Mississippi Christian Living February 2021

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Donavon and Alice Thigpen On marriage, therapy and more ● Lessons from 3 biblical caregivers ● ‘The Home and the Hustle’ for Christian working moms

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contents JANUARY 2021 VOLUME 15, NUMBER 8 PUBLISHER

MS Christian Living, Inc. EDITOR

Katie Eubanks katie@mschristianliving.com MANAGING EDITOR

STEGALL IMAGERY

Suzanne Durfey

Donavon and Alice Thigpen spoke to MCL Editor Katie Eubanks (left) about their marriage — technically two marriages, since they’ve married each other twice! — and their ministry at ONE Church. See page 16.

columns 8 As I See It

ART/GRAPHIC DESIGN

Sandra Goff SALES

Suzanne Durfey, Ginger Gober CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Libbo Crosswhite, Chris Fields, Dan Hall, Dr. Chad Hosemann, Laura Lee Leathers, Clara Moncrief, Lee Paris, Brenna Weaver COVER PHOTOGRAPHY

Stegall Imagery

One Christian wrestles with Black Lives Matter DISTRIBUTION ASSISTANTS

10 Modern Motherhood ‘The Home and the Hustle’ for Christian working moms

12 Health & Wellness High blood pressure? Repent!

14 Lagniappe How to take your bone and joint health to heart

22 Mission Mississippi Moments

Michelle and Randy Fortenberry, Rachel Schulte, Jerri Strickland, Bob and Rachel Whatley

Mississippi Christian Living 3304 North State Street, Suite 201D Jackson, MS 39216 Phone 601.790.9076

mschristianliving.com

How prayer has torn down walls in Mississippi

24 This Is My Story Experiencing ‘Phenomenal’ healing

26 Food for Thought Sweets for your sweetheart

cover story

28 A Cup of Encouragement Lessons from 3 biblical caregivers

16 Donavon and Alice Thigpen On marriage, therapy and more

29 Tough Questions Is my husband not grieving our miscarriage?

in every issue

Coming Next Month 2021 Christian Leaders of the Future scholarship finalists

6 25 30 30

Editor’s Letter The Roman Road Quips & Quotes Advertiser Index

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Views expressed in Mississippi Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Mississippi Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents.

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EDITOR’S LETTER

2 romantic movies, 1 thing we can learn

D

on’t worry, this editor’s letter is not about the Capitol riot, the inauguration, or even politics.

I will say this and move on: Regarding any of the riots from this past year, whether perpetrated by black or white, left or right, we are called to obey the laws of the land (Romans 13). There are times, even now in America, that do call for righteous disobedience — but only when obeying the law means disobeying God. We should think this through before trying to justify the riot that aligns most with the cause(s) we believe in, regardless of what those causes are.

Now, for a complete about-face, let’s discuss two romantic movies (with spoilers). Yes, I do have a point!

So, I hate the movie “The Notebook.” It’s just too … perfect.

Allie is gorgeous. Noah is charming. Their clothes are cute. The way they meet on a Ferris wheel is cute. Almost their entire romance (minus some premarital activities I don’t agree with) is delightful. Their only obstacles are two people: Allie’s mom, who hides the letters Noah writes to Allie while she’s in college; and the man Allie dates when she thinks Noah has forgotten her.

Needless to say, Allie and Noah reunite and overcome these odds. The couple has exactly one fight before getting married and settling into a beautiful house that Noah has built by hand.

Ironically, I love “Pride and Prejudice” (2005), which arguably is less realistic than “The Notebook.” A strong-willed single woman in her 20s, of only middling “fortune” — aka an old maid in the Jane Austen era — finds an attractive, smart, and (she learns) kind man who loves her, and he’s rich.

But unlike “The Notebook,” in “P&P,” the two people standing in Elizabeth and Darcy’s way are themselves. The pride is hers, the prejudice his.

Also, how about this “meet cute”: After they’re introduced at a ball, she overhears him telling someone that Elizabeth is “not handsome enough to tempt me (to dance).”

Rejected at a dance? Now THAT’s relatable.

Despite this start, Darcy falls for Elizabeth and proposes to her — but mentions during the proposal that he finds her family rude, and her middle-class status less than ideal. She fires back at these insults and brings up things she’s heard about him (one true, one not) that make him look bad.

6 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

He writes her a letter explaining himself. Now she’s torn. Then she winds up at his mansion when she thinks he’s not home, but he is, and they have a brief, painfully awkward conversation.

Finally, through a series of events, Elizabeth realizes she’s mad about Darcy, and all is well.

These bungled social encounters and arguments, followed by the gradual realization that maybe you’re wrong? This is more like real life.

Christians could learn from Elizabeth and Darcy. From Darcy we could learn to be tactful, instead of listing a person’s shortcomings just to be “honest.” From Elizabeth we could learn to do our own research, and not believe everything we hear through the grapevine (or rather, on the news or social media).

If we’ll put aside our pride and prejudice, get to know each other honestly, and refrain from taking offense at every little thing, we’ll inch closer to the unity Jesus prayed for (John 17).

Now I’m not saying that, in a misguided attempt at “unity,” we should be silent about evil and injustice in order to avoid offending someone. Far from it! We are to build our convictions on the Word of God, and act and speak accordingly. (An aside: Memorizing scripture is a great thing.)

I am saying we shouldn’t give up on Christian unity when it’s hard.

God could have given up on unity with us. He certainly could have had pride, and He could have had prejudice against us as sinners. Instead, He bore our sins in order to reconcile us to Himself.

We should follow His example.

Other Christians will hurt us. They’ll make assumptions about us based on bad information.

We’ll dislike their political beliefs and/or expressions thereof, or how they interpret scripture. It’s a bumpy road to unity.

But the journey is easier without the baggage of pride and prejudice.

PS: I love this entire edition of MCL, but the “must-read” is our cover story (page 16), which involves marriage, divorce, and reconciliation — all involving the same couple! Y

Katie Eubanks katie@mschristianliving.com

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AS I SEE IT

by DAN HALL

One Christian wrestles with Black Lives Matter

A

s we recognize and celebrate Black History Month, I want to

wade into the very controversial discussion of Black Lives Matter (BLM) and its ubiquity in our nation. Yep, I’m going there.

But before I do, let me lay a little groundwork.

I have been working proactively in race relations since 1986. That’s a drop in the bucket compared to stalwarts like Dolphus Weary and Ed King. But my perspectives are not formed from cable news or retweets — rather, I’ve wrestled through the quagmire of race

8 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

relations not only here in Jackson, but Louisville, Kentucky and Miami-Fort Lauderdale, Florida. My children collectively have nearly as many black friends as white … the kind of friends that hang out at our house and vice versa.

To better understand the complexity of BLM and its cultural impact, it’s important to delineate what it means through three different lenses: First, there is the SENTIMENT that “black lives matter.” There is no doubt we’ve made

tremendous strides, though with great resistance and consternation at times, since the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But 57 years is not very long to undo 250 years of slavery and another 100 years of institutional marginalization and suppression. So while we celebrate our advancements (and we must!), we have to recognize there are long strides left to make (and we must!).

As a rabid pro-lifer, I understand the sentiment when my pro-life friends say, “All lives matter.” As founder of the Jackson Police

Chaplaincy, I understand when other friends say, “Blue lives matter.” But I think they’re missing the point that there are many ways black lives have NOT mattered for the majority of our history, and the residue still negatively affects the black community.

Many godly people feel the weight of this disparity, and their sentiment that “black lives matter” highlights a particular inequality that they believe needs to be corrected.

Second, there is the MOVEMENT of “Black Lives Matter.” This lens is the collective gathering across many ideological, racial and social lines that have coalesced around the SENTIMENT we just discussed. The majority of what we see regularly is the MOVEMENT of BLM. Many conservative parents are mortified that their children have participated in a protest march or have said anything positive about BLM. This reaction is understandable, but primarily because we don’t understand the delineations. As a parent, I’m proud that my children want to make a difference, even if we don’t always agree on some of the nuances.

Finally, there is the ORGANIZATION

Black Lives Matter. This lens is what most conservatives and even some liberals fear.

Without going into excessive citations, the founders of the ORGANIZATION are proudly Marxist and make known their intentions of social disruption. Well, that scares me too! I don’t apologize for adamantly disagreeing with some of the organization’s core principles.

Why delve into this? Because we live in such a divided society driven by social media banners, commentators posing as journalists, and the refusal to listen. May I offer three suggestions that may help us navigate these incredibly uncertain times: Don’t defend your position before you hear the other perspective. Too often, we’re so scared of losing ground that we don’t listen to those we believe are wrong. I have friends from many political, social and religious perspectives. We rarely change each other’s minds, but my life is richer because I understand where they’re coming from.

Don’t judge a person’s character based on one position. It took me a long time to embrace as Christians friends who differed with me on abortion. Or to decide that my

friends believing socialism is a viable option doesn’t make them unpatriotic! I have a friend who believes my view of capitalism is morally bankrupt; we’ve given each other a lot to consider. I disagree vociferously with them, but again, I feel richer knowing them.

Don’t assume you’re right just because a lot of people agree with you. History is replete with majorities being wrong. When we only watch one cable network or read one perspective, we risk mental and emotional atrophy. Allow yourself to be challenged.

If any people should demonstrate disagreement in love, it should be those of us bound together in Christ. I’m grateful for ALL my Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are … ahem … wrong! (Boy, I hope people understand ironic humor!) Y Dan Hall is an executive and strategic coach to leaders and executive teams. He also works with organizations on team building, conflict resolution and communication skills.

He and his wife, Hazel, have six children and four grandchildren. You can reach him at Dan@OnCourseSolutions.com.

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MODERN MOTHERHOOD

by LIBBO CROSSWHITE

‘The Home and the Hustle’ for Christian working moms

A

sk any mother and she’ll tell you that having good mom friends who point you to Christ is crucial. I met Lauren

Williams a few years ago when her husband began working at Madison-Ridgeland Academy. What struck me most about her was that she genuinely loved the Lord first, and then everything else about her fell into place. And she lets her kids eat as much food from the concession stand as I let mine, so we had that “Did we just become friends?” moment pretty shortly after realizing we had similar (entertaining) parenting styles.

Lauren and her good friend Laura Johns have begun a journey that I am excited to see take off in 2021: The Home and the Hustle. I asked them a few questions as they’ve begun introducing this movement (including a podcast and blog) to help the many types of working moms, and I hope you enjoy learning about it as much as I did!

◼

How did the idea of The Home and the Hustle come about?

We’re two working mamas who want to encourage other women to enjoy both the home and the hustle. The world often tells us that working moms have to live in the struggle of survival mode, but we believe, with the grace of God, we all have the opportunity to love our work and our families, and to invest in both with joy. There is blessing in the balance.

At lunch over a year ago, I (Lauren) was telling Laura how I couldn’t find any resources (blogs, podcasts, etc.) available for Christian working moms. There were plenty for women who worked and wanted to advance in their careers, and some for Christian moms, but 10 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

most (of the latter) either seemed to imply, or even directly state, their target audience was stay-at-home moms. There didn’t seem to be any content available for those who were trying to balance doing both well.

So I told her since I couldn’t find anything, then we should probably create something, because surely there were other women out there looking for the same encouragement. At the end of this past summer, Laura moved back to Jackson and had her second child. In the late fall, she called me and said, “Remember that idea? I’m in.”

◼

What can we expect from The Home and the Hustle in the first few months of 2021?

We really have hit the ground running, and we are so excited to be an encouragement to Christian working moms. We’ve already heard from SO many women who have called or messaged just to say thank you! Our website has several blog posts from us and from guest bloggers on various topics. Our next step is to add a recipe section to the website for quick and easy family-friendly recipes that show the actual recipe without requiring you to scroll down to find it!

What we are most excited about is our podcast! You can find us on Apple, Spotify and wherever else people listen to podcasts. Each episode we interview — or mostly just have a living room chat — with a working mom. We learn how she balances the home and the hustle, and what she has found to work (or not work) for her. It’s just such an encouragement

to listen and learn from others who are either walking the same road or have walked it before.

We by no means claim to be experts, which is why we love hearing from others so much.

◼

What’s the best piece of motherhood advice you’ve ever been given?

Lauren: Mine really goes for all of life, but it really rang true in motherhood — and it’s that comparison is the thief of joy. Every family dynamic is different, every kid is different, and all circumstances are different. So you really just have to figure out what works best for you and your family. If others do it different, that’s OK! Don’t worry about them, and don’t worry about what they are thinking about you!

Laura: It might sound cliché, but the best advice for me is to accept help. I am one who doesn’t do that well naturally, but it’s important to let others help … especially if they’re offering. You aren’t superwoman, and it truly takes a village, especially when you work.

For more information, visit TheHomeAndThe Hustle.com or find The Home and the Hustle on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest @thehomeandthehustle. Y

Libbo Haskins Crosswhite and her husband, Clay, live in Madison and attend Pinelake.

They have one daughter, Mary Thomas, who is 7 years old, and a son, Russell, who is 5 years old. She is the high school guidance counselor at Madison-Ridgeland Academy and can be emailed at lcrosswhite@mrapats.org.

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HEALTH & WELLNESS

by CHRIS FIELDS

High blood pressure?

Repent!

I

was speaking with a close dietician friend recently about how the Lord requires us to take care of our bodies.

She shared with me a time when she was asked to work a prayer line at her church. There was a lady in line who wanted healing, and it just so happened the lady came to her for prayer. “I want the Lord to heal me of my high blood pressure,” the lady said.

My friend’s response was, “Have you changed your diet and started an exercise regimen?” The lady responded, “No, I want the Lord to heal me.” My friend and I had a good laugh about this situation, but I quickly came to realize that this mindset of Christians is no laughing matter at all.

My friend’s medically trained response would have been the same regardless of whether she was in a health We can’t center giving counsel, or determine our praying with Christians in a genetic makeup, prayer line at church. Not because she didn’t believe God nor can we stop was our healer, but because she the aging process, knew how to naturally tap into but the other God’s healing.

What’s not funny is how factors of high Christians won’t take ownership blood pressure of their sins when it comes to diseases like Type 2 diabetes and we can control. most cases of high blood pressure, and won’t repent as the Lord requires. To repent means to express remorse for an action and to turn away from that action. Healing occurs when we begin to practice obedience in areas of disobedience.

Once we hear truth, we are required to obey that truth. The problem with us as Christians is that we have trouble deciphering truth when it comes to our health and wellness. We don’t want to take responsibility as the Lord requires, and because we don’t, we never experience the freedom truth can bring. Jesus says, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Although in this verse He is referencing Himself as

“

”

12 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

truth, we also must acknowledge the truth in how He created us.

Here are some truths about how we are created as it relates to high blood pressure. High blood pressure is a multifactorial disorder that causes vascular remodeling — changes to the shape of blood vessels — which in turn causes abnormal pressure to the vessels’ walls. If left uncontrolled, we can develop heart diseases, experience heart attacks or strokes, or even die (worst case).

The most common factors that contribute to high blood pressure are genetics, aging, psychosocial stress, obesity, diabetes, insulin resistance, alcohol abuse, sedentary lifestyle, high salt consumption, and low potassium consumption. We can’t determine our genetic makeup, nor can we stop the aging process, but the other factors of high blood pressure we can control. Once diagnosed with high blood pressure, living a repentant lifestyle will help you control your diagnosis, and it can even reverse that diagnosis, a godly truth that my dietician friend knew.

HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO DO THAT: Lose extra pounds and watch your waistline. Blood pressure often increases as weight increases, particularly waistline weight, so weight loss is one of the most effective ways for controlling blood pressure. A goal waistline for women is lower than 35 inches, and for men lower than 40 inches.

Exercise regularly. Regular physical activity of 150 minutes a week, or 30 minutes a day, can lower your blood pressure by about 5 to 8 mmHg if you have high blood pressure. It’s important to be consistent because if you stop exercising, your blood pressure can rise again. A combination of resistance training and cardio is best.

Eat a healthy diet. Eating a diet that is rich in whole grains, fruits, vegetables and low-fat dairy products, and skimps on saturated fat and cholesterol, can lower your blood pressure by up to 11 mmHg if you have high blood pressure. This eating plan is known as the Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH) diet.

Reduce stress. Stress creates hormonal imbalances in our body — which can cause elevated heart rates, increasing blood flow, which is dangerous when our body is at rest. Stress is also detrimental because a lot of us turn to unhealthy foods for comfort. Beyond just reducing stress in order to lower your blood pressure, the Bible tells us to give God our cares anyway, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

My prayer is that we all come to a full understanding of our Creator, and that we begin to honor Him in how He created us, making us healthy and whole. Y

Chris Fields is the founder and executive director of H.E.A.L. Mississippi and a graduate in kinesiology with advance studies in nutrition. He serves as a clinical exercise physiologist/CPT and is credentialed in Exercise Is Medicine through American College of Sports Medicine.

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LAGNIAPPE

by DR. CHAD HOSEMANN

How to take your bone and joint health to heart

A

s we age, most of us don’t typically think about the relationship between bone and joint health and heart health. However, the two depend on each other. Regular

exercise is essential to keeping your heart healthy. It’s equally important to keep your bones and joints healthy so you can remain physically active.

A decline in bone and joint health can lead to pain, discomfort and the inability to enjoy the simplest things in life. This also can be detrimental to heart health, as the heart is one big muscle that pumps blood throughout our body and, like all muscles, relies on activity to stay strong.

There are many things you can do now, regardless of your age, to

prevent a decline in bone and joint health — and allow you to continue living a fulfilling and active lifestyle for years to come: Move. Easier said than done, right? Statistics tell us that over 30 percent of Mississippians are sedentary or completely inactive, meaning they participate in little to no physical activity. Exercise can and should be performed at any age! It’s important to find an activity you enjoy and can stick with over time. A simple walk around the block each day, or a few minutes on a recumbent bike while you read the paper, can make a huge difference in both heart and bone and muscle health.

Moving your body is essential for maintaining healthy joints and retaining muscle strength. Also, all exercise, but especially those that are

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SAY GOODBYE TO JOINT PAIN &

weight-bearing, has been shown to decrease the loss of bone density and help avoid developing osteoporosis. As the great football coach Lou Holtz once said, “In this world you’re either growing or you’re dying, so get in motion and grow.”

Watch your diet. Obesity takes a terrible toll on Mississippians and can lead to multiple heart and bone and joint issues. Watching what you eat and keeping a close eye on your weight can lead to a dramatically lower risk of both heart disease and osteoarthritis of the hips and knees.

So get on that scale and hold yourself accountable. As we age, weight loss is much less about exercise and much more about diet! Also, taking a calcium and vitamin D supplement daily helps to maintain bone strength and can lead to lower risk of hip and wrist fractures in the event of a fall.

Wear proper footwear. Wearing shoes that fit poorly can put a lot of strain on your feet and ankles. Over time, improper footwear can cause problems that may affect your hips, knees and back. It’s important to wear walking shoes that provide cushion for your joints and are stable and comfortable to walk in.

Listen to your body. Don’t overextend yourself. Be careful and think before you do a physical activity that you aren’t accustomed to. For example, if you’re worried that lifting a heavy object might be too hard on your back or knees, enlist help to avoid an injury. It is important to choose exercises that are age appropriate and don’t cause undue stress or repetitive damage to your aging joints. As you age, it is important to listen to your body and avoid activities that may cause pain, so you can continue living an active, healthy lifestyle.

See a specialist if your problem persists. Just like when the checkengine light comes on in your car, if you are experiencing any type of nagging pain in your bones or joints, don’t ignore it. It could be a sign of a major problem that, if diagnosed early, can lead to a simple resolution.

And don’t hesitate to reach out to an orthopedic doctor for assistance. A referral is not necessary. An orthopedic specialist can make a diagnosis and get you on the road to recovery often in just one quick visit. There is a misconception that visiting an orthopedic surgeon will lead to surgery, but this is simply not the case! The vast majority of our patients at Capital Ortho are treated with conservative, non-surgical options. Let us get you back to doing the activities you love!

Proper bone and joint health is an integral part of maintaining an active and fulfilling lifestyle, and has a lasting positive effect on heart health. Stay active, exercise, eat healthy and listen to your body. Make a commitment in 2021 to take your bone and joint health to heart!

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Dr. Hosemann is a summa cum laude graduate of The University of Mississippi and The University of Mississippi School of Medicine. With specializations in all sports-related injuries, including disorders of the shoulder, elbow and knee, Dr. Hosemann is board certified by the American Board of Orthopedic Surgeons. mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 15

COVER STORY

by KATIE EUBANKS

Donavon and Alice Thigpen and their daughters Eden (left) and Zoë pose for a picture at Jackson’s Duling Hall performance venue, where ONE Church normally meets — and hopes to meet again in person, perhaps later this spring, depending on COVID-19.

Donavon & Alice Thigpen STEGALL IMAGERY

On marriage, therapy and more

16 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

and Alice Thigpen have Donavon married each other twice.

At their first wedding, a nine-months-pregnant Alice wore pajamas. Their second wedding happened exactly 10 years later — after a separation, divorce, and reconciliation.

The Thigpens could smooth over the rough parts of their story, and many members of ONE Church in Jackson, where Donavon is pastor, would never know different. “(But) we want people to know it’s OK not to be OK,” Alice says.

In order to receive help, you’ve got to admit you have a problem.

mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 17

Alice and Donavon, center and top right, say racial diversity isn’t just a “phase” in their lives. “Our living room looks like our church.”

Alice, who has her own decorating business, puts the finishing touch on a Christmas tree with daughter Eden.

‘She was our beginning’ Their grandmothers lived one street away from each other in west Jackson. Alice and Donavon even had a mutual best friend. But they didn’t meet until high school.

First, Donavon saw Alice at a Lanier High championship game at the Mississippi Coliseum. He told his brother, “That’s going to be my wife,” but admits, “I was too chicken to say anything to her.”

Then she showed up at a church where Donavon, who hails from a musical family, was playing organ. “Now that she was on my turf, I knew it was going down,” he says. But when he tried talking to her, “she wouldn’t give me no play.”

While Alice ignored Donavon, two of his brothers started dating her two sisters.

Donavon would drive his brothers to Alice’s house, and then he’d spend time in the kitchen with her mom. Alice had a boyfriend at the time, who made sure to show up at the house whenever Donavon did.

Eventually, Alice’s mom had her “chaperone” a double date between her sisters and Donavon’s brothers. Donavon was driving.

Looking back, Alice says, “I think he had worn (my mom) down.”

Soon Donavon and Alice started dating. After 18 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

A ONE Church worship service pre-COVID.

a brief time at Jackson State University, she enlisted in the Air Force, and suggested Donavon join her. He wasn’t interested, noting, “They don’t have a B3 organ on the Air Force base.”

He dropped her off for basic training — and a few hours later, she called and told him to come back.

When he picked her up and asked what was going on, she said, “I’m pregnant.”

At that time, “I wasn’t living a life I was really pleased with,” Donavon says, even though he’d grown up in church. “I didn’t want (our child) to meet me (as I was).”

So he started praying, reading his Bible, and taking Christianity seriously. Around the ninth month of Alice’s pregnancy, “I felt like I really had an encounter with God. He gave me my life’s mission. Then I knew I would become a pastor. I knew I would put out music, and I knew I would have a music school,” he says.

(The school is in the planning stages now.)

“It impacted me so much, I had it printed on certificate paper, and I framed it and put it on the wall.”

Meanwhile, his daughter was on her way.

“We thought Genesis was going to be born on July 15, 1998,” Donavon says. “(That night) I was headed to a church conference in New Orleans.

So we decided to get married that night.”

Young love!

Co-pastors Matt McGue (left) and Donavon Thigpen at ONE Church.

Donavon’s father, who was also his pastor, married them in the living room at Donavon’s grandmother’s house, where assorted Thigpens and church members were supposed to meet at midnight to leave for the conference. Folks were late, so “it was about 2 or 3 in the morning,” Alice says.

“We did the whole ceremony, vows, ‘I do,’ and he went to the conference, and I went and got back in the bed,” says Alice, who wore Donavon’s green silk pajamas (she couldn’t fit into her own) for the ceremony.

Their daughter Genesis didn’t arrive for another 15 days, on August 1.

“We named her Genesis, which means ‘the beginning,’ because she was our beginning,” Alice says.

The last thing this editor expected was the following bombshell, dropped by Donavon: “We stayed together for a year.”

‘You’re trying to change me’ Alice and Donavon got married because they were told that was the right thing to do, because they were pregnant.

“Nobody sat down and had premarital counseling with us, nobody talked to us about expectations. Clearly, he and I were raised totally different from each other,” Alice says.

Back, from left: Genesis, Donavon, Alice and Zoë Thigpen. Front: Eden Thigpen.

“She was used to her dad coming home at 5, 6 o’clock (at night) after work, watching TV,” Donavon says. “I typically left the house at 5 or 6, either headed to a recording studio or a band rehearsal, choir rehearsal, and that got old for Alice.

“And I was upset because I felt, ‘You knew who I was before we got married, and you’re trying to change me.’ She wanted me to work a 9 to 5.”

“I wanted him to get serious about life,” she adds.

“And she felt alone with a new baby,” he says.

So they separated after one year of marriage.

Over the next two years, Alice had divorce papers drawn up three times. Donavon just tore them up, she says. “’Cause, clearly, I don’t believe in divorce,” Donavon says.

By the time Donavon finally signed the papers, Alice had met a new man who was financially stable, loved her, and loved Genesis as his own. In fact, part of the reason Donavon did sign the divorce papers is because he recognized that Alice’s new fiancé was “maybe not so bad.”

Donavon made a deal with God: “If you’re not going to give Alice back to me, then I just pray You just send me the person that You want me to have.” He stopped pursuing Alice, and sought the Lord instead.

Also, the other man had a big house with a four-car garage, a pool and a lake, plus a 9 to 5 job. Donavon was still a musician without a 9 to 5, and he lived in an apartment.

“I felt like I couldn’t compete,” he says. “I felt like I loved Alice enough to let her be happy.”

‘That’s not your husband.’

During the Thigpens’ separation and divorce, “Donavon started traveling (for music).

He was in Mississippi once or twice a month,” Alice says. But as she was planning her wedding, Donavon moved back home.

He explains: “I was in San Diego for three weeks. … I was playing for an itinerant preacher, I was making more money than I’d ever made in my life, but Genesis learned how to ride a bike while I was in San Diego. (That) messed me up.”

A Jackson church, then called Word of Faith, had tried to hire Donavon twice. When they approached him a third time, he said yes.

“And guess what,” Alice says. “That’s where me and my (fiancé went) to church.” Soon they were seeing Donavon every Sunday morning.

“He makes sure he’s at the door when we get there, walks (Genesis) out every Sunday, he sits her up on the organ,” Alice says.

“That’s my child,” Donavon says.

“Yep, he’s staking his claim,” Alice says. “So now he’s here in town, he’s going to all the school functions, he’s picking her up on his days and weekends — he’s being the responsible adult I wanted him to be before we divorced.”

Meanwhile, Alice was in prayer about her impending marriage, and she and her fiancé had started premarital counseling. One night, a voice woke her up: “That’s not your husband.”

She looked around, “trying to see who’s playing with me, who’s whispering in my ear, and nobody was there. The next day, I’m spooked.”

She called her best friend and her sisters, who said the voice must’ve been the devil, and

that she was just getting cold feet.

Alice believed them. Until she heard the voice again, clearly stating the same words, within about a month. “I think I had been praying more,” she says.

Her fiancé glossed over the incident as a mere nightmare, and didn’t understand why she was freaking out. The next day, he bought her a new car. “So it was like … life is good,” she says.

But she still needed to talk to someone.

“I couldn’t go back to my sisters and my best friend,” she says, “so who do I call to have this discussion, this spiritual encounter, with?

My baby daddy.”

By this time, she and Donavon were “good friends and co-parenting great,” she says.

When she told him what the voice had said, he responded, “I’ve been knowing that, but I’ve just been waiting on you to figure that out.”

Within a month, she broke off her engagement.

mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 19

For Christmas 2020, Donavon and Alice each bought the other a gift related to their grandparents. No, they didn’t plan it that way.

Alice got Donavon a record player and some of his favorite records — including one by the D.R. Curry Memorial Choir, founded by Donavon’s uncle in honor of Donavon’s grandfather D.R. Curry, Sr. The choir, which also included Donavon’s mother and other relatives, was signed to Jackson’s Malaco Records in the 1970s.

Donavon bought Alice a pair of Daniel Green slippers, the same kind her father bought for her grandmother every year for Christmas. Alice’s grandmother died before Alice was born, and she didn’t have a photo of her. Donavon found one, printed it on the front of a card, and on the inside wrote down everything Alice had told him about her grandmother.

“Our gifts may have been $60 (apiece),” Alice says. “The slippers were what, about 40 bucks? And he printed out the picture at Walgreens. … it meant so much more than the bottles of perfume, or the clothes or purses.”

20 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

PHOTOS BY STEGALL IMAGERY

A Christmas to remember

An eternal contract

ONE Church

Alice and Donavon started dating again — and then got pregnant with their second daughter, Zoë, while Donavon was still music minister at Word of Faith.

Donavon expected to be fired when he told the pastor. Instead, the pastor said, “‘As far as I’m concerned, marriage is forever, (and) you guys have an eternal contract,’” Donavon recalls. “(The church) kind of walked us through, they loved on us.”

“We were getting the premarital counseling that we should’ve gotten when we were 20 and 21,” Alice says.

Finally, the Thigpens got married again on their 10-year anniversary, July 15, 2008 — in the church office, Donavon says with a laugh. “But we had a nice reception (at) the Fairview Inn.” They’d named their daughter Zoë because it means “the God kind of life,” Alice says, “because we feel like we were where we needed to be. God was in the midst of everything.”

In 2012, Eden was born. “She was the only child we planned,” Donavon says. He and Alice thought maybe they’d have a boy this time, but no dice. Now, both parents are grateful they have three daughters.

“They are easy,” Alice says. “God gives you exactly what you’re supposed to have.”

As for Eden’s name, it means “the paradise of God,” or “God’s resting place,” Alice says.

“And I thought, ‘Yeah, that’s perfect, ’cause after this one, we’re resting.’”

After marrying, divorcing, remarrying, and having three daughters in the midst of all that, the Thigpens were in a stable place. Donavon was still a music minister, and Alice was a loan closing specialist at Hope Federal Credit Union in Jackson, with a decorating business on the side.

Then a white pastor named Matt McGue approached Donavon about planting a church.

“We had never even heard about church planting,” Alice says.

But a church like the one Matt was proposing — one that would deliberately pursue people of all races and ethnicities — made sense for the Thigpens. They already lived and worked in diverse environments; the girls attended diverse schools; and both Donavon and Alice had experience being around all kinds of people.

Donavon grew up in the Virden Addition in Jackson, i.e., “the hood,” he says, but his dad sent him to daycare at the predominantly white Briarwood daycare. In elementary, he attended St. Andrew’s Episcopal School and, later, Casey Elementary, another predominantly white school at the time. “(My dad) wanted us to get along with all ethnicities,” Donavon says. “By third grade, my two best friends were white and Chinese.”

When Donavon arrived at the predominantly black Lanier High School in Jackson, “I felt like Carlton (the preppy, sweater-vest-wearing cousin from ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’) going to Philly,” he says. But he loved it.

little tighter when you pass by … well now it’s reversed,” Alice says, and Donavon adds: “Not every Republican is a racist.”

‘Authenticity breeds diversity’ After several years at ONE Church, Matt McGue was called elsewhere, and Donavon became lead pastor in 2018.

He says he’s experienced more spiritual attack as a co-pastor and pastor than any other time in his life.

STEGALL IMAGERY

Alice got her own culture shock when she transferred from Jim Hill to Forest Hill High School in Jackson for her senior year. At that time, Forest Hill was racially diverse, and she had never attended school with white students.

“We do the same things, we act the same, we just look different, and it was a real shock to me,” Alice says. “To see blacks and whites riding to school together, eating lunch together, hanging out.

“And stuff you hear on TV, ‘Mississippi is this, Mississippi is that,’ I’ve never experienced any of that.”

Ultimately, Donavon agreed to help Matt plant ONE Church as co-pastors. The church’s diversity emphasis is important because “when you go to separate silos on Sunday mornings, it undermines the credibility of the gospel,” Donavon says.

“There’s not going to be a black side of heaven or a white side of heaven, or a Chinatown. In Revelation you see all races worshipping Christ together. The last thing Jesus prayed (in John 17, before His arrest) was for unity.”

“We’re supposed to have heaven on earth,” Alice adds. “Why not now?”

They know this past year hasn’t exactly helped race relations in America.

“You know how the media is playing out what’s happening in the country,” Donavon says. “If people haven’t been exposed to a different culture, they (put people in boxes).”

“The stereotypes of all black people being criminals, and you’ve got to clutch your purse a

On the first Sunday of January 2020, he added “building families” to the church’s mission, “because I knew (Alice and I) have a unique story, and I know how the devil continues to try to attack us.” ONE Church has held the EmbRACE Conference promoting racial diversity in churches, and now Donavon sees a marriage conference in the future as well.

Naturally, that modified mission didn’t please the enemy.

“As a result of us making that declaration at the beginning of the year, I feel like the devil has fought me and Alice this (past) year more than ever,” Donavon says. “We’re seeing a counselor right now, a therapist, Lee Smith, and he’s walking us through some stuff.”

If you can’t believe this pastor and his wife just admitted to seeing a therapist, well, they don’t really care. “(People think) you see a therapist (and) something’s wrong with you, or you’re crazy, what’s going on?” Alice says. “But I look at it as insurance.”

Plus, therapy teaches you things, she notes. After 25 years, she and Donavon are still learning about each other, through therapy and honest communication. For Christmas 2020, they exchanged two of the most meaningful gifts they’d ever received (see box), after years of gifts that were more sparkle than substance. They remain committed to their marriage.

They want other couples to know there’s hope, and that it’s OK to seek help.

At the time of this interview, ONE Church was in the middle of a sermon series called De-Mask-Us, a play on the word Damascus, the place where Saul became Paul after encountering Jesus on the road.

“Paul wore a religious mask, but once Jesus stripped him of that, Paul is the reason for Gentile inclusion in the New Testament,” Donavon says.

“That’s why we’re transparent. Authenticity breeds diversity.” Y

mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 21

MISSION MISSISSIPPI MOMENTS

by LEE PARIS

How prayer has torn down walls in Mississippi

T

he power and emphasis of prayer in the life of Mission Mississippi began over a lunch meeting at the former Primos Northgate in Jackson. The year was 1992. Those

attending this historic gathering, black and white civic and spiritual leaders, would all be confronted by the generationally entrenched barrier that divided the body of Christ, both in this city and across the state.

As guest speakers Tom Skinner (black) and Pat Morley (white) shared about their deep friendship, most if not nearly all in the room lacked such relationships that transcended the color wall. Many there were convicted to seek change, sincerely address our state’s Achilles’ heel, and ask of the Lord what it might mean in Mississippi to love our neighbor as Christ admonished in His parable of the Good Samaritan. Intentions were noble, yet most were unsure where to begin.

In God’s goodness and in His perfect time, someone suggested an age-old method, used when facing Goliath, the Red Sea, and a sealed tomb — PRAYER! Thus, several began to meet in a police precinct, complete with concrete floors, uncomfortable metal folding chairs, and cold donuts — simply to pray for one another.

Early each Tuesday morning, black and white met in this “neutral site” to seek God’s guidance and leading in bringing His body together under His cross, something that had not been done in our state’s history. We all knew that Mississippi, while statistically being the center of Christianity in our country’s Bible Belt, was known as a place of segregation and separation. At that police precinct, sins were confessed, fears addressed, and relationships formed as we prayed for one another.

We soon saw we faced similar life challenges: aging parents and grandparents, wayward teenagers, sickness in our families, financial burdens. As we opened up to one another, we saw these were not black or white issues, but ones we mutually shared. As we prayed for each other, seemingly insurmountable racial barriers crumbled, replaced by Christ-centered concern for one another.

After a year of praying together in that precinct on Capitol Street, we felt comfortable organizing prayer times in our respective churches.

Intentionally, we alternated each week between predominantly black

Columnist Lee Paris, second from left, participates in a Mission Mississippi prayer breakfast.

A Mission Mississippi prayer gathering.

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A 2004 Mission Mississippi prayer committee. Top row, from left: Elder James E. Turner, Sr., Raymond Barry, Neddie Winters, and Joel Weathersby. Bottom row, from left: Sheree Dukes, Willie Bell McQuirter, and an unknown participant.

and white churches. We began to invite fellow church members to join us for the prayer times, and introduced those church members to our newly found brothers and sisters from “across the railroad tracks.”

We branched out to more churches, then to communities across Mississippi. The goal for these gatherings was simple — praying with and for one another. Now, 28 years later, Mission Mississippi prayer gatherings have grown in dozens of Mississippi communities and hundreds of churches, with thousands of prayer warriors joining to seek the Lord’s reconciling hand in our state.

As we’ve seen racial strife boiling in other states this past year, Mississippi has navigated these troubling waters smoother than many. I believe God is hearing our prayers, sparing us from some of the pains in our past and the present divisions seen in sister states of late.

In addition to bringing our people together through times of prayer, these gatherings have fostered incredible stories of eternal friendships. I count among my closest friends black and white brothers and sisters I first encountered at Mission Mississippi prayer times. We met there, prayed for one another, began to understand and trust one another, and built friendships we will take beyond this world. Through intentional prayer, we crossed over where once stood separating railroad tracks, while looking forward to crossing through gates of pearl into the presence of the Lord, who first brought us together at Mission Mississippi times of prayer. Y

Lee Paris is the founding board chairman of Mission Mississippi. He is a graduate of The University of Mississippi and The University of Mississippi School of Law. Lee serves as business development officer for Wellspring & Associates of Atlanta, and chairman of the board of FCA Ole Miss in Oxford. He and his wife, Lisa, have three children and four precious grandchildren. mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 23

THIS IS MY STORY

by CLARA MONCRIEF

Experiencing ‘Phenomenal’ healing

T

o the one and only true and living God, Creator of all, the God of Job and Daniel. He’s my God too, and sovereign in my life.

I want to testify about the phenomenal changes I encountered while hospitalized for three and a half months. I give God all the glory, honor and praise for His healing power. He covered me with unconditional love and comfort.

I wasn’t sure what was happening when I began to experience severe abdominal pains in late October 2017. When I visited the emergency room, the ER doctor told me it was only intestinal issues, but the pain and discomfort was so severe, I had to return two days later. I had to undergo emergency surgery for a bowel blockage.

When they extubated me, my vocal cords became paralyzed and a tracheotomy was ordered, and I was told it would be in place for one year or longer. The tracheotomy was in place for three weeks. (Healing in His wings.) A second surgery for internal bleeding was performed.

Through this ordeal and even into my recovery, I felt the experience of God in a way that was profound and intimate — His healing of my body, mind and soul firsthand.

This may have been the most life-threatening time period of my life, but I believe the experience broadened my awareness of God and showed the phenomenal ways He can impact all of our lives. He is worthy to be praised!

Through my medical ordeal, I learned of God’s love and capabilities in an insightful way. Job and Daniel intensified in my spirit. Job was an upright man of God who loved the Lord with every fiber of his being. He went through physical and material changes, and marital discord. Through it all, Job kept his eyes on God. Daniel had many conflicts, but he trusted God and had faith to believe God to deliver him from any exposure to harm or danger.

We don’t know what we may have to go through while passing through this world. My inspiration, my God, is triumphal; a triumphal God is he. He will take care of His children. He is a great healer, and giver of all good and perfect gifts. We are His children and joint heirs with His Son, Jesus.

The Bible tells us to submit ourselves to Him and receive His goodness, grace and mercy forevermore.

The Lord sent His Son to bear our sins and burdens. It is important to seek Him first for His active love, beauty and holiness. He is our shepherd and problem solver. When we diligently seek Him, we will win, win, win. The blessings of the Lord are without reproach.

We must be forever mindful of His wonderful work for us. His daily bread is on earth and sanctioned in heaven. The Lord will teach us His testimony and carry us to victory.

I have written a book, “Phenomenon of a Phenomenal: My True Testimony of Praises and Thanksgivings to God Almighty.” It explores my phenomenal experience, my love for God, delighting in His Word, and His healing wings. The scripture references take readers on a journey through several stories of trials in the Bible. God reveals in these stories His presence and provision. I hope the reader who needs to know God in a special way will be enlightened about His great healing power. Y

Clara Moncrief is an ordained minister, working in the Lord’s vineyard to spread and teach the Word of God. Her first mission after ordination was to start a prison ministry. She is an author, songwriter, and retired healthcare professional who is active in many community activities. She is a wife, mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother, aunt, cousin, and friend to many. Selah.

“Phenomenon of a Phenomenal” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com or XulonPress.com for $11.49.

24 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

If you aren’t sure whether you have a relationship with God or where you’ll go when you die, please don’t put this magazine down until you’ve read the following:

✝ THE PROBLEM

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23 For the wages of sin is death… – Romans 6:23a The natural result and consequence of our sin is eternal death, or hell (Revelation 20:15), separated from God. This is because God is completely perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48), and His justice demands that sin be punished (Proverbs 11:21).

✝ THE SOLUTION

…but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23b But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8 Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross and took on the punishment for all our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then God raised Him from the dead (John 20)!

✝ HOW TO RECEIVE SALVATION

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. – Romans 10:9 Trust in what Jesus has done for you — His death for your sins and His resurrection — and trust Him as Lord.

✝ IS IT FOR ANYONE?

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13

✝ THE RESULTS

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:1 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39

✝ WHAT TO DO NEXT

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. – Romans 10:17

If you decided to trust in Jesus, grow in your faith by reading more of God’s Word in the Bible. We recommend the gospel of John (it comes just after Luke) as a good starting point — or Romans!

Finding a church close to you that teaches faith in Christ is another important step. It’s crucial to spend time with other believers so we can encourage each other in our faith.

If you have questions about anything on this page, please contact us at 601.896.1432, or send us a message on Facebook @MSChristianLiving, Instagram @mschristianmag or Twitter @MSChristLiving. mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 25

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

recipes by HALEY FRANKS

Sweets for your sweetheart

F

or our Valentine’s edition of Food For Thought,

we reached out to one of our favorite bakers, Haley Franks, for some yummy recipes (including one for those

DOUBLE CHOCOLATE HEART COOKIE 10 ¾ ½ 2 1½ ¾ 1 ½ 1 1

tablespoons unsalted butter cup light brown sugar cup sugar large eggs cups all-purpose flour teaspoon salt teaspoon baking soda teaspoon baking powder teaspoon vanilla extract cup Valentine’s M&Ms (plus more for sprinkling) ½ cup white chocolate chips (plus more for sprinkling)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a stand mixer (or using hand mixer), cream together butter and sugars until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add 1 egg at a time, mixing until fully incorporated. Add vanilla. Mix well. In a small bowl, stir together flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder.

Slowly add flour into butter mixture. Mix until JUST combined, being sure not to over-mix.

(Over-mixing will make a tough cookie.) Fold in M&Ms and white chocolate chips.

In a heart-shaped baking pan, spray well with cooking spray, then evenly spread dough in pan.

Bake 25-35 minutes until center is set. Let cookie cool in pan for 20 minutes. Once it is cooled, carefully run a knife around the edges and flip cookie gently onto a cooling rack.

Sprinkle reserved M&Ms and chocolate chips over top.

26 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

watching their diet!) to share with your Valentine. Men, if you’re reading this and your significant other enjoys sweets, what are you waiting for?? Start baking! Y

HEALTHY PEANUT BUTTER HEARTS ½ cup natural peanut butter* 2 tablespoons coconut flour 1 ½ tablespoons maple syrup (or honey) Sprinkle of sea salt 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 1 teaspoon coconut oil

Into a medium mixing bowl, add peanut butter, coconut flour, maple syrup and salt. Stir well until mixture resembles a dough. Press between two sheets of parchment paper until dough is about ½-inch thick. Place in freezer for 15 minutes. Once out of freezer, using a heartshaped cookie cutter, cut into shapes. Excess dough can be re-pressed and cut into hearts until no dough remains.

Place cut hearts in freezer for 30 minutes until firm. While hearts are in freezer, melt chocolate chips with coconut oil at 30-second intervals in microwave until fully melted. After hearts have been in the freezer, dip each into melted chocolate till fully covered. Place back onto baking sheet and set in refrigerator until chocolate has set. Store in an airtight container in refrigerator. *Available at most grocery stores — just look for the “natural” label! Stir before using.

OOEY GOOEY INDIVIDUAL CHOCOLATE CAKE ½ ¾ ¾ ½ ⅓ ½

cup butter cup semi-sweet chocolate chips cup half and half cup all-purpose flour cup powdered sugar cup cocoa

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium saucepan, melt butter and chocolate chips together. Once fully melted, with a whisk mix in half and half, flour, powdered sugar and cocoa. Stir until smooth. Spoon mixture evenly into 4 greased ramekins. Bake 12 minutes. Once out of the oven, trace edges with a knife and carefully flip onto a plate.

Sprinkle top with powdered sugar.

Best served with vanilla ice cream or fresh whipped cream.

Haley Franks is the wife of Stevie Franks.

She is a dental hygienist by day but learned to love cooking and baking by watching Food Network. She recently turned her hobby into an Instagram platform for fun, and enjoys making videos of what she is cooking each day. Follow her @haleysreciperoundup!

WINNER

I was young and unsure when I first started at Hartfield. While my journey looked nothing like I expected, when I followed God’s lead, I found my place. When I took a leap of faith and joined the worship team, I was for the first time able to use my gifting to lead others. Hartfield helped me find my calling and encouraged me to serve the Lord.

- Sally Hatten, Alumni

FIND YOUR WHY (601) 992-5333

hartfield.org

mschristianliving.com â?˜ FEBRUARY 2021 27

A CUP OF ENCOURAGEMENT

by LAURA LEE LEATHERS

Lessons from 3 biblical caregivers

“I

t” has been a part of my life for 10 years. It has required

sacrifice, serving and acceptance.

Sometimes the weight of responsibility has brought a loss of sleep, time, money and tears of exasperation. “It” has changed my life.

What is “it”? Caregiving!

A caregiver is any individual who assists or provides direct care for a person, regardless of age. Over the past year, we’ve especially depended upon and recognized the “frontline caregivers”: doctors, nurses, physical therapists and others.

But who is taking care of the caregiver? Over time, the caregiver may find themselves facing isolation, resentment or guilt. They’re trying to balance their home life and job while maintaining their health.

Caregiving might not be something you’re planning for. But we all know nothing is going as we expected. It is wise to have a plan in place, in case you have to shoulder the responsibility.

Three individuals in the Bible give us a glimpse of biblically based caregiving: Joseph’s provision for Jacob (Genesis 45:25–49:33) At the end of the book of Genesis, after years of separation, Jacob and Joseph reunite. Before the Ten Commandments were given to the nation of Israel, we see Joseph’s desire to honor and provide for his father in his final days.

Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother.” Paul elaborates in Ephesians 6:2– 3, “this is the first commandment (regarding human relationships) with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

We are to give willingly out of love and respect. When we do, we receive a special blessing, a promise, because of obedience to this commandment. Most importantly, as believers in Christ, how we treat our parents is a witness to the world.

Ruth’s commitment to Naomi (the book of Ruth) The book of Ruth gives us a glimpse into a unique bond of loyalty between a mother and

28 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

her daughter-in-love. Ruth tells Naomi, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you” (1:16–17).

The next verse tells us Naomi “saw” that Ruth was determined to go with her. Ruth’s statements weren’t mere words but a demonstration of

“The apostle John became

a son to Mary in Jesus’ place.

Why John, and not Jesus’ half-brothers? Perhaps because they weren’t believers yet. Choose a person or facility wisely!” commitment to God and Naomi.

Ruth took the initiative, served graciously, and is an excellent role model of a caregiver. As a result, Naomi received not only provision, but a grandson in the lineage of Jesus Christ.

Jesus’ compassion for Mary (John 19:25–27, 30) Picture the final moments of Jesus’ life. He is sacrificially paying the price for all our sins, and enduring God’s wrath. However, “When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.”

Jesus not only completed the work His Father sent Him to do, but His final act was to provide for His mother. Mary was a part of “His own who were in the world,” whom He loved “to the end” (John 13:1b).

Sometimes we can’t provide direct care for our loved one, and we need to depend on another. The apostle John became a son to

Mary in Jesus’ place. Why John, and not Jesus’ half-brothers? Perhaps because they weren’t believers at that time. Choose a person or facility wisely!

A word of wisdom for the caregiver If you don’t take care of yourself as a caregiver, it may become impossible to take care of someone else. Consider the following:

◆ Plan for a time of respite. ◆ Keep a journal or daily log. Days can run together, and this helps you not to trust your memory.

◆ Stay positive and build in fun

◆ Maintain a healthy diet. Go walking or

experiences. Laughter is good medicine! find an exercise plan — you need the release of endorphins.

◆ Find ways to maintain relationships with family and friends. Stay connected to your church family.

◆ Most importantly, depend on the Lord

for everything; stay in the Word and pray without ceasing.

Caregiving is an enormous responsibility, and one you can’t do on your own. As you give, you realize it’s God’s sustaining grace that sees you through. Jesus gives us strength, courage, patience, perseverance, provision, peace, and so much more. And as you give, you receive blessings beyond measure!

Additional resources: • HopeForTheCaregiver.com with Peter Rosenberger

• Under the Mississippi Department of Human Services: Family Caregiver Support Program, 601.359.4500 • Do an internet search: “scriptures for the caregiver” Y

In this new season of her life, Laura Lee hopes to focus on her three passions: freelance writing, sharing and serving through hospitality, and cultivating Lady Laura’s Garden, a cut-flower farm. You can contact her at LauraLeeLeathers.com.

TOUGH QUESTIONS

by BRENNA WEAVER, LPC

A LAWYER’S TRUE THRILLER ABOUT “The Greatest Love Story Ever Told!”

Is my husband not grieving our miscarriage?

ANSWER:

First let me say, I am so sorry for your loss. Many women have shared with me how lonely and isolating the miscarriage experience was for them. Unfortunately, miscarriages are common occurrences, yet they are rarely spoken of openly. It is believed 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and not too much is known about the causes. Grieving is a natural response to the loss. The hopes and dreams you had for your little one’s future are no more, and that is a heavy weight to carry. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I hope you know He is near you during this time — even if you do not feel His presence because of your grief.

As for your husband’s response, everyone grieves differently. He might not understand the physicality of the loss like you, since men are unable to carry a child. Nonetheless, it seems a bit harsh to say he does not care — unless, of course, you asked him if he cared, and he said no. That would be a different conversation. Could it be your husband is wanting to appear strong for you? Maybe he is just as emotionally devastated as you are, but he is unsure how to express it. Just as miscarriages are rarely spoken of in women’s circles, I hazard a guess that they are scarcely spoken of in men’s circles. Have you talked with him about your concerns? If you have not, it might be wise to do so. I think of James 1:19 — “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to

listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Let go of your assumptions and meet your husband with listening ears. You may be surprised by what he shares with you.

During this difficult time, a great book resource is “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” by Mark Vroegop. He discusses the biblical practice of lament. In the introduction, Vroegop describes what he and his wife experienced when they learned their daughter was stillborn. He writes, “to cry is human, to lament is Christian.” He walks through multiple psalms and the book of Lamentations while providing practical suggestions for readers on the subject matter.

Another wonderful book resource is “God Does His Best Work with Empty” by Nancy Guthrie. She lost two young children to genetic disorders and writes, “In those days I was constantly confronted by an empty bedroom at our house, an empty place at the table, an empty place in the family photo, and a huge empty place in my plans for my family and my life.” She uses biblical stories to show how God works through the emptiness we all feel at some point in this life.

You and your husband could read one of these together, or each read one and share insights with the other. It could bring a sense of connection with your shared grief. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Y

Brenna Weaver is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgeland working with clients 18 years and older. She has experience as a secondary education teacher and children’s therapist. When not working, she enjoys reading, eating good food, and traveling.

No other set of books, except the Bible, will prepare the reader for an abundant life NOW and for a glorious ETERNITY better than Hallelujah, Love & War and The Sound of Glorious Marriage Music. These books can be reviewed and purchased at amazon.com. Select Books and type in “by Joe Ragland.”

ATTY JOE RAGLAND, J.D., LL.M., LL.D. Personal Injury Trial Attorney/Workplace Injuries Tel. 601-969-5050 • Info: www.raglandministries.org Click CONTACT to subscribe to Ragland Newsletters

You will be moved by the keepsake letter written from a father to his daughter diagnosed with leukemia that was inspired by the one common denominator to all things good — the act of giving.

Now available at amazon.com

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egbosmiles.com mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2021 29

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Belhaven University...................................................2

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? ~ AMOS 3:3, KJV

The Biblical concept of love says no to acts of selfishness within marital and other human relationships. ~ R.C. Sproul

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law .... Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. ~ ROMANS 13:8, 10, ESV

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. ~ 1 PETER 4:8, ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord .... Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike? ~ John Wesley

C Spire..................................................................................5

Capital Ortho.................................................................15

Covenant Caregivers ..............................................14

Everything’s Gonna Be Ok! ..............................29

Hartfield Academy ..................................................27

H.E.A.L. Mississippi ...................................................12

Insight Group Real Estate...................................21

~ EPHESIANS 5:22, 25, ESV

The overriding character trait of Jesus is love, and the entire Gospel story is woven with love. Sometimes it’s not easy, and oftentimes it requires sacrifice, but it’s when we love that we are most like Jesus.

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. ~ PROVERBS 10:12, ESV

Love says: I’ve seen the ugly parts of you, and I’m staying. ~ Matt Chandler

~ Steven Furtick

Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God.

You can always give without loving, but you can never love without giving. ~ Amy Carmichael

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

Joe Ragland .................................................................29

Mascagni Wealth Management ...................32

Miskelly Furniture ........................................................3

Pine Grove Treatment Center ............................7

Sitters, LLC .......................................................................9

Southern Farm Bureau Life Insurance Company...........................................23

~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7-8A, ESV

~ John Piper

St. Andrew’s Episcopal School .........................11

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ~ JOHN 15:12, ESV

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

St. Dominic’s Surgical Services ......................31

Stegall Imagery...........................................................15

~ HEBREWS 10:24-25, ESV

Sunnybrook Estates ..............................................22

The deep happiness that marriage can bring, then, lies on the far side of sacrificial service in the power of the Spirit. That is, you only discover your own happiness after each of you has put the happiness of your spouse ahead of your own, in a sustained way, in response to what Jesus has done.

TrustCare Kids..............................................................13

~ Timothy Keller, “The Meaning of Marriage” 30 FEBRUARY 2021 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living

Twin Lakes .....................................................................27

Blann Lutken Jackson, MS

“I am very thankful for St. Dominic’s.”

As a young mom with a new job, Blann Lutken was shocked when she was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 30. She met with a different specialist every day for a week, and suddenly Blann had an entire team of medical professionals at

St. Dominic’s Surgical Services coming together to save her life.

For more information about St. Dominic’s Surgical Services, call 601-200-2000 or visit www.stdom.com.

Thanks to St. Dominic’s she can be the mom she always wanted to be.

Skilled Hands and Compassionate Hearts.

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