the voices behind my eyes

DEDICATED TO YOU

the voices behind my eyes Inspired by words wot Sarah Silverman spoke once

LANCE EDWARD ASTON

C HAPTER 1

the voices behind my eyes: Close your eyes.

Oops now you can’t read.

Maybe this book should be in braille.

Then I’d have to learn Braille.

Where do/did/ these words come from ?

What is driving these keystrokes/this pen/ these words?

Questions ? but no answers ?

S ECTION 1 “T HIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL ”.

THE VOICE OF REASON THE FUNNY VOICE THE AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE VOICE THE VOICE OF DESPAIR THE CALCULATING VOICE

Q UESTIONS

BUT NO ANSWERS

THE ANGRY VOICE

1. My thoughts create them both

THE VOICE OF JUDGEMENT

2. I PONDER-QUESTION-THINK-

THE DEFENSIVE VOICE

3. I hear many voices.

THE CARING VOICE

4. Where do they come from?

5. Are they me?

6. Was I born with them?

7. These and many more enquiries will be considered in these pages.

2

3

S ECTION 2

Hearing as opposed to Listening

it can make us jump with fear it can make us cry with delight or sorrow it effects our emotions it is how auditory spoken communication is expressed are you listening to these written words behind your eyes ?

AMAZING

The complexities of hearing are incredible Invisible waves of sound vibrations are caught by our shell shaped ears those vibrations hit our ear drum which in turn vibrates and that vibration is turned into electric and chemical messages sent to the jelly in our heads I really don’t know ... then that brain/mind analyzes it and somehow that becomes noises and language that we recognize behind our eyes. it gives us a sense of direction it triggers emotion 4

S ECTION 3

mind a word with many meanings I don’t know what mind is yet it is a word that is very powerful your mind is you, or is it ? it was all in his mind

every action that you do or do not take

I don’t mind

is determined by your mind, maybe.

I changed my mind

every thought

do you mind ?

every action is a process of mind, perhaps.

be mindfull of others

think about it.

I have a mind to build a house on that hill

you are doing that with your

will you mind the store/shop for ten minutes ?

mind

don’t mind if I do mind over matter

5

S ECTION 4

thought

a process of mind an ability to have sentences in your language consider different scenarios sentences behind my eyes do your thoughts feel like yours ? do your sentences repeat over and over again ? do you hear different voices/people ? who is you ?

I think therefore I am.

I am because I think I am.

6

S ECTION 5

person-ality

how would you define your ALITY ?

? ?

DU- ality RE- ality SEXU- ality HOMOSEXU- ality •

neutr ality.

•

speci ality.

•

gener ality.

•

centr ality.

•

sensu ality.

•

immort ality.

•

illeg ality.

7

S ECTION 6

conscious Latin conscious sharing knowledge with Con - scire - with, to know

some people think they are just smarty pants and make stuff up to impress girls a stream of conscious ness. what is ness? another chapter what does conscious mean to you?

he’s regained conscious ness she has a guilty conscious are you conscious of the fact that she... conscious of his bad breath he ate a mint ANOTHER WORD THAT MEANS SO MANY THINGS “to be aware of ones own existence” “to be awake” “to understand what is happening around you in space and time” what is higher conscious ness? how does one individual person define something we have no universal understanding of ?

8

S ECTION 7

sub conscious Pierre Janet Wikapedia The word "subconscious" represents an anglicized version of the French subconscient as coined by the psychologist Pierre Janet (1859–1947), who argued that underneath the layers of critical-thought functions of the conscious mind lay a powerful awareness that he called the subconscious mind

I don’t know what that is.

It’s one under conscious and I am informed the the next level is Un Conscious.

So where do the voices behind my eyes come from?

Conscious - Sub Conscious - Non Conscious - Un Conscious Where are calculations made?

Addition, Choice, Deciding between one idea and another.

How am I ? Who am I ? What am I ?

My 4 year old needs to know.

Sometimes dreams can seem more REAL than when I am awake.

When asleep we enter a whole new world Dreams are another chapter though.

What is sub conscious to you ?

9

S ECTION 8

non conscious

In this model where is the part of my brain that is doing all the physical stuff, like walking and typing and talking and breathing ?

It was explained to me as everything else your brain is doing while I am awake or asleep.

Breathing, liver function, blood, enzymes, movement, everything. Everything that we do without thinking how to do it.

I am thinking words that are being translated into hand movements that control a pen that wrote these words that is now reading those handwritten symbols that I then convert to keystrokes.

Is that is one element of my non conscious mind. Like driving a stick shift.

It is everything I am not aware of doing but somehow just happens.

It is me in a much bigger picture of the known universe.

10

S ECTION 9

dreams

Personally I’m not convinced. I write them down sometimes and when I read them back I am taken to that amazing memory of the dream.

Then I ponder how do I remember that? How do I see these pictures behind my eyes.

Then I think of you.

I sometimes wish I could live in dreams all the time.

I think of the Hamlet speech.

I’m not talking about GOALS or AMBITIONS I’m talking about when you are asleep and you are in a different “WORLD” nope a world is this planet

Are dreams the most significant part of Sub Conscious?

A candy-colored clown they call the sandman Tiptoes to my room every night Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper

A different “State” No that’s not right. I don’t think the word different is correct.

You are in a dream - you are dreaming.

Simple is better.

Sometimes my dreams are so vivid and I am so immersed in them when I wake I am torn away from some incredible places and people.

Some people claim to be able to interpret dreams, certainly a lot in the Bible.

"Go to sleep. Everything is all right."

I close my eyes, then I drift away Into the magic night, I softly say A silent prayer like dreamers do Then I fall asleep to dreams, my dreams of you In dreams I walk with you, in dreams I talk to you In dreams you're mine, all of the time We're together in dreams, in dreams But just before the dawn, I awake and find you gone I can't help it, I can't help it, if I cry I remember that you said goodbye It's too bad that all these things Can only happen in my dreams Only in dreams, in beautiful dreams Songwriters: Roy Orbison

11

S ECTION 10

reality

Is it a human condition. ?

Do birds chirp about it? Do dogs bark about it?

Do birds say, in bird calls, are we real?

Do dogs bark “Do I exist” ?

Probably not but we don’t know.

Real ITY - Grav ITY - Generous ITY - Dual ITY - Electric ITY WHAT IS ITY ?

Does it make real, real ITY ?

Why not Kind ITY or Love ITY or Give ITY or War ITY? Did it all get less real ? big word.

No real meaning ITY.

12

S ECTION 11

drugs

Since the dawn of mankind there have been Shaman- witch doctors- the medicine man- healers male and female. They all used and still use drugs in some form or another.

One hundred years ago you would find cocaine, heroin and cannabis in a doctors bag.

Now we incarcerate tens of thousands of people for the same compounds.

Sears Roebuck used to sell an opium injection kit.

Coca Cola used real Cocaine.

Then drug companies and other folk changed all that.

“An altered state caused by changes in the neural pathways of the brain.

A word that once again has many meanings, but serious consequences if wrongly used medically or recreationally.

13

S ECTION 12

SELF

Self ish Be your self Don’t be self ish Love your self She won’t love you if your self ish Strange ain’t it.

Add ISH and all of a sudden the meaning somehow reverses.

Are the voices behind your eyes your SELF ? “ Give your self fully to God” Something to meditate on.

14

S ECTION 13

self awareness

give yourself a hug while you close your eyes. are you aware of your self ? are you bigger than you thought? how am I evaluating that? how am I asking that question? how big are the voices behind your eyes?

15

S ECTION 14

instinct WIKI Any behavior is instinctive if it is performed without being based upon prior experience (that is, in the absence of learning), and is therefore an expression of innate biological factors.

An instinctive behavior like shaking water from wet fur. the 4 basics

A baby leatherback turtle makes its way to the open ocean

RUN HIDE FIGHT PLAY DEAD

16

S ECTION 15

emotion

motion with an E

despair, joy, ecstatic, melancholy, helpless, empowered, disappointed, triumphant, depressed, angry. happy,

but in the end it’s how you feel

17

S ECTION 16

Trying to forget my feelings of love.

feeling

Teardrops rolling down on my face, Trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.

I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you And feelings like I've never have you again in my heart.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.

I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Close your eyes.

Oh there we go again.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you And feelings like I've never have you again in my life.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,

Touch something.

Wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.

I am touching the paper with the side of my hand. It is smooth and cool and feels good. Now I am aware of the pen between my fingers, writing without the need to see, automatic, trained. Non conscious. Effortless

Feelings

With my eyes closed I am aware of my breathing. I am aware of the warm breeze that blows through the open door.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, Wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.

Feelings...

Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

Today is independence day.

18

C HAPTER 2

choices You are the sum total of your

choices.

Not my words but rather big in concept.

S ECTION 1

→

choices

↑

↑ ↑

↑ Should I stay or should I go ?

↑

Do I run, hide, fight, play dead ? ↑ Are these the real basics ?

Is that what choices are based on ?

My writing is so special, so amazing, so beautiful.

↑ ↑

I don’t choose my writing. ↑ It is who I am. Is it me ? my choice to write without proper grammar and punctuation even spellinig or to stop writing completely is a choice. I feel overwhelmed when I think of the choices we have in life. Oh for days of just doing what you’re told to do. Sleep now-work now- clean now- eat now- sleep now - work now - clean now -eat now-o h heaven or hell → → → → →

↑

↑

the choice to use the line with arrows ... that was a choice. didn’t really need to do that but for the future to read this back and understand the TRAIN OF THOUGHT ...

WOW. and choose every moment according to what? what do I base my choices on? what do you base your choices on? fear mostly I’m sure #task completion #do I choose the task? if you are the sum total of your choices then determining what drives your choices is an interesting topic to explore.

↑ → 20

S ECTION 2

EVALUATION

should I stay or should I go? is this where these choices come from?

Sodium channel blockers are drugs which impair the conduction of sodium ions (Na+) through sodium channels.[1] until we can understand the mechanics of the mind any philosophy is a mute point. do I correct the spelling ? choice determined by.... time and space and your journey.

21

S ECTION 3

words

sometimes I wish we didn’t have words then we could just stare and grunt at each other.

do babies think?

I think in words that I learned. surely a baby can think, but in what way?

Smile an everlasting smile a smile could bring you near to me Don't ever let me find you're gone cause that would bring a tear to me This world has lost its glory let's start a brand new story now my love

I wish I could remember.

I almost can. What is your earliest memory of thinking?

I shall ponder that.

I am a baby and then I am off being a chatterbox picking up all these words and feeling so descriptive.

Right now there'll be no other time and I can show you all my love Talk an everlasting words and dedicate them all to me And I will give you all my love I'm here if you should call to me You think that I don't even mean a single word I say It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away You think that I don't even mean a single word I say It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away

I need to listen to children more

Songwriters: Barry Gibb / Maurice Ernest Gibb / Robin Hugh Gibb

22

S ECTION 4

language

power- greed- religion - all so stupid and ignorant. impending doom will perhaps unite the humans on this planet.

I hope so. it’s really not working too well currently this human experiment that nature created. or didn’t.

BABEL the story of God was concerned that humans had blasphemed by building the tower to avoid a second flood so God brought into existence multiple languages. Thus, humans were divided into linguistic groups, unable to understand one another.

it would be so much simpler if we humans just had one language

but humans are stupid and would never find a universal /planetary way. we just love to fight and argue.

23

S ECTION 5

understanding

what’s so funny about Peace Love and Under standing if only he/she would understand.

I understand but I don’t comprehend I understand but I don’t agree je ne comprend pas

there goes that language thing.

24

S ECTION 6

comprehension

Do I understand? Understand what? Comprehension.

No that madness we call humanity is not possible to comprehend.

We are at the precipice of human survival unless the brighter souls (Soul, the immortal essence of a living being) can somehow turn the juggernaut of pain, hate and sorrow in a different direction.

The idea of sovereign nations on a global level needs to be reviewed and adapted to help our species survive.

Change or die.

American politics is about to create such global tension that perhaps will end civilization. Or create anew and better future for mankind.

All I think about are my damn credit cards.

Watt’simportant to you ?

25

C HAPTER 3

memory Scientists claim that we store every moment of our lives in our memory.

Our Jelly brains.

So why can’t I remember what happened yesterday ?

Or peoples names. People I know well.

Or a song lyric ?

I can pull quite exact mental video images, from my memory to my “ Minds eye ” .

I can remember songs from 40 years ago but not the one I wrote yesterday?

Is memory a trick?

Something I can improve?

I am stagnant. I am stuck in history. I have to reach out.

S ECTION 1

short term memory SuperTits 99 will be remembered.

Pink upside down cows will be remembered.

Where did I put my keys ?

What was her name ?

How many drinks have I had ?

How did I feel?

How did I get here ?

Do I agree that I am a carbon based life form consisting of billions of atoms that cre ate matter that creates me in a point in space and time as determined by my spe cies we refer to as humans.

Know what I mean?

27

S ECTION 2

long term

long term mamory Pictures and sound of days gone past.

A record of your experiences.

Notta Bene

From now on my brain will be referred to as Brian.

Where in the Brian is my long term memory.

Does it have a specific place in my Brian

jelly.

28

S ECTION 3

the Brian and how it knows

Knowing where things are seems effortless. Yet our Brians devote tremendous computational power to figuring out the simplest details about spatial relationships.

they take to reach each ear, and how the ear’s balance organs help us monitor body posture and movement. The Brian synthesizes all this neural information so that we can navigate three-dimensional space.

But the Brian’s work doesn’t end there. Spatial representations do double duty in aiding memory and reasoning. This is why it is harder to remember how to get somewhere if someone else is driving, and why, if we set out to do something and forget what it was, returning to the place we started can jog our memory. In making space the Brian uses powers we did not know we have.

I did not write this, it came from amazon stuff and google. its intense.

Going to the grocery store or finding our cell phone requires sleuthing and coordination across different sensory and motor domains. Making Space traces this mental detective work to explain how the brain creates our sense of location. But it goes further, to make the case that spatial processing permeates all our cognitive abilities, and that the Brian’s systems for thinking about space may be the systems of thought itself.

Our senses measure energy in the form of light, sound, and pressure on the skin, and our Brians evaluate these measurements to make inferences about objects and boundaries.

Jennifer Groh describes how eyes detect electromagnetic radiation, how the Brian can locate sounds by measuring differences of less than one one-thousandth of a second in how long 29

S ECTION 4

survival

of the fittest? or the meanest? or the quickest? or the group?

The group survives the individual.

The wolf pack.

30

S ECTION 5

chemistry

People tell me Chemistry is the study of matter, its properties, how and why substances combine or separate to form other substances, and how substances interact with energy. everything we are is chemistry. everything we are aware of is Chemistry. atoms molecular structure how we see is chemistry the voices behind my eyes are chemistry in action people think of chemists as being white-coated scientists mixing strange liquids in a laboratory, but the truth is we are all chemists.

31

S ECTION 6

Passion

The English word has its roots in the Latin Passio, which means simply, "Suffering." the passion of the Christ strong and barely controllable emotion. digging fingers in flesh complete focus and drive on actions taken excitement time fly’s by deep breath intense enthusiasm I think passion means being very aware of the moment. Deep connection to the present moment. In the Now. 32

C HAPTER 4

love

a word that describes the undefinable / indescribable love is an emotion e motion is a feeling love is a feeling what is a feeling ?

S ECTION 1

sex

three letters that just mean

a penis moving in a vagina how you make a baby

way too much

the pain of childbirth is a punishment to women by God and man will rule over her according to the bible.

gender male female intercourse continuance of a species and bloodline

34

S ECTION 2

1

truth

2 3 is relative to the beholder and is therefore an opinion 4 5 6 7 8

is science truth ?

9

is math truth ?

10 one persons truth is another persons lie

is truth not lying ? is truth what is real ? what is real ? unbiased observation of an event or object. the Gospel truth I swear to tell the whole truth so help me God. God is truth? truth means 35

S ECTION 3

I’m frightened of:

fear

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

a basic instinct for survival

8

an emotional response to a thought or action or physical threat

9

an invented scenario to stop you taking some action that gives you cause to not take that action our frailty in this very dangerous world stops you in your tracks an involuntary action to a stimulus that evokes danger a choice against being brave or not

10 Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. #WIKI False Evidence Appearing Real what are you frightened of ?

a survival tool physical and emotional.

36

S ECTION 4

the heart of a dead person can give life to another

death

an afterlife obsession the end of a person or animals consciousness death is a part of life Lance Aston’s mind made all of this up. so what do you think about death.?

Is it the final frontier or just a beginning ?

the opposite of life your one guarantee in life the biggest fear? when LIFE as we know it ENDS the release of your immortal essence the end planetary/ universal/ / human do we mourn the death of a fruit fly? are skeletons found in dirt dead people or skeletons? is a fossil dead? is death physical ?

37

dedicated to you

you took a look at a book that makes no sense and now you can ponder why, how and who, with those voices behind your eyes.

xxxviii

inspired by Sarah Silverman

If I have infringed on someones stuff please let me no.

© Lance Edward Aston 2018 all rights reserved. I don’t really know what that means but I’ve seen it before. www.lanceaston.com

xxxix

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