Echuca Moama Magazine Issue 10 by McPherson Media Group

S PRI S PRI NG/S NG/S U MUM MER M ER 2019 2019

He ain’t heavy, he’s my carer Riverine

Herald

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The Greens. It’s the perfect place just to enjoy a drink, have a roll with friends or hosting a fun function, our clubhouse can cater for any occasion. The Greens features outdoor BBQ and function facilities that are second to none. See you at The Greens. Open from 10am daily. Never played, or require some assistance? No problem! The bowls department or one of the club’s qualified coaches will be on hand to help free of charge.

6 Shaw St., Moama NSW 2731. FreeCall 1800 806 777 www.moamabowlingclub.com.au

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STORI E S

Welcome to E M. HOW do you summarise Echuca-Moama in a word?

Charmayne Allison, editor charmayne.allison@riverineherald.com.au Ivy Jensen Lachlan Durling Charmayne Allison Jared Prestwidge Ari Balle-Bowness Morgan Dyer Alex Gretgrix

PHOTOGRAPHY Cath Grey

DESIGN

Brendan Cain Bella Considine Tanya Main

ADVERTISING Kristy Hayes Emma Mortimer Stuart Addicott Kerry Vevers Ross Harris

PUBLISHER Riverine Herald 28 Percy St, Echuca, VIC 3564 P: (03) 5482 1111 W: www.riverineherald.com.au facebook facebook.com/ EchucaMoamaMagazine

‘Community’ is the one that immediately pops to my mind. Yes, we’ve nailed a blissful lifestyle, stunning riverside views and buzzing tourism. But it’s the warmth and support of our extraordinarily tight-knit community that sets the twin towns apart. We’ll be celebrating this inclusive spirit in the latest echucamoama. Starting with a series featuring four carers and clients from our local disability services, Vivid and Community Living and Respite Services. Stories of strength, generosity and compassion — the stuff our community is made of — they’ll be sure to leave you inspired. And while our other series on men’s mental health can be heartbreaking, hope is the overwhelming theme. These men have chosen to courageously share their journeys

in an effort to highlight an often-silenced — but hugely devastating — epidemic in our community and too many others across the country. And the stories don’t stop there — these pages are filled with many more local tales, from a feature on one of the last Brigidine nuns in Echuca-Moama. To the Cinderella story of a migrant who went from washing dishes in the streets of Vietnam to building her own restaurant empire in the twin towns. Plus much more. As always this community of ours wouldn’t continue to thrive without shopping local. And without our advertisers this magazine would not be possible so I encourage each and every one of you to support those businesses and support our town. Enjoy,

CHARMAYNE ALLISON Editor

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contents a care factor of 0–10, 8 On Ben is off the chart If 18 per cent of all Victorians are disabled, and they are, a lot of able bodied people, with the gift of care, are needed to help them enjoy happy, healthy and safe lives. MORGAN DYER spoke to a singularly modest 22-year-old who brought a lifetime of experience to his role at Vivid.

16 The fine art of recovery

Life can imitate art, but for Leanne Wills it is her life that has dictated her art — to a point. Being wheelchair-bound means almost nothing to the woman who is doing it all — and seems to never miss a thing. LACHLAN DURLING caught up with Leanne in her home gallery to talk art, life and what living with disability means to her.

20 Sue’s retirement renaissance

JARED PRESTWIDGE reports on a retirement that could have gone so wrong but which has blossomed into a new life and new hope for one Melbourne couple.

feels blessed 24 Tanya just to be included People who find service as their true calling seem to inherit fulfillment as a legacy. JARED PRESTWIDGE was squeezed into the hectic schedule at Vivid Living to talk to its team leader — and everyone else who disrupted the conversation with endless phone calls and a seemingly endless queue at the office door.

the name of the Father, 28 In the Son and the Holy Spirit Faith has sustained Sister Cecilia Merrigan for almost 60 of her

75 years; but it has not been able to sustain the Brigidine order she serves as a Catholic nun in Echuca-Moama. She is one of just three nuns still here and told IVY JENSEN about the work the Brigidines have done and the changes she has lived through — and led.

the tropical depths 33 From of Northern Vietnam Hue Hoang had a hard road to hoe, from the family’s small village farm to Australian restaurateur in downtown Echuca-Moama. ALEX GRETGRIX talks turkey with this one-woman tornado.

WANT MORE EM MAG? Find us on facebook: facebook facebook.com/EchucaMoamaMagazine

55 24

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bloke’s bloke was 36 The just a fragile façade Ryan Grace is in the business of saving lives, working from the head down. But as he told CHARMAYNE ALLISON, first he had to learn how to save himself.

in a man-made disaster 40 Trapped CHARMAYNE ALLISON talks to just one farmer of the many surrounding the twin towns, knowing his story is being repeated from farm to farm, family to family and there doesn’t seem to be any sign of change on the horizon — let alone rain.

A lifetime of too much ended in just one moment He wasn’t a macho man but he was a bloke. And that meant you kept problems to yourself. But for Paul Harrison the final straw would come from selfless service to the community. CHARMAYNE ALLISON reports.

soldier boy’s 50 The never ending battle Chris Roberts was about to die. By his own hand. But instinctively reached for the phone when it rang as he was heading out the door to go to the river and drown himself. It was a call that would save his life and, eventually, give him new hope. CHARMAYNE ALLISON tells his story.

unseen angel of 53 Our the community Child welfare is a labyrinth of rules, regulations and bureaucracy today but as LACHLAN DURLING found out, 40 and 50 years ago it was ad hoc at best and that’s when a champion of the underdog stepped up to make sure no children fell through the cracks on her watch.

Who let the dogs in? 55 Trawling the state for stray animals, abused animals and rescued animals demands a dedication and a commitment beyond buying a few raffle tickets for the RSPCA. But fashion retailer Kelly Robson’s ‘other’ life is the reason, she knows, for which she was put on the earth. ALEX GRETGRIX reports.

rallied (temporarily) 57 Ari before he blew it (totally) Car rallies were all the rage back in the 1960s, as more and more people got cars. Now 50 years later they are making a comeback so ace driver ARI BALLE-BOWNESS was plucked out of the Riv office, dumped into the front seat of a work car and told to start driving.

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ON A CARE FACTOR OF 0â&#x20AC;&#x201C;10,

BEN IS OFF THE CHART If 18 per cent of all Victorians are disabled, and they are, a lot of able bodied people, with the gift of care, are needed to help them enjoy happy, healthy and safe lives. MORGAN DYER spoke to a singularly modest 22-year-old who brought a lifetime of experience to his role at Vivid. >>

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>> BEN DRI accidentally walked into his job.

brother Nathan.

Which accidentally set him on the first step towards a career.

Average, however, is the last word Nathan would use to

As a carer.

describe his little brother.

First with his older brother Nathan, now increasingly for others who need assistance, especially Ben’s assistance.

Nathan has cerebral palsy and epilepsy and would prove the career catalyst for Ben.

It has been a subtle evolution that has turned an ordinary bloke into something extraordinary.

“Nathan will tell anyone who listens that his little brother

People working in disability tend to fly under the radar. They are not front page news, not topics of discussion around the water fountain and certainly not rewarded with high-flying salaries.

“He loves to embarrass me and make me sound like I’m an

But as low-key as too many of these roles are, it did not stop Ben being as nervous as all get out when he walked through the front door at Vivid to begin his new life.

anxiety about finding a job bogged his direction further.

Even after all that Ben tries to brush it all off, finds it amazing that anyone would be interested in what he has done, is doing and where he is going.

works with him,” Ben said. amazing person, but I’m not, I’m really just a normal guy.” After finishing school, like many other teens, Ben found himself unsure of his future and with months passing by But Ben had, literally, been staring his future in the face since the day he was born. “One day I went to pick Nathan up from Vivid and they asked me if I was interested in a job there because they really needed young male workers,” Ben said.

Ask him what he sees in the mirror each morning and Ben doesn’t hesitate — Mr Average.

With his mother on his back about finding a job, he had no

A 22-year-old living at home with mum, stepfather and

certainly uncertainly.

real choice but to accept the offer, somewhat reluctantly,

IT’S NOT A JOB YOU DO JUST FOR MONEY, YOU HAVE TO REALLY CARE, AND YOU CAN SEE THAT CARE AND CONCERN IN THE EYES OF ALL THE PEOPLE WORKING HERE WITH ME. IT’S HUMAN NATURE TO CARE FOR EACH OTHER 11

“Once I started working, without ever realising it, I knew this was what I loved to do,” Ben said. “In so many ways it had always been a natural part of my everyday life.” That said, Ben remains something of a rarity in the disability industry, where females account for almost 90 per cent of the workforce. Even worse, fewer than 10 per cent of people working in the disability industry are aged 25 or younger. But having grown up with his only brother disabled, the job for Ben is almost a home away from home, a place where he feels totally at ease at work and knows people with a disability only want to be treated as equals. A trait his mother instilled in both her sons.

making things about me,” he said. “You have to remain professional, but that is hard, especially when you see them every day. You build bonds and relationships with each and every person there, so it’s definitely hard to separate personal life from work life. “If something bad happens you do get upset; if something good happens you want to celebrate with them,” he said. With more than 18 per cent of Victorians living with a disability, even in the twin towns and their reputation for inclusion, Ben said people are becoming more accepting of people with a disability. “I feel like you don’t need to explain yourself if you are going somewhere with someone with a disability,” he added. And the same goes for when the brothers are playing footy — it’s fair game. “I’ll tackle him just as hard as anyone else and even if we are with my mates they understand he’s a normal person and they treat him the same.

“We don’t treat Nathan any different, he’s just my brother,” Ben said. “Nothing crazy happens here, we are just normal. I don’t come home and think I will have to keep working; it’s a very different environment at home.

“There is no patronising him, no-one belittles or babies him,” he said.

“I only occasionally work with him, and it can be fun working together, but we see enough of each other,” he said.

And even though Nathan can only use one hand, Ben never lets him win a video game without a fight.

Nathan is the family miracle, lucky to have survived soon after he was born.

At just 22, Ben knows he and Nathan will remain joined at the hip for the long-term.

“It was only me, Nathan and Mum for a long time,” Ben said. “It helped shape who I am because I had to step up and help mum look after my brother.

“There will come a day mum won’t be physically or emotionally capable of looking after Nathan and I will take on that responsibility.

“If there’s a real hero here it’s my mum.

“I want to because he’s my brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him because I know that he would do anything he possibly can for me.

“She’s always taken Nathan under her wing, and she never let us miss out on anything,” he said. However, like all families they do face their challenges. “Some days you do notice it, and Nathan’s disabilities kick in a bit more and we have a bit of a rough day,” Ben explained.

“But I want to repay mum for everything she has done, not just for Nathan but for both of us over the years “I’d do anything for my family.”

“If Nathan gets frustrated and can’t explain something, his way of getting it out is getting angry.

In the meantime Ben already sees his disability career opening further, there are things he sees he can add, areas where he can learn.

“But we all have a chain of understanding and once he rides it out, we go back to acting like nothing ever happened.

None of which makes him think, for a minute, he might look for something else to do.

“You can’t hold grudges,” he said. Ben’s innate understanding of disability makes his work second nature. “It’s a very rewarding job, and it’s great knowing you’ve put a smile on the faces of other people,” he said. “At the end of the day my job is just to help guide my clients in what they ultimately want to achieve.” But Ben’s job, combined with his selfless commitment to caring, has impacted his life in many other ways in what is a job but also more than a job. “I’ve always had a passion for caring for people, I don’t like

“This is what I want to do. It might have got thrown on me but now I don’t want to do anything else,” he said. “And I can’t see myself doing anything else. “It’s not a job you do just for money, you have to really care, and you can see that care and concern in the eyes of all the people working here with me. “It’s human nature to care for each other.” It’s Ben’s nature to care more than most, like his many colleagues at Vivid and across the disability industry. An industry where caring doesn’t just count, it is a priceless gift. 

EchucaMoama

And Mr Average has never looked back.

Sue, Mick and Anthony Fragiacomo

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0 0 0 , 0 1 $ A N I W D

L O H E S HOU ! 40 Years Strong E G A K C PA For the Fragiacomo family, nothing is Betta than working with family.

Long before the internet, high-definition TVs, smartphones — or anything wireless — Mick & Sue started their family business. “In Deniliquin, my parents opened Deni Discount electrical store, before joining the Betta Group in ‘79,” son Anthony said.

Before this, Betta stores outside the metropolitans only sold electrical goods.

“At the time, the team couldn’t find a place big enough to hold both departments so we had two stores,” he said. “Until a year ago when a new store big enough for both came up on the site of the old Echuca saleyard.” Anthony grew up in the store and with the move, it was time for him to take the reins.

Now, 40 years later, as they celebrate their ruby anniversary with Betta Home Living, the business has grown beyond the Fragiacomo family. “We’ve got Nathan and Dyanna Boucher, Brett Vincent — a veteran of the industry — Janet Murphy, Owen Egan, Paul Welling, and Ken Brownfield to name a few,” Anthony said. “The business is much more than just our family name.” While the business grew so did the team, now with more stores and a larger selection of appliances. “In recent years, Betta Home Living brought back furniture to their country stores,” Anthony said.

someone who doesn’t come to work happy.

“You can see it through the 225 years of experience our team has in the industry and we all live it, love it, and breathe it,” Anthony said. “Whether it’s staying back once a week to build furniture, or crisscrossing between sections, everyone is always happy to lend each other a hand.

“But the really great thing about this job is it’s not just about selling it’s about helping the community.

“I was the department manager of the furniture store, and when we moved here mum and dad wanted to slow down, so I became one of the back-of-house managers,” he said.

“Chatting with locals and helping them get the right product for them.”

“They still come in most days and help me with the things I miss, that way they still have their fingers on the pulse.”

To celebrate 40 years in the business, Betta is offering a $10,000 instore prize to the winner of their anniversary raffle.

Mick & Sue might be slowing down, but the business isn’t — they recently opened a new store in Rochester. “At Rochester we’ve got Ken Brownfield and Paul Welling,” Anthony said. “But we all do a lot of cross over between the two stores we have now.”

HOW TO ENTER

The lucky winner will be announced on Christmas Eve. A single ticket goes in the draw with every purchase over $100, a maximum of five tickets. The family team is there seven days a week, located at 161–168 Ogilvie Ave, Echuca and 45 Moore St, Rochester.

Anthony said you’d be hard-pressed to find Stop in and make your day a little Betta. 1 TICKET PE R $100 SPENT SACTION 5 TICKET MA X IN ON E TR AN Terms and Conditions apply. Comeptition runs from 30/09/2019 - 24/12/2019. See in store for details.

ECHUCA BETTA HOME LIVING

161-168 Ogilvie Ave, Echuca I (03) 5482 3555 I echuca.furniture@my.betta.com.au

ROCHESTER BETTA HOME LIVING

45 Moore Street, Rochester I (03) 5484 2242 I rochester@my.betta.com.au

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Meet the team

Brett Vincent

Ken Brownfield

Owen Egan

Brett Vincent is the electrical department manager with over 40 years of local retail experience under his belt. Like Anthony, he was born into the family business. If the name Vincent rings a bell you may remember Vincent’s Retravision in town.

Ken has over 40 years of retail experience, owning clothing stores.

Owen is the sales admin and marketing brain of the Betta team.

When Betta opened their Rochester branch 18 months ago, Ken joined the team.

Owen didn’t come from a retail background. Since leaving school in 2003 Owen worked in land surveys until he felt the urge to change. He has been in Echuca for 15 years. Owen joined the team nine months ago.

“My father was one of the founding members of Retravision and he was also a founding member of the Rich River Golf Club,” Brett said. “It is nice that I have been able to go from one family business to another,” Brett said. “I have a good repour with the people and I live, love and breath this job.”

Paul Welling

“Ken has been great to us, he has such a wealth of industry knowledge,” Anthony said.

The Boucher’s Nathan Boucher, Wife Dyanna, daughter Chloe, and son Riley Jones are all a part of the Betta family. Nathan is the night-fill manager, delivery driver, and a sales rep. Nathan has been with Betta for close two years and Dyanna for almost six months.

Paul joined the Echuca team 18-months ago when Betta opened the Rochester store.

Riley helps with deliveries and Chloe comes in on the weekends.

The Logistics Officer by trade was ready to do something new. “I think Paul was looking for more of a clientbased setting,” Anthony said. “He’s a fantastic guy and a real asset to the team.”

“Once a week Nathan, Owen, his wife Dyanna and I stay back building furniture and getting everything on the floor up to scratch,” Anthony said. “They’re just such a great family team.”

“I love the engagement with customers that I get here,” Owen said.

Janet Murphy Janet has over 40 years of experience in the industry. She worked for Retravision and Betta Home living in Deniliquin. “I worked at Retravision for 20 years and then 14 years ago I started working at Betta out there,” she said. Early this year, Janet joined the Betta Echuca team. “It’s just a lovely family orientated place to work,” she said. “You are just treated as part of the gang.”

HOW TO ENTER

1 TICKET PE R $100 SPENT SACTION 5 TICKET MA X IN ON E TR AN

4 x Retailer of the Year | 1 x National Bank Retailer of the Year | Service Award | Community Service Award.

Terms and Conditions apply. Comeptition runs from 30/09/2019 - 24/12/2019. See in store for details.

ECHUCA BETTA HOME LIVING

161-168 Ogilvie Ave, Echuca I (03) 5482 3555 I echuca.furniture@my.betta.com.au

ROCHESTER BETTA HOME LIVING

45 Moore Street, Rochester I (03) 5484 2242 I rochester@my.betta.com.au

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1 TICKET PE R $100 SPENT SACTION 5 TICKET MA X IN ON E TR AN Terms and Conditions apply. Comeptition runs from 30/09/2019 - 24/12/2019. See in store for details.

ECHUCA BETTA HOME LIVING

161-168 Ogilvie Ave, Echuca I (03) 5482 3555 I echuca.furniture@my.betta.com.au

ROCHESTER BETTA HOME LIVING

45 Moore Street, Rochester I (03) 5484 2242 I rochester@my.betta.com.au

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Terms and Conditions apply. Comeptition runs from 30/09/2019 - 24/12/2019. See in store for details. ECHUCA BETTA HOME LIVING

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ROCHESTER BETTA HOMEECHUCA LIVING

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ROCHESTER BETTA HOME LIVING

45 Moore Street, Rochester I (03) 5484 2242 I rochester@my.betta.com.au

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The fine art of RECOVERY

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IT’S AN INTROVERT’S worst nightmare. A photo of yourself plastered up on windows in Percy St, a 2mx2 m photo of a smiling you and the federal MP. So how on earth did a reluctant Leanne Wills find herself put on display in such a public forum? Two words. Suzanna Barry. For anyone who knows Suzanna and what Community Living and Respite Services does, that pretty well covers it. But the story of how Leanne, a Tongala mother, went from working at the local bank to becoming the CLRS poster girl is not a straight line from A to B. These days it’s rare to be at a CLRS event and not see Leanne, she’s a member of the fundraising committee, the board, a participant in Johnno’s Run and anything else she can add to her ever-growing list. It’s hard to imagine she can still find time to head off to school, paintbrushes in hand, and study fine arts. But that is exactly what the mother of three — and grandmother of seven — has done for the past five years. It’s a passion that has seen her through some of the toughest mental and physical challenges in her life, challenges that saw her end up in a wheelchair in 2011. “I already had muscular dystrophy prior to that, so I was struggling physically and I developed another condition,” Leanne said. “I spent a lot of time in hospital and came out in probably a lot worse position than I am in now. I’ve been able to improve slowly — I could barely hold a pen in the beginning. “And so I got back into art as something to occupy the mind.” It was a passion that helped the self-confessed hermit cope with the news her life would be changed forever — and that she would not be able to walk again. “There was that very big question mark I guess, of what’s in store in life. And I certainly didn’t have a plan, I didn’t know where it was going to lead,” Leanne admitted. “I was very uncomfortable with my life because it’s such a big change. I already had what I would have called a standing disability. “I have two sides to my life: the before the chair life and the after. “And it’s a very distinctive line through my life. And everything relates to before or after. “This life, in the very beginning, I wouldn’t put myself in situations to become noticeable. And even doing something

18 EchucaMoama

>> like this, to be interviewed, my instant reaction was no, I’m not worthy or I’m certainly not something special, I just do what I do to get by. “Just wish I had a bit more of, I suppose, an extroverted

“It still does. If I thought about it, at least a quarter of my day these days is taken up with being disabled. “And whether that is people coming into my life to help, or the length of time it takes to do things and get places, there’s a big

personality that helps you get out there more.”

chunk of your life taken out just being disabled.”

Make no mistake, the initial diagnosis had been a hammer

Enter Suzanna and her merry band of employees, client-users,

blow to Leanne, who knew she would eventually lose the

volunteers and everyone else who makes up the powerhouse

ability to walk, sit and stand.

CLRS team.

But even knowing it was coming, she never expected it to

It was 2011 and Leanne was introduced to this group of

happen so suddenly. What followed was a long road home, via months in hospital with the irreplaceable support of family and friends, before returning to Tongala and seeking the services of CLRS. Leanne was home, but she was ‘different’ and she was being forced to continually adapt to fit back into everything around her.

people who were willing to help, and who would later want her help to plan houses, events, fundraising and be on the board. And from that point on, it was hard for Leanne to stay home — and impossible to say no to CLRS chief executive and principal pressganger Suzanna. “It was around the time they had their Number Four Op Shop opening and I was involved with their art display a bit in the

And that took time.

beginning, and I was asked to come on as a board member,”

Lots of time.

she said.

“In the beginning, most of my day was taken up by just being disabled. When you don’t have physical capacity everything takes longer,” she said.

“Being invited on the board of CLRS was something where I felt I was way out of my depth. “You have accountants, lawyers and all these very professional,

“I don’t say I was feeling like I was drowning but I was dogpaddling for a while. They have always been very inclusive, professional and take me for who I am. “I do laugh, and this may seem strange, but Suzanna sent me a text one day and said, ‘the picture of the Eyre St Opening Doors Project with you and Damian Drum in it, are you happy if we put it on the front window?’ “And I just broke out into this sweat. “Things like that, just small things, take me more out of my comfort zone than some of the bigger things you can think of. “In saying that, disability wasn’t the greatest challenge in that, I think it was just my personality,” she laughed.

year and consumed my life a bit. But that’s all right, it’s always good,” Leanne said. “There was no set plan and even these days life’s not a full plan. There’s a means to an end sometimes but I find things just sort of slot in rather than being overly planned. “I didn’t know what to expect at all. Uni is self-based learning and I was surprised at just how self-based it was, it’s been good and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.” Circles dominate Leanne’s art, mainly in the form of billy buttons, those soft little golden balls growing on the roadside. It’s a reference to her childhood memories, driving with her parents — they would pull over and pick them. And it progressed from there.

It was hard for Leanne the introvert to adapt to a new way of living, and the attitudes that can come with it.

“To some people it seems monotonous, but I get quite lost in it,” Leanne said.

While she emphasises any negative experiences have been minor, and the positive experiences far outweigh the negative, there is still that anxiety around entering a room full of people.

“It’s easier to do and it’s certainly something that fills the head. Even thinking of paintings, and doing them, sometimes I’ve just enjoyed the monotony of something and even just drawing circles.

And them making an unnecessary fuss.

“It’s more a subconscious thing but particularly when, I now describe it as the ease of the curve, it was the ease of the action at the time.

“There is always, I suppose, that stigma to being disabled. There is that thing where you see people watching you in a different way. I can’t get on or off a train or bus as easily or have to use the lift,” Leanne admitted. “Some of the comments people make being well-intentioned can often have a big emotional impact. “These days I wish I could be a person in the crowd that was just a person in the crowd. “I’d love to be more of an advocate than I am, but I can’t get caught up in it. “Some of the things that do go wrong, I find I have to put them to the side because I can’t let it eat me up. I just need to move on and keep my headspace in the right space. “Art helps. It certainly did in the beginning and it still is now.”

“I still battle to draw straight lines, nothing is straight but I can draw circles, it’s a movement that comes with ease. “It fills the headspace and that helps with not becoming down or disinterested in life and it gives you something to work towards.” Now, eight years on from that time in a Melbourne hospital, she has had plenty of time to reflect. Her art, family, disability and her work in the community. “A piece of advice would be to not be so hard on myself,” she laughed. “I’m proud of CLRS as a whole. But I’m particularly proud to be a part of the Opening Doors Project.

Art is something Leanne has always loved. Growing up she was surrounded by everything hands-on and what she describes as ‘an upbringing of textiles and crafts’ with her parents.

“I’ve been on the project control group for Eyre and Maiden streets. I’m hoping I’ve been able to offer, from a disability perspective, considerations of what they need to look at in their houses and just helping out.

As her movement has become more limited, she has moved from sewing and knitting to fine art.

“I gravitate to those projects because I see the benefit they provide to parents and carers with children with disability who have done a lot of years in caring for their children.

And in 2014, after encouragement from her friend Kristen Dyer — who had seen a newspaper clipping in Leanne’s visual diary — Leanne decided to take the plunge and head to uni part-time to study a creative arts course, majoring in visual arts. “It was a bit like, it’s now or never. I’ve been doing it part time so this will be my final year, it’s well and truly ramped up this

“And for those carers and those parents to know that it is a safe environment and that they too, like all parents, can have that expectation that their child will grow up and can live their own life in a safe environment. “I think it is just a wonderful opportunity in our community to have these projects.” 

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highly educated people and then there’s little old me.

20 EchucaMoama

SU E’S RETIREM EN T RENAISSANCE Or how I moved to Echuca and saved my sanity JARED PRESTWIDGE reports on a retirement that could have gone so wrong but which has blossomed into a new life and new hope for one Melbourne couple. RETIREMENT is meant to be that little pot of gold at the end

“The weather up here is better, the people are beautiful. I just

of your personal rainbow.

love it.”

It’s what most Australians work hard to achieve, a just reward

But nostalgia lives in your mind, not in the real world. And

for decades of service for your country as a contributor — and

that’s where Sue hit the wall.

a taxpayer.

She had moved from her long-term home and social circle,

But what happens once you get there, if you are hit with an

she had no local network of family and friends to spend time

aimlessness, instead of a well-earned sense of relief?

with.

Sue Coulston retired to Echuca five years ago, with her

And Ian still worked, leaving her on her own for much of

husband Ian, after a long career as a bank teller in Melbourne.

the day.

“I always came up here when I was a kid,” she said.

“All of a sudden what you wake up for is not there anymore,”

SHE (DAUGHTER MELISSA) COULD SEE I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO A REAL HUM-DRUM LIFESTYLE AND WAS ON MY BACK FOR ABOUT THREE YEARS TRYING TO GET ME TO DO SOMETHING 21

Seeing her mother in a rut, her daughter Melissa introduced her to the Murray River Tea Rooms in Moama, a social enterprise combining a cafe and op shop. “She could see I was getting myself into a real hum-drum lifestyle and was on my back for about three years trying to get me to do something.” A cog in the CLRS machine, the tea rooms sell donated food to help support their respite services. After prevaricating long enough Sue took the next step and turned up to help. And had an epiphany; this was where she belonged and, best of all, this was where helping others was helping her. Sue said her life restarted the day she found CLRS — and no, she wasn’t joking. Looking back to her previous stints as a bank teller and counting cash for Armaguard, she said she doesn’t know how she got through it. “Working in the bank was all I really knew,” she said. “And it was such a relief when I walked in the door to hand in my resignation. “I wanted to do something where I could give back to somebody and meet people and do something I enjoy. “I found it, I love it. I absolutely love it.” Sue is now a volunteering jack of all trades. She works at the tea rooms and the Op Shop in Echuca two times a week as well as the Echuca-Moama parkrun on Saturdays. And she’s always the first person to put her hand up to cover a shift. Now when she walks down the street people recognise her and don’t hesitate to say hello. She said that’s just Echuca — a town that pays attention to those who do good.

understand people with disabilities. “When I retired, I knew I wanted to do something to help out and this is what I wanted to do.” Sue said she thrived in an environment where everyone showed up for work happy and on the same page. “The clients are the same people, the staff are the same, the volunteers are the same. “Everyone wants to be here.” But as often happens, life hits you with a cheap shot when you least expect it. On Good Friday last year, Sue’s husband Ian suffered a stroke during hip replacement surgery. While in intensive care, he collapsed when a blood clot went to his brain, which was thankfully removed when he was rushed to Monash hospital. “He’s gone from a 60-year-old to an 85-year-old,” Sue said. “He’s weak in his left arm and his leg, but he can still walk. “It’s a daily struggle but we get there.” Ian had to spend two months in rehab at Clayton, with Sue visiting him every day. Sue said she was not ashamed to admit it was a dark time for her, with the stress of Ian’s stroke and his demanding need for care causing her to have a breakdown. “If I’d say I’ll be there at ten o’clock in the morning and I wasn’t there at ten he would ring me asking where I was,” she said. “So, it got to the stage where my whole day was tending to him.” Once Ian regained some of his strength and was back in Echuca, Sue was able to get back into her volunteering work. Ian even comes along and helps out on Mondays. “He’s a little bit slower than everyone else but the girls are really good with him,” Sue said. “They give him just as much cheek as he gives them.” Since Ian’s stroke, Sue’s work at CLRS has assumed an even more important role in her life.

“People want to be in a community where you help each other,” “This is my outlet. I need a few hours away. I need to be able to she said. do my own thing.” “I come from a city where when you do something, you aren’t Sue said in the past she often hesitated to find time for herself, appreciated for it. but she’s since moved past such trepidation and now attacks “Here I feel appreciated. And I’m a person, not a number.” the best and the worst in her life with the same positive enthusiasm. Sue said Echuca’s support of the disabled community was nothing like she ever experienced in Melbourne.

And it shows, those closest to her say she’s a “completely different” person to Sue circa 2016.

“I was aware of it, but I wasn’t aware of it. When you went to the shop and there was someone there with a disability, people just looked through them.

“My daughter will tell you that too. I’m more outgoing, I’m happier, and I’m doing something I love.

“People who don’t work with people with disabilities, don’t

“And if I didn’t love it, I would be finding something I did.” 

EchucaMoama

she said. “I wasn’t going out during the day, I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t know what I wanted to do.”

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23 EchucaMoama

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JUST TO BE INCLUDED

People who find service as their true calling seem to inherit fulfillment as a legacy. JARED PRESTWIDGE was squeezed into the hectic schedule at Vivid Living to talk to its team leader — and everyone else who disrupted the conversation with endless phone calls and a seemingly endless queue at the office door. >>

EchucaMoama

Tanya feels blessed

ECHUCA IS SO GOOD AT BEING INCLUSIVE. IN MELBOURNE I DIDN’T SEE ANYONE WITH A DISABILITY IN OUR SHOPPING CENTRE, BUT HERE IT’S JUST A NORMAL WAY OF LIFE. IT’S ALSO NOT SEEN AS BEING INCLUSIVE, IT’S JUST THE NORM OF WHAT WE DO >> 26 EchucaMoama

SOME people spend their lives searching endlessly for their true calling. That certain something that seems to make everything else fall into place. Tanya Stewart-Ross found hers at a point in her life when she needed it most. She’s someone who took a chance and now can’t fathom how her life would have turned out if she hadn’t. Tanya is team leader at Vivid Living, High St South, in Echuca. But it’s more than just a job title; it’s an all-encompassing lifestyle — and one in which she is essential to the system. Try sitting down with her and see how far that gets you. At best you share her with a seemingly endless queue all wanting, needing, a slice of her time and attention. She almost didn’t need to tell her story, the six phone calls and revolving door on her office (through which came at least a dozen people at an average of every two or three minutes) spelt it out loud and clear. She’s pulled and pushed in all directions by different departments and individuals, that’s de rigueur. Whenever something is lost, or there is a dispute involving a client, it’s Tanya who sorts it out. There’s even a giant window at her desk, with a view of the courtyard, she uses to keep an eye on things. Or to give someone a friendly wave if she hasn’t had the chance to greet them yet. She gives off an assured confidence and ‘no-fuss’ demeanor, no doubt the result of a decade of doing. But it wasn’t always that way.

It was then she completed her certificate IV in disability and joined Vivid as a support worker. “Once I started studying that’s when I went ‘this is me, this is what I want’. “I would never think about doing anything else.” Despite going to her dream job every morning, Tanya is just as adamant about not taking it home with her at the end of the day. She’s too busy going on trips with her wife, Cherie, and her two sons, 20 and 17, still live at home.

In the south-eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Tanya was working in the gaming section at bars and pubs.

And she said regardless of her client confidentiality

The disabled community wasn’t on her radar, let alone working in disability care.

can understand.

It wasn’t until she moved to Echuca that everything changed. “Echuca is so good at being inclusive,” she said. “In Melbourne I didn’t see anyone with a disability in our shopping centre, but here it’s just a normal way of life.” “It’s also not seen as being inclusive, it’s just the norm of what we do.”

restrictions, disability care was something not just anyone “I love my job, but I can switch back to home mode just as easily as I walk in the door in the morning,” she said. “You have to be able to separate your issues. “So, no matter what’s going on at home, I can get here at whatever time I start, and do my job.” But it’s not so easy for some of those without Tanya’s experience, so the Vivid team try to support each other

Eventually the grind of working into the early hours that are the haunt of the gambling industry just wasn’t working for her and her two young children.

“I think we have a really good group and those who need to

She couldn’t pick them up from school and had to rely on others to help out on a daily basis.

“We always tell people it’s better to get it off your chest before

So she got out of her comfort zone by volunteering for the Echuca Special Olympics. “The lightbulb moment was when I learnt I could be part of a change,” she said.

through the hard times. unload know they can,” she said. you go, otherwise you think about it and it keeps replaying. “It is good just to have that five minutes at the end of the day.” But that’s not to say her home life doesn’t help her career in other ways.

“We’ve got some very young staff who are fantastic, but you need to have that life experience.” Tanya’s approach to disability care is giving her clients as much independence as possible. After all, Vivid only takes in people 18 years and older, and they naturally want to be treated as such. “We have to be careful that we’re not bringing a parenting style, but we’re bringing them to a level of independence,” Tanya said. Her care centre is a place to learn new skills to help get the most out of life, not an address where people step into a world of segregation. Tanya said client independence has grown in leaps and bounds since she started, and the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) is a big contributor to that. “Now with NDIS coming in, there’re more service providers to choose from,” she said. “It gives the clients choice and control over what they do.

In the mud or on the road

“It’s all individual.” In Tanya’s opinion, disability care is in the strongest position it’s ever enjoyed — but still has more space to grow. “More people should think of disability care as a job opportunity,” she said. “I don’t know if we have many younger people saying ‘that’s what I want to do’ but there’s the opportunity to study, there’s so much there. “It’d be really cool to have people seeing it as a job opportunity, not something that just appears.” Today Tanya looks back on her time working nights in bars as simply a stepping stone that led her to where she is today. And despite those 10 long years at the coalface Tanya struggles to find any serious low points, waving her arm in the direction of all the noise outside her office — the laughter and chatter bouncing off the walls in every direction. “It’s not the big things, really, it’s just seeing everyone together. It’s the relationships you build with the people you see every day,” she said. “I know I sound really corny but believe me, it’s just the best thing ever.” 

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she said.

“I don’t think I could have done this job before I had my kids,”

28 EchucaMoama

In the name of the Father, the Son AND THE HOLY SPIRIT

Faith has sustained Sister Cecilia Merrigan for almost 60 of her 75 years; but it has not been able to sustain the Brigidine order she serves as a Catholic nun in Echuca-Moama. She is one of just three nuns still here and told IVY JENSEN about the work the Brigidines have done and the changes she has lived through — and led. SISTER Cecilia Merrigan has made it her life’s mission to help others. For almost 60 years, the Brigidine nun has selflessly committed to vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to serve the church and the less fortunate. A decision that demanded a significant quid pro quo — including no chance of ever having children, or a partner and submitting to the rules and protocols of her order. So she could teach the next generation, selflessly care for the poor and less fortunate and lobby for justice. And while there were occasional fleeting thoughts of ‘what if’, the 75-year-old believes she made the right decision. With belief being a cornerstone of her faith, sustaining her through the years. “I don’t have regrets, no,” she said.

decision. “I think you go where your heart is, but it’s hard to describe where hearts are.” When it comes to hearts, Sr Cecilia has a bigger one than most — helping countless asylum seekers, refugees and women trafficked into Australia for prostitution through her work with various charities and projects. As a child, Sr Cecilia grew up on a farm at Undera and attended a local state school before she was sent to St Joseph’s in Echuca in 1955 as a boarder. “I don’t think I was happy about leaving home and we didn’t get to go home very often and there were three terms then, so you’d have 12–13 weeks away from home,” she said. “But at the same time, you form a family. There were about 40 of us boarding at the time so I got close to those kids. “And the Brigidine women looked after us, day and night. They

Sr Cecilia is one of just three Brigidine nuns left in Echuca, and among only 70 remaining across Victoria.

were really great women. You hear all these horror stories

“Being a Brigidine is a commitment to living your life with a community of women who want to make a difference in the world, especially around the area of justice,” she said.

among them — but there were quite a few young ones and

“Early in my Brigidine life actively engaging in justice issues wasn’t as clearly articulated as it has become over the years, but we always had a sense that we were there for people who might be struggling a bit.

Sisters order after being inspired by those women.

“It’s about being a Jesus person to the best of your ability. Now everybody’s called to do that if you’re a Christian follower, but this asked a bit more of us. “We were going to give our whole lives to concentrating on doing that and give up having a family and having a partner. Which at 18 wasn’t a big deal, but as the years went by and you watched your family getting married and having kids, every now and again I’d think ‘do I really want to keep doing what I’m doing?’ and I guess by then I was so engrossed and engaged with what we were on about that it wasn’t a tough

about dreadful nuns — and there were some pretty strict ones they were very human. We had a good life.” Sr Cecilia entered the novitiate in 1961 to join the Brigidine “I always wanted to be a teacher and one of the sisters talked to me and asked me ‘what would you think about being a Brigidine, and at that age you’re full of idealism,” she said. “It was an era where there was a lot of fear about Communism and stuff in the Catholic mindset, that was quite frightening in a way. So, you had to be ready to stand up for your faith and do what you believed in.” It was a decision that shocked her parents. “My father said I was way too young, so he said go back to school and do Year 12, which didn’t change the climate, but it at least gave me another year,” she said. “At that stage you make decisions and, as life goes on, you

29 EchucaMoama

grow into them and recommit over and over.”

15 and 16.”

She spent the next three years training in Melbourne as a novitiate, with another 40 young women.

Until the 1970s, the nuns wore a heavy habit which was uncomfortable for teaching in classrooms with no airconditioning.

Entering as an 18-year-old straight after completing year 12 as most other women who entered the order did, Sr Cecilia was soon teaching at the school where she herself was a student only a few years before. “It was quite lovely in a way because we’d had boarders right down to five-year-olds, so I was back teaching the kids I’d boarded with, and alongside the Sisters who’d taught me,” she said. “I was teaching pupils who I went to school with who were only a few years younger than me. I was 21 and they were

“We had yard duty and sport in 40°C heat and the habit was impractical, but it was part of life,’’ Sr Cecilia said. After three years in Echuca, Sr Cecilia went to university to study a four-year science-education course before teaching across Victoria, including Wangaratta, Beechworth, Springvale and Malvern. “I closed our school in Malvern, which was a pretty heartbreaking thing to do over a three-year span, because the number of students had dropped off in that area,” she said. >>

I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE AN INABILITY TO TRUST THE PEOPLE COMING INTO OUR COUNTRY. THEY ARE JUST ORDINARY HUMAN BEINGS WHO ARE DESPERATELY, NOT WILLINGLY, SEEKING A NEW LIFE >> 30 EchucaMoama

Life was going merrily along, until 1995, when Sr Cecilia was elected an international leader at a conference in Dublin. “It was a total shock, so for the next six years I spent time going around, and we had about 400 women then, all over Australia, Ireland, England, Wales, Mexico, Papua New Guinea, Kenya and visited all of them and got to know them all and got a sense of who we were as a total group,” she said. “There were four of us on that leadership team and our job was to capture the spirit of who we were, and to set directions for the future and work with people implementing the decisions made at our conference. “It was a lovely time, but occasionally also a lonely time because I often travelled on my own. But it was a privileged time. You often heard the stories of other people’s lives and what had influenced them most profoundly over the years.” In Mexico she spent time at a Caritas Centre offering cancer treatment, where the conditions were an eye-opener. People lived at the centre, where there were bunks for 20 men and 20 women and doctors and dentists working pro bono to help the underprivileged. “I saw the total diversity of the work we were doing,” she said.

“It was about that time a lot of our congregations, who’d previously been focused on running hospitals and schools, and our women, were ageing a bit and we were not getting the same number of younger people coming through.” It was then, about 20 years ago, the Brigidines changed their focus to refugees and asylum seekers, human trafficking and caring for the Earth. Sr Cecilia helped set up an inter-congregational group, with seven different religions across Victoria, which established a project called Earth Song. “There was a consciousness that unless we changed our ways and lived more sustainably, we would wreak havoc on this planet and ourselves,” she said. “The project was to primarily educate ourselves as educators about the state of the planet and go out and work with people we had connections with.” During that time, Sr Cecilia also became involved in the Heart and Hope Brigidine Asylum Seekers Project. “In Australia, there was always something changing about how we were treating asylum seekers,” she said. “They were a political hot potato most of the time. >>

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$ yeafrosr

(

you more!

As a country, I think we lost our heart for welcoming a stranger.

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“After the Beijing uprising, we brought lots of young Chinese dissidents into the country, the Vietnam War saw a lot of Vietnamese come by boat, and we accepted them. “But all of a sudden, something changed. “Partly it was political leadership, I think Bob Hawke and Malcolm Fraser, some of those leaders, didn’t create a climate of fear. “Then there was an incident with the Tampa boatload of people who were coming. John Howard said they were throwing their children overboard and it was never true, but it went into people’s sub-conscience and because they were Muslim, they were outsiders. “I don’t know what has happened to us but there seems to be an inability to trust the people coming into our country.” Sr Cecilia said she had learnt so much from years of working with refugees. “They are just ordinary human beings who are desperately, not willingly, seeking a new life,” she said. “Most of them would go back to their country tomorrow if they could. Nobody really wants to be plonked down in a foreign country without language, without understanding of the way society works. It is not normal, but at the moment we have created so many places across the globe where people cannot stay where they are. “The detention centres in Australia have degenerated really into prisons. It’s become more and more punitive and I find that really sad that people who are so desperate can now be punished for trying to come and get freedom.” The Brigidine’s project helped house 160 refugees and provide food where needed. “We decided we would pledge, as Brigidines, to give $1 a day and there were 170 of us across Victoria at that stage and that funded the project initially,” she said. “Mostly it’s been people volunteering, fundraisers, donations and giving food so it’s a real grassroots support network.” That project, as well as ACRATH (Australian Catholic Religious Against Trafficking in Humans) were some of the Brigidine’s biggest achievements, Sr Cecilia said. “When women were trafficked into Australia for prostitution, once they were raided by the Federal Police they were then sent back to their country, and that meant they were persona non grata, so now having worked with Federal Police and government policy, they’re handed over and helped and supported by various groups and they’re able to stay here and start a new life,” she said. “It was often their own country people who would bring them out here, promising them the world, like they’re going to work with a wealthy family as a governess and as soon as they’re here, their passports are taken and they’re helpless really. And they don’t know who to go to.”

After her six years with the leadership program, Sr Cecilia moved to Echuca in 2002. She was one of eight Brigidines here at that stage. “Some of them were elderly so they needed a great deal of care, so I became the community care co‑ordinator. My father died at the end of that year and my mother died later so I spent a bit of time living with my mother and caring for her and caring for the women here,” she said. But she still had plenty of time to get involved in the local community; becoming a member of the Echuca-Moama Rural Australians for Refugees’ group, horticultural society and working with the parish, diocese and adult faith in various fields. Faith. The dictionary defines it as a strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof. And with the Catholic Church being in the headlines in recent years for all the wrong reasons, it has seen many parishioners leave the church and question their faith. And justifiably so, according to Sr Cecilia. “If your child was traumatised so badly by experiences with paedophile priests, you’d easily say I just can’t keep belonging to this organisation,” she said. “But the thing is, the organisation is not about the priests or the bishops. It’s about a Jesus person who we claim to follow and can still follow without any priests or bishops.” For Sr Cecilia, faith gives her life a sense of deep meaning. “I find it hard to imagine we are here just for a fleeting moment and don’t have any continuity,” she said. “I probably have a different version of what, and who, God is from many people but I do think there is a spirit, a divine energy in all of creation that sustains us, nurtures us and Jesus came in some way to live out what that is in a human form and say to us, there is more to life than the day to dayness of it. “There is a deep inner world that will go on forever.” 

33 EchucaMoama

FROM THE TROPICAL DEPTHS OF

NORTHERN VIETNAM Hue Hoang had a hard road to hoe, from the familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s small village farm to Australian restaurateur in downtown Echuca-Moama. ALEX GRETGRIX talks turkey with this one-woman tornado. >>

>> IN VIETNAMESE, the word ‘sen’ translates to lotus, that exquisitely beautiful pink and white flower grown mostly in Asia. 34 EchucaMoama

Regarded as the country’s national flower, the lotus grow from muddy ponds but their seeds grow toward the direction of the sunlight, representing the purity of spirit. And for Hue Hoang, this really reflects her life story. Behind the woman who works hard in her restaurant and small street food and juice bar is someone with a story not many would know. Growing up in a small village in northern Vietnam, Hue knew the look of hardship all too well. “Both my parents were farmers and I grew up on the farm with my two younger brothers,” Hue said. “When I was about 11 or 12, my dad became very sick and it was difficult for him to help out around the farm.” The family had to make a number of hard decisions, including having to sell a number of their possessions to pay for her father’s medical expenses. But Hue had decisions of her own to make. “As the eldest child and eldest daughter, you sort of bring it upon yourself to help out in terms of making money to help the family,” she said. “At the age of 13, I decided I would leave school in order to go out and make money to send back to my mother.” This decision caused waves in her community, sparking a visit from her friends and even her teacher. “They all came to my house and begged me not to leave school,” she said. “My teacher told my parents I had so much potential and it would be a shame for me to give up now, but I had to do what was right for my family.” Hue had a cousin living in Hanoi at the time and this is where she would start her first job. “I started off washing dishes in a street stall and I was able to earn about 300,000 dong, which converts to about $A20 a month,” she said. “My next job taught me it was possible to earn a lot of money, but some days you would earn nothing and that was hard.” And that job was where her luck changed as she stood on the streets, selling souvenirs and postcards to tourists. “I walked up to a woman one day and just did what I would usually do, I tried selling my products to her and she declined.” Little did Hue know, the lady she had approached was Tracey Lista, a woman who would play a huge part in changing her life. “I didn’t think much of it at the time and it wasn’t until she came and found me the next day with a man named Jimmy Pham I knew something was happening.” Jimmy was the founder of an organisation called KOTO, a group that provides education and helps young Vietnamese people from poor backgrounds find work in the

hospitality industry. “KOTO stands for ‘Know One, Teach One’ and that’s exactly what they did for me, but even as Tracey and Jimmy asked me to go with them, I was hesitant,” she said. “Child trafficking was a big problem in Vietnam at the time and you can never be too careful, but I was lucky this wasn’t the case. “I met with Jimmy and Tracey for tea and they told me all KOTO had to offer.” Hue would join the first class of students to go through the organisation where she would learn the skills she uses today. “For just over a year, I learnt skills so I could work front of house, making coffee, serving meals and it really was an amazing experience.” In 2002, Hue graduated from KOTO and was ready to take on the world. She spent a few years working in restaurants in Vietnam before deciding to make the move to Australia to pursue her real passion. “Apart from my passion for working for not-for-profit organisations, I knew I wanted to study. I had lost the opportunity when I was younger so there was always a desire to go back,” she said. Hue completed her advanced diploma in hospitality management at the Box Hill Institute, thanks to her contribution to KOTO, before taking her education further. “After completing that degree, I wanted to give back to the organisation that gave me so many opportunities. So that’s why I moved back to Vietnam and took up a role as one of KOTO’s operation managers,” she said. “I managed their restaurant and their staff as well as developed the curriculum for future students.” After a few years, life in Australia came calling again. “In 2013, I put in my application to La Trobe University in Bundoora and was offered a scholarship for a Bachelor of Business.” But this process didn’t go quite to plan. “After some time during my course, the government pulled funding for a lot of courses across a lot of universities and unfortunately my international scholarship was affected.” She was eventually able to complete her degree and after spending a big part of her life in the city, she knew it was time for a change. “Coming to Echuca-Moama was sort of a random choice actually. I knew I wanted to move away from the city and when a job came up I knew I had to take it.” After spending a few years working in various businesses around the twin towns, Hue saw a gap in the food market. “There wasn’t a Vietnamese restaurant in either town and I knew it was something I wanted to bring to the table.” And thus, in 2017, Sen on Madison was born. “Echuca-Moama is so diverse these days, there’s Thai, Indian,

35 EchucaMoama

CHILD TRAFFICKING WAS A BIG PROBLEM IN VIETNAM AT THE TIME AND YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL, BUT I WAS LUCKY THIS WASN’T ONE OF THEM

Chinese. And I thought Vietnamese would help diversify the towns even further,” she said. “Since opening the restaurant, we’ve always wanted to give back to society. That’s why, in winter, we supply the Community Living and Respite Tea Rooms with soup and rice paper rolls, it’s something that’s important to us.” Hue has discovered working in this industry and running her own business has its own set of challenges. “I guess the difference between working in Vietnam and Australia brings with it three challenges I can identify,” she said. “The first is you have to hire the right people. Especially for selling Vietnamese food in a small town, you don’t have a lot of international workers or people don’t have much knowledge about your particular cuisine so in order to hire someone you need to train them from scratch and that’s very difficult. “The second is the ingredients. Finding the right ingredients for the menu is extremely hard. We make a trip to Melbourne or sometimes Bendigo to buy goods and we do this once a week if it’s busy or once every two weeks if we’re able. “And the third is all the regulations that come with having your own restaurant. It’s so different to Vietnam and it

gets to a point where you think you’re up-to-date and then something else comes up you have to keep an eye on and that’s been hard. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. It’s something I love and I’m passionate about so it’s definitely worth working through the challenges.” Opening Sen Express in the Port of Echuca has given her an outlet to sell traditional Vietnamese street food to the locals. And the journey goes on for Hue, with plans for her next chapter slowly being set in motion. “I’ve had a few meetings with my business partners and we’re currently looking at other regions around the state to move into,” she said. “I love the Echuca-Moama area, it feels a lot like home, but we need to expand into somewhere new.” KOTO will always be in Hue’s heart, even if she isn’t working as closely with them anymore. “I will always help KOTO wherever I can and that’s why I’m holding a fundraiser for them here in Echuca at my restaurant on December 9,” she said. “KOTO has changed my life and it’s only fair I give back to them. Like their name implies, know one, teach one, I want to help make a difference in someone’s life like they did for me. 

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37 EchucaMoama

THE BLOKE’S BLOKE

WAS JUST A FRAGILE FACADE

Ryan Grace is in the business of saving lives, working from the head down. But as he told CHARMAYNE ALLISON, first he had to learn how to save himself. EIGHT years ago, Kyabram’s Ryan Grace was just your average, fun-loving bloke-next-door — the type who’d party until dawn, literally drinking every drop life had to offer and then some, and making sure everyone else was swept along for the ride. Eight years ago, Ryan was also mere seconds away from ending his life. You wouldn’t know it. He’d make sure you didn’t. But as soon as sunrise hit and he returned to his apartment after a night on the town, the mask would fall, exhaustion

emotions guy and I felt I couldn’t talk about it. So I just suppressed it as most blokes do,” he reflected. “I was always really hard on myself so anytime anything went wrong I’d be hit extra hard. “A failed relationship? I wasn’t worth being loved. A failed job? I wasn’t worth being hired. A failed life? It wasn’t worth living.” Finally, after three years of pent-up pain, the dam wall burst and Ryan was going under. Battered by a brutal trifecta: losing his job, his apartment, then all his savings.

And he’d burst into tears.

And, the nail in the coffin, he was forced to move back home with his estranged parents, he had gone into the world and failed, and was retreating to the womb of his childhood.

Finally succumbing to the accusations swirling in his head:

Where, one night when he was home alone, he exploded.

washing over him.

he was useless, a failure, 24 years old and not half the man he dreamed he’d be. “The entire time I was partying I was faking it. I wasn’t an

“I was in a rage. I screamed and started punching holes in the walls and kicking doors down,” he said. “I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t fake a smile. I was

THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS PARTYING I WAS FAKING IT. I WASN’T AN EMOTIONS GUY AND I FELT I COULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT. SO I JUST SUPPRESSED IT AS MOST BLOKES DO. I WAS ALWAYS REALLY HARD ON MYSELF SO ANYTIME ANYTHING WENT WRONG I’D BE HIT EXTRA HARD

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>> exhausted and sick and tired of feeling failure, shame, doubt and low self-esteem. “The only way I could see to escape that was suicide.” Although Ryan had grown up in a Christian family, he’d never believed in “that stuff”. “But I said ‘God if you’re real, then you’ve got to do something. Because I’ve done everything I can do without you and this is where I’ve ended up’,” he said. In the middle of his attempt, Ryan had a sudden change of mindset and realised he didn’t want to be another tragic suicide statistic.

you can’t forgive people’. “And he said, ‘if you don’t stop, you might try committing suicide again and next time I might not show up’.” In that moment, Ryan jumped from his bar stool and ran from the room. Arriving home, he began to pray. “I wasn’t sure if there was a right way or a wrong way to do it, so I just said a few simple words and told God I was really scared I’d commit suicide again,” Ryan said. “Because those same feelings were there and weren’t going away.”

“All I could hear in my head was, ‘stop stop, stop’,” he said.

Ryan pinpoints that as the moment he truly started to heal.

“So I ripped the cord off my neck and crashed to the floor.”

It was also the beginning of his newfound Christian faith and he moved to Sydney and began attending a church and studying at a bible college.

Suddenly realising what he’d almost done, how close he’d come to death, Ryan retreated further into the womb for safety, curled in the foetal position and crying like a newborn. “It was a different cry to just being sad,” he said. “I was wailing because I was connecting to a far deeper pain.” While Ryan’s battle with depression was far from over, that night was his first turning point and he knew his life needed to change. He started to make small, simple changes to his lifestyle, altering his diet, attending a gym, even changing the music he listened to. He also saw a counsellor — but, still unwilling to open up, gave them fake answers to move them along. “I still didn’t realise the power of talking about emotions,” he said. A year after his suicide attempt, Ryan moved to Junee in NSW to start a new job, but slowly slipped back into the same pattern as before. He was at a work party one night when he reached his second breaking point. “I was talking to this man and he was like, ‘this is why you came to Junee, to party, because this is what we do’,” he said. “And I was just looking at him and in that moment God spoke to me and said ‘Ryan, if you don’t stop making these choices that’s going to be you in 20 years. You’ll be the lonely, angry old man who sits in the pub and drinks by himself, because

“But just because I found God doesn’t mean my life just started working out,” he admitted. “I still had that feeling I didn’t belong there and wasn’t worth it. I still had so much failure and shame and low self-worth. “But I slowly discovered God’s not about perfect beings who live perfect lives in a perfect world. He wants people just as they are. “So I just started being honest with him and found him to be a very relational God.” It was during this time Ryan realised he needed to do the one thing he’d staunchly avoided for years, but which haunted him every day — forgive his parents. When he was 16, he had discovered his dad wasn’t his biological father. “That played into everything in my life,” he said. “I felt like I was a failure because I didn’t know who he was. I thought the reason I didn’t have a biological father was because I wasn’t worth being loved. “And really, you break that down, everyone is looking for love. Everyone is looking to belong. Because the two biggest desires of the human heart are someone to love and someone to love you back.” After battling with it for days, he finally made the call to his parents.

offered him a job.

But it was another big step in his long road towards healing.

Eighteen months on, Ryan has settled in as the counsellor at

“Because it came back. My depression came back. My anger came back. My insecurities came back. All that stuff can come back, I have to keep working at it.” By the time Ryan turned 31, he realised he wanted to make a career talking about feelings. A far cry from the young bloke who never opened up. “I realised I wanted to help men with mental health issues, so I decided to study counselling, specialising in alcohol and drug addiction and mental health,” he said. Soon after he was contacted out of the blue by the chief executive of Teen Challenge, a 25-bed men’s alcohol and drug live-in rehab based in Kyabram. A friend of his dad’s, the chief executive, had seen a post about Ryan’s mental health journey on Facebook and

Teen Challenge. “I always ask the guys, ‘what do you believe your purpose is in life’?” he said. “My main goal is to show them their past does not have to determine their future.” Reflecting on his 32 years, Ryan urges other men struggling with mental health to speak up. “People don’t follow titles. They follow courage,” he said. “That’s why in war movies when there’s a massive fight and the other army’s closing in and one guy decides to grab a gun and run out, they all start charging. “He’s not a sergeant or a general or someone with a flashy title. “What he does have is courage. And it’s infectious. “It’s the same when men speak up about mental health. It doesn’t matter who you are. Other men will follow.” 

If you or someone you know needs help now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. If it becomes a crisis go immediately to the nearest hospital or phone 000.

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“I realised I needed to keep forgiving them, I had to continually work at it,” he said.

Once again, he admits it wasn’t an instant fix.

40 EchucaMoama

TRAPPED IN A

MAN-MADE DISASTER

CHARMAYNE ALLISON talks to just one farmer of the many surrounding the twin towns, knowing his story is being repeated from farm to farm, family to family and there doesn’t seem to be any sign of change on the horizon — let alone rain. THERE are decades of hardship reflected in the eyes of Bamawm farmer Stephen Hawken, cut deep into the lines that scar his face. It’s an all-too-familiar weariness, that air of defeat shared by countless farming men and women across the region and the country. Each facing another day without rain, another month without money and another year buckling under the weight of ever-soaring water prices. Farmers who, despite working dawn to dusk, seven days a week with no rain, no hail and too much shine — still come up empty-handed, season after season. The only growth an ever-growing sense of hopelessness and a mental health epidemic devouring the countryside. It is a war, and farmers are the frontline. A war that has dragged on longer than any Australian military conflict. And a war that is killing people. Stephen knows he’s one of the ‘lucky ones’ — with an irrigation bore on the property, his farm is slightly more secure. But that hasn’t left him completely unscathed.

Especially not emotionally. A deeply empathetic person, witnessing the suffering of farmers around him has hit Stephen’s mental health hard, to the point he knew he had to seek help. Or become the next casualty. While he didn’t reach boiling point until Christmas last year, Stephen believed he’d been in the deep cooker for almost 14 years. “It was all set in motion when I had a nasty divorce,” he said. “Then we got flooded in 2011. The damage was complete — we lost pretty well everything. “But just watching the suffering of people I knew was bloody terrible. I actually suffered more from that than I did my own loss. “But I got through that — well, I thought I had. I felt okay, given the circumstances.” A sixth-generation farmer, a love of the land has been in Stephen’s blood from day one. The Hawkens were the first people to flood irrigate out of the Kow Swamp, establishing themselves as innovators in the farming world since they settled in the region more than 100 years ago. >>

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JUST WATCHING THE SUFFERING OF PEOPLE I KNEW WAS BLOODY TERRIBLE. I ACTUALLY SUFFERED MORE FROM THAT THAN I DID MY OWN LOSS. BUT I GOT THROUGH THAT — WELL, I THOUGHT I HAD >> 42 EchucaMoama

As for Stephen, he has been farming since he could walk and always found the idea of one day owning his own patch of land irresistible. “I wanted to be my own boss. And I knew the harder I worked and smarter I worked, the more I got paid,” he said. “For the first 20 years of my life that worked really well, I was going places. I bought my own farm in the middle of the worst drought. That was easy.” Thanks to irrigation systems installed by his forefathers, Stephen said drought should never have been an issue — more of a speed bump than a train wreck. “But due to the terrible mismanagement by our governments, we as an irrigation region can’t even afford the water to put out on the pasture anyway,” he said. “We’ve just had to watch helplessly as governments fritter away everything that makes Australia the lucky country.” While Stephen’s farm (which he runs with now wife Cheryl) remains afloat, he’s witnessed a mass exodus of neighbours and friends — many of them next generation — from the industry. Others have stayed on, generational farmers who poured

their entire future, superannuation and blood, sweat and tears — and souls — into the land. “So many of them are battling hopelessness. Because it doesn’t matter how hard they work today, it doesn’t matter how good the cows milk — there’s no way known they can make this work,” he said. “It’s this feeling of being at the bottom of a well and you can’t climb up and the harder you try, the deeper the hole is getting on you. “My hometown has been decimated by a man-made drought. “Watching family and friends suffer, you can see it in their eyes, you can hear it in their voice. That’s probably what makes me suffer the most as a person.” Stephen reached rock bottom last Christmas when he was suddenly estranged from his two middle children. “My divorce 14 years ago was just shocking, and it follows me to this day because since then, I’ve been fighting for my children,” he said. “For any father, estrangement is a terribly hard thing to cope with but that was probably the final straw for me as far as keeping things together.

“It almost felt like an admission of weakness. And it’s not, I don’t think this is a weak thing, I don’t think people who suffer from depression are weak at all.

“That’s when I realised something’s not right here. Because I’ve never been like that. I’ve always been a fighter.”

“My wife had to be told eventually, but I had to strike that first blow with somebody else. And if that’s what you gotta do, then that’s what you gotta do.”

Two months ago he reached out to a close friend working for Rural Aid, who gave him a number to call. “I remember talking to a guy a long time ago who tried to take his own life and he said, ‘I could hear it, I could see it, I could feel it — I didn’t want to do it, but I wasn’t in the driver’s seat’,” he said. “I kept reflecting on those words and that’s why I made the call.” Stephen said it felt easier talking to a stranger about his struggles — as opposed to Cheryl, whom he initially kept in the dark. “The one thing I couldn’t do was talk to my own wife,” Stephen said, tears welling in his eyes.

Months down the track, Stephen is learning to care for his mental health, and he’s keeping an eye on farmers around him, watching for any warning signs. “I now make a point of running into people when I hear they’re having a tough time, so we can have a chat,” he said. “Thankfully we’re networking now where we’ve never networked before. That’s one positive to come out of this.” And he’s encouraging others to speak up if they’re struggling. “Reaching out for help is a sign of strength,” Stephen said. “It shows you’re making a decision that you don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to suffer, I don’t deserve to suffer. “I’m a father, I’m a grandfather, I’m a husband, I’m a son, I’m a farmer — I’m all these things. And I’m good at them. I have a lot to offer.” 

If you or someone you know needs help now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. If it becomes a crisis go immediately to the nearest hospital or phone 000.

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His mental health spiralling out of control, Stephen knew he needed help.

“I couldn’t give a shit what happened, I was on autopilot. That’s when Cheryl, without even realising she was doing it, was basically running the farm.

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He wasn’t a macho man but he was a bloke. And that meant you kept problems to yourself. But for Paul Harrison the final straw would come from selfless service to the community. CHARMAYNE ALLISON reports. >>

at a leisurely pace, skim news headlines online, or access the latest stories on your smartphone, we’re committed to connecting you to what is most important to you. Get the full story in print Have the newspaper home delivered, to start each day more informed and connected to your local community. We pride ourselves on bringing you the most up-to-date stories about people in your area, shining a spotlight on important events that impact you daily. Everything from discussing current events, to celebrating sporting triumphs so you can cheer alongside your favourite team, or investigating developments in the local community are just a few of the ways that we keep you connected, daily. Read the news on any screen LIMITED Get exclusive access to local news on your deskTIME top or smartphone, and never miss out on imOFFER portant stories as they break. We bring together stories from across the Goulburn Valley and beyond – including important national news – and combine this with related analysis and engaging video to make your experience online better. Join in the discussion via social media, share your favourite articles with friends and family, and be more connected. The digital scoop By downloading the app, you can read the daily newspaper online, or on your smartphone or tablet device. The digital version of the newspaper looks and feels like an actual newspaper – but lets you dig deeper into stories, and uncover week more information that matters per to you. The app is available exclusively to subscribers, andweeks means for 12 you will never miss a story again – wherever you are! Normally $4.50pw Take a trip down memory lane Ever wanted to find a copy of the newspaper from an important date in your past, or perhaps a story about a friend of yours that was published in the paper? Members have exclusive access to our archive, which lets you travel back through up to 10 years of the daily newspapers. Find what you are looking for today. With membership comes great reward News subscribers have instant access to Member Rewards – connecting you to thousands of discounts and lifestyle offers from hundreds of brands, for savings on everything from your weekly grocery shopping, to travel and accommodation discounts, to gifts and exclusive experiences. With Member Rewards, you are truly rewarded. Our commitment to you When we make errors, we correct them

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ENDED IN JUST ONE MOMENT

A LIFETIME OF TOO MUCH

Tuesday 5th November 2019 46

Melbourne

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CUP DAY @ Echuca Racing Club

UMBRELLA PACKAGES*

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>> AFTER seven years in the navy, 18 years in prisons and attending more than 30 crash scenes with the CFA, you’d think you’d seen it all. Kotta’s Paul Harrison certainly thought he had. From witnessing the aftermath of deaths in custody to pulling lifeless bodies from smashed cars, he’d dealt with his fair share of death and destruction, emerging unscathed. Or so he thought. All of that, none of that, could prepare him for the moment he found a little girl’s body lying limp in the grass, 30 m from where her intoxicated parents had smashed their car into another moving vehicle. That little girl, whose innocent face he can still see as clear as day. Every day. Seared in his memory and still, despite the passage of time, catching him out, his voice trembling as he tries to articulate the sight and the damage — to her and to him. Because that was the exact moment his world came crashing down. Although it wasn’t until 20 years later when a friend began to persistently ask him, ‘are you okay?’ he even acknowledged the wreckage left behind. Or how close he’d come to ending a life becoming too painful to live. “Like most men, I didn’t want to talk about it,” Paul admitted. “I was angry, self-medicating with alcohol and I’d gotten to the point where I sort of didn’t care anymore, literally, about anybody or anything. “I was lucky enough to have someone ask me if I was okay. I probably bit her head off at the time, but she didn’t give up. “If she had, I certainly wouldn’t be around today. “That’s the big thing — don’t just leave it at that. Listen to the answer. Make your own judgment on what you think is going on and persist with it.” When Paul joined the navy as an 18-year-old, the world seemed to be his oyster. “Like all young men, I had desires to see the world and thought the navy was the way to do it,” he said. “But the experience I got from a mental health perspective in the navy — no way.” Navigating the dangerous waters of bullying and sexual harassment quickly became the norm. And for a naïve boy from the ‘burbs, it was a rude awakening.

IT WAS DIFFICULT AT THE TIME. IT’S DIFFICULT NOW. I STILL SEE IT. YOU WOULDN’T THINK SOMEONE YOU DIDN’T KNOW WOULD AFFECT YOU SO MUCH. BUT IT TRIGGERS ME EVERY TIME

“I’d see everyone waving goodbye to their husbands, wives and children in the port in Sydney, but as soon as they got off in the next port they were off meeting up with other women and men,” he said. “That was a huge shock to me. And I suppose that was my first mental health experience.” After seven years, Paul resigned so he could focus on his marriage and raising a family, working for two years in defence security before almost 20 years as an engineer for NSW prisons. During this time, he also started volunteering for the CFA, attending more incidents than he can recall. But there’s one evening in 1995 he’ll never forget. “We were the first on the scene. A man and a woman who were intoxicated had veered off the road into the front of a ute,” Paul said. “The driver of the F100 was trapped so we had two men trying to get him out. “At that stage, we only knew of the two in the Magna. Then after three minutes investigating the scene, we found two children in the backseat without seatbelts. Both had already passed. “The mother was gone, so was the father. There was no windscreen. And two of us were asked to do a bit of a recce around the area to make it safe for other vehicles. “That’s when I found the third little girl up the road.” It’s the only accident that affected him, still affects him, in his long CFA career. But, he adds, it only takes one to push you over the edge. “It was difficult at the time. It’s difficult now,” Paul said, his voice shaking. “I still see it. You wouldn’t think someone you didn’t know would affect you so much. But it triggers me every time.” Realising his mental health was deteriorating, Paul pursued the traditional trifecta — GP, psychologist, anti-depressants. While he admits these treatments work for many, they left him feeling cold, numb — and dangerous. It was at this time his marriage of 29 years unexpectedly collapsed. “Going through an event like that while on that type of medication, I think it’s very irresponsible if you’re not dealt with very carefully (by medical professionals). And I felt I was irresponsibly dealt with,” Paul said. >>

>> “I got to the point where my thoughts were both homicidal and suicidal. “And with my background and history — what I could have done? 48 EchucaMoama

“All it did take was a phone call from a friend to stop me, to be honest. It was that close.

reacted,” he said. “Even now, I still struggle, don’t get me wrong. I can still be more reactive than I should be. But nowhere near the extent of three years ago.” Looking back, Paul believes much more could be done to support those in the military and emergency services.

“Then after that I felt guilty about what I could have done. And “I’ve been to more than 30 accidents. Not once in that I felt like I wasn’t worth it. So I got to a point where I was like, whole time did I have the opportunity to sit down with a do I drown myself? Do I jump off a bridge? Do I shoot myself?” psychologist or any form of therapy for any of those events,” he said. Battling his inner demons, Paul struggled to open up to anyone during that dark time. “I just told you I could have been suicidal and homicidal,” he said. “For anyone to say that, a lot of people could lose their jobs, their security clearances. And even worse, lose their families. “So for a lot of men, it’s very difficult to actually come out and say it.” It wasn’t until three years ago Paul made the switch from antidepressants to alternative therapies — and he hasn’t looked back. “I don’t have the emotion attached to the events of the past any more. Whereas before it was severely affecting how I

“And people are too scared to bring it up because they’re worried about their position and income. “We can do a hell of a lot more to support our men and women to allow them to recover from what they see every day.” And while he admits alternative therapies may not be everyone’s cup of tea, Paul urges men struggling with mental health to seek help — whatever and wherever it may be. “Women seem to have more guts and want to step forward and say yeah, I’m struggling. But to me, anybody should be able to do it,” he said. “Make the call. Call anybody who is willing to listen. You don’t have to do it alone.” 

If you or someone you know needs help now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. If it becomes a crisis go immediately to the nearest hospital or phone 000.

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THE SOLDIER BOY’S

50 EchucaMoama

NEVER ENDING BATTLE Chris Roberts was about to die. By his own hand. But instinctively reached for the phone when it rang as he was heading out the door to end his life. It was a call that would save his life and, eventually, give him new hope. CHARMAYNE ALLISON tells his story. IF IT weren’t for a single phone call, Rochester’s Chris Roberts wouldn’t be here today.

“A lot of what happened to me in the defence, nobody believed,” he said.

Because it was that call that literally stopped him in his tracks as he was heading to end his life.

“They went through an initiation when I first joined.

After enduring abuse in the army and a bitter divorce, which left him fighting for his child, Chris felt isolated and hopeless to the point where he saw no way out.

“I was taken away from life for three days, they put a hessian bag over my head, stripped me to my jocks, cable tied my feet and hands together and left me in a cold, dark room. “Faeces, urine, diesel, petrol, oil were all thrown over me.”

Until a friend saw the signs and reached out just in time, her phone call the lifeline that tethered him back to reality, reminding him of all he had to live for.

The first in a string of traumatising incidents, Chris felt he had no choice but to stay silent, gagged by peer pressure and the prevailing army culture of “suck it up and move on”.

Seven years later, Chris is clearly still raw, but healing.

He was only in his first year in the military when he fell off an 8ft wall and broke his back.

Tears roll down his cheeks as he speaks, the pain of those dark days in 2012 still frighteningly real. “I was going through the party of custody, so I was very negative and bitter,” he recalled.

“I kept it quiet for 11 years just so I could stay in the army and have a job,” he said.

“Obviously I wanted my child in my life but she was getting taken from me, so I felt worthless.

“But just before discharge they had to do a couple of medicals and found bones that were broken. So now I have extreme back pain.

“I was driving down the street to get a pack of smokes and I put a post on Facebook. To this day I don’t know what I posted, a friend deleted it.

“Keeping it quiet was the worst thing I did, as there are a lot of things I can’t do today because of it. One of them is getting on the floor to play with the kids.

“But that’s when I was about to go down to the river — and that’s when my friend called. And it was that one phone call that pulled me out of it.

“It’s a lot to hold onto. I’m only talking about it recently,” he said, wiping tears away.

“Since then, I haven’t looked back, I’ve just moved forward.” Born in South Australia’s Adelaide Hills, Chris was immersed in army life from day one, his father in the military at the Woodside base. From a young age he dreamed of the day he could also join. But school was a battleground in itself as he dealt with dyslexia and a school system which struggled to understand his learning difficulties. Seen as disruptive and troubled by his teachers, he was kicked out in Year 10, told he’d be a nobody. At 17, he finally realised his dream of joining the army, heading to Kapooka to train for 12 weeks, then to the school of catering in Puckapunyal before finally settling at the unit in Queenscliff in 1995. Where things began to unravel.

“Some of my mates went overseas and haven’t come home. And there are a couple of blokes around here I’ve stopped from trying to kill themselves. It’s been rough. “But I didn’t realise it was impacting me.” After more than a decade in the army, Chris left when he and his wife decided to start a family. He had started work as a bus driver in Geelong when he first detected warning signs in his mental health. “First thing in the morning I’d be getting tired and wanting to fall asleep,” he said. “So I got myself checked out and that’s when they diagnosed me with depression.” It was a diagnosis that rocked him — suddenly forced to grapple with the trauma he’d suppressed for so many years. “In the journey from then to now, there’s been a lot of denial,” he admitted. >>

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>> The subsequent months were a blur as Chris adjusted to a revolving door of medicationsâ&#x20AC;&#x2030;â&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2030;with some self-medication on the side. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Alcohol was a big thing. Every night I would drink. Not to be spastic or paralytic. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d at least have four or five stubbies, which allowed me to sleep,â&#x20AC;? he said. 52

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been on the dry now for four and a half months. My choice.â&#x20AC;?

psychologists, psychiatrists and counsellors until he found ones that worked for him. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And keeping myself active was important so I started to participate in exercise programs,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I also volunteered at the local fire brigadeâ&#x20AC;&#x2030;â&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2030;they were always there for me.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;People want to help you if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to get the help. So thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I did.â&#x20AC;?

Battling mood swings and forced to step back from bus driving as he changed meds, the next blow came when Chrisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; marriage dissolved.

Years down the track, Chris is now living in Rochester with his second wife Jenny and children Jessica, 13, Maddison, 6, and Blake, 4â&#x20AC;&#x2030;â&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2030;as well as his beloved assistance dog Abbie.

Thrust into the murky waters of the court system as he battled for joint custody of his daughter, Chrisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; mental health was the collateral damage.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everyone puts off odours when different things happen and Abbie can sense how Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m feeling,â&#x20AC;? he said.

And in 2012 he reached rock bottom and decided to end his life. Looking back, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be eternally grateful to the friend who called him in those intense minutes, minutes where his life hung dangerously in the balance. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There can be a bad stigma about people who want to commit suicide, that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re selfish and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care about others,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Deep down inside we do careâ&#x20AC;&#x2030;â&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2030;but we feel weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re no good for them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But that phone call reminded me I have too much to live for.â&#x20AC;? Aware of how close heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d come to death, Chris immediately sought help. His meds were reviewed and he met with several

â&#x20AC;&#x153;She grounds me. And when she looks at me it just reminds me something is about to go on so I start grounding myself.â&#x20AC;? The family is currently packing up their house, preparing to move to Mansfield for a fresh start. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just the next step forward for Chris in a life that, while marred by hardship, is dominated by hope. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I used to use pain medication and alcohol to deal with my depression but now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my kids, my dog, my wife and the fresh airâ&#x20AC;&#x2030;â&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2030;as well as all my treating doctors,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a time where I will grow old and leave my kids behind, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural life. But I want to see as far as I can with my kids and my kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; kids. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Life throws you all sorts but youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to try to get the positive. And thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always a positive.â&#x20AC;? ď Ž

If you or someone you know needs help now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. If it becomes a crisis go immediately to the nearest hospital or phone 000.

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53 EchucaMoama

Our unseen angel OF THE COMMUNITY

Child welfare is a labyrinth of rules, regulations and bureaucracy today but as LACHLAN DURLING found out, 40 and 50 years ago it was ad hoc at best and that’s when a champion of the underdog stepped up to make sure no children fell through the cracks on her watch. GUNS, BOOZE AND a long list of kids who sometimes crashed on the couch — it’s an unlikely scenario when you first

But the Echuca-Moama veteran has raised more kids than she can count.

meet Margaret Spedding.

She’s not involved in any kindergartens, nor was she a teacher, >>

ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAD TO GO DOWN TO A SPECIALIST IN MELBOURNE AND SO WHEN I TOOK THEM I’D HAVE TO GO DOWN AND BUY THE GUN AND CARTRIDGES — AND A NICE GUN CASE. YOU WOULDN’T DO IT NOW, YOU WOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO — BUT I HAD MY GUN LICENCE SO IT WAS ALL IN THE RIGHT 54

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but for years she was the person you could call on to help young people in town. While you have your founding fathers of the town, the ones enshrined in plaques, statues, street names and paintings, Margaret is more of an unofficial founding foster carer of the twin towns. Born and raised in Lockington, she is one of the people who has helped build the twin towns in an unconventional way, with fundraisers at the pub involving guns and beer as well as taking in children who needed a place to stay for the night. But the balance sheet from the fundraising she was a part of is more than a country mile long and funded some very necessary facilities. Margaret was the second president of the committee that built the Echuca East kindy, and then became involved in fundraising for Moama’s. “We had moved over to Moama and they were building a kindy there so I joined that committee. The East kindy was built on gun raffles and Moama’s was founded on raffling a pallet of beer,” she laughed. “(In the late ‘60s, early ‘70s) for our gun raffles, one of my children had to go down to a specialist in Melbourne and so when I took them I’d have to go down and buy the gun and cartridges — and a nice gun case. “You wouldn’t do it now, you wouldn’t be allowed to — but I had my gun licence so it was all in the right.” But before you picture Margaret walking around the pub on a Friday night with a gun over her shoulder and a raffle book in her hand, her sellers were the upstanding citizens, and possibly the last person you’d expect to see unless there was trouble in the pub. It was old Johnny Law.

Extension Football Club — the boys played football and the girls played netball and so you just went out, and did things,” she said. “There were a lot of things to go to.” And that tree has grown significantly since, with 20 grandkids and seven great-grandkids. Not to mention the honorary family members the Speddings took in and cared for throughout the years. A story which began when a teacher was worried about one of their students. “We had a meeting at St Mary’s one time and Norma Currell at the shire was there, there’d been an accident at the trotting track in Moama — where the grammar school is now,” Margaret said. “A boy, about 16 or so, was hurt and his mother went in the ambulance with him to Melbourne but left her Grade 3 child at home with a baby who was about two years old.” “The teacher was worried because the child wasn’t coming to school and they knew about the accident so, whatever title Norma was, she was the one to be contacted. They went out and found this student looking after a child. “She came to our meeting telling us about this, she asked if there was something in town or some way we could do something about this. And that’s where we started, I suppose I was one of the instigators.” Within the St Mary’s parish — and because she was working at the hospital — Margaret was the first person to go to for children in need of a place to stay. “But I had lots of couples who, if I had a couple of kids I was already looking after, would take one and I would take the other,” she said.

“My husband Ron was a panel beater in town and knew all the policemen, so they’d go around to the pubs on a Friday and Saturday night,” she said.

“I had a lot of older, teenage kids, and the police knew about what we did so they would arrive in the middle of the night with someone they found roaming around the town because they couldn’t go home.

“They’d go in, put the gun up on the bar and sell raffle tickets. I think we raffled three guns by the end of our fundraising and we got good money.

“They’d bring them over to me for the night and in the morning they’d go home when everything had cooled down.

“We were getting to the people we wouldn’t usually get to with a raffle down the street or through the mother’s club. “And the police were a little wilder in those times. “They’d get down the bush in the middle of the night chasing fellas and run into somebody or run into a tree, at 3 or 4 am you’d get a call ‘can you come over and bash this dent out before the morning?’ — so that’s how we got friendly with the police and made them come and help me with the kindergarten fundraiser.” But when she wasn’t running firearms across district lines, she and Ron were caring for eight children — and the extracurriculars that came with them. “We got involved with whatever the kids were interested in or doing and so came the mothers clubs and the Bamawm

“Most of my kids knew these kids anyway, they were their schoolmates, or they knew them from around town. “Sometimes the kids (who were staying at the Speddings) would take a bike when they wanted to get away. You would find it somewhere in town the next day,” she laughed. And today, decades later, Margaret sees people around town who instantly recognise her. She was the woman who saved them from spending a night on the street. A caring woman who opened her home to everyone as if they were family. But the low-key lifesaver is just as happy to simply brush it off, to shift the focus from herself. “I appreciate what I’ve got in Echuca. It’s been good to me so I’m good to it.” 

Trawling the state for stray animals, abused animals and rescued animals demands a dedication and a commitment beyond buying a few raffle tickets for the RSPCA. But fashion retailer Kelly Robson’s ‘other’ life is the reason, she knows, for which she was put on the earth. ALEX GRETGRIX reports. >>

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(AND THE CATS, AND BIRDS, AND SHEEP, AND ALL THE OTHERS)

Who let the dogs in?

KELLY Robson is always on her feet, always moving. As many mothers and businesswomen always are. 56 EchucaMoama

Kelly is all of those — and more. Because for Kelly being in business, the fashion business, was all but predestined — maybe even genetically destined — after growing up watching her mother running her own clothes shop.

“They’re so patient and forgiving, I just couldn’t imagine my life without an animal in it.” Kelly finished school in Moama and moved away to complete her nursing degree.

After working in mum’s shop for many years, she knew it was something she may want to take on herself.

After spending a few years saving human lives, she knew she wanted to devote more of her time to looking out for and saving the four and two legged creatures that needed it the most.

So that’s exactly what she did and for almost two years Kelly has been working hard to keep women of Echuca-Moama beautifully dressed in her shop Annabella Clothing in High St.

Of course, having her animals and a budding clothing business would uncover more of Kelly’s talents — surviving on less sleep and juggling.

“I opened the shop because a lot of girlfriends would complain to me and say they couldn’t find what they were looking for,” Kelly said. “There’s so many gorgeous clothes out there and we all just got sick of the same thing.” Kelly strived to juggle her business — and common — sense by stocking a broad range catering for all ages and all sizes and a bit also to pay homage to more independent brands. “There wasn’t really anything for the in-between market. For the trendy older ladies and then for those my age, who want good fabrics, things that wash and wear and don’t date, at a good price,” she laughed. But there’s so much more to Kelly than just clothes, shoes and handbags. She has a calling that goes way beyond that. For as long as she can remember, Kelly has had a love for anything furry, hooved or feathered. “Ask my dad, there was always a stray or lost dog coming home in my arms and now I can’t say no … it’s my love and my hobby,” she said. Kelly considered herself a ‘pied piper’, with animals always following her home; even the neighbour’s dog came looking to her for somewhere to go several times. “I remember when I used to go to school and I used to have to walk past the St Aloysius Church every day. “They used to have a camel and sometimes a cow on the grounds to keep the grass down and I just had to stop and pat them … my dad used to yell at me but that didn’t stop me. I had to take a bag of green grass or the apple cores for them to eat.” Her parents knew she had a love for animals, with the family having pets to keep their children entertained. “I’ve always had dachshunds and cats,” she said with a smile. “We used to go horse-riding as kids as my grandfather was a sheep farmer. We were always out in the bush trying to catch an emu to bring home.” Every time the subject came up, Kelly always had a smile on her face and a glint in her eyes. For her, there are just so many reasons why she has such a love for them. “I think one reason is because they’re such good company. They’re always there for you,” she said.

Yes, Kelly knew it was going to be a hard task, but that didn’t stop her. She purchased a block of land and moved back home, quickly turning her new retreat into a menagerie of rescued animals from all over the state, and all just looking for some TLC. As she grew, she became more aware of the cruelty that a lot of animals see and face every day. “I started seeing animals on the euthanasia lists at different shelters, or animals that had just been dumped and I knew I had to do something more,” she said. She was determined to make a difference. Kelly is very active in the Echuca community, working with animal welfare organisations around the area. “There’s a group called Rural Pound Aid with girls in every town who makes lists of all the animals that are soon to be put down in local animal shelters and pounds,” she said. “They call out for people to pledge money to pay for their transport so a rescue organisation or someone will be able to take them out of the pound.” It’s amazing how many people do this, put in the money to keep animals out of trouble and on the right track to a better life. “I do it every week. I go through the lists and donate towards their transport,” she said. “And a lot of it is for the group too. They’re all volunteers and 100 per cent of the money goes into the animal.” She said an aim of hers was to get more people involved. “If more people just gave something, I think we could all really make a difference,” she said. But regardless of what happens, Kelly will always have a place in her heart for these creatures, particularly the ones in need. “There’s never been a bad animal. The rescues I take in, there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s the people that have had them before now. “The rescues are the most forgiving. It’s the ones that have been abused and neglected that make the best companions in the end. They know who to — and not to — trust.” Kelly is still juggling her seemingly chaotic life, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. With her dogs, cats, birds, sheep and everything in between, she has a hidden peace and love that everyone should have the chance to experience. 

57 EchucaMoama

Ari rallied (temporarily) BEFORE HE BLEW IT (TOTALLY)

Car rallies were all the rage back in the 1960s, as more and more people got cars. Now 50 years later they are making a comeback so ace driver ARI BALLE-BOWNESS was plucked out of the Riv office, dumped into the front seat of a work car and told to start driving. IN THE five years I’ve legally been on the road I have totalled seven cars. Oh, yes, and I’ve had two fender-benders. I deemed it best not to mention my chequered motoring history when signing up to cover the Moama Historic Car Club annual rally. And am pleased to report no cars, drivers or passengers were injured in the production of this story. Well, not as a result of my driving any way. One car broke down before it reached the finish line, another was scratched before the start line (rumoured to be the cantankerous outcome of inappropriately early-onset backseat driving). At the obscenely early hour of eight in the a.m., on what promised to be a gorgeous early spring day, rev heads, road trippers and a kamikaze driver in rehab (yes, yes, that’s me) and his unwitting accomplice, Jared, gathered at Moama’s the Five Mile Boat Ramp, for a day of putting the pedal to the metal. As the newest member of the Riv editorial department, my nervousness about driving the rally in a company car existed on many levels (but not as many as Jared’s once I put our pedal to the metal).

The third annual car rally could be (and is, mostly) about club bonding and community engagement — but it’s also a good place to exercise some healthy competition. Which was handy, because it was our goal to get ‘Team Riv’ on the leader board. Evan Catlow, from the Moama Historic Car Club, explained the rally was score based and the team with the highest points tally from the day’s various challenges takes all. The 2019 organisers — club members Kate Dixon, Evan Catlow and Nat Harvey — were also the event’s founders. “We launched the first rally three years ago after Evan and I competed in a similar event near Melbourne,” Kate said. “We thought, why not bring that back to our own club.” The first challenge, registration. Evan explained the competition starts the minute you check in with your essential items; a compass, map and wheel brace. Surprisingly, we had everything but the compass already in the car (and had no idea how to manipulate the compass even if it was there). And they forgot to tell us additional points were awarded for bringing the bonus items. >>

ONE CAR BROKE DOWN BEFORE IT REACHED THE FINISH LINE, ANOTHER WAS SCRATCHED BEFORE THE START LINE (RUMOURED TO BE THE CANTANKEROUS OUTCOME OF INAPPROPRIATELY EARLY-ONSET BACKSEAT DRIVING) >> “Did you bring a balloon?” Evan said. 58

“No.”

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“Did you bring a whistle?” “No.” “Did you bring a dog lead?” “No.” So the pressure was on from the get-go. We would now have to perform above and beyond in the other competitions — and the treasure hunt. Thinking on the fly, we made a pit stop during the out-ofbounds challenge to borrow our treasures from work. These included; a lemon from the breakroom, a bar of chocolate purchased from the Echuca-Moama Theatre Company fundraiser box, a purple pen from the boss’s desk, and a copy of the Herald Sun (the hardest item to find in the office). Treasures now surreptitiously tucked away in the boot, we hit the road. Our tactic was simple — find the location using our limited knowledge of the area and a phone rapidly draining in battery (with a back-up plan of following any car that looked like it was another competitor). Luckily, we took a wrong turn and stumbled across a ‘secret checkpoint’ where Jared was given a GOOD JOB stamp for his navigation skills. With the odd stop here and there, we hit the highway and headed south, Rochy first, then Elmore (and no time for the bakery) and then it all started going pear-shaped. We failed to make a key left turn down High St, leaving us clueless and forced to use our cheat card. A quick U-turn and a few blocks later we were en route to morning tea where we mixed bikkies and coffee with car limbo — guessing the height of your car — and guessing the battery charge. The last event — the scatter-run — came around the corner before we knew it. “You’ll be given a set of instructions and a map of different locations,” Kate said. “You’ve got 90 minutes to work your way out to the locations and get a photo with the items we give you before meeting us for lunch at the Toolleen Hotel.” The items were an Australian flag, a pair of star-shaped glasses, a balloon, party horn and a sign that read ‘I’ve lost my tour bus. Has anyone seen my tour bus? I’m sure I left it around here somewhere’. Heading west down Midland Hwy, I grabbed the first picture of Jared in his lost-traveller outfit beside the Elmore & District Machinery Field Day sign. A rolling stop/start at the Axedale Tavern fixed the next quest before we took off, roaring down the highway — at which point Jared’s real sunglasses (he’d left them on the roof in his haste to hide his competition alter-ego from the mockery of the tavern’s barflies) made a surprise exit, going into orbit in a sharp turn. The clock was now the enemy as another quick U-turn (with the air turning blue around me) took us flying back to rescue

a now very semi-scratched/trashed pair of sunnies and a very disgruntled navigator. Which brought us to the Toolleen Hotel, lunch and a deep sense of disappointment. I put it down to poor choice of navigator/co-driver, but checking in it appeared our treasure trove was missing a few too many items to realise our dream of Team Riv on the podium wasn’t going to happen. Not everyone was as concerned with winning or losing. For Mike Rose in his 1995 HSV Statesman, it was simply about finishing the race. “We had a few breakdowns so getting to the pub and having a celebratory drink is good,” Mike said. “It was absolutely fantastic and a lot of fun and I’m sure everybody who came out today enjoyed themselves.” With Mike’s wise words in mind, I conceded defeat and with the editor’s demands ringing in my ears, set about getting the facts of the big day. First place went to Rodney and Estelle Cole in their 1982 Holden Panel Van. “It was just such a wonderful time, meeting new people and getting out with a new group,” Estelle said. Second place went to Chelsea Dixon, Sarah Prout and Sue Bateson in the Dixon family’s Jaguar XJ6. “It was all about having fun with some good laughs,” Sarah said. “We didn’t find an alpaca in the scatter-run, but there’s always next time.” In third were Tom and Margaret Dempster in their 1959 Ford Galaxie. “We had a good time with good people and that’s the main thing,” Tom said. “But getting third, yeah it was great too.” Hot on the trail, in 14th (that’s 11 spots off the lowest platform on the podium) was your faithful correspondent and his trusty sidekick Jared, whose clenched hands had done some serious damage to the dashboard he was holding on to. This year’s team with the lowest points at the end were John and Irene Nicholson. New members to the club and first-time rally goers, the couple may have gotten a little distracted with the local scenery. “It was great fun, we found some nice spots along the Campaspe for picnicking and camping,” Irene said. Well isn’t that just dandy? There we were risking (Jared’s) life and limb to remain competitive. Our main problem was that we kept missing things and having to turn around and go back to find them. Despite unconfirmed reports of squabbles between other drivers and navigators, the day was pronounced a success. Explaining why she was an organiser in the club, Kate had an immediate answer for that as well: “The [Moama Historic Car Club] rally will always have some domestics, but in the end, we will all get some counselling at the pub”. 

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