The McGill Tribune Vol. 24 Issue 20

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BY T H E

STUDENTS'

SOCIETY

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MCGILL

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NEW S: G e n o c i d e - t h e u n to ld sto r ie s o f h u m a n su ffe r in g .

A&E: E n d le ssly q u o tin g W ill Ferrell is s o n o t fu n n y a n y m o r e .

SPORTS: N o b o d y s c o r e s like h o c k e y star K a th erin e S afk a

UNIVERSITY

Tuesday, Febiuary 8, 2006

One vote, one voice C o u n c il

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MIRIAM A R O N O W IC Z

Dining at McGill says no to exclusivity C A F S

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A ZA DEH TAMJEEDI McGill should not sign exclusivity contracts with corporate food providers like Chartwells, according to a report released last week by the Dining at McGill Advisory Committee.

McGill currently has a number of different food service providers— including student groups, Chartwells, and Residences—but in recent years Ancillary Services has made moves toward incorporating all food services under a primary provider, arguing that it will improve food quality and selec­ tion. As a result, however, student groups like Engineers Without Borders have faced pressure to shut down their pizza and other food sales because they com pete with Chartwells' offerings.

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The 10-member committee looked directly at this issue and assert­ ed in its report to Vice-Principal (Administration and Finance) Morty Yalovsky that student organizations should be able to offer food services.

"Contracts should be non-exclusive so as to allow, at least, fundrais­ ing activities, as well as catered and special event functions from any source," the report states as one of its four recommendations.

Yalovsky agreed to create the committee last spring at the urging of the Coalition for Action on Food Services, which organized a weeklong boycott of Chartwells-run cafete­ rias and collected more than 7 ,0 0 0 petition signatures. Students and some professors had criticized Yalovsky last semester, however, for choosing the

Proposed amendments to the Students' Society Constitution would radically change the structure of SSMU, eliminating several positions considered superfluous.

Council began voting on the proposed changes, which will be finalized on February 17, at its Thursday meeting. The amendments will appear on the ballot in the spring referendum period, which runs from March 1 1 to 16.

While many of the proposed amendments are language clarifica­ tions, they also enact significant struc­ tural changes.

"It's been almost five years since the constitution has been amended and there are sort of a lot of house­ keeping issues [and] minor wording issues," said Vice-President (Communications and Events) Mark Sward. "And then there are some larger things [to consider]."

At the meeting, council voted in favour of eliminating the position of SSMU treasurer, three commissioner positions, and the Board of

e n d m

Treasurer m ight go Thursday's longest discussion w as on the proposal to remove the position of treasurer and transfer the relevant duties to the portfolios of the vice-president (operations) and the general manager.

Sward said that requiring an unelected student to have extensive financial expertise is not only unreal­ istic, but that the position receives no authority to ensure the "long-term financial stability of the society."

Interest Group Financial Administrator and pseudo-treasurer Eric van Eyken opposed the propos­ al.

"What you're doing in these changes is moving the job of one stu­ dent to another," he said. "There is S e e C O N ST IT U T IO N , p a g e 2.

r e p o r t

committee's three student members with minimal consultation.

CAPS representative Max Reed said the Dining at McGill Report is "extremely positive and represents a remarkable achievement for us at CAFS." CAFS members were pleased with the report and hope that the uni­ versity will heed its recommendations.

"The McGill community has said repeatedly that students must be allowed to sell food to fundraise and that diversity and choice must be pre­ served in food services on campus," Reed said. "Now that even his own handpicked advisory committee has come back with the same message, w e urge the [vice-principal] adminis­ tration to respect these principles in

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hat's sexier than beautiful peo ple covered in b a b y o il w re stling in a k id d ie p o o l? W h y the o h -s o -s te a m y Features V a le n tin e 's B o n a n z a B lo w o u t, o f cou rse! Like tw o naked, w rith in g bodies becom in g one, w e blend a m élange o f smut, ro m a n ce , a n d in fo rm a tio n in to one ra u n ch y p u ll-o u t special. O u r o rg y o f erotic im ages as w e ll as articles on p o rn o g ra p h y , d a tin g , m a rria g e , a n d d irty m a dlib s a re sure to w h e t y o u r V -D a y appetite.

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Governors representative.

On February 17, council will continue debating and vote on a proposal to reduce the number of clubs and serv­ ices representatives from three to one, and to remove the Residence and Athletics representatives entirely.

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A n i n v i s ib l e m i n o r i t y

B r e a k in g d o w n in s titu tio n a l r a c is m

C ulture a n d politics alw ays mix

Barriers c a n b e d ism a ntle d TERRI ALDERFER

GEOFF NG

Panelist and men's fashion A s part of Black History designer Byron Peart said that he Month, a McGill-hosted worries about how he personally conference entitled "Ebony represents black people in Roots: Northern Soil" featured a Canada. He called for "a future panel discussion Saturday on [for] black Canadians that looks “Cultural Production, outside of American culture—a future where we concentrate less Representation and Media."

BENJI FELDMAN

Panelists discussed minority representation in Canada.

University of Toronto professor George Elliot Clarke argued that culture and politics are intertwined.

"You cannot talk about culture and leave out politics," he said. "If we want to move ahead culturally, we have to understand politics."

Clarke said that the current government lacks political repre­ sentation of minority groups.

"We now have a minority government in Canada with very few minorities in it," he said. "[Prime Minister] Paul Martin has lowered the level of visible minori­ ties in the cabinet without a peep of protest."

C A M P U S

on how people perceive us and more on how we perceive our­ selves."

The roundtable discussion named specific obstacles to minori­ ty representation, and questioned whether certain political institutions undermine black culture as much as they support it.

Independent film producer Mahalia Verna discussed the Canadian content program and its effect on multiculturalism, question­ ing whether the concept of diversi­ ty has become institutionalized.

"Does it affect culture and how it is vehicled?" she said. ■

I ndividuals have an intellectual

responsibility to break the silence surrounding race and racism.

This was the message of a round­ table discussion held Saturday on institutional racism.

The discussion featured five panelists who spoke of their experi­ ences with institutional racism and encouraged others to effect change by translating ideas and discus­ sions into action.

African-Canadians encounter institutional racism in the criminal justice, education, and health care systems as well as in seeking employment, said panelist David Divine, a professor at Dalhousie University. Divine defined institution­ al racism as the "state-legitimated, sanctioned, and maintained oppression of blacks." For exam­ ple, he said, fields such as post­ colonial studies, race and ethnic studies, black and black feminist studies are underrepresented in Canadian universities. Divine attrib­ uted this lack of black presence to the idea that "our presence chal­ lenges the system."

"Institutions are like large ships—relentless, difficult, and slow," said Anthony Stewart, assis­ tant professor of English at Dalhousie University and chair of the panel. "You need a critical mass to move them."

Stewart acknowledged, how­ ever, that even at critical mass it

N E W S

something behind an independent person who has nothing to fear of the electoral committee."

SSMU Vice-President (Operations) Anthony Di Carlo stressed that the vice-president [finance and operations)—the pro­ posed name for the combined posi­ tion—would not be working inde­ pendently. He said that a team of financial counselors would help man­ age the work load and scrutinize budgets.

BoG rep might go Council voted to remove the position of Board of Governors repre­ sentative, leaving the SSMU presi­ dent with the only undergraduate seat at the Board, the university's most powerful decision-making body.

Because council's vote won't take effect until students approve the con­ stitutional referendum, however, next month students will elect a Board rep­ resentative at the same time they vote as to whether to eliminate the posi­ tion.

The move was precipitated by recent Board _ downsizing that

may take a while for a minority group to learn how the majority institutions work in order to exert influence upon them.

Panelist Maxwell Nelson, a former vice-principal and teacher with the Durham Board of Education, described his strenuous legal battle with the Board of Education over the issue of race.

"You have to psyche yourself up because you know your cause is good and right and bigger than you," he said.

It is because of individuals like Nelson who are willing to fight institutional racism that others have gotten to where they are today, Stewart said.

"I know that I owe my career

C A M P U S

C o n s titu tio n c h a n g e s f o r t h c o m in g C ontinued from co v er

BENJI FELDMAN

Canadian universities neglect race and ethnic studies, a panelist said.

reduced the number of SSMU seats from two to one. Council has opted to send the SSMU president rather than a specially designated Board representative because the president would otherwise not be privy to con­ fidential information discussed at Board meetings.

Before the president can sit on the Board, however, the Board's members must adjust a rule that requires the SSMU representative to be taking 1 8 credits or more. Most SSMU executives take a maximum of 1 2 credits per year.

Commissioners might go Many council members voiced concern over the possible removal from the constitution of the faculty relations commissioner, international student affairs commissioner, and especially the francophone commis­ sioner. They said that SSMU may be perceived as not reflecting its fran­ cophone membership.

Same time, same channel, next week The final and most drastic pro­ posed change is to remove the Athletics and Residence representa­ tives from council, and reduce the number of clubs and services repre­

sentatives from three to one. Council will vote on the final version of this proposed amendment next Thursday.

"One seat is too little, two is just right, and three is over-representa­ tive," Clubs and Services Representative Leon Mwotia said.

Residence Representative Danielle Brown said that having only the first-year representative to protect first-year interests is problematic because the position is voted on in mid-fall and only comes into effect during the second semester. Without the Residence representative, she said, many first-years will not have a voice on SSMU council until mid­ year.

"It is very important for us to have a voice, a channel of communi­ cation," she said.

Athletics Representative Carla Rosenfeld said she has yet to forman opinion on the amendment, pending today's meeting of the Student Athletics Council.

Sward said that the proposed changes would redistribute represen­ tation fairly.

"Everyone gets one voice, but no one gets an extra voice," he said.

"It is the law of averages that deter­ mines who gets represented." ■

to a group of people of which he is one."

Although the conference was planned as a celebration of Black History Month, the focus of the dis­ cussion was on the future of blacks in Canada. Stewart emphasized that although institutional racism still exists, its perpetuation is not inevitable.

"The obstacles in our way are myriad and complex but not insur­ mountable."

Faith Shamonda, who gradu­ ated from McGill last year, said that the discussion provided her with some strategies to deal with potential racism in the future.

"I feel like it's not so hopeless after all." ■

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D M A C s id e s w ith s tu d e n ts C o m m itte e

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any changes made to Food Services at McGill."

The committee received more than 100 submissions from a wide range of organizations, including CAFS, Inter-Residence Council, Chartwells, and two other residential and retail dining providers, Aramark and Sodexho. ■

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Now that the committee has given him its recommendations, Yalovsky will submit a response and a position paper.

"I knowthat members of the com­ mittee dedicated considerable time and effort in evaluating the submis­ sions and engaging the presenters," he said. "At all times the interests of the overall universityxommunity were paramount in their mind." ■

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Relief party gets no love A student-organized party intended to raise money for tsunami relief was cancelled last week due to lack of interest.

The Students' Society spent about $ 175 to print 1,700 tickets for a party last Thursday at Central Stafion, a club on boulevard St.Laurent. At $10 a ticket, the event aimed to raise $17,000 to aid vic­ tims of the December 26 tsunami in South Asia, which has resulted in

#

more than 220,000 confirmed deaths so far.

Club executives were supposed to sell tickets to their membership, but only about five people stopped by the SSMU office to pick them up, said SSMU Vice-President (Clubs and Services) Sameen Shahid.

"If people don't come pick up tickets," she said, "you sort of assume that people aren't interested in the fundraiser." ■ —JenniferJett

the mcgill tribune j 8 .1.05 j news 3 N E W S

A N A L Y S I S N E W S

H a u n t i n g h is t o r ie s . F o r g o tte n

G e n o c id e

A w a r e n e s s

N1ALL MACKAY ROBERTS I n the span of three months, nearly one million perished.

Some were herded into public squares by civilian militias and shot or burned. Some were murdered in their homes by professional soldiers. Others were simply slain by neigh­ bours for land, possessions, or thefood promised by thegov^ ernment as rewards. Many of those who survived were raped, disfigured, or driven fromtheir homes.

But how many McGill students know the story of the Rwandan genocide? How many recall the sheer numbers of Tutsis killed? How many, in a year commemorating the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Nazi death camps, remem­ bered last year's tenth anniversary of the Rwandan tragedy?

■ To remind students of these stories, the Coalition of Concerned Students organized Forgotten Genocide Awareness Week, which ran from last Monday to Friday.

The coalition—which is spearheaded by the Muslim Students' Association and includes 10 other McGill clubs and services—presented a series of lectures and films aimed at drawing attention to recent genocides often overlooked in the popular media.

Nafay Choudhury, who coordinated the week, explained that some students are uninformed even about genocides that occurred during their lifetimes.

"Sometimes people come up to me and ask me why we included Rwanda, but go up to any student and ask them, 'Who were the majority of people killed in Rwanda?

Were they Hutus or Tutsis?' If you can't answer that simple question, then it means this is becoming a forgotten episode in history. We want people to become more aware, because only through awareness can they actually start affecting the world.”

Each day last week, the coalition presented another account of ethnic or religious violence in recent history. They included thestories of Rwanda, Chechnya, the Balkans, and the Indian stateof Gujarat, then concluded Friday with a call to action and a summary lecture by political science profes­ sor Rex Brynen (see sidebar).

Some presenters, while recognizing the tragedy of recent events, distanced themselves fromthe termgenocide.

Omar Ashour, who lectured on Chechnya, emphasized Chechen suffering over the past decade of conflict with Russia. He suggested, however, that Chechen massacres could not properly be called genocide because the popula­ tion was not threatened with extermination.

In 1994, threeyears after the Chechen Republic unilat­ erally declared its independence, Russian troops entered the region to regain control, killing 100,000 in the process.

Over the next several years, order disintegrated. Chechen rebels staged a series of attacks on Russian forces and polit­ ical leaders, and on the neighbouring state of Dagestan, intent on creating their own Islamic state. Russia responded by reinvading the Chechen capital, leaving much of the city razed and more than 200,000 in refugee camps.

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In the period that has followed, an uneasy peace has degenerated into military skirmishes and separatist terrorism, including last year's infamous attack on a grade school in southern Russia. Numerous Russians and countless Chechens have suffered torture, and still more Chechens remain in refugee camps in neighbouring regions.

Sarah Elgazzar, a member of MSA and the Coalition of Concerned Students, emceed Wednesday's Chechnya presentation. She hopes a reminder of forgotten tragedies will affect this generation of students enough to make a per­ manent change.

"I know that we have people [watching these films] who are going to be leaders," she said. "If we can just increase awareness for the people who are going to be leading, then we can prevent something like this from hap­ pening again. You're never at a loss when you have educa­ tion."

It remains to be seen, however, how actively students are willing to take up a cause as broad as genocide, and howmuch change a simple awareness campaign can effect in the long run. In a university known for its supposedly apa­ thetic student body, the magnitude of the issue seems over­ whelming.

"There's definitely apathy," Choudhury said, "but it's not a deliberate apathy. A lot of people just don't have the infor­ mation. Hopefully, then, this is an idea that builds momen­ tum, so that people understand that there are terrible things that happen in theworld, but that they have the power todo something, to engage academically."

Rashin Forotan Fard, U3 Political Science, attended two lectures last week. Like Choudhury, she saw the weeklong program as an event creating incremental change.

"As an individual, you go toa lecture like this, and you understand howbig things are—what really happened, how many were killed,” she said. "Then, the next time you talk to someone about the Rwandan genocide, it isn t something you know nothing about. You can feel it in another way...

By giving information and involving yourself, the genocide becomes more than just words."

Members of the coalition also expressed hope that, given continued student interest, Forgotten Genocide Awareness Week may become an annual event, or even develop more formally in the future.

"The week definitely reached my expectations and beyond," Choudhury said. "A lot of people are bringing up the idea of going further from here, A lot of universities offer genocide as a studies program, and it very much could be [a program at McGill]."

Choudhury stressed that this and future genocide awareness campaigns must be seen as tools for education and discussion, and not as attempts to lay blame on any sin­ gle group.

"This is an issue of great importance, regardless of reli­ gion, culture, ethnicity, or race, because genocide affects us all as humans. Innocent people are the victims." ■

Crisis in S u d a n , Is it g e n o c id e ? peaking as part of Forgotten Genocide Awareness Week on Friday, Political Science Professor Rex Brynen discussed the capacity of the international system to respond to genocide and addressed issues surrounding the international legal framework for handling genocide, with particular reference to the Darfur crisis in Sudan.

The speech focused on the need for the international community to legitimize an International Criminal Court in order to confront issues such as the crisis in Darfur.

"The international community needs to hardball on this," said Brynen. "The precedent of establishing an International Criminal Court is hugely important. Massive human rights vio­ lations should not be permitted."

The United Nations' Cassesse Commission report, released last week, called for the UN Security Council to refer Darfur to the International Criminal Court. However, the United States currently opposes any UNSC referral of Darfur, favouring instead the creation of an ad hoc tribunal.

Since February 2003, the Sudan Liberation Army and the Justice and Equality Movement—Sudanese government forces—along with government-backed ethnic militias have committed war crimes, aimes against humanity, and ethnic cleansing in Darfur.

Despite the scale and seriousness of the crimes commit­ ted in Darfur, the commission determined that there was no clear evidence of genocidal intent by the Sudanese govern­ ment.

The commission's report highlighted theweakness of the 1948 Genocide Convention, which provides a restrictive definition of genocide, said Brynen.

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"Most mass killings are not considered genocide, even if numbers are high," he said. "Very few mass killings in this century would constitute genocide [according to the Convention]."

The inability to classify Darfur as genocide has posed challenges for the international community in deciding what should be done about such crises.

"The notion of the responsibility to protect is becoming the norm [among states],” said Brynen, citing the examples of the International Commission on Intervention and State Sovereignty in 2001 and the 2004 United Nations HighLevel Panel report. Bothdocuments confrontedthe issue of the responsibility of the international community toprotect citizens in states that have committed human rights abuses.

However, he said, “precautions must be taken before intervening and intervention must be a last resort, have pro­ portionate means, and reasonable prospects."

Sending in troops is rarely as simpleas it seems, Brynen said, and raises issues about who has the right to intervene and which countries can realistically be intruded upon.

"Peacekeeping an intervention operation is expensive.

It'seasier said thandone,”he said. "In Iraq, the US has faced insurgents—it's the biggest army in the world and it's having problems."

These are complex conflicts, he said.

"How do you get out again?" he asked. "What hap­ pens tothe area when you leave?”

Brynen added that he did not think forceful intervention will occur in Darfur. ■ —Amanda Greenman

Y O U

C A N

U S E

R e n t o n t h e r is e H a b ita t for Hum anity speaks a g a in st landlord abuses TRACI JOHNSON First-year students in Residence at McGill have begun their search for the ideal apart­ ment, and many upper-years are contemplating lease renewals.

However, student renters are not always aware of their rights as tenants, leading to confusion

not everyone is."

Rent is not the only area in which landlords can deceive ten­ ants. Apartment hunters should be wary of the "lease applica­ tions" that some landlords ask potential tenants to fill out—the landlord can accept the applica­ tion as a legally binding lease.

An application should always

BENJI FELDMAN

Many students can't find time to read up on their rights. and sometimes shady dealings.

Habitat for Humanity's McGill chapter has started a campus-wide campaign to raise awareness about tenants' rights and the Montreal housing short­ age.

"It's important for students to contest their rent increases," said Stan Kupferschmidt, Habitat information minister. "[Students] may take it for granted that they can afford to pay extra money for an apartment, but rent increases have big implications for the Montreal community, especially for low-income fami­ lies."

According to Project Genesis, a Montreal tenants' rights organization, landlords must notify their tenants at least three months before the end of a 12-month lease if they plan to raise the rent. Tenants then have one month to refuse the pro­ posed increase in writing. After receiving a refusal, landlords have a month to appeal to the Régie du logement, which will adjust the rent based on the building's annual revenues and expenses. If new conditions, such as the responsibility of pro­ viding heating, are proposed, the same rights to refusal apply.

In addition, landlords must inform new tenants, also in writ­ ing, of the lowest rent paid for the apartment in the last 12 months. If new tenants wish to contest any increase over the previous rent, they have 10 days to inform the Régie.

"Some students just aren't as aware about renting," said Phil Knerr, a Masters student in Economics who stopped at the Habitat for Humanity table in the Leacock building. "I've been pretty lucky with landlords, but

have a lapse date so that the landlord is required to answer the query in a given number of days.

Housing around McGill has, in recent years, come with an added complication — because of the shortage of apart­ ments close to campus, landlords or previous tenants have been charging prospective renters ille­ gal charges known as finder's fees, of which students may not be aware.

Kupferschmidt said that refusing rent increases and find­ er's fees does more than help people save money. It also fights the lack of affordable housing in Montreal.

"It's a social obligation," he said. "When students stand up for their rights, they stand up for the rights of others as well." ■ P r o te c tin g y o u r in te r e s ts U se fu l c o n t a c t in f o fo r t e n a n t s

Régie du Logement ri Village Olympique Wing D 5 1 9 9 Sherbrooke East, Y #2095 (514) 873-2245

Project Genesis 4735 Cote SteCatherine, Montreal (514) 738-2036

Habitat for Humanity McGill

111 habitaLmcgill@yahoo.com (514) 731-3938

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news | 8.1.05 | the mcgill tribune A N G L E S

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S o m e C a n a d ia n s a r e

M c G ill

Scar[et*jKeyjlward

m o r e e q u a l th a n o th e rs State of marriage can't get worse JOSH WILNER

F o r 0 V 6 1 V 5 y e a r s , the. Scarlet Key has been awarded to honour exceptional students who have demonstrated outstanding leadership at M c G ill University.

This cornerstone of civilization: "Marriage: the union of one man and one woman, " is being attacked by persons out of touch with Canadian values. Your steadfast opposition to the Same-Sex Marriage Bill will help preserve the stability of family-based Canadian society and ensure a wholesome future for our children.

—Excerpt from a Feb. I full-page advertisement in the Globe and Mail.

The Scarlet Key Honour Society is now accepting applications from you, the candidate, orfrom someone else who believes that an individual is deserving of the award

uick, man your battle sta­ tions! The nallowed insti^ tution of marriage is under attack, and it's shaping up to be a five-month-long siege.

Phalanxes of—brace yourself— queer people want into this great fortress of civilization, and the fed­ eral government might just legis­ late them in.

Bill C-38, known as the Civil Marriage Act, redefines marriage as "the lawful union of two per­ sons tothe exclusion of all others."

Apparently, this poses a grave threat to children, families, the institution of marriage itself, and all of civilization.

Why? Same-sex marriage is already law in seven Canadian provinces. Civilization persists.

Families are intact. The already putrid state of marriage has not degenerated any further.

Wholesome futures abound for Canadian children.

Concerned parents seeking to defend the rights of their chil­ dren should look past the "threat" of same-sex couples who wish to have their mutual love for one another officially recognized as "marriage," and focus instead on culprits who pose a much less fic­ titious danger to their children— pedophile priests. This cornerstone of civilization—men should not fool around with little boys—is being attacked by pent-up padres.

At long last, here is something actually deserving of steadfast opposition.

One of the most common arguments against same-sex mar­ riage, but also one of the most specious, is that the purpose of tra­

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Smrkt Key recipient is an individual that goes above and beyond the call of duty, is truly committed to the McGill community, inspires and motivates others, demonstratesperseverance, /militates continuity, and displays passion and creativity.

applications are now amiable to download at nm u mcgill caf scarletkey

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H o l o c a u s t a n d r e la t e d s t u d ie s , a n d p a r tic u la r ly o n t h e h is t o r y o f t h e g h e t t o s o f W a rsa w a n d K o v n o (K a u n a s). E ssa y s p r e p a r e d in a n y c o u r s e o r in d e p e n d e n t r e se a r c h m a y b e c o n s id e r e d . T h e a w a r d is a d m in is t e r e d b y t h e D e p a r t m e n t o f J e w is h S t u d ie s in c o o p e r a t i o n w it h t h e J e w is h C o m m u n i t y F o u n d a t io n .

T h e a w a r d w i l l b e p r e s e n t e d d u r in g t h e C l o s i n g E x e r c is e s o f t h e D e p a r t m e n t o f J e w is h

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ditional marriage is to provide a bond between man and woman for the purposes of procreating, rearing, and protecting children.

A lettewriter to the Tribune last week was not the first to make this argument. Unfortunately, he will not be the last.

Now, same-sex couples are obviously not fecund, but lucky for themthe ability to procreate is not a prerequisite for gaining a mar­ riage licence—civil or otherwise.

Were this the case, irredeemably infertile males and females would be legally disbarred from- many ing. Adoption, for one, would be illegal.

Since the argument from pro­ creating, rearing, and protecting children clearly fails, the typical fallback plan is to invoke the authority of tradition. However, there are many different matrimoni­ al traditions. In the Dahomey tribe of West Africa, one woman could marry another, with the first woman becoming the legal "father" of the children (by other men) of the second. There is no reason why this tradition is in any way inferior to ours, nor is there any prima facie reason to outlaw the evolution of traditions.

Marriage, for a long time, was a monetary transaction between grooms and men with daughters, often arranged and involuntay The fact that it happened to be a tradition is not a valid reason for tolerating its injustice.

The "enemy" of marriage is not gay couples, but a culture that is more inclined to dissolve a mar­ riage than cancel a cable televi­ sion subscription. ■

T h e v a lu e

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F a m ilie s M e m o r ia l A w a r d is $ 1 0 0 0 .

• T h e c o m p e titio n is o p e n to u n d e rg ra d u a te a n d g ra d u a te s tu d e n ts a t M cG ill U n iversity.

• S tu d e n ts m u s t s u b m it 2 ty p e d c o p ie s o f th e ir e s s a y s to g e th e r w ith fu ll c o n ta c t in fo rm a tio n , • E s s a y s c a n b e b a s e d o n p r im a r y o r s e c o n d a r y m a t e r i a l s a n d w o r k in a il r e l a t e d d i s c i p l i n e s w ill b e c o n s i d e r e d .

• E s s a y s u b m is s io n s m u s t reach th e D e p a rtm e n t o f Jew ish S tu d ie s O ffic e , 3 4 3 8 M cTavish S tre e t, no la te r th a n A p ril 13, 2 0 0 5 .

U p to S p e e d

Playboy Home Entertainment is releasing a DVD entitled "Women of Fear Factor," featuring seven contestants from the hit NBC show, on March 15. The women also appear in a nude T j w *"* photo spread in this month's issue of Playboy magazine. • A Texas *VC8 ' woman has been charged with killing ner husband by raising his blood alcohol level to six times the legal limit with a sherry enema. ,f€ii Yes, a sherry enema—she routinely gave him wine enemas to intoxi­ cate him because medical problems prevented him fromdrinking alco­ C*%Ç hol. • The US recording industry has named an 83year-old woman m v who died in December in a federal illegal file-sharing lawsuit. "I cmt believe that if music companies are going toset an example they need to do it to appropriate people and not dead people," Gertrude iv a Waltons daughter said. • McGill Animal Science Professor K.F. NgKwai-Hang has discovered that a cow's genetic profile enables scien­ tists to determine the quality of cheese its milk will produce. Milk qual­ w hL; ity varies within as well as among the more than TOO different breeds. • An Australian woman has pleaded guilty to selling beer i îî she did not have on eBay for more than US$ 1,500. She sold three iiiBiMBlfe. cases of Duff beer, a brand that has become a collector's item because its brewers were forced to stop producing it after cre­ H N H ators of The Simpsons—who invented the brand as a Homer h p ü ■ 1 Simpson staple—sued to take it off the market. ■ 0

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SOURCES: ASSOCIATED PRESS, HOUSTONCHRONICLE.COM, REUTERS, MCGILL.CA, YAHOO.COM

the mcgill tribune |8.105 j news 5

Bush to u ts A m e ric a n v a lu e s D em ocrats give lacklustre response to State o f th e Union JENNIFER JETT Groundhogs across North America were split Wednesday over the "shadow/no shadow" debate. A different kind of disagreement was evi­ dent the same day at the US Capitol, as President George W. Bush delivered his fourth State of the Union address.

"Since September 1 1, he's really [hit] his stride as an orator. It seems like he has found his focus and mission, and he's much more effective as a com­ municator," said History Professor Gil Troy. "Whether you agree with him or ARCHIV.RADIO.CZ not is a different issue."

Tied together by repeated refer- War in Iraq, ences to the future Bush envisions for "If whole regions of the world American children, the speech remain in despair and grow in hatred, addressed three areas: the economy, they will be the recruiting grounds for societal values, and national security. terror," he said, "and that terror will On January 14 Bush told the stalk America and other free nations for Washington Post that he would not decades.” lobby Congress to pass a constitutional Bush distinguished between his amendment banning same-sex mar- aggressive push for democracy and the riage, pending a ruling on the constitu- tyranny of foreign leaders like ousted tionality of the less explicit Defense of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

Marriage Act. In the State of the Union Widespread democracy, he argued, address, however, he reiterated his wj|| foster peace, commitment to such an amendment.

"The United States has no right, no "Because marriage is a sacred desire, and no intention to impose our institution and the foundation of society, form of government on anyone else," it should not be redefined by activist he said. "[Our enemies] seek to impose judges," he said. and expand an empire of oppression, Bush dedicated a large part of the |n which a tiny group of brutal, self­ speech to his plan to privatize Social appointed rulers control every aspect of Security, which he called "a symbol of every life." thetrust between generations." The proThe President lauded reformefforts gram will become bankrupt by 2042, jn Morocco, Jordan, and Bahrain, he said. Bush welcomed suggestions called on Saudia Arabia and Egypt to from politicians of all stripes, but only become more politically inclusive, and within certain parameters—he ruled out warned Syria toend state-supported terany increase in payroll taxes. Instead, rorism. He also emphasized the joint he proposed creating voluntary person- diplomatic effort with Europeans to shut al retirement accounts, allowing work- down Iran's nuclear weapons proers to divert up to four per cent of their grams. payroll taxes.

Most foreign leaders and citizens According to FactCheck.org, how- viewed the speech skeptically, Alper ever, even a "bankrupt" Social Security said. systemwould be able to pay out three"Bush is trying to comfort the rest quarters of the current benefits, and per- of the world in saying that we're going sonal accounts will not necessarily pro- to take a very humanitarian internationvide a greater rate of return. Bush also alist perspective," he said. "In the four neglected to mention thecorresponding years that he's been president, hes benefit cuts any personal account made a lot of promises, [but] he has no would entail. credibility. He has no credibility with "Bush's rhetoric is just filled with anybody but Americans." blatant untruths, particularly when it In recent years the American pubcomes to Social Security, that are easi- ||c has lost enthusiasm for the annual ly and openly refuted and clearly address, which according to Reuters wrong," said History Professor Leonard drewfive million fewer viewers than last Moore. year.

Calling the Social Security propos"A lot of people have sort of tuned al "radical," Moore said Bush will find it out," Moore said. "It also seems to it difficult to get it approved. reflect more the state of disunion than "He may be able to get through union in the sense that Bush is a divisive some kind of compromise that could president, and that was very evident, significantly alter Social Security, but the The partisanship and the op>en hostility total vision he's laid out I believe will be was visible with the clapping, catcalls, rejected." and hooting on one side and then the But Eric Alper, a 1)1 Management booing by the Democrats." student and co-president of Democrats House Minority Leader Harry Reid Abroad, notedthat Bush hasan over- and House Minority Whip Nancy whelming majorityin Congress.

Pelosi gave the official Democratic "There is some dissent in the response, which Alper said he found Republican party, but I'm not sure it's disappointing. strong enough to derail his Social "| don't thjnk that they offered an Security plan, or much of his domestic effective, visible response that agenda," he said. described any of the values that we Bush's success in achieving his stand for," he said. "It's like theres no goals at home will depend largely on passion." developments in Iraq and in the war on Troy and Moore also described terror, Troy said. the Democratic resjuonse as "tepid" "His domestic agenda is definitely and "lukewarm." The Democrats have still held hostage by the foreign agen- struggled against the Republican party's da." momentum, said Troy.

Expanding on his inaugural theme "They're sort or sucking up all the of freedom, Bush vowed to continue to oxygen in the political system," he said, fight terrorists, although he provided no "and the Democrats are gasping for end date for the war on terror or the breath." ■

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JACQUI WILSON The day after elections in USoccupied Iraq went relatively smooth­ ly, the Debating Union hosted a panel discussion with three university profes­ sors to discuss US President George W. Bush's second term. The partici­ pants, Professors Gil Troy and Leonard Moore fromMcGill's History department and Professor Graham Dodds from Concordia's Political Science program, discussed American foreign policy and domes­ tic issues that wifi figure prominently over the next four years.

Last Sunday voters in Iraq—most­ ly Shi'ites and Kurds—elected 275 members to the National Assembly, which will draft a constitution. Dodds pointed out that the turnout for the Iraqi election was proportionately higher than the turnout for the US elec­ tion in November. Moore said that the American media have tended to portray the Iraqi election as a great success. But Troy cautioned that it is a mistake to claim definitively that the election or war has been either a suc­ cess or a failure.

The panel members also addressed Bush's ongoing war on ter­ ror, specifically with regard to Iran.

Troy said that he expects to see Iran appear in the news more frequently.

The US does not have the military capability to sustain simultaneous operations in Iran and Iraq, Moore said. Dodds agreed that the US mili­

YASEMIN EMORY

Experts on American politics offer arguments, predictions, and opinions.

tary is over-extended. He also said that his take on Bush's inaugural speech varied fromthe common inter­ pretation. "[Bush] has a speechwriter who has finally made the case for Iraq," he said.

Bush chief speechwriter Michael Gerson officially ended his tenure with the January 20 inaugural address.

Another issue the panel dis­ cussed was how new Supreme Court and Cabinet apfsointees will affect American society. Moore said that Bush is in danger of overreaching through his "activist agenda.” Dodds also said Bush may overreach on this issue, and said that Bush's appoint­ ment of Alberto Gonzales to replace John Ashcroft as attorney general proved this tendency. The US Senate confirmed Gonzales Thursday by a vote of 60 to 36.

Troy speculated that the issue of legalized abortion will be left alone

because of an uneasy tolerance for it in the US. Neither Democrats nor Republicans are willing "to go to war" on the issue, he said.

The last formal question of the discussion dealt with Social Security and the economy. It is striking that Social Security reform has evolved so much since former president Ronald Reagan was voted down on the issue in the 1980s, Dodds said. Now it seems possible to drastically change the program, but Dodds doubts it will happen.

Troy characterized Bush's insis­ tence on tax cuts as an ideological belief rather than a response to changing economic circumstances.

He said that when the economy was strong, Bush argued that Americans deserved a tax cut, but once the economy weakened, he advocated tax cuts to stimulate the economy.

Moore said this is one area in which the Bush administration ts destined to overreach. ■

W h a t ’s y o u r s c h o l a r s h i p ?

F in d y o u r s c h o la r s h ip o p p o r t u n i t i e s a t o u r r e - l a u n c h e d S c h o la r s h ip C h a n n e l V is it

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news | 8.1.05 J the mcgill tribune

C A M P U S

NEWS

N E W S

Heads up Ice strikes student a t O pen House JAY PALEJA Last Sunday was uncharac­ teristically warm for a January afternoon. As high school ana CEGEP students wandered through campus during McGill's Open House, snow was begin­ ning to melt on building roofs— and (aliing on prospective stu­ dents.

As one student stood next to Redpath Hall, a sheet of ice slipped off the roof and onto her head. McGill Security and ambu­ lances were called in to attend to the victim's minor injuries at the

about it?"

SSMU acting President Andrew Bryan said the issue had been discussed at the university Senate meeting the day before. As was done immediately after the incident, McGill's plan dictates that the affected areas be cordoned off during the winter so students are not in the path of falling ice.

On Subhan's request, Bryan agreed to support the idea of installing barriers on rooftops to catch the sliding ice but was doubt­ ful of the idea's practicality in terms of cost—the university already has

A s a p rosp ective student sto o d n ext to R edpath H all, a sh e e t o f ice slip p ed o ff the ro o f a n d o n to her h e a d .

scene.

While Redpath does have signs that say, "Danger—snow and ice falling from root," the inci­ dent has raised questions about the university's commitment to this safe­ ly issue. Junaid Subhan, a Science representative to the Students' Society, witnessed the incident and mentioned it at council on Thursday.

"Is the McGill administration aware it's a problem?" he said. "If they are, what are they doing

u O ttaw a L’Université canadienne Canada’s university

to contend with $ 165-million in deferred maintenance.

Real Tessier, executive direc­ tor of Facilities Management and Development, was unavailable for comment.

Falling ice is a problem in many areas of campus, but the high traffic at the McTavish gates near Redpath makes it of greater concern.

"It shouldn't take someone to get hurt before something is done about if," said Subhan. ■

BRI EF

Principal strikes task force on student life and learning Principal Heather Munroe-Blum announced plans for a Task Force on Student Life and Learning at the university Senate meet­ ing on Wednesday.

Dean of Science Alan Shaver offered his approval.

"This is a strong statement from McGill that it is going to help the faculties," he said.

As a "renaissance person entering many

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YASEMIN EMORY

disciplines," the McGill student would be greatly aided, Shaver said, by the solutions the task force will provide when it reports in fall 2006.

Munroe-Blum recognized that students focus much of their energy on extracurricular activities, and therefore, McGill must take stock of student activities and how to improve stu­ dents' experiences both in and out of the class­ room. With about 22 members drawn equaF ly from among faculty and students, the task force will split into five working groups to look into student-administration relations, support services, student diversity, the Quebec experi­ ence, and technology. Members will solicit opinions from members of the McGill commu­ nity, as well as examine practices at other uni­ versities.

—Genevieve Jenkins To read about Liberal McGill's environ­ mental policy forum, visit ww.mcgilltribune.com.

The University of Ottawa rewards excellence in the SCi6 f1C e s !

F o r P h D S tu d e n ts : * A lm o s t 9 0 % o f a ll C a n a d ia n s a r e a w a r d e d a n a d m i s s i o n s c h o l a r s h ip t h a t c o v e r s t h e ir t u i t io n fo r fo u r y e a r s ! * T h is s c h o l a r s h ip in c l u d e s a s s i s t a n t s h i p s o f a t le a s t $ 2 8 , 0 0 0 o v e r fo u r y e a r s .

• S t u d e n t s c a n r e c e i v e t h r e e tr a v e l g r a n t s , in c l u d in g o n e t o a n y d e s t i n a t i o n in t h e w o r ld , t o p r e s e n t t h e ir r e s e a r c h f i n d in g s .

F o r R esearch M a s te r's S tu d e n ts : • O v e r 4 5 % o f a il C a n a d ia n s a r e a w a r d e d s c h o l a r s h ip s t h a t c o v e r t h e ir t u i t io n fo r a y e a r .

• A d m is s io n s c h o l a r s h ip s in c l u d e a s s i s t a n t s h i p s o f a t l e a s t $ 7 ,0 0 0 . ♦ S t u d e n t s c a n r e c e i v e a tr a v e l g r a n t t o p r e s e n t t h e ir r e s e a r c h f in d in g s .

N a tu r a lly , f in a n c ia l a s s i s t a n c e o f f e r e d b y t h e U n iv e r s ity o f O t t a w a is in a d d it io n t o a n y o t h e r fin a n c ia l a id o r s c h o l a r s h ip t h a t s t u d e n t s m a y r e c e i v e f r o m f e d e r a l, p r o v in c ia l o r o t h e r s o u r c e s .

For further information on awards and PhD or master's studies in the sciences or the humanities, please contact www.grad.uOttawa.ca

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Call for Nominations

TheStudents' SocietyofM cGillUniversitywelcomesnominationsforthefollowingpositions: O1 ■* C I #41£%B*i♦% ■ 1

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VP Clubs and Services VP Communications and Events VP Community and Government VP Operations VP University Affairs

and Undergraduate Student Senators

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T h e s p e c ia l

Get off your high horse

p lu m b e r's vibe ...

We have, I fear, confused power with greatness —Stewart L. Udall, US politician

any individuals on this campus see themselves as gifts fromthe heavens. They believe that they can walk on water, that they are invincible, that the rest of us should burn incense before them and gra­ ciously offer them human sacrifices. Accordingly, they think that we, as members of the student press, should devote our words to their biblical personas and accom­ plishments. What are we, some kind of public relations firmcatering to inflated egos? Not so much. Here, a real­ ity check for our supposed clients...

A certain SSMU captain. To be fair, when self-proclaimed gods overestimate their own importance, it's usu­ ally due to a lack of perspective. Undergrads lead very focused lives as student politicians, club executives, newspaper editors, what have you. As a result, some mis­ takenly—however unintentionally—start to believe the world revolves around what they do. The most amusing examples of this often occur in the presence of oft-quoted student leaders. This following scene has played out on more than one occasion in that fortress of egotism, the SSMU office. Having marched up to the front desk with notebook in hand, the reporter is dismissed by a SSMUshie with an arrogant "I don't have time for the press today"—before the intrepid journalist even has a chance to explain that she came to talk to someone else.

A handful of self-satisfied club ringleaders.

Whether from the Arab Students' Association or the McGill International Students Network, some presidents believe they can give orders to their slaves, the campus press. Quite simply, if a president speaks formally to a reporter, he should expect his statements will be printed.

Instead of throwing a temper tantrum when he sees his silly blatherings in print, he should redeem himself by behaving like the responsible, self-respecting holy thing he asserts himself to be. Specifically asking a reporter not to print something he said serves nothing and is just plain pathetic.

Some coverage-hungry student organizations.

Similar reasoning flows through the minds of some stu­ dent organization execs. They wholeheartedly believe that because the Tribune is published by SSMU, their clubs should be cast in a favourable light. That means tidying up harebrained thoughts, fixing rather comical mistake-laden quotes, treating routine events as "news," and maybe even letting the execs see a story pertaining to their self-serving guild before publication. If editors recruited news and features writers based on their adver­ tising experience, the Tribune would be a radically differ­ ent paper. Thankfully, they do not.

M

C L O T H I N G

Snooty administrative bodies. Other arrogrant groups have drummed up curiosity on the media's part, notably, the university senate. This is an enthralling forum—if you're a stiff. Crucial decisions about academ­ ics at McGill are made every few weeks, but only one budding journalist from the Daily and a couple from the Tribune dutifully sit in the gallery. "Who are you, and why are you taping this meeting?" is the scolding a keen writer will likely receive by a senator if caught—heaven forbidl—trying to actually quote the principal properly.

These same administrative lords will then call the office Tuesday morning demanding to know why their riveting comments were not accorded more space in our pages.

Random nobodies with too much time on their hands. Oddly enough, many students get a bit of a thrill out of being mentioned in a campus paper. But then there are the divas who gnash their teeth when the paper incor­ rectly prints information about their program. Factual errors need to be pointed out, but there is a limit to how angry one can reasonably get over them. When you consider that some countries have exonerated people after carrying out erroneous death sentences, being iden­ tified as a U2 Political Science student instead of a U3 Political Science student is not something to lose sleep over.

Professors convinced theirs is our only class . We must also address the transgressions of those who actual­ ly have some form of superiority on campus: our profes­ sors. It is generally understood that the time allotted for a lecture or a conference is the maximum amount of time that should be spent in the classroom. Generally under­ stood. Some profs feel inclined to squeeze in that extra sentence—or twenty—regarding a point that many stu­ dents feel is now irrelevant, as they attempt to gather suf­ ficient energy to book it totheir midterm in distant Stewart Bio. These same professors, so lulled by the sound of their own voices, will then expect their students to voluntarily show up to guest speaker series featuring—you guessed it—them. And they'll think it perfectly natural to request that the campus papers print full page ads advertising their brush with campus fame. The gall.

While the majority of people walking about campus are fully aware they are no more superior to their fellow humans, be they senators, student execs or that toothy lady at Veggierama, some need to take an exercise in humility before they go shooting their mouths off at anyone courteous enough to listen. We are neither their pub­ licists nor their sheep. In the end, there is only one to whom we are accountable, and that is Hansel. ■

LISETREUTLER

hout-outs to all my lovely guy pals, boyfriend, and my brother Harry But I'm sorry, guys, I must admit my dirty little secret there's only one true man in my life. He's not one of you—but I'm quite sure you've all made his acquaintance. You cheer for him in unison, you write drinking games centred on his actions, and you curse in vain when he's let you down. But I, my dears, cheer louder, hold my liquor better, and help him up when he's down. He's my true-blue, and his name is Mario.

His close friends call him "Super."

As a wee child, I took every opportunity to play my friends' clas­ sic NES Super Mario games. No matter how many times I lost—and lose I did—I was enchanted. That run! That powerl That magic mush­ room!... I'm talking about the pixilated kind that helps Mario grow, you know. Other kids could have their duck hunting fun with that bright orange gun. For me, I was hypnotized early on by that mous­ tache.

Nearing my double-digit years, I was finally granted a Super Nintendo game system, right around the time Super Mario RPG: Land of the Seven Stars was launched, and I sank my teeth right in! Within months, I'd acquired a most extensive knowledge of the game, com­ plete with all the tricks on how to win, a copy of the official player's guide so lovingly read it was falling apart, and all the in-jokes of the game: did you.know that there's a reference to Theodore Roosevelt hidden away in there?

For months, that game was my dream. Gorgeous graphics replaced my idolization of side-scrolling. My love and aptitude for Super Mario introduced me to the world of video game RPGs, an area in which I have been by far surpassed by Harry and his Final Fantasy collection. This is no huge loss, however, as soon enough I entered high school and my devotion to Mario took yet another leap.

Enter the N64—and later, GameCube—and the Mario Party series. Yes, folks, it's a game easy enough for children, but my friends and I ignored that fact and likely put our neighbourhood Blockbuster's employees' children through college renting the various versions before we finally thought to own copies. Oh, the Saturday nights spent glued to the controllers. Oh, how the crowds would stay to watch and cheer on the maximum of four playing. Oh, the fun we had!

Yes, we were devoted to our very own Mario parties. Some of us claimed our own characters tovicariously live through; believe me, the blood that was spilled when one tried to take another's character was quite an amount. I never, ever played as Mario—I chose Princess Toadstool's brunette sidekick or Yoshi, depending on the version. "But why?" you ask, considering my devotion. Ah, grasshopper, the wise always know to watch their idols in action and not lampoon them.

But what about now? Those copies of Mario Parly are far off in another world, and I believe Harry inherited the now-vintage Super NES. I am left with nothing more than a quest: to wait for spring to arrive, so that if my heating bill is left unpaid due to my yearning for all things Mario, my fingers will still be warm enough to use the con­ trollers. ■ S

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B ig B r o t h e r ? M o r e lik e P e e p i n g T o m JAMES SCARFONE

ver run into that old buddy of yours who tries to rise above everyone by remarking that we're all taking the lit­ tle things in life for granted? Well, that guy has a new statement: it's pretty much everything we're refusing to see these days.

Apparently, 1984 is upon us, give or take a couple decades. Even though we're not walking around with transmis­ sion devices embedded in our brains—a reasonably safe

some time, although most of us try not to entertain conspiracy theories, which seem to be the Western world's posiWatergate sport.

I will note, however, that we are growing accustomed to this turn of events. Whether it is due to increased knowledge of what really goes on or just our passivity, we are allowing others into our day-to-day routine without incident. This is the essence of that guy next door who would peep on "Hot Donna" every now and again in order to catch a glimpse of the girl's bra. Do we seem to be putting up a fight against S e c u r ity c a m e r a s a r e in t e n d e d to a c t a s a n e x tr a s e t this—ahem—force?

The cores of many major cities across North America are o f e y e s o n a p a r tic u la r lo c a t io n , b u t w e ' v e a ll r e a d now equipped with "security" cameras so that authorities can G e o r g e O r w e ll a n d s e e n O liv e r S t o n e m o v ie s . monitor the goings-on of predetermined crime-ridden areas.

They're intended to act as an extra set of eyes on a particular location, but we've all read George Orwell and seen Oliver assumption for most of us—we are under the watchful eye of Stone movies. Man invented the wheel to make transportation someone. It's either the government or that inane loner who easier. Man invented the phone to make communication more generates the evil computer worms. Alas, their projects could convenient. Man invented the television to make sitting down be intertwined. Of course, we've all been aware of this for doing nothing more pleasurable. We're just letting technology E

take its proper course here.

As we dive into a time when privacy is more willingly given up—witness the absurdity of the public toilet phenome­ non, where stall doors are getting noticeably shorter in length—we seem to no longer be sweating the small stuff, which is essentially a big plus. In a world marred by callous acts of violence, how can we possibly justify taking the little things so seriously?

It seems that worrying about the government eyeing our every move is a ridiculous notion with all that is going on these days. Orwell's groundbreaking novel was introduced during similar times. It can certainly be argued that US President George W. Bush's fear-mongering and witch-hunting ways are comparable to the infamous SenatorJoseph McCarthy's fear of communism.

However, we've already gone through this and it is pure­ ly exhausting to make the rounds again. Our qualms about los­ ing our privacy are no longer a threat to our mental health as we come to the realization that life as we know it is simpler than we ever thought. ■

M cG ill T rib u n e Curiosity delivers.

Editor-in-Chief

Natalie Fletcher editor@tribune.mcgill.ca Managing Editor

James Scarfone seniored@tribune.mcgill.ca News Editors

Jennifer Jett Laura Saba Lisa Varano tribnews@tribune.mcgill.ca Features Editors

Liz Allemang Panthea Lee features@tribune.mcgill.ca A&E Editors Daniel Chodos Lise Treutler arts@tribune.mcgill.ca

the mcgill tribune | 8.1.05 |opinion

Sacred cows

9

First prize?

JEFF ROBERTS

jeff. robe rts@elf. mcgill. ca hardly restricted to the big screen. Recently, the integrity of one of the world’s top literary awards world of prizegiving, standards of talent and was equally compromised by trans-Atlantic cat­ achievement are generally sacrificed to the more fighting. In 2 003, the choosers of the Man Booker serious demands of power and patronage. With prize (awarded to the best novel in the Oscar season upon us, it is worth reflecting on Commonwealth) surprised the literary community some of the more sordid considerations that give by choosing a relatively unknown writer as its recipient. It didn't matter that the book in question rise to society's greatest honours.

Pundits recently delighted in pointing out that was largely a shallow and stupid affair. What did Hollywood has chosen to snub Michael Moore by matter was that the Australian author had used his failing to even nominate his documentary for best text as a means of engaging in 3 0 0 pages of picture. The gesture was interpreted as the Oscar Texas-bashing. As a result, several truly great works committee directing a rebuke at their counterparts were ignored, and the Booker was awarded to a in Cannes, who declared that Fahrenheit 9 / 1 1 wasteof-time novel stuffed with unconvincing char­ was the best overall film of the year. In other acters and artificial dialogue. Once again, recog­ words, the movie elite in both France and America nition of talent and aesthetics took a backseat to decided to dispense with plot, dialogue, or cine­ the demands of petty bickering.

It is hardly fair, though, to single out the arts matography as criteria for awarding the highest honour in their craft. What mattered instead was community for perversion in prizegiving. W e need for France to use its movie prize as a means of giv­ only think back several years to recall now politics ing America the finger over the latter's adventure in made a farce out of humanity's greatest honour, the Iraq. In return, damned if America wasn't going to Nobel Peace Prize. In 2 0 0 0 , the Nobel became stoop to the same level by giving Michael Moore decidedly ignoble when it was awarded to the President of South Korea for his work in hosting a the finger in return.

This sort of politics-over-prettiness attitude is “Sunshine Summit” with the Dear Leader himself, n a perfect world, prizes and honours would go

I to those who deserve them most. But in the real

Kim Jong-ll. The intelligence community later revealed that the summit had taken place only because the South Korean president was desper­ ate for a political boost—in the form of a Nobel Peace Prize—to boost his flagging reelection cam­ paign. In order to accomplish this, a large cash bribe was paid to the demonic leader of North Korea. This Hail Mary gambit was ultimately suc­ cessful in assuring the reelection of the South Korean president, and also served to produce gushy feelings in millions of people. In the long run, it also put a very big stain on one of humani­ ty's most cherished prizes.

Perhaps the mendacity that lies behind so many awards of "greatness" should come as no surprise. Even much (though not all) of the distinc­ tion that is ladled around McGill does not repre­ sent objective recognition of talent or effort, but instead is awarded on the basis of scheming and self-selection. Be that as it may, prizes and honours must remain a part of any society; they serve to symbolize heroic visions of ourselves and are instrumental in our construction of meaning. Such a pity, then, that they are not more often awarded to the people who deserve them. ■

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ello everyone, I'm sorry but this week my coF umn duties are simply too much for my cat­ nap and Pernod lifestyle. I know, I should have thought these things through, but let me tell you this column writing is a by-the-seat-of-one's-pants affair: Within seconds, I g o from Jeremy mode to columnist mode, which is basically the same except I get to wear my comfy slippers. But no— this week is going to be informative. This week is going to be educational. This week is going to teach you a thing or tw o...

Laughing is understanding: A comedy in which our dear hero Professor Archibald Schmendrik, Esq., embarks on a quest to under­ stand humour, but instead ends up eating some cookies and getting bonked on the head with a duck.

Professor Schmendrik wants to understand the nature of comedy so he reads every single book on the subject till ne can no longer laugh, let alone giggle. A man was shipwrecked on a desert island lfor 10 years. O n e day a beautiful woman was washed ashore revived her and so good to me, you haven't had

on top of a barrel of beer. He she said, "Now that you've been I'm going to give you something for a long time." He stared at her

young nubile body and said, "I hope that there's beer in that barrel?" Professor Schmendrik

demands, "What is so funny? You college students and your alcoholic beverage fixation make me sick." He grimaces.

Said a young man to his randy wife, "Wife what shall w e d o —eat or make love?" She turns and smiles, "Whichever you like, there's no bread. "

The professor stares at his class, "What—what's funny about bread? I like baguettes and French rolls and croissants as much as the next Ph.D. cer­ tified gentleman, but what's funny about that?" He is clearly not amused by one of the oldest record­ ed jokes in history to be found in the Greek Philogelos.

The professor cries out in desperation. "But what is humour? Before I tackle the question, let me have some cookies. Mmm, cooookies. Right back to the lecture."

When one of his students suggests the nature of humour can be explained using Ben Affleck puns, the professor is positively dumbstruck. "There is absolutely nothing funny about Ben Affleck!"

Another student states that for true humour to exist, the writer must possess kindliness. Fair enough, thinks the professor. "In his essay 'Comedy,'

Georges Meredith writes that Molière's farces are superior to English comedy because they are empathetic," he lectures. "Then again, drama only exists so long as characters are placed in harm's way. This idea reaches its full fruition in G. Legman's two volume study The Rationale for the Dirty Joke, which goes so far as to say that all sex­ ual humour is a product of the male sadistic drive to dominate. The professor surveys the room before continuing his lesson. "Alan Dundees in his shorter 'Cracking Jokes' examines jokes as the pur­ veyors of taboo subjects. The more repressive the society, the funnier the humour. What is the differ­ ence between capitalism and communism? In cap­ italism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the other way around." Laughter erupts in the class.

Red faced, the professor erupts, "Hey who's laugh­ ing! Communism isn't funny."

A student hesitantly raises his hand to suggest that humour is more than kindliness or aggression; it is fun. The giggles of the oppressed rising up to fight the screeches of the executioners. Not all jokes are equal. But it is a ritual that is only under­ stood by the practitioner and the audience. The professor taps the lectern, "What's the punchline again?" Duck. "What?" Quaaack! ■

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Chad Ronalds

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ntil recently, I've always had this idea in my head that the beach­ es and the bars of summer-infest­ ed Australia are a better starting point for meeting lasses at this time of year than is the winter wonderland of Montreal. For starters, the simple act of checking out the bronzed, mini-skirt and bikini-wearing femmes du Perth as they stroll by is so much bloody easier than peering through the slit between your scarf and hat at the heavily rugged-up Michelin woman on the other side of rue Peel, all the while trying to avoid slipping on the icy sidewalk.

But as the mercury and pheromone-levels rise at a proportional rate on this side of the planet, I'm beginning to realize that all that is par­ adise is not necessarily Eden. You see, it occurred to me the other day, while at a bar with a few mates, that it's actual­ ly pretty tough to pick up in the summer-

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time. With the chemicals pumping uncontrollably in the brain and deep down in one's... cockles—or maybe the sub-cockle area, to quote Denis Leary—it becomes pretty hard to act in the cool, calm, and collected manner that is expected of modern suitors.

Whilst surrounded by a bevy of extraor­ dinarily sunny-looking belles at said bar, my friends and I got a kind of col­ lective brain freeze. Glued to the spot, none of us were able to move, never mind act upon our prior goals to pick up. It was just like standing in a really good ice-creamery, with every awe­ some flavour offered, and getting excessively flustered to the point of not being able to raise a finger to motion towards any of them, if you know what I mean.

After leaving the bar alone, each of us realized at almost the same time that we'd all been screwed by our own

hormones. After the despondency had passed, I began to wonder. If this had never happened during Management Carnival or SnOAP, when the sexy shorts and tanned skin weren't on dis­ play—and when my balls had gone into hibernation—why would it happen here? Maybe watching TV shows like The O .C ., where the weather is always great and there's always action goin' down, gives people a false idea about love and life in the sun. In my experi­ ence, it's just not that easy.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that Montreal in February is a much better place to find someone to snuggle up with for those looong, cold nights. So, next time you are feeling down about only seeing the sun for three hours a day, spare a thought for all of us down here stuck to the bedsheets in a humidityinduced paralysis... on our own. ■

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Forget the cherub-faced matchmaker, armed with heart-shaped boxes of Godiva, who bestows sickly-sweet romance upon throngs on enamoured men and women everywhere.

Now adays, February 14 is loathed by the m asses, and the few who do celebrate it put a saucy spin on this traditional holiday. Instead of Elizabethan love sonnets, or full-length nighties, couples exchange filthy limericks or crotchless panties. Sure romance may be on life-support, but it isn't dead yet. O ur grotty city may accom odate the filth, but it is possible to celebrateâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or boycottâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;V-Day in a w ay that is sure to tickle your fancy.

1 2 feature [ 1 9 .0 4 ] the mcgill tribune

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is n 't d e a d ,

it 's j u s t b e e n

r e lo c a te d

f you don t ask, you don t get. Thats the maxim many twentysomething girls embrace when it comes to dating nowa­

I days From batting a lash, to sparking conversations, to initiating sex, the gals are in the drivers seat and no one is

entirely sure what to think of it. Has femininity gone awry? Are guys losing their backbone? Is chivalry switching it up? Girls have become the authors of their own love stories, assuming dating roles that have traditionally been taken up by men. At McGill, quickwitted, ambitious girls make up 5 7 .4 per cent of the student body, look out, traditional­ ism, many a maiden is vying for your coveted throne.

The rise of Ms. Assertive With intellectual capital becoming the new social currency, young women are increasingly driven towards careers and success, becoming ever more confident as a result. Accustomed to assertiveness at school and at play, this generation of girls has extended its bold attitudes to the dating realm. In fact, some of these girls feel forwardness is the only way to snag boys who might otherwise be intimidated by their drive and accomplishments. Some experts, notably McGill Sociology Professor Elaine Weiner, think it's about time young women step up to the plate.

"Is it really fair that all the angst of rejection be borne only by men?" she asks. "Women have long been demand­ ing equality in a multitude of arenas, but realms such as dating and courtship have lagged behind in terms of real, meaningful change. Rather than waiting passively to be 'asked out,' women should absolutely be playing a more active role in choosing whom they date as well as upending the various male-dominated conventions that accom­ pany traditional dating patterns."

According to Berkeley Kaite, a feminist cultural studies professor with McGill's English department, women who initiate contact allow their potential suitors to see them beyond their image and credentials, thus dodging inequality in relationships. Isn t that what we want, anyway: to meet someone as human beings and not cultural categories?"

Claire Smith a U3 Psychology student, has no problem asking guys out. She believes that making the first move precludes pointlessly wondering whether a prospective guy is interested. "How is he ever going to know you're inter­ ested unless you drop a hint? Just ask him out—it saves time. The absolute worst that could happen is he says no and that's not so bad, is it?"

The beau backlash As the new kid on the block, however, AAs. Assertive is often eyed with suspicion. Though overhauling dating rituals is an important step towards gender equality, it is not necessarily something everyone endorses.

For some reason men generally still don t respond well to women who ask them out," notes Alison James, author of the upcoming The 10 Women You II Be Before You re 35, an account of the various identities women adopt throughout their formative years. "Some authors argue that men still like to 'hunt,' as archaic as that sounds. I think some men still perceive women who ask as needy and sometimes view it as an opportunity to take advantage of a woman."

Fearing they might be emasculating or else estranging their dates, many young women can't help but see their boldness as a liability, notes Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington.

Gracia Jalea, a U3 Cultural Studies and World Religions student, believes that while most guys appreciate intelligence and confidence in a girl, these attributes can be overwhelming when measured against stereotypically "female" qualities.

"I still think that most men expect traditional gender roles to be observed in a relationship," she asserts. "I believe that many men are threatened by women who are more intelligent, independent, and who possess a healthy sexual appetite that exceeds their own. In most, if not all, the situations I've been involved in, I have taken on the more dominant role and have often found myself 'wearing the pants' in the relationship."

This is hardly surprising. Sandwiched between traditionalist father fig­ ures and cool female college friends, many boys are unsure whether they want the ideal lady their predecessors sought or this new brand of strongwilled woman.

In extreme cases, some universityciged men are choosing the über tra­ ditional path, becoming members of Latin American couple agencies like they're blunt they're saucy and they can't spell "definitely" to save their skulls Barranquilla's Best, which pairs off its customers with young, "uncomplicat­ ed, very feminine" partners. As N e w York Times columnist Maureen Dowd observes, this regression to traditional gender roles is mirrored by Do you think it's weird if a girl asks you out? "Girls ask chivalry are dead, but if a girl wants to wear her ovaries on popular movies like Love Actually, in which alpha men are attracted to their guys out? Never heard of it. I have, however, been asked the outside by all means. Conversely, if they start getting secretaries and maids, rather than their successful wives and coworkers. for sex on a few occasions. At first I was really flattered, a little too strong-willed, just remind them: men don't sit to "Art is imitating life," says Dowd, "turning women who seek equality into but before I could express it she said I had to p a y her. I told pee." selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection." her where to stuff it, and she gave me a quote on that, too."

In more ordinary, everyday cases, assertive girls are simply forces too • "Absolutely not—more girls need to step up. Be bold, On a first date, are you ever worried that a girt might unpredictable to be reckoned with. ladies 3 0 years from now, floppy boobs and a saggy ass think you're acting sexist? "I'm never unsure how to act Unless they are too outspoken to the point of arrogance, they can won t get the job done like it used to." • "It's intimidating for because I always try to be myself. If some dumb chick has behave pretty much however they want and I'll hide behind my mother's a girl to ask for a date or for sex straight up. It's better when her chastity belt on too tight, and she thinks I'm being a sex­ skirt, admits Dan Kovacek, a U3 Mechanical Engineering student. girls hint at it to let you know they are interested. They can ist jerk, well... she's probably right." • "Chicks like sexist The problem is that forward girls tend to expect more from their dates give you a little something like, 'What are you doing this guys who are jerks." • "I just try to be myself and hope she because they are used to getting what they want in other areas of life. weekend? W e should for sure hang out sometime.' (Read: sees something she likes. If she doesn't see anything she Alternatively, more inhibited girls relinquish the reins to the boys.

'I want your shit hardcore styles.')" • "The less 'catty' bull­ likes, I usually chalk it up to the increasing popularity of les­ A shy girl is definitely a turn-on. It is human nature to pursue that which shit, the better. But there are girls who haven't got a clue. bianism and move on." retreats from us,” says Dan Green, a U3 Philosophy student. "However, if These poor little beefcakes are too much. Female versions a girl is too aloof, she runs the risk of being unapproachable." of Rush limbaugh are bad, bad, bad."

Would you say guys are generally turned on by forward So hows a girl to teeter-totter between overpowering and standoffish? gals? "They 'feel' the bold beauties. What's not to like? At Are confident girls more attractive than shy girls? the end of the day, it's all about the sex. Bros need hos and Mesdemoiselles in hot pursuits "Definitely more attractive, as long as they don't hit, or throw chicks need dicks. It's been the same story since the dawn Recent research indicates that AAs. Assertive's plight is slowly chang­ things." • "There's definitely nothing wrong with a confident of time." • "Guys definitely prefer more aggressive girls as ing- A go-getting attitude is outflanking more obvious features like physical girl as long as she doesn't come off as desperate. Ladies, the night wears on. The average male's attention span appearances. if you don't think you can be confident without looking too drops exponentially with the number of beers ingested.

Common wisdom holds that men are socially programmed and bio­ desperate, make sure you catch him when he's drunk." • "It Unless hes been chasing you all night, if you don't get logically compelled to select women based on beauty and youth, physical doesn't matter if the girl is forward, outspoken, or challeng- aggressive around 2am he's either going home alone or traits that signal reproductive health," affirms Deborah Siegel, a research ing, it matters if shes annoying." • "Girls who are outspo­ with someone else." • "My friends are turned on by all girls scholar at the Barnard Center for Research on Women. "But many men ken and challenging aren't less feminine but they definitely as long as they are hot. Most girls are chill to hang out with, today date across and, increasingly, up' the axes of education and aren't as attractive as a girl who is passive and is willing to but when you can tell that they're going to need to start see­ achievement, with less regard for age, or for the notorious 'arm candy' fac­ listen and have a friendly discussion without challenging ing a shrink after they graduate university—or possibly tor." any claim you make." • "Strong-willed girls are a-okay. If beforehand—it's peace out, man. Guys don't want to deal Though the mould for relationships between equally strong partners you're lucky enough to be nabbed by one of these lasses— with girls who have files." has yet to be formed, it is in definitely in the works. hold on tight and enjoy the ride. I'm not saying the days of -N F It is quite difficult in this day and age, when gender roles are more

the mcgill tribune j 8 .2 .0 5 j feature ] 3

RANTS

AND

RAVES

boys are scared o f m e KAT N EVILLE hat girl, she's a handful," "She's crazy," "Too much for

T me." I remember wondering during my first year at uni­

BY

NATALIE

FLETCHER

ambigious, to be involved in a relationship where the power dynamics are at an equilibrium/' saysjalea. “Learning from my past experiences, I now look for a guy who feels lucky to be with me, but who also thinks he deserves me.

And I am beginning to realize that they do exist."

At McGill, there are plenty. Kovacek, for instance, does, not believe that femininity has anything to do with being forward or outspoken.

"To me, these behaviours show not how feminine a girl is, but how mature and confident she is," he says. "A girl who is not afraid to speak— and act—her mind, but also possesses the ability to do so with tact is incred­ ibly attractive."

Graeme Fraser, a U3 Anthropology student, echos this sentiment.

"Confidence is an attractive characteristic for almost all women. Outspoken and forward girls seem to get what they want, when they want it.

But is this kind of assertiveness intimidating?

"Not at all," says Nathaniel Smith, a U3 IDS student. "I think it takes some of the stress off guys' shoulders, makes things easier for us.

The new chivalry With girls becoming the serenades, chivalry has obviously had to trans­ form itself to keep up. Some guys confess to feeling unsure how to act around assertive girls because they're concerned that overly "gentlemanly" behaviour will make them seem sexist.

"There is a bit of a grey area, but you can generally figure out what kind of treatment the girl wants from you quite quickly," says Smith. "Honestly, if you are being too gentlemanly around a strong-willed girl, she will let you know!

"It's all about good intuition," confirms Michelle, a U3 Marketing and Organizational Behaviour student who feels the new chivalry is about consid­ eration and self-worth.

Michael Perez, an Engineering student who works for McGill's Speed Dating Club, agrees.

"We believe that chivalry, while not dead, has evolved into mutual polite­ ness and respect," he affirms. "The old tradition of the man asking out the woman doesn't apply in speed dating, since both participants play an equal­ ly active role in indicating their interest. Then again, at our events, the women stay seated while the men circulate."

It is for this latter reason that James believes girls today are lucky—they are straddling the old and the new.

"The truth is that women really have the best of both worlds right now," she maintains. "We have opportunity and equality, but men still feel compelled to hold the door for us out of respect. I think our society will, in the near term, remain a blend of these traditional and progressive elements."

The future of hunting What will be the outcome of our generation's dating rituals? Whether it's an imposed or intrinsic desire, most girls want to be mothers and wives in addition to being career women. In relationships, they are hovering between being pushovers and being pushy. Will love become less important as self-ful­ fillment and self-actualization take on greater roles in both men and women s lives?

Weiner doesn't think so. "In seeking self-ful­ fillment and self-actualization, aren't we looking, to some extent, for love?" she asks. Still, Weiner cau-

lions against selfhood becoming selfishness. "This growing emphasis on self endangers love only in that love which endures embod­ ies a mutuality; in other words, one's preoccu­ pations cannot solely be directed inward."

The key, according to James, is for a girl to "be the person she's comfortable being."

Forjalea, that means assuming responsibility for her dating life. "I'm not used to waiting idly around for things to happen to me and I refuse to wait until I'm cho­ sen."

She's not alone. Ms. Assertive is on the prowl, and tra ditionalism is her latest prey. ■

versity why it was that I couldn't get dates. I wasn't too worried—I was content and excited with my freedom and was happy to enjoy the company of my friends and an occasional one night bed friend.

I liked going out, having some drinks, flirting, talking, causing trouble—you know, the kind of entertainment that one must create for oneself once the tedium of clubbing starts to set in.

One day, I was chatting with my roommates about some mutual friends, and I admitted that I thought "so-andso" was cute. They laughed, and told me that just a few days ago, my crush had mentioned he thought I was too much of a handful." What the hell does "too much of a handful" mean? Apparently, I was too wild, too dominant.

Simply put, I was scary. This came as a shock to me, and it's a problem that I still apparently suffer from now, three years later. I mean, what is it that makes me scary?

Could it be that I smile all the time? That I can't dance worth a shit? Or maybe that I am a complete pushover and have difficulty saying no? Perhaps it's the alcoholism. In any event, something makes me scary.

For a while, I blamed my ex-boyfriend. He was strong-willed, argumentative, and the most dominant per­ son I had ever had a relationship with. Because of him, I developed a stubborn, forceful attitude that some say is only appropriate for a man. Date-free for more than six months now, I have had a lot of time to contemplate my

—

seeming inability to attract guys. Luckily (or at least luckily for me] I share this dateless affliction with many of my friends. I'm not sure what brings us all together—maybe it's our excessive same-sex time. Or maybe we have some mutual pheromone that draws us to one another while, at the same time, repelling guys. I mean, we're all smart, good-looking, interesting people (at least, we think so). It's got to be the chemicals, right?

What I really think is, most guys aren't looking for a strong, ambitious, well-spoken woman who has a mind that might clash with their own. What they really want is some­ thing more old-fashioned and typically "female," a relation­ ship in.which they can be the protector, provider, and men­ tor. What kind of scary girl needs that kind of man?

Most times, I'm too busy to think about all this, but I'm often forced to remember when chatting with my father. Our required weekly phone call usually goes like this: "Hi Dad, what's new?" "Not much. Do you need any money?" "No, I'm alright." "Okay, good." Pause. (I think he's watching TV.) "Are you seeing anyone?" he asks. "No." "Oh... well, I don't understand why. You're great. What's wrong with these guys?" "I don.'t know Dad... but thanks for bringing it up."

It's definitely easier to believe the guys I'm after are just scared, especially in a world where all my bright, sexy, passionate friends are still looking for someone to share their lives with. I'd rather think they're scared than dwell on my clearly defective personality. So, I'll continue to do my thing, and hope that once they've grown up a little, these boys will see the value of us scary girls. Until then, I will have to be feisty alone in my bed. At least my vibrator loves

boys are scared o f m e, to o

BRODY BRO W N t's not just boys who have been scared of me, but their

I daddies, brothers, uncles, cousins, and grandfathers are

too. I've been thrashing around in the gay dating pool since my mid-teens, so I've had my fair share of beaus and enough notches on the bedpost for someone to mistake it for a hieroglyphic manifesto. But besides the amount I ve dated —to put it nicely—there are a number of other factors that make my would-be suitors shake in their Kenneth Coles.

In my pre-legal years—and even one or two after I turned L8—my own homosexual father was extremely pro­ tective. With a merciless head of household keeping the key and lock of my chastity belt under lock and key—he was that efficient— men were terrified to call the house, to be caught looking at me, or to be caught out on the town with Steve Brown's <gasp!> sonl Luckily the noose around my neck was slightly loosened around my 18th birth­ day, when I was let down from the tower and allowed out among the people: I came to McGill.

While I didn't run into any trouble hunting and gathering my men in this upper North American climate, I seemed to have more difficulty trap­ ping them and keeping them. In the first few years of boyfriend-drought, used to console myself with that Jimmy Soul song, the one where he warns men that if they wanna be happy for the rest of their lives, then they'd better snag themselves snaggletoothed women. And it's true. The problem of hav­ ing the prize piggy as one's boo is that your trophy spouse is so pretty and dazzling, he attracts every jealous, low-life player who wants to break into your trophy case, grab your boy and run.

Oh, the curse of beau­ ty—it was driving the men awayl (Really though, when I thought I was in a league of my own I was dangerously underfed, was often losing the battle with

teenage skin crises, and had intensely angry drag queen eyebrows. You can tap that, but you can't bring it home to Momma.) So what was the deal? I've always played nice with other boys, though I think that's why people get scared and their boyfriends get suspicious. Perhaps I've played a little too nice. "You're trouble," some have said, "I'm scared to be alone with you." Why, because you think if we're alone I'll try to convert you to Satanism or force you, at rusty knifepoint, into compromising positions? How could anyone find me "intimidating?" W hy have I been walking around for the past six years with my retinas dry­ ing out, trying to constantly maintain "doe eyes," and with my gums getting chapped, preserving a dopey smile? To be called intimidating and scary?

The real problem is that I'm easily misclassified, and I let this poor judgment perpetuate. It's like straight guys want­ ing to date either a tomboy, a ho, or a girly girl—in Gayville, most often there are certain breeds of gay that a man desires, and, well, I'm no purebred.

I'm scary because I don't fit in a box very comfort­ ably—and I mean that figuratively, you sexual deviants. I scare off the intellectuals with my love for trashy celeb mags and glamour and I repel the pretty airheads because I don't want to spend all our weekends watching Britney videos on repeat, only getting up to pee or go out dancing. It becomes more complex when you involve age demo­ graphics as well. Older men are confused because I'm young, but I don't act like a twink. And though the body's still boyish, I'm as hairy as any bear at the local leather hangout. With the young'uns, I can't tolerate even a hint of foolish puppy love or anything that seems goofier or more immature than something I'd do. And sure, I blame exboyfriends. There were those who wanted me to be child­ ishly needy and passive, while others begged me to be sadistically independent and engage in violent praying mantis sex—I swear I've never bit the whole head off, only a few bites and some mild mauling of the face and upper torso.

I blame my friends, who are scarily protective and with whom I've developed overly physically affectionate relationships. It doesn't make it any easier to approach me when my friend's looking at you like, "Make one more pass at Brody and I'll saw off your nasty mug and send it back to your worthless mother." And because I'm not totally delu­ sional, in the end, I blame myself—for being such a sexually-aggressive youth, for thrusting myself into a premature aging path, for failing to control the image I've projected over the years and for passively allowing others to judge me based on if. It still might be a while until I do anything to fix the way I come across to boys. Until then, I'm pretty certain I'll be fairly well satisfied with a string of three-minute boyfriends. ■

1 4 feature j 1 9 .0 4 j the mcgill tribune ver try to contextualize snippets of conversations you hear when passing people in the street? Try this one: "...I don't know, lately I've just been so desensitized to porn, it's just starting to..." Believe it or not, that seemingly shy girl from your Stats class has seen so much porn, it no longer has an effect on her. Lately, conversa­ tions on how "boring" pom has become seem to be taking place everywhere. Has porn permeated our lives so much that we are starting to get bored with what used to be a thrill?

Pornography—the depiction of erotic behaviour or images intended to cause sexual arousal— has always been around in one form or another. One of the oldest pieces of art discovered is a small 24,000-year-old limestone figurine of a woman whose sexual charms seem to have been intentional­ ly accentuated. The word pornography itself comes from the Greek pom ographos, meaning "to write about prostitutes."

Surviving works from antiquity include writings about the daily lives and professions of early prostitutes, presumably meant to sexually arouse its readers.

Distinctions between porn and art have often been blurred. Overt sexual references appeared in 14th century texts like Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and Boccaccio's Decameron, which were among the first-ever printed books in Europe. Although these books are now considered literary masterpieces, various morally righteous groups have dis­ missed them as pornographic over the years. Less than a year after the first cinematic projection in 1 8 9 5 , Louise Willy, a French actress, stripped for the camera in the film Le Bain.

The myriad of media we have at our disposal today has enabled porn to grow from simple sculptures and paintings to erotic literature, photographs, and videos. It has evolved from obvious depictions of women and heterosexual sex to repre­ sentations of any and all sexual thoughts, from bondage to bestiality.

In 2 0 0 3 , one-third of the porn industry's US$57-billion worldwide revenue came from adult videos, while a relative­ ly low $ 2 .5-billion was made from Internet porn. This figure does not, however, account for porn that is shared or down­ loaded illegally on the W eb.

The Internet, of course, has made it all too easy. About 7 2 million people worldwide visit pornographic W eb sites every year, according to statistics from the online research site Internet Filter Review.

Laurence O'Toole, author of Pornucopia: Porn, Sex, Technology and Desire (Serpent's Tail, 1998) believes that porn and the Internet have been responsible’ for each other's growth.

"All the porn out there in cyberspace, the soft core and hard core, pictures of porn sirens... all this online raunch, helped to make the Internet grow, and made it sexy," he writes.

In exchange, he says, the "hip new" Internet phenome­ non has served to make porn more widely acceptable and has expanded its audience. O'Toole argues that the conven­ ience and anonymity of the Internef has caused even those who would never go near a sex shop or a red-light district to give porn a try.

And indeed, it has worked. Internet Filter Review reports that 28 per cent of the visitors to pornographic sites are

E

turning it on and tuning it out is p o r n

s ta r tin g

to

g e t b o r in g ?

BY

PORN

LAURA

SABA

www.nifty.org. When Queen, w e turn to the

PICKS

a w a r d in g

in d e c e n c y

LIZ A L L E M A N G & B R O D Y B R O W N here is nothing quite like a Hallmark holiday earmarked for

T romance that makes you want to flock to the nearest Sexe Cité

boutique and stock up on terribly unromantic products. For many of you singletons, porn will factor into your V-Day plans, whether or not you Ire about it like Lindsay Lohan does about her "growth spurt." Couples on their final leg who decide that they need one last spicy hurrah will also likely indulge in naughty vids for inspiration. So as a service to the community at large, we've sorted through the riffraff and review some of the best bets for your enjoyment.

Best Stereotypical Porn That Will Simultaneously Get You O ff and Make You Laugh: Layover. The plot doesn't exactly make sense, nor is the script even remotely cohesive. It starts off promis-' ing enough: Janine, the star of it all, goes to a costume party, and by costume, we don’t mean sexy nurses schmoozing with cuminducing cowboys—you can lasso us any day. Alas no, we mean tackyass masks, not unlike those we were forced to wear for our Commedia del'arte unit in high school drama class that itched like hell and were totally unsexy. The poor choice in accessories is for­ given because of ail the raunchy sex, however. Girl on girl, girl on guy, girl on girl on guy, girl with foreign object lodged where the sun don't shine. For some reason, instead of relishing in post-coital bliss, Janine concludes that someone is out to kill her—no, you're never told why—and that she needs to jump town. Thus, our lead­

ing lady hops on a flight during which several people get very friendly and engage in a little mid-flight, afternoon delight. The jet makes an emergency landing, leaving the passengers stranded in the middle of nowhere for the night. They mostly chill at the local bar, where many of these strangers make do with their surroundings, getting down and dirty all over the dive. Our favourite part— aside from the Oscar-worthy talent and fine wardrobe choices— is the threesome that occurs on the bar stage involving a very large... wait for it... American flag. So freakin' classy, it makes us forget that we're watching an adult movie and think that we're viewing a patriotic epic about small-town America. W e feel like Springsteen's "Born in the USA" should be blasting, but well settle for the porn beats (bow chicka wow wow]. Spoiler alert: In between her shenanigans on dance floor ,and pool table, Janine quickly gathers that her co-passengers might in fact be the same cast of characters from her party, only sans masks. Is Janine really in danger? Will her secrets be exposed? Will the barkeep disin­ fect the whole place after these Colin Farrell-calibre sex addicts have departed? That, dearies, is for us to know and you to find out.

Best Erotic Stories Site: Nifty Erotic Stories Archive at

we tire of Crouching Tranny, Hidden Drag porn without all the pretty pictures. And this archive offers tons of free smutty stories: bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, and urn... a bestiality section. But don't be turned off by the animal lovers' collection. (Insert joke about heavy petting here.) You can find everything your heart desires! And, if you're trying your hand at writing porn, you can submit your magnum opuses here, too. We're not just recommending this site, we use it! They've got everything from vanilla leg-humping to the freaky ass stuff that even we get squeamish discussing. There are more erotic stories here than you could read in your entire lifetime.

Though sorting through the archives can be a bit daunting, you'll find some delightful work up in here. Sure, you can read about getting tied up, beaten and boinked by a couple of tough-talking cops, but you'll also find "Stories Involving Erotic (Possibly Fetish) but Non-Sexual Activities," "Stories Set in Rural or Rustic Locales," and 'Stories Set in the Non-Recent Past." Don't pretend you haven't fantasized about Marie Antoinette having her way with you. .

Best Self-Indulgent Pornstar Sexposé: Sex: The Annabel Chong Story. Not so much porn as a pornumentary, The Annabel Chong Story is an interesting look at an industry in which many of

the mcgill tribune |8 .2 .0 5 j feature 1 5

BESTIALITY'S

women, but that 7 0 per cent of these women keep such activ­ ities secret. Thanks to the Internet, women can now access pom os they wish, without having to worry about the social and cultural stigma attached to being a female in pursuit of sex-related diversions.

As a result, pom is becoming increasingly geared towards women, and women are starting to produce instead of appear in it.

"Technology is making it increasingly possible for women to both control the use of their images and reap the benefits, explains Frederick S. Lane 111, author of O b scen e Profits. The Entrepreneurs of Pornography in the Cyber A ge (Routledge,

ROOTS

2000).

Porn has tapped a whole new market tor the past decade, and if men have not tired of sexual images for the past 2 5 0 centuries, it is unlikely that women will do so any time soon.

At the end of the day, rather than become boring, porn has the advantage of being able to adapt to the interests of its audience.

O'Toole predicts that instead of widely-feared scenarios in which virtual sex and machines cause us to become alien­ ated from each other, pom will continue to serve as a constant variation and expansion of our sexual fantasies.

"Abundance won't necessarily make a person sad," he writes.

W hile porn has lost much of its "taboo" character and we can no longer get off on the idea that it is illicit, technolo­ gy has shown us that there will always be newer, more engag­ ing way to experience it.

Maybe all that women needed was a different genre. ■

A L L IS O N G R A H A M

P H O T O S BY IW O N A LINK

us are invested but few know much about. It is worth watching because of the access such a flick grants us into the exclusive, elu­ sive, and often disturbing adult film business. In a world where inter­ changeable busty, bottle-blondes rule, Singaporean Chong inevitably stands out—she's a self-proclaimed feminist and has a master's from University of Southern California. But the uniqueness that got her to the top is ultimately what leads to her downfall. If you are not familiar with her films, you might have heard her stats.

Chong temporarily held the record for worlds biggest gang-bang, a publicity stunt in which she invited camera crews to watch as she had sex with 251 men over 10 hours. The scene is hardly erotic, even if group sex is your thing. It is painful and uncomfortable to watch, despite the remotely comical bits. Most amusing is watch­ can be passed off as "art." Mwahahal W e have no idea^ how ing some of her fans—many of whom look the part of the self plea good the team is, but we were delighted to find that there isn t one suring, comic book store owner participate in her record-breaking fugly duckling in this group. W e can only flip through this calendar romp. One man in particular, a pasty, gawky fellow, who most like­ when we're alone, trying to maintain consciousness as we whim­ ly lives in his parents' basement, attempts to pleasure Chong,^who per and sweat our way through it. Oh Domenici! Dear, sweet quickly turns around and says, "What the fuck are you doing? You Jacquetl And Bisaro Jean-Marie's hot hairy ass! Unfortunately, can see the poor guy shrink back inside of himself as he apolo­ we've never seen anything after M ay... we cant seem to get gizes, voice cracking, before sulking off. By the end though, she is through the whole calendar. Buy it, or give one to a gaylord you in tears, and shortly after her stab at fame another actress bests her p h i by bedding even more men. Though not the movie to watch is you love.

Best Example of Harnessing Girl Power (So To Speak) and are looking to have a quick jizz, Sex is an honest if not brilliant look Shaking Things Up: Bend over Boyfriend 2 : Early to Bed. Okay, into the unglamourous and slightly desperate life of a pomstress okay. We'll admit it. W e only rented this flick because the title was who is both disgusted by and addicted to the industry. too damn entertaining to pass up. For us, Bend O ver Boyfriend 2 Best Calendar for Man-Loving Homdogs: Dieux du Stade at conjured up images of some wholesome yet slightly risqué teen flick http://boutique.stade.fr. We're suckers for men with muscles but from the 1950s in which everyone goes to a beach party and Frances rugby team is a pack of cock-teasing whores. That's right, sings. And the prospect of campy California surf porn was interest­ we said it. These men put the "ho” into homoerotic. The boys strip ing. Upon viewing, though, our hopes were dashed. The porn is, down to their birthday suits, get oiled up, and pose for all avid in fact, quite modern, and there are no showy song-and-dance sports fons. Excopt for that lost little port. This calendor and the numbers. Bend O ver Boyfriend is all about role reversal, the Making O f... DVD is definitely not targeted to ladies who happen women do the thrusting, and the guys bend over and take it. In all to like penis. No, this endeavour was aimed right between the honesty, an hour of girl penetrating boy can be a little much if it eyes of the gays-with-money market. W e say, don t bother buying ain't your fetish, but we were curious and intrigued. While the orig­ the 20 0 5 shot-in-colour DVD, since the 2 0 0 4 shot-in-B&W DVD

inal Bend O ver Boyfriend was more of an instructional video on the art of strap-on usage—which, by the way, is also decent for femmes looking to try a little dildo/harness love with their lady friends—this sequel is all about knockin' boots. Four couples, suffi­ cient oral, enough booty to go around, minimal storyline and plen­ ty of dirty talk for those of us who are sailors at heart—we were overall quite pleased with this pick. If you take nothing else away from it, the very fact that the film is about switching up roles and try­ ing something new is a valuable message. Further, you gotta respect a girl who can maneuver a dildo... not an easy task.

Best Guys Who Claim To Be Straight But Are At (The Very) Least Gay For Pay: SeanCody.com. There are some killer videos on this W eb site... and when we say killer, we mean both good and bad. To start with the good, Patrick and Garrett is a beautiful film because 2CTyear-old brunette-and-about-as-bisexual-as-RosieO'Donnell Garrett and moans-likea-bitcfryou'd-never-guess-he-justbroke-up-with-his-girlfriend Patrick go at it like two sex-starved piglets. Dee-lish! Between Patrick's lovely unit and Garrett's pelvic thrusting skills, we stayed on the verge of tears throughout the entire video. Simply stunning. The best thing about Sean C o d y is that the guys ore all hot, and the fairly believable acts they engage in have mass appeal. N o one's getting covered in Windex and lit on fire here, and there are tons of hunks to choose from. Fuckfest 4 is also praiseworthy, but we'd be lying if we told you we checked out 1, 2, or 3. One can't win every time though: Eric and Dylan's Experiment made us softer than pudding. N o noise making, noth­ ing remotely deviant... one of the boys even wore his watch while they did the dirty. It was so quiet we didn't even know it had begun playing on our porn-cluttered computer screen. Sean Cody's status as porn god was reclaimed, however, when we stumbled upon a clip of a facial that Wes so generously gives to Grady. By the end of the film, Wes, who usually enjoys oral and anal sex with petite redheaded females, has this to say about Grady's skillful playing of the skin flute: "[It was] different but, uh, a lot better than when a girl does it though." Cha-ching! And another one converted! ■

w

feature |8 .2 .0 5 |the mcgill tribune

images

STUDENT

SURVEY

what you

r e a lly

think about the ins-and-outs of sex, love and dating

On Valentine's Day...

On love..

D o y o u h a v e s o m e o n e s p e c ia l fo r F e b r u a ry 1 4 ?

55%

YES

44%

NO

45%

NO

56%

H ave you ever been unfaithful?

NO 64%

lik e V a le n tin e 's D a y ?

YES

O n dating...

On sex...

D o y o u g e n e ra lly H a v e y o u e v e r b e e n in love?

NO 23% ! ... h a v e b ro k e n a

Nervous much? 19.8 per cent of respon­ dents employ the aid of dating charms.

2 2 .5 per cent of respondents say that they don't act like themselves on first dates.

4696

h a v e s ta lk e d o r b e e n u s u a lly o b se ssed w ith som eone.

Nasty and nice: 3 1 .8 4 per cent of students have been stood up, while 18 .0 per cent admit to having stood someone else up.

METHODOLOGY: THIS STUDYWAS CONDUCTED OVER A ONE-WEEK PERIOD. THE SURVEYWAS PUTONLINE ATWWW.QUESTIONPRO.COM—214 MCGILL STUDENTS |UCHJ3) COMPLETED IT.

O h you romantics!

4 4 .4 per cent believe in love at first sight and 6 3 .6 per cent believe in soulmates.

h e a rt, w h ile ...

/

O

^ -

/ O

...h a v e h a d f h e ir h e a r t s tr a m p le d o n .

D o y o u th in k lo n g -te rm m o n o g a m y is possible?

Slut alert: 39.1 per cent have slept with people they randomly met at a bar, club or party, and 1 0.7 per cent have done the deed without knowing their part­ ner's name... but only 5.1 per cent have had an STD. The rest of you are very, very lucky.

If y o u re a lly lik e th e p e rs o n y o u a r e d a tin g , h o w q u ic k ly d o y o u ty p ic a lly p u t out?

17%

one flight one w eek

YES NO

Going to the chapel, baby: 63.3 per cent said they would be unhappy if they never got marrieiea.

2 6 %

one montE 1 -6 m o n th s

9%

6+

m on ths

j

the mcgill tribune j 8 .2 .0 5 j feature ] J E R O T IC

M A D LIBS

A

t first I thought that Wednesday seemed like any other post-school afternoon. But ah, how looks can deceive. I came home that day, one of my last days of senior year, racing through downtown and onto the way, as usual in the SUV mumsy and dad had bought for me as a bribe to not rat them out to the feds for___________ (TYPEOF CRIMINAL FELONY). True, I may have been going a lit­ tle faster than usual... did I forget to mention that my ___________ (SIBLING'S/ HOLLYWOODSTYLE FITNESS I.E. POLE DANCING ETC. INSTRUCTOR) was also in the car, performing ___________ (NOUN/ACT) on____________ (HIM/HERSELF).

But my other half,___________ (GIRL'S NAME), was cool with that kind of stuff... at least, I think she was. We never official­ ly discussed it, but I could tell because of the way she ___________ (PAST TENSE VERB) when we ___________ (PAST TENSE VERB) in the ___________ (AREA ON A FARM).

And, that look in her___________ (BODY PARTS) also reas­ sured me that she wouldn't have too much of a problem if I ___________ (WHAT OLD MOTHER HUBBARD'S DOG WANTED FROM THE CUPBOARD + D) around. After all, she was my ____________ '(TYPE OF NONACADEMIC HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER) and she had a whole___________ (TYPEOF BUILD­ ING full of PEOPLE WITH BAD REPUTATIONS to SMUTTY PRESENT TENSE VERB).

So I pulled into the driveway only to see our __________ (FAMILY PET) taking it in the ___________ (BODY PART) from the Mitchell family's___________ (ANOTH­ ERPETANIMAL). Damn, and I thought that stuff only happened in comics and when I took too many ___________ (PILL NAME, MULTIPLE). I would have stayed to watch, but out of the corner of my eye I saw that the front door was open. Which could mean only one thing. Daddy was home! Yay! I hadnt seen him since the night Momma burnt the--------------- _ (DISH OF FOOD) o n ___________ (HOLIDAY) when he threat­

58% i i

%

...o f g irls h a v e fa k e d o rg a s m s . F o r g u y s , th e n u m b e r d ro p s to ...

o f re s p o n d e n ts h a v e b e e n v id e o ta p e d d u rin g sex. o f re s p o n d e n ts h a v e h a d c y b e r sex.

34%

o f re s p o n d e n ts h a v e h a d p h o n e sex.

Our virgin ears! 4 1 .8 per cent of students have used sex toys and 4 7 .6 per cent con­ sider themselves kinky in bed.

4 5 .8 per cent have had sex in a public pbce.

5 2 %

39%

YES 61%

plu s... you could also win* s k i & board g ear p rize s r tot ms, "let» to "bonff" <22633) or enter onlln*

H ave you ever h a d a p r e g n a n c y scare?

fi6W

, dentV

fiini and Q6t

G R E A T S A V IN G S o n sk i

NO 52%

p r o te in ...

D o e s p o rn g e t y o u o ff?

NO

— Liz Allemang and Brody Brown

34%

3 0 %

s w a llo w ?

ened to out her___________ (AMOUNT OF MONEY) a day ___________ (STREET DRUG NAME) habit, though he pun­ ished her with a half-hour___________ (VERBINVOLVINGTHE USE OF A PADDLETO HITONE'S BACKSIDE) instead. I scrambled high­ up the stairs and dashed down the hallway, towards the liv­ ing room when suddenly, I stopped. That wasnt Daddys voice. And it wasn't even___________ (ANOTHER MALE REL­ ATIVE) s either (which would have been almost as good!) It was a ___________ (GENDER, PLURAL, OPPOSITE OF MAN'S|. I crouched into an ___________ (ORIGAMI SHAPE) in the ___________ (LONG NARROW HOUSEHOLD PASSAGE) WAY and listened.

"So Jake, you've done things with girls you say. But have you ever been with a woman?

I gasped and leapt up. That___________ (EXPLETIVE ENTAILING SKANKINESS), Mrs. Mitchell! No wonder her ___________ (AFOREMENTIONED PET ANIMAL) was in the driveway! It had followed her over here on her mission to seduce my little brother! I was so confused, so outraged, ___________ (QUALITY OF A PERFECTLY BAKED CUPCAKE, ANOTHER STATETHATRHYMES WITHMANDY...) but I had to inter­ vene. .. or maybe not. Her___________ (ARTICLEOF CLOTH­ ING) was slipping off faster than___________ (SOLID DAIRY PRODUCTTHATISN'T CHEESE AND RHYMES WITHGUTTER) on top of a stack of hot___________ (INTENSE BREAKFASTCARBOHY DRATE). So we may have been more than just neighbours.

And sure I may have ___________ (PAST TENSE VERB) a ___________ (NOUN) with her son. Okay, and his two older sisters.

And their cousin James. But my brother didn't turn 18 for a week! And come on, my family and I prided ourselves on being people of ___________ (ADJECTIVE) morals and ___________ (ADJECTIVE) standards!

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1 8 feature |8 .2 .0 5 |the mcgill tribune LOVE

AND

POLITICS

JENNIFER JETT

lo v e r s d a n g e ro u s a re a n d

id e a ls

a

tim e

o f m a r r ia g e

s o u im a te s

o p ia te s

in

o f th e

th e

n e w

m asses?

LISE T R E U T L E R

arriage is likely the last thing on most student minds as February, loathedly referred to as the month of "midterms, bloody midterms," sets in. But for most undergraduates falling into the 18 to 24 cohort, questioning marriage may not be too far down the things-to-do checklist. Although many students choose to delay marriage talk to pursue their careers, the undergraduate years are often emotionally devoted to serious, long-term relationships—at least after first year, where the "Walk of Shame" takes precedence over any other morning activities.

How realistic are our expectations for serious relationships in the midst of our classes, jobs, internships, and extracurricular activities? Many of us date fellow students, meaning we understand the challenges of unpre­ dictable schedules, sleep deprivation, and classic one-liners like, "Not tonight, honey—I've got a final tomorrow." Yet understanding such chal­ lenges translates into working harder to keep university relationships from floundering. While it's a joy to wake up together, make coffee, and chat as we get ready for our days, this ideal is rarely fulfilled on a daily basis, espe­ cially when one partner has to be at work by 9am and the other refuses to leave the bed until their 1pm class makes it absolutely necessary. The under­ graduate years are often called "the best years of our lives," because stu­ dents are free to explore countless avenues of study, take advantage of a seemingly endless list of internship and work experience opportunities and, when stress takes its toll, slip on the stilettos and dance the night away at any club on the Main. W e are told we can have it all, but does this ideal­ ism carry over to our relationships?

M

The new romantic ideal "There's a danger in idealizing," warns Elaine Weiner, a sociology professor at McGill who is wary of our generations high expectations of partnership. "The 'soulmate' label idealizes someone and takes away from reality, so you may not appreciate what is real."

The root of the soulmate ideal is as mystifying as our need to uphold it. What's clear is that the notion of love as a basis for marriage is a recent phenomenon.

M E E T

T H E

U N I F I C A T I O N

"The quest for soulmates has a definite 20th century salience," confirms Professor Weiner. It wasn't until the 19th and 20th centuries that the idea of romance-before-marriage became a common aspiration. With the advent of capitalism and the trend of singles successfully supporting themselves, mar­ riage is no longer an economic necessity. Partners do not have to be cho­ sen based on their financial potential or success. Marriages are no longer "contracts" in the business sense, with both parties committing to creating a good life; rather, marriage has become a contract in the name of love. This definition rehaul has given rise to new ideals of perfection, notably the expectation of innate understanding between couples.

The science of soulmates Both the concepts of marriage and soulmates are increasingly more vis­ ible research subjects in scientific and sociological fields. Rutgers University in New Jersey, for example, created the National Marriage Project in an effort to "educate the public on the social, economic, and cultural conditions affecting marital success. " A 2001 survey conducted by co-director Barbara Defoe Whitehead found 9 4 per cent of young adult respondents agreed that when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soulmate, first and foremost." What's more, 88 per cent believed that there is a "soulmate" out there just for them. But what exactly does the soulmate craze mean for the future of relationships?

Whitehead is suspicious of the popular belief in soul mates. "There's a lot of psychologizing," she said in a December 20 0 4 interview with Utne M agazine on the growing obsession among young couples to know each other's innermost secrets and feelings. "One of the effects is to think you're more intimate than you really are."

Whitehead's concerns echo Weiner's. "Today's social rhetoric is framed in our looking for a soul mate, a utopie romance," Weiner argues.

There's comfort in the idea that there is someone just for you, a half to cre­ ate a whole."

See next page.

C H U R C H

mass marriage for the masses ELISHA SIEGEL

vocal critic of Moon and his religion, Maxim warns people of the dan­ gers of joining the group. He describes the mass marriages as simply Finding that perfect person with whom to spend the rest of your a form of mind control by Moon to keep his members from leavinq the life is no small feat and the path to "I do" is hardly a stroll in the park. group.^ Maybe he picks his teeth with a penknife or maybe she snores so loud­ "It is one thing to leave a cult when you realize that you were ly you'd rather be dating a walrus. If you're having a rough time find­ lied to and used to keep its leader living in luxury, but quite another to ing Mr. or Mrs. Right, then perhaps mass marriages could be your sal­ depart your wife and children!" states Maxim on his W eb site, vation. www.xmoonies.com. "And it will always be in your mind and heart Enter Reverend Sun Myung Moon. This Korean-born religious that Moon himself is responsible for your .wife and children. It is very leader founded the Unification Church in 1954, claiming to have the difficult to separate these. So, of course, Moon has achieved tremen- ! divine power to put together perfect matches for members of his con­ dous control through the 'matching' of strangers for marriage." gregation based on criteria that is known only to him. Once a duo has Not everyone is so critical of Moon and his methods. Mike been paired off, Moon marries them by bestowing "The Blessing," Kropveld is the executive director of the MontreaFbased Info-Cult, a which is intended as an affirmation of commitment, family values, and non-profit organization dedicated to informing the community about a step towards world peace. Moon's followers, called Moonies by groups that attract followers outside of major religions. Kropveld some, are drawn into the church by the reverend's claims of being the believes that it is unfair to accuse the Unification Church of meanina second coming of Christ. And since they believe him to have divine harm. intuition, they accept his tactics and willingly wed.

"Some people see Moon as their true father and parent. For most The marriages are traditionally composed, and the couples unit­ people, it's impossible to comprehend how they can let someone else : ed, on a one-byone basis. In 1997, however, Moon conducted his pick their husband or wife," says Kropveld. "However, when we talk first truly mass marriage in Washington, DC. In a single day, he about freedom, we have to let people choose things that we don't brought roughly 2 ,5 0 0 members together in holy matrimony. But there agree with." is a catch: Moon is not qualified to marry people, so the nuptials he Thus, while some naysayers argue that the phenomenon of mass | performs are only for symbolic purposes and everyone married by the marriages cheapens the institution of marriage, they have yet to offer reverend must be legally married after the fact. objective reasons for why this practice is negative. Religious groups | Some people decry the Unification Church's unusual practices. that have been formed recently are frequently the targets of derision I Craig Maxim is a former member who was taught the ways of the and accusations of being cultlike. But they often have just as much Unification Church from the age of 12 and gradually obtained access legitimacy as older, widely established religions. Although wacky by § into Moon's inner circle. It was not until 1993, 15 years after his today's standards, perhaps Moon is simply doing his part in moving admittance into the group, that Maxim decided to leave. Now a religious evolution along.■

June 10, 2003: Ontario legalizes same-sex mar­ riage.

June 2004: A married lesbian couple in Ontario, identified as M.M. and J.H., files for divorce July 8, 2003: British Columbia legalizes samesex marriage.

March 19, 2004: Quebec legalizes same-sex mar­ riage.

April 1,2004: After winning their lawsuit on March 19, Michael Hendricks and René Lebouef become the first gay couple to legally marry in Quebec.

July 14, 2004: The Yukon legalizes same-sex mar­ riage.

September 13, 2004: The Ontario Superior Court grants M.M. and J.H. Canada's first samesex divorce.

September 16, 2004: Manitoba legalizes same-sex marriage.

September 24, 2004: Nova Scotia legalizes same sex marriage.

November 5, 2004: Saskatchewan legalizes same sex marriage.

December 9, 2004: In a non-binding opinion, the Supreme Court declares constitutional proposed legislation legalizing samesex marriage. The court adds that the government cannot compel religious officials to marry samesex couples against their will.

December 21, 2004: Newfoundland and Labrador legalize same-sex marriage.

January 19, 2005: Sun Media reveals that the Canadian military plans to allow chaplains to con­ duct samesex marriage ceremonies.

January 25, 2005: In an open tetter to opposition leader Stephen Harper, 133 law professors and deans from across Canada disagree with Harper's contention that it is possible to block same-sex mar­ riage legislation without citing the Charter's "notwithstanding" ebuse.

-i

the mcgill tribune j 8 .2 .0 5 |feature ] 9

Continued from previous page.

Reality in numbers Current Canadian marriage statistics are not confirming the once-in-a-lifetime soulmate ideal. The divorce rate is rising steadily, from 6 9 ,0 8 8 in 1998 to 7 0 ,1 5 5 in 2002. Quebec and Ontario lead the provincial rates with annual numbers hovering steadily around 17,000 in the former and 2 6 ,0 0 0 in the latter. O f course, they are the most populous provinces—but compare the above with yearly marriage numbers and the truth emerges. From 1999 to 2 003, Quebec's yearly marriage total averaged around 2 2,800, while Ontario's averaged around 6 4 ,0 0 0 . Here in Quebec, the gap between the yearly marriage total and the yearly divorce total is hard­ ly a large one. As Weiner explains, the province is an example of a "post-marriage society," where people are choosing to cohabitate rather than marry, thus redefining the meaning of "family."

With cohabitation becoming the widespread expression of love, marriage is simply adding a government or church-sanctioned piece of paper stating a couples' formal commitment. Today, we can "testdrive” our commitment and compatibility by living together before even thinking of engagement. Will this not result in more successful marriages and less divorce, as couples will see whether they really do feel such a strong commitment before officially creating one?

Ultimately, in order to succeed, marriage today must withstand current realities. In a fast-paced society characterized by constant external stressors, cultivating and maintaining an intimate partnership takes time and energy. W e must forget our self-indulgences, our con­ stant need for stimulation, and our lofty ideals. In the end, whether it's 'til death do us part or not, what's real is what matters. ■

p a rry &

SUCCESS

IN

LOVE

s c ie n c e

an d

IN

LIFE?

s tu d e n ts w e ig h

A N D R E W BAUER ich people seem to have it easier. They can buy just about anything, from vacations on secluded tropical islands to cars with automatic seat warmers. But do these things lead to happiness? Can money buy you love?

Apparently not, contend both the experts and students right here on campus. A recent study from the University of Illinois, inter­ viewing members of the Forbes 4 0 0 , shows that the richest Americans were only slightly happier than the average plebeian.

The study's conclusion: money doesn't buy happiness. Thanks for the update—that sure was university grant money well spent.

Maria Dakessian, a first year dentistry student, agrees with the study's findings. "You can be a very successful businessman, have lots of money, but be miserable in love," she asserts.

So, both science and common sense are in accord: success in life, if it is defined as making extraordinary amounts of cash, doesn't lead to happiness and, by extension, to love. But what about the opposite? Does success in love lead to success in life?

"If you have success in love, I think you'll be a happier per­

R

in o n

on

lo v e a n d

h a p p in e s s

son and you'll have more success in your career if you're happi­ er," reasons Dakessian.

Regarding this question, science has less to say, unless it's love for one's job. Turns out that those who feel fulfilled at work are more productive and therefore more successful. This, in pro­ fessional business lingo, is referred to as the Hawthorne effect, otherwise known as the "DOH" effect.

To Wes Ng, a U3 Computer Science student, the whole question doesn't really make much sense. For him, it's more a question of priorities. What's more important: love or money?

"To me, success in love—and that includes relationships [with friends]—is more important than even school or work," he says. "I know my friends would be there for me if I didn't have a job. That's important."

So does love give you that extra push to really rise to the top in the game of life? While science can't give any definite answers, McGill students seem to think so. So if you have some­ one this Valentine's day, pat yourself on the back, for McGill stu­ dents applaud you. And if you don't, not to worry, for science is on your side. ■

the long distance dilemma

th r u s t

Think long distance relationships are a drag? On the contrary! Tfiink of them as the best of both worlds. Here's three reasons to rejoice that your loved one is hundreds of miles away. First, you get to keep your friends. Rather than seeing your faithful drinking buddies being banished in favour of boring dinner parties, you can get bombed every night and play video games until your eyes wax over—and you can explain that you've been driven to this behaviour because of the terrible loneliness of being without her. Second, the sex stays hot. No more "headaches" or trying to enjoy the same thing for dinner every single night. There's noth­ ing like a M e enforced celibacy to make you horny as a 16-year-old all over again. And when you finally see each other after a long absence, it feels like you're scoring. Finally, you get to keep your apartment as it should be. N o strange puffy washcloths in the shower, no need for tubes of moisturizer in the kitchen, and no stuffed animals in the bedroom. And you only have to clean it when she comes to town. There you have it.

Long distance relationships aren't so hard. In fact, they're paradise.

REGARDER LE MONDE DE HAUT

Paradise? Hardly. Listen, boy, 1am here to tell you that long distance dating is the pits. Most obviously, dating someone many miles away is self-inflicted stress, if the lovin is no longer steamy, I say it's time to dump the chump, not move cross-country and hope to salvage the heat. And if your honey lives in a land far, far away, how is a restless child supposed to get a til' sugar upon demand? Even if the mattress romps are slightly more sexciting and worth the 14-hour journey, shelling out the cash fot these romps is a strain—buh-bye rent and grocery money; hello N ew jersey. Screw togetherness! I'd rather die an old spinster than move to Hoboken and be miserable. What's more, if you're a busy student, chances are you won't be seeing your love frequently, meaning you'll end up wasting countless hours on the phone and on M SN pointlessly describing the Ml details of your day, picking the dumbest fights and then making up by messag­ ing countless sickly sweet emoticons. Its alt a little too reminiscent of seventh grade, when dating someone meant rarely getting foreplay, never going on dates and chatting nightly about how teachers suck, parents just don't understand, and friends are ignoring you, but at least you'll have each other forever. Sound familiar? It was a waste of time then, and it's a waste of time now.

■ ".

ILS SONT LOIN DE SE PRENDRE POUR D'AUTRES, MAIS ILS NOUS REGARDENT DE HAUT. ILS ONT MIS NOTRE PLANÈTE SOUS HAUTE SURVEILLANCE POUR PRÉVENIR SES MALADIES, PANSER SES BLESSURES, ANALYSER SES COMPORTEMENTS. Devant la grande difficulté à appréhender les enjeux environne­ mentaux et les désastres naturels, Claire Müller-Poitevien, Goze Bertin Bénié, Ferdinand Bonn et Guy Aubé mettent à profit une nouvelle science : la géomatique au service de l'humanité. Et les applications sont nombreuses : surveillance et gestion d'inondations; surveillance épidémiologique; aide à la planification et à la gestion de la santé publique; observations des transformations du globe et des change­ ments climatiques, etc.

Au sein du Cartel (Centre d'applications et de recherche en télédé­ tection) et de la Chaire de recherche du Canada en observation de la Terre, ils sont à mettre au point des prototypes de systèmes d'information dont on n'a pas fini de mesurer toute la portée mondiale.

Les études et la recherche à l'Université de Sherbrooke, c’est bien plus que 110 M$ en subventions annuelles.

C'est aussi : □ la capacité d'innover avec des équipes renommées a l'avantage de la ville universitaire dans un milieu de vie exceptionnel a une politique avant-gardiste qui protège la propriété intellectuelle

UNIVERSITÉ DE

SHERBROOKE

A n d C h ic k e n s a y s ...

Liz th e Lusty Lovah

J e ff th e J e rk C h ic k e n

50 ans L’audace porte fruit

= SUCCESS

w w w .U S h e rb ro o k e .c a /a u d a c e /c a rte l

Yow. I don't think it's just distance that's putting strains on your relationships, sweetie. What ever happened to women who would happily wait at home for years until their man came back from the war? If she could handle a five year absence, surely you can deal With a cou­ ple months on separate college campus­ es! And as for the Hoboken problem, that's an easy one. Do what I do and don't shack up with people from prepos­ terous places. If you combine the guys in Montreal, Toronto and New York, there's over 10 million to choose from. Shouldn’t be too hard to find at least one who's up for some hot long-distance loving...

Maîtrises Adaptation scolaire et sociale Administration Administration des affaires (MBA) Biochimie Biologie Biologie cellulaire Chimie Droit et politiques de la santé Économique Enseignement Environnement Études françaises Fiscalité Génie aérospatial Génie chimique Génie civil Génie électrique Génie logiciel Génie mécanique Géographie Gérontologie Gestion de l'éducation et de la formation Gestion de l'ingénierie Gestion du développement des coopératives et des collectivités Histoire Immunologie Informatique Intervention sociale toxicomanie Kinanthropofogie Littérature canadienne comparée Mathématiques Microbiologie Orientation Pharmacologie Philosophie Physiologie Physique

Prévention et règlement des différends Psychoéducation Radiobiologie Sciences cliniques Sciences de l’éducation Sciences humaines des religions Service social Théologie

D octorats

Administration (DBA) Biochimie Biologie Biologie cellulaire Chimie Droit Éducation Études françaises Génie chimique Génie civil Génie électrique Génie mécanique Gérontologie Immunologie Informatique Littérature canadienne comparée Mathématiques Microbiologie Pharmacologie Philosophie Physiologie Physique Psychologie Radiobiologie Sciences cliniques Télédétection Théologie

2 0 feature | 8 .2 .0 5 j th e m eg# tribune O P I N I O N

missin' the kiddie lovin' C R IS T IN A M A R K H A M eople are always shocked when they discover how

P much I hate Valentine's Day. All evidence seems to

E V O L U T I O N S

lo n g in g w h e n sex n o

ic e

IN

C O U R T S H I P

fo r a

c r<

h

suggest the contrary. My bedroom is a shrine to o I things pink and girlie, my music collection is comprise! I mostly of Sinatra love ballads, and—though I rarely con­ fess to actually watching if—I cry like a baby during every episode of Perfect Proposal. So how, people asi could I not be obsessed with a holiday that is obsesser ; with the pink, the frilly, the schmaltzy and the romantic^ When I shrug my shoulders and refuse to answer, pe< pie make their own inferences: I must be bitter and. sin gle, stuck in a horrible relationship, or just an ev romance-loathing man-hater.

Since none of these assumptions are true, I feel the

la v a life

H

lo n a e r

lo v a h ?

3 le r s a n d

casu a l

b d a tin g

s e r v ic e s

"You already know that the person you're e-mailing Has met a bng list of requirements that would otherwise take three or four dates to find out," says Lazar, who'd rather dish out a hundred bucks to cover his ser­ t a N ew Year's Eve party, I was introduced to a couple vice's membership costs than spend it on a series of failed dates.

A who met through Lavalife. Instinctively, i started checking The services do not guarantee success, however, and they certain­ tor signs of psychosis, extra limbs, or wan expressions, but ly do not safeguard against creeps. instead found myself sitting mouth agape and incredulous "lam 21, and 40year old guys were messaging me asking if they as two very cool, seemingly normal students told me how could be my sugar daddies," admits Davies, who had her friends they'd instantly connected online and reorganized their lives—changing accompany her on her first few dates as a precaution. cities and all—to be together.

Still, online services are less intimidating than Montreal's nightlife It's easy to stigmatize dating services since they seem so unneces­ scene since all members are looking to date. Most students strike out the sary in a university environment. Bombarded by people of all kinds and first few times, but get lucky by their fourth or fifth try. orientations, students are the most likely of all singles to meet someone' "I found that Montreal girls lacked something on the level of per­ with goals, values, and interests akin to.their own. Sure these affinities sonal values and priorities that I was looking for," explains Lazar, who are usually bed-bound but still, there's quite an assortment of merchan­ found his soul mate at www.singlec.com. Many emails and phone calls dise from which to choose on campus. So why the surge in university ensued before he amassed the courage to meet his fiancée in person. students suddenly using dating services?

"Before I realized what I was.doing, I scraped together a few hundred Shawn Lazar, a U4 Religious Studies student, wasn't entirely con­ dollars and jumped on the next budget flight to Dallas, and after four vinced at first. "What kind of loser would I have to be to even need to and a half nerve-racking hours of nibbling Harvest Mix pretzels and resort to Internet dating in a city like Montreal, the city that has rightly gulping Sprite, I found myself standing face to face with the girl of my been called the 'bed of North America,' and clearly boasts some of the dreams in a humid, bustling airport lobby." most attractive and cosmopolitan women to grace this planet?!" he admits to asking himself initially. But the humdrum of dating soon caught Too frantic to flirt up with him. "I thought dating was really fun... for a while. But like By fourth year, most students are too focused on their impending going crazy at an ice cream store, eventually, you've tried so many future to devote time to a relationship that will likely end the second art flavours that your mouth gets numb and you can't taste anything any­ acceptance letter from a European graduate school arrives in the mail. more, and then you get brain freeze, and finally you get sick of ice After graduation, the tedium of a dead-end job and nonexistent social cream, and you just feel like staying home and nursing an aching stom­ life makes dating seem more appealing. ach. Dating is like that—or at least it was for me."

"The daunting reality of life after graduation is one that hits the With a heavy course load, Justine Davies, a second year medical hardest for a lot of alumni. It can be difficult enough to find a job, let student, was lacking the energy to seek out potential dates in bars. Her alone find the companionship in life that students often find through var­ cousin suggested she try Lavalife. ious university clubs and events," admits Spencer Ross, who graduated "I figured I had absolutely nothing to lose, so I gave it a shot," she from McGill with a degree in political science last spring. Unimpressed explains. Although reluctant to post her picture at first, once she did,

by Connecticut's social scene, Ross turned toJDate, a Jewish dating serve Davies received many responses and acted on a few of them, one ice through which he met his current girlfriend. which led to a five month-long relationship in the fall.

Like Ross, many twentysomethings with hectic schedules just want Emily Argue, a U3 Sociology student, stumbled over her current to cut to the chase. boyfriend at www.match.com in an unrelated attempt to procrastinate.

"With people having busier and busier lives, and more reliance on "I signed up one night when I was trying to find something else to do technology, online services could very well be the future of dating," says besides study," she confesses. "Finding love was definitely the last thing Argue, who is trying to convince her more hesitant friends to try dating I ever expected." services. "I mean, it's window shopping for people—what could be bet­ ter?"

Computer coupling Whether for casual shopping or snagging the elusive "one," online Online dating is an elaborate cocktail of instant messaging, email­ dating is now a tempting investment for university students. If nothing ing, and Webcamming that puts the Infernetless student fresh outta luck. else, it's a fresh way to weasel some free drinks.

For the technologically-sawy, though, it's a great way to peruse poten­ And unlike most services, online dating doesn't have to do much tial partners without the first-date awkwardness. to be successful. As Lazar notes, "It only needs to work once." ■ NATALIE FLETCHER

M

E A T

M A R K E T

b ew are

th e

e s c o rts

t h a t c u p id

fo rg o t

BY L IZ

ALLEMANG

& NATALIE

FLETCHER

The Cling-On Dude Oh how looks can be deceiving. This guy plays his cards like a pro, but at heart hes really just a big honking dependent wuss who will get your ponchoed shoulder wet by crying a river when you announce you aren't currently looking for "the one." Purely motivated by desperation, this boy loathes being lonesome on VDay so any girl will do. Though your special evening may start off swell, you'll quickly realize that he clings to you like a sheet of Saran Wrap. Our suggestion: as soon as he retreats to the restaurant pay phone to call his mother and set up a meeting between her and his "future life partner," run like you've never run before.

Valentine's Day sucks unless you're a preschooler. need to justify my V-dav hating ways. I have always seen Valentine's Day as tne N ew Years Eve of romance A parly that would be insanely fun on any other day of the year just won’i cut it on N ew Year's; likewise, the sweetest, most adorable gestures just always fall short on Valentine's Day. When you have an entire year to look forward to a single day, its almost impossible for it to live up to your expectations. So many couples spend February 14 in a fight, we should probably set aside the 15th as a holiday—a lot of people may need the entire day to apologize, take back all the mean things they said, and reassure their partner that, regardless of what was said in the heat of the moment, their mother is not a whore.

While spending Valentine's day as part of a cou­ ple is a guaranteed way to spend the following day rec­ onciling, spending it single can be even worse. You may convince yourself that you don't need a date on V-Day to have a good time—all you need are your friends, good movies, delicious food and a bottle or tfiree of dep wine. But regardless of your intentions at the beginning of the night, your evening will inevitably turn into an exbashmg party that can leave you feeling sicker than your eight dollar rosé.

There is only one way to salvage Valentines Day. This may be my solution for everything, but I honestly believe we need to go back to celebrating V-Day the way we did in grade school. Back when we all had cooties, there was nothing more to V-day than crappy cards, those little "conversation hearts" that tasted like chalk, and chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. When we were ail giving each other Alf Valentines and candies engraved with such witticisms as "QT Pie," none of my friends spent the Î 4th crying into their beers.

I really doubt that everyone is going to take my sug­ gestion and revert to out pre-pubescent tendencies, but we can take solace in one thing: whether single, dating or somewhere in between, we’re all going to be miser­ able. Happy Valentine's Day! ■

The Drunk Gal This is a case of the cute girl gone carnal. Eager to please you in ways that ordinarily make her blush, she'll solic­ it the help of malt liquor, polishing off not one but three, forties of the stuff before stumbling over to your dorm and revealing the erotic impulses—and cleavage—you never knew she had. You can run but you can't hide from her sweet little beer-flavoured kisses... until she passes out spread-eagle on your bathroom floor.

The Romancing Dude Watch for buckling knees with this type. Not only will he brave the snowstorm to pick you up and reserve the best table at your first-date restaurant, he'll also avoid any V-Day awkward­ ness by walking the fine line between Romeo and asshole.

Armed with a homemade card, random Dollarama toys that remind him of you, and a pocketful of sultry looks, he'll show he really cares without ever having to say it. You will fall hard, it's inescapable. Doomed are your future suitors.

th e m cgill trib u n e | 8 .2 ,0 5 | feature 21 S E X Y

STATS

111 the scie n ce of love P A N T H E A LEE ■

adies, be coquettish and coy and play hard-to-get.

Men, wait three days before calling. From Sex and ? the City to Seinfeld to Swingers, people today are ■F;> bombarded by rules as to what to do, how to do it, ■■■■and when to do it when it comes to dating, that game we all love to hate. But what actually works? Research shows thatptcrying hard-to-get will make you a person who's hard-to-like. W ait... could it be? Is it possible that people don't like mixed signals? Shocking. $d take off ybur lucky underwear—we like it when you g’6 commando, anyway- and lend science your ear. How can it improve your chances for scoring? Ignore those damn Rules and other such hogwash, the Trib is here to set matters straight.

Braggin' rights. Guys place more importance on youth­ fulness and physical attractiveness than their female counter­ parts when choosing a partner (those shallow bastards!), while girls are more focused on the vocational status, .ebrning potential, kindness, and other emotional appeals of a man (okay, so our interests are piqued by the scent of mpneybut, hey, at least we're sensitive gold-diggers). ‘ Wj And we've caught on to what the opposite sex likes.

AAen display their "marketable” resources by bragging about their strength, athleticism, and sexual prowess, while women are more apt to display physical cues like wearing make-up and stylin' threads.

At least you now know what to flaunt.

Pray for good genes. Gals like their arm candy to be, on average, six inches taller than they are, while men prefer women approximately four-and-a-half inches shorter than themselves. Men prefer women with an hourglass figure, as studies show that men are more attracted to those women with a waist-to-hipVâtio between 0 .6 and 0 .7 (thin is so not in. Case in point: Kate Moss has a waist-tohip ratio of O.4.).

It has also been found that women prefer men with a waisttohip ratio of about 0 9, implying a trim waistline.

Cross-cultural studies demonstrate consistency as to what female facial features are deemed attractive to men. Ji was found that females with larger eyes, a greatef distance between eyes, slender noses, narrow faces, small chins, high and expressive eyebrows, large lower lips, high -cheek bones, as well as a well-groomed, full head of hair were deemed more attractive. The things those crazy scientists say—as if men don't like bald women. What will they come up with next?

AAen prefer girls with a strong jaw, and both sexes pre ferred men with more feminine features. Symmetry also plays a huge part in physical attractiveness as both overall physical symmetry and facial symmetry were viewed as appealing to both men and women. Women prefer men with a larger upper body. So yeah, plastic surgery, anyone?

Aunt Flo = Cupid? A study where men were asked to smell T-shirts worn by women at varying stages of their men­ strual cycle and rate their odours found that the odours of ovu­ lating women consistently ranked much higher than those who were not. So perhaps it is not a curse, but a blessing instead.

A woman's body may also undergo minor physical changes during ovulation. For example, soft tissues, such as those found in the ears and breasts, become more symmetri­ cal, and waist-to-hip ratios tend to decline. A woman's com­

The Melodramatic Gal With this lass, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, so just save yourself the trou­ ble-nothing you do will ever meet her impossibly high standards. She's expecting everything and if you don't deliver the night of her dreams, things will quickly go to Hades. Show up five minutes early when she's still shimmying into her $4 0 0 BCBG gown, and she might start to hyperventilate (with luck, to the point of passing out). Show up five minutes late, she'll refuse to talk to you unless you reward her valued companion­ ship with jewels... lots of 'em. Unless you want a very public meltdown— think bawling, runny mascara and the throwing of anything that isn't bolted down—we highly recommend that you cross Burger King off your list of romantic places to dine. Just a thought.

plexion is at its lightest and the skin also becomes agbw duriHj§ ovulation. This is what is biologically deemed as attrac­ tive—thinFof what women strive to look like when they apply blush or lipstick, or seek breast implants: they are mimicking what they would look like during ovulation.

W ho knew? Our monthly visit from our annoying little friend is like a monthly makeover from a helpful little match­ maker. » First impressions matter, so be a copycat. The initial meeting is crucial for relationship bliss—if you make a bad first impression, it takes 11 subsequent good impressions to offset the initial mishap. What's more, evidence suggests that first impressions can be made subconsciously in as little as seven seconds. After this initial contact, individuals will con­ firm and establish a positive relationship generally within five minutes of being with another. Now that's pressure. Whats a blubbering, klutzy, yet oh-so-horqy individual M do?

The chameleon effect can work wonder®. On your next date, mimic the postures, mannerisms and facial expressions of the object of your desire,' Utfimately, mimicry has been found to promote the ease of' interactions and increase your likeability. In fact, studies show that it can be predicted whether or not a couple will leave a bar together based on the synchronization of their movements.

Talk less, make bedroom eyes more. Studies show that only seven per cent of what a person takes away from a con­ versation comes from the words that are spoken, 38 per cent of meaning is derived from the way the words are articulat­ ed, while an astonishing 55 per cent of meaning is conveyed in facial expressions. Moreover, it has been found that non­ verbal signaling is far more instrumental than other factors, such as physical attractiveness, in getting a man's attention.

This means that ugly, boring people do still have a chancel Our advice? Don't talk much, just wink repeatedly while pointing to your crotch region.

But what does it mean? Non-verbal communication can reveal lots about how a date is going. Guys who are interest­ ed irt a partner touch them to convey care, conviction, sensi­ tivity, and strength. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to touch people to display property rights, those possessive demons. If a man leans back and touches his hair, it implies that he is not interested.

Women are more adept at decoding these cues as it has been consistently found that men are quite ignorant in reading body language. Does this come as a surprise to any one?

Girls are also more likely to make the first move in a social environment through subtle movements such as stand­ ing near their potential prey. Conversations between men and women generally only begin after a female has acknowl­ edged a man. Evidence suggests that women first display interest through eye contact followed by immediately looking away from their target. Subsequently, they are likely to lower their head slightly and cast another glance towards the indi­ vidual. Coy. And hot. W e approve.

Okay, so we guess these rules are not that much better than standard dating folklore. If ydu're going to get plastic sur­ gery just to get that 0 .6 waist-tohip ratio, perfect the first seven seconds of any meeting, and work on blinking at the exact same time as your date, you might as well wait three days before calling. But then again, what do we know.

SOURCES: Buss, D.M. The Evolution of Desires. (2003, Basic Boob); Prager, K. The Psychology of Intimacy. (1995, Guildford Press).

The Unimpressed Gal This girl can't believe you killed flowers to woo her, or that you thought she'd fall for your atypical V-Day plans.

A stroll through a conservation park in matching faux alpaca sweaters sipping organic hot cocoa, huh? Please.

She thinks the very sight of you smiling at her doorstep confirms the women's movement is regressing faster than she can say "The institution of sexu­ al intercourse is anti-femi­ nist." She may be going bra-less but her dirty Fword is not the one you're thinking of. Brush up on de Beauvoir and prepare to walk on eggshells— /, you're in for some icy / / treatment. /

The Dirrty Dude Now don't get us wrong, sometimes we like our men really filthy. Trash talk in the bed­ room can be hot, and the scruffy, unwashed rocker look often makes us swoon. But for those chickies who consider V-Day to be the day, nasty boys are simply unacceptable. The always raunchy Pervy Perversion lad preys upon lonely, dateless, horny, and innocent women alike.

He'll show up at your door, bouquet of Trojans in tow, hit on your roommates, then whisk you away to dinner and a show at Super Sexe—they do have a buf­ fet after all. After describing, in great detail, his checklist of sexual accomplish­ ments and flashing you his man-meat, he'll do everything in his power to bed you in the crusty bathroom stall. Hmm... thanks, but no thanks.

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a&e

O

eature

H id d e n J a m c it y 's

o p e n

g em s

b a n d s m ic

p la y

n ig h ts JULIASHONFIELD

BEN LE M IE U X & S C O T T S A M E R O FF

and scat singing.

Drinking at Grump/s Bar ( 1242 rue Bishop) is the university ver­ ne of the great things about musical performance is that there sion of high school basement drinking—but then again, who cares O is no necessary relationship between peoples talent, where about atmosphere when there is free music offered four nights a they're performing, and how much they charge. So many week. Mondays house a bluegrass jam, Tuesdays are open mic nights, and Wednesdays feature live jazz. legends of the stage, including Bruce Springsteen, Van Morrison, With live blues and rock bands every night, Bistro a JoJo ( 1627 Townes Van Zandt, and The Band, got their start playing in dirty, halfempty bars before they became immortalized. What people forget is rue St-Denis) attracts a loud, boisterous crowd of partyers looking to that there are so many extremely talented musicians who have great get crazy. Don't be surprised if someone older than your mother gets songs, put on amazing shows, and play their hearts out every night so turned on by the music that she buys you a pitcher, "no strings without ever releasing a hit song or catching a lucky break. This is attached." Although not cheap, Bistro can always be counted on for especially true in the genres of jazz and blues, where we seldom find a blurry, beer-soaked evening.

Looking to escape the monotony of the downtown bubble? a huge draw but are never at a loss for boho workaday guys that will Sablo Kafe (50 rue St-Zotique E.), located in Little Burgundy, is home make your jaw drop for less than the price of a pint.

The bars and clubs below are just a few of the many spots to great food and two great nights of music. Tuesdays feature the around Montreal that consistently showcase cheap live music and organic beats and spoken word of Kalmunity ($5, 8pm), a weekly open jam nights. Walk in any night, and you may catch the next Otis collaborative that brings together many talented Montreal musicians Redding wailing away at the mic or, at the least, hear a few guys try and poets, while Thursdays present live salsa music.

The ever-popular Luba Lounge (2109 rue Bleury) features an ing to find their musical voice? On any given night, even the most mediocre band can feel the fire in their veins and get the floor shak­ unbelievable Monday night jam session. The laid back, red-lit lounge is filled with some of the most talented musicians in the city, who liven ing.

L'Ours Qui Fume (2019 rue St-Denis], a cramped little hole-in- the club with a melodious, psychedelic jazz funk until last call. It is a thewall blues bar, is one of the best places in the city to catch a great destination for listening pleasure and enjoying a wonderful show. Walk in on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night, and experi­ atmosphere, but local musicians should only attempt to jump into the ence some of the finest blues Eastern Canada has to offer, free of action if they are really confident about their chops.

Brutopia (1219 rue Crescent) holds a mellow acoustic open charge.

House of Jazz (2060 rue Aylmer) showcases talented musicians stage Sunday nights, which doubles as a second home for folk musi­ and vocalists every night of the week, and only a block or two from cians who never made it, well, anywhere. All the artists here are campus. Warm up from the cold with the soothing sounds of the sax warm, friendly, and welcoming people who make the playing expe­ and a stiff dark drink (preferably Scotch), and enjoy shrieking horns rience seem effortless, though audiences tend to be somewhat less H A N D S

O F F

T H E

responsive than at other venues. Shows usually include acoustic or electric instruments, and begin at around 10:30pm, but if you want to play there, show up early for a sign-up spot lest your performance be relegated to a 2am gig.

Another up-and-coming neighbourhood joint, Le Missy Bar (250 av. du Mont-Royal E.), holds an interesting electro, vocal, and tam­ tam open stage Wednesday nights. The local deejay and drummer lay down funky percussive grooves upon which any number of tammers and vocalists (and the occasional guitar or bass) form an esca lating, sweltering melody. A trippy experience, but every once in a while you run into a small group of frustratingly incompetent musicians here. Begins at around 10pm, depending on whether a band is play­ ing beforehand.

Rue Crescent's Club One (1186 rue Crescent) is a second Wednesday night jam option. Slightly more organized than some other options, this bar serves largely as an open stage for bands and collaborating musicians to showcase their material—a testing ground of sorts. A good location for meeting talented and enthusiastic musi­ cians and writers, as well as for hearing the btest of the city's new sounds. Begins at 10:30pm, though, as is often necessary, show up early for sign-up.

The Yellow Door's (3625 rue Aylmer) acoustic open stage has been a Montreal tradition for more than half a century. One of the city's few Friday night open stage options (if not the only one), the Ghettos favourite coffeehouse opens its doors to the better and less­ er known folk musicians of the city, providing an intimate, unpreten­ tious atmosphere for singers and songwriters of all ages. Starting times vary, sometimes preceded or followed by a band performance.

Cover charge is usually $2 to $5, and always goes toward funding the Yellow Door's projects. ■

C A N V A S

W h y jo k e

w h en

you

c a n

q u o te ?

NATA LIE FLETCHER

uotations are the lifeline of student humour. Take the tel­ evision out of university relationships and a blanket of laugh-less silence will soon settle over the greater Ghetto area. Once meant to preserve the words of wise men, quota­ tions are now used to immortalize the words of wiseasses.

Seriously though, what good will come of endlessly quoting Will Ferrell?

According to my roommates, plenty. Each is a master of a different Ferrell character and this makes them very proud of themselves. At parties, they sit around spewing lines, contending for the spotlight with perfected accents and impeccable accura­ cy. The hero of the hour is then lauded for his innate ability to watch the same shows and movies until he is blue in the face— a valient feat, to be sure.

Original humour—hell, normal conversation—is often sup­ planted by an ad lib citation circus. I can't even tell the differ­ ence between firsthand comments and TV one-liners anymore.

The other day my friend asked "How you doin'?" and I found myself bent over, crippled with laughter, crying "That's a good one. Where's it from again?" But that's the thing, you see, he wasn't joking at all, he just wanted to know how I was.

Quotations have also replaced the weather as the small talk of choice. How well you get along, how much fun you have together depends on whether you've seen the same movies.

Q

Sadly, few see the merits of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Return of the Killer Tomatoes, leaving me completely bereft of hope until the B-Grade "horror" genre reclaims its prestige... or until I find losers with equally bad taste in movies. Indeed, in the game of quotage one group's prized comedian is another's laughing­ stock. Misquoting is a surefire way to get ousted from a poten­ tial circle of friends. The only chance for redemption comes when the next dud hits the Blockbuster shelves.

Truth be told, it's getting a little out of hand. Some avid quoters don't seem to understand that theirs is a secret lan­ guage grasped only by a select few. Just the other day, when asked to back his comments in class, my friend responded with "Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.' Needless to say, the professor was not amused.

Later that afternoon, when the kids in my philosophy confer­ ence started to annoy the guy next to me, he interrupted them by asking, "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?"

He was met with blank stares across the board.

On other occasions, the references are understood but not exactly appreciated. When my friend's mother walked in on her and her boyfriend, she shrieked, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" It did not go over so well. When my friend's Dad suggested he get a headstart looking for a summer job, he

thought it would be funny to respond, "Y-You're crazy, man.

You re crazy. I like you, but you're crazy." His father, however, was not having it.

In some situations, quotations simply assume the role of inside jokes. At a bar last week, when a cute guy walked by, my girlfriends started chirping, "Mine-mine-mine-mine" in unison.

When said guy turned out to be creepy, I had to tell him to leave us alone: "That'll do, pig. That'll do." When things got really out of control, one of us yelped, "Put that thing back where it came from or so help me!" He didn't get it. Later on, we overheard a guy taking jabs at a social conservative using Matrix talk: "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

Sometimes, quoting is just plain pathetic. When my friend's bird left him for another guy, he sullenly muttered, "I thought / was your snack pack." That didn't deter her. Likewise, when a bad date spurted "You had me at hello" at my cliché-intolérant gal pal, she promptly vomited on his shoes.

It's time we return to the basics. Randomness is funny, hyper­ activity is entertaining. And while you tickle and poke fun at each other, I'll happily run damage control, chasing down any poor sod who dares screech "Don't be hatin'" in my presence. ■

th e m cgill trib u n e

^ ^ h e a tre E n te r t h e B itte r

T e a rs

P R E V I

w o r ld

d e liv e r s

o f P e tra V o n

s e n s u a l

th r e e -w a y

PAUL G O E R T Z E N n its barebones form,

The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant,

writ­

I ten by Rainer Werner Fassbinder, is a story about a rela­

tionship. It is a series of brief, calamitous moments within the continuity of one relationship, and one life. Set in Petra Von Kant's bedroom with a bevy of female characters, we receive a personal, tragic view of love—in this case, between two women, Petra and Karin.

The concept of love is kept visible like a snake tattoo around your neck in the form of Marlene (pronounced Marléna, and played by Morel MacMaster). She is omnipresent in the play and hopelessly in love with Petra.

Drably dressed and consistently spurned, she is Petra's maid­ servant and occasional lover.

Marlene is an unyielding character, in that it would take a will or desire like no other to exist as she does serving Petra, degraded and devoted, receiving in return only tablescraps of affection. This best describes the basic assumptions about love that Bitter Tears accepts.

Petra (Lauren Schacher), a selfish fashion designer, is knowledgeable and philosophical. Her dialogue invokes thoughts of transcendence, yet in actuality she is a worldly character, bound by the same failings most people experi­ ence in love. Her character is played adeptly by Schacher,

K ant

lo v e

tr ia n g le

who manages a vast range of roles, from boisterous mistress to abusive tantrums to sensual and bittersweet.

Karin (Marie-Marguerite Sobongui) is a young, flirta­ tious, sexual creature—the kind that is so easy to fall for (if you saw her in that corset you'd understand). Although her performance fluctuated somewhat, Sobongui was fun and well-suited for the part. However, because we do learn the specifics of her past, her mind is closed from the audience to a degree. This element leads us to relate more to Petra. Her domination of dialogue results in bringing us deeper into the existence of Petra Von Kant.

Those three compose the love triangle of The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant. Marlene diligently serves Petra, as the rela­ tionship between Karin and Petra proliferates. Beyond the fact that Marlene never once speaks throughout the entire play, the world of Petra Von Kant is almost hyper-realistic. The simple attraction of the characters, the moods and issues that arise, make it feel all too familiar. The play's performance is delivered with respect and without overemphasis. It lacked that bitterness I so readily expected, and for that reason, it was enjoyable.

Bitter Tears is playing at the T N C Theatre 13485 rue McTavishj, February 9-12. Students/seniors $6, adults $8.

For tickets, call 3 9 8 -6 6 0 0 .■

E W S

FESTIVAL Festival voix d'Amériques—La Sala Rossa (4848 boul. St-Laurent) and Casa del Popolo (4873 boul.

St-Laurent)—February 11 to 18 A bilingual showcase of spoken word and perform­ ance literature, the fourth edition of the annual Festival voix d'Amériques is a must for any English major. Each evening begins at La Sala Rossa, with Cabaret-style shows. Later on, the party moves to Casa del Popolo for open mic nights, hosted by "machine web" poet Tony Tremblay. Among the highlights is Sunday night's "Poetry Riddim Memory," which will be broadcast on CBC Radio One, and features a series of black artists who use their work as a tool of political activism. To see the complete schedule and list of performers, check out the festival W eb site at www.fva.ca.

ART. William Kentridge—Musée d'art comtemporain de Montréal— 185 rue Ste-Catherine O .—begins February 11 Born in Johannesburg, South Africa, this jack-of-alltrades artist has quite a résumé to attach to his name.

Recently, he's drawn for galleries in Seattle, Boston, and N ew York. He's also worked for the autonomy of his pro­ fession, establishing the Free Filmmakers Cooperative in his native land in 1988. In Montreal, Kentridge has par­ layed this experience into a multimedia presentation con­ sisting of film, drawing, charcoal, bronze sculpture, and animation. Many have wondered if there is any art form this world-renowned virtuoso hasn't dabbled in—visit the » museum (847-6226) this month to find out for yourself.

MUSIC. Neko Case—Club Soda— 1225 boul. StLaurent—February 11 This 34year-old alt-country singer-songwriter from Alexandria, Virginia, is starting to make quite a name for herself. After starting out as a drummer in various punk rock bands—beginning when she left home at 15 —Case attended the world famous Emily Carr Institute in Vancouver and found her niche in fine arts. As a member of The N ew Pornographers, Case took home a Juno Award. In 2 002, she released Blacklisted, a darker album than her previous fare, but still imbued with her sul­ try, seductive vocal talent. Call the Club Soda box office at 2 8 6-10 10 for tickets.

ART. Stripped— Observatoire 4 —372 rue SteCatherine O .—January 29 to March 19 Here's a call out to feminists, porn producers, 15year-old boys, photography majors, and documentary filmmakers: stop by Observatoire 4 some time this month.

Stripped is a tell-all look at the sex industry by Concordia Fine Arts grad M ia Donovan. On display until March 19, Donovan, a former sex worker herself, enshrines local dancers, internet chat girls, and porn stars in the annals (no pun intended) of Montreal's visual arts world. The exhibit includes non-airbrushed, lifesized photos of some of this city's most notorious erotic employees. Also, look out for Donovan on March 5 as she gives an artists' talk at the gallery. Call 8 6 6-53 20 for all the lurid, sexy details.

Sponsored by the McGill Chaplaincy Service Co-sponsored by the McGill Turkish Students Society

Human Rights and Religion Series T h e T h re e -W a v

D ia lo g u e

A

Thursday February 10, 2005 6:00 p.m.

Leacock Building, Room 26

6:00-6:15 Reception /Snacks and refreshments.

6:15-6:20 Opening prayers.

6:20 - 6:25 Welcoming comments by Religious Studies studentJon Sozek.

6:25-6:35 Comments by Dr. Uner Tirgay, professor at the Institute of Islamic Studies, on the social and political situation in Turkey during the Second World War. 6:35 -6:45 Comments by Religious Studies PhD candidate Nathan Gibbard on the role played by Cardinal Roncalli in improving Jewish/Catholic relations both in Turkey and in his capacity as Pope John XXIII. 6:45 -6:55 Comments onthe film’s productioa 6:55 - 8:30 Screening of the film“Desperate Hours".

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“At a time whenmillions were murdered before the eyes of an indifferent world, there were some men. and at times, some governments, whochose to act - not for praise, uot for glory, but in the name of simple human decency. Andindoingsothey dispel the myths that peoplewere powerless to resist the Nads. Desperate Hours tells the stories of those precious fewwho, in the face of utter darkness, never lost their sight In Idlingthese little known stories fromWWH, the filmdocuments this moment m time, when groups or Muslims, Jews and Christians all worked together tosave lives.’*

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ith sodden and sustained composure coupled with dreadlocked hair and mystical necklace, the average McGill stu­ dent would have easily mistaken him for a Tam-Tams regu­

But no, it was the highly acclaimed Israeli star Idan Raichel and his band, The Shtills, playing dithyrambic rhythms to a sold out and entranced Club Soda crowd (1 2 2 5 bout St-Laurent) on Wednesday.

The Idan Raichel Project blends soft and soulful ancient Amharic Ethiopian, Jewish prayer, and modern Hebrew verse to djembe drum, synthesized keyboard, and electronic additives. Musically, they can be most aptly compared to Phil Collins (in his post-Genesis years) travelling through the Middle East with a soft dancehall reg­ gae troop. This combination captivated the audience, young and old, forcing awkward grooving on chairs, tables, and eventually the stage.

Raichel found success in Israel where his premiere album, Idan Raichel s Project, released in late 2 0 0 2 , quickly sold over 1 0 0 ,000 copies, achieving an iconic status. Songs like "If You Go" and "Come Over" won Raichel awards for Best Album and Best Song from Israeli broadcasters, and they became anthems for a youth engulfed in the emotional difficulties of the Israeli occupation and Palestinian intifada.

"At the end of the day, it's all about the wind, all about the breath, respect, peace, and love," Raichel told the attentive crowd.

In his music he illustrates the realities of life, clearly showing sensitive ity yearned for by Israeli youth. In "Come Over," he croons, "Come,

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give me a hand and let's go/Don't ask me where/Don't ask me about happiness/Maybe that'll come, too."

The duality of new and old defined the group's mesmerizing harmonies. This bifurcation went further, dissecting an audience by age, incorporating the likes of McGill History Professor Gil Troy, while also accommodating the Hillel executive. The generation gap became even more pronounced as some fans used open cellphone LCD beams instead of the 1960s tradition of lighter flames to show solidarity and pay homage to the incendiary music.

Raichel employed a sacred and holy element in his show, playing a Hebrew prayer sample to supplement one of his world music groove tracks. The Hebrew for, "Thank the lord for saving us, keep­ ing us alive, and bringing us to this time" was played over an array of dancing, lights, and interesting sounds, encapsulating notions of variety and appropriation that define the modern Jewish and Israeli tradition.

The Idan Raichel Project represents a new age of Israeli culture.

The inclusive message the band forwards of white and black, Ashkenazi and Ethiopian, prompted the Israeli Foreign Ministry to help finance Raichel's North American tour. This mix of black and white Hebrew culture appealed to many Israelis while promoting an oft-neglected and marginalized Ethiopian ethnic group.

The Idan Raichel Project embodied torn feelings of identity felt by many Israelis and Diaspora Jews. A protruding indecisiveness in style and lyrics defined the mood of the night, while sending out a prescription to have fun. Raichel shows that the new Israel is one of a transitory nature, embracing beats and music from the four comers of the world. While some were bouncing to the encore of soothing Ethiopian reggae jive, one could spot the old Israeli Jews motionless, complacent, but smiling. ■

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C A TH E R IN E LEMERY hile many McGillians have come to know the Montreal nightlife as one of the best in Canada, it is worth noting that one's night mustn't necessar­ ily end at 3am. For those people who enjoy partying the night away, we offer a brief overview of the Montreal afterhours scene, which is world renowned for the awesome atmosphere it provides for all those who love hearing great deejays and dancing until dawn.

Aria (1 2 8 0 rue St-Denis) is one of the most frequented after-hours clubs in the city. Featuring deejays like Luc Raymond, Christian Pronovost, Yaz, Nivoc, Fred Everything, and the Brass Knuckles Crew, Aria offers a wide variety of great beats for all musical tastes. Located in the old Berri movie theatre in Montreal's Quartier Latin (rue Ste-Catherine and rue St-Denis), Aria's three huge floors, each of which boasts an amazing sound system, are divid­ ed according to music genres, always offering separate electronic and hip hop options. The owners will often fly in great musicians from all over the world. This club not only brings great vibes to the after-hours scene, but has featured many art exhibits, fashion shows, and concert performanc­ es as well.

Stereo (858 rue Ste-Catherine E.) is another place worth experiencing. Stereo was once voted number five of the top 10 clubs in the world by Muzik magazine. Having

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featured fantastic deejays like Sander Kleinenberg, Victor Calderone, and -Satoshi Tomiie, Stereo is consistently praised for showcasing some of the best dance music in North America. Stereo not only delivers with its ability to put on great music, but also provides an incredible ambiance—the lighting is executed in a pattern that creates symmetry and coordinates with the music to form an out-ofthis-world dance floor experience.

Gravity (30 rue SteCatherine O.) is a basement club with the largest after-hours room in Montreal. The décor, however, is much different and maximizes comfort before encouraging dance marathons. With a high number of beanbag chairs and totally unisex washrooms, this place is sure to bring people together at all hours of the night.

Circus (915 rue Ste-Catherine E.) is the latest afterhours club in Montreal's hot collection of party places.

Featuring great hip hop music, brought to you by house deejay, Quite Sane, Circus is sure to keep the place bump­ ing until daylight hits. Circus has had a few great hip hop shows so far this year, and is sure to bring great flavour to the underground scene in 2 0 0 5 .

After-hours clubs are definitely not for everybody. The energy level is very high, as are most of the people—many of whom have substituted a few beers for a pill of whatever it takes to keep them going until 10am, otherwise known as last call. It's something worth checking out, but always in moderation.*

^^heatre T he sou n d

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CD. This Girl's Life by Selena 7ty6.

Due in part to the production and co-writ­ ing credits given to Patrick Stephenson—one of the human rights violators behind "Who Let the Dogs Out?"—and the backing label's being Big Daddy Records, there's an immedi­ ate, subconscious understanding that Selena 7ty6's debut album, This Girl's Life, is the worst record ever made, before you even place it in your CD tray.

When I look around at the popular R&B/hip hop songs and records today, I real­ ize that being unable to produce something so effortlessly contrived and vapid is quite like failing at failing. By this standard, This Girl's Life is the world's largest exercise in failure since eight-tracks and the Russian Lada. Attempting a blend of soul, R&B, and hip hop, the ambitious Selena 7ty6 hits rock bot­ tom at every turn. Each one of the tracks on her album sounds like a more sim­ plistic and infinitely redundant version of Janet Jackson or Usher: the tacky, midi-quality version you hear on the annoying girl's cellphone in class.

Most keen observers will notice that the R&B crowd doesn't put a terribly high price on refined, meaningful lyrics and poetics. Selena 7ty6's debut, if nothing else, is a testament to the fact that they've officially stopped caring altogether. Pitiful, cliché-ridden verses such as "Keep your head up high/Love each day of your lifê/Dream with open eyesAake each moment in stride" are enough to make one long for the days of Leonard Nimoy's Christmas album or even Anal Cunt's comparatively superior "I Snuck a Retard Into a Sperm Bank."

There's only one good thing about this album. It ends.

— Ben Lemieux

T h e

C r e a tiv e B o o k P u b lis h in g

Program' T h is is w h e r e y o u r d r e a m

Introducing Canada’s first ‘books-onl/ full-time graduate certificate program in Creative Book Publishing In just four short months (May to August) you will: •earn a specialization in editing, marketing, or being a literary agent ■train with faculty who reflect current changes in the industry •explore unconventional publishing models including self-publishing •have an opportunity to work with authors and writers at the Humber School for Writers Applications are currently being accepted for May 2005.

Applicants must be university or college graduates.

For details, contact Cynthia Good at 416-675-6622 ext. 3449 or at cynthia.good@humber.ca

o f R u m o u rs

HUMBER School of Creative & Performing Arts Tobovto,Ontario,Canada

*PendingMinistryApproval

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Sponsored by the McGill Chaplaincy Service

la u g h te r

D A N Y H O R O V IT Z eil Simon's Rumours has come to McGill's Players' Theatre, and it is fantastic. The story revolves around a dinner party at the home of Charley Brock, the deputy mayor of N ew York City. Unfortunately for Ken and Chris Gorman (David Bly and Bonnie Clarke)—the first of the guests to arrive—Charley had failed in his attempt to commit suicide hours ago, resulting in a gunshot wound to the ear. His wife and servants are all gone, and he is passed out in his bedroom. Ken and Chris decide to keep the information from the rest of the guests as they arrive, electing to wait until Charley wakes up and offers an expla­ nation.

Eventually, they all figure it out, but not until some hilar­ ious confusion sets in—and it is indeed hilarious. Simon's script calls for some wickedly funny and inventive dialogue, and the actors' delivery is effective, squeezing the most laughs possible out of the audience.

The show, directed by Simon Wong Ken, is very well staged. Among other smart accessories, the set included a staircase made to look tall through the audience's perspec­ tive.

What's great about a play like this is that even the sug­ gested offstage actions are funny. For example, when Cookie (Anna Neilson)—who feeds the guests due to the inexplicable absence of the party's hosts—cuts herself while cooking, her husband Ernie (Adam Conter) rushes onstage to explain what happened, and big laughs ensue.

Each of the couples have their own problems as well.

Lenny and Claire (Sean Ryan and Aimée Ambroziac) arrive

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after being involved in a hit-and-run, leaving Lenny with a major case of whiplash. Cookie has chronic back spasms; Ken goes deaf; Chris starts drinking because Ken doesn't want her to smoke; and Glenn and Cassie (Elvis Anber and Britt Ori) are having marital problems in light of Glenn's run for state senate.

In fact, throughout the night—as the title suggests— rumours are tossed around by everyone about the sexual promiscuity of... everyone. Claire especially seems to delight in the gossip.

The irony is that Charley himself does not appear dur­ ing the play, nor does his wife. This tactic is acceptable, however, because the mystery of why Charley wants to kill himself is not nearly as interesting as the stories the charac­ ters make up to keep it from each other.

The highlight of the play occurs in the second act, when a police officer (Marc Goldfinger) arrives to inquire about a series of gunshots. Lenny has to play the part of the unconscious Charley, and he makes up an extraordinary story about what "really" happened. Sean Ryan really nails the monologue as Lenny and the rest of the cast is tremen­ dous as the helpful spectators. Another pleasant touch was the show's music. The director was sly in selecting the works of Paul Simon to play during the intermission of a Neill Simon play.

If only putting on a quality show like Rumours guaran­ teed a capacity crowd in the audience, then the Players Theatre's troubles would be over.

Catch Rumours at the Players' Theatre 13 4 8 0 McTavishj between February 9-12 @ 8 :3 0 pm. ■

rue

Human Rights and Religion Series R e lig io n , R ig h ts

a n d

S y m b o l

Wednesday, February 9, 2005 6:00 p.m.

Bronfman Building, Room 151

Featuring: Human Rights Lawyer and Associate Professor at McGill University, Faculty o f Law, Julius H. Grey, followed by a panel discussion with the McGill Chaplaincy: Prof. Dan Cere, Imam Salam Elmenyawi, Rabbi Shlomo Mahn, Rabbi Samuel Jackman, Mr.Manjit Singh, Rev.Gwenda Wells

Julius H. Grey B.A (McGill), 1970 B.C.L. (McGill), 1971 M.A. (McGill), 1973 B.C.L. (Oxford) 1973 AssociateProfessor of Law, McGill University Quebec Bar, 1974 Manitoba Bar, 1978 President. Canadian Hunan Rights Foundation, 1985-88 Recipient of the Médaille duBarreauduQuébec, 2004

H O C K E Y

R E D M E N

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T O R O N T O

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Poitras stellar as Redmen edge Blues M c G ill

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The Redmen's penalty killers had frame, picking off a Mark to be in top form all night, as the Debusschere pass and strolling in on team took 1 8 minutes of penalties. net alone before making a nifty move While it wasn't quite Habs-Leafs Their success also came at the and sliding the puck past Poitras to Saturday night at McConnell Arena, expense of one of the league's pre­ make it 2-1. nostalgia filled the air as the Redmen mier power play units, which boasts It was a tight checking affair the hockey team squared off against the two of the ÔUÂ's top four scorers in rest of the way, but Lucas Madill man­ Toronto Varsity Blues, and as the pos­ Ian Malcolm and Mike Nason. aged to get free and score at 4:51 sibility of an NHL season is on its last Raymond attributed the triumph of his of the third to give McGill a 3-1 lead. legs, the 200th lifetime clash crew over this line to a number of fac­ Mark Wright brought Toronto within between these 106year-old rivals tors. one at 16:20 of the frame, which could not possibly have come at a "I thought our defencemen made for an anxious last few minutes better time. So while there wasn't a [Alexandre Pagé and Daniel Jacob] as several players scrambled for a Bell Centre-sized crowd on hand, that were assigned to check them did loose puck in front of Poitras. But this 51 2 diehards were treated to a hotly- well," he said. "Our penalty kill did a one, just like eight of the past nine, contested match between two top good job and Matt [Poitras] played ended as a Redmen victory.

Ontario University Athletics teams outstanding as usual."

Despite his team's solid play, the which the Redmen escaped with a 3Indeed, the rookie goalie stood victorious coach was not all smiles.

2 victory, running their win streak to tall again, making a number of clutch Raymond felt that a number of penal­ four games. saves to preserve the win as the Blues ties should have been called against The Redmen took the early outshot the Redmen 34-32. Poitras' advantage coming out of the dress­ league-leading goals against aver­ the Blues, as they were clutching and hooking the Redmen and forced ing room with a shorthanded marker. age remains at 1.99, and he McGill to cough up the puck an Sébastien Langlois picked up the improved his save percentage to uncharacteristically large number of puck behind his net and made an out­ .9 3 4 in the win. He, like Raymond, times. let pass to Eric L'Italien, and the two credited his strong play to the team's "They caused a lot of turnovers played give-and-go as they skated defence. by hooking," he said. "W e were down the ice. Langlois was left wide "The defence doesn't put itself in being hooked like crazy and not get­ open in front of the net and made no a bad position," he said. "They take ting the calls. If you get hooked and mistake in one-timing L'ltalien's pass all the rebounds and I just make the lose the puck, that's a penalty." and sending it past Blues goalie Ryan first stop. They have a lot of experi­ However, Raymond's anger was Grinnell, who played admirably in ence and make the safe play." tempered by a win that saw all facets keeping his squad within reach of vic­ of his team's game come together, as tory, stopping 2 9 shots.

A tightly-fought affair they make a drive for the top spot in McGill scoring with a man Although McGill took a two- the Far East division, which is current­ down didn't surprise Head Coach goal advantage into the first recess ly held by Université du Québec à Martin Raymond. He noted that courtesy of a nice solo effort by Doug Trois-Rivières.

McGill's explosive special teams Orr—who picked the pocket of a "Everyone is 100 per cent com­ have been a catalyst for the Redmen's Toronto defenceman and then roofed achievement since the Second half of a wrist shot into the top corner—there mitted to the team and we're really motivated," he said. the season picked up in January. was to be no easy victory like Friday Unfortunately, we can't say the "Our penalty killing, and special night's 7-0 win over Ryerson that same about the NHLPA and the teams in general, have been playing clinched the Redmen's 19th playoff Bettman crew. But if the Redmen play very well and scoring a lot of goals," spot in the past 2 2 seasons. Simon into March as they've been pldying Raymond said. "That equation is a TREVOR CRAIG Barg scored on a breakaway for since the season resumed, McGill pretty good recipe for success."

Toronto midway through the second fans won't even notice. ■ Mathieu Poitras came up big once again on Saturday night against U of T. dan

T H E

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A D A M HELLER

ype has always been a commanding presence in the sports world. Names like Sidney Crosby are known to fans long before they make it to the pros. But lately, the spotlight cast by the sports nation has been getting increasing­ ly bright, and is uncovering talent earlier and earlier. The ath­ letes being hyped are quickly becoming too young (or uned­ ucated) to even know what ESPN and TSN stand for. We're also too busy celebrating everyone who shows a flash of bril­ liance that we're starting to lose our ability to spot the truly spe­ cial players.

This isn't new. W e have always identified and hyped the next great athletes. Wayne Gretzky was drawing sell-out crowds and making headlines at the age of six, and Tiger Woods appeared on national television when he was only two years old. But look at how those guys turned out. Now, we flip out over just about anyone who stands out at a young age, and we don't seem to notice that we're usually wrong.

W e went through several "next Michael Jordans"—Harold Miner, anyone?—before LeBron James came along.

But maybe LBJ was the turning point for our hype machine. He took hype to the next level. He had his high school games broadcast on ESPN2, and was the centre of a bidding war between Adidas and eventual winner Nike.

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Shortly after that, 14-year-old soccer prodigy Freddy Adu found himself being courted by the top clubs in the world, and eventually settled on a $ 5 0 0 ,0 0 0 paycheque from the D.C. United of the MLS. Ironically, Adu is now one of the older phenoms on the sporting radar.

Demetrius Walker, Jean Carlos Chera, and Austin Rivers are the latest "up-and-comers." The combined age of these three hypees is 34, and the contracts ear-marked for them con­ tain almost that many zeros.

Walker, a basketball player, was recently featured in Sports Illustrated as being good enough to play for an NCAADivision I team... at 14 years old. Chera—get ready for this—is nine years old. So young that we have to spell his age. He is 4'6", weighs 7 7 pounds, cannot get on most theme park rides, and yet is being scouted by a dozen of the most prominent European soccer clubs. And Rivers, son of Boston Celtics Coach Doc Rivers, is praised as the best sixth grade basketball player in the United States. Not to detract From his ranking, but aren't most sixth-graders too preoccupied with putting glue in their hair to play Dasketball?

All this hype does more harm than good. Sure, the ones who pan out are rewarded with a mountain of money in endorsement deals, but most don't get their name on a sneak­

er or a university degree. W e expect them to be superstars and franchise saviours, and anything less makes them a dis­ appointment. Washington Wizards centre Kwame Brown is a former first overall draft pick that never emerged as a superstar, and he's been labelled a bust by some... at 22 years of age. Last year there were eight high-schoolers selected in the first 19 draft picks. W e should be on the lookout for the "next Kwame Brown."

A watershed moment may be approaching. The NBAs collective bargaining agreement runs out after this year, and Commissioner David Stern has proposed an entrance age minimum of 20. Hopefully the union realizes that its members are better off being protected from their own youth and imma­ turity, and concede to the age rule.

A little leadership is reauired, and maybe Stern can be the trendsetter. If the NBA—the worst of the cradle-robbers— can see the error of its ways, then we can all go back to let­ ting kids be kids. W e can remember that their games are sup­ posed to be fun, not an audition for the pros.

At the same time, keep an eye out for Jaden Gil Agassi.

The son of Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf may only be three years old, but he just might end up as the best tennis player ever! ■

P R O F IL E

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M A R T L E T S

the mcgill tribune |8 .2 .0 5 |sports 2 9

H O C K E Y

Renaissance w o m a n does it all M a r tle ts ' c e n t r e

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ERIC M U T T E R Not every student at McGill is able to maintain a 3 .8 7 GPA, make the Dean's List, and win the Tim Dunn award for leadership and academic excellence. And most varsity athletes don't end up as conference all-stars or Canadian Interuniversity Sport aca­ demic All-Canadians, not to mention on the Principals Student-Athlete hon­ our roll. So when Katherine Safka accomplishes all this while leading the Martlets' hockey team in scoring, you might say she's in a league of her own.

The fourthyear physiology major has amassed 35 points in 3 0 games this season for the sixth-ranked Martlets, all while managing a full course load and medical school applications. Ask Safka how she is able to balance such a strenuous lifestyle, and she acts as if it's no big deal.

"It's about time management," she explains casually. "It's something that I learned how to do since I was young. I got used to playing a lot of sports while in high school."

O f course, time management isn't the only trait that allows Safka to attain such high levels of success in all aspects of student life. Her competi­ tive nature and superior work ethic combine to form a personality that doesn't take well to losing, no matter what the stakes.

"On rookie night, I remember we had to do boat races," she recalls, laughing. "I had never chugged a beer before but I did it because I didn't want to let my part­ ner down".

Head Coach Peter Smith fully agrees.

"She's a real competitor, every game, every practice," he says. "Our team this year has good leadership and Katherine is part of it."

The Martlets are currently riding a six-game winning streak and look to be peaking as the playoffs loom. Last year, the Martlets lost in the first round of the Quebec Student Sport Federation playoffs, but limped into the nationals because they were host­ ing the tournament. They ended up

T H E

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W ith 73 goals, Safka is the second-highest scorer in Martlets history. with the bronze medal, something Safka, who may not return to McGill next year, wants to upgrade this sea­ son.

"Bronze is nice, but you always want gold," she affirms.

When asked to reflect on the past four years at McGill, Safka has nothing but positive things to say about her experiences on and off the ice.

The Stoney Creek, Ontario native has grown to love the city of Montreal, and says that her four years here have prepared her for life out­ side of the gates of McGill by giving her a "sense of balance." As a hock­ ey player, she has grown from a role player into a goal-scorer, something she says she never expected. She was quick to credit Smith for the trans­ formation.

"I was a grinder when I came here, but once I realized what [Smith's] expectations of me were, I started to achieve," Safka says.

And now that she has evolved into a major contributor to the

Martlets' success, the prospect of leaving becomes especially bitter­ sweet.

"I'll miss the team the most," she admits.

Considering her contribution to the squad this season, it's no doubt that if this is to be her last year as a Martlet, the team will miss her immensely, too.

"I'll miss her competitiveness the most," replied Smith when asked what aspect of Safka's play he most appreciates, adding, "I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she comes back."

If this is to be Safka s swan song with the Martlets, it's bound to be an entertaining one. The Martlets have an automatic berth into this year's national championship once again, and with the way they have played of late, they are primed to make a run at the gola. Also,’ with Sàfka's competi­ tive streak intact, don't expect her to be fully satisfied with her list of accomplishments until it includes a national title. ■ T h e v ita ls Nickname: Kitty Jersey number: 7 Heignt: 5'7" Position: Centre Year of eligibility: 4 Degree program: U3 PhysiologyHometown: Stoney Creek, O N Last team: Toronto Jr. Sting Years with Martlets: 2 0 0 1 -2 0 0 5 Stats: • Season: 30 games, 2 0 G , 15 A • Career: 128 games, 73 G , 58 A Honours: • Received Tim Dunn Award for leadership and academic excellence • Received J.W. McConnell entrance scholarship • Named to Dean's List • Honoured by Golden Key Society • Named to Principal's studentathlete honour roll three times • Named CIS academic AllCanadian three times • Selected as Martlet Hockey rookie of the year • Selected as a Quebec conference all-star two times • Recipient of the 1938 Champions award

Gretzky, for example. W hat is it that made the Great One so great?

The obvious answer is his God-given talent, hard work, discipline, and Canada's most famous father, who moulded him into the NHLs all-time leading scorer. But that's not really it. Wayne Gretzky became the player he did for one reason: he always tucked just half of his sweater into his pants when he played. His unwavering commitment to that superstition kept him in the good graces of the sports gods, and for that he was rewarded.

Choose a different sport and a different hero, and you'll see the same thing. Michael Jordan always wore his North Carolina shorts underneath his uniform while revolutionizing the NBA. Tiger Woods always wears red on Sunday when he's closing in on a tournament crown. Barry Bonds always uses the same needle when injecting steroids into his body. Okay, I made up that last one, but you get the idea. Natural talent, practice, and dedication are fine, but the only thing that makes a difference when the game is on the line happens between innings, when you avoid stepping on the baseline.

Baseball is generally considered the most superstitious of any sport, and the voodoo-like nature of the game has produced its share

NEUTRALZONEHOCKEY.COM

The Great O ne and his great jersey half-tuck on full display. of crazies. There's relief pitcher Turk Wendell, who isn't himself if he doesn't brush his teeth between every inning. Ten^ear major leaguer Dick Stuart used to take the wad of gum out of his mouth and throw it across home plate as he stepped in to bat—maybe because Wendell informed him that the gum wasn't sugarless.

But aside from individual routines, it's pretty easy to categorize the meaning and intent behind certain superstitions. Not stepping on the baseline between innings, as well as its sister superstition in tennis where the court lines must be avoided when changing sides, draw their roots from the days of Roman gladiators, who made sure to step into the arena with their right foot. The origin of the expression "put your best foot forward," this ritual is common in soccer as well as rodeo, where it is necessary to put one's right foot into the stirrup first.

There are also many widely-held beliefs regarding numbers in sports. Maybe it's the fact that you're trying to accumulate a particu­ lar score, but the numbers don't lie for many athletes. In golf, any ball marked with a number higher than four is bad luck, and any odd-num­ bered club should be used for your first shot of the round. Football players love double numbers on their uniforms, and of course despise the number 1 3. The most famous number 13 in football history, Dan Marino, may have put up some big numbers in his playing days, but he only cares about the number of Super Bowl rings that he won: zero.

Many superstitions encourage either the continuation of a streak, or breaking the pattern of a slump. You never talk to your pitcher dur­ ing a no-hitter, just like you never mention the word "shutout" to your goaltender in hockey. These beliefs reinforce the idea that the pitcher and goalie are positions that require a unique level of focus, and you never risk distracting them. Conversely, a team often employs the rally cap when it is behind, because it hopes to turn its fortunes around with the hats.

The notion that a player or team's fortune is somehow tied to arbi­ trary measures like these seems rather silly, but superstition does have at least a placebo effect on the athletes who believe in them. These routines give a player a sense of confidence in his abilities, assures him that he is in fact prepared for the game, and takes even the biggest game he will ever play in and makes it feel no different than any other time he steps onto the field. And exactly what is wrong with feeling confident, prepared, and calm before an intense competition?

With something as uncertain as the outcome of a game on the line, superstition and ritual give athletes a small measure of control.

And if that allows them to perform at their best night after night, let's put on our lucky shorts and hope this streak continues. ■

3 0 sports ! 8 .2 .0 5 j the mcgill tribune

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Niagara College

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Record-breaking Reid honoured before blowout F o llo w in g

ENTER-CANADA 119 Mont-Royal Ouest Montréal, Québec, Canada H2T 2S9 TÉL: 514 - 842-7924 514 - 842-7046 1-888 *842-7924

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ELISHA SIEGEL Michael Soles, David Burgess, and Vicky Tessier had better make some room at the top of the McGill sports pyra­ mid—Denburk Reid has cemented his spot among the best to ever to play at McGill.

Reid, a fiftfryear guard from Montreal, scored 2 4 points in Friday nights road victory over the Bishops Gaiters, becoming McGills all-time scoring leader in the process. So it wasn't a surprise that the Redmen's game with the fifthranked Laval Rouge et Or Saturday night took a backseat to Reid's accomplishment.

A large crowd showed up to see Reid play in his first home game since breaking the 18-year-old record, previous­ ly held by Willie Hinz. Before the game, Reid received a standing ovation from the fans in attendance as he was pre­ sented with a commemorative plaque at centre court, and posed for pictures with Head Coach Craig Norman and co­ captains Derek Armstrong and Andrew Bier. Unfortunately, the Redmen failed to hold on to the momentum from the pre­ game ceremony and were trounced by Laval. 75-58.

The team looked out of synch for most of the night, ha^ ing trouble cycling the ball and hurting itself with a slew of errant passes. The Redmen trailed the entire game and despite going into the half down by only nine points against one of the nation's best teams, they were unable to close the gap.

But Reid's record-breaking heroics overshadowed McGill's poor play. "Burkie" has now recorded 2 ,1 6 2 points and counting, surpassing Hinz's mark of 2 ,1 2 6 , which was achieved when Hinz played for the Redmen from 19801983, and again in 1986-1987.

"It was a good accomplishment, I guess, but it was more important that we got the win," Reid said of the night that he surpassed the magic number in a 6 5 -57 upset of the Gaiters. "I'm glad I'll be remembered at McGill... but it's bet­ ter to be making the playoffs and winning," he added.

"That's my goal, really. We're struggling right now, but hope­ fully we can turn it around."

However, Reid's modesty in breaking the record belies the importance of his accomplishment. Norman was more forthcoming about what the record means.

"People don't understand the magnitude of what he did," Norman said. "We're talking about 101 years of bas­ ketball at McGill, and he now stands on top of everyone. It's T H E

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PATRICK FOK Denburk Reid's special night was ruined by Laval.

a tremendous feat."

While Norman was full of praise for Reid, he wasn't so generous when describing his team's effort Saturday night.

"Laval seemed to take away what we wanted to do on the offensive end and they got us out of our rhythm early, " he noted. "We certainly didn't play well enough to compete with the fifth-ranked team in the nation."

Although the Redmen showed flashes of life, like a mon­ ster dunk in traffic by Gregory Rembeyo with 4 :1 7 remain­ ing in the game, it was too little, too late. The flush fired up the crowd, but had no effect on the outcome, as McGill was already trailing by 21 at the time. Reid himself had a tough game, connecting on just four of 14 shots from the field. But, in the mould that made him McGills all-time leader, he worked past his poor shooting, and despite fouling out with just over two minutes left in the game, he led the Redmen with 15 points and six assists.

McGill must now look ahead to its three remaining reg­ ular season games, including a rematch with Laval, and con­ tests against Concordia and Université du Québec à Montréal. At 2-1 1, and tied with Bishops for the fourth and final playoff spot in Quebec, the team needs to develop a sense of urgency as its playoff hopes fade in Reid's final sea­ son. ■ D R A M A

Is learning th e story be hin d th e story w orthy o f our a tte n tio n ?

E L IS H A S IE G E L

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9 Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place 8 *

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in front of your computer.

Log onto MSN and ICQ.Check your email.

Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

Check your email.

Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

Call McGill Nightline

Procrastinating? Call us

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As far as I'm concerned, sports and entertainment are interchangeable in this day and age, so why shouldn't broadcasters and pundits accept that and make sports cov­ erage as entertaining as Thursday night in Orange County?

These athletes aren't robots, so why treat them that way?

W e know so much more about them than we did a gener­ ation ago. W e know their party habits, their sexuaf exploits, and their criminal records. If Kobe's going to cheat on his wife, why can't Jim Rome make fun of him? The cir­ cus surrounding these guys is part of the game today.

Listen up Leafs fan, we're not living in the 1950s anymore. Athletes stopped being working-class guys who went out and played their hearts out for a few hours away from their day jobs a long time ago. Now, athletes are big-time celebrities with movie deals, rap albums, sneaker contracts, and personalized bubblegum flavours. They are part of the larger entertainment landscape, meaning they are open for public scrutiny and ridicule. They make for high drama that's almost as riveting as the Bills losing four straight Super Bowls.

I mean, how can you not make a big deal out of Karl Malone telling Mrs. Kobe Bryant that hé was "hunting for little Mexican girls"? Did Lawrence Taylor not admit to blow­ ing thousands of dollars on cocaine and hookers during his playing days? These guys do absurd things in spite of the fact that they live their whole lives under a microscope.

They get what they deserve, and damn if it isn't fun to watch. O f course, you could spend your nights sitting at home waiting for the Leafs to win the Cup, but I think Sundin will give Tucker his high stick before they ever get a ring-.

— Elisha Siegel

M y man, that kind of complacent attitude is exactly why your country has a dumbass for a president. This fias­ co that we call sports these days must be stopped before guys like Phil Jackson actually start making more money for tneir tell-all books than on-court results. I really don't see the merit in knowing about which hockey star Anna Kournikova is going to sleep with next, or how Allen Iverson managed to escape prison time for his latest hostile activity. Like I'm really going to lose sleep because SportsCentre neglected to air the latest gossip surrounding the Sammy Sosa trade.

It didn't use to be this w ay No, it didn't use to be this way at all. There were times when we simply had weekly roundups. But because of the Internet, we now have a del­ uge of delusional sportswriters without anything to report So we get jokers like the aforementioned Rome—the lead perpetrator of said fiasco—who gets off on circulating these bogus rumours, most of which turn out to be nothing more than a mouse fart in the sporting landscape. Indeed, there are some folks who enjoy this blabber, but they're either a) unemployed or b) Red Sox fans.

Having just witnessed the farce known as Super Bowl Media Week, it's clear things are getting worse, not better.

Reporters were getting so bored with Terrell Owens updates that they actually began to stir up the issue of the Eagles being loose in practice. This, in turn, was supposed to mean that they weren't prepared for Sundays game. Wow. Yes! Great lead, guys. You can thank God for giving you the ridiculous two-week break between the championships and the big game so that you can drum up such idiocy. Just give me the score and let me get on with my day. I, unlike some, have better things to do with my life.

—James Scarfone

the mcgill tribune |8 .2 .0 5 |sports 31 S T A N D I N G S HOCKEY (M)

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REDMEN HOCKEY—McGill @ Concordia, Wednesday, 8pm at Ed Meagher Arena; 7 2 0 0 rue Sherbrooke O The Redmen battle the Stingers for Montreal hockey supremacy in the Corey Cup. You can also listen to the game on the Team 9 9 0 .

REDMEN HOCKEY—McGill @ Queen's, Saturday, 7 :3 0 at Kingston's Jock Harty Arena Two-and-a-half hours isn't that long to travel to see McGill and the Golden Gaels renew the oldest rivalry in amateur sports; the Redmen also head into the week just one point out of first in the Far East, and hope to propel themselves up the standings against a weaker Queen's team.

McGill Martlets 4 , Ottawa Gee-Gees 1 Sunday, February 6 @ McConnell Arena SCORING SUMMARY First Period 1. McGill: Kristin Leuszler (S. Denis, C . Hartnoll), 7 :Q7 (PP) PENALTIES: Ottawa: D. Gosbeck (bodycheck), 5 :2 9 Ottawa: M . Pbillion (interfere), 18:38

NCAA BASKETBALL—North Carolina @ Connecticut, Sunday, 1pm on CBS Time to start preparing for your March Madness picks: the ACCleading, second-ranked Tar Heels head on the road for a non-con­ ference tilt against the defending champion Huskies, who are still a threat in the Big East, even without Emeka Okafor.

Q U I C K H IT S

Synchro swimmers smile their way to the top The McGill synchronized swim team won three of five events in Kingston-on Sunday, capturing the Gerry Dubrule trophy as champions of Canadian synchro swimming in the process. It was the team's second championship in three years.

Winners included the White team, coached by Ami Feige and Lindsay Wright, which captured the John Drake trophy by finishing first of ten entries in the team competition.

Feige then paired up with Stephanie Landry to win the duet routine, and McGill also won the newly-introduced novice category, led by Caitlyn Black-Alien—a former varsity swim team member—who won gold in the solo technical routine.

The Martlets now turn their attention to the annual McGill Synchro Water Show, which is scheduled for February 15 at 8pm at Currie Gym's Memorial Pool.

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Second Period 2. McGill: Valerie Paquette (K. Safka), 13:57 3. Ottawa: Kimberly Kerr (j. Garneau, A. Bombay), 1 4:07 PENALTIES: McGill: BENCH (too many men, served by K. Leuszler), 17:30

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Third Period 4. McGill - Kristin Leuszler (C. Hartnoll ), 5 :1 9 5. McGill - Valerie Paquette (K. Safka), 19:39 PENALTIES: McGill - C. Smith (Cross-check), 2:34 McGill - M . Macdonald (Slash), 12:09

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Garven gets a job Andrew Garven, a former linebacker and defensive back with the Redmen football team, has been appointed to | Montreal Alouettes Coach Don Matthews's staff after working in the Als's football operations department for two years.

Born in Glasgow, Scotland and raised in Oakville, j Ontario, Garven spent five years with the Redmen while earn| ing a Bachelor of Arts in North American studies. A defensive co-captain in 2 0 0 1 , he graduated in 2 0 0 4 after having recorded 4 4 .5 tackles, six quarterback sacks, and one inter­ ception in 2 4 career games..

GOALTENDERS: McGill: Catherine Herron (W, 6 0 :0 0 , 1GA, 19 saves) Ottawa: Julie Lalonde (L, 5 8 :5 6 , 3GA, 39 saves) Empty-net (1:04, IG A) GOALS BY PERIOD: 1 2 3 TOT McGill: 1 1 2 4 Ottawa: 0 1 0 1 IWONA LINK

Anthony Evans ♦ U2 Managment ♦ Pairs figure skater Q: When did you decide that you wanted to be a figure skater?

A: I never really made the decision. When I was six years old, my parents and I agreed that since I was not yet playing a winter sport, I would lake skating lessons, so I did through the local figure skating club After two years of that, I was encouraged to start taking private lessons I never really thought twice about it, and so over the years one thing has just led to another with skating.

Q: Name one great miscon­ ception people have about figure skating.

The relationship between partners is oftentimes misunderstood. Yes, some couples do date each other, but I think the majority of couples do not. Having a skating partner is like entering into a marriage where you did not choose your mate Lots of times, when couples are formed, they don't even know each other, and all of a sudden they are supposed to spend several hours a day working alongside each other in a pretty intense atmosphere. Hopefully you learn to get along with the person quickly, or

else things are really not going to go very smoothly. I feel very lucky that my skating partner and I get along very well as friends both on and off the ice, especially considering when we tried out almost six years ago, we had never even heard of each other Q: Do the costumes, or lack thereof, make you lose your concentration?

A: (Laughs) When I am skating, I tend to stay pretty focused on what I am doing, even though the costumes do get somewhat risqué at times.

Q: The best aspect of being a figure skater is...

A: The freedom of movement that can't be achieved on I the floor. Its a very liberating feeling to have the extra dimension of gliding while dancing, and I think it produces a very unique effect, Q: W hy figure skating?

Why not hockey?

A: It was never discour- I aged, but I guess the opportunity was just never really shown to me before I got too involved in figure I skating.

Hockey is a great game, but I have no regrets about pursuing skating. ■

McGill squashes the competition (kind of) Which is to say, the Redmen and Martlets squash teams placed players on the Ontario University Athletics conference all-star teams. Aniroodh Devalia was named a second-team all-star on the men's side, while Eva Monson and Diane Liu of the Martlets were also second-team all-stars. In actual action from the season, Queen's defeated McGill 4-2 in the bronze medal match, relegating the Redmen to fourth place.

SHOTS BY PERIOD: 1 2 3 TOT McGill: 18 15 10 43 Ottawa: 7 4 9 2 0

Women's soccer tied for first place

POWER PLAY (goals/chances): McGill: 1 /2 Ottawa: 0 / 3

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H O R N

Martlets win streak reaches six Kristin Leuszler and Valerie Paquette each scored twice as the sixth-ranked Martlets beat up on the eight-ranked Ottawa Gee-Gees Sunday at McConnell Arena. The win moved the Martlets into sole possession of second place in the Quebec conference, two points ahead of Ottawa with just two games to go in the season.

The Martlets victory came without Head Coach Peter Smith at the helm, as he left the team for Duisburg, Germany, where he is coaching Canada's Under-22 entry at the Air Canada Cup tournament. But McGill's veteran leadership was enough to get by without the coach, as third7 ear player Leuszler opened the scoring with a power-play goal at 7 :0 7 of the first period. She then alternated goals with Paquette, with the second-year forward potting the final marker into an empty net. Catherine Herron was again solid in net, making 19 saves.

The victory is also key in the Martlets' quest to earn a higher seed at nationals by qualifying out of Quebec rather than by backing in as tournament hosts. McGill is now in the driver's seat for home-ice advantage in the first round of the playoffs, needing only two points to clinch their spot ahead of Gee-Gees.

B-BALL (W)

PLAYOFF QUALIFICATIONS: Men's hockey—top two teams in each divi­ ? ! ....] sion and the two next-best teams, without 19 ! regard to division Women's hockey—top three teams 14 : Men's and women's basketball—top four teams 0

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In this Super Bowl edition, we heap praise on a cou­ ple of diminutive wide receivers who came up big on Sunday, and admonish the tough-guy safeties they burned in the process.

Deion Branch had himself a fine night, hauling in a record-tying 1 1 catches on his way to being named the game's MVP. The 5'9" speedster did most of his work in the middle of the field, the domain of fearsome Eagles safety Brian Dawkins The Pro Bowler was surprisingly quiet against a group of small N ew England receivers that had the audacity to trespass in his territory.

His Patriots counterpart, Rodney Harrison, was more visible due to his interception of Donovan McNabb early on, but he has to live down the shame of allowing the super-soft Todd Pinkston to have a solid game. Pinkston, known for his cowardice in the middle of the field, piled up 82 receiving yards on the night, including a highlightreel catch in—you guessed it—the middle of the field.

After two rounds of the Quebec women's indoor soccer season, the Martlets share top spot overall with the Université de Montréal Carabins, as both teams have 5-1 records.

The~Martlets headed into the weekend undefeated but lost their first match Saturday to the Carabins by a score of 20. McGill bounced back, however, to win its next two games, 3-1. over Concordia and 3-1 over UQAM. Kristina Perusco picked up victories in both games in nets, while Eloise Vandal scored twice and four other Martlets each picked up single markers.

The Martlets now turn their attention to the March 4-6 Adidas McGill Indoor Classic, eastern Canada's largest indoor tournament, which will feature between 32 and 36 teams. Their next QSSF tournament is March 13 at Laval, and McGill is hosting the Quebec championships on April 2. ■

IN T R A M U R A L C O R N E R

Basketball Results j

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Men's Division A

Scrubs 49, Wheels 32 Resident Evil 44, A Team 38 Medmen 47, Balls 41 Men's Division B Shaolin Basketball 5 8 , Cassius Clay 39 Alpha Epsilon Pi 36, Maximum Vorticity 25 Manaba 52, Basket Robbins 24

McGill Alumni Association Presents:

ackpac F irs t A n n u a l " L ife A fte r M c G ill" C o n fe re n c e "S u c c e s s o c c u rs w h e n p re p a ra tio n m e e ts o p p o rtu n ity "

Backp ack

to

Look out, world, here you come! The McGill Alumni Association is hosting its first annual life skills conference, Backpack to Briefcase, from March 10th to 13th, 2 0 0 5 . Successful McGill alumni will lead seminars and talks on real-world life lessons, including how to m anage your personal finances, dining etiquette, graduate school, and more. Events are free of charge unless otherwise indicated, and hosted at Martlet House, 1 4 3 0 Peel Street. We're still adding new seminars and guest speakers; look for updates!

R e g is te r fo r t h r e e o r m o r e s e m in a r s , a n d r e c e i v e th is c o m p lim e n ta r y M c G ill b r i e f c a s e .

Briefcase

Thursday, March 1 0 ,2 0 0 5 Action Plan: Everything You Need to Know Before You Start Your Job Search Lookingfor a job requires lots of organization. This workshop will provide you with the tools you need to plan yourjob search.

Cindy Mancuso MEd'98 Career Development Officer at McGill's Career and Placement Service Martlet House (Gales Room): 10:00am to 11:00am Capacity: 30 students CV Drop-In Stop by the Career and Placement Service Office and have your CV looked over by a career counsellor.

Macdonald Campus

10:00am to 11:00am Centennial Centre Student Service Centre 21111 Lakeshore Road Downtown Campus

3:00pm to 4:00pm Brown Student Services Building, 3600 McTavish, Room 2200 Conference Welcome: "From Backpack to Briefcase" Keynote Speaker: Richard Pound OC. OQ, QC, FCA, BCom'62, BCL'67 Join us for an evening with the Chancellor of McGill University, as he dis­ cusses his McGill experience and his four exciting careers, including founding Chairman of the World Anti-Doping Agency, member international Olympic Committee, partner Stikeman Elliott lawfirm, and distinguished author.

Mr. Pound is perhaps best known for his work the Olympics. Initially the Secretary of the Canadian Olympic Association from 1968-1976, he was later elected President (1977-1982). In 1972, he was the Deputy Chef de Mission o f the Canadian Olympic delegation in Munich. Mr. Pound was a competitor in the Games of the XVII Olympiad in Rome in 1960. and later won four medals for Canada at the 1962 Commonwealth Games, including a gold medal in the 110-yard freestyle event. Currently a partner o f the Montreal law firm of Stikeman Elliott (Chair of the firm's Tax Section), Mr. Pound has occupied senior posi­ tions in several other local, national and international organizations. Mr. Pound currently holds the position of Honorary Consul General of Norway in Montreal.

Faculty Club Ballroom, 3450 McTavish Street: 4:00pm to 5:30pm Capacity: 200 students Dining Etiquette (Four-Course Dinner) Not sure which fork to use? What about howto pick up the cheque?

Or which bread plate is yours? Business and social meetings are often held over a meal, and people can find themselves confused and self-conscious while navigating a table setting. Our course on dining etiquette will teach you the basics and let you concentrate on the most important part of the meal - the conversation.

Mayme Vineberg BA'72 MLS'74 Director of Intimate Settings Etiquette School Faculty Club Dining Room, 3450 McTavish Street: 6:00pm to 9:00pm Capacity: 40 Meal Choice of Tropical Mango Chicken Breast or Vegetarian Dish Cost: $15 for course materials*

Friday, March 11, 2 0 0 5 Staying Healthy in the Real World Breakfast Join us for the most important meal of the day and learn all about how to manage your personal health after graduation without spending a fortune.

Anne-Marie Mitchell BSc(NutrSc}'89 Martlet House, Main Floor Conference Room: 9:00am to 10:00am Capacity: 40 students How to Manage Your Personal Finances If you have questions about howto manage your money after you grad­ uate, what kinds of services banks and investment companies offer, or howto get out of debt (or avoid it), this seminar is for you. No financial knowhowrequired.

Daniel Lalonde. B.Com'76 Financial Advisor at National Bank Financial Martlet House. Main Floor Conference Room: 11:00am to 12:00pm Capacity: 40 students

Conference

Civic Duties: How to Become an Active Member o f Your Local Community and Charities There are many opportunities to contribute to the world around you.

As every McGill graduate is a unique addition in his or her local com­ munity, this seminar will discuss what different kinds of volunteer oppor­ tunities are out there, and howeveryone can make a positive change.

Douglass McDougall BA ’67 Former President of the Westmount Municipal Association Martlet House, Gales Room, 2nd Floor: 11:00am to 12:00pm Capacity: 40 students CV Drop-In Stop by the Career and Placement Service Office and have your CV looked over by a career counsellor.

Downtown Campus: 11:00am to 12:00pm Brown Student Services Building, 3600 McTavish, Room 2200 Keynote Speaker: Donna Nebenzahl BA'75 Join us for an interactive lecture by Donna Nebenzahl, a feature writer and columnist for the Montreal Gazette, as she shares her life experi­ ence as an journalist and international author inboth print and televised media.

Ms. Nebenzahls first book, Womankind: Faces o f Change Around the World, traces the journey she made with photographer Nance Ackerman as they encountered 45 activist women around the globe. She also launched Calling All Girls!, an annual forum where girls aged 9 to 15 meet distinguished and accomplished women, and Woman News, a sec­ tion of the Gazette devoted to women's issues. Ms. Nebenzahl is also a freelance magazine writer, teaches journalism at Concordia University, and is working on a documentary film for CSC and Radio-Canada on the impediments to women reaching the top of their professions.

Faculty Club Ballroom, 3450 McTavish Street: 1:00pm to 2:30pm Capacity: 200 students Dressed for Success (Feminine Dress) Want to knowabout professional dress codes, but still want to maintain your personal sense of style without spending a fortune? Our fashion consultant and hair and make-up artists will teach you about dressing for the business world, offer personal grooming tips, and provide guid­ ance as to howyour wardrobe needs to growto suit the needs of your newjob. This hands-on seminar will be a blast!

Led by Francine Langevine BA'78 Director of Personal Shopping at Ogilvy Martlet House, Main Roor Conference Room: 3:00pm to 5:00pm Capacity: 40 students Dining Etiquette (Four-Course Dinner) Not sure which fork to use? What about howto pick up the cheque?

Or which bread plate is yours? Business and social meetings are often held over a meal, and people can find themselves confused and self-conscious while navigating a table setting. Our course on dining etiquette will teach you the basics and let you concentrate on the most important part of the meal - the conversation.

Mayme Vineberg BA72 MLS 74 Director of Intimate Settings Etiquette School Faculty Club Dining Room: 6:00pm to 9:00pm Capacity: 40 students Meal Choice of Doré Amandine or Vegetarian Dish Cost: $15 for course materials*

Saturday, March 1 2 ,2 0 0 5 Interview Skills Breakfast So you finallyget an invitation to a job interview, What will you say?

Howwill you make a good first impression? Howwill you dress? The answers to these and other questions will be addressed here.

Gregg Blachford, Director of McGill's Career and Placement Services Martlet House, Main Roor Conference Room: 930am to 11:00am Capacity: 40 students Networking Your Way to the Job You Want Networking, schmoozing, bonding... whatever you call it, an effective job search involves meeting people who work in your target career area.

This workshop will demonstrate techniques to help you get started.

Gregg Blachford, Director of McGill’s Career and Placement Service Martlet House, Gales Room, 2nd Root: 11:00am to 12:30pm Capacity: 30 students Dressed for Success (Masculine Dress) There's more to dressing for work than putting on a suit and tie. Join us

Agenda

2005

for this fun, easy, no-nonsense seminar on masculine attire and style for young people in the professional world. Our instructor will offer practical tips and examples (like howto tie a bowtie).

Scott Rivard, District Manager of Harry Rosen Martlet House, Main Roor Conference Room: 1130am to 1:00pm Capacity: 40 students Health Insurance 101 Finishing school or starting a newjob often means you need to find your own health insurance plan - but what is health fosurance anyway?

What kinds of coverage will you need? What about dental insurance?

Or life insurance? This information seminar will discuss all the basics of health, dental, and life insurance avaflable for people getting ready to finish school, what kinds of coverage options are out there, what you actually need, and howto avoid insurance gimmicks.

Enna Kaplun, Relationship Manager of Manulife Insurance Martlet House, Main Roor Conference Room: 1:15pm to 2:45pm Capacity: 4 0 students

Get Covered: An Easy Guide to Property Insurance Going to be on your own for the first time? Many young adults don’t realize their possessions aren’t covered by their parents' insurance until it's too late. But what kind of insurance do you need? And what kinds can you definitely do without? Join us for this seminar to team about the different liabilities and responsibilities that apply to you and what insurance options are out there for students once they finish school.

Our instructor will discuss home, tenant property, and auto insurance.

Meloche Monnex Insurance Martlet House, Main Floor Conference Room: 330pm to 430pm Capacity: 40 students Dining Etiquette (Four-Course Lunch) Not sure which fork to use? What about howto pick-up the cheque?

Or which bread plate is yours? Business and social meetings are often held over a meal, and people can find themselves confused and self-conscious while navigating a table setting Our course on dinmg etiquette will teach you the basics and let you concentrate on the most important part of the meal - the conversation.

Mayme Vineberg BA’72, MLS'74 Director of Intimate Settings Etiquette School Montreal Athletics Association Dining Room, 2070 Reel Street 1:00pm to 4:00pm Capacity: 40 students Meal Choice of Poached Salmon or Vegetarian Dish Cost: $15 for course materials*

Sunday, March 13, 2 0 0 5 Work & Study Abroad Breakfast: Guidelines for Success This workshop will discuss the advantages of working and studying abroad and examine the steps needed to enhance your chances of succeeding.

Janice Tester, Career Development Officer at McGiB's Career and Placement Service Martlet House, Main Floor Conference Room: 930am to 1130am Capacity: 40 students First Year on the Job You've got the job, nowwhat? This business and workplace etiquette seminar will teach you howto succeed at your newjob, the do and don'ts of being the new person inthe office, and howto climb the com pany ladder.

Janice Tester, Career Development Officer at McGiB's Career and Placement Service Martlet House, Gales Room, 2nd Floor: 1130am to 130pm Capacity: 40 students Is Grad School Right for Me? Interested ingraduate studies, but not sure if it’s the right career move for you? Join us for a discussion on what to expect fromgraduate and post-doctoral studies, and if they are nght for you.

Martha Crago BA'68, MA'70, PhD'88 Associate Provost (Academic Programs) of McGffl University Martlet House, Main Floor Conference Room: 1130am to 130pm Capacity: 40 students Please note: All seminars are strictly educational ■" nature.

’ Please mail cheque payable to "McGill University" to Backpack to Briefcase, Martlet House, 1430 Peel Street, Montreal, QC, H3A3T3. Cash acceptable if exact change is hand deSvered

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