The McGill Tribune Vol. 15 Issue 25

P u b lis h e d b y t h e S t u d e n t s ’ S o c ie t y o f M c G i l l U n i v e r s i t y

M

A p r il 2 n d ,

1996

c G IL L

T R I B U In

D o m in o C o n f id e

N V o lu m e

E ! 5 Issu e i

this week “Dialogue in the Dark” at the Juste Pour Rire News Students in Alberta vote to withdraw from CFS. Page 4

Science New MD/MBA program at McGill.

Page 2

Features SEX! SEX! SEX! Plus bras and organ thieves.

Page 11

Entertainment G-boys, Kids in the Hall, and blanket snookie.

Page 21

Sports Words with Red Fisher, plus a massive Year in Review.

Page 25.

Surf th e Tribune Website:

http://www.accent.net/dru mmer/tribune P o w e re d b y A ccen t In te rn e t

C o lu m n ists David Bushnell.............Page 8 Susan P eters..................... Page 7 Cornell W righ t.............Page 7

D e p a rtm e n ts Crossword.........................Page 8 Observer.....................Page 8-9 What’s O n .................. Page 31

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The room is p itch b la ck .

Eleven pairs of fum bling hands grope w a lls , o b jects and each other. No, it’s not Friday night at D iS a lv io ’ s, i t ’ s T u esd ay and w e ’ re at the M usée Juste Pour Rire’ s exhibition “Dialogue in the Dark”.

“W hen did yo u lo se yo u r sig h t?” a w om an’ s voice asks.

Michael Killey, our guide and co­ ordinator for the show, answers our q u estio n s p a tie n tly as we struggle to learn about the condi­ tion of blindness, not ju st for a half hour tour, but for life.

“Dialogue in the Dark” is an international project that started in G erm an y, m oved through Europe, and is now attracting a lot of attention throughout North America.

Its German creator, Andreas H einecke, used to work for the Frankfurt Institute for the Blind. “ [H ein ecke] cam e up w ith the id e a and he w as p u ttin g together a promotional team and he grabbed me from the Brussels

g ro u p ...a n d th a t’ s how I got involved,” Killey explains.

Part of the r a is o n d ’ê t r e of the show is to e lu c id a te how blindness can lead to the develop­ ment of other senses and result in a different way of perceiving the world.

“W e listen more in ten sely because w e’ re not distracted by the visual stuff...It’s an advantage because you don’t make ju d g e­ ments about people based on their w h o le ap p earan ce or other things.”

“I function mostly with my ears,” explains Killey. “When I’m walking, I’m getting all my direc­ tional information from my ears.

I’m just using my cane to pickup sidewalks or objects that I might bump into. But if I’m using my ears right and I’m following the traffic right a lot of that stuff gets moved to the side.”

In fact, all through the tour, our group was completely reliant on the sound of M ichael’ s voice, [ guidin g us through a garden, a J Continued on Page 21 »

Building on an honours thesis: Moshe Safdie B y Jo n O 'B rien

tem,” became Habitat ‘67.

In November 1990, architec­ Imagine you’re an architecture ture critic Witold Rybczynski wrote student and a company actually in the N ew York Times, “Montreal builds your honours thesis. Then has several outstanding buildings, im agine yourself 30 years later, but unlike any other Canadian city, reading a New York Tim es architec­ it also has at least one work that has ture review that claimed your build­ become known internationally and ing was one of the best in Montreal. whose place in the history of archi­ This is Moshe Safdie’s reality. tecture is assured. I am referring to Over three decades later, the Habitat, which was designed by McGill-Queen’ s University Press Moshe Safdie and built as part of will publish a book celebrating over Expo, the world’ s fair which the 100,000 pieces of his works, due city was host to in 1967.” out this spring.

Habitat ‘67 is still inhabited, Safdie, while studying archi­ lyin g on the banks of the Saint tecture at McGill in the early 1960s, Laurent between the Lachine Canal became interested in public housing and Ile Sainte-Hélène. and concentrated his honours thesis Safdie, building on this early on the topic. With time and a few success, has gone on to design the major changes, the thesis, “A three- new wing of the Montreal Museum dimensonal modular building sys­ of Fine Arts, the National Gallery

of C anada in O ttaw a, and the Vancouver Public Library, to list only a few of his Canadian projects.

Safdie has offices in Montreal, Toronto, Boston and Jerusalem. An international architect, Safdie has designed buildings in Asia, Europe, North A m erica and the M iddle East.

Following the success of the M cG ill grad uate, the C anadian Architecture Collection of McGill requested that Safdie begin devel­ oping an archive at McGill in the 1980s.

In 1990, the archive began col­ lecting drawings, slides, models, photographs and sketchbooks that documented Safdie’s projects.

“None of us realised how big the arch ive w as,” said Irena Murray, the Safdie Project Director at M cG ill. “When the first two shipments of Safdie’s works arrived and we counted the drawings, we immediately were in over 100,000 drawings, and this didn’t count the slides, the models, the photographs, the project files...It is by far the largest archive that we have.”

To m anage the arch ives, Murray requested funding from the federal government, which provid­ ed the collection with a grant on the grounds that a book be published and that an exh ib itio n of the Continued on Page 15 »

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April 2nd, 1996

New SSMU crew talks shop B y T yla B erch to ld

Last Thursday, a brand new council gathered in Shatner 107 to discuss proposals for SSMU next year.

President-elect Chris Carter gave an outline of his proposals for the summer. His goal w ill be to establish several task forces outside of the SSMU executive structure to deal with specific issues. Among these will be task forces on tuition, safety, accessibility, francophones, LBGTM, women, and people of colour. Furthermore, there w ill be reports prepared on restructuring the representational structure of council.

“The present situation that we find ourselves in, within the McGill community, throughout Quebec and Canada, means that it is vital that we have an effective, organised and productive SSMU council,” Carter stated in an introductory letter to councillors. “[T]he entire education system on both a Quebec and Canadian-wide level will be facing co n siderable changes over this year.”

VP Finance-elect Jon Chomski also intends to go full speed ahead with his proposed dental plan. He felt that council appreciated the pro­ posal.

“It was well received,” he said.

“But then, I don’t think anyone will be takin g the an ti-d ental plan stand.”

Chomski also explained that he will keep a close eye on the re-negotiation of the contract between McGill and SSMU, which expires in November. The types of things included in the agreement are the rental of the Shatner b uilding, McGill staff employed by SSMU and the use of the McGill name and logo. Further, Chomski hopes to ensure that SSMU receives the best prices for products received from outside firms.

“I plan on using my contacts in the business community to ensure that the SSMU always gets the best possible p rice,” he stated in his report to council.

Mark Feldman, the VP inter­ nal-elect, informed council about his idea for a great way to get publicity for an organisation; the Campus Events monthly bulletin.

“Available across campus and on the World Wide Web, Campus Events will keep the entire McGill community informed about every­ thing happening on and around cam­ pus,” he stated in his report to coun­ cil. “It w ill be a place to look for what’s going on.”

When questioned how he felt about the first council m eeting, Feldman stated that it was very pos­ itive.

Don McGowan, who will soon assume the position of VP universi­ ty affairs, was absent from the meet­ ing. H owever he did subm it a

report. Next year, McGowan plans to draft a policy to ensure confiden­ tia lity for survivors of sexual assault.

Further, McGowan hopes to in v estigate the extent to which Principal Bernard Shapiro intends to privatise McGill.

“During the summer, I will cor­ ner Shapiro and insist that he give me some sort of plan to explain how he plans to p riv a tise ,” stated M cG ow an’ s report to council.

“When the U n iversity A ffairs Planning Committee of Council returns in the fa ll, we w ill have Shapiro’s blueprint upon which to comment.”

Chantal Da Silva, VP externalelect also plans to keep busy this summer. She intends to coordinate efforts w iththe Quebec Public Interest and Research Group and the Milton Park Citizen Group to launch a new recyclin g program in the McGill ghetto. Further, she intends to lay the foundations for the implemention of the 1994 Ghetto Safety Audit and to continue lobbying the provinicial and federal governments with regard to the funding of educa­ tion.

Da Silva felt positive about the first meeting of council. “ In my case I thought I’d have lots of questions to field but it went w ell. Everyone seem ed re a lly friendly and I think we’re going to have a good group,” she said.

Teaching doctors to do business B y S t e ph a n P atten

Scien ce in ce 1829 M cG ill has been train in g doctors. B eginn in g next year, it w ill attempt to make some of them good businessmen too.

In September 1996, five peo­ ple will be admitted into McGill’s new MD/MBA program. Over the course of five years, they will take both business and medicine cours­ es and graduate with a joint degree in busin ess ad m in istratio n and medicine.

Dr. Nelson Mitchell, associate dean of Admissions in the Faculty of M edicine, explained the need for such a program by referring to hospital closures and severe bud­ get cuts to health care.

“In c re a sin g ly in North America, health care delivery is requiring management skills,” he explained.

The joint degree w ill provide doctors w ith the business tools necessary to become research lab­ orato ry and h o sp ital d irectors.

S

Mitchell feels they should also be involved in health care m anage­ ment.

“It is not appropriate for doc­ tors not to be part of this process,” said Mitchell.

The entire first year w ill be d ed icated to b u sin ess co urses taugh t in the F acu lty of Management. The remaining MBA requirem ents w ill be com pleted

“It’s going to be a really tough course. They have no holidays to speak of.” during free time in the four year medical curriculum.

“It’ s going to be a really tough course,” Mitchell said. “They have no holidays to speak of.”

Dr. David S. M ulder , from the M ontreal General H ospital, chairs the Department of Surgery — the type of position which the MD/MBA program w ill aim its graduates. He w as p leased that McGill is creating the joint degree.

“It’s a positive step,” he said.

“We have lots of directors going

out and getting MBAs.” In order to get the program up and running this September how­ ever, some requirements had to be cut.

For example, the GMAT is a standardised test normally required for applications to MBA programs.

This requirement however, will be w aiv e d for ap p lican ts to the Septem ber 1996 session of the MD/MBA program.

Further, the application dead­ line has been prolonged. For the September 1996 session, applica­ tions w ill be accepted until April 15. The deadline for the September 1997 session is December 1996.

Ian B illin g s le y , a U3 b io ­ chemistry student, hopes to be a part of the MD/MBA program this September. He anticipates that the program w ill prepare him for the challenges faced by hospital direc­ tors.

“W ith the ch an ges in the health care environment and what is going on in hospitals, to be a good d irecto r you h ave to be kn o w ledgeab le in m anagem ent issues,” he said.

The M cG ill T ribune is published by the Students’ Society of McGill University William Shatner University Centre, Rm B01 A, rue McTavish Montréal, Québec,. CAN ADA H3A 1X9 v AdvertisingOff.ee: (514)398-6806 Editorial Office; (514)398-6789/3666 Fax: (514)398-7490

Administration takes a bite out of scholarship endowments B y Ja s o n S ig u r d s o n ____________

Decapitalisation and increas­ ing service fees continue to erode the effectiveness of donors’ gifts to McGill. The university claim s that these measures were im ple­ mented in order to recover past in d ire c t co sts asso cia ted w ith adm inistrative handling of these moneys.

In the 1994-95 school year, an amount equivalent to 25 per cent of the return on endowments was removed from the principle dona­ tio n s held by the u n iv e rsity .

Endowments are used for purposes that include library acquisitions, student aid and scholarships. The Financial Report to the Board of Governors states that the decision to decapitalise furnished the uni­ v e rsity w ith $ 3 ,8 6 3 ,0 0 0 from endowments.

A sso ciate P ro fesso r of M athem atics and S tatistics and C h air of the S ch o larsh ip s Subcom m ittee Roger R igelh o f, feels that efforts to recover the costs of adm inistering endowed funds have been sufficient.

“The impression I had gotten [from the preliminary budget doc­ ument] was that scholarships had been getting a free ride. But for a number of years, a six per cent charge has been taken from [the proceeds of] endowed gifts. It’s a line item in the budget, in black and w hite — roughly $1.5 m il­ lion,” he stated.

This year, the McGill admin­ istration introduced a new two per cent fee that will increase to 10 per cent over the next four years. The amount rem oved from the pro­ ceeds of endowments w ill effec­ tively be 16 per cent by the year 2000.

V ice P rin cip al A d m in istratio n and F in ance Phyllis Heaphy is confident that this move is appropriate.

“We really think that 16 per cent is reasonable overall and we hope that by the performance of the investments that we can still do well,” she said.

Continued on Page 3 »

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Editorial Office;

Letters must include author’s name, signature, identification (e.g. U2 Biology, SSMU President) and telephone number and be typed double-spaced or submitted on disk in Macintosh or IBM word processor format Letters more than 300 words, pieces for ‘Stop The Press’ more than 500 words, or submissions judged by the Editorin-Chief to be libellous, sexist racist or homophobic will not be published. The T ribune reserves the right o edit letters for length. Place submissions in the T ribune mail box, across from the SSMU front desk or FAX to 398-7490. Columns appearing under ‘Editorial’ heading are decided upon by the editorial board and written y a member of the editorial board. All other opinions are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily retlect the opinions of th e M cG ill T ribune, its editors or its staff. P lea se r e c y c l e this n e w s p a p e r . _________________

R ig e lh o f m ain tain s that endowed projects need to pay for themselves, but he questions the legitim acy of how the size of the service fee was determined.

“B asically I have no objection to there being a charge to recover expenses, but what needs justifica­ tion is that once this is implement­ ed, it will amount to a 16 per cent charge,” stated Rigelhof. “Whether you can say that it [administration] costs us 16 per cent, 20 per cent or 10 per cent, it’ s something that we don’t know. I don’t think the 16 per cent is based on a firm analysis of what the scholarship and bur­ sary funds cost,” he commented.

In a letter to the M cG ill News, Heaphy stated that an additional surcharge placed on the returns of endowment investm ents w ill be used to reduce the accum ulated deficit.

“This charge w ill go towards red u cin g the d e fic it and w ill amount to approximately $10 mil­ lion over the five years that it is in place,” stated Heaphy’s letter.

Furtherm ore, H eaphy feels that using the proceeds of donors’ gifts in this m anner is the best strategy for the university.

“Lets say we h aven ’ t done that — it would ju st mean more negative impact on everyone,” she maintained.

Don McGowan, director of the M cG ill L egal Inform ation C lin ic and incom ing SSMU VP u n iv e rsity a f fa irs , fin d s the removal of capital from principle donations problematic.

“These people [donors] ear­ marked the scholarship — I think it is more reasonable to assume that donors want all of their money given to student aid to go to stu­ dent aid than it is to assume that they don’t,” he said.

He also addressed the depreci­ atin g effects of in flatio n on endowed funds.

“I th in k its reaso n ab le to assume that these people weren’t

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April 2nd, 1996

N eW S

Page 3

No more tuition line-ups: go straight to the bank to pay fees /

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D ire ct on-campus tuition payment is no longer accepted; however, students were not consulted on changes B y N o a h G itterman

McGill w ill no longer accept fee payments directly from students.

All fees will have to be paid by mail or directly through a chartered bank. This decision has already been advertised in the McGill D aily and the McGill Tribune, and a notice will be sent with all fee statem ents this summer.

The decision was made by the Comptroller’s office, and was approved by the Budget Planning Group, an advisory committee to P rincipal Bernard Shapiro.

M ary Jo McCullogh, the accoun­ tant in charge of the stu­ dents’ accounts office and accounts receivable, explained that it was sim p ly a reaction to decreasing budgets.

“W e’ re facin g a reduction in staff, and that is why we can no longer offer services to allow students to pay here,” she said.

McCullogh also stressed that the change is not a drastic one.

Students have always been able to pay by mail and through the banks, and paying in this manner is a much quicker process.

“Students can just as easily pay by mail and avoid the line-up at the students’ accounts office,” she said.

“It was not seen as a tremendous inconvenience to implement this measure.”

Outgoing PGSS President Stephen Targett was nonetheless concerned with the change in policy.

“This decision is taking a little chunk of the university and privatis­ ing it,” he said. “It seems strange to

’ ' ' of a body that no longer think accepts money directly from the people concerned.”

L isa Grushcow, outgoing SSMU VP university affairs, was not so much upset about the decision as with the w ay in which it was made. She did not think students

would mind paying their fees by other means, but wanted assurance that the university would still be open to students’ questions about their fees and payments.

“It’s all right as long as those services of information and guid­ ance aren’ t removed,” Grushcow said.

McCullogh responded that her office will still be open to students.

“We are still here to answer all questions, we are just trying to make fee payments a simple thing,” she said. “We mean to provide better service in that regard, instead of merely being a collection point.”

Grushcow’ s biggest concern, however, was with the lack of stu­ dent involvement in the decision.

She pointed out that the BPG, which approved the new policy, does not

Endowments...

U Continued from Page 2 just donating $4,000 — they were donating the value of $4,000,” he continued.

However, Heaphy feels that high returns on the in v ested endowments has m inim ised any detrim ental effects that may be caused by the one time decapitali­ sation.

“We had an excellent year last year,” she reported. “We made so much that we met inflation even with decapitalisation.”

N onetheless, cost recovery and ad d itio n al surch arges w ill have a detrim ental effect on all areas benefiting from endowed

2

funds. Scholarship Coordinator June Morrier sees the administra­ tion’s actions as having a negative impact on students’ scholarships.

“B ecau se we have less money, we will have to offer fewer scholarships. The full implications will not be known until five years down the line,” she stated.

Rigelhof feels that the admin­ istrations’ solutions to the deficit problem should come from a dif­ ferent source.

“I’m sure the principal would love to pay off the debt [and] that’s something I’m all for — just leave scholarships alone,” he con­ cluded.

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have any student representatives.

“It seem s unacceptable and inappropriate that a decision that will affect students to this extent has been made without student input,” she said.

The BPG is involved in all bud­ get decisions. The Principal and all

the vice principals sit on the com­ mittee.

“A ll the heavyweights are on it,” Grushcow said.

There is also room for two members of Senate, but no specific position for students. Vice Principal Finance and Administration Phyllis Heaphy, who chairs the BPG. does not think that there should be a stu­ dent seat on the committee.

“It’ s sim ply a group which advises the principal,” she said. “It is not supposed to take representatives from a wide body.”

Furthermore, Heaphy stated that there was no reason why stu­ dents could not get on the committee through the positions reserved for Senators.

“There is nothing stopping Senate from putting two students on

this committee,” she said.

But Grushcow explained that it would be very difficult to get Senate to agree to put students instead of staff on the committee. She feels that a specific student seat is neces­ sary.

“The university should not for­ get democracy in its attempts to save money,” she said. “Should there be channels making decisions without student input?”

T argett echoed G rushcow’ s

The Students’ Society of McGill University is seeking candidates for the following positions: *Frosh Leaders* *Old McGill *96 Editor-in-Chief* *Used Text Book Exchange Coordinator* Open to any McGill student.

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concerns.

“The current adm inistration does not seem to have a lot of time for the students’ point of view,” he commented.

Grushcow wants to move quickly on getting student represen­ tation on BPG, perhaps by bringing it up at Senate tomorrow.

“Hopefully we will press that issue at the next Senate meeting,” she said.

Our sincerest thanks to all our News Writers.

Descriptions and applications for each position can be picked up at the SSMU front counter in the William Shatner University Centre.

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April 2nd, 1996 Page 4 N C W S

Province of Alberta now official CFS free zone B y Sa r a Jean G reen______________

L ast w eek, students at the U n iversity of L ethbridge voted overwhelmingly to withdraw from the C anadian Federation of Students. As of July 1, CFS will no longer have any active members in Alberta.

The L ethbridge Stud en ts’ Union is a founding member of CFS which was formed 15 years ago to represent student interests at both the federal and provincial levels. In a referendum held last week, 82 per cent of students who voted at the University of Lethbridge endorsed the Students’ Union’ s motion to leave CFS. Lethbridge and Mount Royal University College in Calgary were, until recently, the only schools in A lberta w hich w ere still active members of CFS. The Mount Royal Students’ Association also held a referendum earlier this month; 70 per cent of students who voted wished to terminate membership in CFS. Linda Vardy, outgoing chair of the CFS Alberta component, stat­ ed that students in Alberta no longer feel that their interests are being

represented by CFS. “The feeling in Alberta regard­ ing CFS is one of frustration. For a number of years this has been build­ ing, but this year it rose to unbeliev­ able levels,” she said.

Arthur Wong, president of the Lethbridge Students’ Union, was pleased with the results of the refer­ endum.

“Our school voted highly in favour of getting out. If CFS ever cleans up its act and focuses their go als on lob b yin g the go vern ­ ment...we’ ll decide on whether or not we want to regain membership,” he said. “I’m very happy students made the decision that they did.”

H ow ever, CFS N ational Treasurer Cassandra Conen, who was present at the U niversity of Lethbridge during the referendum campaign period, contends that the ‘No’ committee perpetuated numer­ ous lies about the Federation.

“There were a lot of blatant lies being spread. They said that we fooled around with our books and that we are $200,000 in debt and have budgeted for a $40,000 d eficit,” said Conen. “The ‘No’ committee did students a real injus­

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tice by lowering the level of debate by not talk in g about studen ts’ issues. It’s unfortunate that we lost the University of Lethbridge.”

Internal politics One of the main reasons both Lethbridge and Mount Royal decid­ ed to hold referenda is because there is a decisive rift between the mem­ ber students’ associations and the CFS national executive. A lot of contention arose last February when

“The problem is not with C F S in Alberta, but with the card car­ rying members of the Young Progressive Conservatives...” the Alberta component attempted to im peach Zahra Habib, the CFS national executive representative for Alberta.

Student representatives at both Lethbridge and Mount Royal have cited dissatisfaction with Habib as one reason why both students’ asso­ ciations decided to hold referenda to withdraw from CFS. After both students’ associa­ tions voted unanimously to impeach Habib, the decision was taken to the CFS national executive for ratifica­ tion. However, the impeachment was overruled on a technicality.

A ccording to P resident of the Mount Royal Students’ Association Jackie Fisher, the CFS national executive ruled that quorum was not met when the decisio n to im peach Habib w as made.

Although the University of Calgary

Graduate Students’ A ssociation held a successful referendum to pull out of CFS in 1993, CFS still recog­ n ises them as mem bers.

Furthermore, CFS contends that A ugustana U n iversity C o llege Students’ Union is also a member, even though the union is not eligable for membership because it is not incoporated. Fisher explained that quorum could never be reached in Alberta because of these circum­ stances.

“The CFS National Executive refused to recognise our decision of impeachment because according to CFS by-laws, we didn’t have quo­ rum. The reason we didn’ t have quorum is because a number of schools say they are not members of CFS because they pulled out in ref­ erenda, but CFS says that they are still members,” Fisher said. “We took this d ecisio n p erso n ally because when Zahra Habib was elected, there was still the same lack of quorum. The autonomy of the [Alberta] component was seriously jeopardised by that decision.”

“CFS s till reco gn ises Augustana and the U niversity of Calgary grads as members but nei­ ther recognises themselves as mem­ bers,” stated Fisher. “There are a lot of inconsistencies but I’m sure CFS will continue to keep those names on their books — it won’t be openly admitted that they have no members in Alberta.”

Although the issue of quorum was initially debated, CFS did not reco gn ise the im peachm ent of Habib because of apparent problems with procedure. Because Habib was in Ottawa attending a national exec­ utive meeting when the resolution of impeachment was passed, CFS argued that the by-law s were not followed since Habib was not pre­

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sent at the meeting. “[The Alberta schools] had the opportunity to remove me using proper procedures,” said Habib.

“They’re grasping at straws to make things look like the national execu­ tiv e is p la yin g a gam e of favouritism. At the time, they were informed to follow procedure or change the by-law s but no effort was made to pass some kind of standing resolution,” Habib stated.

Because of how much weight the CFS gave to the procedural problems, members of the Alberta component feel as though they have lost their voice at the national level due to the estranged relationship between the component and Habib.

“W e rem oved our national executive officer...but she refused to obey her [constituents] and Habib asked the national executive not to ratify our decision [to im peach h e r],” said V ard y. “T h ere’ s an am azing amount of frustration because we don’t feel we are being represented on the national level.

B ecause the national executive failed to show leadership to help sort out the problems, w e’ ve lost faith with the national executive.”

Regional differences Vardy also argued that because Habib did not step down after the vote of non-confidence, the Alberta stud en ts’ position in figh tin g Premier Ralph Klein’s cuts to post­ secondary education was weakened.

“If [Habib] had stepped down, the students of Alberta could have had an organisation that could work for them. Students here are frustrat­ ed that one person w as ab le to hijack everything,” she said. “Mike Harris [Premier of Ontario] learned all his tricks from Ralph Klein. We could have combated those things with a strong organisation but we were weakened.”

CFS Quebec N ational E xecutive rep and incom ing National Chair Brad Lavigne criti­ cised members of the Alberta com­ ponent for not focusing their ener­ gies on fighting the Klein cuts.

“They should be fighting the government...not other students.

The problem is not with CFS in Alberta, but with the card-carrying members of the Young Progressive Conservatives that are running the stud en ts’ a sso cia tio n s,” said Lavigne. “Lethbridge is a war zone and that spills over into the Alberta component and then spills over to the national level. It has more to do with local politics because for a number of years, Lethbridge was a very strong m em ber of the Federation.”

However, student politicians at both the University of Lethbridge and Mount R o yal U n iversity College have further expressed dis­ content with what they see as a lack of effectiveness on the part of CFS. “We feel we’re not being rep­ resented by CFS. We feel they’re no longer focusing on issues such as education, accessibility and student loans. None of their lobbying efforts have been effective since they lost [Kelly] Lamrock,” stated Wong. “In the last two years we haven’t seen anything proactive by CFS except rallyin g — and their rallies have had poor attendance,” Wong said.

April 2nd, 1996 N eW S

Page 5

Carlson wins PGSS presidency; graduate student fees to go up B y C ullen P rice

Elections for the Post Graduate Students’ So ciety were held by mail-in ballots over the two weeks prior to the March 25 deadline.

Three referen d a w ere also held, asking for three different fee levies. Out of approximately 5,500 students, 604 ballots were returned, and 332 were considered valid ref­ erenda votes.

PGSS President-elect Linda C arlson was optim istic that the number of voters had gone up this year, but admitted that the number was still very low.

“It’ s a real shame but that’ s always the problem with graduate students b ecause they are so spread-out and it’ s hard to commu­ nicate with them,” she said.

Despite the low turnout, the five per cent needed for quorum was met to valididate the election.

C arlson was elected PGSS president of the executive council, d efeatin g incum bent Stephen Targett by 91 votes. There were only two other contested positions, those of VP university affairs and VP finance, where Anna Kruzinsky and Humeria Iqtidar won respec­ tiv ely. A ll other positions were filled by acclamation and all candi­ dates have been ratified . Sad af Siddiqui will sit in the VP adminis­ tration’ s chair along with Charles Boulakia as VP internal and Erin Runions as VP external.

Carlson is eager to get started by putting the PG SS’ s financial

affairs in order. PGSS has an is currently a national member. The approxim ated debt of $30,000, question was defeated 235 to 217. mainly due to the operation costs of Carlson expressed regret over Thompson House. the narrow defeat of the CFS ques­ “The first thing we have done tion. is pass a by-law requiring a bal­ “It’s going to hurt in terms of anced b u d get,” she said. “What we want to do is get someone on staff w ho’ s got some experience in marketing and com­ munications because we need to increase revenues by getting people in drin kin g beer and com ing to the restaurant.”

Outgoing p resi­ dent T argett feels council w ill have a very different atmos­ phere under Carlson.

“It’s going to be quite a different year on council next year,” he said . “The new executive is a more conservative group.

But I must give Linda [Carlson] credit — she is becoming our representation on the provincial more vocal.” level because [the] money was for [co-ordinating] with the other local CFS and N ightline members of the provincial CFS to really work on lobbying the provin­ During the referendum period, cial government [who] set the fund­ graduate students were asked to ing for education,” she stated. endorse a Canadian Federation of Carlson also explained that this Students-Quebec levy of $3.05 per does not affect the relationship term, which would generate fund­ between PGSS and the CFS nation­ ing for PGSS’s participation in the al executive. provincial operations of CFS. PGSS “We are still members of the

federal CFS. We still pay the bills as we have since we joined. [The levy] was so we could establish a Quebec component,” she said.

Stephen T argett speculated why the question was not approved.

“I supported the [le v y ] w ith some reservations. I felt the amount asked for was too much,” he said.

Targett went on to point out that important provincial lobbying work w ill sim p ly continue as before.

“The movement will have to be volun­ teer based,” he said.

In another refer­ endum, a large major­ ity approved a 25 cent per term lev y to go tow ards M cG ill Nightline, a telephone listening and referral service for students.

A third referen­ dum question, con­ cerning graduate students fees, asked for a one time fee payment of 10.72 per term next year. It passed with a vote of 260. Graduate stu­ dents also agreed to increase their annual fees to PGSS by $4.18 per term.

M aking liasons Carlson hopes to ensure that PGSS is involved in the future of

McGill.

“W e are r e a lly concerned about what is going on in the uni­ versity in terms of tuition fees and privatisation,” she said. “So, we are working to make sure that...gradu­ ate students are involved in all the committees and the decision mak­ ing on the future of McGill.”

She further stated that increased co-operation between PGSS and SSMU is vital to ensure that students’ concerns are heard.

“There has always been a lot of tension betw een SSM U and PGSS and that’s something I want to work on this year,” she said. “It helps to share resources instead of arguing about small things.”

Carlson pointed out that debate over membership in national stu­ dents’ organisations is hindering co-operation. SSMU is currently a member of the Canadian Alliance of Students’ A ssociations, while PGSS belongs to CFS. “I’ m aware of policy differ­ ences, but overall both organisa­ tions are trying to make things bet­ ter for students and I think it’s silly to lose sight of that,” she said.

For his part, Targett hopes to remain active with council next year and agrees with Carlson that there is need for greater co-opera­ tion between M cG ill’ s students’ societies. Also, both incoming and outgoing presidents concur on the subject of increasing graduate stu­ dent participation in PGSS elec­ tions and Thompson House activi­ ties.

BE A P A R T O F H IS TO R Y

Com e celebrate convocation!

1996 graduates are invited to a reception on the main campus for graduating students, guests and the McGill community.

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McGill

T h u rsd a y s Ju n e 6 th 5 :0 0 p m to 7 :3 0 p m Freeadmission.

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In conjunction with Town & Gown '96.

Graduating students w ill receive two free beverage tickets. Please visit the A lum ni A ssociation’s W elcom e Booth to pick up your tickets.

April 2nd, 1996

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Published by the Students’ Society of McGill University

Letters ...to the Editor

M cG ILLTR IB U N E

T he im p o rta n ce o f b e in g ea rn est

‘Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.”

- B.F Skinner S ylvie B a b a r ik

E d it o r -in -c h ie f Io y c e L a u

A ssista n t E d it o r - in - c h ie f

E d ito r ia l

Grad disenchantment B y S ylvie B a b a r ik

______________ ________________

“When 1 get older, I'm going to go to McGill,” thought the child. "I am going to love what I study because I’ll finally be the one deciding what courses to take.”

“The library will be my favourite place. Everyday I 11 settle in between the thousands of books and I'll dive into my work with the knowl­ edge that everything 1 learn is another brick in the road to ‘Accomplishment’ .”

“Most of my professors will know my name, and, often times, when 1 cross path with them in the hall, we’ ll get into enriching discussions.”

As I prepare to graduate from McGill, I smirk at such ideas.

1 did spend the lion’s share of my first three years in the library.

Unfortunately, my fellow students and my own day dreams distracted me from the black and white pages on which I was later tested. As a result, my academic accomplishments are average. Many a graduate can attest to the fact that ‘average’ does not get you a job related to your field ot study.

Presumably, I have learned things at McGill. For example, I know a little about Rousseau’s writings, I have a vague understanding of the fac­ tors involved the fall of Yugoslavia, and 1 know that at the core of micro­ economics principles, one is allowed to compare apples and oranges.

Though not to my credit, I have also mastered the ability to write a term paper in three days. If only I had tried a little harder...

And how do I feel about the institution that I so esteemed as a Montreal child?

Professor Brawley actually does know my name. Professor Black seemed genuinely concerned about my poor performance in one of his classes. Hopefully-one-day-to-be-tenured ‘professor’ MacLean made me seriously evaluate my beliefs through the class she taught on feminism. As for the rest, the only obvious thing that sticks out in my mind is that many seem to fear students. A look of oh-no-this-person-wants-extra-gradesbecause-they-are-applying-to-law-school too often appears on the face of professors. (For the record, I have never been interested going to law school.) If only professors had tried a little harder...

In terms of the institution proper, I feel as though I have been at the mercy of a group of bureaucratic untouchables. I only know of their exis­ tence because I have had to prove that I actually got a grade in given class, or because I have had to try to reach some of them when writing Tribune articles. .

On one occasion, I set out to collect a copy of the recommendations that each dean and director submitted to Principal Shapiro prior to the release of “Towards a New McGill.” (During the summer of 1995, he had asked them to respond to seven of questions on how they felt their depart­ ment could save money and be restructured.) Shapiro’s office refused to release the submissions, and after two weeks of trying, the dean of arts was the only one who agreed to give me a copy of his recommendations... the amended version, of course.

Such documents are not, and should not be construed as confidential.

Moreover, they are extremely relevant to students as they clearly impact on the fate of their studies. If only administrators had tried a little harder...

A critic may be in a safe and convenient position. However, in this case, I take no comfort.

Give me my diploma and release me onto the world. I have no more reason to feel attached to McGill.

Perhaps, one day, when my disenchantment fades, I’ll do like the rest of my generation and go back to school. But for now, all I have is a sense of discouragement.

certainly impassioned me.

As students, our most powerful weapon is our voice. I am writing this letter out of concern that this voice is not being heard — or per­ haps not being amplified.

Through the SSM U 1996 spring campaign period, the most important thing I learned is that information is readily accessible to every student at McGill. The SSMU office is always open for business and ready to provide students with answers. The most disheartening aspect of the campaign was blatant apathy. For every interested stu­ dent, I came across 15indifferent students. I do not believe that these students are ignorant; they simply are not well informed. But it is the studen t’ s re sp o n sib ility to get informed — one does not require a SSMU executive in order to do so.

Monday [March 18], there was an open forum w ith P rin cip al Shapiro; everyone was given the chance to listen and the opportunity to speak. This event was the climax of my introduction to politics at McGill. I witnessed intelligent, con­ scien tio us students speak their minds and saw that every student has not only the right, but the duty to do the same. I strongly support the idea of an estates general, and should it materialise, I encourage everyone to attend.

In the m eantim e, I im plore every student to take the initiative and find out what is happening to M cG ill. Our school is rap id ly evolving and if we do not actively participate at this crucial stage in McGill history, the student voice will be ignored. We cannot afford to let that happen. Pick up a copy of S h ap iro ’ s Towards A New McGill, SSM U’s Making McGill, or even The Report of the Task Force. Take the time to find out what is going on before your very eyes. It is sure to captivate you; it

C arrie G oldstein U1 S cien ce E arnest, p a rt II Rarely do I pay much attention to the student elections that happen at this time of year. When I do vote I often don’t know who the candi­ dates are nor what they expect to accomplish if they win.

This year I familiarised myself w ith the candidates running for positions on the MBSU (M cG ill B io lo gy Student U nion). I was intent on voting particularly since I’ ve seen the same faces on that council year after year. I feel it’ s time for new people with new ideas.

Many of my fellow biology under­ grads think that the MBSU council is a clique and I agree.

This past week I asked a class­ mate who ran as a candidate when the elections were going to be held.

W ell, I missed them. I never saw posters or advertisements for the MBSU elections. The SSMU elec­ tion is w idely advertised and it’ s difficult to miss a polling station during election days. Of course departmental elections are much smaller but as someone who’ s in the Stewart Biology building every day and intent on casting a ballot, there is certainly a lack of advertis­ ing.

SUS by-laws state in the elec­ toral regulations that “The date, time and location of the polls will be published in the Tribune” (article 6.1). The MBSU did not do this and that’ s the minimum they should have done. It’s their job to advertise all relevant events. There’s never a problem hearing about Bio Beer B ashes at G ert’ s. W hether the M BSU council intended to or not,they are protecting the clique.

And for another year, their weekly beer and pizza parties w ill only

in clud e them and th eir clo sest friends.

I question the interests of the people on the MBSU council who exist to serve the students of their department.

S tephanie Felkai U3 B io lo g y S co ld in g CASA a ga in Did anyone else notice C A SA ’ s latest faux pas? In the T rib u n e of M arch 12, CASA launched a “n atio n al” postcard campaign directed at Doug Young, the Minister of Transport. Is CASA unaware that education falls under the portfolio of the M inister of Human R esources and Development?

Is CASA unaw are that if it wants to sway the government’ s policy on education, it shouldn’t be w astin g its tim e and M c G ill’ s money on lobbying the Minister of Transport? Is CASA, apparently a lobby group, unaware that there was a cabinet shuffle a few months ago that moved Doug Young from Transport to HRD? In the same issu e, C A SA ’ s national director talked about how effectiv e a lobby o rgan isatio n CASA was. He made excuses for not being on Parliam ent H ill on Budget Day. Just as CASA should know that it should be addressing its postcards to the proper person, C A SA should also know that B udget Day is one of the most important day for student lobby o rgan isatio n s. M aybe C A S A ’ s national d irector co uld n ’ t find Parliament Hill on Budget Day. If this is C A SA ’ s attempt to sway government opinion or attract media attention, something CASA executives have admitted is one of their most serious problems, try again. In fact, CASA should go back to the drawing board and fig­ ure out which m inister is which before it launches a joke of a cam­ paign.

Sarah Schm idt MA 2, H istory

students not only have the right to air their opinions; they have a responsi­ b ility as fellow students to rally around and speak out against organi­ sations whose policies ultim ately hurt all of us. The philosophy of only Stairs characterises graduate paying attention to what is going on support as bitter, anti-everything, in our own back-yard is both igno­ bitchy (perhaps CASA sexism rear­ rant and dangerous. ing its head) and whiny. She also On a final note, CASA, in one claims that “the only arguments we of their most recent “campaigns,” got in this spâce were personal sent a postcard to Doug Young at the attacks on [her] cred ib ility and m inistry of transportation. That integrity.” The idea that opposition to CASA cannot even find the Ministry CASA is opposition to Andrea Stairs responsible for education is a sorry is both ridiculous and egotistical. state in which to be. CASA has gen­ Need I remind her that credibility erously armed its opposition with and integrity are two characteristics reasons not to support them during that one must w illingly submit to and beyond their campaign. Perhaps tremendous scrutiny when running for a democratic office [sic]. Grad Continued on Page 10

Stop the Press G ra d responds to VP External In last week’s Tribune, Andrea Stairs waged a childish attack on graduate students, criticising them for becoming involved in the CASA plebiscite. Stairs is resentful of grad­ uate involvement in what she consid­ ers an undergraduate affair when graduate support is not behind her politics. I doubt she would have called us “self-proclaimed parents” had graduate students defended CASA.

T yla B erchtold , Sara Jean G reen ................................................... N ews Editors Liz La u , Jo n O 'B rien ..................................................... F eatures Editors K urt N ew m a n , Rachel St o k o e ................................ E n tertainm ent Editors D a n a T oering , K ashif Z a h o o r ...................................................... Sports Editors T anim A hm ed , S h a n n o n Ro ss .........................................................P hoto Editors Stephan Patten ............................................................................ S cien ce E ditor Jo n o ' brien .................................................................... N etwork E ditor R euben L evy , C hristiane W e s t .................................. P ro d u ctio n M a n agers Pa u l S l a c h t a ...........................................................M arketing M a n a ger A nne -M arie Racin e ................................................................ ....A d sales D o n M c G o w a n , V ivian D o a n ............................................. T ypesetters A ndrew C o r m a c k ............................................. W hat’s On C oord m a tor A d a m Sennet & D rum m er & A ssociates..........................Web P a g e D esign

Staff Lynn Abrahamian, Shea Chia, Paul Conner, Marc Gilliam, Noah Gitterman, Bryant Johnson, Samantha Lapedus, Jarrad Lifshitz, Greg MacKenzie, Lyla Miller, Cullen Price, Dan Saragosti, Jason Sigurdson, Alexandra Stikeman, Tara Van Zuiden.

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April 2nd, 1996

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Parting thoughts on the words passion and commitment IColumn

Chatterbox Cornell W right

Writing this column has been one of the highlights of my time at McGill.

It has given me a re g u lar excuse to contemplate issues that lie close to my heart. I should prob­ ably confess that when I applied to be a columnist, I did so wondering where I would ever find the nerve to ventilate my personal thoughts on this public page.

E very second F riday after­ noon, I’ve arrived home from class disappointed that after a w eek’ s worth of thinking, I still had only the vaguest notion of what topic this column should tackle or what tone it should take. In evitab ly, however, I’ ve found m yself pro­ ducing far more words than could possibly fit on this page.

I decided last summer to avoid discussing SSM U in this space.

Observing SSMU from a distance for the first time in three years, I was often tempted to air my views on the state of the Union. SSMU suffered from a lack of informed criticism this year, but I preferred to pen my columns in ink rather than blood, and therefore refrained from commenting on the dubious doings of my erstwhile colleagues.

I have, however, attempted to explore many other aspects of stu­ dent life. What most concerns me about students on this campus is how accustomed we’ve become to measuring our educational worth by marks alone. W e’ re often so consum ed w ith gettin g better grades that we forget to work towards becoming better people.

I have friends who don’t read anything other than their textbooks for eight months of the year. This is a formative period in our lives. If we don’t take the time now to learn about life, to develop convictions, or to participate in our surround­ ings, we may well end up full of information but bereft of an educa­ tion.

I believe that every school be it an elem en tary school, high school or u n iv e rsity — has an o b ligatio n to help its students become better people. That’s why my last column bemoaned McGill’s seem in g ly in d ifferen t attitude towards the social success of its undergraduates. Students who feel valued as in teg ral parts of the McGill community w ill likely be more effective learners, more pro­ ductive citizens and more enthusi­ astic donors.

But each of us also has an obligation to help McGill become a better school. I wrote last w eek’s column because I believe that citi­ zenship implies saying what needs to be said. Had I wanted to salute M cG ill w ith a sin g le fin ger, I

assure you that I would have found a more expeditious means of doing so.

I fear that the words passion and commitment are losing their preeminent place in our vocabulary of virtues. We ridicule romance, we abhor activism, and we pity those naive souls who invest their time in protests and rallies rather than in pleasantries and recreation.

We who study at McGill today will graduate into a world where it will be increasingly impolitic to go against the grain. Those who speak out w ill risk being put out. I’ ve tried this year to argue the position that it is better to have dirty hands and a clean conscience than to have clean hands and a dirty conscience.

In his majestic autobiography, aptly called L ong Walk to F reedom , Nelson Mandela recounts the final public statement he made before being sentenced to life imprison­ ment for the crime of being com­ mitted to a clean conscience: “During my lifetim e I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I

have fought against black domina­ tion. I have cherished the ideal of a dem ocratic and free so ciety in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportuni­ ties. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am pre­ pared to die.”

M y hope is that more of us w ill resist the temptation to have clean hands if that also means hav­ ing a dirty conscience. My hope is that more of us will discover some­ thing grander than ourselves and more meaningful than our careers that’s worth not only fighting to preserve, but working to achieve.

May we learn to revel in how far we can reach out and to bask in how many other people we can help up. I pray that more of us will learn to value ourselves not simply for the marks we obtain, but for the quality of lives we lead, the variety of friends we hold dear, and the number of things we struggle to improve.

N ow th a t M r. W righ t h a s v a c a t e d th is s p a c e , h o w w ill w e e v e r b e co m e b etter p o ep le.

Goodbye, thanks, and let me get back to sleep Ul

Z Colum n D

CÙ Cm i

£V Black Coffee

First: Lately all I want to do is sleep. As the semester ends, just don’t want to think about exams or papers. Instead, I ’ ve discovered that the easiest way to fall asleep is with the lights on and a textbook nearby. Putting on pyjam as and turning off the lights is a sure way not to fall asleep.

Background noise also helps me get to sleep. That’s why it’s so idyllic to fall asleep on a Sunday afternoon lying on the couch with the TV turned to sports. Fishing, golf, curling, these are all good sports to take naps to. B aseb all w ill do in a p in ch, but the announcers’ voices sometimes turn loud and excited in talking base­ b all. Nobody gets very loud or excited in discussing fishing.

U nfortunately, a dispropor­ tionate number of my profs this semester also sound as if they’re d isc u ssin g fish in g , even when th e y ’ re g iv in g a lectu re. T his means fallin g asleep in class is even e a sie r than fa llin g asleep while studying.

It doesn’t matter if you’re sit­ ting right in front of the prof, and said prof will definitely notice that you’re snoring; there’s just no way to avoid nodding off. The best way to minimise the damage of sleep­ ing in class is to take a desk in the last row, and snooze leaning back against the wall.

Hopefully the prof is standing

Susan Peters

at a podium far enough away that she w on’ t notice your eyes are closed. With luck, you can even wake up at appropriate intervals to ask a question, sw ig coffee, and display life signs.

The second-best method of sleeping in class is to lie forward with your head on the desk. But it’s very difficult to pretend you’re doing anything other than sleeping in this position, and you’ll proba­ b ly w ake to fin d you sm eared highlighter on your cheeks by acci­ dent. At the very least, you’ll dis­ p lay te ll-ta le sign s of “binderface.”

If material constraints mean there’s no wall to lean back against or desk to lean forward on, then you’re condemned to the jerk-andjolt method. No sooner do you fall asleep than your head snaps for­ ward, waking you with a sudden jolt.

R epeated application many

times in one class may lead to a permanent crick. Crick-neck and binder-face may both result unless you adopt the preferred wall-lean­ ing method.

Really sneaky profs wait until the class is asleep before saying all the important stuff that’s going to be on the exam. “The answers to the multiple choice section are....”

Somedays I think back to all the Reveen commercials I’ve seen and I’m convinced profs are hyp­ notising me. Maybe it’s the fluo­ rescent lights and slow, calm voic­ es. “You w ill not study for the final exam. The final exam is very difficult and you w ill fail. When you w ake, you w ill rem em ber nothing of this lecture.”

I think it’s while students are dozing in class that profs feed us sublim inal messages, like telling us the wrong dates and facts and things. I know this sounds like the X -F iles, but what else explains how I can be writing an exam and know, intellectually and rationally, and hey I just read it last night, that the w ar o f 1812 took p lace in 1812. Still, in my exam booklet I solemnly inscribe “1810” because a little voice inside of me whispers that the answer is 1810.

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Where does that inner voice com e from ? If I know i t ’ s the wrong answer, why do I still put it down? And just why is it so easy to ramble on using rhetorical ques­ tions?

Second order of business. At the beginning of the year, Sylvie informed me that people are actu­ a lly allo w ed to sw ear in the T r ib u n e . FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Finally, behind every colum­ nist stand a bevy of her friends pushing and shoving and drooling a ll over them selves, th e y ’ re so eager to suggest ideas or provide material or read drafts or edit or show you, week after week, how to transfer a file from disk to hard drive.

In non-ranked order of impor­

A A

tance, my ap p reciatio n goes to F ran cesco , Jen n , N ick, Susan , C laire, Ash, M ichelle, C aroline, S y lv ie , Jo yc e and the T rib u n e chain gang. Thanks y ’all.

T hank s S u sa n a n d h a v e a g o o d rest.

C o iffu r e P ie r r e Latest Hairstyles FOR MEN

Cut, Sham poo & Set

Special price for M c G ill students with I.D. card.

1435

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n o rth o f S te .-C a th e rin e

A n n u a l G en eral M e e tin g

McGill Legal Information Clinic W ednesday, April 1 0 , 1 9 9 6 1 2 :3 0 pm Shatner B0 9 - 1 0 Note: The C linic w ill close its doors for the sem ester o n Thursday, A p ril 5, 1996. The C linic w ill re-open for the su m m er in early May, but w ill be closed d u rin g exams.

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D e s ir e D avid Bushnell

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Consider (for a moment) the dust mite.

A m icro sco p ic arach n id whose sole purpose on earth is existen ce, the dust m ite spends most of its time eating, and defe­ c a tin g , and m akin g other dust mites. They say that the dust mite likes cheese, that if you look at ch eese through one o f those wicked-cool electron microscopes you’ll see dust mites crawling all over your Gorgonzolla like they owned it or something.

My sources have been known to exaggerate, though.

Dust mites (for all we know) could very w ell rule this planet.

Free food, free shelter, few natural enemies: hey, what’ s not to like?

I’ ve heard that they can also give

humans tapeworm s. T alk about cool!

The only thing the dust mite p ro b ab ly d o esn ’ t lik e is its inevitable anonym ity. Sure, you know your Gruyere’s got miniature spiders pooing all over it, but do you know the names of those wee guys? Here you are, Mr./Ms. Cool Thing, you’ ve got dust mites all over you, and do you care? Hell no!

So how do you think the dust mite feels?

And h ey, you know w h at?

Humans are just like dust mites.

We live and die on this godforsak­ en blue-green planet in the tiniest corner of a tiny galaxy, and nothing we do or say has any effect on any thing greater than ourselves. If you counted a ll the people that

A Tribune Fairytale

ever lived, you’d have done some­ looking at the larger picture, you thing that might alter the course of were nitpicking.

I’ve attempted to give you the humanity as much as eating a bag of Cheetos. We all do indeed die knowledge the Administration has alone and afraid, and we might as been trying to suppress. Bernard w ell turn our backs on hope and Shapiro is nothing. He takes his orders from the E lder C ouncil, love. has set up the puppet Board Ooo, w asn’ t that cyn ical?!which I am so cynical! I don’t wake up in of Governors as a smokescreen. the morning wanting to be cynical, The levels are staggering. Andrea but then, I read that W a itin g to Stairs, trained from birth by her E x h a le is a good m o vie, but I Board of Governors mom, rose out won’t see it because it’ s a chick of nowhere to become VP External movie and I’m cynical, so I don’t to m aintain S SM U ’ s status quo like things and everybody is stu­ with CASA, which does not sup­ pid. Except me. Because I’m cyni­ port violence in response to gov­ ernment cutbacks, making it less cal.

[Wow, I’ m sorry. I thought I of a threat on Parliament Hill than was Ted “som ething som ething the psychos with CFS. Around the Toronto blah blah blah” Frankel same time, the Board of Governors takes no stand on the Fourteenth for a minute.]

I’ ve done everything I could Annual “Hey, let’s kill the D aily” possibly do here. I’ve shattered the referendum question, whose “no single-season hate mail record for o p in io n ” b allo ts co n v en ien tly T rib u n e colum nists, p revio usly sw ayed the re su lts. The D a ily held by Jon ath an S . ’ s “V eda rem ain s in p rin t, becom ing Minute” in 1993-94. People I don’t increasingly irrelevant on campus know really don’t like me. And I yet taking potential advertising revel in it. I just wish you ants had revenue from the Tribune, keeping been paying attention. Instead of the paper financially shakey and

thus concerning itself more with its inability to buy a stapler than get­ ting reporters out into the trenches to delve into the truth.

More smokescreens emerge to keep the T ribu n e silent. M elanie Newton and Sarah Schmidt bom­ bard the T ribune with endless antiCASA opinion pieces, making edi­ tors sick of the whole situation and driving them away from the story.

Further, SSMU is accused of sexu­ ally harassing the IGLC (one of the last bastions of white male conser­ vatism ) via the T rib u n e via this very column.

M eanwhile, M cG ill supports S ta irs and C A SA rem ain s in favour, and consequently the cuts o ccur, w ith the M cG ill of the future that much clo ser to fu ll implementation. But do you fuck­ ing sheep care?

I won’ t even go into what I know about the Gert’ s renovation and break-in, and how it relates to Pepsi.

Go away now. I tire of you.

these T ribunes into mature stocks answer a few questions,” wheezed the Troll. “These are MY stairs.”

Ul and bonds, parking it is!”

C o lu m n They were then all given the The editors sat down on their z candidates quizzes. broken furn iture, fe e lin g very “YOU ALL FAIL! ! !” shrieked 3 dejected.

CÛ “I can’t believe this is happen­ the Troll. He was so happy about ing,” said one. “Especially after our their failure that they decided they would write an editorial about his Tyla Berchtold 69s just got stolen last week.” £ very unprofessional behaviour.

“That w ill never happen H It took forty days and forty again,” said another confidently. nights but they finally got to talk on “We now keep them in a shoebox in fact, that the kings and queens of Once upon a time, in a faraway the telephone with Lisarella. with a very tight lid.”

The others the castle were considering remak­ place, there lived 15 little editors in “Of course I can h elp,” she a dark dungeon behind a big brown ing the dungeon into public park­ nodded, acknowledging the wise smiled.

“Just submit your concerns nature of that decision. door. The dungeon was in the very ing. to the Task Force on the proposed RumpleRémi, the treasurer of F in ally, the ed board unani­ bottom of a huge castle c a lle d parking towards a new McGill sub­ Shatner. It was miserable, but the the castle, broke the news to the mously decided that this was an committee of Senate and then we issu e for P rin cess U n iversity editors. little editors happily published the will send you all to BoG for ratifi­ “But we live here!” cried the Lisarella.

They tried to climb out of T ribune every week, and strangely, Editors. “W e’ve got nowhere else the dungeon to find the princess but cation. wanted for no more.

“But this is an EMER­ they were held back by a grizzly The Castle was not very pretty to go.”

GENCY!!”

Troll who claim ed he owned the “V ery ‘ O fficer and a if you’re looking from a Medieval “Yes,” smiled the Princess. p ersp ective, but th at’ s m ostly G entlem anesque,’ said Rum ple­ stairs.

The editors tried not to panic.

“You can only pass if you Rémi.

“But if you can ’ t turn all because of severe budgetary cutBut the big air conditioner in the dungeon cam e on and scared them. Then some silver: T H E fcfALWom>. ? h a s e Two-. uRtvgRsrry. fish darted around and that was flHSE o*IE: scary too.

“What can we do?” they m/m cRcy i WA* A lamented. Then an idea came to them “We w ill charge the utWEKSfW *TuVE**t , 1 o ffice of the high extern al H*.ve To c\Zh\. m s n iv v commissioner to the kingdom "t fcoo*. of Shatner,” and off they ran.

E xternal answ ered her door by loo kin g through a security monitored slot.

“Submit your request in French,” she said. “It must be anti-CFS, pro-CASA and quote my speech from the EtatsGenereux.”

“W e’re not very good at French,” said the editors sadly.

“We live in a dungeon with no windows.”

“So?” said the high exter­ Loup.-- poyoit ttEMit-C nal com m issioner. “I don’ t SO«FF IW OoFfçe tfWOT* &ÇT even know w hat ‘ F ren ch ’ You've UEVÇ* coFfEE: V*. -me worvt»^ wruiA-noN uf Ar means. Get away from here.” kCrtEMBÇR. T : ooAK Tîf (Vfc wcK +SU«rA*0 The slot slammed and the door

The Cyndicate

Mr. B u sh n ell is s o o o cy n ica l.

disappeared. Strange and scary.

The editors were dismayed. No one in the kingdom w ould help them or their newspaper.

“We must appeal to the High Priestess of Troy,” came the cry.

“Helen, here we come!”

They however, never got to see the high priestess because she was meeting with a number of corporate officials, particularly the head of Montreal Parking.

The little editors ran around confused. T heir last resort had failed. And RumpleRémi would be back soon to see if they had spun T rib u n es into mature stocks and bonds. As a last effort they tried to hold a sit-in at the beautiful remade lounge named after Gert, the high internal handmaiden.

“Get out, yo u ’ re a ll d irty ,” sneered the handmaiden when she saw them. “It cost me all the stocks and bonds in RumpleRémi’s portfo­ lio to make this lovely lounge.” She laughed, then covered her mouth in surprise. “Ooops, I hope no one got that on record. W ell I don’t care because the Shatner dynasty owns you and you will never get Damon the knowledeable manservant to help you. It’s forbidden.” The hand­ maiden then hopped on her broom and flew away.

It looked hopeless for the little editors, until one realised that she h a d had her taperecorder on the whole time! “Hooray!” they shout­ ed and danced around in a circle until they were kicked out of the lounge for unruly behaviour.

No one really knows how this story ends because everything was buried in documents that are hidden in the Library’s history department of Lincolnalia but there’s still no p arkin g in the dungeon of the Shatner castle, so that’ s probably a good thing.

April 2nd, 1996

T

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r ib u n e

For those of you unfortunate en o ugh to be in v o lv e d w ith a relational opportunist, your days are n um bered. W in te r’ s over.

Warm weather is on its w ay and your relationship has outlived its usefulness. If you’re destined for a turn-of-the-season jiltin g , try not to take it personally. It’s not you. In fact it’s not even her. If y o u ’ re looking for som eone to blame, blame it on the ultimate homewrecker : the end of another Montreal winter.

W in ter p la y s a p ro m in en t ro le in the liv e s o f re la tio n a l opportunists. It is a seasonal pen­ dulum that sends them swinging from dedicated partners to roving sin g les as the seasons ch an ge.

The pre-winter months are high season for the c ity ’ s uncommit­ ted . In S ep te m b er, M o n treal exudes a sensuality that puts even the stiffest Torontonian at ease.

Coffees on St. Laurent, visits to Old M ontreal and w alks on the mountain set the scene for count­ less romantic encounters.

A t M c G ill, the cam p u s crowd returns to school tanned, toned and acad em ically under­ w h elm ed . E nd-loaded co urses and fiv e -fig u re bank accounts provide time and money for care­ free romance.

The first hint of winter puts a chill in the heart of singles across the city. Cool autumn days send the uncommitted scram bling for something more enduring. In the last few w eeks before the snow f lie s , r e la tio n a l o p p o rtu n ists know that it’ s now or never. The race is on to find a wintermate.

In the dead of winter, even the most sk illed sin gles have a hard time meeting available part­ ners. B y the tim e Jan uary hits, McGill is a virtual graveyard of a c tiv ity . C o ld , g re y b u ild in g s shelter grim-faced survivors of an eternal winter. Signs of life are lim ited to hourly processions of hooded heads and bundled bod­ ies. In sympathy for the pitifully o v e rc lo th e d , ev en the T h ree Bares refrain from their skinful display.

Off-campus activity is equal­ ly lifeless. Other than death-defy­ ing sprints to cam pus, students venture outdoors o n ly to rum ­ m age fo r food or c la s s n o tes.

Snowed-in couch couples resign them selves to a season of VCR d ates and o c c a s io n a l trip s to underground shopping malls.

R elatio n al opportunists are reluctant companions at best and are rather blasé about their sea­ sonal commitments. At the first sign of spring, relational oppor­ tunists ready themselves for new romance. Breaking up is hard to do, but th e re ’ s n o th in g lik e a ch an ge o f seaso n s to help get them started. With summer just around the co rn er, sin g le s -in waiting head straight for the gym.

A chorus of furious stepping on

Page 9

r

Beware of spring B y G reg M a c k e n z ie

bserv er

stairmasters and frenzied beachmuscle work-outs signal the start of spring training.

As you walk through campus this w eek, you m ay sudden ly realise that the single season is upon us. W atch fo r A rt-ste p s sm o kers who strik e the P ose, inhale deeply and wait to be dis­ covered. W itness the lawn-read­ ers bare all in desperate attempts to get noticed by the wandering­ eyed. Observe those lingering at library check-outs in the hopes of a chance encounter. Across cam­ pus and across the city, Montreal preps for another round of post­ winter dating.

11

LOVE A N D C O N G R A T U L A T IO N S TO NEXT Y E A R S ED ITO RIAL B O A R D . M A Y THE FORCE BE W IT H Y O U .

As the temperature rises and winter loosens its grip on the city, it’ s best to start letting go because your end is not far in sight. Brace yourself for the departure of your foul-weather friend and try not to d esp air. S ta y b usy if you can.

Change your locks, recover bor­ rowed clothing and let him pick up the tab at what may be your last dinner.

When the time comes, hold your head high and be dignified.

From the very beginning of this seasonal affair you stood a snow­ b a ll’ s chance in spring of out­ lasting the winter. It’s only natur­ al that things should end this way.

Editor-in-chief:

Liz Lau

Assistant editors-in-chief:

Sara Jean Green Rachel Stokoe

News editors:

Noah Gitterman Benji Weinstein

Features editors:

Samantha Lapedus Marlisa Tiedemann

Entertainment editors:

Marc Gilliam Anya Spethmann

Sports editors:

Paul Conner Amy Kapyrka

“48HRS” 44 Burden 45 Helium and neon

Science editor:

Alexandra Stikeman

DOWN

Network editor:

Jason Sigurdson

Photography editor:

Aaron Chase Rachel Ong

CROSSWORD

by THOMAS JOSEPH ACROSS 1 Judge’s place 6 Detec­ tive’s job 10 Love, Italianstyle 11 Baseball great Tony 13 Like a riverbed 14 Ore sources 15 Chicken — king 16 Beavers' creation 18 Museum contents 19 Wonder Woman portrayer 22 Deli bread 23 Bear in the sky 24 Charlton Heston role 27 Gray 28 La Scala song 29 Geese flying formation 30 President from Plains 35 Low bill 36 Go wrong 37 French friend 38 Barrett and Jaffe 40 Dope 42 Area of expertise 43 Nick of

1 Kind of metabo­ lism 2 One of the Brontes 3 Pitcher Ryan 4 Computer monitor, for short 5 Periods of popularity 6 Punctua­ tion in a list 7 — Baba 8 “My Way” singer 9 Neighbor of K2 12 Off the

Last w eek’s answ ers path 17 Top card 20 Fantasy 21 Monarch 24 College studies 25 Venezu­ elan river 26 Creator of Inspector Maigret 27 Very hot 29 TV accessory 31 Some

answers 32 Flipping choice 33 Overact 34 Cere­ monies 39 Conve­ nience store owner on The Simpsons” 41 Dennis Quaid remake

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David Bushnell Joyce Lau

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IN THEATRES APRIL 12TH CHECK YOUR LO CAL LISTINGS

April 2nd, 1996 Page 10

| Stop the Press this is the real reason Stairs seems to so vehemently despise graduate stu­ dents’ voices. They are putting up a mirror to her politics and she isn’t happy with what readers are allowed to see. Once again, Andrea, that is DE-M-O-C-R...

Mary M atthews MA2 History

M c G ill responds to TAs McGill would like to dispel a few misconceptions about our March 5, 1996 offer to the Teaching Assistants. The university’ s global offer has been presented to the AGSEM in response to their request for a comprehensive proposal on all outstanding issues.

MYTH: McGill’ s offer consti­ tutes a 50 per cent pay cut.

FACT: Given the current absence of a university-wide salary structure, departments have been paying rates that varied significantly in the past, based m ainly on the availability of other sources of gradu­ ate student support in the particular research areas.

M cG ill’ s offer constitutes a salary improvement of up to 40 per cent in some departments and, yes, an apparent decrease in those depart­ ments which currently pay the high­ est rates. However, the proposal does not prevent departments and faculties from offering graduate students tuition assistan ce, fellow ships, stipends or bursaries.

The university has already stat­ ed that it w ill continue to provide graduate student support. McGill has also agreed to protect current salary commitments so that current TAs do not suffer a salary decrease as a result of the agreement while they remain in the priority pool.

' 9

MYTH: McGill’ s offer is low compared to other universities.

FACT: McGill’s offer is compa­ rable to the rates and salary struc­ tures of other Montreal universities for TAs. MYTH: McGill’s offer does not allow TAs to get tuition waivers.

FACT: Currently, one faculty on campus offers tuition fee waivers for graduate students as part of the offer of em ploym ent as a TA. Nothing in McGill’s new offer would prevent any faculty from providing tuition assistance support, fellow­ ships, stipends or bursaries to their graduate students.

In his March 18, 1996, message to the university community, VP Chan clearly states that the university has always provided financial sup­ port for graduate students in a variety of ways and will continue to do so.

This is an issue that is not part of the pay-for-work package that is pro­ posed by the university. The univer­ sity’s proposal includes a provision to respect commitments to continue paying the tuition fee waiver as part of the offer of employment to current TAs who were previously receiving it.

MYTH: McGill’s offer provides no job security.

FACT: It is difficult to apply the notion of job security for students who, by definition, work for a limit­ ed period. However, McGill and the Union have largely agreed on a prior­ ity pool system to re-appoint current TAs on a priority basis.

MYTH: McGill’s offer provides no over-work protection.

FACT: McGill included in its proposal a letter of agreement for a fast-track mechanism to settle work­ load-related disputes during the first collective agreement. This proposal

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Book my Grad Sitting Portrait Order my Graduation Ring Order my Old McGill Yearbook Order my Grad Photo Package

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•••••••••

If you are missing any of the above, then you should be calling your Graduation Specialists

was discussed at the bargaining table and was agreed to by both parties.

MYTH: McGill’s offer increas­ es the hours of work for TAs. FACT: Our offer defines a max­ imum number of hours per term: 180 hours for a full teaching assistantship. Our proposal also states that we will honour the number of hours currently considered a full teaching assistantship in the various faculties and departments.

We hope that these clarifications are helpful in understanding the offer that McGill made to the AGSEM. R obert Savoie E xecutive D irector o f Human R esou rces

Alternatives in education In last week’s issue (March 26, 1996), in the article regarding the Open Forum discussion between Principal Shapiro and the Students, the name of the organisation of which I am a member was incorrect­ ly stated.

The article called us “Students for Alternatives in Education.” In fact, we are sim ply called “Alternatives In Education” and cur­ rently work under the auspices of QPIRG. Membership is open to any­ body interested in exploring alterna­ tive methods of education. This would encompass students and pro­ fessors.

We do not assume that educa­ tion is irrelevant, i.e. that there are alternatives “to” education, but state that the traditional modes of learning and teaching are not necessarily suit­ ed to address the current problems and concerns of society.

In exploring different forms of education, we are questioning the assumptions implicitly made in our schooling structure. Students disillu­ sioned with the state of education were the founding members of this project. However, it is not enough to simply articulate our grievances. We must be able to propose alternatives, hence our name, and improvements to the structure.

Our seminars and workshops explore what these improvements could be. In addition, the format in which the group functions serves as a model for these changes. Our con­ sensus-based participatory structure allows any member to raise their concerns and then act upon them.

This has allowed us to both better ourselves and the community through workshops, discussions and campus activism, i.e. confronting Shapiro on his plan “Towards A New McGill.”

We will continue to operate in the next week — look for news about a rally during the last week of school — and in the forthcoming year. For anybody who wishes to become a member, simply call QPIRG at 3987432 or e-m ail MLEDERMA @FAC .LAN.McGill.C a Everybody is welcome.

Matt Lederman U2 A nthropology

Not a cult

StudioJostensPhoto 1456 Drummond (corner de Maisonneuve)

4 9 9 -9 9 9 9

Last week there was an article in the Tribune about questionable reli­ gious groups. As those who belong to the University Bible Fellowship we found the article not only unfair in its attack upon our group but wrong, so we are com pelled to respond to the misinformation.

The article characterised the

External Andrea Stairs: Your letter last week entitled “Undergrad Confidence in CASA” was so juvenile, insulting and rude that we felt compelled to respond to your display of bad taste.

First of all, you owe graduate students on this campus an apology.

Just where do you get off publicly accusing the PGSS of masterminding the CASA No campaign?

I suppose it would be comfort­ ing for you to think that some outside force was responsible for the massive undergraduate opposition to CASA. But alas, Andrea, the CASA No Committee, as well as the 35 per cent of students who voted against CASA, decided that they were opposed to graduate taxes, poor representation and financial irresponsibility without any help from the PGSS. Secondly, you cling to your 64 per cent victory as an “overwhelming vote.” Let us point out that, of the five plebiscite questions in which SSMU sought a specific policy man­ date from students, the CASA p leb iscite received the low est endorsement. SSMU has had one and a half years to convince students that CASA membership is a good thing, and a ll you managed to scrape together was a majority of less than two-thirds.

Well, if you think it is satisfac­ tory to simply ignore the very large minority who do not support CASA, go ahead. You will only be proving everything that the CASA NO Committee has been saying all along about the lack of dem ocracy in CASA. T hirdly, you accused our Committee of attacking your credi­ b ility and integrity. Don’ t flatter yo urself. Most of us have been involved in the student movement since long before you even became a student politician.

The state of your integrity is of absolutely no concern. Your mandate lasts one year. We are fighting an organisation which is financially irre­ sponsible, has no clear policies, does not represent students’ interests, and has done nothing but divide students since the day it was founded. Most of us will still be involved in the move­ ment after CASA is gone (which should be soon, since it is losing members like crazy and is, as the national director admitted, nearly bankrupt).

Earlier this month you claimed CASA was reviewing the unpopular policies in last fall’ s Real Choices document (owing to “significant hos­ tility” towards some of the policies).

Yet you referred to Real Choices in your last letter, implying that the recent plebiscite vote is a further endorsement of that cam paign.

Ed n ote: We ack now ledge that it was Which is it? Does CASA even have an o versigh t on ou r part to not have any policies left?

You also accuse the Committee c o n t a c t e d th e UBF f o r co m m en t.

B e s id e s that, h o w e v e r , w e sta n d of being “anti-everything”. We are, behind Ms. O lshen’s story. The arti­ in fact, pro-democracy, pro-student, c l e fo c u s e s on the p r e s e n ce o f vari­ and pro-representation, and for all of ous grou p s on cam pus and it stressed these reasons, we are anti-CASA. that in d iv id u a ls’ d e cisio n to jo in a And funny you should make this g r o u p is o fte n v e r y p erso n a l. The accusation, considering that you rep­ story d o es not by any m eans su g g est resent an organisation which has no that UBF is a cu lt. M o reo ver, the clear policies.

Well, Andrea, we hope this let­ Tribune d id n ot m ean to ca te g o r ise o r criticise its m em bers. The Tribune ter cleared up some of the miscon­ a p o lo gises i f the a rticle w as m iscon ­ ceptions which have been impairing stru ed as such. The students quoted your political vision. To next year’s w ere ex pressing their p erso n a l opin­ VP External, Chantal Da Silva, have ion, and d o not n ecessa rily r eflect the a good summer, and we look forward to working with you next year. view s o f the Tribune and its staff.

participants of UBF as weak-minded or psychologically unstable. This is simply not the case, all types of stu­ dents are a part of our group and include many who are very active in student activities and those who maintain high marks. In fact, there are quite a high percentage of gradu­ ate students who participate in UBF program.

The article mentioned one per­ son who gave negative comments about her experience with UBF, at best four of Bible study. The article was valid about her personal discon­ tent but this becomes sensationalised or slander if it represents the opin­ ions of the paper. This kind of dis­ contentment can occur with a friend, a style of music, an area of profes­ sional studies or even with a univer­ sity. Sensationalism and slander could be charged if a newspaper judged McGill as a terrible university on the personal opinion of a few dis­ gruntled students.

The author quoted two members of McGill Christian Fellowship and the Concordia Christian Fellowship regarding their concerns about UBF; we didn’t even receive a phone call regarding the comments in the arti­ cle.

The article also quoted com­ ments from the “InfoCult” implying that their comments apply to our group when in fact, we agree with what “InfoCult” states about cults and we also try to warn students against being misled by such cults.

The article was written totally one-sidedly based on three people’s complaints. Neither did the author verify the reality of the people’ s complaints nor were we given the opportunity to present the facts.

The fact is that teaching the Bible will always meet with some who disagree strongly, because not only do the words of Jesus give life, but they also challenge us to live for the glory of God which includes some self-denial. The real definition of cult includes not only their meth­ ods but also unorthodox beliefs. Our teaching about Jesus is scriptural in agreement with the Apostle’s Creed and the Westminster Confession.

In fact we are as concerned about cults and would be ready to work together with anyone against such groups for the protection of stu­ dents. We are welcome any such group that is concerned with stu­ dent’ s well-being as their school studies and social life because we have found there is a lot of misunder­ standing due to lack of communica­ tion.

Andrew C hristopher P resident o f U niversity B ible F ellow ship o f McGill Students

CASA referendum results To

soon-to-be-form er VP

M elanie Newton Chair, the CASA No Committe

Bras and the media Media coverage o f scientific report may stop women from wearing bras B y A lexand ra Stikeman

“It’s the kind of thing where if sion before it can be applied to the [women] just read the headlines, general populace. they will all stop wearing bras,” said “A lot of [scientific journalism] White. is accurate. The problem is that they For example, though this past report research as if it w ere an fter an article in the March 18 year marked the 35th anniversary of established fact,” said White. issue of the T o r o n to S ta r, the introduction of the birth control Yet another series of recent women may no longer be wearing pill in the U.S., many women are articles are under scrutiny. Several bras for fear of developing breast suspicious of its benefits and poten­ pieces have been published linking cancer. S cien ce, it seem s, has tial risks. Although the pill today high levels of stress with breast can­ replaced the ‘60s women’s libera­ has a much lower dosage of estro­ cer. Dr. Gerald Batist, professor of tion bra-burning. gen than its 1960s predecessor, sci­ medicine and oncology at McGill W ith the release of articles entists are convinced that the public and director of experimental phar­ such as the one in the Star, the sci­ is swayed by the media’s negative m acology at the L ady D avis entific community has become criti­ cal of the way in which some jour­ n alists have sen satio n alised research.

The article “Bras and Breast Cancer” described a recently pub­ lished book called D ressed to K ill: The Link b etw een C an cer an d Bras, which linked bra-wearing with the risk of developing breast cancer.

Is this just media sensational­ ism at its best, provoking a state of panic in its readers as they schedule their next “weekly physical”? Or are the scientific results published in today’s newspapers truly reflec­ tive of scientific progress and its therapeutic benefits?

Many oncologists responded negatively to the study on bras and breast cancer, stating that the find­ ings were statistically insignificant and that they failed to consider more important issues such as diet, exercise, smoking and natural hor­ I f th e n e w report ca tc h e s on, bra co m p a n ies m igh t so o n g o o u t o f business. mone levels.

Dr. Laurie W hite, a general reports on its potential dangers.

Institute is suspicious of such stud­ p ractitio n er in Toronto, often According to White, it often ies. receives patients who come to her takes 20 years for research to be “That’s not to say that it isn’t fearing for their health after having conclusive. Therefore, much of the so, there’s just no evidence for it,” read an article in a newspaper on a current scien tific research must Continued on Page 17» particular medical issue. undergo a great deal of peer revi-

A

China’s business in organ theft B y S hea C hia

paign to expose the global com­ m unity to the issu es of human rights in China. A 121-page report en titled “No One is S a fe ” was released in Bangkok on March 13. rofessor Margaret Somerville, “ [The repo rt] looks at the the d irecto r of the M cG ill endemic repression and how it is C entre for M ed ical E thics ando versh ad o w ed by the d rive to Law recounted a frightening story. exploit the potential m arkets in “A young A ustralian was in C h in a,” said John T ackab erry, Asia and she got desperately sick. M ed ia and E xtern al [D octors] flew her back to C o m m un icatio n s O fficer at Darwin, and when they examined Amnesty’s Canadian headquarters her, they found that she was in in O ttaw a. “W e laun ch ed an total renal failure.” international cam paign to bring It turns out that both of her attention to the systematic viola­ kidneys were missing. tions related not only to political Organ trafficking was a hot dissent...The death penalty is used topic several years ago when it arbitrarily for a range of crimes.” was reported that Indian peasants One issu e surrounding the were willing to trade a kidney in treatm en t of p riso n ers is the return for cash. Clients were pri­ extraction of organs, and their sub­ m a rily w ealth y E uropeans or sequent sale after execution.

A sian s who w ere frustrated by “The state seems to be killing their own country’s time consum­ for m inor o ffe n c e s,” said Dr. ing process.

Ronald Guttmann, director of the Since then, a Code of Ethics M cG ill C entre for C lin ic a l was passed which ensured India’s Im m un o b io lo gy and and other Asian countries’ cessa­ Transplantation. tion in human body parts trade.

S u re ly , as in any co un try, However, the Code of Ethics did transplantable organs are a pre­ not reach all countries. cious commodity.

T oday the m ain co un try Although Guttmann said that involved in such procedures is sto ries lik e the one of the C h in a. In 1993, A m nesty Australian tourist are hard for him In tern atio n al reported that the to believe, he pointed out the atti­ Chinese medical community and tude of the Chinese medical com­ governm ent w ere in v o lv ed in munity in these situations. shady organ transactions, mainly “We have to remember here the extraction and sale of organs that it’ s the doctors who are the from executed prisoners. bad guys,” he said.

Recently, Amnesty launched a nine-month international cam ­ Continued on Page 17 »

P

Santropol Roulant: a meals-on-wheels service for the elderly B y L y n n A b r a h a m ia n ___________

waiter/m anager Fitzpatrick said that Santropol is com m itted to aid in g such program s. One per cent of all its profits go to charita­ ble organisations, he said. As to why he and his colleague Godsall wished to found such a program, Fitzpatrick responded, “We just wanted to give back something to

A m eal d e liv e ry serv ice is callin g on artists to help out its cause. On A pril 19, 1996, there w ill be an art exhibition at the S to rn a w a y G a lle ry to b e n e fit Santropol Roulant. All local tal­ ented artists are welcome to sub­ mit their works that deal with food as one of life’ s essential needs.

Santropol Roulant is a meals on wheels organisa­ tion which uses the energy o f yo u n g v o lu n te e rs to d e liv e r hot m eals to the elderly in Montreal.

The Santropol m eals on wheels program began in O ctober 1994. K eith F itz p a tric k and C h risto p h er G o d sall, a M cG ill graduate, intiated the program. In M ay 1995, the tw o p itch ed th e ir proposition to Santropol.

The restaurant agreed to fund them, and on June 19, 1995, they delivered their first meal.

F o rm er S an tro p o l A J a v o u rite s a n d w ic h sp o t tak es to th e streets

the community.’

Santropol R oulant ow es its birth to Santropol and the Nissan Motor Company. In an arrange­ ment between the two businesses, the restaurant delivers the meals in a new m in i-van donated by N issan . F itzp atrick states that “Nissan is committed to helping

o rg a n isa tio n s fo r the o th er o rg a n isa tio n s th at onL eld erly...[O th er than us,] it has serve tw ice a w eek,” De Bordi about 10 other quests,” he said. said.

A lso in stru m e n ta l in the Santropol R oulant is doinj founding of Santropol Roulant is w ell, F itzpatrick confirm ed. H< the V o lu n teer B u re a u , w h ich expressed pride in the fact that tht “serves as an um brella organisa­ w orkers set aside their cultura tion for m eals on w h eels pro­ d ifferen ces and “w ork in con gram s such as our o w n ,” cert,” putting the needs of others Fitzpatrick said. before their own.

The Volunteer Bureau “No matter what their back­ is a group that helps meals gro un d , [the v o lu n teers] have on wheels programs. It pro­ come together for a common pur­ vides booklets on how to pose,” he pointed out. run such a p ro gram , and Eric C arrier is coordinating gives financial help. It co­ the art e x h ib it to b en efit o rd in ate s 75 m e als on Santropol Roulant. He is one ol w h e e ls p ro g ram s, and the 20 workers who are employed organises a sm all group of by the program, which is funded volunteers to deliver food. in part by the Q uebec go vern ­ V o lu n teer B u reau ment. However, funding w ill end w o rk er Q uitte De B orda in Ju ly 1996 due to p ro vin cial said that N issan cam e to budget cutbacks. them and asked if there was Santropol Roulant w ill have an organisation that needed to rely on volunteers in order to their help. continue delivering food, Carrier “I reco m m en d ed said. The benefit show w ill help -c Santropol Roulant because to ensure “that in the long run, the U they are a young group of v o lu n te e rs can co n tin u e the tru ly d e d ic a te d w o rk ers work.” who serve m eals 7 days a w eek, as opposed to the Continued on Page 1 7 »

April 2nd, 1996

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Cr W elcom e to the S eco n d Annual T ribune Sex Survey. Lots o f p e o p le b e lie v e thay a re h a vin g sex, but n ot w ith v e ry m any p e o p le ; a b e a g le is app aren tly m ore a ttra ctive than humans, an d m any like th eir room m a tes to “p a r ticip a te”. We g o t th ese an sw ers, but w e d o n ’t know h ow to in terp ret them — so w e lea v e it up to you, the readers.

1. Are you having or have you had what you thought was sex?

89% A) Yes 11% B) No 2a. Have you ever had sex while reading the T ribunel A) Yes B) No 2b. Which one was better?

A) Tribune B) Sex 3a. Have you ever had sex on lower campus?

A) Yes B) No

19% 81%

36% 64% 27% 73%

3b. If so, where?

A) In the Ziggurat 24% B) On the broomball rink (Bonus points if during game) 0% C) In the mud 6% D) Next to the Three Bares 6% E) Your own special place 65% respondents’ suggestions: inside the chicken suit, security booth, James Administration Building, one of the SSMU VP offices 4. Which Peanuts character do you find most attractive?

38% A) Snoopy 15% B) Charlie Brown 23% C) Peppermint Patty 15% D) Pigpen 9% E) Lucy 5a. Your ideal nightmare date would be with: A) Chantal DaSilva B) Mark Feldman C) Don McGowan D) Jon Chomski E) Chris Carter F) All of the above

2% 18% 10% 8% 16% 45%

5b. What is the scariest thing your nightmare date could say?

A) Let’s go to Gert’s!

21% B) Let’s go back to Gert’s!

21% C) I’ll meet you at Gert’s!

9% D) Wow, Gert’s is closing this soon? W e’ve only been here for five hours!

49% 6. What’s up with “autoerotic asphyxiation”?

A) I don’t know; that’s weird B) [gasp!]

C) If you gotta ask, you’ll never know

15% 53% 32%

7. What’s your favourite position?

A) Spoons B) Knives C) Forks D) Chopsticks E) Melon-bailer

46% 13% 13% 8% 21%

8. What’s your lovemaking music of choice?

A) The Virgin’s Cry in Carl O rffs C arm ina Burana B) Hootie and the Blowfish C) Cuddlecore D) The theme music to the Dini Petty show E) Barry White

40% 6% 6% 17% 31%

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9. Whose responsibility is it to inform your roommates that the bathtub will be occupied?

34% A) Mine 7% B) My partner’s 59% C) I like to be interrupted

16. How far are you willing to go?

A) Missionary position B) Oral sex C) Anywhere sex D) All of the above E) You don’t need to know

4% 0% 15% 38% 44%

10. What are Principal Shapiro’s most sexy parts?

A) His dark, piercing glasses B) His soft, quivering lips C) His gentle, knowing hands D) Um m ... y ’know E) Any part that points towards a new McGill

17% 2% 8% 17% 56%

17. How do you prepare for a big evening?

A) Change the sheets B) Clean off the dining table C) Vacuum the back seat of the car D) Roll in the mud

20% 39% 15% 26%

11. Do you approve of lap-dancing?

A) Yes, I support modem dance B) No, I do not find Lapp Islanders that attractive

51% 49%

12. Where do you buy your underwear?

A) Rossy B) Army surplus stores C) Séduction D) “Underwear”?

18. What sorts of noises turn you on during sex?

A) An occasional squeal B) Heavy breathing C) All-out bellowing — any sort of loud yelling D) Roommates clapping

11 ’° 19% 13% 57%

21% 13% 17% 49%

13. Which Pulse anchor is your special TV buddy?

A) Bill Haugland B) Mitsumi Takahashi C) Don McGowan (the other one) D) Whoever’s on Travel Travel at the moment

4% 15% 28% 53%

19. What do you go for in a partner?

A) Swimming eyes B) Body C) Brains D) Wallet E) Gert’s hangout frequency

20% 20% 27% 12% 22%

14. If you had to make a pinata for your lover, what shape would it be?

A) Pinata-shaped 47% B) Other (please specify) 53% resp o n d en ts’ s u g g e stio n s: the car in Back to the F uture, phal­ lus of malice, gourd, octopus, see 10(E), me, Don McGowan (the other one) 15. Would you believe that we’re doing this because we have no lives?

67% A) Yup, sure looks that way B) No, I find you to be an attractive and dynamic human 33% being

20. What would sound sexiest when whispered into your ear during an intimate moment?

A) “Cling-Wrap” 33% B) “Jethro Tull” 22% C) “Sandwich” 20% D) “Masticate” 26% Bonus: Assuming you’ve had something like sex before, how many partners have you had since September?

A) 0-2 76% B) 3-6 13% C) 7-10 4% D) More than 11 (please specify and/or explain yourself) 6%

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First of all, whether or not a one-liner will be successful is all in the delivery. If you’ve had a little to much to drink, be careful. Don’t lean all over your prospective mate with your eyes swimming like Mark Spitz and slobber out “What’s your sign?”

First of all, “What’s your sign?” is one of the worst lines ever used in attempting to intrigue another. How about try­ ing something a little more relevant like “Is your house far from here,” or “I like you. You’re pretty/handsome.”

Failure to deliver the line in an appropriate and attrac­ tive manner will only lead to disappointment.

“I’ve only ever attempted to pick up a girl once,” explained a McGill student who asked to remain anony­ mous. “1 was in Mmmuffins. I looked over at her innocently and in a Jimmy Stewart sort of voice I said ‘So, you looking for a job?”’

This encounter ended in tragedy.

Essentially, what you’re going for with a one-liner is originality, wit, charm and a very erotic delivery. Oh yes, you become a thespian, if only for a fleeting moment.

Rule #i — Stay away from the gratuitous compliments.

“Nice pants,” “I like your hair” and “great shirt” all

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suck. This is primarily because they lead to nothing. Your responses will probably range from “Thanks” to “Please go away, you're frightening me.”

Rule#2 — Have a back up.

The worst thing is giving a one-liner and then having nothing else to say. Don’t just sit there and smile like you just finished the State of the Union Address. Don’t touch your hair or look at your feet or give your cheering group of friends the “thumbs up”. Engage your prospective a m o re in titillating conversation. You are a fountain of wit and knowledge.

Rule#3 — Be confident. Take the “originality plunge”.

Do not deliver a line and then giggle. Do not say things like “I’m a loser. Maybe 1 should just go away.” Target your audience. It’s only made up of one person. Say some­ thing unique to them, that suggests you have been thinking about the approach, and you’re not just there “on a dare”.

Be sexy. You are sexy. Do not blow hurricane Zelda in any­ one’s ear, ever.

There you have it. Good Luck.

What? You didn’t expect this to be a “one-liner dictio­ nary” for you to refer to this weekend, did you?

April 2nd, 1996

F eatu res page 13

The Joy of Sex Part II: Around the world in 80 ways Your apartment and you

B y T ribune Staff

As m any students cannot afford the cutting edge of raunchy sex implements, the T ribu n e has com piled a list of things from around the house that may improve your “sexifullness.”

The Tribune assumes no liablity for the consequences.

perfume, and it’s rich in vitamin E. •Jello: Watch it wiggle, watch it jig ­ gle, watch it squiggle on the belly.

Then chomp!

•Ice: For the more daring. Increases sensitivity and oooooh that passion!

Gotta turn on the heat after the cold.

•Oranges: V ery sticky. But you might like that too...

•And of course, the kitchen sink: Countertop copulation is alw ays

K itch en : •L ico rice: The long, thin type is useful in tie-m e-up gam es.

M oreover, far safer than rope, nylons, or ties. If anyone tires of the game, the licorice can be e a s ily broken...or eaten off.

•E ggs: Can serve to give the one you desire a body peel. Scramble in a bowl, then paint the body w ith a soft brush. Allow the egg­ coating to dry, then rip it off. E co lo gical S&M! •Nutella: This creamy, chocolaty substance can easily be spread over your significant other’s body. Lick.

•Spatulas or hand-held egg-beaters: Both are great for a spanking. Better than wooden spoons in that they won’t give you any slivers.

•Whipped cream: No instructions needed.

•Grapes or other small round fruits: Place between toes, then suck them out.

•Olive oil: Although the odour may not appeal to all, olive oil is one of the finest massage oils. If you get it in your mouth, it doesn’t taste like

B y Sa m a n t h a Laped us Lyla M iller

and

T ravellin g this sum m er? In some countries, the epitom e of eroticism may not be those nervous gropings in the back of a dark m ovie theatre. W hether y o u ’ re backpacking across Europe or galli­ vanting around Asia, you may need more tips than what’s available in your garden-variety travel guide.

Read on for a not-so-complete, but satisfaction guaranteed, encyclopae­ dia of spending patterns around the world.

In China , i t ’s a ll in the head The doctrine of the Mean rec­ ommends “pleasure with restraint,” which is interpreted to mean that the accumulation of unreleased semen stored in the practitioner’s head cre­ ates better Karma. Interestingly, ancient Chinese depictions of wise men portray large protruding fore­ heads, which are intended to honour just how disciplined they are.

H o p i legends revolu­ tionise sex toys

India's version o f The Joy o f Sex

great. What with all the utensil drawers so near by, you’ ve got a playground of fun at your finger­ tips!

B a th room : •Shower rod: Can be a fun place to hang from , but m ake sure the screws in the wall are solid or the fun won’t last.

•Electric toothbrush: Don’t use the bristled end, it’ s likely to scratch sensitive skin. Instead, consider the vibrating handle.

Continued on Page 15 II

kles magic powder into her Iow a w henever she d esires a k w a s i.”

When she does this, she experiences the most pleasant sensation and usu­ ally sleeps very well. Another char­ acter is quoted to have said: “This stuff is great fun.”

If you plan to engage in a mild form of asceticism in a forest some­ where, here’s a tip from a clever and resourceful Kwan Hopi Chief, who hollows out a squash and fashions it to p erfectly resem ble a Io w a .

“Thereupon the men, one after another, spend the entire night cou­ pling with the gourd.”

Shocking survey results!

In a recent international sex Hopi folklore has a plethora of For centuries, the K am a Sutra sexual tales giving advice to lonely survey conducted by P la yb oy, more

by V atasyayan a has been the characters such as Horned Lizard than 6,000 men w orld-w ide authority on sexual positions, sold Woman “who energetically sprin­ “revealed” their sexual habits. In a blatant contradiction, in almost every book shop T aiw anese men had the w o rld-w ide. The c lassic highest number who said Sutra includes comprehen­ they expect sex on the first sive poetic descriptions of date, yet also had the great­ almost every heterosexual est percentage of men who position imaginable. Here’s have had only one sexual one of our favourites: partner. The Poles admitted The rou n d-th igh ed w om an on to masturbating the most th e b e d g r a s p s h e r a n k les (32 per cent), Hungarians a n d r a i s e s h ig h h e r lo tu s report having the most sex fe e t ; in public (as well as part­ You strik e h e r to th e ro o t, ners who “w ill try an y­ k issin g a n d sla p p in g o p en thing”), and 17% of Dutch p a lm ed b etw een h er brea sts: men said they never receive th is is “M a rk a ta ” (T h e oral sex..

M onkey) F in a lly , ju st in case — translated by Indra yo u’re staying home this Sinha summer, never fear because An Indian folktale sug­ if you need some loving, gests that to keep your lover it’ s for the taking. North interested you should prepare Americans win the award a magic drink of spiced lentil for the most lovers — 57 soup or ra sam and pour it per cent said they have had over the head of your more than 11 sexual part­ beloved. This w ill ensure ners. fidelity and intense pleasure.

T he K a m a S u tra - b u t w e p u t c lo t h e s o n th em .

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places Resident sex expert discovers the wonders o f the campus B y Ra c h e l Sto ko e

As illustrated in Boticelli's Au P rin tem ps, spring is a fertile time filled with fat cherubs and blonde women spewing flowers. It is no wonder that our minds turn from Structural G eology and Shakespeare to more tender notions of seraphs and strawberry-scented condom s. The new found sun, beam ing down on the pastey M cGill students, awakens primal urges to dance on the daisy covered mountain, run naked through our fine institution’s hallways and, per­ haps most pressing, find a spouse with whom to copulate.

C ontrary to popular b elief, McGill is not the antithesis to car­ nal p leasu re. The b e lly of the bureaucracy not only has active mate-recruiting grounds, but can act as gasoline to the fires of passion.

Our first stop takes us to the A lley. Despite the non-aphrodesic effects of caffeine, this purple tomb inspires covert come-hither glances and tacit sign als to mfcet at the counter for foccaccia and foreplay.

The p h allic, sm ouldering sticks dangling from every mouth provide an undercurrent of sexual tension.

Erotic, verbal insinuation is hidden in talk of Nietsche and Rushkoff.

The pool table, seen by some as a green felt S ea ly with deep pockets to serve as stirrups, has a swinging lam p above for more acrobatic endeavours.

around the comer.

Upstairs from this den of hedo­ nism is Gert’s. The 24-hour MTV coverage, filled with fast cuts and heavy-breasted toothpaste commer­ cials, flood the potential love play­ ground with the sounds of Alanis

P ass th ro u g h th e g a t e s a n d w e lc o m e to th e p le a s u r e d o m e.

If more privacy is needed, the intimate R ed H errin g offices and the photo darkroom (filled with funky mood lights and potentially stim ulating chem icals) are right

Morissette (the mistress of tempta­ tion). This, coupled with very cheap alco h o l (the p o st-in d u strialist world’ s ambrosia), almost ensures ensnaring a willing partner. People

have been known to wander into the lo ckab le vau lts of the SSM U offices after a heady amount of heavy petting beside the change machine.

If you desire a more natural setting for your visceral bliss, try the Ziggurat. With the ice tumbling around your bed of snow and icicles falling dangerously close to your skull, this structure offers an apoca­ lyp tic, destructive intensity that keeps your bum frostbitten, your nipples standing to attention and your gonads pumped. Finding a ready spouse located near this area is tricky. Your best bet is the art steps, where debauched students sit, readily seizing any opportunity to forget class and embrace intemper­ ance. (If the Ziggurat is occupied, you could try near the Three Bares to enhance your school spirit.)

For the more studious types, hidden between the bookshelves of McLennon, are diligent students, just waiting to fog up their reading glasses and reach an ecstatic state on a pile of Clausewitz. There is no real need to pick the locks of the graduate student o ffices out of courtesy for those cramming for finals — few people actually ever

wander into this pillar of intrigue.

The G eology lounge, in the FDA building, is a romping ground with free hot chocolate. The stu­ dents in this major are necessarily sexually obsessed. Bubbling below th eir stoney ex terio rs is a hot, exp lo sive lava, w aitin g to gush forth, much lik e the earth they study. Surrounded by celestial mod­ els hanging from the ceiling, makes for an inter-galactic orgasm.

The Birks Building provides fodder for those who find blasphe­ my a stimulus.

The ch ap el’ s church m usic pours through the building, and the stacks of its library offer a haven for illicit activity. As foreplay, you could attend mass or maybe orches­ trate a baptism in the bathroom.

This location adds divine dimen­ sions to your love-games. The risk run, of course, is getting caught by a priest who is wont to condemn you to Hell for eternity.

While this foray is not exhaus­ tive, it provides a starting point in your exploration of the finer points of the campus. Be young, have fun, and remember, whatever doesn’ t get you expelled can only make you stronger.

Invitation to the Youth to Create a Harmonious Nation through Yogic Flying Dr. Neil Paterson Party Leader, Natural Law Party

Those who want an alternative approach to solving the national unity crisis are invited to learn Yogic Flying and experience bubbling bliss while creating harmony in national consciousness

Yogic Flying Enlivens he result of the October referendum and the growing disharmony in the Unifying Power country have made it clear that we The Natural Law Party offers a scientifi­ need a new approach to create harmony in proven program—Yogic Flying, an cally Canada. During the 1993 federal election, advanced program of Transcendental Medi­ the Natural Law Party offered a profound tation —to enliven Natural Law in our na­ new approach to governing, which would tion. Since our government is a reflection of create a new Canada: a strong, united, har­ the quality of national consciousness, a more monious nation with a perfect government coherent national consciousness produced capable of satisfying the diverse needs of all by the Yogic Flyers will strengthen the uni­ Canadians. Had Canadians chosen to vote fying power of the government and give it for the Natural Law Party we would not be the ability to satisfy the needs and aspira­ facing our current crisis. tions of every individual and cultural group in the nation.

T

Strengthening the Unifying Power of Government

The Natural Law Party is not a political party whose policy it is to depreciate the govern­ ment in any way. However, it is clear that the unifying power of the federal government is weak.

If our leaders are to succeed in their laudable efforts to preserve our country and at the same time satisfy the Quebec people then we need to strengthen unity and harmony not only in the government, but throughout the whole nation.

Reducing Collective Stress By enlivening Natural Law in collective consciousness, Yogic Flying creates an in­ fluence of harmony that dissolves overall stress and tension in society. Large groups practising Yogic Flying would immediately dissolve the stress, discord and divisiveness in national consciousness. The result would be increased cooperation and peacefulness and reductions in conflicts and the numerous social problems that arise from built-up ten­ sion in society.

New Approach to Unity

Problems Due to Violation of Natural Law

Therefore I am inviting the young people to not leave the future of the country solely in the hands of the government but tojoin me in taking a new approach to preserving the unity of the country based on knowledge and application of profound principles of Natural Law.

All problems of society are caused by the violation of Natural Law by the whole popu­ lation. This creates negative trends such as crime, ill health, economic stagnation, break­ down of the family and even cultural ten­ sions and disharmony.

Discovery of Total Intelligence of Nature in Human Physiology Recent discoveries in the field of physiology have revealed that human physiology con­ tains within it the total potential of Natural Law and that Yogic Flying enlivens this total intelligence of nature inherent in the human physiology. I encourage everyone, young and old, to study this remarkable discovery

by Tony Nader, M.D., Ph.D., in his newly published book, entitled, Human P h ysiol­ o g y : E xpression o f Veda and the Vedic Lit­ erature. (To order, see below.)

Appeal to Young People I appeal to the young people of Canada to become Yogic Flyers and experts in Natural Law because the future of our nation is in their hands. They should not leave it to the current leadership of the country to resolve Canada’s problems. Take action now to ensure a bright future for yourselves and our dear nation.

Appeal to Parents I also want to make an appeal to all parents, who do not want their children to suffer in life, to support them in taking up this sci­ ence and art of creating harmony in society.

Yogic Flying integrates mind and body and

Benefits of Yogic Flying

Natural Law Upholds Unity and Diversity The ability to maintain unity and harmony while satisfying the diverse needs of the individual belongs to Natural Law alone. It is Natural Law that administers the infinite diversity of our universe while maintaining perfect order and harmony.

While it is natural and legitimate for the Quebec people to aspire to greater power and freedom, it is not necessary to break the bonds of love and unity with the rest of Canada to achieve this ideal. Natural Law always upholds both unity and diversity.

Those who have the full support of Natural Law become the masters of their own des­ tiny while living in perfect harmony and unity with all others.

Political sovereignty, without the support of Natural Law, is a mirage because if one is not fully supported by the invincible, evolution­ ary power of Natural Law, one will always be dominated by someone else. Real free­ dom and sovereignty belongs only to those who live in perfect alliance with Natural Law.

Everyone must be educated to live in accord with Natural Law. Yogic Flying brings sup­ port of Natural Law to the individual and, when practised in groups, will restore posi­ tive and harmonious trends in society.

More than 500 scientific studies have validated the following benefits of Transcendental Meditation and Yogic Flying

For the Nation

For the Individual • • • • •

Increased happiness and self-confidence Decreased stress and anxiety Increased intelligence and creativity Improved academic performance Increased job performance and job satisfaction • Reduced incidence of all categories of disease, including heart disease and cancer • Improved personal relationships • Reduced use of alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs

Reduced collective stress and conflict ■Strengthened national unity ■Reduced crime and violence ■Improved national economy—reduced inflation and unemployment >Decreased drop-out rate, increased desire for higher education >Reduction of health care costs by 50% • Improved quality of city, provincial, and national life

Yogic Flying Presentation: Hotel Cantlie Suites, 1110 Sherbrooke West (comer of Peel) Thursday April 4, at 5 :00pm For an information package, you can write to the Natural Law Party at 500 Wilbrod Street, Ottawa, ON KIN 6N2, or call 800 307-0369 (8-5 EST) or view our web page: http://www.multi-medias.ca/nlp To purchase Dr. Nader’s book, or a 25-minute video on Yogic Flying, call 800 255-8332

P roduction A ssistants

Yogic Flyers experience bubbling bliss, while creating peace and harmony in society

unfolds the creative genius within everyone.

By practising Yogic Flying your children will enjoy growing happiness and peace in their own lives and will serve to preserve this wonderful nation that you have worked so hard to build.

Strong Unified Canada Here is a call to the young people of Canada— the future leaders of the nation—to wake up now and take effective action, or to continue living in uncertainty about your future and the future of our country. With the support of Natural Law you can fulfill your dream of a strong unified Canada in which all its peoples find fulfillment for a happy, prosperous life and at the same time feel secure in the integ­ rity of their own language and cultural val­ ues . Canada can be a model of an ideal nation in which peoples of all races, cultures, and religions live together in peace, harmony and prosperity.

Canada Needs to be Rebuilt in Accord with Natural Law The most ancient textbooks of Natu­ ral Law—Veda and Vedic litera­ ture—place great importance on the orientation of the entrance to a build­ ing and a country. In these texts, it is stated that a southern entrance (an entrance that faces south) is inauspi­ cious, interferes with the support of Natural Law, and brings negative and destructive influences to the country or to the inhabitants of the building.

However, the Parliament Buildings in Ottawa have a main entrance to the south and most of our border en­ trances are from the south. In order for our government to be effective and to improve the good fortune of the country and all its people, it is very important to close south en­ trances to Parliament and for Cana­ dians to refrain from using any south entrances to their homes, office build­ ings, and towns. Unless we recon­ struct our country in accord with the principles of the ancient Vedic sys­ tem of building in harmony with Natural Law, problems and misfor­ tune w ill continue in our government and our nation.

I invite all city planners and develop­ ers to take up this call to redress the violation of Natural Law created by improper design and construction of our homes and cities. Until now, this knowledge was not known. But now that it is available, I urge all Canadi­ ans to take advantage of these simple, but profound principles of Natural Law to ensure good health, prosperity, and good fortune for themselves and their families.

April 2nd, 1996

F eatu res pagei5

Building on an honours thesis: Moshe Safdie...

W Continued from Page 1

Drummond said. “Safdie’s reknown is already made. He doesn’t need this book to in crease that. It’ s extremely valuable for anyone who wants to study his work in depth.”

Drummond, who was a year behind Safdie in the School of

had very keen aw areness of the im portance of garden and open archives be organised. space,” Drummond explained. “He Organising the archive was not believed strongly that a house was easy, Murray said. more than just a box that you lived “One of the problems was that in. It had to extend out into the the archives were coming from two open. To have plant life and open different Safdie offices, the one in space around you was impor­ Boston and the one in tant. So the two together Jerusalem,” she explained. had to do w ith the “The Jerusalem mate­ arrangement of the mod­ rial is in much more frag­ ules, in such a way that ile condition than the the one man’s roof is the material from Boston. The other man’s garden.” clim ate in Israel is very’ “But this type of idea dry and that’s very bad for was tried in other loca­ anything made from tions. It never caught on,” paper. When the material he concluded. arrives, it comes rolled up S afd ie’ s interest in in tubes, and you take out housing for the general the tube and the paper populace has made him a sometimes breaks in your w ell-know n arch itect. hands because it’s so brit­ Former M cG ill student tle and dry.” and current Safdie To remedy the prob­ archivist Laura Dent com­ lem, architecture students mented upon S a fd ie ’ s designed h um id ifiers importance. made from two garbage “Safdie is one of the bins and a few b ricks. few architects that I know Placing the rolls of paper who is involved and still in the humidifier and leav­ concerned about so cial ing them overnight left the issues in arch itecture,” papers pliable enough to Dent said. be stretched flat the next “I a lw a y s felt that day. arch itecture was about Involving arch itec­ housing people. It’s hard ture students in the project for an architect to hold was en jo yab le, M urray The H abitat: a c c la im e d b y a r ch ite cts w o r ld w id e this kind of conviction said. rather than constantly go “These are the Moshe A rchitecture, said that S a fd ie ’ s for the monumental structures,” she Safdies of today,” she commented.

“They are writing their thesis now interests were atypical of architec­ continued.

— and in a way it is a continuation ture students at the time. “[Safdie] was very committed of the tradition of the school [of THE LINGUISTIC to housing in his final few years at arch itectu re]. The students are McGill,” Drummond said.

“In those building on the work of an older EXCHAN GE CLUS student who went on to bigger and days, most architects were interest­ ed in the great public buildings, “Jieam a new language O O better things,” she said. make a new friend.”

According to Professor Derek designing city halls and the more Drummond, director of the McGill pompous monumental buildings — English, français, espahol, etc.

School of Architecture, the book and housing was not even studied,” he continued. targets researchers and architects. “[Safdie] was looking for a “This book is for art historians, systematic way of building in a pro­ l^ jd ^ J n eS U Ia t a il arch itects, lib ra rie s, scholars, research ers and the lik e ,” duction line technique that could produce affordable housing. He also

More importantly, Dent sees Safdie’s commitment to the quality of modem living as the proof of his importance in modem architecture.

“The Habitat ‘67 project has all the issues that Safdie still holds dear to him self today,” she explained.

“The project became a community for people, but within that commu­

Joy of Sex..

W Continued from Page 13 •Soap: Everyone can use help with those hard-to-reach areas when showering.

•Lipstick or liner: You’re never too old to play connect-the-dots. Unlike markers or other w riting im ple­ ments, either of these can be easily removed with mild soap or make-up remover.

•E lectric shaver: W hat do you think?

•Shaving cream: see ‘Nutella’, but don’t lick. Gross.

•Television: Uninspired? Rent a trashy pom and play “simon says”.

•Phone book: For the good o le’ spankin’ game! Watch out for arm fatigue.

•Strip-tease: The ‘I-dare-you-toflash-the-old-neighbour-next-door’ gam e. Beware of repercussions.

Variant: Inform your neighbours of an I-spy extravaganza.

•Roommate’s camera: Take your

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nity, it’ s designed so that people retain their identities in a high den­ sity area. For 30 years, Safdie has remained interested in this idea,” she said.

A ccording to Dent, S afd ie “will be one of the architects of this century who w ill be most recog­ nised.”

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Cigarettes are addictive

H ealth C a n a d a a d v is e s that sm o k in g is a d d ictive and c a u s e s lung ca n cer, e m p h y s e m a a n d heart d is e a s e . i l l t l f t T T I T t

April 2nd, 1996

F eatu res

Santropol Roulant...

M Continued from Page 11 The art exhibit welcomes any kind of art — whether a painting or a song. It can have a spiritual or em otional undertone, C arrier explained, but it should bring out “the heart g iv in g food to your life.”

“There is a need in the com­ m u n ity to help the e ld e rs. W e

No support for bras...

don’t create this need, we respond to it,” Carrier said. The proof of the pro gram ’ s effect “is in the sm ile that the elder people give me,” he continued.

Carrier said that if such a ser­ v ic e did not e x is t, the e ld e rly would have to eat out all the time, which they cannot do, because of the exp en se in v o lv ed . B eyo n d

this, with Santropol Roulant, you can be sure to get “good food and great service.”

C Hr ^ d A nyone in te r e s te d in p a r tic ­ ip a tin g in th e a rt ex h ibition sh o u ld co n ta ct L eah o r E ric a t S a n tr o p o l R ou la n t. T el: 284 9335.

China’s business in body parts...

W Continued from Page 11 Administration of anti-blood clotting agents, production of arti­ ficial airways, the timing and loca­ tions of executions have all been used to optimise and prepare the organ for surgery.

“You can’t get a good heart or liv er without m eddling with the p riso n er b efo reh an d ,” said Guttmann. It is this aspect of med­ ical interference before death that he finds “very unethical and bar­ baric by any standard”.

Often, a mobile medical unit is ready and waiting at the execu­ tion site for a declaration of death, so doctors can remove the needed body parts as quickly as possible.

In many cases, the corpses are cre­ mated and returned to the families so that id en tifica tio n of organ rem oval cannot be made. There has been testimony from former Chinese surgeons and police com­ manders attesting to these actions.

The C h in ese governm ent maintains that in all cases, positive consent is given by the prisoner before organ removal occurs.

“I personally think the whole consent issue is bogus...obtaining consent in a totalitarian state has been demonstrated over and over... to be coercive,” said Guttmann.

Hey, all you

FEATURES

The idea of using condemned p riso n ers as organ donors is d escrib ed b y S o m e rv ille as “exploitation of the most gross degree.”

The practice is often referred to as the “harvesting of organs.”

“I t’ s as if y o u ’ ve grow n a crop of organs and you have a reaper to get them in,” Somerville said.

Guttmann revealed the magni­ tude of the problem in China.

He said that in China, 4,596 kidney transplantations were per­ formed before 1989 while 1,000 were performed in 1989. Over 90

per cent of these kidn eys cam e from executed prisoners according to a transplantation surgeon from China, Guttmann explained.

A m n esty’ s in itia tiv e w ill attempt to hit the Chinese govern­ ment through an international let­ ter writing campaign. In addition, public awareness and the actions of local Amnesty groups w ill pres­ sure local governments to stand up to China.

It stresses that it is up to the in tern atio n al com m unity to acknowledge these practices and to pressure China into desisting from them.

If you wouldn't mind rooming with a lesbian, bisexual, gay or transgender student next year, call LBGTM's new Queer-Friendly housing service.

398-6822 http://w w w .facl.m cgill.ca/vub/clubs/lbgtm /

T h a n k y o u ...

Science writers

__________ ________ Science c - j W atch Alex Daniel David

Erin Josh Laura

McGill Student Health Services would like to acknowledge and thank

W

WYETH-AYERST C A N Æ D A IN C .

for their generous donation of a luncheon served February 1, 1996 at the Macdonald Campus Health Fair.

ATTENTION: GRADUATING STUDENTS W h y w a s te y o u r la s t d a y o f u n i v e r s i t y s t u d y i n g ...

4 4J 2

b

... when you can party with 4 ,9 99 other graduating students?

It’s the Grad Class Reunion - your first McGill reunion Free beer ...Free hot dogs ...and C H O M ’s Electric Lunch Hour Starting at 11:30 a.m., Friday, April 12

Watch for the tents near Redpath Hall!

M c G ill

(in the event o f rain - University Centre Ballroom)

Sg

McGill

ALUMNI

is

C L ^ S S ACTIO N

ASSOCIATION

ALMA MATER F U N D

sponsored by:

Jon and Lizl

Maple Leaf MELOCHE Hurley's Food llIC

insurance brokers

||-j£|| P ill)

1

Sam Shea Todd

We apologize for not including this thank you in the last issue of “The Student Body”.

Listen up!

IWith deepest Isympathy, your |slavedrivers,

complexity of scientific research, headlines do not always reflect an said Batist. article’s contents.

John Kalbfleisch, a reporter for “Health related things have an the M on trea l G azette, argued that am azing im pact on the public. news reporters in every area are People are losing sight of the fact trained to get all the relevant sides that this is touching a huge number to a story. of people,” said Batist.

However, he confesses that at Furtherm ore, there is a lag times, a reporter may be thrown into between labratory research and clin­ a science story at the last minute ical trials to determine the therapeu­ with little experience or knowledge.

In such cases, it is harder for that tic benefits of the research. person to report as thoroughly. Therefore, it is thought that much Those who are given a science beat popular scientific literature fails to are more likely to go to the trouble convey the m essage that not all research has im m ediate co n se­ of getting all the facts straight.

‘The problem is to understand quences on the general public.

White believes that the media in general what the scientists have been up to. I have to understand reports negative information on more about what the scientist is health issues more often than posi­ doing than what will appear in my tive ones. Consequently, the pub­ story,” said Kalbfleisch. lic’s response to such articles is one A lthough some jo u rn alists of fear and panic because they are demonstrate an understanding of the not given all the facts and figures.

W Continued from Page 11

Queer-Friendly Housing

writers. | We dig you cuz you| dig hard — for sources. You get even more recognition on the other list (p31).

Long live Thursday deadlines!

pagei7

MOLSON «N i O’K E E F E

d im 917fin M o n tre a l's C la s s ic R o ck

T H I *

W W W . JW1410H m i t . JD Ht (LAPP. JAHt TIÜÏÏÜH. JULIA A0UIV4UHAI. M O I t l OHC, M O U * |( ( |. I H JJIHt m

m cneeK as any or rneir snoaanyc o n stru c te d , acted , and d ire c te d films, Trom a’s site revels in kitsch.

Y ou can dow nload the “T rom ette of the M onth” (inevitably a bikiniclad lass from one of their grade-Z e p ics), o r fin d o u t how you can potentially contribute scripts for the

nuns, w nai couiu possioiy oe oetter? This site puts such stuffy com ­ p e tito r s as M ira m a x to sh a m e .

C h e c k y o u r s e lf - r e s p e c t a t th e mouse, head on in, and enjoy.

The Toronto Love Connection (http://www.tlcplus.com)

a . . . ANP TO OU OTWTI (OHMUTIHC W IOTOOTIIW I tW M l Tlllt CtOAIOBt «

aiso tn e o p p o rtu n ity ro r you to leave your own vital stats and, as a thoughtful service, there are various categories which offer insight into w ho m ig h t best su it y o u r needs, em otionally or otherw ise. At least if y o u s ta rt a r e la tio n s h ip w ith som eone in th is rath e r odd w ay,

Steppin’ out with my baby The ‘96 Lovers ’ restaurant review B y S ylvie B a b a r ik

re a tu re s tra n s c rip tio n s or so n g s with tablature, lessons, audio and video clips, and the “chord o f the week” that you might care to imple­ m en t in y o u r p la y in g . T h ere are also about a dozen other links that lead you to alternative music sites, and b eyond. T ru ly a g arg a n tu an

goo has all the m akings of a rom antic inter­ lude.

Maestro S.V.P. (St. Laurent) has all-youcan-eat mussels every Monday. With flavours as diverse as raspberry wine or oriental style, you can suck the little critters down en masse and tantalize your taste buds with an extrava­ gant selection. For those who have the stom­ ach, this restaurant also has a wide selection of oysters — raw and cooked. Think o f it, good ol’ barnacle-covered mollusks with an aphro-

Continued on Page 22 II

.

tnougn: w nne some or the pictures aren’t too bad to look at, some are absolutely stomach-turning. This is, w ithout question, w hat the W orld Wide W eb ought to be — a haven for the underground, yet one that is constructed with style and smarts.

Go, but go carefully.

Theatre for the blind...

II Continued from Page 1

fondue h eaven. D ip p in g th in g s in to w arm melted chocolate is such a sensual experience that lighter eaters should consider sharing one main-course fondue to accomodate the desert delight.

Beyond being delicious, fondue is the per­ fect thing to eat on a date, because tradition says that if you drop the meat or bread from your fork into the pot, you have to kiss the per­ son to your right. Therefore, if it’s ju st the two o f you, you’re always on each other’s right!

Moreover, the suggestive nature o f submerging your long skew er into a sm ouldering pot o f

A s th e su n n y d a y s lu re h ib e rn a tin g M ontrealers out o f th eir w inter hovels, the practice o f preparing supper is becom ing a thing of the past. It’s time to eat out!

Spring is also a time traditionally associ­ ated with new loves.

No d oubt you w ould like to take your flame to Medeterranio (St.Laurent), but their c h e a p e st sa lad is $ 5 ,5 0 and th e ir lu c io u s sounding main courses start around $12. One affordable way to experience Medeterranio is to stand outside and read their menu...It worked for me.

I f you w an t to w oo y o u r prospective sweetheart with your great table manners, try Le Nil Bleu (3706 St.Denis). This won­ d e rfu l E th io p ia n re s ta u r a n t serves a number of tasty, curry­ like mooshes. The thrill is that you get to eat ’em up with a type o f so ft, c re p e -lik e b rea d and your fingers! (‘Tis true that you can also eat with your hands at McDonald’s, but I can safely say that the Blue Nile is a step up.)

M m m ...b a c o n a n d w in e If you c a n ’t handle spices but you still w ant your supperd a te to be so m e w h a t c h a lle n g in g , go to Fonduemental (4325 St.Denis). Cheese-lovers can dive into any one of seven different types o f cheese fondue, flavoured by ingredients such as pesto, wild m ushroom s or M audite b eer — ask fo r the M audite V ache S oûle (translation: the damned drunk cow).

F o n d u e m e n ta l a lso h as a n u m b e r o f Chinese fondues (meats you cook yourself in tasty broth) and B ourguinone fondues (hot oils).

If you make it through your meal and still have a little room, then go straight to chocolate

WU H . . .

th e p r o f o u n d m e s s a g e , i t ’ s j u s t th e hum an exp erien ce...”

K illey concludes w ith a sum m ary o f the sh o w ’s im portance.

“W h a t w e ’re try in g to do w ith the project, is to have a p ersonal co n v ersa­ tion, to m ake us in d iv id u als, n o t ju s t a gro u p o f people w ith canes. T o m ake a personal id en tificatio n — w e start h av ­

room filled w ith strange objects, a street and a bar.

M ichael loves M ontreal an d is ex u ­ berant in his praise for the city. F or him the m ost frustrating aspect o f living here, h o w e v e r, is th e la c k o f e m p lo y m e n t opportunities.

“People understand u s v e r y w e ll h e r e in M o n tr e a l a n d th e y r e c o g n is e u s , th e y recognise o u r abilities,” com m en ts K illey. “B ut I h a v e a f e e l i n g th a t w hen they see us w alk­ in g b y th e r e th e y say ‘isn ’t that am azing that he can w alk by h im self on the stree t!’ B ut then so m eh o w , th e re ’s a ju m p in th a t in f o rm a ­ tion and they m ake that a s su m p tio n th a t w e ’re going hom e to listen to th e ra d io o r s it in th e h ouse.

T h e y d o n ’t F in d in g y o u r w a y in the d a rk m a k e th e a s s u m p tio n that this guy w h o ’s so functional on the ing th e co n v e rsatio n s a t the en d o f the street could probably do a jo b .” tour at the b ar in w hich w e explain our K elly elaborated on these daily frus­ h isto ry , w e e x p la in o u r ed u c a tio n , o u r tratio n s an d th eir lin k to the m u seu m ’s past, o u r w ork experience... you realise, production. ‘o h y es th e se p e o p le d o a c tu a lly h av e “ I t’s a th e a tre p ie ce w h ere y o u ’re lives beyond th eir w alking up and dow n th e p a r ti c ip a n t,” sa y s K ille y . “ I t ’s a the street.’” handicap aw areness project, th a t’s w hat I w ant to get o ut o f it. It’s a co m m unica­ 6 tion tool: it g iv es peo p le a new w ay to c o m m u n ic a te w ith o th e r p eo p le. I t’s a “D ia lo g u e in th e D a r k ” ru n s u n til w ay to teach p eo p le how to ap p reciate September 7. Show times are Tues-Sun th eir ow n senses an d th e ir o th e r senses 13h-20h. $9.95 fo r adults, $6.95 fo r stu­ dents. and through that hopefully understand us better. A nd fo r those w ho ju s t c a n ’t find

-

Page 22

April 2nd, 1996

Entertainment

j/ou'Ue alvOays yot the superfly dope.

ENTERTAINMENT WRITERS: A SHOUT OUT FROM KURT " THE MACK " NEWMAN ANÙ " F O X r RACHEL STOKOE.

PEACE OUT.

VOYAGESCAMPUS

M cGILL U N IVERSITY PRESENTS:

Q J

Ï

) o

when you purchase an

International Student Identity Card (IS IC ) from March 25th to 27th in the Shatner building (formerly the Student Union Suilding) 9:00am - 5:00pm

To incoming Entertainment editors...

The academic year of 1995/96 has presented a variety of challenges and triumphs for the Entertainment section of the Tribune. The time has come to pass the torch onto the next generation of editors. It is common wisdom when giving a speech to start with a joke, so here goes.

One day, a young man delivered a movie review to the Entertainment editors that began “this movie is like a bad hand job...” — wait, that actu­ ally happened (lesson learned? Editors must edit).

So we begin with the problems that present themselves to the unsus­ pecting Entertainment editors. Firstly, there are regular dealings with those unfortunate bullies known as record company reps, who act real hurt and disappointed when you don’t want to interview Kim Stockwood or DOA. The joke was ultimately on them, though, when we got an advance copy of the Beatles anthology, with the Human League’s greatest hits on the CD, instead of the Fab Four. The following day, a frantic repboy stormed into the office, demanding the CD, and babbling incoherently: “they have dogs guarding the pressing plant... they have dogs!”

Be weary, as well, o f the friendly folk involved in McGill theatre.

Busy all the time breaking the fourth wall, or whatever it is they do, these kids don’t take well to criticism. How many theatre students does it take to change a light— aw, forget it.

Folksingers don’t seem to have much o f a sense of humour, either— hey guys, Dylan went electric in 1965 — what are you doing with your lives?!! A humorous piece about a certain dead rock icon in the first issue resulted in continued death threats from hippies throughout the year.

Most Entertainment editors apply for the jo b because of a relatively simple thought process (hmm, free CD’s). Who knew that it would involve sitting in on endless meetings about the grander vision of the Tribune, while debating our chances of averting a lawsuit or what is meant by the term ‘journalistic integrity'? At least one editor spent the majority of the process thinking about Ernest movies (as in: “I wish I had gone to see Ernest Goes to Camp, or “wouldn’t it be weird if all those Ernest movies had actually been directed by Krystoff Kieslowski?”) The best approach we learned to get the ed board to leave us alone was con­ vincing them that we were incompetent, with the added bonus of reducing our workload by half.

All is not wine and roses in B01A. Scheduled interviews fall through, particularly painful examples being Napalm Death and Luna, whose leader, Dean Wareham, ended the interview after one question (my pen ran out of ink).

Perhaps the most defeating realisation is that you can’t sell all of the free CDs you get — some wily record reps scratch off the call number or, worse, give you music even your first time writers don’t want ( 3 copies of Jesus-freak rap group DC Talk’s new record).

Also, you end up still having to pay for your nights out. Those free press screenings? They’re all at nine in the morning.

So, good luck Anya and Marc. Just remember that no matter what grief the job may give you, none of your fellow editors will ever find themselves having an interview subject tell you about Roger Ebert’s pro­ clivities for big-chested women and, if a PR person scares you, you can always hide in Trib West and a more responsible editor will cover your shit.

A fond farewell from your humble outgoing editors,

FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL VOYAGES CAMPUS AT 39S-0647

“T C tctC V ’ f â a c A e t .

P.S. SSMU candidates— we don’t know who you are! We don’t care! We don’t have any power! Yer wasting yer time!

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...sexy Montreal restos || Continued from Page 21 disiac effects to boot!

If you are successful in w in­ n in g th e fa v o u r o f y o u r sp rin g catch, you may be interested in a few breakfast ideas.

D usty’s (4510 Parc), the ideal cheap greasy-spoon, is the perfect fo llo w up to a h ig h c h o le ste ro l evening... you can die in each oth­ ers arms.

If your urge is for pancakes, an d it h a p p e n s to be S u n d ay , E n c o r e u n e F o is (351 P rin c e Albert, W estm ount) will treat you well. Aside from making some of the yum m iest fruit pancakes, they always serve you real maple syrup (unlike some places on the com er of St.U rbain and M ount R oyal, that charge for the real stuff).

L ’A v e n u e (M o u n t R o y a l) m a k es a so rt o f c re p e /p a n c a k e hybrid that will more than fill the breakfast void any other day of the week. You can have them covered

in granola and bananas, a chocolate chips mountain, strawberries, other berries or, the happy standby, maple syrup. L ’Avenue also has a variety of omelettes to satisfy a salty break­ fast craving. If you decide to go to this Shed-without-the-attitude-place for something other than breakfast, keep in mind that the fries are allyou-can-eat.

E g g s p e c ta tio n s (1 3 1 3 de M aisoneuveW .) W ith a communal and loud dining area (the cooks are know n to break into a p an -slam ­ ming clatter session at the b egin­ ning of designated songs), and huu-u-u-ge portions, this restaurant has a celebratory sort of feel. The serving sizes are all about excess, and c e rta in ly e lic it a h ed o n istic edge (if you couldn’t guess by the name, their speciality is in the egg department).

So w ith these few tasty, and tasteless hints, you can hopefully enjoy a few meals with your mate.

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the baby shower

ENTERTAINMENT

A pril 2nd, 1996

Page 21

Reintroducing yourself to your computer during exam season

By J.S.T rzcienski As exams and deadlines loom large over your head, you may be g ettin g som ew hat stressed about the fact that you can’t stop procras­ tinating, and that Bay watch at 5:00 is lo o k in g b e tte r th a n y o u r B iochem istry textbook. W hat fol­ lows is a lovely way to wean your­ se lf o ff te ev ee and back to your co m p u ter — I ’m recom m ending, n a tu ra lly , th a t yo u g ra b y o u r modem and go surfing. Yes indeed, the World W ide Web offers lots of fun and entertainm ent for all, and, if you can muster the courage to go v isit these places, w ho know s... m ay b e e v e n tu a lly y o u ’ll tire o f them and return to the safe haven of delightful studies.

Troraa Films Home (http://www.troma.com/)

c o m p a n y ’s co n sid eratio n . H eck, th ey ev e n h av e a se c tio n c a lle d “T ro m a C a s tin g ” ( “ lo o k u n d e r ‘T ro m a ... F is h in g ’,” it q u ip s ).

T here, you w ill d isc o v er how to send info on yourself to their New York offices so that one day, you too may be featured in one o f their

Really interested in finding out w hat T o ro n to sin g les lo o k lik e?

Then go cruise them, virtual-style!

TLC features an archive of pictures and stats for hundreds of men and w o m en in an d a ro u n d T o ro n to , many o f them with e-mail address­ es begging for e-pen-pals. There is

Page

If y o u ’ve even heard o f such fine flicks as The Toxic Avenger or Class o f Nuke ‘Em High, then you and this page deserve one another.

Constructed with tongue as far back in cheek as any of their shoddilyc o n stru c te d , acted , and d ire c te d films, Trom a’s site revels in kitsch.

You can dow nload the “Trom ette o f the M onth” (inevitably a bikiniclad lass from one o f their grade-Z e p ic s), o r fin d o u t how you can potentially contribute scripts for the

films. W hat could possibly be bet­ ter? This site puts such stuffy com ­ p e tito r s as M ira m a x to sh a m e .

C h e c k y o u r s e lf - r e s p e c t at th e mouse, head on in, and enjoy.

The Toronto Love Connection (http://www.tlcpius.com)

a lso th e o p p o rtu n ity fo r you to leave your own vital stats and, as a thoughtful service, there are various categories which offer insight into w ho m ig h t b est su it y o u r needs, em otionally or otherwise. At least if y o u s ta rt a r e la tio n s h ip w ith som eone in th is rath e r odd w ay,

Steppin’ out with my baby The ‘96 Lovers ’ restaurant review B y S ylvie B a b a r ik

goo has all the makings o f a romantic inter­ lude.

Maestro S.V.P. (St. Laurent) has all-youcan-eat mussels every Monday. With flavours as diverse as raspberry wine or oriental style, you can suck the little critters down en masse and tantalize your taste buds with an extrava­ gant selection. For those who have the stom ­ ach, this restaurant also has a wide selection of oysters — raw and cooked. Think o f it, good ol’ barnacle-covered mollusks with an aphro-

Continued on Page 22 II

time-waster, but oh-so-much fun.

Dan’s Gallery of the Grotesque (http://www.zynet.com/~grotesk/ html/gotg_entrance.html)

B rin g y o u r P e p to B ism o l.

“Dan,” w hoever the hell he is, has Netcentral (http://www.netcen- fashioned a great-looking site that tral.net) features countless pictures o f mur­ Arguably, the m ost dangerous ders, suicides, animal cruelties, and site on the whole damn Internet. I various other disturbing im agery. say this, o f course, because it seems T he w eird thing is, this “Prem ier to have the g reatest p o ten tial fo r Forensics Exhibition on the W eb” b ec o m in g a d d ic tiv e , w h ich w ill is narrated with the voice o f a high­ really prove to be a bother w hen ly intelligent, apparently sane indi­ y o u r exam is to m o rro w and you vidual. ‘T h e gallery is a subversive can’t stop talking with “Blackbird” w ork,” D an w rites at the gates to from New M exico. Netcentral is a his m useum, “it is as offensive as bizarre yet engrossing site that links th e re a lity th a t it m irro rs. I f its various other room s and services ic o n o c la s tic c o n te n ts m ake you under one main heading. Netcentral laugh out of despair, then your visit C hat is a w ell-organized, easy to w as not w asted . If you are c o n ­ use group of chat rooms that work vinced that this is simply a collec­ great with N etscape 1.2 or better. tion o f disturbing images for your You don’t have to dow nload any­ own personal amusement, then you thing or enter a password; you sim­ truly are lost.” Some guy, Dan. I ply enter your handle, pick a room, cannot recommend this site highly and you’re in!!! If that seems rather enough, if only to read the lyrical nerdy, then you might prefer going and highly ironic prose that its cre­ to Guitar Net, an awesome link that a to r h as w ritte n . B e w a rn e d , fe a tu re s tra n s c rip tio n s o f so n g s though: while some o f the pictures with tablature, lessons, audio and aren’t too bad to look at, some are video clips, and the “chord o f the absolutely stomach-turning. This is, week” that you might care to imple­ w ithout question, w hat the W orld m ent in y o u r p lay in g . T h ere are Wide Web ought to be — a haven also about a dozen other links that for the underground, yet one that is lead you to alternative music sites, constructed with style and smarts. and b eyond. T ru ly a g arg a n tu an Go, but go carefully.

Theatre for the blind...

II Continued from Page 1

fondue h eaven. D ip p in g th in g s in to w arm melted chocolate is such a sensual experience that lighter eaters should consider sharing one main-course fondue to accomodate the desert delight.

Beyond being delicious, fondue is the per­ fect thing to eat on a date, because tradition says that if you drop the meat or bread from your fork into the pot, you have to kiss the per­ son to your right. Therefore, if it’s just the two o f you, you’re always on each other’s right!

Moreover, the suggestive nature of submerging your long skew er into a sm ouldering pot of

A s th e su n n y d a y s lu re h ib e rn a tin g M ontrealers out o f their w inter hovels, the practice o f preparing supper is becom ing a thing of the past. It’s time to eat out!

Spring is also a time traditionally associ­ ated with new loves.

No doubt you w ould like to take your flame to Medeterranio (St.Laurent), but their c h e a p e st sa la d is $ 5 ,5 0 and th e ir lu c io u s sounding main courses start around $12. One affordable way to experience M edeterranio is to stand outside and read their menu...It worked for me.

I f you w an t to w oo y o u r prospective sweetheart with your great table manners, try Le Nil Bleu (3706 St.Denis). This won­ d e rfu l E th io p ia n re s ta u r a n t serves a number of tasty, curry­ like mooshes. The thrill is that you get to eat ‘em up with a type o f so ft, c re p e -lik e bread and your fingers! ( ‘Tis true that you can also eat with your hands at McDonald’s, but I can safely say that the Blue Nile is a step up.)

M m m ...b a c o n a n d w in e If you ca n ’t handle spices but you still w ant your supperd a te to be so m e w h a t c h a lle n g in g , go to Fonduemental (4325 St.Denis). Cheese-lovers can dive into any one of seven different types o f cheese fondue, flavoured by ingredients such as pesto, w ild m ushroom s or M audite b ee r — ask fo r th e M au d ite V ache S oûle (translation: the damned drunk cow).

F o n d u e m e n ta l a lso h as a n u m b e r o f Chinese fondues (meats you cook yourself in tasty broth) and B ourguinone fondues (hot oils).

If you make it through your meal and still have a little room, then go straight to chocolate

you’ll be able to tell what they look like from the very start. Then again, the p icture you see m ight ju s t be something downloaded from Tiger Beat.

th e p r o f o u n d m e s s a g e , i t ’ s j u s t th e hum an experience...” room filled w ith strange objects, a street K illey concludes w ith a sum m ary o f and a bar. th e sh o w ’s im portance.

M ichael loves M ontreal and is ex u ­ “W h at w e ’re try in g to do w ith the berant in his praise fo r the city. F or him p roject, is to h av e a p erso n al co n v ersa­ the m ost frustrating aspect o f living here, tion, to m ake us in d iv id u als, n o t ju s t a h o w e v e r, is th e la c k o f e m p lo y m e n t gro u p o f people w ith canes. T o m ake a opportunities. p erso n al id en tificatio n — w e start h av ­ “People understand u s v e r y w e ll h e r e in M o n tr e a l a n d th e y r e c o g n is e u s , th e y recognise o u r abilities,” com m en ts K illey. “B u t I h a v e a f e e l i n g th a t w hen they see us w alk­ in g by th e re th e y say ‘isn ’t that am azing that he can w alk by h im self on the street!’ B ut then s o m e h o w , t h e r e ’s a ju m p in th a t in f o rm a ­ tion and they m ake that a ssu m p tio n th a t w e ’re going hom e to listen to th e ra d io o r s it in th e house.

T h e y d o n ’t F in d in g y o u r w a y in the d a rk m a k e th e a s s u m p tio n that this guy w h o ’s so functional on the in g th e co n v e rsatio n s a t the en d o f the street could probably do a jo b .” to u r at the b ar in w hich w e explain our K elly elaborated on these daily fru s­ tratio n s and th eir lin k to the m u se u m ’s h isto ry , w e ex p lain o u r ed u c a tio n , o u r past, o u r w ork experience... you realise, production. ‘o h y es th e se p e o p le d o a c tu a lly h av e “ I t ’s a th e a tre p ie c e w h ere y o u ’re lives beyond th eir w alking up and dow n th e p a r ti c ip a n t,” s a y s K ille y . “ I t ’s a the street.’” handicap aw areness project, th a t’s w hat I w ant to get o u t o f it. It’s a com m unica­ tion tool: it gives peo p le a new w ay to co m m u n ic ate w ith o th e r p eo p le. I t ’s a “D ia lo g u e in the D a r k ” ru n s u n til w ay to teach p eo p le how to ap p re cia te I September 7. Show times are Tues-Sun th eir ow n senses an d th eir o th e r senses I I3h-20h. $9.95 fo r adults, $6.95 fo r stuI dents. and through that hopefully understand us better. A nd for those w ho ju st c a n ’t find

Page 22

April 2nd, 1996

Entertainment

l/ou’Oe aUVays yot the superfly dope.

ENTERTAINMENT WRITERS: A SHOUT OUT FROM KURT " THE MACK" NEWMAN AND "FOX\l" RACHEL STOKOE.

PEACE OUT.

i VOYAGESCAMPUS

M cGILL U N IVERSITY PRESENTS:

tloB» when you purchase an

International Student Identity Card (1S1C) from March 25th to 27th in the 5hatner building (formerly the Student Union Suiiding) 9:00am - 5:00pm

To incoming Entertainment editors...

The academic year of 1995/96 has presented a variety of challenges and triumphs for the Entertainment section of the Tribune. The time has come to pass the torch onto the next generation of editors. It is common wisdom when giving a speech to start with a joke, so here goes.

One day, a young man delivered a movie review to the Entertainment editors that began “this movie is like a bad hand job...” — wait, that actu­ ally happened (lesson learned? Editors must edit).

So we begin with the problems that present themselves to the unsus­ pecting Entertainment editors. Firstly, there are regular dealings with those unfortunate bullies known as record company reps, who act real hurt and disappointed when you don’t want to interview Kim Stockwood or DOA. The joke was ultimately on them, though, when we got an advance copy of the Beatles anthology, with the Human League’s greatest hits on the CD, instead of the Fab Four. The following day, a frantic repboy stormed into the office, demanding the CD, and babbling incoherently: “they have dogs guarding the pressing plant... they have dogs!”

Be weary, as well, of the friendly folk involved in McGill theatre.

Busy all the time breaking the fourth wall, or whatever it is they do, these kids don’t take well to criticism. How many theatre students does it take to change a light— aw, forget it.

Folksingers don’t seem to have much of a sense of humour, either— hey guys, Dylan went electric in 1965 — what are you doing with your lives?!! A humorous piece about a certain dead rock icon in the first issue resulted in continued death threats from hippies throughout the year.

Most Entertainment editors apply for the job because of a relatively simple thought process (hmm, free CD ’s). Who knew that it would involve sitting in on endless meetings about the grander vision of the Tribune, while debating our chances of averting a lawsuit or what is meant by the term ‘journalistic integrity’? At least one editor spent the majority of the process thinking about Ernest movies (as in: “I wish I had gone to see Ernest Goes to Camp, or “wouldn’t it be weird if all those Ernest movies had actually been directed by Krystoff Kieslowski?”) The best approach we learned to get the ed board to leave us alone was con­ vincing them that we were incompetent, with the added bonus of reducing our workload by half.

All is not wine and roses in B01 A. Scheduled interviews fall through, particularly painful examples being Napalm Death and Luna, whose leader. Dean Wareham, ended the interview after one question (my pen ran out of ink).

Perhaps the most defeating realisation is that you can’t sell all of the free CDs you get — some wily record reps scratch off the call number or, worse, give you music even your first time writers don't want ( 3 copies of Jesus-freak rap group DC Talk’s new record).

Also, you end up still having to pay for your nights out. Those free press screenings? They’re all at nine in the morning.

So, good luck Anya and Marc. Just remember that no matter what grief the job may give you, none of your fellow editors will ever find themselves having an interview subject tell you about Roger Ebert's pro­ clivities for big-chested women and, if a PR person scares you, you can always hide in Trib West and a more responsible editor will cover your shit.

A fond farewell from your humble outgoing editors,

FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL VOYAGES CAMPUS AT 39S-0647

“T C u n t tc ' T £ < zc& et.

P.S. SSMU candidates— we don’t know who you are! We don’t care! We don’t have any power! Yer wasting yer time!

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...sexy Montreal restos I t Continued from Page 21 disiac effects to boot!

If you are successful in w in­ n in g th e fa v o u r o f y o u r sp rin g catch, you may be interested in a few breakfast ideas.

D u sty ’s (4510 Parc), the ideal cheap greasy-spoon, is the perfect fo llo w up to a h igh c h o le ste ro l evening... you can die in each oth­ ers arms.

If your urge is for pancakes, an d it h a p p e n s to b e S u n d ay , E n c o r e u n e F o is (351 P rin c e Albert, W estm ount) will treat you well. Aside from making some of the yum m iest fruit pancakes, they always serve you real maple syrup (unlike some places on the com er of S t.U rbain and M ount R oyal, that charge for the real stuff).

L ’A v e n u e (M o u n t R o y a l) m ak es a s o rt o f c re p e /p a n c a k e hybrid that will more than fill the breakfast void any other day of the week. You can have them covered

in granola and bananas, a chocolate chips mountain, strawberries, other berries or, the happy standby, maple syrup. L ’Avenue also has a variety of omelettes to satisfy a salty break­ fast craving. If you decide to go to this Shed-without-the-attitude-place for something other than breakfast, keep in mind that the fries are allyou-can-eat.

E g g s p e c ta tio n s (1 3 1 3 de M aisoneuveW .) W ith a communal and loud dining area (the cooks are know n to break into a pan-slam ming clatter session at the b egin­ ning of designated songs), and huu-u-u-ge portions, this restau ran t has a celebratory sort of feel. The serving sizes are all about excess, and ce rta in ly e lic it a h ed o n istic edge (if you couldn’t guess by the name, their speciality is in the egg department).

So w ith these few tasty, and tasteless hints, you can hopefully enjoy a few meals with your mate.

April 2nd, 1996

I

Entertainment

n te r a c tiv e n t e r v i e w with Kids in the Hall _

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8. W h a t’s the d ee p er m e a in in g b e h in d the plot of Brain Candy ?

9. H ow did you guys get together in the first place?

10. Why did you make the movie?

T h e A n sw ers a. I was hoping I could just spew. b. T he story is no m i­ nally about depressed people in a lab toiling aw a y at c r e a tin g an K ids in the H all reaching o u t to touch y o u a n ti-d e p re s s a n t.

M eanwhile, the com pa­ T h e Q u e s tio n s ny s p o n s o rin g th e s c ie n tis ts is g o in g b ro k e and n eed s to g et a 1. Can I ask you some questions? product out on the market. So they 2. Why do you dress as women?

4. W ere there any tensions w hile filming Brain Candy?

4(a). Could you elaborate?

5. Are all your characters just alteregos to your real personality?

6. Do you guys have groupies?

6 (a ). A re any o f y o u r g ro u p ie s waiting outside the door with flow­ ers right now?

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kinda brutal. I mean, ju st the whole process o f figuring out a story.

c. Well, I guess you could say the p lo t’s d e e p e r m e an in g is ju s t a c o m m e n ta ry on ho w film s are m a d e, y o u k now w h a t I m e an ?

T h ere’s all this pressu re to get a product out NOW .

f. Kids in the Hall formed as a result of a collision between two comedy groups. We were the rebel comics from the two groups., you know, edgier, weirder.

d. You mean why did we make the movie besides for the fame, money and lackies? W ell, w orking with film gives us a d ifferen t canvas.

The nice thing about sketch com e­ dy is you get this lovely basket of ideas every week. W ith film, it is something different. e. yes. e ( l) . W ell, film in g a m ovie is a tense process. I mean there are long shoots., w ait, w hat am I saying?

The filming process was nice, I got a whole, 1/2 a trailer, and my own TV ... It was the w riting that was

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release this m edecine that h asn ’t been tested enough.

g. We started dressing as women b e c a u s e w e w a n te d to do s k its about sexual politics or family rela­ tio n s, o r fig h ts w e w ere h av in g with our girlfriends. I mean, it just kind of worked out that there aren’t an y w o m en . T h e lin e up h as changed a bit. At certain points, there have actually been women.

B esides all that though, I like to feel the breeze betw een my legs.

You know, its ju st more com fort­ able and helps me get in touch with my feminine side. h. Yeah, I see my characters as my

alter-eg o s. I h av e a lo t o f alteregos. I t’s kind o f scary, to think that I’m half chicken-lady. i. T here is definitely a difference betw een C anadian and A m erican comedy. There is something a little extra in Canada. The film industry is this great, voracious beast look­ ing fo r som ething to plunder. In Canada, the money factor is largely removed. j . I guess we do have groupies. Oh, com e on. C om edians get em b ar­ rassed by their own appeal in that way. j( l ) . No, there are no women out­ sid e my ap artm en t w ith flo w ers right now.

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Telephone: 738-9240 • 5757 ave., Decelles, suite 400 ______________ Montréal, Québec

to the McGill graduating class of 1996.

M ay you have much success in your chosen field o f endeavour.

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7. D oes B rain C andy have a plot?

3. Do you see a difference between Canadian and American humour?

d ea d ,

b y a 'R é v e i l l o n ' p a r t y a ll

would like to take this opportunity to thank all McGill students for their support.

IMMIGRATION TO CANADA FAMILY SPONSORSHIP INVESTORS PROGRAM SKILLED WORKERS PROGRAM ENTREPRENEURS PROGRAM If you or your friends/relatives are studying at the university level and would like to obtain permanent residence status (Canadian Visa) In order to be able to stay in Canada, or would like to lift conditions from an existing visa, we can assist you or them in doing so!

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REQ UIRED READING FO R BEACH B LA N K E T FUN The Size o f Thoughts: Essays a n d O ther L um ber

By Nicholson Baker (R an d o m H ouse, hard co v er.

355 pps.) $ 35.00 T h a t’s B laxploitationl: Roots o f the Baadasssss ‘Tude (Rated X by an A ll-W hyte Jury)

By Darius James (St. M artin’s Griffin, softcover. 200 pps.) $21.75 Last year, almost exactly to the day, I reviewed American novelist Nicholson Baker’s The Fermata in these pages. So it was with a mix­ ture of déjà vu and anticipation that I received B aker’s new collection o f essay s and prose, The Size o f Thoughts.

A fter I fin ish ed reading it, I gave it to a fellow Baker fan, who was more impressed by the author’s august, professorial visage on the dust-jacket photograph than by the book’s contents. Part progress and p art b e tra y a l, B a k e r’s tra n sitio n from young archivist of the minuti­ ae of modem life to mature man of le tte rs is n o w h ere m ore e v id en t than in this new collection.

B a k e r ’s a rc h iv a l im p u ls e s seem to derive from an almost des­ perate attempt to record the impuls­ es and tactile sensations that consti­ tute modern life— a navel-gazing exercise (though as a friend recent­ ly commented, he rarely makes it as far as his navel), to be sure, but one of increasingly inarguable value. In The S ize o f T h o u g h ts, w h ich is com prised primarily of articles pre­ v io u s ly p u b lis h e d in T h e N ew Y o rk er and T he A tla n tic , B ak er ta c k le s to p ic s as d iv e rse as th e dem ise of library card catalogues, the evolution film projectors and, in a very long, som ew hat ponderous essay, the history of the word “lum­ ber” in English literature.

W h ile I a p p re c ia te B a k e r ’s thoroughness and severity, at times, he seems drunk on his own fluency and facility with language. T hat’s w hy I p re fe r h is sh o rter, lig h te r pieces to the more pedantic opuses.

B a k er’s g ift lies in his ability to sa n c tify e v e ry d a y life , to m ake meanings out o f rituals that are usu­

ally ignored. His description of the p le a s u r e s o f w ritin g on ru b b e r sneaker soles with bail-point pens, for instance, is infinitely more valu­ a b le an d e n jo y a b le than h is.in v e stig a tio n of the history of punc­ tuation A perfect example of B aker’s gift is found in a m oving su ccin ct wedding toast, wherein he riffs brilliantly, with copious dignity, about the linguistic value of “husband” and “wife” : “ ‘W if e ’ e s p e c ia lly seems druidic and tra­ ditional: like ‘life’ but with the addition of the w om anly “W ” . ‘H u s­ band,’ despite its traces of saxon farming meth­ o d s, m akes m e th in k m o st o f ‘h a tb a n d ’ — and this seems right, if you imagine a conven­ tional m ovie im age of a m an in a 1955 hat, w ith a nice gray h at­ band.”

B a k e r in te r p re ts the w riting school exhortation to “ w rite w h at you k n o w ” in sam e way that the Zen monk approaches a koan, plum bing the m icroscopic d e p th s o f id e n tity c r y p tic a lly embedded in the rituals of everyday life. Therein lies his genius, but one that ultimately lends itself better to intimate fiction than it does to jour­ nalistic or scholarly prose.

To borrow a phrase from Nick B aker’s review o f a dictionary of colloquialism s that is included in T he S iz e o f T h o u g h ts , D a riu s Jam es’ book T hat’s Blaxploitation: is a veritable slangsfarbenmelodie.

I very much enjoyed Jam es’ previ­ ous book Negrophobia, a novel that ta k es th e form o f an u n film a b le m ovie script about a “w hyte girl haunted by black m en,” in Jam es’ words. T he im m ediate reaction to Jam es’ latest book is to dism iss it as a lazy, in c o h eren t m ess; selfindulgent, it is also self-cannbalizin g , ev en re p rin tin g se c tio n s o f N e g r o p h o b ia . T o d is m is s it so quickly, however, would be a dis­

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credit to the b o o k ’s actual value, which is a sort of memoir through cultural consumption, a ghetto par­ allel to Baker’s similar non-fiction

project, U and I. In that book, B aker used his u n s c h o la rly w o rs h ip o f Jo h n Updike (he wrote the book having only read about a half dozen of the w o rk s in U p d ik e ’s co n sid erab ly G e ttin g C a n a d a O n lin e : u n d e r s ta n d in g th e in fo r m a tio n highway

By D avid Johnston, D eborah Johnston, and Sunny Handa (Stoddart, softcover, 278pp’s) $17.95 In the b eg inning there was lig h t... elec tricity , really . Then there was sound... w ell actually, the radio. After that came moving p ic tu re s . T h en th e b o o b tu b e .

Finally, from the computer, came data.

All in all, this is a very twist­ ed sort o f creation story — it is the story o f th e cre atio n o f the information highway.

G e ttin g C a n a d a O n lin e : U nderstanding the In fo rm a tio n H ighw ay is w ritten by a trio of M cG ill com m unity m em bers at th e F a c u lty o f L aw — ex P rin c ip a l D av id Jo h n s to n , his daughter Deborah Johnston, and Sunny H anda. They w rite about this grand story — a story about how the information revolution is changing our lives.

Their book attempts to docu­ ment, in general terms, the nature of the I-way, where it is headed, how it effects Canadians, and how we should affect it.

The book is divided into four m ain sectio n s, each d ed icated to c la rify in g c e rta in asp ec ts o f the in fo rm a tio n r e v o lu tio n : th e Highway (what is it?), the Methods (techno-babble), the Players and the Controls (how we regulate it) and the Issues (its societal impact).

This is all very interesting stuff if you are a lawyer.

The I-way is about vision. It is

larger corpus) as a means to autobi­ book’s introduction the lack o f any b o o k s on th e to p ic . F ille d w ith ographical m editation and musing photo stills, interviews with figures on the practice o f writing. as far aflung as Umar Bin Hassan, In T h a t’s B la x p lo ita tio n , James uses the pimp-pusher- Antonio Fargas and Ralph Bakshi, h u s tle r g e n re film s o f a com pendium o f capsule reviews, and cartoons (featured prominently th e l 9 7 0 ’s to e x c a v a te the is M o n tre a l co m ic le g e n d R ic k artifa cts o f an ad o lescen ce buried in a haze of cannabis T re m b le s) it w o u ld b e a u se fu l and under a mountain o f pop com panion to a home film festival, but not a ‘works cited’ page. culture detritus.

My only serio u s criticsim is W h ile Jam es seem s to that, as N egrophobia evidenced, like playing the ignoram us, fo r ev ery one o f th e q u e s­ J a m e s is a b r illia n t, h ila r io u s satirist. The dearth of original, cre­ tionable moves in the writing ative writing from Jam es’ own pen and com piling of the book, there is a ready-made, cultur­ is a major caveat; the few moments al studies-approved response. where it surfaces point to what this book might have been: James delegating large parts “You know w hat’s wrong with of the film -crit responsibili­ tie s to th o se m ore co m p e­ you so-called tw entynothing, gen­ tent? The utter lack o f d is­ era tio n X k id z to d a y ? Y ou g o d ­ tinction betw een the serious dam ned ball-capped, plaid-flanneland the frivolous? The cele­ s h ir t- w e a rin g , D o u g C o u p la n d bration of politically dubious r e a d in ’, K u rt C o b a in m o u rn in ’, ur-figures like the Pimp and M TV brain-controlled fools don’t know how to get high! “ the ‘foxy’ tem ptress? “Uhh, W h ile th e g e n te e l w o rld o f d ea th o f th e a u th o r, m an ” N ic h o lso n B a k e r’s u p sta te N ew o n e ca n im a g in e Ja m e s Y ork m ay as w ell b e a d iffe ren t m u m b lin g in re s p o n s e . planet than D arius Jam es’ d ow n­ “P a stic h e , uh, b ric o la g e ... town New York, these two flawed c o rp o ra te art, y ’k n o w , uh, challenging the booshwa individual but not failed to m es p o in t to the artist— uh... damn, could you pass fruitful future of literary self-indul­ gence. Both com e cautiously rec­ the bong?”

T h a t’s B laxploitation'.’s pur­ ommended. p o se is o n to lo g ic a l ra th e r th a n — Kurt Newman p o litic a l— Ja m e s n o te s in th e about harnessing inspiring technol­ ogy to acheive and produce, about being awe-struck by new and excit­ ing innovations, about boldly com­ municating with novel and expres­ sive media.

G e ttin g C a n a d a O n lin e , by contrast, is about rules. It is about

G e ttin g

C anada

O n lin e

figuring out how to revamp stuffy old copyright acts, about why we n e e d to re g u la te th e I n te r n e t’s growth, about how we need to edu­ cate students on the use of technol­ ogyAgain, this may be very rele­ vant and p e r tin e n t s tu ff.

Discussions of this type will indeed be necessary for the I-way to thrive.

Y et so m e h o w , th is m a te ria l is digestable only in small doses. - Let the bureaucrats argue about

laws, acts, and am endm ents until kingdom com e, and let the public * becom e absorbed in the delirium .

However, those who do so will be missing the I-way’s dazzling explo­ sion into the dynamic entity that it has been and will be. Today’s tech­ nology is too exciting for any read­ e r to sp e n d tim e le a rn in g th e ■ tedious abstractions of the law.

Even for readers hungery for boundless material on the relation between law and technology, this b o o k w ill n o t s a tia te th e ir appetite. As a text written in gen­ e r a litie s , few p r e d ic tio n s are offered, and rarely does it present sp ecific so lu tio n s to legal co n ­ flicts. Discussions are written in a decidedly abstract manner. Worse still, the book wallows in political correctness.

C o n seq u en tly G ettin g C a­ nada Online reads like a manual.

F or sty listic effect, the authors pose q u estio n s th e m se lv es and then answer them in earnest. This in itself makes for a slightly irri­ ta tin g re a d . M o re o v e r, th e answers are dry and lack inspira­ tion — very much like a govern­ m ent docum ent. T his style was clearly intentional, but who needs to pay $17.95 for a fed eral te x t­ book?

This w orld w ill alw ays need people who are willing to tackle the legal implementation of technology, but that’s not what the core of the Iway is all about. G etting Canada O n lin e m u st b e lo n g to a n ic h e somewhere, but it does not belong to the visionary realm of computer and technology literature.

— Sam J. Horodezky

A conversation with a legend - the Gazette sports god Red Fisher B y Ja r r a d L ifshitz

Sitting dow n in the office o f the sports ed ito r o f the M ontreal Gazette, staring at the sports memo­ rabilia and especially at the huge gold M ontreal C anadiens Stanley Cup ring can be a bit intimidating.

In te rv ie w in g the le g en d a ry R ed Fisher can be very intimidating.

An NHL Hall of Fame inductee (media section) in 1985 and author o f Hockey, H eroes and Me, Fisher has been in the business for almost 50 years.

In the beginning he worked for nothing with small suburban news­ papers such as the N D G M onitor and the Montreal Standard. Later he found a job with with the big city M ontreal Star in 1955. Since 1979 he h as b een w o rk in g w ith the Gazette.

His beat is one of the toughest jo b s in s p o rts: c o v e rin g th e Montreal Canadiens, the most sto­ ried team in hockey.

Trib: What was, in your opin­ ion, the first big story you covered for a major newspaper?

Red Fisher: T h e firs t gam e th a t I c o v e re d o f th e M o n tre a l C anadiens was the R ichard Riots.

The paper asked me to write a mood piece, a colour piece. Just sit in the stands and write how the fans were r e a c tin g to th is su sp e n sio n o f Rocket Richard.

Trib: Did the city or the organ­ isation have any idea that something was going to happen?

Fisher: The w hole city knew som ething was going to happen. I don’t think anybody anticipated that it w as going to end w ith 10,000

people rioting down Ste. Catherin S treet and the gam e being called a fte r th e firs t p e rio d . T e a r gas bombs being tossed at the end of the first period. Most people expected some problems but not as major as they turned out to be. These things fall, but it w asn’t a fall, it was an avalanche.

Trib: Being a Montrealer, were you mad at the fans for doing what they did?

Fisher: H ell no, I thought it was a great story. I mean, you don’t like to be somewhere where tear gas is b e in g th ro w n an d p e o p le are retching, tears streaming down their eyes... you never really forget it.

But the good thing is that no one really got badly hurt, but they could have.

Trib: W as it a bad id e a for Clarence Campbell to have been at

that game?

Fisher: Y o u ’d have to know C la re n c e to u n d e rsta n d th a t th e m ere id ea o f ask in g him to stay away from that game was repugnant to him. If you asked him as Mayor D rapeau in fact did ask him, then you’d know for sure he’d attend. As P resident o f the N ational H ockey League, he never let anyone dictate to him . T h ere w ere g o in g to be problems even if he hadn’t attended, but o f course his presence enflamed a few people and one thing led to another and Boom!

Trib: T e ll u s a b o u t th e “Rocket” considering m ost people re a d in g th is now n e v e r had th e opportunity to see him play?

Fisher: I actually covered him in his last five years. By then [195560] his best years were behind him, you saw flashes o f it, but you cer­

ta in ly w o u ld n ’t see th e R o ck et.

There was nobody who was more intense, there was nobody who was m ore o f a hero in M ontreal. First guy to score 50 goals in fifty games.

He was French, which made it all the better. He was part o f the Flying Frenchmen of those days. From the blue line in there was nobody better, in term s o f intensity, scoring big g o als. H e w as c e rta in ly an icon then and remains one now and was one of the greatest all-time in hock­ ey history.

Trib: Was he a dirty player?

Fisher: No he w asn ’t a dirty player. He was a player who reacted to situations. If he was struck by a stick h e ’d re a c t by p ic k in g up a stick and hitting the guy right back.

He was an extremely intense, huge-

Continued on Page 29 ||

Sports banquet signals the end of 1995-96 season at McGill B y T a r a V a n Z u id en

the honour o f m ale athlete o f the year, Grépin walked home with the swimming MVP award for the third consecutive year.

Grépin’s past season was defi-

M artlet coach Lisen Moore, it’s all about having the right mind set.

“W e have an incredibly long tradition of success and as a team, w e’ve set our sights to be winners.

M cG ill’s strongest and fastest came out to shine on Friday, March 29 as this year’s accomplishments in in te rco lle g ia te ath letics were honoured at the 19th A n n u al M cG ill I n te r c o lle g ia te S p o rts Gala.

Members of all varsi­ ty teams mingled amidst a fe s tiv e a tm o sp h e re at R e d p ath H all to w atch their team m ates and fel­ low a th le te s re c e iv e awards for their excellent performances both on and off the playing field.

S w im m er L éo G ré p in and b a s k e tb a ll player Vicky Tessier took home the night’s top hon­ o u rs, w in n in g th e D. Stuart Forbes Trophy and the G ladys Bean Trophy respectively as top male and female athletes of the year.

The w o m e n ’s rugby team, m in u s th e m u d a n d th e sweat.

T essier, a four-tim e All C anadian, from Chateauguay, nitely one of excellence, setting two When you develop a team with this Quebec, was also aw arded basket­ team records and winning two golds type o f attitude, you tend to attract ball MVP and represented Quebec at and a silv er at th is y e a r’s C IA U strong-w illed individuals who are the Howard-Mackie Awards Gala in national swim championship. ready to live up to the test.”

Calgary honouring the C lA U ’s top “I feel that th is aw ard su m ­ As to what the Martlets have in m ale and fem ale athletes. A four­ marises my whole swimming career; store for next year, Moore is confi­ time Quebec University Basketball it is definitely quite an accomplish­ dent in her teams abilities.

League MVP, Tessier led the con­ ment and an honour. It’s been a long “W e w an t to w in it all. We fe re n c e in b o th sc o rin g and four years, very enriching from an came so close this year, and now we rebounds. After the success of this athletic and a social point of view,” know we can win a national champi­ y ear, T e ssie r h o p es to ca rry the said Grépin. onship.”

M a rtle t b a s k e tb a ll te am to a Grépin plans to continue swim­ T he achievem ents o f M artlet National Championship next season. ming as he moves onto M IT for a basketball certainly didn’t go unno­ “I’ll just keep playing my game m aster’s program. Grépin beat out ticed. The MacTeskey Award is pre­ and giving the team everything I can A ll-C anadian football M V P W es se n te d to a stu d e n t a th le te w ho g iv e th e m .” sa id T e s s ie r o f the Barbour, and hockey player Pierre dem onstrates courage, m orale and upcoming season.

G endron, an A ll-C anadian centre inspiration to those around them.

Tessier edged out All-Canadian from Montreal North.

This year’s recipent was basketball soccer p layer Ju lia M aughan and The Martlet Foundation Trophy veteran Debby Morse of Ottawa.

C a ro l C h ia n g , an A ll-C a n a d ia n w as p re se n te d th is y e a r to th e M orse, who suffered a career swimmer. Both these athletes went M artlet B asketball squad for their threatening anterior cruciate tear in hom e w ith M V P aw ards fo r their extraordinary achievements over the her knee last November, overcame respective sports. past season. W ith an u n d efeated her injury and returned to the line-up Léo Grépin, the recipient of the record in the regular season and a tw o m onths later. M orse w ent on D. Stuart Forbes Trophy, is a 20 - best-ever third place finish at the w ith th e M a r tle t’s to th e C IA U year old engineering student from CIAU nationals, the Martlets were championship, earning game MVP Chamalières, France. In addition to h o tte r th an e v e r. A cc o rd in g to in her final collegiate game against

Western. as a swimmer, coach and team presi­ The Richard Pound Award hon­ dent. W hiting edged out two other ours a male student in his final year finalists, rugby player Kim Ivanko for his proficiency and leadership in and hockey and field hockey star athletics at M cGill. This year, the Danielle Sarbit. aw ard w en t to T o d d T he U ldis A uders M em orial M a rc e llu s, R ed m en Award went to All-Canadian swim­ hockey team captain. m er C raig H u tc h iso n o f P o in te “T h e boy from Claire, Que. This award is presented Chesterville, Ont” was every year to the sophomore student n am ed M V P fo r the who dem onstrates both academ ic seco n d c o n s e c u tiv e and athletic excellence. Hutchison, a year, leading his team 2 0 -y e a r-o ld g e o lo g y stu d e n t, w ith 30 goals and 60 achieved a 3.59 grade point average p o in ts in 34 g am es. w h ile e s ta b lis h in g fo u r M cG ill M a rc e llu s g ra d u a te s records and racking up 25 consecu­ this spring as the sixth­ tive wins in the 100m freestyle. leading Redmen scorer W ith his im p re ssiv e se aso n in h is to ry , w ith 207 with McGill, Hutchison is now off p o in ts in 145 gam es. to the Maritime Life Olympic trials Marcellus beat out soc­ w here he will be com peting for a cer captain and M VP spot on the Canadian Olympic team.

A dam M ar and sw im ­ Hutchison beat out fullback Shawn mer Léo Grépin.

Linden and linebacker Jean-Phillipe O n th e fem a le D a rc h e o f th e R ed m en fo o tb a ll sid e , th is y e a r ’s D r. team.

M u riel V. R o sco e T h e firs t e v e r “ C lu b o f th e Award went to synchro Year” trophy was presented to the sw im m e r K aren Martlet Rugby squad. The Martlets W h itin g o f O tta w a . finished first in the regular season Whiting, a 22-year-old political sci­ w ith a flaw less 8-0 season record ence stu d en t, has been an activ e th e n w en t on to w in th e Q U R L member o f M cG ill’s synchro team championships.

Other awards presented: M olson C up “M ost O u tstan d in g P lay er” A w ards, R edm en F o o tb a ll-D a n P ro n y k , W es B a rb o u r. R ed m en S o c c e r-K e v in McConnell. M artlet Soccer-Julia Maughan. Redmen Hockey-Pierre Gendron. Redmen Basketball-Ryan “A rchie” Schoenhals (named MVP). Martlet Basketball-Vicki Tessier.

Team MVP's awarded for 1995-96: B adm inton-Stephanie L em ieux, D ougall M olson. B aseballM ark D eB oer. C heerleading-Jasm ine A lbrecht. C ross-C ountryT am b ra D unn, A lex H utchinson. F en cin g -M ita S en-R oy, Josh Spicer. Field Hockey-Christy Love. Hockey-Lucie Fortin. RowingM ich elle P am p in ,A n d rew T ees. R u g b y -G illian F lo ren ce, John M cD ougall. A lp in e S k iin g -S u zan n e O w en, N ico las R obichon.

Squash-Sara L eckie, R ichard Straka. Synchro Sw im -Julie Paris.

Track and Field-Tam bra Dunn, Max O ates. U ltim ate-M ary-B eth B u rto n , S eb astie n M illette. V o lle y b a ll-W e n d y W h elan , Jo h n Harrison.

September Week One • M c G ill a p p o in ts T e rry B a n g en 2 8 th h ea d co a ch o f th e hockey team.

Week Two • M cGill football opens its sea­ so n w ith a 2 1 -1 4 c o m e -fro m behind victory over the B ishop’s G a ite r s in L e n n o x v ille . W es

Barbour’s electrifying 92-yard punt return with just under two minutes rem aining provided the necessary margin for the win.

•M en’s soccer drop both games at the Old Four Tournament.

•W o m e n ’s so c c e r w in s o n e, lo s e s o n e at th e O ld F o u r Tournament. Lose first game o f the season in a penalty shootout, but rebound to defeat Q ueen’s 3-1.

• F o rm e r S tin g e r M ark M o n treu il m akes the San D iego Chargers 45-m an roster.

Week Three •McGill football loses its h o m e o p e n e r to th e O ttaw a G ee-G ees 26-10.

G e e -G e e p iv o t S te v e C la rk e th ro w s fo r 349 yards and a touchdown in the rout.

•M artlet soccer edged

by S h erb ro o k e 1-0, but b u r ie s C o n c o rd ia 11-0 M aughan notches a natur­ al hat-trick.

• M c G ill b a s e b a ll e v e n s its re c o rd at 2-2 with a 4-3 win over Concordia on th e s tre n g th o f M a rk D e B o e r’s third home run o f the year.

•R edm en so ccer dow ns Sherbrooke 2-0, and tie Concordia 0-0 at Loyola field.

•Earl da Pearl Zukerman earns Sports Inform ation O fficer o f the Year honours.

•M artlet and R edm en R ugby defeat Gaiters.

Week Four •Martlet soccer wins two. A 62 win over Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières, and 18-0 pasting of U niversité du Québec à Montréal.

M aughan and Cifarelli score four each.

•R edm en foo tb all dism an tles Stingers at the 27th Shaughnessy Cup game, thanks the offence pro­ vided by Shawn Linden.

• M a r tle t ru g b y sn a p s

C o n c o r d ia ’s tw o - y e a r w in n in g streak.

to the Quebec all-star team

tourney.

Week Two

Week Five

October Week One •C ro ss-co u n try team fin ish es third at the M cGill open.

•R edm en football uses a lastsecond field goal to tie C arleton 21-21.

•Redmen soccer tie Gaiters, fall to second place despite unbeaten record.

•Earl Zukerman is n am ed Q S S F sports inform ation officer of the week.

•Redbirds win a best of three series tw o g am es to one against Q ueen’s.

•W om en’s soc­ cer p u m m e ls G a ite r s 7 -0 .

M cL eod s c o re s three.

Week Two •Gaiters batter McGill football 17-1.

•Field hockey w ins a pair, 3-0 o v e r C a rle to n , a n d 3 -2 o v e r Q ueen’s.

•M a rin e rs w in the d iv is io n !

M ariners win the division!

•M c G ill X -C o u n try te a m sweeps Sherbrooke Invitational

•Redbirds fail to repeat as n a tio n a l c h a m p s, as L a v a l ousts M cGill 11-1 in the semis.

•R edm en so ccer h ead s to n a tio n a ls fo r th e f ir s t tim e since 1991. Redmen finish reg­ ular season with a 3-1-6 mark.

•McGill football falls short of playoffs, as the Gaels defeat th e R e d m e n fo r th e s e c o n d time, 20-12.

• M a r tle t s o c c e r sw e e p Laval in Q uebec sem is to set up p ro v in c ia l c h a m p io n sh ip game against Sherbrooke.

•M artlet field hockey finishes fifth at nationals •R ed m en h o ck ey sh u to u t by UQTR 6-0.

November Week One •R edm en soccer lose in o ver­ time to UQTR in provincial cham ­ pionship game. Jasper L am ’s goal in the 65th minute sent the game to OT, but a UQTR free kick found its way to the back o f the net.

• M a rtle t b a s k e tb a ll w in s Redbird Classic •M artlet soccer win the provin­ cial ch am p io n sh ip , th eir seventh consecutive, over Sherbrooke 2-1.

• R e d m e n h o c k e y s tu n s #1 ranked Ottawa

Week Three Week Two •G aels beat R edm en fo o tb all

20-7 in the annual ‘K ill-M c G ill’ contest.

•R ed b ird s w in C IB A E astern Division Championship.

•M artlet soccer downs U Q \M Cifarelli pots two.

Week Four •M en’s hockey upsets heavily favoured UQTR 6-3, and continue w ith second consecutive win over G u e lp h in O T . U o f T b rin g s M cG ill back to earth w ith a 5-1 shellacking.

• M c G ill f o o tb a ll d e fe a ts Concordia in the Shrine Bowl, 158, at Loyola field •W o m e n ’s so c c e r c o n c lu d e s regular season by edging Laval 2-1 on the strength of M aughan’s sixth game winning goal of the season.

•M artle t v o lle y b all tak es the b ronze in the M cG ill V o lley b all

• M a r tle t soccer n a tio n a l tit le h o p e s d ashed by Q u een ’s 1-0 in the sem is, and finish fourth overall •M en’s soccer comes home em ptyhanded from the nationals •M cG ill X -C o u n try place 7th(W om en’s) and 8th(M en’sj at the CIAU championships •R edm en rugby win Covo Cup by defeating Harvard 30-7 •M en ’s h eavy-8 row ing team captures gold at the Trent race.

Week Three •M artlet hockey w in­ le ss s tre a k e x te n d e d to seven games.

• M a r tle t b a s k e tb a ll finish preseason with 8-3 record.

•R e d m e n b a s k e tb a ll end preseason with a 5-8 mark.

Week Four •U QTR edges Redmen hockey in OT 54.

•W endy W helan set!

M cG ill record with a 3.( p a s s in g e f f ic ie n c y in i v o lle y b a ll a g a in s

Concordia.

•W om en’s basketball open sea­ son with a pair o f wins over Laval and Bishop’s.

•M en’s basketball split the first two games.

January Week One •M a rtle ts Volleyball ranked #9 in the country and w ith victo ry over th e U n iv e r s ité de M ontreal capture th e C o n c o rd ia volleyball tourna­ ment •T h e M c G ill R ed m en b a s k e t­ ball team beat the Cone o rida S tin g e r s 7 9 -7 0 for only the third time in 34 meetings.

•Redm en coach Terry B angen helps coach the C anadian Juniors to their fourth straight world title.

•Track and Field season starts w ith early b ird m eets at M cG ill and D artm outh. Pumulo Sikaneta, M a u ric e E n n is, R av in d G rew al, M arie H ildebrand, T am bra D unn and: A ndrea T aylor Iead the way for the Red ‘n White.

• R o o k ie M a r tle t K a th le e n O ’R e illy sc o re s tw o la te -g a m e g o a ls to th e le a d th e M c G ill M artlet hockey team to a 4-2 victo­ ry over the John Abbott Islanders.

•K im Ivanko, D iz Lidon, Gill Florence and Carlene Bachiocci of the M artlet rugby team are named

•Luc Latulippe and Jean-Alain Schneider join the Redmen hockey team , b o lsterin g th e lin e-u p and sparking victories over Ottawa and Concordia • C ra ig H u tc h is o n is n a m e d Q S S F an d C IA U a th le te o f th e week for capturing four individual golds, two team golds and a bronze at th e W a te rlo o /G u e lp h C o -e d Invitational •T h e M c G ill s y n c h ro te a m returns from the O W IA A routine ranking competition with four firstplace and one second-place rank­ ings to pull into first place in the overall team standings.

Week Three •V icky T essier m akes M cG ill b a sk e tb a ll h isto ry w ith the first ev er trip le dou b le reco rd ed by a M artlet basketball player. Tessier’s 25 p o in ts , 11 r e b o u n d s an d 10

assists help the M artlets beat the Stingers 85-75.

•T h e R e d m e n h o c k e y te a m loses the Corey Cup to the pesky Concordia Stingers by a score o f 87.

•M c G ill s w im m e rs sw e e p S h e rb ro o k e m e et as th e w om en win 25 o f 26 races n 23 of 26 races.

•T he M cG ill badm inton team beat both Sherbrooke and U Q TR by a score of 4-1.

•M ita S e n -R o y p a c e s th e M c G ill fe n c in g te a m at th e O W IA A qualifiers finishing 7 o f 22 fencers.

•M artlet volleyball team w ins the Dalhousie tournam ent and Anie de la F o n tain e is nam ed to u rn a ­ ment MVP. •Redm en volleyball team wins i t ’s f irs t gam e o f th e y ea r o v e r Thomas Moore College by a score o f 3-1.

Week Three • M c G ill h o s ts in te r n a tio n a l tra c k and fie ld m eet at th e new fieldhouse. A ndrea Taylor, Rosie Mullins and Alex Hutchinson lead the way.

•The M artlet b ask etb all team extends their winning streak to 12 in a row with victories over Laval and Bishop’s.

•The oldest hockey team in the w orld, the M cG ill R edm en, turn

e a r in r e v i e w 119 years old.

February W eek O ne

while McComb wins a silver and a bronze.

•M artlet volleyball finish sea­ son ranked No. 9 in lo untry with a 30-17 i ccurd overall.

•McGill badm inton team finish­ es third o f five teams at the QSSF

W eek Two •Redmen volleyball team fin is h se a so n w in le s s in league play.

•M cGill synchro team is crowned OUW IAA cham pi­ ons. Julie Paris leads the way w ith th re e g o ld s a n d is named swimmer of the meet •While searching for pic­ tures in the office o f McGill com m unications and pu b li­ cations guru Earl Ztikerman. a T rib u n e sp o rts e d ito r is reported missing, only to be found hours later buried and half suffocated under a pile o f old files.

W eek T h ree •Martlet basketball sweep regu­ lar season and finish with a perfect 12-0 re c o rd b e c o m in g th e first team to do so since 1984.

•R e d m e n b a s ­ ketball team clinch p la y o f f sp o t w ith 82-66 victory over Laval.

•T h e O tta w a G ee-G ee’s surprise th e N o . 9 ra n k e d M c G ill R e d m e n h o c k e y te am w ith an upset 5-3 victory in su d d e n d e a th p la y o ff sem i-final.

R edm en se a so n ends in bitter disap­ pointment.

•L é o G ré p in an d H o lly M cCom b pow er the M cG ill swim team at the CIAU National champi­ o n s h ip s . T h e R e d m e n an d th e M artlets finish in seventh place.

G rép in w ins a go ld and a silv er

W eek F o u r •Julia Maughan and Léo Grépin are voted thé Tribune fem ale and i

W eek Tw o

badminton championships.

M arch W eek O ne •T he M artlet bask etb all team captures the QUBL crow n with a

•M cG ill M a rtle ts fin ish th ird at the C IA U N atio n al b a s k e tb a ll c h a m p io n s h ip .

M c G ill h o p e s o f title are denied by the U o f T. A late ru n by th e V a rs ity B lu es upends the M artlets. T essier is n a m e d to th e A llTournament team.

•T a m b ra D unn an d P u m u lo S ik a n e ta e a rn A llCanadian honours at the track and field CIAUs. Dunn wins a gold in 3000m and a silv e r in 1500m while Sikaneta wins a silver in the 600m . T he R edm en fin ish ninth an d th e M a rtle ts fin is h e ig h th .

M c G ill’s A ll-C a n a d ia n to ta l at record 15.

•The historic Montreal Forum closes down amid a week o f festiv ities and last good-byes.

•T he H ab s w in th e ir last gam e in the F orum with a 4-1 victory over the Dallas Stars, and win then opening game in the new

W eek T h re e

69-53 victory over the U niversité de L a v a l. T h e ir r e g u la r se a so n comes to an end with 17 consecu­ tive victories.

•M cG ill track and field team w ins second consecutive Q uebec championship.

•Am id much anticipa­ tion the Tribune releases its a th le te o f th e y e a r nominees.

•M c C o rd M u seu m o p e n s its n ew e x h ib it e n title d , Montreal, T h a t’s Hockey •Earl Zukerman cannot get over the incredible talent o f the Tribune sports editors, calls to send his con­ gratulations.

The Sports Editors would like to thank Jennifer Pevec($enators, eh?

Vancouver all the way!) and Earl Zukerman for all their help this year.

vote is needed.

•Earl Z ukerm an is once again d u m b fo u n d e d at th e in c re d ib le genius o f the Tribune sports sec­ tion, he orders an extra fifty copies for his well kept files.

•Good new for basketball fans as Q U B L announces its m erger with the OUAA.

A p r il (Fools???)

i

male athletes o f the year.

•M artlet basketball team wins the T ribune team o f the year, no

M cG ill

• M c G i l l R edm en hockey clinch sole p o sse s­ sion o f second place w ith tw o v ic to rie s o v e r Q u e e n ’s and RMC. • M a r tle t sw im team beats the U de M at M cGill sw im meet. Redmen finish a close second.

•M ita Sen-Roy finishes first at OW IAAs and advances to the final in the individual epée. Team epée finishes third and advances as well •In S y ra c u se , N ew Y o rk the M c G ill 4 x 4 0 0 m w o m e n ’s re la y te a m (M a rie H ild e b ra n d , K ate A rc h e r, M eredith M otley and Steph Welsh) break M cGill record.

•Redmen lose 7158 to th e B is h o p ’s Gaiters in the QUBL su d d e n d ea th se m i­ final.

•F o u r M c G ill sw im m e rs (H o lly M cC om b, C a ro l C h ian g , L éo G répin and Craig Hutchison) a re nam ed A llC a n a d ia n b rin g in g M c G ill’s to ta l to a re c o rd b re a k in g 13 All-Canadians •W endy Whelan o f the M artlet v o lle y b all team is nam ed Q SS F rookie-of-the-year and a member of the all-star team] ♦The M artlet b ask etb all team sw eeps the Q U BL aw ards. Liscn M o o re w in s c o a c h o f the y e a r, V ick y T e s s ie r w ins le a g u e M V P a n d A lis o n S h a e f e r wins rookie-of-the-year • E a rl “The P e a r l” Zukerman is banned from Ted T ev a n ’s radio talk show for cutting up the media. “W e’re n ot w orthy! W e’re not w or­ thy!”

•Am id much controversy Earl “The Pearl” Zukerm an announces his resignation from the M cG ill sports inform ation office to pur­ sue his childhood dream o f host­ ing his own talk show. According to reports the show will be called “Listen to me talk about Sports” and will feature the theme song “Banned in the USA” . Ted Tevan and Jack Todd have already been black listed from the shows call in segment.

T

1 ntramural

C hampions 1995-1996 Fall

Winter

Badminton M en ’s Ball H o c k e y M e n ’s

5:

Joe N guyen Sharpshooters W o m en ’s B. Brow n Basketball M en ’s A W ar Pigs M e n ’s B T he C rew W o m en ’s C razy Range Broomball M en ’s Icy Falls C o-R ec O tto M assachists Flag Football M en ’s B urning Squirrels W o m en ’s M anagem ent G als Ice H o ck ey M e n ’s A B urning Squirrels M en ’s B F ly in ’ B eefcakes M en’s C Don Squad W o m en ’s U p AU N ight Soccer M e n ’s M B A G unners W o m en ’s Red Dog Co-R ec T o m ’s D iner Softball M en’s H ouse o f Pain Co-R ec W h o ’s on First Squash O pen L oris Petem elli Tennis M en ’ s A Julian Lange M e n ’s B Sim on Bates W o m en ’s Isabelle B eauregard Ultimate C o-R ec Pelican Bay Volleyball M en ’s M ake Loa W o m en ’s B.Ed. H eads C o-R ec C am p G ood T im e 4 on 4 Co-R ec Waterpolo Innertube W atery Fluids

Fan Club Fe Real Le Big M ac C razy R ange

F.C. C hunky D endrites

Y ou L ose M e W in C hicks w ith Balls E ster’s C revice Friends

DEPARTMENT OF ATHLETICS

1996 S U M M E R R E C R E A T I O N 1996 S P R I N G A N D S U M M E R I N S T R U C T I O N A L P R O G R A M

G e n e r a l In f o r m a t io n

SESSION I

From May 6 - August 25, the Department of Athletics of McGill University offers monthly and seasonal memberships.

Memberships are required for all summer users, though full­ time McGill students may take advantage of reduced rates.

Occasional users can avail themselves of day passes, and children are welcome when accompanied by an adult.

MOST SESSION I CLASSES WILL START THE WEEK OF MAY 6,1996 THE OUTDOOR PURSUITS AQUATICS

Memberships include use of the Sports Complex, Weston Pool, the Forbes Field Tennis Courts, Molson Stadium and the Outdoor Track.

The student rate applies to individuals who attended McGill on a full-time basis through the 1996 winter semester. To encourage family participation, special rates are available for spouses and children of our members.

Memberships can be purchased in Office G3 of the Sports Complex.

Please note that members will have use of the outdoor track and tennis courts through September 1,19 % .

1996

Sp r in g & Su m

M

m er

F

e m b e r s h ip

COURSE

DAY

Cycling

Sunday, May 26 44/47 Pleasant Valley and Mansfield, VT

Equestrian

Wednesday Saturday Sunday Sunday

Hiking 8

Saturday, May 18 42/45 Rooster Comb & Mount Snow, NY

8

Sunday, lune 2 Mount Camel's Hump, VT

42/45

40/60 55

8

In-Line Skating (Excursion)

Sat, June 15 07:00-15:30 Lake Champlain, VT

44/47

11:00-11:45

Tues/Thurs

12:15-12:55

40/80

8

Wednesday

18:00-18:55

35/55

8

In-Line Skating (Clinics)

Sun, May 19 Sun, May 19

12:00-14:00 14:00-16:00

10/15 10/15

Thursday

18:00-18:55

35/55

8

Kayaking

Tues/Thurs Tues/Thurs

17:30-19:00 19:00-20:30

90/110 90/110

Rock Climbing

Sunday, May 5 Val David

DAY

TIME

COST N/NM*

Yellow, orange (children & adults)

Saturday

09:00-09:55

35/55

8

Yellow, Orange, Red, Maroon Tuesday (adults only)

18:00-18:55

35/55

8

Red, Maroon (children & adults)

Saturday

10:00-10:55

35/55

8

Blue, Green, Grey, White (children & adults)

Tuesday

18:00-19:10

40/60

Blue, Green, Grey, White (children & adults)

Saturday

11:00-12:10

Pre-School (ages 18 mo.-5yrs)

Saturday

Aquatics Stroke Improvement Swim Fit

!

DANCE

4 W EEKS

DAY

TIME

COST N/NM*

jazz 1& II

Tues/Thurs

18:30-19:55

75/115

8

Social Dance

Wednesday Wednesday

18:30-19:40 19:45-20:55

50/70 50/70

8 8

ees

A spousal membership is available to anyone whose husband/w ife is a member.

Children (6-15)

$20.00

TIME

COST N/NM

Action Aerobics (Superfit)

Mon/Wed/Fri

17:00-18:25

70/110

8

Low Impact Adv.

Tues/Thurs

17:30-18:40

65/105

8

$120.00

Super Step

Tues/Thurs

17:45-18:55

65/105

8

$135.00 $105.00

Total Body Conditioning

Mon/Wed/Fri Tues/Thurs

12:15-13:10 16:00-17:10

75/115 70/110

8 8

$35.00

$70.00

Children under the age of 14 must join with their parent(s).

General Public McGill Students Seniors and Children

Day Pass

$ 6.00 $ 5.00 $ 3.00 $25.00

Six Visit Pass

4

Full-Time McGill Students General Public

w ee k s

16

$ 8.00 $10.00

P ay- A s -Y o u -G o Aerobics Step

Tues/Thurs Mon/Wed/Fri M/NM $2.50/$6 $1.70t

t Booklets of 10 tickets for $17.00 purchased in advance in Office G-3 (M em bers O n ly )

99/109

COST N/NM*

Tennis Intro

Monday Wednesday Wednesday Thursday Saturday Saturday Sunday Tues/Thurs

18:00-19:55 17:15-18:40 18:45-20:10 17:15-18:40 09:00-10:25 10:30-11:55 09:00-10:55 18:45-20:10

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 67/82 102/132

6

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Saturday Saturday Sunday Tues/Thurs

18:00-19:55 17:15-18:40 18:45-20:10 09:00-10:25 10:30-11:55 09:00-10:55 18:45-20:10

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 67/82 102/132

6 6

Tennis Advanced

Wednesday Tues/Thurs

17:15-18:40 18:45-20:10

52/67 102/132

6

1 WEEKS

WEEKS

TIME

6 6 6

6

6 6

6

6 6

6 6 6

TIME

COST N/NM*

Basic First Aid includes CPR, Heart Saver

Sat, june 1 & Sat, June 8

09:00-16:00

87/92

2

Tennis Junior Star (6 to 14 years old)

Saturday Sunday

12:00-13:10

11:00-12:10

42 42

6 6

Sat, May 25 & Sat, June 1

09:00-16:00

80/87

2

Tennis Clinic

Mon-Fri June 17-21

18:00-19:55

57/69

6

CPR Basic

18:00-19:55

5/7

09:00-16:00

1

Friday

Sat, May 25

38/48

Stroke and Strategy

CPR Re-Cert

Squash

Fencing 1

Tuesday

19:00-20:25

50/70

8

17:30-19:00 18:15-19:45 10:00-11:30

36/51 36/51 36/51

Golf

Monday Monday Tuesday Tuesday Wednesday Wednesday Thursday Thursday Saturday Sunday

123)0-13:25 18:00-19:25 17:30-18:55 19:00-20:25 18:00-19:25 19:30-2035 17:45-19:10 19:15-20:40 09:00-10:25 10:30-11:55

45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60

6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

Monday Tuesday Saturday

p r in c e

Wednesday

17:30-18:55

50/70

8

* M = Member; NM = Non-Member

Hatha Yoga

6

SESSION II MOST SESSION II CLASSES WILL START THE WEEK OF JULY 1,1996 RACQUETS

AQUATICS WEEKS

COURSE

DAY

TIME

COST N/NM*

Yellow, Orange, Red, Maroon

Tuesday

18:00-18:55

35/55

8

Blue, Green, Grey, White

Tuesday

183)0-19:10

40/60

8

COURSE

DAY

TIME

COST N/NM*

Golf

Tuesday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Saturday

17:30-18:55 193)0-20:25 18:00-19:25 17:30-18:55 09:00-10:25

45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60 45/60

COURSE

DAY

TIME

COST N/NM*

Tennis Intro

Monday Wednesday Saturday Saturday Sunday Tues/Thurs Tues/Thurs

183)0-19:55 17:15-18:40 10:30-11:55 12:00-13:25 09:00-10:25 17:15-18:40 18:45-20:10

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 102/132 102/132

Tennis Intro II

Wednesday Friday

18:45-20:10 17:15-18:40

52/67 52/67

Tennis Inter

Monday Wednesday1 Saturday Saturday Sunday Tues/Thurs Tues/Thurs

18:00-19:55 17:15-18:40 10:30-11:55 12:00-13:25 09:00-10:25 17:15-18:40 18:45-20:10

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 67/82 102/132 102/132

Tennis Advanced

Sunday Tues/Thurs

09:00-10:25 18:45-20:10

52/67 102/132

Tennis Clinic

Mon-Fri August 14-16

18:00-19:55

57/69

VARIA 17:30-18:25 17:30-18:25

May 25/26

DAY

Tennis Inter

VARIA

(All prices include GST and QST)

Memberships go on sale April 22,1996.

M embership I nfo rm atio n : 398-7000

70/75

DAY

w eek s

$25.00 $35.00

90/95 90/95 90/95 90/95

COURSE

M o lso n S tadium T rack ONLY C ategory

WEEKS

COURSE

WEEKS

DAY

1

20:00-21:00 14:00-15:00 13:00-14:00 14:00-15:00

COST N/NM*

RACQUETS

COURSE

$ 85.00 $105.00

$50.00 $60.00 $70.00 $80.00 $60.00

TIME

Sat/Sun Val David

FITNESS

8 W E E K S 16 W E E K S

$30.00 $35.00 $40.00 $45.00 $35.00

Full-Time McGill Students McGill Staff Alumni General Public Spouse

WEEKS

COURSE

A ll Facilities C ategory

WEEKS

COURSE

WEEKS 6 6 6 6 6

OUTDOOR PURSUITS TIME

COST N/NM*

WEEKS

COURSE

DAY

Cycling

Saturday, July 27 Loon Lake, NY

44/47

Hiking

Saturday, July 6 Mount Hunger, NY

42/45

1

Tennis Junior Star (6 to 14 years old)

Sunday

10:30-11:40

42

Saturday, August 3 Mount Noonmark, NY

42/45

1

Stroke and Strategy

Friday

18:00-19:55

5/7

1

M EM BERSH IP SA LE S A N D IN ST R U C T IO N A L R E G ISTR A TIO N BEGINS M O NDAY, A P R IL 2 2 , 1996 0 8 :3 0 H R S. C U R R IE G Y M N A SIU M , 475 PIN E AVEN U E W E ST IN FO RM A TIO N : 3 9 8 -7 0 0 0 O R 3 9 8 -7 0 1 1

WEEKS

April 2nd, 1996 S p o rts

Page 29

Interview with Red Fisher... » Continued from Page 25

I ’ve go to think that the Canadian sm all m arket team s a re n ’t doing nearly as well as Montreal, Toronto o r V an co u v er are do in g . On the other hand, there’s a bunch of small market U.S. teams that aren’t doing so great either. I’m sure if we went through the list you could find at least half a dozen U.S. small market

game 1-0 with seconds to go before Henri Richard tied it up. Then they p la y e d 52 m in u te s o f o v e rtim e before Chicago scored the winning goal while the Canadiens had a man in the penalty box. At which point Toe Blake went up and clocked the re fe re e in th e h ead . W h ich w as something he should have been sus­ p e n d e d fo r, b u t C la re n c e C am p b ell g av e him a $ 2 ,0 0 0 fine which was a lot o f money. I b e lie v e h e w as o n ly m a k in g $18,000 a year.

A lot o f people think that th e N ew Y e a r’s E ve gam e in 1975 (B etw een the Red Arm y and th e M o n treal C a n ad ien s) was the best gam e o f all time.

T h e C a n a d ie n s p la y e d w h at could be conceivably called a perfect game. They outshot the R ed A rm y 38 to 13. It w as a gam e that ended in a 3-3 tie.

The only reason it ended in a 3-3 tie w as th e g o alten d in g . K en Dryden was lousy on 2 of the 3 goals and Tretiak was incredibly good on the 35 shots he stopped that night. But if the Canadiens had been playing the Colorado Rockies that night people would have walked out of there think­ ing it was som e kind o f joke.

The Canadiens were that good, but Tretiak was also that good.

Trib: W ho’s the best alltim e g o alie in the N H L, in y o u r opinion?

Fisher: The best goalie I ever saw was Jacques Plante certainly for th e 5 y e a rs th e C a n a d ie n s won Stanley Cups in the ‘50s. Other peo­ ple say Terry Sawchuck. Other peo­ p le say G len H all. K en D ry d en would say Ken Dryden.

Trib: W ho’s the best G M in the league?

Fisher: 1 w ould have to say Glen Sather is the smartest man in hockey. The [Oilers] have won five Stanley Cups since they came into th e le a g u e (7 9 -8 0 ) ... and they could still be w inning Cups if he didn’t have to trade away all the tal­ en t he had b ecau se o f the fiscal restraints put on him. But now he’s starting w ith next to nothing and h e ’s s ta rtin g to r e b u ild the Edmonton team and it’s going to be good team. I’m not saying it’s going to win the Cup, but it’s going to be an exciting team.

Trib: Did you expect Patrick Roy to be traded?

Fisher: No, I didn’t expect him to be tra d e d . C e rta in ly I d id n ’t expect it to happen in the way that it happened.

Trib: Did you however expect a confrontation betw een Roy and (new coach) Tremblay?

Fisher: I c e rta in ly w o u ld expect any coach including Demers (former Hab head coach) to tell any

ly talented, unbelievably dedicated p la y er w ho alm o st alw ay s cam e through in the clutch under huge pressure situations. He was a target o f m ost players in the league. He was the best player on the Montreal Canadiens, certainly the most dan­ gerous goal scorer and that automatically m ade him a target o f every team that played the Canadiens and e v e ry p la y e r on th o se team s. T here w ere tim es w hen th ey w o u ld try to push him around or hit him with a stick or run him into the boards and his reaction to those things was to do the same thing.

Trib: Would he go on your a ll- tim e g re a t M o n tre a l C a n a d ie n s or even NHL team?

Fisher: He w ouldn’t go on m ine b ecause as I say, I only saw him in his last five years. I can only go along w ith the people that I saw play for a long time. The Rocket while he was an exciting player of his time when he was play­ ing wasn’t as productive as G o rd ie H ow e. I f y o u ’re g o in g to p ic k a rig h t winger, you’re going to pick Gordie teams that probably w on’t be in the Howe. A centreman you’re going to same place in the next five years. pick, Wayne Gretzky. A left winger Trib: Is the NHL as a whole, a you gotta pick, Bobby Hull at least healthy league? of all the players I’ve seen. Just like Fisher: Absolutely. It grossed on defence the best I’ve seen were around $1 billion last year on just Bobby Orr and D oug H arvey. He the crap it sells in its boutiques. would certainly go on the all-time T hat’s not going to get smaller, it’s teams of some people but he’s cer­ going to grow as the league itself tainly am ong the best o f all time. grow s and perhaps, w ell not per­ It’s pretty hard to say there’s no one haps, eventually they’re going to be else who comes close to this partic­ in Europe. ular guy.

Trib: What do you think about Fox and other A merican networks T r ib : H ow d id B obby H ull and media figures trying to change change the NHL by jumping to the World Hockey Association? Did he how we watch the gam e and even its rules? contribute greatly to how the league is today?

Fisher: Sure they'll be a puck Fisher: I don’t think it was a on television with a blue circle or a huge contribution. Certainly the fact red s tre a k b u t R u p e rt M u rd o ch that the WHA was in business for didn’t become a billionaire by being stu p id . H e ’s n o t g o in g to try to seven or eig h t y ears o p en ed the change the rules o f hockey because door for a lot of players. It certainly he knows he’s not going to get very contributed to the upward gallop in far. Fox is thinking o f changing it sa larie s. Ju st ab o u t m ost d ecen t NHL players that the WHA signed, into two halves or four quarters or som ething but that’s probably ju st th e y had to p a y th e se g u y s b ig bucks; the kind of big bucks that the some idiotic vice-president w ho’ll probably be rep laced by M ickey N H L h a d n ’t been p ay in g b efore Mouse next year. It’s certainly noth­ 1972. So sure that had an effect in term s o f salaries, and o f course it ing to be concerned about if you’re turned the expansion phase of hock­ a hockey fan.

Trib: What was the best hock­ ey into almost a race. So while the WHA didn’t last a long time, it cer­ ey game you ever saw?

Fisher: The best gam e I saw ta in ly had an e ffe c t in te rm s o f salaries, in terms of jobs. It provid­ was a triple overtime game between ed a lot more jobs for players who Montreal and Chicago in the play­ offs in 1961. M ontreal trailed the weren’t good enough to play in the N H L . It g a v e g u y s a lo t m o re money than they could make in the NHL and by extension it started the W h e r e peopCe tafçe th e upw ard rush o f the salary scale.

Trib: Where do you see the future tim e to e n jo y ... o f the NHL in term s o f its sm all market teams?

Fisher: It don’t think it’s any question that the small market teams ^ L a jF o n d u e cannot compete financially with the larger m arket ones. I w ouldn’t be sh o c k e d if o n e d ay M o n tre a l, ( P r in c e P L r th u r T oronto and V ancouver w ere the ‘Tel.: 845-0183 only Canadian team s in the NHL. 70 est, rue (Prince Arthur, ‘Montréal, Quéèec 5ÙX1H3 P .T ^

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player on his team, “you play and I’ll coach.” I get paid to coach, you get paid to play. Obviously M ario Trem blay chose to make that very plain to Roy and any other player on the team very early, as he should, because coaching is tough enough w ithout players trying to tell you how to coach. Patrick had too much to say in th e d re s s in g ro o m .

Trem blay w ouldn’t allow it and it d e fin ite ly cam e d ow n to a c o n ­ f ro n ta tio n a b o u t w h en th e y g o t w hacked D ecem ber 2 by D etroit.

Patrick Roy did a couple o f things he should never had done. Waving his hands to the crowd after a sar­ castic round o f applause. T hey’ve been pretty good to him throughout the years ju s t as h e ’s been pretty good to them . A nd o f co u rse he sh o u ld n ’t have done w hat he did when he came off the ice. After that I still w asn’t convinced that they were going to go as far as trade him and they probably would not have traded him had he shown any kind o f rem orse. But he d id n ’t so they did...It was an accumulation of ten years o f carrying that team on his shoulders.

Trib: Does St. Louis look like it’s capable of making a playoff run h a v in g now a c q u ire d W ay n e Gretzky?

Fisher: St. Louis is obviously not doing as well as it expected to be after going and getting someone lik e W ayne G retzk y . I f th ey g et bounced in the first round o f the playoffs then I ’d be willing to bet that he isn’t on that team next year.

H e ’ll sig n w ith so m e b o d y else because he’s a restricted free agent at the end of this season.

Trib: Any Stanley Cup picks this year?

Fisher: The Detroit Red Wings are the best team in the league by far. A goaltender that d idn’t even ap p ear in any p la y o ff gam es last year has got the best goals against a v e ra g e in th e le a g u e th is y e a r (Chris Osgood). They got Larioncv w ho’s really having an im pact on the Russians. Paul Coffey isn’t hav­ ing his best year but he didn’t have a good Stanley Cup final last year afte r w inning the N orris trophy.

They’re far better than any team in the league right now.

Trib: Any advice for anyone wanting to get into this business?

Fisher: S ta rt w o rk in g fo r a suburban paper and get experience in various areas; you got to work lik e a s o n -o f-a -b itc h . T h e b est advice is if you want to get in the newspaper business, try TV.

The Students’ Society of McGill University is seeking a student to take on the responsibility for the operation of the three Sadie’s Tabagie locations on the McGill Campus.

The ideal candidate will possess experience in retail management including, but not limited to, the control of stock, staffin g, as well as the ability to develop and coordinate marketing efforts.

This position will require a minimum of 35 hours of work per week for a full year term; the candidate should consider her/his course load accordingly.

Remuneration consists of an hourly wage for the summer months and a stipend for the school term.

Bilingualism is an asset.

Résumés should be received by the undersigned no later than April 10 ,19 9 6 .

Comptroller, Students’ Society of McGill University 3480 McTavish S t , room 105 Montréal, Québec, H3A 1X9

Fear and resentment of an Expo’s fan McGill student apathy [From the... a pitiful display

‘80s.

Mackanin, and Stan Papi. Between For the next two seasons they 1969 and 1978, they did not have one winning season. The only signif­ held first place for much of the year icant record held by an Expo was before being eliminated by the even­ B L E A C H E R S most times hit by pitches in a sea­ tual world series champs. In 1981, son, and the team even looked horri­ they made it as far as the seventh B y D a n S ar ag o s ti gam e o f the league cham pionship ble in uniform s that seemed more series. I w on’t dweli on that game toy doll than major league.

Hope spring’s eternal in the through participation as a specta­ since most people know about it, and B y Ea r l Z u k e r m a n Things changed in 1979. The human breast; tor. anyway my therapist told me to try organisation began to bring in good man never is, but always to be T h is p a s t s e a s o n , le a g u e N ow th a t an o th er seaso n o f to forget it. young players. All of a sudden, they blest. cham pionships w ere w on by nine Things started to really go sour in te rc o lle g ia te sp o rts has draw n had stars like G ary C arter, Steve T h o se lin e s , p en n e d by different M cG ill team s. Som e 46 in 1982.

The team had more talent to a close, it’s tim e to take a ret­ Rogers, and the athletic outfitted of Alexander Pope are an affirmation than ever and the pundits predicted a r o s p e c tiv e lo o k at M c G ill s tu ­ M cG ill athletes earned league allEllis Valentine, W arren Cromartie, of the human spirit and a ray of light star status, including 21 w ho w ere dynasty, but instead they becam e d e n ts an d th e ir in v o lv e m e n t in and Andre Dawson. to those who are going through hard classic underachievers.

For the next selected A ll-C anadian (i.e. an allNot only were the Expos good, athletics. times. But as baseball season begins, s ta r a t th e n a t io n a l le v e l) . they w ere cool. T hey had d o p e ­ three years, they stayed close to the A s p a rt o f th e e d u c a tio n a l one group of people comes to mind top throughout the season, only to D e s p ite all th is su c c e s s , a tte n ­ smoking Bill Lee, W oodie Fryman e x p e rie n c e o f a u n iv e rs ity lik e that should probably forget Pope’s tail off in September. w ho m ilked cow s and looked 65 M cG ill, one w ay to develop as an d an ce at M cG ill sp o rtin g ev en ts words.

The Expos’ failures were disil­ w as dism al, at best. years old and the BUS squad (Broke in d iv id u al is by p a rticip a tio n in T he ‘Spos have in flic te d on lusioning. In one year the sudden H ey stu d en ts, w h at are you U n d e r-ra te d S u p e rsta rs) on the an athletics program .

Serious stu­ their supporters enough heartache to re le a se o f R o d n ey S c o tt led to d o in g o u t th ere! W h at has h a p ­ bench. d e n t-a th le te s w ho w ish to m a x ­ fill ten country music albums. And I resentm ent aim ed at the m anage­ T hat year, they surprised the p e n e d to y o u r sc h o o l p rid e ? It im ise their athletic potential have w ould argue that the dam age has ment, Tim R ain es’ stats declined world by w inning 29 more gam es appears to have gone the way of the opportunity to do so at M cG ill been especially severe for fans who, mysteriously (we now know that he that in 1978 and finishing second to the d in o sau r. Is the o nly reaso n through dedicated training, excel­ like this w riter, w ere born in the sometimes slid head-first to protect the eventual World Series champion you are here an academ ic one? lent coaching, top-level in terco l­ early ‘70s.

Pirates. The whole country caught the cocaine in his back pocket) and C an som eone explain w hy a W hen w e firs t n o tic e d th a t leg iate com p etitio n and state-ofthroughout that time no one could Expos fever and I, along with many stu d e n t m ig h t fo llo w th e tria ls M ontreal had a baseball team, the stand Carter. It was enough to render ! the-art training facilities. other impressionable youths, believe and tribulations o f a football team Expos were a laughable team, filled F or those w ho are not as ded ­ an awkward adolescent cynical. they would surely be the team of the lik e th e N o tre D a m e F ig h tin g with cast-offs like Santo Alcala, Pete icated , M c G ill’s diverse cam pus By 1984, when the team signed Irish but show little or no interest Pete Rose and kept him for a few ( re c re a tio n p ro g ra m p ro v id e s an in the M cGill Redm en? W hy do avenue for casual p articipants to m onths, th e q u est fo r a title had M cG ill students m ostly show up do their thing, at their ow n level become gimmicky. At the end of the fo r a g am e ag a in st Q u e e n ’s but and p ace, an d p o ssib ly to assist season, C a rter w as trad e d to the n o t f o r a S h rin e B o w l .g am e Mets, and Rodgers was on his way stu d en ts in m eetin g new frien d s (QUALITY SPORT LTD.) a g a in s t y o u r c r o s s - to w n riv a ls and pursuing new interests. from C o n c o rd ia, w h ich b en efits A n o th e r w ay to d e v e lo p is Continued on Page 31 I* y o u n g p a tie n ts at th e M o n trea l S h rin e rs H o sp ita l fo r C rip p le d C hildren?

H ave M c G ill s tu d e n ts b e c o m e tr e n d y , f a s h io n - to tin g sn o b s w ith b ra n d -n a m e rip p e d , sto n e-w ash ed je a n s an d T -sh irts b o a s tin g n a m e s lik e D a v id L e t te r m a n ’ s a lm a m a te r , B a ll S ta te ? W h a t h a p p e n e d to th e M cG ill stu d en t sp irit - on e th at w as so instrum ental in developing fo o tb a ll, h o ck e y an d b a s k e tb a ll before the turn o f the century?

A s sports b egan to flourish, p r o f e s s io n a l te a m s to o k o v e r, le a v in g a m a te u r s p o r ts in th e dust. Now the only glue holding th e m to g e th e r a re th e a m a te u r a th le te s th e m s e lv e s - stu d e n ts w ho slave 30 h ours p er w eek at the most recognized and respected their chosen sport for little or no brand name in the industry. recognition and paltry crow d sup­ port.

M e a n w h ile , o v e r p a id p ro S t u d e n t s w i t h I .D . c a r d . ath letes w ho give little o f th em ­ s e lv e s to th e c o m m u n ity a re revered as heroes even after they go on strike for a raise that would take the average citizen a lifetim e to earn in an honest way.

W hy is there so m uch in ter­ est in w atch in g an N H L reg u lar s e a s o n g a m e , w h ic h is a lm o s t T-SHIRTS, SHORTS, SW guaranteed to be a sleeper but so (BALL CAPS, BACKPACKS little in te rest in w atch in g a u n i­ v ersity g am e w h ich is a lm o st a ATHLETIC shoe-in to be a thriller?

T h e an sw e rs to th e se q u e s ­ W e S p e c i a l i z e in G R O U P tio n s are lik e th e c h ic k e n -a n d S T U D E N T S N E E D E D !

R u s h o r d e r s o f fa e a te d egg, “w hich cam e first?” d ile m ­ Earn up to $2,000+ per m onth working for Cruise ma. g o o d s c a n b e d e liv e Ships or Land-Tour C om panies. W orld Travel I gu ess only m y h aird resser (Hawaii, Mexico, the Caribbean, etc.). Seasonal know s for sure. T he only problem w ith that is I no longer have any and Full-Time employment available. h air so I guess th is m ystery w ill No experience necessary.

For more V is it o u r o th e r lo c a tio n take a long tim e to unravel. information call: H ey, stu d en ts o f M cG ill, its tim e to ask y o u r s e lf o n e m o re 4 - 9 5 6 5 question - does your alm a m ater?

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April 2nd, 1996

Sports/Wuz goin’ down

page 3 i

From the bleachers... » Continued from Page 30

TUESDAY, APRIL 2

• th e A s s o c ia tio n f o r B a h a ’i Studies invites you to a religious discussion with Dr. Miki Kamran; 16:30 in S h atn e r 302. C all 6369596.

• L B G T M ’s All W om en’s G roup meets at 18:30 in Shatner 423 • 111 TV, the M cGill students’ TV Netw ork, is holding elctions for all ex ecu tiv e positions, nom inations still open, 7p.m. 398-6778.

through the non-partisan organisa­ tion Foum Québec, will be held on April 14. Call 393-3883 for more details.

• A U D IT IO N S f o r F e s tiv a l M cG ill’s Theatre C om pany’s sum ­ m er production o f S h ak esp eare’s H enry V will com m ence April 18, running until April 20. Call 3986070 for details.

• B ook fair at the N ew m an Centre (3484 Peel) on M arch 22, 7-9PM ; M ar 23 10-3; M ar 25-27, 11-5.

• The YM CA is looking for volun­ te e rs to h elp o u t w ith th e 17th A nnual B ill L ew is S p rin g R ace, slated for the 28th A pril. T-shirts an d b u ffe t. P ro c e e d s go to th e D o w n to w n Y Y o u th C e n tr e .

C o n ta c t 8 4 9 -8 3 9 3 , lo c a l 7 3 4 o r 792.

• the H ealth Festival (Festival de la Santé) is seeking 2000 v olun­ te e rs fo r a o n e -d a y e v e n t (M ay 19). C a ll C h a n ta l D ’A m o u r at 879-1027 for details.

FRIDAY. APRIL 5

ONGOING EVENTS

• F in a n c ia l P C O C m e e tin g at 17:30 in S h atn e r 426/4 2 7 . C all K elly Remai for more inform ation at 398-6802.

WEDNESDAY. APRIT. .3 • L B G T M ’s B isexual D iscussion G roup m eets at 17:30 in S hatner 423.

THURSDAY. APRIU 4

• L B G T M ’s C o m in g O ut G roup m e e ts at 1 7 :3 0 in U T C (3521 U n iv e r s ity ) , f o llo w e d by th e M en’s Group at 19:00.

• Q u ee r C afé, h eld by L B G T M , m eets at 20:00 in B ar C alifornia (Ste.C atherine and Ste.Elisabeth).

UPCOMING EVENTS • th e C a n ta re C h o ir p re s e n ts a spring concert on April 11; works in c lu d e “ A fr ic a n M a s s ,” “ In M e m o riu m Y u g o s la v ia ” an d w orks by C opland, R am insh and D a u n a is . C a ll 2 8 7 -0 7 3 7 fo r details.

• “ F a c in g th e F u tu re : B u ild in g Q u éb ec T o g e th e r /’ a fo ru m run

• M cG ill V arsity baseball begins training season; new players w el­ com ed Tues/Thurs from 17-18:30 in the fieldhouse.

• th e F a c u lty o f M a n a g e m e n t holds sum m er school abroad for students w ishing to expose them ­ selves to real business situations.

The courses last 5 w eeks and prov id e o n e o r tw o f u ll- s e m e s te r courses. 20 students lim it. F irstcom e, firs t-s e rv e b asis. C o n tact Pablo M artin de Holan at 398-400 (ext. 0229).

• Peer health Education is recruit­ ing v o lu n te ers fo r 96/97. P lease call 398-6017 fo r m ore in fo rm a­ tion.

• The W hitewash Cam paign: inter­

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ested in inform ation about alterna­ tive menstrual products? Com e by th e W o m e n ’s U n io n ( S h a tn e r 423).

• A lle y C a ts ! T h u rs d a y n ig h ts h av e ja z z “ja m ” ” se ssio n s w ith p r o fe s s io n a l m u s ic ia n s . F rid a y holds a 15-member jazz ensem bles to p lay th e B ig B and so u n d s o f Count Bassie, Tom m y Dorsey and the like. C ontact E velyn M ailhot at 465-9544.

• P r o je c t 10 h a s a g r o u p fo r women, aged 16-25, who are les­ bian, bisexual or unsure. Call 9894585 b etw e en 13:00 and 17:00, Mon. to Fri. • T h e S ex u al A ssa u lt C e n tre o f M c G ill h as s u p p o rt g ro u p s fo r b oth m en and w om en. C all 3982700 (M o n .-F ri., 9 :3 0 -1 7 :3 0 ) or 3 9 8 -8 5 0 0 (7 d a y s , 1 8 :0 0 -m id night).

• L iving W ith Loss: bereavem ent s u p p o r t g r o u p s f o r “ A d u lts ,” “ Y o u n g A d u lts ,” P re -n a ta l and “F a m ily S u rv iv o rs o f S u ic id e ” w ho h av e su ffered th e lo ss o f a fam ily m em ber or friend. Contact Estelle H opm eyer at 398-7067.

• L oaf Organic Food Co-op orders p r o d u c e a n d b u lk d r ie d g o o d s every M onday between 11:30 and 17L30 at the QPIRG office.

• Tel-A ide needs volunteers! We are a liste n in g se rv ic e av a ila b le free o f charge, 24/7. W e are seek­ ing people who have a few hours a m onth to listen to distressed peo­ ple. Contact 935-1105.

SUBMISSIONS • T h e M c G ill R e v ie w of Interdisciplinary A rts is accepting p a p e rs b y u n d e r g r a d u a te s th a t co m b in e tw o o r m ore arts d isc i­ pline. Contact M itra at 844-4907.

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However, even the darkest pes­ simist wouldn’t have guessed how out. It was the end of an era. badly things would go. First o f all, Over the next couple o f years, the team got rid of the high salaries, there was no W orld Series for the first time in modem history of base­ but instead o f collapsing they did ball.

Then the strike ended without surprisingly well. The Expos took any help for small-market teams. To recovered alcoholics, former drugtop it all off, the club began the 1995 a b u sers, and 30 y e a r-o ld c a re e r season by having one o f the worst m in o r le ag u e rs, b u t th ey p la y ed w ell. T he B uck R odgers era was fire sales in the history of sports.

What remained was a team that nice, but it also resulted in a few was scarred. The Expos actually had minor heartaches. talent last year, and a big season for Then in the early ‘90s, cam e their poor finish was the pain of last rum blings that the Expos had the year’s events. b est m in o r-lea g u e sy stem in the Now there’s the distinct possi­ majors. The team got new uniforms that made them look grown-up and b ility th a t the clu b is p ro d u cin g after almost ruining everything with another crop of players for teams.

Tom Runnels, club brass chose a And did I mention that they still may move in the near future? great manager in Felipe Alou.

Now you know how I lost my The rest o f the story is almost innocence. Those o f us who spent too terrible to tell.

T h e new g e n e ra tio n o f our form ative years as Expos fans prospects came o f age, and despite feel like that crab that has one claw rip p ed o u t each year. It grow s it the trades o f Dennis M artinez and back over the next 12 months only D elin n e D eS h ield s, th in g s cam e together in 1994. The Expos got out to get it taken off again at the end of the year. to a good start, took first place in B ut then I see the signing o f their division in May, and held on Rondel 1 White and the revenue-shar­ for the rest of the season. ing deal, and I think things might be W hat happened in 1994 was different this year. M aybe the best b e a u tifu l. T h e o rg a n is a tio n d id w ay to ex p lain fans lik e m e is a things the right way and succeeded famous quote from another famous ag a in st long odds. I h esitated to wordsmith, P.T. Barn urn — some­ believe in them, but held on for the th in g ab o u t a su c k e r bein g born rest of the season. eveiy minute.

S t e -C a t h e r in e W e s t, M o n tré a l Rlm,24 exposures,developingincluded Passportphotos

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Health Canada advises that smoking is addictive and causes lung cancer, emphysema and heart disease.