08.17 Bush's Environmental Record, October 21, 2004, Volume 8, Issue 17, MauiTime

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■ OCTOBER 21, 2004

■ VOLUME 8

■ ISSUE 17

■ MAUITIME.COM

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It’s Snot Unusual The Bush environmental record finally explained-pg.10

By Jim Washburn

5 ET TU, MAUI WEEKLY? Ogden owns all but us

9 HANDS-ON RACING With an Xterra massage therapist

14 HOT BEEF The John Holmes of Hot Dogs

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MAXI’´S COSTUMES Maui’s Largest Selection of Quality Costumes, Masks & Accessories!

•It’s Snot Unusual The Bush environmental record finally explained – by Jim Washburn

MAUI COUNTY 4

•Letters to the Editor •Eh Brah!

5

•LC Watch •Et Tu, Maui Weekly?

West Virginia media giant now owns all Maui papers but us – by Anthony Pignataro

6 7 8

•Coconut Wireless •Overheard...

•News of the Weird •Ted Rall cartoon

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Bush vs. the environment - P. 10

•Food Cops •Where’s the Sustainability?

Maui Community College will show us the way – by Joshua Cooper Editor: Anthony Pignataro anthony@mauitime.com

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•Tides & Times •Hands-On Racing

Calendar Goddess: Kim Welch kim@mauitime.com

What it’s like to be an Xterra massage therapist – by Inga Stracke

Contributing Writers: Joshua Cooper, Caeriel Crestin, Sarah Elwell, Joe Gatto, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey, Inga Stracke, Jim Washburn Illustration: Guy Junker, Glenn Watson Photography: Sean M. Hower, Kirsten Guenther

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19 •This Week’s Picks 22 •Film: ( ) Team America: World Police – by Cole Smithey 23 •Movies & Times 24 •A&E: Free Space The art of LiveWire – by Joe Gatto 25 •The Grid & Calendar Listings

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MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2004 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

NEWS

LETTERSTOTHEEDITOR HATES MORONS Hurray for Ted Rall’s “Triumph of the Stultocracy!” (Oct. 7, 2004). How refreshing to read such radically intelligent logic in public print. I have been saying the same thing for years; in fact a friend of mine directed my attention to the article because he recognized my oft-stated sentiment. Whenever friends lament, “How can it be that almost half of the citizenry plan to re-elect Bush?” or “How can it be that so many undecideds cannot even make up their minds already?” my consistent answer is “Because we are a democracy laboring under the delusion that voting is a right for everyone, including morons, yahoos and ignoramuses.”

While proper training and testing is required to obtain a license to drive, voting for the leader of the most powerful nation on the planet is allowed for “any adult with a pulse.” Look at the mess we are all in as a result. Morons elect morons and all on earth are forced to bear the consequences.

A political literacy test—a radical idea likely to be thought loathsome by most Americans—is an idea whose time has come, as it is essential to have such important decisions made by informed, intelligent citizens and not the whims and prejudices of the grossly misinformed. Imagine a system of government wherein only those with a clue are allowed the privilege of choosing our representatives!

-Felix Thoreau, Hana

HATES INTELLECTUALS The Op Ed article in your Oct. 7, 2004 issue (“Triumph of the Stultocracy”) is a shining example of intellectual liberal elitism pointed at a depressing litany of woes based on a few culled figures from polls, a myopic misinterpretation of our country’s current situation that is obviously based on mainstream media misinformation, and personal opinion. The only valid part is the personal opinion, which in this case, is just a waste of newsprint. For all the so-called uninformed, morons, yahoos and ESPN viewers who are apparently ruining this country, I would not trade a single one for

a pontificating ill-informed intellectual who thinks the question of who will lead the federal government’s executive branch for the next four years be left to him and other heavy lifters of his ilk. There are a lot of good, hard working people in this country and I am optimistic the best years are ahead of us.

-Dan Shiraki, Wailuku

HATES SARCASM I am writing because of what I have read in your paper. It is good to be able to voice one’s thought or opinion, which you so encourage but I need to address in the spirit of aloha. Making fun of others because they do not look the same as we or speak articulately or perhaps because they do not dress as we do, should have no tolerance in Hawaii. I would like to ask why it is that you encourage people to write in but make fun of their grammar or bad punctuation?

You want sophistication and with all the letters in their places with all the i’s dotted, even if what they say is something out of jest or just cause. Take a look around you. This island, like all the other islands, is filled with children who have long grown up and received their education but who prefer to use the language of their island ancestors which may delete the use of proper grammar and punctuation.

-Puanani Robinson, via email

Maui Time welcomes letters commenting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A-7278, Lahaina, HI 96761) or fax (808-661-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less, changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A–7278, Lahaina, HI 96761 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com This goes out to the wannabe American patriot who parked next to my red pick-up in Kihei the other week. Thanks a lot for taking the yellow ribbon from my truck and putting it on your truck. I looked everywhere for that, but I’m sure now that you took it. Sure, it only cost me $5, but what do you have against spending $5 for a lousy ribbon? And it’s not like you can’t afford it—your truck was at least 10 years newer than mine! So now you’re driving around with my ribbon, claiming that you support our troops. Shame on you.

MAUICOUNTY

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

Et tu, Maui Weekly?

The Trial That May Never Happen

West Virginia media giant now owns all Maui papers but us Say it ain’t so, Joe! Tell me it isn’t true that Wheeler, West Virginia-based Ogden Newspapers didn’t buy out the Maui Weekly, which you’ve published and edited so valiantly for the last five years! Tell me you didn’t sell out to the same media conglomeration that already swallowed up The Maui News, Maui Bulletin, Lahaina News and Haleakala Times!

Who am I kidding? The Weekly’s gone from being owned by two local developers who used the paper to further their personal financial agendas—Joe Sugarman and Everett Dowling—to one owned by a national chain with little regard for the island beyond the profit margin. The Weekly’s Oct. 14, 2004 issue trumpets the sale in five separate stories, which is fitting since now former publisher/editor in chief Sugarman’s mug appears in the paper on five different pages.

As part of the deal, Sugarman will step down. The new editor-in-chief, Debra Lordan, has since May worked as the paper’s associate editor.

The new owner, Ogden Newspapers, publishes 39 dailies, a bunch of weeklies, magazines and shoppers in 11 states.

Virtually all Podunk papers—quaint and harmless small town papers that always cover the Flower Festival and write scathing editorials against jaywalking.

Maui Weekly’s cousins now include all

Nutting has donated $27,000 to the GOP as well as various right-wing candidates and political action committees For sheer entertainment value, Sugarman’s Maui Weekly was peerless. Sugarman insisted on editing the thing, yet he had no reporting experience. He made his millions hawking BluBlocker sunglasses through late night informericals.

THE REALITY WAS MORE PATHETIC. SUGARMAN WAS NEVER IN ON THE JOKE. IN FACT, HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED HIS PAPER’S SENSATIONALIST RAMBLINGS PERFORMED A VALUABLE COMMUNITY SERVICE. the Maui papers plus the Gasparailla Gazette in Boca Grande, Florida; The Daily Mining Gazette in Houghton, Michigan; The Dysart Reporter in Dysart, Iowa; the New Ulm Shopper/Post Review of New Ulm, Minnesota; The TimesLeader of Martins Ferry, Ohio and the Wetzel Chronicle in New Martinsville, West Virginia. Ogden magazines include Grit, Farm Collector, Mother Earth News, Steam Traction and Gas Engine Magazine—all of which are published in the same Topeka, Kansas office.

Sitting atop Ogden Newspapers is President and Publisher G. Ogden Nutting.

Part owner of the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball team, Nutting has run Ogden since 1970. He’s also a longtime patron of the Republican Party. Federal Election Committee records show that since 2000

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more on sports, sex and more sex… At least it gets [men] to pick up a copy and open it— something that they might not normally do.”

I wish I could make up material like that.

But all of that paled before Sugarman’s insistence on chasing the almost-certainly mythical Big Cat. Headlines included “Big Cat Still Loose On Maui,” “Is The Big Cat Dead Or Alive?” and “Big Cats Multiply On Island With Latest Sighting In Paia.”

Stories were supposedly based on phone calls from “witnesses,” at least one of which was a little boy. Sometimes the cat was black.

Sometimes it was white. At least once it was an Irish Setter. Usually it lived in Olinda, though it was also “seen” in Wailea and Haiku.

Never mind that no shred of physical evidence ever surfaced to prove the existence of the cat. For months, Sugarman used his editorial column to beat the Big Cat drum—when he wasn’t calling for more traffic roundabouts, denouncing drug abuse or boosting Makena development without informing readers that co-owner Dowling intended to invest in the proposed resort.

Had Sugarman possessed even the tiniest sense of irony, his paper would have been wildly successful. But the reality was more pathetic. Sugarman was never in on the joke.

In fact, he actually believed his paper’s sensationalist ramblings performed a valuable community service.

Now the Weekly is poised to become just another colorless paper in the Ogden chain. If the Big Cat actually exists, it is almost certainly weeping.

MTW

So it wasn’t unusual to see front page stories like the one that warned that the island was 133 years overdue for a hurricane, yet neglected any meteorological or geological perspective, which would have explained that the layout of the Hawaiian Islands makes it highly unlikely that a hurricane would hit Maui.

Another breathlessly reported that Maui was in danger of getting nuked by North Korea.

Once Sugarman wrote a story telling people to go shop at K-Mart because the store had shorter lines than Wal-Mart.

Despite his constant pledges to provide “investigative reporting” and “community news,” for months he ran pictures of bikini girls on Page Three.

“Our male readers tend to be more visually oriented,” he rationalized in the July 15, 2004 issue. “Where women like to read about relationships, fashion and astrology, men focus

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Adjudication Board Member Ron McOmber was even grumpier than usual at the Oct. 7 hearing. And he wasn’t shy about letting his colleagues and the public know it, chiding one liquor licensee for being “inconsiderate” and for creating “an undue burden” on him.

What got McOmber even more cantankerous than usual? That would be Makawao’s Stopwatch Sports Bar and Grill.

The bar is accused of over-serving customer Dawn Marie Reiter, who was later arrested for allegedly driving while drunk.

The incident occurred on Oct. 28, 2003, but still hasn’t gone to trial.

The matter first appeared before the Board on April Fool’s Day of this year. Deputy Prosecuting Attorney Angela Hedge immediately asked for a continuance, saying that Stopwatch attorney Steven Sonstad had a conflict of interest, in that he was also defending Reiter.

The Board delayed the matter without comment. It came up again on Aug. 5. But Songstad still wasn’t ready. He said he couldn’t represent Stopwatch because Reiter wouldn’t release him, which meant Stopwatch needed a new attorney.

So the Board delayed the matter again.

Which brought us to Oct. 7, when Songstad appeared again, this time to say that Reiter had moved to New York. But just to be on the safe side, he had asked the State Office of Disciplinary Counsel for an opinion as to whether he could represent Stopwatch, but hadn’t yet received a reply.

Board Chairman Shigeto “Mustard” Murayama suggested the Jan. 6, 2005 hearing. Songstad said he’d be on the mainland and asked for the February hearing.

To some these delays may seem frivolous, but living on an island as small as Maui makes legal conflicts as these a fact of life. McOmber didn’t see it that way. In fact, he seems to have seen the whole thing as a plot against him.

“Can I make a statement?” he asked. “The reason we have a double day today is because we were going to take this case…

It’s very unfair to those who are volunteering to be here on this board… [It’s an] undue burden on all of us [and is] really inconsiderate… in my personal opinion.”

Though McOmber added that he didn’t want a response, Songstad tried to give him one. But Murayama interrupted him, saying he didn’t “want this to get personal.”

—Anthony Pignataro

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

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BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 13 Today Maui News reporter Harry Eagar reported on last night’s state Public Utilities Commission (PUC) hearing in Kahului on the private equity fund Carlyle Group’s proposed $1.65 billion takeover of Verizon Hawaii. You know the hearing, where 32 people total showed up, including PUC commissioners and staff, Carlyle and Verizon officials, other state officials and reporters like Eagar and yours truly. Former Federal Communications Commission Chairman and current Carlyle managing director William Kennard thanked the PUC at least three times for holding the hearing, despite the fact that a few months ago Carlyle attorneys were trying to convince the Commission not to hold any hearings on their proposed merger. Just six members of the public spoke on the matter, and Eagar did a good job of summarizing their views, though he did neglect to mention two speakers. One guy from Wailuku got up and asked Carlyle—or whoever ends up owning Verizon Hawaii—to do something about the $1.65 per month charge on his phone bill for maintaining touchtone service. And another guy, who easily fit Hollywood central casting’s criteria for “Crazy Old Coot,” got up and denounced The Carlyle Group as a “bloated war vulture.” A bit melodramatic, perhaps, but he was more or less correct, given Carlyle’s numerous defense contractor holdings. Eagar also breathlessly reported that Carlyle, if approved by the PUC, would move phone company management to Hawaii and could possibly raise rates—two revelations that sound familiar because we already reported them in our Oct. 7 cover story “Dial ‘M’ For Money.”… Things don’t look good for former mayor and Maui County Democratic Party Chairman James “Kimo” Apana these days, at least concerning the 11th District representing South Maui.

In fact, his brilliant plan of recruiting former Maui Weekly reporter Louis “Cort”

Gallup to run against incumbent Republican Representative Chris “No Nickname” Halford. By now it’s old news that everything was going smoothly until a couple weeks ago, when a Kihei GOP activist accused Gallup of not being a U.S. citizen. Now our own County Clerk Roy Hiraga says he’ll decide by Friday whether the reporter who was born in Canada and used to write about the Olinda Big Cat is eligible to vote.

THURSDAY, OCT. 14 The Hawaii State Democratic Party is really unloading on incumbent Republican 10th District Representative Brian Blundell. I yank one full-color anti-Blundell card from my mailbox, only to have it replaced the next day by another. One accuses Blundell of being soft on dope: “Under Representative Brian Blundell’s watch, crystal meth use continues to be a problem of epidemic proportions.” But the best is the one that deals with the good legislator’s summer arrest in Honolulu for allegedly groping an undercover vice cop in a public park restroom.

“Representative Brian Blundell crossed the line when he was arrested and charged with fourth-degree sexual assault,” screams the mailer, which repeatedly uses innuendoladen phrases like “compromising position,” “hard question” and “holds the future of Hawaii’s families in his hands.” And the Dems were going to give this guy a pass.

FRIDAY, OCT. 15 Score another win for Kimo! That’s right, folks—County Clerk Hiraga ruled that 11th District candidate Gallup can’t prove he’s a U.S. citizen, so he’s off the ballot. Gallup told The Maui News that he’s appealing the decision. He then added that “dozens upon dozens” of his old friends in Canada have been following his case in the Canadian media and are wishing him luck. Irony—it’s fantastic!

SATURDAY, OCT. 16 During a routine check of local candidate

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

NEWS

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-Woman talking with friends at Longhi’s in Wailea, Oct. 14

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

no reason to suspect that it is—is based somewhere within the Rock of Gibraltar. “Defend your right to vote!” it implores the recipient, then asks “Does President Bush have your support?” The trick is that the recipients—suckers that they are—check off either the Yes or No box, then fax the thing back to a 1-900 number.

Supposedly, Highland would then send the results to the Bush and John Kerry campaigns.

What amazes me is that the con men behind this thing are so upfront with their scheme, printing in very small type “Calls cost three dollars and ninety five cents per minute, a small price to protect your children’s future.”

MONDAY, OCT. 18

websites, I was stunned to find that 5th District State Senator Roz Baker’s official campaign website—www.rozbaker.com— labels her has “Strong,” “Seasoned” and “Savvy.” Seasoned? Excuse me? Prime Rib is “seasoned.” I’m sorry, but I’ve NEVER heard a woman describe herself as “seasoned.”

Experienced, perhaps. Skilled, maybe. But seasoned? I mean, yeah, she’s been in the legislature for 12 years, but I can’t believe for a second that Baker goes around telling people she’s seasoned… Funniest part of Baker’s website? The “Opinions” page, which is blank save a note that “We are currently updating the Opinions Page. Coming back online soon.” What happened, focus group results not in yet?

SUNDAY, OCT. 17 You know what I love better than election polls? Election poll scams! Like that one that got faxed to us today by Highland Marketing, which, if it’s return address is correct—and I have

Custom Tattoos Pain Free

Tonight a couple dozen local residents and Hawaiian activists showed up at the Wharf Cinema Center in Lahaina to see Atlantis Submarine’s presentation on how they want to sink the old fake-brig Carthaginian II off the coast of Puamana Beach Park and turn it into an artificial reef and submarine attraction. The locals challenged Atlantis representatives on issues as diverse as water quality tests, the possibility of the reef attracting sharks and the wisdom of dumping the old ship into what they see as a culturally sensitive area. It was very refreshing to see working people and residents so engaged and informed. Wish all public meetings—like Wednesday’s little PUC hearing on The Carlyle Group—could go that way.

TUESDAY, OCT. 19 Spent too much time looking through the massive, eight-page, full-color glossy brochure the Maui Land & Pineapple Company inserted into this week’s Lahaina News that boasts its massive, 300-acre Pulelehua residential neighborhood, which the company wants to plant between Honoapiilani Highway and Kapalua Airport. The project would add 895 homes to the Westside. Of course, that number doesn’t appear in the brochure, which is jammed with other things like colorful artist’s renditions, photos of ML&P honcho David C. Cole and a mash note from Mayor Alan Arakawa thanking them for saying half the homes would be “affordable.” A local developer who actually builds affordable homes?

That will be something to see. MTW

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NEWSOFTHEWEIRD TECHNOLOGY IS WONDERFUL A new computer gadget enables someone to apply direct physical stimulation sexually to another person over the Internet. According to a September report on Wired.com, the vibrating “Sinulator,” with wireless receiver, can be activated remotely at different speeds and force by a spouse or anyone else who uses the device’s password at Sinulator’s Web site.

Manipulation can be done by a male placing the Sinulator’s transmitting sleeve (“Interactive Fleshlight”) over his penis and thrusting at his (or the recipient’s) preferred speed and force. “Thus,” summarized the Wired writer, “a man can be thrusting in Cleveland while a woman is penetrated in Seattle.”

THROW THE BOOK AT ‘EM! In February, a 38-year-old Disneyland worker was killed when he fell from a threepart parade float and became trapped between the second and third sections.

Disney’s float was termed a “serious” workplace violation by the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA).

In August, OSHA fined the multibilliondollar company $6,300.

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION When Montana State UniversityBozeman student Jesse Huffman, 19, emerged from answering a brutal nature’s call in the men’s room at the Port of Sweet Grass on the U.S. side of the Canadian border in August, officers noticed that the toilet was clogged. Although Huffman said he had a medical problem and offered to try to fix the toilet, officers took Huffman into custody for “criminal mischief.”

Incredulous, Huffman was detained for

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BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

six hours before being released pending a court date, but a few days later, a prosecutor dropped the case.

INEXPLICABLE A Quad City Times (Davenport, Iowa) columnist reported in September on a man who recently drove into his housing community at 10:30 p.m. to discover about 500 14-inch-high, ceramic-faced Ronald McDonald dolls neatly lined up in the middle of six streets, two to three feet apart, with no witnesses or explanation as to how they got there or why. The columnist, Bill Wundram, discovered only that the dolls were probably taken from the warehouse of a promotions company in nearby Camanche, Iowa, but is still stumped as to motive.

HIS GENES ARE STILL IN THE POOL In Clarksville, Ind., in June, Jason Grisham, 22, miraculously survived climbing an electrical tower—scrambling past several obstacles and ignoring warning signs—then absorbing a nearly always-fatal 69,000 volts.

UPDATE In 2002, Boston surgeon (and Harvard Medical School graduate) David Arndt, 43, made News of the Weird when his license was suspended for leaving a patient in the middle of an operation in order to run out to cash a check, and shortly after that he was arrested on drug possession and underage-sex charges, which are still pending. He was arrested again in 2003 when he allegedly received a pink, phallus-shaped Mexican pinata filled with an estimated $100,000 worth of crystal methamphetamine. In August 2004, a federal magistrate once again denied him bail on that charge, and anyway, he would have had trouble making bail since his parents, who put their house on the line to bail him out earlier, said they would no longer help him.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

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MAUICOUNTY

BY JOSHUA COOPER

Where’s The Sustainability?

Maui Community College will show us the way Maui Community College is a microcosm of Maui society. At last, it’s about to show the rest of the island the way to a world of sustainability.

Hawaii receives more than 95 percent of its energy from imported fossil fuels. This crude statistic—pun very much intended— exemplifies our steady exhaustion of the planet’s resources. But MCC students and

rooming at MCC, the power bill was astronomical. The cafeteria alone sucks up huge quantities of natural resources. But it doesn’t have to be that way—we’re already turning it into a mecca for renewable energy and recycling.

One hundred percent of the cardboard used by the Maui Culinary Institute is recycled. It’s now even financially worth doing, since the cost for the products to be recycled is the same

FOOD IS THE KEY. IT BRINGS THE CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY TOGETHER, BUT IT CAN ALSO HELP CARE FOR OUR ‘AINA. professors—like me—know the power of the sun. In fact, students are actually installing ecological equipment on roofs such as the faculty hale that houses the social sciences faculty, as well as the Hawaii Institute for Human Rights.

This work is the very beginning of a long-needed step toward gaining control over our resource use. When the new stadium-sized buildings first began mush-

Food Cops The following tale is taken straight from official complaints and inspection reports on file with the State of Hawaii Department of Health Food Safety office.

Establishment Taco Bell

Location 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei

Date June 14, 2004

Time 9:30 p.m.

*Same day booking only subject to availability. Kama’aina friends and family! Only one ID requred.

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A customer ordered food and noticed a foul odor coming from the meat. The customer decided against finishing the meal, but then noticed that the floor and tables were filthy with “food spills and particles.” The customer complained to an employee who apparently said or did nothing about it. The manager was then informed of the complaint. By the time of inspection on June 18, 2004, there had been no other complaints of foul meat and the floor and tables were food spill and particle-free.

-Lauren Dahl

as dumping it in the landfill. Of course, the byproduct will be reused to save more natural resources. Bottles and plastic are also cleaned, collected and taken to a recycling center.

Food is the key. It brings the campus and community together, but it can also help care for our ‘aina. One good step would be to start buying coffee from the Mountain Thunder Coffee Plantation. There, photovoltaic solar panels power the nation’s only organic certified mill.

Other steps include purchasing more fruits and vegetables from local farmers. There’s no reason the college can’t create an organic farming program. That would increase our sustainable capacity for food in Hawaii, which would save energy by cutting down on the need to import food.

For years, students have been shocked to find out the lack of a systematic recycling program. For too long a college that aims to prepare young people for the world has received a failing grade in sustainability.

But it’s so easy to change. During the semester, students could collect, on average, over a hundred pounds of newspaper and enough bottles to start their own brewery. Then during the semester, students would then dispose of the recycled material at the closest center.

But like all of Maui, the school is making progress. This semester, the college will house a remarkable new recycling center, with rows of bins to recycle bottles, newspaper, aluminum, cardboard and even regular paper.

This will make it ridiculously simple for students to begin a new routine of bringing their recycled goods from home along with their homework. Faculty can also get involved by recycling the papers we grade, to say nothing of the drafts of articles and books we author.

Each office should have a new companion for our computer—a simple box to collect our plain paper.

On the matter of recycling and sustainability, it’s fitting that the students are showing us the way. MTW

SURF&SPORTS

BY INGA STRACKE

Michelle Anderson for Maui County Council “We need brave people in office that aren’t afraid to speak up and keep our government honest and open. Michelle has the courage, integrity and knowledge that will make her a valuable asset to all the people of our islands. Please give her your support.”

Hands-On Racing

– COUNCILMEMBER WAYNE NISHIKI

What it’s like to be an Xterra massage therapist

“I humbly ask for your support. Mahalo.”

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Stella Newman giving an athlete a hand Stella Newman is a massage therapist who’s seen some rough clients. She’s had to work on people with blistered feet, almost to the point where a layer of skin was missing.

Clients have come to her bruised, beaten up and so exhausted they can’t even stand. And not one of them has ever paid her.

Yet she wouldn’t give them up for anything. That’s because they’re Xterra triathletes. Something like 600 of them visit Maui each year from all over the world to compete in the 1.5-kilometer ocean swim, 30-kilometer mountain bike ride and 11kilometer trail run.

This Sunday, Oct. 24, will be the 9th Xterra Triathlon. It’ll be Newman’s fourth as a volunteer race massage therapist.

Recently she gave free massages to the participants of the Hana Relay and the Maui Marathon.

I asked her why she volunteers year after year for such a tough job.

“Because I can,” she said with a big smile on her face. “It’s awesome to work with the other massage therapists. We are all here for the same reason, because we can help. We all get as hyped as the athletes. You are part of the whole race. It’s a great atmosphere and I really enjoy it.”

Newman will be one of 20 or so massage therapists who will set up tables in two big tents near the finish line.

“We bring our own tables and our own massage oil,” Newman said. “We get the event T-shirt and juice and a lunch, but mostly many, many ‘thank yous.’ People are just so exhausted and we can help them to relax and relieve the pressure they have been under for this extreme competition.”

She has seen many cramped legs, muscle spasms and people shaking, barely able

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to stand up. Some athletes don’t even make it to the massage tents and have to get picked up and taken to the medical tent. She’s also had to deal with bad sunburns.

Normally the therapists will work on one athlete for about 10 minutes. How many did she treat last year? Newman said she lost count.

“There must have been at least 20,” she said.

“They always talk about the after-race party. No matter how exhausted they are—that’s great spirit. Last year there even was one guy from Australia who told me about the big party they had the night before the Xterra and how he still wasn’t sure if it was the hangover or the race that was killing him.”

Sometimes it’s not easy to communicate with her patients.

“There are people from India, Japan, China, who barely speak English, so it’s all down to ‘Hi’ and ‘Thank You’ and a lot of sign language,” she said. “And some of them have really great bodies, just gorgeous and well-toned.

Those are the most fun to work on.”

Lynn Post, who has been organising massage therapists to volunteer at sports events since 1993, says she couldn’t do her job without people like Newman.

“They are great,” said Post. “Stella is a great person. She was one of my best students. At the Xterra, she can show those top athletes from all over the world her skills.”

Post says the therapists could financially benefit from Xterra volunteer work if they get the athletes to book a 60 or 90 minute appointment with them. But Neman said she’s never taken that opportunity.

“After the whole day of hard work, I usually go home and fall into bed completely exhausted,” she said. “It’s a bit of a shame, because we often get asked out to join the athletes for the Sunday night party which is supposed to be great, but I am always just too tired.” MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

9

Rooney was late draining me this morning.

His orb said he was called away to a meeting of fellow Nurg dignitaries. My guess is there’s another human uprising in Montana. The Nurg don’t do anything about the uprisings, but they do like to watch.

“Resistance is futile,” Rooney likes to say, “but it is also adorable.”

Even more than most Nurg, Rooney loves paraphrasing Earth’s pop culture, which is now theirs.

He finally showed up around nine, two hours later than my usual draining, and my head felt like it was going to explode. There was no need to mention my distress, and he immediately latched himself to the receiving end of the device he calls the Hookah from Anotha Planet, the giving end being the bulbous siphon tubes in my nose.

It was in 2009 that Earth discovered the sad truth that all of human existence had been directed by an alien race, to become their livestock, farmed for our nasal waste. To them it is like royal jelly mixed with heroin.

They planted a genetic program on this watery world, creating a race with great nasal passages and the right mix of curiosity, innovation and avarice to create a society where the daily assault of allergens, pollutants, pathogens and chemicals assured we’d be an abundant source of phlegm for them. The process was practically automatic, requiring only an occasional nudge from our unseen Nurg overseers to keep us on course.

“Did you know that in 2004 the drought in Australia was so bad that kangaroos, mad with thirst and hunger, began coming into towns and attacking people?”

This delve into history was Rooney’s way of saying we wouldn’t be talking about whatever he’d been dealing with this morning. He is a trove of old ecolore, as am I, since, along with being his personal nasal cow, I’ve been assisting him these several years in his research.

Rooney has a job, imperceptible as it may be, since he has about 120 years to complete it. His job is to determine What Went Wrong. Typically on the thousands of other worlds they’ve milked, the transition into nasal serfdom barely even registers with the inhabitants. That’s because the advent of permanent nasal congestion smoothly follows on the heels of the host race having lost its ability to reason, thanks to an abundance of brain-stunting chemicals in their environment. The latter lagged here, and may take a generation or two yet before it fully kicks in.

Unlike my privileged status, most humans are permanently hooked up in factory farms. The temporary relief they get from being drained is so great that most acquiesce, but many still have enough sen-

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COVER STORY

tience left to get balky. The transition was messy, and as much as the Nurg like entertainment, they don’t like messes. Somewhere between compliant and comatose is where we’re supposed to be.

Irony is not a word I formerly used or even fully understood, but it’s beyond definition now. It is the sole abiding emotion. What’s left after rising from muck, building great cities, bringing forth Shakespeare and Van Morrison, only to learn we’re chattel to a superior race that cares more for our used Kleenex than it does us? That all our grandest efforts were mere by-products of the pollution and antigens we were designed to create? For the few of us who still bother to measure time, it is 15 BD, marked from the Big Denouement in 2009.

Rooney and I enjoy a friendship of sorts. I am technically his slave, but it’s like being Willie Nelson’s slave, if Willie was an iridescent seven-foot praying mantis who had been amiably stoned for millennia.

He lacks the “whatever” arrogance of most of his

that would add an agreeable amount of oil smoke to the atmosphere, contributing to global warming, which further readies your sinuses for us. The warsmoke was a counterbalance to the pollution controls leaders on our past worlds adopted by once they caught on that global warming was causing their own demise.

“But two months before Bush ignored the ‘Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States’ memo, he also ignored a report he had requested on global warming. Your best scientists, convened by the National Academy of Sciences, had been asked to question the findings of an international global warming study. Instead, they confirmed and amplified them, warning that climate change prompted by human activity would increase the earth’s temperature by as much as 10.4 degrees by 2100, likely with catastrophic results.

“With nearly every other leader on every world, such a slap of self-awareness makes them realize the fragility of their ecosystems and slow the destruction. Bush didn’t, and with all the other

In 2004, the administration moved to loosen restrictions on coal mining operations damaging to streams and waterways. race, and seems genuinely saddened that humanity was still somewhat aware when the snot hit the fan.

As for what went wrong, Rooney narrows it down to this: “Your George W. Bush was a real piece of shit.”

This is not a term the Nurg use lightly. Rooney says it’s pretty much a universal constant that “the brighter the species, the more repugnant the feces.” Nurg excreta is so horrid that they’ve developed nanotechnology to incinerate it internally, leading to the short-lived human joke of calling the Nurg “ashholes.”

The problem with the hapless President Bush, as Rooney explained to me early in our research, “is that Bush was retrograde, a throwback to when your people wore pelts and huddled around campfires afraid of the night. In those times, we could whisper into a leader’s mind, and he’d think the word of God was commanding him.

“But for the last millennium, people regarded our whispers as just one more idea popping into their fabulous minds. That’s how it always is, so we’d tailor our whispers knowing the response would now be in tendencies instead of certainties. If we whispered, ‘Kill all the fish’ into the right ears we could count on maybe a 10 percent fish kill at most.

“With Bush, though, we’d whisper, ‘Destroy the atmosphere. God will provide,’ and gosh if Bush didn’t, like an avenging angel. Look at this”–Rooney produced a stack of yellowed Los Angeles Times clippings–“in your 2001, we primed you to enter wars

things he threw out of whack, your environment went haywire before your minds did. How one being could screw up millions of years of planning is astonishing.”

While Rooney the historian may have been perturbed, Rooney the connoisseur was not. In the way that aberrant weather once produced great wine grapes, Bush’s environmental havoc resulted in such nasal distress that Earth mucus was already esteemed among the great vintages by the Nurg. Our research, I suspect, will be used to incorporate Earth’s irregularities into their program on subsequent worlds. It’s nice to be special, I guess.

Rooney has all of human history digitized in his orb, but he likes the smell and feel of old newsprint, so I have spent the years hence sifting through old Times and other papers and mags. The decades-old newsprint still leaves ink on my fingers. I look for patterns for Rooney. I also look for patterns that can make any sense of it to me. I haven’t seen one yet.

Try this: If there’s one thing Americans agreed on it was that we loved our children, but story after story appeared about how, along with consuming our kids’ future, we were poisoning them on the spot.

In the early 2000s, studies showed that cases of childhood asthma had doubled in just two decades.

The incidence of childhood allergies had doubled in one decade. Children were hitting puberty years earlier than previously—girls as young as six were developing breasts and growing pubic hair—with everything from hormones in food to too much tele-

It’s Snot Unusual The Bush environmental record finally explained - By Jim Washburn vision being blamed.

Antidepressant use by teens and pre-teens was exploding. Attention Deficit Disorder was so prevalent that health experts labeled it an epidemic. The percentage of children with autism saw a fivefold jump from 1980 to 2004, possibly caused by the mercury preservative thimerosal used in some vaccines. Mercury from pollution also appeared in such concentrations in tuna, swordfish, shark, snapper, roughy and grouper that advisories were issued to drastically cut back on eating them.

A San Francisco physician reported that nine out of 10 of her pregnant patients had mercury levels that exceeded Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) guidelines. Another report showed that more than an eighth of the four million babies born each year in the U.S. might have received harmful levels of mercury while in the womb, which could result in neurological damage, impaired brain function and learning disabilities.

That fit the Nurg plan, but how could human parents have looked at this and not been alarmed? Bush instead pursued policies that dumped still more mercury into the ecosystem, and ultimately into kids.

It just kept coming: An EPA study found that children were at 10 times greater risk from cancercausing chemicals than adults, while another study found American children had higher concentrations than adults of 12 chemicals and pesticides believed to be harmful to a child’s intelligence, memory, motor skills, behavior and immune systems.

A government study showed the arsenic-treated wood in children’s playground sets put them at risk of lung and bladder cancer. In 2003, the Bush administration had issued a rule change allowing more arsenic in drinking water, only backing off after a public outcry. Once in their second term—sorry, blame electronic voting—they simply reclassified arsenic as a vegetable.

In 2002, EPA scientists reported that a DuPont chemical, perfluorooctanoic acid, might cause developmental problems in children. The chemical, used in making Teflon, was found in non-stick cookware, stain-resistant carpets and the human bloodstream, where it was so persistent it took four years to flush just half of it out. Many U.S. children were nearing blood levels that caused developmental problems and death in lab rats.

In 2004, EPA staffers accused DuPont of having intentionally withheld research since March, 1981 showing birth defects and death in lab rats, as well as the fact that offspring of plant employees had rare birth defects. (DuPont had previously covered up the dangers of its lead gasoline additive for five decades.) The Bush administration took no action, redefining the term Teflon President.

They were also out to lunch after a 2003 study showed the chemical bisphenol A (BPA), common in food packaging, tooth sealants and other products, could cause miscarriages, severe genetic defects,

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Down Syndrome and other problems at levels humans were already exposed to.

University of Missouri reproductive toxicologist Frederick vom Saal said, ”It looks like someone shot the chromosomes with a shotgun. This is a stunning form of damage. It disrupts the cell that becomes your baby.” Defects in mice occurred at exposure levels below those considered “safe” for humans.

The chemical industry produced two billion pounds of BPA annually, and continued to.

In 2003, the White House opposed controlling the use of flame retardants known as PDBEs and deca BDE—banned in Europe and elsewhere—even after studies found the toxins were concentrating in humans and animals with breathtaking speed. In lab rats, the chemicals were certainly retardants, disrupting brain development, learning ability, memory, hearing and behavior of offspring, with hyperactivity being the least of the problems. One hundred million tons of the chemicals were used annually in computers, TVs and other common items, and American women and infants were showing “extremely elevated” concentrations—U.S. breast milk had from 10 to 70 times more PDBEs than European mothers had— near the levels damaging lab animals.

Even after a 2007 study of computer salvage workers in Chinese villages showed an 87 percent birth defect rate, President Bush refused to “blunt our competitive edge” by banning the substance.

Jesus, but it’s slow sledding poring over all this science, especially since none of it amounted to squat. Most of the reporting was buried deep in the news, elicited little outcry, no follow-up, and certainly no positive action from the White House.

Sometimes, Rooney would catch me crying, which tends to thin out the mucus more than they like.

“Don’t take it so hard,” he cooed. “You were bred and conditioned to believe some big all-father was looking out for you and your progeny. And your grand leader on earth was assuring you everything was hunky-dory, a-OK, tip-top and getting better. Do cheer up, and sift through this pile of clippings, would you?”

Dubya’s dubious non-majority ascension to the White House prompted him to assure Americans he was a “uniter,” who’d represent all of us.

What most of us wanted—81 percent of Americans according to a 2001 Gallup poll—was stronger environmental controls on industry, while another poll showed that only 11 percent of Americans thought the government imposed too much environmental regulation.

Instead, our photo-op “environmental president” oversaw the rollback or reversal of over 200 major environmental laws. His chief of staff, Andrew Card, had been the auto industry’s top lobbyist. The Deputy Secretary of the Department of the Interior had been head lobbyist for the coal industry. Agriculture’s

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Forest Service supervisor had been the chief lobbyist for the timber industry. Virtually every other appointment to environmental positions came from the polluting industries they were meant to police.

Bush’s campaign promise to curb carbon dioxide emissions was immediately abandoned, as was the US involvement and commitment to the Kyoto Treaty on global warming. In Bush’s EPA, fines collected from polluters dropped by one-half. The EPA’s two most senior enforcement officers resigned, saying they were not allowed to do their jobs. Bush also backed a bill to limit the public’s ability to sue polluters.

Superfund cleanups slowed by over 50 percent.

The Northwest Forest Plan was gutted, dropping protections for 304 sensitive species and opening forests to more logging. In 2003, the administration backed a rule that allowed more tailpipe emissions from vehicles, causing more smog. Republicans eliminated the tax credit for hybrid cars, while creating one for bigass SUVs. Automobile fuel efficiency hit its worst level in two decades. Washington also lowered efficiency standards for air conditioners and other energy-sapping devices.

In 2004, the administration moved to loosen restrictions on coal mining operations damaging to streams and waterways. They removed the Interior Department’s authority to veto mining permits for operations that would cause irreparable harm to the local environment. Reversing the 25-year policy, Bush allowed companies to sell properties contaminated with PCBs and other toxins.

Bush’s Interior Department became the first since the passage of the Endangered Species Act to not add a single species to the endangered list—except when forced to by courts—and instead used specious science to de-list species.

Habitat protections were also gutted. Meanwhile, the April, 2004 journal Nature reported that over 300 species of animals were on the brink of extinction, with urgent action needed to prevent their disappearing within a decade.

Lest you think this was a do-nothing administration, know that the Justice Department did take exceptional legal steps when Greenpeace alerted them that protected mahogany was being illegally shipped into the US. But, rather than enforce the law and go after those despoiling the rainforests, they prosecuted Greenpeace under an archaic 1872 statute.

In April, 2002, Greenpeace members had boarded a ship carrying the banned mahogany nearing Miami harbor and hung a banner from it reading, “President Bush: Stop Illegal Logging.” The members paid the usual fine for their civil disobedience, then the John Ashcroft Justice Department added the felony charge of “sailormongering,” using a law originally intended to keep prostitutes and saloonkeepers from luring sailors off ships. The law had lain unused since 1890, when a New York court had determined it was “inarticulate and obscure.” When the Greenpeace case came to trial in 2004, a judge

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tossed it out. Had the administration prevailed, Greenpeace would have lost its tax-exempt status.

Stifling people and ideas was a Bush White House specialty.

In February, 2004, more than 60 top scientists, including 20 Nobel laureates and advisors from previous Republican administrations, signed a 49-page letter complaining that the Bush administration distorted and suppressed science that disputed its policies. The letter stated, “across a broad range of policy areas, the administration has undermined the quality and independence of the scientific advisory system and the morale of the government’s outstanding scientific personnel.” Numerous examples of censorship, distortion and coercion were cited. A White House spokesman dismissed the claims.

By July, 2004, over 4,000 scientists had signed on to the letter, including 48 Nobel Prize winners and 127 members of the National Academy of Sciences.

A White House spokesman dismissed the claims.

There are dozens of clippings detailing administration attempts to censor science, alter findings and vet scientific panels to contain only ideologues who would tell the White House what it wanted to hear. A 12-year study of the Arctic was dumped.

Whistleblowers at nuclear facilities were fired.

Environmental documents having nothing to do with national security were classified.

Congress was often left in the dark. In 2004, Senator James Jeffords, who was just the chair of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, complained after 12 unmet requests for documents on Bush’s radical reinterpretation of the Clean Air Act that he was “stonewalled in getting information from the EPA.”

One afternoon Rooney came in with a stack of newspapers, exclaiming “Look at this!” as if he’d just discovered a mummy’s hand wrapped in the sports page. He held up the Dec. 17, 2003 Times Food section, bearing the headline: “Dweezil Makes a Brisket.”

“I think that is my new favorite sentence in the whole of human history,” he said. “Would you mind leafing through the rest of this for me? We’re looking for the best example of the synergy the government and industry shared in the Bush years. No rush.”

Okay, follow the bouncing ball: In 2001, as Bush assumed the presidency, California was enduring rolling blackouts in an energy crisis that had been escalating since the previous summer. Bush blamed the crisis on too much environmental regulation, and soon set about dismantling or sidestepping those regulations. He didn’t veer from this course one jot when the public learned the crisis had instead been manufactured by some of his largest contributors, including Enron’s “Kenny Boy” Lay, who’d manipulated the state’s Republican-deregulated energy market to fleece consumers of hundreds of millions of dollars. Some

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

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Bush’s EPA point man for weakening the rules, John Pemperton, the chief of staff for air pollution programs, was hired away by one of chief polluters, Southern Co., also a big Bush contributor.

Bush celebrated the rule change with a photo-op in front of a power plant, where he declared, “We simplified the rules. We made them easy to understand. We trust the people in this plant to make the right decisions.”

And it was easy to understand. That plant was now free to release 36,000 more tons of pollutants a year into the air. Mission accomplished.

Rooney gave me a break from our research this afternoon, taking me with him and his friends O’Malley and Flynn to see a Carrot Top holo-concert. I can almost understand the Nurg penchant for adopting Irish names, but their fascination with Carrot Top is beyond me. The holo-concert today is titled: Carrot Top: a Study in Nuance. Even when he was alive and the Nurg wardens walked

piss years of their lives away. The Nurg did live nearly forever, and had entire centuries in which to piss.

That was O’Malley and Flynn pretty much, and they also just were not nice. I think they resented that, as a warden, Rooney had lived here and seen Carrot Top live, and also that he was allowed to keep his own personal nose: me.

In a mood this night, O’Malley told me, “You know what your fellows down on the farm call noses like you? House-snifflers.”

From where they sit, I’d call me names too. The ones who still have their wits about them can’t enjoy living in pens, with nothing but TV and the sweltering heat and smog to occupy their days.

At the same time the Bush administration had been strafing its own supposed “state’s rights” position by arguing in the Supreme Court that only the lax Federal smog rules should apply; the same time the administration supported opening U.S. roads to heavily polluting Mexican diesel trucks, studies were

PHOTO: CHRIS KLEPONIS / ZUMA PRESS

of that money doubtless became part of the $48 million the energy industry gave to Republicans in the 2000 election cycle.

While California’s two senators couldn’t get the White House to return phone calls during the crisis, the same players who had gamed the state met with VP Dick Cheney on an energy task force to formulate the nation’s policy in secret, while environmental and public interest groups were shut out. One of the few memos leaked detailed a stratagem to use California’s energy crisis to justify unhindered oil drilling and rolled-back environmental standards.

The VPs office literally asked energy lobbyists for a “wish list” of policies they desired. The resulting plan included opening more land and offshore areas to drilling—including the Alaskan wilderness—curtailing wilderness and wildlife protections, easing pollution controls and handing out $20 billion in corporate welfare to the energy industry, causing Republican Senator John McCain to dub it the “No Lobbyist Left Behind” bill. This handout was in addition to $2.4 billion in tax breaks that the energy industry—already making record profits—and other Bush supporters received in a 2001 “economic stimulus package.”

The president also used California’s woes as an excuse to renege on his campaign promise to cut the nation’s carbon dioxide emissions, saying in a March 29, 2001 address: “Our economy has slowed down in a country... in our country. We also have an energy crisis, and the idea of placing caps on CO2 does not make economic sense for America.”

Instead, Bush went in the opposite direction, cutting the sinews of the Clean Air Act that Richard Nixon had signed into law in 1970. The act required polluting coal-fueled power plants to upgrade their pollution controls whenever they made major repairs or expansions of their facilities. Many companies had skirted doing that for decades. During the Clinton administration, the EPA had the Justice Department pursue the gross polluters, intending the potentially hefty fines as leverage to get the companies to finally comply with the law. Several of the firms had been on the verge of agreeing to that. Then Bush came into office, and the companies were given to understand that it was a whole new ballgame.

Despite new studies showing the plants’ emissions caused even greater health and environmental damage than previously thought—more acid rain, more mercury for everyone, more global warming— Bush had the Justice Department conduct an internal study to try to discredit the EPA lawsuits’ validity, which only confirmed that they were legal, warranted and winnable. Regardless, in November of 2003, he ordered the EPA to drop its cases against dozens of polluting coal-burning energy plants.

Bush proposed supplanting the Clean Air Act standards with his Clear Skies plan, which allowed, for example, 50 percent more sulfur dioxide emissions.

Even Congressional Republicans balked at the plan, perhaps because the National Academy of Sciences estimated the relaxed standards would result in 30,000 more premature U.S. deaths a year. So in March 2004 Bush sidestepped legislative action, instead reinterpreting the EPA rules. For the first time in the agency’s history, the research and input of its staff and federal advisory panel was entirely disregarded, with the rules instead adopting the wording of utility lobbyists. The trigger for requiring a plant to upgrade its pollution controls was set 266 times higher than the previous standard, effectively meaning that they’d never have to.

The man who will protect us, George W. Bush. among us holo-cloaked, they flocked to his shows, which explains why Carrot Top had audiences while no one you ever knew was there.

As far as I can tell, the Nurg have no culture of their own. Instead, they mine their host planets’.

According to Rooney, one reason why they time our species demise and the utter collapse of the planet’s ecosystem to about 300 years BD is they’ve usually become burned out on the culture by then and want to move on to the next one.

“It’s the only way to enjoy a culture,” Rooney tells me. “You know it’s finite, so there’s ample time to read Malroux and take in every scrumptious Louis Armstrong solo, Mahler symphony and Burns and Allen rerun, without the ack-ack of the new to distract you.”

Actually, outside of Rooney, who went both ways, I didn’t see many Nurg enjoying Mahler. They liked trash culture: Etruscan potty jokes, Chuck Norris movies, midriff-rock. It reminded me of the way human youths reveled in vacuous crap as if to show that death was so remote that they could afford to

coming out showing that children exposed to smog suffered lung damage for life.

As global warming caused record heat waves, hurricanes and fire, a 2004 study revealed that under Bush the disaster relief FEMA doled out wasn’t based on need but on an area’s “swing state” status in the upcoming elections.

In 2003, California’s Governor Davis asked FEMA for $430 million in emergency federal aid to help clear forests of trees killed by the drought and bark beetles, because experts predicted catastrophic fires. The Bush Administration sat on the request for six months, then turned it down as unnecessary the very day the fires broke out. Republican congresswoman Mary Bono declared, “FEMA’s decision was wrong… We knew this disaster was going to happen with certainty.”

The particles, gases and poison compounds in the smoke from the 740,000-acre record fires aggravated asthma and other respiratory illnesses, and caused lung and nasal irritation that led to many cases of sinusitis and pneumonia.

Bush’s response to the fires was to promote the Healthy Forests Restoration Act, which, again, ignored science, and granted the timber industry unchecked access to clear forests for profits instead of effective fire prevention.

People had assumed our oceans would be “the breadbaskets of the future,” but a 2003 study reported in the journal Nature found that larger fish such as tuna, swordfish, cod, halibut and flounder were down to 10 percent of their 1950s numbers, while 75 percent of food-fish populations were fished out to capacity, and on the way to extinction.

In 2004, even a panel of industry insiders handpicked by the Bush administration on the U.S. Commission on Ocean Policy issued a 450-page report that found over-fishing, pollution and poor regulation had created “dead zones” in the ocean and all-but destroyed fish populations in much of our coastal waters. The Bush administration boldly called for further study.

Meanwhile, an EPA report showed that hatcheryraised fish such as salmon contained such high concentrations of dioxin and other toxins that safe levels were exceeded at anything over half-a-serving per month.

The water the fish swam in fared no better. In 2003, the administration drafted a rule to narrow the scope of Clean Water Act, ending protection for 20 million acres of wetlands and 60 percent of the nation’s streams. U.S. waterways were already markedly more polluted after three years of Bush, reversing the trend since Nixon had signed the Clean Water Act. While the Bush administration was purportedly waging a war on terror, a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reporter found that all of the 60 major chemical storage sites he visited had such lax security that he or any terrorist could easily access tanks of toxic chemicals. If terrorists blew a tank at any of these facilities, hundreds of thousands of Americans could be injured or killed. Months later 60 Minutes did a follow-up, where they had equal ease sneaking into these plants. The Bush administration never required these plants to beef up security. Too much burden on business, you know.

Even at 9/11’s Ground Zero, the government had misled the public. An EPA report that cited health concerns for New Yorkers from the unprecedented combinations of burning chemicals, concrete dust, asbestos and other toxins that hovered in the air, was ordered changed by the White House before it was released, to instead announce a week after 9/11 that the air was safe to breathe. The administration was later reported to be anxious for Wall Street to reopen without delay.

But global warming was the real dying elephant in the Bush administration sitting room. They ignored scientific evidence. They ignored anecdotal evidence. Meanwhile each year from the 1990s onward was among the world’s hottest.

Remember Rooney’s drought-mad kangaroos? In the early 2000s, much of Australia sweltered under record 122-degree temperatures, which also brought hundreds of brush fires, tree-uprooting winds and other Bible-grade maladies. Indonesia endured much the same, with fires that sent smoke around the world. Much of Asia was underwater in the monsoon season. In 2004, scientists from 14 laboratories reported in Nature that they expected over a third of the 1,103 species they were studying to have vanished by 2050 due to global warming.

All this would have been

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I asked Rooney if he thought it was fair that the Nurg had made humanity their snot piñata.

“Your Goethe had it right: ‘Life is the disease of matter,’” he said. “After you’ve thought all the great thoughts and unlocked the universe’s secrets, what’s really left except smacked-out superfood and Carrot Top until the end of time? At least your people served a purpose.

“And what if you didn’t have the Nurg to blame for your killing the planet? What if you’d brought all this woe on yourselves, and had no one but yourselves to blame for your George W. Bush? Believe me, you’re better off.”

Rooney figures our What Went Wrong research is pretty much finished, decades ahead of schedule, and I have a new assignment to fill the days until I expire: to see if I can find a headline he enjoys more than “Dweezil Makes a Brisket.” MTW

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Nurgific if the eco-cide had occurred over a couple of decades. That’s what was meant to happen, giving the chemical and bio-science industries time to do their part. Bush hastened their progress as well, but some things take time.

In 2004, the Leavitt EPA ignored its own studies on formaldehyde use in plywood plants, as well as a World Health Organization study finding formaldehyde more carcinogenic than previously thought, and let industry lobbyists write new standards, 10,000 times less stringent than the old ones.

As Bush had with the energy industry, he announced an “innovative” plan to have the government step aside and let chemical companies police themselves. There was no mention of their miserable record to date.

One company included was the manufacturer of atrazine, America’s most common weedkiller, to the tune of 75 million pounds a year. Already linked to prostate cancer, in 2002 it was found to cause male frogs to develop female attributes, throwing hormonal switches that turned testosterone production to estrogen. Amounts 30 times lower than the EPA allowed caused “gross malformations” in frogs, while the U.S. Geological Survey had found concentrations up to 100 times higher than the EPA limits in our drinking water. Atrazine had been banned for years in much of Europe, while America’s only protection was the manufacturer blowing the whistle on itself.

Rooney told me that atrazine began life as a Nurg

whisper. In 2003, University of Missouri reproductive epidemiologist Shanna Swan noticed why: It and other pesticides and herbicides commonly used on U.S. crops caused defective sperm and low sperm counts in men. Men exposed to the chemicals via drinking water were 30 times as likely to have defective sperm. Swan reported that men in rural areas averaged as much as 44 percent less sperm than urban men, while Danish researchers have concluded that man today average half the sperm count men did 50 years ago.

It was the Nurg idea to have the human race die off from attrition not long after they were done with us. With global warming acting like a self-cleaning oven, they figured they might eventually return and raise a new nasal crop here.

GMOs were the last part of the pattern. Despite some cautionary mistakes in the early days of genetic modification—like Star-Link corn, GMO canola and bio-pharm crops that had proved uncontainable—Bush saw no need to apply the brakes.

The drought-resistant corn and sorghum, along with a bio-pharm corn variety intended to yield an anti-skin cancer medicine, spread like crazy in the newly-equatorialized climate, jumped species lines and created the universal allergen. The Nurg had to occupy decades ahead of schedule, because on other planets the discomfiture of total nasal congestion had led to total global war.

It was a relief on many levels when they took over. Under Bush, over 2.6 million Americans a year lost their health coverage. The Centers for Disease Control had been drastically underfunded— Republican Senator Arlen Specter had griped, “The administration came in this year with a budget proposal that’s essentially an abandonment”—and people had nowhere to turn, between the nasal congestion and the advent of Really Mad Cow disease.

The Indian casinos had taken up some of the slack by offering jackpots of prescription medications instead of money.

In 2005, Bush even privatized the weather. As global warming’s climatic upheaval increased, they sold off the naming rights to natural disasters, so Tropical Storm Staples was followed by Hurricane Pepsi.

The south was a flooded swamp. The entire northeast needed a sneeze-guard. The west was only good for charcoal. In 2009 President Nader—by then no one else wanted the job—bowed to the inevitable and handed the Nurg a ceremonial key to the planet. They received it in the spirit of zonked bemusement that guided all their doings.

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The summer of 2003 was Europe’s hottest in 500 years, and thousands died in the heat. In October of that year, a NASA satellite study showed temperatures at the Earth’s poles to be warming at twodegrees per decade. Temperatures had been rising over the previous 100 years, but were now rising eight times faster. The Arctic’s largest ice shelf broke apart, and the ice was disappearing at nine percent per decade.

In a report by two-dozen respected scientists in the November, 2002 journal Climactic Change, the consensus was that “global warming will have a devastating effect on the available water in the Western United States.”

The years-long drought, vanishing icepack and blind dearth of conservation efforts from us resulted in total collapse. Bureaucrats couldn’t argue about water allocation anymore, because there wasn’t any.

Desperation such as America had never seen consumed the western states. Without drought-resistant GMO corn and sorghum strains rushed to market, starvation would have been rampant. Forests were dying faster than the fires could consume them.

Bush called environmentalists “greenie-weenies” or something, and was dismissive of the science behind global warming theory. What little disagreement there was among the best and the majority of them was only as to what degree of horrid the consequences would be.

In 2003 White House staffers so heavily rewrote and gutted a section on global warming in the EPA’s annual report that EPA head Christie Whitman deleted it entirely rather than print what she called “pablum.”

Whitman quit the EPA shortly thereafter. Bush picked former Utah Governor Mike Leavitt to replace her. According to the Salt Lake Tribune, a significant chunk of his past campaign contributions had come from corporations with outstanding EPA violations.

As governor, Leavitt’s state had the second-worst environmental record in the nation. The first had been Texas under Bush.

13

ONO KINEGRINDS

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

The Plumeria Terrace

‘The John Holmes of Hot Dogs’

Kapalua Bay Hotel, 669-5656. Open 11 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. daily. $$

Grab one at the Plumeria Terrace Restaurant in the Kapalua Bay Hotel We love hot dogs. It’s an American standard at ball games and parks, street carts and when we go on Costco runs. The foundation of hot dogs—that would be sausage—has been around for a long time, at least for 3,000 years, having been referenced in Homer’s epic Odyssey, written around 800 B.C. Most reports claim the hot dog, or frankfurter, came from Frankfurt, Germany around 1487. But it also could have come from Vienna (Wien), as people claim the term “wiener” actually references the Austrian city. Whatever the case, German immigrants began bringing over their form of dachshund—“little dog”—sausages to America in the late 1800s. The hot dog quickly became popular because it was cheap, convenient and easy to eat.

Easy to eat? Hmm… Recently, a friend told us about the Plumeria Terrace’s special hot dog. She described it as an enormous beef hot dog—even calling it “the John Holmes of hot dogs” and that children should not be at the table when it is served.

Happy Hour Daily From 2-5 PM

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A female server seated us and handed us menus. When we asked her for recommendations, she was quick to respond and enthusiastic about the beef.

“We have the best hot dog ever,” she said, eyes growing wide. “It’s humongous!”

We accepted the suggestion and ordered three. We were hungry. But when our lunch arrived, we were overwhelmed.

“Holy —— Balls!” said K. “It’s the biggest hot dog I’ve ever seen!”

“I’m titillated with anticipation,” said J. “I can’t wait to spread my creamy mayo all over it. It’s too big to wrap my mouth around and my bun’s separated, there’s so much beef!”

Giggling, we went for it but were disappointed to find we could really only handle about six inches.

“It’s obscene,” our guy friend C told us later.

“I don’t like anyone ordering it around me. It makes me feel inadequate.”

C apparently has no problem with the rest of the menu. The Plumeria Terrace also features starters like Caesar ($9) or Cobb Salad ($14), Buffalo Wings ($8), Shrimp Quesadilla ($12) or their Pupu Platter ($16 for two people), which features guava BBQ beef skewers, crispy vegetable spring rolls and sugar cane shrimp sticks.

GIGGLING, WE WENT FOR IT BUT WERE DISAPPOINTED TO FIND WE COULD REALLY ONLY HANDLE ABOUT SIX INCHES. Let’s beef frank about this—size does matter.

Especially when it comes to sausage. My two girlfriends and I had to size it up for ourselves.

Amidst the serene, seacliff landscape of the Kapalua Bay Hotel and the rock waterfalls and butterfly-shaped pool of the Plumeria Terrace Restaurant lies the home of a half-pound, foot-long wiener. It rests on a bed made of a 12-inch bun, accompanied by seasoned fries and a pineapple garnish.

Its name: Jumbo Frank. Cost: Nine dollars.

Two bucks more for cheese.

Their daytime entrees cover all your lunch favorites, from gourmet Club ($13) or Mahi ($16) sandwiches to nachos ($12) and pizza ($12), as well as the half-pound, certified Angus beef burger with cheese and mushrooms ($12).

We couldn’t get around to it, but Plumeria Terrace also has assorted ice cream and sorbet ($5), a double chocolate cake with fudge called Chocolate Loving Spoonful ($9), Crème brulee cheesecake ($10) and Kula Lime Pie ($9).

But by all means, do try their all-beef, halfpound Jumbo Frank—it’s a wiener. MTW

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DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

CENTRAL MAUI Ale House - Wide selection of food with sports and games all around. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877–9001. $ Aloha Grill - A large assortment of burgers with veggie styles and all the extras. Dairy Road Marketplace, Kahului, 893–0263. $ Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Plus, a large variety of tapioca. 270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-2400. $ Bangkok Cuisine - Casual setting featuring exceptional Thai food with plenty of crisp vegetables and fresh seafood. Lunch, dinner or takeout. 395 Dairy Road, Kahului, 893-0026. $ Biwon Restaurant - Fresh and flavorful, authentic Korean food. Open 10 a.m.-10 p.m., lunch and dinner. 752 Lower Main, Wailuku, 244-7788. $ Café Marc Aurel - Offers an elegantly casual menu, including Gourmet Cheeses, Dolmas, Tzaiki and an extensive By-The-Glass wine list.

28 N. Market Street, Wailuku near the Iao Theatre. 244-0852. $$ Cupie’s Drive-In - Local lunch take-out. Open Monday through Saturday. 134 W Kamehameha Ave, Kahului, 877-3055. $ Curry in a Hurry - Curry dishes that are delightful and delicious in alternative vegetarian eating. 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-3328. $ Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian food. Plate lunches, steak plates and amazing chicken katsu. Very casual; sit and eat or get your food to go. 425 Koloa St., Kahului, 871-7782. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours, serving breakfast, lunch or dinner. Omelettes, burgers, salads. 430 Kele St., Kahului, 873-5550. $ Dragon Dragon Chinese Restaurant Excellent service and fair prices with dishes like Kung Pao Chicken, Crispy Gau Gee Mein and Honey Walnut Prawns. Maui Mall, Kahului, 893-1628. $ Dish - The concept is simple. Every month, the owner and manager decide on a different “menu” of 14 entrees, of which you may select 12 to assemble in their kitchen. Sessions available WedSat. 150 Hana Highway, Kahului, 877-1414. $$ Dunes Restaurant - Adventuresome revisions of local and American breakfast, lunch and dinner favorites. Maui Lani Golf Course, Kahului, 877–7461. $$ Fiesta Time - Quality Mexican taqueria. Order a la carte or combo special with the freshest ingredients. 1132 Lower Main, Wailuku, 249-8463. $ Gardencafe (Brigit & Bernard's) - Oasis of cozy European and fresh island fish cuisine in the midst of the industrial zone. Lunch, dinner, catering. 335 Ho'ohana St., Kahului, 877-6000. $$ Ichiban Restaurant and Sushi Bar Breakfast, lunch and dinner featuring modestly priced Japanese and local cuisine. Kahului Shopping Center, 871–6977. $$ International House of Pancakes - (IHOP)Open for breakfast, specialty pancakes, sandwiches, along with lunch and dinner entrees.

Maui Mall, Kahului, 871-4000. $

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Little Ceasar Pizza Station - Specialty pizzas along with salads and sandwiches. Located inside of K-mart.

424 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1566. $ Koho Grill & Bar - Comfort food in a casual setting.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner Open daily at 7 a.m. 275 Kaahumanu Ave., Queen Kaahumanu Center, 8775588.

Kozo Sushi - Fast food take out. Open 9 a.m to 7 p.m. Mon through Sat. Sushi platters available. 52 Market Place, Kahului, 243-5696. $ Krispy Kreme - This corporation is known all over the world for its tasty glazed doughnuts. 433 Kele St., Kahului, 893-0883. $ Manaña Garage - Latin American cuisine with unique and colorful decor. Try the Chicken Tortilla Epozote, vegetarian enchilada and paella. Cool, quaint bar. 33 Lono St., Kahului, 873–0220. $$ Marco’s Grill Deli - A lavish and beautiful setting complements the hearty Italian food and excellent wines. 444 Hana Hwy, Kahului, 877-4486. $$ Maui Coffee Roasters - Ono grinds and freshly roasted coffee in a fun and casual atmosphere makes this the place to “take five.” 444 Hana Hwy, Kahului, 877–CUPS. $ Maui Beach Hotel - Buffet-style restaurant featuring different foods each night of the week. Features range from Shabu Shabu (tons of meat) to sushi and Japanese.

170 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului, 877-0051. $$ Maui Mix Plate - Traditional foods of the varied ethnic groups who call Hawaii home. 70 Ka’ahumanu Ave, Kahului, 877-0706. $ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and island spices. 275 Kaahumanu Ave, Queen Kaahumanu Mall, Kahului, 871-7726. $ Mike’s Restaurant - Authentic Chinese cooking and ono local grinds. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Also offer catering. 1900 Main St., Wailuku, 244-7888. $ Piñata’s - Fresh and wholesome Mexican food from the kitchen sink burritos to quesadillas a la carte.

Casual dining, various piñatas available too. 395 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877–8707. $ Pulehu BBQ - Local plate lunch with a Southern smokehouse twist. 1500 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 244-4049 or 244-6159. $ Ruby’s - Walk down memory lane at this fabulous ‘50s cafe. Quintessential American dining morning to night.

Queen Ka`ahumanu Center, Kahului, 248-7829. $ Saeng’s Thai Cuisine - Vegetarian, meat and seafood Thai entrees in a casual garden setting. 2119 Vineyard, Wailuku, 244-1567. $$ Saigon Cafe - Wailuku’s hidden secret! Delicious and affordable Vietnamese cuisine with excellent service.

1792 Main, Wailuku, 243-9560. $$ Sam Sushi - Located inside Wow-Wee Cafe with over 20 years of experience in the food industry.

Catering and party trays available. 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 873-6400. $ Sandalwood Golf Course Restaurant - Lunch with a view, served from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 2500 Honoapiilani Hwy, Waikapu, 242-6000. $$ Sheik’s Restaurant - Local favorites including Loco Moco and Shoyu Chicken. 97 Wakea Ave, Kahului, 877-0121. $

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Siu’s Chinese Kitchen - Fast food Chinese with daily specials. All entrees are served with rice or noodles. 70 E Kaaumanu Ave., Maui Mall, 871-0828. $ Squeaky’s Family Restaurant - “A Taste of Philadelphia” with real Philly cheesesteak, pan fried trout, vegetarian meatloaf. Open for breakfast. 197 North Market Street, Wailuku, 244-4100. $ Stillwell’s Bakery & Cafe - Specialty cakes and desserts, breads and pastries, with sandwiches, salads and soups for lunch. Open 6 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon-Sat. 1740 Kaahumanu Ave, Wailuku, 243-2243. $ Sushi Go - Presents a concept unlike anything we’ve seen on Maui, conveyor-belt sushi. Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744. $ Sub Paradise - Maui’s famous subs since 1990.

Coffee, an extensstive list of breakfast bagels, sub Sandwiches, and salads. Open M-F 7 - p.m Sat 7-5pm, Sun 7-4pm 395 E. Dairy Rd, 877-8779.

Takamiya Market - Plate lunches, homemade cornbeef, sashimi, tossed salads. Catering and banquet facility. Happy Valley, Wailuku, 244-3404. $ Tasty Crust - Local style cuisine for breakfast (try their famous hotcakes!), lunch and dinner. Serving Maui since 1944. 1770 Mill, Wailuku, 244-0845. $ Tiffany’s - Featuring 103 items of local and Asian entrees, Bento boxes, noodles and fish. Featuring DJ and Karaoke, open 10:30-2 a.m. 1424 Lower Main St. Wailuku 249-0052. $ Tin Ying Chinese Restaurant - A Hong Kong style Chinese seafood restaurant. They have over 100 menu choices at reasonable prices. Buffet style lunch takeout, as well as sit down dining. 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 242-4371. $ Tokyo Tei - Lunch and dinner featuring teriyaki beef and fish, tempura, katsu, saimin and more. 1063 E. Lower Main St., Wailuku, 242-9630. $ Valley Isle Seafood - Known for their luau stew, along with several choices of seafood. 475 Hukilike St., Kahului, 873-4847. $ Wei Wei BBQ & Noodle House - Very affordable Chinese cuisine, counter-service, delicious noodle dishes. 210 Imikala St., Wailuku, 242-7928. $ Wow-Wee Maui Cafe - Unique candy bars, ice cream shakes, bagels, coffees, sandwiches and soups.

Also a Hawaiian menu, kava kava, sushi and oxygen bars. 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1414. $

SOUTH MAUI Alexander’s Fish & Chips - Affordable take-out seafood, chicken, ribs—all fried deep tempura style or grilled. 1913 S Kihei Rd., 874-0788. $ Antonio’s - Italian cuisine in a cozy atmosphere, extensive wine list and friendly service. Try their homemade Tiramisu! 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8800. $$ Aroma D’Italia Ristorante - Southern Italian cuisine and full wine list at reasonable prices. Open MonSat, 5-9 p.m. 1881 S Kihei Rd., 879-0133. $$ Ashley’s South Shore Cafe - Affordable breakfast, lunch and dinner, with burgers, local plates, fresh island fish, comfort foods, deli sandwiches. 362 Hukulii Pl. (behind Tesoro gas station), Kihei, 874-8600. $ BadaBing! - Home of the Rat Pack Bar. Pizzas, pastas or Italian specialties created with love and a little attitude. $10 wines and kids eat free on Monday and Saturday! Fuhgeddaboudit! 1945 S Kihei Rd., 875–0188. $$

Big Wave Cafe - Small cafe serving Pacific Rim cuisine, including lobster and sweet corn fritter with furikake tartar sauce, and coconut shrimp with fruit salsa and ginger lilikoi sauce. Open daily. 1215 S Kihei Rd., 891-8688. $ Bistro Molokini - Blend of California and island cuisine, lunch and dinner. Poolside. Grand Wailea, 8751234. $$ Bocalino Bistro & Bar - Affordably priced Mediterranean cuisine. Open for dinner, late night menu served until 1 a.m. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-9299. $$ Blue Marlin Harbor Front Grill & Bar - Get amazing seafood, steaks and sandwiches; everything from pizza to sushi. Eat outdoors overlooking the Ma’alaea Fishing Fleet. Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-8844. $$ Buzz’s Warf - Steaks, seafood and more, including Sweet Paradise Prawns. Reservations recommended.

Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-5426. $$ Cafe Kiowai - Authentic Japanese fare according to centuries-old tradition. Casual dining in a relaxed garden setting. 5400 Makena Alanui, Maui Prince Hotel, 874--1111.$$ Caffe Ciao - Italian cuisine baked in a Kiawe wood oven. Open for lunch and dinner. Dine outdoors poolside. The Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 875-4100. $$ Capische? - Contemporary Italian with a twist and an extensive wine list. Commanding ocean views from every table. Wailea Diamond Resort, 879–2224. $$$ Cafe Del Sol - Open for breakfast and lunch. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sandwiches and fresh fish, daily special. 3620 Baldwin Ave, Makowa 572-4877. $ Cevoli’s Motorcycle Cafe - A bistro with pizza, pasta, ribs, fresh island fish, deli sandwiches, nightly entrees.

1280 S Kihei Rd. Azeka Plaza, 874-8377. $ Cyberbean Internet Cafe - Gourmet coffee, espressos, cappucinos, lattes, sandwiches, smoothies and salads. 1881 S Kihei, 879-4799. $

Ashley’s CAFE Now Fish & Chips $ BYOB 7.95

MON-SAT 7AM-8PM, SUN 8AM-2PM

362 Hukulii Pl. • 874-8600

South Maui’s Best Oceanviews!

Southern Style Cuisine

“A Taste of the South with a Tropical Flair”

Happy Hour

4-6 Tues-Sun

1/2 OFF All Drinks & Entire Pupu Menu

Live Jazz & Dancing Yorman William & All That Jazz featuring Curt Lee - Sun

OPEN FOR BREAKFAST @ 7:00AM

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

15

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian food. Plate lunches, steak plates and amazing chicken katsu. Very casual; sit and eat or get your food to go. 2439 S Kihei Rd., 875-7782. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours for breakfast, lunch or dinner with omelets, burgers, salads. 2763 S. Kihei Rd., 879-8600.

Fernando’s - Authentic Mexican food. Open 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily. 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei, 879-9952. $ Ferraro’s - Gourmet Italian cuisine oceanfront with live violin and guitar, outdoor kiawe-wood-burning oven, all-day lunches and cucina rustica dinners.

Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$ Five Palms Restaurant - Local produce and fish featured in Pacific Rim seafood. Breakfast, lunch, pupus and dinner. Open 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

2960 S. Kihei Rd., 879–2607. $$ Harry’s Sushi Bar - Japanese cuisine with fresh and delicious sushi, open 5 p.m.-12 a.m.

100 Ike Drive, Wailea, 879-7677. $$ Horhitos Mexican Cantina - Burritos, salads, appetizer and “food for gringos,” too!

Located next to Hapa’s Nightclub. Open 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. Mon.-Sat. Lipoa St., Kihei, 891-MEXI. $ Hula Moon - Enjoy breakfast, lunch, dinner or a champagne Sunday brunch with an open air tropical setting and spectacular ocean views.

Featuring fresh Hawaiian fish. 3700 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 874-7831. $$$

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a -Hawaiian and Polynesian cuisine oceanside. Grand Wailea Resort, 875-1234 ext. 4900. $$$ Jawz Tacos - Island-style tacos and burritos, including choice of vegetarian, mahi mahi, ono, shrimp, chicken or steak. Impressive salsa bar and the taco salads are da bomb! 1280 S Kihei Rd., 874-TACO. $ Joy’s Place - “Smart eating” featuring organic foods which are low fat, low salt and wheat free. Open Mon thru Sat, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. 1993 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9258. $ Kai Ku Ono - A tapas-style menu, where everything is a la carte, special late night menu and sushi. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with bar and lounge area.

2511 S Kihei Rd., 875–1007. $$ Kihei Caffe - Affordable breakfast and lunch with lanai seating, hearty portions, tasty sandwiches, huli chicken and fresh fish. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., 879-2230. $ Life’s a Beach - Food and drinks in a fun atmosphere.

Best Mex, nachos, burritos, prime rib and grilled mahimahi are just some of the specialties. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., 891–8010. $ Lobster Cove - Seafood, steak, lobster at its best in a relaxed and casual atmosphere. Open 5 p.m. to midnight daily. 100 Ike Dr., Wailea, 879–7677. $$$ Longhi’s Wailea - Seafood, meat and pasta entrees with many not listed on the menu. Ask the server for details. 3750 Wailea Alanui Dr., 891–8883. $$$ LuLu’s - Ribs, burgers, chicken wings, Black ‘n Blue Ahi and more in a fun, upbeat tiki-fied atmosphere with a huge

Burritos! Nachos! Salsa Bar!

Island Fish Tacos Grilled Steak, Chicken Vegetarian 95 Nothing Over $6.

MAUI Lahaina Square, Lahaina • 661-8883 Kamaole Beach Center, Kihei • 879-5005 Napili Plaza, Napili • 665-0222 Kaahumanu Center, Kahului • 871-7726 BIG ISLAND Prince Kuhio Plaza, Hilo • 959-0359 OAHU Mililani Shopping Center, Mililani • 623-9405 Kailua Village Shops, Kailua • 261-4155

bar and open-air deck. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944. $ Ma`alaea Grill - Reasonably priced fine dining overlooking the harbor from the Maui Ocean Center.

Ma`alaea Harbor Village, 243–2206. $$ Ma’alaea Waterfront Restaurant - Seafood and Continental cuisine. Open for dinner daily from 5 p.m.

Milowai Condominium, 50 Hauoli St., 244-9028. $$ Marco’s South Side Grill - A lavish and beautiful setting complements the hearty Italian food and excellent wines. 1445 S Kihei Rd., 874–4041. $$ Maui Espresso & Shave Ice - Finest Hawaiian shave ice, a full service coffee kiosk, fruit smoothies, shakes. 2439 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0414. $ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and spices from the Islands. 2411 S. Kihei Road, Kamaole Beach Center, 879-5005. $ Mulligan’s On the Blue - Maui’s authentic Irish pub, plenty o’Irish food, whiskey and beer. Breakfast is served till 3 p.m 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874–1131. $ Nick’s Fishmarket - Fine dining in open air and elegance with amazing seafood dishes and fresh fish preparations. Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 879–7224. $$$ Pita Paradise - Good food, fast. Serving up a mean Mediterranean-style “gyro,” salads and wraps, with outdoor lanai. Kihei Kalama Village Center, 875–7679. $ Royal Thai Cuisine - Thai food with a large selection of vegetarian dishes. Open for lunch (Mon-Fri) and dinner (nightly). 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0813. $ Roy’s Bar & Grill - Mouth-watering Hawaiian fusion entrees in a spacious and upbeat atmosphere. Open nightly from 5:30 to 10 p.m. Fine dining, reservations recommended. Piilani Shopping Center, 303 Piikea Ave., Kihei, 891-1120. $$$ Sansei Restaurant - Japanese-based Pacific Rim dining, sushi bar and late night menu. Award-winning cuisine, early bird and late night special. 1881 S. Kihei Rd., 879–0004. $$ K Sarento’s on the Beach - Contemporary dining near the water’s edge. Italian cuisine, very romantic.

Private VIP table available. 2980 S. Kihei Rd., 875–7555. $$$ Seawatch - Hawaii regional cuisine utilizing the freshest island fish and produce. Open for breakfast and lunch 8 a.m to 3 p.m, dinner 5:30 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Drive, Wailea, 875-8080. $$ Shabu Shabu Toji - Healthy and delicious Japanese style fondue. Beef, Pork, or Seafood, and veggies.

Open for lunch Wed-Fri; dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m. nightly.

1280 S. Kihei Rd. #120, 875-8366. $ Spago - Gourmet cuisine as presented by world-famous chef-owner Wolfgang Puck, oceanfront dining at its finest! Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$ Spices - Steak, seafood and more! Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8860. $$$ Stella Blues Cafe - Healthy, quality food in a casual, homestyle setting. Breakfast, lunch and dinner with daily specials. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-3779. $$ South Shore Tiki Lounge - Sausage sandwiches, even chicken or turkey, killer burgers and healthy vegetarian stuff. Sip a beer or margarita outside on the lanai.

1913 S. Kihei Rd., 874–6444. $ Sports Page Bar & Grill - Over 100 menu items, including 1/2 lb burgers and deli sandwhiches with 24

T.V.’s, and a full bar. Open 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd, 879-0602. $ Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Cafe - Relaxed island luxury in ambience and cuisine, with ocean views and live music. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983. $$ Tony Roma’s - Famous for ribs, barbequed chicken and onion ring loaf, along with daily special. 1819 S. Kihei Road, 875-1104. $$ Vietnamese Cuisine - Hawaiian Opakapaka filet, soft shell crab, New York steak. Open 10:30 a.m-9:30 p.m. Azeka Place I, Kihei, 875-2088. $$ Yorman’s By The Sea - Southern Pacific Cusine with a blend of Louisiana Cajin, and tropical flare. Open 5-10 pm. Music nightly. 760 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei 8748385. $$ K

UPCOUNTRY Anthony’s Coffee Company - A full espresso bar, hot and cold sandwiches, ice cream. Make sure to stop in for a great box lunch to go! 90 Hana Hwy, Paia, 5798340. $ Aha’Aina - Ocean front dinning Featuring a delicious chili pork burrito and a large variety of omelets. Island fish, chicken Katsu. Open for breakfast and Lunch only Tues - Sat 7a.m. - 2 p.m. Sun 7 a.m. -1 p.m. 7 Aewa Place, Pukalani, 572-2395. $$ Café 808 - Local diner style serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Open daily from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. 4566 Lower Kula Rd., Kula, 878-6874. $ Cafe O’Lei - Featuring light and healthy yet hearty gourmet lunch, delicious salads, focaccia sandwiches. 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Makawao Paniolo Courtyard, 573-9065. $$ Café Des Amis - Charming cafe with delicious sweet and savory crepes and Mediterranean fare. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323. $ Café Mambo - International bistro featuring Mediterranean and Mexican cuisine with Moorish influences. 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8021. $ Cakewalk Paia Bakery - High quality baked goods, sandwiches and specialty cakes. 2 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8770. $ Casanova - First class service, first class food. Fine Italian dining at night and Makawao’s favorite deli by day. 1188 Makawao Ave., 572–0220. $$ Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon - Hankering for some grub? Charley’s serves it hearty and healthy from breakfast to dinner and beyond. 142 Hana Hwy., Pa`ia, 579–9453. $ K Colleen’s - 1940’s style city bistro atmosphere serving breakfast, lunch and dinner from 6 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. daily. Haiku Cannery, 575-9211. $$ Fresh Mint - Vietnamese vegetarian cuisine including Summer Rolls, Spicy Lemongrass Soup and Soy Fish in Clay Pot. Open daily 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Catering and takeout available. 115 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9144. $$ Hali`imaile General Store - Gourmet dining in a charming atmosphere. Chef Beverly Gannon’s awardwinning menu. 900 Hali`imaile Rd, 572–2666. $ Hana Hou Cafe - Hawaiian homestyle cooking with aloha-filled ambience and local musicians. 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery, 575-2661. $ Island Tacos - Taco stand with fresh, made-to-order fish, beef, and chicken tacos. Daily from 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery. $ Jacque’s Northshore Bistro - Tropical yet festive

Seafood + Pasta = Fuhgeddaboudit!

NEW

H LUNNC !

U ME

www.mauitacoscookbook.com Email: eatmaui@maui.net www.mauitacos.com

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

BOOK YOUR

HOLIDAY PART Y HERE!

Italian Restaurant

Kihei Kalama Village 1945 S. Kihei Road • 875–0188 Open Every Day For Lunch & Dinner Noon to 10 PM

16

OCTOBER 21, 2004

DINING

DININGLISTINGS atmosphere, with a sushi bar, indoor and lanai dining. 120 Hana Hwy, Pa`ia, 579–8844. $$ Jameson’s Grill & Bar - Featuring fine steaks, fresh local fish and seafood, and of course, baked artichoke. 200 Kapalua Dr., Kapalua, 669-5653. $$$ Kimura Saimin Shop - Casual atmosphere, simple, affordable menu with fresh ingredients done right! 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery, 575-5228. $ Kitada’s - Saimin for breakfast is a standard.

Teriyaki beef, hamburger steak, tofu and teriyaki all available. 3617 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572–7241. $ Kula Lodge & Restaurant - Upcountry’s family-style restaurant with sweeping views of the island. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Haleakala Highway, 878-1535. $ La Provence - French-style bistro and patisserie with lanai, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Open Wed thru Sun, 8:30 a.m. to 9 p.m.

3158 Lower Kula Rd., 878-1313. $$ Livewire Cafe - Gourmet desserts, coffee drinks, smoothies. Open 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sun thru Thu; 6 a.m. to midnight Fri and Sat. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009. $ Lynne’s Cafe - Affordable homestyle local food including breakfast, plate lunch, chow fun and more! Catering available. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-9363. $ Makawao Steak House - Classic and comfortable menu with daily fish preparations and salad bar. 3612 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 5728711. $$ Mama’s Fish House - Fresh island fish with fresh local ingredients at “Maui’s favorite restaurant.” 799 Poho Pl., Kuau, 579–8448. $$$ Maui’s Best Tamales & Local Food Authentic, fresh and tasty Mexican cuisine along with local favorites. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani Square, 573-2998. $ Milagros Food Co. - South American cuisine with an island influence. Best people watching spot in Pa`ia! Extensive tequila menu and delicious daily special. 3 Baldwin St., Paia, 579–8755. $ Moana Bakery & Cafe - Pacific Rim dining for vegetarians and meat eaters. Bakery provides wonderful goodies for the sweet tooth. 71 Baldwin Ave., Pa`ia, 579–9999. $ Pa`ia Fish Market - By serving fresh local

Hawaiian fish daily, they are the hot spot for seafood lovers without the upscale pocket. 100 Hana Hwy., Pa`ia, 579–8030. $ Polli’s Mexican Restaurant - Paniolo country’s premier Mexican cantina, with nachos, burritos, ensaladas and more! 1202 Makawao Ave., 572-7808. $ SandBar & Grill - Casual contemporary island cuisine, featuring salads, kiawe grill burgers, sandwiches and lobster tacos. Full bar, happy hour everyday 4-6 p.m. Open daily from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. 89 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-8742. $ Vasi Gourmet - The best cakes and patries around, along with delicious salads, quiches and Gyro’s with a variety of teas. open 7 a.m.-8 p.m. 810 Kokomo Road, Haiku Market Place. 575-9588. $ Veg Out - Vegan and vegetarian food, from Mexican, Italian and Far East influences. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-5320. $

Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar Late Night Specials 10pm to 1am – 21 & over with I.D.

WEST MAUI

50% OFF SUSHI & APPETIZERS

A&J Kitchen, Deli & Bakery - Choose from American, Hawaiian, Korean and Chinese cuisines.

Bakery with cakes and cookies. Lahaina Center, 667–0623. $ Alexander’s Fish & Chips - Seafood, chicken, ribs, fried deep tempura style or grilled. Great food great prices. 844 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 667-9009. $ Aloha Mixed Plate - Experience the traditional foods of the varied ethnic groups who call Hawaii home. 285 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3322. $ Athens Greek Restaurant - Affordable and authentic gyros, shish kebab, falafel and more! Ya’Sou! Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-4300. $ The Bakery - Fresh baked breads and pastries. Soup and sandwiches available. 991 Limahana Pl., Lahaina, 667-9062. $ Ba-Le - French Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Wide variety of tapioca.

Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-5566. $ Bamboo Bar & Grill - Vietnamese, Thai and Japanese sushi. Delivery available, great daily special.

Open late with full bar, pool tables. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4051. $ K Banyan Tree - “Eclectic Pacific cuisine with a Hawaiian twist.” Lodge atmosphere, ocean views. Ritz Carlton Kapalua, 669–6200. $$$ Basil Tomato’s Italian Grill - Specializing in Northern Italian cuisine. Come in for the ambience, stay for the delightful dining experience. 2780 Kekaa Dr., Kaanapali, 662-3210. $$

FREE KARAOKE - DRAFT BEER SPECIALS

KIHEI, THURSDAY - SATURDAY KAPALUA, THURSDAY & FRIDAY

EARLY BIRD SPECIAL 5:30pm to 6:00pm DAILY

Kapalua 669-6286 The Shops at Kapalua

Kihei 879-0004 Near Foodland

YOUR KITCHEN AWAY FROM HOME HAPPY HOUR EVERY DAY! from 12 to 3pm and 9 to11pm 2.25 Pizza Slices 2 Bud or Coors Lt Draft Beers $ 3 Well Drinks $

$

A TASTE OF LAHAINA WINNER FOR 4 CONSECUTIVE YEARS “BEST VEGETARIAN” “BEST MEAT” “BEST APPETIZER” & “BEST SEAFOOD”

KAMA’AINA & SEAFOOD

505 FRONT STREET, 661–8112

SPECIALS ALL WEEK LONG

Mega Touch Games, Pool Table, Jukebox

NIGHTLY SPECIALS MON-1-1/4 LB LIVE MAINE LOBSTER $18.95 TUES-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES WED-1LB. ALASKAN KING CRAB LEGS $19.95 THUR-14OZ PRIME RIB $16.95 FRI-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES Kama’aina valid w/ HI ID & 17% Gratuity prior to Discount

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3-6 $2.75 TROPICALS / WELLS $1.75 DRAFTS

AR DOLLL ES B U O D AY D L L A

FREE BREAKFAST

FRESH $1.00 R OYSTTEERS O O SH

BUY 1 BREAKFAST AT REGULAR PRICE GET A SECOND BREAKFAST OF EQUAL OR LESSER VALUE FREE. NO TAKE OUT. 15% GRATUITY ADDED. BREAKFAST SERVED 7:30AM-11:AM. EXPIRES 11/30/04

661-4666 • Wharf Cinema Center 658 Front St • Lahaina, HI

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

874-TACOS

1279 S. Kihei Rd. (Next to Bank of Hawaii) Azeka Mauka

BUY 1 ENTREE GET SECOND ENTREE

HALF PRICE! Must present coupon. Not good with other offers.

Good from 3-9pm. Expires 11/21/04

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

EMPLOYEE OF THE

WEEK A S T O L D T O S A R A H E LW E L L

Mark “Napa” Palenapa Recopuerto Manager, Ma’alaea Grill I originally started working at Ma’alaea Grill overlooking Ma’alaea Harbor as a day server. Six months later my hard work paid off and I was offered a management position and asked to assist in the opening of our Lahaina restaurant, Café Ole. Once the new restaurant was running, we won an award for Best New Restaurant in Maui. I came back to Ma’alaea Grill six months ago and have worked for the same company for a total of about two and a half years.

My first priority at work is to open and close the restaurant with an energetic, positive setting. We always have a pre-shift meeting to keep employees informed and try to positively encourage everyone to use their time at work productively.

I like to think of my job in terms of the dining room as the stage, the floor staff is the cast and it is my job to set the scene. Our staff are outstanding performers and the guests leave with a unique, satisfying experience and sense of Aloha only found here. I think I work with the best crew ever.

My job also includes making sure the business runs successfully including sales and service. This helps generate a positive experience for everyone as all the staff makes money and we always have a lot of happy, satisfied customers.

One of our more popular menu entrees includes Rotisserie Duck with your choice of sauces; Kiawe Honey and Mac Nut, L’orange with Ginger and Orange Zest, or Lilikoi Ginger Glaze. One of my personal favorite dishes is Fried Ahi stuffed with Calamari and served with a ginger butter sauce. All of our desserts are homemade, including our most popular, Lilikoi Cheesecake. We have the best crust ever!

Besides the opportunity to work in the scenic setting of Ma’alaea Harbor, I enjoy working for the owners of the restaurants, Dana and Mike Pastula.

They are both very experienced chefs and entrepreneurs and have shared an abundance of wisdom and knowledge. They have also shared the Aloha Spirit over the last 10 years on Maui with fine food and now have a total of five eating establishments on the island. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

17

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Deep-dish specialty pizzas and homemade Pizookies with live music nightly. Overlooking Lahaina Town, with ocean view. 730 Front St., 661-0700. $ Blue Lagoon - Casual dining with local grinds and bar, surrounded by waterfalls and palm trees.

Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661–8141. $ Breakwall Cafe - Serving breakfast, coffee, sandwiches, salads, smoothies. Open everyday 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-7220. $ Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. - Fine Southern foods, with “Forrest Gump” movie memorabilia and logo wear in a lively, casual atmosphere. 889 Front St., Lahaina, 661–3111. $$ Cafe O’Lei - Oceanfront dining featuring light and healthy yet hearty gourmet lunch and dinner.

Delicious salads and Focaccia sandwiches. 839 Front St., Lahaina, 661–9491. $$ Cafe Sauvage - Gourmet, hearty, satisfying fare in an unpretentious setting. Extensive beer and wine menu, after-dinner cordials, and desserts! 844 Front St., Lahaina, 661–7600. $$ K Canoes - Casual yet elegant dining serving Polynesian style steaks, and seafood. Lunch 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., dinner 5-9 p.m. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661–0937. $$ Captain Dave Fish & Chips - Classic baskets of fish and chips. Open daily. 126 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-6700. $ Castaway Cafe - Beachside, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Soups, salads, pasta.

Maui Kaanapali Villas & Resort, 661-9091. $ Cilantro - Fresh Mexican Grill island fish, tacos and burritos. Mexican food beyond the border.

170 Papalaua St., Lahaina, 667-5444. $ Chez Paul Restaurant - Fine dining French cuisine, open for dinner only. Romantic setting.

Call for reservations. 820 Olowalu Rd., Olowalu, 661-3843. $$$ K China Boat - The best Mandarin Szechwan cuisine on Maui, open for lunch and dinner. 4474 L. Honoapiilani Road, Kahana Gateway Shopping Center, 669-5089. $ CJ’s Deli & Diner - Reasonably priced “comfort foods” such as Reuben sandwiches, pot roast, freshly baked pies and more! Open daily. 2580 Kekaa Dr., Fairway Shops, Kaanapali, 667-0968. $ Coconut Grove - Steak, seafood, along with island favorites. Next to Lahaina Cannery Mall.

Open 5:30-9 p.m. 1312 Front Street, Lahaina, 661-5648.

Compadres Bar & Grill - Western cooking with a Mexican accent. Oceanview dining and Margarita bar. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189. $ Cool Cat Cafe - ‘50s-style diner with lanai.

Delicious burgers and sandwiches, huge salads and classic fountain desserts. Lahaina Wharf Center, 667-0908. $ K David Paul’s Lahaina Grill - Fine Pacific Rim cuisine in the intimate dining room on the ground floor of the Lahaina Inn. 127 Lahainaluna, Lahaina, 667–5117. $$$ K Dollie’s Pub & Cafe - Pizza, sandwiches, salads and full bar. Open daily 11 a.m. to midnight.

4310 L. Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana Manor

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Shops, 669-0266. $ Erik’s Seafood & Sushi - Fresh seafood and sushi—great steamers! Open nightly with live entertainment. Half off Sushi Sundays. 843 Wainee St., Lahaina, 662-8780. $$ Feast At Lele - A royal tour of the cuisine of Polynesian sharing the spotlight with music and dance from four Pacific islands. 505 Front Street, Lahaina, 667-5353. $$$ Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Maui’s own restaurant brewery, with rotisserie grill, featuring steak, seafood and ambience. Also, late-night menu served until 1:30 a.m.! 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-3474. $$ Gaby’s Pizzeria - Casual Italian dining with pizza and pasta from $6-$25. Open 11 a.m. to 12 a.m. daily. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8112. $ Gazebo Restaurant - Full breakfast and lunch menu, casual atmosphere, beautiful oceanside setting.

5315 Lower Honoapiilani Rd, Napili, 669-5621. $ Gerard’s - Fine French dining in downtown Lahaina.

Rich, flavorful yet light foods await your taste buds.

174 Lahainaluna, Lahaina, 661–8939. $$$ Giovani’s Tomato Pie Ristorante - Fine Italian dining. Open for dinner. 2291 Kaanapali Prkwy, 661-3160. $$ Hard Rock Cafe - Good American food at decent prices amongst rock ‘n roll memorabilia. Love All— Serve All. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 667–7400. $ Hawaiian Village Coffee - Delicious wraps, salads, quiche and many varieties of croissants and pastries.

Open 5:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Sun-Thu. Open 5:30 a.m.-10 p.m.

Fri-Sat. 4405 Honoapillani Hwy, Kahana, 665-1114. $ Hecocks - Italian restaurant and cocktail lounge oceanside. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8810. $$ K House of Saimin - Ono homemade saimin, chicken sticks, and Haupia pie are just some of the local favorites here. Old Lahaina Center, 667–7572. $ Hula Grill - Barefoot bar and beachside dining, 1940s style. Menu is a seafood lovers delight. Whaler’s Village, Kaanapali, 667–6636. $$ i`o - Pacific Rim cuisine among awesome sunset views, and indoor or outdoor dining. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661–8422. $$$ Island Tacos - The best soft shell taco’s ever. Choice of beef, fish, pork or chicken. Served with black beans, fresh cabbage, cheese. onions, and Jalapeno’s. Open Late night. 744 Luakini St. Lahaina $ Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Coffee bar and cafe with great food, eclectic atmosphere, lounge ambience.

Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787. $ Jonny’s Burger Joint - Great burgers, as well as Mexican food, salads and fried items, served until midnight, with bar and pool table! 2395 Honoapiilani Hwy, Kaanapali, 661-4500. $ Kahuna Kabob - Healthy food, low prices! Soups, brown rice, veggies and kabobs, will deliver. Lahaina Marketplace, 661–9999. $ K Kimo’s - Fresh fish, prime rib, and their famous Hula Pie, oceanside dining. Live entertainment daily. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661–4811. $$ Kobe - Japanese Steak House and Oku’s Sushi Bar, featuring teppanyaki cooking and fabulous sushi.

Dinner nightly from 5:30-10 p.m., Sushi 5:30-11:30 p.m. 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555. $$

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Lahaina Coolers - Off the beaten path “surf bistro.”

Good food, good quality, late night menu. 80 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 661–7082. $ Lahaina Fish Co. - Chef’s signature Pacific Rim specialties prepared with fresh island fish. Dine on the oceanside lanai. 831 Front St., Lahaina, 661–3472. $$ Leilani’s On The Beach - Relaxed beachfront dining, specializing in fresh seafood and Pacific Rim cuisine. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, 661-4495. $$ Longhi’s - Elegant fine dining, freshest ingredients, pasta, seafood and steaks. 888 Front St., Lahaina, 667–2288. $$$ Mama’s Ribs & Rotisserie - Serving ribs and roasted chicken, BBQ baked beans, coleslaw, and macaroni salad. Napili Plaza, 665–6262. $ Mango Cafe - Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

American cusine, along with some local favorites. Full bar Nightly specials. 7:30 am - 10 pm. 2290 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-1929. $$ K Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and spices from the Islands. 840 Wainee Street 661-8883 Lahaina (and Napili). $ Moose McGillycuddy’s - Great value, large portions, all you can eat special and merry atmosphere, large bar. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667–7758. $ Mr. Sub Sandwiches - Speciality sandwiches made to order, with salads and homemade soups. 129 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-5683. $ Nachos Grande - Fresh Mexican food, fast.

Vegetarian, too! Honokowai Marketplace, 662–0890. $ Nalu Sunset Bar & Sushi - Sushi rolls, sashimi, various Japanese appetizer, sandwiches and more. Maui Marriott, Kaanapali, 667–1200 ext. 51. $$ Okazuya Deli - Quality Japanese plate lunch. The best lemon caper Mahi Mahi and Okinawan potato tempura ever! Open 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and 4:30 to 9 p.m. 3600 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Honokowai, 665-0512. $ Ono’s Surf Bar & Grill - Casual poolside dining.

Now featuring reasonalby priced tapas-Hawiian Style menu.for supper and late night dining. 6:30 am10pm.The Westin Maui, Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $ Outback Steak House - Quality steaks, shrimp-on-thebarbie, and the Bloomin’ Onion in a casual and lively atmosphere. 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy, Kahana, 665-1822. $$ Pacific’O - Elegant oceanfront award-winning contemporary Pacific cuisine. Live jazz on weekends. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4341. $$$ Pancho & Lefty’s - Delicious and spicy appetizer, traditional and specialty Mexican food with full bar.

Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661–4666. $ Penne Pasta - Mark Ellman’s inexpensive Italian bistro with homestyle pasta, pizza and salad. 180 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 661–6633. $ Pho Saigon 808 - Vietnamese cuisine, Saigon steaks, vegetarian delight. Open 7 days a week. 658 Front St., Wharf Cinema Center, 661-6628. $ Pioneer Inn - Breakfast, lunch and dinner daily, with live entertainment nightly. 659 Wharf St., Lahaina, 6613636. $ Pad Thai - Delicious Påd Thai, among many items.

Open daily. 658 Front St., Lahaina, $ Pizza Paradiso - Voted “Best Pizza on Maui” since 1998. Award-winning pasta dishes, toss-to-order salads, big fat Greek gyros, homemade tiramisu and

panna cotta. Honokowai Marketplace, 667-2929; $ Plantation House Restaurant - Hawaiian Mediterranean cuisine. Breakfast, lunch and dinner daily. 2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua, 669-6299. $ Reilley’s - Known for their choice award-winning beef.

Gourmet steaks and seafood. Open at 5:30 pm 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 $$$ Roy’s Bar & Grill - This fine dinning restaurant has mouth-watering Hawaiian fusion entrees in a spacious upbeat atmosphere. Open nightly from 5:30p.m.10p.m.4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy. Kahana 669-6999. $$$ Rusty Harpoon Restaurant and Tavern - Quench thirst, satiate hunger and watch sports. Large parties welcome. Whalers Village, Kaanapali, 661–3123. $$ Ruth’s Chris Steak House - USDA prime steak, fine wines. Dinner served nightly. 5 p.m. - 10 p.m. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8815. $$$ Sansei Seafood Restaurant and Sushi Bar D.K. Kodama has combined the highest quality sushi bar infused with Hawaii`i’s cultural flavors. 115 Bay Drive, Kapalua, 669–6286. $$ K Sea House Restaurant - Looking out over incredible Napili Bay, dining is an amazing experience here under the direction of Chef Michael Gallagher. 5900 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Napili, 669–1500. $$ Smoke House - Delicious barbeque, ribs, chicken, sandwiches, and hamburgers along with a full bar.

Open 11:30 a.m. - 10 p.m. 927 Wainee St. Lahaina, 667-7005. $ Spats Trattoria - Step into old Northern Italy. Tables are private, the Antipasto serves two. Hyatt Regency, Kaanapali, 667–4727. $$$ Sports Club Kahana Grill - Upscale, healthy restaurant inside Sports Club Kahana. Breakfast, lunch and take-out. 4327 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Rd., Kahana, 6693538. $$ Sunrise Cafe - Casual and cozy outdoor lanai, serving American food from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. daily. 693 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8558. $ Swan Court - One of the top 10 romantic restaurants in the world, with an extensive list of contemporary fine wines. Hyatt Regency, Kaanapali, 667–4727. $$$ Take Sushi - Open late night for late night sushi lovers. Full menu and daily special. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4051. $ Terrace Restaurant - Open from 6:30-11 a.m. serving breakfast only. Elegant dining, buffet-style rotating menu ranging from “Breakfast on the Farm” to “Hawaiian Plantation-Style Breakfast.” Ritz Carlton, Kapalua, 669-6200. $$$ Thai Chef - Thai food like you’ve never had it, with curry, Pad Thai, summer rolls and more. Old Lahaina Center, 667–2814. $ Tropica - Oceanfront dining on Ka’anapali Beach, features sizzling steaks, fresh fish, prepared in variety of styles, and specialty entress, appetizers, and deserts.

5:30-9:30pm. Westin, Kaanapali, 667–2525. $$ Vino - Comfort and contemporary cuisine featuring fresh pasta and extensive wine list. Open for dinner nightly from 5:30 p.m. Village Course Clubhouse, Kapalua, 661-8466. $$$ Vinny’s Pizza - Authentic New York Style Pizza, Calzones, and Hot & Cold Heros. Open 7 Days. Delivery 11 a.m. - 10 p.m. 840 Wainee St. Lahaina Square, Lahaina. 661-6773.$

“Best Plate Lunch” Maui News Readers Poll

“Best Pupu Coconut Prawns” Taste of Lahaina

“Paper plate meets million dollar view”New York Times

Join us on our deck for beachside plate lunches, burgers, noodles and “ono” daily specials.

Present this coupon and receive

A free regular soft drink with plate lunch or equivalent purchase.

Casual, affordable and fun!

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661-3322 18

OCTOBER 21, 2004

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Not to be used with any other coupons or discounts. Coupon has no cash value.

Coupon expires 1-1-05

Masquerade Ball Saturday, 5-9:30 p.m., Olowalu Plantation [FUNDRAISER] Just like Zorro, Batman and Mexican Wrestlers, masquerade balls are sexy. But it can’t totally be about the masks, right? In the 18th Century, masquerade balls were a popular pasttime for their atmosphere of intrigue, adventure, conspiracy and mystery. Obviously, the use of costume or “disguise” is elemental in contributing to the unhibited, festive environment of the masquerade ball. But let’s face it, there also has to be music, lavish food and drink, and lots and lots of corsets.

Maui OnStage’s “An Evening of Stars” Masquerade Ball promises all that, with live music by Benoit Jazz Works, jazzy Broadway tunes and swing from Lil’ Big Band, led

by Vania Jerome. There will also be a New Orleans influenced menu created by some of Maui’s best chefs and restaurants, with entrees like Chicken Gumbo, Shrimp Creole and Crawfish Etouffee.

You’ll be wise to dress as your favorite stage and screen star—that is, if you don’t already!—or arrive in evening attire and buy a mask at the event. Okay, so it is all about the mask. Good to know.

The proceeds from “An Evening of Stars” Masquerade Ball will benefit Maui OnStage programs, live theater and education, as well as continued use of the historical Iao Theater. Visit their website at www.mauionstage.com for info.

To purchase $75 tickets, call 2426969. Or you can go to: If The Shoe Fits at 12 N. Market Street, Wailuku; Honolulu Coffee Company at the Shops at Wailea, Sir Wilfreds Coffee in the Lahaina Cannery Mall, Maalaea Grill, and Bad Ass Coffee Company in Kihei, Kahului, Front St. Lahaina and Honokawai.

[SAMANTHA CAMPOS]

PHOTOS: BRITTA ALEXANDRA / COURTESY OF THE ENCHANTRESS (PAIA)

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

19

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

by Samantha Campos

A Midsummer Night’s Dream Friday, 7:30 p.m. at the Castle Theater, MACC [STAGE] Not your typical Shakespearean performance, this is a bicultural production between theater groups from Portland, Oregon and Vietnam, as part of the National Endowment for the Arts' "Shakespeare in American Communities Project,” a national theater touring initiative in partnership with Arts Midwest, bringing The Bard’s classic tale to towns who watch too much TV all across America. Tickets are $25, $18 and $10 (1/2 price for keiki). Call 242-7469.

Lea Salonga Monday, 7:30 p.m. at the Castle Theater, MACC [MUSIC] A star of stage and screen from the Phillipines to Broadway and Hollywood, Lea Salonga is best known for her award-winning performances in Miss Saigon, Les Miserables, The King and I, Annie and... oh my gosh, she’s the voice of Princess Jasmine in Disney’s Aladdin! I knew I recognized her! You know that song, “A Whole New World”?! Sigh. I’m just glad Celine Dion didn’t sing it. Salonga’s way better.

Tickets are $45, $35 and $25.

Call 242-7469.

THURSDAY

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

➤➤➤➤➤FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SUN

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Flying K’s Tuesday, 7:30 p.m. at the Castle Theater, MACC [STAGE] “Juggling and Cheap Theatrics” are where it’s at for the Emmy and Obie Award-winning Flying Karamazov Brothers. Originally from San Francisco, they’ve charmed the pants off audiences from the west coast to Broadway, even sharing stage and screen with big names like Frank Sinatra and Jerry Seinfeld.

Whoa—never thought I’d use Frank Sinatra and Jerry Seinfeld in the same sentence but anyway...

The Flying K’s have been performing their vaudevillian act since 1973, so you know they’ve got it right by now!

Hey, they’ve even issued an Audience Challenge: “Bring something new for them to juggle! (No live animals, please, and they‚ve already done slippers, jello and liver. Be creative!)”

Tickets are $28, $18 and $10. Call 242-7469.

DAY

Politics in Paradise Wednesday, 6 p.m. at the Maui Community College Student Lounge [FILM] For those tired of watching Bush allegedly coddle the Saudis or Kerry supposedly betray his country because he didn’t bleed enough in Vietnamt on television and in major motion pictures and long to see some film documentary on local politics, then this free screening of Politics in Paradise is for you. Made

by Andrea Dean, the film chronicles the 2002 Maui elections, including sign waving, strategy meetings, candidate forums and, naturally, fundraisers. It even includes our own Sept. 19, 2002 Maui Time cover story “Kimo’s Campaign Cash!” Come prepared for a discussion. [ANTHONY PIGNATARO]

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

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S CH RPUP CRUNN 1 2 COVE / 0 O 1 rs Thu E BOX PEN JUK O 2 2 / 0 Fri 1 BERTS NNY RONDS E K 3 & FRIE Sat 10/2 THE HALE & BAND A V 4 2 A Sun 10/ HOT LNO COVER NIGHT ONDAY ALL! M 5 2 FOOTB Mon 10/ S BROS. BEÑERO A H 6 2 / 0 Tues 1 OORE JOHN M CT E J 7 O 2 PR Wed 10/

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3pm - 6pm 2411 S. Kihei Rd. 879-0602

VOTED BEST SPORTS BAR ON MAUI! LETTERS

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

21

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY

Team America F**K Yeah Matt Stone and Trey Parker go after the big guns

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or about the candidates. Some irony lies in the Geniuses of satire Matt Stone and Trey fact that Penn had not seen the movie before he Parker bring more laughs to the big screen sent off his missive that allegedly stated: “I after their wildly funny 1999 movie South remember several times getting a few giggles Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut with a out of your humor. I remember not being bothcast of square-jawed marionettes fighting ered as you traded on my name among others to terror by way of North Korea’s Kim Jong appear witty, above it II in a relevantly all, and likeable to your childish reading of crowd. I never mind “ f r e e d o m . ” being of service, in Inspired by the satire and silliness. I do 1960s British teleRated R/98 mins. mind when anybody vision series who doesn’t have a child, doesn’t have a child at Thunderbirds, Stone and Parker use Jerry war, or isn’t or won’t be in harm’s way themBruckheimer’s action movie plot template selves, is encouraging that there’s no shame in to parody America’s bullying military with not voting if you don’t know what you’re talking one-third-scale puppets that give new about. You guys are talented young guys but meaning to “wooden acting.” alas, primarily young guys. All best, and a sinThe ridicule hits a fever pitch anytime cere f*** you, Sean Penn.” the comic duo’s brilliantly phrased songs A larger irony lies in Penn’s overstated modify the puppet action sequences defense of children before turning the tables on (you’ll be chanting “Team America, Fuck himself by attempting to insult Stone and Yeah” for days). Kim Jong II exploits the Parker for being “primarily young guys.” Upon Film Actors Guild (including Alec close examination, you realize that Penn’s hamBaldwin, Tim Robbins, Samuel Jackson fisted letter actually supports Stone and and Sean Penn) for his evil schemes while Parker’s assertion. Penn’s comment, about the Team America World Police recruit a Stone and Parker not being in “harm’s way,” Broadway actor to infiltrate an Iraqi terror ignores the endless personal attacks and threats cell. This all-out adult satire pulls no that the purposefully non-glamorous duo have punches and takes no prisoners. suffered as a result of their comic contributions.

Penn sent Stone and Parker a personal The greatest gift that Matt Stone and Trey letter last week in which he berated them Parker possess is their inexhaustibly childish for encouraging young people not to vote if and brash approach to big issues. Although they don’t know anything about the issues

they’ve said in interviews that Team America: World Police mocks terrorists rather than counter-terrorists, the film rightfully does ridicule Bush’s “war on terror.” The movie slyly acknowledges the truth of multinational global corporate oppression, that there is no and can be no such thing as a war on terror, just as there can be no war on the desperation that drives ostracized people from committing any act of abysmal depression.

When our puppet commandos kick off Team America by killing a group of Muslim terrorists in Paris, they consequently destroy the Louvre and kill many French civilians. It’s no accident that the French are the first to suffer at the hand of America’s fraternity minded group of mercenary heroes with ammo belts hung across their chests to preclude any confusion about the heroes’ agenda.

The liberal doses of crude vulgarity that Stone and Parker smear over everything they do is a keen equalizer that goes much deeper than party lines or class striations. Stone and Parker’s purely filthy satire enters your central nervous system via coded systems of pop culture references that expand in your subconscious as you watch the movie. It’s a thoroughly integrated and sophisticated brand of intoxicating anti-propaganda that sparks from everything you already know on an intrinsic level.

In Team America no quarter is given to corporate shills like George Bush or John Kerry, or to puppet enemies like Osama or Hussein. Instead the filmmakers go right for the jugular of North Korea’s Kim Jong Il as a lonely dictator baddie who feeds UN Weapons Inspector Hans Blix to a shark. That scene won’t stick in your memory as much as the much-debated hilarious puppet sex scene, but the film’s final explanation of the world’s problems as based on assholes, pussies and dicks surely will. MTW

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Team America features the gnarliest sex scene involving puppets since Eyes Wide Shut

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FILM

SHOWTIMES

MOVIECAPSULES

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL’S CANDLELIGHT CINEMA Saturday, October 23

Castle Theater, 572-3456 Before Sunset - R - Sat 2, 5, 7:30

HAWAII INT’L FILM FESTIVAL

Before Sunset 2, 5 & 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater

Iao Theater, 579-8081 A Brokedown Melody, Ishmael, Singlefin: Yellow, Sprout - Oct. 28 (next Thursday!), 6pm

Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy star in this timeless romantic story, set in contemporary Paris, of two questing hearts and minds whose powerful bond defies time and place. What ultimately makes Before Sunset so special is its deep-rooted honesty -- the way it takes the bitter with the sweet and somehow leaves us feeling elated. "This is one of the most wildly romantic movies in ages as well as being a vibrant emotional epic with one of the most perfect endings of any film that comes to mind," swooned the Hollywood Reporter. Rated R. 84 min.

LOUIS VUITTON HAWAII INT’L FILM FESTIVAL Thursday, October 28

“Singlefin: Yellow” is a featured film in the opening night of LVHIFF

6 p.m., Castle Theater A Brokedown Melody

Moonshine Conspirator and local boy Jack Johnson performs the title track and showcases his surfing skills throughout. The film explores the times, travels and experiences of a tribe of surfers searching for the spark of life and looking to pass it on to a younger generation. 50 min.

Ishmael What compels a person to surf the Atlantic Ocean during New England’s coldest winter in 20 years?

“You must have the soul of a seal,” muses a philosopher/surfer in Ishmael. Director Ben Keller’s cinematography intertwines the austere beauty of winter with the inner fire of the surfers. 57 min.

Singlefin: Yellow Surfer and renowned board maker Tyler Hatzikian has a dream of sharing a feeling with a community of friends. So he shapes a classic ‘60s style longboard with a single fin, colors it yellow and sends it on a lengthy journey throughout the Pacific. 70 min.

Sprout In recent years a paradigm shift has taken pace— one of open-mindedness to riding new and different types of equipment. The long standing wall between longboarders and shortboarders is breaking down fast, and amidst the rubble, surfers are discovering that it’s okay to embrace all forms of waveriding.

New This Week THE GRUDGE – (PG13) – Horror – You know how your mama told you never to hold a grudge?

Well, this little horror flick sets out to prove that point further as Sarah Michelle Gellar finds herself in a cycle of unresolved fury and a curse born of someone who... dunh duh!... held a grudge.

I HEART HUCKABEES – (PG13) – Comedy – Dysfunction and existentialism abounds in this allstar cast of misfits, including Dustin Hoffman, Lily Tomlin, Jude Law, Naomi Watts, Mark Wahlberg, Isabelle Huppert and Jason Schwartzman.

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS – (PG13) – Romantic Comedy – Ben Affleck plays a rich record company exec who gets dumped by his girlfriend. Moping around and fearful of spending Christmas alone, he decides—for reasons that aren’t entirely clear—to go back to the home he grew up in and spend Christmas with the strangers who live there. Because this is a comedy, they turn out to be nuts. Also stars Christina Applegate and that dude who plays Tony Soprano.

Now Showing CRIMINAL – (R) – Crime/Drama – Three people scheme over how to sell the incredibly rare and expensive piece of U.S. currency that’s somehow fallen into their possession. Diego Luna plays the young Latino dude, John C. Reilly plays the 30something white guy and Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the white guy’s sister. It’s, of course, set in Los Angeles, because all the great crime stuff always seems to happen there.

FENG SHUI - (Unrated) - ? - Feng Shui is the placement of objects in order to maximize beauty, functionality and common sense. This movie could be about that or maybe it’s another romantic comedy involving overpaid starlets and the mindless men who love them. We don’t know for sure.

THE FORGOTTEN - (PG13) - Thriller - Julianne

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Moore stars in this psychological thriller as a single mother who loses her 8-year-old son and seeks emotional therapy from a head doc. But the psychiatrist (Gary Sinise) tells her she’s trippin—she never had a son and she’s making the whole thing up. But then she meets another parent going through the same thing so he two pair off to find out what the dealy is, yo.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS – PG 13 – Drama – Think Any Given Sunday, but two days earlier and with high school jocks instead of pros. This sports movie chronicles the highs and lows experienced by the 1988 Permian High Panthers of Odessa, Texas. Critics are supposedly calling it one of the greatest football movies ever, but I don’t see how it will ever top Gus, the 1976 Don Knotts/Tim Conway masterpiece about a Yugoslavian mule that got drafted as a field goal kicker. Stars Billy Bob Thornton as the coach and Derek Luke as some guy.

GARDEN STATE - R - Comedy, Drama, Romance A antidepressent-medicated 20-something guy (Zach Braff) living in L.A. as an actor returns to his New Jersey home for his mother’s funeral. Meeting up with his childhood friends and fears, he confronts the issues that have catapulted him into the land of malaise and ennui. Along the way, he also meets a girl (Natalie Portman) with issues of her own, who helps him to see the world through un-medicated eyes.

Basically, it’s a journey of self-discovery but not quite that hokey-sounding. And it’s really funny, even though it sounds like it shouldn’t be. Just trust us.

LADDER 49 – (PG13) – Drama – Joaquin Phoenix plays a firefighter trapped in a burning building. The whole movie takes place has he reflects on his life as the rest of his ladder company takes their sweet time rescuing him. Also stars John Travolta as the fire chief and that chick Jacinda Barrett from MTV’s Real World London as Joaquin’s love interest.

MR. 3000 – (PG13) – Comedy – Bernie Mac plays a retired Hall of Fame ballplayer who has to unretire when he finds out that three of his 3,000 hits have been disqualified. Not wanting to be known as Mr. 2997, he decides to make a comeback seven years after he last stepped to the plate. Also stars Angela Bassett.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE – (PG) – Comedy – A cult classic already because of the screening at the Wailea Film Festival this year, Napoleon Dynamite is about a red afro-ed, dorky teenager who sells herbal breast enhancers door-to-door while practicing his dance moves and learning the way of the ninja as he helps his new best friend win the election for Student Body President. This is kind of a coming-of-age story but it’s hilarious so go see it, you big fat turd! Gawwwsh!

RAISE YOUR VOICE - (PG) - Drama - Isn’t Hilary Duff, like, 40 by now? Well here she is again, playing a teenage girl from a small town, only instead of a goofy romantic comedy, she’s doing a goofy romantic drama about her summer in a Los Angeles performing arts school following the death of her supportive older brother.

SHALL WE DANCE? – (PG13) – Drama, Musical This movie reads like an after-hours flick on cable: “An overworked Chicago accountant (Richard Gere), tired of the boring routine that his life has become, sees a beautiful dance teacher (Jennifer Lopez) through a window and decides to get to know her better, and as the joy of dancing enters his life, he discovers that it might just be the secret to saving his troubled marriage...”

(Greg’s Previews, Yahoo Movies!)

SHARK TALE – PG – Animation – An all-star cast voices the story of a little fish (Will Smith) who tells tall tales and gets famous. There’s a shark that gets killed and some running—er, swimming—around as the shark family seeks retribution. There’s also a love triangle involving the little fish, a hot fish voiced by Angelina Jolie and a sweet fish voiced by Renee Zelleweger.

Other voices by Robert De Niro and Jack Black.

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TAE GUKGI: BROTHERHOOD OF WAR – (R) – Action/Adventure/Art/Foreign/Drama – This is a Korean film about two Korean brothers who get drafted and have to fight in the Korean War. It looks promising, but its plotline of older-brother-tries-to-protect-youngerbrother from the horrors of war is pretty thin. But like all recent war films, it has “graphic depictions of war violence,” which means it should be pretty entertaining. And entertainment is what war’s all about, right?

TAXI – (PG13) – Action, Adventure, Comedy, Crime – At last, some Hollywood genius has finally made a movie about that beloved 1970s television situation comedy Taxi. I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to see Jim and Latka and all the rest on the big screen… what? Oh, I guess this is something different, starring Jimmy Fallon as a cop who ends up partnered with taxi driver Queen Latifah. Yeah, I’d much rather see them than Andy Kaufman, Danny Devito and Christopher Lloyd. Also stars the reasonably attractive Brazilian supermodel Giselle Bundchen.

TEAM AMERICA – (R) – Action/Adventure, Comedy/Puppet show – This action movie with puppets tells the story of an elite band of anti-terrorist commandoes who attempt to rid the world of evildoers. Created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone—the makers of South Park, BASEketball and Orgazmo—the film should have plenty of subtle humor and light-hearted fun. Word has it they had to cut a golden shower scene to keep the movie Rated R. Woohoo—great reason to buy the DVD! See Film Critique.

WE DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE - R Drama/Romance - Two couples (Naomi Watts and Peter Krause, Laura Dern and Mark Ruffalo), who have all been close friends for a long time, find their lives changing when two of them have an affair. Naughty, naughty couples.

WITHOUT A PADDLE - (PG13) - Comedy - Think Deliverance, but not as funny. Seth Green, Matthew Lillard and Dax Shepard play three guys who take a canoe into the Oregon wilderness looking for treasure but finding dangerous hunters, hippie chicks, wild rapids and some crazy old coot played by Burt Reynolds who starred in, among other movies, Deliverance.

ZATOICHI: THE BLIND SWORDSMAN – R – Action/Adventure/Drama – Japanese flick that follows blind nomad/gambler/masseur/master swordsman Zatoichi has he visits a 19th Century village controlled by merciless gangster Ginzo. Much swordfighting follows involving Ginzo’s henchmen, a samurai ronin named Hattori and two beautiful geishas. Awww yeaaaaaah.

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KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka`ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 The Grudge - PG13 - Fr-W (12:40, 3), 5:15, 7:35, 9:50 I Heart Huckabees - PG13 - Fr-W (1), 4:15, 7:05, 9:30 Ladder 49 - PG13 - Daily (12:45), 4:45, 7:25, 10 Shark Tale - PG - Daily (12:30, 2:45), 5, 7:15, 9:30 Tae Gukgi - R - Th only (1), 4:05, 7:05, 10:05 Taxi - PG13 - Daily (12:35, 2:50), 5:05, 7:20, 9:45 Team America - R - Daily (12:45), 4:30, 7:30, 9:55 We Don’t Live Here Anymore - R - Th only (12:40), 4:15, 7:10, 9:45

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 Friday Night Lights - PG13 - Th only (1), 4:15, 7:30 Garden State - R - Fr-Sa (1), 4:15, 7:15, 9:35, SuW (1), 4:15, 7:45 The Grudge - PG13 - Fr-Sa (1:30), 4:45, 7:45, 9:55, Su-W (1:30), 4:45, 8 Shark Tale - PG - Th, Su-W (1:45), 5, 7, Fr-Sa (1:45), 5, 7, 9 Taxi - PG13 - Th only (1:30), 4:45, 8 Team America - R - Th, Su-W (1:15), 4:30, 7:45, FrSa (1:15), 4:30, 7:30, 9:45

FRONT STREET THEATERS 900 Front Street, 249–2222 Friday Nights Lights - PG13 - Th (4), 7, 9:45, Fr, MW (4), 7, 9:45, Sa-Su (1), 4, 7, 9:45 Raise Your Voice - PG - Th only (4:30), 7:30, 10 Shark Tale - PG - Th - (4:45), 7:30, 9:45, Fr, M-W (4:45), 7:30, 9:40, Sa-Su (1:45), 4:45, 7:30, 9:40 Surviving Christmas - PG13 - Fr, M-W (4), 7, 9:30, Sa-Su (1), 4, 7, 9:30 Team America - R - Th (4:15), 7:15, 9:50, Fr, M-W (4:30), 7:30, 10, Sa-Su (1:30), 4:30, 7:30, 10

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

* with MFF passport (5 films - $35) • $10 - single tickets Phone: 572-3456 • www.mauifilmfestival.com

DA KINE CALENDAR

Maui Mall, 249–2222 (Showtimes) = Matinee Criminal - R - Th only (3), 7:35 Feng Shui - NR - Th-Fr, M-W (12:50, 3:05, 5:20), 7:30, 9:50, Sa-Su (12:50, 3:05), 5:20, 7:30, 9:50 The Forgotten - PG13 - Th (12:30, 1, 2:45, 3:15, 5, 5:30), 7:15, 7:45, 9:30, 10, Fr, M-W (12:40, 1, 3:15, 5, 5:30), 7:45, 9:30, 9:55, Sa-Su (12:40, 1, 3:15), 5, 5:30, 7:45, 9:30, 9:55 Friday Night Lights - PG13 - Th (1, 1:15, 4, 4:15), 7, 7:15, 9:45, 10, Fr, M-W (1:30, 4:30), 7, 7:15, 9;45, 10, Sa-Su (1:30), 4:30, 7, 7:15, 9;45, 10 Garden State - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:15, 4:15), 7, 9:30, Sa-Su (1:15), 4:15, 7, 9:30 Mr. 3000 - PG13 - Th (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:55, Fr, MW (1, 4), Sa-Su (1:30), 4:15, 7:15, 9:55 Napoleon Dynamite - PG - Th-Fr, M-W (12:45, 3, 5:15), 7:25, 9:40, Sa-Su (12:45, 3), 5:15, 7:25, 9:40 Raise Your Voice - PG - Th-Fr, M-W (12:30, 2:55, 5:15), 7:40, 10, (12:30, 2:55), 5:15, 7:40, 10 Shall We Dance? - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (12:30, 2:50, 5:10), 7:30, 10, Sa-Su (12:30, 2:50), 5:10, 7:30, 10 Surviving Christmas - PG13 - Fr, M-W (12:30, 1, 2:45, 3:15, 5, 5:30), 7:15, 7:45, 9:30, 10, Sa-Su (12:30, 1, 2:45, 3:15), 5, 5:30, 7:15, 7:45, 9:30, 10 Without a Paddle - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (12:40, 5:15), 9:45, Sa-Su (12:40), 5:15, 9:45 Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1, 4), 7, 9:45, Sa-Su (1), 4, 7, 9:45

CLASSIFIEDS

658 Front Street, 249–2222 The Grudge - PG13 - Fr, M-W (2, 4:30), 7:30, 9:45, Sa-Su (11:30, 20, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45 Ladder 49 - PG13 - Th only (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 9:55 Shall We Dance - PG13 - Th (1:30, 4), 7, 9:30, Fr, M-W (1:30, 4), 7, 9:15, Sa-Su (11, 1:30), 4, 7, 9:15 Taxi - PG13 - Th (1:45, 4:15), 7:15, 9:30, Sa-Su (11:15, 1:45), 4:15, 7:15, 9:30

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

23

ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

Free Space

BY JOE GATTO

promote the works of outstanding local artists. of a nude man in a waterfall. Now if that “There is something special about being in a doesn’t cause someone to spill her cappuccispace of change, which reflects the community no... But that’s the whole point: We give and lifts it similarly,” she said. “To be working artists the freedom to express themselves in a place that embraces change and movethrough their artwork.” ment enriches the whole community.”

One of artists who’ll have his work at Live On an island saturated with commercial art Wire next month is Juan Giliberto of outlets, the LiveWire Buenos Aires.

Café is unique, taking “I like the space very risks to show true art. It much and this is a big 137 Hana Highway, Suite B, Paia. 579is a place of public art opportunity for me,” he 6009. Open 6 a.m.-10 p.m. Sun-Thu. Open where anyone, not said. “I stopped paint6 a.m.-11 p.m. Fri-Sat. Piero Resta’s ing for awhile, but now “Between the Lines” will show through merely art lovers or collectors, can enjoy open, I’m inspired to create Nov. 10. Juan Giliberto’s work will show creative expression. again. What I’m paintbeginning Nov. 12.

“The idea behind ing for this show is LiveWire seems to abstract and colorful grow with each new day,” said Harris. “It’s a based on animals and rare plants of Hawaii.” ripple effect. To play a part in someone’s blosMuch of the enthusiasm and impetus soming is an honor. The cafe then is filled with behind LiveWire comes from curator Lauren this integrity, creating a positive and exciting Harris. An artist herself, she has a discerning vibe for all.” MTW eye, impeccable sense of style and a desire to

The art of LiveWire

LiveWire Internet Cafe

One of Giliberto’s pieces A large fountain covered in a mosaic of earth tones and an abstract goddess sits just off the front door. Next to it is a gnarled driftwood table displaying condiments. Above it all hangs an early 20th century photo of a buxom model soaked in warm hues. Inside is an enormous bar where stainless steel, suspended light fixtures illuminate the dining area and create a bright yet still intimate light. Green stone tables sit nearby.

“This place is awesome, man,” a guy next to me told his friend.

Welcome to the LiveWire in Paia. Every time I go to the café there is a certain buzz, and not just from the caffeine. People speak in different languages and accents, local professionals mix with tourists and the Paia bohemian crowd and live music fills the night air.

It’s also a great place to see good art.

LiveWire exudes youthful vigor, from the upbeat baristas to the daring painters displaying there to the talented musicians from Senegal, Venezuela and Uruguay.

This youthful exuberance attracts people of all ages who want to be a part of the positive atmosphere.

Here, they can enjoy Paia’s quirkiness and the cultural mix that lives and breathes. It boasts sophisticated big city café style, but with small town Maui charm. It’s one of the anchors of Paia’s nochain-business individuality. The art lends it classy sophistication and helps to

24

OCTOBER 21, 2004

DAY&NIGHT

make it an urbane hangout for people of all walks of life in a funky tropical town.

“The idea all along was to show art and have live music,” owner Ben Holz told me.

“Providing a venue to artists to exhibit or perform is key. We don’t charge for the wall space in order to encourage new artists, and in turn people love what they see. It will be the same at the new LiveWire in Lahaina, where we’ll offer the space to talented young artists to help get them started.”

Holz opened LiveWire in December, 2002.

He said he realized a possibility to showcase artists and musicians early on.

“Being a relatively young business owner, I really wanted to give artists a chance to show their work,” he said. “So much so that when I first opened the cafe I loaned money to allow a painter to buy a canvas and paint. Not the wisest business decision—we weren’t able to sell his work. However, in the end I couldn’t bear to part with the beautiful paintings he created and ended up purchasing his paintings myself.”

Piero Resta’s striking “Between the Lines” is showing there now. Resta has a brilliant feeling for the aesthetic. His works are very sensual and organic, giving the café an earthy, Hawaii-meets-Tuscany feel.

There’s a painting of a gorgeous, voluptuous woman. Hanging next to it is the original sketch. Several more sculptures and paintings adorn the café upstairs and downstairs.

“We have no rules and no guidelines,” said Holz. “In fact, on one occasion I walked into the café to find black and white photographs

Resta’s abstract goddess

thursday

10/21

BADA BING

friday10/22

saturday10/23 sunday10/24

monday10/25 – wednesday10/27

Pono Players, Comedy Improv $15, 8pm

1945 S Kihei Road, Kihei - 875-0188

BLUE LAGOON

No information available

658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-8141

Neto Peraza, Latin Night No cover, 10pm

The Gina Martinelli Band $5 10pm

Industry Night, DJ No cover, 9pm

MON - Mark Epstein & Friends, Blues & Jazz, 10pm; TUE - Jay Molina & Gilbert Emata w/Vanessa Rodriques, 10pm; WED - Soul Concept W/ Curtis Williams, 10pm, No cover

CASANOVA

Ray Gooliak Band $10, 9:45pm

Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo $10, 9:45pm

MiddleJohn $7 donation, 2 p.m.

WED - Ladies’ Night, $5, 9:45pm

CHARLEY’S

John Moore Project $3, 9:30pm

N DE $3, 10pm

BOCALINO

Kilohana No cover, 10 pm

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy, Paia - 579-9453

Wed - Sunn Lounge w/ DJ Sal, $5 9pm-1:30am

DJ Jose, Salsa, $5, 10pm

COMPADRES BAR & GRILL Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

DA KINECALENDAR BIG SHOWS

Carlton, Willie Nelson and many notable others. The band also features Tommy Hall, Lenny Castellanos on bass and Greg Marsh on drums. Tickets: $10.10 p.m.

Casanova, Makawao, 572-0220.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream - Friday. Artists Repertory Theatre in collaboration with the Central Dramatic Company of Vietnam presents a William Shakespeare’s comedy of miscommunication and happy endings is the perfect vehicle for a unique take on East-meets-West in this collaborative, bicultural production between premiere theater groups from Portland, Oregon and Vietnam. Tickets: $25-$18-$10 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

The Stars Masquerade Ball - Saturday. A benefit for Maui OnStage in residence at the historic Iao Theater.

This event will have gourmet dinner, star impersonators, live and silent auction, theatrical entertainment, along with live music and prizes. Costumes or evening attire required. Tickets: $75. 5-9:30 p.m. at Olowalu Plantation. For info, call 242-6969.

Ray Gooliak - Friday. Long time Maui resident & musician Ray Gooliak makes a rare appearance. Joining the his ensemble is Nashville import Pete Wasner. Pete is a tremendous keyboard talent and composer who has written #1 hits for Vince Gill and Garth Brooks and has performed with the likes of Michael McDonald, Larry

Lea Salonga - Monday. Lea Salonga began her singing career at the age of 10, when she recorded her first album, Small Voice. She also hosted her own musical TV show, "Love, Lea" and was then offered the role of the singing voice of Jasmine in the Disney film Aladdin. She has continued to record albums and has

IN

THE

performed for Queen Elizabeth II, George Bush and Bill Clinton. Tickets: $45-$35-$25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Tap Dogs - Oct. 28-30. The show that brings tap into the 21st century. The dancers of Tap Dogs juxtapose the strength and power of everyday workmen with the precision and talent of high energy, raw-edged tap in the dynamic show that brings audiences to their feet.

Tickets: $45-$35-$28,$10. 7:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. Sat, Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

The Flying Karamazov Brothers - Tuesday. Another part of the Global Series, wild men who break laws of the universe. The Flying Karamazov Brothers have performed their vaudevillian brand of juggling and cheap theatrics with, humor, wit and impeccable timing from the streets of San Francisco to the world’s famous concert halls. The Emmy and Obie Award-winning Karamazov's have enjoyed five successful and critically acclaimed runs on Broadway, and shared stage and screen with luminaries from Frank Sinatra to Jerry Seinfeld. Tickets: $28, $18, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW.

Go Jimmy Go - Oct 29-30. Get freaky with Hawaii’s favorite Ska/Reggae sensations! 2003 Hoku award nominees will finish off six months of touring across the US with two shows of hot island sounds known all around the world. Tickets: $10. 9 p.m. Fri; Hapa’s Night Club, Kihei, 879-9001. Sat; The SandBar & Grill, Paia 579-8742.

TICKETS ON SALE

Makana - Nov 5. Makana has taken his strong foundation in traditional Hawaiian slack key guitar ki ho´alu and added influences of folk, rock, jazz and classical music.

H EART

OF

O LDE M AKAWAO T OWN

Wild Wahine Wednesday with dj blast

C ASANOVA ’ S F AMOUS L ADIES N IGHT !

T E T E C T A HE

VENING

HAT

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ASANOVA

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“ B E S T L AT E N IGHT I N M A U I ”

WA R D

MUSIC STARTS @ 9:45PM • $5 COVER

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2 FRI., OCT. 2

Band K A I L O O G Y A the R WITH VERY SPECIAL GUEST ER AB -SFUN PETROECKW K N - R&

RD

3 SAT., OCT. 2

MO T I R O I R & T A O TIN DR. N SA Y RITMO LA SAMBA Y SLA 45PM @ 9: MUSIC STARTSVE $10 CO R

@ 9:45PM MUSIC STARTSVE $10 CO R

CT. 24 SUN.,RO NTS ADIO PRESE

MANA’O

HN MIWDITHDSPLECIAELJGO UESTS

ELLAN & DON McCL N O IS R R A G I TER @ 2:00PM MUSIC STARTSTI A $7 DON ON

Make it a Memorable Evening • Dine and Dance at Casanova For dinner reservations call 572–0220 • Log on at casanovamaui.com LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

25

thursday10/21 ERIK’S SEAFOOD & SUSHI 843 Wainee St., Lahaina - 662-8780

HAPA’S NIGHTCLUB

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-9001

friday10/22

DJ Rainbow 10pm

Salsa 9pm

Xtacy Thursday 9pm

Ke Kai Boyz 9pm

saturday10/23 sunday10/24

monday10/25 – wednesday10/27

Open Mic Night 9pm Flava Zone 9pm

Salsa Party w/DJ Fat Joe 9pm

MON - Willie K TUE - Ultra Fab Tuesday, w/Fat Joe, 9pm; WED - Aloha Wed w/Jamin J

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

MON - Marty Dread, Reggae, $5, 10pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

Patriot Act No cover, 9pm

Evolution No cover, 9pm

Swami BeBops No cover, 9pm

Gina Martinelli No cover, 6-9pm

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB

Da Hawaiians 6:30pm

Kenny Roberts 7:30pm

El Nino 7pm

Habenero Brothers 6:30pm

Cruz’n Fridays, Live Music $5, 10pm

Copacobana Night, $5, 10pm

Karaoke w/James 10pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

36 Keala Place, Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

MON - Steve Mendoza, 7pm, TUE-WED - Da Hawaiians, 7pm

DA KINECALENDAR With a style reminiscent of such artists as Cat Stevens and Arlo Guthrie, Makana personifies the direction of ki ho´alu in this new millennium, with an open eye on the world music scene. His gentle to commanding arrangements reflect his own style and character, while carrying forward the spirit of Hawaii´i. Tickets: $25. 7:30 pm, McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-SHOW.

He continues to be one of the most popular pianists of this generation. Acclaimed as a true aristocrat of the keyboard, his playing combines elegance, clarity and electrifying power. Tickets: $35-$28-$10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Willie Nelson with The Planetary Bandits Nov 19. 4th Annual Maui Music Fest. This year the Montessori School welcomes special guests Pat Simmons of the Doobie Brothers, Rickie Lee Jones with bassist Rob Wassermann along with Hanaiali'i Gilliom & Eric Gilliom, Marty Dread, Gail Swanson joined by Maui finest local musicians. Tickets: $50$40. 5 p.m., A & B Amphitheater, MACC. 242-SHOW

Kamapua'a - Nov 6. A theatrical production in the Hawaiian language by Ka Halau Hanakeaka, representing a Hawaiian perspective on the story of Kamapua'a: pig-child of Hina and Kahiki'ula, pig-grandson of Kamaunuaniho, nemesis of volcano goddess Pele.

This tale covers the travels of Kamapua‘a: lively, bawdy, funny, good fight scenes and you don’t need to speak Hawaiian to ‘get it. Tickets: $22-$16-$10. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC 242-SHOW.

David Sedaris - Nov. 14. Best-selling author and humorist will read from his work, which is presented

by UpWest Arts and Hawaii Public Radio. Tickets: $40$35-$30-$25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242SHOW.

Harlem Gospel Choir - Nov 7. Part of the Global Rhythms Series. The world-famous Harlem Gospel Choir travels the globe to share the joy of faith through music, with some of the finest singers and musicians from African-American churches in Harlem. The Choir has performed with artists as diverse as U2, Diana Ross, Lyle Lovett, and The Chieftains, for audiences ranging from small churches to 'command performances' for the Pope (twice!) and Nelson Mandela. This foot-stomping, hand-clapping, joyous show is guaranteed to lift up your spirits. Tickets: $25-18-10 5 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC 242-7469.

Maui On Tap II - Nov 14. Presented by Maui Tap Experience 2004. An exciting live tap concert, and the highlight of this year's three-day tap dance festival!

Featuring dynamic performances by guest professionals Julie Cartier, artistic director of Especially Tap Chicago; Jimmy Payne, Jr. of the Chicago Human Rhythm Project; and John Kloss, artistic director of the Bay Area Tap Festival. Tickets: $20 adults, students $15. 7 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, 242-SHOW. Na Lani `Eha - Nov 20. Four kumu hula and their halau from Maui join one of the most respected kumu hula of Hawaii`i and her halau to honor the ancestors in chant, dance and song. Hokulani Holt-Padilla with Halau Pa`u O Hi`iaka, Pali Ahue with Na Maile Ku Honua,

Jon Nakamatsu - Nov 8. With family roots on Maui and Molokai Jon Nakamatsu is the only American to win the Gold Medal in the prestigious Van Cliburn International Piano Competition in the past 20 years.

WIN A TRIP TO THE

UH VS MICHIGAN FOOTBALL GAME

Monday & Saturday Nights through Saturday, Nov. 13th

• • • •

2 Tickets to Game Airfare Car & Hotel Tailgate Party Must be present to win

2

$

26

OCTOBER 21, 2004

DA KINE CALENDAR

.25 Miller Lite Bottles MGD Bottles 16oz Drafts

Keali`i Reichel with Halau Ke`alaokamaile, and Napua Greig & Kahulu Maluo-Huber with Halau Na Lei Kaumaka O Uka. This program of Na Lani ‘Eha The Four Royals celebrates the life and accomplishments of royal siblings King Kalakaua, Queen Lili‘uokalani, Princess Likelike and Prince Leleiohoku. Tickets: $35$25-$10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC 242-SHOW. Burt Bacharach - Nov. 21. The legendary composer of 52 remarkable Top 40 hits: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” Look of Love" "Close to You" "Blue on Blue" "What's New Pussycat" "Walk On By" Burt Bacharach's songs combine elements of jazz, Brazilian music, torch songs and rock into memorable melodies with compositions that are meticulously crafted and technically sophisticated. Tickets: $75, $65, $55, $35.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Keola Beamer & R. Carlos Nakai - Nov 27. Soothe the soul and lift the spirit with the nahenahe music of two internationally recognized, award winning master musicians. Slack key guitar virtuoso, Keola Beamer is one of Hawaii`'s most beloved performers. The recipient of multiple Na Hoku Hanahono awards, his best-selling releases are both innovative and enthralling. R. Carlos Nakai, the world's premier Native American flutist. Tickets: $35, $30 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater. 242-7439.

Neil Sedaka - Dec. 9. For almost five decades, Neil Sedaka’s timeless standards have entered the lexicon of popular culture and helped change the face of popular music. Hit singles such as “Breaking Up is Hard To Do,” “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen,” “Laughter in the Rain,” are among the 1000 plus songs penned and or performed by Neil. As a prolific and versatile author and performer, Neil never ceases to draw in audiences from all over the world. Tickets $45, $38, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Bela Fleck - Dec. 12. Cancelled.

Matt Haimovitz - Dec 19. Haimovitz manifests a serious approach to the work, but his warm demeanor and natural expressiveness draw all audiences to share in his passion for the music. He is equally at ease playing the masterwork's in the world’s concert halls or in pubs, clubs and pizza parlors! A celebrated performer, teacher and record label entrepreneur, Tickets: $18.

7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

EVENTs FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22 Emmanuel Lutheran School Pumpkin Festival Fri-Sat, 5-10 p.m at Emmanuel Lutheran School, Kahului.

The 8th annual festival will have live entertainment with Gomega, Brian Funai & friends, along with games, a silent action and ono foods. A pumpkin patch with over 8,000 lbs of pumpkins. Free. For info, call 873-6334.

New Men’s Group Starting - 7-10 p.m. Lower Kula Rd. The intention of this group is to explore our cultural and gender based conditioning as men and what happens to our experience if this conditioning starts to dissolve. For info, call 876-0485.

Keep the Glass (while they last)

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23

Gift & Craft Fair Fundraiser - 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Lihikai School Cafeteria in Kahului. A variety of vendors will be on hand to sell handmade and unique gift items.

Food will be sold as well as snack packs, baked goods and Tupperware, which will help to raise scholarship funds to send a deserving student majoring in Business Technology to Maui Community College as well as provide continuing education programs for individuals in the administrative-support field. For info, call 572-9528.

Mr. Wine Presents Bonny Doon Wine Tour - 7-9 p.m. at Roy’s Kahana. Featuring 13 wines from the famous Bonny Doon Winery, a chocolate fountain and gourmet cheeses. $25. For info, call 661-5551.

Maui Market Place 7th Anniversary Celebration - 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. at Maui Market Place.

Fun for the family, this event will have entertainment along with a magician, ice cream and cake along with great giveaways. Live remote with emcees from KPOA. For info, call 873-0400.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27 Halloween Dance - 6:30-9 p.m. at the Kihei Community Center. Competing for amazing prizes in the Academy's 2004 Costume Contest. Along with Goblins, Ghosts, Devils and other scary dancers while dancing to ballroom and Latin music and eating a cauldron of potluck dishes. Tickets: $10. For more info, call 874-0638.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria – John Kane, Wed, Thu and Fri; Harry Troupe, Sat; Kaleo Phillips, Sun; Clay Mortenson Mon, Tue. All sets from 7:30-10 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

Cafe O’Lei - Steve Argenti, Tue-Fri 5:30-9 p.m. 839 Front St., Lahaina, 661-9491.

Cheeseburger in Paradise – Brooks Maguire, Thu, Sat, Sun and Wed; Harry Troupe, Fri; Gail Swanson, Mon and Tue. All sets from 4:30-7:30 p.m. and 8-11 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Cool Cat Cafe - Thu & Mon The Whale Shark Erik Pietsch. 7 p.m. Howard Ahia Fri-Sun, 6:30 - Close. How Phat, Wed. 7 - 10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Nino Toscano, Thur, Fri,. Kawika Lum Ho, Sat, , Damien Tue, E rnest Puaa, Sun, Wed. Brian Haia, Mon All sets from 6-9 p.m. 4405 Honoapiilani Highway, 669-3474.

Hula Grill - Kawika Lum and Albert & Billy, Mon; Jarret Roback and Albert & Billy, Tue; Ernest Pua’a and don, Brian & Damien, Wed; Ernest Pua’a and Bradah Brian & Don Th; Ernest Pua’a and & Kawika Lynn; Fr; Kawika Lum and Da Ukulele Boyz, Sat; Kawika Lum and Ryan Tanaka & Friends, Sun. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building P, Kaanapali, 667-6636.

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz – The Hazard County Sheriffs Funk Rock and Soul Fri-Sat only 8 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., 667-0787.

thursday10/21

friday10/22

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

saturday10/23 sunday10/24

Carrol Brothers 10pm-12am

The Willies 10-12 am

Karaoke 9:30pm

Karaoke 9:30pm

monday10/25 – wednesday10/27

LIFE’S A BEACH

DJs Nolu & Sol No cover, 9pm

John Moore Project No cover, 9pm

Chisel No cover, 9pm

Free Karaoke No cover, 9pm

MON - Open Jam w/Adam 9pm; TUE - Crunch Pups, No cover, 9pm; WED - Guy’s Night Out, 9pm

LOBBY LOUNGE

Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Clay Mortensen & George Tavoularis, 8:30-11:30pm

Tiffany Lee & Josh, 8:30-11:30pm

Pam Peterson & Rudy Baria, 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Tiffany Lee & Josh, 8:30-11:30pm; WED - Clay Mortensen & Gilbert Emata, 8:30-11:30pm, No cover

LONGHI’S 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288 LONGHI’S Shops at Wailea - 891-8883

Willie K $7, 10pm

Live Entertainment $5, 10pm

Merv Ohana No cover, 8pm

The Whillys No cover, 8pm

Larry Council Band No cover, 8pm

Service Industry Night, No cover, 9pm

MON - Monster Mondays, No cover; TUE - Tini Tuesdays, No cover; WED - Karaoke night w/Tyrone, No cover, 8-11pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

LULU’S

1945-H S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

DA KINECALENDAR Kahana Terrace Restaurant – Harry Troupe, Tue and Thu; Randy Reno, Sat. All sets from 6-9 p.m.

Sands of Kahana Resort, 669-5399.

Kimo’s – Sam Ahia, Wed thru Sun, 7-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Leilani’s On The Beach – Crazy Fingers, Thu, 4-6 p.m.; JD & Mario, Fri - Sat, 2:30 -5:30 p.m.; Kilohana, Sun, 2:30-5:30 p.m; 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building J, Kaanapali, 661-4495.

Moose McGillycuddy’s - Greg & Steve, Thu; Llayne & Greg, Fri; Mark & Mike, Sat-Sun; Anastasia, Wed. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

Pancho and Lefty’s Cantina & Restaurant Thu; Neto Peraza 5-8 p.m. Sun; Mexican Sunday DJ Miguel. 658 Front St., Lahaina, in the Wharf Cinema Center, 661-4666.

Dr.Nat Available for private events,

Yorman’s By The Sea – All That Jazz Band, Wed,- Sun 7 p.m.- 10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei 874-8385.

Live Jazz. Sun Anik 6-9 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

CENTRAL MAUI

RESORT SHOWS

Mañana Garage – Nightly Neto & Friends, Latin music, 6:30 -9 p.m. 33 Lono Ave., Kahului, 873-0220.

parties & weddings

WEST MAUI

Ono Restaurant – Live dinner music every Friday 5:30- 8:30 p.m. 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku 244-5117.

Embassy Vacation Resort – Kaanapali Beach 104 Kaanapali Shores, Lahaina, 661-2000

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Jacque’s - Mon, Live Jazz; 120 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-8844.

Ohana Bar & Grill: Live music, Thu & Wed; Patrick Major, Fri; Wayne & Friends, Sat; Scott Baird & Gretchen, Sun; Ernest Pua’a w/ Hawaiian music, Mon & Tue. All sets from 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

Livewire Cafe - Various Artist Tue 7-10 p.m. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009.

Hyatt Regency Maui 200 Nohea Kai Drive, Kaanapali, 661-1234

Moana Cafe - Vintage Hawaiian Music Wed, Fri

“Tony ‘n Tina’s Wedding” Tue, Thu, Sat, 6:30 p.m. at Spats Trattoria. Torchlighting ceremony at 6:15 nightly

Solo/duets and with Pacificaribe Jacque’s every Monday 7-10pm No Cover (3-5 piece) playing Latin, Gypsy and Brazilian Jazz, Reggae, Contemporary Island Style or with Hot Tropical Latin/Brazilian dance band Rio Ritmo Casanova, 9:45pm Sat. October 23rd (6-9 piece) playing Salsa, Samba, Pop Latin

Call 572-9536 for booking orvisit website www.drnat.com

Pioneer Inn – Ah-Tim Eleniki (Local-style guitar), Thu; 6-9pm; Greg Di Piazza, Wed 6-9 pm., 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Reilley’s Steaks & Seafood - Live music (grand piano) 6-9 p.m., Gene Argelle, Mon and Tue; Joel Gold, Wed; Thu, Darrin Lenett, Fri. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 Sea House Restaurant – Hawaiian music with Albert Kaina and Kincades Basques, Thu, Kincade Basques, Fri, Sat, Mon,Tues Kapule Paoa, Sun, Albert Kaina, Wed All sets 7 p.m. - 9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapiilani Road, Napili, 669-1500.

Sir Wilfred’s at Whalers Village - Maui West Side Jazz, featuring some Maui’s greatest musicians, 2:30-5 p.m. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Lahaina, 6610202.

SOUTH MAUI

HRC MAUI

Bada Bing - Hilarious Improv Comedy with The Pono Players. Dinner & Show $35. Seating 5:30-7 pm 1945 S. Kihei Rd. in Kihei 875-0188.

900 Front St., Lahaina Info: 808.667.7400

FRI, OCT 22ND

Blue Marlin Harbor-Front Grill & Bar - Fri, Mon Boy Kana’e and Ka’ Uhaneleo Sat Braddah Frances and friends 6:30 p.m. Sun Terri Garrison 4 - 6:30 p.m Maalaea Harbor, 244-8844.

HAPPY HOUR 10-CLOSE DRINK SPECIALS

Capische? – Mark Johnston; Thu-Sat; Brian Cuomo Su, Wed; Sal & Estaire Godinez, Mon.; all sets 7-10 p.m. Diamond Resort, 555 Kaukahi, 879-2224.

MON, OCT 25TH REGGAE AT THE ROCK WITH

Maalaea Grill – Benoit Jazz Works, Thu, Fri and Sun, 6:30-9 p.m.; Jimmy C Jazz, Sat, 7-9 p.m. Maalaea Village Shops, 243-2206.

MARTY DREAD

Marco’s Southside Grill – Various artists (piano), Mon -Sun. All sets from 7-10 p.m. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041.

10:30PM - $5 COVER

Mulligan’s on the Blue – Fri ,Tue, Wailea Nights, Barry Flanagan & Eric Gilliom, dinner and show. 810p.m.; Celtic Tigers, Sun, 7-10 p.m., 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

FRI, OCT 29TH

PRE-HALLOWEEN COSTUME BALL

Seawatch Restaurant - Pianist Angela Carr, Fri, 6-9 p.m.; guitarist Luis Diaz, Sat, 6-9 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., 875-8080.

w / MARTY DREAD! TRY OUT YOUR COSTUME! DRINK SPECIALS! 10PM to CLOSE $5

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café – Latin guitar w/ Luis Diaz, Wed-Fri; guitar and vocals w/ Brado, Sat; Brian Wittman Sun-Mon; Patrick Mayor, Tue All sets from 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983.

LETTERS

NEWS

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HAPPY HOUR! 3-6pm & 10pm-12am EXCEPT SPECIAL EVENTS h a r d r o c k . c o m

DINING

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OCTOBER 21, 2004

27

DA KINECALENDAR followed by live Hawaiian entertainment 6:30-9:30 nightly in the Weeping Banyan: Sam Fukuhara, Thu, Sun-Tue; Larry Gollis, Fri and Sat; Stephanie Anderson, Wed; "Drums of the Pacific" luau by Tihati, 5:30-8 nightly.

Swan Court. The Blue Note Swing Orchestra, Dancing nightly to Swing.Tue,Th, Sat, 2 p.m.- 4 p.m.

Spats: Weeping Banyan Lounge with nightly Live Hawaiian Contemporary Music 6:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.

Dancing with DJ Blast Sat top 40 hits Sat 9:30 p.m.

Ka’anapali Beach Hotel 2525 Kaanapali Parkway, 661-0011 Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages Illusions and dinner show Tue-Sat, 4:30 p.m., Kanahele Room; Lanui, live music and dancing, 6-9 nightly. Free hula show, 6:30-7:30 nightly; Sunday Champagne Brunch with Hawaiian music by Polinahe, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Kapalua Bay Hotel 1 Bay Drive, Kapalua, 669-5656 The Bay Club: Jazz trio, Fri and Sat, 6-9 p.m.; solo pianist, Sun-Thu, 6-9 p.m.; Gardenia Court: contemporary Hawaiian music, Sun, 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.; Lehua Lounge: Free hula show nightly 5:30-7 and contemporary Hawaiian music 7-8:30.

Maui Marriott

100 Nohea Kai Drive, Kaanapali, 667-1200 Nalu’s: Kilohana, Wed, 8-10:30 p.m.

Napili Kai Beach Resort 5900 Honoapiilani Highway, Napili, 669-1500 Hawaiian Music: Kincaid & Albert, Thu; Kincaid Basques Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed; All Hawaiian music shows from 7-9 p.m.

Ritz-Carlton Kapalua One Ritz-Carlton Drive, Kapalua, 669-6200 Lobby Lounge: Live music, 6-10 nightly. Banyan Tree Restaurant: World fusion duo Ranga Pae, Fri-Tue, 6:15-9:45 p.m.

Kapalua Kapalua Indoor Amphitheater Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Concerts. Every Tues 6:30 p.m.- 8:30 p.m. Tickets: $35 visitor and $25 kama`aina.

Royal Lahaina Resort 2780 Kekaa Drive, Kaanapali, 661-3611 "Eddie and Eddie" w/Eddie Lilikoi and Eddie Sebala, 5-9:30 nightly in the Royal Ocean Terrace. Royal Lahaina Luau featuring authentic Hawaiian and Polynesian song and dance at 5 nightly.

Thursday - Friday - Saturday OCTOBER

28-29-30

Tickets: $45, $35, $28, $10 - 1/2 price kids 12 & under

CALL 242-SHOW (7469) 28

OCTOBER 21, 2004

DA KINE CALENDAR

thursday10/21

friday10/22

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Rock Hard Tark No cover, 9pm

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Wailea Nights 7:30pm

Wailea Nights 7:30pm

Murry Thorne No cover, 9pm

Celtic Tigers No cover, 7-10pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific, No cover, 7-9pm; TUE-WED - No Entertaiment

Information not available

Information not available

Information not available

Information not available

Information not available

No entertainment

No entertainment

Closed

MON - Jarret Roback, No cover, 5:30pm; TUE - Kaleo Cullen, No cover, 5:30pm; WED - Wilson Kanakaole, No cover, 5:30pm

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-Midnight

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-Midnight

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

NEPTUNES

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-2555

ONO RESTAURANT

2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku - 244-5117

PACIFIC’O

505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

saturday10/23 sunday10/24

monday10/25 – wednesday10/27 MON - DJ Mackie Mac; TUE - DJ Mackie Mac & Big Zeek , $5, 9pm; WED - DJ Mackie Mac, No cover, 9pm

Mexican Sunday, DJ Miguel 9:30pm-1am

PANCHO & LEFTY’S

658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4666

Damien Awai 9pm

PARADICE BLUZ 744 Front St. 667-5299

DJ 1/2 Pint 9pm

Voodoo Suns 9pm

MON - Live Monday Night Football, TUE - Tahitian Tues, 9pm; WED - Live Blues w/KONI 104.7, 9pm

NFL Sundays

DA KINECALENDAR Sheraton Maui Hotel 2605 Kaanapali Parkway, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar Entertainment w/hula dancers, 6-8 nightly: Bobby & Ralph, Thu, Mon & Tue; Ralph & Allan, Fri; Fausto & Kawaika, Sat and Sun; Nathan & Ralph, Wed; torchlighting & cliff diving ceremony at sunset, 7-8 nightly.

Hula Grill: Contemporary Hawaiian music in the Barefoot Bar. 3-5 p.m Ernest Pua’a Wed-Fri, . Kawika Lum Sat-Mon. Jarret Roback, Tue; 6-9 p.m. Mon-Tue Albert & Billy, Roy& Brian, Wed-Thu; Ryan Tanaka & Friends, Sun.

SOUTH MAUI

The Westin Maui Hotel 2365 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-2525

Four Seasons Resort Wailea 3900 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 874-8000

Colonnade Asian Noodle Cafe Benny Uyetake, Thu-Fri, Tue-Wed; Mitch Kepa, Sun-Mon both 6-9 p.m.; Mitch Kepa, 5:30-8:30 p.m.

Lobby Lounge, Hawaiian music w/Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran, Thu, 5:30-7:30 p.m. followed by jazz w/Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; contemporary music w/Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis, Fri, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; island style trio, Sat and Mon, 5:307:30 p.m. w/hula dancer 5:30-6:30 p.m.; Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria, Sun, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; Tiffany Lee and Josh Mon and Sat, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata, Wed, 8:30-11:30 p.m. Sunset torchlight-

Ono Surf Bar & Grill: Live music nightly Sat-Mon Mitch Kep, Hawaiian Guitar & Vocal. Tue- Fri Benny Uyetake, guitar vocalist.

Tropica: Tue- Sat, Live Music, 6 - 9pm. Tableside magic by Fortunato Tue & Thu, and Wed& Sat 7- 9p.m.

ing nightly.

Peterson Mon and Sat, Mitch Kepa & Raymond "Mundo" Medeiros. Paradise & Ka Poe O Hawaii perform at the Luau, Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri.

Grand Wailea Resort Hotel & Spa 3850 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1234

Renaissance Wailea Beach Resort 3550 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 879-4900

Botero Bar entertainment, 5:30-9:30 nightly: Larry Golis, Thu; Brian Mansano, Fri; Ricardo, Sat; Luis Diaz, Sun thru Tue; Mitch Kepa, Wed; Strolling Hawaiian duo in the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a nightly.

Sunset Terrace; Live music by Lono, Thu; Brado Mamalias, Fri; Rama Camarillo, Sat-Sun; Bobby Krueger, Mon-Wed; all sets 6-9 p.m. Wailea Sunset Luau, Tue, Thu and Sat, 6-8:30 p.m.

The Fairmont Kea Lani Maui 4100 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-4100

Maui Prince Hotel 5400 Makena Alanui, 874-1111

Jazz entertainment from 6-9 nightly in the Lobby Bar. Wailea Marriott 3700 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 879-1922

Molokini Lounge: Ron Kuala’au, Hawaiian and contemporary guitar and vocals, Sun, 6-10:30 p.m. and Tue, Thu and Sat, 6-8:30 p.m. Mele ‘Ohana duo, Mon, Wed. and Fri, 6-8 p.m., Mon-Sat, 8:30-10:30 p.m. and Mon, Wed and Fri, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Hawaiian entertainment w/hula 6-9 nightly in Kumu Bar & Grill. Hawaiian entertainment 9-11 nightly in the Mele Mele Lounge featuring Pam Gamboa

HALLOWEEN HEADQUARTERS

OCTOBER SUNDAY 17

MONDAY

TUESDAY

18

19

10AM

LIVE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL OPEN 2PM

10-1 • OPEN 9

24

25

26

NFL SUNDAYS

MAUI’S TRUE LIVE FRIDAY MUSIC VENUE WEDNESDAY THURSDAY SATURDAY 20

TAHITIAN LIVE BLUES TUESDAYS BOBBY INGRAM w/KONI 104.7fm

21

22

23

DAMIEN AWAI

VOODOO SUNS

DJ 1/2 PINT

10-1

10-1 • OPEN 9

28

29

30

KALEO LIVE 7-9 DAMIEN AWAI

GINA MARTINELLI

2 MAN GROUP

10-1 • OPEN 9

10-1 • OPEN 9

NFL SUNDAYS 10AM

NIGHTLY MARTINI& IALS SHOT SPEC

LIVE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL OPEN 2PM

27

TAHITIAN LIVE BLUES TUESDAYS BOBBY INGRAM 10-1 • OPEN 9

w/KONI 104.7fm 10-1 • OPEN 9

31

1

LIVE MONHALLOWEEN DAY NIGHT HEADQUARTER! FOOTBALL 10AM OPEN 2PM

2

3

TAHITIAN LIVE BLUES TUESDAYS BOBBY INGRAM 10-1 • OPEN 9

w/KONI 104.7fm 10-1 • OPEN 9

10-1 • OPEN 9

10-1

4 THICKER THAN THIEVES 7-9

GOMEGA

5

6

GROUNDATION

KARMA

10-1 • OPEN 9

PRODUCTIONS DJ DANCING

10-1

10-1 • OPEN 9

744 FRONT STREET • A FEW STEPS BELOW FRONT STREET • 667-JAZZ (5299) • paradicebluz.com LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

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DINING

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FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

29

SANDBAR & GRILL

89 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8742

SANSEI 115 Bay Dr., Kapalua - 669-6286 SANSEI Kihei Town Center - 879-0004

thursday10/21

friday10/22

DJ Night No cover, 9pm

Planetary $5, 10pm

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

saturday10/23 sunday10/24

Hyatt Regency, Kaanapali - 667-4727

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

Open Jukebox 9pm

Kenny Roberts & Friends 9pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Crunch Pups $3, 9pm

Funky Munkey & Friends $3, 9pm

STUDIO MAUI

DJ Jashana $8, 7:30-9pm

Del Djembe & Friends $5, 7:30pm-11pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm-2am

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm-2am

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

MON - North Shore Sextet, No cover, 9pm; TUE - John Moore Project, No cover, 9pm; WED - Lawai’a, No cover, 10pm

The Easy & DJ Platelunch $5, 10pm

DJ Blast $10, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

monday10/25 – wednesday10/27

1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

810 Haiku St., Haiku - 575-9390

TSUNAMI NIGHTCLUB

3850 Wailea Alanui Dr. - 875-1234

Hale & The Hot Lava Band No cover, 9pm

MON - Monday Night Football, No cover; TUE - Habeneros Brothers No cover; WED - John Moore Project, 9pm

Sannyas Band $5, 7pm-9pm

DA KINECALENDAR Wow-Wee Maui’s Kava Bar & Grill: Marty Dread Kava & BBQ Party. Every Sunday 5 p.m. - 8 p.m. All age welcome. 333 Dairy Road, Kahului, 873-7133.

EAST MAUI Hotel Hana-Maui Hana, 248-8211 Hawaiian music in Paniolo Lounge, Thu thru Sun, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Hula show, every Thu and Sun, 7:30-8:15 p.m. in the Main Dining Room.

ART David Hamilton and Pat Hickman - Sun, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. at Schaefer International Gallery. Artists Pat Hickman and David Hamilton exhibit new works made both directly and indirectly in relation to that original project. The artists continue to share an interest in the manipulation of line through twisting, knotting, weaving, welding, wrapping and casting.

Free. For info, call 242-7469 Lahaina Arts Society Fundraiser - Through Oct. 31, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at Old Jail Gallery under the Banyan Tree Lahaina Town. This fundraiser, will consist of a halfprice sale of artwork, made exclusively by Maui artists, plus art supplies at half-price. The sale will include original paintings, giclees, prints, photographs, ceramics, jewelry, baskets, glasswork, woodcarvings and more.

Art supplies will include canvasses, frames, mattes, easels, jewelry supplies. For info, call 661-0111.

Maui Postcards From Paradise - Fri through Oct 28, at Ano-Ano Gallery and Gifts, Maui Mall, Kahului. Open to all artists. Awards include cash, best of show, award of merit and an award of excellence. Plus awards from area merchants. For info, call 879-0025.

KEIKI

y a d i r F 2nd er 2 Octob

Spooky Stories Local Style - Thu, 6:30 p.m. at Wailuku Public Library. Kathy Collins tells her scariest stories in honor of this year’s Teen Read Week theme.

Come and be scared before Halloween. Everyone who likes spooky stories is welcome. Free. For info, call 243-5766.

Maui Family YMCA Host Haunted House - Fri, 6 p.m. at Queen Ka’ahumanu Center, Kahului. YMCA will be hosting a very scary good time for all ages. The Haunted House will run through Halloween. Various hours each day. Admission $6. For info, call 877-3369.

world. Free. For info, call 331-0910.

POLITICAL West Maui Taxpayers Association's Candidates' Night - Thu, 5-9 p.m. at the Lahaina Civic Center, Social Hall. Complimentary Dinner hosted by the Kahana Outback Steakhouse. Event to feature all Maui County Council Candidates, West Maui House and Senate Candidates. AKAKU will tape event for rebroadcast. For info, call 280-9111.

Fahrenheit 911 Returns To Maui - Fri ,7 p.m. at MCC Ka Lama 103. This international hit is a searing examination of the Bush administration's actions in the wake of the tragic events of 9/11. Also to be shown is an eight-minute documentary by Lance Holter filmed in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

Free. For info, call 573-3255.

Maui Talks TV - Tue, 7 p.m. on Channel 53. A live, public affairs, call-in talk show, with your host Nikhilananda, Election Special. Tune in and call during the taping of the show. For info, call 873-3430, or 888577-6240 on Molokai and Lanai.

Politics In Paradise - Wed, 6- 9 p.m. at the Maui Community College, Student Lounge. The film features interviews with candidates, elected representatives and average citizens. Politics in Paradise is an inside look at campaigns, candidates and Maui's unique flavor of politics. The showing of the film will be interspersed with dynamic facilitated discussion.

Free. For info, call 889-5806.

SPORTS Waihe'e Hike for Maui Coastal Land Trust - Sun, 9 a.m. at the Land Trust office, Wailuku. Noted marine biologist and author, Ann Fielding will help guide a tour of Waihe'e Preserve, one of Maui's most scenic and secluded coastlines. along with a commentary by Scott Fisher on the area's history, extensive archaeological features and native plant life. Donation $5 for Sierra Club. $10 non members.

Nissan Xterra World Championship - Sun, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Wailea Marriott. This 9th annual event is the culmination of a global series of 78 events in 13 countries. An elite field will compete for $130,000 and the title of Xterra's World Champion. The course is a 1.5k swim, 30k mountain bike and 11k trail run and is televised for CBS Sports. For info, call 792-2613.

LECTURES The Dragon’s Den Lecture - Sat, 9:30-11:30 a.m. at The Dragon’s Den, Makawao. Mathew Hammond will speak on the exploration of natural healing and focusing on practical advice for personal health. This week’s topic is on colon, liver and parasite cleansing.

Free. For info, call 572-2424.

4 1 E . L I P O A S T R E E T, L I P O A C E N T E R , K I H E I • 8 7 9 - 9 0 0 1

30

OCTOBER 21, 2004

DA KINE CALENDAR

Socially Conscious Investing - Tue, 7:30 p.m. at The Studio Maui. Michael Kramer of Natural Investment Services, is speaking on the topic about how to save for your financial future with 200 socially conscious funds while making a difference in the

Send your listings & photos for the Da Kine Calendar to calendar@mauitime .com or fax (808) 661-0446

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LOADED! Includes cover, delivery, With Global TESOL College. Please and warranty. $2999, was $5999. 1- call for details 1-888-TESOL-US or 888-397-3529. (AAN CAN) visit www.GlobalTESOLUSA.com (AAN CAN)

ISLAND COINS & STAMPS

WE BUY & SELL

coins, tokens, medals, stamps, paper money, Hawaiiana, sport collectibles

667- 6155

CLASSIFIEDS

3rd floor Wharf Cinema Ctr.

32

BORED WITH LIFE ON LAND???

Escape Planet Earth, Visit Planet Ocean! Fly Weightless In Space with SHAKA DIVERS! Daily SCUBA Dives, Lessons, Tours. Flexible Schedule.

Call (808) 250-1234 It’s Shaka-rific! www. shakadivers.com PLACING AN AD IS EASY! CALL 661-3786

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES A $270,000/YEAR INCOME from HOME in first year. Proven system!! Training included. Not MLM. 800-808-8693 or visit: www.1-2WEALTH.com (AAN CAN)

CLASSIFIED

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company

EMPLOYMENT

WANNA HAVE FUN? WANT MORE HOURS?

MOVIE EXTRAS/

MODELS NEEDED! See us today for your interview!!

Earn up to $200 - $400 per day. No STUDENT LOANS experience required. PT/FT. All looks Up to $1,000 cash back! Lower and ages needed. Call now!! 1-800monthly payments up to 50%! Lock in 834-3259. (AAN CAN) Apply in person • Aplique ahora rates as low as 2.875%! Call 1-800YOUTH COUNSELOR/TEACHER 889 Front St., Lahaina 209-6142 (AAN CAN) Make a difference in at-risk kids lives.

A $250K+ 1st YEAR Get paid to canoe, backpack and make A $250K+ 1st Year Income friends you’ll keep for life. Year-round Opportunity. Home based. No person- residential positions, Excellent salary & al selling. Not MLM! Call 1-877-347- benefits. Online Application: www.eck3745 * 24 hrs. Training & Support erd.org. Or send resume: Career Advisor/ AN, Eckerd Youth Provided. (AAN CAN) Alternatives, PO Box 7450, Clearwater, EARN $3,500 WEEKLY!!

FL 33758. EOE. (AAN CAN) Answering Surveys Online! $25.00Entry level positions. High school students okay. We will train.

MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS $75.00 Per Survey! Guaranteed Earn up to $500/day for Paychecks! Mystery Shoppers Needed!

• Must Be Bright & Adaptable • Work With A Fun Team $57.00/Hour Shopping! FREE Cash television,CD/videos, film, fashion.

• School Credit Possible • Gain Valuable Experience Grants! Receive $500,000-$800,000!! One week course in Los Angeles Send resume to: Jen Russo www.RealCashPrograms.com (AAN while building portfolio.Brochure 3103 6 4 0 6 6 5 CAN) 658 Front St. #126A-7278, Lahaina HI 96761 w w w. M e d i a M a k e u p A r t i s t s . c o m or call 661-3786 x3# Leading financial institution (AAN CAN) approving small business, mortgage, GOVERNMENT JOBS personal and vehicle loans. Immediate WARREN & ANNABELLE’S EXPERIENCED DIVERS WANTED Earn $12-$48.00/HOUR. Available response. Give us a call at 1-866-2287382. Or apply online at www.invest- with full medical/ dental benefits, and Maui’s most fun and amazing show is Videographer positions available for commercial dive boat charter compapaid training on clerical, administra- looking to add: mentfinancial.org (AAN CAN) nies. Videography Training Available. tive, law enforcement, homeland Call PureDIGITAL Maui @ 808-870RESERVATIONIST/ADMIN. ASST. A $270,000/year security, wildlife, more! 1-800-3207537 or email info@pdmaui.com potential from HOME in 1st year. 9353 x2012. (AAN CAN) Maui’s premiere magic show is looking Proven System!!! Training included. for a daytime reservationist/admin. asst. YOUTH COUNSELOR/TEACHER Not MLM. 800-808-8693. (AAN CAN) Excellent phone skills and attention to Make a difference in at-risk kids lives. detail required!!! Fun, fast-paced, Get paid to canoe, backpack and make Maui Time Weekly $$CASH$$ friendly environment. Hourly wage friends you’ll keep for life. Year-round accepts credit cards Cash now for structured settlements, based on experience. Applications avail- residential positions, Excellent salary & for classified annuities, and insurance payouts. 800able Mon-Fri 9 am- 4pm Warren & benefits. Online Application: www.eckand display ads 794-7310. J.G. Wentworth.... JG. Annabelle’s 900 Front St., Lahaina No erd.org. Or send resume: Career WENTWORTH MEANS CASH NOW phone calls or faxes please.

Advisor/ AN, Eckerd Youth FOR STRUCTURED SETTLEMENTS. Alternatives, PO Box 7450, Clearwater, (AAN CAN) FL 33758. EOE.(AAN CAN)

Ad Deadline Monday 4pm To Advertise Call 661-3786 Fax Number 808.661-0446 Email classifieds@mauitime.com Website www.mauitime.com Mailing 658 Front Street #126A-7278 • Lahaina, HI Drop off 505 Front St. Ste. 216, Lahaina

OCTOBER 21, 2004

ALL CASH CANDY ROUTE! Do you earn $800 in a day? Your own local candy route. Includes 30 Machines and Candy. All for $9,995.

1-800-807-6525. (AAN CAN)

REFINANCE EXISTING

NOW HIRING ALL POSITIONS

Looking For A Little Experience?

Is Seeking Interns.

CHARGE IT!

CLASSIFIED LINE AD RATES 5 lines included – approx. 140 characters

Frequencies of 1-8weeks Frequencies of 9-26weeks Frequencies of 27-52weeks

$15/week* $11/week* $8/week*

Additional lines are $3 per each - bold and/or caps are $3 per line *Does not apply to Backside or Adult Services. Please call for pricing details.

CASTING:TV series seeks people struggling with painful compulsions; eating disorders, addictions to danger, video games, steroids, hoarding, sex, plastic surgery. Please visit www.habitstv.com for information. (AAN CAN)

Maui Recycling Service If not now, when?

When you subscribe for 3 months of bi-weekly service – (A $25 value!)

New customers only – offer expires 10/31/04

Your zodiac symbol is a centaur, a mythical beast with the upper half of a man joined to the body of a horse.

It’s this roving lower half that gets you into the most trouble (and helps you have the most fun). It keeps you wandering—in and out of places, relationships and philosophies. A very exciting life, to be sure, but one that can leave you feeling unsettled and uncertain at times—especially when some of those you’ve disappointed or left behind catch up with you to give you shit. Usually you’d just wander on until you were out of range of their nagging, but this time I encourage you to try something else: making it right. You have a better chance to set an honorable new precedent now than you’ve had in a long time. Give it a go.

Maui Lawn Works

S. & W. MAUI CONDOS from

$119,000

from

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) I have a postcard on my wall sent to me by my best Goat friend from the Czech Republic on his last worldtraveling adventure. It says, “Never resist exploring derelict places.” I admire this fellow because he’s learned to apply his Capricornian determination and stick-to-it-iveness to seeking out adventure wherever he is. He finds and explores derelict places, whether they’re bombed buildings or someone’s wounded soul. He’s dedicated to this mission, he can even find mystery in the familiar environs of a city bus. How many adventures are you missing out on, because you believe they only happen in the movies? You’re in one now. Notice it.

“we do all the work . . . so you can enjoy your yard”

W. & S. MAUI HOMES $375,000

Surf the Maui MLS Listings at www.barrybrownmaui.com Barry Lee Brown (R) P.O. Box 11782 • Lahaina

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Pay attention to the little things. This week will be rife with subtle, significant changes, but unless you’re prepared to notice them, they’ll pass you right by. If you’re waiting for big, explosive action and dramatic twists of fate, you’ll feel like nothing at all happened this week. But if you start observing all the minute differences that will suddenly manifest, you’ll be in a position to appreciate (and take advantage of) them. You may even conclude, some months or years down the line, that this week was the turning point that led to some of the most magnificent events in your life—but only because you were lucky and quiet enough to actually take note of them.

Jason Meyer

(808) 661-1800

573-1920

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

Kids have a knack for finding hidden places. They naturally seek out nooks in which to conceal treasures, or themselves, safe refuges from authority and observation where they can experiment. As adults, we lose or suppress this instinct, but I think that’s unwise—most of all for you ever-changing Pisces. More than anyone, you need a secret haven from the world in which you can keep your most precious and enigmatic bits, and where you can be anyone or anything. This week, find the spot that’s going to become your new classified headquarters. Then, at least once a week from now on, go there and play.

AD DEADLINE MONDAY 4PM

ALL AREAS COOL TRAVEL JOB. ROOMMATE.COM. Entry level positions, 18+, no experience necessary, 2 weeks paid train- Browse hundreds of online listings ing, transportation, lodging provided. with photos and maps. Find your $500 signing bonus to start. TOLL roommate with a click of the mouse!

FREE 1-877-646-5050. (AAN CAN) Visit: www.Roommates.com (AAN CAN)

MUSIC & ARTS

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

244-0443 • www.mauirecycles.com

Need regional or national

$ MODELS WANTED $ For calendar magazine and artistic print work. Ages 18 to 35. 573-3712

Rely on body-heat this week to keep warm. It’s a good time to spend days on end in bed, provided you have someone to cuddle and love, even if it’s just a long-neglected pinch-hitter. Play Happy Domestic Couple for a while, as it’s likely to be ages before you again have the time or opportunity. Yep, for the next couple months you’re going to be out and about in the big bad world, freezing your ass off and having fun adventures, but certainly not feeling this cozy and comfortable. So take my advice, and enjoy it while you can.

FREE Recycling Bins – And No Sign-up Fee!

COUNTER HELP NEEDED At Maui’s Favorite Place to Work!..The Aloha Grill. $9/hour plus benefits. Line Cook also needed, Call for Details 893-0263

VACATION RENTALS

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Your mortality looms. From it sprouts a compulsion to create something lasting, permanent. Many Rams, under this dread influence, take up rock-sculpting, oil painting or reproduction, despite never having shown an aptitude or interest in sculpture, fine art or raising children. Big mistake. Switching paths so dramatically and blindly isn’t really the answer—and could cause a lot of expense and/or pain. Check it out—there’s a way to create something that will still be around that’s simply the logical next step to what you’ve been up to all along. Don’t second-guess yourself now by finding something new to do. Instead make what you already do matter.

TO ADVERTISE Call 661-3786

ARTS

CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation *MOVIE EXTRAS* Earn up to $200-$600/ day. All looks, rental from $49 per day. Call Toll Free types and ages needed. TV, music Wailuku Guesthouse 877-986-8270 or videos, commercials, films & print. www.wailukuhouse.com Work with the best! “Extras on Call” 1-800-260-3949 ext 3001. (AAN CAN)

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Your friends might secretly begin calling you The Blob, if you’re not careful. Your natural lethargy—perfectly understandable, given the change of seasons and astrological influences—is getting the best of you. Don’t let it nix your productivity, even if it takes three times as much energy as usual just to maintain your usual schedule.

Next week’s Full Moon in Taurus carries tremendous potential to set up some sweet things for yourself, but only if you hustle from now until then. Don’t give your friends any reason to coin new unflattering nicknames for you.

Overcome the urge to loaf and relax—there’s time enough for that next month.

CAMPING

in Hana on organic farm

INDICT LAURA BUSH. Consciousness of guilt. The lies of Laura Bush. Laura Bush, a threat to national security! See the case for premeditation at www.childbutcher.com (AAN CAN)

5 min. from Red Sand Beach and stores Long term/short term

248-7621

SERVICES

PREGNANT AND ALONE? We can help! We provide solutions, not judgment. Free confidential consultation. Relocation and Financial assistance available. Adoption Insight.

1-800-361-9333. (AAN CAN) ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not submitted directly to us. If you have a question directly concerning AAN CAN, please check out aancan.org

REAL ESTATE FOR SALE ICE HOUSE LOFTS “Living in Tucson Just Got Cooler.” $195 Sq. FT. Conversion of 1920s Ice House. Pre-construction contracts now being taken. (520) 623-LOFT www.icehouselofts.com.

Metro Realty Advisors LLC. (AAN CAN)

SERVICES MAUI RECYCLING SERVICE Picks up all your glass, plastic, aluminum, tin, mixed paper, & cardboard.

Home Pickup; a convenience for $16/mo!

Bi-monthly pick up.

Commercial accounts avail. Call Now! 244-0443

CLASSIFIEDS

NOTICES

CHARGE IT! Maui Time Weekly accepts credit cards for classified and display ads

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

CURBSIDE RECYCLING!

MY SECRET GARDEN Is looking for attractive, feminine applicants who are dependable, confident, friendly & have social etiquette for escort service and/or sensuous bodywork. No experience necessary but must have an open mind. Work is fun with us and the pay is excellent.

579-6400

recruitment exposure?

Advertise your hard-to-fill positions in more than 100 newspapers just like this one and reach up to 17 million young, active, educated readers! Go to www.aancan.com or contact this newspaper for more info. (AAN CAN)

SIGNLANGUAGE

FAX NUMBER 808.661-0446

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Cultural programming is bullshit and you refer to it too often. What you ought to be doing and feeling— according to family, lovers, society—isn’t nearly as important as what you’re actually doing and feeling. Forget putting on a public face. Honor your own emotions, no matter how “inappropriate” they might be. Don’t consider how they stack up against what people in movies experience. Your culture deserves to be shaped by the folks who actually occupy it, not the media they consume. This week, act how you want, and let the world adapt.

Surprisingly, it will.

EMAIL

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

classifieds@mauitime.com

A friend had a serious health scare recently. He didn’t panic, though. He played. He and his friends made a performance piece out of it. He staged his own death while everyone flipped out and grieved—often hilariously—making it into a tragicomic spectacle. I was amazed at how he met his potentially awful fate with humor, grace and even silliness. You could learn from him, Cancer. You privately predict dire destinies for you and yours every other day. Resist being consumed with worry over things that aren’t even real (at least not yet);If you can’t resist thinking these dark thoughts, at least make fun of them. For now, when it’s still unrealized potential, just play.

WEBSITE

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

www.mauitime.com

Everything dies. You know this is true, but autumn makes it so depressingly obvious, with the leaves abandoning their trees to lie brown and crunchy underfoot, and insects buzzing in confused, weak circles, waiting for the cold to finish them off. No wonder it’s your least favorite season. During winter you quietly blaze, a secret burning heart hidden beneath layers of wool and gore-tex. And naturally spring and summer fill you with vitality and well-being. But fall is like a drab Monday morning, with the “weekend” months away. Ennui is virtually impossible to resist. Yet resist it you must: summer heat is required to make your agenda fly. Summon some, please, or your plans will die like a bee left out of the hive.

MAILING 658 Front Street #126A-7278 Lahaina, HI 96761

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Put down your bifocals for just a second, please. Everyone views the world through lens—these vary individually in clarity and scope. Virgos’ filters, for example, are more elaborate and specialized than most. This is no critique; your admirably conscious choices about how to perceive reality hold up astonishingly well, even when life hands you a load of shit. But they are weird, and specific. The problem occurs when someone desperately wants to become part of your inner world (like now), only they can’t wrap their heads around what they find there; it’s so different from what they’re used to. You’ve let them struggle along solo for long enough. Now it’s time to clue them in.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

DROP OFF

Look down. Lofty heights like these all too easily inspire hubris. It’s simple to believe you achieved this alone.

After all, you’re the only one occupying this apex. But if you remember to review the path you just traveled, you’ll notice all the hands you stepped on while climbing up here, all the people supporting you during your ascent, even the folk who are holding up the mountain you scaled. Sure, many of them did it for reasons of self-interest, but most were altruistic. In any case, their motivations should be irrelevant; their actions deserve gratitude regardless. Give it.

505 Front St. Ste. 216, Lahaina

CAERIEL@YAHOO.COM

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

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THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

33

HOLOHOLOGIRL

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

Bulldogs, Fish and Dovemeat A few Sundays ago, Jen and I hit Baby Beach in Lahaina for a little R&R. But what we got was more P.D.A.—uh, that’s Public Displays of Affection for you blissfully ignorant, kissy-face types. Like Noah’s Ark rejects, we stared disdainfully at couples frolicking in the water, splashing, kissing and touching each other inappropriately. Even the pair of adorable Bulldogs with their tongues flapping in the wind stopped to lick each other from time to time.

There was also this monstrously muscled man—Jen nicknamed him Tarzan—who was annoyingly oblivious to my cries for help in the very dangerous three feet of water. What good is beefcake without a little exploitation?

Later, we went back to Baby Beach to a party at Rainbow’s house in celebration of Fish’s 50th Birthday—even though we really didn’t know who Fish was—and to mourn the brief absence of the ever-reizender German Mike. Jen was feeling uncharacteristically anti-social so we went and made friends with the house cat and hung out by the shore, trying to use what little Spanish we knew to understand the rapid-fire conversation from the group next to us.

Eventually, we dodged good-byes by feigning a trip to the bathroom, then made a beeline for the front door. But Jen had to pump up her deflated bicycle tires, which ruined our getaway. Dearly departing Mike soon busted us for our rudeness.

We ended up meeting our pal Sean for some eats at Erik’s Seafood in Lahaina and gorged ourselves on sushi and Purple Haze—that’s sake with Chambord. We decided to digest at home but didn’t get too comfortable because we wanted to go back to Erik’s to see Cool Cat Café bartender Karli and her boyfriend Keith’s band Dovemeat play.

There were a lot of people there, including tattoo homey Circle, who played me the world’s smallest violin for my literary lamenting about being single. After I managed to make Karli even more nervous by telling her how nervous I would be in her shoes, I sat myself in the corner and waited for Dovemeat to go on. They were so good I forgot how yucky the band’s name was. After congratulating Karli for her supreme talent, I bailed.

The next day, Sasha and I went to a fabulous Piero Resta art exhibit/soiree at the LiveWire Café in Paia. Joe Cano played Flamenco guitar and lovely ladies danced seductively, while we ate gourmet raw food and drank red wine with my piercer/friend Debra.

Needing to come back to earth, we went to Charley’s briefly. Then we had to stop by the SandBar and Hang Loose on our way back to Lahaina. But we were still somewhat restless, so we decided to try to catch the latest rock/reggae band The Easy at Life’s a Beach in Kihei. Of course, they had just played their last note as we walked in, so we went next door to the Tiki Bar. I was happy to see long-lost Irish pal Kevin of Mulligan’s. He scolded me— formerly Mike’s job!—for not introducing him to my cute girlfriend Sasha earlier.

On yet another Friday, Jen and I went to Kahului to find old men’s pants at Savers and to get Wendy’s evil fast-food grub to eat at the Hang Loose Lounge, where Kealii and Wilson were playing beautiful songs. We couldn’t help but swoon. After we laughed at ourselves for swooning in a dive bar, we went to Paia and hung out with Mat and Reeny at the SandBar. We also checked out Charley’s and were happily surprised to see Marty Dread on stage.

While I played catch-up with old friends, I dubbed Jen “U.F.M.”—Upcountry Fresh Meat—when she received way too many requests to dance, even for her. So we headed back down the street to the SandBar and somebody told us about some DJ thing with Daniel J at Casanova in Makawao.

So we went up. There we saw the physically Perfect Man, who we believed was most likely gay and probably named “Brian”—we don’t know why. Then we went to the Stopwatch for last call, where former Sly Mongoose queen bartendress Big Deb bought Jen and not me a drink because I was “driving Baby home.” That U.F.M.! MTW

34

OCTOBER 21, 2004

CLASSIFIED

Tom Moffatt Productions Proudly Presents

Lea a g n o l a S In Concert

Monday Oct. 25, 2004 7:30pm Castle Theater Maui Arts & Cultural Center Reserved tickets priced at $45.00, $35.00, and $25.00 and are on sale now at the MACC Box Office Charge by phone: 808-242-SHOW

Mind Body

Mind Body Spirit A G U I D E F O R H E A LT H Y L I V I N G

JAPANESE SWORDSMANSHIP Train in the 14th century classical martial art of the Japanese SAMURAI WARRIOR. Your first two classes are FREE. Call 573-1965 FREE BODYWORK SESSION Free 90 Minute Bodywork Session by athletic, masculine male, my place or yours, feel great guaranteed! Call Matt at 808-298-6194

SpiritBIKRAM Yoga for everyone!

OCEAN YOGA

Maui’s Only Seaside Yoga Studio A Flow-Hatha yoga class combining Bikram & Ashtanga First Week Kama’aina & yoga and an ocean New Students Only cleansing experience

15

$

Call 573-4288 For Schedule

THE ONLY NATURAL SOLUTION TO ACNE. Improve your complexion quickly and easily without expensive drugs/chemicals. You will notice many other health benefits. Nothing works better or costs less, guaranteed! Call SIMPLE SOLUTIONS 1-800-762-0977. (AAN CAN) MALE WITCH Psychic readings and counseling.

Casting and removal of spells. Contact with spirits. Call 24/7. Tom 800-4193346. Credit/Debit Cards. Get back the one you love. (AAN CAN)

YOGA KIHEI

Puts the Joy in Exercise & Movement Classes taught by Certified NIA teacher,

Erin Graue

242-4343

www.niamaui.com

CLEARLIGHT NATURE

Psychic/Medium

Life Change Facilitator ©

Jason n L Oliver r Certified (NLP) Certified Hypnotist Certified Huna Therapist

879~0566

PIPES

MAUI’S HOLISTIC EVENTS Maui’s most complete listing of Mind Body & Spirit events. Visit www.mauivision.net. New Maui Vision magazine October/November issue Out Now! Call 669-9091

• Glass Pieces • Custom Designs • Hand Made on Maui

Reveal Your True Nature • Channeled Guidance & Energy Healing Sessions • Learn to Channel Classes • Sacred Incense Satsangs • Zero Point Recalibration call Indigo Ocean at

573-4290 now

www.clearlightnature.com

SPECIALIZED MASSAGE TRAINING

INTRODUCTORY RATE FOR KAMA’AINA

25 $ 10 $

ONE WEEK UNLIMITED

INTRODUCTORY OFFER 1st CLASS 2nd CLASS FREE

FUN, SIMPLE & SAFE. JOIN US AT Studio Kapalua Maui-Haiku Art School SATURDAY 8:30AM WEDNESDAY 8:30AM 269-2895 KUNDALINIYOGAMAUI.COM

Must be used within 1 week

Mind Body Spirit Home Blown

KUKUI MALL 808-573-4010

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION RESTORATIVE YOGA At The Studio Maui 575-9390 Every Wednesday evening with Joyanna Cotter 5:30-7pm

MAUI Ceremonial PIPES

Toe Rings • Full Circle • Since 1987 Blow Guns • Spears • Unique Jewelry Oceanic Arts • Woods • Spiritual Fetishes

TTOP ROPICAL ARTWARE / U.L.C. FLOOR WHARF CINEMA CENTER

QI GONG AND YOGA PRACTICE At The Studio Maui 575-9390 Every Monday evening with Joyanna Cotter 67:30pm

ACROSS FROM BANYAN TREE

Mind Body Spirit Alice In Hulaland

COLON THERAPY With Shelley St John RN., CHT. Other holistic therapies available. 573-0696

19 Baldwin Ave Paia 579-9922

OCEAN FRONT YOGA STUDIOSHARED SPACE FOR RENT In Paia, For Yoga, Movement or Meditation, Gatherings or Lectures. For Affordable, Sweet, Sacred Space call Cindy 572-6979

How to apply for the Hawaii State Use Permit Medical Marijuana Legal and Confidential 573-4220

SCHOOL OF REIKI 669-4959 BORED WITH EXERCISE? Time to try Nia - taking fitness to high levels of joy, power, creativity and expression. Great music! Appropriate for any body! www.niamaui.com

242-9664

20 Years of Experience

Spiritist - Visionary Specializing Internationally for over 25 years in the Problems of Women.

Private Readings - Classes

575-2120

Se Habla Espanol E-mail Maya7@hawaii.rr.com

PLACING AN AD IS EASY!

SPIRITUAL LIFE COACH

CALL

669-4959

MAUI TROPICAL MASSAGE Rejuvenate body & mind with a deeply healing massage by strong, intuitive hands. We specialize in Deep Tissue, Aromatherapy, Hot Stone, Couples/Stereo Massage at bargain prices. NEW: Infrared and Amethyst treatment for healing & reverse ageing.

Call 283-6938, 8-8, MAT#3132

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Mon-Fri 9am-7pm • Sat 9am-4pm

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MAYA HERNANDEZBURGOS D.D.

HIMALAYAN HEALTH SECRET Learn more about Himalayan Goji Berry Juice at antiagingfactor@freelife.com or gojibook.com or call 808-870-5458 CLAIRVOYANT/MEDIUM Available for private sessions or groups.

Loving, centered messages from spirit guides, ascended masters and departed loved ones. references Available.

Jaimee 573-8153

Lomilomi 9-Day Retreat “Ho’okuakahi” in Hana, Maui. $1400 w/food & lodging Call Daniel Fowler

661-3786

$30 MASSAGE MATINEE!!!

Facials too! Matinee price 9-11am, 7 days a week. Blue Bamboo Chinese Medical Center, 2099 Wells St. Wailuku 244-6778 WEST SIDE MASSAGE Downtown Lahaina. Bring your body back into balance. Relaxing Therapeutic.

MAT #4273 661-8639 MASSAGE THERAPY With Daniel Fowler, Available in Wailuku. $70 or sliding scale.

Specializing in Therapeutic Lomilomi, Deep Tissue and Injury rehabilitation.

MAT # 2765 Call 280-0733

Let Go of Your Stress Today

HEALING HANDS

Integral Bodywork - Gentle, Deep, and Effective Massage at

Pacific

In Kihei

THERAPY & Wellness

FOR YOUR HEALTH & WELL BEING

BARBARA WILLIAMS

875-2081

MAT#7907

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357-9335

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‘Best of Maui Winner’

Best Place to Get a Massage

OPEN YOUR MIND CHALLENGE YOUR BODY A GUIDE FOR HEALTHY LIVING for advertising info • call 661-3786 ex.5#

LETTERS

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DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

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THE GRID

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 21, 2004

35

back side

CALL (808) 661-3786 for complete details!

We can help! We specialize in matching families with birthmothers nationwide. TOLL FREE 24 hours a day 866-921-0565. ONE TRUE GIFT ADOPTIONS. (AAN CAN)

HANDS DOWN! MAUI’S FAVORITE MANICURES

NAIL SERVICES WITH COUPON ACRYLIC FULL SETS

27.99

$

MANICURE PEDICURE COMBO

35 $17.99 $

.99

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Massage & Facials

STOP WISHIN’ & GO FISHIN’

BLUE BAMBOO Chinese Medical Center & Spa

42’ BERTRAM SPORTFISHERS

244-6778

2099 Wells St., Wailuku

TOLL FREE 1-800-590-0133

VIAGRA

Air Maui Helicopter Tours

VIAGRA - $2.40/dose - CIALIS available Lowest price refills Guaranteed! Call PBG we can help! Non Profit Organization Toll free: 1-866-887-7283 (AAN CAN)

Sweet Life Fruit Company

2 for 1 Special!

Gift Baskets, Fruit Baskets & Flowers

LOOKING FOR SPORTS MEMORABILIA? We’ve got Maui’s Best Selection and Lowest Prices.

Also Collectable Coins, Stamps and Flags From Around the World. Island Coins & Stamps, Wharf Cinema Center, 3rd Floor, Lahaina, 667-6155

Medical Marijuana Is approved in Hawaii for: Cancer, Glaucoma, HIV/AIDS Cachexia/Wasting Syndrome, Chronic Nausea Epilepsy/Seizures, Multiple Sclerosis, and Crohn’s Disease also Chronic Pain Disorders such as Chronic Neck and Back Pain If you have any of these conditions, you may qualify for Legal Medical Marijuana. We are medical doctors and we can help you obtain your permit.

You will need to provide us with copies of your medical records documenting your medical history.

874-5141

Weekdays 9-5

mjmaui.com

West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama’aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2004.

For reservations call 877-7005

Delivered on Maui or shipped worldwide. Sweet Life Fruit Co. 808-27SWEET (277-9338) or (6629338) www.mauifruitbasket.com

Models Needed

MAUI GETS DIRTY...

Hiring models for stock projects. $50/hour. Fitness, beauty, lifestyle. All ages. Mail photo: RC Studios, PO Box 1758, Kihei, HI 96753. Just visiting? Call 874-5755. For info: www.ronchapple.com/model

Cool vintage and original T-shirts DIRTYSHIRTY.COM

EH BRAH! TALK IS CHEAP SEND YOUR EH BRAH TO ehbrah@mauitime.com

XTASY THURSDAYS

KEKAI FLAVA Beat the Clock BOYZ ZONE Drink Specials

DRINK SPECIALS

starting at 7pm! with

GOGO DANCERS

891-MEXI

30

$

MASSAGE MATINEE

FISHING ACTION!

KONA: (808) 327-1265

PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION?

12:00-close

9-11 am 7 days a week

Maui: (808) 667-2774

Tuesday, October 26, 7:30pm @ The Studio Maui in Haiku Marketplace with Michael Kramer of Natural Investment Services, Hawaii’s only SRI firm. Make money, make a difference! 331-0910 for info.

20%OFF

Facials

RATED #1

FREE TALK ON SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE INVESTING

-Acupuncture - Massage

THE SEXIEST DANCE PARTY ON MAUI!

HIP HOP HOUSE R&B OLD SCHOOL IN THE MIX

DJ FAT JO SALSA PARTY

MAT#5293

HIGH VISIBILITY! LOW COSTS! BACK SIDE CLASSIFIEDS WORK!

35

$

FREE 10 MINUTES IN MASSAGE CHAIR Just present this ad. It’s that easy!

Expires 12/31/04

Art

Spa

paintings, stained glass, jewelry, crystals, wood carvings, cards, videos

steam room, sauna, jacuzzi, floatation tank, massage chairs

Paradise Art & Spa Azeka II Shopping Center (Next to Kaiser) Kihei • 808-875-9004

ULTRA FAB TUESDAY Willie K

With DJ FAT JOE

ALOHA

WEDNESDAY DJ Jammin J ALL Drinks $2 until Midnight!