21.32 Can Hawaii Survive Our Age Of Stupid January 18, 2018, Volume 21, Issue 32, MauiTime

JANUARY 18, 2018 ✚ VOLUME 21 ✚ ISSUE 32 ✚ FREE

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE SINCE 1997

WHAT HAPPENED? IT'S OKAY TO BE SCARED.

MORE PARKING

WARS

PG.5

FRINGE FESTIVAL

SKATERS &

PG.15

HATERS

PG.19

MAUITIME.COM

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WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

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JANUARY 18, 2018

Contents

Pukalani Family Practice and Urgent Care

VOLUME 21 ✚ ISSUE 32

Cervical Cancer Screening Month

ON THE COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s your favorite movie or TV show about the end of the world?

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE SINCE 1997

Early signs of Cervical Cancer can be detected by a Pap smear.

Early detection Saves Lives!

JANUARY 18, 2018 ✚ VOLUME 21 ✚ ISSUE 32 ✚ FREE

Can Hawaii Survive Our Age Of Stupid?

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter 2012

Cover Design By: Darris Hurst

WHAT HAPPENED? IT'S OKAY TO BE SCARED.

Photo Courtesy Gaspard / Flickr

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Advertising Executive: Sarah Gerlach (808) 283-3260 / sarah@mauitime.com V Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com World War Z Graphic Designers: Michelle Latorre, Brittnay Skiller (Dogma)

MORE PARKING

WARS

4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

PG.5

FRINGE FESTIVAL

SKATERS &

PG.15

HATERS

PG.19

MAUITIME.COM

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter That one Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith plays a bookworm who survives WWIII because he’s reading in a bank vault

PLUS

WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY A&E THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2017 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $110 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

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3

News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

QUIZ understood C. 2014 D. 2013 E. Evaluation schmaluation

2. Kauai Mayor Bernard Carvalho, Jr., who is running for Hawaii Lieutenant Governor, held a meet-and-greet on Jan. 11 at which Maui location?

A. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center B. Maui Mall C. ILWU Local 142 headquarters D. Velma McWayne Santos Community Center E. Kahului Carpet & Drapery

ILLUSTRATION BY DARRIS HURST

3.

1.

The Maui County Charter states that the Liquor Commission should evaluate the performance of the Liquor Control Director every year, but on Jan. 11 The Maui News reported that the commission had finally finished its first evaluation of Director Glenn Mukai, who first took over in June 2016.

According to the story, when was the last year the Commission performed an evaluation of the director?

A. 2016 B. 2015

On Jan. 10, Rep. Joe Souki, D– Wailuku, announced that Gov. David Ige had approved capital improvement project money to improve the air conditioning at UH Maui College’s Ka‘aike and Paina Buildings. How much money was approved?

A. $100,000 B. $1.1 million C. $2.1 million D. $3.1 million E. $4.1 million

See answers, page 29

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JANUARY 18, 2018

News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

PHOTO COURTESY MAUITIME

Coconut Wireless

Hyatt Residence Club

MORE PUBLIC BEACH ACCESS PARKING WARS There’s a lot of garbage on social media these days, but one of the best things I’ve seen lately is the Access Denied! Surf?

Fish? Dive group on Facebook. Here, Westside residents and activists like Kai Nishiki and Randy Draper post photos, videos and information about their fights to stop big resorts from encroaching on public beaches with concession stands, endless lines of beach chairs and umbrellas and restrictions on public beach access parking. Their posts are informative and infuriating, sure, but also inspiring.

Contrast their actions with how the Maui County Council is handling the issue of public beach access parking in Ka‘anapali–or rather, with how they’re mishandling it. Nearly two years ago, I wrote about how the Maui County Planning Department–prodded by Lahaina resident Randy Draper’s constant, tireless urging–was finally moving to ensure that the big Ka‘anapali resorts actually provided the public beach access parking they were legally required to provide.

County officials sent the resorts a bunch of letters. Things seemed to be happening. Draper, who’s been agitating for public parking in Ka‘anapali for 50 years (!) was happy.

Then Maui County Council Chair Mike White decided to get into the act.

On Jan. 9, the council’s Parks, Recreation, Energy, and Legal Affairs (PRL) Committee held an utterly insulting and useless meeting on a new bill White proposed on the issue. I say insulting because the bill would allow resorts (like the Ka‘anapali Beach Hotel (KBH), where White works as general manager, which is mandated by the county to provide 10 public access beach parking spots) to prohibit public beach access parking between 9pm and 6am. And I say useless because Councilmember Don Guzman, the chair

of the PRL Committee, deferred any committee discussion on the bill because White never showed up to the meeting (the bill may come up during the next PRL Committee meeting, but that agenda hasn’t been posted yet).

But the committee did hear public testimony on the bill, and I can sum it all up with just one word: Outraged.

“This is an anti-community bill,” former Councilmember Wayne Nishiki (and Kai’s father) testified.

“Throw this bill away. It makes no sense to me why this was even conceived.”

Kai Nishiki was just as angry. “Where’s Mike White?” she asked at the start of her testimony. “This is his bill, right? Some shameful.” Later, she called his bill “a clear conflict of interest.”

Councilmember Yuki Lei Sugimura seemed insulted by Kai Nishiki’s testimony, and even challenged her on her conflict of interest allegations. After asking her if she’d provided a Tax Map Key proving that the White’s bill affected the KBH, Sugimura told Kai Nishiki she was merely “assuming” that the bill dealt with that resort.

“No, I’m not,” Kai Nishiki countered, before explaining how it’s public knowledge that the Planning Department requires the resorts, including the KBH, to provide public beach access parking.

“I’ll ask the questions,” Sugimura replied, before ending her questioning.

Later, Councilmember Kelly King asked Kai Nishiki if the public beach access parking spots are adequately labeled.

“It’s kind of a problem,” she responded.

“Why do I, a single mom, have to go enforce public parking? That’s not my job.”

Public beach access parking in Ka‘anapali is a problem, as the photo here (taken at the Hyatt Residence Club) shows. Two years ago I discovered that at least one resort already posts time restrictions on their beach access parking. Mi-

chele McLean, a county planning official, explained why in a Jan. 8 email to the council’s PRL Committee.

“We appreciate that the bill would establish time requirements if no requirements have already been established by a permit or land use approval,” McLean wrote. “Many conditions of permits or approvals have established public beach parking requirements; some have specified times that the public beach access parking as to be open, while others are silent on hours. Without such time requirements stated, we have taken the position that the parking must be open 24 hours per day, seven days per week.”

Maintaining clear public beach access has always been a problem, but all White seems to want to do is change the law to favor the resorts–including the one that employs him.

“There’s plenty of parking,” Draper testified on Jan. 9, “but it’s all being used by the hotels.”

REP. MCKELVEY WORRIED ABOUT HONOAPI'ILANI WORK West Maui Rep. Angus McKelvey is mad as hell at the nonsense going on with the Keawe Street intersection with Honoapii‘lani Highway in Lahaina, and he wants Governor David Ige to knock it off. Like, now.

“I am officially requesting your office immediately intervene,” McKelvey said in a Jan. 8 letter to Ige. “This proposal, which involves essentially removing one of the existing northbound lanes from the highway, will have a detrimentally profound and negative impact that will result in more traffic congestion for the West Side of Maui. Not only will these modifications have immediate disastrous results for traffic, it was not part of any planning documents. The public therefore, was given no chance to comment and receive the responses they deserve for their concerns.”

Seriously, the work the Hawaii Department of Transportation (HDOT) is doing in West Maui right now is no joke, and it’s got residents pretty riled up. “It’s just going to be a nightmare in the (Lahaina) industrial area,” Lahaina small business owner Dan Blessing said in a Dec. 17,

Overheard FIRST MAN: “So, how was everyone’s morning?”

SECOND MAN: “Hilarious.”

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Subway in South Maui, Jan. 13

2017 Maui News story. “We already cannot get in or out.”

A Jan. 10 news release from the Hawaii House of Representatives makes clear that Blessing and other residents have a right to be concerned.

“According to McKelvey, HDOT’s proposal cordons off the existing northbound right lane of Honoapi‘ilani Highway for through traffic with hard barriers,” states the news release. “This forces drivers to move to the left before the barriers or be forced in the opposite direction of where they are going and required to loop around the entire town of Lahaina to remerge. Besides forcing all the two-lane traffic to one lane, causing gridlock on the heart of the town itself, the isolation of the lane for right turn traffic only does not address the underlying capacity issues that started this discussion.”

Which is why McKelvey wants Ige to step in.

“Your kokua and leadership are needed to prevent the elimination of benefits this project is intended to have for the overstressed infrastructure of our neighbor island district,” McKelvey wrote. “As you know, West Maui attracts thousands of daily visitors and generates millions of dollars in revenue for the State of Hawaii through taxes, fees, and economic activity.

This situation can be remedied through the effective leadership of you and your office.

You have the power to intervene to let the community be heard, and alternatives to be created that will provide the additional capacity and access to the area while allowing for more ingress and egress to the bypass for increased traffic.”

Not long after McKelvey sent his letter, HDOT made public their own statement, calling McKelvey’s assertions “inaccurate.” This is fine, except their way of saying McKelvey was “inaccurate” isn’t at all convincing.

For instance, HDOT didn’t like McKelvey’s assertion that “HDOT’s proposal cordons off the existing northbound right lane of Honoapiilani Highway for through traffic with hard barriers. This forces drivers to move to the left before the barriers or be forced in the opposite direction of where they are going and required to loop around the entire town of Lahaina to re-merge.”

Okay. But now read HDOT’s supposedly accurate statement of what will actually happen: “Should a driver heading north on Honoapiilani at Keawe not be able to access the through lane, he or she can turn around on one of Keawe’s side streets or reenter Honoapiilani through one of the southern connector roads such as Lahainaluna Street, Hokiokio Place, Kai Hele Ku Street, or the South Connector Road.”

Um, how is that not just a restatement of what originally concerned McKelvey? ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

JANUARY 18, 2018

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6

JANUARY 18, 2018

News & Views

by Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY NOAA

MauiSphere

Poor whale!

TRAINED RESPONDERS FREE ENTANGLED HUMPBACK WHALE

MAUI ARTIST WINS BMW DESIGN CONTEST Maui artist Brad Forsythe has won the National 2018 BMW M2 Art Wrap Design Competition. Forsythe, who submitted three designs, was awarded first and second place in the national competition.

All of the design submissions were reviewed on a blind jurying basis and voting was anonymous to ensure fairness.

“We built the M2 track car, but wanted to do something more, so we created the art wrap contest,” said juror Pat Womack.

“The winning design is fantastic, and the car turned out great. We’ve had such a positive response. It’ll certainly be a showstopper on the BMW stand during the Chicago Auto Show.”

The juror selection committee was a who’s who of the automotive industry.

Judges were race car driver Bobby Rahal; Will Turner, President of Turner Motorsports; BMW North America VP of Marketing Trudy Hardy; BMW Group VP of Arts and Culture Dr. Thomas Girst; BMW Car Club of America’s Len Rayburn and driver, racing enthusiast and general manager Womack.

In addition to having his design reproduced on the 2018 BMW M2 race car, Forsythe was awarded a two-day M Performance Driving School Experience; his prize also included travel and accommodations to attend the M2 car wrap unveiling in Chicago. A trophy was also awarded

in discussion to develop an exclusive line of casual beachwear which is expected to debut in 2018.

STATE ETHICS COMMISSION WANTS YOU The Judicial Council is seeking to fill two upcoming vacancies on the Hawaii State Ethics Commission; the terms on the commission will run from July 1, 2018 through June 30, 2022.

The Ethics Commission addresses ethical issues involving legislators, registered lobbyists, and state employees (with the exception of judges, who are governed by the Commission on Judicial Conduct). The five commission members are responsible for investigating complaints, providing advisory opinions, and enforcing decisions issued by the Commission.

The Hawaii State Constitution prohibits members of the Ethics Commission from taking an active part in political management or political campaigns.

Applicants must be U.S. citizens, residents of the State of Hawaii, and may not hold any other public office. Commission service is voluntary but travel expenses incurred by neighbor island commissioners to attend meetings on Oahu will be reimbursed.

Governor David Ige will select the commissioners from two nominees for each vacancy submitted by the Judicial Council.

Interested persons should submit an application along with a resume and three letters of recommendation (attesting to the applicant’s character and integrity) postmarked by Feb. 7, 2018 to: Judicial Council, Hawaii Supreme Court, 417 S. King St., Second Floor, Honolulu, HI 96813-2902.

Applications are available on the Hawaii State Judiciary website or by calling the Judicial Council at 808-539-4702. ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

PHOTO COURTESY BRAD FORSYTHE

Fishing line left in the ocean entrapped an adult humpback whale this week, leaving the animal in distress. The entangled humpback was freed by a team of trained responders off Makena Beach on Jan. 12.

The team found more than 285 feet of 3/8” braided line trailing from its mouth.

The whale was first reported Jan. 11 at 11:40am by the captain of the fishing vessel Layla. Rapid first response was mounted by the West Maui response team from the US Coast Guard and NOAA Office of Law Enforcement’s (OLE) patrol vessel Aloha Kai. By 1:35pm, the Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary’s response vessel Kohola arrived with a full response team.

They launched an inflatable and approached the whale to get a better assessment of the entanglement. The massive animal became quite active at that time.

Once the animal calmed down, the team in the inflatable was able to attach a buoy halfway up the trailing gear and remove approximately 110 feet of line. The team tried to pull the remaining gear from the whale’s mouth, but was unsuccessful.

Sunset was approaching. Before stopping for the day, the team attached a tracking buoy to the remaining gear.

On Jan. 12 at 8:38am, the responders relocated the whale. Eventually, the team was able to get within 50 feet of the animal as it hung below the inflatable in a favorable position with its head oriented towards the surface.

Nearly two hours later, the team was able to pull the remaining gear from the animal’s mouth. On release, the animal immediately breached several times. The support boat attempted to stay with the

animal as the approach team collected the gear. NOAA officials believe the animal has an “excellent chance” of recovery.

If you sight any marine mammal in distress, maintain 100 yards distance and please call the NOAA 24-hour hotline: 888-256-9840. If unable to call, radio the U.S. Coast Guard on VHF CH. 16.

during the unveiling.

“What a thrill to have my work selected for the M2 Art Wrap Design,” Forsythe said. “Seeing my work on such a large scale and to represent our island of Maui and the aloha state to BMW enthusiasts around the globe is truly the highlight of my year.”

Forsythe said the winning design was based on one of his mixed media paintings created earlier this year titled “Moving Along.” “I selected a segment from the painting that reads as abstract coloring of the American flag,” he said. “Later I overlaid bold stars to the base art to further convey a patriotic theme. I felt viewers would appreciate a more spirited vibe that goes so well with the power, beauty and sleek design of the BMW M2 exterior.”

Judge Girst, VP of Art and Culture based at BMW World Headquarters in Munich Germany said he could appreciate the juxtaposition of the stars with the colorful abstract expressionist background. Forsythe’s art reminds Girst both of the US flag, as well as one of the greatest American art movements, he said.

The winning 2018 BMW M2 art wrap design will be featured at the BMW pavilion in February 2018 at the Chicago Auto Show.

The Auto Show is America’s largest automotive exhibition held at McCormack Place convention center in downtown Chicago.

Forsythe has spent a lifetime working in the creative arts field and has been honored with numerous local, regional and national industry awards for creative excellence. Through a variety of collaborations his art has appeared on products far away from his home base in Hawaii ranging from Tuscan made scarves to custom snowboards and skis.

In 2014 he began collaborating with legendary surfboard shaper and global brand Jimmy Lewis creating original art used for surface graphics on a series of SUP surfboards. Earlier this year he teamed up with retail chain Honolua Surf Co. for an artist series of apparel. He is also currently

Sweet ride

JANUARY 18, 2018

7

News & Views

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER FAMILY PORTRAITS • WEDDINGS SENIOR GRADUATION PHOTOS

CALL OR EMAIL NOW TO SCHEDULE 808.250.1788 • HOWER.PHOTOS@GMAIL.COM HOWERPHOTO.COM • MAUIWEDDINGMEDIA.COM

There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui.

Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.

News Of The Weird BUT HE STARTED IT!

GOOD DEED, PUNISHED

Tennis instructor Osmailer Torres, 30, of Miami, was arrested in July 2016 after hitting a five-year-old with the child’s pint-sized tennis racket and causing a bruise on the boy’s arm and a lump on his eyebrow, reports the Miami Herald. But now Torres believes he has a grand-slam defense: Florida’s Stand Your Ground self-defense law. Defense lawyer Eduardo Pereira told the Herald the child was the “initial aggressor” who had participated in “various violent altercations” against other children, and Torres had acted “reasonably in trying to prevent harm” to others. MiamiDade Circuit Judge Oscar Rodriguez-Fonts will consider the claim in an upcoming hearing.

Malcolm Whitfield of Rochester, New York, was only trying to help when he ordered a Lyft car to deliver a drunk woman home from a bar in November. But when the woman vomited in the car, Whitfield was hit with a $150 fine to cover the damage. “For a second, I was like, ‘Never do anything nice again!’”

Whitfield told 13WHAM. Lyft’s terms and conditions include damage fees, which most people don’t see in the fine print. Update: Lyft later refunded Whitfield’s fine and added $100 to his Lyft account for future rides. “Mr. Whitfield absolutely did the right thing by helping someone get home safely,” said Scott Coriell, a Lyft spokesperson.

FAMILY VALUES

OH, DEER

Mazen Dayem, 36, of Staten Island, New York, obtained a restraining order against his father-in-law,Yunes Doleh, 62, in September after Doleh repeatedly tormented him by waving his hairpiece at Dayem, provoking Dayem’s greatest phobia–the Tasmanian Devil of Looney Tunes fame. Not easily deterred, Doleh was arrested on Nov. 5 for violating the order after he “removed his wig (and) made hand gestures” at a funeral the two attended, Dayem explained to the New York Post. “It’s just a very large fear of mine, his damn wig...

I have nightmares.” Court papers say Doleh “proceeded to grimace, snarl, gurn and gesticulate.” He was charged with criminal mischief in Staten Island County court, and then sued his son-in-law for defamation after photos from the arrest appeared on social media.

It was just another early December day at the Horsetooth Store, Gas and RV Park outside Fort Collins, Colorado, as employee Lori Jones conducted inventory and restocked shelves.

Suddenly, she looked up to see “Mama,” a doe deer, inside the store, “looking at the sunglasses. Then she looked at the ice cream and over at the chips,” Jones told CBS Denver. “I kind of did a double take.” When shooing the deer away didn’t work, she broke out a peanut bar and lured the doe into a nearby field.

Jones then returned to work, but soon looked up to find Mama was back, this time with her three fawns in tow. It took another peanut bar to draw the family away from the store, and Jones said she has learned her lesson. “You should never feed the deer because they’re going to keep coming back.”

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

SWEET REVENGE

Teller County (Colorado) Sheriff Jason Mikesell listed his SUV for sale on Craigslist in November, and he was a little perplexed when he received a response from Shawn Langley, 39, of Vail, offering to trade the SUV for four pounds of marijuana. Langley even provided photos of his black market booty and boasted about its quality, reported The Colorado Springs Gazette. “I saw that text, and I started giggling,” Mikesell said. Detectives set up a meeting and arrested both Langley and Jane Cravens, 41, after finding the promised four pounds of marijuana in their car. Sheriff Mikesell has removed his SUV from Craigslist.

HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT On Nov. 27, 27-year-old Corey Hughes, who was due to be released from prison in February after serving most of a weapons charge, walked away from a San Joaquin County sheriff’s work crew in Stockton, California, according to the Fresno Bee. It took police almost a month to track him to a home in Stockton, where they surrounded the dwelling and apprehended him without incident–which might not be so remarkable were it not for the distinctive, whole-face tattoo Hughes sports, which makes his face look like a human skull. He was booked into the San Joaquin County Jail.

8

JANUARY 18, 2018

by the Editors at Andrews McMeel

A mom in Hillsboro, Oregon, came up with the perfect retaliation for a porch pirate who nabbed her baby son’s Christmas pajamas package off the front porch. Angie Boliek told KATU she wanted to get her own “passive-aggressive revenge,” so she taped up a box full of 10 to 15 dirty diapers with a note reading “Enjoy this you thief!” Boliek left the box on her porch on Dec. 3, and by the evening of Dec. 4 it was gone. Boliek alerted Hillsboro police, but they don’t have any leads in the investigation. “It was fun to come home and see that it was gone,” Boliek said.

NEW WORLD ORDER Taisei Corp., a construction company based in Tokyo, announced in December that it will use autonomous drones, taking flight in April, to combat karoshi, or overwork death, reported The Independent. The drones will hover over desks of employees who have stayed at work too long and blast “Auld Lang Syne,” a tune commonly used in Japanese shops getting ready to close. A company statement said: “It will encourage employees who are present at the drone patrol time to leave, not only to promote employee health but also to conduct internal security management.” Experts are skeptical: Scott North, professor of sociology at Osaka University, told the BBC that “to cut overtime hours, it is necessary to reduce workloads.” ■

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h brah, what’s with driving your moped on the shoulder? You nearly killed me the other day. If your bike isn’t fast enough to keep up with traffic, don’t ride it on the Pali. As for the rest of you in cars: If you can’t drive the Pali without crossing the white line, you’re either being lazy or driving too fast. Slow down! You’ll still get there. ■

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JANUARY 18, 2018

9

WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS WEEKEND’S FALSE MISSILE ALERT?

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO PHOTO COURTESY GASPARD / FLICKR

S

omething extraordinarily frightening and stupid happened Saturday morning in Hawaii. A few minutes after 8am, the state Emergency Management Agency (EMA) sent out an alert to everyone’s phones saying a missile was inbound to Hawaii. For 38 minutes, that alert hung in the air like a guillotine blade–the rope had been freed, and we were all just waiting for the slice. News organizations and officials like Rep. Tulsi Gabbard started posting updates that it was all a mistake five to 10 minutes after the initial alert, but by that point huge numbers of people–residents and tourists–were already terrified.

I was relatively fortunate during the scare, because my phone was on silent and in another room when the first alert came through.

By the time I checked my phone, news had already reached Twitter stating that the alert

10 JANUARY 18, 2018

was bogus (though I did experience a frantic 30 seconds or so while I scrolled through my feed looking for confirmation of the alert).

Ironically, I had been playing the video game Fallout 4 at the time the alert came through, a game that literally begins with a family relaxing on a weekend morning when they hear that all-out nuclear war has broken out.

Others had to deal with tears and uncertainty and mind-numbing fear that will probably stay with them the rest of their lives. Even 10 minutes can be a hellish eternity if you have a child who suddenly thinks his or her entire world will turn into fire at any moment.

The actual alert was unambiguous and terrifying: “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.” But as I read those words, yelling at me in all-caps, I couldn’t help but notice that the doomsday

sirens hadn’t gone off. That made no sense to me, which is why I immediately checked social media (a text from a friend sent around the same time as the alert asking me if I’d also gotten it only added to my urgency). But for many who don’t use social media, their only recourse was to check the radio or television, where they either saw the alert broadcast again or regular broadcasting–neither of which was reassuring.

It took EMA officials an agonizing 38 minutes to send out a second phone alert saying the whole thing was an error. Federal Communications Commission (FCC) Chair Ajit Pai angrily denounced that the next day.

“The false emergency alert sent yesterday in Hawaii was absolutely unacceptable,” FCC Chair Ajit Pai said in a Jan. 14 statement. “It caused a wave of panic across the state worsened by the 38-minute delay before a correction alert was

issued. Moreover, false alerts undermine public confidence in the alerting system and thus reduce their effectiveness during real emergencies.” Pai added that, “Based on the information we have collected so far, it appears that the government of Hawaii did not have reasonable safeguards or process controls in place to prevent the transmission of a false alert.”

Hawaii House Speaker Scott Saiki was angry, too.

“This system we have been told to rely upon failed and failed miserably today,” he said in a statement released shortly after the false alert was countermanded. “I am deeply troubled by this misstep that could have had dire consequences. Measures must be taken to avoid further incidents that caused wholesale alarm and chaos today. Clearly, government agencies are not prepared and lack the capacity to deal with emergency situations.

Apparently, the wrong button was pushed

and it took over 30 minutes for a correction to be announced. Parents and children panicked during those 30 minutes. The Hawaii House of Representatives will immediately investigate what happened and there will be consequences. This cannot happen again.”

And Rep. Kaniela Ing, D–South Maui, was furious. “Hospital patients were moved,” he tweeted not long after the alert was cancelled.

“My friend’s mom called her crying saying goodbye. My other friend was huddled downstairs with her toddlers. This is not ok.”

alert, I received just one statement from a county official. It was a press release from County Communication Director Rod Antone that quoted–wait for it–Rod Antone.

“This appears to be a mistake, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from this, and we should,” Antone quoted himself saying in his own press release. “Remember that if this attack had been real, people should ‘get inside, stay inside and stay informed.’ What this means is that if you’re out shopping, stay in the store; if you’re at home stay at home.

Don’t go driving anywhere. Turn on the radio or television and listen to the news.”

I know language like this is an attempt to be helpful, but it’s not optimal. The phone alert is designed to give Hawaii residents 15 minutes warning to take shelter. This is a questionable

PHOTO COURTESY JOHN/FLICKR

What happened in Hawaii on the morning of Saturday, Jan. 13 was a disaster. A huge portion of the state became utterly terrified that their lives were about to end in extreme violence. Their fear was real, and the actions they took during those minutes between the alert and their discovery that the whole thing was an error were often heartbreaking.

“I made the bed for some inexplicable reason, trying to act normal,” one person said on social media shortly after the erroneous alert was cancelled. Another, who had just arrived on Maui, was dumbstruck. “[I] realized I had no idea where [the] shelter is,” she said. “[I] Tweeted goodbye to friends and family on the Mainland. The news had NOTHING while it was going on. Was going to get in bed with my boyfriend to wait for the end, like in Rogue One.” But as all this was taking place–as I was reading news stories and tweets and Facebook posts from Maui residents who were clearly still shaking from the alert–I kept thinking how stupid it all was–how it’s madness that a mistake like this is even possible. We truly live in an Age of Stupid, and we can’t take two steps before being reminded of it. The mindless Tide Pod Challenge makes for amusing reading, but is there a more perfect analogy for our times? We live in an Age of Stupid because there’s no value in being intelligent.

You only had to watch a few minutes of the Saturday afternoon press conference with Governor David Ige (who for some reason is running for re-election this November) and EMA Administrator Vern Miyagi (who back in August inexplicably agreed with a CNN reporter’s suggestion that people who found themselves on a beach during an alert could hide in caves). Both men made clear that, although they were really “sorry” about the “error,” they wouldn’t fire anyone who was involved in it (Miyagi did tell everyone that “the guy” who made the error “feels terrible about it”).

“Today is a day our community will never forget,” Ige said at the press conference. “I know first-hand how today’s false alarm affected all of us here in Hawaii, and I am sorry for the pain and confusion it caused.

I, too, am extremely upset about this and am doing everything I can do to immediately improve our emergency management systems, procedures and staffing.” He later added that “We have already taken action to ensure this doesn’t happen again” though he didn’t explain what that would entail.

Miyagi then said he would “take responsibility” for the false alert. “This is my team,” he said at the press conference. “We made a mistake.”

Neither man inspired much confidence.

Neither seemed to grasp that many people experienced truly horrifying moments (especially if they had children), and how angry we all got after news that it was all a false alarm started to spread. They didn’t elaborate on how exactly they changed the procedures for sending out test alerts and real alerts, and

refused to answer reporters’ questions about who exactly made the error, saying it was a “personnel matter.” Even more alarming, neither Ige nor Miyagi could explain why many people in Hawaii didn’t receive either the initial alert or its cancellation notice, though they said they’d look into it.

There were so few details on how the false alert was sent and how they were going to make sure it never happens again that it would have calmed many nerves if Miyagi had just grabbed the microphone and said that he ordered his deputy to put tape over the death button.

The Honolulu Star-Advertiser reported that the error happened in a “routine internal test during a shift change,” but that doesn’t really tell us anything. Follow-up reporting

by Honolulu Civil Beat and The Washington

Anyone got some tape?

Post revealed that extremely poor alert system design–not mere operator error–probably played the biggest role in the catastrophe.

The employee who triggered the alert was apparently faced with a dropdown menu of options like “PACOM (CDW) - STATE ONLY” and “DRILL - PACOM (CDW) -STATE ONLY;” the employee reportedly chose the first one instead of the second one. There was also a two-step authentication requirement to send the alert, but that doesn’t seem to have made any difference (two days after the false alert, Ige appointed Brigadier General Kenneth Hara to carry out a “comprehensive review” of the state’s emergency management procedures).

And I haven’t even gotten to the fact that Hawaii Tourism Authority President George Szigeti also spoke at the Jan. 13 press conference. “Hawaii is open for business,” he said, answering a question no one in the entire state had asked.

Later that day he issued the following statement: “We have been in contact with our tourism stakeholders to inform them of today’s false alert and reassure them that Hawaii’s safety and security is unaffected by today’s unfortunate incident. There is no cause for travelers with trips already booked to Hawaii or considering a vacation in the islands to change their plans.

Hawaii continues to be the safest, cleanest and most welcoming travel destination in the world and the alarm created today by the false alert does not change that at all.”

Feel better now?

For their part, Maui County officials have been largely silent on the fiasco. Indeed, in the 24 hours immediately following the false

gesture, since there are few, if any, proper nuclear bomb shelters in the state. Nonetheless, state officials say that anyone who hears the alert needs to immediately “shelter in place”–a euphemism that basically means huddle inside a building, away from glass, and hope for the best (officials also recommend “sheltering in place” for 14 days).

Seriously, all this is stupid. The new alert sirens (which did not go off Saturday morning) are stupid. The fact that an alert gives us a mere 15 minutes to “find shelter” is stupid. The whole fear that North Korea is on the verge of nuking us is doubly stupid, especially given the fact that Hawaii itself is conquered territory and that over the last two decades, the U.S. has been responsible for raining more fire and iron onto people around the world than anyone else. Then you’ve got the outrageous bluster that President Donald Trump regularly spews against North Korea, arrogantly threatening them with nuclear annihilation.

And for those of you who say you were never worried because our missile defense systems would have shot down any incoming rockets–forget it. Even after decades and tens of billions of dollars, missile defense in the U.S. is, at best, a question mark. At worst, it’s a flimsy sham that will fall apart at the first sign of trouble.

“The United States has spent hundreds of billions of dollars developing, testing, and fielding ballistic-missile-defense systems over the past few decades,” Fred Kaplan wrote in

an Oct. 17, 2017 Slate article. “But in tests, these systems hit their target only about 50 to 60 percent of the time. And even this record exaggerates how they would likely perform in an actual conflict. In the tests, everyone involved knows ahead of time when, where, and at what angle the missile will be launched. Also, with only a couple of exceptions, the tests have aimed an interceptor against just a single target–whereas, in a real war, the attacker would almost certainly fire a volley of missiles. The real attack might even happen at night, whereas all of the tests have been conducted in daytime.”

Of course, this entire debate is stupid, useless and insulting, especially given the fact that–and this is the best part–North Korea does not right now have the capability of launching a nuclear missile at the U.S. The Secretary of Defense himself said this publicly not even a month ago.

“North Korea’s November ICBM ‘has not yet shown to be a capable threat against us right now,’” Secretary of Defense James Mattis said during an off-camera briefing with reporters at the Pentagon, according to a Dec. 16, 2017 CNN report.

And what Mattis was saying wasn’t even new. It’s been reported a lot. Wanting a nuclear-tipped intercontinental ballistic missile and testing one are not the same thing as deploying one. Sure, the North Korean regime is trying to field one as fast as they can–who wouldn’t given all the times Trump has threatened them with extinction?–but that doesn’t mean they have one right now that can reduce Hawaii to ashes.

The Jan. 13 alert was a mistake, but the Age of Stupid we all live in is very real and every bit as scary. The mistaken assumption of a missile launch can all too quickly end up provoking a real all-out strike. We’ve known this danger since the U.S. began building missiles, which by their very nature are not recallable. Indeed, President John Kennedy was reportedly so afraid of an accident precipitating war that he constantly referenced Barbara Tuchman’s The Guns of August, which detailed the miscalculations that led to World War I, in his discussions with his military commanders. The Jan. 9 report in The Guardian that the Trump Administration wants to develop new, more “usable” nuclear weapons only adds to the danger.

We’re all in this mess because nothing substantial has changed since the Cold War. We say the Soviet Union is gone and we’ve gotten rid of many nuclear weapons, but we still hold more than enough to burn the entire world many times over.

What’s more, we–the richest and most powerful nation in history–still regularly bomb the poorest nations into rubble and threaten others with nuclear fire.

We do all this in large part because we’ve forgotten how not to do it. We long ago became what our folklore always told us we’re against–a giant war machine that exists solely to protect access to the capital and raw materials we need to sustain ourselves.

And so we lie to ourselves about our actions around the world, which is beyond stupid.

We don’t have to succumb to this Age of Stupid, of course, but we don’t seem to be doing anything to end it. ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

JANUARY 18, 2018

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A&E

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Cabaret, Jazz and Lobster LIVE ENTERTAINMENT AT CAFE DEL VINO team there are 15 men, “so back in Europe, I would do the lobster 15 different ways. Here I do it three different ways.”

Those ways are steamed lobster with drawn butter and lemon (what Hauwaerts called “American style”), Lobster Del Vino, which is steamed in its own juices served with light crème and a medley of curry and veggies and Lobster Fra Diavolo, which is served in a spicy homemade marinara. The menu is loaded with other classic French dishes

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

Hauwaerts said he’s been managing and opening restaurants for over 50 years. Getting his first taste of American culture at the World’s Fair in 1964, when he came over from Brussels to represent his country. Since then Guido has operated night clubs and fine French restaurants in Palm Springs, Las Vegas, Hollywood and Boston–serving the likes of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack and Ella Fitzgerald. In fact, Café Del Vino has a “hall of fame” in the back covered with photos of Guido and his esteemed guests.

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afé Del Vino, already known for its wonderful Italian/French cuisine, is now a source of great live entertainment. Owner Guido Hauwaerts wanted to bring something unique to Maui, and he certainly has.

On Friday and Saturday nights, the restaurant features keyboardist Marco, who’s also a talented accordion player. Each night he walks around the restaurant, serenading tables with his beautiful music and creating a charming atmosphere that (especially if you’re sharing a plate of spaghetti with someone special) can’t help but remind one of the classic Disney film Lady and the Tramp.

On Mondays, Dapper Dale, Diamond Di, Meow Meow L’Amour and a special guest perform dazzling homages to the big band days. Think Liza Minnelli in the 1972 film Cabaret. It’s a hilarious and intimate experience that might just leave you red in the face while the ravishing artists sing “Happy Birthday Mr. President,” to you and your loved ones tableside.

Or imagine eating a plate of beautiful primavera pasta while the troupe shakes maracas to the tune of “The Bare Necessities.” All the while, the service staff somehow keep their cool as the chaotic hilarity unfolds around them. It’s rare to experience something this unique and polished, and be treated to great cuisine.

The newest addition to the lineup happens on Tuesday nights. Those evenings feature the musical stylings of Prem Brosio and Yasha Taylor. Their jazz and blues duet features trumpet, flutes, saxophone and gorgeous vocals.

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

Cabaret!!!

Wine!!!

In the 1990s, Hauwaerts opened and helped run the Lobster Cove. A decade later, he helped run Boccalino. Café Del Vino is his newest venture, which he runs with his long-time friend and coworker Chef Danny Paquette.

The menu at Café Del Vino features classic French and Italian recipes. “All the sauces are from my mother’s recipes,” Hauwaerts said. “Everything must be consistent.”

One night I arrived, Paquette was preparing a lobster dish. Hauwaerts, who played rugby, spoke about how on a rugby

like escargot, and one very popular item from Hauwaerts’ Belgium homeland: mussels served with French fries, mayonnaise, ketchup and aioli.

Café Del Vino is open every day but Sunday, from 4-9:30pm. Happy hour is from 4-6pm ($4 domestic beers and house wines), and there’s a three course Chef’s Menu for $34 that’s available from 5-7pm. Reservations can be made online or over the phone. ■ jen@mauitime.com For more A&E stories visit: mauitime.com/entertainment

JANUARY 18, 2018 13

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A&E

by Foster Modesette

Personal Passion Projects WE TALK STORY WITH THREE MAUI FRINGE FESTIVAL PLAYWRIGHTS of heartfelt but hilarious bad relationship stories that led Logan to where she is today.

Consider it a comedic journey that makes the audience the final jury on bad boyfriends.

“There was a lot of comedy fodder in my own life experiences, and I figured I should capitalize on my misery,” said Logan.

“I think it’s definitely relatable, and I want the audience to leave saying, ‘Guess what, she hasn’t found the one yet, but she’s still a good human being and she’s happy.’”

PHOTO COURTESY MAUI ONSTAGE

Maui performing a new piece, Intrusion.

It’s set 20 years in our future, when rape has seemingly been eradicated from society. Then one woman comes forward.

“We see the views of eight different characters that represent different sectors of our society: a politician, a prosecutor, psychologist, theater professor, a school child and several others, and how [this event] has impacted them,” she said.

“What starts to happen is this future soci-

Qurratt Ann Kadwani

M

hero Achilles, and follows his love affair with Patroclus. It’s been called a bawdy and heartbreaking retelling of the tragic story of Achilles, told through the eyes of three mourners the hero left behind.

“It’s interesting,” said LeBarron. “Seven years ago there was a lot of flack towards the concept of bisexuality.” He described an opening scene where he had to explain to the audience that there were no sexual restrictions in these ancient times. “Now fluidity has become such a mainstay that we dropped that whole part,” he said. It’s a change LeBarron is happy to see.

Theater has long been a vessel for telling stories, and many artists use this vessel to tell the truths of the world around us. Qurrat Ann Kadwani is one such playwright. Her play They Call Me Q was the 2013 Maui Fringe Fest winner, and she’s excited to be back on

PHOTO COURTESY MAUI ONSTAGE

aui OnStage’s 2018 Maui Fringe Festival takes place this weekend at the Iao Theater in Wailuku. This year’s festival features some incredible, award-winning playwrights and actors, as well as some new faces to Maui. From lighthearted musicals to intense retrospectives, the Maui Fringe Fest has something for every theater lover. I sat down with three of the festival’s playwrights to talk about their performances this year.

David LeBarron, a fringe fest veteran, first performed his piece The Sex Life of Achilles at Hollywood Fringe seven years ago. Now a mentor at the Hollywood festival, LeBarron is excited to share his piece with Maui residents and talk with aspiring young artists.

His play revolves around the ancient Greek

PHOTO COURTESY MAUI ONSTAGE

Alison Logan

The Sex Life of Achilles

ety starts to reflect our current society.”

The idea for the play came to her after hearing about the fatal gang rape of Jyoti Singh in India, a horrible crime that made headlines around the world in 2012. Kadwani said she wondered why only this one case made the news, when rape is such a global problem that happens in so many different ways.

“It’s a problem we wish didn’t exist, so we brush it under the rug,” she said. “I try to give a big scope of the issue so that the audience can come out of the show feeling like they received an education.”

Then there’s Alison Logan, known as New Orleans’ “Original Classy Broad,” will present her comedy Courted. It’s a presentation

And that’s just three of the eight or so shows the Maui Fringe Festival is offering this year.

“Fringe theater is all about embracing the new and taking a leap of faith,” said Michael Pulliam, who coordinates the festival each year. “These artists take the leap to present personal passion projects. It’s a chance to witness artists presenting brand new theater, and even world premieres that no one has ever seen, right here on Maui.”

Go to Mauionstage.com for a complete festival schedule as well as ticket information. ■ jen@mauitime.com For more A&E stories visit: mauitime.com/entertainment

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Picks

by Alex Mitchell

This Week's Picks THURSDAY, JAN. 18 THEN AND NOW DINNER – A “Then and Now” Dinner Special will be available at the Sheraton Maui Resort from Thursday, Jan. 18 until Wednesday, Jan. 24. It’s in celebration of their 55th anniversary, and you can enjoy a menu of classic cocktails and dishes from the resort’s original Discovery Room and Pool Terrace menus. Items will be available a la carte, and kama‘aina can receive 25 percent off food and beverages. 5:30pm. Black Rock Kitchen. Sheraton Maui Resort and Spa, (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-921-4600; Sheraton-maui.com. Photo: Flickr/Kaiscapes Media

JIM BRICKMAN’S PURE PIANO – Jim Brickman’s “Pure Piano: The Greatest Hits” show will be at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center (MACC). Get ready for a really romantic concert with timeless songs like “Valentine,” “Angel Eyes” and “Love of My Life.” Consider it a warm up for Valentine’s Day. $35, $45 and $55 ($55 ticket holders also have access to the post-show meet-andgreet). 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org.

Photo courtesy of Facebook/ Jim Brickman Music

FRIDAY, JAN. 19 MAUI FRINGE FESTIVAL – The annual Maui Fringe Theater Festival nday, Jan. will take place at the Iao Theater from Friday, Jan. 19 through Sunday, ival offers 21. Presented by Maui OnStage and Surf Rent Trucks, the festival many opportunities to see a variety of performing arts. See Too Old to Be yers, This Young with Laura Hedli, Courted by Alison Hogan, Lawyers, he Bombs and Death with Free Range Comedy, I Love Myself: The Masturbation Musical by Jaime Summers and When Trump Getss to Heaven. Go online for a complete list of shows and showtimes.. $15. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969;; Mauionstage.com. Photo courtesy Michael Pulliam

FRIDAY, JA JAN. AN N.. 1 19 9

SIERRA CLUB MAUI STAR WATCH BENEFIT – There’s a Star Watch Benefit for Sierra Club Maui at the Maui Tropical Plantation. It’s led by astronomer Harriet Witt and attendees will learn Hawaiian lore of the night sky. Guests should bring a beach chair, blanket and a shielded flashlight. Light pupus will be provided and guests are asked to meet in the parking lot in front of the Waikapu Country Store. Register by email. Donation: $5 members/ $10 for nonmembers. 6pm. Maui Tropical Plantation, (1670 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku); 855-419-5143; Contact@mauisierraclub.org; Mauisierraclub.org. Photo: Flickr/Riziki Nielson

SATURDAY, SATURD R DAY JAN. 20 RD M MAKAWAO THIRD FRIDAY – You might want to c check out Makawao Third Friday’s January Jam. H Head Upcountry for live music and family fun with The Easy, Marianne Turner, the Get Up and Dance Troupe, the Komoda Keiki Zone and more. Stop by the “Raise a Tent Campaign” info booth, check out the town’s galleries and enjoy food vendors and dining. Free. 5:30pm.

Makawao Town Party, (Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-270-7710; Mauifridays.com.

BUY BACK THE BEACH – Buy Back the Beach: Malama Kipuka will be at the Old Lahaina Luau. It’s the Hawaiian Islands Land Trust’s 17th annual benefit luau in support of conservation of Hawaii’s landscapes and cultural resources. Guests can look forward to an islandstyle pa‘ina with ono luau fare, complimentary cocktails, live and silent auctions and live entertainment. $175.

5pm. Old Lahaina Luau, (1251 Front St., Lahaina); 808-244-5263; Hilt.org/buy-back-the-beach-2017.

Photo courtesy Facebook/ Hawaiian Islands Land Trust

SATURDAY, SA ATURD TU DAY, JAN. 2 TU 20 SHIFT HAPPENS – The exhibit “Shift Happens: A Retrospective Art Show” will happen at Treehouse Gallery. Explore the relationship of color and shapes through the art of Treehouse founder Taylor Binda. While growing the Treehouse over the last three years, Binda has been creating an impressive body of work. Binda’s work ranges in mediums from acrylic to pastels and block printing. Free. 5pm. Treehouse Art Studios, (375 W. Kuiaha Rd., Haiku); 781-726-1136; Treehouseartstudios.com. Photo courtesy Taylor Binda

MISS MOKU O KA LOKE HULA PAGEANT – The Miss Moku O Ka Loke Hula Pageant will take place at the MACC. Inspired by hula days of the past, the pageant will highlight stage presence, confidence, style and talents. Hosted by Malika Dudley, this will be a sophisticated show with wonderful Hawaiian hula performances. $45. 4:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy Facebook/ Miss Moku O Ka Loke

SATURDAY, SATU TU R TU RD DAY A , JAN. 2 20 DJ LOUIE MOLE – DJ Louie Mole will be at Th The Dirty Monkey. Don’t miss out on a chance to see and hear one of New York City’s finest DJ DJs on Maui’s Westside. The evening will showcas case classic DJ’ing skills and a eclectic mix of hip hip-hop, old school, dance and house music.

21+. 9pm. The Dirty Monkey, (844 Front St., 21+ Lah Lahaina); 808-419-6268; Thedirtymonkey.com.

Photo courtesy of Facebook/Dirty Monkey Ph

PAIA BAY BEACHFEST – Beachfest 21 is happening at Paia Bay on Saturday, Jan. 20 and Sunday, Jan. 21. Presented by the Paia Youth and Cultural Center (PYCC) and Positively+KAI, this 21st annual familyfriendly beach festival is a chance for Maui’s young bodyboarders and surfers show off their tricks, styles and barrel-riding skills in a supported environment. Guest speakers include Kai Lenny and Dave Hubbard. $20 pre-sale and $30 on event day. Free to watch. Event registration closes at 9:30am on event day. Paia Bay, (Hana Hwy., Paia); Pyccmaui.org. Photo: Forest & Kim Starr

SATURDAY, JAN SATURDAY JAN. 2 20 LISA FISCHER AND GRAND BATON – Lisa Fischerr and our Grand Baton will perform at the MACC. Fischer spent four a decades as a background singer (Nine Inch Nails, Chaka Kahn, Rolling Stones) and now has her Grand Baton band..

See many talented musicians and enjoy a fusion of psyche-delic soul, progressive rock, African, Middle Eastern and Ca-al ribbean rhythms. $35-65. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural W; Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org. Photo: Djeneba Aduayo

SATURDAY, JAN. 20

ABEAR'S CHOICE HAWAII TOUR – The “ABear's Choice” Hawaii Tour will stop at Charley’s on Saturday, Jan. 20 and Sunday, Jan. 21. See Dave Herbert (aka Dave ABear) with special guests Scott Buberman, Greg Koerner, Troll Garcia and John Hanrahan. Enjoy two amazing nights of music dedicated to all things “Grateful.” 21+. $20 per show. Sat, 9pm; Sun, 7pm Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Brownpapertickets. com. Photo courtesy Facebook/ABear’s Choice Hawaii Tour

SUNDAY, JAN. 21 HYPNOSIS GONE WILD – See “Hypnosis Gone Wild” at Maui Coffee Attic. For one night only, Maui’s hypnotist Joshua Blue will unleash hilarity in Wailuku. Audience members are encouraged to volunteer on stage, and there’ll also be live music from Forrest and the People. $8. 7pm. Maui Coffee Attic, (59 Kanoa St., Wailuku); 808-250-9555; Mauicoffeeattic.com. Photo: Pixabay

BROADWAY POPS – Broadway Pops will be at MACC. This year, the Maui Pops Orchestra will be joined by vocalists Anne Runolfsson and Gary Mauer. Enjoy an outstanding show full of show tunes including some Rodgers and Hammerstein favorites. The guest conductor will be Jason Howland. $20-60. 3pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org.

Photo courtesy MACC

JANUARY 18, 2018 17

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Film

by Barry Wurst II

Skaters And Haters ‘I, Tonya’ is tacky and smug ★★★★★ Rated R / 120 Min.

I

PHOTO COURTESY IMDB

remember vividly watching the 1994 Olympic figure skating competition, if only because it presented a match the whole world was eager to witness.

After overcoming a mysterious assailant who clubbed her in the knee cap, Nancy Kerrigan returned to the ice and skated her heart out. Competing against her was Tonya Harding, who many (like myself) suspected was behind the attack.

At one point during Harding’s routine, she skated over to the judges, complained about her skates not being properly administered. The moment, encapsulated by a still of saddened Harding’s face, defined the match and sealed her fate. At the time, it seemed like poetic justice. As Kerrigan emerged the victor and Harding appeared somewhat foolish in her defeat, it felt like good had triumphed over evil. I don’t recall ever watching figure skating with much interest after that year.

The best thing about I, Tonya, Craig Gillespie’s comedy about Harding’s remarkable rise and fall as a figure skating champion, is that it creates a sympathetic case for Harding, who is an easy target and has taken years of hits as a punchline.

Margot Robbie (in an excellent performance) plays Harding, whose caustic prompting from her cruel, highly profane “monster” mother (played by Allison Janney) finds her in skating class at an absurdly young age. As Harding gathers momentum as a rare athlete who can perform a triple axel, her ongoing relationship with the soft spoken but abusive Jeff Gillooly (played by Sebastian Stan) dooms her career.

Even worse, she never got to go to Disneyland

Robbie bears an uncanny vocal and physical resemblance to Harding. More importantly, there’s an honesty and tender center to her performance, which is her best yet. The skating scenes sometimes have too much of a CGI sheen but it doesn’t matter if Robbie did all her own stunts; she made me believe she was Harding and I cared deeply about the character.

As vivid as Janney and Stan are, their one-note performances come off as caricatures with little depth. Janney swears and bullies her way through her role but there’s very little to take from it aside from easy laughs and surface level commentary. The same goes for Stan, free from playing his uninteresting Winter Soldier character in the Marvel movies but cutting loose in a role that doesn’t

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offer much beyond a whiny voice and numerous scenes of domestic abuse.

A big problem of I, Tonya is that it seems to have genuine contempt for its characters.

While it makes a case for Harding, it still presents her as “white trash” and goes out of its way to recreate moments that would have provided a season’s worth of fodder for The Jerry Springer Show. There’s also the decision to present the story as a mockdocumentary, with characters addressing the camera in interviews and often breaking the fourth wall mid-scene. Sometimes it works (particularly when one character laments how the focus on her is waning) but it mostly feels smug.

Gillespie is clearly in faux-Scorsese mode here, but Harding’s tale is more gaudy than gritty. Once the Kerrigan in-

cident comes into focus (with characters announcing to the audience on screen, “this is why you came!”), the approach switches to faux-Coen Brothers. Undoubtedly, this portion, portraying the ineptitude of working class criminals, is the most gripping. It also allows character actor Paul Walter Hauser, playing Gillooly’s best friend/evil mastermind Shawn, to steal the movie. Hauser is hilarious and finds absurd depths to his role.

I enjoyed the soundtrack choices (it’s not every day a skating routine is set to ZZ Top’s “Sleeping Bag”) and the bad 1980s hairdos (Robbie gets the worst of it) but this all feels like redneck pageantry. I, Tonya made me think twice about ever referring to Harding again as “tacky” but that’s exactly how I’d describe this movie. ■

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2018

Health & Wellness

Maui’s Mind & Body Guide The new year is here and Mauitime readers are making plans for self improvement.

Get ready for the 14th annual Mauitime Health & Wellness special edition, where we will explore some of the fascinating and revolutionary ways to enhance your health and soul.

20 JANUARY 18, 2018

Reserve space now to reach Mauitime readers who want to fulfill their New Year’s goals and better their lives.

DEADLINE: Friday, January 19th PUBLISHES: Thursday, January 25th Call to reserve your space today: Sarah at 808.283.3260 | sarah@mauitime.com Tommy at 808.283.0512 | tommy@mauitime.com

Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6

7:50 9:50. 2D FRI-WED 1:40 4:40 7:40 10:20.

Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) (Showtimes were incomplete at press time.

Please contact theater for more information.)

The Shape of Water-R- 2D THU 12:30 3:40 6:40

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle- PG13- 2D THU

10:45 1:30 4:15 7:00.

Paddington-PG- 2D THU 11:45 2:15 4:45 7:15.

Molly’s Game- R- 2D THU 10:25 1:20 4:15 7:10.

Coco- PG- 2D THU 11:30 2:00.

Ang Panday-NR- 2D THU 4:30 7:40.

The Commuter-PG13- 2D THU 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:30.

Pitch Perfect 3- 2D THU 10:30 12:45 3:00 5:25.

MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm)

9:40. 2D FRI-WED 12:20 3:40 6:40 9:40.

The Greatest Showman- PG- 2D THU 11:30 2:20 5:00 6:50 9:40. 2D FRI-WED 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:10.

Ferdinand-PG- 2D THU 11:40 2:10 5:10 7:10.

2D FRI-WED 4:00 6:50 9:30.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi- PG13- 2D THU 11:30 12:00 3:30 6:30 7:00 10:00, 3D THU 3:00 10:20. 2D FRI-WED 12:00 3:20 7:00 9:30.

Call Me By Your Name-R- 2D THU 7:20 10:20.

2D FRI-WED 12:30 3:50 6:50 10:10.

Disaster Artist- R- 2D THU 11:50 4:40.

All The Money in the World-R- 2D THU 12:20.

Darkest Hour-PG13- 2D THU 12:10 3:20 6:30 9:50.

Downsizing-R- 2D THU 3:10.

The Greatest Showman Sing-A-Long-PG- 2D FRI-WED 1:00.

12 Strong- R- 2D THU 7:40 10:30. 2D FRI-WED 12:10 4:00 7:10 10:00.

Den of Thieves-R- 2D THU 7:00 10:30. 2D FRIWED 12:40 3:30 7:10 10:00.

I, Tonya- R- 2D THU 7:30 10:40. 2D FRI-WED 12:00 3:10 6:30 10:20.

Proud Mary- R- 2D THU 11:40 2:30 4:50. 2D FRI-WED 1:30 4:10 7:00 9:50.

The Post- PG13- 2D THU 11:30 2:00 5:00 10:20. 2D FRI-WED 12:50 3:40 7:20 10:30.

Insidious: The Last Key-PG13- 2D THU 11:30 2:10 4:50 7:50 10:30. 2D FRI-WED 1:10 4:20 7:30 10:30.

Pitch Perfect 3-PG13- 2D THU 11:50 2:00 4:40

THE GREATEST SHOWMAN - PG - Musical/Biography - A musical look at P.T. Barnum and the birth of show business. Stars Hugh Jackman. 105 min.

INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY - PG13 - Horror/ Thriller - A parapsychologist deals with a terrifying haunting in her own home (which probably should have been disclosed during escrow, but I’m just saying). 103 min.

JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE PG13 - Action/Adventure - Four teens get zapped into an old video game console and have to find their way through a strange jungle. Stars Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart and Karen Gillan. 119 min.

I, TONYA - R - Biography/Comedy - Margot Robbie stars in this tongue-in-cheek look at the infamous U.S. figure skater Tonya Harding. 120 min.

MOLLY’S GAME - R - Drama/Biography - Jessica Chastain stars as Molly Bloom, a former skier who runs a high-stakes poker game that attracts the attention of the FBI. Also stars Idris Elba. See this week’s film review. 140 min.

NOW PLAYING

PADDINGTON 2 - PG - Animation/Comedy Britain’s lovable bear gets a few odd jobs so he can buy a gift for his Aunt Lucy. 103 min.

COCO - PG - Animation/Adventure - Disney Pixar’s story of a young musician enters the Land of the Dead to solve a mystery. 109 min.

THE COMMUTER - PG13 - A businessman (Liam Neeson, of course) gets caught up in an

658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Paddington 2- PG- 2D THU 1:30 4:30 7:15. 2D FRI 1:30 4:30 7:15 9:30, 2D SAT 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30, 2D SUN-MON 1:30 4:15 7:00, 2D TUE 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30, 2D WED 1:30 4:15 7:00.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle- PG13- 2D THU 1:00 4:00 7:00. 2D FRI-SAT 1:00 3:45 6:30 9:20, 2D SUN-MON 1:00 3:45 6:30, 2D TUE 1:00 3:45 6:30 9:20, 2D WED 1:00 3:45 6:30.

The Greatest Showman-PG- 2D THU 1:15 4:15 7:10. 2D FRI-SAT 1:15 4:00 6:45 9:25, 2D SUNMON 1:15 4:00 6:45, 2D TUE 1:15 4:00 6:45 9:25, 2D WED 1:15 4:00 6:45.

PHOTO COURTESY IMDB

FERDINAND - PG - Animation/Comedy - A bull named Ferdinand is mistaken for a wild beast and captured. Now he and his friends must find his way home. Voices by John Cena and Kate McKinnon. 106 min.

ANG PANDAY - NR - Action/Fantasy - A young blacksmith has to save the world from a demon and its creature army. Directed by and starring Coco Martin. 128 min.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

FRI | 1/19 90’S NIGHT WITH DJ BLAST 10pm • $10

SAT | 1/20 & SUN | 1/21 CHUCK DELEONARDIS PRESENTS ABEAR’S CHOICE FEATURING DAVE HEBERT (JGB), SCOTT BUBERMAN (PHIL & FRIENDS), GREG KOERNIER (DSO, GENT TREADLY), TROLL GARCIA (MAUI PRANKSTERS), JOHN HANRAHAN (SHAKEDOWN STREET) TWO NIGHTS ONLY! SAT 20TH 9PM • $15 PRESALE • $20 DOOR SUN 21ST 7PM • $15 PRESALE • $20 DOOR TICKETS AVAILABLE AT WWW.BROWNPAPERTICKETS.COM OR CHARLEY'S RESTAURANT & SALOON

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WED | 1/24 JUSTIN MORRIS & NICK SICKLES 6:30PM-8:30PM • no cover 142 HANA HWY

PAIA

808.579.8085

12 Strong opens this week

12 STRONG - R - Action/Drama - The story of the first special forces team we sent to Afghanistan after the 9/11 attacks. Stars Chris Hemsworth and Michael Shannon. 130 min.

THE GREATEST SHOWMAN SING ALONG PG - Musical/Biography - Here’s your chance to sing along to this musical look at P.T. Barnum and the birth of show business. Stars Hugh Jackman. 105 min.

6:30pM-8:30pM • No Cover!

7PM-10pM • No Cover

underworld conspiracy while trying to get home from work. 104 min.

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME - R - Drama/Romance - In Italy in the early 1980s, a young becomes romantically involved with a somewhat older man. Stars Armie Hammer and Timothee Chalamet. 132 min.

Justice League- PG13- 2D THU 2:20.

MON | 1/22 CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM

NEW THIS WEEK

DEN OF THIEVES - R - Action/Crime - A bunch of movie guys plot to steal the 1994 Michael Mann classic crime movie Heat, only this time they cast Gerard Butler and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. 140 min.

THURS | 1/18 THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH MARK JOHNSTONE & FRIENDS

PITCH PERFECT 3 - PG13 - Music/Comedy - Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson return for a final Bellas show, this time as part of a USO tour. 93 min.

THE POST - PG13 - Drama/History - In 1971, Washington Post Publisher Kay Graham (Meryl Streep) and Editor Ben Bradlee (Tom Hanks) risk everything to publish classified U.S. government documents related to the Vietnam War.

PROUD MARY - R - Action/Thriller - Mary (Taraji P. Henson) is a mob assassin whose life gets turned upside down when she meets a young boy during a hit that goes bad. 89 min.

THE SHAPE OF WATER - R - Drama/Fantasy A mute janitor forms a bond with a strange aquatic creature. Stars Sally Hawkins and Octavia Spencer.

Directed by Guillermo del Toro. 123 min.

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI - PG13 - Action/SciFi - Luke Skywalker’s been found, but will he help the Resistance defeat the evil First Order? Stars Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, John Boyega and Oscar Isaac. 152 min.

LAST CHANCE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD - R Crime/Biography - The story of the kidnapping of John Paul Getty III, and how his mom had to beg her billionaire grandfather to pay the ransom. 132 min.

DARKEST HOUR - PG13 - Drama/Biography Gary Oldman portrays Winston Churchill during the dark early days of World War II. 125 min.

THE DISASTER ARTIST - R - Biography/Drama - The stranger-than-fiction story of director Tommy Wiseau, whose film The Room is widely considered the worst movie in human history. Directed by James Franco.

DOWNSIZING - R - Comedy/Sci-Fi - A guy thinks he can have a better life if he shrinks himself. Stars Matt Damon and Christoph Waltz. 135 min.

JUSTICE LEAGUE - PG13 - Action/Adventure - Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, et al get the gang together to fight intergalactic bad guys. 120 min.

JANUARY 18, 2018 21

Calendar

by Alex Mitchell & Shan Kekahuna

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS WOMEN’S MARCH MAUI 2018 - Sat. Jan 20.

Women, men and children are invited to gather peaceful to affirm and protect our rights. Once again be seen and counted in global solidarity to proclaim the importance of social and economic equality for all. Stand together and speak out for the protection of our rights to free speech, safety and health for all citizens. Sponsored by the Go Green Culture Foundation. 8am. UH Maui College, (310 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); Womensmarchmaui.com COFFEE HOUSE SESSIONS: MUSIC FOR A CAUSE - Sat. Jan 20. Hosted by Maui’s musical storyteller Kimo Nevius, this intimate, acoustic music concert will feature the Tempa and Naor Project. Inspired by the “basket houses,” there's no cover charge, but donations are encouraged when the hat is passed. Every dollar raised (including a percentage of musicians’ merchandise) will go towards Maui nonprofit Leilani Farm Sanctuary, and its efforts to save animals and educate the community on the humane treatment of animals. 2pm. Wailuku Coffee Company, (26 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-495-0259; Wailukucoffeeco.com ‘PIANO MINIATURES’ - Sat. Jan 20. The lectureconcert will be a historical tribute to the piano. It’s presented by the Music at Wailuku Union Church and the Maui Outstanding Piano Amateurs Festival. The program will feature piano music from the 17th through 21st centuries and is a part of the educational forum in the Art of the Piano. The lecture will be led by Damira Feldman and amateur piano players like Noriko Fulmer, Peggy King, Niko Nemoto and Christophe Javon. Free. 7pm. Wailuku Union Church, (327 S. High St., Wailuku).

DEEP HOUSE SUNDAYS - Sun. Jan 21. Join the Maui House Collective every Sunday for Deep House Sunday at The Dirty Monkey in Lahaina.

21+.10pm. The Dirty Monkey, (844 Front St., Lahaina); 808-419-6268; Thedirtymonkey.com

STAGE SHOWS ‘ULALENA - Thu, Fri, Mon, Tue. Delight in the richness of Hawaiian history and culture through authentic Hawaiian music, dance and over 100 instruments played live in a dynamic, colorful, emotional, and entertaining theatrical performance.

Embark on this powerful journey, and leave with a deeper understanding of the island’s culture, and the true essence of aloha. $29.99 Keiki / $59.99 Adults. Children 5 and under are free. Kama‘aina, military rates and dinner partner offers are available. 5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com BURN’N LOVE - Thu, Fri, Mon, Tue. Bringing back the golden era of Elvis in Hawaii. Starring Darren Lee, relive the days of Blue Hawaii with the best Elvis impersonator in the world. $60-110.

7:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com COMEDY AND MAGIC WITH HOLDEN MOWAT - Sat. Jan 20. Join Maui Magician Holden Mowat with his interactive, all-ages magic-comedy performance on the mall’s center stage. 11:30am.

Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com WARREN AND ANNABELLE’S MAGIC SHOW - Mon-Sat. Warren Gibson, one of the country’s premier sleight-of-hand magicians, treats you to the best “close-up” magic and comedy in a beautiful 78-seat venue. Annabelle, their resident ghost, will entertain you while you dine, enjoy cocktails, appetizers and yummy desserts. $64-104.50. 5pm. Warren and Annabelle’s, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-6244; Warrenandannabelles.com

22 JANUARY 18, 2018

MAGIC MONDAY - Mon. Jan 22. Come down for a night of excitement and laughter with Resident Magician Holden Mowat. Let loose, have a drink and allow yourself to wonder. Don’t blink an eye or he’ll fool you again. $10. 10pm. Down the Hatch, (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4900; Dthmaui.com MULLIGAN’S MAGIC SHOW - Tue. Jan 23. Fun for all ages, be amused and amazed by a highenergy comedy and magic show. Free. 6:30pm.

Mulligan’s on the Blue, (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131; Mulligansontheblue.com OPEN MIC COMEDY NIGHT - Tue. Jan 23.

Put on your laughing pants, sip on your favorite libations and let these funny folks tickle your funny bone. Hosted by Power Up Comedy. 9pm.

Three’s Bar and Grill, (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808879-3133; Threesbarandgrill.com

MAUI FOODIE DIE

DJ. 6pm. Down the Hatch, (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4900; Dthmaui.com FLANAGAN AND GILLIOM DINNER SHOW Sat. Jan 20. Locals and visitors will enjoy delicious dining with great Hawaiian music by multiple award winning artists Barry Flanagan of HAPA and Eric Gilliom. Opening set by Anthony Pfluke. Cost for dinner and show is $55, show only is $25. A $5 donation from each ticket will go to a different Maui charity each month. 6:30pm. Nalu’s South Shore Grill, (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8650.

SUNDAY BRUNCH AND BLOODY MARY BAR - Sun. Jan 21. Featuring an enhanced a la carte breakfast menu created by Chef David Viviano. It’s a celebration of savory and sweet culinary delights.

Relax and enjoy a live musical jazz performance with new brunch selections each week in addition to the regular menu including favorites Shrimp and Grits, an Waffles and Steak and Chicken and Eggs. E Enjoy a “Build-your-own Bloo Bloody Mary Bar” with an asso sortment of liquor, mixers a and all the trimmings to m make a most decadent libation. 10am. Cane and Canoe, (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Caneandcanoe.com

KING’S VISIT WINE TASTING AST TING 8.

AND TOUR - Thu. Jan 18.

This is a great opportu-nity for wine lovers and for those that want to learn more about grape production on Maui. This exclusive tour includes UT visiting the Old Jail, tastWINE SOCIAL - SunKO C E ing small-production CH days and Mondays. Join EK E N single varietal Ulupalakua A W C i an intimate wine and in THE Vineyards estate wines, a YOU .

OF fo food pairing with restau7 1 S K E rd walk through the vineyard rant and wine list manager PIC PAG porgrounds, and lots of opporN O H Jim Hansen.

His thoughtful ut the tunities to talk story about selection are paired with light selections history of Rose Ranch. Reserva4:30p Pulehu, an Italian Grill, bites. 4:30pm. m MauiWine, MauiWine tions are required. 3:30pm.

(6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3254; Ulupalakua Vineyards, (14815 Pi‘ilani Hwy., UluPulehurestaurantmaui.com palakua); 808-878-6058; Mauiwine.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun. Jan 21. Enjoy KAPALUA SUNSET EXPERIENCE - Thu. Jan Chef Tylun Pang’s healthy and modern take on a 18. Offered daily, guests can sit back, relax and traditional Hawaiian dish, the special seafood lautake in the beautiful Maui sunset while enjoying a lau includes Maui fresh catch fish, shrimp, scalspecial three-course Sunset Menu in the resort’s lops, spinach, mushrooms and baby bok choy, all Banyan Tree Restaurant which includes a glass wrapped in ti leaf, steamed, and served with jasof sparkling wine and an amuse bouche from the mine rice. Kama‘aina offer not applicable. 5pm. Ko Chef. Cost is $65 and wine pairings are availRestaurant at Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea able for an additional $25 per person. 5:30pm.

Alanui Dr.); 808-875-2210; Korestaurant.com The Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua, (1 Ritz-Carlton Dr., KaTIKI TUESDAY - Tue. Jan 23. Paper umbrelpalua); 808-665-7212; Ritzcarlton.com/kapalua las, outlandish garnishes and expertly layered WILLIE K AND THE WAREHOUSE BLUES cocktails. Inspired by the tropics and highlightBAND - Thu. Jan 18. Enjoy the electric sounds ing the classic style that made tiki a world pheof Willie K as he rocks the house with blues, rock, nomenon. Enjoy some tiki elixirs and Exotica-era Hawaiian and sometimes even opera. A scrumptunes. 4pm. Luana Lounge at Fairmont Kea tious prime rib and seafood buffet is available. $70 Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; for dinner and show. $30 for 8pm show only. ResFairmont.com/kea-lani-maui/dining/luana ervations required. 6:30pm. King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-866-5025; Mauiliveevents.com

'T N O D T! E G FOR

ART SCENE

THE GRAPE ESCAPE - Fri. Jan 19. Take a wine tour around the globe and taste five wines paired with cuisine inspired by the highlighted region. Advanced registration required. 5pm. Luana Lounge at Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808875-4100; Fairmont.com/kea-lani-maui/dining/luana

MARTY WOLFF - Until Mon. Feb 5. Photographer Marty Wolff’s experience and ideas about altered states of perception are apparent in his creations.

See his exhibit on display in the Banyan Tree Gallery. 1pm. Lahaina Arts Society, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-0111; Lahainaarts.com

CRAB LEGS AND PRIME RIB BUFFET WITH LIVE MUSIC - Fri. Jan 19. Enjoy a scrumptious buffet featuring crab legs and prime rib while listening to Maui musician Ron Kuala‘au. Ron’s velvety voice and melodic guitar provides a beautiful ambiance featuring Hawaiian and Contemporary Music. $44.95 per person, and half-off for children 10 and younger. Reservations are recommended. 5:30pm.

Kahili Restaurant, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-242-6000; Kahilirestaurant.com

ARIEL QUIROZ - Until Thu. Jan 25. Fine artist Ariel Quiroz will be the artist in residence for January. He will be in the gallery every Thursday creating a new piece of art. He can also paint an image of you and your loved one. 4pm. Maui Hands Hyatt, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-6677997; Mauihands.com

‘FRESH SQUEEZED’ FRIDAY - Fri. Jan 19.

Sip “Fresh Squeezed” cocktails prepared by house craftsmen Adam Rio, Joshua Hopkins and Maya Alexander. It will be followed by the “Official Art Walk After Party” featuring a local

2018 HUI NOE’AU ANNUAL JURIED EXHIBITION - Until Fri. Feb 16. This prestigious competition gives visitors an opportunity to view current work by local artists in all media. The Hawai’i State Foundation on Culture and the Arts recognizes this exhibition each year through its Art in Public Places Program. Nationally renowned guest jurors from Maui, Hawaii and beyond offer a different perspec-

tive for a unique show every year. 10am-5pm. Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com EXHIBIT: SCHAEFER PORTRAIT CHALLENGE - Until Sun. Mar 18. This statewide juried exhibition continues to present the diversity of Hawaii’s people through explorations in portraiture. A broad range of interpretations and styles are seen in a wide range of media in portraits that represent the people of the islands. The artists' accomplishments are acknowledged with two cash awards through the Jurors Choice Award and the Marian Freeman People’s Choice Award. Our invited jurors are Charlie Cohan (Oahu), Linda Bennett (Kauai), and Jennifer Owen (Maui). Free. 10am.

Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org FINE ART TOUR - Thu. Jan 18. View original art and giclees by Local Maui Artists and tour one of the only two Frank Lloyd Wright Buildings in Hawaii. Tour packages include discounted dining and golf rates. Reservations for your private tour are required. King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-866-5025; Mauiliveevents.com PAPAHANAUMOKUAKEA PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBIT - Thu. Jan 18. Collection celebrates the conservation of biodiverse ecosystems as marine monuments under review by Trump administration.

The exhibit, includes 30 individual mounted photos from photographers David Littschwager and Susan Middleton who spent time in the Northwestern Hawaiian islands and have published a book of photography titled Archipelago. Additional images of Presidents Bush and Obama are on view from the same area from NOAA and an image from artist Solomon Enos. 9am. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-270-7061; Mauioceancenter.com JACK HAMILTON - Fri. Jan 19. Jack has been a silversmith for over 40 years and a fine art oil painter for over 20 years. He will be demonstrating his oil painting technique. Come and meet Hamilton and watch him work on a new painting.

4pm. Maui Hands Makawao, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008; Mauihands.com MAUI GIFT AND CRAFT FAIR - Sun. Jan 21.

Enjoy locally made art, jewelry, gifts and crafts from over 35 local vendors, including Maui Fine Art, Nalu Koa, Lee Olulani Plevney, Footprints in the Sand, Lightsavor Photography, Bodhi Waves, Primitive Vibes Hawaii, Mahina Spirit and many more. 9am. Lahaina Gateway, (305 Keawe St., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainagateway.com; Mauigiftandcraftfair.com LUANA KAMA - Tue. Jan 23. Watercolorist Luana Kama finds it fascinating to see the pigments and water flow on paper. Her favorite subjects to paint are people and flowers. Visit the gallery and see her creations. 4:30pm. Maui Hands Lahaina, (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; Mauihands.com JEANNE YOUNG - Wed. Jan 24. Jeanne is a painter and explores any subject and style that stimulates her artistic passion, her favorite subject is people and water. Come by the gallery to meet this talented artist and watch her process and technique. 4:30pm. Maui Hands Lahaina, (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; Mauihands.com

TICKETS ON SALE AOTERAROA’S FINEST - Thu. Jan 25. This is music that fuses cultural roots, memorable tunes and honest gripping lyrics by Maori singer/songwriters Maisey Rika, Rob Ruha and Seth Haapu. They’ll be joined by Horomona Horo, New Zealand’s leading practitioner in traditional Maori instruments. All are superb musicians and performers, revered for their artistry and Maori activism, positioned at the forefront of a new generation of indigenous performers

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CANE & CANOE Montage Kapalua Bay, 1 Bay Drive, Kapalua - 662-6681

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE

Piilani Arias, 5:30-8:30pm

Kapali Keahi, 5:30-8:30pm

Gary Larson, 5:30-8:30pm & Piano w/Dayan Kai (At the Bar) 6-9pm

Sunday Brunch w/ Gary Larson (9am-12noon) & Joseph Chee, 5:30-8:30pm

MON- Kincaid Kipahu, 5:30-8:30pm, TUE- Brian Haia, 5:30-8:30pm, WED- Kalani Smythe 5:30-8:30pm

Open For Dinner

Open For Dinner & 3rd Friday After Party

Open For Dinner

Soul Kitchen, 3pm $10

MON Closed, TUE Open for Dinner, WED - Ladies Night 2.0’s w/ DJs, 10pm, $5/$10

Mark Johnstone & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm no cover

90s Night w/DJ Blast, 10pm $10

ABear’s Choice, 9pm $15/$20

NFL Sunday Ticket & Bloody Mary Bar & ABear’s Choice, 7pm $15/$20

MON - Live Band & Open Mic, 7-10pm, TUE - Tom Conway 6:30pm, WED - Justin Morris & Nick Sickles, 6:30pm

Scot Freeman, 4:30pm & Harry Troupe, 8pm

Joe Benedet, 4:30pm & Harry Troupe, 8pm

Scot Freeman, 4:30pm & Brooks Maguire, 8pm

Joe Benedet, 4:30pm & Scot Freeman, 8pm

MON - Mark Burnett 4:30pm & Evan Shulman 8pm, TUE - Scot Freeman, 4:30pm & Brooks Maguire, 8pm, WED - Brooks Maguire, 4:30pm & Harry Troupe Open Mic 8pm

Will Hartzog 7:30pm-10pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7-9pm; no cover

MON - Garrett Probst 7:30pm, WED - Benny Uyetake, 7pm

Gina Martinelli Band 6pm

MON - NFL, TUE - Pool League, WED - Happy Hump Day!

NFL & MIG Presents Arcade Night & Deep House Sunday

TUE - Karaoke w/Casey Jones, WED - SIN w/ Andrew Dana, 9pm

Trivia Night, 9pm

MON - Magic with Holden Mowat, 9pm WED - Wine Down Wednesday’s, 8:30pm

Paul Marchetti Duo, 7-10pm

MON - Levi Poasa 6-9:30pm, TUE - Pat Simmons Jr. 6-9:30pm, WED- Johnny Ringo 6-9:30pm

811 Front Street, Lahaina - 661-4855

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St #160, Lahaina 667-0988

DIAMOND'S ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-9299

DIRTY MONKEY 844 Front St., Lahaina - 419-6286

DOWN THE HATCH 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

in Aotearoa, New Zealand. $40. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org BOOK TRUST BRINGS MAGICAL CELEBRATION TO MAUI - Sat. Jan 27. Book Trust’s sixth annual fundraising extravaganza has been customdesigned to delight all your senses. This Treasure Island-themed event will feature live entertainment and Caribbean cuisine prepared by Chef Tylun Pang and the Fairmont culinary team. Guests will have the opportunity to bid on live and silent auction items including travel packages, fine art, activities and more. All proceeds will go towards supporting Book Trust’s work in Maui County and Hawaii. $150.

5:30pm. Fairmont Kea Lani Maui, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; Booktrust.org MAKANA AND FRIENDS: A TRIBUTE TO HAWAIIAN SLACK KEY LEGEND SONNY CHILLINGWORTH - Sat. Jan 27. This tribute concert will take you back in time to the slopes of Mauna Kea, the birth of the “paniolo,” and the origins of Sonny Chillingworth’s slack key style. Enjoy special musical performances by Makana, Lono Kaumeheiwa, Lopaka Colon and Yoza. $30-65. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org JUDY’S GANG IN ‘PARTY ON’ - Sun. Jan 28.

Judy Ridolfino and Judy’s Gang are ready to party.

Do the twist, the silly squirrel dance, the boogie oogie oogie and more. It’s family fun for all ages in this show of tap and jazz dancing. Tickets are $13 and free for kids 4 and under. 5pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org SACRED MUSIC OF INDIA CONCERT/KIRTAN - Sun. Jan 28. Gina Sala returns to Maui for “Some enCHANTing Evening” with special musical guest Daniel Paul for a Sacred Music of India Concert/Kirtan. A vocalist, composer, music director, sound healer and teacher from Seattle, Sala will share cross-cultural singing, Sanskrit, mantra and chant for an evening with the Sacred and the Divine. $20 advance tickets available at: Maui Kombucha (Haiku) and MacNet (Kahului) or $30 at-the-door. 7pm. Makawao Union Church, (1445 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-579-9261; Makawaounionchurch.org B CELLARS WINE DINNER - Tue. Jan 30. Get

NFL Football, SIN, Patrick & Levi 9pm Happy Hour Music w/ Evan Dove

Happy Hour w/Micah Manzano & Late Night w/ DJ Illz

SIN w/DJ Love, 10pm

Fresh Squeezed Friday 6:30pm & DJ Leanne 10pm

The House Shakers, 7-10pm

The House Shakers w/ Gretchen Rhodes, 7-10pm

nestled in the pineapple fields on the lower slopes of Haleakala and treat your palate. Guest will enjoy a delicious four course meal perfectly paired with wine from B Cellars Vineyards and Winery from Napa Valley for a fantastic evening. $150. 5:30pm.

Hali‘imaile General Store, (900 Hali‘imaile Rd., Makawao); 808-572-2666; HGSMaui.com CUARTETO LATINOAMERICANO - Thu. Feb 1. They are known worldwide as the leading proponent of modern Latin American music for string quartet. This award-winning ensemble from Mexico consists of the three Bitran brothers–violinists Saul and Aron and cellist Alvaro–and violist Javier Montiel. The Cuarteto will perform their newest program “Miniatures from the Americas.” They’ll highlight a variety of compositional styles featuring music from Brazil, Chile, Costa Rica, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Uruguay and Argentina. $12-65.

7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org KUMU KAHUA THEATRE: ‘WILD BIRDS’ - Fri. Feb 2 & Sat. Feb 3. Amos and Juliette Cooke had the best intentions. In 1839 Honolulu, the couple was honored to be chosen to oversee the education of the children of the kings and queens of Hawaii. But how did they enforce rigorous discipline on a sacred ali‘i child? When does education become a form of imperialism? Inspired by historical events, this historical drama by Eric Anderson tells the story of intense cultural clashes, the effects of western education on the indigenous monarchy and a teacher’s profoud disillusionment. $28.

7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org YOUNG ARTIST SHOWCASE CONCERT Sat. Feb 3 & Sun. Feb 4. The Maui Chamber Orchestra proudly presents their very first Young Artists Showcase Concert, featuring the winners of their first Youth Concerto Competition: Yxing Gao (violin), Ylang Guo (violin), and Bryce Clearing Sky (piano), as well as Jonah Ellsworth, an up-and-coming cello phenom in the classical world. Showtimes are Saturday 7:30-9:30pm and Sunday 3-5pm. There will also be a conversation with the conductor at 1:30pm on Sunday only, for all ticket holders. $27-55. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauichamberorchestra.org

Late Night w/DJ Louie Mole (NYC)

Thunder n Lightnin’, 7-10pm

OKAREKA DANCE COMPANY: MANA WAHINE - Thu. Feb 8. Okareka Dance Company fuses contemporary dance with indigenous Maori themes and other genres to create authentic, diverse works, led

by Taane Mete and Taiaroa Royal. An all-female work, “Mana Wahine” (Powerful Woman) draws strength from traditional Maori culture to illustrate a tapestry of dance, theatre, and film. It emulates the journey from creature to motherhood, life force to the spirit world, the honoring of mother earth and sky father. $12-65.

7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org TRACY K. SMITH IN THE GREEN ROOM - Fri. Feb 9. The Merwin Conservancy presents an intimate evening with U.S. Poet Laureate Tracy K. Smith.

Smith is the author of the memoir Ordinary Light and three books of poetry. She has won the Pulitzer Prize in 2012, the Rona Jaffe Writers Award and Academy Fellowship in 2004 and the Whiting Award in 2005.

The presentation will be followed by a Q&A and book signing at a courtyard reception with dessert, champagne, book fair and live musical entertainment. Tickets: $25, $10/special student price w/ID. 7pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org PIANIST DAN TEPFER- Fri. Feb 9. Dan Tepfer has made a name for himself as a pianist and composer of wide-ranging ambition, individuality and drive. The New York City-based Tepfer has performed with some of the leading lights in jazz. Tepfer will present his internationally acclaimed performance of Bach’s Goldberg Variations. Here’s a chance to hear solo improvisation and intimate duets and original compositions. This is a benefit for Adaptations Dance Theater. Tickets: $20-65 with a limited number of premium seats for $125 that include a post-show reception with refreshments. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org LAURYN HILL FEATURING ELI MAC - Sat. Feb 10.

Lauryn Hill’s prolific rhymes catapulted her into the public eye as a member of the Fugees. Her first album as a solo artist, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200 chart, selling over 400,000 copies in its first week and breaking a record for first-week sales by a female artist. She will be joined by Maui’s own Eli Mac. Gates open at 5pm. $59-129. Show starts at 6pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org

‘THE VERY BEST OF DAVE MASON’ TOUR - Sat. Feb 10. Blues Bear Hawaii is presenting Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Dave Mason. This limited engagement tour includes Johnne Sambataro, Alvino Bennett and Tony Patler. Tickets: $45-75; VIP experience add-on: $125 (includes meet-and-greet during sound check with an opportunity to take personal photos with Dave, a tour VIP laminate, a tour merchandise item, and either an autographed 8x10 photo or a tour book.) VIP check-in 5pm. Show starts at 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org DORIC STRING QUARTET - Sun. Feb 11. The Doric String Quartet has firmly established itself as the leading British string quartet of its generation, receiving enthusiastic responses from audiences and critics across the globe. The quartet includes Alex Redington and Jonathan Stone on violin, Helene Clement on viola and John Myerscough on cello. $12-65. 3pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org A VALENTINE’S DAY ENGAGEMENT - Wed. Feb 14. Get ready for a trip back to the 1990s!

Tantriq Entertainment presents “All-4-One, Soul for Real and Forte” for a special Valentine’s Day concert. All-4-One and Soul for Real dominated the R/B airwaves with hits like “So Much In Love,” “I Swear” and “Candy Rain.” The lovely ladies of Forte from Hawaii will reunite with classic such as “Give My Love To You” and “Loving You.” $59160. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW; Mauiarts.org

CALENDAR OF EVENTS THURSDAY, JANUARY 18 MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY FOSTER S.O.S. - Ongoing. The Maui Humane Society is seeking immediate short-term foster homes for dogs due to crowded conditions at the organization’s kennel. The Maui Humane Society will provide all supplies and information needed to become a foster home to a shelter dog. Visit the shelter anytime Monday-Saturday, 11am-6pm. Maui Humane Society, (1350 Mehameha Lp., Pu‘unene); 808-877-3680; Mauihumanesociety.org

JANUARY 18, 2018 23

MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA PRESENTS

Guest Vocalist Anne Runolfsson

Guest Conductor Jason Howland

Guest Vocalist Gary Mauer

Savor the vocal talents of Anne Runolfsson and Gary Mauer with guest conductor, Jason Howland. A wonderful selection of show tunes, including some Rodgers & Hammerstein favorites, will carry you to your happiest place.

JANUARY 21, 2018 • 3:00PM

Maui Arts & Cultural Center • Castle Theater TICKETS: $60, $50, $35, $20 plus applicable fees 1/2 price for students 18 and under in the $60/$50/$35 price sections MACC Box Office: 808-242-SHOW or purchase online at MauiArts.org

MUSIC IN PARADISE

For Information about Maui Pops Orchestra please visit MauiPops.org

SUPER BOWL LII 2018 IS COMMING SOON! IS YOUR BUSINESS OR RESTAURANT CELEBRATING ON FEBRUARY 4TH?

Reserve space now to be sure our readers know where they can find great specials and the best parties for The Big Game.

CALL TODAY AND ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIAL EVENT ADVERTISING RATES! Personal sessions and community classes on Maui.

For more information please call 808.371.2037 or visit

@EscenceYogaTherapy

24 JANUARY 18, 2018

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HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

KAHALE’S 36 Keala Place, Kihei- 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

10 Year Anniversary Party w/ DJ Illz, 9pm-close

Dat Guyz 9pm-close

Jah Residentz, 9pm-close

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close

MON - Karaoke 8pm, TUE - Karaoke & $1 Tacos 9pm, WED- Open Mic 9pm

Rick Glencross, 7-10pm, no cover

Brian Mansano, 7-10pm, no cover

Ori Aviv, 7-10pm, no cover

Jon Bowser, 7-10pm, no cover

MON - Jon Bowser, TUE - Nino Tascano & Paul Bunuan, WED - Rick Glencross, 7-10pm, no cover

Bad Kitty, 8pm-12am

Sunburn, 8pm-12am

Maui Blues, 8pm-12am

Juke Box Madness, All Day

MON & TUE -Juke Box Madness (All Day), WED- Curtis Loves Living Room, 8pm

Ma’a 6:30-8:30pm

Tori Dixon Band, 8-10pm

Ma’a 6:30-8:30pm

Benny Uyetake, 6-8pm

MON - Benny Uyetake 6-8pm, TUE & WED - Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Latin Night w/ DJ Grace

Aqua Dance Club, 10pm no cover

Lava Rock Dance Party, 10pm no cover

NFL Breakfast w/ 16 screens

MON- SIN, TUE- Happy Hour 3-6pm, WED- Girls Night Out & DJ at 10pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

David Wolf 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolf, TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

Brooks Maguire 6:30-8:30pm

Hirie Concert 7-10pm, 21+ $20 GA / $65 VIP

Celtic Tigers 7-9:30pm

TUE - Magic Show, 6:30pm, Open Mic Comedy 9pm

NFL & Thirsty Thursday

Sports all day, College Football & darts

NFL all day, darts & free pool

MON- Monday Night Football & free pool, TUE - $2 Taco Tuesdays, WED- Specials & 9-Ball Tournament

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAVA ROCK BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 727-2521

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

PLAYMAKERS SPORTS BAR 928 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4084

‘ONE PUKA PUKA: THE PURPLE HEART BATTALION’ EXHIBIT - Until Wed. Feb 28. 2017 marks the 75th anniversary of the formation of the 100th Infantry Battalion, comprised almost entirely of Nisei from Hawaii. The original exhibit consists of five panels, and covers the overall story of the Nisei experience in WWII. They include the background stories on the 100th Infantry Battalion, the 442nd Regimental Combat Team, the Military Intelligence Service, the Rescue of the Lost Battalion and the Legacy of the Nisei Veterans as they returned home. 9:30am. Sugar Museum, (3957 Hansen Rd, Pu‘unene); 808-871-8058; Sugarmuseum.com READ ALOUD AMERICA - Until Sun. Jan 21. Join a fun story time with Read Aloud America. All keiki will receive a healthy snack and free book to take home. No aquarium admission required. Space is limited, but you should RSVP online. Free. 1:30pm.

Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-2707061; Readaloudamerica.eventbrite.com

pose: to assure that Alcoholics Anonymous will continue to be available to those who need. Public Information committees in AA carry the message of recovery to the still-suffering alcoholic by informing the general public about the AA program. They do this in part through the media, schools, industry, and others. For days, times, locations and/or more information, call, email or visit the website. AA Central Office, (info@aamaui.org); 808-244-9673; AAmaui.org HULA LESSONS - Thu. Jan 18. Want to learn hula? Drop by the mall's center stage for a free lesson with Jan Kitaguchi. Free. 5pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

FRIDAY, JANUARY RY 19

PICNIC FOR POKI HAWAIIAN MUSIC CONCERT - Thu. Jan 18. Roselani Place and Ola Na Mele Productions invite you to a Picnic for Poki.

The featured guest with live Hawaiian entertainment will be Ernest “Da Barefoot Warrior” Pua‘a.

There will also be delicious cookies and coffee from the Roselani Place kitchen. Bring your lunch, a lawn chair, relax and enjoy the beautiful sounds of Hawaii. Free. 11am. Ka‘ahumanu Church, (103 S. High St., Wailuku); 808-871-7720.

BOOK-SIGNING WITH AUES THOR MICHAEL BACKES n - Fri. Jan 19. Maui Grown Therapies will host Michael Backes, author of the pioneering book, Cannabis PharmacyPractical Guide to Medical Marijuana. Backes is a researcher and cannabis expert and offers evidence-based informao tion on cannabis therapy to nts manage an array of ailments and conditions. He providess information on how cannabiss works in the human body, how best to prepare and administer it, and how to modify and control dosage. 329 card is NOT required for entry. 11am. Maui Grown Therapies, (44 Paa St., Kahului); 808-866-7576; Mauigrowntherapies.com

KEIKI HULA SHOW - Thu. Jan 18. Enjoy a true Hawaiian hula show from various hula halau, such as Te Tiare Patitifa, Na Kamali‘i Nani O Lahaina, Halau Hula O Keola Ali‘iokekai and Hui Lanakila every Tuesday and Thursday. 6:30pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

PAU HANA AND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT - Fri. Jan 19. Gather the ohana and celebrate the end of the work week with live musical performances by Maui’s talented musicians and stay for dinner at one of the award-winning restaurants. 4pm. The Shops at Wailea, (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-891-6770; Theshopsatwailea.com

ENCORE ENTREPRENEURSHIP - STARTING YOUR OWN BUSINESS - Thu. Jan 18. For those interested in starting a small business in 2018, Courtney Dumlao, Loan Fund Manager with MEO and David Daly, MEO Business Center Director, will discuss the four core principles of a business plan.

Free. 6pm. Akaku Maui Community Media, (333 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-871-5554; Akaku.org

KAMAAINA NIGHTS - Fri. Jan 19. Enjoy a locally grown Hawaiian concert series for the entire ohana, featuring popular Maui bands, store and restaurant specials and prize giveaways. 6pm. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-4325; Queenkaahumanucenter.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS MEETINGS - Thu. Jan 18. Recovered alcoholics share a common pur-

PENGUIN AWARENESS DAY - Sat. Jan 20. For the third year in a row, Hyatt Regency Maui will celebrate its seven African Black-Footed Penguins. Guests can

HORSEMANSHIP FOR VETERANS PROGRAM - Thu. Jan 18. Open to all U.S. military service members including active duty, disabled, and retired veterans. 9am. Haku Baldwin Center, (444 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-9129; Hbcriding@gmail.com; Hakubaldwincenter.org

College Football, Drink Specials & Darts

enjoy a special penguin feeding in the Atrium Lobby and learn more about these captivating creatures. Following the penguin feeding, partake in penguin cookie decorating, take pictures with the resort’s penguin mascot and capture a moment at the photo booth.

9:30am. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234; Maui.hyatt.com

SUNDAY, JANUARY 21

WEST MAUI COMMUNITY PLAN OPEN HOUSE - Sat. Jan 20. The County of Maui Department of Planning will hold a community open house to display feedback gathered during the 2017 community engagement effort for the update of the West Maui Community Plan. The public can view the summary of community feedback questionnaires, public meetings, interviews, site works visits, workshop activities and the We We Maui website. 10am.

Are West West Maui Senior Center, (788 Pau Pauoa St., Lahaina); 80866 661-9432; Wearemaui.org

MONDAY, JANUARY 22

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SATURDAY, JANUARY 20

K KEIKI HULA SHOW - Sat. Jan 20. Enjoy a true Hawaiian hula show from various hula halau, such as Te Tiare Patitifa, Na Kamali‘i Nani O Lahaina, Halau Hula O K Keola Ali‘iokekai and Hui La Lanakila every Saturday and Sun Sunday. 1pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacan Lahainacannerymall.com

YU-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Sat. Jan 20.

Free card session at Maui Toy Works. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com UKULELE STRUMMING WORKSHOP - Sat. Jan 20. Get an introduction to the joy of making music the Ukulele Mele Way with a unique method of forming ukulele chords with minimal muscle strain and strumming styles. Play fun, sing-along songs while accompanied by a professional ukulele bass player. Discover ways to continue learning on Maui, online, by single song lesson downloads, and/or by packaged sets of book/DVD/CD for beginners, intermediate, and advanced ukulele players. Seats are limited. Pre-registration is recommended. $10.

10am. Hale Ho’ike’ike, (2375 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326; Mauimuseum.org ECO FARM TOURS - Sat. Jan 20. Join in an educational tour of permaculture design features. $20-39.

4pm. Ahimsa Sanctuary Farm, (4505 Hana Hwy., Haiku); 808-283-8057; Ahimsasanctuaryfarm.com

FREE ZUMBA - Sun. Jan 21. Everybody is welcome. Sundays from 8:30-9:30am at the Maui Mall and from 9-10am at the Outlets of Maui.

Free. Keoni’s Hot Lava DanceFit; 808-344-7122; Hotlavadancefit.com

HULA DANCE WORKSHOP WITH PAPA HULA - Mon. Jan 22. Hula is a significant part of the Hawaiian culture and is known throughout the world as an icon of Hawaii. With this class, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation of the traditional dance. Guest will learn about the history of hula, the art of chanting, basic hula footwork and hand movements and also learn about different instruments and how they are used in hula. 1pm. The Shops at Wailea, (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-891-6770; Theshopsatwailea.com OUTDOOR YOGA IN NORTH KIHEI - Mon. Jan 22. Sandy Callender, a Registered Yoga Teacher, will show how using traditional yoga postures and breath work and practice brings you greater flexibility and strength. Donation. 8am.

Waipulani Park, (South Kihei); 808-214-2766; Easyyogamaui.com

TUESDAY, JANUARY 23 GUIDED BIRD WALKS - Tue. Jan 23. Here is a chance to learn more about the refuge and native birds including: the endangered Hawaiian stilt and Hawaiian coot and migratory waterfowl. Visitors are encouraged to bring binoculars, water, and sturdy walking shoes. Free. 9am. Kealia Pond National Wildlife Refuge, (Mile Post 6, Mokulele Hwy., Kihei); FWS.gov FLATBREAD FOR SOMOS OHANA NICARAGUA - Tue. Jan 23. Enjoy delicious wood-fired pizza for a cause to benefit the Maui non-profit Somos Ohana Nicaragua. During the evening shop for Nicaraguan crafts and bid on valuable silent auction items. Benefits raised will go towards the building of a high school in Nicaragua. 5pm. Flatbread Company, (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-5798989; 808-878-8015; Somosohananicaragua.org UNLEASH YOUR INNER HEALER - Tue. Jan 23. Join stage 4 cancer survivor Rita Massey as she shares three common mistakes people facing cancer and other major illnesses make and how to avoid them. Be inspired by her story and learn tips and tools to empower your inner healer. 6pm. 808 Wellness Center, (2439 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-4325; 808wellnessmaui@gmail.com; 6keystohealcancer.com

JANUARY 18, 2018 25

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SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S. Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

VIBE BAR & NIGHTCLUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

WHAT ALES YOU 1913 S Kihei Rd. - 214-6581

ENHANCEFITNESS - Tue. Jan 23. EnhanceFitness has led to proven improvements in strength, flexibility, balance, cardiovascular health and social engagement in the elderly. The program will meet on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays for individuals age 50+. A voluntary contribution of $20 per month is suggested to offset the cost of the program. Call to register. 9:30am. Hale Mahaolu Ehiku, (56 Ehiku St., Kihei); 808-463-3166; Halemahaolu.org UKULELE LESSONS - Tue. Jan 23. It’s never too late to learn how to play the Hawaiian Guitar. Free. 5:45pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

LIVE MUSIC WEST MAUI AUNTIE'S KITCHEN AT WESTIN KA‘ANAPALI RESORT - Fri, Live Music 4-7pm; Mon, Live Music 4-7pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3254; Westinkaanapali.com/auntieskitchen CANE AND CANOE - Thu, Piilani Arias 5:308:30pm; Fri, Kapali Keahi 5:30-8:30pm; Sat, Solo Jazz Guitarist Gary Larson 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Gary Larson and Eric van Ketel Jazz Duo 9am-12pm; Sun, Joseph Chee 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, Kincaid Kipahu 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Brian Haia 5:30-8:30pm; (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Caneandcanoe.com CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Thu, Johnny Ringo 2-5pm; Fri, Will Hartzog 2-5pm; Mon, Will Hartzog 2-5pm; Tue, Johnny Ringo 2-5pm; (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988; CaptainJacksMaui.com CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Thu, Scot Freeman 4:30-7:30pm; Thu, Harry Troupe 8-11pm; Fri, Joe Benedet 4:30-7:30pm; Fri, Harry Troupe 8-11pm; Sat, Scot Freeman 4:30-7:30pm; Sat, Brooks Maguire 8-11pm; Sun, Joe Benedet 4:30-7:30pm; Sun, Scot Freeman 8-11pm; Mon, Mark Burnett 4:30-7:30pm; Mon, Evan Shulman 8-11pm; Tue, Scot Freeman 4:30-7:30pm; Tue, Brooks Maguire 8-11pm; (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855; Cheeseburgerland.com COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:3010pm; Fri, Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Garrett Probst 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:30-10pm; (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908; Coolcatcafe.com DOWN THE HATCH - Thu, Damian Awai 10:30am-1:30pm; (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4900; Dthmaui.com DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Garrett Probst and Keali’i Lum 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Fri,

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Jamie Gallo, 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike, 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini & Ynot, 10pm

Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ Kamikazee 10pm

Viva La Rumba 4pm, Sunday Lounge w/ DJ Joralien, 10pm

Karaoke w/ Brant Quick 9pm-12am; no cover

3rd Friday Party w/ Annie & The Orfinz, $5 cover, 8-12pm

Karaoke w/ Brant Quick 9pm-12am; no cover

NFL Sunday’s (open at 7am)

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm; no cover

MON - Kanoa 4pm, DJ Big Mike, 10pm TUE - Jon Bowser 4-6pm, DJ Salvo, 10pm WED - Natalie Nicole 4pm, DJ Lobstah, 10pm

TUE - Open Mic Comedy Night, 9-11pm

Karaoke 8:30pm-close

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Karaoke 8pm-close

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MON - WED, Karaoke, 8pm-close

Electro New Wave Beats w/ DJ Trent Nox, 9pm

FourPlay Friday w/ DJ Bliss, 9pm

Saturday Smash w/ #Poundtown, 9pm

Kurt’s Underground Dance Party, 9pm

MON - Week 2: Next Top DJ Competition 7pm & SIN at 9pm, TUE- $2 Tues w/Kanoa 9pm, WED- Hump Day w/ DJ BLKSHP & Baby Monk Seals, 9pm

Jason Arcilla 7-9pm

Kevin Leonard 6:30-8pm

Erica Ambrin 7-9pm

Brian Santana 7-9pm

TUE - Brian Santana, 7-9pm WED - Kerrie O'Neill, 7-9pm

Damon Parrillo and Tim Osbourne 6-8:30pm; Sat, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Sat, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Sun, Damien Awai 6-8:30pm; (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900; Dukesmaui.com HULA GRILL - Thu, Kealii Lum and Friends 2-5pm; Thu, Damon Parillo and Friends 6-9pm; Fri, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Fri, Ma’a 2-5pm; Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 2-5pm; Sat, Danyel Alana and Friends 6-9pm; Sun, Josh Lum 2-5pm; Sun, Lahui 6-9pm; Mon, Ua Aloha Maji 2-5pm; Mon, Keali’i Lum and Friends 6-9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 2-5pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku 6-9pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Fri, Guest Musician 7-10pm; Sat, Guest Musician 7-10pm; Sun, Jon Bowser 7-10pm; Mon, Jon Bowser 7-10pm; Tue, Nino Toscano and Paul Bunuan 7-10pm; (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Honokowai); 808-667-0787; Javajazzmaui.com KIMO’S - Thu, Ma‘a 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Tori Dixon 8-10pm; Fri, Tori Dixon 8-10pm; Sat, Ma‘a 6:308:30pm; Sun, Benny Uyetake 6-8pm; Mon, Benny Uyetake 6-8pm; (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811; Kimosmaui.com LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Thu, John Kane 7:30-9pm; Fri, John Kane 7:30-9pm; Sat, Joseph Chee 7:30-9:30pm; (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700; Lahainapizzaco.com LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD and Friends 3-5pm; Sun, ‘Kilohana’ Merv Oana and Duane Feig 3-5pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495; Leilanis.com LONGHI’S - Thu, Summer Macedo and Shawn McLauglin 5:30-7:30pm; Fri, Brian and Meryl 5:30-7:30pm; Sun, Two Cats 6-9pm; Mon, Chad Kaya 5:30-7:30pm; Tue, Wilmont Kahaialii and Shawn McLaughlin 5:30-7:30pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; Longhis.com MERRIMAN’S - Thu, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, David Wolf 5:308:30pm; Mon, David Wolf 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:30-8:30pm; (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808-669-6400; Merrimanshawaii.com PACIFIC’O ON THE BEACH - Fri, The Armadillo 4:30-6:30pm; Sat, David King 4:30-6:30pm; (505 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-4341; Pacificomaui.com SANGRITA GRILL AND CANTINA - Thu, Live Flamenco Music by Indio and Avi 6:30-8:30pm; (2580 Keka‘a Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000; Sangritagrill.com THE DIRTY MONKEY - Thu, Evan Dove 3-6pm; Fri, Micah Manzano 3-6pm; (844 Front St., Lahaina); 808-419-6268; Thedirtymonkey.com

SOUTH MAUI GANNON’S - Thu-Sat, Wailea Live Music 5-7pm; (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080; Gannonsrestaurant.com GRAND WAILEA - Thu-Sat, Contemporary Hawaiian Music at Botero Lounge 5-10pm; (3850 Wailea Alanui); 808-875-1234; Grandwailea.com LUANA LOUNGE AT FAIRMONT KEA LANI Fri-Sat, Live Entertainment 7-10pm; (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; Fairmont.com/kealani-maui/dining/luana MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Thu, Island Time 1-3pm; Thu, Damian Awai 4-6pm; Sat, Damian Awai 4-6pm; Sun, Damian Awai 1-3pm; Sun, Ohana Groove 7-9pm; Tue, Stay Easy 4-6pm; Tue, Ohana Groove 7-9pm; (10 Wailea Gateway); 808-891-2322; Monkeypodkitchen.com/wailea

Sun, Live Music 5-7:30pm; (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-270-7068; Mauioceancenter.com/dine WAI BAR - Tue, Jason Arcilla 7-10pm; (45 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-214-9829; Waibarmaui.com

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE MAMBO MAUI - Tue, Brant Quick 4-8pm; (30 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-8021; Cafemambomaui.com CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:308:30pm; (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323; Cdamaui.com CASANOVA ITALIAN RESTAURANT - Sun, Soul Kitchen 3pm; (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808572-0220; Casanovamaui.com

OHANA SEAFOOD BAR AND GRILL - ThuWed, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-868-3247; Ohanaseafoodgrill.com

CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT AND SALOON - Thu, Mark Johnstone 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Tom Conway 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Justin Morris & Nick Sickles 6:30-8:30pm; (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com

PITA PARADISE - Sat, David Wolf 5:308pm; Sun, Phil and Angela Benoit 6:309pm; (34 Wailea Gateway); 808-879-7177; Pitaparadisehawaii.com

THE ENCHANTED FLORAL GARDEN OF KULA - Sat, Garden Live Music 2-6pm; Sun, Garden Live Music 2-6pm; (2505 Kula Hwy.); 808-727-2180; Enchantedfloralgardensofkula.com

SHEARWATER TAVERN - Thu, Nestor Ugale 5-7pm; Fri, Damien Awai 5-7pm; Fri, Joe Chee Jr. 10-10pm; Sat, Joe Chee Jr. 5-7pm; Sat, Marc Dumalata 10pm-12am; Sun, Vitamin D 5-7pm; Mon, Mondo Kane 5-7pm; Tue, Mondo Kane 5-7pm; (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-793-2324; Shearwatermaui.com SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; Southshoretikilounge.com THE RESTAURANT AT HOTEL WAILEA - Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; (555 Kaukahi Rd., Wailea); 808-879-2224; Hotelwailea.com/rhw WAILEA KITCHEN AND TAP - Fri, Hamilton and Sebastian 5:30-8:30pm; (131 Wailea Ike Pl.); 808-878-3663; Waileakitchentap.com WHAT ALES YOU - Thu, Jason Arcilla 7-9pm; Fri, Kevin Leonard 7-9pm; Sat, Erica Ambrin 7-9pm; Sun, Brian Santana 7am-9pm; Tue, Brian Santana or Marc Dumalante 6-8pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-214-6581; WhatAlesYouMaui.com

CENTRAL MAUI BEACH BUMS MA‘ALAEA - Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286; Beachbumshawaii.com SEASCAPE MA‘ALAEA RESTAURANT - Thu, Anthony Pfluke 6-8pm; Sat, Live Music 5-7:30pm;

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by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

This week I counsel Scorpios not to enter situations expecting them to suck and wearing all kinds of armor, because if they do, they’ll just get their asses kicked.

Don’t laugh. The way you’ve entered rooms lately, with your fists raised and ready for a brawl, is just as bad. Aggression is equally as off-putting as defensiveness. I give you the same advice I give them: Relax. Enter scary situations with fists unclenched and accept whatever happens, even if it hurts like the dickens. Really living your life, right now, means embracing pain–and the joy, love, and beauty that comes with, before, after, and between.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

You think having more options will make you happier? Boy, are you wrong. Actually, having only a few choices–and not being able to question them after you make them–would make you happier, despite what you think you want. Here’s two steps to happiness: 1. Limit your choices. Having none sucks, but three is better than thirty, or three hundred. 2. Don’t second guess them. Pretend they’re irrevocable. Just accept them, move on, and make the best of them.

(This how people with bad tattoos still enjoy their lives.) Try my strategy for two weeks. I wager you’ll not only be happier but, ironically, also more free.

QUIZ understood

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: C–2014 2: E–Kahului Carpet & Drapery 3: B–$1.1 million

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

How are your New Year’s resolutions going? If you’re succeeding beautifully, congratulations! Please ignore the rest of this horoscope. If, however, you’re off to a rocky start, continue reading. Let’s say you already fell off the wagon, or perhaps even under it. Never fear, because this week is actually the ideal time to put into effect any big changes for 2018. This week’s influences make all your best intentions far more likely to succeed than they were half a month ago. I didn’t mention it before, because why screw up your practice run? Now that you know what you did wrong the first time, you can try again–this time without the same mistakes.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Of all the signs, you Pisces are generally the luckiest in love. That’s not to say you feel lucky. You’re not even especially fortunate; love, after all, is hard, full of missteps, and rife with pain for even the most charmed would-be lovers. Even though you feel you’ve had it hard, you’re actually a lot better off than virtually everyone you know, when it comes to having someone around who loves you. If you look at things objectively, you’ll probably discover that many (perhaps even most) of your friends are much lonelier than you. Now that you’ve finally realized that, the only question is: what are you going to do about it?

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

I think you can believe in destiny and free will, and that the two are constantly battling each other for the lion’s share of your life. The wisest people know when to fight fate (which is definitely possible!), and when to let things play out as they will (something which can work out better, in surprising ways, than whatever you’d originally intended). It’s always tricky figuring out when to dig in your heels and hold your ground, and when to bend and sway like a willow in the wind. This week, however, there should be clear signs which is your best bet. Heed them, won’t you?

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Don’t deny your nature. Virgos do well with specific chunks of time that are specially allotted for specific activities, including relaxation. In fact, it suits you right down to the ground to work insanely one week in order to relax on the beach the next (although it must be said that your version of relaxation would exhaust any non-Virgo). Trying to mix things up is trying to impose someone else’s method or strategy upon your own. I don’t know why you’d even consider that, since you’re better at this than the rest of us. Trust yourself. Your way is best, even if other people don’t understand it.

VOTED BEST

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

You don’t cope with rejection especially well, Aries.

Although you’re getting better at rolling with it when someone gives you the boot (often before they’ve even had a chance to properly get to know you), it still takes longer to heal your psychic bruises than it should. This week, work on your spiritual healing factor. You need to become an emotional Wolverine, repairing damage to your psyche seconds after it occurs, because, as usual, you’re going to have to wade through a virtual war zone to get to the good stuff. If you arrive battered and still bleeding, you won’t be in a position to notice or appreciate the sweethearts who await–nor will they, particularly, appreciate you.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

I don’t run my life by astrology–but I do pay attention to it, and when convenient, I work it into my activities.

For instance, when starting new projects, I aim for the week immediately following a New Moon (the best time to begin things), and I avoid making major decisions or purchases when the Moon is void-of-course (between signs). However, I also recognize that even if something’s not begun at the ideal time, it can still succeed; it might simply require more effort. Your timing’s off. But don’t give up. You just need to put in that extra energy to make things run smoothly, until you’re back on track–which, incidentally, won’t be long now.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

The next time someone asks you if you want to hear the good news or bad news first, choose the good news and skip the bad news. You’re probably better off not knowing. Too much of the bad news you’ve been hearing lately is about stuff you can do absolutely nothing about. How depressing. You’re on the edge of information overload, and the only cure is a kind of diet: confine yourself to news that’s directly relevant to your life. Eschew the abstract, the distant, and anything you’re helpless to influence. You’ll not only breathe easier, but you’ll be happier, too. Ignorance isn’t bliss, I don’t think, but selective knowledge just might be.

Sometimes your quest for balance leads you to be two quite different things. For instance you might be extremely chaotic in one aspect of your life, so you become obsessively organized in another, to compensate.

Sometimes, however, you can’t be on both sides of a scale, and you just have to pick the spot on the spectrum that feels most “right” to you. That spot, at least in this case, is nowhere near the middle. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for some average real estate when where you actually belong is on the cutting edge.

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SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Every experienced Scorpio knows (or should) that when you’re braced for rejection, you’re more likely to experience it. There’s something about that defensive posture that just isn’t attractive, and is more likely to inspire mean-spirited, stingy emotional behavior in other people (who aren’t saints, after all). It’s difficult, perhaps nearly impossible, to go into a potentially threatening situation with open arms and heart, unencumbered by baggage and unshielded by armor–yet that is just what this week demands of you. I wouldn’t ask this of any other sign, but if anyone can handle that, Scorpio, it’s you. Prove me right.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

You can’t actually find everything you need on craigslist. Not because it’s not there (let’s face it, it probably is), but because you don’t even know to look for it. You don’t actually know what you need, or what will make you happy. It’s almost certainly something (or someone) you haven’t dared to imagine yet, so doing an online search for it is quite impossible. You don’t however, have to sit back and just wait for something to happen. While waiting, embrace the unfamiliar. Don’t expect your world to instantly be rocked (because that will only happen when you’re not braced for it). Consistently venture into the unknown, until you’re totally, totally at ease there. Once you are, you’ll find what you weren’t looking for but desperately needed.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

JANUARY 18, 2018 29

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