19.18 The Barfather LC Director Frank Silva Retires, October 15, 2015, Volume 19, Issue 18, MauiTime

October 15, 2015 ✚ Volume 19 ✚ Issue 18 ✚ FREE

LC DIRECTOR FRANK SILVA FRANK SILVA RETIRES AMIDST

CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS AGAINST HIS DEPARTMENT

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OCTOBER 15, 2015

Contents VOLUME 19 ✚ ISSUE 18

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:

COSTUMES

ON THE COVER:

Who should be the next Speaker of the House?

October 15, 2015 ✚ Volume 19 ✚ Issue 18 ✚ FREE

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Jon Stewart

The Barfather LC DIRECTOR FRANK SILVA FRANK SILVA RETIRES AMIDST

CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS AGAINST HIS DEPARTMENT PG.10 PG.10

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BIG SALE

Frank Silva retires amidst corruption allegations against his department.

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY DINING THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

QUIZ understood 2.

Three researchers at the University of Hawaii’s William S. Richardson School of Law recently compiled and edited a new book on Native Hawaiian law. According to an Oct. 6 news release from UH, how long is the book?

A. 600 pages B. 900 pages C. 1,100 pages D. 1,400 pages E. 1,700 pages

PHOTO COURTESY DONKEYHOTEY / DEVIANTART.COM

3. The County of Maui sold $60.155 1.

A prominent Hawaii Democrat recently called on the party to hold more than six debates with presidential candidates like Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and the rest, and for this was apparently “disinvited” from the Oct. 13 debate. Who is the Democrat who apparently got snubbed?

A. Sen. Mazie Hirono B. Sen. Brian Schatz C. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard D. Rep. Mark Takai E. Gov. David Ige

million in general obligation bonds for $68.4 million in proceeds, according to a news release county officials sent out on Oct. 8. This marked the third time that the county sold the bonds in a competitive sale. According to the news release, how many underwriters bid on the bonds?

A. 2 B. 5 C. 10 D. 13 E. 15

See answers, page 29

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OCTOBER 15, 2015

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by Anthony Pignataro

All Da Mayor's Men

PHOTO COURTESY LYNN ARAKI REGAN

We also listened to the secret 2013 recording of Mayor Alan Arakawa’s aides but we just thought it was pathetic

Keith Regan

O

h, to be a fly on the wall in Mayor Alan Arakawa’s 9th Floor county office today. You guys saw The Maui News’ huge front-page story yesterday on the dramatic Mar. 5, 2013 meeting at Starbucks in Kahului between then-Maui Film Commissioner Harry Donenfeld (who secretly recorded the meeting because he was worried about his job) and three key aides to Mayor Alan Arakawa: Managing Director Keith Regan, Chief of Staff Herman Andaya and Communications Director Rod Antone. It’s quite the tale of power and influence, concerning the Maui Film Studio (the island’s first locally financed and run film studio, which has since gone out of business) and big-time Hollywood producer Ryan Kavanaugh’s Relativity Media (which recently declared bankruptcy).

Apparently Donenfeld hasn’t been shy about playing the recording for the media, because I recently got to listen to it (I also have a written transcript of the meeting, which is a little over an hour long). I first heard of the recording’s existence back in October 2013, but it was only recently that I actually got to hear it.

Had The Maui News’ story come out in 2014, it might have actually played a role in the election. But it didn’t, because Donenfeld chose not to release the tape then (he told me that he didn’t want to hurt Arakawa’s reelection chances). Months ago, Donenfeld even posted snippets of the recording on his Facebook page, so I can’t believe anyone on the 9th Floor was truly shocked by its sudden ap-

pearance on the front page of The Maui News.

But here’s the thing: Arakawa’s a lame duck.

The tape shows a crass, cynically political administration that tries to strong-arm Donenfeld because he wouldn’t line up behind Kavanaugh, their Daddy Warbucks campaign contributor, but it doesn’t show anything that would lead to an indictment. The Maui News directed its story at Arakawa, which is odd because he’s not running for office again.

But Keith Regan, Arakawa’s managing director, is right now this second running for office–for the County Council seat currently being held by Mike Victorino (who’s termed out and can’t run again in 2016). Strangely, incredibly, the story–though more than 3,000 words long–makes zero mention of this fact.

And Keith Regan comes off badly in the

meeting–like a mix between H.R. Haldeman, Richard Nixon’s amoral hatchetman Chief of Staff (or for your kids who get your political knowledge from television, Doug Stamper in House of Cards) and Fred Rogers. At first you’re scared, but then you remember that he’s just Keith Regan.

In the meeting, Regan, Antone and Andaya sort of come off as mafia enforcers, but the fact that they’re just political appointees eliminates any potential fear factor. Sure, they brace Donenfeld for over an hour, trying to convince him to play ball their way, but while they certainly mouth the tough guy talk, they obviously lack the cold brutality of an actual wiseguy.

Their aims–which they make ridiculously explicit–are for Donenfeld to do what’s best for Alan Arakawa’s upcoming re-election, even if that means selling out the brand-new Maui Film Studio (which Big Money Kavanaugh sees as a threat to a pending tax credit bill in the Legislature):

REGAN: “Too bad you’re sick. You’re not feeling well. Maybe we can reschedule the interview… to next week.”

REGAN: “Ultimately, I think what Rod is saying is that our primary goal above all else is to get the mayor re-elected. Nothing else really matters because if the mayor is not re-elected none of us have jobs. Let’s be very frank. We’re all political. We’re very connected to the mayor. If he loses, we lose, our families lose, those who depend on us lose. I think you need to understand where we’re all coming from.”

Regan’s casual reference to Tavares as “Grandma” is touching, isn’t it? And note his use of the term “the right stuff”–he’s talking about what’s needed to ensure reelection, not necessarily what’s best for the county as a whole.

But Regan could be humble on the recording–oh, so humble you’ll want to throw up:

Remember that Regan’s not an actual mafiosi, of course, but he could still get Donenfeld booted from the administration (which, it turns out, happened six or seven months after the meeting). Then, near the end of the meeting (and I can’t believe The Maui News didn’t include this part in their story), Regan, Andaya and Antone suddenly have to deal with Donenfeld’s revelation that he has multiple TV interviews scheduled to talk about the dreaded Maui Film Studio. But Keith Regan–who now wants a seat on the Maui County Council– straight up tells Donenfeld to get out of one interview by just pretending to be sick:

County spokesperson Rod Antone–whose job is to be the voice of the Arakawa Administration, agreed. “There’s always that,” he said.

As Regan had already lectured Donenfeld earlier in the meeting, stuff like this is necessary because you just have to win: REGAN: “Herman and I have been through this. We’ve been through working for the mayor, working hard for the mayor, doing everything we thought was right to get the mayor re-elected. Lo and behold, we get slapped in the face and get beaten by Grandma [Charmaine Tavares]. All the while, we thought we were doing the right stuff which obviously we weren’t. We’re not going to make that mistake a second time… Everything that we’ve been doing up and to this point has been about getting him reelected.”

REGAN: “I’ve had the mayor tell me, straight to my face, ‘It’s not about you. It’s about me.’ He’s told me that in private. I respect that because he’s right.”

Woman: “Now if you’d like to try on this dress, you can.”

Man: “It’s lovely, but really not my style.”

In the world of Richard Nixon (and even Frank Underwood), this kind of talk of being a selfless cog in a political machine can be high drama. But in Small Town Maui, it’s just pathetic–for both Arakawa and Regan. If we’re talking opening diplomatic relations to China, or stopping a Middle East war, sure, by all means–let The Guy In Charge take the credit. But big political success out here translates into getting a sewage plant built or a park dedicated. Regan is bending down on one knee and kissing Arakawa’s ring for that?

In a word, yes. That’s the price people pay for access to power in big government and small. And I know, we shouldn’t be surprised that people who make their living in politics talk this way when they think no one in the real world is listening. But here’s the new reality created by this recording: no matter what else Keith Regan says or promises–either as Arakawa’s managing director or in his quest to represent Wailuku, Waihee and Waiehu on the County Council–everyone now has every right to wonder for the next 13 months whether he’s doing so because it’s the best for the county, or for his own personal ambitions. ■

The fitting rooms at Old Navy in Kahului, Oct. 8

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

Overheard

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OCTOBER 15, 2015

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News & Views

by Suzanne Kayian & Anthony Pignataro

MauiSphere You can find all the details and rules for participating at Mauihuliaufoundation.org/sporkitup.

-Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY MAUI HULIAU FOUNDATION

TULSI TRASHES TPP

Spork me!

MAUI HULIAU FOUNDATION STUDENTS WANT YOU TO #SPORKITUP

-Anthony Pignataro ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

PHOTO COURTESY REP. GABBARD'S OFFICE

A group of Maui students have come together to bring awareness to the wasteful and environmentally damaging use of plastic food utensils. Students enrolled in Maui Huliau Foundation’s environmental filmmaking program recently created and launched the #Sporkitup Instagram Challenge, which is designed to encourage young people to reduce their use of single-use plastic by using reusable bamboo sporks.

The #Sporkitup project originated from the reusable sporks that students use to avoid single-use plastic during student trips. Since thousands of plastic utensils are thrown away every day at almost every school on Maui, these Huliau students decided to use a film and Instagram campaign to empower their fellow students to stop using plastic utensils.

The #Sporkitup Instagram Challenge, launched in high schools island wide, asks students to create teams that will compete to see who can get more of their classmates to put down the plastic and use bamboo sporks for five consecutive days. Participants are asked to post daily on Instagram during the #Sporkitup Challenge Week, which will run Oct. 12-16.

To enter the challenge, each threestudent team had to post a 15-second entry video on Instagram before Oct. 12. Once approved for the challenge, students picked up their sporks and recruited as many students for the challenge week as possible. Whichever team gets the most students to successfully complete the challenge wins a Hydro Flask from Hawaiian Island Surf &

Sport and other prizes.

“I am really looking forward to this project launching,” said Kaimana Idica, a #Sporkitup Project leader and junior at Kamehameha. “It will give youth a fun way to spread the word about the growing problem of plastic pollution in our oceans that really cannot be overlooked anymore. Through this campaign we can reduce our personal impact on this problem and ultimately start a movement that we hope will spread throughout Maui.”

While the project was created by and for Maui youth, there has also been an overwhelming response from adults eager to reduce their use of single-use plastic after seeing a short film and presentation by students. The funds from the sporks sold to adults are used to support the youth portion of the project.

For adults wanting to get a spork in October, Maui Huliau students will have #Sporkitup education booths at two events in Lahaina the weekend of Oct. 16-18. Lahaina Plantation Days will be including sporks in their entrance price for guests to use during and after the event, thereby avoiding the disposal of thousands of plastic utensils. The event will take place at the Pioneer Mill smokestack on Oct. 16 and 17 from 5pm to 10:30pm.

Students will also be offering sporks for a suggested donation following the Aloha ‘Aina Unity March on Front Street on Sunday, Oct. 18.

Supporters of the #Sporkitup project include Kokua Hawaii Foundation which provided funding for the sporks. Hawaiian Island Surf & Sport is providing prizes and serving as the #sporkitup pick-up point and Hawaiian Paddle Sports helped with the students’ new promotional film.

So it turned out that the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) talks didn’t end at the Westin Maui Resort in Ka‘anapali back in July. Oh well. In any case, the negotiations over the controversial free trade agreement finally concluded on Oct. 5 (according to a U.S. State Department message from Secretary of State John Kerry sent out that day), which means we the general public who will have to live with the TPP will finally get a chance to read its terms and conditions in all their glory.

Until such time as we get to find out exactly what’s in the deal, Hawaii Representative Tulsi Gabbard, D–Hawaii, posted three video clips on YouTube explaining her extreme caution and distrust of the deal (labor and environmental activists tend to oppose free trade pacts because they tend to put the interests of polluting, anti-union corporations above all others).

“I will examine the details of this deal carefully once it’s delivered to Congress, but from what I have seen so far, the TPP agreement will benefit Wall Street banks and multinational corporations on the backs of hardworking Americans, and it will increase existing threats to our environment,” Gabbard says in the clips. “As Congress goes through its 90-day review period, my top priority will be to bring voice to the working men and women who

are deeply worried about how this will affect their jobs, and the small business owners and local manufacturers in Hawai‘i and across the country who fear being forced out of business.”

By the way, the Hawaii Army National Guard promoted Gabbard to the rank of major on Oct. 12. At a ceremony at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific (Punchbowl) on Oahu, former U.S. Senator Daniel Akaka helped her recite her oath of office, according to a news release sent out by her office. She also made a few remarks: “Standing here today amongst veterans at the Punchbowl National Memorial Cemetery, I’m again reminded of what aloha truly means,” Gabbard said. “Ultimately, aloha means respect, love, and caring. Some people think love and caring means weakness, but I assure you that the exact opposite is true. The truth is, nothing is as strong as love. It was their love for liberty and freedom that gave our country’s founders the courage and strength to fight for independence. “It is that love for country that motivates our men and women in uniform to be ready and willing to put their lives on the line for the freedom and liberty that is the foundation upon which America stands. Punchbowl is sacred. It exudes the aloha of those who have given their lives for America. I am humbled, honored, and inspired to be here with them–and with all of you.”

Major Gabbard getting her new rank insignia

OCTOBER 15, 2015

7

It’s Cane Burning Season!

News Of The Weird

Remember to use the

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PRIORITIES

MEN ARE WEIRD

A New York University Center for Justice study released in September warned that, unless major upgrades are made quickly, 43 states will conduct 2016 elections on electronic voting machines at least 10 years old and woefully suspect. Those states use machines no longer made or poorly supported, and those in 14 states are more than 15 years old. There are apprehensions over antiquated security (risking miscounts, potential for hacking), but also fear of election-day breakdowns causing long lines at the polls, depressing turnout and dampening confidence in the overall fairness of the process. The NYU center estimated the costs of upgrading at greater than $1 billion.

“Odette Delacroix,” 25, of North Hollywood, California, is a petite (86 pounds) model who runs an adult fetish website in which people (i.e., men) pay to watch her tumble around, bikini-clad, with “plussize” models, up to five at a time, squashing and nearly suffocating her in “pigpiles.”

“Odette” told London’s edition of Cosmopolitan that her PetiteVsPlump website has so far earned her about $100,000.

WAIT WHAT? In a “manifesto” to celebrate “personal choice and expression” in the standard of beauty “in a society that already places too many harmful standards on women,” according to a July New York Times report, some now are dyeing their armpit hair. At the Free Your Pits website, and events like “pit-ins” in Seattle and Pensacola, Florida, envelope-pushing women offer justifications ranging from political resistance to, according to one, “want[ing] to freak out [her] in-laws.” Preferred colors are turquoise, hot pink, purple and neon yellow.

OCTOBER 15, 2015

THE JOB OF THE RESEARCHER Scientists at North Carolina State and Wake Forest universities have developed a machine that vomits, realistically, enabling the study of “aerosolization” of dangerous norovirus.

“Vomiting Larry” can replicate the process of retching, including the pressure at which particles are expelled (which, along with volume and “other vomit metrics,” can teach the extent of the virus’ threat in large populations). The researchers must use a harmless stand-in “bacteriophage” for the studies -because norovirus is highly infectious even in the laboratory.

RELENTLESS WANNABES

Actress Melissa Gilbert (a star of TV’s “Little House on the Prairie”), 51, announced in August that she would run for Congress from Michigan’s 8th Congressional District–even though she is currently on the hook to the IRS and California for back taxes totaling $470,000. Gilbert, a former president of the Screen Actors Guild and member of the AFL-CIO Executive Council, promised that she (and her actor-husband) would pay off her tax bill– by the year 2024.

Authorities in Winter Haven, Florida, arrested James Garfield, 28, with the typical faux-police set-up–Ford Crown Victoria with police lights, uniform with gold-star badge, video camera, Taser and business cards printed with “law enforcement.” (Explained Garfield lamely, the “law enforcement” was just a “printing mistake.”) And in nearby Frostproof, Florida, Thomas Hook, 48, was also arrested in September, his 14th law-enforcement-impersonator arrest since 1992. His paraphernalia included the Crown Vic with a prisoner cage, scanner, spotlight, “private investigator” and “fugitive recovery” badges and an equally bogus card identifying him as a retired Marine Corps major. Hook’s one other connection to law enforcement: He is a registered sex offender.

MEN ARE SIMPLE

BUDDHISTS GONE WILD

Five years after News of the Weird mentioned it, Japan’s Love Plus virtualgirlfriend app is more popular than ever, serving a growing segment of the country’s lonely males–those beyond peak marital years and resigned to artificial “relationships.” Love Plus models (Rinko, Manaka and Nene) are chosen mostly (and surprisingly) not for physical attributes, but for flirting and companionship. One user described his “girlfriend” (in a September Time magazine dispatch) as “someone to say good morning to in the morning and... goodnight to at night.” Said a Swedish observer, “You wouldn’t see (this phenomenon) in Europe or America.” One problem: Men can get stuck in a “love loop” waiting for the next app update– with, they hope, more “features.”

Police in Scotland’s Highlands were called in September when a Buddhist retreat participant, Raymond Storrie, became riled up that another, Robert Jenner, had boiling water for his tea, but not Storrie’s.

After Storrie vengefully snatched Jenner’s own hot water, Jenner punched him twice in the head, leading Storrie to threaten to kill Jenner (but also asking, plaintively, “Is this how you practice dharma?”).

LITTLE HOUSE OF REP. ON THE PRAIRIE

8

by Chuck Shepard

News & Views

OOPS! An official of the Missouri Republican Party apologized in September for the “thoughtless” act of using an original Thomas Hart Benton mural in the state Capitol as a writing surface.

Valinda Freed and a man were exchanging business cards, and Freed, needing to jot down information on the card, placed it directly on the mural to backstop her writing. ■

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E

h Taxi boy driving out of the Barmuda Triangle in Kihei: I was engaged in a conversation on the sidewalk with a gentleman I’ve known for years. As we talked, we made sure that you had enough room. We even gave you two lanes to negotiate. But apparently that wasn’t enough for you and your unseen royalty, so you decided to insinuate yourself into our talk with your bumper, practically knocking us down! And what was it you said to me? Oh, yes: “I’m a local!” Be careful son, or you could be having that taxi protruding from your body! Have a pleasant day! ■

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LC DIRECTOR DIRECTOR FRANKSILVA SILVA FRANK RETIRESAMIDST AMIDST RETIRES

CORRUPTIONALLEGATIONS ALLEGATIONS CORRUPTION AGAINSTHIS HISDEPARTMENT DEPARTMENT AGAINST

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

F

ranklyn Silva is retiring as director of the Maui County Department of Liquor Control. I don’t believe I’ve written 14 more important words in my decade or so I’ve spent reporting on Maui.

Even just contemplating Silva’s retirement is overwhelming. As I write this I sit surrounded by years of yellowed clips from Mauitime’s early coverage of the LC. The years 2004-08 were especially exhaustive–those were the years I attended virtually every monthly Liquor Commission and Adjudication Board hearing.

Frank Silva is the Department of Liquor Control. That’s been true for the last 22 years. Silva was in charge, in every sense of the description. Where do you even start when trying to assess his legacy?

The near monarchy of sons he set up? The harsh prosecutions of bars and restaurants?

The ludicrous regulations–many that have

10 OCTOBER 15, 2015

nothing to do with alcohol–that Silva’s “investigators” enforced? The fact that pitchers of beer are illegal in Maui County? How about the allegations of corruption from a former LC officer that are –gasp!–quite possibly headed to a jury trial?

Allegations like the Liquor Control department accepting free donuts and sushi from various establishments that they regulate–“gifts of aloha,” according to the depositions of former LC officers in the current lawsuit brought by former LC Officer Justin Dobbs, who alleges wrongful termination. Reading through the case depositions is a nauseating experience, full of back-biting and dysfunctional office politics (one former LC Officer testified that another former female LC Officer had accused at least five of her male colleagues of sexual harassment). Here, read this snippet from former LC Officer J.D. Lloy’s deposition–made under oath–and decide

whether it makes you comfortable about how the department’s been run: ATTORNEY VENETIA CARPENTERASUI: “Okay. Do you see on the second paragraph you said that both Trainee Dobbs and [Cullen] Kawano got a score of 100 percent on both tests?”

J.D. LLOY: “Yes.” CARPENTER-ASUI: “What tests were those?”

LLOY: “Tests I made up that were so easy a tenth grader could have passed them.”

Dobbs’ suit also alleges that at least one LC officer looked the other way when confronted with girls who may have been underage when they visited hostess bars.

[O]n or about December 2010 Plaintiff and Defendant MATSUURA entered the front door, and Plaintiff saw what looked like under age females run to a room in the front of the establishment and close the door,” states

Dobbs’ complaint. “Plaintiff began walking to the room, and was stopped by Defendant MATSUURA who told Plaintiff ‘we do not regulated [sic] the back rooms because there is no liquor served there’, but these were under age females (younger than 21 years of age) in a liquor premises, which was a violation of law, but Defendant MATSUURA still prohibited Plaintiff from investigating or entering the room.” In his deposition, Matsuura disputed that the females were underage, testifying that he has in the past checked IDs for young-looking women at hostess bars.

But Matsuura did admit in his deposition that another LC officer had quit the department after being found drinking alcohol on duty.

And so on.

Put simply, it’s a great time for Silva to pack it in (LC Officers Harry Matsuura and J.D. Lloy, named prominently in Dobbs’ lawsuit, both retired from the office shortly after Dobbs filed his suit in 2012). For a shrewd

bureaucrat like Silva–who spent his younger years in U.S. Army aviation and later ran the old Ka‘anapali Airport for two years–it’s the smart move (Silva himself gave his deposition in the case less than a month before he announced his retirement). And in the decade or so that I’ve covered Silva and the LC, I never saw him do anything that wasn’t smart (for him and the LC, that is).

After all, checking out when the heat was on was exactly what his predecessor Joe Souza did when the allegations of corruption against him got too thick. In fact, back in 1993, when Souza bailed and Silva took over, the FBI was even poking around.

But nothing ultimately happened to Souza (though four former LC officers suing the county for wrongful termination did get a sizeable settlement; one of the officers, Charles Bunch, later opened an adult video store in Wailuku). So there’s at least a fair chance that Silva might escape into retirement with his skin intact.

But to understand Silva’s legacy and importance–and that of the department he’s run for the last two decades–it’s first necessary to understand a few things.

First–and this goes a long way to explain his longevity–Silva serves not at the behest of the Mayor (like, say, the Department of Transportation or the Prosecuting Attorney’s office) but the nine-member Liquor Commission. Each member serves a five-year term, and a mayor will typically appoint two new ones each year (who are subject to County Council approval). These commissioners–the vast majority of whom have little or no experience in the liquor industry–then approve new liquor licenses,

license violations. It gives the actions of the department–and its Taser-wielding investigators–a mercenary air.

“My main focus was on minors and over-service,” Silva said in the generally supportive Oct. 8 Maui News story on his retirement. “I could forgive about everything else, but those.”

Maybe Silva could personally forgive, but never found the time to call off the rest of his department, which does indeed prosecute chicken shit “violations” like printing the familiar version of an employee’s name on a timesheet. Like Lahaina Cafe, busted all of three years ago (April 2012) for failing “to have available on its licensed premises a timesheet showing in English the legal first name and surname of all employees, and time record entries when the employee reports on duty and again when the employee goes off duty.”

To the LC, that’s a crime, and they fined Lahaina Cafe for it.

You know what else the LC considers a crime? Speaking obscenities on stage, having loud music and–this one’s for you News of the Weird fans–displaying “artificial pubic hair.” Yeah, yeah, none of these things have anything to do with booze, but they’re in the rules so the LC enforces them.

In 2013, for instance, the LC sent a notice of violation to Haui’s Life’s A Beach in Kihei saying it had permitted “obscene language, songs, or entertainment”–a violation that could earn the bar a $500 (or more) fine. But after I reported about the “violation,” the whole thing mysteriously disappeared from the LC Adjudication Board’s agenda.

The lurid story made national headlines. LC investigators eventually discovered dozens of instances in which Hyatt personnel had sold or otherwise provided Crossen with alcohol.

The LC’s docket against the Hyatt included an astonishing 25 counts. At its Adjudication Board “trial”–attended by local and state media–Hyatt management pleaded no contest and accepted $50,000 in fines. But by stacking all the counts into just one case–which came about because an 18-year-old woman died–the whole matter amounted to just one “strike” (three strikes, and the LC would take away an establishment’s license).

Making matters worse, the very next case on the Adjudication Board agenda involved Kahale’s in Kihei, which was accused of selling alcohol to a minor (because it was an LC sting operation, the minor never actually drank any booze). With zero sense of irony, Prosecuting Attorney Angela Hedge called Kahale’s “a risk to the community.” The Board then suspended Kahale’s license for 10 days (the conviction was their second strike).

“It’s known throughout the state that our rules are more stringent,” then-Adjudication Board Chairperson Shigeto “Mustard” Murayama said in 2004. And the LC certainly proved him right: In the last decade, the LC has shut down Dick’s Place in Kihei, Idini’s in Wailuku and Paradice Bluz in Lahaina, all for over-serving alcohol and/or providing alcohol to minors.

Then there’s the whole thing about dancing–one of the most controversial regulations from the LC. Department rules prohibit dancing in an establishment except within a specially designated dancing zone.

“This actually happened,” he told the Kiwanis Club members as they silently ate their salads and barbecued chicken.

Apparently, many years ago Silva’s investigators got word that there was a soda machine dispensing beer for a mere 75 cents in Lahaina. Intrigued, Silva sent his investigators to the Westside, and they soon found the machine, which in fact was dispensing beer. So Silva rented a truck, then drove out to the machine and seized it. Later he had the cops arrest the owner for selling liquor to minors.

“The guy goes to court and the judge fines him $50,” Silva said. “And then he ordered us to return the machine. I had to go rent another truck...”

Maybe you had to be there.

In most other places, Silva’s retirement would mark the end of an era– perhaps even spur a general housecleaning or even a few reforms. But not Maui County. On Oct. 7, the Liquor Commission chose one of their own–Dana Souza, an investigator with the Public Defender’s office–to succeed Silva. That’s right: they chose former director Joe Souza’s son to be the new director.

“Everybody felt he was the right person,” Liquor Commission Chairperson Robert Tanaka said in the Oct. 8 Maui News, as though the Commission had just completed an exhaustive process of interviewing potential candidates. I suppose we should be jumping for joy that the commission didn’t opt for one of Silva’s sons–Layne and Gene–who work as relatively high-ranking LC officers in the department’s Lahaina office.

EVEN WHEN THE LC DID THE RIGHT THING, IT COULD DO SO IN A WAY THAT JUST SEEMED UNJUST. THE BEST EXAMPLE OF THIS WAS THEIR ACTIONS SURROUNDING THE DEATH OF 18-YEAR-OLD LAUREN CROSSEN AT THE HYATT REGENCY IN KA‘ANAPALI IN 2004. authorize new regulations and review the director’s performance each year.

It’s also necessary to understand just how different the LC is from other departments. It’s budget is around $3 million a year, but it doesn’t draw from the general fund. Instead, the LC has two main internal revenue streams. The first is liquor license fees (both new and renewal). That comes out to about 57 cents for every $100 in gross liquor sales per year, according to LC Administrator Georgette Tyau’s testimony during the April 9, 2015 County Council Budget & Finance Committee hearing. The second revenue stream is fines levied on licensees found to have violated the department’s myriad regulations.

Put simply, the LC has a vested interest in both granting as many liquor licenses as possible (there are more than 400 now county-wide) and then hammering those same licensees with

Monitoring noise in liquor licensees is another big job for the department that has nothing to do with alcohol. In their depositions in the Dobbs lawsuit, both Lloy and Matsuura described myriad training and procedures every LC officer has to go through to get certified by state inspectors on monitoring decibel levels. Over the last decade, the LC has used its noise enforcement to the greatest effect in Kihei Kalama Village (the “Barmuda Triangle”)–a place I heard Silva describe in rather un-PC terms as “Indian country.”

Even when the LC did the right thing, it could do so in a way that just seemed unjust.

The best example of this was their actions surrounding the death of 18-year-old Lauren Crossen at the Hyatt Regency in Ka‘anapali in 2004. A cheerleader in town for the Hula Bowl, Crossen had apparently fallen from a ninth floor balcony one night–her nude body was found the next morning.

“In my memory, we’ve never fined anyone or taken their license away for dancing,” LC Deputy Director Traci Fujita Villarosa said in an Oct. 7 Honolulu Civil Beat story. “It seems to be kind of like an urban legend.”

Villarosa’s quote doesn’t do her department justice. The problem with the regulation isn’t that the LC has busted places for it–it’s that it exists at all. It’s yet another potential hammer for the LC to bring down on an establishment’s fingers. Rather than risk even more trouble, establishments simply task their bouncers to do the LC’s dirty work for them.

Of course, Silva wouldn’t be such a successful bureaucrat if he wasn’t charming.

Indeed, his white hair and quiet demeanor gave him almost a grandfatherly appearance. Back in October 2006, I watched him speak at a Kiwanis Club lunch at old Cary & Eddie’s in Kahului.

To expect change at the LC in the wake of Silva’s retirement is like thinking the sun will rise in the west tomorrow. The Liquor Commission chose Dana Souza to take over because 1) They can and 2) No one in authority really cares. The LC basically runs itself autonomously within the County of Maui, creating and destroying bars and restaurants, beholden only to its own freesushi-eating, noise-monitoring, timesheetscrutinizing conscience.

So here’s to you, Frank Silva: Thanks for the memories, though none of them were good. And to you, Dana Souza: here’s hoping you can follow both your old man and your predecessor by serving a few decades and escaping into retirement before the allegations of misconduct get too hot. ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

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Java Time

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CHECKING OUT THE MILL HOUSE ROASTING COMPANY & CAFE

Gene and Raechelle at the Cafe

Mill House Roasting Co. 1670 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu 808-244-7643 Open Mon-Fri, 8am-4pm; Sat-Sun, 8am-3pm

T

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

Pick a Roast

First, they wet the filter to remove any paper taste. Then they moisten all the grounds equally inside the filter with the first pour of hot water. After those two steps, when you start actually pouring the water in the filter it extracts the most flavor from the ground coffee because all of the grounds are wet. All the grounds should be exposed to the water at that point, releasing the coffee aroma and oils.

Pike knows what he’s doing because he has a history with java, formerly working for Hawaii Coffee Company and Coffees of Hawaii.

“Maria Holmes and I worked together eight years ago on Molokai,” he says.

“I was helping her put together a res-

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

here’s a lot going on at the Maui Tropical Plantation in Waikapu. Owner Mike Atherton has big plans, and he’s working on creating a town center and residential area around the plantation over the next decade. As that unfolds, Maui Tropical Plantation is finding its niche, building out a new area to expand the Mill House restaurant, adding a wedding planner office and opening up the Mill House Roasting Company & Café.

Walking to the cafe, I see little outposts in huts that line a walkway to the left of the plantation gift shop. I pass a

sign that says “explore trees and plants in area H!” It lists the varieties you can spot like sago palm, jaboticaba, cup and saucer and dracena fragrans. The pathway is lush. At the top of the walkway, there’s a big fountain made with huge rusty gears, reminiscent of past industrial machinery. Behind that, ducks swim in a giant pond while a family is picnicking along the edge.

I get past the mini botanical garden, just beyond the zipline check-in booth and jewelry store, and find the coffee roasting facility and cafe. Soon, manager Gene Pike is telling me about the coffees they roast there.

“Our Maui blend we do with Brazilian and Nicaraguan,” he says. “Then we have a 100 percent Maui coffee in medium and dark roast, and then we have the Maui Mokka which came from Yemen originally and is now grown here

on Maui in Ka‘anapali. We source our coffee from Ka‘anapali Estates farm–we get green coffee beans and roast it here.

Fresh pastries come from our bakery every morning.”

It’s not a coincidence they use Nicaraguan coffee in their blend. Atherton also owns Jesus Mountain Coffee Co. in Nicaragua. He was also involved in Coffees of Hawaii on Molokai.

The cafe also includes a display on the variety of beans grown on Maui: the Mokka, red catuai, yellow caturra, and typica. They also offer a nice carafe of cold water freshened with strawberries on the other side of the counter space, and a case with fresh baked pastries.

Pour-overs are $3.50-4, as well as espresso, granitas, teas and Pellegrino.

“We opened the roastery about a month ago,” says Pike. “We haven’t had a grand opening or anything. But the tour buses stop by and we are just getting started.”

The focus at the Mill House Coffee Roaster is to be an artisanal coffee stop, where they roast in small increments. You can buy bags of their 100 percent Maui-grown coffee; they’re hand-stamped at the shop and have a vintage looking design.

The bags run $13-15 for a half-pound, and $2529 for a full pound. Maui Blend is 10 percent Maui ground and sells for $8 for a half-pound and $15 for a pound.

Atherton also has the “largest coffee grinder collection in the Pacific Rim.” Some of his collection, like the German French Mill, is on display in the shop. They cover the walls in the cafe, with different ceramic designs.

Drop your beans in the ceramic belly, turn the crank and your coffee comes out in a drawer below. Pike says they’re also for sale.

“Starting in November, the roastery will be doing private small batches for Bad Ass Coffee Company and Lava Java,” says Pike. “We will be roasting here where a small batch is easy. We can do 25 pounds at a time and really personalize it. We can really control the quality of the roast with our machine here.”

The shop does pour over coffees and you can choose what coffee roast you would like. They grind it on the spot, and make you a fresh cup. Pike says the best flavor comes out in the pour-over.

Pour Over Coffee

taurant at Coffees of Hawaii in Molokai.

But the restaurant was not able to get a liquor license, so they decided not to open. Then I ended up working for the hotel on Molokai as a kitchen manager.

Now we get to work together again here on Maui.”

Chef Jeff Scheer hosts his Chef’s Tables on Friday and Saturday next door to the cafe. The dinner includes eight courses and runs 6-10pm. You can ask questions and watch the preparations. Chef Scheer also introduces each of the dishes.

“There is a lot happening here,” says Pike.

“It’s catching on.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit: mauitime.com/food-drink

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The Art of Good Italian Food

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MAUI PASTA COMPANY BRINGS NEW ARTISANAL WONDERS TO WAIKAPU

Executive Chef Patricia Inman

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A

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

Eggplant Parmesan

own ricotta in the lasagne and all their pasta. Everything is handmade except for the mozzerella, she says she would make that too but wouldn’t be able to keep up. Basil for the sauces and pesto come from Kumu Farms across the street. Some of their most popular dishes are the spaghetti and meatballs, ravioli, and the specials.

“It’s really important to me to use local ingredients,” says Inman. “I do whenever I can. Kumu Farms is right across the street growing oregano and eggplant. I couldn’t get it any fresher. They call me and say we just picked it! I pick it up and it’s in the kitchen and in a dish right away.

That’s how it works. To me, if we could eat food that comes right from Maui utilizing the farms, we can keep the money here in the local economy.”

Their menu is full of pasta entrees like Fettuccini Alfredo, eggplant parm and baked ziti, but they also do hot sandwiches like meatball subs and Philly

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

rtisanal pasta is the heart of Chef Patricia Inman’s retail and takeout operation at Maui Pasta Company in Waikapu. Her path to opening her pasta business and cooking was an unusual one.

“My background is in art and architecture,” says Inman. “I was getting my undergraduate degree in architecture and I spent a year in Italy in Rome. I just fell in love.

Our farmer’s markets here are still catching up to their farmers markets 20 years ago.

That is just how they live. I loved Italy so much, I went back to get my masters degree in architecture in Florence. I decided to also take some culinary classes just because I loved it. Here on Maui, I’m teaching at the college–art history and drafting.”

Yes, she’s a professor of architecture on the side. I met her in her kitchen to get the full story. Inman was wearing a chef’s coat as we chatted in the kitchen next to her pasta machine. She says her venture started simply to raise money for her daughter’s Spanish Club school trip.

“I set up a stand in front of my house, we had a baby monitor out there, with a cow bell,” says Inman. “People would ring the bell and I would run out with my cooler of pasta in these little bags. It was going pretty well so I decided to expand to farmers markets. I went into Pukalani Superette, then Foodland. Our dream was always to have our own retail operation and commercial kitchen.”

She found the Waikapu location and had it for 10 months before the county would give her the permits to run her takeout and retail operation. She opened her doors in May. It's right on the highway near the bridge at Waikapu. Maui Pasta Company is very grassroots, grow-

ing using a lot of their own elbow grease.

At first they were just a takeout window, but then about two months ago she got the display cases and materials from the Re-Store to build out her retail spot.

There’s a chilled case that holds grab-andgo items, like prepared marinara and fettuccini sauces, and a variety of fresh artisanal pastas, a few already prepared dishes and artichoke and spinach dips. On the counter, a variety of lavosh, crostini and breadsticks for dipping. They also make many desserts and baked goods like chocolate chip cookies, biscotti, tiramisu, cannoli, cheesecake and panna cotta with fruit.

“This was my original vision to have a place where people can come and see all this manufacturing going on while they buy their pasta, bread or dessert,” says Inman. “People can see that everything is fresh and made right here. We couldn’t have a sitdown restaurant here because there’s not enough parking, and that is a

Grab and Go Pizzelle

whole new permitting process.”

Her process is organic. She says if it’s not made with love, it’s not Italian food. She’s on her third pasta machine, and is very proud about that, but hopes one day she’ll have an even larger one. Her specials will vary day to day depending on the season, her herbs and vegetables and what dishes catch her fancy. The day I went it was fried bread with marinara and cheese, something she says she used to see and eat at carnivals on the east coast. Recently it was gnocchi.

“I love what I do,” says Inman. “I love coming up with new dishes and being creative and using that artistic side for my food. This is my creative outlet. I made bread knots the other day and put them on the counter and people were just loving them. I get so excited when my specials sell out.”

Inman and her team make their own mascarpone cheese in the tiramisu, their

cheesesteak, pizza, family-size meals for four, sides of garlic bread and meatballs.

They also make breads, salads like caprese, breaded zucchini, roasted beets and Parmesan Brussels sprouts.

“When we first opened, we didn’t have the Fettuccini Alfredo with chicken, but everyone wanted that,” says Inman.

“I had to add some of the classic ItalianAmerican dishes. Then I also added desserts, and who knew? People really want dessert. I sell a lot of that caramel crusted cheesecake. My pesto sauce is made with macadamia nuts I get right down the road. It’s really popular.”

Their retail store opens at 7am, and you can get baked goods and breads, grab-and-go lunch and coffee. They are open until 7pm. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit: mauitime.com/food-drink

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FRIDAY, OCT. 16 POSTMODERN JUKEBOX – Get ready for Postmodern Jukebox at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center. Founded by Scott Bradlee, Postmodern Jukebox is a rotating group of musicians who cover recent pop songs with jazz and swing variations. From Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” to Guns N Roses’ “Sweet Child ‘O Mine,” the Youtube sensations should amaze and entertain you. 7:30pm. $45$65+. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Castle Theatre (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org. Photo: Emily Butler

SCREAM FOR THE ‘90S NIGHT – Scream your fa-vorite ‘90s tunes with DJ Blast and BrendanMS at Charley’s in Paia. Get a head start on Halloween and dress to impress as your favorite ‘90s celebrity or char9. $10. acter! Don’t be afraid to break it down like it’s 1999. y., Paia), 21+. 10pm. Charley’s Saloon (142 Hana Hwy., Charleysmaui.com. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

FRIDAY, OCT. 16 KOKUA FOR KIDS – Kokua for Kids during the Boys & Girls Clubs of Maui’s benefit gala at the Grand Wailea. This year’s theme–Little Chef Big Chef–pairs youth with the island’s best chefs in a friendly appetizer competition. Guests will then vote for the best in show. The lineup of chefs includes Isaac Bancaco, James Domingo, Mike Lofaro, Sheldon Simeon and Grant Oura. The night includes a live performance by Tia Carrere, auctions and dinner from Chef Ryan Urig. 5:30-9:30pm. Grand Wailea (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.), Bgcmaui.org. Photo: Boys & Girls Clubs of Maui Pakukalo

FRIDAY, OCT. 16

JOB FAIR FOR PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES – Ka Lima O Maui hosts its annual Job Fair for Persons with Disabilities at the Wailuku Community Center.

In honor of National Disability Employment Awareness Month (NDEAM), the event will highlight the opportunities and resources available to persons of all abilities. HC&S, Maui Economic Opportunity, Maui Electric, Old Navy, Starbucks, Target and TSA are just a few employers expected to attend. Free. 9am12pm. Wailuku Community Center (395 Waena St., Wailuku); 808-244-5502, Kalimaomaui.org.

Photo courtesy Ka Lima O Maui’s Facebook page

SATURDAY, OCT. 17

LAHAINA PLANTATION DAYS – Bid farewell to the Lahaina Restoration Foundation’s Lahaina Plantation Days with one last paina this Friday and Saturday, Oct 16 and 17 at the Old Pioneer Mill. A two-day festival celebrates Lahaina’s roots in plantation culture and the event will feature more than 15 food vendors, a keiki zone, wine and beer garden, art gallery and farmers market. Enjoy live entertainment from Ekolu, Willie K, Amy Hanai‘ali‘i, Napua Greig, Melveen Leed, Ikaika Blackburn and Leohone. $5. Keiki under 5 Free. 5pm-10:30pm. Old Pioneer Mill (Lahainaluna Road); 808-661-3262, Lahainarestoration.org. Photo courtesy LRF

MAUI FIL-AM HERITAGE FESTIVAL – Celebrate Filipino-American History Month at the Maui Fil-Am Heritage Festival at the Maui Mall. Honor Maui’s rich FilipinoAmerican heritage with great food, entertainment, a Speedy Balut Eating Contest, Master P-Noy Contest, the Filipino Fashionista and more. Giveaways, keiki games and cultural attire await you. 10am-3pm. Maui Mall (70 E. Ka`ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Mauifilipinochamber.com.

Photo courtesy Maui Filipino Chamber of Commerce

SATURDAY, OCT. 17 MAUI OKTOBERFEST – Maui Brewing Company and the Pacific Cancer Foundation are presenting the sixth annual Maui Oktoberfest.

The traditional German festival will have lawn games, food, a costume contest and live entertainment. General admission includes a brew or a craft Ocean Vodka cocktail as well as a dish. There will be music from Shea Derrick and Lawaia with Policia Psychedelica, Benny Uyetake, House Shakers, Paula Fuga and Flat Jackson. Proceeds will benefit the Pacific Cancer Foundation. $35-55+. 4-10pm. Maui Brewing Co. (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei); 808-242-7661, Mauibrewingco.com.

NOBLE CHEF – The Maui Culinary Academy (MCA), University of Hawaii Maui College, Maui No Ka Oi and the Fairmont Kea Lani are presenting their 19th annual Noble Chef fundraiser at the Fairmont. It raises money for the Maui Culinary Academy by pairing students with Maui’s most celebrated chefs, then challenging them to create an enticing reception menu. This year’s theme–The World on a Plate–will highlight the flavors, traditions and spices of Latin culture. $195-250+. 5:30pm reception; Dinner 7pm; Afterparty 8:30pm. Fairmont Kea Lani (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808984-3261, Noblechef.maui.hawaii.edu. Photo: Mieko Photography

SATURDAY, OCT. 17 GROWING DREAMS – Maui Youth & Family Services invites you to their Growing Dreams floral design show at the Grand Wailea. It’s a luncheon featuring Southern California florist Gerard Toh and guests can learn tricks and tips on creating their next holiday floral display. The event will benefit Malama Family Recovery Center, and proceeds will help Maui’s only women-specific substance abuse/addiction treatment center, which allows young children to live with their mothers during the recovery process. $150-175+. 9am-1:30pm. Grand Wailea Resort Hotel & Spa, Haleakala Ballroom (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-579-8414, Ext. 8102, Myfs.org. Photo courtesy Growing Dreams 2013

DANCE MAUI – Adaptations Dance Theater presents Dance Maui 2015 at the Keopuolani Regional Park Amphitheater. The afternoon showcases 11 island dance companies and features special guest and renowned Flamenco dancer Cristina Lucio–aka, “La Tigresa.” Joining the lineup are Alexander Academy of Performing Arts, Ampersand Dance Company, Darshan Dance Project, Halau Kamaluokaleihulu, Na Keiki and Na ‘Opio of Halau Hula Kauluokala, Maui Academy of Performing Arts, PureMotionZ/S.T.O. Productionz and the Seabury Hall Dance Ensemble. $15/ keiki 12 and under $10. 2pm5pm. Keopuolani Regional Park Amphitheater (700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku), Adaptationsdancetheater.com. Photo: Farahsosa

SATURDAY, OCT. 17 HUMAN TRAFFICKING CONFERENCE – Women Helping Women, Soroptimists International of Maui, the American Association of University Women and the Maui County Committee on the Status of Women invite you to a Human Trafficking Conference at UH Maui College. Kathryn Xian, the executive director of the Pacific Alliance to Stop Slavery, will be there. Continental breakfast and lunch will be provided, and RSVP recommended. Free. 10am2pm. UH Maui College, Kalama Building Rm. 103 (310 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Trafficking@whwmaui.net.

Photo courtesy Women Helping Women Maui’s Facebook page

SUNDAY, OCT. 18

MAUI CHAMBER ORCHESTRA – The Maui Chamber Orchestra invites you to a fall concert this Saturday and Sunday, Oct. 17 and 18, at the Iao Theater. They’ll sample from Haydn’s Trumpet Concerto, Stravinsky’s Pulcinella Suite, Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto #2 and Mozart’s Symphony #35. Sunday’s show will feature a pre-concert conversation with the conductor at 1:30pm. Saturday 7:30pm; Sunday 3pm. $25-45. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969, MauiChamberOrchestra.org.

Photo courtesy Maui Chamber Orchestra

TUESDAY, OCT. 20 ALOHA AINA UNITY MARCH – The Aloha ‘Aina Unity March is coming to Maui. Dedicated to awareness and education on the issues affecting Hawaii’s sacred sites, cultural landscapes, agricultural land, water and ocean, the march is part of a statewide movement. All are invited to wear red, bring signs and banners, a reusable water bottle and a lei. Mala to Moku‘ula. 10am. Lahaina. Alohaainaunitymarch@gmail.com.

Photo: Makawalu Photography/Aloha Aina Unity March Facebook page

‘THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING’ – The Maui Film Festival presents This Changes Everything at the MACC. Based on the book by Naomi Klein, the movie emphasizes empowerment over fear. Nine countries, five continents and four years culminate in one spectacle. The screening is a benefit for Sierra Club of Maui, the Maui Chapters of the Hawaii Farmers Union United and the SHAKA Movement. $14-28+. 7pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauifilmfestival.com. Photo courtesy Maui Film Festival

OCTOBER 15, 2015 17

LIVE ON MAUI TH OCT. 24 MAUI 9:00PM - 21+ ADVANCE TICKETS AVAILABLE AT: THE HARD ROCK CAFE WWW.UNDERWORLDEVENTS.COM OR BY CALLING 1-855-235-2867 MAUI | 900 FRONT ST. | +1-808-667-7400 HARDROCK.COM

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©2015 Hard Rock Cafe International (USA), Inc. All rights reserved.

18 OCTOBER 15, 2015

Film

by Barry Wurst II

Don't Walk ‘The Walk,’ Robert Zemeckis’ new film about high wire artist Philippe Petit, is a mess ★★★★★ Rated PG / 123 Min.

I

n The Walk, Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Philippe Petit, the French street performer who, in 1974, illegally walked a high wire suspended between the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers. The buildings weren’t quite finished and Petit’s actions were intended as a love letter to the structure, as much as an attention getting, life-defining act. Since Robert Zemeckis is the film’s director, it can be safely be assumed that only the best visual trickery will be used to recreate those hair raising steps into the sky.

I love Zemeckis’ movies. This is the man who gave us (among my favorites) the Back to the Future trilogy, Romancing the Stone, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Polar Express, What Lies Beneath, Forrest Gump, Death Becomes Her, Contact and Flight. Zemeckis is a protégé of Steven Spielberg, shares James Cameron’s brilliance at designing and creating the greatest special effects necessary to finalize his vision and makes films that are meticulously crafted but anchored by great per-

formances. But with The Walk, Zemeckis applies far too many visual tricks–to the point of distraction–and centers an odd story around a character who left me cold.

The early scenes, showing Petit as a gifted (if temperamental) street performer feel off.

Zemeckis doesn’t have a feel for the “mod” period and, in scenes that are in black and white but have smatterings of color, he’s overusing his considerable digital paintbrush.

Gordon-Levitt is a great actor but the character is ridiculous and doesn’t bring out the best in him. In addition to a consistent but cumbersome French accent, GordonLevitt wears blue contact lenses and what looks exactly like Julia Roberts’ Tinkerbell wig from Hook. Whereas Johnny Depp’s attention-getting makeup in Black Mass was outshined by the force and depth he brought to his role, Gordon-Levitt doesn’t have many layers here to play, other than that of a “wacky Frenchman.” Petit speaks highly of his artistry and his obsession at pulling off the Twin Towers stunt but Petit’s persona is one dimensional. Even with Ben Kingsley in a supporting role, the side characters also come across as broad caricatures.

Not helping matters is having Petit nar-

See, if I fall I can use my wig as a parachute

rate the film atop of the Statue of Liberty torch, with the Twin Towers in the background. Matthew Broderick’s addressing the audience in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is still the only film that made this work. The Walk opens with this corny establishing device and constantly cuts back to it, occasionally breaking the tension and momentum.

The story hinges on a single act, making for a long running time, building too slowly to get to one scene. Once we get to the big set piece, Zemeckis showcases some extraordinary visual effects to convey Petit’s high wire act 100 stories above New York City. It’s wonderful seeing The Twin Towers, both the exteriors and interiors, recreated so meticulously. Yet, rather than thrills or suspense, the strongest quality from this sequence is that it gave me a sensation of

vertigo. I had to keep looking at the roof of the theater, reminding myself I wasn’t suspended atop a building. I don’t mean this as a compliment–the scene made me queasy and I couldn’t wait for the movie to end.

The Walk is comparable to Spielberg’s The Terminal, in that it suffers from a wobbly tone, can’t balance darkness and whimsy and, despite how well it’s made, feels from start to finish like an admirable botch. The film’s irredeemable moment comes when Petit is lying on the high wire and spots a bird flying by, which he takes as an ominous sign. The overly CGI’d bird (complete with red, judgmental eyes) and Petit’s commentary (“zee baird wuz warning me!”) are absurd. What does work, from start to finish, is the 2008 documentary on Petit, Man on Wire. In every way, it’s preferable to The Walk. ■

OCTOBER 15, 2015 19

20 OCTOBER 15, 2015

Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6

ROGER WATERS : THE WALL- NR- SUN 12:55

WED 11:40 2:00 4:20 6:40 9:00

Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm)

BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY- PG- WED (5:00)

GOOSEBUMPS - PG13- 2D FRI-SAT 11:20 12:30 2:50 4:20 7:00 9:25, 2D SUN-THU 11:20 12:30 2:50 4:20 7:00, 3D FRI 1:40

BRIDGE OF SPIES- PG13- THU 7:20 9:40, FRIWED 12:30 1:00 3:40 4:10 6:50 7:20 10:00 10:30

A WALK IN THE WOODS-R- THU 11:30 2:00 4:40 7:10 10:00, FRI-WED 11:40 2:30 5:10 7:50 10:20

CRIMSON PEAK -R- FRI-SAT 10:45 1:30 4:10 7:00 9:45, SUN-THU 10:45 1:30 4:10 7:00 PAN- PG- 2D THU 1:35 4:15, 2D FRI-SAT 12:25 2:50 7:45 10:15, 2D SUN-THU 12:25 2:50 7:45. 3D FRI-THU 10:00 5:20 THE MARTIAN - PG13 - THU 10:00 11:00 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00, 2D FRI-SAT 2:00 8:00 10:50, SUN-THU 2:00 8:00. 3D FRI-THU 11:00 5:00 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2- PG- THU 10:30 12:35 2:45 4:55 7:00, FRI-SAT 10:15 12:25 2:30 4:35 7:00 9:10, SUN-WED 10:15 12:25 2:30 4:35 7:00, THU 10:15 12:25 2:30 4:35 SICARIO -R- THU 12:00 2:30 5:00, FRI-SAT 7:45 10:20, SUN-WED 7:45 THE INTERN- PG13- THU 5:25 8:00, FRI-THU 10:00 5:00 ROCK THE KASBAH- NR- THU (10/22) 7:45 10:20

MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) MET OPERA: OTTELLO- NR- SAT 12:55, WED 6:30

NEW THIS WEEK BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY - PG - Adventure/Sci-Fi - It’s October 2015, so we’ve finally caught up with Marty’s trip to the future. So grab your hoverboards and see the whole trilogy again! 342 min.

WOODLAWN- PG- THU 7:10 9:00, FRI-WED 11:40 2:00 4:50 7:40 10:30 FREEHELD- PG13- FRI (1:50 4:30) 7:10 9:50, SATSUN (1:50) 4:30 7:10 9:50 THE WALK-PG- 2D THU 2:10 7:50 10:40, 3D THU 12:00 4:30 7:20. 2D FRI-WED 1:50 7:30, 3D 4:40 10:20.

BLACK MASS-R- THU 11:40 2:20 5:00 7:40 10:20, FRI-WED 11:40 2:10 4:40 7:10 9:40 EVEREST- PG13- 2D THU 11:20 5:00, 3D THU 1:40 6:00 9:50. 2D FRI 7:00, 3D 1:20 4:10 9:50.

2D SAT 6:30, 3D 11:40 2:20 9:20. 2D SUN 7:30, 3D 11:40 4:40 10:20. 2D WED 7:00, 3D 1:20 4:10 9:50.

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS-PG13THU 11:30 12:30 1:50 2:10 4:40 5:10 7:00 7:20 10:10, FRI-WED 1:00 1:30 3:50 4:20 6:40 7:10 9:30 10:00 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN-PG13- THU 11:40 1:30 4:10 6:50 9:30, FRI-SAT 11:40 2:30 5:00 7:40 10:20, SUN 2:30 5:00 7:40 10:20, MON-WED 11:40 2:30 5:00 7:40 10:20 THE PERFECT GUY-PG13- THU 11:50 2:50 5:00 10:40, FRI 11:40 2:00 4:20 6:40 9:00, SAT 5:00 7:20 9:40, SUN 11:40 2:20 4:40 7:00 9:20, MON-

WOODLAWN - PG - Drama - A high school football player must also deal with racial tensions, on and off the field. 123 min.

NOW PLAYING

BRIDGE OF SPIES - PG13 - Drama - Tom Hanks stars in this Cold War story as an American lawyer tasked with getting a spyplane pilot released from the Soviet Union. Directed by Steven Spielberg. 142 min.

90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN - PG13 - Drama - A man gets into a bad car crash and is pronounced dead, but then comes back to life 90 minutes later and claims he was in heaven. Stars Kate Bosworth and that guy who played Anakin Skywalker. 121 min

CRIMSON PEAK - R - Drama/Horror - An aspiring writer dealing with tragedy finds herself in a haunted house. 119 min.

BLACK MASS - R - Crime/Drama - Johnny Depp plays Whitey Bulger, a violent South Boston gangster who turned FBI informant to go after the Mafia. 122 min.

FREEHELD - PG13 - Biography/Drama - A New Jersey cop (Julianne Moore) finds out she has terminal cancer, then fights to make sure her domestic partner (Ellen Page) can get her pension benefits. 103 min.

EVEREST - PG13 - Adventure/Thriller - A snow storm messes up an Everest climbing expedition. 121 min.

GOOSEBUMPS - PG - Action/Comedy - A teen joins up with the daughter of author R. L. Stine (Jack Black) when Stine’s imaginary demons descend on their town. How wonderfully post-modern. 103 min.

HITCHCOCKTOBER: ROPE - PG - Crime/Thriller In this 1948 Alfred Hitchcock classic, two young men strangle their classmate, then hide his body and hold a dinner party to prove they’ve pulled off the perfect crime. Stars James Stewart. 80 min.

MET OPERA: OTELLO - NR - Music - See New York’s Metropolitan Opera perform Giuseppe Verdi’s Otello. 166 min ROCK THE KASBAH - R - Comedy - A hasbeen music manager (Bill Murray) discovers a brilliant teenage vocalist while on tour in Afghanistan. 100 min.

ROGER WATERS THE WALL ENCORE - R Music - Roger Waters performs Pink Floyd’s The Wall in its entirety. 132 min.

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 - PG - Animation/ Family - Dracula and his friends try to help his (Dracula’s) half-human grandson because of some weird hotel politics. Stars Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg and Adam Sandler. 89 min.

THE INTERN - PG13 - Comedy - Robert De Niro plays a retired widower who decides to intern at a fashion website. Also stars Anne Hathaway and Rene Russo. 121 min.

LEARNING TO DRIVE - R - Comedy/Romance - A woman in New York takes driving lessons from a Sikh man while both go through marital troubles. 90 min.

LEARNING TO DRIVE- R- THU 11:20 2:30 4:50 8:00, FRI-SUN 11:50 2:20 5:50 7:20 9:50, MONWED 11:50 2:20 4:50 7:20 9:50 WAR ROOM-PG- THU 11:20 2:00 4:30 9:40 PAWN SACRIFICE-PG13- THU 3:20 10:20

We Yo u!

HELL AND BACK- R- THU 11:30 7:00 THE GREEN INFERNO- R- THU 11:30 2:20 4:40 7:30 10:00

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day)

26 N. MARKET ST. 808.495.0259

CRIMSON PEAK- R- 2D FRI-SUN (12: 40) 4:15 7:15 10:10, MON (12:40 4:15) 7:15, TUE (12:40 4:15 7:15 10:10), WED-THU (12:40 4:15) 7:15 PAN-PG- 2D THU 4:00, 3D THU 1:00 7:15. 2D FRITHU 1:00 6:45, 3D FRI-SUN 4:00 9:30, MON 4:00, TUE 4:00 9:30, WED-THU 4:00 THE MARTIAN- PG13- 2D THU 12:30 7:00, 3D THU 3:45 10:15. 2D FRI-MON (12:30) 7:00, TUE (12:30 7:00), WED-THU (12:30) 7:00. 3D FRISUN 3:45 10:15, MON (3:45), TUE (3:45 10:15), WED-THU (3:45)

FOLLOW US!

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2- PG- 2D THU 12:45 3:30 6:45 9:30

PAN - PG - Adventure/Fantasy - Everyone loves prequels, right? Good, because here’s that Peter Pan prequel you didn’t know you wanted. Stars Levi Miller as 12-year-old Peter and a bunch of other adults you’ve probably heard of. 111 min.

SICARIO - R - Action/Crime - A do-gooder FBI agent fights in the U.S./Mexico drug war. Stars Emily Blunt and Benicio Del Toro. 121 min.

A WALK IN THE WOODS - R - Adventure - Two old friends reconnect by hiking the Appalachian Trail together. Stars Nick Nolte, Robert Redford and Emma Thompson. 104 min.

THE WALK - PG - Biography/Drama - The story of Philippe Petit (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who in 1974 walked a high wire between the World Trade Center towers. See this week’s film review. 123 min.

LAST CHANCE

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

808.250.1788 HOWERPHOTO.COM

HOLIDAY FAMILY PORTRAIT SPECIAL RECEIVE A FREE VIDEO SLIDE SHOW TO SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHEN YOU BOOK BY NOVEMBER 30th.

THE GREEN INFERNO - R - Adventure/Horror - Student activists go to Amazon to save the rainforest, end up getting eaten by cannibals.

Directed by Eli Roth. 100 min.

HELL AND BACK - R - Animation/Comedy - Two friends have to rescue their friend who’s been dragged to hell. Voices include Mila Kunis and Nick Swardson. 84 min.

THE MARTIAN - PG13 - Action/Sci-Fi - Matt Damon plays an astronaut who accidentally gets left on Mars, then has to survive and find a way to tell Earth he’s still there. Also stars Jessica Chastain. 141 min.

PAWN SACRIFICE - PG13 - Drama - Tobey Maguire plays American chess master Bobby Fischer, caught up in the Cold War as he plays Soviet chessmaster Boris Spassky (Liev Schreiber). 114 min.

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS PG13 - Action/Thriller - The Gladers may have escaped the Maze, but now they have negotiate their way across a desolate landscape. 131 min.

WAR ROOM - PG - Drama - Even a seemingly perfect family has problems, but perhaps Miss Clara can help them out. Stars Priscilla C. Shirer, T. C. Stallings and Karen Abercrombie. 120 min.

CALL OR EMAIL NOW TO SCHEDULE 808.250.1788 • HOWER.PHOTOS@GMAIL.COM

OCTOBER 15, 2015 21

by Alex Mitchell & Soleil De Zwart

Calendar

THURS | 10/15

THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS 6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

FRI | 10/16

90’S NIGHT WITH DJ BLAST 10PM • $10 COVER

SAT | 10/17

RYAN ROBINSON

6PM-8PM • NO COVER

DJ KIAWE REEFS – STRICTLY VINYL 9PM • NO COVER

SUN | 10/18

NFL SUNDAY TICKET! BREAKFAST SERVED 7AM

DON’T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!

MON | 10/19

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM 7PM-10PM • NO COVER TUES | 10/20

TOM CONWAY

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

WED | 10/21

ANDREW CORRADINI

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER 142 HANA HWY

a

PAIA

a

808.579.8085

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS ‘TOLO FOR THE TATAS WITH KALIKO’S WAY’ - Fri. Oct 16. Hard Rock Cafe Maui will host eight nights of live music. Proceeds from the door will go to the Pacific Cancer Foundation. 21 and over. 10pm. Hard Rock Cafe, (900 Front St, Lahaina); 808-667-7400; Hardrock.com/cafes/maui MARVIN TEVAGA - Sat. Oct 17. ‘Saturday Late Night Live’ at Pi will feature Marvin Tevaga.

Come down to Pi and Jam with us this weekend!

Marvin Tevaga was born and raised here on the Island of Maui where his love for music began.

At eight years old, he picked up the ukulele for the first time; 20 years later he is still strumming away. 10pm. Pi Artisan Pizzeria, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com STRICTLY VINYL - Sat. Oct 17. All vinyl night with DJ Kiawe Reefs. 9pm. 21 and over. Charleys Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com BILLY CURRINGTON - Sat. Oct 17. Country superstar and platinum-selling recording artist Billy Currington is set to perform at the MACC. It’s his only Hawaii appearance, and Anuhea and Marty Dread will join him. $39. 5:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; Mauiarts.org ROCKY HORROR AND PANTIES IN PARADISE - Mon. Oct 19. Chef Lee Anderson of Sugar Beach Events invites you to get your favorite Rocky Horror costume out of the closet and join for a night of outrageous fun with an under the stars viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Lacking the right underwear to wear to the show? No problem–there will also be a special trunk show before the movie from Panties in Paradise. Free. 5pm. Sugar Beach Events, (85 N. Kihei Rd.); 808-856-6151; Sugarbeacheventshawaii.com RASTA WEDNESDAY - Wed. Oct 14. Come chill with DJ Irie Dole as he helps you get your groove on. Best Reggae jams from Paia to Kapalua. 10pm. Paradise Grill, (2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700; Paradisegrillkb.com

STAGE SHOWS KUPANAHA MAGIC SHOW - Daily (except Mon and Sun). Watch “Maui’s Magical Family” team up with the Kupanaha dancers. See scintillating hula interpretations bring spectacular illusions, charm and culture to the stage. Gold Circle VIP seating $99, General seating $79, Teen $65, Child $49, Infants free. 4:45pm. Kupanaha Magic, (2525 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0011; Kupanaha.com ‘ULALENA - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Delight in the richness of Hawaiian history and culture through music and dance. $29.99 Keiki / $59.99 adults. Children 5 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. 5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com WARREN AND ANNABELLE’S MAGIC SHOW Daily (except Sun). Warren Gibson, one of the country’s best magicians, treats you to the best “closeup” magic and comedy in a beautiful 78-seat venue.

Annabelle, their resident ghost, will entertain you while you enjoy cocktails, appetizers and desserts. $64 for regular, $104.50 for the royal flush package.

5pm. Warren and Annabelle’s, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-6244; Warrenandannabelles.com WILLIE K - Thu. This Hawaiian phenomenon captivates audiences around the world with his astounding performances and remarkable talent. Dinner and a show $60, just show $25. 6:30pm. The King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-2490033; Kamehamehagolf.com BURN’N LOVE - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Maui Theatre’s Burn’n Love brings back the golden era of Elvis in Hawaii. Starring Darren Lee, relive the days of Blue Hawaii with the best Elvis impersonator in the world!.

22 OCTOBER 15, 2015

Tickets start at $59.99; Children 12 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 7:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com ISLAND RHYTHMS SUNSET COCKTAIL CRUISE - Fri. Check out PWF’s Island Rhythms Sunset Cocktail Cruise with local reggae star Marty Dread. With a sunset view, enjoy delicious appetizers, Mai Tais and other awesome cocktails. $62.95. 4:30pm. Pacific Whale Foundations Discovery Center, (Ma‘alaea Harbor Shops); 808-249-8811; Pacificwhale.org MAUI MAGICIAN HOLDEN MOWAT - Sun. Interactive, all-ages magic-comedy performance at center stage with the magic veteran from the award-winning Kupanaha Magic Dinner Show. 11:30am. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com BRENTON KEITH AND HIS BAG O TRICKS Tue. Be amused and amazed by the high energy comedy. 6:30pm. Mulligans on the Blue, (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131; Mulligansontheblue.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR.’S SLACK KEY SHOW - Wed. Oct 21. Come see the masters of Hawaiian music. The concert features an array of Hawaii’s top musicians. There are always special guests and you can also enjoy dinner at the Sea House. $37.99. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Aloha Pavilion, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Napilikai.com

FOODIE SCENE THANKSGIVING THURSDAY - Thu. Oct 15.

Sous Chef Codeh Davis of Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop is offering a another delicious Thanksgiving turkey dinner. The meal consists of Leoda’s signature stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and turkey, all layered under pan gravy. We don’t have to tell you that it’s all homemade and delicious.

But we just did, so deal with it. $16.95. 12pm. Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop, (820 Olowalu Village Rd., Lahaina); 808-662-3600; Leodas.com PLANTATION HOUSE WINE SERIES - Daily. The monthly wine series is back on with the specials from selected featured wineries each month. Executive Chef Jojo Vasquez will create specialty-pairing menus for each monthly series and phenomenal species will be available on selected premium bottles. 2pm. Plantation House, (2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6299; Theplantationhouse.com CHARLEY’S BLOODY SUNDAYS - Sun. The Bloody Mary bar. 7am. Charleys Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com PI ARTISAN PIZZA BACKYARD BRUNCH Sun. Enjoy delicious fritatas, paninis, breakfast pi’s, and pi BBQ specials. 10am. Pi Artisan Pizzeria, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com KO SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun. Enjoy Chef Tylun Pang’s healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Go early–the laulau special is first-come, firstserved and does sell out. 5pm. Ko, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-2210; Korestaurant.com UNCORKED - Sun. Wine series hosted by Sommelier Vanessa Lampson. Enjoy light bites from Cane and Canoe’s menu developed by Sous Chef Davis Hood created specifically to pair with each week’s wines.

Price includes three glasses of wines and light appetizers. Advanced reservations required. $35. 5pm.

Cane and Canoe Bar-Montage Kapalua, (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com WINE SOCIAL - Mon and Sun. Book ahead of time for this fabulous weekly event. Sixteen people will enjoy three award-winning wines, one bite to eat and great conversation with new friends. 5pm.

Pulehu An Italian Grill, (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3254; Pulehurestaurantmaui.com

WOMEN AND WINE - Mon. Oct 19. Join Kapalua Montage Bay at the stunning Cliff House for the sunset and a sparkling wine tasting. $60. 8pm. Cliff House, (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-665-5404; Cliffhouse.com MAUI VEGETARIAN FOOD COOKING CLASS - Tue. Oct 20. See (and sample) how Chef Mama T uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfast and desserts. No registration required. For a jump start on the class, check out more than 600 healthy recipes online. Free. 5pm. Down to Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-877-2661; Downtoearth.org LUAU DINNER SHOW - Tue. Oct 20. Ka‘anapali Beach Club is proud to announce their new Luau Dinner show “Huaka‘i–Journey through Polynesia.” The luau includes traditional games, woodcarvers, cultural demonstrations and a buffet. The Hula performances are beautiful, and all will enjoy the fire knife dance finale.

6pm. Ka‘anapali Beach Club (104 Ka‘anapali Shores Pl.); Diamondresorts.com/Kaanapali-Beach-Club

ART SCENE RESORT ART COLLECTION TOUR - Thu. Oct 15. Browse sculptures, paintings, photography, wood turnings and ceramics from select local artists. Located in the lobby. 9am. Grand Wailea Resort Hotel and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-579-8414; Grandwailea.com/activities/art WILLOW NORRIS - Thu. Willow Norris is a meticulous artist who spends a great deal of time perfectly rendering her pieces. She begins with a detailed drawing on high quality archival watercolor paper and it goes on from there. 1pm. Maui Hands Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; Mauihands.com CLAIRE BLAHNIK - Fri. Maui Hands Gallery presents Claire Blahnik and her beautiful oil painting. 11:30am. Maui Hands Makawao, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008; Mauihands.com IPO KUDLICH - Fri. Ipo Kudlich is a talented multi media artist best known for her natural fiber weavings inspired by the vivid colors and natural materials of the Hawaiian Islands. 4:30pm. Maui Hands Lahaina, (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; Mauihands.com ‘OHANA ABROAD’ - Sat. Oct 17 - Thu. Nov 26.

Paintings and ceramic sculptures by Viewpoints extended family of artists now living abroad. Artists from Jonathan Yukio Clark to Ayumi Ditamore, and Sharon McGauley to John Shoemaker. 10:30am.

Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-5979; Viewpointsgallerymaui.com MALAMA WAO AKUA EXHIBITION - Daily.

Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center and East Maui Watershed Partnership present Malama Wao Akua, a fine art exhibition that merges the worlds of art and conservation with works of art that honor Maui Nui’s native plant and animal species. Free. 9am.

Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com THE KASPRZYCKI AND PAPANIKOLAS SHOW - Daily. The Viewpoints Gallery is presenting new works by Lisa Kasprzycki and Suzy Papanikolas. Papanikolas is steeped in technical ability and artistic vision, concentrating her efforts on recording Hawaiian and Polynesian cultures. Kasprzycki enjoys majestic mountains, the ocean and the relationships between plants and people. 8am. Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-5725979; Viewpointsgallerymaui.com ARTISTS AT THE TEA BOX - Sat and Sun. What goes better together than art and tea? Enjoy sipping your favorite cup of tea while watching Maui’s premiere artists do their thing. 12pm. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com WERTHEIM CONTEMPORARY GALLERY OPENING - Sat. Oct 17. Wertheim Contemporary and Makawao Fine Art Galleries cordially invite you to the

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10/19-10/23

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AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

Private Party

BLACK ROCK LOUNGE Sheraton Maui Resort, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy, 661-0031

1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St #160, Lahaina - 667-0988

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

gallery makeover and opening reception! Join for a night full of music, wine and pupus. Free. 5pm. Wertheim Contemporary Gallery, (3660 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808 573 5972; Wertheimcontemporary.com CECILIA BAHENA - Mon. Oct 19. Maui Hands Gallery is pleased to present Cecilia Bahena as their artist in residence. Bahena will be painting live and have her works on display. She works in a broad range of mediums, from traditional oils and pastels to the integration of images and handmade/painted papers in her collage pieces. 10:30am. Maui Hands Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; Mauihands.com AMANDA SCOTT - Mon. Maui Hands Gallery presents figurative painter Amanda Scott. Amanda Scott has been a dedicated artist for more than 10 years.

Her muse is usually the female figure, which she renders beautifully in a variety of ethnic contexts, primarily Polynesian. 2pm. Maui Hands Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; Mauihands.com

Saturday Night Diva w/DJ Decka, 10pm

Sunday Sessions w/ DJ 10pm

PURE: Top 40, House & EDM w/DJ Big Mike

House Party Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & DJ Kamikaze

Service Industry NIght House Music w/DJ Big Mike

Funkin’ Around w/ DJ Jay P & DJ Joralien, 9:30pm no cover

CASANOVA CHARLEY’S

Frisky Friday w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

90’s Night w/ DJ Blast, 10pm, $10

Ryan Robinson 6pm, DJ Kiawe Reefs Strictly Vinyl 9pm, no cover

NFL Sunday Ticket (Bloody Mary Bar)

MON- Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7pm, TUE-Tom Conway, 6:30pm, WED-Andrew Corradini, 6:30pm

Will Hartzag (time tba)

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm , TUE - Jazz 7:30-10pm WED-Kaleo Philips

NFL/ SIN, 9pm

House Music, 9pm

Closed for a Private Party @7pm

NFL/ Gina Martinelli Band, 7pm

MON- NFL, TUE- Pool League, WED- Pool Leaugue

Pub Quiz 7pm, DJ L 10pm

DJ L, 10pm

Jordan Cuddy, 6-9pm, DJ Poundtown, 10pm

NFL/ Steve Craig 6-9pm, SIN, 9pm

MON- NFL/Bartenders Mix, 10pm TUE- Johnny Ringo 10pm, WED- Jessica & Kanoa 10pm

The Fultones

The Houseshakers, 7pm

Steven Edwards 5-9pm Kona Storm, 9pm

Blues Sunday w/ Paul Marchetti Band

MON- Thunder N Lightnin’ 7pm, TUE- Andrew Corradini 7pm, WED- Cole Sulenta 5-9pm

Kanoa, 9pm

Dat Guyz, 9pm

Live Music , 9pm

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm

MON-Karaoke, TUE-Rick G 4-8pm, Karaoke 9pm, WED- Rick G 4-8pm, Open Mic 9pms

TOLO for Tata’s w/ Kalikos Way, 10pm $10

15th Annual Panache Pageant, 10pm $10

band Wavetrain, and then follow with a collaboration with DJ Logic. Get ready to shake your booty on the dancefloor with a full on DJ Logic solo set. 21 and over. 9pm. Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com

local charities: The Children’s Justice Center, the Hui Malama Learning Center, and Maui Youth and Family Services.$40. 8:30am. Skyline Haleakala Maui Zipline Course, (16727 Haleakala Hwy.); 808518-4002; Zipline.com/haleakala

OLD SCHOOL STYLE - Sat. Oct 24. All vinyl night! The night will start off with Maui’s all vinyl DJ’s Kiawe Reef and Irie Dole, followed by strictly vinyl set by DJ Logic. 9pm.

21 and over. Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy, Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com

TRILANAI TRIATHLON - Sun. Nov 22. TriLanai concludes the fall 2015 season with its annual triathlon.

This community-sponsored event includes a 0.5-mile swim in the beautiful marine preserve of Hulopoe Bay, followed by an exhilarating 10-mile mountain bike-ride passing the La Ola Solar Farm, and a scenic 3-mile run along the Manele Golf Course. Event organizers are offering Lanai residents a discounted registration rate of $75 for individuals and $120 for relay teams.

Hawaii residents can register individually for $85, or with a relay team for $130. For all others, rates are $110 for individuals and $150 per relay team. 8am.

(Lanai City); 808-563-0484; Visitlanai@gmail.com

‘HUMPTY-DUMPTY IS MISSING’ - Saturday, Oct 31 - Sun, Nov 8. Sammy Scoop is a private investigator in the tradition of his grandfather, Samuel Shovel and his father, Sam Spade. Sammy faces the biggest challenge of his illustrious career with the sudden fall and disappearance of Humpty-Dumpty, who apparently had no enemies. Presented by Maui Onstage Youth Theatre. 11am. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com MHOK BOCCE BALL TOURNAMENT - Sat. Nov 14. Montessori Hale O Keiki will present the third annual MHOK Bocce Ball Tournament. This “Bocce Bash” will feature five games of round-robin play with a Championship Game and special prizes. $110. 4:30pm.

Maui Nui Golf Club, (1345 Pi‘ilani Hwy., Kihei).

TICKETS ON SALE

HUI NO‘EAU WAILEA FOOD AND WINE CELEBRATION - Sat. Nov 14. Toast to Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center’s mission and support community visual arts education on Maui by joining for the 9th annual Hui No’eau Wailea Food and Wine Celebration. The evening features a silent auction and generous tastes by the island’s top chefs. Standard $150, VIP $275. 6pm. Hotel Wailea, (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 866-970-4167; Hotelwailea.com

LOS TEXMANIACS - Fri, Oct. 23- Los Texmaniacs is a conjunto band created by Max Baca in 1997. Baca wanted to create a band that incorporated elements from genres such as Rock & Roll and Jazz while still honoring the roots of conjunto Tejano. Conjunto Tejano was born in south Texas at the end of the 19th century after German settlers introduced the button accordion. The bajo sexto, a 12-string guitar-like instrument, has come to accompany the button accordion and is integral to the conjunto sound. Tickets are $45. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; mauiarts.org DJ LOGIC VS WAVETRAIN - Fri. Oct 23. The evening will fire off with Maui’s own dirty-electric-funk

WED- Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm $10 cover

Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos, 6:30pm no cover

ISLAND ART PARTY ALL AGES CLASSES Daily. It’s part art party, part painting class. Check online schedule for class times and availability. $59 adult and $39 child. 10am. Island Art Party, (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-419-6020; Islandartparty.com

‘AUGIE T LIVE’ - Fri. Oct 23. Hawaii comedian Augie T is celebrating 25 years of making audiences laugh with the “Augie T Live” standup comedy tour. The show will include brand new material alongside longtime fan favorites, all featuring Augie’s signature lighthearted look on local life, family, and current events. $20-40.

8pm. Maui Beach Hotel, (170 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-873-7834; Mauibeachhotel.net

MON-Movies & Games w/DJ Firefly, 10pm, TUE- Tequila Tuesdays w/ DJ Firefly ,10pm, WED-Wine Down w/ DJ Firefly,10pm

SWINGIN’ TIKI TIME WITH ERIC GILLIOM - Sat. Nov 14. Swingin’ Tiki Time is back, and they’ve teamed up with the gorgeous Sugar Beach Events of Hawaii to whisk you away to Maui Tiki Paradise. Chef Lee McBride has put together a delectable menu to satisfy all your Tiki tastes. Dust off your Aloha wear, gather the gang, grab an umbrella drink and enjoy tunes from yesterday and today–all with a Swingin’ Tiki Time twist. $35. 5:30pm. Sugar Beach Events, (85 N. Kihei Rd.); 808-856-6151; Sugarbeacheventshawaii.com ZIP 4 THE TREES 2015 - Sun. Nov 15. This event supports Maui Children’s charities along with the native reforestation on Skyline’s Haleakala, Maui zipline course. All proceeds from the event will benefit three

CALENDAR OF EVENTS THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15 PICNIC FOR POKI HAWAIIAN MUSIC CONCERT - Thu. Oct 15. Check out featured guest, Uncle Richard Ho‘opi‘i, who’s one iof Hawaii’s most beloved singers. Roselani Place will offer fresh baked cookies, coffee and water. Attendees should bring a lawn chair, a mat, their lunch and, most importantly, a friend. Free. 11am. Ka‘ahumanu Church, (103 S. High St., Wailuku); 808-871-7720.

THE BENOITS - Thu. The Benoits play their sweet island jazz at Whalers Village. 7pm. Whalers Village Kaanapali, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; Whalersvillage.com TALK STORY THURSDAYS - Thu. Join East Maui Watershed Partnership at Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center for the Maui Environmental Lecture Series.

5pm. Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com POLYNESIAN HULA SHOW - Thu & Tue. Get in touch with Polynesia and join us for an inspiring Polynesian Hula Show performance. 7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16 ANNUAL JOB FAIR FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES - Fri. Oct 16. Job Fair for anyone with disabilities

sponsored by Ka Lima O Maui. Free. 9am. Wailuku Community Center, (395 Waena Pl., Wailuku); 808244-5502 or 808-281-5717; Kalimaomaui.org ALOHA FRIDAY MUSIC - Fri. Enjoy the best local style music jam courtesy of Hawaiiontv.com and BMW of Maui. 11:30am. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com KIRTAN & MANTRA MEDITATION - Fri. Kirtan and Mantra meditation with Krishna Japa Das and friends.

Dancing, chanting and refreshments. Free, but donations appreciated. 7pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com COCONUT WEAVING - Fri. Join Bolly Helekahi for the 2015 Hana No‘eau cultural demonstration series.

Bring your family and friends and learn the ancient art of Hawaiian coconut weaving. This demonstration and learning session is open to the public. Free. For location info, call 808-572-4400. 1pm. Kipahulu District, (Haleakala National Park); Nps.gov/hale WAILUKU FRIDAY FARMER’S MARKET - Fri. A Farmer’s Market is coming to Wailuku every Friday.

Come to Pau Hana Kava Cafe for local, organic, food, beverages and handmade goods. Pau Hana Kava Cafe will be showcasing organic produce, raw cold-pressed juices, kombucha, kava, raw food, Middle Eastern Cuisine, fresh coconut water, succulent arrangements, essential oils and jewelry. Free. 4pm. Pau Hana Kava Cafe, (2070 W. Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-298-6926.

KEIKI HULA PERFORMANCE - Fri. Oct 16.

Come by to witness a true array of talents by our island’s keiki in their native Hawaiian hula performance. 5pm. The Outlets of Maui, (900 Front St, Lahaina); 808-661-8277; Theoutletsofmaui.com

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17 BSA DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN 2015 RECOGNITION DINNER - Sat. Oct 17. Mayor Alan Arakawa has been selected by the Maui County Council of the Boy Scouts of America to receive the Distinguished Citizen 2015 award. Proceeds benefit the Maui County Council of the Boy Scouts of America. $150. 5:30pm. The Hyatt Regency, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234; Maui.hyatt.com YOGA FOR EVERY BODY - Sat & Wed. Enjoy a free, open to the public yoga class in Kihei with certified yoga instructor Gylian Solay. Free.

8am. Gylian Solay, (Waipuilani Park, Kihei); 808-344-8068; Gyliansolay.com

OCTOBER 15, 2015 23

Cool Cat’s 12th Annual

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DREAD Live Music with

MARTY DREAD

Saturday, October 31st 10pm-Close • $10 Cover

AT

DRINK SPECIALS ALL WEEKEND LONG!!

SPECIAL PREVIEW EVENT, 2 DRINK TOKENS, 1 FOOD VOUCHER, SPECIAL FOOD TASTING, EXCLUSIVE BEER SELECTION AND SOUVENIR BEER STEIN!!

1 DRINK TOKEN, 1 FOOD VOUCHER AND ACCESS TO AMAZING LINEUP OF GREAT CRAFT BEVERAGES, LIVE MUSIC AND FOOD!

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MUSIC BY GRIPPY TANNINS SHEA DERRICK AND LAWAIA W/ POLICIA PSYCHEDELICA

BENNY UYETAKE HOUSE SHAKERS PAULA FUGA

LOUIS AND LEWIS FLAT JACKSON COSTUME CONTESTS PHOTOBOOTH LAWN GAMES

OCTOBER 17 2015

2-4 VIP / 4-10 GENERAL

605 LIPOA PKWY

KIHEI / 808.213.3002

Captain Jack's Presents

BEST OF MAUI WINNER “BEST DJ"

D J ILLZ SATURDAY, OCT. 31ST

10PM - CLOSE

$10 COVER

@MauiBrewingCo | www.MauiBrewing.com | #MBCOktoberfest

Tickets: MBC Tasting Room, Pub & MKT.COM/MAUIBREWINGCO

Oktoberfest-inspired dishes provided by: Maui Brewing Co. Pub, Big Beach BBQ, Dino’s Gourmet to Go, HaBiBi, Outrigger Pizza Co. Rock & Brews and The Maui Cookie Lady!

Craft cocktails will be available from our partners at Ocean Vodka! ~ Special thanks to our event partners ~

672 Front St. Lahaina Located next to Cool Cat Cafe 24 OCTOBER 15, 2015

TheGRID

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10/16

10/17

10/18

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JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Stef Mariani

Farzad & Mark

Rick Glencross

Guest Local Talent

MON- Mel & Soundlab, TUE & WED-Fulton Tashombe

Crunch Pups

Ladies Night w/ DJ Blast

8 Track Players

Annie & The Orphans

MON - John Ness, TUE - Kihei Cowboys, WED- Natalie Nicole

Ma’a, 6:30pm

Tori Dixon Band, 8:30PM

Ma’a, 6:30pm

JD & Harry 3-5pm Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm

MON-Benny & Glenn 6-8pm, TUE & WED- Sam Ahia 6:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON-Trivia w/ Niki Guy, 7pm

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Wilmont Kahaialii, 6:30pm

Maui Piano Man, 6:30pm

Evan Shulman, 6:30pm

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-10pm, no cover

LULU’S LAHAINA

MON-Service Industry Night 5pm-close, WED- Open Mic,10pm-close

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MILL HOUSE (MAUI TROPICAL PLANTATION) 1670 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Waikapu - 244-7643

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

VOLUNTEER: MALAMA HONOKOWAI - Sat. Volunteer with Malama Honokowai and visit the beautiful and hidden Honokowai Valley, an area closed to the public. Among Hawaiian archaeological sites, you’ll learn about Hawaiian history and culture as you help to remove invasive weed plants and possibly plant native species. 9am. North Sugar Cane Train Station, (Pu‘ukoli Road, Ka‘anapali); 808-249-8811; Volunteersonvacation.org SALSA NIGHT - Sat. Enjoy the Smokehouse’s three favorite drinks specials, well drinks, tequila and fireballs all for $4 and a long night of dancing. 10pm. Smokehouse BBQ Bar and Grill, (930 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-7005; Smokehousebbqbarandgrillmaui.com YU-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Sat. Maui Toy Works is proud to announce a weekly Yu-Gi-Oh Card Session for all Yu-Gi-Oh Card enthusiasts. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR Sat & Sun. Under the shade of Lahaina’s famous Banyan Tree, check out over 50 select Maui artists.

Listen to live music and find unique treasures including paintings, ceramics, jewelry, photography, glass art, wood carvings, baskets and more. Free.

9am. Banyan Tree Fine Art Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-0111; Lahainaarts.com

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18 FREE SUNDAY ZUMBA - Sun. Stop by the Maui Mall for free Zumba with Keoni’s Hot Lava DanceFit Studio. Free. 9am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com FREE HULA SHOW - Sun. A completely free of charge hula show, occurring just for you. Free.

11am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19 VOLUNTEER: HO‘ALOHAAINA - Mon-Tue. Join South Maui volunteers and group leaders Bob and Lis Richardson to help maintain an ocean-side trail, restore sand dunes, pick-up litter and remove invasive species. 7:30am. Unnamed Venue; 808264-1798; Southmauivolunteers.com HULA SHOW BY TE TIARE PATITIFA - Mon. Enjoy a true hawaiian hula show by Te Tiara Patitifa. 10:30am. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; Queenkaahumanucenter.com BECOMING A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR -

TUE- Summerset, 6:30pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

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info

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press

time

Makai Jazz Group, 7pm

Soul Kitchen, 7pm

College Football/ Andrew Corradini, 6:30pm

NFL/ Celtic Tigers, 7-9:30pm

MON-Stay Eazy 6:30pm, TUE- Mulligans Magic Show, 6:30pm, WED- Joel Katz 5:15pm

Mon. Oct 19. In this two-hour seminar you will learn your three publishing options, top five requirements for becoming a best-selling author and 18 mistakes to avoid. 12pm. Maui County Business Resource Center, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu St., Kahului); 808-873-8247.

songs, devotional music, folk and North Indian classical music. F6:30pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com

MAUI’S NATIVE BIRDS - Mon. Oct 19. Maui Forest Bird Recovery Project will talk about Hawaii’s native birds, their threats and projects that are helping these unique birds. 6:30pm. Makawao Public Library, (1159 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-8785; Librarieshawaii.org

WEST MAUI

FUN RUN WITH GET GLAD MAUI - Mon. Join for a fun 5k run to Kanaha Beach Park. All runners will receive a light snack from Whole Foods Market. 5:30pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20 FREE UKULELE LESSONS - Tue. Free ukulele lessons, because it’s never too late to learn how to play the ukulele. free. 5:45pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21 SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - Wed. You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back. Road bikes recommended. Free.

6:55am. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; Southmauibicycles.com VOLUNTEERING ON VACATION: O’O FARM - Wed. Work on an exquisite organic farm in the misting forest of Waipoli in Kula. Wear sturdy shoes and bring a light jacket that you do not mind getting a little dirty, plus water and sunscreen. Gloves and gardening tools provided. Please call 24 hours in advance to sign up. free. 8:45am. Oo Farms, (651 Waipoli Rd., Kula); 808-249-8811; Oofarm.com UKULELE MIX PLATE - Wed. Mele Ukulele and The Shops at Wailea invite everyone to Ukulele Mix Plate this week! With over 20-plus years in the business, Mele Ukulele has developed great relationships with Maui’s best ukulele teachers. 6pm.

The Shops at Wailea, (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-891-6770; Theshopsatwailea.com INDIAN MUSIC AND DANCE - Wed. Manju Chattopadhyay is from Calcutta, India. Gifted with a honeysweet voice, she has studied and performed Tagore

Wed, Cole Sulenta 7-9:30pm; (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-6425; Fleetwoodsonfrontst.com

CANE AND CANOE BAR - Thu, Gary Larson 7-9pm; Fri, Kapali Keahi 7-9pm; Sat, Daniel Querubin 7-9pm; Sun, Joseph Chee 7-9pm; Mon, Kincaid Kipahu 7-9pm; Tue, Brian Haia 7-9pm; Wed, Kalani Smythe 7-9pm; (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com

HULA GRILL - Thu, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Thu, Kealii Lum and Naiwi Teruya 2:30-4:30pm; Thu, Damon Parillo and Friends 6-8pm; Fri, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Fri, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sat, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 6-8pm; Sun, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sun, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Mon, Kapali Keahi 2:30-4:30pm; Wed, Ernest Puaa 11am-12pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 2:30-3:30pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Thu, Adam Masterson 7:30-10pm; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:3010pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; Mon, Dave Carrol 7:3010pm; Tue, Jordon Cuddy 7:30-10pm; Wed, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988; Captainjacksmaui.com

JAPENGO - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:308:30pm; Fri, Elaine Ryan 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Josh Sumibcay 5:30-7:30pm; (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4796; Japengomaui.com

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE LAHAINA - Thu, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Fri, Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Fri, Joe Benedett 4:3010:30pm; Sat, Scott Freeman 4:30-10:30pm; Sun, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Mon, Mark Burnett 4:30-10:30pm; Tue, Scott Freeman 4:3010:30pm; Wed, Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Wed, Joe Benedett 4:30-10:30pm; (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855; Cheeseburgerland.com

JAVA JAZZ AND SOUP NUTZ - Fri, Farzad and Mike Madden 7-10pm; Sat, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Mon, The Soundlab 7-10pm; Tue, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; Wed, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Honokowai); 808-667-0787; Javajazz.net

LIVE MUSIC

COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Wed, Benny Uytake 7:30-10pm; (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908; Coolcatcafe.com DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Thu, Peter D and Garrett Probst (Ukulele Boys) 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Fri, Damon Parrillo and Tim Osbourne 6-8:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 3-5pm; Sat, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Sun, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Mon, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Mon, Danyel Alana and Guest 6-8:30pm; Tue, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Tue, Roy Kato and Guest 6-8:30pm; Wed, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Wed, Puhi Ko 6-8:30pm; (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900; Dukesmaui.com FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Thu, The Fultones 6-8pm; Fri, The Houseshakers 7-9:30pm; Sat, Kona Storm 7-9:30pm; Sun, Blues Sunday with Paul Marchetti Band 5-9pm; Sun, Rick G 7-9:30pm; Mon, Rick G 7-9:30pm; Tue, Andrew Corradini 7-9:30pm;

KIMO’S RESTAURANT - Sat, Maa 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, JD and Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Tue, Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm; Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811; Kimosmaui.com LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Thu, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Joseph Chee 7:30-9:30pm; Wed, Scotty Rotten 7:30-9:30pm; (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-6610700; Lahainapizzacompany.com LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm; (843 Wainee St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655; Lahainasportsbar.com LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret and Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD and Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD and Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret and Josh 3-5pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-661-4495; Leilanis.com LONGHI’S - Thu, Steve Grimes and Friends 6-8pm; Fri, The Piano Man 6:30-9pm; Sat, Evan Shulman 6:30-9pm; Sun, The Two Cats 6:30-9pm; Tue, The Tori Dixon Duo 6:30-9pm; Tue, SummerSet 6:30-9pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; Longhis.com

OCTOBER 15, 2015 25

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Jamie Gallo 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm

Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ LX 10pm

Viva La Rumba 4-6pm, Kanoa 10pm

MON - Kanoa 4pm & DJ Big Mike SIN 10pm, TUE - Jon Bowser 4-6pm, WED- Wildcard Wednesdays

Pool Tournament, no cover

Homestead, 9pm

Johnny Nash Band, 9pm

Karaoke, 8pm no cover

MON-Industry Night 6pm-close, TUE& WED- Free Pool/ Ladies Night

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

The Crunch Pups, 8pm, $4 cover

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; $4 cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Louise Lambert Trio, 7:30-10:30pm

Skip, 6:30-8:30pm

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MON- Elaine Ryan 5:30pm, TUE- Power Up Comedy Tour 9pm, WED- Steve 9-11pm,

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TUE- Free Karaoke, WED- Dinner Music 6-8pm

PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA 900 Front St, Lahaina, 667-0791

RITA’S 1945 S.Kihei Rd. - 214-5788

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku - 243-9351

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB AND GRILL Fri, Through the Roots, Inna Vision, and Gomega Doors 8-10pm; (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808; Luluslahaina.com

SOUTH MAUI

MERRIMAN’S KAPALUA - Thu, Ranga Pae 5:308:30pm; Fri, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sat, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808669-6400; Merrimanshawaii.com/kapalua

DIAMONDS ICE BAR AND GRILL - Thu, S.I.N. 6-8pm; Fri, House Music 6-8pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299; Diamondsicebar.com

OCEAN POOL BAR AND GRILL - Fri, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Mon, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/oceanpool

CAPISCHE - Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; (555 Kaukahi Rd., Wailea); 808-879-2224; Capische.com

DOG AND DUCK IRISH PUB - Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm-1am; Thu, Pub Quiz 7-9pm; Sat, Jordan Cuddy 8-10pm; Sun, Steve Craig 6-9pm; Sun, Sin 9-11pm; Mon, Bartenders Mix 7-9pm; Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm-1am; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669; Theworldfamousdogandduck.com

OHANA BAR AND GRILLE - Thu, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Fri, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Sat, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Sun, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Mon, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Tue, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Wed, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; (104 Ka‘anapali Shores Pl.); 808-667-1337.

GANNON’S - Thu, Classic Rock Live 5-7pm; Fri, Jazz Fridays 5-7pm; (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080; Gannonsrestaurant.com

PAILOLO BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Mon, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Tue, Ukulele/ Pop 5-8pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-6673200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/pailolo

KONO’S ON THE GREEN - Thu, Bossa Nova with Katya Williams 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Music by Sierra and Sal 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Easy Listening with Neto 5:307:30pm; Sun, Omar and the Rare Vibrations 5-8pm; Tue, Easy Listening with Neto 5:30-7:30pm; Wed, Acoustic Classical Guitar with Jim Spektor 5:30-7:30pm; (470 Lipoa Pkwy.); 808-633-4220; Konosonmaui.com

PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA - Fri, Nestor Ugale 6-8pm; Sun, Pi Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm; ( 900 Front St, Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com

HAUI’S LIFE IS A BEACH - Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Tue, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Wed, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010; Mauibars.com

PIONEER INN GRILL AND BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza and Alana Cini 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-3636; Pioneerinnmaui.com/grill-bar.htm

MAKENA BEACH AND GOLF RESORT - Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Tue, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-874-1111; Makenaresortmaui.com

SANGRITA GRILL AND CANTINA - Thu, Live Flamenco Music by Indio and Avi 6:30-8:30pm; (2580 Kekaa Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000; Sangritagrill.com

MAUI BREWING COMPANY KIHEI - Thu, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Mon, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Tue, Levi Poasa 5-8pm; (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei); 808-213-3002; Mauibrewingco.com

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Thu, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Fri, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sun, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Sun, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Mon, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Tue, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Wed, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-1500; Seahousemaui.com

MEMPHIS BELLE - Sat, Test Event for All Categories Export 11am-1pm; (1794 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei); 808-280-0399; Memphisbellecoffee.com

THE CLIFF DIVE GRILL - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:30-8pm; Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Sat, Larry Golis and Hollis Lee 6:30am-8:30pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Tue, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Wed, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0031; Cliffdivegrillmaui.com

MON-Open Mic 10pm, TUE- SIN, WED-Reggae w/ DJ Irie Dole, 10pm

Wiggle w/ DJ Prince Valium EDM, HipHop & Trap

Ladies Night w/ drink specials

MOLOKINI BAR AND GRILL MAKENA RESORT - Thu, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Fri, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Sat, Alan Stevens 6-10pm; Sun, Kaena Elaban 9:30am-12pm; Sun, Larry Golis 6-9pm; Mon, Eddee Sebala 6-10pm; Tue, Deason Baybayan 6-10pm; Wed, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888; Makenaresortmaui.com MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Thu, Keola and Datguyz 1-3pm; Thu, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Thu, Mike Finkiewicz

WED- Sheron, 7-9pm no cover

and Craig Soderberg 7-9pm; Fri, Stay EZ 1-3pm; Fri, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Nako’oka 7-9pm; Sat, TFlatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sat, Brian Haia 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, T-Flatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sun, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Sun, Ohana Groove 7-9pm; Mon, Kanoa Louis 1-3pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Joshua Kahula 7-9pm; Tue, Kanoa and Jessica 1-3pm; Tue, Stay Eazy 4-6pm; Tue, Duane Feig 7-9pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 1-3pm; Wed, Alika Nako’oka 4-6pm; Wed, Jarret Roback 7-9pm; (10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808-891-2322; Monkeypodkitchen.com MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Makai Jazz Group 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Soul Kitchen 7-9pm; Sun, Celtic Tigers 7-9:30pm; Mon, Stay Eazy 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Joel Katz Hawaiian Steel Guitar 6:30-8:30pm; (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131; Mulligansontheblue.com PITA PARADISE - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 6:309pm; (34 Wailea Gateway Center); 808-879-7177; Pitaparadisehawaii.com

STEEL HORSE SALOON - Wed, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; Sun, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; Wed, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; (1234 L. Main St., Wailuku); 808-245-2206.

WATERCRESS - Fri, Pauhana 6-9pm; Sun, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Mon, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Tue, Karaoke 8pm-2am; (270 Waiehu Beach Rd., Wailuku); 808-243-9351.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT AND SALOON Thu, Mark Johnstone and Lenny Castellanos 6:308:30pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 6-8pm; Mon, Open Mic 7-10pm; Tue, Tom Conway 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 6:30-8:30pm; (142 Hana Hwy, Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com STOPWATCH SPORTSBAR AND GRILL - Thu, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; Sat, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-1380; Stopwatchsportsbargrill.com

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Steve Mantelli 4-6pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 4-6pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; Southshoretikilounge.com THREE’S BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Salsa Dancing with Barb and Ernesto 8-11pm; Fri, Jazz Night with Louise Lambert 7:30-10:30pm; Sat, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sat, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Sat, Live Solo Guitar from Cpt. Dan Saunders 5:30-9pm; Sun, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sun, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Tue, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Tue, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Wed, Live Piano with Katya Williams 5:30-8:30pm; (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133; Threesbarandgrill.com

CENTRAL MAUI BEACH BUMS BBQ AND GRILL - Thu, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Sun, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286; Beachbumshawaii.com KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; Sun, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001; Alehouse.net MAUI YOGA SHALA - Fri, Kirtan and Mantra Meditation 7-9pm; Wed, Indian Music and Dance 6:30-8:30pm; (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808283-4123; Maui-yoga.com

OCTOBER 15, 2015 27

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by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

People pretend at shit all the time. They pretend to know what they’re talking about when they taste a wine; they imagine they’re experts on politics, or world change, or morality. But most of them are dilettantes at best and self-deluding jackasses at worst. When you meet someone who really knows their shit, it’s obvious–often because they’re so cool and low-key about it. They don’t need to pose or try too hard or even necessarily say anything.

Why should they? They know what they know and how many other people get it (or don’t) can’t change that. You don’t need to prove yourself either, so don’t bother trying–it just drags you down.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Asian honeybees, when defending their hives against rapacious (and much larger) wasps, cook them to death. They surround the wasp with dozens of bees, vibrating to produce 113° or more of heat.

If it were just a handful of degrees warmer, they’d die themselves. Emulate their example. Sometimes you’ve got to take a tremendous risk to gain what you need or want. This is one of those times. If you’re not willing to lay it all on the line, whatever you do risk won’t be enough to accomplish whatever you want done. Are you willing to chance self-annihilation to achieve a beloved aspiration? How important is this goal to you, ultimately? Very important?

Then prove it: Don’t hold anything back.

stays mostly stuck in their at-home selves, because they never really leave them behind. You’re similarly limited. Too many ties are strapping you into who you were. To become who you want to be, you’ve got to find a way to shake them off, if only temporarily. This week is a fantastic time to attempt just that.

QUIZ understood

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: C–Rep. Tulsi Gabbard 2: D–1,400 pages 3: E–15

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Every Aries child’s favorite phrase is a riff on, “Just leave me alone!” The irony is you’re among the most social creatures in the zodiac, and even though you can approach hermit-like solitude when you seek alone-time, you absolutely need people whenever you’re not in one of those brief phases. The problem with people is they often intrude when they’re not welcome, and are absent when you most desperately require them. Luckily, that’s simply not the case this week; when you need your space, you’ll have it. When you’re ready to rejoin the party, it’ll just be hitting its peak.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

I babble when I get drunk. Put a few glasses of wine in me and I’m off and running, carried on a wave of enthusiasm that’s–for a little while, at least–virtually unstoppable. Luckily, the people I hang out with are fairly tolerant by this kind of thing. That’s why I enjoy their company. Why are you trying to force your quirky ways on people who just don’t appreciate them? They’re nothing special, and there are many other people who treasure your idiosyncrasies, after all–if this clique doesn’t get it, screw ‘em.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Sexual relationships change or they stagnate and die (or often continue in half-dead zombie stasis for years). Toys and accessories only carry you so far; ultimately renewal and regeneration, coupled with acceptance, are the only way to make things last.

Acceptance that they’ll ebb and flow, and a willingness to re-fall in love with your partner every time he or she becomes someone new. Your instinct is to always try to make things “like they were,” but it’ll get you nowhere. Go for making things “like they’ve never yet been,” and you’ll have a far better chance.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

This week could be a camel-back-breaking straw.

Capricorns are generally pretty careful about taking too much on, so even though you’re ambitious, you’re also efficient and good at time management. In fact, the only way you get overloaded is by taking on the little shit that you can’t easily say no to. You’ve got a full schedule, but then you’re asked to do one more tiny thing, then another, and before you know it, you’re in nervous breakdown town. It’s hard to feel okay about saying, “No, I actually can’t pick up the drycleaning,” or “I’m so ridiculously busy I don’t have time to meet for lunch.” Nevertheless, given your present circumstances, that’s probably what you ought to do.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Pigs aren’t as cuddly as dogs or cats, but they’re just as smart; some say they’re better at reasoning, recall, and problem-solving than most human threeyear-olds. Aquarians are similar; at first glance you aren’t quite as malleable and adoring as your fellow Air signs, the Librans, or as vivacious and fun-loving as those zany Geminis, but if people take the time to look closer, you actually suit what they’re looking for, most of the time, better than your flashier astrological cousins. The trick isn’t increasing your flash factor, it’s convincing people to stick around long enough to realize that they not only don’t need that glam surface stuff, but they’re better off without it.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

When I went off to summer camp as a kid, it was its own world. Contact with folks and friends back home happened through handwritten letters and the occasional brief coin-funded phone call. It was a chance for me and my fellow campers to try on new selves, unhampered by the expectations of those who already knew us. Camp’s not like that anymore; everyone’s got cellphones and email and

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

What’s a dynamic, open-minded explorer like you doing getting stuck in a routine? I’m not talking your schedule, which is probably as wild and semiunpredictable as it always was. I’m referring to your communication routines; you’re used to getting your ideas across in certain ways, and because you’re pretty articulate, you rarely (or never) use other methods. Well, this is a good week to try some new techniques, because your usual means aren’t working.

Draw a picture, do some interpretive dance, stage an intervention. Do whatever it takes to convey what you have in mind, because it’s just that important.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

You may have as much anxiety as excitement regarding the long-anticipated events of this week, but I hope you focus consciously on the latter, not the former, because you actually have very little reason to be afraid, and many thrilling possibilities to look forward to. In fact, the more positive and fearless you are in your approach, the more that’ll be rewarded with exactly what you wish for and dream about. Smile, breathe deep, and stride boldly forward into the chaos of all that’s going on this week. It’ll be fun, really–as long as you let it be. Lose the fear. Enjoy the ride.

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LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

To protest new laws that allow concealed handguns in classrooms, University of Texas students plan on carrying large dildos. The absurdity of allowing deadly weapons while restricting sex toys should drive the point home in a joyful and humorous way–the same tone you should strive for in making your own case this week. They’ll be much more effective than earnest, strident arguments. #cocksnotglocks VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Last night I dreamt you had brain surgery–physicians gruesomely sawing through your skull and all. It was pretty horrible, but you were up and at ‘em later that day, climbing the five flights to your apartment without help and grumbling about what a hassle it was. I interpreted it as indication of your current ability to bounce back quickly from things that would lay others out for weeks. You’re so flighty and distractible that people see you as a featherweight, without often noticing your quirky strength and resilience. This week, you’ll have a chance to demonstrate just those qualities.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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