18.39 Is This The Future Of Kaho'olawe, March 12, 2015, Volume 18, Issue 39, MauiTime

March 12, 2015 ✚ Volume 18 ✚ Issue 39 ✚ FREE

IS THIS THE FUTURE OF KAHO‘OLAWE?

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MARCH 12, 2015

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Contents VOLUME 18 ✚ ISSUE 39

ON THE COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s the last song you listened to?

THE 2015 SCION xB

Original Photo By: Andrew Wright IS THIS THE FUTURE OF KAHO‘OLAWE?

Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com “Gimme the Sweet & Lowdown” by Social Distortion Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com “In For The Kill (Skream’s Let’s Get Ravey remix)” by La Roux Graphic Designer: Jen Carter “Danny Boy” by Conway Twitty Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com “Hey Jude” by The Beatles

CANE BURNING COMING SOON

4 10 13 15 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

PG.5

FUN AT THE

SHERATON

PG.15

NOT ANOTHER HOTEL MOVIE

PG.19

MAUITIME.COM IS BACK

PLUS

PG.10

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter

Proofreader: Dina Wilson

Canine Body Therapy

This week’s cover is an artists rendition of what Kaho‘olawe might look like in the near future.

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter “In a Sentimental Mood” by Duke Ellington & John Coltrane

Admin. Executive: Sarah Gerlach (808) 244-0777 “How Bad Do You Want It” by Sevyn Streeter

CALL NOW TO SCHEDULE

March 12, 2015 ✚ Volume 18 ✚ Issue 39 ✚ FREE

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter “Fuck Tha Police” by NWA

Contributors: Jenn Brown (“Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift), Caeriel Crestin, Soleil De Zwart, Suzanne Kayian, Andrew Miller, Alex Mitchell, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II, Dayna Yamasaki

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NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY FOOD & DRINK A&E THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

QUIZ understood or renovation of an existing hotel facility.”

E. “Provides a temporary income tax cred-

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

it for the cost of upgrading or converting a cesspool to a septic system.”

1. On Mar. 6, the Hawaii House of Representatives’ Majority Office announced that more than a hundred bills had so far passed the House and would head to the state Senate. One of those bills was HB 133 HD1–what does this bill seek to do?

A. Appropriates money for “micro apartment housing units.”

B. Establishes a “little fire ant Pesticide Treatment Coupon Pilot Project.”

C. “Requires the University of Hawaii Board of Regents to study the feasibility of selling or leasing the building that houses the UH Cancer Center.”

D. “Provides an income tax credit for costs incurred in new hotel construction

2. Carol Reimann is Monsanto Hawaii’s Community & Government Affairs Manager. She also just got confirmed to join one of the County of Maui’s many boards and commissions, according to the Mar. 7 Maui News. Which one?

A. Liquor Control Board of Adjudication B. Police Commission C. Maui Planning Commission D. Civil Service Commission E. Board of Ethics 3. In its Mar. 7 issue, The Maui News reported that the Maui Police Department recently arrested a Lahaina man for striking his roommate with which common kitchen utensil?

A. Spatula B. Ladle C. Potato masher D. Ice cream scoop E. Whisk

See answers, page 29

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

Coconut Wireless

MAYOR ARAKAWA ‘EXCITED’ BY WATER, LAND, PARK PROJECTS

• A $15 million Iao Water Surface Treatment Plant, which will “clean the extra 1.5 million gallons of water A DAY that the county will receive, thanks to the successful agreement worked out between the parties of the recent Na Wai Eha decision before the State Water Commission.”

• New “acoustic leak detection technol-

“I for one am very curious about the state of our water pipes,” Arakawa said, according to his speech text. “We look forward to hearing about the progress of this project.”

Arakawa also talked about a particularly sore subject for county residents–road maintenance.

In particular, he said the Department of Public Works has abandoned their old 50year maintenance schedule for county roads.

“Instead we are now on a 20 to 25 year repair cycle,” Arakawa said. “Because of this increased pace we estimate that 69 percent of all of the county’s roads are in fair to excellent condition.” At first glance, this sounds great, except it also means that 31 percent of the county’s roads–nearly a third–don’t even come up to “fair” condition.

Arakawa likes to talk about parks, and this speech is no different. He talked about how county will build a 209-acre regional park off Kuihelani Highway in Kahului. And will build a 50-acre regional park in Napili.

He also said that “the county will break ground on the Kulamalu Affordable Housing Project this summer.” This new development will “provide 56 rental units which we believe will help our workforce population move their families into good homes,” he added.

process sugar on 36,000 acres of Maui. A century ago, sugar grew more than 200,000 acres across the state, employing more than 43,000 people. Today’s output of 162,000 tons is nothing compared to the more than 500,000 tons produced in 1910 (or the nearly million tons of sugar produced in 1940, for that matter).

Today, HC&S is just a fragment of Hawaii’s old sugar empire. It’s a fact caused not by any change in the weather, but by the rise of tourism land development as the state’s dominant economic engines. And new health trends, most recently highlighted by the World Health Organization (WHO), threaten to reduce what’s left of Big Sugar’s hold over Maui even further.

In his Mar. 6 letter, Volner acknowledged this trend in a vague, self-serving way. “In 2014, HC&S had the honor of the being the presenting sponsor for the Heart Association’s Maui Heart Walk,” states the letter. “Our employees walked alongside our fellow community members to raise over $123,000 for cardiovascular health education, the highest amount of funds

GET READY FOR 143RD CANE BURNING SEASON! Looks like cane-burning season is coming up fast, and that means many Maui residents found a nice “Dear Neighbor” letter in their mailboxes this weekend.

“2014 was a challenging year for our operations,” states the Mar. 6, 2015 letter, signed by Hawaiian Commercial and Sugar (HC&S) General Manager Rick Volner, Jr. “Wet weather throughout the year created difficult harvesting conditions and delays which hindered sugar production.

HC&S produced just over 162,000 tons of sugar, the lowest annual production since 2009… HC&S’s financial losses might have been greater if not for the perseverance and dedication of our 750 employees.”

Boo hoo. Maui gets a little sorely needed rain, and HC&S (a subsidiary of Alexander & Baldwin) wants sympathy because it couldn’t burn as much cane in the fields as it would have liked.

Here’s some historical context, taken from Carol A. MacLennan’s 2014 book Sovereign Sugar: Industry and Environment in Hawai‘i.

Today, 750 HC&S employees grow, harvest and

PHOTO BY DUSTIN PLANK / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa characterized the state of the County of Maui as “STRONG” in his 2015 State of the County Address, which he delivered on Mar. 10 at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center.

“If you look at our private sector, our tourism industry has had recordsetting years as far as visitor numbers and spending,” Arakawa said, according to the text of his speech. “Property valuations are up again this year, which means the home real estate market is also rebounding. The construction industry has been slowly coming out of its slump as well, and we are seeing more and more of our workers back on the job.”

Arakawa’s basically a tech guy–he started out as a wastewater plant worker at the county, after all–so much of the speech focused on things: roads, parks, water pipes. He did mention purely human interest issues like homeless (he wants to build a “a residential community for the mentally challenged” at Old Maui High) and his desire to “privatize” Maui Memorial Medical Center to save it from financial ruin, but there was nothing in the speech about, say, the Maui Police Department, the ongoing litigation surrounding the incredibly controversial GMO moratorium passed during the November election or his often nasty fight with much of the Maui County Council.

A word cloud created from the speech is very similar to his recent speeches, with the largest emphasis placed on words like “community,” “water” and “project.” Which is why I wasn’t surprised when he used the word “exciting” to describe two new water projects:

ogy” which “has the potential to save thousands if not millions of gallons a day, depending on how many leaks are out there.”

Speaking of building, Arakawa talked up the County’s new Maui’s Automated Planning and Permitting System or MAPPS Project. “For residents this means you will be able to do things like file your building plans online and keep track of their status as it goes through the approval process,” he said, according to the speech text. “You’ll also be able file code enforcement complaints and track those electronically as well.”

And he mentioned that the county would soon launch its own mobile app, called County of Maui Connect. It’s similar to Maui Tomorrow’s CleanAirMaui app, which allows residents to report excessive cane smoke and ash during burn season.

“The app is very simple,” Arakawa said.

“You download it and if you see something that the county should be aware of, such as a pothole, abandoned vehicle or some sort of code violation, just open up the app, take a picture with your cell phone, submit the information and hit send.”

You can read the entire text of Arakawa’s speech at Mauitime.com.

Mmm.. smokey

“I’m not a stripper, and yet I’ve got glitter on my head.”

ever raised for the Maui Heart Walk.”

While certainly an honorable achievement, HC&S quite possibly could have done even more good for the world’s collective cardiovascular health by simply going out of business.

“The U.N. health agency says the world is eating too much sugar and people should slash their intake to just six to 12 teaspoons per day–an amount that could be exceeded with a single can of soda,” the Associated Press reported on Mar. 5. “Experts have long railed about the dangers of sugar and studies suggest that people who eat large amounts of the sweet stuff are at higher risk of dying prematurely from heart problems, diabetes and cancer, among other conditions.”

Just something to think about the next time you see a big cloud of cane smoke in the skies over Central Maui. ■

-Guy in Kihei, Mar. 8

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

Overheard

For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

MARCH 12, 2015

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro & Suzanne Kayian

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-Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY HAWAII HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

-Anthony Pignataro

Mele Carroll

MELE CARROLL SERVICES THIS SUNDAY

NEW LAHAINA ARTS ASSOCIATION SCHOLARSHIPS High school students interesting in art have an opportunity to submit their work

NEW MONTAGE KAPALUA EMPLOYEES Montage Kapalua Bay added two new employees to its Cane & Canoe restaurant: Robert Comstock has been appointed General

Manager and Vanessa Lampson is the restaurant’s new sommelier.

Lampson most recently served as sommelier at Merriman’s Kapalua. Originally from Portland, Oregon, Lampson’s career has included stints at several restaurants and wineries. She's also worked as a public relations specialist in the food and wine fields.

Lampson will be responsible for creating the wine lists and beverage programs of both Cane & Canoe and other venues throughout the property as well as creating fun and interactive wine and spirits experiences for guests.

“We are excited to have Vanessa join our team at Cane & Canoe. She brings a lot of passion and knowledge that our associates and guests will truly enjoy and benefit from,” said Director of Food & Beverage James Proctor.

Cane & Canoe’s new GM, Robert Comstock, is a 19-year veteran of the food and beverage industry. Comstock most recently served as General Manager of Pacific’O in Lahaina.

Before that he worked as GM at E&O Trading Company in Lahaina and at Duke’s Canoe Club, Ocean House and Lewers Street Fish Co. in Waikiki. Comstock has received numerous Hale Aina awards (statewide) and Aipono awards (Maui) for many of his restaurants and hopes to bring the same recognition and passion to Cane & Canoe.

“We are thrilled to welcome a proven restauranteur of Robert’s caliber to our stellar team at Cane & Canoe,” said Resort Manager David Hoffman. “His experience and commitment to quality will have an immediate impact on the restaurant.”

Comstock will oversee the day-today operations as well as be responsible for staffing, service standards, quality control and marketing and promotional programming.

He will also manage the inroom dining operations.

PHOTO COURTESY MONTAGE KAPALUA BAY

There will be two services for the late Representative Mele Carroll, D–East Maui, Molokai, Lanai, the state House of Representatives announced on Feb. 25. The first took place on Oahu on Friday, Mar. 6. The second will take place here on Maui this Sunday: “On Maui, a memorial service will be held on Sunday, March 15, at Ballard Family Mortuary, 440 Ala Makani Street in Kahului. Viewing will be held from 9-11am with service to follow from 11am to 1pm. A final viewing will be held from 1-2:30pm.

Internment will take place at 3pm at Valley Isle Memorial Park in Haiku (off Hana Highway). Lei and floral arrangements are welcomed at the Maui service.”

We at MauiTime wish the best for Rep. Carroll’s ohana during this difficult time.

for exhibition and consideration for a partial college scholarship.

Next month, the Lahaina Arts Association will host its 37th annual Art Exhibit and Scholarship Contest for graduating high school seniors from Maui County.

Interested students may enter one piece of work in each of the five competition categories: painting, drawing, three-dimensional, photography and mixed media.

Tuition assistance scholarship awards include $1,000 for the Best in Show Award. Additional $500 awards will be presented in each of the five categories. In addition, LAA will present gift certificates in an honorable mention category.

LAA is accepting entries at the Old Jail Gallery from 10am to 3pm on April 4 and 5. Artwork will be exhibited at the gallery April 6-19. A special artists’ reception will be held on April 19 at 4pm in the Old Jail Gallery to award scholarships and honor contest participants.

Entry forms and complete rules/conditions are available at Lahaina-arts.org.

Lahaina Arts Association is a non-profit organization that provides Maui County youth access to the creative arts through education and artistic opportunities. LAA offers free art classes to children in schools, youth centers and housing sites on Maui and Molokai through the Maui Youth Art Outreach Program. LAA also provides a Hawaiian Youth Mentoring Program. The association works to inspire creative thinking and artistic expression by creating opportunities for art education and appreciation through the support of grants, individual donations and support from its founder, Lahaina Arts Society.

Vanessa Lampson

neurship, education, government service or elsewhere… Wong’s fundraising strategies, combined with his colorful personality, have ushered Imua into a new era.”

Wong has served as Imua’s executive director for the past four years. The organization itself, which provides services for the county’s children with special needs, began in 1947.

“I hear myself constantly saying, Oh this is just the beginning, there is so much more to do,” said Wong. “I’m just getting started.

I feel like this recognition affirms that.”

Imua’s annual gala, known as the Fantasia Ball, takes place April 3, 2015. Following that, Imua will hold the grand opening of its new 10,000-square foot home on South Wakea Avenue in Kahului, Maui.

-Anthony Pignataro ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

-Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Renoir's 'Monet Painting in his Garden in Argenteuil'

Looks like the star that is Imua Family Services Executive Director Dean Wong just keeps getting brighter.

“Imua Family Services is proud to announce Executive Director Dean Wong’s selection as one of Hawaii Business Magazine’s 20 for the next 20 class of 2015,” stated a Mar. 9 Imua news release. “These ‘People to Watch’ come from a variety of fields including: business, public service, law, entrepre-

PHOTO COURTESY IMUA FAMILY SERVICES

DEAN WONG GETS NEW HONOR

Dean Wong

MARCH 12, 2015

7

News & Views

by Chuck Shepard

News Of The Weird FINE POINTS OF THE LAW Shooting “upskirt” photos of a 13-yearold girl is not illegal in Oregon, declared Judge Eric Butterfield in February, thus acquitting Patrick Buono, 61, of the crimes of invasion of privacy and “encouraging child sexual abuse.” Buono’s behavior was “appalling,” Judge Butterfield noted, but since the girl was in a public place (a Target store) and no nudity was involved (she wore underpants), the specifics of Oregon statutes were not violated. Said Buono’s lawyer, “It’s incumbent on us as citizens to cover up whatever we don’t want filmed in public places.”

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT? Felons, and those convicted of domestic assault, and those with a history of mental illness, cannot by federal law buy firearms or explosive devices, but Americans on the National Counterterrorism Center’s consolidated watch list can -- and may possess an unlimited quantity. (In 2013 and 2014, 455 of 486 prospective purchasers on the list passed the background check, and going back to 2004, 2,043 of 2,233, according to a recent Government Accountability Office report.) Legislation to add watch listees as a banned category was introduced again this year, but has failed several times in the past.

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GREAT ART! The three-week February exhibition of Alejandro Figueredo Diaz-Perera consisted of a blank wall in Chicago’s West Loop gallery– with the artist present only in the sense that he was residing in a narrow, 10-foot crawl space behind the wall with only a single sign alerting patrons (“I am here, but you will not see me”). Diaz-Perera’s “In the Absence of a Body” was designed, he said, to explore the boundary between presence and absence.

OWLFEST A motorist smashed into a power pole at 2am on Feb. 25 in Tukwila, Washington, because, he explained, he was “chasing an owl.” (Police somehow found him to be sober and did not charge him.) And officials in Salem, Oregon, posted signs in February to warn joggers on a popular running path that they might be attacked by a rogue owl or owls, after four people were aggressively pecked at by dive-bombers. (One design for the sign came from cable TV personality Rachel Maddow.)

THE CONTINUING CRISIS a free family event

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MARCH 12, 2015

America’s Least Interesting Couple: Bill Bresnan, 74, of Toms River, New Jersey, has written a love letter to his wife, Kirsten, also 74, every day for nearly 40 years–more than 10,000 in number–and continuing, according to a February ABC News report. “We’ve never had a fight,” he said. Their romance continues over, for example, playing “Boggle” at breakfast or having candlelit dinners with wine. (Bo-

nus: Kirsten has hoarded all of the letters, filed by date, in 25 boxes.)

LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES Margurite Haragan, 58, was charged with two harassment counts against a Jewish woman in Boise, Idaho, in February after the victim complained of being screamed at and roughed up by Haragan, who was trying to pressure her to acknowledge a belief in Jesus Christ. After Haragan allegedly stepped on the woman’s neck and pulled her hair upward, the victim promised to become a Christian. Haragan then departed but returned two days later to continue the alleged harassment. (The genesis of the women’s relationship was unclear from news reports.)

PERSPECTIVE The Mississippi Department of Education reported recently that federal student privacy law bars local schools from alerting the MDE about college-age student teachers who might be having inappropriate relationships with the K-12 students they teach. The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act apparently controls regulation of the student teachers during on-the-job classroom training (or, as a reporter for the Clarion-Ledger of Jackson wrote, “What happens in college, apparently, stays in college”). The MDE, which issues educator licenses, thus may never learn of the inappropriate behavior of the student teacher.

PEOPLE WITH ISSUES “Mummy Maxine” and her husband, Derek Ventham, run adult baby nurseries (the current one, in North Liverpool, England), charging men the equivalent of $115 an hour to lounge in their cribs, in mansized infant clothing, while being fawned over as if they were helpless pre-toddlers.

(No sex play is allowed, but diaper-changing costs about $40 extra.) Even tamer is the “adult preschool” in New York City that Michelle Lapidos and a partner intend to start soon. A month-long course will allow grownups to “relive their pre-K days” with finger-painting, show-and-tell and nap time, she told the Village Voice in January, all while dressing in “your 4-year-old best.”

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Surveillance video released in February by the Irish Independent showed a smalltime burglar trying to break into a car at 1 a.m. in front of the Pheasant bar in Drogheda, Ireland, by smashing a window with a brick–but also showed that the brick rebounded and knocked the man out, bloodying him. Gerry Brady, owner of the bar, was just closing up and found the burglar dazed, but the man departed before police arrived. Only when Brady later viewed video of the front of his bar did he realize what the man had been up to. ■

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 16 S. Market St, Ste. 2K, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

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JEFFIE HARRIS

ehbrah@mauitime.com

E

h, Doc! I had an appointment scheduled with you one recent morning. I woke up early, rushed to drop off my husband at work, rushed my little boy to take him early to daycare so that I would be on time for my annual appointment with you. I live in Haiku and it’s a 30 minutes drive to get to your office. I got there on time, then was told to take a seat in the waiting room. I expected an approximate of 15 minutes delay, the usual. What I did not expect was to sit there for 15 minutes, then get taken to the examination room, get told to take my tops and bottoms off. “The doctor will be right here,” your assistant said, and then I waited there half-naked for another 40 minutes. Have you tried sitting naked in a cold room for 40 minutes, hoping someone might come in and talk to you? At the 50-minute mark I’d had enough, so I put my clothes back on and walked out. At the check-in counter, when I told the assistant that I wished to reschedule because I have a life and can’t wait any longer, I got the worst stinkeye look ever. Oh my God! How dare I stand up for myself! This is not Aloha. This is not okay. ■

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‘Huge Hot Topic’ To save Kaho‘olawe, the state Legislature considers ending its prohibition on commercial activities

By Anthony Pignataro ORIGINAL PHOTO BY ANDREW WRIGHT

T

he Hawaii statutes governing the island of Kaho‘olawe are very clear: “Commercial activity is prohibited in the reserve.” That’s it–no stipulations, conditions, sub-paragraphs. Just a clear, total ban on any and all commercial activities anywhere near Kaho‘olawe. And for many activists, residents and officials who care about the island that spent 50 years shuddering under U.S. Navy bombs, it’s a perfectly reasonable law.

“To many, Kaho‘olawe is a symbol of resilience, hope for the future of the Hawaiian Nation, and an opportunity to

10 MARCH 12, 2015

rebuild a cultural heritage,” said Colette Y. Machado, a Molokai resident and trustee with the Office of Hawaiian Affairs, in a Feb. 26, 2015 letter to the state Senate Ways and Means Committee. “The mission of the Kaho‘olawe Island Reserve Commission is to implement the vision for Kaho‘olawe Island in which the kino (body) of Kaho‘olawe is restored and na poe o Hawai‘i (the people of Hawai‘i) care for the land. The Commission has pledged to provide for the meaningful and safe use of Kaho‘olawe for the purpose of traditional and cultural practices of the native Hawaiian people and to undertake the res-

toration of the island and its waters.”

But now that law may change. A new amended version of Senate Bill 897– which originally appropriated $6 million to the Kaho‘olawe Island Reserve Commission (KIRC)–now includes language that legalizes “limited revenue-generating activities” on the island to support “the rehabilitation and environmental restoration of the island reserve” (the dollar amount of the appropriation has also been changed to, well, a blank). The bill would go into effect in 2050.

What those activities are, and how much money they might bring in, are

not specified in the bill (an earlier amendment referred to them as “commercial activities” and much of the testimony that follows refers to them as such). Are we talking surf schools, casinos, parasailing and guided tours?

Remember that something like 90 percent of the island still hasn’t been completely cleared of spent ordinance. Who knows, though a brief Senate Hawaiian Affairs Committee report on the bill does list other places around the world that Kaho‘olawe might follow.

“Your Committee finds the need to support the financial viability of the Kaho‘olawe

PHOTO COURTESY KIRC

Not a visitor map

the KIRC has lived off a $44 million trust fund. But that money’s running out, according to the state Auditor’s Office, which issued a detailed report on the reserve’s financial state in 2013. The state Auditor also concluded that the KIRC was attempting to fulfill an “ill-defined” mission with little long-term funding plans.

“The commission’s vision for the island is one where ‘forest and shrublands of native plants and other biota clothe its slopes and valleys,’” states the 2013 state Auditor’s report. “How many years and how much money it will take to realize this vision has not been clearly articulated. According to one of the commission’s planning documents, restoration efforts could last 40 to 400 or even 4,000 years.”

Last month, acting state Auditor Jan K. Yamane submitted written testimony on SB 897 to the Senate’s Hawaiian Affairs and Ways and Means Committees. Though the testimony doesn’t mention legalizing commercial activities on Kaho‘olawe, it does say that merely appropriating more money isn’t a solution.

“Although it has cut its budget, it continues to deplete the trust fund and at its

PHOTO BY JUSTIN ORNELLAS

Island reserve Commission,” states the report. “In addition to appropriating funds, it is the committee’s hope that the Kaho‘olawe Island Reserve Commission be able to emulate the models for areas such as the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands, Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale Marine National Sanctuary [sic], Marae of New Zealand, and other similar models which utilize limited commercial activities to help the [sic] achieve financial sustainability.”

According to KIRC officials, the reason for such potentially drastic action is simple: the reserve is running out of money.

“The state [of Hawaii] has never allocated money to the KIRC, to the restoration of Kaho‘olawe,” said Kelly McHugh, the KIRC’s public information officer. “They want this to be a partnership. They just really want to know that they’re putting a long-term, sustainable plan into effect.”

All of this comes at a time when KIRC’s two-year effort aimed at restoring the Hakioawa watershed on Kaho‘olawe is nearly done. The project involved 600 volunteers working 12,000 hours to put 20,000 native plants into the ground, according to a Feb. 26 KIRC newsletter. The funding for the project came from the state Department of Health Clean Water Branch and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).

“The Clean Water Act funding and the overwhelming number of volunteers that have donated their time and energy to this project have been instrumental to furthering our mission to protect, preserve and restore the Reserve’s historical, archaeological and environmental resources,” said KIRC Executive Director Michael Naho‘opi‘i in the newsletter. “With their support, the Commission has broken new ground in developing innovative solutions to overcome physical and logistical challenges that no other State agency or organization in Hawai’i has faced in an endeavor that is for the future of Hawai‘i and its people.”

The erosion at Hakioawa–which KIRC estimates at 1.9 million tons of soil per year–is due to the island’s history as both a massive ranch for goats and, during World War II and the Cold War, a U.S. Navy bombing range. KIRC used native plants to help restore the island’s ecosystem in its plan to stop the erosion–one step in a very large project aimed at returning some measure of self-sufficiency to the island.

Since 1994, when the U.S. Navy conveyed Kaho‘olawe to the State of Hawaii,

Words of wisdom

version of SB 897 doesn’t mention which “limited revenue-generating activities” would be acceptable on Kaho‘olawe because no one really knows what they are. What’s more, she said they probably wouldn’t be thrashed out before the end of the current legislative session.

“The next step with us is to sit down

“In addition to appropriating funds, it is the committee’s hope that the Kaho‘olawe Island Reserve Commission be able to emulate the models for areas such as the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands, Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale Marine National Sanctuary [sic], Marae of New Zealand, and other similar models which utilize limited commercial activities to help the [sic] achieve financial sustainability.” current rate of spending, the trust fund will be completely exhausted by 2016,” Yamane wrote. “While this measure will appropriate needed funds to the depleting trust fund for fiscal year 2016-2017, it does not address the commission’s rate of spending and inability to successfully raise funds to preserve the trust.”

McHugh said that the current amended

with the staff and brainstorm what these commercial activities might be,” McHugh said. McHugh speculated that one possible “activity” might be some sort of college course taught on the island that is funded through tuition.

“We know this is a huge hot topic,” McHugh added. “And we know many of our commissioners are trepidatious as to what it could mean.”

It’s hot, to say the least. The Legislature’s website is packed with testimony on SB 897, and a considerable amount of it expresses great support for the bill’s original version and strong opposition to the amended language.

“We strongly support the state fulfilling its responsibility to fund the KIRC,” Joshua Kaakua, a member of Protect Kaho‘olawe Ohana, said in his Feb. 26 testimony before the Senate Ways and Means Committee. “We submitted testimony in support of the original wording of SB 897, and we stand by that support for the original version of SB 897. However, consistent with our longstanding position, we strongly oppose the amendments in SB897 S.D. 1 that would allow commercial uses of the island and its surrounding waters,

especially the elimination of the wording ‘Commercial uses shall be strictly prohibited.’ in HRS 6K-3(b).”

Colette Machado (who offered her testimony as a private citizen) agreed with Kaakua in her own testimony. “I stand firm with the Protect Kaho‘olawe Ohana’s longstanding position regarding commercial activities,” she wrote in her Feb. 25 letter. “I support the original wording of Hawaii Revised Statue [sic] and oppose any compromise to allow ‘limited commercial activities.’”

Other activists who would otherwise support SB 897 expressed similar frustrations.

“I support the intent of this bill to help increase the capacity of KIRC to continue sustainably,” said Bobby-John Campbell in testimony emailed to the WAM Committee on Feb. 25. “I am, however, slightly concerned with the commercial activities clause. I would prefer more specific language targeting not simply ‘commercial activities,’ but activities not in contrary [sic] to KIRC’s existing goals under this chapter, which also create a sustainable source of revenue for rehabilitation/restoration efforts.”

Davianna Pomaikai McGregor is a University of Hawaii social sciences professor member of Protect Kaho‘olawe Ohana.

“I would say this is disappointing that we can’t as a state, as a whole, recognize a place is sacred,” she told me. “Not everything needs to be commodified.”

Like McHugh, McGregor speculated that KIRC could raise money through tuition-funded education programs. “I think there are partnerships that the Kahoolawe Island Reserve can develop to share costs with users,” she said. “But just saying ‘limited commercial activities’ is too broad. It opens the door too wide.”

What happens next is unknown. While SB 897 contains the commercial language, its House of Representatives counterpart– HB 438–does not. And while McHugh said KIRC staff would work on defining “limited revenue-generating activities” in advance of the next commission meeting, she couldn’t say exactly when that meeting would take place. “It was originally scheduled for the 17th of March, but there’s some question as to whether we’ll have a quorum,” she said. ■ editor@mauitime.com For more coverage, visit: mauitime.com/news

MARCH 12, 2015

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Food & Drink

by Jen Russo

Foodie News WINEDUCATION

cated tastes to the test, and got special pricing on the wines we tasted.

After last Tuesday’s installment I learned lots of tasty tidbits, like what “cuvee” means and why a full-bodied wine like a Cab should be served with lamb over a medium body (it’s all about overpowering gaminess and mouthfeel).

If you have no idea what I am saying, just come to class next Tuesday at 6pm.

Reserve your space by phone or go to the Wine Corner to sign up.

149 Hana Hwy., Paia 808-579-8904 Mauiwinecorner.com

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

I’ve always want to learn more about wine, and its ever-expanding universe of grapes, terroir and climates. But like most people, my reason is simple: I just want to make a better choice at the store or restaurant. And for that, the new wine class at Da Vine Art is ideal.

Maui boy Rodney Rodrigues is the teacher, and he’s the most unassuming of grape geeks. He’s not a sommelier–not that he couldn’t be one, just that it’s not what he does. For a few years, he was the wine buyer at Whole Foods Kahului, and he also works at Mama’s Fish House. His whole purpose in class is to teach you how to make better wine purchasing decisions, and he makes it fun, too.

The class starts with a loose theme.

Last week it was Sauvignon Blancs and Pinot Noir, and this week it was Chardonnay and Cabs. Next week it will be wines not made in the US, with bubbles the week after that. The tasting

COW PIG BUN MULE MONDAYS AND KNIFE FIGHTS Cow Pig Bun is giving us another reason to holoholo at their fine establishment with Mule Mondays. In fact, CPB gives us an

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PAU WEDNESDAYS AT DAZOO It’s getting so that I can’t wait for the third Wednesday of the month to see what professional bar man Jimmy Shoemaker is going to come up with for Pau Night at Dazoo. This week’s installation falls on the day after St. Patrick’s Day, so pull up your green hose for a second go-round with the luck of the Irish for Jimmy’s St. Patty’s post mortem.

The cocktail list for the once-a-month Pau Night is not on the regular Dazoo cocktail menu. It’s simply 30 days worth of Shoemaker scheming since the last event.

Handmade shrubs, herbs and locally made spirits are the name of the game. Given

wine class excuse to make Monday the Funday with a copper mug workout after the day job ends.

What’s a mule? CPB stirs Pau Vodka in with a Cock and Bull Ginger Beer, adding a few special herbs and spices. It’s guaranteed to be better than that bowl of cereal you had for Monday’s breakfast.

What’s more is you can get to keep the mug and get it refilled.

Let the swanky ambiance and delicious smells coming off the grill tempt you into into pupus and dinner. Cow Pig Bun also hosts the monthly phenomenon known as Knife Fights, featuring two chefs battling it out head to head in their stadium kitchen. Using a common ingredient, the chefs are up against the clock and have to concoct three dishes for the panel of judges that taste and score the dishes. This Saturday, March 14, Chef Gary Johnson of Ka‘ana Kitchen and Justin Pardo of Market

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia 808-579-9999 ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit: mauitime.com/food-drink

PHOTO BY SEAN M. HOWER

goes through five wines, and there’s a blind tasting at the end. I always hated blind tasting until this class. Rodrigues guided us through the tasting protocols, and then we decided as a group what we were drinking. No pressure.

The lesson also touches on the kind of food you want to pair with the wine you’re drinking. There are also snacks to go along with the wine tasting–gourmet cheese, meats, crackers and organic fruits.

Da Vine Art’s Tyler Woodard puts those together and explains them during the class.

Bits of dry salami, mountain apple, dill chevre, fig, pecorino romano and organic strawberry were just some of the beautiful munchies they provided.

The space is intimate at Da Vine Art, which makes it feels like the perfect spot to learn about wine (having a wine store next door helps a lot). After the lesson, we went next door to put our newly sophisti-

that the same guys that make Pau Vodka now offer Paniolo Bourbon as well, they’re down with brown cocktails, too.

This Wednesday, Shoemaker will be swizzling Lucky Charms milk with Paniolo bourbon in a milk punch-inspired drink that also features a crazy tangerine shrub sugar rim. Shoemaker usually has a light bubbly drink, and this time it has notes of lavender and Lokelani sparkling rose.

In other news, Dazoo’s new hours started in March. They open at 5pm on weekdays for dinner. During the day, head to the Dazoo bakery for pastries, breads and sandwiches. On weekends, brunch is 9am to 3pm. Then they close from 3-5pm and re-open at 5pm for dinner.

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A&E

by Jen Russo

Black Rock Nights The Sheraton Maui offering new menus, restaurants and nightlife Sheraton is also hosting great events this year, starting with their Ultimate Ocean Cocktail contest. Five finalists from the state will shake it off at the showdown on April 11. Each finalist will also be paired with a chef. Attendees get to sample both.

Celebrity chefs participating in the event include Lee Ann Wong from Koko Head Café in Kaimuki, Shawn Gavin from the St. Regis Princeville, Sheldon Simeon from Migrant in Wailea, Hank

in these rooms offer plenty of places to stretch out, and ample sleeping arrangements with a king bed or two double beds, as well as a pull-down wall bed, couch, coffee table and two televisions.

The bathroom has two sinks and there’s also a wet bar area with a microwave.

Kama’aina rates start at $185/night. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more A&E stories, visit: mauitime.com/entertainment

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he Sheraton Maui’s claims to fame is that they were one of the first resorts in Ka‘anapali and have put on a traditional cliff dive ceremony at sunset since 1963.

Today, they’re trailblazing new menus, restaurants and nightlife scene, as well as hosting some of the best cocktail and foodie forward events this year.

The resort recently added a new restaurant, Hank’s Haute Dogs. Hank’s already has a following in Kaka‘ako, where Henry Adaniya invented his gourmet hot dog concept. His dogs are serious–the Chicago Dog is authentic, shipped in from the Windy City and

Cliff Dive Grill

fully equipped with very green relish, celery salt and sport peppers. The Hawaiian Dog is Portuguese sausage stuffed into Portuguese sweet bread with pineapple relish. There’s even a gourmet veggie version called a No Dog. Sides include truffle cheese fries, truffle mac and cheese and chili fries.

The menus at Cliff Dive Bar and the Black Rock Kitchen (formerly Black Rock Steak and Seafood) are also getting updated and tweaked. What’s more, Sheraton answered guests requests for a little nightlife with their new Black Rock Lounge. Starting at 10pm and going to 2am on Friday, Saturday and Sundays, resident DJ Big Mike spins Top 40, house, EDM and Electro House. Sundays are service industry nights and feature half-off sushi and drink specials.

In-Room Dining

Adaniya from Hank’s Haute Dogs in Kaka‘ako, Will Chen From HiFreshBox in Manoa and Andrew Le from The Pig and the Lady in Honolulu. Entertainment for the evening will include a performance by CrazyFingers. Event ticket holders will have free entry to the afterparty at the Black Rock Lounge.

The Flavors of Hawaii table-to-farm series will highlight the bounty of Maui with an elegant multi-course dinner from Chef Greg Gaspar. Then the backstory is highlighted with a trip to the farm the next day.

The Maui Craft Session will highlight craft beer and whiskey in August. The Maui Nui Luau show, Sheraton’s very own, is offered Mondays and Wednesdays.

The hotel closed from 1995 to 1997 for a two-year, $160 million makeover.

The do-over added several new buildings, both up on Black Rock adjacent to it. The rooms have quite a selection of categories: resort view, partial ocean to deluxe ocean front, ohana suites, junior suites, deluxe ocean front suites and the Ali’i suite.

The ohana suites and junior suites really make it viable for a family staycation with kids. The luxurious 665 square feet

EVENTS Ultimate OCEAN Cocktail Saturday, April 11; 6-9pm Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa’s Ocean Lawn.

Flavors of Hawaii Table to Farm May 23-24 Fresh Island Herbs & Maui Wines October 23-24 Lona Ridge Honey Maui Craft Session, Aug. 8 LATE NIGHTS AT BLACK ROCK LOUNGE • Pure Friday: Top 40, House, & EDM 10pm-2am. Resident DJ Big Mike, Free parking, no cover before 11pm, $10 cover after 11pm • House Party Saturdays: House, Trap, & Electro House 10pm-2am. Resident DJ Big Mike & DJ Kamikaze: Free parking, no cover before 11pm, $10 cover after 11pm • SIN (Service Industry Night) Sundays: Top 40, House, & EDM, 9pm1am. Resident DJ Big Mike, Free parking, no cover, $1 shot and $3 drink specials, half price sushi bar CLIFF DIVE CEREMONY 6:15pm through April 30

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Picks

by Marina Satoafaiga

This Weeks Picks THURSDAY, TH T H U R SD HU MAR. 12

FRIDAY, MAR. 13

THE BEST OF BEEF AND BOURBON – Whip up a seven-course meal this Thu Thursday with Sugar Beach Events’ Chef Lee. This episode of Cooking on Ma Maui with Chef Lee will feature bourbon: Bourbon braised short ribs, bourbon str strip steak, grilled pork chop with a bourbon mustard glaze and bread pudding wit with a bourbon coffee caramel sauce, to be exact. Chefs will go home with a rrecipe and valuable tips from Chef Lee herself. This is one feast you won’t ha have to clean up after, but closed toes shoes required. 21+. $95. 5:30-9pm.

S Sugar Beach Events Hawaii (85 N. Kihei Rd.); 808-856-6151, SugarB BeachEventsHawaii.com. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

LAHAINA SECOND FRIDAY – Head west for Lahaina Second Friday Town Party and Ka Lima O Maui’s dance benefit this Friday. Tourists and kama’aina alike are welcome to enjoy champagne and live music at any participating gallery on Front Street. Learn more about the Westside’s history with candlelight tours of the historic Baldwin Home Museum (6-8:30pm) and Wo Hing Museum. Be sure to stop at the Lahaina Visitor Center to pick up your free Art Map and take advantage of restaurant specials. Stop in at Sugar Cane Maui and proceeds ($5 cover) benefit Kaa Lima O Maui. 6-9pm.Lahaina (Front St.) Mauifridays.com.

FRIDAY, F FR R IID DAY, M MAR. 13 INSTITUTE OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC INFO SESSION – Deepen your knowledge of Hawaiian music and sharpen your technical skills this Friday during The Institute of Hawaiian Music at UH Maui College’s info night. The program boasts an impressive list of guest mentors including Keali‘i Reichel, Jake Shimabukuro and Barry Flanagan. In addition, prospective students will audition for the program with a six-minute performance on Mar. 28. 4-6pm. Ka‘a‘ike Building, Room 105 CD (310 W. Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3622, Maui.hawaii.edu/ihm. Photo courtesy IHM

‘HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2’ – The Maui Arts and Cultural Center presents Dreamworks’ How To Train Your Dragon 2 this Friday on their amphitheater lawn. Can Hiccup and Toothless help keep the peace after discovering more wild dragons? Bring your lowbacked beach chairs and blankets. Dinner and snacks will be available for purchase. Arrive early (5:30pm) for live music and movie-themed activities. Free. 7pm movie. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauiarts.org. Photo: Movieweb.com

FRIDAY, MAR. 13 SYMPHONY OF THE SOIL – The Merwin Conservancy presents the film Symphony of the Soil this Friday at the MACC. The film, by Deborah Koons Garcia, journeys across four continents to explore the role soil plays in life. The film touches on farming, development and science to explain how soil connects with happiness. Koons Garcia’s first documentary, The Future of Food, explored genetic engineering and corporate domination over our food supply. Proceeds will benefit The Merwin Conservancy. The evening will also feature a Q&A with Koons Garcia. $35 GA/ $10 students. 6:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, McCoy Studio Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy SOS

QUEEN KA‘AHUMANU FESTIVAL – Celebrate the Queen Ka‘ahumanu Festival this Friday and Saturday at the Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center in Kahului.

Friday will feature the ‘Ahahu Ka‘ahumanu Society, a lei-draping over the mall’s statue, song, dance and more (6pm). Saturday continues with more entertainment (11am2pm). Known as King Kamehameha I’s favorite wife, the celebrated monarch was also the most powerful. Pay homage to the trailblazer and Maui native. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center (275 W Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Queenkaahumanucenter.com. Photo courtesy QKC

SATURDAY, MAR. 14 SENIORS RUMMAGE SALE – Benefit from Hale Mahaolu Akahi seniors’ spring cleaning this Saturday. The Aloha Akahi Senior Club invites the public to sift through their rummage sale. One person’s trash could be your treasure. 7am. Hale Mahaolu (200 Hina Ave., Kahului); 808-8724100, Halemahaolu.org. Photo: Flickr/moriamerri

TINSEL TOWN NIGHT – This Saturday, Montessori Hale O Keiki presents their seventh annual Tinsel Town Nights. This year’s event will feature Burn’n Love’s Darren Lee, smartphone-capable bidding and more. Guests will be treated to the flavors of Manoli’s Pizza Company, Sarento’s on the Beach, Nick’s Fishmarket and Son’z at Swan Court. DJ Dan Weisman will provide the evening’s beats. Proceeds will benefit MHOK’s tuition aid program. $185+. 5:30pm registration. Manoli’s Pizza Company (100 Wailea Ike Dr.), Mhok.org. Photo courtesy Burn’n Love

SATURDAY, SA S AT TU U RD R DAY AY, MAR. 14 BOOK TRUST EXTRAVAGANZA – Test your luck during the BO third annual Book Trust Extravaganza, Casino Royale-edition this Saturday at Mala Wailea. It’s an annual fundraiser for Book Trust Hawaii, and guests can wheel and deal at casino favorites. The evening will feature a menu specially cr crafted

by Sheldon Simeon. All the night’s proceeds will ben benefit the Book Trust and their efforts to improve literacy levP els. Push your luck for a worthwhile cause. $150-5,000. 5:30M 9pm. Mala Wailea (3700 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-280-1476, Booktrus Booktrust.org/casinoroyale.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

SATURDAY, SATURD R DA RD AY Y, MAR. 14

GO FOR THE GREEN – The Rotary Club of Lahaina invites you to the green for their Go For The Green St. Patrick’s Day shindig at the Royal Lahaina Resort. A nine-hole shotgun scramble, registration (1:30pm) will kick off with a tailgate party complete with bagpipes, brews and pupus. A dinner and dance will follow. Proceeds will benefit the Rotary Club of Lahaina’s recycling, service projects and education efforts. $75-700. 3-10pm. Royal Lahaina Resort (2780 Keka’a Dr., Ka’anapali); 808-669-5200, Facebook.com/rotarycluboflahainasunset.org. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

TUESDAY, MAR. 17

A TASTE OF SARDINIA – Hop aboard the Kai Kanani this Saturday with award-winning Chef Christopher Kulis of The Market Maui for “A Taste of Sardinia.” Get comfy on the boat as the evening will feature pupu, winepairing and live music from Max Angel Becerra. Guests will depart beach front of the Makena Beach and Golf Resort. $119. 4:15-6:30pm. Kai Kanani Sailing Charters (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-879-7218, Kaikanani.com. Photo courtesy Kai Kanani

LEPRECHAUN CHASE – The St. Patrick’s Day Races return this Tuesday with a three-mile walk/run and 100-meter keiki dash. Participants will have many opportunities to win. Catch the leprechaun or dress up in your best green gear for a chance to win a prize. First female and male overall winner will win cash. Post-race celebrations include music, awards and drinks. 4pm Registration. 5:30pm race. $20-40. Kahului Ale House (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului), Mauirunning.com. Photo: RandyHI.com

WEDNESDAY, MAR. 18

TUESDAY, MAR. 17 ROOTS SCHOOL BENEFIT – Dust off your tam o’shanter and shimmy on down to Rock & Brews for a St. Patty’s Day benefit for ROOTS School. This Tuesday when you dine, a portion of proceeds will benefit the Haiku project-based private school.

Stroll the silent auction and don’t forget to strap on your favorite cap. 5-9pm. Rock & Brews Paia (120 Hana Hwy., Paia), Rootsmaui.com. Photo: MauiTime

BLOGGING BASICS 101 – Have you been meaning to resurrect your old blog? Or do you just want to learn how to blog?

Well, the Maui County Business Resource Center is presenting a Blogging Basics 101 class this Wednesday. Nicole Fisher will guide students through strategy, the various blog platforms and more. With an extensive background in marketing and social media, Fisher will also give students tips to successful blogging with a 15-minute Q&A at the end. RSVP required. $45. 12-1:30 pm. (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-873-8247. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

MARCH 12, 2015 17

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18 MARCH 12, 2015

Locals and visitors depend on MauiTime to find out “Where to Go” and “What to Eat.” Our upcoming special FOOD ISSUE is YOUR chance to reach MauiTime’s exclusive readership. Remember, people just like you and your employees refer restaurants to visitors and other locals every day. Be on the tip of their tongue as our island’s busy season rolls around. Don’t miss your chance to be part of this very special FOOD ISSUE.

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Film

by Barry Wurst II

Hotel Chain ‘The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’ is very sweet but mostly unnecessary ★★★★★ Rated PG / 122 Min.

I

t’s only fitting that the sequel to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is about franchising, since the story deals with the hotel’s manager, Sonny Kapoor, wanting to make a chain. Most of the original cast returns, particularly Judi Dench as the earthy Evelyn, Maggie Smith as the crotchety Muriel, Bill Nighy as the sweet but romantically grounded Douglas and Celia Imrie as the perpetually amorous Madge. The elderly group, who make up the hotel’s clientele and mini-community, get into a tizzy when a mysterious stranger, played by Richard Gere, checks in. There’s also talk of a wedding for Sonny (Dev Patel), though his unsteady balance of hotel management and being a fiancée put this into question.

While watching this unnecessary but pleasant sequel, I thought of a conversation I once shared with my friend, mentor and former college acting teacher, Sanne McCarthy. In addition to being my director, and teaching me the value

of theater and the community it creates, Sanne was the first person to tell me about Legally Blonde, which she passionately recommended. I had no intention of seeing it (despite being a fan of Reese Witherspoon since her 1991 debut in The Man in the Moon) and was puzzled why Sanne was so big on the movie. What she told me I found so endearing: “That movie doesn’t have a mean bone in its body.”

I’ll say the same about this film, which, in addition to being so unusually warmhearted, is never cynical. It never makes good on any hints that the story might head in dark directions. Even when topics like divorce and infidelity surface, the tone never loses its soft touch.

There are lots of little scenes and subplots that aren’t fully developed and go nowhere, like an odd bit involving a husband who may have accidentally put a hit out on his wife. After the expected aging jokes and travelogue sequences, there’s still enough here to make it work.

Patel’s overly caffeinated Sonny is easier to take this time, as he has more to do than simply be the “wacky” manager. Gere is so loose and low-key that he’s a welcome

Why are we applauding for a new vending machine?

presence, even if his role doesn’t give him much to do. I missed Tom Wilkinson, whose character and journey was the best thing about the original. The emotional center this time is in Nighy’s character, who has a tough crisis to resolve. Nighy has a lovely chemistry with Dench and is such a splendid actor, he even sells the old comedy standby of a poorly reciting dialogue fed to him in an ear piece.

Dench has my favorite scene in the film, in which she and her business partner creatively gain the upper hand while dealing with a sexist linen seller. The dialogue is full of keepers, but Patel has the funniest line, where he comments on the oft-mentioned subject of Gere’s good looks.

The biggest problem is that it’s too long,

dragging its feet to an inevitable conclusion. Dench is truly luminous and the cast appear to be digging deep and not simply playing cute (as in the first installment).

While it balances the elderly and younger characters in ways accessible for both audience demographics, this is still the rare sequel aimed at older audiences. The film’s beauty and tender center are both rare and welcome, in a sequel that could have just been called Grumpier Old Tourists.

Thankfully, it’s better than both RED 2 and Cocoon The Return and finds joy and genuine warmth in returning to these characters. If there’s a third movie, I suggest The Expendables check in, making for a dream of an AARP crossgenerational team-up. ■

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Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Crazy Beautiful You- FRI-SAT 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:00 9:45, SUN-THU 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:00 Chappie-R- THU 12:00 2:40 4:20 5:20 7:00 8:00, FRI-SAT 10:45 12:00 1:25 2:40 4:20 5:20 7:05 8:00 9:35 10:30, SUN-WED 10:45 12:00 1:25 2:40 4:20 5:20 7:05 8:00 Fifty Shades of Grey-R- THU 11:15 2:00 4:50 7:35, FRI-THU 2:00 4:45 7:30 Kingsman: The Secret Service-R- THU 10:45 1:35 4:35 7:30, FRI-SAT 10:45 1:35 4:35 7:30 10:15, SUN-THU 10:45 1:35 4:35 7:30 The Lazarus Effect-PG13- THU 10:45 12:45 2:45 4:45 7:45, FRI-SAT 12:00 10:10, SUN-THU 12:00 McFarland USA-PG- THU 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:15, FRI-SAT 10:50 1:30 4:30 7:15 10:00, SUN-THU 10:50 1:30 4:30 7:15 Jupiter Ascending-PG13-THU 10:50 1:30

MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) Met Opera: La Donna Del Lago- NR- SAT 12:55, WED 6:30 Drop Box Presented By Focus On The Family-NR- MON 7:00 Cinderella-PG- FRI (11:10 11:30 11:50 1:20 1:50 2:20 4:10 4:40 5:10) 7:00 7:30 8:00 9:30 9:50 10:20, SAT (11:10 11:30 11:50 1:50 2:20 2:40) 4:40 5:10 5:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 9:30 9:50 10:20 SUN (11:20 11:30 12:00 1:20 1:50 2:20) 4:10 4:40 5:10 7:00 7:30 8:00 9:30 9:50 10:20 MON-TUE (11:10 11:30 11:50 1:20 1:50 2:20 4:10 4:40 5:10) 7:00 7:30 8:00 9:30 9:50 10:20, WED (11:10 11:30 11:50 1:20 1:50 2:20 4:20 4:40 5:10) 7:00 7:30 8:00 9:30 9:50 10:20,

NEW THIS WEEK CINDERELLA - PG - Drama/Adventure - You know the story: hot chick, evil step-sisters, dashing adventurer in the woods. 112 min.

CRAZY BEAUTIFUL YOU - NR - Drama/ Romance - A spoiled young girl travels with her mother on a medical mission and learns a lot about life. 114 min.

MET OPERA: LA DONNA DEL LAGO - NR - Music - See New York’s Metropolitan Opera perform Rossini’s La Donna Del Lago (The Lady in the Lake). 185 min.

RUN ALL NIGHT - R - Action/Crime - A hitman (Liam Neeson, of course) has one night to decide if he’s going to help his estranged son (Joel Kinnamon) or a murderous mob boss (Ed Harris). Decisions, decisions… 114 min.

NOW PLAYING AMERICAN SNIPER - R - Action/War Clint Eastwood directs this look at the story of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, the most successful sniper in American history. 132 min.

THU (11:10 11:30 11:50 1:20 1:50 2:20 4:10 4:40 5:10) 6:40 7:00 7:30 9:50 10:20 10:50 Run All Night-R- FRI (12:00 2:00 4:30) 7:50 10:20, SAT (12:00 2:00) 4:30 7:50 10:20, SUN (11:20 2:00) 4:30 7:50 10:20, MONTUE (12:00 2:00 4:30) 7:50 10:20, WED (12:00 2:00 5:10) 7:50 10:20, THU (11:30 2:30 4:30) 7:50 10:20 The Second Best Exotic Marigold HotelPG- THU (11:30 1:30 5:00) 7:10 10:20, FRI (11:10 1:40 4:50) 7:20 10:10, SAT-SUN (11:10 1:40) 4:50 7:20 10:10, MON-WED (11:10 1:40 4:50) 7:20 10:10, THU (11:40 1:40 4:50) 7:20 9:30 Unfinished Business-R- THU (11:20 2:30 4:40) 7:50 10:10, FRI (11:20 2:20 4:30) 7:40 10:00, SAT-SUN (11:20 2:20) 4:30 7:40 10:00, MON-TUE (11:20 2:20 4:30) 7:40 10:00, WED (11:20 2:20 4:30) 7:40 10:50, THU (11:20 2:20 4:30) 7:40 10:00 Focus-R- THU (11:40 2:00 2:30 5:00) 7:00 9:50, FRI (11:20 1:50 4:20) 6:50 9:30, SATSUN (11:20 1:50) 4:20 6:50 9:30, MON-TUE (11:20 1:50 4:20) 6:50 9:30, WED (11:20 1:50 4:20) 6:50 9:50, THU (11:20 1:50 4:20) 9:50 The Duff-PG13- THU (11:20 1:40 4:10) 6:40 9:20, FRI (11:20 2:50 5:20) 7:50 10:40, SATSUN (11:20 2:50) 5:20 7:50 10:40, MON-TUE (11:20 2:50 5:20) 7:50 10:40, WED (11:20 2:50 4:40) 7:50 10:40, THU (11:20 2:20) 6:30 Spongebob Squarepants:Sponge Out Of Water-PG- 2D THU (11:50 4:30) 9:40, FRI (11:30 4:50) 10:40, SAT (11:30) 4:10 10:40, SUN (11:30) 4:50 10:40, MON-TUE (11:30 4:50) 10:40, WED (11:30 4:20) 10:40, THU (11:30 4:50) 10:50. 3D FRI (2:30) 7:10, SAT (1:50) 6:40, SUN-TUE (2:30) 7:10, WED (2:30) 6:40, THU (2:30) 7:10 Still Alice-PG- THU (11:40 2:10 4:40) 7:10 10:00, FRI (1:40) 6:40, SUN-TUE (1:40)

6:40, WED-THU (1:40) Strange Magic-PG- THU (11:40 2:00 4:50) 6:50 9:50, FRI (11:40 2:10 4:40) 7:10 9:50, SAT (11:40 2:10) 4:40 7:10 9:50, SUN (12:00 2:10) 4:40 7:10 9:50, MON (11:40 2:10 4:40) 9:50, TUE-WED (11:40 2:10 4:40) 7:10 9:50, THU (11:40 2:10 4:40) Paddington-PG- THU (11:20 2:00 4:30) 7:20, FRI (11:10 4:10) 9:20, SAT 9:20, SUN (11:10) 4:10 9:20, MON-WED (11:10 4:10) 9:20, THU (11:10 4:10) American Sniper-R- THU (11:40 1:30 4:20) 6:50 9:50, FRI (11:20 1:30 4:40) 6:50 10:10, SAT (11:20 1:30) 4:40 6:50 10:10, SUN (1:30) 4:40 6:50 10:10, MON-WED (11:20 1:30 4:40) 6:50 10:10, THU (11:20 1:30 4:40) 7:00 9:20

CHAPPIE - R - SciFi/Thriller - A scary police droid goes rogue in the future and starts to think for itself. Oh, joy. 120 min.

A group of students experiment with raising the dead. What could go wrong? I mean, besides losing their grant funding... 83 min.

THE DROP BOX - NR - Documentary - Presented by the Christian-right nonprofit Focus on the Family, this movie tells the story of a South Korean pastor who cares for abandoned babies. 120 min.

MCFARLAND USA - PG - Drama - A small town cross country coach inspires his athletes to succeed. Made by Disney. Stars Kevin Costner and Maria Bello. 128 min.

THE DUFF - PG13 - Comedy - A high school senior plots to take down the in-crowd after they deem her a “Designated Ugly Fat Friend.” 100 min.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - R - Drama/ Fantasy - Some chick has crazy sex with a demented billionaire. 125 min.

FOCUS - R - Comedy/Crime/Drama - Will Smith is a veteran con man, Margot Robbie is a femme fatale who makes his life go sideways. At the very least, it’s gotta be better than After Earth. 104 min.

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE - R - Action/Comedy - A street kid gets recruited into a secret spy agency to fight some evil tech mastermind. 129 min.

THE LAZARUS EFFECT - PG13 - Thriller -

Taken 3-PG13- THU (11:30 2:10 4:50) 7:30 10:20 Black Or White-PG13- THU (11:20 4:10) Project Almanac-PG13- THU (11:20 1:50 4:20) 9:30

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) (This theater’s showtimes were partially unavailable at press time. Please call them directly for more info) Cinderella-PG- FRI-SUN (12:30) 3:30 6:30 9:30 Chappie-R- THU (12:30 3:30) 6:30 Unfinished Business-R- THU (1:00 4:00) 7:00 Focus-R- THU (12:45 3:45)

Cinderella opens this week

PADDINGTON - PG - Comedy/Family - A young bear from Peru gets lost in London. 95 min.

THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL - PG - Comedy/Drama - Sonny opens a second hotel when the first Best Exotic Marigold Hotel gets nearly booked up.

See this week’s film review 122 min.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: SPONGE OUT OF WATER - PG - Animation/Comedy - Spongebob fights a pirate in another dimension to find a stolen recipe. 93 min.

STILL ALICE - PG13 - Drama - Alice (Julianne Moore) is a linguistics professor who has to deal with the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease. 101 min.

STRANGE MAGIC - PG - Animation - You’ve got goblins, elves and fairies battling over some potion. Voices by Evan Rachel Wood,

Kristin Chenoweth and Elijah Kelley. 99 min.

UNFINISHED BUSINESS - R - Comedy Vince Vaughn, Dave Franco and Tom Wilkinson star in this story of a business trip that goes wild. 91 min.

LAST CHANCE BLACK OR WHITE - PG13 - Drama - A sad widower fights for custody of his granddaughter. 121 min.

JUPITER ASCENDING - PG13 - SciFi/ Adventure - A young caretaker (Mila Kunis) who’s also a child of destiny or something travels into space with some sort of space warrior dude (Channing Tatum) to stop an interstellar war. 127 min.

PROJECT ALMANAC - PG13 - Sci-Fi/Thriller - A group of teens build a time machine.

Hilarity ensues. 106 min.

TAKEN 3 - PG13 - Crime/Thriller - Here’s something original: a guy is accused of a murder he didn’t commit, and must now find the real killer to clear his name. Stars Liam Neeson and Famke Janssen. 109 min.

MARCH 12, 2015 21

by Alex Mitchell & Dayna Yamasaki

Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS CHALA - Fri, Mar 13. Q103 & Bass Yard Studios present Chala on the North Shore. The night will be full of aloha Reggae vibes and feature special guests Ekolu Kalama, Mishka, Jacob Abeytia, Officer Jerome, Doobie, Yaya Lioness and DJ/MC Irie Dole. Music starts at 10pm. $10 cover, 21 and over. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); Charleysmaui.com GODDESS GALA - Fri, Mar 13. Head Upcountry to celebrate EDM with an all-female Maui DJ lineup. Check out an opening acoustic set by Bentley Kallaway and dance your heart out to big and beautiful beats from Lovelace, Olivia Foxglove and Bass Nymph. Music starts at 9:30pm. $5/$10 cover, 21 and over. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); Casanovamaui.com FISH TANK & FRIENDS - Sat, Mar 14. This Saturday the North Shore gets Fish Tank and a huge array of musical guests. There will be special appearances

by Potluck featuring: James Boyd, Jason Cross, Pete Sebastian, Sean Robinson and Scott Hutton. You will also get a chance to hear members of A Kettle Prime–Peter Hamilton, Jonas Troxell, Tim Rausch and Russell Halverson. Show starts at 9pm. $5 cover, 21 and over. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); Charleysmaui.com BENEFIT CONCERT FOR JAYDEN - Sat, Mar 14. Support Jayden with a night of music featuring Mele Pono, Nuff Sedd, Hot Mess, Kaliko’s Way, TOLO and Marty Dread. There will also be a beer garden. $20 cover. Time TBA. Hard Rock Cafe (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2578

SPRING KEIKI CAMPS CAMP KALANUI - Mar 16-20, Mar 23-27. Don’t miss out on Maui’s most exciting and creative summer camp.

For ages 5+, Spring Camp Kalanui offers a diverse visual arts curriculum geared to stretch minds, exercise imaginations, keep the body active and introduce new idea-generating techniques. Call to register your child today. 9am-4pm. Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560.

KAMP KRAZY TALES - Mar 16-20. The Drama Queen (Kristi Scott) and Keyboard Kim (Kim Vetterli) are teaming up again to present a drama/music camp this spring for the keiki of Kihei and beyond. Young students will learn fun drama games and music techniques and the camp will culminate with a short performance for parents. Preregistration is required. No previous experience is necessary. $150 each week. 9am-12pm. ProArts Playhouse (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-463-6550.

DRAMA CAMP - Mar 16-20. Students ages 5-9 will make new friends while learning how to create characters, improvise and put on a short original play to share with family and friends on the last day. $195 per person. 9am-2pm. MAPA Studios (2027 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-8760; Mauiacademy.org DANCE CAMP - Mar 16-20. Rebecca Owen will be teaching students dance skills in ballet, jazz, hip hop, memorization, flexibility, coordination and teamwork. Geared for students ages 6-10. Beginners welcome. The camp culminates in a performance for family and friends. $195 per person.

9am-2pm. MAPA Studios (2027 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-8760; Mauiacademy.org PRINCESS DANCE CAMP - Mar 16-20. Kathleen Schultz will be teaching princesses ages 3-5 about different princess related dancing, stories, activities and crafts. Princesses are encouraged to bring their imagination and favorite princess gear. No experience necessary. $125 per person.

9am-12pm. MAPA Studios (2027 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-8760; Mauiacademy.org

22 MARCH 12, 2015

STAGE ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 14 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful and entertaining cultural education on Maui. $29.99 Keiki / $59.99 adults. Children 5 and under are free.

Kama‘aina and military rates, dinner, and VIP packages are available. 5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com BURN’N LOVE–A MUSICAL JOURNEY STARRING DARREN LEE - Daily. Experience Elvis in Hawaii with Burn’n Love. Relive the nostalgia of Blue Hawaii and the Aloha from Hawaii live broadcast that made TV history with the most authentic Elvis tribute show ever presented on stage. Shows Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 8pm. Tickets start at $59.99; kama‘aina and military prices are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 8pm Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com

FOODIE SUGAR CANE MARCH COMMUNITY EVENT - Fri, Mar 13. Sugar Cane will be supporting Ka Lima O Maui with proceeds from the evening.

Since 1955, Ka Lima O Maui has been the island’s largest employer of persons with disabilities. Master Chef Philippe Chin will be leading the culinary team and will recreating classic Hawaiian dishes. Dancing and fun will be led by DJ Brandon Kent. Make your reservation by phone or email.

Sugar Cane Maui (736 Front St., Lahaina); 808214-6662; Sugarcanemaui.com JAPENGO SATURDAY SUSHI SCHOOL - (Every 2nd and 4th Sat.) Join Japengo’s sushi chef in their chic sushi lounge. Learn how to create Japengo’s signature sushi rolls from scratch, with hands-on instruction from Chef Jay and Japengo’s team of expert sushi chefs. $50 per person (includes sushi, non-alcoholic beverages, tax and gratuity). Maximum 20 people per class, reservations are required. Every second and fourth Saturday of every month. 3-4:30pm Japengo at the Hyatt Regency, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4727; Maui.hyatt.com FARM TO TABLE DINING - (Every Sat.) Feast on the abundant harvest of a freshly picked vegetarian meal made from only the purest, chemical and pesticide free ingredients, accompanied by Maui Sacred Earth Soothing Herbal Tea Blend. Menu varies depending on what’s available for harvest.

Call for reservations. $25, $20 kama‘aina. 6-8pm.

Ahimsa Sanctuary Farm (4505 Hana Hwy., Haiku); 808-283-8057; Ahimsasanctuaryfarm.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - (Every Sun.) Enjoy a healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first-come, first-served and does sell out. Ko (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; Fairmont.com PULEHU BAR–WINE SOCIAL EVENTS (Every Sun & Mon.) Book ahead of time for this fabulous weekly event. Sixteen people maximum will enjoy three award-winning wines, one bite to eat and great conversation with new friends.

5-5:45pm. For reservations, please visit Opentable.com. Pulehu Italian Grill, Westin Ka‘anapali Ocean Resort Villas. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali).

VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - (Every 3rd Tuesday). See, and sample how chefs use local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfast and desserts. No registration required. For a jumpstart on the class, check out more than 600 healthy recipes online. Free. 5-6pm. Down To

Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-877-2661; Downtoearth.org

Dimensional, Photography and Mixed Media). Entry form online. Free. Old Jail Gallery (648 Wharf St #103, Lahaina); 808-661-0111; Lahainaarts.com

ART

I LOVE MAUI - Thru April 2015. Art Project Paia presents the annual “I Love Maui” show featuring many artists with pieces highlighting the island of Maui. Art Project Paia (77 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-214-6949

ISLAND ART PARTY CLASSES - Wed-Sat. Art Party from 6:30-9:30pm, Sunday Morning Art Party 10am-1pm. It’s part art party, part painting class. Island Art Party (1279 S. Kihei Rd.), 808419-6020; Islandartparty.com RICHARD DIGIACOMO - Every Thu in Mar. Richard DiGiacomo, of Russian and Italian descent, is an accomplished artist who is known for his innovative approach to color. For more than 35 years, he has worked with celebrities, noted interior designers and leading institutions. Free.

11am-3pm. Maui Hands Gallery - Makawao (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008.

MORT LUBY - Every Tue & Wed in March. Mort Luby studied art at the Universities of Notre Dame and Chicago. He paints in oil and watercolor. The scope of his work encompasses everything from life drawings to huge oil paintings of historical scenes.

Free. (Tuesday) 1-4pm. Maui Hands Gallery - Paia (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245. (Wednesday) Free. 5-8pm. Maui Hands Gallery - Hyatt Regency (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Lahaina); 808-667-7997.

WATERCOLOR PAINTING CLASS - Beginning watercolor class with H. Lee Shapiro. All levels of experience welcome. 10am-12:30pm. Kalama Heights Senior Center (101 Kanani Rd., Kihei); 808-810-0458 VICTORIA WUNDRUM - Every Fri in Mar. A multi-talented artist, Victoria Wundrum paints beautifully in watercolor, oil, acrylic and pastel and also creates jewelry and mixed media constructions. Free. 4:30-7:30pm. Maui Hands Gallery Lahaina (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898.

GUY BUFFET - Mar 13, 18 & 20. Guy Buffet’s whimsical chefs and waiters have become cultural icons. Free. 6:30-9:30pm. Lahaina Galleries (828 Front St., Lahaina); Lahainagalleries.com MEET THE ARTISTS - Watch local artists work their magic. This week you can talk story with feather art and jewelry artist Ellen Levinsky on Tuesday and photographer Blake Hill on Wednesday. Free. 10am-2pm. Lahaina Arts Society Banyan Tree Gallery (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808661-0111; Lahainaarts.com SCHAEFER PORTRAIT CHALLENGE 2015 Thru Mar 22. A fascinating exhibit that has been featured at Schaefer since 2003, the Schaefer Portrait Challenge 2015 opens this Tuesday. A statewide juried competition, the exhibit includes 66 works by 64 artists from Oahu, Kauai, Lanai, Big Island and Maui. Artists were encouraged to depict the people and stories of our islands through explorations in portraiture. Free. Tuesday to Sunday 10am-5pm. Schaefer International Gallery (One Cameron Way, Kahului); Mauiarts.org INSIGHTS AND EXPLORATIONS - Thru Mar 25. Here’s a select group of women who are honored as contemporary artists in Hawaii, standing out for their masterful craftsmanship and unique vision. Artists include Christine Turnball, Diana Lehr, Chenta Laury, Abigail Romachack, Christy Vail and Kathy Sakai. Free. Viewpoints Gallery (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-5979 37TH ANNUAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR ART COMPETITION - Thru Apr 4. Graduating High School Seniors from Maui County are welcome to submit their art for exhibition and consideration in the scholarship competition. Entries must be dropped off Saturday, April 4 10am-3pm, or Sunday April 5 10am-3pm. Each participating High School Senior may drop off one (1) entry for each of the five (5) categories (Painting, Drawing, Three-

TICKETS ON SALE ‘WE WAIT IN DARKNESS’ - Thu, Mar 19. Choreographer dancer Rosy Simas, recipient of 2013 Native Arts & Cultures Foundation dance fellowship, delved into her grandmother’s Seneca culture and its matrilineal society as inspiration for this new art/dance performance, created in collaboration with composer François Richomme.

Within an environment of images and sounds from Seneca lands, she takes the audience on a journey that engages past and future to make a personal statement about loss, family, perseverance and home. Tickets are $12, $32, and $42.

Show starts at 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org LEGENDS & GHOSTS IN HAWAII - Fri, Mar 20. Join storyteller Lopaka Kapanui as he asks, “Are Hawaii’s gods and ghosts a thing of the past, or do they still exist today?” A native Hawaiian, Lopaka Kapanui has been described by many as one of Hawaii’s foremost storytellers.

Following in the footsteps of his close friend and mentor Glen Grant, he shares his knowledge of Hawaii, masterfully weaving the tales of old Hawaii with passion and mystery. Tickets are $20.

Starts at 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org KUPAOA - Sat, Mar 21. The Na Hoku Hanohano Award-winning talents of Kellen Paik and Lihau Hannahs Paik embody the name they’ve chosen for their musical presence. While the sound of the music entices the ear, the content of their selections will also engage the heart and mind. Tickets are $30. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org MAUI POPS GOES TO THE BALLET - Sun, Mar 22. The Maui Academy of Performing Arts (MAPA) partners with the Maui Pops orchestra and Music Director James Durham to present the comic ballet Coppelia with music by Delibes. Premiering in Paris in 1870, it has become one of the most popular ballets of all time. Selected scenes from the ballet, with MAPA dancers, will fill half of the concert; the orchestra will perform selections from Verdi, Mendelssohn and Stravinsky in the other half. Tickets are $15-50. 3pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org RICHARD THOMPSON - Fri, Mar 27. Richard Thompson returns to Maui as part of The MACC’s “Solo Sessions.” Thompson was a founding member of the seminal folk-rock band Fairport Convention, and has just completed recording his latest release, produced by Jeff Tweedy of WILCO fame.

In 2011, Thompson was presented the prestigious O.B.E. (Order of the British Empire) by Queen Elizabeth. Tickets are $30-65. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org NEW YORK POLYPHONY - Sun, Mar 29.

Praised by National Public Radio for a “rich, natural sound that’s larger and more complex than the sum of its parts,” New York Polyphony is regarded as the pre-eminent male classical vocal quartet in early and new music, and one of the finest vocal chamber ensembles in the world. Tickets are $12,

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/12

3/13

3/14

3/15

3/16-3/18

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

SIN w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm

Frisky Friday w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

Saturday Night Diva w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

Sunday Sessions w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm

MON-Movies & Games w/ DJ Firefly, TUE- St. Patty’s Day w/ DJ TRVR 10pm, WED-Wine Down Wednesday w/ DJ, 10pm

Adam Masterson

Benny Uyetake

Johnny Ringo

Will Hertzog

MON-Dave Carrol, TUE-Jordon Cuddy, WEDJustin Philips

Goddess Gala EDM w/ Lovelace, Olivia Foxglove & Bass Nymph, 9:30pm

80’s Night w/ DJ Blast, 10pm $5 cover

WED- Famous Ladies Night w/DJ Kurt, 9-1am

Mark Johnstone and Lenny Castellanos 6:30pm, no cover

CHALA w/ Special Guests!

10pm, $10

Fish Tank & Friends, 9pm $5

MON- Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7pm, TUE-Ryan Robinson 6:30pm, WED-Randall Rospond, 6:30pm

Will Hartzag time tba

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm , TUE - Jazz 7:30-10pm WED-Kaleo Philips

SIN

House Music

Inna Vision, 9pm

Gina Martinelli Band, 6pm

TUE-Pool League, WED- Pool Tournament

Quiz at 7pm, DJ L at 10pm

DJ L, 10pm

Jordon Cuddy, 8pm

Live Music at 6pm, SIN at 9pm

MON-Pre-Patty’s Day Party, TUE- St. Patty’s Day Bash w/ giveaways + Live Muisc WED-Jessica & Kanoa at 10pm

Karaoke, 9pm

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot, 9pm

Steven Edwards

I-Drive

The Houseshakers

Jazz Sunday Brunch, Bar: Rick G

MON-Rick G, TUE- St. Patrick’s Day w/ Kona Storm +Maui Celtic Band, WED-Ryan Robinson Duo

Jared 4-8pm, Rootz N Creation, 9-close

Rick Glencross/ Dat Guyz

Ryan Robinson/ Red Krown

Karaoke Industry Night

TBA

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd.- 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

DRAGONFLY 1063 Lower Main St., Wailuku- 419-6901

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE

Benefit Concert for Jayden, 8:30pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-5700

$30 and $40. 3pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org THE HAWAIIAN PA‘U RIDER - Sun, Mar 29.

This is a lecture/demonstration by BJ Allen, parade director of the King Kamehameha Celebration Floral Parade. Allen is a third-generation parade director. Her demonstration will include a rarely seen presentation of this uniquely Hawaiian riding outfit. Tickets are $10. 11am12:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org TROMBONE SHORTY & ORLEANS AVENUE - Fri, Apr 10. New Orleans native Trombone Shorty (Troy Andrews) is the bandleader and frontman of Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue, a hard-edged funk band that employs hip-hop beats, rock dynamics and improvisation in a jazz tradition. Together, Trombone Shorty and his band have recorded chart-topping albums, toured the world and appeared on TV, at the Grammy Awards and at the White House. Tickets are $35, $45, $65, and $85. 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org PINK MARTINI - Sat, Apr 11. Pink Martini’s musical travelogue will take you to Rio, Paris, Rome and New York in a cocktail shaker mix of worldly cabaret music, from flirtatious samba music to sing-along to American favorites. Tickets are $30-$68. 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org PUNDY YOKOUCHI MEMORIAL GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Apr 11. The Yokouchi Foundation and the Maui Lani Golf Course Community present the 27th Annual Pundy Yokouchi Memorial Golf Tournament as a fundraiser for The MACC. The Dunes at Maui Lani provide the backdrop for a day of fun on the greens, honoring MACC visionary and founder, Masaru “Pundy” Yokouchi, who loved the arts and golf. The tourna-

Karaoke 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

ment begins with a shotgun start at 7am and ends with an awards luncheon at Cafe O’Lei in The Dunes Clubhouse. Four par-3 holes are eligible for closest-to-the-pin and hole-in-one contests.

Register by March 15 to be eligible for a special prize drawing; final registration by April 4. Henry Kapono will be a celebrity golfer. $300 2-Person Team Entry Fee; $550 Hole Sponsorship. Starts at 7am. Dunes at Maui Lani.(1333 Mauilani Pkwy, Kahului); Dunesatmauilani.com KUMU KAHUA THEATRE-SHOYU ON RICE Fri, Apr 24 & 25. In the mid-1980s, boys attending a Catholic all-boys high school deal with their use of pidgin English when a substitute teacher from Kansas takes over their classroom. Meanwhile, the substitute struggles to learn local ways in both the classroom and the rican home of her Japanese-American fiancé’s parents. Tickets are o $28. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-2427469; Mauiarts.org

Karaoke 9pm

WED - Karaoke 9pm

graciousness of the Brothers Cazimero with contemporary Hawaiian music and hula. Island crafters will be on hand with a selection of fragrant lei to make your day. Performance by Halau Kamaluokaleihulu and Kumu Hula Kahulu Maluo on stage in the Pavilion. Tickets are $12, $28, & $37. 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org

GEORGE KAHUMOKU, JR’S GRAMMY AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Experience the music of the masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artists, featuring an award-winning musician every week. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808669-6271; Slackkeyshow.com

EVENTS

FRIDAY, MAR 13

THURSDAY, MAR 12 HAWAII HEALTH CONNECTOR EVENT Learn if you qualify for a Special Enrollment period due to a qualifying life event. A Kokua from Hawaii H Health Connector will be available to answer any questions you may m have about individual and family coverage, as well as small business insuraance coverage! Free. 9am1 12pm. Salvation Army (35 Halekuai St., Kihei); 808875-8065.

ADD YOUR OWN EVENTS ONLINE

SIERRA LEONE’S REFUGEE ALL-STARS - Th, Apr 30. These singers and musicians have risen like a phoenix out of the ash-es of war. The group is a poming tent example of the redeeming bility of power of music, and the ability ere through the human spirit to persevere unimaginable hardship and emerge with optimism intact. From humble beginnings in West African refugee camps, the All-Stars have matured into one of Africa’s top acts. Tickets are $32 in advance, $42 day of show. 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org

COFA ENROLLMENT (Thu & Tue) Did you know tthat US citizens, and citize zens of the Compact of Free Ass Association (COFA) nations of the Federated States of Micronesi cronesia, Republic of the Marshall Islands and the Republic of Palau are required by th the Affordable Care Act to have federally approved health insurance? A Connector Kokua, as well as a COFA interpreter, will be at Hui No Ke Ola Pono to provide important information about affordable healthcare options available to you. You do not need to make an appointment. Free.

12pm-4pm. Hui No Ke Ola Pono (95 Mahalani St. #21, Wailuku); 808-244-4647.

BROTHERS CAZIMERO - Fri, May 1. The annual tradition of a Maui Lei Day Concert at The MACC with the Brothers Cazimero is always a celebratory event. Enjoy the smooth showmanship, talent and

FREE POLYNESIAN PERFORMANCES HULA SHOW - Free. 7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-6615304; Lahainacannerymall.com

MAUITIME.COM/ADD

IT'S EASY!

HAWAII HEALTH CONNECTOR EVENT - Learn if you qualify for a Special Enrollment period due to a qualifying life event. A Kokua from Hawaii Health Connector will be available to answer any questions you may have about individual and family coverage, as well as small business insurance coverage! Free.

9am-3pm. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-4325.

THE INSTITUTE OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC INFO NIGHT - Deepen your knowledge of Hawaiian music and sharpen your technical skills this Friday during The Institute of Hawaiian Music info nights at the UH Maui Campus.

The program boasts an impressive list of guest mentors including Keali‘i Reichel, Jake Shimabukuro and Barry Flanagan. In addition, interested students can audition for the program with a six-minute performance on March 28th.

4-6pm. Ka‘a‘ike Building, Room 105 (310 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3622; Maui.hawaii.edu/ihm.

HAWAIIAN ISLANDS LAND TRUST SERVICE PROJECT - Visit Waihe‘e Coastal Dunes and Wetlands Refuge, a remarkable coastal area that’s rich in Hawaiian history and bird watching. Meet at 8am at the Waihee Refuge, located off Halewaiu Road and help remove invasive species and clear brush until 12pm.

Bring water and sunscreen, and wear closedtoe shoes, pants and hat for sun protection.

Snacks and cold drinks provided. 8am-12pm.

Waihe‘e Refuge. (Halewaiu Road, Waihe‘e); 808-249-8811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

MARCH 12, 2015 23

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Chase

THURS | 3/12

THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS 6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

FRI | 3/13

Q103 & BASS YARD STUDIOS PRESENT

“SYMPHONY OF THE SOIL” DEBORAH KOONS GARCIA

10PM • $10 COVER

FRI MAR 13 McCoy 6:30 pm

Chala featuring Ekolu Kalama, Mishka, Jacob Abeytia, Officer Jerome, Doobie, Yaya Lioness & Irie Dole

SAT | 3/14

FISH TANK & FRIENDS SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY

POTLUCK featuring James Boyd, Jason Cross, Pete Sebastian, Sean Robinson & Scott Hutton & members of A KETTLE PRIME’S PETER HAMILTON Jonas Troxell, Tim Rausch & Russell Halverson

9PM • $5 COVER SUN | 3/15

BREAKFAST SERVED 7AM

DON’T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!

MON | 3/16

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM

St. Patrick’s Day

3 mile run/walk March 17th, 2015 • 5:30pm • Kahului Ale House Registration at: www.MauiRunning.com The most fun run on maui!

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT DJ KURT

MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $5 BEFORE 11PM - $10 AFTER

FRIDAY, MARCH 13TH

HONEY GIRL PRODUCTIONS PRESENT

GODDESS GALA

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

MUSIC STARTS AT 9:30PM $5/$10 COVER

AN ALL FEMALE LINE UP HONORING MAUI WAHINE ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC WITH LOVELACE OLIVIA FOXGLOVE & BASS NYMPH OPENING ACOUSTIC SET BY BENTLEY KALLAWAY

SATURDAY, MARCH 14TH

CHILLTOWN PRODUCTIONS PRESENT

80’S NIGHT DJ BLAST

SHOW STARTS AT 10:00PM $5 COVER

+ MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

24 MARCH 12, 2015

Film, benefit for Merwin Conservancy

7PM-10PM • NO COVER

TUES | 3/17

RYAN ROBINSON

Starry Night Cinema:

“HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2” FRI MAR 13 Amphitheater

gates 5:30 / movie 7:00 pm FREE!

Exploration of Seneca matrilineal ancestry

ROSY SIMAS DANSE:

“WE WAIT IN DARKNESS” THU MAR 19 Castle 7:30 pm The art of Hawaiian storytelling

LOPAKA KAPANUI:

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

“LEGENDS & GHOSTS IN HAWAI‘I”

WED | 3/18

FRI MAR 20 McCoy 7:30 pm

RANDALL ROSPOND

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

SCHAEFER PORTRAIT CHALLENGE

142 HANA HWY a PAIA a 808.579.8085

Gallery open TUE-SUN 10 am - 5 pm FREE!

WWW.CHARLEYSMAUI.COM

People’s Choice Award Sun 3/15 @ 5 pm

There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui.

Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/12

3/13

3/14

3/15

3/16-3/18

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Mark Smeltzer

Rick Glencross

“Keytar”

MON- Mel Arausa, TUE & WED-Fulton Tashombe

Kawika’s Krew

Kenny Roberts

Eight Track Players

Jarod or Maui Blues & Co 7pm; no cover

MON - John Ness or The Vamp, TUE - Kihei Cowboys, WED - Country Herb & Side Effects

Ma’a, 6:30pm

Willie K 9-11pm, $5

Ma’a, 6:30pm

JD & Harry 3-5pm.

Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm

MON -Benny & Glenn 6-8pm, TUE & WED- Sam Ahia 6:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR 843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

Movie Trivia w/ Idolene Caudy, 6pm

MON-Trivia w/ Niki Guy, 7pm

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE

Free Karaoke All Day!

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

LONGHI’S LAHAINA LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MILL HOUSE (MAUI TROPICAL PLANTATION) 1670 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Waikapu- 243-9618

Live Music 10pm

Latin Friday’s w/ DJ Danny & DJ Moy, 10pm no cover

Ignite Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & Kamikaze, 10pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

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SATURDAY, MAR 14

MONDAY, MAR 16

HALEAKALA SERVICE TRIP - Enthusiastic and fit hikers are wanted for a service trip with the Friends of Haleakala National Park in the Haleakala Crater. Volunteers will stay for free at the Kapalaoa Cabin Saturday and Sunday nights, and hike out on Monday. Learn more and register online. Free. Haleakala Crater (Kula, HI); 808-876-1673; Fhnp.org

VOLUNTEER: HOALOHA‘AINA - Join South Maui volunteers and group leaders Bob and Lis Richardson to help maintain an ocean-side trail, restore sand dunes, pick-up litter and remove invasive species from 7:30am-9:30am. Every Monday.

808-249-8811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

LOOKING FORWARD, LOOKING BACK - “Nana I Mua, Nana I Hope: Looking Forward, Looking Back” is the theme for the 24th Annual Lu‘au of Keawala‘i Congregational Church. An exhibit on the past and future will be featured in the sanctuary throughout the day. The annual gathering will feature the first time appearance of Mark Yamanaka of Hilo.

The lu‘au will also feature the return of Halau Kauluokala under the direction of Kumu Hula Uluwehi Guerrero. Uncle George Kahumoku Jr. will be there, too.

The lu‘au will also include a Gift Center Tent, a Children’s Area and a Lei Table. Keawala’i Congregational Church (5300 Makena Rd.); 808-879-5557 MIRACLE HEALINGS - People of all faiths are invited to Maui’s Miracle Prophetic Service with Rich Vera hosted by Church on the Go, Inc. Pastor Vera has been a disciple of Christ under the ministry leadership of Pastor Benny Hinn. Now, he says the Lord is taking him all over the world to spread the Gospel of Jesus and offer Miracle Healings. Woohoo!

Miracle Healings! Free. 5-8pm. War Memorial Gym (700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku); Churchonthego.us HALE KAU KAU CELEBRATES ST. PATRICK’S DAY - Hale Kau Kau would like to invite everyone to join them as they celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Beef and cabbage dinner, drinks, and dessert. Tickets on sale at the door or at Saint Theresa office or at the door. $15 per person. Time TBA. Theresa Church (25 W. Lipoa St., Kihei); 808-879-4844 VOLUNTEER: MALAMA HONOKOWAI Volunteer with Malama Honokowai and visit the beautiful and hidden Honokowai Valley, an area closed to the public. Among Hawaiian archaeological sites, you’ll learn about Hawaiian history and culture as you help to remove invasive weed plants and possibly plant native species. 9am-3:30pm. North Sugar Cane Train Station. (Pu‘ukoli Road, Ka‘anapali); 808- 2498811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

SUNDAY, MAR 15 FREE HULA SHOW - Free. 11am Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-9:30pm, no cover

TBA

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

TUESDAY, MAR 17 7TH ANNUAL ST. PATRICK’S DAY RACE - The St. Patrick’s Day Races returns with a 3-mile walk/ run and 100-meter keiki dash. Participants will have many opportunities to win. Catch the leprechaun, and dress up in your best green gear for a chance to win prizes. First female and male overall winners will win cash prizes. Post-race celebrations include music, awards, and drinks. 4pm Registration.

5:30pm race. $20-40. Kahului Ale House (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); Mauirunning.com MARKETING SUCCESS IN THE BUSY “CLICKCLICK” MOBILE WORLD - Tue, Mar 17. This 90-minute seminar will help you create emails and web pages that keep people lingering and learning.

This seminar will include a review of the marketing best practices and easy to use ideas you need so you can stay in front of your clients. Learn the newest tools–especially the rules for successful digital marketing to mobile devices from author and “Word Nerd” McKenna Hallett. Bonus materials will be distributed at the event, which will conclude with a Q&A session. Free. 12-1:30pm. Maui Mall Suite B-9 (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-873-8247.

FREE SPINE HEALTH SCREENINGS - Dr. James Urban has more than 20 years of experience in the “gonstead” art from of adjusting–the “gold standard” in traditional full-spine adjusting. Urban is offering free health scans of the spine through the use of thermography for Whole Foods Market customers. Thermography reads temperatures along the spine that can indicate pain, trauma, imbalance or other potential hidden health problems and only takes seconds. First-come, first-served.

Free. 12:30-3:30pm. Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310 x120

WEDNESDAY, MAR 18 SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back.

Meet at South Maui Bicycles shop shortly before 7am. Road bikes recommended. Free. Every Wednesday. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; Southmauibicycles.com

MON- S.I.N. 50% off, 10pm, TUE-DJ Big Mike 10pm, WED-Karaoke 10pm

VOLUNTEERING ON VACATION: O’O FARM - Work on an exquisite organic farm in the misting forest of Waipoli in Kula. Wear sturdy shoes and bring a light jacket that you do not mind getting a little dirty, plus water and sunscreen. Gloves and gardening tools provided. Please call 24 hours in advance to sign up. Free. 8:45am. O‘o Farm (651 Waipoli Rd., Kula) 808-249-8811 ext 1.

GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR’S GRAMMY AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Every Wednesday experience the music of the masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artists, featuring an award winning musician every week. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Slackkeyshow.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CAFE CAFE MAUI - Fri, Sunset Session Fridays with Noah & Auggie 4:30-7pm. (129 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina); 808-283-2739.

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:3010pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Thu Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Fri Sonshine Rivers & Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Sat Scott Freeman 4:3010:30pm; Sun Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Mon, Mark Burnett 4:30-10:30pm; Tue Scott Freeman 4:3010:30pm; Wed Sonshine Rivers & Harry Troupe 4:3010:30pm; (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855.

COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:30-10pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:30-10pm; Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:3010pm. (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ben 3-5pm, Danyell & Roy 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Sat, Danyell 3-5pm, Damon & Ron Oversize Prod. 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali‘i Lum 3-5pm, Damon & Ron Oversize Prod. 6-8:30pm; Mon, Keali‘i Lum 3-5pm, Eddie Sabala 6-8:30pm; Tue, Ben 3-5pm, Eddie Sabala & Alika Nakoka 6-8:30pm; Wed, Danyell 3-5pm, Puhi K6 6-8:30pm.

(130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Thu, Cole Sulenta 7pm; Fri, Maui Underground 7pm; Sun, Mick

Fleetwood Blues Band 7pm; Mon, Rick G 7pm; Tue, Andrew Corradini 7pm; Sat, The House Shakers & Steve Edwards 7pm; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Oyster Hour 5-6pm. (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-6425.

HULA GRILL - Thu, Derick Sebastian 11am, Kealii Lum & Naiwi Teruya 2:30pm, Damon Parillo & Friends 6pm; Fri, Derick Sebastian 11am, Ma’a 2:30pm, Kawika Lum Ho & Friends 6pm; Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am, Ma’a 2:30pm, Danyel Alana & Friends 6pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 11am, Ma’a 2:30pm, Kealii Lum & Friends 6pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 11am, Kapali Keahi 2:30pm, Kealii Lum & Friends 6pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 11am, Kawika Lum Ho 2:30pm, Will Pohaku 6pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Peter DeAquino 2:30pm; Wed, Ernest Pua‘a, Kamuela & Roy Kato 6pm. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636.

JAPENGO AT THE HYATT REGENCY - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Mando Kane 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Pam Peterson 6:30-8:30pm.

(200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Fri, Mel Arausa 7-10pm; Sun, Mike Madden 7-10pm; Mon, Farzad Azad 7-10pm; Tue, Cole Suletna 7-10pm; Wed, Tracy Stiles 7-10pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Honokowai); 808-667-0787.

KIMO’S - Thu, Ma’a 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Eric Gilliom Band and Amy Hanaialii 9-11pm; Sat, Ma’a 6:30-8:30pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm; Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:309:30pm. (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700.

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm.

(843 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655 LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret & Josh 3-5pm. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA‘ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-1200.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Sun, Two Cats 7-9:30pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288

MARCH 12, 2015 25

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3/16-3/18

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MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

RITA’S 1945 S.Kihei Rd. 214-5788

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Rock Thursday 6-9pm; Wed, Island Jams with Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm; Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808-669-6400.

OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PARADISE GRILL - Fri, Kaliko’s Way 6-9pm; Sat, Justin 6-9pm; Sun, Deeson 6-9pm; (2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700.

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm; Fri, Danyel Alana 6-9pm; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm; Thu, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 6-9pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Kahana); 808-669-8889.

SANGRITA GRILL + CANTINA- Every Wed 5:30-7:30pm, and Final Friday Fiesta with live Flamenco music by Indio & Avion on the last Friday of every month 6:30-8:30pm. The Fairway Shops Ka‘anapali. (2580 Keka‘a Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808662-6000; SangritaGrill.com SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Sun- Tue, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Wed- Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Sat, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Napili); 808-669-1500.

SMOKEHOUSE BBQ BAR & GRILL - Every Sat, Salsa 10pm; (930 Wainee St., Lahaina); 808667-7005.

THE CLIFF DIVE BAR - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:308pm; Sat, Larry Golis & Hollis Lee 6:30-8pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-8025.

Rotary Event 5-6pm, Trish Da Dish Pub Quiz, 10:30pm

Soul Kitchen, 6:30-8:30pm

Getting Your Green On Party!

Celtic Tigers, 7-9:30pm

MON- Joyve & Gord, 6:30pm, TUE-BIG St. Patty’s Party w/ Food & Music $15/$20, WED- Joel Katz 5:15pm, Willie K at 6:30pm

Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm

John Bowzer 6:30-9:30pm

Kimo Nevius 4:30-6:30pm

John Bowzer 6:30-9:30pm

MON- Steve Craig 6:30pm, TUE-Rick Scanlon 6:30pm, WED- AhTim & John Bowzer

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Jamie Gallo 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm

Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ LX 10pm

Viva La Rumba 4-6pm, Kanoa 10pm

MON - Kanoa 4pm & DJ Big Mike SIN 10pm, TUE - Steve Mantelli 4pm & DJ Salvo10pm, WED- Natalie Nicole 4pm, DJ Bliss 10pm

no

info

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time

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

TBA, 8pm $4 cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; $4 cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Louise Lambert Trio, 7:30-10:30pm

Skip, 6:30-8:30pm

Skip, 7-9pm

MON- Elaine Ryan 5:30pm, TUE- Power Up Comedy Tour 9pm, WED- Steve 9-11pm,

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON-WED- Karaoke

Live Music, 9pm

Ratchet Fridays w/ DK Wok Free cover

FREE Karaoke

Free Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED- Free Karaoke

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA MARTINI LOUNGE - Thu, DJ Kurt 10pm; Fri, DJ Blast 10pm; Sat, DJ Decka 10pm; Sun, DJ Skinny Guy 10pm; Mon, DJ Lava 10pm; Tue, DJ TRVR 10pm; Wed, Wine Down Wednesday 10pm; (1913 South Kihei Rd, Kihei); 808-891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm. (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286. ohnstone CAPISCHE? - Fri, Mark Johnstone stone 7-10pm. Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm; (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-879-2224.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Thu, 8 Track Players 8pm; Fri, DJ 9pm; Sat, The Hott Mess 9pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299.

MAUI COAST HOTEL - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike and Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6284.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret Roback 7-9pm; Thu, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Thu, Mike Finkiewicz & Craig Soderberg 7-9pm; Fri, Tom 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Naka‘oka 7-9pm; Sat, Brian Haia 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Joshua Kah Kahula 7-9pm; Tue, Stay Eazy 4-6pm; Tue Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm; Wed, Alika 4-6pm.

4(10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 8 808-891-2322.

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MU MULLIGAN’S ON THE B BLUE - Thu, Makai Jazz G Group 6-8:30pm, Trish Da Dish Pub Quiz 10:30pm12am; Fri, Soul Kitchen 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Andrew Corradini 7-10pm; Sun, C Celtic Tigers 7-9:30pm; M Mon, Joyce & Gord 6:308:3 8:30pm; Tue, Magic Show 6:30 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Hawaiian Steel G Guitar 5:15-6:15pm, Willie K 6:30-8 6:30-8:30pm; (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808 808-874-1131.

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DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Thu, Pub Quiz 7pm,, m; DJ L 10pm; Fri, DJ L 10pm; Sat, Jordan Cuddy 8pm; Mon, ve Craig Live Music 10pm; Sun, Steve ca & Kaona 6pm, Sin 9pm; Wed, Jessica 10pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669.

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HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Jared 4-8pm; Thu, Rootz N Creation 9pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Sat, Red Krown 9pm; Every Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Fri, Dat Guyz 9pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.

(2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Mon, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm; Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:307:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177.

RITA’S - Thu, Hawaiian Music with Uncle Ahtim 4-7pm; Sat, Dining and Dancing w/ Sargenti Hall Band 7-10pm; Sun, Steve Craig 3-6pm; Mon, Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm; Tue, Country Western Night w/ Sargenti Hall Band 6:30-9:30pm; Wed, Ladies Night & Beatles Review w/ Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-214-5788.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Fri, Glen Kakugawa 6-9:30pm; Sat, Deason Baybayan 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm. (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thur, Jamie Gallo 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike 10pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ LX 10pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm, Kanoa 10pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm, Big Mike Industry Night 10pm; Tue, Steve Mantelli 4-6pm, DJ Salvo 10pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 4-6pm, DJ Bliss 10pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444.

MAUI BREWING CO - Sat, Maui Music Series 3-10pm. (605 Lipoa Pkwy, Kihei); 808-213-3002.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Tue, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-2910.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Fri, Louise Lambert

Jazz Trio 7:30-10:30pm; (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE - Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:309:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Every Tue & Thu, Pi‘ilani Arias 5-8pm; Fri, Local Live Music 5-9pm; Sat, Ben Deleon 5-9pm; Sun, Live Music 5-8pm; Mon, Ben Deleon 5-8pm; Wed, Sheron Depont 5-8pm. (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001.

STEEL HORSE SALOON - Thu, Pub Quiz Night 7:30pm; Fri, Zack Kekona 8:30pm; Sat, Homestead 8:30pm; Sun, Karaoke 6pm; Wed, Kawika Ortiz 8pm.

(1234 Lower Main St., Wailuku) 808-245-2206.

WATERCRESS - Thu, Piano Band 9pm; Fri, Do Wok 9pm; Sat, Alternative Night 9pm; Sun, Free Karaoke 9pm; Mon, Free Karaoke 9pm; Tue, Free Karaoke 9pm; Wed, Roo Dinner Music 6-8pm. (270 Waiehu Beach Rd., Ste 106, Wailuku) 808-243-9351.

UPCOUNTRY CASANOVA - Wed, DJ Kurt $5 cover before 11pm, $10 after; Fri, Goddess Gala w/Love Lace, Foxglove & Bass Nymph $5/$10 at the door, music starts at 9:30pm; Sat, 80s Night w/DJ Blast $5 at the door 10pm; (1188 Makawao Ave, Makawao); 808-572-0220 CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON Thu, Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:308:30pm; Mon, Charley’s Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm; Tue, Ryan Robinson 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Randall Rospond 6:30-8:30pm;(142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - First Wednesday, Mark Johnstone & Justin Favell 5:30-8pm; Thu, Randall Rospond 5:30-8pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Thu Kanekoa Trio 6-9pm; Fri, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Sat Meaghan Owens w/ John Pollack or Steve Grimes 6-9pm; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm; Wed, Dorothy, Les & Vince Esquire 6:30-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-5752661.

STOPWATCH SPORTSBAR AND GRILL Thu, Karaoke With Dudley 9-12pm; Fri, Usual Suspects 8pm-12am; (1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao); 808-572-1380.

MARCH 12, 2015 27

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by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language

QUIZ understood

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: D–“Provides an income tax credit for costs incurred in new hotel construction or renovation of an existing hotel facility.”

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

I guess you’re lucky you haven’t yet figured out how to exactly manifest your latest whimsical dream job, or you’d be stuck in a position as an Advanced Pillow Tester and Inspector, in which you’d scrutinize cushions for plumpness, throwing heft, bite-resistance, and tumble-braking. In other words, the kind of job that’d be fun for about a day; once the novelty wore off, it’d be about as tedious as it gets. Along with an increased ability to make all your wishes happen comes responsibility; until your fantasies are really in line with what you want and need in the long-term and not just the moment, you won’t consistently be able to make them come true.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

No revolution would ever stand a chance without Virgos. You’re rarely in the front lines; it’s what happens after a successful coup (whether that overthrow happens inside a relationship, job, or nation) that determines whether or not it’ll be successful, or worse than the regime it displaced. In other words, without the organizational savvy of your tribe, gun-toting rebels would soon fall apart, leaving nothing as their legacy except destruction. When you’re privy to the seeds of a revolution this week, let those in charge know whether you’re behind it or not; believe it or not, you’re in a position to make it or break it.

2: D–Civil Service Commission 3: B–Ladle

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Stop begging at the dinner table like the family dog.

Sitting and staring longingly at what you want so badly won’t get it for you; table scraps are strictly forbidden in the house you live in. However, that doesn’t mean that what you desire is absolutely out of reach; it just requires more resourcefulness, patience, and persistence than you’ve so far demonstrated. How much do you want it? Only the greatest degree of creativity and ingenuity will yield it to you. Now that you know what’s necessary to get what you desire, all that’s left is to either commit, fullon, to getting it, or just give up and go lie down.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

You’re a golden bull this week. People will feel inclined to worship you on pedestals constructed from their own self-sacrificial intentions. Please bear in mind: as flattering as all this attention must be, it’s not healthy—for you or them. Climb down from the pedestal, and make your hapless admirers realize that you all belong on the same level. This may be harder than you think, but persist anyway; the relief you feel when you’re no longer bearing the burden and responsibility of people’s faith and devotion will more than outweigh the ego massage of taking it on.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Frivolity is your main agenda, according to some. You are liable to take it to extremes, enrolling in classes like Astral Projection and Cloud Sculpting 101, wherein you devote the bulk of your time to pursuits which, if you asked those naysayers, couldn’t possibly be worthwhile. Listen to them if you wish, but consider this first: Isn’t enjoyment of life at least as important as some intangible benefit you might reap in the future? If you can’t ignore your detractors outright, at least ask them what they think you ought to be doing instead of what you really want to do. When you lay your options side by side, I think your choice will be clearer than ever: go play, already.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

Your heart, lately, is like one of those beat-up old jalopies that nobody drives anymore, the kind that won’t start until you get it rolling in neutral and then kick it into gear. You need to ask a few friends to start throwing their backs into it, shoving it until it’s moving fast enough to stay running on its own. It would be a shame to let the beautiful thing sit in the backyard and rust when it could be cruising open roads and taking gorgeous people for the rides of their lives, with a little help from you and those who love you already.

When a possum crawled into his wall to die a few years ago, my friend Chris was haunted by what became known as The Smell. The lingering scent of death and rot refused to be suppressed and the offending corpse lay completely out of reach, leaving him no choice but to just live with it until it faded. This is something like what you’ve endured the past few months; a tremendous burden that you couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for at times, even while you resented it. It was so omnipresent that you occasionally almost forgot to notice it, so at first this may seem like one of those moments—until you take a deep breath and realize that this time, it’s actually, finally, gone.

tattoos by Rachel G

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Resist looking under the rug where all your life’s grunge has been swept the past three months, because when you discover it still lurking there, perhaps multiplying and festering, you’ll become too depressed to do anything about it. That mess needs to be cleaned up soon, make no mistake, just not this week, when it’ll just bury you in filth instead of motivating you to clean it all up. For now, ignore the disgusting detritus of your recent screw-ups.

Instead, please concentrate on not adding to them, by staying focused on the tasks at hand.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

You believe in second chances, don’t you? At least you did the last few times you needed one. So don’t be a hypocrite now. When you’ve screwed up, people have been kind enough to cut you a break, or a deal. Now that you’re the one who’s been screwed by someone else’s mistake, you’re in a position to be petty, demanding, and unforgiving, or to be gracious and compassionate. You know what to do. Even if the latter requires tremendous amounts of self-sacrifice and compensation, I hope you choose it.

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CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Sometimes when her students were exceptionally restless, especially on hot days in late Spring, my elementary school teacher would turn out the lights and instruct us all to put our heads down on our desks for a little while. Naturally, if this had been a routine thing, it would never have worked; we’d have wreaked all sorts of mischief. But the change from our daily grind was so welcome, it had exactly the effect intended; we were soothed and calmed. You need this kind of breather; a real break from the oppressive burden of your routine. Turn out the lights, Cap. Put your head down on the desk for a while and… just breathe.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Right now the distances you’re covering are so vast that being halfway to your destination still feels like you haven’t started. But don’t worry, the desert you’re crossing isn’t as limitless as it feels; in truth, you only have to cover as much ground as you’ve already managed. Just because the green oasis of your destination still lies beyond the wavy heat trails doesn’t mean it’s still as unreachable as it was a couple months ago. Persist, sweet Leo, in spite of the obstacles and distances that seem to be ahead. You’re more than strong enough to make it, even if you don’t feel that way right now, and the lush paradise beyond these shifting sands is worth the sweat and tears.

If the walls are talking, no one’s listening. I certainly don’t want to feed into any latent psychoses that might be lurking in your subconscious, but the universe has been whispering subtle clues and offering divine guidance over the past week. Unfortunately, you’re either just deaf enough to miss these hints, or ignoring them. If it’s the former, paying attention ought to be enough to play catch-up; if you’re being deliberately obtuse you almost deserve what you get. Don’t let self-defeating attitudes keep you from making shit happen; if you miss out, it’s not just you who suffers— it’s everyone who shares your heart, head, or house.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com.

MARCH 12, 2015 29

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