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WANTS STEAK

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BOBBY LEE

IS CRAZY

SENIORS PG.14

STRIKE BACK

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PG.10

DON'T SCAN THIS

PLUS

SARAH ‘SASSIN’ GRAY

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AUGUST 21, 2014

Contents VOLUME 18 ✚ ISSUE 10

ON THE COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: Who should be Maui County’s next police chief?

August 21, 2014 ✚ Volume 18 ✚ Issue 10 ✚ FREE

Girl Power Special thanks to Sarah ‘Sassin’ Gray and the Maui Roller Girls

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Keith Taguma

Photo By: Sean M. Hower TALKING STORY WITH

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Vanessa Ghantous Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Crispin Glover Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Ronald McDonald Graphic Designer: Shane Fontanilla Jackie Chan Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Tommy Russo Contributors: Jenn Brown, Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Suzanne Kayian, Alex Mitchell, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Jacob Shafer, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II, Dayna Yamasaki Admin. Executive: Sarah Gerlach (808) 244-0777 Vin Diesel Proofreader: Dina Wilson Willie Nelson

MAUI ROLLER GIRLS FOUNDING MEMBER PLUS

SARAH ‘SASSIN’ GRAY

RIKI HOKAMA

WANTS STEAK

4 10 13 14 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

PG.7

BOBBY LEE

IS CRAZY

SENIORS PG.14

STRIKE BACK

PG.19

PG.10

DON'T SCAN THIS

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Sam MacRoberts

Cover Design & Art Direction By: Darris Hurst

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY FOOD & DRINK A&E THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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pendent Party candidate for governor) and his brother at a movie theater in Honolulu for allegedly harassing an offduty cop. But at trial, Hannemann and his brother were found not guilty. According to blogger Ian Lind’s 2010 post on the incident, what was the movie they were trying to see when the incident occurred?

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1. On Aug. 18, The Maui News reported that “nearly 20 people” had applied to be the new Maui Police Chief, though the newspaper said it could only confirm eight names. Which of the following was NOT among those eight the paper said want to be the next Maui Chief?

A. Deputy Chief Clayton Tom B. Captain Charles Hirata (retired) C. Lieutenant Bobby Hill (retired) D. Mary Wagner (County of Maui business community plan manager) E. Lieutenant Everett Ferreira

3. Gov. Neil Abercrombie was a major backer of the proposed Oahu-Maui undersea power cable, but he lost the Democratic Party Primary Election.

Which of the following governor candidates, according to an Aug. 15 Pacific Business News blog post, strongly supports the proposed cable?

A. Republican James “Duke” Aiona B. Democrat David Ige C. Hawaii Independent Mufi Hannemann D. Both Ige and Hanneman E. Both Aiona and Hannemann

2.

In 1974, Honolulu PD arrested Mufi Hannemann (the current Hawaii Inde-

See answers, page 29

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.com

News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

Coconut Wireless PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

the council, but this year he had to face three challengers. One of them, former Maui County Councilman Mike Molina, ended up being the top vote winner in the Hawaii Primary Election. Here are the final results of that vote: Mike Molina: 11,125 votes (40.4%) Mike White: 9,815 votes (35.7%) Henry Kahula, Jr.: 2,106 votes (7.7%) Alex Haller: 826 votes (3.0%)

According to a source close to the County Council, White is none too happy about the results. And why should he be? Molina hasn’t At least one person we endorsed won... been on the council for four years–time he’s largely spent working as an aide to Maui SCHATZ WINS US SENATE Mayor Alan Arakawa,White’s political nemePRIMARY RACE, WE THINK sis–and he beat White by more than 1,300 votes.

It’s hard to know for sure, but we think that If White was in any way relaxed about his reU.S. Senator Brian Schatz has won his Demoelection effort before Saturday’s vote, he’s certainly cratic Primary race against challenger Colleen not now. And he’s taking the “non partisan” nature Hanabusa.That’s what all the papers were of Maui County Council races very seriously. reporting after the Aug. 15 special election in Two and a half weeks before the Primary, hurricane-ravaged Puna, but they were White had a $150/person fundraiser at the also reporting that the state Office of ElecYokouchi Estate in Wailuku. Seeing the tions suddenly found 800 ballots from Maui fundraiser boosted on the Maui County County that had previously gone uncounted.

Democratic Party’s webpage (MauiDemo“Hawaii elections officials say 800 uncrats.org) wasn’t surprising, considering that counted ballots have been discovered during Maui Democrats’ chairman is Troy Hashia routine audit of the primary election,” Civil moto, who also works as an aide to White.

Beat reported the night of the special elec“As a practice, we try to post all candidates tion. “The ballots are from Maui and were events on our website as a service to Democrats transmitted to the elections office on Aug. 9 to the best of our ability,” said Tracie Takatani, but inadvertently not counted, according to the Maui Democrats’ Corresponding Secretary. elections office spokesman Rex Quidilla.”

“With this said, the Maui County Democratic So apparently the error lay with the state, Party did not sponsor Mike White’s event.” rather than the county. I don’t know if that But at 6:30pm on Thursday, Aug. 14, White makes me feel better or worse. Hanabusa said was scheduled to make an appearance at the she won't challenge the results (though she Kalama Heights Community Center in had tried to delay the Aug. 15 vote). For his Kihei before an entirely different audience–the part, Schatz seemed particularly angry.

Republican/libertarian TEA Party Maui.

“This is appalling and outrageous,” he said in an Aug. 15 news release. “It is unacceptable that the Office of Elections failed to count these ballots on Maui, and the voters of Hawai‘i are entitled to an explanation of how this occurred. We need to understand what measures will be taken to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

And we wonder why election turnout (41.5 percent in Hawaii, 33.1 percent in Maui County) is so abysmal.

Here’s the event description, pulled from the Tea Party Maui’s website (TeaPartyMaui.com): “TEA Party Maui’s featured speaker will be Council Member Mike White. Mr.White is sixth-generation kama‘ina, born and raised on Oahu,” states the event listing. “In 2010, he won a two-year term on the Maui County Council, serving the residents of Makawao, Haiku and Paia, was re-elected in 2012, and is up for re-election in 2014. He serves as the Chair of the Council’s Budget and Finance Committee, which deals with all matters relating to County revenues and expenditures. We have asked Council Member White to speak about how he and his Budget and Finance Committee were able to accomplish the County property tax cut for this fiscal year while still appropriating million of dollars to meet the priority needs of the County in the areas of roads, water resources, public safety, and parks and recreation.”

Sounds like a friendly event to me, but who knows–maybe someone there will call out White (who makes his living as general manager of the

From the Aug. 13 Maui News...

Ka‘anapali Beach Hotel) for his years voting for million-dollar grants to the Maui Visitors Bureau, which is about the best example of corporate welfare you’re going find on the island.

cops who shoot people in the line of duty.

I found three stories written around the time of Langford’s shooting in The Maui News’ online archives. Here are their headlines:

WHAT’S NEWS TO THE MAUI NEWS?

• “Man pulls a gun, is shot dead by officer” (May 23, 2012) • “Man shot by a police didn’t have a gun, family claims” (May 24, 2012) • “Officials say shotgun in reach of man shot by police” (May 25, 2012)

Was it just me, or did anyone else find the Associated Press story about the recent shoot-

Overheard

MIKE WHITE'S COURTING… EVERYONE? For those of you just joining us, Maui County Councilman Mike White is in trouble.Two years ago he was unopposed when he ran for reelection to the Makawao-Haiku-Paia seat on

ing in Ferguson, Missouri that ran in the Aug. 13 Maui News to be bitterly funny? Of course, there’s nothing funny about the killing of 18-year-old Michael Brown. Or the fact that residents and activists–like Rev. Al Sharpton– are outraged over the death and the department’s refusal to name the officer who killed Brown.

“The local authorities have put themselves in a position–hiding names and not being transparent– where people will not trust anything but an objective investigation,” Sharpton said in the AP story.

But there’s something funny about a newspaper that sees a police department thousands of miles away that’s refusing to name an officer who killed someone as news when the same paper treats the same policy over here–withholding the names of cops in officer-involved shootings–as non-news.

Remember Marshall Langford? An officer with the Maui Police Department shot and killed Langford at the Mana Kai hotel parking lot back in May 2012. We still don’t know who the officer is because department policy–like that in Ferguson–is to keep secret the names of

“I was going to ask if you wanted a refill on your water but I actually don’t have any.”

As you can see, none of the headlines confronted the issue that the Maui PD wouldn’t name the officer who shot and killed Langford. And as you’d expect, the stories didn’t raise any alarm over that fact, either (the most they would do is dryly note in the May 24, 2012 story that “Police said Wednesday that they were not releasing the officer’s name” before dropping the issue).

Maybe because Al Sharpton wasn’t out here to raise the issue, The Maui News just didn’t think it was news. ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro

-Server at the Kihei Triangle, Aug. 16 For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

AUGUST 21, 2014

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro & Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY COUNTY OF MAUI

MauiSphere

Riki Hokama

BIG RIKI HOKAMA FUNDRAISER ON HONOLUU

PHOTO COURTESY WILL SMITH CHARITABLE FOUNDATION

Maddie Vierra and Susan Moulton

-Anthony Pignataro

WILL SMITH CHARITABLE FOUNDATION HELPS MAUI SURFER GIRLS Eight-year-old Maddie Vierra recently got a week at Maui Surfer Girls camp.

The Will Smith Charitable Foundation made it possible. The WSF has funded the week-long surf camp adventure for several Maui girls since Smith’s tragic death.

Smith was just eight when he died in automobile accident in 2007. A year later, Smith’s mother, Susan Moulton, met MSG founder Dustin Tester at the spot where the accident occurred. Moulton was commemorating what would have been Will’s ninth birthday by placing a lei and balloons on a cross when Tester approached her. They became friends.

Visitors and locals attend the surf camp. In addition to providing surfing lessons, the camp offers visits to local attractions and a variety of activities like arts and crafts. It’s designed to build self-confidence in young women through surfing as well as providing strong female role models.

“It’s amazing to me the incredible aloha this island has offered my family and this organization since Will’s death,” said Moulton. “The people that have

come into my life, the doors that have opened that allowed me to find the need, and continue awareness of my dear son are greatly appreciated. ” For more information on scholarship opportunities and events sponsored by WSF, visit Willsmithfoundation.org.

-Suzanne Kayian

BIG MAUI PD DUI CRACKDOWN BEGINS The Maui Police Department’s big “crackdown” on drunk driving started Aug. 15 and runs through Sept. 1. It’s part of the nationwide “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over” campaign.

“We are sending a message and we want the people of Maui County to know the Maui Police Department does not tolerate impaired driving,” says an Aug. 15 press release from Sergeant Nick Krau of the Maui PD’s DUI Task Force. “Impaired driving is reckless and preventable, and it’s our job to get that point across. No excuses, no warnings. If drivers are caught driving impaired, they will be arrested.”

Stating that “over 10,000 people” die in alcoholrelated crashes every year, Sergeant Krau continued with the warning: “The DUI Task Force Unit of the Maui Police Department’s Traffic Section will be out in force actively participating in the ‘Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over’ campaign,” he added in the news release. “Motorist[s] can expect to see increased saturation patrols which will include the use of unmarked patrol vehicles and sobriety checkpoints.”

Don’t say we didn’t warn you. In fact, on Aug. 18, the MPD sent out another news release stating that they’d already arrested 19 people as part of the campaign.

“Seven out of the 19 motorists arrested were at intoxication checkpoints,” Lt. Ricky Uedoi, the Traffic Section Commander, said in that news release. “12 people were arrested in central Maui, two in Lahaina, three in Kihei, and two on Molokai.”

Of course, people shouldn’t drive while intoxicated–regardless of whether the cops are stepping up enforcement with checkpoints and sternly-worded press releases. And if you ever see someone driving who’s impaired, call the Maui Police Department’s non-emergency number: 808-244-6400 and report it.

-Anthony Pignataro

OCEAN VODKA TO GET FEATURED AT LA FOOD & WINE FEST It’s only been going on for four years now, but the four-day Los Angeles Food & Wine Festival is kind of a big deal.

There will be food prepared by more than a hundred “celebrity chefs” (that means for us non-foodies, you get to see Master Chef’s Graham Elliot and a bunch of other people, mostly from the LA area) and wine from more than a hundred wineries. And in all that mass of opulent food and spirits, little Ocean Vodka from Kula will be there.

“Ocean Vodka will be serving freshly made handcrafted cocktails nightly, paired to the evening’s theme,” states an Aug. 18 news release from Ocean Vodka. “For example, Friday night will be Asian Night Market and the Ocean Vodka Blueberry Ginger and Asian Fusion cocktails will be served.”

PHOTO BY LYNDA ARENA

State Campaign Spending Commission (CSC) records show that Maui County Councilman Riki Hokama has held one fundraiser in the last two years. It was a modest $50/head deal at the Maui Beach Hotel in Kahului on June 26, 2013. This isn’t surprising considering that the councilman who represents Lanai rarely has to campaign for office (he’s unopposed in his reelection bid this year).

But times are changing. Hokama–though he has no opponent going into the November election–has nonetheless scheduled two fundraisers. The first is the small-

er of the two. Scheduled for Aug. 27, it’s a $100/ head event at the Yokouchi Family Estate in Wailuku.

The second, which the CSC made public on Aug. 18, is a far more lavish affair. According to the official fundraiser notice, Hokama is asking supporters to attend a dinner at Morton’s Steakhouse in Honolulu, which is just slightly outside his district (the fundraiser doesn’t list an address, but there’s just one Morton’s in Hawaii). The suggested contribution for the event: “$1,000/$2,000.”

Damn! Someone’s got ambitions that stretch far beyond the Maui County Council. In any case, Hokama’s most recent campaign finance report (filed July 8) says he currently has $37,503.42 in the bank.

Ocean Vodka, in the wild

What’s more, the Food & Wine Festival itself will help benefit the Berkley Foundation (the nonprofit arm of the mighty Coastal Luxury Management, a big Monterey-based event and hospitality management firm), which assists the youth of Monterey County. Of course, as someone who spent his formative years in the greater Southern California area, I have to reject the news release’s statement that the Los Angeles Food & Wine Festival will be “amid one of the country’s foremost cultural destinations along Grand Avenue”–it’s downtown LA, people, not the Smithsonian–but that’s just me.

The festival runs Aug. 21-24 in Los Angeles.

-Anthony Pignataro ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

AUGUST 21, 2014

7

News & Views

by Chuck Shepard

News Of The Weird CRAPPY FLIGHTS The May 28 US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia had to be diverted to Kansas City after a passenger’s service dog did what dogs do, in the aisle, twice (an hour apart). One passenger used the terms “lingering smell,” “dry heaving” and “throwing up” in describing the situation. And on a recent (perhaps July) Delta flight from Beijing to Detroit, a Chinese couple apparently nonchalantly laid down paper on their toddler’s seat and encouraged him to address his bowels’ needs despite numerous pleas from nearby passengers to take him to the restroom. According to Chinese news reports, social media sites erupted in criticism of the family for its embarrassing behavior.

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION Steve Grossman, Massachusetts’ state treasurer, who is running for governor, performed heroically at a candidate forum in March. The Boston Globe reported that Grossman “fervently answered questions on everything from transgender rights [to] sex education [and] issues facing [the] aging members of the [gay/transgender] community” while simultaneously passing a kidney stone (which most victims rate as “level 10” pain–the highest on the medical scale, described by some as comparable to childbirth).

A POLITICIAN WHO’S ALSO A LIAR?!

Steve Wiles gathered only 28 percent of the vote in his North Carolina state senate race in May after revelations that he–lately an opponent of gay rights–was until about four years ago a gay male who worked as the female impersonator “Mona Sinclair” at a gay nightclub in Winston-Salem. As recently as April, however (three weeks before a newspaper’s revelation), Wiles was categorically denying that he used to be Mona Sinclair.

“That’s not me,” he said. “That’s him,” said a man who worked with him at the club. Said the club’s then-co-owner: “I have no ax to grind against him. I just think he’s a liar.”

NOT MY FAULT Tom Lakin is challenging State Farm in a St. Clair County, Illinois, courtroom, claiming that the sexual abuse he was convicted of was “unintentional” and that therefore his homeowners’ insurance ought to have covered any claims by the victim. (State Farm, and other insurers, generally pay out for “negligent” events.) He said he had no idea that serving minors alcohol and drugs and encouraging them to have sex with each other would lead to their later sexual exploitation by other adults.

REDNECK CHRONICLES A man was hospitalized in Shreveport, Louisiana, in June after being carried away by a wind gust as he held onto a mattress in the back of a pickup truck on Interstate 49.

He suffered road burn and fractures. And

8

AUGUST 21, 2014

Jenna Ketcham, 25, was arrested in Sebastian, Florida, in July after exacting a bit of revenge against an ex-boyfriend, whom she encountered squiring another woman in his pickup truck. According to police, Ketcham hit the man in the face and the genitals, and emptied his “dip spit” cup on him.

NEW WORLD ORDER Among the foods “you wouldn’t even eat if trapped on a desert island” in a May London Daily Mirror feature: canned cheeseburger (Germany), canned whole chicken (Sweet Sue brand of USA), canned peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Mark One Foods of USA), canned bacon (Hungary), Squeez Bacon (in a plastic jar like ketchup, from Vilhelm Lilleflask of Sweden), whole peeled lamb tongues (New Zealand) and Elephant Dung Beer (from excreted coffee beans by Japan’s Sankt Gallen). Also mentioned: Casu Marzu (cheese containing live maggots that the food’s few fans swear make its taste irresistible–and which News of the Weird reported in 2000).

SMELL YOU LATER! Update: The first “pheromone party” is said to have been staged in New York City in 2010, but the concept was revived recently in London, with men and women bringing three-each used, unwashed, un-fragranced T-shirts in plastic bags as the price of admission (along with the equivalent of $25).

Guests sniff the coded bags one after another until genes kick in and signal the sniffer that a certain shirt belongs to Mr. or Ms. Right.

At that point, the sniffer projects a cellphone selfie on the wall, and whoever brought that shirt sees the sniffer, at which time things return to normal, i.e., deciding if the sniffer is sufficiently good-looking.

IT WOULD BE ITALY The Italian news agency ANSA reported in July that Italy’s San Vittore prison in Milan is scheduling regular “happy hour” socials for its female inmates–catered, with alcohol, and with “external” guests welcomed, to the displeasure of the prison guards’ union. The deputy director of the prison service was quoted by ANSA as approving the events, leading union representatives to complain to the ministry of Justice.

LEAST COMPETENT COPS James Jordan Sr. died in Brooklyn, New York, in 2006, but NYPD officers have barged into his family’s home 12 times since then–four in 2014 alone–seeking him on various charges. His widow, Karen Jordan, even taped his death certificate to the front door, but that failed to deter the officers, one of whom shouted during a recent raid that they “know” Jordan is hiding inside somewhere. Karen recently filed a lawsuit against NYPD for the raids, which include “turning out drawers, looking in closets, harassing my children.” ■

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E

h! I was sitting down at Pohaku Park when you pulled up. There was beyondloud rap music screaming from your car’s speakers. A few braddahs and I were enjoying the sunset and talking among ourselves when you shouted, “Go back to da mainland, haole.” I noticed one of the stickers on your car had a Filipino last name on it and assumed it was your name. I do believe you are of Filipino descent. I may be white but I was born and raised here. No matter the color of my skin, I am Hawaiian to the bone. Where is the aloha in your life? That’s one shame!

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AUGUST 21, 2014

9

GIRL POWER Words by Anthony Pignataro Photos by Sean M. Hower

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he Maui Roller Girls have been around since 2008. Part of the resurgence of roller derby in the US over the last decade, the MRG were basically just a scrappy collection of women who somehow fit roller skating and derby practice into their work and family lives when they first started. But over and over, the five girls they’d put on the track (one jammer, who scores points by lapping the other team, and four other team members who block or in some way assist the jammer) would dominate their opponents.

While not nearly as violent as the MMA bouts at War Memorial, roller derby is a full contact, physical sport. Girls get hit. They get slammed to the ground. Blood and bruises are as integral to derby as their skates.

While Maui Roller Girls aren’t so much massacring other squads these days, the team is stronger than ever. But of the original squad, just two members still actively skate with the team. I recently sat down with one of them, Sarah “Sassin” Gray–who bartends at Milagro’s in Paia, keeps bees and teaches yoga–to talk about how the team has changed over the last six years, and what challenges still remain….

Q: A: Q: A: Q:

So let me start right off–your winning record isn’t what it used to be.

We have a lot of rookies on the team. They’re enthusiastic, but that doesn’t really translate to winning.

Ok. But how’s the team as an overall organization?

We’re now an established 501(c)3.

We have a board of directors, and committees now.

And I see that you’re still struggling to find a permanent home with a roof. Before our interview, you forwarded me a copy of a letter Board of Land and Natural Resources Chairperson William Aila sent a few days ago to your team member Vanessa Oat Ghantous, in response to

10 AUGUST 21, 2014

Talking story with founding member Sarah ‘Sassin’ Gray about the Maui Roller Girls

her inquiry as to whether the big new sports complex planned for Wailuku would have a place for your team to skate. Basically, he says no. To quote Aila, they’re “not planning to build any facilities that could specifically be used for roller skating.” That sucks.

A: Q: A: Q: A:

For two to three years, we’ve been working with the county to try to find space. So we have been on their radar.

Do you still practice and do bouts at the Boys & Girls Club?

Yes. They’ve been very generous with us, but it’s probably our biggest obstacle.

What do you mean?

Recently, we flew out a mainland team from the San Fernando valley. It stormed the whole weekend. They stayed three days, but left without every skating.

We felt so bad that they couldn’t play, so later we made a trip to the San Fernando Valley. We did a regulation game against them, then the next day we skated with them and a team from Santa Barbara that was coed. Then we went to San Diego and skated on their banked track, which was awesome.

Q: A:

The Maui Roller Girls always skate on a flat track. What was that like?

It’s bouncier. On a banked track you have to keep rolling forward all the time. Jams were only a minute long–on a flat track they can be two minutes. And penalties are served in the following jam, which is a big advantage, in that you’re not suddenly caught without your blockers and you can strategize about how you’ll deal with it.

The San Diego track was so friendly. They didn’t have to let us in. We got a huge amount of game play, which was very generous of them.

Q: A:

What are other roller derby teams around Hawaii like?

Kauai is doing really well right now.

They beat us twice this season. They’re our sister league. They’re small–what we used to be, when we had a tiny core. I’m sure next season will be different. It always is.

Q: A:

Do other Hawaii teams have the same problem finding a place to skate?

Q: A: Q: A:

I saw that your team has been traveling lately.

No. They say we can’t use gyms. But on Oahu, the girls skate on a gym floor and it’s fine–their skates don’t scuff up the floor. The Big Island [team] skates at the civic center. There’s ‘sport court’ that they can use. The county’s been talking about doing that, but it fell through. Not sure if we dropped the ball or they did– probably a little bit of both.

So we’re still looking for a roof. A teammate rigged a tripod with construction lights so we could skate at night.

We went to Roller Con in Vegas.

They have coed scrimmages– Scrimmages?

It’s where we mix it and don’t keep score. It’s really fun, and that’s when you see girls do their most artistic moves. Anyway, at Roller Con you can make up theme teams and then challenge other teams. Star Trek vs. Star Wars, things like that.

We did the Fasholes vs Tom Boys.

That reminds me–I was looking at the website Derbyroster. com earlier. There are derby teams everywhere around the world.

Q: A:

There’s a global village element to our sport. I can go to that site and contact any of those teams, if I’m in their area.

We had a girl roll up the other night who was

deaf. We didn’t really have time to talk about how to adjust our practice to her needs, but it was fun. Her skate name was “Irate Penguin.”

Q: A:

Seems very informal. What about your season schedule as a whole?

Q: A:

Tell me about the big championships that happen in November.

Q: A:

So this travel team is made up of derby girls from all over Hawaii.

We’ve tried to make our season more agreeable to the tournament schedule. One of the problems was our season was so long, the girls would get exhausted at the moment when we needed them the most. And we’d book games during the summer when people were out of town.

So August is us taking a month-long break. We’ve also opened the floor to anyone who wants to coach–they can show us what they learned in classes or at Roller Con. September 1 starts our six-week training for the Battle of the Islands that takes place Oct. 17.

We’re recruiting referees. Skarre Bomb [the other Maui Roller Girls founding member still active with the team] is a ref. She loves to skate, but we need refs.

This November, every state can send a roster to Daytona. It was somewhat controversial how the Hawaii team formed. There was an invitation for people, not a team, to sign up on behalf of the state.

If there were more than 20 sign up, then we’d have try-outs. We didn’t get 20.

It’s challenging to get the girls to travel.

But one of our members took charge, and we got 20. But by then we had 40 to 50 girls saying, ‘What do you mean, I want to be on the team.’ Next year, we’ll do tryouts.

We recently had a practice on Oahu and skated against Jet City, Washington. We did really well. They first played against the Oahu team. The next day, they played against our Hawaii Travel Team.

By halftime, our travel team was up 100 points. Now the Jet City team was playing

in the sun, which they weren’t used to, and they had been out the night before after they played the Oahu team. But [the Maui Roller Girls] are going to get stomped if we play teams from California, Washington or New York. Those teams are saturated [with talent].

Q: A:

There’s also a World Cup for roller derby. What’s that like?

The World Cup is the first week of December. My team did a GoFundMe to pay for my airfare and car rental for me to go try out for the Canadian team.

I had no aspirations for making the team.

It’s just 20 people, and Canada is full of hockey players and figure skaters.Three hundred people tried out. It’s one of the only teams that put up any points against the US in the last World Cup. But Team Brazil is cool, and it’s amazing that our team member Pixie made it.

Q:

Ah, Pixie. The Maui Roller Girls website says Pixie’s “most powerful weapon is her ability to distract with her Brazilian accent.”

A: Q: A:

It’s true. But there are only a few spots [on the Brazilian team] for people who don’t reside there.

But I take it you didn’t make the Canadian team.

I wasn’t expecting much so I wasn’t slighted by the format. It seemed to be constructed in a way as to funnel through people they already knew would be there. [The tryout] was four hours, and people got cut after two hours. They tested you on skills that weren’t common on the derby track.

They wanted to see who’s agile on their skates.

Q: A:

Well, agility is important to roller derby, I’d imagine.

So much of derby is athletics, but a huge part is also awareness–knowing how to do and when to do. That wasn’t tested.

Q:

they have to decide which part of the organization they want to contribute to: the treasury, community development, etc.

A:

Meaning that being part of the Maui Roller Girls isn’t just a bunch of skating and knocking people over. People who join your squad have to do actual work.

Now you also help coach the squad, so I imagine awareness–or the lack of it–is something you’re familiar with.

Self-awareness is a big thing to cultivate in other people. I’m guilty too: we’re always guilty of not doing something that we’re thinking that we’re doing. This is where the yoga teaching I’ve done is very helpful. People’s body awareness is very abstract most of the time.You tell someone to “get low” and they just do this–bend over. So instead of saying “bend your knees,” you say, “get like you’re trying to sit in a chair.”

Q:

Seems like there are all sorts of things derby girls need to be aware of when on the track, and that it can be overwhelming.

A:

There are two jammers on the track, and your team’s blockers are either defending against the other jammer or helping their own jammer. Some girls can skate that lap in six to seven seconds, you don’t have a lot of time.You have to instantaneously know what’s the most helpful thing you can do. Four veterans will do it without thinking about it. But when you have two veterans and two rookies… there’s a lot of learning how best you can use your weakest link.

Q: A:

Seems like it would be rough to get, and keep, people motivated under such conditions.

We’re watching people show up totally intimidated but excited to be there. They have to get over the fact that they totally suck. They may be good at skating, but not derby. And they have to get over their own ego. They have to learn to fall down and then get up and not take it personally. That’s huge for personal development.

And they have to get along with other personalities–there’s no regulation on the types of personalities we let on the track.

Then, if they decide to stick around,

Q: A:

For instance, we’re very well known for our hospitality. Pretty much everyone on the team has family and careers. Women with families are doing this. So taking time out to host other derby teams can be difficult. But our people are really passionate.

You have a rough day at work, and then you put your body and mind through the ringer.

People you love are attacking you. People you hate are attacking you. It can be very therapeutic.

People don’t go home with hard feelings to the best of our ability. Instead, we try to give them the satisfaction of being in something cooperative. How many sports ask you to do all that, then you get together after with the opposing team, crack a beer and talk story?

Q: A:

What are your practices like?

We have practice three times a week–Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Quite a few people also offer cross-training opportunities, like skating Mokulele Highway. We do a variety of things, and a lot of scrimmaging in the middle of practice. We’re trying to set it up like a tournament. They have halfhour games because there are so many teams. So we’ll have half hour scrimmages, then do a half hour of seeing where we’re going wrong.

Practices can be challenging because our skill levels are so different. We’ve had boot camps over the last year. The challenge is having vets walk away feeling challenged and the new girls walk away not wanting to quit.

On the Hawaii state team, quite a few of them are people who coach their league, and everyone has the same story: they’re struggling to get people to show up. The people who do show are largely new girls.

Do they bench the new girl, who is enthusiastic, for the stud, even though the stud hasn’t been around and hasn’t earned it?

It’s the same everywhere.

Q: A:

How do you deal with injuries?

We always have someone on the injured list. The majority of them come on crutches to practice. And they try to help out how they can. That’s what our league is made of.

Think about it: you break your leg playing derby. It’s really easy to stay home, but they’re chomping at the bit to get back at it. Meanwhile, their boyfriends are like, “maybe you should reconsider what you’re doing…”

Q: A:

Indeed. Lastly, I think you have a fundraiser coming up.

The fundraiser coming up at the end of the season is our drag king show. This year the theme is “An Evening With Wayne And Garth.” Two of our members will dress like Wayne’s World, and that will be the theme of the variety show. It will be in November.

We also donated VIP tickets to the Maui Economic Development Board Ke Alahele Education Fund Dinner and Auction. That happens Aug. 23. And we’re always looking for volunteers, sponsorship opportunities. We have to pay to play, so we’re always trying to raise money.

For more information, check out Mauirollergirls.com ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

AUGUST 21, 2014

11

MAUI FOOD + DRINK WITH MAUITIME

FLAVOR

.com 12 AUGUST 21, 2014

Food & Drink

by Jen Russo

Arizona Bartender Wins Annual Mai Tai Festival

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

But Maui mixologists still do well at annual Big Island competition

Michael Soo, Winner & Mark Nigbur, Master Distiller

T

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

Creating the world's best Mai Tai

The competitors were scored on appearance (8), aroma (4), creativity (7), taste (15), proficiency (4), theme and flavor of rum (4) for a total of 42 points.

Maui bartenders did very well for themselves. Defending champ Wendy Romlein of Hali’imaile General Store competed again this year, placing second. Romlein brought back her Tai Mai and won $5,000 in second place. Matt Corbin of Montage Kapalua’s Cane and Canoe Restaurant came in third, winning $2,500. This is the first time the competition had a second and third place with prize winnings.

“It was exciting to see over 2,000 spectators ‘yeahing’ you on, under the watchful eye of the judging panel,” says Romlein about the festival. “One of the highlights of the Mai Tai Fest is always having emcee Joey Gottesman working with us and for us.

Working with so much talent, talking story and sharing our different ingredients and skills, from outside of Hawaii. The professionalism from everyone involved, very well organized, and a pleasure to work closely with all that made this event happen!”

Mari Howe is from here. He even admits to drinking a Mai Tai or two on Maui soil.

“I’ve been to Hawaii twice before,” says Soo. “My girlfriend’s parents live on Maui, and so we’ve been out a couple of times to visit them. Those two trips certainly helped with inspiration for the cocktail.

My favorite Mai Tai is from Monkeypod Kitchen, and I can’t wait to try the new bar at Andaz. I believe that’s where Fernando Sousa (one of my co-competitors) works.

There is a guy Scott (I think he goes by BeachBumz) in Kihei that makes tikis, and I made sure to stop by his place. His tikis are amazing works of art. One of the places I HAVE to go to is the Paia Fish Market for the Ono Burger. Oh man. That thing is SO good. Other than that, we went out to Ka’anapali and hung out on the beach in front of Hula Grill listening to music.”

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

he annual search for the world’s greatest Mai Tai has concluded, with the sixth annual Don the Beachcomber Mai Tai Festival crowning Michael Soo from Bar Crudo in Arizona. Soo, who competed with 20 other bartenders from the U.S. at the Royal Kona Resort this weekend, won $10,000.

“I felt confident in my ability to create a great cocktail,” says Soo. “I have a lot of great mentors, including Jason Asher, Clint ‘Spotty’ Spotleson, Kim Haasarud, Layla Linn, Richie Moe, my girlfriend Mari Howe, and even my boss and co-competitor Micah Olsen. I believed that I would do very well at the competition.”

This is the second year the competition has used Sammy Hagar’s Beach Bar Rum as the featured spirit. Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum is made in Hali‘imaile, and master distiller Mark Nigbur was one of the competition’s five judges. The others were Christian Self, winner of the 2010 Mai Tai Festival; Chris Teves, publisher of the Hawaii Beverage Guide; TJ Gorrance; and Ippy Iona, chef and competitor on The Next Food Network Star.

Soo said he did have some challenges preparing his cocktail.

“At home, I use ‘vintage’ ice. Similar ice would be cubed ice or Kold Draft ice. In Kona, the ice was just little tiny, hollow cubes, so I had to make sure that I didn’t over-shake the drink and over-dilute the drink,” he says. “Did I think I was going to win? Hmm... I had a lot of highs and lows leading up to the competition. The week of the competition, we were asked to prepare six drinks instead of the five drinks, and this certainly made it tough to make sure I had the supplies I needed. The trays I used, in fact, were from the local farmer’s market, and were purchased the day of the competition. The plumerias, and red and green Ti leaves were all sourced from the Royal Kona grounds after asking for permission from the groundskeeper.”

The "A Hui Hou" Mai Tai

Soo learned about the Mai Tai Festival at his local United States Bartenders Guild Phoenix chapter. They held a local Mai Tai competition, in which 19 Arizona bartenders competed outside in 105-degree heat.

The prize was a trip to Kona to for the top two, and Soo won (his boss Micah Olsen from Bar Crudo was the other winner).

Soo says he will invest his winnings in his barware idea.

“I’m starting up a barware company called Clink & Clank, and I plan on using the money from the competition to increase inventory,” says Soo. “I want to bring 100 percent USA-made products to bartenders across the country at reasonable prices so they can start creating cocktails with quality equipment. Bar tools by bartenders for bartenders. I think everyone should be able to make amazing cocktails, and afford quality bar tools to facilitate those drinks.”

Soo says one of the highlights for the competition was his dad got to travel to Kona at the last minute to see him compete. He says he’s traveled to Maui because his girlfriend

Winning Recipe: “A Hui Hou” Combine: - 1.5 oz Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum - 0.5 oz Haleakala Distillery Maui Dark Rum - 1.0 oz Strawberry Lilikoi Juice - 0.5 oz Fresh Pineapple Juice (strained) - 0.5 oz Fresh Lime Juice (strained) -0.5 oz Giffard’s Orgeat Syrup -3-5 drops Fresh Ginger Extract At home, I used “vintage” ice. Similar ice would be cubed ice or Kold Draft ice.

To make the foam used on top: -2.0 oz Perfect Puree Passion Fruit Puree -4.0 oz Simple Syrup (1:1 Maui Turbinado Raw Cane Sugar:Water) -2.0 oz Water -1/4 bar spoon Xanthan Gum (powdered) Combine everything in an Isi Gourmet Whip, shake and charge with a cream charger. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

AUGUST 21, 2014 13

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‘I’m A Little Crazy’ Talking story with comedian Bobby Lee PHOTO COURTESY BOBBY LEE FACEBOOK

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Bobby Lee

C

omedian Bobby Lee makes his Maui appearance this Thursday (7:30pm) at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center’s Castle Theatre.

He will be serving up his spicy Asian humor straight from Hollywood, so we took a moment to chat with him to see if he’s Korean enough for bulgogi...

MT: I would like to thank you for introducing me to the term “chuckle fuckers” via the podcast DVDASA. Are there any other terms you think it would be good for us islanders to know?

MAUITIME: Do you think you have to be dark to be a good comedian? You have done comedy fucked up and sober. Was the transition hell or an opportunity for more material for your show?

MT: Is this your first trip to Maui? What are your plans?

BOBBY LEE: You don’t have to be dark to be a good comedian, you have to be funny.

Most comics I know are actually healthy, well adjusted people. I’m a little crazy because I’m a recovering drug addict and I’m Korean. Koreans are nuts....and so are Filipinos.

I guess all Asians are a little crazy. My sobriety hasn’t affected my act in a negative or positive way. I guess I show up to gigs more often when I’m sober so it’s a good thing.

MT: My eight-year-old daughter wants to take a stand up comedy class this semester.

Am I a horrible mom for enrolling her?

Should I encourage her potty humor?

BL: If your daughter is brave enough to do stand-up, you should support her.

When I was eight, I ate boogers and my parents thought I had Down’s Syndrome so your daughter is way ahead of me.

BL: I don’t use chuckle fuckers anymore, I say Road Gash, but it’s kinda sexist?

BL: This my fourth trip to Maui and I can’t wait! I’m gonna eat at Mama’s Fish House and then I’m gonna sleep while my brother spends my money. It’s gonna be wonderful. I’m kidding, but I seriously love the islands. The last time I did a show in Maui was about 10 years ago with Steve Byrne and Ken Jeung and we sold four tickets so I’m really looking forward to it.

MT: We found out you hooked up on Tinder with your hottie Filipina girlfriend.

The pics she posts of you in your underwear on Twitter are hilarious. Was that a requirement to date you?

BL: Yes, my girlfriend and I met on Tinder.

Her name is Khalyla and she is half Filipino and half Egyptian. I just tell everyone she’s Mexican, it’s easier that way. She is really hot and everyone loves her. I’m hot, too, if you are into super short Asian dudes that have bodies shaped like a scallop. She will be with me in Hawaii.

MT: What was going through your mind when you heard Robin Williams killed himself?

MT: Can you make good kim chee?

BL: I am still in shock that Robin is gone.

I’ve only talked to him a couple of times and he was a sweet dude. It’s a huge loss to the comedy community and he will not be easily forgotten. I went to his memorial at the Comedy Store [in Los Angeles] the other day and all these comedy icons and juggernauts attended. He affected so many people and it was awesome just to be there.

MT: You’ve said you hate authority, and that’s why you took a different route in life. What do you have to say about the shit going down in Ferguson?

MT: Which comedians do you admire?

BL: The comics I admire working today are Billy Burr and Sebastian Maniscalco. They have different styles but I will never get tired of watching them work. Bill is extremely personal and honest on stage and Sebastian’s observations are relevant and yet classic.

14 AUGUST 21, 2014

by Jen Russo

BL: I do not know how to make Kim Chi but I do know how to write it in English.

BL: What’s happening in Ferguson is a nightmare. ISIS in Iraq, the Ukraine situation and Ebola is also unsettling. The world is in chaos.

Therefore, everyone should come to my show to watch a naked Korean man dance for an hour. It will help you forget, I think.

Check out Bobby Lee at Facebook.com/ IamBobbyLee ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more A&E news, visit MauiTime’s events blog at: mauivents.com

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Murray Thorne will once again channel Pink Floyd, this time at the Mill House

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Murray Thorne

P

ink Floyd fans will rejoice that Murray Thorne’s In the Flesh performance–which debuted at Stella Blues in 2012–will return this weekend. Keith Langlois of Epic Lighting and Scott Johnson of Dogtown Designs will once again team with Murray to bring the solo, two-night audio/visual experience alive.

“We were looking for a new venue for quite some time because really the only feedback we got from the original Stellas show was that people wanted to see the lights and the screen and everything in a bigger room,” says Thorne. “So we found a bigger room at the Mill House at the Tropical Plantation that enabled us to upsize a bunch of stuff. We added visuals, more lights, more eye candy. We added props, and more to the stage design and we added to the Pink Floyd/The Wall-style visually.”

The show will open to old French cafe tunes on an accordion by Klaus Simmer, which sets the scene for a World War II-themed environment. Thorne says the underlying 1940s motif is something that attracted him to the original Roger Water’s character Pink.

“The story of the character Pink is told lyrically and visually in the original flick,” says Thorne. “He loses his father in the war when he is young and grows up fatherless. So did Roger Waters. That multiplied by some of the other things Pink goes through: over-bearing mother, terrible relationship with women, never having a positive male role model in his life. A lot of what happens to the character losing himself is referenced back to the fact he lost his father to the war.”

Thorne can relate.

“My father died when I was young,” he says. “Fortunately for me, it was not due to war, but I did have an uncle I never met that did die in World War II. My mom and all my uncles on the British side of my family were part of the war era. One of my uncles saw action on the beach on D-Day. I grew up with all this getting passed to me as the first generation after the war. I think that’s what affects me personally.”

Thorne designed the film shown at In the Flesh himself, and plays the soundtrack to the film live. Langois’ visual show backs it up with 360 degrees of light. There will be popcorn and hotdogs, as well as cocktails for purchase.

“I’m not trying to do The Wall like Pink Floyd/Roger Waters in an arena, but I would like to reference the same idea of it,” says Thorne. “To me, that visual of the wall is long and wide. I always wanted to be able to do it in a bigger, wider room. Now that some time has passed since I made the movie, I can concentrate on playing the music.

In the last show, I was juggling both at the same time and figuring out my rig, set-up and sound effects. It was all so new to me.

Now the show’s much more relaxed.”

Tickets for In The Flesh are available at Intheflesh.eventbrite.com and at the Mill House Box Office. The cost is $25 advance or $30 at the door. Go to Facebook.com/ intheflesh for more info. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more A&E news, visit MauiTime’s events blog at: mauivents.com

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Picks

by Marina Satoafaiga

This Weeks Picks THURSDAY, AUG. 21 ‘A WILL FOR THE WOODS’ – The Temple of Peace presents the Maui premiere of the documentary A Will For The Woods this Thursday. Starring musician, psychiatrist and folk dancer Clark Wang, the film follows Wang’s diagnosis with lymphoma and his big plans to leave Earth by fulfilling his request for a “green burial.” What does that look like? Watch the movie! $5-$10. 7pm. Temple of Peace (575 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-5220, Templeofpeacemaui.com.

BOBBY LEE – We’ve got MADtv star Bobby Lee at the MACC, and it’ll most likely be pretty damned funny. The barista-turned-comedian has starred in films like Pineapple Express and Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. He’s also made appearances on Jay Leno and at the famous Comedy Store in Hollywood. Catch the San Diego native on the Maui leg of his nationwide tour. $20-$38. 7:30pm. The Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Yokouchi Pavilion (One Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy Bobby Lee Facebook Page

THURSDAY, AUG. 21 PICNIC FOR POKI – Take a breath of fresh air during ing Picnic for iian slack key Poki this Thursday. This month, the show features Hawaiian 970s group guitarist Kevin Brown and Sheldon Brown of the 1970s so be Waiehu Sons. Bass player Joe Bommarito will also n trathere. Bring your lunch, grab a coworker and get lost in reat ditional Hawaiian slack key. You can also take a sweet treat back to the office, compliments of Roselani Place..

Free. 11am. Ka’ahumanu Church (103 S. High St., Wailuku). Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons

ISLAND BREEZE – What do you get when you combine Japanese flute, slack key guitar and Taiko drums? Why, this Thursday’s Maui Arts and Cultural Center performance of the trifecta known as Island Breeze, of course. The group marries the talents of Riley Lee, Jeff Peterson and Kenny Endo. Following a successful concert at the UH Manoa Orvis Auditorium, the trio recorded a collaborative CD, the release of which is the reason for the big MACC show. $30-$45. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, McCoy Studio (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy the MACC

FRIDAY, AUG. 22 MURRAY THORNE – Murray Thorne is returning to Maui for an encore presentation of “In the Flesh.” Catch the solo two-night musical and visual experience at The Mill House at The Maui Tropical Plantation this Friday and Saturday. Featuring the music of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, guests are invited to get lost as Thorne wows them using synchronized lighting and interactive movie. Food and beverages will be available for purchase. $25 advanced. $30 door. Doors 6pm. Show 7pm. The Mill @ The Maui Tropical Plantation (1670 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Wailuku), Mauitropicalplantation.com. Photo: Sean M. Hower

KIHEI FOURTH FRIDAY – Head south for the monthly Kihei Fourth Friday town party at the Azeka Shopping Center. With food trucks, activities, entertainment, crafters and keiki games, there’s something for everyone. There will e also be live music from bluegrass artist Flat Jackson and the u upbeat rhythms of Pacific Empire. Halau Hula Ola’ i Hou will perform while the Royal Kings will be on the Food Courtt d stage. Talk story, kick back and enjoy an evening centered g around Maui’s Southside. Free. 6pm-9pm. Azeka Shopping Center Mauka (1279 S. Kihei Rd.), Kiheifridays.com.

SATURDAY, AUG. 2 SHOP FOR A CAUSE – Shop for a local cause this Saturday during Macy’s annual Shop For A Cause event.

When your purchase a $5 discount card, you can enjoy up to 25 percent savings on goods you buy Aug. 23. But the important part is that it benefits a local participating charity and/or the March of Dimes, Macy’s national in-store beneficiary. So choose your favorite local nonprofit, find out if they are a participating beneficiary, then buy a discount card. Exclusions and restrictions apply. $5. Macy’s, Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center (275 W Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Shopforacause.macysinc.com. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

MNBG LECTURE & PLANT SALE – Expand your knowledge of botany that’s unique to our island home during Maui Nui Botanical Garden’s Hawaiian Plant Sale and Lecture this Saturday. The free event will discuss local conservation efforts, indigenous crops and Hawaii’s biodiversity. Who knows, you might get inspired to plant a garden or two. They’ll offer a wealth of resources, along with an extensive selection of endemic native plants for purchase. Have questions? Experts will be on hand to offer advice. 9am-12noon. Maui Nui Botanical Gardens (150 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului); 808-249-2798, Mnbg.org. Photo courtesy MNBG

SATURDAY, SATU U RDAY, AUG. 2 INTERACTIVE ANIMATION WORKSHOP FOR TEENS – This Saturday, the Hui No’eau is inviting teens to a day-long workshop on video game design. Inspire your keiki’s creative side with instruction in basic animation technique, screen-based storytelling and a action script programming. It’s open to all levels of ex experience, and teens will learn the fundamentals of crea creating interactive narratives. $55 member. $69 non member (p (plus the supply list on website). 10am-3pm. Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560, Huinoeau.com.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons Huin

SHELTER PETS BENEFIT – Flashback to the 1980s at Lulu’s this Saturday and help out the Maui Humane Society.

Jam to 80s cover band I Want Candy (8pm), quench your thirst with $2 Steinlager Pure drink specials and refuel with a “Helping Paws” Hawaiian plate. Don your raddest outfit for a chance at prizes and dance into the early morning with DJ Big Mike in the mix (10pm-1:30am). Proceeds will benefit MHS’ shelter pets. $5 pre-sale. $7 door. 8pm10pm- Band & Specials. 10pm-1:30am-DJ & Donation entry. Lulu’s (1221 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Lahaina), Mauihumanesociety.org. Photo courtesy MHS

SATURDAY, SA AT TU U RDAY, AUG. 2 FREE MASSAGE – Calling all Maui ER doctors, ER nurses, firefighters, lifeguards and police officers: the Maui School of Therapeutic Massage Student Clinic in Makawao wants to give you a complimentary massage. As a thank you for their public service, the clinic is offering free massages on Saturday, Aug. 23. Simply call in and make a reservation. Take a minute to relax and rejuvenate. Free.

9:15am-12:45pm. Maui School of Therapeutic Massage (1043 Makawao Ave. Suite 207); 808-572-2277, Massagemaui.com. Photo courtesy MSTM

SK SKULL FEST – Want a little punk, rock and Reggae?

Sku Fest has the lineup for you this Saturday at CharSkull ley in Paia. Featuring the Freeradicals Projekt, ley’s Kry Kryptones with Teomon and The B.A.D.S., a portion of the evening’s proceeds will go towards The Paia Youth & Cultural Center. Enjoy live music and giveaways for the best skull gear. 21 & over. $10. 9pm. Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon (142 Hana Highway, Paia); 808-579-8085, Charleysmaui.com. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

SUNDAY, AUG. 24 DADDY’S LITTLE SWEETHEART BALL – This Sunday, we’ve got Daddy’s DADDY Sw Little Sweetheart Ball. As you might expect, it’s enchanted evening for Daddy l and his little girl (four years and older). The duo can look forward to a red carpet entrance, photo booth, meeting princess characters, a glow dance party and more. Here’s a chance for Dad to spend quality time with that special little lady (or ladies) in your life. Advanced purchased tickets ONLY. Proceeds will benefit Imua Family Services. $50 per duo ($20 per additional daughter). 4pm-7pm. Maui Beach Hotel (170 (17 W Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Sweetheartball808.com.

BEST OF MAUI MAHALO PARTY – South Shore Tiki Lounge is inviting you for a drink or two this Sunday in celebration of the bar’s MauiTime Best of Maui “Best Bar” award.

As a mahalo to our readers, all are invited for live music, specials and giveaways throughout the day. Enjoy libations from Maui Moon Vodka and Pau Maui Vodka as well as music from Gomega (10pm). Come see why Maui voted Tiki Lounge the island’s Best Bar! South Shore Tiki Lounge (1913 S Kihei Rd.), Southshoretikilounge.com. Photo: Sean M. Hower

AUGUST 21, 2014

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YOUR YOU UR HALF PRICE GUIDE TO KAMA·AINA DINING

T

he summer tourist season on Maui is coming to an end...

September is the perfect time to get local residents back into Maui restaurants. Our Taste of Maui Issue is your best opportunity to tell Maui Time readers all about your September Kama'aina specials.

Just offer a half off special for an entree item at least one day per week, and you qualify for special half price advertising rates and a FREE listing in this special edition.

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To reserve space contact Brad at 808-283-3260 7mauitime.com or email brad7 7mauitime.com or Tommy at 808-283-0512 or tommy7

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18 AUGUST 21, 2014

DEAL END DATE:

Film

by Barry Wurst II

Mission: Implausible ‘The Expendables 3’ has lots of explosions and old guys, little else ★★★★★ Rated PG13 / 126 Min.

T

he plot of The Expendables 3 is so besides the point, I’ll mention it first to get it out of the way. The Sylvester Stallone-lead team of warriors for hire now seek vengeance after one of their own is critically wounded by a formerExpendable-turned-bad guy (Mel Gibson).

Among the many new team members, we have an agile, ex-convict... well, I was trying to think of ways to describe the role, but all you need to know is that he’s played by Wesley Snipes. For all the care the screenplay takes in setting up the newcomers, it’s who they are to us off screen that really matters: Wow, that’s Antonio Banderas! Hey, it’s UFC champion Ronda Rousey! Look, it’s that guy from Twilight! Actually, why is he here?

During a long scene in which a villain taunts a group of heroes while captured, it suddenly hit me where I’d witnessed this before: it’s an effective re-do of the tense Tom Cruise/Philip Seymour Hoffman confrontation in Mission: Impossible III. In fact, there were more than a few times when

Ethan Hunt’s adventures were being mimicked. That’s a problem, as Stallone’s series has never been hip, slick or light on its feet.

Even more so than inevitable franchise fatigue, the biggest hurdle for Expendables 3 is an identity crisis. The first Expendables had a real-world commentary on dictatorships, water boarding and human suffering. The 2012 sequel was equally tough but threw in a lot of one-liners, lightened up the tone considerably and even introduced a villain named Vilain, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

The third time around, the movie wants to have it both ways, as a comedy and a bone crusher. It’s rated PG-13 and the bloodshed isn’t as messy but the pile of bodies remain stacked high. When Stallone’s Barney Ross and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Trench have a secret meeting to discuss their latest mission, I kept waiting for a jokey line that winked at either of their former movie roles. The scene passed and I realized, Oh, I was supposed to be listening for plot points and watching the acting.

Much later on, it’s a different story, as Schwarzenegger reprises one of his most beloved one-liners (not “I’ll Be Back,” which he’s likely polishing for next sum-

Ok, who stole my prune danish?

mer’s Terminator Genisys). How much of this we’re supposed to be emotionally invested in or just laughing at, I’m unsure.

I enjoy these movies for being robust, jocular action movies and tongue in cheek parodies of 1980s explosion-fests but this latest installment felt a little off. A sequence of recruiting a new team goes on far too long, as Stallone and Kelsey Grammer (out of place but somehow making his appearance work) repeatedly drive out to a remote location, watch some young scrapper do something macho, then nod and say, “he’ll do.” This portion takes up much of the running time.

The large ensemble cast is too crowded.

As the camera cuts to the many, many people on screen kicking butt during the well-staged grand finale, the performers are trying hard to make each of their moments count. Like

a kid yelling, “Mommy, watch me!,” I felt bad for Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Glen Powell and all the others I forgot were in this movie. Rousey is engaging, gorgeous and an obvious star in the making but she’s not showcased enough. Snipes has a big introduction but, in the same way, is shoved to the background. Banderas stands out for giving a real performance while surrounded by beefy non-actors. Harrison Ford has a striking introduction but overstays his welcome.

Oddly enough, Gibson gives the film the most juice. Unlike his unfortunate lampooning in Machete Kills, Gibson brings dimension to his top-rate villainy. I wouldn’t call this a comeback but then, The Expendables have always been a franchise for troubled action stars to come back.

He’s the most authentic Expendable and the movie’s secret (and lethal) weapon. ■

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Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Sin City: A Dame To Kill For-R- FRI-SUN 10:25 12:00 12:45 3:10 5:30 7:00 8:00 9:30 10:15, MON 10:25 12:00 12:45 3:10 7:00 9:30 10:15, TUE-WED 10:25 12:00 12:45 3:10 5:30 7:00 8:00 9:30 10:15 Guardians Of The Galaxy-PG13- 2D THU 11:15 1:55 2:55 4:35 5:35 7:10 9:55 10:30, 3D 12:15 8:10, FRI-WED 11:15 12:15 1:55 2:55 4:35 5:35 7:10 8:10 9:55 10:30 Lucy-R- THU-WED 11:45 1:45 3:45 5:45 7:45 9:45 Into The Storm-PG13- THU 10:50 1:00 3:10 5:10 7:15 9:30, FRI-WED 10:00 2:30 4:30 Step Up All In-PG13- 2D THU 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:30 10:00, FRI-WED 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:30 10:00

MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) When The Game Stands Tall-PG- FRI (11:10 1:50 4:30) 7:20 10:10, SAT-SUN (11:10 1:50) 4:30 7:20 10:10, MON-WED (11:10 1:50 4:30) 7:20 10:10 If I Stay-PG13- FRI (11:20 1:50 4:20) 7:00 9:40, SAT-SUN (11:20 1:50) 4:20 7:00 9:40, MON-WED (11:20 1:50 4:20) 7:00 9:40 The Expendables 3-PG13- THU (1:30 4:30) 7:30 10:30, FRI (12:50 3:50) 6:50 10:10, SAT-SUN (12:50) 3:50 6:50 10:10, MON-WED (12:50 3:50) 6:50 10:10 The Giver-PG13-THU (11:20 2:00 4:40) 7:20 10:00, FRI (11:40 2:20 4:50) 7:30 10:20, SAT-SUN (11:40 2:20) 4:50 7:30 10:20, MON-WED (11:40 2:20 4:50) 7:30 10:20 Magic In The Moonlight- PG13- THU (11:20 2:10 4:50) 7:20 10:00, FRI (1:30 4:00) 6:40 9:30, SAT-SUN (1:30) 4:00 6:40 9:30, MON-WED (1:30 4:00) 6:40 9:30 What If-PG13- THU (1:50 4:10) 7:10 9:50, FRI (4:30) 7:00 9:40, SAT-SUN 4:30 7:00 9:40, MONWED (4:30) 7:00 9:40 Earth To Echo-PG- FRI-WED (11:50 2:10) Get On Up-PG13- THU (1:20 3:50) 7:00 10:20, FRI-WED (12:10 3:20) 6:30 9:50

Hercules-PG13- 2D THU (1:30 4:00) 6:40 9:30, 3D(11:00), FRI (1:20 4:00) 6:40 9:30, SAT-SUN (1:20) 4:00 6:40 9:30, MON-WED (1:20 4:00) 6:40 9:30 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-PG13- 2D THU (1:40 4:10) 7:10 9:40, 2D FRI (12:00 2:30 5:00) 7:40 10:30, SAT-SUN (12:00 2:30) 5:00 7:40 10:30, MON-WED (12:00 2:30 5:00) 7:40 10:30, 3D FRI (11:30 2:00 4:30) 7:10 10:00, SAT-SUN (11:30 2:00) 4:30 7:10 10:00, MON-WED (11:30 2:00 4:30) 7:10 10:00 Let’s Be Cops-R- THU (11:30 2:30 5:10) 7:50 10:30, FRI (12:10 2:40 5:10) 7:50 10:30, SAT-SUN (12:10 2:40) 5:10 7:50 10:30, MON-WED (12:10 2:40 5:10) 7:50 10:30 Hundred Foot Journey-PG- THU (1:20 4:20) 6:40 9:50, FRI (12:40 3:50) 6:50 9:50, SAT-SUN (12:40) 3:50 6:50 9:50, MON-WED (12:40 3:50) 6:50 9:50 A Most Wanted Man- R- THU (1:10 4:20) 6:50 9:50

IF I STAY - PG13 - Drama - Chloe Grace Moretz stars as a young woman in a coma who has to choose whether to wake up and live a very different life than she’d planned. 106 min.

GET ON UP - PG13 - Music/Drama - The story of James Brown. Starring Chadwick Boseman, Nelsan Ellis and Dan Aykroyd. 138 min.

NOW PLAYING EARTH TO ECHO - PG - Adventure/Family - A group of kids make friends with an alien, and then try to help it. If this sounds familiar, it just means you’re old. 89 min.

THE EXPENDABLES 3 - R - Action/Nonsense - Nearly every action star ever–and Kelsey Grammer–star in this film about something that involves a lot of ammunition and explosions. See this week’s film review. 126 min.

THE GIVER - PG13 - Drama/SciFi - A community

658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Sin City: A Dame To Kill For-R- 2D FRI-SUN 5:00 10:00, 3D 2:30 7:30, 2D MON 5:00, 3D 2:30 7:30, 2D TUE 5:00 10:00, 3D 2:30 7:30, 2D WED 5:00, 3D 2:30 7:30 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-PG13- 2D 5:00 7:30, 3D THU (2:30), FRI-SUN 1:50 4:15 7:00 9:30, MON 1:50 4:15 7:00, TUE 1:50 4:15 7:00 9:30, WED 1:50 4:15 7:00 Guardians Of The Galaxy- PG13- 2D THU 5:00 7:30, 3D (1:45) 7:15. 2D FRI-SUN 4:30 10:00, 3D 1:45 7:15, 2D MON 4:30, 3D 1:45 7:15, 2D TUE 4:30 10:00, 3D 1:45 7:15, 2D WED 4:30, 3D 1:45 7:15 Into The Storm-PG13- THU (2:00) 4:15 7:00

CALL US TO RESERVE TODAY PRIVATE BARTENDER 23 BEER WITH 23˚

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For opens this week

has no pain or war or suffering, but then an old man teaches some kid about the “real” world. 94 min.

WHEN THE GAME STANDS TALL - PG - Drama/ Sports - Jim Caviezel plays Bob Ladouceur, De La Salle High’s football coach who racked up a 151game winning streak. 115 min.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

OPEN 8AM - 1:30AM 1279 S. KIHEI RD. • 874.9299

NEW THIS WEEK

SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR - R - Action/ Crime - It’s more surreal, hard-boiled action from Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller. Stars Jessica Alba, Eva Green and Mickey Rourke. 102 min.

Planes: Fire And Rescue- 2D THU (1:40 4:40) 7:00 10:20

RENT OUR UPSTAIRS VIP LOUNGE FOR FOOTBALL GAMES

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY - PG13 - Action/ SciFi - Starships, hero pilots, laser blasters, alien monsters, space babes and a talking raccoon (voiced by Bradley Cooper!) all fight something big out in the part of the universe that’s farthest from Earth. 121 min.

THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY - PG - Drama It’s a local restaurant war between famous French chef Madame Mallory and the young Kadam family. 122 min.

HERCULES - PG13 - Action - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson plays Hercules. Expect to see a lot of swords and bare midriffs but precious few talking raccoons. 98 min.

INTO THE STORM - PG13 - Action/Thriller - A bunch of tornados hit a town in one day, so everyone goes nuts. 89 min.

LET’S BE COPS - R - Comedy - Two fools dress up as cops for some party, then start behaving like the real thing. 104 min.

LUCY - R - SciFi/Action - Scarlett Johansson stars in this story about a woman who fights bad people because she’s able to use 100 percent of

her brain pan. 90 min.

MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT - PG13 - Comedy Woody Allen’s latest film stars Antonia Clarke, Natasha Andrews and Colin Firth in a story about an English guy who tries to root out a possible swindle. 97 min.

STEP UP ALL IN - PG13 - Music/Romance - The stars of the last Step Up films dance for coins or fame or whatever young people want these days in Las Vegas. 112 min.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES - PG13 - Action/Adventure - Giant superhero turtles save New York City for some reason. Stars Megan Fox because America. 101 min.

WHAT IF - PG13 - Comedy/Romance - Daniel Radcliffe stars as a guy who learns about love from a girl (Zoe Kazan) who lives with her longtime boyfriend. 102 min.

LAST CHANCE A MOST WANTED MAN - R - Thriller - An undocumented Chechen in Hamburg gets caught up in War On Terror. Stars Grigoriy Dobrygin and the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. 122 min.

PLANES: FIRE AND RESCUE - PG - Animation When Dusty the air racer finds he may never compete again, he decides to become an aerial firefighter. Voices by Julie Bowen, Dane Cook and Ed Harris. 83 min.

AUGUST 21, 2014 21

by Alex Mitchell & Dayna Yamasaki

Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS OLD SCHOOL FRIDAY - Get ready for another old school in the mix kinda night in Kahului this weekend. Show your friends how you do it, and get down to ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s music and videos, all mixed by Joe Cortez. 9pm-1am.

Maui Beach Hotel. ( 170 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); Nextlevel808.com THE RETURN OF JOE CANO - Sat, Aug 23.

Enjoy an evening full of music with Joe Cano & Da Talk of Da Town, Fulton Tushombe, Eddie A Yiles, Jim Downing, James Somera, Mark D’Antonio, Larry Fitzpatrick, Tom Conway, Bob Hernandez and Mitch Kepa. 21+ and over. Show starts at 9:45pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220 PAULA FUGA SINGS THE BLUES - Fri. Aug 22.

You don't want to miss this show that features Hawaii's sultry songstress that can give Adele a run for her money. Fuga will be performing with Na Hoku Jazz Guitarist Benny Uyetaki and Jon Sangrado on the saxophone in this special jazz and blues showcase. This show is part of the month long Maui Blues and Jazz Festival previews we are getting prior to the big Sept 6th festival at the Royal Lahaina. Free.

4-6pm (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636 MARTY DREAD ROCKIN’ SUMMER CONCERT SERIES - Wed. Aug 27. Live music with Marty Dread's new release Upcountry Boy and all of his reggae and rock hits. 6pm. $10. Rock & Brews. (120 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9011; Rockandbrews.com/paia

STAGE ‘MISS SAIGON’ - Fri, Aug 15 - Sun, Aug 24. From the company that brought you last summer’s smash hit Les Misérables, MAPA LIVE presents Miss Saigon on stage for the first time ever on Maui. This raw and heart-wrenching love story of a Vietnamese bar girl and an American Marine during the fall of Saigon features a cast of 45 performers and a 25-piece orchestra. Not recommended for children due to mature language, sexuality and violence. $15-$65. Maui Arts & Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five nights a weeks for 14 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful and entertaining cultural education on Maui.$29.99 Keiki / $59.99 adults. Children 5 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, dinner, and VIP packages are available.

5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808856-7900; Mauitheatre.com BURN’N LOVE–A MUSICAL JOURNEY STARRING DARREN LEE - Daily. Experience Elvis in Hawaii with Burn’n Love! Relive the nostalgia of Blue Hawaii and the Aloha from Hawaii live broadcast that made TV history with the most authentic Elvis tribute show ever presented on stage. Shows Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 8pm. Tickets start at $59.99; kama‘aina and military prices are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 8pm Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com ‘LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL’ - Based on Amanda Brown’s novel, Heather Hach’s book and the 2001 MGM film, Elle Woods (played by Casey Murphy Hughes), Warner Huntington III, Emmett Forrest and the girls of Delta Nu will appear in this local rendition of the law school comedy. The former Hawaiian Tropic girl will give Harvard a run for its money when she proves that there’s more to her than blonde locks.

7:30pm Fridays and Saturdays and 3pm Sundays. $17-$28. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com

22 AUGUST 21, 2014

FOODIE MAUI FRESH STREATERY FRI LATE NIGHT MENU - Fri, Aug 24. For one night only! Food truck aficionados mark your calendars and come out to try one of the tastiest late night menus ever created. 10pm-2am. Shell Gas Station (Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-344-7929. http://www. mauifreshstreatery.com/ VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - Thu, Aug 21. See (and sample) how Chef Rachel Davies uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfast, and desserts. No registration required. For a jump start on the class, check out more than 600 healthy recipes online. First and third Thursday of every month.

Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Down To Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-877-2661; Downtoearth.org JAPENGO SATURDAY SUSHI SCHOOL - Sat, Aug 23. Join Japengo’s sushi chef in their chic sushi lounge. Learn how to create Japengo’s signature sushi rolls from scratch, with hands-on instruction from Chef Jay and Japengo’s team of expert sushi chefs. $50 per person (includes sushi, non-alcoholic beverages, tax and gratuity).

Maximum 20 people per class, reservations are required. Every second and fourth Saturday of every o at the Hyatt Regency, month. 3-4:30pm Japengo anap pali); 808-667(200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 4727; Maui.hyatt.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAU-LAU - Sun, Aug 24. Enjoy a healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first-come, firstserved and does sell out.

Kama‘aina offer not applicable. Ko Restaurant at ui, The Fairmont Kea Lani, Maui, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808875-4100; Fairmont.com

her oil painter mother. Her journey continued merrily into watercolor, acrylic, charcoal, graphic design and photography. Free. 4:30-7:30pm. Maui Hands (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; Mauihands.com RICHARD DIGIACOMO - Sat, Aug 23. Richard DiGiacomo, of Russian and Italian descent, is an accomplished artist who is known for his innovative approach to coloration. Transplanted to Maui, Hawaii in 2010, Richard was ascended to a new level of artistic ability with his newly-created metal fused art. Created by the etching of aluminum panels and color, and fused with various techniques, his technique calls for many coats of clear seals, applied to create depth and movement. Free. 2:30-5:30pm. Maui Hands (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7997; Mauihands.com SAM GRIM - Mon, Aug 25. Fortunate to call Maui his home for the past 30 years, Sam’s love for the Island and Ocean has inspired him to create themed carvings out of the sea glass he finds on the shores of Maui. All pieces of glass were found on Maui beaches and any profits will go to Sam’s favorite charity, his daughter’s college education fund. Meet Sam and watch him in action! Free. 11am-3pm. Maui Hands (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; Mauihands.com ARIEL QUIROZ - Wed, Aug 27. Artist in residence Ariel Quiroz will paint portraits in the gallery. She does drawing, painting, portraiture and the human figure, mixing realistic effects with Impressionism Expr and Expressionism.

Her art stimut imagination and translates the late feelings into arresting lates im images.

Free. 11am-3pm.

M Maui Hands (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-5799245; Mauihands.com

'T N O !

D T E G FOR

POLISH PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBITS - Aug UT 17 - Sep 28. Andrzej O CK Kramarz, from Krakow, CHE EK Poland, will exhibit work AN WE C E U H T m marked by the memory YO .

OF KS E 17 of World War ll. His large G A PIC P phot photographs and video are acON compa companied by taped interviews of people who bring the stories and history back back. C Concurrently in the gallery SOCIAL PULEHU BAR–WINE will be an exhibition curated by Kramarz featuring EVENTS - Every Sun & Mon. Book ahead of time the work of photographer Stefania Gurdowa. The for this fabulous weekly event. Sixteen people maxiphotographs, taken by Gurdowa between 1921 and mum will enjoy three award-winning wines, one bite 1937, were printed from a collection of glass photo to eat and great conversation with new friends. plates found in the attic of her house in Poland. 10am5-5:45pm. For reservations, please visit Opentable.

5pm. Free. Schaefer International Gallery (One Camcom. Pulehu Italian Grill, Westin Ka‘anapali Ocean eron Way, Kahului); 808-243-4288; Mauiarts.org Resort Villas. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali).

RAINBOW DINE-OUT GROUP - Tue, Aug 26.

The Rainbow Dine-Out Group is an opportunity for our LGBT ohana and visitors to meet socially and enjoy a delicious meal. 6pm-8pm. (Every third Thursday, rotating location); 808-446-0549

ISLAND ART PARTY CLASSES - Wed-Sat. Art Party from 6:30-9:30pm, Sunday Morning Art Party 10am-1pm. It’s part art party, part painting class. Island Art Party (1279 S. Kihei Rd.), 808419-6020; Islandartparty.com

ART

TICKETS ON SALE

SUZY, LISA, MARY, DENBY, TODD - Fri, Aug 1 - Sep 14. Visit Viewpoints Gallery to see bunch of pieces from Suzi Papanikolas, Lisa Kasprzycki, Mary Ann LEIGH, Denby Freeland-Cole and Todd Campbell. Free. Viewpoints Gallery (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-5979

UNCLE WILLIE K’S FIRST COMEDY SHOW Thu, Aug 28. Willie K presents “A Pair of Queens and A Pair of Jacks.” The ‘Morning Goddess” Alaka‘i Paleka (Queen of Hearts) will bless you with sheer delight while Francis Tau‘a (Jack of Diamonds) will dazzle your mind with ecstatic precision. Then Kathy “Tita” Collins (Queen of Clubs) will knock you off your feet and Rodney Villanueva (Jack of Spades) will bury you in your seat. This is what happens when Willie K brings you his first comedy show! Tickets: $25/$40. Show starts at 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org

CHRISTINA DEHOFF - Fri, Aug 22. Christina DeHoff has many facets as an artist. A clear and recognizable theme runs through both her figurative visionary paintings and her landscape paintings. She has a unique, tender and intuitive way of communicating that which is sacred in this human experience. Visit Christina and get to know her! Free. 11am-3pm. Maui Hands Gallery (1169 Makawao Ave.); Mauihands.com CHRIS LARSON - Fri, Aug 22. Chris Larson’s artistic journey began at 13 when she took an art class from

SOJA + MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD - Fri, Aug 29. SOJA’s music, a blend of Reggae, go-go, D.C. hardcore, Latin, rock and hip-hop, is about finding the happiness and peace that everyone deserves; their live shows are an explosion of energy and posi-

tivity. Michael Franti also knows about the power of music: how it can inspire, uplift and make people want to dance or cry, and he and his band Spearhead are known for the communal spirit they create. Tickets are $39.50 advance, $45 day-of; VIP $80 advance, $85 day-of. Gates open at 5pm. A&B Amphitheater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS: TUCK & PATTI - Sat, Aug 30.

Over a career of Jazz, R&B and crossover acoustic/ New Age recordings, husband-and-wife duo Tuck & Patti have produced remarkable music with the comforting textures of guitar and voice. Tuck Andress studied classical guitar at Stanford University; Patti Cathcart was classically trained as a vocalist in the San Francisco Bay area. The two began to perform as a duo in 1981. Tickets are $45, and $65. 7:30pm.

McCoy Studio, Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org CELEBRATING MAUI & HULA THROUGH RARE MOVIES & IMAGES - Thu, Sep 11. Join the Hula Preservation Society for a celebration of hula, featuring rare or never-before seen footage from the Society Archives of Maui’s hula and musical greats and the legendary Kumu Hula ‘Iolani Luahine. Tickets are $10. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio, Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org LEON RUSSELL - Wed, Sep 17. Rock & Roll Hall of Famer, music legend and cultural icon Leon Russell gets back to the Islands on his Life Journey Tour.

Russell wrote Joe Cocker’s big hit “Delta Lady,” and his hits include “Back To The Island,” “Hummingbird,” “Tight Rope,” “A Song For You,” “Roll Away The Stone,” “Lady Blue” and “This Masquerade.” Tickets are $45, $50 and $60. Show starts at 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org RON WHITE - Fri, Sep 19. Comedian Ron “Tater Salad” White first rose to fame as the cigar-smoking, Scotch-drinking funnyman from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. White has always been a classic storyteller, with real-life tales of growing up in a small town in Texas to his life as one of the most successful comedians in America. He’s sold more than 14 million albums (solo and with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour), been nominated for two Grammys and is now one of the top three grossing stand-up comedians on tour in America. Tickets are $45, $55, and $65. Show starts at 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org MAVIS STAPLES - Thu, Sep 25. For six decades, Mavis Staples has been the solid rock of American music with her rich raspy voice, from the deltainflected gospel sound she helped create in the 1950s (“Uncloudy Day”), to the engaged protest of the civil rights era (“Freedom Highway”) and then even on pop radio in the 1970s with a series of chart hits (“I’ll Take You There,” “Respect Yourself,” “Let’s Do It Again”). Staples is a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award winner and a National Heritage Fellowship Award recipient.

VH1 named her one of the 100 Greatest Women of Rock and Roll, and Rolling Stone listed her as one of the “100 Greatest Singers of All Time.” Tickets are $35, $45, and $65. Show starts at 7:30pm. Castle Theater. Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org TEDXMAUI 2014 - Sun, Sep 28. This all-day event will present innovative and inspiring speakers and performers who have the courage to dream and change the world with revolutionary ideas. TEDxMaui is an independently organized TED event. This year’s presenters include the Adaptations Dance Theater, Daniel Anthony, Svetlana Berdyugina, Robert Cazimero, Daedelus, B.J. Fogg, Taimane Gardner, Samuel M. ‘Ohukani‘ohi‘a Gon III, Dave Kalama, Rosemary “Rosie” Kulhavy-Sutherland, Edward Readicker-Hen-

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/21

8/22

8/23

8/24

8/25-8/27

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Digiluxe w/DJ Kurt, 10pm

Frisky Friday w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm

Le Grind w/ DJ Blast, 10pm

T Dance w/ DJ Playwfire Ono, 5pm

MON-Mojito Monday’s, TUE-Tequila Tuesday’s w/ DJ Decka, 10pm, WED- Wine Down Wednesday’s w/ DJ Grooveshark 10pm

Johnny Ringo 2-4:30

Alex Calma 2-4:30, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; no cover

TBD

Benny Uyetake, 2-4:30

MON-Kaleo Philips 2-4:30, TUE-Johnny Ringo w/ Augie 2-4:30, WED-Adam Masterson 2-4:30

CASANOVA

Joe Cano & Da Talk of Da Town, 9:45pm

TUE-Willie K, $10 9pm WED- Famous Ladies Night w/DJ Kurt, 9-1am

Yum Yum Beast-Hillbilly Funk, 10pm $10

Skull Fest!! Benefit for PYCC 9pm, $10

MON - Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm, TUE - Tex Mex Tuesday w/ Howard Ahia & Friends 6:308:30, WED-Andrew Corradini 6:30pm

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm , TUE - Jazz 7:30-10pm WED-TBA

SIN

4th Friday Party!

DJ Laura at 9pm

Gina Martinelli, 6pm

TUE-Pool League, WED-Pool Tournament

Quiz at 7pm

DJ at 10pm

Jordan at 7pm

Gina Martinelli at 6pm

MON-Live Music 10pm, TUE-Bartenders Mix, WED- Jessica & Kanoa at 10pm

Kanekoa

The House Shakers

House Shakers Brunch, 12:30-3pm Cole Sulenta, 6:30pm

Jazz Brunch, 1-4pm PM-Rick G

MON- Rick G, WED-Steve Craig

Dominic 4-8pm Rootz N Creation, 9-close

Rick G 4-8pm Dat Guyz 9-close

Ryan Robinson 4-8pm Second Life 9-close

Karaoke 8-close

MON-Karaoke 8-close, WED- Rick G 4-8pm, Open Mic 9-close

1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Thunder & Lightning, 6:30-8:30pm no cover!

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd.- 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-5700

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

derson, Rick Rutiz, Sunny Savage, Maya Soetoro-Ng, Kerrie Urosevich, Kimi Werner, Lindsea K. Wilbur, Dr. Bradley Willcox and Hinaleimoana Wong-Kalu (Kumu Hina). For more information about the presenters and the program, visit: Tedxmaui.com. Tickets are $75 & $100. 9-5pm. Castle Theater, Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-2427469; Mauiarts.org HAWAII INTERNATIONAL TROPICAL FRUIT CONFERENCE - Fri, Sep 12-Sun, Sep 14. Geared toward farmers, educators, orchard managers and proponents of sustainable agriculture, the weeklong event is presented by the statewide Hawaii Tropical Fruit Growers and is open to the public. The conference is titled “It’s All About Production” and offers a variety of breakout sessions, plus visiting researchers and agro experts. Considered the world’s leading expert on post-harvest technology, the University of Hawaii’s Dr. Robert Paull will do a dinner presentation on “Phenology, Productivity and Profits.” Those registering before Aug. 1 will enjoy a discounted fee of up to $75. Kahili Golf Course. (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku); Hawaiitropicalfruitgrowers.org

EVENTS THURSDAY, AUG 21 BLOOD DRIVE - (Thu & Fri) The Blood Bank of Hawaii will be at The Walter Cameron Center for the end of their summer blood drive. Donors should be at least 18, in good health, weigh at least 110 pounds, and possess a valid ID with birth date. Prior to arriving, confirm times and locations. Come one, come all. The Walter Cameron Center (95 Mahalani St., Wailuku); 808-848-4770, BBH.org FREE POLYNESIAN PERFORMANCES HULA SHOW - Free. 7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-6615304; Lahainacannerymall.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU, JR’S GRAMMY AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Experience the music of the

MON-Kaliko’s Way 10-12:30pm, TUE-Elvis of Burnin’ Love 6:30pm, WED-Evan Shulman, 8-11pm

Evan Shulman, 8-11pm Karaoke 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Cole Sulenta

Mel Aruza, 7pm

Rick Glencross, 7pm

masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artists, featuring an award-winning musician every week. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Slackkeyshow.com

FRIDAY, AUG 22 HAWAIIAN ISLANDS LAND TRUST SERVICE PROJECT - Visit Waihe‘e Coastal Dunes and Wetlands Refuge, a remarkable coastal area that’s rich in Hawaiian history and bird watching. Meet at 8am at the Waihee Refuge, located off Halewaiu Road and help remove invasive species and clear brush until 12pm. Bring water and sunscreen, and wear closed-toe shoes, pants and hat for sun protection. Snacks and cold drinks provided. 8am-12pm.

Waihe‘e Refuge. (Halewaiu Road, Waihe‘e); 808249-8811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

WED - Karaoke 9pm Mike Madden & Farzad Azad, 7pm

BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS OF MAUI ART OPENING - The exhibit features works created by “Bigs” and “Littles” from their school-based mentoring programs. These projects were implemented through The Honolulu Museum of Art’s outreach program Art to Go, which nourishes critical thinking and self-esteem through engaging art experiences that spark, creativity, self-reflection and cultural understanding. Free. 3pm. Whole Foods Maui. (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave, Kahului).

MONDAY, AUG 25 VOLUNTEER: HOALOHA‘AINA - Join South Maui volunteers and group leaders Bob and Lis Richardson to help maintain an ocean-side trail, restore sand dunes, pick-up litter and remove invasive species from 7:30am-9:30am. Every Monday. 808-2498811 ext. 1., or email Volunteersonvacation.org

SATURDAY, AUG 23

TUESDAY, AUG 26

VOLUNTEER: HALEAKALA NATIONAL PARK - Free transportation and admission to Haleakala National Park on a volunteering adventure led by a certified naturalist from Pacific Whale Foundation. You’ll help remove invasive plants or help with other projects to protect the park’s unique eco-system. 808249-8811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

FREE SPINE HEALTH SCREENINGS - Dr. James Urban has more than 20 years of experience in the “gonstead” art from of adjusting–the “gold standard” in traditional full-spine adjusting. Urban is offering free health scans of the spine through the use of thermography for Whole Foods Market customers. Thermography reads temperatures along the spine that can indicate pain, trauma, imbalance or other potential hidden health problems and only takes seconds. First-come, first-served. Free.

12:30-3:30pm. Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310 x120

VOLUNTEER: MALAMA HONOKOWAI Volunteer with Malama Honokowai and visit the beautiful and hidden Honokowai Valley, an area closed to the public. Among Hawaiian archaeological sites, you’ll learn about Hawaiian history and culture as you help to remove invasive weed plants and possibly plant native species. 9am-3:30pm. North Sugar Cane Train Station. (Pu‘ukoli Road, Ka‘anapali); 808- 2498811 ext. 1; Volunteersonvacation.org

SUNDAY, AUG 24 FREE HULA SHOW - Free. 11am Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com

WEDNESDAY, AUG 27 SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back.

Meet at South Maui Bicycles shop shortly before 7am. Road bikes recommended. Free. Every Wednesday. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; Southmauibicycles.com GEORGE

KAHUMOKU

JR’S

GRAMMY

MON- Mark Smeltzer, TUE-Mike Madden & Farzad Azad, WED-Fulton Teshombe

AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Every Wednesday experience the music of the masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artists, featuring an award winning artist every week. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Slackkeyshow.com

FARMERS MARKET, ART/CRAFT FAIRS NAPILI FARMERS MARKET - Wed 8-11 am.

Across the highway from Napili Market, before Maui Preparatory Academy FARMERS MARKET OF MAUI, HONOKOWAI - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Lots of fresh local produce plus baked and canned goods. 7-11am Farmers Market Maui & Deli, (3636 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Kahana); 808-669-7004 FARMERS MARKET OF MAUI, KIHEI - MonFri. Sample the goods at this local market for fresh produce. On Fridays, open until 5pm. 8am-4pm Farmers Market of Maui, (61 S. Kihei Rd.); 808875-0949 MAKAWAO FARMERS MARKET - Every Wed. Fresh produce. Everything sold is Maui Grown, non-GMO and organic. 9am-2pm Po‘okela Church, (200 Olinda Rd., Makawao); 808-419-1570 FARMERS MARKET IN PAIA - Daily. Island grown fruit smoothies, coconut water and fresh juices. Organically grown Maui fruits and veggies.

Produce boxes available. Support your local farmers at One Love Market at the Historic Paia Train Station. 10am-6pm One Love Market, (381 Baldwin Ave, Paia); 808-280-9019; Onelovemarket.com.

ONO ORGANIC FARMS - Daily (except Sat). A family-owned and operated, certified organic coffee and tropical fruit farm. 10:30am-6pm. Ono Organic Farms, (149 Hana Hwy., Hana).

AUGUST 21, 2014 23

SOLO ARTISTS,

HAPPY HOUR

BANDS & DJ’S

DAILY 3PM - 5PM | NIGHTLY 9PM - CLOSE

LIVE MUSIC

MONDAY 10PM - 12:30AM WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY 8PM - 11PM

$

2.50 PBR

$

3.00

BUD AND BUD LITE DRAFT

$

4.00

FIREBALL & WASHINGTON APPLE F

$

5.00

BAHAMA MAMA 900 FRONT ST. B7 | LAHAINA, HI | 808-667-7400 LOCATED IN THE OUTLETS OF MAUI (FORMERLY LAHAINA CENTER)

24 AUGUST 21, 2014

WE NEED YOUR PRESS PHOTO PLEASE EMAIL YOUR HIGH RESOLUTUTION PHOTO OR TWO TO:

calendar@mauitime.com

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/21

8/22

8/23

8/24

8/25-8/27

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KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Kawika’s Krew

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

Jarod or Maui Blues & Co 7pm; no cover

MON - John Ness or The Vamp TUE - Kihei Cowboys WED - Country Herb & Side Effects, 7pm

1810’, 6:30-8:30pm

Scotty Freeman, 8-10pm

1810’, 8pm

JD & Harry 3-5pm, Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm

MON -Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm, TUE & WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON-Trivia 7-9pm

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE

Free Karaoke All Day!

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

DJ Andrew Dana & Friends, 10:30pm, $5 cover

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Rock Thursdays & Pool Tournament 8pm-close

MAUI BEACH HOTEL 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MILL HOUSE (MAUI TROPICAL PLANTATION) 1670 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Waikapu- 243-9618

KULA COUNTRY FARMS - Daily (except Mon). Kula Country Farm stand offers fruits and vegetables that are only locally grown and harvested fresh then stocked on the shelves daily. Open T-Th 11am to 5pm. 11am4pm. Kula Country Farms, (Kula Highway at Kekaulike Avenue, Kula) OPEN MARKET - Every Wed. Hale Ku‘ai Open Market features fresh fruit and vegetables open to the public on Wednesday from 11am to 2pm.

Available for pre orders pick up on Wednesday call 984-2156 or email lanakilahalekuai@gmail. com. Free. 11am-2pm. Open market, (1977 Main St., Wailuku); 808-984-2156 FEED MY SHEEP PRODUCE LAHAINA Every Thu. FMS Produce is a mobile produce market that sells fresh Upcountry Produce to benefit Feed My Sheep and the hungry on Maui. Those who financially qualify will be able to buy the produce at a 75 percent discount and SNAP (food stamps) will be accepted. Free. 10am-12pm. Republic Parking Lot, (Corner of Dickenson and Waine‘e, Lahaina); Feedmysheepmaui.com.

HANA FRESH FARMER’S MARKET - Every Thu. 11am-3pm. Hana Fresh, (4590 Hana Hwy., Hana).

FARMERS MARKET UHMC - Every Mon & Thu. Enjoy fresh sustainably grown produce including tomatoes, lettuce, eggplant, squash, kale, beets, radish, herbs, Asian greens, daikon, chard, flowers and more. Grown on campus by Agriculture and Natural Resource students. 12-1:30pm. University of Hawaii Maui College, (310 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3500; Maui.hawaii.edu.

FEED MY SHEEP PRODUCE KAHANA - Every Thu. FMS Produce is a mobile produce market that sells fresh Upcountry Produce to benefit Feed My Sheep and the hungry on Maui. Free. 2-4pm.

Lahaina Christian Fellowship Church, (4275 Hine Way, Kahana); Feedmysheepmaui.com.

LIPOA STREET FARMERS MARKET IN KIHEI - Every Sat. Fruits, produce and Ono Farm sourced foods. 8:30am-11:00am. (95 Lipoa St., Kihei).

MAUI SWAP MEET - Every Sat. From camo hunting gear and koa carvings to vintage aloha postcards and delicate, locally-crafted jewelry, produce market, this place pretty much has it all. 50 cents admission. 7am-1pm. Maui Com-

Ignite Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & Kamikaze, 10pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Murray Thorne, 6pm

Murray Thorne, 6pm

munity College, (310 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-244-3100; Mauiexposition.com UPCOUNTRY FARMER’S MARKET - Every Sat. Find the best veggies, fruits, flowers and plants, Maui farmers have to offer. Plus, extra goodies like jams and jellies. 7-11am Kulamalu Town Center (near Longs Drugs), 808-283-3257; Upcountryfarmersmarket.org LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR - Every Sun & Sat. Under the shade of Lahaina’s famous Banyan Tree, check out over 50 select Maui artists. Listen to live music and find unique treasures including paintings, ceramics, jewelry, photography, glass art, wood carvings, baskets and more. Free. 9am-5pm.

Banyan Tree Park, (649 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-9175; Visitlahaina.com.

FEED MY SHEEP PRODUCE KAHULUI Every Sat. FMS Produce is a mobile produce market that sells fresh Upcountry Produce to benefit Feed My Sheep and the hungry on Maui. Those who financially qualify will be able to buy the produce at a 75 percent discount and SNAP (food stamps) will be accepted.

Free. 9:30am-12pm Christ the King Church, (Corner of Wakea Avenue and Pu‘unene Avenue., Kahului); Feedmysheepmaui.com.

HANA FRESH FARMER’S MARKET - Mondays.

3-6pm Hana Fresh, (4590 Hana Hwy., Hana).

ARTISAN FAIR - Mondays. Come to shop, stay to dine. Local made on Maui Artists showcasing and selling artwork, photography, jewelry, accessories, clothing, massage and wellness.

Cash bar and complimentary valet. Free entry.

5-10pm. Longhi’s Lahaina, (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; Longhis.com.

KARAOKE FREE KARAOKE - Every Sun & Wed. L‘ava Sports Bar & Karaoke, (1088 L. Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-4888 KARAOKE - Every Wed. No cover. 10pm-1am Lulu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808 KARAOKE WITH “AUNTIE” TODDY LILIKOI IN THE LOUNGE AREA - Every Fri & Sat. Oku’s sushi is available until 11:30pm.

MON- S.I.N. 10pm, TUE-Trivia Night 8pm, WED-Karaoke 10pm Daddy’s Little Sweetheart Ball, 4-7pm

Old School Friday, 9pm

1 70 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului - 877-0051

MERRIMAN’S

Latin Friday’s w/ DJ Danny & DJ Moy, 10pm no cover

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-9:30pm, FREE

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

9:30pm Kobe Japanese Steakhouse & Oku’s Sushi Bar, (136 Dickenson St., Lahaina); 808-667-5555; kobemaui.com

man 8pm; Mon, Kaliko’s Way 10pm; Tue, Elvis Burnin’ Love 6:30pm; (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400.

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT - Every Sun & Mon. Welcoming all workers from the food and beverage industry to let loose and belt a tune. Half off food and drinks. No Cover. 8pm Haui’s Life’s A Beach, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010

HULA GRILL - Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua‘a, Kamuela & Roy Kato 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Damon Parillo, Ron Heeton and Keali‘i Parillo 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho, Roy Kato & Mark D’Antonio 6:30pm; Sat, Damon Parillo 1:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana, Derick Sebastian and Roy Kato 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian, Ryan Tanaka and John Kahaiali‘i 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm; Tue, Damon Parillo & Roy Kato 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:3010pm; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Thu & Sun, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Every Tue & Sat, Scott Freeman 4:30-10:30pm; Mon, Sonshine Rivers 4:30-10:30pm; Every Wed & Fri, Sonshine Rivers & Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm. (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855.

COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:30-10pm; Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm. (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

JAPENGO AT THE HYATT REGENCY - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Mando Kane 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:308:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Pam Peterson 6:30-8:30pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Mon, Keali‘i Lum 3-5pm, Eddie Sabala 6-8:30pm; Tue, Ben 3-5pm, Eddie Sabala 6-8:30pm; Wed, Danyell 3-5pm, Puhi K6 6-8:30pm; Thu, Ben 3-5pm, Danyell & Roy 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm, Henry Kapono (June 6 only) 5-7pm, Damon & Tim 6-8pm; Sat, Danyell 3-5pm, Damon & Ron Oversize Prod. 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali‘i Lum 3-5pm, Damon & Ron Oversize Prod.

6-8:30pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Fri, Mel Arausa 7-10pm; Sun, Mike Madden 7-10pm; Mon, Farzad Azad 7-10pm; Tue, Cole Suletna 7-10pm; Wed, Tracy Stiles 7-10pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Honokowai); 808-667-0787.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Thu, Randall Rospond 6:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Mon, Rick G 6:30-9:30pm; Fri, The House Shakers 6:30pm; Mon, Alapa Drive: Full Rock Band 6:30-9:30pm; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Oyster Hour 5-6pm. (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-6425.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm; Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm. (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Fri & Wed, Evan Shul-

KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811.

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm.

(843 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655

AUGUST 21, 2014 25

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MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

RITA’S 1945 S.Kihei Rd. 214-5788

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret & Josh 3-5pm. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA‘ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-1200.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Fri, DJ Swamp 9:30pm1:30am; Every Sun, Two Cats 7-9:30pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288 LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Rock Thursday 6-9pm; Wed, Island Jams with Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm; Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808-669-6400.

OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PARADISE GRILL - Fri, Kaliko’s Way 6-9pm; Sat, Justin 6-9pm; Sun, Deeson 6-9pm; Thu, Harry Troup E 6-9pm. (2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700.

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm; Fri, Danyel Alana 6-9pm; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm; Thu, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 6-9pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.

Makai Jazz Group 6:30pm, Trish Da Dish Pub Quiz 9:30pm

Wandering Bridge, 6:30pm

Soul Kitchen, 6:30pm

Celtic Tigers, 7pm

MON-Stay Eazy 6:30, TUE-Mulligans Magic Show 6:30, WED- Joel Katz 5:15, Willie K 6:30

Hawaiian Music w/ Uncle Ahtim, 4-7pm

TGIF

Sargenti Hall Band, 7-10pm

Steve Craig 3-6pm, Steve Sargenti, 6:309:30pm

MON- Steve Craig 6:30pm, TUE-Country Western Night w/ Sargenti Hall Band 6:30pm, WED- Beatles Review w/Steve Craig, 6:30pm

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Summer Shakedown w/ DJ Big Mike, 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm

DJ LX 10pm; no cover

Best Bar on Maui Mahalo Party! Gomega at 10pm

MON - SIN w/DJ Big Mike , TUE - DJ Salvo10pm, WED - Dan Hiss 4-6pm, Ladies Night w/ DJ Decka,10 pm

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Andy Kaina & Kaina Kountry Band, 8:30pm

FREE POOL all day and night!

Karaoke

TUE & WED Free Pool all Day and all Night!

Karaoke w/ Dudley 8:30pm-12am; no cover

Country Herb & Side Effects $4 cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 8:30pm-12am; no cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Louise Lambert Trio, 7:30-10:30pm

Skip, 6:30-8:30pm

Skip, 7-9pm

MON- Elaine Ryan 5:30pm, TUE- Power Up Comedy Tour 9pm, WED- Steve 9-11pm,

Karaoke

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Alternative Night w/ DJ

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MON, TUE & WED- Free Karaoke

SANGRITA GRILL + CANTINA- Every Wed 5:30-7:30pm, and Final Friday Fiesta with live Flamenco music by Indio & Avion on the last Friday of every month 6:30-8:30pm. The Fairway Shops Ka’anapali. (2580 Kekaa Dr., Lahaina); 808-6626000; www.SangritaGrill.com SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Tue & Sun, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Wed & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Sat, Jason Ho 7-9pm; (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Napili); 808-669-1500.

THE CLIFF DIVE BAR - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:308pm; Sat, Larry Golis & Hollis Lee 6:30-8pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-8025.

UMALU - Sun, Kawika Ortiz 6-8pm; Mon, Kawika LumHo 6-8pm; Tue, Craig Soderberg 6-8pm; Wed, Kawika Ortiz 5-9:30pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA MARTINI LOUNGE - Thu, DJ Kurt 10pm; Fri, DJ Skinny Guy 10pm; Sat, DJ Blast 10pm; Sun, DJ PLAYWFIRE 5pm; Tue, DJ Decka 10pm; Wed, DJ Grooveshark 10pm; (1913 South Kihei Rd, Kihei); 808-891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm. (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm.

Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm; (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-879-2224.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Thu, 8 Track Players 8pm; Fri, DJ 9pm; Sat, The Hott Mess 9pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Kahana); 808-669-8889.

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Thu, Quiz 7pm; Fri, DJ 10pm; Mon, Lawaia 10pm; Sun, Natalie Robles 6pm; Sat, Jordan T. 7pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669.

RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.

GANNON’S A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm; Fri, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm. (100 Wailea

WED-Open Mic Night w/ Wes Furumoto, 8pm

Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Dominic 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Fri, Glen Kakugawa 6-9:30pm; Sat, Deason Baybayan 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm. (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888.

MAUI COAST HOTEL - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike and Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6284.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret Roback 7-9pm; Thu, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Thu, Mike Finkiewicz & Craig Soderberg 7-9pm; Fri, Tom 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Naka‘oka 7-9pm; Sat, Brian Haia 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Joshua Kahula 7-9pm; Tue, Stay Eazy 4-6pm; Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm; Wed, Alika 4-6pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808-891-2322.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Wed, Willie K. 7-9pm; Thu, Super Fun Pub Quiz with Trish 9:30pm; Fri, Andrew Corradini 6:30pm; Sat, Soul Kitchen 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, House Shakers 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, Stay Eazy 6:30pm; Tue, Brenton Keith’s Mulligan’s Magic Show 6:308pm; Wed, Joel Katz 5:30-6:30pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Mon, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm; Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:307:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177.

RITA’S - Thu, Hawaiian Music with Uncle Ahtim 4-7pm; Sat, Dining and Dancing w/ Sargenti Hall Band 7-10pm; Sun, Steve Craig 3-6pm; Mon,

Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm; Tue, Country Western Night w/ Sargenti Hall Band 6:30-9:30pm; Wed, Ladies Night & Beatles Review w/ Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-214-5788.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thur, Jamie Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Steve Mantelli 4-6pm; Wed, Dan Hiss 4-6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Thu, Rama Camarillo 6:308:30pm; Fri, Ellis Ayres 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Reggae w/ Ras Shaggai 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Artie Parti 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 6:30-8:30pm.

(2395 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-2910.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Fri, Louise Lambert Jazz Trio 7:30-10:30pm; (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE - Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:309:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Every Tue & Thu, Pi‘ilani Arias 5-8pm; Fri, Local Live Music 5-9pm; Sat, Ben Deleon 5-9pm; Sun, Live Music 5-8pm; Mon, Ben Deleon 5-8pm; Wed, Sheron Depont 5-8pm. (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001.

UPCOUNTRY CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Thu, Thursday night with Thunder and Lightning 6:308:30pm; Mon, Charley’s Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm; Tue, Tex Mex Tuesdays with Howard Ahia & Friends 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - First Wednesday, Mark Johnstone & Justin Favell 5:30-8pm; (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Thu, Rick 6-9pm; Fri, Steve Sargenti and Swiss 6-9pm; Sat, Tradewinds 6-9pm; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm; Wed, Betz and Adam with Vince Esquire 6:30-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661.

AUGUST 21, 2014 27

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28 AUGUST 21, 2014

by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Self-promote this week. Usually you’re too shy, humble, or diplomatic to engage in this kind of behavior, but sometimes it’s the only way to let people know what you’re about and what you can do. This isn’t about selling yourself or convincing anyone of anything–notions you find repugnant. It’s just about clueing people in to what you’re capable of, in case they might be interested. Once you’ve gently lobbed this ball into a number of other courts, your suspicions will be sadly confirmed when the vast majority of them don’t respond; but delightfully contradicted when a surprising number of them do.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

You know this storm won’t last long. Its very ferocity has determined its fleeting lifespan. The torrent of grey rain pounding on your windows may seem like a devastating hurricane, but you’ll actually glimpse blue skies within the hour. Please be patient. You could still get struck by lightning if you venture outdoors; instead, hunker down and wait it out. Every once in a while, head to the window and humor the terrible thunderheads: “Oooh, you’re such a nasty mean storm.” Then chill for a while; if you don’t react by generating a storm of your own, you’ll be in good shape once this one blows over–nothing but rainbows and daffodils for days.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

Your challenges this week are akin to having a contest of wills with a Great Dane in need of a bath.

He’s too big to manhandle into the bathtub, but instead must be coerced and coaxed to enter it of his own accord. You can’t simply force what you want to happen; you need to finesse it. Forego, utterly, the use of brute muscle; with that technique you’ll just get bitten, or a hernia. Bribery, deception, and begging are all fair game. But I’ve found that what often works best is simply asking for what you want.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Tough love is the name of this week’s game. Just make sure it’s universally applied. While it’s true that several of those in your inner circle at times have needed to be practically forced to do what was required (and often what they really wanted to do, but were scared to try), they’re not the only ones. You, too, have been stopping well short of your semi-arbitrary limit. Sadly, there’s no one like you in your life who’ll shove you in the right direction whenever you balk or stall. Do yourself the harsh kindness you so often visit upon those you love, and give yourself a good, uncompromising, motivational kick in the ass this week.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

The most dramatic thing about a butterfly is not its technicolor wingspan, or quirky, fluttering flight. It’s the metamorphosis it undergoes on its way to that beauty, from many-legged monstrosity to flowery grace. You might not even be better off than you are now; even your notorious good luck isn’t enough to completely counteract or compensate for universal entropy. But I will say that you’ll be almost unrecognizably different, for the cocoon you’re spinning around yourself–each thread another mile of distance or degree of attitude–will leave you utterly transformed.

There’s no stopping you–and who’d want to? But there is missing you; so clue in the people who’ll miss you the most about when they can expect you–albeit transfigured–back.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

If I were an alien capable of interstellar travel, wanting to observe Earth, I wouldn’t bother with some clumsy Star Trekkian method, involving beaming down to the planet, actually interacting with the humans, and inevitably screwing shit up. I’d send down microscopic airborne probes, or observe from a neighboring dimension, or something far less intrusive. I can’t help believing they’d be capable of it, just as you’re capable of handling much more refined tools and techniques than the ones you’ve been using. Forego your silly and simple Cro-Mag methods. They’ll inevitably mess with your results, and make you look ridiculous in the process. Screw the bull-in-the-chinashop Aries stereotype. We both know you’re capable of subtlety. Now show everyone else as much.

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TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Don’t let one small-minded asshole screw things up for you. They’re not worthy of that much attention.

That’s like forever abstaining from your favorite restaurant because of one bad waitress; it hurts you a lot more than it hurts her (not at all) or the restaurant itself (only a little). You’re risking a lot of self-spite just to prove a point that no one else is likely to get. “It’s the principle of the thing!” you may protest. Well, principles are all well and good, but please play a deeper game than the one you’ve planned, one that will minimize your suffering and maximize your point.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Give it up. There’s one wish you’re making that’s so fanciful (and simply not in line with the known universe) that it simply can’t come true. You might as well be dreaming of befriending a magical talking horse.

No dream is too outlandish or messy, as long as it’s enhancing your experience of reality. But this particular reverie has fallen into the category of detracting from your life experience, especially because its pursuit is keeping you from other, more achievable dreams.

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CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

You’re growing like a weed. I’m not talking about your limbs, but your spirit; lately it’s been sending shoots in every direction; curious, probing tendrils seeking more sunlight and nourishment of all kinds. Cool. It’s impolite to point out to someone that they’ve been wasting away, especially when you’re not sure why.

I have some hunches, but they’re all irrelevant now that you’re ready to open yourself up to new ways of feeding your soul and new experiences for it to expand into. Let me know when you’re ready to flower and bear fruit. I want some.

There’s a price on your head. You’re not about to be stealthily murdered in the dead of night or anything (crap, if I could predict that kind of thing, I’d be a wealthy man). But there are those who are willing to take somewhat less drastic (but nearly as effective) measures to take you out of the picture. Luckily, they’re clumsy and stupid, so now that you’re alert to their unsubtle machinations, you can simple sidestep them without much fuss. Don’t bother with revenge or anything so tedious. Your success (and their failure to prevent it) is revenge enough for their ill intentions.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Before you head to the pharmacy to pick up some sore throat spray and lip balm, consider another solution: stop talking so much. Sometimes, it is useful to engage in dialogues about what’s up in your life; bouncing ideas and feelings off of another person can help you figure out just what to do. But this isn’t one of those times, and you know it. What you’re supposed to be doing is obvious and, at this point, unignorable. Your gabber is pure procrastination (and, in some cases, whining). Sshhh. Time to get to work.

Quit polarizing the picture. It’s very tempting to make one person out to be the villain and the other the innocent victim of that villainy (or, better yet, the heroic Bringer of Truth and Cutter of Bullshit). But neither of you is actually an evil asshole trying to screw the other over. You’re just coming from different places, which makes resolution of the conflict more low-key than you imagined: a discussion, instead of an epic battle. Resist the appeal of trying to make this–like so many other facets of your life–into a scene from a movie, and just deal with it appropriately instead.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com.

AUGUST 21, 2014 29

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