by Caeriel Crestin
Horoscope
Sign Language LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
No matter what happens, you seem to retain an enviable sense of humor, and a consequent ability to have fun. Even when dark and heavy shit goes down, you manage to see the funny side of it. Most of the rest of us have a hard time maintaining that ability to smile in the face of tragedy, despair or existential ennui. This week, look around for those who need the kind of uplift that only you can provide, then give it to them. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)
Like the silken fluttering of a moth’s wings at the edges of your mind, you know you’re forgetting something. It’s one those tiny details that so frequently slips beneath your notice and gets left out of your hectic schedule. Usually these have consequences no more serious than a late fee at the DVD rental place, so you’ve gotten used to not worrying about them. This time, however, the unforeseeable repercussions are more annoying and severe; if I were you, instead of brushing that nagging little signal away when it comes, I’d sit down and try to figure out exactly what it’s trying to remind you of.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
This is no mechanical bull you’ve mounted. There are no soft mats scattered around nearby to cushion you when you tumble. This is the real thing, and there’s no audience, and every chance of a goring if you lose your grip. In other words, hang on. The stakes are much higher than just entertaining your drunk friends at a cowboy bar. But so are the rewards; if you manage to get this particular beast used to you, you’ll have gained a formidable ally, and lost any particular urge to prove yourself to those who foolishly doubted you.
QUIZ understood
ANSWERS
...to questions from page 4
1: E–Sen. Roz Baker 2: C–Honolulu Star-Advertiser 3: D–1,094,668 visitors; $64 million spending
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
You tend to unconsciously inflate human interactions; therefore, entering the proximity of that fellow with the temper could feel like walking into a nuclear explosion. Nevertheless, don’t retreat to your bunker to wait this one out. There hasn’t yet been a detonation, and anyway, your flexible soul is sturdier than an adamantium skeleton, and more able to resist (or roll with) radioactive emotions. When you see the danger signs this week, don’t run, or if you must, runtowards them. You can deactivate the bomb (and should try), but only if you have your hot little hands right on it.
AUGUST 6TH - 27TH
WEDNESDAYS • 7:30AM
LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)
Symbiosis is your keyword this week. Think of the squirrel, busily burying nuts for future consumption. It forgets about some, which ultimately sprout and become new sources of food for the rodent’s descendants, as well as benefiting the tree they came from. Or perhaps you’ll be more like the bird that gets fat picking parasites off the beast that could kill it. There’s an enviable opportunity this week to generate a new—if not affectionate, at least mutually beneficial—arrangement this week (with your landlord, boss, or neighbor, most likely) that will dramatically improve your quality of life. Don’t miss it.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Your sign’s symbol is the Ram, because of their tendency to fearlessly wander into precariously high places. You’re just as brave as that plucky mountain goat—just slightly less surefooted. Luckily, you compensate with a skill not hinted at in stereotypical descriptions of your sign: tumbling. The talent most in demand this week will be your ability to fall—if not painlessly, at least recoverably—from lofty heights. When you’re screwed over this week, pick yourself up, please—I’ve got money riding on this one, and if you come through, I’ll let you know which asshole had the audacity to bet against you.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
Ten years ago, the spacecraft Messenger headed towards Mercury, clothed in a hand-sewn ceramic cloth quilt to protect it from close proximity to the sun. I love the idea of the pinnacle of human technological achievement being protected by a quilt—the scientist who made it even had to get sewing tips from his mother. Mom must’ve been pretty surprised to learn the skills she acquired in Home Economics class in junior high would be used to protect a spacecraft from 700-degree heat. You’ll be similarly astounded this week, when a skill you picked up ages ago—probably as a kid—have an eminently useful application you’d never previously imagined. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)
Most of us have had to eat our words at one time or another; you’ve eaten whole books, thick hardcover tomes that scratched like hell all the way down. The coolest part about having your convictions overturned and reversed (after you get over the shock and embarrassment) is that you really understand how differently people can see things. Instead of sitting on the fence forever, like those wishy-washy Librans (who have a theoretical understanding of both sides of an issue) you get to actually be on both sides. Use that experience this week; even though in this case no argument is likely to overturn your convictions, hopefully it’ll at least trigger your empathy and understanding. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)
Be Kali this week. Destroy the old to make room for the new. There are only so many open slots in your life, and some of them are, quite frankly, currently held by people and time-eaters unworthy of the privilege. Cut them off. You have standards to uphold, after all. And even more importantly (and urgently), several Persons and/or Opportunities of Quality are clamoring outside the door to your life, awaiting entrance. Cull the crowds inside to make some space. Do it now; if you wait until next week your unwanted guests will have chained themselves to the furniture, and you’ll never be able to evict them.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Your stubbornness will be the end of you. You keep insisting on learning lessons the hard way, and then you act surprised when it hurts like hell. Resist digging in your heels for once. Every so often, someone comes along who’s wiser than you, and tries to gently lead you in the direction you’re headed anyway, only by a much better route than the one you’d chosen. When one of these kind and well-meaning souls tenderly takes your arm and steers you away from the foolhardy path you’ve taken, don’t jab them in the ribs with a sharp elbow and continue on your way with indignant pride. Just humbly and graciously turn aside from the bad choice you’ve made and simply go with them. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
Ticks tend to trigger a visceral disgust, especially when they’re so engorged that removing them risks a bloody explosion when they pop in your hand. Most people just scream and point at the swollen bloodsucker, and wait for someone with a sturdier disposition to dig it out. Unfortunately, the human tick who’s been quietly feeding on you has gotten to exactly that stage—freeing yourself from that discreet parasitism will most likely result in a filthy mess. Still, you wouldn’t leave an actual tick nestled in your armpit just because you were too squeamish to deal. Don’t wait for help—it’ll be too long in coming. Just grit your teeth, get a grip and yank it out. CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
With those who’ve made the cut into your inner circle, you’re generous and nurturing to a fault. The rest of the unwashed masses, however, you can occasionally be a bit stingy with. This week, broaden your concept of who’s “family” to include at least a handful of folk who might otherwise miss out. Some of them will of course be ungrateful brats, totally undeserving of your kindness, as you suspected. But at least a couple will end up being so cool and sweet that you’ll wish you’d figured out how supremely wonderful they were ages ago, and wonder how you missed it before.
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To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com.
JULY 24, 2014 29