17.38 Evidence, March 6, 2014, Volume 17, Issue 38, MauiTime

March 6, 2014 ✚ Volume 17 ✚ Issue 38 ✚ FREE

EVIDENCE THAT PRE-CONTACT IS THIS

HAWAIIANS VISITED

SOUTH AMERICA?

NELSON JOHNSON

SACKED

PG.5

CRAFT BEER SUPERHIGHWAY

SON OF GOD

PG.13

FILM REVIEW

PG.19

GOT CABLE?

PLUS

PG.10

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MARCH 6, 2014

Contents

Platelet Rich Plasma Therapy Dr. Nathan Ehrlich, N.D.

VOLUME 17 ✚ ISSUE 38

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:

Licensed Naturopathic Physician Serving Maui since 1988

ON THE COVER:

Which airport has the best restrooms?

Is this evidence that pre-contact Hawaiians visited South America?

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Hana Airport

Cover Design By: Darris Hurst & Shane Fontanilla

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter John Wayne Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter O’Hare Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Denver International Graphic Designer: Shane Fontanilla Kapalua Airport Contributors: Jenn Brown (Dallas), Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Suzanne Kayian, Alex Mitchell, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II, Dayna Yamasaki, Malia Zimmerman

4 10 12 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

QUIZ understood 2.

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

In 2012, according to a Mar. 3 press release from Haleakala National Park, slightly more than one million visitors to the park spent about $64 million “in communities near the park.” How many local jobs did this spending translate into?

A. 835 B. 736 C. 692 D. 575 E. 403

1. Numbers from the Hawaii Tourism Authority released on Feb. 27 show that “Visitor expenditures on Maui dropped 6.3 percent from January 2013 to $336.8 million.” According to the HTA’s Feb. 27 press release, what was the cause of the drop in visitor expenditures?

A. Growing competition B. Fluctuating currency exchange rates C. Increasing cost of a Hawaiian vacation D. All of the above E. A & C only

3. The Maui Planning Commission recently approved a new 200-room, 180,000 square-foot hotel in Wailea that is slated to be more “family” oriented than other resort hotels in the area.

Which operator will run the new hotel?

A. Ritz-Carlton B. Sheraton C. Marriott D. Hyatt E. Best Western See answers, page 29

We Like You Too!

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MARCH 6, 2014

News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

Coconut Wireless PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

“I don’t know,” he said, making it clear that there were a great many flights.

“There’s no county travel log.” But he said he’d look into it, though I haven’t heard anything by presstime.

JONATHAN STARR NOMINATED TO JOIN MRA

Piper Chieftan, similar to the one that crashed

LANAI PLANE CRASH

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Normally, I don’t attend press conferences, much less ask questions at press conferences, but everything about the Feb. 27 gathering at the Mayor’s Lounge, on the ninth floor of the Kalana O Maui building in Wailuku, was different. It was in response to the crash of an Maui Air charter flight–a Piper Chieftan–on Lanai the night before that killed three people and injured three more–five of whom were county employees.

“We do not know why the plane crashed,” Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa said, repeatedly tearing up. “We lost two of our own last night. One of them was a long-time employee who worked for us for decades. Another was a bright young planner.”

Two of the dead and two of the injured were members of the county Planning Department. A third survivor is employed by the county Corporation Counsel’s office. They were on Lanai yesterday for the Lanai Planning Commission hearing, and were headed back to Maui when the plane went down shortly after take off.

“We use this airline quite a bit,” Arakawa said at one point in response to a question.

That would seem to be an understatement.

According to Planning Department Deputy Director Michelle McLean, who spoke at the press conference, her department alone flies people to Lanai twice a month for hearings, and has been doing so for at least the three years she’s worked as deputy director.

For county employees, the crash was obviously a huge emotional blow. But it’s also not an isolated event. On Dec. 11, 2013, a singleengine Makani Air Cessna 208B Caravan crashed shortly after taking off from Molokai, killing state Health Director Loretta Fuddy.

And a month before that, another Caravan, this time flown by Mokulele Airlines, made an emergency landing in Wailea after pilots reported engine trouble.

A few hours before the press conference, I called around a few sources at the county to get updates on the crash. One asked me if I was going to the conference. When I said yes, the source made a request.

“Would you ask a question?” the source asked. “Ask if the county is considering

not using small planes anymore to travel to neighbor islands. People are scared.”

Another county source confirmed that county officials and employees make a lot of trips to neighbor islands by air, and there were a number of employees who were nervous about flying.

“Typically for Lanai, the County Council staff and members will take the ferry and stay overnight,” the second source said. “It’s expensive, I’ll give you that, but it’s a long-standing practice.”

So I asked the question at the press conference.

“We do send them by ferry as well,” Arakawa said. But given the fact that many meetings take place at night, and going by ferry would likely require employees to stay overnight on either Lanai or Molokai, he said many employees fly so they can “spend the night at home.”

After Arakawa finished and the press conference moved on, a woman who later identified herself as an employee of the Planning Department leaned over to me. “Thank you for asking that question,” she said. She later added that she’s flown a lot for work, and her colleagues aren’t happy with it.

It’s perhaps understandable that County Communications Director Rod Antone ended the press conference with the words “Safe travels.” A few minutes later, I asked Antone if there was any way to document just how many charter flights county officials typically make.

Jonathan Starr is one of the most powerful people in Wailuku. A former member of the Maui Planning Commission and county Board of Water Supply, as well as Maui Democratic Party chairman, these days Starr sits on the state Water Commission.

“Renaissance man and local businessman Jonathan Starr has spent nearly two decades volunteering his expertise to numerous Maui causes, from playing music at community celebrations to serving as a ham radio operator for civil defense emergency communications,” states a bio of Starr at the website of the Sierra Club’s Maui Chapter, which presented Starr with its ‘Onipa‘a Award in

Maui Redevelopment Agency, replacing member Warren Suzuki, whose term expires on Mar. 31.

“I’m really excited,” Starr told me. “It’s time for Wailuku to become a much more thriving, healthy community. Assuming I’m confirmed, I want to broaden the process, get more people involved and create a more vibrant process.”

Unlike mainland redevelopment agencies, which typically wield the power of eminent domain, the MRA merely reviews development plans with the “Wailuku Redevelopment Area”–which the county defines as “approximately 27 acres and includes the business blocks surrounding the Vineyard / Market Street intersection and the housing areas west of Church Street to High Street, and north of Vineyard Street to Iao Stream”–and advises the county Planning Department, mayor’s office and County Council.

In a not-very surprising twist, Starr has a large Wailuku development–in the heart of

Wailuku Town

2010. “Best known for his efforts to revitalize Wailuku town and his expertise about complex energy and water issues, Starr has worked quietly contributing technical known [sic] how, raising awareness and funds for the many community causes he believes in.”

And on April Fools Day, assuming he’s confirmed, he’ll join the five-member

Overheard “I think my girlfriend and I will play LEGOs this weekend. We haven’t played in a while.”

-Guy on Main Street in Wailuku, Feb. 28

the Wailuku Redevelopment Area–currently in the planning stages. “I own a bunch of property in the center of Wailuku,” Starr said. “It’s been my dream since I became involved 15 years ago to build a mixed-use project where people in Wailuku can live and shop and walk to work.”

When asked how he would respond if and when his project came before the MRA, Starr said he would take appropriate actions.

“If my own project comes up, I would certainly disclose it,” he said. “I tend to go out of my way to disclose things. If needed, I’d recuse myself. The MRA is designed to be filled with real boosters of the town, and it always has been. They’re people who want to see the town thrive.”

A check of MRA’s meeting schedule show the panel was to meet nine times in 2013, but only actually met seven times– meetings in September and October were cancelled because of a lack of quorum. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

MARCH 6, 2014

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MARCH 6, 2014

News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro & Suzanne Kayian

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

MauiSphere

COUNTY REPORTEDLY FIRES MPD OFFICER NELSON JOHNSON

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Using the latest of those vague, ambiguous summaries of all the punishments the Maui Police Department serves on its own that state law requires them to release every few months, The Maui News has determined that Maui PD Officer Nelson Johnson–who was arrested back in November for allegedly abusing two of his young children–has, in fact, been terminated.

State law prohibits the department from naming officers who’ve been sanctioned

by Internal Affairs, and the latest summary doesn’t actually include Johnson’s name. But according to the Feb. 27 Maui News, the summary does mention an officer who was suspended for two weeks and then terminated for the “commission of a criminal act–abuse of a household/family member” and that was enough for the paper to go ahead and name him.

“But based on the date and charges, the fired officer appears to be Nelson Johnson, who was arrested on charges of seconddegree assault and two counts of abuse of a family member occurring Nov. 19 at a

$2,000 buys a lot of Orange Chicken

Wailuku residence,” The Maui News reported on Feb. 27.

Johnson had been on paid administrative leave. He’s pleaded not guilty to the charges of abusing a family member and his case is pending in 2nd Circuit Court.

In April 2011, Johnson also allegedly assaulted MauiTime Publisher Tommy Russo during an altercation in the Wailuku Municipal Parking Lot. A civil case on that incident is still pending in court.

-Anthony Pignataro

PANDA EXPRESS DONATES MONEY TO WAILUKU ELEMENTARY Panda Express has donated nearly $2,000 to the fourth grade class at Maui’s Wailuku Elementary School. The class won the money in Panda’s Back-to-School Fundraising Challenge, which enabled nonprofit organizations in Hawaii to raise funds for their group through hosted events at Panda Express locations between September 2013 and January 2014.

Wailuku Elementary’s fourth grade class raised $780; Panda contributed an additional $1,000 for a total donation of

CLYDE SAKAMOTO AMOTO TO RETIRE FROM UH MAUI COLLEGE OLLEGE University of Hawaii Maui College Chancellor Clyde Sakamoto will retire this year after 23 years in the position. Sakamoto, who will retire at the end of October, has been a part of the UH System for 41 years and has been the chief executive officer of the Maui campus since 1991.

“Clyde has been the singular face of higher education on Maui for decades,” said UH Interim President David Lassner in a Feb. 19 press release. “He has always been an innovator and visionary...

Clyde’s legacy includes the beautiful UH Maui College campus, a robust suite of educational programs that support economic development, and a county-wide understanding of the importance of higher education to the community.”

During his time at the campus, Sakamoto also served as dean of instruction and was executive director of Projects 2 and 4, which brought baccalaureate development to UH community colleges.

Sakamoto also has been a driving force in fund-raising. He has helped secure more than $147 million in extramural funds for UH Maui College since 1997.

He oversees a $10 million federal Rural Development Grant and has helped secure more than $13 million in rural development funds since 1997. He also helped UH Maui land a $3 million grant

for the Native Hawaiian Scholarship Program, obtained and administered grants related to telecommunication infrastructure, gender equity, Hawaiian education and sustainable technologies.

Chancellor Sakamoto also is credited with increased enrollment. When he assumed responsibility for leading UH Maui College in 1990, the Fall enrollment was 2,346. The student population in the Fall of 2013 was 4,076–a 74 percent enrollment increase.

“I am continually and deeply grateful to have been given an opportunity to contribute to higher educa-

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Johnson used to drive one of these

$1,780. The donation will allow the class to attend a performance of ‘Ulalena, a musical which depicts Maui’s rich cultural history through Hawaiian music and dance.

“Supporting local organizations is a core part of Panda’s culture,” said John Zhang, Panda’s regional director of Operations for Hawaii. “We’re proud to be America’s favorite Chinese restaurant, and recognize the responsibilities that accompany that title, such as providing support for programs that enrich the communities where our guests live and work.” work.

The money was presented esented during a Feb. 26 red carpet event that hat was held at the Panda Express in Kahului. ului. Wailuku Elementary Vice Principal cipal Tracy Lui and teacher Debra ebra Ho accepted the prizee along with students in the winning fourth grade class. ss.

“On behalf of the fourth ourth grade team, we truly appreciate Panda’s commitmitment to our community,” ity,” said Ho. “[Panda’s donanation] enables our students ents to go beyond classroom m learning and deepen their heir appreciation for and undernderstanding of Hawaii’s history.” istory.”

-Suzanne anne Kayian

tion in Maui Hawaii,”” County and Hawaii Sakamoto said. “On behalf of our students and community, our college’s progress reflects a commitment from our campus staff and faculty, community and political leadership in Maui County. I thank all of you who have contributed to improving higher learning in Maui County. Through your support and assistance, we built a firm foundation for continual and future leadership to prepare learners for the global and local opportunities presented by needs and problems.

I am especially grateful for my faculty, staff and administrative colleagues who inspire learners by addressing unmet needs, persevering through complicated and transparent processes without complaint, and adding value to our students’ access to careers that will sustain themselves and their families.”

Vice President of Community Colleges John Morton said he is appreciative of the many years of leadership and contributions that Chancellor Sakamoto has provided to UH Maui College and the community college system. “Our task now is to begin the process of finding someone who can continue Chancellor Sakamoto’s legacy of service and dedication to the residents of Maui County as the next Chancellor,” Morton said.

-Suzanne Kayian ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

MARCH 6, 2014

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News & Views

News Of The Weird TEACH A MAN TO FISH… The Drug Users Resource Center in Vancouver, British Columbia (heralded previously in News of the Weird for a vending machine dispensing 25-cent crack-cocaine pipes to discourage addicts from committing crimes to fund their habit), launched a program in August to supply alcoholics with beer-brewing and wine-making ingredients to discourage them from drinking rubbing alcohol, hand-sanitizer and mouthwash. The DURC “co-op” sells, for $10 monthly, brewing mix in a pre-hopped beer kit, but eventually, an official said, co-op members will brew from scratch, including boiling, mashing and milling. A civic leader told Canada’s National Post that the program has already begun to reduce crime in areas frequented by alcoholics.

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

SEND RESUME TO: Interns@mauitime.com or 33 N. Market Street, Suite 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

REQUEST MORE

Rape-prevention activists estimate that local governments have backlogs of untested evidentiary “rape kits” that total up to 400,000 nationally–signifying free crimes for rapists, lost justice for victims, and ruined reputations for men wrongly arrested. (As TV police dramas emphasize, many rape victims are reluctant to submit to the indignity of swabbing and photographing so soon after being violated and comply only because detectives assure them of the rape kit’s importance.) Memphis, Tenn., has an inventory of 12,000, and the state of Texas at least 16,000–dating back to the 1980s. However, the cost of testing (about $500 each) is daunting for many city budgets, according to a February report by the Rape Kit Action Project in New York.

MORE TEXAS JUSTICE After 37 years in prison, Jerry Hartfield goes to court in April for a retrial of his 1977 conviction (and death sentence) for murder in Bay City, Texas. Actually, the 1977 conviction was overturned, but before Hartfield could demand his release (he is described in court documents as illiterate with an IQ of 51), the then-governor commuted the sentence to life in prison in 1983. It was only in 2006 that a fellow inmate persuaded Hartfield that the commutation was illusory–since there was, at that point, no “sentence” to commute.

Hartfield’s lawyers call Texas’ treatment a blatant violation of his constitutional right to a “speedy” trial, but prosecutors suggest that it is Hartfield’s own fault that he has remained in prison the last 30 years.

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by Chuck Shepard

Congressional wisdom has prevented the federal government’s Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) from using competitive bids to decide how much to pay for medical devices–and among the most steeply overpriced products are “vacuum erection systems” (“penis pumps”) that invigorate seniors’ lives. CMS pays an average of $360, while the Department of

Veterans Affairs, which also buys the pumps but by competitive bid, pays about $185.

In a January report, the Health and Human Services inspector general estimated the government could save $18 million a year (and beneficiaries another $4.5 million) if CMS could use competitive bidding.

GREAT ART! Frances Wadsworth-Jones’ jewelry design show (“Heaven Sent”) at the Museum of London runs until April, with centerpiece brooches that resemble bird droppings.

Why, she was asked, would a woman want to wear jewelry suggesting that a pigeon soiled her lapel? “The stain is very intimate,” said the artist. It’s “something that you wouldn’t want, and you’re turning it into something beautiful.” WadsworthJones’ pieces have sold for as much as the equivalent of $4,000.

HARD ACT TO FOLLOW In December, the New York City parks department, responding to alarmed visitors at Socrates Sculpture Park in Queens, built a wooden fence to shield the sculpture “Bear Eats Man” so that parents might examine the structure before children start asking them awkward questions. The sculpture by Ms. Thordis Adalsteinsdottir is of a bear clutching, and about to bite, a man–who appears in shock and sports an erection that art aficionados have justified as possibly representing the man’s involuntary reflexive shock, according to a New York Times report.

POLICE REPORT Three suspects fled with about 30 pieces of jewelry from a burglary at Timothy’s Fine Jewelry in Broomfield, Colo., in January, but not before creating a puzzling scene on the surveillance video. Crushing the glass cases with sledgehammers, they moved quickly around the store, all the while constantly telling each other, “I love you, brother.”

And Glenn Rundles, 32, was captured only days after robbing two women at knifepoint in East Post Oak, Texas, in January– despite a wanted poster called by some the “worst police sketch ever,” a “cartoon” of a comically round-faced man.

SUSPICION CONFIRMED After Florida Highway Patrol Trooper Donna Jane Watts ticketed Miami Police Department officer Fausto Lopez in 2011 for speeding to an off-duty job at 120 mph, naturally some in law enforcement began harassing her as a “rat,” according to a February Associated Press report. One provocation stood out–other officers’ accessing Watts’ driver record by claiming to be on official business. Watts identified those officers’ employers and recently filed a lawsuit under the federal Driver Privacy Protection Act, which provides penalties of up to $2,500 for each of the more than 200 unauthorized searches by 88 officers from 25 police agencies. ■

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

E

h brah! You were sitting in the coffee shop, talking to your mother at epic loudness! Take your over-age, uncooth self and talk on the frickin’ speaker phone outside! No one wants to hear you whine about how difficult it is to live on Maui–how you’re having a hard time to find a place to rent or a woman or how your ex still has all your stuff! Get a life! No wonder you can’t find a place… You’re too loud! ■

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and the

RAIDERS of the LOST SPEARPOINT

By Anthony Pignataro

T

he story you’re about to read exists because a small, green-gold chunk of obsidian exists. And because that piece of obsidian–chipped and shaped by hands unknown into a beautiful, elegant arrowhead shape– exists, a young man Upcountry now gets nervous when the phone rings. He does so, he says, because agents with the National Park Service who work at Haleakala National Park have taken to behaving like the U.S. Government at the end of Raiders of The Lost Ark. Let’s back up a bit, to May of 2009. A dozen or so friends, including two guys named Bryan Axtell and Trevor Carter, are hiking Haleakala Crater. Somewhere near the switchbacks, in an area filled with washout, Carter–an experienced climber who, like Axtell, grew up in the Sierra Nevada Mountains–started exploring a bit off the trail. In fact, he ascended straight up, about 200 feet.

“I had a climbing bug,” Carter, who lives in Northern California, told me by phone.

“I went off the trail, several hundred feet.

There were piles of rocks, and this one stood out. I bend down to pick it up. It was a piece of obsidian, but when I started wiping it off, I saw that it was a spearpoint.”

Carter starting shouting for Axtell.

“He showed me a stone, covered in mud,” Axtell recalled. “I got my first aid kit and made the wrong the choice–I cleaned it with alcohol.You’re not supposed to do that, because it makes dating an artifact difficult.”

After clearing away the mud, Axtell and Carter realized they were holding what looked like a spearpoint. They’d seen plenty of them in the Sierras, but this was different. It was shaped out of a green-gold obsidian. It was unique and unusual, and possibly important.

By the time they and their friends hiked back to the park visitor’s center, Axtell and Carter said it was dark and no one was there.

But when they called the Park Service the

10 MARCH 6, 2014

next morning and described what they’d found to the person who answered the phone, they got a less than enthusiastic response. “She said the Hawaiians didn’t have spearheads, but we could bring it in,” Axtell told me. Carter added that the employee told them that “they may or may not look at it.”

Carter said this bummed them out, and they decided not to take it back to the park, for a variety of reasons. “This was two days after my wedding,” Axtell said. “I had lots to do.”

Their decision would have lasting implications. After all, it’s a crime to take anything from a national park, but it’s especially risky to remove an artifact, and what they did could be seen as a violation of the 1979 Archaeological Resources Protection Act (ARPA). “If resources are taken from a park then it is hard to understand the context of their natural or cultural history or how to best protect them,” said Haleakala National Park spokeswoman Pauline Angelakis in an email response to questions about this story.

But back in the spring of 2009, Axtell and Carter weren’t thinking of the possibility that they’d broken the law. They were more concerned with the spearpoint itself. Not getting rich off it, they told me (indeed, they never seem to have attempted to sell it), but learning what it was, and whether it was as important as they felt it was.

“I told Trevor he could take it,” Axtell said. “But he said no.”

“I flew back to California a couple days after we found it, and I wasn’t going to take it off the island,” Carter told me. “But I did go to Paia and have a tattoo of it traced onto my ribcage.”

Carter told me he hiked a lot in the mountains on the mainland, and had found Indian ground rocks before. But he said he got the tattoo because this spearpoint was different. “I knew this was something,” he told me. “I can’t explain it.

It was heavy, big. It weighs at least a quar-

ter pound. It has major significance.”

Carter and Axtell eventually put it in a wooden box with a key–a piece of paper with notes on where they’d found it, the conditions under which they’d discovered it and the signatures of everyone in the party that had found it. And there it sat, on Axtell’s martial arts weapons altar for a little over a year.

Today, Carter is a firefighter living in California. But Axtell still lives Upcountry.

He teaches fire dancing, martial arts and art to kids as part of his Making A Difference Project. He has an intense gaze and a closely shorn beard that hugs his chin line. I sat down with him recently at Flatbread in Paia.

“This is where I met with an archaeologist from the Big Island who looked at the spearpoint,” Axtell told me. “It was late 2010, early 2011. She said, ‘It’s green? That doesn’t make sense.’ She said it was way too high quality.

She called Dr. Janet Six [an archaeologist at UH Maui College] while we were here.”

Intrigued by what she heard, Six asked to see the spearpoint. “I expected to see a nice rock,” Six told me. “People are always showing me things. But this was greengold obsidian. It wasn’t made in the park– someone put it there.”

Who exactly that someone might have been is a big unknown. Without knowing how old the spearpoint is, Six won’t speculate on who put it in the park. She said it was possible Axtell and Carter put it there, but added that given her discussions with them, and the fact that they never seem to have tried to get publicity from the spearpoint or sell it, she believed they were being honest about how they found it. She also said it was possible that a hippie put it into the park in the 1980s during a “harmonic convergence.”

“If we know it’s really old, we can look elsewhere in the park for others,” Six said.

“But that still doesn’t tell us where it’s from.

They found it in an odd place, off the trail.”

There’s another possibility, Six said. The

possibility that ancient Hawaiians put it there.

Not that they made it–Six said that while there is obsidian in Hawaii, it’s not like the obsidian of the spearpoint. No, Six said it was a possibility that pre-contact Hawaiians had themselves found it–in South America.

“Academics agree that Polynesians went to mesoamerica,” Six said.

The notion that Polynesians were skilled at the art of voyaging canoes long distances and became the first humans to visit Hawaii is well known. What isn’t so well known is the view that they continued to voyage ever eastward, and eventually landed in North and South America–what the Polynesians seem to have referred to as “the land of mist and frogs.”

There is compelling evidence for this. On Feb. 22, the History Channel aired an episode of its America Unearthed series that dealt with this theory–and the mysterious Haleakala spearpoint in particular. The show included footage of Terry Hunt, an archaeologist at the University of Hawaii, discussing the possibility that Polynesians traveled to and from the Americas long before Captain Cook ever “discovered” Hawaii.

According to Hunt, there’s evidence that the sweet potato–a delicacy in Hawaii– originally came from South America and the chickens of South America originally came from Polynesia. There is also evidence that the Polynesians had contact with the Chumash tribe in Southern California.

Axtell told me he had nothing to do with getting their spearpoint onto the History Channel. “I had no idea about the show,” Axtell told me. “I was in California and got a call saying the History Channel wanted to do a show on it.”

According to Six and Axtell, Six had shown the spearpoint to some of her students, and one of them had gone to the History Channel.

Axtell and Carter talked with the show’s producers, and agreed to go on camera and talk about their spearpoint. They would tell

the story about how they found it and then give the spearpoint to host Scott Wolter, a “forensic geologist,” who would then put the spearpoint through a hydration test that would show its age. It was an expensive test, but the producers agreed to pay for it.

For Carter, going on the show was a “childhood dream come true.”

Filming Axtell and Carter (who would fly out from California to take part) would take place on Maui on Nov. 11, Axtell recalled. But a few days before that day, everything changed.

Sitting in Flatbread last week, Axtell remembered something Six had told him.

“She said we needed to be careful who we showed the spearpoint to,” he told me.

Axtell said he had had no contact with officials from Haleakala National Park since the morning after his and Carter’s discovery. But Six had contacted park archaeologist Liz Gordon, and said she seemed interested in the find.

But Axtell said that when History Channel producers contacted the park and asked for permission to film there, they got a flat rejection. Park officials were apparently concerned that Axtell and Carter had gone off the trail, and asked if they’d been digging. Axtell and Carter denied that they’d been digging anywhere in the park. Eventually, Axtell concluded that he’d have to hand over the spearpoint.

“But if we gave it back, I wanted to do it on camera,” Axtell told me.

When the show’s producers told Axtell that Liz Gordon reallyy wanted to meet with him, he agreed. d. They set up a meeting a few days ys before he was to film the episode. ode. Gordon asked him to bring his notes and photos, Axtell said, but she also asked him to bring the spearpoint. He said he agreed reed (Angelakis, the spokeswoman with Haleakala National Park, would not comment on any specifics involving the he spearpoint, citing “an ongoing ARPA investigation”).

“We met at the Pukalani Starbucks in Foodland,” ,” Axtell said. “She inndicated that she’d be alone, but I saw w her come in with someone else, in plain clothes. I asked ed Gordon who her associssociate was, and she said aid she was a naturalist.”

Axtell said he then en told them the whole story ry of how they found the spearpoint. Gordon don and her associate (who later told Axtell her name was K. Ell) showed him topographical maps of the Haleakala Crater ater and asked him to show them where the he discovery was made.

“They kept asking iff we were digging,” Axtell recalled. “After er about 45 minutes of talking, Gordon asked ked if she could see it.”

Axtell said he then n brought out the spearpoint, and Gordon and nd Ell immediately started photographing it.. Then, Axtell said, their attitudes shifted, and they told Axtell that they couldn’t let him keep the spearpoint.

“I asked her for ID,” Axtell said. “She said, ‘How do you want this to go down?’ So I grabbed the artifact out of Gordon’s hand.”

“You just assaulted her!” Axtell said Ell,

Trevor Carter and the spearpoint

who was now saying she was a law enforcement agent, told him.

“You need to show me a badge!” Axtell said he shouted back to her. Axtell said officer Ell was reaching behind her, then slowly reached into a front pocket and pulled out a badge. When she did that, Axtell told me, he surrendered the spearpoint.

Then he turned to Gordon and asked why she was doing this, considering that he’d always insisted to her that he intended to return the artifact on camera.

“She said she couldn’t trust me to bring it back,” Axtell said. He also said that Officer Ell told him to stay out of the park.

“I didn’t go back for eight, nine months,” Axtell told me.

“I really love that park. ‘Let’s go

hike the crater’ is something I said frequently. It’s my favorite place to take people.” people ” In any case, Axtell was freaked out.

After the encounter with Gordon and Ell, he called Carter.

“It was two days before I was to fly out there, and I was at the firestation,” Carter recalled. “Bryan called me regularly, but

this time I could instantly hear it in his voice. He was in hysterics. He was trying so hard to keep it together.”

Carter said they talked just a few minutes, and then Axtell had to hang up and compose himself. Carter then said he called the History Channel producers (Paula Engelking, one of the producers, did not return an email request for comment on this story by presstime). While he was talking to them about the seizure of the spearpoint, Carter said Axtell called, and they made it a conference call.

“What does this mean for the show?”

Carter said he asked them. “Our Our concern is the park service coming after us.”

“I was nervous when I came back,” Carter told me. “I was worried that I was going to be taken when I got off the plane.”

As it happened, Carter arrived back on Maui without incident. Indeed, he said no one from the park service has contacted him. But after the park service, which

had been talking with American Unearthed producers, seized the spearpoint, they suddenly refused to participate in the show.

They also refused to grant the show permission to film in the park.

The producers told Carter the show would still go on. They were very helpful, Axtell said, but they also insisted that the guys not said tell Wolter–the show’s host–ahead of filming that the spearpoint had been taken.

If you saw the America Unearthed episode, or go online to History.com and watch it there, you’ll see a scene shot at the Skyline Eco Adventures camp Upcountry

where Wolter meets Axtell and Carter. You’ll see Wolter talk to the guys about how they found the spearpoint, and then you’ll see him ask Axtell for the spearpoint. Then Axtell gets nervous and tells Wolter that park officials seized it just days earlier, you’ll see Wolter express shock. It seems like an awkward, staged event typical for the documentary-style shows you see on cable.

Axtell and Carter say it was anything but.

“His reaction was completely real,” Axtell told me. “The producers had never told him.”

Carter said he and Axtell had felt bad about this–about having to brush off Wolter’s requests to see the spearpoint all day without telling him that they didn’t have it.

“It was the end of the day when we filmed that scene,” Carter said. “I didn’t like keeping it a secret from the guy.”

When Axtell finally did tell Wolter on camera that the park service had taken the spearpoint from him, he and Carter say Wolter became furious.

“He started screaming, ‘We’re going up there!’” Axtell said. “He was furious! They had to calm him down. It took them four times to film that scene because he kept cursing. The producers didn’t tell him ahead of time because they said they wanted a genuine response. Wolter is not an actor.”

Only the National Park Service knows what happened to the spearpoint. Did they return it to the spot Axtell told them about? Are they conducting rigorous tests on it to determine its age and point of origin–tests the History Channel said they’d pay for? And why did park par officials take so long to get serious about the spearpoint?

When I first called for a comment on all this, Haleakala National Nation Park spokeswoman Pauline Angelakis Angelaki wouldn’t say much, beyond repeating the phrase “There is an ongoing ARPA AR investigation” and insisting that she s hadn’t watched the America Un Unearthed episode.

When I asked her what became of the b spearpoint, she said she didn’t know.

Then a few hours later she s sent me a email message on the case. ca “There is an ongoing criminal ongo investigation,” she said in the email, which whic she’s apparently sending out to sen anyone who asks about the Am America Unearthed episode. “As part of that episode case, the object you referseized as evidence. enced was se Tests and analysis of this object are investigation. There is no also part of the investig how long an investypical time frame for ho tigation lasts. The time frame fra varies on a case by case basis.” they’ve had no Axtell and Carter said th contact with anyone from the National Park November 2013 spearService since the Novemb point seizure. In fact, they say park service their inquiries about officials have ignored thei the investigation.

“I just wish they’d tell people where they’re at,” Axtell told me. m “I thought we major discovery and were helping with a maj then I’m threatened with being arrested.

What the hell?!” ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

MARCH 6, 2014

11

Food & Drink

by Jen Russo

Tasty Adventure Talking story with Daryl Fujiwara about HappyOpu for the project?

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

DARYL FUJIWARA: Tracie Takatani–my partner in crime on this “Tasty Adventure”–and I really want to challenge the chefs we are partnering with by asking them to push the themed ingredient or theme to their creative extreme. Our next HappyOpu will Chef Kyle Kawakami & Daryl Fujiwara be inspired by traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony, another he only thing that could make will deconstruct Hawaiian favorites and later, hanging off a zipline a better adaround the holidays, Hawaii chocolate. Right venture would be adding a food now, it’s looking quarterly for our events. truck. That’s exactly what Daryl Fujiwara had in mind when he planned his MT: Tell us how Maui Fresh Streatery was choHappyOpu events. In fact, the first one happens sen for this event and what they will be creating. this Sunday at Pi’iholo Zipline with Maui Fresh DF: Chef Kyle Kawakami is so talented.

Streatery. We picked Fujiwara’s brain about Changing Maui Fresh Streatery’s menu and how his tasty adventure idea came about: theme every two weeks is the epitome of a

T

MAUITIME: What is the foodie philosophy behind HappyOpu and what’s in store

“Tasty Adventure.” You can’t expect to show up at Maui Fresh Streatery’s food truck at Ilima Gas Station after an hour of being opened

without dishes being sold out. The line starts an hour before they open. Chef Kyle really does know how to make delicious food!

MT: Will you always be working with Maui Fresh Streatery?

DF: I want to showcase all of the chefs that make my opu happy! So, no, we won’t always be sharing Maui Fresh Streatery’s talents. Some of the other chefs we are looking to work with include up and coming Maui powerhouse chef Lyndon Honda and the Food Network’s Great Foodtruck Race winning chef Adam Tabura.

MT: Chef Adam Tabura? Does that mean Aloha Plate truck will be on Maui?

DF: Oh, just Adam on his own–the truck is not here. He’s been home on Maui for a while now but does get flown away often to do Aloha Plate truck stuff on the continent.

While on Maui, he does cater private events– I believe he did the Pu’unene ground-breaking for Mayor last–and he also has a small business called the Spice Rack. He was last at Maui Food Technology Center’s event up in Pukalani selling specialty spices.

MT: How will HappyOpu be different from other food and drink experiences?

DF: We’re riding on the ever popular popup trend. HappyOpu is all about collaborating and, like Oprah, we want to share all of our “favorite things”–which, coincidentally, are local businesses, and presenting them in a unique atmosphere. I mean ziplining to your food is fairly unique– definitely a first for Pi’iholo Zipline. We’re so excited that they’re collaborating with us and bringing our vision to life.

MT: Are you planning on zipping?

DF: This Sunday, no I won’t be zipping. I’ll be welcoming and hosting. I have zipped at Pi’iholo. Doing our walk-through was my first time so I have a soft spot now for Pi’iholo, I lost my zipline virginity there. I love rollercoasters and stuff so I didn’t think anything of it but, not going to lie, right when I was about to launch on the “orientation” line, I got nervous. While I was sliding down the first thing I thought was that I felt very safe. After that was out of the way there was only room to enjoy the spectacular views and enjoy my experience. It felt like I was flying. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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Craft Beer Superhighway

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

Maui Stone Craft Beverages hopes to bring mainland craft brews to the island

Garrett Marrero & Greg Koch

H

ave you ever gone to your corner store on a craft beer run, only to find the selection a bit dreary? That’s about to change.

Maui Brewing Company’s Garrett Marrero teamed up with San Diego’s Greg Koch of Stone Brewery to create a new distribution infrastructure just for craft enthusiasts.

It’s called Maui Stone Craft Beverages. Think of it as a craft brew superhighway from the

mainland to Maui.

Marrero says the beer must be shipped cold, and he had to procure 16,000 square feet of cold storage. Since most of the small brands his company plans to bring to the islands wouldn’t have been able to fill containers on their own, Marrero jokes that the company is just a freight forwarding for sixpacks and kegs.

“It’s been a long time coming,” says Marrero. “Given Stone’s portfolio, we will work together to bring that to Maui. We will leverage our goodwill and brand. There’s a connection with all of these breweries. Jacob McKean used to work at Stone, now he has started Modern Times and we will bring their beer to Maui.”

The camaraderie of craft is apparent as Koch explains how he came to create

Stone Brewing Co. with Steve Wagner after they started out as home brew enthusiasts.

Stone Brewery is the biggest craft brewery in Southern California, but it also serves as a cultivator of brew culture and an example in the industry.

It’s the same with Marrero. Former Brewer Kim Lutz of Maui Brewing Co. has teamed up with Saint Archer in San Diego. Now Maui will get to taste Lutz’s new IPAs and other ales, courtesy of Maui Stone Craft Beverages.

When I met with Koch and Marrero to talk about their launch, Koch meticulously helped me set up a stack of craft brew cans and bottles for a shoot. It had to be just so.

This kind of care and attentiveness to their product, combined with a philosophy that includes environmental concerns, sustainability and creativity, makes them more approachable than corporate beer. More than just hops, roasted malts and yeast fermentation, these mores are what makes some of the best beer in the nation.

Koch and Marrero met by chance on the way to the 2006 Seattle World Beer Cup and they’ve been fast friends ever since.

Maui Brewing Co. was in its infancy then, and Stone was a decade old. The two have teamed up to make special brews, and

Koch’s Stone Distributing has brought Maui Brewing Co. beer to California retailers and consumers since 2008.

Now, the plan is to hit Maui markets in mid-april, just in time for the sixth annual Maui Brewing Festival. Marrero sees this as a great opportunity to continue to offer Maui connoisseurs an expanding variety of craft brews–only now they’ll come from Mainland colleagues. The distribution network will begin with breweries in California and Colorado.

“Craft Brew is a rising tide of small boats,” says Koch. “The more we talk about it, the more we share. That will be our liberation from that fizzy yellow stuff.”

New Beers on the Town Stone Brewing Co AleSmith Brewing Company Avery Brewing Company Bear Republic Brewing Company The Bruery Oskar Blues Brewery Port Brewing Company / The Lost Abbey Saint Archer Brewing Co. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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Food & Drink

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Rodeo, Ribs And Whales Tasting the paniolo life at a Friday night Mendes Ranch BBQ

PHOTO COURTESY PATTI LINK

peacocks enjoy some of the best whalewatching on Maui.

“The welcome beverage feature tropical juices, some coming directly from George’s farm, just up the hill from Mendes Ranch,” says Nancy Kahumoku, George’s wife. “George’s own guava trees and lilikoi patch is one source for delicious flavors in Ron’s Panzo’s beverages. Ed Gazabat, a talented local musician, will be playing harmonica with George’s vocals, slack key guitar and Hawaiian vocals. Some country music with a Hawaiian twist will be featured.”

While sipping fresh juice from the Kahumoku’s farm, the Mendes ohana showed guests to their outdoor deck with Kahumoku and Gazabet playing lively

“These are the best ribs I ever had,” said my nephew Kenui Fujiwara.

“I ate a whole pile, the li-hing flavor is finger-licking ono.”

The Mendes’ family has owned this land since the 1940s. That’s when Manuel Mendes, known as “Red,” founded the ranch with his son Ernest.

Now Ernest’s son Allan is carrying on the family tradition.

The Ranch offers trail rides and ATV tours during the week, and you can also reserve the property for weddings and private rides. They do some lunch barbecues and have a gift shop. The Hawaiian Cowboy BBQ is their first evening event. Kahumoku says the rodeo demonstration is strictly for the Friday

Ron Panzo's Li Hing BBQ Ribs

I

a very successful private event last year featuring Ron’s famous BBQ, my music and Allan’s family of talented rodeo riders, the idea for a weekly public event was born.

We met right here on the dining lanai, overlooking the Mendes arena to the left, the stunning ocean cliffs to the right and the whales breaching in the distance and formulated a plan to allow Maui’s visitors access to this beautiful place.”

The Mendes Ranch is home to some of the most rugged ranch land on the island. Their pastures careen dramatically down the steep shoreline of the northeastfacing mountains, where they meet the deep blue Pacific. Their horses, goats and

PHOTO COURTESY PATTI LINK

’m not much of a paniolo. I’ve never mucked a stall or saddled a horse, but I can still romanticize the life of a cowboy. I picture long days wrangling the pastures on horseback, and evenings spent singing by the campfire over a hearty meal.

When Mendes Ranch–located between Waihe’e and Kahakuloa–announced their inaugural Hawaiian Cowboy Barbecue with George Kahumoku, Jr., I put on my boots and packed up the family.

“The Cowboy BBQ has been simmering on the back burner for over a year,” says Kahumoku. “Allan Mendes is great friends with both Ron Panzo and myself, and after

PHOTO COURTESY PATTI LINK

Barrel action on the Ranch

George Kahumoku, Jr.

music. The barbecue was just getting fired up with some delicious barbecue ribs and chicken. While waiting, there were plenty of paniolo activities to fire up a cowboy’s appetite. I tried my hand at branding–the Mendes Ranch sign is EX and I fired it into a souvenir piece of wood. It’s trickier than you think to press the brand into the wood and keep it even. The cowboys helping me said it’s even trickier getting it onto a cow’s butt.

There was also roping practice, a game of horse shoe, a hay ride and plenty of chickens, bunnies and sheep for the kids to check out. We played until the sunset while watching the Mendes family show off their rodeo expertise with barrel riding and roping.

The smell of the barbecue eventually drew everyone over to the deck and grill. The spread was vast: pineapple cole slaw, li hing ribs, BBQ chicken, grilled corn on the cob, lilikoi baked beans and taro rolls.

night barbecue guests.

“In general, the menu will be the same from week to week,” says Panzo.

“Paniolo BBQ is the theme, using fresh local and seasonal ingredients. The side dishes may change slightly as different seasonal items become available. There will always be paniolo-style barbecued meats.”

After dinner, you can greet and pet the horses–and even get on one and take a photo. The serving of Smores for dessert is a social event with everyone gathering around the fire to roast marshmallows and sing along with Kahumoku.

The family friendly Friday night Hawaiian paniolo barbecue takes place every Friday night starting at 4:30pm. They’re pau at 7:30pm. For more information call 808-669-3858, or go to kahumoku.com or mendesranch.com/bbq. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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Picks

by Marina Satoafaiga

This Weeks Picks FRIDAY, MAR. 7 CONSERVATIONS CONNECTIONS – This Friday, the Maui Invasive Species Committee presents a “Conservation Connections” talk story session with James Leary and Brooke Mahnken. Putting an unconventional spin on invasive species meetings, young Maui conservationists are invited to engage in digital mapping through paintball. Learn the importance of invasive species management while enjoying heavy pupu.

Grab a friend and be sure to RSVP. 10am-12pm. Kealia Pond National Wildlife Refuge. 808-398-6520, hawaiiinvasivespecies.org. Photo: Sean M. Hower

LANAI JAZZ FESTIVAL – Escape to Lanai for a weekend kend of Jazz this Friday through Sunday. HawaiiONTV and Jazz Alley TV aturing are presenting the fourth annual Lanai Jazz Festival, featuring free performances from Grammy-nominated, Jazz Hall ng of Fame legend Bobby Watson; Grammy-winning he artist Skip Martin of Dazz Band and Kool & the an Gang; Jazz duo Fulton Tashombe and P Bunuan azz and more. The three-day music festival celebrates Jazz musicians from near and far. For more information on special room rates and schedule of events visit lanaijazzfestival.com. Free. Photo: Darris Hurst

FRIDAY, MAR. 7 DAVID SEDARIS – The Maui Arts and Cultural Center is presenting a unique opportunity to meet the humorist, author and radio personality David Sedaris this Friday. From his first collection of essays (Barrel Fever) to his most recent work Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls, Sedaris has sold millions of copies. Often incorporating his Southern upbringing and Greek heritage, Sedaris has a talent for making people laugh. The evening will feature new and unpublished material, with a Q&A session afterward. $32-$62.

8pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, mauiarts.org. Photo: WBUR/Wikimedia Commons

42ND ANNUAL BAZAAR – Celebrating 42 years of tradition, Sacred Hearts School of Lahaina is inviting you to their annual Bazaar this Friday and Saturday, Mar. 7-8. Enjoy Turbo Tubs, a Gladiator Play Zone, massage and chiropractic booths and live music by HAPA, Ekolu and Marty Dread. Shop greenery and goodies while (hopefully) soaking in the island’s sunshine. Adults can stroll the silent auction and previous students can visit the alumni room. Free. 4pm10pm. Sacred Hearts School (239 Dickenson St., Lahaina), sacredheartsschool.net. Photo courtesy Sacred Hearts School

SATURDAY, SATU TU R TU RD DAY A , MAR. 8 M MAUI HEART WALK AND HEALTH FAIR – The American Heart Association presents the 16th annual Maui Heart Walk this Saturday. Organizations, companies and individuals are all invited to solicit donations, sponsor and or walk for the cause. It’s designed to get people thinking about the prevention and treatment of heart disease, stroke and other cardiovasc cular diseases as well as promoting exercise and wellness. The Heart Walk b brings together hundreds of people throughout Maui County. Register and make your pledge now–there is no minimum pledge. 7am-11am. Keopuolani Park mauiheartwalk.org. Photo courtesy American Heart Association (Wailuku); m

MAUI ROLLER GIRLS DOUBLE BOUT – Keep your head up and wheels down when the Maui Roller Girls take on a double-header this Saturday. First, catch the Junior Varsity take on Waimea Wranglers. Then the Varsity goes head to head with the Garden Island Renegade Rollerz, Inc. Come cheer on the ladies of Maui during this smoke, drug and alcohol-free event. Bring a blanket and chair for an afternoon of fun. 2:30pm. $4-$5. Central Maui B&G Club Outdoor Basketball Court (100 Kanaloa Ave.); mauirollergirls.com. Photo courtesy Mauirollergirls.com

SATURDAY, MAR SATURDAY MAR. 8 ‘DESPICABLE ME’ – The MACC’s Starry Night Cinema presents the 2010 film Despicable Me this Saturday. Stopped in his tracks by three orphaned girls, the evil genius Gru’s world is turned upside down. Can they change his scheming ways? Come early for live music, door prizes and keiki-friendly activities. Bring blankets and chairs, and dinner is available for purchase.

Free. 5:30pm gates open. 7pm movie begins. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, mauiarts.org. Photo: Movieweb

TASTE OF SCHOOL GARDENS – Grow Some Good has planted school gardens across South and Central Maui. Join local chefs and school garden supporters this Saturday for the second annual Grow Some Good: Taste of School Gardens event. The evening will feature music by BrownChicken BrownCow, gourmet crafted dishes from local celebrity chefs and a silent auction. Top chefs from various restaurants will use produce direct from these local and school gardens.

Enjoy brews from Maui Brewing Co. and wine from Young’s Market. Vegetarian options available. $89 pre-sale. $99 day of. $850 table of 10. 5-8:30pm. Hotel Wailea (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea), growsomegood.org. Photo: Sean M. Hower

SATURDAY, MAR. 8 EKOLU TRIO – This Saturday, Ekolu will serenade the Stella Blues crowd. Since their first hit “Down in the Valley,” the Maui trio has grown and traveled thousands of miles to spread the aloha spirit. Their catchy tunes and island vibes of “Just One Night” and “Shores of Waiehu” are now island theme songs. Grab dinner and enjoy an intimate performance with the brothers. Dinner & Show $60, 5pm. Show Only $30, 7:15pm. Stella Blues (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-3779, stellablues.com.

Photo courtesy Ekolu Facebook page

MAUI AIDS FOUNDATION’S MARDI GRAS – Back for another year, r, the Maui AIDS Foundation’s annual Mardi Gras extravaganza takes place this Saturday. The VIP dinner may be sold out due to popular demand but d guests are still invited for a night of dancing. DJ LaRage, DJ Kurt and h DJ Trvr should keep the party going while mistress of the night Trish da Dish will keep the mike company. Take a break from the dance floor and stroll the silent auction. Oh, and the best costume gets a prize.

Proceeds will benefit those affected by HIV/AIDS on Maui. $35-$40.

9pm-1am. The King Kamehameha Golf Club (2500 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Wailuku), MauiAids.org. Photo courtesy MAF

SUNDAY, MAR. 9 SPCA ‘FIX’ THE PROBLEM CLINIC – Help Maui’s feral cat population by enrolling your cat (or the neighborhood cat) in Maui SPCA’s “fix” the problem clinic this Sunday. All cats are welcome and all fixes are on a donation basis. Cat owners (or volunteers) must call the clinic to reserve a space. The public can borrow traps for feral cats, volunteer their time or sponsor a fix. For other clinic days or more information on locations, contact info@mauispca.org or call 808-280-0738.

Photo: Dwight Sipler/Wikimedia Commons

MONDAY, M MO OND N DAY A , MA MAR. 10 NAT NATALIE COLE – The daughter of musical legend Nat King Cole, Natalie Col Cole has followed her father’s footsteps and has proven simply “Unforgettab table.” Enjoy the sultry songstress this Monday, in the MACC’s Castle Theater for an evening of classic R&B. Selling more than 30 million records worldwide, Nat Natalie’s talent and work on hits like “This Will Be,” and “Inseparable” have mad made her a household name just as recognizable as her father’s. $45-$150.

7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron 7:3 Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, mauiarts.org. Photo: Wikimedia Commons Way

HAPPY OPU LAUNCH – According to their Facebook page, HappyOpu “started on Instagram as a hashtag.” Celebrate the launch of the foodie movement this Sunday at Pi’iholo Zipline.

The event will feature food from Maui Fresh Streatery, Hamakua Mushrooms, WowWowLemonade and AdoboLoco.

Guests can zip (four lines) and be merry or just indulge in the yummy grinds. A swag bag and four dishes come with either ticket option. Get your Instagram engines going because the guest with the most creative and yummiest post wins a prize. Don’t forget to follow @happyopu and #happyopupiiholo hashtag to enter. $60-$150. Pi’iholo Zipline (1156 Makawao Ave.); 808-264-8779, happyopuevents@gmail.com

TUESDAY, MAR. 11 TRACKING ASTEROIDS – This Tuesday, youth on Lanai will get the opportunity to talk with Dr. James Armstrong, the Maui Technology Education & Outreach Specialist at the UH Institute of Astronomy. Suitable for keiki 12 and up, students will learn about asteroids and the solar system during this unique talk story session. Free. 2pm. Lanai Public & School Library (555 Fraser Ave., Lanai City); 808-565-7920. Photo: NASA/Wikimedia Commons

MARCH 6, 2014 17

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Film

by Barry Wurst II

‘Son Of God’ Loved the book, not so much the movie Son Of God ★★★★★ Rated PG13 / 138 Min.

W

hile I was in high school and pursuing every available chance to act in theatrical productions, I appeared in a passion play. It was produced by the First Assembly of God church, where I was a student at their Ka’ahumanu Hou Christian School. It was a great deal of fun and I still have Passion ‘95 listed on my acting resume. I had to wear my dad’s bathrobe and some sandals to play one of the extras in the crowd who taunted Jesus during his crucifixion. Apparently, I gave a good performance, as one of my friends told me afterwards she was truly angered (or was it annoyed?) by the way I laughed and yelled out, “Yes! Crucify him!”

A moment I used to love watching from the audience was when Jesus multiplied the meager fish and bread in a basket for his believers. It was a slight of hand bit that took real David Copperfield-like flair: the basket was visibly empty and lowered, for just a second, into the crowd. It pops back

up and was full of food for the Israelites.

In the current biblical drama, Son of God, the moment is performed with so many cuts and close-ups, it’s obvious the basket of a few fish and chips was swapped with another. There’s no magic, no awe in the moment. The same could be said for the rest of this forgettable movie.

This is an extension of the over-hyped The Bible mini-series and I knew the movie was in trouble from the dubious opening scene. The apostle John narrates the film, saying, “He was there, during the flood...” and we’re suddenly flashing back to Noah. More to the point, we’re watching a scene from the mini-series, then another, then another. John’s memory is composed of scenes that could be introduced with “Previously on The Bible...”

Most films simply allow their story to unfold. This one seems to come with a schedule, as we check off each incident from the synoptic Gospels as they briefly occur, then move quickly onto the next one.

It may be a filmed Passion play but there’s visibly little passion on display here from either side of the camera. The filmmaking is functional, at best; most of the work went into the costumes and the actors display

Good thing Jesus has been hitting the gym lately

a variety of European accents but no one owns their role. Playing Christ, Diogo Morgado is vibrantly handsome and smiles a lot but he’s just okay and never gets at the more complex, internal possibilities available.

The only recognizable actor in the cast is Roma Downey, who co-produced the film with her husband, the currently ubiquitous Mark Burnett. Downey plays Mary, Mother of Jesus, and is distractingly out of place. I don’t mean to be unkind, but Downey is visibly wearing make-up (as in Loreal, not the Hollywood movie set type) and has had her eyebrows waxed. She appears as out of place at the crucifixion as Kim Kardashian would.

The Last Supper has real impact, as we view the horror of the Apostles, who are clearly shell-shocked when their host an-

nounces he will be dead very soon. The crucifixion sequence is as strong as expected, though the limp wrap-up scenes diffuse all the accumulated dramatic tension.

Franco Zefferelli’s Jesus of Nazareth remains definitive for me, though I also prefer the devout, personal and still-controversial The Passion of the Christ from director Mel Gibson. A decade later, it’s still too violent but many have forgotten its tremendous filmmaking and performances.

Jim Caviezel made the love and suffering of Christ very real to me and even to those unmoved by the film itself. I’ll never forget that film, nor Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ. Those films conveyed what acts of love they were for all involved. With Son of God, the message it left me with was, Buy the DVD! ■

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Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Son Of God-PG13- THU 10:30 1:25 4:20 7:15 10:10, FRI-WED 10:30 1:25 4:20 7:15 10:10 The Wind Rises-PG13- THU 11:45 2:30, FRI-SAT 10:00 12:45 3:30 6:15, SUN-WED 12:45 3:30 6:15 Robocop-PG13- THU 11:00 2:00 4:30 7:30 10:00, FRI-WED 11:00 2:00 4:30 7:30 10:00 Ride Along-PG13- THU 10:45 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:45 Pompeii-PG13- THU 11:30 2:00 4:35 7:00 9:45, FRI-WED 11:30 2:00 4:35 7:20 9:45 Starting Over Again-NR- THU 10:40 1:30 4:25 7:15 10:00 300: Rise of an Empire-R- FRI-WED 11:00 12:00 1:25 2:25 3:45 5:10 6:10 7:35 8:35 9:20 10:00 MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) Non-Stop-PG13- THU 11:00 1:40 4:20 7:00 10:00, FRI (11:00 1:40 4:20) 6:30 7:00 9:10 9:40 SAT-SUN (11:00 1:40) 4:20 6:30 7:00 9:10 9:40, MON-WED (11:00 1:40 4:20) 6:30 7:00 9:10 9:40 3 Days To Kill-PG13- THU 10:50 1:40 4:40 7:20 10:20, FRI (10:50 1:20 4:20) 7:00 9:50, SAT-SUN (10:50 1:20) 4:20 7:00 9:50, MON-WED (10:50 1:20 4:20) 7:00 9:50 About Last Night-R- THU 11:00 1:50 4:20 6:50 9:40, FRI (4:10) 10:20, SAT-SUN 4:10 10:20, MON-WED (4:10)10:20 The LEGO Movie-THU 2D 11:50 2:20 5:00 7:30 10:00 3D 11:50 2:20 5:00 7:30 10:00, FRI 2D (11:30 2:10 4:40) 7:10 9:40 3D (11:00 1:30 4:00), SAT 2D (11:30 2:10) 4:40 7:10 9:40 3D (11:00 1:30) 4:00, SUN 2D (2:10) 4:40 7:10 9:40 3D (11:00 1:30) 4:00, MON-WED 2D (11:30 2:10 4:40) 7:10 9:40 3D (11:00 1:30 4:00) The Monuments Men- PG13- THU 10:50 1:20 4:10 7:10 10:00, FRI (10:50 1:30 4:30) 7:20 10:10, SAT-SUN (10:50 1:30) 4:30 7:20 10:10, MONWED (10:50 1:30 4:30) 7:20 10:10 That Awkward Moment-R- THU 4:00 10:20 Lone Survivor-R- THU 1:00 3:50 6:40 9:30, FRI (12:40 3:40) 6:50 9:50, SAT-SUN (12:40) 3:40

6:50 9:50, MON-WED (12:40 3:40) 6:50 9:50 The Legend Of Hercules-PG13- THU 11:20 4:30 9:30 The Wolf Of Wall Street-R- THU 12:00 3:20 6:30 9:40, FRI-WED (2:50) 9:00 American Hustle-R- FRI (12:30 3:30) 6:30 9:30, SAT-SUN (12:30) 3:30 6:30 9:30, MON-WED (12:30 3:30) 6:30 9:30 Frozen-PG- THU 10:50 1:20 4:00 6:40 9:50, FRI (11:10 1:50 4:30) 7:10 10:00, SAT (11:10 1:50) 4:30 7:10 10:00, SUN (1:50) 4:30 7:10 10:00, MON-WED (11:10 1:50 4:30) 7:10 10:00 Philomena-PG13- THU 2:00 7:10, FRI-WED (12:10) 6:40 Mr. Peabody and Sherman-PG- 2D FRI (11:50 2:20 4:50) 7:30 10:00, SAT-SUN (11:50 2:20) 4:50 7:30 10:00 MON-WED (11:50 2:20 4:50) 7:30 10:00, 3D FRI (11:10 1:40 4:10) 6:50 9:20,

Mr. Peabody and Sherman opens this week

to find her sister. Oh, and there’s a snowman in there somewhere. 108 min.

MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN - PG - Animation - As anyone who’s watched Bullwinkle knows, this is about genius dog Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman traveling through time to meet important people and save history. 92 min.

LONE SURVIVOR - R - Action - Four Navy SEALs end up in a very bad situation in Afghanistan in 2005. Stars Mark Wahlberg. 121 min.

NOW PLAYING 3 DAYS TO KILL - PG13 - Action/Drama - A dying Secret Service agent must do one last assignment so he can get some experimental drug that could save his life. Also, he wants to reconnect with his estranged daughter because, you know, Hollywood. 113 min.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT - R - Romance/Comedy People meet at a bar, then go to bed together. Hilarity ensues. 113 min.

AMERICAN HUSTLE - R - Drama - A con man (Christian Bale) and his pretty partner in crime (Amy Adams) end up working with a crazy FBI agent (Bradley Cooper). 138 min.

FROZEN - PG - Animation - Kristen Bell plays some girl who makes her way through some icy kingdom

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Non-Stop-PG13- THU 1:30 4:15 7:15, FRI-SUN 1:30 4:15 7:15 10:00, MON 1:30 4:15 7:15, TUE 1:30 4:15 7:15 10:00, WED 1:30 4:15 7:15 Son Of God-PG13- THU 12:30 3:45 7:00, FRISUN 12:30 3:45 6:45 9:50, MON 12:30 3:45 6:45, TUE 12:30 3:45 6:45 9:50, WED 12:30 3:45 6:45 The LEGO Movie-PG- THU 2D 4:30 3D 2:00 300: Rise of an Empire- THU 3D 8:00, FRI-SUN 2D 4:00 3D 1:00 7:00 9:45, MON 2D 4:00 3D 1:00 7:00, TUE 2D 4:00 3D 1:00 7:00 9:45, WED 2D 4:00 3D 1:00 7:00

Live

NEW THIS WEEK

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE - R - Action/War - Totally ripped Greeks and Persians battle it out again over land, some chick, whatever. 102 min.

SAT-SUN (11:10 1:40) 4:10 6:50 9:20, MON-WED (11:10 1:40 4:10) 6:50 9:20

MONUMENTS MEN - PG13 - Drama - George Clooney and Matt Damon star in this not particularly accurate look at American soldiers in World War II who rescued works of art from the Nazis. 118 min.

NON-STOP - PG13 - Action/Thriller - An air marshal must do something a bunch of people on a trans-Atlantic flight after the airline is threatened.

Stars Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore. 106 min.

PHILOMENA - PG13 - Drama - A political journalist investigates a woman who was forced into a convent after becoming pregnant and is now looking for her son. 98 min.

POMPEII - PG13 - Action/Drama - A Roman gladiator tries to rescue his chick from a corrupt senator while Mount Vesuvius blows its top. 105 min.

ROBOCOP - PG13 - Action/Sci-Fi - Not so great remake of the great 1987 sci-fi flick of the same name.

Stars Joel Kinnaman and Gary Oldman. 102 min SON OF GOD - PG13 - Drama - Another dramatic look at the life of Jesus, probably somewhere between King of Kings and The Passion of the Christ.

See this week’s film critique. 138 min.

THE LEGO MOVIE - PG - Animation/Comedy - A LEGO minifigure battles a tyrant who wants to glue the universe together. 100 min.

THE WIND RISES - PG13 - Animation - Hayao Miyazaki is back with this colorful and fanciful adventure about a Japanese boy who dreams of aircraft and flying in the 1920s. 126 min.

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET - R - Comedy - Martin Scorsese tells the story of Wall Street crook Jordan Belfort in all his sleazy, crooked glory. 180 min.

LAST CHANCE RIDE ALONG - PG13 - Action/Comedy - Ice Cube and Kevin Hart star in this flick about a security guy who tags along with a cop so he can marry his (the cop’s) sister. 100 min.

LIVE M A

Music

LOBSTE INE KING C R & RAB

rs Thurs

Steve St eve Sargenti ev Sarrggen Sa geen nttii 2-5pm 2--5 5pm 5p pm Steve Viict V ict c or o ia ia/S /Str /S trrin tri ing Guitar Gu uit itaar ar 5-7pm 5-7 -7pm pm m Victoria/String She Sh S hea ea & Eddie Edd E ddie dd die ie Nuno Nun uno 7-10pm 7--1 7 10 0pm pm Shea

ri Fri

Ben Deleon Be Dele De leon on 4-7pm 4-7 -7pm pm Ben Ma M au uii Blues Blu lues es Band Baan nd 7-10pm 7-10 710p pm m Maui

Sat

Stev St eve Sargenti eve Sarrggeen Sa nti ti 2-5pm 2-5 -5p pm m Steve Viicto V ccttor oriaa/S /Str trin ing Guitar Guittaarr 5-7pm Gu 5-7 7pm pm Victoria/String Th T hu un ndeer & Lightning Liiggh L htn nin ng 7-10pm 7-1 710 0p pm m Thunder

Karaoke Karraaoke Kara Ka oke 7-10pm ok 7-10 710pm pm Sun Viictor cttor o ia/ ia/S ia /Sttrrin ing Guitar Guit Gu itaarr 6-8:30pm itar 6-8 8:30p :3 30p 0pm on VVictoria/String Mon Stev St Steve ve Sa S Sargenti arggeen nti ti 3 3-6pm -6 6pm pm es Victoria/String Tues Viiict V ctoria ct orria ia/S ia/S /Str Str trin ing Guitar Guittar Gu ar 6-8:30pm 6-8 8:3 30p 0pm pm Ben Deleon Be Ben De D elleeo on n 3:30-6:30pm 3:3 300-6: 6:30 0pm pm ed VVi Wed ict ctor oria ria ia/S /S Str triin trin ng Guitar ng Gu Guit uit itar ita ar 6:30-9pm 6::3 300-9p pm Victoria/String

STARTING OVER AGAIN - UR - Drama - Two exes run into each years after their relationship broke apart. 130 min.

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT - R - Romance/ Comedy - Three best friends try to deal with their relationships. 94 min.

THE LEGEND OF HERCULES - PG13 - Action Yet another retelling of the ancient story about the mythical Greek hero. 99 min.

MAUI’S FINEST STEAK & FISH HOUSE 1945 S. KIHEI RD • 808.214.5788 11AM - 11PM MON - SAT 7AM - 11PM SUNDAY

MARCH 6, 2014 21

by Alex Mitchell & Dayna Yamasaki

Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY TOWN PARTY - Fri, Mar 7. See This Week’s Picks. Free. 6pm-9pm.

Wailuku (Market Street), mauifridays.com DAVID SEDARIS- Fri, Mar 7. See This Week’s Picks. Tickets: $32, $39.50, $47, $62. 8pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Castle Theater. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org FOURTH ANNUAL LANAI JAZZ FESTIVALMar 7-9. See This Week’s Picks. For more information, tickets, and special room rates, please visit lanaijazzfestival.com. Four Seasons Resort, Manele Bay (One Manele Rd., Lanai City); 808-565-2000 MAUI AIDS FOUNDATION MARDI GRAS - Sat, Mar 8. See This Week’s Picks. $35-$40.

9pm-1am. The King Kamehameha Golf Club (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku), MauiAids.org EKOLU TRIO AT STELLA BLUES - Sat, Mar 8.

See This Week’s Picks. Dinner & Show $60, 5pm.

Show Only $30, 7:15pm. Stella Blues (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-3779, stellablues.com TASTE OF SCHOOL GARDENS - Sat, Mar 8.

See This Week’s Picks. 5-8:30pm, Hotel Wailea (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-344-0469, growsomegood.org/events ABRAHAM VERGHESE-TALK & RECEPTIONSat, Mar 8. Join physician and author Dr. Abraham Verghese for an intimate talk titled “The Connection between Ritual and Medicine.” He’s the author of the New York Times bestseller Cutting for Stone and a professor at Stanford University. He will be reflecting on the patient-physician relationship during this event. $35 includes hosted receptions and refreshments. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, McCoy Studio Theater. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org NATALIE COLE- Mon, Mar 10. See This Week’s Picks. Tickets are $45, $65, $85, $125, and $150 for premiere seating. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Castle Theater. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org

STAGE LA CAGE AUX FOLLE Fri-Sun. Jerry Herman’s La Cage aux Folles has returned to Maui. Georges is the manager of a St. Tropez nightclub featuring drag entertainment, and Albin is his romantic partner and the star attraction. Farcical adventures ensue when Georges’ son, Jean-Michel (fathered during a one-night fling), brings home his fiancée’s ultra-conservative parents to meet them. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 14 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful and entertaining cultural education on Maui. Starting at $15.99 keiki / $39.99 adults. Kama‘aina, dinner and VIP packages available. 6:30pm Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; mauitheatre.com

social change, political oppression and revolution in Russia during the early 1900’s. The production is famous for a soundtrack that includes songs like “Sunrise, Sunset” and “If I were a Rich Man.” The show runs through Sunday, Mar. 16. 7:30pm. $24 adults, $22 seniors & $18 students (18 and under). MAPA’s Steppingstone Playhouse (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-244-8760, mauiacademy.org

FOODIE VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - Thu, Mar 6. See (and sample) how Chef Rachel Davies uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfast, and desserts. No registration required. For a jump start on the class, check out more than 600 healthy recipes at downtoearth.org. First and third Thursday of every month. Free. 5:30-6:30pm Down To Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808877-2661; downtoearth.org THE ONE AND ONLY- PARMIGIANO REGGIANO - Sat, Mar 8. More than 400 wheels of Parmigiano Reggiano will be cracked and sampled at Whole Foods Market Stores in US, Canada and UK. Join us as we celebrate this fun day with festive demos and samples. Free. 11am Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310.

JAPENGO SATURDAY SUSHI SCHOOL - Sat, Mar 8. Join sushi chef Jay Ledee in Japengo’s chic sushi lounge. Learn how to create Japengo’s signature sushi rolls from scratch, with hands-on instruction from Chef Jay and Japengo’s team of expert sushi chefs. $50 per person (includes sushi, nonalcoholic beverages, tax and gratuity). Maximum 20 people per class, reservations are required. Every 2nd and 4th Saturday of every month. 3-4:30pm Japengo at the Hyatt Regency, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4727; maui.hyatt.com ITALIAN AMERICAN CLUB 20TH ANNIVERSARY LUNCHEON - Sun, Mar 9. The Italian American Club of Maui will celebrate 20 years this month by hosting an Italian Buffet Luncheon. IACM is an Italian heritage club whose mission is to promote the Italian culture through fellowship, good food, and friendship. Everyone is welcomed, and you need not be of Italian heritage to join. The luncheon is open to the public. $35 per person includes buffet, dessert, ice tea, coffee and gratuity; write checks payable to Italian American Club of Maui by Mar. 6, 2014 (Treasurer Kip Bowley, P.O. Box 3048, Wailuku, HI 96793).

1-3pm Vineyard Food Company (1951 Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-280-8008; decor8maui@aol.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun, Mar 9. Enjoy a healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first-come, first-served and does sell out. Kama‘aina offer not applicable. Ko Restaurant at The Fairmont Kea Lani, Maui, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; fairmont.com

ART

BURN’N LOVE–A MUSICAL JOURNEY STARRING DARREN LEE - Daily. Experience Elvis in Hawaii with Burn’n Love! Relive the nostalgia of Blue Hawaii and the Aloha from Hawaii live broadcast that made TV history with the most authentic Elvis tribute show ever presented on stage! Shows Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 8pm.

Tickets start at $59.99, and kama‘aina prices are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 8pm Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; mauitheatre.com

MOHALA HOU KE KAPA-KAPA BLOSSOMS ANEW - Wed, Mar 6-9. This invitational exhibition features a select group of 20+ kapa practitioners from Hawaii and California, whose work involves traditional and non-traditional use of materials and techniques in kapa-making. Learn about the history, tools and botanical resources of this ancient Hawaiian art form, and the dedicated work of those who have revitalized the almost-lost knowledge and cultural value of the craft. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Gallery & Morgado Hall. (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF - The Maui Academy of Performing Arts is presenting the classic musical Fiddler on the Roof. The show deals with

BAZ MAUI - Fri, Mar 7. Baz is a self-taught artist with over 20 years of experience. Originally from

22 MARCH 6, 2014

Saint Vincent and the Grenadines he was influenced by his father, a skilled carpenter and guitar maker, and the vibrant colors and form of Caribbean art. A talent fiber artist, Baz will be working with material directly from nature including barks and leaves. Refreshments served. Free. 4:30-7:30pm Maui Hands Gallery (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898.

JANICE LOCKWOOD-AVERILL - Fri, Mar 7.

Meet Janice at a reception event and take a look at her gallery of her Critters Doing Jail Time Exhibition. A whimsical colorful display of fun scenes and critters for all ages painted in acrylics and textured embellishments. Refreshments provided.

Free. 6-8pm Old Jail Gallery at Courthouse Lahaina (648 Wharf St., Lahaina).

MORT LUBY - Mon, Mar 10. Mort Luby studied art at the Universities of Notre Dame and Chicago. He is a member of numerous art associations, including the Oil Painters of America, the Plein Air Painters of Chicago, the Valley Art Club and the Palette and Chisel Academy of Art in Chicago. Mort paints in oil and watercolor. The scope of his work encompasses everything from life drawings to huge oil paintings of historical scenes. The artist will be demonstrating watercolor techniques. A large collection of both oil and watercolor paintings will be on display. Free. 11am-1:30pm Maui Hands Gallery (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-2021.

VICTORIA WUNDRUM - Tue, Mar 11. Acrylic and pastel and also creates jewelry and mixed media constructions. She says of her recent body of watercolors “I love the combination of control and abandonment. Carefully painting clear water on a detailed space and then dropping pigment and watching it move and settle into the thick, textured paper is wonderful. I love the bright clear colors that can be captured with watercolor.”

Free. 11am-3pm Maui Hands Galleries (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-2021.

NADINE RAMELB - Wed, Mar 12. Purely selftaught, Nadine Ramelb’s artistic expression has evolved from the inspiration of the paradise of Hawaii, where she has lived for the last 27 years. Her watercolor style is free-form blends and bleeds of lush color applications without pre-penciling. Her beautiful new scenic series is created in acrylics using her signature strokes. Free. 12-5:30pm Maui Hands Gallery (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245.

TICKETS ON SALE ALEXANDER ACADEMY’S SWAN LAKE - Mar 15 and 16. Alexander Academy Performing Company (AAPC) will perform Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake.

The nonprofit AAPC presents a full-length production each year to showcase the talent and skill of more than 150 dancers ages three to adult. This year’s Swan Lake will open with select contemporary and Jazz pieces choreographed by Academy faculty, offering a modern interpretation before the full-length ballet takes the stage. Showtimes will be 2pm and 6pm on Saturday and Sunday, respectively, with a multiple-show discount available. Tickets run $10-30, and are available online at alexanderacademy.info. Seabury Hall, ‘A‘ali‘ikuhonua Creative Arts Center, (480 Olinda Rd, Makawao).

JOHN SEBASTIAN - Fri, Mar 21. This founding member of The Lovin’ Spoonful had original songs become hits like, “Do You Believe In Magic?,” “You Didn’t Have To Be So Nice,” “Daydream,” “Younger Girl,” “Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind?” and “Summer In The City.” Sebastian remains one of the best ambassadors of American music today. Doors open at 7:00 pm. Tickets: $40. $45. $55. Reserved. For Videos, Music and more information, visit lazarbear.com. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org

AUGIE T & REX NAVARRETE- BENEFIT FOR TYPHOON HAIYAN - Fri, Mar 21. Local favorites Rex Navarrete—the “Premiere Filipino American Comedian”–and Augie T—“Hawaii’s Favorite Filipino Portuguese Comedian”–perform together in a big night of laughs. Tickets are $20 and $35. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, McCoy Studio Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org HAWAII PACIFIC UNIVERSITY SYMPHONY WITH MAKANA - Sat, Apr 5. Called “dazzling” by The New York Times, slack key guitar master Makana teams up with the Hawaii Pacific University Symphony Orchestra for this sonically captivating evening of music. The art of Hawaiian slack key guitar (ki ho‘alu) produces symphoniclike sound from one guitar. Makana with the HPU Symphony is a rare and powerful combination that is not to be missed. Special guests include alternative folk band sensation Streetlight Cadence.

Tickets are $30, $20, $15 for seniors, military, and $10 students w/ID. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org BOB DYLAN - Sat, Apr 26. The legendary singersongwriter will perform in Hawaii for the first time in 16 years. Bob Dylan’s best music often touched on contemporary social issues: “Like a Rolling Stone,” “Tangled Up in Blue,” “Just Like a Woman,” “All Along the Watchtower,” “Mr. Tambourine Man,” “Blowin’ in the Wind” and “Times They Are a Changing,” In 1997, Dylan became the first rock musician to receive the Kennedy Center Honors for lifetime achievement in performing arts, and in 2008 he was the recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for his “profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power.” $59-$125. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787, mauiarts.org

EVENTS THURSDAY, MAR 6 HUMPBACK WHALE SOUNDS - Jessica Chen is a PhD student at the University of Hawaii at Manoa in the Marine Mammal Research Program.

She’s been studying humpback whale songs along the Hawaiian Island chain, song occurrence around Kauai and mother-calf communications.

Now you can listen to her talk about her fascinating research. Free. 6-8pm Kihei Conference Room (726 South Kihei Rd.); 808-725-5902; hawaiihumpbackwhale.noaa.gov

FRIDAY, MAR 7 FREE GOPRO CLINIC - Wear it, mount it, love it! Learn some tips and tricks with GoPro Ambassador Patrick Rynne as he covers everything from basic camera tips to basic editing. If you own a GoPro, bring it with you for help setting it up, or to learn some new things. Free. 6-8pm. Adventure Sports Maui, (400 Hana Hwy., Kahului).

CONSERVATIONS CONVERSATIONS See This Week’s Picks. 10am-12pm. Kealia Pond National Wildlife Refuge. 808-398-6520, hawaiiinvasivespecies.org FREE SPINE HEALTH SCREENINGS - Join us & meet Dr James Urban with over 20 years of experience in the “gonstead” art from of adjusting - the “gold standard” in traditional full-spine adjusting.

Dr Urban is offering complementary health scans of the spine through the use of thermography for Whole Foods Market customers. Free. 12:303:30pm Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310 x120 SACRED HEARTS SCHOOL 42ND ANNUAL BAZAAR - Fri-Sat. See This Week’s Picks. Free.

4pm-10pm. Sacred Hearts School (239 Dickenson St., Lahaina), sacredheartsschool.net

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AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

DigiLuxe w/DJ Kurt 10pm

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Mardi Gras w/ DJ Larage, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdays w/DJ Decka, 10pm

Volcanic Sunday w/ Playwfire Ono, $5 cover, 9pm

Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; no cover

CASANOVA

WED- Famous Ladies Night w/DJ Kurt, 9-1am

1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Blues Night w/ Mark Johnstone & Justin Favell, 6:30-8:30pm

DK Kamikaze & DJ Big Mike $10, 10pm

Dunkelbunt, w/Paul Gotel & Boogiemeister, $15 9:30pm

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

DaveCarroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED-TBA

Next Level Entertainment 9pm

Rampage, 10pm

Rachael’s Going Away Party w/ DJ Laura, 9pm

Gina Martinelli , 6pm

TUE-Pool League, 9pm, WED-Von & Friends, 8pm

Quiz 7pm

DJ 10pm

Jordan 7pm

S.I.N.

MON -Bartenders Mix, TUE-Johnny Ringo 10pm

Randall Rospond, 6:30pm

Soul Kitchen, 6:30pm

Alapa Drive, 6:30pm

Rick G, 6:30pm

MON-Rick G 6:30pm, WED-JD on the Rocks 6:30pm

Dominic 6pm, JAH Residentz 9pm

Rick G 4pm, Dat Guyz 9pm

Ryan Robinson 4pm, CHALA, 9pm

Karaoke 8pm

MON - Karaoke, 8pm / TUE- Karaoke / WED- Rick Glencross 4-8pm & Open Mic, 9pm

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd.- 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-5700

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

AVDJ All-Request, 4-7pm no cover

Karaoke 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Rick Glencross, 7pm

Mel Aruza, 7pm

Rick Glencross, 7pm

16TH ANNUAL MAUI HEART WALK - See This Week’s Picks. 7am-11am. Keopuolani Park (Wailuku); mauiheartwalk.org

STARRY NIGHT CINEMA SHOWS ‘DESPICABLE ME’ - See This Week’s Picks. Free.

5:30pm gates open. 7pm movie begins. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, mauiarts.org

MAUI ROLLER GIRLS DOUBLE HEADER See This Week’s Picks. 2:30pm. $4-$5. Central Maui B&G Club Outdoor Basketball Court (100 Kanaloa Ave.); mauirollergirls.com KEIKI CAN READ TO A THERAPY DOG - Assistance Dogs of Hawaii is a nonprofit organization that provides people with physical disabilities speciallytrained dogs to assist them in living more independent lives. They are now presenting a program which is said to improve children’s reading and communication skills. Reading to a Therapy Dog can help build a keiki’s reading confidence, strengthen literacy skills, and is a lot of fun. Please contact the Library to sign up your children for 15-minute reading sessions. Pre-registration is required, and all children must be accompanied by a parent or caregiver. Free program for keiki in grades 1-5. 3-4pm Makawao Public Library (1159

MON- Evan Schulman 5:30-8:30, no cover, TUE-AVDJ 4-7pm, no cover WED-Kenny Roberts, 5:30-8:30pm, no cover

Karaoke 9pm

Makawao Ave.); 808-573-8785; librarieshawaii.org

FREE 25-MINUTE REIKI TREATMENTS Without body manipulation, Reiki balances our body’s energy centers to promote well being of Body, Mind and Spirit. Sign up for a free tune up.

Walk-ins welcome, time permitting. Want to learn Reiki? Ask about upcoming classes. 11am-4pm The Gym Maui (300 Ohukai Rd., Kihei); 808-8918108; facebook.com/TheGymMaui

MON - Open Mic & Jam, 7-10pm / TUE - Howard Ahia & Friends 6:30-8:30/ WED-Jamie Gallo Showcase, 6:30-8:30

Evan Schulman, 5:30-8:30pm

SATURDAY, MAR 8

PLAY ALONG WITH UKULELE MELE - Ukulele players of all abilities are invited to bring their instruments to workshops led by “master of multiple genres and strumming styles” Mele Fong at the Bailey House Museum in Wailuku. Fong is a professional singer and entertainer, who also teaches private and small group lessons at the Museum. $10. 10am-12pm Bailey House Museum, (2375A Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326; UkuleleMeleOnMaui.com; info@mauimuseum.org

MON - Mellow Yellow w/DJ Skinny Guy 9pm, TUE- Tequila Tuesday w/DJ Kurt 9pm, WED- Polka Dots & Moonbeams w/DJ , 10pm

SUNDAY, MAR 9 SPCA “FIX” THE PROBLEM CLINIC - See This Week’s Picks. Clinic Days are Mar 9 and 23, April 13 and 27 and May 4, 18 and 25. For more information on locations, contact info@mauispca.org or call 808-280-0738.

HAPPY OPU LAUNCH - Sun, Mar 9. See This Week’s Picks. $60-$150. Pi‘iholo Zipline (1156 Makawao Ave.); 808-264-8779, happyopuevents@gmail.com COMPLETE HEALTH IMPROVEMENT PROGRAM - Interested in taking back control of your health and well-being? Here’s a chance to meet representatives from the Complete Health Improvement Program (CHIP). Learn how a plantstrong diet can radically improve your energy level and waistline. Free. 11-2pm Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808242-8423; kahuluichip@gmail.com FREE HULA SHOW - Free. 11am Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com GLBT MAUI PRIDE MARTINI NIGHT - GLBT and friends are invited to sip martinis and mingle every Sunday at Ambrosia. Free. No host food & drinks. 8pm-2am Ambrosia, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; mauipride.org

TUESDAY, MAR 11 TRACKING ASTEROIDS - See This Week’s Picks. Free. 2pm. Lanai Public & School Library (555 Fraser Ave., Lanai City); 808-565-7920 FREE SPINE HEALTH SCREENINGS - Dr. James

WED - Karaoke 9pm Mike Madden & Farzad Azad, 7pm

Urban has more than 20 years of experience in the “gonstead” art form, the gold standard in traditional full-spine adjusting. Urban is now offering Whole Foods Market free thermography health scans of the spine. Thermography reads temperatures along the spine that can indicate pain, trauma, imbalance or other potential hidden health problems and only takes seconds. First-come, first-served. Free. 12:303:30pm. Whole Foods Market, Maui Mall (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310 Ext. 120 HOLISTIC HERBS WITH DEBORAH - Join us for a new series of the power of Nature to heal with Debbie Maghen L.Ac., Dipl. Ac. Each month Debbie will focus on a holistic approach to creating abundant wellness. This month: Herbal First Aid. Nature’s bounty is a wealth of medical plants that we can easily incorporate into our lives to treat minor ailments. This class will cover what herbs to have on hand to treat most common injuries and health problems people encounter on a regular basis. Free. 6pm Whole Foods Market Kahului (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310 x120

WEDNESDAY, MAR 12 SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back.

Meet at South Maui Bicycles shop shortly before 7am. Road bikes recommended. Free. Every Wednesday. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; southmauibicycles.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR’S GRAMMY AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Every Wednesday experience the music of the masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artist, featuring an award winning artist every week. $37-$79. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; slackkeyshow.com

MON- Mike & Farzad, TUE-Cole Sulenta, WED-Fulton Tashombe

FARMERS MARKET, ART/CRAFT FAIRS FARMERS MARKET OF MAUI, HONOKOWAI - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Lots of fresh local produce plus baked and canned goods. 7-11am Farmers Market Maui & Deli, (3636 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Kahana); 808-669-7004 FARMERS MARKET OF MAUI, KIHEI - MonFri. Sample the goods at this local market for fresh produce. On Fridays, open until 5pm. 8am4pm Farmers Market of Maui, (61 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-0949 MAKAWAO FARMERS MARKET - Every Wed. Fresh produce. Everything sold is Maui Grown, non-GMO and organic. 9am-2pm Po‘okela Church, (200 Olinda Rd., Makawao); 808-419-1570 FARMERS MARKET IN PAIA - Daily. Island grown fruit smoothies, coconut water and fresh juices. Organically grown Maui fruits and veggies. Produce Boxes available. Support your local farmers at One Love market at the Historic Paia Train Station. 10am-6pm One Love Market, (381 Baldwin Ave, Paia); 808-280-9019; onelovemarket.com ONO ORGANIC FARMS - Daily (except Sat).

A family-owned and operated, certified organic coffee and tropical fruit farm. 10:30am-6pm Ono Organic Farms, (149 Hana Hwy.) KULA COUNTRY FARMS - Daily (except Mon).

Kula Country Farm stand offers fruits and vegetables that are only locally grown and harvested fresh then stocked on the shelves daily. Open T-Th 11am to 5pm. 11am-4pm Kula Country Farms, (Kula Highway at Kekaulike Avenue, Kula)

MARCH 6, 2014 23

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WE LIKE YOU TOO! facebook.com/mauitime SUNSET HAPPY HOUR BAR TOP ONLY 4PM-7PM MON-FRI

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MARCH TROPICAL DRINK SPECIAL! BAHAMA MAMA - $5 MAUI

MONDAY

EVAN SHULMAN

TUESDAY

LIVE MUSIC

(M - F)

5:30PM-8:30PM WEDNESDAY

KENNY ROBERTS

FRIDAY

EVAN SHULMAN

THURSDAY

BURN’N LOVE WITH DARREN LEE AS ELVIS! BURN’N LOVE WITH DARREN LEE AS ELVIS! 900 FRONT ST. B7 | LAHAINA, HI | 808-667-7400 LOCATED IN THE OUTLETS OF MAUI (FORMERLY LAHAINA CENTER)

GET SHAMROCKED THIS ST. PATRICK’S WEEKEND WITH

MARTY DREAD 10PM-1AM ROCK PARTY • $10 COVER • GREEN BEER

SATURDAY, MARCH 15TH

24 MARCH 6, 2014

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KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Kawika’s Krew

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

Jarod or Maui Blues & Co 7pm; no cover

MON - John Ness or The Vamp TUE - Kihei Cowboys WED - Country Herb & Side Effects, 7pm

1810’, 6:30-8:30pm

Sam Ahia’s Jazz Trio, 8pm

1810’, 8-10pm

Danyel Alana, 6-8pm

MON - Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm, TUE + WED - Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON-Trivia 7-9pm, TUE- Mardi Gras Fat Tuesday Event

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MAUI BEACH HOTEL 1 70 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului - 877-0051

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OPEN MARKET - Every Wed. Hale Ku‘ai Open Market features fresh fruit and vegetables open to the public on Wednesday from 11am to 2pm.

Available for pre-orders pick up on Wednesday call 984-2156 or email lanakilahalekuai@gmail. com. Free. 11am-2pm Open market, (1977 Main St., Wailuku); 808-984-2156 HANA FRESH FARMER’S MARKET - Every Thu. 11am-3pm Hana Fresh, (4590 Hana Hwy) FARMERS MARKET UHMC - Every Mon & Thu. Enjoy fresh sustainably grown produce including tomatoes, lettuce, eggplant, squash, kale, beets, radish, herbs, Asian greens, daikon, chard, flowers and more. Grown on campus by Agriculture and Natural Resource students. 12-1:30pm University of Hawaii Maui College, (310 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3500; maui.hawaii.edu MAUI SWAP MEET - Every Sat. From camo hunting gear and koa carvings to vintage aloha postcards and delicate, locally-crafted jewelry, produce market, this place pretty much has it all.

50 cents admission. 7am-1pm Maui Community College, (310 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808244-3100; mauiexposition.com UPCOUNTRY FARMER’S MARKET - Every Sat. Find the best veggies, fruits, flowers and plants, Maui farmers have to offer. Plus, extra goodies like jams and jellies. 7-11am Kulamalu Town Center (near Longs Drugs), 808-283-3257; upcountryfarmersmarket.org; upcountryfarmersmarket@gmail.com LIPOA STREET FARMER’S MARKET - Every Sat. Fresh produce from Maui’s farms, and handmade products. Great fruits and veggies. 8am12pm South Maui Center, (95 Lipoa St., Kihei) LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR Every Sun & Sat. You will discover some of Maui’s most talented fine artists exhibiting at an amazing fair under the Banyan Tree next to the historic Old Lahaina Courthouse. Come join us for live music and check out our paintings, ceramics, photography, glass art, wood carvings, jewelry, baskets and more! Art fair and galleries are open 9 am 5pm. Banyan Tree Park, (649 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-9175; visitlahaina.com ARTISAN FAIR - Mondays. Come to shop, stay to dine. Local made on Maui Artists showcasing and selling artwork, photography, jewelry, acces-

Karaoke

Karaoke

Sounds of Addiction, 10:30pm

Stoplight Party,10:00pm

Rock Thursdays & Pool Tournament 8pm-close

Latin Friday’s w/ DJ Danny & DJ Moy, 10pm no cover

Ignite Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & Kamikaze, 10pm

no

info

at

press

time

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

Murray Thorne 5:30-6:30pm, Willie K 7-9pm, Trish da Dish, 9:30-midnight

Stay Eazy 6:30-8:30pm, DJ Mike 9-11:30pm

Soul Kitchen 7-9pm, Craig Gass 9pm

The Celtic Tigers, 6:309:30pm

MON - Joyce and Gord, 6:30-8:30 TUE - Brenton Keith & His Bag of Tricks 6:30-8:00, WED -Murray Thorne 5:30-6:30, Willie K, 7-9pm

sories, clothing, massage and wellness. Cash bar and complimentary valet. Free entry. 5-10pm Longhi’s Lahaina, (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808667-2288; longhis.com FEED MY SHEEP PRODUCE KAHULUI - Every Sat. FMS Produce is a mobile produce market that sells fresh Upcountry Produce to benefit Feed My Sheep and the hungry on Maui. Those who financially qualify will be able to buy the produce at a 75 percent discount and SNAP (food stamps) will be accepted. Free. 9:30am-12pm Christ the King Church, (Corner of Wakea Ave. and Pu‘unene Ave., Kahului); feedmysheepmaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:3010pm; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Thu, Classic Rock 4-10pm; Every Tue & Sat, Easy Listening 4-10pm; Sun, Classic Rock 4-10pm; Mon, Jazz Rock 4-10pm; Every Wed & Fri, Rock & Roll 4-10pm. (811 Front St., Lahaina ); 808-661-4855.

COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:30-10pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:30-10pm; Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:3010pm. (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Wed, Kalapana 3-5pm; Wed, Kaniela Q & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Fri, Damon and Tim 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Every Sun & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Mon, Keali‘i Lum 3-5pm; Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Every Wed & Sat, Danyell 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Thu, Randall Rospond 6:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Mon, Rick G 6:30-9:30pm; Fri, The House Shakers 6:30pm; Mon, Alapa Drive: Full Rock Band 6:30-9:30pm; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Oyster Hour 5-6pm.

(744 Front St, Lahaina); 808-669-6425.

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED - Karaoke

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-9pm, no cover MON- S.I.N. 10pm, TUE-Trivia Night 8pm, WED-Karaoke 10pm

HARD ROCK CAFE - Mon, Evan Shulman 5:308:30pm; Fri, Evan Shulman 5:30-8:30pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400.

HULA GRILL - Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a, Kamuela & Roy Kato 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Damon Parillo, Ron Heeton and Keali’i Parillo 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho, Roy Kato & Mark D’Antonio 6:30pm; Sat, Damon Parillo 1:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana, Derick Sebastian and Roy Kato 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian, Ryan Tanaka and John Kahaiali’i 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm; Tue, Damon Parillo & Roy Kato 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-667-6636.

JAPENGO AT THE HYATT REGENCY - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, MandoKane 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukauta 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Pam Peterson 6:30-8:30pm.

(200 Nohea Kai Drive, Lahaina); 808-661-1234.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Fri, Mel Arausa 7-10pm; Sun, Mike Madden 7-10pm; Mon, Farzad Azad 7-10pm; Tue, Cole Suletna 7-10pm; Wed, Tracy Stiles 7-10pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Honokowai); 808-667-0787.

KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm; Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:309:30pm. (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700.

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Tue, Open Mic.; Mon, Trivia 7-9pm. (843 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry

3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret & Josh 3-5pm. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA‘ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-1200.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Rock Thursday 6-9pm; Wed, Island Jams with Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm; Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808-669-6400.

OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.

PARADISE GRILL - Fri, Kaliko’s Way 6-9pm; Sat, Justin 6-9pm; Sun, Deeson 6-9pm; Thu, Harry Troup E 6-9pm. (2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700.

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm; Fri, Danyel Alana 6-9pm; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm; Thu, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.

SOMETHING MISSING? SEND CALENDAR INFO TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

MARCH 6, 2014 25

MARCH 7 GOING AWAY PARTY...

MARCH 8TH • DJ @ 9PM

$ WASHINGTON

5 APPLE SHOTS

WILLIE K’S WAREHOUSE BLUES BAND 9PM • $10

MARCH 8 EKOLU TRIO DINNER SHOW

MARCH 14 JOHN CRUZ DINNER SHOW

MARCH 21 ...FOR RACHBUTAEL THE BEST!

WE WISH HER NOTHING WE WILL MISS HER!

PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE AND SAM ITES DINNER SHOW

F O L L O W US!

THURSDAY THURSDAY NIGHT

3/6

BLUES U S WITH

MARK JOHNSTONE & JU JJUSTIN STIN FAVELL

6:30AM-8:30PM • NO COVER

FRIDAY

3/7

DJ KAMIKAZE & DJJ BIG MIKE M

10PM • $10 COVER

SATURDAY

3/8

ELECTRO SWING & BALKAN N BEATS

WITH DUNKELBUNT

SPECIAL GUESTS PAUL GOTEL & BOOGIEMEISTER 9:30PM • $15 COVER

SUNDAY

BREAKFAST SERVED AT 7AM DON’T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!

MONDAY

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM

3/9

3/10

7PM-10PM • no COVER

TUESDAY

3/11

HOWARD AHIA & FRIENDS

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

WEDNESDAY JAMIE GALLO’S SINGER &

3/12 122

SONGWRITER S NG SO NGWR WRITER ER SHOWCASE SSHO HOWC WCAS A

6:30PM-9:30PM • NO COVER

OPEN 11AM - 1:30AM 1279 S. KIHEI RD. • 874.9299

SOLO ARTISTS,

BANDS & DJ’S

WE NEED YOUR PRESS PHOTO PLEASE EMAIL YOUR HIGH RESOLUTUTION PHOTO OR TWO TO:

calendar@mauitime.com

26 MARCH 6, 2014

TheGRID

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FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/6

3/7

3/8

3/9

3/10-3/12

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

RITA’S 1945 S.Kihei Rd. 214-5788

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

Shea & Eddie Nuno, 7-10pm

Maui Blues Band, 7-10pm

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

DJ Blast 10pm

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

Karaoke, 7-10pm

MON- WED Victoria/String Guitar 6-8:30pm

DJ LX 10pm; no cover

Kanoa 10pm; no cover

MON - DJ Big Mike / TUE - DJ Salvo / WED - New La80’s Night w/ DJ Decka (all sets 10pm)

UFC

FREE Pool

MON- Bingo Night 7-9pm , TUE- Pau Hana Pool League, WED- Free Pool

Andy Kaina & Kountry Band, 8:30pm, no cover

Kekona Ohana, 8:30pm no cover

Kanekoa Acoustic Trio, 5pm no cover

Uncle Willie K & The Warehouse Blues Band, 9pm

Ekolu Trio, 7pm

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Simply Twisted w/Jamie Gallo, 9pm, $4 cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Jazz Night w/Louise & Friends, no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON-WED- Karaoke

GOGO Dancing

Free Karaoke

Alternative Night w/ DJ

Free Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED- Free Karaoke

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

Pub Trivia, 8pm no cover

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

John Grover Band, 7-10pm

WED- Blues Night w/House Shakers 8:30pm, no cover

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 6-9pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.

GANNON’S A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm; Fri, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm. (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Mon, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm; Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808-879-7177.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-669-8889.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Dominic 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010.

RITA’S - Sat, Blues with Louise Lambert and Kenny Geiser 6:30-9:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-214-5788.

RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Mon, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Napili); 808-669-1500.

SHERATON MAUI RESORT AND SPA - Daily, Live Dinner Music at The Cliff Dive Bar 6:308:30pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-6610031.

THE CLIFF DIVE BAR - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:308pm; Sat, Larry Golis & Hollis Lee 6:30-8pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-8025.

UMALU - Sun, Kawika Ortiz 6-8pm; Mon, Kawika LumHo 6-8pm; Tue, Craig Soderberg 6-8pm; Wed, Kawika Ortiz 5-9:30pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Lahaina); 808-661-1234.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Mon, Kanoa and Jessica Rabbitt 7pm; Thu, Special Guest 7:30pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm. (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone with Marcus Johnson 7-10pm; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm.

(555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299.

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Sun, Sebrina Barron 6pm; Sat, Jordan T. 7pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669.

JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Pi‘ikea Ave., Kihei); 808-875-9464.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Fri, Glen Kakugawa 6-9:30pm; Sat, Deason Baybayan 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm. (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888.

MAUI COAST HOTEL - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike and Mark 6-9pm; Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.

(2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6284.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret & Wilson 7-9pm; Thu, Tom Cherry 4-6pm; Thu, Tom & Mark 7-9pm; Fri, Wolf 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Alika 7-9pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 4-6pm; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Tarvin Makia 7-9pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm; Wed, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808-891-2322.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Wed, Willie K. 7-9pm; Thu, Murray Thorne sets Mulligans afire 7pm; Thu, Super Fun Pub Quiz with Trish 9:30pm; Fri, Stay Eazy 7-9pm; Sat, Soul Kitchen 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:309:30pm; Mon, The Makai Jazz Group 7-9pm; Tue, Brenton Keith’s Mulligan’s Magic Show 6:30-8pm; Wed, Joel Katz 5:30-6:30pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm; Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Sat, Vince Esquire & Kaulana 4-6pm; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; Mon, Clay Mortensen 4-6pm; Tue, Kimo 4-6pm; Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Thu, Rama Camarillo 6:308:30pm; Fri, Ellis Ayres 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Reggae w/ Ras Shaggai 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Artie Parti 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 6:30-8:30pm.

(2395 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-2910.

CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON Thu, Prime Rib Thursday Night Blues with Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm; Tue, Howard Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Evan Dove & Friends 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085.

DAZOO RESTAURANT - Tue, Richard Dancil Hawaiian Music 6-8pm; Thu, Miss Meaghan Owens 6:30-8:30pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-9999.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - Thu, Randall Rospond 5:30-8pm; Mon, Wes Furumoto 6-9pm.

(89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Thu, Rick 6-9pm; Fri, Steve Sargenti and Swiss 6-9pm; Sat, Tradewinds 6-9pm; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm; Wed, Betz and Adam with Vince Esquire 6:309pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Fri, Louise Lambert Jazz Trio 7:30-10:30pm; Wed, Blues with the House Shakers 8:30-10:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:30-9:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Every Tue & Thu, Piilani Arias 5-8pm; Fri, Local Live Music 5-9pm; Sat, Ben Deleon 5-9pm; Sun, Live Music 5-8pm; Mon, Ben Deleon 5-8pm; Wed, Sheron Depont 5-8pm. (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001.

WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Live Music 4-6pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-495-0259.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:308:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323.

MARCH 6, 2014 27

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by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Those who live in candy houses shouldn’t tease fat people. From my vantage point you’re perched in a gingerbread tower snidely throwing hard candies at a horde of insatiable gluttons. Are you crazy?

Chumming the waters just before you jump in is probably not the best idea, and since these sharks have the power to drag you in against your will, it’s an especially bad call. Quit before it’s too late, Pisces. It’s still possible to preserve the rock candy heart of your edible abode, even if the chocolaty outer walls get devoured. Use that marvelous tact you’re so renowned for and quit antagonizing the specific people who have the most potential and desire to take you down.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

If you were a cow, you’d have four stomachs—and each one would be packed with partially digested vegetation.

You couldn’t possibly eat another bite of even something as innocuous as a mouthful of grass. Don’t put anything else on your plate, or common sense-forbid, your mouth, this week. Why risk screwing up everything just to accomplish one more measly task? Relax. Just sit back, chew your cud and digest what you’ve already taken on. If you dare thwart my helpful advice you won’t just make yourself sick; you’ll explode. Really.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Although many traditional wineries still stopper their bottles with actual cork, many employ more modern plastic plugs. Taureans, as steadfast sensualists, tend to prefer the old-fashioned, classier corks.

Winemaking should be an art, not a science—with mishaps and surprises and imperfections. A similar, much less intoxicating but much more relevant debate is happening in your life. Stick to your guns, for all our sakes. Most people would prefer the loveinfused imperfection you’d advocate over the cold (if scientifically accurate) version you’re up against.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Unless interstellar travel becomes convenient in a way that contradicts current laws of physics, the only meaningful or profitable trade between interplanetary cultures would be an exchange of ideas. Ideas and information are already as valuable as concrete goods in many situations—and will someday make traditional coinage obsolete. I mention all this because a prophetic example of this very situation is likely to play out in your near future. No one wants to buy your stuff—it’s what’s in your head and heart that has high market value. Therefore, since your thoughts are your best currency, be careful how you spend them.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

Lakes of fire wouldn’t prevent you from rescuing someone you loved. I believe that; unfortunately you might have to actually prove it this week, as grueling tests of your constancy may lie ahead. Just remember, Cancer: Sometimes people screw up. Sometimes bad shit looks worse than it is. You believe that some of these criminals—karmic or real-life—only need love.

I agree; somebody ought to love them—and that somebody is you. Ready your ice kayak and your burn cream. The flaming reservoir awaits.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Imagine you fell in love with someone who was nearly eight feet tall. You’d intimately share the trials your 7’7” lover had to endure living in a world made for shorter people. You’d empathetically stoop when walking through doorways, cringe while cramming into cars, and stoically ignore people’s insensitive stares and rude comments. I can’t imagine you shrinking from such a challenge. When faced with a similar (if perhaps less obvious) trial, exercise your world-famous loyalty. I’ve bet all that your steadfastness will prove superior to whatever tests it must endure. Prove me right, please.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Toss your keys into the bucket as you enter the swinger’s party. At the end, each wife will select a

set and go home with someone else’s husband.

Sounds like a probable nightmare, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, it’s uncomfortably similar to what you might experience this week. Since you’re likely to have at least a moment or three of intimacy with someone you’d never expect to, try to remember that it’s probably as embarrassing and traumatic (and secretly titillating) for them as it is for you. That should help a little, along with the knowledge that it’ll be over and nearly forgotten very soon. Oh, and wear clean underwear. That’ll help too.

QUIZ understood

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: D–All of the above 2: B–736 3: C–Marriott

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

You believe that things you ingest have almost limitless power to improve your life, from Prozac and vitamins to antibiotics and Viagra. Whatever emotional problems you’re having don’t necessarily come from within. Astrological indications suggest that some of them could have their sources in something that’s as common and deviously potent as sugar (hell, it might even be sugar; the stuff is evil). More than anything I want you to free yourself from the yoke of outside emotional oppression. The first step comes this week: figuring out exactly what that yoke is.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Your confidence is badly shaken. Here’s why: over the last few months your usual talent for combining the ridiculous and the sublime has gone severely awry. But just because the recent surprises you’d planned turned out, in retrospect, to be horribly useless and fell depressingly flat instead of evoking the laughs you intended doesn’t mean you’ve forever lost your droll touch. Some of the astrological impediments to your successful combination of dour and delightful have been removed, and this week you should be able to make people laugh and think at the same time, finally. Have faith in your unique ability’s belated return, and use it.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Millions of activists worldwide are probably wishing certain national leaders were more like Cincinnatus of ancient Rome. When the Senate asked him to save them from a lengthy siege, he reluctantly left his farm and led the Roman army to victory. Immediately afterwards, he shed the power they’d forced upon him and returned to his plow. Sometimes violence is required—but restraint and disinclination towards it are always good qualities. Most Pisces would never be guilty of such a sin, but certain of your closest companions have seized the reins of power. Gently encourage them to finally let them go.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Paranoia, to some degree, is understandable, given the state of the world today. But don’t let it get so out of hand that you become obsessed (or driven, as only a Cap can) with one idea, like building a makeshift bomb shelter in your basement, or plotting a move to New Zealand. As Saturn’s unruly children, you’ve suffered enough. Don’t compound your misery with unnecessary concerns. The universe has always been hard on you—because you need that pounding to become the forces to be reckoned with that you are. But this week you’re being rewarded with a long overdue break. I hope you stop beating yourself up long enough to notice it.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Chita Rivera rocks. Your fellow Aquarian, who’s enjoyed more than five decades of Broadway fame, is still so sexy and athletic at 81 she’s the envy of women (and gay men) twenty or forty years younger than she is. Only Aquarians and Capricorns (who age backwards) can hope to merit adjectives like alluring and agile into their old age. So you’d better stop bitching and moaning about what are, in general, minor flaws. Take your cue from Chita. You’ve barely tapped your potential. You’ve got decades to go, and the way it looks from here, you still haven’t hit your peak.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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