17.10 The Fun Of Local Food, August 22, 2013, Volume 17, Issue 10, MauiTime

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The summer tourist season on Maui is coming to an end... September is the perfect time to get local residents back into Maui restaurants. Our Taste of Maui Issue is your best opportunity to tell Maui Time readers all about your September Kama'aina specials.

Just offer a half off special for an entree item at least one day per week, and you qualify for special half price advertising rates and a FREE listing in this special edition.

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Contents VOLUME 17

ON THE COVER: August 22, 2013 ✚ Volume 17 ✚ Issue 10 ✚ FREE

THE Fun Of Local

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter PRISM

Contributors: Jenn Brown, Toni Colombo (Poopsie), Caeriel Crestin, Sarah Gerlach (Portagee Watersausage), Lauren Hecker, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Rebecca Nakashima, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II

WORLDS

PLUS

PG.5

AND GIVES

BEST PG.13

YOU'RE NEXT

FILM REVIEW

PG.19

Walter Evonok of Evonok Farms Photo by Steve Brinkman Design by Darris Hurst UH PROFESSOR RICHARD ZEEBE SAYS CLIMATE CHANGE IS MORE SEVERE THAN WE THOUGHT. BUT WHAT WILL THIS MEAN FOR HAWAII? AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE?

4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY DINING THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Stain Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Whitey Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Bush Proofreader: Dina Wilson

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2013 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year.

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TAGUMAWATCH

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Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Rick James

HOW EVENTS LIKE KA‘ANAPALI FRESH HELP STIMULATE

MAUI’S GROWING AGRITOURISM INDUSTRY

MAI TAI

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter

Food

GIVES

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Blondi

August 15, 2013 ✚ Volume 17 ✚ Issue 09 ✚ FREE

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What should President Obama have named his new dog?

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ISSUE 10

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Reader Feedback

HOT TOPIC [Ed. note: the following letters are in response to our Aug. 15, 2013 cover story “UH Professor Richard Zeebe Says Climate Change Is More Severe Than We Thought”] Thank you for a good, mostly heartfelt article on climate change. You obviously know we must do something. But then, I don’t know why Maui Time Weekly bothers with these and past Rob Parsons articles on climate change, environmental destruction, etc… only to be followed up by the photos in your ads about the leading cause of our environmental problems.

The abusive and dirty animal industry and the transportation of those animals are killing the planet. Dead pigs, chickens, fish, cows and alcohol are what you are about.

Keeping the population unhealthy, drunk and not using their brains and they’ll spend less time thinking and spend more money on healthcare and hospitals. MauiTime

Weekly is no different than Exxon/Mobil, BP, McDonald’s, Monsanto and Fatburger.

You’re all there to make a living at the cost of the planet. By the way, thanks for the great reporting on Fatburger’s anniversary a few weeks ago. That was “really” important. A more important space filler than, let’s say, clean water for us to drink. Oh, I forgot they pay for ads, too.

I’m not a scientist and I can’t prove to you that this climate change is all manmade, but, I will say that no matter what the realities of climate change are, we owe it to our kids and future generations to take care of the planet. The waste and excretions from animals agriculture is killing our natural resources. In the meantime, MauiTime Weekly keeps supporting everything that causes environmental harm. I hope you can sleep well.

You’re also part of the Association of Alternative News Media and Alternative Weekly Network. What a joke. There was a time when there were real alternative newsweeklies that reported things important to people. You are not that.

-Carlos Garcia, via email Thanks for the climate change cover story. Just wanted to point out that over half of all petroleum used in the USA is used to produce animal based foods for human consumption. If we all became vegans the global warming issue would be cut in half. We need to realize that our personal choices make huge differences. Furthermore, over 100,000 animals are killed every minute of every day. That’s a lot of dead animals!

-George Chyz, via email

Send your feedback to editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime.

We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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News & Views

QUIZunderstood 2. Earlier this week the Honolulu StarAdvertiser reported on the possibility of the Hawaii State Legislature going back into “special session” to vote on a bill legalizing gay marriage. According to the story, how did Governor Neil Abercrombie rate the odds of the special session actually taking place?

A. “Guaranteed” B. “Very likely” C. “Somewhat likely” D. “Doubtful, but possible” E. “You’re kidding, right?”

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3.

PHOTO BY BEN ALMAN- FLICKR.COM

1.

On Aug. 16, Pacific Business News reported that the Sea Princess, the first foreign-flagged cruise ship of the season, had docked in Honolulu. According to the story, how many tourists did the Hawaii Tourism Authority estimate the cruise ship industry would bring to the state this season?

A. 104,732 B. 189,323 C. 253,199 D. 292,079 E. 327,571

On Aug. 15, the Maui County Council’s Budget and Finance Committee unanimously approved two resolutions dealing with mandatory pay hikes to Maui Police Officers, according to the Aug. 16 Maui News. Over the next four years, how much will the pay and benefit hikes cost the County of Maui?

A. $17.3 million B. $22.4 million C. $31.2 million D. $42.8 million E. Nothing

See answers, page 29

4

AUGUST 22, 2013

By Anthony Pignataro

News & Views

Coconut Wireless

The Marriott in Ka‘anapali

lost her job because of the conversion.

The committee ended up deferring the bill (councilmembers like Cochran and Mike Victorino said that timeshares, problematic as they might be, do offer “stability” for those who do work for them) which means it’s off the proverbial table for the time being, but Planning Committee Chairman Couch says his plan is for the issue to return for discussion in the near future.

“Before the deferral, I made clear that my committee may not be the right vehicle to tackle the job, but I’m willing to take on the discussion with other standing committees,” Couch wrote in his blog post. “It will take some time. My projection is to have a clearer direction perhaps sometime next year. It is very important to get public input, statistics, and legal guidance.”

-Guy at Pearl Harbor Memorial, Aug. 18*

ian Commercial & Sugar, which burns all that sugar cane that’s growing over 37,000 or so Central Maui acres and then converts it into sugar, which we Americans then convert into things like “heart disease” and “diabetes.” Hey, it’s a living: on Aug. 17 The Maui News reported that A&B reported a $8.3 million operating profit in the second quarter of this year (the company got even more good news from the paper the next day in the form of a big story on A&B's proposed 103-unit ‘Aina O Kane condo project in Kahului).

Anyway, earlier this month A&B gave the county $20,000 to help it fund a senior nutrition program.

“The $20,000 grant will help Kaunoa’s Congregate Nutrition Program provide nutritious meals for seniors at several satellite centers located throughout the County, as well as support special activities and events for people age 60 and over,” stated the County of Maui’s Aug. 14 press release announcing the donation.

“A&B has made financial contributions to senior services for over 35 years.”

Though to be fair, senior services isn’t the only entity in the county that benefits from A&B’s largess. In fact, the public officials who deal with A&B on a regular basis have long benefited from the company's generosity.

Since 2012, Hawaii state Campaign Spending Commission records show that A&B’s Hawaii political action committee (HIPAC) has given at least $46,700 to a wide variety of officials across Hawaii, including Mayor Arakawa and current and former Maui County Councilmembers Gladys Baisa, Bob Carroll, Couch, Hokama, Don Guzman, Danny Mateo, Joe Pontanilla and Victorino. The Center for Responsive Politics (CRP) reports that the same PAC has also given $42,600 to various federal candidates and other PACs since 2012. Further, CRP data indicates that in that time period A&B employees have themselves donated another $37,198 to federal candidates and PACS. After all, what’s $20,000 among friends? ■

*Special Honolulu edition

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

At long last, the Maui County Council’s Policy and Intergovernmental Affairs (PIA) Committee (which has the same members as the council itself) has taken another step on the long road known as the Great Investigation of the Demolition of Old Wailuku Post Office, according to an Aug. 15 story in The Maui News. Upcountry kids are having to grow up as their beloved playground equipment at Giggle Hill rots behind a metal fence with no end in sight, but it totally makes sense that council members would want to find out what, exactly, Mayor Alan Arakawa’s administration was thinking when it demolished an old building that had been closed for many years that everyone on the council wanted gone.

It’s also nice to see that the PIA Committee members’ love of irony is still healthy. As we showed in our June 27 story “Is The Maui County Council Nuts?,” officials with the administration discussed their plans to demol-

Planning Committee (like the PIA committee, it’s just made up of the Maui County Councilmembers) took up a bill that would prohibit future timeshares on Maui.

Granted, the bill only dealt with new timeshares–those already in existence would be given a pass. But the bill would make clear that new visitor accommodations built in the county would definitely be of the hotel nature.

“We need hotel rooms, not time share units,” Councilman Riki Hokama said at the hearing, according to an Aug. 17 post from Councilmember Don Couch on the Maui County Council blog (yes, there is such a thing). “We need hotel rooms. It is time we take a look at this issue since we are updating community plans.”

Hokama wasn’t alone in showing disdain for timeshares, which differ from hotels by typically employing far fewer people and sending far fewer visitors to nearby restaurants. According to Couch’s blog post, Councilmember Mike White (who is also the GM of the Ka‘anapali Beach Hotel and thus slightly biased on the issue) noted that when the Marriott in

PHOTO BY INTIAZ RAHIM - FLICKR.COM

SECRET WAILUKU POST OFFICE INVESTIGATION MEETING!

A&B GIVES. AND GIVES. AND GIVES...

Who will audit this?

ish the old post office in public hearings on multiple occasions over the course of a couple years, whereas the Maui County Council members who make up the PIA committee chose to meet for over an hour in secret Executive Session to discuss their “strategy,” according to member Don Couch in the Aug. 15 Maui News story. After an hour-long closed session, the committee made all of its decisions on the matter in a public hearing that last 10 minutes.

What’s more, the committee decided (very prudently, I imagine) that rather than add the the County’s Corporation Counsel to the investigation list, it’s better to just exempt them from the whole thing so the committee (and council) can continue to get legal advice from them. In any case, the committee voted to ask newly minuted County Auditor Lance Taguchi to look into the thing.

Which, to be honest, is exactly what he should be doing anyway.

ARE TIMESHARES ON MAUI OUT OF TIME? Not sure if you noticed this, but on Thursday, Aug. 15, the Maui County Council

Ka‘anapali switched to a timeshare, “there were jobs lost from banquet staff, the luau was eliminated, retail services were eliminated and the convention business was hurt.”

Councilmember Elle Cochran, who was apparently working at the Marriott when the changeover occurred, said that she’d

Given the last few years of general reductions in public services provided by all types of government in the face of ever-increasing debt (caused to a great extent by public employee pensions and benefits), I wasn’t at all surprised to read that one key social service in Maui County receives a great deal of its funding from a corporation. A very powerful corporation, in fact, named Alexander & Baldwin.

Yes, the same A&B that owns Hawai-

Overheard “They take you out to that sunken ship. You know, the one everyone comes here to see.”

For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

AUGUST 22, 2013

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By Rebecca Nakashima

News & Views

MauiSphere books, Lean On and Lead breaks away from the extreme stories of success or failure to focus on the real, everyday struggles of the families in the middle of the spectrum. It’s ultimately a collection of first-hand accounts detailing the lives of parents (mostly mothers) who’ve faced barriers universal to every family.

“With women there is a solidarity down through the socio-economic spectrum,” says Hodges. “Women want to lift each other up. Because even women who have been very successful have to deal with the same issues that women who have lower income jobs have. Women who are wealthy have the same concerns about their kids, and they want the same things.”

The iBook platform that Hodges is using to publish her book allows for a rich

IT'S BEEN WEEKS SINCE THE MAUI NEWS PUT UP THEIR ONLINE PAYWALL elevate the conversation, to get people talking and begin finding solutions. This could entail new laws, but can also consist of breaking through stigmas and stereotypes blocking the ways of advancement. There’s a lot that can be done by our government to make parenting and providing an easier, more doable mix, Hodges says. Yet, a lot of change can take effect from individual efforts as well.

Lean On and Lead will be available for purchase on the iBookstore around Thanksgiving. You can find more info at Leanonandlead.com.

JAPANESE CULTURAL SOCIETY OF MAUI AWARDS SCHOLARSHIPS The Japanese Cultural Society of Maui has awarded their annual $1,000

'Lean on and Lead' book cover

LOCAL AUTHOR WRITES NEW E-BOOK ON 21ST CENTURY MOTHERS

U.S. Senator Brian Schatz, D-Hawaii, and his office are launching a new internship program for high school seniors for the 2013-14 school year. In this first year of the program, they are looking for 15 interns who have a GPA of 2.0 or higher and have access to email throughout the course of the internship. “Schatz Seniors” can hail from any island and can come from public, private, home-school or charter schools.

Interns will work in Hawaii at the Honolulu office or with neighbor island staff.

“Through this program, we hope to provide a hands-on learning opportunities about the U.S. Senate, spark a dialogue between myself and students about their concerns, and encourage students to be leaders and advocates in their schools and communities,” said Schatz in an Aug. 15 press release. “I am looking forward to kicking off this program, and hope that it will continue for years to come. By collaborating with the younger generation of Hawai‘i students, we can all work to build a better future for our state.”

In the program, interns will work with outreach staff on community visits, observe their schools and communicate to identify issues of interest and attend other special events.

Applicants will be considered based off their community involvement, diversity of life experiences and their potential for leadership. Prior knowledge of U.S. Senate or national policy making is not required.

High school seniors can begin applying for the internship program on Aug. 15. For more information or to apply, call Kim Yoshimoto, at 808-523-2093 or email her at Kim_Yoshimoto@schatz.senate.gov. ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

Stacie Cuadro

experience that transcends mere reading. In addition to the stories and first-hand accounts, there will be widgets that provide supplementary material through statistics, videos, audio, infographics and links. And because it’s an e-book, Hodges can add updates on new legislation as it passes and can even interact with readers to a certain extent. In fact, purchasing the book will more resemble subscribing to a blog than paging through a novel.

“I could see this book being this living, breathing, constantly-changing creature for quite a while,” says Hodges. “And it’s always going to be relevant. It’s a while that you’re invested in your kids.”

The ultimate purpose of this project is to

scholarships to Baldwin High graduate Stacie Cuadro and King Kekaulike High graduate Anna Gragas. Cuadro helped with Japanese student exchange programs, performed in various festivals and is planning to attend Linfield College in Oregon and major in history or political science and minor in Japanese. Gragas studied taiko for nine years, participated in an exchange program and will attend Chapman University in Southern California.

The scholarships are presented every year to graduating high school students who are continuing on to college and have been involved in Japanese cultural events, clubs or projects and plan to continue to preserve Japanese culture as they further their education.

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

“It’s so stressful!”

That was Haiku resident Shay Chan Hodges’ reaction to the delicate balance many 21st century women are trying to find between career and family. In her new project, Lean On and Lead, Hodges explores this social and economic struggle through first-hand accounts of working parents. The name is inspired by the reality that in order for a woman to lead well–which has become economically necessary–she needs a supportive family, a good work infrastructure and a solid education system to lean on. But in reality, too many women are finding that a lot of these things aren’t available.

At its core, the book is inspired by the “vicious cycle” Hodges and her husband struggled through to raise their two sons while working enough to pay the bills and staying active in their community (for a few years Hodges owned the little children’s bookstore in Makawao). According her book website, 70 percent of mothers work outside the home, and in 40 percent of households in the U.S. the mother is the primary breadwinner. So many women are playing large roles economically while also, because of cultural reasons, being in charge of the family.

This, Hodges says, traps women in a sort of catch-22, since it’s nearly impossible to raise your kid at the same time you’re working enough to support them.

Hodges says this current model is set up to fail because it’s based on a 1950’s model where the husband works a demanding job and the wife takes care of everything else. Today, that doesn’t work socially or economically.

Different from other sociological

SENATOR SCHATZ NEEDS INTERNS

Senator Schatz needs help

AUGUST 22, 2013

7

By Chuck Shepard

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News Of The Weird ROACH MOTEL At age 20, Kyle Kandilian of Dearborn, Mich., has created a start-up business to fund his college expenses, but it involves a roomful (in the family home) of nearly 200,000 cockroaches. The environmental science major at University of MichiganDearborn breeds species ranging from the familiar household pests, which he sells on the cheap as food for other people’s pets, to the more interesting, exotic Madagascar hissing roaches and rhino roaches, which can live for 10 to 15 years.

(Kandilian told the Detroit Free Press in July that of the 4,000 cockroach species, only about a dozen are pests.) Why not choose a more conventional “pet?” Because “[m]ammals smell,” he said.

CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE A 55-year-old woman in the Netherlands seemed to be experiencing orgasms emanating from her foot, she said, and Dr. Marcel Waldinger of Utrecht University (writing in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, online in June) produced a possible explanation. The applicable left foot nerve enters the spinal cord at about the same level as the vaginal nerve, Waldinger wrote, and the woman’s recent foot injury might have caused the nerves to cross. The woman reported “five or six” orgasms per day that felt exactly like “regular” orgasms and, she said, were making her feel terribly guilty and embarrassed. After treatment with a nerve anesthetic, she reported being orgasm-free (in the foot, at least) for eight months.

LUCKIEST KID EVER The intersection of West Gateway Boulevard and North Congress Avenue in Boynton Beach, Fla. (pop. 60,000), is nine lanes wide, busy even at 11pm on Sunday night, as it was at that time in July when a twoyear-old girl darted across, a combination of good fortune and sometimes-rare Florida driver alertness allowing her safe arrival on the other side without a scratch. “It’s a miracle,” said Harry Scott, who witnessed it. “I’m telling you the truth.” Mom Kayla Campbell, 26, was charged with felony neglect, as she appeared “oblivious,” said police, to the child’s absence from home.

LITIGATE, DON’T LIQUIDATE An unnamed restaurateur from Nagoya, Japan, has filed a lawsuit against an affiliate of the country’s largest organized crime syndicate, Yamaguchi-gumi, demanding a refund of “protection” money she had been paying for more than 12 years (in total, the equivalent of about $170,000).

The affiliate, Kodo-kai, burned down a bar in 2010, killing people, in a similar protection arrangement that went bad, and the plaintiff said she, too, was threatened with arson when she decided to stop pay-

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AUGUST 22, 2013

News & Views

ing. According to an expert on Japanese “yakuza,” a relative of one of the victims of the 2010 fire may also sue Kodo-kai.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT In June, following his guilty plea in Corpus Christi,Texas, to possession of child pornography, Jose Salazar, 70, offered to perform public service to reduce the 12-year sentence a federal judge had handed him. Salazar said he “had a lot to offer society,” according to an Associated Press story, and could be “useful” in mentoring children.

SCIENCE! At Atherstone, England’s, Twycross Zoo, a program is underway to try to teach quarter-ton giant tortoises to speed up. An extended outdoor pen had been built for Speedy (age 70), Tim, 40, and Shelly, 30, but that meant it took a longer time to round them up for bed at the end of the day. The Leicester Mercury reported in June that zoo officials were trying to use the lure of food to get the tortoises to significantly improve their way-under-1-mile-per-hour gait.

INEXPLICABLE Tina Marie Garrison, 37, and her son Junior Lee Dillon, 18, of Preston, Minn., were charged in June with stealing almost $5,000 worth of gopher feet from the freezer of a gopher trapper in Granger, Minn., and selling them for the local offered bounty of $3 per pair. Garrison, Dillon, and the victimized trapper were friends, and it was not clear why the thinly populated gopher-foot market would not have deterred Garrison and Dillon.

STRANGE OLD WORLD In July, the governor of Gorontalo province in Indonesia decreed that female secretaries should be replaced immediately with males. He was responding to a recent excessive spate of extramarital affairs by male bureaucrats with their female secretaries. (“[O]ld women who are no longer attractive” could also be hired, he said.)

PEOPLE WITH ISSUES Gerard Streator, 47, pleaded guilty in June in Waukesha, Wis., County Court to public lewdness and placed on probation after his arrest last year of going through the motions of intercourse with a discarded couch on a public street. An off-duty police officer thought initially that he had caught a couple, but on closer inspection, he realized Streator (who was aroused) was alone.

And the day before, in Ostersund, Sweden, a 35-year-old man was arrested after a surveillance camera revealed him to be the one who repeatedly punctured Per Edstrom’s bicycle’s tires and who that evening was seen sitting on the bicycle pleasuring himself. ■

YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE. Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

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epotism in my workplace sucks big time. You two are my bosses, and you think you’re smart, but you’re so dumb. You should shape up or ship out. I can’t wait to report you two to the labor board for discrimination, torture, unfairness and harassment. You will have your day–the way you treat people is the same way you will be treated. Watch what karma does... ■

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9

THE Fun Of Local

Food HOW EVENTS LIKE KA‘ANAPALI FRESH HELP STIMULATE MAUI’S GROWING AGRITOURISM INDUSTRY • BY JEN RUSSO

KIMO FALCONER -MAUI ESTATE COFFEE FARM • PHOTO COURTESY KA‘ANAPALI FRESH

ver toured a farm or picked your own strawberries in Kula?

It’s agritourism, and on Maui, it’s really growing. Statistically, agriculture jobs are on the decline everywhere, and here on Maui they’re projected to drop by 12 percent by 2018. But with increasing popular interest in food transparency, self sufficiency, 100-mile lifestyles and agritainment, (that’s agriculture plus entertainment), the agritourism industry earned the state $38.8 million in 2006.

Culinary events where chefs tout the farms and fishermen they get their products from are also boosting the industry and putting a face on your local food chain.

“I believe the role of the chef in agritourism is still being defined,” says Chris Schobel, executive chef at Hula Grill in

E

10 AUGUST 22, 2013

Ka’anapali. “Being passionate about local agriculture and participating in events is the tip of the iceberg for what is to come. Being able to showcase our talents with the talents of the farmers will lead to many more opportunities in the future. This will help define cooks tours and other activities that tourists can base their schedules around.”

Europe has been developing their agritourism industry for centuries and leads the way with destinations like Tuscany, where people stay at farms with restaurants, and learn to make local cuisine from nearby chefs as well as pair that food with locally grown wine. We may not have the old farmhouses to convert into inns for our visitors–in fact, just creating a bed and breakfast business seems to be a challenge for our county–but Hawaii is making headway into the industry with the help

of the Hawaii AgriTourism Association and a few other key players.

Like the Ka’anapali Beach Resort Association. When Executive Director Shelley Kekuna wanted to create a new signature culinary event, she focused on creating one of the biggest agritourism events on the Westside–one that also showcases the chefs of Ka’anapali.

Along with Warren Watanabe from the Maui County Farm Bureau, they linked together Maui’s bountiful agriculture to Ka’anapali’s culinary prowess. The result became the three-day Kaanapali Fresh event, which takes place over Labor Day weekend.

Francois Milliet, executive chef at the Westin Ka’anapali Ocean Resort Villas, says Ka’anapali Fresh exposes him to new farmers and helps him discover items they’re growing that he might not even have

known was available. It also allows him to share his needs with the farm community.

For farmers like Walter Evonok (pictured on this week’s cover) of Kula, Ka’anapali Fresh is one of maybe three events his family-owned and operated farm participates in a year. He also uses it to connect with Maui chefs to let them know what he grows on his second-generation herb farm. Evonok Farms also runs farm tours by appointment.

“These types of every events are a great opportunity to meet individuals who are using our herbs to produce wonderful meals at home for their families,” says Evonok. “It’s rewarding for us to have this kind of connection to our customers. These events are also a great opportunity to meet and build relationships with the chefs who use our produce. There are just a few chefs

PHOTO COURTESY KA‘ANAPALI FRESH

Chef Chris Schobel with Dave Horsman & Manu Akana of Ho‘o Pono Farms

that we work directly with but many more of the island’s chefs have visited our farm to meet with us and tour our operation. It’s a great way for chefs to get a feel for what we do and to get inspired when developing their menus. We’re also able to ask questions to better understand how our produce is used and what chefs are looking for. It’s a mutually beneficial experience.”

Sheraton’s Executive Chef Greg Gaspar says Ka’anapali Fresh shows how the dynamic has changed for sourcing products. Forty years ago, all restaurant food came from the mainland. Now Gaspar features locally grown fruits and vegetables on both his restaurant and banquet menus and even lists the farmers and regions where they come from.

At Ka’anapali Fresh, each of the 12 chefs is paired with a farm to specifically work with, feature and highlight in their dishes for the weekend. Others, like Monica Cajudoy’s Napili AquaFlo and James Simpliciano of SimpliFresh farms, will provide locally grown ingredients for the chefs as well.

“I will be paired with Ono Farms of Hana Maui this year,” says Gaspar. “On Friday night I will be featuring local fruits like star fruit, passion fruit, guava and dragon fruit for my dessert table that the Sheraton Maui will offering. I’m really looking forward to being able to share great fresh locally grown produce with locals and visitors alike. I want to see everyone enjoy the food that we as chefs create in our kitchens and offer it to food lovers. Those who enjoy great food, great wine and top quality Hawaiian entertainment are in for a treat.”

“As chefs, our responsibility is to provide the best tasting food to our guests.” concludes with a special catered lunch and then a coffee tasting at MauiGrown Coffee.

Lopes, the owner of Maui Country Farm Tours and is Vice President of the Hawaii AgriTourism Association, says she started her tour business as farm-to-table culinary concepts were just taking off. She thought sharing Maui’s farms could inspire people to support the farms and bring together her love of cooking and gardening.

“It was do or die,” she says. “I needed to create a business and make it work. We specialize in personalized farm tours Upcountry and West Maui Coffee Tours. The cost of gasoline, insurances, reaching out to the visitor industry for the first time was challenging for me. My other inspiration was Lani Weigert, co-founder of the Lavender Farm. I felt they are the role model for all farms to create added value products and show the world that farmers can make a living by partnering with others within a 50-mile radius and make a community thrive.”

At the Ali’i Lavender Farm, Lani Weigert says it’s the experiential process of agritourism that keeps it a success. Each farm is different, and at Ali’i Lavender guests get to stroll and sniff, taste and touch the various varieties of Lavender and other plants on property. They have a gift shop selling more than 70 different products that feature lavender.

Saturday evening, farmers and chefs will converge yet again at The 5-0 Book ‘Em Dinner. Ka‘anapali will entertain with teams like Hyatt Regency Maui’s

One intriguing pairing is that of Chef Milliet of the Westin, who will be teamed with Aina Haumana, the non-profit educational leg of Ho’o Pono farms. Aina Haumana operates five acres as a living classroom with three different levels (grades) of student groups. Their program teaches sustainable farming education to grow future farmers.

“As chefs, our responsibility is to provide the best tasting food to our guests,” says Milliet. “By utilizing local product that are just picked and ripened we are achieving this goal as well as supporting the local

farmer and the community. When we talk to our server about the product that we serve and are passionate about the product, the server become ambassador of the product. They share our passion with the guest and this help to create an awareness of the product.”

Finally, on Sunday people can book ocean and sand play activities in Ka‘anapali. If they mention the words “Maui Food Bank” when doing so, the activity companies will make a donation to that non-profit.

Lani Weigert, who is also the executive director of the Hawaii AgriTourism Association, says that there are more battles to be won to develop the industry. That ranges from getting new legislation to promoting awareness of the local farms and the restaurants that use them. She says that sometimes the community fails to see the upside of jobs and the additional spending at peripheral businesses when looking at agritourism, and instead focuses things like dust and traffic.

“Lack of political will is definitely one of the challenges,” says says. “Without the lawmakers stepping up and pushing through legislation that can create economic opportunities for farmers, with laws that promote (not prevent) and welcome diversity, it continues to be a hard, long road. On Maui, the next step is getting an ag tourism bill adopted. Councilman Mike White and, previous to him, Gladys Baisa are the champions on deck to make that happen for Maui County.”

She says culinary events like Ka‘anapali Fresh play a role in moving things forward and help pump money into the industry.

“The trends have directed people to agriculture,” she says. “Ag is cool and sexy now. People want to be a part of it. Events like this raise awareness to both visitors and locals alike. Ka‘anapali Fresh stimulates both tourism and agriculture industries.

They are necessary.”

For more information on Ka‘anapali Fresh, visit KaanapaliFresh.com. You can find more information on the Hawaii Agritourism Association, at Hiagtourism.org. ■ jen@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

PHOTO COURTESY KA‘ANAPALI FRESH

Kaanapali Fresh kicks off on Friday, Aug. 30 with a mixology class held outside at the Royal Lahaina Resort at 2pm. Chandra Lucariello will take students on a tour of craft-tail freshology while attendees snack on pupus from the resort. Later that day, the Westin Maui will host a progressive dinner that ends at the Sheraton Maui, where guests will be treated to a performance by Jake Shimabukuro.

Then on Saturday, the Grown on Maui Farmers Market at Whaler’s Village starts at 7:30am. Here’s your chance to rub elbows with local farmers, buy produce and goods and see the island’s wide range of farms. Chef’s booths will feature breakfast items, and the Maui Coffee Association will offer java. There will also be representa-

tion from the Neighborhood Farm, Hana Herbs and Flowers and the Maui Flower Growers Association along with the Hawaii AgriTourism Association. After the farmers market, there’s a chance to take a tour of the Ka‘anapali Estate Coffee Farms to see their exotic mokka, catuai and other kinds of Maui-grown coffee.

Marilyn Jansen Lopes narrated the coffee tour at last year’s Ka‘anapali Fresh, and this year Pomai Weigert from Ali‘i Kula Lavender farms will be chronicling the excursion that

Executive Chef Gregory Grohowski and Walter Evonuk of Evonok Farms. The chefs will present a chilled dish and a hot dish, and Grohowski is going with a Vietnamese-inspired menu that will honor the herbs from Evonok.

You can almost taste the thrill from reading the menu. There’s a “Vietnamese Style” salad with seared Maui Cattle Company Beef, Ali’i Kula Lavender Seasoned and Marinated in Lemon Juice, Evonuk Farms Salad of Mint, Cilantro, Basil, Arugula & Romaine and a Lavender nouc cham Vinaigrette, with Shallots, Peanuts and Shrimp Chip. Or there’s the “Ahi Blossoms” Hawaiian Rib Eye Tuna with Sushi Rice, Opilio Crab, Tobanjan Sauce and Green Onion.

Multiply this by a dozen chefs and you have a culinary celebration that’s 50 years in the making. Another treat? There will be live performances by internationally renowned Hawaiian artists Amy Hanaiali‘i Gilliom and Makana.

“I’m excited to hang out with other professional chefs,” says Chef Christian Jorgensen about Saturday night. Jorgenson, who owns CJ’s Deli, will create a menu using Maui Gold Pineapple. “We all work too hard and need to get out of our restaurants and see what creative items each other is making. I also hope to see some new products being grown upcountry that I can start using in my restaurant. This is a wonderful opportunity for the farmers to showcase and sell their products.”

Chauncy Monden of Kula Country Farms

AUGUST 22, 2013

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The Best Mai Tai In The World

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

This year’s Mai Tai Festival judges say Haliimaile General Store’s Wendy Augustine serves them

World Mai Tai Champ Wendy Augustine

W

endy Augustine, a bartender at Hali‘imaile General Store, knows Mai Tais. She knows them so well, in fact, that this weekend her special Mai Tai blend won the coveted title of World’s Best Mai Tai, making her the first ever Maui bartender to win such a victory.

The Mai Tai is Hawaii’s signature drink.

This is despite the fact that the Mai Tai isn’t really Hawaiian or even Polynesian. Despite its poi dog roots, the incredibly popular rum cocktail is here to stay. The folks at the Royal Kona Resort, home to the Don the Beachcomber restaurant, and Don’s Mai Tai Bar offer a glimpse of the future of this mythology with the annual World’s Best Mai Tai competition, which took place last weekend. Bartenders fly in from around the state (and a smattering of the rest of the nation) to offer their latest rum creation to the Mai Tai gods.

“Coming to Royal Kona Resort and tasting a Mai Tai is like going to the Raffles Hotel in Singapore and drinking the Singapore Sling,” said celebrity judge and chef Sam Choy. “It’s like going to the source. There is nothing like it.”

The Mai Tai Festival kicked off early in the day with the Battle of the Barbecue on the Luau grounds of the Royal Kona. There were food booths and a Mai Tai Marketplace with tons of vendors featuring local artwork, crafts and clothing. Newcomer Umeke took first place with their Kona Kampachi Grilled Plate featuring a rice ball and grilled stuffed mushroom while Broke da Mouth took home the Peoples’ Choice Award with their hefty rib, short rib and shrimp on purple sweet potato mash. After the battle, Henry Kapono and his band hosted a pool party.

It was needed, because the main event consisted of seven rounds of bartendar competition for the title of World’s Best Mai Tai. Choy joined five other brave celebrity judges: Chris Teves, publisher of Hawaii

Beverage Guide, Chef Ippy Aiona, Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum distiller Mark Nigbur, Hockey player TJ Gorence and Kona Brewing Brewmaster Paul Bergman. Tasked with tasting 17 Mai Tais is not easy but Teves, who has judged five years in a row, said simply, “You gotta pace yourself!” Teves added that you have two different experiences with a Mai Tai: first, there is the aroma to consider and the layering in the drink, and second you have to “mix it up to get a better taste.”

Maui’s own Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum, featuring boutique distilled sugar cane rum from Hali‘imaile, was the rum of the competition. From there competitors incorporated homemade syrups, orgeat, falernum, hops, lychee, lavender, orchid, fernet, dragonfruit, honey and other ingredients into their special cocktails. The key lay in mixing the spirited ingredients to get the perfect balance of nose, palate and finish, which along with presentation, creativity and staying true to form, made up the basis of the judging. Each

judging detail can bring a maximum score of 10 points, and a perfect scoring Mai Tai would be 420 points.

The first Maui contestant to get in the rounds was James Shoemaker with his Red Rocker Mai Tai. In his presentation he brought out six different glasses for his ruby red drink, and garnished it perfectly with mint and lime for good contrast.

“In the five years of the Mai Tai contest, no bartender from Maui has won so I wanted to bring all local kine action to my Red Rocker Mai Tai,” Shoemaker said. “[I used] Hali‘imaile Distillery Sammy Hagar Beach Bar rum, Kula strawberries, Moana Café house-made shrub, Upcountry lychee, Evonuk Farms mint and local limes from a guy in a truck. The challenge was the the color red–you don’t want to use Grenadine so I chose to go with Kula strawberries and our Moana Café house-made shrub.”

But it was Wendy Augustine from Hali‘imaile General Store who took home Continued on page 15

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Food & Drink

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

tried to keep his recipe close to the classic.

“I think the biggest challenge is to stay in Mai Tai land,” says Nevins. “Rum-based, citrus, floater. Easy to shoot for the moon, [but the] trick is to keep it classy, respect what works, don’t over analyze.”

Oahu bartender Roxanne Seibert of the Republik took fifth with her “One Night in Kona.” It featured a coconut gastrique, vanilla fernet branca, pineapple, orange and Sammy’s rum.

“I wanted it to appeal to bartenders,” says Seibert. “Tiki drinks are sometimes kind of gaudy, so I tried to refine it a little.”

Taking a slightly different approach

these overly sweet fruit juice concoctions that have all sorts of ingredients that do not belong,” Newman said. “Show me a bartender that can make a really good, classic recipe Mai Tai and I will show you a bar that I would like to sit at. Unfortunately, most of the hotels in Hawaii just flood the market with these ‘Mai Tai’s’– they really shouldn’t be called that–that have pineapple, OJ and grenadine in them. And if that wasn’t bad enough they are using really bad quality fruit juices, many which come out of a soda gun. So when people visit our islands they assume that’s what a Mai Tai is. Not sure how we

Justin Park, Manifest

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

of Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum–their disContinued from page 13 tillery is just across the way. Owner and top honors. She served her winning entry renowned chef Bev Gannon was elated in a Maui Gold Pineapple, with a “sea shell with the win. She said it was a win for all of macadamia nuts.” She said she drew of Hali‘imaile: Maui Gold Pineapple, the inspiration from the early days of the Mai distillery and the restaurant.

Tai and wanted a drink that would take the “We are all so excited about Wendy’s judges back in time. Her Mai Tai featured win,” said Gannon. “She is the most pasfresh lilikoi puree, scratch sweet and sour, sionate and creative bartender I’ve ever orgeat, orange curacao, locally made light Nick Alvarez, California met. She is constantly trying to up her and dark rum, fresh lime juice, kaffir lime syrup, fresh lime zest, flash blend and a gar- game when it comes to bartending. Wendy is as creative with her cocktails as I am nish of lime, pineapple spear and one old style cherry. The drink featured a crushed ice with my food. Hats off to Wendy.”

Justin Park, the defending 2012 Mai effect, which Augustine said she achieved by Tai champion from the Manifest in Hobuilding the drinks in a blender. nolulu’s Chinatown, took home second “Think about the ‘40s and ‘50s, when place with his dramatic Lua Pele Mai Tai. tropical drinks were served in coconut Judges said his cocktail was delicious, shells and fresh pineapples,” she said. “I and it incorporated 10 ingredients pretried to recreate that era. I added fresh sented in a faceted highball glass atop a tropical flowers and with the visual of a smoking wood-carved pedestal. retro postcard. Then there was the drink.

Tim Rita from Monkeypod Kitchen on I used all fresh and local ingredients; Oahu also placed with his Hana Hou Mai this Mai Tai has no artificial or pre-made juice. The balance of sweet and tart to the Tai that featured ginger, Maui lavender, absinthe and caramel foam with black sea light and dark rums and the texture of salt. Chris Nevins from the Four Seasons in the fresh citrus–it’s all a balance, to keep Wailea also made the top five. He says he you craving that next sip.” makes up to a hundred Mai Tais a shift and Hali‘imaile General Store is a neighbor

PHOTO BY KEVIN OLSON

Yvette Kitagawa, Royal Lahaina, delivering Mai Tais

Royal Kona pool party

was Jim Alford, the owner of Humpy’s in Kona. He told me that the Mai Tai gets a bad rap from crappy ingredients. “The Mai Tai nowadays is butchered with pineapple and grenadine,” he said. “I don’t expect to win–I just want to enlighten patrons on a proper cocktail.”

Dave Newman, the president of the Hawaii Chapter of the US Bartenders Guild, agreed to a point, though he also said that competitions like this bring enlightenment to the drink and the spirits culture in general.

“Most of what we find in Hawaii are

got here, but I know a handful of bartenders that are doing it right and trying to spread their passion for our craft.

“That’s why this competition is so great,” he continued. “It brings together a great group of talented professionals who are trying to raise the bar of our craft. It lets us all get together and have a great time. And hey, if you happen to win $10,000–well, that’s not a bad thing either.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

AUGUST 22, 2013 15

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THURSDAY, AUG. 22 DOLPHIN TALK – Dive into a conversation with Dr. Sarah Cour-

bis, a research associate at Portland State University, concerning humanity’s impact on Hawaii’s dolphin population. Featured at Pacific Whale Foundation’s Making Waves Lecture series, Courbis will lead the discussion via an exclusive webinar titled “Hawaii’s Dolphins: Human Impacts and Conservation Action.” The public forum will explore human impacts, conservation efforts and marine research surrounding Hawaii’s unique wild spinner, bottlenose and spotted dolphins. Find out how you can ensure a pleasant experience for both human and animal. Free. 6pm-7:30pm. Pacific Whale Foundation’s Discovery Center (300 Ma’alaea Rd.);808856-8304, Pacificwhale.org. Photo: NASA/Wikimedia Commons

FRIDAY, AUG. 23 KIHEI TOWN PARTY – Stroll around the Southside as the Maui

Friday Town Party tour stops in Kihei this week. Hele down for Kihei’s “Hot August Nights” and get the chance to help cool off Mayor Alan Arakawa in the dunk tank! From 6-7pm, the public will have a chance to help Backpack Buddies by attempting to send Arakawa for a dip. The evening will feature emcee Pete Sebastian, Naau, Maui Underground and Angie Carr. There’s also the Keiki Zone filled with bubbles, balloons, games, karaoke and more. Keep your stomach hap-py at the various Azeka restaurants along with its extensive food truckk and food court selections. Later you can Pau hana at Stella Blues for or live music (no cover) all night. Free. 6pm-9pm. Azeka Shopping Cennter, Mauka (1279 S. Kihei Rd.), Mauifridays.com/kihei.

FRIDAY, AUG. 23

SATURDAY, AUG. 24

CELEBRATE HISTORIC LAHAINA – The Lahaina Restoration Foundation, along with Maui County

and Lahaina’s community, want you to “Celebrate Historic Lahaina.” It marks the completion of an initiative called IMAGINE, as well as the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) exhibit in the Old Lahaina Courthouse and plans for the Lahaina Harbor. On Friday, talk story with Katherine Kama‘ema‘e Smith at the Lahaina Public Library about The Flemming Journals: West Maui Land Records and Family History (3pm-4pm). Then on Saturday, festivities will take place between the Old Lahaina Courthouse, Banyan Tree Park, Lahaina Harbor and Lahaina Library Park. There’s kapa making, the Lahaina Yacht Club Junior Sailing program and the third annual Grom Magazine Lahaina Surf Bash. Maui Nei Native Expeditions will also offer walking tours, a chance to plant kalo at the Lahaina Library and cultural films at the Wharf Cinema. 10am-4pm. Lahaina. 808-661-3262, LahainaRestoration.org. Photo: Anthony Martinez/Lahaina Heritage Museum

BRICK BUILDING WITH LEGO ARTIST PATRICK MARKEY – Here’s a chance for your kids to explore their

creativity with Lego artist Patrick Markey. Keiki six to 10 are invited to get crafty with Lego bricks with Markey, who’s been creating art through the medium of Lego for a decade. The session helps kids to learn about architecture, problem-solving and enhance their motor skills.

Parents and caregivers are encouraged to attend this session with their child. Reservations are required. Free. 3pm. Kihei Public Library (35 Waimahaihai St., Kihei); 808-875-6833, Hawaii.sdp.sirsi.net/custom/web. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

SATURDAY, AUG. 24 POP IN DAY – The Schaefer Gallery at the Maui Arts and Cultural Cen-

SULLIVAN AND SON – Stretch your jaw and get ready to laugh as the Maui Arts ts

ter wants you to attend “Pop in day” and meet artist Wes Bruce. Titled “Taken By Wonder,” Wes’ installation creates a space left to the imagination with allusions of origins, social customs, physical and cultural development.

Meet the artist and ask him how his art reveals our innate curiosity and inquisitions. Free. 11am-2pm. MACC, Schaefer Gallery (One Cameron Way,

and Cultural Center presents Sullivan & Son. Originally a TBS half-hour comedy dy series, the foursome–Steve Byrne, Owen Benjamin, Roy Wood Jr. and Ahmed ed Ahmed–are equally funny on stage. They’re also regulars on The Tonight Show, Commedy Central, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and more, so there’s that. $29 general al

Kahului), Mauiarts.org/schaefer.html. Photo courtesy MACC

admission/ $39 meet-and-greet. 7:30pm. MACC, McCoy Studio Theater (One e Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy MACC

SATURDAY, AUG. 24 SHOP FOR A CAUSE – Macy’s Shop For A Cause gives you the ultimate excuse to shop this Saturday. Buy a $5 Shop For A Cause discount card and receive exclusive savings (including clearance) at Macy’s across the country.

The all-day shopping pass offers 25 percent off regular, sale and clearance merchandise throughout the store as well as 10 percent off watches, furniture, mattresses and area rugs. All proceeds from the discount card will go o to the non-profit of your choice (it also enters you for a chance to win a $500 0 Macy’s gift card). Buy your card direct from your charity of choice, or get one e at Macy’s, which will benefit the March of Dimes. Macy’s (275 W Ka’ahumanu u

KEIKI FISHING CONTEST – Cast your line and/or throw your net as the Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary and the Lahaina Yacht Club present the Keiki Mini Fishing Contest. Learn safe and responsible fishing practices, watch handson demonstrations, visit fishing-prize learning booth, get tips on barbless hook-making or participate in a full-size whale tail and humpback whale calf painting. Every keiki who enters the contest will receive a coupon for a free shave ice from Banyan Treats at the Pioneer Inn shops. Free. 10am-3pm. Lahaina Harbor, Ha-

Ave., Kahului), Macys.com. Photo: August Macke/Wikimedia Commons

waiihumpbackwhale.noaa.gov. Photo: Tom Blackburn-Rodriguez

SATURDAY, AUG. 24 CHEF LYNDON HONDA AT MAUI BREWCO – Originally a chef

CHEF SHELDON SIMEON AT MALA AND HONU – Hilo

consultant to Maui Brewing Co., Chef Lyndon Honda is returning to the brewery for a specialty five-course dinner and beer pairing. These days Honda is creating pop-up food events around Maui. The menu for this event will start with a corn salad, followed by a charcutiere, grilled tako agrodolce, Li Hing Mui Vienna lager braised buffalo brisket and will end with a twist on the classic milk and cookie dessert. Maui Brewing Co. beers will be available for purchase. A private tour of the brewery is included as well. Get your tickets online. $75. 6pm-9pm. Maui Brewing Co. Tasting

native and Maui Community College Culinary Program alumni Chef Sheldon Simeon achieved national fame as a top finalist on the 10th Season of Bravo’s Top Chef. He’s also the 2013 Aipono Chef of the Year Award recipient. Now you can catch Simeon on Sat., Aug. 24 at Mala and again on Wed. Aug. 28 at Honu for a four-course prefixe menu. He’ll donate a percentage of each plate to Punana Leo O Maui and the Lahaina State Park. Reservations are required. $110. Mala

Room (910 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Lahaina), Mauibrewpopup.eventbrite.com. Photo: Sean M. Hower

(1307 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9394, Malaoceantavern. com. Honu (1295 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9390, Honumaui.com. Photo: MauiTime

SATURDAY, AUG. 24 MECO ENERGY FAIR – Maui Electric Co. wants your entire ohana

MA‘ALAEA GENERAL STORE ANNIVERSARY – In honor of the Ma’alaea General

to spend an afternoon enjoying the wonders of electricity. Get your keiki’s brain wheels turning with interactive displays, live demonstrations and robotics. Learn how we can conserve energy and support clean energy efforts. Students from Maui High and Baldwin High will also present their robotics projects. Additional environmental causes will be on hand to share their work and answer any questions, and there will be electrical safety and EV displays as well. Free. 10am-2pm. Queen

Store and Cafe’s first anniversary, customers who stop by this weekend can grab 50 cent hot dogs and a free cup of coffee with the purchase of any pastry. Grab lunch for yourself and the ohana for a real deal.

Ma’alaea General Store (132 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-242-8900, Maalaeastore.com.

Photo courtesy Maalaea General Store FB page

Ka’ahumanu Center (275 W Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului) Queenkaahumanucenter.com. Photo: Caroline Tresman/Wikimedia Commons

TUESDAY, AUG. 27

WEDNESDAY, AUG. 28 FRANK DE LIMA BENEFIT SHOW – Drawing inspiration from his family and friends, Frank De Lima has been making Hawaii laugh for over three decades.

Now the beloved comedian and Pauoa Valley native makes his way to Maui for a special cause. You can join De Lima for an evening of food, music and comedy with proceeds benefiting the Begario ohana, a family that recently lost their home in a fire. Known for the various characters he plays, guests are invited to participate in the Frank Delima tutu look-alike contest. A silent auction will also be open. $55. 5:30pm-9pm. Binhi at Ani / Maui Filipino Community Center

‘EDWARD SCISSORHANDS’ – Here’s a chance to revisit the 1990 story of “uncommonly gentle man” Edward Scissorhands, starring Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. Tim Burton’s romantic fantasy follows Edward, a man-made creation with scissors for hands, as he acclimates to life in the suburbs. But chaos ensues when Edward falls in love with the daughter of his adopted family. Hold back your tears and eat all the popcorn you need. Happy Hour prices until 9pm. No cover. 7:30pm-9:30pm. Ambrosia’s Martini Lounge

(780 Onehe‘e Ave., Kahului), Binhiatani.org. Photo courtesy Binhi at Ani

(1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011, Ambrosiamaui.com

AUGUST 22, 2013 17

JOURNALISM

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SEND INQUIRIES AND RESUMES TO JEN RUSSO AT JOBS@ @MAUITIME.COM 18 AUGUST 22, 2013

By Barry Wurst II

Film

‘You’re Next’ See this horror film only if you enjoy watching junk

You’re Next ★★★★★ Rated R / 96 Min.

I

t happens at least once a year.

A horror film premieres at a film festival and emerges surrounded by such buzz that it becomes a gotta-see-it phenomenon. The problem is you can’t always trust the word of mouth from an audience. I once suffered through a horror fest screening of Chillerama, a movie even the most forgiving horror fans have noted to be a new low for the genre. You’d never guess that from the abundant cheers I heard at the showing, which was packed and had the filmmakers present. I’m glad people enjoy themselves at the movies, but that crowd was applauding a turkey with no legs.

Over the years, horror movies have emerged with pre-release, word-of-mouth approval and ended up a total bust. The lousy V/H/S and uneven The House of the Devil come to mind. Add the far worse You’re Next to the boneyard.

In the opening scene, an older man

and his younger girlfriend engage in one of the worst-staged sex scenes I’ve ever witnessed (c’mon, even soap operas aren’t this lazy). Post-coitus, he walks into another room, while his girlfriend wanders around, barely attired, and into corridors with no lights on.

Clearly, she’s never seen a horror movie before. After an initial slaughter, one of them discovers the words “YOU’RE NEXT” written on a screen glass door and is murdered as well. Then we meet a whole new batch of victims-to-be, gathering in a large house, isolated out in the country. The occasion is a family reunion and, following an annoying, shaky camera reveal of an attack by arrows, a home invasion is in place. Sorry, rich white dudes. You’re next!

A word-of-mouth favorite from the festival circuit two years ago, this fiasco should have stayed on the shelf. The hype is puzzling, unless you’re the easiest to please horror fan (which true genre die hards certainly are not). I love horror films, especially the ones that are scary, suspenseful, jolting, smart and linger in the mind when they’re over.

But even with lowered expectations, there’s nothing here you haven’t seen be-

Where’s the director?

fore. In addition to The Strangers (which haunted me for years), April Fool’s Day, Last House on the Left, Tourist Trap, any Friday the 13th installment and even Home Alone have all done this far better.

This only offers cheap jump “scares,” globs of bursting blood packets and gooshy sound effects. The acting is at the level of a bad high school play and the filmmaking is equally drab and amateurish. Most low budget horror films aren’t this ugly to look at or so unimpressively staged. Unless semi-spooky masks and actors grabbing their throats and making gurgling sounds scare you, there’s nothing here to recommend for even the more adventurous film goers.

I won’t hint at it but will state that the plot’s “big twist” is a massive let down and not even on par with a bad Shyamalan capper. Once the reason for the attack is revealed, it’s an alarmingly stupid plan.

The Cabin in the Woods could mop the (bloody) floor with this one in every way.

Recently, horror fans have directed me to great films like Let the Right One In and Insidious, so I’m willing to forgive the misplaced affection for junk like this. For those who loved Chillerama, I’ve got a real winner for you.

Wanna spend more money on a movie ticket than the filmmakers did on the budget? For a piece of garbage? Then step right up- you’re next! ■

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4-course prefix menu - No Substitutions

$110/person (+tax, gratuity and beverages) A percentage of each dinner will go to benefit

Punana Leo O Maui & Lahaina Skate Park

Valley Isle Gymnastics 250 Alamaha • Suite N3 Kahului • 871-6116 valleyislegymnastics.com www.Facebook.com/TeamVIG

AUGUST 22, 2013 19

2012 012 BEST OF MAUI MAU WINNER

‘BEST BARISTA’ OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 26 N. MARKET ST.

808.495.0259

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MICHAEL HOWER PHOTO + VIDEO

808.250.1788 .com

20 AUGUST 22, 2013

HOWERPHOTO.COM

By Toni Colombo

Film

Showtimes KA’AHUMANU 6

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm)

Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) (A complete list of showtimes was unavailable at press time. Call for showtimes.)

Bakit Hindi Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo-UnratedTHU 11:50, 2:25, 5:00, 7:40, 10:15. THU-TUES 2:30, 5:00, 7:35, 10:10.

Blue Jasmine-PG13-THU-TUES 10:20, 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:00, 9:10 Despicable Me 2-PG-THU 10:00, 12:15, 2:30, 4:45. THU-TUES 10:00, 12:15.

Elysium-R-THU 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30.

FRI-TUES 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50.

Kick-Ass 2-R-THU 10:00, 12:30, 3:00, 5:30, 8:00, 10:30.

THU-TUES 10:00, 12:30, 3:00, 5:30, 8:00, 10:30.

The Conjuring-R-THU 7:00, 9:35 The Wolverine-PG13-THU 11:00, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:20. THU-TUES 10:35, 1:25, 4:15, 7:05, 9:55.

We’re The Millers-R-THU 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. THU-TUE 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30, 10:00.

2 Guns-R-THU 12:40, 3:40, 6:50, 9:50. THU 12:20, 3:20, 6:30, 9:10.

Jobs-PG13-THU 12:50, 4:00, 7:20, 10:25. THU 12:40, 4:00, 7:20, 10:25.

Lee Daniel’s The Butler-PG13-THU 12:20, 3:30, 7:00, 10:10. THU 12:10, 3:20, 6:50, 10:10.

Mortal Instruments: City of Bones-PG13THU-WED 12:00, 3:30, 7:00, 10:20 Pacific Rim-PG13-THU 12:10, 3:10, 6:40, 10:00. THU 12:10, 3:10, 6:40, 10:00.

Paranoia-PG13-THU 11:50, 2:30, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30. THU 11:50, 2:30, 5:10, 7:50, 10:30.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters-PG-THU 11:50, 1:00, 2:20, 4:50, 7:30, 10:20. THU 11:50, 1:00, 2:20, 4:50, 7:30, 10:30.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters 3D-PG-THU

4:10, 6:50, 9:40. THU 4:10, 6:50, 9:40.

Planes-PG-THU 12:00, 2:20, 2:50, 4:45, 7:10, 9:45. THU 12:00, 2:20, 2:50, 4:45, 7:10, 9:45.

Planes 3D-PG-THU 12:30, 5:15, 7:40, 10:15.

THU 12:30, 5:15, 7:40.

The Heat-R-THU 12:20, 3:20, 6:30, 9:30 The Smurfs 2-G-THU 12:10, 3:00, 6:30, 9:10 The World’s End-R-THU 10:00. FRI-WED 1:20, 4:10, 7:00, 9:50.

Turbo-PG-THU 12:30, 3:50, 6:20, 9:20. THU 12:30, 3:50, 6:40.

You’re Next-R-THU 10:00

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) (A complete list of showtimes was unavailable at press time. Call for showtimes.)

2 Guns-R-THU 1:45, 4:30, 7;15, 10:05 Elysium-R-THU-WED 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 10:00.

Kick-Ass 2-R-THU-WED 2:00, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15

Last chance to see Dispicable Me 2

NEW THIS WEEK BLUE JASMINE - PG-13 - Drama - Cate Blanchett and Alec Baldwin star in this look at a narcissistic socialite who must deal with an unexpected crisis. Directed by Woody Allen. 98 min.

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES - PG-13 - Action - After her mom disappears, a New York teenage girl learns she must join a secret band of warriors and battle demons, vampires and other more or less typical New Yorkers. 130 min.

THE WORLD’S END - R - Action/Comedy - Five friends on a pub crawl learn they must save the world. 109 min.

YOU’RE NEXT - R - Horror - Vicious killers attack a family, then face revenge from one family member who harbors some dark secret blah blah blah. See this week’s film critique. 96 min.

NOW PLAYING 2 GUNS - R - Action/Comedy - An undercover DEA agent and naval intelligence officer unwittingly join forces after failing to infiltrate a drug cartel. Stars Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg. 109 min.

BAKIT HINDI KA CRUSH NG CRUSH MO? - UR - Romance/Comedy - A smart but somewhat unattractive girl undergoes a makeover.

Based on the novel of the same name. 100 min.

ELYSIUM - R - Action/Sci-fi - Matt Damon stars in this dystopian take on a future where rich people live in space and the poors live on Earth, and he has to bust heads in a hightech suit for some reason. 109 min.

JOBS - PG-13 - Drama - Ashton Kutcher plays Apple co-founder Steve Jobs in this biopic. 122 min.

KICK-ASS 2 - R - Action/Comedy - Kick-Ass and Hit Girl (who is now a teenager) fight Red Mist again. 103 min.

LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER - PG-13 - Drama - All of Hollywood (including Oprah!) stars in this look at the life of a White House butler. 132 min.

PACIFIC RIM - PG-13 - Action/Sci-fi - Earth builds giant robots to battle invaders from outer space. 131 min.

PARANOIA - PG-13 - Thriller - Some new kid in a powerful tech firm must spy on his powerful bosses’ powerful former mentor. Stars Gary Oldman and a bald Harrison Ford. 106 min.

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS - PG - Family/Adventure - The son of Poseidon and friends travel to the Sea of Monsters to find

the Golden Fleece and save their home. 106 min.

PLANES - PG - Animation - If liked Disney’s Cars (both pictures), then you’ll love this one, also from Disney. 92 min.

TURBO - PG - Animation - An accident gives a garden snail his big chance to win the Indy 500. 96 min.

THE SMURFS 2 - G - Animation - Gargamel (voiced by Hank Azaria) captures Smurfette (Katy Perry) so he can start turning Naughties into Smurfs. 105 min.

THE WOLVERINE - PG-13 - Action/Comic - Wolverine goes to Japan, where he faces a particularly dangerous foe as well as his own inner demons. 126 min.

WE’RE THE MILLERS - R - Comedy - A marijuana dealer creates a fake family so he bring a large supply of pot from Mexico into the U.S. Sure, why not. Stars Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis. 110 min.

LAST CHANCE DESPICABLE ME 2 - PG - Animation - Super villain Gru (Steve Carell) goes to work for the Anti-Villain League to fight a super-super criminal. 98 min..

AUGUST 22, 2013 21

By Toni Colombo

Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS

BEACH BUM TWIST - Daily. The Beach House shakes things up with one of a kind beach cocktails. Listen to a beach-inspired soundtrack, sit back, relax, and drink in the ocean view. 2-4pm.

Ritz-Carlton Kapalua, (1 Ritz Carlton Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6200; ritzcarlton.com/kapalua

LOL WITH SULLIVAN AND SON - Sat, Aug 24.

Laugh with the comedy quartet, Steve Byrne, Owen Benjamin, Roy Wood Jr. and Ahmed Ahmed. These headliners have graced the stages of The Tonight Show, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central and Conan. $29/$39. 7:30pm. (Maui Arts & Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787

TACO! TACO! - Tue, Aug 27. Mmm... Tacos. Parabola perfection. What’s your favorite kind? Choose from fish, pork, chicken, or veggie tacos for $4. Don’t forget the Tecate and margaritas. 3-5pm. Leilani’s On The Beach, Whaler’s Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.

Bldg. J); 808-661-4495; leilanis.com

SUPPER CLUB WITH JOHN CRUZ - Sat, Aug 24.

Live music and dinner. $30 show at 7:30pm, $60 dinner & show at 6pm. Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

STAGE

BENISE - Sat-Wed. Benise, a new Musical event comes to the Maui Theater. Benise, Emmy winning musician, wows audiences with spanish guitar music, exotic drumming and Spanish Flamenco, Cuban Salsa, Argentinian Tango, Arabic and Waltz dancing. 14.99-79.99. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-9913; mauitheatre.com ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 14 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful and entertaining cultural education on Maui. Starting at $15.99 keiki / $39.99 adults. Kama’aina, dinner and VIP packages available. 6:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; mauitheatre.com YOU GOT IT! - Fri-Sun & Wed. Join the Maui Theatre for the new onstage musical event, You Got It! Starring award winning artist John Stephan. You Got It! pays tribute to the life of musician Roy Orbison, famous for his many top charting hits, including the song “Pretty Woman.” $39-$125/ka’amaina prices available. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-9913; mauitheatre.com LES MISÉRABLES - Fri-Sun. Les Misérables will be performed for the first time ever live on Maui with a cast of 80 performers and a 25-piece live orchestra. Based on Victor Hugo’s grand tale of love and redemption, the epic musical has thrilled audiences around the world for nearly three decades. Produced by MAPA, the production features former Maui resident and international opera singer James Price as the ex-convict Jean Valjean. $15-$65+. 7:30-10:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center Castle Theater, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

FOODIE

TASTE OF TUSCANY - Thu, Aug 22. Join Master Sommelier Patrick Okubo for this month’s dining series, Taste of Tuscany. It features Italian pasta and seafood paired with aged wines of Tuscany. $40. 6:30-7:30pm. Molokini Bar & Grille, (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888 MALA SIGNATURE DINNER - Sat, Aug 24. Chef Sheldon Simeon presents a special dining experience featuring four courses including Kauai Prawns, Roasted Pork Belly and Onaga infused with local ingredients. A percentage of the proceeds benefit Punana Leo O Maui. Reservations required. $110 + tax, gratuity and beverages. Mala Ocean Tavern, (1307 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9394; malaoceantavern.com HONU BENEFIT DINNER - Wed, Aug 28. Chef Sheldon Simeon cooks up four courses including local prawns, pork and kampachi. Reserve your spot for this five-star foodie experience. A percentage of proceeds benefit Lahaina Skate Park. $110 + tax, gratuity and beverages. Honu Seafood & Pizza, (1295 Front St, Lahaina); 808-667-9390; honumaui.com TURKEY TUESDAYS - Tue, Aug 27. It’s time for a picnic. Purchase a pound of in-house roasted turkey from the Whole Foods Speciality Team and get a half pound of cheese to pair with it for free! Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-8723310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui

22 AUGUST 22, 2013

HULA GRILL’S CHEF TASTING MENU TO BENEFIT HILT - Daily. Hula Grill donates a portion of the proceeds from its Chef’s Tasting Menu to the Hawaiian Islands Land Trust as part of its Legacy of Aloha Program. The three-course menu is offered daily 4:45-5:45pm and all evening at the Chef’s Counter. $25.95. Hula Grill, Whaler’s Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636; hulagrillkaanapali.com

MOUTH WATERING MONDAYS - Mon, Aug 26.

Try free samples of what’s in season, new or has got them excited each week. Free. 5pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-8723310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui

TICKETS ON SALE

LES MISÉRABLES - Fri-Sun. Les Misérables will be performed for the first time ever live on Maui with a cast of 80 performers and a 25-piece live orchestra. Based on Victor Hugo’s grand tale of love and redemption, the epic musical has thrilled audiences around the world for nearly three decades. Produced by MAPA, the production features former Maui resident and international opera singer James Price as the ex-convict Jean Valjean. $15-$65+. 7:30-10:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center Castle Theater, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

TACO TUESDAY - Tue, Aug 27. Every Tuesday is Taco Tuesday at Charley’s. Don’t miss their ono $2.50 tacos, washed down with $3 Mexican beers. Choose from fresh kiawe smoked ahi, chicken, pork carnitas or veggie tacos. 5-10pm.

Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 808-579-8085; charleysmaui.com

CROSBY AND NASH - Thu, Aug 29. The MACC welcomes David Crosby and Graham Nash for one night only of unforgettable folk rock sounds and strong vocal harmonies. The two legendary members of the rock supergroup, Crosby, Stills and Nash make their way to Maui to bring back original songs like “The Cost of Freedom,” “You Don’t Have to Go” and “Teach Your Children.” 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787

PIZZA AND MOVIE NIGHT -Tue & Thu. Catch a summer blockbuster at Makena Resort’s Pizza and Movies night. Watch a different feature film every week and chow down on made to order pizzas from their wood burning oven. Movie free with pizza purchase. 6:30pm. Pool Bar & Grill, Makena Beach & Golf Resort, (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888

REGGAE IN THE VALLEY - Fri, Aug 30. Legendary headliners and local artist will grace the stage at the ninth annual Reggae In The Valley music festival.

Ali Campbell, Fiji, Maoli, Mano’o Company, Jordan T. Josh Tatofi, opening with Kalisi, Leylani and Lia Live. $50/ $30-$40 presale. 4:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787

JAPANESE BEER PAIRING DINNER - ThuMon. Enjoy a unique pairing of Japanese beers and fresh local sushi. The hops aroma, sweet and tangy flavor of Japanese beer makes it a fresh summer brew that accents the simplicity of sashimi. $65. 5:30-9pm. Kai Sushi Restaurant, (1 RitzCarlton Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6200

PAULA FUGA AND SAM ITES - Sat, Aug 31. $10.

9pm. Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

THIRSTY THURSDAY - Thu, Aug 22. Botero Bar wants to quench your thirst for something new with their weekly tastings. This month features Tito’s Handmade Vodka. Sample three mixed Tito drinks with pupus while listening to live entertainment. If you’re still hungry, get 20 percent off food from the bistro during the tasting. $20. 6-9pm.

Botero Bar & Lounge, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234; grandwailea.com/resort-dining MA’ALAEA GENERAL STORE B-DAY - Fri & Sat. Ma’alaea General Store celebrates their first birthday by offering 50 cent hot dogs and free coffee with pastry purchases all weekend long! Ma’alaea General Store,(132 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-242-8900; maalaeageneralstore.com PIZZA PARTY WEEKEND - Sun & Sat. Pizza takes the spotlight every weekend at Whole Foods. Every Saturday enjoy $10 whole pizzas, Sundays buy a Take & Bake Pizza and get the second one for free!

Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui JAPENGO SATURDAY SUSHI SCHOOL - Sat, Aug 24. Join sushi chef Jay Ledee in Japengo’s chic sushi lounge. Learn how to create Japengo’s signature sushi rolls from scratch, with hands-on instruction from Ledee and Japengo’s team of expert sushi chefs. $35 per person (includes sushi and non-alcoholic beverages). Maximum 20 people per class. 3-4:30pm.

Japengo at the Hyatt Regency, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4796; maui.hyatt.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun, Aug 25. Enjoy a healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first come, first served and does sell out. Kama’aina offer not applicable.

Ko Restaurant at The Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; fairmont.com

JAZZ AND BLUES FESTIVAL - Sat, Sep 7.

Get ready for a lineup of Award Winning Musicians at this year’s Jazz and Blues Festival. Music from Jazz Legend Lenny Castro, Grammy Winning Blues artist Joe Louis Walker, Na Hoku winners, Tako Drummers and more! Food and drinks will be available for purchase. $50. 4pm. Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808875-1234; mauijazzandbluesfestival.com KU MAI KA HULA - Sat, Sep 14. The 8th Annual International Hula competition will be featuring halau winners from Japan, West Coast and Hawaii. The dancers compete in kahiko (traditional hula) and ‘auana (modern-day hula stylings) in both male and female categories. Experience the competitive side of cultural movement, featuring prestigious judges and award-winning hula. $25/ keiki under 12 half price.

1-7pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 TONY BENNETT - Tue, Sep 24. Performing for more than 60 years, Grammy winning artist Tony Bennett brings smooth vocals and classic music to Maui. “I Left My Heart In San Francisco,” “Because of You” and “The Best Is Yet To Come” are just a few of Bennett’s romantic and familiar hits. Call for ticket prices.

7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; mauiarts.org LEON RUSSELL - Thu, Sep 26. Just pau touring with Elton John, Grammy-nominated, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, Leon Russell brings classic rock and roll to Maui!. $40-$55. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 AUGIE T’S SUMMER OF LOL - Fri, Sep 27. Hawaiian comedian Augie T brings his popular local humor to Maui’s stage. $20/ $35 meet-and-greet. 7:3010pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 HULAVILLE FESTIVILLE - Fri, Sep 27. John Pizzarelli, son of renowned guitarist Bucky Pizzarelli, is one of today’s greatest jazz guitarists. Gifted with spot-on vocals that deliriously swing, it’s no surprise Pizzarelli

is credited with reviving the Great American Songbook. This stellar quartet will feature John Pizzarelli on guitar, Martin Pizzarelli on bass, Larry Fuller on piano, and Tony Tedesco on drums. $35, $45, $55. 7:3010pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787

ART

ART NIGHT - Tue, Aug 27. Check out art and chat with other creative locals. Free. 7-10pm. Uptown Gallery, (2080 Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-298-5035 ARTISTS’ SHOWCASE - Daily. The Four Seasons’ resident artist will be on hand to discuss his or her work in the lower lobby. Free. 8am-1:30pm. Four Seasons Resort, (3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-8748000; fourseasons.com/maui ARTISTS IN RESIDENCE - Every Tue, Wed & Fri. Maui artists sell their works in the lobby. Free. 9am2pm. Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234; grandwailea.com DANNY BRADDIX JR. - Daily (except Fri). Local artist uses acrylics to capture Maui’s forest, flowers and waterfalls. His art will be featured in the Banyan Tree Gallery all month long. 9am-5pm.

Lahaina Arts Society Courthouse Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); lahaina-arts.com ARTIST IN THE EASEL - Currently featuring Belinda Leigh (Mondays). Daryl Millard, winner of the 2011 Lahaina Action Town Committee annual art contest (Wednesdays & Saturdays). Davo, local pop artist (Thursdays & Fridays). Free. 5-9pm. Gallerie 505, (505 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-3537; gallerie505.com LIFE DRAWING SESSIONS - Wed, Aug 28. Swing by the studio for a relaxed evening of life drawing.

Sketch or paint the model in an open studio setting– there’s no instructor and no pressure. Bring your own supplies, charcoal pencils and a large newsprint paper sketch pad suggested. Near Star Noodle in Emerald Plaza. $20 Kama’aina/ $25 visitor. 6:30-8pm. Magenta Blvd Art Studios, (142 Kupuohi St., Lahaina); 808-280-1390; magentablvd.com/art-classes PASTELIST KATHLEEN O’BRYAN - Mon & Thu. For more than 35 years, Kathleen O’Bryan has participated in world-class exhibitions in Santa Fe, New Mexico and Maui. O’Bryan’s art features sky and landscapes brought to life by using light pastels on dark paper. Her art will be exhibited Mondays in Makawao and Thursdays in Paia. 11am-3pm. Maui Hands, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; mauihands.com PHOTOGRAPHY SHOWCASE - Fri, Aug 23. Monica and Michael Sweet team up to bring the Hawaiian Islands beauty to life through bright and vivid photography, capturing land and underwater environments.

Free. 4:30-7:30pm. Maui Hands, (612 Front St., Ste. D, Lahaina); 808-667-9898; mauihands.com ART-BQ - Sun, Aug 25. Every Sunday, enjoy free food and a showcase of Guy’s latest artwork. Free. 6:30pm.

Guy Junker Art Studio, Emerald Plaza, (106 Kupuohi St. B-1, Lahaina); 808-661-0923; guyjunker.com

EVENTS

THURSDAY, AUG 22 FULL MOON CRUISE - Share a romantic evening under the full moon. Enjoy pupus, drinks and dessert while award-winning astronomy writer Harriet Witt gives her insight about the night sky.

8-10pm. Pacific Whale Foundation, (Lahaina Harbor); 808-249-8977; pacificwhale.org MACY’S SHOP FOR A CAUSE- HABITAT FOR HUMANITY - Daily. Purchase a $5 savings pass at Habitat for Humanity now through August. This stellar savings pass will benefit Habitat for Humanity and give you 25 percent off merchandise and 10 percent off electronics and home goods when you shop on Aug. 24. 8:30am-4:30pm. Habitat for Humanity, (970 Lower Main St., Wailuku); 808-9868050; habitat-maui.org/restore.shtml

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/22

8/23

8/24

8/25

8/26-8/28

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Pau Hana 9pm; $10 cover

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover

Get Your Sexy On with DJ LaRage 10pm; no cover

BLUE LAGOON Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Adam Masterson 7:30pm; no cover

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

CLIFF DIVERS - Daily. Experience the thrill with your feet firmly on the ground! Watch experienced cliff divers take the plunge off Ka’anapali’s famous Black Rock. Free. 6-8pm. Sheraton Maui Resort and Spa, (2605 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0031 POLYNESIAN PERFORMANCES -Daily. Come see Maui’s most talented halaus perform center stage. Free.

7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com TURTLE-RRIFIC THURSDAY - Learn about Hawaii’s honu at the Turtle Lagoon interactive program.

The Maui Ocean Center team will share info about sea turtle biology, behavior, diet and daily care. Admission $20+. 2pm. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com

FRIDAY, AUG 23 NOAA EXHIBIT GRAND OPENING - Reception, speeches and a blessings ceremony by Kekoa Yap will be followed by tours of new NOAA exhibits including photos of early Lahaina, interactive maps and more! Free. 6-9pm. Banyan Tree Park, (649 Wharf St., Lahaina); 888- 310-1117 80S OLD SCHOOL DANCE NIGHT - $10 cover.

9pm-1am. Maui Beach Hotel, (170 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-0051 FINS & FLIPPERS TOUR - Take a closer look at sharks and sea turtles on this exclusive behind-thescenes encounter. Tours are guided by a knowledgeable Ocean Naturalist and include the chance to observe supervised feeds at Hammerhead Harbor and Turtle Lagoon. $10 plus admission per guest. Space is limited, call for reservations.

11:30am. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-270-7088; mauioceancenter.com ALOHA FRIDAY MUSICAL JAM - In partnership with Hawai’i on TV, each Friday a different musical style is featured by local artists. Experience Maui at its best! Free. 11:30am-1:30pm Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui ISLAND RHYTHMS SUNSET CRUISE - Dance

MON - DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm; TUES- DJ TRVR, 10pm; WED - DJ J-Zen, 10pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

DJ Irie Dole 9:30pm; no cover

DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: Fast Forward with DJ Kurt, 10pm; $5 before 11pm, $10 after

Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:30p; no cover

Tropical City, Sandwich Island Bass & Marasco 10pm; $12 cover

Le Gruv 9pm; $5 cover

MON - Open Mic & Jam, 7-10pm / TUE Howard Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm / WED Evan Dove & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Will Hartztag & TOLO 7:30-10pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Next Level Entertainment 9pm; no cover

DJ Illz 9pm; no cover

Satterday Saints 9pm; no cover

Gina Martinelli 6pm; no cover

TUE - Pool League, 6pm; no cover

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

DJ Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Jordan 6pm; no cover

MON - Amy’s Mix, 9pm / TUE - House Music/ WED - Big John, 10pm; (no covers)

John Grover Duo 6:30pm; no cover

The House Shakers 6:30pm; no cover

Dr. Nat & The House Shakers, 6:30pm; no cover

WED - Tom Conway, 6:30pm; no cover

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Satterday Saints 9pm-close; no cover

Evan Schulman 6pm; no cover

Evan Schulman 6pm; no cover

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

DJ PlaywFire Ono 9pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; no cover

CASANOVA CHARLEY’S

Sunrize Saturdaze with DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

Salsa Night 9pm; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL

Free Karaoke 10pm; no cover

to local island and Reggae music by Marty Dread aboard a sunset cruise. Appetizers and drinks included. 5pm. Pacific Whale Foundation, 3(00 Ma’alaea Rd., Ste. 100); 808-249-8977; pacificwhale.org DANNY BRADDIX JR. ARTIST RECEPTION - Meet the local artist that uses acrylics to capture Maui’s forest, flowers and waterfalls. His art will be featured in the Banyan Tree Gallery all month long.

6-8pm. Lahaina Arts Society Courthouse Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); lahaina-arts.com KIHEI FOURTH FRIDAY TOWN PARTY - South Maui invites you to a night of fun and festivities. Live music, food, art crafts and keiki activities make this an event for the whole family. Free. 6pm. Kihei Town, (S. Kihei Rd.); 808-870-0423 OBON FESTIVAL - Fri & Sat. This summer, join the Japanese celebration honoring ancestors. This festival brings you spiritual services, music, dancing, vendors and more! Free. 6:30-10pm. Lahaina Hongwanji Mission, (551 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-661-0640 DIVAS NIGHT OUT - Maui’s most elegant and well known spa hosts an evening of mini spa treatments with special gift giveaways, food and pampering. This exclusive spa-rty includes access to Spa Grande’s Hydrotherapy Terme Circuit. Don’t forget your bathing suits! $50 per diva. $25 per little diva. 7:30-10pm. Spa Grande at Grand Wailea Resort & Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234 ext 4949; grandwailea.com

SATURDAY, AUG 24 ‘KOI LIKE A FISH’ FILM - Focusing on elder abuse awareness, the film Koi Like A Fish tells the story of a man and his family experiencing his transition from an independent lifestyle to assisted living. After the film, a panel of experts including reps from the Office of Aging and Victim Witness Protection will review the film and answers related questions. Free. 9am-12pm.

Kahului Union Church, (101 W. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-871-4422; kahuluiunion.org CELEBRATE HISTORIC LAHAINA - Celebrate Westside history with an arts and crafts fair, live music, games, free rides on a 30 foot sailboat and walking tours of historic Lahaina. A new taro

Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; no cover

Karaoke 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Dave Carroll, 7:30pm / TUE - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30pm/ WED - Justin Phillips, 7:30pm

MON - Karaoke, 8pm / TUE - DJ Daizy, 9pm / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm; (no covers)

patch will be planted at the library, followed by cultural demonstrations and tastings. Bring the whole family for a day of fun and interactive history. Free. 10am-4pm. Banyan Tree Park, (649 Wharf St., Lahaina); 888-310-1117

to show off original hot rods, custom paint jobs and pristine rebuilds. Grab a burger at Teddy’s and bring or browse classic art on wheels. Free.

6-9pm. Teddy’s Better Burgers, (335 Keawe St #221, Lahaina); mauicarshows.com

MAUI ELECTRIC ENERGY FAIR - Charge up at the annual energy event hosted by Maui Electric.

Watch energy and robotic demos, check out the electric vehicle display, hands-on activities, games, prizes and more. Free. 10am-2pm. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

FREE FAMILY MOVIE UNDER THE STARS Bring seating, blankets and your keiki for a night of family friendly outdoor cinema. Snacks and face painting are also available for a small donation. Free.

7-9:30pm. Kihei Lutheran Church, (220 Moi Place, Kihei); 808-879-7979; kiheilutheran.org

‘FOLKS YOU MEET AT LONGS’ - Here’s a reading of ‘Folks You Meet At Longs” by famed Hawaii author Lee Cataluna. Get a glimpse into the lives of colorful characters shopping in the aisles of our local pharmacy. Free. 1pm. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com BRICKFUN BUILDING WITH LEGO ARTIST - Spark your keiki’s creativity as they learn more about architecture, design and problem-solving with Lego Artist Patrick Markey. Must be accompanied by parent or guardian. Session size limited, registration required. Ages 6-10. Free. 3pm. Kihei Public Library, (35 Waimahaihai St., Kihei); 808875-6833; librarieshawaii.org MEDB KE ALAHELE EDUCATION BENEFIT - Support local education and enjoy an evening of games, auctions and mingling with Maui educators and Mayor Arakawa. Join other guest to support the advance of Science Technology, Engineering and Math education in Maui County. $175. 4:30-9pm.

Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234; grandwailea.com JULIE HOUCK ART RECEPTION - Talk story with artist Julie Houck as she unveils her latest landscape paintings. Enjoy wine, pupus and a chance to win an oil painting class with the artist.

Free. 5-8pm. Turnbull Fine Art, (137 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9385; turnbullfineart.com MAUI CLASSIC CRUISERS CAR SHOW Every month, the classic cars of Maui meet up

PET ADOPTIONS WITH HARF - Join the Hawaii Animal Rescue Foundation (HARF) for a very special opportunity to rescue your next best friend! Every Saturday, HARF will bring animals in need of a good home. For more info, see websites or call. 10am-4pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-446-4126; hawaiianimalrescue.org YO-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Free. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com

SUNDAY, AUG 25 LOVING KINDNESS PROGRAM - Special musical guest Ram Dass, Frank Ostaseski and Zach Leary “Ramana” Kirtan Band Music lead music, meditation and reflections. Loving Kindness and Hospice Maui partner to bring a program opening the doorway into the light. Monsoon India buffett and Maui Kombucha included. $20. Cash only.

4-7pm. Makawao Union Church, (1445 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-579-8271; ramdass.org MAUI SPORTS CAR AUTOCROSS - Cheer or race in the SCCA Solo Autocross, designed to test drivers’ ability to maneuver through specially designed courses. Although the speeds during the race are no greater than normal highway limits, the nature of the course is intense, highly competitive and exciting! $25 members/ $35 visitors + $15 weekend pass. 8am-2pm.

Maui Motor Sports Park, (Mokulele Hwy); 808283-4986; mauiscca.net

AUGUST 22, 2013 23

AUG 23 KIHEI TOWN 4TH FRIDAY

FREE MUSIC ALL NIGHT AHUMANU, BRADO FEATURING HIGROOVES, KA’ALE & MR KAPU W/ SPECIAL GUEST DJ CARONE

4PM - MIDNIGHT

AUG 24 JOHN C JO CRUZ U FREE FR EE

AUG 24 POWER UP COMEDY

AUG 30

WILLIE K &

THE WAREHOUSE BLUES BAND

10PM 10 PM • $10 $10

AUG 31

BENGALI, KOKOMON, PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE, SAM ITES 9PM 9P M • $$10 10

SATURDAY

AUGUST

A quartet of comedians from the hit TBS comedy show!

24 McCoy Studio Theater

7:30 PM The Sullivan & Son Comedy Tour features:

STEVE BYRNE The Tonight Show, Conan,The Byrne Identity: Comedy Central Special OWN BENJAMIN The Tonight Show, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents ROY WOOD JR. David Letterman,The Late Late Show,The Funny Spot with Tony Rock AHMED AHMED The Tonight Show, Axis Of Evil: Comedy Central, Iron Man

Mahalo to our sponsor:

TICKETS: CALL (808) 242-SHOW OR VISIT MAUIARTS.ORG Come out and see these four accomplished headliners together in one amazing show!

24 AUGUST 22, 2013

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/22

8/23

8/24

8/25

8/26-8/28

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Mel Arausa 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

WED - Karaoke Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

MON - Mark Smeltzer/ TUE- Cole Sulenta WED - Tracy Stiles, all 7pm; no cover

JAY’S PLACE

MON- Open Mic WED - Live Music, 10pm-close; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Kawika’s Krew 7pm; no cover

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

Maui Blues & Co. or Jarod 7pm; no cover

MON - Red Fish / TUE - Kihei Cowboys WED - Country Herb & Side Effects, 7pm

1810’ 8:15-10:15; no cover

Nuff Sedd 9pm; no cover

1810’ 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm

MON - Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (no covers)

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

Pool Tournament 7pm; no cover

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

MON - Trivia Night, 7pm / TUES - Catfish & Alex, 10pm / WED - Johnny Ringo, 4:30pm;

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE

Free Karaoke 2pm-2am; no cover

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

TUE - Johnny Ringo, 8-10pm; no cover

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA

WED - Free Karaoke, 2pm-2am; no cover

Salsa Dance w/ DJ 10pm; no cover

Ho‘aikane w/ Mele Pono 9:30pm; $15

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Trish da Dish Pub Quiz 9pm; no cover

Stay Eazy 7pm; no cover

Soul Kitchen 6:30pm; no cover

The Celtic Tigers 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - The Makai Jazz Group, 6:30pm / TUE - Mulligan’s Magic Show. 7-9pm/ WED - Willie K Dinner Show 7pm; $65

PARADISE GRILL (MELLOS)

70s, 80s 10pm-1am; no cover

Club Night w/ DJ Ron 10pm-1:30am; no cover

Matos <3Laced & Bass Nymph 9pm; $10 cover

Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

MON - Big John / TUE - Industry Night / WED - Paradise w/ DJ Irie Dole, 10pm; (no covers)

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

Mellos Bar, 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 662-3700

FREE HULA SHOW - 11am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com

Free popcorn. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

FAMILY MAGIC - All-ages comedy and magic with Lauro Castillio. Free. 11:30am. Lahaina Cannery Mall,(1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; ahainacannerymall.com

WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - The Shops at Wailea hosts their weekly arts and entertainment series, featuring a performance in the lower courtyard and a slew of shop-to-shop specials. Free / @ ShopsAtWailea on Twitter. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, (3750 Wailea Alanui); 808897-6770 ext. 2; theshopsatwailea.com

FAMILY SUNDAYS - Games, crafts, food and more! 12-2pm. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com

MONDAY, AUG 26 HULA PERFORMANCE - Original hipster style performance. Free. 10:30am. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

TUESDAY, AUG 27 FRANK DELIMA COMEDY SHOW AND BENEFIT - Share laughs at an evening of comedy, food, music and auction benefiting the Begario Family who lost their home in a fire last month.

Don’t miss the fun and anticipated Frank Delima Tutu look-alike contest! $55. 5:30-9pm. Binhi at Ani / Maui Filipino Community Center, (780 Onehe‘e Ave., Kahului); 808-244-1286 MIKE VICTORINO B-DAY BASH - Maui County Councilman Michael Victorino is celebrating 61 years with a community b-day bash. Eat Chicken Hekka and talk story with Victorino as he raises campaign funds. $15. 5:30pm. Velma McWayne Santos Community Center, (395 Waena Place, Wailuku); 808-242-6006; mauidemocrats.org SEA TURTLE TUESDAYS - Get a behind the scenes tour featuring the Honu, Hawaii’s Green Sea Turtles. Lunch and snacks included. $15+ admission. 11:30am. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com

WEDNESDAY, AUG 28 RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: ‘EDWARD SCISSORHANDS’ - It’s Early Tim Burton Movie Month and this week that means Edward Scissorhands.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm.; Thu, Adam Masterson 7:3010pm.; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm.; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm.; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm.; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm.; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina), 808-667-0988.

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Every Wed & Fri, Rock & Roll 4-10pm.; Thu, Classic Rock 4-10pm.; Sun, Classic Rock 4-10pm.; Mon, Jazz Rock 4-10pm.; Every Tue & Sat, Easy Listening 4-10pm. (811 Front St., Lahaina), 808-661-4855.

COOL CAT CAFE - Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:3010pm.; Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm.; Thu, Will Hartzag & TOLO 7:30-10pm.; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm.; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm.; Sun, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm.; Mon, Peter D 7:3010pm.; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, (658 Front St., Lahaina), 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm.; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm.; Wed, Kalapana 3-5pm.; Wed, Michael & Greig 6-8:30pm.; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm.; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm.; Fri, Damon and Tim 6-8:30pm.; Sat, Tim 3-5pm.; Every Sun & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm.; Sun, Dani Barerra 3-5pm.; Mon, Kealii Lum 3-5pm.; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali), 808-662-2900.

FIVE PALMS LAHAINA - Daily, Live Entertainment Nightly 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., La-

haina), 808-661-0937.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Sat, Dr. Nat 6:30pm.; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Happy Hour 3-6pm.; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Oyster Hour 5-6pm.; Sat, House Shakers 6:30-10:30pm.; Thu, John Grover Duo 6:30pm.

(744 Front St, Lahaina), 808-669-6425.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Sat, Evan Shulman 6-9pm.; Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina), 808-667-7400.

HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm.; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm.; Tue, Damon Parillo & Roy Kato 4pm.; Tue, Wili Pohaku 6:30pm.; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm.; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm.; Wed, Ernest Pua’a, Kamuela & Roy Kato 6:30pm.; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm.; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm.; Thu, Damon Parillo, Ron Heeton and Keali’i Parillo 6:30pm.; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm.; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm.; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho, Roy Kato & Mark D’Antonio 6:30pm.; Sat, Damon Parillo 1:30pm.; Sat, Danyel Alana, Derick Sebastian and Roy Kato 6:30pm.; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm.; Sun, Derick Sebastian, Ryan Tanaka and John Kahaiali’i 6:30pm.; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm.; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm.; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm.; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P), 808-667-6636.

JAPENGO AT THE HYATT REGENCY - Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:30-8:30pm.; Wed, Josh Sumbicay 6:30-8:30pm.; Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:308:30pm.; Fri, Elaine Ryan 6:30-8:30pm.; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm.; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm.; Mon, Margie Heart 6:30-8:30pm.

(200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali), 808-661-1234.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Wed, Tracy Stiles 7pm.; Every Sun, Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm.; Fri, Mel Arausa 7pm.; Mon, Mark Smeltzer 7pm.; Tue, Cole Suletna 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai), 808-667-0787.

KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm.; Sat, 1810 8-10pm.; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm.; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina), 808-661-4811.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm.; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm.; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:309:30pm.; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:309:30pm.(730 Front St., Lahaina), 808-661-0700.

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm.; Wed, Johnny Ringo 4:30-6:30pm.

(843 Wainee St., Lahaina), 808-667-6655.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm.; Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm.; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm.; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm.; Wed, Jarret & Josh 3-5pm. Whaler’s Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J), 808-661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali), 808-667-1200.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Far West Rock Trio 6-9pm.; Wed, Island Jams with Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina), 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm.; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm.; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua), 808-669-6400.

OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm.; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Ka’i Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali), 808-667-3200.

PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm. (6 Ka’i Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali), 8088-667-3200.

PARADISE GRILL - Wed, Gretchen 6-9pm.; Thu, Harry Troupe 6-9pm.; Fri, Gretchen 6-9pm.; Sat, Justin 6-9pm.; Sun, Deeson (Hawaiian Music) 6-9pm.; Mon, Marvin Taraga 6-9pm.; Tue, Johnny Ringo 6-9pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.), 808-662-3700.

AUGUST 22, 2013 25

Leon Russell will be doing a three Island tour of The Hawaiian Islands. Just off “The Union” tour with Elton John, and the Magic/Inspiration behind Joe Cocker with Delaney and Bonnie on the famous “Mad Dogs and Englishmen Tour” in the late 1960’s introducing the Mega Hit “Delta Lady”. Leon’s hits include “Back On The Island” “Hummingbird”, “Tight Rope” “A Song For You” “Roll Away The Stone” and “This Masquerade”.

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PARADISE GRILL 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 662-3700

Harry Troupe 6-9pm; no cover

Salsa Dance Party w/ Rafael, 10pm, $5 cover

Justin 6-9pm; no cover

Hawaiian Music w/ Deeson, 6-9pm; no cover

RB STEAKHOUSE

WED - Open Mic Night, 9:30pm; no cover

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina - 669-8889

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 446-6180

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Island Thursday w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Rob+Ron=R2 9pm-midnight; no cover

Natalie 9pm-midnight; no cover

Just Us 8:30pm; no cover

Andy Kaina & The Kaina Kountry Band 8:30pm; no cover

Ah-Tim 4pm; no cover

Ka‘ale & Mr. Kapu w/DJ Carone, 8pm; no cover

Power Up Comedy 10pm; $5 cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Jaime Gallo 9pm-1am; $3 cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm.; Fri, Brother Damien’s Ocean Beach Party 7:3010pm.; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm.; Wed, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.), 808-669-9600.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 6-9pm.; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm.; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina), 808-661-8881.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Kahana), 808-669-8889.

RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina), 808-661-8815.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm.; Every Sun & Sat, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm.; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Napili), 808-669-1500.

SHERATON MAUI RESORT AND SPA Daily, Live Dinner Music at The Cliff Dive Bar 6:30-8:30pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.), 808-661-0031.

THE CLIFF DIVE BAR - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:308pm.; Sat, Larry Golis & Hollis Lee 6:30-8pm.; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm.; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm. (2605 Ka’anapali Pkwy.), 808-662-8025.

UMALU - Fri, Craig Soderberg 6-8pm.; Sat, Kawika LumHo 6-8pm.; Thu, Josh Sumbicay 6-8pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali), 808-661-1234.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm.; Every Thu & Sat, Ken-

Live Music 10pm; no cover

DJ Money Mike, DJ Danny & DJ Slim.

10pm; no cover

SERINO’S KIHEI SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

MON - Marvin Taraga, 6-9pm / TUE - Johnny Ringo, 6-9pm / WED - Gretchen, 6-9pm

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

MON - DJ Big Mike / TUE - DJ Salvo / WED Ladies Night w/ DJ Decka (all sets 10pm)

Karaoke 4pm; no cover

WED - Free Pool, 8:30pm

TUES- Kimo, 4pm-6pm; no cover WED - Randall Rospond, 4pm-6pm; no cover, Le Gruv, 8:30pm; no cover

Salsa Night w/ Ernesto and Barbara, 8pm

WED - Blues with The House Shakers, 8:30pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

MON-TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles Night, 10pm (All sets no cover)

ny Roberts 5-8pm.; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm.; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. (300 Ma‘alaea Rd. #1M), 808-243-2286.

Kenny Roberts 6-9pm.; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm.; Tue, Mike and Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-874-6284.

CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone with Marcus Johnson 7-10pm.; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm.

(555 Kaukahi St., Wailea), 808-879-2224.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm.; Wed, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm.; Wed, Jarret & Wilson 7-9pm.; Thu, Tom Cherry 4-6pm.; Thu, Tom & Mark 7-9pm.; Fri, Wolf 4-6pm.; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm.; Fri, Alika 7-9pm.; Sat, Randall Rospond 4-6pm.; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm.; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 4-6pm.; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm.; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm.; Mon, Tarvin Makia 7-9pm.; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201), 808-891-2322.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. # 314), 808-874-9299.

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Sat, Jordan T. 6pm.

(1913 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-875-9669.

GANNON’S A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm.; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.), 808-875-8080.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Dominic 4-8pm.; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm.; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E), 808-891-8010.

JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Pi‘ikea Ave., Kihei), 808-875-9464.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.; Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm.; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm.; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm.; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm.; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm.; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm.

(2259 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-891-8860.

KONO’S ON THE GREEN - Sun, Softer Side of Soul with Omar and Friends 4-7pm. (550 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei), 808-633-4220.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Fri, Glen Kakugawa 6-9:30pm.; Sat, Deason Baybayan 6-9:30pm.; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm.; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm.; Every Tue & Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm.

(5400 Makena Alanui), 808-875-5888.

MAUI COAST HOTEL - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.; Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm.; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm.; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm.; Sun,

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Wed, Willie K. 7-9pm.; Tue, Mulligan’s Magic Show 7-9pm.; Thu, Willie K. 7-9pm.; Fri, Stay Eazy 7-9pm.; Sat, Soul Kitchen 6-8:30pm.; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm.; Mon, The Makai Jazz Group 6:30-8:30pm.; Wed, Joel Katz 5:30-6:30pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea), 808-874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Mon, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm.; Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:307:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza), 808-879-7177.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm.; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm.; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm.; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. Kihei Kalama Village, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm.; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm.; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm.; Sat, Vince Esquire & Kaulana 4-6pm.; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm.; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm.; Tue, Kimo 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201), 808-874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Wed, Sebrina Barron 6:308:30pm.; Thu, Open Mic Night w/ Artie Parti 6:308:30pm.; Fri, Ellis Ayres 6:30-8:30pm.; Sat, Joshua on Maui 6:30-8:30pm.; Mon, Reggae w/ Ras Shaggai 6:30-8:30pm.; Tue, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm.

(2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112), 808-875-2910.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Fri, Louise Lambert Jazz Trio 7:30-10:30pm.; Wed, Blues with the House Shakers 8:30-10:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm.; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm.; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm.; Wed, Merv Oana 5:30-9:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.), 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Live Music 4-6pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku), 808-495-0259.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI BULLY’S BURGERS - Sun, Open Mic Sundays 3-7pm.; Sun, Live Music 2-6pm. (15900 Pi‘ilani Hwy, Kanaio), 808-878-3272.

CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:308:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia), 808-579-6323.

CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Wed, Evan Dove & Friends 6:30-8:30pm.; Thu, Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:30-8:30pm.; Mon, Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm.; Tue, Howard Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia), 808-579-8085.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - Thu, Randall Rospond 5:30-8pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia), 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Thu, Ulumalu Jazz Trio 6-9pm.; Fri, Steve Sargenti and Swiss 6-9pm.; Sat, Tradwinds 6-9pm.; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm.; Wed, Betz and Adam with Vince Esquire 6:30-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.), 808-575-2661.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Thu, Miss Meaghan Owens 6:30-8:30pm.; Tue, Richard Dancil Hawaiian Music 6-8pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia), 808-579-9999.

NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm.; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm.

(824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku), 808-575-2770.

PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am (43 Hana Hwy., Paia), 808-579-3111.

AUGUST 22, 2013 27

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28 AUGUST 22, 2013

*8 week minimum, black & white. Add $10 for full color

By Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Partying is for other signs. The focus of your birthday month, unfortunately, is work, not fun. Tragically, the universe channels mostly tough love for you Virgos.

Hey, don’t nag (or stab) the messenger; I’ll applaud you if you say, “Screw it,” take off for Cancun, and spend your savings on pina coladas. However, I doubt your ambitious goals will allow such a happy jaunt.

They require a shitload of hard labor, and the cold fact is you’ll have an easier time accomplishing said labors while the Sun is coursing through your sign than during any other big block of time all year. Blow it off if you want. Woohoo! But if I were you I’d punctuate my toil with a glee-filled reckless night or two, but mostly concentrate on getting shit done, when it’ll take half as much time and effort as it would later.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Tiptoe. The only way you’re going to get where you’re going right now is through guile and stealth.

All the beasts and monsters guarding the prize have been nearly awakened by your recent clumsiness; they’re more alert and violent than ever before.

Absolute silence and patience are all that will get you past those lightly sleeping dragons. Therefore, strip off the clanking armor you’ve been wearing and leave your arsenal of cumbersome weapons behind.

They won’t do you much good in the labyrinth you’re entering; if the dragon awakens, you’re cooked.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Eudaemonia, in Aristotelian philosophy, is described as a state of happiness derived from a life of activity governed by reason. Let’s face it; you’re not the most logic-driven person. You’re not even a Vulcan-identified Trekkie. But try to (temporarily) replace the emotion-guided rudder that’s steering your ship with one powered by rational intelligence. Cool thought will serve you better for the foreseeable future than even your renowned intuition ever could. It may be difficult to make the switch, but for a week it won’t kill you to be guided by this rule: whenever they conflict, brain trumps gut.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) Mail-order brides do not make good gifts. You know that now. I hope you’ve also learned to not shove any of your other quick-fix solutions onto anyone else, even if you’re still willing to occasionally attempt them for your own problems. Since virtually none of the quandaries you’re doomed to encounter this week can be solved with a one-step resolution, don’t waste your time trying— you’ll invariably complicate and intensify the situations that way. Forget shortcuts. Instead, consider the very real probability that these destinations can only be approached by the scenic route, and go that way.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Don’t wait until you’re backed to the wall. Right now you have choices, albeit difficult ones. As thorny as your current options seem, let me assure you that you don’t want to get to the point when you have none left. You’re loath to face the hungry tigers or stinking vats of shit behind Doors One and Two, but they’re not going anywhere. Door Three’s positioned just out of sight behind one (or perhaps both) of the doors in front of you, but you’ll never see the happier reality glimmering behind it until you wade through the crap and claws between here and there.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Dairy industry hardliners have a solution for those people who “claim” to be lactose-intolerant: drink more milk.

Since you’ll be deluged with advice like that this week, learn to see through the motivations behind it, which have more to do with sinister ulterior motives than your own best interests. Your emotional allergies can’t be resolved by overloading them any more than a body can be taught how to break down milk sugars. Instead, find saner solutions that won’t have you cramped and shitting for hours. For instance, many people who can’t digest cow-milk based products can happily assimilate stuff crafted from goat’s milk (which is lower in lactose).

Find your own enjoyable alternative.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) You’ve fallen prey, in the past, to a classic Piscean

trap: Many of the buffers and safe zones you create for your own psychological safety ultimately result in trapping and suppressing you, instead of keeping the harshness of the world out. In other words, they’re more prisons than havens. Passively absorbing society’s programming has made you less wise or courageous about money, love, stability, and responsibility than you’d otherwise have been. It’s time to correct that. It may be harder to weed out all the shitty ideas and thorn walls that have taken root than it would have been to prevent them from being planted in the first place, but it must be done, nevertheless.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Integrative medicine, which utilizes a combination of Western medical techniques and a myriad of so-called “alternative” therapies, like acupuncture, homeopathy, and lifestyle changes, is fundamentally different than typical Western medical practice. It recognizes each individual as different, requiring unique treatments, and treats the doctor-patient relationship as a partnership, whereas traditional doctors treat symptoms, not patients, and consider themselves unassailable authorities and patients merely passive recipients of the drugs they prescribe. Being a natural healer (and yes, destroyer; they go hand in hand), you’ve long known that the same problem can and should be solved different ways by different people. Now recognize that your crisis won’t respond to traditional treatment. Come up with your own way to cure yourself. You can.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions from page 4

1: D–292,079 2: B–“Very likely” 3: C–$31.2 million

THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO ILLUSTRATE A MAUITIME COVER? Issue 06 ✚ FREE July 26, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚

August 16, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 09 ✚ FRE FREE E

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THE DARK KNIGHT

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) It’s all about preventive medicine. You have the power to wield spiritual prophylactics more effective than condoms. I’d strongly advise that you do so. The alternative is almost certainly contracting an unpleasant malaise or ennui that would be tougher to shake than syphilis. I’d rather not see anything so dull cut into the fun you’re supposed to be having, so party safely, Taurus. Don’t rely on luck, morningafter pills, or the divine grace of your good karma.

They simply can’t be counted on right now. In other words, stick to this rule of thumb: Before you stick your head or heart into anything this week, wrap it.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) The proof of (and validation for) your dependability has endowed you with more self-confidence than ever before. You’ve really got your shit together; so much so that you’re more open to adopting a new pet or conceiving a child than you’d previously been. There’s no question whether you can hack the added pressure and responsibility. You’re solid. But recognize that your ability to carry that burden is independent of your desire, which could very well change in a month, year, or decade. If you have any doubts at all about taking that on, get yourself a goldfish, not a golden retriever.

Inside this weekend’s free second

annual Lanai Slack Key Festival

We are always looking for talented local artists to help create select cover designs throughout the year.

Email your design samples to:

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CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) The bucket of water completely dissolved the old witch like brown sugar, just as you’d been told. What you weren’t informed of, before you doused Her Wickedness with ice-cold water, is that you’d be asked to take over her job. Oops. You thought you were in charge of vanquishing, not replacing. There’s not much you can do about that now. Still, I can’t help thinking that things worked out for the best. Prove me right: You got rid of some form of incarnated evil in your life and were granted their role as your “reward.”

Don’t just tackle the job; do it better, with no more than half as much iniquity, since you can.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Quit your job. That’s right. Take a leap of faith. The damn thing isn’t fulfilling you, and the financial rewards aren’t worth what it’s costing your soul. Leos should be proud and free, not burdened with thousands of niggling obligations. The way to do right by yourself is to figure out a way to do what you really want, and live off it. Poor and emancipated is better than enslaved and rich; believe me, I know. It’s okay if you don’t quit today, or tomorrow. Leaps of faith can be planned; they can be smart. But eventually (and sooner is mostly better than later), you just have to jump.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com.

AUGUST 22, 2013 29

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