16.11 Get A Job, August 30, 2012, Volume 16, Issue 11, MauiTime

August 30, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 11 ✚ FRE FREE

HARD LABOR

Filmmaker Brian Kohne talks about the work that went into Get A Job: The Movie

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2012

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Contents VOLUME 16 + ISSUE 11

Hawaii Solar & Wind, LLC

ON THE COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s your dream job?

August 30, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 11 ✚ F R E E

Illustration created

by Scott Johnson of Dogtowne Design in Wailuku. Cover design

by Darris Hurst.

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Leading a small tech team to change the world Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Curmudgeon

HARD LABOR

Filmmaker Brian Kohne talks about the work that went into Get A Job: The Movie

Food, Drink, Lifestyle, & Business News Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Trophy wife Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Professional Disc Golfer Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia (Spotter for Chuck Norris) Christina Tarleton Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Traveling the globe, taking photos Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Kill machine operator Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Whatever it is that Kim Kardashian does

4 10 13 17 19 20 21 22 23 28 29 31

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1.

According to an Aug. 25 Maui News story, every year Haleakala National Park loses approximately one nene and two Hawaiian petrels–both species of which are endangered– to vehicle strikes. But in the last six weeks, the rate of death has been very different. How many of these rare birds have been killed by motor vehicles in that time?

A. Three petrels and two nenes.

B. Two petrels and one nene.

C. One petrel and two nenes.

D. One petrel and one nene.

E. No petrels and two nenes.

2. Hawaii has 2,501 companies in the “professional services” sector (lawyers, advertising executives, sci-

A. $105,400.

B. $94,200.

C. $80,900.

D. $69,600.

E. $52,800.

3.

On Saturday, Aug. 18, a group of hunters found a strange object on the ground near the Waiohuli Hawaiian Homes subdivision in Kula. According to an Aug. 24 Maui News story, what was the object?

A. An ancient koa wood club used by Hawaiian warriors.

B. A rare Elvis Presley record.

C. A 2001 Hyundai Elantra.

D. A 50-year-old child’s skull.

E. Mufi Hannemann’s political future.

See answers, page 29

Candidate!

Election Time

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO GETS CAMPAIGN DONATIONS FROM: Developer/former Maui Weekly owner Joe Sugarman, Maui County Republican Party, Alexander & Baldwin PAC, developer Dorvin Leis

GEORGE R. FONTAINE RUNNING FOR: State Representative, District 11 (Kihei, Wailea, Makena) RUNNING AGAINST: Kaniela Ing BIRTHPLACE: Los Angeles, CA PROFESSION: Incumbent (his official bio lists him as an “energy consultant”) ELECTORAL WIN/LOSS RECORD: 1/1 FIRST ELECTORAL VICTORY: 2010 SUPPORTS: Kihei High School, a memorial for law enforcement OPPOSES: Raising the General Excise Tax, gambling, schoolyard bullying

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AUGUST 30, 2012

George R. Fontaine is just one of eight Republican members of the House, which we figure makes his job as House minority whip fairly easy. He’s a former Maui Police captain, which makes his endorsement from the powerful State of Hawaii Organization of Police Officers (SHOPO) union easy to understand. As for his effectiveness, his website (Fontaine4maui.com) lists five bills that Fontaine co-sponsored, the biggest of which was HB 491, which “Directed the Department of Public Safety to pursue professional accreditation of the State Sherriff [sic] Division,” though the ex-cop Fontaine couldn’t spell “sheriff” correctly. Then there are stories like one in the Aug. 26 Maui News on Makena that make us question his effectiveness.

Headlined “Improvements could be in store for Makena State Park,” the story detailed how the state would update the park’s master plan–something that hasn’t been done in 35 years because the state’s Park Division gets only $3.3 million each year. Fontaine was apparently shocked at the funding figure. “I certainly will request funding,” Fontaine told The Maui News. “I did not realize the funding had dropped to that level.”

News & Views

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

KIHEI MEGA-MALLS PUT ON HOLD Looks like South Maui may have to wait a bit longer for those mega-malls that soooo many residents are demanding. Wait, did I say demanding? Yeah, I meant denouncing.

It’s funny: Kihei is nothing but strip malls and condominiums along the coast, and there’s vacant commercial space all over the island, but South Maui residents have really banded together to fight Irvine-based Eclipse Development Group’s Maui Outlets and Pi‘ilani Promenade proposals that would bring many thousands of square feet of commercial development to the dry forest land mauka of Pi‘ilani Highway. And it looks like the state Land Use Commission (LUC)–which typically approves the zoning for all the projects that come before it and, in this case, was asked whether the proposal’s “light industrial” zoning does, in fact, including mega malls–is standing with the project’s opposition by asking for a new hearing on the matter.

No Mega Mall?

“The LUC found by unanimous vote (6-0 with three members absent) that there is reasonable cause to believe that Pi‘ilani Promenade North (the Outlet stores), Pi‘ilani South (the shopping center) and Honua‘ula Partners (Wailea 670’s 250 workforce housing) are not developing the 88 acre Kaonoulu Ranch property in substantial compliance with the 1995 Order issued by the LUC,” reported Maui Tomorrow Executive Director Irene Bowie, who attended an Aug. 24 hearing on the matter. “The Commissioners also noted that the property owners have not filed a timely annual status report with the LUC this calendar year.”

For Bowie, and the projects’ growing opposition, this was welcome news.

“This represents a huge step forward in our case,” she emailed me on Aug. 27.

“Next, a status conference will be held in

early September to set a date for a contested hearing. At that hearing, the property owners will be ordered to show how their proposed Mega Malls and workforce housing is substantially similar to the 123 lot light industrial park proposed by Kaonoulu Ranch in 1994, and answer for the fact that the development lacks a frontage or connector roads as ordered by the Commission.”

ANOTHER REPUBLICAN JOINS HIRONO’S TEAM First, it was Alaska Republican Congressman Don Young, who’s been in the U.S. House of Representatives since Richard Nixon was president. He endorsed 2nd District Congress Member Mazie Hirono during the Senate primary race to see which Democrat would face off against Republican Linda Lingle (who, though facing four other challengers, was widely seen to have the race locked up.

Young and Hirono cut a cute television spot together of them sitting side by side like they were friends and it mostly just slashed to pieces fellow Democratic Senate candidate Ed Case’s contention that Hirono was too lefty to be effective in the Senate. Case’s operative Caleb Rowe argued in a recent letter to MauiTime that Young’s endorsement was most likely just for the primary and had nothing to do with the general election, which, while possibly true, did nothing to diminish the power of watching Republican and Democratic members of the House sit together and praise each other.

Anyway, Hirono ended up cleaning Case’s clock and is now squared off against Lingle, who won her party’s nomination with 90 percent of the vote. Usually what happens in matters like these is that the respective parties hold “unity” meals after the results come in, and all the candidates kiss and make up. That apparently didn’t happen in the Hawaii Republican Party, because today, John Carroll, who ran against Lingle for the nomination, endorsed Hirono.

Here’s Carroll–who is extremely conservative, mind you–quoted in a press release

Just another tear-down

from his campaign that was forwarded to me by one of Hirono’s campaign aides: “I believe that Ms. Lingle is a clear and present danger to the economic and political health of this beloved State of Hawaii. Given her record as Hawaii’s Republican Party Chair from 1999-2002, she only helped to elect one Republican State Senator out of 25 and eight Republican State Representatives out of 51, which is simply abysmal. Her accomplishments and failures as Governor are equally depressing.”

Damn! Of course, Carroll’s endorsement really doesn’t bring much more than novelty, since he only won 2,900 votes in the primary contest (Lingle, by contrast, won over 44,000).

“Yeah, I was so stoked on having my new board that when I got to the beach I realized I’d forgotten my fins.”

Kapuka‘ulua–“the ‘ulua fishing hole”) in Paia. Moving the solidly-constructed house was apparently prohibitively expensive, so the council says it has to go.

Their reason for ordering the demolition of the house, which has stood vacant for a decade, was simple, according to an Aug. 23 Maui News story: the house should never have been built in the first place, so the only legal recourse was to get rid of it. This is true, but exemplifies the county’s lack of imagination.

Back in 2007, then-former Maui County Environmental Coordinator Rob Parsons wrote a column for MauiTime asking the county to save the house: “I spent much of last year as Mayor Alan Arakawa’s Environmental Coordinator, garnering support for the idea of adapting the existing structure as the Maui County Environmental Resource Center,” he wrote in our Nov. 29, 2007 issue. “We developed plans, discussed obstacles and, with volunteers, helped tend the house and yard on several Kokua Clean Up days. More than 30 written testimonies were delivered to the County Council.”

There were hopes that once Arakawa (and Parsons) got back into office, that the county might be able to build exactly that resource center, which would have been the focal point of an impressive beach park. But according to Parsons, who is once again Maui County Environmental Coordinator, that just wasn’t to be.

In the meantime, the nearby rock revetment that once stood in front of Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar’s Lime Kiln building remains in place. In his column five years ago, Parsons said that wall was causing serious beach erosion, and apparently nothing has changed since–except that the erosion seems to have gotten worse. ■

-Guy at Azeka Makai in Kihei, Aug. 24

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

ACTUALLY, IT’S CALLED KAPUKA‘ULUA We seem to be at the end of an era. But on Tuesday, Aug. 21, the Maui County Council voted 7-0 (Joe Pontanilla and Elle Cochran were absent) to demolish the structure popularly known as the Montana Beach House (the Hawaiian place name is

Overheard

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AUGUST 30, 2012

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News & Views

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

LOCKS OF LOVE Teen years are bad enough, but try being a young person struck with hair loss due to medical treatments. It’s devastating.

Thankfully, Locks of Love is coming to the rescue for these youth by providing hairpieces to those who can’t otherwise afford them. This Saturday, Sisters & Co. Boutique and Salon will hold a Locks of Love benefit by offering free haircuts for those willing to chop off 10 inches or more and donate it.

“The ‘Locks of Love’ program has such a tangible, positive impact on these kids,” said Bob Dye, general manager of The Shops at Wailea and Maui chairperson for the CBRE Cares program. “We applaud Sisters & Co. and the CBRE Cares family for volunteering their time and resources to host this event, and appreciate the many other merchants and community members who have rallied to support this cause.”

Even if you don’t have 10 inches of hair to donate, you can still participate.

Sisters & Co. are offering a haircut, shampoo and blow dry for a minimum

donation of $10. They will also have other services like a hand/arm massage and nail polish change, also for a minimum donation of $10. Tommy Bahama Restaurant and Bar will provide food and there will be a silent auction. One hundred percent of the money raised at the event will go to Locks of Love.

Call Sister’s & Co. Boutique and Salon at 808-874-0003 to schedule an appointment.

UPCOMING SPCA MAUI CLINIC Even one unspayed or unneutered kitty can multiply quickly. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) wants to help anyone who needs assistance with spaying and neutering cats at their upcoming clinic on Sept. 9. Drop off begins at 8am and goes through 10am; pick-up times will be scheduled 1-4pm.

“All Maui cats welcome: pet, community or feral and as with SPCA Maui’s SNAP program, clients are asked to pay what they can” says SPCA Maui’s Peter Tierney.

Naomi Okazaki of SPCA Maui accepts pet donations from BethAnn McVicker.

WILL KAMA‘AINA LOAN GET ITS OWN REALITY SHOW? Want a cameo in a reality show? The growing popularity of The History Channel’s pawn shows like Pawn Stars, a reality show filmed in Las Vegas, is spurring on new shows. In fact, Bob McCullough is sending a production team this Sept. 6 and 7 to film at Kama’aina Loan Cash for Gold pawn shops on Market Street in Wailuku for a new show concept.

Owner Richard Dan is asking folks to “come on down and help publicize Maui and get yourself on TV. Drop by during business hours from 9 am to 6 pm either day, and bring in your most interesting, unique or outrageous item to have a Kama’aina Loan professional assess it for pawn or sale. And, on Friday, stick around for First Friday!”

The show is still in infancy stages but McCullough, who appeared on two episodes of History Channel’s SOLD! is planning a show that involves “seven pawn shops across the country to be featured, in a weekly series with three shops in each weekly episode.” McCullough is also a pawn shop owner.

According to Harry Eager, who used to report for The Maui News and now functions as a kind of in-house Kamaaina Loan spokesperson, “The Pawn Stories production company, which is based in Illinois and has been doing this type of show for two years now, will have two or three cameramen stationed at the pawnshop (or at the 98 and 42 N. Market retail stores, if the action there is better) shooting whatever happens. Total reality TV. No scripts.”

NEW MAUI ARTIST WEB DIRECTORY PHOTO BY JOHN HENRY

artist web directory at MauiArtistDirectory.com, which features about 200 artists and 10 galleries on Maui. His goal is to join art seekers with some of the island’s best artists. Local galleries also have a presence on the site.

“MAD was born out a common need to promote a book [Moon over Maui] I will release next year about the Maui art industry and the need for artists to promote themselves,” says Taylor. “The focus has been on rallying independent artists and not galleries. Little effort has been spent on recruiting gallery support outside of the realm of the independent smaller galleries, though that will change with this launch of the directory.”

Taylor says the galleries’ initial concerns were that their artists might list themselves with MAD and circumvent sales through the gallery. But Taylor says the artists still

Lawrence Taylor launched a new

PHOTO COURTESY OF TARYN ALESSANDRO

PHOTO BY AIR FORCE SGT. MICHAEL HOLZWORTH

Just a little off the top

Visiting Oahu Veterinarian Dr. Celina Hatt will be performing the surgeries.

All cats will be tattooed for identification. Maui SPCA volunteers and staff will work in assembly line stations for examination, sedation and pre-surgical prep.

Feral cats will receive a notch in the ear for identification as well.

The Maui SPCA predicts they can reduce future cat population by as many as 932,000 cats with this eight-hour clinic. Their goal is to have “no more homeless pets” on Maui and stop the killing of companion animals as a means of population control.

To reserve a space, get info on humane traps and trapping, volunteer or help fund this clinic or learn more about SPCA Maui’s Spay/Neuter Assistance program for dogs and cats, contact SPCA Maui at 808-2800738, on the web at spcamaui.org or email info@spcamaui.org.

Artist Taryn Allesandro

want galleries to promote and sell their art so that they can focus on creating art. “We will not solicit any known gallery artist,” Taylor insists, and MAD's policy only allows for an artist to be listed once on the site (gallery and artist cannot list the same artist at the same time).

The site hopes to gain a listing for every single artist and gallery on the island. Taylor estimates that there are about 4,000 artists and about 90 galleries on Maui. Maui Artist Directory has a new artist of the week that gets the headline position on its site.

Some artists and galleries pay to get listed as a “featured” location on the site as well, but the basic artist and gallery listings are free. To be a featured artist costs $75 per year and featured galleries run $195 a year. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611n2

AUGUST 30, 2012

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News & Views

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

Saturday Nights 8:30pm - 12am

MORE THAN UNUSUAL CUISINE Periodically, News of the Weird reports on foreigners’ cuisines that most Americans find “undelectable.” A June Wall Street Journal story featured a hardy, fun-loving group of New Yorkers (the “Innard Circle”) who dine monthly at out-of-the-way ethnic restaurants in order to sample such dishes as camel’s eyeball (“way different from a goat’s eyeball,” said one member) and “crispy colorectal,” and had recently learned, from a non-Englishspeaking waitress, that they had just consumed bull’s diaphragm. Another member admitted “an element of showing off” to the exercise, and acknowledged that not all rookie members return for a second meal. The one body part that no one seems to recall having tried yet: uterus.

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The way it usually happens is Mom and Dad start a road trip with their children, but after a rest stop, they fail to notice that one of the kids is not on board, and they may be well down the road before they turn around.

However, in June, the family member left behind at a Memphis, Tenn., rest stop was Dad, and for 100 miles, no one grasped that he was missing. The family was traveling in a van, and everyone presumed Dad was in the back. He was still at the gas station, calling his own phone (which was in the back of the van). Dad finally reached Mom in the van by posting to Facebook.

ANOTHER FORTUITOUS INJURY Fortunately, nine-year-old Jacob Holdaway got hit in the head so hard during a

game of kickball in Fairland, Ind., in July that he started vomiting and having severe headaches. Because his parents took him to a hospital for that head smack, doctors found a golfball-sized tumor that might not have been discovered until after it had become dangerously large. Doctors were able to remove most of it and suspect it was benign.

JESUS WAS JAPANESE, RIGHT? Attendance is still strong in tiny Shingo, Japan, where villagers are certain that Jesus Christ is buried. About 500 tourists joined the celebration on June 3 (an event first held in 1964), in honor of Jesus’ relocation there (presumably a voluntary journey from Calvary after the crucifixion).

According to legend, he lived out his life in Shingo uneventfully, and a festival with dancing girls marks the anniversary.

ARE DRUNK COWS BETTER THAN HAPPY COWS? News of the Weird has reported several times on farmers who are certain that treating their cows to better lifestyles improves the quality of their milk and their meat. In July, London’s Daily Telegraph, in a dispatch from Paris, touted Jean-Charles Tastavy’s experiment feeding three cows with a fine wine for four months (in a mixture, along with their usual barley and hay). (They “loved” it and consumed it “with relish,” said the farm’s owner.) The resulting meat, labeled “Vinbovin,” is now a delicacy in Paris restaurants (despite steeper prices to reflect the increased feeding costs for the cows). ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611n3

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Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

T

o the restaurateur: You’re not a very good employer. Take, for example, one of the several times you didn’t pay your staff on time. And the dishwasher cried because he didn’t have any money. How do I know? You told us at pre-shift. And you laughed. Or when you had employee times adjusted, and lied to the Department of Labor about it. You have events and call them “benefits” so you will have a fresh pool of women to grope and to give yourself an opportunity to demean your staff publicly. But you don’t need to throw a benefit to do that; you belittled a culinary student in front of a crowd at a public event, so clearly, the venue isn’t an issue. Stop charging your neighbors for ice and black pepper and pay attention to your wedding parties that you screw up and haven’t once apologized to. So much for ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen. ■

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HARD LABOR

Filmmaker Brian Kohne talks about the work that went into Get A Job: The Movie

By Anthony Pignataro Since then the movie has played on other Hawaiian islands as well as various Mainland film festivals, where it’s won award after award.

In response to audience feedback, Kohne has also made a few edits to the film and ended up cutting a few Filmmaker Brian Kohne minutes from its running time. The resulting film will n honor of Labor Day, which goes play again this Friday, Aug. 31, at the Iao down Monday, Sept. 3, I’d like to Theater in Wailuku before proceeding to start off with a bit of heresy: the 1999 movie Office Space, directed proper distribution and, eventually, cable and DVD release.

by Mike Judge and starring Ron On Aug. 23, I sat down with Kohne at Livingston, Jennifer Aniston and Wailuku Coffee Company to talk about Gary Cole, which has since passed into labor, the movie and just how much work our pop culture world as a kind of classic it took to get the film produced. touchstone that sums up all of our pentMAUITIME: Thanks for sitting down MAUITIME up insecurities and hates about the state of with me. So what’s it like working as an labor in America in wonderful, endlessly independent filmmaker? quotable glory, actually kind of sucked.

Sure, the movie was funny, and had BRIAN KOHNE: As an independent some good acting, and I still to this day filmmaker, I have great freedom. I have the laugh over that scene where the guys beat freedom to determine which 20 hours of the guts out of that printer in the field, the day I would work. Get a Job took a but the movie ended up rejecting its own solid year of writing. I isolated myself in premise. It starts of with Peter declaring Kula and just banged away. that he wanted to live in a world without MT: How long have you been working work and just “do nothing.” That was it. on the film?

No more work for him. It was, in the last BK: It’ll be four years come November. days of the 20th century, the ultimate rebellion against society. But then the MT: Why so long? movie ended with him exchanging his BK: In film school they teach you to white color computer screen for a blue make a movie three times. You write it, collar shovel, apparently finding happiness in manual labor that had eluded him produce it and edit it. But in today’s times, an independent auteur makes it four in software development. times. Marketing is equally important and “The cynicism of multimillionaires like integral to each and every process and it’s Mike Judge and Jennifer Aniston telling us as time-consuming as any of the other to find happiness with a shovel is monprocesses. strous,” English professor Curtis White wrote in his 2007 book The Spirit of DisMT: Please describe how all this works. obedience. “All of the trust generated early BK: When you’re writing, you work in the film through damning depictions in isolation. But when you move into of work go spiraling away in disgust. The production you’re now working with only answer the film provides to its big hundreds and hundreds of personalities, question, ‘What should we do about alienin addition to the fictional characters. Then ation in work?’ is ‘Nothing–give up; find a when you start editing, you go back into way to conform.’” isolation.

Of course, Office Space isn’t the only MT: Wait–you edited this movie yourmovie that ever addressed the problems of self? Isn’t that unusual? Isn’t the whole labor in society. Two years ago, the comedy point of hiring an editor to bring in an Get a Job, a very local examination of work outside set of eyes to bring a fresh perand conformity that was written, produced spective to the film? and directed by Baldwin High graduate Brian Kohne and starred Willie K, Eric Gilliom BK: It is unusual, and I’d advise against and Kathy Collins, premiered on Maui. In it. But our budget meant I had to take that the film, Merton (Gilliom) is a slacker who on. Also, editors can be brilliant, but that finds he must conform to society’s mandate doesn’t mean they can convey what needs that he work, so ends up getting help from a to be said. This humor is very unique–I’ve job counselor (Willie K). worked on it for seven years. Local humor

I

is typically very local.

MT: What was the budget?

MT: In other words, what’s funny to us here in Hawaii isn’t necessarily funny to people elsewhere.

BK: Two hundred thousand.

BK: Right. Eric, Willie and I have been working on these comedic principles for the past seven years. Kathy Collins as well played a big role. [But] as an editor, I was able to find and showcase what was funny about our material. Could somebody have done better? Probably, but I knew I did my best. My goal though is to have an editor.

MT: I was taught that comedic writing–making someone laugh–is the toughest writing out there. If you can do that, then you’re the best.

BK: For me, that’s been easy, but everything else I’ve had to do was hard.

MT: Why tell this particular story in Get a Job ?

BK: The characters and dynamics are the result of the Barefoot Natives collaboration. As for the story, I was on the Mainland, wondering if I should come home.

This was four years ago. The workforce on the Mainland was crumbling. I applied for a lot of jobs over there, and wasn’t even getting a nibble. I reasoned that it would be easier to make a feature film called Get a Job than it would be to actually find a job. It’s probably true.

I struggle to tell people what my film is about, but that whole process of finding a job–filling out applications, interviewing, having to sell yourself–is humiliating. I feel for those people. It comes through in Willie K’s character.

Now Merton has never worked, but he goes from boy to man in one week while trying to find a job. And he comes to a very profound conclusion.

MT: So how would you characterize the comedy in Get a Job? BK: You know, the English view screwball comedy as an intellectual pursuit. So I’m happy having what’s been called a “ dumb comedy” that has more under its hood than people give it credit for. People like this film more the second and third times that they watch it.

MT: Why is that?

BK: Comedy is rhythm. We cut stuff out.

Up until now, the first draft had elements that were jarring. I think I addressed them.

The pace, too: the movie moves so fast that people miss stuff. It’s a tightly woven story, and the first time you see it you’re not aware of the set-ups. This movie gyrates in the realm of the ridiculous and the fantastic. It’s also a farce, which requires a big cast and many locations–the complete opposite of the budget I had.

We pulled it off, but we got lucky.

Close to 300 people appear in the film in 35 locations.

MT: That’s it?! So what’s it really about then?

BK: Get a Job is a step in the direction of a self-sustaining film industry in Hawaii where we can tell our own stories. I consider it Hawaii’s first major motion picture comedy.

MT: Earlier, you mentioned that the fourth part of your job was marketing.

What was that about?

BK: Marketing is a skill-set most indies don’t have. I would love to have spent the last 18 months making my next movie, but I couldn’t because I want to maximize the potential reach of this film. We’re fighting against the perception that local movies suck.

Taking this screenplay to the end requires isolation and getting kicked in the balls.

MT: Sounds wonderful. Have you always wanted to do this for a living?

BK: Yes. When I was at Baldwin High I made Super 8 movies. In college I worked in sports journalism. I’ve worked in television, film; I was a music producer [of the Barefoot Natives, which includes Willie K and Eric Gilliom]. I’ve done sales and marketing in Silicon Valley. They were all important. I hate working in a cubicle. But because of the depth of my experience, I’m able to do all four elements of the film.

I’m very passionate about home and culture. I want people who’ve learned these skills to come home and live here.

Movies are the most powerful art form invented by man.

And the indigenous movie industry here needs help. The way people can help is by supporting local filmmaking–even when the movie sucks. By doing so, you’re helping us turn the corner and become better producers, better writers.

MT: What’s your next movie?

BK: It’s called Brother’s Kuleana. It’s a thriller set in 1976. It’s heavy, but still a comedy–I can’t help myself. I’ve worked on it for seven years, but I’m not going into production until it’s smoking. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611L

GET A JOB : THE MOVIE Screens at Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku) on Aug. 31 and Sept. 1, 2, 7, 8.

Tickets: $10 For more information visit: GetAJobMovie.com or Facebook.com/GetAJobMovie

AUGUST 30, 2012

11

HARD LABOR

Filmmaker Brian Kohne talks about the work that went into Get A Job: The Movie

By Anthony Pignataro Since then the movie has played on other Hawaiian islands as well as various Mainland film festivals, where it’s won award after award.

In response to audience feedback, Kohne has also made a few edits to the film and ended up cutting a few Filmmaker Brian Kohne minutes from its running time. The resulting film will n honor of Labor Day, which goes play again this Friday, Aug. 31, at the Iao down Monday, Sept. 3, I’d like to Theater in Wailuku before proceeding to start off with a bit of heresy: the 1999 movie Office Space, directed proper distribution and, eventually, cable and DVD release.

by Mike Judge and starring Ron On Aug. 23, I sat down with Kohne at Livingston, Jennifer Aniston and Wailuku Coffee Company to talk about Gary Cole, which has since passed into labor, the movie and just how much work our pop culture world as a kind of classic it took to get the film produced. touchstone that sums up all of our pentMAUITIME: Thanks for sitting down MAUITIME up insecurities and hates about the state of with me. So what’s it like working as an labor in America in wonderful, endlessly independent filmmaker? quotable glory, actually kind of sucked.

Sure, the movie was funny, and had BRIAN KOHNE: As an independent some good acting, and I still to this day filmmaker, I have great freedom. I have the laugh over that scene where the guys beat freedom to determine which 20 hours of the guts out of that printer in the field, the day I would work. Get a Job took a but the movie ended up rejecting its own solid year of writing. I isolated myself in premise. It starts of with Peter declaring Kula and just banged away. that he wanted to live in a world without MT: How long have you been working work and just “do nothing.” That was it. on the film?

No more work for him. It was, in the last BK: It’ll be four years come November. days of the 20th century, the ultimate rebellion against society. But then the MT: Why so long? movie ended with him exchanging his BK: In film school they teach you to white color computer screen for a blue make a movie three times. You write it, collar shovel, apparently finding happiness in manual labor that had eluded him produce it and edit it. But in today’s times, an independent auteur makes it four in software development. times. Marketing is equally important and “The cynicism of multimillionaires like integral to each and every process and it’s Mike Judge and Jennifer Aniston telling us as time-consuming as any of the other to find happiness with a shovel is monprocesses. strous,” English professor Curtis White wrote in his 2007 book The Spirit of DisMT: Please describe how all this works. obedience. “All of the trust generated early BK: When you’re writing, you work in the film through damning depictions in isolation. But when you move into of work go spiraling away in disgust. The production you’re now working with only answer the film provides to its big hundreds and hundreds of personalities, question, ‘What should we do about alienin addition to the fictional characters. Then ation in work?’ is ‘Nothing–give up; find a when you start editing, you go back into way to conform.’” isolation.

Of course, Office Space isn’t the only MT: Wait–you edited this movie yourmovie that ever addressed the problems of self? Isn’t that unusual? Isn’t the whole labor in society. Two years ago, the comedy point of hiring an editor to bring in an Get a Job, a very local examination of work outside set of eyes to bring a fresh perand conformity that was written, produced spective to the film? and directed by Baldwin High graduate Brian Kohne and starred Willie K, Eric Gilliom BK: It is unusual, and I’d advise against and Kathy Collins, premiered on Maui. In it. But our budget meant I had to take that the film, Merton (Gilliom) is a slacker who on. Also, editors can be brilliant, but that finds he must conform to society’s mandate doesn’t mean they can convey what needs that he work, so ends up getting help from a to be said. This humor is very unique–I’ve job counselor (Willie K). worked on it for seven years. Local humor

I

is typically very local.

MT: What was the budget?

MT: In other words, what’s funny to us here in Hawaii isn’t necessarily funny to people elsewhere.

BK: Two hundred thousand.

BK: Right. Eric, Willie and I have been working on these comedic principles for the past seven years. Kathy Collins as well played a big role. [But] as an editor, I was able to find and showcase what was funny about our material. Could somebody have done better? Probably, but I knew I did my best. My goal though is to have an editor.

MT: I was taught that comedic writing–making someone laugh–is the toughest writing out there. If you can do that, then you’re the best.

BK: For me, that’s been easy, but everything else I’ve had to do was hard.

MT: Why tell this particular story in Get a Job ?

BK: The characters and dynamics are the result of the Barefoot Natives collaboration. As for the story, I was on the Mainland, wondering if I should come home.

This was four years ago. The workforce on the Mainland was crumbling. I applied for a lot of jobs over there, and wasn’t even getting a nibble. I reasoned that it would be easier to make a feature film called Get a Job than it would be to actually find a job. It’s probably true.

I struggle to tell people what my film is about, but that whole process of finding a job–filling out applications, interviewing, having to sell yourself–is humiliating. I feel for those people. It comes through in Willie K’s character.

Now Merton has never worked, but he goes from boy to man in one week while trying to find a job. And he comes to a very profound conclusion.

MT: So how would you characterize the comedy in Get a Job? BK: You know, the English view screwball comedy as an intellectual pursuit. So I’m happy having what’s been called a “ dumb comedy” that has more under its hood than people give it credit for. People like this film more the second and third times that they watch it.

MT: Why is that?

BK: Comedy is rhythm. We cut stuff out.

Up until now, the first draft had elements that were jarring. I think I addressed them.

The pace, too: the movie moves so fast that people miss stuff. It’s a tightly woven story, and the first time you see it you’re not aware of the set-ups. This movie gyrates in the realm of the ridiculous and the fantastic. It’s also a farce, which requires a big cast and many locations–the complete opposite of the budget I had.

We pulled it off, but we got lucky.

Close to 300 people appear in the film in 35 locations.

MT: That’s it?! So what’s it really about then?

BK: Get a Job is a step in the direction of a self-sustaining film industry in Hawaii where we can tell our own stories. I consider it Hawaii’s first major motion picture comedy.

MT: Earlier, you mentioned that the fourth part of your job was marketing.

What was that about?

BK: Marketing is a skill-set most indies don’t have. I would love to have spent the last 18 months making my next movie, but I couldn’t because I want to maximize the potential reach of this film. We’re fighting against the perception that local movies suck.

Taking this screenplay to the end requires isolation and getting kicked in the balls.

MT: Sounds wonderful. Have you always wanted to do this for a living?

BK: Yes. When I was at Baldwin High I made Super 8 movies. In college I worked in sports journalism. I’ve worked in television, film; I was a music producer [of the Barefoot Natives, which includes Willie K and Eric Gilliom]. I’ve done sales and marketing in Silicon Valley. They were all important. I hate working in a cubicle. But because of the depth of my experience, I’m able to do all four elements of the film.

I’m very passionate about home and culture. I want people who’ve learned these skills to come home and live here.

Movies are the most powerful art form invented by man.

And the indigenous movie industry here needs help. The way people can help is by supporting local filmmaking–even when the movie sucks. By doing so, you’re helping us turn the corner and become better producers, better writers.

MT: What’s your next movie?

BK: It’s called Brother’s Kuleana. It’s a thriller set in 1976. It’s heavy, but still a comedy–I can’t help myself. I’ve worked on it for seven years, but I’m not going into production until it’s smoking. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611L

GET A JOB : THE MOVIE Screens at Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku) on Aug. 31 and Sept. 1, 2, 7, 8.

Tickets: $10 For more information visit: GetAJobMovie.com or Facebook.com/GetAJobMovie

AUGUST 30, 2012

11

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Food & Drink

Local Food Chef Tylun Pang’s Ko Restaurant Upholds Maui’s Culinary Traditions

BY JEN RUSSO

KO Fairmont Kea Lani 4100 Wailea Alanui (808) 875-2210 korestaurant.com

I

n 2008 2008, after nearly a decade with the Fairmont Kea Lani Resort, Executive Chef Tylun Pang had the opportunity to open a brand new restaurant concept. He decided that it should be a place where locals and visitors alike would enjoy the food traditions of Maui. His approach was groundbreaking, cooking local recipes intact, only adding presentation and the gourmet touches that you would expect at a resort dining experience. Ko was born.

This simple idea grew in popularity, and the casual outdoor space that Ko occupied near the Caffe Ciao Deli was outgrown. In 2011, a major remodel was launched to fit the space with its menu. Chef Pang’s menu honors each of Maui’s melting pot cultures: Filipino, Portuguese, Korean, Chinese, Japanese and Hawaiian dishes appear in gorgeous form, often sourced from old island recipes.

“It started with us wanting to share our local food traditions,” says Chef Pang. “We wanted to share it with the guests and show it off at a level not really seen before. It’s the kind of food you would get in a hole in the wall. The pancit is super popular and the soba stir fry is flying out of the kitchen.”

to farm daily, but that is the part of farm-to-table we need to work on. We don’t harvest citrus like they do in Florida.”

One of their newest concepts at the restaurant is the ohana-style dishes that are served on share platters family style.Their most popular appetizer is the interactive “Ahi on the Rock–You Sear It.” Chef Pang shows that his traditional dishes can come with a little fun.The dish is served with a sizzling hot smooth rock and cute bite-sized cubes of shichimi speckled ahi.You hold it with a toothpick and sear to your satisfaction, before dipping it in the orange ginger miso sauce.

Other starters that are island favorites are the Portuguese bean soup and tofu salad, but we really enjoyed the Pohole fern and Kula greens in their Mauka Harvest Salad. The passion fruit vinaigrette is so good you’ll want to take it home.

The plantation traditions carry on into the evening menu’s fresh catch where you can get five different preparations from black bean to steamed ti leaf to Chef Tylun Pang mac nut crust. The Kare Kare is Chef Aris’ family recipe, and the lobster tempura is a decadent Japanese seafood display.

The menu takes you on a tour of plantaThe restaurant has a wonderful kama’aina tion food traditions with fresh fish, noodles, program that offers 50 percent off food from grilled meats, greens and fried goodies. Chef 11:30am to 2:30pm and again from 5-6pm Pang sources extensively from local frames and 8-9pm. And now, if you eat at the bar you and fisherman and says that “90 percent of can get 50 percent off food and 25 percent off our fridge is stocked locally right now.” drinks anytime. Chef Pang says it’s been great “Citrus and melon are the hardest part,” Continued on page 15 he says. “ It’s not practical for us to go farm

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Food & Drink

"Paparazzi food"

Continued from page 13 seeing more locals enjoying his restaurant.

“I call our food ‘paparazzi food’ because everyone takes out their camera when it’s served,” he says. “The portion sizes are generous because the island style is not small portions of fu fu foods. It’s a shame if you run out!

It’s so great for me to see the kama’aina coming here, sharing the food, enjoying the value.”

Chef Pang has a companion book named What Maui Likes to Eat that deconstructs his local recipes and serves as an amazing background to the restaurant Ko. All proceeds from his book go to the Maui

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Culinary Academy, where Chef Pang sits on the advisory board. He is a true community advocate for the Maui Culinary Academy, and every year the Kea Lani hosts their gala Noble Chef (this year’s takes place on Oct. 27). Save the date for Maui’s Premier food and wine event that benefits culinary education and supports the academy. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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Art & Entertainment

Speed-Dating!

Or, what happened when I hung out with beautiful people at Moana Cafe

BY YNEZ TONGSON

M

y outlook on dating is the same as my outlook on peas: Tried it out a couple times and decided it’s not for me. Now, I spend my time deflecting cries of, “That’s because you haven’t tried MY peas,” or “the RIGHT peas,” and “They’re good for you.”

Anyway, the last foray into speed dating landed me across from a friend’s newly divorced dad. I pretended to be deeply engrossed in the tablecloth, purveying it like an overzealous art student. “Yeah,” I’d grunt in agreement, as he told me about his vacation in California, and I contemplated the use of light and perspective in the ornamental pineapple embroidery.

Fortunately, kitschy décor is nowhere to be seen at Moana Bakery and Café in Paia, which held a speed-dating event on Monday, Aug. 20. The walls are tastefully bare and the ghost of fresh-baked bread hangs in the air. Several people are clustered at the bar. I’m in high school again, teetering on the verge of being picked last in P.E. But instead of dodge balls, ridiculously good-looking people are tucking in their business cards and throwing words like, “engineering,” “business start-up,” and the names of places you need a passport to get into.

Instead of the back of the class, I take a seat at the bar. I’m approaching this like the tests I forgot to study for: Easy questions first, namely, true or false. I ask for water and the guy next to me notices.

“You’re not ordering drinks?” he asks. “Why not? I mean, that’s why we’re here right?”

I laugh and agree, but he presses on. I nickname my new classmate Hopefully Intoxicated and smell the drink on his breath as he pulls closer.

“You’re not under 21, are you?”

Hopefully asks.

“Haha! I’m way older than 21.” True.

“Not a recovering alcoholic or anything?

I mean, five years clean or something? Just tell me if I’m asking too many questions or I’m offending you or anything.”

False, but suddenly I’m recovering from feeling offended. I drink my water like it’s alcohol.

“I’ve read about this theory, where you have to go on an average of seven dates, before you find the one,” HI says. “You know, that means some people only need to go on three, other people need to go on 14. I haven’t found my number yet, y’know?”

I glance around the room, and do some calculations. Assuming speed dating is hetero-normative, HI might find out tonight. The turn-out isn’t huge, but the crowd is young and attractive, the food is delicious, and after listening to how HI spent the last week in Sonoma, CA and how he almost missed speed dating to go on an impromptu inter-island cruise, I hypothesize the drink must be strong.

“I’m done being damaged,” he says.

“I mean, I did the whole bar scene and I haven’t really embraced the whole being single thing. But when you’re at the bars, people are doing their thing, and people just give their number and you give your number, and you’re not really expecting anything...”

“Why would you give your number to someone you don’t want to?” I ask.

“It’s just a thing, you know? Everyone’s doing their thing. This one girl gave me her number, and it was like, are we really gonna call each other? Or maybe it’s inappropriate, like at work. Do you have any secret work crushes?”

“Haha. No. I don’t like anyone at

work. And I’m not the kind of person to have secret crushes.” True.

Eventually, we move from the bar to a communal table, where beautiful women are exchanging business ideas.

They’re a torrent of topics, ranging from work, travel, life. I resist the urge take notes. Soon enough, the host explains the rules. Guys rotate seats, and everyone has a few minutes to get to know each other. When time’s up, a bell chimes and the next date begins. I am all first-day-ofschool jitters.

In front of me is a darkhaired twenty-something, who can only be described as debonair. After I hear his light German accent, I decide he’s a secret agent.

“What’s your favorite animal?” I ask.

“When I was little, I had a stuffed toy elephant. I guess I like elephants.”

“I like squids.” True.

“What? What is that? My English is. . .”

“Y’know, squids. Like an octopus, except they’ve got 10 tentacle-things,” I steeple my fingers, “They kinda look like this.”

“Uhh. . .” The bell goes off, and he stands to leave.

“They make calamari out of them,” I call out after him.

The gentleman across the table from me is now a gorgeous college student, who smiles with his eyes.

“So, what’re you doing here?”

I freeze and try to figure out exactly what he means. It’s a bit early in the night to be getting existential so I flounder for safer ground.

“What do you mean? Like, life? Or Maui? Or…?” My voice must be taking a frantic edge, since the smile is draining from his eyes. Apparently, the question wasn’t multiple choice.

“Speed dating.”

“Oh, I got an email.” True.

The next fellow is so charming I wonder if we’ve met before. His laughter is contagious.

“What’s your favorite color?” I ask the Charming Fellow.

“I recently went to the Big Island, and was on a black sand beach there. While I was on that beach, I saw this wave, and there were more shades of blue on that wave than I have ever seen in my life. I can’t pick a specific shade, but the blues on that wave would have to be my favorite color.”

“That’s a good answer.” True.

HI is now across the table from me, grinning. In this light, he could be considered handsome, in a sunburned way.

“What’s your favorite word?” I ask.

“It would have to be ‘surf,’” Charming says. “I love to surf.”

“Oh, what kind do you like? Short, long, body...”

“I do it all! Depends on what waves are rippable. Shortboard if I wanna go fast, I do some longboarding, body-surfing, even some boogie boarding. Last Sunday I was in Oahu, for the Pipe Masters.”

Is this a trick question? Unless he’s wellversed in time travel, Billabong’s Banzai Pipeline Masters isn’t until December.

Coupled with the use of boogie boarding to describe body boarding (unacceptable in certain circles), I have a complete flashback to high school and can’t wait for the bell to ring. But, like high school, it just won’t end.

“What about you? What’s your favorite word?”

“Proletariat,” I say, which is true. “It’s round in front, then spiky.”

“You could use that word without really knowing what it means. Like, ‘That’s proletariat,’ or ‘How proletariat.’”

“You could.”

“I’m gonna hafta look that up in my dictionary.”

“You should.” The bell rings, and class is dismissed.

Not much later, I was asked, “What’s the bravest thing you’ve done?”

The event was over and someone’s friend has been coerced to the table, just to talk. He’s got well-defined facial features and pauses before answering.

“I was in Costa Rica this summer and went cliff-diving,” he says. “The people in front of us had to turn back. It was pretty scary. You?” Unprepared for an essay question, I reply with a lame, “I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that exciting.”

“What about the time you were in Mexico?” the secret agent asks from nearby.

This is false. Maybe he has me confused with someone else. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Mexico. Wait, I can’t remember. Maybe. I’ll come back to this one, later.

Extra Credit: On a scale of 1-10 (One being the least, 10 being complete mortification), how awkward would you rate your speed dating experience?

Four. The atmosphere was friendly and relaxed, being at Moana Bakery and Café is always a joy, and I met people I would actually hang out with. Was it such a wonderful, breakthrough experience that I would reconsider my stance on dating?

Let’s just say, although I love fried rice, I’m still going to pick the peas out. ■ editor@mauitime.com + @angryshortgirl To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611p2

AUGUST 30, 2012 17

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Picks

BY MARINA SATOAFAIGA @SANDTOTHECITY

THURSDAY, AUG. 30 INTERACTIVE MUSICAL PROGRAM – Does your toddler or preschooler need an outlet to release energy?

The Kihei Public Library has the solution for you this Thursday: come down and rock out with award-winning singer/songwriter Pam Donkin. Join in for a interactive music program which includes a special performance of “A Hop, a Skip and a Jump.” You won’t want to miss out on a free time of bonding, reading readiness and music response. Children must be accompanied by an adult.

Free. 10:30am. Kihei Public Library (35 Waimahaihai St., Kihei); 808-875-6833, librarieshawaii.org.

FRIDAY, AUG. 31 FANTASY ISLAND – Looking for a fresh date night idea? Or a fun outing with a few friends? ends? antasy On Friday, Kit Kat Club Cabaret presents Fantasy Island. Come along for a exotic, fantasy d acts filled journey with the Kit Kat Club and a cast of cabaret entertainers. Tropical-inspired include wild animals, Go-Go beach babes, sultry savages, feats of danger and much more!

What more do you need? Cocktail hour, of course! You’ll be greeted with visuals by Fuzz red Box and Event Horizon along with festive music. Cudra Clover exotica will be featured able during cocktail hour. Interested in a more intimate experience? VIP treatment is available (admission price included). You won’t want to miss out! Remember to dress up and island fantasy wear is encouraged. Ages 21+. $15 presale, $20 at door. 6:30pm. The 43, Maui Tropical Plantation (1670 Honoapiilani Hwy, Wailuku); 808-244-7643, mauitropicalplantation.com; facebook.com/kitkatclubcabaret.

FRIDAY, AUG. 31 KAANAPALI FRESH – The first annual Ka’anapali Fresh has it ALL and then some. In a major collaboration between 11 hotels and condominiums, restaurants, local farmers, culinary enthusiasts, local beer and spirits producers, you get to enjoy the best food and beverages that Ka’anapali has to offer. The culinary showcase will highlight the relationship between the area’s chefs and their use of locally sourced food while offering shopping and relaxing play for all. The threeday event will have a myriad of festivities to participate in, including a progressive dinner, “Grown on Maui” farmers market, a Ka’anapali Coffee Farms tour, an award-winning brunch at Ka’anapali Beach Hotel, the first ever Ka’anapali Fresh Food & Wine Festival, mixology lessons and a concert by Third Eye Blind under the Ka’anapali moonlight. Here’s a chance to experience the Ka’anapali resort in a new way. Reserve tickets by visiting kaanapalifresh.com; 808-661-3271.

BLUE HAWAIIAN MOONLIGHT – Join in for an evening concert featuring the “slack key master” George Kahumoku Jr. and students from the Institute of Hawaiian Music at UH Maui College benefiting the Maui Historical Society. Founded in 1951, the Maui Historical Society strives to preserve and share the history and heritage of Maui. The night will include a lei, food and beverages under the moonlight at the Bailey House Museum. Dress up in your best 1940s to 1960s retro Aloha wear to enter the contest. Please bring blankets or low beach chairs. Come relax for a good cause! $35 general admission, $25 Maui Historical Society members, and $15 for students age 12 through 18.

Children under 12 are free. 6:30pm. Bailey House Museum.

(2735-A Main St., Wailuku) 808-244-3326, mauimuseum.org

FRIDAY, AUG. 31 MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FEST – Here’s a weekend infused with Jazz, Blues and Paia’s finest musicians. The Maui Jazz and Blues Festival 2012 features the Paia North Shore Jazz Fest Weekend. Whether it’s live Jazz or a world premiere screening of the 1st Annual Maui Jazz & Blues Festival 2011, this weekend is all Jazz & Blues. Don’t miss out on the Grand Opening of The HawaiiOnTV/PaiaOnTV Oceanfront North Shore movie theater under the Stars at Johnny B’s. This weekend promises food, fun and festivity! Free. Paia Town. Visit paiafilmfestival.net for times and locations.

DOLLZ FOR DAYS FIRST ANNIVERSARY – This Friday you can celebrate the first anniversary of Dollz for Days. Memorable for its custom rave, gogo and event wear, Dollz for Days was the result of a stay-at-home mom’s passion project. The creative mind behind the line is a Maui native who draws inspiration from her colorful imagination. The celebration will include live models rocking Dollz for Days’ newest pieces along with giveaways and drink specials.

Here’s a great chance to peek at Dollz for Days’ newest pieces. Photographer Genevieve Derego will also be hosting a live photo shoot. 21+. Free. 10pm-2am. Oceans Beach Bar and Grill (1819 S Kihei Rd.); 808-891-2414. facebook.com/DollzForDays.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 1 END OF SUMMER BEACH BASH – Squeeze what’s left of Summer with an End of summer beach bash this Saturday at David Paul’s in Lahaina. They’ll have dancing, drinks and DJ beats to celebrate sizzling summer days. Featured DJ’s include Benjamin Jay, Andrew Dana and DJ Toben. Complimentary pupus will be served for you early birds (check time) and $5 beverage specials all night. 21+. $10 cover. 8pm2am. David Paul’s Island Grill (900 front st., Lahaina); 808-662-3000, www.davidpaulsislandgrill.com.

CABARET RISQUE – Dust off your feathers and jewels because this Saturday Cabaret Risqué is coming to Three’s Bar & Grill in Kihei. Enjoy a modern variety show that features live song, dance and burlesque. Filled with sultry numbers, vintage vibes and more than a dash of sexy, all arrows point to adventure! The night features Kitty Chow, Lola Love, Violetta Beretta, Miss Catwings and DJ Mr. Nick. Also appearing will be the Maui Roller Girls and Rachel Deboer of The UltraViolets. $10 before 10:30pm $15 after. Doors Open 10pm. Three’s Bar & Grill (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133, threesbarandgrill.com/index.html, lolaloveburlesque@gmail.com.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 1

SUNDAY, SEPT. 2

FLOCK OF SEAGULLS – It’s time to rock out 80’s style! BAMP presents Totally 80’s Live featuring award-winning techno-pop group Flock of the Seagulls this Saturday.

Known for their video hits “Space Age Love Song” and “I Ran (So Far Away),” the British group was reformed after breaking up by head singer Mike Score in 1995. Since then the 80s band has accumulated a new fan base thanks in part to features in video games and YouTube re-makes of their notable hit “Space Age Love Song.” Be sure to also catch the English band When in Rome. Their hit song “The Promise” has been on Napoleon Dynamite and re-made by groups Anberlin and New Found Glory. All Ages. P2:$35 P1:$45 (in advance +applicable fees). 7pm. McCoy Theater at Maui Arts & Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, mauiarts.org.

THIRD EYE BLIND – Featured at Ka’anapali Fresh, Third Eye Blind will be “acoustic and under the stars” on Sunday, Sept. 2. Headlining the evening with classics like “SemiCharmed Life,” “Jumper” and “How’s it Going to Be.” Included with show admission are two glasses of Maui Brewing Co.’s newest addition–Ka’anapali Golden Ale. Dinner will be served by Chef Bernardo Salazar, who is known for his international culinary skills. $89. 5:30pm. Royal Lahaina Resort (2780 Kekaa Dr., Lahaina); 808-661-3611; kaanapalifresh.com, royallahaina.com.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 2 FOURTH ANNUAL KEIKI TILAPIA TOURNEY – Here’s a chance to fish for a good cause. Geared towards keiki ages two to 18, the 4th annual Keiki Tilapia Tourney hits Ka‘anapali Golf Course this Sunday. Limited to the first 600 to sign up, the event offers keiki a chance to give back while having fun. You can download an application at mauielectric.com or pick one up at Maui Sporting Goods in Wailuku, New Maui Fishing Supply in Wailuku, Maui Electric Customer Service lobby in Kahului or the Kaanapali Golf Course Shop in Lahaina. Each participant will also receive a t-shirt, and proceeds will benefit the Maui United Way. $18. 8am. Ka‘anapali Golf Course (2290 Kaanapali Pkwy, Lahaina); 808-661-3691.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 2 ‘MY DOG SKIP’ – Looking for a family date night idea? Come on down this Sunday for Starry Night Cinema. The big screen will feature My Dog Skip a story about a boy’s upbringing in Mississippi during the 1940s and Skip, tthe special bond he shares with his dog. Grab a blanket or beach chair to set-up on the lawn for a family-friendly evening under the stars. Music, casual dining and drink specials are available as well. Free. 7pm.

A&B Amphitheater/ Yokouchi Pavillion, MACC (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, www.mauiarts.org.

ULUPALAKUA CARES – Maui’s only winery and Ulupalakua Ranch bring you “Ulupalakua Cares,” an afternoon dedicated to conservation efforts regarding the island community. On Sunday, you can enjoy live music

by Jeff Peterson & Cyril Pahinui as well as food, wine and lively conversation. It’s a great chance to help make a difference and have fun, too. Free. 11am. Ulupalakua Ranch (Hwy. 37, Kula); 877-878-6058, mauiwine.com, ulupalakuaranch.com.

MONDAY, SEPT. 3 SOLO ARTIST EXHIBITION – Hui No’eau presents Valerie Yong Ock Kim and Maui’s own Billy Welker, the artists featured during the Hui’s 2012 Solo Artist Exhibition, which runs Aug. 11- Sept. 21. This unique opportunity allows the artist to have a hands on role in planning and installing their art. With a degree in psychology and health care, Kim hails from Hawaii Island. But Welke, a native of the Valley Isle, studied fine arts and is a carpenter/general contractor by trade. Kim’s “LIGHT SPEED MATTER, A STILL PLACE WAITING” and Billy’s “CONFIGURATION” are bound to be show stoppers. Hui No‘eau (2841 Baldwin Ave., Wailuku); 808-572-6560. www.huinoeau.com.

AUGUST 30, 2012 19

Film

Summer Movie

Wrap-Up

BY BARRY WURST II

E

verything comes full circle.

The summer began with a team of superheroes taking on evil forces in The Avengers, only to wrap itself up with another, older but no less powerful fighting force in The Expendables 2. In between those blockbusters were four months of a most interesting movie season, flush with some of the biggest hits of all time and a few Howard the Duck-size financial disasters.

THE BEST One of my favorite things about both The Dark Knight Rises and Prometheus is that they divided everyone. There was no consensus on either movie, which caused one heated fanboy argument after another. They will continue to cause debate and merit repeat viewings, which will allow audiences to see, with realistic expectations and not under clouds of hype, that these were two of the year’s finest films.

The Avengers is now one of the biggest hits of all time but even comic book fans admit it wasn’t perfect. I enjoyed it, but let’s be honest: Mark Ruffalo is a terrific actor but his take on Bruce Banner was grindingly dull. When the CGI took over, the character worked but when Ruffalo mumbled his way through the part, I longed for the intense Eric Bana, the charismatic Edward Norton or even Bill Bixby to come back.

An even better movie was The Amazing Spider-Man, which energized the tired franchise by giving us a potent love

story instead of a worn out love triangle and a fresh, brooding approach to Peter Parker. Sam Raimi’s first two Spider-Man films shouldn’t be tossed aside in comparison, as Andrew Garfield’s refreshingly different interpretation is exactly what this series needed.

The Bourne Legacy survived being Matt Damon-free, offered an exciting, different approach and wound up the summer’s most underrated movie. While not a comedy classic, The Campaign, with its raunchy laughs at the expense of politicians, is a welcome satire in the pre-election season. The wonderful Moonrise Kingdom brought in appreciative audiences seeking art house escapism and it’s hard to determine which will end up being the bigger guilty pleasure of the season: Rock of Ages, The Expendables 2 or Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, all dumb and hugely entertaining time-wasters.

NOT UP TO SNUFF Men in Black 3 was not worth the wait or the price of admission and, take away Charlize Theron’s pitch-perfect villainy, Snow White and the Huntsman was an overlong snooze fest. Ted had some big laughs but the joke got old during hour two and offered little you couldn’t see for free on Family Guy. Disney’s Brave brought in hordes of children but even fans of the film couldn’t deny it was far from a Pixar classic. A theater full of rowdy, cheering women may disagree but the fun of Magic Mike wore off after an hour of thrusting, g-strings and penis pumps.

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The Amazing Spider-Man, apparently still amazing.

Most of the seasonal art movies weren’t anything special, as Woody Allen’s To Rome With Love proved to be one of his mildest, least essential comedies, and Safety Not Guaranteed was too slight to pay full admission price. I admire that Disney made a movie so openly in favor of adoption but wonder what they were thinking when they made The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Then there’s Battleship , a giant flop/ Hollywood cautionary tale that was unloved by millions, depicted Oahu getting pulverized by aliens and had precious little to do with the board game it was based on. Having on-hisway-out Taylor Kitsch in the lead and giving Liam Neeson only a few minutes of screen time was a big mistake.

Yet, in the film’s defense, it was better, shorter and more fun than any of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies.

STINK BOMBS Teaming Johnny Depp with Tim Bur-

ton to re-think the charmingly creaky horror soap opera Dark Shadows seemed like a can’t miss idea until we actually saw the movie. Taking Oliver Stone away from wealthy, privileged America and back into his drug-hazed badlands sounded promising until we sat through the awful Savages. I had hopes for Total Recall, maybe because the filmmakers claimed they were being faithful to the original story by Philip K. Dick, but the result was Philip K. Dick-less.

Next summer looks to repeat this year’s triumphs and mistakes, as Iron Man and Superman return, along with the crew of Star Trek and the Fast and Furious gang.

There EW also sequels to The Smurfs and Grown Ups that no one asked for, a new M. Night Shyamalan movie starring Will Smith and, worst of all, someone thought remaking Robocop was a good idea. Suddenly, That’s My Boy and The Dictator don’t seem so bad anymore. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1611f

Film

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

BY JENNA SCHAMBER

FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-F until 6:30pm, Sa-Su until 3:30pm, Discount Tue)

Hope Springs-PG13-THU (3:45), 6:55, 9:15. FRI (1:15, 3:45), 6:55, 9:15. SATMON (1:15), 3:45, 6:55, 9:15. TUE-WED (3:45), 6:55, 9:15.

Paranorman-PG13-THU (3:30), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:00, 3:30), 6:45, 9:15. SATMON (1:00), 3:30, 6:45, 9:15. TUE-WED (3:30), 6:45, 9:15.

Sparkle-PG13-THU (4:15), 7:00, 9:35.

The Dark Knight Rises-PG13-THU (5:00), 8:30. FRI (1:30, 5:00), 8:30. SAT-MON (1:30), 5:00, 8:30. TUE-WED (5:00), 8:30.

The Possession-PG13-FRI (1:20, 4:15), 7:00, 9:20. SAT-MON (1:20), 4:15, 7:00, 9:30. TUE-WED (4:15), 7:00, 9:30.

IAO THEATER 68 N. Market St., Wailuku, 808-242-6969

Get a Job-FRI 5:00, 7:00. SAT-SUN: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm)

2016: Obama’s America-PG-FRI-SAT 11:10, 1:15, 3:20, 5:25, 7:30, 9:35. SUNWED 11:10, 1:15, 3:20, 5:25, 7:30.

Brave-PG-FRI-WED 12:10, 2:40.

Hit & Run-R-FRI-SAT 11:05, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05, 10:15. SUN-WED 11:05, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05.

Ice Age: Continental Drift-PG-FRI-WED 11:00, 1:10.

Sparkle-PG13-FRI-WED 12:00, 2:30.

NEW THIS WEEK 2016: OBAMA’S AMERICA - PG - Fantasy - This film, made by Dinesh D’Souza, who some people apparently think is intelligent, says Barack Obama is merely an instrument for carrying out his father’s evil anti-colonial agenda. 89 min.

CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER - R Comedy/Drama - A couple that’s divorcing tries to stay friends. 92 min.

GET A JOB - Unrated - Comedy - See cover story on p. 10 for info.

LAWLESS - R - Crime/Drama - Depressionera bootleggers are threatened by a crooked Virginia sheriff. Tom Hardy stars, with a screenplay by Nick Cave. 115 min.

THE OOGIELOVES IN THE BIG BALLOON ADVENTURE - G - Family - The Oogieloves

(that would be Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie) set out on a quest to find the five magical balloons for their friend Schluufy’s birthday party. Compared to 2016, this is a documentary. 88 min.

THE POSSESSION - PG 13 - Horror Some girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, only to find that it contains a seriously malevolent spirit. 92 min.

YOU MAY NOT KISS THE BRIDE - PG 13

Step Up Revolution 2D-PG13-FRI-SAT 4:55, 7:15, 9:35. SUN-WED 4:55, 7:15, 9:35.

The Bourne Legacy-PG13-FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:40, 4:20, 7:00, 9:40. SUN-WED 11:00, 1:40, 4:20, 7:00.

Total Recall-PG13-FRI-SAT 5:00, 7:30, 10:00. SUN-WED 5:00, 7:30.

You May Not Kiss The Bride-PG13-FRISAT 3:20, 5:40, 8:00, 10:20. SUN-WED 3:20, 5:40, 8:00.

KUKUI MALL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm)

Hit & Run-R-THU-SUN 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25. MON 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05. TUE-WED 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25.

Intouchables-R-FRI-SUN 11:10, 1:45, 4:20, 7:15, 10:00. MON 11:10, 1:45, 4:20, 7:15. TUE-WED 1:20, 3:45, 6:20, 9:00.

Lawless-G-THU-SUN 11:20, 1:50, 4:30, 7:00, 9:45. MON 11:20, 1:50, 4:30, 7:00.

TUE-WED 1:10, 3:50, 6:30, 9:15.

The Bourne Legacy-PG13-THU 11:00, 1:55, 4:50, 7:50, 10:30.

The Expendables 2-R-THU-SUN 11:15, 1:20, 3:45, 6:00, 8:20, 10:40. MON 11:15, 1:20, 3:45, 6:00, 8:20. TUE-WED 1:00, 3:45, 6:00, 8:20.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm)

The Amazing Spider-Man-PG13-FRI 9:10. SAT-MON 9:10. TUE-WED 9:10.

The Avengers-PG13-FRI (3:20). SATMON (3:20). TUE-WED (3:20).

- Romance/Comedy - A pet photographer is forced to marry some girl for some reason and then has to rescue her when she’s kidnapped at a tropical resort. 100 min.

NOW PLAYING THE AVENGERS - PG13 - Action - You’ve seen all the back stories, and now Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Captain America and the rest get together with Samuel L. Jackson to save the world from Loki. Sure, why not.

Joss Whedon directs. 142 min.

THE BOURNE LEGACY - PG13 - Action/ Adventure - In this Matt Damon-less incarnation of Robert Ludlum’s spy novel, Jeremy Renner plays American super-assassin Aaron Cross. 135 min.

THE CAMPAIGN - R - Comedy - Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis star in this humorous take on a congressional campaign. 85 min.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES - PG13 - Action - Christian Bale returns as the Batman to fight the menacing mercenary Bane (Tom Hardy) and Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) in this final installment of Christopher Nolan’s trilogy. 164 min.

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: DOG DAYS PG - Family/Comedy - Greg has big plans for his summer vacation, but then every-

The Avengers 3D-PG13-FRI (12:20), 6:20, 9:20. SAT-MON (12:20), 6:20, 9:20.

TUE-WED 6:20, 9:20.

Celeste and Jesse Forever-R-FRI (12:15, 2:30, 4:40), 6:50, 9:00. SAT-MON (12:15, 2:30), 4:40, 6:50, 9:00. TUE-WED (2:30, 4:40), 6:50, 9:00.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days-PGTHU (1:50, 4:20), 6:40, 9:00. FRI (11:40, 1:50, 4:20), 6:40. SAT-MON (11:40, 1:50), 4:20, 6:40. TUE-WED (1:50, 4:20), 6:40.

Hope Springs-PG13-THU (2:25, 4:45), 7:15, 9:40. FRI (11:55, 2:25, 4:45), 7:15, 9:40. SAT-MON (11:55, 2:25), 4:45, 7:15, 9:40. TUE-WED (2:25, 4:45), 7:15, 9:40.

Lawless-G-THU (2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00.

FRI (11:45, 2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00. SATMON (11:45, 2:20), 4:55, 7:30, 10:00.

TUE-WED (2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00.

Paranorman-PG13-THU (4:15). THU (4:15). FRI (11:45, 4:15). SAT-MON (11:45), 4:15. TUE-WED (4:15).

Paranorman 3D-PG-THU (2:00), 6:30, 8:45.

FRI (2:00), 6:30, 8:45. SAT-MON (2:00), 6:30, 8:45. TUE-WED (2:00), 6:30, 8:45.

Premium Rush-PG13-THU (2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:50. FRI (12:30, 2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:50. SAT-MON (12:30, 2:45), 5:10, 7:25, 9:50. TUE-WED (2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:50.

Ted-R-THU (4:40), 9:35.

The Amazing Spider-Man 3D-PG13THU (3:15), 6:15, 9:10.

The Campaign-R-THU (2:15, 4:35), 6:55, 9:15. FRI (12:05, 2:15, 4:35), 6:55, 9:15.

SAT-MON (12:05, 2:15), 4:35, 6:55, 9:15.

TUE-WED (2:15, 4:35), 6:55, 9:15.

The Dark Knight Rises-PG13-THU 8:15.

thing goes haywire. Based on the popular teen books. 94 min.

THE EXPENDABLES 2 - R - Action - All your favorite aging action heroes are back (including Stallone, Statham, Willis, Li and Ahnold!), and this time they blow up approximately one-quarter of the Earth’s surface. 102 min.

HIT & RUN - R - Action/Comedy/Romance - Some guy in Witness Protection named Charlie Bronson (um, yeah) drives his girlfriend to LA while his former gang and the cops chase him. 100 min.

HOPE SPRINGS - PG13 - Comedy/Drama - It’s marriage counseling time for a couple (Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones) who’ve been hitched for 30 years. 100 min.

THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN PG - Comedy/Drama - A childless couple dreams of having a baby, and then one day lightning strikes their backyard and out pops a kid with tree branches growing out of his legs. Odd is right. 125 min.

PARANORMAN - PG - Animation/Comedy - Some kid who can talk to the dead goes up against some scary folks to save his town from a curse. 93 min.

PREMIUM RUSH - PG 13 - Action/ Thriller - A Manhattan bike messenger

FRI 8:15. SAT-MON 8:15. TUE-WED 8:15.

The Expendables 2-R-THU (1:30, 1:55, 4:00, 4:25), 6:35, 7:00, 9:05, 9:30. FRI (11:30, 1:55, 4:25), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-MON (11:30, 1:55), 4:25, 7:00, 9:30. TUE-WED (1:55, 4:25), 7:00, 9:30.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green-PG-THU (2:05, 4:30), 7:20, 9:45. FRI (11:35, 2:05, 4:30), 7:20, 9:45. SAT-MON (11:35, 2:05), 4:30, ,7:20, 9:45. TUE-WED (2:05, 4:30), 7:20, 9:45.

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure-G-THU (1:40, 3:50), 6:00.

FRI (11:30, 1:40, 3:50), 6:00. SAT-MON (11:30, 1:40), 3:50, 6:00. TUE-WED (1:40, 3:50), 6:00.

The Possession-PG13-FRI (11:50, 2:10, 4:50), 7:10, 9:35. SAT-MON (11:50, 2:10), 4:50, 7:10, 9:35. TUE-WED (2:10, 4:50), 7:10. 9:35.

The Watch-R-THU (2:10), 7:05.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day)

Hit & Run-R-THU (1:20, 4:00), 7:00, 9:35.

FRI (1:20, 4:00), 7:00, 9:20. SAT-MON (1:20), 4:00, 7:00, 9:20. TUE-WED (1:20, 4:00), 7:00, 9:20.

The Bourne Legacy-PG13-THU (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:30. FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:15. SAT-MON (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:15.

TUE-WED (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:15.

The Expendables 2-R-THU (1:15, 4:15), 7:05, 9:45. FRI (1:15, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15.

SAT-MON (1:15), 4:15, 6:45, 9:15. TUEWED (1:15, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15.

(Joseph Gordon-Levitt) picks up an envelope that gets him a lot of unwanted attention from a dirty cop. 93 min.

SPARKLE - PG13 - Drama - Three sisters form a girl group in 1960s Motown. 116 min.

TOTAL RECALL - PG13 - Action/Sci-Fi This remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger flick, which was based on a Philip K. Dick story, concerns one Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell), who tries to take a mental vacation, only to wake up and find everything he knows about himself may have been a lie. 118 min.

THE WATCH - R - Comedy - Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn play suburban neighborhood watch guys who find themselves battling an interstellar alien invasion. 101 min.

LAST CHANCE THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - PG13 - Ac-

tion/Comic - Yes, they’re remaking a movie that came out barely 10 years ago. But who cares? If you miss this one, don’t worry, because they’ll probably just remake it again next year. 136 min.

ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT - PG - Animation - Your old friends Manny, Diego and Sid set sail on an iceberg and meet exciting sea creatures and pirates. Of course they do. 94 min.

AUGUST 30, 2012 21

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

WILLIE K WARE HOUSE BLUES

Calendar

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 1819 S. KIHEI RD. • 891.2414 11AM-2AM DAILY • DINNER ‘TIL 10PM

TH UR S

SA LS A NIG HT W/

AUG. 30

S NIETO & BARBARA 7:3 0-9 :30

AUG. 31

FR I NTS NEXT LEVEL ENTERTAINMENT PRESE

BOTTOMS UP FRIDAYS 10PM • NO COVER

SAT

Every Tuesday in

September 9pm • $10 Cover

808.572.0220 for dinner reservations and information Visit our website: www.casanovamaui.com

SEPT. 1

LATIN NIGHT 10PM

SEPT.4 TACO TUESDAYSNA4-1, 0PM $ 50 TACOS, CORO 2.

DOS XX & PACIFICOS

TU E

OPEN SUNDAYS AT 7A

M FOR ALL

NFL GAMES STARTING SEPT.9TH

Da Kine Calendar

BY JENNA SCHAMBER

BIG SHOWS “BLUE HAWAIIAN MOONLIGHT” WITH GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR. - Fri, Aug 31. See picks on p. 17 for info. $35 GA, $25 MHS members, and $15 for students age 12-18.

Children under 12 are free. 6:30pm Bailey House Museum, (2375-A Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326; mauimuseum.org; baileyhousemuseum@clearwire.net FANTASY ISLAND - A KIT KAT CLUB CABARET - Fri, Aug 31. See picks on p. 17 for info. $15 advance; $20 at the door; VIP seating available.

6:30pm Maui Tropical Plantation, (1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-244-7643; fantasyislandmaui.eventbrite.com FUNDRAISER FOR BABY MICAELA - Fri, Aug 31. A fundraising benefit for Baby Micaela, who was born premature and had to be flown to Honolulu with complications. Entertanment includes acoustic music, Ekolu Kalama, Malino, Inna Vision and Maoli. A silent auction will be held and 10% of all dinner sales will be donated to the family. $10 cover. 7pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com (or if you can’t make the event, and would like to “give” go to: youcaring.com then “find a fundraiser” enter: Baby Micaela.)

ANUHEA - Fri, Aug 31. Anuhea returns to Maui for special live band performance. Special guest Ekolu Kalama. $20 presale, $25 at door. 10pm Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; charleysmaui.com DOLLZ FOR DAYS 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY Fri, Aug 31. See picks on p. 17 for info. No cover.

10pm-2am Oceans Beach Bar & Grill, (1819 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-2414 TOTALLY 80’S LIVE FEATURING FLOCK OF SEAGULLS AND WHEN IN ROME - Sat, Sep 1. See picks on p. 17 for info. $35-$45. 7pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org ULUWEHI GUERRERO - CELEBRATION OF THE HEART - Sat, Sep 1. Uluwehi will present an unparalleled stage production of hula and music. $25-$45. 7:30pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-7469; mauiarts.org END OF SUMMER BEACH BASH - Sat, Sep 1.

See picks on p. 17 for info. $10. 8pm-2am David Paul’s Island Grill, (900 Front St. Suite A101, Lahaina); 808-662-3000; davidpaulsislandgrill.com CABARET RISQUE - Sat, Sep 1. See picks on p. 17 for info. $10 before 10pm, $15 after. 10pm Three’s Bar & Grill, (1945 S Kihei Rd.); 808-8793133; threesbarandgrill.com SLACK KEY SHOW – MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC WITH LEDWARD KAAPANA - Wed, Sep 5. George Kahumoku Jr. hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series featuring Ledward Kaapana, slack key guitar grand master.

Show at 7:30-9:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort Aloha Pavilion, (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd.); 808669-3858; slackkey.com

KA’ANAPALI FRESH

PROGRESSIVE KA’ANAPALI - Fri, Aug 31.

Enjoy the sunset and great entertainment as you move from appetizers to dinner tastings and dessert. $69. 6-10pm Ka’anapali Beach Resort, (Ka’anapali Parkway); kaanapalifresh.com GROWN ON MAUI FARMERS MARKET Sat, Sep 1. Chef booths with farm-fresh breakfast items and demonstrations. 7am-12pm Whaler’s Village at Ka’anapali Beach Resort, (Ka’anapali Parkway)

22 AUGUST 30, 2012

AGRICULTURE TOUR - LEARNING ABOUT MAUI COFFEE - Sat, Sep 1. A tour that teaches you about the art and science of coffee cultivation and how coffee goes from farm to cup. $47.

9am-12pm Ka’anapali Coffee Farms, (Kakaalaneo Dr.); 808-662-0000 FOOD & WINE FESTIVAL - Sat, Sep 1. The signature event for Ka’anapali Fresh will include headliner entertainment and a silent auction to benefit Maui County Farm Bureau. Savor farmto-table menus, each carefully designed and presented by a trio of farmer, winery, and chef. $395. 6-10pm Royal Ka’anapali Golf Resort (3rd green), (2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy.)

MAUI’S AWARD-WINNING BRUNCH AT KA’ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL - Sun, Sep 2. $42. 9am-2pm Ka’anapali Beach Hotel, (2525 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0011 THIRD EYE BLIND CONCERT UNDER THE KA’ANAPALI MOONLIGHT - Sun, Sep 2. See picks on p. 17 for info. $89 (includes dinner and show). 6-10pm Royal Lahaina Resort, (2780 Kekaa Dr.); 808-661-3611

PAIA NORTH SHORE JAZZ FEST

LIVE JAZZ, ART, DINNER & BYO WINE - Fri, Aug 31 and Sat, Sep 1. Free live jazz; call for dinner reservations. 5-8pm Paia Bay Cafe & Turnbull Fine Art, (137 Hana Hwy.,Paia); 808-579-9130 GRAND OPENING OF PAIA MOVIE THEATER - Fri, Aug 31. See picks on p. 17 for info. Live Jazz & Blues performances by Benny Uyetake & Kalama Ukulele Jazz Cats, Robbie Ray Jazz Guitar Deason of Lahaina Grown, Ekolu Kalama and more. Special movie dinner packs from Johnny B’s. Free. Limited seating; call for reservations. No outside coolers or food allowed. 6-9pm Johnny B’s, (65 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9070 or 573-5530; paiafilmfestival.net FREE LIVE JAZZ & BLUES - Sat, Sep 1.

4-7pm: Tortillas Burrito Company & Simply 808, (149 Hana Hwy.) Call 808-579-9130 for dinner reservations. 6-8pm: Paia Inn Hotel, (93 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-6000.

JAZZ BREAKFAST - Sun, Sep 2. Live jazz guitar with Benny Uyetake. 9-11am Paia Bay Cafe, (43 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-3111

TICKETS ON SALE

KU MAI KA HULA 2012 - Sat, Sep 8. MACC’s 7th annual international hula competition features halau winners from Japan’s competition and halau from Hawai‘i in adult solo and group performances. The dancers compete in kahiko and ‘auana in both male and female categories. $25 adults; $12.50 12 & younger. 1-6pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAPA’S 24TH ANNUAL GARDEN PARTY - Sun, Sep 9. Join MAPA for its 24th Annual Garden Party featuring a host of new restaurants and artists, live entertainment, a vintage car show, silent and live auctions and a Giving Tree to support their production of “Nutcracker Sweets” at the MACC. $75 advance ($85 at door). 1-5pm Yokouchi Family Estate, 808-2448760; mauiacademy.org GO RED FOR WOMEN AMBASSADOR 5K WALK - Sat, Sep 15. Raise awareness about the prevalence and severity of heart disease by participating in a non-competitive walk. $20 pre-register; $25 day of. 8-10am Whalers Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-244-7185; mauigoredforwomen.org; kauwela.a.bisquera@heart.org

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/30

8/31

9/1

9/2

9/3-9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Envy Nightclub 9pm; $10 cover

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

Get Your Sexy On w/ DJ LaRage 10pm; no cover

Jaime Gallo 7pm; no cover

BLUE LAGOON Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; no cover

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; no cover

2ND ANNUAL MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FESTIVAL - Sat, Sep 15. Musical performances by Jimmy Cobb, Joe Louis Walker, Eric Marienthal, Javon Jackson, Camile Baudoin, Skip Martin, Corey Ledet, Brother Noland and John Keawe. $50 GA, $60 at door, $1,000 VIP tables for 10. 4:309pm Grand Wailea Resort and Spa Oceanfront in the “Molokini Garden”, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); mauijazzandbluesfestival.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, AUG 30 SOLO ARTIST EXHIBITION - Mon-Sat. See picks on p. 17 for info. Free. 10am-4pm Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; huinoeau.com “OLD HAWAII, BLUE FLAG, NEW DIRECTIONS” EXHIBIT - Gallerie La Jolie Maison announces the New Hawaiian Flag, “Old Hawaii, Blue Flag, New Directions,” by social realist artist Patrick Sart. The canvas flag, which is on display now through Labor Day, measures 64 inches across and 46 inches high and was painted “in honor of all the workers of Hawaii past and present.” Mon-Fri 10am-5pm and Sat 10am-3pm. Free. Gallerie La Jolie Maison, (Kihei Trade Center II, 310 Huku Lii Place); 808874-2882; lajoliemaisonmaui.com INTERACTIVE MUSICAL PROGRAM - See picks on p. 17 for info. Free. 10:30-11am Kihei Public Library, (35 Waimahaihai St.); 808-8756833; librarieshawaii.org HAWAIIAN MUSIC SERIES WITH DALE & MAMO NITTA - The Hawaiian Music Series continues with a performance under the stars

by Dale & Mamo Nitta. The lawn will have Polynesian artisans and a mini farmer’s market with handcrafted items and fresh fruits and vegetables. Free; chairs are limited. 6-7:30pm Baldwin Home Lawn, (120 Dickenson Street, Lahaina); 808-661-3262; lahainarestoration. org/baldwin.html TALK STORY THURSDAYS: EMILY FIELDING - East Maui Watershed Partnership hosts

Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Dave Caroll / TUE - Jordan Cuddy / WED - Ekolu Kalama (all sets 7pm; no cover)

Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style 2-5pm; $7 cover

TUE - Willie K and The Warehouse Blues Band, 9pm; $10 / WED - Ladies Night - Fast Forward w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm; $5 before 11pm TUE - Howard Ahia & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:3010pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Pool Tournament 6:30pm; no cover

Booze Braddahs 9pm; no cover

House Shakers 9pm; no cover

Gina Martenilli 6pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Dance Party / WED Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON - Dance Party / TUES -Live Music WED - Dance Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Music videos w/ DJ Daizy, 9pm-close / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm-close (all sets no cover)

Evan Shulman 6-9pm; no cover

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; no cover

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

HARD ROCK CAFE ISANA

MON - DJ Skinny Guy / TUE - Toxic Tuesdays w/ DJ TRVR / WED - DJ Del Sol and DJ CIA (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Anuhea w/ Ekolu Kalama, 10pm; $20 presale; $25

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

Ultra w/ DJ CIA 10pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover

Omar & The Soultones Feat. Jaime Gallo 9:30pm; $5 cover

CASANOVA

COOL CAT CAFE

WED - Karaoke w/ Sista Deva, 8pm-12:30am (all sets no cover)

Ladies Night 10pm-close; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

DJ Jamn J 10pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Maui Marine Coordinator for The Nature Conservancy, Emily Fielding. Free. 6pm Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-5725979; viewpointsgallerymaui.com ARTIST DEMONSTRATION - Fine Art Oil Painter, Jack Hamilton, will be sharing his particular style and technique with the public. This is a great opportunity to see the entire process of creating a beautiful painting. A selection of his recent oil paintings will be on display. Free.

11am-2pm Maui Hands, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008; mauihands.com

FRIDAY, AUG 31 ALOHA END OF SUMMER CONCERT - Students of Institute of Hawaiian Music at UH Maui are joining forces with local Hawaiian music icons for a concert that includes slack-key guitar, ukulele, keyboard, vocals and hula, both traditional and contemporary pieces. Free. 5-6pm Lobby at Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808840-8402; fairmont.com/kealani KAMA’AINA NIGHTS FEATURING PA’AMANA - An evening of live entertainment, food and product sampling from merchants, and giveaways from the stage. Free. 6-8pm Center Stage, Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com MEET THE ARTIST - Maui Hands Gallery presents the photography of Monica and Michael Sweet. Come by the gallery to meet the artists and to take a look at their work inspired by the beauty of Maui and the Hawaiian Islands. Free.

4-7:30pm Maui Hands, Lahaina, (612 Front St., Ste. D); 808-667-9898; mauihands.com

SATURDAY, SEPT 1 HOLOKAI CLUB - Enjoy arts & crafts and educational tables geared towards children in grades K-5th grade. Free. 10am-12pm Center Stage, Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com E HOLOMUA KAKOU - MOVING FORWARD

Karaoke

WED - Karaoke

TOGETHER - Around center stage, Imua Family Services is hosting a drop-in fair with individual talk story tables where parents can have a private one-on-one conversation with highly trained staff and specialized children’s therapists. Free. 12pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-2447467; imuafamilyservices.org OPENING RECEPTION FOR ARTIST LYNETTE PRADIGA - A wine and cheese reception featuring local artist, Lynette Pradiga, a multi-media painter with a “love for bright colors and textures.” Also featuring, Sandra Lecari, with Kiln-formed glass artwork and gift pieces. Free. 12-6pm Indigo Art Gallery, (1367 S. Kihei Rd., Suite #3-109); 808-382-6557; indigoartgallerymaui.com PSYCHIC/INTUITIVE FAIR - Receive insight and inspiration from Maui’s premier intuitives (angel, astrology and tarot), plus aura photography.

Enjoy music, refreshments and lunch specials at the Town Center and Northshore Zipline. Held every first Saturday of the month. 11am-4pm Temple of Peace, (575 Haiku Rd.); 808-5755220; temple-of-peace.org

SUNDAY, SEPT 2 4TH ANNUAL KEIKI TILAPIA TOURNEY See picks on p. 17 for info. 8-9:30am Ka’anapali Golf Resort, (2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-8723216; mauielectric.com “ULUPALAKUA CARES” SUNDAY DRIVE EVENT - See picks on p. 17 for info. 11am-4pm Ulupalakua Ranch, (Hwy. 37, Kula); 877-8786058; mauiwine.com / ulupalakuaranch.com POI DOGGIE CONTEST 2012 - This family-fun event offers a variety of dogerrific contest categories with prizes (for poi dogs only - non-pedigree, not purebred). Categories to be judged include: Best Dressed, Best Howl, Best Trick, Dog-Owner Look-Alike, Most Mixed Up and Stellar Senior. The audience votes for Maui’s Favorite Poi Dog. Free attendance; dog entry fee is $10. 4-6pm MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

AUGUST 30, 2012 23

HAPPY HAP H APPY A Y HOU HOUR OUR 3 3-6PM/LIVE 6P PM M/LIV IIV VE M MUSI MUSIC USI US SIC EVE E EVERY VE V E WEEKEND

THURSDAY 8.30 Friday

OPEN MIC NIGHT HOSTED BY

8/31

SHAWN MICHEAL & ELAINE RYAN 9PM • NO C COVER

FRIDAY 8.31 Q103 PRESENTS

TANTRA & JACKS GISTS BDAY W/

THE HOUSE SHAKERS & DJ KAMIKAZE 9PM • NO COVER

SATURDAY 9.1

Saturday

9/1

CABARET RISQUE 10PM • $10 $ COVER

Tuesday

SUNDAY 9.2

9/4

LOUISE LAMBERT 6:30PM • NO COVER

WEDNESDAY 9 9.5 5

BLUES WITH THE HOUSE SHAKERS 8:30PM • NO COVER

808.879.3133

1945 S Kihei Road, Suite G

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT FAST FORWARD WITH DJ KURT

MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $5 BEFORE 11PM - $10 AFTER

FRIDAY AUGUST 31ST

A DOUBLE DOSE OF T.G.I.F. SOUL

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $5 COVER

OMAR & THE SOULTONES FEATURING: JAMIE

GALLO

OL’ SCHOOL DANCE PARTY W/ FUNK AND R&B SOUL MUSIC

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 2ND MANA’O RADIO PRESENTS:

SHOW 2PM- 5PM $7 COVER

UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS ACOUSTIC STYLE FEATURING:

ROBI DUGANNE + PAT SIMMONS JR. + VICTORIA HOLMAN

EVERY TUESDAY IN AUGUST

WILLIE K

SHOW STARTS AT 9PM $10 COVER

AND THE WAREHOUSE BLUES BAND MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

24 AUGUST 30, 2012

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/30

8/31

9/1

9/2

9/3-9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

JAY’S PLACE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE Farzad & Mike Madden / WED - Tracy Stiles (all sets 7pm-close; no cover)

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

WED - The Whiskey Pimps, 10pm-close; no cover

Kawika 7pm; no cover

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

John Grover 7pm; no cover

MON - That’s What I’m Talking About TUE - Da Ha-y-ans / WED - Herb Anderson (all sets 7pm; no cover)

1810 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Nuff Sedd 9-11pm; no cover

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6:30pm

MON - Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (all sets no cover)

Karaoke & Dancing 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing 9:30-close; no cover

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Jordan Tolentino 10pm-close; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE LAHAINA CAFE

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Free Karaoke w/ Danny DJ 10pm-12am; no cover Free Karaoke/Pool

MON - Trivia Night w/ John, 7-9pm / TUE - Open Mic w/ Kenny, 10pm-12am / WED Megatouch Game Day w/ Katie, 7-9pm

Pool Tournament 7-9pm Free Pool

Live Music 7-9:30pm; no cover

Free Pool

MON - Free Pool / TUE - Free Karaoke/Pool WED - Free Pool

Free Pool

Live Music 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic Night, 6-10pm; no cover (sign up starts at 5pm)

Sounds of Addiction 10pm-close; $5

Jazz All Stars, 7-10pm DJ Benjamin Jay, 10pm; $5

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Karaoke Night 10:30pm; no cover

Latin Night w/ DJ Danny 10pm; $10

DJs Big Mike and Money Mike in the Mix, 10pm, $10

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MON - The Benoits / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all sets 6-9pm)

The Celtic Tigers w/ Bagpiper Roger McKinely 6:30-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Robi Duganne, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover / TUE - Brenton Keith, 7-8pm; no cover WED - Willie K, 7-9pm; $65 dinner & show

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

TUE - Johnny Ringo, 8-10pm

Benoit Jazz Works 7-9pm; no cover

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Willie K, 7-9pm; $65 dinner & show / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish da Dish!, 9:30pm; no cover

Closed for Private Party 5pm

Joe Benedett with Guitarist/Songwriter Steve 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

Salsa Night w/ Nieto and Barbara, 7:30pm; no cover

Bottoms Up Fridays w/ NLE, 10pm; no cover

Latin Night 10pm; no cover

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

STARRY NIGHT CINEMA - MY DOG SKIP See picks on p. 17 for info. Free. 7pm A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAD HATTER NIGHT - Grab your kookiest, craziest, or coolest hat for a chance to win a giveaway.

Speciality cocktails by American Harvest Spirits.

Music by Kanoa. No Cover. 9pm South Shore Tiki Lounge, (Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; southshoretikilounge.com

TUESDAY, SEPT 4 WELCOME RECEPTION FOR VISITING SCHOLARS FROM THE PHILIPPINES - UH Maui College, Kabalikat Council and the Filipino community, welcomes five visiting scholars from Mariano Marcos State University. Festivities include entertainment and a silent auction to raise funds for the advancement of Filipinos in higher education. $100 per person. King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-249-2544; kamehamehagolf.com “A NEW DAY” EXHIBIT BY ELEYKAA TAHLEH - “A New Day” is a collection of paintings created on location throughout Maui.

Tahleh paints with vibrant Japanese watercolors, mounts the paintings on wooden canvases then coats them with resin. The exhibit will hang Sept. 4-30 with an opening reception to meet the artist on Sept. 8 at 6pm. 9am-5pm Lahaina Arts Society Gallery, (648 Wharf St.); 808-6610111; lahaina-arts.com

WEDNESDAY, SEPT 5 “MAUI’S NATIVE FOREST BIRDS” PRESENTATION - Laura Berthold, an ornithological research biologist of the Maui Forest Bird Recovery Project, will speak on information about the ecological history of Maui’s native forest birds.

Free. 5-6:30pm Makawao Public Library, (1159

WED - Kenny Roberts, 6-9pm; no cover

Makawao Ave.); 808-573-8785; librarieshawaii. org/locations/maui/makawao.htm MAUI SMUG - The In-Real-Life Forum for All Social Media Users on Maui. Capacity is limited.

Be sure to register early. Free (Not Catered).

4-6:30pm Honua Kai Resort & Spa, (130 Kai Malina Parkway, Lahaina); mauismug.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI 100WINES - Fri, Indio & Avi 8-10pm. (Lahaina Gateway Center, 325 Keawe St. #105); 808-661-6181.

CANOES - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm; Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0937.

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed, Ekolu Kalama 7-9:30pm; Thu, Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; Fri, Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; Sun, Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7-9:30pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

COOL CAT CAFE - Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:3010pm; Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Mon, Peter deAquino 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz 7:3010pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm; Every Mon & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Daniel & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. - Fri, Live music 6-9pm; Thu, Erin Smith 6-9pm. (744 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-669-6425.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm.

(900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400.

HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback & Junior Lacuesta 1:30pm; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku & Peter DeAquino 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Kulewa 6:30pm; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Albert 6:30pm; Sat, Ron, Ikaika & Damon 1:30pm; Sat, Derick & Damon 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm; Fri, Guest Performer 7pm; Fri, Tracy Stiles 7pm; Every Sun, Mon & Tue, Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapiilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai ); 808-667-0787.

Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm.

(730 Front St.); 808-661-0700.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); (808) 661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr); 808-667-1200.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Justin Phillips 6:309:30pm; Sat, Ben DeLeon 6:30-9:30pm; Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, The Benoits 5:308:30pm; Tue, David Choy 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400.

PARADISE GRILL - Thu, Mark Johnson & John Zangrande 6-9pm; Fri, Teri Garrison 6-8pm; Sat, JD & Harry 6-8pm; Sun, Hawaiian Music Night 6-8pm; Mon, Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6-9pm; Tue, JD & Harry 6-8pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700.

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Sat, Jazz on the Green 7-10pm; Fri, Jawaiian Music 7-10pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.

KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Nuff Sedd 9-11pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Sun, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm.

(658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.

LAHAINA CAFE - Fri, Alex L Calma 7-9pm. (843 Wainee St. Unit 1 & 2); 808-667-6655.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm; Tue, Piano Jazz w/ Gene Argel 6-9pm.

(4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-669-8889.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm;

RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.

AUGUST 30, 2012 25

26 AUGUST 30, 2012

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

8/30

8/31

9/1

9/2

9/3-9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

PARADISE GRILL 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 662-3700

Mark Johnson & John Zangrande, 6-9pm

Teri Garrison, 6-8pm Live music or DJ, 10pm

Hawaiian Music 6-8pm

RB STEAKHOUSE

WED - Open Mic Night, 9:30pm; no cover

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina - 669-8889

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Un-corked & Unplugged 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

DJ Blast 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

R.S. SHARKY’S 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 874-6115

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA 505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coelho Morrison 7-9pm; Sun, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili); 808-669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Mon, Toby Couture & John Michael 8pm; Thu, Toby Couture & John Michael 8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm.

(300 Maalaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286.

BUZZ’S WHARF - Thu, Kanikapila Thursdays with Ernest Puaa 4-7:30pm. (390 Maalaea Boat Harbor Rd.); 808-244-5426.

CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm; Sun, Mark Johnstone 6-9pm; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. (555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, Gina Martenilli 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. #314); 808-874-9299.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Junior Lacuesta 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Mon, Jacob (of the Alliez) 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E); 808-891-8010.

JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Piikea Ave., Kihei); 808-875-9464.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Thu, Island favorites with Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Girls Night Out with Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian and Friends 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Music by Rama 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret & Wilson 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Wolf 3-5pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Barefoot Minded 3-5pm; Sat, Erin Smith 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 3-5pm;

Mad Hatter Night w/ music by Kanoa 9pm-close; no cover

MON - DJ Salvo playing old school/hip hip TUE - DJ LX / WED - Ladies’ Night w/ DJ Decka (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Karaoke 4pm; no cover

WED - Free Karaoke/Pool, open-close

Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; no cover

MON - Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm (all sets no cover)

Live Music 5:30-7:30pm; no cover

WED - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks; 7pm; no cover

Jordan & Gordon 9pm-midnight; no cover

2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON

MON - Lenny Castellanos & Mark Johnstone, 6-9pm / TUE - Gene & Shea, 6-9pm / WED Johnny Ringo w/ Mark D’Antonio,10pm-1am

Bike Night w/ Vince Esquire, 7pm, no cover

Andy Kaina and the Kaina Kountry Band, 8:30pm

Ah-Tim 4-6pm; no cover

Baby Micaela Fundraiser feat. Ekolu Kalama, Inna Vision & more, 7pm; $10

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

Jerry Caires Band 9pm; $4

Karaoke/Family Night 6pm; no cover

Live Music & Dancing 8pm; no cover

Open Mic Night w/ Shaun Michael, 9pm; no cover

The House Shakers & DJ Kamikaze, 9pm; no cover

Cabaret Risque 10pm; $10

Louise Lambert 6:30pm; no cover

WED - The House Shakers 8:30pm

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

closed

We Love Timba Fridays 9:45pm-2am; $10

Spun Out Saturdays 9:45pm-2am; $10

Labor Day White Party 9:45-2am; $10

MON through WED - closed

Twisted Thursdays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Forbidden Fridays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

MON - Free Karaoke, 9pm / TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles’ Night w/ X-Klusive Sounds Productions, 10pm (All sets no cover)

Sun, Kilohana 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Ron & Tarvin 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kilohana 6:30-8:30pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201); 808-891-2322.

MONSOON INDIA - Sat, Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, The Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. (760 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-4555.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Tue, Brenton Keith and his Bag O’ Tricks 7-8pm; Thu, Willie K 7-9pm; Sat, Joe Benedett with Guitarist/Songwriter Steve 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, Robi Duganne 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Willie K 6-8pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. (Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779.

Free Pool open-close

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE - Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:309:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:308pm; Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm. (1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului); 808-877-0073.

MAIN STREET BISTRO - Mon, Rhythm & Blues with Freedom 6:30-9:30pm. (2051 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-6816.

WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Live music 5-7pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku);.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Thu, Joe Conte 6:308:30pm; Sat, Live Argentinian music 6:308:30pm; Wed, Mark Johnstone 6:30-8:30pm.

(42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323.

CASANOVA - Sun, Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style featuring Robi Duganne, Pat Simmons Jr. and Victoria Holman 2-5pm. (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220.

CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Tue, Howard Ahia & Friends 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085.

FATBURGER - Sat, Guitar with Benny Uyetake & Robbie Ray 11:30am-2pm; Fri, Guitar with Benny Uyetake & Robbie Ray 5:30-8pm. (55 Pukalani St.); 808-573-2159.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - Sun, Randall Rospond 5:30-8pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Tue, Hipnautical 6-9pm.

(810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661.

LILIKOI GRILL RESTAURANT & WINE BAR - Every Thu & Sat, Live Music 7-9:30pm. (810 Kokomo Road, Suite 186); 808-575-2629.

MAKAWAO STEAK HOUSE - Sat, Live music w/ Randall Rospond (in the lounge next to the fireplace) 5:30-8:30pm. (3612 Baldwin Ave.); 808-572-8711.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Thu, Benoit Jazz Works 7-9pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-9999.

NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm.

(824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku); 808-575-2770.

PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am. (43 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-3111.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112); 808-875-2910.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080.

H A W A I I ’ S

P A R T Y

S T A T I O N

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Sun, Mon & Wed, Hawaiian Music 5-8pm; Sun, Louise Lambert 6:309pm; Every Tue, Thu, Fri & Sat, Acoustic with Chad Kaya 5-8pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

AUGUST 30, 2012 27

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Horoscope

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) I love embarrassing you, Virgo. I relish the way you blush to the roots of your hair and smile sheepishly as if you feel good all over. You must adore being teased. This week you’re due to receive some of the most euphorically ego-boosting compliments you’ve ever heard—but please give as good as you get. Pretend you’re your friends’ agent, lawyer, or conniving, matchmaking mother. Publicly cast them in the most flattering spotlight possible. The quality of your advocacy will determine in which category the comments regarding you will fall: humiliating accuracy, or embarrassing lavishness. I’m sure you appreciate the distinction.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) You’ve got one can of spinach left, Popeye. Make it count. This particular batch of greens has an imminent expiration date. So deliver your knockout punch early and effectively. Otherwise, we could be in for a long, exhausting bout of half-hearted, delirious blows, with no one getting the upper hand for hours. You’re too evenly matched without your secret green weapon.

Don’t let this become a grueling test of endurance.

Swing high while those muscles are bulging. Olive Oyl’s watching, and if you can’t impress her, I can’t help but doubt your ability to impress anyone.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Rumor has it ravens are attracted to shiny objects, octopi are smarter than cats, and Scorpios have powerful, venomous stings. All of the above theories may be true, but there’s no proof. As your astrological attorney, I’ll also point out that statistically, those who possess stingers are more than twice as likely to prick themselves than anyone else. Your defending argument when accused of wielding your stinger inappropriately: I was aiming for myself. It’s not much of a defense, but at this point, it’s all we’ve got. I’m legally obligated to say this: You may lose the case.

But don’t worry; Scorpios have a knack for being sentenced with punishments they’ll enjoy.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) The coach of the winning sports team often gets a cooler full of ice water dumped over his head—by his own team. However unpleasant, it’s an expression of affection and appreciation. In a similar fashion, the dousing blast of chill you may be deluged with this week is not intended to actually extinguish your internal flame. You’re supposed to grin through the freezing flow. Just like those comedic roasts where friends take turns ridiculing someone they dearly love.

Stoke up your flames this week, so they’re not put out by people celebrating their warmth.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) I know Capricorns who refuse to put hot sauce on anything, or eat a meal that’s even remotely spicy.

Maybe they think one fire in the belly is enough. I’d agree, if it went even halfway towards warming your icy cold feet. Your unreasonable reluctance to go through with your promises is so lame. I can only warn you: If you don’t soon demonstrate what an honorable creature of integrity you actually are, those who are counting on your word will be surreptitiously spicing your food with red peppers and horseradish into next year. That punishment hurts going in and coming out.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) You’ve heard the adage: you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. I’ve got a similar one for you: You can kill more slugs with a plate of flat beer than a dozen pair of murderous bare hands. Plucking and crushing the slimy things off your garden plants may yield some bizarre pleasure, in the same realm as popping zits or burping babies. But it’s time-consuming, gross, and ineffective. Try a different strategy: Give your unwary adversaries a little too much of exactly what they want—enough for them to drown in, anyway.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) There are ways and ways to express yourself. When

people don’t seem to understand what you’re trying to communicate, it may very well be their own obtuseness getting in the way. However, I hope you’re flexible enough to consider that you’re not being clear or obvious enough. Very often, Pisces err on the side of polite subtlety and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t do that this week. Be huge, be massively obvious, and use the strongest language you can to convey your message. It’s important enough to deserve at least all that.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Now that you’ve astounded everyone with that daring plunge through rings of fire, the only obvious way out of the shockingly deep pool at the bottom is by hoisting yourself up on those very same flaming hoops. Better put on your helmet and asbestos gloves, right? Not necessarily. There’s an easier and even more dramatic way out. You’ve turned into quite a good swimmer, over the past few shipwrecked and stormy months. Swim to the bottom and pull the plug. I guarantee the water will have completely drained before you drown—but not before you’ve thoroughly thrilled your adoring audience. And so the legend continues.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions from page 4

1: B–Two petrels and one nene.

2: E–$52,800.

3: D–A 50-year-old child’s skull.

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TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) You plan and plan and plan. You might take years setting up a business plan, marriage proposal, or practical joke (or all three in one!). But sometimes you simply have to act. Jump from the plane, and all your ticket-purchasing, insurance comparison, weather consultation, and devout prayer comes to less than naught—you either open the parachute or you splat. I won’t predict that this week contains one of those allor-nothing moments. But I will caution you—they have a tendency to sneak up on you, and I’ve noticed one or two lurking behind the bushes around your house.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) The Worriers are the people who fret about you, constantly. They’ll feel anxious until they finally get you strapped into a posture-perfect bed, reading a quality book in good light, hooked up to an IV of chicken soup and listening to soothing music playing softly in the background. Going there would probably cause you to suffer from a terminally fatal yawn, so don’t. However, please realize that these people like to worry. Give them reasons to feel pleasurably anxious! Fill up your IV bag with Jack Daniels, read radical porno-political tracts, and bungee jump, if you feel inclined. Or not. Just don’t hold yourself back on anyone else’s account.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) The biggest impediment to your creative process is this misconception you have that you’re not a creative person. Okay, maybe you’re not inventing extravagant stage personas for yourself like a glamorous Leo, or concocting nympho love potions like those crafty Capricorns. But you’d be surprised at how creative you really are. In fact, if you subtracted from this week all the nifty shortcuts, systems and plans you’ve created to facilitate your life, I doubt you’d get anything done. If single-handedly inventing your own versions of efficiency, progress, and effectiveness isn’t being creative, I don’t know what is.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) The evil queen might magically (or through plastic surgery) adopt the cherubic face of blossoming youth, but she won’t regain her lost innocence.

Similarly Snow White could don black leather and wield automatic weapons; alone, they won’t make her any tougher, though. Or will they? Perhaps if an awful old hag got to put on the pretty naiveté of childhood, even as a ruse, there’s a chance she could relearn blind trust and idealism. And Snow White, all decked out like a post-apocalyptic road warrior, might actually have to use those deadly guns—that’d toughen her up pretty quick. In a similar fashion, you might find that the act you’ve been putting on is slowly—but surely— becoming less of an act and more of a reality.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

AUGUST 30, 2012 29

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