15.14 Requiem For A Stream, September 22, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 14, MauiTime

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Contents VOLUME 15

✚

READER FEEDBACK

ISSUE 14

BY READERS LIKE YOU HIGH TECH LETTERS

COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s you favorite bridge?

Illustration by the amazing Jon Sperry jonsperry.com

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter The Bridge on the River Kwai Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter London Proofreader: Dina Wilson Any bridge in Paris Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Jacob Shafer, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Intern: Natasha-Lyn P. Mendoza Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director & Production Manager: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Jeff Bridges Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Gina Lollo-bridge-ida

5 NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY 10 LIFESTYLE 12 FILM CRITIQUE 16 FILM TIMES 17 THIS WEEK’S PICKS 19 22 DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID 23 KULA KID 28 HOROSCOPE 29 CLASSIFIED 30 31 MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter The Bridge to Terabitha Administrative Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 That bridge over Main in Wailuku Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown The Golden Gate Bridge Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Bay Bridge (before it broke)

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year.

Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

NOW N OW FEATURING FEATURING S PECIALIZED SPECIALIZED

I love that Maui is thinking big and that successful entrepreneurs consider this a possibility (“All Hands On Tech,” Sept. 15, 2011). I also think that a focused and realistic approach to attract technology firms would be the wisest. Maui does not have the resources for general software development. We are remote, highly regulated, have a high cost of living and expensive real estate and we have a limited university presence. The clean energy goals for Hawaii and the bountiful sunshine, wind, waves and limited geography would seemingly make us a natural spot to develop and test green energy technologies. It would seem to me that we should focus on that segment of the market if we want to create a niche with higher paying jobs...

-Billy Jalbert, via Mauitime.com I lived and worked in Silicon Valley before it was Silicon Valley. The article has good balance by listing a number of good ideas and includes the obstacles to get “Silicon Island” off the ground. The article indicates that this can all happen in “internet time” or almost overnight.

One thing to remember about Silicon Valley is that it did not happen in a short period of time. The first step was probably Hewlett and Packard in their rented garage who developed their first product in the ‘30s. Their first customer was Walt Disney. Overshadowed by HP were the Varian brothers who also built a good sized company in the same period of time.

It wasn’t until almost 50 years later when the concept of Silicon Valley came into being. In those 50 years a lot of things had to happen. High end university engineering and MBA programs, tons of VC money, herds of techies, stuff like that.

It would be great to see a bunch of surfers with money to burn set up a technology outpost on Maui but without the schools and herds of techies it’ll be a long time coming. One question: Why would anyone want to base start ups in Wailuku or Kahului? Set them up in either Kihei or Lahaina where good housing is available and the techies can either walk or bike to work.

-Mike, via Mauitime.com GREAT IDEA! BUT, the economic and political conditions created by the state and county coconut heads make MAUI the last place any experienced business person to invest or create a business. Fortunately, MAUI is a great place to visit! It is not a place to create and grow a business.

-Julie Bean, via Mauitime.com

SWEET! Anu, you are my favorite writer ever! I was driving along the highway the other night and the moon was rising really low on the horizon. It was a little more than half full and was bright orange. It made me think of that

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article you wrote a while back about the gummy orange slice candies. In fact, I have randomly thought about that article many times. Anyway, you’re awesome and keep up the good work! Miss you!

-Jill, via Mauitime.com

BOO BOO NEIGHBOR I would like to correct the misconception in the letter from Judy Riley that claims the “raid was likely related to their next door neighbor who has been rallying to close the shelter for years” (Feedback, Sept. 8, 2011). I think my family property is Sylvan’s closest neighbor, sharing a long contiguous border for 30 years or so. We certainly support the Boo Boo Zoo. The current fencing project to save the deer is using access over our property for stakes, fencing, etc, and I have created an email list of about 40 people from my own mailing list who have expressed a desire to help. These people have come to assist in clearing for fencing, called the Governor, Mayor, Forestry Division, and made monetary donations to the Boo Boo Zoo. I am not aware of any neighbors “rallying to close the shelter.” I certainly would have heard if that were indeed the case. We’re a pretty peaceful neighborhood around here.

I think at this point we should all focus on positive support for the Boo Boo Zoo. I am sure Sylvan would welcome Judy in boots and gloves to help with the fencing project, as well as anyone else who would like to join in... no skills or experience necessary!

-Karen Jennings, Haiku

CASE FOR/AGAINST CASE [Ed] Case is a far better choice than [Mazie] Hirono (“Talking With...” Sept. 15, 2011). She is just too far to the left and lacks any independence from the party leadership. She does whatever they tell her to do.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com Case isn’t moderate. He’s right-wing.

He’s an old-fashioned REPUBLICAN (like the ones before the Republican party lost their collective minds). He was unapologetically in favor of the invasion of Iraq and supported the Iraq war long after wiser politicians figured out it was a bad idea. He’s a HAWK. He’s a BLUE DOG. He admits he’s a Blue Dog. Remember all the trouble the Blue Dogs caused us over health care reform? That’s why we don’t have a public option. Mazie has consistently fought for us. She’s kept every promise she’s made.

She gets our projects funded. Ed Case was always all about cutting everything EXCEPT WAR just like the idiot Reagan worshipers.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com If Hirono is far-left, she has my vote. We don’t have enough leftists in government.

Ed should just give up.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com

Send your feedback to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime.

We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

NEWS&VIEWS

THE POWER OF GREAT IDEAS K

Or, the challenge of building TEDxMaui

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

atie McMillan is looking for ideas. Ideas that are new, elegant, thoughtful, brilliant, fascinating and, most important, world-changing. It’s difficult, time-consuming and, with deadlines looming, rather stressful.

“It’s the power of great ideas,” she told me a few weeks ago over salads at Cafe O’Lei in Wailuku. “Finding the right people to speak is like treasure hunting.”

McMillan has a tough job, but the payoff is enormous. She’s co-producing TEDxMaui’s inaugural event, which will be held early next year at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center’s Castle Theater.

TED, which stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design began in 1984 as a dinner party. Founder and architect Richard Saul Wurman wanted “the world’s best dinner party,” according to a Sept. 1, 2010 Fast Company story on TED. The first event was a mix of circus acts and presentations by Bill Gates and Billy Graham,

2 1 for

though Wurman made explicit that no talk would run more than 18 minutes.

“Fifteen minutes would be trivial, too short,” Wurman told Fast Company. “If you said 20, people would talk for 25; 19 seems perverse, 17 is a prime number, so I made it 18.”

Today TED is a global phenomena— YouTube clips of TED Talks made by Bill Clinton (rebuilding Rwanda), Joan Halifax (compassion) and Rory Stewart (exiting Afghanistan), which are always made free to the public after events, pop up on Facebook and Twitter hourly. The talks also end up in classrooms.

Now before proceeding it’s important to say explicitly what this is not. It’s not a lecture or a series of speeches, nor is it a formal meeting. It has no question and answer session at the end (seats are also limited to 600, with 100 of those reserved for students). Most importantly, it’s not a TED Talk—TED, ever careful about the organization’s brand, is NOT coming to Maui.

Rather, McMillan described this as a

ot, ful Pil kai” onder lo W o , M e d ic t Serv ee Maui an “Grea s o t r y o a is ome w - Trip Adv Awes

“locally produced TED-like event,” though TEDxMaui presentations will go onto YouTube just like regular TED Talks.

TED may also pick up one or more Maui presentations.

“I would love to see presentations from Maui appear on TED.com,” McMillan said.

“It would allow us to share our unique wisdom with the world.”

Who exactly will appear at the TEDxMaui conference won’t be made public until Oct. 1 (tickets, costing $99 for the daylong event, go on sale Oct. 3--those interested should visit tedxmaui.com). McMillan said she’s looking for a variety of speakers who will appear under the theme “The Courage to Dream,” which, to be honest, is vague enough to include nearly anyone.

In many ways, TEDxMaui’s event is better than an official TED Conference, which can cost attendees thousands of dollars as well as require formal applications. One of the biggest criticisms of TED was that it was elitist—open only to a select, hand-picked few (indeed, there’s actually a page on the official TED website titled “Is TED elitist?”).

By franchising the TED name to 600 or so independent groups around the world, TED opened up huge opportunities for people who, for whatever reason, simply can’t be part of TED. Though taking on a free TEDx (the “x” means independent) brand brings with it numerous requirements, most notably an agreement that any TEDx conference can’t last longer than a day or include more than 100 people (unless one of the organizers has attended

an official TED conference).

For McMillan, who previously worked at Maui Community College and Inner Ocean Publisher (Karen Bouris, that company’s former publisher, is also affiliated with TEDxMaui), attending the December 2010 TEDWomen conference in Washington, D.C. was a revelation. “While I was there, listening to a talk by Elizabeth Kapu`uwailani Lindsey, the first female fellow and first Polynesian explorer at the National Geographic Society, I knew that Maui would benefit from this experience,” she said.

Those wishing to attend need to understand that this is more like a seminar than a simple speech. They must be active participants, willing to listen, of course, but also to offer their own insight and ideas, as well as network (TED attendees often say the networking alone makes participation worthwhile). TEDxMaui is in every sense of the word an experiment, and the possibility of future events hinges on how things go in January.

“I have always been inspired by all the creative minds I have come across on Maui and I want the world to know that Maui is much more than just a place to relax on the beach,” said McMillan. “My goal with TEDxMaui is to inspire the creation of a local brain trust and celebrate great ideas so that our local economy and community can thrive.”■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514n1

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The Sept. 15, 2011 Maui News contained a story about the prosecution of a man who allegedly tried to drive over two security guards at the Keanae SOURCE festival in February who also, incidentally, was later found naked, wearing a monkey mask and carrying a small umbrella shortly before being captured.

A. True B. False C. That is the best story ever!

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2. This month, specialists from the Army

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Corps of Engineers will search for unexploded bombs and munitions in the AhihiKinau Natural Area Reserve. According to the Sept. 19, 2011 Maui News, which of the following are NOT part of the “three Rs” that people who stumble across an unexploded bomb should undertake?

A. “Recognize” that these bombs could be dangerous.

B. “Retreat” by moving away from the item in question.

C. “Report” the item by calling 911.

D. “Run” like hell if you come across a bomb.

and Sierra Club Hawaii wrote a letter to Governor Neil Abercrombie protesting two recent proclamations from his office, one of which was “the suspension “of nearly every environmental and procurement law so as to allow the removal and transportation of endangered nene geese from Kauai to other islands.” Which of the following reasons lay behind the groups’ letter?

A. The governor’s insistence that this was done to protect nene from being struck by aircraft is bogus.

B. Civil Beat noted on Sept. 12 that the state has so far spent $7.2 million “without the report of a single nene goose strike.”

C. The state Department of Transportation says the concern over nene geese getting hit by aircraft “is the least of our concerns when it comes to bird mitigation.”

D. Of the 1,054 birds struck by aircraft at Lihue Airport since 1995, exactly zero have been nene.

E. All of the above F. None of the above G. A and B only H. C and D only

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

HALLOWEEN RETURNS! That’s right kiddies: The full and complete Halloween festivities that once crowned Lahaina the “Mardis Gras of the Pacific”— not seen since 2007—are coming back this year, according to a County of Maui press release sent out last night.

“It has been the desire of our administration to bring back a safe, fun, family-friendly Halloween event to Front Street,” said Maui County Mayor Alan Arakawa in the news release. “Our residents and merchants have asked for it, and my administration has worked hard with multiple community groups, organizations, and government agencies to bring this event back.”

Lahaina’s Halloween festival became controversial a few years ago for it not being sufficiently Hawaiian. Apparently, that’s not longer an issue—or rather, it’s not an issue with the current administration.

Frankly, no one said a word about Lahaina’s Halloween festivities until Charmaine Tavares became mayor. It’s pretty clear to old hands around the island that she didn’t like the street festival activities, and for all intents and purposes, she shut it down. Now that she’s no longer mayor, it should surprise no one that Arakawa—who campaigned on bringing Halloween back—has done so.

Anyway, the Maui Police Department will close Front Street between Baker and Prison streets from 3:30pm to midnight on Monday, Oct. 31. There’s also going to be the always cute Keiki Parade as well as keiki ghost stories, face painting, a costume contest and live music at Banyan Tree Park and Campbell Park. And yes, there will be official “Back on Front” Halloween merch for sale.

Because the press release also contains the statement that the county “will continue to work closely with Maui Police Department to ensure public safety in its highest form,” you can expect to see legions of Maui PD officers during the street festival.

So have fun, but please be safe. There will be additional buses running to and from Lahaina that night, and the county is asking

Westside bars and restaurants to serve free soft drinks to designated drivers.

ALL HAIL COSTCO? A friend of mine here on Maui recently tried to get a post office box. To do this, she needed to show two forms of identification. She first

Best news photo ever!

tried to give them her driver’s license and her Social Security card. They accepted the license, but not the Social Security card (it lacks the photo and physical description that make it a legal form of identification). In despair, she handed them her white Costco membership card, which on the back contained her name and a small, fuzzy black & white digital image of her face.

That worked.

The top story in the Sept. 14 Maui News detailed how the Maui Planning Commission gave the unanimous go-ahead for Costco to expand its Kahului outlet to include a larger warehouse as well as a new gas station and car wash. That’s actually a small matter when compared to the revelation in the story’s fifth paragraph that Costco officials estimate that there are, presently, “as many as 91,000 Costco cardholders on Maui—almost 90 percent of the island’s

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adult population.”

This, I’m sure, surprises no one who has spent more than 30 seconds in a Maui grocery store. Still, I’m fascinated by the math here: 91,000 cardholders times a minimum $50 annual membership fee equals… roughly $4.55 million in annual fees alone Costco collects of island residents — and that’s assuming everyone opted for the cheapest membership package, which I’m guessing they did not.

So yeah, I guess holding a Costco card is like a special Maui ID. And yes, I too am a Costco member.

But are we, in our zeal for low, low prices, moving that much closer to the terrifying future imagined by that great futurist Mike Judge, who in his ground-breaking film Idiocracy envisioned Costco as a kind of super societal hub, offering literally everything (including law degrees) anyone might want?

Then again, this might not necessarily be a bad thing. Costco may be a giant in the retail industry, but it also appears to be a fair employer. According to a June 22, 2011 Money & Business article, Costco pays its employees so well when compared to other retail giants that critics say it hurts the bottom line. The story, however, points out that Costco sees things very differently: “However, Costco CEO, James Sinegal, views things differently. He believes that by paying employees higher wages than

other companies in the same industry, he’s building a strong company that will last for years. His philosophy attracts and retains workers; Costco has a low turnover rate when compared to other companies, and employee satisfaction is generally high.

This saves the company money in the long run, because they have to search for and train fewer workers.”

So there you go. I suppose we’ve had worse overlords in the past.

GRIM ANIMAL MATH Starting this year, the Maui Humane Society, a 58-year-old nonprofit that provides animal management services for the County of Maui, will release a statistical breakdown of its annual activities.

“It is our role, under the County contract, to accept all homeless, abused, unwanted, and abandoned animals on Maui,” said Maui Humane Society CEO Jocelyn Bouchard in a Sept. 15, 2011 news release.

“We are the only agency on the island with this kind of open-door policy. When our shelter is full, we do not have the option to turn animals away. Thousands are adopted or returned to their owners through our programs; others, however, are euthanized when there is simply no more space.”

The numbers tell a grim story: of the 9,402 animals received during the 2010/2011 year, 5,174 animals were euthanized (167 of which were considered “healthy”). These numbers represent a slight improvement over previous years— the shelter killed 5,258 animals during the 2009/2010 year, and another 6,077 during the 2008/2009 year—but are nonetheless a stark reminder that huge numbers of residents continue to ignore pleas to get their pets spayed or neutered.■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514n2

Overheard “My neighbor paid $300,000 for his house. At one point, it was worth about $1.2 million. Then, at the height of the recession, it dropped to about $600,000.”

Man at the Wailea Beach Marriott, Sept. 18

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7

NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

ARDAHAWAII AWARDS SCHOLARSHIPS Chassidy Sakamoto and Bronson MaulupeKanae, two Hawaii Pacific University students from Kahului, were awarded $1,000 from the American Resort Development Association of Hawaii’s (ARDA-Hawaii) Steve Hirano Memorial Scholarship for the

Grand Vacations Club’s Asia/Pacific region. “The generosity of the donors and sponsors who support the scholarship fund make it possible for us to continue helping students pursuing careers in our state’s most prominent industry.”

Each year, ARDA-Hawaii raises money from its annual golf tournament to support the Steve Hirano Memorial Scholarship fund, created as a tribute to the late public affairs executive and long-time sup-

Since its inception seven years ago, the ARDA-Hawaii Golf Tournament has raised more than $70,000 for the scholarship fund. ARDA-Hawaii is the local chapter of the American Resort Development Association, the national timeshare trade association. The state’s timeshare units account for 13 percent of the state’s visitor lodging inventory and thousands of jobs. You can learn more about “Timeshare with Aloha” at www.ARDA.org.

SPCA MAUI HELPS FIX CATS

Chassidy Sakamoto and Bronson Maulupe-Kanae

2011-2012 academic year.

Maulupe-Kanae graduated from Maui High School in 2009 and is scheduled to graduate from HPU with a bachelor’s degree in the spring of 2013. His parents are Clarke and Miriam Maulupe-Kanae. Sakamoto, who also hails from Kahului, is a 2010 graduate of H.P. Baldwin High School and should graduate in the spring of 2014. She is the daughter of Jason Sakamoto and Rosalind Kaholokula.

Bronson is currently studying in Nagoya, Japan and plans to use the funds for this trip. “My future plans involve interacting with tourists of many different backgrounds,” Maulupe-Kanae says.

Sakamoto will be using her scholarship funds for fall semester at HPU. “I want to be a future leader in the hospitality industry,” says Chassidy. “By spring 2014, I will graduate with a Bachelors of Science in Business Administration, double majoring in Travel Industry Management and General Business. I am currently seeking internship opportunities on Oahu in order for me to start networking with prospective employers and companies and begin acquiring the job skills needed to be successful in the hospitality industry.”

“Bronson and Chassidy exemplify the kind of driven and ardent students and young professionals Hawaii needs in timeshare and travel industry management,” says ARDA-Hawaii Chair Daniel Dinell, who is also Regional Vice President of Sales & Marketing Programs for Hilton

8

SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

porter of the timeshare industry in Hawaii.

ARDA-Hawaii established the scholarship to facilitate the education of students attending HPU and to provide an opportunity for students to pursue a career in the timeshare industry, especially those from Hawaii. To qualify for consideration, applicants must be enrolled full-time in the TIM program with a Junior or Se-nior class status, and have a 3.20 minimum GPA.

Chances are you’ve seen a feral cat or 12 on Maui. MauiTime reported on the problem of the island’s wild cats back in November 2009. Since then the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) formed a chapter here as an all-volunteer non-profit player in the homeless pets issue on the the Valley Isle. SPCA Maui’s goal is dedicated to “no more homeless pets” on Maui and ending the killing of companion animals as a means to population control. It is a lofty goal, though within a year of forming they have just accomplished a marathon of fixing felines: 178 cats in eight hours.

Whitney White, SPCA Maui’s president, says their focus right now is on providing affordable accessible spay/neuter services without regard to ability to pay and they have a S/N Assistance Program (SNAP) that partners with local veterinarians.

“Our immediate goal is to raise enough funds so that all we can provide spay/neuter to services to all who ask for our assistance,” says White. “We are also working to raise $200,000 to acquire, staff and maintain a mobile spay/neuter facility that can help reach communities like Hana and Kaa hakaloa or even Lanai or Molokai.”

Their recent efforts to spay/ neut neuter the 178 cats was a joint effor effort with the Maui Humane

TWEET of the WEEK “Ahahaha! Taguma got me in the ten minutes I was visiting. Now, I feel like I’m in some special Taguma hating club.”

-@angryshortgirl (writer Ynez Tongson), Sept. 19

Fixed!

Society and the Feline Foundation. With help from Maui Humane Society staff and more than 20 volunteers from SPCA and the Feline Foundation, tents and tables were set up and the cats were registered and checked in for surgery. Members from the community came from as far away as Hana to utilize the much needed services.

“The expression herding cats is appropriate,” was how White described the efforts to coordinate a mass spay/neuter event. “Many hours go into preparation, scheduling, promoting, with many more hours dedicated to trapping and returning community or feral cats. Hundreds of volunteer hours go into events like this one though every spay/neuter clinic gets easier, more affordable, and requires less volunteer hours.”

The surgeries were performed by Dr. Hatt, a Hawaii-based and licensed veterinarian. Hatt’s team worked with precision in MHS’s conference room with stations for examination, sedation and presurgical prep. All cats received a tattoo for identification. Additionally, the feral cats received a small identifying notch in the ear. After surgery caring volunteers monitored the recovery.

Just a few hours after surgery, caretakers and owners were contacted and began returning to pick-up their newly fixed cats.

Any feral cats were registered as part of Feline Foundation’s Trap/Neuter/Return Management program and were returned to the location where they were trapped, to (hopefully) live out their lives as healthy, non-reproducing animals.

The SPCA wants to create a mobile spay neuter facility and a “no-kill” sanctuary. In the mean time, all funds will go directly to spay/neuter services and education. The SPCA supports the work of Maui’s other animal non-profits and hopes everyone can work together to create alternatives to the killing of animals for population control.

“Fund raising in these tough times is always a challenge,” says White. “Raising funds for spay and neuter can be tougher than raising money for a shelter because we are trying to prevent litters of those cute puppies and kittens, not find them homes.

Although we know that spay/neuter is the only way to ‘fix’ our pet over-population problem and stop the killing, it just isn’t that warm and fuzzy.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514n3

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

GOD IS A CABBIE?!

“When I get to Africa, I have to worship him,” said Elizabeth Osei, part-time first lady of the Akwamu people of eastern Ghana, speaking of her husband Isaac, who is the Akwamu chief. “When I get back, he has to worship me” (because Elizabeth is the president of the couple’s New York City taxi company, where they work 12-hour days when they’re not Ghanian royalty). Isaac’s reign, according to an August New York Times report, covers several months a year and requires divinelike wisdom in adjudicating his people’s disputes.

Another New Yorker with a prestigious double life is Mohamed Mohamed, a state transportation bureaucrat, who recently returned to his cubicle in Buffalo, N.Y., after nine months as prime minister of Somalia. The Buffalo News reported that the Somali native, though shocked by the level of the country’s dysfunction, at least got to stand up to “terrorists, pirates and warlords” and “address dignitaries from the United Nations.”

WOOHOO! FREE HEALTH CARE! Until recently, impoverished Indonesians sought to cure various illnesses (such as diabetes and high blood pressure) by lying on railroad tracks as trains approached, thus allowing electrical charges from the tracks to course therapeutically through their bodies.

A combination of anecdotal successes and dissatisfaction with the state-operated health care system led to the instances in which hundreds at a time lay on the tracks, according to an August Associated Press dispatch.

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND In February, 12 villagers from a South African shantytown allegedly burned down a pastor’s home and killed him out of anger and fear that he was using an “invisible penis” to seduce women.

The accused, who are due to answer for their superstition in court in September, according to African Eye News Service, became 11 in May when one of the men died mysteriously, and those 11 are now terrified that the pastor’s family has placed an active curse on them.

MY RULES The Aug. 6 revival spectacular in Houston, billed as a day of prayer and attended by 30,000 people at Reliant Stadium, was also billed as a day of fasting, which apparently took at least a few worshipers by surprise, and Reliant’s concession stands (which were open all day) only added to the temptation to ignore the fast. One otherwise-devout man from San Angelo, Texas, told the Texas Tribune that it was OK for him to eat because of an “agreement” he “made with God earlier.”

DEFINING ‘SMITE’ DOWN Fed up with the theft of Bibles from the Basilica of San Salvatore al Monte in Florence, Italy, the Franciscan priests in charge posted signs and spoke prayers urging the pilferer to repent. In the event that he does not, reported London’s Daily Telegraph in August, the prayer asked that the

thief be afflicted with “a strong bout of the [runs].”

PEOPLE WITH ISSUES Ned Nefer, 38, pushed a six-foot mannequin along U.S. Highway 11 in June, for 65 miles from Syracuse, N.Y., to Watertown, N.Y., because “[The mannequin and I] really love the outdoors.” The mannequin, Nefer said, is his wife “Teagan,” who came to Nefer merely as a head but for whom Nefer constructed a body and “married” in 1986. Said a Watertown social services worker, to the Watertown Daily News, “I wouldn’t classify [Nefer] as dangerous at all. He seemed quite happy in his own little world.” Nefer’s “first” wife passed away, and it is possible, the social services lady said, that this is his way of dealing with the loss.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

W

e were walking from the Paia parking lot toward Mana Foods on the side-

walk. You were smiling and making eye contact, walking toward us with your adorable lab-type puppy on a leash. I start making baby voice noises at the dog because, well, I love cute puppies. You, still an apparently normal dog lover, didn’t seem to object. Then as we got closer, my dad bent down and reached to pet the adorable puppy.

That’s when you, out of nowhere, yanked the leash away and snapped, “Hey! I don’t pet you!” Then you stomped off. What kind of weird, possessive power trip causes a dog owner, out in public with a fully vaccinated, clearly friendly, confident young dog, to be so rude to a fellow dog-lover? And to somehow suggest that a stranger petting a dog is as inappropriate or weird as a stranger petting another stranger? Great way to socialize your puppy, lady—not to mention spread the Aloha. Get friendly, or get out of here. ■

HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE German Paz, 33, was sentenced in Orlando to 15 years in federal prison in June for sexual exploitation of a minor via the Internet. He had begun contacting a 13-year-old girl and was using the screen name The Delightful Deviant. And Gareth Shand, 6, was welcomed into the first grade in San Antonio in August with an immediate in-school suspension. He is growing his hair long for a cancer-support organization, but that puts him in violation of his school’s dress code.

MY KIDS LIVE WITH A CHILD KILLER? John and Kristine Cushing married and raised two daughters, but Kristine became mentally ill and in 1991 killed the girls as they slept. She was hospitalized for four years and eventually monitored for 10 more. Meanwhile, John divorced her and married Trisha, and they raised two sons, but eventually divorced and reached a shared-custody agreement. By 2005, Kristine had been approved by California doctors to return to society, and soon she and John reconnected. Understandably, Trisha became horrified at the prospect that Kristine might relapse, in which case her and John’s two sons would be at risk. In August, a judge in Seattle (where John and Kristine once again cohabit), influenced by Kristine’s clean record since her release, turned down Trisha’s request for sole custody.

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Charged with crimes that could send him to prison for life, Gary LaBon, 50, nonetheless chose to defend himself at trial and told the jury in August that any kidnapping, rape or assault he might have committed on the 69-year-old woman in Hawthorne, Calif., in 2009 was “selfdefense.” LaBon insisted that he was in fear for his life because the woman was a “gang member.” Judge Kathryn Solorzano took the unusual step of advising the jury to “disregard most of what Labon said during his argument,” according to the Daily Breeze of Torrance, Calif. Jurors quickly convicted LaBon on all counts, and he awaits sentencing. ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514n4

SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

9

M E M I A U E REQ R A STR FO

I

S ITS A P E E AS D OR S Z A N R U R W ALLEY ILL AS A NE E FAMED V E ' E H WAI EEPENS ST TRY TO TH ’ AREA .

N I Y S R ES EN DD VE G L N O L D A I R A R T — S B S N E R CO GI WATE E GATE DENI ‘SWINGING A D Y E I U R STO WIR Y AN

f the island of Maui were its voluptuous, pareidolic profile, Waihe‘e Valley would be carved into her cerebellum, right where the Kahului bight begins to bend back out again. Stemming from the piko (navel) of Mauna Kahalawai (“West Maui Mountains” is a misnomer), the ahupua‘a (traditional land division) fans onto the northern shores of the Valley Isle’s western end’s windward side.

The river that runs through Waihe‘e is one of Na Wai ‘Eha—The Four Waters, with neighboring ‘Iao, Waiehu and Waikapu Streams—the liquid lifeblood that’s made the area as lush as it is storied.

Naturally, Waihe‘e is a place of deep cultural significance to kanaka maoli (aboriginal Hawaiians), particularly in an area commonly called Swinging Bridges, and the pooling waters of ‘Eleile, exalted in lore. The trivial epithet “Swinging Bridges” is derived from the rickety plank-and-cable suspension bridges—recently upgraded for on-location shots in the Adam Sandler and Jennier Aniston flick, Just Go With It—which augment an accessible (well, formerly accessible) but still off-the-beaten path adventure for locals, visitors and Hollywood elite alike.

Along the way is a glimpse of bygone Hawaii Nei. Kuleana waters feed lo‘i kalo (wetland taro patches) tended by families carrying on the traditional farming practices of the host culture’s staple crop.

And here too we’re reminded of how the Hawaiian archipelago’s nonpareil endemism is not limited to earth and sky. These fresh waters once—and should, and still can—teem with endemic lifeforms which, as the Division of Aquatic Resources describes, consist of four species of freshwater fish (plus a fifth indigenous species), collectively called ‘o‘opu, two species of shellfish, ‘opae, and three species of freshwater limpets, hihiwai, hapawai and pipiwai.

But where there’s water, there’s war. A hotbed of contro-

B

versy, just last August, Waihe‘e was in the spotlight after a long-fought petition which resulted in an order by the State Commission on Water Resource Management that the Wailuku Water Company and Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar Company (HC&S), be required to restore instream flow standards (i.e. flow minimums) to six million gallons per day (mgd) of water flowing from the Waihe‘e River mouth— an increase of about 60 percent.

Further, there’s the Maui Coastal Land Trust’s (MCLT) Waihe‘e Refuge, consisting of more than 250 acres of permanently protected land, including “24 acres of coastal, spring-fed wetland, 103 acres of dune ecosystem, over 7,000 feet of marine shoreline and more than eight acres of riparian habitat for the recovery of native birds and native vegetation,” according to the non-profit’s website. This hard fought-for site, “once slated for development as a destination golf resort, [is now] forever conserved for recreation, archaeological preservation and education, as well as a habitat for native plants and animals.”

Though most agree great progress has been made, water and land rights are still and will continue to be hot-button topics island-and statewide. Indeed, fresh rumors are flying about Waihe‘e water (exporting water to Taiwan is a bogus rumor; but there are proposals, one of which includes a bottled water plant and hydroponic farm, for two currently on-the-market parcels of land which total 420 acres and hold several wells). Rob Parsons, Mayor Arakawa’s Environmental Coordinator, says that “it takes a lot more effort to separate facts from hyperbole and to correct misinformation once it’s out in the community.” Paul Meyer, Deputy Director of the Department of Water Supply adds that “it is true that we were approached a few months ago by an investment banker regarding [the wells]. After our engineers reviewed their location, size and production, they determined it would not be economic for us to buy and operate them.”

More alarming—especially for the native community— was the recent closing of all access to Swinging Bridges and

ancestral grounds at ‘Eleile et al. There’s now a 12-foot tall razor wire-wrapped fence preventing anyone from getting to the bridges, and trespassing is punishable by arrest.

Clearly, Waihe‘e’s still wrought with woeful growing pains—and resolve is neither easy nor near.

It was early Saturday morning, Sept. 3, in Waihe‘e. A group of about 75, mostly kanaka maoli, had gathered under a large tent set up in the Waihe‘e Ball Park, atop the lime lawn infused with dawn’s dampness. Low rain clouds bulb like baroque black pearls, cloaking the welkin in a way that seems to speak to the mood of the somber group. They’ve gathered to protest the recently restricted access to the valley’s Swinging Bridges and waters of ‘Eleile—a place, kanaka attest, is not just their stomping grounds or paradisical Polynesian playground, but home to more than a dozen hei‘au (sacred shrines); a place of their ancestors both in spirit and physical remains.

Access has been closed by two interests: John G. Varel, owner of Waihe‘e Valley Plantation, and the Wailuku Water Company, helmed by Avery Chumbley. For both parties the impetus for closure is mounting liability concerns in our litigious society.

The first, preexisting gate—now secured with a thick metal chain and three locks (presumably, one for Varel, one for Wailuku Water Company and one for the few residences that dot the blocked roadway)—is located at the top of Waihe‘e Valley Road, just as the dirt drive veers right toward Swinging Bridges. A new sign—one of many—posted by Waihe‘e Valley Plantation, reads in crimson font, “TRESPASSERS BEWARE! ...YOU WILL BE ARRESTED! Bail is $250 This Will Go On Your Record And You Will Have To Appear In Court!”

An 8.5” x 11” sheet of paper, taped to the gate, explains further: “WE ARE CLOSED Due to Wailuku Water Company blocking access to Swinging Bridges. If you have Wailuku Water Company’s written permission please call 244-2120 to gain access across Waihee Valley Plantation. NO TRESPASSING!”

See more photos by Anu Yagi at mauifeed.com

HEAVEN’S GATE? Intrepid tourists trespass.

10 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

PEACEFUL PROTESTERS create a pu‘olo.

Indeed, Wailuku Water Company has “blocked access”— impenetrably. Located more than a mile past this first, relatively unassuming gate, is a second—made of thick metal grate framed in razor wire and erected in late August. But given its location, it’s technically illegal to witness (though we did—more on that later). Residents’ testimony told of large, load-bearing helicopters flying in building materials in mid-to late August, sparking suspicions and fanning the flames of indignation.

But the issue—at least, for the group assembled at the ballpark—hit its pitch between these two places, on Aug. 19, at a snack shack and toll booth owned by Varel near the boundary between his and Wailuku Water Company’s properties (Swinging Bridges is actually on Wailuku Water Company’s—not Varel’s—land). When a heated argument arose between a booth attendee and a Waihe‘e Valley descendant who believed they shouldn’t be required to sign a waiver or pay a fee—the dominos began to fall. But like any Rube Goldberg machine, it takes time—and tons of interconnected pieces—to construct, and this mess has been in the making for years.

Prior to the closure, Varel had charged $6 for tourists and $3 for locals; plus required the signing of a waiver. A 2006 Honolulu Advertiser story reported that Varel spent $30,000 to “pave a dirt entrance road that also serves his farm and home, build a country store and picnic area, hook up electricity and staff the new setup.” The new accomodations had a pleasant byproduct: a place once notorious for carbreak-ins was now monitored. Theft dropped drastically.

But this five-year-old story also touched upon another issue which was current until the area’s closure, saying

“I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU MY TIES TO DA MOUNTAIN. I PLAYED ON DIS MOUNTAINSIDE MY WHOLE LIFE. EVERYTHING WE HAD CAME FROM MOUNTAIN,” SAYS KANILOA KAMAULU, WEEPING. “because hikers think that by paying the entry fee they are cleared for the entire hike.”

Wrong.

Leave Varel’s plantation, and you’re still trespassing onto Wailuku Water Company land; which Chumbley reports as having “sometimes more than 100 [visitors] per day,” and repetitious vandalism of company equipment—a system that feeds into the County water system. Further, Chumbley said the permits to enter his land—available through Wailuku Water Company offices—have been virtually ignored, while travelers’ calls flood his offices’ “small staff... plac[ing] ‘a huge strain’” on the company’s time and resources. To make matters worse, Chumbley complained that Varel was “commercially exploit[ing]” the hike. Meanwhile Varel said that he “gained nothing” and that his neighborhood’s safety was his chief concern.

Then, there are the valley residents, neighboring Mauians and tourists—kanaka or no—all of whom want—and feel entitled to—access.

So again, enter last month’s dispute between Varel’s booth attendant and a descendant of a Waihe’e Valley family (who was raised in the valley, but no longer lives there) about payment and waiver-signing.

A shouting match ensured. There was name calling. Police responded. And just a few weeks later no one’s allowed in—whether with waiver, fee or a kanaka claim to access ancestral lands.

So valley residents organized a protest, spearheaded by the Kaumaunu ‘ohana—namely husband and wife Kaniloa and Johanna, whose niece was the denied valley descendant involved in the Aug. 19 kerfuffle.

Assembled at the ballpark, the protest’s supporters consisted mostly of fellow valley families, as well as many native Westsiders. Trucks, cars and SUVs—even a skinless soft-top jeep brandishing a flapping Hawaii State flag—arrived in slow procession. Spilling from the vehicles, the attendees assumed quiet positions under the tent. Young men clasped hands in brotherly handshakes, culturally savvy

makua (adults) engaged in honi, the Hawaiian greeting tradition of touching noses and exchanging “the breath of life.”

Everyone was dressed for a hike—some prudently prepared with raincoats, boots and even walking sticks. Despite the threat of arrest, the initial plan for the protest was to go to the Waihe‘e Valley Plantation gate as a sign of defiance, a display of a cultural claim they say is legally theirs.

But the march was cancelled for fear of how arrests would hurt the parties—and their families. Instead, the congregation at the ballpark viewed the assembly itself as protest—a peaceful show of support that’s to be “celebrated”—and the day was spent sharing mana‘o (thoughts, ideas, intentions), one by one before the group.

Wilmont Kamaunu Kahaialii (Willie K’s brother), was the most eloquent of speakers. He encouraged fellow kanaka to research their lineage as a mechanism of defense against blockage of traditional access. He also handed out little white cards printed with Hawaii Revised Statutes § 7-1: “Building materials, water, etc.; landlords’ titles subject to tenants’ use. Where the landlords have obtained, or may hereafter obtain, allodial titles to their lands, the people on each of their lands shall not be deprived of the right to take firewood, house-timber, aho cord, thatch, or ki leaf, from the land on which they live, for their own private use, but they shall not have a right to take such articles to sell for profit.

The people shall also have a right to drinking water, and running water, and the right of way. The springs of water, running water, and roads shall be free to all, on all lands granted in fee simple; provided that this shall not be applicable to wells and watercourses, which individuals have made for their own use. [CC 1859, §1477]” But the most emotional testimony came from Kaniloa, who wept unabashedly. He spoke of being threatened by Homeland Security.

“I’ve become a threat in my own country,” he said. “I went to their schools. I learned their language. I obey their laws. I pay their taxes. I try to be good to everyone... I cannot explain to you my ties to da mountain. I played on dis mountainside my whole life. Everything we had came from mountain. Now, this,” he said, holding the bridge of his nose between his fingers, but it did not stifle his outpouring.

“But now, I realize who I am and what I lost,” said Kaniloa—a big man with a soft voice—trembling again. “I realized I had had a culture. I always said I was Hawaiian, but it took 45 years for me to really understand.”

His posture straightened, but his face was still swollen and oozing with emotion. “I cry because I’m angry,” he said. “I cry because I can hear my people calling—and I cannot come.”

From the first of the proceedings, the clouds reached capacity and spilled their celestial tears onto the crowd. The group’s consensus was that the rain represented ke akua (the gods) acknowledgment, their shared grief, their blessings.

Familes created a pu‘olo (bundle) by wrapping a kalo (taro) corm, stalk and leaves intact, in la‘i (ti) leaves gathered from the valley. Incantations were made and the ‘ohana—both blood and hanai—prayed with their foreheads resting on the pu‘olo, placing a kapu (sacred taboo) on the “black cloud brought upon the valley”; and by invoking the powers of ke akua, aimed to revoke the profits of market interests so long as access is barred.

As the last of the prayers were made, a select group—the Kamaunu ‘ohana at the head—prepared to lead a private procession to the first gate where they planned to place the pu‘olo but not cross the threshold, risking arrest.

And with this, the clouds broke and the sun appeared for the first time all day.

When the gathering was nearly pau, after a potluck lunch provided by the Kamaunu ‘ohana and valley families (dry mein, orange chicken, beef stew...), I drove up to the first gate to take pictures of the pu‘olo that had been placed there. A few tourists in rental cars pulled up alongside me and were confusedly reading the signs. I gave a brief synopsis of what transpired. They looked at me, then looked at the gate. I could see the same question crossing their minds as had been filling mine: How is this measly little gate gonna be different from any other hopped fence and ignored sign at other island hot spots?

One young couple listened and nodded, but parked anyway. I saw them confer with each other, grab their backpacks, lock their car and proceed past the gate.

“Wait!” I yelled, chasing after them. I could tell by their

expressions that they thought I’d come to reprimand them.

I explained that I’m a journalist. “So, just to remind you: you could be arrested, I could be arrested—just for having gone this far.”

They nodded. “So?” I asked.

They said were staying in Kihei—and hated it. The reason they had come to Maui is for places like Swinging Bridges, and their adventurous spirits weren’t going to stop them from at least having a look-see. “Can I follow you?” I asked. “Pick your brain in the process.” They were, if I may say so, all too happy.

“It is better to be arrested with a reporter,” the husband smiled. Meanwhile I was thinking of cats’ curiosity and my editor’s sole instruction with this story: don’t get arrested. Somehow, the thought of getting arrested while following trespassing tourists kind of put me at ease.

I learned that they’re a well-educated, successful and decidedly sweet young pair from New York City, as we meandered along talking story; exchanging bios and trivially tripping on the tongue about light-hearted stuff like pet birds, the meanings behind our names and our favorite berries.

And, of course, we discussed the access issue. Needless to say, the couple was fascinated.

“There’s supposed to be a second gate back here—replete with razor wire and shit like that,” I told them. They asked where it was, but I did not know. Honestly, it’s been years since I’d been up there—and now I was regretting it madly.

We toodled along rather comely irrigation canals and tubes. I discovered that I’d worn the tread bald on my slippahs from regularly traversing ‘Iao Stream near my home; so the pair kindly helped me along by linking elbows while on the slippery slopes. We also take pictures along the way so they can exercise their shaka muscles and have something to show for their adventure.

Before long we passed Varel’s booth, where new “TRESPASSERS BEWARE!” signs have been posted next to preexisting “Parking Ahead” signs. Later, a sign informs us that we “ARE NOW ENTERING LAND WHICH IS OWNED BY WAILUKU WATER COMPANY LLC ANY PERMISSION GRANTED BY, OR PAYMENT TO ANY NEIGHBORING LANDOWNER WHICH ALLOWED YOU TO GET TO THIS POINT DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO GO ANY FURTHER.” I checked with my partners in crime to see if they’re still game. “We’ve come this far,” they shrugged.

Soon, we crested another unassuming bend, when suddenly a massive metal gate revealed itself. I ran toward it.

“Damn! There it is!”

It’s menacing, to say the least, and burned with the acrid odor of fresh black paint. Twelve feet high and just a bit longer, the rigid metal grate extends across the road that’s cut into the cliffside, from upwards on our left and down into the precipice on our right. And for point-making measure (or perhaps to curtail invasive monkeys and acrobats) across its top and along its exposed right side coils thick, untarnished razor wire, and a comic number of keep-out signs.

It’s strange to see the emerald crest of the Waihe‘e Ridge Trail peeking just above the battery of blades; and the depths of the valley behind it, through only a stinking, perforated window.

We idled for a moment, unsure what to do next, before we succumbed to the obvious: turn around and go home.

We were quieter on our walk back, sobered by the sight.

I understand the property owners’ mounting financial concerns (whatever anyone thinks of them as people or organizations), but being indigenous myself, I also sympathize—at my very core—with the Waihe‘e residents’ and kanakas’ plight. But this kind, bright NY couple was a flesh and blood reminder that everyone—our visitors especially— also deserve to see this storied place. I applaud the people who dare to venture past the creature comforts of Resort Land and into the wild of the Promised. I’m proud these sacred sites are ours—and ours to share. ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514l

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 11

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Waikiki beach is somewhere under all these people.

you step foot inside. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at least partly due to their Oceanarium Restaurant, known for its amazing seafood buffet and stunning views of their tank. When I arrived they were setting up their Aloha Friday lunch but they also serve breakfast and dinner; weekend brunch starts at 11am. I indulged in Sundayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s brunch, post-premiere, and filled up on sashimi, oysters, crab legs, tempura and eggs benedict. Basically, the brunch offers an insane amount of food to consume. I also saw that the dining room was filled with locals in the knowâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;clearly, this was the place to be with an appetite on the weekend.

The hotel is on the mauka side of Kalakaua, but just across the street is a clear view of bustling Waikiki beach. There was a south swell and plenty of surfers this weekend; you can rent boards right across the street. I love the proximity to the zoo and Kapiolani Park.

Pacific Beach has a 24-Hour Fitness Gym in their building, and you can get passes at the front desk. Jogging or walking in the park is the way to go: itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a beautiful area of Waikiki.

Pampering at their spa is a must, massages start at a reasonable $45 for 30 minutes. If

youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re musically inclined, take free lessons from Bruce Shimabukuro (Jakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s brother), who runs the ukulele shop in the lobby.

The most unique activity in the hotel is the SNUBA offered inside of their oceanarium. I suited up and went 20 feet down with Emi Sakazume and Kentaro Abiko, my ambassadors of SNUBA. With SNUBA you can dive with the breathing apparatus tanks floating above you on a raft, and you just have a mouth piece and a tube. Once down below I fed lettuce to the reef fish, and pet the manta ray. The oceanarium, which was built in 1976, gets its salty water straight from the ocean.

BACK TO THE RED CARPET: Sunset on the Beach is an evening event, hosted by the Waikiki Improvement Association (sunsetonthebeach.net). Their once-amonth movies start around sunset, but they have chairs, food vendors and entertainment that starts about two hours before the movie.

....Continued on page 14

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The premiere of Hawaii Five-0 was a much bigger deal. The crowd swelled to about 10,000, with people camping out all day for the viewing that started around 7pm. The live coverage was on Hawaii News Now with Trini Kaopuiki. Regrettable they were not streaming that coverage to the 30-foot screen on the beach so everyone could see the action.

The entire Queenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beach area smelled like the delicious garlic & shrimp coming from Giovanniâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Aloha Shrimp, and the Mahaloha Burger line was plenty long, with folks grab-

bing up their Big Island grass-fed hormonefree beef patties for just $6. Of course, the viewing wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have been complete without popcorn from Popcorn Express.

It was a gorgeous day, and those of us dressed for the red carpet party struggled through sunburn and heat for a chance to photograph and chat with producers, directors, actors and actresses. To be completely honest, I never watched the first season of Hawaii Five-0 last year (except for the posts by @supercw). For the premiere I did a crash catch up course on the show via the Internet. But attending the premiere was a

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reality check into the pop culture force the show has become. Moreso than Lost, Hawaii Five-0 has branded our islands in the entertainment business. Nothing ran that fact home like watching 10,000 fans in the crowd holding signs, and none of the fans were more vocal than Alex Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Loughlin (who plays Steve McGarrett on the show).

At the red carpet party, producers, directors, stars and VIP mingled around hosted pupus and Red Bullsâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;there were no cocktails in the park, as per Honolulu liquor laws. Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Loughlin said he was learning pidgin and â&#x20AC;&#x153;loves poke.â&#x20AC;? This is not surprising, considering that in the show he plays a third

generation Oahu haole. The crowd did get a bit restless as the governor spoke, but then the A-listers were introduced and hula was performed. None of that mattered when the credits started to roll on the first show of the new season. The cheering began as a full moon rose over Diamond Head.

Before the show ended, I realized Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a Hawaii 5-0 fan. The show airs Mondays on CBS. â&#x2013; Got a hot scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 808280-3286 or fax to 808-244-0446.

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FILM

A New Classic Baseball Movie Moneyball hits a homerun

BY BARRY WURST II

Moneyball

★★★★★

Rated PG13/133 min.

A

summer ago, I was watching a No Koa Ikaika Maui baseball game with my Dad and wondered, when will we get another classic baseball movie? Football is arguably the more cinematic sport, with the spectacle of players smacking into one another and triumphant end zone dances getting audiences all choked up. Still, Baseball really has something to offer a film, with those slow-motion slides across home base, the sound of the ball smacking against the bat, and the Game as Life metaphor that all essential sports movie enforce.

Oddly enough, Moneyball isn’t another factory made, by-the-book sports movie, but a stunning true story from just 10 years ago. Brad Pitt stars as Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland A’s whose unorthodox tactics to reignite his team after a losing streak were met with great skepticism from sports enthusiasts and from within the team. With the unlikely aide of a Yale gradu-

ate (played by Jonah Hill), Beane used an approach to picking the right players that ranged from scientific to practical, with underdog athletes who were inexpensive, unpopular and underutilized making the A’s line-up. What followed was an unpredictable and completely astonishing season.

Unquestionably, this is one of the great baseball movies, a film for lifelong fans of the sport and even for those who didn’t know the A’s stand for the Oakland Athletics. It shares the tough, unsentimental approach to the sport found in Eight Men Out and not the broad comedy or optimistic mysticism in either Bull Durham or Field of Dreams. Even if you know how this story turns out, the outcome never feels like a given and will surprise anyone expecting a formula finish with a tidy wrap-up. The film understands the love and obsession that the game of baseball can be for players and grabs the audience immediately by flashing

SPORTS!

back to the moment the young Beane had to choose between a Stanford education or playing ball for the NY Mets. We see the joy the game gives the guys on the field, as well as how cruel the business of player-trading and how compromised home life can be.

Pitt’s performance is one of his most endearing- the role of a man who firmly stands by what he believes and tirelessly fights upper management appears to mirror his own life (Pitt famously almost walked off the set of The Devil’s Own when he felt the original screenplay was

compromised, and lost a very public battle with the film’s studio heads). As he did in last year’s Cyrus, Jonah Hill underplays beautifully and reveals untapped depths as an actor and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (reuniting with Bennett Miller, his Capote director) has an especially tricky role, that of the A’s stubbornly defiant coach; the role can be viewed as either the film’s villain or as the only sane person in the story.

Moneyball is a relaxed, gentle film, with the emphasis on character revelations as much as ball game action. At 133 minutes, it gets a little long near the end and the leisurely, unhurried pace may disappoint anyone expecting a rollicking sports comedy like Major League. This one is often hilariously funny but also quietly moving and heartfelt without resorting to cheap manipulation.

Here is an intelligent look at desperation and last chance dreams in the world of pro sports, a quality it shares with the funniest, most vital scenes in Jerry Maguire. It understands that you can’t put a price on greatness, nor should a person be measured by our expectations of them. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514f

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16 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

FILM

Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Abduction - PG13 - FRI (1:20, 4:05), 7:05, 9:35.

SAT-SUN (1:20), 4:05, 7:05, 9:35. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

Dolphin Tale (2D) - PG - FRI (1:20, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. MONWED (3:45), 6:45, 9:15.

Drive - PG13 - THU (4:30), 7:10, 9:45. FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:10, 9:45). SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7;10, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 4:15, 7:10, 9:45.

I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - THU (4:15, 7:00), 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

Our Idiot Brother - R - THU (4:05), 7:05, 9:35.

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) PG13 - THU (1:30).

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (4:00), 6:45, 9:15.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Apollo 18 - PG13 - THU (3:10), 5:20, 7:25, 9:40.

FRI-WED 9:00.

Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star - R - THU (12:15, 2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:35.

Columbiana - R - THU (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25.

FRI (11:15, 1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25. SAT-SUN (11:15, 1:40), 4:15, 6:50, 9:25. MON-WED (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25.

Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (2:00, 4:35), 6:55, 9:30. FRI (11:25, 2:00, 4:40), 6:55, 9:30. SAT-SUN (11:25, 2:00), 4:40, 6:55, 9:30.

MON-WED (2:00, 4:40), 6:55, 9:30.

The Contagion - PG13 - THU (1200, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 9:55. FRI (12:00, 2:30, 4:55), 7:30, 10:05.

SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:30), 4:55, 7:30, 10:05. MONWED (12:00, 2:30, 4:55), 7:30, 10:05.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50. FRI (11:05, 1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50.

FRI-SAT (11:05, 1:35), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50. MON-

NEW THIS WEEK ABDUCTION - PG 13 - Thriller - Team Jacob’s captain (Taylor Lautner) finds his baby picture on a missing persons website. Nutz stuffs (presumably) ensues. 106 min.

DOLPHIN TALE - PG - Family - Based on the true story of Winter, a maimed dolphin who gets a progressive prosthetic tail. 128 min.

KILLER ELITE - R - Action - Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro star in a flick that’s sure to be replete with ‘splosions. 106 min.

MONEYBALL - PG 13 - Drama - See this week’s Film Critique. 133 min.

NOW SHOWING APOLLO 18 - PG 13 - Mockumentary Sci-Fi - Apparently the Apollo missions were canceled was because of lunar parasites. Who knew? 90 min.

COLUMBIANA - PG 13 - Action - Television and movies teach us that witnessing your parents’ murder either turns you into Dexter or a femme fatal assassin eager for revenge. Zoe Saldana stars. 124 min.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN - R - Action - Chee hoo! Conan’s a kanaka! Virile Jason Namakaeha Momoa (of Baywatch Hawaii and Stargate: Atlantis fame) stars. 112 min.

THE CONTAGION - PG 13 - Thiller - The only thing scarier than a deadly airborne disease that threatens every human on Earth (no worries, a crackerjack CDC team is on the case!) is this film’s sky-high payroll. Starring Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Elliot Gould, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet and Dr. Sanjay Gupta (as himself). 105 min.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

WED (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50.

Drive - R - THU (12:2, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:00.

FRI (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:10. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:45), 5:10, 7:35, 10:10. MON-WED (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:10.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU (12:35).

Killer Elite - R - FRI (11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15, 4:30, 5:00), 7:15, 7:45, 9:55, 10:15. SAT (11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15), 4:30, 5:00, 7:15, 7:45, 9:55, 10:15. SUN (11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15), 4:30, 5:00, 7:15, 7:45, 9:55. MON-WED (1:45, 2:15, 4:30, 5:00), 7:15, 7:45, 9:55.

Our Idiot Brother - R - THU-FRI (12:35, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:35, 2:50), 5:05, 7:20, 9:45. MON-WED (12:35, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:45.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (1:45, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. FRI (11:20, 1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. SAT-SUN (11:20, 1:50), 4:10, 6:35, 9:05. MON-WED (1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05.

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) - G - THU (12:00, 2:15, 4:30), 6:45, 9:00. FRI (12:05, 2:10, 4:25), 6:45. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:10), 4:25, 6:45. MON-WED (12:05, 2:10, 4:25), 6:45.

Straw Dogs - R - THU (1:55, 4:30), 7:05, 9:40.

FRI (11:35, 1:55, 4:35), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (11:35, 1:55), 4:35, 7:05, 9:40. MON-WED (1:55, 4:35), 7:05, 9:40.

Warrior - R - THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 10:00.

WED 2:00, 4:05, 6:10, 8:20.

Moneyball - PG13 - FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:50, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15. SUN 11:00, 1:50, 4:45, 7:30. MONWED 1:50, 4:45, 7:30.

Warrior - G - THU 1:15, 4:05, 7:00.

KUKUI MALL

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1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Contagion - PG13 - THU 1:45, 4:15, 7:15. FRISAT 11:15, 1:55, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45. SUN 11:15, 1:55, 4:30, 7:10. MON-WED 1:55, 4:30, 7:10.

Drive - R - THU 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10. FRI-SAT 11:30, 1:45, 4:15, 7:20, 9:50. SUN 11:30, 1:45, 4:15, 7:20. MON-WED 1:00, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10.

I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - THU 1:00, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45. FRI-SAT 11:45, 2:00, 4:20, 7:00, 9:30. SUN 11:45, 2:00, 4:20, 7:00. MON-

658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Columbiana - PG13 - THU (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:35.

Contagion - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:00),7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MONWED (1:30, 4:00),7:00, 9:30.

The Help - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9:50. SAT-SUN (12:15), 3:30, 6:45, 9:50. MONWED (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9:50.

Killer Elite - R - FRI (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40.

SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:05, 9:40. MON-WED (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min.

DRIVE - R - Action - With such an underrated profession, it makes sense that a stuntman might moonlight as a wheelman. Mad skills are mad skills, after all. But it also makes sense that being complicit in crime might upend said stunt/wheelman’s life... Starring Ryan Gosling. 100 min.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) - PG13 - THU 11:45, 2:45. FRI-WED 4:30, 7:10, 9:45.

Creature - R - THU 10:35, 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:15, 9:20.

The Debt - R - THU-WED 11:35, 2:05, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark - R - THU 5:30, 7:45, 10:00.

The Help - PG13 - THU-WED 10:30, 1:25, 4:20, 7:20, 10:10.

I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - FRIWED 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50.

The Lion King (2D) - G - FRI-WED 10:45, 3:00.

The Lion King (3D) - G - FRI-WED 12:50, 5:15, 7:30, 9:35.

Shark Night (3D) - PG13 - THU-WED 10:45, 12:45, 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:25.

The Smurfs (2D) - PG - THU 11:40, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:20. FRI-WED 11:40, 2:00.

popcorn and pee). 104 min.

STRAW DOGS - R - Thriller - A remake of the heady 1971 film that starred Dustin Hoffman and Susan George. But instead of following a relocated-to-the-UK mathematician and his wife’s plight, James Marsden and Kate Bosworth now lead as a Dirty South-bound (via Los Angeles) pair whose escalating tensions reach a breaking point. 110 min.

THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - A mixed-race group of friends–in 1960s Mississippi–risk everything to share their stories via a secret writing project.

147 min.

WARRIOR - PG 13 - Drama - Finally, MMA gets a real movie. Two estranged brothers–one a physics teacher, the other an Iraq War veteran–are pitted against one another by their former drunk/boxer dad (Nick Nolte). 139 min.

I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT - PG 13 Comedy? - We don’t know why you’d want to see this flick. Sarah Jessica Parker stars as a harried breadwinner. 89 min.

LAST CHANCE

THE LION KING - G - Animated - Brainworm lyrics, “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! (Sithi uhm ingonyama!)” echo in my head every time I see the sunrise or think of Michael Jackson dangling his baby off a Berlin balcony. This modern Disney classic’s reissuance in 3D reminds us how the circle of life moves us all–through despair and hope, through faith and... OK. I’ll stop. 89 min.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER - R - Comedy - Pogonomaniacs/Paul Rudd fans rejoice! A bearded Rudd plays a bumbling (albeit well-meaning) post-prison couchsurfer who’s determined to reunite with his estranged pup, Willie Nelson. 90 min.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 - Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min.

SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD PG - Family - This is the fourth franchise installment, and they’re calling it “4D” as it includes “aroma-scope” (ie, another layer of weird smells to add to the usual theater odors of hurricane

BUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STAR - R - Comedy - Ultra funny man Nick Swardson stars.

Enough said! 95 min.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER PG 13 - Action - Sorry, Walt Whitman fans. This movie may look grim and daring, but it isn’t about Abe Lincoln. 124 min.

THE DEBT - R - Thriller - Espionage! Nazis! Twists and turns! A Focus Feature starring GILF Helen Mirren. 113 min.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 - PG 13 - Fantasy - Spoiler alert: this is the one where Harry dies. 140 min.

SHARK NIGHT - PG 13 - Thriller - A saltwater lake in Louisiana has been stocked with sharks–and a bunch of annoying college students die. Dreams really do come true. 95 min.

THE SMURFS - PG - Animation - Because anything sweetened with nostalgia must be dredged up and destroyed. 103 min.

MAUI ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT WITH MAUITIME FLAVOR

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 17

1945 S KIHEI RD, KALAMA VILLAGE Â&#x201E; LULUSMAUI COM

MONDAY NIGHTS // Monday night football BOTTLES s DRAFTS s WELLS s 3IX PIECE WINGS s $3 nachos s BUCKET OF fries.

0RICES ONLY GOOD DURING GAME TIME

TUESDAY NIGHTS // Country Music & Dancing featuring Rick Scanlan PM TILL PM s "UD ,IGHT PINTS s *ACK $ANIELS AND 0ATRONS

WEDNESDAY NIGHTS // Sebrina Barron & Ladies Night with DJ LA RAGE 3EBRINA "ARRON FROM PM TILL PM 4IP OUR UPCOMING STAR GET #ORONA BOTTLES FOR ,ADIES .IGHT WITH $* ,! 2!'% PM TILL #LOSING SCREWDRIVERS s $2.50 wells (EINEKEN BOTTLES s $3 Steinlager pints s $3 cool water shots s JAGER BOMBS

THURSDAY NIGHTS // Spicy Salsa dancing with Netto & Barbara Peraza TILL PM $* .EXUS FROM PM TILL CLOSING #ORONA BOTTLES s $3 PacďŹ co bottles s $5 Patrons.

FRIDAY NIGHTS // Requesola with Rob & Ron & Friday Night Rager with Dj Nexus 2EQUESOLA WITH 2OB 2ON FROM TILL PM $2 bottles s $2 drafts s WELL DURING the show. &RIDAY .IGHT 2AGER WITH $J .EXUS 'O GO DANCERS ROCKING THE STAGE -AI Taiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s s$2.50 wells s (EINEKEN BOTTLES s $3 Stein lager pints s $5 Stoliss *AGER BOMBS

SATURDAY NIGHT // Camp Savage 7:70 till 9:30 pm.

TILL CLOSING $* !STRO 2APH 3ATURDAYS !LL BOTTLES DRAFTS AND WELLS BUCKS

SUNDAY FOOTBALL AND SUNDAY NIGHTS // 8 am till 5 pm $2 bottles s $2 drafts s $2 wells s $3 Six piece wings s $3 nachos s BUCKET OF FRIES +AWIKA /RTIZ FROM TILL PM CONTEMPORARY (AWAIIAN -USIC followed by $* +AMIKAZE PLAYING REGGAE AND CONTEMPORARY (AWAIIAN MUSIC (EINEKEN BOTTLES s $2.50 wells 18 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

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DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

PHOTOS BY SEAM MICHAEL HOWER

Another Zeptember to Remember

Kanao Kukaua

Saturday (Sept. 24), 6:30pm doors/7:30pm show, Mulligan’s on the Blue (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea), $20 advance / $25 door

W

ith self deprecation my river MO, peeps who read me “ramble on” often chastise, “Don’t be so hard on yourself!” While some of it’s for humor’s sake, the truth is often said in jest; and I stand firm that it’s all honestly how I feel. If my faults were salt I’d flavor the whole ocean—and it’s “nobody’s fault but mine.” Thus, it’s sometimes hard to accept good things and impossible to accept great things—and Zeptember is a more than a great thing.

Last year, my pal Scott Johnson of Dogtowne Design— who’s one of the golden hearts helming Zeptember—dropped by my office with his characteristic grin and so-cool So-Cal strut. He’d heard I was struggling with the “wearing and tearing” of leukemia bills, and wanted proceeds from Zeptember to help me out (and boy did it!). Before I knew it, I was whisked up a “stairway to heaven” into a “rock and roll” “celebration day”

Jessica Rabbit

full of heartfelt “friends” old and new. (PS: if it isn’t yet obvious, dear readers, all these quotes are Led Zeppelin song titles, being used very literally.)

Like I said, it’s overwhelming being showered with so much love and generosity—which Zeptember doles in force—but like a waterfall-massage it helped work out some tight kinks and was incomparably refreshing.

And this may sound weird, but until Zeptember, I didn’t think cancer had changed me as much as it did. I’d chalked it up to being just another weird and wonderful experience, full of “good times [and] bad times,” not unlike everything else. In actuality, cancer changed me entirely. I didn’t die (obviously I’m not writing from the grave, though I sometimes feel—and definitely look—like it), but in a way, one life ended and another life began. This realization came somewhere in the refrain of songs sung by dozens of Maui musicians uniting to honor rock gods Led Zeppelin in a killer concert, and give a girl with a new life a chance to start off on her feet.

I might not be the best person (in fact, I might now be worse for the wear, all said and done), but every sip of human existence since diagnosis is even sweeter than the last, and I have naught but “all my love” to every single gorgeous soul involved in Zeptember who’ve tirelessly helped me through the tough times that followed recovery.

This year Zeptember’s back—even bigger and better than ever (if that’s possible). There’s a new lucky girl who’s getting a “whole lotta love:” a spirited chick with blazing gypsy eyes named Erin Fulton, who was first diagnosed with breast cancer when she was just 20 (she’s now 27).

I sat down with Erin and swapped stories; and lemme tell you, the poor girl’s going through some rough times. Cancer’s caused the usual mess applicable to anyone; but I can relate with some of her woes that might be specific to women—especially young ones. She’s afraid of losing her hair (if you had long, glowing auburn locks like she does, you would be, too).

She’s frustrated when she feels fine, but can’t do the things that young people do (have a few drinks, stay out late and the like); and when she’s not feeling fine, she’s learning how to admit it.

In the midst of everything, Erin’s oncologist got cancer herself—and is now on the mainland receiving treatment (which Erin notes, “says a lot about the treatment that’s available to her here”). And now, she’s without insurance.

Most striking about Erin’s story is that she’s the child of a “downwinder” family—i.e. her parents and grandparents lived in communities exposed to radioactive contamination from nuclear weapons testing in Nevada. Every single person in her family, Erin says, has or has had some form of cancer. She says her family members who could prove a direct correlation between their illnesses and the fallout received some form of compensation to help with their expenses. She, however, says because

she never lived in that area herself, is ineligible.

Whew. Heavy stuff, right?

OK. Here’s the good news. Zeptember’s gonna help Erin out, and you can help, too by going to Zeptember. Best of all, it’s seriously (all biases aside) one of the best shows of the year.

Here’s the details: It’s going to be packed (that’s half the fun), so the stage (a custom Frank Rizzo creation, plus Epic lighting—and if you don’t know, Epic’s owner used to do lights for U2) is being set up mauka-side so all the doors at Mulligan’s on the Blue can stay open—letting in lots of ocean air in, and allowing the crowd to rock-out from the lawn. Sweet, right? It’s gets better.

While it’s all about helping Erin, it’s also all about the music—and the Maui musicians involved are top notch. Shawn Michael and Josh Greenbaum are back captaining the ship with bass and drums and the list’s as huge as the players’ mad skills: Joette Burke, Ryan Rego, Marci Olson, Kanoa Kukaua, Jessica Rabbit, Murray Thorne, Mary Jane Babashoff, Nils Rosenblad, Phil Ellison, Chris Sendrey, Kasi Nunez, Cheryl Rae, Jack Gist, Lia Live, Darrin Lenett, Pete Sebastian, John Carroll, Sebrina Barron, Steve Hart, Chad Kaya, Byron Townsend, Stef Lomeli, Kit Okazaki and Danyel Alana.

Whew! Oh, and I’d be remiss to not mention the KAOI Radio Group ‘ohana, particularly Ruth O’Keefe (who’s responsible for the brilliant idea in the first place!), plus the peeps from last year who’ll be off rockin’ elsewhere but are inextricable from the Zeptember heart (like friends Tom Conway and Vince Esquire).

And last, but not least, mistress of ceremonies Trish “The Dish” Smith who since our meeting last Zeptember has become one of my best friends on this or any planet.

Tickets (which you’d do well to get early—loads of folks were turned away last year) are available at Westside Vibes (Lahaina), Requests (Wailuku), 808 Deli (Kihei), Mulligans On the Blue (Wailea), Colleen’s (Haiku), Maui Coffee Roasters (Kahului), and Alice in Hula land (Paia). Social media savvy can follow the Zeptember crew on Twitter @zeptemberMAUI, and aggregate concert chatter by using the hashtag #zept11. ■

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 19

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BY ANU YAGI

Popular Demand!

Brittni Paiva + Les McCann = Awesome

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Choose Jazz & Blues Sept. 22-25, island-wide

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Kenneth Martinez Burgmaier is a cool cat, you dig? Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the heart and soul of award-winning Jazz Alley TV and Hawaii On TV, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve probably seen him â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;round town, capturing cool stuff from behind the lens, as well as seen his works at film festivals, on storesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; shelves, on TV and on the Internet. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also brought us beautiful community events like the Hana Film Festival, Aloha Drive-In Theater, Lanai Ukulele Festival, Lanai Slack Key Festival, Lanai Jazz Festival, and now, for the first time, the Maui Jazz and Blues Festival. And boy, has Burgmaier outdone himself this time!

At seven venues Sept. 19-25, the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s drawn some huge names in the music worldâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; some of whom itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s their first visit to the islands.

The funâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s already begun with sweet kick-off shows at Mulliganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on the Blue and Stella Blues, and you can continue to start your musical adventure early by checking out events tonight (Sept. 22) at Cuatro, featuring dinner jazz guitar with Benny Uyetake (6:30-8pm) and at Stella Blues Cafe, with SLAM featuring David Choy and Clay Mortensen, plus special festival guests. Best of all, tonightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s events are all free.

See, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s another cool thing about Burgmaierâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;if his eventâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t free, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re ultra reasonable. Even Saturday nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s big show costs just $20â&#x20AC;&#x201D;which makes you feel like your liftinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; lolipops from cradles. Before I get to the illustrious lineup, hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the when and where: The big shows take place (mostly) at the Grand Wailea Resort & Spa, starting Friday (Sept. 23) with a VIP dinner and special guest performances (limited seating; visit mauijazzandbluesfestival.com for tickets and prices).

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d do well to make a weekend of it, seeing as the Grandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s offering a special event rate of just $199 per night (call 800-321-4666 for reservations, and ask for the festival package).

That also works perfectly because come Saturday, you can just mosey up the street to Wailea Gatewayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sweet Paradise Chocolate to hear Sal Godinezâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s masterful fingers on ivory, and enjoy tongue treats galore (11am-1pm; this literally and figuratively sweet event is, if you can believe it, also free). Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll then have plenty of

time to cleanup good (all the chocolate can be messy, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing it right), for the big show at the oceanfront stage of the Grandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Molokini Gardens, and a historic night of music (4-9pm; $20 single / $250 VIP table). And when you wake up in the morninâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Henry Allen will be waiting to entertain you (10am-1pm) at a special Jazz Sunday Brunch at the resort.

Whew. OK. Now that you know where to go, hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why: Les McCann, Delfeayo Marsalis, Tom Scott, Skip Martin, Brian Stoltz, Javon Jackson, Brother Noland, and Brittni Paiva, SLAM, Zenshin Daiko and the Kalama Intermediate School Ukulele Jazz Cats.

Those names should all ring a bellâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re big names. McCannâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s won multiple lifetime achievement awards, is known for his platinum-selling single â&#x20AC;&#x153;Compared to Whatâ&#x20AC;? (with partner/saxman Eddie Harris), and has collaborated with (who he calls pals), Miles Davis, Art Blakey, and Duke Ellington. Marsalis has been heralded as one of the best, most imaginative and musical of the trombonists of his generation (San Francisco Examiner), and has produced over 100 recordings for fellow big names like Harry Connick, Jr. Spike Lee, and Terence Blanchard. Further with winds, Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a renowned saxophonist, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perhaps most noted for his film scores which include Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Stir Crazy, The Sure Thing, and Shakes the Clown, just to name a few. And get this: heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s composing credits include TV show themes for Family Ties, Starsky & Hutch, Square Pegs, the Academy Awards, the Emmy Awards, the Peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Choice Awards, Comic Relief, The Carol Burnett Show, and The Pat Sajak Show.

Seriously.

Oh, and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got a couple Grammy awards under his belt thanks to 12 nods earned by his 25 solo recordings.

Wrapping up (I want to give you extra time to plan a snazzy outfit to wear to the shoe), Martin is the former lead vocalist for Kool & The Gang.

Jacksonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s toured with the greatest and gotten Grammy nods, too. And Stoltz is famed for touring with the Neville Brothers Band and spent 14 years with The Funky Meters.

Did your brain just explode? Mine did. And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve heard the only remedy is to go to the events and for the soothe of jazz and blues. â&#x2013; To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1514p2

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Bark!

The Barreled Angels Sing Saturday (Sept. 24), 5:30-10pm, Ocean Lawn, Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa (2605 Kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;anapali Pkwy.), $10/$25/$30/$85 The Maui Humane Societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bringing back their Barktoberfest fundraising event for whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sure to be a successful second year (and yeah, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still September, but close enough, right?).

Proceeds from Barktoberfest will â&#x20AC;&#x153;provide safe and nurturing shelter, food, and veterinary care for animals in need, help reunite lost pets with their families, and help the orphans find their loving, forever-homes,â&#x20AC;? the organization says.

And what better way to assist our isleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needy critters and their caretakersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; mission, than by woofing down great grinds (gourmet German and island-style specialties) on the Sheratonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ocean Lawn, and imbibing hearty libations by Maui Brewing Company? Of course, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a stellar entertainment lineup, including Ahumanu, Lisa Owen & The Village Musicians, Gerit Williams, Sebrina Barron, and the Haiku Hillbillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll electrify with a special lineup featuring Tom Conway (lead guitar), Joel Katz (lap steel), Kerry Sofaly (drums), Dave Grabor

(bass), and Randall Rospond (guitar and vocals). To boot, the event boasts a cool activity tent with games and crafts for keiki, too. Full event tickets, (5:30-10pm) which include a buffet (until 7pm), are $85 for adults and $30 for keiki seven-to 15-years-old. General admission tickets (7-10pm) are just $25 adults and $10 for keiki. Oh, and if you wanna partyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to drive the Paliâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the Sheratonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s offering special event rates for just $139 (for reservations, call 661-0031). For event tickets and more information, call 877-3680 ext. 32, or visit mauihumanesociety.org (PS: I know beer isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t made in barrels per se, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the best pun I could come up with. So, Kit Kat, OK?) â&#x2013;

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Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Party!

REQUESTS

BY BEN LOWENTHAL

3 2 1

4 5 6 7

8 9 10 11

out of

FEATURING MAUI JAZZ SOCIETY

HOSTED BY THE R.E. METOYER BLUES ROCK & SOUL REVUE

NO COVER 2PM-5PM

11

British Steel (Columbia 1980) Judas Priest was no different from their predecessors until they made this album.

Like Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and fellow Birmingham mates Black Sabbath before them, Judas Priestâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sound had traces of blues and psychedelic rock and they sang about dark and sinister things.

British Steel departs from all of that. The complicated rhythms and never-ending guitar solos (sorry, Zep fans) are gone. Judas Priest stripped down their sound to simple, solid hard rock. The famous opener, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Breaking the Lawâ&#x20AC;? sets the new tone (making it a favorite of metal connoisseurs, Beavis and Butthead).

All of the songs feature power chords, those easy-to-play hand positions that are often scorned by â&#x20AC;&#x153;realâ&#x20AC;? musicians. Guitars arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only thing different. Leather-clad front man Rob Halford, who can screech like any other metal god, keeps his voice in a

SUN. SEPT. 25TH

BLUES AND BREWS

7

JUDAS PRIEST

SUNDAY SERIES

significantly lower register.

Another departure from older albums and acts is the bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lyrical content. There are no odes to killing, evil spirits, or flirtations with the occult. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Living After Midnightâ&#x20AC;? is an accessible tune that could have been played at any frat party or in a convertible.

And â&#x20AC;&#x153;Unitedâ&#x20AC;? sounds almost it could be belted out by hooligans at an English soccer match.

The album is actually fun to listen to. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the perfect compromise between metal worshippers and, well, regular people. In the pantheon of metal gods, Judas Priest stands somewhere between the speed metal revelers Motorhead and the makes of good-time anthems, Def Leppard. British Steel put them there.

-Ben Lowenthal All albums reviewed in this space are available at Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only record store, Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-9315)

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BIG SHOWS DINNER WITH DOUGHERTY - Thu, Sep 22.

Get an exclusive preview of a newly completed sculpture, guided by the Hui’s acclaimed 2011 Artist in Residence, Patrick Dougherty. Plus, cocktails and a catered meal by Chefs Ralph Giles and Daniel Southmayd. Only 50 seats available. $150. 6-9pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 5726560; huinoeau.com SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH SONNY LIM - Thu, Sep 22. The ever-awesome George Kahumoku Jr. (Grammy winner) hosts this monthly series, which opens with musical storytelling and chants. This month’s guest artist is fellow ki ho’alu master Sonny Lim, son of a Parker Ranch paniolo, who grew up playing slack key in the Kohala region of Hawaii Island (the very place slack key style is said to originate from).

Pre-show dinner by Alexander’s Famous Fish. $25/$45 (VIP). 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. MAKANA - Fri, Sep 23. Hawaii’s own “guitar hero” hottie kicksoff this new MACC concert series. Makana’s innovative slack key stylings and vocals contribute to his electrifying stage presence. This special performance spotlight’s Makana’s broad range, incorporating elements of folk, rock, ethnic, classical, bluegrass, jazz and traditional Hawaiian. $30/$45. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org KINGS OF SPADE WITH RABBITT & THE PROPERS - Fri, Sep 23. You’ve heard the buzz—Kings of Spade are hot. Add to that Maui’s smokin’ own Rabbitt & The Propers, and the night’s liable to start a heatwave. $8 advance / $10 door. 9:30pm. Tickets available at eventbrite.com. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131 MAUI STAND UP COMEDY - Fri, Sept 23.

Mauians Chino LaForge, Teresa Sickles, Shaggy Jenkins and Mark Mathews take the stage for a rip-roaring night of adult humor. 10pm. $10.

Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 8743779 MOHALA MAI - Sat, Sep 24. Na kumu hula Napua Makua and Kahulu Maluo invite you to share in the 15th anniversary celebration of their halau hula. During an evening of dance and oli, enjoy performances by both their adult and keiki students who’ve won awards at the prestigious Merrie Monarch Hula Festival. Pre-show dinner

by Alexander’s Famous Fish. $40. 5:30pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org BARKTOBERFEST: FAMILY FUN FOR EVERYONE - Sat, Sep 24. Maui Humane Society’s second annual Barktoberfest, featuring ono grinds, killer beer by Maui Brewing Co., and live entertainment by Ahumanu, Lisa Owen & The Village Musicians, Gerit Williams, Sebrina Barron, and the one-and-only Haiku HIllbillys.

Tickets available at MHS or West Maui Pet Supply. See This Week’s Picks for more. Full event (includes buffet and two drink tickets): $85 adult / $30 keiki seven-to 15-years-old,

from 5:30pm - 10pm. General admission: $25 adults / $10 keiki, from 7pm - 10pm. Keiki 6 & under FREE. 5:30-10pm. Sheraton Maui Resort and Spa, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina; 877-3680 ext. 32; MauiHumaneSociety.org PAULA FUGA WITH MIKE LOVE & SAM ITES - Sat, Sep 24. This show will lift your spirit in a way you won’t forget. 6pm dinner / 7pm show. $60 four-course dinner + show / $30 show-only. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779 ZEPTEMBER - Sat, Sep 24. All biases aside, this is one of the best concerts on the island.

Seriously. Do. Not. Miss. This... See This Week’s Picks for more. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131 TREASURES OF THE ‘AINA - Sun, Sep 25.

Hale Makua Health Services’ signature fundraising event, now in its 23rd yeard. Highlighted by an impressive tehatrical performance from ‘Ulalena with short vignettes expressing the captivating story of Maui’s legendary creation. $85 adults ($20 tax-deductible) / $20 keiki tenyears-old and younger. 5:30pm. Wailea Beach Marriot Resort & Spa, 3700 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 871-9283; halemakua.org MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FESTIVAL - Thu through Sun, Sept 22-25. Featuring fine folks like Les McCann, Jevon Jackson, Tom Scott, Brian Stolz, Skip Martin, Brittni Paiva, Henry Allen and more. This special series of events continues Thursday (Sept 22) at Stella Blues with SLAM and special guests; continues on Friday (Sept 23) with a VIP jazz dinner at the Grand Wailea’s Grand Dining Room; then gets hot and heavy on Saturday (Sept 24) at the Grand’s oceanfront Molokini Garden; and wraps up on Sunday (Sept 25) with a delightful jazz brunch. Special room rates available. Call for reservations. And, See This Week’s Picks for more. 875-1234; mauijazzandbluesfestival.com

STAGE MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “THE GARDEN OF BE” - Opens Fri, Sep 23. Runs Fri-Sun through Oct 2. Written by hip local playwright Tess Cartwright, with original music by Joe DeRose and original choreography by Aly Cardinalli.

Directed by Steven Dascoulias. A sweet, inspiring and symbolism-steeped exploration into a realm of color, language and love. Perfect for keiki and kupuna alike. 7:30pm Fri & Sat. 3pm Sun. $40/$22/$15/$10. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com

TICKETS ON SALE DAME KIRI TE KANAWA - Sat, Oct 1. Born in New Zealand of Maori aristocracy, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa moved to London in her early twenties and found fame after her sensaional 1971 debut at the Royal Opera House Covent Garden. During this special Maui performance, this star soprano is joined by pianist Terence Dennis. $75/$100/$125. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. JOAN SORIANO - Thu, Oct 6. Known as “The Duke of

Bachata” (with “bachata” being a brand of guitar-based music birthed from impoverished Dominican Republic communities), Joan Soriano is the genre’s biggest star. His work even augments the critically acclaimed doco, “Santo Domingo Blues.” Of the style of Caribbean music Soriano is helping make famous, NPR’s Banning Eyre explains that “Dominicans call it “amargue,” literally bitterness, but there’s an element of cathartic sweetness there, too.”. $28/$33.

7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. TERENCE BLANCHARD - Fri, Oct 7. Wiki may say it best when it describes Terence Blanchard as being “known as a straight-ahead artist in the hard bop tradition [who] has recently utilized an Africanfusion style of playing that makes him unique from other trumpeters on the performance circuit.”. $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org PROARTS PRESENTS “SYLVIA” - Thu-Sun, Oct 7-23. Greg and Kate (Scott Newman and Marilynn Hirashima) move to Manhattan after 22 years of child-raising in the suburbs. Greg brings home a dog he found in the park bearing only the name “Sylvia” (Jackie Shea) on her name tag.

A street-smart mixture of lab and poodle, Sylvia becomes a major bone of contention between husband and wife. Kalani Whitford playing three roles as Tom, Phyllis and Leslie. 7:30pm Thu-Sat. 3pm Sun. $20 adults / $15 students (18-yearsold and younger) / $15 kama’aina (Oct 20 only).

ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 4636550; proartspacific.com REGISTER NOW: THE SEVENTH ANNUAL COONEY SURF CONTEST - Sat, Oct 8.

Show off your surfing skills at this year’s 7th annual Cooney Surf Contest that honors the late Steve Cooney, who was a talented surfer.

Divisions include mini groms (8 and under), menehune (9-11), boys (12-14), junior men (15-17), open men, teeny wahine (13 and under) and open women. Also, come down to see the Invitational Air Show. Entry forms available at hanahwysurf.com. Entry fee is $25 for regular divisions and includes a T-shirt and lunch.

Spectators are free. 7am. Ho’okipa Beach Park, Hana Hwy., Paia TAJ MAHAL - Fri, Oct 14. This legendary composer, multi-instrumentalist and vocalist has been a driving and defining force in late 20th century blues and roots music. But you knew that! He’ll be joied by The Hula Blues Band, which forrmed after Taj Mahal moved to Kauai in 1981—and has been together ever since. $40/$50$/60. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org CAKE - Sun, Oct. 23. When Weird Al Yankovik parodied Cake’s style, his song title “Close, But No Cigar” was apropos. (Well, tenuously).

Why? Because no one rocks a vibraslap quite like Cake! Hurry up and get your tickets, lest you’ll be left as high and dry as the rattlingteeth jawbones that inspired the vibraslap itself. $39/$49$/89. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/22

9/23

9/24

9/25

9/26 - 9/28

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ DJ Jamn J 9pm; no cover

Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ Iggy, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J, 10pm; $10

Jones vs. Rampage / Rock & Roll Night w/ D/VJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ & DJ Iggy, 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm / TUE - Braddah Francis, 4-7pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA feat. Seattle’s Almond Brown, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause / Super Nova feat. Indio & Gibran / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Mystic Roots w/ Lia Live & The Kryptones 9:30pm; $10

Mustache Madness w/ DJ Kurt & DJ Trvr 10pm; $5

Wavetrain feat. Grammy Award nominee Mark Johnstone 9pm

Paia Fourth Friday w/ The Kihei Cowboys, 9pm Erin Smith & Friends, 11pm

North Shore Dance Party w/ DeejDASNFX 10pm

NFL Sunday Ticket

Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Ryan Palma, 7:30-10pm (no cover)

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

TUE - Maui Tribe presents Willie K and The Warehouse Blues Band, 9pm; $10 / WED Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

The Sky Lounge w/ DJ CIA 8pm-12am

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

Cane Fire 10pm; no cover

(Huge!) Ladies’ Night 10pm; no cover

The Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Juke Box Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Friend 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Junior Lacuesta / TUE - Mycle Watsman / WED - Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR

NFL / Karoke / Free Pool Night

Karaoke / Darts

Karaoke & Darts

NFL / Karaoke / Darts

MON - NFL / WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music, 10pm-close; no cover

NFL / Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Super Dub Tribe 9pm-close; no cover

NFL / Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - NFL / Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

MON through WED - Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

(SHOW); mauiarts.org FOURTH ANNUAL HALLOWBALOO MUSIC + ARTS FESTIVAL - Thu-Sun, Oct 27-30.

Not sure what you’re doing Halloween weekend? Plan on going to the best costume party in the Pacific and Hawaii’s largest live music showcase! Bands include Warpaint, Paper Diamond, Baths, Man Man, The New Mastersounds, and Gaudi with an additional 35+ bands, DJ’s and theatrical groups and 15,000+ costumed crazies—including Maui’s own Freeradicals Projekt, DJ Boomshot and MOTHxp, and local favorites Hell Caminos, Mike Love, Kings of Spade (check ‘em out this Friday at Mulligan’s), and the Cherry Blossom Cabaret.For tickets and wristbands visit hallowbaloo2011.eventbrite.com. Honolulu, HI MAUI MOVIE PREMIERES: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” & “IN LOVE WITH THE MYSTERY” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the debut of these new movies directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee.com/ in-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); whenthemountaincalls.com ONE WORLD FESTIVAL - Sun, Nov 6. It’s Q103 FM’s third annual Maui Massive One World Festival, featuring two reggae legends: Third World and Inner Circle. Tickets available via the MACC box office or luckymanhawaii.com.

3pm gates / 4pm show. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org POINT PANIC MUSIC FESTIVAL: FEATURING SUBLIME WITH ROME, PEPPER, IRATION, AND DUB TRIO - Sun, Nov 20. An all-ages show! Hawaii’s BAMP Project partners with California’s Guerilla Union to present the Point Panic Music Festival. Featuring the return of Sub-

lime with Rome to the Valley Isle, plus Hawaii’s own Pepper (currently on the Vans Warped Tour) and Iration, as well as—for the first time in Hawaii— the Brooklyn-based band, Dub Trio (which doubles as Matisyahu’s backup). Tickets available through the MACC box office. 3pm doors / 4pm show. $45. 3pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. MACEO PARKER - Sat, Jan 14. Pass the peas, gimme some more! The one and only Maceo Parker—the funk saxophonist famed for his work with Parliament Funkadelic and James Brown—is coming to Maui.

Seriously. $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

ANNOUNCEMENTS PROARTS INC. AUDITIONS - Sat, Oct. 1 ProArts. Inc. announces open auditions for the final two shows their current season. The musical shows are “Jack & the Beanstalk,” a ProArts original fractured fairy tale opening in November; and Ruthless! The Musical by Joal Paley and Marvin Laird, which opens in December. Auditions are by appointment only. 9:30am-1:30pm. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka Shopping Center (Makai), 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com

FOODIE GROWN ON MAUI COOKING DEMONSTRATIONS - Mon, Sep 19. Every week in September, the Maui County Farm Bureau has sponsored a special chef demonstration, part of their “Grown on Maui, Agriculture Matters” campaign. This week, learn tips and tricks from Ryan

Luckey of Pineapple Grill a the Kapalua Resort.

Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Whole Foods Market, 70 Kaahumanu Ave #B, Kahului; 872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui FREE VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASS: “A NIGHT IN” - Tue, Sep 27. Every Tuesday, vegetarian Chef Devin Kintop teaches you how to create delicious, all-veggie dishes. This week, learn how to make a bay leaf and black peppercorn plum sparkler, eggplant with orzo rice, broiled tomatoes and myer lemon bundt cake. No registration required. Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Down To Earth, 305 Dairy Rd., Kahului; 877-2661; downtoearth.org SLOW FOODS TASTE EDUCATION: POULTRY - Wed, Sep 28. Retired Maui Culinary Academy chef instructor Bobby Santos returns to the classroom to share his knowledge of raising poultry chickens. Having grown up with livestock—and with his parents and grandparents raising and preparing what they farm—he continues his family’s fresh food tradition. $15 individual session. $125 series of nine classes. 6-7:30pm.

Class Act, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 8723310; mauiculinary-campusdining.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 TEN REASONS WHY IT DOESN’T GET DONE IN BUSINESS AND HOW TO FIX IT - Dr. Robert Santry serves as CEO and Master Coach-Consultant-Trainer of Life & Success Adventures, and presents a talk that provides new business owners and current business owners wanting to expand their business with ten reasons why tasks and projects do not get done in business and offers ten solutions. Maui County

WED - Karaoke

Business Resource Center, Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 873-8247

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 FESTIVALS OF ALOHA: HAWAIIAN ARTISANS & KEIKI HULA SHOW - Enjoy a keiki hula show as you peruse some of Hawaii’s finest artisan wares. Purchase an official festival button ($5; cash-only) to get discounted admission to events (never mind that it’s a sweet memento for your scrapbook). 10:30am-5:30pm. The Four Seasons Resort Lana’i, The Lodge at Koele, One Keomoku Hwy., Lana’i City; 565-4000 / 8707546; fourseasons.comkoele FOURTH FRIDAY IN PAIA TOWN - Goodies abound in this seaside town, with events that include: opening reception featuring ceramic tile and mask artist Tracy Lamon + refreshments and live music from Upcountry Celtic (Maui Crafts Guild); wood burning demonstrations by Christine Turnbull (Maui Hands); featured contemporary artist Lori Koprowski will be showing off her new collection (Turnbull Fine Art); perfume salon party with live music (Agua De Flora); storewide celebration and special Fourth Friday sale (Biasa Rose); free accupuncture demos and consultations + live harp performance, pupus and punch (Grace Beauty); free sample of hemp incense (Hemp House); live jewelry making by Cyndi Jay (Moonbow Cabana); sale on featured clothing (Moonbow Tropics); 10% off everything in store from 5pm-8pm (Maui Girl); free samples of local produce (Mana Foods); wine, cheese and music from 6pm-8pm (Paia Inn); portion of proceeds from 4:30pm class will be donated as a benefit for Vermont + live music (Paia Yoga); new shipment celebration (Indigo); light pupus and wine + 20% off all whites. Special door prize will be given to one lucky attendee (Pearl); pau hana

SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/22

9/23

9/24

9/25

9/26 - 9/28

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm

Willie K 9-11pm; $5

Glenn Kakagawa & Benny Uyetake, 8-10pm

Sam Ahia, 3-5pm

MON through WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

WED - All Access Entertainment presents Ladies’ Night

Salsa Night

Howard Ahia 6-8pm

Live Music

Status Party feat. DJ Twizy, DJ Jem and DJ Treb, plus Philly Blunt & Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

MON - Marvin, 6-10pm / All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm12am / WED - Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover) Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

Phil & Angie Benoit

TUE - Open Mic Night

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9:30pm-12am

Kings of Spade w/ Rabbit & The Propers 9:30pm; $8/$10

ZEPTEMBER

The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - TBA, 6:30-8:30pm / Rockin’ the ‘80s Party, 10pm-12am / TUE - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, 7-8pm / WED Willie K, 7-9pm.

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

mauimusicmecca guest DJ, 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

Ooklah The Moc 0pm; $10

NFL

MON - NFL / TUE - Viva La Rumba, 8pm

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

specials and dinner service + entertainment starting at 9pm (Charley’s); $3 Coronas and $6 Patron margaritas ‘til 9pm. (Milagros); buy one housebrand T-shirt, get second half off (Sailboards Maui). Hope you got all that! If not, go down and see for yourself!

6-9pm. Paia Town

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 2011 MAUI SCHOOL GARDENING WORKSHOP - As part of this year’s effort, the Home Gardening Support Network, an organization that aims to provide new learning opportunities for home gardeners, is collaborating with the Maui School Garden Network to host the 2011 Maui School Gardening Workshop. This event is to be held at Montessori School Maui. The aim of this workshop is to provide youth with additional resources to teachers and other adults involved in youth gardening programs on the island. To learn more and to register, contact Anne Gachuhi by phone or email, hgsn2011@gmail.com.

Registration deadline - Sept. 15. $40 for whole day workshop including lunch. 9am-4pm. Montessori of Maui, 2933 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 446-2361; homegardeningsupportnetwork.com LAHAINA JOB FAIR - Pacific Radio Group will host its first-annual Lahaina Job Fair where dozens of Maui businesses will have representatives on hand to meet those seeking employment and discuss job openings. 10am-1pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 6615304; lahainacannerymall.com BAILEY HOUSE MUSEUM DAY - In honor of Smithsonian magazine’s 8th annual Museum Day, museum goers will have the chance to visit the Bailey House Museum free of charge! Museum Day reflects the spirit of the magazine and

24 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

emulates the free-admission policy of the Smithsonian Institution’s Washington, DC-based properties. Donated Hawaiian books will be on sale as a fundraiser for the museum. Donations are happily accepted as they are tax deductible and assist the Bailey House with continuing their mission to collect, preserve, study, interpret and share the history and heritage of Maui. Bring the whole family and don’t forget your ukulele so you can join the kani ka pila group! Don’t miss out on a fun day at the museum! Free. 10am4pm. Bailey House Museum, 2375-A Main St., Wailuku; 244-3326; mauimuseum.org

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 THE MAKAHA SONS IN CONCERT - The illustrious Makaha Sons perform a special showcase of their cherished compositions. Plus, yet another cute keiki hula show. Best of all, admission is as simple as your official festival button. . 7 p.m. The Four Seasons Resort Lana’i at Manele Bay, One Manele Bay Rd., Lana’i City; 565-7700 / 8707546; fourseasons.com/manelebay

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 COCKTAILS FOR A CAUSE: MARTINI BALLERINI - Got a case of the Mondays? No worries, there’s a cure! Simply pluck-up the courage to go out and do something unexpected. Need ideas? Here’s one: attend Ambrosia’s Cocktails for a Cause benefit for Beauvais Ballet, a Mauibased organization—said to be Hawaii’s first ballet company in 32 years—that’s bridging cultures across the Pacific with performances of Hawaiian stories told through contemporary ballet in Arizona and California. At the Ambrosia party, strut your stuff to funk-rock duo SuperNova, with

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

Indio on keyboards and Gibran on guitar, plus enjoy screenings of performances by famous ballet companies. In addition to specialty martinis and pupus, sample “Beauvais’ Brew,” a cocktail created especially for this event by a volunteer.

Ambrosia will donate a portion of the evening’s sales to Beauvais Ballet, and proceeds will contribute to the creation of two dances for the camera, “Ruins” (to be filmed at Old Maui High) and “Psyché.” Artistic director Renee Beauvais believes, “For serious dance students it’s important they have professional performing experience in addition to student recitals. The sooner they know how the real dance world works the sooner they will be able to position themselves in it.”. No Cover. 8pm-12am. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 572-3094; facebook.combauvaisballet

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 CALLING ALL FILM FOLK: FILM OFFICE OPEN MEETING - Maui County’s put a call out for all producers, directors, casting agents, location managers, camera operators, actors, extras and anyone else involved in our islands’ film industry to attend a special meeting. Harry Donenfeld, head of the Maui County Film Office hosts, discussing the future of the film industry in Maui County and to gather more information about the types of services, equipment and talent that is available for film productions here. Free. 6pm.

Kahului Community Center, 275 Uhu St., Kahului; 270-8228 (fax); harry.donenfeld@mauicounty.gov

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Junior & Oren 7:30-

10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live Jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Ryan Palma 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908.

DA KITCHEN - Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat & Sun, live music 5:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990.

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Fri, Friday Nights in the Sky Lounge with DJ CIA 8pm12am; Every Sun & Mon, Kama’aina Nights w/ Wolf 6-8pm. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 662-3000 DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Duke’s Beach House - Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 5-7pm.

130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900.

HULA GRILL - Hula Grill - Wed, Alika 1:303:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Ivan 6:30-9pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:303:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30-3:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

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Ahumanu / Maui Stand Up Comedy 10pm; $10

Paula Fuga w/ Mike Love & Sam Ites 6pm/7pm; $30/$60

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HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson; Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

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LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Mon, Marvin 6-10pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun, Live jazz. 4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

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SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause 8pm + live entertainment 9pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night [September is Mike Meyers month! This week: “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” (1997)] 7:30pm.

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CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224.

26 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

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CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

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The Meaning of Hawaiian, Part 2

BY ANU YAGI

O

ur slice of the Earth has plunged into the belly of night; and if the compound deadline were at all literal, I’m but bones, nails and hair six feet under. Nothing new, but it hurts like hell all the same. The weight of this week’s cover story is suffocating—too much mis/information and competing passions to be a sieve for. So I do what I do whenever I hit a wall: turn the ignition and wield my lead foot. (It’s an Upcountry syndrome, me thinks.)

I find myself at the top of Waihe`e Valley Road, the first point at which access to Swinging Bridges et al has been barred.

Cerebrally, I don’t believe in (so-called) spiritual signs—but I (seem to) get them all the time. So I’m not looking for anything—but I am.

Cutting the engine as Dubkonscious’s “Promised Land” strikes it’s chorus, I hear the lyric “Behold...”

It’s dark. A clear sky makes for a cold breeze, flavored with the bite of bracken and mountain citrus, and it whips from my duct a hot, tired tear. And too, the wind’s scourged the la`i stalks’ leaves to shreds, hanging threads where they’ve been woven into the wires of the locked gate. My thin jacket’s lack tells me I’ve tarried too long—so I leave, wanting, too.

Solenoid. Distributor. Flywheel. Alternator.

Firing order; and my cruiser’s feral purr.

And, the CD resumes, “... The Promised Land, within the living man / Heaven is within your hearts / Love is within your hands... / All shall be revealed in time...”

These vocals remind me of a story (bear with me, I’ll get to it in a bit) that Johanna Kamaunu told me during our talk story-style interview at the Sept. 3 gathering at Waihe`e Ball Park, a show of support against the recently restricted access.

Truth be told, that meeting was the very first time I’ve ever been around so many fellow indigenous Hawaiians, sharing mana`o. And for that fact, I was scared.

But anxiety abated because though I arrived as a stranger, I departed a sistah.

I did not expect this.

See, I was half-adopted. Growing up, I never really knew my kanaka kin. Fair, flaxen Mom’s burnished blue eyes had shed too many tears over my native biological father. (But how can you blame a Hollywood-born but Hawaii-viaSamoa-raised stunner for falling in love with a gregarious M.H.S. classmate whose hearty laugh once cockled like bright waves under a keen sun? And in ways, can you really blame said guy for falling victim to drugs, which like ignorance, can be bliss, after all?)

I was the plumeria girl in ‘Iao Valley, where Mom remarried an austere, Okinawan Paia boy. Soon, I called him Dad—and about him, I oft and only wax poetic. And so it was we became a family; first in Kuau, then Waikapu where little Jayson was born, and not long after planted our foursome in fertile Kula.

Being blessed in this way has always seemed fair trade for my kanaka-disconnect.

So, no matter if I felt a lonely ache of displacement—even when raised in my aboriginal homeland. I still knew myself to be a modern local girl with local parents, through and through. What more did I need? What more did I deserve?

But Kamaunu, maybe reading my thoughts (if it was not painted on my countenance) shared with me a story of how she’d “always wondered if [she] was really Hawaiian.”

This struck me. I mean, here’s this clearly Hawaiian woman who’s certainly my senior, wearing a navy-collared mu`umu`u with hair tied high in a bun. How could she of all people question her authenticity?

Kamaunu said, if I may succinctly paraphrase, that she’s long admired people who’ve spent their lives becoming master artisans and practitioners, but laments that, “in [her] advanced age,” and even before, she did not accomplish such things and so never felt as entitled to being Hawaiian as others perhaps were.

Everything changed just a few years ago, she says. It was on a workshop-trip to Hawaii Island, with a group of fellow educators, that Kamaunu says she glimpsed a glorious valley that she’s longed to see her whole life. The awe she felt at the sight made her feel, for the first time, truly Hawaiian.

The day of her and her group’s departure, the valley was ensconced with clouds. She looked out at the thick cloud bank, begging for it to break—so that she might see that inspiration once more and burn it into her mind as the visual representation of what it meant her to be Hawaiian.

Lo and behold, the sun parted the clouds.

But Kamaunu said that as soon as she saw that image she’d longed for, she realized she didn’t need to see it at all.

“It was here all the time,” she said, tapping her forearm.

Wait. So this lonely feeling of displacement is not, in fact, so lonely after all? And perhaps, this feeling might even be universal and speak to a larger truth about the effects of oppression?

As I’ve open my ears to the idea (while beginning to be bold enough to think myself worthy of cultural inheritance, and therefore seek it) I’m hearing more of this shared sentiment—and all from kanaka maoli who by looks and whatnot I might remark as being more invested in Hawaiiana than I. Really? You, too?! It’s enough to weep over, and so I did.

Later, I looked at my own forearm. I traced the thin blue vein and counted the track marks from my bout with blood cancer. I’ve still got more questions than answers, but wherever and however this journey to find meaning might take me—for the first time I know I’m not alone. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid

anu@mauitime.com

28 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1514k

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

It’s never too late. There are a few things in life that it is too late for you to do—become a professional ballerina, astronaut, or child prodigy, for example—but these instances are very, very rare. Almost anything you’d actually want to do is still possible (although it may admittedly be more challenging or difficult than it would have been if you’d begun earlier). Don’t write off your dreams just because the courage or clarity to attempt to fulfill them has arrived a bit late. However, don’t waste a lot of time now, either. If you’re having this much trouble getting going now, just think of how much harder it’ll be next year (or next decade).

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Your truth can sometimes be harsh, but that’s no reason not to share it. The only reason, in fact, to keep it to yourself is if opening up about it will only cause pain without also creating understanding. I admire your reluctance to inflict pain at all, but please accept that for most of us Scorpio-lovers, comprehension and awareness of the big picture are more important than protection from a bit of suffering, or hearing a harsh truth.

Speak it, baby. It’s yours and not only can the people around you take it—they want to take it.

do-gooders from unloading all their delightful advice upon your unwilling ears, so getting pissed off about it is hardly going to help matters. In fact, about the only thing you can control here is your own reaction. That means keeping a tight rein on your (totally justified) feelings, mostly biting your tongue, and moving on as quickly as possible. Engaging these over-eager advisers will just prove frustrating and pointless, so avoid it and walk away. Don’t look back. It’ll just encourage them.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS

...to questions on page 6

1. A. True 2. D. “Run” like hell if you come across a bomb.

3. E. All of the above

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

One of the coolest (and most potentially frustrating) things about the world is how incredibly differently people can see things. Very few (or perhaps none) of these perspectives are inherently “right” or “wrong” so avoid that misguided mindset.

Naturally, you may discover that someone’s way of looking at the world is so different from yours that you two are essentially incompatible. But is that really the case here? Amiably agreeing to disagree, without overt judgment, has been the basis of many a beautiful relationship. Since converting them to your way of thinking is highly unlikely, at least consider it a better option than simply walking away.

You of all people should know that if you push too hard for an answer you’ll almost always get the answer you don’t want. After all, that’s the one you deliver when someone tries to move you faster than you want to go. The difference here is that you’re almost never the one who wants to push things faster, so when you finally feel it you want it all to happen right away! Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works. If you want to sabotage things, go ahead and keep applying pressure to them. But if you’d like them to at least have a chance of turning out how you want, back off.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

I’m almost never late, so I occasionally have real trouble swallowing my annoyance about others’ tardiness and/or lack of apology about it. This is a nitpicky thing, but the implication behind being late to meet someone is quite simply that your time is more valuable than theirs, and not apologizing says that they ought to just accept that. Now that you know I get the issue, believe me when I say that making a stink about it is a pretty bad idea right now. You need to do something I’d find just as difficult: let it go and get over it, for your own good.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Try to avoid your emotional extremes right now. The blunt “no” you want to blurt out is a little harsh, don’t you think? See if you can make it a conditional “yes,” instead. Even if the conditions you feel you need to attach to it are pretty intense and difficult, at least it leaves the option open, which is always kinder and more interesting than simply shutting the door. Yes, they may very well be unwilling or unable to rise to the challenge, but if they do, wouldn’t that be a win-win situation for everyone?

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

People do change, of course, but just saying it’s happened isn’t the same as it actually happening. I don’t believe the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing, but at the same time, I’m willing to concede that someone who was willing to go there once is definitely more likely to go there again—unless they’ve truly had a profound and lasting change of character. This is something only time will tell, and to some extent that requires you to offer the benefit of the doubt. Do you have the patience to see what happens here? Decide now—because if you don’t, it’s probably better for all concerned if you just bail right away.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Other people are simply overflowing with unhelpful, unsolicited suggestions, aren’t they? There’s no stopping these would-be

It’s true that some people can take (and live) lies very deep, and carry on elaborate deceptions for long periods of time.

However, that’s almost never actually the case—and, despite your compelling suspicions, probably isn’t here, either. Let this one go until incontrovertible evidence confirming your doubts presents itself. You have better things to think about. Don’t waste a ton of time trying to figure out what is (or isn’t) an intricate scheme to keep you in the dark. Shed your paranoia long enough to assume that the simplest explanation is also probably the most accurate one.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

I don’t blame you for being daunted by the list of UnpleasantCrap-That-Must-Be-Done you’re facing. Luckily, you shouldn’t be tackling all of this alone, even if enlisting aid is more annoyingly complicated than it should be. Divvying up unpleasant tasks is hardly a fun job, but sometimes it just needs to get done—especially if the alternative is you tackling all of them yourself. Luckily, the only options aren’t just being a hardworking doormat or an uncompromising tyrant. There’s a lovely place in between where you enlist others’ cooperation, generously do slightly more than your fair share, and end up with everyone mostly happy, including you.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

You know you can be touchy and moody. Admit it. And to some extent anyone who wants to be close to you will simply have to deal with these facts. However, that does not mean you have carte blanche to inflict your volatile emotions and drama on whoever happens to be nearby. As you evolve, you must learn other ways of coping with this stuff. This week, work on securing the help you need to really come up with and put into practice ways to become lower maintenance and more fun to be around. That help’s totally there, just waiting for your call.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Must you be delighted by everything those you love adore?

Of course not. Must you tolerate it? Probably, yes. Must you pretend to like at least some of it? Not necessarily, but doing so might have two positive benefits: 1. It’ll make them feel good (provided you never, in the heat of the moment, throw it back in their face (“And by the way, I always hated watching football with you!”)), and 2. You might actually develop a genuine new interest. While in the latter case it’s unlikely you’ll ever develop the same passion as those around you, it’s not inconceivable that your new pastime brings you real joy, anyway, and adds to the overall richness of your life. Give it a go.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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BUY & SELL CASH FOR TOOLS We Loan Cash For All Good Condition Working Tools 52 N. Market St. Wailuku 2425555 CASH FOR OLD POI POUNDERS & OTHER HAWAIIANA We Loan Cash For Old Poi Pounders & Other Hawaiiana 52 N. Market St. Wailuku 2425555

$BUY & SELL$

t jus for

WEST MAUI GOLD 667-7689 1000 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA Pleasure Essentials for Love & Romance

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$25

PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293 (AAN CAN)

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JEWELRY t DIAMONDS WATCHES t COINS COLORED STONES MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS SURF BOARDS

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HEALTH

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MUSIC EQUIPMENT CASH FOR UKULELES We Loan Cash For Ukuleles 52 N. Market St. Wailuku 2425555

FOR SALE MAKAWAO LIVING FOR THE PRICE OF KIHEI VILLAGES 2 bd/1 bath cottage with north shore views $198,888. Josh Jerman, Realtor (808) 283-2222 The Wailea Group LLC WWW.DEVELOPKIHEILAND. COM 3.24 acres with preliminary subdivision and SMA approval across from the ocean. $1,449,000 Josh Jerman, Realtor (808) 283-2222 The Wailea Group LLC

5 ACRES COLORADO $7,500.00! $100 down, $100 monthly. Surveyed, on good road.

Near small town, trout fishing river, electric service, and mountains. Call Owner 806-376-8690, diane.steed@att.net

PAID IN ADVANCE! Make $1,000 a Week mailing brochures from home! Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies!

No experience required. Start Immediately! www.homemailerprogram.net

SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

EARN $75-$200 HOUR (Now 25% Off) Media Makeup Artist Training. For Ads, TV, Film, Fashion. 1 wk class. Learn & build Portfolio. Details at: AwardMakeUpSchool.com 310-364-0665 (AAN CAN) ACTORS/MOVIE EXTRAS Needed immediately for upcoming roles $150-$300/day depending on job requirements. No experience, all looks. 1-800-5608672 A-109. For casting times/ locations. (AAN CAN) COCONUT GRILL AM/PM Servers Needed, Experience Necessary. Apply In-Person at the Coconut Grill, located at the Seaside Hotel in Kahului. Call 871-8881 for more information

REAL ESTATE

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://www.Roommates.com. (AAN CAN)

VACATION RENTALS CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation rental from $69 per day. Call Toll Free Wailuku Guesthouse 877986-8270 or www.wailukuhouse. com

SERVICES STOP RENTING AND START OWNING!!

Take advantage of the best buyers market in decades. Find out how easy it is to buy a condo or home here on Maui. Rich Littlefield (R) 808-268-0808 Coldwell Banker Island Properties

SERVICES MAUI RECYCLING SERVICEPicks up all your glass, plastic, aluminum, tin, newspaper, & cardboard. Now also: glossy paper & office paper recycling offered.

Home Pickup; a convenience for $25.15/mo! Bi-monthly pick up.

Commercial accounts avail. Call Now! 244-0443

Trust us.

Contact brad@mauitime.com or call (808) 283-3260 for more information. *4 week minimum, black & white. Add $10 for full color

30 SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

We don’t like seeing these damn mimes either.

Yokis

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& Gowns

MULTI-UNIT KIHEI INVESTMENT PROPERTY Rent amounts currently total $2925/month. Only $329,000.

Josh Jerman, Realtor (808) 2832222 The Wailea Group LLC

$$$HELP WANTED$$$ Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-405-7619 EXT 2450 http://www.easyworkgreatpay.com (AAN CAN)

2011 FEDERAL POSTAL POSITIONS $13.00-$36.50+/HR., Full Benefits plus paid Training. No Experience plus Job Security. Call Today! 1-866-477-4953 Ext. 152.

NOW HIRING!

PRECISION SHARPENING Knives, Scissors, Clipper Blades, Garden Tools and More. See us at the Maui Swap Meet every Saturday from 7am-1pm in space 314. We’ll sharpen your knives, scissors or tools while you shop, or call 446-0134. Over 12 years experience.

ADVERTISE YOUR BUSINESS IN MAUITIME FOR AS LITTLE AS ..........................................

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NOTICES DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH IS OFFERING FREE HIV TESTING & COUNSELING (STD/HEP C as well). Mon: Kihei Community Center— 11-2 pm Tues: Wailuku Health Center— all day Wed: *Paia Community Center— 12-3 pm ( 1st, 3rd, (5th) week): *Haiku Community Center—12-3pm (2nd, 4th week) Thur: *Lahaina Comprehensive Health Center—9-12pm Fri: (non-furlough Fridays) Wailuku Health Center—appt. *=starting 4/1/10 Results in 2 weeks. For more info CALL 984-2129.

ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not submitted directly to us. If you have a question directly concerning AAN CAN, please check out aancan.org

WTF?

Mind, Body & Spirit MIND, BODY & SPIRIT *HEALING HANDS M4M* Treat yourself to a full-body M4M combination nurturing & therapeutic bodywork session. In-calls & out-calls available. Call 242-1122.

TANTRA LOVING BODYWORK Inanna 264-6325 PSYCHIC READINGS BY MEGAN Help in reuniting lovers, also tells past, present and future. 469-2780242 FIND MAUIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S HOLISTIC EVENTS! Visit www.mauivision.net today and explore our extensive mind, body & spirit listings. New August/September Maui Vision Magazine out now!

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Astrology & Psychic Readings

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 31

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CERTIFICATES & RE-CERTIFICATION The Office of

MATTHEW BRITTAIN, LCSW Coordinating M.D. Services for the Medical use of Marijuana QUALIFYING MEDICAL CONDITIONS INCLUDE: (but are not limited to)

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Fall renewal special, Only $125 through Dec. 30th Plus the $35 State processing fee Please call Matthew at our Main Office in Hilo at

(808)934-7566 We are not a dispensary. Offering monthly clinics on Maui.

We are not State of Hawaii employees or contractors.

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