15.10 Newt Returns To Maui, August 25, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 10

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Newt Returns To Maui!

We saw Gingrich speak in Wailuku so you wouldn’t have to.

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Contents VOLUME 15

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: Where would you take your third spouse to celebrate your 11th wedding anniversary?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Reno

✚

ISSUE 10

COVER: Artwork by Wilder Schmaltz wilderschmaltz.com

Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter A taping of Antiques Roadshow Proofreader: Dina Wilson Paris Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sarah Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Therapy

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NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY FOOD & DRINK FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES THIS WEEK’S PICKS DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID KULA KID HOROSCOPE CLASSIFIED MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Gathering of the Juggalos

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor.

MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person.

No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Hell

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

Administrative Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Bali Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Group Tantra

NOW N OW F FEATURING EATURING SPECIALIZED SPECIALIZED

READER FEEDBACK

BY READERS LIKE YOU THIS LAND IS THEIR LAND This could not be more depressing (“Maui’s Dirty Dozen of Land Development,” Aug. 18, 2011). Maui simply MUST adopt extremely strict development codes or there will be nothing left of the unique beauty that makes this island a beautiful place to live and the tourist’s #1 choice.

-K., Los Angeles, CA, via mauitime.com I was blown away reading your list of “Maui’s Dirty Dozen of Land Development.” Thank you for enlightening us all. What I was left wondering is the following: is anyone on your staff following the rat down the hole and researching how these bozos got their permits to build these water guzzlers amid a drought? And is there a way people interested in organizing protests can find each other?

the books for years. Nothing on that list is new. The best (though most difficult) way to find out more information is to contact the county Planning Department and attend Maui Planning Commission hearings, though they are often so dull they tend to put even the sturdiest gadfly to sleep.

YOU’RE WELCOME! Thanks MauiTime for all your great entertainment and investigative reporting. Your cover artwork has also been exceptional. Keep it up!

-Stella Rivers, via Facebook

CREEPTASTIC! What a creep! (Eh Brah, Aug. 18, 2011). Call the cops on him and get him for indecent exposure.

-Kymberly Marr, via Facebook

-Nancy London, Kihei Anthony Pignataro responds: All of the projects

CORRECTION

outlined in the “Dirty Dozen” story are ripe for follow-up stories.

But please keep in mind that all of these projects have been on

We misspelled the name of Teddy’s Bigger Burgers in our Aug. 18, 2011 story “Essential Restaurants.”

SEND YOUR FEEDBACK

to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime.

We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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NEWS&VIEWS

The Green Labor Guy K Talking with Maui County Democratic Party Chairman Todd Craine

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

eokea resident Todd Craine took over as chairman of the Maui County Democratic Party in May. Though Craine has considerable party experience on Maui, he’s still very much a rookie chairman. And as usual, his party is in perpetual conflict—progressives and environmentalists on one side, labor unions and land developers on the other. On Aug. 19, Craine stopped by the MauiTime office to chat about local politics, the 2012 election and the work required to get even his own party faithful organized.

Why do the Republicans scare you?

The Tea Party is holding Republicans, and the nation, hostage. They’re tearing it all down. There are over a thousand right-towork [anti-organized labor] pieces of legislation right now nationwide. They have a

That’s traditionally a demographic held by the Republican Party in Hawaii. How do you change that?

We need to be championing the cause of Native Hawaiians.We need to support the recognition of Native Hawaiians. But I’m

MAUITIME: So you’ve been chairing the county Democratic Party since May. What’s your biggest goal?

Maui County Democratic Party Chairman Todd Craine

That’s all a tall order.

It’s clear we need to support Neil [Abercrombie]’s New Day Plan, and that means Big Wind, too. It’s clear we need to get off Big Oil. It’s been predicted by Goldman Sachs that oil will soon go for $200 a barrel. But even if they get Big Wind [an extensive network of windmills] off the ground, we’re still behind schedule.

vendetta against Barack Obama. There’s no intention to compromise. they showed us during the fight over the debt ceiling: they are willing to drive us right over a cliff with their crazy principles. I don’t see any form of compromise. It’s a lynching. They want to see him destroyed, and they want to kill his health plan.

None of this sounds easy. Ever feel like you’re in over your head?

We hold events that cost $500, $1,000 a seat. I can’t afford that—I’m a teacher now!

But if I was waiting tables a few years ago at the Grand Wailea and now I’m the Democratic Party Chair, then anyone has a future and a voice and can get involved in politics. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

TODD CRAINE: Organization. It’s a really sleepy off-season. We need to get organized.

At the executive committee meeting last week things were so bad I finally said that grass roots members can just stay home and yell into a fan.

Why is this so difficult?

A lot of people are unhappy with what’s going on. There are a lot of different factions in the party. Maybe we all didn’t get what we wanted from Barack Obama or Neil Abercrombie.

I understand the economy is pretty ravaged.

Every governor in the nation has a rough job now. I wouldn’t give Abercrombie’s job to a monkey on a rock.

The Republican Party has its squabbles, too.

I think that the alternatives to Barack in the Republican Party are frightening. They are also very organized. It’s time for us to get organized.

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So how do you combat that?

One of my hot buttons is voter registration. I especially want more Native Hawaiians.

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not certain how to engage Native Hawaiians, how to get them to come into the process. Maybe when they get self determination this will happen, but they need to get involved.

Speaking of getting involved, there’s long been a schism between labor and environmentalists, both in terms of the Democratic Party as a whole and the organization here on Maui. Now you’re a union guy yourself—a waiter, in fact.

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How’s it going?

I need to see party unity. When I came in there was a sense of a rift between unions and progressives. I made it clear to the union guys that we need to come together. I told them to save their heat for the big fight. I’m an ILWU [International Longshore and Warehouse Union] guy who came out of a green place.

I came out of Humboldt County, California. I consider myself a fairly liberal guy, but I was brought up to support labor unions. I’m also just finishing up work to start teaching special ed. I have a personal interest in improving public education. I personally believe NCLB [No Child Left Behind] should be repealed.

It’s an unfunded mandate. And I just saw last week that Hawaii scored rather highly in math, but lower in reading and writing.

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NEWS&VIEWS

QUIZunderstood 1. On Aug. 22 the Maui Visitors and Convention Bureau announced new steps in

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its “ongoing effort to garner favorable travel press coverage for the Islands of Maui Nui.” Which of the following will the Bureau NOT be doing in the next few months?

A. Pay for journalists from “local, regional and national publications” to stay on Molokai in late August, during which time they will see a thriving taro patch, hike through Halawa Valley, visit Kalaupapa and make a “bread run” to Kanemitsu Bakery, among other activities.

B. Fly Maui resort representatives to California in mid-September to meet with journalists in that state.

C. Fly a group of “social media travel influencers” (read: bloggers) to Maui for a week in early October, where they will stay in resorts “across Maui Nui” for their stay.

D. Hold a two-day conference of travel writers in Kaanapali to discuss such topics as the unemployment that plagues Molokai and how climate change will affect the islands’ weather and shoreline.

2. According to an Associated Press story this week, in July person or persons unknown chopped down thousands of papaya trees on Hawaii Island, apparently with machetes. According to the story, who is the most likely culprit?

A. Rival mango farmers.

B. Anti-GMO terrorists.

C. Ninja loggers.

D. Termites.

3. This week San Diego-based Western Apartment Supply & Maintenance Co., which owns the Maui Oceanfront Days Inn, a small hotel in South Kihei that includes Sarento’s on the Beach, declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy, according to the Pacific Business News.

A. True B. False C. If society itself is bankrupt, does Chapter 11 really mean anything?

See answers, page 29

Overheard “We’re back to before Watergate when it comes to campaign donations.

What a mess.”

-One man to another man at a Starbucks in Kihei, Aug. 18

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AUGUST 25, 2011

NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO there. Since then unemployment rates have bounced between 12 and 15 percent. If anybody who currently holds public office or would like to in the near future has any ideas on what to do about this (non-porn/animal abuse-related only, please), now would be a great time to speak up.

LAULIMA FARM'S CAFE CLOSES Saw a depressing Facebook post from my friend Katie McMillian (TEDx Maui) this week: “Tragic news from Kipahulu. The Dept. of Health will not continue to allow the Laulima Farm's fruit stand to serve any prepared foods... meaning their bicycle peddled smoothies, fresh picked garden salads, and coconut milk lattes!!! Wow, this is one of the rare places on earth where you could experience the true meaning of fresh. Makes no sense that they would approve a tripple fried corn dog stand at the Co. Fair but not this.”

That the post generated 56 comments in seven hours tells me that you people really, Really, REALLY enjoyed the quaint country simplicity that made Laulima Farm such a wonderful little spot in Kipahulu.

But hey—Laulima Farms apparently never applied for a permit from the Hawaii Health Department to serve food, so on Aug. 9 the department closed down the cafe.

“They don’t have a food establishment permit,” said Patti Kitkowski, an official with Health Department’s Maui office.

“They were selling smoothies. They were also using catchment water, which is not approved. Everything they were doing was not approved. They can sell whole fruit, but they cannot sell baked goods or cut fruit.”

Kitkowski said the department was tipped off by a complaint. This is odd— Laulima Farm has been selling smoothies made from their bicycle-powered blender for years (indeed, Mauitime put the blender on the cover back in 2004).

Beth Rings with the farm denies Laulima uses catchment water. "We use spring filtered water," she said. As for Josh Stearn, the farm’s owner, he places the blame for the whole thing on himself.

“We never got a permit,” he told me on Aug. 22. “It’s really our own problem.

I don’t blame them [the Health Department]. We were never legally supposed to be serving coffee.”

Stearn said that farm will now shift to just an ag stand. He said he will not apply for a food establishment permit.

“There’s a certified kitchen just across the street, in case people want food,” he said.

“I’m happy about it. It means less work.”

HARD TIMES It’s not quite as sexy as the announcement this week that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) will be launching a porn website that juxtaposes full-on sex with animal abuse (please note: I’m saying the actual announcement is sexy in a journalistic sense, not that the proposed site is sexy in a, well, sexy sense, which actually strikes me as weird and creepy), but the news from the state Department of Labor and Industrial Relations that the seasonally adjusted unemployment rate in Hawaii in July was 6.1 percent certainly made me stand up and take notice.

SHAMELESS PLUG Well, I’ve gone and finally gotten my novel published. It’s called Small Island, and it’s an old-timey noirish tale of intrigue, violence and sex set on contemporary Maui.

I actually wrote the novel back in 2008, immediately after I resigned from MauiTime but when I was still living on island. I wrote it, edited it, showed it to some people, edited it more, queried some agents, became frustrated (my favorite criticism was that the story wasn’t enough like Magnum, PI) and eventually just put it away.

Then not long after I returned to Maui and to the MauiTime editor’s office (midJune 2011), I received a press release from Event Horizon Press, a small book publish-

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This is great news, right? I mean, 6.1 percent is minuscule when compared to the seasonally adjusted unemployment rate for the nation in July of 9.1 percent.

And it is great, though when you start to break down the state unemployment figure to its component counties and even islands, then things start to get complicated—and depressing.

Unfortunately, official figures for Hawaii’s counties and islands are not seasonally adjusted (“seasonal adjustment” is a statistical technique used by economists to factor in seasonal fluctuations into unemployment rate calculations, so that economists can more easily compare data from, y say, the busy tourist month of July to the typically slower January). Still, the numbers seem

to indicate that portions of Hawaii are still struggling with joblessness.

Maui County’s non-seasonally adjusted unemployment rate for July was 7.5 percent, worse than Honolulu’s 5.4 percent but way better than Kauai County’s 8.5 percent and Hawaii County’s 9.5 percent.

When you further break down Maui County’s numbers, the island of Maui comes in at 7.3 percent (again, not seasonally adjusted), which is worse than Lanai’s more than respectable 5.3 percent but absolute paradise when compared to Molokai’s intolerable 14.7 percent.

Even with seasonal adjustment, there’s no doubt that the situation on Molokai i an economic disaster. Molokai is Ranch closed in 2008, and things appa apparently only got worse from

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Needs more Magnum PI

er located in Palm Springs, California, asking for action/adventure manuscripts that could become ebooks. It was just a general release, not even addressed to me personally. But I remembered my manuscript and impulsively sent it off.

Joseph and Barbora Cowles, the publisher and owner, respectively, both read it and loved it. E-versions of the novel are now available for sale at the low, low price of $3.99 at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. A trade paperback version is in the works, and should be available for sale in late October or early November. ■

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510n2

AUGUST 25, 2011

7

NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS Join us for a

Australia Pacific Whale Foundation

breed and give birth.”

Last year, PWF researchers gathered data on whales in Port Douglas, the Whitsunday Islands, Hervey Bay and Eden.

The foundation shares data with the Queensland Department of Environment and Heritage and the International Whaling Commission to help establish effective management plans for protecting whales.

They also run a small retail shop in Urangan Harbor.

BK AWARDS SCHOLARSHIPS TO THREE MAUI STUDENTS

PWF GOES DOWN UNDER FOR WHALES Pacific Whale Foundation (PWF) participated in the 12-hour Hervey Bay Whale Festival in Australia this year. Hervey Bay, located in Queensland, Australia, is known as the “Whalewatch Capital of the World” for the humpback whales found there from July to October. PWF has been operating on Maui for 31 years and in Australia for 27 years.

“We don’t have a ‘fleet’ in Australia— just one research boat,” said Anne Rillero, a PWF official. “We currently have two members of our research team gathering data on whales in Hervey Bay and later, along other points of the eastern coast of Australia.”

An important migratory route for a specific population of South Pacific whales is found along the eastern coast of Australia. This population of whales feeds near Antarctica during summer (in the southern hemisphere), then migrates north along the coast to warm water breeding areas during winter. Then as the weather warms and spring approaches, the whales migrate south along the coast back towards their feeding area near Antarctica.

Hervey Bay is along that migratory route and is where at least some of the migrating whales, especially mothers and calves, stop for a few days or more.

Hawaii is a breeding ground, so it’s more of a destination than a point along the migratory route. The whales seen in Hawaii spend their summer feeding off the coast of Alaska.

“Pacific Whale Foundation has studied and watched whales in Australia for 27 years,” said Greg Kaufman, president and founder of the PWF. “We’ve worked in Hervey Bay since 1987. We were absolutely delighted to take part in this year’s Hervey Bay Whale Festival.”

Andrew Ellis, Pacific Whale Foundation’s Australia Operations Manager, served as the emcee at Ocean of Fun on

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AUGUST 25, 2011

the Children’s Stage for much of the day and also offered an interactive talk about whales. Kaufman also gave a presentation about whales.

During the Illumination Parade, Pacific Whale Foundation presented its research vessel. The boat was decorated

Fabrienne Joy Cariaga Burger King Scholarship

with paper mache whale flukes, handcrafted by a local family.

“This was a fun way to launch our 2011 whale research season in Australia,” said Kaufman. “We commenced our research shortly after the festival, driving up to Port Douglas to study humpback whales in an area where they are thought to

Thirty one Hawaii students will “have it their way” via Burger King’s education foundation this year. The foundation gave $1.4 million in scholarships to 1,258 students nationwide. Among the winners were 31 students from Hawaii, who each received $1,000 awards in recognition of their outstanding academic and community involvement achievement. The Maui students who won are Kento Tanaka-Tamaki from St. Anthony High School and Fabrienne Joy Cariaga and Jethro Casina from Maui High School.

Created in memory of Burger King cofounder, James W. McLamore, the scholarship program has awarded a total of 15,070 scholarships, representing $15.4 million in awards since the program’s inception in 2000.

“In today’s economy, it’s too easy for dreams to be deferred,” said Ivette Diaz, executive director of the Have It Your Way Foundation. “This year, we have enriched the program by not only giving away a record number of scholarships, but by adding three $50,000 awards and one $25,000 award.”

Eligibility requires a 3.3 minimum GPA and U.S. or Canadian citizenship. In addition, high school graduates must apply as a full-time freshman to a four-year accredited college or university located in the U.S. and achieve a minimum ACT score of 25 or 1700 on the SAT. Students throughout the United States, Puerto Rico and Canada are eligible. Recipients are selected based on their grade point average, work experience, extracurricular activities and community service.

This year’s changes attest to the Burger King Scholars Program’s growing popularity, as well as the large number of deserving students in need of financial help. The field of 31,000 applicants represents an exponential increase in the number of applications over last year, when just 3,200 students applied.

For more information on applying for a scholarship in 2012, visit www.haveityourwayfoundation.org. ■

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NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

GOT MILK? Berjuan Toys is already selling its Breast Milk Baby online ($70) and expects to have it in stores later this year.

The doll works by the child-”mother” donning a halter top with flowers positioned as nipples, and when the baby comes into contact with the a flower, sensors mimic sucking sounds. Although dolls that demonstrate toileting functions are already on the market, breastfeeding activists are more enthusiastic about this one, hopeful that girls’ comfort with breastfeeding will result in decreased bottle-feeding later on. Opponents have denounced the doll as forcing girls to “grow up” too soon and with choices too complicated for their age, which according to the manufacturer is as young as three.

THE CONTINUING CRISIS Frances Ragusa, 75, was back in court in Brooklyn, N.Y., in June claiming child support she said was never paid by husband Philip Ragusa, 77, in their divorce settlement of 33 years ago. (The “children,” of course, long ago became adults, but the $14,000 judgment has grown, with interest, to about $100,000.) Frances told the New York Post in July that she called Philip several months earlier to discuss the amount but that Philip merely began to cry. “Don’t let this case go to trial,” she recalled telling him. “[I]f you think I’m going to forget it, Phil, you’re stuck on stupid.”

CRIME DOESN’T PAY Carole Green was fined $1,000 in July by a court in Leavenworth County, Kansas, for littering the property of the same Bonner Springs resident “most afternoons” for the past two years.

Green apologized and said the charge was a complete surprise. She said when she starts out in her SUV every day, and drinks a bottle of tea, it just happens that she finishes it at about

the same spot on her journey—in front of Gary Bukaty’s property—and that’s where she tosses the bottle. She promised to stop.

UTOPIA FOUND Rules to assure correct, “progressive” behavior were recently proposed by the San Francisco Commission of Animal Control and Welfare and the Colorado Department of Human Services. The San Francisco agency would ban the sale of all pets in the city limits, from dogs to gerbils to goldfish. (“Why fish? Why not fish?” asked one exasperated commission member, bristling at criticism.)

Animals sold as food for other animals would be included but not animals sold as food for humans. Day care centers in Colorado would be required, if it made dolls available at playtime, to have dolls of three different races.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

W

hat the heck were you doing kiting above Ka`a Point? Didn’t you see everyone yelling at you, trying to tell you that you were going to get all the kiters kicked out of the north shore by the FAA? Didn’t it ever cross your mind that you were the ONLY kiter below Ka`a Point? I guess you were more interested in flashing your bikini clad body and flirting with your boyfriend while you sailed right in front of the canoe full of keiki paddlers, forcing them to stop. If your line had dropped across their canoes, you might have killed one of them. Don’t you know that you’re required to stay 100 yards away from ANY canoe? We have the agreement that kiters stay below Ka`a Point to avoid resuming the windsurfer-paddler versus kiter war that threatened to get kiters kicked out of the area entirely. It was serious—blows were exchanged in that fight. Your thoughtless actions single-handedly threatened to restart that war again. Please just stop being such bimbo and get a clue. Even better, get out of the water! ■

YIKES! Southampton (England) University researcher told an academic conference in Stockholm in July that his work, demonstrating that women who stop smoking even after becoming pregnant will have healthier babies, is important because he found that pregnant women rationalize continued smoking, in part to have smaller babies that will be less uncomfortable to deliver.

PLAN B Jonathan Schwartz called 911 in New York City in July to report that he had stabbed his mother to death. A few minutes later but before police arrived, Schwartz called back 911 to report a correction: “No, she committed suicide.” The mother’s body was found with multiple stab wounds, and police, notwithstanding Schwartz’s “correction,” charged him with murder. ■ chuck@mauitime.com

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

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9

We saw Gingrich speak in Wailuku so you wouldn’t have to

By Anthony Pignataro n the e ove erccas st la ate aftterrnoo on ho ours off Saturda ay, Aug. 20, there were easily 150 people packed into the small but mercifully air-conditioned room at the Door of Faith Church in Wailuku (“out by Sack n’ Save,” the press release had helpfully noted). They were mostly TEA Party Maui members, and their blood was up. Clad in “We the People” and “Party like its [sic] 1773” t-shirts, they were there to see former Speaker of the House (and perennial presidential contender) Newt Gingrich on his fourth trip to the Valley Isle since 2007.

Pastor Barbara Tengan set the tone during her introduction. Twice she referred to “our [Hawaii’s] rich Christian heritage” and then, just to make sure no one misunderstood her, said, “No matter what you hear, the Christian missionaries did a lot of good.”

When I first saw Gingrich in 2007, he spoke at the now-shuttered Borders Books in Kahului (his trip was part of a book tour plugging Pearl Harbor, a fantasy/history novel he penned of the famous 1941 Japanese Attack). There, the crowd was a mix of fans and skeptics. This time, as I drove into the Door of Faith parking lot a 30 minutes before Gingrich’s 5:30 appearance and saw that I was behind an SUV showing off both an “I miss Reagan” and an “I really miss Reagan” bumper sticker, I figured the crowd would be distinctly more Gingrichista.

Gingrich said his visit to Hawaii was part of his presidential campaign, but given the state’s low electoral numbers and near-total Democratic Party control, others, like Politico’s Kendra Marr, have speculated the reason might have more to do with Gingrich’s 11th wedding anniversary. (Gingrich also spoke before students at Seabury Hall in Olinda on Monday, Aug. 22.)

His wife, the former Callista Bisek, was indeed present at the Door of Faith Church.

Twenty-three years his junior, Bisek had been a young congressional aide when Gingrich asked her to marry him 11 years ago.

The problem, as has now been reported in depth by others, is that Gingrich was not only still married to Mrs. Marianne Gingrich at the time he asked Callista to be his wife, but that he hadn’t (according to Marianne) even asked for a divorce yet. But in John H. Richardson’s September 2010 Esquire profile “Newt Gingrich: The Indispensible Republican,” Marianne says she wasn’t surprised, since that’s how he handled his proposal to her (Jackie Battley, Gingrich’s first wife, who had been his high school geometry teacher, was in the hospital suffering from uterine cancer when Gingrich informed her that he was getting a divorce to marry Marianne).

Given that a considerable portion of the Republican Party sees fit to tell people how to behave in the bedroom, and who they can and cannot marry, Gingrich’s marital life has always presented something of a problem to him—as it would any life-long “family values” man going on his third marriage. It didn’t surprise me in the least that Gingrich only briefly referred to his wife a couple times during his talk, and never brought her up to the lectern with him.

10 AUGUST 25, 2011

ARTWORK BY WILDER SCHMALTZ

onside ering g th he twiin au ura as of love and hate that still surround Gingrich, it’s hard to believe he spent just five years as Speaker of the House (1995-1999). Or that he hasn’t held a government job since Bill Clinton was in the White House. Or that he’s already run for president numerous times since his 1999 resignation, all of them wildly unsuccessful. Or that his current campaign has been marked by an absence of big donors, fleeing political aides and abysmal poll numbers (as Gingrich was working the room at 5:30, I noticed that various feeds on Twitter were reporting he had just scored five percent in something called the Barrow County Straw Poll and a mere one percent in a New Hampshire Straw Poll).

Presidential campaign shambles aside, Gingrich can still prove his mastery of rhetoric in 30 seconds to even the most hardened politico. “We are very interested in looking at the original intent of the founding fathers,” were some of the first words he told the crowd, and they brought the house down. “We need to begin to resurround [sic] the conversation with the intent of the founding fathers.”

We

are very interested in looking at the original intent of the founding fathers,” were some of the first words he told the crowd, and they brought the house down.

Who can argue with any of that? Of course, debating such statements requires understanding them in the first place, and that was questionable. Then again, isn’t good political rhetoric merely the art of making yourself as vague as possible? If so, then Gingrich achieved master status with the following: “There is a very profound problem with this country… that requires a totally different approach…

We are the only country in history that says power comes from God to each of you… There is no provision for a federal Department of Happiness. The idea that some politician is going to take from the overly happy and give to the under-happy would have struck the founding fathers as crazy… You can’t create jobs with class warfare and bureaucratic socialism… Bureaucratic socialism is you get to keep your company but we’ll tell you what to do with it… We have to have political leadership that actually favors creating jobs… The first executive order I would sign abolishes all White House czars as of that morning… I want a fundamental replacement of the civil service system…

Controlling the border is merely a matter of will power and focus…”

But these people, mostly but not all seniors, some wearing American Flag shirts and toting business cards emblazoned with American flags on both sides and boasting of titles like “Patriot for Less Government,” weren’t doing a lot of critical thinking.

They were applauding too much: at Gingrich’s calling of the congressional budget “supercommittee” “a really bad idea” that will lead to a “highly political ideological discussion;” his call to audit the Federal Reserve; and especially his promises to “eliminate the capital gains tax,” “cut the corporate tax rate to

12 and a half percent” and “abolish permanently the death tax.”

The fact that Gingrich had once supported the now-infamous federal bank bailout wasn’t mentioned (Gingrich certainly didn’t bring it up). Nor was the fact that though Gingrich repeatedly spoke of Washington as some place foreign and foolish (“They don’t like learning fundamentally new things”), he maintains a firm called Gingrich Group, staffed with dozens of Washington insiders and located on K Street—the so-called “Lobbyists’ Row” in Washington. Nor was his early support for mandating individual health insurance.

Then again, Gingrich did admit to being wrong on Iraq and Afghanistan, though only when prompted by a question from the audience. “I think we should leave as early as we can,” he said. “I was a hawk after 9/11. [But] we’re not going to change things.”

Of course, Gingrich is still Gingrich. His assertion, without a shred of sourcing, that “Korean civilization is actually a much easier civilization than Afghanistan” is curious and insulting and seems more appropriate to the Victorian colonial buffoonery of Kipling than a modern history professor. If you don’t believe me, here are the words of an actual pedigreed conservative scholar, James Q. Wilson, who in the late 1990s reviewed (for the Congressional Ethics Committee) the history course Gingrich was then teaching: “It is bland, vague, hortatory, and lacking in substance,” Wilson wrote, according to Richardson’s Esquire profile. “Scientifically, it is filled with questionable or unsupported generalizations.”

But who cares? Gingrich was on Maui! And he shook everyone’s hand who saw him at Door of Faith Church (including mine!). No one in at-

tendance seemed to mind any of the things Gingrich said, including his endless self-promotion.

He repeatedly mentioned his own campaign website (newt.org) and numerous books he’s written (consult your local library, if spending cuts haven’t closed its doors).

Gingrich knew his crowd, people who love America, right or wrong. These were true-believers; no pesky kids asking about corporate campaign donations like at Borders four years ago.

Gingrich promised to “totally control the border” (to keep out undocumented immigrants) and to get out of Afghanistan and Iraq “as early as we can”— both statements brought sustained applause. And the crowd laughed merrily when he derided President Barack Obama as “the best food stamp president in American history” and cheered vigorously when he promised to be “the best paycheck president” in history.

Message received: Democrats are for lazy illegal immigrants, while Republicans are for hard-working Americans who work hard for America.

Gingrich kept it simple, and it was effective.

Though apparently, not simple enough.

“Keep up the good work,” one old guy who identified himself as being from Newport Beach told Gingrich near the end of the evening. “When are you going to run for president again?” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510newt

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FOOD&DRINK

The Rum Lot

A dispatch from the annual Don the Beachcomber Mai Tai Festival

BY JEN RUSSO

I

Judges Mick Fleetwood and Sam Choy nojosa, Corzo Brand Ambassador; and Chris Teves, publisher of Hawaii Beverage Guide.

The atmosphere was laid back for having 10 grand on the line, but that’s how it is in

“Bartenders are suddenly all interested in the Mai Tai, whereas just a few years ago nobody took Tiki drinks seriously as the groundbreaking cocktails that they were.”

Royal Kona Resort lobby lounge. Giant rock tiki heads overlooked the action, and the jagged lava coastline seemed to meet the deep blue Pacific right on the cusp of the bar—one that features 13 distinct Mai Tai recipes. At the reception, while servers passed around trays of poke stacked cucumbers and pineapple glazed chicken sticks, Christian Self of the Edition Waikiki, 2010’s Mai Tai Champion, served hundreds of his winning Mai Tai Twist in gentlemanly fashion as celeb judge Mick Fleetwood graciously posed for photos.

“The highlight was being invited by [owner] Gary Hogan and being around such a wonderful social event at the Royal Kona Resort. I loved seeing so many people enjoying themselves,” said Fleetwood, “It was my pleasure.”

That was Day One. At 10 the next morning, we gathered for a briefing given by Joey Gottesman, the Young’s Market mixologist and event emcee. On hand were a few of the judges: Beachbum Berry, a rumologist and author of several tiki cocktail books; Juan Coronado, Bacardi Brand Master; Manny Hi-

PHOTO BY RYAN MATSUMOTO

f rum’s history is a sordid tale of sugar and slaves, then the Mai Tai is its steamy love child, complete with a questionable blood line. Every August, Mai Tai-philes gather at the Royal Kona Resort for the annual Don the Beachcomber Mai Tai Festival honoring the drink’s colorful contribution to cocktail lore by celebrating the many creative incarnations it will become during the accompanying competition.

This year 30 Mai Tai mommies and daddies from around the world competed for the honor of innovating the best Mai Tai. The competition gets bigger and better every year, with the inclusion of evermore celebrity judges, as well as more attendees. A cruise down Ali`i Drive, the main drag in Kona, revealed a colony of red and black Bacardi bats fluttering by on festive flags. This small West Hawaii town was ready to revel to the tune of a $10,000 grand prize from Bacardi for the winner who makes Mai Tai history.

The first thing on the agenda of the twoday event was a cocktail reception in the

Hawaii: things move along as if you’ve already downed a few Mai Tais. A couple bartenders wandered in late, while Gottesman spoke

about etiquette, rules, preparation and points.

Cocktails were judged on seven factors: presentation, nose, palate, finish, balance, creativity and whether they were true to form.

Each factor had a possible 10 points, making seventy points a perfect score. Oh, and competitors had just seven minutes to create their drink (finishing after the buzzer sounded caused a five-point deduction).

After final details were explained and the rounds worked out, it was time to hit the Mai Tai Fest’s Battle of the Barbecue. The live music and food festival held on the resort’s luau grounds were a welcome distraction from any pre-contest jitters. Ten chefs from restaurants like Huggo’s, Roys and the Fish Hopper grilled meat for the Best Barbecue and People’s Choice awards.

The votes this year unanimously gave Waikaloa newcomer Banjy’s Paradise Bar and Grill first place for both. Chef Aaron Carter’s pork sliders with pepper jack and onion rings wowed the judges. As the bar competition set up, Mai Tai’s flowed liberally while Hawaiian music legend Henry Kapono played a poolside concert with a cameo performance

by Mick Fleetwood.

The judges were chipper as the contest got going. First Chef Sam Choy joined the panel, and Mick Fleetwood had two stand-ins for the first few rounds: manager Carl Stubner and writer Anthony Bozza.

In the first round John Abreau impressed the panel with his vessels made of sugar and embellished with coconut, while Alice Hartling from Frankie’s Tiki Room showed us how Mai Tais are done in Vegas.

Maui’s 10 contenders made up the largest group of contestants; Oahu sent six bartenders and Hawaii Island eight. But not all the bartenders came from Hawaii—Adam Bursik represented the Rum Club in Bratislava, Slovakia, and swizzled his beautifully presented Tea Time Mai Tai with aged habarka and garnished it with crushed tea cookies infused

Wendy Agustin

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FOOD&DRINK

Maui Calls

WANDERING WINO

BY JASON CASTLE

M

INGLING WITH PEOPLE who have a lot more money than I do, I prepare myself to seek out the best wine of the bunch at a charity wine & food event. It’s Maui Calls, an annual benefit held at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center. Top tier winemakers have flown in to pour the good stuff alongside the island’s best chefs.

I avoid the incredibly popular Rombauer Vineyards’ table, if only because the line is too long, and skip Chappellet Winery because I already love them too much. Instead, I meander to Selby Winery.

Susie Selby, the owner/winemaker, is on hand and I’m eager to give her a quick Wino quiz.

I ask Susie what makes her a successful winery owner. “Well, I can drive a forklift,� she says without pausing.

According to Susie, it’s necessary for winemakers—especially females—to master all facets of the vinification process. This proficiency not only garners respect from the rest of the team, but provides valuable time to concentrate on blending, where the winemaker’s true artistry surfaces.

Sold on the story; now let’s see if the wine is any good.

I’m urged to try the Selby Chardonnay ’09, from Russian River.

I’m not the biggest Cali Chard fan, but this one is damn good. In fact, it may be the best Chardonnay of the evening, despite some serious (and seriously expensive) big hitters in the lineup. Yellow

....Continued with Grand Marnier.

Of the Maui competitors, Tommy Bahama Wailea’s Ka`ai Fong started by taking a shot of Bacardi Superior before making his Hawaiian Heritage Mai Tai, which he served in a hurricane glass. “I felt a sentimental connection to Wendy Agustin from Beverly Gannon’s Haliimaile General Store,� said Fleetwood of one of the bartenders. “I liked the presentation of her Mai Tai in a pineapple.�

Fairmont Kealani’s Deliah “Dia� Asada’s Kilauea Eruption incorporated chile pepper water with Bacardi 151 while Eric Martinez from Four Season’s Wailea cleverly mixed in milk and halo halo with Bacardi Rock Coconut.

The crowd went berserk as Brice Ginardi from Okolemaluna in Kona incorporated a bit of drama, staging a Fed Ex delivery during his creation of the No Ka Oi Mai Tai. The bartenders used a variety of strategies.

Jeff Felice of the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort Villas went for DiSaronno and dark chocolate notes in his Mai Tai Truffle. Seattle bartender Andrew Bohrer from The Rob Roy employed almond milk as “the most slacker way to make orgeat [syrup],� he said. “Using plain almond milk was the simplest way I saw to get that flavor.�

Between rounds, Beachbum Berry brought the crowd up to speed on the scrap between Don the Beachcomber’s Mai Tai and the Trader Vic Mai Tai—the ancient and competing creation myths of the “true� Mai Tai. We’ll probably never know which is the earlier drink, but such tales only add to the Mai Tai’s mystique (Berry is one of the most knowledgeable on the topic, and has spent the last 20 years collecting vintage tiki recipes; he also wrote Remixed, A Gallery of Tiki Drinks, which covers the Mai Tai in depth). “I do a lot of cocktail seminars around the

apples, fresh lemon and a hint of peach paired with great acidity‌ it’s a winner at less than $25 retail.

My personal favorite is the Selby ‘Old Vines’ Zinfandel ’07, also from Sonoma County. It possesses the requisite Zinfandel notes of blueberry pie and strawberry jam, but without the booziness of Zin. Easy drinking and light, it’s now a staple of my wine diet. It also sells for slightly less than $25.

Throughout the night I have a glass here of tasty Cab and one there of yummy Syrah, but nothing that delivers the quality of Selby Winery, when you factor in the price. You can request these wines at specialty shops like The Wine Corner and Maui Prime, and I’ve heard a rumor that Roy’s Kahana has picked up the Chardonnay.

Later in the evening, Susie calls me over to weigh in on a debate.

What should she name her new (as yet unmade) red blend? Having “tastedâ€? one too many wines by this point, I immediately say “Succubus. It’s a female demon who entices men with her erotic beauty‌ Perfect for a red blend made by a famous female winemaker, no?â€?

I seriously have to stop drinking so much. â– The Wandering Wino is a Certified Specialist of Wine & Spirits and Advanced Sommelier. Follow the hunt @TheWineCastle on Twitter.

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Gary Hogan and Christina Maffei PHOTOS BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

country and in Europe now, and bartenders are suddenly all interested in the Mai Tai, whereas just a few years ago nobody took Tiki drinks seriously as the groundbreaking cocktails that they were.� says Berry.

But back to the contest. In the end, the judges crowned Trump Waikiki’s Christina Maffei champion of the Mai Tai. Her Ilikea’s Mai Tai was a masterpiece of color and flavor, mixing Bacardi 8 and select DiSaronno, Domain de Canton and roasted pineapple puree, but her denouement had to be the scoop of Bacardi gold pineapple sorbet placed on top. “There was good use of rum and temperature at work in this cocktail,� said Coronado, “as the ice melts and dilutes this drink the sorbet comes in and adds to the chill and texture.�

All in all Coronado commented that the competition was a step up from last year, and the

caliber of the drinks reflected that. “I felt I could apply what I learned in fine dining in Chicago to cocktails here in Hawaii,� said Maffei. “I love the creative side and playing around in the kitchen.�

The Peoples’ Choice Award–and $500– went to Okolemaluna’s Brice Ginardi.

While we give nod to the by-gone stories of these legacy drink recipes, we truly celebrate the next generation as innovators like Maffei carve out a new history of cocktails that we can claim as our own. â– jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

MAUI FOOD

+ DRINK WITH

MAUITIME

FLAVOR

Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 808-280-3286 or fax to 808-244-0446.

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.com

AUGUST 25, 2011 15

FILM

Creepy In A Good Way Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark makes monsters fun

BY BARRY WURST II Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

★★★★★

Rated R/99 min.

T

here was a moment early on in Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark where I knew the movie won me over. During the first half, we never see the basement dwelling monsters that haunt the mansion that was recently purchased by a renovator (Guy Pearce) who moves in with his girlfriend (Katie Holmes) and his daughter (Bailee Madison).

Initially, we only hear the creatures as they creep up on you, whispering not-so-sweet nothings in crisp hisses. We learn that the creatures don’t like bright light (making them not unlike the monsters in Gremlins) and are tiny but threatening little critters. Anyway, the moment that made me smile was when one of the monsters says (and I’m not making this up), “turn off the lights, we’ll be your friends (Ha! Ha!)” and his monsters buddies, also giggling, say “yeah, we’ll be your friends!” followed by more wicked cackling. There’s nothing like a cluster of teeth-eating, child terrorizing monsters that have a fiendish sense of humor.

16 AUGUST 25, 2011

This remake of a fondly remembered (and well established motivation for their mischief even more surreal) 1973 TV movie was reportand are more interesting than the humans. edly sparked by producer Guillermo Del Toro Holmes’ work is the strongest of the three recalling how much the original once terrified leads, but her performance won’t cause anyhim. It seems every generation of TV watchers one to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch. remembers seeing something on the idiot box Madison is fine at acting very, very scared but that once petrified them. For some, it may have been episodes of The Twilight Zone, Tales from the Dark- Not as good as Gremlins side, Dark Shadows or Twin Peaks.

For me, it was a horrifying hour of an HBO series called The Hitchhiker that my sweet Aunt Cindy let me watch one afternoon while babysitting me at her house in Makawao many summers ago. Funny, how something that once made us lose hours of sleep can years later be a source of fond nostalgia.

The 2011 version is something of a mixed bag but, bottom line, it’s a horror movie with some big scares and could induce some serious chicken skin. After a grisly opening and a so-so start, you get great Pearce’s one-note turn is as irritating as his spooky-old-house atmosphere, and a couple gruesome haircut. jolts that are real whoppers but a horror show Oddly, the biggest scare is featured promtoo familiar to be great. inently in the film’s trailer, but the build-up The creatures are cool looking, have a of suspense is good and the movie knows

the monsters are best when kept in the shadows. Troy Nixey, making his directorial debut, shows real filmmaking talent, though it’s a hair less effective than The Orphanage, the other film Del Toro produced but didn’t direct (this one has more in common with Del Toro’s own Pan’s Labyrinth from a story angle).

The film is not as scary as this year’s Insidious or The Others, still the best and freshest cinematic ghost story of the past 10 years, but it is well made, with amusing monsters, a real mean streak and a few good jumps.

It’s just not very original or memorable. At least a dozen other movies have covered this material before. In fact, the Kim Darby-starring original may be a hair better and shares the same blood curdling closing moment.

Like a vivid nightmare you wake from, it shakes you up, but once the lights go up, it fades from the mind pretty quickly. ■ barry@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510f

FILM

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The Help - PG13 - THU 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00.

FRI-TUE 1:05, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00.

Our Idiot Brother - R - FRI-MON 11:30, 1:45, 3:50, 5:55, 8:00, 10:05. TUE 1:00, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 9:50.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU 10:45, 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10, 10:25. FRI-MON 11:15, 1:50, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) 30 Minutes or Less - R - THU 11:00, 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:15. FRI-TUE 11:00, 1:15, 6:00, 8:00.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2D)

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Columbiana - R - FRI (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25.

SAT-SUN (1:40), 4:15, 6:50, 9:25. MON-WED (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25.

Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. FRI (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 9:55. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:30), 5:00, 7:30, 9:55. MON-WED (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 9:55.

Conan The Barbarian (3D) - R - THU (11:30, 2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30. FRI (12:10, 5:10), 10:00.

SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30.

Cowboys & Aliens - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:05. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:05. MON-WED (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:05.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:40, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50. MON-WED (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50.

Friday Night (2D) - R - THU (11:45, 4:45), 9:45.

FRI (12:10, 5:10), 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:10), 5:10, 10:00. MON-WED (12:10, 5:10), 10:00.

Friday Night (3D) - R - THU (12:15, 2:15, 2:45, 5:15), 7:15, 7:45, 10:15. FRI-WED (2:35), 7:35.

Friends with Benefits - R - THU (2:25), 6:50.

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie - PG - THU-FRI (12:30, 2:40, 4:50), 7:00, 9:10. SAT-SUN (12:30,

2:40), 4:50, 7:00, 9:10. MON-WED (12:30, 2:40, 4:50), 7:00, 9:10.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:05, 3:00, 5:55), 8:50. SAT-SUN (12:05, 3:00), 5:55, 8:50. MONWED (12:05, 3:00, 5:55), 8:50 .

One Day - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:50, 4:25), 6:55, 9:25. SAT-SUN (1:50), 4:25, 6:55, 9:25. MONWED (1:50, 4:25), 6:55, 9:25.

Our Idiot Brother - R - FRI (12:35, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:35. SAT-SUN (12:35, 2:50), 5:05, 7:20, 9:35. MON-WED (12:35, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:35.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (1:45, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:45, 4:10), 6:40, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:10, 6:40, 9:15. MONWED (1:45, 4:10), 6:40, 9:15.

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) - G - THU-FRI (12:00, 4:30), 9:00. SAT-SUN (12:00), 4:30, 9:00. MON-WED (12:00, 4:30), 9:00.

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (3D) - G - THU-WED (2:15), 6:45.

Zookeeper - PG - THU (12:20, 4:45), 9:10.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) 30 Minutes or Less - R - THU (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40.

Columbiana - R - FRI-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark - R - FRI-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:05, 9:35. MON-WED (1:45, 4:20), 7:20, 9:35.

Final Destination 5 (2D) - R - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:35.

Friday Night (2D) - R - THU (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. FRI-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:15, 9:40. MONWED (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:40.

NEW THIS WEEK

Momoa (of Baywatch Hawaii and Stargate: Atlantis fame) stars. 112 min.

but didn’t hook up in college but then never quite did anything after. 108 min.

COLUMBIANA - PG 13 - Action - Television and movies teach us that witnessing your parents’ murder either turns you into Dexter or a femme fatal assassin eager for revenge. Zoe Saldana stars. 124 min.

COWBOYS & ALIENS - PG13 - Spaghetti Sci Fi - About frickin’ time! Director Jon Favreau does us the favor of casting Indiana Jones and James Bond, to boot. 118 min.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 - Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min.

THE SMURFS - PG - Animation - Because anything sweetened with nostalgia must be dredged up and destroyed. 103 min.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 - R - Horror - Here’s the secret: If you stay a virgin to this franchise, you’ll live forever. 102 min.

SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD - PG - Family - This is the fourth franchise installment, and they’re calling it “4D” as it includes something called “aroma-scope.” I.e. another layer of weird smells to add to the usual theater odors of hurricane popcorn and pee. 104 min.

DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK - R - Horror - See this week’s film critique. 100 min.

ONE VOICE - PG - Documentary - Each year in Hawaii, 2,000 high school students compete alongside their classmates in the Kamehameha Schools Song Contest. This documentary follows these students’ passionate journey through their music-immersed education, as seen through the eyes of ten student song directors and their fellows. 84 min.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER - R - Comedy - Pogonomaniacs/Paul Rudd fans rejoice! A bearded Rudd plays a bumbling (albeit well-meaning) post-prison couchsurfer who’s determined to reunite with his estranged pup, Willie Nelson.

90 min.

NOW SHOWING 30 MINUTES OR LESS - R - Comedy - Directed by Ruben Fleischer. Stars Aziz Ansari, Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride and Nick Swardson.

After all, who else could make murder and bank robbery so hilarious? 98 min.

CAPTAIN AMERICA- THE FIRST AVENGER - PG 13 - Action - Sorry, Walt Whitman fans. This movie may look grim and daring, but it isn’t about Abe Lincoln. 124 min.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN - R - Action - Chee hoo! Conan’s a kanaka! Virile Jason Namakaeha

FRIDAY NIGHT - R - Fantasy - In this remake, Collin Farrell’s the latest Hollywood hunk to don fake fangs in efforts to cash-in on moviegoers’ blood lust. 121 min.

GLEE: THE 3D CONCERT MOVIE - No stampeding, OK? We have a feeling this is going to be in theaters a long, long, long time... While you’re getting gussied up to go out, consider taking Brittany Pierce’s (Heather Morris) advice: “Hairoraphy. It works best when you pretend like you’re being Tasered. (Just) move your head around like you’re spazzing and stuff.... It’s like cool epilepsy.” 90 min.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 - PG 13 - Fantasy - Spoiler: this is the one where Harry dies. 140 min.

THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - Based on a 2009 novel of the same name, by Kathryn Stockett. A mixed-race group of friends–in 1960s Mississippi–risk everything to share their stories via a secret writing project. Barry Wurst II says it’s “uneven but has real fire in its belly.” 147 min.

ONE DAY - PG 13 - Romance - It’s largely predictable melodrama, with Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess playing lifelong friends who nearly

LAST CHANCE THE CHANGE-UP - R - Fantasy - Two couldn’tbe-more-dissimilar dudes (Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds) piss into a magic fountain–and wake to find they’ve swapped bodies. “More foul than funny, (it) doesn’t know whether it wants to be a sentimental parable or a filthy yuk fest,” says Barry Wurst II. 105 min.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - R- Comedy Starring the “Dick in a Box” guy and Jackie from That ‘70s Show Bonus: Mauian Woody Harrelson! 109 min.

ZOOKEEPER - PG - Comedy - The ever-indecisive Kevin James (of Mall Cop fame), apparently, had a horrible career counselor. Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone and Cher lend their voices.

111 min.

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

808.250.1788 HOWER PHOTO.COM

AUGUST 25, 2011

17

BEST SELECTION OF INSTRUMENTS ON THE ISLAND

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,5$7)' 0# $25-3%4 SALE $499 (/(.%2 (5 +/ 3 7//$ 5+%3 $39 #!",%3 '5)4!2 -)# 30%!+%2 BUY 1 GET 1 FREE Open 7 Days a Week SALE ENDS 08/31/11 While supplies last!

Confidence.

It’s a huge part of what we build at Valley Isle Gymnastics.

When a 7 year old VIG athlete Kayden Uwekoolani-DeCoite joined us at VIG, there’s little doubt he was a confident young man to begin with.

Our philosophies here of patience and positivity have contributed to his confidence and so many of Maui’s youth being much more confident in everything they do. Those aren’t our words. Those are the words we hear from our families just about every day.

Bring your copy of this ad when you enroll for your first-ever class with us, and it’s worth one FREE AFTERNOON SESSION of “School’s Out, Camp’s In� gymnastics camps, available any day your school is not in session. Camps available for ages 4 & up.

Offer valid through October 7, 2011.

Valley Isle Gymnastics S I M P LY

BECAUSE IT’S FUN!

250 Alamaha at Wakea, Suite N8 • Kahului • 871-6116 www.valleyislegymnastics.com • info@valleyislegymnastics.com

18 AUGUST 25, 2011

Photo Š Mark Moquin & WaveShotsMaui

(ANA (WY s +AHULUI s WWW UKES COM INTERNET PRICES WITH LOCAL SERVICE

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

PHOTOS BY JARED BRICK

The Goodness

of Green ucky we live Hawaii, eh? More than a land of aloha spirit and endless summer, over 30 million years of evolution, our wildly remote isles have yielded the highest endemism known on Earth. Celebrate Hawaii’s unique native flora—and support the programs and mission of the Maui Nui Botanical Gardens (MNBG)—by attending this Saturday’s (Aug. 27) Hawaiian Plant Sale and Family Fun Day. The event is free, but you can support the MNBG by purchasing rare Hawaiian plants sold on-site by various nurseries.

And, augmented by entertainment by KPOA 93.5 FM, other festivities include activities for keiki and guided tours of the gardens’ Polynesian plant collection. Remember, parking may abundant and free, but carpooling is fun and green.

9am-12pm. Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, 150 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului; 249-2798; mnbg.org

L

peaking of our comely home, the Keep The Hawaiians Islands Beautiful (KHIB) organization is working to keep it pristine. On Saturday (Aug. 27) they’re conducting an annual conference which focuses on litter control and greening initiatives— and you’re invited. A statewide network of Keep America Beautiful, Inc., KHIB conference highlights include marine debris reports and plans in the aftermath of Japan’s tsunamis. Not that conferences like this aren’t totally cool, but you’re going to want to stick around (or show up) for the big benefit extravaganza following the day’s events.

The evening’s entertainment begins at 4:30pm, and crescendos with a Castle Theater screening of Get A Job, at 6:30pm—the last chance you’ll have to see Get A Job in Hawaii this year. For those of you who are just emerging from under some cozy rock, we’ll remind you that Get A Job was shot entirely on Maui over 21 intense days last spring, and features 175 local cast-members (of 180)—including the late, great kumu Charles Ka‘upu, who passed away on July 13. “About us, by us,” as the film’s director Brian Kohne says, this independent

S

Get A Papaya

to be even luckier: Vacations Hawaii is giving away trips to Las Vegas all evening. Seriously. $20 advance / $25 day-of. 4:30-10pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org n other Maui-movie news, the first free movie night at Lahaina Gateway was such a huge success, they’re doing it again! This time they’re screening a rare, 1937 Hawaiianstyle cartoon at 7:15pm, followed by a “magnificently produced... ocean-oriented docudrama filmed throughout the globe” at 7:30pm. (Legal stuffs prevent us from printing film titles here, but you can find them at lahainagateway.com.) Mall-provided seating accommodates up to 100 peeps (first-come, first-served; no reserving seats), and beach chairs are welcome. Of course, No coolers or outside drinks are allowed, but why would you bother brown bagging it when myriad grinds abound? Speaking of grinds, if you attend arrive early and enjoy free chocolate fondue samples from The Melting Pot, plus other special deals.

Free. 7pm. Lahaina Gateway, 305 Keawe St., Lahaina; 877-7073; lahainagateway.com

I

ll this talk of green-meets-grinds events has got us hungry. If you are too, check out the Maui Products Festival this Saturday (Aug. 27) at the Maui Mall.

Cultural exhibits and local products will be on display, and the main stage acts run all day; including performances by Te Tiare Patitifa (11:30am), Na Pua Melia (1pm), Uncle George Kahumoku Jr. (1:45pm), and Energy 35 Productions (2:30pm).

Free. 10am. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 871-1307; mauimall.com

A

f you’re a fan of the adage “grown here, not flown here,” mark your calendars for Friday’s (Aug. 26) second annual Maui Ag Day, presented by the Maui County Farm Bureau (MCFB). The trade show begins with a continental breakfast (8am), followed by a panel presentation from three Maui farmers who have gone through the Food Safety Certification process (9am). Then, a tour of Haliimaile Pineapple Company’s facilities and fields (10:30am) precedes a delicious grown on Maui lunch (11:45am; free for MCFB members/fee for non-members).

Free. 8am-1pm. Haliimaile Pineapple Company, 872 Haliimaile Rd., Makawao; 243-2290; mauicountyfarmbureau.org

I

This is an actual scratch ‘n sniff picture

feature film is so far—and by far—the best fiction produced on our isles, from our isles.

It was a standing-room-only affair when Get A Job debuted at the Castle Theater last Fall, and it’d be nice for Mauians to send off it’s movie with similar flair. After the flick, be sure to stick around for Jimmy Mac & The Kool Kats at 8pm. These classic rockers keep you hoppin’ so high, you’re better off trading your dancing shoes for landing gear. Oh, that reminds me! We may already be lucky we live Hawaii, but a few benefit attendees are going

he Maui County Farm Beureau is also launching a month of Grown on Maui cooking demonstrations, every Monday in September, as part of their “Grown on Maui, Agriculture Matters” campaign. The first event (Monday, Sept. 5) features executive Chef Tylun Pang of the Fairmont Kea Lani, who will demonstrate how to prepare beef poke using Maui Cattle Company beef and fresh produce from Whole Foods Market. Other chefs to be featured throughout the month include Garret Fujieda of the Westin Maui Resort & Spa, Carolin Schaub of O’o Farm, and Ryan Luckey of Pineapple Grill at Kapalua Resort.

Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Whole Foods Market, Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; mauicountyfarmbureau.org ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi

T

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510p1

AUGUST 25, 2011 19

PICKS

BY ANU YAGI

Peace Patriot

The Wright Stuff (Tuesday) August 30, 7pm, University of Hawaii Maui College, Pilina Building Mulit-purpose room; free

R

etired Colonel Ann Wright is returning to the Valley Isle, and will discuss her experiences attempting to carry letters of support to the people of Gaza aboard the 2011 Gaza Freedom Flotilla’s US boat (christened “The Audacity of Hope”), as well as her recent trip to Korea’s Jejju Island (known as the “Island of Peace” or “Korea’s Hawaii”), where citizens are currently combating a proposed naval base. The lecture takes place on Tuesday (August 30) at the University of Hawaii Maui College (UHMC), and is sponsored by the school’s Peace Club and the Maui Peace Action group.

After having spent 13 years in the US Army and an additional 16 years in the Army Reserves, Wright has become a wellknown citizen activist and has been arrested on numerous occasions for peaceful, non-violent protest. She holds a Master’s and law degree from the University of Arkansas and a Master’s degree in National Security Affairs from the US Naval War College. In 1997, Wright received the State Department Award for Heroism after being instrumental in helping evacuate 2,500 people during Sierra Leone’s civil war (the largest evacuation

20 AUGUST 25, 2011

since the Fall of Saigon).

All this notwithstanding, Wright is perhaps most famous for her public resignation from the State Department on the eve of the 2003 Iraq invasion, and her outspoken decrying of the follies of the Bush Administration. She’s also, along with Susan Dixon, co-authored a book, Dissent: Voices of Conscience, which discusses the importance of dissent by featuring testimonials from intelligence agents, government lawyers, diplomats and active members of the military.

If you’ve yet to attend one of Wright’s talks, be forewarned that she’s a popular speaker, so you’d do well to arrive at UHMC early to snag a good seat [voicesofconscience.com] In related news, the Maui County Veterans Council hosts a mahalo luncheon for US Senator Daniel K. Akaka, this Friday (August 26, 11am-2pm). Senator Akaka was the chairman of the US Senate Veterans’ Affairs committee for four years (having been replaced Washington state’s Patty Murray, Akaka now chairs the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs), and Maui vets want to honor how he’s helped local vets through his former position.

The event takes place at Maui Tropical Plantation. Luncheon tickets are just $5 each and can be purchased in advance by contacting Paul Laub, president of the Maui County Veterans Council, at 4424250. [mauitropicalplantation.com] ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510p3

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David Choy

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Saturday, August 27th 9pm-Midnight

Funky Smooth Jazz and R&B $10 cover 4HRH^HV (]L

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

RESTAURANT

CALENDAR

Da Kine Calendar

BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY AUGUST 25th

WAVETRAIN

FEATURING GRAMMY AWARD NOMINEE

MARK JOHNSTONE

s 0- / ./ #/6%2 "%&/2% 0FRIDAY AUGUST 26th

CELEBRATING FOURTH FRIDAY PAIA WITH

THE NEVERMINDS s 0-

SATURDAY AUGUST 27th

NECTAR COLLECTOR WITH SPECIAL GUESTS

VISIBLY SHAKEN &

THE UNSUNG MIGHTY FEW s 0BOOKING INFO: JCHERMANMAUI@YAHOO.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

THURSDAY 25 9pm

RAMPAGE

KIHEI’S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

DAT GUYZ KEOLA AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES

FRIDAY 26 9pm

SUPER DUB TRIBE SATURDAY 27

9pm

ONE OF MAUI’S FAVORITES

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT

SUNDAY 28 8pm

KARAOKE

MONDAY 29 8pm

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

JUNIOR LACUESTA

TUESDAY 30

SMOOTH ISLAND MUSIC 9pm $1 TACOS: 5pm - midnight $3 CORONAS, $3 CUERVO SHOTS: All day

OPEN MIC

WEDNESDAY 31 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

BIG SHOWS SOLO SESSIONS WITH BENJAMIN VERDERY - Thu, Aug 25. The New York Times calls Benjamin Verdery “iconoclastic” and “inventive.” Not too shabby, eh? But illustrious adjectives like those make sense for Verdery, a prolific composer who’s been jammin’ worldwide, including at the International Guitar Festival (Havana, Cuba), Wigmore Hall (England), and the Metropolitan Opera (New York City). $25 general / $45 VIP. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org FREE FESTIVAL: LANA’I SLACK KEY GUITAR FESTIVAL - Fri & Sat, Aug 26 & 27.

Five venues host fantastic ki ho’alu over two eventful days. Hop over to the (f.k.a.) Pineapple Isle to enjoy John Keawe, Dennis Kamakahi, Brother Noland, Sonny Lim, Kevin Brown, Cindy Combs, Benny Uyetake and more. Best of all, it’s all free! Four Seasons resort packages begin at $179. lanaislackkeyfestival.com UNIVERSITY OF HAWAII MAUI COLLEGE’S LAUNCH CELEBRATION - Fri, Aug 26. Celebrate the official launch of the fouryear college. The event’s start-studded lineup includes cooler-than-cool Uncle George Kahumoku Jr., Sterling Seaton (a UHMC student who’s contributed to three Grammy-winning albums), Gabe Goebbert, Kaulike Pescaia (an 11-year-old falsetto phenom), Ukulele Boyz, Hula Honeys, Pekelo Cosma, Lei’ohu Ryder, Richard Ho’o’pi’ii, Miss Aloha Hula 2011, and Zenshin Daiko. Free. 4:30-8:30pm. University of Hawaii Maui College, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 984-3500; maui.hawaii.edu/events AMERICA - Fri, Aug 26. Fans of the band will be pleased to know that Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell are headed to the Valley Isle.

The group is as active as ever, playing over 100 live shows worldwide per year; and this July they released their latest album, “Back Pages.”

Opening act: Hapa (Barry Flanagan and Ron Kuala’au). A Tom Moffatt production. MACC member discounts available. $30/$50/65.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org THE NEVERMINDS - Fri, Aug 26. The Neverminds are back! They call themselves “one of Maui’s most rockin’ and dysfunctional cover bands,” and will be playing tunes by the likes of MGMT, The Black Keys, The Smashing Pumpkins, The White Stripes, Modest Mouse, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols and more. Part of Paia Town’s Final Friday celebrations. $5.

9pm. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085 SUPPER CLUB FEAT. JOHN CRUZ - Fri & Sat, Aug 26 & 27. Enjoy this illustrious Hawaiian songwriter in an intimate dinner setting.

6pm dinner seating. $60 four course dinner/$30 show-only. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779 KEEP THE HAWAIIAN ISLANDS BEAUTIFUL BENEFIT (FEAT. FINAL “GET A JOB” SCREENING IN HAWAII, PLUS JIMMY MAC & THE KOOL KATS CONCERT) - Sat, Aug 27. Following the Keep the Hawaiian Islands Beautiful (KHIB) organization’s annual

conference, a special KHIB benefit event will feature the final Hawaii screening of “Get A Job” this year (6:30pm), plus courtyard entertainment by Jimmy Mac & The Kool Kats (8pm). See This Week’s Picks for more. $20 advance / $25 day-of. 4:30-10pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

TICKETS ON SALE PROARTS PRESENTS “SOCIAL SECURITY” - Every Sun, Thu, Fri & Sat. Thu-Sun, Sept 2-18. In bustling downtown Manhattan, trendy art gallery owners Barbara and David (Chaney Cramer and Kevin Hazelton) have their life upended when Barbara’s uptight sister and brother-in-law, Trudy and Martin (Angela Thompson and Jonathan Yudis), deposit their eccentric mother Sophie (Joyce Romero) on their doorstep — then shuttle off to Buffalo to rescue their sexually precocious daughter from college life gone wild. Sophie moves in and is introduced to Maurice (Norman Halip), a suave, aging artist who brightens her life in ways she never expected in her golden years.

(Note: No performance on Sept 4.) 7:30pm Thu-Sat. 3pm Sun. $20 adults / $15 students (18-years-old and younger)/$15 kama’aina (Sept 3, 8 & 15). ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com RAKAA IRISCIENCE OF DILATED PEOPLES - Sat, Sep 3. Hosted by Miahmine, JudahOne Promotions presents emcee Rakaa Iriscience of Dilated Peoples (a Los Angelesbased underground hip hop trio formed in 1992, which earned some mainstream notoriety after a 2004 collaboration with Kanye West). Plus, Tassho Pearce (a.k.a. EMIRC) with DJ Taco, as well as Revolutionary Habitat and Mo Illa Pillaz. $18 advance / $20 door.

Tickets available at judahonepromotions.eventbrite.com. 9pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220 SAVE THE DATE: “ULUPALAKUA CARES” - Sun, Sep 4. Enjoy mean kine wine and grinds (from the Ranch Store’s Chef Eric Sakai) and peruse environmental groups’ booths to the music of Uncle Benny Uyetake (11:30am), CJ Helekahi (12pm), David Kamakahi and Herb Ohta Jr. (2-4pm). Other happy highlights of this free community event include a “Magnificent Tree Tour” led by arborist and professor Ernest H. Rezents (11am), and a presentation by Mitch Dmohowski, director of commercial development for Sempra Generation, about the 21-megawatt Auwahi Wind Farm taking shape on Ulupalakua Ranch land.

Free. 11am-4pm. Ulupalakua Ranch, Hwy. 37, Kula; 878-6058 COMEDIENNE WANDA SYKES - Fri, Sep 9. Personally, I love Wanda Sykes best in her role as Biggie Shortie in “Pootie Tang” (2001)... See you there! $56/$66/$76. 8pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org THE YARDBIRDS - Fri, Sep 16. If The Yardbirds were a factory, they’d manufacture guitar gods (former members include Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page). The group reformed

in 1992, and are playing a benefit concert for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association’s Junior Lifeguard Program. $35/$35/$55. 7:30pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SIGN-UP NOW: THE MAUI GO RED FOR WOMEN AMBASSADOR 5K WALK - Sat, Sep 17. Help raise awareness about the high rate and severity of heart disease in women.

Sponsored by Maui Tacos. $25. 7am. Whalers Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali; 661-4567; mauimarathon.com MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FESTIVAL - Daily.

Thu through Sun, Sept 29-25. Featuring fine folks like Les McCann, Jevon Jackson, Tom Scott, Brian Stolz, Skip Martin, Brittni Paiva, Henry Allen and more. This special weekend of events kicks off Thursday (Sept 22) at Stella Blues with SLAM and special guests; continues on Friday (Sept 23) with a VIP jazz dinner at the Grand Wailea’s Grand Dining Room; gets hot and heavy on Saturday (Sept 24) at the Grand’s oceanfront Molokini Garden; and wraps up on Sunday (Sept 25) with a delightful jazz brunch. Special room rates available.

Call for reservations.875-1234; mauijazzandbluesfestival.com DINNER WITH DOUGHERTY - Thu, Sep 22.

Get an exclusive preview of a newly completed sculpture, guided by the Hui’s acclaimed 2011 Artist in Residence, Patrick Dougherty. Plus, cocktails and a catered meal by Chefs Ralph Giles and Daniel Southmayd. Only 50 seats available. $150. 6-9pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 572-6560; huinoeau.com BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF MAUI BENEFIT GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Oct 8. Register your four-player team for this scramble format tourney. Includes a deluxe goodie bag, awards, and lunch at Cafe O’Lei. Shotgun start.

7:30am. Cafe O’Lei at The Dunes at Maui Lani, 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 242-4363 ext 322; wbgcmaui.org CAKE - Sun, Oct 23. When Weird Al Yankovic parodied Cake’s style, his song title “Close, But No Cigar” was apropos. Why? Because no one rocks a vibraslap quite like Cake... Hurry up and get your tickets, lest you’ll be left as high and dry as the rattling-teeth jawbones that inspired the vibraslap itself. $39/$49/$89. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MAUI MOVIE PREMIERES: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” & “IN LOVE WITH THE MYSTERY” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the debut of these new movies directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee.comin-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); whenthemountaincalls.com POINT PANIC MUSIC FESTIVAL: FEATURING SUBLIME WITH ROME, PEPPER, IRATION, AND DUB TRIO - Sun, Nov 20. An all-ages show! Hawaii’s BAMP Project partners with California’s Guerilla Union to present the Point Panic Music Festival. Featuring the return of Sublime with Rome to the

AUGUST 25, 2011 21

Valley Isle, plus Hawaii’s own Pepper (currently on the Vans Warped Tour) and Iration, as well as--for the first time in Hawaii–the Brooklynbased band, Dub Trio (which doubles as Matisyahu’s backup). Tickets available through the MACC box office. 3pm doors / 4pm show. $45.

3pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org REO SPEEDWAGON - Sun, Nov 27. This temples-tautened band of highly peroxided Midwesterners have been rockin’ since 1967.

Beyond their multi-platinum albums, one interesting fact includes their 2009 release of “Find Your Own Way Home,” the “first ‘downloadable casual game’ produced by a rock band.” 7pm doors/8pm show. $65-$85. 7pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); wmauiarts.org

FOODIE TANDEM BARTENDING COMPETITION Thu, Aug 25. Watch what happens when it’s the bartenders who are double-fisting. Sure to be a spectacle. Free. 10pm. Oceans Bar & Grill, 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-5115 5TH ANNUAL CROCK-POT COOK-OFF Sun, Aug 28. Countertop cooking is a contrivance gone chic. Show off your slow-cooking skills in veggie and meat divisions. All levels of competitors are welcome, and proceeds benefit the Lahaina Jodo Mission. 12pm. Lahaina Jodo Mission, 12 Ala Moana St., Lahaina; 6614304; lahainajodomission.org FREE COOKING CLASS: SUMMER DESSERTS - Tue, Aug 30. Every Tuesday, vegetarian Chef Devin Kintop teaches you how to create delicious, all-veggie dishes. This week, learn how to make pineapple carpaccio with Thai basil and blueberries, chocolate ganache truffles, and papaya pie with a shortbread crust.

No registration required. Free. 5:30-6:30pm.

Down To Earth, 305 Dairy Rd., Kahului; 8772661; downtoearth.org SLOW FOODS TASTE EDUCATION: LOCAL FISH - Wed, Aug 31. Got Fish? Don Wakamatsu of Whole Foods Market shares his knowledge of fish varieties. Learn how to select, cut and prepare local, sustainable fish caught in Hawaiian waters. Individual sessions are $15, series of 9 $125. 6-7:30pm. Class Act, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 984-3225; mauiculinary-campusdining.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS 23RD ANNUAL LAHAINA POSTER CONTEST - Deadline: (Friday) September 2, 2011.

Winning art becomes the official, limited edition Lahaina poster for 2012 (hmm... Front St. apocalypse a la Clint Eastwood, anyone?) and the artist receives a $2,500 cash prize. For more information, click around the Lahaina Town Action Committee website (visitlahaina.com) or call Lynn Donavan at 667-9175.

CALL FOR ENTRIES: THE GARDEN OF BE RECYCLED PLASTIC ART SHOW - The Community Work Day Program partners with local playwright Tess Cartwright for a community art show coordinating with Maui OnStage’s upcoming production, “The Garden of BE.” Artists of all ages are encouraged to submit theirr works to this contest, with a receiving day slated for Sept 10 (10am-3pm). Artists are asked to use only discarded plastics. For entry forms and ore information, visit any public library on Maui or call the Community Work Day Program at 877-2524. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; REGISTER NOW: 15TH ANNUAL MAUI

22 AUGUST 25, 2011

YOUTH ‘UKULELE PLAYERS CONTEST - Calling all amateur ‘ukulele players and Hawaiian music enthusiasts! Kindergarten keiki through high school seniors are invited to strum, pick and sing their way down to Hula Grill for the restaurant’s 15th Annual Youth Ukulele Players Contest (Saturday, September 17). Compete for prizes (everyone gets something) and bragging rights in solo and group divisions. Judges include Grammy-and Na Hoku Hanohano Award-winners Peter DeAquino, Derick Sebastian, and Garrett Probst (all of whom are prodigies/proteges of this very contest)! Advance registration is required (deadline September 10; $15 fee includes breakfast and Hula Grill souvenir), with entry forms available at Bounty Music, Mele Ukulele and online at hulagrillkaanapali.com. Check-in runs from 8-8:30am followed by a keiki uke workshop.

The competition begins at 10am. Plus, the contest will be video-recorded and broadcast by the event’s media sponsor, Hawaii On TV (hawaiiontv.com)! Hula Grill, Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina; 6676636; hulagrill.com VENDORS WANTED FOR THE ST. JOHN’S KULA FESTIVAL - Daily. Want to participate in the making of this delightful annual tradition?

The event features all-day entertainment, ono food, produce, plants, kids’ games and more.

Fore more information on how you can participate as a vendor, call 8080-878-6531. St. John’s Episcopal Church, 8992 Kula Hwy., Kula WIN $500 FOR YOUR SCHOOL! - Daily. Usually, cash flows toward a mall--not away from it.

But the QKC is cool and they’re giving you a chance to win $500 for your school. Visit the mall’s Facebook page now through August 31 to vote for your school in their “Loud & Proud” contest. The winning school will be announced on their page September 1. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

EVENTS

THURSDAY, AUG 25 MEET THE ARTIST: CARMEN GARDNER Be charmed by the talented Carmen Gardner (a 29-year Haiku resident) as she shares her unique artistic journey from popular radio personality to actor/director at England’s Royal National theater, and–as she’ll demonstrate–a return to her first love of painting. Free. 12-4pm.

Maui Hands, Paia, 84 Hana Hwy., Paia; 5799245; mauihands.com MEET THE ARTIST: JACK HAMILTON Typically, Jack Hamilton will start and complete an entire painting during his demo--meaning you can watch his process from start to finish.

Check him out at Maui Hands’ new Upcountry location. Free. 12-4pm. Maui Hands, Makawao, 1169 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 579-9245; mauihands.com SLIM BUSINESS PAU HANA: WATER CONSERVATION FOR BUSINESSES - The Sustainable Living Institute of Maui (SLIM) continues their monthly pau hana series in sustainability presentations for Maui businesses. This month, Lauren Roth of Roth Ecological Design, an Oahu-based firm providing water audits, will discuss water systems designed to conserve water and save money. Free. 5:30-7:30pm.

Class Act Restaurant, University of Hawaii Maui College, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 9843500; maui.hawaii.edu/

FRIDAY, AUG 26 MAUI AG DAY: UNDERSTANDING FOOD SAFETY CERTIFICATION - The Maui County Farm Bureau (MCFB) presents the second annual Maui Ag Day. See This Week’s Picks for

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

08/18

08/19

08/20

08/21

08/22 - 08/24

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

NFL / Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ Q103’s Shaggy & DJ Jamn J 9pm; no cover

NFL / Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ C, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J 10pm; $10

UFC 134 Rio-Silva vs.

Okami, $10 / Rock & Roll Night w/ DJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 9pm

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Amy Winehouse Dance Party feat. DJ Boomshot 10pm; $5

Live Entertainment

Wavetrain feat. Grammy Award nominee Mark Johnstone 9pm; $5

The Neverminds celebrate Paia Fourth Fridays, 9pm; $5

Nectar Collector plus Visibly Shaken and The Unsung Mighty Few 9pm; $5

COOL CAT CAFE

Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Ryan Palma, 7:30-10pm (no cover)

DA KITCHEN, LAHAINA

Ladies’ Night 10pm-close; no cover

Fayah 5:30-8:30pm

Live Music 5:30-6:30pm

MON - Magic Mondays 6:30-8:30pm / WED - Fayah 5:30-8:30pm

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf 6-8pm

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf, 6-8pm

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

Friday’s in the Sky Lounge w/ DJ CIA 8pm-12am

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Lawaia & Ben 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Daniel of Off Tomorrow / TUE - Big John / WED - Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

NFL, Karoke & Free Pool Night

NFL, Karaoke & Darts

Karaoke & Darts

NFL / Karaoke & Darts

WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music 10pm-close; no cover

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Super Dub Tribe 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

MON through WED - Live Music

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

more. Free. 8am-1pm. Haliimaile Pineapple Company, 872 Haliimaile Rd., Makawao; 243-2290 VETERANS COUNCIL HOSTS MAHALO LUNCHEON FOR SENATOR DANIEL AKAKA - Maui thank Senator Akaka with a special luncheon. See This Week’s Picks for more.

For tickets or more information, contact Paul Laub, president of the Maui County Veterans Council, at 442-4250. $5. 11am-2pm. Maui Tropical Plantation, 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku;mauitropicalplantation.com CAMPAIGN KICKOFF: ED CASE OPENS MAUI HEADQUARTERS - Ed Case and his wife Audrey host a campaign kickoff party on Maui, and the public’s invited to enjoy refreshments while talking story about Case’s Senate candidacy. Free. 4:30-6:30pm. Ed Case Campaign Headquarters, 2035 Main St., Wailuku; 244-5848 HENRY KAPONO - The one and only Wild Hawaiian performs live at Duke’s. No Cover.

5-7pm. Duke’s Beach House, 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina; 662-2900; dukesmaui.com OPENING RECEPTION: HUI NO’EAU’S “VISUALIZING GREEN” - Exhibition runs Sat, Aug 27 through Sat, Nov 12. Juried by sculptor Stephen Freedman, this themed showcase invites artists to investigate and creatively interpret the ways that the omnipresent hues of “green” appear in our world. Free. 5-7pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 572-6560; huinoeau.com PLATE LUNCH BENEFIT FOR THE PAIA YOUTH & CULTURAL CENTER - Stop by for dinner and support Paia’s youth center. The plate lunch features Mana’s award-winning Thai beef salad made from grass-fed Molokai beef (generously donated by Molokai Livestock Cooperative). Plus, tofu pad Thai, venison chili,

rice and beverage. Part of Paia’s Fourth Friday celebrations. 5-8pm. Mana Foods, 49 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-8078 x54; manafoodsmaui.com 2ND ANNUAL MISSIONS EVENT FEATURING GUEST SPEAKER CAM CAVASSO - Henry and Darlene Matarrita, founders of World Mission Outreach in Hawaii, host a second annual event. Guests will hear from Cam Cavasso, former candidate for senate, plus an update from the Matarritas regarding worldwide outreach programs in Israel, Asia, Africa and Europe. Plus, heavy pupus, desserts, great door prizes and a silent auction. Seating is limited.

Tickets available at Kihei Baptist Chapel (8752112), Door of Faith (244-1286), or Calvary Chapel Westside (667-7880). $30 individual / $280 table of 10. 5:30-9pm. Cafe O’Lei at The Dunes at Maui Lani, 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 874-5070; wmoutreach.org FOURTH FRIDAY IN PAIA TOWN: CUPCAKES, BIKINIS, FREE INCENSE AND MORE - Goodies abound in this seaside town, with events that include: Christine Halton demonstrating her wood burning and oil painting + wine and snacks (Maui Hands); Christine Turnbull creating a sculpture of a life-size little girl in the courtyard (Turnbull Fine Art); live harp performance + pupus and sangria (Grace Beauty); raffle for a crystal bottle of their house-made “Ocean Flower” and a ticket to their next “Symphony of Scents” event + cupcakes and fruit punch (Agua De Flora); trunk show featuring local jewelry designer Stanette Kirchhoff (Biasa Rose); free samples of hemp incense (Hemp House); live jewelry-making by Cyndi Jay (Moonbow Cabana); complimentary champagne (Nuage Bleu); an exhibition of artwork by Niel Ragsdale (Paia Style); live performance by The Mill + refreshments (Paia Trading Company); bikini

fashion show (Pakaloha Bikinis); after hours sale (Wings Hawaii); “Party Above the Poker Room” with live music featuring Id Thompson (7pm) + a Vega Jewelry trunk show (Northshore Pilates); DJ stylings (Indigo); Joli the Clown (Flatbread Company); live performance by Reciprocal Alchemy, an improvisational jazz duo featuring belly dancing (7-9pm, Moana Cafe); bake sale fundraiser for Lau Lau Grom Surf Team + live ukulele music (Hana Hwy Surf); live performance by The Neverminds (Charley’s). Whew!!!

Got all that? 6-9pm. Paia Town MEET THE ARTIST: CHRIS DERUBEIS, NOTED METAL “ABSTRACT SENSUALISM” ARTIST - Chris DeRubeis’s artistic journey is a bit unusual. An artist for Harley-Davidson and world’s best-selling metal artist, DeRubeis is a master of airbrush art (which first began thanks to an airbrush he received as a young boy, gifted by his grandfather). He’s been dubbed the “father of a new movement” called “Abstract Sensualism,” and his metal works are noted for their fascinating play with light. Free. 6-10pm. Wyland Gallery Lahaina, 711 Front Street, Lahaina; 667-2285; derubeisfineart.comgallery JUDY’S GANG - A special performance by this lively dance troupe. Free. 6:30pm. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 8711307; mauimall.com OPENING RECEPTION: FEATURED ARTIST FIAMA VON SCHUETZE - Meet fiber artist Fiama Von Schuetze, who calls her basketry “weaving Hawaii into designer art.” Plus, enjoy refreshments and live music. Part of Paia Town’s Fourth Friday celebrations. Free. 6:309pm. Maui Crafts Guild, 69 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-9697; mauicraftsguild.com QKC’S KAMA’AINA NIGHTS - Featuring a live performance by He Makana Nui.

Free. 7pm. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului;queenkaahumanucenter.com AMY WINEHOUSE DANCE PARTY - Featuring the one and only DJ Boomshot, mixin’ and mashin’ Winehouse jams. No cover if you come in costume. $5. 10pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 5722-0220 SATURDAY, AUG 27 HAWAIIAN PLANT SALE & FAMILY FUN DAY - Purchase rare Hawaiian plants from various native plant nurseries and help the programs and missions of Maui Nui Botanical Gardens.

See This Week’s Picks for more. 9am-12pm.

Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, 150 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului; 249-2798; mnbg.org KEEP THE HAWAIIAN ISLANDS BEAUTIFUL: LAULIMA 2011 STATEWIDE CONFERENCE - The Keep the Hawaiian Islands Beautiful organization–a statewide network of Keep America Beautiful, Inc.–invites the public to their annual conference about litter control, greening initiatives and other ways to keep our islands beautiful. Conference highlights include marine debris reports and plans in the aftermath of Japan’s tsunamis. Also at the MACC, a special benefit event (see Big Shows/This Week’s Picks for more) will follow the conference beginning at 4:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MAUI PRODUCTS FESTIVAL - View cultural exhibits and sample tasty local produce, plus lots of live, local entertainment. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 10am. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 871-1307; mauimall.com MECO COMMUNITY DAY ENERGY FAIR - Learn about energy production and conservation from Maui Electric Company.

AUGUST 25, 2011 23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

08/18

08/19

08/20

08/21

08/22 - 08/24

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

Scotty & Howard 8-10pm

1810 8:30-10:30pm

Barefoot Minded 8-10pm

Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

MON through WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Live Music & Dancing

Louise Lambert & Phil Smith, 8-10:30pm / DJ Canespider, 11pm-close

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-10pm DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; no cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Manino, 7:30-11 pm

Rising Stong Napili Canoe Club Benefit 9:30pm; $10/$15

Manalii CD Release Party 8:45pm; $15/$20

Status Party feat. DJ Twizy, DJ Jem and DJ Treb, plus Philly Blunt & Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Kenny Roberts

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm-12am / WED Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover)

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

MOANA CAFE

Phil & Angie Benoit

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

DJ Music

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9pm-12am

Lily Meola, 6:30-8:30pm / Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

Hipnautical 6:30-8:30pm

Tandem Bartending Competition 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

The Free Radicals Projekt & Harmonic Resonance 10pm; $10

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

Free. 10am-2pm. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului;queenkaahumanucenter.com NATURAL REMEDIES WITH CATHERINE BLAKE - In this hands-on class, learn about herbal alternatives for first aid care by making a French green clay drawing salve, cold-relief tea, rose lotion, burn relief gel and more. Taught

by Catherine Blake, a 30-year natural wellness specialist. Includes intro to organic gardening and permaculture tour. 11am-1pm. Hale Akua Garden Farm, 110 Door of Faith Rd., Haiku; 572-9300; haleakuagardenfarm.com CONGROSSWOMAN MAZIE HIRONO HOSTS FORECLOSURE AND FRAUD PREVENTION EVENT - Protect yourself against foreclosure and fraud. Discover helpful community resources by attending this free presentation, and make an appointment to meet with a housing counselor. Includes presentations by the Department of Commerce and Consumer Affairs, Hawaii HomeOwnership Center, Hale Mahaolu, and Legal Aid Society of Maui. Free.

11:30am-1pm. Maui Waena Intermediate, 795 Onehee St., Kahului; 541-1986 OPENING RECEPTION: “FROM THE HEART OF THE ISLAND” WITH BETTY HAY FREELAND, CARLETON, AND TODD CAMPBELL - Freeland portrays Hawaii’s staggering beauty with a tender touch. Carleton captures languid, tropical afternoons that show the course of time. Campbell has developed advanced wood-turning methods, creating massive pieces that reveal nature’s intricacy through simple shapes. Meet all three artists and view their new joint showcase. Free. 5pm. Viewpoints

24 AUGUST 25, 2011

Gallery, 3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 5725979; viewpointsgallerymaui.com HIPNAUTICAL - A husband and wife musical duo with Irish flare, playing an eclectic contemporary blend of Celtic harp, guitar and ethnic flutes. 6:30-8:30pm. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131 FREE OUTDOOR MOVIE NIGHT - The first free movie night at Lahaina Gateway was a huge success--so they’re doing it again! This time they’re screening a rare, 1937 Hawaiianstyle cartoon at 7:15pm, followed by a “magnificently produced... ocean-oriented docu-drama filmed throughout the globe” at 7:30pm. (Legal stuffs means we can’t print the film titles here, but you can find them at lahainagateway.com.)

Provided seating accommodates up to 100 peeps (first-come, first-served; no reserving seats, please), and beach chairs/blankets are welcome. No coolers or outside drinks are allowed, but why would you when myriad grinds abound? Arrive early and don’t miss out on free chocolate fondue samples from The Melting Pot, plus other special deals. Free. 7pm.

Lahaina Gateway, 305 Keawe St., Lahiana; 877-7073; lahainagateway.com THE FREE RADICALS PROJEKT WITH HARMONIC RESONANCE - Put on your dancing shoes and stretch your tail feathers-these two bands will have you shaking to their funky, soulful tunes. Oceans Beach Bar & Grill, 1819 S. Kihei Rd., 891-2414 SUNDAY, AUG 28 SOULCOLLAGE - Create your own personal deck of “wisdom cards” with SoulCollage facilitator, Rona Smith. Explore the principals

TUE - Open Mic Night

The Celtic Tigers w/ Roger McKinley / 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-9:30pm; Rocking the ‘80s Party 10pm-12am / TUE - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, 7-8pm; no cover / WED - Willie K 7-9pm

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

and guidelines of SoulCollage cards, discover the value of its four suits, and learn how to do a reading. $60. 1-5:30pm.283-8696 MAUI HISTORICAL SOCIETY’S ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP MEETING - A brief business meeting precedes featured speaker Matt Thayer, a beloved Maui News photographer who will discus his 30-year career in photo journalism on Maui. 4pm. Bailey House Museum, 2375-A Main St., Wailuku; 244-3326; mauimuseum.org

MONDAY, AUG 29 MEET THE ARTIST: NANCY TERREBONNE - Nancy Terrebonne creates paintings with Sumi ink on crumpled masa paper, a technique she says “challenges me to sue my imagination and make the most of what at first might seem to be mistakes.” Meet Terrebonne and observe her prowess creating these abstract, batik-esque paintings. Free. 3-8pm. Maui Hands, Kaanapali, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka’anapali; 667-7997; mauihands.com

TUESDAY, AUG 30 SUPPORTING NA MELE O MAUI IS AS EASY AS (PIZZA) PIE! - It’s good to ‘give back.’ But it’s fun to give back by doing something you’d be doing anyway. Like eating. Everybody’s gotta eat! So when you’re choosing where and what to grind next week, consider Flatbread Company on Tuesday night (August 30). Why? Between the hours of 5-10pm, they’re donating $3.50 for every large flatbread sold (or $1.75 for every small) to Na Mele O Maui, in support of the upcoming 39th annual Na Mele O Maui Song & Art Contest. 5-10pm.

Flatbread Company, 89 Hana Hwy., Paia; 5798989; flatbreadcompany.com COL. (RET.) ANN WRIGHT RETURNS TO MAUI - Well-known and outspoken citizen activist Col. (Ret.) Ann Wright will speak this week at UHMC providing updates about her recent experiences abroad. Sponsored by Maui Peace Action and the UHMC Peace Club. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 7pm. University of Hawaii Maui College, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 984-3500; voicesofconscience.com

WEDNESDAY, AUG 31 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Enjoy an island-style concert in the courtyard; plus gallery receptions, artist appearances and more.

This week, Erin Smith–lead singer of the popular pop group The Throwdowns–performs her stunning solo set. Free. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 897-6770 ext. 2; shopsatwailea.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “INTEVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE” (1994) - Two words: free popcorn. Need we say more? No Cover.

7:30pm. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; wambrosiamaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

CANOES - Fri & Sat, Ras Shaggai 5:308:30pm; Sun, Indapkt 3-6pm. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0937.

COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:3010pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Ev-

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 3 +)(%) 2$ s !- !- $!),9 s $)..%2 @4), 0-

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TANDEM BA COMPETITION 1. t /0 $07&3

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The Yardbirds are more than a Rock band... they are an institution... which, in the brief period from 1963 to 1968, made an indelible mark on the “Shapes of Things� to come. To the casual music fan, the Yardbirds are best known as the band that honed the skills of future “guitar gods� Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page; and for their slew of chart hits, including “For Your Love,� “Heart Full of Soul�, “I’m A Man�, and “Over Under Sideways Down�.

This event is a fundraiser for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association.

&RIDAY 3EPTEMBER s PM Maui Arts & Cultural Center - Castle Theater ARTIST INFO, VIDEO & TICKETS: LAZARBEAR.COM - CONCERT INFO HOTLINE 808-896-4845

Maui Tickets: MACC Box OfďŹ ce 242-SHOW (7469) or at mauiarts.org

AUGUST 25, 2011 25

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

08/18

08/19

08/20

08/21

08/22 - 08/24

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

Industry Night 10pm-close

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Tennis League Night

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Kanaka Jam 8-11pm; no cover

Karaoke & Free Pool Night 8pm/12am; no cover

Ah Tim

Louise Alvorano & Charles Nahale / Supper Club feat. John Cruz, 6-9pm; $30/$60

Supper Club feat. John Cruz 6-9pm; $30/$60

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Sherron & The Silver Spurs, 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

WED - Jamie Gallo & Friends 8:30-11:30pm; $3

THREE’S BAR & GRILL

The Vince Esquire Band 9pm

Billie & The Bad Dogs / San Francisco’s Jenny Kerr, Eric McFadden & Phil Milner, 9pm

The Blues Spirit of Maui 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover Next Level Entertainment 10pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

ery Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live Jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Ryan Palma 7:3010pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908.

DA KITCHEN - Every Sat, Fayah 5:30-8:30pm; Every Sun, live music 5:30-6:30pm; Every Mon, Magic Mondays 6:30-8:30pm; Every Wed, Fayah 5:30-8:30pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990.

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Fri, Friday Nights in the Sky Lounge withDJ CIA 8pm12am; Every Sun & Mon, Kama’aina Nights w/ Wolf 6-8pm. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 662-3000 DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Duke’s Beach House - Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 5-7pm.

130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900.

HULA GRILL - Hula Grill - Wed, Alika 1:303:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Tarvin 6:30-9pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:303:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30-3:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, The Chris and Mary Jane Xperiment; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm). 3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787.

KIMO’S - Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-Fri, 1810 8-10:30pm; Sat, Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Thu, Scotty & Howard

26 AUGUST 25, 2011

Gina Martinelli Band 7pm

WED - Stand Up Comedy Night w/ Shaggy Jenkins, 7:30pm

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

Cane Fire 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

8-10pm. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett & Wilson 3-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 3-5pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.

Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm.

888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 9am-12pm; Every Mon, Junior 6-8pm. Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400.

ONO BAR & GRILL - Thu & Tue, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Kealii Lum; Sun, Mitch Keppa; Wed, Scott Baird (all sets 6-9pm). Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 667-2525.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun, Live jazz. 4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and Sarah Cravalho 5:308:30pm. Sun, Joel Katz 9am-2pm; Tue, Glenn Kakugawa 5:30-8:30pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause 8pm + live entertainment 9pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (August is vampire month! This week: “Interview With The Vampire”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon &Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan RobMon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955.

MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm.

760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 7-8:30 pm; Fri, Lily Meola 6:30-8:30 pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen 6:309:30; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Phil & Angie Benoit 5:30-7:30pm. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 879-7177.

SCOREBOARDS - Thu, Haiku Hillbillys 6-10pm; Fri, Mango Pickers 8-11pm; Sat, Merv Oana 9pm-12am; Sun, Clay Mortensen 8-11pm; Mon, Open Mic Night 6pm-close; Tue, Karaoke 7-10pm; Wed, Blues Spirit of Maui 8-11pm. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei SHARKY’S - Thu, Jordan Fun 5:30-9pm; Every Fri, Dress Like A Pirate Night 5:30-9pm; Tue, Karaoke Contest with DJ Jay 5:30-9pm. Lipoa Center, 41 E. Lipoa St. Ste. 15, Kihei, 874-5115.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim

4-6pm; Fri, Louise Alvorano and Charles Nahale 4-6pm; Fri & Sat, Supper Club feat. John Cruz 6-9pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / (SLAM feat. David Choy will return next week!) 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, live music - Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 875-2910.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 875-8080.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Thu, Vince Esquire Band 8pm; Every Sun, Gina Martinelli Band; Every Wed, Stand Up Comedy Night.

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.) 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI Every Fri & Sat, Phil & Angela Benoit 5:30-8:30pm.

1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 877-0773.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:308:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323.

KULA LODGE - Sat & Sun, Jazz music. 15200 Haleakala Hwy., Kula, 878-1535.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Fri & Sat, live music 6-8pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 573-2859.

Join us for a

SILENT AUCTION FUNDRAISER for the victim of a Hit & Run :(' $8*867 67 230 $XFWLRQ ELGGLQJ IURP WR SP

6WHOOD %OXHV &DIp OQ -XO\ Amanda Barnes WDOHQWHG \U ROG DUWLVW ZDV UXQ GRZQ E\ DQ 689 ZKLOH ZDONLQJ LQ D FURVVZDON 7KH FDU GLG QRW VWRS RU HYHQ VORZ GRZQ OHDYLQJ KHU SHUPDQHQWO\ SDUDO\]HG DQG O\LQJ LQ WKH VWUHHW ZLWK VHYHUH LQWHUQDO LQMXULHV $PDQGD UHPDLQ KRVSLWDOL]HG EXW LV KRSHIXO IRU WKH IXWXUH Proceeds will aid in her medical costs & recovery A percentage of food & drink costs from that night will go towards the fundraiser

H A W A I I ’ S

P A R T Y

S T A T I O N

MAUI MA M AU A UII S U SOCIAL SO OC O C CIIIA A AL LM MEDIA ME ED E D DIIIA A PANELISTS

Thursday, August 25, 2011 4:00PM-6:30PM JEFF BENNET @DIGITALSPLASH

Malcom Center

LIZA PIERCE @AMAUIBLOG

Kihei, HI 96753

FREE (Not Catered) *Seating Limited to 30 JEN RUSSO @JENRUSSO @MAUITIME ME

PETER LIU @PETERLIU47

TOMMY RUSSO @TOMMYRUSSO

REGISTER ONLINE AT: hightechmaui.com/programs/workshops.cfm

AUGUST 25, 2011 27

KULA KID

Attack of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

BY ANU YAGI

R

Scan this barcode with your smart phone QR Scanner app to go to

THE A-TRAIN FRIDAYS 3-9PM K-ROCK 97.3

.com

FRIDAY AFTERNOON IS THE MOST POSITIVE, HOPE FILLED PORTION OF THE WEEK. SO HANG OUT WITH JOHNNY A AND SOAK UP THE GREAT VIBES, THE LAUGHTER, THE FREE STUFF, AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL EVER CREATED.

28 AUGUST 25, 2011

olling over to hit Snooze.

I call it the Death Roll. You know, like, Crikey! But instead of a crocodile leveraging a carcass, twisting like a dirt devil to dislodge a haunch-o-wildebeest, I’m turning to hit snooze over and over again.

Doing this, it doesn’t take long before I’m all coiled-up in the comforter with ankles bound together like a single hoof. And save a solitary Snooze-swatting arm, from my quilted cocoon only my mouth glimpses escape, spit-suffused agape as if a gushing femoral artery. I’m dead meat if I lie any longer, yet I do.

But more than sausage breakfasts, scabbing bike rides, chores or even cartoons, Saturday mornings are meant for clinomaniacal dreaming—especially when your REM-movie’s an apocalyptic alien adventure. Besides, dreams don’t have TiVo, nor can readily be continued. (Oh, and don’t pretend like you don’t have—and love—apocalyptic alien adventure dreams of your own!)

My family’s a fun bunch who can conversation-surf through gallimaufry topics from alien abductions in Samoa to the religious ideology behind Pat Boone’s ‘metal’ years.

So during one recent brunch—after unwinding myself from the morning’s Death Roll—I’m telling everyone about my latest sleep-encumbered close encounter with a humanityhating Death Star-meets-Dryer Ball-meetsRubik’s Cube that had come to kill us all.

We were brunching because Uncle Scott was in town, visiting from Japan (he’s a writer, too; and was en route from Los Angeles after interviewing—you guessed it—Pat Boone). I finish gushing about the strange dream sensation of being empirically confronted with something that (in real life) I can only suppose to be true—and Uncle Scott is all a flutter.

“Have you heard about the UK declassifying their UFO files?!” he says, whipping out his iPhone.

I had not, but he piqued my interest.

Conspiratorially, Uncle Scott says that having just come from overseas, this is “big news” in the rest of the world—without a blip of radar-registry on US news feeds. (Later, my buddy Marc scoffed that such a release was “just another distraction from real issues,” and I tend to agree with his point.)

Before you amateur ufologists (who, if worth your self-stitched Starfleet insignia, ought to already know about all this) get too excited, here’s the deal: Basically, the Ministry of Defense (MoD), via the British National Archives, have been making public once-classified “reports of ‘unidentified flying objects’ in the skies over the UK” since March of 2008. With more said to be forthcoming, the latest batch con-

tains “UFO-related documents, drawings, letters and parliamentary questions covering the years 1985-2007”—the 34 PDF files of which can be downloaded for free (ufos. nationalarchives.gov.uk) throughout the month (older files require a fee).

But what the latest release reveals, as reported by the BBC, is “a lack of will and resources [by the MoD] to study thousands of reported sightings.”

In an Aug.18 Huffington Post exclusive, Nick Pope—a skeptic-turned-enthusiast who was in charge of the MoD’s UFO project between 1991 and 1994—apologized for “spin and dirty tricks” that made those who reported UFO sightings seem like fresh escapees from the looney bin.

“It was an interesting sleight of hand,” says Pope. “We were telling the public we’re not interested, this is all nonsense, but in reality, we were desperately chasing our tails and following this up in great detail.” Otherwise, says Pope, “This would be an admission that we’d lost control of our own air space, and such a position would be untenable.”

And though he says there’s no “spaceship-in-a-hangar smoking gun,” Pope says he “believe[s] that the UFO phenomenon does raise important defense, national security and air safety issues, and if I helped kill any initiative on that, I’m deeply sorry.”

OK. So what? I haven’t met a person in ages who doesn’t think there’s some sort of life (complexity notwithstanding) out there in the Universe unknown. The tenacity of life and so on. So UK UFO files or no—if and when said alien life arrives, asking to be taken to our leaders or taking us to theirs (which is all anyone really cares about, right?) all else remains a matter of imaginative debate.

And still, I can’t shake the overwhelming feeling from my dream where empirical trumps all else.

Frankly, even if British Prime Minister David Cameron himself had said “the Queen’s of Denobulan descent, God save her!” I still wouldn’t be terribly impressed.

Because bloody hell, we’re hard-to-please people with TV and movies and Death Roll dreams, after all!

So until the Death Star-meets-Dryer Ball-meets-Rubik’s Cube descends from the heavens before my very eyes (or until Denobulan doctors start making house calls, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s omnipotence is undeniable), I’m not going to mask my yawn while I roll and reach for Snooze. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1510k

anu@mauitime.com

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Your conscience may dictate that you should stand by and allow someone to attempt a good deed, regardless of whether they’re really qualified. Your conscience, however, is wrong. How can a non-swimmer rescue someone from drowning? If they dive in, no matter their laudable intentions, it’ll just make matters worse.

Intentions are all well and good, and should be cheered on and encouraged, of course—but the ability to successfully follow through on those intentions is arguably more important, wouldn’t you say? If they don’t have it, speak up. That may mean you’ll have to take their place—but better that than the alternatives.

Unless it actually is your job (i.e., you’re getting paid real money), it’s not your job to be someone’s guardian angel, knight in shining armor, or therapist. However, people know you’re a softy and tend to shove you into those roles, anyway. That’s got to stop.

Even though it feels good to help people, generally, this doesn’t feel good. That’s because it’s above and beyond what should be required of anyone (who isn’t getting paid). Therefore, walk away, close the door, and lock it. If that’s not enough to keep you from ending up in that place anyway, start charging.

1. D. Hold a two-day conference of travel writers in Kaanapali to discuss such topics as the unemployment that plagues Molokai and how climate change will affect the islands’ weather and shoreline.

2. B. Anti-GMO terrorists.

3. A. True

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

There’s a difference between, say, exaggerating your accomplishments to get a little more attention or develop your selfconfidence, and simply telling extravagant lies to make yourself look good. While the former definitely occupies a gray area, it’s mostly a forgivable and understandable offense (who doesn’t beef up their résumé with a few embellishments?). However, be sure you don’t cross the line and tell truly tall tales. First of all, you’re much more likely to get caught. Secondly, when your lies are discovered, the people you told them to will feel not so much impressed as…betrayed.

Unless you’ve learned to actually read minds, you only think you know what’s going on inside someone else’s head. Because you’re so often right about these things, you may make the mistake of believing you’re correct this time, too—only it’s very likely you’re not. Check yourself and what you think you know.

It’s probable that you’re completely off-base, and acting on your wrongful assumptions could cause a shit-storm you really don’t want. Back off until someone tells you what’s up. If you really can’t wait for them to offer the information you need, don’t assume anything—ask.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Emotions fade over time. That’s their nature. Sometimes that means you can romanticize them long after the fact, not truly remembering how it really was. It also means you might have trouble recalling their actual intensity, so that they pale in comparison to what you’re feeling right now. What you felt then may have been just as powerful; you just can’t be sure, anymore.

That’s why we were lucky to be born with brains and the power of rational thought, too. It’s a fine thing to mostly live by the dictates of your heart, but when feelings can’t entirely be trusted, be sure to employ a little logic and sense, too, won’t you?

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Most humans experience a conflict daily, between what we want and what we think is expected of us. Since those two things are rarely in harmony, we do constant battle, either suppressing our real desires in order to meet those expectations, or rebelling against external pressures in order to pursue our real dreams and passions. This isn’t an easy thing to resolve, and a hard and fast rule will never do. This week, erring on the side of doing what’s expected is probably best, just in case your desires are fleeting. If they’re still going strong in a week or two, then you can start thinking about how to indulge them.

No matter how hard they try to make you think otherwise, other people’s baggage is not your baggage. That’s not to say you don’t have any, Taurus. Most Bulls have trouble fitting all theirs on one airport luggage cart. But when someone attempts to dump their emotional crap on you, then convince you it’s yours, call “Shenanigans” on that bullshit. In fact, it might be best if you don’t engage with it at all—it’s like one of those sponge capsules you throw in water and it expands into a dinosaur; the more attention and energy you give it, the bigger it’ll grow.

Cut it off, and cut out, before things get messier than they already are.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

What’s done is done. Letting go of the past and moving on from exactly here is this week’s focus. However, someone may very well be trying to fool you into thinking some things can be undone, forgotten, or erased. That’s total bullshit. Sure, you can engage in an expansive game of intensive make-believe if you want to, but sooner or later that carefully-crafted illusion will shatter, and you’ll wish you hadn’t. It’s better to actually deal with this stuff now, and consciously incorporate it into whatever happens next. The only way a fresh start is going to happen is in a totally different place with totally different people, so don’t expect one here and now.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Capricorns are often guilty of bringing their work home.

Sometimes it’s unavoidable. If you’re a doctor, capable of saving someone’s endangered life, not trying because you were on vacation would be criminal, morally if not legally. While I heartily endorse your decision to more strictly enforce the boundaries between work and the rest of your life—so you can enjoy your life—please remember: shit happens. Sometimes those rules simply must be broken. When a truly good reason to cross that line presents itself, please don’t hesitate—and to hell with anyone who gives you shit about it.

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CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

Although it’s frequently tempting to describe things that are happening to you in the most extreme way possible—so as to best reflect the intensity of your experience—it’s also somewhat juvenile. Even if everything in your life feels that dramatic, you must learn to apply a rational perspective to this stuff and save the big drama guns for the very rare occasions when they might be necessary. If you pull them out once a week, I promise you they’ll lose their impact in about three weeks. You don’t want to be the boy who cried wolf, do you? Wait until there’s really a wolf in the room, then.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

While you may wish there was someone else to fulfill your needs, that’s simply not always the case. Even when there’s someone who’s willing doesn’t mean there’s someone who’s able. Therefore you must learn to take care of yourself. And lest you think this entire horoscope is about masturbation, I do mean needs and desires that emanate from places other than your crotch (although it certainly applies to those as well). Self-reliance is the name of the game this week—hell, this month and this year. Once you have that, finding those who can help you simply make your life better (and not just “fill a hole”) will be that much easier.

Green Island Gardening

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Most Leos resist change. Ironically, as a fire sign, you also find change exciting—once you give yourself a chance to get used to it. This week’s challenge is navigating this internal contradiction. Mostly, that means resisting your own knee-jerk reaction.

Bite your tongue while you give new ideas a chance to settle—a process that may require a day or three. If you still think it’s a terrible idea next week, then maybe it is. But if you shut up now and decide you like it later, you’ll be able to embrace it wholeheartedly—without having to eat your words.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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