15.08 Snakes On A Plane, August 11, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 08, MauiTime

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Contents VOLUME 15

✚

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What animal would you keep as a pet if you could?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Saber-toothed cat Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Anubis Proofreader: Dina Wilson Shetland pony Interns: Keo Eaton, Anna Such Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Jacob Shafer, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II

ISSUE 08

4 NEWS & VIEWS We have Reader Feedback! Then Dems bash Linda Lingle in Coconut Wireless this week. Then Quizunderstood asks about old wrecks in Makena. News of the Weird has a fun funeral. Eh Brah! just wants her bike back. Teachers go to school in the Mauisphere. And Mick E. Finn finds out how to market Maui.

10 FEATURE STORY When Jacob Shafer start thinking about all the ways snakes can get to Hawaii, he started to wonder not if they’ll get here and wreck havoc, but when.

Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com

13 FOOD & DRINK

Art Director: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Your Mama

Jen Russo samples Tommy Bahama’s new farm to table menu. Then she talks up Kula Strawberries. And there’s another installment of Wandering Wino!

Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Pit viper General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Weevil Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Hamster

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor.

MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person.

No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

16 Film Critique Barry Wurst II says The Help is good, but it could have been great.

17 Film Capsules/Listings

19 THIS WEEK’S PICKS We’ve got Deadheads at Stella Blues, Funk at Casanova, Wild Dolphin Days at Keawakapu, Tahiian drumming at War Memorial, classical music at the Kihei Baptist Chapel, Andre Nickatina at Hard Rock and Jah Residentz at Haui’s LAB. Plus another Album from Requests!

22 Da Kine Calendar 23 Grid

28 BACK PAGES Kula Kid does something interesting. Sign Language says Leo needs to get off Facebook.

30 Classified

31 Mind, Body & Spirit

ON THE COVER: Illustration by Scrappers scrapperstown.com

H A W A I I ’ S

P A R T Y

S T A T I O N

AUGUST 11, 2011

3

Contents VOLUME 15

✚

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What animal would you keep as a pet if you could?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Saber-toothed cat Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Anubis Proofreader: Dina Wilson Shetland pony Interns: Keo Eaton, Anna Such Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Jacob Shafer, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II

ISSUE 08

4 NEWS & VIEWS We have Reader Feedback! Then Dems bash Linda Lingle in Coconut Wireless this week. Then Quizunderstood asks about old wrecks in Makena. News of the Weird has a fun funeral. Eh Brah! just wants her bike back. Teachers go to school in the Mauisphere. And Mick E. Finn finds out how to market Maui.

10 FEATURE STORY When Jacob Shafer start thinking about all the ways snakes can get to Hawaii, he started to wonder not if they’ll get here and wreck havoc, but when.

Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com

13 FOOD & DRINK

Art Director: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Your Mama

Jen Russo samples Tommy Bahama’s new farm to table menu. Then she talks up Kula Strawberries. And there’s another installment of Wandering Wino!

Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Pit viper General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Weevil Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Hamster

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright Š 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor.

MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person.

No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

16 Film Critique Barry Wurst II says The Help is good, but it could have been great.

17 Film Capsules/Listings

19 THIS WEEK’S PICKS We’ve got Deadheads at Stella Blues, Funk at Casanova, Wild Dolphin Days at Keawakapu, Tahiian drumming at War Memorial, classical music at the Kihei Baptist Chapel, Andre Nickatina at Hard Rock and Jah Residentz at Haui’s LAB. Plus another Album from Requests!

22 Da Kine Calendar 23 Grid

28 BACK PAGES Kula Kid does something interesting. Sign Language says Leo needs to get off Facebook.

30 ClassiďŹ ed

31 Mind, Body & Spirit

ON THE COVER: Illustration by Scrappers scrapperstown.com

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BY READERS LIKE YOU

NA KOA IKAIKA MAUI ON PRG SUIT I write in response to your piece regarding Na Koa Ikaika Maui in the Coconut Wireless section of your August, 4th edition. There are cloudy misconceptions to be addressed.

Your report concerning the judgment against us, while factually accurate, should be amended. The judge ruled in default, a ruling that did not consider any actual merit or context of the case against us. The ruling was handed down to us due to clerical error (for which we take full responsibility), the result of which was an unfortunate technicality based solely upon the allegations in the complaint.

If someone was looking for a “story” I would respectfully suggest they ask themselves “Why is a sports radio station and an ESPN affiliate trying so desperately hard to put the only professional sports franchise in Hawaii out of business? In nearly every identical market, the radio outlet pays the team for broadcast rights, not viceversa. In 2010, under original ownership, PRG broadcast Na Koa Ikaika games free of charge with a split of ad revenue. This is the standard industry agreement. Imagine our shock when PRG demanded $900 a game plus the announcers salary and travel costs!

It’s no secret that our 2011 season came together on short notice, so we understood certain concessions would be made. We feel that Pacific Radio Group sensed our weakness and took advantage of the arrangement.

In another shocking turn of events, we were threatened with the immediate garnishment of our bank accounts unless we paid their default judgment in full.

Our protests that the judgment did not reflect what was actually owed was tossed as they pressed their technical advantage. We even offered to pay this inflated amount in full given time to do so, as to not interrupt our cash flow requirements. We asked for an audience with Mr. Chuck Bergson at Pacific Radio Group and attempted to come to an understanding that would allow us to remain safely operational. Our requests for compassion were ignored.

To date we have paid PRG’s damages in full at great personal and organizational sacrifice that threatened

the financial health of the team we love so much.

It’s no secret that Independent Baseball is far from a financial windfall. I’m not in this to make bundles of money.

I bought this team because I saw the packed stands of Iron Maehera on a beautiful Hawaiian evening and am planning to move to the Valley Isle. I saw a fan base that deserved a team to call its own. I have personally invested over a half a million dollars so our baseball players can take the field for the enjoyment of the residents of this wonderful paradise. All my team asks for is a fair shake and a nonbiased media who know when a strike is a strike. For the 2011 Koa Ikaika, this has come in short supply.

-Robert J. Young, owner, Hawaii Baseball LLC

HATES ROADS The article about O’s private road (“Oprah’s Private Road,” Aug. 4, 2011) states that the “locals have been waiting 40 years... that could ease traffic congestion.”

We haven’t been waiting even one minute. Your comment betrays your lack of understanding of Maui’s culture and history. It has been public opinion of the people living Upcountry that has stopped, and will continue to stop, a road that has nothing to do with anything but divide-up land for development, and send loads of tourists to one of the regions on Maui that can boast not one hotel... and for reasons we understand as we attempt to keep this place from being merely another So Cal or Las Vegas.

Unless you have been out-of-the-loop of the real Maui for some time, or you are a newcomer, you would recall that if it wasn’t for lots of good souls Big Beach would be a harbor with a flood of shops, restaurants and hotels. But, to keep the money from winning we fought hard and beat back the potential destruction.

You have a chance to do good on Maui, and if you do you will be blessed. But, you will have to constantly review your values towards understanding that respect for the aina means respect for people over bizness [sic], church affiliation, or political whim and power. And, it means protecting the land as a core value, not seeing land as something to mine, but something to grow.

-Lloyd Fischel, Lanikai Farms, Haiku

Send your feedback to the editor via e-mail (editor@mauitime.com), or post (Editor’s Inbox, MauiTime, 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793), or check us out on Twitter (twitter.com/mauitime) and Facebook (facebook.com/mauitime).

We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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READER FEEDBACK

NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

WILL DEMS FURLOUGH LINGLE? Pardon the cliche, but even though she has yet to make any formal announcement, former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle is the 800-pound gorilla in the state’s 2012 U.S. Senate race. Longtime Democratic Senator Daniel Akaka is calling it quits, and Democrats like current 2nd District Representative Mazie Hirono and former 2nd District Representative Ed Case are lining up to take his place. What Lingle will do is unknown, but given the following, reported in the respected National Journal back in March, it’s easy to see her readying a run: “The announcement by Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka of Hawaii that he will not seek reelection creates the first open Senate seat in the Aloha State since 1990 and presents a rare opportunity for the GOP to take the seat if former Gov. Linda Lingle jumps into the race,” reported Jennifer Duffy, who also writes for the venerable Cook Political Report.

The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC), a powerful political action committee “Committed to Electing a Democratic Senate,” is taking a Lingle candidacy very seriously—so much so that on Aug. 8 they sent out a press release titled “Furlough Flashback! — Partisan Governor Linda Lingle Now Wants To Go To Washington” that denounces the former two-term governor in rather strong terms.

“Not only was Lingle hyper-partisan, nominating Sarah Palin for Vice-President and accusing President [Barack] Obama of palling around with terrorists, she was also a huge disappointment as governor,” DSCC spokesman Matt Canter said in the press release. “Lingle’s decision to gut classroom time for thousands of Hawaii students drew an intense backlash from parents and teachers and was even singled out by the Obama administration as one of the worst decisions in the nation.

Now, Linda Lingle is trying to hide her disappointing record as governor as she prepares for a U.S. Senate run.

The fact is Linda Lingle tried to balance the budget on the backs of Ha-

waii students, and Hawaii residents will be sure to repay the favor and furlough Linda Lingle if she runs for Senate next year.”

Damn, that stings. Given the fact that the DSCC is already bashing Lingle in advance of any official senate run an-

email sent yesterday [Aug. 5] and forwarded by one of the recipients, Carlson said David Black’s Oahu Publications, owner of the Honolulu StarAdvertiser, is demanding payment of about $20,000 in past due printing bills by next Wednesday, August 10,”

Baaad news!

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

nouncement, it’s a good bet that Lingle could win the seat next year, previous school furlough disaster or not.

WILL HONOLULU WEEKLY GO UNDER? And now for some very bad media news that went down over the weekend: Honolulu Weekly, an independent alternative paper on Oahu that just celebrated its 20th year and is owned by publisher Laurie Carlson, is facing a dire financial situation, according to blogger Ian Lind (ilind.net). “In an

Lind reported. “They are ‘threatening, essentially, to close down the Weekly’ if they aren’t paid, Carlson wrote.”

This is beyond bad. Honolulu Weekly is, like MauiTime, a member of the Association of Alternative Newsmedia (AAN), which means they offer the same hard-hitting news, colorful arts and entertainment coverage and comprehensive calendar listings that we do. Recent investigative stories they’ve done include a look at bank foreclosure tricks that were hurting Hawaii families and the pain caused by “sex-

Overheard “You bit off both ends!?

You have very interesting eating habits.”

-Man talking to woman, South Shore Tiki Lounge, Aug. 5

tourism” in the islands. They’re also a small (36,142 weekly circulation, according to AAN’s member directory) for-profit company, which means private donations aren’t tax deductible.

According to Lind, Carlson wrote in her email that she’s stopped paying Oahu Publications “not because we are ignoring our obligations but because we needed to use our existing cash flow to pay our current printers, Maui News.” Lind added that Carlson’s Aug. 5 email indicates that she’s already secured commitments for $6,500 of the $20,000 she needs.

A spokesperson with Oahu Publications didn’t return a call seeking comment by press time. Carlson also declined to comment for MauiTime.

“No thanks,” she emailed on Aug. 8.

“Not happy that this was publicized. Its [sic] not helping our situation.”

WILL THIEVES RETURN SURFING GOATS? You read that right: On Aug. 4, person or persons unknown made off with two goats at the Surfing Goat Dairy in Kula, stated a press release sent out Aug. 5 by dairy owner Thomas Kafsack. And it wasn’t the first time, either: “On July 19th—also during daylight hours—someone stole… another 5 of our milking goats from [two] other pastures,” Kafsack added.

So there is, on Maui, a goat rustler out wrecking havoc. I know this sounds silly, but Kafsack says the thefts will seriously hurt his business.

According to Kafsack, the loss of the goats reduces his milking herd by nearly 10 percent. “Milking goats like these have a value of about $12,000 each,” Kafsack said in the news release. “[B]ut they are not only valuable, they are family to us. We know their mothers and fathers for several generations now.”

Kafsack is offering a $5,000 reward for the return of the goats (no questions asked) or for information leading to the recovery of the goats and arrest of the thieves.

If you any information, please call 878-2870. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508n1

AUGUST 11, 2011

5

NEWS&VIEWS

QUIZunderstood 1.

Following a two-week marine archaeological survey of the South Maui coast, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the University of Hawaii recently announced the discovery of a number of wrecks dating back to World War II. Which of the following did researchers NOT find?

A. An SB2C-1C Helldiver dive bomber.

B. An F6F Hellcat fighter of the type found at old Puunene Naval Air Station.

C. An F3F biplane carrier fighter that dated to the late 1930s.

D. Three LVT amphibious assault vehicles, two of which carried 75mm howitzers.

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AUGUST 11, 2011

Last week, 34 American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) affiliates—including Hawaii’s—asked 379 law enforcement agencies for information on how they use cell phone location data to track American citizens.

They did this because: A. People are highly dependent on mobile communications.

B. Cell phone location data tracking is shrouded in secrecy.

C. The National Security Agency (NSA) has already said it might have the authority to spy on Americans using their own cell phones.

D. There's a bill before Congress that would require all law enforcement agencies to first obtain a warrant before using cell phone location data.

E. All of the above F. A and B only G. B and C only

3. According to The Maui News, Kahului-based Pacific Biodiesel recently signed a contract to supply 250,000 gallons of biodiesel for the emergency generators at Honolulu International Airport. The company could have provided more fuel, but officials with the firm were concerned that they couldn’t find enough restaurant grease to manufacture more than a quarter-million gallons of biodiesel.

A. True B. False C. Mmm... restaurant grease See answers, page 29

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

CAN’T SPELL FUNERAL WITHOUT ‘FUN’ For years, many traditional funerals in Taiwan—especially in rural areas or among working classes—have included pop singers and bikinied dancers, supposedly to entertain the ghosts that will protect the deceased in the afterlife. According to a recent documentary by anthropologist Marc Moskowitz, until 20 years ago some of the dancers were strippers who did lap dances with funeral guests (the government later made such behavior illegal). Contemporary song-and-dance shows, like the traveling Electric Flower Car, supposedly appeal to “lower” gods who help cleanse the deceased of the more mundane vices such as gambling and prostitution (compared to the “higher” gods who focus on morality and righteousness).

ART ROCKS California’s state and local governments are rarely discussed these days without the pall of budget cuts looming, but apparently the Los Angeles County Museum of Art is safe because it’s spending a reported $1.5 million to move a big rock in from Riverside, about 60 miles away. It’s a 340-ton boulder that the museum intends to display above a sidewalk (“Levitated Mass”). The move will require a 200-footlong trailer with 200 tires, with one semitractor pulling and one pushing, at night, maximum speed 8 mph.

BLAME THE VOTERS Tennessee State Rep. Julia Hurley apologized in July and said she would pay for the refinishing of her desk in the legislative chamber after it was revealed that she had carved her initials in it during a January session. “It was like one in the morning on the last day of the session,” she told WSMV-TV. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Rep. Hurley, 29, who has a daughter, 14, unseated a nine-term incumbent legislator in 2010 with a campaign that touted her time as a Hooters waitress. “If I could make it at Hooters,” she wrote in the restaurant’s magazine, “I could make it anywhere.”

CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE In June, the California Court of Appeals threw out the three counts of possession of child pornography for which Joseph Gerber had been convicted, even though what Gerber had done was paste face shots of his own 13-year-old daughter onto ordinary pornographic photos. The U.S. Supreme Court decided in 2002 that a conviction for making “child pornography” requires actual sexual abuse. Gerber had also been convicted of supplying the daughter with drugs and the court ordered Gerber re-sentenced.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT Georges Marciano, co-founder of the clothing company Guess? Inc. and ostensibly in no trouble with the IRS, nonetheless demanded in 2009 that the agency

audit him over the previous several years.

The IRS turned him down, and he sued the agency in federal court in Washington, D.C., but in July, a judge rejected the case, declaring that federal law and the U.S. Constitution do not give anyone a “right” to demand that the IRS collect more taxes from them. Marciano perhaps hoped for the IRS to uncover cheating by his former employees and accountants, whom he thought were stealing from him. Paying higher taxes might have been worth it if the agency had made it easier for him to sue any cheaters.

HELPING DISASTER VICTIMS In May, following near-record floods in fields south of Montreal, Quebec, farmer Martin Reid made sure to apply for his fishing license because he had learned the hard way that when his land gets flooded, he cannot remove the fish washed onto it unless he is a licensed fisherman. After flooding in 1993, Reid and his father failed to secure a license and were fined $1,000.

A second offense brings a fine of $100,000.

And two weeks after the catastrophic April tornadoes hit Alabama and neighboring states, Bailey Brothers Music Co. of Birmingham offered to help. To soothe those suffering depression and grief from devastating property losses, Bailey Brothers sponsored weekly drum circles.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

HEY HAOLE BOY, here’s some free some advice for you: 1. Don’t steal a giraffe-print, seven-gear cruiser straight out of my garage... It leaves a bad taste in the mouth. 2.

Don’t attempt to sell said giraffe-print cruiser... Word gets around the island quickly with that coconut wireless. 3. Never doubt a girl from New York when she’s on a mission. Even if you move off-island, what goes around will come around. ■

PEOPLE WITH ISSUES The usual furtive restroom photographer is male, but sheriff ’s deputies in Plantation, Fla., arrested Rhonda Hollander, 47, in July and charged her with several misdemeanors and a felony stemming from an episode in which she allegedly followed a man inside the men’s room at the West Regional Courthouse and snapped photos of him at a urinal. Hollander insisted she had violated no law, and indeed the charges against her were only for conduct after she was confronted by deputies (when she continued to take pictures as they led her away). Hollander is actually Judge Hollander, who works in the building as a traffic magistrate.

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

RECURRING THEMES Advances in DNA testing have improved society in several ways in the last two decades, especially in criminal justice, but in many states, one area remains a backwater, as News of the Weird has noted over the years: men’s obligation to pay support for children they did not father. Ray Thomas of Houston is the most recent frustrated complainant, with a court refusing to relieve him of the $52,000 in back child support he owes for a “daughter” that DNA has subsequently shown is not his.

Ironically, in March the Texas legislature became one of the few to allow men like Thomas to present DNA evidence in order to end court-ordered support, but the state attorney general noted that the new law covers only prospective judicial orders. ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508n2

AUGUST 11, 2011

7

NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

Stacie Williams puts together a science kit

received a complete science kit and curriculum to use in the workshop as well as later in the classroom. In addition, each teacher earned a $300 stipend.

“The teachers really appreciated the wellstructured lessons on light, optics, sound, circuitry, as well as biology,” MEDB Project Manager Mapu Quitazol says. “But what really pulled it together for them were the fun hands-on activities. They can’t wait for school to begin to try them out with their students!”

PWF GETS NEW REGIONAL MANAGER

TEACHING TEACHERS STEM SKILLS It’s no jape, there are fewer female scientists than male ones. In fact, the National Science Foundation says biases against female students in the science classrooms persist, as do myths like “girls are less interested in science than boys are.” The Women in Technology Project (WIT), founded by the Maui Economic Development Board (MEDB) in 2000, has honed in on this issue. They’re now training Maui County educators in a three-day professional development course entitled “Science Building Blocks,” in a partnership with the Air Force Research Laboratory and University of Hawaii Maui College. The course offers teachers science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) training.

“We know that girls start to make gendered career assumptions as early as age seven, so by supporting our teachers with the tools to teach science and math concepts in exciting and interesting ways, we know we are debunking the stereotypes that these subjects are boring and only for geeks,” says Leslie Wilkins, Program Director of Women in Technology. “WIT includes gender equity principles in all its trainings and will provide female science role models in follow-up support for the teachers.”

Stacie Williams is the Program Director of Community Outreach for the Air Force Research Laboratory (AFRL). She’s determined to even up the numbers by motivating young girls, as well as boys, toward science even before they’re out of grade school.

When Williams was in college, she she says she was the only woman in her physics class. “That was pretty typical in my advanced science courses,” she says. “By developing STEM programs for 3rd, 4th and 5th graders as part of AFRL’s outreach efforts, we’re working toward engaging Maui kids as early as possible.”

They held their first course at Maui Economic Development Board’s Malcolm Center July 19-21. Eighteen elementary school teachers, including three from Molokai, signed up for the hands-on biology and physical science course. Each participant

8

AUGUST 11, 2011

Tapani Vuori has “hit the ground running” as Pacific Whale Foundation’s New Regional Manager and Retail Buyer, says Greg Kaufman, President and Founder of Pacific Whale Foundation (PWF). Tapani comes to the PWF with more than 25 years in retail, the last nine as Maui Ocean Center’s Retail Director.

“I am originally from Finland and still remember vividly the day I stood at the bus stop bidding goodbye to my parents at the beginning of my journey all the way across the World, via few stops along the way.” Vuori says. “The Maui Ocean Center was a great organization that was a catalyst for me personally in becoming more interested and active in environmental issues, not only locally here on Maui, but also globally. I graduated from UCLA in 1987 and came to Hawaii in early 90’s, first Honolulu, and now on Maui for about 10 years. I am very excited to be part of creating a global brand that can and will change how we think about and take

Tapani Vuori

care of ‘our’ environment.”

Vuori directed the high-end retail operation at Maui Ocean Center and managed a staff of 26. While there, he also led the opening of a retail operation at Maui Ocean Center’s sister aquarium in Palma de Mallorca, Spain, in 2007.

“Tapani brings extensive experience in all phases of retail management to this job,” says Kaufman. “We are especially impressed with the many demanding assignments and challenges he has taken on during the course of his career, his entrepreneurial outlook and his progressive approach to management He arrives at an exciting time of growth for our retail operations.”

The stores serve visitors and residents of all ages. PWF stores currently sell educational books and videos about whales and the oceans, logo shirts and clothing with an ocean theme, cameras, binoculars and gifts. The stores support PWF’s marine education, research and conservation programs. They are located at 612 Front Street in Lahaina and at The Harbor Shops at Maalaea next to Maui Ocean Center. Store hours are 6:30 am to 8:30 pm daily in Lahaina and 6:00 am to 6:00 pm daily in Maalaea. To learn more, visit wwww.pacificwhale.org.

FAIRMONT HELPS JAPANESE GUESTS Ko, the Fairmont Kea Lani’s signature restaurant, recently hosted the Aloha Initiative’s 30 visiting Japanese guests and their

Aloha Initiative Guests visit Ko at Fairmont Kealani host families in a demonstration of our island’s aloha spirit. Niko Nemoto of the Fairmont spearheaded the effort. “It is a local, Maui-led program and it helps and supports the people of Japan directly,” she said.

For three days, Ko welcomed more than 30 participants and volunteers through Aloha Initiative. “I ate frozen hamburger (literally frozen) in a shelter in Japan,” said one Aloha Initiative guest, Mrs. Yoko. “I feel like I am dreaming.” Others said they had never seen a big resort hotel.

“We felt both a responsibility and a sincere desire to support Aloha Initiative,” said Charles Head, general manager of the Fairmont Kea Lani. “After learning that the families were excited for a nice dinner out, we were delighted to welcome them to Ko.” Maki, mother of three, said, “My family and I were so excited and joyful when we received the invitation. When we arrived at the hotel, we couldn’t believe how beautiful it is. It was a very special occasion and we are so thankful.”

For more information or to donate to The Aloha Initiative, call 280-1299 or visit www. alohainitiative.com. To learn more about Ko, including the renovation this fall, call 8754100 or visit www.Fairmont.com/kealani. ■

jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1507n3

NEWS&VIEWS

Rebranded

on at i S t i Im E W N

A humorous look at how to market Maui

BY MICK E. FINN

I

t was Mark Twain who noted that “Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.” It’s hard to argue with his point, but the Maui Visitors Bureau (MVB) is turning Twain’s wisdom on its head with a new marketing campaign. According to the Aug. 3 Maui News, the MVB has just completed an 18-month effort to make the actual advertising of the islands of Maui, Molokai and Lanai as small as possible.

In fact, the organization is rebranding each island with a single word: “captivating” for Maui; “enlightening” for Molokai; and “enticing” for Lanai.

According to The Maui News article, MVB Executive Director Terryl Vencl said travel agents and marketers love the new campaign. To get the perspective of a professional familiar with the campaign, I recently spoke with Sharon Glazer of the Glazer Group, a marketing firm based in Los Angeles.

for both you and your audience. So I’ll just boil it down to this: the campaign is too wordy.

I’m sorry, too wordy?

Yeppers.

Um, their campaign is basically using just a single word to encapsulate the people, culture, climate, geology, history—everything—for an entire island. How is it “too wordy?”

cuts and pop-up ads, and they have something like 5,000 things competing for their attention at any given time.

Seriously, who has time to read a word these days? Do you? I certainly don’t.

Hey, don’t get me wrong—I love words.

But it’s rush, rush, rush out there, and we’ve got to face facts.

So... how would you fix the MVB advertising materials?

Shave ‘em down to what really matters.

And that is...

Sharon Glazer of the Glazer Group

I’m sorry, but I’m having a difficult time following you. Are you saying that in an ad for Maui—an ad designed to get people to spend lots of money on a vacation to Maui— you would just have a giant percent sign?

Well, not just. Maybe there’s a picture of a waterfall or a pineapple with the percent sign. Trust me, all of marketing is going this way. Email, text messages, Twitter—it’s all going to abbreviations and hash tags and such.

We’re just getting out ahead of the curve. Believe me, I’ve run two-way focus groups on this very subject until I’m blue in the face.

Really? How many people in your focus groups?

Oh, just one. [...]

MAUITIME: Thanks so much for speaking to us on this subject, Ms. Glazer.

Excuse me?

Yeah, we’re kind of a small firm, so we have to cut corners here and there. A big office over the Miracle Mile isn’t cheap, you know. Anyway, yeah, usually it’s just me.

SHARON GLAZER: It’s no trouble at all.

I love to talk marketing. I could talk marketing all day long. But you probably don’t have all day to talk marketing, do you?

Wait, you focus group yourself?

But you said these were two-way groups, which I believe is where one focus group watches another test marketing or something.

How do you do that with just one person?

No, not really. So you’ve seen the new Maui Visitors Bureau rebranding effort. What do you think?

Hate it. Oh my God, I hate it. I really, really hate it. Seriously, I don’t know what they were thinking. Maybe it’s because you guys are way the hell out on Maui, so you don’t have access to most modern marketing techniques and skill-sets like we have here LA, but this whole thing is just cheesy and weak. I’ve seen five-year-olds do better marketing campaigns for their sidewalk lemonade stands.

Wow, okay. So what’s wrong with the MVB campaign?

Well, I could bore you with a bunch of multivariate statistics and flow charts, but that’s probably way too technical

PHOTO BY ISTOCK.COM

Basically, it runs in the face of everything we know about demographic shifts in attention span. For the 18-34s out there (the only real demographic most advertising is pointed at), they just don’t have the time, energy or desire to put into the kind of research the MVB advertising materials require. Your typical Millennial—someone born after 1980—has the attention span of a butterfly. You can thank MTV, sports drinks, video games, the Internet, whatever, but it’s true. They were raised on quick

Oh, I use a mirror.

Punctuation marks.

[...]

Um, what?

Okay, then. Ms. Glazer, thank you very much for taking time out of your busy schedule to answer my questions.

Characters. Single key strokes. I don’t know, I’m not on the clock or anything and it’s been a while since I’ve been to Hawaii, but it seems like Maui might be the percent sign, Molokai could be the ampersand and then Lanai could be, I don’t know, the asterisk? No, the island is bigger than that—make Lanai the “at” sign.

You’re welcome, or as we say in the advertising world, “#.” ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508n4

AUGUST 11, 2011

9

T

HOUGH HE INSPIRED one of the world’s great drinking holidays, St. Patrick never actually drove the snakes out of Ireland. Turns out, there never were any snakes to begin with.

Hawaii, at the moment, finds itself similarly serpentfree. Then again, our isolated island chain was once bereft of mosquitoes, rats, mongooses, cats, dogs, pigs and humans—and we all know how that turned out.

Will snakes be the next uninvited arrivals? If they are, how will they affect Hawaii’s fragile ecosystem and equally fragile economy? Are we doing enough to prepare and protect ourselves? The answers to those questions—wrapped in government cutbacks, bureaucratic headaches and low-level criminal activity—are far from reassuring.

I

LL-CONCEIVED.” “SHORTSIGHTED.” “BLIND IDEOLOGUE.” Those are some of the epithets that greeted Republican Governor Linda Lingle’s decision in 2009 to fire 50 of the state’s 95 agriculture inspectors. If the effort to stave off invasive species was a war, it was the equivalent of pulling more than half the troops off the battlefield.

Lingle sold the move as a necessary evil, but environmentalists, activists, small farmers and just about everyone else with a stake in Hawaii’s ecological health wasn’t buying it. “Her management style is so outrageous, she should be removed from office,” Jeffrey Parker, president of Tropical Orchid Farm Inc., told The Maui News in September 2009.

Almost two years later Lingle has been removed from office (by term limits) but Hawaii’s line of defense against invasive species remains frighteningly porous.

Sure, last month Democratic Governor Neil Abercrombie approved the hiring of 10 new ag inspectors (all on Oahu) and signed Act 202, which directs the Department of Transportation to build new “biosecurity inspection facilities” at harbors and airports, but the department is still woefully undermanned. And it shows: in the six months prior to Lingle’s layoffs, inspectors made 1,457 interceptions statewide; during the same period the following year that number dropped to 730.

“The more eyes you have looking, the more invasive species you’re going to find,” said Plant Quarantine Branch manager Carol Okada in a painfully obvious prepared statement.

But eyes aren’t looking, at least not enough of them. So why haven’t snakes slithered through? Two reasons, mostly: the diligence of a few passionate individuals and a lot of luck.

“There are some very maniacal people like myself who would do anything over and above the call of duty to keep [snakes] out,” says Fern Duvall, a Maui-based wildlife biologist with the Department of Land and Natural Resources.

At the same time, Duvall admits, the threat is dire. “People should be worried,” he says plainly, before firing off a list of endemic animals he believes would disappear completely if snakes arrived on our shores, including the Valley Isle’s two rarest birds: the Maui parrotbill and crested honeycreeper.

10 AUGUST 11, 2011

“I would expect all of our birds, even common species, to die out,” says Duvall.

“There isn’t a single safe bird.” After that, he says, snakes would move on to kittens, puppies—and anything else they could catch.

F YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE when snakes destroy an island, visit Guam. Brown tree snakes—native to Australia, New Guinea and the Solomon Islands—arrived in the tiny territory right after World War II. In the intervening decades, they wreaked unimaginable havoc.

First they killed off the native birds, which in turn caused the insect population to explode. The bugs de-foliated the trees, which doomed the lowergrowing plants and basically every other living thing on the island. Even the snakes, eventually, suffered. As a result, says Duvall, Guam is teetering on the brink of “total ecological collapse.”

And now for the really bad news: U.S. Department of Agriculture inspectors typically intercept thousands of brown tree snakes that otherwise would make the trip to Hawaii or elsewhere on ships, planes and cargo containers. But due to budget cuts and Washington’s new aversion to earmarks, money for those inspections may soon dry up. (Inquiries to Hawaii’s various Congressional representatives about the status of the funding weren’t returned at press time, but anyone following the current debt-ceiling nonsense knows the picture is bleak.)

If Hawaii gets brown tree snakes it’ll obviously be bad for us, but that might only be the tip of the iceberg. “We’re such a portal to the rest of the United States as well as many other places, that we would have greater possibility of amplifying travel of these animals,” says Duvall.

Recently, a venomous, tree-living snake similar to the brown tree snake was intercepted on furniture sent from Indonesia to Maui, tangled in packing tape.

Luckily, the people who discovered the snake reported it, but what if they hadn’t?

And how many others don’t?

In fact, the idea that there are no snakes in Hawaii is a misnomer. State officials

I

receive dozens of credible snake-sighting reports, including the nine-foot female e boa constrictor that was spotted and captured last month in Honolulu.

That snake, like many others, was probably somebody’s pet. To address that at persistent problem, officials have begun offering amnesty to anyone who volunntarily gives up an illegal animal. (Otherwise it’s a felony, punishable by up to three e years behind bars.) Already scofflaws have handed over more than a dozen aniimals since late June, including two ball pythons, two boa constrictors and two o albino Burmese pythons. That last snake’s relatives have made a home in Floriida’s Everglades, growing to lengths in excess of 20 feet and devouring everything g from pigs to alligators to small children.

F COURSE, snakes aren’t the only invasive e species that could wreak havoc in Hawaii. i.

From red fire ants to biting midges, the list of creatures that would upset the state’s tenuouss natural balance is long. But snakes occupy a special place in our imagination; Eve wasn’t ’t tempted by a biting midge, after all.

Which brings us to a key reason why snakess would hurt Hawaii’s bottom line: the fear facctor. Imagine tourists hiking Hana’s bamboo o forest trail, only to encounter a python coiled d menacingly around an overhanging branch. h.

Imagine someone’s dog—or worse, keiki—being swallowed by a creeping connstrictor. How quickly would we go from America’s favorite vacation destination n to another forgotten backwater, fraught with peril?

“Many people are fearful of snakes,” says Duvall. “If you were to come here and d have a bad interaction with a snake, you’re likely not to come back again and to go o home and tell everyone, ‘Wow, you don’t want to go there. It’s dangerous.’ It would d change the perception very quickly. I think it would change the way Hawaii wass perceived; we would be a paradise lost.”

The brown tree snake alone could cost the state more than $400 million annnually, according to a University of Hawaii study. The USDA National Wildlife Research Center places the number at a staggering $1.7 billion, which certainly puts a few ag inspectors’ salaries in perspective.

“I think it’s an essential government function to protect people and their way of life,” says Duvall. “Everyone talks about government waste and how we don’t need it, but this is an instance where it’s really playing a vital role.”

Pressed to put a number on the odds of snakes taking hold here in the next decade, Duvall says it’s “very low... maybe five percent.” He credits his optimism

O

islandto “increased public awareness” and the work of groups like the various island based invasive species committees. Yet, he adds, “I’m pessimistic about the time lag between when we identify an issue and when the bureaucracy can find funding and respond.”

St. Patrick won’t be there to save us, either. But when you asses the issue—and listen to the people who’ve studied it—you’ll take any excuse to have a drink. ■

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508s

“It would change the way Hawaii was perceived;

WE WOULD BE A PARADISE LOST.”

This Boa Constrictor was captured July 4th, 2011 by the Hawaii Department of Agriculture.

More info at hawaii.gov/hdoa

TWEET, SHARE, AND COMMENT ON THIS STORY AT MAUITIME.COM

AUGUST 11, 2011 11

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FOOD&DRINK

Localvore’s Dream Sampling Tommy Bahama’s new farm rm to table menu

BY JEN RUSSO

Tommy Bahama The Shops at Wailea 3750 Wailea Alanui Dr. 879-7828 Oh, you luxury-ites driving your SUVs with the air conditioning blasting, sipping your designer water bottles. I get you.

You want to reduce your carbon footprint, but you need to do it in style. Well, here’s e’s an easy way to accomplish both tasks: try Tommy Bahama’s Farm to Table menu.

It’s a bold move for Tommy Bahama. ma.

They are sourcing an entire menu locally lly and offering it daily alongside their regular lar menu. “Everything on the plate is found nd here in the islands, from Molokai sweet potato, Hamakua Mushroom to the Surfing

local food economy as a d way towards greater food o sustainability makes so s. much sense in our islands. is Tommy Bahama started this concept menu in July, and if ep it’s successful they may keep ysa it year-round. Chef Rey Baysa ork does all the difficult legwork for us by searching out the finest produce and proteinss on

Caprese Tomato

Rob Aspaas& Rey Baysa

Ahi tataki

Goat Dairy Cheese,” said Rob Aspaas, General Manager. “The menu will change with availability. Sometimes we have to switch some items around to make it happen, but people are loving this menu. It is doing well.” The evening I visited Tommy Bahama, the Kunia tomatoes had been switched to Hamakua, and the Kauai prawns were now coming from Big Island. Clearly, they were dedicated to making the menu work.

Tommy Bahama is located in the Shops at Wailea. Though you can dine in their beautiful dining room, newly decked out in classic Tommy Bahama plantation luxury chic aesthetic, I recommend hanging out on the deck, al fresco. There, you’re surrounded by palm tree heads at eye level, the summer breeze is welcoming and the live music is fantastic.

Starting with cocktails is a must. They have an exquisitely prepared menu of drinks, ranging from artisanal martinis and cocktails to a whole list of rum tropicals like you’ve never seen before. Their wine list will do the trick, too.

The farm to table menu is a localvore’s dream. The idea behind supporting the

the island.

He serves them i with gorgeous, glory-on-the-plate prese presentations.

“I have been in the islands island for over 40 years,” Baysa said. “The ingredients I have to w here are the main inspiwork with ration. ration I let them speak for themselves. I really try to feature their avors and let that come through flavors, in the dishes.” dishes Baysa added that he can’t take all the credit; his sous chef, Brandon Shim, is a local boy with great ideas, too.

I started with Baysa’s interpretation of Tomato Caprese. A sliced hamakua tomato stands upright, dissected by clouds of Surfing Goat Dairy goat cheese. It’s then topped by house pickled onion and a basil sprig, with a pretty pool of li hing mui dressing and balsamic reduction swirled together next to it on the plate. Eating it requires considerable deconstruction and dredging, but the fabulous flavors make the effort well worth it.

The appetizer menu overflows with enticing summer produce. In the ahi tataki salad, the julienne daikon and wakame play on equal levels with the seared ahi.

But it’s important to first saturate the whole business with spicy ponzu: my server helpfully demonstrated this for me.

While the earth and sea vegetables soak in the sauce, grab bites with chopsticks that twist the fish and garnish together into one complementary, juicy crunch.

The pulled pork crostini is another filling appetizer. Here, a variety of sweet and

savory flavors mingle on a small sm mall slab of sourdough toast. The tomato toma ato marmalade was surprisingly well balanced against the mango salsa and an jalepeno, and was such a treat for me. m I love tomato, but have never tried it i as a jam before. If you lean in and sniff sn , the gruyere messes with you, but the th enticing aroma of the pulled pork and the mango barbecue sauce a draws you back in.

Ono is the raw fish in the poisson crustyle of creviche served on the Farm to Table menu.

Dark purple housemaid m Molokai sweet potato chips accompany the raw fish salad, adding color as well as providing an edible utensil for devouring the citrusy, coconuty, milky fish with cucumber and red bell pepper.

Baysa stayed true to the traditional French preparation with the tomato bisque, brewing it with the aromatics of the mirepoix and rendered bacon. Sometimes soup can be overlooked, but I couldn’t stop scooping this one, and devoured it quickly. The warm flavors will meld over your tongue in herbal genius.

The mahi mahi is a delicate entree, and shows its prowess in the silky and flakey sauteed fish, and in the addicting Hana ginger sauce. Upcountry bak choy and meaty Hamakua mushrooms are justified sides, made more magnificent with ginger sauce.

If red meat is more to your liking, Tommy Bahama is very proud of the fact that all of its beef comes from the Maui Cattle Company. This includes the burgers available at lunch as well as the short rib and petite filet. “We did all the tastings, and the Maui Cattle Company Beef over-performs other gourmet brands like Snake River in terms of flavor,” says Baysa.

I sampled the short rib that shows up at the table as a generous chunk of braised beef with a large bone extending skyward and bathed in incredible aromas of Chinese five spice and a port wine reduction. It’s a manly looking entree, so much so that the men at both tables on either side of me asked, “What is that dish?” and then promptly ordered it.

Continued on page 15

AUGUST 11, 2011 13

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FOOD&DRINK

The Wandering Wino Discoveries of a sophisticated and socially y accepted alcoholic

BY JASON CASTLE

I

am holding a restaurant wine list yet again. This time I’m with a birthday troop at snazzy Capische? (their question mark, not mine) in the Hotel Wailea. Considering the cuisine of the restaurant it only makes sense to go Italian for the wine selections.

Venetian Pinot Grigio and Tuscan Chianti immediately pop off the wine list and scream to be ordered. I suppose it would be a slam dunk to pick such staples, but I find it to be a bit, well, lame. I’ve had enough boring ol’ Pinot Grigio for one lifetime. I’d rather taste the sexier side of Italian wine.

I spot a Villa Sparina, Gavi, Piedmont, Italy 2009 on the list and pull the trigger.

People should consume this white wine a lot more often in Hawaii. It’s made with the grape cortese and tastes like a funky Sauvignon Blanc. “Lemony-orange goodness,� is the description authored by the birthday girl. A hint of almonds rounds out the wine and makes a perfect match to our Pumpkin Gnocchi pupu. Fifty-eight bucks for the bottle.

Masi ‘Campofiorin’ Rosso del Veronese, Italy

2007 is the red. This is basically the famous—yet yet impossible to pronounce—Vale—Valpolicella from northeastern astern Italy. Say it with me: “Valpoll-e-CHELL-a.â€? A classic blend of the grapes rapes corvina, rondinella and molinara. Trust me, e, if you like Merlot, you’ll ou’ll like this. Rich dark cherherry flavor with a “tastes tes like chocolateâ€? mouth th feel, according to one ne reveler. Pairs up niceely with my Braised d Lamb Shank entrĂŠe..

Sixty bucks a bottle “ VALPO LL -E-C and also available by HELL -A � the glass.

The rest of our party of six digs the wines as well and d my pocketbook is not punished too badly by my frequent expensive tastes. Winner, winner, gourmet ItaleCastle on Twitter. â– ian dinner.

The Wandering Wino is a Certified SpeTo share or save this article, type: cialist of Wine & Spirits and Advanced mt.hy.pr/1508d3 Sommelier. Follow the hunt @TheWin-

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Continued from page 13 I didn’t even need a knife to separate the meat from its shank, as it melted away under barely any pressure. I tapped out before I tried their surf and turf: a Maui-raised filet and Big Island prawns, served with Pohole fern and grilled Maui onion cream.

Dessert was a triumphant finale. I thought I was full, but reserved just enough space to try the Maui Pineapple Creme Brulee. Served in a cross section of pineapple so the exterior is rind, the cool interior creme was amazingly full of pineapple and pineapple flavor. Baysa admits he had to tinker with that recipe to get the pineapple to gel, but he certainly had it all worked out. The caramelized sugar over the top that concealed the luscious dairy underneath was flawless to the last bite. Two simple but perfect Kula strawberries dipped in dark chocolate were incredible as well. In fact, the strawberry was the star of the show: understated, barely dressed but unparalleled.

Aspaas added that ultimately Tommy Bahama would love to offer more regional menu items, and keep these on rotation with their core menu. The Palm Desert restaurant is offering a retro 1970s menu, and the Las Vegas restaurant is promoting a taco and margarita menu for summer.

For now, their commitment and dedication to offering their Maui farm to table menu is a must try on your Wailea dining checklist.

Their happy hour runs from 3pm to 5pm daily as well. â– jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508d2

GROWN HERE NOT FLOWN HERE

BY JEN RUSSO

I

t used to be that strawberries sucked on Maui. They were imported from California and would arrive expensive and bruised, partially unripe and sour. Now Kula has become synonymous with strawberries on Maui, partially due to Chauncy Monden and Kula Country Farms, where he produces this year-round crop. Monden was a grad of University of Hawaii at Manoa, and could

Straight outta Kula, yo!

have chosen a fast-track job in finance, but turned to farming instead.

In 1998, when his father retired, he took over the family farm as a fourth-generation farmer who picked up his first hoe at age five. Monden and his wife, Teena, run Kula Country Farms. They made a conscientious

choice to raise their children in the country, enthused by a love for Maui’s land. Their vision transcends their 55 acres of juicy, sweet strawberries, onions and cabbages. “One of the benefits of being a farmer,� Monden says, “is the gratification you feel when you produce a consistent product. But we farm also to ensure that we don’t lose agriculture, our farming legacy.�

Aside from strawberries, the Mondens grow green beans, Maui Kula Onion (sweet onions), zucchini and broccoli.

They also have a line of value-added ag products made from the strawberries (syrups, jams, etc).

You can find their Kula Strawberries at their farm stand on Kula Highway across from Rice Park.

Call them at (808) 8788381 or visit www.kulacountryfarm.com.

Their produce is also found at Pukalani Superette, Mana Foods and Safeway. â– jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508d3

AUGUST 11, 2011 15

FILM

Fire In The Belly The Help is good, but not great

BY BARRY WURST II The Help

★★★★★

Rated PG13/146 min

O

ne of the most anticipated films of the (late) summer that isn’t a 3-D comic book sequel, prequel or remake is the adaptation of Kathryn Stockett’s 2009 bestselling novel of the same name. Fans of the book can nitpick over how faithful the film is or isn’t (my verdict: beats me, I haven’t read the book and am too busy finally diving into The Hunger Games). Strictly from a film stand point, the movie of The Help is less than great but has enough good performances and strong scenes to recommend it. A more seasoned director, tighter screenplay and a better handle on tonal shifts could have made this truly special. As is, it’s a crowd-pleaser and will give you a good cry.

Emma Stone stars as Skeeter, a newspaper writer living in Mississippi during the early days of the Civil Rights movement, who is troubled by the casual racism she see all around her. She devises a highly illegal plan to interview the African-American servants working for cruel white employers and record

their testimonies into a tell-all book. After cret ingredient in a slice of chocolate pie. some hesitation, the long suffering Aibileen Octavia Spencer’s performance as the (Viola Davis) comes forward, revealing a mulsassy Minny is sometimes too broad and aptitude of secrets and abuses and encourages proaches caricature but Davis is typically exothers to participate. ceptional and has the most powerful scenes.

The film is too long and tries to cram a 451Also terrific are an unrecognizable Jessica page book and all of its major and minor charChastain and Bryce Dallas Howard, chillingly acters into a single film. Many side characters, like the ones played

by Sissy Spacek and Cicely Tyson, make lasting impressions but are on screen too briefly to fully flesh out their roles. There’s also a romantic subplot that goes nowhere and adds a needless 15 minutes to an already plump 146-minute running time.

Also, the movie is a total fantasy, depicting a form of justice that never took place during a painful period of U.S. history. While well intentioned and likely to introduce many young viewers to the I asked you to pull my finger, not my hand. realities of the period, it inevitably feels white-washed and sanitized for a mainstream audience. Fried Green Tomatoes remains the gold standard for embodying a smiling, socially accepted bigot. this genre of Southern Equality Period Piece.

Stone initially seems miscast, too modern For all the dramatic turns in the last half, what and out of her league with these more seamost will remember about this movie is the sesoned actresses but she grew on me. Skee-

ter is more of a plot device than a plausible character and a clichÊ in these types of movies. As usual, even though the main characters are black, there’s typically a plucky white crusader who inspires the oppressed to rise up against bigotry. Unlike A Time to Kill, where Matthew McConaughey’s character and performance were well measured against Samuel L. Jackson’s, the contrivance of Skeeter’s motivations and the creation of her book are both historical wish fulfillment and utter Hollywood hokum.

Still, I’m recommending the film for the fine work of the actors, particularly Davis’ knockout final scene with Howard. Chastain’s work is a joy- her character seems dim at first but tenderly reveals layers of pain and loneliness.

Even as we’re early into the 21st century, the need for films that promote interracial friendships and people standing up to oppression and racism is still immediate.

The Help is uneven but has real fire in its belly. â– barry@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1508f

Where Northern Italy Meets Southern France...

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Sunset Happy Hour Nightly from 5-6:30PM Nightly in the bar and lounge Come join us for special pricing on martinis Zine beer and half oƨ cocNtails Reservations: 879.2224 'oteK 6aiKea Ş *aTJaGi 2treet

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FILM

Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) - PG13 - THU-FRI (3:45), 6:45, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:45), 3:45, 6:45, 9:45. MON-WED (3:45), 6:45, 9:45.

The Change-Up - R - THU-FRI (4:15), 7:15, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:15, 9:50. MON-WED (4:15), 7:15, 9:50.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU-FRI (4:00), 7:00, 9:50. SAT-SUN (12:50), 4:00, 7:00, 9:50.

MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:50.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THUFRI (4:05), 7:05, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:05, 7:05, 9:45. MON-WED (4:05), 7:05, 9:45.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

4:30, 7:00, 9:20.

The Smurfs (3D) - PG - THU 12:40, 3:00, 5:20, 7:50, 10:10.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Cowboys & Aliens - PG13 - FRI-WED 1:30, 2:05, 4:50, 7:30, 10:05.

Final Destination 5 (2D) - R - FRI-WED 11:15, 1:30, 9:50, 6:00, 8:05, 10:15.

The Help - PG13 - FRI-WED 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - FRIWED 10:45, 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10, 10:25.

KA’AHUMANU 6

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) 30 Minutes or Less - R - FRI-WED 11:10, 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:15.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) PG13 - THU 11:30, 2:10, 4:50, 7:30, 10:15.

Captain America: The First Avenger (3D) PG13 - FRI-WED 1:45, 10:10.

Captain America: The First Avenger (T3D) PG - THU 10:40, 1:20, 4:00, 6:40, 9:20. FRI-WED 11:00, 4:30, 7:20.

The Change-Up - R - THU-WED 12:10, 2:35, 5:00, 7:25, 9:50.

Final Destination 5 (3D) - R - FRI-WED 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:10, 10:00.

The Help - PG13 - THU-WED 10:30, 1:25, 4:20, 7:15, 10:10.

The Smurfs (2D) - PG - THU-WED 11:40, 2:00,

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Cowboys & Aliens - PG13 - THU (11:20, 1:00, 1:30, 2:00, 3:45, 4:20, 4:40), 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 9:10, 9:40, 10:10. FRI (1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:05), 6:30, 6:55, 9:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:00, 1:30), 3:45, 4:05, 6:30, 6:55, 9:05, 9:40. MON-WED (1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:05), 6:30, 6:55, 9:05, 9:40.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:40, 4:25), 7:10, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:40), 4:25, 7:10, 10:00. MON-WED (1:40, 4:25), 7:10, 10:00.

Friends with Benefits - R - THU-FRI (1:35, 4:10), 6:50, 9:20. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:10, 6:50, 9:20.

MON-WED (1:35, 3:30), 6:25, 9:35.

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie - PG - FRI (12:30, 2:40, 4:50), 7:00, 9:10. SAT-SUN (12:30, 2:40), 4:50, 7:00, 9:10. MON-WED (12:30, 2:40, 4:50), 7:00, 9:10.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - MON-WED (12:05, 3:00), 6:00, 9:00.

NEW THIS WEEK

us the favor of casting Indiana Jones and James Bond, to boot. 118 min.

30 MINUTES OR LESS - R - Comedy - Directed by Ruben Fleischer. Stars Aziz Ansari, Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride and Nick Swardson.

After all, who else could make murder and bank robbery so hilarious? 98 min.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 - R - Horror - Here’s the secret: If you stay a virgin to this franchise, you’ll live forever. 102 min.

GLEE: THE 3D CONCERT MOVIE - No stampeding, OK? We have a feeling this is going to be in theaters a long, long, long time... While you’re getting gussied up to go out, consider taking Brittany Pierce’s (Heather Morris) advice: “Hairoraphy. It works best when you pretend like you’re being Tasered. (Just) move your head around like you’re spazzing and stuff.... It’s like cool epilepsy.” 90 min.

THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - See this week’s

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (3D) - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:35, 3:30), 6:25, 9:35.

SAT-SUN (12:35), 3:30, 6:25, 9:35. MON-WED (12:35, 3:30), 6:25, 9:35.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (11:15, 11:45, 12:15, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15), 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 9:15, 9:45, 10:15. FRI (12:15, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15), 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 9:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:15, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45), 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 9:15, 9:45.

MON-WED (12:15, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15), 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 9:15, 9:45.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2D) - PG13 - THU (12:10, 3:25). FRI-WED (3:10), 9:30.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (3D) - PG13 THU 6:40, 9:55. FRI-WED (12:00), 6:20.

Winnie the Pooh - G - THU (12:15).

Zookeeper - PG - THU (2:25, 4:35), 7:05, 9:25.

FRI (12:20, 2:25, 4:35), 7:05, 9:25. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:25), 4:35, 7:05, 9:25. MON-WED (12:20, 2:25, 4:35), 7:05, 9:25.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) 30 Minutes or Less - R - FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:35. SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:15, 9:35. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:35.

Cowboys & Aliens - PG13 - THU (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 10:00. FRI-WED (1:30, 4:15), 7:00, 9:45.

Final Destination 5 (2D) - R - FRI (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:05, 9:30.

MON-WED (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:30.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 10:00.

The Smurfs (2D) - PG - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30.

Sam Witwicky, with Markiss McFadden as Lennox Team ‘Baby Face’ (and no, we did not make those names up). 157 min.

LAST CHANCE

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - R- Comedy - Starring the “Dick in a Box” guy and Jackie from “That ‘70s Show” Bonus: Mauian Woody Harrelson!

109 min.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 - PG 13 - Fantasy - Spoiler: this is the one where Harry dies. 140 min.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 - Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min.

HORRIBLE BOSSES - R - Comedy - Live vicariously through Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis. 109 min.

THE SMURFS - PG - Animation - Because anything sweetened with nostalgia must be dredged

WINNIE THE POOH - G - Animated - Oh, do bother to see this movie. 69 min.

up and destroyed. 103 min.

ZOOKEEPER - PG - Comedy - The ever-indecisive Kevin James (of Mall Cop fame), apparently, had a horrible career counselor. Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone and Cher lend their voices.

111 min.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON PG 13 - What?! This isn’t a Pink Floyd laser light show? Well, never mind... Shia LaBeouf stars as

Join us for a

YAPPY HOUR An open treat bar for dogs

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26TH from 4 - 6pm Bring your doggie in and have them sample tons of tasty treats! If the dog in your life won’t be able to make it, just stop by and pick them up a doggie bag for them to enjoy responsibly at home!

Film Critique. 147 min.

NOW SHOWING CAPTAIN AMERICA- THE FIRST AVENGER PG 13 - Action - Sorry, Walt Whitman fans. This movie may look grim and daring, but it isn’t about Abe Lincoln. 124 min.

CARS 2 - PG - Animated - The Pixar Cars are back, this time in Europe because some French race car challenged Lightning McQueen on TV. 120 min.

THE CHANGE-UP - R - Fantasy - Two couldn’tbe-more-dissimilar dudes (Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds) piss into a magic fountain--and wake to find they’ve swapped bodies. “More foul than funny, (it) doesn’t know whether it wants to be a sentimental parable or a filthy yuk fest,” says Barry Wurst II. 105 min.

COWBOYS & ALIENS - PG13 - Spaghetti Sci Fi - About frickin’ time! Director Jon Favreau does

30 MINUTES OR LESS 400 HANA HWY., KAHULUI 893-BARK (2275) t POUCHICOUTURE.COM

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FRIDAY AFTERNOON IS THE MOST POSITIVE, HOPE FILLED PORTION OF THE WEEK. SO HANG OUT WITH JOHNNY A AND SOAK UP THE GREAT VIBES, THE LAUGHTER, THE FREE STUFF, AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL EVER CREATED.

18 AUGUST 11, 2011

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

Wild Dolphin Fete-ish

Franklin’s Funkalicious Tower of Power (Friday) August 12, 8pm-1am, Stella Blues, Kihei; no cover (Friday) August 12, 9:30pm-close, Casanova, Makawao; $15 eadheads rejoice! This Friday (Aug. 12) at Stella Blues Cafe (of course!), celebrate the psychedelic life of the right-middle-fingerless jam band progenitor, Jerry Garcia (it’s the anniversary of his Aug. 9 1995 passing and Aug. 12 funeral), with an evening of Grateful Dead music. Rare Dead recordings will be played (8-8:30pm, 9:30-9:45pm and 10:45-11:15pm) as interludes to sets by The Maui Pranksters (playing electric covers 8:30-9:30pm) and the Haiku Hillbillys (acoustic covers 9:45-10:45pm, and electric covers 11:15pm-1am). It’s a Jerry would go! free show, so your stash can bear to buy extra libations that will keep you loose until the wee hours roll away the dew. (PS: Look, I know “roll[ing] away the dew” is in reference to Ben Franklin’s big bell-casting technology, but you dig what I’m trying to get at, right?) [874-3779; stellablues.com]

Free sand!

D

Saturday (August 13), 9am-12pm, Keawakapu Beach, Kihei; free Friday, Saturday & Sunday (August 12, 13 & 14), War Memorial Gymnasium, Wailuku; $10/$15/$20

he reason no one’s trying to free Willzyx (that’s a South Park reference—not a typo— in case you’re confused) from the aquarium is because Maui County law bans the display of captive cetaceans (i.e. whales, dolphins and porpoises). Passed in 2002, our county was the 17th place in the country to enact such a ban, “which means that Maui County’s dolphins will always live wild and free,” says Greg Kaufman, president and founder of the Pacific Whale Foundation (PWF). “[H]onoring and celebrating the populations of wild dolphins living in the nearshore waters of the three islands of Maui County,” says Kaufman (dolphins living elsewhere can take a hike... kidding!) this weekend the PWF hosts their annual Wild Dolphin Days festivities. The fun begins at Keawakapu beach on Saturday (Aug. 13) with the Wild Dolphin Sand Sculpture Contest, open to individual and group participants of any age. There’s no entry fee, every participant receives a dolphin poster and free dolphin guide, and prizes will be awarded in categories including Most Creative Entry and Funniest Entry. During the judging (by councilmember Don Couch, KAOI radio personality Cindy Paulos and local fine artist Guy Junker—who happens to be responsible for the venerable Eh Brah! guy illustration, among other MauiTime mainstays), a PWF marine naturalist will lecture about wild dolphins and conduct activities. Later that evening (6-7:30pm), another free talk will be held at the Pacific Whale Foundation’s Discovery Center (in the lower level of the Maalaea Harbor Shops complex), sharing the latest findings about wild spinner, bottlenose and spotted dolphins found within our waters. If after all that you’re still eager for more, call 249-8811 and try to snag one of just 20 spots aboard the Wild Dolphin Photo Safari with PWF’s chief scientist, Dr. Daniela Maldini (Sunday, Aug. 14, 6:30-10:30am; $99.95). [pacificwhale.org]

T

Here comes trouble

Let me see your gas face

f instead of the Dead, a la Old Gregg, you’re hankering for a “funky ball of tits from outer space,” (that’s a The Mighty Boosh reference, in case you’re confused), check out Beats Bazaar’s “Funkalicious” event, this Friday (Aug. 12) at Casanova.

To neoteric grooves by The Freeradicals Projekt, plus (Best of Maui winner) DJ Del Sol, DJ Boogiemeister and VJ Douglas Deboer, boogey alongside bikini-clad babes who’ll get funky modeling the fashions of Sara Plesset and Ariana Hornkohl while artist Melissa Bruck paints on-the-spot (a live auction for the bikinis and Bruck’s art concludes the show). Be sure to arrive early because the first 25 party-goers get one of Chef Alikat’s tasty raw chocolate treats and will have a chance to win a bag of raw cacao chocolates compliments of da Chef, via getRAW (trademark) and Cafe OM. (PS: 10 percent of the evening’s profit benefits Community Work Day Program!) [572-0220; casanovamaui.com; beatsbazaar.blogspot.com]

I

olynesian drumming’s visceral infectiousness is unlike anything else. But if you’re a tetanus-wrought tin woman like me—a heartfelt admiration of rhythm notwithstanding—you’re probably still amazed by Polynesian dancers who can shimmy and shake to said drums so facilely. This weekend, witness some of the best Tahitian drummers and dancers compete in the 14th annual Heiva I Maui, otherwise known as Maui’s Tahiti Fete. (Note: Tahiti is the largest isle in French Polynesia—which I think should be renamed Parisian Polynesia, for alliteration’s sake—and “fete” is a French word meaning “festival.”) Hosted each year by local promoter Lolita Eugenio, her ‘ohana and her association, the competition takes place Saturday (Aug. 13) from 10am-4pm. Bookending the main event are concerts by Super Dub Tribe on Friday (Aug. 12), and a special Saturday night (Aug. 13) concert by Uncle Richard Hoopii (7pm) and Mele Pono (8-9pm). And after 9pm that night, the crowd can participate in the filming of three music videos by Mele Pono and Uncle Richard, due for release later this year. [mauitahitifete.com] ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi

P

AUGUST 11, 2011 19

PICKS

BY ANU YAGI

Obey Your Masterworks

Summer Masterworks Chorale comprised of over 60 of Maui’s finest choral singers. [8759920; musicalvoicesmaui.org]

Friday & Saturday (August 12 & 13), 7:30pm, Kihei Baptist Chapel, $15 general/$25 reserved seating

T

his thing called ‘music’... is in some way efficacious to humans, central to human life,� writes Dr. Oliver Sacks in his book Musicophilia (Random House, 2007). “Yet it has no concepts, makes no propositions; it lacks images, symbols... It has no power of representations.

It has no necessary relation to the world... But for virtually all of us, music has great power.�

Performing some of the most powerful musical compositions of classical Western tradition, this weekend (Aug. 12 & 13) Musical Voices Maui presents the Maui Summer Masterworks Festival, highlighting three stunning pieces by Antonio Vivaldi, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Johann Sebastian Bach. Experience this ‘efficaciousness’ for just $15—or $25 for a “sweet spot� seat—on either (or both!) Friday or Saturday night, and enjoy an orchestra under the baton of Robert Wills and the Maui

In the Nickatina of Time Saturday (August 13), 2pm (all ages)/10pm (21+), Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina; $30

R

ap luminary Andre Nickatina (born Andre Adams, FKA Dre Dog) is back on the Valley Isle—this time as a double-feature headliner.

(Most recently he played the Hard Rock touring as Mickey Avalon’s opening act, last December.) Rhyme-pining youngins will be pleased to know there’s an all-ages show on Saturday (Aug.13) at 2pm—the wafting sounds of which, I’m sure, will provide delightful augmentation to White Stag-clad tourists’ Front Street maundering—followed by a 21+ show at

10pm. Rarely granting interviews, Nickatina’s earned an enigmatic rep and has been heralded for his quick wit. One fun fact that digs back to the beginning of Nickatina’s professional career is that his earliest effort The New Jim Jones (a 1993 indie record, then under his nom de plume Dre Dog) was re-released in 2006 without its original, controversial crucifixion cover imagery. If you’re thinking album’s title might reference the rapper Jim Jones, think again.

See, Jones the rapper didn’t debut until 2004 (with On My Way To Church) and Jim Jones the cult leader (who in 1978 coerced more than 900 of his followers to commit suicide in Jonestown, Guyana) is way more famous anyway.

With such a provocative start, it was no holds barred for Nickatina there on out. His followups include I Hate You With A Passion (1995), Tears of Clown (1999) and Conversations with a Devil: Cocaine Raps, Volume 3 (2003); and his latest, Kahn! The Me Generation hits record store shelves last April. [874-8199; hardrockcafe.com / luckymanhawaii.com]

SUNDAY SERIES

SUN. AUG. 14TH

BLUES AND BREWS FEATURING MAUI JAZZ SOCIETY

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PICKS

BY ANU YAGI

Movement of Jah People Saturday (August 13), 9pm-close, Haui’s Life’s A Beach, Kihei; free Put a healthy dose of skank in your step by checking out Maui’s own Jah Residentz, a roots/rock/reggae ensemble returning to gig at Haui’s LAB this Saturday (Aug. 13).

The last time these boys played a funky reggae party, the house was packed (after all, the show’s free), so you’d do well to do-re-mi-fa down to the South side early and lay claim to

your spot on the dance floor. Then again, you’d do well to make home at Haui’s any night of the week—their ongoing entertainment lineup is stacked. Beginning the week on Thursdays (i.e. the alt. weekly world’s Monday) is newly added singer/guitarist Jeff New (4-8pm) followed by reggae-rocker mainstays Rampage (9pm-close). On Fridays, Mondays and Tuesdays, Rick Glencross plays the early sets, with Wednesdays manned by Junior Lacuesta. This week’s late night live music includes Dat Guyz on Friday night, and the aforementioned Jah Residentz concert on Saturday. Plus, you can take the stage yourself with karaoke on Sunday and Monday nights and open mic every Wednesday. [891-8010]

& REQUESTS

MUSIC QUESTS

BY BEN LOWENTHAL

3 2 1

4 5 6 7

8 9 10 11

6 out of

11

JOE JACKSON I’m The Man (A&M Records 1979) Joe Jackson made this album right after his smash-hit debut album Look Sharp! and shortly before taking on more exotic genres in Beat Crazy. Like many second albums, this one has been terribly neglected, which is too bad.

Jackson is that much-needed link between snarky (and at times obnoxious) English punk rockers and the smoother, but somewhat prissy, New Wavers. The best part about I’m The Man is the frenetic energy. There is an urgency in the distorted guitar, hyperactive bass lines, and crisp snare drums smashing through the entire album.

On top of this fast-paced music, the songs introduce us to a very likable character. Jackson portrays himself as a working-class young man who is without a doubt driven. The opening song, “On Your Radio” is a big I-told-you-so to all of those who doubted him in the past (“exfriends, ex-lovers and enemies”).

In “Don’t Want To Be Like That” he proves to be jealous of his privileged counter parts. (“Now the cocaine club says welcome/You’re in college now not school/But I’m sorry to say that I’m going out to work/While you’re going to the swimming pool”). His contempt for middle-class materialism becomes painfully apparent in “Geraldine and John.”

Jackson creates a world revolving around pay checks, moving up in life, and questioning authority. I’m The Man is for that devoted punk-loving troublemaker who is just beginning to wonder what other music is out there. -Ben Lowenthal

The Yardbirds are more than a Rock band... they are an institution... which, in the brief period from 1963 to 1968, made an indelible mark on the “Shapes of Things” to come. To the casual music fan, the Yardbirds are best known as the band that honed the skills of future “guitar gods” Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page; and for their slew of chart hits, including “For Your Love,” “Heart Full of Soul”, “I’m A Man”, and “Over Under Sideways Down”.

This event is a fundraiser for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association.

&RIDAY 3EPTEMBER s PM Maui Arts & Cultural Center - Castle Theater ARTIST INFO, VIDEO & TICKETS: LAZARBEAR.COM - CONCERT INFO HOTLINE 808-896-4845

All albums reviewed in this space are available at Maui’s only record store, Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-9315)

Maui Tickets: MACC Box Office 242-SHOW (7469) or at mauiarts.org

AUGUST 11, 2011 21

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

RESTAURANT

THURSDAY AUGUST 11th

WAVETRAIN

FEATURING GRAMMY WINNER

MARK JOHNSTONE

s 0- / ./ #/6%2 "%&/2% 0FRIDAY AUGUST 12th

THE NORTH SHORE BUZZ! FOLLOWED BY

ERIN SMITH, JAMES BOWERSOX & THE WOLF 0-

SATURDAY AUGUST 13th

THE LAMBSBREAD PLUS MAUI’S OWN

RAS LIL DREAD

& THE FYAH BLAZE BAND,

DJ BOOMSHOT s 0-

BOOKING INFO: JCHERMANMAUI@YAHOO.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

THURSDAY 11 9pm

RAMPAGE

KIHEI’S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

DAT GUYZ KEOLA AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES

JAH RESIDENTZ

FRIDAY 12 9pm

SATURDAY 13 9pm

ROOTS ROCK REGGAE

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT

SUNDAY 14 9pm

KARAOKE

MONDAY 15 9pm

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

JUNIOR LACUESTA

TUESDAY 16 9pm

SMOOTH ISLAND MUSIC $1 TACOS $3 CORONAS $3 CUERVO SHOTS

OPEN MIC

WEDNESDAY 17 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

22 AUGUST 11, 2011

CALENDAR

Da Kine Calendar

BY ANU YAGI

BIG SHOWS MAUI CALLS 2011 - Fri, Aug 12. The MACC’s signature fundraiser gala celebrates its 16th year. Experience fine wine, Hawaiian music by Ahumanu, live and silent auctions and more.

Plus, guests receive a fresh flower lei upon arrival. 21+ only. $175/$195/$250/$500. 6pm.

Yokouchi Pavilion / A&B Amphitheater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MAUI SUMMER MASTERWORKS FESTIVAL - (Two Nights!) Fri & Sat, Aug 12 & 13. Featuring Vivaldi’s concerto for two trumpets, Mozart’s Vespereae solennes de Confessore, J.S. Bach’s KV339 & The Magnicat in D Major BWV243, and more. Performed by an orchestra under the baton of Robert Wills and accompanied by the Maui Summer Masterworks Chorale, comprised of over 60 of Maui’s finest choral singers. Continues on August 13. $15/$25. 7:30pm. Kihei Baptist Chapel, 1655 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 875-9920; musicalvoicesofmaui.org ANDRE NICAKTINA DOUBLE FEATURE - Sat, Aug 12. This rap luminary returns to the Valley Isle with two Saturday night showtimes. See This Week’s Picks for more. $30.

2pm (all-ages) / 10pm (21+). Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 667-7400; luckymanhawaii.com A TRIBUTE TO THE GRATEFUL DEAD WITH THE HAIKU HILLBILLYS AND THE MAUI PRANKSTERS - Sat, Aug 13. Deadheads rejoice! Aligning with the anniversary of Jerry Garcia’s passing, this night of rare Dead tunes and live covers is not-to-be-missed.

See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 8pm1am. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779; stellablues.com BEATS BAZAAR’S “FUNKALICIOUS” EVENT - Sat, Aug 13. Bikini-clad babes boogeying to the live tunes of The Freeradicals Projekt, plus DJs Del Sol and Boogiemeister. Plus, raw chocolate treats by Chef Alikat, live painting and more. Ten percent of profits benefit Community Work Day Maui.

See This Week’s Picks for more. $15. 9pm.

Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220; beatsbazaar.blogspot.com

STAGE MAPA PRESENTS “DAMN YANKEES,” A MUSICAL COMEDY - Every Sun, Fri & Sat through August 21. A Faustian tale of a middle-aged, rabid baseball fan who makes a pact with the Prince of Darkness for a chance to lead his favorite baseball team–the Washington Senators–to victory against the New York Yankees. $25 adults / $22 seniors (62-years-old or better) / $18 students. Maui Tropical Plantation’s Field of Dreams, 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku; 244-8760; mauiacademy.org CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Cirque du Soleil-esque with a uniquely Polynesian twist. Enjoy amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics, illusions, and mind-boggling con-

tortionists. P.S. Did you know the cast, theme and lineup are all-new? Yep. The show now features more daring aerial displaces, the antics of Pepe the Clown, a Mongolian contortionist and a finale featuring The Wheel of Death. Tickets start at $62 (ask about deals for keiki and kama’aina). 6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 667-4540; maui.hyatt.com / cirquepolynesia.com

TICKETS ON SALE NA KOA IKAIKA BASEBALL - Want to root, root, root for the home team? Cheer your heart out at some (or all!) of the 48 home games this season (May through August).

PS: Check out the official Na Koa Ikaika after parties at the Kahului Ale House! VIP seating $13 single/$528 season; stadium seating $9 single/$352 season; general admission $6 single/$220 season; military & keiki $4 single/$176 season. Ichiro “Iron” Maehara Stadium, 700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH JOHN KEAWE - Thu, Aug 18. Grammy Award winner George Kahumoku Jr. hosts Slack Key Masters each month and opens the show with his musical and storytelling talents. Kahumoku’s special guest in August is John Keawe, who has ten popular albums to his credit. Also features hula by Keawe’s lovely wife, Hope. $25 / $25 VIP + applicable fees. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH HENRY KAPONO - Fri, Aug 19. An intimate storytellying concert with the “Wild Hawaiian” himself, Henry Kapono (of C&K fame).

Chee hoo! $25 / $25 VIP + applicable fees. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org OWAILA - Fri, Aug 19. Don’t. Miss. This. OK? Also, Owaila is joined by concert openers Visibly Shaken (who might have the coolest summer tour T-shirt, well, ever). $5 advance / $7 door. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779; stellablues.com AMERICA - Fri, Aug 26. American you dig it? Fans of the band will be pleased to know that Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell are headed to the Valley Isle. The group is as active as ever, playing over 100 live shows worldwide per year and is due to release their new album “Back Pages” July 26. A Tom Moffatt production. MACC member discounts available. $35 / $50 / $65. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SPIN DOCTORS - Sat, Aug 20. The two princes who adore you will have to compete to see who gets to be your date at the Spin Doctors concert, live under the stars. $55. 8pm.

Royal Lahaina Resort, 2780 Kekaa Dr., Lahaina; 1-877-GROOV (47668); groovetikets.com SOLO SESSIONS WITH BENJAMIN VERDERY - Thu, Aug 25. The New York Times calls Benjamin Verdery “iconoclastic” and “inventive.” Not too shabby, eh? But it

makes sense for a six stringer and prolific composer who’s played worldwide, including at the International Guitar Festival (Havana, Cuba), Wigmore Hall (England) and the Metropolitan Opera (New York City). $25 / $45 VIP. 7:30 pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org PROARTS PRESENTS “SOCIAL SECURITY” - Fri, Sat, & Sun, Sept 2-18. Trendy art gallery owners Barbara and David have their life upended when Barbara’s uptight sister and brother-in-law, deposit their eccentric mother on the couple’s doorstep. And this, just when they’re off to Buffalo to rescue their sexually precocious daughter. Sure to be a laugh-out-loud show. Directed by Kristi Scott.

Produced by Jonathan Lehman. $15/$20.

7:30pm Fridays and Saturdays/3pm Sundays. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center, 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com WANDA SYKES - Fri, Sept 9. I love her best in her role as Biggie Shortie in “Pootie Tang” (2001). Tickets go on sale Friday, July 15 at 10am. See you there! $56 / $66 / $76.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org THE YARDBIRDS - Fri, Sept 16. These Rock and Roll Hall of Famers play a benefit for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association’s Junior Lifeguard Program. $35-$55. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SIGN-UP NOW: THE MAUI GO RED FOR WOMEN AMBASSADOR 5K WALK - Help raise awareness about the high rate and severity of heart disease in women. Sponsored

by Maui Tacos. $25. 7am. Whalers Village, Kaanapali; mauimarathonhawaii.com MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FESTIVAL - Thu through Sun, Sept 22-25. Featuring folks like Les McCann, Jevon Jackson, Tom Scott, Brian Stoltz, Skip Martin, Brittni Paiva, Henry Allen and more. The weekend of events kicks off Thursday (Sept 22) at Stella Blues with SLAM and special guests, continues on Friday (Sept 23) with a VIP jazz dinner at the Grand Wailea’s Grand Dining Room, gets hot and heavy on Saturday (Sept 24) at the Grand’s oceanfront Molokini Garden, and wraps up on Sunday (Sept 25) with a special jazz brunch. Special room packages available.

875-1234; mauijazzandbluesfestival.com BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF MAUI BENEFIT GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Oct 8. Register your four-player team for this scrambleformat tourney. Includes a deluxe goodie bag, awards and prizes, and lunch at Cafe O’Lei at the Dunes at Maui Lani. Shotgun start at 7:30am. 242-4363 ext. 322; bgcmaui.org CAKE - Sun, Oct 23. Cake! That is all. You’re welcome. MACC members’ pre-sale privileges continue through Aug 5. General sales thereafter. $39 / $49 / $89. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469) MAUI MOVIE PREMIERES: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” AND “IN LOVE WITH THE MYSTERY” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

08/11

08/12

08/13

08/14

08/15 - 08/17

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ Q103’s Shaggy & DJ Jamn J, 9pm; no cover

Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ C, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J 10pm; $10

Rock & Roll Night w/ DJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ 10pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 9pm

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause;/ TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

Beats Bazaar: “Funkalicious” feat. The Freeradicals Projekt, DJ Del Sol and DJ Boogiemeister, 9pm; $15

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DA KITCHEN, LAHAINA

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

TUE - Willi K Ware House Blues, 9pm; $10 / WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

Wavetrain 9pm; $5

Erin Smith, James Bowersox, and Wolf 8pm

The Lambsbread, Ras Lil Dread, The Fiyah Blaze Band and DJ Boomshot 9pm, $10

Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Ryan Palma, 7:30-10pm (no cover)

Ladies’ Night 10pm-close

Hip Hop Night 10pm-close

Open Mic/Hip Hop Night 10pm-close

Open Mic / Talent Show 5:30-8:30pm

MON - Magic Mondays 6:30-8:30pm / WED - Live Music 5:30-8:30pm

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf 6-8pm

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf, 6-8pm

Friday’s in the Sky Lounge w/ DJ CIA 8pm-12am

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover

Mango Pickers 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Jordan / TUE - Daniel / WED - Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

NFL, Karoke & Free Pool Night

NFL, Karaoke & Darts

Karoke & Darts

Karaoke & Darts

MON - NFL / WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music, 9pm-close; no cover

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

Andre Nickatina 2pm (all ages) / 10pm (21+); $30

Live Music

Live Music

MON through WED - Live Music

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

debut of these new movies directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee.com/in-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

FOODIE FARM TO TABLE AT HUMU - Continuing from Sun, Aug 7 through Sat, Aug 13. Look, I don’t need to tell you foodies that lusting for locavore is all the rage. Nor do I need to tell you that Humu’s three-course Farm-to-Table dinner is a tasty way to explore tongue treats, homegrown style. Grand Wailea Resort, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 875-1234 ext. 4900 VEGETABLE GARDEN DESIGN & CARE WORKSHOP - Sat, Aug 13. Grow your own garden yummies. At this workshop, learn the basics of vegetable garden design and creation, with tips on plant propagation, organic fertilization, soil building, composting, irrigation and more. Call or e-mail to register. $60.

572-3067; evanryan@hotmail.com INTRO TO ORGANIC GARDENING - Sat, Aug 13. Lisa Hotchkiss instructs on how to use organic fertilizers (vs. conventional fertilizers), the importance of organic and heirloom seeds, soil building and how to create nutrient-rich soil, and controlling pests the organic way. Call to register. $15. 11am-1pm. Hale Akua Garden Farm, 110 Door of Faith Rd., Haiku; 572-9300; haleakuagardenfarm.com VINEYARD FOOD COMPANY DEBUT DINNER - Sat, Aug 13. “After months of cleaning, renovating and cleaning some

more” this sweet Wailuku eatery has expanded their offerings and dining area. To celebrate, they’re premiering their Pop-Up events with a special four course dinner plus dessert. $65. 7pm prompt. Vineyard Food Company, 1951 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku; 243-3663 for reservations (a must!)

ANNOUNCEMENTS REGISTER NOW: 15TH ANNUAL MAUI YOUTH ‘UKULELE PLAYERS CONTEST - Calling all amateur ‘ukulele players and Hawaiian music enthusiasts! Kindergarten keiki through high school seniors are invited to strum, pick and sing their way down to Hula Grill for the restaurant’s 15th Annual Youth Ukulele Players Contest (Saturday, September 17). Compete for prizes (everyone gets something) and bragging rights in solo and group divisions. Judges include Grammy-and Na Hoku Hanohano Award-winners Peter DeAquino, Derick Sebastian, and Garrett Probst (all of whom are prodigies/proteges of this very contest)! Advance registration is required (deadline September 10; $15 fee includes breakfast and Hula Grill souvenir), with entry forms available at Bounty Music, Mele Ukulele and online at hulagrillkaanapali. com. Check-in runs from 8-8:30am followed but a keiki uke workshop. The competition begins at 10am. Plus, the contest will be videorecorded and broadcast by the event’s media sponsor, Hawaii On TV (hawaiiontv.com)! $15 fee includes breakfast and Hula Grill souvenir. Hula Grill, Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina; 667-6636; hulagrill.com

23RD ANNUAL LAHAINA POSTER CONTEST - Deadline: (Friday) September 2, 2011. Winning art becomes the official, limited edition Lahaina poster for 2012 (hmm...

Front St. apocalypse a la Clint Eastwood, anyone?) and the artist receives a $2,500 cash prize. For more information, click around the Lahaina Town Action Committee website (visitlahaina.com) or call Lynn Donavan at 667-9175.

EVENTS

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11 OCEAN CRAFTS FOR KEIKI - Take your kids to the aquarium create neat sea creature crafts on Aug 11, 17, 22, and 29. Free with admission. 11am-2pm. Maui Ocean Center’s Marine Mammal Discovery Center, Maalaea; 270-7088; mauioceancenter.com

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12 LAHAINA HONGWANJI MISSION OBON FESTIVAL - Get out your getas and hop into your happi coats! This summertime series of festivals is nearly at its end--don’t miss out!

Continued on Saturday (Aug. 13). Service begins at 6pm. Dance begins at 7:30pm.

Lahaina Hongwanji Mission, 682 Luakini St., Lahaina; 661-0640 14TH ANNUAL HEIVA I MAUI (I.E. MAUI’S TAHITI FETE) - This Tahitian drumming and dance competition kicks off with a concert

by Super Dub Tribe. (PS: See Saturday’s events and This Week’s Picks for more.) $10/$15/$20. War Memorial Gymnasium, 700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku; mauitahitifete. com DAMON WILLIAMS CD RELEASE PARTY

& OFFICIAL AFTER-PARTY OF THE SUMMER REGGAE JAM 2011 - Performances by Kua Aina, An Den, Damon Williams and more. $10 with concert ticket stub / $15. 10pmclose. Lulu’s Lahaina, Lahaina Cannery Mall; 661-0808

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13 ANNUAL WILD DOLPHIN SAND SCULPTURE CONTEST - Held at the North end of Keawakapu Beach, this beloved annual event is open to individual and group participants.

Everyone gets something just for participating, and juried prizes include free tickets to PWF cruises and events, marine wildlife posters and books, and much more. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 8am-12pm. Pacific Whale Foundation; 249-8977; pacificwhale.org USED BOOK SALE - The Maui Friends of the Library is hanging out at the Maui Mall selling a unique selection of fiction, non-fiction and oversized books. All proceeds help support Maui public libraries. 9am-2pm. Whole Foods Market, Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 878-3836 VOLCOM’S DUSTY STORE CELEBRATION WITH DUSTY PAYNE - Dusty Payne’s hot stuff. Hang out with him and the Volcom crew, plus enjoy a live performance

by Nectar Collector, free food and drinks and tons of prizes. Follows The Blowfish Surf Contest. Free. 5pm. Volcom, 701 Front St., Lahaina; 661-0960 LAHAINA HONGWANJI MISSION OBON FESTIVAL - Continued from Friday (Aug. 12). Service begins at 6pm. Dance begins at 7:30pm. Lahaina Hongwanji Mission, 682 Luakini St., Lahaina; 661-0640 HOT LEGS IN THE CITY - Lush Handmade

AUGUST 11, 2011 23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

08/11

08/12

08/13

08/14

08/15 - 08/17

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Danny Estocado, 3:30pm / Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

1810, 6:30-8:30pm / Scotty & Howard, 8-10pm

JD on the Rocks 8-10pm

Ben & Glenn 8-10pm

Willie K, 3-5pm / Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

MON through WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Live Music & Dancing

Louise Lambert & Phil Smith, 8-10:30pm / DJ Canespider, 11pm-close

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-10pm DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; no cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Manino, 7:30-11 pm

Howard Ahia 6-8pm; no cover

Damon Williams CD Release Party & Official After Party of the Summer Reggae Jam 2011 10pm; $10/$15

Status Party feat. DJ Twizy, DJ Jem and DJ Treb, plus Philly Blunt & Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Kenny Roberts

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm-12am / WED Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover)

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

MOANA CAFE

Phil & Angie Benoit

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S LAHAINA

DJ Music

TUE - Open Mic Night

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

MON through WED - Live Music

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9pm-12am

Lily Meola, 6:30-8:30pm / Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm

The Celtic Tigers w/ Roger McKinley / 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-9:30pm; Rocking the ‘80s Party 10pm-12am / TUE - Joe Benedett, 6:30-8:30pm / WED - Willie K, 7-9pm

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

Mauimusicmecca Special Guest DJ,10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

Verbal Assaults Rap Battle 9pm

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

Cosmetics invites you to their “Leggy GaGa” themed leg and foot party--the perfect thing for a hot summer night in Lahaina town. Exfoliate and smooth legs to protected perfection, and scrub, deodorize and refresh your feet. Tons of free giveaways, too. Free. 1-5pm. Lush Handmade Cosmetics, 713 Front St., Lahaina; 6611199; facebook.com/lushfrontst 14TH ANNUAL HEIVA I MAUI (I.E. MAUI’S TAHITI FETE) - This stunning Tahitian drumming and dance competition (10am-4pm) is a vibrant on-isle tradition--perfect for practitioners and curious spectators alike. Followed by concerts and live recording of music videos by Uncle Richard Hoopii and Mele Pono (7pm).

See This Week’s Picks for more. $10/$15/$20.

War Memorial Gymnasium, 700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku; mauitahitifete.com JAH RESIDENTS - A free concert with a Maui-based roots/rock/reggae band. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 9pm. Haui’s Life’s A Beach, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-8010

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14 WILD DOLPHIN PHOTO SAFARI - Join the Pacific Whale Foundation’s Dr. Daniela Maldini for a photographic excursion on the high seas. Only 20 spots available. See This Week’s Picks for more. $99.95. 6:3010:30am. Departs from Lahaina Harbor. 2498811; pacificwhale.org PET-A-PALOOZA - There are kitties and canines who need loving na ‘ohana. Check out

24 AUGUST 11, 2011

this special, weekly open house and find your new best friend. Free. 11:30am-2:30pm. Maui Humane Society, 1350 Meha Meha Loop, Puunene; 877-3680; mauihumanesociety.org ART-BQ - Fine artist extraordinaire Guy Junker hosts a cool barbeque with free food and a showcase of new works. Check it out! Free.

6:30pm. Guy Junker Art Studio, 1066 Kupuohi St. B-1, Lahaina; 661-0923; guyjunker.com

MONDAY, AUGUST 15 SATSANG WITH SRI PREM BABA - Hang out with this visiting spiritual master of of the Sachcha lineage in India. $20. 7pm. The Studio Maui, 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku; thestudiomaui.com

TUESDAY, AUGUST 16 WORKSHOP WITH SRI PREM BABA - A self-realization workshop focused on “transforming barriers” with meditation, transmission of knowledge, mantras and more. With Sri Prem Baba, a spiritual master of the Sachcha lineage in India. $80 advance/$95 dayof. 10am-1pm and 3-6pm. The Studio Maui, 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku; thestudiomaui.com WELCOME RECEPTION FOR YANGSI KALU RINPOCHE - Join the Maui Dharma Center in welcoming back Tibetan Buddhist master, Yangsi Kalu Rinpoche. Events continue through Aug 18. Free (donations gratefully accepted). 7-8:30pm. Maui Dharma Center, 81 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8076; mauidharma.org

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Enjoy an island-style concert in the courtyard; plus gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. This week, Oahu’s Bobby Moderow Jr. plays contemporary Hawaiian and slack-key guitar. Free. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 897-6770 ext. 2; shopsatwailea.com “FREE YOUR HEART, FREE YOUR MIND” - A dharma talk presented by Tibetan Buddhist master, Yangsi Kalu Rinpoche. Events continue through Aug 18. Free (donations gratefully accepted). 6:30pm doors/7-9pm presentation. Iao Theater, 69 N. Market St., Wailuku; 579-8076; mauidharma.org SLACK KEY SHOW: MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC - Every Wednesday, George Kahumoku Jr. hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series. Co-hosted by Da Ukulele Boyz, a different guest artist is featured each week. Dinner/show package available with Sea House Restaurant (adjacent to the concert hall; 5:30pm seating). $39.99. 7:309:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion, 5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili; 669-3858; slackkey.com / napilikai.com

8:30pm; Sun, Indapkt 3-6pm. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0937.

COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:3010pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live Jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Ryan Palma 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908.

DA KITCHEN - Every Sun, Open Mic & Talent Contest 5:30-8:30pm; Every Mon, Magic Monday 6:30-8:30pm; Every Wed, Live Music 5:30-8:30pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990.

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Fri, Friday Nights in the Sky Lounge withDJ CIA 8pm-12am; Every Sun & Mon, Kama’aina Nights w/ Wolf 6-8pm. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 662-3000 DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900.

WEST MAUI

HARD ROCK CAFE - Thu, All-ages Open Mic Night 9pm; Fri-Wed, Live Music. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7400.

CANOES - Fri & Sat, Ras Shaggai 5:30-

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SCOREBOARDS 1445 S. Kihei Rd. , Kihei -

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Haiku Hillbillys 6-10pm; no cover

Mango Pickers 8-11pm; no cover

Merv Oana 9pm-12am; no cover

Clay Mortensen 8-11pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic Night, 6pm-close / TUE Service Industry Night + Karaoke, 7-10pm / WED - Ladies Night feat. Blues Spirit of Maui, 8-11pm

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night / Karaoke 7pm-close; no cover

Sweet Spot 8-11pm; no cover

Karaoke & Free Pool Night 8pm/12am; no cover

Danny Estocado 3pm

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Pool League / WED - Free Pool Night

Ah Tim

Ahumanu

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Maui Underground 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

Vince Esquire Band 9pm

Gomega & Kanekoa 9pm

Coyote Ugly w/ DJ Joe Cortez

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover Next Level Entertainment 10pm

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

TUE - Sushi Tuesdays w/ DJ CIA / WED - Stand Up Comedy Night

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

Live Music 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, The Chris and Mary Jane Xperiment; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm).

3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787.

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Thu, Joel Katz 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and hula by his daughter, Sarah Kakugawa 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Evan Shulman 6:30-9pm.

2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett & Wilson 3-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 3-5pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm. 888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 9am-12pm; Every Mon, Junior 6-8pm. Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400.

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S LAHAINA Every Thu through Wed, Live Music. 844 Front

26 AUGUST 11, 2011

WED - Eddie & The Promises 8:30-11:30pm; $3 Gina Martinelli Band

Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Tarvin 6:30-9pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:30-3:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30-3:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

KIMO’S - Sun, Willie K 3-5pm; Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Ben & Glenn 8-10pm; Fri, JD on the Rocks 8-10pm. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm; SLAM feat. David Choy, 6-9pm

ONO BAR & GRILL - Thu & Tue, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Kealii Lum; Sun, Mitch Keppa; Wed, Scott Baird (all sets 6-9pm). Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 667-2525.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Weed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo & Friends 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause 8pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (August is vampire month! This week: “Bram Stocker’s Dracula”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 8792224.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon &Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan RobMon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955.

LULU’S KIHEI - Every Thu & Fri, Live music

and dancing; Every Sat, Easy Listening with Neto 8-10pm; Every Sun & Wed, Karaoke with Manino 7:30-11pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-9944.

MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm.

760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 7-8:30 pm; Fri, Lily Meola 6:30-8:30 pm; Sat, Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, SLAM feat.

David Choy & Clay Mortensen 6:30-9:30; Tue, Joe Benedett 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Phil & Angie Benoit 5:30-7:30pm. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 879-7177.

SCOREBOARDS - Thu, Haiku Hillbillys 6-10pm; Fri, Mango Pickers 8-11pm; Sat, Merv Oana 9pm-12am; Sun, Clay Mortensen 8-11pm; Mon, Open Mic Night 6pm-close; Tue, Karaoke 7-10pm; Wed, Blues Spirit of Maui 8-11pm. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei SHARKY’S - Thu, Jordan Fun 5:30-9pm; Every Fri, Dress Like A Pirate Night 5:30-9pm; Tue, Karaoke Contest with DJ Jay 5:30-9pm.

Lipoa Center, 41 E. Lipoa St. Ste. 15, Kihei, 874-5115.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy 7-10pm. 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, live music - Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. 2395

S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 875-2910.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 875-8080.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Thu, Vince Esquire Band 8pm; Every Sun, Gina Martinelli Band; Every Tue, Sushi Tuesdays w/ DJ CIA; Every Wed, Stand Up Comedy Night. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.)

2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil & Angela Benoit 5:30-8:30pm. 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 877-0773.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323.

KULA LODGE - Sat & Sun, Jazz music. 15200 Haleakala Hwy., Kula, 878-1535.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Fri & Sat, live music 6-8pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 5732859.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Open Mic Night 6pm. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia,

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AUGUST 11, 2011 27

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KULA KID

Across The Lines Of Straighter Darker Trees

BY ANU YAGI Because a cynic told me the best is yet to come.

-The Rapture, “Down So Long” (Pieces of the People We Love, 2006)

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I

’ve clocked many days in ‘Iao Valley, but the scorched day in question shot vapors of decocting detritus up over the ridges’ edges like rapids upended.

Gorgeous but foreboding, everything and nothing was right. Maybe it was the heat (which I guess really wasn’t so bad, for August, but it was hotter than it’d been in awhile so I humored the baked road enough to rename it for a day: Fata Morgana).

So though already in the Promised Land, I wandered “de roads of creation” praying to Bobs Marley and Dobbs.

And albeit being clam-happy, I was as anxious as a poor kid waking-up to Christmas, sanguine despite having precious little to hope for.

But then, a miracle! And one better than Pollyanna’s mission-barrel crutches: the fuel-injected apparition of a strange, sage man.

Umber bare feet, terracotta T-shirt and the precise mannerisms of my mother’s brother salved with my father’s friend’s round tone. I knew this wild-haired man like an uncle–but I did not. Not at all. He was like a quilted dreamtime stranger pieced of people I knew well enough to plagiarize in REM. Yet he was there, standing in front of me, livid and lecturing. At least, I think he was. Because from the first moment I saw him, I began to suspect I’d conjured him just to tell me a few things I needed to hear and learn.

But that’s crazy, even for the likes of me.

See, I’ve long cleaved to the mangled, misappropriated adage that only crazy people claim they aren’t. So in desperation I’ve made it my mantra, “Yeah! I’m batshit!” in the hope that it might not be true (though it is). However, when it comes to reverse psychology, I worry about self-fulfilling prophecies; and when talking to this man I was exhausted from exercising the pains of Frost’s filled cup, “up to the brim and even above the brim.”

The closest he ever came to facing me was perpendicularly. He would not tell me his name. Pleasantries were replaced with cryptic warnings to not blab about our encounter from my soapboxes (artful ambiguity notwithstanding, I hope).

When the conversation crested and plunged again to strike bone, a sudden redness inked his sclera and he made his verbal advance.

“It’s people like you who think you can tell us guys about [this or that]!” he croaked.

People like me? What kind of people am I? Who’s you guys? I don’t think I

tell anyone about [this or that].

“It’s people like you who think you know everything about [this or that]!” he crowed.

I don’t think I know anything about [this or that]. And whatever little I think I know isn’t mutually exclusive of what anyone else thinks they know.

“Just love,” he said.

Am I not loving?

“Just love,” he said like a stone.

OK. And all the meanwhile he schooled me. He schooled me like a truant trapped in a summer session of miseducation, “singing my life with his words.”

Look, I pride myself in unabashed self-depreciation. (It’s my river MO, if you haven’t noticed.) But braddah cut deep where I needed letting, and I bled in ways I can’t bear to divulge here. So, dear readers, I hope me-and-this-man’s most superficial moment illustrates one of the ways I found myself wanting: “If you see a kid in line at the store,” he told me, “and the parents are telling him they can’t afford the thing he wants–buy it for him. Give him quarters for the gumball machine.”

Oh, yes. Gumball machines are my favorite, I said. If I see keiki looking longing, I’ll stick the quarters in the slots and walk away.

“Don’t do that!” he chided my socalled Samaritan sly. “You’re placing him in a moral dilemma where he must assume and steal to get what he wants!

Put the money in his hand and he can instead choose to save or spend.”

Ouch.

OK. A few days later I met Mr. Blue. He’s a fan (if I can dare such boastful words) who’s been trying to give me a rather thoughtful “artifact” for sometime now, and I finally made some time.

In the course of our long talk, Mr. Blue stitched up those aforementioned wounds-I-won’t-speak-of with horribly kind words that would rot me to repeat; and in so doing he shared his Matrixesque philosophy.

He professed that he was a figment of my imagination–and I a figment of his.

Merrily, merrily and whatnot. And to quote The Universe Is A Dream, a book I’m reading by his suggestion, “You are a mind lost in a dream of duality—a dream that [was] dreamt in opposition to nonduality.”

But that’s crazy, even for the likes of me.

Still, I remembered the valley sage and thought, OK. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1508k

anu@mauitime.com

28 AUGUST 11, 2011

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Don’t let your ego get too inflated by all the cheerful happy birthday wishes you got on Facebook. They’re relatively meaningless. I read an article about a writer who celebrated three Facebook birthdays in a month, to see how many people would notice, and how many would simply automatically send him a birthday wish all three times. Almost no one took note, and many sent him nearly identical messages each time. So much of what comes your way these days is pretty devoid of any real sentiment or meaning—including the negative stuff. Remembering that, and not taking any of it personally, will go a long way towards making you a happier person this week.

you need to evolve is more like a business than a bird. Start thinking outside the box, now—before the box disappears.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7

1. C. An F3F biplane carrier fighter that dated to the late 1930s.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Your mantra this week is very simple: “This too, shall pass.”

Change, of course, is the essence of life. That can be bewildering, but when things suck, it’s also comforting. Knowing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see (or on some level, even believe) it should help you carry on. In the meantime, if you could use help coping with your situation right now, ask for it. Sure, these are hard times for everyone, but many angelic people actually take comfort in helping others.

Let them help you, please.

2. E. All of the above 3. A. True

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

It’s so easy for people to buy into the whole “what s/he doesn’t know can’t hurt,” philosophy, particular when it pertains to something they’d rather keep secret. They might even be right, assuming two things: 1.This thing is definitely and permanently in the past, with no inconvenient ghosts that might come back to haunt both of you, and 2.You never, ever find out. Discovering someone’s secret, and the lies they used to keep it, can feel like a terrible betrayal, negatively compounding any horrible revelation. Before you, too, ascribe to this idea, be absolutely sure both conditions will be met. If they won’t, it’s better to come clean, right away.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Sometimes, when you have a problem, you just have to suck it up, deal, and get the hell over it, because your problem is either not as big as you think it is, or not as bad as the ones you’d suddenly be subject to if you chose to address it. Do you really feel like adding to the heap of someone else’s troubles by bringing up this supposed quandary of yours? What are you going to do if they decide that you’re the problem, instead? No matter how that plays out, most scenarios end up with you in worse difficulty, and less happy. Figure out how to get past this on your own.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

So many of our social conventions are completely arbitrary and artificial. Why, for instance, is one particular finger (our middle one) so offensive? Only because we choose to interpret it that way. Refuting these whenever convenient is very liberating, and demonstrates just how powerless they really are without your complete cooperation. Allowing this stuff to have an effect on you is a choice. If you don’t want it to, it can’t bother you. Realizing that—and keeping it in mind—will have a magnificently potent effect on the sum total of your joy and serenity this week.

Although life so rarely resembles fairy tales, especially the “happily ever after” bits, fairy tale villains seem to crop up with surprising regularity. Wicked parents, vicious trolls (both on- and off-line), and conniving witches don’t just make appearances at Halloween but, in fact, all the time. It’s usually best to keep yourself out of their storylines, when possible, but occasionally there’s nothing for it but to step in, especially when you have a chance to spare an innocent some suffering.

In those cases, you needn’t play the fairy tale hero (although some might view you as such, anyway). Just do what you can.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Overreactions may simply be the name of the game this week.

However, the worst thing you could do would be to point them out; that would just escalate this exaggerated molehill from bunny slope to double black diamond mountain; something dramatically more treacherous and difficult to navigate. Instead, you must simply try to keep a calm head and wait out the storm; it will pass…eventually. It may be tempting to throw caution to the winds (“If they can get pissed over nothing, damn it, so can I!”), but I’d strongly advise against it. Someone’s got to be the bigger person here—and that someone is you.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Money complicates things, and in most of your relationships, it’s best to simply keep it out of the picture entirely. However, certain connections—particularly live-in, romantic ones—require, at some point, frank discussions about who’s going to pay for what, how money will be handled, and so on, in order to prevent drama and difficulty further down the line. These are not romantic things to talk about, nor particularly fun, but neglecting them will only cause problems (and get in the way of romance) later. Since this week is a good one for such a chat, go ahead and have it, if any of this mundane stuff is still sitting around unresolved.

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SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

While losing your job or your lover—or experiencing another setback—sucks, the worst thing you can do is become a depressed recluse because of it. The only way to move on from such crappy places is to shake them off as best you can, rally yourself, and get out there into the world, putting on the happiest face possible. Cultivate optimism like a rare, delicate, and precious orchid. That may be easier said than done, I know, but nevertheless that’s the intention you need to hold in your mind as you move on from here.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they don’t deserve it can really get you into hot shit, Gemini. Thus I can understand why you’re tempted to call “Shenanigans!” on this one and see what happens. However, not granting the benefit of the doubt to someone who does deserve it is a truly douchebag move, one you’d have a hard time forgiving yourself for, later.

Although admittedly a lousy pair of options, wouldn’t it still be better to get fooled or taken advantage of than to find yourself stomping all over someone who’s already down?

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Bookstores are becoming a very rare thing; not only are people reading fewer books, but when shopping for them they often use online retailers and more and more frequently buy e-books rather than the paper kind. I think the only way for this endangered retail species to survive is to evolve—to provide an experience for their shoppers, since they almost certainly can’t match the prices and variety provided by their online competition. Those that fail to adapt to changing conditions will go as extinct as the dodo. Why mention this? Because evolution isn’t just something that happens in nature, and because the thing

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

One of my heroes, Dan Savage, came up with the term “monogamish” to describe couples who are mostly monogamous, but may have a loophole or two built into their relationship, probably in order to preserve its long-term viability. Making up new words, standards, and rules to suit your life, specifically, is something I heartily and cheerfully encourage, Cancer, since the ones handed down to you from whoever (generations past, society in general, etc) aren’t really doing you much good. Take a cue from Dan, and make some shit up that works for you and yours.

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