15.05 Road Rage Maui Style, July 21, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 5, MauiTime

JULY 21, 2011 ✚ VOLUME 15 ✚ ISSUE 05 ✚ FREE

NEWS: GOV LOVES FISH FARMS P. 9 DINING: THE BUZZ ABOUT BUZZS’ WHARF P. 13

ROAD RAGE, MAUI-STYLE

EH E H BRAH TAKES ON MAUI’S WILD ROADS P. 10

A&E: RELAX WITH DAVID CHOY P.17

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Contents VOLUME 15

✚

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What gives you road rage?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Drivers who don’t know where they’re going Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter When cigs fly Proofreader: Dina Wilson Other people speeding

ISSUE 05

Coconut Wireless wonders if the island is falling apart. Quizunderstood asks about public schools and Koreans.

News of the Weird details the worst birthday ever. Sammy Hagar helps kids in the MauiSphere. Then we find out why our gov suddenly loves fish farms.

10 FEATURE STORY

Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II

It’s our annual Eh Brah! feature issue.

You guys hate driving and drivers, but you sure love writing about it. With a truckload of new cartoons by Ron Pitts.

Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com

13 FOOD & DRINK

Art Director: Scrappers scrappers@mauitime.com / scrapperstown.com Juggling unicyclists

Jen Russo dishes on Buzz’s Wharf and then gives the rundown on the Royal Lahaina’s Mai Tai competition in Pau Hana.

Intern: Keo Eaton

Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Steroid abuse General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Male drivers Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Female drivers Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Cops driving like idiots

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved.

Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui.

4 NEWS & VIEWS

17 A&E Anu Yagi relaxes with the jazz stylings of David Choy. Ben Lowenthal scores The Beastie Boys.

Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.

18 FILM CRITIQUE Barry Wurst II says Tree of Life is a gigantic masterpiece of a movie.

19 Film Capsules/Listings

20 THIS WEEK’S PICKS There’s a Menage a Trois thing at Three’s, Outdoor Movie Night at the Lahaina Gateway, a boutique party in Paia Town and a uke festival on Lanai.

22 Da Kine Calendar 23 Grid

28 BACK PAGES Kula Kid goes camping. Sign Language wants Capricorns to just say it.

30 Classified 31 Mind, Body & Spirit

ON THE COVER: Illustration by Ron Pitts

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BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

NEWS&VIEWS

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro on Twitter

Coconut Wireless

NEWS BRIEFS

MAUIPOCALYPSE Is it just me, or is the island falling apart? I’m not talking about coconuts falling off trees or beach sand wafting across South Kihei Road or even a portion of Haleakala suddenly breaking off and sliding into the ocean-those are normal events that take place in the evolution of volcanic islands. No, I’m speaking of a sudden rash of infrastructure failures in the Wailuku area.

A brief timeline is in order. On the afternoon of Monday, July 11, Ryan Piros, the assistant communications director for the County of Maui, announced that officials had just discovered that at some point over the weekend (or perhaps earlier) the entire county voicemail system broke. Something about a “corrupted hard drive” that would “take at least two days to repair” was the closest thing to an explanation we got.

Minutes later (I’m not kidding here), Piros sent a new announcement that the county was reopening the upper tennis and basketball courts at Wells Park in Wailuku.

The courts had been closed three days for some unscheduled maintenance.

“Workers had to remove nine light poles from the tennis and basketball court areas after two poles came crashing down on Friday, July 8th,” Piros said in the statement.

“The nine poles were said to be in the same rusted condition as the first two that came down and were removed as a precaution.”

Two days later, during the early morning hours of Wednesday, July 13, a few emergency doomsday sirens in Wailuku went off for no particular reason. The sirens, Piros noted in a subsequent news release, “alarm[ed] many Wailuku residents.”

I should say so. Apparently, the problem was that the sirens were really old. “The source of these siren malfunctions has not been determined,” Piros wrote. “However it was noted by Civil Defense officials that all the sirens that went off were older models which are already scheduled to be upgraded as part of a statewide modernization program.”

So at least as far as the warning sirens are concerned, officials have the rot and degradation under control. Mostly.

PAYPAL FOUNDER PAID WHAT? Who said anything about the housing market suffering on Maui? At least, times are still good in Makena. That’s where Peter Thiel, the co-founder of PayPal, just bought a house. According to a July 15 story in Pacific Business News, Thiel paid an historic $27 million for the 4,500 square-foot house (located on 1.7 prime, prime coastal acres).

It’s the largest sale price for a single-family home in Maui history, PBN added.

And it’s not like Thiel got a great deal on a foreclosure, either. The previous owner bought the place back in 2006 for $19.2 million.

4

JULY 21 , 2011

Those lights work better when they're standing up.

No word on whether Thiel used his own service to pay for the home.

MOVE THIS! And now a personal note, if you’ll permit me. Just like to give a shout-out to the good folks at Cardinal Moving Systems (part of Phoenix-based First USA Vanlines). They were the movers my girlfriend and I chose to move 150 cubic feet worth of our stuff from Northern California to Maui. And you know what, for the most part, it was a good move.

The movers in both California and Maui were courteous and helpful. They gavee us bubble wrap when they could

have easily charged us, and ran our credit card without additional charge even though their paperwork said we needed to pay in a cashier’s check at time of delivery. And our stuff arrived exactly as we packed it, with no damage worth mentioning.

One thing though: what was up with that coupon you gave us? When I booked the move, the CMS sales guy emailed me a $100-off coupon and said to print it out and give it to the movers. We didn’t ask for the coupon, but we were glad to get it. The only problem was that no one would take the coupon. coup The movers in California said the t guys in Hawaii would take

TWEET of the WEEK “Do all tv news programs have the same writer? I must have heard 'and where is Casey Anthony' at least a hundred times today.”

care of it, and the guys in Hawaii said they wouldn’t honor it because we were only doing a “minimum move.”

That last phrase turned out to be hilarious when my girlfriend called the CMS office and asked what exactly constituted a “minimum move.”

“One hundred cubic feet,” said the CMS representative.

“That’s odd,” my girlfriend said, “because we moved 150 cubic feet.”

“Oh that’s right,” the CMS chick said. “It’s 150 cubic feet.”

“Wait,” my girlfriend countered. “You just said it was 100 cubic feet.”

“It is,” the CMS chick said nonsensically.

The movers on Maui later said a minimum move was actually 200 cubic feet since we were moving to Hawaii, but had no explanation when my girlfriend asked why CMS would touch our stuff in the first place if we were shipping 50 cubic feet less than their “minimum move.”

Had the original CMS guy not given me that $100 off coupon in the first place, we would have been totally happy with our move. We would have told friends that everything went well, and that we had no idea why so many people had complained online about CMS moving practices. And we would have expressed utter shock at being told that the Better Business Bureau had given the company a F rating.

But hey--we’re on Maui now, so I guess it all worked out. ■

-@katiemac (TEDxMaui co-producer Katie McMillan), July 18 To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505B

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NEWS&VIEWS

QUIZunderstood 1. On July 13 U.S. District Court Judge David Ezra sentenced 61-year-old Wailuku accountant Lloyd Y. Kimura to 11 years, eight months in federal prison without the possibility of parole. What was his crime?

A. Attempted murder of a California client, a 48-year-old widow he had seduced.

B. Running a Ponzi scheme that bilked 50 investors out of $8 million.

C. Embezzling $5.7 million in funds from his accounting ďŹ rm.

D. Robbing the Wailuku Post OfďŹ ce of $1.2 million worth of Forever stamps.

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A. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Koreans love to play golf.â&#x20AC;?

B. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Korean people have an incredible thirst for coffee.â&#x20AC;?

C. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Their ability to afford to

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D. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Koreans really appreciate baseball--more so even than we do.â&#x20AC;?

3. According to The Maui News, just six of Maui Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 32 public schools met federal No Child Left Behind standards during the 2010-11 school year.

A. True B. False C. Wha? BONUS QUESTION: Six is what percent of 32?

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BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

NEWS&VIEWS

chuck@mauitime.com +

EH BRAH!

NEWS OF THE WEIRD HAPPY BIRTHDAY! On May 21, Jesse Robinson either established or tied the unofficial world record for unluckiest underage drinker of all time when he was booked into the Hamilton County, Ohio, jail for underage consumption. According to booking records, Robinson’s date of birth is May 22, 1990.

CAN’T SPELL PORTLAND WITHOUT PEE In June, as five young men gathered around the Mount Tabor Reservoir near Portland, Ore., one urinated in it, thus “contaminating” the 7.2 million gallons that serve the city, and, said Water Bureau administrator David Shaff, necessitating that the entire supply be dumped. Under questioning by the weekly Portland Mercury whether the water is also dumped when an animal urinates in it (or worse, dies in it), Shaff replied, certainly not. “If we did that, we’d be (dumping the water) all the time.” Well, asked the reporter, what’s the difference?

Because, said Shaff (sounding confident of his logic), “Do you want to be drinking someone’s pee?”

SUICIDE WATCH A 53-year-old man committed suicide in May by wading into San Francisco Bay, 150 yards offshore, and standing neck-deep until he died in the 60-degree water, with police and firefighters from the city of Alameda watching from shore the entire time.

Said a police lieutenant, “We’re not trained to go into the water [and] don’t have the type of equipment that you would use....”

KGO-TV attributed the reluctance to budget cuts that prevented the city’s firefighters from being recertified in water rescues.

GREAT ART Britain’s Ben Wilson is one artist with the entire field to himself--the only painter who creates finely detailed masterpieces on flattened pieces of chewing gum found on London sidewalks. Frequently spotted lying nearly inert on the ground, working, Wilson estimates he has painted “many thousands” of such “canvases,” ranging from portraits and landscapes to specialized messages (such as listing the names of all employees at a soon-to- be-closed Woolworth’s store). According to a June New York Times dispatch, Wilson initially heats each piece with a blowtorch, applies lacquer and acrylic enamel before painting--and sealing with more lacquer. And of course he works only with tiny, tiny brushes.

POLICE REPORT Gregory Snelling, 41, was indicted in June for the robbery of a KeyBank branch in

Springfield, Ohio, which was notable more for the foot chase with police afterward.

They caught him, but Snelling might deserve “style” points for the run, covered as he was in red dye from the money bag and the fact that he was holding a beer in his hand during the entire chase.

THE ARISTOCRATS Brent Kendall, 31, was arrested in June in Coralville, Iowa, and charged with criminal mischief after he allegedly reacted to a domestic quarrel with his live-in girlfriend by cutting up items of her clothing and urinating on her bed and computer. And an employee of Bed, Bath and Beyond at the St. Davids Square shopping center in Radnor, Pa., reported to police on June 5 that, for the second time in two weeks, he had come across a bag (estimated to weigh about 35 pounds) behind the store, filled with human vomit.

Enjoy a full section of EH BRAH! on pg 10. If you need even more visit mauitime.com/Ehbrah The regular column will return next week.

WN NE LUM CO

SURF LIFE

by Manny Aloha

CRIMINALS WITH CHUTZPAH It was a 2004 gang-related murder that had frustrated Los Angeles police for four years until a homicide investigator, paging through gangbangers’ photographs for another case, spotted an elaborate tattoo on the chest of Anthony Garcia. Evidently, that 2004 killing was such a milestone in Garcia’s life that he had commemorated the liquor store crime scene on his chest.

The investigation was reopened, eventually leading to a surreptitious confession by Garcia and, in April 2011, to his conviction for first-degree murder. Photos from Garcia’s several bookings between 2004 and 2008 show his mural actually evolving as he added details--until the crime scene was complete enough that the investigator recognized it.

Manny Aloha is the Oahu-based surfer/artist behind Surf Life. We'll be running his strip when space is available occasionally. See more of his work at mannyaloha.blogspot.com

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS In May, in Rensselaer, N.Y., and in June, in Bluefield, W.Va., two men, noticing that police were investigating nearby, became alarmed and fled out of fear of being arrested since both were certain that there were active warrants out on them. Nicholas Volmer, 21, eventually “escaped” into the Hudson River and needed to be rescued, but the police were after someone else, and no warrant was on file against him. Arlis Dempsey Jr., 32, left his three kids on the street in Bluefield to make a run for it before police caught him, but he was not wanted for anything, either. Both men, however, face new charges—trespassing for Volmer, and child endangerment for Dempsey. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505n

JULY 21 , 2011

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BY JEN RUSSO

NEWS&VIEWS

jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso on Twitter

MAUISPHERE Powers have founded the Aloha Initiative along with Keith Powers and Keith Regan with a mission to assemble a community of people who are willing to open their hearts and homes to some of the displaced citizens needing our support.

The survivors' big arrival

SAMMY HAGAR’S HEROES

ISLAND WELCOMES TSUNAMI SURVIVORS For Japanese tsunami survivors, a little Maui sunshine and R&R could be just what the doctor ordered. But when your home has been destroyed, your work environment and way to make a living washed away, to say nothing of family and friends getting killed, showing up at the Red Cross to ask for a Hawaii Vacation could be out of the question. Aloha Initiative, a program led by the Japanese Cultural Society of Maui, is filling hearts with aloha by creating a network of partners to help Japanese citizens devastated by the disaster to enjoy a bit of sunshine.

They did this by providing a temporary warm nurturing home here with host families.

The first group of 68 Japanese citizens arrived on July 4 and were presented with leis and gifts at a welcoming ceremony held at the Honolulu Airport. Forty five of them stayed on Maui. Japan Airlines and Hawaiian Airlines offered discounted and free airfare to the participants. Originally Aloha Initiative was asking for gently used garment donations, but an outpouring of generosity from the public filled their needs within a week.

“We have accumulated so much clothing we are no longer needing to collect any,” said Lynn Araki-Regan, Aloha Initiative co-founder. “The Maui community has been so generous, even thrift stores have been donating to us. We are still seeking financial donations.”

Island Honda and Island Auto Center stepped up to provide 50 prepaid cell phones to Maui’s new guests. ”Because visitors may be out and about, we felt it was imperative for them to have the comfort and security of immediate communication access to their host families. Cell phones provide that important access,” said Anne Oishi, vice-president and general manager of Island Honda.

Maui County Mayor Alan Arakawa is supporting the event as well as Aloha Initiative partners First Hawaiian Bank, Relativity Media, Mana Foods and the Japanese Cultural Society of Maui. Araki-Regan and Michiko Ishida-

JULY 21 , 2011

About the HERO recipients: Chance Esperanza was featured recently in The Maui News.

He was referred to AKD by his pediatrician because he had a seizure while swimming and was found unconscious in the ocean. They couldn’t get a pulse for an extended period and he was medivacked to Oahu and induced into a coma while given little chance of surviving. Every step along the way, he defied the odds and he has made a remarkable recovery. He is now attending classes at Baldwin High School.

Taylor DeGuerra, a senior at King Kekaulike High School, is the starting quarterback in football, the starting shortstop in baseball and a defender in soccer. He was referred to AKD after his mother deserted him and his brothers because of mental illness. His father was not in the picture. Most recently, one of his younger brothers was diagnosed with brain cancer, sending him and their grandmother to the mainland for two months. While they were away, Taylor was left to care for himself and younger brother. He ran the household while still maintaining his honor grades and his full sports schedule.

Kathleen Antonio was referred to AKD after her father killed her brother in a night that escalated out of control. She witnessed it all and then had to testify in court against her dad. Her otherwise normal life turned upside down in an instant. The story was carried heavily by the local media while she wanted to hide and forget it all. She is now claiming back her life and moving forward. She is involved in sports at Maui High School and maintains a positive attitude in spite of all that she has endured.

Shelby Kahaleauki is one of AKD’s best volunteers. She often gives back to AKD–volunteering at information booths, children rallies, helping with mailings, etc.–whenever and where ever she is needed. Often, her family and siblings help, too. She comes from a tight single-parent household (where dad is not in the best of health) that includes six kids, but they focus on family, education, sports and volunteering for the community. ■

Sammy Hagar has a dream to help as many children as possible, starting with youth in Maui County.

The well known Rock and Roll Hall of Fame celebrity has ties to Maui and his bar Sammy’s Beach Bar and Grill, located at Kahului Airport, supports our local non-profit A Keiki’s Dream through the Hagar Family Foundation. Recently in a private ceremony at Mala Wailea, Hagar passed out awards honoring four individuals (called HEROES) from A Keiki’s Dream. “It feels wonderful to give back and help others,” Hagar said. “It’s not about me. A Keiki’s Dream is a grassroots, hands-on organization. Donations are direct to a child/ family in need on a case by case basis.”

Everyone has challenges to face but when you are a keiki facing adult issues life can certainly seem overwhelming. A Keiki’s Dream is one of Maui’s outstanding non-profits that celebrates and recognizes these special Maui youths. Executive Director Darby Gill says the organization is honored to work with these heroic children and “we want to remind the community that we need to do a better job of standing up for children because every one is special.”

To share or save this article, type: Whether a kid’s dream is a trip backstage, learning to scuba dive mt.hy.pr/1505m or being a princess for a day, A Keiki’s Dream is there to make these desires a reality.

Mick Fleetwood and Shep Gordon were also on hand at the weekend awards ceremony. They were there to recognize the dream children Chance Esperanza, Taylor DeGuerra, Kathleen Antonio and Shelby Kahaleauki. They’ve shown the ability to move forward in life while overcoming the challenges they face, and make good decisions while remembering to “dare to dream.” A Keiki’s Dream believes dreams remind Sammy Hagar and a few HEROES children who are mired in crisis that they are special,

“No ONE person can save the world, but we can help in the communities we live in.”

8

loved and possess the ability and right to dream. Having Hagar presenting awards and talking story with the kids really made them feel honored. “There are seven Sammy Beach Bar and Grill restaurants around the United States,” Hagar said. “Each one supports that local community. No ONE person can save the world, but we can help in the communities we live in.”

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

NEWS&VIEWS

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro on Twitter

Fish Tale Gov. Abercrombie flip-flops on factory fish farming.

Old Abercrombie had a farm...

O

ne of the most visually arresting sequences in the 2005 Austrian documentary Our Daily Bread, a narration-less gathering of footage from factory farms, slaughterhouses and food processing centers, showed the completely mechanized gutting of fish. From right to left, large, lifeless fish suspended from hooks moved through a machine that effortlessly and mechanically sliced open their bodies and pulled out their innards, over and over and over again. It was visceral and disturbing and even wrenching, and I like fish.

Industrial aquaculture has long disturbed animal rights activists and organic food advocates. For a while, it seemed like they had a powerful ally in Hawaii Governor Neil Abrcrombie, who in June denounced factory fish farming and threatened to veto a new bill extending very long ocean leases for aquaculture operations.

Activists applauded Abercrombie until last week, when he mysteriously reversed himself and tied himself, perhaps forever, with industrial fish farming.

Large scale aquaculture—the use of giant underwater cages to farm massive quantities of yellowfin tuna, moi and other fish the same way agri-business grows bloated

ed in its 2010 report The Empty Promise of Ocean Aquaculture in Hawai`i. “Instead, industrial fish farming damaged ocean ecosystems, infuriated Native Hawaiian rights groups and contributed little to the local economy.”

The Food & Water Watch report outlines myriad problems with aquaculture when it’s implemented on an industrial scale, including unsafe working conditions, the injury or death of sharks, monk seals and dolphins that stray into fish farming areas, the use of potentially harmful antibiotics in fish feed and the transmission of disease from caged fish to those swimming nearby.

In late June, Abercrombie made strong statements against industrial fish farms.

And he also threatened to veto Senate Bill 1511, which would increase fish farm ocean leases from 35 to 65 years.

“The Governor believes oceans are always changing and providing 65-year leases is not prudent,” Donalyn Dela Cruz, Abercrombie’s press secretary, said in a June 27 news release.

Food & Water Watch applauded. “We commend Governor Neil Abercrombie for announcing his intention to veto Senate Bill 1511,” Wenonah Hunter, the group’s executive director, said a day after Dela Cruz’s release went out. “The governor described the lease extension as ‘not pru-

Abercrombie may have understood the problem, but that didn’t mean he would do anything about it. swine and poultry on land—is big business in Hawaii. There are active or proposed fish farming operations off Maui, Lanai, Oahu and Hawaii Island, and the whole deal is projected to grow 900 percent by 2015.

Organizations like Food & Water Watch in Washington, DC find this an appalling trend.

“After a decade, and an investment of millions in taxpayers’ dollars, it is clear that the industry has not lived up to its promises of both economic and environmental sustainability,” the group conclud-

dent’ and admonished the bill’s definition of aquaculture as ‘too broad,’ demonstrating his understanding of the threats posed by factory fish farms and his willingness to side with the people of Hawai`i in calling for protection of their oceans over the demands of industry.”

Abercrombie may have understood the problem, but that didn’t mean he would do anything about it. Because on July 12, with no warning, Abercrombie suddenly reversed himself and signed SB 1511 into law.

Groups like Food & Water Watch were outraged. “We were very surprised,” said Zach Corrigan, the group’s acting program director for the fish team. “I see no difference from what he announced he might veto and what he signed. The only thing we can see is that the industry was vocal and had more sway with him.”

The statement put out by Abercrombie’s office on SB 1511 was both brief and vague. “Governor Abercrombie has always been supportive of aquaculture and understands the need for long-term leases for financing operations,” stated a July 12 release from Abercrombie’s press office (Abercrombie ultimately signed eight bills, including SB 1511, that appeared on his June 27 list of bills that he intended to veto).

“Moreover, he expects DLNR [Department of Land & Natural Resources] will structure leases so that long-term impacts can be properly monitored.”

When asked why Abercrombie changed his mind, Dela Cruz refused to stray far from the statement her office put out, though she denied that there was any significant lobbying of the governor by the aquaculture industry. “He took a closer look at it,” she said, referring to the bill.

“There were more discussions and he had some meetings.”

As for Abercrombie’s insistence that DLNR can monitor 65-year ocean leases,

Corrigan was less than optimistic.

“There is no policy that the State of Hawaii has to ensure that happens,” he said.

“It’s a total pie-in-the-sky hope that the industry will behave well.” ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505a

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ROAD RAGE, MAUI-STYLE Illustrations by Ron Pitts Illus

OUR ANNUAL

EH BRAH! SPECIAL ISSUE

A

NOTHER YEAR HAS PASSED, and another crop of Eh Brahs dealing with cars, trucks, roads, parking lots and other vehicle-related troubles has piled up on my desk. So have at it. And keep in mind that it takes just a little time out of your day to let us know about the parasites, malingerers and jerks who make Maui’s roads−and everything else−just a little less special. Oh, and be sure to remember that if you can’t beat ‘em, denounce ‘em anonymously!

E

h Braddah (or sistah): You went and swiped the vents off my white 1993 Nissan pickup. That truck and I have been together a long time now, traveling all across Hawaii and the Mainland. She may be old, but I try to keep her looking decent. I bet you’re the kind of buggah who would steal the wheels off your auntie’s wheelchair just to build a soapbox racer.

Anyway, I’m going to be watching out for trucks that have da kine vents like I used to have. If I see some, and find that they’re mine, the owner and his or her vehicle is going to be immobile for a long time. Happy trails to you, until we meet.

I

saw you out of the corner of my eye. You were barreling down the hill on your skateboard, making the sharp turn onto South Kihei Road right in front of my car. I could tell you had control—but I was ready to react in case you did biff it face first in the street. I would rather avoid having your entrails intertwined with my drive train. That over-the-shoulder glance and screw-it-all shrug you displayed was exactly what I expected, too. Now I understand you don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone or anything including yourself, but next time you roll your sad, 100-pound sack of water and bones in front a moving car, take a split second to imagine the faces of your friends and family as they scatter your ashes into the deep blue. I wouldn’t miss your punk ass, but they sure as hell would.

10 JULY 21 , 2011

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to ehbrah@mauitime.com

I

n a way I should be calling out myself, but where’s the fun in that? See, I knew I’d have trouble from you, but I didn’t listen to that warning inside my head. I knew deep down that parking my car next to your van in the apartment complex parking lot was a mistake. I mean, I could just tell by looking at your van that you, well, just didn’t give a damn about anyone else. And you know what? I was right. I usually park pretty far away from you, but then the other night I got home late and the most convenient space was next to yours. I thought I could get away with it—it was just for one night!—but no. Sure enough, the next morning I found a nice dent in my car and you long gone. And you didn’t even leave a note!

H

ey bruddah. You wanna make the island your home? Excellent! Might I suggest that a good start would be by not driving on Mokulele with one hand on the wheel and the other on a page in the VISTORS’ GUIDE TO FISHING. Really, there are drivers behind and beside you in traffic who would love to see their families every night. You, apparently, have only a points total or whatever it is you use to assign value to your life. In the future, just please, PLEASE stay away from me.

I Y

ou were driving down Piilani Highway in your Tundra truck. I guess you didn’t realize that as you were racing down the highway, a million styrofoam packing peanuts were flying out of the bed and messing up the aina. That was me waving my hands at you in your rear-view mirror, trying to make you aware of the mess you were creating. And you, hardworking condo-cleaning professional that you were, how could you have been so completely oblivious to the roll of paper towels waving in the wind behind your truck?

It unspooled until the whole thing was just a heap on the side of the road. And anybody else with an open-bed truck: do you really think anything lighter than a watermelon will actually stay in the bed? I always wondered where all the rubbish at the side of the road came from since I rarely see anyone actually throw something out of a car window. But then I realized most of it comes flying out of trucks! Please, take a moment before driving off to make sure there’s nothing in your truck’s bed that could fly out.

E

h brah, I was watching you in your tourist jeep the other day. What were you thinking when you stopped right in the middle of Dairy Road? Seriously−everyone’s driving at normal speed, and then you just... stopped. In the middle of the road. Like it was a parking lot. Come on brah, you could have caused one accident. They don’t let you do crazy stuff like that back on the Mainland, so why’d you think it would be okay here? Brah, you must be one French fry short of a Happy Meal.

’m going to call you Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmuck. You drive a large silver truck. Lately I’ve been seeing you park in the handicapped parking space at Launiupoko Beach Park. There are just two handicapped parking spaces for disabled people at the park, but you always take one of them. Now I know you’re not disabled, because I’ve often watched you two get out and then head off to ride some waves.

I’ve also seen you at Kanaha Beach Park unloading windsurfing gear and windsurfing there. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Those handicapped parking stalls are for people who cannot surf, much less walk, and want to enjoy the park. You are really inconsiderate schmucks! Listen, I am tired of seeing able-bodied people using these parking spaces. Why don’t you give up the handicap spots and just park with the rest of us?

H

ey, haole dude who just ran across the street in front of me: What makes you think that you own the whole road and won’t get hit? Why don’t you try looking both ways before crossing the street? Didn’t you learn that in elementary school? It’s pretty simple: first turn your head to the left, then to the right and then to the left again. If there are no cars coming towards you, then you can cross. You got lucky crossing in front of me because I was paying attention--next time, who knows.

JULY 21 , 2011 11

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FOOD & DRINK

BY JEN RUSSO jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso on Twitter

The Buzz About Buzz’s

Marla Braun-Miller and Beth

Go for the shrimp, stay for everything else e Buzz’s Wharf 50 Hauoli St., Maalaea (808) 244-5426 buzzswharf.com

I

ALWAYS HEAR about how folks come to Maui and want to eat where the locals do. While a lot of places boast this but Buzz’s Wharf is a family-owned establishment that locals truly love. Jerry and Eileen McDonald opened Buzz’s in 1967 and the place has been passed down through generations of their family.

The restaurant dining room’s most

appetizers and sandwiches. The sandwiches are special: coconut shrimp, filet Diane, Ahi steak, fresh tuna salad and half pound burgers made with Maui Cattle Co. beef and loaded with trimmings like two kinds of onions, sauteed mushrooms and blue cheese. The sandwiches and burgers cost between $11 and $18. Tasty words like cajun aioli, fruit salsa and red wine sauce embellish these carb and protein combos, and vegetarians have options, too.

At lunch you can also get their famous Markea Prawns. They’re served Tahitian-stylee with dill and parm or in shrimp poke or in cocktail form. Their prawns are good raw or

The Markea Prawn is their own trademarked name for the mouthwatering Pacific Blue Shrimp that they raise there, free of hormones, g. antibiotics and food coloring.

range around $20 to $50, and their portion size is generous.

They are famous for the Hawaiian teriyaki steak, but this is no mere teri steak plate lunch. They have their own coveted family teriyaki recipe. They marinate and broil the steak, and serve it with potato du jour, steamed vegetables, rolls and a green salad, if you wish.

You could gget lobster tail but Surf and Turf here is done with

unique; the macadamia nut nut-crusted fresh fish with a coconut p pineapple sauce is a sweet and savor savory delight. The macadamia crunch tex texture was great over the fish, and a the sweet pineapple sauce is su surprisingly dessertlike but still aappropriate for the dish.

Speak Speaking of sweets, you will find thei their Tahitian vanilla at play again al alongside tropical fruit creations like their Mango Macadamia Nut Upside-do Upside-down Cake and Mango Creme Brulee. Pe Pele’s Molten Chocolate C k ttakes k 20 minutes, i Cake so order it with dinner, but it’s a great value at just $10.

No matter what time you come to dine, be prepared for the detour. The harbor entrance that was next to the Lahaina side of Buzz’s has been closed. Instead, just turn at the stoplight next to the gas station and Carl’s Jr., head right onto Maalaea Har Harbor Road, then drive into the harbor.

The Maalaea Harbor is getting a much nee needed pumping system for the boats, but don’t let these improvements stop you from enjoying Buzz’s Wharf. ■

Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 808-280-3286 or fax to 808-244-0446.

808 To sshare or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505d m t

notable features are the huge glass windows through which you can watch the harbor action, the surf spot Freight Trains (when it’s breaking) or the current renovation construction. You can also see all of the Kihei shoreline as well as Molokini and Haleakala.

Come before sunset to take it all in.

The Braun-Miller family that now owns the restaurant also farms Markea Shrimp in New Caledonia, importing their own for their menu. The Markea Prawn is their own trademarked name for the mouthwatering Pacific Blue Shrimp that they raise there, free of hormones, antibiotics and food coloring. They are especially sweet, with an al dente bite to them. There are challenges to farming this species, such as the high quality sea water their ponds require, and the added costs associated with their environmentally friendly approach. Later this year, Buzz’s will have them available to purchase for your home kitchen, too.

Their menu is All-American steakhouse fare, with a few island-influenced touches. They start lunch at 11pm with a collaboration of house specialties like shrimp and chips, soups and salads,

cooked, but their poke preparation is lightly seared with tobiko lemongrass ass aioli. If you’re in the mood for soup, the clam chowder is made the New England way, so thick yourr spoon could stand up in it and full of great clam flavor. It is a meal unto itself, and their bread makes the perfect pillow to sup it up.

Pupu hour starts at 3pm and goes till the dinner hour at 5pm.

This is a great time to enjoy cocktails and pupus, on your way to o or from locations around the island. Their heir appetizer menu is full of quality seafood, and the steamers are astonishing in their white wine broth and garlic bread. Shiitake mushrooms stuffed with crab and cheese, fresh oysters, sashimi and fried calamari round out the pupus that go perfectly with their Mai Tai’s that feature their Tahitian vanilla or other tropical drinks.

Dinner includes their hand-cut Angus beef steaks, and you can can have them prepared to your liking with choices like their Au Poivre (their version of a pepper rub), Diane’s mushroom, Dijon and red wine sauce, or bleu cheese-crusted. Entrees

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com foo

Markea Pr awns & An gus

Beef

Markea prawns Tahitian, and it’s better than lobster.

These sweet prawns permeatee all corners on the menu for good reason, you can’t get them anywhere else on Maui. i.

Another great dish with a twist is the Bouillabaisse, in which h Markea prawns join scallops, clams and fish in a light white coconut onut lemongrass broth. The different ent seafoods melt in your mouth h in this extraordinary soup, and it begs egs to be dabbed with their fresh rolls. olls.

The fresh fish preparations are

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FOOD & DRINK

BY JEN RUSSO jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso on Twitter

Pau Hana MAI TAI MANIA

M

AI TAIS are synonymous with Hawaii bars, so it makes sense that our state hosts the biggest Mai Tai competition in the nation.

People don’t realize what a craft beverage the Mai Tai can be, but 10 of Maui’s liquor slingers went on stage July 6 to battle for a chance to compete at the Bacardi Mai Tai Festival, held annually at the Royal yal Kona Resort.

Each bartender had to o qualify their recipe to compete, and these bar chefs were serious about their products.

The complicated origins of the Mai Tai are laid aside here; all you need to know is that there are four components to the drink: nk: 1. A rum base; 2. Juice used as a binder; 3. A flavoring component such uch as orgeat or falernum; 4.

A float, which is a layerr of liquid usually spirit-based, sed, most commonly seen in n the Mai Tai as a dark rum. m.

The contestants weree imaile Wendy Agustin of Haliimaile General Store; Joseph Getgen, d Bryan Christopher Nevins and Aloy of the Four Seasons ns Resort; Blair Anderson and Eric cean Zimmerman of Mala Ocean Tavern; Alex Dreher of Westin Maui Tropica; Mark Reck of Lulu’s Lahaina; James Shoemaker of Mala Wailea; and Ricky Supnet of the Royal Lahaina Resort.

Like chef competitions, bartender battles can get heated very quickly. The bartenders each had seven minutes to prepare five drinks: four for the judges and one for their photos. When you are squeezing, shaking and smacking several drinks together in this kind of time-frame, and with prizes like airfare and hotel hanging in the balance, the pressure is on.

In the first round Agustine battled it out with Aloy. Though her Mai Tai was inspired

he by the pineapple fields around the Haliimaile General Store and wass ngly served in a pineapple, it surprisingly did not contain pineapple juice.

The judges, Chuck Bergson of Pacific Radio Group, Dave Fried of the Hula Grill, and Molly and James Jacobson (authors of Top Maui Restaurants and whatscookingmaui.com) had thee difficult job of

Wendy Agusti n

Preser Preserves Syrup, Barcardi Gold aand 8 into its mix.

The Aloha Aina Mai Tai celebra celebrated land lubbers with lil fresh lilikoi and Bacardi Select, coconut and Superior. That was recip of Eric Zimmerman of the recipe Oce Tavern in Round 5, Mala Ocean and Ricky Supnet from the Royal sli Lahaina slipped mango puree in with Disaronno Serranno peppers, Bacardi Disaronno, Orang and 8 for his concoction.

Orange th he end en no flamboyant In the preesenta presentations, elaborate garnishes f or fancy barware could beat a well balaanced true to form Mai Tai. balanced, Shoem Shoemaker took first place with his “The Spirit of Don Beach Mai Tai” and his high score of 60.2 Getgens’ Mai Molokai Tini 60.25. took second and Agustin, the only femal contestant, took third. ■ female

Got a h hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 808-280-3286 or fax to 808244-0446.

244-04 To shar share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505d2 m t.hy.

ker hoema S s e m Ja evaluating each Mai Tai specimen and ta abulating tabulating scores Judging was determined d by scores. h balance, b l presentation, nose, palate, finish, creativity, and trueness to form, with a total high score of 70 possible points.

In round two, returning competitor Anderson made his “Quintessential Mai Tai” that used Bacardi Gold, Orange, Coconut and Anejo rums, while Tropica’s Dreher made the Kelekona Mai Tai, with dragonberry rum and a “Fireball” whiskey float.

Joseph Getgen’s round three Mai Molokini Tini was a layered cocktail in a brown sugar rimmed martini glass with frothy egg whites, a Chambord upside

Like chef competitions, bartender battles can get heated very quickly.

Joseph Ge tgen down float and an nd Bacardi Limon. Nevin’s Asian-inspired “Mai Thai” appeared in a stemless Bordeaux glass ons wheels. It was a light lined with lemons concoction of Bacardi Silver, hint of Thai up and coconut water. lemongrass syrup ur, In round four, Reck performed his cocktail as a samurai warrior creating the Lulu’s Samurai Tai, where he dramatically ed topped and cored a pineapple in which to serve the da drink. Reck had th grip of fans with him and was a crowd maker favorite. Shoemaker focused on his cocktail, “The Spirit of Don Beach Mai Tai” amid the hubub, ed that incorporated aui locally made Maui

For mor more foodie news, visit MauiTim ’s food blog at: MauiTime mauidish.com mauidis

a Lahain Royal

JULY 21 , 2011 15

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Confidence.

It’s a huge part of what we build at Valley Isle Gymnastics.

When a 7 year old VIG athlete Kayden Uwekoolani-DeCoite joined us at VIG, there’s little doubt he was a confident young man to begin with.

Our philosophies here of patience and positivity have contributed to his confidence and so many of Maui’s youth being much more confident in everything they do. Those aren’t our words. Those are the words we hear from our families just about every day.

Bring your copy of this ad when you enroll for your first-ever class with us, and it’s worth one FREE AFTERNOON SESSION of “School’s Out, Camp’s In” gymnastics camps, available any day your school is not in session. Camps available for ages 4 & up.

Offer valid through October 7, 2011.

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250 Alamaha at Wakea, Suite N8 • Kahului • 871-6116 www.valleyislegymnastics.com • info@valleyislegymnastics.com

16 JULY 21 , 2011

Photo © Mark Moquin & WaveShotsMaui

wmpetsupply@gmail.com M-F 10am -6pm Sat 10am-3pm, Sun 10am-1pm 910 Honoapiilani Hwy, Lahaina 96761

BY ANU YAGI

A&E

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

SLAM, Bam, Thank You Man

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

Six-piece smooth jazz ensemble hits all the right romantic notes

A

ll of a sudden somewhere in the middle of the chorus he gets IT--everybody looks up and knows; they listen; he picks it up and carries. Time stops. He’s filling empty space with the substance of our lives, confessions of his bellybottom strain, remembrance of ideas, rehashes of old blowing. He has to blow across bridges and come back and do it with such infinite feeling soul-exploratory for the tune of the moment that everybody knows its not the tune that counts but IT.” - Jack Kerouak, On The Road Jazz. You could say it’s as American as apple pie (or whatever)–it’s been called the only true art form to our country’s credit,

their well-honed chops are self evident, they make sure audiences know what’s coming by dressing to kill (i.e. only jazz

Men In Black

after all–but it’s more than just jazz itself.

Its scores of subgenres could fill a whole bakery with everything from ragtime roots to corkscrew-in-a-beehive acid jazz.

But whatever’s your pleasure, jazz has got something for you.

At its core, good jazz is loose like liquid–but has a bite like the bottom of an empty coffee cup that a fiend’s suppedup so quick the last sip’s still hot. “Hit me again,” is this music’s mantra--both a command and a plead. And when you fill that cup up again, stirring in a dollop of cream and just a spoon full of sugar, you’ve got smooth jazz.

The Maui band called SLAM–featuring David Choy and Clay Mortensen, with George Tavoularis (keyboards), Alan Villaren (guitar and vocals), Michael Kennedy (drums) and Jay Molina on (bass & vocals)–knows their smooth jazz. While

musicians and hit men have this uniform).

Their music sets the mood for playful romance, and you can check them out at their regular South side haunts–every

Monday night at Mulligan’s on the Blue in Wailea (6:30-9:30pm; no cover) and every Wednesday at Stella Blues Cafe in Kihei (7-10pm; no cover)–plus this Saturday, for a special show at Casanova in Makawao (9pm; $10). Replete with R&B and a pinch of funk, it’s music you can wine, dine and dance to with your date in a way that will have you wondering if you wandered into a sexy scene in a movie made in the early ‘90s.

With a set list including tunes from greats like Lee Ritenour (you know, the guitarist known as “Captain Fingers”), David Sanborn (a saxophonist who, in part, is famed for his sessions on David Bowie’s Young Americans), Marcus Miller (a bassist who’s reputation precedes him, but is known for his colabortions with Miles Davis), The Crusaders, Earth Wind & Fire and more, it’s a repertoire even critics can revel in.

Plus, SLAM plays Choy’s original tunes, off his CD titled Colors of the Heart.

An accomplished musician, Choy’s noteworthiness also includes playing and recording with the likes of James Ingram, Patti Austin, Michael McDonald and the Doobie Brothers.

SLAM’s sets are sultry and smooth, crescendo to show their upbeat, funky side, and finish with the tongue-smacking thick of a nightcap liquor. Do yourself a favor and get gussied up, practice looking longingly into your lovers eyes, and head out to see SLAM do their smooth jazz stuff.

The band will thank you then–and you’ll thank me in the morning. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505ae

Replete with R&B and a pinch of funk, it’s music you can wine, dine and dance to with your date in a way that will have you wondering if you wandered into a sexy scene in a movie made in the early ‘90s.

3 2 1

4 5 6 7

8 9 10

7 of 10

BEASTIE BOYS

Hot Sauce Committee Part Two (Capitol Records 2011) The Beastie Boys have been around for nearly 30 years. When they started out in 1982, most of the country had never heard of three Jewish teenagers playing hardcore punk. That changed in 1986 with their first album, License to Ill. Since then, Ad Rock, Mike D., and MCA have given us hardcore punk, jazz, funk, and, of course, hip-hop.

The Beastie Boys like living cartoons screaming and posing their way through the world. That’s why their latest album, Hot Sauce Committee Part Two, is in a lot of ways a departure from their past.

Unlike the sample-heavy hyperactivity of past albums, there are almost no recognizable samples in this album. Instead, the music comes straight from the band members themselves. And the result is an impressive and edgy set of tunes.

A lot of the jams, like “Funky Donkey” or “Here’s a Little Something For Ya,” are heavily distorted with high-pitch screeching and ominous bass lines. The bass and distortion are so dark in “Say It” that the Beasties might have started a new genre: hip-goth.

“Lee Majors Comes Again,” on the other hand, channels the group’s hardcore punk roots. But not every track is for black t-shirts and angry people. The big single “Make Some Noise” displays mad Moog synthesizer skills, while “Multilateral Nuclear Disarmament” is a lyricless funk jam patently designed for zoning out.

The Beastie Boys have not deviated from their round-robin rap style, which may sound dated to some younger ears.

-Ben Lowenthal

All albums reviewed in this space are available at Maui’s only record store, Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku,

JULY 21 , 2011 17

BY BARRY WURST II

FILM

barry@mauitime.com

Gigantic Masterpiece Terrence Malick creates another cinematic wonder

They start off so pure with so much potential, then they watch TV and become little punks.

The Tree of Life

★★★★★

Rated PG13/134 min.

T

hree things are true about a Terrence Malick movie: they’re years-in-themaking personal films, audiences are typically baffled by them but, over time, they are reevaluated and declared works of genius.

Malick has only made five films, but each is so breathtaking, so thrilling to watch, that his reputation as a recluse and master filmmaker have rightfully placed him next to Stanley Kubrick as one of the geniuses of cinema.

Malick’s films (like The Thin Red Line) tend to linger on images of nature, which can annoy audiences who just want to get on with it and focus on the plot. His movies are for patient, adventurous audiences and anyone who wants to see something

18 JULY 21 , 2011

wards his entire career. Imagery and themes truly amazing. from his previous films resurface but he His latest is about a small family living doesn’t repeat himself. Malick uses cinema as in Texas: Mr. O’Brien (Brad Pitt) is a lova form of poetic expression and never goes ing but stern father who is having a tough easy on his audience, with character and plot time connecting with his son Jack (Hunter details revealing themselves gradually and McCracken, superb in his film debut). Their from observation. uneasy relationship is remembered years There’s hardly any dialogue and there later, as Jack, played as an adult by Sean hasn’t been an American movie like this since Penn, is haunted by the events that left a 2001: A Space Odyssey (with a little Stand mark on his childhood.

By Me thrown in). It may be Malick’s least After a somber start, with the O’Briens accessible movie, but who dealing with a personal cares? You want art, awesome tragedy, we get a lengthy, THE TREE OF LIFE sights, a moving family story, wink-free and sensational Now Playing at Brad Pitt and glimpses of the set piece portraying the The Queen Kaahumanu first creatures to ever walk the creation of life on earth.

Center earth? You got it.

At this point, most audiPenn’s role is tiny but Pitt ences will check out. It’s a is top-notch as a hard-to-pin father who shame, since they will not only miss a onceis both tender and brutal to his three sons. in-a-lifetime cinematic experience but also Pitt and Malick paint Mr. O’Brien in shades a rich, complex portrait of a young man’s of grey and audiences will debate the chartroubled upbringing.

The Tree of Life is a gigantic masterpiece. acter as much as the other scenes that are It’s a film Malick has clearly been working toopen to debate. Jessica Chastain is luminous

as Jack’s long suffering and nearly angelic mother and the special effects (by legendary f/x artist Douglas Trumball) will knock your socks off.

Feelings of joy, guilt, remorse and nostalgia will pass through you in waves as you watch it—you’ll feel this movie as much as the characters do. The many moments of symbolism are beautiful but the best scenes are firmly planted on earth. It feels longer than the 134-minute running time but even Malick’s long-winded, what-does-it-allmean ending shouldn’t be missed on the biggest screen possible.

This movie is in love with and in total awe of life and wants to take audiences on a cinematic journey that won’t be matched this year or ever again. It will challenge and polarize audiences; love it or hate it, you will not forget it. For the price of admission, it’s the best ride of the summer. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505g

Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) PG13 - FRI (12:45, 3:45), 6:45, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:45), 3:45, 6:45, 9:45. MON-WED (12:45, 3:45), 6:45, 9:45.

Cars 2 (2D) - G - THU (11:15, 1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 9:55. FRI (1:30, 2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30, 2:00), 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:30, 2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30.

Friends with Benefits - R - FRI (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:20, 9:50. SAT-SUN (11:45, 2:15), 4:45, 7:20, 9:50. MON-WED (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:20, 9:50.

Horrible Bosses - R - THU (12:05, 2:35, 4:55), 7:35, 10:05. FRI (12:05, 2:35, 5:00), 7:35, 10:05.

SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:35), 5:00, 7:35, 10:05. MONWED (12:05, 2:35, 5:00), 7:35, 10:05.

Larry Crowne - PG13 - THU (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:05.

Monte Carlo - PG - THU (11:30, 2:00, 4:45), 7:20, 10:00.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Bad Teacher - R - THU 10:50, 12:55, 3:00, 5:05, 7:10, 9:15. FRI-WED 12:00, 2:00, 10:05.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) PG13 - FRI-WED 10:40, 1:20, 3:55, 6:40, 9:20.

Captain America: The First Avenger (3D) PG13 - FRI-WED 11:20, 2:00, 4:40, 7:20, 10:00.

Captain America: The First Avenger (T3D) PG - FRI-WED 12:00, 2:40, 5:20, 8:00, 10:40.

Cars 2 (2D) - G - THU-WED 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30.

Cars 2 (3D) - G - THU 10:30, 1:00.

Horrible Bosses - R - THU 10:40, 12:45, 2:50, 3:30, 4:55, 5:45, 7:00, 8:00, 9:05, 10:15. FRIWED 11:00, 1:10, 3:1, 5:20, 7:30, 9:35.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2D) - PG - THU 11:00.

Larry Crowne - PG13 - THU 8:00, 10:15.

Mr. Popper’s Penguins - G - THU 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00, 10:15.

Tree of Life - R - THU 1:15, 4:05, 7:00, 10:00.

FRI-WED 4:05, 7:00.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Captain America: The First Avenger (2D) PG13 - FRI-WED 11:00, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10:05.

Cry Baby Matinee - G - TUE 10:45, 4:05.

Friends with Benefits - R - FRI-MON 10:45, 1:30, 4:05, 7:05, 10:00. TUE 1:00, 3:50, 7:05, 10:00. WED 10:45, 1:30, 4:05, 7:05, 10:00.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU-WED 10:30, 1:20, 4:10, 7:00, 9:50.

Horrible Bosses - R - THU 10:45, 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:05, 10:35. FRI-WED 11:15, 2:00, 4:20, 7:20, 9:45.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2D) - PG13 THU 12:00, 3:30, 7:10, 10:20.

Zookeeper - PG - THU 11:00, 1:30, 3:50, 6:05.

8:20, 10:30.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Friends with Benefits - R - FRI (11:30, 1:35, 2:05, 4:10, 4:40), 6:45, 7:00, 7:15, 8:15, 9:20, 9:35, 9:50. SAT-SUN (11:30, 1:35, 2:05), 4:10, 4:40, 6:45, 7:00, 7:15, 8:15, 9:20, 9:35, 9:50.

MON-WED (11:30, 1:35, 2:05, 4:10, 4:40), 6:45, 7:00, 7:15, 8:15, 9:20, 9:35, 9:50.

Green Lantern (2D) - PG13 - THU (11:45, 5:05), 7:35, 10:10. FRI (11:35, 2:00, 4:30). SAT-SUN (11:35, 2:00), 4:30. MON-WED (11:35, 2:00, 4:30).

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU (12:30, 2:00, 2:15, 3:30, 5:00, 5:05), 6:30, 9:00, 9:30. FRI (12:00, 12:30, 3:00,

3:30), 6:30, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:00, 12:30, 3:00), 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. MON-WED (12:00, 12:30, 3:00, 3:30) 6:30, 9:30.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (3D) - PG13 - THU (1:00, 1:30, 4:00, 4:30), 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 10:00. FRI (1:00, 1:30, 4:00, 4:30), 6:00, 7:00, 7:30, 9:00, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:00, 1:30), 4:00, 4:30, 6:00, 7:00, 7:30, 9:00, 10:00.

MON-WED (1:00, 1:30, 4:00, 4:30), 6:00, 7:00, 7:30, 9:00, 10:00.

Midnight in Paris - PG13 - THU (12:05, 2:00, 5:00), 8:00, 8:30. FRI(12:05, 2:20, 4:25), 6:50, 9:05. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:20), 4:35, 6:50, 9:05.

MON-WED (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 6:50, 9:05.

Monte Carlo - PG - THU (12:00, 2:30).

Super 8 - PG13 - THU 7:45, 10:15.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2D) - PG13 THU (12:05, 3:25), 6:45, 10:05. FRI-WED (12:10, 3:25), 6:40, 9:55.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (3D) - PG13 - THU (1:30, 2:00, 5:00), 8:00, 8:30. FRI (1:25, 5:00), 8:00. SAT-SUN (1:25), 5:00, 8:30. MONWED (1:25, 5:00), 8:00.

Winnie the Pooh - G - THU (1:15, 3:15, 5:15), 7:15. FRI (1:15, 2:15, 4:15), 6:15. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:15), 4:15, 6:15. MON-WED (12:15, 2:15, 4:15), 6:15.

Zookeeper - PG - THU (11:30, 12:00, 2:20, 4:40, 5:30), 7:05, 9:25. FRI (12:00, 2:25, 4:45), 7:05, 9:25. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 4:45, 7:05, 9:25.

MON-WED (12:00, 2:25, 4:45), 7:05, 9:25.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:30.

SAT-SUN (12:30), 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. MON-WED (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:30.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2D) - PG13 THU-WED (12:00, 3:20), 6:45, 10:05.

Zookeeper - PG - THU-WED (12:05, 2:35), 5:00, 7:30, 10:00.

There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui.

Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.

New This Week CAPTAIN AMERICA- THE FIRST AVENGER - PG 13 - Action - Sorry, Walt Whitman fans: this isn’t a movie about Abe Lincoln. 124 min.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - R - Comedy Starring the one boy who survived ‘N Sync, and that one hot brunette chick who starred in... Oh, who cares what she’s starred in? She’s hot. Oh, and Mauian Woody Harrelson! 109 min.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON - PG 13 - What?! This isn’t a Pink Floyd laser light show? Well, never mind... Shia LaBeouf stars as Sam Witwicky, with Markiss McFadden as Lennox Team ‘Baby Face’ (and no, we did not make those names up). 157 min.

TREE OF LIFE - R - Drama - Ooh, your rods and cones are so lucky! Magic movie man Terrence Malick does it again, and the flick’s finally made it to Maui. Brad Pitt and Sean Penn star. 138 min.

WINNIE THE POOH - G - Animated - Oh, do bother to see this movie. 69 min.

ZOOKEEPER - PG - Comedy - Kevin James (Paul Blart: Mall Cop), apparently, had a horrible career counselor. Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone and Cher lend their voices. 111 min.

NOW SHOWING BAD TEACHER - R- Comedy - Cameron Diaz is every heterosexual junior high school kid’s dream teacher: profane, sexy, wildly inappropriate.

Whether she’s funny is another matter... 92 min.

LAST CHANCE KUNG FU PANDA 2 - PG - Animated - Jack Black’s back as the rotund, butt-kicking Asian land mammal. Skee-doosh! 90 min.

CARS 2 - PG - Animated - The Pixar Cars are back, this time in Europe because some French race car challenged Lightning McQueen on TV. 120 min.

LARRY CROWNE - PG 13- Fantasy - Could playing a hopelessly square middle-aged man really be that hard? Apparently, it is. Tom Hanks (DaVinci Code) phones it in alongside Julia Roberts (Mystic Pizza). 99 min.

GREEN LANTERN - PG13 - Fantasy, Action - Good versus evil, a magic ring, a dude in spandex... somehow this all feels so familiar. 114 min.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 - PG 13 - Fantasy - This is the one where Harry dies. 140 min.

MONTE CARLO - PG - Creating delusions of grandeur one cliche at a time. Coming soon to a Walmart bargain bin near you. 124 min.

HORRIBLE BOSSES - R - Comedy - Live vicariously through Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis. 109 min.

MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS - G - Comedy - Jim Carrey plus some misbehaving arctic fowl equals...hilarity? 95 min.

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS - PG13 - Comedy The latest from Woody Allen stars Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams and, presumably, rapid-fire existential dialogue. 94 min.

SUPER 8 - PG13 - Sci.-Fi. - Kids filming a zombie movie wind up capturing something truly scary. 127 min.

Captain America

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JULY 21 , 2011 19

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

Kiss Three

It’s Friday, Friday

(Friday) July 22, 9pm doors/10pm show, Three’s Bar & Grill, Kihei; $10

(Friday) July 22, 6-9pm, Paia town; free

For the amorously adventurous, ménage à trois make sense because it employs the Doublemintonian law that by doubling your pleasure you’ve doubled your fun (also: The same logic applies when spelling “dessert” vs. “desert”). Because everyone wants extras when it comes to indulgences–be it bubblegum or debauchery–the Ménage à Trois event (appropriately) at Kihei’s Three’s Bar & Grill dishes a trio of decadence with the Kit Kat Club Cabaret, Rabbitt and The Propers and burlesque belly dancer, Karli Rose. Invoke the spirits with Three’s ree’s aphrodisiac drink specials to help loosen your inhibitions towards edgy territory. After all, you, me and the Devil doesn’t sound d like bad company... [808-879-3133; threescateringmaui.com m] If you stay North and no like go South, try check out da Kissing Tree event at Paia’s Moana Bakery & Cafe (Friday, July 23, 9pm-2am; $15). It’s a DJ dance party with vocal ambiance by Kelli Love, plus a kissing booth and date auction. (Seriously!) Proceeds benefit the documentary Tree... [moanacafe.com / treethefilm.com]. Also, ink (or touch-screen) your calendar to include Maui OnStage’s special, pre-play Razzle Dazzle event, next Friday (July 29, 6pm; $40) at the historic Iao Theater. Get dexterous by rubbing elbows with the Chicago cast, double-fisting pupus and cocktails, and keeping your fingers crossed during the drawing for the silver and rose gold necklace donated by Tiffany & Co. [242-6969; mauionstage.com]

Everyone knows that Wai Side’s what’s up every first Friday of the month–but do you know to what direction the compass points come final Fridays? Trick question!

To the same direction the compass always points, i.e. toward the seaside streets of our North Shore neighbors.

This Friday, Paia’s boutiques are abuzz with myriad offerings–almost all of which includes free pupus and sippables. Hana Highway Surf hosts a surf art show with acrylic-onsurfboard works by local surfer/shaper Jud Lau (7-9pm). Paia Trading Co.’s got live entertainment by guitarist Christy Fell (6-8pm). Maui Hands features artist Christine Halton, who will demonstrate her art of wood burning and oil painting (4-8pm).

Grace Beauty has a raffle for a free facial (open until 9pm). Biasa Rose opens up shop to the locally-designed clothes of Siganka, with a special trunk show. Indigo Paia plays to interesting interests by showcasing Daniel Sullivan’s photos of the Omo River Valley in Ethiopia, a tarot card reader and house DJ. And Flatbread Co.’s paid a visit by Jolli the Clown (5:307:30pm). Now that’s what I call partyin’, partyin’ (sorry). paiaimaui.com

MAUI ARTS +

ENTERTAINMENT WITH PHOTO PHO PHOTO HOTO TO BY Y TONY TON TON O YN ONY NOVAK OVA AK - CL CLIFFORD LIFF IFFORD ORD RD

20 JULY 21 , 2011

MAUITIME FLAVOR

.com

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Waterlust (Saturday) July 23, 7:15pm, Lahaina Gateway; free

Last week, we gave you an early heads up about the SUP doco That First Glide, screening at the MACC this Friday (July 22, 7:30pm; $12). If that whet your rods and conesâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking toward the horizon for a second setâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;find it at Lahaina Gateway, this Saturday (July 23). The mallâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s firstever Outdoor Movie Night will be inaugurated with a trio of surf flicks, starting at 7:15pm with the PassmoreLabs project The Physics of Surfing (that, like That First Glide buffs may recall from its debut at the Maui Film Festival), followed by The Path of the Modern Gypsy. The former 26-minute movie studies the science behind surfersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; innate collusion with the seaâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;in exhilarating highdefinitionâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;and the latter follows famed surfers (Rob Machado, Jay â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bottleâ&#x20AC;?

Thomson, Paul Fisher, Ben Bourgeois and more) through their enviable sun, sand et al lifestyle in Central America. And, the nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s capped off with a fulllength, family-friendly animated movie. (Wanna know what it is? Find out at lahainagateway.com). Keep in mind that no coolers or outside food/drinks are allowed; but to conceive of bringing such things is nonsensical anyhow because youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re surrounded by the likes of Genki Sushi, The Melting Pot, Teddyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bigger Burgers, Outback Steakhouse and Barnes & Noble Cafeâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;never mind the to-go grinds from Foodland Farms. Also, seats are limited to 100 peeps (first come, first serve) and while the Gatewayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got chairs, you can bring your own beach chairs if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re afraid of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;okole cooties (or whatever)â&#x20AC;&#x201C;and so you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to sit on the ground with your nose near toes.

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JULY 21 , 2011 21

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

‘Uke Got It (Friday) July 29, 6-9pm, and (Saturday) July 30, 3-11pm, Lanai; free

It’s embarrassingly easy to forget that we’re a tri-isle county and that our peeps on the (fka) Pineapple Isle have plene kine cool events fo’ offer, too. Case in point: The Lanai Ukulele Festival. At five venues over two days, fantastic four-stringers–like Richard Ho‘opi‘i, Brittni Paiva, Herb Ohta Jr., Walt Keale, Tony Conjugacion, CJ “Boom” Helekahi, David Kamakahi and Benny Uyetake–will pluck your heartstrings with Hawaiian-style tunes augmented with hula. The event kicks off Friday, July 29 at Manele Bay Four Seasons (6-9pm; VIP and dinner packages available) and continues on Saturday, July 30 in the Great Room at the The Lodge at Koele. Bookend the day with music at Coffee Works (9-11am) and Cafe 565 (11am-1pm), as well as an ‘Ukulele Martini Jam at Pele’s Other Garden, downtown (8-11pm). The event’s entirely free, meaning your wallet’s left with plene slack fo’ booking room and board with the Four Seasons (special festival packages available start at $179; 1-800-321-4666) and Expeditions ferry (1-800-6952624). lanaiukulelefestival.com

BY ANU YAGI

CALENDAR

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS EKOLU LIVE IN CONCERT (and taping for a TV pilot!)

- Thu, July 21. Need we say more? A Ozzie Concerts production. $15. Doors open at 8:30pm. Three’s Bar & Grill, 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133; ozzieconcerts.com SOLO SESSIONS WITH KAUMAKAIWA KANAKA‘OLE - Thu, July 21. Hear “the voice of Hawaii’s new generation,” in an intimate, talk-story setting. $25 / $45 VIP + applicable fees. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SCREENING: “THAT FIRST GLIDE” STAND UP PADDLE SURFING DOCO - Fri, July 22. Filmmaker Mike Waltze takes viewers on a journey from the origins of SUP in Hawaii—back to the early Hawaiians and first Waikiki beach boys—and on into the 20th century. Watermen Laird Hamilton, Gerry Lopez, Dave Kalama, Robby Naish, Brian Keaulana, Kai Lenny and others share their stories and what attracts them to this elegant sport. A portion of the proceeds will benefit Maliko Water Sports. $12 + applicable fees. 7:30pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org REGGAE IN THE VALLEY - Sat, July 23. The sixth annual installment of one of the summer’s hottest festivals features Sly Dog, Maoli, Hoaikane, Kolohe Kai, Natural Vibes, and the Hot Rain Band with Siaosi/ Kiwini, Vaitai/Laga, Savea/Damon Williams, FIJI and J BOOG. 5pm. $25 advance. Yokouchi Pavilion / A&B Amphitheater, MACC. One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org OFFICIAL REGGAE IN THE VALLEY AFTER PARTY Sat, July 23. Party with all the stars. $10. 10pm. Ka-

22 JULY 21 , 2011

hului Ale House, 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului; 877-9001

STAGE MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “CHICAGO” - Hot chicks (and dudes) in next-to-nothing negligees. Song and dance. Murder. What more do you want? A musical written by Maurine Dallas Watkins, a Chicago Tribune journalist, who based the play on her 1924 reportage of murderesses Beulah Annan and Belva Gaertner.

Opens Friday, July 8 and runs through Sunday, July 31.

Showtimes are at 7:30pm on Fridays and Saturdays, and 3pm on Sundays. It’s sure to be a sell-out show, so go get your tickets quick, OK? Purchase tickets at If The Shoe Fits (Wailuku), Lava Java (Kihei) or through the Maui OnStage box office. (P.S. Check out sneak peeks of “Chicago” this Thursday at Casanova, Saturday at the Queen Kaahumanu Center, and Monday at Ambrosia!) $15-$40. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com PROARTS ANNOUNCES FALL SEASON AND AUDITIONS - Sat & Sun, July 30 & 31. Auditions for the first two shows of the season, “Social Security” (director: Kristi Scott) and “Other People’s Money” (director TBA), begin next week. Auditions are for actors 20 and over. Auditionees should bring their current résumé and headshot and be prepared to read from the script(s). Readings will be available at audition time. Scripts will be made available when calling for an audition appointment. A stipend is paid to all participants. Auditions for the final two shows of the season (“Jack & the Beanstalk,” a ProArts original, and “Ruthless! The Musical”) will be announced later. Call to schedule an appointment. ProArts Playhouse, Aze-

ka Shopping Center (Makai), 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Cirque du Soleilesque with a uniquely Polynesian twist. Enjoy amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics, illusions, and mindboggling contortionists. P.S. Did you know the cast, theme and lineup are all-new? Yep. The show now features more daring aerial displaces, the antics of Pepe the Clown, a Mongolian contortionist and an finale featuring The Wheel of Death. Tickets start at $62 (ask about deals for keiki and kama’aina). 6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 667-4540; maui.hyatt.com / cirquepolynesia.com

TICKETS ON SALE

Kahumoku Jr. hosts Slack Key Masters each month and opens the show with his musical and storytelling talents. Kahumoku’s special guest this month is none other than acclaimed Maui boy Jeff Peterson, who grew up on the slopes of Haleakala and was introduced to slack key by none other than his paniolo father. Chee hoo! $25 / $25 VIP + applicable fees.

7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org RAZZLE DAZZLE - Fri, July 29. A special, pre-play event. Get dexterous by rubbing elbows with the “Chicago” cast, double-fisting pupus and cocktails, and keeping your fingers crossed during the drawing for the silver and rose gold necklace donated by Tiffany & Co. $40. 6pm. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com

NA KOA IKAIKA BASEBALL - Want to root, root, root for the home team? Cheer your heart out at some (or all!) of the 48 home games this season (May through August). Next series starts Saturday, June 18 against the Lake County Fielders. VIP seating $13 single/$528 season; stadium seating $9 single/$352 season; general admission $6 single/$220 season; military & keiki $4 single/$176 season. Ichiro “Iron” Maehara Stadium, 700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku; 877-8880

LANAI UKULELE FESTIVAL - Fri & Sat, July 29 & 30.

A wonderful reason to ferry over to the fka Pineapple Isle to enjoy peeps like Richard Ho’opi’i, Brittni Paiva, Herb Ohta Jr. and more. See This Week’s Picks (page 22) for more. Free. 6-9pm (July 29) Manele Bay Four Seasons; 3-7pm (July 30) The Lodge at Koele; 9-11am (July 30) Coffee Works; 11am-1pm (July 30) Cafe 565; 8-11pm (July 30) Pele’s Other Garden; lanaiukulelefestival.com

SUPPER CLUB: AMY HANAIALI’I - Fri & Sat, July 28 & 29. Enjoy five-time Grammy nominee and 14-time Na Hoku Hanohano award recipient, Amy Hanaiali’i.

She’ll be joined by special guest Michael Ruff, plus Dean Taba and Joe Heredia. $30/$60. Dinner seating 6pm. Showtime 7:30pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779

SESAME STREET LIVE, 1-2-3 IMAGINE! WITH ELMO & FRIENDS - Fri, Sat & Sun, July 29-31. Elmo, Abby Cadabby, Big Bird and all your kids’ favorite Sesame Street characters will be on hand to entertain. Full of energy and adventure, Ernie captains the high seas, Elmo dances to the rhythm of the African rainforest and Bert meets an octopus who has the blues. Too cool. $10 / $20 / 33 / $48 / $73. Various showtimes 10:30am-4:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

SLACK KEY MASTERS: FEATURING JEFF PETERSON - Thu, July 28. Grammy Award winner George

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ALE HOUSE

Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ DJ Jamn J & Q103’s Shaggy, 9pm; no cover

Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ C, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J 10pm; $10

Official Reggae In The Valley After Party, 10pm; $10

Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ 10pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic Night w/ Terri Garrison, 9pm (signup by 8pm); no cover/ WED - Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 9pm; no cover

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause w/ SuperNova / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY

Honolulu’s Tommy Valentine Y Sus Amigos 8-11pm

CASANOVA

Source Maui presents Live Pa with Zapper & Dat Girl and DJ Keegan House, 10pm; $10

SLAM feat. David Choy and Clay Mortensen, 9pm; $10SLAM

Wavetrain 9pm; $5

Live Music

Live Music

Sunday Funday

Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

Kinky Politicians 10pm-close

Latin Night 9pm-close

Live Island Music 6-8pm

500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DA KITCHEN, LAHAINA

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

MON - Peter D. / TUE - Live Jazz / WED - Ryan Palma (all sets 7-10pm; no cover)

Friday’s in the Sky Lounge w/ DJ CIA

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

House Music 10pm; no cover

Cane Fire 10pm; no cover

Vince Esquire Band 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Jarod 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Junior Lacuesta / TUES - Jarod / WED - Big John (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Karaoke & Darts

Anniversary Party (free food!)

5pm-close; no cover

Karaoke & Darts

Karaoke & Darts

WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music, 9pmclose; no cover

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Super Dub Tribe 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

HARD ROCK CAFE

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

Sounds of Addiction 5-8pm

Live Music

Live Music

MON & TUE - Live Music / WED Damon Parillo & Danyel Alana, 7:30-10pm

HYATT REGENCY MAUI

Citrus College Band: Blue Note Orchestra, 10pm12am

Citrus College Band: Blue Note Orchestra, 10pm12am

Citrus College Band: The G.A. Songbook, 7-8:30pm

Citrus College Band: Blue Note Orchestra, 9pm-12am

MON through WED Citrus College at Japengo, Sonz and Umalu

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali - 661-1234

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

CORDAGE-MAKING WORKSHOP - Sat, Aug 6. In ancient Hawaii, cordage was used to lash homes, canoes and tools. Join Hawaiian ethnobotanist Cathey Davenport in a hands-on workshop (10am-12pm) in cordage-making. Space is limited and fees apply. Email info@mnbg.org to request a registration form.

Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, 150 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului; 249-2797; mnbg.org THE THROWDOWNS CD RELEASE BLOWOUT - Sat, Aug 6. Celebrate the release of The Throwdowns’ first full-length album “Legs Of Our Own” with a starstudded night featuring performances by Maui’s jazz jewel Lily Meola, Big Island’s soul sister Kimie and with special appearances by Marty Dread and MOTH. 5pm gates / 6pm show. Yokouchi Pavilion / A&B Amphitheater, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-SHOW (7469), mauiarts.org / thethrowdowns.com JIM BRICKMAN - Sun, Aug 7. Brickman is a platinum-selling artist who’s celebrated for revolutionizing the sound of solo piano with pop instruments and star-studded vocal collaborations. $25/ $35/ $50/ $65 (VIP). 3pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MAPA PRESENTS “DAMN YANKEES,” A MUSICAL COMEDY - Fri, Sat & Sun, Aug 5-21. The story of a middle-aged, rabid baseball fan who makes a pact with the Devil for a chance to lead his favorite baseball team–the Washington Senators–to victory against the New York Yankees. $25 adults / $22 seniors (62-years-old or better) / $18 students (18-years-old or younger). 7:30pm. Maui Tropical Plantation’s Field of Dreams, 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., 244-8760; mauiacademy.org SAVE THE DATE: “ALL MY SONS” - Mon, Aug 8. A Maui OnStage ONO (one night only) production of “All My Sons” by Arthur Miller. A classic 1940s American drama about ethics versus survival. Featuring Don Carlson, Jerry Eiting, Michael Pulliam, Jennifer Rose

and Jackie Shea. Free. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; mauionstage.com MAUI CALLS 2011 - Fri, Aug 12. The MACC’s signature fundraiser gala celebrates its 16th year. Experience fine wine, Hawaiian music by Ahumanu, live and silent auctions and more. Plus, guests receive a fresh flower lei upon arrival. 21+ only. $175 / $195 / $250 / $500. 6pm. Yokouchi Pavilion / A&B Amphitheater, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-SHOW (7469), mauiarts.org SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH JOHN KEAWE - Thu, Aug 18. Grammy Award winner George Kahumoku Jr. hosts Slack Key Masters each month and opens the show with his musical and storytelling talents.

Kahumoku’s special guest in August is John Keawe, who has ten popular albums to his credit. Also features hula by Keawe’s lovely wife, Hope. $25 / $25 VIP + applicable fees. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org AMERICA - Fri, Aug 26. American you dig it? Fans of the band will be pleased to know that Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell are headed to the Valley Isle. The group is as active as ever, playing over 100 live shows worldwide per year and is due to release their new album “Back Pages” July 26. A Tom Moffatt production. MACC member discounts available. On sale to members Saturday, July 16 via the MACC box office.

Public sale begins Saturday, July 23. $35 / $50 / $65.

7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, Kahului; 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH BENJAMIN VERDERY - Thu, Aug 25. The New York Times calls Benjamin Verdery “iconoclastic” and “inventive.” Not too shabby, eh?

But it makes sense for a six stringer and prolific composer who’s played worldwide, including at the International Guitar Festival (Havana, Cuba), Wigmore Hall (England) and the Metropolitan Opera

(New York City). $25 / $45 VIP. 7:30 pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org WANDA SYKES - Fri, Sept 9. I love her best in her role as Biggie Shortie in “Pootie Tang” (2001). Tickets go on sale Friday, July 15 at 10am. See you there! $56 / $66 / $76. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

WED - Karaoke Marine Life!” photo contest. Deadline to enter is August 1. Winners will be announced the week of August 22. Maui Ocean Center, 192 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma’alaea; 270-7000; lorim@mauioceancenter.com / mauioceancenter.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, JULY 21

FOODIE NINE WINE AND DINE IN KAANAPALI - Daily, July 13-31. Nine holes of golf + four courses + wine pairings = one amazing day in Kaanapali. Treat yourself! $89/$114. 3pm. Black Rock Steak and Seafood, Sheraton Maui Resort and Spa, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina; Golf: 661-3691; Non golf: 661-0031

ANNOUNCEMENTS REGISTRATION BEGINS FOR FALL SEMESTER AT MAPA - Open registration for Maui Academy of Performing Arts’ fall semester of dance, drama and singing classes begins July 18. Over 90 weekly classes for students of all ages will be held at their Main St. studio in Wailuku and at Sports Club Kahana on the West side. Classes begin August 22 and run through December 17. Tuition is $275-$325 for the semester. Multiple discounts available including 10 percent-off for students paying in full during the early registration period (July 18-29). For a full schedule, class descriptions, scholarship application and registration forms, visit mauiacademy.org. 244-8760 CALLING ALL OCEAN PHOTOGRAPHY ENTHUSIASTS - Enter to win a year-long membership to the Maui Ocean Center and free admission to the Maui Photo Festival by entering the aquarium’s “I Love

MAKAWAO COMMUNITY ASSOCIATION MEETING - Welcoming all residents of Makawao, the committee’s agenda includes an update regarding parking and the farmers’ market on Baldwin Ave., an update on proposed town entrance signs, and a review of the proposed Transient Vacation Rental legislation with Gina Flammer and Erin Wade of the County Planning Department. Free. 6:308pm. Pookela Church, 200 Olinda Rd., Makawao; 572-6877; judy@anuheaflowers.com WINNING!!! - To say thanks to MauiTime readers for your Best of Maui support, Best Club DJ Del Sol and runner-up DJ CIA serve up ear candy, while William Sythes (Best Male Bartender) does what he does best. And all at the isle’s best bar (two years running) / runner-up for best place to dance! Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

FRIDAY, JULY 22 CONTRIBUTE TO THE COMMUNITY GARDEN AT KA HALE A KE OLA - Did you know that the Ka Hale A Ke Ola homeless resource center provides 118,874 resident nights, 74,077 meals, 9,698 childcare days, 12,114 substance abuse counseling hours, 14,251 emergency counseling hours and much more? Help them help others by participating in this garden work day. Spread mulch, weed, plant fruit trees and set up groundwork for the property to put healthy, locally

JULY 21 , 2011 23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

07/21

07/22

07/23

07/24

07/25 - 07/27

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Vince Esquire, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

Sunday Country Jam feat. The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika, 7pm / TUE - Kahala, 7pm

1810 6:30-8:30pm

TBA 8-10pm

TBA 8-10pm

Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

MON through WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

Fulton Tashombe & The Jazz All Stars; 7-10pm

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Live Music & Dancing

Live Music & Dancing DJ Canespider, 11pm-close

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-10pm DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; no cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Manino, 7:30-11 pm

Napili Canoe Club Benefit w/ Mele Pono & Roots Judgment, 10pm; $15

DJ Kamikaze “Loyalty” Showcase, 9:30pm; ladies free / gents $10 after 10:30pm

Status Party feat. DJ Twizy, DJ Jem and DJ Treb, plus Philly Blunt & Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Kenny Roberts

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm-12am / WED - Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover)

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

MOANA CAFE

Phil & Angie Benoit

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S - LAHAINA 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

The Kissing Tree

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

Murray Thorne, 6:30-9pm

Gail Swanson, 6:308:30pm / Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm

The Celtic Tigers w/ Roger McKinley / 6:309:30pm / Big John, 10pm12am

MON - SLAM feat David Choy & Clay Mortensen 7-9:30pm; Rocking ‘80s Party 10pm-12am / TUE - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, 7-8pm / WED - Joe Benedett, 7-9pm

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

R.S. SHARKY’S FAMILY RESTAURANT 41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

grown food into the residents’ daily meals. 10am4pm. Ka Hale A Ke Ola, 670 Waiale Rd., Wailuku; Call the Community Work Day for details at 877-2524; cwdhawaii.org FINAL FRIDAY IN PAIA TOWN - Everyone knows Wai Side’s what’s up every first Friday of the month–but do you know to what direction the compass points come final Fridays? Trick question! To the same direction the compass always points, i.e. toward the seaside streets of our North Shore neighbors.

They’ve got a block party planned, and you’re gonna wanna check out This Week’s Picks (page 20) for more. Free. 6-9pm. Paia Town; paiamaui.com MAKAWAO HONGWANJI OBON FESTIVAL - Get out your getas and don your hapi coats–there’s just nothing quite like summertime obon. Continues on Saturday (July 23). Free. Service begins at 6:30pm. Dance begins at 7:30pm. Makawao Hongwanji Mission, 1074 Makawao Ave., Makwao; 572-7229 MENAGE A TROIS - For the amorously adventurous, menage a trois makes sense because it employs the Doublemintonian law that by doubling your pleasure you’ve doubled your fun. This night features a trio of decadence with the Kit Kat Club Cabaret, Rabbitt and The Propers, and burlesque belly dancer, Karli Rose.

See This Week’s Picks (page 20) for more. Three’s Bar & Grill, 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133; threescateringmaui.com

SATURDAY, JULY 23 MAKE-A-MOC WORKSHOP - Make one pair of moccasins in this unique class. Part one of this two-day workshop begins today with pattern-cutting, holepunching and beginning stitching. Continues on Sunday (July 24) with finish stitching, the application of soles and selection of accessories. $350. 10am-

24 JULY 21 , 2011

TUE - Open Mic Night

2:30pm. If The Shoe Fits, 21 N. Market St., Wailuku; 249-9710 DISCUSSION: “EXPERIENCING THE MARCH 11 DISASTERS IN THE TOHOKU REGION OF JAPAN” - Via the Aloha Initiative, three visiting victims of the March 11 disasters in Japan will discuss their experiences.

Light refreshments served. Free. 1-3pm. Kahului Hongwanji Mission, 291 S. Puunene Ave., Kahului; 280-1299; alohainitiative.com OUTDOOR MOVIE NIGHT - Th mall’s first-ever Outdoor Movie Night is inaugurated with a trio of surf flicks including “The Physics of Surfing” and “The Path of the Modern Gypsy.” See This Week’s Picks (page 21) for more. Free. 7:15pm. Lahaina Gateway, Lahaina; lahainagateway.com HUI LAULIMA O HANA’S 3RD ANNUAL KOKUA FUNDRAISER - Raising funds for the Hana Community Dialysis Home’s “Hale Pomaika’i”–the nation’s first communal dialysis home. Enjoy a fun day filled with live music by local musicians, ono grinds, arts & crafts vendors, a silent auction, lucky drawings, a keiki zone, baked goods, a fashion show using recyclable clothing from the thrift store, air brush painting, and much more. Free. Hui Laulima O Hana, 4351 Hana Hwy., Hana; 269-6152 THE KISSING TREE - Smooch a Hawaiian hottie in the kissing booth or bid in the silent auction for a date with Maui crush-worthies–and all for a good cause!

Proceeds benefit the upcoming production of the doco “Tree,” which will chronicle a dude sitting under a tree for 49 days, fasting on naught but coconut water, and talking with gurus in search of god and stuff.

Seriously. See This Week’s Picks (page 20) for more. $15. 9pm-2am. Moana Bakery & Cafe, 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-9999

SUNDAY, JULY 24 PIANO & VOICE MUSIC RECITAL - Soprano Sarah Oppenheim-Beggs and pianist Suzanne Garramone in a recital of music by American and British composers from the 20th and 21st centuries (inlcuding Argento, Barber, Bernstein, Britten, Gordon, Rorem and more). A benefit for Musical Voices Maui. $15 suggested donation. 2pm. Iao Congregational Church, 2371 Vineyard St., Wailuku; thoughts-on-singing.com THE CHALLENGE FOR OLIVIA - A youth golf tournament to benefit the ‘ohana of Olivia Bianco. 4pm. Kapalua Bay Express; 665-3747; pbrownmaui@gmail. com MISS MAUI HAWAII KEIKI PAGEANT & MISS HAWAII IKI KEIKI PAGEANT - A first-annual event and benefit for the Children’s Miracle Network. $25 advance / $25 door. Maui Tropical Plantation, 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Waikapu; Contact program director ‘Iolani Chun for more information: 463-2560 MAKE MY DAY: HAWAII’S OPEN MIC AND TALENT CONTEST - Every Sun. Got mad skills you want to show off? Learn more (and sign up!) by e-mailing debra@makemydayhawaii.org, or call 936-9358. Da Kitchen, Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina; 661-4900

MONDAY, JULY 25 MAUI COUNTY CHARTER COMMISSION’S PUBLIC HEARING - Listen, learn and voice your comments and concerns. Continues on Tuesday (July 26). Free.

6:30-9:30pm. Kihei Community Center, 303 E. Lipoa St., Kihei; mauicounty.gov

TUESDAY, JULY 26 ART SHOW - Check out a unique body of work by

Sasanna Babashoff (6:30pm) and stick around for Dirty House Tuesdays with DJ La Rage (10pm). Free.

Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks - Brenton’s back at Mulligan’s with his high energy comedy and magic show. Don’t miss it. Free. 7-8pm. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131

WEDNESDAY, JULY 27 LEARN HOW TO PRACTICE SELF-HYPNOSIS - Shirley Scheer lectures on self-hypnosis. $20 donation.

6:30-8pm. Soul Space Maui Renewal Center, 16 S. Market St., Wailuku; 344-2920; rhonda@soulspacemaui.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT - Don’t you love the part when Blinkin says, “Sir! You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs”? Yep. It’s spoof month at Ambrosia, and they’re screening “Robin Hood Men in Tights.” Free. 7:30pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CANOES - Fri & Sat, Ras Shaggai 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Indapkt 3-6pm. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0937.

COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Junior & Oren 7:3010pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live Jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Ryan Palma 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908.

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Kiheiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

THURSDAY 21 9pm

RAMPAGE

KIHEIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

DAT GUYZ KEOLA AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES

FRIDAY 22 9pm

SUPER DUB TRIBE SATURDAY 23

COMEDY & MAGIC BY

SUNDAY 24 9pm

BRENTON KEITH

MONDAY 25 9pm

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

JUNIOR LACUESTA

TUESDAY 26 9pm

SMOOTH ISLAND MUSIC $1 TACOS $3 CORONAS $3 CUERVO SHOTS

OPEN MIC

WEDNESDAY 27 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

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FREE HIGH ENERGY

9pm

ROOTS ROCK FROM ONE OF MAUIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FAVORITE

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT KARAOKE

TUESDAY, JULY 26TH

AND HIS BAG Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;TRICKS '3&& t 1.

Reservations Recommended (Limited Seating)

874.1131 t 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea (Located at the Wailea Blue Course)

www.MulligansOnTheBlue.com

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JULY 21 , 2011 25

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

07/21

07/22

07/23

07/24

07/25 - 07/27

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM Randall Rospond 7-10pm; no cover

Cheryl Rae Band w/ Tom Fernandes 8-11pm; no cover

Tom Cherry 8-11pm; no cover

Sal Godinez & Bob Harrison 4-7pm; no cover

TUE - Service Industry Night + Karaoke by M&M, 7-10pm / WED - Ladies Night + Blues Spirit of Maui, 8-11pm

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night / Karaoke 7pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Free Pool / Karaoke 8pm/12am; no cover

Industry Night 10pm-close; no cover

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Pau Hana Free Pool / WED - DJ Dance Party 8pm-12am

Ah Tim

Ahumanu

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Eddie & The Promises 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

THREE’S BAR & GRILL

Ekolu (+ taping for a TV pilot) 8:30pm; $15

Menage A Trois w/ Kit Kat Club Cabaret, Rabbitt & The Propers 10pm; $10

Pure Bikini Fashion Show w/ DJ Nasfx

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover

SCOREBOARDS 1445 S. Kihei Rd. , Kihei -

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUE’S

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

THE UNDERGROUND 744 Front St., Lahaina

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

Next Level Entertainment 10pm

TUE - Sushi Tuesdays w/ DJ CIA

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

UNITY: Summer Electronic Music Massive, 9pm-3am; $10/$15/$20 (18+)

College Night w/ Next Level DJs, 9pm-2am; $5/$10 (18+)

Live Music 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

Wilson 3-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 3-5pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Damien 3–5pm, Garrett & Peter 6–8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm, Kulewa 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm, Kulewa 6-8:30pm; Sun, Tim 3-5pm, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Every Mon, Brian 3-5pm, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Every Tue, Brian 3-5pm, Alika & Eddie 6-8:30pm. Every Wed, Brian 3-5pm, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm. 888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288.

HULA GRILL - Thu, Alika 11:30am-1pm, Ernest Pua’a 1:30-3:30pm, Armadillo 4-6pm, Kulewa 6:30-9pm; Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am-1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm, 1810 4-6pm, Kawika, Roy, & Tarvin 6:30-9pm; Sat, Evan Schulman 11:30am-1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm, 1810 4:15-6:15pm, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Sun, Kawika Lum Ho 11:30-1pm, Ron & Ikaika 1:30-3:30pm, 1810 4-6pm, Derrick Sebastian Trio 6:30-9pm; Mon, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm, Armadillo 4-6pm, Derrick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm, Jarrett Roback 1:303:30pm, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm, Alika 1:30-3:30pm, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends :30-9pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

HYATT MAUI RESORT & SPA - Daily, Easy Listening with Citrus College Band at Japengo 5:30-7:30pm; Fri, Citrus College at Umalu 6-9pm; Daily, Citrus College Band Plays Upbeat Tunes at Umalu 4-6pm.

200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali, 661-1234.

JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, Farzad & Mike Madden; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm). 3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787.

KIMO’S - Thu, Fri & Sat, TBA; Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett &

26 JULY 21 , 2011

WED - The Haiku Hillbillys 8:30-11:30pm; $3

Gina Martinelli Band

DA KITCHEN - Every Sun, Open Mic & Talent Contest 6-8pm; Every Wed, Live Island Music 5-7pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Thu, All-ages Open Mic Night 9pm; Fri, Sounds of Addiction 8pm; Sat & Sun, TBA; Mon & Tue, Jessica Rabbitt & Kanoa7:30-10pm; Wed, Damon Parillo & Danyel Alana 7:30-10pm. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7400.

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm; SLAM feat. David Choy, 6-9pm

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 9am-12pm; Every Mon, Junior 6-8pm. Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, (Phil & Angie Benoit will return next week!); Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 6696400.

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S LAHAINA - Every Thu through Wed, Live Music. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

ONO BAR & GRILL - Thu & Tue, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Kealii Lum; Sun, Mitch Keppa; Wed, Scott Baird (all sets 6-9pm). Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 667-2525.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Thu, Joel Katz 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and hula by his daughter, Sarah Kakugawa 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Evan Shulman 6:30-9pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo & Friens 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause benefit (This week’s featured non-profit: Maui AIDS Foundation; + music by SuperNova) 8pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (July is spoof month! This week: “Robin Hood Men In Tights”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon &Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan RobMon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 8751955.

LULU’S KIHEI - Every Thu & Fri, Live music and dancing; Every Sat, Easy Listening with Neto 8-10pm; Every Sun & Wed, Karaoke with Manino 7:30-11pm.

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-9944.

MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:308:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30 pm; Fri, Gail Swanson 6:30-8:30 pm; Sat, Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:309:30pm; Mon, Joe Benedett 6:30-8:30pm; Tue & Wed, Willie K 7-9om. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, (Phil & Angie Benoit will return next week!) 5:30-7:30pm. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 879-7177.

SCOREBOARDS - Thu, Randall Rospond 7-10pm; Fri, Cheryl Rae Band w/ Tom Fernandes 8pm; Sat, Tom Cherry 8pm; Sun, Sal Godinez and Bob Harrison 4-7pm; Tue, Karaoke 7-10pm; Wed, Maui Spirit of Maui 8pm. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei SHARKY’S - Thu, Jordan Fun 5:30-9pm; Every Fri, Dress Like A Pirate Night 5:30-9pm; Tue, Karaoke Contest with DJ Jay 5:30-9pm. Lipoa Center, 41 E. Lipoa St. Ste. 15, Kihei, 874-5115.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry

& Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Mon, Supper Club feat.

David Pack of Ambrosia 6-9pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy 6-9pm. 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, live music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 875-2910.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 875-8080.

TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.)

2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terrri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil & Angela Benoit 5:30-8:30pm. 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 877-0773.

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY RESTAURANT - Fri, Tommy Valentine Y Sus Amigos; Daily, Francois 6-9pm; Every Sun, Fausto 9am-1pm. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului, 873-6555.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323.

KULA LODGE - Sat & Sun, Jazz music. 15200 Haleakala Hwy., Kula, 878-1535.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Fri & Sat, live music 6-8pm.

81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 573-2859.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Open Mic Night 6pm.

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

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GLASS PIPES, VAPORIZERS WATER PIPES & ACCESSORIES

DG;9L=< 9:GN= :D9;CA=K HAL KLGH AF CA@=A 874-1040 JULY 21 , 2011 27

BY ANU YAGI

KULA KID

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

What Happens in Kaupo

D

AD HAD A LITTLE VACATION TIME– which is tantamount to swimming lessons with the Loch Ness Monster–so we’re camping in Kaupo (i.e. da Yagi ‘ohana’s Las Vegas). You wouldn’t believe where we’re staying if I told you, so I won’t bother. Besides, sometimes a locale’s best feature is its secret.

The crunch underfoot divulges how dry it’s been of late, but petrichor is permanent in land like this. Summertime brings strong gusts, and near the pastureland it’s torrential. The wind’s words are but semantic satiation; and like talking walls, I wish I knew what it’s saying.

But I don’t, and so I venture beyond the trail-less treeline where it’s quiet but for the bleat of a baby goats.

Buster, my brother’s pit-boxer, pads effortlessly along wild boars’ desire paths while I must find the long, two-legged way around. She’s a good girl and pauses to point, raising her paw as she turns around to check my progress (or lack thereof).

How little she must think of me I can only guess, because snagged and sliced from scalp to toe, I fought the lantana and the lantana won.

There’s not a speck of trash way out here, so I for awhile I’m at a loss as to what to do whilst walking.

But, um, greenery is ever-inspiring; and ‘opalapicking or no, I’m always ambling about poking at this or that dead thing and playing the game where I pretend the dirt’s lava and must rock-hop to save my life. Yep. Apparently, my silliness has not waned since circa six-years-old. And fortunately–though somewhat to my chagrin–challenging cliffs break my hubris before my neck.

We arrive at a clearing near a dry stream bed’s banks, and stop to take in the unadulterated air.

Buster sups water poured into a wide rock’s divots, and a single, shining, low-lying leaf catches my eye.

“Hello, leaf! I want to see what you see,” I muse aloud. Standing where the leaf is, I find it’s facing a small opening in the canopy where the sun–for just this moment–has aligned just-so. In all the dark forest, only me and the leaf are lit.

Later, we pass a place that gives me pause--the forest’s grown its own theater. The trees create a walled enclave around rocks–the set and props– toppled down from the ridge; and the way one’s hewn looks like the profile of a smiling pua‘a. I applause, imagine prancing thespians in snouted paper mache masks and kapa costumes died with red dirt, acting out a drama that could only be called The Play of Pigs.

Nearby is another tree with branches like a dome, and I tiptoe underneath though I know I shouldn’t. One side of the bark’s been rubbed clean-away; and my intuition tells me that if where I came from was the boars’ home theater, where I am now is certainly the

bedroom. Or at least the place for conjugal visits.

Goldilocks I am not, and I exit post-haste.

There’s another pile of na pohaku where the tip-top one’s crowned with a trough. It’s exactly torso-sized and I lie in it tentatively. “Hello, rock.” Were it not so roughcast, I would worry that this stone’s sent many heads rolling.

You know, I’ve only ever seen dead cats exploded on the highway or inert after lethal injection–so when it’s brought to my attention that there’s a dead cat on the hillside, I do not want to look. But I do (of course!) and it’s beautiful. Naturally mummified, it’s curled like a skeletal nautilus; eyes closed as if sleeping and chin perched on crossed paws. “Pretty thing,” I coo and, breaking form, do not poke at it.

While I thought I’d wandered way, way away, somehow, we’ve circled back to base. It’s then I’m ashamed to (finally) notice that right back where I started, there’s a row of kukui nut trees so big, they’re certainly the progenitors of every candlenut on Earth. A mangled one that heads the line has a distended appendage–it alone dwarfing the trunk of any kukui I’ve yet seen– dragging like a mutant pitcher’s Popeye arm. It’s grown to resemble a twisted rope and its shaded bark is burnt black with mold.

Carefully, carefully I creep up to it. “Hello, tree.”

Lighter than my whisper, I reach out and lay my palms on the mercurial coil. Just as I do, BOOM. A heavy shock courses from my hands through my core. It’s like my heart’s the cavern of a pahu, and the branch is the hand that beats it. The reverberation sends me reeling backward.

If I wasn’t a happy naturalist, I would’ve been off and running to tell my family about the wicked, winding tree and its magic tricks. It takes a second of investigation to see that the wind’s leaned heavy where the arm’s elbow meets the earth, carving a small groove in the ground so that my slightest touch made it bounce like a ball.

I run and tell Mom about the magic trick.

“Place your hands as light as you can right here,” I instruct. Mom does, the tree responds, and she screams with delight.

But when we try it again, it does not work. Our two tiny touches have broken the delicate balance...

“Hello, leaf!

I want to see what you see,”

“Place your hands as light as you can right here,”

28 JULY 21 , 2011

This little piggy’s home again, home again, jiggety jog. I try to think of some ceremonious way to reenter civilization, but wind up at Long’s buying muchneeded Venus razor blades and vodka.

Standing in line, the guy behind me sniffs. It’s then I realize I’m stinking of sweat, dry stream beds, kiawe smoke and secrets.■ To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1505k

HOROSCOPE

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com +

Sign Language LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Being blamed for something youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not actually responsible for can be a terrible thing, especially when itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not easy to disprove. I wish you could just let this roll off your back, but unfortunately in this case, even if you can successfully not care, the consequences arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so easily shed. You know the truth, though, and eventually that will win outâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;just not as soon as youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d wish. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste a lot of time being indignant.

Stay calm, be forgiving, and maintain patienceâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;these are the keys to your sanity right now. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lose them or throw them away.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suffered some trauma from painful events theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve experienced. Some, of course, are worse than others, but you can rest assured that virtually everyone youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve encountered (unless theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re very new or lucky) has had to get over something (probably with varying degrees of success), not just you. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important that you come to these scenarios with as little of your own baggage as possible, so you can better deal with theirs. How successfully you can release the negative feelings associated with your own past is a factor in how good your present experiences are likely to be.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t often save someone from themselves, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trueâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; but that shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop you from trying. If a friend is engaged in self-destructive behavior, you should at least attempt to intervene. Naturally, they have to be a willing collaborator to truly fix the situation, but knowing someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keen to be there for them can go a long way towards making them ready to try. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let the messiness of the situationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or the potentially long road aheadâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;keep you from sincerely making the offer. Not only will you be glad you did later, for various reasons, but if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s quite likely to come back to bite you in the ass.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) I admire your willingness to not throw in the towel the second things get rough, but before you commit to a long dreary slog of hard work, honestly evaluate how much (or how little) youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve actually invested already, and the true potential of the situationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is it really worth it? Sometimes itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best for all concerned if you just cut things off and get a fresh start somewhere else. Only you can tell which category this scenario falls intoâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a situation with tremendous potential thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hit a rough patch, or something thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just too much effort for what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re likely to get out of it. Honestly figuring that out is this weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top priority.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) You Archers are rarely hoarders; in fact, many of you relish casting off stuff from your pasts. Throwing shit out can be joyfully freeing. However, there have been times when ouâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve regretted, later, some of the things you ditched. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not asking you to start lining your rooms with piles of junk, just in case, but evaluate how much space such things are actually taking up before you toss them in the trash. Can they happily reside out of sight and out of the way, in a box in your basement for a while? If so, consider that alternative.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one thing to keep kids in the dark or on a need-to-know basis about certain information; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s quite another to treat someone whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s purportedly your equal this way. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not talking about the truly harmless white lies that keep many a relationship afloat; I refer instead to truly deceptive behavior (sometimes simply by withholding information that would be important to the person in question (perhaps because you fear their reaction to it)). Full disclosure about everything can sink an otherwise happy boat, as you know, but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking about here. Important stuff needs to be said. Say it.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve heard the expression, â&#x20AC;&#x153;a bird in the hand is worth two

in the bush.â&#x20AC;? The idea is that if you decide to be greedy and go for more than you have, you could end up with nothing.

Given the current state of affairs, you should focus on being content with what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got, if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enough to get by (financially, emotionally, etc) for now, instead of actively pursuing moreâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which could get you in trouble you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really afford.

Chill out and focus on the amazing abundance in your life (itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s there, if you choose to notice it), instead of obsessing about whateverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s missing.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7 1. Running a Ponzi scheme that bilked 50 investors out of $8 million.

2. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Koreans really appreciate baseball--more so even than we do.â&#x20AC;?

3. True BONUS. 18.75 percent

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) People worry about the most absurd shit. It may shock you sometimes, the things you do that offend someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sensibilities, or make them uncomfortable. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re right and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re â&#x20AC;&#x153;wrong;â&#x20AC;? these things really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter in the grand scheme of things. However, they do appear to matter to them. Since you actually donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care that much one way or another, humor them, no matter how silly or â&#x20AC;&#x153;pointlessâ&#x20AC;? it seems. This will go a long way towards making your life easier and happier; as itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really no big deal to you, I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t imagine why you wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not a grudge-holder, generally. When you have something to say, you say itâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;then you move on, and usually forget all about it. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just fantastic. However, other people arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so good at getting things off their chests. They can hang onto things forever, things you wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste more than a day or three thinking about and dealing with. That means they can really catch you off guard when they finally reveal (probably through roundabout, passive-aggressive means) that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still pissed off about that thing that happened last month or last year. Try not to get too vexed about how silly they are for going there, after all this time. That wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help. Pretend this thing just happened yesterday, for the sake of keeping the peace, and rectify the situation.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Some things are worth saving; you recognize that even if they have no value (or even negative value) now, they may prove quite worthwhile later, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be glad you tucked them away in an attic for a time when you might want to see them again. However, you Bulls can take this to extremes, and end up with cluttered lives and/or living spaces. That suits you right down to the ground, but isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t necessarily so nice for anyone who shares your life or home. Being fair about the situation will probably mean making some concessions and letting go of stuff youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather not. However, unless youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to let go of your loved one, instead, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d suggest you do so without complaint.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) It can take some people ages to fully acknowledge and admit to their desires, particularly if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re unconventional.

Owning that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re attracted to fat, old people, for example, isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t something people can usually be open about early in their lives. So they go through the motions pretending to want a skinny young thing, because thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re â&#x20AC;&#x153;supposedâ&#x20AC;? to want. Naturally, this never ends particularly well.

You Geminis, who so often have paradoxically conflicting desires, are especially susceptible to this self-deception.

Is that whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on here? When will you admit toâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and pursueâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;what you really want? Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just hope that by then itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not too late.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) What you think you know about someone may be so far off base itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on another planet. Sometimes your â&#x20AC;&#x153;knowledgeâ&#x20AC;? is based on assumptions you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have made; occasionally, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the result of outright lies youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been told. Regardless, when the truth comes out, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s liable to be shocking. The more quickly you can get over your surprise and react from a conscious, thoughtful place, the less potentially messy and hurtful this situation will be. If you think youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to flip out, excuse yourself until you have a chance to chill outâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sake.

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