14.28 Blowing The Whistle On 2010, December 30, 2010, Volume 14, Issue 28, MauiTime

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ISSUE 28

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DECEMBER 30, 2010

Contents ✚

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s your New Year’s resolution, and when do you intend to break it?

Editor: Jacob Shafer (808) 283-1308 / jacob@mauitime.com @jacobshafer on Twitter Spend less time on my iPhone...hey, cool app!

Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter No more McDonald’s, Tuesday

ISSUE 28

5 NEWS & VIEWS

PHOTO BY J. ANTHONY MARTINEZ

VOLUME 14

From laughable gaffes to searing soundbites, they said it and we printed it; it’s the Year in Quotes. Art Director Chris Skiles reflects on the designs of 2010 in the Year in Covers. Illustrator Ron Pitts sketches out his favorite anonymous gripes in the Year in Eh Brah!

10 FEATURE STORY

Proofreader: Dina Wilson Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Rob Parsons, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Stop loaning money to friends, never Art Director: Chris Skiles chris@mauitime.com / lucky11studios.com Drink less beer, New Year’s Eve

From pineapple’s resurrection to Furlough Fridays to elections to the civil union veto, 2010 was full of hard-hitting, often penalty-worthy news. Now that the game’s over, we tally the score and recap.

It’s the Year in Review.

15 FOOD & DRINK

Graphic Designers: Shane Fontanilla, Naomi D. Sheikin, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Be less considerate to others, never

Jen Russo samples the Maui eateries that arrived in the Year in Restaurants, and scopes some good places to nurse your NYE hangover.

16 A&E

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter

Anu Yagi remembers the live shows that will live in infamy in the Year in Concerts, while the dudes from Requests compile their best-seller lists in the Year in Albums.

Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Stop giving staff box answers...damn!

Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Stay in touch with old friends, never

18 FILM CRITIQUE

Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Eat less and run more, December 31, 2011

Barry Wurst II reels through ten flicks that made 2010 great and ten that didn’t in the Year in Film.

- Happy New Year’s Sale - We’re Open! Saturday, January 1, 2011 Start the year with a Savings! Save 25% on ALL BATH & BODY PRODUCTS in our Gallery Gift Shop. Stock up on your Lavender Favorites for the New Year!

- Explore the Great Outdoors - Two Days Only Saturday, Sunday, January 1 & 2, 2011 Enjoy the pristine beauty of our farm by taking a easy walking, informative tour. Save 50% on all walking tours ($6 p/p savings) during these 2 days only. Walking tours offered at 9:30am, 10:30am, 11:30am, 1pm & 2:30pm. Advance reservations required.

- Living Wreath Making Saturday, January 1, 2011 - 10am Make a one-of-a-kind wreath of colorful succulents. Wreath base, succulents, supplies & instruction included. $40 + tax. Tea & scone at leisure included. Advance reservations required.

19 Film Capsules/Listings

20 THIS WEEK’S PICKS MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2010 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved.

Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime

The Maui Celebrity Series turns one, plus a bubbly-fueled New Year’s roundup.

22 Da Kine Calendar 23 Grid

28 BACK PAGES Kula Kid attends to family matters.

Sign Language tells Capricorn to grow a dream garden.

30 Classified

ON THE COVER: Photography by Jason Stitt Design by Chris Skiles

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- Contributor Norman Solomon, April 1

- Associate Editor Anu “Kula Kid” Yagi, July 1 - Editor Jacob Shafer, November 4

- Hawaii Republican Party Chair Jonah Ka‘auwai, in an e-mail sent to church groups that surfaced September 1

- Gov. Linda Lingle, July 6

- Ret. Col. Ann Wright of Oahu, discussing her arrest and capture by Israeli forces in an incident that left nine dead, in an August 12 MauiTime interview

“Duke [Aiona] will win because the Church has been behind him the entire time operating in the POWER and the AUTHORITY of the NAME OF JESUS!”

“After months of listening to Hawaii’s citizens express to me in writing and in person their deeply held beliefs and heartfelt reasons for supporting or opposing the civil unions bill, I have made the decision to veto HB444.”

“I’m flabbergasted and heartbroken that the Obama Administration has chosen to protect the wrongdoings of the Israeli government, as virtually every past administration has done.”

“[The Tea Party] is like a wave. All waves dissipate into the sand. No matter what kind of kinetic energy is associated with them, they dissipate into the sand.”

- Editor Jacob Shafer, discussing the consolidation of Oahu’s two daily newspapers, June 10

- Then-candidate Neil Abercrombie, in a June 3 MauiTime interview

“When voices disappear, when the number of outlets sifting and disseminating information decreases, that’s never a good thing.”

- Anti-war activist Kajihiro, who appeared on Maui on the anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing, in a July 29 MauiTime interview

- Publisher Tommy Russo, discussing local coverage of the tsunami scare, March 4

“Few backers of the health care bill want to dwell on its requirement that everyone get coverage from the private insurance industry—a stunning transfer of power and wealth that will greatly boost the leverage of an already autocratic corporate state.”

- Contributor Doug Levin, discussing Maui County’s lawsuit against Merrill Lynch over a $32 million investment gone bad, February 25

“The military-tourism economy is like a fast food diet. You can get plenty of calories from a fast food meal, but if that was the only food you ate, it would eventually make you obese and sick.”

- From MauiTime’s October 28 general election endorsements, in which we picked Arakawa over incumbent Charmaine Tavares

“It appears the County is on track to get out of this predicament. Whether they—and so many others—will avoid getting caught in the next financial bubble is another matter.”

- Mauian John Seebart, discussing the injectionwell issue in contributor Rob Parsons’s May 20 feature “Injecting Controversy”

“ The campaign is over. It’s time to put away the signs and slogans and matching T-shirts and get down to the messy, often frustrating work of governing.”

- Gov. Linda Lingle, proposing a Furlough Friday “solution” that teachers’ union President Wil Okabe said would violate state law, April 29

- Rep.Charles Djou, in a victory speech at state Republican headquarters, May 22

“I think we have a right to a higher standard by the people we employ in government...the solutions are not rocket science. The County needs to act, or pay the consequences.”

“Some people dismiss social media services like Twitter as frivolous and narcissistic. But that’s missing the point. They’re just tools—what matters is what we do with them. And this week, when the sirens blared and the water threatened to rise, what we did with them definitely mattered.”

“ The time is right for Hawaii to unleash a project of this nature.

We have the talent in front of the camera, the experience behind it.”

- ACLU Hawaii spokesperson Laurie Temple, discussing TSA’s controversial screening procedures in a December 2 MauiTime interview

“We have sent a message to the United States Congress. We have sent a message to the national Democrats. We have sent a message to the machine.”

2010

- Writer-director Brian Kohne, discussing his Maui-made film Get A Job in a November 24 MauiTime interview

“I have complained bitterly about this. I am an Upcountry girl. All my life I’ve felt, what is more Upcountry than Makawao? Only to find out my home isn’t in the [Upcountry] district.”

- Councilmember Gladys Baisa, after it was revealed that she maintained a tax exemption on a home in Makawao despite claiming to reside in Kula, in a March 11 MauiTime interview

“Allowing the government to take naked pictures and touch our bodies just goes too far. Once we betray our own values, we stop looking like a free America, and the terrorists win.”

“I am calling upon teachers and principals to voluntarily agree to come back for the remaining three days this school year. This would be a welcome and significant gesture to heal our community.”

- Officer David Bratzer of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, discussing his group’s work in a January 14 MauiTime interview

“We’re under no illusions that Alan Arakawa will wave a magic wand and make our problems disappear, and we’re quite certain that if he’s elected we’ll have cause to criticize his decisions.”

“Every police officer should question whether the War on Drugs is worth fighting, particularly when there are other policy options that would result in less crime, addiction, disease and death.”

“Crises come and crises go. But in the end, bitter or no, it is totally worth it. Even if just for the drugs and prune juice.”

The Year in Quotes

“This isn’t about jobs versus trees. It’s about recognizing what kind of planning needs to be done when you have such a rich heritage site.”

- Biologist Lee Altenberg, discussing native plant protection at the Wailea 670 development in contributor Lucienne De Naie’s September 30 feature “Life of the Land”

“While [Ka‘auwai] has the freedom of speech and the freedom of religion to make such a statement, the general public needs to understand that he does not speak for all Christians.”

- Rev. John Heidel of the Interfaith Alliance Hawaii, in an October 28 MauiTime interview

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DECEMBER 30, 2010

BY CHRIS SKILES

NEWS&VIEWS

chris@mauitime.com + @lucky11studios on Twitter

The Year in Covers

2010

A Note From The Art Director: This was a big year for MauiTime from a design perspective. We set the bar high in 2009, earning multiple awards and accolades, but we wanted to take it up a notch in 2010. And I think we did, mixing compelling photography with appearances by some big-name illustrators and two award-winning guest art directors and, oh yeah, putting out our annual Best of Maui issue in 3Dâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;an unprecedented undertaking for a print publication. But more than tooting our own horn, we want to thank you, the reader, for your love, constructive criticism and, most of all, for picking us up every week and supporting independent media on Maui. Mahaloâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and here's to an even better 2011!

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DECEMBER 30, 2010

BY RON PITTS

NEWS&VIEWS

ron@mauitime.com

The Year in Eh Brah!

Our illustrator reflects on his favorite anonymous gripes and the drawings they inspired 2010

O

nce again, it’s that festive time of year when we look back and take stock; a special time when we prepare heartfelt personal resolutions and apply what we’ve learned over the past 12 months. “Happy New Year!” we all will proclaim into the starry night, our pointy little hats precariously tilted over our squinty little eyes. Bully! Hooray for us! We are going to resolve to be better, all of us as a collective. And we’re gonna start as soon as the bartender either gets us a cab or gives us back our car keys.

Then, on January 1, after copious amounts of aspirin, we will get back on the hamster wheel and forget everything.

We will be discourteous, uncaring, rude, bawdy, inconsiderate and threatening.

Then, when we get out of the car, we will allow our pets to run amok, play our TV and stereos too loud, stumble around half naked, drunk, stoned and cocked.

Of course, nothing is etched in stone—I’m just citing past practices. The human tendency toward disorder and the underlying beast that lurks in most of us.

And it’s my hope that my prophecy prevails.

The more dysfunctional we become as an island people, the more fun I have drawing the Eh Brah! illustrations. You’ve all stood me in good stead over the years, but I think we can do better! I firmly believe that if we really put our diabolical minds to it, we can become ever more absurd as a society and—while no good will come of it—I can look forward to more “future classics” streaming from my MacBook (with a nod to Wacom and their miraculous digital tablets).

Here are three Eh Brahs! I found

find them at tee time on the greens at Wailea. You can’t miss them—the stuff they produce that “doesn’t stink” comes from their heads. So it was with the tale of a fedup shave-ice server and the ass of a golfer who inspired this September 2 Eh Brah!

THE TERRORIST ATTACK ON MAUI

particularly “inspiring,” coupled with a little insight and embellishment...

WHEN MOM MELTED DOWN June 16 gave us all some insight into the parallel universe of motherhood, that finest and highest of callings all-too-often soiled by stupidity. The writer called out a playground Mom who was more W.C Fields than Sally Fields. The best part—for me—was drawing the beer swilling, buttsmoking toddler. Was it right? Hell no!

Was it inferred by the writer? Not exactly.

Was it funny (to me at least)? Yes. Oscar Wilde once said, “Comedy is tragedy plus time.” I gave it about 10 minutes.

WHY THE ARRIVAL

TERMINAL AT THE KAHULUI AIRPORT SHOULD BE PAVED OVER Every few hours, the big silver shiny thing that goes “whoosh” through the air lands on Maui and disgorges a pack of Mainlanders. They choke the checkout aisles at Costo. They gawk and rubberneck while driving and parking unfamiliar rental cars not unlike Helen Keller piloting a Zamboni. They complain about the prices here and sometimes (quite often, actually) bitch about not getting the kama‘aina discounts. And the ones that are lavished with luxury in “business class” (nee first class) admonish those of us who provide for their destination comforts and loudly proclaim their self importance. You usually

While there are visible shell holes in the structures surrounding Pearl Harbor from Dec 7, 1941, there are invisible scars to the psyches of the male (and some female) members of the population of Maui from the Great Terror Attack of September 16, 2010. That’s the day the Coward of the County boarded a plane to the Mainland and left the ominous bomb in the Eh Brah! inbox. The Bomb of herpes (or as he put it “the unfun” venereal disease).

Who, when and where this act took place was as nebulous as the division between dusk and nightfall, but the tremors were sharply defined and measurable.

Somebody infected someone and ‘fessed up after TSA cleared their luggage. Ah, herpes—the gift that keeps on taking. ■

You can see Ron Pitts’s other, noncartoonish fine art samplings at the Ambrosia Martini Lounge in Kihei or on his blog, ehbrah. blogspot.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1428e

DECEMBER 30, 2010

9

Is life like football or is football like life? Let’s see: one involves unnecessary roughness, revolves around money and encourages gambling and excessive drinking— and the other is played on Sunday.

Another similarity between life and America’s real pastime (sorry baseball, ratings don’t lie): each is conveniently divided into four quarters.

CHEAP SHOTS, FALSE STARTS AND HAIL MARYS:

BLOWING THE WHISTLE ON 2010 FIRST QUARTER As the year races out of the tunnel, an injured player limps back onto the field: Hali‘imaile Pineapple Company, the new and (allegedly) improved version of Maui Land & Pineapple’s defunct agricultural arm. CEO Darren Strand—formerly of ML&P—promises the company will save jobs and offer “new hope” for the future of the iconic

10 DECEMBER 30, 2010

fruit... As the Furlough Friday mess slogs on, incoming Superintendent Kathryn Matayoshi says Hawaii’s public school system will “stay the course”—the same course that’s gotten us bottomof-the-heap test scores and the fewest instructional days in the nation... Rep. Neil Abercrombie announces he’s quitting Congress to spend more time with his gubernatorial campaign, and state Senate President Colleen Hanabusa and former Congressman Ed Case

BY JACOB SHAFER reach quickly for their hats... The annual Kapalua Golf Tournament kicks off, minus one high-profile participant.

Word is he’s having marital problems involving a nine iron and a smashed windshield... Karl Rove is invited to speak at the Hawaii GOP’s annual Lincoln Day fundraiser, perhaps in the hope that a little of his magic Swift Boat dust will rub off on Duke Aiona... To the consternation of Mayor and gubernatorial hopeful Mufi Hannemann, Gov. Linda

So let’s flip the coin and kick off a recap of the brutal, bonecrushing, down-tothe-wire game that was 2010...

Lingle continues to drag her feet on the Honolulu rail, citing a desire to thoroughly study the Environmental Impact Statement. Because as we all know, if there’s one thing Gov. Lingle won’t tolerate it’s massive transportation projects moving forward without a completed EIS... Speaking of Gov. Lingle, she delivers her final State of the State address, and earns mostly high marks from even her harshest critics (including us). Though, as Maui Sen. Kalani English puts it,

“the rhetoric was nice, but substance and meat need to follow.”... On the subject of speeches, President Obama delivers his first State of the Union, a predictable mix of rousing applause lines and depressing doublespeak, plus one “oh-no-youdihn’t” moment when he calls out the Supreme Court for lifting restrictions on corporate campaign contributions, drawing a head wag from a squirming Chief Justice Roberts... The state House quashes a Senate-approved version of same-sex civil union bill HB444, a year after the Senate quashed a House-approved version. The only person who hasn’t killed the thing is Gov. Lingle... And the speeches roll on: Mayor Charmaine Tavares delivers her final State of the County address, and (strangely foreshadowing this very story) sprinkles it with tortured football analogies, even managing to sneak in an endorsement of the onside-kick.

Seriously... Gov. Lingle jets over to Maui to speak at a Chamber of Commerce luncheon (and to ignore a group of Furlough Friday protesters) and finds time to ramp up her war of words with the teachers’ union. After HSTA President Wil Okabe accuses Lingle of “clinging stubbornly to her mantra,” Lingle fires back, Kanye-style: “Union leaders care more about money than educating Hawaii’s children.”... More fallout from the Great Recession: Maui County sues Merrill Lynch over a failed $32 million investment, making, essentially, the same claim as millions of Americans: they were duped... An 8.8 quake in Chile sets off a tsunami warning in Hawaii. Sirens blare, evacuations are ordered and then... nothing, other than a collective sigh of relief... Honolulu Councilmember Charles Djou says he’s running for Neil Abercrombie’s old seat as a Republican. Normally that wouldn’t even be news, but with two stubborn, vote-splitting Dems in the winnertake-all race, the national GOP starts licking its chops... Hawaii residents run in fear of the Census, apparently under the (almost cute) assumption that this is the only way the government can gather information about them...

The latest effort by Maui Dance Advocates to get the LC to define its First Amendment-skirting dancing rules stumbles, as a bill introduced by Rep. Joe Bertram dies in committee.

At least we get to keep making

Footloose jokes... The short-staffed state Department of Health continues to field dozens of requests for Obama’s birth certificate each month, and spokesperson Janice Okubo tells us the majority of the inquiries are coming “from about four or five people.”... A Reader’s Digest survey claiming that Hawaii has the 49th-worst roads in the country reveals, shockingly, that Reader’s Digest still exists...

SCORE: Political Speeches: 3, Tsunamis: 0

SECOND QUARTER Congress passes a health care bill that won’t actually get everyone health care, and won’t really take effect for a few years, and doesn’t feature a public option, and is largely supported by the insurance companies. Yay?...

Apple releases the iPad, and a Maui visitor pub is among the first to submit an approved app. Cool factoid, though somehow we think the device was going to sell OK anyway... Save Our Schools Hawaii joins the Lingle Furlough Friday-bashing, accusing the Governor of “blatant, reckless behavior” and “schoolyard bully tactics.” Lingle responds by calling SOS “misinformed” and encouraging the group to aim its ire at the teachers’ union... Walgreens cuts the ribbon on its new Kahului store amid protests from local carpenters who claim they were shut out in favor of cheaper, imported labor. A store spokesperson says the protesters “have that right.” Just like the ones in Michigan, and West Virginia, and California, and New Jersey, and...

Beleaguered Councilmember Sol Kaho‘ohalahala—still facing a drawnout residency challenge—announces he’s running for Mayor, joining a rapidly growing field that already includes former Mayor Alan Arakawa...

Proving that hypocrisy and politics are still like papaya and lime, Charles Djou decries Mainland intrusion into Hawaii’s Congressional race even as he accepts hundreds of thousands of dollars from Mainland PACs and appears on multiple FOX News shows—including an embarrassing softball-fest with Sean Hannity. Meanwhile, it becomes increasingly clear that Djou is going to win... As the BP oil spill worsens, former FEMA head Michael “Heckuva Job” Brownie weighs in, telling (once again) FOX News that it’s all part of Obama’s anti-Big Oil agenda. Sadly,

plans to use Brownie to plug the leak prove unsuccessful... Unemployment claims decline on Maui and tourist arrivals inch upward, signs that the worst of the economic freefall may be over. Optimism is muted by the fact that a lot of people still don’t have money and/or jobs... Yes, indeed, Djou wins the special election, with Hanabusa finishing second and Case third, though their combined votes would have been more than enough. Amid the obligatory fist-pumping, Djou tells his supporters one very prescient thing: “If anything, what the people of Hawaii have given us is a short-term lease with an option to buy.”... Professional baseball returns to Maui, as Na Koa Ikaika of the independent Golden Baseball League starts playing home games at Wailuku’s Maehara Stadium... The Honolulu Advertiser and Honolulu Star-Bulletin officially become the Honolulu Star Advertiser. Print journalism, already curled in the fetal position and missing one shoe, whimpers softly... A political stench continues to rise from the County’s sewage injection wells, as concerns about reef damage, water quality and public safety bubble over. And the Tavares Administration keeps holding its nose and looking the other way... The state Water Commission makes its ruling in the Na Wai Eha contested case, ordering Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar to return a fraction of the streamflow environmental and Native Hawaiian advocates had hoped for.

Commissioner Lawrence Miike issues a scathing dissent, accusing the commission of “failing in its duties... as trustee of the state’s public water resource.”... Maui County moves to ban the use of cell phones while driving. We point out that there’s already a law on the books that prohibits all manner of distracted driving and that the new law is more political grandstanding than sound policy. Shockingly, it passes anyway...

SCORE: Charles Djou & FOX News: 1; Colleen Hanabusa & Ed Case: 0

THIRD QUARTER With the death of West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd, Hawaii Sen. Dan Inouye becomes the longest-serving member of the Senate and is given the title of President Pro-Tempore, meaning he’s three heartbeats away from

the Presidency... Mauian W.S. Merwin is named U.S. Poet Laureate, a fact that would surely swell the hearts of thousands of Mauians—if they knew what the U.S. Poet Laureate was...

Lihue Airport on Kauai starts using “advanced imaging” machines that can see through people’s clothing. There’s a mild outcry, but TSA assures us everything’s fine... Gov. Lingle ends months of speculation by vetoing civil union bill HB444, which the legislature miraculously revived and passed. So now everyone’s had their turn playing coward... We release our annual Best of Maui issue in eye-popping 3D and start a new islandwide fashion trend: dorky cardboard glasses... The candidate filing deadline passes and the mud-slinging begins in earnest, with former Mayor Arakawa criticizing Mayor Tavares on his radio show, saying her costly ninth-floor office renovations—supposedly done to beef up security—were unnecessary, adding, “If someone wanted to shoot the Mayor...the parking lot’s wide open.”... Gov. Lingle nominates Judge Katherine Leonard as Hawaii’s next Chief Justice—the first female to be considered for the post—and the state Bar Association promptly dubs Leonard “unqualified.” Lingle cries sexism, but the legislature agrees and Leonard is ultimately rejected... In a move that disappoints many but surprises few, the Maui County Council ditches a plan to change the way the Maui County Council is elected.

Sure it’s a flawed system— but it worked for them!... Mufi Hannemann releases a controversial campaign mailer asking voters to “compare and decide” between him and Neil Abercrombie.

Among the points of comparison: the fact that Abercrombie was born in New York and Hannemann on Oahu, and the fact that Hannemann’s wife has a Japanese name and Abercrombie’s wife has a haole one. Out of the election but not the headlines, Ed Case blasts Hannemann for perpetuating the “closed view that only local counts.”...

Lingle tries again, nominating Judge Mark Recktenwald to head up the high court, and the second time proves to be a charm. Whether Recktenwald’s qualifications or Y chromosome tipped the scales remains unknown...

State Republican Party »

DECEMBER 30, 2010 11

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» Chair and sore-fisted Bible-thumper Jonah Ka‘auwai sends an e-mail to church groups declaring that Duke Aiona will be Hawaii’s next Governor because he’s backed by “the POWER and the AUTHORITY of the NAME OF JESUS!”—and Aiona practices the fine art of backpedaling like hell...

President Obama trumpets the end of combat operations in Iraq, even as tens of thousands of U.S. soldiers remain there indefinitely. In other news: the recession is over, but doubledigit unemployment persists... Hawaii and Maui hold primary elections with few major surprises—including, unfortunately, low voter turnout...

Just days after the election, one of the winners—West Maui Council candidate Elle Cochran—faces revelations that she was arrested and pleaded guilty in the early ’90s in connection with an armed robbery. Cochran calls the incident a “dark chapter” in her life, and tells us it’s a “relief ” the secret’s out... Seven years after its founding, a little babycarrier company in Pukalani called ERGO sells for $91 million... A UH telescope on Haleakala discovers an asteroid that could be on a collision course with Earth—in 2098...

SCORE: Civil rights: 0; Cowardice: 444

FOURTH QUARTER Ground is broken on phase two of the Lahaina Bypass, putting it on target for completion in the next decade—hopefully. Add years of planning and delays, and the nine-mile stretch of road between Launiupoko and Honokowai will have taken

longer to create than the Panama Canal... The Alakai and Huakai— the vessels formerly known as the Superferry—are purchased at a Virginia auction by the U.S. Maritime Administration for $25 million apiece. That would be the same MARAD that was owed close to $140 million by Hawaii Superferry Inc., which was controlled by J.F. Lehman & Co., which was founded by former Secretary of the Navy John F. Lehman. So: the government bought a pair of boats it basically already owned, using a loan given to a company backed by a former highranking government official. Sounds about right... Once again, the County decides not to close Front Street for Halloween in Lahaina— an event that once generated $3 million for West side businesses—and the party, not coincidentally, fizzles like a melted candle in a wet pumpkin...

Honolulu holds its own Rally to Restore Sanity in conjunction with Jon Stewart’s Washington event.

Sanity, tragically, is not restored... At long last the general election arrives.

Voters in the 1st Congressional District opt not to buy, and Colleen Hanabusa ends Djou’s short stint in D.C. Maui chooses a new/old Mayor in Alan Arakawa and makes mostly safe, predictable picks for the Council (though Cochran’s arrest doesn’t hurt her and she

cruises to victory). At the state level Neil Abercrombie and Brian Schatz defeat Duke Aiona and Lynn Finnegan (and Jesus) to become the oldest Governor and youngest Lieutenant Governor in state history. Meanwhile Republicans— who win big nationwide thanks to Tea Party angst—see their power at the state level shrink to almost zero (quite literally in the Senate, where the GOP retains only one member, Sen. Sam Slom). In the wake of the drubbing, Republican activist Eric Ryan calls on all state party heads to resign immediately, telling them they should be “ashamed of themselves.”... Kauai surfing legend Andy Irons dies, sending a ripple of sadness through the state and inspiring a moving memorial on the Garden Isle... TSA’s naked screening machines and intrusive patdowns spark widespread outrage, as “don’t touch my junk” becomes a national catchphrase. TSA’s response?

Don’t worry, everything’s fine... And so we stumble, blood-spattered and mud-crusted, to the goal line, the ball still miraculously clutched under our arm. We’ve got some new and old politicians, some new and old problems and maybe, just maybe, a glimmer of hope that the next game will be a blowout—in our favor. It’s a lot to ask for, sure, and the opposition is formidable, but you know what they say about any given Sunday... ■

SCORE: Cautious Optimism:10; Junk-Touching: -10 To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1428a

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FOOD & DRINK

BY JEN RUSSO jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso on Twitter

The Year in Restaurants Economic gloom didn’t sour these intrepid eateries

I

Pita Paradise Wailea

Josh Richardson, 808 Bistro

Star Noodle

PHOTOS BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

t’s the end of the year, a time for predictions, reflections and celebration. The food and beverage industry had a promising 2010; despite the recession, statistics showed people are still eating out and spending money on food. That suggests it’s not merely about sustenance, but the social aspect of dining. What does this mean for Maui? It’s not only visitors who patronize restaurants—locals love food, too.

New restaurants opened, and though they may struggle, many marked one-year anniversaries with the hope for more. Happy first birthdays include: Bistro Casanova, Diamonds Ice Bar & Grill, David Paul’s Island Grill, Max Bistro, Duke’s Beach House, TiaJuana’s and Monsoon India.

Perhaps owing to the collective belttightening, 2010 saw an influx of food trucks on-island. The area I dubbed “food court by the sea” on Kahului Beach Road has blossomed into a bustling market of prepared foods, especially on Saturdays.

You can get fresh grilled meat plates for $6, shrimp, tamales, lau laus, chow fun, hekka and fresh cuts of fish, all by simply pulling off of the side of the road into what was once an empty dirt lot.

Frozen yogurt came back with a vengeance. Tutti Fruity in Kahului was the first, and earned a loyal following. In Paia, Green Banana started slinging its own frozen concoction, along with healthy smoothies, while Yogurtland opened at the Kaahumanu Center and Pinkberry at the airport. Meanwhile, Ono Gelato (technically not frozen yogurt, but in the frigid treat department) expanded islandwide.

Wailuku saw a pair of closings and re-openings: Cafe Marc Aurel became Wailuku Coffee Company and Maui Bake Shop renovated and returned.

Four Sisters Bakery opened a second

PLACES TO NURSE YOUR NYE HANGOVER location on Vineyard, for brunch and lunch, featuring Asian favorites and plate lunches.

King’s Chinese BBQ opened on Market, featuring wallet-friendly breakfasts: meat, egg and rice plates for $2.99.

In Lahaina, Star Noodle created the biggest buzz of the year. Its gorgeous Zen interior aligns with the modern Asian cuisine, and Chef Sheldon Simeon modestly serves up some of the most delicious noodle dishes and dim sum favorites available on the planet. Seriously.

Speaking of dim sum, Lahaina Cafe opened on Wainee Street, offering inexpensive and delicious dumplings and the best Vietnamese BBQ chicken and vermicelli noodles on-island. Even better, they now boast a fully equipped bar.

Captain Jack’s on Front Street is a familyfriendly, pirate-themed open-air spot, and

serves a great Philly cheesesteak, fish and chips and cute chicks in Pirates of the Caribbean outfits. Just down the street, Banyan Tree Deli bakes fresh bread and sweets, and offers fresh-made gourmet sandwiches.

In South Maui, existing restaurants saw an opportunity to expand. Chef Bev Gannon launched the luxurious and beautiful Gannon’s With the Red Bar in Wailea.

The 808 Deli folks opened 808 Bistro, a BYOB hot spot for comfort food. Also in the comfort food arena, the owners of Fat Daddy’s opened the takeout gourmet burger joint, Fat Boy Burgers. Their incredible burgers are served on fresh-baked buns, with homemade dressings and hand-made beef patties, and the sweet potato fries are to die for.

The Arabatzis family, known for the casual Pita Paradise in Kihei Kalama Village, opened an elegant Wailea version. The full bar, air-conditioned dining room and delectable authentic Mediterranean fare is off the hook, and the family catches its own fish, too.

Two other Kihei joints opened at the new Lipoa Center: the rockin’ Kiwi Roadhouse, featuring live entertainment and New Zealand cuisine like savory meat pies, and the family-oriented fun zone Sharkey’s where the keiki can play on a pirate ship while Mom and Dad grind pizza and beer. ■

Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 280-3286 or fax to 244-0446 To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1428d To 97.3 K-Rock during the ForAmore news, visit Trainfoodie with Johnny A atMauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com 5:20pm every Friday for Jen Russo’s tastings of the week.

TUNE IN

O

ne of my first lines of defense against a booming, boozeinduced headache is a steaming bowl of ramen noodles. Ramen Ya at Kaahumanu Center is open New Year’s Day and offers the best menu combos.

Lucky Lahaina dwellers can enjoy Star Noodle for any of their saimin bowls, made with rich pork broth. Upcountry, head to Pukalani’s Weiwei or Cafe 808 in Kula. Wokstar International has you covered in Kihei.

Pizza is my current hangover craving.

Crisp doughy crust with tangy tomato sauce and gooey mozzarella paired with a cold cola is just the thing to line your queasy tummy. Maui Brewing Co. Pub in Kahana has topnotch pizza and a special bonus: craft beer (can you say “hair of the dog”?) Upcountry, Serpico’s will be open at noon; all of their New York-style pizzas rock. And Pizza Madness in Kihei offers a nice air-conditioned bubble.

If you’ve really overdone the Jaeger and Goldschlager, you might need a more traditional breakfast—eggs, pancakes and greasy meats—to soak up that liquor.

Stella Blues in Kihei opens at 8am with a regular breakfast menu that can miraclecure your overconsumption ailments. At Charley’s Saloon in Paia, the staff will be there with bells on at 7am, dishing their signature North shore breakfasts. In Central Maui, Tasty Crust will be closed, but don’t despair: try Ruby’s diner for some cinnamon swirl French toast. On the West side, Sea House in Napili Kai has an amazing ocean view, which might even take your mind off those throbbing temples. - JR

DECEMBER 30, 2010 15

BY ANU YAGI

A&E

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

The Year in Concerts

M

usic—especially live music—is catharsis for performer and patron alike. It transforms our mood, inspires our aesthetic and cultivates our disposition. A good show can be commerce for the soul, an exchange of energy, a collective experience.

Here’s a select sampling of shows that had high-volume buzz on my scene scanner.

Compiled of insights—partly empirical, partly anecdotal, partly chemical—I think they represent an interesting cross-section of how and why Maui likes to party.

I’d be remiss to not kick off with Zeptember at Mulligans on the Blue (September 24). Not because yours truly was the blessed benefactor of the evening (helping me take a big bite out of leukemia bills), but because—objectively speaking— it’s truly been the one 2010 show that’s generated lingering ovations. Zeptember raged for myriad reasons, foremost because it was well-organized. Promotion hit all the right notes from the printed page to the KAOI airwaves, and the night itself was augmented by just the right dose of quality memorabilia. Also, Mulligans is inherently a good venue, with ample parking, big bathrooms and ergonomic access to outside areas, allowing people to catch a breather from the heat of the happy, hopping crowd.

But that’s all logistics—now let’s talk ideology. Zeptember’s lineup was unprecedented, with too many of Maui’s musical elite to mention them all in this small space. The equivalent of a UN summit for Valley Isle ear candy confectioners, there was at least one topnotch representative from every gig-able genre—all of whom tackled (and nailed!) Led Zeppelin tunes.

Because of that, it was also the bestdocumented event of the year, with every famous local photographer on-hand, each

PHOTOS BY BRENDAN SMITH

The live shows that were really, like, live

snapping literally thousands of shots.

Though my ugly mug ruined a lot of the frames, the images capture something reminiscent of “We Are The World,” but, you know, in a cool way.

The show also spotlighted the camaraderie that exists among these performers and the musical alliances that stand to be—and were, that night—forged. Because as much as we have to be proud of, we still have untapped opportunities. In that sense, Zeptember was more than a show—it was a step toward an era of enlightened entertainment.

If Zeptember showcased the talent we’ve already got, the 2010 Battle of the Bands (May 15), also at Mulligans, was a crystal ball peek into the future. Moth stole the show—inspiring me to write of their “opportunistic, mathematically mastered notes... rolling around like a mouthful of magic jujubes”—but of BOTB 2010, MauiTime’s own Ynez Tongson said best:

“It wasn’t long until Sharpie-scrawled autographs ran off the fans’ chests like eyeliner and the walls perspired... People had to be sedated and were already dancing with themselves—lucky no one fought the law.” Now that’s a party.

When you’re in the mood to be moved, but not necessarily move enough to swap sweat with strangers, Stella Blues Cafe’s “Supper Club” nights have quickly become the preeminent locale for incomparably intimate dinner concerts. The acoustic design is divine, the spirit behind the operation is pono and you can’t go wrong with any of their offerings. My hands-down favorite headliners are Paula Fuga and Mike Love, whose soulful sensibility plucks at your heartstrings, rendering moments of musical reckoning that make you genuinely happy to be human.

Akin to Fuga and Love’s conscious lyricism—though a wormhole’s whoosh away stylistically—Maui is now home to

the one and only Cory Scoffern aka The Grouch, who recently took Casanova by storm (November 13). Described by MauiTime contributor Sara Tekula as a “straightforward,” “bona fide independent music hustler,” The Grouch says he wants to bring a legit hip-hop scene to Maui—along with some of his famous friends. Scenesters are chomping at the bit to get the caravan going, and proved it by turning out en masse to the Upcountry hub. Expect more.

Speaking of transplants, Texan-turnedmostly-Mauian Willie Nelson has long been the celebrity visage of Paia’s Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon. Taking the torch with aplomb, his son Lukas Nelson, with Promise of the Real, has been putting on some all-the-rage psychedelic soirees worth the trip to the North shore.

We’ve kept our focus local, but also worth mentioning are the many big-name outside acts who’ve hauled their gear across sky and over sea. Maui has historically been a mere Oahu afterthought—if that—but this year we drew the likes of Mos Def at the Maui Theatre (August 7), 311 (April 10) and Sublime with Rome (November 21) at the MACC, The Dead Kennedys (October 22) plus Mickey Avalon and Andre Nickatina (December 4) at the Hard Rock Cafe, and DJ Logic at Charley’s (November 5)—just to name a few.

Ultimately, the crowd as much as the artist is responsible for making a show memorable. And you know what, Maui?

We’ve done a damn fine job in 2010. Sure we’ve got room to grow and improve, but if ever there was a year to say nana nana boo boo to the naysayers of the Valley isle music scene, this was it. Bring it on, 2011. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1428c

16 DECEMBER 30, 2010

BY ANU YAGI & THE DUDES FROM REQUESTS

A&E

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

The Year in Albums

Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only record store catalogues the music that matteredâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in list form

1. ONE INITY, One Life (One Inity); oneinity.com 2. ANUHEA, Anuhea (OneHawaii Music); anuheajams. com 3. THE GREEN, The Green (SHD Records); thegreen808.com 4. INNA VISION, Ashes Four Your Urn (Cultural Vision Maui); innavisionmusic.com 5. MAOLI, Rock Easy (Pacific Island Records); maoliexclusive.com

REGGAE 1. ALI CAMPBELL, Flying High (Jacaranda Music Ltd.); alicampbell. net 2. ALBOROSIE, Escape from Babylon (Greensleeves Records); myspace. com/alborosie 3. NAS / DAMIEN MARLEY, Distant Relatives (Universal Republic Records / Def Jam Recordings); distantrelatives.com 4. FAT FREDDYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DROP, Dr Boondigga and the Big BW (The Drop); fatfreddysdrop.com 5. BOOMSHOT, Straight Up Conscious (self-produced); djboomshot.com

ROCK 1. THE BLACK KEYS, Brothers (Nonesuch Records); theblackkeys.com 2. ARCADE FIRE, The Suburbs (Merge Records); arcadefire.com 3. VAMPIRE

HIP HOP 1. CHALI 2NA, Fish Market Part 2 (Decon Records); chali2na.com 2. THE ROOTS, How I Got Over (Def Jam Recordings) / Wake Up! (Columbia, GOOD Music, Sony); theroots.com 3. THE GROUCH, Three Eyes Off The Time (Legendary Music / Simple Man); therealgrouch.com 4. CEE LO GREEN, The Lady Killer (Elektra Records); ceelogreen.com 5. KID CUDI, Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager (GOOD Music; Universal Motown Records); kidcudi.com

SOUL 1. SADE, Solider of Love (RCA Records / Epic Records); sade.com 2. ALOE BLACC, Good Things (Stones Throw Records); aloeblacc.com 3. SHARON JONES & THE DAP-KINGS, I Learned the Hard Way (Daptone Records); sharonjonesandthedapkings.com 4. FITZ & THE TANTRUMS, Pickinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Up The Pieces (Dangerbird Records); fitzandthetantrums.com 5. J.ROCC, J.Rocc vs. J.Man (Stones Throw Records); stonesthrow.com/jrocc

(Last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hot stuff that kept up the heat, and CDs Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just now getting hip to) 1. MUSE, The Resistance (ATCO Records, Helium 3, Mushroom Records); muse.mu 2. MAJOR LAZER, Guns Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Kill People... Lazers Do (Downtown Records); majorlazer.com 3. SCRATCH PERVERTS, Beatdown (Fabric Records); myspace.com/ scratchperverts 4. YEAH YEAH YEAHS, Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Blitz!

(Interscope Records); yeahyeahyeahs.com 5. LA ROUX, La Roux (Polydor); laroux.co.uk

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (Requestsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; picks for discs they wish made the list) 1. THE BIRD AND THE BEE, Interpreting the Masters Volume 1: A Tribute to Daryl Hall and John Oates (Blue Note Records); thebirdandthebee.com 2. SHE & HIM,(Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward), Volume One (Merge Records) / Volume 2 (Double Six Records / P-Vine Records); sheandhim.com 3. LOCAL H, Twelve Angry Months (Shout!

Factory); localh.com 4. THE SUZAN, Golden Week for the Poco Poco Beat (Downtown Records / Foolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gold Records); myspace.com/thesuzan 5. THE 22-20S, Shake/Shiver/Moan (TBD Records); the22-20s.com

HIGH SELLERS WE HATE TO SELL

1. MAJOR LAZER, Lazers Never Die (Downtown Records); majorlazer.com 2. RUSKO, O.M.G.! (Mad Decent); ruskoonfire.com 3. CHROMEO, Business Casual (Atlantic Records / WEA Records); chromeo.net 4. AMPLIVE, Murder at the Discotech (Om Records); amplivesworld.com 5. SKREAM, Outside The Box (Tempa); myspace.com/skreamuk

(Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all numbered â&#x20AC;&#x153;2â&#x20AC;? because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re poo) 2. EMINEM, Recovery (Aftermath Entertainment / Shady Records); eminem.com 2. GUCCI MANE, Appeal: Georgiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Most Wanted (Asylum Records); guccimane.com 2. KE$HA, Animal (RCA Records); keshaparty.com 2. LIL WAYNE, I Am Not A Human Being (Cash Money Records / Young Money Entertainment / Universal Motown Records); lilwayneonline.com 2. NICKI MINAJ, Pink Friday (Universal Motown Records); nickiminajfans.com â&#x2013;

MAINSTAYS & LATE BLOOMERS

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WEEKEND, Contra (XL Recordings); vampireweekend.com 4. BROKEN BELLS, Broken Bells (Columbia Records); brokenbells.com 5. GORILLAZ, Plastic Beach (Parlphone / Virgin Record); gorillaz.com

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What began as a simple rundown for their blog (bahayboys.blogspot.com) steadily grew to cover six major genres plus three supplemental categories. Not wanting their efforts wasted, Smith and Pacubas pitched MauiTime. It was a a no-brainer. Not only is it perfectly timed for this weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s issue, but we hold their judicious taste in high regard (and you should, too).

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DECEMBER 30, 2010 17

BY BARRY WURST II

FILM

barry@mauitime.com

The Year in Film Ten movies that made 2010 great...

...AND TEN THAT DIDN’T

T

his will almost certainly be remembered as the Year of 3D, and that’s fitting—3D can do amazing things, but here’s something it can’t do: make a movie great. Similarly, 2010 was full of intriguing, eye-popping yet ultimately disappointing films. In fact, none of the movies in my top ten were shot or screened in 3D (though Toy Story 3 narrowly missed the cut). Two-dimensional though they may be, all of these are worth watching again—or discovering for the first time.

2. Black Swan It’s completely nuts—like Wes Craven directing a performance of The Nutcracker—but the fact that something so challenging, erotic and brilliant came out of Hollywood is nothing short of astonishing. Natalie Portman’s performance is a career milestone, though give special notice to Barbara Hershey, whose subtle and terrifying turn provides the key to the dark mystery at the heart of Darren Aronofsky’s cracked masterpiece.

3. Cyrus My favorite entry at this year’s Maui Film Festival, an original, mostly improvised comedy full of startling humor (that was, naturally, sold as a dumb summer farce).

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler, two attractive, once-promising actors, make their Gigli. (And yes, I do get bonus points for a second Gigli reference.)

4. The Tooth Fairy In the first scene, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson declares, “You can’t handle the tooth!” It’s all downhill from there. And what on Earth are Billy Crystal and Julie Andrews doing here?

5. A Nightmare on Elm St. Inception

John C. Reilly, Marisa Tomei and Jonah Hill are terrific as three lost souls looking for love and falling all over themselves.

4. Blue Valentine A tough, stunningly real and haunting portrait of why we fall in love and how it’s sometimes hardest to be the person we need to be. Ryan Gosling and especially Michelle Williams give gigantic, revealing performances that stay seared into your mind for days. Not a smooth ride, but it’s better and more honest than any other love story this year.

5. Robin Hood The year’s most underrated movie. Audiences complained that this summer blockbuster was too serious—get over it. Ridley Scott’s best film in years is as thrilling, vividly acted (especially by Cate Blanchett and Max Von Sydow), gorgeous and potently dramatic as you’d expect from the iconic director. Russell Crowe ain’t Errol Flynn (or even Kevin Costner), but it works. Just know you’re in for a gritty prequel and drop the image of a jolly dude in green tights.

One of the best films that nobody saw, a micro-budgeted, atmospheric, scary and surprisingly tender horror film. Imagine Cloverfield, only you care about the characters and the special effects and setting are even more chillingly authentic. Both beautiful and edge-of-your-seat exciting, it’s this year’s Ink—an art film to seek out.

18 DECEMBER 30, 2010

2. The Bounty Hunter

Wes Craven’s first horror film in five years looked like an event for genre fans until they got a look at it. The year’s most unintentionally hilarious movie—and the awfulness comes flying at you in 3D!

6. Monsters

Robin Hood

The seventh time decidedly isn’t a charm for this dead-exhumed-and dead again horror franchise. Save ten bucks and strap yourself into a torture device.

3. My Soul to Take

1. Inception The first time you watch it, it’s a dizzying, intellectual carnival ride. After the second viewing, it feels like an American classic.

The performances are perfectly understated: Marion Cotillard, Tom Hardy and Ellen Page are so topnotch in supporting roles, you might miss how wonderful Leonardo DiCaprio and Cillian Murphy are. From the dizzying establishing scene to the revolving hallway to the moment we first witness The Kick to the powerful closing shot, Christopher Nolan’s dream-within-a-dreamwithin-a-dream dazzler is one we’ll be talking about for years.

1. Saw 3-D

and he and Ewan McGregor are touching as jailbird lovers. An original, surprising comedy that takes huge risks and earns big pay-offs— and it’s faithfully based on a true story!

8. The Town Daredevil, Surviving Christmas, Gigli… forgiven and forgotten. Ben Affleck directs the year’s best action movie and also delivers his best work in years in front of the camera. Add a riveting Jeremy Renner and a remarkable ensemble cast, a story that crackles and the best large-scale shoot-out since Heat and you have a movie for dudes that the wahine will find equally captivating.

9. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Another under-appreciated film that does almost everything right. OK, the Hollywood ending is out of place, but give director Oliver Stone credit for trying something unexpected. Otherwise, the actors dazzle (Michael Douglas, Frank Langella and a neverbetter Shia Labeouf), and Stone’s passionate direction and typically potent mixture of entertainment and social commentary make for a hugely enjoyable yarn.

10. The Ghost Writer

7. I Love You, Philip Morris

Roman Polanski managed to tie Mel Gibson as the year’s most controversial celebrity— and direct this sinister cinematic page-turner.

Ewan McGregor (again) and a nasty Pierce Brosnan are terrific but Olivia Williams walks away with the whole thing as the scariest cinematic political figure since Angela Lansbury in The Manchurian Candidate. Only Polanski could make the story of a writerfor-hire this exciting—and it has the year’s biggest knockout of a closing scene. ■

Jim Carrey plays a religious family man turned gay con artist whose life becomes a series of lies and elaborate confidence games…oh

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When Robert Englund played Freddy Krueger, he was a sickeningly scary, darkly funny boogeyman. In the pointless remake, Jackie Earl Haley’s Freddy resembles a hairless cat with a redneck accent that wouldn’t scare a mynah bird.

6. Cop-Out The first and hopefully last movie that Kevin Smith directed but didn’t write.

Bruce Willis smirks his way through, while Tracey Morgan sucks the funny out of every scene. Action comedies used to be like True Lies; now we’re lucky if we get Knight and Day.

7. Remember Me Robert Pattinson’s big non-vampire dramatic vehicle was supposed to be his Oscar movie…except that he can’t act.

I feel most sorry for all the unwitting Twilight fans who sat waiting for a werewolf showdown that never arrived.

8. Grown Ups It’s nice Adam Sandler got to go on a paid vacation with his old SNL buddies, but next time it’d be cool if they wrote a script.

9. Let Me In One of the best films of the past decade was remade into this ugly, dumbeddown cheesy horror rehash. Approach with plenty of garlic.

10. When in Rome/The Losers There were so many candidates for this spot: MacGruber, Furry Vengeance, Clash of the Titans—the awful list goes on, but I’ll spare you. The two movies that tied for tenth are uniquely bad: the former is one of the dumbest chick flicks ever made (quite a feat), while the latter was a D-grade actioner with a title that works as an instant review, making my job a little easier.

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

Tangled (2D) - PG - TUE-WED 1:55, 4:35, 7:15.

Tron: Legacy (2D) - PG - THU-SUN 11:15, 1:55, 4:35, 7:15, 9:55. MON 11:15, 1:55, 4:35, 7:15. TUE-WED 1:55, 4:25, 7:15.

True Grit - PG13 - THU-SUN 12:00, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15, 9:40. MON 12:00, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15. TUE-WED 1:00, 3:25, 5:50, 8:15.

FIRSTLIGHT Castle Theater, MACC 579-9244 The American - R - SUN 4:00.

Blue Valentine - R - THU 6:00.

Casino Jack - R - THU 8:00.

Frankie & Alice - R - SUN 8:00.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kind of a Funny Story - PG13 - SUN 2:00.

Jack Goes Boating - R - SUN 6:00.

Welcome to The Rileys - R - THU 4:00.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2D) - PG - THU (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:15. FRI-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:15 . MON-WED (3:45), 6:30, 9:15.

Gulliverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Travels (2D) - PG - THU (1:15, 4:00), 6:30, 9:00. FRI-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 6:30, 9:00. MON-WED (4:00), 6:30, 9:00.

How Do You Know - PG13 - THU (1:30, 4:15), 7:00, 9:45. FRI-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 7:00, 9:45.

True Grit - PG13 - THU (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 10:00. FRI-SUN (1:45), 4:30, 7:15, 10:00. MON-WED (4:30), 7:15, 10:00.

KAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;AHUMANU 6 Queen Kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) Black Swan-R - THU-TUE 11:45, 2:10, 4:35, 7:05, 9:30. WED 1:00, 2:10, 4:35, 7:05, 9:30.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU 12:45, 3:55, 7:05, 10:05. FRI-WED 12:45, 3:55, 7:10.

The Kingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Speech - R - FRI-WED 11;50, 2:20, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45.

The Tourist - PG13 - THU 11:00, 11:55, 1:20, 2:15, 3:40, 4:40, 6;00, 7:00, 8:20, 9:35, 10:45.

FRI-SAT 10:25, 1155, 2:15, 4:40, 7:20, 9:35. SUN-WED 11:55, 2:15, 4:40, 7:20, 9:35.

Tron: Legacy (2D) - PG - THU-SAT 12:00, 2:40, 5:20, 8:00, 10:40. SUN-WED 12:00, 2:40, 5:20, 8:00.

Tron: Legacy (3D) - PG - THU-WED 11:00, 1:40, 4:20, 7:00, 9:40.

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (3D) - PG - THU (1:40, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35. FRI-SUN (1:40), 4:15, 6:55, 9:35. MON-WED (1:40, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35.

The Fighter - R - THU (1:25, 4:05), 6:45, 9:25. FRI-SUN (1:25), 4:05, 6:45, 9:25.

MON-WED (1:25, 4:05), 6:45, 9:25.

The Fighter (Sony Digital) - R - THU 7:15, 9:55. FRI-WED 7:05, 9:45.

Gulliverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Travels (3D) - PG - THU (12:00, 2:25, 4:50), 7:15, 9:40. FRI (12:00, 2:25), 4:50, 7;15, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 4:50, 7:15, 9:40. MON-WED (2:25, 4:50), 7:15, 9:40.

How Do You Know - PG13 - THU (12:50, 1:35, 3:40), 6:30, 7:10, 9:20. FRI-SUN (12:50, 1:35), 3:40, 6:30, 6:50, 9:20. MON-WED (1:35, 3:40), 6:30, 6:50, 9:20.

Little Fockers - PG13 - THU (12:15, 2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 10:00. FRI-SUN (12:15, 2:40), 5:05, 7:30, 9:45. MON-WED (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:45.

Little Fockers (Sony Digital) - PG13 - THU (2:10, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30. FRI-SUN (2:10), 4:35, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (2:10, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30.

The Social Network - PG13 - FRI-SUN 4:15, 9:30. MON-WED (4:15), 9:30.

Tangled (2D) - PG - THU (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. FRI-SUN (1:30), 3:55, 6:20, 8:45. MON-WED (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45.

True Grit - PG13 - THU (1:30, 4:05), 6:40, 9:15. FRI-SUN (1:30), 4:05, 6:40, 9:15. MON-WED (1:30, 4:05), 6:40, 9:15.

True Grit (Sony Digital) - PG - THU (2:00, 4:35), 7;10, 9:45. FRI-SUN (2:00), 4:35, 7;10, 9:45. MON-WED (2:00, 4:35), 7:10, 9:45.

Yogi Bear (3D) - PG - THU (12:00, 2:10, 4:20), 6;30, 8:40. FRI-SUN (12:00, 2:10), 4:20, 6;30, 8:40. MON-WED (2:10, 4:20), 6:30, 8:40.

Yogi Bear (Sony Digital) - PG - THU (12:45, 2:55, 5:05). FRI-SUN (12:45, 2:55), 5:05. MON-WED (2:55, 5:05).

WHARF CINEMA CENTER KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) The Fighter - R - THU-SUN 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. MON 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. TUE-WED 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30.

Little Fockers - PG13 - THU-SUN 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00, 10:15. MON 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00. TUE-WED 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00.

658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Little Fockers - PG13 - THU (1:15, 3:45), 7:15, 9:45. FRI-SUN (1:15), 3:45, 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED (1:15, 3:45), 7:15, 9:45.

Tron: Legacy (2D) - PG - THU (1:05, 4:00), 7:00, 9:55. FRI-SUN (1:05), 4:00, 7:00, 9:55. MON-WED (1:05, 4:00), 7:00, 9:55.

Yogi Bear (3D) - PG - THU (1:30, 3:45), 6:30, 9:00. FRI-SUN (1:30), 3:45, 6:30, 9:00. MON-WED (1:30, 3:45), 6:30, 9:00.

BLUE VALENTINE - R - Drama - A searingly honest portrait of a relationship on the rocks. In other words: a date movie only for people on very secure dates. 120 min.

CASINO JACK - R - Drama - A D.C. lobbyist sees his life crumble around him. If only this were a more common fate. 108 min.

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER - PG - Fantasy Pasty-faced British kids and CGI animals hit the high seas in the third film installment of C.S. Lewisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beloved series. 115 min.

THE FIGHTER - R - Drama - A working class boxer nicknamed â&#x20AC;&#x153;Irishâ&#x20AC;? (code, as ever, for â&#x20AC;&#x153;whiteâ&#x20AC;?) fights for respect in and out of the ring. Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale star. 116 min.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1 - PG13 - Fantasy - Harry enters his final year at Hogwarts with bigger problems than getting financial aid for wizard college. 149 min.

HOW DO YOU KNOW - PG13 - Comedy Owen Wilson, Reese Witherspoon and Paul Rudd form a love triangle, with Jack Nicholson thrown in to screw up the geometry. 136 min.

ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S KIND OF A FUNNY STORY - PG13 - Comedy - A depressed teen goes to the loony bin to recharge his batteries and finds a (possible) new lease on life. 101 min.

JACK GOES BOATING - R - Drama - A limo driverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s blind date leads to more than drinking champagne out of the sunroof. 89 min.

THE KINGâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SPEECH - R - Drama - A stuttering monarch finds his voice in time to call out Hitler. Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush star (neither as Hitler). 118 min.

FRANKIE & ALICE - R - Drama - What if you had multiple personalities, and one of them was racist? Then youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be Halle Berry and this movie would be about you.102 min.

LITTLE FOCKERS - PG13 - Comedy Apparently two movies werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t enough for Ben Stiller and Bob De Niro to work out their issues.

And now there are kids involved. 83 min.

GULLIVERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TRAVELS - PG - Comedy, Fantasy - Jonathan Swiftâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 18th century adventure gets an update, Jack Black-style. Next up: Will Ferrell as Captain Nemo. 85 min.

THE AMERICAN - Unrated - Thriller An assassin (George Clooney) goes to Italy to disappear, but a woman lures him out of the shadows. Hey, better

Upcoming Exhibit

THE LEGACY OF LAND

Now Showing BLACK SWAN - R - Drama, Horror - Thought ballet was all pointe shoes and demi-pliĂŠs?

Think again. Natalie Portman stars. 109 min.

Schaefer International Gallery Wed - Sun 11 am-5 pm

JDQXDU\ )HEUXDU\

UPCOMING SHOWS than Oceans Fourteen. 103 min.

THE SOCIAL NETWORK - PG13 - Drama - Hey, you know that little Web site all the kids are talking about? Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the (alleged) story of how it was born. 133 min.

TANGLED - PG - Animated - Running out of fairy tales to sprinkle with empowering modern messages and pop culture references, Hollywood turns to Rapunzel. 115 min.

THE TOURIST - PG13 - Drama Smoldering good looks and vague accents collide as Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie share the screen. The plot? Come on, you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care about the plot. 104 min.

www.MauiFilmFestival.com

FIRSTLIGHT ACADEMY SCREENINGS DEC 30 & JAN 2

Founder of musical duo, HAPA

SOLO SESSIONS w/BARRY FLANAGAN 7+85 Â&#x2021; DEC 30 Â&#x2021; 0FCR\ Â&#x2021; 30SP Acoustic Guitar Virtuoso

LEO KOTTKE

7+85 Â&#x2021; JAN Â&#x2021; CDVWOH Â&#x2021; 30SP 61st Warren Millerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Xtreme Ski Film

TRON LEGACY - PG - Action - A sequel 28 years in the making. Strap yourselves in, geeks, and enjoy the ride. 141 min.

WINTERVENTION

TRUE GRIT - PG13 - Western - The Coen Brothers update the John Wayne classic (though they insist itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s based on the book) with Jeff Bridges donning the eye patch. 110 min.

Electronic Music-New Media Art

WELCOME TO THE RILEYS - R - Drama Tony Soprano and the chick from Twilight are quite possibly the yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s oddest couple. 111 min.

YOGI BEAR 3D - PG - Family, Animated - An existential meditation on love, yearning and the meaning of picnic baskets. 98 min.

6A7 Â&#x2021; JAN Â&#x2021; CDVWOH Â&#x2021; 30SP

CHRISTOPHER WILLITS 68N Â&#x2021; JAN Â&#x2021; 0FCR\ Â&#x2021; SP

Box Office: 10 AM - 3M Â&#x2021; MO1 - SAT

242-SHOW .MauiArts.

7469

WWW

ORG

The Maui Arts & Cultural Center is a 501(c)3 nRnSrRĂ&#x20AC;t RrJani]atiRn PaGe SRssiEle E\ the JenerRsit\ RI SeRSle ZhR lRYe Maui

DECEMBER 30, 2010 19

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

New Year’s Roundup

I

know what you’re thinking. You were so gosh-darned thrilled by last week’s hot New Year’s roundup, you’ve already laminated it, mapped out your escapades and booked your reservations. So what do you need another one for? First-off, you’re welcome. Second, there’s always bound to be a few things that slip through the cracks, or trickle in later, or are simply deserving of a second mention. So consider this a supplemental—like a sloppy, wayafter-midnight make-out session in the parking lot. Let’s start with sweets (like chocolate-dipped strawberries), ’cause Umalu’s got ‘em at their pool side sparkler party (Dec. 31; 661-1234). And if dunked-in-decadence is your kind of thing, you’ll want to check out The Melting Pot’s fondue extravaganza for couples (Dec. 31; 661-6181).

Or head up to Casanova for their erotic night with Kit Kat Cabaret and body painting by Maya (Dec. 31; 572-0220). At Moana Cafe, Ray and Vivienne Masters are are celebrating their 21st wedding anniversary with their 10th annual New Year’s party. The dinner tickets are already sold out, but there’s still a chance to score VIP tickets—plus enter to win a limited edition Ray Masters signed serigraph. As for the night’s theme, they’re asking you to “imagine a New Year’s Eve party 100 years in the future,” and dress accordingly (Dec. 31; 579-9999). Speaking of the future, I’ve got money on Romp! being permanently inked into NYE no ka oi history. The buzz on this party is smoking. But I won’t give away all the details because half the fun is calling their info line for yourself (Dec. 31; 495-0099). In Kihei, the South Shore Tiki Lounge is going old school gangster and will be doling out feather boas and other stuff during their massive shindig (Dec. 31; 8746444). And at Three’s, it’s all about black lights with Moth’s midnight mastering of their monsoon of sound, and a laser light show to boot (Dec. 31; 879-3133). If you’d prefer to hear the golden-bell voices of Hawaiian music’s elite, you’ve got a few choices. Naturally, Uncle Willie K can be found at Mulligans on the Blue, where you can opt for a dinner and show package (Dec. 31; 874-1131). Plus, Stella Blue’s hosts John Cruz and his band—with divine dining options—for both a special New Year’s Eve gig as well as a Supper Club show on Saturday (Dec. 31 & Jan. 1; 874-3779). If you simply can’t wait until the New Year, Barry Flanagan will be at the MACC flying their Solo Session series tonight (Dec. 30; 244-7469) at the McCoy Studio Theater. (See Da Kine Calednar, beginning on page 22, for more.)

20 DECEMBER 30, 2010

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Boldly Go Thursday (December 30), 8pm Maui Theatre, Lahaina

PHOTO BY BRIAN WILKINS

W

ant to know crooner Brian Evans’s secret to making the Maui Celebrity Series (which celebrates its one-year anniversary this week) a success? “I’m not afraid to go to the top,” says Evans. He adds that it’s his go-big approach to promotion (though he doesn’t like to think of himself as a “promoter”) that’s brought in big names like Mos Def and William Shatner (who was the series’ inaugural celeb).

Evans says he aims high, and isn’t afraid of rejection. “What’s the worst that could happen? They could say no,” he says. Bold as Evans may be, he also understands the biz. “Show business is a different kind of an animal. I get it, but I don’t like a lot of it,” he admits. “I like to sing—that’s what I do. But I also saw a great opportunity here to bring in something special.” For Evans, the series is all about creating magical moments, and giving Mauians close-encounter opportunities with the famous folk they admire. He cites his own celebrity encounters—like with Frank Sinatra—and how those moments shaped his ideology not just about his career, but his life (for MauiTime’s ful iterview with Evans, visit mauivents.com). With the series going strong for a year now—and with big plans on the horizon, like a TV show a la Austin City Limits and with Tom Arnold himself on board as a producer—Evans artistically altruistic side stands to blossom even further, bringing in even bigger names and giving locals even bigger opportunities. But first things first: birthday celebrations are in order. Seeing as we’re in Hawaii—where one is big number—the lineup is massive. “It’s not just a crazy lineup, it’s been crazy to line up,” Evans says.

The Mick Fleetwood Blues Band with Mick Fleetwood, Rick Vito, Lenny Castellanos and Mark Johnstone, plus Eric Gilliom and Gretchen Rhodes headline, joined by returning celebrity guests including Shatner and Arnold, Cheech Marin, Hal Sparks, Shawn Hatosy and Nermin Zajic (yes, really) “This is going to sound funny,” Evans says, “but I can feel when a show is right and when it’s going to go well.” He promises he’s got that feeling. 856-7973; mauitheatre.com / ticketmaster.com

A CHANCE TO WEAR YOUR FINERY, FLASH YOUR GEMS AND PUT ON YOUR DANCING SHOES! VIP TREATMENT FOR LADIES B4 11:00PM / FREE CHAMPAGNE AT MIDNIGHT! MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING. DINE AND DANCE AT CASANOVA. $25 AT THE DOOR. $20 WITH DINNER RESERVATIONS. CALL 572-0220 FOR INFORMATION AND RESERVATIONS VISIT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

DECEMBER 30, 2010 21

BY ANU YAGI

PICKS

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS SOLO SESSIONS WITH BARRY FLANAGAN - Thu, Dec 30. This intimate MACC series continues with Barry Flanagan, founder of the musical duo Hapa, who will share the stories and inspiration behind his music. $25 / $25 VIP. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org THE MICK FLEETWOOD BLUES BAND - Thu, Dec 30.

Celebrating the Maui Celebrities Series one year anniversary. Band features Mick Fleetwood, Rick Vito, Lenny Castellanos and Mark Johnstone, plus Eric Gilliom and Gretchen Rhodes. Also, crooner Brian Evans joins special guests William Shatner, Cheech Marin, Tom Arnold, Hal Sparks, Shawn Hatosy, and Nermin Zajic. 8pm. Maui Theatre, 878 Front Street (Old Lahaina Center), Lahaina; 808-856-7973; mauitheatre.com / ticketmaster.com SUPPER CLUB FEATURING JOHN CRUZ - Sat, Jan 1. Continued from a special NYE celebration, this intimate Stella Blue’s series features John Cruz and his band. $60 w/ four-course dinner / $30 show-only.

6pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

STAGE

CHRISTOPHER WILLITS - Sun, Jan 9. Folding melodic guitar loops into photo/video experiments with shapes and rhythmic textures, Willits occupies a unique corner of the electronic music-new media art universe and redefines guitar in the digital age. $17 advance / $22 day-of. 7pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org LOL@MACC WITH BLONDE BOMBSHELL MELINDA HILL - Thu, Jan 13. Los Angeles based comedian Melinda Hill presents her hilarious production of “Marriage Material.” The interactive show marries slides and stories, exploring Internet dating and the illusion of comfort versus nourishment. $25 / $45 VIP. 7:30pm.

McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SUPPER CLUB WITH PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE & SAM ITES - Fri, Jan 14. Ooh, you’re in for a treat! This trio dishes soul food ingestible through your ears. Notto-be-missed. $60 with four-course dinner / $30 show only. 6pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

“THE FANTASTICKS” - A wonderful parable of love, from a book and lyrics by Tom Jones and music by Harvey Schmidt. Currently on holiday break, this fantastic play returns January 7-9 and 13-16 (but get your tickets now, because they go fast). $25 adults / $20 keiki under 12. ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 808-463-6520; proartspacific.com

DAN HICKS, MARIA MULDAUR AND JORMA KAUKONEN WITH BARRY MITTERHOFF - Fri, Jan 14. Topnotch musicians blend Western swing/ Django/jazz/blues/roots/hippie eclecticism with all the expected sardonic lyrics. $45 / $50 / $55.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Circue du Soleil meets Polynesian hula with amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics and illusions, and mind-boggling contortionist and balancing-acts. Call for their Kama’aina special. Starting at $62; Deals for kids.

6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 808-667-4540; maui.hyatt.com

KUMU KAHUA THEATRE PRESENTS “THE GREAT KAUA‘I TRAIN ROBBERY” - Fri, Jan 14. Continues on January 15. A historical drama set on Kaua‘i in the early 20th century, this play was inspired by a series of real events, including the only train robbery in Hawai‘i’s history. By Hawai’i playwright Lee Cataluna. $22. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

“LITTLE WOMEN” - The Musical - Final performance December 30! Louisa May Alcott’s “Little Women” comes to Maui as a delightful musical, performed by the Hana Theatrical Players. Among the many notables are Joyce Mitchell-Mynar and Linda Enriquez Meyer (co-directors/stars), plus Kelly Kristofferson as Jo. $15 / $25 / $50. 7-10am.

Wananalua Church, 10 Hauoli Road - off the Hana Highway, Hana; 808-248-7569

TICKETS ON SALE AN EVENING WITH LEO KOTTKE - Thu, Jan 6. Six string samurai Leo Kottke is not just a great player, but a gifted singer and funny man. $30 / $40 / $50. 7:30pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org WARREN MILLER’S “WINTERVENTION” - Sat, Jan 8.

Narrated by skiing icon Jonny Moseley, Warren Miller’s “Wintervention” takes riders like Chris Davenport, Jonny Moseley and Lindsey Vonn on a global tour of Alaska, Norway, Canada, Antarctica and beyond. $12 adults / $10 keiki 12 & under. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org / warrenmiller.com AN EVENING OF OF POETRY, COMEDY, THEATER & MUSIC - Sat, Jan 8. A benefit for the Maui Fringe Festival and Mana’o Radio. Featuring performances by Kathy Collins, Joel Katz, Murray Thorne, Cyrus Clarke, The Troublemakers Trio, Marja Apisaloma, Joe Bennedett, Mountain, Visions Con-

22 DECEMBER 30, 2010

servatory and The Haiku Hillbillys. $10 advance / $12 door. 8-11pm. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com

KANAKA HEKILI M/C 5TH ANNUAL GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Jan 15. Currently seeking golfers, sponsors and prize donations. Deadline for hole sponsorship is January 8. Deadline for tournament entry is January 13. A portion of the proceeds benefit Maui Veterans for Foreign Wars. $100. Elleair Ballroom at the Maui Beach Hotel, 170 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului; Jim Lapham: 808-264-016; kanakahekili.com 2ND ANNUAL WINE WOMEN & SHOES EVENT - Sat, Jan 15. A snazzy benefit for Imua Family Services. $95 single / $1,500 table. 10:30am-2pm.

Four Seasons Resort, 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 808-244-7467; imuafamilyservices.org/ CECILIO & KAPONO WITH MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA - Sat, Jan 15. Woo hoo! A double dose of notto-be-missed awesomeness. $12 / $35 / $45 / $55.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org ANESTHESIA - Sat, Jan 15. You read that right — these heavy hitters are back, and will be joined by (also recently returned) Entity Awakened, Owaila and Order of the White Rose. $12 advance. 9:30pm.

Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808-874-3779; stellablues.com HERITAGE FILM FESTIVAL: “MANA I KA LEO” Sun, Jan 16. This film articulates how chanters feel about their relationship with their gods, their family and their environment. Meet co-writer and producer, Dawn Kani‘aupi‘o and director Ruben Carrillo during a post-screening Q&A session. $10. 3pm. McCoy Studio

TheGRID

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FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/30

12/31

01/01

01/02

01/03 - 01/05

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Ladies Night w/ DJ Jamn J, 9pm

New Year’s Eve Red Carpet Party

Island Soulz 10pm

Simma Down Sunday w/ DJ Jamn J, 10pm

MON- Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose, 8:30pm / TUE - Live Music w/ Braddah Francis & Open Minds / WED - Wild Wednesday w/ Bad Kitty, 8:30pm

AMBROSIA

Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol

New Year’s Eve Extravaganza w/ DJ Mats

New Year’s Day Dance Party w/ DJ Decka

Sunday Night Fever w/ DJ CIA

MON – Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE – Beat Down w / DJ Astro Raph / WED – Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA

Live Music

Live Music

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP CO. 889 Front St., Lahaina - 667-5509

Maui Celebrity Series After Party w/ Camp Savage

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY REST. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL

New Year’s Eve Party

CASANOVA

New Year’s Eve Party

672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wave Train, 9pm; $5

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesdays goes “Back to the Future” w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; $10 Closed

Sunday Funday

TUE - Danyel Alana Trio, 9pm; $5 WED - DJ Boomshot & DJ Jay P, 10pm; $5

Barefoot Minded 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

New Year’s Eve Party

Dave Caroll 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

Erin Smith 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

MON - Peter D / TUE - Live Jazz / WED - Ryan Palma (All sets 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover)

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

House Music 10pm; No Cover

DJ Music 10pm; No Cover

DJ Twiz 10pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

MON - Gomega, 10pm / TUE - Live Music, 10pm / WED - Heavy Hitters Punch Lines, 8pm

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; No Cover

Jarod 10pm; No Cover

Junior Lacuesta 10pm; No Cover

Live Music 10pm; No Cover

MON – Jordan / TUE – Johnny Ringo/ WED – Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; No Cover)

Karaoke

Kanaka Jams 6:30-10:30pm No Cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED - Karaoke

Rampage 9pm - Close

Dat Guyz 9pm - Close

Karaoke

MON - Karaoke / TUE - Karaoke Contest / WED - Open Mic Night

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

NYE w/ Riddum of Kowledge, Ras Lil Dread & The Fiyah Blaze Band

Sondo Inspiracion 9:30pm; $7

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Ashley Welte 7pm - Close; No Cover

Guest Performer 7pm - Close; No Cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - Close; No Cover

HARD ROCK CAFE

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. 667-0787

Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-2427469; mauiarts.org / manaikaleo.com NEW SHANGHAI CIRCUS - Mon, Jan 17. Continues on January 18. Building on time-honored traditional skills, the artists of today’s New Shanghai Circus have added layers of complexity and daring with fresh techniques and spectacular stunts.

Monday at 4pm & 7pm, and Tuesday at 7pm. $12 / $19 / $25. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH GEORGE KAHUMOKU & LEDWARD KAAPANA - Thu, Jan 20. This monthly showcase of music and storytelling with Uncle George features Ledward Kaapana, the Hawaiian “grand master” of stringed instruments. $25 / $45 VIP. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org / slackkey.com D.R.I. (DIRTY ROTTEN IMBECILES) - Fri, Jan 21. Advance tickets available at groovetickets.com, at the Hard Rock, and at all Local Motion surf shops. No Cover. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-7400 / 1-877-714-7668; hardrock.com / underworldevents.com SOJA - Sat, Jan 22. Hailing from Washington DC, members Jacob Hemphill (vocals, guitar), Bobby Jefferson (bass), Ken Brownell (percussion), Ryan Berty (drums) and Patrick O’Shea (keyboards) are known for their lyrical storytelling and free-flowing rhythms. $25 / $55 Premium. 7pm. Events Lawn, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SOLEDAD BARRIO & NOCHE FLAMENCA - Sun, Jan 23. Under the direction of Martín Santangelo, this award-winning troupe is Spain’s most successful touring company. $12 / $28 / $35. 7:30pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO - Tue, Jan 25.

That’s all you need to know. GO! $12 / $28 / $38.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org BATTLEFIELD BAND - Thu, Jan 27. Inspired by their rich

Celtic heritage and fueled by today’s Scottish cultural scene, the band mixes old songs with new, playing a fusion of ancient and modern instruments: bagpipes, fiddle, synthesizer, guitar, flutes, bodhran (hand drum) and accordion. $12 / $25 / $35. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA’S CLASSICAL SAMPLER - Sun, Jan 30. Mmm... It’s like a pupu platter of classical ear candy with music from master composers Mozart, Brahms and Beethoven. Special guest artist Sara Buechner will be performing Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 4. $10 / $21 / $26 / $41. 3:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH MAKANA - Sun, Jan 30.

This sultry slack-keyist is next on the MACC’s intimate Solo Sessions bill. $25 / $45. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY’S ANNUAL FUR BALL - Sat, Feb 19. This beloved fundraising event will honor the service animals, men and women who have served our country in the armed forces, with the 2011 event theme “The Canine Canteen: Swing the Night Away.”. Tickets and sponsorships now available. Grand Wailea Resort & Spa, Haleakala Ballroom, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 808-877-3680 ext 32; mauihumanesociety.org DAMIAN MARLEY & NAS’S “DISTANT RELATIVES” TOUR - Sun, Feb 27. An all-ages show! Think of how sad you’ll be if you miss this. So stop at nothing to get your tickets. Because “it’s a journey, some will get left behind / ‘cause in life you cannot press rewind.” $40. Events Lawn, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauivents.com/featured/nas-damienmarley-distant-relatives-hawaii-tour-maui-feb-27/

WED - Karaoke

Brian Cuomo 7pm - Close; No Cover

the show running Jan 8 - Feb 18. Proposals for the solo exhibition are due Jan 10, with the show running June 18 through July 23. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 808-572-6560; huinoeau.com PUBLIC LIBRARIES CLOSURE - In observance of the New Year holiday, all public libraries will be closed on Saturday and Sunday. However — so you bibliomaniacs can check-out your weekend fix — the Kihei and Lahaina libraries will be open on New Years Eve.; librarieshawaii.org

EVENTS THURSDAY, DEC 30 A WINTER IN HAWAII SING-ALONG - Presented by Aubrey Myers of La-ti-Da Music, this free program will take place in the Children’s Section. Keiki 3 and older, accompanied by a parent or caregiver, are invited to join in this interactive music program of singing and dancing. Sponsored by the Friends of the Library.

Please contact the library as soon as possible if a sign language interpreter or other special accommodation is needed. 10am. Makawao Public Library, 1159 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 808-573-8785; librarieshawaii.org/locations/maui/makawao.htm

FRIDAY, DEC 31 ARIST DEMONSTRATION - This is your last chance to check out Jack Hamilton oil painting in-action.

Free. 4-7pm. Maui Hands, Lahaina, 612 Front St., Ste. D, Lahaina; 808-667-9898; mauihands.com OPENING RECEPTION: TRACY LAMON, CERAMIC ARTIST - Celebrating a new display of ceramics works from December 31 through January 13, this opening reception features refreshments plus music by Upcountry Celtic. Free. 6:30-9pm. Maui Crafts Guild, 69 Hana Hwy., Paia; 808-579-9697; mauicraftsguild.com/

MON - Ashley Welte / TUE & WED - Rene Alonzo (All 7pm - Close; No Cover) Alanui, Wailea; 808-891-6770; shopsatwailea.com HOLOKAI CLUB - Sponsored by KISS 99.9 FM, this monthly keiki event features arts & crafts, performances, educational materials, activities and other fun stuff. Free. 10am-12pm. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-4325; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SUNDAY, JAN 02 MAUI MAGICIAN LAURO CASTILLIO - Be wowed by this interactive, all-ages magic-comedy performance by magic veteran from the award-winning Kupanaha Magic Dinner Show. 11:30am. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com SENIOR SUNDAY IN IAO - Maui residents ages 60 and better can enjoy the beautiful Hawai`i Nature Center for free once a month. Regular fare is $6 for adults, $4 for keiki. Free for Seniors. Hawai’i Nature Center, 808-244-6500; hawaiinaturecenter.org

TUESDAY, JAN 04 KAHULUI LIBRARY REOPENS - After completing an air-conditioner replacement project that took longer than expected due to several unforeseen challenges (the library has been closed since February 19), this central Maui book hub is finally back in business.

12pm. Kahului Public Library, 90 School St., Kahului; 808-873-3097; librarieshawaii.org

WEDNESDAY, JAN 05 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Featuring ukulele virtuoso from Oahu, Taimane Gardner. Free. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 808-8916770; shopsatwailea.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS

SATURDAY, JAN 01

SCREENING: “ANCHORMAN” - It’s movie night at Ambrosia and I’ve got just two words for you: free popcorn. No Cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

CALL FOR ENTRIES: ANNUAL JURIED EXHIBITION 2011 / SOLO EXHIBITION 2011 - Dec 30 is the receiving date for the multimedia juried exhibition (juror Vince Hazen), with

HENRY KALEIALOHA ALLEN TRIO - Experience “South Seas Island Magic” with hula. Free. 6:30-8pm.

The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea

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01/01

01/02

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KAHALE’S

Vince Esquire

Kenny Roberts

1810

New Year’s Eve Party w/ DJ Unique

Bad Kitty 8-11pm

New Year’s Eve Party w/ Billy & The Bad Dogs

Ron & Rob of The Crunch Pups

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

Crazy Fingers 9pm - 1am; No Cover

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KIWI ROADHOUSE

95 E. Lipoa St., Ste A101, Kihei - 874-1250

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Eight Track Players

Kahala

MON, TUE & WED - Da-Ha-Y-Ns

Sam Ahia

MON & TUE - Sam Ahia

Gina Martinelli Band 6 - 9pm

MON - Kiwi Cowboys 6-9:30pm

Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; No Cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Toby, 7:30 - 11 pm

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Live Salsa w/ Neto & Barbara 8-11pm / DJ Nexus 11pm-Close

Dezman, 8-11pm; $2 / DJ Canespider, 11pm; No Cover

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

LULU’S LAHAINA

Classic Rock w/ Howard Ahia

NYE Lingerie Ball w/ DJ Money Mike

X-clusive Saturday Nights w/ DJ Money Mike

MON - Service Industry Night w/ All Access DJ & Junior TUE - Karaoke w/ Troy / WED Ladies Night w/ DJ Twizzy

Live Music

WED - Open Mic Night, 10pm; No Cover

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MAUI BREWING CO.

Kahana Gateway Center - 669-3474

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae

New Year’s Eve Party w/ Brown Chicken Brown Cow

Ranga Pae

MOANA CAFE

Phil & Angie Benoit

10th Annual Ray & Vivienne New Year’s Eve Bash

DJ Music

Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9pm

New Year’s Eve Party w/ Willie K, Gail Swanson & Ka’ena Elaban

Jazz on the Blue, 7-10pm / Jordan & Wolf, 10pm-Close

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St. Kihei - 874-1131

CAPTAIN JACK’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY - Fri, Dec 31. Enjoy music, dancing, party favors and drink specials — and hop between sister location, Cool Cat Cafe. No Cover. 10:30pm. Captain Jack’s Island Grill, 672 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-0988 DIP INTO THIS NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION - Fri, Dec 31. Fondue extravaganza includes champagne toast and souvenir picture. $125 couple. The Melting Pot, 325 Keawe St., Ste. A202, Lahaina; (808) 661-6181; meltingpot.com KIMO’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY - Fri, Dec 31. Featuring DJ Unique. 9:30pm-12:30am. Kimo’s Restaurant, 845 Front St., Lahaina; 808-661-4811; kimosmaui.com LIVE MUSIC AT MAUI BREW CO. - Sat, Jan 1. The Brewpub reintroduces weekly entertainment on Saturdays beginning the first of the year. No Cover. Maui Brewing Co. Brewpub, Kahana Gateway Center, 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana; 808-6693474; mauibrewingco.com MERRIMAN’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY - Fri, Dec 31.

What better NYE hullabaloo than a Brown Chicken Brown Cow hoedown? Regular menu will be served from 5-6:30pm, followed by a special four-course dinner from 8:30-10pm ($125). 5:30pm. Merriman’s, 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina; 808-669-6400 NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY AT COOL CAT CAFE - Fri, Dec 31. Enjoy music, dancing, party favors and drink specials. Because even if we’re celebrating the dawn of the Year of the Rabbit, cats are always cool, too. No Cover. 10:30pm. Cool Cat Cafe, Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-0908; coolcatcafe.com NYE 2011 AT TIMBA - Fri, Dec 31. A black and white party. Tickets include NYE accessories (feather boas, tiaras, etc.) and a 187ml bottle of champagne just for you! Last year, this event sold out four days prior. So, even IF (and we mean IF) tickets are available at the door, you can bet your New Year’s kiss they’ll be more expense. What’s your best bet? Get your pre-sale tickets by calling. $35 advance. 9pm-2am. Timba Maui, 505 Front St., Lahaina; 808-463-1371; timbamaui.com NYE 2011 PARTY AT THE UNDERGROUND - Fri, Dec 31. Attention under 21-ers: Maui’s newest — and only — under-21 nightclub is a great place to dance the late night away with your peeps (this and every Friday and Saturday). NYE features DJ Blast, DJ Decka and DJ AstroRaph. Continues on Saturday, New Year’s day.

Always a drug-and alcohol-free event. $10. 7pm-2am.

The Underground, 744 Front St., Lahaina NYE AT THE HARD ROCK - Fri, Dec 31. Riddum of Knowledge, Ras Lil Dread and The Fiyah Blaze Band

take over for a night of roots, rock and reggae to ring in the New Year. The kitchen stays open late to offer a bite-sized menu past 9pm, and tickets (a portion of which will be donated to the World Hunger organization) include champagne toast and party favors. $20 advance / $25 door. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-7400; hardrock.com NYE LINGERIE BALL - Fri, Dec 31. Ring in the New Year with DJ Money Mike. Dress in lingerie or PJ’s and get half-off the cover charge. Lulu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina; 808-661-0808 NYE LU’AU - Fri, Dec 31. A late night lu’au including party favors and a champagne toast. 9pm-12am. Drums of the Pacific Luau, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Lahaina; 808-661-1234 NYE WITH THE THROWDOWNS AT TIA JUANA’S - Fri, Dec 31. Ooh la la. It’s a Lele par-tay with the one and only Throwdowns. Space is limited, so it’s recommended you make your reservations ASAP. Champagne toast and party favors included. Shot specials every half-hour. $20 advance / $30 door. 9pm. Tia Juana’s Cantina, 2291 Kaanapali Parkway, Lahaina; 808-667-4080 PWF’S NEW YEAR’S EVE COCKTAIL OR DINNER CRUISE - Fri, Dec 31. Two, two-hour starlight cruise choices to ring in the New Year. Enjoy live Hawaiian music and ono grinds. Cocktail cruise departs at 10:30pm from Ma’alaea Harbor. Dinner cruise departs at 10:45pm from Lahaina Harbor.

Part of the ongoing Maui Whale Festival. Pacific Whale Foundation, 300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ste. 100, Ma’alaea; 808-249-8811; pacificwhale.org SPARKLER IT UP - Fri, Dec 31. Umalu at the Hyatt Regency Resort & Spa again hosts their snazzy poolside sparkler party, with a la carte treats like chocolatedipped strawberries and fine cheeses, plus goodies and entertainment by the Classic Knights. 7pm-12am.

Umalu, 200 Nohea Kai Drive, Lahaina; 808-661-1234 THE UNDERGROUND’S NEW YEAR’S CELEBRATIONS, CONTINUED - Sat, Jan 1. More partying to be had on New Year’s, at Maui’s newest — and only — under-21 nightclub. Features DJ Daniel J, John Scott and Soundsex. Always a drug-and alcohol-free event. $10.

7pm-2am. The Underground, 744 Front St., Lahaina

NYE - SOUTH MAUI “ISLAND STYLE” NEW YEAR’S FEATURING JOHN CRUZ - Fri, Dec 31. Join John Cruz — one of Hawaii’s most respected singer/songwriters — and his band for two nights of special music to ring in the New Year. The NYE festivities include a sev-

Ranga Pae

MON - Benoit Jazzworks / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae TUE - Open Mic Night

The Celtic Tigers, 6-9:30pm; Big John, 10pm-12am

en-course dinner and midnight champagne toast.

Great music continues on Saturday, New Year’s Day, with a Supper Club performance. $100. 8pm.

Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808-874-3779; stellablues.com AMBROSIA’S NEW YEARS DAY DANCE PARTY Sat, Jan 1. When you’re ready and rearing while the rest of the world is recovering, Ambrosia has got YOU covered. All night dancing to the turntable tunes of DJ Decka, plus $2-off tequila drinks all night. No Cover. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com AMBROSIA’S NEW YEARS EVE EXTRAVAGANZA Fri, Dec 31. All night dancing to the turntable tunes of “Ambrosia’s Next Top DJ” winner, DJ Mats. Plus, free party favors for all, shot specials every hour based on where in the world the New Year dawns, live ball drop on giant screen and a champagne toast at midnight.

Tune in tomorrow for their New Years Day Dance Party. No Cover. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com BLACK LIGHT THEME NYE PARTY AT THREE’S Fri, Dec 31. Arise kicks off the night at 9pm, with Moth at midnight featuring a laser light show.

Great giveaways for the first 50 people through the doors. $3 champagne specials. Four-course pre-show dinner available for $55 (includes three glasses of sparkling wine). $5. 9pm. Three’s Bar & Grill, 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-879-3133 NEW YEAR’S EVE INDIAN BUFFET - Fri, Dec 31.

Reservations recommended for a fun way to end your year with a little spice. Magic show by Neil Bruce and romantic violin by Cambria Moss. Remember, it’s BYOB. $29.95. 5-9pm. Monsoon India, 760 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 808-875-4555 NEW YEARS EVE DINNER AT FIVE PALMS - Fri, Dec 31. Two exclusive seating times (5-6:30pm or 7-9:30pm) for a spectacular four-course dinner including Kula greens, an appetizer, choice of entree and duo of desserts. Reservations required. $69.99 $99.99. 5pm. Five Palms Restaurant, 2960 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-879-2607; fivepalmsrestaurant.com NYE 2011 AT MULLIGANS - Fri, Dec 31. The restaurant partners with Maui Tribe to present a New Year’s extravaganza with the one and only Willie K, plus Gail Swanson and Ka’ena Elaban. Whatever party plan you choose — either the buffet dinner/show package ($75) or show-only tickets ($25) — make sure you get your tickets early, as this even sells out annually. 7pm. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 808-8741131; mulligansontheblue.com

MON, Joyce & Gord / TUE - Murray Thorne / Tin Can Comedy, 9-10pm / WED - Brenton Keith NZ-STYLE NEW YEAR’S EVE BASH - Fri, Dec 31.

Featuring Billy & The Bad Dogs plus a Steinlager toast at midnight. Kiwi Roadhouse, 95 E. Lipoa St., Suite 201, Kihei; 808-874-1250 OCEANS’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY - Fri, Dec 31.

Oceans offers a little something for everyone, with entertainment including Dat Guyz, Pac Vibes and DJ Stylz. No Cover. 9pm. Oceans Beach Bar & Grill, 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-2414 TIKI’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY WITH DJ GEMINI & DJ YNOT - Fri, Dec 31. Dress to the nines — bling and boas encouraged with sort of “Smooth Criminal,” gangster/ moll theme — for a night of giveaways and requisite bubbly. Call and reserve a VIP table which include extra goodies (gangster hats, feathered tiaras, noisemakers, etc.), or just get there early (it’s crazy busy any Friday night, let alone NYE), and claim your spot. No Cover. 10pm. South Shore Tiki Lounge, Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-874-6444; southshoretikilounge.com

NYE - UPCOUNTRY & CENTRAL MAUI 10TH ANNUAL RAY & VIVIENNE NEW YEAR’S EVE BASH - Fri, Dec 31. Ray and Vivienne Masters always pull out all the stops for their shows, and this NYE is no exception as it’s their 21st wedding anniversary. So, “imagine a New Year’s Eve party 100 years in the future,” and that’s the theme. Features DJ Dave Spruce from Sweden, plus DJ Ray Masters himself. Dinner reservations are already sold out, but advance VIP tickets are still available and include party favors throughout the night. $35 advance. 8:30pm-1:30am. Moana Bakery & Cafe, 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 808-579-9999 NYE 2011 AT CASANOVA - Fri, Dec 31. The restaurant lives up to its synonymous-with-seduction namesake, offering a night of erotic festivities. The digs are dressed up with decor by Next Level Theater Productions, and dancers twirl on poles while Marasco and DJ SID spin vinyl. Complimentary champagne toast at midnight, plus purrfect sideshow acts by Kit Kat Club Cabaret and exotic body painting by Maya. $25.

9:30pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com NEW YEAR’S EVE ROMP 2011 - Fri, Dec 31. Celebrate the year of the bunny with this fundraiser to benefit children’s education on Maui. Special thanks to Maui Elite Gymnastics Academy, Queen Kaahumanu Center, MEO, Next Level Theater Productions, Source Maui. Call info line for details: 808-495-0099 NYE 2011 AT KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Dec 31. Dress

DECEMBER 30, 2010 25

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

THURSDAY DEC 30

THIRSTY THURSDAYS POOL & CHEAP BEER!

FRIDAY DEC 31

NEW YEARS EVE CELEBRATION THE KRYPTONES & SPECIAL GUEST LIA LIVE, DAN DI LION, DANI GIRL, THE UNSUNG MIGHTY FEW! 9PM $25 INCL. CHAMPAGNE & PARTY FAVORS

SATURDAY JAN 1

COLLEGE GAME DAY! SUNDAY JAN 2

SUNDAY FUNDAY/NFL

DINNER PIZZA SPECIAL! BUY 1 GET 1 1/2 OFF! 6PM-8PM HOUSE SPECIAL

MONDAY JAN 3

NFL / MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! TUESDAY JAN 4

PELIGROSO TUESDAYS!

5PM TACOS, MARGARITAS, $3 MEXICAN BEERS 9PM $5 DANYEL ALANA & TRIO

WEDNESDAY DEC 29

DJ BOOMSHOT & DJ JAY P

SPINNING SWEET BEATS ON THE NORTH SHORE! 10PM $5 · DRINK SPECIAL $2 WELL 10PM-12PM! BOOKING INFO: DYINGSONS@GMAIL.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

S R A E Y W NE SMH EVECOVBERA P /9 NO

BANDS D E R U T A FE

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AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

RAMPAGE

THURSDAY 30 9pm

KIHEI’S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

FRIDAY 31 9pm

NYE BASH W/ DAT GUYZ

PARTY FAVORS, CHAMPAGNE TOAST, DANCING ALL NIGHT SATURDAY 1 9pm

SUGAR CANE BLACK COME OUT FOR THIS GREAT LAHAINA BAND

SUNDAY 2 9pm

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT KARAOKE

MONDAY 3 9pm

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

KARAOKE CONTEST $1 TACOS $3 CORONAS $3 CUERVO SHOTS

OPEN MIC

TUESDAY 4 9pm

WEDNESDAY 5 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

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THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/30

12/31

01/01

01/02

01/03 - 01/05

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM New Year’s Eve w/ Dat Guyz, Pac Vibes and DJ Stylz

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

Pac Vibes 10pm

PINEAPPLE GRILLE

Jawaiian Music w/ DJ Bruddah Damien

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Open Mic Night 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm - Close; No Cover

New Year’s Eve Party w/ DJ Gemini & DJ YNot

DJ LX 10pm - Close; No Cover

Kanoa of Gomega 10pm - Close; No Cover

MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED- The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - Close; No Cover)

Supper Club featuring John Cruz

Slam feat. David Choy

MON-TJamie Lawrence / TUE - Tom Conway; WED Randall Rospond / Slam w/ David Choy

200 Kapalua Drv. Lahaina - 669-9600

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 -879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Eddie & The Promises 9pm-12am

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

“Island Style” New Year’s Party w/ John Cruz

STELLA BLUE’S

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; No Cover

New Year’s Eve Party w/ Eddie & The Promises

WED - DJ Mania Dancing 9pm-1am; No Cover

Arise

Black Light Theme NYE Party w/ Arise & Moth

TUE - Sushi Tuesday w/ DJ CIA

New Year’s Eve Party w/ The Throwdowns

TIA JUANA’S

2291 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; No Cover

B&W New Year’s Eve Party; 9pm-2am; $35 advance

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON - WED - Closed

Soul Lounge 8-10pm

Island Essence w/ DJ Zinn 8-10pm

New Year’s Eve Party w/ DJ Blast, DJ Decka & DJ AstroRaph

New Year’s Eve Party w/ DJ Daniel J, John Scott & Soundsex Free Karaoke

TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

TROPICA

2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali - 662-2762

THE UNDERGROUND 744 Front St., Lahaina

WATERCRESS

Pac Vibe, 10pm

WOW-WEE MAUI’S

Karaoke No Cover; 8pm

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

333 Dairy Rd. #101, Kahului - 871-1414

Smooth Jazz Sounds w/ Brian Cuomo & Friends, 7pm -10m

Karaoke

to impress and ring in the New Year with the Ale House’s celebrity-style red carpet party. Next Level Entertainment DJs (begins 9pm), plus special guest DJs and hot go-go dancers. Included with price of ticket are party favors to the first 100 guests, a midnight pupu buffet, and champagne toast. Plus, try their special ice shots (i.e. in glasses formed of ice), and come early for screening of NYC ball drop (7pm). Extended Happy Hour specials and live Hawaiian music (until 8pm). $20. Kahului Ale House, 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului; 808-877-9001; alehouse.net

Rocks Band 2:30-5pm; Every Sat, JD & Harry 2:30-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 2:30-5pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 808-661-4495.

DINNER MUSIC

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, Greg DiPiazza 6-8pm; Tue, Ah Tim 5:30-8:30pm 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 808-661-8881.

WEST MAUI CANOES - Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0937.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ernie 3 – 5pm, Garrett & Peter 6 – 8:30pm; Fri, Garret 3 – 5pm, Kulewa 6 8:30pm; Sat, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Kulwea 6 - 8:30pm; Sun, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Ernie & Miles 6 – 8:30pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-662-2900.

HULA GRILL - Thu, Bruddah Larry 11:30am – 1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2 - 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kulewa 6:30 - 9pm; Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 - 4pm, 1810 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kawika, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm; Sat, Closed; Sun, Ron Hetteen 11:30am-1pm; Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm; 1810 4:15-6:15; Derrick Sebastian Trio 6:30-9pm.

Mon, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 – 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Derrick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30 - 9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11:30 a.m – 1pm, Jarrett Roback 2 – 4pm, Ernest Pua’a 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30 - 9pm; Wed, Mika Villaren 11:30am – 1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2 - 4pm, Peter DeAquino 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 808-667-6636.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:309:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm 730 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0700.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Fri, The J.D on the

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Classic Rock Thursdays featuring Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Every Mon, Junior 8-9:30pm; Every Tue, Karaoke w/ Troy 8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Benoit Jazzworks; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 808-669-6400.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 808-669-1500.

TIA JUANA’S CANTINA - Wed, Tableside Magic w/ Brenton Keith 6-9pm 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-667-4080.

TROPICA - Every Fri, Soul Lounge 8 -10pm; Every Sat, Island Essence featuring DJ Zinn 8-10pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali, 808-662-2762.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallow (Christmas edition!) 7pm; Every Tue, “Glee” Screening 7pm. Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (this week: “Anchorman”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-1011 BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 808-243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 808-879-2224.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Junior Lacuesta; Every Fri & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson & Wolf; Every Wed, Jordan Cudworth. (All Sets 4-8pm.) Sun, Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 808-874-1250.

MON, TUE & WED - Dat Guyz; No Cover KIWI ROADHOUSE - Thu, Dominick 5-7pm; Fri, Mango Pickers 5-7pm; Sat, Ron & Rob of The Crunch Pups 5-8pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6-9pm; Wed, The Kiwi Cowboys 7-10pm. 95 E. Lipoa St., Ste. A101, Kihei, 808-874-1250.

LULU’S KIHEI - Fri, Salsa Lessons 7-8pm & Salsa Music w/ Neto & Barbara 8-11pm; Fri, Hula Show 5-7pm; Fri, Dezman 8-11pm; Sat, Hula Show 6-8pm; Sat, Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-11pm; Sun, Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; Mon & Tue, Easy Listenting w/ Terry 5-7pm; Wed, Karaoke w/ Toby 7:30-11pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-9944.

MONSOON INDIA - Fri, Magic by Neil Bruce and Romantic Violin by Cambria Moss; Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-875-4555.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Jazz on the Blue 7-10pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6-9:30pm; Mon, Joyce & Gord 6:308:30pm; Tue, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Brenton Keith & His Bag O’ Tricks 5:45-7pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 808-874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:307:30 p.m. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 808-879-7177.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (All Sets 4-6pm) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ron Kuualau 4-6pm; Fri, New Year’s Eve w/John Cruz; Sat, Supper Club w/ John Cruz; Every Sun, Slam featuring David Choy 6-9pm; Mon, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm ; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-8pm, Slam featuring David Choy 7-10pm; 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 808-874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music - Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 808-875-2910.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Thu, Live Jazz; Fri, Jeff; Sat,

Steff Lomeli; Mon, Cyrus Clark; Tue, Sammy Rouisse.

(All sets 7pm) 1945-G S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-3133.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 808-875-8080.

TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites w/ Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out w/ Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock w/ Dominic; Every Sun, Crunch Pups “Uncrunhed”; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Franklin Russell; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. All no cover. 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Live Hawaiian Music 3-8pm. 355 Kamehameha, Kahului, 808-877-9001.

CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm; Fri, Phil and Angela Benoit (and they’ll return to their regular Saturday gig next week) 5:308pm.1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului, 808-877-0073.

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY RESTAURANT - Every night, Francois on piano; Every Fri & Sat, “Early Late Night” live music until 11pm; Every Sun, Fausto on acoustic guitar during brunch. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului, 808-873-6555.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI ALE HOUSE - Fri & Tue, Braddah Francis 4-8pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului; 808-877-9001.

CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, Live Argentinian Music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-6323.

GREEN BANANA CAFE - Every Tue, Thu & Sat, Polynesian Dance Coffee Luau 6pm.137 Hana Hwy., Paia, 808-579-9130.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Every Fri & Sat, Live Music 5-9pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 808-573-2859.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Open-Mic 6pm. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-9999.

DECEMBER 30, 2010 27

BY ANU YAGI

KULA KID

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

TWO DAD DILEMMA

I

t’s strange when I listen to Anna speak—I can hear my voice in hers. It’s like playing back a homemade cassette tape—knowing it’s the sound of a long-lost, younger you—but having no memory of recording it.

We have the same sort of bouncing cadence, like a slow rubber ball trapped in a rusty can, our enunciation touched with a properness that’s heartfelt albeit feigned.

“I was nervous I wouldn’t recognize you—that we might walk right past each other and not know,” she said.

If only Anna knew how—for my whole life—I’ve worried about that, too.

Anna and I have the same birthday, six years apart. We have the same shaped toes, too, with laughably long, ball-ended indices.

And we have the same father.

It was Sunday, the day after Christmas—the second time we’d ever met.

see him, and to see him see me. But I didn’t know what to call him. When speaking to Anna and Kela, I couldn’t say “your dad,” or “Michael” because that might hurt them. I couldn’t say “our dad,” because it’s not true in my heart, and frankly would be dishonorable to my dad.

Dad. Herman. The man who adopted me, but didn’t have to. The man who slaves his every day away to care for my mom, my brother and me. I’ve only ever had one dad.

Because while I can be kind to Michael going forward, I have no reason or room for kindness when it comes to the past. I know he’s sorry for what he did to my mom, how he’s sorry for losing me in the process— how he’s sorrier still that I’ve been better off without him.

Now that our paths have again intersected, we’ll move past it all because I don’t like confrontation.

But boy, growing up, how I ached for confrontation. To tell him I was so angry at him. Angry like he’d gouged out one of my eyes, leaving me a flat-sighted onlooker into a world I’m indelibly tied to, but will never really know. Angry to be afraid of not recognizing my sisters.

I

n last week’s column, I made evermore public my embarrassment over becoming a blathering fool on Twitter. In proverbial @ reply, the omniscient Twitterverse decided to level the score by reuniting me with one of my long-lost sisters.

A simple “Mele Kalikimaka” turned into a coffee date, which turned into a lunch meeting, which turned into a whole afternoon spent with no less than 12 closely related family members.

One of them was another sister, Kela. We have the same jaw line, the same subtle cleft in our chin. She’s preparing for her second tour in Afghanistan, and has a sprite spunk that I’d like to think we also share (though I know better).

It was with Kela that my life-long fear manifested five years ago, at the Pretzelmaker at the mall. Oh the surprise and shame of realizing I’d been making polite small talk with my sister! Our epiphany made quick crescendo to hugs and allnight catching up at her Happy Valley house, where I met all my siblings (there’s Macy, the youngest of the girls, and brother Bronson, too) and saw my father for the first (real) time since I was a toddler.

F

ather. Michael. That’s the tricky part—the reason so many siblings could grow up on a tiny isle and somehow never cross paths until later in life.

He was there, too. We didn’t say much, though I’ll admit it felt good to

28 DECEMBER 30, 2010

“

T

his is what you missed growing up,” Anna said, one part proud, one part sarcastic. We were sitting at the harbor watching our tutus fishing with a loaf of bread, and laughing about how we’ve always hated our big, kanaka noses. Inspecting their faces and our first-ever photos, I realize she and Kela have our grandmother’s nose, while I have our grandfather’s.

But I heard a twinge of defensiveness in my voice when I responded—that trapped-ball bouncing faster, it’s reverberation more metallic. My dad took me fishing, but in Kaupo. I didn’t miss anything.

I did, though, miss them. And while I’m no longer afraid of not recognizing them, I am now afraid I might never really know them. But I hope one day I might.

When we parted, I drove to the nearest Shell station. It’s not the Shell station where my dad works, but any Shell station will do in a pinch. I feel safe there. I sat in the parking lot and had a good cry. I cried out my fear and my anger and rewound my sister’s mirrored voice in my head, wiping my snotty nose just to feel its shape. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1428k

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

HOROSCOPE

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com +

Sign Language CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Have you got big plans for 2011? If not, why not? This is a year you could accomplish a lot, if you diligently plant the seeds right now. It might seem early for a “spring planting,” but this is actually a very good time to sow some possibilities and begin carefully tending them. Be warned, this is not a casual project! By summertime they could have enough momentum to keep growing on their own, but between now and then, they will require quite a bit of regular extra attention and care. Still, if they grow into your dreams, isn’t it more than worth it?

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Would you rather a thirty-minute drive or a one hour train ride? Obviously, the train takes twice as long, but you can nap, read, or do any number of things while you take it, whereas driving can be stressful, less environmentallyfriendly, and doesn’t lend itself well to multi-tasking (although, unfortunately, many people try anyway). This kind of decision reflects on your priorities, your need for control, and your ability to relax. There’s no right or wrong decision, of course—but your preferences could teach you a lot about yourself, and how to approach challenges in the year ahead.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) In the strictest sense, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. But in life, the direct approach occasionally results in a much longer journey than if you’d taken a subtler, more circuitous route to your intended destination. This is one of those times. Luckily, detours are a specialty of yours—although most of them happen less consciously than this one. You’ll find, though, that choosing to pursue a roundabout route can allow you to enjoy it more (and get more out of it, too).

What are you waiting for? The road less traveled awaits.

It’ll take longer than you planned, so the sooner you get going the less “late” you’ll be.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) One of your strengths is your childlike sense of wonder and excitement about the new stuff in your life. However, one of your weaknesses is finding ways to stay interested and invested in stuff once the novelty has worn off. Without that enticing sparkle, many Rams simply move on the next new thing, which makes getting deeply involved with something (or someone) tricky. Of course, skimming the surface of life, while endlessly interesting, doesn’t get you very far—so many things (and people) require a deeper commitment than that. This week, work on finding ways to happily dig in and stick around for the long haul, long after the glamour of the new has faded.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) As much as you’d like everything to run on a predictable and reasonably accurate schedule, you know it rarely works out that way. So many people are terrible at time management. They either can’t realistically predict how long something will take, or they get distracted and pursue schedule-destroying tangents. The “why” is mostly irrelevant, anyway, since our concern is coping with it.

Since you rarely suffer from such problems, it’s up to you to work and plan around them. Maybe making stuff happen shouldn’t be so complicated, but sometimes—like right now—it quite simply is. Deal.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Some people can soundly and blissfully sleep through anything; others need climate-controlled settings, blindfolds, and earplugs. Not much can be done for those in the latter category. They can’t choose to be one of those lucky deep sleepers, much as they might wish to. Similarly, there are things those around you can’t change, no matter how hard they might wish otherwise, and insisting that they try is both cruel and pointless. Either deal with it, or walk away from it, but trying to change stripes into spots is just not going to happen; quit hoping it will.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) All kids love to get gifts, but some of them grow up to be adults who get much more satisfaction out of giving than receiving. Of course, we all must do both in most normal human interactions, but recognizing which you like more can go a long way towards making you (and everyone around you) happier, because you can seek out people who synergize with your natural tendencies. If you’re a giver, go find a bunch of sweet and grateful takers who’ll appreciate all you have to offer—or vice versa. Embracing your own nature is this week’s big lesson—especially a challenge when it’s not what you wish it was.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Try to take things at face value this week. Sometimes, your intuition is sharp enough to read into things and correctly grasp the subtext. This is not one of those times. You’re apt to completely misinterpret anything you read between the lines, and make a mess where there doesn’t need to be one.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t more going on than meets the eye—just that you’re not likely to guess accurately, so it’s safer and better to just go with what you can clearly see.

No one can blame you for acting on that basis. Leaping to faulty conclusions, though—that’s something you can and will get blamed for.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) What you want is a crystal ball, one that works. What you’ve got is a situation that can’t be accurately forecast, no matter how badly you wish otherwise. You simply can’t know ahead of time all the crazy, fascinating ways things play out; if you want to find out you’ll just have to wait and see, like everyone else. That may be galling, frustrating, upsetting, or anxietyproducing, but the more swiftly and gracefully you can simply accept it and try to get into the absolute unpredictable, exciting, adventurousness of it all, the happier you’ll be.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) When you buy a gun, standard advice is that if you pull it out, you’d better be prepared and able to use it. Otherwise, it’ll put you in worse danger than if you had none. Same goes for any weapon, including a sharp tongue; whip it out and you’re likely to face equal or greater retaliation. Can you take what you dish out (or dish it out so decisively that there won’t be any backlash)? If you’re not prepared to see things through to the conclusion made inevitable by what you set in motion, it may be best to stay out of the fray altogether.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Most people’s singing skills can be improved with instruction and practice, but this is one of those things where talent is a strong limitation. There are some who will never, no matter how hard they work, become great singers. It’d be cruel to lead them to believe otherwise.

That said, singing skill isn’t necessarily a prerequisite to musical fame, as many huge stars have already proven. If you find yourself blocked from where you want to go by a limitation you can’t overcome, don’t necessarily give up on the dream—see if you can re-envision it instead.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC.21) If you’re going to go digging for buried treasure, at least have half a clue about where it might be hidden. Just randomly digging holes isn’t particularly likely to yield much. Without a treasure map, evocative riddle, or metal detector, you’re pretty much wasting your time. Don’t let the mostly imaginary lure of a big score tempt you from more consistently fruitful activities this week. You can go back to treasure-hunting later, when you’ve at least got a decent idea of where to look.

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A Spa Wailuku ...

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579-9922

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