14.25 Be A Bad-Ass Santa, December 9, 2010, Volume 14, Issue 25, MauiTime

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DECEMBER 9, 2010

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VOLUME 14

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ISSUE 25

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THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever given someone? Editor: Jacob Shafer (808) 283-1308 / jacob@mauitime.com @jacobshafer on Twitter A moose calendar Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter A keyboard vacuum Proofreader: Dina Wilson Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Nancy Kanyuk, Avery Monsen, Rob Parsons, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com A petrified turd Art Director: Chris Skiles chris@mauitime.com / lucky11studios.com A mechanical dancing gorilla holding fake scratch-off lotto tickets

ISSUE 25

5 NEWS & VIEWS Coconut Wireless talks Abercrombie inaugurals and Pearl Harbor. Birther debate impregnates Reader Feedback. Maui bus passes get cheaper—but not for commuters—in By the Numbers. Lingle has amnesia in Spin Cycle. Open Letters spits at tap water. Quizunderstood asks about child-star weddings and Russian rockets. Ducks smoke dope in News of the Weird. Eh Brah! splits haole hairs.

10 FEATURE STORY

Graphic Designers: Shane Fontanilla, Naomi D. Sheikin, Christina Tarleton

This holiday season, shop local: it’s good for small businesses, good for Maui and good for the peeps on your list. We show you how in our annual gift guide.

Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com A switchblade

26 FILM CRITIQUE

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter A bag of weed

Barry Wurst II says The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is so-so for the whole family.

Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Porn

27 Film Capsules/Listings

Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Two turtle doves in a pear tree Web Design: Linear Publishing www.linearpublishing.com Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter A frog with a penis

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright Š 2010 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime

28 THIS WEEK’S PICKS

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Contents

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Los Lobos and Mark Twain at the MACC (though sadly not together), a Paia beach party and kirtan with Krishna Das at The Studio.

30 Da Kine Calendar 31 Grid

36 BACK PAGES Kula Kid is digging gardens. Sign Language tells Libra to do it slow.

38 Classified 39 Mind, Body & Spirit

ON THE COVER: Santa Kanoa Kukaua Photography by Sean Michael Hower Design by Chris Skiles

7 N. Market Street, Wailuku 10am - 6pm M - F // 10am - 4pm Sat. 808.249.0215 // www.mauithing.com

DECEMBER 9, 2010

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DECEMBER 9, 2010

BY JACOB SHAFER

NEWS&VIEWS

jacob@mauitime.com + @jacobshafer on Twitter

Coconut Wireless ‘New Day’ Dawns “

T

he campaign is ended, the transition is concluded, the challenge awaits,” said Neil Abercrombie, Hawaii’s seventh elected Governor, minutes after taking the oath of office at Oahu’s Iolani Palace along with Lieutenant Governor Brian Schatz. Abercrombie’s remarks hit on familiar themes: education, the economy, energy independence. But we’ve heard plenty of speeches. Now, almost exactly nine months after the former Congressman launched his gubernatorial bid on Maui at the Kahana Beach canoe hale, the business of governing begins. And begin it did: less than 24 hours

Charter Schools Plus GOP Darling: A Good Equation?

H

awaii Charter Schools Network (HCSN)—which works with the state’s various charter schools, including two on Maui—says it “does not engage in political activities and does not endorse the views of any political candidates or affiliated parties.” Curious, then, that the organization chose as its new executive director Lynn Finnegan, a rising star in the state GOP who served as House minority leader and ran for Lieutenant Governor on the Republican ticket with Duke Aiona.

With supermajorities in both the state House and Senate, Abercrombie should be able to execute his agenda with little resistance. Some see a golden opportunity; others see a recipe for disaster. after grabbing the reins, Gov. Abercrombie released more than $90 million from the state’s hurricane relief and “rainy day” funds to end teacher furloughs and pay for public service programs like Healthy Start, Kupuna Care and the state’s low-income QUEST health care plan. “This Administration is getting to work right away, taking actions that reflect our values and priorities,” Abercrombie said in a statement. Those values and priorities are backed by supermajorities in both the state House and Senate, so Abercrombie should be able to execute his agenda with little resistance for at least the next two years. Some see a golden opportunity; others see a recipe for disaster. Now we all get to see how it plays out.

Then again—in an ironic twist— Finnegan only got the job because her predecessor, Alapaki Nahale-a, was tapped by Gov. Abercrombie to head up the state Department of Hawaiian Homelands, so clearly HCSN has no problem with political insiders. Finnegan—whose daughter attends a charter school—has called increasing the number of charters statewide, “an important step forward in our work for real education reform.” She’s also staked out some controversial positions: in 2009 she voted against a bill requiring state-funded sex ed programs to provide “age appropriate, medically accurate” information about contraception and disease

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prevention in addition to abstinence, and in July she penned an op ed in The Maui News arguing that same-sex civil unions would “compromise [the] covenant of traditional marriage.” Makes you wonder what exactly Finnegan meant last week when she told Hawaii News Now that she wants to provide “choices for parents.”

Rums

Makes

Great Gift

s

Remembering Pearl Harbor

T

his week marked the 69th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, and brought the usual array of ceremonies, dedications and proclamations. But we can’t think of anyone better than Sen. Dan Inouye—who witnessed the bombing as a 17-year-old kid and ultimately lost his arm in the war that followed—to memorialize the occasion: “On the morning of December 7, 1941, I was preparing to attend church with my family when the trajectory of my life was forever changed by Imperial Japan’s decision to attack Pearl Harbor. I was in my bedroom of my family’s home in Moilili listening to the radio when the announcer broke in to frantically report that the Japanese were bombing Pearl Harbor. I ran outside with my father and remember clearly the drone of the airplane engines overhead. We looked up to see the blazing red suns on each wing and we knew that as Japanese Americans, our lives would never be the same. The events of the morning of December 7 began an arduous period of my life, one that taught me to be brave, to persevere and how to deal with the staggering loss of friends killed in combat. As we mark that tragic morning, let us honor the thousands who lost their lives by dedicating our actions to ensuring that we leave this world a peaceful place.” ■

Made M d on Maui M i Rums. R Not available outside of Maui. Bring it home in your checked luggage. Available at most Maui spirits retailers, including Hawaii Liquor Superstore, Aloha Discount Liquors, Foodland, Wine Corner & Whalers General Stores

www.mauirum.biz

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1425c

The Blog Roll If the editors at Urban Dictionary want to explain why “faux-waiiana” didn’t make the cut while “fart enthusiast” did, we’re all ears. In the meantime, we’ll be over in the corner, picking up the pieces of our...

Makena Resort is transforming the old Hakone space into Raku Japanese Restaurant, and celebrating the change with a grand opening this Friday at 5pm. Sample half-price sushi and enter to win...

Dear Oahu peeps and Maui hopefuls vying for tickets and airfare to see Passion Pit, compliments of BAMP Project, MauiTime and go! Mokulele airlines: There’s been an important change to the show’s date/venue. Here’s the scoop...

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NEWS&VIEWS

By the NUMBERS

READER FEEDBACK Re the December 2 feature “The Seven Scariest Things Ever Introduced to Hawaii”: Thanks for writing this. I don’t agree with everything on your list (come on, kiawe can’t be the worst non-native plant, even with the thorns) but it’s a good conversation starter and hopefully will get people to think more about the impact humans have—and the serious threat posed by invasive species.

C.L. (via e-mail)

Re the

I challenge anyone to find any U.S. civics book, any scholarly book on Constitutional law or any living Constitutional expert of any standing who agrees with this totally made up citizenparent requirement. It is simply not there. The Swiss book, The Law of Nations (short English title), is a compilation of international law that says citizenship requirements vary from country to country. Its Prussian author had very different ideas about citizenship than the Englishtrained lawyers who wrote our Constitution. I have yet to understand how so many people believe something that is in not a single reference work outside birther Web sites. TSA VS.

December 2 Coconut Wireless entry “A New Breed of Birther”: “Natural born citizen” does not mean that both WORST THINGS your parents EVER INTRODUCED TO HAWAII need to be also; it simply means that you must be born on the soil that both your parents are citizens of. This is ACLU TAKING SCROOGE UNDER POTTER true in many PENULTIMATE Malcolm Weeks nations, hence QUOTE OF THE WEEK:“When wild conspiracy theories fail, try a blatant misreading of the Constitution...” (via mauitime. The Law of com) Nations, the title of the Everyone has known that President Obama’s book from which the term was defined. father wasn’t a citizen since the early- to The simple fact that Obama admits he was mid-’90s. Most of the people who voted a British subject at birth disqualifies him to for him knew it. The electors who cast their become President. If you fully research the votes for him knew it. Dick Cheney knew issue and use the laws that were in place it when he certified the electoral votes in at the time of his birth you can only come Congress. Chief Justice Roberts knew it to the conclusion that not only is he not a when he swore Obama in. All the judges natural born citizen, he was never a citizen who have gotten these dumb cases knew of the U.S. His mother was not old enough it when they dismissed them. And every to confer citizenship by the laws in place Justice on the Supreme Court knew it. at the time and because his father was a The problem for you is that “natural born British subject, Obama was born under the citizen” isn’t defined in the Constitution, or jurisdiction of the Crown. His last known anywhere in American law. But that doesn’t citizenship was Indonesian and there is no mean you get to define it the way you want record of him being naturalized upon his just because you’re not mature enough to return to the U.S. This is not “birther” crap, accept the fact that you lost. it is the law applied to the facts. DECEMBER 2, 2010 ✚ VOLUME 14 ✚ ISSUE 24 ✚

FREE

72 years

Age of Neil Abercrombie, making him the oldest Governor in state history

38 years Age of Brian Schatz, making him the youngest Lieutenant Governor in state history

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Cost of a new bus pass—set to go on sale January 1—that will allow “unlimited travel” for a full day, according to a County release

Number of commuter routes where the pass will be accepted

Sources: Offices of the Governor & Lieutenant Governor, County of Maui

SPINcycle

PG.7.

PG.17. PG.18.

pg.5

Greg Goss (via mauitime.com)

Listen You Idiots (via mauitime.com)

Sendyo ur FEEDBACK

to the editor via e-mail (editor@mauitime.com), or post (Feedback, MauiTime, 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793), or check us out on Twitter (twitter.com/mauitime) and Facebook (facebook.com/mauitime).

Historical Omissions... As she packed her pantsuits and exited the Governor’s mansion this week, former Gov. Lingle launched a new Web site (thelingleyears.wordpress.com). Sentimentally titled “Looking Back, And Forward,” the site purports to be a chronicle of Lingle’s eight years in office. Curious, then, that searches for “Hawaii Superferry,” “Furlough Fridays” and “civil unions” yield zero results. - JS

We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime. DECEMBER 9, 2010

7

NEWS&VIEWS

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DECEMBER 9, 2010

Territory of Hawaii began issuing licenses for what previously illegal activity? See answers, page 37

Overheard “She’s everything I never thought I wanted.” - Man to his friend at Polo Beach

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

NEWS&VIEWS

chuck@mauitime.com +

EH BRAH!

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ORGAN FAIL Britain’s National Health Service acknowledged in November that, because of a shortage of healthy lungs and other organs available for transplant, it was offering those on waiting lists the option of receiving them from former smokers, drug addicts, cancer patients and the elderly. “You have to say,” said an official with the NHS’s Blood and Transplant unit, “do you get a lung with more risk, or do you get no lung [at all]?”

SMOKING QUACK French farmer Michele Rouyer, who was discovered by police with about 11 pounds of packaged marijuana and a dozen plants, said the weed was not for himself but for the 150 ducks he raises—in that a specialist had suggested that marijuana is an effective dewormer and fever-preventer. (Rouyer did acknowledge that, well, yes, maybe he smoked a little of it himself.) In November, a court in Rochefort fined him the equivalent of about $700. At least, he insisted proudly, his ducks are worm-free.

former pedophile priest John Geoghan), popped the question recently to Christian minister Shirl Borden, who agreed to marry him in October after five years of being pen pals. Borden said the pair’s relationship turned romantic over their mutual love of NASCAR.

FLASH COURSE When a female New York City subway rider recorded video (on her cell phone) of a male exhibitionist flaunting himself at her recently, and posted it to the Internet, the regulars at one specialized Web site largely defended the man. Some visitors at DickFlash.com (evidently a favorite hangout for flashers) tore into the woman for being too sensitive. Wrote one, “If she doesn’t want to see it, she can just look away.” And another: “She should be thankful he flashed his dick at her.” Others merely offered advice for the flasher on technique: “OK, lets [sic] point out his mistakes: Subways or local buses must be done with sweats or some form of elastic band so that when u did [sic] get busted it’s easy to slip back up.”

To the self-proclaimed “locals” poaching on the reef in North Kihei and yelling the f-word at the “haoles” in the outrigger canoes that dared to check on what you were doing: If you were real Hawaiians, you would know how to pronounce ha‘ole correctly. But then again you wouldn’t be destroying the reef and thinking you own the land. Did your family forget to tell you that they haven’t been here any longer than a lot of these “haole” families you cursed out? You put a shame on any real Hawaiian, be it by ancestry or by heart. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1425e

INCOMPETENT PEOPLE

ILLEGAL RAMIFICATIONS

WED ON ARRIVAL

(1) Police in Gumperda, Germany, arrested a 64-year-old retired do-it-yourselfer in November after he drilled through a neighbor’s wall in their duplex home. The man had spent two days trapped in his own basement, where he had laid bricks and mortar for a room but apparently forgot to leave himself an exit. (2) Sheryl Urzedowski, 38, was cited in September for DUI in Orland Park, Illinois, after failing a field sobriety test. According to the officer’s report, after being told to walk a straight line Urzedowski put her hands on her hips and strutted to and fro “as if she were a [runway] model,” after which, apprehensive about being arrested, she asked the officer to read her “the Amanda rights.” ■

Joe Druce, who is serving life in prison in Massachusetts for one murder (and who subsequently murdered fellow inmate and

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1425n

In November, the California Supreme Court ruled unanimously that some illegal immigrants can enroll in the state’s universities at the in-state residents’ rate (saving as much as $23,000 a year) even though U.S. citizens at the same schools may have to pay higher fees as non-California residents. Though federal law prevents special benefits to illegal immigrants, California law entitles anyone who has attended the state’s high schools for at least three years, and graduated, to pay resident rates— irrespective of their parents’ legal residency.

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DECEMBER 9, 2010

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10 DECEMBER 9, 2010

S S A D A B A T IFTS

A E B , R A E Y S I TH

N A S

G L A C O L ’ N I E K S E ROC H T H T I W G

N I K C O T S FF YOUR

AND STU

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Len

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K ER TNEY SHAF YO & BRI B O & JAC ARRO USSO , HENRY R N R E , JE HOW YAGI ANU MICHAEL Y B DS N WOR S BY SEA O T O PH

k” ell Roc ingle B ay J “ ( d e pos olid r all, h ally op metric ree” are, afte ne is about ia d ’t n as T er. O about s are ristma d the Christm t match, eith ; the other is h C d n c ock a e Man s. Aroun ren’t a perfe r ockin’ it to th a and “R s). But they and sticking ctic toymake ar ay g t e s in y iv in t t a r u ah, or a m dimin nts, p hanuk we a d C p n r r a o e ( h n s as me leat hristm tores. A s, snow your C ally owned s impact. And e cookie r u s n big t loc an e ut t you c asing gifts a onomy has a d unique, b n er, tha h c a v c . e r e s l i u o h w t u p o o by emo ely c ay, h e Ma one w ) will rock— llars into th s aren’t mer orporate beh s i e r e s r o Th land c Festivu injecting d cking stuffe all. n Main aa, or r, o after Kwanz ou every yea ing your st es rather tha Man e h w s t y s o n to ine remind ake pride, k all bus ing it nt stick sed sm t u o you ca g island-ba ab n be rtin as ca suppo m t s i r e Ch mayb Hey—

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*Note: Each category hed is also the title of a famous (or semi-famous) album or song. See how many of the artists you can name (answers on page 25)

PET SOUNDS

P

ets are great to shop for because they love you no matter what you get them. Instead of wrapping that bag of dog food and putting a bow on it, take your four-legged friend down to

Birken and Bailey’s Too in Kihei and get a photo with Santa and their favorite treat, or choose from a terrific selection of stylish doggie (and kitty) duds. If you’re on the Lahaina side, hit up West Side Pets for a crazy selection of squeaky toys. And if you’re hunting for a holiday pet, please stop by the Maui Humane Society and rescue an animal; they always have plenty of beautiful creatures ready to melt your Grinchly heart.

BEGGARS BANQUET

e can be thankful that we live in a land of plenty with myriad local alternatives to the pesticide-laden, processed foods have become so much a part of our food culture. Start with gift boxes of Maui-grown veggies and specialty items from Kula Fields. You can go online, choose your box size and products and have it delivered. Even better: an annual membership for your family ensures fresh Maui veggies will arrive at your door. If you can’t pull that off, head to a local farmers’ market and make your own veggie baskets to give away; it won’t pack the sugary punch of the usual cookie basket, but it will make your gift unique. Maui Culinary Academy’s food court in the Paina building on the UH Maui

campus has a product line of seasoned salts, jams, coffee, scone mixes and spice rubs made using Maui ingredients. The Patisserie and the Academy bakery also produce beautiful cookies, brownies and loaves of bread. Homemaid Bakery, a mom and pop operation open since 1960 on Lower Main, has adorable pre-made gift baskets for $24.99, and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays this month you can buy one dozen malasadas and get one free. If you’d like to customize your gift basket with, say, their famous manju or mochi, give them a few days lead time. Chocolates make a fantastic Christmas gift, especially with the ladies. Sweet Paradise Chocolate in Lahaina is the newest chocolatier to hit Maui, and their artistic designs are to die for. For the best truffles on the island, head to Maui Bake Shop in Wailuku; Jose and Clair Krall hand-make these decadent

DECEMBER 9, 2010 11

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and irresistible chocolate balls. Also sweet, a gift certificate at Tutti Frutti. Give the gift of a dining experience with gift cards for a night out. Rather than taking up space in a closet or drawer, these presents offer rich memories, good food and drink and, perhaps most importantly, no cleanup. At the top of the list is 1 Stella Blues’ amazing line-up of Supper Club shows, a production done nowhere else on Maui. Live music is paired with four courses and wine. Reserve seats early for the seven-course extravaganza on New Year’s Eve with Jon Cruz. At Mulligan’s on the Blue you can ring in the holidays with Willie K and a prime rib and seafood buffet. Meanwhile, at 2 Pita Paradise Wailea, every $100 purchased in gift certificates nets you a $20 gift card. For the wine geeks, on December 21 Merriman’s Kapalua will offer a special three-course pairing and advanced sommelier challenge between Jason “Cass� Castle and Charles Fredy. Also on the West side, you can get dinner and show packages for Ulalena at the Maui Myth and Magic Theatre with Lahaina Prime Rib and Fish Company, David Paul’s Island

Grill, Lahaina Grill and Ruths Chris. A hot ticket right now in the foodie world is to hire a private chef to do the dinner duties.You get to designate your dishes, but the chef does all the work. If you’re having a hard time finding someone, the folks at Sneak Peek Eats have already done the homework for you; log on to their Website and see a list of available Maui chefs, including John Galvan, Rodger “Raja� Shortell, Jana McMahon and Susan Teton. Take the stress out of your Christmas dinner party and let them do the shopping and cooking for you.

SAFE AS MILK

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istilling your own beer and hooch sounds like a pain in the neck. Luckily there are plenty of local distillers, spirits producers and craft beer makers on-island to keep your holiday booze shopping local. Maui Brewing Company has begun canning two new flavors you didn’t get in your holiday basket last year: Mana Wheat and Island Root beer. Haleakala Distillers’ Okolehau Liqueur is exotic, as is their collection of Maui-distilled rums. Ocean Vodka is blended

with desalinated deep-sea ocean water and makes mean holiday martinis. Exploring Tedeschi Vineyards, our local winery, is a quintessential Maui outing. If you can’t get up to their charming Ulupalakua tasting room, pick up their concoctions at the 3 Wine Corner, located in both Lahaina and Paia. Maui Prime has a monthly wine club that makes a great gift for vino-philes—you get a red and a white wine monthly with recipes and tasting profiles. Another great gift idea for the spirits enthusiast? Head over to your local liquor store, like the Liquor Shack in Makawao or 4 Aloha Discount Liquor and Valley Isle Liquor in Kihei, pick up a selection of fine small bottles and create a gift basket of booze. Maui is getting more recognition for its fine coffee grown here on island. There are two ways you can go: buy gift cards for latte lovers at local shops like Big Wave Espresso, Akamai Coffee and Wailuku Coffee Company in Central, Anthony’s Coffee Company on the North Shore, S&Q Coffee & Shave Ice Shack down South and Sir Wilfred’s out

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West. Otherwise, the home brewer will love a bag of Maui beans; you can find them at Maui Grown Coffee in Lahaina and Maui Coffee Roasters in Kahului.

THE CHRONIC

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ou love tobacco, but you don’t want to smoke it out of some boring cigarette, right? No, you want to smoke it out of a massive water pipe taller than a prepubescent power forward. And you want to stash it in a container that looks like a soda or a can of soup. And you also want T-shirts

and incense and lighters and rolling papers. Because you love tobacco. And chances are you’ve got another tobacco lover on your list. You’re in luck: from West Side Vibes in Lahaina to 5 Hawaiian Holy Smokes and Maui Mana on the South side, Maui is blessed with a large crop of local smoke purveyors. Fire it up.

want your toys to be cool. Fortunately, Maui’s local toy shops understand this, and cater to children and the Santa Clauses responsible for their social and mental development. For more than 25 years, Maui Toy Works at the Lahaina Cannery Mall has been supplying gifts for good little girls and boys. In Central Maui, Wild Creatures is a small but packed-to-the-gills outlet for quality wooden playthings, plus books, puzzles and more. And Makawao’s Maui Child Toys & Books keeps the Upcountry keiki supplied. Because you’re never too old to play, and you’re never too young to play with good stuff.

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pa packages are a fabulous service—for men and women. It’s not your usual dude gift, but they may surprise you— even if they aren’t metro sexual. For hands and toes, head to Van Beauty Salon in Kahului; their deluxe pedicure-manicure combos are the bomb. The facial and massage package at Green Ti in Wailuku is an amazing deal, and their convenient location features a menagerie of great gifts for body and home. For full-body indulgence try a coffee, chocolate, mango or pineapple-lime body treatment at Spa Helani at the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort in Lahaina, where you can also enjoy the steam room and rain showers. Need more in-depth body care? Try a treatment gift certificate at 6 Iao Acupuncture, where they can pinpoint and treat ailments with ancient Chinese know-how. If it’s beauty she wants, gift certificates for cuts, color, blowouts and more are going to light her up under the tree. Paragon Salon in Makawao is full-service from your feet to your head. In Central Maui, Maui Hair and Body, Colours Salon and Beauty Bar feature fab products and professional service. For West Maui beauty seekers, Soleil Luna Salon and Plush Beauty are the hot spots for waxing, hair care and cuts. Looking for something a little more permanent? Get your ink junkie gift

certificates for his or her favorite Maui artists. In Kihei, try Maui Tattoo Company and Pacific Rootz Tattoo. Nancy at the Paia Tattoo Parlor has been putting needle to skin on Maui for over 15 years, and the crew there has amazing talents, and great art for sale to boot. On the West side, Spike’s West Side Ink and Tony Mucci’s crew at Skin Deep Lahaina have (literally) got you covered. With great locally made bath and body goods—like the full line of Alii Kula Lavender Farm’s soaps, lotions and hair care products—your stockings should be stuffed appropriately. At Lilikoi Beauty in Paia you can find natural-made lines of

cosmetics and many locally sourced items. For more natural cosmetics and body shop potions, check out health food stores like Hawaiian Moons in Kihei, or Down to Earth and Alive and Well in Central Maui.

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Him in Kahana for some of the mainstays in men’s fashion. Owner Jefferson Wery keeps his store stocked with hard-to-find and rare items, plus hats, glasses and footwear. For the skateboard/surfwear enthusiast, head to 9 One Eighty Boardshop in the Queen Kaahumanu Center for a wide selection of clothing and gear.

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and new styles, that have been featured in the famous Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. In Lahaina, the Pakaloha swimsuits are Brazilian made. In South Maui, Rainbow Attic has a great selection of swimwear and cover ups at consignment prices. There are a lot of fine places onisland to get a girl clothes while keeping it local. Designers like Tamara Katz and 8 Wings Hawaii have shops in Paia and offer great-looking and unique island gear. Meanwhile, Maui Thing in Wailuku is the spot for essential pieces like screen-printed tees and knits. There aren’t a whole lot of indie shoe stores on-island, but staying out of the corporate footwear emporiums is easier than you think. At If the Shoe Fits in Wailuku, owner and proprietor Teri Edmunds is now consigning shoes and repairing, and she carries her own lines as well. Mahina boasts a number of fashion-forward styles, and Collections in Makawao has fabulous hand-made-yet-high-end shoes. So what to get a male fashionista? Head to

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ince there’s loads of local places that offer beaded and wire-wrapped jewelry creations, let’s instead highlight some of those with smithery skills enough for Santa’s stamp of approval. The venerable J.B. Rea has taught many a Mauian how to bezel stones and turn springs into jump rings, and we’ll bet that when he nicks himself, he oozes liquid metal like a Terminator. Made with inspiration and incomparable adroitness, Rea’s pieces are truly wearable art—evidenced by the fact that you can find his work in gallery shops like the Hui No‘eau or Viewpoints. Hailing from Honolulu, mother and daughter design team Linda and Akemi Ueda present their Paradisus brand, available at Sargent’s Fine Jewelry. Distinctly Hawaiian motifs include the newly introduced Ulu and Kalo lines and the androgynous Kapa line, perfect whether you need jewelry for wahine or kane. Of course there are the lovely ladies of Wings Hawaii (now on Baldwin Ave.), whose hand-wrought jewelry is as covetable as their threads. And, Makawao’s Nina Kuna says it best when she describes her seainspired bling as “paying homage to a wild perfection found in organic elements.�

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LOCAL GIFT GUIDE

Great costume jewelry and handmade jewelry can pull together an outfit and make you look polished. You’ll find it under Lahaina’s banyan tree on weekends, hand-made by artisans, or in shops all over the island. A recent search on Etsy.com found 253 artists from Maui selling pieces of jewelry—meaning you can shop local even while online.

PAUL’S BOUTIQUE

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rom clothing and accessories to curios and household goods, antique and consignment shops—like Bohemia Boutique, Elise Clothing Co., 10 Paia Trading Co. and Rainbow Attic, or the antiques alley that is Wailuku’s Market Street—all have offerings that apply to nearly any of our guide’s categories. No longer just for bailiwick collectors who love good patina, vintage items are hot on everyone’s list—and you just might spock the perfect quirky accoutrement for that perfectly quirky someone on your list. But since offerings are innumerably varied and subject to luck, it’s impossible to describe exactly what you might find. Instead, here are a few tips on how to shop second hand. First of all, be certain of your gift-receiver’s aesthetic as most shops have an all-sales-final policy. When buying any textile (i.e. clothing, linens, upholstery) spot check for stains and wear—some flaws are fixable and others are not. New or used, it’s always a good idea to flip a garment inside-out and assess the quality of construction and if serged stitches are intact. For ceramics and glassware, check for fissures that might lead to a breakage in the imminent future and always carefully run your finger along an item’s lip to feel for hidden chips. Sets of dishes should come in increments of 4, 6, 8 or 12 (barring serving pieces, of course), so odd-numbered

collections mean you have pieces missing. If you’re at a loss for theme, think practical items like vases or platters in favorite colors/motifs (for an added personal touch, fill with fresh flowers or a homemade holiday dish), or industry-related items (e.g. vintage utensils for foodies, antique tools for handymen, etc.). Ask the salesperson if they know the history of the piece. You might get lucky—provenance adds value, and good stories ought not be lost. Also, remember a quick online search from your smart phone can help you tell whether you’re paying over or under market value.

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id you know that tuque is the technical term for beanie, or that fedoras were at first a feminine fashion and that the name comes from a 19th century play about heroine Princess Fedora? Hats of any style have history, and whatever groovy noggin-topper you’re in search of, Alice in Hulaland probably has it. Or check out the ultra-chic and ultra-intricate lauhala masterpieces at 11 Native Intelligence. They’ll run you a pretty penny, but once

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ou’re automatically on the Naughty list if you sink so low as to gift any fauxwaiiana crap from Walmart et alia. Yes, even to Mainland peeps. Yes, even as a joke. So where do you find good Hawaiiana goods? Look no further than 12 Native Intelligence. Forget eggnog, they’ve got ‘awa! Beyond clothes and books, why not a leiomano (shark’s tooth weapon) for Dad’s mantel, or Ni‘ihau shells to show mom you (really, really) care? Also, their feather-art accessories are more cosmopolitan than you might imagine, with blooming headbands and hair clips that are cross-culturally runway worthy. While their design sensibility might be a little clichĂŠ, Martin & MacArthur is still king of koa. Or visit similarly themed Totally Hawaiian and score a carved stone wall hanging—plus matching greeting cards— by artist Guy Junker, among others.

SPEAKERBOXX/ THE LOVE BELOW

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alking into Requests Music’s bizarre realm of beats may be a time warp, but it doesn’t have to be a time suck. See, Requests’s staffers’ synapses sync up a web of media knowledge that’s comprehensive yet curated—better and quicker than any Internet search might. If the bassist from your loved one’s favorite band lays killer

bottoms elsewhere, they’ll know. Or if said favorite band contributed otherwise unreleased work to a cinema soundtrack (and never underestimate the pleasures of a concert DVD), they’ll recommend that, too. Suddenly, you’re stuffing stockings with obscure awesomeness—and looking like quite the savvy aficionado. On the other hand, if you’re willing to spend the time, picking through their thousands of used vinyl discs can yield everything from treasures for the audiophile in your life to gag gifts or unique wall art (look for out-of-left-field covers and titles; we recently scored Spectacular Sounds of the Incomparable Robin Hood Band, with the cover featuring a 57-piece orchestra dressed in tights and tiny red hats). Speaking of wall art, their vintage neon concert posters make great gifts, too (beyond band names, keep an eye out for concert dates that might align with a friend’s birthday). For the ear-candy confectioner on your list, Bounty Music—or the more niche Mele Ukulele and Lahaina Music stores—are best bets. Whether or not you can spring for a new axe, accessories like packs of strings aren’t just practical, they’re easy to wrap. For budding virtuosos, buy some baby drums or maracas—and maybe ear plugs for the poor souls who have to suffer ‘til stardom is attained.

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SATURDAY 11 9pm UP AND COMING ISLAND ROOTS BAND SUNDAY 12 8pm

NFL SUNDAY TICKET

KARAOKE CONTEST

!,, $!93 „ !,, 4)-%3

OPEN MIC

ALL GAMES HAPPY HOUR DEALS EVERYDAY 2-6PM 22 DECEMBER 9, 2010

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT

MONDAY 13 8pm

KARAOKE

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

TUESDAY 14 9pm

PRIZES!! $1 TACOS $3 CORONAS $3 CUERVO SHOTS WATCH OR BE A STAR!

WEDNESDAY 15 9pm

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER 808.250.1788 MAUI WEDDING MEDIAS.COM

LAGEom L I V 1945 S KIHEI RD, KALAMAulusmaui.c 879-9944 „ l

77 Ho’okele St. Ste. 302, Kahului 270-1077 Shop local and support The Maui Historical Society!

Unique Gifts

10%

Holiday Sale Discount December 1st - 24th

Bailey House Museum Shop

2375A Main Street, Wailuku Open 10am-4pm MON-SAT

244-3326

2010

HEY MOM,

LOCAL GIFT GUIDE

STOKE YOUR SPONGER OUT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!

13

BEST SELECTION OF BOOGIES + FINS IN THE STATE

in working order, how about a colorful glass squid by Kauai-born Christopher Upp? Or go big-ticket with one of Gordon Sherman’s Alexander Calder-esque wooden mobiles. If you want to give the gift of making art, a membership to Hui No‘eau will earn your special someone discounts on classes. The Hui is famous for its holiday craft fair, and milling around the historic Upcountry estate will make you feel happily hoity-toity anytime of year. The Lahaina Art Society boasts both the Old Jail Gallery and Banyan Tree Gallery, plus every weekend hosts a sprawling art fair. Speaking of which, various seasonal bazaars abound, and swap meets and farmers’ markets see decided boosts in inventory—great for constructing hand-picked gift baskets.

THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST...

I

f crystal healing isn’t in your alternative medicine cabinet, you may wonder how the mystical crystal market hasn’t become saturated (we’re guessing it must be a hippie food source). But however the demand for esoteric stones is kept up, rock collecting has hard science (ba dum ching!) joys, too. Hawaii is already Mecca for marine biologists—and we’ve got volcanos. Why not inspire a future geologist by hooking up your keiki with some mind-blowing geodes and a good book. For the former, check out 13 Green Lotus and Crystal Dreams; for the latter, visit Friends of the Library and Old Lahaina Book Emporium. Oh, and for more local lit (and other cool stuff like bath products), hit up the gift shops at the 14 Bailey House Museum and Wo Hing Temple (memberships make good gifts, too).

70 E KAAHUMANU AVE UNIT A-10 Kahului, HI 96732 (808) 873-7833

Christmas Pawty 7EXYVHE] (IGIQFIV XL EQ TQ

t 1JDUVSFT XJUI 4"/5" t 0SOBNFOU i)6/5w t '3&& 5SFBUT t t %JTDPVOUT BOE NPSF t

DECEMBER SPECIALS #VEEZ #JTDVJUT Buy 1 Get 1 FREE "MM $MPUIJOH 15% OFF

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DECEMBER 9, 2010 23

HELP

HELP OTHERS... RECEIVE A $5.00 SERENDIPITY COUPON THROUGH 1/31/11 WHEN YOU YO BRING A $5.00 FOOD OR MONETARY DONATION FOR THE TH MAUI FOOD BANK TO ANY SERENDIPITY CLOTHING BOUTIQUE LOCATION.

ADDITIONAL 25% OFF ALREADY REDUCED PRICES.

BUY 3 SALE ITEMS, GET THE 4TH FREE! ‡ +DLNX 5G +DLNX +, 2QH PLOH RII +DQD +Z\

SHOP SERENDIPITY... FOR AFFORDABLE HOLIDAY GIFTS... LARGE AND SMALL.

Enjoy

50%

off from 5:30-7pm Daily! Cocktail Menu Draft Beer Wine of the Month Bar Snax Menu Offered everyday in our bar and lounge until December 21st

900 Front Street Lahaina

(808) 662-3000

www.davidpaulsislandgrill.com

Free Pap Smears & Mammograms +XL 1R .H 2OD 3RQR %&&&3 LV FXUUHQWO\ VHUYLQJ ZRPHQ ZKR GR QRW KDYH PHGLFDO LQVXUDQFH

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24 DECEMBER 9, 2010

2010

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BEYOND THE SEA

I

f you live on Maui and don’t participate in any water sports, you’re missing out on more than half the fun. But even if you’re an ocean-phobe, you’ve assuredly got someone on your list who isn’t. Head to Kahului, where 15 Hi Tech Surf and Sports, Second Wind, Naish Maui Pro Center and 16 The Foam Company are all conveniently located. Each spot offers an expansive selection and, more essentially, expertise, along with surf boards, body boards, paddle boards, wind surfing gear

and all the accessories needed to tackle Maui’s monster (and beginner) waves. Because nothing says Christmas in paradise like suiting up and paddling out. â–

Call Kevin

808.276.0873

8ll]f\af_ÛlgÛYddÛqgmjÛdYf\k[Yh]Ûf]]\k 8ll]f\af_ÛlgÛYddÛqgmjÛdYf\k[Yh]Ûf]]\k

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1425a

*Artists (in order): The Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band, Dr. Dre, Radiohead, TLC, Billie Holiday, Kanye West, Beastie Boys, Nine Inch Nails, David Gilmour, Outkast, Joni Mitchell, David Bowie, Bobby Darin

16

DECEMBER 9, 2010 25

BY BARRY WURST II

FILM

barry@mauitime.com

Narnia, Man It’s Happenin’... If by “it� you mean a tame, inoffensive fantasy Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Dude. Those mushrooms are deďŹ nitely kicking in.

★★★★★

Rated PG/115 min.

I

was a sophomore at Ka‘ahumanu Hou when I played Peter in a traveling production of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. During one performance, I was in the middle of an on-stage battle with my friend Lena, playing the White Witch, when she knocked my sword out of my hand (which was in the script) and sent it hurtling into some kid in the front row (which wasn’t). Thankfully, the boy shrugged it off with Zenlike grace and kept watching the show (if you’re reading this all these years later, thank you whoever you are, and I hope it didn’t turn you off to sword fights or live theater). I thought about that kid while watching The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the third Narnia film after The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian and the first to be shown in 3-D—which makes

getting slammed in the face with a broad sword far less painful. This time, only two of the Pevensie children, Lucy (Georgie Henley) and Edward (Skandar Keynes), are whisked away from their normal life to join Prince Caspian

LOVE YOUR PET... WE DO.

MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY ADOPTION DAY NEXT SATURDAY DEC. 18TH! 0REMIUM .UTRITION s 1UALITY "RANDS s 0ERSONALIZED 3ERVICE

DOG SE S Y L I AS FAM NG CL ! (808) 667-2662 INI ERE D7-0%43500,9 A '-!), #/- s 7 7 7 7 %3 4 - ! 5 )0 %4 3 5 0 0 ,9 # / R F T OF 910 Honoapiilani Hwy, Lahaina 96761

26 DECEMBER 9, 2010

(Ben Barnes) on a high-seas adventure. A new addition is Cousin Eustace, an irritating character overplayed by Will Poulter who is meant to serve as comic relief. Instead, he’s the film’s Jar Jar Binks, though he becomes tolerable in the third act when he (literally)

loses his voice. The rest of the kids are photogenic but wooden, and once again Aslan the lion (voiced by Liam Neeson) and Reepicheep the swashbuckling mouse (voiced by Simon Pegg, replacing Eddie Izzard) are the most life-like and engaging characters. The special effects are extraordinary throughout, but aside from a scary-looking sea monster this tame fantasy is suitable as a family holiday outing. There are good lessons about being grateful for who you are and realizing your potential, as well as some unobtrusive Christian allegories. The Narnia movies continue to be pleasant and well made but underwhelming. Disappointing considering the source material: C.S. Lewis’s rich, beloved classics. Dawn Treader is less pretentious and a half-hour shorter than the latest Harry Potter, but it’s still cinematic dÊjà vu: another week, another movie about pasty-faced European kids entering a magical world populated by CGI creatures who out-act them at every turn. ■To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1407

Showtimes FIRSTLIGHT

Castle Theater, MACC, 579-9244

Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer - R - WED 6:00. The Fighter - R - WED 8:00.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

Unstoppable - PG13 - THU 5:50, 8:10. FRI-SAT 2:00, 9:30. SUN 2:00. MON-WED 3:30, 8:15.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees)

Burlesque - PG13 - THU (4:15), 7:00, 9:45. FRI (3:45), 6:30, 9:30. SATSUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:30. MON-WED (3:45), 6:30, 9:30. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2D) - PG - FRI (4:15), 7:00, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 7:00, 9:45. The Next Three Days - PG13 - THU (3:45), 6:30, 9:30 Tangled (2D) - PG - THU (3:45), 6:30, 9:15. FRI (3:45), 6:30, 9:00. SATSUN (1:15), 3:45, 6:30, 9:00. MON-WED (3:45), 6:30, 9:00. The Warrior’s Way - R - THU (4:30), 7:15, 10:00. FRI (4:30), 7:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED (4:30), 7:15, 9:45.

KA’AHUMANU 6

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm)

Burlesque - PG13 - THU 11:05, 1:50, 4:25, 7:10, 9:45. FRI-WED 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU 11:15, 12:15, 1:20, 2:20, 3:20, 4:25, 5:25, 6:25, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30. FRI-SUN 10:15, 11:15, 1:25, 2:20, 5:25, 7:00, 8:30, 10:05. MON-WED 11:15, 1:25, 2:20, 5:25, 7:00, 8:30, 10:05. Megamind (2D) - PG - FRI-WED 12:00, 2:30, 4:45, 7:00. Megamind (3D) - PG - THU 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 The Tourist - PG13 - FRI-SAT 11:00, 12:00, 1:20, 2:20, 3:40, 4:40, 6:00, 7:00, 8:20, 9:20, 10:35. SUN-WED 11:00, 12:00, 1:20, 2:20, 3:40, 4:40, 6:00, 7:00, 8:20, 9:20. Unstoppable - PG13 - THU 12:00, 2:15, 4:30, 8:00, 10:15. FRI-WED 4:30, 9:20.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm)

Burlesque - PG13 - THU 1:10, 3:45, 6:20, 8:55. FRI-SAT 11:40, 2:15, 4:50, 7:25, 10:00. SUN 11:40, 2:15, 4:50, 7:25. MON-WED 1:10, 3:45, 6:20, 8:55. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2D) - PG - FRISAT 11:50, 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50. SUN 11:50, 2:20, 4:50, 7:20. MON-WED 1:00, 3:30, 6:00, 8:30. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU 1:15, 4:20, 7:25. FRI-SAT 10:30, 1:35, 4:40, 7:45, 10:50. SUN 10:30, 1:35,4:40, 7:45, 10:50. MONWED 1:15, 4:20, 7:25. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU 1:00, 3:30, 6:00, 8:30. FRI-SUN 11:30, 4:30, 7:00. MON-WED 1:05, 5:45. Morning Glory - PG13 - THU 1:05, 3:25

127 Hours (Sony Digital) - R - THU (2:40, 4:55), 720, 9:40. FRI (12:20, 2:40, 4:55), 7:20, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:40), 4:55, 7:20, 9:40. MON-WED (2:40, 4:55), 7:20, 9:40. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2D) - PG - FRI (2:00, 4:45), 7:30, 10:15. SAT-SUN (11:15, 2:35), 5:00, 7:25, 9:50. MON-WED (2:00, 4:45), 7:30. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (3D) -PG - FRI (1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:15), 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (10:15, 10:45, 1:00, 1:30), 3:45, 4:15, 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. MON-WED (1:30, 3:45, 4:15), 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. Due Date (Sony Digital) - R - THU (2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. FRI (12:15, 2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:35), 4:55, 7:15, 9:30. MON-WED (2:25, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. Faster - R - THU (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. FRI (12:15, 2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:40), 5:05, 7:30, 9:55. MON-WED (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. FRI (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:25, 7:05, 9:45. MON-WED (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. Morning Glory (Sony Digital) - PG13 - THU (2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. FRIWED (1:30), 7:10. The Next Three Days - PG13 - THU (1:30, 4:20), 7:10, 10:00. FRI (4:05), 9:35. SAT-SUN 4:05, 9:35. MON-WED (4:05), 9:35. Red - PG13 - THU (1:35, 4:10), 6:45, 9:20. FRI-MON (1:35), 6:45. Stone - R - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:25. FRI (4:10), 9:25. SAT-SUN 4:10, 9:25. MON-WED (4:10), 9:25. Tangled (2D) - PG - THU (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. FRI (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. SAT-SUN (1:30), 3:55, 6:20, 8:45. MON-WED (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. Tangled (3D) - PG13 - THU (2:25, 2:55, 4:50, 5:20), 7:15, 7:45, 9:40. FRI (12:00, 2:25, 4:50), 7:15, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 4:50, 7:15, 9:40. MONWED (2:25, 4:50), 7:15, 9:40. The Warrior’s Way - R - THU (2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50. FRI (12:10, 2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50. SAT-SUN (12:10, 2:35), 5:00, 7:25, 9:50.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 10:00. FRI (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:30), 3:30, 6:30, 9:45. MON-WED (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:45. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:45. FRI (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. Megamind (2D) - PG - THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00. Morning Glory - PG13 - THU 9:30. The Next Three Days - PG13 - FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:30. MON-WED (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:30.

Schaefer International Gallery Wed - Sun 11 am-5 pm

1RZ WKURXJK 'HF

HO‘OULU:

THE INSPIRATION OF HULA

FAMILY HULA STORIES 6$7 ‡ '(& ‡ *DOOHU\ ‡ DP

UPCOMING SHOWS

New This Week THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER - PG - See this week’s film critique. 128 min. THE TOURIST - PG13 - Smoldering good looks and vague accents collide as Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie share the screen. The plot? Come on, you don’t care about the plot. 104 min.

FIRSTLIGHT CLIENT 9: THE RISE AND FALL OF ELIOT SPITZER - R - Spitzer was only Governor of New York for a year, but he managed to do enough (hookers) to get a movie made about him. 117 min. THE FIGHTER - R - A working class boxer nicknamed “Irish� (code, as ever, for “white�) fights for respect in and out of the ring. Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale star. 116 min.

NOW SHOWING 127 HOURS - R - Drama - Cutting off your own hand is neither subtle nor humorous, but this harrowing survivalist tale manages to be both. 134 min. BURLESQUE - PG13 - Horror - Cher and Christina Aguileria headline this musical camp fest, for gay men and the

American-Chicano rock band

LOS LOBOS

people who love them. 119 min.

Regis-and-Kathy Lee stars. 107 min.

)5, ‡ '(& ‡ &DVWOH ‡ SP

DUE DATE - R - Comedy - Zach Galifianakis and Robery Downey Jr. go on a road trip. Can we come, too? 95 min.

THE NEXT THREE DAYS - PG13 - Thriller - Some marriages fall apart for boring reasons, and some fall apart because the wife is accused of murder. Russell Crowe finds himself in the latter predicament. 148 min.

Rotary Club of Maui fundraiser

FASTER - R - Action - According to Wikipedia, “Faster� may refer to a 1979 George Harrison song, a 2003 documentary about something called “MotoGP� or this Dwayne “The Rock� Johnson vehicle. Can we pretend it’s the George Harrison song? 98 min. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1 - PG13 - Fantasy - Harry enters his final year at Hogwarts with bigger problems than getting financial aid for wizard college. 149 min. LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS - R - Fantasy We’ll take other drugs. What will mismatched lovers Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway take? If you care, you’ll have to watch. 113 min. MEGAMIND - PG - Animated - A cerebral supervillain goes good after his rival retires. Sexiest Man Alive contenders Will Ferrell and Brad Pitt lend their voices. 96 min. MORNING GLORY - PG13 - Comedy A producer is tasked with revamping a flagging morning talk show and making peace between its totally-not-inspired-by-

RED - PG13 - Bruce Willis helms yet another old folks shoot-’em-up vehicle, with Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman along for the ride. 111 min. SECRETARIAT - PG - Drama - The life and glories of the famed racehorse are dramatized, with Celine Dion in the title role. Sorry, couldn’t resist. 123 min. STONE - R - Thriller - A recently released con (Edward Norton) plays mind games with his parole officer (Robert De Niro) who is almost certainly too old for this shit.105 min. TANGLED - PG - Animated - Running out of fairy tales to sprinkle with empowering modern messages and pop culture references, Hollywood turns to Rapunzel. 115 min. UNSTOPPABLE - PG13 - Denzel versus a runaway train. Our money’s on Denzel. 98 min. THE WARRIOR’S WAY - R - Western An assassin from the East hides out in the Wild West—and likely doesn’t spend the whole time sipping tea. 115 min.

HAL HOLBROOK IN

“MARK TWAIN TONIGHT!� 681 ‡ '(& ‡ &DVWOH ‡ SP George Kahumoku Jr. hosts

SLACK KEY MASTERS w/DANIEL HO 7+85 ‡ '(& ‡ 0F&R\ ‡ SP

Volcanic Rock Out Tour

PEPPER

)5, ‡ '(& ‡ 2XWGRRUV ‡ SP www.MauiFilmFestival.com

FIRSTLIGHT - ACADEMY SCREENINGS 'HF -DQ

Box Office: 10 AM - 3M ‡ MO1 - SAT

242-SHOW .MauiArts. 7469

WWW

ORG

The Maui Arts & Cultural Center is a 501(c)3 nRnSrRĂ€t RrJani]atiRn PaGe SRssiEle E\ the JenerRsit\ RI SeRSle ZhR lRYe Maui

DECEMBER 9, 2010 27

PICKS

This Week's Picks At A Los

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

Beach Your Children

Friday (December 10), 7:30pm, Castle Theater, MACC, $45/$50/$55

Saturday (December 11), 7am-6:30pm, Pa’ia Youth & Cultural Center, Pa’ia Bay, free for spectators / fees for competitors

If I was Los Lobos, you know what I’d do? I’d kick the Los Lonely Boys’ asses. Why? Because their name is just too close for comfort when Los Lobos is a legendary American Chicano rock band, and the selfbranded “Texicanâ€? Los Lonely Boys are responsible for that atrocious so-called song “Heaven.â€? OK. Take a deep breath, wipe your mouth of the involuntary heaves from having to read the words “Los Lonely Boys,â€? and let’s just erase those unpleasantries entirely from our memories. Los Lobos—who’ve been around since the ’70s—are cool. Like, really cool. Cool enough to have three Grammys under their belts, 19 studio albums and to be responsible for all the modern takes on Ritchie Valens’s music for the 1987 film La Bamba. Oh, and their 2004 album The Ride features notables like Tom Waits and Elvis Costello. Oh, and‌ Well, I could go on and on about Steve Berlin (horns, keyboard), David Hidalgo (accordion, fiddle, guitar, requinto jarocho, vocals), Conrad Lozano (bass, guitarron, vocals), Louie Perez (drums, guitar, jarana huasteca, vocals) and Cesar Rosas (bajo sexto, guitar, vocals)—but you’re better off hot-footing it to get tickets and seeing for yourself. Pre-show dinner by Maui Tacos. 2427469, mauiarts.org, loslobos.org

“The sun is shining, the grass is green / The orange and palm trees sway‌ / But it’s December the twenty-fourth / And I am longing to be up North,â€? are the oft-dropped opening lyrics from Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas.â€? If the North you long for is Maui’s tradewinds-swept shore, and if the wintertime white you’re dreaming of is the spume from mean waves, then Pa’ia Youth & Cultural Center’s 14th annual Beachfest—an all-ages bodyboard and surf competition—is the event for you. Priding itself on being “cutting edge,â€? the PYCC is a 17-year-old nonprofit on a mission to help da keiki. Thus, spectators are asked to keep this ‘ohana-friendly event strictly alcohol-, tobacco- and drug-free. Registration in the competition not only supports the center, but includes a T-shirt, meal and the chance at tons of great giveaways and prizes. And, if you sign up by Friday, you’ll save $10 off the $30 day-of registration fee. That’s money you can use to enter yourself into an additional division (each $10 extra), which, BTW, are Menehune (9-14 yrs.), Juniors (15-17), Men’s (18+), Women’s Open (all ages), Freestyle Surf (all ages) and Drop Knee (all ages). 579-8354; pyccmaui.com

DECEMBER 9 @ 930PM $25 P $25 PRESALE RESALE $30 $30 A AT TT THE HE D DOOR OOR TICKETS TI T TICKET ICK CKET ETS ON S SALE AL A LE AT ALL A AL LL L L TICKET TIC ICKE CKET K T ON KE ON T THE HE R HE ROCK OCK OC CK L LOCATIONS OCATI AT TION ONS ON NS PORT PO PORTION RTION RTIO IO ON OF OF THE THE DOO D DOOR OO OOR OR WI W WIL WILL LL L L B BENEFIT ENEF EN EFIT EF IT WOR W WORLD ORLD O OR LD H HUN HUNGER UN U UNGE NGER GE ER YE Y YEAR EA AR R

Volcom stone 4th Annual Volcanic Rock Out Tour Featuring Pepper and special guest Mishka

Dec 17th outdoors @ the MACC 900 FRONT ST LAHAINA, MAUI 667.7400

28 DECEMBER 9, 2010

*ates open at pP ‡ 6hoZ Eegins at 7pP 21/< ,n adYance applicaEle Iees

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Das Good

Mark His Words

Sunday (December 12), 7pm, The Studio Maui, Ha’iku, $25 advance / $30 door

Sunday (December 12), 5pm, Castle Theater, MACC, $30/$45/$60/$150 VIP

“You know, that’s not the Universe speaking to you, Anu,” my cocked-brow friend said when I showed him the cover of Krishna Das’s Greatest Hits of the Kali Yuga, pointing out that if you exchanged every other letter in the words “Kali Yuga” it’s an anagram for “Yagi Kula.” What did he mean, it’s not the Universe speaking to me?! The Universe speaks to me all the time! (And always in anagram form.) However, what the Universe did not tell me was what the “Kali Yuga” is, exactly (the anagram, I suppose, would be too complex). So I turned to Wikipedia: “Kali Yuga” means “age of vice” and “is the last of the four stages that the world goes through as part of the cycle of yugas described in Indian scriptures… traditionally thought to last 432,000 years.” Wiki goes on to say that “Hindus believe that human civilization degenerates spiritually during the Kali Yugi… [which] is associated with the apocalyptic demon Kali.” (Hmm… no longer feeling too good about that anagram). Wait? Why in the world would World music master Krishna Das (born Jeffrey Kagel) want to say he’s got the greatest hits of an unfathomably dark era? I guess despite all my cosmic conversations, I have not done enough kirtan chanting to understand. But, if you are so enlightened/inclined, you ought to join KD at The Studio this Sunday. 575-9390; thestudiomaui.com

If your weekend is filled with but “butterfly idleness,” why not make a themed day of it at the MACC’s Sunday night showing of Mark Twain Tonight! with Emmy-winning actor Hal Holbrook? First, “rough it” up to the tip top of mount Haleakala for “the sublimest spectacle” of sunrise (Mark Twain did it), then pay a visit to the Bailey House Museum (Mark Twain stayed there), and all the while try to soak in everything you know to be true of this “loveliest fleet of islands that lies anchored in any ocean.” Hometown pride makes my heart skip a beat with every word in Mark Twain’s Letters from Hawaii (University of Hawaii Press), and if you’ve worn out the spines of every title Twain has penned, I’ll then recommend the Bible-sized biography Mark Twain: A Life by the wonderfully be-lisped Pulitzer Prize-winning author Ron Powers (who was born in Twain’s hometown of Hannibal, Missouri). As for Holbrook, he’s been Samuel Clemens incarnate for 56 years, and if you spring for the VIP package ($150), you’ll get a pre-show dinner courtesy of Vasi’s Gourmet Catering, and a meet and greet with Holbrook himself after the show. 242-7469;mauiarts.org

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT OWN PRODUCTIONS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

Back to the future with DJ BLAST & CHILLT MUSIC STARTS AT 10PM X $10 COVER

SHOW STARTS AT 9:45PM $10 COVER

TH

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 10

BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW THE ICE CREAM TOUR

TH

SHOW STARTS AT 9:45PM $5 COVER

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11 GOMEGA ARISE

SHOW STARTS AT 2PM $20 DONATION

TH

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12

IMES STEVE GR very special guests With his band and

A FUNDRAISER FOR VICKY CUNNINGHAM

CALL 572-0220 X

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING IN MAKAWAO TOWN. DINE AND DANCE AT CASANOVA. FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS

DECEMBER 9, 2010 29

BY ANU YAGI

CALENDAR

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 3 +)(%) 2$ s !- !- $!),9 s $)..%2 @4), 0-

THURSDAY

Da Kine Calendar

DECEMBER 9

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FRIDAYS DECEMBER 10

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BIG SHOWS COMMON SENSE - Sat, Dec 9. You’d be sense-less to miss this awesome reggae/rock band, direct from Orange County. Presented by Q103. 9pm. $25. The Hard Rock Cafe. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 808-667-7400. LOS LOBOS - Fri, Dec 10. You’re lolo if you miss the legendary Los Lobos. See This Week’s Picks for more. $45 / $50 / $55. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts. org / loslobos.org SUPPER CLUB: LEDWARD KA’APANA - Fri, Dec 10. Continues on Sat (Dec 11). This intimate dinner show series continues with master Hawaiian songwriter Ledward Ka’apana. $60 with four-course dinner. 6 p.m. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

DECEMBER 12

NFL FOOTBALL 8AM TUESDAYS TACO TUESDAYS 4-10pm

Chicken $2.50 Tacos - Steak, Pork, ri Tacos ama Cal $3.50 Mahi Mahi & $4 Margaritas XX Dos 0 $2.5 s ona Cor $2.50

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

THURSDAY DEC 9

WAVE TRAIN $5 9PM

FRIDAY DEC 10

THE KRYPTONES FEATURING LIA LOVE SPECIAL GUEST DAN DE LION $7 9PM

SATURDAY DEC 11

MANAO RADIO

$7 9PM

“COMFORT & JOYâ€? WITH THE MAUI CHORAL ARTS ASSOCIATION - Sat, Dec 11. Join the Maui Concert Chorus, UH Maui College Chorus, Petite Orchestra and conductor Celia Canty for an evening of holiday music celebration. Spago to provide complimentary refreshments. Tickets available at Lahaina Music and Topaz Goldsmith & Gallery. $20 / $10 advance; $25 / $12.50 door. 7 p.m. Kihei Baptist Chapel, 1655 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-838-3006; mauichoralarts.org HUDOST - A “sensory-entertainmentâ€? performance with Moksha and Jemal, often including dancers, video installations and onstage visual arts. $15 advance / $20 door. 7:30-9:30 p.m. Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, 810 Haiku Rd., Suite 265, Haiku; 808575-9390; http://thestudiomaui.com HAL HOLBROOK IN “MARK TWAIN TONIGHT!â€? Sun, Dec 12. For 56 years, Emmy award-winning actor Hal Holbrook has been doing a damn ďŹ ne job channeling Mark Twain. See This Week’s Picks for more. $30 / $45 / $60 / $150 (VIP). 5 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808242-7469; mauiarts.org KRISHNA DAS - Sun, Dec 12. Join KD and company for an “enCHANTingâ€? evening of kirtan. See This Week’s Picks for more. $25 advance / $30 door. 7 p.m. Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, 810 Haiku Rd., Suite 265, Haiku; 808-575-9390; thestudiomaui.com / krishnadas.com

STAGE A CHRISTMAS CAROL - Runs Fri, Sat & Sun through December 12. Put to bed your bah humbugs with this inspiring classic. Directed by Lehua Simon. Tickets available at Kihei’s Lava Java, and Wailuku’s If the Shoe Fits. $15 / $20 / $40. Iao

Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com “THE FANTASTICKSâ€? - For 12 performances, opening Dec 10 and running through Jan 16. A wonderful parable of love, from a book and lyrics by Tom Jones and music by Harvey Schmidt. $25 adults / $20 keiki under 12. ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 808-463-6520; proartspaciďŹ c.com CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Circue du Soleil meets Polynesian hula with amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics and illusions, and mind-boggling contortionist and balancing-acts. Call for their Kama’aina special. Starting at $62; Deals for kids. 6 p.m. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 808-667-4540; maui.hyatt.com

FOODIE MAUI FOREST BIRD RECOVERY PROJECT DINNER - Fri, Dec 10. Save Maui’s rare native birds by drinkin’ pints ‘o Maui craft beer. Music by Halemanu. 6 p.m. Maui Brewing Co. Brewpub, Kahana Gateway Center, 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana; 808-669-3474; mauibrewingco.com THE DIVA CLUB’S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY WHITE PARTY - Fri, Dec 10. Featuring food by Bev Gannon, David Paul and Who Cut The Cheese. Entertainment by DJ Del Sol, DJ CIA, Gretchen Rhodes, Pio Marasco and saxophonist Ami Shorr. David Paul’s Island Grill, 900 Front St. Suite A101, Lahaina, 808-662-3000.

TICKETS ON SALE SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH DANIEL HO - Thu, Dec 16. Another Central Maui installment of George Kahumoku Jr’s popular Slack Key Show. This month features Daniel Ho, a singer-songwriter and solo performer who has recorded 18 CDs. $25 / $45 (VIP). McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org ROOTS MAUI HOLIDAY SHOW - Fri, Dec 17. ROOTS School (Real Ongoing Opportunities to Soar, Inc.) holds their third annual holiday fundraiser. Includes dinner, entertainment and a silent auction. Pre-sale ticket discounts available. $15 adult / $7 keiki. 5-9 p.m. Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, 810 Haiku Rd., Suite 265, Haiku; Monique Paris: 808-269-0888; thestudiomaui.com REGGAE VIBRATIONS VOL.1 - Fri, Dec 17. Featuring Pam Hall, J.C. Lodge, Ekolu, and Cityside. Tickets available at Mulligans, West Side Vibes, 808 Deli, Wow Wee Maui Kava Bar, and Wailuku’s Requests. 21+ only. 6 p.m. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi

St., Wailea; 808-874-1131; mulligansontheblue.com PEPPER: VOLCANIC ROCK OUT TOUR - Fri, Dec 17. All ages welcome. Doors open at 5:30pm. Tickets available through MACC’s box ofďŹ ce or at Green Banana Internet Cafe, Old Lahaina Book Emporium, and Wailuku’s Requests. $25 (advance). 7 p.m. Outdoors, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-2427469; http://mauiarts.org / bampproject.com LOL@MACC WITH RITA RUDNER - Sat, Dec 18. Another laugh-out-loud installment of this new MACC comedy series. Rudner has been voted “Best Comedian in Las Vegasâ€? by the Las Vegas Review-Journal for the past eight years, and has had standout ratings on PBS with her one hour special “Rita Rudner: Live From Las Vegas.â€?. $35 / $65 (VIP). 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org NA LEO PILIMEHANA HOLIDAY CONCERT - Sat, Dec 18. Comprised of three childhood friends — Nalani Choy, Lehua Kalima Heine and Angela Morales — Na Leo is the most award-winning and recordselling female Hawaiian group in the world. Na Leo Pilimehana, in Hawaiian, means “voices blending together in warmthâ€? — a moniker all the more appropriate this holiday season. $12 / $30 / $40. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org “AN OLD FASHIONED CHRISTMASâ€? WITH ULUWEHI GUERRERO AND NA LEO LANI O MAUI Sat, Dec 18. The second annual holiday concert for Maui’s community choir. Enjoy the rich harmony of over 80 heavenly voices, directed in partnership by kumu hula Uluwehi Guerrero and Gale Wisehart. Plus, special guests Halau Hula Kauluokala and Santa Claus himself. $20 (portion of proceeds beneďŹ ts the Maui Food Bank). 7:30 p.m. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; Richard Castro: 808-2808557; mauionstage.com MYTHOLOGICAL HORSES & SAUCY YODA - Sat, Dec 18. Two Portland, Oregan bands each pushing 200 shows per year say they’re supported by Gene “Weenâ€? and have their concert posters in scenes of Showtime’s Weeds. If that doesn’t peak your interest, I don’t know what will. $10. 9 p.m. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com CHARLIE LUSTMAN’S MUSICAL HOPE CAMPAIGN CONCERT - Sun, Dec 19. Remember that dude we put on the cover in part because he had the top of his jaw sawed off? Yep. It’s time for his big show — where 100 percent of proceeds beneďŹ ts the PaciďŹ c Cancer Foundation. Features his music and a slew of Maui notables. $20 general / $75 VIP

SUNDAY DEC 12

SUNDAY FUNDAY/NFL

ANUHEA QUARTER LIFE CRISIS TOUR %0034 01&/ "5 1. t TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE

TUESDAY DEC 14

DANYEL ALANA TRIO $5

9PM

WEDNESDAY DEC 15 DJ BOOMSHOT & DJ JAY P

SPINNING SWEET BEATS ON THE NORTH SHORE. $5 10PM

Events.

LUKAS NELSON AND THE PROMISE OF THE REAL W/ SPECIAL GUESTS DEC 17-18 TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE. 808.579.8085 BOOKING INFO: DYINGSONS@GMAIL.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

30 DECEMBER 9, 2010

.com

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/09

12/10

12/11

12/12

12/13 - 12/15

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Ladies Night w/ DJ Jamn J, 9pm

Bottoms Up Friday w/ DJ LX & Jay J, 10pm

Open Mynd 10pm

Simma Down Sunday w/ DJ Jamn J, 10pm

MON- Karaoke, 8:30pm / TUE - Native’s Night, 8:30pm / WED - Wild Wednesday w/ Bad Kitty, 8pm

AMBROSIA

Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol

Moth, 10pm / Next Top DJ Winner: DJ Mats, 11:30pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka

Sunday Night Fever w/ DJ CIA

MON – Estee Graham & Toby Couture / TUE – Drum & Bass Night w / DJ Astro Raph / WED – Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA

DJ Jay

DJ Jay

Live Music

Live Music

Brown Chicken Brown Cow - The Ice Cream Tour

Gomega / Arise 9:45pm; $5

Steve Grimes & Guests fundraiser for Vicky Cunningham

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesdays goes “Back to the Future” w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; $10

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

BOCALINO BISTRO & BAR 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-4041

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY REST. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

TUE – Curtis Williams / WED - Latino, Blues & Jazz Night w/ Lydia Toccafondy & Neto Peraza

CHARLEY’S

Wave Train, 9pm; $5

The Kryptones ft. Lia Love, Guest Dan De Lion, 9 pm; $7

Manao Radio 9pm; $7

Anuhea Quarter Life Crisis Tour, 8pm; $15

TUE - Danyel Alana Trio, 10pm; $5 WED - DJ Boomshot & DJ Jay P, 10pm; $5

COOL CAT CAFE

Barefoot Minded 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Erin Smith 7 - 10pm; No Cover

MON - Peter D / TUE - Live Jazz / WED - Ryan Palma (All sets 7 - 10pm; No Cover)

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

House Music 10pm; No Cover

Johnny Ringo 10pm; No Cover

Live Music 10pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Supah Dupah Reggae Band WED - Ron & Bob (all sets 10pm; No Cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

Jared 10pm; No Cover

Kanoe 10pm; No Cover

MON – Ka’ena Elaban / TUE – Jordan & Wolf / WED – Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; No Cover)

Karaoke

Kanaka Jams 6:30-10:30pm No Cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED - Karaoke

Rampage 9pm - Close

Dat Guyz 9pm - Close

Roots Judgement 9pm-1:30am

Karaoke

MON - Karaoke / TUE - Karaoke Contest / WED - Open Mic Night

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. 667-0787

(includes pre-show dining). 7 p.m. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-242-6969; mauionstage. com / mademenuclear.com BRUNO MARS - Tue, Dec 21. Born into a musical family from Honolulu, Bruno Mars’s career has catapulted into the upper echelons of critic-cred pop stardom. His hit single “Just The Way You Are,” went #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart, and just this October, he’s took to the SNL stage as the featured musical act. $35 / $45 / $55. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH BARRY FLANAGAN - Thu, Dec 30. This intimate series continues with Flanagan, one of Hawaii’s most respected composers and founder of the musical duo Hapa, who will share stories and inspiration behind his music. $25 / $25 VIP. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAUI CELEBRITY SERIES 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH TOM ARNOLD, BRIAN EVANS, AND CHEECH MARIN - Thu, Dec 30. You read that right: “Cheech & Chong” star Cheech Marin is coming. He’ll perform alongside Maui Celebrity Series second-timer Tom Arnold, and show crooner/creator Brian Evans. Get tickets now for this December show, and be someone’s best-ever Santa. $35 / 55 / $75 (VIP). 8-10:30 p.m. Maui Theatre, 878 Front St. (Old Lahaina Center), Lahaina; 808-856-7973; themauicelebrityseries.com DAMIAN MARLEY & NAS’S “DISTANT RELATIVES” TOUR - Sun, Feb 27. An all-ages show! For the first time, these music icons perform side by side on stage in the islands. Tickets go on sale at 9am on Friday (Dec 3). $40. Events Lawn, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; http:// mauivents.com/featured/nas-damien-marley-distant-relatives-hawaii-tour-maui-feb-27/

ANNOUNCEMENTS “IMAGINE THERE’S NO HUNGER” CAMPAIGN Daily. Support the Hard Rock’s “Hungerthon 2010” program to alleviate hunger this holiday by bidding on great items in their silent auction — ongoing through the first two weeks of Dec. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900

Common Sense 9pm; $25

Sondio Inspiracion 9pm; $7

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Ashley Welte 7pm - Close; No Cover

Guest Performer 7pm - Close; No Cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - Close; No Cover

Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-7400; hardrock.com CALL FOR ENTRIES: ANNUAL JURIED EXHIBITION 2011 / SOLO EXHIBITION 2011 - Daily. Dec 30 is the receiving date for the multimedia juried exhibition (juror Vince Hazen), with the show running Jan 8 - Feb 18. Proposals for the solo exhibition are due Jan 10, with the show running June 18 through July 23. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 808-572-6560; http://huinoeau.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, DEC 09 FOUR SEASONS RESORT WELLNESS SERIES - This new series features a different practitioner for each four-day wellness weekend, through Dec 19. Today through Dec 12, “Greening Your Beauty Routine and Personal Products” with Stacy Malkan. Call for more information. Four Seasons Resort, 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 808-874-2939; http://fourseasons.com/ maui/wellness_series/

WED - Karaoke

Brian Cuomo 7pm - Close; No Cover

KALAMA INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL BAND - Their finest tunes they bring to this pa-rum-pa-pum-performance. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com / kalama.hidoe.us HULA BY NA KAMALII NANI O LAHAINA - Live performance. 7 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com LAHAINA RESTORATION MUSIC SERIES - Sponsored by The Lahaina Restoration Foundation. Hosted by Allen Pokipala “Braddah Poki” of Pacific Radio Group. 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Baldwin Home Museum, 120 Dickenson St., Lahaina; (808) 661-3262; lahainarestoration.org

FRIDAY, DEC 10

SOME HERE. ALL ONLINE. CALENDAR LISTINGS

ON MAUITIME.COM

A KANIKAPILA CHRISTMAS - A fun way to celebrate the holidays with door prizes and pupus. Come dressed in your holiday best and be sure to bring your instruments along, too! 5:30 p.m. Cary & Eddie’s Hideaway Restaurant, 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului; 808-873-6555; hideawaymaui.com

DINNER (LOCAVORE POTLUCK) AND A MOVIE WITH SOUTH MAUI SUSTAINABILITY - Begins at 6pm with a food prep demo by Chef Andrea of Whole Foods, socialization and potluck at 6:30pm and a screening of “Two Angry Moms” — a movie about two wahine’s battle to change their kids’ school lunch program — at 7pm. Plus pick up a few Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs (CFLs) to go! 6-8 p.m. Kihei Charter High School, 300 Ohukai Rd. #209, Kihei; 808-874-5955

SOLEIL LUNA & MAUI THING TRUNK SHOW Loads of deals, cocktails and entertainment by the lovey Erin Smith. 4:30-7:30 p.m. Soleil Luna, 242 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina; 808-662-0203 JUDY’S GANG - Heel-balltoe your way to the mall for this mainstay tap and jazz ensemble. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8711307; mauimall.com

SACRED HEART’S SCHOOL CHOIR - Lovely keiki voices fill the air as you decide what to fill stockings with. 7 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-6615304; lahainacannerymall.com KARAOKE AT KAAHUMANU - Belt it out then buy a belt to either congratulate yourself on fine singing, or help ease the sting of embarrassment. Either way, a good time. Free. 6-8 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SATURDAY, DEC 11 14TH ANNUAL PAIA BAY BEACHFEST - An event for the whole ‘ohana. Menehune, Junior Men, Open Men, Women, DK, and Free Surf divisions. Entry forms avail-

MON - Ashley Welte / TUE & WED - Rene Alonzo (All 7pm - Close; No Cover) able online. Prizes for finalists and giveaways all day. Presented by the Pa‘ia Youth & Cultural Center. See This Week’s Picks for more. free to watch / fee to enter. 7 a.m.-6:30 p.m. Pa’ia Youth & Cultural Center, Pa’ia Bay, Hana Hwy., Pa’ia; 808-579-8354; pyccmaui.org CHRISTMAS EXTRAVAGANZA - Your place to be for great Christmastime activities and mean prizes (must be present to win; 12:30pm). Entertainment includes Na Pua Melia (11:30am), Hui Lanakila (1pm), and Dance International (2:30pm). Free. 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com KALAMA INTERMEDIATE UKULELE BAND - These super four stringers will pluck at your heartstrings. 12 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com KEIKI HULA BY HALAU HULA O KEOLA ALIIOKEKAI - Live performance. 1 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-6615304; lahainacannerymall.com AUTO EVOLUTION CAR SHOW - Be one of the expected 1,000-2,000 spectators marveling at sick cars and trucks, bikes, dragsters, drifters and more. Free admission for ARC of Maui members (people with developmental disabilities). $12.50 adults / $10 students (plus $2-off with canned good donat. 3-11 p.m. War Memorial Stadium, parking lot, 211 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului; 808-636-3029 OPENING RECEPTION: “MAUI IMPRESSIONS” - George Allan, Al Rabold and Kari McCarthy have joined forces to present a group showcase that aims to capture the true essence of Maui Nei. 5 p.m. Viewpoints Gallery, 3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 808-572-5979; viewpointsgallerymaui.com BALDWIN HIGH SCHOOL JAZZ BAND - Not too cool for school, these cats will put a little swing in your holiday step. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com OPENING RECEPTION: “TRAVELOGUE” BY MIKE ADRIAN - The parlor’s featured artist for December unveils an avant-garde “iPhonography” photography showcase, chronicling his experiences roaming the globe — and taking pictures strictly with his iPhone. No Cover. 7 p.m. Paia Tattoo Parlor, 120 Hana Hwy.,

DECEMBER 9, 2010 31

There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui. Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.

News.

.com

SOURCE FESTIVAL & Maui Athletic Center present a

Keiki Holiday Extravaganza! SUNDAY DEC. 12TH Maui Elite Gym 11AM - 5PM 200 Waiehu Beach Rd. Wailuku

$5 for Adults Kids Free! COME EXPERIENCE -Locally made crafts & gifts for the whole family! -Children’s interactive entertainers -Gymnastic Demos -Children’s craft workshops -Strolling Elves & Santa -Music, Games, Bouncy Castles and more surprises! FOR VENDING CALL SALLY AT 269-2460 OR EMAIL SOURCEVENDORS@GMAIL.COM FOR ENTERTAINMENT SPOTS CALL RACHEL AT 268-8651 OR EMAIL SOURCEKEIKI@GMAIL.COM WWW.SOURCEMAUI.COM WWW.MEGCA.COM

32 DECEMBER 9, 2010

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/09

12/10

12/11

12/12

12/13 - 12/15

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

KAHALE’S

Vince Esquire

Kenny Roberts

Eight Track Players

Kahala

MON, TUE & WED - Da-Ha-Y-Ns

1810

Willie K 9-11pm; $5

Ben & Glenn 8-10pm

Sam Ahia

MON & TUE - Sam Ahia

Bad Kitty 8-11pm

Billy & The Bad Dogs 8-11pm

Dan Saunders Rock Band 8-11pm

Gina Martinelli Band 6 - 9pm

MON - Kiwi Cowboys 6-9:30pm

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

Crazy Fingers 9pm - 1am; No Cover DJ AstroRaph 7:30-11pm

MON - Service Industry Night / MON & WED - Karaoke w/ Toby, 7:30 - 11 pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KIWI ROADHOUSE

95 E. Lipoa St., Ste A101, Kihei - 874-1250

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Live Salsa w/ Neto & Barbara 8-11pm / DJ Nexus 11pm-Close

Hula Show 8-11pm / Dezman 11pm - Close

Classic Rock Thursdays feat. Howard Ahia

DJ Canespider / Hula Show / Easy Listening w/ Neto X-clusive Saturday Nights w/ All Access’s DJ Money Mike

MON - Service Industry Night w/ All Access DJ & Junior TUE - Karaoke w/ Troy / WED - Sizzling Salsa Nights

Old School Friday w/ Kutmaster Spaz of OC16 9pm-1am; $5

MAUI BEACH HOTEL

170 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului - 877-0051

MAUI BREWING CO.

WED - Open Mic Night, 10pm; No Cover

Kahana Gateway Center - 669-3474

MOANA CAFE

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St. Kihei - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

Paia; 808-579-8515 / paiatattooparlor@yahoo.com SECOND SATURDAY ART - Swanky monthly art activities for your keiki. E-mail ashley@mauithing.com for more information. Free. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Maui Thing, 7 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-249-0215

SUNDAY, DEC 12 MAUI BRASS ENSEMBLE - Live performance. 12 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com CHILDREN’S PEACE CHOIR - You know what goes good with peace? Love. And you’ll love this keiki performance. Free. 1 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com KEIKI HULA BY NA KAMALII NANI O LAHAINA - Live performance. 1 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com COOL STEEL - Clever name, huh? You can be clever too, by getting your holiday shopping done while enjoying their live sounds. Free. 4 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com SOUTH MAUI SUSTAINABILITY JANUARY MEETING - A preview of Vince Mina’s “Body and Soil” Conference from (Jan 14-16), with all of the conference speakers giving short introductions to their weekend topics. 6:30 p.m. Kihei Charter High School, 300 Ohukai Rd. #209, Kihei; 808-874-5955

MONDAY, DEC 13 BOOK SIGNING WITH KATIE GROVE-VELASQUEZ & MICHAEL OGATA - This local author and illustrator will sign copies of their newest children’s story, “Nai’a to the Rescue.” This exciting story about friendship and loyalty — with a special message on the importance of conservation and ocean stewardship — makes a perfect gift for keiki. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Maui Ocean Center, Maui Ocean Treasures gift shop, 192 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma`alaea; 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com SEABURY HIGH SCHOOL MUSIC ENSEMBLE These prodigious talents will get your toes tapping. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com

TUESDAY, DEC 14 12 DAYS OF FISH-MAS - The countdown to FISHmas begins today. Enjoy 12 fun-filled days that include sweet holiday treats, giveaways, and visits from Scuba Claus himself. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Maui

Phil & Angie Benoit

DJ Music

TUE - Open Mic Night

Willie K 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9pm

Ka’ena Elaban 9pm-12am

Jazz on the Blue 7-10pm / Jordan & Wolf 10pm-Close

Tradiional Kava Night

Friday Night at the Green Room w/ DJ Stylz, 10pm; No Cover

Pac Vibes 9pm; No Cover

Ocean Center, 192 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma`alaea; 808270-7000; mauioceancenter.com KALAMA INTERMEDIA SCHOOL UKULELE These Poly kids rock, so jump like a flea on down to this super SEKIS performance. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808871-1307; mauimall.com HULA BY HALAU HULA O KEOLA ALIIOKEKAI - Live music. 7 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com

WEDNESDAY, DEC 15 WOW! - This week, “Wailea on Wednesdays” presents contemporary Hawaiian and slack-key music by Bobby Moderow Jr., in the lower courtyard. Free. The Shops at Wailea, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 808-8916770; shopsatwailea.com BALDWIN HIGH SCHOOL SYMPHONIC BAND - Their finest tunes they bring to this pa-rum-pa-pum performance. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8711307; mauimall.com

The Celtic Tigers / Big John of Off Tomorrow

nest Pua’a 2 - 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kulewa 6:30 - 9pm; Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 - 4pm, 1810 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kawika, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm; Sat, Jack Stone 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 – 4pm, 1810 4:15 – 6:15pm, Wili Pa 6:30 - 9pm; Sun, Ron Hetteen 11:30am-1pm; Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm; 1810 4:15-6:15; Derrick Sebastian Trio 6:30-9pm. Mon, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 – 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Derrick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30 - 9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11:30 a.m – 1pm, Jarrett Roback 2 – 4pm, Ernest Pua’a 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30 9pm; Wed, Mika Villaren 11:30am – 1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2 - 4pm, Peter DeAquino 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 808-667-6636. LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:309:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm 730 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0700.

SUBMIT YOUR

LISTINGS ONLINE

CALENDAR LISTINGS

RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “DAZED & CONFUSED” (1993) - Cult classic. Free popcorn. Enough said. But only if you’re cool, man. No Cover. 7:30 p.m. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

MAUITIME.COM/LISTING

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CANOES - Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0937. DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ernie 3 – 5pm, Garrett & Peter 6 – 8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 3 – 5pm, Kulewa 6 - 8:30pm; Sat, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Kulwea 6 - 8:30pm; Sun, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Ernie & Miles 6 – 8:30pm; Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3 – 5pm, Damien & Edee 6 –8:30pm 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-662-2900. HULA GRILL - Thu, Bruddah Larry 11:30am – 1pm, Er-

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Fri, The J.D on the Rocks Band 2:30-5pm; Every Sat, JD & Harry 2:305pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 2:30-5pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 808661-4495.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Classic Rock Thursdays feat. Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Mon, Junior 8-9:30pm; Every Tue, Karaoke w/ Troy 8pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Every Wed, Sizzling Salsa Nights with DJ music 9pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Tue, David Choy; Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Benoit Jazzworks. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 808-669-6400. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, Greg DiPiazza 6-8pm; Tue, Ah Tim 5:30-8:30pm 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 808-661-8881. SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm 5900 Lower

TUE - Willie K Christmas Series; Tin Can Comedy w/ Shaggy Jenkins / WED - Willie K Christmas Series; Erin Smith’s Ladies Night

Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 808-669-1500. TIA JUANA’S CANTINA - Wed, Tableside Magic with Brenton Keith 6-9pm 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-667-4080. TROPICA - Every Fri, Soul Lounge 8 -10pm; Every Sat, Island Essence feat. DJ Zinn 8-10pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali, 808-662-2762.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallow 7pm; Every Tue, “Glee” Screening 7pm. Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (this week: “Dazed & Confused”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-1011 BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 808-243-2286. BOCALINO - Thu, Gina Martinelli; Fri & Sat, DJ Jay; Tue, Curtis Williams (all sets 7:30pm). 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-874-4041. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 808-879-2224. HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Junior Lacuesta; Every Fri & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson & Wolf; Every Wed, Jordan Cudworth. (All Sets 4-8pm.) Sun, Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E, Kihei, 808-874-1250. KIWI ROADHOUSE - Thu, Dominick 5-7pm; Fri, Mango Pickers 5-7pm; Sat, Danyal Alana Trio 5-7pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6-9pm; Mon, Kiwi Cowboys 7-11pm. 95 E. Lipoa St. Ste. A101, Kihei, 808-874-1250. LULU’S KIHEI - Fri, Salsa Lessons w/ Raphael 7-8pm & Salsa Music w/ Neto & Barbara 8-11pm; Sat, Hula Show 8-11pm; Sun, Hula Show 8-10pm; Mon, Easy Listenting w/ Terry 5-7pm; Tue, Easy Listening w/ Terry 11am-5pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-9944. MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:308:30pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm 760 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 808-875-4555. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Willie K 7-9pm; Sat, Jazz on the Blue 7-10pm; Every Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6-9:30pm; Every Mon, Jordan & Wolf 7-9pm; Tue & Wed, Willie K Christmas Series 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 808-874-1131. PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30 p.m. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea,

DECEMBER 9, 2010 33

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34 DECEMBER 9, 2010

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/09

12/10

12/11

12/12

12/13 - 12/15

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

PINEAPPLE GRILLE

200 Kapalua Drv. Lahaina - 669-9600

Jawaiian Music w/ DJ Bruddah Damien

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE

Smooth Jazz Sounds w/ Brian Cuomo & Friends, 7pm -10m Evan Almighty

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy, Lahaina - 669-8889

TUE - TBA / WED - Evan Almighty

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Open Mic Night 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ Sonny 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ LX 10pm - Close; No Cover

Kanoa of Gomega 10pm - Close; No Cover

MON - Kanoa / TUE - DJ LX / WED- The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - Close; No Cover)

Supper Club w/ Ledward Ka’apana

Slam feat. David Choy

MON-Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz / TUE - Tom Conway; WED - Randall Rospond / Slam w/ David Choy

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 -879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Roots Judgement 9pm - 12am; No Cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STELLA BLUE’S

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

Ah Tim

Supper Club w/ Ledward Ka’apana

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 8:30pm-12am; No Cover

Seismic Chops 9pm-1am; $3

Arise 10pm; No Cover

Ladies Night with CIA 10pm; No Cover

Mary Jane Xperiment 10pm; No Cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Mele Pono 9pm - 2am; $10

Undone Party w/ Q Ross 9pm - 2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm - 2am; $10

Closed

MON - WED - Closed

Soul Lounge 8-10pm

Island Essence w/ DJ Zinn 8-10pm

‘Ohana Groove 10pm

Ladies Night w/ Next Level Entertainment

Free Karaoke

TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

TROPICA

2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali - 662-2762

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

WOW-WEE MAUI’S

333 Dairy Rd. #101, Kahului - 871-1414

WED - DJ Mania Dancing 8:30pm-12am; No Cover

Karaoke No Cover; 8pm

MON, TUE & WED - Dat Guyz; No Cover

808-879-7177.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI

“Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages” 4:30-7:30 p.m.

POLO BEACH GRILLE & BAR - Daily, Live Music 4-5:30 p.m.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (All Sets 4-6pm) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-874-6444.

CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, Live Argentinian Music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-6323.

TIKI BAR & GRILL - Daily, Hula Show 6:30-7 p.m.; Every Tue & Wed, Leo Kane 6-9 p.m.; Every Sun & Mon, Kealaoka’ (Jason Fundang) 6-9 p.m.; Daily, Music by Lanui 6-9 p.m.

Four Seasons Resort - 3900 Wailea Alanui, 808874-8000.

GREEN BANANA CAFE - Every Tue, Thu & Sat, Polynesian Dance Coffee Luau 6pm.137 Hana Hwy., Paia, 808-579-9130.

TIKI TERRACE RESTAURANT - Sun, Ka’anapali Champagne Brunch 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

LOBBY LOUNGE - Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:306:30 p.m.; Tue, Jazz Music 8-10:30 p.m.; Every Mon, Wed, Thu & Sat, Fri, Jazz Music 8-11:30 p.m.; Sun, Hawaiian Music 8:30-10:30 p.m.; Daily, Hula Dancers 5:30-6:30 p.m.

Marriot Maui Ocean Club - 100 Nohea Kai Dr., 808-667-1200.

Grand Wailea Resort & Spa- 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 808-875-1234.

LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Daily, Solo guitarists and sunset hula dancers 5:30-8:30 p.m.; Every Sun, Miles Ahead Duo 8-11 a.m.; Every Wed, Desmond Yap 5:30-9:30 p.m.

BOTERO BAR & LOUNGE - Every Wed, Live Hawaiian Music 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Ritz-Carlton Kapalua - One Ritz-Carlton Dr., 808-669-6200.

Makena Beach & Golf Resort - 5400 Makena Alanui, 808-875-5888.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Every Sat, Erin Smith 4-6pm; Fri & Sat, Supper Club w/ Ledward Ka’a’pana; Every Sun, Slam feat. David Choy 6-9pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry and Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm ; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm, Slam feat. David Choy 6pm-11pm; 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 808-874-3779. TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 808-875-2910. THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Thu, Live Jazz; Fri, Jeff; Sat, Steff Lomeli; Mon, Cyrus Clark; Tue, Sammy Rouisse. (All sets 7pm) 1945-G S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-3133. THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 808-875-8080.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Every Fri, Brian Mansano plays Beatles’s music 5-9pm; Sat, James Kimo Nevius pays tribute to John Lennon 6-8pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 808-573-2859. MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, OpenMic 6pm. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-9999. THE HAIKU FOOD EMPORIUM FEATURING OISHI SUSHI - Every Fri, Makana from Upcountry 7-9pm; Sat, Troublemakers Trio 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm . 824 Kokomo Rd., Ha’iku, 808-575-2770.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? CALENDAR LISTINGS

ALALOA LOUNGE - Every Fri & Sat, Live entertainment 8-12 p.m. Royal Lahaina Resort - 2780 Kekaa Dr., 808-661-3611. ROYAL OCEAN TERRACE - Every Thu, Fri & Sat, Live Hawaiian Music 6-8 p.m. Sheraton Maui - 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-661-0031. LAGOON BAR - Daily, Cliff Diving 6-8 p.m.; Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 6-8 p.m.; Daily, Live Music 6-9 p.m.

TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites w/ Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Crunch Pups “Uncrunhed”; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Franklin Russell; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. All no cover. 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-8860.

RESORT SHOWS

Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa- 200 Nohea Kai Dr., 808-661-1234.

SUGAR CANE TRAIN - Thu, Sugar Cane Train Dinner 5 p.m.; Daily, Ride the Sugar Cane Train 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

CENTRAL MAUI

UMALU - Live Music 7-9 p.m.; Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:30-6 p.m.; Daily (except Wed), Live Music 4-6 p.m.

Warren & Annabelle’s - 900 Front St., 808-667-6244.

ALE HOUSE - Fri, Live Hawaiian Music 3-8pm. 355 . Kamehameha, Kahului, 808-877-9001. CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm; Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:30-8pm.1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului, 808-877-0073. CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY RESTAURANT Every night, Francois on piano; Every Fri & Sat, “Early Late Night” live music until 11pm; Every Sun, Fausto on acoustic guitar during brunch. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului, 808-873-6555.

ON MAUITIME.COM

WEST MAUI

Kaanapali Beach Club - 104 Kaanapali Shores, 808-661-2000. OHANA BAR & GRILL - Every Wed & Thu, Live Music 5:30-9:30 p.m.; Every Sun, Thu & Sat, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:30-9:30 p.m. Kaanapali Beach Hotel - 2525 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-661-0011. KANAEHELE ROOM - Daily (except Sun & Mon),

Sugar Cane Train - 975 Limahana Pl., 808-661-0088.

WARREN & ANNABELLE’S - Daily (except Sun.), Warren & Annabelle’s Magic Show 5 p.m. Westin Maui Resort & Spa - 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-667-2525. ONO BAR & GRILL - Sun, Raz Shaggai 6-9 p.m.; Fri, Brian Haia 6-9 p.m.; Sat, Keali’i Lum 6-9 p.m.; Wed, Scott Baird Duo with James DeBose 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI Fairmont Kea Lani - 4100 Wailea Alanui, 808-840-8402. FAIRMONT KEA LANI - Daily, Live Music 5:30-9:30 p.m.

GRAND DINING ROOM - Every Sun, Live Hawaiian Music and Hula Performances 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Every Sun, Live Music 9 a.m.-1 p.m. The Shops at Wailea - 3750 Wailea Alanui, 808-891-6770. THE SHOPS AT WAILEA - Wed, Jamie Lawerence and friends 6:30-8:30 p.m. Wailea Beach Marriot Resort & Spa - 3700 Wailea Alanui, 808-879-1922. KUMU BAR & GRILL - Daily, Hula Dancing 6:30-9 p.m. MELE MELE LOUNGE - Daily, Live Music 9-11 p.m.

EAST MAUI Hotel Hana-Maui - 5031 Hana Hwy., 808-248-8211. HOTEL HANA-MAUI - Every Fri, Hula dancing 7-8 p.m. PANIOLO LOUNGE - Every Sun, Wed, Thu & Sat, Live music 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Every Fri, Live music 6-9 p.m.

LIST YOUR EVENT! Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations. Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo and a link to your Web site. Go to mauitime.com/listing and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.

DECEMBER 9, 2010 35

KULA KID

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Parks & Recreation “I built my house from barley rice / green pepper walls and water ice/ tables of paper wood, windows of light / and everything emptying into white / a simple garden, with acres of sky / a brown-haired dogmouse / if one dropped by / yellow delanie would sleep well at night / with everything emptying into white.” - Cat Stevens, “Into White”

W

T . T.. AL CENTER PRESEN UI ARTS & CULTUR MA D AN OI KA E, MAUI TIM

Laugh OUT LOUD

S AT U R D AY

$%#%-"%2 s 0 AS SEEN ON: David Letterman, Johnny Carson, Bill Maher, Jay Leno, Bob Hope, George Burns, Conan O'Brien, Oprah Winfrey, and Rita Rudner: Live From Las Vegas Voted "Best Comedian in Las Vegas" by the Las Vegas Review-Journal for the past eight years, Rita Rudner has become one of Vegas' most beloved performers in a city filled with caberets and production shows. For tickets, call the Box Office at

242-SHOW (7469)

or go online to MauiArts.org

36 DECEMBER 9, 2010

hen I was a little girl, my mom took my best friend Braxton and me to Kula’s Enchanting Floral Gardens. We’d just read Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden, so we strung ornate plastic keys from Ben Franklin on singlecrocheted yarn lanyards and made an adventure of it (spoiler alert: the garden is no longer a secret at the end). Braxton, a boy, was kind enough to play along. Since then (and owing to the fact that if there’s such a thing as a green thumb, my mom’s a martian), instead of counting sheep, I like to “landscape.” As I tuck-in under the sheets, I’ll start with the outermost edges of imaginary acreage, pulling weeds and planting orchards. I scheme for color and mood—melancholy groves of ‘ohia, sunny side-up expanses of pua kala—and carve out hidden alcoves in hillsides. By the time I’m puttering in herb gardens in the innermost of the lot, magic bean seedlings are already saplings and fast-thickening into trees that kiss the sky. And just in time for real ZZZs to take me away, I string up a hammock between the shadiest, sturdiest two and rock-a-bye to Dreamland. But real landscaping takes real labor. Sweaty, gasoline-tinged labor. So while my circumstances are such that keyboard clickety clack is the extent of my cardio, I’ll placate myself with desktop succulents and cacti in thrift store mugs and sigh wishfully, thinking of things that may never come to pass.

O

ases in paradise are like chocolate chips in cookies— superfluous yet essential bursts of sweet respite. Whenever we find them, they’re worth marking on our mental maps and (when appropriate) sharing the coordinates with others. With that in mind, I’ve taken

great joy in watching a reclamation/ transformation take place in the vacant lot near our MauiTime offices, on the mauka side of Market Street. Where once was an eyesore sandlot, leaseholders have laboriously rolled out a an emerald carpet of sod, built a Pa and tended to native plants. The area has been home to a beer garden (and it’s really, like, a garden) for four consecutive Wailuku First Fridays—the most recent being the biggest and best yet according to man-in-charge Kainoa Horcajo—and now boasts the beginnings of a beautiful mural by Lanakila Kelliher and Soup Xaypany (who, over brew, told me the mural is planned to ensconce the entire lot, on every wall and concrete outcropping). It’s a privately owned space, so it’s not like you can just romp through at will, but it’s nonetheless a delight to walk past each day. In a similar vein is the idea of community gardens. Local chefs recently partnered with Kihei Elementary School to help students grow a “pizza garden,” and Haiku Elementary School just last month debuted a garden of its own. Community crackerjack Matt Lane of Community Work Day (among other altruistic programs) has been hard at work planting the seeds for the upstart—plus securing the backing to make it happen—and has amalgamated a wealth of innovative concepts (like incorporating aquaculutre and limu composting) into designs that stand to make Maui an international example. But I get nervous when I think of communal responsibility. Like the socio-economic philosophy that shares its name, it seems perfect on paper and impossible in practice. It’s the sort of thing I want so desperately to work, yet my thoughts are pocked with scenarios of greed, laziness, hurt feelings and disrepair. Yet I know when it comes to dreaming I’m not the only one, and with so many public/ private spaces being reclaimed in an eco-centric way, prospects are more hopeful than ever. Now I just need to head to Ben Franklin and make some more lanyards. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and silly asides and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1425k

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

HOROSCOPE

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com +

Sign Language SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC.21) If you’re not careful, your efforts to help someone can actually hurt them by making them essentially helpless, or worse, a parasite. It’s a noble thing to offer a hand when someone’s suffering, but be careful not to cross a line, effectively denying them the opportunity to be independent. Your admirable intentions should always take note of the long-term view. Where would you like to see this person in a year’s time? I’m not suggesting you turn your back on someone in need, but simply ask yourself: Is the kind of help you’re offering going to get them there, or would it actually hold them back?

nothing at all. Regardless of where you fall on this spectrum, you can be assured that whoever you might end up sleeping with falls somewhere else. If temperature isn’t the issue, it might be light, sound, or movement. This is one of those things most people simply accept; it’s rarely about how to “change” someone’s sleeping preferences (or, indeed, requirements)—something that’s virtually impossible to do, but just whether or not you can happily share a bed. Same goes for your current quandary—since changing either party’s needs isn’t an option, you must simply figure out whether or not a reasonably happy medium is even possible.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Although in many parts of life—especially business—we’re supposed to act like emotionless automatons, feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. Sure, there are situations where their expression is less acceptable, but never deny what you’re experiencing, even if you take pains not to let it show (right that second). Losing touch with that by never allowing it to come to the surface would be a great tragedy. If it’s already happened, take comfort in this: it’s at least a reversible one. This week, rediscover those feelings you don’t often allow yourself. Even if it’s painful, you’ll ultimately be glad you did.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) Imagine your favorite restaurant was randomly closed when you stopped by for a meal. Once would be no big deal, but after the second or third time this happened, you’d probably reconsider going there in the future. A certain amount of predictability is desirable in most aspects of life, especially businesses, but not just those. In general, we’re willing to overlook the occasional miss—shit happens, after all. But if it happens too often, we start to look elsewhere to get our needs met. Keep this in mind this week: being flaky, lazy, or rebellious, while occasionally excusable, isn’t likely to get you to where you want to go.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Everyone quarrels occasionally. However, if your bickering with a friend or lover has become so frequent or intense that it’s negatively impacting others, you guys need to either chill out, or learn how to at least effectively table arguments until that won’t happen—meaning, really put them aside until later; if you bring with you an atmosphere of awful, unbearable tension, no one will want you at their party. Conflicts should get resolved, of course, but not while there are others who must worry about being caught in the crossfire, or drafted into the war.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Your leadership abilities are admirable, and most of the time you’re good at making sure everyone’s needs are more or less taken care of. However, every once in a while you get so carried away with a certain vision that you start viewing people as mere extras in your Leo Show, instead of individuals with agendas and aspirations of their own. This, as you can probably imagine, never goes over particularly well. While your enthusiasm and excitement are wonderful and understandable, don’t allow them to make you lose sight of the big picture—after all, your best chance at realizing their fruition is to take into account the emotions of all concerned.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) When I was growing up, I thought most of the fun of holiday gift-giving was the surprise involved in the unwrapping of each present. Sure, some of those surprises were unpleasant (“another green sweater?”), but nowadays, it really feels like the only unknown when opening a gift is, “Which item from my wish list is this?” While wish lists do make giftbuying easier, I can’t help but feel that they’ve robbed a bit of fun from the holidays. Consider ignoring them altogether and taking a risk with something more original; surely it will mean something that it came from you. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) I’m abysmal at remembering significant dates. Anniversaries, birthdays, and even major holidays frequently sneak up on me or get overlooked until after the fact. I try to make up for this by attempting to make other times special—hopefully more so because they’re unexpected. Getting a gift on a random day in May is pretty sweet, and arguably nicer than receiving one on Christmas day, when you’d probably be expecting it. Although ignoring the upcoming holidays is unwise, consider approaching them more lightheartedly than in years past, and how you can make other days of the year just as, or more, special. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Never forget humor’s amazing power to defuse simmering tension, avert disaster, and as a bonus, up your sex appeal. In fact, one witty comment, delivered at the right moment in the right way, can change the course of an entire holiday gettogether. Tensions can run rather high during the holidays, as you know. Since you’re generally (with the occasional exception) one of the more levelheaded people you know, it might be on you to try to keep things from going supernova— and evoking laughter is certainly the best (and perhaps only) way for you to do exactly that. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Some people love sleeping in the cold under layers of thick blankets. Others prefer being cozy under just a sheet, or

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Many business promises—including but not limited to rebates, guarantees, and return policies—bank on the general goodwill and/or laziness of most of their customers. If everyone had the determination and follow-through to actually cash in, they’d probably go out of business. But most people are either too lazy, forgetful, or good-natured to bother, so they can afford to help out the handful who jump through the hoops. Unfortunately, at least some of the offers you’ll get in the coming weeks are similar—made trusting that you probably won’t actually accept. Knowing which are genuine and which aren’t, however, would be valuable information. Want to know the best way to find out which is which? Take them up on it. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) More than almost anywhere else in the world, Americans have cultivated a desire for immediate gratification, and lost patience when it comes to things that simply take more time, like losing weight. Even though crash diets are pretty much always counterproductive, they’re much more popular than plans that would actually effectively help people keep weight off, because the former gives swift (if temporary) results, while the latter requires many months to see a real difference. Be honest and realistic: is your own impatience keeping you from the results you want? Stop wasting time and just slow down and start doing things the right way, already. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) The reason it’s hard to get truly spicy food at some restaurants is that many patrons claim to adore spicy food, then can’t handle it when the chefs actually deliver. Eventually, wise cooks learn to keep things very mild, because people’s definitions of “spicy” vary so widely. Something similar happens in many walks of life, including sex. For some “kinky” can mean “I like oral sex,” while others’ definitions skew to a much wilder side. Because these things are so subjective, you will need to adopt the wise chef approach: start mild and add spice slowly, to taste.

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