a Different Angle Magazine / March 09 Issue 5 by Marturano Enterprises

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Issue 5/ Mar 09

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“For security purposes, please confirm your date of birth and the first line of your address…” ound familiar? It will if you, like many today, conduct your affairs over the phone. Data protection protocols such as these were introduced to comply with the infamous Data Protection Act of 1998. You know, the one that rubs most of us up the wrong way? Generally, because we’re busy and don’t have the time to be on the phone, waiting for a monotonous recording to call out numbers like telephone bingo, then demand we select one so that it may proceed to patronise us by apologising for the wait, explaining that its due to the unusually high number of calls and promising that a representative will be with us shortly. Then, many minutes later, during which we can feel ourselves growing old, a representative, often sounding bored and with a northern or foreign accent, finally takes our call and allows us to burden them with the nature of our enquiry. However, many of us are often told that they are unable to help, “because of the data protection act, we’re only able to discuss the account with the account holder.” Now, I don’t know which grates me the most; the fact that I pointlessly ran the gauntlet of numbers or the fact that call centre operators tend to cite the Data Protection Act like a mystical incantation that will make me go away. These people are actually giving ‘the act’ a bad name in so far as instead of it being synonymous with data security and the protection of privacy, it’s now generally associated with unhelpful automatons. Guidelines state that operators should explain why they don’t feel comfortable sharing information (they’re unable to verify the identity of the caller; the information is of a sensitive nature and can only be discussed with the account holder, etcetera). So, do you feel that the act protects or hinders you? If you feel it’s a hindrance, it could well be due to the hypocritical way in which government bodies are handling this business. On the one hand, there is ‘the act’ (albeit with a bad name) and on the other, there are everyday stories of bumbling politicians leaving laptops on trains, civil servants throwing CDs full of data into the garbage and pen drives left in taxis. Never before has our data been this vulnerable. And what’s being done about it? Well, there’s certainly a lot of talking but not much action, not even against the morons who clearly don’t take our privacy very seriously. Rather than getting the sack these people are given a slap on the wrist and are sent on to prove their ineptitude once more. Maybe if they found themselves out of a job, they might think twice about such blatant carelessness next time. Harsh? I

don’ think so, since I believe that if I’m entrusted with information or indeed the money of many citizens then I should ensure that my duties are performed to the best of my ability rather than adopting a slap dash approach of, ‘if it isn’t mine, it doesn’t matter.’ That said, if we don’t care about how we handle our personal data then how on earth can we expect a civil servant to care? “Knowledge is power” or, more specifically, “data is power”, and big companies (like supermarkets) are spending phenomenal amounts of money getting the edge on their competitors. Many have discovered the power of ‘loyalty cards’; to us, a few extra coupons every quarter, to them, thousands of pounds worth of fortune telling; how often we dye our hair, stock up on sanitary products and even have sex, its all in the scan of a card. Knowing when they will sell more of what means that inventory levels can be reduced and logistics coordinated to maximise profits. What you buy and where in the country is sifted, collated and pie charted to establish type of person, how much they spend on luxury items versus everyday essentials (rich versus poor), how much on ‘Friends’ box sets versus arthritic potions (young versus old). Instant demographics means the ability to target specific products, prices, offers. These are added savings that would have otherwise cost the company thousands, possibly millions per annum. Of course this isn’t an exact science but an average is better than nothing (this is after all how many government statistics are published). Whilst most people will pause for thought when considering how much these corporate peeping toms know about us, others will ask what all the fuss is about. So what if retailers are able to pitch the right products and offers to the right people? How you feel is purely subjective. The point is that in the 21st century, data is king, if “the computer says no,” then it’s no. Even the humble rent book is no longer stamped but swiped in the form of a plastic card with that all powerful magnetic strip that attracts and retains all of your personal details. Campaigners warn against “a surveillance society” in which the state acquires greater powers to track the movements of citizens and retain personal data. Last year, government plans for a database holding details of our telephone calls and emails was branded as ‘Orwellian’ and shelved whilst ministers ‘consult’ further. In the meantime, there are an estimated four million surveillance cameras in the UK and its DNA database is the largest in the world. Not surprising, since UK law allows police to take DNA samples from anybody who is arrested and retain them indefinitely regardless of whether or not there is a conviction. Yet the government insists that surveillance cameras and DNA samples are “essential crime fighting tools.” And many will agree. “If you don’t do anything wrong then you have nothing to

worry about.” What do you think? There is so much on gleaned primarily from the electoral roll, the rest is colthis subject that I could fill a whole magazine and not just lated from a selection of perfectly legal databases. So, now, if you’re truly devious and want to illegally impersonate an article. your neighbour, give the finance company a call and when hat does concern me is the accessibility of our they say, “For security purposes, please confirm your date data and the absence of comprehensive checks to of birth and the first line of your address,” you’ll have all ensure that what information is held on us remains pri- the information you need. And that’s just the tip of the vate. I’d heard and read so many stories about identity iceberg. For £20, I was able to log onto a website and theft and the fact that it is on the increase that I decided track my ex down to an address in Atlanta, USA. Firstly, I to conduct my own experiments. I must stress that I have should say that US and UK privacy laws differ. However, no previous investigative training. What I do have is a the dossier contained current abode, contact details laptop, internet access, and a mobile phone. The phrase (current and pervious telephone numbers), time at current “keeping up with the Jones” originated from a popular abode, property owner (whether owned or leased), current comic strip and is, like it or not, embedded in the psyche occupants, next of kin, family members and their contact of many people which means that with the best will in the details, neighbours, their contact details, the value of their world, especially in the current economic climate, the last properties, criminal convictions (passed and pending), thing you want to hear is your neighbour crowing about and the list went on. Oh, and the website was running a his brand new car and the fact that he got it with an ex- special offer: for $2 dollars extra, I could get current email clusive discount and that he paid for most of it with cash. addresses and mobile phone numbers. This is one of the Now, you would think he’d make such a claim because it many reasons why identity theft is on the increase. Latest was true or simply because he believed you wouldn’t be estimates have put the annual cost of fraud to the UK able to find out anyway, right? Wrong. This is what I economy at £1.2bn. Moreover, these figures are set to rise found out. Take a look at the car’s number plate, dealers with the current ‘crunch’ as more and more people find will often brand this with their name for marketing pur- themselves out of a job and desperate. Data accessibility is poses. Type the company name into your favourite search making it much easier for criminals to get a hold of our engine and be rewarded with their contact details. Give personal details and use these to claim state benefits, open them a call and ask the anonymous question, “I’m inter- bank accounts, apply for credits cards and even obtain ested in buying a car but I have some ‘ethical’ concerns false official documents, such as birth certificates, passabout which company you might refer my car loan to. ports and driving license. The worse thing is that if your Could you please confirm the name of your finance com- identity is stolen, you won’t know anything about it until pany?” Dealers are always on the look out for new busi- it’s too late. Many find out when they go to make a claim ness; don’t expect any resistance to your question. Now, for something and find that they are already claiming or use your trusty search engine to find the finance com- are turned down for a loan because they’ve already pany’s contact details or simply call the dealer back and maxxed out the other five cards and 3 loans they didn’t this time tell them that you’re a customer and need to know about. There are many ways a criminal can assume speak to somebody about an existing car loan. For the your identity, one of the most common ways, believe or next part, you’re going to need the name of your not, is to rifle through your trash cans. Yes, your refuse neighbour and their address. Well, you already have those. could prove a veritable banquet for voracious fraudsters. You just need to know their date of birth. What? You’re All it takes is a discarded letter. For example, you may not that intimate with your neighbour? Oh well, never resist taking up a promotional offer from a catalogue mind, there are many websites out there who are able to company, you screw the leaflet up and throw it in the bin, help you. It’ll cost about £9.00 but for that you’ll get a and you might even rip it up a few times. Not good whole dossier which will include but is not limited to: enough. It doesn’t take a krypton factor champion to confirmation mailing address, phone number, names of reassemble several pieces of a document that more than all other household occupants (current and previous), the often contains not only your name and address but also price of the house and family history. If he or she is a your account number. If not, you need only say, “Hello, director of a company, then you’ll get the name of the my name’s Jo Bloggs and I live in this street and this town company, address, position in the company, confirmation with this postcode. I’m sorry, I don’t have my account of date of birth, neighbouring address information, in- number at the moment but can you track me down by my cluding bought and sold price, directions to their house, postcode. What’s that? For security reasons, you want me oh, and if you’re really interested, an areal photograph to confirm my date of birth.” Before you know it, you’ve that you can zoom into! And all this is perfectly legal. No charged thousands worth of electrical goods and, in some (Continued on page 7) dodgy site or anything like that. The information is

Why does it take an act of nature to bring the best out in us? ell, if you’re reading this it means you survived the February snows. Thank God or should I thank the emergency services or your neighbour, or maybe a complete stranger? Yes, it’s truly laughable how the UK falls to peaces every time there’s a meteorological anomaly, whether that be floods, snow or wind. It’s amazing how many other countries are able to actually forecast and prepare for extreme weather conditions year in year out but we just seem to enjoy making a spectacle of ourselves every time. Granted, that this ‘freaky’ weather is precisely that but we’re perpetually reminded that the climate is changing, so isn’t it time that the authorities get organised? Whilst they are at it, they may want to give school boards an overhaul too since I find it amazing that some pupils aren’t wearing coats to school because they “don’t have anywhere to put them” when they get there. I’m in no way insinuating that I could do a better job but I have to wonder about the judgement of some school heads. Especially when, during the February snows, many pupils were required to wait until the last possible minute to find out whether or not they were required to attend class. Worse still is, having seen that sacks of snow were being dumped on the region and that many rural areas had been cut off and yet still bizarrely compelling the children to make their way through the fog of snow flakes and onto the bus, don’t wimp out 60 minutes later and send them back home! This happened twice. How many of you remember the days when, as a child, you had to get up early, complete your chores around the home and then walk a few miles to school, whatever the weather? Yes, I know things have changed and whilst you’re contemplating whether or not they have changed for the better, I’ll make my point; if you’re responsible for running a school, then lead, don’t dilly dally when it comes to making a decision. Remember that you’re actually leading by example. hey say that it takes an unusual situation to bring out the best or worse in people. Well, the February snows did precisely that. Something you don’t often see in British everyday life came to the fore when it was needed the most. I have to confess, I’m all for

the American sycophantic tradition of baking pies and visiting the new neighbours for introductions, I have friends who do this all the time in the States, but in all my years, I’ve never experienced this in the UK. Yes, us Brits are famous for our stiff upper lip and our aloofness, that’s why it’s wonderfully reassuring to read and hear so many stories that, at first impression, would seem uncharacteristic of our fellow countryman (although those who know much about the blitz would say that it is not). A sense of “We’re in this together” has never been more palpable than during the February snows. For example, there’s the story of the couple from Devon whose car slid down and steep hill, turned and jacknifed itself in the middle of the road, leaving them at the mercy of other vehicles, “We didn’t know what to do. We called the emergency services, the AA but they were busy and unable to get to us. The snow was falling, we were freezing and I was terrified a car was going to plough into us.” But they needn’t have worried because it wasn’t long before a farmer and his wife turned up with a tractor and not only towed them to safety but took the strangers into their home, offered them food and even warm socks! This is just one of the many acts of selflessness reported all around our nation. he snows also, albeit temporarily, cut off many villages from the rest of the world making the humble village store their only source of essentials, such as milk and bread, oh and newspapers and chocolate! In the case of the village store in Great Paxton it also proved the source of fresh home baked bread and pizza. “We’d run out of the usual sliced loaf so people were turning to home baked foods. We couldn’t bake it fast enough,” said Mamma Anna who also remarked on the fact that she’d never seen so many new faces who actually turned out to be people living in the village yet she’d never seen them in the store before. Which proves the point that whilst it’s only natural that most will shop at their local supermarket, not only for choice but for the discounts afforded by their gargantuan buying power, the humble local store is there when you need it the most. In a world when many are becoming disillusioned with the capitalism of supermarkets, local stores have never been more pertinent. Although the sad reality is; unless you support your local, whether that’s dropping in for the occasional home baked treat or everyday essential, it may not be there again when you need it the most. ■

(Continued from page 5)

cases, a new set of underwear that you haven’t even clapped eyes on. So, what’s the government doing to protect us? Well, sadly, not much. In reality, there isn’t much it can do except hope that the natural gravitational pressures on institutions to protect themselves and their customers from fraudsters will force them into introducing stricter security protocols. Some already have, such as password protected accounts and additional security screening but, as you’ve seen above, some of this is woefully inadequate. The irony is that most of us, who haven’t yet been victims of such crimes, are actually irked by the inquisition we’re subjected to each time we try to conduct our affairs over the phone, this is somewhat natural for those with legitimate intentions, such as families enquiring on behalf of an elderly relative or wife calling about a telephone bill that happens to be in her husband’s name. The reality is, utility bills are widely used as proof of identity when applying for important financial applications, such as mortgage, car loan and, most important of all, mail redirection; another popular tool used by fraudsters. Imagine for a second; how often (unless you’re expecting something) do you worry about not receiving post? For most, no news is good news. Not necessarily. No news could mean that your mail has been redirected to a PO BOX falsely registered by someone in your name. It only takes a few days worth of your post to get a handle on your identity. If you’re registered on Royal Mail’s website, you can apply for a redirection online and subsequently confirm your identity with a variety of documents, one of them being (you’ve guessed it) a utility bill. It has to be said that Royal Mail claim to work hard to “stamp out fraud” because they take the problem “very seriously”. I dare say, perhaps not as seriously as the fee payable with each redirection application. There are many things you can do to protect your identity and most you will have heard of before so rather than patronising you, I’ll just say that if you want to know more then simply revisit your favourite search engine, type in identity fraud and you’ll find a list of sites brimming with practical albeit obvious (for some) advice. ■

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They’ve transcended time, passed from generation to generation, evolving to become part of our every day conversation. But what exactly do old proverbs mean and where did they come from? We’ve researched and compiled a list of the most widely believed origins. Limelight - In 1816, Thomas Drummond devised a lighting source for theatres. It was a cylinder of lime heated by an incandescent flame and placed behind a lens or in front of a reflector. These ‘lime lights’ were very bright which meant that the ‘star’ performer was visible as long as he stood in it. Soon, actors were competing to be easily seen in the limelight. And thus the saying was born. Axe to Grind - There are a few stories behind this one. Some say that prolific author and inventor, Benjamin Franklyn, was duped by a stranger into giving a demonstration of how the family grindstone worked. In reality, the stranger just needed his axe sharpened. Franklyn then wrote a metaphorical cautionary tale about axe sharpening, as did Author Charles Miner. Therefore, the saying cannot be attributed to either although the meaning is the same; somebody with a hidden agenda is often referred to as somebody with “an axe to grind”. No Spring Chicken New England chicken farmers discovered that chickens born in the spring bought better prices than the old birds that had gone through the winter. Farmers would often try to sell old birds as new spring born chickens but smart buyers often complained that a tough fowl was "no spring chicken" and so the term was adopted into society representing somebody past their plump and tender years. Break the Ice - All cities that grew as a result of being on rivers (for trade) suffered during bitter cold times when the river froze. Even large ships got stuck, making them icebound for weeks. Small, sturdier boats, known as ‘icebreakers’, were developed to precede larger ships, breaking the ice and enabling the movement of goods to market. Thus, every boatman knew that in order to

get down to business, one first had to “break the ice”. It is believed that the term, as we know it, was born around 1821 when Lord Byron immortalised it, in a metaphorical sense, in his Epic, Don Juan. Pass the Buck - Poker became very popular in America during the days when the west was wild. Players were suspicious of each other. Many stories circulated depicting gunslingers in shoot-outs due to accusations of dirty dealing. In order to avoid unfairness, the deal changed hands during sessions. The person who was next in line to deal would be given a marker. This was often a knife, and knives often had handles made of buck's horn - hence the marker became known as the buck. When the dealer's turn was done, he 'passed the buck'. Silver dollars were later used as markers and it’s believed that this was the origin for the use of buck as a slang term for dollar. Throw in the Towel is believed to originate from old boxing days, when battered fighters were unable to get up for the next round. As a signal that the fight was over, managers would reluctantly throw an item into the ring, often the sponge or towel. Today, regulations are in place to limit the violence of the past but the saying "throwing in the towel" is still used when one gives up on a situation or project. To Rub up the Wrong Way is to deal with someone insensitively, whether on purpose or by accident, to the point of irking them. It’s believed that this saying dates back to colonial times and oak-board floors. Once a week, servants had to wet-rub then dry-rub these floors. But if the task wasn’t carried out correctly (to the grain), the floors would look streaky. To some masters, this was worse than it not being done at all since it proved to be a source of embarrassment when

entertaining. There is an alternate and more plausible version which is to rub an animal (such as a domestic cat) up the wrong way. That is to rub its fur in the opposite direction to which is grows. To Spill the Beans is to reveal all. In ancient Greece, voting for membership into some organisations was done via coloured beans; white beans favouring a nominated candidate and black or brown beans against. Jars weren’t transparent and therefore, not unlike today, the results of the ballot were unknown until these were counted by officials. However, on some occasions, clumsy voters would knock the jar over, ‘spilling the beans’ and revealing the content to all. Since then, the phrase has become synonymous with revealing truth or hidden secrets. To Beat around the Bush is to avoid dealing with an issue or situation directly. This saying is believed to originate from boar hunting when noblemen hired workers to walk through the woods, beating branches and making noises to get animals to run towards the hunters. Most know that boars are dangerous with razorsharp teeth and workers were reluctant to come face to face with one of the animals (at least unarmed) which meant they’d avoid the dense undergrowth where the boar might be, they’d ‘beat around it’. On Cloud Nine - For some odd reason, the number 9 has always been considered special by mathematicians. Some say it goes back to the Holy Trinity since 3 x 3 = 9. And later in Victorian times, a person who was all dressed up was said to be "dressed to the nines." So what does this have to do with clouds? It was believed that clouds existed on a level of layers, and the ultimate high layer was 9. So anyone who is ecstatically happy is believed (at least in a

metaphorical sense) to be soaring to the highest level cloud, 9. Henpeck Biologist W.C. Allee gained fame when he discovered the pecking order of hens, and the female's habit of using her beak as a weapon among other females. However, the hens never peck the male roosters yet the term today represents the verbal attacks females inflict on males! Double -cross - Centuries ago, when illiteracy was common, and a person was asked to sign a document, they’d do so by inserting an "X" in place of their signature. This was legal. However, the process was often done under pressure (at gunpoint) which meant that the signing party often had no intention of honouring the terms of the contract. Oral lore stated that if a cross was doubled (one written over the other), the first cross was voided thus nullifying the contract. So, to be double crossed was to be duped into a contract or a situation not honoured by the other party. Graveyard Shift There are few versions of this story. The more plausible appears to be tied into another saying, saved by the bell. Tragically, there was a time when being buried alive was a common occurrence. Some who were terrified of such a fate were buried in special coffins with strings attached to a bell above ground. At night, a guard was set to watch the graveyard. This was known as the graveyard shift. The guard’s task was to listen for any ringing bells and occupants liberated from their earthly tomb were saved by the bell. Dead as a Doornail - There are a few origins for this saying although both are very similar to each other. Nails were in great demand during colonial times. So much so that people would often go out during the night and steal these from their neighbour’s doors. To prevent this from happening, the ends of the nails were bent and hammered down (on the inside) to prevent them from being pulled out (from the outside). The act was

‘deadening the nail’; it could not be removed and all other uses for the nail were terminated. Thus it was dead. One of the earliest uses for the term is documented in Shakespeare’s King Henry VI (1590). Bring Home the Bacon comes from the prize a contestant would win at many county fairs for catching the greased pig. The winner ‘brought home the bacon’ or the winnings. Today the term is used to mean bringing home money earned through a job and or a difficult task. Shindig originates from North Carolina; which is believed to be the square dance capital of the world. Many rookies who try to square dance end up swinging their foot wildly, often digging into the shins of their partners or other dancers, thus any dancing event of its kind became known thereon as a shindig. Over a barrel – In the days when a public whipping was the norm, prisoners were often tied to the curve of an overturned barrel (with their feet on the floor) to prevent them from escaping. Today the term signifies being in a metaphorical position from which there is no way out. Sweetheart- Hardhearted, soft-hearted, heavy-hearted, light-hearted, and cold-hearted. Many years ago, the pumping action of the heart was considered to be the seat of a person's personality. Doctors knew little else about our circulatory system which meant that figurative words were used instead. Since love often makes our heart beat faster, the term "swete hert" was born and slowly metamorphosed into the one we all know and ‘cherish’ today, “sweetheart"; somebody who makes our heart beat fast. Wrong Side of the Bed - Most of us are right handed. In the ancient world, the left-side of the body or anything ‘left’ was considered sinister, mysterious, dangerous and or evil. This prompted most to push the left side of the bed against the wall which meant one had to rise from the right side. Today, we’ll rise

from either side of the bed. However, the term remains, and if somebody we know acts irritably, they’re deemed to have “got out of the wrong side of the bed.” Blockbuster originates from WWII and refers to a bomb that could level an entire block. When the boys came home, the phrase caught on to represent anything that made a gargantuan impact. Flip Side goes back to the days of vinyl records. Remember those? Each record had an ‘A’ side featuring the main recording and a ‘B’ side often carrying a much lesser title. This song became known as the "flip side." In society, it caught on as every argument or situation has another side or perspective. The Green-eyed Monster is the manifestation of jealousy, as conceived by Shakespeare in his play, "Othello". Act III refers to a cat’s green eyes (the green eyed monster). The doom that is The Writing on the Wall is from the bible when Belshazzar, successor to King Nebuchadnezzar, got drunk one night and afterward reported that a mysterious hand appeared and wrote 4 strange words on the banquet room wall. Daniel (the prophet) interpreted this writing as an ominous foreboding, as many of us do today. Lock, Stock and Barrel. An old rifle (or musket) had 3 major parts: lock, a stock of wood and a metal barrel. Each part was totally useless without the other. Thus, when a person chose to put everything 100% into a decision, action or commitment, they are doing it "lock stock and barrel." Alternative farm analogy was that a Lock meant the house, stock was all the animals and barrel was the rain barrel meaning (all the junk). Thus, many years ago, an estate would have been sold lock, stock and barrel. The term get the sack dates back to 1825 when roaming tradesmen carried most of their worldly possessions in a sack. Thus, to remain in employment was to rest your sack in the boss’s property. The alternative was to “get the sack”! ■

In Short…

funny stories and pictures from around the world.

AND THE NEWS HEADLINES...Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn when the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two protesters to death. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnaje, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back, marked 'return to sender'. Forgetting it was the bomb, Mr Rahnaje opened the package and was After being killed by the blast. charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30year-old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards". The bank asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards in turn asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.

THUMB OR HAMMER? This is a true story about a shopper (name withheld to protect her dignity) who picked up several items in a supermarket and made her way to the checkout to discover that one item wasn’t price tagged. Imagine her embarrassment when, in a scene straight out of a stereotype, she heard the cashier’s voice boom out of the intercom, “PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." Things got worse when the her colleague, at the back of the store, misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for “Thumbtacks” and in a businesslike tone boomed back, “DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?” WIDOW’S SHOCK MESSAGE FROM DOWN UNDER A mature couple planned to celebrate their anniversary by checking into the Florida hotel in which they’d spent their honeymoon. Because of their busy schedules, the husband flew down a day before his wife. Upon arrival, he emailed her but mistakenly sent the message to a grieving widow; “I know you’re surprised to hear from me, they have computers here now. I’ve just arrived and have checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Look forward to seeing you. P.S. Sure is hot down here!”

Sound Bites… (from the U.S. court room) The following are actual court transcript excerpts now featured in a book called “Law and Disorder”. Q: “What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?”A: “He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: “And why did that upset you?” A: “My name is Susan!” Q: “Are you sexually active?” A: “No, I just lie there.” Q: “Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?” A: “Did you actually pass the bar exam?”

Q: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?” A: “I forget. Q: “You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?” Q: “The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?” A: “He's twenty, much like your IQ.”

Q: “Were you present when your picture was taken?” A: “Are you kidding me?” Q: “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?” A: “Yes.” Q: “And what were you doing at that time?” A: “Getting laid” Q: “She had three children, right?” A: “Yes.” Q: “How many Q: “This myasthenia were boys?” A: “None.” Q: gravis, does it affect your “Were there any girls?” A: memory at all?” A: “Yes.” “Your Honour, I think I

need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?” Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?” A: “By death.” Q: “And by whose death was it terminated?” A: “Take a guess.” Q: “Can you describe the individual?” A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.” Q: “Was this a male or a female?” A: “Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.” Q: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?” A: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.” Q: “ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?” A: “Oral.” Q: “Are you qualified to give a

urine sample?” A: “Are you qualified to ask that q u e s t i o n ? ” Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?” A: “No.” Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?” A: “No.” Q: “Did you check for breathing?” A: “No.” Q: “Is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?” A: “No.” Q: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?” A: “His brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.” Q: “I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?” A: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.”

Half of all identity thieves are relatives, friends, or neighbours of their victims.

Most burglaries occur during the day.

The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

English sailors were referred to as "limeys" because sailors added lime juice to their diet to combat scurvy.

To take an oath, ancient Romans put a hand on their testicles, hence the word ‘testimony’.

Natural gas has no smell. The odour is artificially added so that people will be able to identify leaks.

The best time to buy shoes is in the afternoon since the foot has swelled slightly by then.

A car operates at maximum economy, fuel-wise, at speeds between 25 and 35 miles per hour.

People who are lying to you tend to look up and to the left (their left).

10.

If a surgeon in ancient Egypt lost a patient while performing an operation, his hands were cut off.

‘Interesting’ Facts

Cynic’s Corner...

Delicatessen: A shop selling the worse parts of animals more expensively than the nice parts. Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you’re told. Diplomacy: the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock. Distress: The disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. Easter: a national celebration of chocolate. Email: a useful device for gossiping with your friends when you’re in the office and still looking busy or a means of communicating with people

you don’t want to talk to. Exercise: what you get when you walk from your door to your car. Experience: the name everyone gives to their mistakes. Expert: someone who can take what you knew already and make it sound confusing. Family: a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal and the common cold. Fashion: a form of ugliness so intolerable it has to be altered every six months. Father: a banker provided by nature. Faults: things which should be acknowledged frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an

opportunity to commit way of getting nothing for more. Feminism: the belief something. Gentleman: one who never strikes a woman without provocation. Golf: a good walk spoiled. Good Deed: something that never goes unpunished. Grievance: Something which supplies a purpose in life. Guest: that women should have the someone who stays at your opportunity to behave as house without paying and badly as men. Fib: a lie that expects to be served meals has not cut its teeth. at regular intervals. Fidelity: putting all your Hangover: when the brew eggs in one basket. Fishing of the night meets the dark rod: a stick with a worm on of the day. Happiness: an one end and a fool on the agreeable sensation arising other. Flattery: a bit like a from the misery of others. cigarette; alright if you don’t inhale. Food: Something that can be a deadlier weapon than a machine gun. Friend: someone who will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body. Friendship: a ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. Gambling: the sure

with

2 couples, 2 nights out on us.

It’s our birthday! a Different Angle magazine is one year old. To celebrate, we’re sending two lucky couples to the movies for free and we’re even going to throw in enough for some goodies. Not only is st-neots.net the number one local website for news, weather, your pictures, local information and more but our sister website has teamed up with us to bring you an easy way to beat the credit crunch and have some fun without having to count the pennies. To enter, just visit www.st-neots.net and find the unfinished sentence “I love st-neots.net because….” (it could be hidden anywhere, so keep your eyes peeled), when you find it, click it to create an email, complete the sentence, send it and you’re done! We’ll randomly select 5 winning entries at the end of March 2009 and then again at the end of April 2009. The entry with the best completed sentence wins! Winners will be notified via email and the £20 cinema voucher can be collected from Great Paxton Village Store or posted to the winner’s address. Terms and conditions are posted on our website. Good luck!