The small magazine with a BIG mouth
Issue 6/ June 09
THE DEATH OF MARRIAGE LIVING WITH THE DEVIL a true story of narcissism PLUS: 10 Interesting Facts and In Short; funny news and pictures from around the world. a Different Angle Magazine - March 2009
Different Angle Issue 6 / June 2009 to August 2009
Getting married? Why bother? You could end up living with a narcissist!
Hello and welcome to the summer edition of a Different Angle. So, have you got your suitcases packed? Rumour has it that we’re going to have our own scorcher this year so be sure to pack the sunscreen. And it doesn’t matter if you’re not languishing on a tropical beach, our morsel sized magazine is perfect for any occasion, even for a quick glimpse when the boss isn’t looking. So, what have we got in store for you this time. Well, since June tends to be the preferred month for weddings, we thought we’d dedicate this edition to relationships (men please don’t run a mile, this is a Different Angle after all ) and, most importantly, marriage, you know, that institution that some can’t live with but many seem to live without. We’re asking why bother getting married at all? And to accompany that nicely we’ve also delved into the archives and pulled out a subject matter that I spent a lot of time researching whilst I was writing a non fiction manuscript about relationships; narcissism. If you don’t know much about it, don’t worry, we tell you all there is to know about Living with the devil with a true story of narcissism but be warned, it makes for some scary reading. And if it all proves too much, we’ve got a revamped 10 interesting facts and more amusing news stories and pictures from around the world. Thanks goes to all who participated in issue 5’s free cinema ticket competition, in association with ST-NEOTS.NET (discover the town). Although there could only ever be two winners and both couples will be on their way to watch a summer blockbuster on us. Enjoy! Speaking of blockbusters, you will no doubt have noticed the ominous poster to the left courtesy of our new sponsor, WARNER BROS. Not that we’re name dropping or anything. Which leads me onto my next point. If you haven’t been in touch already about advertising in the magazine, now’s the time. We’ve been doing some research and the results are as we expected, a Different Angle is one of if not the most economical vehicle for your promotional message since you can rent a block of space in the magazine from as little as £35 and reach an audience of over 16,000 readers. I say over because a staggering 1,100 of you also read issue 5 online last quarter. (Thanks!) We’ve even made it easier; you can now rent space in the magazine online with relevant discounts, visit our website for more information: www.adifferentangle.co.uk . So, there’s nothing else to say but thank you for reading and thanks very much to our advertisers; without you life would be, um, difficult. Enjoy your summer, happy reading and stay in touch! Tony Marturano Managing Editor
Living With the Devil.
Also inside: 10 Interesting Facts & IN SHORT: funny news and pictures from around the world.
PUBLISHED Every quarter by Marturano Enterprises. CIRCULATION Delivered free and direct to 16,000 homes, businesses, public places and online at www.adifferentangle.co.uk ADVERTISING To advertise, visit our website and buy online from as little as £35 or send us an email. NEXT ISSUE September 2009 CONTACT email@example.com www.adifferentangle.co.uk © Copyright 2009 Marturano Enterprises
The death of marriage I
t’s summer! And there’s a distinct possibility that you, a relative or an acquaintance are busy organising some aspect of a wedding, you know that special often very expensive event that has many breathless with nervousness, the same that takes months, (if not years) of dating, organising, negotiating, compromising and weighing so that you can live one day like a movie star with cameras flashing, people fussing and eyes watering as you legalise your commitment to your soul partner in a ceremony which for some, generally those guests that you hardly ever see but had to invite because it would otherwise look bad, went on a bit. In reality, it’s not long after the rice has settled that the mass migration of guests begins and its off to the reception that (if you took out small mortgage) takes place at a nice hotel with an ‘oldie woldy’ decor or (if it’s a wedding on a budget) will take place at an old village hall or in somebody’s back garden. Regardless of the location, most will be plied with copious amounts of alcohol and just about enough food to see it to the end of the evening when, with blistered feet but still with a smile on their face, the happy couple will make their way to their hotel room or (if they’re lucky or rich enough) to the airport and onto a flight to some exotic location to consume even more alcohol and finally the marriage. Because that’s the process, right? 1 – You date 2 – You get engaged 3 – You get married 4 – You ‘consume’ the marriage 5 – You move in together 6 – You start a family. That’s how it goes, isn’t it? No? You mean this wasn’t the process you or most of the people you know followed? Tut tut. So, which steps did you and yours take and in which sequence? Stop for a second to consider that. Generally speaking, the more ‘mature’ you are then the more you are likely to have followed the above steps in order. Why? Well, I don’t think it’s because you didn’t enjoy the liberation and the excitement of your youth because most people do (even if they don’t truly appreciate it at the time). No, there’s one simple reason, and that is that the more we regress in time the more, as individuals, we would have been expected to do what was commonly perceived as ‘proper’. The above steps are ‘proper’ according to our social psychology, oh and the bible of course. At least it used to be. Fast forward and few hundred years and you can pretty much mix and match the sequence as you see fit without having to worry about any particular social stigma, unless you’re religious; the bible tells us that sex before marriage is not only a sin against God but it’s a sin against mankind. This philosophy is true of most religious cultures where the corruption of purity and mo-
rality is still dealt the harshest of punishments, such as the rack of personal failure, the guillotine of social isolation and the drowning weight of shame, to name a few. This is somewhat ironic since some of the religious initiatives that purport to preserve purity have been accused of degrading it. This is true of the so called Purity Ring which is sold directly to adolescents or their parents as gifts to their adolescent children. The acceptance of the ring is accompanied by a vow of celibacy until marriage. However, some say that the vow may as well be to have a life of psychological disorders brought on from the pressure not to fail and the depression and anxiety brought on in the event of failure. Although what draws the greatest criticism is the idealistic belief that a ring and a vow is enough to avoid pregnancy and the spread of sexual diseases. Conversely, ‘the ring’, is believed to contribute to the increase in both. Whatever your opinion, the fact remains that, in the noughties, sex outside out of wedlock is pretty much the norm and that almost mythical virginal bride is slowly but surely becoming the stuff of fairytales. The ‘sacred feminine’ may have been persecuted centuries ago by the church but she came back and with a vengeance, cleverly exploiting that very thing that resides in every heterosexual male’s basic genetic programming; to pursue, to woo and to conquer, a woman’s sexuality not only to satisfy physical and emotional urges but to ensure the continued survival of the human race. This basic natural law has endowed woman, the so called weaker sex, with spellbinding power over man but only for as long as she keeps her sexuality, um, sacred. This is the very thing that for centuries has fed that old belief that if a man sleeps with multiple partners, he’s a stud (conquered many) but if a woman does then she’s ‘easy’ (allows herself to be conquered too easily). This power shift was and, for some, still is a sore point since sometimes, “a good reputation is all a woman has.” Perhaps but the power struggle continues with today’s young women seeking equality not only in the boardroom but in the arena of life. Man, the so called hunter has now become the hunted with unorthodox females adopting sexual guerrilla tactics to lure, seduce and consume their chosen mate, and this isn’t for life but for as long as it pleases them, often just one evening, one hour or even a few minutes. Gone is the old adage of love at first sight, this has now been replaced with sex at first sight. Compatibility with a mate is not assessed by personality, things in common, their star sign, finan-
a Different Angle Magazine - June 2009
cial status or even their blood group but on their willingness to have some fun. This ‘fun’ generally takes place at weekends and is often initiated or fuelled by alcohol. The same alcohol that the UK government has estimated costs the NHS £1.7 billion a year in hospital admissions with latest figures showing that there are over 57,000 NHS hospital admissions per year in England with a primary diagnosis specifically related to alcohol. This number has risen by 52% since 1996. What’s worse is that over 9% of these patients were under 18 years of age. It is believed that one of the reasons for this extraordinary increase is the fact that alcohol is now far cheaper than ever. In 2007, alcohol was actually 69% cheaper than it was in the 1980s (which is somewhat ironic considering the UK government’s perpetual tax increase on the product.)All of this is a far cry from chaperoned evenings for three, again, introduced to preserve the sanctity of a woman’s virginity until her wedding night, a concept that today is more commonly seen as romantic yet ‘unpractical’. We’re now able to ‘try before you buy’ most things, why not apply this principle to something as momentous as marriage? The answer is, we are and, more disturbingly, we’re also applying the same rule of a money back guarantee, in the form of a prenuptial agreement or lawsuit for the purpose of obtaining a ‘settlement’. The so called ‘institution’ of marriage has now become a commodity, an article, a possession that many are using for as long as is suits only to then claim a refund when it isn’t quite working the way it used to when it was first acquired. And why not, why persevere with something when, in true consumer fashion, getting a bargain on a divorce is so easy, with basic ‘divorce packages’ starting from as low as £25, all you need is the internet, a credit card and you’ll have that man (or woman)
washed right out of your hair in no time. The epitome of our fast moving, self serving world: “Why bother spending time trying to salvage your marriage when it in itself is a waste of time? Swap your current partner for one that makes you happy.” What? No time to go out on the prowl? No problem, with that trusty credit card and an internet connection, you can get 3 FREE months membership to one of the world’s leading dating agencies and you’ll be flirting in no time. What’s that? You don’t want to burn your bridges too soon. No problem, membership has its privileges, your account is discreet and password protected which means your husband or wife need never know what you’ve been up to so you can flirt until your heart’s content. Then, once you’ve met the new partner of your dreams and are feeling more confident, you can break the news to your spouse (and your children if you have any) that you’ve decided to move on. And don’t worry about that infamous social stigma, it’s a lot of hot air, UK online dating is as popular as ever with an estimated annual spend of £60m. So, bearing all that in mind, why bother getting married? What exactly is the benefit? It’s not spending time with the object of our affection because we’re already doing that, it’s not moving in with them because we’ve already done that, it’s not carnal pleasures because, well, we’ve all been doing that, so it must be having babies. Well, it’s not that either because more and more people are having babies regardless of their marital status, or age for that matter. “After all, when is a good time to have children?” This is a question I’ve personally heard several times. Well, I don’t know, let’s start with you being old enough not to have to wear a school uniform, then maybe having a job and some disposable
a Different Angle Magazine - March 2009
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income after paying your bills and you aren’t still living at home with your parents. I think that pretty much covers some of the basics. There is undoubtedly a growing and rather worrying apathetic approach to social responsibility, for some it’s due to the eternal struggle to make ends meet; no matter how hard your work, money never seems to be enough so some reach a stage where they give up; if money’s never enough then we may as well take the plunge and what will be will be. For others, those completely devoid of any self respect or morals, it’s the belief that the world (tax payers) actually owes them something combined with the fantasy that they’re rebelling against the system, against what is ‘socially acceptable’. So, by today’s standard, what is and what is not socially acceptable? Well, we conducted a basic online poll of 50 people of various ages, male and female, which may or may not be indicative of public opinion but is nonetheless interesting. We asked what they believe was indicative of today’s society, these are the results: Sex before marriage = 65% Sex after marriage 6%. Babies before marriage = 53% Babies after marriage = 12% Living together before marriage = 47% Living together after marriage 12%. When asked if they supported this new culture, 29% voted that they did versus 24% who voted they did not. If these alarming results are anything to go by then it’s clear; that institution known as marriage is slowly but surely dying (if not dead already) and many of us are quite happy with that. This is the message we’re sending to impressionable teenagers; marriage is just a very expensive excuse for a knees up with an equally expensive holiday thrown in for good measure, especially when considering how easy it is to get out of a difficult, angst packed youth and into your own home. Okay, there’s just the minor inconvenience of getting pregnant (is that really an inconvenience?) oh and living in a hostel to get yourself bumped up the council’s waiting list but the reward; your own abode with all expenses paid. It’s not all bad, it beats the stress of having to work all hours. And there’s no incentive to get out and actually earn a living because to do so would mean losing a raft of benefits. Most people on this type of benefit will tell you that they are often better off by claiming than working. It’s almost like being a ‘surrendered teen’ rather than a ‘surrendered wife’, you may have to adapt to living off the basics but you get a ready made home including a ‘husband’ and ‘child’. Skip your youth and go straight to family life but without the sacrifices. Now, how many people over the age of thirty reading this article had the luxury of adopting this strategy when they were a teenager? (or had the guts to)? The worse thing is most of these instant family recipes lack the basic ingredient for a successful home; life experience. Some are barely out of
school. And it’s getting worse. In 2007; there were over 40,000 conceptions in England involving females under the age of 18 with almost half leading to abortions. There were nearly 8,000 conceptions for females under the age of 16. Progress? The reality is that, like it or not, education starts at home. Good morals, a sense of self worth and a strong work ethic must be indoctrinated from an early age by parents, backed up by the education system and not vice versa. It’s this basic lack of foundation that is breeding (if you’ll excuse the pun) a new generation of apathetic, self indulgent, misguided and disillusioned civilians who, tragically, are setting the same standard for future generations. Thankfully, there are still some exception to this rule so please don’t write in. The question remains; what would we be as a race if we lacked any kind of moral structure? Marriage; the union between a man and a woman (or civil partnership) is the very fabric of our society), it’s the legal ceremony that holds us accountable to each other, a contract that literally states that through thick and thin you’re committed to take care of your partner. It’s where you say, okay, things aren’t always going to be perfect but that’s exactly why I took the time to get to know you, consider my finances to see if I can afford to move in and spend the rest of my life with you and, all being well, have own family. And if we don’t, well, at least we’ll still have each other. That’s why it all started in the first place, isn’t it? Moreover, there’s a common misconception that if you’ve lived with a partner for a couple of years that you get the same rights as a married couple, this is not true. The so called ‘common law’ marriage does not exist. Couples who live together have hardly any rights when compared to married couples, e.g. your partner doesn’t have to pay you any maintenance if you gave up your job to look after the children (although they would have to pay child support), if you live in a home that is rented by your partner and he or she asks you to leave or walks out, you’d have no automatic right to stay. This is also true if you live in a mortgaged home without any form of cohabiting agreement. Furthermore, your partner would have the right to walk away with any savings or possessions purchased by them. You’d only have rights over your things or items you co purchased. This is assuming you both agree to split these. Furthermore, should your partner die without a will, you’d have no entitlement to state bereavement benefit nor any pension based on their national insurance contributions but, most importantly, you’d have no rights to their estate; this would pass automatically to their immediate (or blood) family. I can confirm that there have been some suggestions but there are currently no plans to change the law nor, some would say, should there be if we want to preserve the importance of marriage. ■
a Different Angle Magazine - June 2009
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LIVING WITH THE DEVIL A true story of narcissism
t’s a sunny Sunday morning and the church is packed with worshipers, suddenly, out of a mysterious mist, the devil appears scaring off a panic stricken congregation. Within minutes, the church is empty but for one old man who remains in his seat, oblivious to what has just taken place. A perturbed Satan walks up to the old man and asks, “Do you know who I am?” “Yes,” replies the old man, “I know who you are. You’re the devil.” “Precisely, so, if I’m the devil, why aren’t you afraid of me?” The old man shrugs and says, apathetically, “Because I feel like I’ve been married to you for the l a s t t w e n t y y e a r s . ” We’ve all experienced bad relationships, and it doesn’t matter whether these are personal or professional, the net result is the same; emotional turmoil. I’m no exception. A few years ago, a personal six year relationship came to an abrupt and traumatic end. Like many, I didn’t take it well, I found it particularly difficult to understand why it had happened and “why, as human beings, we can be so loving yet hurtful to one another.” And thus, as a writer, I was inspired to work on a new, non fiction, project called ‘Coming Up for Air’ which had me spend the next year travelling, researching and talking to literally hundreds of people from all walks of life about their relationships. It was an amazing cathartic journey of planes, trains and automobiles. One week I was hanging out in Starbucks, Oklahoma and the other, I was interviewing U.S. Marines on a base in North Carolina. In fact, the project was endorsed by the Pentagon which meant that I was also granted unprecedented access to Air Force personnel on bases here in the UK; Lakenheath and Mildenhall. The interviews took place over a week and they started 06:00 and ended at 18:00 during which I heard many stories but none quite like the one I’m going to share with you. This story is so incredible that it actually dominates much of the manuscript. However, since I can only share a fraction of it, I’ve chosen the part that, in various degrees, affects many of us. Forty something Al is a Tech Sgt. In the U.S. Air Force and is one of the most affable people I met during the project. He’s handsome, deeply in love with his wife and totally devoted to her 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage. A real catch, some would say, so what’s the problem? Well, he’s wife was the devil, or at least her behaviour sometimes made her appear that way. There were unsustainable spending sprees, affairs, emotional blackmail, violent tantrums and bare-faced falsities, and that’s just to name a few. Yet, it took Al, a man of deep southern values, several years before he took drastic action. You may know the story of Narcissus; a character from Greek mythology who, after peering into a pool of water, fell madly in love with his own reflection. Obviously, his love was unrequited and Narcissus slowly pined away and perished, leaving behind only a flower bearing his name. NPD (Narcissistic
Personality Disorder) was first given credence in 1980. Those suffering from narcissism will often show signs of excessive or erotic interest in themselves. Does this sound like somebody you know or knew? I bet there are a few of you nodding your head right now. I believe that all of us have come into contact with a narcissist at one point or another in our lives, as I believe that we all have narcissistic traits, albeit, one would hope, in diluted form. So, what exactly is a narcissist and what’s it like to be around one? A narcissist believes he or she is a superior being, a unique individual who is equalled by none and revered by all, somebody with an over inflated sense of grandiosity who will exaggerate achievements and talents, who will be obsessed with fantasies of success, fame, omnipotence, and brilliance; the cerebral narcissist, and of beauty and sexual prowess; the somatic narcissist. A narcissist will speak just to hear the sound of his or her own voice and will believe that he or she should only be associated with or treated by other ‘special’ or high ranking individuals or institutions. They are egomaniacs, pathological liars, impostors; what they don’t know or haven’t experienced, they will invent. A narcissist is perfectly capable of looking you in the eye and swearing to something that is, often quite clearly, untrue. They will reassure you that they will not do something whilst at the same time plotting to do that very thing. Haughty and arrogant, they will be envious of others and often believe that most people feel the same way about them. They will demand immediate compliance with their requests, and will often explode into fits of rage and frustration if denied, contradicted or confronted. They require excessive adulation, admiration and affirmation, or failing that, they wish to be feared and or to be notorious; ‘narcissistic supply’. Generally speaking, to a narcissist, the people who surround them are judged by the effectiveness of their narcissistic supply. In return they will be devoid of empathy for others since their only priority is self preservation. A narcissist will do anything for his or her own gain and will generally not think twice about stepping on somebody to achieve their goal. They will select acquaintances based on status and their capability to enrich their way of life, be that in their professional careers or in their personal life. Luckily, there’s no evidence to suggest that the child of a narcissistic parent will develop the same illness. It does seem, however, that narcissists are often the result of an abusive childhood, in whichever form since doting and smothering a child can sometimes be just as abusive as beating or starving one. Either way, medical research clearly states that NPD is a personality disorder. As such, it can be the fruit of a myriad of cognitive, behavioural and emotive factors. All of this does beg the question: why would anybody want to be around somebody like that? Well, that is a good question but why do we put up with any of our partners who mistreat us? I guess it all comes back to those old chestnuts, settling and
rationalising. Many of us do this in our relationships, our partner may not be perfect but “treats me right” or “can be sweet sometimes when we’re alone.” I think those phrases pretty much speak for themselves. And some people are happy with that. And, to a degree, it’s understandable. I was talking to a policeman the other day and he was telling me about a domestic incident where a girl had quite clearly been physically abused by her boyfriend but when the police asked her to press charges, she chose to remain silent. The policeman couldn’t understand why anybody would want to protect someone who had hurt them in that way and, even worse, want to stay with them. Well, there are many reasons why, which would be a chapter in itself, but the bottom line is, our policeman wasn’t privy to all the intimate details of that particular relationship, he was only aware of one aspect. And whilst nobody deserves to be physically abused by their partner or anybody else for that matter, some rivers run deep. Al’s wife was diagnosed with narcissism in extremis by two of the psychiatrists that she had seen yet in true narcissistic style, and not unlike many sick individuals, she refused to acknowledge her condition. And indeed, so did Al. When he researched narcissism, he was horrified by how many of the symptoms matched his wife’s behaviour. Yet despite this, he refused to believe that anybody could be that bad. Furthermore, he began to believe that he was using what he had learned as an excuse to leave his wife and not accept the responsibility that maybe he played some part in her perpetual state of discontent (that’s true southern values for you). And so he told himself that if he and his wife were to work it out, she would need his help this is despite the fact that everything he read on the subject pointed to one outcome: “narcissists are the type of individuals you should have nothing more but an acquaintance-type relationship with” yet he couldn’t be without his family, more specifically his children. He stuck with it, drifting through the days, adapting and modifying his behaviour in the hope that he would finally find a combination that would please his wife. The reality is that to co-exist with a narcissist, you’d have to never disagree nor contradict, consistently look awed by whatever attribute mattered to them, be that professional or personal, never remind them that there is a real world out there where they are just beings among many, never make any comment that might directly affect their self image, omnipotence, judgement or skills. You’d have to avoid sentences like, “I don’t think you should….” “We cannot…” “You made a mistake….” Never apply any kind of restrictions on the narcissist’s freedom and never refer to yourself in the first person; narcissists regard others as an extension of them. Listen attentively, even if you know what you are hearing is utter nonsense, be endlessly patient, accommodating, never yell back, and completely unemotional. The list goes on but I think you get the point. Can you really change that? Or fix it for that matter. It seems to me that that is exactly what Al tried to do. But he was deluding himself. Narcissists are among some of the most complex characters to treat, simply because of that over inflated opinion of themselves. They truly believe that nobody is
qualified enough to treat them. A narcissist could sit in front of one of the world’s most eminent doctors and still believe that he or she was not worthy. They are most likely to sit and nod politely whilst processing thoughts such as, “What does he know? What are his credentials? What makes him think he can treat someone as intellectual and complex as me?” and so forth. So, the session is pretty much a non starter. Because, as we all know, one of the basic rules of therapy is that of acknowledgement. “My name is… and I am an alcoholic.” You will rarely hear a narcissist tell you his name and admit to being a narcissist. Simply because he can’t; in his mind, there is nothing wrong with him. So, does this mean that narcissists should be written off as ‘damaged’ creatures? Maybe brand them with some kind of tattoo on their forehead warning that they should not be approached under any circumstance. Well, those who have been unfortunate enough to have experienced a relationship with a narcissist will probably scream for immediate legislation. Others, perhaps the most rational among us, would advise to seek nothing more but a platonic-type relationship to avoid being sucked dry by the endless demand for ‘narcissistic supply’. Despite this, there are some, the few, easily mistaken for masochists, who know full well the traits of their significant others yet choose to stay or even more incredibly delude themselves that they might be able to change them. Serial adulterers, gamblers, etcetera. We all enjoy a challenge, and what better accolade, what better proof of devotion than to know that your partner changed a life long habit just for you? Narcissists cannot be changed. That is why after approximately seven years of marriage and trying, Al finally came to the conclusion that things simply were not working and he suggested a trial separation to his wife who was, not surprisingly, enraged. How could he possibly ask her to leave her home? She even called his mother, “Do you know what your sorry ass, b***ard of a son asked me to do today?”It was one of the most difficult decisions of his life yet, like many of us, there comes a point where we simply are unable to cope any longer. We will go through so much and then, like some kind of a circuit, a switch is thrown and we are emotionally shut down. It is in this condition that, as human beings, we’re able to deal with the unthinkable. In this case, it was divorce. The day was a blur for Al who was emotionally drained by the whole experience. To him, it seemed to take the judge minutes to approve the dissolution of what appeared to be a lifetime’s commitment for him. Yet he didn’t feel anything. Nothing like the way he thought he would and somehow, in some kind of perverse way, he started to believe there might be something wrong with him. How could he possibly not feel? Was it his fault that it had come to this? It wasn’t. Al was just grieving for the impossible. The reality was that, as a ‘fixer’, he had always tried to fix that which brought his wife misery but that day he had to finally come to the conclusion that sometimes, not matter how much you try, some things simply cannot and will not be fixed. ■
If a picture speaks a thousand words. What message is the Japanese UnderNews Clips & Pictures from around the world ground trying to o n v e y ? Swimmer Trapped by Beach Balls c(Answers below) A man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deckchair and found his testicles First divorce related to 9/11 had become stuck between two The first divorce directly related to the Septemslats of wood. Mario Visnjic had ber 11th terrorist attacks was filed in New York. It appears a man with an office on the 103rd been swimming naked off Valalta floor of the World Trade Centre spent the mornbeach in Croatia and his testicles ing at his lover’s house with his phone switched had shrunk in the cool sea. When off. Naturally, he wasn’t watching TV either. he sat down they slipped through However, when he the slats and then, as he lay in the sun, expanded back to turned his phone back normal size. He was freed after he called beach mainte- on at about 11am, it nance services on his mobile phone and they sent a mem- rang immediately. It was his hysterical ber of staff to cut the deckchair in half.■ wife, “Are you OK? Where are you?” He What’s in a name? said, “What do you mean? I’m in the office of British tourists have left course!” ■
residents of a charming Austrian village fuming by constantly stealing signs for their oddly named village. Whilst British visitors are finding it hilarious, local residents of F**king, a 32 house village near Salzburg, are failing to see the funny side and are fighting back by setting signs in concrete. Police Kommandant Schmidtberger says they are on the lookout. “We will not stand for the F**king signs being removed,” he said. “It may be very amusing for you British but F**king is F**king to us. What is this big F**king joke?” Local tourist guide, Andreas Rehmueller, said it’s only the British that had a fixation with F**king. The Germans want to see Mozart house, the American’s seem to care only about The Sound of Music (1955 film shot around Salzburg), the Japanese want to see Hitler’s birth place but for the British it’s all about F**king!” Guesthouse Manager, Augustina Lindlbauer described the village’s breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas . “Yet still is this obsession with F**king. This morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no F**king postcards!” ■
Don’t mess with a Marine This is a portion of a radio interview between a FEMALE reporter and US Marine Corps General on sponsoring a Boy Scout troop visiting his military installation. INTERVIEWER: So. General Reinweld, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? G E NERAL: We’re going to teach them climbing. canoeing, archery, and shooting. INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible. isn’t It? GENERAL: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range. INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this Is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL: I don’t see how. We’ll be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL: Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended.■
Japanese Signs: a) person with injured arm b) person holding child c) pregnant woman d) person with injured leg.
‘Interesting’ Facts 1. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihista mine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
2. A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Thus the saying, “I’ll be there in a jiffy..” 3. Children grow faster in the springtime than any other season during the year. 4. UK pig farmers are required, by law, to provide toys for their pigs. 5. In France, it’s legal to marry a dead person whilst in India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog. 6. Apple seeds are poisonous; they produce cyanide. 7. In Holland, you can be fined for not using a shopping basket in a grocery store. 8. Frozen lobsters can come back to life when thawed! 9. A McDonald's salad contains more fat than one of its burgers. 10. Only one other book has been distributed more than the bible; the IKEA catalogue.
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Wish you were here? Cinema Vouchers!
a Different Angle Magazine - June 2009
We’ve been implementing business software solutions for over 20 years, which means we have a lot of experience, and we’re happy to share this with you, for free. To speak with one of our Business Analysts or to arrange a no-obligation meeting, call 0845 257 6001 or email email@example.com
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