Blossom Zine for Glasgow Women's Aid

Special thanks to Glasgow Women’s Aid for your important mission in supporting victims of domestic abuse, to all of our contributors for sharing their stories and inspiring with their art, to Agnieszka Ledzińska and Millenium Gallery, to Flora Gray and New Glasgow Society, to our publisher - Gladstone Media, to Glasgow University Charity Fashion Show team for promoting helping charities in a creative way and inspiring us to come forward with this project, to our friends and family for irreplaceable support, and to You, for donating to Glasgow Women’s Aid by buying a copy of BLOSSOM zine.

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Editors’ Letter BLOSSOM is a concept zine fundraising money

for Glasgow Women’s Aid – a charity organization which has been supporting victims of domestic abuse for over 35 years. It is a collaborative work of different artists contributing for one cause.

BLOSSOM

is focusing on female empowerment, breaking stereotypes of masculinity and femininity and rising awareness on the issue of abuse.

With embracing the strength of women, even in face of adversity, we resonate with Glasgow Women’s Aid’s work. This does not exclude those who identify as agender, bigender, cisgender, gender fluid, non-binary or transsexual, as we each experience our own individual struggles in this world fraught with violence. However, this world is also full of love, tolerance, and hope. And it is through this lens that we created BLOSSOM, a celebration of people’s fortitude, their ability to thrive and grow even in times of woe.

MARIA JELEŃSKA & LARA DELMAGE

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Contents Interview with Susan Jack by MARIA JELEŃSKA & LARA DELMAGE............................................04 Black Sheep by DAVID MORLEY............................................................................................................................07 They Think They Are Playing With Dolls by ISABELLE HUNT-DEOL.............................................. 08 Hoping for a Daylight Soon by UDITA CHOUDHARY.................................................................................09 セルフケア&ラブ (Self-Care n Love) by JULIA JACOBSEN.....................................................................10 Nonnet for love/Friend ship by SOPHIE WILBRAHAM.................................................................................11 Don’t Walk Alone at Night by LUCY MCLAUGHLIN....................................................................................12 In Bloom / Spectrum of Love by MARIA JASZCZUROWSKA....................................................................14 Challenge Your Expecations by ELLIE BRASSFORD......................................................................................16 Lost in Becoming by CAIN MCKENDRY.............................................................................................................18 In Full Bloom by ALMA FIALA..............................................................................................................................19 In Bloom by MELI VASILOUDES BAYADA.......................................................................................................20 Venetian by FLORENCE BRIDGMAN...................................................................................................................21 What Can A Survivor Look Like by ANNIE BIRD........................................................................................22 Frozen Again by ANNIE CATRIONA LANE......................................................................................................23 Psoriasis Song by LYNSAY HOLMES....................................................................................................................24 Objectify by LARA DELMAGE................................................................................................................................26 Did They Really Live Happily Ever After? by MARIA JELEŃSKA........................................................29 I Am Powerful Loved Whole by CHRIS TIMMINS........................................................................................32 A Reminder To Take Care Of Yourself by ALMA FIALA........................................................................... 33

BLOSSOM Team Editors-in-Chief & Creative Direction Maria Jeleńska & Lara Delmage Graphic Design Zachariasz Czerwiński Contributors (See back cover)

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Some things get better; some things get worse.

It’s not going away.

Interview with

Susan Jack from

Glasgow Women’s Aid

interviewed by LARA DELMAGE and MARIA JELEŃSKA

W

e spoke with Susan Jack, a remarkable woman who has been working for Glasgow Women’s Aid for 17 years as a training and development specialist. She details how the charity supports women and children who have suffered from domestic abuse, and we talk about the measures that could be taken in order to prevent abuse from happening in the future – an idea that isn’t readily explored as an option. Words she used over and over again during the course of the interview were ‘horrible’, ‘terrible’ and ‘shocking’. This was especially in regard to the disturbingly commonplace nature of sexual harassment that is a global problem; around 1 in 3 women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual abuse in their lifetime. In our lifetime.

Lara Delmage: For those who don’t know – what is Glasgow Women’s Aid? Susan Jack: Glasgow Women’s Aid is a feminist organisation that provides information, support and temporary refuge accommodation for people experiencing domestic abuse. Within refuge there’s support for women and separate support for children and young people. We provide guidance for women who are moving on from refuge and there’s also outreach for those who aren’t in refuge. So there’s quite a range of different support here.

LD: I can imagine not everyone would like to go into refuge.

SJ: When the organisation started in 1973, the volunteers focussed on refuge accommodation.

The more they worked with women, the more they realised that what they usually most wanted was somebody they could come and speak to; somebody who would listen to them and believe them. That is a huge part of what we do. Where you are just now is our public access office, and this is generally where women first come into contact with the service.

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Maria Jeleńska: People often equate domestic abuse with physical violence, and you’ve mentioned before that this is just the top of the iceberg.

SJ: Until approximately in the 90s the focus was very much on physical abuse. They used to talk about ‘battered wives’ and now nobody uses that terminology anymore. From then onwards there has been much more recognition of emotional and psychological abuse and the really significant impact it has. Women will very commonly tell you that what really causes the long-term damage is name calling, criticism, intimidation.

However, women will still use physical abuse as a bit of a benchmark, they’ll tell you the range of things that they’re living with, and then they’ll say ‘he’s never actually hit me though’. So I think that people still unfortunately have the idea that unless you’re being hit, is it abuse? And again, if somebody hits you, you know that they shouldn’t be doing it. Whereas other kinds of abuse are far subtler and quite insidious. People can be living with abuse and not even know it. The new legislation has very much put the focus on emotional and psychological abuse, which is a recognition of the significant damage that it can cause to the victims.

MJ: Are there problems with giving evidence for psychological and emotional abuse?

nography puts on boys and girls feeds into their own intimate relationships. These are real negatives.

SJ: Absolutely. The criminal justice system, in my opinion, does not serve the needs of the victims very well. And again, that is why we need to raise people’s awareness. If workers are aware of the nature of emotional and psychological abuse, they’d be more likely to pick up on it and document it. That’s were evidence could actually be found. Fortunately, the Police now organise trainings on coercive control, so the investigation can be more appropriate.

“In the UK, two women a week are murdered by their partner or ex-partner.”

MJ: Your experience shows that for the victims it takes already enormous strength to leave the abuser, and then even more to actually stay away from them. How long can this process take?

SJ: It can take years for women to come here, and also then they’re unlikely to leave their abuser immediately. Women will very often gather bits of information so they know what their options are. Very rarely women will leave and not go back to the perpetrator, and there are a whole range of valid reasons for that. Most importantly, it is difficult to switch off your emotions towards the person. Statistically, abuse usually starts after many years of the relationship. By that time, victims are already emotionally invested; sharing home and having children makes it very challenging to leave. Not everybody has family or friends who are able to accommodate them.

LD: Do you think a lot of women and girls don’t realise they are being abused?

SJ: Oh absolutely. I really think that if we’re ever going to try and deal with abuse effectively, we need to work with people from a young age, teaching them how to respect each other in relationships. That’s the only way you can try to stop it – and even that isn’t going to eradicate it. However, schools usually have problems with funding that kind of thing. Also, I do think the way girls and women are sexualised and the pressure that por-

Extract from poster made by survivors of abuse at GWA’s quarters / photo Maria Jeleńska

LD: And with porn being your first experience of sex, especially really rough porn – can only build misconceptions and mistreatment of women and men in sex.

SJ: Yes! How does that impact you in your intimate relationships? How does it impact the women, or other men that you’re engaging with?

I think it should be in some way regulated. I know now that they are looking at ways to try and do that, but the porn industry makes so much money. Nobody’s being a prude about sex. If people enjoy having consensual sex in a way that seems violent to others, it’s fine! But a lot of the focus in pornography seems to be about male pleasure, it can be very rough. Young men are engaging with that material at a very young age. There’s also a growing trend of women dying during sex. In the UK, two women a week (!) are murdered by their partner or ex-partner. This is shocking and completely unacceptable. Some of the cases may be coming from violent pornography. I remember watching feminist porn, and it’s completely different. You should have a look!

“The question of ‘where do I go?’ can be a huge barrier.”

MJ: On the other hand, how can we look at the problem from a male perspective?

SD: I don’t think we do boys a lot of favours in 5

the way that they’re socialised. It’s all: “don’t cry”, “don’t show your emotions”, “you’ve got to be tough”. Again, you’ve got such a high rate of suicide among young men; the expectations and pressures embedded in boys from young age, widely described as toxic masculinity, is one of the reasons. We annually will do a seminar with social work students at the Caledonian University, and last year this young man bravely said “I’ve got great friends, but sometimes when we’re out somebody will make a rape joke. This makes me really uncomfortable but I don’t feel able to challenge it.” I can understand that, but if he did challenge it what he’d probably find is quite a lot of his other friends are uncomfortable too. I do understand that it’s hard for men too.

because we just don’t have the resources.

MJ: How do children respond to being in refuge?

SJ: Coming into refuge is hard for anyone. However, our specialists will focus on organising a time here to be positive. The children’s team is incredibly dedicated, and it is fabulous to see people really progressing and moving on to a better place.

Some children might need to move school, which is a massive life change for them, but sometimes that’s the safer thing to do because the perpetrator would know their previous school.

“People can be living with abuse and not even know it.”

LD: Is victim blaming still common?

SJ: Yes. When it comes to abuse, it’s usually the women who have to leave, not their perpetrators.

If you think about it – why? But that’s just a given.

And I know that it’s been highlighted that there has been a number of sexual assaults around the University, and the discourse has been all addressed to the possible victims: “women take care”. We’re always the ones who have to protect ourselves, cover ourselves up and keep our heads down so that we don’t attract attention.

Extract from poster made by survivors of abuse at GWA’s quarters / photo Maria Jeleńska

MJ: What are the most common mental health implications of being abused, and are victims getting proper mental support?

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SJ: You should be angry about it! See if you asked a room of about 100 women if anything like that had happened to them, most of them would say yes because it’s so common, we’ve all had these experiences. Oh, you need to get angry!

Susan Jack / photo Maria Jeleńska

SJ: Anxiety and depression. They’re more likely to self-harm, attempt suicide and develop drug, alcohol or other kinds of addiction. Becoming an addict happens for a reason and experiencing domestic abuse can be one of them. Mental health services throughout the whole country are experiencing severe resource shortages. One can wait months to see a psychologist and it’s shocking. What is promising is that young people are more willing to talk about mental health now.

However, schools might have one counsellor which is not enough. The CAMHS team (child and adolescent mental health services) entry level for support is far higher than it should be. A lot of people are suffering and not getting any help, which is a real failure on the part of the government. Even at Rape Crisis, if one wants support – ongoing support – there will be a waiting list. It’s the same for our service. It’s not that long, but you’ll still wait,

MJ: Me and my girlfriends would tell each other to be safe just before we go to the library around 6 pm, when it’s already getting dark. It is wrong on so many levels.

Black Sheep / David Morley / comic

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They Think They Are Playing With Dolls / Isabelle Hunt-Deol / photo

a Hoping for daylight soon words UDITA CHOUDHARY

(sensitive content warning)

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ndia with its diverse culture and long-standing tradition has surely acquired everyone’s attention around the world. With its growing population, it has developed drastically in the past few decades. However, what people usually fail to realise is not every development comes in the form of technology, science or research. Despite these “developments”, one can ask the question of whether Indian society has really advanced? Have the people forgotten the traditional norms? The answer in regard to the treatment of women is sadly, no.

The patriarchal society in India has allowed women to be the inferior gender, which has led to a lot of issues in the country. From the day a girl is born families consider it to be a sin! In some small parts of the country as soon as the family, or in this case small tribes, discover that a girl was born when they only needed a boy, they often together make the brutal decision to kill her then and there. Even if she manages to survive, she doesn’t get to live in peace. Statistically, it has been proven that a girl is raped every hour in India. If you go talk to people as to what they think about this situation, I am sure some of them would answer with “the girl was showing too much skin”.

“Even if she manages to survive, she doesn’t get to live in peace.”

Being an Indian myself, I am scared to walk home alone, not just at night, but at any hour of the day. Since the day a girl is born, she is told to live in a certain way, to come home early, to not party all night. Nobody questions the boys. I ask myself why don’t parents, instead of telling their daughters to be safe, tell their sons to respect girls? Why aren’t these boys held accountable for their actions? Why is the justice system in my country so oblivious that even if the rapists are reported and caught, they can easily get away with it? Every now and then people will come to the streets to march and protest but it makes little difference.

The major problem is how many do not consider this abuse of women to be a “serious issue”, from politicians to big business tycoons. It hurts me to think about those people who lose their daughters, wives and girlfriends because rapists are so inhumane that sometimes they kill the girl after they rape her. Recently, a girl aged 26 was going back home from work. She was not partying or scantily dressed, she followed all the stupid societal rules but still was gang raped. After raping her they burned her alive.

With the blooming population of 1.4 billion people, the country has failed as a society in regard to preserving the safety of women. The government should make the justice system way stricter, and corruption should not get in the way of giving justice to these girls. Uneducated politicians do not deserve to even be nominated. It is high time that the society changes not just for few days, but forever, so that girls in our next generation can at least try to start saying “I am not scared of them”.

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TRANSLATION: It’s important to cry; Face masks make you feel pretty; Ooh, feels good; Is the next week going to be the same as this week?

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セルフケア&ラブ (Self-Care n Love) / Julia Jacobsen / illustration

nonnet for helplessness just above her; far lower than them. tending distance clinched with a pang; we hover to hold hot pain. chests pressed on backs: hands hooked. push to shut rot out. how: distraction. temporary space.

friend ship shiny open arms scream together and adore ability unmatched to celebrate-and-promote-and-move meant with each word and more they hold you from under standing vivid in the open in all colours and mud dull the sickness and mend with a hug.

words SOPHIE WILBRAHAM

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Don’t walk (sensitive content warning)

Don’t walk home alone when its dark.

Never wear both headphones.

Have your keys between your fingers.

No ponytails – they’re easy to grab.

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f you identify as female or any minority gender, then you are more than likely to have had these phrases drummed into you from an alarmingly young age.

These commonly heard demands consciously teach us that it is we who are responsible for protecting ourselves from gender-based violence. Not only does this problematically alleviate responsibility from attackers, it also subconsciously enforces the notion that the survivor is at fault for not providing adequate deterrents for the attacker. Essentially, I’m trying to express how asking members of marginalised genders to look after their own safety can dangerously spiral into victim shaming and rape culture more broadly.

Victim shaming due to clothing is something I have always been aware of. The idea that women provoke men to act wickedly through their appearance is one which has been around for centuries – also commonly known as the femme-fatale figure. There are countless problems with this cultural stereotype, including the fact it once again shifts the blame onto the woman and away from the attacker. The notion that those of marginalised gender can’t freely express themselves sexually without opening themselves up to be attacked is frankly oppressive and horrific. Within the context of sexual violence, this idea of the provocateur is also entirely a myth, as many survivors of sexual violence are attacked regardless of their clothes and behaviour. The exhibition in Brussels which displayed the clothes survivors wore during sexual attacks does an overt but truthful job in conveying this point. The harrowing exhibition displayed pyjamas, gym kits, hoodies and jeans. There was a distinct lack of what people would consider ‘desirable’ clothing dispels this persistent illusion that survivors are partially responsible for the sexual aggression against them. Ultimately, these rules we are suffocated with can then be arbitrary.

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According to the Recorded Crime in Scotland reports, 2255 sexual assaults were reported with a grossly miniscule 107 cases ending in convictions. This doesn’t even include the numerous sexual assaults which go unreported. So why are there no convictions and why do people choose not to report these attacks? Survivors are called survivors for a reason, and it is entirely their own choice as to how they choose to proceed with legal matters. Let me put it this way, after the trauma of sexual assault, would you choose to go into a legal battle where your clothes, text messages and past relationships were analysed and torn to shreds to make your attacker appear innocent? For many, legally reporting sexual assault and gender-based violence more widely prolongs the trauma of the initial assault.

alone at night Rather than asking the survivor an overwhelming series of questions to ascertain how well they fulfilled these deterrents, maybe we should be asking the attackers a simpler question – a question of consent. Despite what the legal systems and media may lead you to believe, it is a straightforward question with only two answers. This, and the basic rights women have stripped away to protect themselves have spurred on a series of powerful protests. The most recent of these would be the Fight for the Night organised by the Strathclyde Students’ Union. On the night of November 29th, people took to the streets to show solidarity with survivors of sexual assault and protest the stigma surrounding it – the stigma which stems from making survivors responsible for their own safety. The march beautifully emphasised that we who identify as women, trans, non-binary and present as female should not have to fear dark streets in the way so many of us do.

“According to the Recorded Crime in Scotland reports, 2255 sexual assaults were reported with a grossly miniscule 107 cases ending in convictions. This doesn’t even include the numerous sexual assaults which go unreported.”

Survivors of any gender-based violence show a resilience and strength like no other. These people need to be heard and supported, not made into stigmatized narratives and the posterchildren for what to avoid. By uplifting these courageous members of our community, we present a united front – arguably a much better deterrent for sexual violence that taking out an earphone. Ultimately, we are being told to take micro actions at an individual level when it is clearly macro action we need. It is time to subvert the notion that our bodies do not belong to us, but the shame and responsibility attached to gender-based violence does. We need to reclaim our right to safety and reject the idea that safety is earned through correct behaviour. It is not our duty to deter aggressors, but it is our duty to continue fighting to make the night a safe space for us all.

words LUCY MCLAUGHLIN 13

In Bloom ↓ Spectrum of Love ↑

photos MARIA JASZCZUROWSKA model MARIA JELEŃSKA

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Not all flowers are delicate, dainty or female.

The Sedum plant can survive in temperatures under -25°C and over 40°C. It can store water within its leaves.

They can modify their own metabolism; during the night they can convert carbon dioxide into malic acid, needed for photosynthesis during the day.

Nasturtium are easy and fast to grow, with appealing colourful yellow, red and orange flowers.

Their name is latin for ’nose twister’, referring to the reaction people have when eating them! They are popular to add onto dishes because of their peppery taste.

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words and illustrations ELLIE BASSFORD

The Hazel can bear fruit even after 50 years.

The plant has monoecious flowers (individually male and female flowers). Male flowers present as catkins, female flowers are tiny reddish buds.

One of the oldest living species of Rose is believed to be over a 1,000 years old.

Roses, like many other well known flowers, contain both female and male parts within their flowers, but need other plants for pollination.

It is one of the only flowers mentioned in the bible.

The lilac belongs to the olive family (Oleaceae).

There are over a 1,000 varieties, and some breeds can survive even temperatures of under -60°F. The tree lilac ’Syringe Reticulata’ can grow up to 25 feet tall.

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LOST IN BECOMING

I come I want from the churning the cold and dewy depths. / I will burst fo grass to tickle my ey rth from the calm seas elids, / and mingle wi / alive. / I breathe, and th my eyelashes. / I wi the dark earth cannot s ll turn and scream / to wallow me in his gritty the skies above in / jaws. / Finally, ecstasies that

I am bec

oming.

For

too

long

have

I lain

dorm

ant. /

I mu

st bl

oss

om.

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words CAIN MCKENDRY

In Full Bloom / Alma Fiala / paper collage

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in bloom

words MELI VASILOUDES BAYADA

i don’t know why i keep chipping away at my skin maybe it’s the idea of dead patches of skin clinging to me or my fingers travelling over the bumps a ridge of mountains across my body but i don’t know why i keep peeling of my scabs my body is not earth flowers will not bloom from the holes in the soil no matter how many times i dig them in my body is not the earth but i think if i disturb the soil enough eventually the holes will fill up when the dirt settles my body is not the earth but if i leave the holes alone long enough the seeds might start to germinate and eventually flowers will bloom their roots growing over marks and scars a new web of growth and when the flowers fall on my skin i won’t scratch them away this time 20

Venetian / Florence Bridgman / photo

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What a Survivor Can Look Like / Annie Bird / illustration

(sensitive content warning)

frozen again

words ANNIE CATRIONA LANE

Frozen again, unsure of why, unsure of how Noises around me are getting louder, yet my voice keeps getting quieter Stop panicking, pull yourself together, you are too much for people, Try to not shake, not to cry, not to go silent , You need to leave, people will worry if this keeps happening, you know they talk about you, You are overbearing, it’s wearing them down, it’s certainly wearing you down, But you don’t think about you, how you feel is irrelevant, if you remember, it becomes real, You don’t want that, you don’t need that, it won’t help So you leave, you start missing things, tell them you’re sick again, You don’t need to speak about it anymore, you dealt with it then, you talked about it at the time, No need to bring it up now, no need to think about it, it’s over and done with, So why is that feeling still here, why do you flinch when a stranger touches you, why does your body still ache, It’s been over a year, but you’re still haunted in your sleep, in your nightmares, That face, that voice, that pain, But it stays inside of you, until you drink, it pours out of you then, You don’t remember those conversations, but your friends do, they can’t forget them, They say you have to see someone, a professional, talk to someone, You will if it ever gets too bad you say, but it is already, they know it even if you don’t, You make the decision, you have to see someone, you can’t go on like this, You know they’re right, this isn’t healthy, it isn’t you, But it takes a while for that first meeting, you start to feel like you’re losing mind, Terrified of opening up, of being honest, not just to them but to yourself, The first time is scary, you can’t even look at her, shuddering every time you speak, But it gets easier to go, it seems you might be getting somewhere, you share more each time, But then you make mistakes not in the chair, but in real life, do things you thought you could never do, You beat yourself up, this isn’t you, but maybe it is maybe you’re not a good person, You can’t bear to look at yourself, can’t bear to have people tell you you’re not a bad person, you are convinced you are, But when you talk to her, she helps, let’s you know this is normal, You’re digging up things you had made yourself forget, it’s making you fragile, act out, it won’t always be like this, it will get easier, but you still don’t know if it can But weeks later you can feel it happening, you feel like yourself more, not as scared, You can laugh again, smile again, feel again, You can be around people again and feel happy, not always on edge, comfortable in yourself, You have a voice again, if the man in the club touches you, you can say no, You don’t always freeze, don’t always shake, don’t always cry, You feel like you’re coming back, you feel capable again, brave again, You still have those bad night sometimes, still freeze sometimes, still cry, But you know that doesn’t mean you’re not brave, you just need time, Things can’t unhappen, but they don’t define you, you define you, You went through something terrible, someone raped you, sadly too many women go through this, But you are brave, it is him that is weak, you have strength You’ll have setbacks, but that’s okay, they won’t last forever, You still sometimes freeze, but you are sure of why, and sure of how

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All over my head and splashed across my body white and red Scales that grow too fast now shed to the past With moisturisers galore and cups of turmeric to pour Bath salts make me sore

Feel this scale My body braille Beautiful (text)ure Singing to myself I am beautiful

Feel this scale My body braille Beautiful (text)ure Singing to myself I am beautiful

words and picture LYNSAY HOLMES

A covered canvas always fully clothed Not being inscribed on by life because of the marks already on me

Psoriasis Song

Psoriasis is an autoimmune disease which affects the skin.

It is characterised by patches of red inflammation with white flakes, known as plaques or “scales” on the skin. Guttate Psoriasis is a strain of the condition where the term "guttate" (Latin for “drop”) is used to describe the drop-like appearance of skin lesions. As well as somatic, psoriasis can have deep socio-psychological effects on a person; often resulting in low self-esteem. For some, it can treated by the application of steroid creams to the body. There are also other alternative methods, such as light and sound therapy to cure the condition. “Binaural beat therapy” is a form of sound wave therapy where transmissions of healing sound energy are used to treat psoriasis. It is believed certain frequencies can heal the cells.

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Read me gently Let your hands caress soft the skin I’m in

Feel this scale My body braille Beautiful (text)ure Singing to myself I am beautiful

Read me a narrative Inflamed

I’m seeing sense in my skin

Steroid painting before bed self-love’s whispers said: I have psoriasis Read me as I should be read

Feel this scale My body braille Beautiful (text)ure Singing to myself I am beautiful

with steroid preparation before sex and swimming pools Days before, the ritual must begin it rules

I’m scared that if I Take off my clothes You will see me

inconvenienced and ashamed

Objectify words and illustration LARA DELMAGE

I object I, object

T

I object!

ry walking a day in my shoes they say all sassy, the way they always do from way up there, 6 inches taller than they’re meant to be. As if I’d ever fit love, your feet are fucking bigger than mine. The man in black leather brogues spits on my face, the warm white bubbly liquid seeping stickily onto their toes. Well you know what they say about small ass feet don’t you, cunt. MARTIN! He lumbers over, heavy in his big black Timberlands with the steel caps added in special. Those caps have seen things - some shoes I really would not like to walk in. This guy troublin’ you? What do you think! The man in the brogues says nothing in the face of the timberland giant, his momentary bravado diminished in 5 steel-capped paces.

We walk to the bar where, balancing on my left self she un-stuffs her feet from my right self, flinging me patent and scuffed to the floor. Alright, love? Bad business tonight? Tell me about it. These guys come in here and they want a piece of me, they want me, but they’re not willing to pay. They get all huffy and embarrassed that they wanted me in the first place. I’ll tell you what, I’ll give ya a shot of Sambuca on the house, don’t let that asshole manager Jimi see, then it’s back to work yeah? Big toe sticking through the (bigger) hole in their red rhinestone fishnets, they deftly slip my self back on, tentatively this time, as if nothing had happened, even stopping to use a damp napkin to clean off the dried spit and elevate me back to my original pvc glory.

I object I, object I object!

I’ve been sitting chillin’ at the back of this dark as fuck drawer for about three months now, what is up with that? I got the look, the lace, the cut, what’s wrong with me? Those smug Primark – or primarché – Calvin Klein knock offs are always coming and fucking going. When will I get a ride? Why the hell she buy me if she don’t wanna rock me? Maybe today will be my day, it looks like it’s only my fine self and Bridget in here, and lord knows those hunnies are only comin’ out once a month if you know what I mean. Is that a crack o’ light I see? I hope to God or whoever I’m supposed to hope to that she cuts my tag off instead of pulling it off like a fucking maniac, like she did to poor Fernanda. Oh hey girl you looking fresh today, you servin’ me that hot jus outta the shower like a goddamn snack look, you feel me? Fuck why do I even bother talking to her, she never listens. What she doin’ rummaging around for? There’s no one else here, well, apart from Bridge… Oh lord. Oh lord. She got me! She got me! This my time, see ya later Bridget baby I’m goin on my first rodeo.

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[15 hours later] Where the hell am I? In some goddamn foul ass smellin’ laundry bag? I heard ‘bout this place. But where is everyone? She musta jus’ done a wash. I mean, you’d think that after havin’ me all up in her pussy and ass all goddamn day and all goddamn night that she’d have the decency to provide me with a little company in this shit hole. No the pun aint intended and it aint. Fuckin’. Funny.

I object I, object I object!

I like to think of myself in the third person. That sentence was rife with paradox [par-uh-doks] absurdity ambiguity anomaly enigma inconsistency mystery oddity oxymoron catch contradiction. … likes to think of …self in third person. No, that’s not quite right [rahyt] appropriate good honest honorable legitimate proper suitable either, it’s more like … likes to think of … self in third … Right? But then again it’s not … job to define [dih-fahyn] characterize construe decide delineate. This is … catch 22. … purpose is to provide more words, more words that mean the same [seym] adj. unchanging constant invariable uniform changeless thing, not exemplify explain illustrate. So many words and yet who am …, surely … can’t be just reference book glossary lexicon onomasticon terminology. But search any pronoun you won’t find [the-sawr-uh s]. Only he [hee; unstressed ee] boy father guy Mr. brother fellow gent and she [shee] daughter girl mother wife aunt gentlewoman girlfriend you get the gist. What about thesaurusself? No results. Did you mean: thesauruses/ More suggestions: thesaurus has oneself throws oneself sure oneself throws off. What about third person could … be under third person? No results. Did you mean: this person. More suggestions: hit person doorperson top person head person waitperson madperson star person good person.

I object I, object I object!

One eye cannot see A cannon that does not fire Water has no smell 目が見えない 火のない大砲 無臭の水

(Me ga mienai) (Hi no nai taihō) (Mushū no mizu)

Invisible Cannon without fire Odourless water

I object I, object I object!

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“And on your left here, you’ll see Manet’s masterpiece, although it wasn’t considered as such by the Salon at the time. Although the painting was exhibited at the 1865 Paris Salon, it was met with distaste by the gentry in attendance. One reason for this is her direct gaze. Female nudes were usually portrayed gazing into the distance, whereas here she has agency over the gaze, and looks right out to the viewer with an air of confrontation.”

Gaze this, gaze that bla bla bla. “Manet’s Masterpiece” eh? So what role did I play then? I was indeed imperative to the construction of this said work of art. Indeed, I can’t see what Manet did with me per-say but those fleshy sacks have been ‘gazing’ at me for years, throwing around that word time and time again. So I guess one could assume that WE did a pretty good job. One should assume that, anyhow. That Rembrandt over there is looking so damn smug. Sorry for my language, but everyone’s always on about their ‘luminosity’ – how often do I get that sort of credit? For years all I’ve got is ooooo ahhhh the gaze ooooo ahhhhh the symbolism. Well, what about MY luminosity? The Seurat that was positioned opposite me around fifty years ago told me that Claude made me into a ghastly image of a huge, black cat lounging on a bed looking suggestively out of the canvas with a tiny human sitting shocked at its feet. It’s hard to tell if that’s really what I am, what I was manipulated into, because everyone else here thinks it’s funny not to tell me. All I can make out from the flesh sack’s commentary is that I am female, and I gaze. What does that mean, anyway to gaze?

I object.

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Did they really live words MARIA JELEŃSKA

HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

Fairy tales are very important pieces of art. These stories are told to us when we are little and stay with us when we are grown-ups. Telling, reading or showing certain art to children from a very young age can influence the values and social norms they will tend to adjust to in the future, nearly as much as their social environment, ways of upbringing, or religion. With psychologists pointing out the importance of stories we choose to show to our children throughout the years, the discussion started about the values conveyed by our favourite fables like Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or The Little Mermaid. There has been a lot of hate towards the Walt Disney Company for promoting patriarchy or unhealthy stereotypes. But how is it for real?

Indeed, when you look at the stories it seems quite obvious. Firstly, there is recurring motive of a cruel step-mother in Cinderella, Snow White, Hansel and Gretel. This is usually accompanied by a memory of loving biological mother who passed away. The archetypical step-mother abuses the child, usually the main character of the story, so there is this very straightforward contrast of the bad step-mother and a good child. Children with step-mothers can adapt this to their situations and it can be harmful to their young absorbent psyche.

The gender stereotypes are widely present in the traditional Disney stories, too. The Evil Queen in Snow White is vain and shallow. In fact, she is so obsessed with her looks, she is ready to kill another girl (Snow White) just because a magic mirror tells her she is prettier than her. Another reappearing gender norm is that women are meant to stay at home, clean and cook. When Snow White first appears at the dwarfs’ house, they tell her she can stay if she cooks and cleans for them. And so the men go out to physical work in the mine every day, while a woman takes care of the house – it is required from her in the return for the safety and shelter the (male) dwarfs provide.

Princesses from old Disney productions are not very bright either. Snow White gets fooled by the evil queen several times - buying a corset which takes her breath away, falling for a shiny poisoned comb and eventually eating a toxic apple. She seems to have no common sense whatsoever as she lets in the house a person that continuously tries to kill her. Her safety relies completely on the male, smart dwarfs who rescue her every time she is nearly murdered by the queen, apart from the last time, and even then it is a male hero - a prince. In some versions it is by the prince’s kiss, in others by the prince moving the coffin so the apple falls out of Snow White’s mouth. The awakening kiss or the ability to remove the poison from the dead body highlights the attributes of a male hero and his strength, compared to the female character’s weakness and her inability to save herself.

The tendency of princesses to be represented as passive and rescued by princes is visible in Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, too. The events happen to the traditional Disney princesses without them having a say in what is happening around them. Sleeping Beauty is cursed because of a disagreement between her parents and an evil queen, she is then put in the isolation by the king for protection. After coming back to the castle and being fooled by the evil queen she falls asleep. Then she is rescued by a prince. She says exactly 18 lines in the whole movie.

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The only thing that seems to matter to men in the traditional Disney stories is the princess’ beauty. The prince literally falls in love with Snow White when she is dead, so the only thing he knows about her then is how she looks. Right after she wakes up, he proposes. Marriage is usually the happy end in the fairy tales, yet again showing a gender norm; a man and a woman should be married to be happy. Cinderella only gets any attention when she is wearing a beautiful dress and golden jewellery given to her by the magic birds. Only then is she welcomed at the ball, and only then the prince notices her. When she is in her tatters back home while the prince is looking for her, he doesn’t even recognise her, as if the material things one is wearing were changing one as a person. This is very symbolic in terms of class as well as gender norms, showing that at first impressions women are only worthy if being beautiful and well-groomed. Again, the prince falls in love only with Cinderella’s beauty (because what else?) after one dance with her. In the original Grimm’s story, Cinderella’s step-sisters are ready to cut their toes and heels to fit into the Cinderella’s shoe and become princesses.

Their mother encourages them to do that, which symbolises how parents are expecting their daughters “to marry into” a wealthy family. When the prince finally finds the right girl, Cinderella, they (again) get married and live happily ever after.

“The only

Having said that, it is worth reflecting on how the fact that the female characters would impress the male characters only with their beauty - never with their talent, personality or intellect - can impact the self-esteem and confidence of young girls who are the audience of these fairy tales. Also, the fact that fairy tales are depicting only heteronormative relationships may lead to a false assumption that only these ones can be happy.

However, things have changed now. As much as society is more aware and working towards empowerment of women and gender equality, so do the fairy tales. In fact, Disney started shifting towards feminism way earlier than we think. Ariel from The Little Mermaid in the 1990s was a first active female hero who rebels against the social expectations and fights for what she wants (it is still the prince that she wants, but it’s a progress anyway). Looking at the most recent productions we see even a bigger shift towards the significant values.

Merida from Brave, Disney Pixar production from 2012, is definitely not the stereotypical princess. She loves archery, riding horses and adventures.

She stands up to her mother who tells her what a princess should be like.

She fights to be accepted for being herself and refuses to meet the social expectations of walking, eating or talking in a certain “princessish” way. She calls off her arranged marriage by winning the archery contest against the princes. Her mother keeps on trying: “A bow and arrows? She is a lady!”, “Princess, above all, strives for perfection”. Merida shows that rather than being a perfect, pretty princess it is better to be brave, smart and full of passion. And this is truly inspirational for young as well as older audience. The story, rather than focusing on romance, pictures a complicated but beautiful relationship between a daughter and a mother. A tale ends with an amazing moral: “the fate is within us; we just have to be brave enough to see it”.

Meaning, the only person that can save you is yourself, princess. And you are strong enough.

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that can

is yourself,

There are more empowering fairy tales being made. I’ve been to the cinema to see Frozen 2 (2019) and as a twenty-year-old woman I am surprised how deep and intelligent this tale is. The characters’ psyche is very well developed. The main character, Princess Elsa, does not only possess superpowers but also saves her entire kingdom. She does, not a prince. Frozen also shows a very empowering relationship between two sisters - Elsa and Anna. They always help each other and have each other’s back. Anna who does not have any magical superpower does not feel any worse. “Elsa, when are you going to see yourself how I do?” - says Anna. There is no competition. Just love and sisterhood.

person

save you

princess.”

It is not like modern fairy tales are excluding love stories, that wouldn’t be fun, would it? Kristoff and Anna are in love. Kristoff tries to propose to Anna several times in Frozen 2, but she is always too busy (a working woman, huh?). At some point, he sings a song about how sad he is and how lost in his feelings he is. The tale empowers not only women but men, too. Princes were always expected to be strong and tough, to save the princess and marry her. But here we see that Kristoff can also be vulnerable, that he can be sad and lost, and he has a voice to express that. Thank you for that, Disney. We should encourage men to speak about their feelings without them doubting their masculinity. The character of Olaf is interesting too. “Are you okay, Olaf?” – asks Kristoff; “Yah, we call this making the best out of what we can control!” says Olaf. The Snowman seems to be going through some hard time figuring out his feelings and identity while growing up but he inspires with positivity, and portrays the message that even if you don’t know yet, “it will all make sense when you grow up”, and you are enough. Of course, there are some spicy lines every now and then, like Olaf saying that “he finds clothes a bit restricting”. Frozen is funny, smart and inspiring. The moral of the story is that the truth has to be found because without it, there is no future. This is very encouraging regarding one’s identity, true feelings or path we want to follow in life.

I think banning the old fairy tales because of the outdated content is a bit too far. After all, as much as I am a feminist, I do love Cinderella and Snow White stories. Along the outdated cultural depictions, there are also good morals in the tales - showing that empathy, and being good to each other always pays off, as well as love always wins. One has to remember that those productions originated from The Grimm’s collection of folk tales from 19th century, and as much as we would want them to be different – they mirror the social and gender norms of their times. I think what is important is acknowledging that the values depicted are outdated and simply create new stories. Disney in fact did that, putting content warnings on their Disney+ platform. Remembering that children absorb values without much analysis is important when choosing the fairy tales we show them. As a child, one doesn’t know yet what is good or bad, who is a man or woman… and if that even matters in our contemporary world. The good thing is that with growing awareness, contemporary tales are far more conscious of their effect on children. Modern princesses are not only pretty – they are smart, brave and active. And our very own superpower is that we can choose what princess we want to become.

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I am powerful loved whole / Chris Timmins / illustration A Reminder To Take Care of Yourself / Alma Fiala / colouring page

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Colour me in!

A Reminder To Take Care of Yourself / Alma Fiala / colouring page