THE SUN IS COMING FOR US by margot terc
I have to constantly reaffirm my visions and agenda. I sometimes lose my focus and momentum, and have to bring myself back to my center, and the life I want for myself. I forget and digress, and it’s part of my process. But right now I’m making peace with the heavy, because I always make sure to come back. I don’t want to wait to be ‘more’ to start doing the things I want to do. I don’t need to be anything else right now. I can only go from here. Creating is a spell, and I’m gonna start there.
I won’t allow myself to be complacement. It’s tough to deal with moods, and it’s difficult to thrive in a society built on systematic oppression, but I will allow my resistance to motivate my work. I’ve made so much progress, and I have to recognize that, and trust that it will keep happening. My power and fire will carry me through. For a bit the weight got heavier, and I couldn’t separate myself from it. But I’m clearer now, and I’m ready to build again.
Want to let my discontent guide my fire. I
will allow my unhappiness and frustration remind me of what I do want in my life. I will listen to my body, to the heaviness inside, to the press on my chest and my throat and my stomach, and I will find ways around it. I love myself, and I’m committed to making this work for me. I’m so relieved that I’m back to ‘How can I do something to advance my progress and agenda today? How can I be intentional in my day?’ I haven’t thought of this in a while, and I want it to guide me again. At one point I was so overwhelmed by life things that I let those questions fall to the side. I even resented them a bit; my energy didn’t feel up for projects, and the thought that I wasn’t progressing added more stress. And there isn’t really any way around that. My waves come and go and I understand that. The most helpful thing I can do is protect my momentum when I do have it, and learn ways to support my body and mind better so that I am able to breathe easier and do more. My personal agenda understands the mental ish, and it isn’t concerned with productivity at all costs. I understand the challenge in showing up for my passion projects when I work a full time job, and exist as a brown woman in patriarchal society built on oppressive systems. Thankfully I am mostly able to deal with the buillshit by focusing on creative proj-
ects, and allowing my voice, fire, and love, to be my resistance. I can’t control our collective wellbeing, but I can add to it, and I can commit to creating and learning. I want them to know that we won’t ever stop fighting, or building the spaces we need and want for ourselves. Our wellbeing and resistance is my biggest motivation right now. I do my part by focusing on my mediums - writing, zines, pages, videos. And by constantly pushing myself to learn from what is available to me. Personal projects have empowered me again and again, and I will channel their transformatve energy in my/our liberatiom. My agenda is about creating often, and supporting and encouraging other people to create too. It’s also about reminding myself to take care of my body and my mind and my spirit, so I can better connect to my passion and daily work. It’s about supporting my communities, and finding ways to love us. My agenda is about resisting the system through my love and support to my brown and lgbtqa+ n poor n immigrant n soft folks. Now more than ever I need to put more effort into loving and supporting my myself and my people.
I want to know that I am actively pursuing my dreams and resisting this oppressive system. Let me relearn what it means to check in and listen and hold someone close. I want to spend less time thinking about my discontent and disconnect. I was sad and miserable, and it took up a lot of my energy, but I’m coming back now. I’m remembering, and I’m rewiring my thoughts. I’m here, and I get to affect our collective wellbeing. I get to make my life intentional. I get to do my thing. It’s my life and I need it to work for me.
I want to be my own love, my hero my sun my moon my everything. I want to open myself up to people’s magic often. I want to be whatever I need to be. Let me be messy and petty and angry and jealous. Let me be tender and soft. Let me be uncomfortable. Let them squirm. Let me support my people, and let me focus so hard that I don’t have to project onto anyone else. I want control, and I need to take it. I want control, and I need to take it. I want control, and I need to take it. This is it, this is it, this is it.
Thank you for reading. If you feel this too, let me know. Hit me up at margotterc@gmail.com. For more, visit margot-terc.com.