YOU TRY AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT
MARGOT TERC
THERE ARE PARTS OF ME THAT ARE BIG AND BRIGHT. OTHER PARTS SIT HEAVY, AND PRESS AND ACHE. THIS ZINE IS FOR MY MESSY INSIDES. YOU ARE PART OF ME AND I WILL WORK WITH YOU TOO.
TW FOR MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY.
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There are patterns to this, and I'm catching onto my own. I go through waves of tunnel vision, of avoidance, of too much at once, of not enough. I've been making more of an effort to ground myself in the cycles of my life and my days. It's humbling and insightful, and I want to work with it. This is also for the love, and the skies and lil things that keep me going. Yes impermanence is a b, but also good thing that none of this is forever. Everything will change, and we'll keep growing and waning, until the day we're something else. And a new cycle will emerge. For now, I hope we make and try, and give as good as we get. Depression is real, and anxiety is tough, but so am I. If I'm in this, I will get a say too. 2
How do I move through this? How can I feel past the ache in me? 11
Sometimes I want to glow and shine bright, but instead I feel the dirt and the ashes. There is an ache on my chest that presses on me, and screams louder when I'm waiting for the bus, and when time stands still, and there's nothing to distract me. There is a heaviness to my heart, and I'm screaming inside, because my sister is gone, and I will eventually lose everyone I love. I'm not sure how I'll see everything through. There's a pit in my stomach, and a hole in my chest, that pull harder when I think about feeling like this for the rest of my life. Sometimes I don't get it at all. Feels that this could be so much more simpler. I resent so much of this system, and the lives we live because we are socialized to, and not because they really resonate with us. And yeah I can fight and build alongside my communities, but it doesn't always feel that way. Sometimes I just don't see it. Sometimes I can't see past the ache, and all I know is that I don't want to live like this.
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