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Partners in Crime
While some friendships snap faster than cheap plastic BFF necklaces, others outlast even the most embarrassing moments—and the benefits of the latter make them well worth fostering among teens. A study in the journal Child Development found that having a close crew can lead to a stronger sense of self-esteem as an adult. We asked Irene S. Levine, PhD, friendship expert and professor of psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine, for ways parents can help tweens and teens build lasting connections.
→ Be their role model. Demonstrate healthy friendship behaviors in your day-to-day 112
interactions, stressing the importance of loyalty and communication. “It’s important for parents to be honest about the problems that invariably crop up between friends,” Levine says. “No friendship is perfect. It takes work.” Lead by example, and be open to your kids’ questions. → Talk about unrealistic “squad goals.” The friendships your kids see on TV aren’t an accurate representation of adolescent relationships, says Levine. Remind them that it’s fine to watch high school dramas but wise not to create them! Talk to your child about messy celebrity beefs (like when Katy Perry and Taylor Swift were very publicly at odds) in a low-key way, and
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encourage them not to romanticize frenemies or manipulative friendships. → Don’t let them lean too heavily on social media for a social life. Parents should reinforce the value of in-person friendships. Social media is great for keeping kids plugged in, but they need to actually connect in person or the friendship will be less rewarding. → Gently but consistently encourage them to find their people. Your child’s friendships may become more difficult during adolescence as their friends develop different interests. Encourage your teen to pursue hobbies and develop their own talents. That, says Levine, is how they will meet kindred spirits.
Ph otos: (l eft ) Hero Images /Gett y Im ages, (right ) Photofest (4).
→ Recognize that their friendships are unlike yours. You’ll have to look at them with different eyes. Adolescent connections are more intense and allencompassing because young people spend so much of their days together, Levine says. They’re also starting to differentiate themselves from their parents and siblings. Your teen’s friend group is integral to their evolving personality, which helps explain the strong feelings attached to their social circle. Intimate friendships are likely to have even more lasting significance than first romantic relationships.