Sample Chapter 1: Aaron - My Life on Fire by Mandi Lindner

Aaron: My Life on Fire

On Making the Decision to Stay in the Mission Field

The night is quiet. The waves gently rushing onto the beach are the only sound to break the solitude. Aaron is on his knees praying, asking God to let Him know the path that is laid out for him. The shifting foundation of the sand under his knees is in sharp contrast to the sure foundation of his faith. It is decision time for Aaron. After two years as a missionary in France with Campus Crusade for Christ, he must make the decision of whether or not to stay in the field long-term as a full-time staff member. Currently, he is attending a conference in Spain that is meant to rejuvenate and inspire missionaries serving in Western Europe and Africa, but instead it’s leaving Aaron with questions. Is he ready for the responsibility of a leadership position? Does he want to stay in France? How can he know which is the right choice? The bright light of the almost-full moon seems dimmer in the glare of the patio lights from the hotel, but even so Aaron is able to clearly read the words of Romans 8:28, “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” The wind brings a slight chill in the air, but no clear answer to Aaron’s prayer. He knows that the work God has for him is not complete, yet he wonders if he’s meant to continue this work in France or hand the baton over to a new leader. Compelled, he starts writing a list in his journal with two categories: his fears about staying in France even longer than he imagined, and his motivations for wanting to stay in the mission field. The Call to Mission Work Growing up as the son of a pastor, Aaron never seriously considered overseas mission work as a career choice. North Dakota was his home. Why would he want to live anywhere else?

As a student at North Dakota State, Aaron’s strong faith led him to join a college ministry group on campus. Campus Crusade for Christ helped him grow in his faith and first planted the seed of mission work. A gifted singer, he shared his talents in music, grew in his faith, and helped others to grow as well. After graduation, Aaron got a job in Minneapolis. He was happy to learn that the director of his Campus Crusade group at North Dakota State was also moving to the city and would have a friend in the area. One day, before the big move, Aaron was reading his Bible and felt impressed to write in his journal. He was hit with a realization of all the blessings in his life. He looked forward to investing in the lives of others, and having the opportunity to share his faith. “God laid it on my heart to pray about potential and future opportunities in ministry,” he relates, “He told me to keep my eyes open.” He quickly forgot about this journal entry in the details of the move, and shortly after arriving in Minneapolis, Aaron became heavily involved in a local church. He was working 50 hours a week as a staffing manager at an employment agency, and also involved in Christian outreach to business professionals. He was asked by his friend in Campus Crusade to help lead a monthly event in the Twin Cities area. City Celebration was an event that celebrated diversity in the community, and Aaron agreed to sing with the worship band and joined a Bible study with his band members. It was through this experience that Aaron was led to ministry in France. The Call to France Three years later Aaron is a leader with his church group. Always having been strong in his faith, his experience leading worship and Bible study with City Celebration helped give Aaron a sense

of confidence in his ability to share that faith with others. It was then that Jason Falk, a good friend Aaron had met in Campus Crusade, asked him to lead worship at a staff retreat. Aaron agreed, and Jason asked to meet him one-on-one during the weekend. Knowing Jason was in full-time ministry, Aaron thought that he would be talking with him about support. Missionaries who serve with the organization are required to raise money to cover the costs of their salaries and living expenses. Aaron always encouraged Jason in his ministry, and looked forward to the opportunity to financially support him. However, Aaron was in for a surprise. The two friends decided to meet in the afternoon during one of the retreat days. The morning of their meeting, Aaron was flipping through his journal when he came across an entry from right before he moved to Minneapolis. Lord, I trust in You to provide me with what I need in my life. I always have. Right now is when I’m supposed to be paying off my student loans and becoming a responsible adult. Yet, I can’t seem to let go of this feeling that I should be doing more for You. You have provided me with a job that will secure me financially, but I’m afraid of not being fulfilled spiritually. I can’t help thinking that you have more in store for me. As Aaron read the words he had written three years ago, he wondered if now might not be the time to consider where God was leading him. It was then that he realized now might be the time to consider work in ministry. It was then that he realized he was late to his meeting with Jason.

The staff retreat was being held at a camp in central Minnesota. Luckily, he and Jason had rooms in the same lodge. He grabbed his Bible and walked down the hall to the common room. Jason was waiting for him near the front entryway of the lodge. It was unseasonably warm outside for Minnesota in the fall, and so he suggested they take a walk around the camp’s hiking trails. As they started out, Jason began telling Aaron about an upcoming mission stint he was doing in France. This was the first time Aaron had heard about ministry in France. Campus Crusade for Christ sponsors ministries in just about every region of the world. Individuals can serve on stint, a one to two year commitment, or on staff, a full-time commitment of up to 5 years. Jason explained that this was the first year that they would be sending missionaries to France, and the organization hoped to develop a long-term ministry in Toulouse for local university students. Aaron listened to his friend as he explained this new mission in France. Knowing Jason would soon ask if he could be one of his financial sponsors, Aaron began tabulating numbers in his head. If he made so much per paycheck, how much could he afford to send to Jason per month while still having enough to cover expenses? By this point in his career, he had been able to pay off his student loans, and beyond rent he didn’t have much by way of expenses. As they were walking through woods and Aaron was making these calculations in his head, Jason talked about the needs of the new team heading to France within the next year. It was here that Jason stopped walking and turned to Aaron. “Aaron, would you consider joining me and the team in France?” This was not the first time that he had been asked to join ministry, but somehow the timing and the fit had never seemed right. Now Aaron wondered if the timing wasn’t perfect. Not wanting to

close the door on the opportunity or give a definitive answer without praying about it, Aaron said he’d think about it. The very next week another staff member of Campus Crusade asked him to join the ministry team in Turkey. Aaron started to get the inkling that God was leading him to mission work. “For the next four or five months I couldn’t get France out of my head. I had never thought about going or visiting. I never desired to live overseas ever,” he recalls. Clearly France, and mission work, was on the brain. So Aaron did what he always does whenever faced with such indecision; he prayed. Team Toulouse As a child, Aaron had never seriously thought overseas mission work was in his future, yet here he was years later, called to Toulouse, France. “It was scary to quit a full-time job and raise support. I actually ended up raising $36,000 in three months. For me, this was the deciding factor. This proved to me that this was God’s plan for me.” Aaron went to Toulouse with ten other missionaries. Four people in the group spoke French and seven didn’t. Four had spent time in France before, dreamed of going back; the rest had never considered living there before their mission work. Looking back, he says he can see the difference those previous experiences had on team members and their ability to adjust to life in France. Those who had been to France before, who had studied French, who had expectations in their mind, some of them didn’t adjust very well.

“Some people thought they were gonna love France, but didn’t. They had an idea in their head and it didn’t live up to reality.” This initial adjustment experienced by Aaron and his teammates is a well-documented and researched phenomenon called acculturation, or cultural adjustment. Some suggest that an initial period of excitement occurs when someone first moves to a new country. This is soon followed by a time of difficulty, of culture shock, as that person then has to live in the new setting with a different set of behaviors and norms. But as that person gets used to the new culture, he or she is able to get the hang of it and eventually finds a balance. What can affect this process, as Aaron recalls in his experience, is expectations. Research has shown that overly optimistic expectations can lead to psychological problems. And these high expectations can stem from previous experience in cultural transition. In Aaron’s lifetime, he’s made three major moves – from Devil’s lake to Grand Forks as a child, from Grand Forks to Minneapolis after college, and from Minneapolis to France for mission work. He believes that these moves, though not international, helped him in his transition to France. He doesn’t know if people who haven’t had that experience will have a more difficult time, but he does see value in the argument that overly high expectations can lead to disappointment. In his case, the prior experience helped him to anticipate change that might occur when he moved to France. However, he saw that for some members of his team, their prior experience made them believe that they wouldn’t have any difficulties moving overseas, especially if they had already traveled or studied there. These individuals, Aaron observed, thought they were prepared and competent in their knowledge of French culture and language, but when they moved to France and had to live there long-term – dealing with things they

wouldn’t have to deal with if they were just tourists – they experienced a greater level of culture shock. For example, Aaron had a roommate his first year in France who didn’t adjust well. Almost immediately after arriving in the field, he became sullen and was down all the time. From the first week he stepped foot in France he wanted to go home. It was going to be a long, tough year for this young man, but Aaron later learned that he had certain expectations and reasons for coming to France that didn’t live up to the reality. It’s easy to see that the grass is greener when you’re in a tough situation, and he left the mission field that year not having gotten close to his teammates or anyone in France. “Maybe the goal for him that year in his life wasn’t necessarily for God to use him to reach a bunch of people, but for God to do something in his heart.” Ultimately, Aaron believes that God has a purpose, and it is this belief that carried him through the calling to France and now to the beach in southern Spain. Decision Time Aaron huddles into his jacket as the chill from the beach reaches his body. With the waves crashing into shore and the night lit up by millions of stars, he feels incredibly small and inadequate to make such a big decision on whether or not he should leave his ministry in France. On the one hand, the group does not have a lot of senior staff in the area. The thought of leaving is getting harder and harder, because the longer he stays the more responsibility he gets. He’s feeling the call to pass the baton to the next generation of leadership, and the longer he waits the more people are affected by his leaving.

On the other hand, there is more he can accomplish in France; his work is not finished. Looking back over his time in France, he can see what God has done. Already the team has grown to include seven native French. This is a big step in continuing to grow the ministry, but sometimes he wishes there were more. There will be more if he stays. Then again, will God’s work ever be complete? The over-analysis is getting to be a bit much. Once again, Aaron feels impressed to write in his journal. He divides the page into two categories: his fears about staying in France and his motivations for doing so. He comes up with the following list:

As for the fears, Aaron worried about losing touch with his family and friends. Living overseas is kind of like relationship boot camp. When your boss is your roommate, coworker, and friend you can’t just clock in and out every day. Also, when friends and family live an ocean away, it’s hard

to keep in touch. Aaron has to make time for conversation, to cultivate relationships with friends back in the United States. He also struggles with his identity. Though he’s only been living overseas for two years, he already notices differences in his perspective and behavior when he returns home. Just this past Christmas he found himself thinking how loud Americans were in public, a notion expressed often in France. If he stays overseas, by the end of his commitment he’ll have spent almost 10 years abroad. What will this mean for his relationships with people back home? For his identity? How much more acculturated will he be to French culture and norms? What about his future? How will he return home after so much time abroad and get a job, find a wife, and live in America again? Will he get stuck between cultures? Will he get stuck living in France? His motivations, however, are another story. In the past two years he’s gone through hundreds of hours of French language training so that he can communicate with locals in Toulouse. This training has started to pay off, and Aaron has several close friends in the country. He loves communicating with the French – they have a genuine interest in spirituality and love to debate. Every encounter has depth beyond the normal pleasantries, and friendships take a lot of investment. He doesn’t want to give up the progress he’s made, the friends he has. He wants to continue the work God set out for him in Toulouse. He believes he has a genuine heart for the people of France and can continue the work in the long-term. Aaron looks at the list he’s written. As he wrestles with the decision and asks God for guidance, he realizes one very important factor regarding this list: moving back to the United States won’t solve the fears he has. If he were to come home now and leave the ministry in France, he still won’t know if he’ll be able to find a job. He doesn’t know if he’ll meet someone,

fall in love, and marry. He will still struggle with identity issues whether he moves back now or in a few years. But his motivations… His motivations for staying truly seem to be Godly motivations. They are things he can see in the Bible – proof of a calling. In the end, acting on a call from God doesn’t mean there are no fears. Aaron sees more signposts pointing him forward than there are pointing him back. The Rest of the Story That night on the beach Aaron made the decision to commit to ministry in France for another 5 years. He is now on his seventh year in Toulouse, where, at first, he had only planned on staying one. Aaron is not alone in his struggles and concerns with identity; he knows he’ll have to reconcile the changes to his behaviors, norms, and habits when he finally does return home to the United States. As sojourners before him have experienced, while Aaron is changing and growing overseas his family and friends are moving on and changing at home. He doesn’t know what is in store for his future – if his fears will be realized or if it will be the end of the world if they are. Ultimately, he believes that God has a plan for his life, and he is content putting his faith in that path.