Udaan - a Maitri magazine

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Cover Artist: Silvia Reshmeen

Copyright: All original materials are copyrighted and prope

Editors: Zakia Afrin and Jaya Sure

Design by Shilpa Sachdev

Funding made possible by Asian Pacif

EDITOR'S NOTE

Art touches our hearts and souls in many different forms. We sing in love, happiness, grief and heartbreak we nourish our soul with food made with utmost hearty ingredient Our crafts find space to become meditation. And above all Art helps us heal our wounds the ones visible and the others hidden from the world kept as secret in our most private world Thus comes Udaan the flight, the broken among us dream of, leaving behind this wretched world of heartbreak yet dream of hope

We present the first issue of the Maitri Magazine, Udaan. The planning, execution and completion all were part of our self care routines, both for Maitri clients and personnel. Our poems, recipes, paintings, writings all are work of love, testament of the courage and resilience of survivors and the ones who stand beside them.

The initiative came in the midst of a pandemic, a historic event bringing down miseries and sufferings of epic proportions for the human race in general.

For the immigrant survivor, the effects were manifold with being away from family and experiencing isolation from immediate surroundings. “Udaan” activities were designed to bring a brief breeze of solace during their lowest moments Staying true to our roots, we chose “Udaan”, a word with many variations in different languages spoken in South Asia. The word with its root in Sanskrit which is foundation of many languages of South Asia including Bangla, Hindi, Marathi, Punjabi, Gujarati and few others means “The flight” , In Urdu, it is simply “Fly”. The meaning resonated well with the hope, inspiration and dream Maitri has been planting in the community since its existence

As we take flight with this new avenue to collect and share voices of survivors in many shapes and forms, our hope is that we transform the community together. Join us for the ride!

Zakia Afrin

ABOUT MAITRI

It all started in February 1991, when a group of women pooled together resources to set up a confidential phone line for South Asian women survivors of domestic violence That was the humble beginning for Maitri. The women founders saw a need & a service gap that existed for immigrant women from South Asia While there were many organizations that provided legal, medical, financial and counseling services to mainstream survivors of DV, there were none that women from South Asia facing DV could turn to on account of cultural and language gaps. One of the major gaps was and still continues to be language access Maitri was founded to bridge this gap The phone that started ringing then, continues to ring at Maitri today.

Since 1991 Maitri has done transformative work empowering over thousands of survivors and has become the go to agency for the South Asian community Maitri trained volunteers, created an exhaustive resource guide and services, partnered with South Bay legal organizations and other domestic violence organizations What started as a referral service expanded to several programs and services to provide holistic help though: Helpline; Peer Counseling; Transitional Housing Program; Legal Advocacy Program; Economic Empowerment Program; Individual therapy & Supports Groups, Community Outreach and Education, and Emergency Shelter Referrals

Maitri firmly believes that the best human relationships are characterized by mutual respect, open communication and individual empowerment and to that end; all our activities are designed to help South Asians make an informed choice.

1960—2013

The first issue of Udaan is dedicated to the memory of our beloved co-founder, Anjali Dujari.

ANJALI adivineoffering by Mukta

I wait for you. In the hush of early dawn, hope sings strong.

By twilight, visions of you color each tear shed in grief, rage, pain I click on your Face Book page, call your phone again Hoping to find footprints I missed earlier

Your voice at the other end Others who love you do the same.

In panic we seek each other out.

Who else but you could be so much to so many all at once? We search within each story a sketch of our very own Anjali.

Some tales we share joyously, greedy for morsels

Your happy laughter, your sage counsel, your zest for travel seeing new lands, new people your careful dressing spiked with edgy garnishes.

But very soon we panic again We don’t want stories about you We want you

Our world is upside down, tilted over without you

You, Anjali, a divine gift, How many gifts you give us

Yourself

A lighthouse beaming lost voyagers to shore

In the midst of angst, you with the calm repose of the moon The fluff of clouds, light yet heavy with promise

In the graveyard stillness of hate, the timbre of your voice luminous as moon flower as soft ricochets through this world healing hurts righting wrongs

The salt scented draw of your breath stirs a thousand fields and bursts pollen to fruit

How does your tiny birdlike exquisiteness contain such a Goliath hold such fierce resolve So much wisdom!

Anjali a divine gift

How many gifts you leave us: Your daughters

Their feet

Planted firm and sure as yours Tender hearts robust minds Eyes ablaze with the same light that sparkles in yours

Your mission true, intense to see a more just world to speak for the forgotten Forges ahead now with a life of its own, Other hands that carry it still draw from your ardor Golden embers warming the sands Long after sundown

Anjali god’s own messenger!

You will tame those rogue waters you will. You will ride the surf into divine light And you will, You WILL calm with your beautiful gaze The torment, the turmoil of your new world Somewhere

There will be a place far richer for having you in it. And here, we will find your voice again For a resonance such as yours could never be stilled So much of your beauty still remains So much of your beauty still remains

POEMS

IAMABIRD by Sana

You throw me out, you let me down

You drown my dreams

You cage my wings who loves to fly

I tolerate it all, I sense the duality in you I die a thousand deaths

If I say something

You tell me be silent, compromise

What do you want, my community?

You want me to change You don’t want to change yourself

But I have had enough, I am not going to stop now I will not bow before anybody anymore Not competing with you, I will create my own identity

With doubts and fear, I am walking towards honor and freedom

Breaking this cage, I am going to live my own life I am setting out to change this community with compassion and peace

I am a bird, this Open sky is my home I am a Bird, who is eager to fly Who is eager for Change

MYPAST

by Radha

No more can cast a dark shadow on me.

No more can be recognized by my eyes

No more can make me shed silent tears

No more can shout in my ears

No more can veil my humble face

No more can choke my breath

No more can make my heart beat helplessly.

No more can twist my arms.

No more can bend my knees.

No more can splash stains on my clothes. No more can slay my body.

No more can leave footprints behind. I have set out to seek a new earth and a new sky.

MOON

by Radha

The Full Moon had promised me it would come.

Slowly, the night started to look delightful. The heavy layers of dark clouds were lifting. The stars were out. The sky was filling

I saw that the radiant moon was going somewhere Alone

Walking on the dark clouds I was looking at it. The gleaming Moon stopped and stared at me.

It said in a voice of love. "I know your heart's tale. Promise to be like me In someone's sky.

REFLECTIONS

by Rama

Will you look into the mirror for me?

As I am afraid of what I might see Reflections of a weary soul

On whom time has taken its toll

Slumped shoulders and forehead lines Tears in the eyes that once would shine

Do you see pain? Or defeat?

A complex poem? or mere scribbles on a sheet? Is that me? Or does the glass need some polish? Or perhaps a soul that I need to nourish

Oh look again will you, into the mirror for me And now tell me what you can see Look into the eyes for the true story

Do you see that smile? The joy and victory?

Reflections of learnings from life’s experiences

Carefree, and holding no pretenses

Inner strength, calm, love, and compassion Yes, that is me. In my own fashion!

For though the sun sets and there may be goodbyes

Remember there will always be another sunrise!

OHLIFE

by Mariam

What label do I give you, life?

You are peaceful, you are equable You are my confidante, agreeable.

Like the dew on a chilly dawn, Ephemeral

Like the cool breeze of dusk, affable.

Many a broken heart’s lament

A sigh of woe framed in silence.

You’re the twinge of an open heart’s wound

The cure as well, to render it immune

There are obstacles, and setbacks, trials, and grief

But, with you by my side, there is so much to achieve

This journey is but fleeting, temporary But with you, it shall end with a victory.

So, I bow in a prostration of gratitude For a life of abounding platitudes.

What label do I give you, life?

You are peaceful, you are equable

MYDREAMS

by Radha

There was nothing anywhere My dreams had gotten lost Each sorrowful night, I had put them to sleep

On my cold, soaked pillow

Laying my empty, fearful head, I called them loud and deep.

There was nothing anywhere

Night passed by after night... And I chose to change my pillow This one is warm and fresh. My dreams came back, smiling. Too delicate and sweet to tie My name and address I wrote on them, bravely Never will they ever get lost

CREATIVITY

by Radha

est you destroyed feel in the dark? will always be laid in a all its stars e slender web you d. feel in despair? no time to respond. next strand. ount you knocked. feel in distress? eeming glory. to restore it all. whose comb you d feel in anguish? be vanquished flower to flower y, color or scent hom you trapped in jar. the dark night falls? he light within her to a lantern.

THANKSGIVING

by Padma

There is always something to be grateful for!

Yes, there is always something to be thankful for!

Sometimes, Family may be annoying! Family may be demanding!

But I’m grateful that my family is very loving

Problems may be frustrating! Progress maybe disappointing! But I’m grateful that I am still trying!

Running maybe straining! Hiking maybe tiring!

But I am grateful that I am at least walking !

Cooking maybe boring Cleaning maybe exhausting! But I’m grateful that my food is entertaining!

Relationships maybe confusing! Interests maybe conflicting!

But I am grateful that there is enough understanding!

Friendships maybe challenging!

Arguments maybe embarrassing!

But I am grateful that the end result is convincing!

Earth maybe overheating! Resources maybe shrinking! But I’m grateful that, The Sun is still shining and the seasons are changing!

The flowers are still blooming and the birds are chirping!

People are changing! Their efforts are working! The world is amazing and living is exciting!

There is always something to be grateful for !

Yes, there is always something to be thankful for!

by Radha

It was just a car. I will never see it again.... Don’t know why my heart felt heavy.

As I cleaned it one final time Wiped away the blurry fingerprints and tear stains of my struggles.

Scrubbed the fogged windows of my breath and faint smell of my existence

It was just a car But It took me away from the sad and the hard Its seat snuggled and nestled me comfortably.

Its rear view mirror had shown me how far I had come

Its headlight had helped me see better and further.

Now, I take a pledge to be happy with my new one.

No matter where it takes....

No matter what

I will ride the waves and the winds in the winds

WALK

by Radha

I want to walk in rich solitude

I want to walk from the pain that I have learned to endure

I want to walk with boundless love and a fearless mind.

I want to walk on fresh pastures of promise.

I want to walk where the air will be kind and gentle.

I want to walk under the sky, blushing with peace.

I want to walk by the clear stream of reason that has not lost its way.

HELPLESSNESS

by Padma

I am watching you! I am watching you!

I am watching the sadness that wakes up your morning,

The heaviness that drags your day the cloudiness of your night that is thicker than any darkness!

I am witnessing, when you are drowning in the sea of “helplessness”, when the tiny raindrops are piercing you like thorns, the bitterness in your tears is visible to me, when you are hearing all the insults and still pretending that you are not

When you are controlling yourself not to express anything, I can still hear the struggle in your silence.

I am sensing all your pain when you feel like a dried leaf on a blossoming tree, A waste paper in an empty note book, A struggling fish that’s caught in a net Your helplessness is like a fire hidden by thick smoke. When it breaks all its boundaries and gush out on the road,

Will this world have the courage to face it?

I feel the softness in your heart, when you are thinking so much about this world. There is no life in you even when you are living Do you know who I am?

It’s me! The broken pieces of your mind. There are so many like you!

If and when they hit the road, I guarantee there is no world that can survive!

by Shilpa STACCATO blank noise

the uncanny silence of cities the noiseless screams of Mother the ramblings of the crippled hand the distance between me and you the little fly tearing as it drowns in a mushroom sou the tired aching back of the painting on your wall the scream of agony of the tree bark under my axe the camouflaged people standing amidst the still wind the anxious saliva waiting to get a lick of the cotton candy the solitude of the leaves sitting on a forgotten mountain the frayed grayness of their silent dreams the unkept promise of the Brave New World the reluctant smile on the orphan’s face the rainy clouds weighing me down the incoherent words from under the blueness of paper blotted with ink the split image of nothing and, the tear that didn’t fall grey blank

ARTWORK

Rose Bush

by Firemisst

Rain of Blessings

I dream of wildflowers, serenity, joy, a soul boundless as the sky, and a spirit as free as the ocean.

CONVERSATIONS

I loved reading magazines, books in Hindi/Nepali

I enjoyed turning pages and looking at the magazine's colorful pictures, reading various stories, world's news, history, turning colorful pages, etc Often I would not know name of the magazine as I can not read so well, but still I enjoyed turning those colorful pages - Juli

I do not have any particular favorite movie, I do not like artificial movies, but liked movies which are connected with reality. One such movie that I like is of Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan Umrao Jaan, this movie is so connected with reality. Very unfortunate situation where heroine comes back to the place she left The end was not very nice, it is a kind of a sad movie, but the story seems so real and similar to so many of us Baboo

Chak de India (I like this movie because it shows dedication towards your work/job). Ananya

My favorite book is : "Ikigai : The Japanese secret to a long and happy life". I love this book because it talks about happiness and having purpose in life even after retirement. Ashna

Agni Ki Udaan Abdul Kalam. This is a book that is unforgettable for me in many ways. In specific, I loved the way he discusses religion and compares it to water Just like water, religion should be like that. It should not matter which community. Growing up I spent a lot of time eating at my neighbor Akhtar Aunty If I was vegetarian, she would give me vegetarian food but that did not change thing in our relationship. I have many fond memories. Rekha

Neeraja personal stories with leadership with impact Anita

I have many favorite books but I can only mention one of them which is “Wisdom sits in Places” by Keith H. Basso. I love the book because it’s emphasis on the significance of a place to the identity of a people and what they represent. And also how people’s sense of place does not only come from their individual experiences but also from their culture - Motu

I never read a book, but there is a new movie in Punjabi Girdharilal, I really loved it It is a very family oriented movie and seemed very real Watching that movie made me feel how similar it is with each one's life including my own. The movie has innocence, small fights, showed love, culture and tradition along with humor. There was a mix up, Hero dies in the movie and then is reborn etc. So I really enjoyed and liked it. Billo

To relax, I watch YouTube, I generally do not speak to a lot of people on the phone, but watch YouTube, which has lots of real stories, of old people whose kids are not taking care of them, people have moved to old age homes. Baboo to to help and take of my

I watch movies and social media posts/comments. The midnight voluntary prayers (Tahajud) makes me feel at peace especially if I’m having a difficult time! Motu

I sleep, it is better to sleep and forget everything. This my mental well being and I take away my tiredness physical and mental well

My go to prayer for anything and everything is chanting the name of the Supreme Shakthi (Mother/Father) knowing that She/He is with me all the time and complete surrender to the supreme Bachi

To find inner peace, I take the name of god. Whenever I feel that I am in any trouble I remember and that makes me feel better My favorite is Guru Granth Sahib, he is known and from my community and culture. He has sacrificed a lot in his life for the sake of sikh community and I am grateful that I am trying following his path Kammo

I never do any special prayers, but I always pray for forgiveness, ask for courage and God's forgiveness. Actually I do not know how to pray or if there is any particular way of prayer, but this is how I talk to God.

Billo

Thanking GOD for everything I have or don’t have always brings me peace. I believe we always have more than we think we have.

Noor

In our village lots of poor people would come and my father would feed everyone. I still enjoy thinking about those moments I also would like to do what my father was doing, but I do not have much resources here. My father helped old people, children in need. The food would include Daal, Rice, Sabzi, kheer puri etc The tradition was twice a month my father would feed people in need, at least 30 40 people would eat food on the banana leaf I still feel happy thinking and talking about it. I think that's why I enjoy cooking and like to cook and feed people Juli

My best memory is walking to the forest with my friends during summer holidays. I remember playing 'Pittu Carrom' with stones by making teams amongst ourselves Sometimes, we also used to make fire in the forest by collecting wood and making Sooji Halwa - Rekha

We were living in a joint family, played with my uncle's kids. Our grandfather would bring sweets on many occasions and all the kids would sit around him and eat and enjoy. That is something I still think about and enjoy Sandeep

As a child, I was very naughty. We had water pump near our house and in summer all our friends, cousin from the village will gather and play in the water while the family is taking afternoon naps. We had a huge farm and my grandfather had planted a lot of veggies,, carrot, cauliflower, saag, makai, sugar cane. When I was there at the farm, I would eat all the cauliflower and throw the stems on the ground, my grandfather would get very annoyed. Growing up, we ate all fresh food, organic food. Everything was available at our farm as we grew almost everything. I would eat sugar cane. We would give our farm food for free. Almost half of the village people would get free food from our farm. Whoever would come, we will give them free food. Sometimes, I would get scolding from my grandfather as I would give everything away. We never turned anyone away if they asked for food Baboo

I have many memories of going to the Zoo to watch the Orangutans and many other exotic animals and birds. I used to be very excited to go and see and still think of that time.

Anita

Going on picnics with parents. Ananya

All the time spent with my parents.

Pencil

When I was in school, during lunch time I would eat my lunch as well as my friend's lunch. I enjoyed going to school on my bike Kammo

Many good memories Playing in the sand with friends Getting excited when mom cooks rice when I come home from school Listening to elders tell us long stories while watching the stars at night.

Motu

Cherishedchildhoodmemory

There are a lot of memories but I can share a few which still brings a smile to my face. We were 3 sisters, and lived in a joint family with my uncle and his family. As kids we would play with their kids, my neighbor friends. We all would go to school on our bikes but as I was very small, someone would give me a ride to school. On the way to school, there was a chickpeas field. On our way, we would eat the chickpeas. One day the field owner noticed this and they waited for us with sticks. We did not know that they were there, we were some 8 9 kids, all of us got scared, but me and my sister hid some chickpeas in our bag. We apologized and went back home. There were times we did not want to go to school but were forced to go. And though we were not interested, we would still get ready and leave for school there was a huge fruit trees field, all of us would park our bike and play the whole day, climbing trees, sitting and eating and when it was time to go back home, we would return as though we were at the school whole day. One day, our uncle was walking and saw our bikes, he got worried and later saw that all of us had climbed the tree and were sitting on it. He called us down and asked why we are here and not in school We made many excuses, he did not scold us but knew that if we went back home they will find out and we might be punished So he told us to be careful and return home at the same time when school gets over Roop

My late elder brother He was the first child and I was the 6th child, it was easy for me to get inspired by him He was so calm, kind and familyoriented Unfortunately, he died very early - 26 years ago His name was Musa Motu

God Krishna is my favorite as he never left me in difficult times.

Rekha

My children keep me motivated and give me the strength to keep marching like an eveready battery I feel so much at peace with having my kids close to me whenever I feel lost When everybody else failed me they are there for me

Bachi

I respect our Guru, all 10 gurus. I respect their teachings speak the truth, walk on the right path, never hurt anyone, do not hurt anyone, do not speak bad about anyone Baboo

Favoritepersonorhero

My son. He is funny and an absolute gem. We have an amazing bond and he has been with me through thick and thin. He is my partner in crime.

Noor

My mother is my favorite person. My father got sick very early and couldn't work. My mother was a teacher. She took care of me and my sisters, sacrificed a lot. We were sent to the best school, and she arranged school fees We were very loved and beautifully grown I went to the best college in my village and got the best education

Sandeep

My Parents Pencil My father Ananya

Our king of Nepal, Virendra Raja, was a very good and kind hearted man. He always helped people and was king to all the people of the country.

Juli

Mother Teresa She is always giving and heard a lot about her. I used to watch her on Doordarshan It touched me

Anita

I respect our Guru, all 10 gurus I respect their teachings speak the truth, walk on the right path, never hurt anyone, do not hurt anyone, do not speak bad about anyone

Baboo

There is one person, Babaji Gurbinder Singh Dhillon He is in Punjab He is a guru He always guides us to speak and be truthful His words are, whatever happens it is God's will If anything bad happens that is because of our bad karma and god always makes things right for us. I do believe that whatever happened with me is my karma. Babaji helps to be in connection and close with Waheguru and he always encourages to move on. Whatever happens is written in our destiny, when we come to this world, we should enjoy and accept either with a laugh or a cry. Everything is already written in our destiny. Be thankful to God and be patient.

Billo

I enjoy eating makki di roti and sarso ka saag. That reminds me of home.

- Billo

Favoritefood

My favorite food is Makki ki roti and Saag. It has lots of vitamins and I enjoy cooking as well.

- Kammo

Makki di roti and sarso ka saag I do not think I will ever say No if anyone will be giving that everyday.

- Baboo

I like all kinds of food. No favorite food.

- Rekha

RECIPES

BANANAWALNUTBREAD

by Ramadevi

Ingredients

All-purpose flour 1 ½ cups

Baking Soda 1 tsp

Salt ¼ tsp

Sugar ¾ cup

Lightly beaten eggs 2

Vegetable oil ¾ cup

Buttermilk 3 Tbsps

Bananas 3 sliced or mashed

Chopped walnuts ¾ cup

(Pecans can be added too)

Preparation

Stir together flour, baking soda, salt, eggs, oil and buttermilk till it blends Then add bananas and nuts

Pour the batter in a greased loaf pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 70 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool it in for half hour and remove and cool on a wire rack. Enjoy with your loved ones.

3 Carrots( cut medium size )

2 Potatoes ( cut medium size )

15 French Beans

Corn 1/2 cup

Cauliflower Florets 1 cup

Makhana ( fox nuts ) 1 cup

Grind to a paste:

25 Cashew Nuts

1/2 cup Coconu

5 Green Chilies

Preparation

In a pan, heat 3 tbsp oil

Add 1 tsp cumin seeds,3 medium onions, sliced, 1 tbsp garlic paste, 1 tbsp ginger paste, 1 5 cups cashew, coconut, green chili paste, 1 5 cups cup water, vegetables, 1/4 tsp turmeric powder ( not too much ), salt to taste, 1/2 tsp garam masala powder

Cook on a medium flame for 20 minutes

Serve with rice or roti

Palau rice or basmati rice ½ cup (Grind the rice into a coarse powder)

Green cardamom 3 pcs.

Cinnamon stick 1 pcs.

Ghee 1 tbs.

Raisin 10 12 pcs.

Cashew nut 15 16 pcs.

Saffron 1 pinch with warm milk ½ cup.

Mawa ½ cup or powder milk ½ cup.

Full cream liquid milk 1 & ½ L milk. Sugar 1 & ½ cup

Preparation

Boil the milk with green cardamon and cinnamon stick

Add the grinded rice in the milk and cook in medium low heat for 20 minutes

Add sugar, paste or powder cashew nut, saffron, mawa or powder milk and cook 3 to 4 minutes

For flavor you can use 1 teaspoon keora water and ghee Before you serve add raisins and pista

Preparation

Roast the suji in a pan until it gets light brown. Add ghee to the pan fry it for 4 5 minutes. Grind all the dry fruits and saffron to a make coarse powder. Add the powdered dry fruits to the suji. Add milk to the pan and let the suji cook n become soft. Add sugar and keep mixing, as suji gets cooked it gets sticky. Now is the time to turn off the stove. Then roll that suji with a roller and let it cool. Once it gets cold cut into pieces and serve it.

2 cups of suji ( semolina)

1 cup of sugar

1 cup of dry fruits

1 cups of ghee

Few saffron strands

Preparation

1/2 tea spoon baking soda

1 tea spoon baking powder 120 grams (1/2 cup) milk, if required

Cake Recipe:

In a mixing bowl take ¾ cup curd, 1 cup sugar, ¾ cup oil and 1 tsp vanilla extract

Mix well with the help of whisk for 5 minutes

Sieve 2 cup all purpose flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp baking powder; mix well using cut and fold method Add milk if required and mix well forming thick flowing consistency batter

Transfer the cake batter into the square cake mold; make sure to grease the mold with butter or oil to avoid sticking and line butter paper at bottom of the tray Pour the batter and pat the tray twice to remove the air incorporated into the batter.

Bake the cake at 180 degrees Celsius or 356 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 minutes or bake till the toothpick inserted comes out clean and cool the cake completely Poke the cake with a toothpick or fork making holes and keep aside

For honey syrup: ½ cup strawberry jam 1 tbsp honey

2 tbsp sugar ¼ cup water

o ¼ cup honey

For jam mixture:

Honey syrup:

Prepare honey syrup by dissolving 2 tbsp. sugar in ¼ cup water; boil the sugar syrup for 2 mins

When sugar syrup is warm, add ¼ cup honey and mix it

Pour the prepared honey syrup over the cake and allow to seep into the cake

Prepare jam mixture taking ½ cup strawberry jam and one tbsp. honey in a pan, mix well

Spread a jam mixture over the cake and level out. Also sprinkle 2 tbsp. of desiccated coconut over cake. Cake is ready to cut and can be served.

Black beans / cooked, drained and ground

Almond meal / ground almonds

Oats flour / ground rolled oats

Corn / frozen, thawed and ground

Cilantro / ground

Garlic / ground

Spices / salt, paprika, zaatar, red chili powder, cumin powder, turmeric Lime juice / half a lime

Preparation

Mix all ingredients together till you get a nice cookie dough consistency. Take a 1/4th measuring cup and scoop out portions and roll into patties. Shallow fry with a little olive oil until both sides are golden brown and crispy.

Serve with pickled onions + zaatar and paprika infused in extra virgin olive oil.

REFLECTIONS

THANKYOU

by Bishakha

I have been part of Maitri for about six months now. I would sincerely want to thank everyone at Maitri for creating such a warm and caring organization with such a serious commitment to making a difference in people’s lives. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. As I was thinking about how to thank everyone at Maitri, it somehow took me back to a time in my childhood, when I first learnt the word ‘Thank You’

It was the summer of the year I turned five During the summer holidays, my sister used to go to a teacher from school, so that she would have some connection with studies during the holidays. It was a very informal set up. So, my mother asked the teacher if it would be ok for me to join my sister too. The teacher said she would love to have me over. She had a son, who was two years older than me. We could play together, while she would help my sister with school work.

Even at that early age, I did not like school, and had a special dislike for the breed called teachers. They always gave me the jitters. Moreover, I was really shy, awkward, and did not like being around people, who I did not know well I was not at all happy at the prospect of going to a teacher every morning of the summer holidays To me, summer holidays, should have meant a break from school and teachers. But then, who was I to decide.

I still remember the first day I was there. The moment we entered her house the teacher said, ‘Today my son has gone out, but you can play with his toys if you want’. She looked like a typical teacher strict and stern. Moreover, she spoke mostly in English, and some Hindi, none of which I understood at all.

She spoke very little Bangla, the only language I knew. I was absolutely petrified. I just sat in a corner, barely moved, and did not say a single word. My worst fear came true, when she managed to explain that I could play with all the toys after I write down the numbers from 1 100.”

I felt like saying, ‘I don’t want your toys, but please don’t make me write numbers. I was really glad when it was time to leave

The next morning when we reached there, she introduced me to her son Shetu Like his mother, Shetu did not speak Bangla However, thankfully, like most kids that age, Shetu knew that language is just one of the many ways of communicating with others. He took an instant liking to me, and tried everything in his capacity to put me at ease. When it was time to leave, he gave me a whole lot of candies, something that I really loved, but was rarely given.

When we were walking back home that day, my sister told me in her typical serious and protective sisterly manner, “next time someone gives you something, you should say thank you”. She made me repeat the word thank you quite a few times Even though she is only about five and a half years older than me, I always thought she knew everything there was to know, and tried to follow her instructions

The next day, when it was time to go back to the teacher’s house, I was less resistant to the idea than before. Like the previous day, this time again, Shetu gave me a lot of goodies, while we were leaving, I knew I was supposed to say something. I desperately wanted to say it too. But for the life of it, I could not remember what the word was. I could feel my sister giving me a little nudge.

be o e e o e, e ou d g e e o e o s favorite things pencils, erasers, toys, balloons, and anything that a kid could think of. On my part, I absolutely loved saying thank you again and again. Sometimes I gave him a few things too Even though it looked like a kids’ ritual, the thank you was always coming from the heart, just as the gifts were

That summer was the last time I saw Shetu. They moved away from Calcutta, and our families did not keep in touch. Forty years have passed since then. Over the years I have overcome my shyness and awkwardness around strangers, and have made scores of acquaintances and some really close friends, but even today I consider Shetu as one of my earliest friends whom I cherish from the bottom of my heart. It was so long ago that I don’t even remember his face anymore. I am absolutely certain that he has no recollection of my existence either But that bridge of friendship and the joy of thankfulness he gave me, will remain with me for the rest of my life

Even though it looked like a kids’ ritual, the thank you was always coming from the heart, just as the gifts were.

started me on a quest.

I started off by observing myself and listening to the constant chatter in my mind. It almost sounded like a well honed litany of complaints and admonishments that would put the world’s worst nag to shame. There was not even a trace of love or encouragement. I was truly appalled to realize that this chatterbox had always been running my life while constantly running me down Wondering if I had to listen to this chatterbox for the rest of my life, I remembered that a course I had taken years ago had emphasized the point that this chatterbox in our mind is not our true self and it can be tamed. So, as a first step, I started visualizing this chatterbox as a very cute little monkey so cute that it attracted affection and not fear. Next, I visualized the monkey as sitting on my shoulder rather than in my head in order to separate out our identities.

less of my mind space. I suspect that meditation also helped. Bottom line, I discovered one day that my dear monkey was quite jobless.

Feeling bad for my monkey, I wondered if I could make it my friend. First, I began training it to be my cheerleader by listing my strengths and giving me positive affirmations whenever I needed to hear them. I have also been training it to be a good sounding board The monkey is very bright, logical and even caring My aim is to make it my best friend for life – after all it is the only friend who will always be with me! And I can custom train it to suit my taste!

As a lucky byproduct of this quest, I transformed from being a nagging mother to a nurturing one!

else is visiting it’s there, dark brown in our palms.

My grandmother house had a mehendi plant and as children we would take the leaves and grind them into a paste and put it on our hands and feet

was always happiness whether you won or lost. Since we had to apply to each others’ hands, we were happy as happy to receive good mehendi as to win the competition. Even today, in our family, mehendi is always available at all happy events Even today, when I travel and come back to US, at the immigration check, the officer would say after looking at my palm, "Ma’am, are you returning from India?"

I love the tradition of mehendi and it is still very much part of my life.

p y

There was always an expectation that the children will give back to their family and community. Despite a free education in the local public schools, male children often follow their parents to work in the paddy fields, while female children are restricted to a certain number of years of schooling after which they are confined to home life to prepare for marriage or be married off

Out of many stories, the story of Gauri, a house maid inspires me She was a young, intelligent and hard working girl who discontinued studies and started working in the areca nut plantations and helper in the household works when we were growing up. Those days, education was not encouraged especially for the weaker section of the community, there was status and caste differences, children are not valued, girls are seen as a financial burden due to dowries, and children coming from unfortunate circumstances don’t have equal access to opportunities and an equal footing to compete with their peers who belong to the privileged community

behind is a piece of land around the house.

She continued to do house hold chores and farm works for her livelihood and survived. Went through lot of mental trauma as a widow. Especially in villages of south India there are lot of discrimination against widows and they are not equally treated with other woman of the community

Many years passed and her son was growing up to be a studious and intelligent boy who was aspirant to be a Lawyer Gauri could not afford for his studies with her daily wages and started thinking of growing of areca trees and coconut trees in the land she had. But as always money was the constraint. There was no source of water and she could not afford to pay for manpower for digging a well in her land.

afford to pay for man power, she refused to give it to the play of destiny by becoming manpower she sought, herself She accomplished digging 60 feet deep well spending 4 5 hours each day after her daily work Her efforts finally paid off at 60 feet when water was found Villagers did not come to know until at the end she sought the help of local women in shifting mud.

Now she has been able to supply water for those coconut and areca plants and able to generate some income to cope up with expenses. After this Gauri was recognized in the village panchayat for her brave deeds and became member of many rural development schemes. She was awarded by the government and people started calling her “Lady Bhagiratha”. Gauri thought the lessons of how to be self Reliant and self confident as much as possible when faced with difficulties and never give up no matter what hardships you face

who feels helpless and trapped in a man’s world.

workplace. Seeing his name on the placard, Subhra waived at him, and without wasting any time, Shivappa hurried towards us, greeted us and quickly took the trolley from us, and guided us towards the car park I noticed; he was still wearing that big smile Very soon we found out that he could only speak Kannada, knew a couple of Hindi words and could manage very little English. Initially I was bit worried with his language limitations. Anyways, soon enough we figured he was not only an excellent driver but he also knew the city as the back of his hand. We just had to tell him, where we wanted to go, and he would just take us there.

We were slowly settling into the new life, and it didn’t take me long to notice that Subhra and Shivappa became very comfortable with each other as if they were old friends Shivappa always ensured to greet me and my husband every morning he came to take the car keys Subhra too, never missed an opportunity to greet him back Exchanging pleasantries became a ritual for them

One day Shivappa asked for a day off as his wife was going to have a C section Shubra suggested him to take the car for the hospital run and asked if he could help him in any ways The entire day I saw an anxious look on Subhra’s face and he mentioned Shivappa’s name a couple of times. Next morning Shivappa came to return the car with his signature smile and a box of sweet. Subhra asked “Hua” (Done)? Shivappa nodded his head both ways with a wide smile and they high fived. Subhra asked “tired?” Shivappa said “no sleep night, tension, see baby happy”. Subhra invited Shivappa to join us at the breakfast table. Shivappa protested but Subhra didn’t take no for an answer. He served him breakfast and tea with utmost care. I on the other hand felt little uncomfortable. Unlike Subhra I was raised in India and I had no experience sharing our breakfast table and dishes with maid or driver Subhra noticed my lack of hospitality toward Shivappa and after he left Subhra asked me “You are always very warm and cordial with all our guests, what happened today?” I didn’t know how to respond.

brought a colleague or friend of mine instead of Shivappa? In a theater you would be watching movie with hundred other people, what’s your problem with Shivappa?” Honestly I didn’t know the answer

I was born and raised in India and didn’t even realize that I have an unconscious bias. Without any conscious realization many of us internalized classism and casteism that was taught through an invisible cultural conditioning. No one consciously taught me to keep a gap from people who are from lower social strata yet I was following blindly an invisible social rule that normalized discrimination against human beings. Subhra’s friendship with Shivappa made me realize that friendship has no class, caste and language barriers

Shivappa both hugged each other tightly and wished each other best of luck with their limited linguistic strength.

Without any conscious realization many of us internalized classism and casteism that was taught through an invisible conditioning.cultural