Mahurangimatters 1 May 2013 | 11
Tragedy cements Kaipara Flats family’s bonds Every night before she goes to bed, Christine Hart picks up a photo of her 18-month-old grandson James, traces his face with her finger and kisses him goodnight. But for James’ parents, Kim and Aaron Palmer, of Kaipara Flats, even having a photo of James in the house is still incredibly painful. Their grief is still too raw and the memories too vivid as they struggle to come to terms with the driveway accident that claimed their son’s life on February 18, just over two months ago. “Sometimes I still think I will walk into his room and see my precious boy asleep in his cot,” Kim says. “Even now, it doesn’t quite register or make any sense. Our family’s world was ripped apart in seconds and it’s been a horrendous journey trying to live around it.” The tragedy happened on a property that is home to four generations of Kim’s family. She says the strength of those family ties helped them all pull through. “We’ve been told that grief is like an ocean – sometimes it’s calm and other times you can drown in it. As a family, we’ve been able to give one another Aaron and Kim Palmer with their daughter Milly, comfort and support when we needed it.” holding a photo of James. Kim says shock, quickly followed by anger, were Kim a reason to get up in the morning. But some probably the first emotions she registered after the steps have been harder to take. accident. “His room is pretty much untouched – I just can’t “You want to be able to wind back the clock; you face letting go of things that remind me of him,” Kim want to blame someone, and you are constantly says. “Likewise, we still have his ashes. Eventually, thinking ‘if only’. For Aaron and I, it put a huge we’ll find the place we want to scatter them but nostrain on our relationship. But then you realise that one is ready to do that yet.” you are both as heart-broken as each other and Christine says that slowly, you realise you just have understanding starts to take the place of anger.” to go on living. “You cry; you miss him so much, but Through counselling and conversations with parents life does go on.” who have suffered the same loss, the family has come The family know that the images of the accident will to accept that what they are feeling is normal in the never go away, but they are learning to cope. “What circumstances. brings us a lot of comfort is realising how much The day-to-day demands of raising the couple’s six- goodness there is in people. The local community year-old daughter Milly have also been an important wrapped itself around us, cared for us and has helped ingredient in re-establishing some routine, giving us to begin to heal.” The choice is yo
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Locals rally in time of need Aaron and Kim Palmer, and their extended family, say it’s difficult to find the words to express how grateful they are to the family, friends and acquaintances who rallied around them at the time of the accident. “They virtually took over our lives,” they say. “People cooked, cleaned, and shopped. We had to borrow another fridge to accommodate all the food that was delivered. We were treated with nothing but sympathy and understanding by the police and others we had to deal with. Jason Morrison Funeral Services were amazing, especially Nicola who delivered a beautiful service for our beautiful boy. “Jamie and Julie Thompson offered their home and grounds for the funeral service. About 600 people attended and it concluded with a picnic lunch, which was just perfect for James because he loved being outdoors. Lisa and Nod Hay, and Robyn Munro-Boga set up a support fund to help meet all the unexpected expenses. To everyone who contributed to this fund, the family give their heartfelt thanks. “People have offered their professional services too which is amazing - people give what they can and do.” The Kaipara Flats School community deserves a special mention too, they say. “They have continued to offer support for the whole family, and Milly in particular. You think something like this could never happen to you, but then it does and it’s nobody’s fault; just a terrible accident that could happen to anyone. “But it’s made us realise how lucky we are to live in this caring community and how important it is to reach out to help our neighbours in their time of need.”
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