the phenomena of the five love languages

Have you taken “The Love Language Quiz?”

It encompasses a series of questions available on 5lovelanguages.com for people to determine the percentage of each of the five love languages they hold.

The concept of the five love languages was introduced by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” and has grown in popularity since. According to Chapman, every person has a personal language, whether that is quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts or physical touch.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D. in adult education from the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, developed the idea of the five love languages during his time as a pastor in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. During this time, he offered adult education classes where he covered topics such as financial planning, but also discussed marriage and family which led to couples approaching him for relationship advice. After years of collecting notes, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern of these couples’ love not being shown to each other in a way they appreciated. In 1992, Dr. Chapman’s book was published.

We each decided to take the quiz to learn what our own love languages are when thinking about a romantic relationship. Kelly’s top love language was quality time making for 40 percent which did not come to a surprise to her. Contrasting Kelly, Brenna’s results showed physical touch as first composing 29 percent, which was very surprising to her.

But are the love languages based on any evidence?

Kimberly Fairchild, Ph.D., Department Chairperson of Psychology at Manhattan College, shared her thoughts on the validity of the five love languages since it is based on Chapman’s own experience counseling couples as a pastor.

“It’s mostly all anecdotally based which doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad or wrong” said Dr. Fairchild. “But as a research scientist, I always like to see, okay, what’s the data behind this that can support this theory that he’s putting out there?”

Currently, it is unclear how one’s love language is determined or where it comes from, but Dr. Fairchild believes it may be based on familial relationships.

“I would imagine a lot of it comes from how we’re raised and our studies she found.

One study concluded that the love languages appear to be important for relational mainte nance.

“If your partner needs physi cal touch to feel loved and you don’t give them physical touch, your relationship’s going to be in trouble, but if you do make sure that you give them hugs and caresses and things like that, then your relationship is going to work better” said Dr. Fairchild.

by BRENNA MCNAMARA & KELLY CWIK art by WADE WIEDEMANN

child described

It is important to note that the five love languages were created through a Christian lens strictly about heterosexual relationships. Excluding LGBTQ+ relationships and Dr. Chapman’s ho mophobic views are extremely problematic. Dr. Fairchild agrees that Chapman is problematic, but believes the basic premise of the languages are uni

“I think Chapman is problematic and his book would be problemat ic for homosexual couples because they wouldn’t see themselves in any of the examples or anecdotes but again, the idea of my partner really likes quality time, so I’m going to spend quality time with them.” said Dr. Fairchild. “Right? Certainly it just it’s on face value makes a lot of sense and I think does in that way, have that universal element to it.”

Other studies Dr. Fairchild reviewed had interesting results. For example, when two people in a couple have the same love language, this does not increase relationship satisfaction. Lastly, a study found that when a couple was executing each other’s love language, women felt more relationship satisfaction compared to men.

So, are the five love languages applicable to non-romantic relationships such as friends and family?

Dr. Fairchild found one study during the pandemic where the researcher looked at families who video chatted. He tried to align them with the five love languages and discovered that they behaved in line with the five love languages through video chats. Even though this was the only non-romantic study Dr. Fairchild found, she believes the love languages can be applied to non-romantic relationships.

“The face value of what the five love languages say: these are behaviors and [if] you match them to what the person wants or needs, it’ll make them happy and help your relationships,” said Dr. Fairchild. “So I don’t see why it wouldn’t apply to friendships as well.”

Whether the five love languages are supported by data and factual evidence, it is still fun to potentially learn more about yourself and your partner. Take the quiz, and find out more about your own love language!