Reframe the Argument: Interests Rather than Positions

Most conflicts, especially ones that have escalated, are a battle between entrenched positions. What people want, what must happen, what must change, and so on. The problem is that this leaves you nowhere to go. Everyone digs in, and the argument gets increasingly bitter.

So how do we break the deadlock? The key to unlocking it is to try and identify what concerns and/or interests lie behind the positions. Instead of arguing about opposing solutions, try to reframe the discussion back to the requirements: what’s important here? What are we trying to solve, or avoid? There’s a good chance you can find some mutual interests that you can agree on. That gives you an opportunity to shift from a why we can’t agree, to a how we can discussion. The problemsolving partnership can be restored.

The ‘time out’ I mentioned before gives you the chance to think about what might be important to the other party. What concerns or interests might be behind their position? What questions can you ask to check those concerns and explore alignment? This is a technique I use a lot in workplace mediations, and it’s very effective.

Of course, this is just a quick introduction to these techniques. If you would like to get help with a conflict at work, or if you sense something brewing, get in touch for a confidential conversation with no cost or obligation.