Resolving Conflict at Work

by Jim Moore, Employee Relations Expert at Hamilton Nash

In last month’s magazine, I wrote about four cognitive biases that we all have. They cause us to get into disagreements because they make us assume that our view of the world is correct, and an opposing view is wrong. I’m a workplace investigator and mediator, and I specialise in managing conflict within businesses. In this month’s article, I’m going to introduce techniques you can use to de-escalate conflict.

De-escalate Before you try to Resolve

At first, when we disagree with someone, there’s no anger involved. We assume the other person has simply misunderstood and we can set them straight. Of course, they’re thinking the same thing, and so the disagreement continues. Then the negative emotions bubble up, and we can see the other person as an adversary that must be defeated. It becomes a matter of principle!

The problem is that it is hard to have a rational discussion when we’re being influenced by irrational emotions. The first thing you need to do is try to take some of the heat out of the situation.

The Power of “Time Out”

When you are butting heads and people are getting hot under the collar, calling a ‘time out’ can be a very effective de-escalation technique.

Something like:

“Okay, let me take some time to think about what you’ve said. Let’s get back together in 30 minutes”.

This is a useful technique because:

- It allows time for any emotion to dissipate

- It allows you (and them) some thinking time

- It sends a powerful signal that you are listening to what they’re saying

- They’re more likely to listen to you when you reconvene

The beauty of this is that you don’t have to admit you’re wrong in order to defuse the situation!

When the conversation resumes, the other party will usually be more receptive to listening to you. Now, this technique only helps take the heat out of the situation, but the time it buys you gives you a chance to think about closing the gap with your opponent.