Pink Chair Storytellers :: The Advocacy Issue 2024

SHE SAID I Will Help FOSTER CHILDREN DESI MOMS THE HUNGRY REFUGEES THE HOMELESS PERIOD POVERTY OUR PLANET KINSHIP FAMILIES

World Class INSTRUCTION

BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU & MUAY THAI

KIDS AGES 3+, WOMEN, ADULT & FAMILY CLASSES

Introductory & First Class Free!

Fun, Energizing & Inspiring Classes

Best Fitness & Yoga Teachers

Welcoming & Encouraging Environment

Where is the Pink Chair?

THAT MAGICAL INVITING SAFE PERSUASIVE SUPPORTIVE EMBRACING ICONIC

The Pink Chair at the Studio

The Pink Chair was at photographer Stephanie C. Olsen’s studio in Rockland, MA, hosting Taylor and her youngest son, Hal. The photoshoot with Hal and Taylor, joined by Dad Steve (Taylor and Steve were high school sweethearts), was joyful. We couldn’t stop smiling at the way Taylor and Hal looked at each other.

Taylor and Steve shared that Hal’s progress has been remarkable. Hal was born with Tatton Brown Rahman Syndrome (TBRS), a rare genetic disease. As a matter of fact, Hal was the 60th individual in the world to be diagnosed with TBRS. Hal’s condition is so rare that Taylor said she and Steve weren’t sure what he would be capable of. “He slowly made progress with therapies and began to move his arms. Over time, he went from not being able to move to kneeling, sitting on his own, and then standing with support. His progress has been amazing; he’s a little champion.”

The Arc of the South Shore began working with Hal and his family after a long stay in NICU following birth, but due to COVID, his physical therapy was done virtually for the first year. Hal graduated from The Arcʼs early intervention program at age three and today attends a school in Hingham, MA. He is learning sign language, continues with speech therapy, and loves to hug the Build-aBear from a recent field trip!

Photo: Stephanie C. Olsen

The Clean Team

THAT MAGICAL INVITING SAFE PERSUASIVE SUPPORTIVE EMBRACING ICONIC

At The Arc Summer Soirée

The Pink Chair joined South Shore businesses, community leaders, and restaurants at the Summer Soirée for THE ARC OF THE SOUTH SHORE. Pink Chair Storytellers was proud to be a part of the celebration that encourages us all to become a “Friend of The Arc.” The Arc helps individuals living with intellectual and developmental disabilities live their best lives. The Arc offers services from early intervention to adulthood, including adult foster care, day habilitation, community-based day services, personal care management, and residential supports, among other sevices. The event hosted local businesses, restaurants, and friends that help make the year round programming possible. Included in their friends group, the iconic Pink Chair, lending a supportive and safe place to sit and chat.

At the Corridor 9/495 Regional Chamber BFF Luncheon

PCS Chief Editor, Bridget Ryan Snell, spoke to guests at the CORRIDOR 9/495 CHAMBER OF COMMERCE’S BUSINESS FORWARD FEMALE (BFF) Luncheon in May. Bridget discussed the importance of personal storytelling as a way to keep history accurate but also control our narratives.

“I notice information is curated by algorithms and purchase histories. The collective put themselves in a position to determine what I should know about the world around me based on where I was raised, in which school system I was educated, and what brands of clothing and hygiene products I purchase,” said Bridget. “History is best told by those who live it and history is best kept by those who seek out the stories.”

On the Radio with Carrie Rowan

PCS founders Marci Goldberg Bracken and Bridget Ryan Snell were guest on the podcast “LOOK FOR THE GOOD WITH MINDSET COACH CARRIE ROWAN.” Carrie, Marci, and Bridget talked about how to reclaim our narratives and share our truths through an empowering and safe platform like Pink Chair Storytellers. Listeners get a breakdown of how telling our personal stories can impact the way history is recorded, how communities are built, and how genuine connections are made. Visit DreamVisions7Radio.com to listen to the episode.

Follow PCS on Instagram @PinkChairStorytellers and Facebook at PinkChairStorytellers. Sign up for our newsletter at PinkChairStorytellers.com to find the Pink Chair and its friends at the next event. Where is the Pink Chair?

Unique. Beautiful. You

Where is the Pink Chair?

The Pink Chair Gallery at Frame Center

PCS was honored to participate in The Frame Center’s Blue Ribbon Art Show, the evening reception that kicked off the Annual Hanover Day Festival. The Pink Chair Gallery at The Frame Center featured four local women artists whose work has appeared in Just a Moment, the PCS art and prose sections.

Artist Chana Snyder was also the cover artist for the premiere issue of Living Crue Magazine, the magazine’s former moniker, casting the Pink Chair as a safe landing spot in an abstract sea of sensory-rich color and texture with her pastels. The original piece for the limited-print premiere magazine is on display at The Pink Chair Gallery. The gallery hosts several of Chanaʼs pastel portraits, still life, homes, and animals, allowing the viewer to see the intimate details of each face and each moment as she sees them. Chana is a past Storyteller (“I Am Healing,” The Identity Issue 2022), sharing her story of beating breast cancer. She is an artist member of NYCʼs Salmagundi Club and a member of the Pastel Society of America.

Artist and children’s book author Amanda Davis illustrated the cover of The Connections Issue 2023, putting the Pink Chair on top of the world over a collage of women’s stories from past issues of PCS. Amanda is the author of the inspired children’s book, “Moonlight Memories” about a young girlʼs healing journey after the loss of a parent. Amandaʼs second book, “30,000 Stitches,” follows the flag from Ground Zero in the months after 9/11, around the country where it was restored using retired flags from communities around the nation. More of Amanadaʼs art and photography can be found in the Pink Chair Gallery.

Our premiere magazine was filled with street art from around the world by Karen Wong (“Walk with Me,” The Identity Issue 2022). Lovers of people watching, street murals, and the captured moments on the street, will be drawn to Karenʼs photography from Haiti, Hawaii, Chile, China, Hong Kong, Afghanistan, and the midwest of the U.S.

The watercolor and acrylic landscapes by artist and past Storyteller (“We Are Living History” The Connections Issue 2023) Dassie Abelson allow the viewer to leap from the beaches of the Cape and the ponds of Pembroke to the shores of Provincetown. The award-winning artistʼs watercolors and acrylics hang in restaurants and galleries around the South Shore. She is a member of the South Shore Art Center and the Hull Art Association.

The Pink Chair Gallery remained at Frame Center at 152 Rockland Street in Hanover, MA, through the summer. If you missed it, visit the artists at: ChanaSnyderFineArt.com

AmandaDavisArt.com

KarenWongPhotography.smugmug.com

DassieAbelson.com

Edie was born in Lithuania to a Polish mother and Lithuanian father. “My mother gave birth to me there on the farm, not a hospital. My mother said I would stand with a little blue cup while she milked the cows, waiting for fresh milk.”

photo: Bridget Ryan Snell

Edie Burke

Ileft Lithuania in 1937, at the age of three. I traveled with my Mother on a ship bound to meet my father and his brother in America. There was a farm up on Deadhorse Hill where they lived in a barn until they found work and a place to live.

My only memories of the voyage happened one day as I played on the ship’s deck; Someone handed me an orange which I had never seen before. I bounced this “ball” and, to my dismay, watched it roll off the deck into the deep blue ocean! I had never seen anything like the ocean and everything around me. If my mother hadn’t been watching me, I would have jumped in!

When the boat landed in Boston, we stayed with relatives until we could join my father in Worcester, Massachusetts. When we arrived, we stayed with my Aunt Teresa, my father’s sister, on Fifth Avenue. She was kind of old; I don’t think she lived too long after we arrived.

When the boat landed in Boston, where we stayed for a short time until we met up with my father in Worcester. We lived with my Aunt Teresa on Fifth Avenue. She was kind of old; I don’t think she lived too long after we arrived. There was a girl my age living next door that I played with. She spoke in English and I spoke in Polish. We never knew what the other was saying, but we got along! I recall that my Mom became friendly with a few Italian ladies who were good to her. Among the many things they taught my Mom was the English language, but best of all, they taught my mom how to cook Italian style, especially spaghetti and meatballs!

My father was hired at American Steel & Wire Company. Shortly thereafter, we moved to Ward Street. I walked every day to Millbury Street School. Mom always walked with me to and from school because I did not know English. We next lived in a three-decker on Raymond Street that my father bought from our Swedish Landlord, near The Lithuanian Church, Our Lady of Wilma. It became my first real home in the US.

I was not an only child! When I was six years old and attending grade one at Millbury School, my Mother gave birth to my little sister, Joan. My sister and I were good pals. Joan never married and passed away in her sixties from cancer.

I attended junior high school and high school on Vernon Street, followed by Commerce High School. While I was in high school, I recall that a girl wanted me to attend a field hockey class with her. We didn’t know a thing about that sport, but we were picked for the team. We played against many city teams and many school teams and it wasn’t long before my friend and I were on the girl’s basketball and softball teams.

When I was a youngster, I met nuns at church, and from then on I always wanted to be a nun. Being a nun

was always on my mind. When I told my parents, I remember quite vividly that my Dad threw his shoe across the table at me. My parents drove me to Brockton and as we approached our Lady of Sorrow Convent, I made sure that I threw my last cigarette out the window!

“I played with a girl my age who lived next door. She spoke to me in English and I spoke to her in Polish. We never knew what the other was saying, but we got along!”

The Reverend Mother helped me to exchange my lay clothes for my Novitiate habit and took me to a large room which was divided into private living areas for each Novice. I soon met the nun who had charge of me to learn the ropes. She taught me Latin praises and the Gregorian Chant. After six months, the Bishop gave me the Postulant’s habit, Rosary beads, and a white veil. Six months later, the Bishop came for a most important ceremony in which I was given my name Sister Marie Damion of the Good Shepards. During the ceremony, I professed my vows of Chasity, Poverty, and Obedience before the Bishop who blessed and consecrated me.

As a Novitiate, I engaged in hiding a cute kitten from Reverend Mother! We cleverly used our long flowing skirts to hide the kitten during mealtimes. Reverend Mother was not fooled and allowed us to keep the kitten away from any and all mainstream activity. The cute, fluffy, kitten grew quickly into a cute, chubby ca and Reverend Mother ordered us to find itl a home quickly because she looked pregnant! My parents were the lucky winners and informed me that our cute kitten was a male, so no kittens and no more worries!

I was in the convent for 18 years and enjoyed my life. I taught kindergarten and first grade at a nearby Parish School and did different daily chores around the Convent. Reverend Mother also involved me in the care of patients at a nursing home and later as a Nurse Practitioner in a nearby Boston hospital. I became a full-fledged nurse and my fellow nurses dubbed me “The White Tornado!” I could give injections, enemas, some prescription medicines and more items lightning fast.

Life passed by quickly, and soon, my nursing was needed for my mom. After Reverend Mother granted me a six-month leave to care for her, I was required to meet with the Bishop in the Chancery to remove my vows. I never returned to convent life. My parents needed me.

My sister told me I needed to get out and do something. So we started playing golf. She kept trying to fix me up with this guy. I told her I wasn’t looking for anybody, but she bothered me, so I told her, “Ok, tell him to call me.” So he and I went out to eat. We dated for two or three years. My parents loved him. When he proposed. I said, “I can’t; I have to take care of my parents.” He said he would help. What would you do if a guy said that? I kept him. We were married for about 40 years.

STORYTELLERS PINK CHAIR

FROM BRIDGET

Co-Founders

Marci Goldberg Bracken

Bridget Ryan Snell

Chief Marketing Officer

Marci Goldberg Bracken

Chief Editor

Bridget Ryan Snell

Associate Editor

Laura Bissell

Design

Bridget Ryan Snell

Advisory Board and Consultants

Barb Chan

Patricia Norins Clapp

Kristie Dean

Lahaja Furaha

Alisha Kelly

Sales

Marci Goldberg Bracken

Nicole Andersen ISSN 2833-4787

Copyright 2024. The Pink Chair logo is a trademarked property of The Waiting Room Media, LLC. Pink Chair Storyteller Magazine is published 3 times per year in print and online at www.pinkchairstorytellers.com. Combined digital and print advertising opportunities, as well as sponsored content opportunities, are available. Rates are available upon request by emailing marci@pinkchairstorytellers.com or by calling 617.939.6193.

One memory of my childhood remains constant and clear: I wanted to join the Peace Corps. I can tell you how the call came to me: Music.

On that morning of April 5, 1985, I spun the dial on the radio from my father’s stack sound system and wherever it stopped, I heard “We Are the World.” Every station played the song together that day. USA for Africa told us to “heed a certain call.” That same year, 2 billion people in dozens of countries watched Live Aid. It was one of those “where were you” moments. The year after that, “Hands Across America.” I was saturated by the most effective form of communication for me.

The stories that music told me about hunger and poverty around the world have been unmatched in 40 years. Music has always had the ability to raise my arm hair and my desire to solve the woes of the world (and listen: Whether you liked these campaigns or not, and I know they weren't without controversy it successfully raised awareness of and gave an opportunity to feel good about being part of a solution).

I’ve shared a few stories with you about my teen years, fighting styrofoam, climate change, and Desert Storm, but Peace Corps did not work out for me. I was distracted with finding my way around adulting and figuring out my voice at 20, 30, and 40 years old. I wonder if this is a common story for many men and women who, as we age and enter new phases of our lives, change our definitions of advocacy. In my teens, I was active and vocal. By my 30s, my activism was about calling for policy change from my computer and my phone. Now, in my 50s, I’m writing checks and checking a box on sign-up forms. All of these are effective in their own ways. The point is, I don’t stop.

The first class of Pink Chair Advocates’ stories are much different from mine. These nine women followed through with that “something” intrinsic in their innards. Each woman told me their activism came from a force they can’t describe.

I’d like to hear from you after reading. Tell me how you felt when you found out that there are thousands of girls missing school each month because they don't have a pad or tampon. Write down what you thought when it hit you that a quality, early childhood education isn't a right, but a privilege for those with an address. Tell us who you called when you read that a foster child gets 10 minutes’ notice to pack a bag with everything they own to a strange home (and maybe for the 12th time).

And please tell us the joy you felt when you checked off one of the boxes on our Catalyst List! Each honoree put together a list of ways you can be part of the solution ways to fit your level of energy, time, and resources. Follow them on social media, get their missions into your feeds, and let the algorithm gods do their best. Let’s brag on these women for the impact they are making on the South Shore.

And that cover, amiright? I wish you could have been there with us during the photoshoot. These women met for the first time, but before it was over, they had formed a powerhouse of a village that I know will help each one of them move mountains for your neighbors and mine. It was an emotional union and I can’t wait to hear those stories.

Join me in honoring these women by sharing their stories with your friends and family, your coworkers, and perhaps the matching gifts officer at your company. And don't forget to write!

We are Storytellers. Stories bring us together (for good)!

Bridget

FROM MARCI

Growing up, I remember hearing the adults talking about their older years as their “second act.” I never understood the term then, but now, with so many changes in my life throughout the past couple of years, I decided it was time to take stock. Conduct a bit of a job review or “evaluation” as some might say. In my analysis, I have discovered a few things that I thought I would share. For me, these discoveries were cool realizations.

This is not the second act. Are you kidding? This is my first act. Everything up to this point was practice, the rehearsal. I have been rehearsing for this first act all my life! In the rehearsal, I made all the mistakes! I didn’t know my lines or the choreography. I was lost. I am proud to say I have spent time trying new things. Now, let me be clear: At the time I had no idea what I was doing. I was as lost as lost could be. There was a long period of time in my late twenties to my early thirties that I changed my life plan almost daily. I quit my job and was going to move to Florida. I left Boston and spent some time back in my childhood bedroom only to find myself back in Boston. I then moved to across the country to San Francisco.

I spent a long time angry at the world and considering myself a victim. Life wasn’t happening to me. I was so busy trying to please others while trying to figure out what pleased me, I lost years! Why did others seem to have it so easy? I was wandering through life trying to find myself only to get to my destination to find out, well, there I was. And I still didn’t know who that was!

I would try to find peace with the oddities that life has to offer. I tried to embrace the people and the world around me and “fit in.” I’ve tried different physical looks (I am a child of the 80’s, I had a very strong relationship with Aqua Net for some time). I was “preppy” in the ‘80s, then I was “grunge” through the 90’s. I was “corporate” when I entered the workforce. I went to college my freshman year only to find it wasn’t the right place for me and I transferred. I have hung out with people considered “popular” thinking that it was there I would find a feeling of success and accomplishment for reaching the highest of echelons in the hallways. Then, I have spent time in isolation from the pure exhaustion of trying to fit in.

I could go on for pages.

In a few days, I am going to be 50 years old and here is what I know: Now I am ready for the show! I’m ready to be center stage.

I have tried out for more roles than I can remember, forgotten or messed up more lines than I can remember, botched up the choreography by all over the country, and hurt myself (and probably others) along the way. But I am ready. I’m finally ready for my performance.

This is my first act. The act where I know my role, my lines, and what I’ve been rehearsing for. I’m no longer playing a character. I made the mistakes, tried on all the costumes and found who I was meant to play.

Me.

I just need to go out there and be me.

In this role, I know I will give a noteworthy performance. Because it will be authentic, and dare I say, “raw and bold.”

Contributors

Sam Correia

Tess Cruz Foley

Kim Miles

Stephanie C. Olsen

Candy O’Terry

Marie Romilus Cover

Stephanie C. Olsen

Storyteller Portraits

Stephanie C. Olsen

Soul Project Photography

Kristie Dean

Editorial guidelines can be found at PinkChairStorytellers.com and submissions can be sent to bridget@pinkchairstorytellers.com. Subscribe at PinkChairStorytellers.com/ subscribe.

Marci

Kenzie Blackwell of Free. Period poverty is in every zip code.

Shavon Drayton + Jayd Rodrigues of Horizons for Homeless Children. Every child should have access to a high-quality, early education.

Amanda Durante of Wandering Heart Project

A foster child gets 10 minutes and a garbage bag to pack their lives and leave their home.

Kelly Johnson of End Hunger NE and The Community Harvest Project Coming together is the first step to feed our neighbors in need.

Melissa Kaye of The Joshua Kaye Foundation Joshua wanted everyone to be happy and to be a part of the good on this planet.

Bobbie London of South Shore Stars Families don't always look “traditional.” Neither are their needs.

Jaya Pandey of The Desi Moms Network When building a village, put the woman before the child.

Marjean Perhot of Refugee & Immigration Services at Catholic Charities Boston

No one wants to be a refugee and it's not a good time to be an immigrant. So we step in to welcome them.

DINA BRENNAN COLOR NOISE

STORYTELLERS

70 68 72 74 89

Candy O'Terry

Back in the day, Jackie DeShannon sang the hit song “Put a Little Love in Your Heart.” These days, her words carry even more meaning. We need a lot of love to heal the world and it starts with you and me.

Marie Romilus

There are challenges that contribute to individuals in the Black and Brown community to obtain the mental health support they need. One of those challenges is feeling as if your therapist will understand or relate to certain issues that they have experienced.

Tess Cruz Foley

We were told by Black leadership in our community, that when well-meaning white people make racists angry, they get to go home—and be white— and will likely not be the target of the racist anger they just fueled.

Sam Correia

To me, there is no place in the entire world like Provincetown. It is a dream at the end of the world. A holy mythos of beauty and debauchery.

Kim Miles

Dear Brain, Thank you for all that you do. I know your job is super stressful and your boss can sometimes be a real B. But we’re in this together and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You need your beauty rest; it’s a wild world out there.

Give

her the gift

of Storytelling from the PINK CHAIR

Use the code HERGIFT at checkout! We’ll give a year of raw + bold storytelling FREE to your mom or sister or daughter or friend or neighbor or coworker. You know, your person.

SAM CORREIA is the Community Engagement Librarian at the Duxbury Free Library and the newest columnist for PCS. They are passionate about community care, collective liberation, and radical hope for the future. They are the creator and Project Director of the South Shore LGBTQ Oral History Archive, an intergenerational project focused on bringing together LGBTQ teens and LGBTQ elders to participate in oral history interviews, bringing to light long-excluded stories about queer history in Massachusetts communities. Sam is also a co-organizer of the Queer Collective of MA/RI.

TERESA CRUZ FOLEY is a Mexican American behavior analyst and social justice advocate and founder of Brave Space Consulting. Her desire to heal from internalized oppression and supremacy beliefs led her to research best practices DEIB from corporate, HR, education, and individual perspectives, and to create Brave Space Consulting. Tess is the author of “Mindfully Inclusive: Connecting Social Emotional Learning With Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Skill” an evidence-based curriculum.

KIM MILES is the Founder and CEO of the production company, Miles in Heels Productions. She is a highly sought-after keynote and TEDx speaker, emcee, creative collaborator, and event strategist. Kim has more than 20 years experience producing programs for clients, including the Massachusetts Conference for Women, Babson College, the League of Women Voters of Massachusetts, Wellesley College, MassChallenge, Women in Technology International, Colwen Hotels, Regis College, Bryant University Women’s Summit, MetroWest Conference for Women, and many more. She’s a proud member of the WIN Lab Coaching Circle at Babson College as well as the Innovation Women Speakers Bureau.

STEPHANIE C. OLSEN is a Certified Professional and Craftsman Photographer. Her 30-year career has spanned from family portraits and weddings to commercial clients, including Talbots and Wahlburgers. In her most recent decade, she has specialized in women’s portraits. Her women’s portrait experiences have been called “transformative,” “life changing,” and “cathartic.” Whether it’s a beauty or boudoir session, women leave the studio saying it was one of the best days of their lives. Stephanie is a South Shore native. A people person by heart. Hostess by Hobby. Stephanie currently lives in Rockland with her studio just behind her home. She enjoys her home and garden with her husband, Todd, and daughter, Natalie.

CANDY O'TERRY Known as “Boston’s Beloved Radio Voice,” Candy O is a recent inductee into the Massachusetts Broadcasters Hall of Fame. An award-winning radio broadcaster, podcaster, master interviewer, and singer, her music has been played around the world. She and her daughter Colleen are the co-authors of the children’s book “Nelson’s Garden.” A 25-year veteran of Magic 106.7/WMJX, Candy is the Founder of My Dove Productions and the Candy O Radio Network. She’s the host of the weekly podcast and syndicated radio series “The Story Behind Her Success,” “The Speaker Coach” podcast, “16 Life Lessons Motivation Monday” feature, and the Nashville-based podcast series “Country Music Success Stories.”

MARIE ROMILUS, MA, CPC, is the founder of Bel Lavi Life Coaching. Her practice focuses on bringing more awareness of mental health to the Black and Brown Communities. Born in Portau-Prince, Haiti, and raised in the U.S. on Cape Cod, Marie incorporates her heritage and culture into her practice to provide the best mental health services. Marie is a regular contributor to PCS, where she reflects on topics of belonging through personal storytelling. Marie’s stories are her truth.

The NEXT CHAPTER

KEEPING YOU UPDATED ON OUR STORYTELLERS! Her story is not done!

A First Book!

We published the poem “Self-Portrait of the Poet, Looking at a Photo of Herself” by Poet SARA LETOURNEAU in The Advocacy Issue 2022. The poet and writing coach has since won several awards for her poetry, including the 2023 Beals Prize for Poetry, and recently announced that her first full-length poetry collection, “Wild Gardens” will be in bookstores this summer! The collection, published by Kelsay Books, features 46 poems, with its cover photographed by South Shore photographer Mike Sleeper.

A synopsis Wild Gardens: “In her inspiring and lyrical debut poetry collection, Sara Letourneau looks at our world and one’s life experiences with empathy and wide-open eyes. The book allows us to inhabit terrain that is physical—the shores of Cape Cod, the lava fields of Iceland, parks in Massachusetts and New York City— and emotional. Poems about grief, love, and mental health coexist with poems about travel, spirituality, and the natural world like flowers in a nursery. Wild Gardens shows us how to live with wonder, perceptiveness, and gratitude for the extraordinary and the everyday.”

The collection is the next read for fans of Mary Oliver, Ada Limón, and Aimee Nezhukumatathil. Keep up with Saraʼs work at HeartoftheStoryEditorial.com.

A First Film!

In The Advocacy Issue 2022, Storyteller BETH LANE, an actor and filmmaker, posed the question “Would you hide me?” At the time, Beth was writing and creating a documentary chronicling the story of seven Weber siblings— Beth's mother, Ginger, is the youngest of the Weber children—who, following their mother’s murder at Auschwitz, evaded capture and death by being hidden in a laundry hut by a German farmer and his wife.

“Unbroken” had its World Premier at The Heartland International Film Festival on October 8th, 2023. one day after the terrorist organization, Hamas, attacked Israel. Beth's film has earned more than 17 film festival awards.

Beth and her family also established The Weber Family Arts Foundation in March of 2023, with the mission to combat antisemitism and hate by driving awareness, engagement, and activism through the

arts. “Unbroken” was made in association with MakeMake Productions (“Freedom on Fire,” “The Greatest Night in Pop”) and was directed by Beth.

Follow Beth on Instagram @bethlanefilm and visit BethLaneFilm.com to view the trailer and find out where you can view the documentary.

A New Show!

Last year, JTV host, actress, and animal rights activist ALLYSON SPELLMAN shared in a personal essay how she followed the call to protect animals from abuse and extinction in The Advocacy Issue 2023. This year, Allyson announced she is the creator and host of the new, unscripted series “Rescue the Rescue” with Little Studio Films International. Allyson tells us the series will “showcase the heart behind animal rescues across the country, but will also help them in a very unique way.” “We are looking forward to bringing this series to life and bringing animal rescues joy and renewed hope to continue their work and create miracles out of the most challenging situations.”

Little Studios co-founder Alexia Melocchi serves as Executive Producer. Alexia says, “Stories about animal

EXPERIENCED: Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Relationship Issues, Life Transitions

APPOINTMENTS: Children, Teens, Adults through Seniors

CONVENIENT: In-person and Telehealth Sessions

CARING: Speak with our Practice Administrator for personal service

The NEXT CHAPTER

advocacy and the people who make a difference in the space need to be told by true animal advocates. Allyson is the perfect host and partner for this venture because we both share the same passion for this worthy cause.”

Filming begins in September, so be sure to follow Allyson on Instagram @allysonspellman to follow the creation and vote for a shelter, rescue, or sanctuary from your area.

A Broadcasting Legend!

Bostonʼs Beloved Voice, PCS columnist, radio and podcast host, author, singer, and actress CANDY O'TERRY was inducted into the Massachusetts Broadcasters Hall of Fame at the 2024 Massachusetts Broadcasters Association.

Each issue of Pink Chair Storytellers features a story from Candy O, including her story of battling breast cancer (“Boston's Beloved Voice Does Not Whisper,” The Identity Issue 2024).

Known as Boston’s Beloved Radio Voice, Candy is an award-winning radio broadcaster, podcaster, master interviewer, and singer, her music has been played around the world. She and her daughter Colleen are the coauthors of the illustrated children’s book Nelson’s Garden. A 25-year veteran of Magic 106.7/WMJX, Candy is the Founder of My Dove Productions and the Candy O Radio Network. She’s the host of “The Story Behind Her Success” weekly podcast and syndicated radio series, “The Speaker Coach” podcast, 16 Life Lessons Motivation Monday feature, and the Nashville-based podcast series “Country Music Success Stories.” Candy is the recipient of 70 local and national awards for excellence in women’s programming. She proudly serves on the Council for Women of Boston College, EMPOWER and Dream BIG. A lifelong advocate in the fight against breast cancer, Candy became a breast cancer survivor in 2024 and proudly supports The Ellie Fund. The consummate performer, Candy never met a microphone she didn’t love!

expert balayages · natural-looking color + highlights · extensions · color corrections · lived-in blondes · keratin treatments · brazilian blowouts

Making the South Shore more beautiful since 2021. (you’re welcome)

124 Washington Street Norwell (781)421-3326 RemedySalonNorwell.com book online!

Curated selection of pipes, rolling supplies, storage solutions, candles, and more!

Want an update on a Storyteller? Email Chief Editor Bridget Ryan Snell at bridget@pinkchairstorytellers.com and we’ll get one!

Are you interested in sharing your story? Perhaps you don’t know how to start or what message you want to gift our readers? The first step is to email Chief Editor Bridget Ryan Snell at bridget@pinkchairstorytellers.com. Bridget will work with you and guide you through the process of personal Storytelling. Storytelling is a gift!

Style by Timmons Caroline Style by Agen Sydney

Ask the Expert Navigating the Private School Admissions Journey

Jennie Donegan, the Director of Enrollment at The Woodward School for Girls in Quincy, shares helpful tips for navigating the private school admissions process.

Private school admissions can be a daunting journey. Private institutions often have selective admissions processes that evaluate a range of criteria, from academic achievement to extracurricular involvement and character. Here are some helpful hints to help navigate your journey with your child.

Understanding the Process

Admissions criteria vary widely among private schools, but generally include academic transcripts from the current year and the year before, recommendations from your child’s math teacher, English teacher, and their guidance counselor or principal, a student and parent interview, personal essays, and sometimes standardized testing.

Research

Plan to start the research process at least a year ahead. Open houses usually start in late September or early October. Make a checklist of what is important to you and your child--for example; rigorous academics, small class sizes, religious affiliation, transportation/accessibility to public transportation, athletics, clubs, academic offerings, the arts, STEM/STEAM etc. Attend as many events as possible. Take advantage of shadow days or group visits as this gives your child a sense of the true culture of the school and what life is like day to day.

The Application

Detailed attention to the application is crucial. Essays should be reflective, personal, and polished to exhibit the student’s unique voice and perspective. If your child is on an IEP/504, make sure the school is able to accommodate their needs. Remember, it’s about finding the “right fit” for your child.

Testing

Many private schools require standardized tests (e.g., SSAT or ISEE). Preparing for these involves practice and maybe even tutoring. These scores are not a deciding factor; however, test scores give schools further insight into areas of strength, or where support may be required.

Interview

The student interview is a chance to make a personal impression, so students should be themselves, articulate their interests clearly, and demonstrate curiosity about the school. If the school offers a parent interview, this is your chance to “brag” about your child and what makes them who they are. The more a school knows about your child’s accomplishments, interests, and strengths, the more they will stand out in the admissions process.

Decision Time!

After applications are submitted, the waiting begins. It’s nerve-wracking, but maintain a positive attitude. If your child is accepted, plan to attend any revisit days that are offered to solidify your decision. If your child is waitlisted, you have the option to remain on the waitlist, or be removed. Oftentimes placement on the waitlist means your child is the right fit, there just aren’t enough spaces, and waitlists do have movement. If your child is denied, try to consider that this may not have been the right school for them to reach their true potential.

Navigating private school admissions is about finding the right fit for your child’s needs. By understanding the journey, preparing diligently, and showcasing their unique strengths, students can maximize their chances of admission to a school that aligns with their goals and aspirations.

2024 ADVOCATES PINK CHAIR

Pink Chair Storytellers is proud to recognize these 9 women for their unending commitment to the missions that care for our neighbors in need.

We believe that all of us are advocates and that finding a solution to a problem affecting our neighbor is inborn. Advocacy may look different to me and you, but it’s through many hands and voices that we build a strong community. That’s true.

The Advocacy Issue 2024 is the first to honor women in your community for the missions that have become more than their jobs and the work that has become an identity. We found these extraordinary people through conversations with our sponsors and past Storytellers. With each nomination, we found joy in her dedication and hard truth in her mission. We encourage you to spend time after each story scanning the code on the Catalyst opportunities listed at the end of each spotlight. Learn more about the missions that move you.

And then talk about what you learned. Each woman we met told us some of the most important work starts with

a conversation. Talk about the hard truths. Normalize a conversation about period poverty. Talk openly to your friend about how early education may forget the homeless child. Post something on your social media about how a foster kid’s life will change with a moment’s notice and with mere minutes to pack what they can of the life they know. There’s no benefit to staying silent about these realities.

After months of getting to know each of these women, we were thrilled to put them together for a day of photos and connection. With each arrival and introduction, the energy in the studio was electrifying—they shared stories, hugs, tears, and joy for each other. At the end of the day, they were sisters, and today, they remain connected. Meet the 2024 Pink Chair Advocates and join us in recognizing their dedication. Please share their missions with friends and family.

Honoree Portraits and cover photo: Stephanie C. Olsen

Her Mission: End Period Poverty Free. (Free, period)

KENZIE

KENZIE BLACKWELL is a Tennessee native, which means advocacy is built into her geographical DNA. When we learned of her work to end period poverty, we saw big numbers. Numbers like 2,901,825— the number of period products distributed since 2021. And $500,000—the grant awarded to her mission by the state of Massachusetts. And how about this number: 180. The school days missed because of a period by the time she graduates. That’s an academic year. That puts her behind in the classroom, affects her grades, SAT scores, scholarship opportunities, even MCAS scores. The numbers are big, but the impact is bigger for each girl who misses school because they don’t have access to a tampon. This is real. Real big. It’s time for big conversations.

Ours begins here.

How did you discover period poverty?

Those are great questions to start this conversation. I was a school counselor and worked in a high school that served under-resourced kids in Cambridge. So it should have been something on my radar. I had never read a story about it, I had never seen it on the news. Period poverty just wasn’t something I was aware of.

In 2019, I was volunteering at Hope and Comfort with my daughter helping to stock all sorts of hygiene products that are not covered by any sort of benefit program. They provide items like soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, all of those products that provide dignity to life and help kids engage in the day-to-day. While in their warehouse I saw stacks of shampoo and other items and there was this comparatively small bin of period products. And I just happened to mention, “Oh, do you need those, too?” Their warehouse worker, who was giving us a tour said, “Let me tell you what’s happening. There are thousands of children in Massachusetts who don’t go to school because they don’t have access to period products.” That is period poverty, and looking back, I should have known about it.

You say “should have”?

It’s something that somebody should have been talking about long before now—it’s not up to the kids struggling to access products to have the conversation. It’s up to the adults in the room to advocate for children.

I get emotional thinking about it. In this moment in history where we are trying to think about equity and equal access to so many things, here is this hard truth, that having a period makes it difficult for 1 in 4 kids to get an education. The point in a student’s education when menstruation begins can start a snowball effect of having to play catchup really early. It is easy to understand how 20 years down the road, not having a pad in seventh grade can really affect your life. So, I should have known that so many people are living with this struggle and so many of the kids, some of whom I know were in my care at some point and were struggling too, but didn’t feel empowered enough to ask or talk about or seek assistance. It was one of those things I should have known at some point in my

life because period poverty exists in every zip code in America. Sitting in a classroom, going to a friend’s house, going swimming—all of those things become a struggle because we don’t cover those products with benefits in this country.

I call that moment in the warehouse my “Mack truck moment” because it really did hit me like I was just run into by a big truck. I was like, “Okay, I’ve got to do something about that, let me see what’s happening on the South Shore.”

A couple of weeks later, Covid happened. I went into survival mode just like everybody else, but I could not shake the idea that there were people in my town that probably weren’t going to school because they have a period.

There was this voice in my head that just wouldn’t let go. So I just started calling local food pantries and community resource centers. Within five phone calls, I had 700 people identified who needed access to period products every month. That’s 700 people, 12 times a year. I brought this information to St. John’s saying we’ve got a problem and nobody is formally addressing this on the South Shore. They gave me the green light to create a new ministry, so Free. (pronounced Free Period) was born. I started posting on the town Facebook page with information about period poverty in our area. “Did you know that kids aren’t going to school? We have parents not going to work. People skip after school activities or celebrations because they don’t have access to pads or tampons!” These truths are just unthinkable. And for me, it was one of those times where privilege smacked me in the face. I’ve never had to think about it. And it really, really got to me. And it got to everybody who read my Facebook posts too.

The community response was just amazing. A group of Hingham High School kids saw the posts and organized a period product drive and, within four weeks, there were 15,000 period products in my dining room. And I thought, okay, Free. is going to be one-and-done or will become a yearly period product drive that we do at St. John’s. But things just kept coming in. When the Patriot Ledger ran an article about us, Senator O’Connor saw it and reached out with the question, “What can the state do?” We then had a conversation about

supporting pending legislation to mandate products in school restrooms, state prisons, and shelters. (Yes, our state prisons aren’t required to provide period products to those who are incarcerated). Senator O’Connor immediately signed on as a co-sponsor of the I AM bill An Act to Increase Access to disposable Menstrual products and has since been a vocal supporter to get products where they should already be (just like toilet paper). He has also advocated for funding for our work for the last three years.

Give me a scenario where a seventh grader doesn’t have period products, misses school, and then?

If you do the math, a 7th grade student missing just three days of school each month through 12th grade adds up to exactly 180 days, which is a full academic school year. I always put three days out there because I give people the benefit of a weekend. We all know that periods aren’t that predictable, so for many it’s a full 5 days out. That’s how impactful this can be for somebody who doesn’t have access. Students can be a full academic year behind by the time they graduate. And just think about having to play catch up every month.

The simple solution to this is to put pads in the restroom. When a kid is in school, they would have access to period care and they can go learn with dignity. One of our student ambassadors in Norwell was talking about her friend missing class, but they didn’t report the real reason why. (And why should she have to?) Students would rather just have the unexcused absence and take the detention or zero on the assignment rather than admit their absence was only because they didn’t have a pad. This is happening and kids are struggling, and it’s up to us, the adults, to start talking about it. We have to demand that product access is made available because it should be a right and not a privilege for students with periods to go to school and learn with dignity.

What is the general reaction from teachers you tell about period poverty?

Teachers and school nurses have been silently meeting this need for decades but I’m not sure until recently everyone understood how widespread period poverty is across the state. Until Free., for most school districts it was employees in the schools, the angels among us who are educating our children, silently trying their best to meet the need. Schools have been very thankful to receive products from us because educators and nurses have been spending up to $1,000 a year of their own income to make sure kids can go to class.

After about a year of operations, word of our program began to spread and requests from schools started coming in at rates we couldn’t keep up with. We were lucky to form a very strong relationship with about 50% of school districts in the state. Our line of

communication is with school nurses and not necessarily teachers, but the nurses are speaking on behalf of the teachers who are also helping to bridge this gap.

To help project inventory needs and get a better look into the impact of period poverty in Massachusetts, we did our own research. In the spring of 2023, we sent a survey to every school district in the state through school nurses and we received 360 responses. We found 92% of schools are not equipped to meet the needs of their menstruating students in Massachusetts. And the majority of the respondents, our school nurses, are paying out of pocket to have supplies in their nursing offices. That’s just too much of a burden.

We took this research to the state and said “This is the burden that is being placed on educators across the state.” Those findings helped Senator O’Connor secure $500,000 in the FY24 state budget for us. We were able to work with South Shore based UNICORN to use this funding for a distribution of 1.9 million organic and chemical free products. These all went out in one week, to 300 schools, Boys and Girls Clubs, and YWCAs. Free. is doing this so that school nurses, teachers, and employees don’t have to pay out of pocket anymore to keep kids in school with dignity.

How will products be given to the girls who are too embarrassed to ask?

In the fall of 2023, Free. initiated the Teal Circle Project, a silent signal project, for this very reason. We strongly feel period products should be in restrooms like toilet paper, but not every school is ready to go there yet. So we are meeting schools where they are. The Teal Circle Project is just a single teal circle sticker that doesn’t have our logo or anything on it, it’s just a teal dot. If you have products in your space, we ask that you place the dot in a visible location like a teacher’s door or even on their desk so people know that they can come into that space and get what they need. Schools that we send products to are given signs to print and post in their restrooms so students know what the teal circle means. We had about 200 schools participate in the program last year.

I’m going to rewind a little bit. You said that you needed to do “something” and began this huge mission. Were you raised to follow that voice?

I was raised in East Tennessee, and our state mascot is the Volunteer. So, yes, I can say that. The identity as a Volunteer has always been part of my DNA. You see a need, so you just volunteer. I was raised to look for ways to help the community and give back. I had great parents who always put community service first. I also strongly feel every human on this planet deserves equity. They deserve love. They deserve respect.

What is your advice to the women who are looking

for, after they hear your story, ways to give back?

Well, I always say to everyone, “Do what you can, when you can.” When you take on volunteerism, it should be something that you feel personally connected to and that brings you joy. It shouldn’t be a burden. You also have to understand it’s not up to you as an individual to change the world. That’s not a task that any one of us can do alone. It takes all hands doing a little bit to make a big change.

Simply having conversations, and it doesn’t have to be conversations with elected officials, it’s those moments over cocktails or while walking at the park with your friend. The, “Hey, did you know?” conversation on Facebook started this all in motion and it will only grow when more people do the same. As we start talking about this, it starts to normalize the conversation. It brings awareness to the issue. That seems like a very low lift, but it can be an emotionally big lift because periods are still such a stigmatized issue even for us as women in our later years.

Talking about menstruation is something that a lot of people still struggle with. I was listening to an interview with UNICORN, and someone asked “How do you destigmatize this in your own personal conversations? I struggle to even talk about it still.” It hit me that I’ve been talking about this so much for the last three years that it’s just a normal part of conversations for me. In our house, I have a teenage son who goes to an all-boys school, and it is so normal to him and his peers that they wrote a letter to the State House to support the I AM bill. If we can start having these conversations and getting it out there, then people pay attention. And by talking to our children, it makes it easy for them because we model leadership. My daughter is in middle school and her friends hand each other pads and tampons like it’s nothing No one needs to be protected from knowing about menstruation, so by talking about it we are advocating for something bodies do naturally. Talking about periods empowers kids with periods to live life without stigma. So, when you feel that hesitation to have the conversation, ask yourself, “who does this help if I don’t talk about it?”

Because conversation spreads like wildfire. Is this a full-time mission for you?

I would say yes, but it doesn’t feel like a full time job because I feel like I was put into this position for a reason. And I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really feel like things are coming together for the I AM bill to pass soon. Free. will be made obsolete because it should be obsolete. Free. should not have to exist. I tell everybody, I will volunteer my time to do this until we run out of money or we are no longer needed. I do it with full motivation and passion because we have to make it better for the students out there, especially those living with period poverty. It’s not up to them to advocate for their needs. It’s up to the decision makers in the room to do so.

This isn’t the whole story! Visit PinkChairStorytellers.com for the entire conversation between Kenzie and Bridget. There’s more to know!

The Clean Team

Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning

□ EMAIL US to receive notifications about volunteer opportunities

□ HOST a Packing Party or Awareness Event!

□ HOST a Product Drive or fundraiser

□ MONEY Donations can be sent to The Episcopal Parish of St. John the Evangelist, c/o Free. 172 Main Street, Hingham MA 02043. (Please note Free. in the memo line). Credit/Debit card donations can be made through our website

□ PERIOD PRODUCTS Donations can be left in the wooden donation box located at the side entrance of the church.

#3: USE YOUR VOICE

□ CALL Contact your local Senator and Representative about the I AM bill. (S.2491/H.534) An Act to Increase Access to Menstrual Products in Prisons, Homeless Shelters and Public Schools, ensuring access to free menstrual products to all menstruating individuals in Massachusetts public schools, homeless shelters, and prisons. Visit MALegislature.gov/search/FindMyLegislator

www.freeperiodministry.org

Their Mission: Early Education for Homeless Children

JAYD&SHAVON

Horizons for Homeless Children

Horizons for Homeless Children helps young children experiencing homelessness in Massachusetts by providing a quality, early education, safe spaces for play, and support for their family. Horizon’s early childhood educators, with trauma-informed training, know they will have an impact on the future of every child they meet. That’s a profound responsibility. Reader, let’s not forget that early education should not be a privilege.

But the accessibility of high-quality, early education for every child doesn’t exist right now for ages 0 to 5. And that’s such a critical moment of brain development.

We can’t talk about this as well as JAYD RODRIGUES, Horizon’s Executive Director of Early Education, and SHAVON DRAYTON, their Director of Early Education. Our conversation begins here:

What was it in your life that made you sit where you are today to serve this mission?

Shavon: I am the smallest of my cousin’s group. There were five of us, but I was the one who was always doted on to make sure I was cared for. You see, I have a chronic medical condition, Sickle Cell Disease and because I live with that condition, I actually wanted to be a pediatric hematologist. As I grew, and until I was old enough for college, I was happy with any opportunity I got to be a caregiver. I always did camp counseling in the summer with school-aged children, and that was awesome. But my passion was really to be in medicine. And then when I found that anatomy and physiology was more than I bargained for, I said, “Well, let me go teach!” I had this innate feeling that learning must begin before grade school, so I went into early education and became an infant teacher. Sickle Cell took me out of the classroom after eleven years, which was a big change. But I was able to recognize that while I could no longer pour into the youngest minds of our future directly, I could help better the people who are still able to do that work: the teachers. In 2017 I became an Assistant Director at Horizons and have been truly blessed since.

Jayd: I’m one of five children. I was an immigrant from Cape Verde Islands when I was two and a half. I’ve always been raised with both parents, but it didn’t dawn on me until high school that my parents hardly really saw each other. I got the privilege of seeing them—my mom in the morning, my dad at night. When I was around 12 years old, we suddenly had more kids at our house. And these kids are now my parents' godchildren. I never knew them. Come to find out, they were in foster care. I was very naive, I think very sheltered. They weren’t living with their parents and I thought that was odd. “You don’t live with your parents? Who do you live with?” They shared that they lived in different homes and that the people caring for them mistreated them. Innocently, I asked, “Why don’t you just tell an adult?” From my experience, an adult is the person who keeps you safe. They had told adults and nothing was done. So, in my young mind, I was like, “I’m going to be a good foster parent one day!”

Also like Shavon, I wanted to be a pediatrician, but I

didn’t know the nuances of being a pediatrician outside of a medical setting. I had this very fairy tale idea of what it was like to become a doctor. So, I went into this program called Jumpstart, which is an AmeriCorps program, and I started working with preschoolers. I was mentoring a child and the focus was on literacy. And it really took. I went to Suffolk University, graduated, and was recruited as an early preschool classroom teacher. I did that for a little bit, but the pay was not a livable wage. So I left the field for five years to become a nanny. I was getting paid more, but I wanted to learn more. I am a lifelong learner. So I came to Horizons. Horizons kept me here because they focus on the families and children, and put a lot of emphasis on staff. The folks who are doing the direct service need to know what traumainformed practices are. Horizons kept feeding my brain. I was a teacher for ten years and now I’m a director. I love what I do.

Shavon, what called you to the Horizons mission? Shavon: Jayd did. When was this? Maybe 2007 or 2008.

Jayd:When you were at Urban College?

Shavon: Yeah, that was a long time ago.

Jayd: That’s when I first met you. Yeah. And you left a lasting impression on me.

Shavon: In 2007 or 2008, I took a class to become Director One certified, and I met Jayd at Urban College of Boston in the same course. We worked on a group project together and became Facebook friends after the course ended. This is again when Facebook was just coming out. So, for ten years, we were just Facebook friends and didn’t talk much. When she became a Director, she called me at the perfect time when I was looking to move from my corporate childcare position. She said, “Hey, I remember how we worked together, and I would love for you to be my Assistant Director.” And so I jumped on it. Horizons’ mission truly spoke to my spirit. Racial inclusivity with its staff, wanting children to thrive through play. It all just made sense to me. I am fulfilled by being in a workplace where I know

I am affecting my community in a positive way.

Have either of you ever become overwhelmed by what these kids are going through?

Jayd: Quite honestly, my naivete continued on for some time. My sister used to work at Horizons in the finance department, so she used to come home and talk about Horizons. Even though I grew up in the community in Dorchester, I had this vision that children experiencing homelessness looked different from the children I interacted with. Believe it or not, I thought—and I am kind of ashamed to say this, but I think it’s important to voice it because there are many people who hold the same assumption—that homeless children are tattered and torn. I was blown away when I actually came in for a work interview, and I was like, “They could be my nieces and nephews.” For me, that was a big shock. It broke down the walls of my ignorance, and I was able to not treat the children in my care as special cases. I started working with infants first, and I put my all into working with them in the way I would outside of Horizons. Treating the families as regular folks and not putting them in a category.

Bridget, in my experience, there’s never been a moment, believe it or not, where I’ve put my hands up. There’s been many moments where I’ve seen ruptures in terms of how, maybe, a parent might come in, but it’s part of my training to understand the stressors affecting families. So I really try not to ever take things personally. Because I live in the community, sometimes I bump into people and sometimes forget their faces, but they don’t forget me. So, I know that we’re making a great impact on families. I was having a conversation with a parent who didn’t want to leave. Even when they’re faced with the fact that their child needs more than what we can give them, they still want to stay because they’ve built a community here. It’s gratifying to see so many of our families succeed as a result.

Shavon, moments of triumph or helplessness?

Shavon: Never helpless. How could I give up on a child, right? Have I been far into the trenches? Absolutely. Have I had to have conversations that I never would have thought I’d need to have if I stayed in corporate childcare? Yes. But never have I wanted to give up. I had a wonderful success today. I overheard a parent use trauma-informed care language with their child at dropoff when their child was having a bit of a meltdown. The calmness of that parent, the gentleness, the ease of language, the clear boundaries that were offered by the parent it was so satisfying because I know where they got that language. That is the language parents hear our teachers use every day. This success confirms that our teachers’ trainings are helping build a skill set within

themselves that ultimately gets modeled to and then actually used by our families.

That’s incredible. There’s a high burnout rate amongst men and women who do this work.

Jayd: Bridget, burnouts do happen. Even though I’ve made it look easy in the classroom, it’s hard work, especially at Horizons compared to other programs, because you’re getting families who are experiencing hardship, they can’t pay their rent, or they can’t buy food or, you know, their basic needs are not being met. That teacher is not just working with that child. That teacher is working with the child and parents. That makes us different.

Shavon and I both have been engaged in advocacy work because we know that there’s a disparity in the field of early education. There’s not enough respect. There are a lot of people that just think it’s childcare and then that’s it. But there’s so much more. We do STEM, we do coding. Our curriculum is really rich. We’re not trying to give them just the bare minimum, because we also know that once you give children work that can stress them out it will also build resilience. So, we’re very focused on ensuring that our children are not getting the least just because they’re going through a moment in time. We don’t want that moment to really depict who they are and what they will be.

How does the trust you’re building and teaching the parents translate when they find some stability and resettle into a place they can call that their new community? And, what can they can teach us?

Jayd: A couple of things. We’re not teaching them. We’re listening to them actively about what they want for their family. So I’m unsure if you know our twogen model. The parents have a coach upon entry to Horizons. They’re paired up with a family advocate and they are sharing what their hopes are for their families. We are looking at the strengths of the families coming in because they do come in with assets, they do come in with strength. And so we want to build on that and capitalize on the fact that they are coming in with something. So that’s the difference. We want them to be the leaders of their family unit and what their hopes are for their family. So I just want to make sure that’s echoed through this publication. I think oftentimes, families experiencing homelessness sometimes are looked down on. “How did you get here? Did you choose the wrong partner? Did you not finish high school?” We do have some families who do have an education, or they immigrated here. There are so many issues that are

causing these families to be in this predicament right now that sometimes it’s beyond what they can control. I think advocacy and highlighting some of these things is very key and poignant.

What can we do to in the communities these families are coming to? What is our responsibility to keep them lifted up? Jayd: I think housing is a big thing. There’s this cliff effect. So even when they are placed in housing, there’s this possibility that they might end up back to square one. I think education is a big piece. Having access for folks. I think fairness in pay in different fields has to be looked at.

Shavon: I can say that’s a heavy question. I wonder if you are speaking of the “we” as a community member or as an advocate trying to demystify and increase levels of equity within various sectors. Either way when families enter communities under strained circumstances or by choice, community members should be welcoming and patient. Recognizing housing equity and access is key to healthy communities. What a community member a legislator could possibly do, or even a reader? The easiest thing to do is send an email or call your state representative to support and back a housing bill that increases and opens access to housing opportunities. This is what I would say the everyday person could do.

Jayd: Let’s say, by chance, they were having conversations and they found out that this family experienced homelessness. It’s important for the readers to understand that’s a small piece of their experience, their story, and it shouldn’t depict who they are and who their family is. To understand that this could happen to any person. That’s what I would want some of the takeaways to be and to understand that our families have strengths. Sometimes it’s easier for folks to look at the deficits as opposed to the strength.

This isn't the whole story! We edited to fit. For the entire conversation visit PinkChairStorytellers.com. There's more to know!

1 in 19 children under the age of 6 in Massachusetts is experiencing homelessness . (U.S. Dept of Education)

Massachusetts has the 3rd highest number of families facing homelessness in the U.S. and right now, about 6,000 children in Boston are homeless ) (The 2021 Annual Homeless Assessment Report to Congress.)

In Boston, 25% of children live in poverty. (Suffolk County census report from the U.S. Census Bureau)

Also visit SickleCellHope.org to learn about Sickle Cell Disease and the Massachusetts Sickle Cell Association (MSCA).

□ BE A PAL Spend 2 hours each week with kids as a Playspace volunteer in a shelter near you

□ GET TO CLASS and assist a teacher at our Early Education Center in Roxbury neighborhood of Boston.

□ P.L.A.Y as a Young Professional and commit to take the lead in organizing in-person and virtual events, fundraising, advocating, and creating awareness

□ MONEY We operate primarily on financial gifts from individuals like you. Donate today to keep our programs running.

□ HOST AN EVENT or drive on our behalf. Donate in-kind items like Play-Doh or diapers.

□ SIGN UP for Advocacy Alerts and we'll send you opportunities to raise your voice and advocate on behalf of homeless children and families struggling with housing instability, childcare costs, and stagnant wages. Call your Representative and raise awareness on social media,. Your voice has an impact on public policy.

VOLUNTEER

Her Mission: Foster Child Empowerment

AMANDA

The Wandering Heart Project

When we began learning about The Wandering Hearts Project, a charitable organization created by AMANDA DURANTE, we read this on their website:

“Foster kids get a trash bag and 10 minutes to pack up their lives. Let's talk about that.”

Yes, let's talk.

Let’s talk about how right now there are about 8,700 kids in foster care in Massachusetts. Of those children roughly 3,050 are between the ages of 12-17. In the U.S., about 20% of teens who age out of foster care become immediately homeless. Amanda gives us a glimpse into their stories. Beginning with her own:

People always ask me why and how I got started. I guess my story is two-fold. Since I was young, I knew I wanted to make a positive impact in other people's lives, just as so many people have in my life. I believe that feeling of wanting to help others, coupled with the fact that I was in foster care, is what makes me so passionate about what I do.

During the pandemic, I had the opportunity to become a stay-at-home mom after working in a pharmacy for fifteen years. While I was thrilled to finally get that time with my two boys, I quickly realized how difficult it was for me to stay still. So, when a friend of mine called on a Saturday night in September 2020 with this crazy idea, we turned it into our reality the very next day.

She asked if I had any clothing to donate because she wanted to start collecting for a local social worker she knew. Due to the pandemic, many services were limited and foster closets in her area had very limited hours.

Recognizing there was not only a need for quality, stylish clothing for children in foster care, but understanding that foster parents have extremely busy lives and limited budgets, we knew we could provide a valuable service by delivering bags of clothing to kids in care. Instead of handing out generic clothing bags, we wanted to ensure that each child felt special, loved, and knew these bags were curated specifically for them. With that, The Wandering Heart Project (WHP) was born.

The next day, we created a Facebook page and started sharing our mission and need for clothes. The response was incredible—clothes piled high in every room! To date, WHP has delivered more than 1,400 Wander Bags. These bags are assembled after gathering detailed information about the child from the caretaker or the child themself, allowing us to accurately reflect their personality and style in their bag. Each Wander Bag includes seven weather-appropriate outfits, two pairs of shoes, underwear, socks, weather-appropriate accessories, toiletries, and gender/age-specific fun extras. All of these items are packed in a brand-new duffle bag

and backpack and delivered to the child.

I take great pride in creating the perfect bag for each child. Having a great outfit and new shoes can make an incredible difference in a child’s confidence. Every child should feel good in their clothes and be able to express themselves through their individual style. For those of us with preteens and teens, we know clothing isn’t cheap, and the stipends foster parents occasionally receive are usually not enough. I often come across people who have the mindset that these kids are “lucky and should be grateful” to have whatever is given to them. I completely disagree. These teenagers deserve the world and then some with all they have been through. When you have half of a high school walking around in a pair of new Nike sneakers on the first day of school, how does the child feel who has dirty, old shoes that don’t fit? They are going to immediately feel insecure and lack confidence and assume that everyone will know they are in foster care or are homeless. So, if we can give that teen several new or gently-used outfits with a brand-new pair of sneakers, why wouldn’t we?

About a year into WHP, I delivered one of our bags to a teen who had been couch-surfing and moving between foster homes. At the time, he had missed more school days than not. A few days after I delivered his bag, his guidance counselor texted me to say he had been to school every day that week! By providing new clothing, sneakers, and a backpack, we were able to give this teen the confidence he needed to feel comfortable around his peers. Feeling like you “fit in” really matters at that age. Most kids don’t want their peers to know they are homeless or in foster care. By providing quality, trendy clothing, it may be easier for them to feel like they fit in. This experience, and many others, have shown me that building teens’ confidence through clothing is not only possible but essential.

While WHP was created to serve children of all ages in foster care and experiencing homelessness, over the last few years I have come to realize that there aren’t as

many programs specifically catering to teens as there are for babies and younger children. While I wish I could help every single child in need, my heart is especially drawn to working with and supporting teenagers. With so many changes over the last year, our cofounder stepping down, moving into a larger space, and shifting our focus from serving all ages to exclusively supporting preteens and teens, we are also preparing to add our new services. At times, it can feel overwhelming and impossible, but having experienced my own traumatic childhood and the instability of bouncing from home to home, it’s easy to remember my reason for starting WHP and the importance of continuing to grow and expand our efforts.

As an infant, I was in foster care for six months. By the age of 8, I had lived in twelve different places. When my mother and stepfather divorced I went to live with (and was unofficially adopted by) my stepfather and his family. When I was 13 and no longer legally allowed to live with my stepfather because the temporary guardianship had expired, I moved in with my mother. Soon after, I experienced emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted adult for many years. Heading into my senior year of high school, I was given an ultimatum- move into a homeless shelter or go live with a friend.

I was fortunate enough to have my friend and her mother take me in, so I was able to finish my senior year in the same school. Like the majority of my childhood, my teen and early adulthood years were an especially lonely time full of trauma, insecurity, and not knowing who I was or where I belonged. Although I made plenty of mistakes in early adulthood, I feel like I had a better chance of succeeding because of the support system I had. If it weren’t for great friends and family who took me in as their own, it is hard to imagine where I could have ended up.

As I matured and began to heal, I realized how incredibly blessed I am. I have many people who love and treat me as family, as well as a beautiful family of my own. Sometimes, the people who choose us become our family. That is my hope and wish for The Wandering Heart Project: That it becomes a place where teens in foster care know they belong, a community that supports, loves, and welcomes them with open arms, a “home” where healing can take place and a “family” full of unconditional love.

From what I have witnessed, many foster homes are hesitant to take on teens. There is a certain fear or stigma around all teens, but especially those in foster care. But they deserve and need love, patience, and attention just as much, if not more, than younger children in foster care. The amount of trauma these children go through is more than most of us can comprehend.

Children who age out of foster care with minimal support and guidance are more likely to end up in jail (25% within the first 2 years), homeless (20% the minute they age out and an additional 40-50% within 18 months of aging out), or pregnant (71% of females by the age of 21). A significant number of children in foster care tend to repeat the cycle with their own children. Foster teens are 50% more likely to drop out of high school compared to their peers. This could be due to a lack of stability and support, emotional and psychological issues from trauma, or simply not feeling like they belong because they lack basic hygiene products and clean clothing.

We recently had a foster mom reach out for help who was welcoming a teen girl into her home. She expressed what a great child she was, polite, friendly, and helpful. She also expressed that this teen came with absolutely nothing of her own, matted hair and extremely low self-esteem due to bullying from her peers because of the abuse and neglect from her former home. This child wasn’t even allowed to bathe! I was told that this teen cried, begging her new foster mom not to make her go back to school because she thought it would be like every other year. Believe it or not, this teen is one of the luckier ones; she was placed with a wonderful family who brought her to a salon to get her hair fixed, advocated for her, and got her exactly what she wanted and needed. Thanks to our supporters and an Amazon wishlist, WHP was able to get clothing and sneakers to help her go back to school with a little pep in her step. She is actually looking forward to her first day back for the first time ever.

Teenagers in general tend not to consider what they need to do in their teen years to prepare for the future. Let’s be honest, many adults aren't even aware of some of the basics. However, most teens have parents, grandparents, friends, or someone they can trust and rely on as they navigate life's challenges. But what about teens in foster care who are couch surfing, living in group homes, on the streets, or being trafficked? Who is looking out for them, teaching them the basics of selfcare, self-love, financial literacy, health, and wellness, cooking skills, grocery shopping, time management, communication skills, house management, and so much more! Who will be there for them in a crisis? Usually, the answer is nobody— at least, in the mind of a teen in foster care. They either lack support or don't trust anyone to support them.

In Massachusetts alone, nearly 30% of the eight thousand foster kids are teenagers between the ages of thirteen to seventeen. And roughly 700 to 800 of those teens age out of foster care each year. We want (and need) to be a continued support for the child no matter where they end up in life or how old they are. Children and teens don’t need conditional or temporary support and love. They need unconditional support and love even from strangers. That’s how we help these children feel like they can trust adults again and in turn trust themselves.

There is a documented connection between foster care and child trafficking. By being able to be a resource and safe place for teens in care, we are hoping to not only educate teens and their caretakers but to ensure that teens don’t feel like they are alone, without anywhere to turn for help. By increasing self-esteem and confidence, we can lower their risk of this happening. Beginning in early 2025, in addition to distributing our Wander Bags and continuing to grant wishes of foster teens, The Wandering Heart Project will begin offering our Foster Confidence Program. This program is so near and dear to my heart. When a teen doesn’t feel like they belong, whether it be amongst peers or at home, their confidence and self-esteem suffer. Our goal is to help these kids build and maintain their self-esteem and confidence to help them thrive through their teen years and beyond. This program will include life skill classes, group counseling, a personalized shopping experience, and spa days at our new home in Bridgewater. By offering support, mentorship, and resources to foster teens, WHP aims to break the cycle of trauma and provide a pathway to stability and hope that all children deserve.

I encourage anyone who feels the need to help a cause or give back in any way to act on it. We all want the world to be a better, brighter place for the next generation, and that starts with us right now. Whether through volunteering or starting your own non-profit, you may be surprised at what a big impact the littlest of gestures may have in someone else’s life. I truly believe that helping others through The Wandering Heart Project is how I was able to begin my healing journey.

Our Sponsors

The Clean Team

Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning

Norwell Family Dentistry

□ MONEY

$10 can provide a child with new pajamas; $20 allows us to buy a box of diapers; $50 will provide a child with a backpack, pair of shoes, 2 outfits and an activity or toy; $100 or more would provide a child with a suitcase, 5 outfits, pajamas, pair of shoes, socks, underwear and an activity. Scan below to go to WanderingHeartProject.org and get our PayPal, Venmo, and other options to make a donation.

□ CLOTHES & ESSENTIALS With your help, we aim to provide high quality items to all the children we serve because they deserve nothing less. Visit our web site or scan below to find out what we need.

□ Pack & SORT Help us pack bags for teens and wander bags for local shelters and sort incoming donations

□ HOST a clothing drive or fundraiser

□ BUILD We are looking for a contractor and/or corporate donor to help us build our new teen Confidence Closet and salon

□ STYLE Once our closet is complete we will be looking for hairstylists, nail techs and barbers to help us pamper the teens! We are also open to any and all suggestions for different programs we can offer to teens and young adults transitioning out of foster care. It takes a village and we’d love for you to be apart of ours!

USE YOUR VOICE

□ FOLLOW US on social media. Share our stories and our posts. Talk to your family and friends and have meaningful conversations about the needs of foster children in your community.

www.wanderingheartproject.org

Her Mission: Food Security

End Hunger NE & Community Harvest Project

KELLY JOHNSON erased the line between personal and professional duties when it comes to fighting food insecurity. The list of organizations she works with in this fight are the largest philanthropic private companies and some of the largest advocacy organizations in the state of Massachusetts.

On the clock or on the weekend, Kelly is taking care of her neighbors.

And yours. And mine.

Our conversation begins here:

Tell me what it is about anti-poverty—when did you first feel this was a personal calling for you?

As a 24-year-old single mother, I attended my first community college course. I enjoyed history and sociology, learning about my neighbors and the generations before. I joined a club with my paralegal major classmates. Together, we hosted a food drive, my very first exposure to volunteerism. In 2008, my journey with food security began.

We hosted a collection table outside of the college cafe. We had posters, and colorful boxes, and we all brought our own donations to draw attention to our efforts. People were generous, happy to lend a hand, and showed their appreciation for being able to do their little part to make a difference. I don’t remember how much food and money we collected, but the pantry was grateful for our efforts. I was moved by how proud every person involved felt while they were giving what they could.

When I continued my education at the local university, I found more opportunities to get involved. Another club focusing on hunger relief volunteered at the soup kitchen weekly, cooking and serving meals. My son and I were happy not to worry about two hot meals a week. I loved serving our neighbors, eating with the other volunteers, and watching my son wipe down tables and chairs after everyone had eaten. Food security has presented itself as the backbone of volunteerism for me since day one.

In 2012, I volunteered with The Outreach Program, locally known as End Hunger NE. Bulk grains, soy, rice, beans, vegetables, and noodles are scooped through a funnel, weighed, and sealed into family serving-sized bags. The flavor packs in the 10 varieties of meals are fortified with 21 vitamins and minerals. After a few hours, pallets of healthy meals are ready for neighbors across New England. When you leave your 2-3 hour shift, you know that tomorrow people will eat because of your efforts.

Today, I am the Community Engagement Assistant at Community Harvest Project. Our nonprofit farm’s mission is to engage and educate volunteers to grow fruits and vegetables for local hunger relief. This year, more than 6000 volunteers will plant, tend to, and

harvest produce that will be distributed by 26 community partners. Hundreds of thousands of pounds of nutritious fruits and vegetables will fill the stomachs of hungry neighbors over the next few months.

How do you bring joy and enthusiasm into a mission that is often weighed down by sadness?

I think no matter what mission pulls at your heartstrings, the desire to get involved comes from the knowledge that you will make a difference for someone. People are experiencing hardships and making tough decisions no matter what they’re going through in life. Even a small act will send a ripple of goodness further than we can imagine.

When you think about celebrations in life, there’s almost always food involved. Food brings people together, crosses bridges, it engages people in cultures that they’ve never been involved with before.

Coming together as volunteers, at the end of the day you know you really made a difference. You put your head on the pillow at the end of the night, thankful people know their neighbors cared enough to come together to do the hard work, to raise the money, to put the time in. Even though it’s not easy to comprehend what other people might be suffering with, the joy comes from your neighbor resting a little easier today because their heart and their stomach are full.

What have you noticed, if anything, has changed throughout the years in the anti-poverty movement? What changed in volunteerism and policy?

One of the beautiful things about End Hunger NE is the director, Matthew, is wonderful at keeping track of the statistics in our communities, in our state, in the northeast. From 12 years ago until 2019, we continued to see food insecurity numbers decrease, year over year. We knew that with every person who showed up, with every dollar that was donated, we were making an impact to reduce hunger in our communities. And then the pandemic hit. Hunger more than doubled. People who never thought they would experience food insecurity

suddenly were faced with the loss of jobs, furloughs, a reduction in hours. We saw hunger double basically overnight.

How do we let people know that this is happening to our neighbors? How do we continue to engage people?

Every time you bring up an organization you care about, there will be people who have never heard of the mission. Continuing to educate people that there are organizations doing incredible work. It doesn’t matter which mission you find passion for. There can never be enough people doing this work. Maybe it wasn’t a priority in the past, then suddenly, it came to be that someone they loved needed it, or they just heard those staggering statistics. So that’s kind of where the change has come.

Through no fault of our own, anyone may find themselves or someone they love without access to a nutritious meal. In 2023, 1 in 3 people in Massachusetts faced this reality at some point, with hunger affecting certain demographics more than others. In the U.S., approximately 60% of our food goes to waste, yet people don’t have the resources to access nutritional, affordable foods.

What I love about Massachusetts is that we now have many schools participating in the free lunch and breakfast programs. Every student has a free meal for breakfast and lunch. No matter what tough life a child may have, they’re not going to have trouble learning because of an empty belly. As neighbors, we should make sure that’s one thing children won’t have to worry about. This progress is incredible, with people continuing to find unique ways to solve these problems. Unfortunately, that will never go away fully but we can continue to work together and let people know that we support them.

You spoke of kids going to school and having their education hampered because they felt hungry. Walk me through a scenario: A seventh grader goes to school hungry. Tell me what happens with hunger.

When they wake up, say at 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning, the first thing to come to their mind may be, “What did I eat last night? Is my belly growling now? What will be the first thing that I will eat today?” If they don’t have access to much at home, they may immediately think, “Where is my next meal coming from?” When they arrive at school without access to free breakfast, the hunger will stay with them for hours. A light grumble of the belly can take away from their concentration and may cause embarrassment. There are children being turned away from school lunch because they owe a few dollars.

At the end of the school day, they’re repeating to themselves, “Where is my next meal coming from?”

At least if they know that tomorrow school is going to feed them two times again, I believe it will impact them for years to come. We are reminding our children that they matter, their futures matter, their days matter. They will be the next generation to make a difference and say, “I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did. My community supported me. I am going to make a difference, too.” I find that in this world, the people who are the most generous are often the people who have the littlest to share.

There’s a social experiment where someone who is well dressed has a large pizza sitting in front of them, and you say, “I’m hungry, could I get a slice of that pizza?” They may not share with you. But if you see someone who looks like they aren’t doing well for themselves and they have a slice of pizza in front of them and you say, “I’m hungry, do you have any to share?” They very well may give that slice up for you. They know what that feels like.

For them to make a difference for this person right now, it really shows you how food can bring people together.

One of the things about food poverty that isn’t always well-known, are the qualifications needed to be eligible for services. What would qualify someone to walk into a food pantry? How does it work?

The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) is income-based, completing a form to verify their needs. Some things we need to consider are: Do they have time to go fill out the form? Do they have transportation to get to the office? Do they live where there’s insufficient public transportation? Is there a grocery store near them? Do they live in a food desert? Is the region inaccessible to a food pantry? There are so many barriers present when it comes to an individual accessing needed resources.

What we’re finding is that even in a more affluent community, they often have a food pantry. That food pantry, that town, is helping people from countless dozens of other communities. When it comes to qualifying, one person may need to visit a few food pantries just to be able to fill their cupboard. Most food pantries have a once a month visit policy. A recent report from the Greater Boston Food Bank indicated that 44% of public college students live in a food insecure household. How does a college student at 18, 19, or 20 years old say, “I should go to my food pantry, see if they can help me” or, “I should apply for food stamps.” That’s not necessarily their mindset. To see community colleges and universities come together and create food pantries

provides access for people of multiple generations who are educating themselves.

We may not know when people come into times of unknown troubles, or that there may be multiple generations living in one household. Picture this: There’s a lovely husband and wife. They have worked hard. They decide to start a family. One of their children has health complications. The parents say it’s not feasible to put the child in daycare. They need additional assistance. And now one parent is staying home, reducing that income. And the other parent might pick up a second job to provide for the family. What happens if one of their parents, an elder, needs to move into that household? The term for this is “The Sandwich Generation.” Now you have another mouth to feed, another medical bill coming in. There is one individual supporting a youth, a spouse, and a parent on one income. We don’t know what that individual looks like, they could work their butt off. Show up on time. Being everything that you imagine your neighbor to be, and you have no idea what their home life is going through and what assistance is helpful for them.

During COVID maybe they lost their six figure income.

When you say six-figure income, that could be a tradesperson who was in HVAC and suddenly was not allowed to go into buildings and got furloughed. They were making six figures, often taking overtime. The stigma behind applying for the benefits that are needed— that pride is tough to overcome for some people. So let’s lower that barrier. Let’s remind them that food is a basic level of necessity. And even though you need help today, one day you will pay that forward. So let us take care of you for a little while, because then you’ll be better off to then be able to take care of your neighbors again.

Food insecurity is the lack of access to healthy foods to lead an active lifestyle

1 in 3 households & 1 in 5 seniors in Massachusetts faced food insecurity in 2023 (The Greater Boston Food Bank and Mass General Brigham)

44% of public college and university students live in a food insecure household (The Greater Boston Food Bank and Mass General Brigham)

Food insecurity leads to poor health outcomes including hypertension, diabetes, and obesity (Feeding America)

Our Sponsors Norwell Family Dentistry

Clean Team Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning

□ GROW Help grow, tend, and harvest fruits and vegetables, with Community Harvest Project, for our neighbors experiencing hunger.

□ PACK meals at with End Hunger NE warehouse for a 2-hour shift.

□ DELIVER cases of meals from EHNE to local pantries.

□ ADOPT A ROW/TREE from Community Harvest Project is a fun way to support our work, it’s a powerful and tangible solution to food insecurity in our community.

□ DONATE A CASE OF FOOD for just $80, and 36 families will receive nutritionally fortified meals from End Hunger NE that are easy to prepare.

□ FOLLOW US on social media. Share our stories and our posts. Talk to your family and friends and have meaningful conversations about the needs of those in your community who face food insecurity.

MELISSA KAYE has a loss journey that few can understand. Her son, Joshua, would be 19 years old this year. Melissa’s grief is always close to the surface, and for you and me, she openly and joyfully shares the celebration of his life. She shared with us that every event, every fundraiser, every project, every act of kindness done in Joshua’s memory has the same effect: Powerful.

“A whole bunch of people together in a room, caring about the same thing that can make a difference there is nothing more powerful than that.”

We had a powerful conversation. It begins here.

Joshua Kaye Foundation is coming up on 10 years. Yes. So, July 7th will mark ten years without Josh. We knew, pretty immediately, that we would do something in his memory to do some of the work that he would have done. My husband, Andy, and I both knew that at the same time. We just kind of looked at each other and just knew that we had this great community around us that has been supportive from the very beginning. It’s kind of heart-wrenching, but also, it feels timely that this issue is part of the anniversary.

What was important to Josh?

He was a super prankster. My neighbor said to me a few weeks after we lost Josh, “I’m just going to miss hearing you yell ‘No, Josh, no!’” [laughing] He liked to drive us all a little bit crazy with his pranks, but he was a really sweet boy. And an old soul.

He cared deeply from the time he was very small. No one could ever believe he was only two or three or four or five because he always had these intense thoughts and opinions. He cared about the idea that not everyone had enough food. When he was in Kindergarten, I had gotten something from Feed America, a really interesting piece that unfolded into a placemat. I was reading the statistics about hunger on it, and he said, “Wait, Mommy, what do they mean they don’t have enough food?” I could see the gears turning and his eyes welling up with tears. He said, “That’s not fair. Everyone should have enough food.” Another time, we saw a young, homeless woman in Boston. He couldn’t stop talking about it for weeks, which I understand because even as an adult, it is heart-wrenching. As a child, having these realizations, he didn’t let them go. We couldn’t just say, “Oh, don’t worry,” but we didn’t want our child hyper-focusing on such stressful things, either. Weeks later, he was still concerned. So, hunger and homelessness were right there.

He also had a passion for animals. (And he was a very good friend. I’m bouncing around a little! We went to a mixed-age school at Meeting House Montessori in Braintree, Massachusetts. I give them so much credit for putting together the community, because, without those folks, I don’t think I would have survived this long.) His love for animals is something that has stuck with us and

has become part of the work we do at the foundation. I think he was six, it was winter, and there was a mass stranding of dolphins on the Cape in Wellfleet. He kept seeing it on the morning news or when I was on social media. “Mommy, how many now?” And it got well over 110 at one point in a very short period of time. He just was like, “Well, Mommy, we have to help!” I kind of laughed to myself because that was just so typical of him. But I was also like, “It’s two hours away, it’s frigid, we don’t have what you need, they don’t make wet suits your size. We just can’t help with this one, but we’ll make a donation or something.” “No, Mommy, we need to find out what they need!” So I called the International Fund for Animal Welfare and I spoke with Tracy Weeks and she sent a list of needs. When he saw the list was a lot of money, he was like, “We need to have a fundraiser.” I didn’t know how to say no to that. He decided that he wanted to have a fundraiser at Dave and Busters and get everyone he knew to come and raise money to help save the Dolphins. So he did, and he roped in his sister, who was a pre-teen at the time, and made a huge poster and went around to all the classes at his school and asked the principal if he could get up and talk to everyone. And he raised over $1,000. At six years old. He was this fiery, passionate little person.

Where does that come from? Are you a family involved in your community?

Yeah. I think my husband and I are both, maybe to a fault. “Of course we’ll help!” When something has to be done, you just do it, you know? But I don’t know exactly where, at six years old, he picked up on that. Andy and I were both on the board of the Massachusetts Youth Leadership Foundation so every year, I guess he would see us supporting that organization’s events. Sometimes he got to be the little star of their social dance—so maybe. My husband and I joke that our kids got the best and the worst of both of us: big hearts and passionate about things, but super stubborn.

What was the mission you started out with ten years ago?

I will be brutally honest: we were just doing the work, you know? At first, it was sustaining us as a family and

as a community. Whatever we could do. It was basically, “Spread love and kindness in memory of Josh by doing some of the work that he would have done.” We’ve definitely narrowed that down to something a little more focused over the years. Our mission is to work to end hunger, promote animal welfare, and provide educational and enrichment opportunities for children in need while empowering youth to make positive changes in their community.

When we first lost Josh, we did ask his friends for some words that described him and on our website and our social media, you’ll see this emblem that reads, “Spread love and kindness.” “Play fair, be silly, help others, be yourself.” Those are all words his friends gave us. A local artist crafted that into the emblem. Those were our guiding principles at the beginning. Thank goodness for the good friends that we have around us because, for five straight years, we just were doing anything and everything that we could do to help.

My porch was constantly covered in donations, and that kind of kept me sane, by keeping busy. But it’s really hard- I think actually the hardest thing about running a nonprofit is having to say no, or not saying yes to opportunities to help so that we can remain more focused on the more developed programs. That has come with time. I think I was in shock for a solid six years. The first major thing that we did, and this remains a big part of what we do, is we installed a greenhouse and raised bed gardens at Joshua’s school. That was important to us—the whole idea of educating young people, hands-on, about where food comes from and giving people the tools to grow their own food. Our hope was that the students and the program there would grow additional produce that could then be used in the lunchroom, and to help supplement the local food pantries. That’s been really well received. I’ve gotten sweet messages from parents saying that some of the best memories with their kids were over the summer when they had volunteered for a week to take care of the garden. And so that makes me happy—a nice little legacy for Josh.

We partnered with Island Grown Initiative and the Edgartown School in Edgartown, Massachusetts, after their big greenhouse was destroyed in a storm in 2018. They have a huge program and supply thousands of pounds of produce to the local schools and pantries. We’ve continued at The Marge Crispin Center in Braintree, Massachusetts with a raised bed garden that we installed, and we continue this as one of our major initiatives.

Is this helping with your grief journey?

I don’t know. I honestly can’t say where I would be if I didn’t have this work. Not just for myself—there’s

selfish grief, right? My child is gone. But, we have two other children, Lauren and Alex, who lost a brother. And you can’t let that go away and let it be “Oh, back to normal life.” Josh had this whole group of friends and classmates who were way too young to have experienced that kind of loss. And so the foundation has served as a community for them as well, and it continues as his classmates and his cousins formed our junior board. Then we have this huge list of ambassadors who are kids that maybe went to school with him or maybe just started volunteering with us and really loved it and stayed with it. So, to me, having a community coming together to do this good work and knowing that they’re doing this in memory of him is helpful.

We did have one little boy who started volunteering with us who had lost his father the year after we lost Josh. He has the kindest heart. His mom made sure that he knew he was not the only person who had experienced loss and that there were healthy ways to process it. She told him a lot about Josh, and she called me up one day a couple of years ago to tell me that he said to her, “You know, Mom, I did this nice thing, and I think Josh Kaye would really be proud of me for that.” My heart exploded. I mean, what a special kid to even think like that.

Do you find that you’re getting people who are coming to the foundation to get through their grief journey?

We have a good number of people who have experienced loss and a lot of people who have lost Josh. We have this community where we can all come together and bring anything we can to the table at any given time. I always say I have no toes to step on in terms of running this organization. There are a few things that I care a lot about. We don’t get into anything political. We don’t get into anything potentially divisive. It’s my son’s name, so we’re careful about that. But otherwise, if other people are coming in and sharing their time and talents, then I am nothing but grateful. You’re choosing to spend your time and energy on this project with us. We do have this great community, and I think people feel that they can express themselves. We have had a few people experience losses close to them, and they know that they can come back here as this safe landing spot and either keep busy because that’s helpful, or just talk.

It sounds like an internal, innate need to help others process what they’re going through in their lives. Oh, for sure. And, I think through our Holiday Baking Bags program, especially. Families are coming out with their children and feeling like they can teach their kids about helping others from a very young age. We find that families can do something to process whether it’s grief

that they’re dealing with or just all of the turmoil right now in the country and in the world.

People do want to act, right? But they might not have the ability to solve all these big problems. But when you can show up and make a difference that day, that hour, and share that with your children, it goes a long way. I’m continually surprised by how people are willing to give their very precious time and energy and keep coming back. That, to me, is all I need for hope for the world, you know? People care. I’m constantly reminded of that. I am surprised by the level at which busy parents, busy college students, and busy high schoolers will commit to helping other people. That’s not the message that we’re getting about people on the news and on social media. It’s just not. But I’m seeing it with my own eyes, time and time again. They come back, and they’re like, “I actually feel like I can do something. I can help.” And that’s a big part of our mission.

That’s the most beautiful message. It’s nice to hear that when we turn off the television and social media and stop seeing protests, anger, and divisiveness, there is another side to the story. Sometimes it’s not even another side to the story, but it’s another viewpoint. We can be really angry; there are a lot of things that are not fair. It’s not fair that my child is gone. It’s not fair that there are hungry children, homeless children, or kids who don’t have the same opportunities as kids in the next town over. None of it is fair. And as a mom, you get so angry. But for me, the most effective path toward making an impact is to channel that into something more positive. When we get a whole bunch of people together in a room, caring about the same thing that can make a difference. There is nothing more powerful than that. I’m not this fairy-dust-always-seeingthe-sunshiny-side-of-things person. I am upset. I am angry. But I can’t live in that place. I have to use the anger.

The sun is made of fire, too, right?

JKF has distributed 72,000+ pounds of pantry essentials and holiday baking ingredients to more than 4,000 families in Massachusetts. The impact goes beyond the beautiful memories families can make while they bake together; Individuals and families experiencing food insecurity are more likely to accept an invitation to someone’s home. Social isolation is a devastating side effect of food insecurity.

□ PACK Join us at a community packing event to pack our Holiday Baking Bags with essential pantry supplies and baking ingredients to be distributed to families in need ahead of Thanksgiving and the winter holidays. Bags are distributed in partnership with the Marge Crispin Center, Quincy Interfaith Food Pantry, Weymouth Food Pantry, the South Shore Food Bank, and others.

□ PARTNER Help raise funds and partner with us to plan/ organize a packing event for your company, school, sports team, or other group! We’ll distribute in partnership with your local food pantry!

□ EMPOWER Cover the cost of ingredients for a local group of student volunteers to pack and deliver.

□ FUNDS Scan below to make a one-time donation or a recurring donation. The cost to assemble each Holiday Baking Bag is about $35. We welcome donations and we love partnering with companies and service organizations to care for our neighbors in need.

□ TIME & TALENT Help with Holiday Baking Bags or join a committee to make a difference through another impactful initiative.

□ SPREAD THE MESSAGE on social media. Share our stories and our posts. Talk to your family and friends and have meaningful conversations about the importance of giving back to your community.

DONATE

The Mission: Kinship Family Support

BOBBIE

South Shore Stars

BOBBIE LONDON is a licensed marriage and family therapist at South Shore Stars who created the Kinship Support Group. The group puts non-traditional families together to share a meal, stories, and understanding of each other’s unique living situations. Bobbie reminds us that circles of support are best created with those who share that experience. So, she put them together and built a village. The lesson we take from Bobbie is to be unafraid to see yourself in the ones for whom you advocate.

Our conversation begins here:

What led you to this career?

First of all, my love is early childhood education. When I was in high school, I started in early childhood as a teacher’s aide in a preschool class and I loved it. This is an age group that I love. But I had in my head that I wanted to be a photographer and maybe an art teacher.

I was on my own as a 17-year-old and my college plan needed to take an alternate path. I chose to attend Mass College of Art, and major in black and white photography. I loved it, and I was good at it, but I did not like the weekly critique of contact sheets. Every week we had to take many rolls of film and pin all of our photographs on the wall. Other folks in the class were very avant garde and I was a romantic, photographing velvet with rose petals falling. My work did make it into the senior portfolio, but I realized I was taking pictures for myself and not for others.

I began taking classes in early childhood education. My true passion is working with kids and families. I was a preschool teacher at the Hennigan school in Jamaica Plain. Then I went to the Brookline Schools Staff Children’s Center as a lead teacher in the toddler room. I was the kind of teacher that really needed to know what was happening with the family and how everybody ticked.

I decided to attend Cambridge College and I completed a Bachelor’s Degree in family and community systems and a Master’s Degree in education. I continued my studies by pursuing my license in marriage and family therapy. I was a working mom and had opened a family child care at my home with a beloved colleague. It was a wonderful way to be with my son and stay in the field while going to school.

The licensed marriage and family therapy credential was new at that time. Most of the people at Cambridge College were women in their second career. The cohort that I was with was about ten women, of which I was the youngest, and we all went through it together. By the time I graduated, I knew that I wanted to merge early childhood with family work. I graduated from Cambridge College in 1995 and the first job I had was where I work now, where I’ve been for 29 years.

What have you seen change since this field became more professionalized?

The population of families that have financial stressors

has obviously grown in terms of how many single parents are raising families alone. Families are facing a lack of housing, isolation, lack of support systems, unemployment, immigration, court involvement, domestic violence, substance abuse, mental health, food insecurity and poverty. What happens when kids are removed because of abuse and neglect? Where are they placed? Is it a kinship home or a foster home? There is a very limited foster care network and many fractured families trying to pick up the pieces. The court system and the Department of Children and Families step in to help support the children and provide a safe environment and stabilize the family after a crisis. We work closely with DCF, public schools, Early Intervention, pediatricians, developmental specialists and mental health professionals to provide resources to help families cope and heal.

At what point did the shift move from care to education?

Good question. Maybe around 30 years ago. There was a time when to be a preschool teacher, it required far less certifications. To be considered a higher-quality preschool program, teachers need to have classes in early childhood development, professional development credits, mandated CPR and first aid, mandated reporter training, trauma-informed practices, early literacy skills, training in high needs and neuro-divergent children, speech, language, sensory issues and behavioral concerns.

If kids were eligible for Early Intervention services from ages 0 to 3, those EI specialists would make referrals. If they make a referral to the public school once they turn 3, there are specific services that they are eligible for provided by the public school system in their community. For working parents, specifically, that’s not going to fill up a kid’s day. Right? Thus, that kind of need merges with a preschool education curriculum, identifying all the areas of need to prepare kids for kindergarten. For lack of a better way to explain it, we highlighted that early intervention was something that either your pediatrician or your cohorts identified with a special need. Then preschool became the early intervention for kindergarten. If we already know the student has excellent academics, but their social skills are lacking, we acknowledge those strengths and areas of

need. There are students that are athletic, but they don’t talk to any other kids. If there’s anything uneven about their development—(my new favorite word, “uneven”)--it would be identified in a preschool situation, and we could access services, get them those services, and provide a more comprehensive service delivery system to meet their needs.

Stars early childhood philosophy is focused on social-emotional, play based education. Our literacy curriculum, academic programming and enrichment offerings are strategically incorporated into the school day. Our after school programs and camp experiences provide a wide variety of activities for students with limited options. We have many families who are apartment dwellers. Those folks don’t necessarily have the resources or opportunities to have a backyard or go on field trips or do things in the community that might cost money or need a car, or require time off from work. They might be a parent or caregiver that works a third shift or is new to the country, is disabled, doesn’t speak English or doesn’t have a driver’s license, or has had some kind of crisis like mental health or substance abuse.

Is there a success story that stays with you?

Well, I’m sure a very big part of it, just like for any person in the mental health field, is about what’s happened in your own life. You know, there’s a reason that people who are adopted work in the adoption field. People who are in recovery are drawn to that kind of work. I’m risk-averse, but on the other hand, nothing scares me, anything you tell me would not shock me. I strive to be as caring and non-judgmental as possible. My own divorce and experience raising my two sons as a single parent with limited resources has more fully informed my commitment to supporting children and families in challenging circumstances.

It sounds like you could identify and connect with a lot of the families?

I feel like you do have to be empathetic, but you can’t be an empath. It’s a tricky line. Maintaining boundaries and drawing on your own experience without projecting is important in this profession. It takes very conscious conversations. In my own parenting journey I did not start out as a single parent but I became a single parent. When I was a single parent things shifted, just like with anybody in that situation. I realized that it was actually better for me to parent by myself than to do it with somebody that is not a healthy co-parent. I discovered the most rewarding population in working with the kinship group. Grandparents, aunts, uncles raising grandchildren and nieces and nephews— I could identify with all the responsibilities placed on them and

their willingness to step up on behalf of the children. Whoever else is involved, whoever else should be responsible for this child is not. But these grandparents, aunts and uncles would never opt-out. In many ways that group expands beyond kinship; including single parents, and somebody whose partner died, or they are the parent with a mental health or a substance abuse problem but want to be involved in their kids’ lives. And so I can identify with the families I am helping. They need a larger village. Everybody’s family looks different here. I see a piece of myself in every family I work with. Something as simple as when I was first married; I didn’t have my driver’s license until my oldest child was four years old, when I was 33. It really hindered my independence, my choices and who I thought I was. Life was harder. I had to get around on my own. I was very dependent on my husband at the time to drive me and I got myself scared into thinking I wasn’t getting my license because I didn’t need to and I was fearful and lacked confidence. I’ve been driving now for 35 years, which is great, but I have a soft spot for women who don’t drive and are dependent on their partners to drive them or have not fulfilled their potential because they don’t drive. I often share my story and announce “We’re going to get you a driver’s license, and we’re going to get you a car, and you won’t need that man anymore because you’ll be independent!” I have moms calling, “Guess what, Bobbie? I got my driver’s license!” You know, it opens up your world.

And you’re now in a role with them during their achievements, not just their dark hour. The same thing happens with the kinship group— knowing you are with other members who struggled with unstable family members with mental health and/ or addiction as well as the challenges that come with that experience, and the safety to talk about it without feeling like you’re trashing the people you love. The group has a unique bond in that there are so many commonalities to folks’ lives and history. The key to the support is to have members never feel alone or ashamed. We do our best to release the shame that group members enter with and replace it with a shared life experience. My kinship support groups become a safe place to say whatever you’re feeling. They all have mixed feelings; you can love your adult child and be so angry and disappointed that they are not taking care of their own child. You can love your grandchild but be resentful that you don’t get to retire or travel in that RV, or play golf, or just stay home. You want to love up those grandbabies or nieces, nephews and give them back to their folks and not have the day-to-day responsibilities.

How are you going to stop doing all this? You don’t sound like you’re ever going to. Not yet. I have more to give. You know, there are times when I’m definitely weary. I have good self-care. I really, really build that in. Whether it’s creating a cozy place for myself, music, walking, nature, friends. Talking, I love to talk. Talking through my thoughts helps me process. I listen and talk for a living, prioritizing being present for others and myself. Sometimes, I say to myself, “Stop. Listen.” Or “Just be quiet. Just be.” I’ve learned too, that there are times when I’ve got to stop trying to fix or advise, and let things take their natural course. A key element to my longevity has been working with teachers and lots of younger people. I highly value diversity, culture and mixed generations in my life. Don’t just stick with one cohort. It’s not the real world. I’m always open to being a lifelong student of ideas and thoughts. There are new things to learn.

There are times when my role is the wise elder. Sometimes I have to say the hard thing. In my position, family members are not going to see me every day, but they trust me and have invited me into their story. With me, you can hear my words and bleed and scab over and sit with it. But, unlike a teacher telling you the hard thing, they won’t have to face the teacher the next day. I’ve had to give really hard-to-hear information. When your adult child wants to visit and just shows up on your doorstep, you love them, are grateful they are alive, but they are not sober or appropriate. You’re raising their child. And your adult child, who has an addiction problem, shows up on Christmas Day, shows up on Easter, shows up on their birthday, without calling. You feel guilty about turning them away, so you don’t. So even having to say, “You need to set a limit, have boundaries, you need to create a structure.”

If you create a safe environment and nurture a trusting connection you can help people come to a conclusion that they either already know or they would have come to eventually, but you’re shining a light on it or saying it out loud. Sometimes people share something with me that they have never shared with anybody. I believe this happens because they’re ready to move through the trauma or address it more openly—another of my new favorite words, “readiness.”

One of the first grandparents I ever worked with had a daughter who was a heroin addict and was in jail. She was raising her grandson. She said to me, “My daughter’s in jail and I have only told my priest, I’ve never told anybody else.” After she told me, we were fully engaged.

I’m in a field where I know many secrets and that is a lot to carry. We all have a story. We must honor and respect every story. We carry and hold our stories. If I can help carry and hold some of that weight for others in need I have found meaning in this work.

This isn’t the whole story! We edited our conversation to fit. Visit PinkChairStorytellers.com for the entire conversation. There’s more to know!

□ MONEY Every donation you make is a step towards brightening futures. Your contributions empower South Shore Stars to continue supporting over 1,300 children, youth and families across the South Shore. By providing quality early education, enriching summer programs, academic guidance, behavioral health supports, and vital family services like our kinship groups, Stars is making a tangible difference in our community. Scan the QR code below. Every contribution counts.

□ BUILD Help Us BUILD a Brighter Tomorrow. Support the expansion of our current programs in Quincy, Randolph, and Weymouth and help realize our future vision for education on Boston’s South Shore. We need your help to establish a centralized hub for training and advocacy in a newly renovated, three-story facility in Weymouth, MA.

The Stars School and Learning Center and Early Childhood Stars expanded location features:

• High-quality care and education for infants, toddlers, and preschoolers

• With funding, a Department of Elementary and Secondary Education-approved special education school for children with language learning differences, including dyslexia

With your support, this vision can become a sustainable reality where children, clinicians, therapists, educators, and families find a nurturing and innovative space to call home.

□ FOLLOW US Join us on social media and share our stories. Spread the word about the kinship families in your community. Together, we can amplify our impact.

The Mission: Build a Village for Special Needs Desi Moms

JAYA

The Desi Moms Network

It seems intrinsic, being attracted to people who are like us, people with whom we connect. We learn in our formative years to hand pick our circle of friends and stick with the ones who allow us to be raw and authentic. These are the women who don’t need me to clean my home before they drop in. These are the women who knew me when I was blonde and now when I’m grey. But when a family has a neurodivergent member and they are new Americans, unversed in this new culture, and often unaware of the services available for their needs, there’s no time for building anything. It’s day-to-day survival. And it’s not uncommon for the threads of pre-family ties to become loose and untended. It’s during these times when JAYA PANDEY reminds us:

Sometimes building a village is about forgetting the kids and remembering the woman.

Right. You really need to hear more.

Our conversation goes like this:

Tell me about meeting Cheryl Ryan Chan (“I Will Use My Rage for Him” The Advocacy Issue 2023), who nominated you as a Pink Chair Advocate, and how that meeing influenced starting the Desi Moms Network.

That meeting became groundbreaking. When you come across something, and you realize how fascinating, fabulous it is to have it and you don’t act upon it, that’s a crime! It’s one of the funniest stories of my life. And we swore that day that whatever happens in that room stays in that room, but I break that promise every time I go on stage or talk about the Desi Moms Network, and I spill some colorful beans!

It was groundbreaking in so many ways. I’m a brown woman, Indian. I grew up in India, moved to the United States. More than half of my life I’ve spent here, but I’m still an immigrant woman. I’m a different person. So when I walked into a mother’s retreat for moms with special needs children, I was the only brown woman in the crowd. I had attended three support groups before that, and I came back home crying and decided, “This is not for me.” So a weekend conference was a big step. I remember calling my husband from the parking lot, “I don’t know anybody, I can’t go in.” My husband, knowing me very well, played the perfect card. He said, “You drove an hour, you spent money on gas, you paid the deposit. If you come back home all will go down the drain.” He knew that I’m a value-for-my-money woman. He said, “Go, and if you don’t like it you can always come back.” I think that was one of the best pushes. So I went in.

I was registering and getting my deposit back when Cheryl came up to me and said, “That money does not go home, it goes to the bartender.” And I’m like, “What?!” I was still a good Indian wife, mother, whatever you call it. A one-beer kind of woman!

So I said, “Okay, what is the most expensive drink on the menu?” And here comes the Long Island iced tea.

Little did I know that it’s four kinds of alcohol together. That’s a recipe for disaster! But that was the first time in my life. I left everybody home. I was always mindful of rules. I never drank. So, I let go, let loose.

I felt comfortable and was in a good place. I felt comfortable enough to say, “You know, I just don’t want to do this anymore. Everything is so difficult. I just feel like running away someday.” Cheryl and another mom who is a school bus driver, held my hands, and said, “Honey, the day you want to run away, we will drive the bus for you.”

You know how many times you go where you do not know people and show your vulnerable self and say things which you’re not supposed to say? I’m sure even the neurotypical families go through that phase. But to be able to say that, not in front of your closest friend but to a stranger, and feel that you’re not being judged—that remained with me.

Four years later, I started building this Desi Mom’s Village. I knew exactly what I wanted and what I did not want in my village. The circle of friendship was my main focus. If we don’t appreciate each other as women, our friendship is not going to last long. Build the friendship first and the kids come later.

How many women did you start with in this network?

And how many do you have now?

There was a tiny group of women that already existed, around 30 of them. I joined that Whatsapp group, and found that they all had grown up children. They would meet, they would not meet, they were a Whatsapp-based group. People ask questions. My son is doing this, what can we do? That kind of thing.

In 2016, I was let go from State Street so I had a lot of time on my hands. And I am a woman who feels the vibe, I need to meet people in person. So I started meeting the mothers from the Whatsapp group all over

the state and collected data about what they need. I built a brand new group. It was very hard for them to come out as women. Everybody was just “the mother of a special needs child.” When I started hosting the lunches and dinners, I would say, “Your kid gets 30 seconds. That’s it. I don’t want to hear more—And you know, at my age, I could be very blunt—I don’t want to hear what is going on in your house right now. I don’t want to know if you have ABA trouble. If your kid is not potty training. We need to come as women.” I use those “36 questions to fall in love” quizzes as icebreakers. I want to know everything about you, and I will pick a piece which binds you and I together. Then we can be friends. So if you are having trouble with your school, or pediatrician, speech therapist, this is not common ground for me. But if you like to read, if you listen to music, if you have interest in walking or traveling, then we will like each other as friends. Then, once you are in my orbit, your whole family is mine. Then I will do anything to support you in any way I can.

That’s incredible. Seems so logical! Why don’t we see ourselves as women first? I mean, initially, we think, “mom” and “wife.”

There are 320 women in the group now. I still press their shoulders when they introduce themselves, because they will still go to their mom’s thing. They all see me looking at them and are like, “Sorry, Jaya. I’m going back!” When I add them to the group, I make a phone call first. If we forget this, I’m like, “Okay, you call back tomorrow and find five things which that you happy, and they cannot be ‘spending time with family, my husband, and my kids.’”

So these women come in thinking they’re going to get advice about how to take care of their child with special needs and they realize quickly that this is a friendship group. What is the impact on their lives when they go home and are back to being special needs moms?

Empowered. They go home with the feeling that they have a village. Imagine how important it is. That I have a friend with me who understands me. So it starts with one connection. The rule is, when you come for a group dinner, you sit with a person you don’t know. There is a new person next to you, in front of you, and beside you. So you go home with three new connections. You would be surprised at the connections. Two women, 15 years apart, born in the same hospital in Delhi. So many of them recognize each other. They belong to the same town, or they work in the same

company. These women are traveling together now. That is the greatest joy of seeing them connecting with each other about things outside of their home. I went to a birthday party and one of the kids held the finger of another Dad, not his own. And they were jumping together. This group made those five friends into family friends.

It starts with one person. You and I will connect. Then slowly we bring the families together, and the village grows. The joy of seeing that child jumping on the trampoline with some other child’s dad was one of the biggest gifts that day for me. Another time, one of the women had to go for her visa stamp, so another woman from the group jumped on the plane with her, leaving her own family for 5 days. How many people can claim that kind of friendship? Until you know each other as a person, this is not possible.

And now everybody is talking about every other thing. The WhatsApp group buzzes with “I need help.” And women go to each other’s IP meeting, provide resources. It’s a very natural process. I just turned the order.

Have they told you what it was like before they found their village?

So again, the fun was different for many of them. So many of them said, “This is the first time we have come out for dinner, leaving our family.” This village gave them strength to stand by their children, help them nurture the relationship with their spouses, and find the strength to say, “I need my time today.” These women are not going to the spa. They are not going for manicures and pedicures. They might be meeting in somebody’s house at 9 o’clock, order some takeout and complain or watch a movie, but at least are together. So sometimes the group is buzzing with the new “Bridgerton,” or new song or new movie. And then it could lead to those wild conversations. And I’m thinking, “look at you!”

Five years ago, there was nothing in life of that sort, for many of them. Slowly the dads started saying that moms are happier. That makes a difference in everybody’s life. And you are not just going out drinking and dancing, you are bringing that support system home. You are bringing the resources home. My ultimate goal is every special needs mother should have at least one friend who gets them.

Slowly, I am bringing all my non-Indian friends on board. Cheryl is a powerhouse of knowledge, so she was very kind to come for a party and a dinner, and you

know, just talk to the women. When I bring all my friends, I want the diverse set of women in the group to see a bigger picture. And look for resources and support. There are so many things these women don’t even know—70% of these women had no idea about the Department of Developmental Services (DDS) and its resources.

Wow!

Well, nobody’s there to tell them. Right there, number one: When they are not speaking. They are not talking. You don’t have grandparents at home to remind you that something is missing.

Also, once you start noticing, you are in a state of denial. I was like that. “Oh, I speak too much. My boys don’t have to talk too much.” It’s not that there were no words, but the social awkwardness is never been pointed upon. People do not feel so for years.” Oh, it’s just too much here, you know. They will outgrow. Boys don’t speak much, anyway, they are late talkers.” So you were starting your life with that, and then, how are you going to tell your friends and family? The shame and stigma is right there. Your day-to-day life is restricted. Your kid is having a meltdown. You start not going to these kind of events or socializing because you don’t want to deal with stares or those kind of things.

Isolating yourself.

Right. One of the women—she’s young. Her kid was 4 years old—said, “I want to host a party.” She did not know people in the group. but she openly posted in the group, “I want to host a birthday party for my son in Wellesley. Everybody is welcome. I can have 25 families.”

Well, those families showed up there, not knowing each other. I still tell her that she opened a whole new door. One of them said, “For the first time in my life I didn’t have to worry that he’s screaming or he’s having a meltdown.” So I think there’s comfort that these are your people.

You have a way of bringing out parts of the world that I didn’t know, but need to know about.

I don’t think I did it. I think I always say that it’s people around me who make me who I am. I’m very, very fortunate to have wonderful people around me. I have so many different villages. My mother used to joke, “You throw my daughter in the water, and she will bring three friends from there!” But they make me who I am, because I always found somebody to hold my hand..

I had the luxury of having those friends who were not speaking my language. They did not look like me. They did not eat my food, but they were there. So basically, I had the village. I just provided it for all these women who were not as fortunate as me.

□ Invite others Jaya writes a blog about the life, struggles, victories, difficulties and issues being a special needs family (scan below to begin reading). Her blog has given a voice to many moms and helped them overcome their own struggles. Spread the word, let your friends and neighbors know they are not alone.

□ FOLLOW US on social media. Share our stories and our posts. Talk to your family and friends and have meaningful conversations about the special needs families and those who face isolation because of lack of care of the caregiver.

□ MONEY to the Autism Resource Center, where Cheryl and Jaya met. Visit www.AutismResourceCentral.org to learn how to give. The Center was created by a group of parents to serve as a source of information for children and families affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders.

□ TIME The Autism Resource Center looks for volunteers for fundraising events. Consider joining the Walk/5k Run Committee, Golf Committee, and Wild About Wine Committee. Visit wwwAutismResourceCentral.org/ volunteer-2 to learn how to get involved in this community of families.

Her Mission: Welcome the Stranger

Refugee + Immigrant Services

Catholic Charities of Boston

MARJEAN PERHOT, the Vice President of Refugee and Immigration Services at Catholic Charities Boston (CCAB), told us of her life-long love of learning other cultures and meeting people. That powerful attraction to turned into a calling. Her mission became wrapping her arms around and providing wrap-around services to families, torn from their war-torn homes and placed amongst the foreign. She and her team guide them into a new normal. Hoping to give them a glimpse of joy again. “People don’t want to become refugees, right? They’d rather be in their homeland. Wouldn’t you rather be where you come from, where you speak the language? Where you understand the food and its familiar smells?”

Marjean tells her story best, and gives us a glimpse into the stories of her clients.:

What called you to this work?

Bridget, this an interesting question that at this point in my career I should have a concise answer for, yet, this question is the one I struggle with the most since I cannot pinpoint the exact origin. My short answer is that my calling to this life-changing work is a combination of family ancestry, faith, and hardship.

I am the granddaughter of a first generation immigrant, my Papa, who insisted that we were American, not Croatian-American. He was so adamant that we were American first and Croatian second that he did not share a lot of our heritage with his grandkids. However, he and my grandma did not hesitate to speak in Croatian when they wanted to say something us grandkids should not hear! His sister, my Great Aunt Helen, was the family historian and dedicated much of her life to support Croatia. I learned about the discrimination my Papa faced working in the coal mines because he was Croatian, a “lesser-preferred” nationality among the European immigrants at the time. Through his storytelling, which was colorful at best and horrifying at worst, I learned about intense racial tensions, growing up through the Great Depression, and having held his little brother in his arms as he died on the steps of the local hospital. Because he was the only surviving male, he was not permitted to join the military and could not afford college, so, he joined the Civilian Conservation Corps, as a way to support his sisters and crippled father. He helped build our nation’s infrastructure and then settled his family into “The International City” where immigrants from more than 55 nationalities called the city home. Growing up in a city that celebrated immigrants and their heritage definitely helped shape my interest in immigrants and migration. My mother was one of 10 children growing up in a rural town and her family were faithful Roman Catholics as were many of the families in that area. She had a strong faith in God and the Catholic Church. My parents were able to give me a Catholic school education and were very active in our local parish. My mother was particularly invested in my faith and even made me the costume of my favorite saint, Elizabeth Ann Seton! For some reason I took an interest in Elizabeth Ann Seton,

the first American-born saint, possibly because we have the same middle name, but the more I reflect on it, I was intrigued by her journey to Europe and converting to Catholicism. Again, the draw of culture, with what is likely providence sprinkled in, contributed to my calling. While I do not like to dwell on certain experiences in my life, as I tell my story, I have come to realize that hardships I aggressively suppress had an impact on my calling to serve. Growing up, I experienced the acute pain of divorce, housing loss, and constant economic and food insecurity, all while our family was fierce about pretending that we were fine, strong, and stable. Most days, I felt like I was living a double life and was ashamed to admit our situation. But, even as a child, I was acutely aware that we were still very lucky and had opportunities that others in my local community did not. As I matured, I realized that those opportunities were available to me because I was born a white woman in the US.

I graduated from Saint Mary’s College in Indiana with a bachelor degree in anthropology and foreign policy and finished a pivotal semester at American University in D.C. doing an internship at a Croatian American (sorry Papa!) lobbyist during the Balkan Wars. I was ambivalent about next steps in my life so I decided to do a year of service through the Marist Volunteer Program (MVP). The only placement was in Boston with the Missionary Sisters of the Society of Mary (SMSM). They had a site in Lexington and agreed to accept two MVPs, myself and a really awesome woman with whom I would share my early professional years and life-changing experiences. While that experience of living in community with religious sisters was at times a challenge for two young women just out of college, the benefits were immense, especially for me. Our placement as MVPs was at Catholic Charities Boston. I was assigned to the Basic Needs program and the front desk as a receptionist (by the way, the best way to learn about an agency is to work as a receptionist). My MVP service at CCAB started as the first refugees were fleeing the genocide and war in Bosnia and the falling of Sarejevo. While during the day I worked to help the poor and working poor access Basic Needs, I also pestered the Refugee Resettlement team to let me volunteer for

them, too. As luck (or maybe providence) would have it, Saint Brigid Parish in Lexington had generously allowed Catholic Charities to use a home on its property as temporary housing for refugees from Bosnia. And I, the young and eager MVP lived in Lexington, volunteered to do whatever in support of the refugees living there. I became the one who delivered items from the case manager to the families at the temporary home. One evening, my younger (blonder, thinner self sprinted up the front steps of this temporary home and knocked on the door, without speaking Bosnian and no interpreter, to drop off a check to a family. The adult male in the family opened the wide door and said to me “welcome, come in, come in! even though I was supposed to drop off the check and leave, per the case manager’s instruction. The family, recent escapees from the daily gunfire assaults on their luxury apartment building in beautiful Sarajevo, fled in the dark of night and climbed Mount Igman to get out. They kindly insisted I sit down in one of the few decent mismatched wooden chairs, gave me very strong coffee (I never drink coffee) they called “turkish coffee" and fed me from the small amount of food they had. That evening I stayed sitting in the wooden chair for over an hour, listening to their story; They were members of the professional, successful upper-middle class, watching the 1984 Sarajevo Olympics, and having family and friends that were Christian and Muslim. And how one day, poof, it was gone; beautiful Sarajevo was invaded and they fled. I kept coming back to see this family.

Is there a family that stays with you all these years?

Oh, Bridget, another hard question for which I do not have a short, concise answer! Over the past 29 years, I have been so honored and blessed to hear the stories of and participate in so many people’s lives. There are people such as the family from Bosnia that opened that door of the temporary house and welcomed me.

As I have been telling my story, I am seeing patterns which I choose to believe are providential, God-driven. So, the way I came into contact with this family is part of that pattern. In 2014 we were asked by the national office to participate in a pilot program that was slightly beyond the scope of our usual refugee resettlement and legal services and would require us to partner with a federal agency that we typically did not work with. However, because I am always Boston Proud and believe that we can do anything, we signed the contract. We were required to partner with a Federal agency that many in my line of work think of as “the enemy,” including me. But I learned early in my career was that if you do not meet the enemy half way, you have zero chance of finding compromise or defeating them.

We were ready to prove our model of a humanitarian alternative to immigration detention. I received a

call about a surgeon from a war-torn country who just survived a double-tap barrel bomb explosion at the hospital he was working. He ran out to serve the wounded and was severely injured. I can’t go into detail for privacy reasons. And so he came to the U.S. to get medical attention, expecting to be met by a family member at the airport, but the family member did not show up. So, he was put in detention. He was an incredibly brilliant, top cardiothoracic surgeon in his country. By this time, he had been admitted to a rehab facility in Pennsylvania because of his severe injuries. I drove to Pennsylvania and met him while he was shackled to a chair. This man was so thin, you could tell he had lost so much weight and was unable to do anything. So he’s certainly not going to run out of a hospital room. There was a 24-hour guard in the room. His wife and children who were in another country living as refugees. They had no idea where he was because when people get sucked into this detention system, there’s no obligation to tell family members anything. I called his wife with an interpreter, “I’m your sister. I want to help you. I want to help your family.” It was such a powerful experience and very humbling. God has again put me in this position to be here and be helpful. So, when I went into this hospital and met with my client, I was furious. “Why is this person in shackles? He’s not going to hurt me! He’s not going to run away!” “Well, that’s policy, ma’am.” The hospital staff couldn’t have been nicer. They were so kind and even did everything they could to prolong his stay in this facility so that he wouldn’t have to go back to detention. Well, unfortunately, that expired so they put him into detention. I think he was very close to the end. But we were able to get him out. They transported him to Boston, and he’s become part of our family. We worked with our lawyers to get his family here. It was one of the happiest days at the airport for the reunion with his family. Just seeing them alive, just holding each other, you know? We backed away, we didn’t want to invade their space. I got to go to the naturalization ceremony for him and then, recently, for his daughter. His wife and I are the same age. I think we actually might even share the same birth month. When I looked at her and then myself and I was like, “Oh, my God, my privilege.”

What are some of the challenges you face?

Barriers to accessing services and supports. There are so many barriers, that get put in front of somebody whose name is not Jane Smith. We spend hours on the phone with a public benefit office or with a health insurer to say, “This person is eligible!” It’s not easy to be poor. It’s not a good time to be a refugee. It’s not easy to access support. You hear, “Everybody’s on food stamps or SNAP.” Well, guess what? It’s really hard to

get those services. And if you add a language barrier, a cultural barrier, it can be even more difficult. That’s what the team spends time trying to do: Get people the benefits that they are eligible for, so they can get a little hand out, so they can start to move along the pathway. I think there’s so much negativity right now, toward immigrants and refugees. I thought it was bad back in 2016, 2017, but I think it’s worse now. People are more emboldened to speak up and just demonize whole populations of individuals. You know, I wasn’t born into wealth, but I wasn’t born into extreme poverty. I had access to education. I’m white, I have so many privileges just because of where I was born.

I always remember I could be that Haitian woman trying to cross the southern border to find safety, or the people fleeing a war to find safety. I could be a woman in Ukraine in a business role or I could be doing social services in Ukraine and, all of a sudden, my city is taken over. I could be any one of those people. But by the sheer blessings that I have, I was born in a place where I can survive. I remember that I could very well be that person we’re helping.

How can we help?

I thank you for asking that. A really important thing is to be politically active and educated. Educate yourselves about the issues that immigrants and refugees face so that you can be better informed when you encounter somebody at the supermarket checkout speaking a language you don’t understand. Maybe they’re working there because they don’t have the opportunity to go to an English class. Think about that scenario before having a knee-jerk reaction. .

Or if you hear about families being disparaged or blaming migrants, give pause and consider their story. Perspective is very important. I think as the rhetoric heats up, I would encourage people to read other sides of the story. That doesn’t mean you have to go to the opposite end of what you believe. But just listen. I hope people can take away from this that we are all human beings. We are not labels. We’re not aliens. We’re not illegal. We are all people, all children of a God. Whatever God you believe in or don’t believe, we all are human beings—you cannot argue that. We must try to see the humanity in one another, no matter the issue.

I was not born in a country that outlaws education for girls or in country that has seen the ravages of nothing compared to a young child traveling unaccompanied through the physical and emotional dangers of a desert or having to collect all you own and leave your only home for the rest of your life, those hardships made me empathetic. And, at the same time, because of my fortune to be born in the US, white and having access to education, opportunities and social supports, I know that I obligated to help those that do not have that fortune.

#1: VOLUNTEER

□ GUIDE As we help families move out of a shelter, we would love to have a group show them around their new community

□ TUTOR the families in English. We have a wait list of 500+ people who want to take English classes but cannot access them because we don’t have enough slots.

□ WELCOME Scan below to learn how to create Welcome Circles for Ukranian families resettling in Massachusetts.

#2: DONATE

□ THE BASICS There are basic needs that they can’t be purchased with their SNAP benefits, like paper products, feminine hygiene products, and diapers.

□ MONEY Your donation helps families and children to live more stable and self-sufficient lives. We could not do this work without you.

#3: USE YOUR VOICE

□ TALK Voice your support for the work the Commonwealth is trying to do to serve the new families. Scan below to learn more about the impact of our services and how you can be an ally to new families.

This isnʼt the whole story! We edited the conversation to fit. For the entire conversation, please visit PinkChairStorytellers.com. There is so much more to know!

BOOKS Whatcha Readin’?

Exploring the Concept of Advocacy in Fiction + Non Fiction

By Janet Bibeau + Joanne Bibeau

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines advocacy as “the act or process of supporting a cause or proposal,” and an advocate as “one who supports or promotes the interests of a cause or group.” Advocacy, to be effective, needs certain factors: (1) Pick a specific issue, not a general theme, for which you want to be an advocate. If it is personal, you will be committed to the process for the long haul. It could be a group, like immigrants and refugees, or the homeless. It could be a connected community, like menstruating middle graders. (2) Make sure you know the subject matter, issues, and statistics, and the “how” and “why” of the change you want to happen. (3) Remember that the goal is to help others understand the issue and the changes you want.

Here are our picks for your advocate and advocacy-themed reading list.

Crossing the Line: Finding America in the Borderlands

By Sarah Towle

“Maid” is Stephanie Land’s first-hand account of a time in her life when she was suddenly a 28-year-old single mother forgoing her dream of attending school to become a writer, virtually homeless with no emotional support and very little financial support from family or her daughter’s abusive father, reluctantly pursuing any available assistance while cleaning homes to provide for her daughter. The absolute strongest identifier for Stephanie was Mia’s Mother. All her choices were based on trying to lovingly provide for her. When she “failed” in her own eyes, it was always in the context of the impact of her actions on her daughter’s health, wellbeing, happiness, and future. Others identified her as “poor,” the “maid,” or “demanding.”

Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by

Caroline Criado.

While some of the statistics are a bit dated (the hardcover came out in 2019), the shocking root cause of gender equality remains the same. This well-researched, detailed work is a book of data that exposes male-biased tools, projects, services, medicine, approaches, thinking, and events—all of which relegate women as the second sex or, at best, a sub-type of men.

Not only does the data given by Criado clearly identify a gender data gap, it is usable by advocates to fight for change. She certainly brings home the point that when advocating for a cause that impacts both men and women (such as the protection of asylum seekers) the gender bias of reports, statistics, and services must be considered. Both Caroline in this book, and Sarah Towles in her book, write about the sexual attacks on detained women and other gender-based violence resulting from the fact that there was no consideration of risks for women that did not exist for men. The “onesize-fits-men approach to supposedly gender-neutral products [or services] is disadvantaging women.”

When studying data, you must consider whether women were included in the collection and analysis of the data and whether sexdisaggregated data is even available. Caroline gives guidance and examples in chapter after chapter of this impactful study.

15 Lies Women Are Told at Work by

Bonnie Hammer.

Vice Chair of NBCUniversal, Bonnie Hammer, counters the bad advice that holds back women at all corporate levels based on her five decades of experience in this direct, tell-it-like-it-is book. Hammer’s 15 no-nonsense points are guides to women to assess their choices, actions, and motives in the business world. These 15 points can also be used by women as tools in developing a strategy to advocate for themselves in the workplace. For example, Hammer’s detailed discussion debunking the premise that “talk is cheap” and replacing it with “talk is the most valuable currency we have” can be used as a clear outline of how to communicate your position and advocate for yourself.

Rough Sleepers

by

Tracy Kidder.

This nonfiction book about homelessness in Boston follows 30+ years of Dr. Jim O’Connell’s work with the homeless. Not only does the book deal with the history of homelessness and the various advocacy programs, but it also shares with and involves the reader in the actual personal stories of various homeless people. There is no special cure or perfect circumstance that will help all people or solve all problems. Every homeless person deserves respect. They come to this from various negative situations (abuse, poverty, etc.). Many are lonely. Most are dependent on drugs, alcohol, etc. The book helps you to understand a little better how people cope with their varied lives. The people involved are “real,” not poverty statistics or something to hide away. They are people who want to have a better future. You see the ups and downs, the joy and sorrow, the successes and the failures of both the homeless and those who advocate for them.

We offer comprehensive animal health care ranging from preventative medicine and vaccinations to intensive care cases and involved surgical procedures.

At South Coastal we pride ourselves on our top quality care, modern, fully equipped facility and friendly, knowledgeable staff!

No

Place by

Todd Strasser.

This fictional teen book tells the story of Dan, a high school senior baseball star who seems to have it all. Then suddenly, he is homeless and living in a tent city with his parents. Can he keep his future college baseball scholarship to escape his plight? At first, he is embarrassed and tries to hide his predicament. His mother copes by sharing her gardening skills with other tent city occupants. His father is miserable and has lost his drive to persevere. Someone is trying to shut down the tent city, and the young leader in charge gets seriously hurt. What can or should Dan do to help his new friends and advocate for the tent city? What happens when people lose their dignity and pride? This book shows a teenager’s perspective on being homeless.

Kids Book About Periods

by

Jessica Beil.

This book begins with: “Better together.” This book is best read together, grownup and kid.” This book is a very simple explanation of menstruation with the purpose of emphasizing that it is a normal body function that one need not feel ashamed or secretive about. The definitions of words at the end of the book, such as “endometrium” and “menstrual cycle,” give the details of what is a “period.” This book supports PERIOD, a global youthpowered nonprofit organization with the mission to end period poverty and the stigmas surround it. PERIOD.org.

Free Period

by Ali Terese.

This middle-grade novel is written in alternate chapters by Helen, a very intelligent, math in particular, eighth grader, and Gracie, an outspoken, flamboyant crafter and baker who is also an eighth grader, and the best, inseparable friend of Helen. These two pranksters, after a prank gone wrong, land in the principal’s office yet again; but this time, the “punishment” is to join a club at school. They pick the Community Action Club, and to their dismay, too late, they find out that their highly organized and future-oriented nemesis, Madison, is in charge of this club. The club’s

final project is period equity. The club feels that anyone who has a uterus should have access to period products in all bathrooms. Both girls feel they can support this mission. After many failures of tactics, the group learns to get their message across by using all of their combined individual talents. They all learn to be their own unique person but also to work together.

The First Ladies

by Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray.

This writing partnership has produced a strong story portraying two formidable women, Eleanor Roosevelt and Mary McLeod Bethune, and their enduring legacies as historical figures at the start of the 20th century as well as private individuals who are friends across color lines. You will be both compelled and captivated by the author’s writing and by the story they are telling. Learn from the powerful and unforgettable Mary and Eleanor, their strengths and triumphs, and varied and creative steps and choices as advocates. Also, be inspired by their discovering and dealing with their own weaknesses and biases in order to become better advocates and friends.

Candy OʼTerry

Back in the day, Jackie DeShannon sang the hit song "Put a Little Love in Your Heart." These days, her words carry even more meaning. We need a lot of love to heal the world we’re living in and it starts with you and me.

Every week, I get the chance to interview women who are putting love, kindness and good into our little corner of the world. Spending time with these exceptional women and recording their inspiring stories is is a labor of love. Since the focus of this issue is advocacy, I thought I’d share the stories of four women who saw a need in our community and decided to do something about it.

From horses for the handicapped, to Kindness Kits, support for children with autism, and backpacks for homeless kids, these four women are spreading love wherever they go.

Debby Sabin

“I tell the parents of special needs children: your child can do more than you think. Unleash all of their possibilities and find people who also believe in what they can do.”

Founded in 1988 at a little stable in Weston, Massachusetts, Lovelane Special Needs Horseback Riding Program is a place where miracles happen. A licensed Occupational Therapist, Debby launched the program with a skeleton staff, a couple of horses and about five students per week. Although many of her students have profound physical limitations, it is the gait of the horse that triggers sensation in many of these little riders, giving them the joy of motion, and renewed selfconfidence. Thanks to devoted parents and robust fundraising, Lovelane is now a state of the art riding facility in Lincoln, Massachusetts. The program serves 130 students per week with 19 staff members, 197 volunteers and 12 horses. After serving 31 years as the Executive Director & Program Director of Lovelane, Debby is now on the board of directors, but continues to do what she loves best: teaching children how to ride. Says Debby: “these children have taught me more about possibility, courage and life than I could ever have imagined.”

Lovelane.org. (Episode 193 of The Story Behind Her Success).

Sharon Marrama & Connor Wright

“I said to him: this is not going to be Nana’s Kindness Project. This is going to be Connor’s Kindness Project.”

We talk a lot about “mother love” but what about the bond between a grandmother and her grandchild? Meet Sharon Marrama, grandmother of 15-yearold Connor Wright and Co-Founders of Connor’s Kindness Project. Hatched during the pandemic when Connor was in the 5th grade, the original goal was to deliver COVID-19 care packages to isolated children. Within a year, the organization began delivering Kindness Kits to kids in hospitals and shelters and today, more than 7,000 Kindness Kits have been delivered to more than 40 hospitals and shelters throughout New England. Armed with Teen Ambassadors and volunteers, the charity has also created the Kids Kindness Club, where Connor speaks to students about the power of simple acts of kindness.

Recently featured in People magazine and on The Sherri Show, Sharon and Connor have high hopes for taking their charity national. Says Sharon: “Kindness

is about taking something that’s in you and giving it to someone else to make them feel better. It’s as simple as that.”

To date, Connor’s Kindness Project has thrown an estimated 330,000 acts of kindness out into the world.

www.ConnorsKindnessProject.com (Episode 253 of The Story Behind Her Success)

Candice Hartford

“As an autistic parent, there is intense isolation and no matter how supportive your friends with typical children want to be, you need to have someone who understands your life.”

Candice Hartford is a Mass General Brigham NICU nurse with a heart of gold. A California native raising her family on the South Shore, she’s also the mother of twin boys born prematurely and later diagnosed with autism. It is this lifechanging experience that led Candice to found

Raising Harts, a 501c3 charity that is creating community, connection, education, and support for families with autistic and neurodiverse children and their siblings. Says Candice: “While there were support groups in a clinical setting for families with autistic children, I really wanted someone to come over with their coffee (or a bowl of wine) and cry with me today.” Her sons Grady and Keaton are now 8 and the community their mother has created has nurtured them and hundreds of autistic and neuro-diverse children and families. Through Raising Harts, Candice is delivering friendship and hope right here in Massachusetts.

www.RaisingHarts.org (Episode 237 of The Story Behind Her Success).

Cheryl Opper

“School is the only normal thing for a child experiencing homelessness.”

Twenty years ago, Cheryl Opper was sitting at her kitchen table, looking through a magazine, searching for a pumpkin cheesecake recipe. Coffee cup

in hand, she stumbled upon an article about a woman from Los Angeles named Agnes Stevens. With every word she read, Cheryl said she knew in her heart that she had found her next chapter. Agnes had created School on Wheels to address the homeless crisis in California and Cheryl wanted to bring the charity to Massachusetts. Today, School on Wheels of Massachusetts is a thriving charity that serves as a lifeline for homeless children. There are over 27,000 homeless students in Massachusetts from kindergarten through high school. The average age of a homeless person in our state is 8 years old and chances are, that child will move 3-5 times this year, leaving giant gaps in their ability to learn. A lifelong teacher, Cheryl recruited an army of volunteer tutors and created relationships with homeless shelters to provide consistent one-on-one educational support for homeless kids. The relationship begins with the gift of a backpack, stuffed with school essentials and a handwritten note that reads: “I believe in you. Anything is possible.” Says Cheryl: “There are homeless students in every school across our state and they are just like your child and my child. They just want somebody to show up for them and tell them that they matter.”

www.SOWMA.org (Episode 254 of The Story Behind Her Success )

And there they are: Debby Sabin, Sharon Marrama, Candice Hartford, and Cheryl Opper. Four women determined to lead with love. Please support these incredible local charities.

The Story Behind Her Success weekly series is heard worldwide as a podcast and on 11 radio stations from the South Shore to Portland, Maine. To listen to the episodes featured in this article, or to nominate someone for the show, just go to: CandyOTerry.com.

Marie Romilus Belonging

Are Therapists Real People?

Joke: How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, so long as the light bulb wants to change. It’s a joke, but it’s

actually quite true.

Did you know that more than 80% of therapists at some point also experience a diagnosable psychiatric disorder? Every therapist should have a therapist. Every therapist should often attempt

to provide their clients with some self-disclosure to be more relatable. Sometimes the experiences that we go through in life contribute to the profession that we go into. For me, becoming a therapist was a way to help others who experience similar issues as me but who feel they have no support, specifically in the Black and Brown communities.

It’s been proven that there are challenges that contribute to individuals in the Black and Brown communities to obtain the mental health support that they need. One of those challenges is feeling as if you cannot obtain a therapist who can understand or relate to certain issues that you have experienced in life.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “There are shared cultural factors that play a role in helping define mental health and supporting well-being, resiliency and healing.” Shared cultural beliefs such as family dynamics, religion/ spirituality, similar communities, and at times even political beliefs. Being able to obtain services from someone who is of the same ethnicity is crucial to individuals who have experienced racism and inequality. When someone is being treated “less than” because of the color of their skin or their different culture, they begin to feel hopeless and experience increased stress and trauma. I know I did.

Only 1 in 3 Black adults obtain mental health care. Can you blame us?

The Tuskegee Experiment ended in 1972, that was 52 years ago. And in the mid-1800s, Black women were used for medical experiments, including surgeries with no anesthesia, because the medical community believed Black people didn’t experience pain the same as white people.

One of the requirements during my graduate school years was that we all had to pick an analyst to be our therapist. At the time I didn’t have one and I was reluctant because I was

not able to find someone I can relate to. When I looked at the list of analysts at our college, they each provided a little information about who they are. Based on the information provided, I picked an analyst I felt could understand me and my culture the most.

My therapist is a Jewish, Liberal, Black Lives Matter Feminist, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doppelganger. I didn’t know these things about her, I wouldn’t feel as comfortable to open up. I knew that her grandmother escaped to Poland in 1943, her office has memorabilia relating to her culture, and beliefs. From her “I Heart Obama” sticker that’s on the left side of her desk, to the Matzo Ball soup she stated she just had for lunch in case I smell anything (Haitians have a version of this soup, so I felt at home).

If my choices are limited to only individuals who resemble my abusers and bullies, then I would not feel comfortable to be transparent about my issues. I grew up in a small town and at that time we were one of the few Black families. I would be the only Black student in my class for the majority of my time at my school. This kept me from actually receiving the help that I needed when I was younger because I would think, “How could this person possibly understand? They haven’t experienced the injustices that I’ve experienced, the judgment and bullying, being called “weird” girl because I didn’t look like everyone else.” At that time, few people understood the Haitian culture.

Recently, a client of mine asked me how I overcame the traumas that I have experienced. It seemed at that time she needed to feel that I understood her. Not just because I am empathic, but because I actually experienced trauma and I am not just providing her with feedback based on what I have learned through my studies.

Self-disclosure is a helpful therapeutic tool to use when it’s in the best interest of the client. In this situation, providing my client with the feedback she needed helped my client to remain hopeful. It allowed her to leave the session feeling more confident in her choice to be open with me. She didn’t feel alone anymore or

question her decisions to protect herself because she was able to see that if I can overcome some of my trauma then she can as well. Culturally, my client grew up in a time when having any type of mental health concerns was considered evil. She was often told to “pray on it” when it came to stressors and depression she was experiencing. Culturally, it was normal for women to be sexually assaulted or molested as children and be made to feel it is the fault of the child, or the family prefers to hide the issues. We understood each other.

After COVID, there was an increase in individuals seeking mental health support. It took the whole world to shut down and people to go stir crazy for us to begin to recognize the importance of mental health services. I can argue with people all day about how much I feel that funding should go to education and medical/mental health services. It’s odd to me that people don’t often understand that when your brain is not functioning properly, then the rest of your body isn’t either.

Mental health doesn’t discriminate. Everyone can benefit from having someone to talk to and process with. People who aren’t biased or judgmental. When I started my business, the focus was to provide therapeutic services to individuals in the Black and Brown communities because of the lack of services I had available to as a young person. I created free support groups for women of color and opened a summer teen support program. I open my offices to teenagers during the summer for three days each week to provide a safe space to check in, talk, conduct support groups, get free wifi, get access to computers, and get help with college applications and summer course work. This was important to me because growing up as the oldest of 7 children and the first child to immigrant parents, I often had to figure things out for myself. My parents didn’t have the knowledge and I didn’t have services like this.

One of the things I do to help me process my trauma and give back to the community is getting involved with services that relate to the traumas I have

experienced. My first college job was with a women’s homeless shelter. Coming from Haiti at a young age, I still remember the times my father and I would have limited food and he would go two or three days without eating to provide me with meals until he was able to work and have money. We didn’t have access to food stamps, housing assistance, and the basic needs available here in the United States. When I look at where I am today and compare my adulthood to my childhood, I am beyond grateful. Giving back to my community, being on the list of Haitian Creole-speaking therapists for immigrants who have arrived from Haiti and need support, and providing free services is the least I can do to help save someone else who just needs a little bit of kindness, understanding, and support to succeed. This is what you get from me at Bel Lavi Life Coaching LLC.

Culturally Competent Care

NAMI offers resources to guide Black and Brown individuals and families through a mental health care system that has a history of prejudice and discrimination. NAMI suggests asking questions like these to a potential provider:

Have you treated other Black people or received training in cultural competence for Black mental health? If not, how do you plan to provide me with culturally sensitive, patient-centered care?

How do you see our cultural backgrounds influencing our communication and my treatment?

Do you use a different approach in your treatment when working with patients from different cultural backgrounds?

What is your current understanding of differences in health outcomes for Black patients?

Visit NAMI.org for more resources.

Tess Cruz Foley DEI

Finding My Brave Space

It’s February 2021. We are holding huge rainbow peace flags at a social justice rally that I helped organize. I’m listening to my comrades

shout dehumanizing remarks at people with different beliefs than them.

I’m watching them shout offensive names at children who had come with their parents to a rally, a group that reportedly supports the police, but even

the police at the rally told me they know better. The group is in support of the unjust system that imprisons people of color at significantly higher rates than it does people with light skin. A justice system that often protects law enforcement with qualified immunity, and it appears to me that it supports the idea that people with darker skin aren’t equal, aren’t good, and aren’t deserving of life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness.

Black people in our local social justice community had also explained why the rainbow peace flags were problematic. We were specifically asked not to use them in counter-protests, as peace did not convey the urgent need of oppressed communities. They need justice. They need equity, we were told. They explained that peace, in this instance, felt placating and lacked understanding of the plight. Furthermore, the rainbow represents the support of the LGBTQIA+ community, which absolutely deserves all the support, but it was an odd choice for this rally, especially in response to the murder of George Floyd, which is why we started organizing rallies. The message that Black Lives Matter was diluted and largely lost with the rainbow peace flag. Lastly, and most importantly, we were told by Black leadership in our community that when well-meaning white people make racists angry, they get to go home—and be white—and will likely not be the target of the racist anger they just fueled.

As a behavior analyst, I knew that screaming obscenities at children was not an effective way to build an inclusive and equitable community. I knew that the behavior I witnessed from our group that day would likely confirm the bias of those we countered. I knew that we were likely causing the behavior and beliefs we wanted to extinguish to increase.

At that rally, I promised myself that I would become a more effective agent of change.

Photo: Ivana Doria Photography

How did we get here? The summer prior, shortly after the murder of George Floyd, two other moms in my town and I had begun organizing weekly protests, which we called Stand-Ups. We sold Black Lives Matter yard signs and used the money to pay speakers to address the hundreds of people who attended. It felt great. We quickly grew to have more than 500 members in our Facebook group. We were gaining notoriety, and other groups began asking if we’d organize stand-ups in different towns, specifically countering rallies. At this point, one of the three moms who started our group dropped out, citing personal reasons.

After that counter-protest, things escalated quickly; I made several attempts to steer the group and had several discussions with my friend and coorganizer. So much so that I began to be viewed as a sympathizer. I know there are many ways to protest. I did my research and knew that I wanted no part in the type of protest that the majority of the group wanted to engage in.

Soon after, a known white supremacist “nationalist” group was planning a rally in our town. I wanted to counter by holding our rally centered on the ideology of Black Lives Matter. The anniversary of the death of Breonna Taylor was approaching. The majority of the group felt differently.

The police chief got my phone number and asked me to come in to discuss our group’s plans. I brought my co-organizer, knowing we had different opinions, but I wanted her input and didn’t feel safe going by myself. I was in way over my head. The police chief asked us how many people we thought would be countering. We said we had no idea, which was true. They asked us where we were planning on gathering. They asked if we would be willing to have our rally in a different location than the nationalist group

That all sounded fine to me, as I was focused on centering Black people, which was the whole reason we started the group. I acknowledge that the group was predominantly white. For their safety, most of the Black folks that regularly attended stopped coming as the weeks

progressed and the group began to morph from our original mission. As a single mom, a sole parent, I have to think about my safety as my kids’ safety, and so the separate rally appealed to my sense of security. One of the families who’d stopped coming implored me not to attend the counter-protest. “It’s not worth it,” they said.

When the day came, I stayed in my assigned location, with my hand-painted portrait of Breonna, with a small handful of high school students. The majority of the people who showed up headed down to counter the white supremacist rally. I knew what was right for me, and I knew that it wasn’t my place to tell others how to protest. I also knew that any attempt I’d made to share my perspective seemed to make people suspicious of me.

Among those headed to counter the white nationalists was a protester in a pig mask. The sentiment was anti-police. We’d always had police presence at our events, and many of us enjoyed chatting with the law enforcement officers on duty. The group’s sentiment on the police had changed. My desire to cooperate with the police in my town was questioned. I was “in cahoots with the cops.”

I wasn’t where all the action was, but I still felt unsafe holding my sign and walking back to my car. At the nationalist event a half mile away, arrests were made. One of the young men countering had brought a gun. It’s illegal to bring a gun to a political event. I was confused that nobody else in the group seemed alarmed that he’d brought a gun; they were just outraged that he’d been arrested. Meanwhile, our Facebook group had a mole screenshotting posts and comments and sharing them in white supremacist groups. These groups labeled me the leader of a violent hate group, and my fellow social justice advocates called me a “bootlicker” and worse. I was trying to find Black leadership for our Facebook group, but nobody I asked wanted anything to do with us. I ended up closing the group at the suggestion of the original moms, who made the suggestion in the comments of a post she made on social media, calling me a “white savior,” among

other things. That night, I started sleeping on the floor of my son’s bedroom. My room was in the front of the house, and I was afraid of a rock coming through my window. I felt unsafe. I didn’t know who to trust, so I didn’t trust anyone. I still don’t feel safe with many of the people who were involved.

While in hiding, I sought to heal my nervous system through mindfulness practices like meditation and breathwork. Simultaneously, I researched proven equity and inclusion initiatives, determined to be more effective than my last attempt. I started to notice similarities in the research around diversity, equity, and inclusion outcomes and the neuroscience of mindfulness. Integrating these two sciences with my background in behavior analysis could foster the optimal internal learning environment for the most important subject: Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI).

Privilege lacks awareness. I began to see how practices that activate the prefrontal cortex, where healing, relaxation, and learning occur, help us build awareness skills, become less resistant to ideas that challenge our cultural conditioning, increase our capacity to empathize with other people’s lived experiences and reduce our dependence on bias.

I audaciously started Brave Space Consulting using this scientific approach to DEI. I have since had the privilege of speaking to rooms full of municipal executives and at educational conferences. I’ve conducted equity audits that make workers feel heard and have impacted real change in daily work culture. I facilitate training that some say is Marxist propaganda, some say doesn’t go deep enough, and some say is the best DEI training they’ve been to. I published a curriculum, “Mindfully Inclusive,” to teach school-aged students how to make room for others by first creating safe, internal space for themselves.

I still love a good protest. I’m still an activist. I don’t have all the answers, I never will, and that’s fine. I am, without a doubt, the more effective agent of change that I set out to be.

Sam Correia

Provincetown and the Queer Joy of Every Day

This is a love letter. To a place, a community, a landscape.

Tlgbtqia+ voices

o me, there is no place in the entire world like Provincetown. It is a dream at the end of the world. A holy mythos of beauty and debauchery. Recently, I was in Provincetown with my girlfriend and her sisters. A yearly

pilgrimage that I feel lucky to be part of. Provincetown is a friend always there for me to visit time and time again. We might look a little different each visit; I, a new haircut or worse eyesight, but she's the same friend I've known for years.

On the drive, we’re blasting music down Route 6, windows down. The dunes greet us, and we know we’re almost there. As soon as we pull into town, we go to all of our spots. The thrift store at the church. A coffee at Joe’s. We follow the smells of fresh-made pizza at Spiritus. Eventually, we make it to Tim’s bookstore. We wander the stuffed and nearly-toppling shelves. I love Tim’s. I usually find a great book on queer history, or a classic but outof-print title, and Tim himself is willing to chat with customers, offering secret Ptown bookseller knowledge that always feels like a gift. On to Womencrafts near the art galleries. I chat with the owner, Michelle. She’s at the center of all of the local lesbian feminist community. She has a great podcast recommendation or queer theorist for me to check out. Womencrafts is an institution. It quite literally represents a half-century of queer history in Provincetown. Frankly, nowadays, Ptown is mostly a wealthy, cis, white, older gay male population. Womencrafts is an intersectional space where people gather to organize protests, make friends, buy art, and build community. Womencrafts is a pro-abortion, pro-trans rights space in a country where laws are actively prohibiting the rights of marginalized folks. It’s a space where the women who walked before me made it the place it is now: A space for young, queer and trans folks to feel loved and cared for. Michelle bought the building in 2022, and I chipped in to her GoFundMe to help. Michelle received over $215,000 in donations. It’s a big deal in a place where real estate is unfathomably high and rents skyrocketing, unreachable for many queer businesses. Queer people here are being pushed to the end of the world because of exorbitant living costs. As we wandered around, we saw stickers plastered onto

Photo: Mary Snell

Sam is reading “Angela Davis: An Autobiography” and “Our World” by Mary Oliver and Molly Malone Cook

street signs: “Greed Killed Ptown.” I couldn’t agree more.

That evening, we walked to Tea Dance, a 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. dance party on the water (the perfect time for any club experience, in my opinion), We were drawn into the Front Stoop Feminist Readings event at Womencrafts. Older queer women were reading original pieces of writing, while others read from books they had pulled off the shelf. There’s a clear tradition of storytelling here, of artistic expression. You can’t walk 10 feet without tripping over a gallery in the East End of Commercial. Artists and writers are seeped into the marrow of the place. In 1916, the Boston Globe called it the “...biggest art colony in the world.” It’s a place known for its visual artists, but writers like Eugene O’Neill, Kurt Vonnegut, Tennessee Williams, and Norman Mailer, lived here. Today, you might see filmmaker John Waters riding his bike down Commercial Street.

Poets like Stanley Kunitz and Harry Kemp have drawn inspiration from the natural wonders of the place; the dunes, the sea, the ponds. But none are as famous and as well-loved as poet Mary Oliver.

I’ve always been a fan of Mary Oliver’s work, but this past year I’ve devoured every collection of her poetry that I can get my hands on. I’ve turned to her words like prayer, like scripture. To me, the work of Mary Oliver is like Provincetown itself: Loved by many, but with different meaning to all who. I think about how Mary changed people through her poetry. A 40-year celebration of the place that can no longer exist. A place so full of the blinding beauty of the natural world that it’s hard to look away.

I stood for a moment outside of the condo that used to belong to Mary and her lifelong partner, Molly Malone Cook. I imagined what their life was like. Mary was a fiercely private person, but we get glimpses of their relationship filtering in like sunlight. The days spent with their dog, or spent clamming.

Being at Blackwater Pond, the muse

of so many of her poems, I felt like what going to church used to feel like. I spoke in hushed tones (it felt sacrilegious to scare any of the animals). I kept looking around in trees (maybe I could find one of the pencils Mary hid on poetry outings).

A short trail around the pond, doable in under 30 minutes. The sand of the path goes right up to the moss of the tree underbrush. Few people were at the pond this Friday morning, away from the bustle of Commercial Street. You could forget you were in Provincetown, except for a spot on the trail where you can see the Pilgrim Monument peaking over the trees. I understood then. I understood the miracles and the utter joy that Mary must have felt every day here. I understood what she was writing, the lessons she was teaching about beauty and joy from her view at the end of the world: "At Blackwater Pond the tossed waters have settled/after a night of rain./I sip my cupped hands. I drink/ a long time. I tastes/like stone, leaves, fire. It falls cold /into my body, waking the bones. I hear them deep inside me, whispering/oh what is that beautiful thing/that just happened?" She teaches us “To live in this world/you must be able/ to do three things:/ to love what is mortal;/ to hold it against your bones knowing/ your own life depends on it;/ and, when the time comes to let it/ go,/ to let it go.”

The Provincetown I experience is not Mary Oliver’s Provincetown. Sure, there are still artists and fishermen, with a dash of Portuguese culture. But now, it’s a place of multi-million dollar homes and a sanitized, ‘family-friendly’ version of gay culture. Things change. I get it. I would never be one to rant against change. I think one of the best things about being alive is getting to participate in our own change and growth. But I hold space for the grief of a commercialized version of this place loved by many for so long.

The Portuguese Bakery is still there with fresh malasadas. The Provincetown Bookshop. Womencrafts. Tim’s. The vintage shop at the wharf. Spiritus is still

there. These are what make the town special to me. Helltown is still heaven, to me. And I know it was to Mary Oliver as well. “I don’t know if I am heading toward heaven or that other, dark place, but I know I have lived in heaven for 40 years. Thank you, Provincetown.”

There are more conversations happening about Queer Joy and Trans Joy. It helps us define moments of our lives that are full of love and hope and community, when so often those moments feel brief or nonexistent. Sometimes it’s spending time with friends. Sometimes it’s making yourself a nice meal. Sometimes there’s no Queer Joy to be found, and that’s okay, too.

For me, queer joy is about finding myself in nature. It’s about seeing my community as natural and good when the country is trying to demonize our very existence. It’s about holding so much happiness in my chest when I’m walking by myself in the woods on a perfect sunny day. It’s about watching things grow in my little garden. My favorite quote from Leslie Feinberg is from her book "Stone Butch Blues" (a truly glorious find at Tim’s): “I felt happy. Nature held me close and seemed to find no fault with me.”

Queer joy is the activism of every day. It’s making sure that joy is rooted in solidarity, in activism. But sometimes, activism doesn’t look like marching in the streets. It’s about writing poems in nature. The mundanity of walking down the street, feeling safe. It’s going to a Tea Dance at the Boatslip, where DJ Maryalice keeps us dancing. It’s buying fresh veggies at the smallest farmer’s market I’ve ever seen on Commercial Street. It’s setting an alarm to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to watch the sun rise over the water and feeling something break open in your chest.

It is a serious thing, after all, just to be alive on this fresh morning, in this broken world.

THE FLIP

The Cold Plunge

By Lauren Teller

I keep bad news from the Middle East stored in the only place that can hold so much horror: the bulletin board inside my heart. I tack up headlines and hope that lasting change will come someday.

Last spring, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to be the female instructor for a breath and cold plunge workshop hosted by the Boston-based incubator program Our Generation Speaks. OGS supports young entrepreneurs from Israel and Palestine who are working together to create a peaceful Israeli-Palestinian future. The OGS website contains words like “hope,” “trust”, “the future,” and “now.”

Hooray! The breathing techniques I teach in my own work with the Wim Hoff method can alleviate stress, and adding a physical challenge like the cold plunge builds trust. As Joyce Carol Oats wrote, “We tell ourselves stories to live.” The breathing will feel awkward at first, and the cold can be scary, but if I can help a diverse gathering find trust, they'll go home with stories to support the whole region. Hey, I’m in!

Weeks later, reality hit me: Once again, I'd yielded to optimism and wrote the end of the story first. I shook my head at such vanity; in the face of the conflicts in the Middle East, who was I to give instruction? Teaching involves reaching people; what did I know of their lives? I pulled over and called my Rabbi. “Unity without uniformity, let that be your teaching imperative,” the Rabbi counseled.

At the workshop I talked for hours; they listened. I emphasized geographic commonality and complimented them on their learning speed; they paired up and practiced breathing techniques like they knew each other’s thoughts. When the ice bath was ready, they circled in silence. A tub filled with ice—even one with daisies floating—can be intimidating. I was reverent, too, but towards them. I took the hands of the first woman. She stepped forward, put her toe in the tub,

and stopped.

“I can’t! I can’t!” she wailed. I gripped her hands and thought of Vaclav Havel’s words: “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something is worth doing no matter how it turns out.”

A woman in a full-body burkini rushed forward.

“Yes, you can, Zalika!! YOU CAN! Your breath. Do like this. Like this,” she said, and taking a full inhale through her nose, she demonstrated the full inhale and long, slow exhale needed to calm the nervous system. I felt Zalika move. A woman with a star of David at her neck was trying to pry her hands from mine.

“Zalika, focus,” whispered this woman, her face against Zalika’s. “Think of our futures and remember what she taught us. There will be hard things; that’s why we’re here. The breath and conquering the ice will help.”

I don’t understand enough to write big stories. I write only what I know. When someone feels the power of breath, a door inside opens. Zalika inhaled and, on an exhale, stepped fully in, bent her knees, and descended. The hem of her headscarf floated on the ice. When a

person is immersed in frigid water, there is thoughtfulness, worry, or joy in their eyes. When something else happens, I stand as a silent witness. It was like that with Zalika. A tremble passed between our hands; I don’t know where it began. Then she smiled, rose, and stepped out.

The afternoon went like that: Palestinian and Israeli women, head-totoe,alternating between terrified faces and joyful expressions. Cold, wet hugs. Unfamiliar names like Aziza, Eluf, and Zalika; familiar ones like Rachel, Miriam, and Sarah. Cheers for places I have never seen: Ramallah, Nazareth, Bethlehem, and for places I know well: Tel Aviv, Haifa, Jerusalem. The women sang in Arabic and Hebrew; it was hard to hear the difference. That was June 18, 2023. All of the women held hands that day, unaware of what was to come We laughed and danced and hoped.

Lauren Teller is a level 2 Wim Hof Method instructor, Positive Psychology Coach, author, and artist. She is passionate about physical health, emotional intelligence, and spiritual joy. She spends her time helping people learn to love themselves. Visit LaurenTeller.com.

The Soul Project is a Massachusetts-based nonprofit organization that helps all women and girls discover tools and develop beliefs that help them thrive in life. Pink Chair Storytellers and The Soul Project bring you their Soul Stories. TM

Janet

Mom, business owner, full time career woman. I value loyalty, creativity and respect. I’m an extrovert. I’m independent, loving and confident. My greatest gift is my presence and my ability to experience every moment fully. The best day of my life was the day my son was born. A perfect day would be spent with no phone, exploring nature with my son. I fear failure and I worry most about my family. It’s not easy to balance being a single mom with two full time jobs while trying to have energy and stay present. I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was about 25 so I try to start each day with a positive thought. I make sure to take time for myself at the gym, for massages, runs and take a good hot bath when I need to. Sometimes I worry about people talking about me behind my back, but in the end, I do my best, and if people don’t like me, too bad. I’d tell a 12 year old me never to doubt herself, to give her all and never to give up. I feel most alive when I’m outside, especially in NH. Being in nature has a way of reminding me there’s always hope and everything will be okay. Success is being confident in yourself and putting 100% into what you want. You never know if you can achieve it unless you try. Happiness comes from presence, truth and acceptance. I wish women did less worrying and more living and I wish there was more kindness in the world. In 10 years I hope to be on a lake in the mountains laying on a hammock. I wish people knew that I struggle everyday and I’m like everyone else. I’m tired but I don’t give up, life is just too short to live with regrets. I have a lot of sad days but I try not to show it and I’m really proud of my strength.

I AM JANET and I love to make people happy.

Photos by Kristie Dean

Ashley

Mom, wife, teacher, and disruptor. As a kid, I was relentless, sassy, and focused. I’m still that way. I’m an introverted extrovert and my strength is speaking truth-to-power. I worry most about my rights being stripped away in 2025. I worry more for those with less privilege, power, and access than I. I don’t have a favorite day of my life, but I have a lot of moments that mean the world to me. My worst day was when my dad’s heart stopped beating. I struggle with trying to please people and caring about what they think. I remind myself that those people actually don’t matter. They don’t pay my bills, support my family, or my endeavors. It’s just wasted energy. Everyone won’t like you and you won’t like everyone. Move on. I always feel like I’m not good enough. I think most of us feel that in some way or another. I rarely feel like I fit in. I’m always too much of something or not enough of another. An old story I catch myself holding onto is that I probably won’t ever get the things I most deeply desire. My new, more empowered story is that I can’t even see or imagine the good that’s to come.

I’d tell a 12 year old me that most people will peak by college so stop worrying about anything other than doing her own personal best. I wish more people knew how to self-regulate, that would take care of so many other things. I wish there weren’t systems of oppression, patriarchy, and white supremacy. I’m not sure how I’d define success, but I think I’m living some version of it. Happiness comes from being present and grateful. Beauty is found in things that change the way you breathe. The recipe for a strong romantic relationship is time, communication, and sex. In 10 years, I hope to still be married to Mark, and have multiple children, making a difference in the world. I wish people knew that I need to exist without defined labels or categories. I love all the parts of me. I’m proud of myself and I am who I am.

I AM ASHLEY. I love to feel at peace in my body. I value courage, creativity, and empathy. I am a good person and I love BIG.

DINA BRENNAN

Color Noise

My creativity was sparked by COVID, of all things, and what I coined my “Quarantine Creative.” I started taking out all of my art supplies and playing with watercolor landscapes which I called “colorscapes.” The idea was letting the water move how it wanted against the page to create a loose and abstract visual of what I saw on my daily walks. I was also taking black and white photos every day, which focused on line and texture. I like the idea of playing with lines that emulate horizons and layering values that create depth. Working abstractly is something that is new to me and I have had a lot of fun experimenting with new painting tools and different types of acrylic paints, mediums and soluble artists’ crayons.

In my new body of work, each piece is focused on limiting my color palette and pushing color relationships while maintaining a balance in tone and movement. With that movement, I really want to explore what sound looks like, particularly in nature. My love of color motivates me most in creating my art. I’m endlessly caught up in the colors found and created in nature, no matter where I am in the world.

Growing up and living in New England has been very influential because of the everchanging seasons, the continuous moving landscape found along the coast and the way the light makes everything seem different from day to day. The naturally occurring color combinations found while spending time outdoors inspires me to try and create those connections while painting. I am working to see if can visually depict sound within a landscape. Does sound have a color? Does color make a noise?

I have had the pleasure of working with local artists at the Frame Center for twentyfive (25) years. Post-COVID, the Frame Center began enhancing its showroom and gallery spaces. We decided to utilize the open space to showcase original artwork by local artists. Our goal is to create a safe space for the community to enjoy and celebrate their art without the pressures of a traditional gallery. I find that I really enjoy pushing people to share and celebrate their work, which in turn has inspired me to try new things in my own artwork and put myself out there in a way that I never have before.

My very first solo show will be hanging next spring at the James Library in historic Norwell Center.

The James Library and Center for the Arts is a non-profit organization offering programs in music, art and literature. My new work, which focuses on playing with sound and color, will be featured in their art gallery in May 2025.

Queen

(A message from a father to his daughter)

By Alissa Aronson

Keep up that smile for me

Little Angel

The world is passing on by

Let go of all the pain

The past is done

Dry your weary eyes

They’ll try to break you

Putting you down

Even try to make you sad

Leave those be Trust on me

Tighten up that self-made crown

Beautiful girl

Can’t you see it now?

The haters will always try

Head up straight

Shoulders back

And wave your farewell goodbye

Remember what I taught you

You are a Queen in every way

You are the moon

You are the stars

Any mood that you are

You are a Warrior

No matter the day

Inner Eyes A selection of 3 Haiku

By Sarah MacKenzie

Body speaks secrets. Voices weave countless stories. One voice speaks Truth. Shh...

Pure Joy is weightless A feeling so foreign, its lightness crushes me.

Live on the spectrum! Joy and sadness co-exist, a tryst complicit.

I'll Leave You With This: KIM MILES

Dear Brain, Quick question for you—and allow me to preface this by expressing my eternal gratitude for all that you do for me on the daily. I appreciate your stamina, your creativity, your thoughtfulness, and your business acumen. All the things.

But if you could let me know what the actual fuck you have against daytime hours? You insist upon kicking into hyper-overdrive at 3:00 a.m. and I don’t appreciate it.

Not for nothing, but we’re going over a list of inane items that have no bearing on anything and there is absolutely nothing I can do about said items in the middle of the night.

The other day, you decided to go on a quick espresso run and try a Zumba class at 3:24 a.m. where we engaged in the following conversation:

I ironed a shirt last week. Did I shut off the iron? What cocktail should I try next Friday when I’m out with the girls? What was that thing that woman told me the other day about that place that has all that stuff? Should I look at my phone right now? What if something happened between 11:00 p.m. and now? Why do I hate broccoli rabe? And why is it in every dish I want to order? I need to buy another pair of black pants; 137 pairs don’t seem to be quite enough. Do you think Jen is still mad at me because I stole her puffy stickers in 5th grade?

Look, I know that during normal business hours you have a ton on your mind, but I’m just not sure it’s productive to be running around in the wee hours trying to answer these questions.

So, no offense, but I’m trying out a method that serves me well during the day and I’d like to see if it will help you the next time you decide to try your hand at tap dancing in the middle of the night. I call it the: “Get thy thoughts out of thy brain and onto paper, STAT” method.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I don’t pick up my phone and add these to the ever-growing list that resides in my Notes app. That would be slightly

counterproductive. More importantly, there is something incredibly therapeutic about writing things down on paper and crossing them off a list with a red pen when completed that makes me absolutely giddy. Clearly, I’m not talking about researching major life conundrums such as the Puffy Sticker Sitch of 1981. Sound fair? Look, I love you. I vow to try harder to think about all the things before we go to bed and put them down on paper so that you don’t feel compelled to grab that espresso pre-Zumba class. Again, thank you for all that you do. I

Kim is on Instagram @kimmilesinheels Visit MilesInHeels.com

know your job is super stressful and your boss can sometimes be a real B. But we’re in this together and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You need your beauty rest; it’s a wild world out there. We have non-broccoli rabe dishes to order and new black pants to buy.

I’ll leave you with this: Could you please track down Jen from 5th grade? I will apologize for those stickers.

Thanks!

XOXO Kim

The Arc of the South Shore is the Heart of the South Shore

The Adult Foster/Family Care (AFC) program at The Arc of the South Shore has come to be an essential resource to many South Shore families that have committed to caring for a loved one at home. Participation in the program allows our consumers, who would not be capable of living in their communities independently, the support for their loved ones to provide daily care. This MassHealth funded program provides financial compensation of a monthly tax-free stipend and the support and oversight by a trustworthy team of RN’S and Care Managers. Some of the stressors of providing care to a loved one are eased by the medical expertise, the referral of community resources and the compassion our team extends to our families.

Consumer eligibility is determined by their MassHealth eligibility and a diagnosis requiring daily assistance with their Activities of Daily Living (ADL’s), which include ambulation, transferring, eating, bathing, dressing, and toileting. Our consumers range in age from

16 years old to elder, with parents, siblings and adult children taking on the dedicated role as caregivers. Our team visits monthly ensuring the consumer’s daily needs are being met in a safe, clean, loving environment.

The program has assisted families with information on local Adult Day Health programs to ease the strain of providing 24-hour care, providing a safe space for the consumer during the day. We have assisted many families with applying for our in-agency travel scholarship to allow them the opportunity to create everlasting memories. Most importantly we have built an outstanding rapport with our families which is evident in the fact that about 60% of our current families have trusted our team for over 4 years of continued participation.

If interested in our program, family members can contact our team at 781335-3023 to discuss eligibility and begin an intake.

Some of the stressors of providing care to a loved one are eased by the medical expertise, the referral of community resources and the compassion our team extends to our families.

100,000 Volunteers Engaged

7,000 Local & National Partnerships

5,000 Individuals & Families Served Annually