Alumni Representative Courtney Gonynor talks holistic therapy in addiction recovery advertisement
Tell us more about holistic therapies.
Holistic therapies are when we are looking at and treating the whole individual- mind, body, and spirit- rather than simply treating and addressing symptoms. These therapies are aiming to balance the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of health to promote an overall sense of wellbeing. Some common examples of holistic practices include acupuncture, mindfulness and meditation practices, EFT tapping, yoga, and somatic practices, which work together to restore harmony within the body. Ultimately, holistic therapies emphasize the interconnectedness of all aspects of health and support the body’s natural ability to heal itself.
I believe that holistic therapies and treating the individual as a whole, including their specific social, psychological, environmental, spiritual, mental, and physical needs, can be extremely beneficial. Holistic practices specifically help reduce stress, promote relaxation, and improve emotional wellbeing, which are essential for recovery. These practices can also support the body in detoxifying and strengthening, while fostering a sense of balance and mindfulness. By nurturing the whole person, holistic therapies encourage sustained healing and long-term resilience.
Is there a connection between staying in recovery and holistic practices?
Holistic practices align with the recovery journey by focusing on long-term wellness, not just the absence of substance use. They provide tools for managing stress, building self-awareness, and cultivating emotional stability— key factors in staying sober. Practices like meditation, yoga, and breathwork can help individuals stay grounded and present, reinforcing their commitment to recovery. This holistic approach empowers people to build healthier habits and cope with triggers in a positive way.
The goal of incorporating holistic practices into recovery is to support the individual as a whole, addressing not just addiction but the root causes that contribute to it, such as emotional pain, trauma, or stress. These practices help individuals reconnect with themselves, cultivate inner peace, and develop coping strategies that promote sustained recovery. By focusing on overall wellness, holistic therapies enhance the effectiveness of traditional treatment and increase the likelihood of long-term success in recovery.
Tell us about your Alumni program
NEMG offers an alumni program to support individuals in their ongoing, long-term recovery. By fostering connection, community involvement, and service, we provide additional layers of support that reduce the risk of relapse. Our goal is to help alumni navigate their unique paths toward lasting success with continued resources and encouragement.
As the alumni coordinator, I incorporate holistic practices to support our alumni in their long-term recovery. We offer monthly reiki-infused sound baths for emotional healing, alumni meetings to maintain connections and provide ongoing support, and volunteer opportunities to foster a sense of purpose and belonging. Our goal is to promote continued connection, growth, and sustained recovery.
Courtney Gonynor is New England Medical Group’s Alumni Representative.
STORYTELLER: NANCY GAUDET
Support for T1D Moms on the South Shore, North Shore and Cape Cod
Past Storyteller Nancy Gaudet (“We Are on This Broken Road Together,” The Connections Issue 2022) is a Type One Diabetes (T1D) mom, but we prefer to think of her as a powerhouse and advocate for other T1D moms. Three years ago, Nancy shared with us that her son was diagnosed with T1D at age 9. For decades, she helped her son learn to navigate life with needles, finger pricks, insulin doses, constant blood sugar checks, seizures, comas, food challenges, and lifestyle changes—the daily life of a T1D patient who battles the “invisible” illness. Nancy herself experienced a seizure shortly after completing a 100-mile bike ride raising funds for T1D and was away from her son for days recovering in a hospital in another state.
About a year after her son was diagnosed, Nancy started a support group to meet other Type One moms.
STORYTELLER: KELLY JOHNSON
Legacy of impact guides businesses in volunteerism and coporate impact on their communities
Kelly Johnson (Honoree,The Advocacy Isse 2024) created Legacy of Impact in November of 2024, a nonprofit serving Massachusetts companies, and as an extension of her lifelong advocacy for families through her work at End Hunger
Sixteen years later and she knows the impact of sitting with other T1D Moms who just “get it.” So, in 2023, Nancy launched Type 1 Families, a nonprofit with a caring mission to foster a community “where caregivers can find solace, guidance, and the tools needed to navigate this complex terrain with resilience and strength.”
The organization hosts monthly support groups in Barnstable, Lynnfield, and Hanover, Massachusetts. In addition to monthly support groups, Nancy hosts fundraisers, creates awareness, offers education, and plans retreats for caregivers. Nancy and volunteers look for foundations and grant money for caregivers who are tackling the T1D life alone. The organization hand delivers Brave Beginnings bags to newly-diagnosed families, filled with information, snacks, and comfort toys for the child feeling scared and isolated while trying to figure out their new life.
“When my son was diagnosed, I had no one to talk to and I felt so alone and scared,” Nancy told us. “I started all of this because I was desperate to meet other Moms just like me. My vision is to
New England and Community Harvest, both of which fight food insecurity.
Her newest mission: Guide businesses to create and refine proactive community engagement efforts through nonprofit sponsorship, volunteerism, and in-kind donations.
“Together, we define your business’s community focused values to align support for nonprofits while engaging your employees and promoting your brand,” Kelly says.
Businesses seeiking support to enhance their current efforts and don’t know
grow this model by training other facilitators and to offer support groups all over Massachusetts and beyond.
Visit typeonefamilies.org to find a support group near you and to join weekend retreats, fundraisers, and educational workshops. And for those of you wondering, Nancy told us in 2022, “On May 6, 2022, the day I turned 62 years old, Chris and I closed on a house in a gated community in Plymouth. We plan to retire there together in the next 5 years and spend our time drinking good wine, riding our bikes, and making each other laugh.” Are they on track?
Yes! “Chris was instrumental in completing all the paperwork to establish my 501(c)3. He truly understands my passion for helping those with diabetes because both his sister and brother have diabetes.
“In May of 2025 we celebrated 5 years together and I still firmly believe that God has blessed my broken road.”
where to start, Legacy of Impact will plan and implement community engagement practices on their behalf.
Kelly has 15 years of experience working with community advocacy, and more than a decade of that time is as a professional in community engagement.
“Our neighbors rest a little easier knowing they can turn to nonprofits who are impacting lives daily,” she says.
“Businesses have a direct influence on community nonprofits and Legacy of Impact is here to help build those partnerships.”
Left: Kelly Johnson appeared in The Advocacy Issue 2024; Right: Nancy Gaudet told her love story in The Connections Issue 2022
Ruffled Maxi Halter Dress $68
STORYTELLERS
FROM BRIDGET
Co-Founders
Marci Goldberg Bracken
Bridget Ryan Snell
Chief Marketing Officer
Marci Goldberg Bracken
Chief Editor
Bridget Ryan Snell
Associate Editor
Laura Bissell
Design
Bridget Ryan Snell
Advisory Board and Consultants
Barb Chan
Patricia Norins Clapp
Lahaja Furaha
Alisha Kelly
Sales
Marci Goldberg Bracken
ISSN 2833-4787
Copyright 2024. The Pink Chair logo is a trademarked property of The Waiting Room Media, LLC. Pink Chair Storytellers Magazine is published 4 times per year in print and online at www.pinkchairstorytellers.com. Combined digital and print advertising opportunities, as well as sponsored content opportunities, are available. Rates are available upon request by emailing marci@pinkchairstorytellers.com or by calling 617.939.6193.
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Pink Chair Storytellers are talking about power and it’s not what you think. What I should clarify is that we continue to talk about power and with a nonpartisan lens and undeniable veridicality. The truth is, power is everywhere, and that means powerlessness sits next to it or at its feet. Just look around. What do you see?
If you’re at work, I hope you see colleagues working together as a team, but I bet you see frustrated managers. If you’re in the park, I hope you see walkers out for their pleasure and health, but I bet you see a homeless person walking with no where to go. If you’re in the doctor’s office, I hope you see a friend reporting great HDLs, but I bet you also see someone preparing for scary news.
We look down at our devices and when we get that ding of breaking news, we are entrenched in headlines about this spectrum of who-has-it-who-doesn’t. Let’s get a quick sample. As I write this, I took three words from the first three headlines on three mainstream media web sites.
“Partnership”
“meltdown”
“killing” “anti” “slam”
“pissed off” “boasts” “threatens” “ultimatums”
The first was surprising and looked great in a large, boldface font with a lot of space around it, making the word pop. I liked it very much.
The remaining headlines were assaulting and I think I felt my cortisol rising. No joke. But I keep reading and here is why: I’m learning about parts of the world that have changed in my lifetime because of shifting power and how those changes affect me way over here. It changes my perspective on the world. My vote. My messaging. I can only imagine how powerless those directly under the thumb of war or loss feel. Jin In, our cover Storyteller, reminds us that’s where empowerment grows from powerlessness. How can we feel one without the other?
Does that mean politics and weather are the forces to be reckoned with? That’s not what I see. I see power in the part about changing.
I think allowing change No, changing my mind is what makes me powerful.
I was stirred by someone’s story and changed my mind about a policy. I was emboldened by a speech I heard and changed my mind about my involvement. I became aware of an injustice and changed my mind about my vote.
Powerful stuff, this business of ego-busting, pride-emaciating admissions that I may have been wrong. Saying I am wrong is awful. But I am aware of its attractiveness. That feeling I get when I hear or say “I didn’t know that.” It’s a powerful feeling to educate another, and as a lifelong learner, I love knowledge.
We all do this, changing our minds. You remember 10 years ago you said you would never check your teen’s phone or enforce a curfew. You had different opinions about people on
continued on page 51
Bridget
FROM MARCI
There are many ways to define power, I think. Is power about having all the control? Is it about having all the information? Is power about always being right? Do you get power if you have a lot of money? A prestigious job? And do those things mean you are smarter than us and we should give you power? Are you powerful if a lot of people work for you? How do you know if you have the power?
Do I want the power?
It seems to me to be a tremendous responsibility. What happens if I’m using my power for the good of one person, but it’s bad for someone else?
I think about this often. I wonder sometimes if the ones we put in powerful positions are under the impression that they can tell us what to think, how to act, what is right, and what is wrong.
Let me say that again: People who are in positions of power—people I put there with my vote and my purchasing power—get their message heard louder and have more followers to hear it.
But do they really hold all the power?
I have no idea! I know powerful people around me try to convince me to think like them. And they believe they can do this because they have a stage, money, or a large following.
Here is my struggle: Isn’t there power in staying true to ourselves? Believing in ourselves? I believe there is.
Another question: Do you fee comfortable around the ones who do not think the way you do? Are you secure enough in your beliefs to be around others who think differently and act differently? I think that staying true to myself is my superpower. It’s ok to not think like everyone else.
I hate this cliché, but it rings true in too many scenarios. “You do you.”
Why are we, and I mean our society, always giving power to one person or a group? Is this laziness? Insecurity? Do we all need to be empowered? Because, as Bridget said in her editorial, one needs to feel powerless first to be empowered.
Why can’t the power come from within ourselves? And don’t forget about the power of respect for others.
These are the thoughts I’ve had as Pink Chair Storytellers has grown. I feel more powerful to have knowledge of other experiences. I feel more powerful when I am an open person because of Pink Chair Storytellers. I feel more powerful when I know more stories about others. I feel more powerful when I am always eager to learn. I feel powerful when I know who I am by learning about other people.
Jin In reminds us that empowered people empower people. I think that’s where we start: Make our superpower be about giving people their own power.
Contributors
Sam Correia
Kim Miles
Stephanie C. Olsen
Candy O’Terry
Jaya Pandey
Marie Romilus
Cover
Stephanie C. Olsen
Storyteller Portraits
Stephanie C. Olsen
Bridget Ryan Snell
The Pink Chair icon is a reminder that your story is safe with us; it’s a space free of judgment. How did it begin? We met in the waiting room of our kids’ karate dojo. Each week, while our kids toiled on the mats, we sat together in our folded metal chairs and unfolded our personal stories of joy, pain, love, and empowerment. The chairs became a judgment-free safe space. Now, when we see a metal waiting room chair, we remember the beginning of our story (but we made it pink and much cozier!) WE
HAVE A MAGICAL INVITING SAFE PERSUASIVE SUPPORTIVE EMBRACING ICONIC PINK CHAIR.
You have a story. Stories bring us together.
Marci
STORYTELLER
COURTNEY FLOOD
There’s POWER in TRUTH and LIES
“I can think of thousands of clichés that best describe how intricate and how simple the mind of an addict can be. I truly believe that I was born this way. I am not special, I am not an exception to any rule, and there is no back door entrance to recovery that will work for me; I need to storm through the front door with my bags packed ... I believed I was, essentially, designed to fail. I am from a great family with purpose and opportunity. And opportunity was not to be wasted. But I. Was. Wasted.”
THE POWER ISSUE 2025
40
JACY DAWN VALERAS
There’s POWER in the PIVOT
21 year-old Jacy was marching toward her goal of becoming a country music star. And then, in an instant, everything changed. Standing on the stage at Jellystone Park, singing the Righteous Brothers classic “Unchained Melody,” Jacy reached for the high note and her voice stopped. “It was as if someone had taken a knife to my throat. It was the worst pain. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. That moment was the beginning of the end of my singing career. My voice never fully came back.”
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MARIE ROMILUS
There’s POWER in my Black VOICE
“Two years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed bleeding for hours, screaming for help. These thoughts came through my head; Am I being ignored because I am Black? ... My cramps didn’t go away with the medication, but the pressure began to build. I could feel myself beginning to bleed. I screamed out to my nurse who was on the phone. She responded by raising her pointer finger in a gesture to wait, shush, stop. Because she was on the phone.”
JIN IN Doing POWER Differently
She wants the world to awaken to the collective power of empowered girls to fight poverty, the climate crisis, gun control, and insecurity. And she has the data, experience, and real-life stories to show it! In her book “Girl Power: Sustainability, Empowerment, and Justice” Jin unveils the first-ever global data concretizing what empowerment is and how every one of us can build what she calls “the muscles of empowerment.” She has been called to service and to work with Democratic and Republican administrations, White House National Security Council, Departments of State, Defense, and Homeland Security, UN Agencies, NATO, and grassroots organizations in 145 countries. Included in her list of “firsts” was being the inaugural girls’ health fellow in the first federal office dedicated to gender equity and policy, the Office on Women’s Health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. She created the first federal health program for youth, by youth, winning awards from the White House as well as the private sector. She founded a nonprofit organization For Girls GLocal Leadership (4GGL) and until recently, she was the first Assistant Vice President of Diversity and Inclusion at Boston University. She made time between keynotes during Women’s History Month to speak with us.
LGBTQIA+ VOICES CONNECTIONS TBRs LAUGHS
44 48 54
Sam Correia
Queer Film History
I’m not here to tell you my mediocre movie takes. I spoke with a person who knows movies: Atlanta-based film critic Jordan Costa has worked on films like “Don’t Look Up” with Leonardo DiCaprio and “The Holdovers” with Paul Giamatti.
Jaya Pandey Friendships Born in Vulnerability
“The moms in this group have a unique understanding of friendship. They see each other as lifelong sisters on this challenging journey. For them, friendship is not just a bond, it’s a sisterhood, a family, and a sense of belonging.”
Book
Reviews
Janet and Joanne offer powerful books to empower and be empowered. Parent and teen can read together because each book has a grown up and a teen version.
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Kim Miles
I’ll Leave You with This... “I’ll leave you with this… I’ve now come clean with the one thing that I might love more than my husband. Well, that and margaritas, M&M’s, and chicken parmesan ... I never knew an inanimate object could make me so happy, but here we are.”
Past Storyteller Beth Lane (The Advocacy Issue ‘22) will take questions from the Pink Chair after a screening of her award-winning documentary “UnBroken: Would You Hide Me?” on April 29th.
South Shore artists Kelly Russo and Carole Bolsey share “Unique Perspectives,” an exhibit at Norwell-based Savage Godfrey Gallery.
ZOOM
Twins JANET BIBEAU and JOANNE BIBEAU are from indie bookstore, Storybook Cover in Hanover, Massachusetts, founded by Janet. She is the organized one, the quieter one, and the worrier. She is also a lifelong book lover. Joanne is the louder/more talkative one, the scattered one, the more laid back one, and also a lifelong book lover. They bring you book recommendations inspired by each issue’s theme of identity, advocacy, power, and connection. StorybookCove.com
SAM CORREIA is the Community Engagement Librarian at the Duxbury Free Library and the newest columnist for PCS. They are passionate about community care, collective liberation, and radical hope for the future. They are the creator and Project Director of the South Shore LGBTQ Oral History Archive and co-organizer of the Queer Collective of MA/RI They give you personal reflections and history of the community on the South Shore of Massachusetts.
KIM MILES is the Founder and CEO of the production company, Miles in Heels Productions. She is a highly soughtafter keynote and TEDx speaker, emcee, creative collaborator, and event strategist. Kim brings readers a refreshing palate cleanser of humor at the end of each issue of PCS. She makes readers laugh
about menopause, chin hair, and all the things women don’t talk about enough. MilesinHeels.com
CANDY O’TERRY A regular contributor to PCS magazine, Candy O’Terry is the host of the award-winning podcast and radio series, “The Story Behind Her Success.” In 2024, she was inducted into the Massachusetts Broadcasters Hall of Fame. CandyOTerry.com
STEPHANIE C. OLSEN is a Certified Professional and Craftsman Photographer. Her 30-year career has spanned from family portraits and weddings to commercial clients, including Talbots and Wahlburgers. Each issue of PCS includes portraits of our Storytellers from her studio in Rockland, Massachusetts. StephanieOlsen.com
JAYA PANDEY is a special needs parent and community builder. She and her husband, Ashish, are raising sons Ajey and Anand. Her youngest son, Anand, has Autism. Jaya is passionate about writing, cooking, music, traveling, and connecting people. She uses Sarees as a medium to talk about social causes, disability, and life as an immigrant woman and a special needs mother.
MomLovesAnand.blogspot.com.
EXPERIENCED: Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Relationship Issues, Life Transitions
APPOINTMENTS: Children, Teens, Adults through Seniors
CONVENIENT: In-person and Telehealth Sessions
CARING: Speak with our Practice Administrator for personal service
PCS to host award-winning film by past Storyteller Beth Lane
Past Storyteller Beth Lane (“Would You Hide Me?” The Advocacy Issue, 2022) told us she decided to tell the Weber family story on film after she took a trip to Germany with her mother, Lina. It was Lina’s first trip to her homeland in more than 70 years— since she and her six siblings spent two years evading the Nazis and hiding in the laundry hut of a kind German couple. Lina was a 6 year-old survivor of war, survivor of Auschwitz, survivor of a harrowing journey to the United States. Beth vowed to preserve the story, reunite the Weber siblings, and honor the Schmidts, the German couple who risked everything to save the Weber children.
“It was no longer the Weber family point of view, it was the Schmidt family point of view,” Beth told PCS about how the story developed. “I know that theoretically had it not been for the Schmidts I wouldn’t be alive today. My kids wouldn’t be alive had it not been for
the Schmidts. But also if the Schmidts had been caught, it’s very likely that they would’ve been killed. So I said, ‘I am going to make a movie about this.’”
And she did.
The World Premiere of “UnBroken” was awarded Best Documentary Feature Film for Beth’s directorial debut at The Heartland International Film Festival on October 8th, 2023—one day after the terrorist organization Hamas attacked Israel in the worst genocide against the Jewish people since the Holocaust.
The film is presented by The Weber Family Arts Foundation, a nonprofit founded by Beth to honor the legacy of the Webers and with the mission of combatting antisemitism and hate by driving awareness, engagement, and activism. The foundation is partnered with the Holocaust Museum Los Angeles
Join Pink Chair Storytellers magazine for a one-night showing of UnBroken on April 29, 6:30 p.m. at Patriot Cinemas at Hingham Shipyard. Following the film, Beth Lane will answer questions from viewers. The screening is
sponsored by Norwell Family Dentistry, Congregation Sha’aray Shalom, Congregation Sharat Hayam, Duxbury for All, and South Shore Community Action Council
Tickets are $28 for general seating, $20 for students and can be purchased at PinkChairStorytellers.com/events.
Norwell Family Dentistry
“Our world is a mess, and we need every single person to become an agent of change,” says Jin In in her book “Girl Power: Sustainability, Empowerment, and Justice.” The researcher, writer, empower-ist, action-ist, and global-ist is on a mission to remind us that when we define power differently, we shift power and use it more wisely.
Our conversation starts here:
When we first met, we were talking about the passing of President Jimmy Carter. The mark I want to leave is never going to equal his, but, I want my kids to at least see me in service to others as he did.
Jin: First, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating this brand new issue on power. Indeed, you are leaving a mark in the world!
Speaking of power and someone who did it differently was President Carter. He used his power for good and in service of–two hallmarks of empowerment. I had the privilege of being with him at the Carter Center Human Rights Defenders Forum two years in a row. And there, I watched him patiently listening to every single survivor of horrific violation of their human rights. Most were from war-torn countries or countries ruled by a brutal dictator with no freedom to speak out. So President Carter listened. Simply listened no matter how long they spoke. Now keep in mind at the time, he was in his 90s. And yet, the time and attention he gave outlasted most of us in the room. From him, I learned the healing power of deep listening. I’m sure it’s why he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, and since then, I’ve been on a mission to meet as many Nobel Peace laureates as possible—18 and counting! Now, to your concern about service and giving back, you may think we must be extraordinary like President Carter. But I believe: Do what you can with what you have, right now. This is what I learned from
wise mentors and role models like President Carter. Also from my Eastern ethos, I learned to practice service not as a onetime act, but as a way of life. Lastly, my experience has been that the poor give and serve more. When I’m in poor countries or in poor neighborhoods in rich countries, people have opened their homes, cooking for me and sharing whatever they have. As far as net worth, they give so much more than wealthy people.
I want to get back to this, but I want to talk about you. Do you mind talking about your beginnings?
Of course not. But first, I see why you’re a storyteller. A wise mentor taught me: To see fully, you need hindsight, foresight, and insight. This is in fact to whom I dedicate my book “Girl Power”–those who have given me sight. And it’s what you’re doing, now!
So my beginning: I was born in one of the poorest countries on the planet. To help you and the readers visualize my world at that time, modern toilets were rare, street food vendors were prevalent. I can still smell the food, getting it walking to school and sharing it with friends.
Indeed, the year I was born, South Korea’s gross domestic product per capita was less than Mexico, South Africa, and even North Korea! Yes, the darkest country on the planet today. And yet, South Korea today is the 11th largest world economy. This growth happened in one generation—my generation.
What do you remember about South Korea?
What I remember is simply being happy. Now reflecting, I think it was more about being content—that is, not so poor that I was suffering but also liberated from the constant consumption of America. I have now been to areas around the world where people, particularly females, sell their bodies for money and food. On the other side, especially in the United States, I witnessed people buying stuff and more stuff even when they don’t need it. My memory of South Korea was a balance.
Now I also realize my happiness was the result of having a sense of agency as well as knowing it must be shared with others. I played outside with friends, bought my own food from street vendors and then shared with everyone. One such yummy treat is called hotteok, a kind of honey-filled pancake that’s served warm. It’s wrapped in newspaper folded like origami. Walking to school, playing with other children…it’s
all normal not knowing what many see as a tragedy. My father passed away when I was just seven months old. I have no conscious memory of this person. In fact, I call him my DNA father—now, I have a soul father whom my mother married when I was a teenager. The plot twist of this tragedy is that I didn’t know it—my father’s death. My whole family created a makebelieve world where I was told that both my mother and my father went to the United States to build a better life for us, and one day soon, they’ll send for me (and my older sister) for all of us to be reunited in the U.S. Most children believe what adults tell them. I believed what adults told me. All the while, my sister and I remained in Seoul, South Korea, raised by three loving grandparents—my mother’s parents and her grandmother. There’s a saying that a child only needs one loving adult. I had three!
Did you have male influences in your life before you were reunited with your mom in the United States?
Yes. My grandfather, my mother’s father. He was the patriarch of the family, and he had impeccable character derived from Eastern ethos and philosophies like honesty, duty and honor, humility, and respect for elders. He taught me when I was a young child, “your word is your honor.” This meant you are responsible and accountable for what you say—no matter how big or small. This is still ingrained in me.
So, I was deeply puzzled when I heard a lot of empty words in America. “Let’s do lunch, let’s meet again soon, I’ll call you…” with no follow up. Even more befuddling was the reply I got when I called them on it, “Do you have it in writing?”
What?! What writing? They said it. As a young person, this was truly perplexing. So I called my grandfather and told him about this strange social practice in America. However, he calmly responded, “It doesn’t matter what other people do. You know what we taught you.”
Females make up about half the world’s farmers. If all female farmers were empowered we would produce 30% more food and feed 150 MILLION MORE MOUTHS. What may be the most surprising fact is that our planet would decrease
2.1 GIGATONS OF CARBON EMISSIONS by 2050.
Indeed, my grandfather was an extraordinary man. He lived a similar life as mine but in Japan. When he was a child, South and North Korea were one country under Japanese occupation. Education was rare. Certainly higher education was. So his father sent him to Japan as a child to get an education, including college. In fact, he even got a full scholarship for a Ph.D. at Sorbonne University in Paris, France— which was extremely rare at the time. You’d have to be truly gifted to get a Ph.D. scholarship in a Western school, let alone Sorbonne.
And yet, he turned it down. Yes, he declined what may have been a once in lifetime opportunity because of his ethos—duty, honor, responsibility. His country, South Korea, was at war and his countrymen were suffering. He thought “How great am I if I only develop myself when my whole country is suffering.” Furthermore, the so-called leaders of his country fled as many do like what we saw in Afghanistan and many others. The leaders are supposed to protect their country and yet, they’re the first to flee just to protect themselves. The United Nations and the United States asked him to stay and work with them. So he did, traveling to numerous countries, working with ally countries. He also learned and spoke multiple languages. We have pictures of him at the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, and also at the United Nations—all extraordinary at the time. The whole family looked up to him, not just for his travel experience, but foremost, because of what he gave up, even more foreign in an individualistic society like America.
Collectivism, collective rising is what my grandfather believed in and practiced. And he taught me to do the same. I think his ethos is in my DNA as I later saw them in myself when I started a nonprofit for every girl on the planet to be empowered and become a powerful agent for change.
Was your mother taught the same? How did she make the decision to go to the U.S.?
I sense I was the beneficiary of age, wisdom, and patience that my grandfather acquired by the time he was raising me. When my mother was growing up, he was different. Life was different. Most girls and young women were groomed to marry well. They had little practice in risk taking. So when my father died, my mom thought, “Why would I go to another country?” This may be hard for us to understand. Today, many travel or even move abroad readily. Back then, as my paternal aunt once told me, “The only people who move to another country are those who can’t make it in their own country.”
Another plot twist to my story is that I was in fact born to one of the richest families in South Korea. My father’s family is one of a handful of landowners in South Korea. So I was born into power, and my mother never worked. Why would she aspire to go to a foreign country with a language she didn’t speak to get a job?
With this said, it’s all about timing. During the 1970s and 1980s, there were mass immigrations of South Koreans to the United States. So, my wise grandfather cleverly encouraged her to go. So this wasn’t her idea.
No. My grandfather brilliantly incentivized her to just try it out for one year—extending it every year. He was
also direct—almost too direct and honest. I was told my grandfather told my mom bluntly, “You don’t have a life here. You have no social circle. In fact, they will look down on you for not having a husband.” He was right. She was ousted by her social circle because her husband died. Sadly, this [shaming and outcasting of widows] still goes on. In India, widows live in a separate village and they also wear white so that they can be identified in society.
What was your experience realizing that you had been disempowered?
I was asked to write my story for the International Museum of Women in San Francisco. That was when I reflected and realized that this disempowermentempowerment transformation happened three times—forks in the road which changed the trajectory of my life. Indeed, they were transformative: two deaths and one near death.
The first is the death of my father when I was seven months old. Most people think this is a tragedy. However, I see it as the moment my empowerment journey began. I was free to be who I am, not my father’s daughter because the value and worth of females at the time in South Korea was based on the man in their lives. In fact, I recently heard something which summarizes this profoundly: “Know thyself, not know about thyself.”
Another plot twist to my story is that I was born into great wealth. I noted this earlier—that my father’s family were landowners. My grandfather told me this. And this wealth was cut off the moment my father died because females weren’t given rights to inheritance. Even today, most landowners around the world are males. In my book, “Girl Power,” I lay out numerous shocking laws and social norms discriminating against girls and women.
Gratefully, I learned all of this as an adult, and it was like listening to a fairytale. I didn’t feel any grievance. Furthermore, I saw what had to have happened for me to be where I am today. That is, without the death of my father, my mother would have never immigrated to the United States. Foremost, I would not be championing Girl Power. For all of this to have transpired, my dad had to die.
Now, the second death was of my childhood mentor and guardian angel who trained me to be a servant leader. This is a story of its own. And the last one is near death, mine, which was the catalyst for collecting the first-ever girls and young women’s empowerment data on a global scale. Hopefully, we’ll get to this later!
Yes, let’s talk more about what happened when you came to this country. Child’s eyes: what’s happening?
I vividly remember the day I came to the United States. I was eight and my sister was ten. My grandmother dressed us in matching coats. It was a very long plane ride— nonstop from Seoul, South Korea, to Houston, Texas! I ran out of the airplane eager to hug my mom and dad.
GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUNDING FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
But what I saw was one parent—my mother. Now, this would have shocked most kids, but I was more shocked by what I saw, not what I didn’t see. That is, the airport was filled with people of different race and ethnicity—not like me.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s experienced that before.
It was like being in Disney World, but it was the real world. And I was completely enchanted. In some ways, I learned about diversity early. Foremost, I chose curiosity rather than drowning in my sorrow about a loss I couldn’t do anything about.
In fact, my mom told me that she didn’t want to bring us [to the United States] until she was ready, including ready to tell us that my father died unexpectedly. Later, my grandfather told me that he had to buy time, every year, because she wanted to bring us, and he knew she wasn’t ready—didn’t have sufficient financial and social support to raise two children. As the saying goes: It takes a village to raise a child, let alone two children. So again, my grandfather told my mom, “You have to build a world that you want to bring your children into.”
And she did! However, her story is very different. She’s very different…than me. I’m inquisitive, a risk-taker, practice trial by fire. For example, when I was young, I was told, “You can’t go to school with your older sister.” But I followed her, walking with her…I just kept going. Then as a teenager, I’d go bungee jumping and skydiving. Yeah, I think I have a natural inclination of “Let’s try it!” Another key component of empowerment.
What made you decide to go back? Because most people don’t. Once they get away from that disempowerment, the idea of going back to it and sitting in it for a while, well, most won’t.
Well, this is where I have to be honest and humble. It wasn’t my call. I was called. It’s why it’s called a “calling” or a vocation. When we finally let go of our agenda and surrender to a greater calling, we are shown the way. Also, what I didn’t realize is that I was trained—to become an “empower-ist.” I don’t know if that’s a word! Nevertheless, I write in the book about the person who trained me, my childhood mentor, a saint who I mentioned earlier. She wasn’t just my trainer. She was foremost my human mirror. What do I mean by this? We’re the only ones who can’t see ourselves. I can see you. You can see me, but I can’t see myself. So we look in the mirror. But this isn’t who we truly are. We see what we want to see, not what is. Many times, we see blemishes, imperfections…or the opposite, glorification. Funny now we have a term for this: Selfie. Human mirrors reflect back to you not only who you are,
but also who you can become. The highest expression of who you are.
Know thyself.
Exactly.
Tell me about her.
Barbara Crocker was another extraordinary human being—a quiet superhero—by whom I was taught, mentored and loved. We all called her Betty Crocker for her amazing baking. In fact, I thought she was the Betty Crocker as people would go gaga over her baking, and then I went to the grocery store and saw her baking boxed up. “Oh my gosh, she’s Betty Crocker!” Gratefully, I was her apprentice. She taught and gave me her baking secrets like sifting flour “to put your loving spirit into your baking.” What was most remarkable about Barbara was that she was a fierce social justice warrior. I didn’t know it at the time as she did it quietly. Looking back, she was a superhero—doing normal work during the day and working for racial rights, women’s rights, immigrant rights during the off hours. Case in point, she mentored and supported a lot of immigrant children in Houston, one of the largest cities in America with extraordinary diversity. Fifty two languages were spoken in my high school!
Barbara was the first person who gave me a history lesson on the discrimination and unequal treatment that women and girls endured in the United States. I was shocked to learn when she was young, attending Baylor University, female students had to wear skirts, no pants, and the common notion was that women were going to college to get an “Mrs.” degree. However, Barbara excelled academically, She got a master’s degree in speech pathology. Also she went to the White House as the sole female student on the debate team. She met President Lyndon Johnson! And she rebelled against the status quo. She wore jeans, rolled underneath her skirt. Lastly, Barbara warned me not to take social progress for granted. “We have to be vigilant,” she said. We can go backwards—like what we’re experiencing right now!
So, I had the best of both worlds as role models. My mother, the disciplinarian with strong Eastern ethos— honesty, duty, and respect. You know, I got this training. Also, I received the Western ethos training from Barbara— challenging authority but also practicing justice with love as Martin Luther King Jr. stated. Barbara was in fact my spiritual mentor, my Sunday school teacher.
My formative years were a balance of East and West. However, I wouldn’t say my mom was a mentor. Mentors have a special role and impact—similar to mothers and yet distinct. And not everyone has a mentor. Many of my colleagues in Washington, D.C., New York, San Francisco,
Boston have told me they never had a mentor And yet, they’re in leadership positions. To this, I believe achieving something is not the same as becoming someone. And mentors help you become the best version of yourself. Barbara taught me something powerful—to transform my thinking. I write about one such experience in “Girl Power.” Shortly after arriving in America, a child in my class called me “poor” when he learned I came from South Korea. “Oh, you’re from a poor country, you’re poor.” English is my second language and Barbara reinforced my ESL class. So when I asked her what “poor” is because another child called me this, without missing a beat and with her southern charm smile, she replied, “Oh, honey, it’s an adjective. Remember how we learned adjectives the other day? Adjectives are a temporary state. Like one day you’re happy. The next day you’re sad. Today you may be poor. But we’re going to change that.”
Then, she did something even more powerful—action! She taught me to serve the poor. She taught and trained me on community service and social justice activism. Furthermore, she transformed words. When I first met her, I’d say things like, “girls can’t do this, girls can’t do that” because that’s what I heard as a child in Korea. But she would clarify, “The word can’t does not exist.” She noted so firmly that I literally thought the word “can’t” did not exist.
Now, as an empowerment researcher, this is exactly what data showed empowerment is. It’s a process going from “I cannot” to “I can.” It’s a transformation from “cannot” to “can.” And if you’re a little child and your lexicon doesn’t have the word cannot, all you know is can!
Indeed, Rabbi Abraham Heschel said, “speech has power. Words do not fade. What starts out as a sound ends in a deed.” And voice is one metric I used to collect empowerment data.
Your research on girls’ empowerment is the first and only research of its kind. Where did you start?
To clarify, I collected empowerment data on a global scale. My target group was adolescent girls and young women; however, I’m not sure it’s ever been collected on any group on a global scale.
Now, I’d love to say that I planned this or even my career. On the contrary, I was called—to this research, work, and path. It began when I experienced the greatest injustice of my life. Barbara, my mentor and saint, was diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease with no cure— Lupus. When I dug deep, I learned that there is no cure for any autoimmune disease. autoimmune diseases are prevalent in women, and medicine has been mostly about men, white men at that. Indeed, it wasn’t until a 1991 law that the National Institute of Health started to include women and minorities in clinical trials. Before 1991, even
breast cancer research was done only on white males, as hard as that is to believe.
To make this worse, Houston has the world’s largest medical center. It’s the home to MD Anderson Cancer Center, DeBakey Heart Center, Texas Children’s Hospital…and on and on. It’s so big it has its own zip code. And yet, no cure for my Barbara. So I went to medical school. However, I didn’t go to become a doctor. I went to find a cure for my Barbara.
That’s when I opened a Pandora’s box. The disregard and devaluation of girls and women isn’t just in medicine, and not just in the U.S. A global compilation of the disempowerment—status of girls—is in “Girl Power.” The reality is that our planet is truly a man-made, maledominated, male-majority world.
With this said, Barbara taught me to never be so angry that you become part of the problem. She would say, “Heal, not hate.” I remember the day that I felt like I’d failed. “Barbara, I don’t have a cure for you.” And she said, “Honey, your job isn’t to save me. It’s to reach back and pull [along] all the girls just like you.”
She gave you permission to stop trying to heal her.
Yes. This was the second death—disempowerment/ empowerment transformation—I noted earlier. Rather than worrying about what you cannot do, do what you can, now. This is in fact the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
So, I did what Barbara trained me to be. I don’t even know if it’s a word but she’d say, “Honey, you’re not an activist nor an advocate. You are an actionist!”
Oh, I like that. Did Barbara prepare you to be an actionist?
Absolutely! First, for me an actionist is a real-life superhero disguised as an ordinary person. So, Barbara was a speech pathologist. She worked for the state of Texas, which meant that she served disadvantaged, underserved communities, literally and figuratively restoring people’s voices. This was her superpower and she took me along training me to do the same.
What I witnessed was true healing—not just the physical voice. More importantly, I watched her restore their dignity, respect, and worth as a human being. One amazing human being and human soul I write about in “Girl Power” is Ms. Lily Ruth Warren. She lived in the projects of Houston. She didn’t have a family of her own. Instead, she dedicated her whole life to a white family being their cook and maid. So when she suffered a stroke at an old age, there was no one to take care of her. Barbara
was assigned to her to fix Ms. Warren’s voice, only. But of course, she did more, making sure she had food, her bills were paid on time, her door was locked because kids in the neighborhood would quietly come in to steal her food.
If girls globally received and completed free, safe, quality education for 12 years, we could add $15-$30 trillion into the global economy. THAT’S TRILLION WITH A “T.”
When Barbara got ill and she was too weak from Lupus, she graciously passed the baton to me. So I befriended this elderly frail woman. But soon, I learned I was the recipient of a greater gift—love. This happened on Thanksgiving. I asked, “Miss Warren, who are you spending Thanksgiving with?” She replied, “Oh, honey, I don’t celebrate those anymore.” I insisted, “But it’s Thanksgiving. Maybe there’s something we can be thankful for, together. I’ll spend it with you!” As an immigrant and Korean, my Thanksgivings consisted of a hodgepodge of food. So I thought I really wouldn’t be missing anything. And given Ms. Warren suffered a stroke, I planned on going to the store to pick up a few things. To my surprise, she said, “Oh, no. I’ll just put together something. All you have to do is show up.”
I showed up. And I was shocked. She cooked for days a meal that you would see in Southern Living magazine. I felt immensely special—the generosity, love, and not to mention purchasing all this food she couldn’t afford. It touched my heart, deeply, bringing tears to my eyes—as it does even now as I share this profound experience with you.
Indeed, this was one of many experiences that showed me how generous “the poor” are—what I noted at the beginning of our conversation. It reminds me of the wisdom of the poet Hafez: “And still, after all this time, The sun never says to the earth, ‘You owe Me.’ Look what happens with a love like that, It lights the Whole Sky.”
That’s beautiful. Is that how you get through these experiences—whenever you travel into a country with great conflict or poverty to collect the data—these stories of girls around the world?
To be clear, there isn’t much to “get through.” On the contrary, I’m met with hospitality and generosity. The foundation is built on common purpose and commitment to building Girl Power.
But first, “You can’t be what you can’t see.” as Marian Edelman who founded the Children’s Defense Fund profoundly noted. So I come armed with indisputable data to show just how powerful, impactful, and sustainable girls’ empowerment is. For example, if girls globally received and completed free, safe, quality education for 12 years, we can add $15 to $30 trillion into the global economy. That’s trillion with a “t.”
This is why I wrote “Girl Power”—to show our world a powerful force for change.
How do you do that?
Mastery is turning complexity into simplicity. That is, empowerment has to be concrete for it to be realizable in our lives. First, what is empowerment—exactly? The word empowerment is used pervasively but what exactly does it mean? And when governments, businesses, and organizations claim that they are doing it, usually for women and girls, what exactly are they doing and are they making progress? Second, how is it—or is it—different from equality and equity which are all synonymously used together? Third, is empowerment just for girls and women or can anyone develop it? To find out, I went out and collected data, not just in poor countries but also rich countries including the United States. The target demographic group was adolescent girls and young women, but interestingly, we also got data about adolescent boys and young men.
The results are profound. It may even shock you! For example, the word “empowerment” doesn’t exist in most languages. That is, there is no direct correlation like “apple” in Spanish is “manzana” in French “pomme” in Arabic “تفاحة” in Mandarin “蘋果”.
What? No such word?
Yes! Imagine when a word is not in your lexicon. It’s not in your consciousness. And yet, I believe the spirit of empowerment—a sense of liberation that comes with agency—is in every one of us. It may be hidden deep inside or dormant, but it’s in there. And it’s not just in some of us. It’s in all of us.
So, to your question—how? Especially in cultures where girls—females as a whole for that matter—are not valued? Well, I first listen and learn and then lead with data. I call it my three L’s. But before anything, I come with no judgment. This is a spiritual principle. In fact, the word “satan” doesn’t mean what many may think. It’s derived from Hebrew meaning the “accuser” “judger” It’s the wisdom behind “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”
And the local people reciprocate, maybe because they think I’m not American? That is, when they meet me, they see an Asian person so they make no judgment about our culture, the American culture. In fact, most think I’m Chinese, and the only person who really cares about this is my mother. She wants me to tell everyone I’m South Korean, not Chinese.
Now, what doesn’t work is know-it-all Americans dictating to other cultures what they should do, how they should fix things—sound familiar with our current power?
What works is listening, what I learned from President Carter. Then learn what they have to teach you about their rich heritage and sacred traditions. Then lead with data— indisputable, powerful data showing how impactful Girl Power is to their families, communities, and sustainability.
I simply let “Girl Power” speak for itself! And a telltale sign that this works is that within six months of starting this work, the charitable organization I founded, For Girls GLocal Leadership (4GGL), received partnership and training requests from organizations serving more than half a million girls and young women, globally. Even ones with decades of experience in development and sustainability, “Girl Power” was a novelty. In the book, I write about one such striking experience with the international organization BRAC, the world’s largest NGO (non-governmental organization.) Unbeknownst to me, at a small event, I met the chairman of BRAC who in fact has been knighted by the Queen of England for his humanitarian work, globally. After exchanging what we do, our life’s mission, he commended me for my work. However, it was his departing words that stuck with me, “I commend you because the population you’re advocating for is the ‘disposable’ population.”
Now, I knew what he meant. Girls, especially in poor countries, are not valued. It’s how we got to where we are today—a male-majority planet as I show in “Girl Power.” Nevertheless, it angered me. “How dare he call my people disposable?!” Moreover, how can he claim that his work is truly sustainable if he doesn’t empower girls—the next generation of changemakers in his communities?
So I wrote him a passionate 2:00 a.m. email. First, I thanked him. Then, I blasted into data, ending with the fact that “Girl Power” is a gamechanger and if he plans on making a dent in the global development space, girls’ and young women’s empowerment must be incorporated into his work. Several weeks later, I got a reply. It said I met their chairman and founder who invited me to come to Bangladesh to train them on Girl Power. That was when I learned BRAC has served 100 million people, globally, including nearly a quarter of a million girls in Bangladesh. In essence, they are the Bangladeshi government.
So, whatever the crisis, I have a solution for you! And there is no crisis where “Girl Power” demonstrates its impact more powerfully—and surprisingly—than in national security and peacebuilding. I lay out the fact in my book that national security is inextricably linked to the safety of girls and women. In fact, (as Valerie Hudson, a colleague and scholar in political science at The Bush School of Government and Public Service, Texas A&M University noted) the best predictor of a nation at war is not lack of democracy, poverty, or religious or ethnic conflict. It is violence against women. This isn’t just for “those countries over there”—wherever that is. In the United States of America, a felony domestic violence
conviction is the single most significant predictor of future violent crime found by the Department of Justice.
I entered this arena after the adoption of the United Nations Security Council Resolution 1325, on women, peace, and security, and President Obama signed an executive order on the U.S. National Action Plan. It may surprise you that President Trump (in his first term) signed the Women Peace and Security Act of 2017, the first comprehensive law in the world on the subject. This is how I started to have conversations with the Department of Defense and NATO.
In your book we learn the direct impact on girls when you lay out all the facts about climate change. How do you convince someone who doesn’t believe in climate change? I suppose you have to meet people where they’re at.
Yes. Nelson Mandela poignantly noted, “If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.” I interpret this literally and metaphorically. Language that goes to our hearts is our love language—what you care most about. So if you care about politics, I speak politics. If you care about national security, I speak national security. If you care about money, I speak money. Indeed, I’ve learned a lot of languages—literally and metaphorically. That said, the love language most people speak is our safety and security. When that’s threatened, it’s all hands on deck. People find resources to protect themselves and their community.
This is how I was called to Washington, D.C. to work for a U.S. Administration. At the height of the 9/11 crisis—a rare attack on U.S. soil and not since Pearl Harbor—I made a compelling case to strategically focus on girls and young women for their intergenerational impact. I served as the first girls’ health fellow in the first federal office dedicated to gender equity and policy. That office is called the Office on Women’s Health at the Office of the Secretary at the U.S. department of Health and Human Services.
Today’s safety and security issue is climate change. No one can escape the harm we’ve caused to our planet. That’s not reversible. So we need a gamechanger. And even here, Girl Power is shockingly impactful and transformative. Thank goodness climate experts have already done this work! Project Drawdown assembled a team of over 200 researchers, scientists, policymakers, business leaders, and activists. I think King Charles, Prince Charles at the time, was a part of this group. They came up with 100 climate solutions and when they organized them by categories and put them in a pie chart, voila! The largest slice of the pie was girls as the agent of change—specifically girls’ education and family planning.
If you truly care about a sustainable future, you must
STRONGER THAN ALL ARMIES IS AN IDEA WHOSE
TIME HAS COME
-Victor Hugo
invest in Girl Power. Let me show you why. Let’s just look at one industry—agriculture. Female farmers make up about half of the world’s farmers, more in low to middle income countries. If all female farmers were empowered— have equal access to resources and own their land—we would produce 30% more food and feed 150 million more mouths. What may be the most surprising fact is that our planet would decrease 2.1 gigaton of carbon emission by 2050. Now this is the area where investors like Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and the like have focused. They’re looking for an innovative technology that can do this whether via carbon capture/removal or carbon credit. But they can simply invest in female farmers–give them $1 trillion, the current market price for 2.1 gigaton of carbon emission removal or $105 billion for 2.1 gigaton of carbon credit. In fact I love speaking with people who love money. President Trump said he wants to cut $2 trillion in federal funding. I’m happy to help him make that money. If girls and women have equal access to healthcare, that will add $1 trillion into the global economy. Equal pay is $7 trillion into the global economy. The most amount of money he can make is by investing in girls’ education—$15 to $30 trillion. Yes, Girl Power makes money for the world!
You’re talking about taking something complex and simplifying it.
Yes. It’s mastery. And yet, hard. We’re creatures of habit. We do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, Einstein’s definition of insanity.
But just like we can’t bomb our way out of wars, we can’t make more stuff our way out of climate change—no matter how green the stuff is. More stuff is just more stuff. What we need to do is change ourselves and our culture—Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle as Greta Thunberg inspires us. She’s in my book “Girl Power.” And I’ve become a “cultural climat-ist.”
Do you see another Jin In anwhere in this world?
I hope so. Our world is a mess! And I don’t mean just here in the United States with our toxic model of power fueling political division and hatred. Sadly, today conflicts and wars are erupting globally—Ukraine, Israel, and places we may not know much about like Sudan and Yemen. Victor Hugo said, “Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.” This is Girl Power. Who would have thunk it?! And there has never been a time like right now to be alive and a girl. In fact, it’s the best time to be alive and empowered for every one of us!
So on January 1st, the first day of this year, I woke up with a call to action for our world: do power differently! Toxic, dominating power got us here. The only way to get
out of this mess is for every single person to examine their perception of power and then, do it differently. It’s my challenge to you and every one of us!
This requires truly thinking and acting outside the box. There’s a wise Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” I’d add, transform the whole damn fishing industry. Empowerment is not just about the individual. Sustainability requires an ecosystem, a community.
This brings us back to the third pivotal moment of my disempowerment-empowerment. I noted there were three: The first was my father’s death. The second was my mentor’s death. The third was when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few years after I started 4GGL. Yes, I was literally running out of physical power. It’s when I realized sustainable power, empowerment, it requires an ecosystem. I also realized the only way to truly understand and use power for good is to know powerlessness. Otherwise there is no true empowerment. Interestingly, I’ve had a relationship with energy my whole life. My name is In Jin. In Korean, you say the last name first. So when I came to the United States and people asked me for my name, I replied, In Jin. They thought “engine.” I also had tons of energy. So I was known as the Energizer bunny, the little engine that could and the back of my letter jacket in high school had “engine” on it!
That is fantastic.
Yes. Energy is a form of power and all forms of power are neither good or bad. It’s how you use them. In fact, I was taught not to hoard power, but make it flow. For example, money is called currency. A mentor of mine taught me that it’s called currency because like water, it is meant to flow—from one person to another. The moment it’s stagnant or hoarded in one place or person, it becomes toxic.
This is empowerment—transformed power. It’s doing power differently: 1.) It’s collective and inclusive, meaning never at the expense of another group; 2.) It’s win-win, not zero sum; 3.) It works to balance power dynamics. This starts with your community, then your nation, then the world. Ultimately, we strive to be one with a power greater than ourselves.
My motto is: Empowered people empower people. I hope this will be on my tombstone!
Visit 4ggl.org. Scan the qr code to purchase Jin’s book “Girl Power: Sustainability, Empowerment, and Justice,” the inaugural element in Cambridge University Press Sustainability series investigating persistent, multi-scale challenges to global sustainability and strategies to address them.
There is Power in theTRUTH (and in the LIES I Told Myself)
I wasn’t supposed to be an addict. The never-ending list of things I wasn’t supposed to do and managed to do is overwhelming to put on paper, and honestly, not necessary. What’s important is what happened after. Not because it looks pretty or has a fantastic outcome (it does) but because there is still pain in my life, there is still struggle, and there are still mountains to move to maintain a level of mental stability.
To literally just live.
I remember sitting in the chapel at the Plymouth House, inpatient treatment, day one, “This is where we get quiet for a period of time and meditate to listen for the answers to our prayers.” I thought, so let me get this straight, I wake up in the morning, one hour before my children, because I have enough awareness about myself to know that if I wake up to the demands of other humans before I have taken a moment to find gratitude around the things that I “get to do” today rather than what “I have to do?” I am stirring the pot with a recipe for disaster.
What that meant for me was that there was a laundry list of things that I needed to do—that “normal” people didn’t need to do—just to be okay. Are you dialed in? Are you listening closely? All I know how to talk about is “I” and how I need to perform to be perceived—received— and to be able to succeed and move forward. I am not going that way until I know that there is some element of return for me. I was completely blind to what was going on around me with an absolutely mutilated sense of self that could only be fed with praise and admiration. I was crumbling, a self-recorded flat line if you will. I wasn’t able to see the damage in my wake or the bridges that were in an inferno around me. But I was fully prepared to surrender.
Sometimes.
My internal systems are forever at odds. My ego is so
inflated that I could talk for hours about the amazing things I can accomplish and I can paint a picture of the person that you want me to be (or the person I think you want me to be). But when it’s quiet and I get to be alone with myself, it feels empty and unfamiliar. I am seeking external solutions for an internal problem. And so it begins: The circus of my life attempting to melt into a mold that was not created for me. And so that is what I do. I create the version of myself best suited for the occasion and the return on investment is monumental: validation, rationalization, explanation, denial, then shame. My way of life now. The issue is, among many others, I judge myself and who I was, on my intentions, which are always good, but I couldn’t deliver; I never followed through. Thousands of unfinished projects that carried a small amount of potential. I was pretty good at many, many things and was never able to pinpoint anything that was of any real interest to pursue.
Wait, back up, let me tell you how I got here. Sometimes I forget to connect the dots, my ADHD running rampant.
I believed I was, essentially, designed to fail. I am from a great family with purpose and opportunity. And opportunity was not to be wasted. But I. Was. Wasted. To be even a fraction better than your lowest low, you will have to understand how you got there. When you get on an airplane, if you listen closely to the emergency instructions, they clearly state to establish your own oxygen mask before securing the needs of others. Have you ever really thought about what that means? We cannot be of service to others until our own house is clean. The blind leading the blind, I can think of thousands of generic plays on words that best describe how intricate and how simple the mind of an addict/alcoholic can be. I truly believe that I was born this way. I am not special, I am not an exception to any rule, and there is no back door entrance to recovery that will work for me; I need to storm through the front door with my bags packed.
I can think of thousands of clichés that best describe how intricate and how simple THE MIND OF AN ADDICT can be. I truly believe that I was born this way. I am not special, I am not an exception to any rule, and there is no back door entrance to recovery that will work for me; I need to storm through the front door with my bags packed.
photos: Bridget Ryan Snell
...there was an incident of sexual abuse. I don’t know why I always refer to this in such a textbook way. Maybe it’s my brain helping my heart with the acceptance piece. But the reason this is an integral part of my story—and I want to stress this— is to tell you that this is not why I am an addict. My addiction is not a result of my experiences. Drugs are not my problem. I am my problem.
I won’t bother you with the minute or grandiose details of the past—the past looks like a hard line on November 3, 2017. I didn’t know at that moment how much my life would change and that the most dramatic changes were coming in a short period that your mind will not allow you to envision. Think about the most confusing, entertaining, raw, dramatic, heart-wrenching, heartwarming, empowering movie you have ever seen. Think about it with the acceptance that you’re never going to understand it and that you don’t need to because the return is so great that the details don’t matter.
When I was what is to be considered a child, aged 12, old enough to understand the ramifications of my actions and what is right and wrong but young enough to accept the direction of adults and assume they are made with good intentions because that is all that we know, there was an incident of sexual abuse. I don’t know why I always refer to this in such a textbook way. Maybe it’s my brain helping my heart with the acceptance piece. But the reason this is an integral part of my story, and I want to stress this, is to say that this is not why I am an addict. My addiction is not a result of my experiences. Drugs are not my problem. I am my problem. I simply cannot get out of my own way. I am intelligent enough to identify areas of concern and possible solutions. I am capable of laying this out in a plan of action. But I am incapable of taking action. That’s okay. I have the awareness now, right? And that is essentially the framework of the roadmap that we need to build around this. Whoever made up this culture of “barreling-through-issues” bullshit was clearly not an addict. My addiction is not going anywhere, and I am blessed with addiction for eternity. I am not looking for ways to push through. I am the problem, and it’s my responsibility to navigate how I move through this life while I am here on this earth and adapt to my “isms” so that I can have peace in my heart and a good conscience.
that I am putting this on paper, I realize how much sense that makes. I didn’t feel human, so how can I remember feeling or thinking at any notable time in my life? I guess you could think of it this way: I know that I am loved unconditionally, I didn’t accept that as my reality, so it’s not what I remember. And then it just makes me think of myself now and the way I am with my children.
Whoever made up this culture of “barreling through issues” BULLSHIT was clearly not an addict. My addiction is not going anywhere, and I AM BLESSED WITH ADDICTION FOR ETERNITY . I am not looking for ways to push through. I am the problem...
This doesn’t look pretty every day. The timing of this opportunity to share a piece of myself with the world is impeccable and uncanny. Go figure.
This past year has been incredibly difficult, and I am forever grateful for the immense support system that I was both born into and have built throughout my deepest moments of rock bottom and the highest levels of “Fuck yeah” moments. I never felt quite like I was whole, for no real reason to be honest, just something missing, some unattainable goal that will eat you alive until you do something about it to lessen the pain. Every experience for me is like watching a movie of someone else’s life. A prisoner in my own head, I am serving a life sentence of doubt and insecurity. I don’t recall a whole bunch of my childhood, how I felt, and what I experienced, but now
“I don’t know! For Christ’s sake!” I want to yell at them sometimes. Or, “I don’t know and I will investigate it further.” And other times, “I don’t know and I don’t care!” The narrative in my head is set to “negative.” I wake up in a deficit and I spend the entire day trying to break even. So in an effort to get this done quickly, I learned how to people-please and manipulate outcomes. Alas! The lack of control came at a young age for me when I could not manage my emotions. I was surrounded by some heavy adult issues (mental health crisis in the family, death in the family, taxing work responsibilities) and at some point in my first 6 or 7 years on this earth, I learned that I needed control. And I had absolutely none. So I started to sit on my foot instead of using the bathroom. It was the only thing that I had in a world full of chaos. I found myself hysterical, sitting on the toilet in Children’s Hospital, unearthing all of the pain that my little mind thought I had under control. That storyline plays out over and over again. I was a decent student, sub par soccer player, a shotgun start on anything and everything that I got myself into, until it, too, fizzled into the abyss of missed opportunity and wasted talent. Most of my significant friendships were with men. Platonic, but notable because that was the audience where my manipulation and emotional warfare would carry the most weight with the highest possible return. I was a shadow member of several different groups of friends at a time. I remember that I was always the driver, not because I was sober but because it gave me the power to choose. I knew that I was never going to give up the power to choose. That is, until the power to choose was taken from me.
From the outside looking in, for all intents and purposes, I believed it to be fairly normal. Work hard/play hard. We had rules in our house, we had morals, and we understood the ramifications of our actions. We were to behave with respect because we had respect for ourselves and we carried ourselves with dignity and honesty. We were wise with our wallets and selective with our words. We listened intently, not to answer but to learn. But outside of the walls of what I knew to be right, I was acting out like a caged animal.
I became someone else when I stepped outside of that house. The behaviors came long before the substances. I was wild and could not be tamed. I was drinking and
“I
smoking weed, sexually active, and incredibly arrogant. Or so it appeared. I was dying on the inside; I was miserable and couldn’t connect the dots. I could not find my way out; there was nothing, no answer, no fix, no bottom line, no target. I didn’t know how to operate in a space where there aren’t boundaries and rules and aspirations and goals and deadlines. So my family stepped in, and I began seeing a therapist. I lied to my therapist. Sometimes I told the truth, but more often than not, I was lying. It became second nature to lie, so I used it as a tool. I lied about everything. For no reason at all, most of the time it would be to embellish something to make it seem more appealing or an excuse to get out of a situation or explain away what we cant’ accurately get on board with. But sometimes, it was for no reason at all. This proved to be very challenging to remember all of the lies that I was telling people, constantly trying to cover up one lie with another lie. Then I am stuck with both to remember and it was absolutely exhausting. Just running circles around myself to keep my brain occupied because I was bored. I was thoughtful at times. I would think of a sentimental gift that seemed appropriate for someone close to me and eagerly give it to them. The problem here is that I was seeking a reaction from them, it wasn’t authentic joy for them, it was authentic praise for me. Go me, I’ve done it again. The negative selftalk is what came next because what human can withstand such a rat race of identity crisis without consistent negative self-talk? Later, realizing that I couldn’t lower the bar fast enough to meet the standards of my life when I absolutely needed success like I needed air. This is when I learned to fill the void externally. But I couldn’t accept failure or take accountability for anything, so I fled.
I was or wasn’t going to be okay. I suppose I didn’t keep a relationship much longer, either. I dated my boss from the bar where I worked when I was roughly 19, or 18 maybe? Anyway, after a couple of years of chasing bands across the country, we landed in Baltimore, Maryland. This man was a vicious alcoholic. He was going 100 miles per hour in the wrong direction, and he was taking me as a hostage. We worked together, lived together, together, together, together. Get me? Two years later and several emergency room admissions, a handful of arrests, one three-month stay in prison, and financial and emotional bankruptcy, I asked for help. My mom came and got me in the middle of the night in a minivan. This is the time that I disclosed the abuse to my parents for the very first time in a fit of rage but I don’t remember any moments at all of this happening.
was engaged to be married to a Catholic, suit-and-tie finance guy ... THIS WAS GOING TO COMPLETE THE STORY of my life. But before our first anniversary, I decided I wasn’t prepared to be anybody’s wife. I justified this by telling myself that I was sparing him a life of pain if he stayed with me ... I was surviving on Coors Light and Adderall. I appeared to be having a great time while I admired the hollow look of my collarbone in the mirror and smiled, becoming more and more unstable and volatile. This was around the time I FELL IN LOVE WITH OPIATES .”
I left home when I was 17, just after graduation, which I did not participate in. I could have; my mother and the rest of my family supported me through absolute hell for 12 years to watch me walk across that stage. But I didn’t have the miniscule amount of human decency to give them just that. Instead, I took the $40 bucks for a cap and gown and kept it movin’. I lived with a girl a little older than me who had a toddler. I loved that kid like she was my own, and I took care of her a lot. Imagine thinking that was an appropriate living situation for that kid? I started working in restaurants like any other lost graduate with no goals or aspirations. I lived in many different apartments/houses, typically a toxic romantic relationship situation. I couldn’t keep a job very long because I couldn’t adhere to any type of schedule with the intricacies of my addiction and when
A new start.
I lived in Jamaica Plain with my brother for a few years, giving me the opportunity to re-center and become part of my family again after disappearing for so many years. I felt like I had reached a place where I could finally breathe. I wasn’t quite in the grips of addiction with anything that would spin me so out of control I wouldn’t be able to straighten the wheel if need be. What I didn’t put together at that time was that the reason that I felt as though I could finally breathe was not the rekindling of my relationship with my family. It was not the financial stability of my relationship with my dad.
For Christ sake, it wasn’t even the comfort of knowing that I wasn’t “in trouble” anymore! It was solely because I wasn’t hiding anything anymore, I could breathe because I wasn’t concerned about being “found out.” What a concept. Tell the truth about behaviors that you’re not ashamed of because they were choices that you made, whether intelligent choices or teaching choices, but choices nonetheless. Stand by. This doesn’t happen overnight.
The number of nights that I couldn’t remember who I was with or what I was doing or where I was was increasing rapidly, and I desperately needed to make more money. I was able to get a job at a bar that was opening in the Financial District of Boston, which pivoted my entire life. I end up doing well at this bar and making good money. Within a year I became the manager. I moved into a onebedroom apartment in the North End by myself and I was enjoying life. What I could remember of it.
The money and the parties have a way of making you forget about the hole in your soul that no amount
of any emotion could fill. So instead, we find the next inappropriate major life event to fix us. In 2009 when the market crashed, with the help of my parents, I bought a condo in Dorchester. In the meantime, I was engaged to be married to a Catholic, suit-and-tie finance guy, the oldest of 4 boys. This was going to complete the story of my life. But before our first anniversary, I decided I wasn’t prepared to be anybody’s wife. I justified this by telling myself that I was sparing him a life of pain if he stayed with me. I am now bartending in South Boston, and I am newly single. I am surviving off Coors Light and Adderall. I appeared to be having a great time while I admired the hollow look of my collarbone in the mirror and smiled, becoming more and more unstable and volatile. This was around the time I fell in love with opiates.
My habit was becoming very expensive, and soon all of my time, energy, and finances were spent on drugs. The most dangerous thing about me is the way I managed to fly under the radar with little-to-no consequences and my uncanny ability to keep up appearances.
that moment, I decided to at least put in an honest effort. Unfortunately, honesty wasn’t exactly something I was familiar with. After my first week, hard lines were feeling a little softer, small smiles escaped my lips from time to time and the weight of it all didn’t feel quite as heavy. Because I went to a facility that doesn’t accept insurance, they were able to speak with my family in any way that they felt necessary. I fought hard to preserve my right to privacy, which meant my right to keep my deep dark secrets as such. Turns out that was the best thing to ever happen to me. The staff was relaying to me the nuances of my addiction and what that looked like for my friends and family. They weren’t trying to ruin my life like I had told myself, more so to save it. And save my life they did.
I LIED TO MY THERAPIST.
Sometimes I told the truth. It became second nature to lie, so I used it as a tool. I lied about everything. For no reason at all, most of the time it would be to embellish something to make it seem more appealing or an excuse to get out of a situation. But sometimes, it was for no reason at all. This proved to be very challenging to remember all of the lies that I was telling.
I met “M” when I was working in South Boston. I am almost positive I made a wildly inappropriate comment about our future together, although we’d never spoken. Four years of a Molotov cocktail relationship later, and we are pregnant. We embraced the idea of having a baby girl. I wasn’t well, but it wasn’t showing on the outside. After my daughter was born in 2017, the instability took over, and one Tuesday afternoon, I was involved in a head-on car accident.
“You are going to detox, so figure it out. You have a couple of days to yourself to get ready.” I remember the shame that I felt. It ran so deep I did not think I could survive. But as soon as I allowed the anger to pour out, I was able to move into a tailspin of denial and acceptance. This was not the radical acceptance I would need to make changes in my life, but the kind that would get me help. I felt oddly at home in detox. My daughter was 10 weeks old. It was Halloween, and I wondered what costume she would wear. It was the first but (still) not the last time I would wear guilt on my heart like a coat of armor. What I realize now is that I couldn’t fully understand what was happening or what kind of emotions I was having because I wasn’t of sound mind.
After a week of detox, I was given a couple of options for rehab. It was raining as we drove in almost complete silence for several hours to the base of the White Mountains. As I watched M hand over his credit card, I felt like a puddle with absolutely no sign of a backbone. At
Remember the chapel I told you about earlier? I spent many hours writing my fourth step there. I filled 6 notebooks with tales of what I thought was and what actually was. I was humble enough by the end of my time there to recognize all of the roads that led me there and how I had chosen to take them or how they had chosen to take me. I gained insight into who I was in a way I didn’t think I could. I left the White Mountains for a sober living house in Dorchester. Living in a house with 12 women didn’t pan out to look like the hell on earth that I had envisioned. We built structure and security around each other while navigating uncomfortable waters. We told each other the truth and supported each other when that truth proved to be more difficult than we could have imagined. I worked at CVS inside South Station in Boston. A friend asked if I felt embarrassed crossing paths with people I knew. Imagine being embarrassed by my employment with the condition my life was in at that moment? I lived in that sober house for 3 months. With DCF involved in my life and the eyes of society burning holes in the back of my head, I was determined to get home. A week before I transitioned back home, I found out that I was pregnant during routine urine checks at the sober house. Our relationship had already suffered so much doubt and incredible damage. It was unclear how we were going to move forward together or separate in insanely early sobriety with 2 children under 2 years old. The daunting reality of what was in front of us was unspeakable. After a very ugly few weeks of intense learning, talking, compromising, bending, and twisting, we decided to give our all to provide the best possible life for these kids that we could. We bought a house on the South Shore in Marshfield, and I became a stay-at-home mom. I relished it. I loved it. I was the mom at the beach with grapes cut into quarters and sandwiches with no crust, all the beach gear you could picture. And we were there every day. I
threw myself into recovery and all it had to offer. I went to meetings, I sponsored women, I spoke at commitments, I ran groups, I went on retreats, I prayed, I meditated, I wrote inventory.
“There are no dues for membership, just the desire to stop drinking.” There it was in black and white: I could never understand how all of this was considered “dues.” Let me tell you: Somehow, humility brought me the ability to enjoy these things. These are the reasons I am sober, the reasons I can maintain sobriety, and I enjoy doing them. Then it dawned on me: These are things that I do to show the growth and validity of my word—and show people that my intentions are pure. They see actual results and real change, and people can count on me. If I say I am going to do something, I do it. If I am struggling, I reach out for help. When I am feeling resentment in my life, then I know that something is missing and that I am not keeping pace with what I need for mental stability and peace in my heart.
I am not cured. I am flawed in so many of the most ugly and the most beautiful ways. What’s different now is the awareness. I can recognize when my thoughts and actions are negatively affecting others, and I have the ability to be honest and make changes accordingly. I can move around this earth with my chin up, knowing that I have acknowledged my actions, and I have changed them, and in turn, I have changed the results of those actions. I still have ADHD, still get angry, still get sad, and I still get lazy, but my ADHD looks slightly more organized, my anger looks far less scary, my sadness looks a lot less suicidal, and my laziness looks a little more productive. I have accountability, and I lessen the expectations of others. I am an addict to the core. Everything is measured in quantity; more is better. For Christ’s sake, I even abuse my laundry with 2 pods instead of one because more is better!
did it for, and I loved the life that I had created for myself. I had something that was mine that I worked really hard for and had something to show for it. I rose to the top of my company and became the Executive Director within 2.5 years. The experience allowed me to see the business from every lens. I doubled what was asked of me and often impressed myself with what I was capable of. I am so grateful to have gotten in on the ground floor of a company that grew so quickly and been given the opportunity to experience this field in so many ways. I worked alongside the owners to open new businesses and explore what I was capable of.
I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN, I will survive, I can handle the emotional toll and the consequences that come with it, I told myself. What I cannot handle is the toll that it also took on my kids.
M and I split up, and I moved into an apartment with the kids. We couldn’t get along for more than 5 seconds by that time, and it made the first year incredibly difficult. I made many, many mistakes, I made rash decisions, I settled on inadequacies, and leveled with myself about my inability to read between the lines. While building an incredible career and feeling like I continue to fall short in other areas, I grasped tightly to a relationship with a co-worker who moved entirely too fast. Fast forward, and we’re engaged, I bought a house in Marshfield, and we began to renovate. M and I were getting along better than ever and our coparenting was on point. Everything pointed up. Well, to the untrained eye.
What I couldn’t see was the writing on the wall. Remember when I told you how that could happen? I was people-pleasing, overcompensating, ignoring, looking past, denying, and unwilling to see, and it ultimately drove me to a nervous breakdown—he was cheating on me. I was shattered. The weight of the situation took me to a low I had never experienced in sobriety. I was essentially surviving for the kids and my job.
Today, I get sick (about money, men, exercising—you name it) if I am not diligent about caring for myself and giving back to others. I need to continue to get out of my own way. “Work on others, and you’ll work on you,” is what a friend used to tell me all the time. In 2020, during the height of COVID-19, my relationship was declining again. I decided to return to work when offered a position in admissions at a newly opened addiction treatment center. Hesitant, nervous, insecure, and also really excited, I put my kids in full-time daycare and signed an offer letter for $50K a year as an admissions counselor, while paying nearly 40k in daycare costs. It sounds insane, but I wanted to allow myself to want something for personal growth instead of personal gain for a change.
Again, as history would show, I became addicted to work, sometimes in healthy ways and sometimes in not-sohealthy ways. I absolutely loved what I did, I loved who I
I am a grown-ass woman, I will survive, I can handle the emotional toll and the consequences that come with it, I told myself. What I cannot handle is the toll that it also took on my kids. They are now 6 and 7 years old and they are wonderful. They suffered tremendously after losing an important person in their life whom they loved spending time with. They lost someone they felt they could trust and who protected them when they were too young to understand what was happening around them. I will struggle with how this affected them forever.
I know how to put myself first these days. It allows me to maintain some level of normalcy and peace. Today, my priorities are lined up in a different order. This past year has taught me more pricey lessons, but I am on the other side of it with authentic relationships and I couldn’t feel more blessed (and my newest lesson is in selfemployment!)
Breathe and remain humble and kind.
The Power of the PIVOT
JACY DAWN VALERAS
acy Dawn says she remembers the date like it was yesterday: December 9, 1999. She was 15 years old and on her way to sing the National Anthem. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied Crystal Gayle’s tour bus parked behind the Lowell Memorial Auditorium. She convinced her mother to stop, got out, knocked on the tour bus door, and asked if she could meet her idol. The tour manager invited her back after the show, and just before she left, Jacy reached into her purse and handed him her demo tape. Later that night, the teenager stood in the wings with Crystal Gayle, who posed for a picture and signed her autograph. About 5 years later, Jacy Dawn would stand in the same spot after her own sold-out show, greeting fans, posing for pictures, and signing autographs.
Some people call this a full-circle moment, but as you’ll soon find out, Jacy Dawn Valeras has had a lot of those. I met her six years ago, and her rise in the entertainment business is a tutorial in perseverance and the art of the pivot.
It’s hard to describe this media superstar, but looking back at her career trajectory will shed some light on what it took for a girl from Chelmsford, Massachusetts, to make it in Nashville, Tennessee.
Jacy was 5 years old when she became fascinated by Nickelodeon’s “The Elephant Show” starring Canadian singing trio Sharon, Lois & Bram. Her hazel eyes landed on the singer in the middle and Lois Lilienstein became her first role model. She begged her parents to take her to their concerts and memorized their songs, envisioning herself singing on stage someday. Always shy and introverted, the ability to sing became Jacy’s greatest source of confidence.
She started making money as a singer at only 13, performing at weddings, town events, and political rallies. A student at Chelmsford High School, she wore black dresses to school, not because goth was in style, but because she was being excused to sing at someone’s funeral.
Jacy’s vocal coach hand-picked her to be a part of the vocal group Angels Among Us. The four teenage girls performed at high-profile events and venues, including Madison Square Garden. This experience taught Jacy about marketing, branding, promotions, developing a fan base, and what it takes to bring the “wow factor” to an ensemble
JACY REACHED FOR THE HIGH NOTE AND HER VOICE STOPPED. “IT WAS AS IF SOMEONE HAD TAKEN A KNIFE TO MY THROAT,” SAYS JACY. IT WAS THE WORST PAIN. I TRIED TO SPEAK, BUT NOTHING CAME OUT. THAT MOMENT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF MY SINGING CAREER. MY VOICE NEVER FULLY CAME BACK.”
performance. When the group was offered a record deal as a Christian group, they declined. For Jacy, there were no regrets. At 18, it was time for her to step out as a solo country artist.
Billed as “Jacy Dawn,” the singer gave herself a crash course in building a career in country music by reading books and articles on the entertainment industry and liner notes on the backs of CDs. She taught herself graphic design to create her own album art and publicity posters for concerts. Jacy binge-watched episodes of VH-1’s “Behind the Music” to hear the stories of her musical heroes and manifested her goals on vision boards.
Says Jacy, “I have always cut out
pictures of things that I want to have happen in my career and, believe it or not, 75% of the artists I wanted to meet as a young singer, I have pictures of myself with today.”
The work Jacy Dawn put into her solo career fed her success like rocket fuel. She checked “yes” to every opportunity, whether it was paid or not. Backed by drums, bass, two guitarists, keyboards and a backup singer, Jacy Dawn developed a solid reputation and opened for countless A-listers including Willie Nelson, Reba McIntyre, Martina McBride, LeAnn Rimes, Tanya Tucker, and Darius Rucker. Standing on the stage at Jellystone Park in New Hampshire, singing the Righteous Brothers classic “Unchained Melody,” Jacy reached for the high note and her voice stopped. “It was as if someone had taken a knife to my throat,” says Jacy. It was the worst pain. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. That moment was the beginning of the end of my singing career. My voice never fully came back.“
For the next couple of years, Jacy looked for answers from the best doctors and did everything she could to build back her voice, but her vocal range and power were never the same. Feeling lost, Jacy started writing in her journal and those words became songs. Before she knew it, Jacy had written hundreds of songs, unleashing a new way to connect herself to the music she loved. There’s only one place for a country music songwriter and that place is Nashville, so Jacy decided it was time to make the move. At her side was her gifted guitarist and future husband, Mike Valeras, who became her anchor, sharing her dream of finding success in Music City.
And so, on a warm, sunny morning in June of 2009, Jacy and Mike pulled out
Photos courtesy of Jacy Dawn Valeras
of his parent’s driveway in a U-Haul truck bound for Nashville. Folded up in the palm of her hand was an old dollar bill her father gave her when he kissed her goodbye. He said, “If you keep this dollar bill and never spend it, you’ll never be broke.”
Nashville, Tennessee, is a friendly city, but it takes a while to be accepted into the tight-knit entertainment community there. Undeterred, Jacy continued writing songs, learned how to play the guitar, and worked for a record label. She networked and forged friendships with country music legends that last to this day, including TG Sheppard and his wife, Kelly Lang, Ricky Skaggs, Pam Tillis, Lorrie Morgan, Crystal Gayle, and the late Naomi Judd and her husband, Larry Stickland, just to name a few. With 30 songs placed on multiple country albums, Jacy offers this advice to budding songwriters:
“Find where your weakness is and fill that hole. Don’t enter a Nashville writer’s room without a notebook filled with hooks, phrases, verses, and melodies. Understand the rich history of the city, especially the role of the Grand Ole Opry and never forget to show respect for the heroes and legends of country music.”
Of course, “everybody plays and everybody sings” in Nashville, but Jacy figured out what many artists need and do not have: media marketing support. Always
looking for new ways to connect herself to country music, Jacy founded Platinum Circle Media and has a long list of artists who rely on her for web development, social media strategy, and graphic design. Platinumcirclemedia.com.
In 2019, Jacy sent me an email, saying she had listened to me on Magic 106.7 when she was growing up and wondered if we might meet in person the next time she was in Boston. On the day we met, I knew I was in the presence of someone whose true power came from doing what she loves the best way she knows how. I featured her on my series, “The Story Behind Her Success,” and as our friendship bloomed, we hatched an idea to launch our Nashville-based podcast “Country Music Success Stories.” Timing is everything, and although the pandemic shut down the world for a while, we persevered through three seasons and 46 episodes, winning international awards for our unique content. What made the show memorable was where we did our interviews. Jacy and I sat down for long-form interviews in the living rooms, back porches, and at the kitchen tables of country music superstars, giving them an extra layer of comfort which resulted in a heightened sense of trust and unforgettable interviews. What I noticed about Jacy was her ability to create a connection with the artist, rooted in a
“LOSING MY VOICE WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, BUT IT WAS ALSO A GIFT BECAUSE IT TAUGHT ME TO ADJUST AND PIVOT. GETTING TO TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT THE THING THAT I’VE LOVED SINCE I WAS A KID? THAT’S A CHILDHOOD DREAM COME TRUE.”
“FIND WHERE YOUR WEAKNESS IS AND FILL THAT HOLE. DON’T ENTER A NASHVILLE WRITER’S ROOM WITHOUT A NOTEBOOK FILLED WITH HOOKS, PHRASES, VERSES, AND MELODIES.”
mutual love for the music. Her reputation as an interviewer in Nashville quickly grew and she was hired as the host of “CountryLine TV,” doing short-form oncamera interviews. Perhaps Jacy’s secret ingredient is that she understands the heart of an artist, because, deep down inside, she will always be one. Says Jacy, “Anybody can sit down and ask someone questions, but if my history and my background in entertainment give me an edge, I’m grateful for it.”
Jacy is now at the helm of Nashville Entertainment TV. Launched in the summer of 2024 on Canyon Star TV, the 30-minute, magazine-style show includes long form interviews with a wide variety of entertainers, including Lucie Arnaz and, most recently, Ringo Starr. Buoyed by her popular podcast, “FAMOUS,” and her new podcast, “Becoming FAMOUS,” Jacy keeps opening new chapters in a life story that’s so interesting you just can’t put it down.
Reflecting on her career journey, Jacy told me, “Losing my voice was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it was also a gift because it taught me to adjust and pivot. Getting to talk to people about the thing that I’ve loved since I was a kid? That’s a childhood dream come true.” Does manifesting your success work? I think you’ll agree, Jacy’s story is pretty
compelling. Remember how she loved “The Elephant Show” as a child and idolized Lois Lilienstein in the group, Sharon, Lois & Bram? Well, hanging in Jacy’s office is Lois’ gold record, and in her living room is Lois’ piano, both are gifts from the late singer’s grateful family. Why? Because Jacy is Sharon, Lois & Bram’s creative director and the co-producer of their latest albums. She has a saved voicemail from Naomi Judd reminding her that “she’s unique and special” and a note from Crystal Gayle that reads:
I remember the young girl I met in Lowell, Massachusetts, and I am very proud of the beautiful woman she has become.
And that dollar bill Jacy’s father gave her as the U-Haul pulled out of the driveway, bound for Nashville? It is safely tucked away in a memory box. Trust me, she’ll never spend it.
There are so many life lessons here. Finding new ways to accomplish our goals often requires reinvention, because things don’t always turn out as we had planned. Jacy’s advice?
“Remember why you started. Remember what you loved as a child. Visualize your success and keep that spark alive inside of you.”
That’s where your power is.
Opposite page: Jacy with Lainey Wilson; With Ringo Starr. Above: With Candy O’Terry; singing on stage at age 14.
Sam Correia
Queer History in Film
I’m writing this on Oscars Weekend. Though I have seen some of the Oscar movies—I enjoyed “Conclave,” “The Substance,” and “Wicked”—in general, I know nothing about film, and there are lots of popular films I’ve never seen. “The Godfather.” Nope. “Die Hard.” Uh-uh. “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Shawshank Redemption,” “Terminator,” “Scarface.” Nope, never, not even once, sorry.
I’m not here to tell you my mediocre movie takes. So I spoke with a person who knows movies. Atlanta-based film critic Jordan Costa has worked on films like “Don’t Look Up” with Leonardo DiCaprio and “The Holdovers” with Paul Giamatti. Jordan and I spoke specifically about queer film history.
SC: Talk to me about queer film history. Are there any moments from queer movie history that particularly interest you?
JC: Film history is fascinating because it feels like it’s been around forever, but really has been around for about 130 years. There’s been so many changes to how queer people are presented in film that directly correlate with society’s feelings towards them. The important thing to remember is that queer people have always been present throughout the history of cinema.
Queer characters can be found in film as early as 1895, but from that time period to the 1960s, queer characters were considered something that went against “modest” content. This was reinforced when the Hays Code was put into place in the 1930s, which was a set of strict rules about what could and could not be shown in films. Queer characters could not have happy endings and could only be portrayed in three ways: queer-coded, as a villain, or as a corpse.
Queer-coding is when a character
would stereotypically be shown as gay, but it would never be explicitly said. For example, in the 1946 film “Gilda,” where the husband of the titular Gilda is shown to be flirtatious with the male main character. Then you have the 1959 film, “Some Like It Hot,” which tells the story of two men who pretend to be women to evade the law. When their true genders are revealed, one of the “women’s” suitors shows no aversion to still having a relationship with the man. Both of these films followed the Hays Code, and were able to imply that these characters were queer. “Some Like It Hot” is credited with being one of the reasons the Hays Code was finally retired.
Fast forward to the 1990s, with the devastating AIDS epidemic having wiped out so much of the queer community, the general perception towards the queer community began to change in the media. We got films like “Paris is Burning” (1990), “The Birdcage” (1996), “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” (1994), and “But I’m a Cheerleader” (1999). The characters in these films do face homophobia and they were part of a new era of showing queer characters having happy lives with people being generally accepting and sympathetic towards them.
The past 25 years have been fascinating for queer cinema. After an uptick of positive queer films in the ‘90s, the casual homophobia of the early 2000s seemed set on pushing progress to the sidelines. Gay characters were ostracized, they were the butt of the joke, or in the case of 2013’s “Blue Is The Warmest Colour,” seemed to exist for purely pornographic purposes.
But while queer cinema is far from being perfect, I feel confident that it is the best it’s ever been right now. While films such as “Love, Simon” (2018) and “Happiest Season” (2020) show the struggle queer people face with coming out, they also show that their endings do not have to be tragic. There’s an increase in films like “Booksmart” (2019) and “Bottoms” (2023) which treat queerness as the norm, meaning that a character’s
queerness is not the central focus of the story. This is a positive change and something that I see shaping the next decade and beyond of films.
Something that intrigues me is how relatively new it is that queer films and actors have been included in the Academy Awards. Sure, queer films have been included before, and there have always been queer actors, but most were not out at the time of their nomination due to society’s homophobia and how it would have damaged their career. It wasn’t until 2005’s “Brokeback Mountain” received 8 nominations and 3 wins that we started to see queer films included in the Oscars. A mere 20 years later, we are seeing more queer films and actors nominated. 2024 saw the nomination of Colman Domingo for his role in “Rustin,” and this is notable because he was only the second openly gay man in the awards show’s 96 year history to be nominated for Best Actor. Two in 96 years, and the most recent nomination being in 2024 is so wild to me.
SC: What do film archives look like and what are your thoughts on the future of preserving film?
Film preservation is something that I’m extremely passionate about, but it also terrifies me. Something that regularly breaks my heart is that so much of Hollywood’s early era and Golden Age films are lost forever. Film wasn’t always as sacred as it is today, and in the early days studios were turning out so many films that they were quick to dispose of iconic Hollywood sets and costumes simply because they didn’t have the storage for them. Thankfully today, that’s not the case.
There are countless ways films are restored and preserved today through places like the Academy Film Archive and the Motion Picture, Broadcasting and Sound Division of the Library of Congress. My favorite is the Criterion Collection, which every month adds films to its collection to restore as the
Jordan Costa’s Top 10 Queer films of all time (in no particular order): I Saw The TV Glow (Jane Schoenbrun, 2024); National Anthem (Luke Gilford, 2023); Tangerine (Sean Baker, 2015); Una Mujer Fantástica (Sebastián Lelio, 2017); Matthias & Maxime (Xavier Dolan, 2019); Please Baby Please (Amanda Kramer, 2022); Passages (Ira Sachs, 2023); All Of Us Strangers (Andrew Haigh, 2023); Portrait De La Jeune Fille En Feu (Céline Sciamma, 2019); Hedwig and the Angry Inch (John Cameron Mitchell, 2001).
filmmakers intended and put them on DVD.
I should note that I am very antistreaming. I can see the appeal of companies like Netflix and Hulu, and I think in some cases, it’s good to have easy options to watch films at home. However, the impact streaming services have had on movie theaters has been painful to watch. I’m a huge advocate for supporting local independent theaters, and it’s sad to see them decline because people would rather watch movies at home. I also think streaming ruins the viewing experience; People are more likely to simply not pay attention to a film when they’re at home.
In terms of streaming services and film preservation, I think we should all be worried about the very real possibility of losing certain films forever. For example, Martin Scorsese’s 2023 film “Killers of the Flower Moon,” which stars queer Native American actor Lily Gladstone, was produced by Apple Studios, had a limited theatrical run, and then was streaming on AppleTV+, but it did not receive a DVD release in the United States. If Apple decides to one day pull it from streaming, though unlikely, it risks becoming another piece of lost media.
I do think we are in a better position when it comes to preserving films than we were 50 years ago, but it still is something that makes me nervous.
SC: How does film stand up to other mediums to tell queer stories?
I’m biased in saying this because film is truly my great love in this life, but to me, film just seems to have more freedom and is more effective in connecting audiences with their stories. A huge factor of this is simply because film is a medium that requires you to look at it to understand.
The beautiful thing about films to me is that for two hours—ideally while sitting in a dark movie theater—you can live in a world so different from the one you know. I know, it sounds corny, but it’s true!! And the beautiful thing about society constantly changing and being more
accepting of queer people is that audience members young and old are able to go to these theaters and watch someone that is just like them on screen.
20 years ago, options for queer characters were limited and, let’s be honest, were played by straight people most of the time. Now, we have authentically queer actors playing queer characters, and that is a huge deal. I referenced Lily Gladstone earlier, and to use her as an example again, in Kelly Reichardt’s 2016 film “Certain Women,” we see her play a queer cowboy pining over—who else—a teacher played by Kristen Stewart. Queer Native American women are able to look at Gladstone and see themselves. That is a huge deal, and while not exclusive to film, I personally think we see these kinds of connections being made more often in films than anywhere else.
SC: You kind of addressed this already, but what are your thoughts on “queer subtext” in movies?
Thankfully, times have changed since the Hays Code, and queer subtext looks a whole lot different. While I do think it’s important to have defined queer characters in media, I don’t find all queer subtext to be necessarily bad. One good example of this would be the 1994 film “Interview With The Vampire.” I went into this film completely blind, and I was literally blown away by how queer-coded it was. They never explicitly say that the two vampires Lestat (played by Tom Cruise) and Louis (played by Brad Pitt) are gay, but their co-dependent and extremely intense, passionate dynamic, not to mention the fact that they literally raise a child together, hints at a deeper meaning behind their relationship.
I think the real harm is to be found in queerbaiting in the media. Unfortunately, I think Disney is guilty of “queerbaiting” by announcing that characters will be queer without actually following through or providing any real queer representation in their films. I’d much rather have
queer subtext in a film than filmmakers saying characters are queer just to gain viewers without actually providing queer characters.
SC: Queer film releases you’re looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to Daniel Minahan’s film “On Swift Horses” coming out this April, and also “The History of Sound” directed by Oliver Hermanus. I’ll also say I’m anticipating finally seeing Luca Guadagnino’s 2024 film “Queer.” It’s been out for a hot minute but it’s unfortunately impossible to find anywhere to view. Like I said earlier, instances like this are what scares me about film preservation!
You can check out Jordan’s film reviews on Instagram @whatsjordanwatching and on Letterboxd @jordanscosta
Trauma. If you let it, it will break you.
Marie Romilus
Reclaiming my voice: Using fuel from anger positively
Throughout my life, from age 3 to most recently, trauma and me often meet up. I was three years old the first time I was sexually assaulted by a man my family trusted. I suffered in silence. I remained suffering in silence when it happened two more times throughout my life.
But facing racial discrimination was a trauma I didn’t realize would come close to breaking me. It’s one thing to be bullied in school for being a different culture or smelling like my culture’s food (my culture has important relationship to food). But when I am hated for the color of my skin—something I can’t control—I feel a deep loneliness. One that is indescribable. When it happens more than once it feels that your race is the reason when others treat you poorly, because what else could it be?
Two years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed bleeding for hours, screaming for help. These thoughts came through my head; Am I being ignored because I am Black?
I have been broken for two years because of that day. That morning, I began experiencing cramping. I was 20 weeks pregnant and just celebrated my gender reveal the week before and found out we were having a girl. We already picked her name. We wanted our daughter just like we wanted our son. We were happy.
After having my first child, my son, I got on birth control, giving me time to heal and work on my mental health. I ate healthy, lost more than 50 pounds, and was finally mentally and physically fit. I felt amazing. So we decided to try again. I got off birth control, everything worked out well.
Until January 9, 2023. I picked my son up from school that day, and by the time I got home the pain was excruciating, I called my fiancé
and he rushed home and called 911. The ambulance took me to the closest hospital. The EMT was great, when they brought me in and told the nurse I was pregnant and experiencing cramping, but no bleeding. That was at 5:45 p.m. I was placed in the hallway of the emergency department and given medication for my pain. Still no bleeding. My cramps didn’t go away with the medication, but the pressure began to build. I could feel myself beginning to bleed. I screamed out to my nurse who was on the phone. She responded by raising her pointer finger in a gesture to wait, shush, stop. Because she was on the phone.
At 6:35 p.m. I told her I was actively miscarrying. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “We are waiting for ultrasound.” As I pushed my daughter out of me on the gurney, I called my mom and my fiancé— who was in the waiting room unable to come to me because a gun shot victim was just brought in and they weren’t allowing visitors. In sobs, I tell him I can feel our daughter’s hands.
I adjusted her premature body to lay on my thigh, inside my sweatpants. At 7:20 p.m. I felt I was in and out of my body. A medical staffperson walks by and notices blood on the floor and dripping from my gurney, he asked, “Who’s patient is she because she is bleeding a lot.” I weakly point over to my nurse, who had her bag on her shoulder and was about to head out the door. Shift change.
My new nurse walks to me and responds, “She’s mine now” and slides some padding underneath me and mops up the blood on the ground.
The ground was cleaned up better than I was.
The floor was worth more than me.
The man screaming for ginger-ale across from me and got it in 2 minutes, was worth more than me.
All of my providers are white, all of them. The patients in my line of sight are white. As I looked around I started to
panic even more, are they going to let me die?
“You can’t die today Marie.” I was afraid to sleep. I couldn’t trust anyone around me.
10:00 p.m. I am finally brought to Ultrasound. I told them I already miscarried and it was as if they didn’t believe me. 10:30 p.m., I’m laying in a room alone, my daughter still in my sweatpants, I’m bleeding nonstop, shivering, screaming for help. I wasn’t even given a call button. After screaming several times my nurse came in and said, “You don’t have to yell, you can use the call button.” When I informed him that the call button was on the other side of the room and I was in a lot of pain he then handed it to me. I asked if I would be changed? He replied, “Oh. I thought you didn’t want to be changed.” I asked him why would I not want to be changed when I have blood all over me? He left the room to get another nurse.
11:30 p.m. I pushed the call button several times and the nurse came back with “Sorry, Hun, it’s madness here today.”
I adjusted her premature body to lay on my thigh, inside my sweatpants. At 7:20 p.m. I felt I was in and out of my body. A medical staffperson walks by and notices blood on the floor and dripping from my gurney, he asked, “Who’s patient is she because she is bleeding a lot.” I weakly point over to my nurse, who had her bag on her shoulder and was about to head out the door. Shift change.
She then saw the the blood on my pants and as she began to undress me she noticed my daughter laying on my lap. She held my hand.
“I am so sorry, we are going to get you up to labor and delivery.” That was at 11:55 p.m.
The day after leaving the hospital I was given iron medication. I still lost consciousness twice in my home. My fiancé and I, too fearful to go to the same hospital, drove to a hospital 50 miles away. They saved my life. They immediately saw my skin color changing and how weak I was and made me a priority.
My medical team consisted of women and men of all different ethnicities. I felt so safe, I felt so seen. Having a more diverse medical team gave me a feeling of trust. They didn’t have to be Black. But it was refreshing to see faces of all different colors in front of me.
When they learned of the events the day before, their faces showed me empathy, sadness, and frustration. They told me if I hadn’t come to them that day, I would’ve been in danger of dying. My organs were shutting down, I needed 3 blood transfusions and a stay in the hospital. For two days, I was unable to walk.
How did I go from being fit mentally and physically 6 months before to being unable to walk and almost dying?
While at the hospital, I wrote a social media post that reached a lot of women who expressed experiencing similar things. I became more aware of women’s voices being dismissed.
I have a reason to be outraged. I have a reason for justice. Holding a hospital responsible legally was out of the question, I was told. I see no justice for me. What I see, yet again, is how the justice system is set up to protect the wrong person.
Throughout my life, I have learned that I can let my trauma break me, or I
can fight back.
I became an advocate against sexual assault, I speak to youth about domestic violence in teen relationships, I volunteer, and I speak about what I have experienced to the community.
Losing my daughter and almost losing my life had me in stages of grief and trauma I only read about and studied, but never experienced.
Sadness. Anger. Anger. ANGER!!!! Depression. Anger. I knew I needed to use it for something positive. I can’t let the anger win. Because then the hospital wins.
It made me angry to see that this doesn’t just happen to me. Why does this keep happening?
Women are dying because we are being ignored. I almost died. Read that again. I almost died.
Today, the healing is beginning. I am choosing to let the anger go and focus the energy on advocating for others. Justice doesn’t always come from legal action. Justice also comes from speaking up and letting the world know!
There is power in our voice.
Although this hospital has now changed administration and is no longer run by the same medical team, the ghosts are still there.
Six months after that night, I receive a letter from the hospital, letting me know that my complaints have been heard and procedure has been changed. Now, when a woman comes in expressing cramping and is pregnant the procedure will be to bring them up to Labor and Delivery. Not more waiting 6 hours while bleeding out in a hallway.
My voice made an impact somewhat, and it’s making an impact now as I write this story.
Rest in Peace Analeigh my sweet angel. You are forever loved.
Did you know:
A study from Haverford College shows “the history of mistreatment and discrimination against Black individuals in medical settings has led to DEEPROOTED MISTRUST. Seeing a healthcare provider who shares their racial background can help build trust and create a sense of comfort and familiarity, encouraging open communication and active participation in decisionmaking.”
One in five women say they have felt that “a health care provider has IGNORED OR DISMISSED their symptoms.”
In the United States, Black women are 43% MORE LIKELY than white women to have a miscarriage.
A Black mother is more likely than a white mother to lose her baby after 20 weeks, to experience a stillbirth, or to lose her life.
Jaya Pandey The Power in Vulnerability
A conversation on TV between Trevor Noah and Simon Sinek about friendship was particularly intriguing to me. They spoke about the power of vulnerability in relationships and the importance of investing time and energy to build meaningful connections. While they didn’t cover any groundbreaking ideas, their casual yet thought-provoking discussion left a lasting impression. Friends are often described as the family we choose, but how often do we truly give them the same importance? Simon was spot on when he said that we make time for work, hobbies, and social obligations, but do we make enough time for our friends?
The segment also explored the idea that being a true friend isn’t about shielding them from your struggles. It’s about allowing them to be an active participant in your life.
During my school and college years, I had two best friends—one in California and the other in Bangalore, India. We all had many classmates and friends growing up in our town, attending the same schools through college. However, after college and marriage, some of us moved away and became consumed with life, losing touch with classmates. Years later, WhatsApp reconnected many of us, but the “friendship,” whatever little we had, faded as we no longer had much in common beyond our shared past. It felt like we had outgrown those relationships.
I’m lucky to have stayed in touch with these two friends and their families back home. I won’t lie—it took effort. I was often the one making the first call or organizing visits, but they always reciprocated in every way they could. I don’t wait for them to call me; I reach out when I miss them or when they cross my mind. These two women were a part of my early “village.” We had different personalities, came from
different backgrounds, and had different aspirations, but we valued and appreciated each other. We never tried to change one another, always focusing on the positive aspects of our friendship. With old friendships, time and distance don’t seem to matter much—you just pick up right where you left off.
Though we lead different lives now, think differently, and live far apart, we can talk about anything and everything without fear of judgment. We share our fears, ask for advice, vent when we need to, and support each other through all of life’s ups and downs.
My friend from California visited me last fall. Though we had met many times before, this time, she came with no agenda—no plans, no kids, no husband. We didn’t have anything planned—it was just a weekend of hanging out. I decided to show her Boston my way. For two days, we walked for miles, talked about everything under the sun, and reflected on our lives. At one point, she said, “High school and college friends are different— they get you, they understand you, and there’s no pretense.” I didn’t fully agree with her, and I reminded her how lucky we were to have this with each other. Not everyone gets that kind of connection with their old friends. Though we have always been different people, we’ve always admired and respected each other for who we are. I pointed out that so many of our school friends don’t meet each other this often.
By the way, while I was nurturing my “village,” another meaningful friendship was quietly blossoming. Little did I know that this friendship would eventually lead to marriage 11 years later, enriching my and my sister’s lives in unexpected ways and adding a whole new dimension to my “village.”
I have a circle of friends, each connecting with me in unique and meaningful ways. Some share my love for music and poetry, while others bond with
me over our shared passion for sarees. Some are activists, while many have children with special needs. Some of them live nearby, while others are scattered across the globe. All of them hold a special place in my heart—nothing more, nothing less.
While my sisters are my unwavering support system, there are certain things only these friends can truly understand. The ones I’m connected with through poetry, literature, and ghazals hold a particularly exceptional significance in my life. With them, I can lose myself in the rhythm of words and music, forgetting all my worries. Those conversations and moments together help me find the strength to navigate life’s complexities. My love for sarees has also introduced me to incredible women who have become an essential part of my life. They challenge me, inspire me, and help me grow into a better version of myself. These saree meets—filled with fun and laughter among like-minded women—are the highlight of my social life. They are the reason I look forward to dressing up and embracing the joy of the moment.
One of my oldest friendships, spanning a quarter-century, includes three close friends here in Boston. We’ve raised our children together and have always been each other’s support system. We might not go on vacations together, and we only started going out to dinner in recent years, but all four of us are each other’s emergency contacts. We didn’t go barhopping, but we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, share meals at one another’s homes, meet each other’s families—even those in India—and spend countless hours chatting and laughing. We know the ins and outs of each other’s households and are there for one another through thick and thin. When I received the call about my mom being in the hospital, they were the first to know. It’s this understanding and unconditional support that has kept our bond strong. There are too many
memories to count—whether laughing over homemade meals, comforting each other during tough times, or celebrating life’s simple joys together.
I feel these friendships lift a significant burden from my husband. He doesn’t have to be everything for me. Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist, often discusses how in today’s society, we place all our emotional, social, and practical needs on a single partner. This can be overwhelming. She compares this to past times when communities or “villages” offered support in various ways—something we now expect from just one person.
The Desi Moms Network (a “village” I’ve built for Indian mothers of children with special needs in the Boston area) redefines what friendship means.
When I first started this group, purely based on friendship, it felt strange to some of the mothers. They were meeting and not talking about their kids, but about themselves. It was hard for them to step out of that “motherhood shell” and just be themselves. But slowly, they began to understand the value of building a friendship first, which later helped them support each other on a different level.
These mothers are there for each
other in ways even their families cannot be. There are countless stories, but one in particular will stay with me for a long time. A new member of the group introduced herself, feeling defeated and overwhelmed by depression and seeking help. Within minutes, she was surrounded by women offering their unconditional support, from texts and calls to invites to meet in person.
The moms in this group have a unique understanding of friendship. They see each other as lifelong sisters on this challenging journey. For them, friendship is not just a bond, it’s a sisterhood, a family, and a sense of belonging.
One mother shared that the most meaningful aspect of this bond is being able to be her true, unfiltered self. She doesn’t have to pretend, put on a brave face, or force a smile. She can be raw and honest about her fears, worries, and pain. This kind of connection—where you are fully seen and accepted without judgment—is something we all wish for in friendships, but rarely find. It’s a cocoon of safety and support.
Another mom shared that, within this group, she doesn’t have to pretend everything is okay or
that her world isn’t falling apart. These friends understand the unspoken struggles in each other’s homes and accept every child for who they are.
One more mom said that these ladies will always have her back. They’ll tell her like it is, and sometimes even give her a nudge to meet deadlines and get things done.
Friendships can be conditional in our lives—some are long-lasting, while others are temporary. But what makes them stick for you? What does friendship mean to you? You’re not the same person you were in high school or college. Do your friends appreciate who you are now? Do they celebrate your successes with you? Are they there for you during tough times? Do they care for you? Do they help make you a better person?
True friendship is not just about shared memories or convenience. It’s about vulnerability, unconditional support, and evolving together. The relationships we cultivate can define us, challenge us, and lift us higher. It’s this kind of friendship that truly lasts.
While my sisters are my unwavering support system, there are certain things only these friends can truly understand. The ones I’m connected with through poetry, literature, and ghazals hold a particularly exceptional significance in my life. With them, I can lose myself in the rhythm of words and music, forgetting all my worries.
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public benefits. You had different ideas about gender dysphoria. You were convinced there is only one truth about vaccines. You changed which side of the aisle to be on. You changed your mind. Good for you. Didn’t it feel empowering to know that there’s no shame in it?
I change my mind sometimes simply because, well, that’s what I want to do. A new style, parenting rules, relationship choices, music preferences, career, residence. I am not obligated to remain stagnant in any part of my identity. Singer/songwriter Billie Eilish shared in an interview that she received a lot of hate following a Vogue cover that was relatively revealing of her body. She said she was called a “sell out” because she shed her then-signature baggy and oversized clothes for a sexier, more grown up look. Her response? She changed her mind. She has the right.
Simple, innit?
Jin In, one of our featured Storytellers, knows the power of a changed mind. She has been in the room with power for a long time. The United Nations. U.S. Congress. Presidents. Kings. She told them to change their minds about how they do power. Empowered people can end poverty, gun violence, and climate change, she says. She’s got the data. It’s not easy to get a leader to say “I changed my mind about this.”
Storyteller Courtney Flood is an example of how a mind changed is a mind ready to change the world. Her story proves that lying to ourselves is a power matched only by being honest with ourselves. Ask an addict. Courtney’s story will change you.
Marie Romilus changed her mind about telling us what happened to her two years ago in an emergency room. If you aren’t convinced about inequity in emergency medical practices, especially for women of color, please read her story. You’ll change your mind and be glad that you now know something that 10 years ago you wouldn’t believe is still happening.
Here’s how I hope you will do power differently after reading this issue: I hope you will help take the stigma from saying out loud, “I changed my mind!” Make that mindful mind changing.
Change, change, change. It’s not scary if we don’t let it have power over us.
To send a note to the Editor or share your thoughts on power and empowerment, email Bridget at bridget@pinkchairstorytellers.com. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @pinkchairstorytellers
“I strive to capture authentic moments of connection and love, creating timeless art for your home that tells your unique story.” -Meri Hannon
BOOKS
Whatcha Readin’?
Exploring the Concept of POWER in Fiction + Non Fiction By
Janet Bibeau + Joanne Bibeau
We gave much thought to what books to read and review for this premier “Power” issue. While our inventory is presently 65/35 children/grown-up, Storybook Cove began as a children’s bookstore. We felt it important to suggest books for both grown up and teen readers. Here, we review two versions of the same book by the same author, or offer books of similar topic by different authors.
While Michelle Obama may have been the First Lady, her life, her works, her words are so much more than that role. She and Barack amplify each other’s gifts; they are not the source of each other’s power and strength. We are featuring her book for adults and for young readers.
Octavia E. Butler (1947 - 2006) was an amazing Black woman author, who wrote literary speculative fiction for adults, much of it science fiction, and some of it is eerily premonitory. She wrote at a time when predominantly white men were writing science fiction. Octavia’s novels often include powerful Black women and explore themes of Black injustice, global warming, women’s rights, and political disparity, all which were unheard of in most of the speculative fiction at that time.
Tracy Deonn, a Black woman author of the “Legendborn Cycle” fantasy novels for teens. Her contribution to this genre as inspired by Octavia Butler is creative and empowering of Black, female, and binary teens while addressing racism, Black history, and societal disparity.
FROM JANET
Becoming: Adapted for Young Readers by Michelle Obama (Delacorte Press/Random House, 2021)
Becoming by Michelle Obama Crown/Random House, 2018)
When I think of a powerful woman, I
think of Michelle Obama. Her voice has truth coming from the strength of a confident woman. When reading her autobiography, I realized that she was a person with the same doubts and fears as myself. She was always striving to do her best, but at the same time trying to find a goal, an achievement, a fulfillment combined with motherhood. As she shows in her book, one is always “becoming.” In the last five sentences of her book, she tells us, “It’s not about where you get yourself in the end. There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there’s grace in being willing to know and hear others. This, for me, is how we become.”
FROM JOANNE
Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler (Grand Central Publishing, Little Brown/ Hatchett, 2019)
First published in 1993, this dystopian novel takes place in the years 2024-2027. “Parable of the Sower” is difficult to read, not for its direct, uncomplicated prose, but for the unflinching story it tells. The world that it depicts is cruel and ugly with even the good and well-meaning characters doing ugly things to survive. Lauren (from 13 to 18 years of age over the span of this first novel) is a Black woman who can feel the pain of others and is living in a barren future of climate change, racism, and poverty-slavery, struggling to survive “on the road” after
her enclosed community is destroyed. Several characters from various walks of life join her on her journey north and learn of a religion she has envisioned and titled Earthseed. The main tenets of Earthseed are that “God is Change” and believers can “shape God” through conscious effort to influence the changes around them. Earthseed also teaches that it is humanity’s destiny to inhabit other planets and spread the “seeds” of the Earth. Lauren is a flawed character but is also a strong leader and survivor. She has an inner strength that attracts people to travel with her and be willing to establish a community known as “Acorn,” pooling together what they have.
Sequel: Parable of the Talents by Octavia E. Butler (Grand Central Publishing (Little Brown/ Hatchett, 2019)
The Legendborn Cycle (for teens and adults by Tracy Deonn (Margaret K. McElderry Books/ Simon and Schuster, 2020)
Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn (Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2022)
Oathbound by Tracy Deonn (Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2025)
In “Legendborn,” her inclusive speculative fiction novel, Tracy Deonn has built a world of magic with roots in
Arthurian legend and traditions of the African American South and Southern Black Girl Magic. After her mother’s death, 16-year-old Bree enters an Early College program while still dealing with her grief. She is pulled into the magical Order of the Round Table, the historically white, deeply racist secret society which is committed to hunting the demons. Bree struggles as the Order’s sole Black member and page, but outside Black female practitioners offer help via a different means of magic. Bree must decide which path will give her the most answers about both her mother
and herself. Deonn adeptly employs the haunting history of the American South to explore themes of ancestral pain, grief, and love, balancing them with stimulating world building and multiple thrilling plot twists with a powerful Black woman character at the core of her story.
In “Bloodmarked,” Bree is now dealing with her ancestral power as a Medium, a Bloodcrafter, and a Scion. Bree must face the many consequences of her powers: choices, responsibilities, confusion, and learning to control them without losing herself.
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It was just a moment. You made it into art.
JUSTAMOMENT UniqUe Persepectives
This spring, Norwell-based Savage Godfrey Gallery (savagegodfrey.com), a multi-generational, woman-owned business run by mother and daughter Sunne Savage and Christina Godfrey, opens its third exhibition, Unique Perspectives, featuring the work of local artists Kelly Russo and Carole Bosley.
Kelly Russo’s intuitive abstract paintings are bright and dynamic. A mother of four and artist, her paintings depict a balance of color, shape, and action that symbolize the organized chaos of daily life.
Carole Bolsey paints large. Her canvases regularly measure over 5 feet and can be upwards of 14 feet. The evocative shapes of boats and barns are the subjects on display at the gallery. Used by ancient and modern civilizations, these shapes transcend time and culture. Carole depicts these structures amidst an abstracted ground, inviting the viewer to fill in the dots and transcribe their own memories and connections into the composition.
Savage Godfrey Gallery is located at 693 Main Street, Norwell, Massachusetts
Kelly Russo, Renascent, 2024, Acrylic on panel, 36 x 24 inches
Kelly is a member of the South Shore Art Center, the Cambridge Art Association, and the Copley Society of Art. She lives and works in Scituate, Massachusetts.
“Creating abstract paintings that convey the idea of organizing chaos is a through-line for this body of work. Painting is a vehicle for translating both joys and trials of life as a mom and artist who is trying to navigate an intimate family life while living in a complicated world. Finding balance, learning, exploring and being flexible as both a parent and an artist. The work captures moments in time that are not static, they are fluid and active. Balancing thoughtful composition and color with freedom, walking the tightrope of control and play, capturing layers of thought and emotion. While developing a piece, working in layers, the idea of revealing and concealing what is important. This acts as a metaphor in our daily life as we all decide what we put on the surface and what we hide. There are a variety of bold and subtle shapes that take on personalities and emotions that appear in the work and have conversations with each other. I love the idea of a conversation between shape, space and color. Sometimes they listen, sometimes I have to struggle through.”
Kelly Russo, Gravity, 2023, Acrylic on wood, 24 x 24 inches
“I paint water, space, skies, boats, animals and barns in order to feel the light and shade, to play with the movement, the imaginary spaces, and the paint, because I love light, water, color, space and all the things that happen when I try to capture them.”
Carole Bolsey, Sunny Boat II, 2025, Mixed media on canvas, 60 x 48 inches
Carole has taught painting at the DeCordova, Harvard University, and RISD. Her work has been exhibited in museums and galleries in MA, NY, DC, FL, and beyond. Carole lives and paints in Kingston, Massachusetts.. JUSTAMOMENT
Carole Bolsey, New Dusk II, 2025, Mixed media on canvas, 30 x 36 inches
“Balancing motherhood and multiple roles, Nichols’ flexible E-MBA program empowered me to achieve a lifelong goal, even in life’s busiest season.”
Sabrina Webb ‘24, Development Director, American Heart Association
Carole Bolsey, Clear Water (Submerged for Winter), 2023-25, Mixed media on canvas, 76 x 56 inches JUST
THAT MAGICAL INVITING SAFE PERSUASIVE SUPPORTIVE EMBRACING ICONIC
I’ll Leave You With This... KIM MILES
I’m having a love affair.
With my adjustable bed.
Yes, you read that correctly. I’m in love with my bed.
Several years ago, we were in desperate need of a new bed. My husband was constantly complaining that his back hurt and you could visibly see the demise of our bed’s structure and integrity. Like many things in life, it was simply time for a replacement. The bed, not my husband.
For those of you in the Northeast, there is only one place to go shopping for furniture. If you’re serious about purchasing and you want to cut out all the back and forth between stores, just give in and go to Jordan’s Furniture (I’m not being paid by Jordan’s to write this but would happily accept any sort of free ice cream, hamburgers, jellybeans, or credit toward my next purchase).
I was ready to go into the store and basically buy the firmest mattress I could find. I’m partial to firm mattresses and didn’t want to buy a replacement any time soon. It was my husband who said, “Why don’t we look at one of the adjustable beds?”
My answer? “Because I’m not 80 years old, that’s why.”
He quickly explained that he thought I might enjoy an adjustable bed because he knows I love reading, watching television, and working with my laptop in bed. He isn’t wrong. I have been known to hunker down and spend some significant time in my bedroom. After all, Oprah says, “Your bedroom should be your sanctuary.” And, while I’m not sure my bedroom has exactly reached “sanctuary” status, it certainly does hold a lot of appeal for me.
My bed looks out a small window to the woods in my backyard and I love watching the rain and the snow. I absolutely relish the opportunity to sleep with the windows open in the spring and early fall. Leaves rustling in the wind are one of
Kim is on Instagram @kimmilesinheels
Mother Nature’s best lullabies (ocean waves take top honors).
So, we pivoted to adjustable beds. And lord have mercy, I’ll never go back. As I sit here and type this column, yup, you guessed it! I’m in my bed with my back and feet at precisely the right angles and my laptop is resting in an ergonomically correct position. It’s simply heaven. I do some of my best work in bed! With my laptop (get your mind out of the gutter).
But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. The first few weeks, I was just getting used to playing with the remote control. You can adjust the bed to your favorite setting and “save” it in the memory. I was trying out all sorts of combos with my back and my legs and I finally found the best position for comfort. When you want to have the bed go back to a neutral position, you simply press the middle button, and the bed returns to a neutral, flat setting. One morning, I woke up, pressed the middle button,
happened a few more times over the next couple of weeks so I finally said to my husband, “Why the heck do you keep getting into bed and putting it up at a 90-degree angle? That can’t be comfortable.” To which he looked at me, totally confused and said, “What are you talking about?” Thinking he was messing with me, I dropped it.
And then one night, I got into bed and read my book, which always makes me sleepy. I returned the bed to its neutral position so that I could fall asleep and was just about to drift off when the bed started to move on its own and folded me into a tuckered-out taco. I started screaming and reaching for the remote. I no sooner got the bed to release its hold on me when, not two minutes later, it started to contort me once again.
It wasn’t my husband adjusting the mattress; I had been living with an actual bogeyman in my bed.
Never fear, this torrid tale has a happy ending. The company replaced the bed’s motor and I’ve not been mauled by my mattress since. In fact, I have only come to love my bed more. When my husband is sick and we sleep in separate bedrooms out of precaution, I find myself resentful that I’m the one who has to relocate to the guest room. I miss my bed. I long for my bed. I count the days until I can return to my bed. When I’m traveling, I rejoice when I’m reunited with my bed. What can I say? I’m smitten.
I’ll leave you with this… I’ve now come clean with the one thing that I might love more than my husband. Well, that and margaritas, M&Ms, and chicken parmesan (he’s well aware of the situation. I explained all of this in our vows). I never knew an inanimate object could make me so happy, but here we are. I suppose I’m now the only non-octogenarian spokesperson for adjustable beds. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, folks.
If you’re looking for me, I’m either at Jordan’s enjoying my complimentary snacks or snug as a bug reading, sleeping, scrolling, or ruling the world from my favorite spot in the house.
The Arc of the South Shore introduces its new CEO, Elizabeth
Sandblom
The Arc of the South Shore is an organization that stands at the intersection of dedication, compassion, and leadership. At the helm of this agency is a group of incredible women who work tirelessly to ensure that every individual—regardless of ability—has the opportunity to thrive and reach their fullest potential. These women, led by the new Chief Executive Officer Elizabeth (Liz) Sandblom, exemplify leadership, determination, and unwavering commitment to The Arc’s mission.
Liz Sandblom, who stepped into the role of CEO in February 2025, brings a wealth of experience and passion to the organization. With over 30 years in public service, including a significant tenure with the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Liz has honed her leadership skills in a variety of roles, most recently serving as Deputy Assistant Commissioner of Operations in the Department of Developmental Services. Her background in managing diverse teams and overseeing largescale operations has equipped her with the skills necessary to lead The Arc into its next phase of growth. What sets Liz apart is her deep understanding of the individuals and families served by The Arc. Her collaborative approach and commitment to enhancing the experiences of individuals with disabilities make her a perfect fit to lead the organization.
Liz is not alone in this mission; the leadership team at The Arc of the South Shore is predominantly made up of women, each of whom is highly skilled, passionate, and instrumental in shaping the future of the organization. Their expertise spans a range of areas, from operations to community outreach, advocacy, and program development, ensuring that The Arc remains a beacon of support for the individuals and families it serves.
What truly sets these women apart is their dedication to The Arc’s mission. They are not just leaders in title, they are leaders in action. Every day, they show up with compassion, vision, and a shared commitment to creating a community that is inclusive for all. They foster an environment where individuals are empowered to take control of their lives, and where every voice matters.
As we look forward to the exciting new chapter with Liz Sandblom at the helm, we celebrate the incredible women who make up The Arc’s leadership team. Their unwavering dedication to creating an inclusive world for all individuals is a testament to their strength, vision, and leadership.
At The Arc of the South Shore, the future is in powerful hands, and it is clear that these women are paving the way for a brighter, more inclusive tomorrow.
Since 1951, The Arc of the South Shore has helped more than 100,000 individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, including autism, live their best lives and achieve high-quality outcomes. Our programming includes early intervention for children with developmental delays, specialized services for individuals with autism, and supportive care for adults, including day services, supported employment, personal care management, foster care, and residential group housing. These services support people with disabilities in living healthy, safe, independent, and empowered lives.
First row in the Pink Chairs left to right: Danielle PremDas Director of Adult Foster Care; CEO Liz Sandblom. Second row left to right: Brenda Linden, Chief Strategy and Engagement Officer; Jill DeCarteret, First Early Intervention Director, Denesia Tardif, Vice President of Residential Services. Third row left to right: Anne Holton, Vice President of Day Services; Elizabeth Jones, Chief Program Officer; Janine Birmingham, Director of Autism Resource Center, and Suzanne Averill, Human Resources Consultant. They know their power (and how to do a power pose)
