Family Legacy Coaching by Design

Ron Blue Foreword by

Best - Se lling A uth o r a nd F in a nci a l Se r v ic e Pi o n ee r

Design

Multi-Generational Legacy Coaching: A Biblical Approach to Family and Wealth

Family Legacy by Design

Multi-Generational Legacy Coaching: A Biblical Approach to Family and Wealth

TOM CONWAY & BRETT EASTMAN

TOM CONWAY

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews or scholarly works.

Published by Lifetogether 27132A Paseo Espada Suite 423 San Juan Capistrano, CA 92675

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-950007-82-0

For more information or to request bulk orders, visit FamilyLegacyByDesign.com.

ENDORSEMENTS

“If you’ve received an invitation or a question or you’ve heard about a Legacy by Design workshop or their resources, I strongly encourage you to consider being a part of that, getting to a training, taking advantage of the workshop. I think it’ll help you in your next step on your journey of how you combine both your passion, your influence to families, to influence families that you work with at a deeper level.”

Randy Fairfax, Highland Consulting Associates, CFP

It’s been a privilege to witness my longtime friend Tom Conway share about Legacy by Design. It’s deeply encouraging to see Tom equipping advisors to guide their clients not just in financial matters, but in life stewardship. Legacy by Design is a timely and essential resource for anyone serious about leaving a meaningful legacy.

Russ Crosson, Chief Mission Officer, Sr. Partner - Blue Trust

“I would certainly invite anyone to attend a legacy by design training session. In some part, this message can be applied farther and farther. I am so excited for more and more people to spread this message of biblical legacy to people that can really be served and really be lifted up and blessed because of the thoughtfulness that is going into this training.”

Andrea Cohen, National Christian Foundation

“Legacy by Design is helping a family create a finished product so that when they go to their grave they have no regrets and they know that everything has been set up in the way that they wanted it and were designed for it to be.”

John Ruzza, Certified Financial Planner

“I’ve spent over 20 years learning how families can leave a legacy and strengthen their relationships. Tom is a master teacher with a rare gift for simplifying complex ideas. What he shares here is everything he’s learned—stories, principles, and practical insights. When I started, there was no manual. Now, thanks to Tom, there is. Don’t miss the chance to learn from him.”

John A. Warnick

“Tom walked us through his process over two full days, and we’ve taken it to heart. Now we’re applying it in our own family and with our clients. What he’s created sparks discovery, unity, and ongoing learning—even for us as facilitators.”

David Harper CEO, Legacy Advisory Partners

“I’ve known Tom Conway for 25 years, and he’s been both a great friend and an unexpected mentor. We work in the same space— wealth management and generosity—and I’ve learned so much from him. While I focus on the technical side, Tom brings a rare pastoral heart. He helps families uncover what truly matters, often asking the questions they didn’t know they needed. It’s a joy to partner with him in helping families steward their wealth with wisdom and purpose.”

Michael King

“If you’re considering a Legacy by Design event or any of the material, I highly recommend it. You’ll find a wealth of resources, built over years by experienced individuals committed to helping advisors guide their clients on a meaningful stewardship journey.”

Heath M. Senior Lead Advisor at OneAscent

“I met Tom Conway over 10 years ago and was immediately struck by his sincerity and wisdom. I’ve flown to Atlanta just to learn from him. When he invited me to this training, I knew I had to go—not only to learn from Tom but also to connect with the incredible group of professionals he brings together.”

David A. Attorney

For anyone who’s a young professional in this career, I’d really encourage you to look at the legacy by design process and think through the implications of taking your clients on a deeper journey

Ben Schmid

Tom offers a wealth of resources, a deep well of generosity and experience. I cannot think of a more generous and authentic person than Tom Conway and his program Legacy by Design.

Jerry Timus

Working with legacy by design and tapping into Tom’s skills and experience will give you so many tools and will give you insight to really help those people and to work in that sacred space and to really be that trusted advisor.

Michael Murray

Legacy by Design can help you as you serve your clients. We’re really trying to help the families create good communication and deep, strong relationships so that all involved can be good stewards.

Deborah Potter

INTRODUCTION | UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE OF LEGACY COACHING

• Overview of Legacy Coaching and its importance

• The Biblical foundation of multigenerational legacy

• Setting the stage for a unique approach to legacy building

CHAPTER 1 | WHAT IS LEGACY?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Case Study: From Wall Street to Legacy Coaching— Ben Schmid’s Story of Transformation

CHAPTER 2 | THE HEART OF A LEGACY COACH

• Characteristics of a successful Legacy Coach

• Proverbs 20:5: Wisdom as the foundation of legacy work

• The two sides of legacy planning: Technical vs. Relational

• Essential skills: listening, technical knowledge, and humility

• Case Study: Choosing Legacy By

CHAPTER 3 | THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

• The Right Heart

• A Multi-generational Mindset

• A Collaborative Mindset

• A Caring Mindset

• Serving

• Freedom from the Love of Money

• Case Study: A Journey of Faith and Legacy—John Warnick's Story

• A Lesson in Discipleship: Encouraging radical faith

CHAPTER 4 |THE PROCESS OF LEGACY COACHING

• The Three Key Words in Legacy Planning: Clarity, Alignment, and Communication

• The Three Stages of the Legacy Coaching Process:

» Stage 1: Family Legacy Review

» Stage 2: Strategy Development and Implementation

» Stage 3: Ongoing Monitoring

• Keys for Passing on a Legacy: Intentionality, Consistency, and Humility

• Case Study: Transforming Sacred Spaces Into Legacy—Michael Murray’s Perspective

CHAPTER 5 | THE FIVE AREAS OF LEGACY

• Personal Legacy (Spiritual Legacy)

• Family Legacy (Children, Grandchildren, Parents, Siblings)

» Avoiding Emotional Triangles

• Financial Legacy (Wealth Transfer)

» Case Study: Visualizing Legacy Choices— The Power of a Simple Picture

• Business Legacy (Continuity & Succession)

» The Three Circle Model: Understanding Family Business Dynamics

» Cautionary Tales: Legacy By Default

• Charitable Legacy (Giving)

» Case Study: Tale of Two Legacies— Edwards vs. Jukes

CHAPTER 6 | STAGE 1 – THE GOALS CONVERSATION

• The purpose and importance of the goals conversation

• Tips for a successful goals conversation: Understanding vs. agreement

• Biblical principles of communication in legacy coaching

• Creating the right environment

• Three keys to communication: being direct, truthful, and respectful

• Avoiding triangulation

• Structuring your questions effectively

• Balancing participation between spouses

• Handling common challenges in family discussions

CHAPTER 7 | STAGE 1 – FAMILY REVIEW

• Understanding each component of the FAMILY review:

» Financial Statements

» Assets Under Management

» Mandatory Documents

» Insurance Coverage

» Liabilities & Taxes

» Yearly Cash Flow

• The Five Uses of Money

• The Five Biblical Money Management Principles

CHAPTER 8 | STAGE 1 – GOALS & GAPS ANALYSIS

• Analyzing family legacy goals and identifying gaps

• Steps to delivering a legacy review

• Pictorial review of existing plans

• Case Study: Transforming a $90 Million Estate Plan

• The Life-Changing Picture: The Family Legacy Review Summary

• The process of implementation: progress, not perfection

COMING SOON

The following chapters and Appendices will be available in the full edition:

• Chapter 9: Stage 2 – Strategy Development and Implementation

• Chapter 10: Engaging the Next Generation

• Chapter 11: The Initial Family Meeting

• Chapter 12: Developing Family Vision, Mission, and Values

• Chapter 13: Ongoing Monitoring

• Conclusion and Call to Action: Sustaining a Legacy that Lasts

APPENDICES

• Appendix A: Goals Conversation Worksheet

• Appendix B: Sample Legacy Letters

• Appendix C: Legal Document Analysis Form

• Appendix D: Insurance Coverage Analysis Form

• Appendix E: Sample Goals and Gaps Analysis

• Appendix F: Sample Engagement Letters

• Appendix G: Five Uses of Money Worksheet

CHAPTER 1 What is Legacy?

INTRODUCTION UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE OF LEGACY COACHING

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• Overview of Legacy Coaching and its importance

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• The Biblical foundation of multi-generational legacy

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Setting the stage for a unique approach to legacy building

Advisors, let me ask you a question: What drives your work? If it’s just about managing portfolios, protecting assets, or securing the best returns, then you’re missing the heart of what families really need. At the core of your role is something far greater: the opportunity to guide families toward building a meaningful legacy—one that endures for generations to come.

Legacy. Have you thought about yours? Have you helped your clients think about theirs? Maybe you want to step back even further and consider: what does that word specifically mean? Let’s start with a definition that the Bible and Webster can agree on. Legacy is, ”something that is received from someone who has died, something transmitted from an ancestor or predecessor.” This definition is given from the descendent’s perspective.

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

This book is about legacy coaching—a unique approach that goes beyond traditional advising to help families articulate their values, navigate complex decisions, and create a vision that outlives them. It’s about stepping into a role that combines your technical expertise with the skills of a coach, a facilitator, a mentor, or even a pastor.

What is Legacy Coaching?

Legacy coaching is about more than dollars and documents. It’s about helping families answer the big questions:

• How can we pass down more than just money—things like faith, values, and wisdom?

• What impact do we want our wealth to have, not just on our heirs, but on the world?

• How do we preserve unity in our family while stewarding the blessings we’ve been given?

As a legacy coach, you guide families through these conversations, helping them design a purposeful plan that incorporates both their financial goals and their relational aspirations.

Why does this matter? Because without intentional planning, wealth is often a source of division instead of connection. Legacy coaching ensures families not only transfer their assets but also strengthen their relationships and pass down the things that matter most. This is the difference between legacy by design versus legacy by default.

The Biblical Foundation of Multi-Generational Legacy

The work of legacy coaching isn’t just practical—it’s deeply rooted in biblical principles. Scripture repeatedly emphasizes the importance of multi-generational faithfulness and stewardship.

Psalm 78:5-7 (NASB) says,

“For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children, So that the next generation would know, the children yet to be born, that they would arise and tell them to their children, So that they would put their confidence in God and not forget the works of God, but comply with His commandments.”

Proverbs 13:22 reminds us that “a good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.” These verses speak to more than just financial inheritance—they highlight the responsibility to pass down faith, wisdom, and values that honor God and serve His Kingdom.

Legacy coaching aligns with this Biblical vision, equipping families to see their wealth as a tool for impact and their relationships as a reflection of God’s love. As advisors, we have the privilege—and the responsibility—to guide them in this holy work.

Setting the Stage for a Unique Approach

What makes this approach to legacy building unique is that it doesn’t start with money. It starts with people. Legacy coaching focuses on understanding a family’s values, dreams, and challenges before diving into the technical aspects of planning.

You’ll learn how to lead family conversations, facilitate family meetings, craft mission statements, and address sensitive dynamics with grace. You’ll also see how to blend your technical expertise with relational insights, creating a plan that serves the family as a whole—not just their financial goals.

This book offers practical tools and real-world stories, but it also invites you to embrace a new mindset. Legacy coaching isn’t just another service you provide—it’s a ministry of presence and guidance that can transform the families you serve.

Why This Matters Now

We’re living in an unprecedented time of wealth transfer, with trillions of dollars set to change hands in the coming decades. Yet research shows that without careful planning, most families lose their wealth—and their unity—within three generations. You may have heard the well-known phrase “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.”

As advisors, you’re uniquely positioned to change that narrative. You can help families move from default to design, from division to unity, and from a focus on material wealth to an emphasis on lasting impact.

Let’s Get Started

This work isn’t for everyone—it requires patience, humility, and a willingness to step into deeply personal spaces. But for those willing to take on the challenge, it’s some of the most meaningful work you’ll ever do.

Legacy coaching isn’t just about securing a family’s future; it’s about helping them live out their God-given purpose. It’s about showing them how to steward their blessings in a way that honors God, strengthens relationships, and leaves a lasting impact.

So, let’s begin. Together, we’ll explore how you can become the kind of advisor families trust and rely on to guide them through the most important conversations of their lives. You’re not just building wealth—you’re building legacies, and that’s a calling worth embracing.

In the next chapter, we’ll examine what makes a successful legacy coach and how to develop the heart needed for this important work.

CHAPTER 1 What is Legacy?

WHAT IS LEGACY?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Legacy. Have you thought about yours? Have you helped your clients think about theirs? Maybe you want to step back even further and consider: What does that word specifically mean? Let’s start with a definition that the Bible and Webster can agree on. Legacy is, “something that is received from someone who has gone before, something transmitted from an ancestor or predecessor.” This definition is given from the descendent’s perspective.

I want to spell this out clearly, so let’s consider it from another angle—that of the predecessor. From an ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something you pass on to others. This is a crucial point: Legacy is both what we receive and what we pass on. The passingon aspect is the primary focus here as we work with clients to help them reflect on what they will leave for their descendants. However, there’s a third dimension to legacy that we cannot overlook—the legacy you are living right now. Every day, in the choices you make and the way you carry yourself, you are shaping your legacy in realtime. Everyone is watching, and the way you live today becomes part of what you leave behind.

Most people think legacy is about money. While it’s true that legacy will likely include money, money is not what it’s all about. I’m confident that we all want to be remembered for more than simply how much money we do (or do not) have. In fact, I’d like to suggest that the most crucial part of our legacy is the part that has nothing to do with finances. Estate planning attorneys work with clients as they carefully consider and make preparations for how to pass along their estate from one generation to another. If you ask someone in this field what the process is like, you will hear confirmation that beyond money, an estate includes values, character, and memories and that their clients care deeply about these aspects as they ultimately define the legacy being passed along.

The book of Ecclesiastes records many of King Solomon’s wise words. Regarding the topic at hand, Solomon said that wisdom paired with an inheritance is good and an advantage to all people. He continues by saying that not only does money serve as a

protection, but wisdom does as well. Additionally, knowledge and wisdom preserve the person’s life who possesses these things (Ecc 7:11-12). What a blessing to have the ability to pass along to our descendants the protection that money brings for material wellbeing, but also the protection of wisdom through a godly legacy.

The lives of people who possess wisdom are preserved, protected, and advanced due to the advantage of knowledge. I firmly believe in Solomon’s words and am confident of what I call the twin Ws of a godly family and business legacy: wisdom and wealth.

FROM WALL STREET TO LEGACY COACHING

A Story of Transformation

Ben Schmid perfectly embodies the shift from focusing solely on financial products to building meaningful family legacies. After a decade as a Wall Street equity analyst, Ben felt called to leave behind the relentless pursuit of numbers for work that was deeper and more rewarding.

Ben now leads Ketwich Capital, a fee-only advisory firm with a mission to help families find clarity around their faith, finances, and relationships. “When I worked on Wall Street,” Ben shares, “the focus was always on the products. Now, I’m focused on the people. The products are just tools to help them live out their values and achieve their vision.”

Ben works primarily with NextGen clients who’ve experienced liquidity events or inherited significant assets. “Money is a portal into someone’s life,” he says. “It opens the door to conversations about what really

matters—faith, family, and purpose. I’ve seen families where wealth transfers happen without preparation, leaving heirs feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. That’s where legacy coaching makes all the difference.”

His journey from Wall Street to legacy coaching serves as a challenge for all of us: Are we just managing portfolios, or are we walking alongside families as they build legacies that last?

“Some of my clients have amassed significant wealth— hundreds of millions of dollars, with the majority often tied up in their businesses. As they consider estate planning, they may ask whether they can simply distribute their wealth to those who come after them. My answer would usually be ‘no.’ I’m not here to judge, but rather to help them dig deeper into their specific situations to more clearly understand their goals. Estate planning is never a one-and-done decision; it’s a fluid process that evolves as circumstances change, as they continue living, and as their assets grow in value. At least not without careful consideration. As Solomon advises, so I advise my clients: wealth accumulated over a lifetime must be accompanied by the wisdom gained along the way. At a certain stage in life, it becomes clear to many that they must consider not just how to transfer wealth, but also how to pass on the insight and experience that allowed them to build it. While many professionals assist in wealth transfer, I believe the key consideration is ensuring that wisdom is passed down alongside it.

Remember that definition of legacy we discussed? We talked about how there is both a receiving and a giving involved and we talked about giving and receiving all three types of legacy. We have little input regarding the type of legacy we’ve received. That type is given

by our ancestors and may have been good or bad. Some of us have had extremely difficult childhoods. Perhaps there was abuse in our family, divorce, abandonment, broken and traumatic relationships, and childhood wounds that still cause hurt. Those are complex legacies to receive, but even in that, God has great power to redeem a bad legacy and turn it around into something good.

The second type of legacy is the one we have control over. We will pass this on to our descendants, and that’s where we will focus. We want our legacy to be good, full of not only material blessings but also wisdom that will impact generations to come.

And, again, the third type of legacy is the one we are living right now. Every day, through our choices, actions, and values, we are shaping the way others experience and remember us. This legacy is not just about what we leave behind but about how we impact those around us in the present. Regardless of what we have received, we have the power to change the narrative—to live in a way that inspires, uplifts, and sets an example for others. Because ultimately, the most powerful legacy isn’t just inherited or passed down—it’s the one we demonstrate daily.

Legacy By Design

Our advising firm’s byline, ”Legacy by Design,” is highly intentional. Most people create legacy by default, meaning they are not proactively shaping what their descendants will inherit— whether in wisdom, values, or resources. This often happens because daily life is too consuming to focus on the future, or because it’s uncomfortable to confront the reality that one day we will no longer be here. But legacy by default lacks intentionality; it fails to instill wisdom in future generations and misses the opportunity to shape the impact we leave behind.

The good news we like to focus on with our clients is that you have control over your legacy. There are steps and choices that you can make today that contribute to your legacy being one made “by design.”

I’ve talked to many people on the topic of what kind of legacy they hope to leave, and too many of them begin by saying, “I’m just going to leave my estate to my kids, and they can figure out how to use it.” I don’t want to sound harsh or to offend, but realistically, that kind of mentality does not express love to your children. There are ways to leave a legacy behind that does communicate love, care, and, yes, wisdom. I hope that you will begin thinking about how to be intentional with your legacy starting today. Putting thought and planning into your legacy while you’re still able to is one of the most loving things you can do for your children.

The way to be intentional about your legacy is to realize that it actually starts while you’re still living. Even today, people are watching how you live, and while I understand this thought might make you uncomfortable, the way you live is an example, for good or for bad. Your family is watching you, and so are people in your business, your church, and your customers or employees. Philippians 4:9 says, “As for the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

With all of these people paying attention, it doesn’t really matter what you say if you don’t live what you say. As a person who cares about integrity and legacy, I believe that you want to be the same person on the inside as you are on the outside. We all know the rules of life and how to put on a good front to look like we have everything together. Whenever someone asks how your day has been, my guess is that you respond with “fine.” You have a lovely house, and a nice car, and as far as everyone outside the four walls knows, the kids are all “fine” too.

But if you’re like many other “fine” people, when you get home, your kids see a completely different story compared to the last customer you had for the day. You’re not alone in this reality. Not only is there a good chance that your neighbor behaves in the same way, but this double personality action is played out dozens of times on the big screen and on pages of books. These make the best plots because we can all see ourselves in the conflicted characters.

Our spouse and kids see how we act when our guard is down, our emotions are raw, and we are comfortable. These at-home moments are where our legacy is built. Our moment-by-moment actions of living, speaking, and interacting daily are the bricks that form our legacy. How consistent is your inside with your outside? Are you a person who looks ‘fine’ on the outside—successful career, financial stability, a smiling family—but behind closed doors, things are far from what they seem? The difference between our public face and private face speaks volumes about the legacy we are truly leaving behind.

God’s Charge to His People: A Biblical Vision for Families

The Bible tells one grand multi-generational legacy story, from God’s promise to Abraham (Genesis 12:2-3) to the final vision of all nations gathered before God’s throne (Revelation 4-5).

When God began the intense process of building His people, the Israelites, He freed them from slavery in Egypt and led them through the desert for forty years, teaching them how to be a people and shaping them into His nation. Their leader, Moses, was God’s mouthpiece in this shaping and refining process. He gave the people the Ten Commandments, basic rules for life and He also gave the people God’s specific charge.

Looking again at Psalm 78:5-7, we see His design: “He established a testimony... which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God...”

When I am speaking on this, I ask the audience, “How many generations are here?” This passage reveals God’s intentionality about legacy across multiple generations. He didn’t plan for His truth to stop with one generation but to flow through time, with each generation teaching the next.

In this charge, God demonstrates that He has always been intentional about families and generations, passing down truth and wisdom from one generation to the next. This example and command from God, given thousands of years ago, has prompted me to talk about building multi-generational legacies today.

When our youngest daughter, Ruth, was born, I worked with Ronald Blue and Company. After she was born, I went into the office and handed out Baby Ruth candy bars to people because we had our own baby Ruth. As time went on, I believed that when we paid her last college tuition bill, we would be done raising her. At that point, she would be finished, done, successful, ready to have a job to support herself, and my parenting days would be over. Well, she’s been a working woman for many years now and is raising four young children, and I have come to understand that I am not done and that thinking of my parenting days ending was far from reality. (Now I’m in my grandparenting days!)

In many ways, Ruth’s college graduation was just the beginning of the really important parts of parenting and leaving a legacy for her. Of course, our relationship has grown and changed. She doesn’t need me to provide her daily schedule and material provisions, but that began a new era. We don’t have control over our kids like we once did when they needed us to make many decisions for them, but we do still have influence. In fact, we now have grandkids as well, and they, too, need someone to influence them in a true and godly way.

Understanding the Role of a Legacy Coach

Families need help building strong legacies, especially if they want the legacy to be passed down and last for multiple generations. Just like anything else that we’re learning how to do, it’s easier and more effective with a coach who has experience and education to think about things that might not be intuitive. We will spend the rest of the book explaining how to be an excellent legacy coach and will

start in the next chapter with how to develop the heart of a legacy coach. But before we go too far into how to become kind-hearted, supportive and educated, let’s first define the role of a legacy coach, specifically according to the model we practice under Legacy by Design.

Legacy by Design Coaches work with financially blessed families to help them create multi-generational legacies. That is our primary goal and we achieve this by helping clients focus on three words: clarity, alignment and communication. Throughout this book you will learn more about these aspects and how to help families while working through the lens of these aspects.

Clarity means helping families gain a clear understanding of their values, vision, and purpose. It’s about uncovering what truly matters to them beyond the numbers—their faith priorities, family aspirations, and the impact they want to have in the world. Clarity answers the question: “What do we really want our wealth to accomplish across generations?”

Alignment involves ensuring that a family’s financial and estate plans actually match their stated values and goals. Too often, there’s a disconnect between what families say they want and how their assets are actually structured. Alignment means that their planning documents, investment strategies, and giving practices are coordinated to support their core mission and vision.

Communication is perhaps the most critical element of all. Even the best-designed legacy plans fail when families don’t effectively communicate their intentions, hopes, and expectations. We guide families through crucial conversations about wealth, stewardship, and responsibility, helping them create an environment where transparency builds trust and prevents misunderstandings.

Throughout this book you will learn more about these aspects and how to help families while working through the lens of these aspects. It will become crystal clear that your clients may be a husband and wife coming to you for coaching, but these are not

the only people to consider in your coaching. As you develop a coaching relationship with the man and woman, you will also directly or indirectly be building a relationship with their children and grandchildren as well. Legacies, as we’ve discussed previously, are carried down through multiple generations. A legacy coach will not only give financial advice; she also mentors and disciples the whole family toward a biblical purpose for family and stewardship.

As we approach the work of legacy coaching, we try to help families focus on five areas of their legacy:

1. Personal legacy

2. Family legacy

3. Financial (this is the wealth transfer part) legacy

4. Business legacy

5. Charitable (or kingdom) legacy

These are concepts we will cover in this book. There are three stages of legacy coaching. The first is the Family Legacy Review; the second is Strategy Development and Implementation. The third is Ongoing Monitoring. Much of this book will be spent covering the first stage, the Family Legacy Review. I’ll walk you through everything we do in that stage and this will prepare you to coach clients through the second and third stages. Before we move to the next chapter, here are some questions for reflection.

5 Questions for Reflection

1. How are you doing in building your own multi-generational legacy?

2. What does legacy mean to you and your clients, and how do you define a legacy that lasts?

3. How do you integrate wisdom with wealth when building a legacy, and why is this balance important?

4. What are the key differences between a legacy created by design versus one that happens by default, and how can families be more intentional about their legacy?

5. How can parents ensure that the legacy they leave isn’t just about money but also about character, faith, and wisdom?

6. In the next chapter, we’ll explore the qualities and characteristics that make an effective legacy coach, focusing on the heart posture needed for this meaningful work.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2 What

is

THE HEART OF A LEGACY COACH

Legacy?

Characteristics of a successful Legacy Coach

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

You want to be a legacy coach. Since you're reading this book, I'll assume you've already decided to take that path. So let's ask: what do you need to know as you begin working with clients? What are the personality traits, characteristics, and heart motivations you need to cultivate in yourself to succeed in this calling?

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

There's a Proverb that has shaped my perspective on this: "A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out" (Proverbs 20:5 NASB). This verse has guided me throughout my career as a legacy coach. My goal has been to be a person of understanding, able to draw out the plans hidden in my clients' hearts. I hope it becomes one of your goals, too.

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

The two sides of legacy planning: Technical vs. Relational

Legacy coaching has two sides: the technical and the relational.

The technical side is critical because it provides the framework— the nuts and bolts of how your client's estate will pass to the next generation. To excel in this, you need to understand the tools, techniques, strategies, and documents of estate planning. This is non-negotiable because even the best intentions as a coach cannot succeed without a practical plan written down and implemented. And by-the-way, if you don't have a plan, the government has one for you and I guarantee you will not like it.

But just as important is the relational side, which goes beyond the numbers and documents. A good coach in any field knows that success requires addressing the whole person. You can design the most effective drills, the best game strategies, and teach proper nutrition—but if you don't consider the athlete's mindset and emotional well-being, the results will be mediocre.

As a legacy coach, it's the same. You can master estate tools and help your clients make great financial decisions, but without strong relationships and attention to the non-financial aspects of their legacy, the plan will fall short.

The "How" vs. the "Why"

The technical side is the "how"—the practical execution of legacy planning. But the relational side is the "why"—the purposes, passions, values, motivations, and emotions behind the plan. A good legacy plan needs both. Without the "why," the plan will feel empty, even if it's technically perfect. And if the "how" isn't done well, the client's intentions won't be realized.

It's also important to recognize that legacy planning affects the entire family, not just the client. If the family doesn't feel involved or connected to the plan, there will be gaps that could lead to

THE HEART OF A LEGACY COACH

conflict or frustration. Building meaningful relationships with all generations of the family is a crucial part of being a successful legacy coach.

To help you focus on building strong client relationships, here are five key characteristics of a successful legacy planner:

1. The Right Heart: A genuine heart for people and a willingness to prioritize their goals over your own.

2. A Multigenerational Mindset: The ability to see the big picture, considering the needs, values, and relationships of multiple generations.

3. A Collaborative Mindset: A commitment to working with the client's existing advisors, family members, and other stakeholders to achieve the best outcomes.

4. A Caring Mindset: A deep desire to truly understand your client's motivations, values, and goals—not just their assets.

5. A Heart Free from the Love of Money: An attitude of service, where the focus is on helping the client rather than personal gain.

When you cultivate these characteristics, you'll be better equipped to not only create plans that work but also plans that last—plans that honor the "how" and the "why." That's the heart of being a legacy coach.

Essential skills: relational, listening, questioning, and technical skills

Relational Skills

The work of a legacy advisor is independent. You won't have a boss micro-managing your time and what you need to do next. To be a good legacy coach, you'll want to become an expert at goal setting. Set goals for yourself and for your clients. Goal setting isn't something I started when I became a legacy advisor. I've been

setting goals my whole life. These are the six areas of life that I set goals in. They include my:

• Spiritual life

• Family life

• Financial life

• Physical life

• Vocational life

• Social life

I've been practicing goal setting for so long that I don't remember where I first learned that it would be a good idea. My practice is to set goals in each one of those areas first for myself. Then I bring goal setting into my client relationships and help them set goals in each of these areas, too. This is one of those comprehensive pieces that I engage the whole family on. I challenge everyone to set goals and pass out goal worksheets, even to the kids. We have sessions when I challenge them by saying, "Rate yourself on a scale of zero to 10. Examine how you're doing in each one of those areas." I have a worksheet where people can rate themselves.

Do you see how goal setting would flow much easier and naturally if you have strong interpersonal relationship skills? I learned while working for Perimeter Church that people skills were a strength of mine. They sent me to an expert to analyze what I was good at. He concluded, "Well, you're an accountant with a personality." Noticing his confused expression, I knew this wasn't something he saw every day. I also work with many accountants and have experienced those who have a more subdued task-oriented personality. The combination of being savvy with numbers and also having people skills seemed like an unusual gift mix. I embraced it and sought out this type of advising opportunity, because it is relational work.

Now, if you feel like you might be one of those "typical accountants," let me encourage you that you can develop relational

skills. I'll help you here with a few of the important ones. I firmly believe that with a desire and intention you'll be successful and build deep relationships with your clients. The first skill that's crucial to success as a legacy coach is listening.

Listening

There's a big difference between hearing and listening. We hear sounds all day long. Some of those sounds are voices, people talking to us. In our self-absorbed age, we have a choice whether or not to actually listen and internalize what we hear. It's a skill and can be improved upon with practice. The first step in listening is to ask questions. This puts the focus back on the speaker and demonstrates that you heard what they just told you. Over time, you'll learn to ask the right questions to truly understand what's being communicated and also the message behind the words that are spoken. Too often people look for "agreement," rather than looking to "understand" why the person thinks the way they think. Consider my client who intimidated his children. He was not trying to gain understanding of his children, but rather to gain agreement.

Many of us approach this financial work with the attitude that it's our job to tell people what to do. When you have met with enough clients, it can be tempting to develop a "plug and play" system that you think will work for everyone in the same way. In reality, this successful legacy coaches don't work that way. If you want the most satisfied clients and families, you'll need to develop connections. Finding connections and understanding the things that are truly important to clients is best accomplished through asking to learn more about what they value and want to pass on as part of their legacy. Start now to brainstorm a list of questions that will draw out information from families who will be your clients.

Technical Skill

Estate planning, tax planning, financial planning, business planning, charitable giving strategies, insurance, and investment

knowledge—all of these fall into the technical skill category. It is imperative that you have these skills to succeed as a legacy coach.

While I have a strong financial background as a CPA with expertise in charitable giving, you don't need that depth of technical knowledge to succeed. Someone with basic financial understanding, a willingness to learn, and the humility to seek help when needed has everything required to become an effective legacy coach.

Take insurance, for example. I do not have any insurance licenses. But I know someone who is an expert in insurance. My friend Greg Freeman from AdvisorServe knows the industry inside and out. He's licensed, experienced and I trust him to find my clients the best policies at the best prices. I don't need to know everything about insurance because Greg is a part of my team.

Another important niche category is business succession planning and governance guidance. Not every client will need guidance in these areas because not everyone owns their own business. This is another area I am not an expert in, but I have another resource for my clients who need advice about these issues. I simply need to know when my knowledge ends and when I need to get my friend Randy involved. Randy understands the complexities of family businesses. He knows how to navigate the three circles and I'll list them here for you to gain a basic understanding as well.

• Family Circle – Includes all family members, whether they're involved in the business or not.

• Ownership Circle – Includes the people who actually own part of the business.

• Management Circle – Includes everyone working in the business, whether they're family or not.

What I've learned over time in regards to these circles is how to address the involvement of people in each of these circles. Let's say the client has a son-in-law who's family but not involved in the business, or a business partner who's an owner but not family and doesn't actually work in the company. You can see that these

various scenarios get messy fast. When my clients begin talking about these sorts of relationships, I reach out to Randy. (For more on business succession planning, I recommend the book Generation to Generation—it's an excellent resource on family business systems.)

The key takeaway on this point of technical knowledge is simple: you don't need to be an expert in everything, but you do need to build a network of trusted specialists. Whether it's insurance, business succession, ESOPs (employee stock option plans), or another less common financial situation, your job as a legacy coach is to know where to go for help and when to bring in an outside expert so your clients get the best possible advice and results.

Humility

I don't mean to be repetitive in this book, but although we've already discussed the importance of having a collaborative mindset, this is such a key point and characteristic that I'll address it again. Collaboration is rooted in humility and a genuine desire to do what's best for the client. Let's be honest—sometimes our egos get in the way. We want to believe our skills are top-notch in every category. Admitting we're not the expert in a given topic can feel like a weakness. But the solution is simple: humility.

God makes it clear in His Word: "...God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6 NASB). This message is all the motivation I need. For me, I seek to walk in humility because I want God's grace in my life. It is crucial to recognize when we need more resources and when to bring in other experts. Having this characteristic allows us to truly serve our clients with excellence.

Humility isn't weakness—it's strength under control. It's the confidence to say, "I don't know, but I'll find out" or "I know someone who specializes in this area." In legacy coaching, this humility creates space for genuine collaboration that benefits families tremendously. When we set aside our need to be the expert

in everything, we demonstrate that we value the client's needs above our own ego.

I've found Andrew Murray's book, Humility, to be transformative in this area. I have read it six times so far over the last two decades and try to read it every couple of years just to remind myself of the need to be humble. "Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone takes the right attitude before God, and allows Him as God to do all."—a perspective that radically changes how we approach our work as legacy coaches.

As you develop your legacy coaching practice, cultivate this humility. It will not only improve your effectiveness with clients but will also enrich your professional relationships with other advisors. The most respected legacy coaches I know are invariably those who have mastered the art of humble service.

Case Study: CHOOSING LEGACY BY DESIGN

Jerry Timus's Journey

Jerry Timus exemplifies the heart of what it means to live and lead with intentionality, embracing a legacy by design rather than by default. After decades of success in the technology industry, Jerry felt a calling that shifted his professional focus. Together with his wife, Allison, who shares his passion for faith and family, Jerry made the bold decision to dedicate the latter half of his career to helping families steward their resources for Christ-centered purposes.

One of the pivotal moments in Jerry's journey came when he visited a seminary with friends. Upon

returning home, his wife saw in his eyes that their shared vision was about to change. Though it was a surprising shift, she met it with grace, saying, "Death of a vision, birth of a vision." Together, they began working with families of significant means to train the next generation of faithful stewards and proclaimers of God's Word.

Jerry reflects, "The decision to align my work with eternal values rather than worldly success wasn't just about me—it was about modeling principled decisions for my children and grandchildren. It's about showing them what it means to live for something bigger than yourself."

His son, now a professor at a Christian college, has followed that same North Star of faith. Together, they've partnered to create a collaborative conference between the seminary and the college, addressing cultural issues from a biblical perspective and impacting thousands.

Jerry's story reminds us that legacy isn't just about material wealth—it's about what we impart to future generations through our actions, values, and faith. As he says, "Legacy by design means living in alignment with the promises of God's Word, knowing that what we do today can bear fruit long after we're gone."

For Jerry and Allison, the sacred trust of raising six children in Christ and modeling faithful stewardship has become their life's mission. Their story challenges us all: What legacy are you building, and how are you modeling it for those who follow?

5 Questions for Advisors

1. How do you understand the difference between the technical and relational sides of legacy coaching, and which do you think might be more challenging for you personally?

2. What does it mean to be "a person of understanding who draws out the plans hidden in your clients' hearts" as referenced in Proverbs 20:5?

3. How might your current skills and background prepare you for the essential skills of legacy coaching discussed in this chapter?

4. In what ways can developing strong listening skills transform your effectiveness as a legacy coach?

5. Jerry Timus's case study demonstrates a shift from professional success to purposeful legacy work. What lessons from his journey might apply to your own approach to legacy coaching?

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 1 What is

Legacy?

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

The Right Heart

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

The first and most important characteristic of a good legacy coach is the right heart. Here is your opportunity to take a look at your heart and make sure that it is in the right place. Legacy planning is a rewarding pursuit and there are many reasons to step into the role, however the heart of a legacy planner must be in the right place. Like many things in life, success comes to those who are passionate about their work and have a sincere desire to help others.

Perhaps you came into this pursuit because you like the business aspect. You've managed assets, budgets and finances for others in the past. You're good at the details and have found success at selecting profitable investments. Dollars in and more dollars out. This is the focus and even goal of planning an estate, right? You may have even worked in an environment in the past where it seemed

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

like there was no room for that soft stuff—building relationships, mentoring clients, or caring about their commitments to God and His kingdom.

In truth, building a legacy encompasses that soft stuff. Investing time and effort into cultivating relationships is a crucial part of legacy coaching. As you begin your journey as a legacy coach, I encourage you to take time to examine your own heart and see how it aligns with God's. His heart has to be your heart. You can't skip this aspect. It's what the whole focus of coaching is about, considering and encouraging growth in the heart.

What does it mean to have God's heart? It means having a servant heart like Jesus, who "came not to be served but to serve" (Matthew 20:28). It means approaching clients with humility, recognizing that we don't have all the answers. God's heart is generous and sacrificial, willing to give His very best for others.

Having God's heart also means adopting a stewardship mindset— recognizing that we're managing someone else's resources, not our own. It involves a caring, pastoral approach that shepherds families through difficult conversations and decisions. Finally, it requires a multiplication mindset, as Paul instructed Timothy: "The things you have heard from me... entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also" (2 Timothy 2:2).

Without God's heart guiding our work, we might create sophisticated plans, but we'll miss the opportunity to help families build legacies of eternal significance.

A Multigenerational Mindset

Expanding your approach to consider the entire family of your client will take more time than you may be used to giving. The best and most authentic legacy coaches understand this and have learned to embrace it. You will want to set aside time regularly to invest in building and deepening relationships with your client's

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

family. In fact, this investment of time will most likely last for years. That's because we are focusing here on a multigenerational approach. It's a mindset to think this long-term, but if you adapt to this, your clients will truly be with you for generations. Thinking beyond your clients, husband and wife, to their kids and even grandkids will require specific skills.

When I begin working with a new client, I enjoy not only meeting, but befriending the children where possible. I learn so much from meeting with all of them and having genuine conversations. It is through this relationship building and getting to know their personalities that I am better able to serve the whole family.

It's important to note here that sometimes your role will be as a facilitator. We all understand how communication gaps can pop up, especially between generations and since you will be working with the entire family, it may be your job to facilitate communication between generations. In this role, there may be scenarios when you need to call people out as appropriate. Most families get no real help in this area of conflict management and coming to resolutions. When the older generation passes away, resentments and wounds that had been shoved aside and unspoken may resurface and gaping wounds will interfere with the estate administration. As legacy coaches, it becomes a privilege to help people mend these hurts. If we've put in the effort ahead of time to build relationships, our interventions are much more wellreceived. There will be a greater openness to listen to our words and education if we've demonstrated care for years prior.

A Collaborative Mindset

One of those soft skills that will be called upon in the legacy coaching role is that of having a collaboration mindset. A good doctor in the process of diagnosing a health problem and coming up with a prognosis, will get second, third and fourth opinions from others in the field. I often call my friend Jim and say, "Hey, I have this case; what do you think?" Jim will give me his perspective.

He won't say, "Here's the answer," he'll just give me his thoughts. This is the role you want to put yourself into, as an advisor. You have an outside perspective that can help settle disagreements or at least offer a neutral opinion to a situation.

Collaboration is vital because two heads on a problem are more than just the sum of their ideas. They synergize and create a multiplicative effect on each other. The point is; that you also will have situations when you need to get input from another advisor. You don't live in a silo, and that's a blessing. God designed us for community, not isolation. As legacy coaches, we're part of a community of advisors serving a family—including estate attorneys, tax professionals, and others who bring complementary expertise. When we work together, families receive far better guidance than any single advisor could provide alone.

And if two opinions are good, three, four, or five are better. Here's why. When it comes to this work we do, none of us are complete experts on all aspects of advising. There is a book called Right Side of the Table by Todd and Scott Fithian. They ask in the book's subtitle, "Where do you sit in the minds of the affluent?" Why do they ask that? Scott and Todd draw a rectangular table and say (paraphrasing), "Your client is sitting here on this side, and you're sitting next to your client. On the right end of the table is his CPA, and his lawyer is up at the top of the table by his insurance guy. And then there are three money managers over there, and then there's another insurance guy on the other side."

They are saying you want to be on the right side of the table. This is a good time to explain the reason why I got into this business. Years ago, I was heading up development for Dr. John Edmund Haggai and the Haggai Institute. I would ask our wealthy clients three questions. The first question was, "Tell me who your advisors are." Because their financial situation was complex and they relied on outside advice, they usually would list off all kinds of advisors with whom they consulted.

The second question I liked to ask was, "Do you have anyone

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

who does these three things for you? Number one: They clearly know what your goals and objectives are. Number two: They know everything you have, not just a pot of money they manage or an insurance policy they sold you, but they know everything. And number three: Did they help you to develop a strategy to accomplish your goals and objectives based upon the resources with which you've been entrusted?

The donors initially always said, "No, I don't have anybody like that."

Then the third question I would ask was: "Do your advisors share your biblical worldview?"

To that question, they often responded, "No, I've got an attorney; he's Jewish and a really good guy. He is a great estate planning attorney, but he gets nervous every time I try to give away money. He doesn't think I should be giving away my kids' money. In his mind, it's my kids' money."

Those three questions guided my opening conversations repeatedly. Simply by laying out those thought provoking questions helped not only me realize I really want to help people say "yes, yes, and yes" to those three things. But also the questions planted seeds in my donors' thoughts that perhaps they should have more alignment with their finances and that if their faith really was as important as they claimed, it should play a role in the way they managed their finances. It didn't even take direct promptings on my part for them to begin putting pieces together to believe that by having a single coach/advisor, their plans would be far more aligned with what they say they want. Someone needed to be doing this work for them, on the right side of the table alongside them.

Hopefully, you're grasping the value of cohesiveness which is a huge benefit you can offer your clients. The point here for you is to understand that you can't do all that advising alone; you've got to have a collaboration mindset. You need to know what you can and can't do. When hard relational issues come up, I have go-to

people counselors who can help navigate family conflicts. I know this type of mediation may be way above my pay grade. Even though I've been an elder in the church for many years and have counseled many couples and groups, I am not a trained counselor and do not have that specific skill. I've got some wisdom, mostly enough to know when to bring in outside help. There is a limit to my understanding and ability in that area. I do not hesitate to call a professional to get my clients outside help when I see that it's needed. I do not replace most of their existing advisors. As a matter of fact I collaborate with them.

Part of being successful in the role of legacy coach is knowing how to relate to and communicate with other people. Along with this relational ability is the challenge to have humility to recognize when you're at a point of thinking, "I can't handle this. I need to get other people to look at the situation and give me their thoughts." Your goal is to serve the family not to stroke your ego about how important you are in their lives. When you have a clear understanding of the family's goals and values, you may help them by bringing in the right people to make up for educational and experiential gaps that you have. It's not possible for you to serve as their lawyer, counselor and investment banker all wrapped into one. Those roles have specific training and a good coach understands when to bring in other experts. This is a collaboration mindset.

A Caring Mindset

"The goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith" (1 Timothy 1:5 NASB).

I've included this verse from Paul's letter to Timothy to offer an example of pure motives and mindset in a leader, teacher, or coach. Having genuine care about clients and their families will bring you the most success as a legacy coach. Cultivating this caring mindset might take effort and you may need to retrain your thought process to see clients as more than people who you work with on their finances.

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

One of my favorite people in the Bible is not the apostle Paul, but his partner, Barnabus. From my study of the Bible I would classify Paul as a type A personality who wants things to get done. His personality type was perfect for the work that he did to spread the Gospel throughout Asia and Europe. He indeed got things done.

Sure, I get things done and I like to see results, but frankly, I'm much more of a Barnabas guy who naturally takes things slower and I'm not afraid to stop pushing when I sense that's what someone else needs. When the Bible describes Paul leaving Barnabas behind, I would've gone with Barnabas and said, "Goodbye, Paul. Have a nice time!"

Still, Paul had many great characteristics and God used him in mighty ways to spread the Gospel message. One particular verse and chapter reveals Paul's true heart. In the letter he sent to the Thessalonians, Paul wrote, "Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us." (1 Thessalonians 2:8 NASB)

This excerpt from the letter written to one of the churches he helped to plant shows Paul's connection with the Thessalonians goes far beyond helping them to receive God's grace. He sincerely cared and even loved the people of the church. His love was so deep that he would even sacrifice his life for their faith. Paul is a model for us as we care and coach people in our circle of influence, our clients. Spiritual condition is a piece of them and this applies to even those who are not Christians yet. I love to talk to nonChristians. Dr. Bill Bright from Campus Crusade (now called "Cru") heavily influenced me in the importance of sharing my faith and he outlined tools that I have found extremely helpful throughout my life. Consider that even if your clients know Jesus, their children and/or grandchildren may not.

For the younger generation who may initially appear resistant to talking about spiritual things, I love to just ask questions. They may have initially said, "Well, I'm not really interested in God

and religion." That answer doesn't deter me. In fact I see it as a challenge and ask them, "Well, why not?" The short answers don't slow me down. I want them to think about if they do or do not believe in God and if they don't, I want to find out why not. In this way of caring deeply for others, I hope I am similar to Paul.

A Serving Mindset / Free From the Love of Money

The fourth key characteristic of a successful legacy coach is to have the mindset of a servant. This is modeled directly on the example of Jesus. During His ministry, Jesus said he didn't come to be served but to serve, and He challenged His followers to think the same way. This applies to you and me specifically in our work as legacy coaches. I hope that you have the desire to serve. As you'll discover, it takes time to serve families. In order not to burn out in being available with a servant attitude, you'll need the heart and desire to carve out time for your clients. This is not easy, especially in the beginning when you start your practice. Over time, you will have resources to add to your team and hire people to help run the business pretty well. Once your focus is not needed as directly in the office, you have the time to serve your clients and build connected service-oriented relationships with them.

The model of servanthood as a way of life and therefore a way of business is foundational in the New Testament. Jesus taught service to His disciples multiple times. In Mark 10, James and John were having an argument about who would be the greatest in the coming kingdom. The advice Jesus gave the quarreling brothers was, "Whoever wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:44-45 NIV). Through His very existence on earth, Jesus modeled servanthood and that this is our focus rather than having others serve us.

Jesus continued to model the attitude of servanthood even until

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

His death. On the night before He was handed over to be tried and crucified, Jesus, in a stunning act, washed his disciples feet. After He completed this dirty job, He exhorted the disciples, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you" (John 13:14-15 NIV). In this way, Jesus became explicit with the concept that not only was He serving with a servant heart, but this is what He expected of His disciples as well.

There are many challenges to servanthood and examples of it in the Bible, but I'll share just one more. This one from Paul, remember the man who had a type-A personality? In the letter that he wrote to the church at Philippi, Paul wrote, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (Philippians 2:3-4 NIV). As you begin your career as a legacy coach, I pass the challenge on that you approach relationships with your clients in the same way, consider their interests above your own.

Free From the Love of Money

Living free from the love of money is the final characteristic in the list of how to be a successful legacy coach. Although the last, this may be the hardest and most important in this career path. If you were to ask me what the financial planning world is about, I would say that it's all about money. Everyone is working to grow their business. We're trying to find ways to make more money. Figure out how to monetize something we're already doing. Looking for money here and there.

I want to share something crucial for your success as a legacy coach. It's about cultivating the right heart posture in our work. While building a thriving practice is certainly important—and we all need to be properly compensated for our expertise—there's a deeper mindset that distinguishes truly effective legacy coaches.

The most impactful legacy coaches approach their work with a ministry mindset. They focus first on how they can genuinely serve families rather than primarily on how to maximize their own financial gain. This doesn't mean we shouldn't be paid fairly for our services—that's not the point at all. Rather, it's about our underlying motivation and what truly drives our decision-making.

I once heard Tim Keller challenge his congregation to examine their relationship with wealth. He gently but firmly suggested that many of us, even as believers, might be more attached to material possessions than we realize. What he actually said was that every single one of us is "greedy and materialistic." Though it sounded harsh, sometimes things need to be said in a way that will cut to the heart of the matter, and it did!

He invited his listeners to reflect on their financial priorities—how they earn, how they give, how they spend. His point wasn't to condemn but to encourage honest self-reflection.

Keller also reminded his audience that many of our material blessings come from circumstances beyond our control—where we were born, the opportunities we've been given. This perspective helps us approach our work with humility and gratitude, recognizing that "every good and perfect gift is from above" (James 1:17).

This reflection had a profound impact on me. It prompted me to examine my own motivations and to be more intentional about cultivating gratitude for what I've been given and generosity toward those I serve.

For us as legacy coaches, this mindset shift is fundamental. When we approach our work primarily as a way to serve families rather than simply as a means to grow our income, we discover something remarkable: we actually become more effective. Clients sense our genuine concern for their wellbeing. They trust us more deeply. And ironically, this service-first approach often leads to a more successful practice in the long run.

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

The heart of legacy coaching is helping families achieve what they truly need—clarity about their values, alignment in their planning, and healthy communication across generations. When we prioritize these outcomes above our own financial interests, we're practicing the kind of servant leadership that transforms not just families but our own hearts as well.

Your clients are human which means that they tend towards the same weaknesses that you do. As you apply the servant mindset in your work with them, you can serve by helping them see their own need to be generous and give them a plan to put that into practice through their legacy. Their hearts can not be opened to this understanding unless you are willing to speak the truth. Are you willing to speak so boldly about God's ways that you may be fired by your client? Not everyone is prepared to accept this knowledge about their condition and you'll want to be confident that speaking the truth is important so you'll be firm even if your client doesn't accept the truth.

Recently while working with a client I could see that his kids were intimidated by him. They all said it to me in one way or another. I took a deep breath, remembered it was okay to be fired, but not okay to withhold the truth, and said, "Did you know your kids are intimidated by you?" (His wife agreed, saying, "Oh yes, they certainly are.) After mumbling around and a little awkward tension, I concluded that intimidation was actually his intention. I continued, "Their fear of you is the overwhelming message I took away from meeting with your four kids. They feel like you don't listen to them; you just want to tell them how they should live their lives, and they're not buying it." It reminded me of what Dr. Haggai said of his father, "when he wanted my opinion, he gave it to me."

You may think this was risky, but I knew that as a coach it's necessary to sometimes say hard things in order to push clients to improve. The Bible confirms that it's out of love that we speak into and acknowledge one another's faults.

"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3 NASB)

The prospect of this type of conversation is intimidating. Your job as a legacy coach, is to overcome the fear of an awkward and tense conversation because the love and care you have for your client is greater than the momentary uncomfortable feelings you'll experience. God calls us to gently speak the truth in love.

Commit to Pray

One way that I've found helps prepare me for these conversations is to commit to prayer. Along with caring for my client's financial future, I am also committed to praying for them and their families. I have a journal for this purpose. As a side note, I want to recommend the value of journaling. Whether you're writing out your prayers, or processing your thoughts, I'm a firm believer in the great value of journaling. The process helps me stay focused on what is right, and putting pen to page creates time and space for me to reflect and prepare to have those hard conversations when necessary.

If you need a little more guidance on the topic of journaling, I recommend you read Gordon McDonald's book, Ordering Your Private World. It's an old book by now. One of the things I gained from reading the book is becoming convinced of the power of journaling. McDonald isn't the only one who recommends journaling. Ron Blue, the great financial advisor and mentor, also talks about the importance he places on journaling. In fact, I believe I heard him once say that Gordon McDonald is the one who convinced him to journal.

Whether you're explicitly writing out prayers or using the pages to sort through those things weighing heavy on your heart, journaling with the ultimate purpose of prayer is how it is most valuable for your role as a legacy coach. I'll share what works for me, not

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

because I'm the expert, but because I understand it's helpful to simply know how to get started. I use the back pages of my journal to list all my clients and the other people I'm praying for, including their kids, and their grandkids.

I pray for all of them twice a month. This intentional time of bringing their needs to God in intercession makes all the difference in how I think of advising them. I have a commitment to God to be faithful to these clients and their families. Praying for them reminds me that this is not just business. Throughout the month, I record the days I've prayed for families. I keep a record of this because I want to tell them I'm praying for them and ensure my words aren't false. The last thing I want to do is say I'll pray for someone and then forget to do it. By adding the time to pray to my calendar, it's an appointment and I won't forget to do it.

Case Study: A JOURNEY OF FAITH, FAMILY, AND LEGACY BY DESIGN

John Warnick's Story

John Warnick's journey to becoming a legacy advisor is a testament to the power of faith, divine guidance, and the importance of stewarding resources for God's purposes. With a successful background in law, John's path took an unexpected turn that forever shaped his career—and his heart for legacy work.

Over two decades ago, a client handed John a small green book titled Family Wealth: Keeping It In the Family. The title initially unsettled him, as John firmly believed wealth shouldn't just stay in a family but should also bless the world. Yet, he couldn't put the book down. The wisdom within ignited a spark

that would lead him to one of the most transformative moments of his career.

The client, impressed by John's passion, tasked him with finding the book's author, James E. Hughes Jr. Despite a fruitless initial search, John had what he describes as a "wall of impression" moment—a divine nudge that stopped him in his tracks. Acting on that prompting, he found Hughes and began a five-year mentorship, carrying Hughes' briefcase as they worked with high-net-worth families. Those years shaped John's understanding of legacy, teaching him the principles of meaningful wealth transfer and family stewardship.

But John's journey didn't stop there. After facing a lifethreatening brain tumor, which required over 10 hours of surgery and a year of recovery, John experienced a renewed calling. "In those early mornings in the hospital, I was overwhelmed with gratitude," John recalls. "I prayed, asking God how I could repay this immense grace. The answer was clear: share the wisdom He has given me to help families create godly legacies."

Today, John is dedicated to equipping families with the tools to design legacies that reflect their faith and values. His story challenges us to listen for God's direction, embrace opportunities for growth, and steward our resources in ways that glorify Him. As John puts it, "God's hand is in every step of our journey, calling us to build legacies that endure and honor His name."

A Lesson in Discipleship: Encouraging Radical Faith

Let me tell you about a client of mine who has a net worth of about $500 million. When we first met, we went through the estate planning process together. I implemented all of these things I've

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

discussed here, so through the planning work, I got to know him, his wife, his kids, his business and his plans for the future. After we had built up a good rapport and I had a clear picture of his finances and values, I said to him, "You need to start making seven-figure gifts."

His eyes got real big and he said, "I've never made a seven-figure gift. I've given multiple six-figure gifts, but never a seven-figure gift."

I was persistent in my conviction to encourage him and said, "Based on how God has blessed you, it's time to start making seven-figure gifts."

A year and a half later, he made his first seven-figure gift. How did that happen? I continued to bring it up to him.

Every month, I'd ask, "Have you thought about where you want to make your first seven-figure gift?" Every month, he'd say, "No, I haven't thought about it." So I'd reply, "Well, I'll ask you again next month, so why don't you take some time to think about it?"

He took that challenge and spent time in thought and prayer. By the next month, he was ready to make the gift.

That challenge was just the beginning of what I encouraged him to do. After the seven-figure gift, I said to him, "In your situation, you could give away 30% of your adjusted gross income to charity, deduct it and save yourself millions of dollars in taxes."

He responded, "I've never thought about that."

We worked together in this approach and by the end of last year, he accepted that challenge and had given away 30% of his adjusted gross income, which was multiple millions. Through a little encouragement and laying out the numbers, he went from giving relatively small amounts away to giving over millions of dollars in one year.

It's my opinion that my client isn't done in this progression. It's

clear he's come to share this vision, because this year, he gave away 50% of his AGI, and it's my opinion he will continue to do so each year. Why? Because he is seeing clear examples of how God blesses those who give faithfully and generously.

This work in legacy coaching isn't just about finances. For biblical legacy coaches, the work becomes about discipleship.

Can you imagine my client's pastor suggesting his congregant give away 50% of his income? That kind of conversation is possible, but very tricky since the church is often a recipient of these gifts. A pastor giving specific financial giving advice makes the guidance conflicted. That's where we step in as legacy coaches. We don't get extra payment from encouraging our clients to give more. Our advice is simply spoken out of care for their hearts, and their growth in maturity. We care about guiding clients to view and use their money in a way that aligns with their faith.

Encouraging Radical Faith

As legacy coaches, our role is to challenge clients in love. At times, you might feel like a thorn in their side. I prefer to think of myself as a friendly ladybug on the arm, not there to bite them or be annoying, but simply to draw attention to values that they already have. A good legacy coach will ask, "Have you thought about what you'll give this year?" Next year, we ask the same question.

Good coaches that I've had in the past have been at the same time both encouraging and challenging. As I've taken on a coaching role with my clients, I've discovered that even though I make them a little restless, calling them to step out in faith, it is one of the most rewarding parts of this work. I often tell people, "Never be afraid to challenge someone to do something significant for God," because the Scripture says, "...Without faith, it is impossible to please God…" (Hebrews 11:6 NASB). This verse convicts me. Every time I read it, I ask myself, "How is my life demonstrating faith right now?" If I can't think of any areas where I'm stepping out in trust of God, I take that as a red flag and look for areas in my life where

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

God is wanting me to take a risk for Him.

Of course this verse applies for our clients as well. When they step out in faith—when they make those bold, stretching decisions for God—they grow. It has been my experience that every time someone steps out in faith, God takes care of them.

Legacy coaching isn't just a job. It doesn't just pay the bills. I view the work as a ministry. Through conversations, encouragement and prayer, we help people grow in their faith specifically in the manner of seeing how God can use their resources for His kingdom. I never get tired of walking with clients through this transformation. There's nothing more exciting. Don't be afraid to speak up in faith. Challenge your clients. Assure them that you'll walk with them through the process of planning and giving and you'll watch together and see all that God will do.

Looking at Ourselves

Until now, I've focused on the importance of being willing to challenge others to step out in faith, but we aren't honestly able to challenge unless we are willing to do the same. When I served as missions director at Perimeter Church, I challenged single young men to take a couple of years out and go overseas to participate in a mission outreach. Often their parents wanted to talk to me about the details, so I grew comfortable in the work of challenging and supporting others in these types of endeavors. Many young people did take the step of faith to spend time serving in another country.

I reveled in feeling like I was fulfilling the Great Commission through these go-ers. It is true that God uses people in a variety of roles to spread the Gospel, but I didn't imagine anyone needed to challenge anyone in my own family. That is until a man at our church challenged my own son, Chris, to go on a mission trip for a year. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that my first thought about that conversation was, "What are you doing talking to my son?"

My son did end up going to Bosnia for one year. For the first two

months after he left, I was depressed. We have three amazing girls, but only one boy. He was the one I used to play with. Suddenly he was on the other side of the world in a country I knew little about. I'm confident that was God's gut check to experience the consequences of what I had been advising to other parents for years. It's difficult to make sacrifices and especially to allow children to spend a year away, on the mission field. This story is a great illustration of a principle I use as a coach; "as we counsel, so should we do." Just as we will encourage our clients to give more, we should not make allowances for ourselves to not be more sacrificial in our own giving.

One strategy I like to use when challenging clients to give more is to connect them with those who are already giving large percentages of their resources. David Green, CEO and Founder of Hobby Lobby and his family give away 50% of their Hobby Lobby income every year. I encourage all of my clients to meet with David and sit by him at a two-day event. Meeting others further along on the giving journey is one way you can coach clients to challenge themselves in their giving. Take some time to consider other ways you could stimulate people toward what is possible.

As we conclude this chapter, I'd like to summarize the job description of a legacy coach. Key characteristics of a successful coach include having high emotional intelligence, wisdom, competence and love. In this chapter we talked about technical knowledge. It's helpful to have a tax or estate planning background, but the relational side, those soft skills, are even more important. This is especially true if you have a collaborative spirit and the humility to find "experts" in areas which are not your strengths.

In the next chapter, we'll explore the process of legacy coaching, including the three stages of the journey and the key components of each stage.

THE FIVE KEY CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEGACY PLANNER

5 Questions for Advisors

1. How do you prepare your heart for legacy coaching work?

2. What are the key skills needed to navigate the relational side of legacy planning?

3. Why is it important to be prepared to live the way you ask your clients to live?

4. Why might it be easier for a legacy planner to talk to a client about giving than a pastor to have the same conversation?

5. What might keep you from being willing to be the ladybug on the arm of your clients?

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 4 THE PROCESS OF LEGACY COACHING

What is Legacy?

The Three Key Words in Legacy Planning: Clarity, Alignment, and Communication

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

In the last chapter we discussed the heart of a legacy advisor. Now we’re going to get into the process you will use when working with clients. You may already have a process, so my goal here is to provide fresh ideas and perspectives to add to the good things you’re already doing. Much of what I’ve learned about legacy coaching came from Jeff Rogers. I give him credit because he helped me get started, and over the years I’ve just added to his methods and refined them to fit my style and clients. I’m sure you’ll do the same, but hopefully you’ll find some suggestions here that will be helpful in your business.

When people ask me what legacy coaching is all about, I say, “My goal is to help you get clarity, alignment, and communication. Clarity around what you want to do in five areas of your legacy, your personal legacy, your family legacy, your financial legacy, your

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

business legacy (if you are a business owner), and your charitable or Kingdom legacy. I want to make sure your estate planning documents are aligned with what you said you wanted, and then I want to help you to communicate this to the next generation.”

The Three Stages of Legacy Coaching

The process I use with clients has three stages. Each stage builds upon the previous one. We need to do Stage 1, the Family Legacy Review, to determine what the client’s current situation is. In this stage we find out what the “GAPS” are between what their existing plan is and how it aligns with their goals. This helps me prepare the Goals and Gaps Analysis.

Once we know the GAPS, then we will know what they need to do to fill the gaps. This is done in Stage 2, Strategy Development and Implementation.

Finally, once their plan is done and aligned, we can move to Stage 3 - Ongoing Monitoring.

My approach to implementing these goals is to move in three stages:

Stage 1 - The Family Legacy Review

Stage 2 - Strategy Development and Implementation

Stage 3 - Ongoing Monitoring

For our purposes in this book, we’ll dive deeply into the first stage of the Family Legacy Review. We will cover stages two and three later in the book at a much higher level.

The Family Legacy Review

The purpose of the Family Legacy Review is to see where the family is currently. Call it the “current reality” of where a family is with their legacy.

Let’s begin with an overview of how I conduct the Family Legacy Review. It also has three steps.

1. Goals Conversation—to understand what the family wants to do with what they have in 5 areas of their legacy, their personal legacy, their family legacy, their financial legacy, their business legacy (if they are business owners) and their charitable or Kingdom legacy.

2. FAMILY Review (Financial Statements, Assets Under Management, Mandatory Documents, Insurance Coverage, Liabilities & Taxes, and Yearly Cash Flow)—to understand the reality of their current situation

3. Goals and Gaps Analysis—to identify where their current plan falls short of what they said they want to do.

This Family Legacy Review is our first big deliverable. It is essentially the review of their current situation and how well it aligns with what they said they want to do. We don’t know what to fix until we first know what is broken. It essentially brings the overall plan to the surface. We will discuss each of the three steps in depth beginning with the Goals Conversation.

Goals Conversation

The Goals Conversation is a conversation with the client around five areas of their legacy and what the client would hope to accomplish in those areas. The five areas of legacy are your:

• Personal legacy

• Family legacy

• Financial legacy

• Business legacy (if you are a business owner)

• Kingdom or Charitable legacy.

If it’s a non-Christian person, I don’t use the word “Kingdom.” I use “Charitable” or “Philanthropic legacy.” When I review the existing plan, I use the FAMILY Review, which I will describe in

more detail below, and then the deliverable to the client is the Goals and Gaps Analysis.

So what are they paying for? I usually charge a flat fee ($10,000) to do the Family Legacy Review. I was with a friend and mentor last week. He said, “You need to start charging more ($20,000) for this.” And I said, “Oh, that sounds like a good idea.” But the point is that I don’t know what the gaps are until I do this preliminary work.

The client often does not understand what their existing plan is and how it differs from what they want to do. This is often because their documents were done years ago and their situation has changed dramatically since that document was signed.

Once I know where they are, we can then develop a plan and a strategy to overcome those gaps. The gaps may be many. There are estate planning gaps, wealth transfer gaps, wisdom transfer gaps, and clarity and communication gaps. There are income and capital gains gaps. There could be business continuity and business succession gaps—the difference between business continuity and business succession is, depending upon the size of the business, if the principal gets in a car wreck and he’s in the hospital for a month, who runs the business and makes decisions when he’s not there? That’s business continuity. Business succession is obviously what’s going to happen to the business when the client is no longer in charge.

Regarding the business legacy gaps, I have many clients who are very intentional Christians. Some are on the road to becoming more intentional. Some even have chaplains in their companies; they have Bible studies in their company. They’re doing all this stuff legally without discriminating, so they’re not breaking any laws, but they’re very intentional in doing things with people in their business. But I want to find out if there are any business legacy gaps.

Another question is, “Who are the key leaders in your business?”

I want to know who your vice presidents are. Which ones do you trust, and which ones do you trust the most?

And then there are the charitable giving gaps. People often never thought they could give anything other than cash. So we talk about giving non-liquid gifts, whether it’s appreciated stock at a low basis, a non-liquid gift. A non-liquid gift may be a part of their business interest, or a part of a real estate deal that they have.

There’s a lot of charitable giving that could be done by families that they don’t know about, and often their CPA doesn’t know about it or has never mentioned it to them. Some CPAs are preparers only. They don’t plan for their clients. They’re just, “Give me your numbers; I’ll put together the return and give it to you.” That’s not helpful for many clients. They need a plan. They need to know what their tax liability is going to be so they can do something about it.

That was all step one, assessing the situation and discovering where the gaps are using the three stages of the Family Legacy Review. Once we know what the gaps are, we can begin the planning. The deliverable back to the client for Stage One, Family Legacy Review, is the Goals and Gaps Analysis.

In the Goals and Gaps Analysis we look at their current situation and compare it to what it could be based upon the goals they have shared with us. The difference between what they said they wanted to do and what their existing plan is are the “gaps”.

You can’t move into Stage Two, and you won’t know what to charge for it, until you’ve completed the Goals and Gaps Analysis. Now that we know what the client’s GAPS are, we can move into Stage Two - The Strategy Development and Implementation Stage.

Stage Two: Closing the Gaps and

Building the Legacy

Now we’re in Stage Two. At this point, we’ve identified the gaps, and it’s time to move into action. What do we do? First, we engage

in goal clarification—this includes a trusted advisor conversation. What is a trusted advisor conversation? It is a conversation with the client to determine of the many advisors they may have, who are the ones that you trust the most and who are the ones that you will not make a decision without getting their counsel? It involves collaboration with the client’s existing advisors. In most cases, the client already has a CPA, an attorney, a money manager or a financial planner.

Collaboration with Existing Advisors

When I work with a client, I make it clear: “I will not replace any of your advisors. I don’t manage money, I’m not a lawyer, I don’t sell insurance, and I don’t want to do your taxes. If your CPA or attorney isn’t qualified enough to handle your situation, we’ll find a better one, but that’s not the goal initially.”

When implementing a plan with the client’s advisors, I always ask the client to send a clear message to those advisors. I’ll say to the client, “Send an email to your CPA, your attorney, your investment manager, and anyone else involved. Tell them, ‘I’m working with Tom, and anything Tom asks of you, you’re free to send it to him.’”

Why is this important? Because advisors can get territorial. If the client doesn’t explicitly tell them to collaborate, they’ll resist. But once we’re all on the same page, we can develop a strategy, present options to the client, and begin to implement the plan.

The Value of Stage Two

To give you an idea, the cost of stage two ranges from $12,000 to $120,000, depending on the complexity and the value we can deliver. Sometimes, it’s a one-time fee. Other times, it’s a monthly fee for a year to eighteen months.

The value isn’t just about saving money on taxes—though saving $10 million in estate tax is certainly valuable. It’s about the intangibles. For example, I ask clients, “How much is it worth to

you to save $10 million? Or to see your daughter talking to you again? Or to create a family vision, mission, and values statement that brings everyone together?”

Some things are priceless. Families that achieve clarity and unity about their legacy come away thrilled because they’ve created something rare: alignment across generations.

Building the Next Generation

A big part of Stage Two is focusing on the kids. I once worked with a family worth over a billion dollars. They had a family office with four employees in addition to three attorneys and two CPAs on retainer and an annual planning meeting. When I attended one of these meetings, I realized I was the only person in the room who had ever talked to their children.

This family had 75 trusts, and all the lawyers were trustees, but no one had communicated with the kids. The family office leader even admitted they had their children sign their tax returns without letting them see the numbers—just a “sign here” approach.

I told them, “You need to start talking to your kids. They need to know what you own and how to manage it when you’re gone.”

It took time, but they finally agreed. We brought in their company CFO, had meetings with the family, and explained everything—25 apartment complexes, real estate, golf courses, and other businesses. In addition they had $400 million in life insurance. It was a huge step, and it prepared the next generation for what was coming.

Sensitive Situations

Not every family is the same, and not every legacy is easy. Family dynamics can involve challenging situations where values, relationships and money intersect. As advisors, we have to help families face these realities with honesty and compassion.

Ron Blue once said, “If you cut your son out of a million-dollar

inheritance because he doesn’t follow Christ, do you think that will bring him closer to Christ?” One woman answered, “No, there’s a greater chance he’ll come to Christ if I give him the million dollars.”

Ron replied, “Then give him the million dollars.”

Faith and Legacy

Leaving a legacy is about a lot more than money—it’s about preparing hearts, building relationships, and stewarding values across generations. Some families provide great examples, while others serve as cautionary tales. Either way, we learn something from every family we work with.

What’s the Value of Legacy?

Consider how some clients understand that experiences and memories can be as valuable as financial assets. One client I worked with prioritized taking the entire family on a meaningful trip, recognizing that creating shared experiences was a vital part of her legacy. For her, creating memories and strengthening family bonds was as valuable as leaving financial resources.

As legacy coaches, we help families navigate these decisions, keeping faith, values, and relationships at the center. It’s not always simple, but it’s always meaningful.

Stage Three: Ongoing Monitoring

Stage three is where we focus on ongoing monitoring, ensuring that the legacy we’ve built with clients is carried forward and remains aligned with their goals. This stage requires consistency, patience, and a willingness to adapt as circumstances change.

I’ve had clients for over 10 years, and while we fixed the initial issues in the first part of our work, some decisions—particularly around such issues as giving, how much to leave to children, what to do with their business, and where to give their funds at the end

of life—are still unresolved. For example, in the estate planning area, we’re heading toward 2026, when the current exemptions are scheduled to sunset, depending on the political landscape. Monitoring these changes is critical because the decisions clients make today can have long-term implications.

Meet Them Where They Are

Some clients aren’t ready to take action on all your recommendations, and that’s okay. I have a client, let’s call him Jim, who has met with me several times about transferring assets to use up his $27 million dollar lifetime estate gift exemption. He’s just not ready. And I told him, “I’ll never pressure you to do this. It’s your choice, and you understand the estate tax implications. Who knows? Ten years from now, there might not even be an estate tax. You don’t want to force something now and regret it later.”

This is a key principle of stage three: don’t ever force a client to do something. You don’t know the future, and circumstances can change. Be a guide, not a taskmaster.

The Value of Ongoing Monitoring

I have two clients who pay an annual retainer just to have me available. It’s not an hourly rate—it’s a set fee based on what they’ll need from me over the year. They see the value in having someone who will do what their CPA or estate planning attorney won’t do. I organize family meetings, hold them accountable, bring up new ideas as necessary, and ensure their plans stay on track.

Here’s an example: I had clients who were giving $150,000 to charity every year. Through ongoing monitoring, I helped them get into the rhythm of giving more. Now they’re giving $1.5 million annually. How? Because we established an agreed upon system. I’d say, “You committed to giving 10% of your profit. We worked with your CPA and figured out that to fulfill that goal you need to give $3 million this year. Is that okay?”

Once they get into that rhythm, there’s no pushback. Of course, some clients do push back. They say they want to give more but don’t follow through. Often, it’s because they’re stuck in fear or in greed or materialism, just like the rest of us. But those clients are the ones who need us the most. With enough gentle prodding, they eventually can decide and feel good about their decision.

Tools for Stage Three

Ongoing monitoring also involves creative tools and strategies to reinforce the legacy. One of my favorites is a Family Journey of Generosity (JOG). These bring the whole family together to codify their story and values, creating a shared understanding of their charitable legacy.

Sometimes, we help clients write books about their lives by connecting them with writers who specialize in this kind of work. Other times, we focus on a specific project, like funding a charitable initiative or launching a business idea for the next generation.

The Heart of Stage Three: Modeling Legacy

The key to stage three is modeling the legacy. Generations two and three are more likely to embrace a legacy of generosity, for example, if they’ve seen it in action. Regular family meetings are an essential part of this process. These meetings aren’t just about numbers; they’re about reinforcing values and encouraging consistency in stewardship and leadership.

The Work of Giving

Let’s be honest: giving generously is hard for everyone. It takes conviction and intentional effort, and many people avoid it because it’s easier not to do the work. Part of your role in stage three is to help clients understand that while it won’t be easy, the rewards of building a meaningful legacy are worth the effort.

You’re there to walk alongside them, offering guidance and

accountability. In most cases, they don’t have anyone else willing to do this work with them.

Hypothetical Examples of Legacy Planning

For example, consider a hypothetical family with four adult children of varying circumstances - one might be financially secure as a successful professional, while another might be serving in a lower-paying but meaningful nonprofit role. Another might be struggling with personal challenges that affect financial stability. In such cases, parents face the complex question of whether to divide their estate equally or equitably based on need.

Or imagine a business owner who needs to decide between children who are actively involved in the family business and those who have chosen different career paths. How do they balance fairness with practicality when it comes to business succession?

Legacy Beyond Finances

It’s important to remind clients that God doesn’t live on a budget. He owns it all, and He’s not worried about balancing the books. The goal isn’t just financial stewardship—it’s modeling faith, values, and generosity in a way that impacts future generations.

A Lifelong Education

Every family is unique, and each presents its own challenges. Some are great examples; others serve as cautionary tales. But every experience teaches us something new about how to help families steward their resources and their values.

Stage three isn’t just about maintaining a plan; it’s about nurturing a legacy that lasts.

TRANSFORMING SACRED

SPACES INTO LEGACY BY DESIGN

Michael Murray, deeply rooted in his work at Hillsdale College, describes legacy planning as a sacred and transformative space. As he sits with families navigating the profound responsibility of passing on their wealth and values, he recognizes the holiness of these moments. “When you’re helping someone plan their legacy, you’re entering the intimate details of their lives. It’s sacred,” Michael explains.

In his role, he has witnessed the joy families experience when they align their resources with a purpose that echoes their faith and principles. “There’s joy in knowing they’re creating something meaningful for future generations—especially with an institution that stands by its founding truths,” Michael shares. Yet, he also acknowledges the challenges, particularly when brokenness or strained relationships complicate the process. “Sometimes, there’s sadness when families leave their legacy to an institution instead of their loved ones due to unresolved conflicts. In those moments, I lean on the Holy Spirit for guidance and pray for healing.”

Reflecting on his personal legacy journey, Michael admits that his work has inspired him to take a closer look at his own family’s legacy. As his children step into adulthood, he and his wife are beginning to think intentionally about the blessings they will pass on— both financial and spiritual. “Legacy isn’t just about wealth; it’s about wisdom, faith, and relationships. Often, those are the gifts that matter most.”

For advisors stepping into similar sacred spaces, Michael offers this encouragement: “Honor the trust clients place in you. God is using you to help them make decisions with eternal impact. Engage with materials like those from Legacy by Design to equip yourself with tools and wisdom that ensure their legacy aligns with God’s purposes. At the end of the day, helping others hear ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’ is the greatest reward.”

Sample Engagement Letters

Below, you will see a couple of Sample Engagement Letters. The first one is a sample engagement letter for Stage 1 when I first engage a person. In this letter, I tell them what we will do, the main elements of the Family Legacy Review, the three parts, the documents I will need from them, the benefits and expectations they should have from this, and the fees. The Family Legacy Review costs $__________, payable in advance. Travel costs are reimbursable, so if I have to fly there, that’s on top, and then they have to sign that before we do anything.

The Stage 2 Strategy Development and Implementation Engagement Letter details the next part, and this engagement is $___________, payable in thirds (optional), with a third up front. The trick here is to explain your services well enough without going into tremendous detail, telling them what you will do for them. And I have another one for the ongoing management, which, again, is very specific to what I’m doing for that client, but the point is you need them to sign this before you’re going to do anything. So I put them in there for that reason.

5 Questions for Advisors

1. How do you ensure alignment in the legacy planning process? What steps can you take to ensure that your clients’ legacy plans align with their values, goals, and vision for the future?

2. What does effective communication look like in family legacy planning? How can you ensure you communicate clearly and effectively with your clients and their families during the legacy planning process? What are some strategies to foster open, honest communication?

3. The Family Legacy Review Process: How does the Family Legacy Review process help you identify gaps in a client’s legacy plan? What role do the Goals Conversation, FAMILY Review, and Gaps Analysis play in shaping the overall strategy?

4. How do you balance the financial and relational aspects of legacy planning, especially when dealing with sensitive family dynamics or differing values among generations? What are some strategies to handle these complexities effectively?

5. How do you ensure that ongoing monitoring of a legacy plan remains effective, especially when clients are hesitant or not yet ready to make significant decisions? What strategies do you use to keep them engaged and on track toward their long-term legacy goals?

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 5 What is

THE FIVE AREAS OF LEGACY

Legacy?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• An overview of the five core areas of legacy:

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• Personal Legacy (Spiritual Legacy)

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Family Legacy (Children, Grandchildren, Parents, Siblings)

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Financial Legacy (Wealth Transfer)

• Business Legacy (Continuity & Succession)

• Charitable Legacy (Giving)

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Over the years, I’ve learned that when it comes to legacy, it helps people to think of five core areas:

1. Personal Legacy

2. Family Legacy

3. Financial Legacy

4. Business Legacy

5. Kingdom or Charitable Legacy

In Proverbs 10:5 it says, “A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water, But a person of understanding draws it out” (NASB). A legacy advisor or coach seeks to be a “person of understanding” who is trying to draw the plans of his clients’ hearts in the five legacy areas. Your goal is to help them get what they truly want.

Let’s look at each of these.

Personal Legacy

The personal legacy includes the spiritual legacy, and we start by asking the clients questions about their lives, such as: (see Goals Conversation Worksheet in the Appendix)

Their spiritual life - Even if you work with a non believing client, you can still ask them about their spiritual lives. For an unbeliever, I’ll ask things like, “Do you go to church?” They might say, “No, we don’t attend church.” Or I’ll ask, “Have you ever thought deeply about spiritual things?” I’ll just be interested in them. I’ll be inquisitive. There’s no judgment. I might share my testimony, depending on the situation. However, I want to engage them on this subject.

When you look at your personal lives, what have been the happiest times in your life and why? With the gifts and abilities that God has given you and your experiences so far in life, what would it take for you to have a greater sense of personal fulfillment?

We try to get them to think ahead by asking them “Over the next 3 Years what would be the key things each of you would like to see happen in your life to make your personal legacy better? What hopes and dreams do you have for yourselves and your family? I often ask them, “Have you ever prepared a personal mission statement? Or, do you have a life verse?”

I also ask these questions: “What would they like to be remembered for?” This speaks to legacy since legacy is wrapped up in the way you live and what you leave behind. “What do you and your spouse want to be remembered for?” Each spouse needs to answer this question of legacy on both a personal and a marriage level. Similarly, I’ll ask, “What would you like your grandchildren to remember you for?” When you think of your own grandparents, what qualities and stories come to mind? “What do you want on your tombstone?”

Here I bring up the idea of writing an introduction to your legal documents where you share your hopes and dreams for your heirs. Especially, If you are leaving assets in a dynasty trust, that goes for multiple generations. You might want to leave a message to the heirs that you will probably never meet. They will read the trust document someday. It might be a blessing to your heirs to know that their great, great, great grandparents were believers.

Another question. “What would it take for you to have a greater sense of personal fulfillment?” Everyone wants to be fulfilled, but not everyone knows how to get that. They don’t know how to quit a high-paying but unfulfilling job. They sometimes need permission to have dreams about something they love and care about.

Then we’ll talk about their kids and grandkids. We’ll talk about the spiritual legacy they want to leave them, because there is no guarantee that people will keep the faith from generation to generation. One thing I’ve learned from some other advisors is to have the clients write a foreword to their documents expressing what their hopes and dreams are for their heirs. Many clients believe the greatest thing that has ever happened to them is coming

to know Jesus Christ. They might say, “Our greatest desire for you as our descendants is that you come into a personal relationship with Christ. Then they might add, “we’re leaving this money to you for the following purposes.” And then you list all these qualities of personal and spiritual legacy you would like to see your family replicate.

Possible Things you might want to be known for: Godly character, sold-out follower of Christ, good name in the community, wonderful employer, someone who is free from the love of money, someone who is generous and ready to share what they have with others, a good steward.

In the Appendix we have some samples of legacy letters written by clients.

Family Legacy

Next, come the Family Legacy questions: “Tell me about your family. Children, Grandchildren, Parents, Siblings? “How close are they?” “How are they doing: Spiritually,Family wise, Educationally, Vocationally, Relationship wise? Are there any damaged relationships within your family that need to be repaired? What are they? What three things would you like to do to improve your family legacy?

AVOIDING EMOTIONAL TRIANGLES

According to family systems expert Edwin Friedman, emotional triangles are “the building blocks of any relationship system.” They form when two people in conflict pull in a third person to relieve anxiety or gain support.

How Triangles Work:

1. They form from discomfort between people

2. They resist change and self-perpetuate

3. They interlock in a reinforcing manner

4. They make it difficult for people to change behavior

5. They transmit stress to the most responsible member

Example: A son has a disagreement with his father about the family business. Instead of addressing his father directly, he complains to his mother, who then approaches the father on the son’s behalf. This creates a triangle that prevents direct resolution.

As a legacy coach, avoid becoming the third point in a triangle. Instead, encourage direct communication between family members. When someone tries to involve you in a triangle, redirect them back to the person they need to address.

Other possible questions to ask might be. In your generation, what do you most hope to accomplish? What do you most hope to avoid? Over the next three years what would you like to see happen in the life of your family to make your family legacy better? What are the most significant things you would like to do with each of your children or grandchildren to have a more fulfilling family legacy? What are the key values you would like to build into yourself and see built into your family over the next three years?

Here are some possible things for which you might want to be known in your family. Which of them resonates? He or she loved God, they loved their spouse, they Loved their children, they were a hero to their family, or they were an example to their kids.

Remember that whatever they say, we will seek to facilitate as legacy coaches. This will give us a way to keep them accountable.

Financial Legacy

Financial legacy is about wealth transfer. Before you get into the amount they will leave to their children you might want to ask them some of these questions: What most amazes you about the amount of wealth you have been fortunate to accumulate? Do you feel a sense of financial freedom? Do you feel financially blessed? What would it take for you to feel a greater sense of financial

freedom?

VISUALIZING LEGACY CHOICES: THE POWER OF A SIMPLE PICTURE

For a family with $77 million in assets (including a business), we presented two columns side by side:

each (×3)

When the husband saw this visual, he immediately pointed to the Alternative Plan and exclaimed, “I want THAT plan!”

Sometimes the most powerful communication tool isn’t a complex explanation but a simple picture that clearly illustrates the choice at hand. This visual comparison instantly conveyed what would have taken pages of text to explain.

Do you anticipate an inheritance from your parents?

What are your views of ‘Wealth Transfer’ as it relates to your family? Regarding wealth transfer, “What amount of inheritance to your children could you leave that will be a blessing to them – and not a curse?” “What do you hope your inheritance will accomplish in the lives of your heirs?” Encourage them to be as specific as possible. This is an excellent question because most people don’t realize that money can be a curse to a family.

Do you think it is possible to give them too much? What would you like to do for your family as part of your financial legacy? What needs of your children are you trying to fulfill through your inheritance? (housing, education, medical needs, retirement needs).

What, in your mind, is an adequate inheritance for your children? What impact do you think this money will have on your childrens’ lives? Are there any particular family assets that you would like passed onto the next generation? Here it would be good for you to make a list of some of your personal property and who you would like to receive it. Then give that list to all of your children.

Are you currently giving to your children annually? The government allows you to give $19,000 annually (in 2025) to anyone you want through your annual gift tax exclusion.

Once you have decided on your children, the question is “What would you want to see done with the rest?” Is there anyone outside of your immediate family that you would like to bless? Maybe it’s a gift to charity.

In his book, Splitting Heirs”, author Ron Blue makes the statement, “You love your children equally; therefore, you treat them uniquely.” I don’t know many families that do that. It sounds great to treat each kid uniquely, but speaking from experience, most of my clients, if they have three kids, divide the inheritance by three. They may also do their charitable part, but they’re going to divide the rest by three, and that’s not usually the best thing to do if you love them equally.

Here’s an example of this in my own life with my son. We try to do a family vacation once a year with our married children, and many times we pay for it. They all show up, and we pay for the rental house and other expenses. My son is a lawyer and he does well in his practice. One year, we were getting ready for one of these vacations, and I said, “Chris, I’m going to pay for your two sisters and their families to come, but I figured you could pay for your own.” He said to me, “Dad, please don’t do that.” He said, “We want you to pay for our family as well.”

It was an incredibly meaningful statement to me because it told me that even though he’s blessed more than the others, he just wanted to be part of the family, and if he had to pay his way, he would feel

like we didn’t love or care for him as much. I get emotional to talk about it, but I was so glad he was honest enough to say that to me. I said, “From now on, we’ll pay for it. We’re either not going to do it if we can’t afford it or we’re going to do it for everybody.” Now, it makes it sound like I’m saying give them all the same, but not exactly. I had to know how he felt so I could decide based on that, not other criteria.

One of our other children, Pamela, has Down syndrome. We love all our children equally, but we treat our children differently in our estate. We will put a significant amount of our estate into a special needs trust for the benefit of Pamela. And then, at the end of her life the balance would be distributed to the others.

But we’ve communicated to our kids, and they all know that. Whatever assets go into that special needs trust, the other three kids are the co-trustees of that. They just need two out of three to agree. This is common in these types of situations, but where there are no unique or medical needs, it’s been expected to leave everyone the same, but it’s not always the best. There are many considerations when deciding, and we can help our clients think through their decisions and then communicate them to their heirs.

I often use the example “if you had three children, one was a medical doctor, one was a missionary, and one was a drug addict, would you divide it by three?” If you gave one third to the medical doctor, he may or may not need it. If you gave a third to the missionary, they could probably need it because they never made much money in their profession. And if you gave it to the drug addict, he or she would probably kill themselves with drugs sooner.” So encourage your client to think about what the impact would be upon their children specifically.

Ron Blue encourages you to ask three questions. The first is ‘what would be the impact if you gave those resources to that child?’ The next question is ‘how serious is the impact?’ and the third question is ‘how likely is that to happen?’ These are serious questions and we need to help families think about the impact that their inheritance

can have on their heirs.

Another big question is, what is the best way to leave them an inheritance (Outright or in trust)? I work with another family, and the client has three boys; two of them are doing great, and one of them is an alcoholic. He said, “I can’t leave money outright to my alcoholic son because he may go through it in a year.” So he’s putting his money in trust. He will give it outright to the other two—they are in their 40’s. And he will make his two sons the trustees for the third. They will ensure he’s never without a meal or a place to live. Every family is unique, and the plan has to be crafted accordingly.

When is the best time to leave them an inheritance? Now or later? You might tell your clients, “Okay, you’re 65, and you could easily live 20 more years. That means your kids will not get any money for 20 years. When you’re 85, they’ll be 65. If you can afford it, give them money when they might need it most.” They may not need your money when they’re 65 but they probably could use it when they’re 20 or 30 or 40. So if you can afford to give them money, you should consider giving it to them now. This obviously all depends on the parents’ financial situation.

I also have clients who have given their children all the money they planned to give them. Since they don’t need to leave them any more money, the balance of their estate can go to charity at the end of their lives. More on that below.

Another question is, “How prepared are your children to receive an inheritance?” Here’s something I encourage when possible: If you are wondering whether they’re going to be good stewards or not, give them some money now and see what they do with it. It’s not a waste of money. You just bought yourself some wisdom. If you can afford it, try it out, then you’ll know. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to consider their responsibility level when you are deciding how much to give each of them. For some people, a lifechanging amount of money will cause significant harm. Try to find out these things while you’re still alive.

Business Legacy

It’s surprising how often business owners avoid planning for what will happen to their business when they pass on. When working with clients on this issue, I start by simply asking them to tell me about their business, then follow up with more detailed questions.

THE THREE CIRCLE MODEL: UNDERSTANDING FAMILY BUSINESS DYNAMICS

Business Family Ownership

The Three-Circle Model from Harvard Business School identifies the key components of a family business system:

• Family Circle: Anyone related by blood or marriage

• Business Circle: Operations, employees, and leadership

• Ownership Circle: Individuals or entities owning shares The overlapping areas create seven distinct positions:

• Family Only (1): A spouse not involved in the business

• Ownership Only (2): An investor not related to the family

• Business Only (3): An employee not in the family or ownership

• Family + Ownership (4): A family member who owns

shares but doesn’t work there

• Ownership + Business (5): A non-family employee with shares

• Family + Business (6): A family member who works there but doesn’t own shares

• Family + Business + Ownership (7): A family member who works there and owns shares

Understanding where each person fits in this model helps identify potential conflicts, clarify roles, and develop appropriate governance structures.

Key Questions to Understand the Business

I want to know the following:

• How and when did the business get started?

• How do you feel about your business today?

• Do you see this as a multi-generational business? If so, is the next generation prepared to lead it?

• What is your role today, and what was it formerly?

• How comfortable are you about your business continuity and succession plans?

• Do you have a strong leadership team in your business?

• Who would take over if you were temporarily disabled?

• What is the leadership structure like in your business?

• Have you given any thought to what a successful business legacy would look like?

• What would you like your legacy in the business to look like three years from now?

• What concerns you most about your business situation today?

• What do you see as the biggest obstacles or hurdles to

overcome in your family business for it to become all you think God wants it to be?

• Who is currently running the business?

Understanding how the business is doing today, who the leaders are, and who would take over if the client was disabled is all very important information. I ask if they have a business continuity plan or a succession plan in place and if everyone knows the plan. A business continuity plan addresses what happens if the client has an emergency (such as a car accident resulting in hospitalization for a month) - who will continue to run the company in their absence?

Long-Term Business Planning

I also inquire about their ultimate plans for the business:

• Will any of their heirs want to be involved in the business?

• How is the business affecting their employees, customers, vendors, etc.?

Cautionary Tales: Legacy By Default

One of my clients had a brother who was his business partner. Their father, who started the business, gave it to his two sons and other assets to his daughter. The brother was single, never married, had no children, and didn’t think much about planning despite owning 49% of a very large business. He thought he was in good health, but at age 59, he had a massive heart attack and died without a will.

According to Georgia state law, his estate was split 50/50 between his two siblings - my client and his sister. This meant the 49% of the business he owned had to be divided between them, undermining their father’s original plan to give the business only to his sons. Additionally, it cost my client millions of dollars to buy his sister out of the business.

Another case involves an 83-year-old man worth $80 million, including a business valued at $65 million. He has employees

THE FIVE AREAS OF LEGACY

running the business, but when he dies, the business and other assets will go to his wife and then to his two children. The children will inherit $30 million each while the government will collect $20 million in taxes. Yet he says he’s not ready to do any planning. His children aren’t prepared to handle $30 million wisely, and his wife knows little about his business. This most likely will become a disaster to his family.

These are examples of “Legacy By Default” that only create problems and significant estate taxes for heirs.

Creating an Intentional Legacy

Once we get answers to these questions, I want to know what clients would like to do to improve their business legacy. What would they like to be known for from a business standpoint?

Additional questions include:

• Are there any persons outside of your immediate family that you would like to influence through your business?

• If so, who are they, and how would you like to influence them?

Possible Business Leadership Legacies

A business leader might aspire to be known for:

• Viewing business as a stewardship from God

• Establishing strong company values

• Being a hard worker

• Having a reputation as a good employer

• Being a caring owner

• Treating people fairly

• Practicing generosity

Charitable Legacy

The last legacy to discuss with the family is their Charitable or Kingdom Legacy. The first question to ask here “Is charitable giving included in their estate plan? We’ve talked about leaving money to the kids, but what about the money they want to leave to charity? The first question to ask is, “What are your current giving practices?” All of my clients eventually give away more money currently and at the end of life because they met me. After all, we talk about it. I ask them questions, and I don’t stop asking. But also, they give away more after their death because I talked to them about that, too. You can’t be afraid to challenge them.

TALE OF TWO LEGACIES: EDWARDS VS. JUKES

JONATHAN EDWARDS LEGACY

TIMEFRAME

NOTABLE DESCENDANTS

IMPACT

150 years after death

• 1 U.S. Vice-President

• 3 U.S. Senators

• 3 governors

• 3 mayors

• 13 college presidents

• 30 judges

• 65 professors

• 80 public office holders

• 100 lawyers

• 100 missionaries

Positive societal contributions

MAX JUKES LEGACY

Several generations

• 7 murderers

• 60 thieves

• 50 women of debauchery

• 130 other convicts

• 310 paupers

• 400 physically wrecked by indulgent living

Cost state $1,250,000 ($33 million in today's dollars)

These contrasting legacies powerfully demonstrate how a parent’s influence can profoundly affect generations to come—legacy by design versus legacy by default.

I work with a family that has four children. Their estate was divided evenly among their four children. When we were together I asked them if they had any desire to leave any money to charity upon their deaths. They said they were open to it, but were not ready to make a decision yet. They are giving currently and didn’t plan to leave anything at the end of life. I suggested to them that they consider adding charity as a fifth child. If they had five children, they would be dividing their estate by five, so why not include charity as another child. The first time I brought this up to them they said they were not sure. (Their estate was $50 million so that would be leaving $10 million to charity.)

Six months later, I brought it up again. They were a little more open to it at that time, but still not ready to move forward. It took them eighteen months to say yes, but they finally decided to name charity as a fifth child. If I had asked her, “Would you like to leave $10 million to charity?’” She’d have said, “Oh, no way. That’s a lot of money.” But when you put it in the context of leaving that to the fifth child, it makes it easier for them to say yes.

We went to their attorney and he produced a codicil for that gift to be made. They made the gift to their Donor Advised Fund (DAF) and not to specific charities. At the time, they didn’t know which charities they would want to leave that amount to, so naming the DAF bought them some time.

By the way, I always recommend that people name their donor advised fund, or their private foundation as their charitable recipient rather than name specific charities. With most DAFs you can easily name the charities and change them if necessary if you change your mind on the charities you want to support. If you put the charity’s name in your legal documents, you will need to go back to your attorney to make a change. And if you don’t, that money will go to that charity even if the charity no longer

promotes Biblical values.

So ask them:

• Is there any charitable giving in your estate plan?

• Have you ever considered adding charity as another child?

• What do you want to do for the Kingdom, both during your life and at the end of your life?

• If you leave money to charity at the end of life, are your children the ones to give it away, and are they trained and prepared for such a task?

Possible Things to be Known For: People want to be known for something. In the charitable area wouldn’t it be wonderful if when people thought of you or your clients they could say, the were generous with their stuff, generous with their money, generous to the poor and needy, and they had a heart for building God’s Kingdom.

All these things are important, and all of them are important to share with the whole family before you die. Help your clients. Encourage them to do this work and facilitate it for them. It’ll make a tremendous difference.

A multi-generational approach to legacy coaching will help inform your client about how they would like to improve their family legacy and prioritize how they would like to be remembered in it. Once you have helped them articulate these things, you will be able to help them achieve them. Remember, Legacy By Design, not Legacy By Default!

5 Questions for Advisors

1. Which area of legacy planning do you find most challenging, and why?

2. How do you balance each area in your work with your client?

3. How do you approach conversations about personal and spiritual legacy with clients with varying beliefs or values?

4. How do you advise clients to balance treating heirs equally versus equitably when planning financial inheritance?

5. How do you challenge clients to think deeply about charitable giving without overstepping or creating discomfort?

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 6 STAGE 1 –THE GOALS CONVERSATION

What is

Legacy?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• The purpose and importance of the goals conversation

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Tips for a successful goals conversation: Understanding vs. agreement

• Biblical principles of communication in legacy coaching

In this chapter, we’ll talk about the goals conversation. The goals conversation is the most important part of all legacy planning. It is the key to helping the client to clearly understand what they want to do with what they have. Asking thoughtful questions

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

and listening attentively will help you understand what the client wants to do with what they have been entrusted with. This is also an excellent place for you to build a relationship with both the husband and the wife. People love to talk about themselves and you’ll give them much opportunity to do that. Your purpose in the conversation is to get to know their family goals, objectives, needs, and challenges.

Understanding, Not Agreement

The purpose of the goals conversation is understanding, not agreement. It is an important distinction, because my agenda here is to just try to connect. Agreement is transactional. This is not transactional. It’s relational. You’re there, and you’re not trying to get anybody to agree to anything. In many cases, you’re trying to monitor a conversation between the husband and the wife because the husband and the wife may not be on the same page. It is not unusual for that to be the case. But you want to notice and then bring out the differences.

So, if the wife is passive, you want to point many of your questions directly to her. You want to know what she thinks because she’s thinking something. She may sit there quietly, but her brain is running, and you want to get it out on the table. If you’re trying to bring the husband and wife together, and he’s doing all the talking and she’s just sitting there, you’re not conversing with them; you’re conversing with him.

And he’s probably not the right guy. The person who probably has a better understanding of where the family is is generally the wife and mother because, generally, the mother lives with the kids while the husband works. That’s not in every case, but many. Make sure that you’re getting to understand what they both are thinking.

Creating the Right Environment

The setting for your goals conversation matters significantly. Consider these factors:

• Location: Meet in a place where clients feel comfortable and secure. This could be their home, your office, or a neutral location depending on their preference.

• Timing: Allow ample time – at least three to four hours. Rushed conversations rarely reveal deep insights.

• Eliminating distractions: Request phones be silenced, children are cared for, and ensure you won’t be interrupted.

• Preparation: Don’t send questions in advance. You want their immediate response.

• Inclusion: Make sure all relevant decision-makers are present. For most couples, this means both spouses.

Remember, the physical and emotional environment you create sets the tone for the depth of sharing that will occur.

Three Keys to Communication

According to a good friend of mine, there are three keys to communication. These are to:

• be direct,

• be truthful,

• and be respectful.

Being direct means asking clear, straightforward questions without dancing around sensitive topics. Being truthful requires both honesty in your own statements and creating a space where clients feel safe to be honest themselves. Being respectful means acknowledging that each family’s values and goals are valid, even when they differ from your own perspective.

As you employ these communication principles, remember that your role is to draw out the client’s thoughts and desires, not to impose your own ideas on their legacy planning. Proverbs 20:5 tells us, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

Avoiding Triangulation

You must watch out for triangulation. I have a hard time with that word, but basically, it means that if mom’s having a conversation with her son and it’s not going well, he’ll go and get his sister and try to win her over to his side. So now it’s a triangle, the three of them talking. You want to avoid that if at all possible. And if somebody has a problem with someone else, you want them to go to the person they have the problem with, not to go get another fan on their side before they go to the third person.

According to psychologist and leadership expert Edwin Friedman, emotional triangles “are the building blocks of any relationship…” (p.218 A Failure of Nerve 10th Anniversary Edition)

“…They require a different level of inquiry, and they provide different criteria for what information is important…No matter who the people are or what the context, emotional triangles adhere to the following rules:

• They form out of the discomfort of people with one another.

• They function to preserve themselves and, perversely, oppose all intentions to change them.

• They interlock in a reciprocally self-reinforcing manner

• They make it difficult for people to modify their thinking and behavior.

• They transmit a system’s stress to its most responsible or most focused member. (p.219)

To put it more plainly, emotional triangles form when people feel uncomfortable with each other for one reason or another. Once they form, they work to keep things the same, even if people want to change them, and they connect in ways that keep each part of the triangle working together, reinforcing the same patterns. Emotional triangles make it harder for people to change how they think or act, and then the stress in the group often falls on the person who is the most responsible or most focused. So be careful

not to end up as the third side of an emotional triangle. Beat it by insisting the other two parties talk to each other. If one of them is not talking, address them directly and keep it all out in the open.

The Biggest Problem with Communication

George Bernard Shaw says, “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Anthony Pica says, “The biggest communication problem is that we listen to reply, not to understand.” How often have you had a conversation with your spouse but find you’re just listening so that you can reply when it’s your turn? The first thing you must do is make sure you’re listening. As your clients are talking, make sure they are listening to each other. Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” Remember, for our part, we are only seeking to understand. Helping them understand one another is a significant first step toward a unified plan.

Structuring Your Questions

When conducting the goals conversation, it helps to have a deliberate structure to your questioning. As outlined in Chapter 4, you’ll want to cover all five legacy areas, but the way you approach these topics can make all the difference.

Opening with Vision Questions

Begin with broad, forward-looking questions that help clients articulate their vision:

One great way to engage your clients is with the three-year question. It says, “If we were to meet three years from today, looking back over your life from now until then in any area, what must have happened by then for you to feel good about your progress?” Then, I just listen and write down whatever they say. I take lots of notes in my meetings. Then, I ask the spouse the same question.

Next, I go to the lifetime satisfaction question. “If you’re standing

before the Lord at the end of your life, looking back over your life from then until today, what must have happened for you to feel good about your life and to feel confident that you would hear, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant’ (Matt 25:21) from our Heavenly Father?” I write these comments down.

These opening questions set the tone and help clients think beyond immediate concerns to their deeper desires for legacy.

Transitioning Through Legacy Areas

Once you’ve established this broader context, transition systematically through the five legacy areas we covered in Chapter 4. Rather than jumping randomly between topics, guide the conversation deliberately:

1. Begin with Personal Legacy questions, which help establish individual values and spiritual priorities.

2. Move to Family Legacy, building on personal values to understand family dynamics and hopes.

3. Progress to Financial Legacy, which naturally flows from family considerations.

4. If applicable, address Business Legacy questions.

5. Conclude with Charitable Legacy, which often integrates aspects from all previous areas.

This sequence creates a natural flow from the deeply personal to the broader impact they hope to have on the world.

Balancing Participation

One of the most critical skills in facilitating a goals conversation is ensuring balanced participation. Here are strategies to achieve this:

When One Spouse Dominates

If one spouse (often the husband in traditional arrangements) dominates the conversation:

• Deliberately direct questions to the quieter spouse: “Susan, I’d like to hear your thoughts on this...”

• Acknowledge contributions from both: “Thank you, John. Now Susan, how do you see this?”

• Observe body language for signs of disagreement or hesitation from the quieter spouse.

When Clients Struggle to Articulate Goals

Some clients find it difficult to articulate what they want. In these cases:

• Try different phrasings of similar questions

• Use examples (without leading them to specific answers)

• Ask about what they don’t want, which sometimes helps clarify what they do want

Documenting Responses

Taking thorough notes during the goals conversation is essential. I recommend:

• Writing down direct quotes when possible

• Noting areas of agreement and disagreement between spouses

• Recording non-verbal responses and emotional reactions

• Summarizing key points back to clients to ensure accuracy

As a legacy coach, you’ll use these notes to draft a comprehensive goals memo that will guide all future planning.

Handling Common Challenges

When Spouses Disagree

Disagreement between spouses isn’t necessarily negative—it reveals important differences that need addressing. When this occurs:

• Acknowledge both perspectives without taking sides

• Identify the underlying values behind each position

• Look for common ground while respecting differences

• Avoid pressuring for immediate resolution; sometimes differences need time

When Sensitive Family Issues Arise

The goals conversation often uncovers sensitive family dynamics— strained relationships, concerns about children’s capabilities, or past conflicts. When this happens:

• Create a safe space for honest discussion

• Affirm that addressing these issues is part of responsible legacy planning

• Respect boundaries if clients aren’t ready to discuss certain topics

• Be prepared to recommend family counseling when appropriate

As you lead clients through these sometimes challenging conversations, remember that you’re helping them articulate what matters most to them. The questions introduced in Chapter 4 provide the content framework, while the approach described here gives you the process to make those questions most effective.

Another question I ask everyone is, “What are your three greatest concerns about your life today?” That’s a great question to ask anybody, even if it’s your first question. What are your three most significant concerns about your life today if you’re just meeting with somebody? And what would bring you the greatest relief if it were solved today?

Often, when you do goal setting with most people and ask them what their three most important financial goals are, it’ll come right out of their mouth without even thinking: “We want to get out of debt.” “We want to move.” “We want to move closer to our grandkids.” They may not be written down anywhere, but they’re up there in somebody’s head. So the whole purpose of the goal

conversation is for you to learn what these people really want to do to get clarity around what they want in these five areas.

Moving Forward

After conducting a thorough goals conversation using the questions outlined in Chapter 4, you’ll have gathered substantial information about your clients’ desires across all five legacy areas. This creates the foundation for all subsequent planning. Your next step will be to conduct the FAMILY Review, which we’ll cover in the next chapter.

Remember, at these early stages, we are primarily listening and assessing to better understand how we can be helpful to our clients. The goals conversation isn’t about providing solutions—it’s about deeply understanding what matters most to your clients so that future solutions can be properly aligned with their values and objectives.

5 Questions for Legacy Advisors

1. What is the primary purpose of the goals conversation, and why is it essential to prioritize understanding over agreement?

2. How can advisors apply the three keys to communication (directness, truthfulness, and respect) during the goals conversation?

3. What biblical communication principles are most relevant to the goals conversation, and how can advisors use them to guide client discussions?

4. How can advisors ensure both spouses or all family members are equally heard during the goals conversation?

5. How do emotional triangles impact family dynamics during legacy planning, and what steps can advisors take to avoid becoming a part of these triangles?

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 7 STAGE 1 F.A.M.I.L.Y. REVIEW

What is Legacy?

Understanding the F.A.M.I.L.Y. review:

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• Financial Statements - Includes balance sheets, income statements, and net worth overview.

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Assets Under Management - Investments, retirement accounts, business interests, and property.

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Mandatory Documents - Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and other legal documents.

• Insurance Coverage - Life, long-term care, disability, and liability protections.

• Liabilities & Taxes - Outstanding debts, tax returns, and potential estate tax exposure.

• Yearly Cash Flow - Income sources, budgeting, and spending patterns.

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

The purpose of the FAMILY review is to help you get a clear understanding of their current situation. Now that you have finished the Goals Conversation, it’s time to dig more deeply into the financial situation with the FAMILY Review. For some of you, depending on your level of experience in accounting, tax, estate, and financial issues, this will be an easy review.

Let’s look at each component of the FAMILY Review more closely.

F - Financial Statement

The financial statement or net worth statement will give you a clear idea of what the client owns and owes. It is a summary of all that they have. It will show you how much cash, liquid investments, securities, retirement accounts, real estate, business assets, personal assets and anything else they might own. Along with that it is important to understand the ownership structure: Who owns the asset? Is it owned jointly by the couple? Is it owned by the husband? Is it owned by the wife? Is it a partnership? If it is a company, how much of the company do they own? Are there other shareholders or partners?

And then what is the value of the assets? In some cases, you might want to know the cost basis, but that’s generally not important in the beginning.

A - Assets Under Management

I don’t want to see their investment statements in detail; I just want to know how much money they have. If they’ve got money in Schwab, their local bank or some other company, how much do they have? I’m just looking for the big picture.

One thing that is important is to learn how to obtain this information from the client in a way that is easiest for your client. Ask them what they think would be best. They can send it to you if they have it, but if not, they need to connect you to their attorney, CPA, and other key people. I often have my client send an email to their other advisors, giving them permission to pass on information to me.

If he or she already has a net worth statement, then that’s really all I need. Again, all I’m trying to do is get the big picture. How much are they really worth? And do they have a taxable estate? Most of my clients do have a taxable estate, but I want to know how taxable it’s going to be because that’s money I could save them.

M - Mandatory Documents

What are the five most important, most common documents a client might have? They have:

• Estate planning documents such as a Will, maybe a Revocable Living Trust

• Trust documents such as an irrevocable life insurance trust or an educational trust

• Business documents, which could be anything from a shareholders’ agreement to an LLC agreement, a Buy/Sell Agreement

• Partnership Agreements

• Other documents; some have prenups

When you look at the assets, you want to understand what happens to this asset if the person is not here anymore. So that’s why you want to read all their documents. If it is a shareholder agreement and there are other shareholders, what happens when one of the three D’s happen (Disability, Divorce, or Death). What happens to his shares or her shares? All those things are important.

Then when it comes to Estate documents, I usually try to create a Legal Document Summary form. I prepare one of these for every legal document. I want to know the name of the document, the date of the document, who’s the grantor, who the guardians are if applicable, who the executors are, who the trustees are, who are the successors, who’s the beneficiary, the primary and secondary. I want to know if there’s any charitable giving in there. I want to know the distribution plan. Does it go outright or in trust? Here’s what it includes.

Legal Document Analysis Form

Here’s what it includes:

• Name of Document:

• Date of Document:

• Grantor:

• Guardians:

• Executor/Personal Representative:

• The Successor:

• Trustee:

• Successor Trustee:

• Beneficiary Primary

• Secondary

• Charity

• Distribution Plan (Outright?, in trust?, over time?, age limitations?)

• Amount of distribution:

• If no survivors:

• Financial Power of Attorney:

• Healthcare Power of Attorney: When it comes to trusts, I want to know if it is revocable. Is it a grantor trust? Is it an ESBT (electing small business trust) or QSST (Qualified Subchapter S Trust)? Is it a dynasty trust? Dynasty means it goes from one generation to the next. In Georgia, you can actually create a 360-year dynasty trust. In Alabama, you can only do probably a hundred years. And then that has to do with the rule against perpetuities. Every state is a little bit different. Many people set up trusts in Delaware just because Delaware has the most liberal (in the good sense) laws as far as what you can do with trusts in that jurisdiction. So just because you live in Georgia, you don’t have to have a Georgia Trust. You could have your trust domiciled in another state.

What about distribution? Do the assets get distributed at different ages (30, 35, and 40)? Is the trust Dynastic (with the assets staying in the trust and only the income being distributed to the heirs). If all the family were deceased and there are no survivors, how are the assets distributed? Do they have a financial power of attorney and a healthcare power of attorney? If you fill out the form in the appendix, it will just about cover the whole estate situation.

If you get into this space, you’re going to get used to reading legal documents. There’s nothing more boring than a legal document. And one of my lawyer friends said, “In law school, they teach us how to write things so that no one can understand them but other lawyers.” I don’t know if that’s true, but I think I believe him!

I - Insurance Coverage

The next thing I want to know is how much and what kind of life insurance coverage the family has? I have a form to complete to record this information. I also want to check when reviewing insurance information whether the policy is inside or outside the estate. If it’s inside the estate, it will be counted as part of the client’s estate. If it’s outside, it won’t be included. This is where Irrevocable Life Insurance Trusts often are used.

L - Liabilities & Taxes

Here is where I want to look at all of their income tax returns. Income tax returns can tell you a lot about a family’s financial situation. I generally want to see their personal federal returns. I don’t generally look at the state income tax returns, because you’ll learn a lot about any businesses they own from the federal return. I’ll find any other things that might not be in the net worth statement because all the income flows through the personal tax returns.

I want to see the corporate tax returns, partnership returns, trust returns, if they have them. I want to see gift tax returns and estate tax returns if there are any. Estate tax returns are less important here, but they are not completely unimportant. I’ve had clients who

have died and their estate tax return is important because it puts a value on the assets that were reported to the federal government.

What should I look for on a personal tax return? First, I want to determine whether the client overpaid or underpaid their taxes. Overpayments or penalties from underpayments often indicate bad tax planning advice. This could result from not receiving proper guidance to accurately project their tax liability. Additionally, I assess whether any proactive tax planning is being done by the clients tax professional. It’s also important to consider the approach of their CPA: are they a strategic planner, or do they simply focus on preparing the return? Understanding these aspects can provide valuable insights.

Then look at the gift tax return if they have filed any. You need this to determine what if any of their lifetime gift and estate tax exemption has been used, if they have made gifts in the past, and also how much they would still have available as a remaining lifetime exemption. You will want to know what amount of their lifetime exemption was used, especially if it’s the spouse’s. And then what amount, if any, is portable to the surviving spouse?

Y - Yearly Cash Flow

Lastly, I look at annual cash flow. I want to get a clear idea of the client’s annual cash flow, so I usually ask about their living expenses. People almost always underestimate how much they spend every year.. They might say, “We spend about $30,000 a month,” but that’s just a guess. And guesses are usually wrong—often on the low side. No one likes to admit how much they’re actually spending.

I remember asking one client how much he spent on his lifestyle. He said, “Probably around a million dollars a year.” I thought, “Wow, how could anyone spend a million dollars a year?” For me and my wife, spending that much would be a real challenge. Sure, I could give a lot away, but just for living expenses? It’d take real effort. But for some people, it’s not hard at all.

At some point in the process, I usually show the client the “Five

Uses of Money” slide.This slide shows you that there are only five things you can do with your money. You can

1. Give it away

2. Pay for Living Expenses

3. Pay Taxes

4. Make Debt Repayments

5. Save and invest

I also try to explain the five money management principles I learned from Ron Blue and through Kingdom Advisors. These are:

1. Spend less than you earn over a long period of time

2. Avoid the use of debt

3. Build cash flow reserves

4. Set long-term goals

5. Remember that God owns it all

The FAMILY Review is really the foundation of their financial plan. Once you can analyze their financial situation, you can come up with many recommendations that can improve their situation. That will be covered in the Goals and Gaps Analysis covered in Chapter 7.

There are a lot of tools you can use in this section, including forms you can adapt to create your own. For example, when I want to know what someone’s will says, I don’t necessarily need to read the entire document. The legal document analysis tool will summarize everything for me. If you’re going to read the document, make sure you answer all the key questions. That’s all you really need to know about it. The will might be 30 or 100 pages long, but answering these key questions will give you all the important details.

Once you have completed the FAMILY Review, you’re ready for the next step, performing a Goals and Gaps Analysis. I’ll cover this in the next chapter.

5 Questions for Advisors:

1. How do you ensure a comprehensive review of your client’s legacy plan?

2. What are the most common gaps you find in the FAMILY review?

3. What steps do you take to clarify ownership structures for assets and businesses, and how do you address potential complications in shared or joint ownership?

4. How do you evaluate the adequacy of a client’s current insurance coverage in relation to their estate and overall financial goals?

5. What strategies do you use to help clients accurately project their living expenses and address any discrepancies in cash flow assumptions?

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 1

STAGE 1 – GOALS & GAPS ANALYSIS

What is Legacy?

• Analyzing family legacy goals and identifying gaps

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Steps to delivering a legacy review: Net worth, estate tax liability, verbal gaps, a picture of the alternatives, and recommendations

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Pictorial review of existing plans

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

Now that we’ve thoroughly reviewed the client’s current legacy plan through the FAMILY Review, it’s time to perform the Goals and Gaps Analysis. The purpose of this analysis is twofold. First, it allows us to compare the client’s existing plan with the goals they shared during the goals conversation. We’re looking to see if their plan aligns with their intentions or if there are gaps that need addressing. If everything aligns perfectly, then they may not need your help at all.

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Second, the analysis sets the stage for engaging the client in the next steps. By the end of this process, you’ll have identified the gaps in their current plan, and you’ll say: “To help you address these issues, this is what it’s going to cost.” At that point, you’ll present your fee for Stage Two.

Clients will either agree to move forward or decide not to proceed. In most cases, they’ll say yes because they recognize the gaps and know they don’t have anyone else to help them. That’s when you quote the fee for the next steps in delivering a solution.

Often, because clients haven’t seen this kind of comprehensive review before, I start by walking them through their current net worth and ownership structure. I typically break it down by husband, wife, and total. I also review their potential estate tax liability, if applicable.

For example, if they’re facing a $25 million estate tax bill, that number tends to hit hard—and it should. You want them to feel the weight of it because it positions you as the solution to their problem. I like to say it makes them view you as “the Alka-Seltzer to get rid of their heartburn.”

Once I’ve reviewed the numbers, I move on to my detailed observations and pictorial representations of their existing plan.

Here’s an example:

In one case, if the client had passed away in 2019 under their current plan, their $90 million estate would have been distributed as follows:

• $32 million to their son

• $32 million to their daughter

• $25 million to the government

After reviewing this with the client, we discussed an alternative plan. Under the alternative, the family would still receive the $27 million lifetime exemption, split between the son and daughter,

but the rest would go to charity. When I presented this to the client, they said, “That looks good to me. Let’s work toward the alternative plan.”

So, we made the changes. At the time, $13 million was transferred, and by now (2023), that amount has grown to $25 million. The remainder will go to charity at the end of life.

During this process, we always return to the goals expressed in the Goals Conversation. For instance, this is what Mary said:

• She wants to see her children and grandchildren thrive in life.

• She hopes for a close relationship with her family and spiritual growth among her kids.

• She wants her extended family to experience healthy relationships and unity.

• She also desires a shared ministry with her husband while continuing to support him as he leads the company.

These aren’t measurable goals—they’re aspirational. But they’re meaningful, and they set the tone for their legacy planning. Notice here there are no financial goal aspirations. I often say that legacy is not all about the money.

Joe, on the other hand, expressed more specific goals:

• He wanted to eventually own 100% of his company, which he had been co-owning with his brother.

• He sought clarity and control in business matters, especially after a complicated family situation.

Here’s what happened in Joe’s case: His father, the first generation (G1), gave the business to Joe and his brother, splitting it 51/49 in Joe’s favor. A year later, the father passed away, leaving that arrangement intact. However, tragedy struck when Joe’s brother suffered a massive heart attack and died without a will.

This lack of a will meant that the brother’s 49% share of the

company now had to be split between Joe and their sister. This wasn’t the father’s intention—he had planned for the two brothers to inherit the business and left other assets to the daughter. But because of poor planning on the brother’s part, the ownership structure became unnecessarily complicated.

The laws of intestacy required that the brother’s 49% share of the company be split between Joe and their sister. This meant my client had to buy back that 49% from his brother’s estate—a transaction worth about $25 million. It was an expensive and unnecessary complication caused by the lack of a will.

When I met with Joe, his brother had already passed, but his goal was clear: he wanted to own 100% of the company. He knew he’d have to buy back the 49% to achieve that, but he was determined to gain full ownership. His primary motivation was clarity—clarity on how to manage the business moving forward and clarity on how much to leave to his kids and to charity at the end of his life.

We’re still working together to define how much is “enough” for him and his family for the rest of their lives, but that process is ongoing.

Here’s his philosophy: we need to figure out how much my wife and I will need to live on for the rest of our lives. Once we determine that number, we’re going to double it—and that’s how much we’re going to set aside.

When we talk about raw numbers, that includes everything—even the cost of NetJets to fly their daughter here and there. I mean, depending on your lifestyle, these things can get pretty expensive. As part of his estate planning, we’ve already had those conversations during family meetings.

His goals include slowing down at age 65 and eventually planning for retirement, clarifying how to handle the assets in the family foundation, and involving their kids in their giving plans. His father had set up a family foundation with about $4 million in it at the time, but he ultimately decided to give the foundation to his

sister because he didn’t want to manage his father’s money.

Other goals include maintaining good health, visiting the Holy Land within the next two years, and ensuring their kids are part of their legacy discussions.

The Gap

The current plan fell short of the goals we identified in the goals conversation. His estate planning gaps were significant, and his current and proposed documents were not aligned with his stated objectives.

For example, his current estate plan left everything to his wife and then to his two children after her death. Under this setup, each child would inherit over $32 million after estate taxes. Additionally, his estate plan left the family subject to an estimated $25 million or more in estate taxes by the time both he and his wife passed. On top of that, his daughter would face an additional $4 million in estate taxes upon her own death due to her taxable inheritance.

Some of his life insurance policies were included in his estate, unnecessarily increasing the tax burden. To address this, we moved all his life insurance into an irrevocable life insurance trust (ILIT), effectively removing it from his estate. Up until 2019, he had been using his annual gift exclusion ($15,000 at the time, now $19,000) to pay premiums on three policies. He already had some insurance in an irrevocable trust but also owned numerous other policies. He had a great insurance agent who had sold him plenty of coverage— he recently purchased an additional $60 million worth, including a $4.2 million policy in January with $240,000 in premiums. For these, we needed to file gift tax returns.

His estate plan also left nothing to charity at the end of life, and it lacked language about his faith and his desire for his descendants. Additionally, it did not take advantage of a disclaimer-funded donor-advised fund, which could have eliminated estate taxes for both him and his children after the second death.

To explain, a disclaimer-funded donor-advised fund works like this: if any heir disclaims their inheritance, the disclaimed amount goes into a donor-advised fund, making it a charitable bequest from the estate. Many clients don’t even know this is an option, but it’s a powerful tool for reducing taxes while leaving a legacy of giving.

We fixed these gaps. We ensured he used his maximum estate and gift tax exemption before it expired, gifting away an additional $5 million in exemptions by the end of the year.

Next, we addressed his revocable trust. Any out-of-state assets, like his lake house in Alabama, were transferred into his wife’s revocable living trust to avoid probate in that state. Additionally, because his wife wasn’t familiar with running the business, we created an advisory group to assist her with business decisions in the event of his death.

His plan also named a Christian Donor Advised Fund (DAF) Foundation as the most contingent recipient if no family members were living. However, it lacked instructions to the DAF on how he wanted the money to be used.

Finally, his clarity and communication gaps were evident. It was important for him to codify and communicate his values to his children, but this had not been done. We worked on creating a plan to ensure his family not only understood his values but could carry them forward as part of his legacy.

In short, there were significant gaps in his plan, but through careful adjustments and strategy, we were able to address them and align his estate plan with his goals.

There were some other issues that were nonfinancial. For instance, Mary has a family issue, and so we recommended a counseling service for that. Remember that we work with a spirit of collaboration?

The wealth transfer gap basically comes down to this: under his current plan, his kids would each inherit $32 million, but the estate would face a $25 million tax bill. He didn’t like either of

those outcomes—and honestly, he hadn’t even thought about them before.

Then there’s the wisdom transfer gap. We discussed addressing this by organizing family meetings to help their kids understand the family legacy and their values.

On the family legacy side, he funds the capital needs of his business through what he calls a CMA account. Instead of the company borrowing from the bank, he puts his own money back into the business to meet its capital needs. I told him, “You need to move some of that money out of the company and into your personal accounts so it’s protected and working for you outside the business.”

We also talked about tax projections and charitable alternatives. Since he’s in the highest tax bracket—37% federally, plus an additional 6% in Georgia for a total of 43%—he could benefit from using charitable strategies to reduce his tax burden.

Most people don’t realize that the government essentially has a “matching gift” program for charitable contributions. Here’s how it works: if you’re in the highest tax bracket and you donate $1, the government gives you a tax deduction, effectively reducing your taxes by 43 cents. That means it only costs you 57 cents to give away $1. People often don’t think of it that way, but it’s an important incentive to consider when planning charitable giving.

We also talked about his E-Trade account and moved on to discuss his business succession planning. At the time, he didn’t have a business continuity or succession plan in place, so we worked on addressing those gaps.

Now, he has a clear business succession plan, and we’re creating an advisory team to support the transition. Part of the solution involved splitting his company into voting and non-voting shares. This approach is often useful because it allows him to transfer a significant portion of the company’s value out of his estate by gifting non-voting shares while still maintaining control through the voting shares.

Under Business Legacy, I also applaud what he’s doing to pass on his spiritual values to the next generation of company leaders. One example of this is his use of The Man in the Mirror, a book written by Patrick Morley 25 years ago. It’s a powerful book for men that delves into sin issues, like neglecting your family or your wife, and challenges men to reflect on their faith and priorities.

This client took the leadership team at his company—many of whom are not Christians—through the book. The impact was significant. His CFO, for example, shared that he had been a “cultural Christian”—attending church but not truly alive in his faith. After going through the book, he became a committed believer.

This was the client’s way of training and preparing his leadership team for the future, not just in business skills but also in values. It’s part of his broader vision for transferring leadership down the road while ensuring the company is built on a strong spiritual foundation.

Under charitable giving, we noted that his sister is currently the only trustee of the family foundation. I suggested he consider setting up a donor-advised fund, which we discussed in detail. Additionally, we talked about maximizing his charitable contributions up to the 60% AGI limit. This year, he plans to hit the 50% limit by strategically combining different types of gifts.

For instance, he sold part of his company to his kids’ trusts, so now he holds notes as part of the transaction. We plan to donate those notes to his donor-advised fund, which will qualify for a 30% deduction. To reach the 50% mark, he’ll supplement that with cash gifts.

This is a remarkable transformation for someone who had never made a seven-figure gift before. Last year, he gave away $15 million. This year, by the end of December, he’s likely to give close to $30 million.

This is the Fun Part

All I do is present the options: “Here’s what you can do.” And then they agree, “Okay, let’s do it.” This process is enjoyable—it’s fun. Why do I do this? Because it’s rewarding to help families experience the joy that comes from making these kinds of decisions.

For example, this client now has $15 million sitting in his private foundation, and we’re adding another $30 million in DAF’s (Donor Advised Funds) before the end of the year. The challenge now is finding meaningful places to give it away. I often remind people: “When you put money into a donor-advised fund or a private foundation, you haven’t actually given it away yet. You’ve just moved it from one pocket to another. It hasn’t done God’s work any good until it’s out the door.” Many DAF organizations have billions sitting in funds, but that money needs to be put to work to make an impact.

That’s what the Goals and Gaps Analysis looks like. This client needed my help, and he recognized it. He saw he was going to owe a huge amount to the government in estate taxes, and he realized his kids were set to inherit far more money than he wanted them to. On top of that, there were countless small issues in his plan that needed fixing. Over the years, we’ve worked together to address those gaps.

At the start of the year, I told him, “Your situation is getting more and more complex. You need a family office.” His response? “You’re my family office.” And he’s not wrong—I know more about his family, his financial and business situation and his estate planning situation than anyone else. This is the privileged space that you are able to enter to serve a family.

The best part about working with him is his heart. He has a real passion for the kingdom and for ministry. He’s doing incredible things both inside his business and outside of it, and it’s a privilege to help him channel his resources to make a meaningful impact.

In summary, the most important thing we do for families is open

their eyes. This client, like many others, didn’t fully understand his situation at first. He knew he probably had an estate tax problem, but he didn’t realize the extent of it. He didn’t know how much his kids would inherit, and when he saw the numbers, he knew it wasn’t what he wanted.

What we do is simple: we help them clarify what they want to do and guide them in making it happen. That’s the heart of this work—helping people align their resources with their values and their vision for the future.

I’ve been working with this gentleman and his family for almost six years now. Four years ago, he decided to set up a private foundation. That was his plan at that time. But now, he’s had a change of heart. He told me, “I know my son and daughter are not on the same page spiritually. If we set up a foundation where they have to work together to give money away, it’s going to create conflict and could destroy the family.”

So now, he wants to dismantle the foundation during his life and have most of his charitable giving go through his DAF’s at the end of his life. His plan is to divide the funds—some to his son, some to his daughter, but a majority to a DAF that will be led by an Advisory Board that will oversee his giving.

This is the kind of thing people wrestle with—these are real conversations, real struggles. And often, they change their minds along the way. That’s why I tell folks from the very beginning: “We’re going to try to create a plan that gets you 60 or 70% of the way to where you want to be. It may not be perfect. Three years from now, we’ll revisit it, and maybe we can get it to 80%. It might never reach 100%, but I can promise you this—it’ll be 80% better than where it is today.”

That’s the process. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. Helping your clients identify the gaps between their goals and the current reality of their progress towards those goals will provide a tremendous value to multiple generations.

The Life Changing Picture - The Family Legacy Review Summary

When we deliver goals and gaps presentations to clients, most recommendations are communicated through words - explaining what they should do to align their plan with their goals. But as the expression goes, “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

After explaining numerous strategies to help this husband and wife align their plan with their goals, we presented one final, powerful visual. For this family with $77 million in assets including a business, we showed two simple columns side by side:

Current Plan:

• Children: $19 million each (to three children)

• Government: $19 million

• Charity: $0

Alternative Plan:

• Children: $9 million each (to three children)

• Government: $0

• Charity: $49 million

As the husband studied this visual comparison, he emphatically pointed to the Alternative Plan column and exclaimed, “I want THAT plan!”

We’re now implementing this approach for them. It was incredibly rewarding to witness his immediate response to seeing the stark contrast between what was and what could be - all captured in a single, powerful image.

Please see an example of a Goals and Gaps Analysis and Family Legacy Review Summary in the Appendix to the book

5 Questions for Advisors

1. Identifying Goals and Gaps: How do you ensure that a client’s stated legacy goals align with their current estate plan? What strategies can you use to effectively identify and communicate the gaps between their intentions and their existing plan?

2. Navigating Family Dynamics: In cases where family relationships or differing values complicate legacy planning, such as the example of the private foundation, how can advisors guide clients to create solutions that preserve family unity while honoring their goals?

3. Presenting Recommendations: How can you use tools like pictorial reviews, net worth summaries, and tax liability projections to present alternative plans in a way that resonates with clients and motivates them to take actionable steps toward aligning their resources with their values? How valuable can a picture be?

4. Overcoming Resistance to Change: How can advisors help clients who are hesitant to revisit or revise their legacy plans due to the emotional or logistical complexities involved? What approaches can make the process less overwhelming?

5. Balancing Aspirational and Measurable Goals: How do you balance addressing a client’s aspirational legacy goals, like spiritual growth and family unity, with actionable and measurable outcomes in their estate and financial planning?

CHAPTER 1 COMING SOON Chapters 9-13

What is Legacy?

We hope you have enjoyed this Special Edition Chapter Sampler of Family Legacy Coaching By Design.

The following chapters and Appendices will be available in the full edition:

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Chapter 9: Stage 2 – Strategy Development and Implementation

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Chapter 10: Engaging the Next Generation

• Chapter 11: The Initial Family Meeting

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families Legacy. Have you thought about yours? Have you helped your clients think about theirs? Maybe you want to step back even further and consider: what does that word specifically mean? Let’s start with a definition that the Bible and Webster can agree on. Legacy is, ”something that is received from someone who has died, something transmitted from an ancestor or predecessor.” This definition is given from the descendent’s perspective.

• Chapter 12: Developing Family Vision, Mission, and Values

• Chapter 13: Ongoing Monitoring

• Conclusion and Call to Action: Sustaining a Legacy that Lasts

Please visit our website for more resources and let us know if you would like a free copy of the full book and study guide when it is released.

Scan the QR code to visit the website: www.familylegacybydesign.com/resources

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

CHAPTER 1 What is Legacy?

APPENDIX A GOALS CONVERSATION WORKSHEET

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

Personal Legacy

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• What have been the happiest times in your life and why?

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• What would it take for you to have a greater sense of personal fulfillment?

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Over the next 3 years, what key things would you like to see happen in your life?

• What hopes and dreams do you have for yourself?

• Have you prepared a personal mission statement? Do you have a life verse?

• What would you like to be remembered for?

• What would you like your grandchildren to remember you for?

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

• What do you want on your tombstone?

Family Legacy

• Tell me about your family (children, grandchildren, parents, siblings).

• How close are they to one another?

• How are they doing: Spiritually? Family-wise? Educationally? Vocationally? Relationship-wise?

• Are there any damaged relationships within your family that need to be repaired? What are they?

• What three things would you like to do to improve your family legacy?

• In your generation, what do you most hope to accomplish? What do you most hope to avoid?

• Over the next three years, what would you like to see happen in the life of your family?

• What are the most significant things you would like to do with each of your children or grandchildren?

• What are the key values you would like to build into yourself and see built into your family?

Financial Legacy

• What most amazes you about the amount of wealth you have accumulated?

• Do you feel a sense of financial freedom? Do you feel financially blessed?

• What would it take for you to feel a greater sense of financial freedom?

• Do you anticipate an inheritance from your parents?

• What are your views of ‘Wealth Transfer’ as it relates to your family?

• What amount of inheritance could you leave that will be a blessing to your children – and not a curse?

• What do you hope your inheritance will accomplish in the lives of your heirs?

• Do you think it is possible to give your children too much?

• What would you like to do for your family as part of your financial legacy?

• What needs of your children are you trying to fulfill through your inheritance?

• What, in your mind, is an adequate inheritance for your children?

• What impact do you think this money will have on your children’s lives?

• Are there any particular family assets that you would like passed on to the next generation?

• Are you currently giving to your children annually?

• What is the best way to leave an inheritance (outright or in trust)?

• When is the best time to leave an inheritance? Now or later?

• How prepared are your children to receive an inheritance?

Business Legacy (if applicable)

• Tell me about your business. How and when did it get started?

• How do you feel about your business today?

• Do you see this as a multi-generational business?

• Is the next generation prepared to lead it?

• What is your role today, and what was it formerly?

• How comfortable are you about your business continuity

and succession plans?

• Do you have a strong leadership team in your business?

• Who would take over if you were temporarily disabled?

• What is the leadership structure like in your business?

• Have you given any thought to what a successful business legacy would look like?

• What would you like your legacy in the business to look like three years from now?

• What concerns you most about your business situation today?

• What do you see as the biggest obstacles to overcome in your family business?

Charitable/Kingdom Legacy

• Is charitable giving included in your estate plan?

• What are your current giving practices?

• Have you ever considered adding charity as another child in your estate planning?

• What do you want to do for the Kingdom, both during your life and at the end of your life?

• If you leave money to charity at the end of life, are your children the ones to give it away?

• Are they trained and prepared for such a task?

CHAPTER 1

APPENDIX B SAMPLE LEGACY LETTERS

What

is Legacy?

Sample Legacy Letter 1: From Parents to Children

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

Dear Children,

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

As we consider the legacy we wish to leave you, we are reminded that the greatest gift we have received in our lives has been our relationship with Jesus Christ. Our deepest desire for each of you is that you would continue to grow in your faith and build your lives on the firm foundation of God’s Word.

We have been blessed beyond measure with the resources God has entrusted to us, and we have tried to be faithful stewards of these blessings. The inheritance we leave is not just financial, but also includes the values, faith, and character we hope we have modeled for you.

The financial resources we are leaving to you are meant to be

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

a blessing, not a burden. We pray that you will use them wisely, remembering always that everything belongs to God. We encourage you to:

1. Continue to grow in your relationship with Christ

2. Love and support one another as siblings

3. Raise your children to know and love the Lord

4. Be generous with what God has given you

5. Work diligently in whatever vocation God calls you to

6. Remember that true wealth is not measured by possessions but by faith, family, and character

Our prayer is that you will find fulfillment not in what you own, but in who you are in Christ and how you serve others.

With all our love, Mom and Dad

Sample Legacy Letter 2: Business Succession Letter

Dear Family,

As I consider the business that God has blessed me to build over these many years, I want to share my heart regarding its future and the legacy I hope it will continue to have.

This business was founded on principles of integrity, excellence, and service to others. My vision has always been that it would be more than just a means of financial provision, but also a platform for ministry and impact. I have tried to lead in a way that honors God, values people, and serves our community.

My desire is that this business continue as a family enterprise that:

• Provides excellent products/services to our customers

• Creates meaningful employment for our team members

• Generates resources for kingdom impact

• Reflects Christ-like values in all operations and relationships

To those who will lead after me, I encourage you to:

• Maintain our commitment to biblical principles in all business decisions

• Continue investing in the development of our people

• Preserve the company culture of integrity and excellence

• Remember that profit is a means, not an end

• Use the business as a platform for ministry and kingdom impact

While I have made provision for the ownership and leadership succession of the company, I recognize that each generation must find its own vision and path forward. I trust you to seek God’s direction and to be faithful stewards of what He has entrusted to us.

May God bless your stewardship of this business for generations to come.

With love and confidence, [Name]

CHAPTER 1

APPENDIX C LEGAL DOCUMENT

ANALYSIS

What is Legacy?

FORM

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

Name of Document: ___________________________________

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

Date of Document: ____________________________________

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

Grantor: _____________________________________________

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

Guardians: ___________________________________________

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

Executor/Personal Representative: _________________________

Successor Executor: ____________________________________

Trustee: _____________________________________________

Successor Trustee: _____________________________________

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Beneficiary:

• Primary: ___________________________

• Secondary: __________________________

• Charity: ____________________________

Distribution Plan:

• Outright? ____________________________

• In trust? _____________________________

• Over time? ___________________________

• Age limitations? ________________________

Amount of distribution: _________________________________

If no survivors: _______________________________________

Financial Power of Attorney: _____________________________

Healthcare Power of Attorney: ___________________________

Additional Notes: ______________________________________

CHAPTER 1 APPENDIX D INSURANCE COVERAGE ANALYSIS FORM

What is Legacy?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

Life Insurance Inventory

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Other Insurance

Health Insurance

• Provider: ________________________________________

• Type of Plan: ____________________________________

• Annual Deductible: _______________________________

• Key Coverage Notes: ______________________________

Disability Insurance

• Provider: _______________________________________

• Benefit Amount: _________________________________

• Elimination Period: _______________________________

Benefit Period: _________________________________________

Long-Term Care Insurance

• Provider: _______________________________________

• Daily Benefit: ___________________________________

• Benefit Period: ___________________________________

• Inflation Protection: ______________________________

Property & Casualty Insurance

• Home Insurance Provider: _________________________

• Auto Insurance Provider: ___________________________

• Umbrella Policy Amount: __________________________

• Other Coverage: _________________________________

APPENDIX E SAMPLE GOALS & GAPS ANALYSIS

CHAPTER 1 What is Legacy?

Client: [Name]

Date: [Date]

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

Executive Summary

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

Based on our Goals Conversation and FAMILY Review, we have identified the following key areas where your current legacy plan does not align with your stated objectives:

1. Estate Tax Exposure: Your current plan would result in approximately $25 million in estate taxes, reducing the amount available to your heirs and charitable interests.

2. Inheritance Amounts: Your current plan would leave approximately $32 million to each of your two children, which exceeds the amount you indicated would be “enough” for them.

3. Charitable Intent: Despite expressing a desire to leave a significant charitable legacy, your current plan does not include

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

provisions for charitable giving at the end of life.

4. Business Succession: There is no clear business continuity or succession plan in place, which creates risk for the ongoing operations of your company.

5. Communication with Heirs: Your children do not fully understand your values, intentions, or the responsibilities that will come with their inheritance.

Current Plan vs. Alternative Plan

Current Plan

Distribution:

Son Daughter Government Charity

$32 million

$25 million

Alternative Plan

Distribution:

Son: $16 million

Daughter: $16 million

Government: $0

Charity: $57 million

Detailed Findings and Recommendations

Personal Legacy

Findings:

• You have expressed that your faith is central to your identity and legacy

• Your documents contain no language about your faith or values

• You desire to leave a spiritual legacy to future generations

Recommendations:

1. Add a personal statement of faith to your estate documents

2. Create a legacy letter to share your spiritual journey and values

3. Consider recording video messages for future generations

Family Legacy

Findings:

• You desire close relationships among your children and grandchildren

• Current estate plan does not include family governance structures

• Your children have limited understanding of your wealth and intentions

Recommendations:

1. Establish regular family meetings to discuss values and legacy

2. Develop a family mission statement

3. Create educational opportunities for your children regarding wealth management

4. Consider family governance structures to promote unity and shared purpose

Financial Legacy

Findings:

• Current estate tax liability is approximately $25 million

• Life insurance policies are included in your taxable estate

• No clear determination of what constitutes “enough” for your children

Recommendations:

Transfer life insurance policies to an Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust (ILIT)

Utilize your remaining gift and estate tax exemption before potential changes in tax law

Consider establishing trusts for your children that align with your values and intentions

Implement a disclaimer-funded donor-advised fund to provide flexibility

Business Legacy

Findings:

• No formal business continuity plan in case of disability

• No clear succession plan for leadership transition

• Concentration of business knowledge and relationships

Recommendations:

1. Develop a formal business continuity plan

2. Create an advisory board to assist with decision-making

3. Implement leadership development for key team members

4. Consider restructuring ownership (voting/non-voting shares)

5. Document key processes, relationships, and business knowledge

Charitable Legacy

Findings:

1. No charitable giving provisions in current estate plan

2. Desire to make significant impact but lack of specific strategy

3. Children may not share your charitable priorities

Recommendations:

• Establish a donor-advised fund or private foundation

• Consider charity as a “fifth child” in your estate plan

• Involve children in your giving strategy during your lifetime

• Maximize tax benefits through strategic charitable giving (up to 60% of AGI)

• Create guidelines for charitable distributions after your lifetime

Implementation

Strategy

To address these gaps, we recommend moving forward with Stage 2 - Strategy Development and Implementation. This will include:

1. Collaboration with your existing advisors (attorney, CPA, investment manager)

2. Creation of specific strategies and documents to implement recommendations

3. Family meeting facilitation to communicate your intentions

4. Ongoing monitoring and adjustment as needed

The estimated cost for Stage 2 is $________, which includes:

• Strategic planning sessions

• Coordination with professional advisors

• Family meeting preparation and facilitation

• Document preparation and review

• Implementation oversight

We are prepared to begin this process immediately upon your approval.

CHAPTER

1 APPENDIX F SAMPLE ENGAGEMENT

What is Legacy?

LETTERS

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

Sample Engagement LetterStage 1: Family Legacy Review

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

[Date]

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

[Client Name] [Address] [City, State ZIP]

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

Dear [Client Names],

Thank you for the opportunity to work with you on your Family Legacy Review. This letter outlines our understanding of the services to be provided and the terms of our engagement.

Scope of Services We will conduct a comprehensive Family Legacy Review that includes:

1. Goals Conversation: A thorough discussion of your goals

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

and objectives in five key areas:

• Personal Legacy

• Family Legacy

• Financial Legacy

• Business Legacy (if applicable)

• Charitable/Kingdom Legacy

2. FAMILY Review:

• Financial Statements review

• Assets Under Management analysis

• Mandatory Documents review (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, etc.)

• Insurance Coverage evaluation

• Liabilities & Taxes assessment

• Yearly Cash Flow analysis

3. Goals and Gaps Analysis:

• Comprehensive analysis comparing your current situation with your stated goals

• Identification of gaps in your current plan

• Preliminary recommendations to address these gaps

Information Needed To complete this review, we will need the following documents:

• Most recent personal financial statements

• Current estate planning documents (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, etc.)

• Business documents (if applicable)

• Most recent tax returns (personal and business)

• Insurance policies information

• Investment account statements

• Any other relevant financial or legal documents

Benefits and Expectations Upon completion of the Family Legacy Review, you will receive:

• A clear understanding of your current financial and estate situation

• Identification of gaps between your current plan and your stated goals

• Recommendations for addressing these gaps

• A foundation for developing a comprehensive legacy plan

Fees and Payment Terms The fee for the Family Legacy Review is $__________, payable in advance. Any travel costs incurred will be reimbursable and billed separately.

Confidentiality All information provided to us will be held in strict confidence and used solely for the purpose of completing the Family Legacy Review.

If you agree with the terms of this engagement, please sign below and return this letter with your payment. We look forward to working with you on this important project.

Sincerely,

[Advisor Name] [Firm Name]

Agreed and Accepted: [Client Name] Date [Spouse Name] Date

[Date]

Sample Engagement LetterStage 2: Strategy Development and Implementation

[Client Name] [Address] [City, State ZIP]

Dear [Client Names],

Thank you for the opportunity to continue our work together following the completion of your Family Legacy Review. This letter outlines our understanding of the Stage 2 services to be provided and the terms of our engagement.

Scope of Services Based on the gaps identified in the Family Legacy Review, we will proceed with Strategy Development and Implementation, which includes:

1. Goal Clarification:

• Refinement of your legacy goals based on review findings

• Trusted advisor conversations and collaboration with your existing advisors

2. Strategy Development:

• Design of specific strategies to address identified gaps

• Presentation of options and recommendations

• Development of implementation timeline

3. Implementation Support:

• Coordination with your attorney, CPA, and other advisors

• Oversight of document creation and execution

• Facilitation of family meetings as needed

• Coordination of plan implementation

Specific Areas of Focus Based on our Family Legacy Review, we will focus on the following specific areas:

[List specific areas identified in the review, such as estate tax planning, business succession, charitable strategies, etc.]

Benefits and Expectations Upon completion of Stage 2, you will have:

A comprehensive legacy plan that aligns with your values and objectives

Implemented strategies to address the gaps identified in Stage 1

Improved clarity and alignment across all five areas of legacy

Enhanced communication with heirs and other stakeholders

Fees and Payment Terms The fee for Stage 2 - Strategy Development and Implementation is $__________, payable in thirds with one-third due upon signing this engagement letter, one-third due at the midpoint of the engagement, and one-third due upon completion. Any travel costs incurred will be reimbursable and billed separately.

Timeline We anticipate that Stage 2 will require approximately [timeframe] to complete. The actual timeline may vary based on the complexity of your situation and the responsiveness of other professionals involved.

Confidentiality All information provided to us will be held in strict confidence and used solely for the purpose of completing the services outlined in this engagement letter.

If you agree with the terms of this engagement, please sign below and return this letter with your initial payment. We look forward to helping you implement your legacy plan.

Sincerely,

[Advisor Name] [Firm Name]

Agreed and Accepted:

[Client Name] Date

[Spouse Name] Date

CHAPTER 1

APPENDIX G FIVE USES OF MONEY WORKSHEET

What is

Legacy?

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

The Only Five Things You Can Do With Money

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

1. GIVE it away

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Current giving: $___________ per year

• Percentage of income: ____%

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

• Giving goals: $___________ per year

• Legacy giving plans: $___________

2. LIVE on it (Lifestyle Expenses)

• Current living expenses: $___________ per month

• Major expense categories:

• Housing: $___________

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

• Food: $___________

• Transportation: $___________

• Healthcare: $___________

• Recreation: $___________

• Other: $___________

3. Pay TAXES

• Income taxes: $___________ per year

• Property taxes: $___________ per year

• Other taxes: $___________ per year

• Potential estate taxes: $___________

• Tax planning opportunities: ________________________

4. Repay DEBT

• Mortgage: $___________ (remaining balance)

• Business loans: $___________ (remaining balance)

• Other debt: $___________ (remaining balance)

• Monthly debt payments: $___________

• Debt reduction goals: ____________________________

5. SAVE/INVEST it

• Current savings rate: $___________ per month

• Retirement accounts: $___________ (current balance)

• Investment accounts: $___________ (current balance)

• Business interests: $___________ (estimated value)

• Real estate investments: $__________ (estimated value)

• Other investments: $___________ (estimated value)

• Savings/investment goals: ______________

Five Biblical Money Management Principles

1. Spend less than you earn over a long period of time

• Current income: $___________ per year

• Current expenses: $___________ per year

• Surplus/(Deficit): $___________ per year

2. Avoid the use of debt

• Current debt-to-income ratio: ____%

• Debt reduction plan: _____________

3. Build cash flow reserves

• Emergency fund goal: $__________

• Current emergency fund: $______

• Other liquidity sources: __________________

4. Set long-term goals

• Financial independence goal: Age _____ with $____

• Legacy goals: ____________________

• Business goals: ___________________

• Other long-term goals: __________

5. Remember that God owns it all

• Stewardship reflections: _____________

• Areas for growth in stewardship: _________

CHAPTER 1 BIBLIOGRAPHY

Biblical Resources

Holy Bible, New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV)

What is Legacy?

Legacy and Estate Planning

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

Blue, R. (2004). Splitting Heirs: Giving Your Money and Things to Your Children Without Ruining Their Lives. Moody Publishers.

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

Fithian, T., & Fithian, S. (2007). The Right Side of the Table: Where Do You Sit in the Minds of the Affluent?Legacy Press.

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

Hamilton, R. W. (2004). Content Estate Planning: A Holistic Approach. American Bar Association.

Hughes, J. E. (2004). Family Wealth: Keeping It in the Family. Bloomberg Press.

Ware, J., & Ottaway, P. (2017). Preparing Heirs: Five Steps to a Successful Transition of Family Wealth and Values. Williams & Wiley.

Willis, M. H. (2003). Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth: A Life

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

Guide for Inheritors. New Concord Press.

Family Business Resources

Aronoff, C. E., Ward, J. L., & McClure, S. L. (2011). Family Business Succession: The Final Test of Greatness. Palgrave Macmillan.

Gersick, K. E., Davis, J. A., Hampton, M. M., & Lansberg, I. (1997). Generation to Generation: Life Cycles of the Family Business. Harvard Business Review Press.

Poza, E. J. (2013). Family Business. Cengage Learning.

Ward, J. L. (2004). Perpetuating the Family Business: 50 Lessons Learned from Long-Lasting, Successful Families in Business. Palgrave Macmillan.

Spiritual Growth and Leadership

Bright, B. (2003). The Four Spiritual Laws. New Life Publications.

Friedman, E. H. (2017). A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10th Anniversary Edition). Church Publishing.

Haggai, J. E. (2001). The Influential Leader: 12 Steps to Igniting Visionary Decision Making. Harvest House Publishers.

MacDonald, G. (2017). Ordering Your Private World. Thomas Nelson. (Originally published 1985)

Morley, P. (2015). The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face (25th Anniversary Edition). Zondervan. (Originally published 1989)

Murray, A. (2001). Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness. Bethany House Publishers.

Financial Stewardship

Blue, R. (2016). Master Your Money: A Step-by-Step Plan for Experiencing Financial Contentment. Moody Publishers.

Blue, R., & Guess, G. (2017). Never Enough?: 3 Keys to Financial Contentment. B&H Books.

Blue, R., & White, J. (2016). The New Master Your Money: A Step-by-Step Plan for Gaining and Enjoying Financial Freedom. Moody Publishers.

Dayton, H. (2011). Your Money Counts: The Biblical Guide to Earning, Spending, Saving, Investing, Giving, and Getting Out of Debt. Tyndale House Publishers.

Communication and Relationships

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2017). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.

Covey, S. R. (2013). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Simon & Schuster.

Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2011). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. McGraw-Hill Education.

Stanley, S., Trathen, D., McCain, S., & Bryan, B. M. (2013). A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage. Jossey-Bass.

Philanthropy and Charitable Giving

Bakke, R. (2017). The Decision Maker: Unlock the Potential of Everyone in Your Organization, One Decision at a Time. Pear Press.

Blanchard, K., & Hodges, P. (2008). Lead Like Jesus: Lessons from

the Greatest Leadership Role Model of All Time. Thomas Nelson.

Brumley, J. (2010). The Generosity Factor: Discover the Joy of Giving Your Time, Talent, and Treasure. Zondervan.

Corbett, S., & Fikkert, B. (2014). When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor... and Yourself. Moody Publishers.

Lupton, R. D. (2011). Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help, And How to Reverse It. HarperOne.

Rowell, J. (2006). To Give or Not to Give?: Rethinking Dependency, Restoring Generosity, and Redefining Sustainability. Authentic.

Articles and Publications

Friedman, E. H. (1991). “Bowen Theory and Therapy.” In A. S. Gurman & D. P. Kniskern (Eds.), Handbook of Family Therapy, Vol. 2, pp. 134-170. Brunner/Mazel.

Williams, R. B., & Williams, V. P. (1993). “Family Therapy: Emotional Triangles.” In Anger Kills: Seventeen Strategies for Controlling the Hostility That Can Harm Your Health. HarperCollins.

Online Resources

National Christian Foundation. (n.d.). Charitable Planning Strategies. Retrieved from https://www.ncfgiving.com/resources/

Kingdom Advisors. (n.d.). Biblical Financial Planning Resources. Retrieved from https://kingdomadvisors.com/resources

CHAPTER 1

Acknowledgments

What is Legacy?

This book would not have been possible without the wisdom, support, and encouragement of many individuals who have shaped my understanding of legacy planning and family stewardship.

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

First, I want to thank my friend and mentor Jeff Rogers, whose insights and approach to legacy coaching provided the foundation upon which I’ve built my practice. Your generosity in sharing your knowledge has multiplied its impact through the families I’ve been privileged to serve.

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

I am deeply grateful to Ron Blue, whose biblical financial wisdom has influenced countless advisors, including myself. Your commitment to kingdom-minded stewardship continues to inspire and guide my work.

Special thanks to Randy Fairfax, Jerry Black, E.G. “Jay” Link, Brandon Christy, and other mentors, colleagues, and contributors who have shared their expertise, challenged my thinking, and supported this project from concept to completion.

To my clients, whose stories (shared anonymously) bring this book to life—thank you for allowing me into the most meaningful parts of your lives and for trusting me to guide your legacy planning

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

journey. Your commitment to intentional stewardship inspires me daily.

To those who have invested in this project. You know who you are. For your encouragement, your support and your ongoing desire to build your own multi-generational family business and family legacy.

To my team at Conway & Associates, thank you for your dedication, creativity, and partnership in serving our clients with excellence.

Finally and most importantly, to my family—Susan, my beloved wife and partner in this journey, and our children Chris, Pamela, Faith, and Ruth—you and your children are my most important legacy. Thank you for your love, patience, and for embodying the values we hold dear.

CHAPTER 1

About the Authors

What is Legacy?

Tom Conway is the founder of Legacy By Design Coaching, where he serves as a Master Coach to financially blessed families. With over three decades of experience in financial advisory, estate planning, and charitable giving strategies, Tom has guided countless families through the process of creating multigenerational legacies that align with their values, faith, and vision.

• Defining legacy beyond money: Ecclesiastes 7:11-12

• The connection between wisdom and wealth in building a legacy

• God’s charge to His people: A Biblical vision for families

As a CPA by training with expertise in tax planning, charitable giving and estate planning, Tom brings both technical knowledge and relational wisdom to his work. His approach emphasizes clarity, alignment, and communication—helping families articulate what matters most and creating plans that reflect their deepest values.

• Legacy by design vs. legacy by default

• Understanding the role of a Legacy Coach in guiding families

Tom previously served with both for-profit and non-profit organizations such as Ernst & Young, Cru, Ronald Blue & Co., Perimeter Church, Generous Giving, National Christian Foundation, and Haggai International.These experiences shaped his global perspective and commitment to kingdom-focused stewardship.

He and his wife, Susan, have four children and 10 grandchildren. Together, they practice the principles of legacy by design in their own family, modeling the values of faith, generosity, and intentional living that form the foundation of Tom’s coaching practice.

I want to spell this out here, so let’s look at it from the other angle, which is that of the predecessor. From the ancestor’s perspective, legacy is something

About the Authors

Brett Eastman founded LifeTogether Ministries over 25 years ago and served as the Small Group Champion at Willow Creek Community Church and at Saddleback Church with Rick Warren, where he helped to develop the 40 Days of Purpose Campaign and wrote the Purpose Driven Small Group series with Zondervan, which sold over 5 million copies. At LifeTogether, Brett consulted and produced resources with over 5,000 churches and published and produced over 500 video curriculum and church campaigns. Brett is co-founder of Legacy By Design, helping to coach families of wealth navigate the challenges of family life and legacy. In addition, Brett has started a new venture, Family Legacy Productions, helping to bring your family story, values, and legacy to life.

Brett Eastman Co-Founder

Coming Soon: A Family-Facing Resource

You’ve taken the first step—equipping yourself to lead families toward a legacy that is rich in meaning, not just money.

But we’re not stopping here.

Soon, a companion resource will be available: a family-facing version of Family Legacy by Design designed specifically for the families you serve.

This shorter, practical guide will help parents, grandparents, and next generations engage in meaningful conversations about values, vision, and the stewardship of their influence and resources.

You’ll be able to place it directly into their hands—giving them the tools they need to grow together and carry forward a thriving legacy.

Families don’t just need a financial plan. They need a legacy plan—and you’re helping them build it.

Family Legacy Curriculum

Training leaders. Empowering families. Transforming generations. Legacy work is not about a one-time conversation. It’s about a journey—a process that requires skill, wisdom, and relational leadership.

That’s why we’ve developed the Family Legacy by Design Curriculum, a complete set of resources for both advisors and families.

For Coaches and Advisors:

The curriculum provides you with robust training:

• In-depth video modules taught by Tom Conway and other leaders

• Practical facilitation guides for leading family meetings

• Frameworks to move families from financial protection to multi-generational vision

• Tools to address common obstacles like conflict, confusion, and complacency

For Families:

The family-facing curriculum is designed to make legacy conversations accessible and actionable.

Families will have:

• Simple, engaging video lessons

• Downloadable worksheets to spark real conversations

• Guided exercises that connect hearts, not just wallets

• A clear path to building a shared family vision that can last for generations

Together, these two tracks work hand-in-hand:

You lead. Families grow. Legacies endure.

Coaching Programs & Online Certification (Launching Fall 2025)

Turn your calling into a practice that changes lives.

This Fall, we’re launching the Family Legacy by Design Coaching Certification.

Through this training, you’ll master how to guide families through transformational legacy planning—combining financial insight with deep relational work.

Certification benefits include:

• Membership in a national network of Certified Family Legacy Coaches

• Ongoing training and peer learning communities

• Access to client-ready tools and event kits

• Exclusive opportunities to host workshops, retreats, and private family gatherings

This is more than a credential—it’s a mission.

It’s a chance to serve families in ways that will impact not just their wealth, but their story for generations to come.

What’s Coming Next

We believe legacy work is the next frontier for the best advisors, planners, and family leaders.

And we’re just getting started.

Coming soon:

• Advanced Trainings — Dive deeper into specific challenges like blended families, business succession, and charitable legacy.

• Leadership Summits — Gather with top Family Legacy Coaches and advisors from around the country.

• Client-Facing Resources — Tools to help you serve a broader range of families, from first-generation wealth creators to multi-generational family offices.

• Peer Networks — Connect, share, and grow alongside others who share your passion for seeing families thrive.

You are part of a movement that will change how families think about legacy—and how advisors think about their practice.

Stay tuned. Stay equipped. Stay mission-driven.

Webinars & Live Workshops (Launching Spring 2026)

Learn live. Lead well.

Starting in Spring 2026, you’ll have the opportunity to attend Family Legacy by Design live webinars and hands-on workshops.

These learning experiences will cover:

• Hosting effective family meetings

• Facilitating multi-generational conversations

• Navigating delicate topics like forgiveness, calling, and stewardship

• Helping families create actionable legacy plans

Our goal is not just to teach you concepts—but to equip you to lead real families in real life.

You’ll leave these events not just inspired, but empowered.

Stories of Transformation

Because legacy work is not theory—it’s personal.

Across the country, advisors and leaders are seeing a profound shift. When families have the right conversations, when values are spoken, when visions are shared—hearts are healed. Unity is built. Future generations walk in strength, not confusion.

At familylegacybydesign.com you’ll find real stories from real families who have experienced the power of Family Legacy by Design:

• Stories of reconciliation between estranged family members

• Stories of family businesses transitioning with purpose, not conflict

• Stories of young adults stepping into leadership because their values were made clear

These are not just stories about wealth.

They are stories about meaning, mission, and multi-generational hope.

Your leadership can unlock these kinds of stories for the families you serve.

What’s a Webinar?

Simple. Powerful. Accessible.

A webinar is a live online workshop where you’ll interact directly with the Family Legacy by Design team—and with other advisors and coaches pursuing the same mission.

You’ll learn practical tools, see real examples, and have the chance to ask your toughest questions.

Whether you’re brand-new to legacy work or already coaching families, webinars offer ongoing fuel for your growth.

Best of all, you can attend from anywhere—and immediately apply what you learn. Additional Family Legacy Advisor Resources Coming Soon...

Family Legacy by Design C OA CH I N G

Multi-Generational Legacy Coaching transforms how advisors guide families in creating meaningful legacies. Tom Conway seamlessly blends biblical principles with practical strategies to help families address all dimensions of legacy—personal values, family relationships, financial assets, business succession, and charitable giving. This essential guide provides both the heart posture and actionable tools needed to achieve clarity, alignment, and communication across generations. Discover how to help families design legacies that transfer not just wealth, but also wisdom—creating an impact that extends far beyond financial assets.

“I have spent a lifetime, equipping and encouraging advisors to faithfully steward the families God has entrusted in their care. Family Legacy Coaching By Design provides a simple, transferable and proven system and strategy to turn this vision into a reality.”

Ron Blue

TOM CONWAY

Tom Conway, a CPA with extensive experience in financial services and ministry, has served with organizations like Ernst & Young, Cru, Ronald Blue & Co., and the National Christian Foundation. As a Qualified Kingdom Advisor (QKA™) and co-author of unHERITAGE and unPREPARED, Tom is passionate about helping families clarify, align, and communicate their legacy goals. His focus is on empowering families through his MultiGenerational Legacy Coaching Process at Legacy by Design.

BRETT EASTMAN

Brett Eastman pioneered small group ministries at Willow Creek and Saddleback Church, authoring Purpose Driven group series & producing 40 Day Campaigns. Since then, Brett launched Lifetogether and has been publishing and producing video series and campaigns for thousands of churches and nonprofits. His recent partnerships & productions with Ron Blue Institute and Blue Trust offer families, advisors, and churches video teaching and tools for wealth stewardship and lasting family legacy.

Family Legacy Coaching by Design - Pre-Release Sampler