CORRESPONDENCE WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR CHILD’S BIRTH PARENTS by Jenny Riddle
“W
e have learned that in order to best love our son, we must also love his birth parents well.” Morgan, a Lifeline mom through domestic adoption, explained how healthy relationships with her son’s birth parents allows him to have “a sense of security in who he is and a feeling of pride in where God has ultimately led him to be planted.” Whether a close relationship with his birth parents will happen is still yet to be seen. However, Morgan understands that a child is connected to his or her birth family, no matter how much interaction is possible. Acknowledging their presence in a child’s life and creating a safe atmosphere to think and talk about them gives a child the freedom to explore that aspect of his or her life, ultimately giving a healthier sense of identity and stability. Families of domestic adoption, especially, have a unique opportunity to love birth families through both correspondence and visits. This article focuses primarily
Fall 2020
on the correspondence aspect of these relationships. At Lifeline, a birth mother decides what level of openness works best for her and her situation and then chooses from prospective families who are open to that same level. Domestic adoptive families complete an agreement as part of the adoption process, based on this agreed level of openness. Many families and birth parents choose to do more updates and visits, and sometimes the relationships progress organically outside of the “requirements.” The following stories illustrate how a relationship can naturally progress and gives a snapshot of how families can love birth parents in various corresponding circumstances: Lisa’s daughter was born in September 2019. The adoption process happened very quickly and didn’t allow much time for her family to develop a relationship with her daughter’s birth mother. However, Lisa and her husband met - 14 -
their daughter’s birth mother on the same day they met their daughter. Today, they send regular updates through Lifeline, including notes and pictures of special events. They also pray for her and talk about her regularly by name with their daughter. Making sure her daughter knows about her birth family is very important to Lisa. Although Lisa has tried to include her daughter’s birth mother in their lives as much as possible, the response has been discouragingly little. Lisa desires a deeper relationship, but she loves this sweet birth mother however she can: “Even if that doesn’t happen, we pray that God works in our birth mom’s life and that she is getting the love and support she needs. We will always be here if and when she is ready to be more involved and would never push her if she’s not comfortable.” Morgan brought her son home in September 2019. After Morgan and her husband’s first meeting with their son’s lifelinechild.org
