
9 minute read
HOW GOD MOVES OVER TIME
30 WEEKS.
When Symone* discovered she was expecting her second child, she was already in her third trimester. This pregnancy was different than her first — she didn’t have those weeks of morning sickness, exhaustion, and swollen feet. She didn’t feel different at all, actually. But when the ultrasound revealed a tiny 3-pound baby in her womb and a strong, thumping heartbeat, reality hit. Symone already had a 5-year-old little boy, whom she adored. Because of several life circumstances, he lives with his birth father and Symone sees him every other weekend. During the week, she puts in 16-hour days, working to provide for herself and her son. The idea of adding a second child to her life was overwhelming and she knew she could not parent this baby the way she wanted. “I didn’t get to grow up in a two-parent home, and my mom ran out on us,” Symone shared. “I know from experience how influential that is. I wanted to give my baby the best thing — something I didn’t have — because it changes your life.” Symone searched online for “adoption agencies,” and Lifeline Children’s Services stood out because it was one of the only websites she found that was openly Christian. She texted the number on the page and was connected with one of Lifeline’s local pregnancy counselors, Rachel Huggart, “the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” she said. As with any first meeting between birth mother and pregnancy counselor, Rachel listened to Symone and her thoughts about her unborn baby. Though Symone was fairly confident in her desire to place her baby for adoption, they talked through all the possibilities and the details of what each decision would mean. “No matter what, we talk about all of the options,” Rachel explained. “Even if a birth mom doesn’t talk about abortion, or adoption, or parenting, it doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about it. We want them to have all of the information before they decide and help them think long-term. Babies are cute and sometimes cuddly but what happens when they are 15 years old? Or, if you had all the financial resources you needed, would you still want to place your child for adoption?” Symone shared, “Rachel didn’t pressure me about anything and just told me all the good and bad about each option, really explaining how the process works — from what to expect at each step, to what it looks like to pick a family, and then what those interactions look like afterward.” Because of her relationship with the Lord, Symone prayed over her options. Birth mothers are always “in the driver’s seat” at Lifeline, so when Symone made her decision, Rachel walked with her through the myriad of details that accompany any birth, but also supported her as they planned for the specific details of an open adoption. The two worked through how to articulate just what Symone was looking for in a family — Did she want someone who already had older children? Someone with a dog? A family that loved to travel? Lived in her state? Since Lifeline meticulously assesses every family “I DIDN’T GET TO GROW UP IN A TWO-PARENT that applies for adoption, we can already assure birth HOME, AND MY MOM mothers that the family knows Christ and is committed to RAN OUT ON US. I KNOW loving and raising children under His leadership. Symone’s desires were composed into what’s called a “nonidentifying info summary” and sent to all the Lifeline FROM EXPERIENCE HOW INFLUENTIAL THAT IS. families that matched her wishes: a two-parent home, a I WANTED TO GIVE MY stay-at-home mom, someone who couldn’t have biological BABY THE BEST THING children, and one in which family is most important. The beauty of this process really shines through as both birth mothers and adoptive parents are protected — SOMETHING I DIDN’T HAVE — BECAUSE IT — Lifeline families receive an info summary and are able CHANGES YOUR LIFE.”
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to pray over it and decide if they want their information to be shared with that birth mother. When they say “yes,” they commit to that birth mom and her baby, if she picks them. Then once a birth mom views the “yes” family profile books, she chooses her family and doesn’t have to worry about whether or not they will back out for any reason. “A lot of times something women bring with them is shame,” Rachel explained. “Shame over what happened, fear that no one would want their baby, or not like her as a birth mom.” This process helps remove some of that fear.
6 YEARS. Jeff and Alisa married in 2008 and always planned to grow their family through adoption. They imagined having biological children first and adopting later. But after facing the painful trials of infertility, the couple applied to Lifeline’s domestic adoption program. Though filled with joy and anticipation, the path of domestic adoption for the couple also carried many fears with it. Alisa feared that having an open adoption with a birth mother would mean she would have control over Alisa and the way she raised her children. Jeff said he was fearful that they wouldn’t have the same freedoms as if they’d had biological children. Because every family faces some of these very valid concerns, Lifeline walks through trainings, conferences, and countless conversations to help them prepare for and overcome these fears. said. “Ultimately the Holy Spirit works through Lifeline to change our hearts, as adoptive parents, toward the things we are fearful of.” They completed their home study and agreed to the baseline level of “openness” that Lifeline requires of all families — sending designated updates on the child to Lifeline — to be shared with a birth mom if she desires open communication or filed if she does not. In 2014, they were chosen by a birth mom and joyously welcomed Elijah home as their first son. By 2016, they were ready to add to their family and applied for domestic adoption again. Two years later they brought home their second son, Max, this time with a little more open communication with the birth parents. God was growing their family and molding their hearts toward birth parent ministry at the same time. In November 2019, once again Jeff and Alisa applied. They completed their home study in April 2020, hoping to bring home their third child in six years. This time they were prepared to pursue an even more open adoption. For every application, Alisa entered in with trepidation. “I’ve always been sort of self-conscious about our profile book. We’re not big travelers and we’re pretty simple and quiet. I always felt like that worked against us, where birth mothers may not choose us because we’re not going and doing a ton of new things.”
24 HOURS. After all the background work was completed, Symone was given the “yes” family profile books to look through. Rachel said, “I’ve never had a client choose a family so quickly and confidently,” explaining that Symone chose Jeff and Alisa within one hour. Rachel urged her to sleep on it and confirm in the morning, giving it a full 24 hours. “She had such confidence in what she decided, and I think that was the Lord in her.” Things moved quickly and Symone met Jeff and Alisa for the first time over video call. “I basically interrogated “They do such a good job of training and teaching,” Jeff
them,” she laughed. “But I wanted to confirm what I was thinking. After meeting them, I knew these people are really real and they’re the perfect fit.” The call ended and some of Jeff and Alisa’s first thoughts were, “Wow, she’s beautiful” and “That was amazing.” The couple felt like they’d just had a call with a good friend. It turns out, the very things that Alisa felt a little insecure about in her family were things that Symone liked most — putting family first and even having supper together every night meant a lot to her because of the things lacking in her own childhood. “Choosing adoption wasn’t an easy decision to make but going off of what I’d lived through as a kid, I had to make a decision that was best for her and best for me and not live in regret,” Symone said. “I made a decision where I never had to worry about her going through the trauma of a broken home.”
ONE MOMENT. Hours after baby Maggie was born in June 2020, Jeff, Alisa, and Symone were all together in the hospital, and at the request of Symone, they stayed together for the next three recovery days. Rachel explained that sometimes hospital time can be a little awkward, but the three were “cutting up and laughing because they felt so comfortable.” When it was time to discharge on Saturday, Alisa found herself overcome with emotion. She’d never been this close with one of her children’s birth parents and she knew leaving the hospital and driving in separate directions would be hard on everyone. “I know Symone could tell I was dreading that moment,” Alisa shared. “She pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. Here was a mama who had just given birth but was tenderly placing her baby into my arms to parent, love, and raise. And she was the one asking me how I’m doing. … I started crying. She told me to ‘dry it up,’” Alisa laughed, “because Maggie will pick up on ‘those sad eyes.’ She said, ‘I don’t want Maggie to feel anything but joy from you.’” They exited the hospital together and gave hugs goodbye. Jeff, Alisa, and Maggie made it home without tears, and Alisa emailed Symone to let her know.
A LIFETIME. Not every relationship is this close, and some are closer. For Jeff, Alisa, and Symone, there’s much yet to be written in their story. Both parties hope that a beautiful friendship will deepen and remain strong in the future. As Symone thinks about baby Maggie and the lifetime of love she’ll receive with her family, she knows she can lean into God in the stages of grief. “Rachel reminded me that there’s no timeline for grief,” Symone said. “And I want others to know that too. You may have a day when you’re down and need encouragement, or it may be two or three months from now. Don’t try to put a time frame on the healing process.” For Alisa, speaking highly of her children’s birth mothers is always a top priority. “These women are courageous, thoughtful, caring, and loving as they made a plan for their babies. They have done one of the hardest things I can imagine.” In the nearly three years Rachel has walked alongside birth mothers as a pregnancy counselor, she’s seen many women choose “one of the most selfless acts ever” as they create an adoption plan for their baby. “Adoption is not the easy way out,” Rachel said. “There is grief and loss in adoption. But it’s also a beautiful reminder of the way God sacrificed for us, for our best, and how we ourselves are adopted through Christ. It is one clear and beautiful picture of the gospel.”
*Names changed for security reasons.
