le charme
JANUARY/FEBRUARY/MARCH 2015
BREAKING CHAINS One Woman’s Story of
WHAT’S IN YOUR
CLOSET? 3 WAYS TO
TRIUMPH
R E WO R K YOUR
LBD
Crystal Wall
Mixfitz AND THE
HOW TO MAKE THE TOP
Phenomenon Happy INTERNATIONAL CONDOM DAY Love Hard Stay Safe
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
WORK
the TRANSFORMATION Transforming your Mind Body & Spirit
5
Issue
DEIIR A SMITH-COLL AR D
Founder/Editor- In - Chief/Creative Di rector
JOSEPHINE SLOAN Managing Editor
CONTRIBUTING W RITERS DeiIra Smith-Collard Josephine Sloan Ebony Walker Jennifer Leviston Khahelah Thornton Jessica Douglas Shenna Maxey India Henderson Dalana Bryant DESIGN & PHOTOGR APHY Depictions of Life Photography & Design MAILING ADDRESS EMAIL Le Char me Magazine info@lecharmemagazine.com 3 4 0 N. Sam Houston Pk w y E WEBSITE Ste. A10 0 G w w w.lechar memagazine.com Houston, Texas 77060
2015
JA N UA RY F E BU R A RY / MA RC H
CONTENTS
FASHION & STYLE 3 Ways to REWORK YOUR LBD?......5 Tweaking your Closet.......7
BEAUTY & HAIR BEAUTY MISGUIDED...9 your natural hair...13 PROTECTIVE STYLING..17
LOVE & SEX HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CONDOM DAY......29
HEALTH & FITNESS
23
FEATURE
Crystal Wall
Mixfitz AND THE
Phenomenon
Healthy Eating Tips..32
LIFE & LIVING 3 Essential Oils for Every Home...33 Giving:Do You Past The Test...37 Breaking Chains: A Story of Triumph....39
IN EVERY ISSUE SPOTLIGHT HOUSTON.. . 19
TAKE IT FROM TIA...21
THE VENT....31
Crystal Wall ON THE COVER Photography: DeiIra Smith-Collard Makeup: India Herderson Hair: Josie Sloan Styling Preme
Letter from the Editor
Le Charme Magazine has been a long-standing vision that has finally come to fruition. The concept of bringing just a portion of our knowledge and ourselves started with a statement, it was a mere thought that would merge the worlds of my writing and design skills that has transcended into greatness. This magazine is founded on the beliefs of sisterhood, unity, empowerment, strength and love. It is our goal to share our thoughts, passions, trials, concerns and accomplishments with the world, by first starting in the great city of Houston.
deiira@lecharmemagazine.com FACEBOOK
facebook.com/deiira INSTAGRAM
@deiira
We are a publication that embraces strength, integrity, and individuality. We want to empower women to know their worth and beauty inside and out; and embrace who you are and prosper as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, friends and professionals. Le Charme Magazine invites you to connect with us, grow with us and thanks you for embarking on this journey with us.
Behind the scenes
STYLE
Little
REWORKING Your
BLACK Dress
By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
S
o we all have one, two maybe even more of them. The LBD or little black dress is a staple in just about every woman’s closet. This timeless classic can be your saving grace when you’re in a pinch and have nothing to wear. But what do you do when your LBD is in constant rotation and you feel like it’s become your mandatory Saturday night uniform and not the statement piece that announces to the world your undeniable sense of style? When things get boring you REWORK your look. The great thing about the little black dress is it can be a stand alone piece or a great foundation for a completely new look. I personally have worn the same LBD to various events and even received compliments on how great my dress looked. I would secretly smile to myself because they have seen it a million times, but each time they do, it’s in a completely different way. Your LBD can be dressed up or down, be sweet or sexy, or even totally rocked out and edgy. It’s all about how you style it. Accessories go a long way to help transform your look. Whether it’s an office look you’re looking for or a night out on the town, these three tips will help you step out in style.
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Rework One: Office Chic
STYLE
Even though many see the little black dress as a sexy statement, it has its undeniable position in the work place. A simple black dress that accentuates your body type can give you the look of a model while you’re handling business like a boss. To make your LBD work for work simply add a lady’s jacket or blazer for some business class. Next, pair with nice but simple pumps and matching bag and you’re on your way. Simple accessories worn with this look can add a touch of elegance without being over the top. This combination will show your style while giving you the necessary professionalism that’s needed in the work place. TIP: This can also double as your day to night. Remove the jacket and change the heels and now you’re ready for a date or happy hour with the girls.
Rework Two: Pop of Color
If you are looking for a fun, flirty way to rework your LBD then adding color is your answer. Color can be an exciting way to rework your wardrobe. This pop of color could be shoes or a belt, a necklace or even a scarf. Adding a burst of color to your little black dress helps to break the solid color. Using just one color piece can make a difference, but if you need just a little more, one to two more pieces can do the trick. Avoid including too many pieces, over accessorizing can quickly take this sophisticated attire to a very tacky place.
Rework Three: Rock It Out If you’re the type of woman who occasionally likes to color outside the lines, a sexier, edgier look my be the rework for you. Belts, straps, zippers and leather are no longer only for dominatrix; you can now find these components in edgy apparel. A leather jacket gives a sharp edge to your little black dress. Even go a step further by adding some eye catching accessories and heels as high as stilts and you are dressed, ready and in full bad girl mode. This look is attitude and style all rolled into one, and the perfect look for a night out. It’s possible to rework your LBD for just about any event. So keep that in mind the next time you get an invite and think you have nothing to wear. Reinvent your wardrobe by starting with your little black dress.
STYLE
Tw ea ki ngYour
Closet
By: Shenna Maxey
Have you ever felt like entering your closet was like hiking through a jungle? The mounds of endless clothes, shoes and accessories are in such disarray that everything is lost and found all at the same time, and it makes you want to just give up. Calm down, if we organize and tweak your closet just a bit we can turn this forest of fashion into your very own boutique. First let me give you some reasons for this. The first and most import reason is organization. Things are just simply easier when we are organized. We can also preserve our sentimental items by decluttering. This will help prevent unwanted damage to items that hold a special place in our hearts. In addition to organization, you will also be presented with the opportunity to bless another. Sometimes the items that we constantly overlook and haven’t worn for decades can be a blessing to someone else. Local thrift stores, shelters and other community outreach programs are always looking for donations. Something that helps you can be of even greater help to someone else. Lastly, this will help you understand your personal style and also know exactly what you have. I believe it’s happened to most of us as women. We love something, purchase and then forget about it. Fast forward months later you see the same item and fall in love with it all over again, purchase it, then take it home to see the exact same item already hanging in your closet. If you’re not wearing it, if you’re not using it, then get rid of it. Depending on the items and organization of your closet, this could possibly take a while. This is a task that will take both your dedication and time. Setting aside time specifically for tweaking your closet will help you stay focused, so that you can get it done.
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To start you will need 3-6 bucket totes with tops to help with organization. It’s a good idea to label each tote.
Keep Toss Shoes
Accessories Memories
Sorting your items allows you to see exactly what you have. Organzing the keep items by color and type can help you easily find things in the future. Take the time to hang like items together. Matching and sturdy hangers can give your closet a touch of class and keep clothes from finding their way to the floor. Use existing or additional shelving to organize shoes and bags. If there’s not enough room adding small bookshelves or over the door organizers can give you more shelving while still keeping it organized. Here are some tips in organizing. 1.Use all of your available space. 2.Declutter by packing away your seasonal items 3. You are more likely to wear what you can see 4.Don’t use closet space to store unwanted items These few small tips can help you stay organized and turn your closet into your personal department store.
BEAUTY
When Contouring & Highl L
adies, Ladies, Ladies, enough is enough! Some make-up techniques should only be performed by professionals. Highlighting and Contouring is one. Step-by-step tutorials and YouTube videos have tricked so many into believing that they can highlight and contour like a pro. WRONG!! Chances are, you are drawing unwanted attention to areas that you are trying to camouflage. Highlighting and Contouring is one of the oldest practices in the makeup industry. However, it has suddenly made its way to the top trend and most requested technique of today’s makeup clients. The recent picture of Kim Kardashian showing her pre-blended makeup application has suddenly created a demand for this trick that was created to enhance your natural beauty and has created disaster at its finest. If you are a professional that is creating some of the horrible looks floating around the internet,
STOP! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER
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Contouring is a makeup technique in which a shade of cream or powder darker than your skin tone is used to create shadows in the face, giving a more defined or slimmer appearance. The companion to this great technique is highlighting. Highlighting is the opposite of contouring in which you apply a lighter shade of cream or powder to accentuate areas of the face where the light naturally hits. From subtle and sweet to a jaw-dropping transformation, when executed properly, highlighting and contouring can have one of the most
ontouring
BEAUTY
lighting goes WRONG!
By: India Henderson
beautiful effects on your makeup application. However, it can look horrible if done incorrectly. Highlighting and contouring is more than placing light or dark products on your face. It is very important to understand face structure and proper placement to get the best results. A very simple and important tip to remember is whatever you lighten (highlight) will become more prominent and what you darken (contour) will recede. In my professional opinion, highlighting and contouring isn’t a technique required daily. But if you choose to do so and your daily application looks like a lion’s face created for Halloween, your application is wrong. There shouldn’t be visible lines in highlighting and contouring. There should be a smooth transition from one color to the next. Your goal is to make your enhanced or new created face shape appear natural. You want to make the trick work for you. First, decide which areas of your face that you want to accentuate, and which you wish to tone down. To create, a more defined/slimmer appearing face, locate the hollow of your cheeks. This can be done by placing your fingers in front of your ear and sliding down towards your mouth. You will feel the hollow underneath your cheekbone. You can also suck in your cheeks and you will see the hollows. This is where you place the darker shade to create a shadow to make the face appear slimmer and more defined. With highlighting, less is more. It is important not to go too light and your placement must be correct. If your finished look gives you reversed raccoon eyes with light circles instead of dark ones, your application is wrong. For under eye discoloration, choose a concealer that covers darkness but matches your skin tone. SIDENOTE: The concealer may have to Choose a highlighter 1-2 shades lighter than your natural color. Place the product at the very top of your cheekbones making them appear lifted. When using products with a shimmer, apply sparingly or you risk looking shiny rather than glowing. Other great places to highlight is the center of the forehead, down the bridge of the nose, and right in the cupid’s bow. The center of the chin can also be highlighted depending on your face shape. As a professional makeup artist, I’ve learned that you can completely transform one’s face by highlighting and contouring. You can create the illusion of a smaller nose, a chiseled jawline, an arched brow, and even a new face shape. This technique however, takes practice. If applied incorrectly, you or your client may be mistaken for the clown from the city’s carnival. Use this technique to create a beautiful finish that enhances your natural features. Remember to blend, blend, blend and stay pretty!
be lighter than your skin tone in order to cover the darkness but the finished look after applying the concealer under your eyes should match your skin with no more than a one shade variance.
Editor’s
Beauty Picks Beauty Blender
This little Beauty blends my make up flawlessly.
UD Naked Skin Beauty Balm
Just a bit of this gives me instant retouching by blurring my flaws in seconds.
ABH Dipbrow Pomade Filling in my eyebrows with this creamy formula keeps them in place, well defined and on FLEEK.
Mac RiRi Woo/Ruby Woo This vibrant red matte lippie makes me feel sexy! I put this on and I’M FEELING MYSELF
UD Naked 2 Palette
I love the golden warm tones of this palette. I use it for every day looks or wet my brush to pop the shimmery colors just a bit more for nighttime fun
Hair
By: Josie Sloan
Straightening
Natural Hair
Although a time consuming process, you will love these Step by Step instructions on straightening your natural hair. I do not recommend straightening your hair often, or keeping it straight for long periods of time due to breakage. Make sure you take a multivitamin with Vitamin E for hair, skin, and nails every day. This adds to your healthy hair regimen. Also be sure to clip your ends or have your ends clipped every 6 to 8 weeks to reverse split end damage.
You Will Need Shampoo and Conditioner Deep Conditioner Light leave in conditioner Wide tooth comb Rat Tail comb Heat Protectant Blow Dryer (medium heat, high speed, with wide tooth comb attachment) Flat Iron (with heat set from 380 degrees to 450 based on your hair type fine, medium, or coarse) Edge Control Gel Satin Cap/Scarf Hair Clips
Let's Get Started 1. Shampoo your hair thoroughly to remove any buildup or residue. 2. Shampoo your hair thoroughly to remove any buildup or residue from previous styling and rinse. Repeat this step as many times as you like. You are looking for your hair to literally be squeaky clean. 3. Slather on conditioner while detangling your hair with a wide tooth comb. Saturate hair from root to tip,remove all tangles then, rinse conditioner.
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Hair
4. Apply deep conditioner liberally to hair. Comb through to ends and leave on hair for 10 to 15 minutes, rinse, and towel pat dry. 5. Part the hair horizontally from ear to ear. Put a nickel to quarter size amount of the light leave in conditioner to the bottom portion of hair. 6. Comb through to ends and began blow drying this portion using the wide tooth comb attachment. 7. Repeat the previous two steps to the top portion as well. 8. Once hair is completely dry, pull hair to the top of head, clip into place leaving a small section of hair out. 9. Apply heat protectant serum to this section. Flat iron this section doing no more than two passes per section. 10. Repeat this process until all hair has been flat iron. 11. Apply edge control to your hairline and brush hair into a circular pattern around head to begin the wrapping process. 12. Continue to brush hair in a circular motion until all hair is wrapped and lying flat to head. Tie hair down with the satin head scarf. 13. The next morning remove the scarf and comb into style.
Hair
HAIR FAVES Via Natural X2 Edge Control
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Provides a sleek effect to your edges when hair is worn back in a ponytail, or to slick edges down to match weave.
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A scalp nourishing oil that tends to the itchy spots when wearing a weave. Aids in hair growth and dry scalp.
Fantasia Frizz Buster Serum
Flat iron heat protection serum for curly coil textures aiding in a frizz free natural hair styling experience.
Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Blow Dry Leave in Conditioner and minimal heat protection against blow drying your hair straight.
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Styling mousse for synthetic hair wearers that provides shine and control to your synthetic braids or for doing a roller set on a synthetic wig.
Dr. Miracles Daily Moisturizing Gro
4 5
Crème of Nature Style and Shine
Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Anti Humidity Hairspray Oil Mousse Protects your naturally straight or curled locks from Houston’s extremely humid climate.
Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Curl defining gel for natural hair wearers.
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Kinky Curly Knot Today
A leave in conditioner that works great on fine hair alone, or when joined with the curling custard for thicker more coarse hair.
Protective
With the chemical free lifestyles that women of color have chosen to partake in, protecting your natural hair is imperative. Protective styling is when you protect By: Josie Sloan your natural hair from everyday elements. Now that winter is here we can’t wear those moisture drenched curls during cold and flu season. For those of you who are transitioning from relaxed to natural, your hair is in a confused fragile state. The new growth or, natural roots, are growing in strong and sturdy, but the relaxed pieces tend to be weak and brittle and can easily break. With protective styling, your hair can be safely protected. There are many types of protective styling available. Let’s take the time to examine each style’s pros and cons.
Naturally Straight I used to dread sitting in front of the gas stove on a Sunday evening, while my mom ran that hot comb through my hair. Just thinking about it makes me shudder from the sizzle and crackle of all the grease and that smell, ugh! When using a cordless heating element, you cannot control the temperature of the heat and you can easily obtain heat damage. Using this technique to straighten hair is a thing of the past. A hot comb and hair grease do not have the same effect as the Dominican Blowout, Brazilian Blowout, or a Protein Treatment. All three techniques require a blow dryer and flat iron with an oil based or vitamin rich conditioner. With proper maintenance, this can last about two weeks. The downfall is that it requires a lot of maintenance. If you do not want to apply a lot of heat on your hair, you may want to seek other options. Part of the maintenance ritual is to either blow dry, flat iron, or both. Also wearing your hair straight can have it feeling silky to the touch and super healthy, but now it is thinner, finer, and can result in breakage. Although a bit time consuming, you can always do your own rendition, or use the instruction on “How to Straighten Your Natural Hair.”
Wigs Wearing a wig use to be old fashion, you often thought of your grandmothers wearing those stiff wigs cocked like a pistol. Technically they weren’t even wearing them; they were literally sitting on their head with the security of a hair pin or two. My grandmother had once fell victim to this, now even she has stepped her wig game up, and has invested in some rather stylish wigs. You can wear one of many types: Half, Full Cap, Lace Front, and Full Lace Wigs. Half wigs are worn with your front hairline left out to cover the front edges of the wig. This can be wear and tear on your natural hair. According to the texture of the wig, you will have to do daily maintenance to keep your natural hairline blending in with the wig. For example, your hair might be in transitioning mode, so you have kinky roots and straight ends. Your half wig is straight therefore; you have to straighten your natural hair to match the texture of the wig. Also most half wigs are sold synthetic or human hair blend. So you will have to pay special attention to the heat that you are applying to your hair and not to burn your wig in the process. On the pro side, because it is mainly sold in synthetic or human hair blend, they are really inexpensive all the while providing you with a new dramatic style quickly. Full Cap wigs are one of my favorites. I like these because all of your hair is braided away behind a breathable wig cap, therefore fully protected. The versatility of hairstyles is endless. They come in human and synthetic, but because all of your hair is safely protected, you can add heat to the wig only for styling purposes. Lace Front and Full Lace Wigs are by far the most expensive whether they are synthetic or human hair. A Lace Front is a wig where the front hairline from ear to ear is lace, and the remainder of wig is the normal wig pattern. You then cut the lace to match your hairline, and apply glue to the lace edge up to place the wig securely. The back is held in place by sewing down to your cornrowed hair or with combs. A Lace Wig is a wig that is lace from the front hairline to the hairline at the nape of your neck. You will then cut and measure the extra pieces of lace to match your hairline and secure all edges in place with glue. With both styles all of your hair is securely protected. The downfall is that the glue is secured to your hair line or
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Hair edges. This is the weakest part of your hair because of everyday styling. If not taken out properly you can damage your hair so severely that it may take time to grow or it may not grow at all. You can also obtain something called the “Barbie Doll Hairline.” The Barbie Doll Hairline is when you have a bulk of hair around the hairline that makes it very clear that this is not your natural hair. This is okay for Barbie, but not for grown women. The more you pay the more natural the hairline looks on Lace Wigs.
Quickweaves A Quickweave is the process of gelling your natural hair down with a protein or oil enriched gel, covering it with a stocking cap, spraying the base down with spritz and sitting under a hooded dryer for an hour to an hour and half. Then apply quick drying bonding glue to cut measured pieces of wefted hair of your choice, and applying the glued pieces to your harden based. Now I don’t know who came up with the bright idea of calling this a quickweave, when there is absolutely nothing quick about it. If done right this hair style can take just as long as a sew in. Many people think they are doing it the correct way until it’s time to remove the quickweave. The gelled down based needs to be hard, this will ensure that the glue cannot penetrate into your natural hair. Also when the glue is applied, be sure to use quick drying bonding glue. Think of when you are applying false eyelashes. You apply the glue to the lashes, and blow dry to a sticky, tacky consistency. Then you apply your lashes. Well this is the same concept; apply the glued hair after it has reached a tacky feeling, to prevent the glue from bleeding and running onto wefted hair or most importantly your natural hair. If you have visited a hairstylist and this process did not take long, you probably ended up with damage upon taking it out. Another con of wearing this technique is that is very short lived. The hardened based will soften as humidity, sweat, and time are applied. This will cause a two week or less timeframe for wearing this style.
Sew-In If you can afford it, a Sew-in is the best protection. The sew-in is the process of shampoo, condition, deep condition and braiding the hair down in an intricate pattern, making sure to leave a portion out to cover the tracks, or braid all up for a complete sew-in. Then with a curved needle, threaded with silk thread begin sewing 100% virgin human hair to your braids and style as desired. This style can last anywhere from two months to six months. The hair underneath is of the utmost importance. Be sure to apply light oil to the scalp, preferably medicated to promote hair growth and aid in any mildew that can occur. To prevent mildew, make sure that when you wash your sew in, you dry your cornrows as much as possible. Due to poor circulation of air between the sewing and braids, mildew can occur as a light stench to an all-out bad odor. This is not cute, take care of your hair. The sew-in process can take about 3 to 4 hours.
Latch Hook Weaving Latch Hook Weaving or Crochet Hair Method, is the process of weaving non-wefted hair extensions with a crochet needle to your cornrowed hair. There are absolutely no chemicals, thread, or bonding glue used in the application process. This is a safe and natural way to add different curl or wave patterns without harm to your natural hair. This is not a new method of weaving hair. Think back to high school, they were called crochet braids. Remember, they were literally small braids styled in different curl and wave patterns. It gave a knock off freestyle braid look for half the price. The latch hook hair weaving can be removed by unbraiding your natural cornrows allowing the crochets to fall freely from hair. The braids can last from 6 to 8 weeks. As with a sew-in make sure that you dry hair completely after shampooing to prevent mildew while applying a medicated oil to scalp for soothing and mildew prevention. In closing, the ultimate goal of the natural and transitioning hair wearer is protection to promote healthy hair growth. I have provided you with an abundance of styling choices that work on all naturals, but be wise and choose what works best for you and your wallet.
By: Josie Sloan
It’s Saturday night on the north side of Houston. It’s your birthday, and you and your girls can’t wait to get to the club to turn up. Face beat. Hair done. Dress to impress. Stilettos on high. You have your bottle and setup waiting on you in your reserved VIP section, and if that runs out, no need to worry; J. Durham has drinks specials overflowing all night long. Need to absorb some of that alcohol? Request a menu from the bar to order from the full kitchen available until closing. If you need to take a break from the DJ playing the top 40 hits as well as all of your favorite line dances then you can check out some of the swagged up fellas enjoying a fine cigar, and ask if you can have next in a game of free pool. If this is the Friday/Saturday night you are looking for? Then look no further than J. Durham Prestige Lounge. Located at 14641 Gladebrook Drive, Houston, Texas 77068. Off of FM 1960, between Walters Road and Veterans Memorial. Hours of Operation 9pm to 2am To RSVP tables sections and bottles call 281-444-0775 Ladies free before 10 pm and $10.00 to get in. 23 and up preferred. Dress code strictly enforced: No excessive baggy clothing, athletic wear, ball caps or t-shirts allowed.
Hello Gina! 1st and foremost shatter your labels! They are nothing more than ugly boundaries dressed up to look like badges of honor. I am not saying not to be proud of being Mom or of your sons, Dear Tia, but what I am saying is that is not what defines I am a single mom of 2 young men! you. That’s only the beginning of who you My oldest is in his 2nd year with really are! Your sons are transitioning into men, college, and my 2nd son is departing and now it’s time for you to transition into a in August to start a career in the single woman! STOP identifying your sons’ new military. I find myself stressing over beginnings as your death sentence. Hop on the upcoming stillness of my home. YouTube and begin to dance around your I have always been known as “Mike house to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” This is the and Shawn’s Mom.” Everything most exciting time of your journey because centered around them. It sounds you now have more control! When children are pathetic to say, but I don’t know young, they require so much of your time! You who I am outside of “Mom.” How do are now at a place where you can discover a I change or transition into something new you! Change your hair, change the way else when I don’t even know what you dress, and change your regular routine! that something else is? Change invites deliverance from monotony! You are use to living your life a certain way, -Gina D. but that way is no longer existent, so it is time to create a new way! Start by LIVING ON PURPOSE! Show up to your life everyday! Life is not about obstacles, but about the journey. Honor your journey. Look in the mirror, and bring YOU to your attention. I end with a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert (Author of “Eat, Love, Pray”) “And the day has to come when the risk to remain tight in a bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.” #BlossomBaby
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Hey Kayla! What kind of Churches are you visiting? Who do you think the Church is full of? The liars Dear Tia, go to Church. The adulterers go to Church. The I am a proud lesbian in a very hap- promiscuous go to church. Murderers go to py and committed relationship. My Church. Sex offenders go to Church. Gossipers partner and I want to join a church go to Church. So, why not you? and begin to better ourselves spiri- First Kayla, let me give you a couple stats about tually. However, every time we visit the church! According to Hartford institute of a church, we are gawked at and Religion research, only 20% of Americans physwhispered about. What should we ically attend church on a weekly basis. So for be looking for in a church where we you and your partner to even want to join one is know our lifestyle is accepted? a bless-ing! Ha! An analysis completed by the Barna Group (an -Kayla B. organization that stud-ies Religious data) confirms that 3500-4000 Churches close their doors every year. Furthermore, Churches lose 2.7 million members annually as a result of religious traditions. (i.e. women cannot wear pants in the church) My opinion is the Church is now just a bunch of organized cha-os, and it is the definite downfall of Christianity. I know it sounds as if I am trying to talk you out of finding a Church home when really I am trying to help you eliminate the erro-neous ones. When in pursuit of Church home, you have to know what you desire, so you know what you are looking for! First and fore-most, God is LOVE, and the Holy Spirit is conducive to hospital-ity. This is why the Bible says “Come all.” (Rev. 22:17) You have got to stop using others as your barometer for your “better me” breakthroughs. We are asked by God to measure ourselves against ourselves, so that we can fulfill our own un-derstood duty designed just for us by God. (Romans 12:3) Now, there is a bit of an accountability here that cannot go ignored. Your fear of rejection is apparent. Why does this fear compel you to hide? Its time to expose your creativity and personality. What do you have to offer the Church in return for guiding your spiritual personification? Creativity must be culti-vated. When you finally find the Church you and your partner are happy and comfortable with, get involved. If you are a singer, join the choir. If you are good with a camera or com-puter, become a tech. New opportunities command us to dis-cover our greatness. “Greater is He that is in me, than he who is in the world.” (1st John 4:4) Kayla, your crown has already been bought and paid for. All you have to do is put it on!
Questions for Tia? Do you have a question for Tia, let us know takeitfromtia@lecharmemagazine.com
FEATURE
Photography: DeiIra Smith-Collard Makeup: India Herderson Hair: Josie Sloan Styling Preme
Crystal Wall AND THE
Mixfitz
Phenomenon By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
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FEATURE
S
omething can be said for the woman that inspires, uplifts and looks stunning while doing it. From the moment she steps through the door, dressed comfortably in her camo colored ensemble, sipping on her Starbucks Venti green tea, she exudes beauty, confidence, and kindness. When she enters a room you take notice; she has a quiet captivating calm that draws you to her and an undeniable realness that makes you feel as if she has been your friend for years. With the combination of beauty and brains, Crystal Wall, wife of Houston’s own rapper Paul Wall is a force to be reckoned with. She is not the woman that stands in the shadows of her famous husband waiting for things to happen, Crystal is the woman that is constantly working, growing and evolving into a successful instructor, business owner and phenomenal woman. As Crystal takes her seat to prep for her photo shoot she opens up about the woman behind the Mixfitz phenomenon. What you will immediately notice about her is that family and love is at the core of who she is. “I’m a family girl” she remarks “I surround myself with family, and we like to have fun and we like to eat.” There is a smile on her face as she remembers they way a family friend would jokingly bribe her with her favorite treats to coax her into things. She laughs at the memory and talks about the change that started it all. Being southern born and raised, food and family was always around her, but making a cross country move to Los Angeles, California caused her lifestyle to gradually change. “Here we drive a lot and we eat a lot, but out there they are walking and eating organic.” Moving to California where the nearest “soul food” restaurant was twenty minutes away caused her to take a closer look at how and what they were eating. Everyone
around her was eating salads when all she wanted was a good plate of hot wings. It was a moment after her mother visited, and she decided to treat her to California’s version of soul food that things start to change. Mother was not impressed and after a forty minute roundtrip drive and a check nearing two hundred dollars for a not so great meal, Crystal decided more meals at home was the answer. She became conscience of what she was putting into her body, she began to work with a trainer and soon she was fifty pounds down. She says” I was looking good and feeling good!” In addition to weight loss Crystal had also found more of herself. Being in a new state, so far from her family she learned to open up more. “Living out there helped me change my life and the way I saw things in general. It made me a more open person.” Even with a great start such as this we can all encounter setbacks and Crystal is no stranger to adversity in her transformation journey. Her tone slightly changes as she talks about the loss of her father. Her voice is still strong as she speaks about this emotional period in her life, but there is a tenderness there that lets you know how this loss truly affects her. “ I was running from something, I was unhappy.” Crystal continues to talk about how moving back to Houston also caused her to relapse in her weight loss. She was back to the city where food was in abundance, and Bonfire Wings enticed her with it’s menu. Even with life’s challenges she continued on. Her defining moment was seeing her husband and being motivated by him. After starting his weight loss journey, she says “He was getting too fine too fast. Let me do something.” Wanting a better life for herself and her family, she not only to recommits herself to her journey but to also decides see it
all the way through. Crystal and hubby Paul Wall began to revamp favorite family dishes. With her husband having such strict dietary needs she found a way to make them fun and pack them with flavor. Cooking meals such as “Jerk Vegetables and Stewed Vegetables”, Crystal found ways to make sure they were moving towards that healthier lifestyle. “If you gotta eat small and you gotta eat vegetables, at least let them taste good!” Adding the taste of home is how she found ways to sneak more vegetables not only into her diet but her children’s as well. With her renewed sense of health Crystal began to work out again. She is a woman that knows herself. Knowing that she needs an exercise regimen that was going to keep her interested, she found yoga first. “I used to do yoga, but instead of doing it to the water music you usually hear we did yoga to Trey Songz.” Everyone in the room smiles at the thought of Yoga to Trey Songz, this might actually get more people doing Yoga. From yoga she moved to Zumba and fell in love. “What I liked about Zumba is I got to dance. It felt like a party.” Her eyes light up as she talks about her love for what she does. The more she did it, the more she realized she had to share this with the world. Crystal became a licensed instructor, and though some may think that her success is rooted in the success of her husband it is not. She is no stranger to hard work. Working since the age of fourteen and having three jobs while in college she knows how to hustle. Starting her career as an instructor she taught at places such as the YMCA,
Bally’s in Greenspoint, and on Wednesday nights at the House of Dereon. “I went where ever they would have me.” she explains. When asked why did she choose this route, when many would without hesitation use their husband’s celebrity status to build their brand, she sits up just a bit taller and says “You don’t have to depend on a man, I love my husband, I love him seriously, but God is the reason for the season in my life. I had to learn.” Crystal found it important to get as much growth and knowledge and experience as an instructor before starting her own.”People respect you more when they’ve seen you work hard.” In addition to learning and working hard, her concern for people; real women with real issues was another reason for her teaching where she could.She found women like herself , her mother, and her friends; everyday women that she could teach and motivate for one hour to help them release stress, have fun and ultimately get healthy. This hard working ethic translates into the way she runs Mixfitz Studios. The next day the Le Charme team immerses itself into Mixfitz with Crystal. Some of us have done her class when she first started but we didn’t know what we were in store for. Crystal stands in front of the class and gives her rules for Mixfitz. The first one is have fun and have fun we did. Pittbull’s Fireball thumps from the speakers and everybody finds a spot and the party begins. The class follows Crystal’s movements, with each song the workout becomes more and more intense, the music changes from hip hop, to pop and somethings in between as the group moves together like we are in a stand
battle on an episode of Bring It. This class is unlike any other dance class I’ve ever done. It is a celebration and a family with a instructor at the head that really cares. Crystal moves about the class, motivating us, dancing along side the women who look to her to help them reach their health goals. Without realizing it an hour has passed and we are in our second hour of the workout. One woman shouts out “Give us one more Crystal, I’ve almost burned 1500 calories.” Crystal obliges the request, turns the lights off and steps back in front of the class to give us a crash course in the moves to this routine. We watch Crystal and begin to practice the move she has just shown the room, but before she could put the music on something magical happens. The class begins to sing the song, En Vogue’s Giving Him Something He Can Feel in harmony. Verse by Verse the women sing, with different people alternating between the lead, while the rest of us perform the choreography and background vocals. These women are comfortable, with no fear of judgement and free to have fun. They are having fun, and losing weight. In this moment, seeing her in action I truly understand the Mixfitz Phenomenon. This is not just exercise, this is an experience and culture all its own. Crystal leads her team of instructors offering encouragement, meal plans, personal training and a list of ever growing group classes. She has transformed her class from Zumba to what she calls Mixfitz. She combines, workout moves, with club bangers, Houston music, a bit of twerk fitness, and sprinkle of Latin flare. It’s unique and memorable. With a total of nine instructors working under her, Mixitz Studios offers many different types of workout options. All of her instructors are supportive, and encourage through love. Crystal Wall sticks to her philosophy “It’s not about the weight loss, it’s about changing your lifestyle.” She has goals of growing her business, opening several locations and taking her classes in the road. A true transformation brings about change both inside and out. She demonstrates this in her life every day. With a total loss of 75 pounds, a successful business and a beautiful family, she is a walking example that with the right mindset, we can have it all and that you can reach your destination if you are willing to take the journey.
There is the click of your heels echoing as you cross the room to light a candle. Soft and sexy music plays in the background as you spray yourself with a sensual fragrance that’s guaranteed to intoxicate him with desire. It’s that special day, Valentine’s day, the day that love takes hold of your senses and you become engulfed with thoughts of desire. We remember to prepare and plan everything from the best gift to the sexiest wardrobe so that everything will be perfect, but what about protection? Some people don’t want to talk about it, conversations about condoms can instantly kill the mood but it shouldn’t. Although not the sexiest of topics to discuss it is definitely a relevant subject. For some of us that are in a committed MONOGAMOUS relationship, this may not be at the top of your list of things to buy for that special day but honestly speaking everyone is not in a committed relationship. Some of us are even celebrating National Side Piece Day. With everyone trying to feel the love on Valentine’s day, it’s no wonder International Condom Day was created. International Condom Day is celebrated in conjunction with Valentine’s Day. This informal holiday is to promote the use of condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancy as well as the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. The AIDS Healthcare Foundation is one association that heavily promotes this informal holiday. Using the slogan “Love is the Best Protection” this organization spreads
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Love &Sex
the word of safer sex and challenges you to love yourself enough to protect yourself. AHF organizes events worldwide to promote the use of condoms, educate people on STD’s and celebrate love. Some may say why talk about this and start a holiday on what’s supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, well the short answer is “So you will listen”. It’s an attention getter and a constant reminder to be safe. The fact is there are more than 19 million STI cases reported yearly. That’s a lot unprotected sex and even worse, it’s something that can be prevented. Condoms are a proven method for reducing your risk. With Valentine’s day right around the corner, remember to be safe. It’s definitely more important to be safer than to regret the actions of one heated night. Keeping condoms on hand so there is never an excuse or reason for not using them is a good practice, and remember the sexiest gift you can give is perfect health to vvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvyourself.
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Do you have something you want to sound off about. email us at: khahelah@lecharmemagazine.com
WITH Khahelah Thornton
Excuse Me I can’t express my frustration when standing in line at a grocery store or department store. After the cashier rings up my items and I go to swipe my card, I notice the person in line after me is literally two inches away from me. I used to give the loud sigh and eye roll as I make it known that I’m blocking my pin number because I think they are absolutely rude. Now in days, I simply say, “Excuse me.” Just as the person makes eye contact with me looking eager to find out how they can help me, “ I ask, can you please step back, I feel as if you are way too close.” How Rude, USA
Room Mate Replacement Needed I live in an apartment with a room mate. The one thing I can’t understand is if we both pay rent then why on earth lock both locks while you are in the apartment alone, knowing that I can’t get in because you can only unlock one lock from the outside. If I don’t lock you out of the place where you live and pay bills, then why not give me the same respect. Time to Move, TX
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Parking Lot Antics When I park my car I try to make sure there is equal room on both sides of the lines, if I feel as though the cars parked next the available space are over the line or will be too close to my vehicle to allow them or myself to fully open the door, simply move on to find another space. Well, with that being said. I went to a store whose parking lot was practically empty. I parked my car, there were no cars parked in anyone of the spaces close to me. I went into the store, as I came out I was beyond frustrated to find two parked cars next to me. One car parked appropriate, my passengers had no trouble getting into their side of the car. While the other car was parked so close to me I could not enter my car from that side without some strategic exercises and side stepping. I couldn’t even put my kids in the car and buckle them into their seats from the drivers side. They literally had to crawl across the car from the passenger side to sit in their seats. As I’m attempting to get into the driver seat without bumping my car door to the car I notice a lady putting two children into the passenger side of another vehicle. She was wasting time acting as if she was doing so much extra by attempting to avoid contact with me. She knew she was dead as wrong. Cursethe Helfa, TX
Healthy Eating Tips and Tricks By: Josie Sloan Okay ladies we know what time it is, weight loss time. But instead of weight loss, let’s concentrate on healthy eating. Use the healthy changes below to makeover your eating habits, and have a successful 2015.
Do the Math
Deprivation of favorite foods and meals can only result in overindulging when you finally decide to eat them, and put a halt on your diet. Instead of concentrating on subtracting your favorite foods, try adding fiber rich fruit and vegetables.
Meal Makeovers If you love pizza, try making your own. Start out with toasted low carb flatbread, top with turkey pepperoni, low fat cheese, fresh veggie toppings and crushed low sodium can tomatoes. This can cut your large slice of restaurant style pizza calories in half and you have a larger serving to satisfy you. Maybe you like to drink your calories. Try switching from high-calorie soda to diet. Sometimes low calorie soda can have a bad after taste. Try mixing diet soda with regular, and adjust until your taste palate has been acquired. To cure that sweet tooth, mix fresh strawberries with vanilla flavored Greek yogurt, and granola. Eat this in lieu of ice cream to get your sweet fix.
Water Water Everywhere
It is recommended to drink eight 8 ounce glasses of water a day. Keep in mind if you are working out to drink more. The more you sweat the more water your body losses. This can help with ridding the body of water weight, but may result in dehydration. Drink at least 16 ounces during a workout and a glass before and after each meal. It may seem like a lot but it helps to flush out accumulated toxins in the body.
Split 50/50
We have all been taught to clean our plate. Based on how big this plate is, you may not want to do that. Try eating off of a salad plate instead of the dinner plate. It tricks the brain into thinking you are eating a large meal when you have only ate an accurate portion. Most restaurant portions are massive. Tell your waiter or waitress to serve half of your meal and box up the rest. It may seem cheap but if you and your spouse or dinner companion have the same taste try going “Dutch” and split a meal. This way, you can save everyone those extra calories.
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3 Essential Oils
Needed in Ever y Home
By: Chole Leviston
We are in a world where things have become chemical based and over processed. We don’t realize how greatly these inorganic items poorly impact our body and overall health. Because of this, I’m always looking for natural ways to treat the common aches and illness. With everything being chemically manipulated, it’s often easy to lose sight of more natural ways to cure our ailments. Since high school I’ve suffered from migraine headaches that would literally make me not want to get out of bed, eat, or even speak. I was so tired of popping pills due to the consistent headaches that lasted all day. Many times I would take more than the recommended doses. I knew there had to be a better way. I begin to research natural ways to cure headaches. During my research I came across peppermint essential oils and thought it sounded easy and inexpensive. I brought my first essential oil from the local GNC. From that day on I’ve invested in essential oils. Here are the three must haves and what they have done for me.
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Peppermint Essential oil: If you are like me and suffer from horrific migraines, inhaling peppermint oil or using a diffuser can eliminate migraine symptoms. If you want that fresh and so clean smelling breath, add 4 drops of peppermint essential oil to 6 ounces of water gargle for 20 seconds and stay kissable for hours. Relax those muscles after a hard workout or a long day at work with a peppermint oil rub down. The best way to use peppermint oil as massage therapy is to mix it with a carrier. A carrier oil is a base used to dilute essential oils, because some of the oils can be too harsh for our skin. Using any carrier oil such as olive oil, almond oil, or joba oil, add few drops of peppermint oil and massage those muscle to recovery.
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Lavender Oil: Lavender oil is calming oil so if you suffer from anxiety inhaling lavender can keep you from knocking someone’s lights out or even help give you a peaceful night of sleep. Using a cotton swab drop 2 to 3 drops on it and let the serenity begin. Lavender also repels insects. So if you are planning a camping trip be sure to pack your lavender oil. Apply directly to the skin to protect from insect attacks. If you have any skin irritations with this oil just use a carrier oil along with the lavender oil. Tea Tree Oil: One of my favorites because it has so many uses. If you suffer from acne or sensitive skin cleanse your face daily with tea tree oil and watch the difference after one week. Saturate a cotton swab with water, add two drops of tea tree oil, and cleanse your face with swab. Lastly rinse the mixture off with warm water, dry with a clean towel and your face will feel tight and refreshed. If you notice your skin a little dry afterward, use coconut oil for moisture. Tea tree oil can be used as antiseptic. If you work in the yard and ants bite you don’t reach for the rubbing alcohol reach for the tea tree oil. Tea tree oil will stop the itching and disinfect the bite all at the same time. It can even help suppress symptoms of chronic diseases such as asthma. Suffers of asthma should drop a few drops of tea tree oil into a humidifier to relieve their symptoms. All of these oils can be found at your local Whole Foods, GNC or HEB. When purchasing any essential oil be sure that it’s 100% pure oil. Popular brands are NOW, Nature’s Alchemy and Aura Cacia.
Out With The Old, In With The New By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
With each passing year we celebrate by making the same tired new year’s resolutions. Within seconds of the new year’s countdown, you will see countless post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and more that proclaim just how much bigger and better this year will be. With a hope in our eyes we step into the new year motivated, enlightened, and eagerly looking forward to the months ahead, because this is your year, right? WRONG. Fast forward a month ahead and your resolutions are forgotten. Maybe this isn’t your year. New Year’s resolutions are often forgotten and dismissed within a week of setting them. So what will make this year any different than the countless ones before? The simple answer to that is you. To make any type of transformation you must first identify your readiness and need to change. It’s impossible to stick to a goal that you are not committed to reaching. When it comes to making change we first have to change the way we think about things. The next step to creating the new you is to set REALISTIC goals. Setting the bar too high can cause setbacks and feelings of defeat. It’s okay to want to lose fifty pounds; work towards reaching your goals, but don’t forget to celebrate the small victories. Set attainable goals, you have a full year to work towards your success, there is no reason you have to pack everything into January. Once you put your plan into action don’t be discouraged by minor setbacks. Things will happen; life will happen, but keep your focus and don’t beat yourself up too bad. If you fall off the wagon there is nothing to do but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and climb right back on top. Share your experience with someone else who may be trying to reach the same goals and aspirations as you. Group classes at the gym, continued learning classes, workshops and seminars are a good way to get a jump start on your resolutions, whatever they may be. This will surround you with like minded people that share a common interest. Surrounding yourself with support and the ability to share your motivation with others can help you stay on track. One of the most meaningful and important rules of being successful is knowing that you can change. In anything we do it’s always more mental than it ever is physical. Being mentally strong and firm in your decisions will place you on a path to accomplishment. Remembering these few tips is an awesome stepping stone to reaching your goals in not only resolutions but life in general. Just remember to stick with it and follow through and your next new year’s celebration may be for your accomplishments of last year’s success and the hope for more in the year to come.
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Counting Your Coins By: Josie Sloan
Have you ever asked yourself, “I make a decent salary, but why am I always broke?” Maybe you just received a raise and six months later you’re telling yourself, “I just have to make it until the end of the year when I get my bonus.” Do you think that Uncle Sam is really your uncle because you cannot wait until it is income tax season, and he visits your bank account? If so, this is where creating a budget comes in handy. Most people feel that you need extra money to pay your bills when actually they need to obtain a budget. According to Webster’s Online Dictionary, the definition of a budget is a sum of money allocated for a particular purpose; or a summary of intended expenditures along with proposals for how to meet them. Simply put, the monthly salary you receive should be spread out among your monthly expenses; and the money you have left over each month should be planned accordingly. “I make money to spend money,” is what my husband use to tell me. My line of thinking was,” if I’m going to be broke, I need something to show for it.” Can you tell that we were both young and ignorant? If an emergency surfaced we were pretty much S.O.L. because we didn’t have a savings. There is and always will be places to go, but when it was time for a vacation we didn’t have any money for it. It took both of us working as a team to transform our line of thinking and obtain the discipline needed to get our finances in order. Budgets do not have to be strict. Think of it as a guideline to let you know how far you can, or
Step 1: Use what you got to get what you want
Calculate how much you bring home on monthly basis after taxes and deductions. Do not include anything that is not a constant flow of income. Your cousin who owes you a $100.00 does not count. Lesson learned, don’t lend out what you will miss. Step 2: Make it rain
Calculate all the expenses that you have such as utilities, mortgage or rent, car note, insurance, childcare, and so on. A good tip is to open up your online banking and list all of the expenses you incurred from the previous month. This will allow you to see how much you don’t cook, and to stop feeding your children McDonald’s all the time. Step 3: Cut Her Off
Begin to reduce, or eliminate some expenses. Here is where the discipline we discussed earlier comes in. For example, you have going to the movies, Cable with Premium Channels, Red Box, and Netflix; surely you should see something wrong with this picture. Use your best judgment; consider what works best for you and your family. Step 4: Move Dat Doh Subtract your total expenses from your total income. This is how much you should have left at the end of the month. It would be best to open additional account and move that money to it. This is your savings or slush fund for when those unexpected bills occur; or that vacation you keep putting off.
These four simple steps can have your household and finances headed in the right direction. In addition to these steps, I have also attached a simple spreadsheet. Fill in the blanks to see where you currently stand financially. Once everything has been filled out, you can see what corners you need to cut in order to stay out of the red.
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GIVING: By: Dalana Bryant
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Do You Pass the Test?
If you were asked to write a list of all the things you like about church, you may say you like the praise & worship team, the preacher or maybe the children’s ministry. Now what if you were asked to write a list of all the things you dislike about church? What would that list look like? Would giving be at the top of your list?Let’s face it; the quickest way to clear out a church is to ask people to give. Some people will even walk out of church right after prayer because they know the offering comes next. If we ask ourselves where these ill feelings of giving stems from, one might say it is because of pastors who have not been called by God,
but called by greed.Others simply just do not want to give and do not feel they need to. It is important to understand that giving is not for the benefit of the church or even pastors; giving ultimately benefits us. We have all heard or quoted a portion of Acts 20:35, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Blessings come from sharing our gifts with God and it takes a level of spiritual maturity to understand giving and how to reap the benefits of giving. Take a look beyond the surface and examine what giving really means. Malachi 3:10 says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my
house. Test me in this,” says
the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” Here lies a challenge from God to test Him through our giving. This is a challenge that many fail because of the lack of obedience and succumbing to flesh. Our minds can be disrupted God encourages us to do. So what happens when the paycheck is barely enough to pay rent? Do you test God by giving your tithe and trust Him to bless you?
LIVING Or do you take matters into your own hands and worry about God later? Giving is similar to a 401K plan. Typical plans allow contributions up to a percentage and most employers will match contributions dollar for dollar. Giving to the Kingdom of God works in a similar way, except this plan produces far better returns on investments because God does not match, He always exceeds. Of course, there is some discomfort in giving. It is not easy for people to give what they think they do not have. The truth is they do have it; they just make a conscience decision not to give it. It took years before I became a true tither. I deceived myself into thinking my tithes do not matter. Wrong! My tithe does matter because not only does it help provide for the Kingdom of God, it is the only way I can show God that I trust Him, especially with my finances. When I pay my tithe, that past due light bill due is no longer my bill; it is God’s bill and I assure you He will pay it. After many epic fails taking matters into my own hands, I finally understood and embraced the formula for giving: Tithe + Consistency = Blessings. Suppose you want to boil a pot of water. First you grab a pot. Then you pour in some water and turn up the heat. After a short time, the water will start to warm up and you’ll begin to see some steam letting you know that the water is getting warm. If you leave the water on just a while longer, it will begin to boil. You’ll see even more steam letting you know that the water is hot. Now depending on how much water you put in the pot, the longer the pot stays on the heat and the higher the temperature, the more the water will boil and eventually the water will start to spill over. The tithe is just like that pot of boiling water. First you choose a church home. Then you bring your tithe into your church to test God. After a short time of giving, you start to see some improvement in your situation letting you know that God recognizes your sacrifice. You continue to give over time and your blessings start pouring in. Now depending on your how much you give and continue to give, the blessings will start to overflow. I experience God’s blessings because I consistently give my time, my talent and my treasure. I have been on both sides of the tithing debate and I understand how difficult it is to give one-tenth of your check when it is barely enough to pay your bills in the first place. I also understand the principles of giving and I know that it is in fact better to give than to receive. I give from my heart and when I do, I fully expect God to act on my behalf because of my obedience. Pastor Barry Primes of the Fellowship of Faith Christian Center in Houston, Texas says, “When your heart is prepared to give, it determines the reception and the return! Do not allow your flesh to corrupt the gift. The return is certain; therefore well worth the short-term discomfort of giving.” The saying goes, “give until it hurts”, but pain comes from an unprepared heart and mind. Spiritually mature givers are eager to bless God. We worry more about what will happen if we do not give because we have created a habit. To break that habit of giving would be detrimental to our spiritual lifestyle and would disrupt the flow of blessings from God. And the blessings are abundant! They are available for you and for me because God is no respecter of persons. What He did for one, He’ll also do for another. With that in mind, why not test God?
By: Tasha Boudreaux
I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying, “If I knew then, what I know now”. That saying is often quoted by people as they grow wiser. I am an 18 year survivor of domestic violence. While a senior in high school, at the age of 17, I got married. My exhusband was in active duty in the military in North Carolina. After graduating high school in 1989, I left Texas to join him in North Carolina. I endured physical, emotional, and verbal abuse from my abuser. The first incident of occurred after 6 months of marriage. I can honestly say I was shocked. I had never even heard of anyone who had been abused. After the incident, my ex-husband cried and asked for forgiveness, stating it would never happen again. I believed him. Unfortunately, we would get into arguments and the abuse would start again. My ex-husband started becoming defiant in the military. A military official ordered my ex-husband evaluated and take counseling. He was diagnosed as a Manic Depressant. Neither of us had any idea of what that actually entailed (we didn’t have internet
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back then). However, he took medication for about 3 months. Although the medication did calm him down, and the fighting subdued, he didn’t like the way it made him feel. Regrettably, he stopped taking the medication. The fights started again. This time, he would lash out and fight anyone he thought was a threat, or even address him in a way he deemed unbecoming. Because I knew he had issues, I found myself trying to help him. I thought if I could minimize his stress or anxiety, maybe he would be okay. I wasn’t afraid of him. Family members kept advising me to get out of the relationship. I would respond to them that they didn’t understand. I tried explaining that he really was a good guy, with a good heart. He just needed help. We had a very weird, dysfunctional relationship. He was in and out of jail. When he would get out, we would be at each other again. Unfortunately, the arguments and fighting got too much for me to handle. We were literally fighting every week. I was at a breaking point, realizing things were getting worse. I would fight back, and then call the police.
Because my ex-husband had scratches on him that I did during an altercation, the police threatened to take me to jail. I knew at this point, I starting thinking I must be the one that’s crazy. I couldn’t save him, I had to save me. This dysfunctional living went on for five years. I felt ashamed, and believed no one else could possibly be going through problems like I was experiencing. In 1992, after a physical altercation, I pressed charges against my abuser for physical assault. I became a resident at a domestic violence shelter for women, at The Bridge Over Troubled Water in Pasadena, TX. My estranged husband was arrested. He served 7 months imprisonment for assault. Unfortunately, I still didn’t understand the dynamics of domestic violence, and once again found myself back in a relationship with my abuser. The abuse continued. I wanted out. I figured the only way out of a relationship with him would be to move to another state. Because the shelter had helped me before with counseling, I found myself at the same shelter again. I felt like “why me?” I had to leave my family, my job, and the life I once knew. However, this time, I was determined not to be a victim again. Because I only had a high school diploma, I began taking classes such as life skills, interviewing skills, financing, and also attended counseling sessions. I was determined, that I wasn’t going to go back to living my life in fear. I continued to put my faith in God, trusting that he had more in store for me. I held on to key scriptures such as
Exodus 3:17 and I Peter 5:10 that have kept me along the way. My estranged husband was given a 15 year sentence for the solicitation of drugs. While he was incarcerated, I filed for a divorce, and never looked back.
and could have my son with me, I decided to start caring for children.
Starting up the daycare business was a blessing from God. I didn’t have much money, my credit was terrible, and had no experience. I bought furniture and supplies from Starting a new life was definitely had the caregiver who was closing her its challenges. It was difficult for business. Later, she became my me to find work that paid enough mentor and prayer partner. I gleaned to cover the necessities of life such a lot of information from her on the as shelter, food, clothing, and child ins and outs of the business. care. I found myself depending on I started out small, renting a TDHH by receiving benefits such as house. I used the money from TANF, food stamps, Medicaid, and my unemployment to pay the child care assistance. Although I felt rent. During the evening, I would as if I was at the lowest point in my put flyers in the surrounding life, I knew others had it worse than neighborhoods, and open at 6:00 I did. However, I kept praying to a.m. hoping someone would call. God for things to improve. I did this for about 2 months, no calls, no children. However, I continued to walk by faith, believing someone would call. Eventually, the calls started coming. I was now at capacity, with a waiting list. Within 6 years, I was able to purchase a building for a daycare center. Through determination, At that time, there were so many perseverance, and a lot of hard negative news reports on daycare work, I continued working 70centers. I feared leaving my son with 80 hours a week to expand my business. Within the next 4 years, I someone I didn’t trust. obtained my second daycare center. Fortunately, I come from a family Four years later, in 2008, I opened lineage of entrepreneurs.My mother my third child development center. was a business owner of a real estate company. Growing up, I spent a There is a huge responsibility in lot of time helping her. I gained a operating a business. Unfortunately, lot of knowledge in operating and I wasn’t taking care of myself managing a business. I started through proper rest, and nutrition. pondering the idea of going into My body shut down on me. I had business for myself. Because I no movement on the left side of my always had a love for children, body. I was hospitalized for three days. The diagnosis was too much stress on my body. I started working as a part time receptionist. Unfortunately, business wasn’t going well, and I was fired (on my day off)! On top of this bad news, I was informed by my son’s child care provider that she was no longer going to continue caring for children.
I found myself focusing more on my relationship
with God. He is a God of restoration, healing the broken heart, and showing his glory. I decided I was going to live for him, being obedient and seeking his guidance for my life. He has truly opened doors and shown his favor upon my life.
your ashes. I do believe in the saying “I can forgive, but won’t forget”. I have forgiven my abuser for all that was done to me. However, I choose not to forget, in order to remember that God has brought me out of Egypt, never to return.
I decided to further my education by enrolling in North Harris Community College. Later I received my Bachelor of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies EC-4th grade, and continued on to obtain my Master Degree in Social Work from the University of Houston.
Even though my domestic violence happened over 18 years ago, I was recently subpoena by the courts to testify against my ex-husband, who is currently incarcerated for assault with a deadly weapon against a family member (his girlfriend). Unfortunately, he still hasn’t accepted he is the one with the problem.
For the past 20 years, I am the proud owner of three (3) child development schools. God has also blessed me with a wonderful husband, who just happens to work in law enforcement (smile), and truly loves me. Now I truly know the real meaning of love. I have three wonderful children, ages 15, and 22, and 29. Currently, I volunteer my time at the Montgomery County Women’s Center, helping to empower other women and children who are experiencing domestic abuse. My work at the women’s center is not because I want to, but because I have to. I have to give back what was so graciously given to me, another chance. I am forever mindful that my success and blessings are from God. I continue to ask him to keep me humble, and a good steward over what he has entrusted to me. I now understand why I endured the abuse of my past. I use it as a testimony of how God can still protect you in the midst of your storm, and give you beauty for
Twenty years ago, talking openly about domestic violence seemed to be taboo. Victims of abuse oftentimes believed they were the reason for the abuse. We were ashamed, and felt if we had not done something or said something, then maybe the outcome of abuse would have been different. Fortunately, it’s not the victim, or our behavior, but the abuser. I now speak openly about domestic violence to educated and inform the community that this is an epidemic that affects the entire household and community as a whole. After much research, we now know that 1 out of 4 women are abused or know someone who has been abused. Sometimes, I used to wonder, if someone would have told me their story of domestic violence, how that could have impacted my life. I truly believe it is my obligation to tell others of my domestic violence abuse. My hope is that if I could tell one woman my story, then maybe the
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