RS - January 2016

realsimple LIFE MADE EASIER

happy + healthy organized + satisfied

THIS YEAR IS FOR YOU YOUR PL AN TO: REDIRECT STRE SS

MA STER MAKE-AHE AD ME ALS NEGOTIATE A RAISE EDIT YOUR WARDROBE

and find some peace + quiet

JANUARY 2016

I’ll ring in the new.

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“I can make a case that I regret nothing. After all, most of my mistakes turned out to be things I survived, or turned into funny stories, or, on occasion, even made money from.”

Photograph by Eli Reed

JANUARY 2016

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YO UR MONTHLY D OSE OF USEFUL TIDBIT S, TIMELY TRIVIA, AND C ATCHY CONVER SATION STARTER S

2/3 How many Americans stay within their county lines when they move to a new home, according to the latest update of the U.S. Census Bureau Migration report. Even though the average person moves about a dozen times in a lifetime, people tend to remain close to their previous base unless work forces them farther away, says neuroanthropologist John S. Allen.

“Local moves require some adjustment,” he says. “But because the external environment remains familiar, the added stress is limited.

Long moves, however, create a psychological double-whammy.” Allen’s new book, Home: How Habitat Made Us Human, explores the ways humans’ relationships to their homes have helped to shape our evolution. It also explains how diferent we are in this regard compared with other species. Example: One of our closest relatives, the ape, never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row. And we’re the only creature that experiences homesickness (snif) as we know it.

27%

5,257 16% The percentage of Americans who decided not to make New Year’s resolutions in 2014, a Nielsen survey found.

That’s a pretty smart (non)move, considering that research says most people who do make resolutions end up abandoning them within six months. This year, shaky resolvers should circle January 17 on their calendars. It’s a little-known (and guilt-free) holiday called Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day. Or find more resolve by writing down your goals: A 2015 Dominican University of California study of 149 adults showed that 61 percent of people who wrote down what they wanted to accomplish over the next four weeks were successful, compared with 43 percent who didn’t put pen to paper. Tell a friend your goals and your odds of succeeding get even better.

The number of bird species spotted (as of November 2015) by National Audubon Society blogger Noah Strycker, a record for the most seen in one year. Strycker’s search started last January 1 and took him to 27 countries. The highlight was waiting for four hours at a harpy eagle’s nest in central Brazil to watch one arrive with a furry, “raccoonlike” animal in its talons. With 13 percent of the world’s bird species in danger of extinction, including almost threequarters of the crane species and 68 percent of the albatross family, celebrating National Bird Day, on January 5, is a nobrainer. Every year, more than 1 billion birds, including the Iceland gull and the snowy owl, migrate to the United States from colder climates. And with the free Audubon Bird Guide app (available for Apple and Android), novices can identify more than 800 species.

$609 The average amount projected to be spent by Americans going out on the town this New Year’s Eve, according to a September 2015 survey conducted by the research company Kelton Global for RetailMeNot, an online marketplace for coupons and offers. For those party animals, that hefty sum breaks down to $154 for clothes, $109 for shoes, $75 for accessories, and $74 for beauty.

Once the partygoer is out the door, he or she will then fork over $118 for entertainment (event tickets, cover charges) and $79 for alcohol, including Champagne. Of all the people surveyed, parents are projected to spend the most on booze—and who can blame them? Tonight they’re gonna party like it’s (pre-kid) 1999.

Written by

N.Jamiyla Chisholm Illustration by

Darling Clementine

JANUARY 2016

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How much washing dishes—washing dishes!— can reduce a person’s levels of stress and anger, reports an October 2015 study published in the journal Mindfulness.

Researchers had 51 college students tackle the chore, asking some to really focus on the act (the scent of the soap, the warmth of the water, how the dishes felt) while leaving others to just do it. Afterward, the subjects completed reports relating to mindfulness, inspiration, and stress. Those who had solely concentrated on the dishes experienced the 27 percent reduction in nervousness and bad feelings (talk about no cloudiness) and enjoyed a 25 percent boost in mental inspiration. The more distracted dishwashers experienced nothing.

FOR MORE FUN FACTS AND FIGURES, follow

us on Twitter (@RealSimple).

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DECODING YO UR PER S ONALIT Y .............. 106

RE AL WOMEN WITH RE AL ST YLE .............. 120 01. 2016

ON THE COVER This year is for you: Your plan to redirect stress 122 Master makeahead meals 112 Negotiate a raise 94 Edit your wardrobe 53 Find some peace and quiet 79 Cover Photograph by

Johnny Miller Set Design by

Jeffrey W. Miller

HOW STRE SS C AN BE G O OD FOR YOU .......................... 122

JANUARY 2016

V E R S AT I L E B A R C A RT S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67

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O N T H E C OV E R : C E R A M I C B O X A N D A L L G L A S S VA S E S F R O M A S E L E C T I O N O F V I N TA G E G L A S S A N D C E R A M I C S , T H E E N D O F H I S T O R Y, 2 1 2 - 6 4 7- 7 5 9 8 ; S U L L I VA N G L A S S E S I N S A LT WAT E R M AT T E , WA R BY PA R K E R , $ 9 5 , WA R BY PA R K E R S T O R E S A N D WA R BY PA R K E R .C O M .

Fashion Accessory Styling

by Jennifer Smith

SILENCE IS GOLDEN So how can you get more of it? Page 79

Life Lessons

PAG E 59

GOOD READ

Julianna Baggott lends her body to art . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

33

MODERN MANNERS THOUGHTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 THE SIMPLE LIST . . . . . . . . . 4

Catherine Newman on outspoken in-laws and more

.. 38

EXPERTISE

5 times when you should hold your tongue

EDITOR’S NOTE . . . . . . . . . 1 1

............ 43

BREATHE

Relax, fast, with this month’s do-anywhere exercise . . .

46

Your Words What are you unapologetic about? . .

the Guide 12

FASHION

FAMILY

THE CLOSET AUDIT

CAN I HAVE SOME PEACE

A step-by-step strategy to help you pare down . . . 5 3

the Realist JANUARY AT A GLANCE

The origins of glitter . . .

15

AND QUIET?!?

Everyone needs more.

Here’s how to ind it . . .

BEAUTY

............. 16

NOW WHAT ?!?

Smart solutions for life’s little disasters . . . . . . . . . 1 8 TREND TO TRY

3-D lorals

ROAD TEST

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT

ROAD TEST

The story behind belly fat—along with a plan to help keep it in check. . . 8 5

Block cheeses

Lip treatments

........ 64

HOME THE BEAUTY OF A BAR CART

Yes, it does much more than store liquor. .

Your clutter conundrums, solved . . .

67

WORK & MONEY What does it mean to own your success?

Plus, how to get the salary you deserve . . . . .

73

22

TAKE CONTROL OF REAL SIMPLIFIER

Speed-reading. . . . . . . . . 2 4 BEAUTY SOS

........ 136

WHY NOT TRY…?

Grapefruit . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 3 8

COLD COMFORT

Safety-irst advice for winter workouts . . . . . . . 8 8

ASK THE ORGANIZER

Whole peeled tomatoes . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

5 EASY DINNERS . . . . . . . 1 3 1

HEALTH

............. 20

THE STAPLE

Food

PRETTY SMART . . . . . . . . . 5 9 NEW USES FOR OLD THINGS

Shot glass

79

YOUR PET MESS

A LIFE IN FULL

Sara A. Kilgallen: registered nurse, wife, mom of four . . . . . . . . . . 1 4 2 CLIP AND SAVE: 92

REAL SIMPLE TO GO . . . . 1 4 4

Cleaning tips for homes where the fur lies . . . . . 7 5

Chapped skin . . . . . . . . . . 2 6 LITTLE HELPERS . . . . . . . . 2 8

Features IT’S PERSONAL

How do you develop a signature style? Fashionable real women show the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 0 KEEP OR TOSS? Figure out how to decide on page 53.

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

With personality tests on the rise, writer Virginia Sole-Smith muses on their meaning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

106

SUNDAY PREP SCHOOL

Turn two hours of washing, chopping, and roasting into a week of miraculous meals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 2 TURNING HEADS

Fun, ierce, and colorful—seven women on the stories behind their hairstyles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

120

SPIN STRESS INTO SUCCESS

Yes, you can use stress to your beneit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

122

REAL SIMPLE® (ISSN 1528-1701) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY TIME INC. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10281. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS. (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, P.O. BOX 62120 TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. 40110178. RETURN UNDELIVERABLE CANADA ADDRESSES TO: POSTAL STN. A, P.O. BOX 4015, TORONTO, ON M5W 2T2 GST#888381621RT0001. SUBSCRIBERS: IF THE POSTAL SERVICE ALERTS US THAT YOUR MAGAZINE IS UNDELIVERABLE, WE HAVE NO FURTHER OBLIGATION UNLESS WE RECEIVE A CORRECTED ADDRESS WITHIN TWO YEARS. U.S. SUBSCRIPTIONS: $28.95 FOR ONE YEAR. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME. MAILING LIST: WE MAKE A PORTION OF OUR MAILING LIST AVAILABLE TO REPUTABLE FIRMS. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE, REALSIMPLE.COM/CUSTOMERSERVICE. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE TO REAL SIMPLE AT PO BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. © 2015 TIME INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS PROHIBITED. REAL SIMPLE® IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF TIME INC. VOLUME 17, ISSUE 1. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.

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New on real simple.com VISIT THE SITE FOR E XCLUSIVE IDE A S, TIP S, AND WAYS TO MAKE LIFE E A SIER—E VERY DAY.

F O L LO W U S

@real_simple

@RECLAIMING

WE ASKED YOU TO SHARE PHOTOS OF YOUR HEALTHIEST MEALS AND SNACKS USING #RSREBOOT. THESE INSPIRED US TO ADD MORE COLOR TO OUR OWN PLATES.

YESTERDAY

Cabbage Noodle Pad Thai… because I like turning vegetables into noodles.

@WIFE MAMA FOODIE

Whenever fresh fruit is on sale, I buy extra to cut up and freeze for smoothies.

O N FAC E B O O K AND T WIT TER

@realsimple

WE ASKED: What’s the best piece of health advice you’ve ever received?

Jennifer Nicole “If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it.”

@THE

Mimi Gill “Never Google your symptoms.”

DELICIOUS

@giology615 “Do something healthy every day that your older self will thank you for.”

Emily Finley Burke “Always be honest with your doctors. Lying to make yourself feel comfortable won’t help you in the long run.”

@EATLAUGH DRINK

A whole bunch of green and a whole bunch of deliciousness!

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H O W T O H AV E A HAPP Y, HE ALTHY NE W YE AR Visit REALSIMPLE.com for the inspiration you need to keep your resolutions, including: • Sanity-saving organizing tips for every room in your home.

• Delicious slow-cooker breakfasts for busy mornings.

• Five-minute workout moves to tone your arms, abs, and more.

JANUARY 2016

AT PINTEREST.COM/REALSIMPLE, we have tons of healthy recipes to save, print, prepare for your family, and keep you energized all month long. Pictured above: a fennel salad and a pear-ginger smoothie.

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B O T T O M , F R O M L E F T: P H O T O G R A P H BY J O S E P H D E L E O ; P H O T O G R A P H BY S A R A H K A R N A S I E W I C Z

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FEW YEARS AGO, I worked with a funny guy who believed everyone on this earth is either a bird or a bunny.

We spent a lot of time analyzing the personalities of all the people in our office, plus a few movie stars, plus random strangers we saw in the building. It was a weirdly satisfying exercise (in part because we all had our own interpretations), and a lot more fun than doing actual work.

Then I got a new job with a much more serious guy, who told me that everyone on this earth is a bull, an owl, a lamb, or a tiger. This personality exercise was fun, but not as much fun as Bird or Bunny, because everyone knows that fewer choices are almost always preferable, which is partly why Real Simple exists in the first place.

I haven’t changed jobs in a while, but I bet when I do, there will be a new guy with a new personality test. Which I will probably fall for. Even though, if you analyze too much, the results can start to feel prescriptive. Which means you start to act the part. And I really don’t want to be a bunny.

But we’re here to talk about you. When the Real Simple staff began brainstorming themes for this issue, the first of 2016, we kept going back to the notion of “own it.” As in: Own who you are; own your personality traits; own your passions and your hang-ups. Every January, magazines come out with covers that say things like “New Year, New You!” Here at Real Simple, we’d like to say, “New Year, Still You!” You see, we don’t

P H O T O G R A P H BY P E R R Y H A G O P I A N ; H A I R BY PA U L WA R R E N U S I N G R E N E F U R T E R E R FO R A R T D E PA R T M E N T; M A K E U P BY M E L I S S A S I LV E R FO R M AY B E L L I N E N E W Y O R K . BY M A L E N E B I R G E R E M B E L L I S H E D B LO U S E , $ 4 9 5 , S H O P B O P.C O M .

A

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM @KVANOGTROP

want to change you. We just want to help you understand your needs and own the whole package—strengths and weaknesses alike.

On page 106 of this issue, you will find an excellent story by Virginia Sole-Smith (with truly gorgeous illustrations by Gracia Lam) about personality tests, and why they are so enticing.

I am not suggesting that you don’t already know what they would tell you. Or that you must take one of the tests Sole-Smith describes, just because I am going to do that as soon as I finish writing this. Maybe you are more self-actualized than I am. Or perhaps simply better at owning who you are.

Sincerely yours,

* NOT A BUNNY

JANUARY 2016

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HAVE YOU LISTENED TO REAL SIMPLE’S FREE PODCASTS? We have four of them— on everything from negotiating household conflicts (The Labor of Love) and navigating the confusion of your 20s (Adulthood Made Easy) to handling irritating personalities (I Want to Like You) and boiling down kitchen basics (Things Cooks Know). There are new episodes every week. Go to realsimple. com/podcasts and listen for free.

Q. What are you unapologetic about?

A. As a stay-at-home mom of five, I have struggled with mommy guilt pretty much on a daily basis for 20 years. It is a constant fight to have anything that is solely mine. Even the coveted bathroom time is almost always interrupted. So what do I do?

I hide chocolate candy (the good stuff) in my closet so I don’t have to share with anyone.

JONA KELLY, Canton, Texas

Sleep! I can take better care of my family when I am well rested. @BMCKIRGAN65

Crying every single time I hear “The StarSpangled Banner.”

Every single time.

CATHERINE DECKER, Amboy, Illinois

Going by my own last name. My driver’s license has both, but I’ve always used my family’s name (the one I was born with).

Before I even met my husband, it occurred to me that one day I might have a daughter and I would want her to know that she was ine just as herself. She didn’t need to take someone else’s name to be better. As it turns out, I have sons, and they need to know the same lesson.

I’m unapologetic about my laugh. I never try to hide it, no matter which form it takes: giggle, guffaw, wheeze, or the silent, body-shaking tears-streaming-down-myface laugh.

ERIN DOWDY, Atlanta, Georgia

BRENDA HARKINS CHALL ANS, Hesston, Kansas

JANUARY 2016

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I’m completely unapologetic about needing alone time. As an introvert, this is how I get my energy restored. Not many people understand this—especially extroverts, who restore their energy by being with other people.

MARY WESTLIE-JONES, Huntington Beach, California

Leaving work on time at least once a week to take my son to a parent-participation class. I’m a teacher, and it isn’t always easy.

Illustration by

@MRSKMAY11

Dan Page

REALSIMPLE.COM

Packing too much. I never forget anything.

DANIELLE EQUITZ, Geyserville, California

BETH M C LAUGHLIN HER ANSWER: I am completely

My thighs. They are bigger than those of my friends and most people I know, but I am proud of them because they are strong and got me through eight years of playing water polo—four of which were at the collegiate level. They may be big, but they are my foundation!

unapologetic about my intelligence and drive. I learned at a young age that there are stereotypes about how girls should act and what we should say to impress the company we keep. I refuse to dumb myself down to make people feel better about themselves.

I put myself through graduate nursing school with three children under three years old, and now I work as an acutecare nurse practitioner. I am a smart, proud female and will pass that on to my daughters.

CORRIN WENDELL, St. Paul, Minnesota

Singing in the shower.

BONNIE SULLIVAN, Erie, Pennsylvania

Staying in. I’m 22, and people are always asking me to go out for drinks and dancing, which typically turns into a late night. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a quiet night in, and you’ll never catch me apologizing or regretting spending a little time on my own.

VALERIE VAN KOOTEN, Pella, Iowa

Being thrifty. I enjoy yard sales, secondhand stores, bargains, outlets, Craigslist, day-old bakeries, DIY projects, etc. I own properties with no mortgage and no debt, I’ve achieved inancial stability, and I have a plan for the future. For that, I will never apologize.

DEBY SIMPSON, Fresno, California

STATS: 34; married, with a three-year-old daughter and 15-month-old twin daughters; nurse practitioner; Chicago.

IF YOU WROTE A BOOK, WHAT WOULD THE TITLE BE?

It would be called Day by Day. Since I have three children, sometimes my life is absolute insanity. The subtitle would be Don’t Feel Bad If You Count Down the Minutes to Bedtime.

TAYLOR CLYDE, Oakland, Oregon

WHAT IS YOUR PICK-ME-UP?

I own around 60 lipstick tubes and 300 shades of nail polish. Variety is the spice of life, right?

CEAR A MILLIGAN, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Getting mani-pedis. I feel like it should be considered a medical necessity for your mental health and covered by insurance.

Not being married with kids. My life isn’t worthless because it doesn’t it the traditional mold.

I am a professional, own my own home, and don’t ask anyone for help. I think my life turned out just ine!

GINA SKEVOFIL AX, Lake Grove, New York

SINCE COLLEGE, I HAVE BEEN AN UNAPOLOGETIC NAPPER. A 20- TO 30-MINUTE NAP IN THE AFTERNOON ENERGIZES ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY BUT ISN’T LONG ENOUGH TO KEEP ME FROM SLEEPING AT NIGHT.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH THE HARDEST?

Playing practical jokes on my not very observant husband. For the irst year of our relationship, every time we went to McDonald’s, he would order a Big Mac and I would tell him I had never had one.

He would say, “OMG! You have to try it!” and I would take a huge bite or two.

It took him nearly a year to realize I had been scamming him over and over again.

Not smiling when I don’t feel like it.

ANDREA GARDNER HUDSON, Riverside, California

JANUARY 2016

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UPCOMING QUESTION

If you knew you wouldn’t fail, what would you try?

Go to realsimple.com/ yourwords and let us know your answer to this question. Your response could appear on these pages.

YO U R W O R D S

SUBSCRIBER OF THE MONTH

verabradley.com

UNCOMMON KNOWLED GE FOR MODERN TIME S

SHINING MOMENTS IN GLIT TER As you’re puttin’ on the ritz for New Year’s Eve, take a moment to reflect upon these tiny sparkles.

Written by

Brandi Broxson Photograph by

PA L E O L I T H I C E R A

Aaron Dyer

Yes, Neanderthals may have worn glitter. In 2009 anthropologists found seashells stained with crushed pyrite (a.k.a. fool’s gold), which they think functioned as (very!) early compacts.

2 O T H C E N T U RY

In the 1940s, Henry F. Ruschmann Sr. of New Jersey manufactured the irst batch of glitter as we know it now by cutting plastic ilm and aluminum foil into lecks to adorn ornaments.

Today his company, Meadowbrook Inventions, makes more than 20,000 varieties.

21 ST C E N T U RY P R O P S T Y L I N G BY J O J O L I

For just $10, ShipYour EnemiesGlitter.com will send a “glitter bomb” packed in a card to douse the unsuspecting recipient. (Not nice, but wickedly clever. And nothing a sticky lint roller won’t ix.)

JANUARY 2016

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N EW U S E S FOR O L D T H I N G S

SHOT GL ASS MEDICINE-CABINET SORTER:

Organize swabs, bobby pins, and other grooming essentials in glasses.

A matching set looks sleek.

PINEAPPLE CORER:

Turn a shot glass upside down on the center of a slice of pineapple and push down. Then, with a poke of your thumb, a perfect circle will pop right out.

—idea from KRISTI REDDOCH, Brenham, Texas

EGG CUP: Prop a soft-boiled

egg in a shot glass so you can neatly spoon out the yolk.

—idea from JULIE BARTLET T, Louisville, Kentucky

JANUARY 2016

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CONDIMENT SERVER:

Dole out individually sized portions of everything from ketchup and soy sauce to jam and syrup.

—idea from PAIGE NEJAME, Duxbury, Massachusetts

Photograph by

Aaron Dyer

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY J O J O L I ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I

T H E R E A L I ST

—idea from KIMBERLY PECKA, Chicago

Steep a cup of Yogi tea and you have something more than delicious. Every intriguing blend of herbs and botanicals is on a mission, supporting energy, stamina, clarity, immunity, tranquility, cleansing or unwinding.

®,©2015-2016 East West Tea Company, LLC

Every cup is a gift to mind, body and spirit.

®

Smart solutions for life’s little disasters I sent a gift card to my niece, and it got lost in the mail.

JENNIFER LEIGH, via e-mail

My houseplants are turning yellow.

K. MILLER, via e-mail

THE FIX: First, find the purchase or activation

receipt. It may or may not (depending on the merchant) include a tracking ID or a portion of the card’s number. Once you have a record of the transaction, contact the retailer immediately to cancel the lost card and to order a replacement, says Shelley Hunter, a spokesperson for GiftCards.com. “Unfortunately, if you have no record, there’s not much customer service can do,” she says. Because the numbers imprinted on the front and the back of the actual gift card are the crucial information for recovering funds, in the future, snap a photo of them before sending a gift card.

THE FIX: Tweak your watering routine. If the leaves are yellowing from the tips inward, it means the plant has not been getting enough water, says Heather Rhoades of Gardening KnowHow.com, an advice site. But if entire leaves are yellowing and falling of, the problem is overwatering. Make sure the planters have drainage holes, and place pebble-covered saucers under them.

The evaporating water will increase the humidity, which houseplants love. Another good general rule: Water when the soil feels barely damp, like a wrung-out sponge.

ALEXIS FAULKNER, via e-mail

THE FIX: Move the box to a dry indoor area that’s free of rodents (like a garage) for one week. This should be long enough to prevent the potential spread of germs from hantavirus, which is transmitted by mice droppings, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

After the quarantine period, you can begin salvaging. Wearing rubber or vinyl gloves and a surgical mask (just in case), says Lisa Duncan, a conservator in Seattle, “wipe debris into a trash can with a new, soft paintbrush. Then air out the prints for up to two weeks in a dark place with good airlow.” If the photos are soiled, dry them faceup so they don’t stick together, and have them assessed by a conservator. Consult the American Institute for Conservation of Historic and Artistic Works (conservation-us.org) to find a professional near you.

HAVE A DISASTER

that needs solving? E-mail your problem to askreal simple@realsimple.com.

Written by Brandi Broxson Illustration by Peter Oumanski

JANUARY 2016

Mice got into a basement box filled with photos. How can I safely disinfect my prints?

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T H A N K Y O U T O M E L I N D A M Y E R S , H O R T I C U LT U R E I N S T R U C T O R A N D A U T H O R O F S M A L L S PAC E G A R D E N I N G ; A N D D AV E R O S S I , C E R T I F I E D P R O F E S S I O N A L P H O T O G R A P H E R A N D R E S T O R AT I O N S P E C I A L I S T.

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This long necklace will breathe new life into a tunic sweater or a chambray shirt. $36, zara.com.

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S O F T S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

3 DECORATED D’ORSAYS

T H E STA P L E

Whole peeled tomatoes There’s no match for fresh, sun-ripened tomatoes. But good luck finding decent ones at this time of year. That’s where the canned stuff comes in handy. The tomatoes (typically plum) are blanched, peeled, and packaged when perfectly ripe. Look for cans that have no added sugar or seasonings. High-quality tomatoes are grown across the United States, so don’t worry about searching for a label that says “San Marzano” or “product of Italy.”

Written by Charlyne Mattox Photograph by Yasu + Junko

2 QUICK IDEAS RECIPE

Bloody Mary No tomato juice? Turn a canned good into a good drink.

HANDS-ON TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 10 MINUTES SERVES 4

T H E R E A L I ST

Puree one 28-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes, 1 stalk chopped celery, 2 tablespoons prepared horseradish, 1 tablespoon each pickle juice and lemon juice, 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce, 1 teaspoon hot sauce (such as Tabasco), ¾ teaspoon celery salt, and salt and pepper in a blender until smooth, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in ¾ cup vodka.

Serve over ice, with celery stalks and lemon wedges.

EASY UPGRADE

Cook 3 slices chopped bacon in a medium pan. Add 1 small chopped onion and salt and pepper. Cook until soft, 5 to 6 minutes. Add ¾ pound trimmed green beans and one 28-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes. Cook, breaking the tomatoes up with a spoon, until the tomatoes are thickened and the beans are tender, 30 to 35 minutes.

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STORAGE STRATEGY Keep unopened cans in the pantry until the expiration date. Once opened, transfer to an airtight container. Refrigerate for up to 3 days.

For our favorite cannedtomato picks, go to realsimple. com/cannedtomatoes.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY A R I A N A S A LVAT O

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Speed-reading

T H E R E A L I ST

With all the information careering toward us on paper and on screens, it’s hard to keep pace.

Abby Marks Beale, creator of the Rev It Up Reading course and podcast, discusses how to absorb it more efectively.

What are habits that slow down our reading?

Regression, when your eyes intentionally or unintentionally go back over what they’ve read to check that they got it right. Another one is subvocalization, which is sounding words out in your head as you read.

What kind of speed are we talking about when we say speed-reading?

The average person reads about 250 words a minute. I have had students be able to read double, even triple, that number.

How much information do you really process while speed-reading?

You’d be surprised.

Whether you’re reading, running, or driving, the faster you go, the more you need to concentrate.

And when you focus more, higher levels of comprehension can result. But it’s not just about reading fast—it’s about training your eyes and brain to take in information more eficiently.

What’s the easiest way to start?

Use a plain white card as a guide. Place the card above the text you’re reading and push it line by line. It forces you to move down the page quickly so you can’t go back to double-check.

Written by Yolanda Wikiel Illustration by Peter Oumanski

What else?

Many of us waste too much time reading every little thing just because it’s on the page. Instead, look for the meat to get the main idea. The biggest chunks can be found in the irst sentence or two of each paragraph of noniction material.

What’s next?

Break out of reading word for word, and broaden your peripheral vision to see more words at a glance. One way to do this is to just read keywords and add the little ones—the, my, your, and so on— in your head. This allows you to move faster without losing meaning. Phrasing is another tactic: Break a sentence into groups that belong together so you’re reading several words at once. For example: “Some people” “aren’t comfortable” “ordering online.”

It’s dificult to understand what you’re reading when you go so quickly.

That will change. In the beginning, practice without worrying about understanding. Soon the brain will catch on and say, “I get what you want me to do.”

Can you speed-read anything?

It doesn’t lend itself to things like poetry, Old English, dense legal documents, or sections of dialogue. It works really well for fact-based reading—articles and work-related or academic material. The more familiar you are with a topic, the more likely you can speed through it.

JANUARY 2016

24

Does taking a class help?

I recommend taking an online course to learn the strategies inside and out. You could also practice with a digital program, like Spreeder.com, which helps the eyes and brain process words quickly. Set it at 300 words per minute, then work up to 600. You’ll get better faster when you push it. You could see a dramatic improvement within 10 days if you do speed-reading exercises for 10 minutes daily.

How do you measure your reading speed?

Test your speed and comprehension at projects. wsj.com/speedread.

REALSIMPLE.COM

What are the optimal conditions for speed-reading?

The best place to practice is wherever your mind and body have been conditioned to work. For most people, that’s sitting upright at a desk or table, with the material on the table, not your lap.

Do you have to be a strong reader to learn speed-reading?

No, I actually used to be a slow reader. But it deinitely helps if you have a good vocabulary.

MORE WAYS TO BECOME A BETTER READER

Discover tips for you and your kids at realsimple.com/reader.

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B E AU T Y S O S

Chapped skin Skin tends to be dry this time of year, but when it turns red, raw, and painful, that’s another story. This happens when skin is extra parched—whether due to the lower humidity in the air or excessive hand washing. “What starts as tiny tears in the skin leads to larger ones or chapping,” says Melanie Palm, a dermatologist in Solana Beach, California. Here’s some TLC.

Written by Jenny Jin Photograph by Taka m asa Ota

To prevent chapping Avoid extended exposure to hot water when showering or washing dishes, and when you clean the afected areas, use a fragrance-free nonsoap cleanser, like Avene XeraCalm A.D. Lipid-Replenishing Cleansing Oil ($30, dermstore. com). Then, twice a day, apply a fragrance- and dyefree ointment (try Aquaphor; $8 at drugstores)—it will seal in moisture better than a lotion or a cream. (If using a hydrocortisone or steroid cream, apply that irst, then the ointment.) While healing, take a break from products and tools that strip the skin barrier or may cause irritation, like glycolic and salicylic acids, motorized cleansing brushes, retinols, and scrubs.

OFFSET

T H E R E A L I ST

For immediate relief Apply an over-the-counter hydrocortisone cream, like Aveeno 1 Percent Hydrocortisone Anti-Itch Cream ($6 at drugstores), to chapped areas twice daily for one to two weeks. “This anti-inlammatory agent removes redness and soothes minor irritation or itching,” says Palm. If the areas are open, crusting, or intensely painful, consult a dermatologist.

“Cracked skin is prone to infection and may require an antibiotic,” says Emily Wise, a dermatologist in Wellesley, Massachusetts.

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No more jostling while jogging—these adjustable ear loops will stay put.

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With just one silicone tray, you can do it all: Bake the cookies, cool them, and serve them.

Chef’n Sweet Sheet Mat, $25, amazon.com.

Written by Tanya Christian Photographs by Philip Friedman

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WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WITH LEFTOVER COOKING OIL AND BACON GREASE? Oil that goes down the drain can clog pipes and pumps in public sewer lines or in wastewater treatment facilities, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. To dispose of used cooking oil and bacon grease responsibly, let it cool, pour it into a container, seal, and place in the trash. But in a perfect world, used cooking oil should be recycled. Check earth911. com or call your local municipality to see if there’s a recycling facility near you. You can also ask local restaurants if they save and send old oil to be converted into biodiesel fuel and if they accept donations. For oil that will be recycled, ilter food particles out with a strainer when the oil is cool, then store in a sealed container in the refrigerator until you’ve got plenty for collection.

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, you can also reuse oil or bacon grease for, say, frying eggs. (Both will keep in the refrigerator for a month if strained and tightly sealed.) With either oil or grease, remove the excess from pots and pans with a paper towel before washing.

—KAITLYN PIRIE

P R O P S T Y L I N G A N D S O F T S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N ; I L L U S T R AT I O N BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I

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G O O D R E AD

The art of aging When Julianna Baggott’s daughter decided to make a sculpture inspired by her mother’s breasts, the writer was forced to take a new look at her (older) body.

M Y DAU G H T E R , who’s 20 and studying sculpture in art school, was worrying about what to do for her final project. We were talking on the phone when an idea struck her; she decided to create a piece on the deterioration of the body. I was encouraging, but I probably should have seen what was coming.

The next day she called again. “Hey, can you send me pictures of your boobs?” She needed a model, and turns out, college-age women aren’t really helpful when it comes to portraying deterioration.

Lovely.

“Thanks for thinking of me,” I said.

Photograph by Nadav Kander

JANUARY 2016

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I’m 45 and have breast-fed four kids. I was pretty sure I’d made peace with my breasts. They were always small—nothing to brag about—but relatively happy. Sure, they now require a spatula to be inserted into the mammography equipment, and I refer to them as my sad Walter Matthau eyes; they’re that soulful-looking these days. Yet, when my husband asked if I wanted to see the shots and pick which ones to send, I couldn’t look at them.

“Ship ’em!” I said, having done my duty for the sake of art and parenting.

But I had doubts about more than my breasts. The night after the photo shoot, I complained. My stomach, after four full-term pregnancies, is doughy, with scars designed to be pleats.

My butt isn’t where it used to be. My husband has been doing CrossFit for a few years. I’d consider joining him, but I refuse to voluntarily lift heavy About the author things. As a result, he’s fit and I’m just Julianna Baggott’s cross. “I am deteriorating,” I said. latest novels are “Don’t insult the woman I love,” Harriet Wolf’s Seventh he told me. “You’re beautiful.”

Book of Wonders (a I am stunned on a regular basis by New York Times Book my own aging. I look in the mirror and Review Editors’ there’s an immediate disconnect. I see Choice) and, under my grandmother’s mouth, my mother’s the pen name Bridget chin—my budding wattle, as I refer to Asher, All of Us and it. I’m reminded of a certain aunt who Everything. took to wearing butterfly Band-Aids

JANUARY 2016

34

to keep her eyelid skin up high enough to actually, well, see. The gray hairs now outnumber the brown. I can’t watch certain actresses my age without obsessively guessing what work they’ve had done, which makes me insuferable, I know. I’ve abandoned high heels and sadly test insoles for arch support. I had a young dermatologist refer to my age spots as wisdom spots, and I nearly slapped him.

My sister, who’s nine years older than I am, recently texted me an exercise that is supposed to save our upper arms from melting. I texted back, “Wait. Does this mean we’ve accepted the fates of our necks? Is that battle over now? I need to know.”

She texted back that we had, officially, accepted our necks as beyond help and that I could feel free to scarf-it-up.

My eight-year-old recently looked at a picture of me and said, “You don’t look so old!” Before I could thank her, she added, “It’s probably an optical illusion from the red background.”

I quietly loathed her precocious vocabulary.

I was recently carded at a bar and lit up for a moment before the bartender said, “Yeah, we card everyone.

It’s a policy.”

In some of my crunchier circles, I’ve recently found myself in conversations with women my own age during which a kind of upbeat rhetoric takes over and suddenly everyone is talking about the importance of being happy about aging—celebrating it with rituals and tattoos. It’s clear what we should blame for anxiety about aging: our beautyand-youth–obsessed culture. I feel some pressure to jump on board, but my eyes glaze over and I feign interest while riding it out.

To be honest, blaming our culture just makes me feel like a victim. In fact, I rebel against the notion. Being startled by aging actually feels natural and fine. Wanting to have the person

REALSIMPLE.COM

My husband has been doing CrossFit for a few years.

I’d consider joining him, but I refuse to voluntarily lift heavy things. As a result, he’s fit and I’m just cross.

P H O T O G R A P H BY L A U R A C I O C I O L A

L I F E L E SS O N S

Sensing the sarcastic lack of enthusiasm in my tone, she said, “It’s for the sake of art. You can’t deny art!”

Still, I resisted: “Is there a way out of this? I really don’t want to do it.”

And yet the next morning I was in my bedroom, topless, and my husband, Dave, was taking pictures of me as I slowly turned a full 360 degrees while trying to maintain a dry professionalism.

I had practical concerns. “I want my face cropped out,” I told him.

“Absolutely,” he said.

I also didn’t want the pictures, taken on my husband’s iPhone, to be auto-fed into the queue of family pics that our TV reverts to, like a shifting screen saver, when in passive mode. I imagined a moment when one of my sons (18 and 15) might have friends over and would find a shocking surprise.

“Let’s not scar anybody,” I tried to joke.

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you think you look like appear in the mirror as you have known her for a long time and not quite finding her there can be jarring, but that discomfort is normal. It’s so normal, in fact, it’s part of Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development— getting used to your aging body is something we’re supposed to achieve, eventually. But everyone has to do this his or her own way. It’s a process—and not one that, for me, will entail a ritualistic menopause party or a uterus tattoo.

But I didn’t realize that my daughter’s art was going to be such a huge part of it.

Not long after shipping the photographs of, I went on a two-week business trip to Los Angeles, the epicenter of our beauty-and-youth–obsessed culture.

While I was Uber-ing to a meeting in Beverly Hills, wearing expensive jeans and Fly London boots— trying to look vaguely hip, if not youthful—my daughter sent me a picture of her final project. A rough wooden roof, lit from within, protected a sculpture of my torso—collarbones, breasts, and, where the womb would be, a kind of nest and delicately broken eggshell. She explained that the whole thing stood almost four feet in height.

It was breathtaking. This wasn’t about deterioration. This was about shelter, the body as safe haven.

It was about motherhood and childhood, both. It was about creating home and leaving home. I started to cry.

I called my daughter and told her what this meant to me. It struck me as an intimate portrait—not just a reflection of me in this moment in time, but a narrative of my life through the lens of my body and its work. It also felt like more than the body. It spoke to some element of the soul. It was a kind of being seen that was like a true seeing, and a liberation.

By the time I returned from the trip, my daughter had come home from college, and she and my husband had wall-mounted the piece in a nook of my living room. And I was fine with it. I don’t see the work as a portrait of my forlorn breasts at all, but as art, as a conversation, as something that speaks in diferent ways to everyone who sees it.

In the end, my daughter was right. I can’t deny art, the way it startles us and allows us to see things anew—even when that newness is one’s everchanging sense of self. Q

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Modern Manners RE AL SIMPLE’S E TIQUE T T E E XPERT, C ATHERINE NE WMAN, OFFER S HER BE ST ADVICE ON YO U R S O CI AL QUANDAR I E S.

L I F E L E SS O N S

P. F.

This is a case where timing is everything. It is indeed rude to ask who else is invited before RSVPing. That’s like kids in the old commercial asking what’s for dinner before agreeing to stay. (Stove Top stuffing!) You don’t want your response to seem conditional. But if you’ve already given an enthusiastic yes? By all means. “I’d love to come. Who else am I going to get to see?” is how I phrase it. (I’m the kind of person who wants to know more about everything.) If, however, there’s a specific issue at hand—you’re worried about partying with your boss, say, or you’re avoiding your ex—then it’s OK to feel it out with your host before accepting the invitation: “I don’t want to make your party awkward. Do you know if my ex is going to be there? If he is, I’ll probably sit this one out.” It’s not your host’s job to tailor the party to your circumstances, but it is your job to take care of yourself.

About Catherine The author of Catastrophic Happiness (out in April) and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications.

She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

A NOTE TO MY READERS

In my November column, in response to a question about a twins’ birthday party, I wrote: “The thought of getting all those origami kits and bug viewers in duplicate makes me want to kill myself.” I really wish I hadn’t. A number of readers wrote to say how hurt they were by what was, in essence if not intent, a joke about mental illness.

That’s an expression I’ve used lightly all my life—despite the fact that my own family lost a beloved friend to suicide—and I’m honestly not sure why. But I won’t be using it anymore.

I’m so sorry—sorry that I hurt you, and sorry, too, for your personal struggles and losses. Thank you so much for writing. —Catherine

JANUARY 2016

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My mother-in-law badgers my husband constantly, questioning his career choices and saying he’s not taking good enough care of me and our child. In reality, we have a strong marriage, and I just happen to make more money than he does. How can I make her leave him alone? I’ve confronted her directly in the past, but she became a bemoaning victim. We live in a different state now but want to move back home. I’m not sure how happy we could be with my husband constantly defending himself and me walking on eggshells. Help.

K. E.

I just sent up a silent prayer that I not turn into that kind of critical, meddling mother of adult children.

Thankfully, your mother-in-law’s belittling doesn’t shake your faith in your marriage—it only annoys you and upsets your husband. Or might upset him. It’s worth remembering that sometimes these long-held family dynamics are more familiar than appalling to the main players. Either way, this is not your battle to fight.

You can certainly build him up with love, praise, and gratitude, and you can offer to strategize about the best ways to respond to his mother. But if you take her on yourself, you’ll perpetuate your mother-in-law’s sense that your husband is ineffectual—and, worse, risk making him feel impotent himself. Relationships between wives and mothers-in-law are famously thorny. You’re going to have to extricate yourself from the triangle and let

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

Is it rude to ask a hostess who else is invited to a party?

Persons A and B are engaged in conversation. Along comes person C, thrilled to see person B. Person C interrupts to talk solely to person B, ignoring person A completely.

What should person A’s next move be? To withdraw in abject silence?

I have been in the place of A or B many times and would like to have an effective way to deal with this awkward situation. (If I am ever person C, I try to engage both A and B in the conversation.)

M. B.

Under any circumstances, it is rude to interrupt a conversation or to ignore one of the people present. But if that’s what C does and you’re B? You’re the hinge in this interaction, so try to manage it as gracefully as you can. Do A and C need to be introduced? Start there, then include A in the conversation that C wants to have with you: “Hang on, C. Let’s catch A up on what we’re talking about.” Being person A is trickier, though, and how I responded would depend on the circumstances. If C and B are old friends who haven’t seen each other in ages, I’d say, “You two have a lot to catch up on. B, let’s talk later,” then break away. C and B start talking about an unfamiliar topic? “Loop me in,” I’d say. “This sounds interesting.” And, although it sounds as if you know this, person C should apologize for the intrusion. (“Forgive me for barging in. Maybe you were in the middle of something.

B, we can always catch up later.”) Then be guided by the conversation that is already underway, rather than launching into something new. As I occasionally remind my kids (and myself), at the end of the day, it’s your own behavior that matters. With your dignity, graciousness, and wit intact, you can be sure that you’ve done the right thing— and modeled it for others—regardless of how anyone else acted.

turn, defer to you as the hosts. In that case, simply say your own grace instead, rather than letting the situation turn into a sitcom battle of politeness.

Ideally, like the food itself, it’s all headed to the same place anyway. And whichever grace gets said, you’ll have been inclusive and welcoming.

What is the etiquette around saying grace before a meal? We are Catholic and are hosting our friends, who are Mormon, for dinner soon. We normally don’t pray before a meal, and if we do, it is a traditional Catholic grace. We know our friends are very religious and use a traditionally Mormon style of prayer. Should we take the lead and use our method or defer to our guests?

I am a very petite woman (five-one and 94 pounds), and I have been my entire life, due to a high metabolism and my genetic inheritance.

On an almost daily basis, strangers and coworkers comment on how small and skinny I am. It makes me self-conscious.

Often the comments are meant to be funny but feel mean. (“I hate you for being able to eat whatever you want and still be skinny.”) Or people outright ask me how much I weigh. I never know how to respond.

C. S.

E. M.

It is lovely of you to wonder. I would in this situation, as in most, defer to my guests.

Invite them to pray: “We’re so happy to share this meal with you, and we’d love it if you would say grace,” you can say. They might decline or might, in

JANUARY 2016

or shaming—and it almost always feels bad, for several reasons. Either we don’t want to be reduced to the physical fact of our bodies, or a compliment sent our way sends shame somewhere else, or the cultural obsession with thinness is, obviously, doing so much damage to girls and women (and, yes, even to men). You might think of filling your emotional toolbox with various all-purpose deflections: “I’m just lucky to be healthy.” “This body definitely gets me where I want to go.” “Small but mighty—that’s my motto.” Your “admirer” would have to be a real jerk to hear a retort and still direct the conversation back to your weight. If it happens, I’d simply say, “I’d prefer to talk about something else.” Given that these folks are probably projecting their own insecurities onto you, find a way to bolster them, if you can: “Tell me about your promotion” or “Did I hear that you’re doing ballroom dancing? How cool is that!” You’ll remind everyone that size doesn’t matter, and there are far more interesting things to be talking about.

Curvy or narrow, tiny or big, women are constantly judged and objectified—via praise H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E ST I O N ?

Submit your social conundrums to Catherine at REALSIMPLE.COM/MODERN MANNERS. Selected letters

will be featured on these pages every month.

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L I F E L E SS O N S

your husband deal with his mother directly, whether that’s in a different state or (gulp) the same town.

A DA I LY

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E X P E RT I S E

5 times when you should hold your tongue

1

If you can’t say something nice— or your message reeks of “I told you so,” concerns a teenager’s clothes, or is only going to create a headache on Facebook—don’t say it at all. These experts know what they’re talking about.

H O DA KOT B

When you’re not sure what to say My dad passed away when I was in college. I was taking an exam shortly after it happened, and I couldn’t focus. I picked up my backpack and walked out

Written by Rebecca Webber Illustration by Ben Wiseman

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of the class. The teacher said, “If you leave, you’re going to fail this test. That’s going to hurt your average. I’m not sure you’ll pass the class.”

I just kept walking. My dearest friend, Peggy, picked up her backpack and followed me out. I walked to this place called the Duck Pond, where it was just very mellow. I sat on a picnic table, and she sat next to me, without saying a word. I’ll never forget it. After about five minutes, I looked at her and I said, “Oh, my God,” and I started talking about my dad’s death. Now, if she had been asking me, “Are you OK? What do you need?” I don’t know if it would have worked. We both just sat quietly. Sometimes you just need to stop talking, because in silence, the truth comes out.

3

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2 AMY VERNON

L I F E L E SS O N S

When someone is wrong on the Internet Some social-media conversations always turn into arguments. I rarely discuss politics.

And you couldn’t pay me to get involved in another conversation about vaccines. I’ve done it, and it doesn’t matter what facts I pull out. I’m not going to waste my time. If I’m tempted to comment, I call to mind one of my all-time favorite cartoons, from the web-comic xkcd. com. A guy is sitting at the computer, and his spouse says, “Are you coming to bed?”

He says, “I can’t.…

Someone is wrong on the Internet.” That always helps me laugh at myself and back away from the conversation.

When you told him so

Something goes wrong, and you say, “Didn’t I warn you? Didn’t I tell you this was going to end in disaster?” At some point later on, you might say, “Honey, maybe we shouldn’t ever do that again.” But hold your tongue on gloating. As Gloria Steinem says, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” It can make other people bitter or resentful or hurt their feelings. If these are people you love, a little diplomacy, a little tact, and a lot of silence go a long way.

THE EXPERTS

4 E D WA R D YO ST

When it’s TMI Don’t be the person at the office who shares too much: the one talking about his visit to the winery with his wife— perfectly reasonable— and all of a sudden he’s telling you how he got stinking drunk and what happened next. When you expose those kinds of details, it allows other people to form a judgement about you.

Even sharing specific parenting challenges allows others to make a judgment about your capabilities. It might be completely inaccurate! But it can still impact your career. If you share a controversial opinion, you could be fine if the other person agrees. If not, it could be a death knell.

HODA KOTB is a cohost of the Today Show and the author of Where We Belong: Journeys That Show Us the Way. She lives in New York City.

A M Y V E R N O N is a digital-media consultant and a social-media etiquette expert who tweets under the hashtag #smetiquette.

She lives in New Jersey.

E DWA R D YO S T is the human-resources business partner for the Society for Human Resources Management. He lives in Centreville, Virginia.

M A RY M ATA L I N is a political consultant who has worked for presidential and vice-presidential administrations. She lives in New Orleans.

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5

M A RY M ATA L I N

When someone (a teenager) is pushing your buttons In politics, we say, “You can never get in trouble for something you didn’t say.” In my most disciplined days, which are few, I have managed to apply it to two of the toughest terrains known to mankind: marriage and raising teenage girls. Like political opponents, husbands and adolescent girls are scholars of pushing one’s most delicate, hair-trigger buttons, sometimes making us utter things we regret—and that will be used against us later. But if you must say something in the heat of the moment, here’s a lesson of advanced politics: Shoot the king; kill the king. You had better be right.

J U D I T H V I O R S T is a poet and the author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Her latest book is Wait for Me: And Other Poems About the Irritations and Consolations of a Long Marriage. She lives in Washington, D.C.

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B R E AT H E

Sit on your bed near the wall or the headboard. Lie back and swing your legs up to rest on the wall—they can be straight or a bit bent. Get comfortable—tuck a pillow under your seat and another pillow under your head, if you like. Place your hands on your belly; their weight and warmth can help release tension.

Then just do nothing. This yoga pose, called “legs up the wall,” is so easy, it’s almost hard to believe how beneicial it is: It helps drain stagnant luids away from your feet and toward your lower belly, refreshing the legs and the reproductive organs, reducing swollen ankles, and relieving tired knees.

And it creates balance after a day spent sitting or standing. (It’s really helpful after a light.) You can do it alongside your partner and use the time to catch up. Or listen to music. Don’t check e-mails or watch the news. Stay in the pose for at least ive minutes, noticing how your breath naturally deepens. Or just close your eyes and watch your thoughts come and go.

THIS MONTH’S EXPERT

OFFSET

C Y N D I L E E , the founder of the influential OM yoga Center, in New York City, now teaches yoga worldwide. She is the author of five books, including the memoir May I Be Happy.

Find her at cyndilee.com.

Photograph by Whitney Ott

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YESTERDAY. TOMORROW.

Mornings on

FA M I LY ASK THE ORGANIZER 73

It’s almost impossible to ind quiet in the frenzy of a busy household. Here’s a peace plan ............... 7 9 H E A LT H

5 BUZZ-WORTHY BAR CARTS that will keep a party rolling—and display pretty pieces during downtime ....... 6 7 HOME

FA S H I O N TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR PET MESS 75 HOW TO AUDIT YOUR CLOSET 53

MUFFIN TOP? Science-backed solutions to whittle your middle .............................................................. 8 5

BE AUT Y

KISS DRY LIPS GOOD-BYE 64

WINTERPROOFING YOUR WORKOUT 88

WORK & MONEY

STRATEGIES TO NEGOTIATE A RAISE........ 9 4

PRETTY SMART 59

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ASK BUCKY 93

5 NOTABLES DISCUSS THE (NOT ALWAYS SMOOTH) PATH TO SUCCESS ............. 9 2

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From the publishers of Copyright ©2015 Time Inc.

THE GUIDE fashion

The closet audit Chances are, you already own a fabulous, functional wardrobe.

You just have to ind it among all that stuf you kinda, sorta like.

But ditching items that you’ve spent hard-earned cash on is no easy task.

Enter this four-step guide to the purge process, which will leave you with only things you truly love. As for the rejects, we’ve included the best ways to donate and sell them. Because that pleather skirt from another life may indeed be worth something—to someone else.

Written by Sarah Stebbins

JANUARY 2016

Illustrations by Alessandra Olanow

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ST E P 1

ST E P 2

Prep for the purge

Should it stay, or should it go?

If you’re not careful, a closet clean-out can eat up your weekend and take over your whole house. Start with a game plan to keep it contained.

First things first: Don’t think—just dump.

Power-sort the items that you love or wear all the time into a keep pile and the ones that you know aren’t working (and aren’t worth something) into a donate or recycle bag. “Pretend your closet is about to catch fire. What would you save?” says Baumgartner. “You’ll make better decisions if you go with your gut and don’t get sucked into the paralysis of analysis.”

SET A DATE

Ideally, you want to allocate four hours— that’s the amount of time the stylists whom Real Simple interviewed say it takes to overhaul and reassemble the average closet. Besides, most people reach fashion saturation after a morning or an afternoon on the job. Can’t budget a window of time that big? Tackle categories (blouses, lingerie, jewelry, etc.) in one- or two-hour blocks, spread out over a couple of weeks.

THE GUIDE fashion

GATHER SUPPLIES

You’ll need a full-length mirror and seamless underwear for try-ons and heavyduty trash bags for sorting castofs. Use a Sharpie and Super Sticky Post-it notes to label the bags: DONATE, TAILOR, and SELL— plus RECYCLE, for items too trashed to be wearable. (For guidelines, see Charity Concerns, page 57.)

INVITE A FRIEND (OPTIONAL)

Simulate the client-stylist experience by asking a pal whose taste and opinion you trust to help yea and nay items and keep you moving swiftly along. Pro tip: Buy wine. “I always show up with a bottle,” says New York City stylist Kim Naci. “It helps reframe the event as a celebration versus a chore.”

START HERE

After the power sort, you’re ready for the elimination round.

To determine what to keep or toss, try on each item that you’re unsure about and ask yourself the following questions.

Answers of “no/meh” and “never/rarely” should lead to the dump pile. For “yes” or mixed responses, continue on to the next question.

LAY IT ALL OUT

If you’ve committed to a one-shot cleanout, pull everything out of your closet and drawers and arrange it by category (sweaters, jeans, shoes, etc.) on the bed and the loor, says Jennifer Baumgartner, Psy.D., a psychologist, a wardrobe consultant, and the author of You Are What You Wear. Getting a bird’s-eye view allows you to spot themes (for example, too much weekend gear, not enough 9-to-5 staples) and get rid of pieces that aren’t pulling their weight. If you’re going the microorganizing route, focusing on one category at a time can also be revelatory. (“Why do I have four gray sweaters?”) This ensures that your space stays habitable while you chip away at the project.

CLOSET GOAL

The set of clothes you’re left with should include three times as many tops as bottoms—the same ratio you see in stores.

QUESTION 1

D OES IT S E RV E YO U ?

This one powerful question can help eliminate the majority of wardrobe clutter, says stylist Brittany Witkin, the author of Closet Organization: The Crash Course.

What it means: Does it make you feel good? Do you get compliments when you wear it?

Or do you end up tugging at yourself uncomfortably?

QUESTION 2

DOES IT COORDINATE WITH AT LEAST THREE OTHER GARMENTS IN YOUR CLOSET? A streamlined wardrobe is like a symphony, with pieces that work together harmoniously in many combinations.

Instead of assigning clothing speciic roles (This is my interview skirt; this is the sweater I wear with leggings), “try reimagining your closet as a boutique illed with fresh possibilities,” says Naci. (A friend comes in handy here.)

Take photos to help you remember new outits.

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QUESTION 3

WILL YOU WEAR IT AGAIN? Instead of peering into the past with the old “Have you worn it in the last six months?” question, think about the future. Would you don that strappy dress to work if you had the right cardigan to go with it?

Note that on a shopping list and save the dress.

Let it go if you try to justify holding on to it with the idea that “maybe someday, when I [lose weight/go to a fancy party…].”

CLOSET GOAL

If it’s been over a year since your last clean-out, you can probably lose about two-thirds (!) of your wardrobe.

“That’s how much excess I ” say

QUESTION 7

QUESTION 4

I S I T T H E B E ST VERSION? If the style is passé, the fit is unflattering, or the garment has seen better days (think stains, fading, shine marks on wool, a saggy bum, elbow or knee imprints), it’s time for an upgrade or a trip to the tailor (see right).

Sometimes snapping a selfie while wearing the garment will give you a more honest portrayal than your reflection in a mirror.

CLOSET GOAL

Shoot for a 60-40 ratio of basics (solidcolor classics) to novelty items (prints, trends, funky details).

If you love an item but not the way it fits, remember the magic of alteration. For less than $25 per job, you can typically take in a waist, shorten sleeves or a hem, or remove pockets.

“Spending more than that to redesign a piece usually isn’t worth it,” says stylist Lauren Rothman, the author of Style Bible: What to Wear to Work.

QUESTION 5

IS IT HIGH-MAINTENANCE? If the efort of hand washing or the expense of dry cleaning keeps the article on the hanger, face facts and sub in something less fussy. (This tip does not apply to formal wear.)

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Speaking of old flames, Naci uses this line of reasoning when all else fails: “Sometimes people rationalize worn-out or unflattering clothes by saying, ‘I’ll just wear them for running errands.’

This question helps to put things into perspective.”

QUESTION 6

DOES IT HAVE SENTIMENTAL VALUE? You don’t have to part with your varsity-letter jacket or the hat that Grandma knit. Just limit memorabilia to one storage box, says Naci. As for the necklace your ex gave you that was never really your style—just, why? Resolve to move on.

Another option for a memento that you can’t part with: Take a photo, then toss the piece.

REALSIMPLE.COM

STILL ON THE FENCE?

Park the item in question front and center in your closet and label it with an “expiration date” that’s two months from now, says Witkin. If you don’t reach for the piece within that time frame, you know what to do.

THE GUIDE fashion

HOW WOULD YO U F E E L I F YO U W E R E WEARING IT WHEN YO U R A N I N TO YO U R E X ?

ST E P 3

Get yourself sorted Congrats! You’ve made it through the hard part. Now you’ll begin to reap the benefits of weeding out the excess.

THE GUIDE fashion

C R E AT E A N E W SY ST E M F O R T H E K E E P E R S “A sock drawer can be organized; a closet needs to be merchandised,” says Rothman, referring to the way that stores group clothing by category (work, casual, special occasion, etc.) and rotate stock with the seasons. “Marketers understand that this is how people put outfits together.” Hang the category you wear most often, including staples that cross over categories (that striped tunic top, for instance), right in front of the door. Use the same frequency test to divvy up the rest of the real estate. Subcategorize within each group by silhouette (button-downs, pants, skirts, and so on), then color. Reserve drawers for things that you can reach from memory, such as foundation and layering pieces, exercise gear, and, yup, socks.

LIFE AFTER A RU T H L E SS C LO S E T P U RG E After discovering that stress could exacerbate her multiple sclerosis symptoms, Salt Lake City blogger Courtney Carver resolved to simplify her life—and her overstufed closet. She challenged herself to downsize to a 33-item wardrobe for three months and invited others to do the same on her website, Project333. com. Here she shares four surprising perks of paring down.

NO MORE “NOTHING TO WEAR” MORNINGS

I used to try on two or three outits before going out. Creating a “capsule wardrobe”— a season’s worth of staples that all match—has given me tremendous clarity. The skirt I wore with a button-down, a blazer, and lats to a speaking engagement can go with a tank, a scarf, and boots for date night.

Because hidden often equals forgotten, keep folded sweaters, shoes, and accessories on open shelves.

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I RECEIVE MORE COMPLIMENTS

At irst, I thought my coworkers would notice my limited repertoire.

Instead, I got positive feedback. Interestingly, there were fewer “I love your shoes” types of comments and more “You look great” ones. A capsule wardrobe helps you hone your personal style. I feel conident in what I’m wearing, and people pick up on that.

I HAVE MORE DOWNTIME

Shopping was a way of life. I constantly checked e-mail for sales. I spent weekends at the mall. Now I buy clothes a few times a year to ill in gaps and have more time for hiking, skiing, and traveling.

STREAMLINING SNOWBALLED

Living with a minimal amount of clothes gave me the courage to make even bigger changes. I got rid of the dining table and the eight chairs we never sat in, the desk I didn’t use, and the furniture in our superluous second living room.

Eventually we moved to an apartment.

ST E P 4

Optimize your castoffs Quick—before you change your mind, round up the rejects and reference this guide to the best places to donate or sell.

CHARITY CONCERNS

Goodwill and the Salvation Army are always great choices for dropping off donations (see Charity Concerns, right). But there are other options out there where you can dump and do some good—and possibly save a little dough, too.

W H E R E TO D O N AT E

T YPES OF ITEMS

CLOTHES IN USED CONDITION

Stores such as H&M, Ann Taylor, Loft, Levi’s, and the North Face allow shoppers to send or bring in clothing, shoes, and accessories (any brand) in exchange for discounts on purchases. The donated items are then reused or recycled.

O U T DAT E D D E N I M

The Blue Jeans Go Green program (bluejeansgogreen.com) organizes denim drives with universities and retailers. (Currently they are partnering with Madewell.) Some of the old jeans will be reborn as insulation for communities in need. Donators receive a discount to buy a new pair.

W E L L-W O R N SNEAKERS

U N D E RU S E D FORMAL WE AR

O L D E Y EG L A SS E S

Thanks to the Nike ReUse-A-Shoe program, you can bring up to 10 pairs (any label) to a Nike or Converse retail store or mail them to the recycling facility (nikereuseashoe.com). There the rubber, foam, and fabric from the shoes are ground into a material used to make sports and playground surfaces and new Nike products.

Let another bride enjoy your beautiful wedding dress: BridesAcrossAmerica.com puts gowns into the hands of military brides. As for bridesmaid dresses and other fancy frocks, direct them to Project G.L.A.M. (wgirls.org), which distributes prom dresses to needy high schoolers.

Send used specs to New Eyes for the Needy (new-eyes.org) and they will be dispensed to adults and children in developing nations or recycled to raise funds for new eyeglasses for disadvantaged Americans.

Are the donation bins in parking lots and on street corners legit?

You may want to do a little research first. Some of the companies who own them have come under fire for misrepresenting how much of the contributions go to those in need and how much is resold for profit. Goodwill and the Salvation Army are among the most reliable places to unload clothes; some locations pick up for free.

What should you do with the holey sweats that you think no one wants?

Donate those, too, says Goodwill spokesperson Lorie Marrero. (Do the sorting team a favor and label bags of beat-up items RECYCLE.) Articles unsuitable for resale in the organizations’ stores are sold to textile recyclers, who use the fibers for insulation, carpet padding, and stuffing for toys.

CLICK AND CONSIGN Hot trends, designer names, tags still attached. These are a few things that may score you beaucoup bucks—without having to leave the house. Online resale sites vary in terms of the types of items they accept, their commission rates, and the level of DIY involved. Below, vitals on some of the top contenders.

RESALE SITE

WHAT TO SELL

HOW TO SELL

P O S H M A R K .C O M

Fast fashion and luxury and vintage women’s clothing in new or gently used condition. Buyers browse members’ “closets” in the app and attend virtual real-time shopping events centered on a designer, a product, or a trend.

Snap photos with your phone and identify one for your “covershot,” write a description, and set a price. Mail items to your buyer with a prepaid U.S. Postal Service (USPS) shipping label; you supply the box.

$30 for a massmarket item; $250 for a designer piece

80 percent on sales of $15 or more; under $15, the company takes a $2.95 commission

T H E R E A L R E A L .C O M

Pre-owned luxury goods in excellent condition that pass a brand-specific authentication process; menswear too.

Send your items to the company via a free prepaid FedEx shipping label. Pros photograph, price, and list your merch and mail it to the buyer when it sells.

$300 per item

60 percent of the sale to start; 70 percent if you reach $7,500 in annual sales

T R A D E SY.C O M

New and gently worn women’s fashions in mass-market to designer categories. The site also has more than 50,000 wedding gowns.

Upload photos and include a description.

Choose your price, or let the site suggest one. Mail to the buyer with a free prepaid USPS shipping kit.

$20 for a massmarket item; $300 for a designer piece

91 percent of the sale in store credit; 88 percent if you want cash

T H R E D U P.C O M

New and like-new women’s and kids’ styles from top mainstream and designer labels. Check the website for a list of approved brands.

Order a free prepaid “clean-out kit,” pack it with goods, and return it to the company via FedEx or the USPS. Experts list and ship qualifying items for you.

$20 for a woman’s mass-market item; $100 for a designer piece

50 to 80 percent on sales of $60 or more; under $60, 10 to 40 percent

ONLINE SELLING 101 Learn how to sell your stuff like the pros do at realsimple.com/sellonline.

JANUARY 2016

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AVERAGE PRICE

YOUR PAYOUT

THE GUIDE fashion

GIVE WHERE IT COUNTS

No doubt

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

THE GUIDE beauty

Most palettes tend to contain one or two shades that you use up while the rest go untouched.

But UD I Gwen Stefani Eyeshadow Palette ($58, urbandecay.com) houses 15 rock stars—neutrals, metallics, and jewel tones—that you’ll love using (almost) equally.

PRETTY SMART The latest beauty products and tips that save time, money, and—best of all—your sanity.

Written by Heather Muir Photographs by Danny Kim

JANUARY 2016

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FOR LONG-LASTING, EVEN COLOR, BLOT BEFORE APPLYING SO THAT THE FORMULA CAN ADHERE TO LIPS.

VAC AT I O N I N A B OT T L E WHEN THE SNOWPOCALYSPE BECOMES TOO MUCH TO BEAR, SLATHER ON COCONUT-SMELLING H&M BEAUTY CARIBBEAN CRUSH BODY LOTION ($6, HM.COM) AND PRETEND YOU’RE POOLSIDE SIPPING A RUM PUNCH (WITH NO RISK OF A SUNBURN). VITAMIN E TURNS SCALY LEGS SOFT.

Prime choice

Good kisser Neither goopy nor sticky, Revlon Ultra HD Matte Lipcolor ($9 at drugstores) is a cushiony gel that dries down to a chic matte inish without sucking the life out of your lips. In eight pigmented shades.

Think primers are fussy? Meet an exception: Marc Jacobs Beauty Under(cover) Perfecting Coconut Face Primer ($44, sephora.com) keeps makeup looking fresh all day, plus it doubles as a luxe lotion.

THE GUIDE beauty

J U ST PL AIN F U N.

Mane squeeze

Stick it

Right off the bat

The upper hand

Streamline your hair routine by customizing your dream styler instead of layering on products.

Simply add a drop or two of Matrix Stylelink Volume Booster ($20, ulta. com) to your serum, mousse, or gel to give it lat-hair–ighting power.

Dabbing on zit cream can transfer bacteria to your skin. EradiKate To-Go Acne Treatment ($22, sephora.com) consists of 12 individually wrapped swabs treated with 10 percent sulfur and AHAs to shrink pimples fast, in a hygienic way.

Wear Beneit Cosmetics They’re Real!

Tinted Primer ($24, beneitcosmetics. com)—a lightweight, mink brown lash tint—alone for a feathery, natural efect, or use it before your regular mascara to create a more dramatic, dressed-up look.

Formula X The Strengthening Prescription ($19.50, sephora.com) keeps everything you need for a DIY mani in one place yet rivals the size of a credit card.

Base coat, sheer pink polish, shiny topcoat, and cuticle oil—the gang’s all here.

LASHES FEEL SOFT AND SUPPLE, NOT STIFF!

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ESSENCE BEAUTYBOX! QUANTITIES ARE LIMITED.

RESERVE YOUR ESSENCE BEAUTYBOX™ TODAY!

Products may vary

From hair and nail care to makeup and fragrance—each month brings you the best in beauty.

Curated by the beauty experts at ESSENCE® Magazine • Prestige favorites and independent brands we love • Delivered to your door monthly

VISIT ESSENCEBEAUTYBOX.COM TO JOIN NOW @essencebeautybox

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All referenced trademarks are the properties of their respective owners.

15AEBIAL

ROA D T E ST

LIP TREATMENTS

1

3 BEST BUDGET

This delicate skin needs special care in January. These six new picks do it best.

2

ChapStick Total Hydration 100% Natural A creamier version of the classic, this upgrade has shea butter and argan oil to give it slip without feeling slick. “It’s a lifesaver when I go skiing,” said a tester.

TO BUY: $3 at drugstores.

4 BEST SPLURGE

le

EST

HAS A SWEET MINT FLAVOR AND TINGLES SLIGHTLY WHEN YOU PUT IT ON.

Fresh Sugar Nourishing Lip Balm Yes, it’s pricier than the average lip treatment, but you need only a tiny dab of this ultra-hydrating salve to coat lips, leaving behind a “soft pink sheen” and a “plump inish.”

TO BUY: $30, fresh.com.

3

6 1 BEST NATURAL

Juice Beauty USDA Organic Lip Moisturizer Nature-derived conditioning ingredients, such as cocoa butter, melt into lips and keep them soft for hours. The silky formula “isn’t sticky at all,” said a tester. Bonus: It smells like a Creamsicle.

TO BUY: $15, juicebeauty.com.

4

SAFFLOWER AND JOJOBA OILS REPLENISH MOISTURE WHILE WHISKING AWAY OLD COLOR.

2 BEST SCRUB

H&M Beauty Clean Canvas Lip Scrub Made with ultra-ine sugar granules, this gentle scrub removes lakes without being too abrasive. Use it to prep lips for bold color or to help a moisturizer penetrate better.

TO BUY: $10, hm.com.

5

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6 BEST MULTITASKER

Nuxe Nuxuriance Ultra Eye & Lip Contour This anti-ager uses botanicals and hyaluronic acid to treat grooves—everything from crow’s-feet to lip lines—making them look smoother. “It’s not thick or heavy. It sinks into skin,” said a tester.

TO BUY: $45, us.nuxe.com (available in February).

Written by

Jenny Jin Photograph by

Danny Kim

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

THE GUIDE beauty

5 BEST MAKEUP REMOVER

e.l.f. Studio Kiss It Goodbye Lip Color Remover It looks like gloss, but it actually erases stubborn stains. Apply it over colored lips, wait a few seconds, then wipe of.

“It got rid of everything without any scrubbing,” said a tester.

TO BUY: $3, elfcosmetics.com.

EASY BREEZY BEAUTIFUL

JANELLE MONE

1

TRU

3

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THE BEAUTY OF A BAR CART It’s a serving station when you’re entertaining, a display spot when you’re not.

Here are five top-shelf setups.

Written by Betsy Goldberg

THE GUIDE home

Photographs by Johnny Miller

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY PA M E L A D U N C A N S I LV E R

PA RT Y CENTR AL For a big gathering, like a New Year’s bash, a bar cart can be a virtual bartender if you stock it with the very basics—whiskey, gin, vodka, a garnish or two, and a snack.

Guests who have “their drink” can make one themselves. Keep the stash of wine, beer, and Champagne on a nearby sideboard or console.

For more partysetup tips, go to realsimple.com/ barcarts.

TO BUY:

Mid-century bar cart, $349, westelm.com.

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B A R C A RT S, 5 WAY S

PUT SOME ITEMS ON PEDESTALS

It gives you more surface area to work with (and ups the elegance factor).

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B RU N C H BUFFET Arranging some items on a bar cart helps with crowd control. (Not everyone needs to bunch up around the table.) Think of it as a small station for the accessories—drinks, fruit, bagels—while the bigger table is for hot dishes and other main brunch fare.

1 Set out the food (here, bagels, spreads, and clementines) in the center of the top shelf for easy access. Fill in the gaps with a few pretty eyepleasers: a vase of creamy

BEDSIDE D I S P L AY

roses, a sculptural objet, a single shiny candlestick.

A bar cart in lieu of a nightstand gives you more room for stuff you love.

For easier entertaining, add a prepoured signature drink—like a juice-andChampagne blend with a fruit-slice garnish—on one end. It keeps guests moving along.

2

1 You should stick the utilitarian items (reading lamp, alarm clock) front and center. But they’ll look ininitely more glam alongside a collection of decorative objects. If your cart has a mirrored surface, like this one, play up the poshness with items made of luxe materials, such as Lucite and metal.

On the bottom shelf, stock extras: the makings for more drinks, additional plates, and a few other fruit options.

3

TO BUY: Libations bar cart,

$599, crateandbarrel.com.

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2 Opt for a few hefty pieces over a multitude of little ones. Not only does a grouping like this look neater and more impressive but it also makes it easy to transfer items to a shelf when you need the cart for a party.

3 Easy styling trick: Play with shapes. Ofset a pile of big, rectangular books with a curved vase and a sculptural piece.

TO BUY: Metropolitan bar cart, $300, zgallerie.com.

B A R C A RT S, 5 WAY S

ACCESSORIZE WITH ART

Add a pretty print above and a sleek seat at the side for a foyer spot that feels finished.

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S N O W YAFTERNO ON R E T R E AT

2 Toss a spare blanket or throw over a chair to create a cozy resting spot.

INVITING E N T RY WAY S P OT

A bar cart doesn’t have to hold barware at a party, especially when you’re having a daytime, dresseddown get-together.

Stock it with sweet treats instead.

3 Line the cart’s lower level with trays of (bakerybought) mini pies, a heaping bowl of apples, and other indulgences.

Tuck a few dish towels or fabric napkins under the serving pieces—they bring in a burst of color and allow for quick cleanup.

A stylized catchall just inside the front door adds function (and some fun).

1 Set out cheery mugs, a carafe of cocoa, and a cup of cinnamon sticks as stirrers.

You can raid the kids’ rooms or bookshelves for a few props to make the array feel even homier.

1 Bring the outdoors in with a potted plant— an easy way to liven up the space, especially in winter. Choose a hardy variety, like a ponytail palm, so you don’t need a green thumb to keep it alive.

TO BUY: Aiden bar cart, $200, worldmarket.com.

Use bowls to corral items that you need on 2

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the go, like keys, stamps, and sunglasses. Vessels in a mix of sizes, shapes, and colors (stick to a twoor three-hue palette) look more artful than uniform containers.

3 A midsize woven basket can hide incoming mail until you have time for sorting. When you need the cart for entertaining, transfer the containers to a closet shelf and leave the decorative pieces (candlesticks, plants) in place.

TO BUY: McAllister bar cart, $199, birchlane.com.

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Ask the Organizer skirting the issue

cleanup act What are your best ideas for helping a college kid keep his dorm room neat?

K . K . H . , via Facebook

The fewer items in a room, the easier it is to straighten up, so if you live within driving distance, offer to take home off-season stuff he doesn’t need. To conquer clutter in drop zones—desk, closet floor—you can suggest (or send) storage helpers. A mounted magazine rack (Kvissle wall rack, $15, ikea.com) keeps notebooks organized. To max out closet space, he can add shelves on the botIllustration by

tom or install a dropdown bar (DecoBros hanging closet rod, $20, amazon.com). Of course, it helps to get a messy roommate on board, too. If your kid is hesitant to bring up the issue, advise him to start by explaining how he’s handling it: “I feel like we have so much stuff that it’s hard to find things. I’m sending some home and adding space in my closet.

Maybe you want to do that, too.”

DECLUT TERING PRO ERIN RO ONEY D OL AND, FROM THE WASHINGTON, D.C., ARE A, TACKLE S YO UR TOUGHE ST ORGANIZING ISSUE S.

JANUARY 2016

Our kitchen counters are always a mess. No matter how much clutter I put away, within a day it rears its ugly head again. Any tips?

J . T. R ., via Facebook

This problem crops up when you have more stuff than space for it, so a smart first step is to cut back.

Go through one cabinet at a time and pull out rarely used items to toss or move to a high shelf in a cupboard.

Then, over the next week, take notice of what’s cluttering the counter, and give those items a home. Do you need a mounted organizer for mail that piles up? A basket for schoolwork your kids hand you right before dinner? Smarter assigned spots for miscellaneous pieces coming out of the dishwasher? Once you have those solutions, upkeep is easy if you do it regularly. Every night before bed, do a quick scan of the counter and put away any items that don’t belong.

Want more organizing tips?

Doland’s new book, Never Too Busy to Cure Clutter, is out January 26.

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

The Ellaphant in the Room

L . S., via Facebook

A combination of baskets and boxes may not be ideal, because that system requires sorting, and it’s not realistic to expect kids to take extra steps to put things away. The bucket method works better: Keep all the doll stuff in one big bin, like the Seville Classics storage cube ($25, amazon.com). When they play, the girls can dump everything out, pick through the pile, then clean up in minutes by tossing it all back in.

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THE GUIDE home

We’ve tried baskets and boxes, but nothing keeps my girls’ Barbie-doll clothes and accessories organized. Help!

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THEN. NOW.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR PET MESS Feathered and furry family members are cute, but man, can they be pigs. These cleanup strategies should help.

Written by Stephanie Sisco

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY J O J O L I

THE GUIDE home

Photographs by Aaron Dyer

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No. 1

SMELL URINE BUT CAN’T FIND THE SOURCE?

D I RT Y C AG E

A black light (sold at hardware stores) can illuminate the stain. Mark off the area and apply the solution for set-in stains in No. 6 (below).

THE GUIDE home

A daily wipe-down with a damp paper towel is the best way to clean droppings from a hamster, a rabbit, or another small animal. “Moisture keeps the droppings from turning to dust that can be inhaled,” says cleaning pro Donna Smallin Kuper.

Be sure to dry it thoroughly afterward, as a cage with damp spots can quickly grow mold (also true for crates and kennels). For a deeper cleaning (at least once a week), mix drops of dish soap in a bucket of warm water and scrub the entire surface with a nylon-bristle brush.

Rinse with a handheld showerhead or a garden hose to reach the corners, says pet pro Charlotte Reed.

Dry completely with a paper towel, or let sit in the sun for an hour.

No. 6

Stained carpet Tracked-in mud is easier to remove if you let it dry irst, says cleaning pro Nancy Bock. Once it’s dry, brush of or vacuum up as much as you can, then treat the stain with laundry detergent, blotting with a damp paper towel. To eliminate a fresh urine stain, lay a stack of paper towels over the spot, then stand on top of it to soak up the liquid. Next, use a cotton cloth to apply a mixture of ¼ teaspoon dish soap and 1 cup warm water, says Smallin Kuper, then blot with a fresh paper towel; repeat until no color or smell remains. For older urine stains, apply an enzyme-based cleaner, which, Smallin Kuper explains, will break down the organic proteins.

No. 2

R AU N C H Y PET BED Bathing your pooch at least once a month (if vetapproved) can keep doggie stench at bay. Wash the bed on the same day, so the dog doesn’t contaminate his clean sleeping spot. (A bed with a machine-washable shell and cushion is, obviously, easiest.) First vacuum the shell to remove as much fur as possible. Then toss both pieces in the washing machine and clean with laundry detergent plus four squirts of an odor eliminator, such as Zero Odor Laundry ($25 for three 16-ounce bottles, zeroodor.com).

ANIMAL INSTINCTS

Find solutions to strange pet behaviors at realsimple. com/petproblems.

No. 4 No. 3

Stinky litter box Litter upkeep is cringeworthy but crucial: Even small traces of pet waste can carry harmful viruses, bacteria, and parasites. (Plus, the odors!) At least once a day, scoop out any clumps. Do a full cleaning as needed or at least every few weeks: Dump all the old litter into a large trash bag, then scrub the pan and the lid with hot, soapy water using a nylon-bristle brush. Rinse with a hose or under the faucet of a utility sink; dry fully with a paper towel before reilling with two inches of fresh litter.

G R I M Y TOY S A N D FO O D B O W L S A monthly cleaning will reduce dirt and bacteria buildup on toys. Most cloth toys can be machine-washed on a cold cycle; place them inside a pillowcase irst. Chew toys (such as treat stufers) that get gunky can typically go in the dishwasher. Toss food and water bowls into your daily dish-washing cycle; or rinse with hot, soapy water and dry thoroughly.

THE PET EXPERTS No. 5

Fur-covered furniture and rugs A rubber squeegee is the best tool to get floor coverings clean. Rub it over a rug; the friction will push the hairs into easily disposable piles. On upholstered furniture, swap the squeegee for a damp rubber glove—the method is the same. To cut down on pileups in the first place, says Smallin Kuper, it’s helpful to brush cats and dogs regularly: a couple of times a week for long-haired pets and about once a week for short-haired ones.

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NANCY BOCK, senior vice president of education at the American Cleaning Institute.

CHARLOTTE REED,

pet-trend pro and author of The Miss Fido Manners Complete Book of Dog Etiquette.

DONNA SMALLIN KUPER, certified

housecleaning technician and author of Cleaning Plain & Simple.

F S OE R O N DI T A Z I E E G TH Y MA OM E F R MON

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Can I have some peace and quiet?!?

If you live in a household with other people—plus chirping cell phones, talking stuffed animals, and a constantly running washing machine—good luck. But you (and your kids) desperately need a break.

Here’s some sound advice.

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Written by Jennifer King Lindley Illustrations by Ruby Taylor

THE GUIDE family

I F YO U O F T E N F E E L as if you can’t hear yourself think, you’re right.

Between your neighbor’s snow blower outside the kitchen window and the volume-challenged children in the next room, the constant din of modern life takes a toll. A 2012 study published in The Journal of Neuroscience found that it was harder for subjects to remember simple sequences of recorded numbers (normally an easy task) when they had to strain to hear them. Researchers theorize that may be because the part of the brain that processes auditory signals is the same one that handles short-term memory. Noise may also negatively afect kids’ developing brains: In her landmark research from 1975, environmental psychologist Arline Bronzaft, Ph.D., found that the reading scores of elementary students in classrooms located next to train tracks lagged a full year behind their peers in quieter classrooms on the other side of the building. “Noise makes it more difficult to learn,” says Bronzaft.

“When you can’t stop noise, it can create incredible stress. Learned helplessness—the feeling that you just have to sit there and take it— sets in and can increase stress more.” It also flat-out makes you feel fried, especially if you’re a parent.

Your brain has to labor mightily to sort out what sounds are important (a crying baby) and what can be ignored (the low roar of the dishwasher), says Mandy Cerka Mroz, an

THE GUIDE family

audiologist in Red Wing, Minnesota, and the director of the consumerinformation site HealthyHearing. com. (Indeed, the word noise derives from the Latin word nausea.)

When podcasts stream uninterrupted and Instagram alerts pop up sporadically, there’s also less time for all of us to turn inward, says Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, Ed.D., a professor of education, psychology, and neuroscience at the University of Southern California. “The brain works in networks that are in balance with each other,” she says.

“One allows you to focus on what is happening in the outside world around you, the other looks inward.”

It’s this inner network that helps us make meaning of our lives. Constant noise pulls our attention ever outward and upsets the balance.

So quiet sounds nice, but how do you get it? It comes down to two things, say experts: Find ways to reduce your exposure to the worst noise ofenders, and steal more restorative moments of blissful quiet. It’s not a radical, new notion: “Every spiritual tradition incorporates some kind of daily stillness, from meditation to prayer, to shut out distractions,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., a sociologist at the U.C. Berkeley Greater Good Science Center and the author of The Sweet Spot. These kinds of quiet practices can also restore us by tamping down our fight-or-flight response, says Alice Domar, Ph.D., the executive director of the Domar Center for Mind-Body Health, in Waltham, Massachusetts, and an associate professor at Harvard Medical School.

The result, she says, is that over time our bodies and minds can become less reactive to the cacophony that surrounds us. Sounds heavenly. Here are tips for every age.

Tiny sensors in our ears get blown down by noise vibrations, just like trampled grass. In quiet, they bounce back.

CHILDREN Why they need quiet Research shows that even moderate background noise can interfere with the ability of babies to learn new words. And a 2014 study published in Nature noted that baby mice exposed to moderate, persistent noise for 10 hours a day had a 70 percent reduction in the formation of blood vessels in their brains compared with those in quiet cages. Elementary-age kids spend seven or more hours a day in the cacophony of school. “Everything that comes in through the senses needs to be processed,” says Victoria Dunckley, an integrative psychiatrist in Los Angeles and the author of Reset Your Child’s Brain. “Dealing with constant input lowers the brain’s ability to work through emotions and make sense of what’s being learned.”

How to get it Reduce background racket. “Turn on music and dance with your kids, but then turn it of,” says Mroz. “We think when a child is doing a puzzle, we should have some fun music on in the background.

Just let him focus on the puzzle.” Don’t leave the TV on, even if it’s educational.

And check your own volume. “If you have to talk louder than normal to get kids’ attention, there’s something you are competing with,” says Mroz. Turn of the

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blender to ask your son to set the table rather than adding more noise by yelling.

Institute a daily quiet time. You know that once little kids give up a nap (condolences), they still beneit from an hour of quiet time—dim lights, a few books.

But older kids who have been in a noisy environment (like basketball practice) also need 30 minutes or so to recover, mentally and physically. Noise over 85 decibels, about the level of a garbage disposal, may harm hearing with prolonged exposure. “The tiny sensors in our ears called hair cells get blown down by vibrations. In quiet, they will bounce back,” says Mroz.

(Picture grass that has been trampled but that springs up again given time.)

Try mindfulness together. Bringing attention back to the present instead of worrying about a spelling test can be a good stress reducer, says Amy Saltzman, M.D., the author of A Still Quiet Place for Children. Simply sit together and listen for three minutes to all the sounds that you can hear—nearby, faraway, and inside your own body (heartbeat, breath)—plus the “silence between and underneath all sounds,” says Saltzman. For toddlers, try a simple yoga move—child’s pose!—to encourage calm, says Dunckley.

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A DV E RT I S E M E N T

beat the

winter blues Movie nights with loved ones are the perfect way to turn those winter blahs around. Embrace your love for layers, snowfall outside, and all things comfy with these inspiring winter survival ideas from Orville Redenbacher’s.

Embrace the hibernation factor by building a blanket fort in the living room—fill it with pillows, books, and snacks, and settle in for hours of coziness.

Try out a new sweet treat recipe the family can indulge in, like Orville Redenbacher’s Movie Theater Popcorn Candy Bowl.

A snow day is the perfect excuse for a movie and game day.

Gather the kids together for a marathon of winter-themed flicks and board games sure to inspire some seasonal excitement.

FIND MORE RECIPE IDEAS TO BEAT THE WINTER BLUES AT ORVILLE.COM/RECIPES.

T E E N AG E R S

A D U LT S

Why they need quiet

Why you need quiet

Many teenagers have sprouted new permanent body parts—headphones.

At the same time, at this stage of development, adolescent brain circuits are being remodeled and becoming more specialized. Could it be a perfect storm? “We are potentially growing a generation of brains that are wired to focus on external stimulation rather than relecting inward. Quiet time away from the constant stimulation can strengthen that internal focus,” says Immordino-Yang.

When you have an endless to-do list, taking time to quietly zone out can seem frivolous and—shudder—unproductive. Quite the opposite, argues Carter. “When we are staring into space, letting our minds wander, our brains are making connections between things we didn’t previously see as connected. That can lead to out-ofthe-box creative insights,” she says. Turning down the noise in your life can also reduce your stress level so you can soldier through that same to-do list without biting your spouse’s head of.

How to get it

How to get it

Enforce device-free times. Sure, you’ve heard it before, but ever multiplying gadgets are a major source of noise and distraction for teens. Carter’s own family includes four teenagers. (Just imagine her impressive data plan!) And she advises setting speciic rules to maintain oases of quiet. “Teens need bright lines,” she explains. “ ‘Your phones are never allowed in the dining room, the kitchen, or the bathroom. Half an hour before bedtime, all the devices have to be in the charging station where we can see them.’ ” Be clear about the consequences: “If we ind you using your phone in bed, you lose it for 48 hours.” (And be sure to follow the house rules yourself.) Consider following a 60/60 rule: No more than 60 minutes of listening to an iPod at a time at no more than 60 percent of maximum volume.

Dare to not talk. You know at this stage you need to keep the lines of communication wide open. But that doesn’t mean that whenever you’re together you pepper your teen with tennis-practice logistics, grill him on his plans for the winter formal dance, or help him bone up on SAT words. “Teens often just want a parent to be there with them, particularly if they’re feeling moody. You don’t have to necessarily be saying anything or ixing anything in their lives,” says Dunckley. Chop vegetables for dinner in companionable silence.

“Even with our own family members, not talking can feel uncomfortable at irst.

Eventually you will move through it and feel a sense of peace,” says Dunckley.

SILENT TREATMENT

Learn small changes that can make your house less noisy at realsimple.com/quiet.

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Make quiet your new default. Much of the clamor in our lives is a result of mindless habits. Do the simple things: Leave your cell phone at home when you walk the dog, and turn of e-mail and socialmedia notiication dings. Mroz moved the television to her basement family room so she wouldn’t snap it on automatically when she arrived home.

Try noise-canceling headphones.

Because they block out environmental noise, they can create a refuge even when you’re trapped somewhere loud.

“If I’m on an airplane, I’ll put mine on while I read a book or look out the window,” says Mroz. “It’s much more relaxing.”

Change your attitude. For annoying— not deafening—noise that you can’t control (the copier next to your cubicle, say), reframe your thinking. “It’s our perception of noise and our reaction to it that counts,” says Nando Pelusi, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City. Tell yourself the sound is a little distracting but that you can handle it—not that it’s pure torture and you may go insane.

“Recasting it gives you some power over the efect the noise has on you,” he says.

Another helpful mantra to repeat: “Disturbances in air vibrations don’t have to create disturbances in my emotions.”

Hide out. You may need more quiet than others do. “Introverts recharge by having peaceful time alone,” says Kirsten Brunner, a therapist and life coach in Austin, Texas, who blogs at Baby Proofed Parents. And even extroverts need quiet away from toddlers. Escape to that hallowed sanctuary of moms everywhere, the bathroom, for a minute—or 10—suggests Brunner: “I hear parents talk a lot about the guilt they feel over wanting breathers from their children. Throw out the guilt. You’re normal.” Hear that?

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Feed them the best.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY J A M E S W H I T N E Y

Belly fat may be inevitable, but it’s not necessarily bad. Here’s how to figure out if your spare tire is simply a cosmetic issue or a sign that your health is at risk— plus a waist-whittling plan that actually works.

EXTRA INCHES? EVERY POUND YOU LOSE WILL HELP SHRINK THAT SPARE TIRE.

Written by Sally Wadyka Photographs by Molly Cranna

B E L LY FAT D O E S N ’ T S H OW U P OV E R N I G H T, but it sure can feel that way. One moment you’re slipping into your favorite pants; the next, a muffin top is threatening to sideline your entire wardrobe. Or maybe you’re fitter than you’ve been in years but you’ve developed a pooch that won’t seem to budge, no matter how many crunches you do. There are many reasons why your midsection expands—and different types of belly fat, too. Whether your extra inches are merely annoying or a sign of health problems, there are plenty of scientifically backed ways to address them. Here’s what you need to know.

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THE GUIDE health

Middle management

THE GUIDE health

W H AT K I N D O F B E L LY FAT D O YO U H AV E ?

Not all belly fat is created equal. The dreaded muffin top and pelvic pudge are both caused by subcutaneous fat—the kind located just beneath the skin that you can see and grab, “which is fairly innocuous,” says Louis Aronne, M.D., an obesity expert at Weill Cornell Medicine and New York–Presbyterian Hospital, in New York City. But because you have only so much skin, you can’t put on that much subcutaneous fat. So extra pounds mostly end up as visceral fat—the deeper, intraabdominal kind packed in between the internal organs.

“You need a little visceral fat to protect your organs,” notes Aronne.

And small amounts provide energy to immune cells that help protect you from illness and infection. But too much visceral fat sends chemical signals throughout your body that can slow metabolism and increase insulin; high insulin levels can cause inflammation and prompt your body to convert calories to fat. And your liver processes that fat, depositing it right next to where the organ is located: in your midsection.

Visceral fat raises levels of socalled “bad” LDL cholesterol, putting you “at a higher risk of heart disease,” says David J. Frid, a preventive cardiologist at the Cleveland Clinic, in Ohio. “It also increases the risk of diabetes.” And you don’t have to be obese to be at risk. “Just a few extra pounds of visceral fat can be the diference between being healthy and a ticking metabolic time bomb,” says David Katz, M.D., the director of the Yale Prevention Research Center, in New Haven, Connecticut.

And even women with lean limbs and a healthy weight can have extra visceral fat.

Are you in the danger zone? To find out, measure the narrowest point of your waist. If you’re of average height and are Caucasian or AfricanAmerican, 35 inches or more indicates too much visceral fat; if you’re Asian or Latina, 32-plus inches spells trouble, says Rasa Kazlauskaite, an endocrinologist at Rush University Medical Center, in Chicago. If you’re shorter or taller than average, your waist circumference should be no more than half your height in inches.

Another way to check: Lie on your back and look down at your stomach. Since subcutaneous fat tends to feel, well, flabbier and visceral fat generally feels harder, “if your belly caves in, it’s probably mostly subcutaneous fat,” says Kazlauskaite.

“But if you see a swell, that’s a sign of visceral fat.”

Fortunately, every pound you drop makes a diference. “When you start to lose weight, most of what you initially lose is visceral fat,” says Frid.

“Your abdominal cavity is just extra storage, so your body is more than willing to give that fat up quickly when it needs calories for energy.”

T H E S O U RC E O F YO U R S PA R E T I R E No surprise, DNA helps determine the size of your girth, but other factors come into play, too.

In your 40s and 50s, waning estrogen levels can cause subcutaneous fat to redistribute. “As you notice less plumpness in areas like the buttocks, cheeks, and hands, more weight may show up around the waist, says Kazlauskaite. “In addition, with age we gradually lose muscle mass, which can lead to storage of excess energy in the form of increased abdominal fat, including the visceral

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kind. That can change your shape, even if the numbers on the scale stay the same.”

Getting a grip on stress is key: Women burned 104 fewer calories after eating a high-fat meal on days when they experienced excess levels of stress and had higher visceralfat–increasing insulin levels, too, according to a 2014 study from Ohio State University. Stress raises cortisol levels, and insulin secretion rises as cortisol increases. Cortisol also afects depression, which in part may explain why Kazlauskaite’s research shows that women with persistent depression have more visceral fat than do those who don’t sufer from mood disorders.

Yes, “apple” body types are more likely to gain weight in the waist. But if you are a “pear” and gain a large amount of weight, some of which inevitably ends up as visceral fat, or you store extra pounds in your midsection during pregnancy, you’re more likely to morph into an apple later on, even if you lose the weight.

“Your body holds on to the extra subcutaneous and visceral fat cells it formed to store the extra weight,” explains Kazlauskaite. “Those fat cells shrink, but they never go away, which means you’re more likely to gain weight in your abdomen throughout your life.” Looks can be deceptive, though. After significant weight loss or pregnancy, extra inches remaining on the waist may feel like subcutaneous belly fat yet might be mostly skin. Ask a doctor if you’re not sure.

REV UP

Find ways to boost your metabolism at realsimple. com/metabolism.

A MIDDLEWHIT TLING PL AN T H AT AC T UA L LY WORKS

help keep insulin and visceral-fat levels low.

No matter what your age or genetic makeup, here are six researchbacked fixes to shrink both kinds of belly fat.

1. MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE MINDFUL.

Can you consistently identify your physical and mental state? (“I’m craving chocolate cake because I’m in a bad mood, and I find chocolate comforting.”) Can you stay with that kind of feeling in the moment without judging it? That’s mindfulness—and people who had trouble experiencing it were 34 percent more likely to be obese and have excess abdominal fat, according to a 2015 Brown University study. Being aware of physical sensations, like feeling full, as well as emotions, may help you make better diet choices and boost your confidence, which may prompt you to exercise more and take care of yourself, says epidemiologist Eric Loucks, Ph.D., the study’s author.

2. CRANK UP YOUR WORKOUT INTENSITY. When it comes to belly fat, it’s not the calories burned that count; it’s how hard you exercise.

Overweight women who did bouts of intense aerobic exercise experienced a greater reduction in waist circumference and visceral fat than did those who exercised at a conventional pace, even though the two workouts were each done five times a week and burned the same number of calories, according to 2008 University of Virginia study. “When you exercise at a higher intensity, your body releases more growth hormone, which helps reduce visceral fat,” says Arthur Weltman, Ph.D., a kinesiologist and the study’s author.

3. DROP INTO DOWNWARD DOG. Aerobic exer-

cise isn’t the only way to cut your gut. Overweight women who practiced yoga for one hour, three times a week, for 16 weeks decreased their levels of visceral fat, according to a 2012 study published in the journal Menopause. Not only does yoga promote mindfulness but a regular practice can also significantly lower cortisol levels, found a 2013 study published in Indian Journal of Psychiatry.

4. SAY YES TO THE BREAD BASKET. You don’t have to go paleo to shrink your stomach. On the contrary, people who ate less whole-grain bread were the most likely to have excess abdominal fat, according to a 2014 study of more than 50,000 adults published in Applied Physiology, Nutrition, and Metabolism. (Some researchers speculate that eating less bread may lead to a lower daily intake of fiber, which is filling and helps prevent hunger-triggering, insulin-surging fluctuations in blood sugar.)

5. EAT FAT TO SHED FAT. Gram for gram, fat contains more calories than carbohydrates or protein, but a diet rich in healthy fats is still significantly more likely to lead to lasting weight loss than is a low-fat regimen, according to a 2015 review of 53 studies conducted by the Harvard T. H. Chan School of Public Health, in Boston. Monounsaturated fatty acids (or MUFAs)—found abundantly in avocados, nuts, seeds, and olive oil—are especially beneficial for belly fat: Women on a 1,600-calorie-a-day diet rich in MUFAs lost nearly 30 percent of their visceral and subcutaneous fat after just four weeks, according to a 2012 Yale University study. The catalyst? The anti-inflammatory properties of MUFAs, which

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OCCASION. Long-term fasting is difficult and can even be dangerous, but dropping your calorie count for four to five days every few months may fool your system into shedding belly fat, according to a 2015 study from the University of Southern California Longevity Institute, in Davis. People who consumed 34 to 54 percent fewer calories than normal (by drinking a specially formulated low-protein, low-sugar meal-replacement drink) for five continuous days a month and ate the way they usually did the other 25 days lost a significant amount of visceral fat after three months. “After a couple of days of [pseudo fasting], the body turns to stored abdominal fat for energy,” says Valter Longo, Ph.D., a gerontologist and the lead study author. The study was done on just 38 people, but other research reveals similar benefits from alternate-day fasting— that is, eating as you normally would one day, dipping to around 500 calories the next day, and so on.

Following this strategy for two or more months can reduce visceral fat by 20 to 50 percent, according to ongoing research from the University of Chicago. Not only does it reduce calorie intake but “everyother-day fasting also lowers cholesterol and insulin levels and staves off insulin resistance—all of which can reduce visceral fat,” says study author Krista A. Varady, Ph.D., an associate professor of nutrition at the University of Chicago. (Always get your doctor’s OK before fasting.)

THE GUIDE health

6. CURB YOUR CALORIE INTAKE ON

COLD COMFORT The mercury may be dropping, but you can—and should—keep exercising outside. Here’s how.

WA R M U P B E FO R E YO U ST E P O U T S I D E TO H E L P YO U R H E A RT P U M P B LO O D M O R E E A S I LY.

DITCH THE COT TON T-SHIRT

THE GUIDE health

Light up the night If short winter days mean you’ll be hitting the streets when it’s even a little bit dim, relective gear is a must. Wear a lightrelecting vest or armbands and/or a headlamp to make sure that drivers and fellow exercisers can see you.

No . 1

Cotton absorbs sweat and becomes a soggy layer against skin that can make you feel cold and clammy.

If it’s below freezing, wear a moisture-wicking shirt made from a synthetic material, like polypropylene, or a wool-synthetic blend.

N o. 5

KNOW WHEN TO HEAD IN

No . 2

Shed as you sweat Your torso generates more sweat than any other body area.

To keep it dry and warm (but not hot), layering is crucial. Top your base layer with a waterproof, breathable jacket. If it’s in the 30s or below, add a middle layer of leece or wool. Then “as soon as you start to get warm, tie the top layer around your waist,” says exercise physiologist Carl Foster, Ph.D., the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin—La Crosse.

N o. 4

N o. 3 EVEN SMALL D OSES OF SUNLIGHT INCREASE LEVEL S OF THE MO ODB O O ST I N G HORMONE S E ROTO N I N .

PAY E X T R A AT T E N T I O N TO YO U R E X T R E M I T I E S When you’re cold, blood low goes straight to the internal organs and away from less vital places, like the hands, feet, and nose. (Keep in mind that women’s hands also tend to be about three degrees cooler than men’s, according to a University of Utah study.) If it’s below 45 degrees and/or windy, and you feel cold or are prone to getting chilled easily, wear gloves and a hat or a head wrap that covers your ears. If the temperature is 32 degrees or lower and your jacket doesn’t cover your neck, add a neck gaiter or a scarf and moisture-wicking socks (like SmartWool) to protect toes from frostbite.

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If you see or feel ice on the ground and don’t have snow tires (if you’re biking) or ice cleats (if you’re walking or running); if your fingers, toes, or ears begin to lose feeling; or if you start to wheeze (a sign that your respiratory tract is constricting and that you may not be getting enough oxygen), exercise indoors, says exercise physiologist Paul Kennedy, a spokesperson for Leisure Fitness, in Newark, Delaware.

Written by

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MEET THE BLOGGER: MEGAN WOLF

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Megan Wolf, lifestyle blogger of thedomesticatedwolf.com, is a New York City–based registered dietician with the heart of a foodie. The owner of an eponymous nutrition counseling and consulting practice, Megan specializes in women’s health and takes a special interest in it. She has been featured in a variety of media outlets, including Citibabes, Flywheel, HelloGiggles, Mom’s Best Network, WeWomen, and more.

Megan believes that no food should be off limits, and that there is always a way to incorporate all your favorites into your diet. Simply put: Eat better, feel better, live better. Megan’s first cookbook, coming out in April 2016, focuses on easy and delicious vegetarian recipes with greens and grains. Follow Megan for healthy living tips and deliciously nutritious recipes.

FACEBOOK: The Domesticated Wolf TWITTER: @meganwolfRD INSTAGRAM: thedomesticatedwolf

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Work & Money Five accomplished women on success— and how you can own yours

THE GUIDE work & money

SANDRA CISNEROS Author of nine books, including The House on Mango Street and a new memoir, A House of My Own. Recipient of a MacArthur fellowship. Based in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.

From the arts to entrepreneurship to big business, these notables know a thing or two about celebrating triumphs, making friends with failure, and staying true to yourself— and your ambition—no matter what.

Written by Jane Porter Illustration by Robert Samuel Hanson

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Notice the impact you’ve made.

“It took 10 years before I realized what I had done with [my book] The House on Mango Street. Ten years before I could see that librarians and teachers and young people were reading it and it was transforming their lives.

One of the things we have to realize is that despair is part of the process. We shouldn’t give up when we are at the lowest. Here I was, in my later 30s and what they called an overnight success, which was really a 10-year night. (I had handed in the book at age 28.) My idea of success was different from how I see it now.

What I wanted then was the approval of my literary peers. Now it comes from girls who say to me, ‘I read this, and it changed my life.’ ”

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INGRID VANDERVELDT Investor. Founder of the company Empowering a Billion Women by 2020. Member of the United Nations Foundation’s Global Entrepreneurs Council. Creator and host of the CNBC series American Made. Based in Austin, Texas.

Create a circle of support and success.

“One of the biggest things I recommend for women today is to surround yourself in a ‘circle of five.’ Have four other women who are also aspiring to do big things with whom you can share what’s really happening in a trusted and safe environment.

There was a point where I had literally lost everything and found myself in my car with my cat and whatever clothes I could fit.

I could have gone home to my parents, but I was so humiliated and emotionally wrecked, I didn’t want anybody to know. A friend said, ‘You can come live in my apartment, and when you’re ready, you can start going out again.’ It was really important having that sisterhood.”

Take a 360-degree view of ambition.

“My mother was widowed at age 38, with four girls to raise. I know the commitment it took her to be able to work enough hours to keep us together.

Without financial independence, we really don’t have access to the choices and options that define true success—the freedom to pursue whatever opportunity we wish to. Whether you achieve financial success or not, though, don’t change your character. Don’t shrink yourself. I think we all—men and women—need to define ambition differently, to reframe it so that it doesn’t just apply to career. A lot of women would say, ‘Yes I want my career, but I also want a family or to travel.’ We have to start asking ourselves, ‘What is my life ambition?’ You may find that you’ve been making your ambition one-dimensional when it should be multidimensional.”

JOANNE CHANG Pastry chef and owner of Flour Bakery + Cafe, with four locations and a production kitchen. Co-owner of Myers + Chang, a Chinese restaurant she runs with her husband. Based in Boston.

FELITA HARRIS Senior vice president of global commercial development at fashion brand Lela Rose. Former senior vice president of global sales at Donna Karan.

Based in New York City.

Stay clear about your identity and integrity.

“Over time you realize that to compromise who you are is never worth the position, title, monetary gain, or whatever. It’s just not worth it, because you take your whole self to work. You’re taking your ideals, aspirations, and beliefs. In order to convey that to a company, friends, family, whoever, you have to live it every day. Now that I have a daughter—she’s seven years old—that integrity is so important to me. The audience is here. She’s watching me. Showtime is now.”

Keep in mind that everyone is figuring it out on the fly.

“It’s been 15 years now, but for the entire first year of the first bakery I opened, I wanted to close it down. It felt like I had made a big mistake. I have a diary entry from the 10th month where I wrote: ‘I’m selling this place.

Mom says keep it for at least two more months so I can say I did it for a year and then I’m out.’

But as the 12th month came, there were turning points. I had created more of a team, which relieved some of the pressure. When I was younger, I went for goals I knew for sure I could attain. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that you don’t have to know exactly how to get there. I think when you’re young, you look at people who are successful and think, Wow, they’ve got it made, and I don’t.

But the more you go through life, the more you realize that no one really has it made.

Everyone is figuring it out as they go.”

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ASK BUCKY TIME INC.’S* ALL-KNOWING, STRAIGHT-SHOOTING VICE PRESIDENT OF STAFFING, BUCKY KEADY, TACKLES YOUR WORKPLACE CONUNDRUMS.

When you’re asked in a job interview to identify your “areas of growth” (a.k.a. weaknesses), should you own your flaws or give a canned response?

I would say answer honestly, but the thing that you want to “own” is genuine enthusiasm for learning and growing. I’ve had a few people handle this in such a bright way— their faces light up and they’re excited to answer the question.

They’ll talk about wanting to improve their presentation skills or become better at managing and mentoring, or develop their ability to learn about the company and come up with strategies. Those are great responses, and they lead to a lively conversation. It’s all in your approach. Show that you’ve given this some thought. That’s not a canned response—that’s just preparation. And try not to see the question as a trap. If you need to redirect because of the way it’s phrased, you can say, “I don’t view this as a weakness—I view this as an area I would like to grow in more.” What you want to convey is “Thank you for asking that, because I know I can do this job. And I also know there are skills that I can improve.” If you mean what you say, it will come across well.

GOT A QUESTION FOR BUCKY? SEND IT TO ASKBUCKY@REALSIMPLE.COM. * TIME INC. IS THE PARENT COMPANY OF REAL SIMPLE.

THE GUIDE work & money

T H E S E PA G E S , F R O M L E F T: C O U R T E S Y O F A L A N G O L D FA R B ; C O U R T E S Y O F J A R E D T E N N A N T; C O U R T E S Y O F D E R M A LO G I C A ; C O U R T E S Y O F © K J A M A A L ; C O U R T E S Y O F C O L I N C L A R K . P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

JANE WURWAND Founder of the skin-care line Dermalogica, the International Dermal Institute, and the brand’s nonprofit initiative, Financial Independence Through Entrepreneurship, which provides training and support to women around the world. Based in Los Angeles.

C A R E E R C OAC H

How to get what you deserve

THE GUIDE work & money

Negotiating for a raise or a promotion may not be your idea of fun. But New York City mediator Elizabeth Clemants says that the ability to build trust and rapport—which women are naturally quite good at, thank you—also makes us nimble negotiators. Clemants’s tips will help you get what you want—and feel immensely more at ease asking for it.

Written by

Nicole Sforza Illustration by

Robert Samuel Hanson

1 SHARE CONTEXT. “Sure, you want a $10,000 salary bump.

But what’s the deeper reason you’re asking for more money? Maybe it’s acknowledgement, career advancement, equal pay, or simply that you’re struggling to make ends meet. You’ll want to start the conversation there—because if you just say you want cash and they say there’s a salary freeze, you’re stuck.

Stating the motivation behind your request opens the door for a deeper conversation and a variety of solutions.”

2 SET A POSITIVE TONE. “Walk in light, friendly, and open. Say, ‘Thanks for taking the time to meet’— that puts everyone at ease. I recently had to talk to a teacher on behalf of some disgruntled parents. The teacher came into the meeting knowing that everyone hated her, but she smiled, shook my hand, and said she hoped we could work something out. I was so impressed, and this made me listen.

Because of how she approached it, I wanted to help her get what she needed rather than nail her to the cross. She changed the playing ield in the irst 30 seconds.”

3

4

LOOK AT IT LIKE BRAINSTORMING. “Where negotiation goes wrong is when you shoot things down before seeing the whole picture. It’s really a chance for both sides to put everything on the table. Even if something is not acceptable, say you’ll consider it; one idea triggers another.

To open up a conversation further, ask a powerful question, like ‘What’s your commitment to employee growth?’

Maybe you’ll end up taking classes or heading up a new project or moving to the Brussels ofice for a year. By staying positive, there are more things on the table to trade.”

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BOUNCE THE BALL BACK AND FORTH. “After you state your case, calmly and with conidence, listen carefully to the other person’s side, then restate his or her perspective. This helps people soften, because they know they’ve been heard, and it’s a conversation rather than an attack. But try to relect their words in a way that keeps things lowing.

Rather than saying, ‘So you can’t give me any money,’ say, ‘I’m hearing the company isn’t doing well but there may be raises when cash low improves.’ Now there’s some wiggle room.”

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5 EXIT GRACEFULLY. “It’s crucial to leave on a high note, whatever happens. If you got what you wanted, great. But if not and you’re noticeably angry, they’ll think, She’s annoyed. She’s done. We may as well stop putting resources into her. Be gracious.

Say that you hope that you can still come to some sort of a solution.

Negotiation is a process, not just one conversation. It’s more important to maintain the relationship than to immediately get what you want.”

FOR MORE FROM THIS EXPERT, GO TO ELIZABETH CLEMANTS.COM.

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WHAT THE BEST MORNINGS ARE MADE OF

Shop the Real Simple lifestyle for all things fashion, food, décor, and more. Experience all our favorite brands and products as we partner with Have2HaveIt to create a digital shopping experience curated specially for you. Bring the Real Simple vibrance to your life.

Start your day on the plus side of delicious with Quaker® Real Medleys®.

Try Summer Berry Granola as a delicious snack or topping—it's loaded with crunchy clusters plus real fruit pieces. There’s Banana Walnut Oatmeal+, complete with super grains and packed with diced bananas and crunchy nuts.

Get clicking to find your favorites at have2have.it/realsimplelifestylers.

Don’t forget to enjoy the classics as well, with steel cut oats perfectly paired with fresh fruit, granola for a refreshing parfait, or with rice cakes for a snack on the go. Find the plus side of delicious at quakeroats.com.

On Saturday, August 8, Real Simple partnered with Kozy Shack® Pudding for the 19th annual Boston Pops on Nantucket concert, the island’s most anticipated event and local fundraiser.

Thousands of people came together for the family-friendly festivities at Jetties Beach, which featured the acclaimed Boston Pops Esplanade Orchestra, a dance-fueled performance by the Australian Bee Gees Show, and a stunning fireworks display. All proceeds went to Nantucket Cottage Hospital, helping sustain their year-round commitment to the community’s health and well-being.

Real Simple is already counting down the days to next year’s Boston Pops on Nantucket. Find out about more upcoming events at rslifestylers.com.

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PER SON AL IT’S

Fashion Editor

Victoria Sanchez-Lincoln Photographs by

Robert Maxwell Set Design by

Jeffrey W. Miller

FOR SOME WOMEN, DEVELOPING A SIGNATURE STYLE COMES AS NATURALLY AS BREATHING. FOR (MANY, MANY) OTHERS, JUST HEARING THE TERM MAKES THEM HYPERVENTILATE. REAL SIMPLE ASKED FIVE EFFORTLESSLY STYLISH WOMEN— CHIC, INDIVIDUAL, OPINIONATED, AND WEARING THEIR OWN CLOTHES— JUST HOW THEY DO IT.

KHADIJAT OSENI AGE: 32 OCCUPATION: Travel blogger at jetsetterproblems.com HOME: Brooklyn

“Personal style is basically just illustrating what’s on the inside, outwardly.

My style is very eclectic, which matches my personality, and I think it communicates to others that I am open to experiences and experimenting but have a solid sense of my own values and what I think is important. It’s really developed from traveling and observing other cultures. I absorb a little piece of everywhere I go, and it becomes a part of me. It’s an interpretation of my life and how I live it, and it shows that I’m comfortable with who I am and what my story is.”

KHADIJAT’S FAVORITE SHOPPING SOURCES:

Vintage stores and local markets, Urban Outfitters, ASOS, and AllSaints.

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OLGA KAMMERER AGE: 51

“To me, personal style is what I love, regardless of whether anyone else does. My own style is creative, with a bit of humor. It’s an extension of how I think and how I feel. ‘Style’ is taking elements from ‘fashion’—what you see in magazines and movies and on the street—and making it completely your own, wearing it in a way that only you would wear it. A lot of my wardrobe comes from thrift stores. I love inding things no one else wants and tweaking them to make them truly my own. Maybe I’ll tailor something or dye it another color. I don’t take style too seriously— we’re all just like little girls, playing dress-up.”

OLGA’S FAVORITE SHOPPING SOURCES:

Creatures of Comfort, Isabel Marant, and Housing Works.

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J AY N E C H A I R C O U R T E S Y O F L I Z O ’ B R I E N , 2 1 2 - 7 5 5 - 3 8 0 0.

OCCUPATION: U.S. correspondent for the German magazines Freundin and Donna HOME: Pelham, New York

“Personal style is the mix of clothing and accessories that one constantly gravitates toward. My own is eclectic and accessoriesdriven. It’s a means of expression and something I am constantly building upon. To ind your own, I think you should irst focus on what looks good on you, then tune in to which accessories always attract your attention.

If you start with just the trends, you’re ignoring who you are and you’re opening yourself up to fashion’s pitfalls.”

TAMARA’S FAVORITE SHOPPING SOURCES:

COS, Nicholas Kirkwood, and Opening Ceremony.

TAMARA RAPPA AGE: 43 OCCUPATION: Founder and

editor-in-chief of the forthcoming online fashion magazine StoryAndRain.com HOME: New York City

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KAT LLOYD AGE: 28 OCCUPATION: Makeup artist HOME: Brooklyn

“Personal style is how you envision your aesthetic and then exude it. Whether or not my aesthetic is for everyone, I think it deinitely conveys that I am invested in the way I look and put a lot of efort into it.

As a makeup artist, I like to explore identity in society, because really we’re all wearing a costume every day.

What you choose to wear instantly communicates your persona to others, and it dictates your own attitude. I constantly evolve my look because that way I don’t have to commit to being one type of person. I’m always developing my style as my frame of reference grows through my experiences.”

KAT’S FAVORITE SHOPPING SOURCES:

Neighborhood vintage and thrift shops, pinupgirlclothing.com, Zara, and H&M.

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“I work with color, style, and texture every day, so my personal style is a natural extension of that. I’m generally drawn toward neutrals in edgy silhouettes because they are so versatile—alone, layered, or embellished for juxtaposition. But there are plenty of occasions in which something bold or unique catches my eye and I’ll know it’s special, particularly when I’m traveling. My outits are often punctuated with these unexpected pieces, which is what I think helps deine my style.”

MARIS’S FAVORITE SHOPPING SOURCES:

J.Crew, Zara, and local boutiques when traveling.

H A I R BY D AV I D C R U Z FO R O R I B E H A I R C A R E AT K R A M E R + K R A M E R ; M A K E U P BY G L E N N MARZIALI USING DIORSHOW AT FA C T O R Y D O W N T O W N .

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MARIS BODELL AGE: 31 OCCUPATION: Art director, creative services, Real Simple HOME: Brooklyn

Start by finding out what works best for your shape at realsimple.com/ bodyshape.

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GETTING TO KNOW YOU

What personality tests can (and can’t) tell you about yourself— and why understanding exactly what makes you tick makes it easier, maybe,to just own it.

Written by

Virginia Sole-Smith Illustrations by

Gracia Lam

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LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I’m Virginia, and I’m a pitta Taurus introvert Myers-Briggs INTJ. In other words, I’m ruthlessly organized, easily sunburned, quick to make decisions, exhausted by large crowds, assertive, stubborn, and always ready for a big meal. If I were a city, I’d be Paris; a permanent age, I’d be 18; a celebrity, Amy Poehler. This is what the personality tests tell me, and frankly they’re not that far of.

Personality science is a relatively young discipline: “The word personality didn’t even exist until the 19th century,” says Susan Cain, the author of the introvert bible Quiet and the creator of the Quiet Revolution Personality Test. Prior to that, notes Cain, society focused more on character—whether someone was a noble, virtuous person. “But around the turn of the 20th century, we moved from being a culture of character to a culture of personality,” she says. This was due at least in part to the Industrial Revolution: Instead of automatically working on the family farm (a job you got simply by being born), Americans began to go out and sell themselves in job interviews at factories and corporations. “Suddenly we began to prize all these external traits, like how engaging or charismatic you are,” says Cain. About a hundred years ago, the field of personality science emerged, with the system of psychological archetypes developed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung.

But many experts say that our tendency to understand ourselves through labels and categories is simply part of our nature. “You see a huge tradition of that in both philosophy and literature,” says Joshua Jackson, Ph.D., the director of the

Personality Measurement and Development Lab at Washington University, in St. Louis. Once corporations introduced personality testing for new hires, in the 1950s, we became fascinated by the idea that a quiz or a test could tell us something about ourselves that we didn’t already know.

Nowadays Google tracks an average of more than 400,000 searches each month for “personality tests”; 89 of the Forbes Top 100 companies turn to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to help them understand their employees; and Cain’s book is in its fourth year on the New York Times best-seller list. So it seems fair to say that our fascination with personality science—and its far less scientific iterations—is at an all-time high. The question is: What can personality tests really tell us about ourselves? And why are we so enamored of them?

Partly, Jackson says, it’s because we crave validation: “We hope these tests will in some way confirm who we think we are.”

Typecasting A handy primer on categories and classifications for self-study.

A S T RO LO GY WHAT IT TELLS YOU:

How the positions of the stars and the movements of the planets may be inluencing your life.

SCIENTIFIC CREDIBILITY:

T H E C O M F O RT O F L A B E L S Perhaps the only thing better than validating your own personality through a test is getting to pick apart other people’s, especially if you’re married to them. So once I start taking personality tests, I waste no time in making my husband, Dan, take them, too. We quickly discover that he’s a MyersBriggs ENFP (that is, “extroverted intuitive feeling perceiving”), which apparently means we are almost polar opposites. I report this to Jackson, who suggests that we take the assessment that his research—and most other academic research— focuses on: something called the Big Five Personality Test. “The Big Five is an attempt to boil down the infinite ways people can difer in their everyday tendencies to think, feel, and behave,” says Jackson. It began to be developed in the 1930s by psychologists who created a list of thousands of adjectives, then grouped the words into categories to represent major dimensions of human personality. The real draw of the Big Five, in my book, is that you can take the test yourself, or answer every question with someone else’s personality in mind, then compare results, so that the person can see what you really think of him. After getting through the 144 questions with Dan, I get why Cain thinks the Big Five assessment and other robustly

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None. A famous doubleblind study of astrology published in the journal Nature in 1985 concluded that the accuracy of astrologers’ interpretations was “at a level consistent with chance.”

READ YOUR HOROSCOPE:

astrologyzone.com.

AY U RV E DA WHAT IT TELLS YOU:

The “dosha,” or fundamental energy that governs your inner and outer world, from personality to health to surroundings: Vata (wind), Pitta (ire), and Kapha (earth).

Practitioners use their understanding of your dosha to treat medical conditions and ofer guidelines on behavior, diet, and daily routines.

SCIENTIFIC CREDIBILITY:

Emerging. Ayurveda, which essentially means “the science or knowledge of life” in Sanskrit, is a system of natural healing that originated in India thousands of years ago. A handful of small studies have shown

Ayurvedic herbal remedies to be efective in the treatment of certain health conditions. There have been no signiicant studies on the validity of doshas in terms of personality science.

DETERMINE YOUR DOSHA:

ayurvedichealthcenter. com (click “ayurveda”).

MYERS-BRIGGS WHAT IT TELLS YOU:

Your four-letter type, which is made up of four basic preferences: where you focus your energy (extraversion— that’s the way it’s spelled in MB land—or introversion); how you take in information (sensing or intuition); the way you make decisions (thinking or feeling); and how you deal with the world ( judging or perceiving).

SCIENTIFIC CREDIBILITY:

Debated. The tool’s publisher claims that the products are backed by research, but the program’s methodology is widely criticized by research psychologists.

FIND YOUR TYPE:

Click “take assessment” at mbtionline.com ($50).

THE BIG FIVE WHAT IT TELLS YOU:

Your Big Five personality, also known by the acronym OCEAN—Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism—assigns you a rating for each characteristic above.

SCIENTIFIC CREDIBILITY:

High. The Big Five has become the basis for the majority of psychological research on personality.

TAKE THE TEST:

Go to outofservice.com/ bigive.

researched personality tests ofer real value. “Understanding ourselves in terms of these traits can give us the language we need to voice preferences and to understand that people with opposite preferences aren’t wrong,” she says.

SCIENCE SCHMIENCE The more tests I take, the less credence I give to any of the results.

Part of the problem is that there’s a huge variation in the scientific credibility of these assessment tools.

Of course, most of us know when

taking a Play Buzz quiz about which Harry Potter character we are, not to get too hung up on the results (though it irks me that I’m not Hermione).

And while there are many disciples of astrology and Ayurveda, most know—and may even celebrate the fact—that any personality insight found therein has not been validated by Western science.

But when it comes to Myers-Briggs, easily the most popular of all the personality assessments, there’s heated debate. “The slick marketing of Myers-Briggs has far outpaced the scientific evidence for using it,” says Brian Little, Ph.D., a research professor in the psychology department at the University of Cambridge and the author of Me, Myself and Us: The Science of Personality and the

Art of Well-being. That weak center goes back to its origins: The assessment was originally plotted out on index cards during World War II by Isabel Briggs Myers, whose mother had introduced her to Jung’s work.

The women were, at best, armchair psychologists—they had no training—and the test has never been vetted by unbiased third-party researchers. “It’s not completely snake oil,” says Jackson. “But it’s not good science, and they’re charging people a lot of money.”

Michael Segovia, a master MyersBriggs trainer for CPP, the tool’s publisher, bristles at the criticism: “The research division at CPP is filled with very respectable Ph.D. scientists, and they answer to the Myers family to make sure our instrument is current and scientifically valid.”

Still, as Segovia leads me through my Myers-Briggs “feedback session,” I can’t help but notice that the whole thing feels a little bit like a tarot reading I had when I was pregnant.

As the reader laid out my cards, she asked enough questions to casually deduce that I was fervently hoping for a girl—and lo and behold, that’s what the cards foretold! Similarly, for each category or “preference pair,” as they’re known in MyersBriggs parlance, Segovia reads aloud lengthy descriptions then asks which resonate with me most. Only after I’ve told him that, yes, I really do prefer thinking to feeling or intuition to sensing, does he reveal that my test results show the same. It feels more like a particularly insightful therapy session than anything else, with Segovia nudging me to consider the pros and cons of each preference pair. “The goal here is not for you to walk out with a tattoo of four letters on your forehead,” says Segovia. “All we’re doing is identifying your preferences and asking what you were born with and what you learned along the way.”

The biggest problem with personality assessment is that we can’t resist thinking of the resulting labels as boxes that we need to live inside.

Indeed, talk to many proponents of personality testing and they’ll tell you that results aren’t meant to be black-and-white. “Nobody is all introvert or all extrovert, just like nobody is all masculine or all feminine,” notes Cain. “These are simply concepts that are useful for understanding human nature.”

M Y L A B E L , M YS E L F Perhaps the biggest problem with any form of personality assessment is that we can’t resist thinking of the resulting labels as boxes that we now need to live inside. This is Brian Little’s worry about our current cult of personality. “Once you’ve typed yourself as an extrovert, a neurotic person, or someone who is highly creative or highly uncreative, you begin to experience a foreshortening of a life trajectory you might otherwise have been more open to,” he says. “Popular personality tests can stimulate discussion, but they all too often lead to dead ends.”

Little believes that we should spend more time attempting to understand the ways in which we don’t fit into the boxes—the quirks and idiosyncrasies that he refers to as our “free traits,” in contrast to the “fixed traits,” or fundamental preferences, that the Big Five and Myers-Briggs attempt to identify. For example, on every personality test that I take, I’m classified as an introvert— but I don’t think of myself as all that antisocial. Yes, I prefer to work alone, I’m not great at getting to know my neighbors, and I have a mild fear of public speaking. But I also love to throw dinner parties and host weekend guests, and not just because my extroverted husband has invited them.

Little ofers a fascinating and nuanced explanation for the crossover: “We all act out of character when we want to advance a core project,” he says. Little himself is an introvert who adores teaching: “Acting the funny prof satisfies a core project in my life: exciting and inspiring my stu-

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dents. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I behaved in the introverted way that comes naturally to me.” The way to discern whether your behavior in a certain situation is one of your free or fixed traits is to assess how you feel afterward. If you’re drained, that was a free trait. If you’re energized, that’s a fixed one.

So if we’re really all a much more complicated mishmash of free and fixed traits, can our personalities evolve over time? Will a neurotic ever calm down, or an introvert become extroverted? Will an INTP ever turn into a ESFJ, or a pitta become a kapha? Research shows that our key personality traits and preferences are relatively stable but not, says Little, inevitable. “We know there’s enough neuroplasticity in the brain that if you consistently act diferently over a long period of time, you may lay down new circuitry,” he explains. “We don’t know whether it’s possible to completely erase your original trait, but it’s possible to balance out as you get older.” And whether your brain actually rewires itself may be beside the point: “For example, introverts can overcome a fear of public speaking.

Extroverts can learn to become great listeners,” emphasizes Cain.

Maybe what’s most fruitful is exploring personality science to assemble your own distinct type— getting to know your proclivities so you can determine which dials you want to turn up and turn down. And trusting your gut enough to know that you’re a Hermione—even when the test says you’re a Ron. Q

SUNDAY PREP SCHOOL Think you’ll never win at weeknight meals?

Think again. This plan requires a little sacrifice—two hours on a weekend—but the payoff is huge: a mix-and-match stash of building blocks to create easier, faster dinners all week long.

Written by Sarah Copeland Photographs by Marcus Nilsson Food Styling by Maggie Ruggiero Set Design by Jeffrey W. Miller

READY, SET… Trim the celery, roast the squash, and turn the carrots into soup.

Then use—and enjoy—them for days to come.

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RESTAURANTS HAVE A TRICK for get ting food from the kitchen to your table in a few minutes. They prep and cook things days or hours ahead of time and store them in the refrigerator. (Rocket science!) Then they finish ever y thing off and assemble when it ’s time to ser ve. You can do the same thing in your kitchen. Set aside a couple of hours on Sunday to follow the steps on these pages: Wash and chop vegetables; cook some versatile ingredients, plus a few fully ready-to-go dishes; and make some cold items that you can use multiple ways— on a sal ad , i n a sandw ich, o r as a game -c h a n g i n g topping. The colored boxes on these pages offer suggestions on how to combine prepped foods to pull together different dinners. Ready to fill the refrigerator? Grab reusable containers, washi tape, and a marker (trust us—label ever y thing) and star t cooking up a saner week.

READY-TO-HEAT MEAL NO. 1

Carrot soup with herb yogurt HANDS-ON TIME 30 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 50 MINUTES SERVES 6 (OR 4 WITH LEFTOVERS)

⅓ cup olive oil, plus more for serving

STEP NO. 1

COOK/STEAM/ BOIL Tackle this list on the stovetop.

Hard-boil eggs Steam potatoes (any kind) Cook a grain (like brown rice) Simmer a soup (recipe below) Boil noodles (for mac and cheese) Make cheese sauce (for mac and cheese; see recipe, opposite)

Not a carrot fan? Try the recipe with 4 pounds of peeled squash, cooked with 8 cups of chicken broth instead.

2 onions, chopped 4 pounds carrots, peeled and sliced 1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves Kosher salt and black pepper 6 cups water 2 cups carrot juice (found in the produce aisle) 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar Herb yogurt (see recipe, opposite page) HEAT the oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the onions, carrots, thyme, 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Cook, stirring often, until the onions are tender, 10 to 12 minutes. Add the water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the carrots are completely soft, 12 to 15 minutes.

PUREE in a blender, in batches, until smooth. Stir in the carrot juice and vinegar. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week. Reheat over a low lame.

Serve the soup warm, topped with herb yogurt or sour cream.

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Reheat the leftovers in the microwave, or serve cold, with salad, for a school or workday lunch.

HERB YOGURT Stir together 2 cups full-fat plain yogurt, ½ teaspoon inely grated garlic, 2 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs (such as mint, parsley, and/or dill), and 1 teaspoon each Dijon mustard, lime zest, lime juice, and kosher salt. Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 5 days.

SERVES 4 to 6

TO COOK Bring to room temperature. Bake at 400° F until golden and warmed through, 25 to 35 minutes.

READY-TO-HEAT MEAL NO. 2

Make-ahead mac and cheese HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES (PLUS 1 HOUR FOR CHILLING) SERVES 6 (OR 4 WITH LEFTOVERS)

¾ pound short pasta (such as cavatappi or cavatelli) 2 tablespoons butter ¼ cup flour

STEP NO. 2

4 cups whole milk

ROAST AND TOAST

8 ounces shredded Cheddar-Jack cheese (about 2 cups) 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard ½ teaspoon black pepper 5 slices Muenster cheese (about 4 ounces)

You can do both of these at the same time in the oven.

ROAST a versatile vegetable (like squash; recipe, page 118) TOAST 2 cups nuts (walnuts or almonds)

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COOK the pasta according to the package directions.

Wipe out the pot and melt the butter over medium heat.

Add the lour and cook, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes.

Slowly add the milk while stirring. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce slightly thickens, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the Cheddar-Jack, mustard, and pepper and stir to melt.

Stir in the pasta. Transfer to a 9-by-13-inch (3-quart) baking dish and cover with the Muenster. Cool completely. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to bake, up to 4 days.

HANDS-OFF TASK: DEFROSTING SHRIMP Then you’ll have them on hand to stir-fry with celery, snow peas, and rice. Or steam them for a quick protein to go in salads, tacos, or soup.

WHITE BEAN DIP Combine one 15-ounce can white beans (such as cannellini), ¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil, ¼ cup warm water, and 1 teaspoon kosher salt in a food processor; blend until smooth. Stir in additional oil to thin the dip, as desired. Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 5 days.

SERVES 4 to 6

TORN KALE Blend into green juice, add to grain bowls, or toss into Goes-WithAnything Kale Salad (recipe, page 118).

Turn this dip into a vegetarian main dish with roasted vegetables and rice. Or layer it into a sandwich with thinly sliced cucumbers, lettuce, tomato, and cheese.

STEP NO. 3

WASH AND TRIM Throw these items into quick stir-fries, salads, and smoothies. (You can switch it up from week to week.)

Trim and cube 1 pineapple (or 2 mangoes) Wash and cut 1 bunch celery (or broccoli) Wash and trim ½ pound snow peas (or 2 peppers) Clean, trim, and tear 1 bunch kale Wash and dry 1 head lettuce Wash and chop 1 bunch fresh herbs

CUT CELERY Pack with bean dip or herb yogurt as a snack, chop and add to tuna salad, or blend into smoothies.

CHOPPED HERBS Stir them into herb yogurt or salads, use them to season soups, or sprinkle them over meatballs.

BOILED POTATOES Toss with vegetables, greens, and herb yogurt. Or warm and mash with butter, milk, and salt to serve with seared steak.

HARDBOILED EGGS Peel and chop to make egg salad, slice to top toast, or halve and add to warm grain bowls.

TUNA SALAD TOASTED NUTS Sprinkle over oatmeal, salads, grain bowls, or soup for added protein and flavor.

Mix together three 5-ounce cans white albacore tuna, ¼ cup mayonnaise, ¼ cup full-fat plain yogurt, 1 tablespoon water, 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard, and 2 stalks chopped celery with a fork. Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

SERVES 4 to 6 Serve over Bibb lettuce, stack into a sandwich, or top with Swiss, Muenster, or Cheddar cheese and broil for a tuna melt.

CUT SNOW PEAS Serve with herb yogurt or stir-fry with bacon, peeled shrimp, and brown rice.

CHOPPED PINEAPPLE Toss into smoothies, pack in school lunches, or serve over vanilla ice cream for an easy weeknight dessert.

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Reheat the squash in the microwave for 3 minutes, or on a sheet pan in a 350° F oven until warmed through, 8 to 10 minutes.

S U N DAY- P R E P D O S AND D ON’TS DO

DON’T

Start with a clean kitchen, lots of counter space, and several stacks of clean, empty containers.

Overbuy. Be realistic about what you can prep in the time you’ve set aside and shop accordingly.

Invest in clear containers that nest when not in use and can stack neatly in the refrigerator or freezer to maximize space.

Invite the family. This is a job best tackled without loved ones underfoot. Exception: Older kids can help, but give them a small todo list that’s the same each week so that they master it and don’t slow you down.

Clearly label and organize the prepped ingredients so that helpers (spouses, teens, babysitters) can easily find what they need to pull together dinner.

Ideally, reserve a shelf or two in the refrigerator for everything.

Change things up.

Take note of what gets eaten completely week after week and tailor your next prep session accordingly.

ROASTED SQUASH

COOKED GRAINS Use them as the base of a hearty grain bowl, with roasted vegetables, greens, toasted nuts, eggs, and hot sauce or sriracha.

Be an overachiever.

Squeezing in muffins or school bake-sale sweets can derail the essential tasks. Save baking for monthly make-andfreeze affairs.

Rush things. Wrapping and shoving warm food into the refrigerator before it has had time to cool can bring down the core temperature of the entire machine, compromising meat, fish, and dairy stored nearby.

Toss 1 acorn or butternut squash, (washed and cut into wedges) in 3 tablespoons olive oil and salt and pepper.

Cover with foil and cook at 350° F until almost soft, 30 minutes. Uncover and cook until soft and golden brown, 15 minutes more; cool. Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 5 days.

SERVES 4 to 6 Combine the squash with a grain and Goes With Anything Kale Salad, use it to top tacos, or reheat it and serve warm with pork or fish.

GOES-WITH-ANYTHING KALE SALAD Whisk together 3 tablespoons each lemon juice and olive oil, 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard, and ¼ teaspoon each salt and pepper. Add 2 bunches Tuscan kale or 1 bunch curly kale (thick stems removed and leaves torn into bite-size pieces). Rub together to coat the leaves.

Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

SERVES 4 to 6

While the squash roasts in the oven, your hands are free to wash and prep other things.

Try roasting a different vegetable every week— carrots, beets, cauliflower, etc.

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TO COOK Cook the meatballs (in batches) in 2 tablespoons oil in a nonstick skillet over mediumhigh heat until browned on all sides and cooked through, about 6 minutes.

SERVE THE MEATBALLS warm with red sauce over cheesy polenta or pasta, or cold with green salad and a dollop of herb yogurt.

MIX together the beef, pork, ricotta, panko, onion, parsley, Parmesan, milk, egg, 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper in a large bowl until just combined.

READY-TO-HEAT MEAL NO. 3

Ricotta meatballs

STEP NO. 4

MAKE AND STORE

HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES (PLUS 1 DAY FOR CHILLING) MAKES 30 MEATBALLS (SERVES 6, OR 4 WITH LEFTOVERS)

In addition to your three flavorful meal toppers, prepare some meatballs that can go hot or cold.

¾ pound ground beef ¾ pound ground pork or turkey ½ cup ricotta ⅓ cup panko bread crumbs ½ cup finely chopped onion ¼ cup chopped parsley ¼ cup grated Parmesan

Tuna salad Bean dip Herb yogurt dip Meatballs

2 tablespoons milk 1 large egg, beaten Kosher salt and black pepper

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GENTLY FORM into 30 meatballs (about 2 tablespoons each).

Transfer to an airtight container (separating the layers with parchment paper) and refrigerate for at least 24 hours and up to 3 days (or freeze for up to 1 month). (Note: Store cooked and cooled meatballs in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.)

MICHELLE GAT TO N , 37

“I started with a half-buzzed cut two years ago, and I kept going with it because it made me feel tough and confident. I’m beginning to go gray, but it doesn’t bother me. I’m working toward a silver-fox status.”

turning heads Written by

Jenny Jin

Photographs by

Ryan Pfluger

H A I R BY V I V I L A P I D I S / T R I C I A J O Y C E I N C . ; M A K E U P BY M E L I S S A S I LV E R .

Hair…it’s complicated.

How seven women found their own styles on their own terms.

1 / KEISHA H O L N E S S , 30

“I grew up in St. Elizabeth, Jamaica and was inspired by my mom’s styles. Now, I switch up my hair every few months.

I think with hair, you should step out of the box. I take down my braids as soon as I get home, and I put them up every morning. My hair is fresh and funky— and it makes me extremely happy.”

1

2

3

4

5

6

2 / CANSU B OZ I C, 37

“I lost my hair when I was younger, and it grew back patchy, so I started wearing wigs. Whenever I get a new one, it takes a few wears for it to feel natural. I get a new one every three to four months.

I love that I can just put it on and go.”

3 / SHANNON O ’ N E I L L , 29

4 / DA R L I N G C H U C K , 31

“When I was in school, I had to wear a uniform. My hair was the only way I could express myself, so I changed the color. It was what made me feel different. I wash it every three days with Tressa Watercolors Shampoo. I put 100 percent argan oil on the ends, then put it up into a scrunchie to create waves.”

JANUARY 2016

“I dyed my hair gray when I turned 30, and it was like a light switch went off.

People told me I looked like an ethereal unicorn or Storm from X-Men—it’s out of the ordinary. It makes me feel like the woman I’m supposed to be and helped me move into the next phase of my life.”

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5 / C L EO L A M OT H E , 29

“I have a lot of hair, and I haven’t always been comfortable with it. My hair is a symbol of fostered discipline: weekly touch-ups to groom the sides and retwisting my locs with my partner’s help. I want to be an example to young girls—you should be able to present yourself however you want and still be successful.”

6 / TAY LO R B A L L A N T Y N E , 26

“I think of my hair as an accessory—it’s something that I can play with. I let my roots grow in because I like the contrast between the dark and the light. My hair has a mind of its own and cannot be tamed, so I just let it be. I shower and go.”

SPIN

Written by Holly Pevzner Photographs by Kenji Aoki

INTO

SUCCESS

YES, IT’S A FACT OF MODERN LIFE. SO WHY NOT USE STRESS FOR GOOD, NOT EVIL? HERE’S HOW.

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says Dhabhar. Feeling as if you can’t deal with a stressor makes you more likely to experience fightor-flight, research shows. (However, that is not a guarantee. Individual biology, past experiences, and many other factors influence a person’s reaction in any situation.) But if you feel as if you can cope, you increase the odds that you’ll experience one of two behind on a major project. The nurse at your other lesser-known stress reactions, both of which child’s school called for the second time in are beneficial.

The first, called tend-and-befriend, causes your three days. And as the e-mail at the top of your pituitary gland to release oxytocin, a hormone that in-box just informed you, you forgot to pay promotes love and bonding. Tend-and-befriend fuels last month’s electric bill. You could hide under your instinct to, say, rush to a stranger in need—even the covers—but what good would it do? Like if it means risking your own well-being. But it also a rubber ball in a pool, stress that’s pushed occurs in less harrowing circumstances, like when you’re on a first date or a job interview. (And this is beneath the surface eventually bobs back up. not a female phenomenon. Men who felt the most stress in short-term situations, as measured by elevated cortisol levels, had higher rates of tend-and-befriend– related behaviors than women did, according to a 2015 study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology.)

A better approach? Embrace it. (No, Similarly, your body may react to stress with the seriously.) “Learning to work with your “challenge” response. This is chemically similar to stress, rather than against it, can safefight-or-flight, in that you feel your heart pounding guard your health,” says Kelly McGonand palms sweating, but “here you’re more focused igal, Ph.D., a health psychologist at than fearful,” says McGonigal. “You recognize that Stanford University and the author of you are bigger than your stressor and can handle it.”

The Upside of Stress. In fact, everyday And that psychological shift alters your biological stress can actually increase immunity, response—particularly productivity, and creativity, according your levels of stress horto emerging research. All it takes is a mones. You also release gear and releases a surge of stress hormones, including cortisol shift in perspective and a few tweaks more dehydroepianand adrenaline,” says McGonigal. “Meanwhile, your liver dumps to your daily habits. Here’s how to drosterone (DHEA), a fat and sugar into your bloodstream, as your blood vessels conmake the most of whatever life throws neurosteroid that helps strict and your blood pressure rises.” This reaction can occur in your way. the brain respond to both short-term stressful situations (like having to make a speech) stress and that has been and long-term ones (like caring for elderly parents).

THE SILVER LINING linked to a reduction in Although the stress response can increase your risk of illness, anxiety and depression. disease, depression, and early mortality, that’s not the whole story.

Stress gets a bad rap, and for good reaAt the same time, you “So much of what we think we know about stress is based on son. We’ve all heard about the infarelease less of t h e animal research,” says McGonigal. But new research—the kind mous fight-or-flight stress response, health-harming stress involving everyday human situations—paints a diferent picture. in which your body revs up to either One major new finding is that when people experience the fightstruggle or retreat when responding or-flight stress reaction for a brief period of time (a few seconds to a real or perceived threat. “Your to a few hours), it can speed wound healing and fight infection, sympathetic nervous system kicks into according to research from Firdaus Dhabhar, Ph.D., the director of research at the Center on Stress and Health at Stanford University.

“Stress can enhance the immune response by redistributing immune cells and increasing their functional ability,” explains Dhabhar.

Equally important, researchers now know that your thoughts can change your body’s stress response. “How we perceive stress gives us the power to stay on the good side of the stress spectrum,”

YOU’RE

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whelming, unavoidable, and greater than your resources—fight-or-flight can elbow out the other stress responses for weeks, months, and even years.

(If you’re overwhelmed or you feel as if stress is keeping you from enjoying your life, visit locator.apa.org to find a psychologist near you.)

Some experts dub this ongoing reaction “toxic stress,” and no surprise: This is what leads to prolonged inflammation of cells, tissues, and organs, which contributes to disease and early death.

HOW TO MAKE STRESS WORK FOR YOU

hormone cortisol, which could otherwise impair your immunity and contribute to that burned-out feeling. The challenge response also contributes to the sense of midwork “flow” that athletes and artists often describe.

Short of being hooked up to monitors in a lab, there’s no way to tell which stress response you’re having. But no matter what you label it, what you’re experiencing usually isn’t that bad for you. “Mother Nature gave us the stress response to help us survive, not to kill us,” says Dhabhar. You may have had a hair-pulling day at work, but when you get home, you recalibrate with a long run or by laughing with your family over dinner—and so your body and brain recoup and recover, preventing deep damage from occurring.

WHEN STRESS IS DANGEROUS Of course, stress isn’t always helpful or benign. It tips into the danger zone when your body and brain don’t get any reprieve because your circumstances are unrelenting and seemingly hopeless (for example, if you’re dealing with extreme poverty or clinical depression or are in an abusive relationship).

In those situations—or whenever you feel that your circumstances are over-

Short bursts of stress can improve immunity, speed healing, and even prompt your body to release moodboosting hormones, such as oxytocin.

As researchers point out, one of the most crucial factors in whether you have a healthy reaction to stress is the way you view it. Sound hokey? It’s science. Adults who said that they experienced high levels of stress but didn’t think it was bad for them were less likely to die prematurely, even compared with people who reported little to no stress, according to a 2012 study published in the journal Health Psychology.

In contrast, people who felt that stress was detrimental increased their risk of early death by as much as 43 percent. Although the study didn’t delve into the biology behind this phenomenon, adults who viewed stress as potentially beneficial had lower levels of cortisol, according to a 2013 report published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “If you operate on the idea that stress isn’t good for you, as most people do, you already believe a thought or emotion is capable of profoundly influencing your biology,” says McGonigal.

“Why not try to swap that belief for a more ultimately help you to feel less stressed. “Repeated exposure to empowering one?” difficulty builds resilience, which serves as a sort of stress inocuEven if you can’t bring lation,” says Dennis S. Charney, M.D., the dean of the Icahn School yourself to welcome of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in New York City. nail-biting situations, try Every tough situation teaches you more about yourself and how to remember that whatto deal with hardship. And that makes subsequent daily hassles ever doesn’t kill you may seem more manageable, according to a 2010 study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In fact, the same study found that people who had a history of moderate adversity experienced less distress and more life satisfaction than did those who had experienced either an extreme amount of stress or very little stress.

In addition to thinking of your stress as an ally, here are five research-backed ways to turn tension into something useful.

1. Find meaning by asking yourself, “How would I feel if my biggest source of stress suddenly disappeared?” Happy and mean-

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ingful lives are not free of stress. In fact, the more stressed people considered themselves, the more meaningful they felt their lives were, according to a 2013 study published in Journal of Positive Psychology.

Being a parent, for instance, significantly increases your daily strain. But it also ups your chances of laughing and smiling regularly, according to a 2014 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index survey. (A crucial caveat: If you’re suffering from depression, skip this question and seek the help of a mental-health professional.)

2. Ease anxiety by not trying to relax.

You could take sweaty palms and a belly full of butterflies as signs that you need to get your anxiety under control, or you could think of them as your body’s saying, “I’m ready for this challenge.” When people gave a fiveminute speech to visibly disapproving judges, those who had been coached to interpret their physical reactions as beneficial (for example: “My pounding heart shows me I’m excited”) felt less anxious and had fewer signs of cardiovascular stress, such as high blood pressure, compared with 3. Use mental stress to reach a personal best. The next time those who hadn’t been you’re tense, remind yourself that stress can be helpful. You’ll coached, according to a increase the odds that your body will respond with the challenge 2013 study published in stress response, and this boosts your chances of achieving an Clinical Psychological athletic goal, according to a 2015 study published in Journal of Science.

Sport and Exercise Psychology. “It sends extra oxygen and nutrients to the brain and muscles, helping them to function more effectively,” says Lee J. Moore, Ph.D., the study author and a lecturer in sport and exercise psychology at the University of Gloucestershire, in the United Kingdom.

4. Boost creativity by—yes—procrastinating. Too much stress (think inflexible deadlines and unrealistic expectations) kills creativity. But having no pressure is just as likely to leave you in an idea rut. Experiencing a moderate level of stress while working on a particular project, however, can fuel innovation. One way to find the stress/creativity sweet spot is to stop rushing to get ahead of the game. Provided that you aren’t suffering from chronic anx-

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Tension-fueled workouts offer longer-term benefits, too: The DHEA released by the challenge response acts like an anabolic steroid of sorts and helps muscles grow stronger in reaction to physical stress from exercise.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE TOO STRESSED When you’re so frazzled that you can barely see straight, let alone deal with one more crisis, that’s a sign that you’ve been tense for too long, and that your stress is on the verge of morphing from the run-of-the-mill variety into the toxic kind. Here are three proven ways to break the stress cycle.

BE OF SERVICE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE CRAZY BUSY.

Gratias. (She recommends using calendar reminders and/or a to-do list with drop-dead dates to make sure that you don’t overpostpone.)

When your iCal is so jam-packed that looking at it makes you want to cry, that’s the best time—surprise!— to volunteer. People who spent even 10 minutes helping another person felt as though they had more time, not less, according to a 2012 study published in Psychological Science.

5. Use stress to learn. Under pressure? That’s the best time to take a break and work on your backhand or practice the piano.

“Stress helps the procedural-learning area of your brain—the part you use to hone skills that require repetitive practice,” says Shawn W. Ell, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at the University of Maine, in Orono.

(That’s because your stress response initiates a casiety or don’t regularly miss deadlines, “delaying the cade of neural events that disrupt the prefrontal start of a project can build moderate levels of poscortex, which is responsible for overthinking. This itive stress,” says Melissa Gratias, Ph.D., a psycholallows you to stop second-guessing yourself and ogist in Savannah, Georgia. “And that causes your improve your skills.) At the same time, losing yourbody to release adrenaline, norepinephrine, and self in an activity that you enjoy can lower your cortisol—hormones that improve energy and focus.” blood pressure, which will make you feel—you Just don’t confuse mind-numbing procrastination guessed it—less stressed. Q (like browsing Facebook when you have two hours to finish a massive project) with creativity-fueling rumination. “Delaying fuels creativity only if you reflect on your project and brainstorm throughout the day when you’re not actively working,” says

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CRACK OPEN A GOOD BOOK. Fiction, nonfiction— no matter. People who consider themselves regular forpleasure readers report less stress than do nonreaders, and they’re also better equipped to cope with difficult situations, according to a 2015 study from the University of Liverpool, in the United Kingdom. Researchers believe that books allow you to “live” through more experiences, which gives you perspective about your own life.

STEP AWAY FROM YOUR IN-BOX. It might not be the number of e-mails clogging your in-box that is causing you stress, but how often you check, indicates a 2014 study published in Computers in Human Behavior.

When researchers asked students and professionals to read and respond to e-mail just three times a day, their stress levels dropped. Constantly being available on e-mail reduces your sense of control, says study coauthor Kostadin Kushlev, a Ph.D. student at the University of Virginia.

Quick Cooking 115, 116, 117, 118, 131, 134, 139

Healthy Pick 114, 116, 117, 118, 133, 134, 135, 139

Freezable 119, 134 Make Ahead 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 132, 134, 139

Big Batch 119 Slow Cooker 132 One Pot 114, 118, 132, 134, 139

Whole-Grain 133, 135 Vegetarian 114, 115, 116, 118, 134, 139

Gluten-Free 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 133, 135, 139

ST U R DY S Q UA S H

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C A R L A G O N Z A L E Z- H A R T

Butternut squash will keep for up to 3 months stored in a cool, dry place. Have it on hand all winter for hearty soups (page 134).

C O LO R F U L Q U I N OA

Red quinoa holds its shape better than white, so you get a chewier texture. Cook it as a side dish for chicken thighs (page 133).

M E LT I N G P OT

Polish sausage, or kielbasa, is the secret smoky ingredient in a slow-cooker French cassoulet (page 132).

Photographs by

Christopher Testani Food Styling by

Maggie Ruggiero

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E A SY D I N N E R

1 Smoked paprika shrimp with creamy couscous HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

1 cup dried couscous 2 tablespoons cream cheese ¼ cup grated Parmesan Kosher salt and black pepper 1¼ pounds large raw shrimp, peeled and deveined 1¼ teaspoons smoked paprika FO OD

2 tablespoons vegetable oil 8 scallions, chopped 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice BRING 2½ cups water to a boil in a medium saucepan. Stir in the couscous, remove from heat, and cover. Let sit until the couscous is tender and ¾ of the water is absorbed, about 5 minutes.

Stir in the cream cheese and Parmesan until melted, then season with salt and pepper. Keep the pot covered while you cook the shrimp.

SEASON the shrimp with the paprika, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat until nearly smoking.

Add the shrimp in a single layer and cook, turning once halfway through, until the paprika is browned and the shrimp are cooked through, about 3 minutes. Turn of heat, add half the scallions, and toss to combine. Stir in the lemon juice.

SERVE the shrimp over the couscous and garnish with the remaining scallions.

Recipes by

Rachel Soszynski

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

2 Slow-cooker kielbasa and white bean cassoulet HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 5 HOURS, 15 MINUTES OR 8 HOURS, 15 MINUTES SERVES 4 TO 6

1½ cups dried white beans (such as great Northern or navy, about 8 ounces) 1 pound kielbasa, cut into 1-inch pieces 3 cups low-sodium chicken broth 1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes and their juices

FO OD

1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme leaves Kosher salt and black pepper 8 ½-inch slices of baguette, buttered and toasted, cut into cubes ¼ cup chopped flat-leaf parsley COMBINE the beans, kielbasa, broth, tomatoes, onion, garlic, thyme, and ½ teaspoon salt in a 4- to 6-quart slow cooker.

COVER and cook until the beans are tender and creamy, on low for 7 to 8 hours (checking the beans after 7 hours) or on high for 5 hours. Season with salt and pepper.

SERVE the cassoulet topped with the baguette cubes and parsley.

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E A SY D I N N E R

3 Chicken thighs with quinoa and tangy green beans HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 45 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

1 cup quinoa (red or white) 4 bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs (about 2 pounds) Kosher salt and black pepper 1 pound green beans, trimmed and snapped in half 5 ounces baby spinach (about 4 cups) FO OD

1 tablespoon unsalted butter 1 cup prepared giardiniera, cut into 1-inch pieces, plus 3 tablespoons brine COOK the quinoa according to the package directions. Keep covered to keep warm.

MEANWHILE, heat a large skillet over medium heat. Season the chicken with ¼ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon pepper.

Cook, skin-side down, without moving, until the skin is browned and crisp, about 15 minutes. Reduce heat to low, lip the thighs, and continue cooking until an internal thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh registers 165° F, another 15 minutes. Remove from the pan and keep warm.

DRAIN all but 2 tablespoons of fat from the pan and return to medium heat. Add the green beans and ¼ cup water and bring to a simmer, scraping free any browned bits. Cover and cook until crisptender, about 8 minutes. Uncover and add the spinach. Cook until wilted, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the butter and stir to melt.

Toss in the giardiniera and brine and season with salt and pepper.

SERVE the chicken, vegetables, and pan sauce over the quinoa.

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

4 Squash, mushroom, and kale soup with dill HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

2 tablespoons olive oil 1 medium onion, chopped (about 1 cup) Kosher salt and black pepper 1 pound mixed mushrooms (such as button and shiitake), stemmed and halved (or quartered if large) FO OD

4 cups vegetable broth ½ medium butternut squash, peeled and cut into ½-inch chunks (about 12 ounces) ⅓ cup orzo 4 cups loosely packed baby kale leaves (about 2½ ounces) ½ cup chopped fresh dill, plus more for garnishing HEAT the oil in a medium pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper.

Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion is softened, about 4 minutes.

Add the mushrooms and lower heat to medium. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms are tender and have released their juices, 6 to 8 minutes. Stir in the broth, squash, and orzo and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until the squash is tender and the orzo is cooked, about 15 minutes.

STIR in the kale until just wilted.

Season with salt and pepper and stir in the dill. Serve topped with more dill.

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E A SY D I N N E R

5 Spanish beef and rice bowls with avocado HANDS-ON TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 50 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

1 cup brown rice ¾ cup coarsely chopped roasted red peppers ¼ cup pitted green olives, sliced (about 6 olives) 1 tablespoon drained capers 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar 1 pound ground sirloin 1½ teaspoons cumin FO OD

Kosher salt and black pepper 4 cups shredded romaine lettuce 1 avocado, quartered COOK the rice according to the package directions.

COMBINE the peppers, olives, capers, and vinegar in a large bowl.

HEAT a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the ground sirloin and cook, stirring occasionally, until cooked through and beginning to brown, about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to low.

Stir in the cumin and 2 tablespoons of the peppers and olives and cook for 2 minutes more. Season with ½ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon black pepper.

DIVIDE the rice evenly among 4 bowls and top evenly with the meat, lettuce, remaining peppers and olives, and avocado.

NUTRITION

Get details on fat, calories, and sodium at the bottom of each recipe on RealSimple.com.

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ROA D T E ST

DID YOU KNOW?

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

FO OD

HARD CHEESE IS LOW IN LACTOSE, MAKING IT A SMART OPTION FOR PEOPLE WITH A SENSITIVITY.

BEST BLOCK CHEESES Staffers nibbled on 80 types (holy cow!) to find the best picks for slicing, shredding, and assembling a cheese platter.

Written by Heath Goldman Photographs by Danny Kim

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1

5 BEST SWISS

2 BEST GRUYÈRE

Mifroma Le Gruyère AOP Cavern Made from raw cow’s milk and aged 11 months, this winner has a crystalline crunch and an assertive but not too pungent lavor, making it a cheeseplate crowd-pleaser.

TO BUY: $14 for 7 ounces, at grocery stores.

realsimple

ROAD TEST

2 6 BEST GOUDA

Trader Joe’s 1,000 Day Aged Gouda Cheese Soft Goudas can be bland and smoked versions overwhelming.

This pick is bold but still buttery, with ine crystals throughout.

TO BUY: $12 for 16 ounces, Trader Joe’s.

4

FO OD

1 BEST ASIAGO

Sartori Extra-Aged Asiago Reserve This nutty, subtly sweet cousin of Parmesan melts quickly into an ooeygooey consistency. Try grating it on top of baked pasta or mixing it into mashed potatoes.

TO BUY: $7.80 for 5.3 ounces, at grocery stores.

Cache Valley Swiss Cheese Chunk The only Swiss we tried that didn’t separate when melted. Plus, this champ, marked by halfinch craters, is aged to be irm and pleasantly salty without an oily inish.

TO BUY: $3.40 for 8 ounces, at grocery stores.

3

3 BEST CHEDDAR

Cabot Alpine Cheddar In an aisle of processed options, this sharp white staple was complex enough for snacking (thanks to a hint of fruitiness) and versatile enough for cooking.

TO BUY: $3 for 6 ounces, at grocery stores.

4 BEST PARMESAN

Parmigiano Reggiano Aged 24 Months If your store sells only the domestic, shrinkwrapped kind, walk on by—it tends to be moist and lavorless. Instead, splurge on this crumbly, tangy hunk, lown in from the hills of northern Italy, the next time you’re at a specialty store.

TO BUY: $20 for 16 ounces, at gourmet grocery stores (such as Whole Foods Market).

5 WRAP LEFTOVER CHEESE LOOSELY IN WAX PAPER AND STORE IN THE REFRIGERATOR’S DELI OR CRISPER DRAWER.

6

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W H Y N OT T RY… ?

GR APEFRUIT

FO OD

Thought to be named for the way it grows in clusters, this citrus has long been pigeonholed as a breakfast food (or, worse, a fad diet).

But grapefruit’s sweettart lavor can brighten everything from ice cream to ish tacos. Stop spooning and start slicing, sautéing, and squeezing (mmm, grapefruit cocktails) with these well-rounded recipes.

Written by Heath Goldman Recipes by Justin Chapple Photographs by Levi Brown

Juicy fruit Lugged home a bag of grapefruit only to find the flesh inside dry and mealy?

Take time in the store to weigh each fruit in your palm. If it feels firm and heavy for its size, chances are it’s filled with juice.

Pithy observation White grapefruit, identified by its creamy yellow skin with no hint of pink blush, is slightly tangier than pink or red (the darkest of the three most common types).

Pink is particularly popular because of its balance of sweet and tang, but any variety will work in the recipes on the following page.

Store grapefruit for up to 2 weeks in the crisper drawer of the refrigerator.

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1

2

3

Gin, grapefruit, and thyme cocktail

Grapefruit-glazed pork chops

Cut away the peel and pith of 1 GRAPEFRUIT; cut into segments. Season 8 CHICKEN CUTLETS and cook in OLIVE OIL, in batches, until cooked through, 3 minutes per side; remove. Add ½ cup GRAPEFRUIT JUICE and 1¼ cups CHICKEN BROTH to the pan. Simmer for 6 minutes. Stir in 3 tablespoons BUTTER. Top the chicken with the sauce, segments, TOASTED WALNUTS, and CHOPPED PARSLEY. SERVES 4

Combine 1 tablespoon SUGAR with chopped THYME in a shallow bowl. Rub the rim of a glass with a GRAPEFRUIT wedge, then dip in the sugar mixture to coat. Muddle more thyme leaves and 2 teaspoons sugar with 3 tablespoons GIN in the glass. Stir in ⅓ cup freshly squeezed GRAPEFRUIT JUICE. Fill with ICE and top with ¼ cup SELTZER. Garnish with a grapefruit slice and thyme sprig. SERVES 1

Whisk 1 teaspoon inely grated GRAPEFRUIT ZEST, ¼ cup GRAPEFRUIT JUICE, and 3 tablespoons HONEY in a bowl. Season four 10-ounce PORK RIB CHOPS with SALT and PEPPER. Grill for 7 to 9 minutes per side. Continue grilling, basting with the grapefruit mixture, for 2 to 3 minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes. Drizzle any juices on top and serve with GRAPEFRUIT WEDGES and a GREEN SALAD. SERVES 4

4

5

6

FO O D S T Y L I N G BY M I C H E L L E G AT T O N

FO OD

Chicken with grapefruit pan sauce

Grapefruit with ginger syrup and ice cream

Shrimp, avocado, and grapefruit salad

Combine ⅓ cup WATER, ⅓ cup SUGAR, and 1 tablespoon inely grated peeled GINGER in a small saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar; let cool. Cut away the peel and pith of 1 GRAPEFRUIT. Slice into rounds and transfer to plates. Drizzle the syrup on top and serve with VANILLA ICE CREAM. SERVES 4

Cook ¾ pound shelled and deveined SHRIMP in a large saucepan of salted boiling WATER, 2 to 3 minutes. Drain and cool. Toss with 1 head torn BIBB LETTUCE, 1 sliced AVOCADO, 2 tablespoons GRAPEFRUIT JUICE, 2 tablespoons OLIVE OIL, SALT, and PEPPER. Cut away the peel and pith of 2 GRAPEFRUIT; cut into segments. Add to the salad and toss gently.

SERVES 4

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Grapefruit pico de gallo Cut away the peel and pith of 2 GRAPEFRUIT. Cut the fruit into ½-inch pieces and transfer to a bowl along with any juices. Stir in ¼ cup each thinly sliced RED ONION and chopped CILANTRO, 2 tablespoons OLIVE OIL, 1 minced JALAPEÑO, 1 teaspoon SALT, and ½ teaspoon PEPPER. Serve on top of FISH TACOS. SERVES 4 TART THINKING

For more fresh ways to use this semisweet fruit, go to realsimple.com/grapefruit.

W I T H A B RO O D O F F O U R A N D A H I G H - P R E S S U R E J O B , T H I S S E L F- P RO C L A I M E D T Y P E A I S S T I L L W O R K I N G O N B E I N G O K

SARA A. KILGALLEN, 38

W I T H L E AV I N G T H E D I S H E S I N T H E S I N K O V E R N I G H T.

• Registered nurse at White Plains Hospital Center • Married to Peter Kilgallen, with four children, Connor, 8; Quinn, 7; Noah, 4; and Aiden, 2 • Rye Brook, New York

FLEX TIME

“Since I fill in the gaps in the weekday schedule, I get out of work early enough for school pickups.”

5:55 A.M. “Four days a week, I go the gym before work. It sets

the tone for the day. When I get home, my husband and I only have a half hour to get the troops rolling and off to school.”

11:15 A.M. “At the hospital, my coworker Orissa Suroweic gives me the day’s report. We act as air-traffic control for the staff and the patients going in and out of operating rooms.”

HER KEEP-ITTOGETHER RX No.1

“With four kids, there are four personalities and four moods.

It’s impossible to make everyone happy at all times. You just choose the greater good.”

No.2

“I didn’t realize how much I missed quiet.

Now I get up at 5 A.M. to take a minute for myself before the fun begins.”

12:30 P.M. “While one nurse interviews the next patient, the

rest of our team has 30 minutes to set up the equipment and make sure the surgeon has everything needed for surgery.”

4:10 P.M. “After school I help with homework—third-grade math is no joke. Noah is too young but wants to be part of the action. I’ll give him my phone so he won’t distract his siblings.”

No. 3

GET WITH THE PROGRAM

“Coffee and makeup are my secrets to life.

And wine on a Friday night.”

5:20 P.M. “Quinn likes to change clothes multiple times a day

for no particular reason. Yes, it creates extra laundry, but I let it go. She’s my only girl, and I enjoy being girlie with her.”

6:15 P.M. “For Peter’s 40th birthday, we ordered in and had ice cream cake. Typically, dinner feels like a tornado that’s over in 15 minutes, but we try to sit down together every night.”

Photographs by Emily Kinni

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“When it comes to meal- and bedtimes, Peter and I tag-team the kids: He takes two; I take two.”

PROMOTION

CH O O S E YO U R OW N

ADVENTURE New Year’s resolutions tend to be monotonous and hard to keep. This year, forget the gym and juice cleanses and take your family on a trip around the world. The journey begins with Emirates.

Looking for international inspiration for tonight’s family dinner? Let Emirates help with this delicious recipe.

SAFFRON MOUGRABIEH SALAD Serves: 6 INGREDIENTS 2

cups of Mougrabieh (Israeli couscous)

4 ½ cups water ½

pinch of saffron

4

cups of red cherry tomatoes, quartered

1

tbsp of garlic cloves, minced

5

tbsp olive oil

3

tbsp lemon juice

½

tsp salt

2

tbsp spring onions, sliced

¾

cup pomegranate seeds

2

tbsp parsley

2

tbsp green zataar leaves

2

tbsp green peppers, diced

½

cup black olives

Dash of white pepper

TRAVEL TO A NEW COUNTRY

Indulge your adventurous side by booking a trip to a new locale full of fresh culture and intrigue. Emirates offers over 140 possible destinations worldwide, including Dubai, Sri Lanka, Seychelles, and more. Start the year off on the right flight.

LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE

Dedicate one night a week for the family to practice a new language. Make fun flashcards, and devote a period of time to only speak in that dialect. Use it as motivation for a trip later once you’ve reached a level of understanding.

SAMPLE A NEW CUISINE

Have one family member per week choose a new international cuisine for a night everyone is home. Indian? Learn to bake naan bread. Japanese?

Roll fresh sushi and sashimi.

The possibilities are endless— just like the tasty meals you get with Emirates.

1 ¼ cup of feta cheese, crumbled PREPARATION Bring the water to a boil, add the saffron and mougrabieh, and simmer to cook. Remove the mougrabieh to cool. Once cooled, place on a serving plate. In a bowl, place the olive oil, garlic, lemon juice, and seasoning. Whisk well to form the dressing. Place all other ingredients together and toss well.

Start the New Year right at EMIRATES.COM/US.

REALSIMPLE

REALSIMPLE

YOUR SUNDAYPREP CHECKLIST Post this on the refrigerator to keep you on task. (See page 112 for recipes.)

This year is for you!

All kinds of quick advice, handpicked from the issue, to help you stay happy, healthy, and organized in 2016

STEP NO. 1

COOK/STEAM/BOIL O O O O O O

Hard-boil eggs Steam potatoes Cook a grain (such as brown rice) Simmer a soup Boil noodles (for mac and cheese) Make cheese sauce (for mac and cheese)

1

7

Zoning out may seem frivolous and unproductive,

For instant relief: Clear off your kitchen countertops.

but when you stare into space and let your mind wander, your brain (aha!) is making connections.

Over the course of a week, take notice of what’s cluttering the counter, then give those items a home. Every night before bed, do a quick scan and put away any items that don’t belong there.

2

If you want weekly dinner prep done well, do it yourself.

Sorry to say, but this is a job best tackled without loved ones underfoot.

3

STEP NO. 2

In your job, stay clear about your identity.

ROAST AND TOAST O O

Compromising who you are is never worth the position, the title, or the monetary gain.

Roast a versatile vegetable (such as squash) Toast 2 cups nuts (walnuts or almonds)

4

Want more time?

Volunteer your time. People who spend even 10 minutes helping someone else feel as if they have more, not less, time.

STEP NO. 3

WASH AND TRIM O O O O O O

5

Trim and cube 1 pineapple (or 2 mangoes) Wash and cut 1 bunch celery (or broccoli) Wash and trim ½ pound snow peas (or 2 peppers) Clean, trim, and tear 1 bunch kale Wash and dry 1 head lettuce Wash and chop 1 bunch fresh herbs

When paring down your wardrobe, imagine that your closet is about to catch ire.

What would you save?

O O O O

Tuna salad Bean dip Herb yogurt dip Meatballs

Don’t try to relax when a challenge presents itself. Instead, tell yourself that experiencing stress can ultimately ease your anxiety.

9

Make quiet your new default.

Do the simple things, like leaving your cell phone at home when you walk the dog and turning of e-mail and social-media notiication dings.

10

When you’re right and somebody else is, well, wrong, saying “I told you so” might feel great, but hold your tongue.

A little diplomacy, a little tact, and a lot of silence go a long way.

6

Asking for a raise?

Start the conversation with the real reason that you’re asking for more money. This will allow for the possibility of a variety of solutions.

STEP NO. 4

MAKE AND STORE

8

THE EXPERTS JENNIFER BAUMGARTNER, PSY.D., psychologist, wardrobe consultant, and author of You Are What You Wear; CHRISTINE CARTER, PH.D., sociologist at the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center and author of The Sweet Spot; ELIZABETH CLEMANTS, a New York City mediator; ERIN ROONEY DOLAND, decluttering pro based in the Washington, D.C., area; FELITA HARRIS, senior vice president of global commercial development at Lela Rose; JEREMY JAMIESON, PH.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rochester; MANDY CERKA MROZ, audiologist in Red Wing, Minnesota; JUDITH VIORST, author of Wait for Me: And Other

Poems About the Irritations and Consolations of a Long Marriage.

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We believe every decision you make during your flight should be between the spectacular and the incredible.

And when you fly with us, you can have them both and more.

Up to 2,000 channels of entertainment Personal widescreen TV Free Wi-Fi on select aircraft

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