How do I politely tell a friend that I’m not interested in socializing with her other friends? I get frequent invitations to gatherings from her and I do not wish to hurt her, but I don’t care for her friends.
I work in an office with an open floor plan. There is often sneezing going on. Is it bad manners if I don’t say “Bless you” to each person for each sneeze? It seems superfluous. Is this tradition outdated?
R. V.
A. B.
Thank your friend for including you, then politely decline the offers as they arise. There’s no need to communicate that you don’t like her friends. If expansiveness is her M.O., she may think nothing of inviting you or of the turned-down invitations. If you feel you must account for yourself, say, “I really crave one-on-one time with you! I’m greedy like that.” If there’s a special occasion—her birthday, say—then make an exception, since loving obligation can trump personal preference.
Unless you grew up during the Black Death and thus believe that your coworkers are in danger of sneezing out their souls, saying “Bless you” is more of a charming courtesy than a social requirement. And courtesy requires that you balance reality against adherence to tradition. In other words, if every time someone sneezes, you yell “Bless you” across the office, and she yells “Thank you,” and you yell “You’re welcome,” then the pendulum may be tipping away
from graciousness and toward irritating interruption. “Blessing” someone has the paradoxical effect of drawing negative attention to the sneezing— especially if “Bless you” is (passiveaggressive) code for “Thanks for getting us all sick.” That said, I like to say “Bless you” when people sneeze, and I like people to say it to me. It’s a dangerous world, and I’ll take all the kindness I can get. So if you’re talking about the odd nearby achoo— not bouts of serial sneezing—go ahead and offer a whispered blessing or gesundheit. Or, you know, a tissue. H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E ST I O N ?
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