RS - July 2016

realsimple LIFE MADE EASIER

S H O RT S F O R E V E RY B O DY T Y P E PAG E 81

EASY SUMMER FUN 89 refreshing ways to enjoy every minute

+

TIME TO CHILL

Lemonade, ice pops, and cocktails

CONTROL YOUR E-MAIL IN-B OX: A 4-STEP PL AN LIFE-CHANGING HAIR MAKEOVER S WHY GOSSIP C AN BE GO OD FOR YOU

JULY 2016

“I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femininity. And I want to be respected in all my femaleness. Because I deserve to be.”

Photograph by GS

JULY 2016

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REST ASSURED. It’s more than just a pretty shade of blue.

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I T ’S T I M E TO R E D E F IN E WHAT PAINT CAN DO.

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YO UR MONTHLY D OSE OF USEFUL TIDBIT S, TIMELY T RIVIA,

1785

18 to 26

60

FEET

1.25

MINUTES The maximum amount of time it took concertgoers’ stress levels to drop while listening to a live music performance, as reported in a March 2016 Public Health study.

Researchers conducted two separate experiments four months apart, with more than 100 subjects attending a show by classical composer Eric Whitacre. Saliva samples taken before and an hour into each concert showed that levels of the stress-related hormones cortisol and cortisone decreased by 31 percent and 25 percent respectively. Next researchers hope to test the stress reactions to musical genres beyond classical.

In the meantime, see how you feel at one of this summer’s mega performances: Adele, Usher, Coldplay, Lana Del Rey, and others take the stage this month.

28 The number of celebrities that veteran journalist Kate Coyne dishes about in her new memoir, I’m Your Biggest Fan. Coyne recounts in juicy detail the time Neil Patrick Harris walked away from her for talking too much, how it took her 500-ish tries (in the form of e-mails, faxes, and desperate pleas) to book her first celebrity cover (Madonna!), and why George Michael is her all-time favorite. With humor, heart, and acknowledgment of the absurdity of it all, Coyne (currently an editor at People, Real Simple’s sister brand) shares behind-thescenes stories (who knew Charlize Theron could polish off a mountain of meat for breakfast?) just made for beach reading.

The estimated length of two “supersharks” revealed last year in Texas by researchers at the Dallas Paleontological Society. That’s about the length of a stretch limo— proving once again that everything is bigger in Texas. Based on their 32-inch-long skulls (the only bones found), scientists surmise that these ancient sea creatures existed a jaw-dropping 70 million years before the rise of dinosaurs and were about 25 percent bigger than today’s largest predatory shark, the great white (a mere goldfsh in comparison).

For more schooling on the big fsh, tune in to Shark Week. It runs from June 26 to July 3 on the Discovery Channel.

How many fewer pretzels people consumed when they could hear themselves chew, compared with those who couldn’t hear themselves, reports a July 2016 study published in the journal Food Quality and Preference. To test the impact that “the Crunch Effect” has on how we eat, about 70 participants snacked on pretzels while wearing headphones that played white noise either loudly or quietly.

The results showed that those who were deaf to their munching ate more (four pretzels) than did people who could hear it (2.75).

In fact, even thinking about how something sounds when being eaten reduced consumption. Surprising?

We hear you.

Written by

N. Jamiyla Chisholm Illustrations by

Clare Owen

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The year the Annual Fourth of July Celebration in Bristol, Rhode Island, was established, making it the oldest continuous Fourth fete in the country. Bristol (population 23,000), which calls itself “America’s most patriotic town,” started its streak when Revolutionary War veteran the Reverend Henry Wight and others gathered there to hear speeches honoring the country’s new independence.

Bristol gets its party started early, on Flag Day (June 14), but the true highlight is the local July 4 parade down red, white, and blue– striped Hope Street.

FOR MORE FUN FACTS AND FIGURES,

follow us on Twitter (@RealSimple).

T H A N K Y O U T O J O H N M A I S E Y, C U R AT O R I N C H A R G E O F T H E PA L E O N T O LO G Y D I V I S I O N AT T H E A M E R I C A N M U S E U M O F N AT U R A L H I S T O R Y, I N N E W Y O R K C I T Y.

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HOW TO CLE AN YOUR SUMMER STUFF ......... 66

07. 2016

ON THE COVER Easy summer fun: 89 refreshing ways to enjoy every minute 23, 24, 30, 34, 36, 59, 62, 102, 116 Control your e-mail in-box 98 Life-changing hair makeovers 124 Why gossip can be good 74 Shorts for every body type 81 Time to chill: lemonade, ice pops, and cocktails 23, 116, 144 Cover Photograph by

Stephen Lewis Food Styling by

Victoria Granof Set Design by TA K E I T O U T D O O R S : 4 7 PA RT Y T I P S . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 6

Jeffrey W. Miller P O RT R A I T O F A N A RT I ST ....................................... 1 10

SHELLFISH MADE E A SY (AND DELICIOUS) .................. 102

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Life Lessons GOOD READ

After 40-plus years of mixed feelings about her nose, Rachel Hager fnally came to a decision . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

39

MODERN MANNERS PARTY ANIMAL

THOUGHTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 THE SIMPLE LIST . . . . . . . . . 8 EDITOR’S NOTE . . . . . . . . . 1 7

A festive piñata keeps the good times rolling at a backyard barbecue.

For more fun ideas, see page 116.

Catherine Newman on in-laws who show favoritism, baby-shower thank-yous, and more . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

45

EXPERTISE

5 ways to end an argument ASAP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

48

BREATHE

Relax, fast, with this month’s do-anywhere exercise . . . . 5 2

the Guide

Your Words

BEAUTY

FASHION

What makes a good houseguest? . . . . . . . . . . .

PRETTY SMART . . . . . . . . . 5 9

HOW TO WEAR SHORTS

ROAD TEST

Stylish advice for wearing this cool summer look . . 8 1

19

Frizz fghters . . . . . . . . . . .

62

HEALTH

HOME

the Realist

The right therapy for you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

TOYS OF SUMMER

Care instructions for grills, infatables, etc. . . 6 6

BETTER BREAKFAST

Smart solutions for life’s little disasters . . . . 2 6

ASK THE ORGANIZER

Clutter conundrums, solved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

70

YOU NOW

REAL SIMPLIFIER

FAMILY

How to actually relax on vacation . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 0

GOSSIP: A FIELD GUIDE

Cannellini beans . . . . . . .

Roasted Plums with Yogurt and Walnuts . . 1 4 8

95

How to make the best frst impression at an interview . . . . . . . .

.. 72

A LIFE IN FULL

Marcy Isdaner: wife, mom, summercamp owner . . . . . . . . . . 1 5 2

ASK BUCKY

Fitted sheet . . . . . . . . . . . 2 8

THE STAPLE

Kim Kovel, senior material and color innovator at Nike . . . . . .

THE VETS WILL SEE

Your vexing pet questions, answered

NEW USES FOR OLD THINGS

WHY NOT TRY…?

THINGS COOKS KNOW . . 1 4 6

THE VIEW FROM HERE

NOW WHAT?!?

5 EASY DINNERS . . . . . . . 1 3 5

87

WORK & MONEY

PRETTY PRACTICAL

Watercolor eyes . . . . . . . 2 4

Food

Persian cucumbers . . . 1 4 4

TELL ME ABOUT IT

HOW TO CLEAN THE

JULY AT A GLANCE

Why lemonade is so utterly refreshing . . . . . . 2 3

To get the recipe for the tangy summer treat on our cover, turn to page 120.

96

PRODUCTIVITY PRIMER

Tips to manage it, for kids and for adults . . . . .

Surprising ways to gain control of your in-box . . 9 8

74

32

TREND TO TRY

Chokers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 4 LITTLE HELPERS . . . . . . . . 3 6

Features THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER

All the sea-crets (sorry) you need to prep and cook shellfsh at home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

102

BILLY IS A PAINTER

A dedicated mom encourages her nonverbal, autistic son with an artistic approach to communication . . . . .

S M A RT S U M M E R P RO D U C T S TO HELP MAKE THE S E A S O N A TA D L E SS ST R E SS F U L

110

PARTY TRICKS

Your one-stop guide to a season of stress-free—and really fun—entertaining . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 6 PAG E 1 35

BOUNCE BACK

Gorgeous-yet-realistic hair makeovers for fve resilient women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

124

REAL SIMPLE® (ISSN 1528-1701) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY TIME INC. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10281. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, P.O. BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. 40110178. RETURN UNDELIVERABLE CANADA ADDRESSES TO: POSTAL STN. A, P.O. BOX 4015, TORONTO, ON M5W 2T2. GST#888381621RT0001. SUBSCRIBERS: IF THE POSTAL SERVICE ALERTS US THAT YOUR MAGAZINE IS UNDELIVERABLE, WE HAVE NO FURTHER OBLIGATION UNLESS WE RECEIVE A CORRECTED ADDRESS WITHIN TWO YEARS. U.S. SUBSCRIPTIONS: $28.95 FOR ONE YEAR. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME. MAILING LIST: WE MAKE A PORTION OF OUR MAILING LIST AVAILABLE TO REPUTABLE FIRMS. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE, REALSIMPLE.COM/CUSTOMERSERVICE. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE TO REAL SIMPLE AT P.O. BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. © 2016 TIME INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS PROHIBITED. REAL SIMPLE® IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF TIME INC. VOLUME 17, ISSUE 7. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.

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Getting ready for summer has never tasted this delicious.

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New on realsimple.com VISIT THE SITE FOR E XCLU SIVE IDE A S, TIP S, AND WAYS TO MAKE LIFE E A SIER—E VERY DAY.

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YO U R FAVO R I T E SOUND OF S U M M E R I S…

O U R FAVO R I T E PINS THIS MONTH

pinterest.com/ realsimple

COLD-BREW ICED TEA

This refreshing drink becomes the perfect party beverage when you put it in a Mason jar.

The tune of the ice cream truck! We know— you have to stop yourself from running down the driveway. We asked, and these are your favorite summer treats.

Rebecca Schwei Choco Taco. Always and forever.

Jill Stewart It was always the banana pops from the truck, in Southern California.

What a great memory.

TERR A-COT TA TR ANSFORMED Burnt orange, be gone! Whether you need a creative hostess gift or pretty porch decor, you can easily DIY these pots over a weekend.

Visit realsimple.com/terracottapots to see how we made these gorgeous planters.

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Stephanie Pellegrino Firecracker Popsicle— loved the red, white, and blue colors. It meant summer was here.

Jen Goering Conner Mine is and always will be the Screwball. The perfect-blend cold, sugary confection—and a gum ball at the end!

REALSIMPLE.COM

STRAWBERRY SLAB PIE

Bring this crowdpleasing dessert to your next picnic or Fourth of July barbecue.

P L A N T E R S : P H O T O G R A P H S BY P H I L I P F R I E D M A N ; S T Y L I N G BY B L A K E R A M S E Y. FA R R I G H T, T O P : P H O T O G R A P H BY G R A C E E L K U S .

FA R R I G H T, B O T T O M : P H O T O G R A P H BY J M U C K L E ; FO O D S T Y L I N G BY J O H N B J O S TA D

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about hair shirts lately. As in: Why? Why was a clothing item designed to express atonement or penance— basically, to punish the wearer— made of hair? Animal hair has always been plentiful, but the same can be said about bark and straw and lots of other things that would irritate the skin if made into a weird, punishing shirt.

And then it came to me. It makes complete sense. Just think about the primal link between hair and happiness (or unhappiness, as it were)! I would even venture to guess that the first person who said, “I’m having a bad hair day,” was probably wearing a hair shirt.

OK, people, raise your hands if your hair makes you feel bad. It’s a fraught relationship, right? Full of betrayal and disappointment. And, of course, fighting. The daily fighting! Now imagine fighting your hair and fighting challenging circumstances in your life at the same time.

I’m sure that’s the case for some of you, and you are far from alone.

Take the women featured in this

P H O T O G R A P H BY P E R R Y H A G O P I A N ; H A I R BY PA U L WA R R E N U S I N G R E N E F U R T E R E R FO R A R T D E PA R T M E N T; M A K E U P BY M E L I S S A S I LV E R FO R M AY B E L L I N E N E W Y O R K . BY M A L E N E B I R G E R B LO U S E .

I

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM

’VE BEEN THINKING

A NEW DINNER FIX It’s dinner time, again. But everyone needs a night off from washing and chopping. Now our partner FreshRealm can send you fully prepped ingredients for Real Simple dinner recipes right to your door. Head to our Easy Dinners section (page 135) for details on how to get $35 off your order between now and August 31.

@KVANOGTROP

month’s story “Bounce Back” (page 124). Whether caring for an ailing spouse, recovering from a grave illness, or simply entering the dating scene after 33 (!) years, they were all facing challenges serious enough that the hair simply had to behave.

They needed some real hair TLC—to take of the metaphorical hair shirts in order to focus on much more important things.

Enter master New York City hairstylist Nunzio Saviano. One of the things I love about working at Real Simple is that those of you who read this magazine, despite your onlyhuman hair issues, tend to be fairly happy with yourselves. You accept

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yourselves for who you are, and if you want a makeover, you don’t want a radical change but rather the “you, just better” approach.

Which you will see reflected in the “Bounce Back” makeovers. Nothing so dramatically diferent that it is impossible to maintain or to replicate outside of the salon. Nothing so dramatic that the women don’t recognize themselves. Just Nunzio’s gentle, beautiful approach: them, but better.

If you need to make yourself feel happier about your hair—and therefore feel happier about life—take a look at Nunzio’s handiwork and come up with some ideas of your own. Or just read about the inspiring women in “Bounce Back” and join me in celebrating their beauty.

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Q. What makes a good houseguest?

A. They make themselves at home.

They’re comfortable getting their own beverages, looking around the kitchen for what they need, and even jumping right in to help with cooking and clean up. They become immediate members of the family instead of just being guests.

AIMEE SARVER, Lyons, Kansas

DOES THIS HOME SOUND LIKE YOURS? GET A JUMP-START ON SUMMER CLEANING ON PAGE 66.

Illustration by

Dan Page

They don’t judge.

Great houseguests are lifelong friends who have seen your house looking like a tornado hit it and love you anyway.

LINDA CROSSET T, Bartlett, Tennessee

Someone who is part of the routine.

I have little kids. I love it when my houseguests are willing to participate in their daily schedule (like during our very involved bedtime routine). It makes the visit so much easier, and the kids enjoy it, too.

Honesty. I want my guests to have a good time, and if they say something is fne when it’s not, I can’t help.

Tell me if the bed is hard, you were too cold, or the cat kept you up all night. I might be able to fx it. (But the cat goes where he wants.

Good luck.)

JESSICA UNDERWOOD, Waterloo, New York

BECKY C., Cameron, Missouri

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Thoughtfulness.

A good houseguest is one who comes bearing treats and goes leaving notes.

MASEY SCHR ADER, San Diego, California

They don’t overstay.

Limit your time and leave them wanting more. Also, take your host out for a meal to give the cook a break.

Visitors who unplug from their phones.

NiCE hOusEguEsts cLean...

They put down the electronic devices and engage with their host. The reverse is also true.

Your guests won’t feel very welcome if you, as host, never look up from your screen.

DEBOR AH BOEHM, Kewaunee, Wisconsin

FR ANCES DREW, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Cleaning up after yourself in the bathroom is a big plus for me! #tidinesscounts @DRUMMERS GIRL07

One who retreats.

A TRULY WONDERFUL HOUSEGUEST FINDS TIME TO BE ALONE EVERY DAY OF HER VISIT, WHETHER IT’S

BY GOING OUT FOR A MOVIE OR ESCAPING TO HER ROOM TO READ. IT ALLOWS THE HOST TO REGROUP AND LETS EVERYONE TAKE A BREATH.

Someone who helps with the dishes. Seriously, the best guests are the ones who chip in and keep things normal.

Mimic your host’s sleeping patterns.

DANIELLE KING CRISCUOLO, Norwell, Massachusetts

Please don’t blast the television late into the night or get the dogs barking at 5 A.M. because you cannot miss a day of your predawn fve-mile run.

PRUDENCE BAIRD, Brattleboro, Vermont

Someone who has an opinion.

Making all the decisions can be tiring, especially when it comes to meal planning. When we want to order in and I ask whether we should do pizza or Thai, I’m not just trying to be polite.

You’re not being picky by voicing an opinion, and I’m not a mind reader.

If pizza gives you heartburn, it’s OK to say so!

ERIN C., Sacramento, California

JEAN FACET TE, Hartford, Wisconsin

They “keep their elbows tucked in.”

Knowing when to leave! @ICHRISTE63

Which means put your stuff away, don’t spread out everywhere, and keep shared areas, like the kitchen, tidy.

BARBAR A CARR, San Diego, California

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NiCER

SUBSCRIBER OF THE MONTH

hOusEguEstS A good houseguest is one who isn’t afraid to rent her own car in case she wants to explore. It’s good not to have to rely on the hosts to get around.

ROBIN KELLEY HER ANSWER: The best house-

guests let you know the reason for their visit. Perhaps they just want to see the sights and catch up. Perhaps they’re in town for business and have only one night of free time.

Maybe they came to town to catch a show and want us to join them. We can make anything and everything work— we just need to know. Nothing is worse than a guest who says, “Oh, don’t worry about us. We’re easy. Whatever you want to do is fine.”

brinG

desSert.

KATHY JOHNSON, Orlando, Florida

Someone who plays with my children.

We don’t live near family, so my husband and I are pretty much it. When somebody comes over and pays special attention to my kids, even for half an hour, and we get to sit back and watch them having fun, it is bliss.

STATS: 62; married, with a son and a daughter; retired from the nonproft sector; Henderson, Nevada.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST BELOVED MOVIE?

It has always been Gone With the Wind.

The frst time I saw it was in the 70s with friends at an older theater in San Diego.

It had the old-style plush seats, and the ambiance was perfect—dark and cool, with a huge screen. Plus, who couldn’t love Scarlett O’Hara, faws and all?

JULIA BR ANDON, Portland, Maine

Bring wine.

Lots of wine.

WHAT IS THE MOST UNUSUAL GIFT YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?

ANGIE CAREY, Wichita, Kansas

A set of embossed china that my grandmother gave me in the seventh or eighth grade. I was always attracted to the set and checked it out each time I visited her.

But I didn’t understand why she gave it to me. I remember asking her why she didn’t want it anymore, to which she replied, “I do want it, which is why I am giving it to you.”

UPCOMING QUESTION

What Sunday ritual prepares you best for the week ahead?

WHAT WOULD YOUR SUPERPOWER BE?

Time travel. I would love to meet Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Cleopatra, and Janis Joplin. It would also be amazing to attend Woodstock. (Maybe even more than once!)

Go to realsimple.com/ yourwords and let us know your answer to this question. Your response could appear on these pages.

IN’ P P O H O S

GOOD bluebunny.com

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I N D E N E L S T R A N . S P EC I A L T H A N KS TO S U S I E B AU T I S TA , I N D E P E N D E N T F L AVO R S C I E N T I S T; PAU L B R E S L I N , P R O F E S S O R AT T H E R U TG E R S U N I V E R S I T Y D E PA R T M E N T O F N U T R I T I O N A L S C I E N C E S ; A N D S A R A H L E C O M P T E , C E N T E R D I R E C T O R AT T H E N AT I O N A L H I S T O R I C O R E G O N T R A I L I N T E R P R E T I V E C E N T E R .

UNCOMMON KNOWLED GE FOR MODERN TIME S

THE POWER OF SOUR THERE’S A REASON lemonade continues its reign as Ultimate Summertime Refreshment, and it has nothing to do with the irresistibly cute kids selling it down the block (though that helps). Scientifically speaking, what makes lemonade so satisfying on a sweltering day is its combo of cold (duh) and tart. Sour flavors stimulate salivation better than do other taste sensations, like sweet, bitter, salty, or umami, says Cordelia Running, an assistant professor of food science at Purdue University, in Lafayette, Indiana. At the frst swig, the mouth turns on its sprinklers to wash away the citric acid and neutralize it, says Running. Also, research shows that the cooling of the mouth by cold drinks satiates thirst and is perceived as refreshing. A similar response occurs with other acidic liquids, like grapefruit juice and, believe it or not, vinegar. In fact, since fresh lemons were scarce on the dusty Oregon Trail in the mid-1800s, pioneers downed a concoction of apple cider vinegar, water, and sugar.

Moral of the story: If you’re lucky enough that life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

1:1:4

THAT’S THE MAGIC RATIO OF LEMON JUICE TO SIMPLE SYRUP TO WATER FOR JUST-TANGYENOUGH LEMONADE, ACCORDING TO THE PICNIC: RECIPES AND INSPIRATION FROM BASKET TO BLANKET.

TRY LEMONADE WITH STRAWBERRY AND THYME, TOO

Discover fresh twists on the classic recipe at realsimple.com/lemonade.

Written by Brandi Broxson Photograph by James Wojcik

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P R E T T Y P R AC T I C A L

Watercolor eyes It’s baaack! Blue eye makeup (worn difused and lower on the lids) can be fun and fresh. Follow these steps to ensure that it looks modern—not disco diva.

2 A fine line

Models at the Diane von Furstenberg spring 2016 show gave a nod to 70s glamour with dramatic powder blue eye shadow.

Using a creamy blue pencil, like NYC New York Color City Proof 24HR Waterproof Eyeliner in Sky High ($4 at drugstores), line the top lids from corner to corner. Don’t stress over drawing a straight line—just make small dashes. The blue defnes and brightens (even tired) eyes.

1 3

Powder play Choose a shimmery aquamarine eye shadow, like Covergirl Flamed Out Shadow Pot in Turquoise Glow ($4 at drugstores), and pat a sheer veil over each lid.

Focus the color along the lash line, softening it as you reach the crease.

Leave a strip of bare skin between crease and brow.

Clean sweep

Written by

Chelsea Traber Burns Photograph by

Molly Cranna

JULY 2016

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REALSIMPLE.COM

Complete the look by keeping the rest of your makeup super simple.

(Think tinted moisturizer and lip balm.) Then brush a few coats of volumizing mascara on the top and bottom lashes. RS pick: Ardency Inn Modster Big mascara, $25, sephora.com.

L A R G E P H O T O : H A I R BY PA U L WA R R E N ; M A K E U P BY A S H L E I G H C I U C C I ; B A I L E Y 4 4 C H E V R O N T O P, $ 1 7 8 , B LO O M I N G D A L E S .

C O M ; S T E L L A & D O T R E L I C S T U D E A R R I N G S , $ 24 , S T E L L A D O T.C O M . P H O T O, T O P L E F T: B E N G A B B E / S T R I N G E R V I A G E T T Y I M A G E S . S T I L L L I F E S : P H O T O G R A P H S BY P H I L I P F R I E D M A N ; P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

T H E R E A L I ST

RUNWAY INSPIRATION

LIFE IS A SPORT. WE ARE THE UTILITY. BE UNSTOPPABLE.

T H E R E A L I ST

Now what?!?

My scalp is sunburned.

BRENDA COVACKS, via e-mail

To soothe the pain, apply a generous schmear of aloe vera gel to the affected areas before bedtime, says Arielle Nagler, a dermatologist at NYU Langone Medical Center, in New York City. (Lay a towel on the pillow first.) In the morning, wash with lukewarm water and an alcohol-free shampoo (like Burt’s Bees Super Shiny Mango Shampoo; $8, burtsbees.com). “Alcohol may make flaking worse,” says Nagler. Keep hair spray, gel, dry shampoo, conditioner, and mousse off the area, as they may exacerbate the problem.

While the burn is painful to the touch, nix the blow-dryer, and when brushing, avoid roots. Next time, wear a UPF hat or apply sunscreen to the exposed scalp. (Try Banana Boat Body & Scalp Quik Dry Spray; $6, walmart.com.)

THE FIX:

Written by Brandi Broxson Illustration by Peter Oumanski

JULY 2016

26

I’m moving and no longer have the box that my flat-screen TV came in.

DEBOR AH JOHNSTON, via e-mail

THE FIX: Buy a fatpanel TV moving kit from a moving company, a hardware store, or an online moving-supply retailer (like the Home Depot 65-pound TV kit; $21, homedepot.com).

It fts fat-screens measuring up to 70 inches.

Slip the included bag over the TV before securing with foam corners. Then slide it into the box carefully. To prevent damage, keep the TV in the upright position during the move, says Tony Tosov, a Geek Squad agent at Best Buy. Avoid putting pressure on the lightweight glass of the screen.

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How can I ripen green bananas?

HANNAH E., via e-mail

THE FIX: Store the fruit in a paper bag for one or two days, says Lori Taylor, a produce expert and the founder of theproducemom.com. As bananas mature, they emit ethylene, a gaseous hormone that quickens ripening. When you contain them in a bag, they’re exposed to more ethylene, so the process goes more quickly. For overnight results, add an apple, which also emits ethylene.

If you’re going to bake with the bananas, there is an even quicker method. Place whole, unpeeled bananas on a sheet pan and bake at 300°F for 1 hour, says Taylor.

Cool in the refrigerator, then peel—they’re ready for your banana bread recipe.

HAVE A DISASTER

that needs solving? E-mail your problem to askreal simple@realsimple.com.

S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O L I N D S E Y B R I D G E S , C O - O W N E R O F T H E R E S A LO N , I N C H A R LO T T E , N O R T H C A R O L I N A , A N D R O BY N J O H N O F T H E 2 0 1 6 G R E AT A M E R I C A N B A N A N A S P L I T C E L E B R AT I O N , I N L AT R O B E , P E N N S Y LVA N I A .

Smart solutions for life’s little disasters

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Fold a fitted sheet in half and tie the ends to bedposts to create a tidy toy menagerie.

FINALLY FOLD A FITTED SHEET THE RIGHT WAY

This video will show you how.

Go to realsimple. com/fittedsheet.

Photograph by James Wojcik

JULY 2016

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I N D E N E L S T R A N ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I

T H E R E A L I ST

A twin size fits neatly over a park picnic table; the elastic edges keep it from getting picked up by gusts of wind.

It can also cover a dining table for craft projects.

REAL SIMPLIFIER

How to actually relax on vacation

T H E R E A L I ST

Ever feel as if you need a vacation from your vacation? Sociologist Christine Carter, Ph.D., the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work, shares the secrets to truly restorative R & R.

We get a happiness boost just from planning a trip, right?

Yes. A study published in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life showed that the joyful anticipation provides happiness in and of itself.

I say, milk it and start planning three months in advance.

Does the destination matter?

Yes. If your goal is rest, then something low-key, like a lake house, is in order. But renting a house may involve cooking and cleaning duties, which can put a damper on relaxation. And a week of sightseeing is recharging only if you get restless sitting around.

How can you schedule sightseeing so it won’t wear you out?

Plan downtime. In my family, we do activities in the mornings, then have

Written by Brandi Broxson Illustration by Peter Oumanski

can’t fnd your reservation, look at the people involved, including yourself, with compassion.

It can help you cope with annoyance. Make a conscious efort to release your expectations and be totally open to whatever happens.

afternoons free. Or you can slot sightseeing every other day to rest up for the next adventure.

What about the length of the trip?

There’s evidence that a longer vacation can equal more thorough rest. But, really, it’s about the quality of the time. If you can only get away for a weekend without having to check work e-mails, you’re better of doing that. The trap people tend to fall into is taking work on vacation with them. This can create tremendous stress and tension.

What if it can’t be helped?

Then check e-mail in the morning or at midday and unplug the rest of the time.

How do you feel about posting on social media while on vacation?

You’re going on vacation for yourself, not for an audience of followers. Save posting for when you return to avoid getting sucked into your news feed.

What about taking photos?

Research shows that when you take a picture, the brain outsources the

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memory to the camera— you won’t be able to recall it as well. If a lot of your time is spent taking photos, you’ll miss out on building memories.

What else is a possible relaxation killer?

Anything that’s a “should.”

Just because you’re in Paris doesn’t mean you have to go to the Louvre.

You might feel FOMO— fear of missing out—but the whole point of a vacation is to experience activities you yearn for.

How do you avoid getting worked up when something goes wrong?

Practice acceptance.

If you try to resist what’s happening, that’s when an experience becomes painful. When your son throws a tantrum or a customer-service rep

REALSIMPLE.COM

Vacations are supposed to increase our productivity at work.

Yes. When you’re on vacation, you have time to daydream. The part of your brain responsible for creative insight comes alive and draws connections between things it didn’t previously connect.

That’s why people often have aha moments when they return to work.

How do you make post-vacation reentry less stressful?

I have a “no hellish travel” rule. I don’t take a complicated fight home to extend my trip by a day.

It’s less jarring to return early and slowly readjust to reality—unpack, do laundry, recover from jet lag. Do the same on your frst day at work, and try to avoid scheduling meetings. Give yourself time to get back into the swing of things.

CAN’T GET AWAY?

Discover how to achieve a peaceful staycation at realsimple.com/ staycation.

T H E STA P L E

Cannellini beans A can of these is cheap and can live for up to two years in your cupboard. But what’s even better is that the creamy, proteinpacked beans make soups, salads, and dips deliciously hearty.

Think you’ve bean there, done that? These fast, no-cook recipes just might change your mind.

Written by Heath Goldman Recipes by Jiselle Basile Photograph by James Wojcik

RS PICK: Goya cannellini

beans are plump, firm, and never mushy toward the bottom of the can.

TIP: Always rinse and drain before using.

3 QUICK IDEAS RECIPE

Cannellini salsa

T H E R E A L I ST

Stir together 1 (15-oz.) can cannellini beans; ¼ cup each chopped fresh fat-leaf parsley and sliced red onion; 3 Tbsp. each red wine vinegar and extra-virgin olive oil; and 1 tsp. each kosher salt and crushed red pepper.

Serve over grilled fsh fllets.

Serves 4.

EASY UPGRADE

White bean horseradish hummus Process 2 (15-oz.) cans cannellini beans, ¼ cup each extravirgin olive oil and prepared horseradish, 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice, and 1½ tsp. kosher salt in a food processor until smooth. Transfer to a bowl and serve with crudités. Serves 12.

EASY UPGRADE

Whisk together ¼ cup extravirgin olive oil, 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh oregano, 2 tsp. lemon zest, 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice, 2 tsp. Dijon mustard, and 1 tsp. each kosher salt and pepper. Add 4 cups sliced kale, 2 (15-oz.) cans cannellini beans, and 2 cups halved cherry tomatoes. Toss. Top with grated Parmesan. Serves 4.

CAN’T GET ENOUGH?

For 26 more recipes that use canned beans, go to realsimple. com/cannedbeans.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I N D E N E L S T R A N

Tuscan cannelliniand-kale salad

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Written by Yolanda Wikiel Photograph by James Wojcik

JULY 2016

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I N D E N E L S T R A N

T H E R E A L I ST

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Gorgeous collarbonegrazing necklaces are suddenly everywhere.

Here’s how to wear a whole range of styles.

Little helpers 4 ingenious products to make your day easier

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These stylish eyeglasses come with removable UV lenses so you can switch from specs to sunnies in a matter of seconds.

Maxwell polarized lenses, $198 for combo, toms.com.

The underside of this 33by-63-inch cotton miracle is layered with waterproof nylon, so not only will you stay dry but the beach won’t travel home with you. $50, sandusa.net.

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Eco revamp SWIMMING POOLS For greater energy eficiency and less exposure to chemicals, try one (or all) of these ideas.

COVER THE POOL. This is the most efective way to lower heating costs, particularly if you opt for a solar cover, which transfers the heat of the sun to the water. And because a cover lessens evaporation, it can reduce the amount of replacement water needed by 30 to 50 percent and lower the pool’s chemical consumption by 35 to 60 percent, says the U.S. Department of Energy.

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Pool-friendly and cute: This speaker can fit in your palm!

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Play your tunes in the pool with this compact, watertight boom box that bangs out beats for up to six hours.

In five colors. Altec Lansing Mini H2O, $40, target.com.

The platter holds two dozen halves nicely in place, and the stoneware material keeps it all cool. In eight colors. $50, lecreuset.com.

Written by Tanya Christian Photographs by Philip Friedman

JULY 2016

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PUMP. A variable-speed pump costs about 40 percent more, but you’ll get that back in energybill savings over time, says Allan Curtis, a pool designer for Legendary Escapes, in Brighton, Michigan. Set a variablespeed pump at a third of the speed and it can run three times as long. And energy costs will be a sixth of what they would be with a single speed.

SWITCH TO SALT WATER.

Converting to a saltwater setup costs upwards of $1,200. But since the system makes its own chlorine, you won’t handle chemicals or ever add too much.

—KAITLYN PIRIE

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N ; I L L U S T R AT I O N BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I . T H A N K Y O U T O C A R V I N D I G I OVA N N I , V I C E P R E S I D E N T, T E C H N I C A L A N D S TA N D A R D S , T H E A S S O C I AT I O N O F P O O L A N D S PA P R O F E S S I O N A L S .

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Saving face After decades of being teased and rebuffed because of her nose, Rachel Hager found herself considering plastic surgery in her 50s. But was she caving to cosmetic conformity or taking control?

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I T’S AUG U S T 3, 2015, and I’m sitting in a photo studio under unforgiving lighting, waiting for my closeup—just like I did before my surgery, one year earlier. But this time I am calm, happy, and extremely grateful. These photos will be the “after” of the standard before-and-after photos plastic surgeons use to help guide their work and measure the results.

You see, a few weeks shy of my 51st birthday, after years of being largely anti–plastic surgery, I capitulated—but not for a face-lift or eye work or any of the other procedures women my age tend to have.

I decided to have a nose job.

Flashback 40-something years: I was eight years old, the only child of Orthodox Jewish Holocaust survivors. It was my first day as a transfer student from an all-girls Modern Orthodox school to a more religious one in Brooklyn, New York. As the bell rang

REALSIMPLE.COM

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40

she said, “any guy who doesn’t want to go out with you or marry you because of your nose is not a guy you want.”

My response was somewhat more succinct: “You’re ruining my life!” I screamed and ran down the block to my friend Kranie’s house. Always practical, Kranie had it all figured out. “I know,” she said. “I’ll just push you down these stairs. You’ll break your nose, and then your parents will have to let you get a nose job!” I looked up at her, and for a nanosecond I was there. Then reason returned: “I appreciate the ofer, but with my luck I’ll break every bone in my body except my nose!”

In the cookie-cutter mainstream Orthodox culture I grew up in, the pressure to get married by age 21 was— and still is—intense. As I sat aging on the vine (I was in my mid-20s), an aunt I adored sat me down to talk. “Ruchele, you know we love you,” she said. “But we’ve heard from some matchmakers who are having a hard time finding you guys because of your nose.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Really? My nose—not my independent streak, not my unconventional thinking, not my college education (frowned upon in very religious circles) or secular career choice (journalism)— was the reason I wasn’t married? “If someone doesn’t want to go out with me because of my nose, he’s not the kind of guy I want anyway,” I said and stormed out. I couldn’t believe it. There theywere, my mother’s words. Not only had I said them, I meant them. By that time, my career was starting to take of. I could hold my own and then some.

“Out there,” my self-esteem was solid.

So I began to wear my nose as a badge of courage. It became my symbol of substance over shallowness.

Of being myself rather than the person others wanted me to be. In truth, it became my protective shield. But as time went on, I found I didn’t need that protection outside of the tight-knit, perfection-obsessed, Stepford Wife–

REALSIMPLE.COM

“With all you have to offer,” my mother said, “any guy who doesn’t want to go out with you or marry you because of your nose is not a guy you want.”

PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF THE AUTHOR

L I F E L E SS O N S

and we lined up in the schoolyard, I spotted a group of girls marching over to me. Uh-oh, I thought.

I must have it: that “new girl” smell.

“Hey, you,” said the tallest girl—let’s call her Sarah.

“What’s your name?”This was it, my defining moment.

I looked Sarah squarely in the eyes and responded, as steadily as I could, “Rachel.”

That’s when it started—so softly at first that I thought I’d misheard, but it wasn’t long before the chant became deafening. The girls had formed a circle around me, Sarah leading them as they shouted: “Pinocchio, Pinocchio. Big-nose Rachel. Rachel is Pinocchio!”

I bit my lips to keep from crying. Until that day, I had never even noticed my nose—and neither, it seemed, had anyone else. If they had, they’d certainly never said anything. Being new was fixable—eventually there would be someone even newer. But my nose? What was I supposed to do about my nose?

Be miserable, apparently. Try as I might, I couldn’t get the ringing of “Pinocchio” out of my ears. Nor could I look at my nose the same way. I sufered in silence.

High school was better. Because no one ever mentioned my nose, I felt more self-confident and even honed a special kind of self-deprecating nose humor so that my classmates laughed with me rather than at me. And then it happened: A girl in my sophomore class got a nose job. Some of the older girls had nose jobs, too. Their noses all looked alike, as though they had picked them out of the same catalog.

The seed was planted. I was clearly old enough for a nose job and wanted one…desperately. But my parents were having none of it. “There’s nothing wrong with your nose,” my mother insisted. “It’s a perfectly fine nose that goes with your face. It has character.

What do you want? A pug nose?”

The conversation was over—until the last year of high school, when we all began being prepped (by teachers, family, and matchmakers-for-hire) for the marriage market. I guess you could call About the author it the Orthodox version of “coming out.”

Rachel Hager is a We were learning what to say (or not) New York City–based on a date, trading in glasses for contact writer, editor, and lenses, experimenting with makeup, digital-content making sure we were attending and specialist. She is a being seen at more events. So once again coeditor of When They I broached the subject of a nose job.

Came to Take My My mother’s answer was always the Father: Voices of the same: No. “With all you have to ofer,” Holocaust.

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CHEWABLES CAUTION: Federal (U.S.A.) law restricts this drug to use by or on the order of a licensed veterinarian.

I had imbued this nose job with so much meaning and power that I had lost sight of the fact that we were talking about a nose, not human rights.

like community I’d grown up in. Lots of people, guys included, found me beautiful—and a lot of other things besides.

Then, in the summer of 2014, the subject of nose jobs came up with one of my male friends. “You put on makeup, you dye your roots, and you dress beautifully—all to improve your appearance,” he said. “Why wouldn’t you fix your nose? Your face is a gateway. Why not increase the number of guys who want to pass through that gateway to get to know the real you?” I laughed. Back to the guy issue.

He was, however, right about the makeup, hair, and clothes. “But I do those things for me,” I whined, “for how they make me feel.”

As I listened to myself, I stifled a smile. I had imbued this nose job with so much meaning and power that I had lost sight of the fact that we were talking about a nose, not human rights. If I were to have the procedure now, it would be because I wanted it, not because I thought I needed a different nose to get a man. And, just like that, a decision 40 years in the making was made. With my selfesteem and self-knowledge stronger than ever, I was going to have that nose job. It finally felt right.

Today I’m still single, proving that my nose has never had any bearing on my marital status. When people see me, they don’t say, “Oh, my God, you finally had a nose job!” They say, “Rachel, you look amazing. Better than ever. What did you do? Change your hair? Lose weight?” I just smile, reveling in my secret, and say, “Thank you.”

It’s August 3, 2015, and my photo shoot is finishing up. “OK,” the photographer says. “Last one. Give me a big smile.”

INDICATIONS: For use in dogs to prevent canine heartworm disease by eliminating the tissue stage of heartworm larvae (Dirofilaria immitis) for a month (30 days) after infection and for the treatment and control of ascarids (Toxocara canis, Toxascaris leonina) and hookworms (Ancylostoma caninum, Uncinaria stenocephala, Ancylostoma braziliense).

DOSAGE: HEARTGARD® Plus (ivermectin/pyrantel) should be administered orally at monthly intervals at the recommended minimum dose level of 6 mcg of ivermectin per kilogram (2.72 mcg/lb) and 5 mg of pyrantel (as pamoate salt) per kg (2.27 mg/lb) of body weight. The recommended dosing schedule for prevention of canine heartworm disease and for the treatment and control of ascarids and hookworms is as follows: Dog Weight

Chewables Per Month

Ivermectin Content

Pyrantel Content

Color Coding 0n Foil Backing and Carton

Up to 25 lb 26 to 50 lb 51 to 100 lb

1 1 1

68 mcg 136 mcg 272 mcg

57 mg 114 mg 227 mg

Blue Green Brown

HEARTGARD Plus is recommended for dogs 6 weeks of age and older.

For dogs over 100 lb use the appropriate combination of these chewables.

ADMINISTRATION: Remove only one chewable at a time from the foil-backed blister card. Return the card with the remaining chewables to its box to protect the product from light. Because most dogs find HEARTGARD Plus palatable, the product can be offered to the dog by hand. Alternatively, it may be added intact to a small amount of dog food. The chewable should be administered in a manner that encourages the dog to chew, rather than to swallow without chewing. Chewables may be broken into pieces and fed to dogs that normally swallow treats whole.

Care should be taken that the dog consumes the complete dose, and treated animals should be observed for a few minutes after administration to ensure that part of the dose is not lost or rejected. If it is suspected that any of the dose has been lost, redosing is recommended.

HEARTGARD Plus should be given at monthly intervals during the period of the year when mosquitoes (vectors), potentially carrying infective heartworm larvae, are active. The initial dose must be given within a month (30 days) after the dog’s first exposure to mosquitoes. The final dose must be given within a month (30 days) after the dog’s last exposure to mosquitoes.

When replacing another heartworm preventive product in a heartworm disease preventive program, the first dose of HEARTGARD Plus must be given within a month (30 days) of the last dose of the former medication.

If the interval between doses exceeds a month (30 days), the efficacy of ivermectin can be reduced. Therefore, for optimal performance, the chewable must be given once a month on or about the same day of the month. If treatment is delayed, whether by a few days or many, immediate treatment with HEARTGARD Plus and resumption of the recommended dosing regimen will minimize the opportunity for the development of adult heartworms.

Monthly treatment with HEARTGARD Plus also provides effective treatment and control of ascarids (T. canis, T. leonina) and hookworms (A. caninum, U. stenocephala, A. braziliense). Clients should be advised of measures to be taken to prevent reinfection with intestinal parasites.

EFFICACY: HEARTGARD Plus Chewables, given orally using the recommended dose and regimen, are effective against the tissue larval stage of D.immitis for a month (30 days) after infection and, as a result, prevent the development of the adult stage.

HEARTGARD Plus Chewables are also effective against canine ascarids (T. canis, T. leonina) and hookworms (A. caninum, U. stenocephala, A. braziliense).

ACCEPTABILITY: In acceptability and field trials, HEARTGARD Plus was shown to be an acceptable oral dosage form that was consumed at first offering by the majority of dogs.

PRECAUTIONS: All dogs should be tested for existing heartworm infection before starting treatment with HEARTGARD Plus which is not effective against adult D. immitis. Infected dogs must be treated to remove adult heartworms and microfilariae before initiating a program with HEARTGARD Plus.

While some microfilariae may be killed by the ivermectin in HEARTGARD Plus at the recommended dose level, HEARTGARD Plus is not effective for microfilariae clearance.

A mild hypersensitivity-type reaction, presumably due to dead or dying microfilariae and particularly involving a transient diarrhea, has been observed in clinical trials with ivermectin alone after treatment of some dogs that have circulating microfilariae.

Keep this and all drugs out of the reach of children.

In case of ingestion by humans, clients should be advised to contact a physician immediately. Physicians may contact a Poison Control Center for advice concerning cases of ingestion by humans.

Store between 68°F - 77°F (20°C - 25°C). Excursions between 59°F - 86°F (15°C - 30°C) are permitted. Protect product from light.

ADVERSE REACTIONS: In clinical field trials with HEARTGARD Plus, vomiting or diarrhea within 24 hours of dosing was rarely observed (1.1% of administered doses). The following adverse reactions have been reported following the use of HEARTGARD: Depression/lethargy, vomiting, anorexia, diarrhea, mydriasis, ataxia, staggering, convulsions and hypersalivation.

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SAFETY: HEARTGARD Plus has been shown to be bioequivalent to HEARTGARD, with respect to the bioavailability of ivermectin. The dose regimens of HEARTGARD Plus and HEARTGARD are the same with regard to ivermectin (6 mcg/kg). Studies with ivermectin indicate that certain dogs of the Collie breed are more sensitive to the effects of ivermectin administered at elevated dose levels (more than 16 times the target use level) than dogs of other breeds. At elevated doses, sensitive dogs showed adverse reactions which included mydriasis, depression, ataxia, tremors, drooling, paresis, recumbency, excitability, stupor, coma and death. HEARTGARD demonstrated no signs of toxicity at 10 times the recommended dose (60 mcg/kg) in sensitive Collies. Results of these trials and bioequivalency studies, support the safety of HEARTGARD products in dogs, including Collies, when used as recommended.

HEARTGARD Plus has shown a wide margin of safety at the recommended dose level in dogs, including pregnant or breeding bitches, stud dogs and puppies aged 6 or more weeks. In clinical trials, many commonly used flea collars, dips, shampoos, anthelmintics, antibiotics, vaccines and steroid preparations have been administered with HEARTGARD Plus in a heartworm disease prevention program.

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In one trial, where some pups had parvovirus, there was a marginal reduction in efficacy against intestinal nematodes, possibly due to a change in intestinal transit time.

HOW SUPPLIED: HEARTGARD Plus is available in three dosage strengths (See DOSAGE section) for dogs of different weights. Each strength comes in convenient cartons of 6 and 12 chewables.

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Dogs can’t hide from heartworm disease The threat of potentially deadly heartworm disease is everywhere. It only takes one mosquito bite to transmit it.

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Modern Manners RE AL SIMPLE ’S E TIQUE T T E E XPERT, C ATHERINE NE WMAN, OFFER S HER BE ST ADVICE ON YO U R S O CI AL QUANDAR I E S.

My mother-in-law prefers two of my children over my third, and her favoritism shows. She calls two of them on their birthdays but not the other. He notices that Grandma treats him differently, and it’s hard for me to see. My mother-in-law is offended by suggestions that she does this. Is there a way to talk about it with her? If not, how do I take care of it with my child?

I own a small business and have about five employees. Most of them are significantly younger than I am.

Is it appropriate for me to correct their grammar? I’ve been biting my tongue, but they represent my company when they speak to customers, and I want my company to be the picture of professionalism.

O. R.

About Catherine

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

M.J.

I was the unfavorite child of my own divisive grandmother, and it was a huge relief to me when my parents finally acknowledged this fact, rather than ignoring it or trying to explain it away. I was probably 10 or so, and the conversation inaugurated my passage into the happily transparent world of uncomfortable truths spoken aloud: Grandma is not nice to you, and we’re so sorry. With my parents on my side, it never hurt again. If your son is old enough, I would start there. Spelling out the problem and offering your unwavering support will do far more to protect and reassure him than will trying to change your mother-in-law’s behavior. That said, you should still try. Can your spouse

help? This is his or her mother, after all, and perhaps the effort will be more effective if it comes from the blood relation. Whoever does it, be sure to (1) stick with the facts. It is much easier for her to argue against a perception (you don’t like our kid) than to dispute concrete examples of inequality and mistreatment (you forgot to call him on his birthday).

And (2) solicit her help. It feels better to be called upon for assistance than to be accused of favoritism. Remind her that this (less loved) grandchild could use some extra attention, and brainstorm ways she might offer it.

“We know you cherish him,” you might prompt, optimistically. “We just want to make sure he knows it, too.”

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The author of Catastrophic Happiness and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

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This is tricky. On the one hand, your employees do indeed represent the company, and it is perfectly reasonable to hope for the strongest representation possible. On the other hand, it is rude to correct other people’s grammar, and it is not in your own best interest for your employees to feel embarrassed or overly scrutinized. If I were you, I would call an all-staff meeting and describe your grammatical wishes to the group as a whole, rather than singling anybody out. “This is a pet peeve of mine,” you can say, by way of excuse, “and it might seem silly, but I really

Her science camp, his playdate, your family reunion.

No sweat.

do care about proper grammar and consistency.” Use a whiteboard to list the most common or egregious offenses that you’ve heard, invite your staff to help correct them, and make the whole exercise fun, if you can. If you like, send out a follow-up memo with a cheat sheet of correct usage.

Your young employees may feel grateful for the professional polishing.

My coworkers—about 50 of them— collected money as a baby-shower gift for me. I also received individual gifts and gift cards from a few people. Three people organized the shower and paid for the food. How do I properly thank everyone? I was thinking of writing a card thanking everyone as a whole, then writing individual thank-you notes to those who gave me baby supplies and gift cards and those who put the shower together. I was also thinking of ordering little gifts for the people whose names were listed on the gifts and gift cards, but I don’t want the other employees to feel left out.

A. D.

Lucky you for having such a festive and supportive community of coworkers! The little gifts sound like overkill to me. (I can picture a neverending chain of thank-you gifts.)

But the impulse is lovely, and the rest of your plan seems exactly right.

Standard etiquette rules suggest that a group gift can be met with a group thank-you, provided that it’s a large group (50 qualifies!) and not a handful of people to whom you could readily write personal notes.

Likewise, individual gifts merit individual thanks. And, yes, certainly thank the people who organized the happy event.

My 16-year-old daughter recently asked me how to end an e-mail reply to a teacher who had e-mailed asking for her assistance with a project. I was at a loss. “Thanks,” seems a weird way to end when replying to a request. What is the proper way to close electronic communication these days? I’ve taken to “Best” over “Sincerely,” because the latter seems lame and out-of-date, but “—[name]” feels inadequate.

THE POWER OF TWO.

E. S.

Your daughter has great social instincts. She knows that e-mail etiquette matters, and she thought to ask for your help. And you advised her well. There does need to be a sign-off, and it shouldn’t be overly familiar.

(Even if I am always tempted to sign my e-mails, “Stay gold, Ponyboy,” after that tear-jerking line from The Outsiders.) “Best” is pretty standard these days, and adding a word to say “Best wishes” or “Best regards” makes the sign-off simultaneously warmer and more formal. I like the old-fashioned “Yours truly” and “Sincerely,” especially for the respect they project, but they’re certainly not necessary. The only place we differ significantly is on the question of thanks. There are presumably many students to choose from, and the teacher’s request suggests a vote of confidence in your daughter.

“Thank you for thinking of me for this project,” or “Thank you for soliciting my input,” would make a fitting conclusion before the “Best wishes.”

H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E ST I O N ?

Submit your social conundrums to Catherine at REALSIMPLE.COM/ MODERNMANNERS. Selected letters will be featured on these pages every month.

BIG CLEAN. SMALL PRICE. OFFICIAL LAUNDRY DETERGENT OF

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Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of Major League Baseball Properties, Inc. Visit MLB.com

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E X P E RT I S E

5 ways to end an argument ASAP Remember these tips in the heat of the moment. (Heat of the moment includes but is not limited to: yelling at spouse about dishes, yelling at kids to stop yelling at each other, yelling at everyone about politics.)

1 E M I LY B A Z E LO N

Tell a personal story.

I was raised in a family that argued a lot about politics, and I still do, both on my podcast and in life. A personal story can take the hot

Written by Rebecca Webber Illustration by Ben Wiseman

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air out of the conversation. People start paying attention with their hearts as well as their minds. I was a guest recently on a conservative podcast, and we were going back and forth on whether it’s wrong or not to prevent Muslims from entering the country in order to prevent terrorism. I finally said something like “I’m Jewish, and the idea of passing laws that treat people diferently on the basis of religion makes me very, very nervous.”

When someone brings a personal narrative into the argument, it’s harder for the other person to keep going— they feel like they are negating your personal experience. It’s like a reset button. It helps everyone remember that they are talking to a fellow human being and to have a little compassion.

3

5

H E AT H E R H AV R I L E S K Y

2 C R A I G BY ST RY N S K I

Get out your iPhone timer.

When you have a group that turns combative—like a PTO meeting at a school—you need an assertive leader who can set time limits for each speaker (a couple of minutes) and for the entire discussion (say, 30 minutes—then shelve it or take a vote).

You can pass around a stress ball or a pen to designate who is speaking. People will, in trying to make their point, restate the same thing in different ways. That’s not productive. Time limits help with that.

But the leader needs to recognize when the argument is becoming redundant and cut it of. The fastest way is to state the problem in your own words—“OK, I understand your issue is this…”—then move on.

Imagine recapping it.

Sometimes I think how the fight will sound when I tell a girlfriend about it the next day. I’ll have to say, “It was about how I unload the dishwasher, you know?” Or “It was about some raw chicken on a plate.” Or “He bought the wrong bread for the third time. Then I started screaming.”

If you can flash-forward to the embarrassing moment when you recap the fight—and hear how you might sound like the aggressive or crazy one— it makes you slow your roll and reexamine what you’re bringing to the table. You see how silly it all is. If you have kids around, you don’t even need to imagine.

You have witnesses right there—and that might keep you honorable.

4

J O H N D O N VA N

ERICA REISCHER

Sometimes when I’m moderating a debate on a controversial cultural issue, things can almost go of the rails. The debate becomes a nasty put-down exchange.

In one extreme moment, two debaters with opposing views on Israel and Palestine got furious and started screaming incomprehensibly at each other. Nobody could hear anything.

In that case, I left my podium, went over to them, and raised my hands like Moses parting the Red Sea, as if to say, “Stop.”

It was a little bit of a shaming moment, honestly. You can use it with people you know well, to get them to cut it out, calm down, and take turns listening to each other. Make it clear that nobody’s getting anywhere, and call upon them to be their better selves.

Quick! Picture a soft underbelly.

Anger is often the hard shell covering the sadness or helplessness we’re too vulnerable to show. If you’re arguing with someone close to you—like your spouse or a good friend—read between the lines. Say to yourself, “Instead of responding to the anger, I’ll look for the soft side. What’s really going on?” That will help you respond in a kinder, more patient way. If you’re the angry person, try hard to voice the feelings, rather than just your view of the facts. So: “I realize I’m just disappointed because you didn’t run the errand I asked you to, and that makes me feel unimportant.” Your spouse will probably say, “Of course you’re important to me!”

It quickly changes the conversation.

Get in the middle.

THE EXPERTS

E M I LY BA Z E L O N is a staff writer at The New York Times Magazine and a cohost of the Slate podcast Political Gabfest. She lives in New Haven, Connecticut.

C R A I G BYS T RY N S K I is the editor in chief of PTO Today, which offers ideas and advice for parent-teacher organizations. He lives in Natick, Massachusetts.

H E AT H E R H AV R I L E S K Y is the author of New York magazine’s Ask Polly column and the book How to Be a Person in the World.

She lives in Los Angeles.

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ERICA REISCHER, P H . D. , is a psychologist, a parent educator, and the author of What Great Parents Do (out next month).

She lives in Oakland.

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J O H N D O N VA N is the host and moderator of the Intelligence Squared U.S. Debates, a live series of two-person debates on political and cultural issues.

He lives in Washington, D.C.

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B R E AT H E

Instead of an afternoon cofee, try a walking meditation: Just walk slightly slower than your normal pace but not so slow that anyone would notice. What makes it a meditation is that you’re paying attention to the experience. As you move along, really see what’s in front of you and notice the sensation of your feet against the ground.

Whenever you realize that your mind has strayed, in a friendly but frm way, return it to the experience. Integrating mind and body with a conscious walk lets you cultivate concentration, engage your muscles, bring fresh air into your lungs, and take your brain of your worries. Remember—you don’t have to walk super-slow, like a zombie. But take your time.

You’re not trying to go anywhere but inward.

THIS MONTH’S EXPERT C Y N D I L E E , the founder of the influential Buddhistbased Om Yoga, now owns the Yoga Goodness Studio, in central Virginia. She is training to become a Buddhist chaplain. Find her at cyndilee.com.

OFFSET

Photograph by Johnér

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HOW TO GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR IN-BOX 98 ASK THE ORGANIZER 70

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BE AUT Y YOUR GUIDE TO WEARING SHORTS ALL SUMMER LONG 81

6 FRIZZ FIGHTERS THAT GUARANTEE GOOD HAIR DAYS ................ 6 2

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Glow sticks Applying lip balm has never been this fun. Korean import Chosungah 22 Flavorful Lipstick—in Golden Peach Tea, Guava Tint Jello, and Chai Tea ($18 each, sephora.com)— is a vegetable oil– based, argan oil–infused balm that delivers a postPopsicle sheen.

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Heather Muir Photographs by

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S

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Ralph Smith

PRETTY SMART The latest beauty products and tips that save time, money, and—best of all—your sanity.

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FOCUS THE BIGGER NUBS ON OILY OR HARD-TO-REACH AREAS, THE SMALLER ONES ON SENSITIVE SPOTS, LIKE CHEEKS.

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Perfume ever stained your blouse? Get a whif of this: Unisex Byredo Toile Textile Perfume ($62, byredo.com) is made with a low concentration of oil, so its fresh cotton scent can be misted on skin, clothes, or sheets without leaving a mark.

When you just want to space out, Enlite Super Face Liquid Assets Detoxifying Platinum Peel-Of Mask ($20, cvs.com) removes dead skin cells, delivers antioxidants, and easily peels of in one sheet after 20 minutes.

THE GUIDE beauty

J U ST PL AIN F U N.

Magic eraser

Your softer side

Build a brow

Carry-out coconut oil

Clinique Take the Day Of Eye Makeup Remover Stick ($18.50, clinique.com) fxes midday mascara smudges and removes shadow at night. With your fngertip, massage the soothing balm-to-oil formula over the spot, then tissue of.

If you’re a person who needs to see something to believe it, this spray is for you. Spritz O.R.G. Skincare Mineral Peel Body Exfoliant ($34, rickysnyc.com) onto dry skin and massage it in.

You’ll see and feel dead cells pill up. Rinse of.

Waterproof cream-gel Beneft Ka-Brow ($24, beneftcosmetics.com) comes with a full-size built-in brush to apply color. Dip the bristles into the pot, then draw tiny strokes along your brows to beef up any sparse spots. In six shades.

Snap and squeeze Jax Coco Snaps ($7.50 for 24 sachets, jaxcoco.com) to release a single serving of organic, extravirgin coconut oil. Stash in your bag and dab it on frizzy hair, dry skin, or ragged cuticles. In a pinch, it removes makeup.

FOR BALANCE, FILL IN THE ENDS FIRST. SOFTEN STROKES AS YOU WORK TOWARD THE FRONT.

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THE GUIDE beauty

1 BEST TREATMENT

John Frieda Frizz Ease 10-Day Tamer Saturate dry hair with this gel, then wait 10 minutes before shampooing.

Smoothers form an invisible shield over hair to block out humidity for up to fve washes. “One day of a lengthier routine was worth a week of fussfree hair,” said a tester.

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2 BEST SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER

Ouai Smooth Shampoo and Conditioner Stylists say good hair starts in the shower. The keratin and amino acids in this color-preserving, paraben-free formula strengthen and smooth hair so it’s less likely to fuzz up later.

TO BUY: $26 to $28, theouai.com.

Living Proof No Frizz Nourishing Oil The fatty acids in this formula readily absorb into dry, extra-thick hair without weighing it down. One oil-wary tester was pleasantly surprised at how “silky but not slick” her hair was after application.

TO BUY: $38, livingproof.com.

6 BEST FOR TOUCH-UPS

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Rusk Anti-Frizz Spray Weatherproof your style by misting this spray onto dry hair. It will lock it in place without giving you helmet head. “I could brush my hair, but when I was in and out of the heat all day, I didn’t look like a Chia Pet,” a tester said.

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Carol’s Daughter Hair Milk Cream-toSerum Lotion For bouncy curls without any roughness or crunch, fnger-comb this lotion into wet hair from roots to tips.

Meadowfoam oil and mango butter melt into a waterlike consistency to hydrate thirsty hair.

TO BUY: $10, carolsdaughter.com.

Redken Frizz Dismiss FPF 10 Fly-Away Fix These look like dryer sheets, but they’re for your hair. Infused with a humidity-resistant molecule and Brazilian pracaxi oil (from a tree seed), these pursefriendly cloths tamp down static and fyaways with a few swipes.

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THE GUIDE home

Gardening tools, bikes, the ginormous inflatable unicorn: This guide gives you the nitty-gritty on all of them.

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Experts suggest replacing a grill’s gas line (connected to the propane tank) every two years.

THE GRILL

POOL TOYS

Stuck-on food particles and drippings will affect the flavor of whatever you cook and may attract rodents (ick).

SEASON KICKOFF: Give all your toys a once-over, tossing any with cracks or air leaks. Lay the rest on a deck for a quick cleaning. Using a 16-ounce spray bottle filled with ½ cup white vinegar and ½ cup water, spritz the toys and rinse with a hose. If you see mold, spritz the spots and scrub them off with a nylon-bristle brush.

AFTER EVERY USE: Squeeze water from the squishy toys, then rinse everything with a hose. Let the toys dry fully in the sun. Store in a mesh cart or bag.

SEASON WRAP-UP: Clean with the vinegar-water mixture. When they’re fully dry, release the air from the inflatables and push out any water trapped inside. Store in a mesh cart or bag in a shed or a garage.

C H A RC OA L SEASON KICKOFF:

furniture’s hard surfaces (wood, metal, etc.) with Scotts Outdoor Cleaner Plus OxiClean ($9, homedepot.com) and let sit for 10 minutes. Scrub with a nylonbristle brush to remove grime, then rinse with a hose and dry fully in the sun. If your furniture is made of vinyl, plastic, or fberglass, apply a dust-repelling sealant (like 303 Aerospace Protectant; $24, amazon.com). For teak and other blondwood pieces, apply Golden Care Teak Protector ($35, crateandbarrel.com) to repel water and preserve the fnish.

PAT I O FURNITURE

WHEN UPHOLSTERY GETS STAINED:

Solid pieces can erode from exposure to the elements. Moisturetrapping cushions can form mold.

THE CLEANING PROS BRUCE BJORKMAN,

director of sales and marketing at MAK Grills.

CARRIE DEGUZMAN,

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Spot-clean using the dish-soap–water formula. Blot with a damp cloth and repeat as needed.

SEASON WRAP-UP: Spray the furniture’s hard surfaces (wood, metal, etc.) with Scotts Outdoor Cleaner, let dry for an hour, then drape with a cover. (Find a variety of sizes and shapes at wayfair.com/ rscovers.) Store dry cushions in a large cinched trash bag in a garage or a shed.

Store furniture here, too, if there’s room.

SEASON KICKOFF:

Remove the cushions and clean them with a cloth dipped in a solution of 1 quart warm water plus a drop of dish soap, scrubbing on all sides.

Rinse with a hose and dry fully in the sun. Next, evenly coat with a waterproofng protectant (like 303 Fabric Guard; $20, amazon.com). Spray the

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Spritz the grill (including the grate) from top to bottom with Mean Green Cleaner & Degreaser ($2.50, lowes.com) and scrub with a stiff brush. Rinse with a hose and let dry.

AFTER EVERY USE:

While the grate is still warm, scrub it with a metal grill brush to dislodge food particles.

When the grate is cool, remove it and use a hand trowel to scoop ash into a nonflammable container; when the ash cools, throw it out. Wipe the grill’s interior and exterior with a damp cloth.

Replace the grate.

SEASON WRAP-UP:

Remove the (cool) grate and submerge it in a tub of hot water plus 5 drops of dish soap. Let soak for 30 minutes, then scrub as described above, using a stiff-bristle brush or No. 3 steel wool. As the grate is soaking, rinse the grill’s exterior and

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Inflatables and other water gear can become moldy or degrade if moisture and chlorine linger.

I S A P R E SS U R E WA S H E R AN OPTION?

BICYCLES They get roughed up in the great outdoors. Road dust, brake-pad particles, and dirt build up on the body.

SEASON KICKOFF: When you check

GA S SEASON KICKOFF:

Wipe the interior and exterior of the grill with a damp cloth.

AFTER EVERY USE:

While the grate is still warm, scrub it as described for charcoal grills. When the grill is cool, wipe the exterior with a damp cloth.

SEASON WRAP-UP:

Remove the (cool) grate and soak as described for charcoal grills. Meanwhile, tackle smoke and grease buildup on the hood, dials, and other metal surfaces: Put on rubber gloves and apply Greased Lightening ($3.50, home depot.com), using a scrub sponge. Use No. 3 steel wool or a stiff-bristle brush to scrub the soaked grill grate, then rinse, dry, and replace. Drape the grill with a vented all-weather cover.

Got a dirty chain? Attach the Cyclone Chain Scrubber ($24, jet.com) and pedal for three pumps or until the goo is gone.

the tire pressure and reinflate as needed, also wipe down the seat, the handles, the spokes, and the frame with a damp cloth.

EVERY MONTH OR SO (and after a muddy ride): Clean the chain with a cotton cloth dipped repeatedly in a small bucket containing 2 cups Simple Green All-Purpose Cleaner and 2 cups warm water. Rinse the entire bicycle with a hose, paying special attention to the tire treads, to remove mud, dirt, and sand. Let dry completely in the sun for at least 30 minutes.

SEASON WRAP-UP: Clean as described above. Store in the garage or protect it outdoors with an allweather cover ($30, yardstash.com).

GA R D E N I N G TO O L S Spades, trowels, and hoes end up marred by dirt, rust, or sap.

SEASON KICKOFF:

Spray each tool with a lubricating oil (such as WD-40). Dip each tool in and out of a bucket full of sand until the grime is gone. Brush of the sand and let air-dry.

Some people use this tool’s powerful blast of water to save time cleaning outdoor furniture.

But even on a low setting, this is risky. Powerwashing can cause paint to peel and wood to splinter, so generally it’s best reserved for the sturdiest exterior surfaces, such as concrete, brick, and stucco siding.

AFTER EVERY USE:

Rinse of the tools with a hose. Dry fully with a cloth, then store them in a bucket of sand, handles facing up. The sand will absorb moisture and work away the remaining gunk as the tools are pushed through.

BEACH TOWELS Mildew, musty odors, and fading take their toll over time.

SEASON WRAP-UP:

SEASON KICKOFF:

Rinse the tools and store in the sand bucket.

Revive towels by washing in a hot cycle with ¼ cup white vinegar.

Run a second cycle, adding detergent and ½ cup baking soda. Dry without dryer sheets, which can decrease the absorbency of terrycloth fibers.

AFTER EVERY USE:

Launder on a gentle cycle. Skip the fabric softener, which can also decrease absorbency. Dry on low to medium heat (no dryer sheets).

SEASON WRAP-UP:

Launder as described in After Every Use, then fold and store.

ON A ROLL?

Find fixes for seasonal stains (grass, ice cream, and more) at realsimple. com/summercleaning.

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interior with a hose.

Let dry for at least 30 minutes, then wipe with a cloth. Replace the grate and drape the grill with a vented all-weather cover.

Paper trail

My husband works from home, and his files end up in the car, in our bedroom, everywhere. Help!

Primed to purge After 10 years, I’ve finally decided to clear out our attic.

What’s the best way?

Bring up the issue when you’re in a good mood (not angrily tripping over a file), and describe how the mess affects you both. Maybe you’re aggravated by having to clear piles to set the dinner table and he’s at risk of losing documents. If you can agree to tackle it together, straightening up will go more smoothly. This problem often stems from file-cabinet neglect.

If his is overstuffed (less than two inches of breathing room per drawer), wedging in files can become so difficult that it may deter him from putting them away. Help him toss old projects or move them to archival boxes in the attic or some other outof-the-way spot to free up space.

Folders that he uses day-to-day will stay neater in a rolling organizer (Becker 3+1 Drawer Metal Cart, $199, homedecorators.com). To get him in the habit of filing daily (say, right before dinner), have him set a phone alarm to prompt the pack-ups.

J. W., via Facebook

To start, firm up exactly why you’re doing this.

Need space for an art studio? Spent too much time looking for skis last winter? A clear goal is motivating. Decide where you’ll bring donations, then go on a scouting mission and label items to give away, toss, save in the

Kitchen-cabinet chaos I need tips for neatening up my cookie sheets, muffin tins, and cooling racks. They’re stacked above my oven, but it’s cumbersome to pull them out.

B. M. M., via Facebook

GOT A QUESTION?

Submit it at realsimple.com/ organizing.

NE W YORK CIT Y–BA SED

If you have to inch out items gingerly to avoid an avalanche, it’s tough to keep cabinets neat. A smarter solution is to turn all the sheets, racks, and tins 90 degrees and store them vertically, like books. You’ll be able to pull one out easily without shifting the others. Reconfigure the shelves if you need more room. And keep in mind: Like books need bookends, you’ll need to hold these items in place with dividers (4-Sort dividers, from $4 each, containerstore.com).

O RGAN I Z E R LISA Z A SLOW

Illustration by

S O LV E S YO UR TRICKIE ST

The Ellaphant in the Room

DECLUT TERING DILEMMA S.

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P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

THE GUIDE home

J. W., via Facebook

attic, or move to a new spot. Next step: Plan another block of time for the clear-out and enlist a friend to help with the heavy lifting.

After you’ve brought down everything that isn’t staying in the attic, get rid of the donations and “toss” items, then move the rest to new homes.

To finish up, make the attic items easier to find by storing them in zones (holiday, extra hardware, luggage, etc.).

© AS America, inc. 2016.

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The vets will see you now LE T THE FUR FLY! ANSWER S TO YOUR HAIRIE ST PE T QUE STIONS.

Q.

Q.

Wing man Which type of bird would make the best pet for our kids, ages 7 and 9?

Kitty jitters We have older cats and are moving in a few months. How can we make the transition easier for them?

G. B., via Facebook

A. Cats are creatures of habit(at), so it helps to bring some of your old furniture and their favorite toys and climbing trees to make the new place feel familiar. While the movers are working, shield the cats from the chaos by setting them up in a room with food, their toys, and the litter box; keep the door closed until the movers go, then let the cats come out when they’re ready, says veterinarian Jim Lowe. “At frst they may show signs of anxiety, like hiding or decreased activity,” says veterinarian and animal behaviorist Lisa Radosta. But if you keep them on their eating schedule and mimic your old house’s environment when possible (closing windows if the new neighborhood is louder, say), within about a month, they should feel right at home.

Q. For sheets’ sake My one-year-old Doxiebeagle chews up our bedspread. How do I get him to stop?

T. J., via Facebook

A. Dogs at this age are in an exploratory phase.

They might have urges to gnaw, but they have no sense of what they are allowed to chew, says behavior consultant Michael Shikashio.

Coaching can help: Close the bedroom door to block access, then ofer

a variety of chew toys, rotating in diferent ones each day, says Radosta.

“You’re teaching him ‘Don’t chew that—chew this,’ ” she says. If your pooch manages to get into the room and goes for the bed, distract him by calling his name, then give him one of the toys.

Within a few months, he should be clear on what is of-limits. If the chewing continues, it may be a sign of anxiety, requiring a vet visit and perhaps a prescription for calming medication and relaxation exercises.

A. There’s a pecking order when it comes to kid-friendly birds. “Families do best with small parrot varieties. Budgerigars are popular, but your best bet is a cockatiel or a maroon-bellied or green-cheeked conure, because they’re quieter and more afectionate,” says veterinarian Tim England, who has treated hundreds of birds. “They’ll nuzzle a kid’s ear or perch on his fngers. And they can learn tricks, like saying ‘Hello’ or spreading their wings on command.” (Steer clear of larger parrots, which can injure small hands, says England, and avoid canaries and fnches, which typically aren’t playful.) Cockatiels and conures also have an easy-care regimen that most grade-schoolers can handle: a weekly cage cleaning, daily feedings (food pellets, fresh vegetables, water), plus plenty of petting.

LISA RADOSTA, D.V.M.,

Florida Veterinary Behavior Service, West Palm Beach, Florida.

THE PET EXPERTS TIM ENGLAND, D.V.M.,

Animal Medical Center of Chicago.

JIM LOWE, D.V.M.,

Tomlyn Veterinary Science, Forth Worth.

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MICHAEL SHIKASHIO,

certified dog behavior consultant, Complete Canines, Mystic, Connecticut.

Written by

Sarah Grossbart Photograph by

GS

GALLERY STOCK

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K. J., via Facebook

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GOSSIP: A FIELD GUIDE

THE GUIDE family

It flies around your office, your neighborhood, and definitely your kids’ school.

But do you know how to spot the bad versus the good? (Yes, good gossip is a thing.)

Here’s the dirt.

Written by

Jennifer King Lindley Illustrations by

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of the forthcoming How Emotions Are Made. A study by Barrett found that our eyes are drawn to the faces of people we’ve heard negative gossip about (“He threw a chair at Beth”). It’s a heads-up: “We are wired to pay attention to what may be potentially threatening,” says Barrett. And the possibility of it can hold us accountable: A study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology had subjects play a game in which they traded valuable raffle tickets with others.

Knowing that they could be gossiped about if they did not play fairly caused the participants to cheat less and behave more generously.

Psst!

THE GUIDE family

You have to hear this…

Everyone gossips, even if it’s like eating cake for breakfast— temporarily thrilling, totally delicious, leaves you feeling kind of icky. (Think about how many times you start a conversation with “I don’t want to gossip, but…” or “I love Ann! But can you believe she…”)

The reason is that gossip, by definition, involves talking about someone who is not present, often with a moral judgment. It can be harmless chatter around the watercooler, but it can also, at its worst, hurt feelings and damage reputations.

Here’s how you— and your kids—can stay attached to the grapevine without turning sour.

WHY WE D O IT “Gossiping together strengthens bonds,” says Frank McAndrew, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Knox

College, in Galesburg, Illinois. “It’s a sign of trust: I’m taking a risk you will not use this information in a way that will come back to haunt either of us.”

More-frequent gossipers rated themselves higher in feelings of social support, says Jennifer Cole, Ph.D., a researcher at Manchester Metropolitan University, in England, who has studied gossip extensively.

We start all this talk young: As early as first grade, kids share scuttlebutt to learn how to get along in the group. (Katie is a big crybaby. Translation: Better not cry at school.) It also serves as a crucial means of back-channel intelligence. “We use it to learn who is friend and who is foe without having to experience it firsthand,” says Lisa Feldman Barrett, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, in Boston, and the author

S O W H AT’ S T H E H A R M ?

Well, there’s that tricky issue of talking about someone behind her back. “Speaking about someone who isn’t there to defend herself is breaking accepted norms,” says Cole. When it is especially malicious, gossip humiliates and demeans the subject. “Emotional pain and physical pain are processed in the same part of the brain,” says Erika Holiday, Psy.D., a psychologist in Los Angeles and a coauthor of Mean Girls, Meaner Women. “Gossip can hurt as much as being punched in the gut.” Being the gossiper has its downsides, too. People who are perceived by others to be frequent gossips are less popular, says Cole. And many of us crave or spread gossip out of insecurity: By chewing over others’ shortcomings, you feel you have it together in comparison.

The more kids get involved in gossip—initiating or listening—the more they are targeted for it.

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THE GOLDILO C K S RU L E “There’s no way to be a functioning member of society if you never say a word about anyone who’s not present,” says Maggie Oldham, a modernetiquette coach based in Los Angeles and New York. The key, says Cole, is to aim for a “Goldilocks amount”—just enough to signal that you’re not completely aloof without gorging on the thrill of it. ( Joe got a bonus! Lucky dog! has a whiff of insider information but stays positive.) And assess your intentions. Are you talking out of genuine concern? I heard Susan’s cancer is back. I thought you might want to take her to dinner this week. Or is it titillation disguised as concern? Martha closed down the bar last night. Doesn’t she ever see her kids?

Says McAndrew: “Gossip is a social skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.”

5 FAMILIAR TYPES

2

From blabbing kids to vicious moms, the lowdown on gossip at every age.

AMONG MIDDLE-SCHO OL MEAN GIRL S

“OMG, she kissed Jack just to get attention.”

THE BACKSTORY: Malicious gossip

1

runs rampant in middle school.

“Kids are starting to figure out where they fit in the social pecking order outside the family, and it can be confusing and scary,” says KennedyMoore. Gossip is a way to build and strengthen cliques by ganging up on outsiders. Also, having the best dirt raises your status. (And, yes, boys gossip, too, but girls rely more on words as a means of aggression; boys tend to be physical.) “Gathering and

A RO U N D T H E P L AYG RO U N D

“I heard Eva has lice. Ewww!”

THE BACKSTORY: “Gos-

sip is actually a big developmental leap for elementary-aged kids,” says Eileen KennedyMoore, Ph.D., a child psychologist and the creator of the Raising Emotionally and

Socially Healthy Kids video series. “Before that, if you have a problem with another kid, you hit, grab, or yell at him—or tattle.”

Talking about others’ doings helps kids figure out how relationships work: who’s a meanie and what behaviors peers think are cool (or not).

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HOW TO DEAL: Accept that some gossip is going to happen; it’s how kids learn about their social world. An often cited 2007 study videotaped 60 pairs of fourth-grade girls as they chatted for 15 minutes. On average, the girls engaged in a whopping 36 incidents of talking about other people in that short window, but most of it was neutral or positive.

(Joe’s cute. I like him!) Only a few of the exchanges were potentially hurtful, notes researcher Kristina McDonald, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Alabama, in Tuscaloosa. If you hear your child engaging in the crueler stuff, stress that words can hurt and urge her not to repeat and spread mean comments. Practice a few ready retorts. For example, in the face of bad-mouthing another classmate: “Well, she seems to like you.”

controlling the flow of information is how popular girls stay on top,” says Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., a professor of humanities at the Penn State College of Medicine, in Hershey, Pennsylvania. False rumors can be a source of social control: Saying that someone tried to steal your boyfriend can cause the subject to be shut out. It’s all very Lord of the Flies.

HOW TO DEAL: Now is not the time to blow off an upset child with a chill “It’s just words.” Acknowledge how painful it is, says McDonald. Listen to your child talk. After she has time to process her emotions, you can add some of your perspective, give hugs, and urge your child not to respond with a blistering counteroffensive. That will probably launch an even uglier rumor war. “Research shows that the more kids get involved in gossiping—initiating or listening—the more they are targeted for gossip,” says Karin Frey, Ph.D., a professor of educational psychology at the University of Washington, in Seattle.

Discuss the difference between being popular and being liked. (At this age, the two do not go hand in hand.)

Encourage her to focus on her real friends,

4 IN THE OFFICE E L E VATO R

THE GUIDE family

Dellasega, who is also the author of Mean Girls Grown Up. (The PTA counts—big time.) “A woman who used this strategy to gain power in girlhood is likely to keep it up in adulthood. It just gets more polished,” she says. One tactic: faux concern. I’m worried about Jane— she has gained so much weight!

However intimidating, this type of gossip often comes from a place of insecurity, says Holiday: “You’re less likely to put other women down when you feel good about yourself.”

HOW TO DEAL: With this insecurity in mind, try boosting the gossip’s self-confidence with a charm offensive. Thank you for all you do for our school. Let me bring the doughnuts to the book fair. Be pleasant; don’t engage. If the conversation drifts to speculating about a mutual friend’s flirtation with the UPS man, quickly change the subject.

“People love to talk about themselves even more than they love talking about other people,” notes Oldham. “Say, ‘Hey, how’s the planning for your beach trip going?’”

If a friend is the target, by all means speak up—immediately, before the talk picks up steam. (Something as simple as “Oh, that sounds like a rumor. I doubt it’s the whole story” will work.) It’s much easier to disagree with one person than to go up against a whole group, says Frey.

not where she is on the totem pole at the moment, tough as that may be. When it’s a friend being gossiped about, some kids have the social skills to constructively leap to that friend’s defense, says Frey. Such bravery should be encouraged.

But for less confident souls, staying silent or walking away are options, too. “That doesn’t feed the fire,” says Frey. If your own daughter is the popular gossip, try to build up her empathy mus-

cle by asking her to consider how the other girl might feel.

Good news: The worst of it tends to abate in high school as kids grow more mature and empathy increases.

3 BET WEEN MOMS

“She works late all the time with her new job.

No wonder her kid acts out.”

THE BACKSTORY: You

find grown-up gossips any place there’s power to be had, says

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“I heard that the head of John’s group hated his presentation.”

THE BACKSTORY: Just

like back on the playground, gossip can clue you in to how to fit into a group culture: It’s OK to leave early on Fridays; don’t mess with the guy in accounting; always be 10 minutes early for the Tuesday meeting.

HOW TO DEAL: If you refuse to gossip at all, you’re saying, “I don’t care about being part of the group.” You can set yourself up as an outsider. Cole suggests befriending a good gossip in the first few weeks at a new job so you get the lowdown and she reports back to the crew with a good word about you. But be discreet, says Cole: “Successful gossiping is about sharing key information but also knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

You don’t want to come across as selfserving”—strategically bad-mouthing a colleague up for the same promotion, say.

McAndrew suggests you suss out which employees seem both well-respected and well-informed and

try to follow suit. If the ofce busybody is always leaning into your cubicle, cut him of with “I’d love to chat, but I have this crazy deadline!”

5 AT A D I N N E R PA RT Y

“Are you seeing the body language between the Smiths? Yeesh.”

THE BACKSTORY: “Couples

evaluate their own relationship by comparing themselves to other couples,” says Geoffrey Greif, Ph.D., a professor of social work at the University of Maryland, in Baltimore, and the author of Two Plus Two. (I’m glad we don’t interrupt each other like Betsy and Ben do!) Observing positive ways that other couples interact can help strengthen your own relationship, but beware: It can also highlight insecurities. (It was so sweet how Dan kept complimenting Ali all night. Translation: Why don’t you compliment me in front of others?)

HOW TO DEAL: Use gossip about other couples as a jumping-off point to working on your own marriage, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great: “For example, ‘Can you believe he had an affair?

What would you do if you ever felt dissatisfied and the opportunity arose?’” Best-case scenario: The conversation leads you to be more secure in your relationship—and less likely to gossip in the first place.

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Shoes, $108, bodenusa.com.

S O F T S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

THE GUIDE fashion

HOW TO WEAR SHORTS Warm weather makes them a summertime essential.

Today’s stylish fabrics and flattering cuts make them a wardrobe chameleon.

Use this guide to help you find your next go-to pair.

Written by

Brandi Broxson Photographs by

Philip Friedman

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H O W TO W E A R FIT TIP

Shorts with a wide waistband can help a tummy look flatter.

1

2

3

STYLE UPGRADE

THE GUIDE fashion

Sneakers have become stylish in their own right. Don’t hesitate to slip on a cool pair with a dressier look.

NICE EXTRA

Breathe easy: The waistband has an elastic panel in the back.

S HORT E R S H O RT S 3- TO 4-I N C H I N S E A M S This not-too-daring length is great for elongating petite frames or showing off nice legs. (Flats will keep you from looking racy.) “Those with full thighs might have trouble with this cut, as it hits at the widest part of the leg,” says Susan Moses, the author of The Art of Dressing Curves.

HOW TO WEAR THEM 1 FOR AN OUTDOOR PARTY With a fun, multicolored print accented with mirrored paillettes, this pair is inherently festive. All you’ll need to do is throw on a bright top, big hoops, and metallic thongs for an elevated version of casual.

2 SPORTY Like a modern take on the tennis skirt, this A-line silhouette plays up slim hips. Since these shorts have a lot going on (inverted pleats, textured fabric, oversize pockets), keep the rest of the look minimal with a simple white tank.

3 FEMININE Jean shorts are pretty enough for date night when they’re made of lightweight chambray and include a tie belt. Pair them with foral fats, dangly earrings, and a suede bag, and loosely tuck in a peasant blouse to cleverly conceal love handles.

T O B U Y, N O. 1 : S H O R T S , $ 1 4 8 , T O L A N I C O L L E C T I O N .C O M . T O P, $ 9 8 , C O O P E R A N D E L L A .C O M . E A R R I N G S , $ 6 5 , S O R R E L L I .C O M . M O S S I M O S A N D A L S , $ 2 0, TA R G E T.C O M .

N O. 2 : S H O R T S , $ 2 9 5 , H A N L E Y N Y C .U S . T O P, $ 24 , J J I L L .C O M . C U F F, $ 6 9 , M I R A N D A F R Y E .C O M . L A C O S T E S N E A K E R S , $ 1 0 0, S H O E B U Y.C O M . N O. 3 : S H O R T S , $ 9 8 , S P L E N D I D.C O M .

T O P, $ 3 5 0, R E B E C C ATAY LO R .C O M . E A R R I N G S , $ 4 8 , B A N A N A R E P U B L I C .C O M . E L I Z A B E T H A N D J A M E S B A G , $ 3 9 5 , N E T-A- P O R T E R .C O M . S H O E S , $ 1 6 8 , J C R E W.C O M .

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YOU CAN WEAR BOOTIES WITH SHORTS

Find out what other summer fashion rules you can break at realsimple.com/summerfashion.

2

3

THE GUIDE fashion

1

STYLE UPGRADE

There’s no need for fussy tucking with this relaxed knit top.

FIT TIP

Want to minimize your lower body? Stick with a darker hue, like deep navy, says Susan Moses.

M I DT H I G H - L E N GT H S H O RT S 5-INCH INSE AMS That extra inch or two of coverage makes this variety universally flattering.

“Roomier cuts through the thighs help balance proportions to create the illusion of narrower legs,” says Los Angeles–based stylist Lindsay Albanese.

NICE EXTRA

The lining of this high-waisted pair makes VPL history.

HOW TO WEAR THEM 1 FOR A CREATIVE OFFICE Shorts can be passable on casual Friday in a laid-back workplace if they have a blousy ft and are made of a refned, dark fabric. Wear them with more covered-up pieces, like closed-toe shoes and a sleeved top.

2 BEACHY For a lateafternoon seaside mosey, slip into these easy but cute scalloped chambray shorts and a white sleeveless sweater. A tassel necklace, a rattan tote, and fowery straw sandals complete the breezy but put-together vibe.

3 LADYLIKE This fowy and forgiving silhouette in a watercolor print feels dressy enough for a baby or bridal shower when worn with a tucked-in pastel pink blouse and a jeweled cuf. To lengthen legs, pair the outft with strappy nude sandals.

T O B U Y, N O. 1 : S H O R T S , $ 6 8 , B A N A N A R E P U B L I C .C O M . T O P, $ 24 7, O R L A K I E LY.C O M . E A R R I N G S , $ 2 2 , S T E V E M A D D E N .C O M . F L AT S , $ 7 9 , F R A N C O S A R T O.C O M . N O. 2 : S H O R T S , $ 1 4 5 , J M C L A U G H L I N .C O M . T O P, $ 6 0, A N N TAY LO R .C O M . N E C K L A C E , $ 7 5 , B L U M A P R O J E C T.C O M . B A G , $ 1 7 9 , C L A R E V.C O M . S A N D A L S , $ 3 2 5 , U S . L K B E N N E T T.C O M . N O. 3 : S H O R T S , $ 1 8 0, R E I S S .C O M . T O P, $ 6 9 , V I N C E C A M U T O.C O M . C U F F, $ 2 8 , J E S S I C A S I M P S O N .C O M . H E E L S , $ 1 6 8 , B O D E N U S A .C O M .

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H O W TO W E A R STYLE UPGRADE

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3

THE GUIDE fashion

1

The newest way to sport a scarf: Fold a silky one diagonally; tie behind the neck.

FIT TIP

Yes, even in white, these loose shorts will downplay full thighs.

NICE FEATURE

Soft, superstretchy denim means no digging in at the waist, hips, or thighs.

LO N G S H O RT S

HOW TO WEAR THEM

7 I N C H E S O R LO N G E R

1 SOPHISTICATED

Bermudas and culottes are big trends and wearable for most—with the right shoes.

“To keep legs from looking stumpy, opt for height with wedges or chunky sandals,” says Bridgette Raes, the author of Style Rx. Petites may want to skip these cuts, as they can have a shortening effect.

Below the knee and dramatically loose, this linenblend style provides a foundation for a cool summer suit when paired with a jacket and a blouse in the same shade. Embellished neutral-tone accents hit the right note.

2 ARTSY Standard navy Bermudas feel rich next to an asymmetrical top accessorized with a punchy scarf and blue suede heels. Add some gold bangles and a leather cross-body bag for an easy, eclectic look ft for grabbing drinks with friends.

3 CASUAL For those low-key days, you can’t beat the ease of classic cufed denim. Top with a collarbone-exposing blouse; it broadens the shoulders, which helps balance wide hips, says Susan Moses. Calves will look shapely boosted by comfortable wedges.

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S C A R F, $ 9 5 , J M C L A U G H L I N .C O M . B A N G L E S , S Q U A R E 5 - P I E C E S E T, $ 5 5 , A N D R O U N D 3 - P I E C E S E T, $ 3 5 : AV M A X N Y C .C O M . B A G , $ 1 7 0 , C A M B R I D G E S A T C H E L .C O M . H E E L S , $ 9 0 , S T E V E M A D D E N .C O M . N O. 3 : S H O R T S , $ 6 0, B O N T O N .C O M . T O R Y B U R C H T O P, $ 3 5 0, N E T-A- P O R T E R .C O M . E A R R I N G S , $ 4 0, R O S E N A S A M M I .C O M . S H O E S , $ 7 5 , S O L E S O C I E T Y.C O M .

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Why just decorate when you can illuminate?

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Jacob Sanchez Diagnosed with autism

Lack of speech is a sign of autism. Learn the others at autismspeaks.org/signs.

Tell me about it Stressed, stuck, or otherwise unfulfilled?

The right kind of therapy can put you on the fast track to a happier life.

Written by

Eilene Zimmerman Photographs by

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY A R I A N A S A LVAT O

THE GUIDE health

Barbara Donninelli

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THE GUIDE health

M AY B E YO U ’ R E M I S E R A B L E in your marriage and the D-word has been on the tip of your tongue for months. Maybe you loathe the career that you’ve spent the past two decades cultivating. Or maybe the excitement you anticipated after moving to a new city turned out to feel a lot more like disappointment.

You could turn to a friend for advice. But you may want to keep your secret thoughts, well, secret.

You could try talking to your doctor, but you might not feel comfortable unloading your emotions during a 20-minute ofce visit.

Or you could try therapy. Just 3 percent of Americans seek the help of a therapist, according to a 2010 study published in American Journal of Psychiatry. But far more could benefit from it, say the experts.

“Many people equate therapy with serious issues, like clinical depression. But it’s good for so much more,” says Julie Nelligan, Ph.D., a psychologist in Portland, Oregon, and a former president of the Oregon Psychological Association. Talkbased treatment can enable you to work through specific issues, like marital woes or low self-confidence; navigate life transitions (a new baby, an empty nest); and cope with a health condition that’s afecting you or a loved one. In fact, therapy can help you thrive in the face of just about any issue that’s troubling you.

Do you need therapy?

With life’s constant and inevitable ups and downs, it’s easy to get into the habit of saying “It will pass” to problems that you could deal with more efciently with a professional’s help. Real Simple asked Lynn Bufka, Ph.D., the associate executive director for practice research and policy at the American Psychological Association, to describe the types of concerns that therapy can best address.

Y E S, YO U ’ R E C OV E R E D Affordability is the number one reason those considering psychotherapy don’t follow through with it, according to a 2014 survey from the American Psychological Association. In truth, therapy has never been more affordable or accessible. Thanks to the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008, healthinsurance companies are required to provide coverage for mental-health treatment—just as they do for physical health. If money is tight and your deductible is high or you have trouble finding an in-network provider, many therapists work on a sliding scale.

I OFTEN FEEL OVERWHELMED OR UPSET. You cry several days a month, can’t look at your to-do list without panicking, or lie in bed at night worrying about life’s what-ifs. (Car crashes! Identity theft!)

I’M NOT ENJOYING LIFE THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO OR USED TO. You don’t travel because you’re

afraid to fly, skip work because you can’t get out of bed, or fight with loved ones during what should be happy times. Maybe you feel you have nothing to look forward to and everything is blah.

I CAN’T SEEM TO CHANGE. Willpower and selfhelp tools haven’t made a dent in your eforts to ditch a bad habit or try something new.

SOMETIMES I FEEL AS IF I CAN’T BREATHE. That sensation, along with a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a feeling that time has stopped, can be signs of a panic attack and/or serious anxiety.

Find the best fix No matter what type of treatment you seek, certain therapy practices are standard. In many modalities of psychotherapy, you can expect to sit across from a therapist, who will ask direct questions to get to the root of what’s bothering you. Rather than having you attempt to figure out

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solutions on your own while you share your problems (though that does occasionally happen), your therapist may make specific suggestions on how you can think and behave in ways that make you feel happier and more in control.

“There’s a real emphasis on collaboration between the patient and the therapist,” says Stanley Berman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and the vice president for academic afairs at William James College, in Newton, Massachusetts.

That said, the specific therapist you choose can make a diference in your experience. “A good fit between therapist and patient is a strong predictor of success,” says Andrew Gerber, a psychiatrist, a psychoanalyst, and the medical director and CEO of the Austen Riggs Center, in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, who studies treatment efcacy. You should feel comfortable

with your therapist, but you don’t need to be his best friend, says Gerber. As a rule of thumb, always ask a potential therapist if he has experience treating your specific problem before you book your first session. Nothing beats a personal referral, but because many people don’t talk about being in therapy, referrals can be hard to get from friends and colleagues. Ask your doctor for a recommendation, or contact your health-insurance company for a list of mental-health providers in your network. And be ready to make a few calls before finding a match.

To further increase your odds of getting good therapy, start with a method that’s proven to treat the issue that you’re contending with.

TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OR TO BREAK A HABIT, CONSIDER COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT). CBT centers on changing attitudes and behavior by focusing on false thoughts and the beliefs behind them. Research shows that it’s efective for most mental-health concerns, including depression and anxiety.

SEEK THE HELP OF: A psychologist (Ph.D. or Psy.D.), a licensed clinical social worker (M.S.W.), or a licensed professional counselor (M.A., M.S., or Ph.D.) trained in CBT. FOR PERSISTENT ANXIETY, CONSIDER ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT). ACT

is a form of CBT that teaches you how to live with anxiety without letting it limit or control you.

“Instead of trying to change the content of your thoughts, you accept that they exist, but you don’t let them define you or your behavior,” says Joanna Arch, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Colorado, in Boulder. Arch’s research has shown that

ACT is as efective as (and, in one study, more efective than) traditional CBT in treating anxiety.

SEEK THE HELP OF: A psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a licensed professional counselor trained in ACT. IF YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER, CONSIDER PSYCHOANALYSIS.

People who have been in therapy for at least a year and who want to better understand the forces behind their behavior might want to try psychoanalysis. It’s best for phobias, obsessions, compulsions, or continual negative thoughts, as well as troubled relationships with people (rather than day-to-day problems or very specific goals). Whereas most other forms of therapy involve meeting once a week or every two

IT’S LIKE YOUR TONGUE CRASHED INTO A CHOCOLATY,

PEANUTY, CARAMEL

ICEBERG.

ICE CREAM SATISFACTION

weeks, psychoanalysis often requires three to five weekly visits.

SEEK THE HELP OF: A psychoanalyst— who could be a psychiatrist (M.D.), a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a licensed professional counselor with training in psychoanalytic theory and technique.

FOR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS THAT KEEP REPEATING, CONSIDER PSYCHODYNAMIC THERAPY. Your ther-

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, CONSIDER DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (DBT). DBT combines individual therapy with a weekly group session focused on mindfulness, emotion regulation, and other skills. For example, if a family rift is triggering you to binge-drink, your therapist may use CBT and recommend group therapy as well.

SEEK THE HELP OF: A psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and/or a licensed professional counselor. (You may work with more than one professional.)

FOR A SERIOUS DISORDER, SUCH AS CLINICAL

gles you’re having,” says Berman.

“Meanwhile, medication helps you feel better, which gives you the motivation and energy to be active in your therapy.”

SEEK THE HELP OF: Ideally, a psychiatrist (a medical doctor with mental-health training). However, your primary-care doctor can also prescribe psychotropic medications.

And, for psychotherapy, a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a licensed professional counselor.

DEPRESSION OR BIPOLAR DISORDER, CONSIDER THERAPY IN ADDITION TO MEDICATION. A

wealth of research shows that combining CBT with psychotropic medication prescribed by a medical doctor, such as an antidepressant, is often highly efective for significant mental-health problems. “Psychotherapy gives you tools to deal with issues and to understand how your relationships, history, and environment inform the strug-

THE GUIDE health

apist will work with you to examine how past events and relationships have contributed to your current difficulties and help you understand how subconscious factors afect the way you interact with others.

SEEK THE HELP OF: A psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a licensed professional counselor with experience in psychodynamic therapy.

FOR SEVERE PROBLEMS, LIKE ADDICTION OR

For people with mild to moderate depression or anxiety, “therapy really shines, because it teaches you to deal with stressors and triggers,” says psychologist Julie Nelligan.

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When are you “cured”?

In most cases, you could begin to see a change in the way you feel and act after one to four therapy sessions. Depending on the treatment approach and the issues you’re addressing, treatment can last from a single session to a year or longer.

“I’ve had patients come in for a few sessions to work on a specific issue, and I don’t see them again until they feel the need to come in for something else, if at all,” says Nelligan.

To make sure you and your therapist are on the same page, set goals with her during your first session— and ask for regular assessments of your progress, including an estimate of how long she thinks it will take for you to be functioning the way you want. Ultimately, you’re the judge of whether therapy is working.

“The goal is for you to see changes in yourself, and that those changes are improving the way you feel and live,” says Berman.

If you aren’t seeing the improvements that you hoped for, don’t assume that it’s you. “It might be the therapy approach or the therapist,” says David Tolin, Ph.D., an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine. Try a new therapist or even a new form of treatment, says Tolin. Otherwise you can wind up spending years in unproductive therapy, and that can be its own source of unhappiness.

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Work & Money T H E V I E W F RO M H E R E

P H O T O G R A P H BY C H R I S T I N E B A I L E Y S P E E D

Did you always want to work in design?

When I was little, I wanted to live in a ski town and be an orthopedic surgeon, fixing broken legs. Then, when I was in middle school, my parents built a house. I would sit with the architect.

That opened my eyes up to design thinking. I hung pictures of furniture cut out from magazines in my locker.

Kim Kovel had her dream job as director of color design for Nike (managing a team of 80 and coming up with looks for footwear) when she was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer, in 2015. After months of intensive treatment, Kovel, 49, returned to Nike in a new role—and touched a lot of lives with a darkly funny coloring book for cancer patients from someone who really gets it.

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What was your childhood like?

I grew up right outside New York City. I have a brother and a sister.

My mom was a teacher, and my dad had a textile business. One of their big clients was Wrangler, and we’d get to go to the art department and work on plaids and things when we were little.

Written by

Jane Porter

REALSIMPLE.COM

You have a master’s in architecture, but you left that career.

After graduating, I went to work for two architects in Colorado.

I was not inspired. I became friends with the owners of a restaurant while working on a project there.

One day they asked me, “How are you doing?” and I said, “Terrible. I don’t want to be doing what I’m doing.” They said, “Come work for us.”

That was 1989. I waitressed for two years and got immersed in snowboarding.

Then you started your own snowboarding clothing company, which eventually hit $2 million in sales.

I had no idea what I was doing. I ran the business through the back-end and shipping department of my dad’s textile business.

I remember saying to my father, “How hard could it be?” First of all: super hard. I did that for about five years.

At the time, I had a bunch of friends in the industry, and one of them hired me to work on Italian Olympic

THE GUIDE work & money

KIM KOVEL • Senior material and color innovator, Nike • Portland, Oregon

Being diagnosed with an aggressive cancer changed your path.

Four days after I was diagnosed, I was in treatment. I took six months off. I was in the hospital for five days at a time with continuous chemo and radiation. It was surreal.

Your son was 14.

I realized my attitude was going to affect everybody, including myself, so I approached things with a twisted sense of humor. We had parties in the room; we smuggled stuff in; I did hall walks, five miles a day, with my headphones on and my chemo pole.

A couple of months ago, my son and I were watching a movie where the mom died of cancer, and I asked him, “Did you ever think I was going to die? Were you afraid?” He just looked at me and said, “No, Mom. I knew you

weren’t going to die.

You weren’t afraid, so I wasn’t afraid.”

You created an activity book called Hello My Name Is Cancer during that time.

It came from what was happening day to day.

People were really wellmeaning—I had guests all the time bringing me things to eat, but nothing tasted good. They’d bring me things to read, but I had no attention span. I realized there are activity books for kids to make them feel better, but nothing for adults. So I’d take pictures or I’d sketch something and send it to Mark [Smith], who cowrote the book with me. It was something to focus on that seemed relevant. We raised money [on Kickstarter] to print and ship 5,000 books to cancer centers.

It’s gotten a great response.

On Christmas, I got a call from the head social worker at the hospital where I had my treatment. She was

crying. She said, “I’ve been handing your books out on all the floors, and you cannot imagine how many people you’ve made smile today.” This is the best thing I have ever been part of, for sure.

You’re in remission and in a new Nike job.

As senior innovator, my job now is to make mistakes and explore.

I’m at the beginning of the product pipeline.

Tell us about your family life.

My son is going into 10th grade. His father and I have been divorced for 11 years, and he and his wife are my best friends. All four of us travel together.

What does work-life balance mean to you?

I don’t think of it as a seesaw. For me, it’s just all kind of a blob.

Do you cook?

I don’t cook ever. I eat almonds and avocados.

Some people associate being into cooking as being passionate. I’m passionate—I just don’t care about cooking.

Any parting advice?

Make stuff, break stuff, and have fun.

ASK BUCKY TIME INC.’S* ALL-KNOWING, STRAIGHTSHOOTING SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF TALENT MANAGEMENT, BUCKY KEADY, TACKLES YOUR WORKPLACE CONUNDRUMS.

How can I make the best first impression at an interview?

First of all, don’t go in there a hot mess. If you’re schlepping lots of bags that day, ask the receptionist where you can stash them. Hang up your coat, or drape it over your arm. This way, when you step into the interview room, you’re ready to lead with a firm handshake and make eye contact. There’s a way to conduct yourself where you’re engaged but not anxious, and that’s what you’re going for. That also comes across in how you sit. When people sit with a straight back but in a relaxed, confident way, that’s professional and appropriate.

When they lean on the desk and invade my personal space, that’s not appropriate—especially when I’m taking notes.

No elbows on the desk. It might sound kooky, but there’s nothing wrong with practicing at home. Sit in a chair in front of a mirror to see how you come off, or ask a friend to give you feedback on your handshake.

These things really do count.

GOT A QUESTION FOR BUCKY? SEND IT TO ASKBUCKY@REALSIMPLE.COM. *TIME INC. IS THE PARENT COMPANY OF REAL SIMPLE.

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P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

THE GUIDE work & money

products for Fila. I worked for a lot of other brands over the years. Eventually I started at Nike and became color design director for the brand Jordan.

“I don’t think of work-life balance as a seesaw. For me, it’s just all kind of a blob.”

P RO D U C T I V I T Y P R I M E R

How to gain control of your in-box Do you feel as if your e-mail is the boss of you? Charles Duhigg, the best-selling author of Smarter, Faster, Better, helps transform your relationship with the ping.

Written by Ariana Speyer Illustration by Studio Muti

THE GUIDE work & money

3

1 SEARCH AND DESTROY “Don’t let your e-mail box become a to-do list,” something that you work your way through from top to bottom, says Duhigg. “It’s the worst to-do list possible, because literally everyone can add items to it.” On the way to work, spend 10 minutes thinking through your priorities for the day and setting a realistic start and end time to a morning e-mail session.

Then seek out important e-mails that require immediate responses— those about priority projects and those from your boss. Open those mes-

sages only. One strategy: Hit reply on each important message, and let the responses sit on your desktop. There’s your to-do list: this stack of replies. Use your prescribed e-mail time to write thoughtful, cogent responses, rather than attempting to tear through a larger quantity of less relevant stuf.

TIME HEALS MOST E-MAILS

File away messages that don’t need instant replies. A lot of them will become moot, says Duhigg.

2

FILE FOR LATER (WINK, WINK) Duhigg recommends a high-level procrastination technique that he feels can change your view of e-mail: “Have a side folder for messages that you don’t want to deal with at the moment but are hesitant to delete.” Drag e-mails (unopened or opened) into this folder without reservation. “I think you’ll be surprised how unguilty you’ll feel about it,” he says. Here’s where the magic happens: Leave the e-mails there long enough and they’ll take care of themselves. “You’ll probably discover that most of them never really needed

JUST. DON’T. REPLY. This advice goes beyond dealing with obvious junk mail.

Duhigg is talking about a message from your coworker two desks down. He maintains that “often people are asking questions when they can probably fnd the answers on their own. And if I don’t reply, they’re going to go fnd those answers.” How do you implement this kind of thinking without feeling…rude? By worrying more about yourself and your own time—gulp!—than the time of others.

A mantra to practice: “There’s no reason I should respond to people simply because they e-mail me.”

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your attention,” says Duhigg. “If it’s really a big deal, people will e-mail you again.” To build up your tolerance for this approach, check the side folder weekly. If something in there does need a response, you’ll still be in the ballpark for replying. As you get more comfortable, check less often—every two weeks, monthly. Duhigg checks his exactly never: “I put e-mails in the folder to pretend that I’m going to pay attention to them someday, but I’m not.” For him—and maybe you—it’s a step toward deleting without guilt, like moving the clothes you never wear to the attic before carting them to Goodwill.

4 RETHINK THE “IN-BOX ZERO” DREAM Emptying out your inbox religiously is probably a waste of time (and maybe really about something else), says Duhigg.

You can reduce your clutter by unsubscribing to mailing lists. Beyond that, hitting delete, delete, delete may be satisfying, but why bother?

“Are you doing it because it makes you feel good or because it’s actually useful?” says Duhigg. “And if it’s not useful, maybe you don’t need a clean inbox—and maybe you should stop using that as a barometer of success.”

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This is real 07. 2016

CAIT OPPERMANN (MOROCCO, 2012)

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THE WORLD IS YOUR JULY 2016

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Written by

Sarah Copeland Recipes by

Sarah Copeland Photographs by

Gentl and Hyers Food Styling by

Rebecca Jurkevich Set Design by

Jeffrey W. Miller

O YS T E R OR CLAM, SCALLOP, MUSSEL, CRAB, OR SHRIMP. THIS TUTORIAL MAKES BUYING AND PREPARING SHELLFISH AT HOME A (SEA) BREEZE.

R EC I P E O N PAG E 108 A WORD ABOUT

EASY CHORIZO, CHICKEN, AND SHELLFISH PAELLA

Prawns Wait, aren’t they just shrimp?

Well, no. Prawns and shrimp have slight anatomical differences, and larger prawns tend to mimic lobster in taste. But they can be used interchangeably in recipes.

RECIPE

Lemonchile broiled shrimp SERVES 4

Start with 1 lb. shrimp.

Remove the vein from the back of each one, leaving the shell on. (For the how-to, see Shrimp, following page.) Toss with 1 Tbsp. olive oil, 1 sliced lemon, 1 sprig oregano, and ½ tsp. each kosher salt, crushed red pepper, and black pepper. Broil in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet until the shells turn pink and the lemon is slightly charred, 5 to 6 minutes. Sprinkle with faky salt and serve warm or at room temperature, with bowls for discarding the shells as you eat.

Most shellfish will keep for 2 days in the coldest part of the refrigerator (the bottom shelves); store in a bowl, covered with a damp cloth, or freeze for up to 3 months.

But don’t freeze unshucked mussels, clams, or oysters; they should be alive when cooked.

MUSSELS Mussels are filter feeders, so they may have sand inside their shells. But they will do most of the cleaning work for you. Just soak them in a bowl of cold, salted water with a pinch of flour for at least 20 minutes before cooking. They will open, filter in the flour, expel the sand, then close again.

(Thanks, guys!)

The clump of brown threads sticking out between the shells is what the mussel uses to anchor itself to a rock.

Right before cooking, wrap the beard around your index finger and tug back and forth to pull it out.

I L L U S T R AT I O N S BY B R O W N B I R D D E S I G N

WHAT IS A MUSSEL BEARD?

TIP

SHRIMP Cooking shrimp with the shells on locks in their sweet flavor—great if you’re serving them simply.

(To devein without removing the shell, hook the tine of a fork over the vein at the head end and carefully pull it out.) Diners can peel as they eat.

LEMONCHILE BROILED SHRIMP

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SCALLOP AND CHIVE DUMPLINGS IN BROWN BUTTER

R EC I P E O N PAG E 108

TIP Scallops can be hard to brown without overcooking.

Dumplings are more forgiving— the meat stays tender and moist inside.

CRAB TOASTS WITH LEMON MAYO

TIP If you can’t find square ones, round wrappers work, too.

RECIPE

Crab toasts with lemon mayo

HOW TO ASSEMBLE

DUMPLINGS Lay out the wonton wrappers and keep them covered with a barely damp cloth while you work so they don’t dry out.

SERVES 4

Combine ¼ cup mayonnaise, 2 Tbsp. lemon juice, 2 tsp. mustard, and ¼ tsp. each kosher salt and black pepper in a bowl. Slice ½ baguette into rounds and arrange on a baking sheet; broil until toasted, 7 minutes.

Brush the baguette slices with melted butter and let cool. Toss 8 oz. fresh lump crabmeat (picked over), ¼ cup chopped dill, and 1 Tbsp. olive oil. Spread each baguette slice with the lemon mayonnaise and top with the crab mixture. Serve at room temperature.

SEAFOOD BAKE WITH FETA

1 Place the filling in the center of each wrapper.

SCALLOPS These tender bites have the sweetness of lobster with the ease of shrimp.

(Scallops cook in minutes.) Fresh scallops shine when you keep it simple: Brown butter or a bright tomato sauce is all you need.

Plan on serving 4 to 5 per person.

R EC I P E O N PAG E 108

2 Lightly brush water around the outside of the wrapper with your finger or a brush.

3 Fold the wrapper over the filling and press to seal tightly all the way around before cooking.

WHAT’S WITH THE LITTLE TAG ON MY SCALLOPS? Scallops usually come cleaned, but you’ll sometimes find a small, tough flap attached to one side, where the scallop was attached to its shell. Pinch it and tear it off before cooking.

CLAMS A WORD ABOUT

Octopus Leave trimming and tenderizing a whole one to the pros. (It’s a beast, and octopus can be rubbery when not cooked properly.) Instead, try canned. It’s delicious—trust us. Just drizzle with lemon juice, extra-virgin olive oil, and chopped parsley and serve at room temperature.

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The shape of a clamshell is perfect for scooping and slurping up sauce. Serve clams with garlic, butter, and wine or this rich tomato broth with flecks of salty Feta.

A WORD ABOUT

Jonah crab claws Inexpensive and available yearround (unlike many crab varieties), these Maine mainstays are small and prized for their mild, supple claws. Enjoy them with melted butter or traditional cocktail sauce.

HOW DOES IT LOOK?

BUYING GUIDE Fresh shellfish should smell sweet, clean, or briny— never fishy or like chemicals.

Keep in mind that people at greater risk for food-borne illness, such as pregnant women and the elderly, may want to avoid eating raw shellfish.

Oysters The shells should be tightly closed. Forget the old adage about months that end in an R. Oysters are delicious year-round.

Scallops Look for “dry packed.”

They won’t weep excess water when cooked.

Shrimp and Prawns Whether fresh or frozen (both are OK), seek out domestic. They’re tastier and usually a more sustainable choice than imported.

Mussels Avoid buying any with shells that are open, chipped, or cracked. If the mussels are bagged, discard the damaged ones before cooking.

Clams Look for shells free of chips or cracks. Discard any duds before cooking.

Crabs Go the easy route with pre-picked lump crabmeat (we do). But look for fresh, not canned. Be sure to pick over for slivers of shell before using.

RECIPE

Easy chorizo, chicken, and shellfish paella ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 60 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil 3 bone-in, skinless chicken thighs 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 large yellow onion, roughly chopped 6 garlic cloves, smashed 1½ cups uncooked Arborio rice 1 Tbsp. sherry vinegar or red wine vinegar 1 (14.5-oz.) can whole peeled tomatoes 3½ cups chicken stock 2 tsp. sweet Hungarian paprika 2 tsp. smoked paprika 8 oz. fresh mussels, cleaned 8 oz. large raw shrimp, peeled and deveined 1 link dry-cured Spanish chorizo, sliced Sugar snap peas, sliced; and lemon wedges, for serving the oil in a large, shallow skillet or wok over medium. Sprinkle the chicken with ½ teaspoon of the salt. Cook, in batches, until browned, 3 minutes per side. Remove the chicken and set aside.

HEAT

ADD the onion and garlic to the skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, 5 minutes. Add the rice and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Add the vinegar and stir to release any browned bits.

SHELL OUT

Eat a whole lobster like a pro. Go to realsimple. com/crackinglobster for five foolproof steps.

LE ARN HOW TO FO L D DUMPINGS O N PAG E 107.

STIR the tomatoes and their liquid, stock, both paprikas, and the remaining salt in a medium bowl, breaking up the tomatoes.

Add to the skillet and stir.

Simmer, stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes.

NESTLE the chicken, mussels, shrimp, and chorizo in the rice. Cook until the mussels are almost fully open, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and cover with foil. Let stand until the rice softens and the seafood is cooked through, about 10 minutes. Discard the foil. Top the paella with sliced sugar snap peas and serve with lemon wedges.

RECIPE

Scallop and chive dumplings in brown butter ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 4

16 dry-packed small sea scallops (about ½ lb.) ¼ tsp. kosher salt ¼ tsp. black pepper 4 Tbsp. fnely chopped fresh chives, divided 16 rice paper or wonton wrappers 4 Tbsp. unsalted butter ASSEMBLE the dumplings (see page 107), dividing the scallops, salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons of the chives among the wrappers.

MELT the butter in a large skillet on low until light golden brown. Add 8 dumplings to the skillet in a single layer; cook until crisp and golden, 2 minutes per side. Remove and cook the remaining dumplings. Remove, drizzle with the butter from the skillet, and sprinkle with the remaining chives.

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RECIPE

RECIPE

Seafood bake with Feta

Shallot-lime mignonette

ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 45 MINUTES SERVES 4

SERVES 4

1 (28-oz.) can whole peeled tomatoes ¼ cup dry white wine 3 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil 3 garlic cloves, smashed 2 strips lemon peel 1 sprig oregano 10 large clams, scrubbed

Cut of the skin and white pith from 1 lime.

Remove the lime segments and roughly chop. Toss with ½ fnely sliced shallot; 1 Tbsp. each lime juice (from another lime), olive oil, and rice vinegar; 1 tsp. soy sauce; and ⅓ tsp. sugar. Serve with 12 oysters on the half shell, on ice.

½ lb. large raw, tail-on shrimp, peeled and deveined ½ lb. dry-packed sea scallops 4 oz. Feta, crumbled ¼ cup fresh fat-leaf parsley, chopped 1 baguette, for serving PREHEAT oven to 475°F. Combine the tomatoes, wine, oil, garlic, lemon peel, and oregano in a large ovenproof skillet over medium. Cook, stirring and breaking up the tomatoes, until slightly thickened, 20 to 25 minutes.

NESTLE the clams in the tomato mixture. Transfer to oven and bake for 10 minutes. Remove the skillet from oven, nestle the shrimp and scallops around the clams in the tomato mixture, and top with the Feta. Return to oven, increase oven temperature to broil, and broil until the shrimp and scallops are cooked through, 4 to 5 minutes.

Sprinkle with the parsley and serve with the baguette.

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OYSTERS When shucking and serving (see page 146), don’t spill the briny liquid inside the shell.

It’s precious!

It mingles with the mignonette and gives a clean, oceany finish.

TIP Ready to take on the lobster? Steaming, not boiling, yields the most tender, flavorful meat. It’s also more forgiving because there is less risk of overcooking.

Here’s how: Fill your largest pot with 2 inches of heavily salted water. Add a steaming rack, then the live lobsters.

Steam, covered, until the shells are bright red, 8 to 10 minutes per pound. Serve warm with melted butter and lemon.

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BILLY IS A PAINTER. He lives with his folks in Massachusetts.

He has a form of autism that leaves him unable to speak.

But he has many ways to communicate—and HE SAYS PLENTY. Written by Virginia Sole-Smith Photographs by Christopher Churchill

AT THE GYM a few miles from home, Billy has trained with the same teacher, Patrick Palmer, since he was little.

Above right: LAMINATED CARDS backed with Velcro hang in the garage-cum–painting studio and help Billy

communicate his preferences. For texture in his paintings, Billy employs such tools as a comb and a potato masher.

BILLY MEGARGEL is halfway through his B morning yoga practice when he decides that he would like his teacher, Hannah Gould, to add a boat pose to the sequence. He finishes a sun salutation, steps of his purple mat in the sunny barn behind his family’s home in Weston, Massachusetts, and chooses one of many Velcro-backed photos hanging on the wall. Billy, 26, hands the picture, which shows boat pose, to Hannah. She points at the picture, looks directly at Billy, and gives him a thumbs-up. Billy treads his feet in a pleased jig, reclines on his mat, then lifts his body into the challenging V-shape—seat down, legs up, torso angled back, arms stretching forward.

“The harder something is, the more interested Billy is in doing it,” says Eve Megargel of her son, who has autism.

Hannah counts down from 10 on her fingers. When she reaches one, Billy rests back, breathing deeply. Hannah gives him a thumbs-up, and Billy ofers a little grunt in response.

Eve hasn’t heard her son say a word in 20 years.

Billy’s autism inhibits speech, and when he was diagnosed, at age two, doctors explained to Eve and her husband, Matt, that historically people like Billy had been institutionalized. They told the Megargels to expect their son to have almost no capacity for learning and that he would never be able to communicate with them. “It was basically ‘There’s no more we can do for you, good luck!’” recalls Matt.

They had known something was changing with Billy. Although he had been a strong, healthy baby who walked before age one, he wasn’t starting to string sentences together the way his older brother, Ben, had. In fact, he was beginning to lose the 50 or so words he had mastered. But Eve knew that Billy had thoughts and opinions about the world around him, like any curious toddler—he just wasn’t using spoken language to express them.

Schools in the area were not equipped for Billy.

“Most of what was ofered was about teaching Billy how to follow directions or answer very basic questions, like ‘Do you need to go to the bathroom?’ ” One special-ed consultant said, “Our goal is for Billy to learn to comply.” Eve wanted much more: “I wanted Billy to be able to ask his own questions and spontaneously tell us what he was thinking or feeling.” Eve and Matt refused to let Billy languish.

“If you stop thinking of someone as a communica-

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tor, you stop accepting their humanity,” says Eve.

At home, Eve and Matt began to devise their A own communication systems with Billy, using pictures. When Billy learned a word like watermelon, for example, by seeing a picture of a watermelon, he was then able to pick watermelon out of a list of printed words. Eve and Matt talked directly to Billy, just as they talked to Ben, telling him about upcoming plans, asking him questions, and narrating the sights on the drive to school. (Billy ended up attending a school out of district.) And Billy began to respond: a tongue click to indicate that, yes, he would like cake at his fifth birthday party, a gesture (rubbing his forefinger over his thumb) to say that he wanted to watch TV. Eve could see that Billy could understand far more than anyone assumed and that he had opinions and preferences. The family began to experiment

BILLY’S MOM, EVE, helps him follow notes for playing a tune on the balafon (a type of wooden xylophone). Billy is also learning other instruments from a local musician named Martin Case. Above right: AS A PAINTER,

Billy is prolific, sometimes producing three or four pieces a week. His work fills shelf after shelf in the family’s barn.

with voice-output computers, a technology then in its infancy. At first it wasn’t clear that Billy—who possessed a wild energy that spurred him to bounce endlessly on the family’s trampoline or sometimes smear himself with peanut butter and run laps around the dinner table—could follow the subtleties of computer navigation. Typing proved too challenging, but Billy was able to use a mouse and a touch screen.

Eve knew that they were on to something when Billy’s class played “The Ants Go Marching” too many days in a row. Billy’s teacher reported that just as she put the name of the song on the board, Billy, then six, used his device to say, “I don’t like this.”

Anyone who spends five minutes with Billy today can see that he communicates constantly. Like other people with autism whom Eve describes as “nonverbal communicators,” Billy uses visual images combined with text, body language, and vocal intonations to convey his thoughts and feelings.

This has been, and continues to be, a team efort involving the hard work

of Billy, Eve, and a band of teachers and aides—some trained autism therapists and others with artistic or athletic teaching expertise. “Eve is our general contractor,” says Matt. “She’s studied all the ways people work with autism and takes from each approach what works for Billy.”

Billy plays music, does gymnastics, and paints.

In fact, Billy’s passionate, colorful artwork is so much a part of his life that the family garage has been turned into a studio filled with canvases, easels, and a rainbow of paint tubes.

Billy’s artistic talents were discovered “on a hunch,” as Eve puts it, when he B was in elementary school: “We knew he loved colors. Billy has always liked to pick out his own outfits and put together unusual color combinations.” Indeed. Matt, who has a standing Saturday date with Billy to go to their favorite shops, laughs about the number of times Billy ended up in the girls’ department when he was younger, attracted by the more vivid shades. (“Rules like ‘Boys don’t wear pink’ aren’t part of Billy’s worldview,” says Matt.) But Eve was still amazed, when she first bought some acrylic paints, to see Billy pick up a brush, select a color, and begin to work with an immediate Jackson Pollock–style intensity and focus.

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Sessions begin with Billy’s choosing a piece of inspiration. It might be a patterned fabric, a painting by a famous artist, or, today, an earlier piece of his own creation. Then he decides which colors to use, pointing them out on a board of paint blobs, all neatly labeled with their names. Eve or another assistant helps him open the tubes that he’s chosen. Billy decides what texture to make the paint, choosing again from a board of options—and finally he paints. A helper stands back, occasionally handing over another brush or refilling a paint color but otherwise letting him work.

On this particular day, Billy plays the same country song over and over while he works. (Whenever it ends, he pauses in his painting to press play again on a boom box.) “Billy picks a diferent song every time he paints,” says Eve. “We think this is another way that he expresses himself.” The music and the painting must match.

In hindsight, of course, it makes sense that someone who understands the world primarily through pictures

could be a gifted visual artist. “But we aren’t taught to view people with autism as creative expressionists,” says Eve.

It’s still often assumed that people with I autism, especially those who can’t speak, are unable to decipher their feelings. But Eve could always see Billy exploring emotions. When he watched Charlotte’s Web as a little

boy, he wept when the spider died. At times when Eve seemed sad, Billy would put his hands on her face and delicately try to move her frown into a smile.

And when Billy himself felt angry or frustrated, he would have meltdowns. “That’s when these kids get labeled as ‘behavior problems,’” says Eve. So when he was small, Eve began to teach Billy the words for diferent feelings, using cartoon faces to illustrate them. As Billy learned more ways to express himself, the meltdowns lessened. The day that his brother, Ben, left for college, Billy walked by his device on the kitchen counter and, almost ofhandedly, navigated to Ben’s face and then to the word sad.

Over the years, Billy’s artistic abilities have O evolved. His early work is dominated by broad strokes, and now his work is more intricate and layered.

Through his current communication device, a regular Panasonic Toughbook, Billy can put together questions—like “Where’s Dad?”—on a touch screen and present the person he’s asking with a list of responses (such as “at the gym,” “on a business trip,” or “I don’t know— let’s call him”).

Eve is always watching for gaps in Billy’s communication and adds new

BILLY AND HIS YOGA TEACHER, Heather Gould, in a small group class in the Megargels’ barn. The more challenging the pose, the more Billy enjoys it, says his mom.

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Having this sort of vocabulary helped H Billy and his family through what they now refer to as “Billy’s dark years,” the time from age 17 to 23. He struggled then with near daily pain from severe gastrointestinal problems and a seizure disorder, both of which are often found in people with autism. (Researchers don’t understand why such problems can coexist.) Many days Billy felt too ill to leave his room.

When he did get up, he was often suffering and, at times, even violent. Eve recalls the night that he tried to poke her eyes, and another day when he rushed at her and grabbed her neck, digging in with his fingernails until he left red welts. She pulled herself free and ran from her son, locking herself in a bathroom to call Matt home from work. “I knew his actions were a cry for help, but in that moment I couldn’t help him,” says Eve. A new seizure medication and changes in Billy’s diet (no gluten, no dairy, no eggs) eventually (and gradually) led to improvement, to the family’s great relief. Eve feels that the communication model the family used was a large part of what got them through that very difcult time.

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words to his device frequently—from the names and faces of new people he meets to an emotion that she suspects he’s trying to express.

Ample resources and a tremendous investment of time have helped Eve customize Billy’s life, but she is quick to clarify that many people with autism can thrive with the right opportunities—and that there’s nothing unusual about her son. “I don’t want Billy to be conveyed as some kind of exception to the rule,” she says. “He’s run-of-themill. This didn’t all happen because he’s exceptional; it happened because we had a certain philosophy and we used certain tools.” Eve has written a book about this philosophy, called Learning to Kiss, which is both personal and practical. She is on a mission to help the world understand the power of nonverbal communication—and to see people like Billy as the intelligent, capable individuals their families already know that they are.

One of the last times that Eve can rememO ber hearing Billy talk was when he was six years old. It was Eve’s birthday, and the family was gathered around the table, waiting for Eve to blow out the candles. “At that point, I hadn’t heard him speak in a long time,” she recalls. “But Billy came up to me, looked me right in the eye, and said, ‘Mom.’ ” He never said it again, but Eve is past grieving for her son’s lost language. What she likes to remember is the connection she felt with Billy in that moment, because it’s the same bond she feels with her son today. “You don’t need words to understand that,” she says. “You just need to know Billy.”

For more on the communication model that the Megargel family has developed for Billy and others with autism, visit voicecolors.org.

Eve knew that they were on to something when Billy’s class played “The Ants Go Marching ” at circle time too many days in a row. Billy’s teacher reported that just as she put the name of the song on the board, Billy, then age six, used his device to say, “I don’t like this.”

COMMUNICATING WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T SPEAK Practical advice from Eve Megargel and experts in the field.

USE AN AGEAPPROPRIATE TONE.

“It’s a common misconception that because someone doesn’t speak, they must be mentally at the level of a toddler,” says Samantha Crane, the legal director and director of public policy at the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. “That leads people to talk to nonspeaking communicators like they’re babies, and that’s disre-

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spectful.” Instead, “presume competence,” says Beth Myers, the executive director of the Taischof Center at Syracuse University, in Syracuse, New York, which provides students with developmental disabilities access to higher education. Talk to a nonspeaking adult with the same tone that you would use for any other adult.

WAIT FOR A RESPONSE.

“If you’re talking to someone who uses a communication device, remember that they may need time to coordinate their movements,” says Crane. Don’t assume

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that the person is not listening if he or she is not looking at you or has body language that otherwise seems disengaged.

TALK TO THE PERSON— NOT THE PERSON NEXT TO HIM.

“We see this all the time in schools. Other kids and teachers will talk to a student’s aide but not engage the student,” says Myers. Eve notes that people regularly talk through or past Billy, as if he isn’t there. “People hear ‘nonverbal’ and this wall goes up,” she says.

“But that’s exactly the kind of barrier we have to break down.”

T H E P E R F EC T P I Ñ ATA PAG E 1 23

A T W I ST ON PICNIC TA B L E S PAG E 1 18

Pull off outdoor-entertaining magic with these 47 ideas—from experts and editors—for how to set up, what to serve, and how to stay chill.

Written by Emily Hsieh Illustrations by Mouni Feddag

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S EC R E T S OF GRILLING G U RU S PAG E 1 20

ICE-BUYING M AT H PAG E 1 19

LIT TLE G E ST U R E S T H AT G U E ST S LOV E PAG E 1 18

CALM D OWN, YOU’VE GOT THIS To serve and protect Set out a bowl filled with individually wrapped bug-repellent wipes ($20 for 48, lafreshgroup.com).

That way, if mosquitoes strike, your guests don’t have to bug you (ha) for some. Toss in a few travelsize bottles of sunscreen.

SKIP THE TABLES… …and the chairs Instead of stressing while cobbling together a mishmash of seating solutions, just spread out a bunch of blankets on the lawn with outdoor pillows (like the striped versions below). Leave a large basket on each blanket filled with cups, plates, cutlery, and napkins, along with a bottle of wine or a few beers on ice. Guests can help themselves buffet-style. It gives the gathering a more relaxed vibe than typical table settings.

Matthew Robbins, New York City–based event designer and planner

Ceci Johnson, New York City–based invitation and event designer

BRING IN CLEVER S E T P I EC E S

Q. W H AT ' S A N UNSCENTED WAY TO WA R D O F F M O S Q U I TO E S ?

A. Keep an oscillating fan on a low table or on the ground. The breeze creates difficult flying conditions, keeping the bugs at bay.

JOSEPH M. CONLON, TECHNICAL ADVISER AT THE AMERICAN MOSQUITO CONTROL ASSOCIATION

CANVAS LAUNDRY TOTES

Technically, these are for carrying dirty clothes, but they’re roomy and sturdy enough for carting party supplies, too. The best part is, once you’ve unpacked them, you can line them with plastic bags and use them as trash cans during the party. To buy: $50 each, llbean.com.

Pouf! Like magic!

Ikea’s round woven Alseda poufs make ideal serving stands when you set a platter on top.

They’re exactly the right height for little ones—or anyone seated on picnic blankets—to grab some food. To buy: $40 each, ikea.com.

LEO MASCOTTE, CREATIVE DIRECTOR AT DEMPSEY & CARROLL

Erin Johnson and Lucy Muellner, caterers and owners of the Fork and Anchor sandwich shop, in East Marion, New York

POP-UP CANOPY

It takes minutes to snap this waterproof tent into place (like opening a huge umbrella) to shield food and friends from sudden showers. Mine, from Abba Patio, is super sturdy (four steel poles plus heavy-duty polyester). To buy: $279 (10 by 10 feet), overstock.com.

MICHELLE KOHANZO, MANAGING DIRECTOR AT THE LAND OF NOD

UNOBTRUSIVE INSECT REPELLENT

Terrain’s all-natural incense Flyaway Sticks ofer extra bug-banishing power. Just stake them in the ground. To buy: $38 for 31, shopterrain.com.

Pillows in bright, punchy colors are an easy, low-cost way to cozy up a backyard.

PB Classic Stripe indooroutdoor pillows, $30 each, potterybarn.com.

STEPHANIE SISCO, REAL SIMPLE HOME EDITOR

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Blue Stripe platter set, $8 for three, shopsweetlulu. com. Designlovefest for Cheeky paper plates, $4 a pack, target.com/cheeky.

2 SUNDAE SCOOPS

MAKE IT GLOW String lights let your party flow into the later hours of the evening. For an easy patio setup, use bamboo sticks in buckets of rocks to prop up the lights, draping the strands from pole to pole.

Just wrap the cord around each pole and knot it at the top to fasten it in place.

Emily Henderson, Los Angeles–based interior designer

Keep in mind: If string lights are too bright, it can feel like you’re in a cafeteria, so I put mine on a dimmer.

It plugs right into the lights and the outlet. A soft glow puts everyone in a celebratory mood.

To buy: Lutron Credenza dimmer, $14, amazon.com.

Tara Guérard, Charleston,South Carolina–based event designer

Mix paperplate patterns Go ahead and use disposables to get out of post-party dish washing. Shop Sweet Lulu and Cheeky offer low-cost versions that make your table look high-end.

Rachael Weiner, Real Simple senior style and market editor

MA XIMIZE WITH M A S O N JA R S They make it a cinch to get some prep out of the way early.

1 PICKLED VEGETABLES

WANT MORE IDEAS FOR MASON JARS?

Visit Real Simple’s DIY sister site at thesnug. com/jars.

Fill small Ball jars with vegetables and brine.

(For the easy how-to, go to realsimple.com/ pickling.) Store overnight in the refrigerator. On the day of the party, set out the jars alongside the other barbecue fxin’s.

SARAH KARNASIEWICZ, REALSIMPLE.COM FOOD EDITOR

Photographs by

Philip Friedman Prop Styling by

Chanel Kennebrew

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Put scoops of various ice cream favors in small Mason jars and close tightly. Label each with its favor, and store them in the freezer. The next day, place them in a big bucket full of ice with a handful of salt to keep the ice cream from melting quickly. Set out bowls of sprinkles, chocolate chips, and other classic toppings, plus a few unexpected ones, like corn fakes and crushed pistachios.

SAM MASON, CO-OWNER AND CHEF AT ODDFELLOWS ICE CREAM CO., IN BROOKLYN

3 ASSORTED COCKTAILS

Make a few pitchers of diferent drinks, pour them into Ball jars, add labels, and refrigerate.

The next day, set them out on ice in a galvanizedmetal tub, with pretty striped straws nearby.

SYDNEY HERSHMAN, REAL SIMPLE HOME ASSISTANT

Q. HOW MUCH ICE SHOULD I BUY SO I D ON’T RU N O U T ?

A. As a general rule, two pounds per person gives you plenty to fill coolers and top off drinks as needed.

ELIZABETH MASCALI AND DAWN SANDOMENO, COFOUNDERS OF PARTY BLUPRINTS. BLOG.COM

Miami Cocktail Co. cocktails, $16 for a 750-milliliter bottle, miami cocktail.com.

order drinks online

healthy EatPops are organic, cold-pressed juices on a stick made with real fruit. You can choose from eight flavors with ingredients that run the gamut from açai-andcherry to agave-and-cayenne.

My favorite, Restore, is a mix of kale, banana, and pineapple.

To buy: $6 for three, eatpops.com.

(O R RU N TO T H E G RO C E RY STO R E F O R S O M E T H AT F LOAT !)

1 Miami Cocktail Co.’s organic cocktails (mimosas, sangría) are refreshing and relatively “healthy”—no artifcial favors or additives and only 100 calories per serving.

Stephanie Sisco

high-end water and an orange wedge.

BETSY GOLDBERG, REAL SIMPLE HOME DIRECTOR

2 High West Distillery makes amazing whiskey- and bourbonbased cocktails. My favorite is the Barreled Boulevardier: bourbon, sweet vermouth, and a bitter liqueur. To buy: $53 for 750 milliliters, mashandgrape.com.

DAVID STARK, NEW YORK CITY– BASED EVENT DESIGNER

3 I love BuzzBallz for summertime parties, to skip the hassle of mixing drinks. They contain real fruit juice, along with vodka, rum, or tequila; are stackable; and will even foat in the pool.

To buy: $3 each, buzzballz.com for stores.

AMY ATLAS, NEW YORK CITY–BASED EVENT DESIGNER

ICE POPS! FOR A NEW ERA

COVER COCKTAIL RECIPE

GRAPEFRUIT AND BLOOD ORANGE SPRITZER WITH CAMPARI ICE CUBES FOR EACH COCKTAIL,

combine 1 oz. botanical gin (such as Bombay Sapphire), 2 oz. grapefruit juice, 2 oz. blood orange juice (from ½ orange), and 3 to 4 Campari ice cubes in a glass. Top with sparkling

TO MAKE THE CAMPARI ICE CUBES, combine

½ cup Campari liqueur, ½ cup blood orange juice (from 1½ oranges), and 1 cup filtered water. Freeze in an ice-cube tray overnight.

Store frozen, in a resealable bag.

Brewla bars ship nationwide (on dry ice); are made with great ingredients, like peach puree and white tea; and come in adultish flavors: Cold Brewed Coffee, Cherry Pomegranate & Red Tea, Craft Brewed Root Beer Float. To buy: $48 for 30, healthygoodness.com.

Heath Goldman, Real Simple food assistant

CHILL, THEN GRILL? Hot (and cold) tips on prepping meat for the barbecue— from top chefs.

BURGERS should be very cold and should go on a grill that’s very hot. This helps form a nice crust without overcooking the burger.

TIM LOVE, CHEF AND OWNER OF LONESOME DOVE WESTERN BISTRO, IN AUSTIN AND FORT WORTH, TEXAS, AND KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE

STEAK should be at room temperature before it’s grilled so it will cook evenly. It’s best to pull steak out of the refrigerator one hour before grilling.

TIM DACEY, CHEF AT CAPA AT THE FOUR SEASONS RESORT ORLANDO, IN FLORIDA

Make a small gathering sizzle The environmentally conscious meat from Heritage Foods USA turns anyone into a grill master. All of the steaks are high-quality, but if you’re willing to spring for the Akaushi rib eyes, you’ll taste the best steak that you’ve ever eaten.

To buy: $157 for four, heritagefoodsusa.com.

Daniel Holzman, chef and owner of the Meatball Shop, in New York City

SAUSAGES do well with some precooking. If you put raw or cold sausages straight on the grill, they often end up burned on the outside and undercooked inside.

I precook them for a few minutes in simmering salted water or beer, which gives them a great char and favor.

ELIAS CAIRO, OWNER OF OLYMPIA PROVISIONS, IN PORTLAND, OREGON

FRESH FISH should be stored on ice, but it’s a good idea to leave fsh out at room temperature for 15 minutes before grilling. You’ll get pieces that are evenly cooked and just warm throughout, rather than dry outside and cold or raw in the center.

SARAH COPELAND, REAL SIMPLE FOOD DIRECTOR

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S U P E R- E A SY C E N T E R P I EC E S PAG E 123

Q. W H AT I F O U R G R I L L I S TO O SMALL FOR A B I G C RO W D ?

A. You can grill meat in batches up to 24 hours before the party.

(Partially cook steak, for example, for 5 minutes per side on medium heat.)

Refrigerate the meat; then, when guests

SMOKY ZUCCHINI BABA GHANOUSH

arrive, put it on sheet pans and finish cooking in the oven for 12 to 15 minutes at 350°F. Or skip the grilling entirely—just order in maindish platters and make a few sides.

FABRIZIO SCHENARDI, EXECUTIVE CHEF AT CAPA AT THE FOUR SEASONS RESORT ORLANDO, IN FLORIDA

Call in crowdpleasing platters • Fried chicken from a favorite supermarket • Macaroni and cheese from your go-to diner • Ribs (plus extra sauce) from a local barbecue joint

CREAMY BEET DIP

Store and serve: SNAP two-cup glass containers, $9 each, oxo.com. Ecofriendly disposable large platter, $29 for 10, linentablecloth.com.

D E L EC TA B L E DIP BAR

2

Make these speedy, colorful twists on classic dips. Serve them with crudités, crinkle-cut potato chips, or toasted pitas.

Puree ½ lb. cooked beets, 1½ cups wholemilk Greek yogurt, 1 tsp. kosher salt, ½ tsp. black pepper, 1 tsp. fresh lemon juice, and a pinch of cardamom in a food processor. To serve, top with ¼ cup Greek yogurt, ½ cup chopped roasted salted peanuts, ¼ cup chopped parsley, and 1 tsp. black pepper.

Serves 6. (Makes about 2 cups.)

HEATH GOLDMAN

ICE CREAM SANDWICH BUFFET

fix up some fun food stations CUSTOM NACHO STAND Set out tortilla chips with an array of toppings: shredded cheese, black beans, pulled chicken, jalapeños, pico de gallo, guacamole, limes— the works. Have everyone make his own in foil pouches that can be tossed on the grill for a few minutes to melt.

BETSY GOLDBERG

BUT TERMILK R ANCH AND K ALE DIP

Serve soft cookies—I like the classics (sugar, chocolate chip)—plus pints in a few favors, with scoopers. Guests can assemble their own, then roll the sides in sprinkles, chopped hazelnuts, or other add-ons, in shallow bowls.

SAMANTHA ZABELL, REALSIMPLE.COM ASSOCIATE EDITOR

CREAMY BEET DIP

1 SMOKY ZUCCHINI BABA GHANOUSH

Heat oven to 500°F. Halve 6 zucchini lengthwise. Drizzle the cut sides with 2 Tbsp. extravirgin olive oil. Bake on a rimmed baking sheet until charred and soft, 45 minutes. Remove from oven and cool. Scoop out the fesh and combine with ¼ cup tahini, 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice, and ½ tsp. kosher salt.

Top with ½ tsp. crushed red pepper fakes, 1 tsp. toasted sesame seeds, ½ tsp. black pepper, and 1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil. Serves 6.

(Makes about 2 cups.)

3 BUTTERMILK RANCH AND KALE DIP

Combine 1 small bunch fnely chopped curly kale (2 cups), ¼ cup buttermilk, 1 cup sour cream, ½ cup mayonnaise, 1 fnely chopped garlic clove, ¾ tsp. kosher salt, ¼ tsp. Tabasco sauce, and 1 small bunch chopped scallions (¼ cup). Serves 6. (Makes about 2 cups.)

FOOD STYLING AND RECIPE DEVELOPMENT BY HEATH GOLDMAN

A.K.A. WIN AT HOSTING

EXTR A CREDIT BUBBLE MACHINE

DOUBLE THE IMPACT OF YOUR TABLE TOPPERS

Ours keeps little ones (and even adults) happy for long chunks of time.

We set it up at the side of our house so the bubbles foat all over the yard. We use about a gallon of bubble solution for every couple of hours on full blast. To buy: Party bubble machine, $35, partycity.com.

communal art I cover our outdoor tables with classic white butcher paper.

To weigh it down, ask your kids to paint rocks or splatter them (à la Jackson Pollock), then place them running down the center of the table. It looks pulledtogether if you limit the palette to two or three paint colors.

When the party is over, the rocks can become part of your garden decor.

Randi Brookman Harris, New York City–based prop stylist

sprig o’ somethin’ We love lining the center of the table with potted herbs, like mint, basil, and lemon balm. Add a few pairs of little scissors so guests can garnish their Arnold Palmers or grapefruit margaritas.

It makes the table and drinks both look really beautiful.

THRILL THE KIDS (AND KEEP T H E M B U SY ) Q. WHICH W E AT H E R APP D O T H E PA RT Y P RO S R E LY O N ?

A. Dark Sky

gives accurate long-range forecasts and down-tothe-minute, hyper-local notifications. It practically tells you when and where in your eye the next raindrop is going to land!

CELERIE KEMBLE, NEW YORK CITY– BASED DESIGNER AND FREQUENT HOST

TATTOO PARLOR

I set one up at all of my parties using a kid-height table and chairs. You need a bowl of water, a fresh sponge, and a shallow dish to hold the sheets of tattoos. Corral it all on a large melamine tray, and designate one tattooer (an honor!).

As the evening wears on, adults inevitably get in on the fun. To buy: Temporary tattoos, from $15 for a set of eight, tattly.com.

MICHELLE KOHANZO

JUSTINA BLAKENEY, CREATOR OF THE LIFESTYLE BLOG THEJUNGALOW.COM

PARTY PIÑATA

It’s not just for birthday parties—it’s a hit at backyard bashes, too. The kids can’t wait for candy, and the grown-ups get into seeing all the little ones lined up, showing of their blindfolded batting skills. Whack Piñatas makes the best ones.

They’re cute (famingos, pineapples) and weird (smiling bacon). To buy: $55, whackpinatas.com.

MICHELLE KOHANZO

BULL’S-EYE GAME

Friends of mine set one up in their driveway.

Draw a bull’s-eye with chalk, and write a diferent point value in each circle. Divide the kids into teams, and have each player toss a beanbag. The team with the highest tally wins.

STEPHANIE SISCO

Erin Johnson and Lucy Muellner

GET HELP! If there’s a chance you’ll turn into a harried host (and hate yourself for it), these lighten-yourload helpers may be worth booking.

babysitter If you have more than a dozen or so kids coming, an extra pair of eyes goes a long way in helping parents (and you) relax.

(About $17 an hour for a party.*)

bartender Stock your bar, hand off the drink mixing, and spend more time mingling. (From about $18 an hour.)

floater A dedicated person to replenish platters, clear dishes, and more takes a huge amount of hassle off your plate. (About $10 to $18 an hour.) *SOURCE: CARE.COM

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SINGLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 33 YEARS

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RECENTLY WIDOWED MOTHER OF TWO

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Great hair makes you feel like a million bucks. We couldn’t think of five women who deserve that feeling more. They’re pushing through heartache, hardship, or illness to start a new chapter in their lives— and New York salon owner Nunzio Saviano is sending them off in style.

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TWO-TIME CANCER SURVIVOR

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Written by

Heather Muir and Chelsea Traber Burns Photographs by

Elinor Carucci Illustration by

Si Scott

SAREN STIEGE

CAREGIVER TO HER HUSBAND

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K I M PA R R QUIT HER JOB TO FOUND A GLOBAL WOMEN’S LEADERSHIP ORGANIZATION

6 , 5

IN SEPTEMBER 2015,

Candace’s world was rocked when her mixed-martialarts fighter husband of nearly two years, Jared, was diagnosed with stage 4 Ewing’s sarcoma, a rare bone cancer typically found in children. There were multiple rounds of experimental treatments and tough decisions to make. (Candace moved their two daughters, ages one and five, in with her parents to shield them from seeing their dad in pain.)

Jared lost his battle only four months after his diagnosis.

Candace is now a 27-year-old single mother in Oak Ridge, New Jersey, but she refuses to let this keep her down: “I need to be a fighter, like Jared, in order to raise our daughters to be strong women.”

“Ever since this nightmare happened to me, I spend a little more time on myself, because it makes me feel better.”

C A N DAC E P L AT T

NEW CHAPTER, NEW HAIR

M A K E U P BY M E L I S S A S I LV E R

Because Candace often pulls her hair back, Saviano kept her length and added face-framing layers to call attention to her cheekbones.

To extend the time between salon visits, he opted for ombré color—dark roots and lighter ends—so that regrowth isn’t an issue. For easy beach waves, he wrapped sections around a large curling iron, leaving out the ends.

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NEW CHAPTER, NEW HAIR

With a picture of Chelsea Handler’s lob (long bob) in tow, Dee Dee was fnally ready to make the chop after having long hair for more than 15 years. Saviano snipped piecey layers that hit her collarbone and added movement. A deep side part, buttery highlights, and undone waves made Dee Dee feel “light, airy, younger, free, perky. I was hanging on to my long hair, and the past, and that’s got to be done.”

AFTER A 21-YEAR

“I have been scared to cut it for a long time.

But I believe this is the beginning of a lot of things I’ve been hesitant to do for years and years—I’m ready to do things for myself.”

D E E D E E STO N E B ROXS O N

marriage followed by a tumultuous 10-year relationship that recently ended, “I found myself single right before I turned 50,” says Dee Dee. “It was time to move on.” After devoting so much of her life to her two children, her partner, her work as a business manager, and her mother (who is fighting cancer), the Naples, Florida, resident was told by her girlfriends that she had lost the spark in her eyes.

“I forgot myself over time, and now that I’m starting to get back together with friends and family and think about dating—I’m not out there looking for Joe Schmo—I’m ready for a fresh start.”

NEW CHAPTER, NEW HAIR

To give Casey fuller-looking hair, Saviano cut her wispy layers into one blunt length. He darkened her highlighted hair to match her natural rich brown and added one strip of clip-in human hair extensions to help blend her new growth with the rest of her hair.

A volumizer and a smooth blow-out with a round brush gave Casey’s roots lift.

FIVE YEARS AFTER

“When I heard I was going to lose my hair, it was unbelievably upsetting to me. I didn’t want to look sick for my own mental wellness and my kids’. Having hair dignified my struggle.”

C A S E Y B E N JA M I N

beating cervical cancer, Casey had a recurrence, in 2013— an isolated tumor in her lung, which was removed and followed by six rounds of chemotherapy. “The thought of losing my hair threw me,” says Casey. She underwent cold-cap therapy, which has been shown to help about 70 percent of patients minimize hair loss during chemo. “Two hours before and four hours after my already four-hourlong chemo, frozen caps were placed on my head,” she says. Now cancerfree, this New Yorker is doing things her way: She quit her job, divorced her husband, and started a jewelry website (goodjuju supply.com), where people can purchase meaningful pieces for loved ones going through hardships.

AFTER KIM and her

husband of 34 years sent their last kid to college, they were excited to enjoy some time for themselves at home, in Washington, D.C. Then, Mark, a successful CPA, unexpectedly lost his job. That was when Kim first noticed that things were off. “I thought he was depressed, but when he started getting lost, I knew something else was wrong,” says Kim. At age 54, Mark was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. “I said, ‘OK, we can do this.’ ” From reminding him to brush his teeth to becoming a runner so she can run with him, Kim manages it all.

But, she admits, “sometimes when I’m in the shower, I lose it. Then I quit feeling sorry for myself and go on.”

“You need to do something for yourself every day—and you need to laugh.

We need to laugh, or else we’d go insane.”

K I M PA R R

NEW CHAPTER, NEW HAIR

Saviano wanted Kim’s hair to refect her spunky personality, so he modernized her shoulder-length cut by raising the length and cutting long, sideswept bangs to soften her face. To mask the grays and fatter her skin tone, he added in a mix of highlights and lowlights. The result: a natural, ashy blond with lots of dimension. A straight blow-dry looks polished and is easy to do at home.

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NEW CHAPTER, NEW HAIR

Although Saren loved her long hair, Saviano wanted to give it more life, so he added long layers throughout. Caramel highlights were painted around her face for a subtle brightening efect.

A side part and soft waves controlled Saren’s thick texture, and a dab of oil tamed frizz and added shine.

“Because I was so unhappy at my old job, I felt full of negativity. When I decided to follow my passion, I was able to have a positive effect on so many others.”

S A R E N ST I EG E L

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IT TOOK ONLY one year of practicing family law in Chicago for Saren to realize that it wasn’t what she was born to do.

So she quit to become a leadership coach, helping women navigate life’s obstacles— parenting, career changes, divorce, etc. After coaching clients for a year, Saren moved to Los Angeles to expand her business.

Today the Glow Effect offers programs and podcasts on how to gain confidence and discover your passion. After being invited to speak at a leadership conference in Uganda, Saren was inspired to open a local Glow Effect Centre for Women & Girls, where they are educated on business, leadership, and health care.

“If you know your self-worth,” she says, “you can accomplish anything—it doesn’t matter how rich or educated you are.”

Launched her fashion line (Her daughter drew the cat)

Met her husband at an improv class in LA

Studied fashion in Illinois

Baked her way to stardom on Gilmore Girls

Grew up in a farm town

PICK UP A COPY IN STORES OR SUBSCRIBE AT PEOPLE.COM

Quick Cooking 104, 107, 108, 135, 136, 137, 138, 140, 145, 148

Healthy Pick 104, 135, 136, 137, 138, 140, 145, 148

Make Ahead 104, 138, 145, 148 One Pot 104, 108, 138, 148 Whole-Grain 136 Vegetarian 138, 145, 148 Gluten-Free 104, 108, 135, 136,

STORE

Corn tastes best within 2 days of picking. But unshucked ears last for up to 3 days in an open plastic bag in the refrigerator.

KERNEL KNOWLEDGE

At last, corn season! Here’s how to find the best ears and make them last.

BUY

Look for tightly wrapped husks and glossy silks.

Feel the ear for firm kernels instead of peeling back the husk, which dries out the corn and ruins it for other shoppers. Opt for organic—a guarantee that it’s not genetically modified.

137, 140, 145, 148

FREEZE

Bought too much? Cut off the kernels and freeze them in a plastic bag (stored flat), or freeze whole cobs with the husks removed for up to 4 months. Let both sit at room temperature for 5 minutes before cooking.

HEAD START

To peel several garlic cloves at once, place them in a bowl (metal works best), hold another bowl upside-down on top, and vigorously shake for 10 seconds.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

→ IF YOU CAN’T FIND COTIJA CHEESE, FETA IS A GOOD SUBSTITUTE. SUPER CUTS SAVE TIME TRIMMING GREEN BEANS BY LINING UP GROUPS OF SIMILAR-SIZE BEANS AND CUTTING OFF THEIR ENDS WITH A CHEF’S KNIFE.

Photographs by

Jen Causey Food Styling by

Chelsea Zimmer

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SOMEONE CHOOSES

TURKEY.

ONE BITE AND YOU’LL

SEE WHY. L.A. MIAMI DENVER NYC SEATTLE

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E A SY D I N N E R

1 Lemon-Dijon salmon with potatoes and green beans ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

1 lb. new potatoes 12 oz. fresh green beans 7 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil, divided 4 (6-oz.) skin-on salmon fillets ¼ cup fresh lemon juice (from 2 lemons) 1 Tbsp. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley 1 tsp. Dijon mustard 1 tsp. kosher salt FO OD

½ tsp. black pepper 2 tomatoes, cut into wedges ½ cup pitted Niçoise or kalamata olives, halved COOK the potatoes in salted water until just tender, about 6 minutes. Add the green beans and cook until crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Drain and rinse to cool.

Cut the potatoes in half.

HEAT 2 tablespoons of the oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add the salmon, skin-side down, and cook 3 to 4 minutes. Turn the fllets and cook until they are no longer translucent but still moist in center, 3 to 4 minutes more.

Remove from skillet.

WHISK together the lemon juice, parsley, mustard, salt, pepper, and the remaining oil in a small bowl.

DIVIDE the salmon, potatoes, green beans, tomatoes, and olives evenly among the plates. Drizzle the dressing over each serving. Serve warm or at room temperature.

D I N N E R , M A D E E A SY Now you can get this recipe and fully prepped ingredients from our partner, FreshRealm, delivered to your door.

Go to freshrealm.co/rs3 and enter 35OFFJULY to get $35 off orders of $70 or more, now until August 31.

Recipes by

Julia Levy

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

2 Chile-rubbed pork tostadas ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

1 tsp. ancho or chipotle chile powder ¾ tsp. kosher salt ¼ tsp. black pepper 2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil, divided 1½ lb. pork tenderloin 8 (6-in.) corn tortillas FO OD

3 to 4 Tbsp. boiling water 1 (20-oz.) can refried black beans 2 oz. Cotija or Feta cheese, crumbled (about ½ cup) ¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro ¼ cup thinly sliced radishes 1 ripe avocado, diced Lime wedges PREHEAT the broiler with the oven rack 6 inches from the heat. Stir together the chile powder, salt, pepper, and 1 tablespoon of the oil; rub over the tenderloin. Broil on a foil-lined rimmed baking sheet, turning halfway through, until a meat thermometer inserted in thickest portion registers 145°F, about 15 minutes. Remove from oven. Let rest 10 minutes before thinly slicing.

MEANWHILE, brush the tortillas on both sides with the remaining oil. Broil on a baking sheet, turning once, until lightly browned and crisp, 1 to 2 minutes per side.

STIR enough boiling water into the beans to make them creamy. Divide the beans, pork, pan juices, cheese, cilantro, radishes, and avocado among the tostadas. Serve with lime wedges.

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E A SY D I N N E R

3 Chicken legs with peach, shallot, and watercress salad ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

2 small shallots, thinly sliced 3 Tbsp. fresh lime juice 2 tsp. chopped fresh mint ½ tsp. kosher salt ½ tsp. black pepper FO OD

5 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil, divided 4 whole chicken legs (quarters), fat trimmed 1 ripe peach, cut into wedges 1 cup diced English cucumber 4 oz. watercress PREHEAT the oven to 450°F. Combine the shallots, lime juice, mint, salt, pepper, and 4 tablespoons of the oil in a small bowl. Coat the chicken with 3 tablespoons of the vinaigrette, reserving the rest.

HEAT the remaining oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high. Cook the chicken skin-side down in batches in a single layer until the skin is golden brown and crisp, about 3 minutes. Turn, transfer to a baking sheet, and place in oven.

Bake until an instant-read thermometer inserted in the center of a thigh registers 165°F, 15 to 20 minutes.

MEANWHILE, toss the peach, cucumber, and watercress with 3 tablespoons of the vinaigrette. Divide the chicken and salad among 4 plates. Drizzle with the pan drippings. Serve with the remaining vinaigrette on the side.

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

4 One-pot orecchiette with Swiss chard and tomatoes ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

SERVES 4

12 oz. orecchiette pasta, uncooked 2 pt. cherry tomatoes, halved 1 yellow onion, sliced 2 Tbsp. tomato paste FO OD

4 garlic cloves, sliced 1 tsp. lemon zest 1 tsp. kosher salt 4½ cups water ½ bunch Swiss chard, chopped 1 (15-oz.) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed 2 oz. shaved ricotta salata or crumbled Feta cheese ½ tsp. black pepper COMBINE the pasta, tomatoes, onion, tomato paste, garlic, lemon zest, and salt in a large, high-sided skillet or Dutch oven. Add the water and bring to a boil over medium-high. Cook, stirring constantly, until most of the liquid is absorbed and the pasta is almost tender, about 8 minutes.

ADD the Swiss chard and chickpeas and cook, stirring constantly, until the chard is wilted and the pasta is tender, about 2 minutes more.

DIVIDE among 4 bowls and top with the ricotta salata and pepper.

NUTRITION

Get details on fat, calories, and sodium at realsimple.com/rsrecipes.

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A NEW CO OKBO OK F RO M RE AL SIMPLE

YOUR FAVORITE INGREDIENTS, DELICIOUSLY REIMAGINED 10 inventive recipes for every family staple, from apples to zucchini AVA I L A B L E W H E R E V E R B O O K S A R E S O L D

©2 0 1 6 T I M E I N C . B O O KS . R E A L S I M P L E I S A R EG I ST E R E D T R A D E M A R K O F T I M E I N C . A L L R I G H T S R E S E R V E D.

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

5 Grilled hanger steak with charred succotash ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES

SERVES 4

1½ lb. hanger steak, center membrane removed and cut into 4 pieces ¾ tsp. black pepper 6 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil, divided 2 ears fresh corn, shucked 1 medium zucchini, quartered lengthwise FO OD

1 bunch scallions, trimmed 2 cups loosely packed baby arugula 2 Tbsp. fresh oregano leaves 1 garlic clove, coarsely chopped 2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar 2 Tbsp. water 1 tsp. kosher salt HEAT the grill to medium. Season the steak with the pepper and coat with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Grill, turning once, until a thermometer inserted in the center of each piece registers 130°F, 5 to 7 minutes per side for medium-rare.

Remove and let rest 5 minutes before slicing against the grain.

MEANWHILE, toss together the corn, zucchini, scallions, and 1 tablespoon of the oil. Grill the corn and vegetables, turning occasionally, until charred and tender, 6 to 7 minutes; remove. Cut the kernels from the cobs and cut the vegetables into pieces; toss together.

PULSE the arugula, oregano, and garlic in a food processor until roughly chopped.

Add the vinegar, water, salt, and the remaining oil and pulse until smooth.

Divide the steak and succotash among 4 plates. Drizzle with the dressing.

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HAVE YOU EVER BREWED ICED TEA AT HOME? IT’S LIKE THAT.

© 2016 Pure Leaf is a registered trademark of the Unilever Group of Companies used under license.

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Written by

Heath Goldman Recipes by

Paige Grandjean Photographs by

Greg DuPree Food Styling by

Chelsea Zimmer

EXCUUUSE ME!

FO OD

Persian cucumbers are part of the “burpless” category, socalled because they’re considered less bitter than other types. English cucumbers, also burpless, are skinny and long (about 14 inches) and otherwise similar to Persians.

You can use both varieties interchangeably.

Don’t confuse Persians with pickling cucumbers, commonly known as Kirbys, which are similar in size but have seeds and a tough, bumpy skin. Kirbys are traditionally used for pickles, but we like to pickle Persians, too.

PERSIAN CUCUMBERS

Want to be as cool as a you-know-what this summer? Try these sweet, seedless, petite cucumbers (most are about fve inches long) in everything from pizzas to cocktails. The skins are tender and delicious, so you can chill with the peeler, too.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

IN A PICKLE?

1

2

3

Melon, cucumber, and Burrata salad

Cucumber-strawberry lemonade ice pops

Toss together 2 cups each sliced PERSIAN CUCUMBERS and chopped CANTALOUPE, 4 oz. torn PROSCIUTTO slices, 2 Tbsp. torn FRESH MINT, and 1½ Tbsp. WHITE BALSAMIC VINEGAR or WHITE WINE VINEGAR in a bowl. Transfer to a serving platter. Top with 8 oz. torn BURRATA CHEESE and drizzle with 2 tsp. OLIVE OIL. SERVES 4

Process 1 cup each roughly chopped PERSIAN CUCUMBERS and roughly chopped STRAWBERRIES, ¼ cup simple syrup (¼ cup SUGAR boiled with ¼ cup WATER until dissolved, then cooled), and 2 Tbsp. FRESH LEMON JUICE in a blender until smooth.

Pour into 4 (½-cup) ice-pop molds. Freeze 12 hours or overnight. SERVES 4

Toss together 2 cups thinly sliced PERSIAN CUCUMBERS and 1 tsp. KOSHER SALT in a bowl; let stand 5 minutes. Drain and rinse. Toss together the cucumber, 3 sliced SCALLIONS, 2 tsp. RICE VINEGAR, 1 tsp. GRANULATED SUGAR, 1 tsp. SOY SAUCE, and ½ tsp. BLACK SESAME SEEDS in a bowl. Serve with fried chicken or on top of burgers or tacos. SERVES 4

4

5

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FO OD

Japanese quick pickles

Spicy corn and cucumber salsa

Frozen cucumber Moscow mule

Greek salad pizzas

Stir together 1¼ cups each FRESH CORN KERNELS and chopped PERSIAN CUCUMBERS, 3 Tbsp. chopped FRESH CILANTRO, 2 Tbsp. FRESH LIME JUICE, 1 fnely chopped RED FRESNO CHILE (seeds removed), and ¾ tsp. KOSHER SALT. Serve on fsh tacos with sliced avocado and crumbled queso fresco. SERVES 4

Freeze 12 oz. GINGER BEER in an ice-cube tray 12 hours or overnight. Process 2 cups roughly chopped PERSIAN CUCUMBERS, ⅓ cup each VODKA and FRESH LIME JUICE, 3 Tbsp. GRANULATED SUGAR, and the frozen ginger beer cubes in a blender until smooth. POUR into 4 glasses. Garnish with CUCUMBER SLICES. SERVES 4

CRUNCH TIME Find more ways to use this easy vegetable at realsimple.com/cucumber.

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Heat 4 PITA ROUNDS in 2 batches on an oiled grill pan until warm, about 3 minutes. Toss together 1¼ cups sliced PERSIAN CUCUMBERS, ¾ cup halved CHERRY TOMATOES, ½ cup each halved PITTED KALAMATA OLIVES and crumbled FETA CHEESE, ¼ cup thinly sliced RED ONION, ¼ tsp. KOSHER SALT, and 1 tsp.

OLIVE OIL in a bowl. Spread 2 Tbsp.

HUMMUS on each pita. Top each with ¾ cup of the salad. SERVES 4

K I TC H E N S K I L L S

Things Cooks Know

L SPECIA FISH SHELL N EDITIO

Simplifying strategies, techniques, and tips— from the Real Simple test kitchen to yours

THE CL AM CHART TA ST E / T E X T U R E

B E ST S E RV E D

HELPFUL TIP

“Oysters on the half shell” sounds fancy, but if you can pry open the shells, you’re almost there. Grab an oyster knife (like the Dexter Russell stainless-steel oyster knife in walnut, $20) and a dish towel and follow these steps.

TO SHUCK

Mild, sweet, and briny.

FO OD

HARD SHELL

Raw on the half shell; cut up in chowder; stuffed.

VARIETIES INCLUDE LITTLENECKS, TOP NECKS, CHERRYSTONES, AND CHOWDERS.

Slip a clam knife between the shells; twist to break the hinge.

Follow steps 2 and 3 (right).

Sweet and slightly salty, with tender bellies.

Steamed and dipped in butter.

Soak them in salted water to purge grit.

Slightly sweet and delicate.

In sauces and pastas.

Cockles cook quickly; remove from heat the second they open.

SOFT SHELL ( ST E A M E R S )

STEP 1

CO CKLES

Extra salty and briny.

In sauces and pastas; steamed.

MANIL A

These make a pretty presentation steamed; the interior of the shells are rimmed with deep purple.

Mild, sweet, and chewy— almost tough, so never eaten raw.

Fried.

Surf clams are almost always sold in cans.

Mild and meaty.

Steamed; broiled; chopped in salads.

Razors can be hard to find and difficult to clean; order them when you eat out.

USE THE JUICES TO BOOST FLAVOR IN SOUPS AND PASTAS.

STEP 1 Clean oysters vigorously under cold water with a scrub brush.

Grasp an oyster in the towel, with the fatside up and the hinge (where the shells meet) exposed. Poke the knife into the hinge. Twist the knife back and forth— like turning a key in a lock—until the top (fat) shell pops open.

STEP 2 Slip the blade along the inside of the top shell, severing the muscle (the oyster will rest in the bottom shell) and being careful not to spill the liquid.

Discard the top shell.

STEP 2 STEP 3 Run the blade under the oyster to cut the attached muscle.

Wipe the knife clean; repeat. Serve the oysters on a bed of crushed ice.

SURF

Written by

Heath Goldman STEP 3

R A ZOR

Illustrations by

Melinda Josie

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S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O I A N M A C G R E G O R , O W N E R O F T H E LO B S T E R P L A C E , I N N E W Y O R K C I T Y.

NAME

How to shuck and serve oysters

B E T T E R B R E A K FA ST

FO OD

Roasted plums with yogurt and walnuts

ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 15 MINUTES SERVES 4

MELT the butter in an 8-inch cast-iron skillet over medium-high. Sprinkle the plum halves evenly with the sugar and place, cut-side down, in the skillet.

2 Tbsp. unsalted butter 4 plums, halved and pits removed 2 tsp. granulated sugar ⅓ cup pure maple syrup 2 cups Greek yogurt

Recipe by Jiselle Basile Photograph by Jen Causey Food Styling by Chelsea Zimmer

¾ cup walnuts, toasted and chopped

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COOK until the cut sides are golden in color, 2 to 3 minutes. Reduce heat to medium, turn the plums over, and cook until tender, 5 to 6 minutes more.

TRANSFER the plums to a plate, leaving the juices behind. Add the maple syrup to the skillet and stir. Combine the plums and plum syrup. Keep warm. (Or refrigerate for up to 2 days; warm before using.)

DIVIDE the yogurt among 4 bowls. Top each with 2 plum halves and chopped walnuts. Drizzle with the syrup.

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Go to realsimple. com/ breakfast for 14 Instagramworthy meals to start your morning.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

This stone fruit makes a killer breakfast (and is sweet enough for dessert). You can do the roasting the day before. Plum brilliant!

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For professional results every time...

F O R S E V E N W E E K S E V E RY S U M M E R , T H I S M O M O F T H R E E K E E P S 3 0 0 - P LU S G I R L C A M P E R S E N T E RTA I N E D F RO M M O R N I N G T I L L N I G H T — A N D T H E R E ’ S N O I PA D O R S M A RT P H O N E I N S I G H T.

MARCY ISDANER, 51

ALL IN THE FAMILY

• Owner of Camp Mataponi, in Naples, Maine • Married to Dan Isdaner, with three daughters: Nikki, 22; Mia, 18; and Hallie, 14 • Lives in Jupiter, Florida, most of the year

HOW MARCY KEEPS EVERYTHING KUMBAYA

“My oldest daughters are counselors; my youngest is a camper. They get the full camp experience—sleeping in a bunk bed and everything.”

7:00 A.M. “I stop at my office after my paddleboarding workout,

7:40 A.M. “Each morning, I meet with the unit leaders of

but I’m rarely in there. My husband, Dan, handles operations and financials. I focus on the campers and avoid paperwork.”

each age group to discuss what happened the day before.

I don’t want to micromanage—I just want to be aware.”

9:30 A.M. “I’m driving down to our horse show. Any girl can join

11:45 A.M. “After I popped into the health center to check on

any sport, even if she’s new to it. There’s no pressure to be the best or try out. The girls have enough of that during the year.”

a camper who’s not feeling well, I call a unit leader to bring her stuffed animal from her bunk to make her feel comfortable.”

No.1

“Before each new girl arrives, I visit her at her home or do FaceTime with her and talk to her about feeling homesick, so she knows what to expect.”

No.2

“I give my husband a lot of credit. While I’m visiting campers during the year, he’s carpooling our daughters and braiding their hair. I got rid of the mom guilt.”

No. 3

“When you put a bunch of young girls together, there’s probably going to be some drama. We empower the campers to talk through issues.”

GIRL POWER

“I love nothing more than the friendships the girls form. They make connections that last a lifetime.”

2:35 P.M. “The campers go sailing almost every day, and I try

4:40 P.M. “Today I visited a bunk, and we did our nails. Then the

to take a group out daily myself. We blab away about girl stuff or sing songs. I’m just one of them when I’m on the boat.”

girls performed a dance they made up. I know playing with the campers will make me smile, so I always make it part of my day.”

Photographs by Emily Kinni

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Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Introducing the newly redesigned Volkswagen Passat with Blind Spot Monitor, one of seven available Driver Assistance features.* Passat. Where family happens.

vw.com

When equipped with optional Front Assist

Simulated image. *Driver Assistance features are not substitutes for attentive driving. See Owner’s Manual for further details and important limitations. For more information, visit www.iihs.org. ©2016 Volkswagen of America, Inc.