Parents - December 2019

Raise Kids Who Love, Care, and Give SPECIAL H O L I D AY ISSUE

IMAGINE

Leading by example, activist musicians Dan Reynolds (Imagine Dragons) and Aja Volkman, with daughters Coco, Gia, and Arrow DECEMBER 2019 PARENTS.COM

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CONTENTS

I N E V E RY I S S U E 14 Editor’s Note 17 Let’s Get Real 22 You’re Welcome 120 Giggles

25

KI D S 25 News + Ideas Expert advice on instilling compassion, reading at grade level, holiday safety, and much more 30 The Eczema Effect Discover the latest research on treating and preventing this itchy skin condition.

36 Raise Kind People Make the world a better place by fostering empathy and caring at home.

44 Bake. Wrap. Give!

Spread holiday cheer with five festive cookie recipes, plus crafty ways to package them as gifts.

56 It’s Never Too Early to Volunteer These communityservice ideas will make giving back second nature for your children.

60 Help Kids Understand Hate How to talk about the truly hard stuff—bias incidents, racism—that is all too common today

64 Easiest Ornaments Ever Spark tree-trimming excitement with a DIY project for beginners.

66 Animal House!

Meet Charlotte and her Persian cat, Chantilly.

YO U 69 Beauty Gifts That Make an Impact These pretty products all benefit charities, so you can match your friends to the causes they care about.

78 Women’s Health News Get more out of your foam roller, and a postpartum kit that brings relief.

44

80 The Cover Interview: Imagine Kindness Dan Reynolds, the front man of Imagine Dragons, and his wife, musician Aja Volkman, talk about family values and more.

86 My Parenting Motto Is ...

Read the heartfelt and humorous stories that won our annual reader essay contest.

LI FE 93 A Month of Magical Memories We’ve got 25 whimsical ways to make the holidays more jolly and joyful.

ON THE COVER Dan Reynolds and Aja Volkman and their daughters, Coco and Gia, 2, and Arrow, 7.

Photograph by Ari Michelson. Adults’ wardrobe styling by Sarah Schussheim for The Wall Group. Children’s wardrobe styling

by Veronica Alvericci for Art Department.

Hair and makeup by Tracy Moyer for the Rex Agency. Manicures by Saundrea Griffin for the One Luv Agency. Prop and set styling

by Naomi Goss. Child wrangling by Ian McDavid.

On Dan: Shirt, Vince. Pants, Dickie’s Construct at Barneys New York. Boots, Balmain. On Aja: Dress, Amur, from Bloomingdale’s. Earrings, Eriness. On Coco: Shirt, Tucker & Tate.

Jeans, H&M. Boots, Dr. Martens. On Gia: Shirt, Crewcuts. Jeans, H&M. Boots, Dr. Martens.

On Arrow: Jacket, Velveteen. Jeans, H&M. Lettering by Claudia de Almeida.

93

98 “I Had to Do Something.”

These determined moms and dads started nonprofits that have helped thousands of families.

104 Brunch for Your Holiday Bunch Feast your eyes on six recipes, like sweet potato hash and chia pudding parfaits, that feed a crowd.

112 Cook for a Neighbor in Need Your foolproof guide to organizing a meal train, including entrée picks

AG E S + STAG E S 115 0–12 Months Combat the first cold.

115 1–2 Years Ditch the crib.

116 3–4 Years Teach listening skills.

117 5–6 Years Deal with embarrassment.

118 7+ Years Bring spelling home.

PA R E N T S

9 DECEMBER

2019

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LET’S GET

What’s one kind thing someone did for you that you’ll never forget?

My cousin always accompanies me when I take a sick cat to the vet. She knows it’s traumatic!

LIZ VACCARIELLO Vice President, Editor-in-Chief

A random woman ran up to me on the street to tell me my Spanx were showing.

That’s true kindness right there.

Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor JULIA EDELSTEIN Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Lifestyle Director LAURA FENTON Food Director JENNA HELWIG Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF Senior Editor, Nutrition and Travel KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHOR N Associate Editor, Beauty SHANNON M. BAUER Associate Editor, Features EMILY ELVERU Editorial Assistants KYLEIGH LEDDY, KARA THOMPSON ART & PRODUCTION

A group of wonderful moms at my son’s day care set up a meal train for me after the birth of my second boy. It was touching, helpful, and delicious!

Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Art Assistant AVA BRAMSON Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Executive Photo Director LILY FRANCESCA ALT Photo Director DAVID COOPER Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Assistant Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief JEAN RODIE Copy Editor SHELLEY WOLSON Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N.

I was carrying a paper bag full of stuff on a rainy day, and it got wet and started to rip.

I didn’t realize anyone had noticed, but a woman handed me a plastic bag. I was so thankful!

Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Executive Operations Coordinator, Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR Contributing Editors DAPHNE de MARNEFFE, Ph.D., SALLY KUZEMCHAK, R.D., JENNY MOLLEN, ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY, COLBY SHARP, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH D I G I TA L

Executive Editor JULIA DENNISON Deputy Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY SEO Editor LIZ LASHWAY Senior Photo Editor SARINA FINKELSTEIN Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS Social Media Editor GILLIAN NIGRO SEO Writer NICOLE HARRIS Associate Editor LIBBY RYAN ADVISORY B OARD Pediatrics ARI BROWN, M.D., DAVID L. HILL, M.D., HARVEY KARP, M.D., PHILIP LANDRIGAN, M.D., A flight attendant JANE MORTON, M.D., IRWIN REDLENER, M.D., carried my baby MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H., HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D., in his car seat DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., JENNIFER SHU, M.D., through the airport WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. when the Nutrition JILL CASTLE, R.D.N., CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D. Plane Train was Mental Health ROBIN BERMAN, M.D., DAVID FASSLER, M.D., broken.

HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D., REBECCA LANDA, Ph.D. Dentistry LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D. Child Development and Behavior LISA DAMOUR, Ph.D., WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D., EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D., WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D., MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D. Women’s Health ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D., MARJORIE GREENFIELD, M.D., LAURA RILEY, M.D., ALEXANDRA SACKS, M.D. Education and Child Care DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D., CATHY VATTEROTT, Ph.D. Allergy WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D., HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. Emergency Medicine and Safety MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D., WENDY L. HUNTER, M.D., GARY A. SMITH, M.D., Dr.P.H. Sleep JODI MINDELL, Ph.D., JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Dermatology LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D., JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D.

MARK JOSEPHSON Senior Vice President, Group Publisher Associate Publisher, Meredith Parents Network TRACY HADEL ADVERTISING SALE S Northwest Director JULIE BANFIELD Southwest Director WENDY SEELIG-WALKER Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO, NADINE WAXENBERG Assistants BRIDGET CORRY, MICHELLE KWAN, KIM SCHWARTZ, MAGGIE THELEN Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB Manager, Direct Media TYLER HUB National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE My mom moved to within 2 miles of our MARKETING home to be a closer part of our family after Group Marketing Director SUSAN JOYCE we announced Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN baby #3. She comes Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER by every day to Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA help give stay-at-home Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Daddy a break!

Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO Associate Art Director DAVID L. TRACY A D M I N I S T R AT I O N Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT Business Manager MATTHEW PROBST Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Manager RACHEL BLACK Production Director MELANIE STOLTENBERG Senior Production Manager TIFFANY GJERSTAD Advertising Production Supervisor ALI FELSENTHAL Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM

MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP President, Meredith Magazines DOUG OLSON President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI President, Chief Digital Officer CATHERINE LEVENE Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Chief Marketing and Data Officer ALYSIA BORSA Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER

Our neighbor plows our driveway after every snowstorm.

Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Direct Media PATTI FOLLO Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN The Foundry MATT PETERSEN Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW Vice Presidents Finance CHRIS SUSIL Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE Shopper Marketing CAROL CAMPBELL Brand Licensing STEVE GRUNE

Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ MEREDITH CORPORATION President and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY Chief Financial Officer JOSEPH CERYANEC Chief Development Officer JOHN ZIESER President, Meredith Local Media Group PATRICK McCREERY Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Chairman STEPHEN M. LACY Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER

© Copyright Meredith Corporation 2019. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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How Parents Can Change the World H AV E YO U E V E R

met a parent who, when asked if they want their children to be kind, said no? Of course not. As mothers and fathers, we know it’s our job to teach our children to be generous and caring. But our message can get muddled as they grow. I was shocked when Harvard researcher Richard Weissbourd, Ed.D., told me that in his study of more than 40,000 high-school students, about 80 percent thought their parents were more concerned about their achievements or happiness than their caring for others.

Yet when I reflected on the conversations I have with my own ninth-graders, I realized that I’m usually asking about homework, test scores, teacher reactions, and highlights from their sports and clubs. I want

PA R E N T S

14 D E C E M B E R

2019

to shift the balance in my home, and I’ll bet you do too.

That’s why our December issue is devoted to raising children who are kind, thoughtful, and bighearted.

The centerpiece, Catherine Newman’s manifesto on modeling empathy (page 36), should inspire all of us to make that a priority. I am

especially proud of our guide to orchestrating a meal train for a friend in need (page 112) and the age-by-age ideas for volunteering with your kids (page 56). Even our holiday stories focus more on ways to create warmth and memories this season than on things to buy. And since you can’t envision a world that’s loving without acknowledging the divisiveness that also exists, I point you to senior features editor Katie Arnold-Ratliff’s graceful essay, “Help Kids Understand Hate” (page 60).

Executive editor Julia Edelstein sent me this quote by Pope Francis, which her rabbi, Rachel Ain, shared at Rosh Hashanah services: “The enemy against which we fight is not only hatred in all of its forms, but even more fundamentally, indifference; for it is indifference that paralyzes and impedes us from doing what is right even when we know that it is right.”

I chose our cover parents, Dan Reynolds, of Imagine Dragons, and his wife, musician Aja Volkman, because of their work as allies of the LGBTQ+ community within the Mormon church.

Before I interviewed them, I wondered about things from a parenting perspective.

How did they reconcile their church’s views with the values of inclusion and love

Sweetness all around!

Our crew flew to Las Vegas to photograph our cover family.

that they’ve worked so hard to spread and to instill in their children?

As this issue was going to press, Ellen DeGeneres was criticized by the Twittersphere for sharing a laugh with President George W. Bush at a football game. On her show, she read one supportive response: “Ellen and George Bush together makes me have faith in America again.” That’s exactly the point, DeGeneres said: “I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have.”

Dan and Aja echo her perspective. In my long conversation with the couple (page 80), they went deep quickly, explaining how their advocacy and their religion can coexist. To heal and unite, we must be willing to listen to, and live alongside, people we disagree with.

In this special issue, I’m not telling anyone which values are right or wrong.

I am just hoping that, like me, you can imagine a world that is kind and full of people who love, give, and care. I believe that our best shot is to raise young people who do.

FOLLOW ME ON I N S TA G R A M

I took this shot of Dan and Aja’s daughter Arrow during my interview.

Scan this code with your phone’s camera for more behind-the-scenes access (no app needed).

LIZ: ARI MICHELSON. WARDROBE STYLING BY JEN SMITH FOR ELYSE CONNOLLY INC. HAIRSTYLING BY RHEANNA WHITE FOR TRACEY MATTINGLY. MAKEUP BY LINDSEY WILLIAMS FOR KATE RYAN INC. PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS. ON LIZ: DRESS, KAREN MILLEN. EARRINGS, VINTAGE PRADA FROM PILGRIM NEW YORK. GROUP PHOTO: ARI MICHELSON. DAN AND FAMILY: LIZ VACCARIELLO.

EDITOR’S NOTE

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*Hospitals: based on hospital sales data; nurses: vs. other hospital brands, among those with a preference; parents: based on retail sales.

R E L AT E . R E J O I C E . R E AC T. R E M I N I S C E .

• CELEB

Words for All of Us These famous parents are all about thoughtfulness, and we’re here for it.

“Perhaps it’s the newfound clarity I have as a father, knowing that my son will be mimicking my behavior ... From small acts of kindness to large measures of character, each move that we make matters. Especially when we don’t think anyone is watching.”

—Prince Harry, at the National Youth Mentoring Summit

“Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses ... swapped back and forth and over again.”

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: KEVIN WINTER/GETTY; RICK FINDLER - PA IMAGES/GETTY; DESIREE NAVARRO/GETTY; SAMIR HUSSEIN/GETTY; CINDY ORD/GETTY.

—Michelle Obama, in Becoming

“When you respect the idea that you are sharing the earth with other humans, and when you lead with your nice foot forward, you’ll win, every time.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately, about where it starts and what keeps it moving from one person to the next. I believe that we are all made in likeness, and because of that, our hearts are naturally drawn toward one another. But the thing about kindness is, it’s a choice.”

—Chip Gaines, in a blog post on Magnolia .com titled “We Believe in Human Kindness”

—Kristen Bell, to the University of Southern California School of Dramatic Arts graduates

“Let’s all be a bit kinder, huh? Let’s show our children that it’s cool to be kind.”

—Pink, on Twitter

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17 D E C E M B E R

2019

LET’S GET REAL

• AT LEAST THER E’S TH IS Let’s zen out, shall we?

SCHOOL DROP- OFF

Breathe in, breathe out.

Release the tension in your body, which has all coalesced in your wrestling grip on the steering wheel. Redirect your thoughts from the one car that needs to pull up just 2 feet so everyone behind it can let their kids out but doesn’t. Notice the mom double-parked at the front of the drop-off line, blocking the exit for all other vehicles, applying mascara. Open your mind.

Think:“Perhaps she has a very tiny bathroom with no mirrors.”

TA R G E T O N A S AT U R D AY

Take a moment to consider how this situation came about, then stuff these thoughts into an imaginary reusable bag in your mind because you forgot to bring any real ones. Form a game plan, knowing it will completely fall apart when you walk in and see a pack of Chewbacca notebooks for $1. Have your family repeat the mantra: “We just need lightbulbs.” When that mantra becomes “We need lightbulbs. And a blender and an inflatable pool and that funny Minion T-shirt,” channel your acceptance that this will cost you.

IN THE CAR, HIS L OV E Y L E F T B E H I N D

Bring your attention to the wailing in the backseat, as you have no choice.

Notice your partner driving while smiling a strange smile, having already mentally relocated to a swim-up bar in Tahiti.

Every time your mind strays to self-blame, focus instead on the now.

This is the moment to choose between having a forlorn child for the next 48 hours or taking a detour back to Cleveland.

STUCK IN ONE ROOM AT T H E C H I L D R E N ’ S MUSEUM

Keep thinking, “It’s educational,” even if it looks like a playroom with acoustics that make it seem as if the kids are screaming in your own head. Watch your daughter stick her hands into a stream of running water with 17 other children to grab a wellworn rubber duck. Exhale.

Say: “Germs are necessary to build immunity.” Sit on what you think is a normal stool until a 3-year-old spins the seat, making you rise unsteadily toward the rafters. Let a smile fill your face. Shout, “We’re learning physics!”

KUDO S TO INC LU S IVE KID S’ S HOWS!

Molly of Denali (PBS Kids) Ten-year-old Molly Mabray, from Alaska’s Gwich’in, Koyukon, and Dena’ina tribes, stars in this first-ever national children’s show to feature Native American leads. When she isn’t helping her parents at the trading post, Molly vlogs for kids in the “lower 48” about things like Alaskan ice cream, called nivagi.

Ages 4 to 8

18 D E C E M B E R

In the Garden With Grandma THERE’S SOMETHING

(Cartoon Network) As a half-human, half-Gem superhero whose powers emanate from his belly button, Steven knows what it’s like to feel different.

Acceptance is a theme of this action comedy that features inclusive characters like Ruby and Sapphire, whose 2018 marriage was the first same-gender wedding on children’s television. Ages 6 to 11 —Leslie Goldman

—Liz Schnabolk

Bluey (Disney Junior) Sisters Bluey and Bingo pretend they’re everything from hotel managers to butterflies.

Their dad, Bandit, bucks traditional gender norms as the family’s master laundry folder who isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong.

Ages 4 to 6

—Sarah Schmelling

2019

F R OM M Y L I T T L E ON E

extra special about the relationship between a grandmother and a grandchild. Grandparents don’t necessarily have to deal with the hard stuff that parents do, but they love you just as fiercely. Or at least, mine did. So when my grandmother passed away a little less than two years ago, grief hit me hard. She lived down the street from me when I was a kid, she came to every one of my school events (she had a box of saved programs to prove it), and we always celebrated our day-apart birthdays together.

In the weeks that followed her death, our family grieved by keeping each other as close as possible. That meant my own mom, my toddler son, Weston, and I spent a lot of time together. One afternoon, I watched from inside my house as my mom, an avid gardener, worked in the yard with her 11/2-year-old grandson beside her. She helped him push little plants into the ground, and they crinkled up their noses as they smelled the different potted herbs together. She patiently let Weston take the reins on watering the new buds. I smiled, as I knew this scene all too well. My grandma had shared many of her own special little hobbies with me.

Watching Weston, I knew things would never be the same, but they would be okay.

He, in all his innocence, would move our family forward. I’ll still get to experience the relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild, but now it will be by watching my son and my mom.

Steven Universe

PA R E N T S

• L E S S ON

BOTTOM LEFT: PRISCILLA GRAGG. MIDDLE, FROM TOP: EVERETT COLLECTION; COURTESY OF THE SHOW; EVERETT COLLECTION. TOP RIGHT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

Meditations for Parents

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LET’S GET REAL

W E N E E D TO TA LK .

by J E N N Y M O L L E N

A WRITER

friend shared this classic saying with me: Fate leads those who follow it and drags those who resist it. The same is true of motherhood.

We can fight it, but it will change us nonetheless.

In my life before kids, there weren’t many consequences for the things I did and said.

As long as I was able to weave my antics into a wacky adventure, I was typically rewarded for them. This was especially true in my relationship with my husband’s ex-girlfriend, Baz. My obsession with Baz was the foundation for most of my comedy on Twitter and the inspiration for not one but two chapters in my first book. In my younger years (read: most of my 30s), I did drive-bys down her block, posted pics of myself in cute outfits I hoped she’d stumble across while googling me, and reeled her into interacting with me by finding things of hers around our house and gifting them back to her.

Though cautious, Baz always seemed to respond to my high jinks, which only egged me on. But this is not that story.

Just before the start of this school year, Jason and I rented a house on Nantucket for a week and invited my sister, Samantha, and her family to join us. Samantha has three boys, two of whom are the same ages as my sons, Sid, 5, and Lazlo, 2. Her eldest, coincidentally, goes to school with Baz’s sister’s

PA R E N T S

20 D E C E M B E R

2019

kids, making the two of them “mom friends.”

It was our second-to-last day on the island and the older boys wanted to see a movie in town. I waited out Lazlo’s nap and arrived at the theater about a half hour after my sister. Once I’d parked my car, she ran over and banged on my window.

“Jenny! It’s your lucky day!” she exclaimed. “Guess who I just bumped into? Baz! And her entire family!”

I hadn’t seen Baz for a good six years. I knew she was married and had heard she’d had a baby, but I was no longer up-to-date on her life the way I’d once been.

“They’re walking around Main Street. You’re gonna see

them,” my sister assured me.

And shortly after, there she was, standing on an adjacent corner looking back at me.

I was Captain Ahab and she was my Moby Dick.

My heart started racing as I tried to think of the best way to handle the situation.

Unlike the old Jenny, who would have stopped at nothing to harpoon Jason’s former flame, I felt guilt and shame over the chaos I’d previously caused.

Baz held hands with her daughter, a little girl roughly the same age as Lazlo, as they cautiously crossed toward me.

Her past involvement with my husband was instantly irrelevant. She was a mother now, with responsibilities

just like my own. To show her anything other than empathy would be antithetical to everything I try to model for my own kids.

Baz’s sister rushed up to my sister, and they began chatting. I stayed about a block away until Lazlo broke free from my arms and went charging in their direction.

Jason appeared just in time, swooping up Lazlo and making awkward small talk with Baz and her parents.

Eventually, I had no choice but to join them. I could tell she didn’t want to speak to me, and I tried to honor that.

The truth was that I didn’t deserve to be spoken to, and I understood her feelings fully.

I never thought I’d feel comfortable being an adult.

Maturity seemed boring and the high road too arduous to trek. But kicking and screaming, I’ve changed.

A week later, I sent Baz this email: “Baz, I know I can’t take back the past. But I want you to know that I’ve grown up a lot since we knew each other. As a woman and a mother, I only want to lead with kindness, and the girl that I once was, was not kind.

I know that I hurt you, and for that I am deeply sorry.”

RE AD MORE J E NNY Jenny Mollen has two sons and an avid Instagram following @jennymollen.

She’s the author of two best-sellers, including I Like You Just the Way I Am.

COURTESY OF JENNY MOLLEN.

Taking the High Road, Even If It Kills Me

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LET’S GET REAL

You’re Welcome 1

1. Healing Service Project The Mini Box of Hope contains five wooden stars plus supplies for decorating. Go to the website to find a community dealing with a tragedy, then mail your creations to those affected to be hung as symbols of strength. $45; starsofhopeusa.org

6 GIFTS FOR KIDS T H AT S P A R K K I N D N E S S

2. A Game to Teach Empathy Friends and Neighbors: The Helping Game emphasizes the importance of altruism. Players work together to lend a hand to as many characters as possible.

A fun antidote to Monopoly!

Ages 3+, $18.50; amazon.com

2 3

Former St. Jude patient Coraliz, now 18, designed the reindeer and the cupcake.

3. Heartfelt Ornaments Artwork made by patients at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital inspired these Pottery Barn Kids ornaments. (Half the proceeds go to the incredible organization.) Put one on your tree for a nice reminder of what really matters in life. $10.50; potterybarnkids.com

4. One to Give, One to Keep When a 7-year-old boy told his parents he wanted to combine stuffed animals and blankets to “make the world smile,” Happy Blankie was born. When you order one for your child, the company sends another to a person in need. $42 and up; happyblankie.com

4

5. A Craft That Spreads Joy

5

6 Consider sending your profits to Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation!

The Random Acts of Flowers kit comes with all the materials to create a dozen blooms, with cards that read, “I made this for you. Do something nice for someone today.” After your kid does the crafting, bundle the bouquet together and leave it out for the taking in town or at school. $21; amazon.com

6. Stand for a Cause This 3-foot-tall Creatology lemonade stand is an enticing coloring project. When it’s done, your child can set up shop and donate the cash to a charity of his choice. $30; Michaels stores PETER ARDITO.

Preprinted cards make it easy to distribute your blooms.

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Compassion for Others Starts Young Even 6-month-olds can demonstrate empathy, says a study in the British Journal of Psychology. Researchers showed infants two videos.

In one, a square character climbs a hill and meets a circular friend; they happily go down the hill together. In the other, a circular figure hits a square character, making it cry and double over. When researchers presented the squares to the babies, more than 80 percent chose the one that had been hit, showing that the infants were empathetic to the bullied shape.

You can help your baby develop this tendency. “Her brain grows with love and connection, so gaze into her eyes as you feed her and coo back when she coos at you,” says Robin Berman, M.D., a Parents advisor and author of Permission to Parent. “If she’s crying, say, ‘I know you’re hungry. Dad’s getting a bottle.‘ Being present and attuned is an act of kindness and a building block of empathy.”

—Emily Elveru

photograph by PRISCILL A GR AGG

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K I D S Ñ Ne w s + I d e a s

SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

My 8-year-old isn’t reading at her grade level. What can I do?

It’s easy to panic when your child seems to be falling behind in school.

But you can calm your concern and help her at the same time, says Parents advisor Cathy Vatterott, Ph.D., professor emeritus at the University of Missouri–St. Louis and author of Rethinking Homework. Ask yourself these three questions.

1 Who says your child is struggling?

If the problem was revealed through school testing or her teacher’s concern, then you should figure out which assessment was used and ask what issues it found.

But opinions of other parents and comparisons with what other children in her grade are reading aren’t valid reasons to worry.

2

Why is she not reading at grade level?

Reading is a complex process. If your child tests below grade level, this

could point to several possible causes, like wordrecognition or decoding issues or even vision or hearing problems (each of which requires a different type of intervention). Once you learn which reading behaviors might be factors, rest assured that her teacher and reading specialist have many tools available to help her get to the next level.

3

What can you do together at home?

Allow your kid’s interests to drive what she reads.

(She loves dogs? Find every

book you can about them!)

Your child’s teacher and reading specialist might also suggest ways to support her improvement, such as having you read to her, having her read to you (and the dog!), talking with her about what she’s reading, getting her to reread a book she liked, or letting her write her own story to read.

Finally, relax. You don’t want your worries to affect your child’s confidence.

Reading is supposed to be fun, not an anxious chore.

Think that giant vat of rainbow orbs is really just a huge petri dish of germs? Not quite, according to a recent study. Researchers at the University of North Georgia found 31 types of bacteria in the ball pits of six physical-therapy clinics. That might seem like a high ick factor, but it’s a very low risk for kids, says Adam Ratner, M.D., director of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases in Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital at NYU Langone. “Your child can come into contact with these bacteria anywhere,” says Dr. Ratner. Those like Streptococcus oralis and Staphylococcus hominis may sound scary, but they’re not just crawling in ball pits; they also live on virtually every kid’s skin and tongue. Unless your child has skin lesions or a compromised immune system, playing in a germy ball pit shouldn’t put him at any higher risk for infections.

However, do keep in mind that cleaning standards and schedules vary widely from one pit to another.

Ask when the balls were last sanitized.

If the attendant doesn’t know (or you smell something funky), it’s best to stay out. As always, common-sense precautions apply: Your kid should wash his hands before and after he jumps in, and you should make sure he’s up to date on his vaccinations.

—Kaitlin Lowe

—E.E.

Y E T A N O T H E R W AY T O S AY “ I L O V E Y O U ”

Give your child a boost midway through her day. Lunch Box Letters, by Carol Sperandeo and Bill Zimmerman, contains 100 different tear-out notes like “Have an awesome day!” and “Keep smiling, because …” with room for you to write, plus a joke or a riddle so your kid and her friends can LOL at lunchtime. $10; amazon.com —E.E.

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CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: PRISCILLA GRAGG; BOANA/GETTY; PETER ARDITO.

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USE CANDLES WITH C A R E . You don’t

have to banish them, but be cautious. Make sure they’re in a sturdy holder that won’t tip over. Place them up and away from your kid’s grasp—and where your dog can’t reach them. Try to keep them off the dinner table; a tablecloth or a napkin could easily catch fire.

When you leave the room, blow the candles out.

2

INSPECT CORDS.

When you take your string lights and extension cords out of storage, look at where the plugs and cords meet. If a connection is pulling apart or you can see wires, throw the cord out; loose wires can spark on tree needles or wrapped presents. Unplug lights and cords when you’re not using them, especially at night, and pop on an outlet cover to protect curious little fingers from getting shocked.

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3

M A I N TA I N T H E F I R E P L A C E . It’s fine

to have 2 or 3 inches of ash on the firebox floor, but any more may push the logs forward and cause flames, sparks, or smoke to billow into the room. Use a shovel to remove it, and toss it into a noncombustible garbage can with a sealable lid or your compost pile. To help reduce built-up soot, ash, and creosote (tar that comes from wood smoke), use only dry, well-seasoned firewood. Green or wet wood can cause excessive smoke, creosote, and dangerous chimney fires; wrapping paper and plastic contain chemicals that can harm us and the environment; and cardboard is highly combustible and can greatly increase the risk of a fire.

Check the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector twice a year, and crack a window when you light a fire to help let

out any deadly CO. Before closing the damper, leaving the house, or going to bed, be sure the fire is almost out (it’s okay to leave an ember or two). If your fireplace or stove has a chimney or a vent, call in a certified chimney sweep every year to evaluate its condition.

4

T E N D T O YO U R T R E E . If you’re getting

a real Christmas tree, try to pick one that’s fresh (this might mean chopping it down yourself or asking the tree-lot attendant when the ones available were cut).

Once it’s at home, keep it moist by placing the base in a stand that holds water and refilling it daily. And as pretty as a lit, ornamentladen tree looks, get rid of it once the holidays pass.

A tree that’s dry (it’ll have needles that break easily or fall off in your hand) is more likely to catch fire from lights, cords, or plugs.

—Riyana Straetker and Emily Elveru

CAIAIMAGE/PAUL BRADBURY/GETTY.

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A crackling blaze in the fireplace and twinkly lights on the Christmas tree brighten any dreary winter day. But home fires are most likely to occur during the winter from causes like candles, heat sources, and lighting equipment. These tips from Philip Landrigan, M.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Children & Environmental Toxins, will help protect your family.

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THE

ECZEMA E FFECT As if itchy, flaky skin — and the teasing it often evokes —weren’t bad enough, this chronic rash often ushers in food allergies, asthma, and other conditions, according to new research. Here’s everything we know about how to keep these troubles at bay.

by H O L LY P E V Z N E R / illustrations by J A M E S YA N G

A LE X A N D R A F U N G ,

a mom of three in Chicago, thought she had her baby’s eczema under control. After all, her older kids, ages 10 and 12, have the skin condition (like nearly 10 million kids in the U.S.), and so does she. Fung knew to use gentle detergents and moisturizers. She put tiny mittens on her baby’s hands at night to curb his

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scratching. But the red and pink patches on his cheeks, which arrived when he was a few months old, only worsened.

Then other sensitivities began to appear.

Eating dairy exacerbated his rash and made him fussy. He had a reaction to eggs at 10 months (a bout of vomiting, which Fung wasn’t too concerned about), then another to peanuts at 1 year (swollen

lips, which was far more worrisome).

She took her son to an allergist. “He was diagnosed with several food allergies, including a life-threatening one to nuts,” says Fung. “And that’s when I first learned that eczema is closely related to those allergies.”

Research has shown that kids with eczema are vulnerable to a phenomenon

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called the atopic march, in which eczema’s trademark raw, open skin helps bring about any or all of the following conditions: food allergies, asthma, and hay fever (also known as allergic rhinitis).

It can also result in bullying, and does for many kids. That all sounds alarming, of course. But even if your child is already acquainted with the skin ailment, there’s no need to panic. New insights about preventive care, early intervention, and diligent maintenance are revealing that eczema may be more treatable—and the allergic progression less inevitable— than previously thought.

The Gateway Rash Eczema is a chronic condition in which patches of skin become red, scaly, and itchy. It usually appears on the face, scalp, and/or trunk, first arriving anywhere from several weeks to several months after birth. It typically creeps to the elbows and knees when the child is around 6 months old, though it can affect any part of the body.

The thing is, every baby is a little bundle of highly sensitive skin, which makes it difficult to know whether you’re dealing with eczema or just gardenvariety irritation. But there are some clues to watch for. “If you, your partner, or your other children have ever suffered from eczema or allergies, it’s especially important to bring any skin issues to your pediatrician’s attention,” says Sandy Skotnicki, M.D., assistant professor of dermatology at the University of Toronto and coauthor of Beyond Soap. These factors put kids at a high risk for developing eczema, and thus, the atopic march.

Even if you’re fairly confident that your child has eczema, you may need to be persistent with your pediatrician to get a diagnosis. Ayren Jackson-Cannady, of Arlington, Virginia, whose oldest child, Trey, suffers from eczema, knew what the condition looked like because her husband is also a lifelong sufferer. Yet that information, coupled with Trey’s itchy rash, didn’t ring any warning bells for his doctor. “I think she just assumed it would be a temporary thing,” says Jackson-Cannady. “I know that some kids outgrow it with a little extra moisturizing. But some don’t.”

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What to Look For in a Moisturizer Using a dye- and fragrance-free emollient is key to controlling eczema. The problem? Eightythree percent of the bestselling moisturizers featuring a “hypoallergenic” label include at least one potentially allergenic chemical, and 45 percent that claim to be “fragrance free” are not, found a 2017 study in JAMA Dermatology. Your best bet is to choose “greasy” ointments and creams (high oil content more effectively keeps moisture in and irritants out) that feature the National Eczema Association Seal of Acceptance, such as CeraVe Baby Healing Ointment and Aveeno Baby Eczema Therapy Moisturizing Cream.

You can also search for products on the association’s website (nationaleczema.org).

Unfortunately, misunderstandings about the condition—and who is at greater risk—appear to be widespread among physicians. More than 50 percent of parents whose child has eczema have seen up to five doctors before their child was diagnosed and treated, according to a 2016 survey by the National Eczema Association. That delay can have long-lasting negative consequences.

“Early diagnosis and intervention might help prevent certain aspects of the atopic march, and it certainly can ease severity,” says Neeta Ogden, M.D., a pediatric allergist and spokesperson for the American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology.

Picture eczema, food allergies, asthma, and hay fever as dominoes. Each one can fall down on its own, but they are all more likely to be knocked over if the first domino—eczema—falls. According to a review of studies in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology, 81 percent of kids with eczema go on to develop at least one food allergy. If this occurs, they are then seven times more likely to be diagnosed with asthma and nearly 12 times more likely to develop seasonal allergies.

Why is this so? “It’s a hard concept to understand,” says Dr. Skotnicki.

“Essentially, atopic eczema is a skinbarrier disruption—leaky skin, if you will.”

The skin is supposed to keep water in and irritants and allergens out. But eczemaaffected skin fails to provide such a barrier, and its susceptibility to dryness and irritation can cause microtears that allow even tiny amounts of allergens to enter the body. Think peanut dust on a bakery table that hasn’t been wiped down thoroughly enough, on which your little one rests her forearm. Think pollen floating through the air (and into your child’s sinuses) or chemicals in your laundry detergent, which touch your baby’s face when he rests his cheek on your shoulder. When these invaders make contact with skin affected by eczema, “the immune system freaks out and mounts a response,” says Peter Lio, M.D., clinical assistant professor of dermatology and pediatrics at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, in Chicago.

That response can lead to an allergy

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to those foods or irritants—one that can last for the rest of the child’s life.

Acting Early The good news is that parents of little ones at high risk for eczema (meaning their parents or siblings have the condition or have food allergies) are not powerless. Step one: Limit baths.

“The first thing we need to do is stop washing children so much and for so long,” says Dr. Skotnicki. “Water and soap actually break down the skin barrier we want to strengthen.” According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, three short baths a week during a baby’s first year is likely plenty. They should last only five to ten minutes, and you should use a mild cleanser without additives. Dr. Skotnicki adds that no small child requires more than that unless he’s truly dirty or sweaty, or if he’s already been diagnosed with eczema.

In the latter case, you should bathe your child daily during flare-ups, but for no more than ten to 15 minutes in lukewarm water and with no soap. “Patting, not rubbing, your child dry and moisturizing within three minutes after the bath is also key,” says Dr. Skotnicki.

Another counterintuitive—but clinically proven—strategy for halting the atopic march: early exposure to peanuts. When children at high risk for eczema start consuming peanut products between 4 and 6 months old, their chance of developing peanut allergies plummets by 74 percent, a major study concluded. Of course, this should happen with a pediatrician’s okay; for babies who already have severe eczema or a family history of the condition, nuts need to be introduced only under an allergist’s guidance.

“You want a child’s first exposure to common allergic foods to occur via the gastrointestinal tract, not the skin,” says Dr. Lio. “When a baby ingests a food, the gut has special systems designed to induce tolerance so he won’t become allergic. That doesn’t happen with skin exposure.” In short: The goal is to get common allergic foods into your baby’s belly before they can wreak allergic havoc by being absorbed through the skin.

“Some studies have also shown that moisturizing high-risk infants daily

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with rich, oily emollients such as Vaseline or sunf lower-seed oil can reduce the risk of eczema by up to 50 percent,” says Dr. Lio. Emollients can create a physical barrier when the skin can’t provide its own, he explains. There have been conflicting studies about this practice—it’s an emerging avenue of research, with new findings being published frequently—but Dr. Lio still encourages families of high-risk babies to follow it daily from birth through 6 months in order to prevent or delay eczema.

Ashleigh Bouselli, of St. Charles, Missouri, whose two oldest children have eczema, knew about the atopic march and covered her third child with Vaseline for months. Bouselli can’t swear to it, but she suspects that this helped keep her son, now 22 months, eczema-free. “He’s yet to have anything more than a couple of random patches of dry skin. I’m so relieved,” she says.

Treatment Advances Parents of kids with eczema have traditionally been given the same advice because it does help: Moisturize often, limit exposure to triggers (irritants such as secondhand smoke and scented detergents), and use hydrocortisone creams and/or topical corticosteroids to stop the itching that comes with the rash. As Dr. Skotnicki says, “Daily moisturizing and proper cleansing are the cornerstones of

THE GOAL IS TO GET COMMON ALLERGIC FOODS INTO YOUR BABY’S B E L LY B E F O R E T H E Y CAN WREAK ALLERGIC HAVO C BY B E I N G ABSORBED THROUGH THE SKIN.

They’re All Connected!

Not every kid with eczema hits each stop on the atopic march. In fact, there are children with eczema who never develop any of the other related conditions, says Dr. Neeta Ogden. Although not all journeys progress in this order, here are some of the diagnoses that can follow eczema.

FO O D A LLE R G I E S Common ones associated with eczema are egg, peanut, soy, and dairy, with symptoms including hives, itching, swelling of lips, face, tongue, and/or throat, and nausea or vomiting.

ASTHMA Kids often make a whistling or wheezing sound when they exhale; cough when triggered by exercise, cold air, or sleep; and experience congestion, trouble breathing, shortness of breath, and a tight or uncomfortable feeling in the chest.

Most doctors prefer not to make a definitive diagnosis until after the child turns 5 and the symptoms have been persistent and observable for several months or even years.

A LLE R G I C R H I N I T I S With these seasonal allergies, children are often congested; experience repetitive sneezing and a sore throat; feel itchy in their mouth, nose, ears, or eyes; and have trouble with snoring.

Eczema can also bring about allergies to pet dander, mold, and dust, all of which have the same symptoms as allergic rhinitis.

eczema therapy, and they do result in better outcomes.”

However, some parents are reluctant to use corticosteroids on their children because of possible side effects, like thinning skin. Even if parents feel comfortable using the creams, doctors advise using them only during severe flare-ups, and only for seven days at a time. That’s why there’s excitement about Dupixent, a steroid-free injectable approved earlier this year for kids 12 and up with moderate-to-severe eczema, and which is likely to be FDAapproved for younger kids soon too. After 16 weeks of monthly treatments, more than 40 percent of patients showed a 75 percent improvement. “Even though it’s a shot, the fact that it’s safe and effective and it lets parents worry less about applying topical treatments makes this a game changer,” says Dr. Ogden.

Currently, babies and children with mild-to-moderate eczema have another steroid-free option: Eucrisa, an ointment that reduces symptoms by blocking the production of pro-inflammatory proteins called cytokines. When it debuted in 2016, more than a decade had passed since the FDA had approved any new topical treatments for eczema.

Alexandra Fung is expecting baby #4 now, and is already focusing on ways to help her infant sidestep eczema. “This baby is going to be so moisturized,” she says. “It’s empowering to know that I may be able to help stop this from happening again.”

Dr. Ogden agrees, adding that there’s a lot that parents can do right now: “Catch eczema early, stay on top of it, learn all that you can about early peanut introduction, and above all, don’t hesitate to be proactive.”

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RAISE

KI N D PEOPLE The best thing you can do to make the world a better place is to create a culture of kindness in your own home.

Consider these ways to show your children why the Golden Rule rules.

by C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N / photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G

I R E C E N T LY A S K E D my friends and family, “When you think about instilling kindness in your kids, what do you mean by kindness?” They had many different responses: compassion, generosity, empathy, justice, alleviating suffering.

But every answer involved an underlying consideration for others, rather than acting only out of self-interest. It makes sense that this is also the definition of humane, because kindness is the most fundamental expression of what it means to be a human being.

Kindness is about “seeing with your heart,” explains Angela C. Santomero, author of Radical Kindness: The

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Life-Changing Power of Giving and Receiving and cocreator of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. For our littlest kids, this might mean patting the back of a worried friend, waving to an elderly neighbor, or breaking a cookie in half to share with a younger brother. For older kids, kindness might be inviting a lonely classmate to join their lunch table, comforting someone who’s sad or scared, or donating some of their allowance to a cause they care about.

Whatever it means to you, it’s important to help nurture it in your children from a young age. Making our country a kinder place may seem

daunting these days, but fostering compassion in your family is entirely doable. Just focus on the considerate habits of daily life, a few concrete actions, and a little reflection thrown in for good measure. Here’s how to step up and commit to raising the next generation of truly good people.

Help them understand what kindness means.

Even before your kids are old enough to act kindly, you can start talking about it.

Empathy is hardwired in us from birth through what’s known as the mirrorneuron system, and we intuitively feel

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Having an active imagination opens the door to empathy.

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what others feel, explains psychiatrist Kelli Harding, M.D., author of The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier With the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness. It’s why your 2-year-old may burst into tears when she sees another toddler fall at the playground, and it’s a perfect opportunity to articulate that experience for her: “You feel sad because you care about your friend and she hurt herself.”

If empathy is understanding, then compassion is acting on that understanding. Kids’ ability to do that develops a bit later. “As a child’s brain develops, he can better separate you from I, and that’s when compassion

forms,” says Dr. Harding. “Toddlers are very focused on me and mine, but you can gradually help your child think about we and us by using inclusive we language yourself,” says developmental pediatrician Damon Korb, M.D. “For example, you might say, ‘What can we do today that will be fun for all of us?’ ” When kids are 3, 4, and 5, it’s a good time to start having discussions about kindness, suggests Dr. Korb, and the Golden Rule is a perfect conversational launchpad. “We treat other people the way we would hope to be treated ourselves,” you can explain to your preschooler. “You wouldn’t want someone to tease you about your

mosquito bites, so you shouldn’t tease your cousin.” Once she seems to grasp this, you can move on to the Platinum Rule, which is that we treat people the way that’s best for them, even if that’s different from what’s best for us.

To show what that means in real life, you might say to your 5-year-old, “Your brother’s going to be tired after a whole day of second grade. Should we bring him a special snack?” When she says, “Yes! Raisins!” you can remind her that’s her favorite snack and encourage her to remember his. She’ll feel both kind and proud to hand him a bag of cheese crackers, even though she herself is not a fan. At the beach, you can say to your kindergartner: “We know you like to be buried up to your neck in sand, but your sister cries when she gets sand in her sandal. Do you think she’ll like getting a bucket of it dumped over her bare legs?”

To a child who’s using the baby’s foot as a microphone while shouting the alphabet song, you can point out, “Look at your brother’s face. Does he look like he’s having fun?”

Thinking “What would that feel like?” is one of the most powerful habits we can instill in our children. “You can’t be a compassionate person unless you have an active imagination—you have to be able to step into someone else’s shoes,” says Katherine Applegate, author of awardwinning children’s books, including The One and Only Ivan and Wishtree.

Pretend play is a great way for young kids to practice empathy. You could say to your child, “Your doll fell down and bumped her head! What do you think we should do for her?” As your kids get older, you can ask them to imagine more complicated real-life scenarios as you encounter them. “I point out differences to my kids without making any judgment, so they’re able to form their own opinions,” says Dr. Korb, a father of five. “I might say, ’I wonder what it would be like to sleep outside when it’s cold.’ ” You can offer all sorts of similar opportunities for reflection: “Imagine being a kitten that was stuck up in a tree and wasn’t able to climb down.” “Imagine how hard it must be to get on the bus in a wheelchair—and

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CHEYENNE ELLIS.

Inspire their imagination.

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son is crying, although he is, but because you genuinely hadn’t realized how important it was to him. Kindness also means giving your children, especially when there are siblings in the mix, a feeling of abundance—that there is enough love, praise, laughter, and attention to go around.

It’s also valuable for your kids to see you being kind to yourself, says Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids. This means traditional sorts of self-care, such as getting enough sleep and seeking out support so that you’re not parenting from a depleted place. But it also means giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, the same way you’d offer it to anyone else. If you make a mistake, instead of berating yourself, say, “Oh, well, it’s okay—we all make mistakes.”

H OW TO E X P L A I N W H Y S O M E P E O P LE A R E LE S S FO R T U N AT E

Model kindness everywhere you go.

When it comes to raising thoughtful kids, this is the most important thing we can do, says Dr. Harding. “We can’t control their behavior, but we can look for ways to demonstrate kind behavior ourselves.” Fortunately, kids are eager to copy us from a young age, so you can model kindness from the time they’re babies. “After all, you want your 18-month-old to imitate hugging someone who’s sad,” says Dr. Korb. As they get older, your kids will watch how you treat people, from subtle interactions, such as putting your phone down to make eye contact and say thank you, to more tangible acts of kindness, like inviting a lonely person to share a holiday, bringing a meal to a sick neighbor, comforting the bereaved, and donating time and money to take care of people in need.

Of course, it matters how we treat our children too. As Dr. Harding puts it, “Our intuition tells us a lot about kindness.” This means trusting empathy over whatever parenting “shoulds” are in your head. That might look like keeping your baby in your arms because she just wants to be held or like returning to the store to buy a little someone that Lion King pencil after all—not because your

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T H A N YO U A R E At this time of year, we often express kindness by giving to those in need.

Donating to a toy drive can inspire kids but also confuse them. Depending on the age or maturity of your child, try one of these explanations.

T O A YO U N G C H I L D

“We’re really lucky and we have enough money to buy you toys. But every family is different and some families don’t have money for gifts. Let’s help out by buying a few toys for them. Can you help me pick something out?” (If Santa comes to your house, then you might say: “Santa gives some of the presents, but parents are responsible for the rest.”)

TO AN OLDER CHILD

“People have different amounts of money for different reasons.

It’s not just about how hard you work or how valuable your skills are.

But all kids deserve to get something special, and we’re so lucky to be able to help.”

T O A C H I L D OV E R 1 0

When your child is able to grasp the bigger picture, you can talk about systems of injustice and economic inequality so they see their own relative privilege in the scheme of a world that does not offer the same opportunities to everyone.

Encourage kind habits.

Help your children match the somewhat abstract concept of kindness with the many concrete verbs that enact it: sharing, volunteering, giving, including, comforting, supporting, championing, compromising, listening, and noticing when someone could use help—a classmate with a math problem, a family member with a chore, an older person who needs a seat on the bus. These habits intersect with etiquette, since gracious actions like saying please and thanking the school-bus driver also help cultivate kindness and make the world a happier place. Dr. Harding calls these small practices microkindnesses and says they add up to something enormous.

Your kids can always ask themselves, “What can I do at this moment that could add kindness to the situation?”

Ideally, we want to develop a positive vibe around the practice of kindness, rather than scolding our kids when they make inevitable mistakes. So when your kids are kind, catch them at it—and reinforce their behavior: “What a kind thing to do! You gave your cupcake to your sister to make her happy!”

Understand that kindness isn’t always easy.

We should remind ourselves and our kids that kindness is hard sometimes, says Dr. Naumburg. “It doesn’t always

CHEYENNE ELLIS.

how grateful you would feel that a smart engineer invented the lift to make that possible!”

Over time, this type of thinking becomes automatic, and so does a child’s response to it. When she sees a kid who forgot his lunch, she knows he’s hungry, and she offers to share hers.

She volunteers at a soup kitchen. She writes a letter to the firehouse, thanking firefighters for rescuing kittens. She makes eye contact with people in a wheelchair, and she offers them a smile.

Reading a book together is another easy way to connect with your child and experience someone else’s life that might be very different from your own.

“When we read, we imagine with our heart and soul and not just our brain,” says Applegate. “Characters in a book often share their feelings in an even deeper way than they might if they were sitting right in front of you.”

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K I D S ÑVa lu e s

Pay attention to the effects of kindness.

Help your children notice how it feels to be kind—and how other people respond.

My own teenagers still remember a time long ago when they were given free Munchkins at Dunkin’ Donuts because our server was so touched by their friendly politeness. “Kindness doesn’t only have to be altruistic,” my 19-yearold son said to me recently, and he’s right. You can practice it for the rewards and because it feels good.

Similarly, you want your kids to notice when people are being kind to them, which will, in turn, engender gratitude.

Think of kindness and gratitude as two strands that twist together into the helix of your child’s happiness.

In the long run, kindness will benefit everyone—the practitioners and the recipients—in a million different ways.

That’s what Santomero calls “the kindness ripple effect,” and it couldn’t matter more.

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B O O KS TH AT S E N D TH E R I G HT M E S SAG E Your kids can read these by themselves, but reading out loud gives you a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the meaning of the stories together.

J U S T A S K ! B E D I F F E R E N T, B E B R AV E , B E YO U

By Sonia Sotomayor, illustrated

by Rafael López Looking back on her experience as a child with diabetes, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor writes about kids who have many different kinds of challenges. It reminds readers that “each of us grows in our own way, so if you’re curious about other kids, just ask!” Ages 4 to 8 THE SOMEONE NEW

By Jill Twigg and EG Keller When a snail’s garden floods, he escapes to another part of the forest to look for a new home. A chipmunk isn’t welcoming at first but then learns that “kindness is stronger than fear. And sometimes it takes very special friends to be brave enough to tell you that you’re wrong.” Ages 4 to 8 AN INVISIBLE THREAD, YO U N G R E A D E R S E D I T I O N

By Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski In this heartwarming true story, a homeless 11-year-old boy asks an ad-sales exec for spare change and ends up finding a true friend. Ages 8+ LLAMA LLAMA AND T H E B U L LY G O AT

By Anna Dewdney This is a classic rhyming story that promotes forgiveness: Gilroy Goat teases Llama Llama and other animal classmates. But with a little help from the teacher, everyone plays together nicely by the end of the school day. Ages 2 to 5 WISHTREE

By Katherine Applegate When a boy carves a hateful message about a Muslim refugee family into an old oak tree, the tree asks the birds and animals for help spreading kindness. Ages 8+ PETER ARDITO.

flow out of you naturally—but that doesn’t mean that you’re not kind.”

It can be challenging to be generous with a sibling who’s annoying you. It can be scary to stick up for a friend or a classmate who isn’t being treated right.

It can feel awkward to offer condolences to a grieving person. It can be confusing to know how to act with a person who’s differently abled, either neurologically or physically.

All we can do is gently coach our kids to remember how other people might be feeling—and then encourage them to take responsibility for whatever ways they might screw up, since apologizing is itself a form of kindness. Plus, the more that children get in the habit of behaving kindly, the more natural it will become. “Kindness really is like a muscle,” Dr. Naumburg explains.

“The more you practice saying kind things, the easier it’s going to be when it’s hard.”

KIDSÑ C ook ie s

BAKE . WR AP. G IVE!

Your kids will take pride in helping make and package these simple yet stunning sweets for all the special people in their life.

After all, everyone loves to receive homemade cookies. recipes by A N N A H E L M B A X T E R / photographs by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

PA C K & G I V E :

Tuck these cutout cookies into wax-paper bags topped with folded cupcake liners. Push a brad fastener through the liner and bag and secure at back. Flat Glassine Wax Paper Bags (4½x6¾ in.), $9 for 100; amazon.com. Silver Star Brads and Multicolor Medium Brads, $3.50 per pack; michaels.com.

LemonGlazed Sugar Cookies For recipe, see page 54.

Nestle the meringues (opposite) in a box lined with bright tissue paper.

Kraft Frame Box by Celebrate It (7x9 in.), $3, and Pink Ombre Tissue Paper, $3; Michaels stores

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Peppermint Meringues For recipe, see page 54.

KIDSÑ C ook ie s

Rainbow Rocky Road Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 20 minutes, plus chilling Makes 16 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 14 oz. white baking chocolate, chopped 3 cups add-ins, any combination of the following: colored marshmallows (chopped if large), dried apricots (quartered), roasted skin-on almonds, cookies (broken into small pieces), candy-coated chocolates, dried cranberries, yogurtcovered pretzels MAKE IT

1. Line an 8- or 9-in. square pan with wax or parchment paper, leaving extra on two sides to serve as handles.

3. Scatter over remaining toppings and refrigerate until set, about 30 minutes.

Let sit at room temperature for 10 minutes, then slice into sixteen 2-in. squares.

Store in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

PA C K & G I V E :

Lucky recipients will be thrilled to open a reusable cookie tin to sample what’s inside. Your child can decorate it with stickers or a paint pen to make this gift extra personal. Large Round Tin in white, $5; containerstore.com

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FOOD STYLING BY SUSAN SPUNGEN FOR EDGE REPS. PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART. CRAFTING BY ASHLEY TOTH.

2. Microwave chocolate in a large bowl in 30-second increments at 50% power, stirring in between, until smooth. Fold in 2 cups of the toppings. Transfer mixture to the pan, pressing lightly until even.

PERFECT FIT EVERY TIME Reynolds Kitchens® Parchment Paper makes it easy to fit any size pan.

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KIDSÑ C ook ie s

Red Velvet Snowmen Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 45 minutes, plus cooling and chilling Makes 24 cookies I N G R E DI E N T S 22/3 cups all-purpose flour 1 Tbs. unsweetened cocoa powder 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1 1/4 cups unsalted butter, softened (2 1/2 sticks) 3/4 cup sugar 1 Tbs. red gel food coloring 8 oz. white baking chocolate, chopped Candy-coated sunflower seeds, for noses Candy eyes, such as Wilton Sno-Caps, chocolate chips, or M&M’s Minis, for buttons Halved black-licorice gumdrops or jelly dots, for hats Black-licorice laces, for hat brims Airheads or Sour S’ghetti, for scarves MAKE IT

1. Line a 9x13-in. baking pan with parchment, leaving extra on the two long sides to serve as handles.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa, and salt. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, combine the butter, sugar, and food coloring until smooth and evenly colored. Add flour mixture, mixing just until incorporated. Press dough into prepared pan and chill until firm, about 30 minutes.

3. Preheat oven to 325°F. Pierce dough all over with a fork. Bake until the top looks and feels dry, 35 to 40 minutes.

Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Once cool, remove from the pan and trim the edges using a large serrated knife. Cut in half lengthwise, then cut 1-in. rectangles.

You should have twenty-six 4½x1-in. rectangles.

4. Microwave chocolate in a small bowl in 30-second increments at 50% power, stirring in between, until smooth. Spoon three rounds onto each rectangle, using the back of a teaspoon to spread into even circles. Immediately decorate with candies to make snowmen. Refrigerate until firm. Store snowmen at room temperature for 3 days or undecorated cookies in the freezer for up to 3 months.

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PA C K & G I V E :

Kids can decorate mini pizza boxes with washi tape.

The snowmen are sized to fit in the box snugly. You can crumple extra paper to fill any gaps. Kraft Mini Pizza Boxes (5 in.), $9 for eight; amazon.com. Red Polka Dot Waxed Tissue, $5 for 20 sheets; containerstore.com.

KIDSÑ C ook ie s

PA C K & G I V E :

Adorn takeout containers with holiday stickers. Clear Take Out Favor Boxes (4x3½ in.), $12 for 12; nashvillewraps.com.

Mini Christmas Icon Sticker Roll, $9; merimeri.com.

Fortune Cookies Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 15 minutes Makes 20 cookies I N G R E DI E N T S 4 oz. white baking chocolate, chopped 4 oz. semisweet baking chocolate, chopped 20 fortune cookies Sprinkles and/or nonpareils, for decoration MAKE IT

1. Microwave white chocolate in a small bowl in 30-second increments at 50% power, stirring in between, until smooth. Repeat with semisweet chocolate.

2. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Dip half of each cookie into one of the chocolates, tapping off the excess.

3. Top with sprinkles and/or nonpareils. Cool on baking sheet until set. Store decorated cookies in an airtight container at room temperature for 3 days.

Pick up fortune cookies at your favorite Chinese restaurant, or order cookies with personalized notes of kindness tucked inside at sites like MyLuckyFortune.com and FortuneCookieGuy.com.

B A K E YO U R O WN! Sc an this co de with yo ur ph on e’s ca m era fo r a ho m em ad e fo rtu ne co okie re cip e (n o ap p ne ed ed ).

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PEPPERMINT BARK COOKIES AND CREAM CHEESECAKE Prep Time: 30 min. | Total Time: 6 hours 35 min. | Makes: 16 servings (incl. refrigerating)

W HAT YO U N E E D 30 OREO Cookies, divided 1 Tbsp. butter or margarine, melted 35 starlight mints, divided 4 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened 1 cup sugar 4 eggs 1 pkg. (4 oz.) BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate 2 oz. BAKER'S White Chocolate

M AKE IT HEAT oven to 325°F. USE pulsing action of food processor to process 18 cookies until finely ground. Add butter; mix well. Press onto bottom of 9-inch springform pan.

Bake 10 min.

CRUSH 30 mints, then chop 10 of remaining cookies. Beat cream cheese and sugar in large bowl with mixer until blended. Add eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed after each just until blended. Stir in crushed mints and chopped cookies. Pour over crust.

BAKE 55 min. or until center is almost set. Run knife around rim of pan to loosen cake; cool before removing rim. Refrigerate cheesecake 4 hours.

MEANWHILE, crush remaining mints, then chop remaining cookies.

Cover baking sheet with parchment. Melt chocolates separately as directed on packages. Spread semi-sweet chocolate into thin layer on prepared baking sheet; top with tablespoonfuls of the white chocolate.

Swirl gently with spoon. Top with crushed mints and chopped cookies.

Refrigerate until firm.

BREAK chocolate bark into small pieces; sprinkle over cheesecake before serving.

Variation: Substitute 3/4 cup crushed candy canes for the starlight mints. Reserve 1 Tbsp. crushed candy for sprinkling over the swirled chocolate bark; stir remaining crushed candy into the cheesecake batter before baking as directed.

©2019 Kraft Foods

KIDSÑ C ook ie s

Active Time 40 minutes Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes, plus cooling Makes 36 cookies I N G R E DI E N T S For the cookies: 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 tsp. baking powder 3/4 tsp. kosher salt 3/4 cup unsalted butter (11/2 sticks), softened 2/3 cup granulated sugar 1 large egg 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

6. Set up a wire rack over a baking sheet.

Working with one cookie at a time, dip top side of each cookie into the glaze, gently shake off the excess, and transfer to the wire rack. Immediately sprinkle over the desired toppings. Let dry completely. Store glazed cookies at room temperature for up to 3 days or unglazed cookies in the freezer for up to 3 months.

For the glaze: 2 cups confectioners’ sugar 2 Tbs. plus 2 tsp. lemon juice (or use water) 1 tsp. finely grated zest To decorate: Shelled pistachios, roughly chopped; freeze-dried raspberries, roughly chopped; toasted shredded coconut; dried rose petals; sprinkles (optional) MAKE IT

1. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. In a large bowl, use an electric mixer to beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Mix in the egg and vanilla.

Reduce mixer speed to low and add flour mixture, beating until just incorporated.

Set a plate by the chimney with

care.

3. Shape dough into a disk, then roll out between two sheets of parchment paper until ¼ in. thick. Cut out shapes and use a small offset spatula to transfer to prepared cookie sheets. Reroll scraps and cut out.

Chill cutout shapes on baking sheets until firm, at least 20 minutes.

4. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350°F. Bake until the cookies are lightly golden brown around the edges, 11 to 13 minutes, rotating the pans halfway through. Let cool on baking sheets.

5. Once cookies are cool, make the glaze. In a small bowl, combine confectioners’ sugar with 2 Tbs. of the lemon juice (or 2 Tbs. water) and zest. Add additional juice or water 1 tsp. at a time to make a thick glaze.

For recipes and inspiration visit Pillsbury.com

Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 2 hours 20 minutes, plus cooling Makes 24 cookies I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup granulated sugar 3/4 tsp. cornstarch 1/8 tsp. baking powder 1/2 cup egg whites, at room temperature (4 large eggs) 1/4 tsp. cream of tartar 1/2 to 3/4 tsp. pure peppermint extract Natural red gel or liquid food coloring MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 225°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Place oven racks in top and bottom thirds of oven.

2. In a medium bowl, combine sugar, cornstarch, and baking powder. In a large bowl, use an electric mixer on medium speed to beat egg whites and cream of tartar until the consistency of shaving foam, about 2 minutes.

3. Increase mixer speed to high and add the sugar mixture 1 Tbs. at a time over a 2- or 3-minute period. The mixture should resemble stiff, glossy peaks.

4. Reduce mixer speed to medium and add the peppermint extract. Turn off mixer.

Drip 3 dots of food coloring into the egg-white mixture at different spots. Run a spoon through the food coloring 1 or 2 times to create streaks. (Do not overmix.

The color will continue to incorporate as you portion out the meringues.)

5. Using two spoons, dollop 2 or 3 Tbs. of the mixture per meringue onto the prepared baking sheets, leaving 2 in. between.

6. Bake, rotating the pans from top to bottom and front to back halfway through, until no longer tacky to touch, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Turn oven off and leave meringues inside to cool fully, at least 2 hours. Once cool, immediately store in an airtight container to keep crisp.

Store at room temperature for up to 2 weeks.

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A Christmas morning tradition worth slowing down for.

Savor every moment of family time with Pillsburyª Cinnamon Rolls.

Pillsbury.com

K I D S Ñ H e lp i n g

It’s Never Too Early to Volunteer Even toddlers can help their community and the world at large. Use our age-by-age guide to get started.

LE T ’ S S E T the record straight:

No child is too young to volunteer. In fact, during the toddler and preschool years, being a helper shapes a child’s developing sense of morality, says Joseph F. Hagan Jr., M.D., clinical professor of pediatrics at Larner College of Medicine at The University of Vermont, in Burlington. You can help spark lifelong altruism with these age-specific ideas from experts, families, and in some cases, kids themselves.

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AGES 2 TO 4

Pick wildflowers with your child, bundle them up, and together give the bouquet to a friend, a family member, or a neighbor who could use cheering up.

Encourage him to notice a child playing alone and have him ask to join in.

Pick out nonperishables from your cabinets together and pack a box for your local

food bank. You could also consider starting a reverse Advent calendar, having your child put one item in a box every day leading up to Christmas. Dairy products and lean proteins are in high demand, so shelf-stable milk, peanut butter, and canned tuna are good to grab.

Take advantage of your toddler’s love of sorting, and ask her to help put recyclables into your bin. It’s a good chance to remind yourself of the types of plastics and papers that can and can’t be recycled.

Set up two coin jars in his room and give him change to collect. When they're full, help him choose one gift that you know a friend needs and one treat for being kind.

Write “Thank you!” on cards for your preschooler to color. Carry them with you to give to workers or veterans you encounter.

Decorate paper lunch bags and holiday-themed place mats together, then help add a special touch to deliveries by donating your crafts to Meals on Wheels or a local nursing home.

STYLING BY ANNIE NICHOLAS FOR ENNIS INC. GROOMING BY MEL PALDINO FOR ENNIS INC.

by K A I T L I N L O W E / photograph by L U CY S C H A E F F E R

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GRYPH & IVYROSE

K I D S Ñ H e lp i n g

THESE KIDS S TA R T E D CHARITIES!

AGES 5 TO 7

Encourage your child to assemble an “activity box” with toys he’s outgrown, then donate it to a social-services center, Boys & Girls Clubs of America, or a local Y.

Check out the DIY donation ideas at AntiCruelty.org, where you can find easy tutorials for making dog and cat toys for animal shelters. Dropping them off with a can of food or a bag of kitty litter is extra useful.

Help your birthday kid select a cause she cares about, make a collection box, and ask classmates and neighbors for donations. If you’re throwing a party, use KidsCanGiveToo .com to send invites and collect money for a charity.

Choose his favorite of 100-plus threatened and endangered animals at WorldWildlife.org. He can draw pictures of the animal in exchange for donations from friends and family, then “adopt” it and a plush toy.

Set up a hot-chocolate stand to raise money for your child’s charity of choice. “Your kid can make a sign letting customers know what she’s raising money for and why she believes in it,” suggests Aubre Andrus, author of 101 Small Ways to Change the World.

Seek out a local animal shelter that offers a reading program. Many ASPCAs and Animal Humane Society locations allow kids to practice their reading skills with dogs and cats that need some interaction.

Collect old books and help him build a lending library outside your home; get details

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Nate Hyland

Ryan Hickman

Khloe Thompson

H I S C AU S E :

H I S C AU S E :

H E R C AU S E :

Baby Food Fund

Ryan’s Recycling

Khloe Kares

After noticing donation boxes at cash registers, 6-year-old Nate decided to make his own in hopes of helping the hungry. He collected $30 by asking for contributions from friends and family who visited his home. Nate’s mother, Sarah, suggested he narrow his cause to a specific group. As they were dropping off baby food at a local shelter, a woman entered with her baby. “That was it for Nate,” Sarah says. “He saw a baby who he could help directly.” Nate started the Baby Food Fund with his mom’s help. “Instead of saying ‘You’re only 6’ or ‘Why don’t you wait until you’re older?’ I listened to what he wanted,” Sarah adds. Now age 12, Nate has delivered 1 ton of baby food to his county’s food bank.

When Ryan was 3, his father, Damion, took him on an errand to their neighborhood recycling center. “He loved it,” Damion says. “He told me he wanted to go back.” The next day, Damion asked his neighbors to save their recyclables for him so he could return to the center.

“I just thought it was fun,” Ryan says, “and I wanted to keep recycling and recycling ... and recycling!” Now age 10, he’s recycled more than 625,000 cans and bottles. Ryan’s Recycling has donated nearly $10,000 to the Pacific Marine Mammal Center, in Laguna Beach, California. His next goal?

“I bet I could reach a million cans and bottles in a couple of years,” Ryan says.

While in fourth grade, Khloe asked her mom about a homeless woman she saw every day on her way to school.

“When my mom told me how people become homeless, I knew I had to do something to help her,” she says. With her parents, Khloe got busy on her sewing machine and made a tote bag. When she was done, she filled it with personalhygiene products such as soap, deodorant, socks, wipes, and feminine products, and gave it to the woman. Khloe, now 12, has made more than 5,500 “Kare Bags” for the homeless and founded a charity, Khloe Kares. She has also expanded her efforts on a global scale in Ghana, installing water pumps and bathroom facilities.

together encouraging your congressional leaders to support conservation policies that protect this species.

Box, and have your child write a letter of support. Find a free label to ship donations at OperationRefugeeChild.org.

Assist him in setting up a beach cleanup with his friends. Look together at the tips at OceanConservancy .org. Search for volunteer opportunities at the U.S. National Parks (nps.gov).

Tell your child about a local political rally. Discuss why a cause is worth your advocacy, then make a sign and attend the event together.

at LittleFreeLibrary.org. Your neighbors can stop by to collect and share books for free.

Or find Head Start locations near you (headstartprogram .us) and ask if they need used children’s books.

AGES 8 AND UP

Visit the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s website (fws.gov) to learn about endangered species in your state. Ask your child to choose an animal to draw and write a letter

Learn how she can help start a school-supplies drive with friends and family through the Kids in Need Foundation (kinf.org).

Solicit contributions of unused clothing and personalcare items for a Refugee Hope

PIN THESE IDEAS! Scan this code with your phone’s camera for a pin of all the ways your kid can volunteer (no app needed).

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

Before a big haircut, ask your child if she’d like to donate to Locks of Love, an organization that makes free wigs for people who have lost their hair due to an illness. She’ll need at least 10 inches of extra length secured in a ponytail holder and a donation form (go to locksoflove.org).

HOW DO YOU SAY,

“THANKS FOR BEING MY FURRY BFF”?

TM

ALL NATURAL

REAL CHICKEN

KI D SÑA dv i c e

Help Kids Understand Hate In an era rife with division, bias incidents darken our news feeds and escalate our anxiety. We asked leading experts how parents can shield their children from—and shepherd them through—a world that seems hell-bent on hate.

by K AT I E A R N O L D - R AT L I F F / illustrations by A N D R E A D e S A N T I S

T H I N K B AC K

to when you were small, when you first noticed that some people differed from you. You noticed but didn’t much care. At school or on your block, you’d hang with anyone who wanted to play, whether or not their skin, religion, physical ability, or family was like yours.

You knew the streetlight’s glow meant dinnertime, the bell’s trill meant recess’s end, and that differences between people were real but benign, value-neutral.

So it rattled your little world to learn that for some, difference inspires disgust, rage, hatred. You learned this slowly, over

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years. From the way your uncle sneered at the boys on the corner; from an adult’s whispered joke when she thought you couldn’t hear or understand. (Adults always underestimate what kids hear and understand.) Maybe you learned about difference because you had to: “There are people who don’t like us because of who we are,” your dad said, “so we must be careful.” And eventually, you learned, from footage of cops clubbing a crouching man or from Anne Frank’s diary, that there are people who so loathe difference they will hurt or kill over it.

Now adult-you sees hate—racism, misogyny, anti-Semitism, homophobia, transphobia—enjoying a grotesque golden age. You worry that your child will soon learn the same sad truths you did, except earlier, more terrifyingly.

You worry that when he’s alone in his bed or quiet in the car, he’s thinking not of Saturday’s cartoons but of yesterday’s carnage, trying to make sense of some grisly headline that tore across the screen before you could change the channel. You worry that what he sees could someday change

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him—that he might begin to believe hateful things too.

But the hopeful news—and we could all use some—is that you can counter hate’s insidious reach. We asked experts in child psychology and the fight against bigotry for guidance about putting malevolent events and beliefs into context, dispelling little ones’ misapprehensions, and empowering your kids to be forces for good.

AGES 0 TO 6 In these early years, your task is to lay positive groundwork, addressing hate by cultivating its opposite—compassion and tolerance. Luckily, your child has a head start: an innocent indifference to what sets people apart. “Kids are very aware of ways we differ, but they aren’t born identifying people with a particular race, gender, or ethnicity,” says David Schonfeld, M.D., professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement.

“They don’t naturally discriminate.”

The hope is that kids who grow up in communities that are ethnically, socioeconomically, or otherwise diverse will have acceptance baked into their worldview. That’s not guaranteed, but studies show it does help. If your child has little exposure to people who don’t look or live like her, though, experts advise bringing the world home: Study other cultures together by eating their foods and watching their films. Urge your child’s teacher to build multiculturalism into her curriculum. Speak your mother tongue if you are bilingual, or encourage your child to study another language.

A 2014 University of Chicago study revealed that children who hear multiple languages in daily life are more accepting of people whose language differs from their own—which is a stepping-stone toward a broader spirit of acceptance.

You don’t need to preemptively lecture a kid this age on the evils of bigotry. (“I don’t know that I’d sit down with a

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3-year-old and say, ‘Let’s talk about racism,’ ” says Dr. Schonfeld.) But if the need for a conversation arises, have it.

“In 2017 we were seeing a wave of bomb threats at Jewish community centers,” says Jinnie Spiegler, director of curriculum and training at the AntiDefamation League. “On the news you’d see very small kids evacuating from these facilities. Surely, they knew something was wrong and were afraid. So of course you’d want to talk about it with them.”

This may seem impossible—exploring violent anti-Semitism with a toddler?—but the key is to keep the scope and language manageable. “You’d say something like, ‘The person doing this must be very angry,’ ” Dr. Schonfeld says. “ ‘But we use our words to solve problems.’ ” However odd the conversation feels, silence is worse.

“Imagine you’re a 4-year-old and you notice Dad is looking at his phone, that he’s upset and people seem worried, and no one is telling you why,” says Spiegler.

“Think how scary that would be.”

AGES 6 TO 8 Discussing hate explicitly becomes easier at this age, but don’t think it has to be a hyperformal Very Important Talk.

“Families talk about these issues all the time without realizing it,” says Allison Briscoe-Smith, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Berkeley, California, who specializes in addressing trauma in children and the study of how children understand race. “Little kids are very attuned to what’s fair and not fair. That’s a strong basis for discussing injustice.”

Let your child be your guide.

Kids this age can articulate their feelings, so the onus to direct the conversation needn’t—and shouldn’t—be entirely on you. “Ask her how she understands what she’s hearing,” says Dr. BriscoeSmith. What are people saying on the playground? What has she seen on TV? You’ll be able to keep the conversation at the right level—of reassurance, honesty, and detail.

Also key: Don’t overdo it. “Be simple, brief, and as honest as you can be,” says Spiegler. If you feel a reflexive urge to downplay—“What happened at the garlic festival could never happen here”—avoid it. An empty promise sounds a lot like dismissiveness, and if she has fears about these events, she’ll feel you’re not taking them seriously. Instead, says Dr. BriscoeSmith, “tell her what you do know for sure: that you love her, and that there are adults working to keep her safe.”

Kids can have a quirky, literal view of the world, and they may ask something seemingly bizarre but crucial to their understanding. “When I told my then 8-year-old daughter that Osama bin Laden had been killed, she asked me, ‘Where’s his body?’ ” says Spiegler. “It was an odd question, but you can’t trivialize what they genuinely want to know.”

You may also learn that your child has misunderstood part of what’s occurred,

T O U G H TA L K Scan this code with your phone’s camera to read an essay about how one parent explained racism to her young son (no app needed).

perhaps anxiously inflating the event to outsize proportions. But for every worry like “We can’t go to Walmart; people get shot there,” there is a calming response.

You could say, “I understand why you’d think that, but that was a particularly unusual event, and it’s really unlikely to happen again.”

AGES 9 TO 11 Child psychologists say that helping kids process scary events has become a very different task in recent years.

The ubiquity of technology gives kids unprecedented exposure to information they don’t possess the maturity to make sense of. “The advice used to be: Turn off the TV; don’t allow kids access to images of death,” says Dr. Briscoe-Smith. “But by 9 or 10, they have phones. They’ll see it there and on the dozens of other screens they encounter. So we have to help them understand what they see and hear.”

Even with safety settings, upsetting news—and abhorrent views—will reach your child. Says Dr. Briscoe-Smith, “My kids tell me that students at their school tease Latino kids about ICE: ‘You better run, ICE is gonna get you.’ Research shows that in recent years there’s been an uptick in racialized bullying. So I ask, ‘What are people talking about at school, what’s your phone saying?’ ” This sort of inquiry is necessary, particularly if you have a child who isn’t naturally forthcoming. “You can’t count on your kids to bring up troubling things with you,” says Spiegler. “You need to ask.

Rumors spread like wildfire at school and online. So help them fill in the gaps.

‘I’m not sure it happened that way in Charlottesville,’ you can say, before explaining how it did happen.”

At this age, your child may also start to pick up on biased views among those he knows and loves. Grandma posts a homophobic meme; your neighbor goes off at the barbecue about the need for a border wall. Your child may rightly be confused: He cares for this person, but her beliefs differ from his family’s.

Address these disparities. “Keep your language neutral,” says Dr. BriscoeSmith. “ ‘We love Grandma, and we think differently from her. She’s come to her conclusions, but we’ve come to different ones.’ ”

TWEENS AND TEENS As kids prepare to exit childhood, they cement their sense of identity, laying a foundation for who they will become. As we’ve seen in the news, this age can be a tipping point. Many kids, even most, will choose a life of acceptance, compassion, and respect for fellow human beings.

Others will travel a darker path.

If you witness your child engaging in biased thinking or hate speech, whether

Bring the News to Their Level Teachers use Time for Kids, the weekly junior edition of Time, to keep students abreast of the news. But it isn’t just one magazine—it’s many. There’s a version for kindergartners and first-graders; one each for second-, third-, and fourth-graders; and one for fifth- and sixth-graders, the content adjusted for each group. In other words, the staff knows a thing or two about meeting kids where they are when discussing tough topics. Time for Kids editor-inchief Andrea Delbanco revealed some of the principles the editors uphold.

Are we doing more harm than good by bringing this up? Will it foster anxiety, or understanding? For second grade and below, we almost always steer clear of anything difficult.

What’s the least scary, most reassuring way to explain this? We’ve covered just one school shooting, and only for older readers. It was Parkland, well after the event had passed, with a focus on the activism the students had undertaken in the aftermath.

How can we give them the context to understand this? Kids need you to assume no prior knowledge. If we run a story about protests in Hong Kong, we start with “Where’s Hong Kong?” No information is too basic or obvious.

What action can we encourage them to take? Kids believe they can make an impact—they don’t have that hopeless, boats-against-the-tide feeling adults get. We want to nurture that.

online or in life—and yes, even kids of socially aware, justice-minded parents do so—speak up. “Adolescents are trying to develop their own values,” says Dr. Briscoe-Smith. “You say, ‘We’re not on the same page on this—so what do you believe?’ ” Remember that teenagers often fail to see things in their full complexity.

“Stereotypes are oversimplifications,” says Spiegler. “If your child is buying into them, it’s your job to help him complicate his thinking, to see nuances he’s not appreciating.” She has a few pointers: “It’s a tightrope walk. You want to keep the conversation open but make it clear you don’t condone bias or stereotypes: ‘I don’t think that way, and I don’t think what you’re saying is respectful.’ Or: ‘I used to think that way, but then I read X or learned Y.’ Even if he doesn’t seem to, he’s hearing what you say.”

Other kids may, when confronting these vexing issues, feel compelled to act.

This is a powerful impulse, and parents should support it. “It doesn’t have to mean starting a foundation,” says Dr. BriscoeSmith. “It can be, ‘I’m going to do one kind thing today,’ or even, ‘I haven’t been sleeping well because I’m upset, so I’m going to make sure I get some sleep.’ ” Taking action also offers a sense of control. “Activism gives you agency,” says Spiegler. “It’s scary to see terribleness in the world, and if you feel you’re contributing and connecting with people who feel as you do, you’re reassured.”

None of this is easy, of course. You may stumble—after all, these issues are as complex as they are troubling. But in this as in all things, your best tool is your instincts. Says Spiegler, “Every parent, child, and situation is different.

But we know our kids and what they can handle.” It’s okay to let your child see that you, too, are reacting to these scary times. “If we don’t show that we’re upset, our kids will feel abnormal for being upset,” says Dr. Schonfeld. “We can’t teach coping skills if we pretend we never need to cope.”

These conversations may not be comfortable, but they will be necessary.

As Dr. Schonfeld says, “We can’t just teach our kids what’s easy—we need to teach them what’s important.”

KIDSÑ C r a f t s

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Start with a stash of shatterproof balls, then let the kids go to town decorating them. Here are three ideas they’ll love.

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by C AY L I N H A R R I S photograph by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

Have your child cover the surface of the ornament with one color of washi tape. Then wrap a few stripes of contrasting colors on top; the slightly see-through tape creates a cool effect when layered. Smooth the tape down, but don’t get too crazy trying to get it to lie perfectly flat (the rounded surface makes it impossible).

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Big kids can draw sweet or silly faces with oil-based paint pens. To prevent smudging, try to work in sections, moving from left to right. Simple shapes like circles and squiggles are easiest for younger kids to draw themselves.

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PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS.

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Colorful dot stickers are a simple way to customize a plain sphere. Even a preschooler can do this well! Pick a color theme (warm hues, red and green, shades of blue), and let your child play with the size and placement of the dots.

Or for a more elegant look, use only gold glitter circles on a metallic ball.

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Find a gift your kids will love at Target. Let them create wrapping paper to add a bit of holiday cheer.

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“We love her so much, she even has her own Christmas stocking!”

Charlotte, 8, and her Persian cat, Chantilly, 3 photograph by M E I TA O

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LUXE B LU S H These gorgeous Chantecaille Philanthropy Cheek Shades ($40 each; chantecaille.com) deliver a subtle skinbrightening flush.

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Stock up on hair care for your family: $1 from every Garnier Whole Blends Holiday Kit ($10; walmart.com), which includes shampoo, conditioner, and a leave-in treatment, goes to UNICEF to provide education to children in need.

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Start with your legs.

Lie on your back with the roller under your thighs just below your buttocks. Twist the flesh on one thigh by moving your leg back and forth in a figure-eight motion for up to a minute. Then pause to let the weight of your thigh compress into the roller.

Repeat these actions for your midthigh and lower thigh. Be sure to flip and do the other leg too! Or try doing both at once.

Move to your upper back.

If you often sit hunched at a desk or stand over a changing table, your roller can help you open up your chest area and improve

your spinal alignment. Lie on your back with your knees bent and the roller perpendicular to your spine at about where your bra hits. Without arching your back or neck, slowly expand your rib cage over the roller as you inhale. On your exhale, make a shh sound to engage your core. Repeat three times. To release lower-back tension, place the roller along your spine and do the same inhale and exhale while bending to the right and left.

End with your hips.

Extended sitting or repetitive motions (like running or biking) can compress your lower back. Lie on your back with your knees bent, and place the roller under your pelvis. Bring your knees to your chest and gently rock your hips from side to side four or five times to release tension. Then place one foot on the ground, cross the opposite ankle over your thigh, and bring your legs into your chest for a hip stretch.

Repeat on the other side.

—Emily Elveru

A CAU T I O N A B O U T B R E A S T F E E D I N G + K E TO The ketogenic diet is a high-fat, low-carb plan in which your body metabolizes fat instead of carbs as energy, says Pegah Jalali, R.D., a pediatric dietitian in New York City. If you’re nursing, ask your ob-gyn before trying it, since research hasn’t yet shown how it can affect your milk or your baby’s development. Also, both keto and nursing increase your need for fluids and electrolytes, so you’ll require even more if you do both.

Not drinking enough will decrease your milk supply. —Shannon M. Bauer

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Birth-giving bodies go through so much—so why do we treat postdelivery care like an afterthought?

As any vaginal-birth veteran can tell you, the provisions you need to take care down there after the baby arrives—disposable undies, witch hazel pads, benzocaine foam—are traditionally swiped from the hospital or hastily bought at a drugstore in an exhausted haze. Not any more, if the Frida company has its say. The Frida Mom Labor and Delivery + Postpartum Recovery Kit ($100; fridamom.com) includes a soft gown and socks for labor, a peri bottle, instant-ice maxi pads (praise!), and more for all that comes after. Buy it for yourself or for any momto-be who’d like to actually have what she needs—no hospital thievery required.

—Katie Arnold-Ratliff

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: STUDIO FIRMA/STOCKSY; PETER ARDITO; PRISCILLA GRAGG.

mu scles!

YOU CAN’T SHUT DOWN YOUR NEIGHBORS BUT YOU CAN SHUT DOWN YOUR COLD SYMPTOMS

IMAG IN E KIN D N E S S Do what you love and make the world a better place. No one does just that quite like Dan Reynolds, front man for the band Imagine Dragons, and his wife, musician Aja Volkman. Editor-in-chief LIZ VACCARIELLO sat down with the power couple to discuss how they are building a family—and launching a movement —rooted in generosity and acceptance. photographs by A R I M I C H E L S O N

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YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

From left: Arrow, 7, Coco, 2, Dan, Gia, 2, and Aja, pregnant with Valentine.

wrapped around his L I Z : Instant connection.

7-year-old daughter, Arrow, and the A JA : Except there was a lot more to it. other pulling a wagon that carries his He’s from an extremely religious family.

2-year-old twins, Gia and Coco, Dan I had a really strong LGBTQ friend base.

Reynolds is the picture of suburban To my best friends, Dan represented fatherhood. He’s also the magnetic lead everything that, at the time, kept them vocalist of Imagine Dragons, a band from getting married themselves. with a Grammy to its name and DA N : On paper, we could not be together. multiple top ten singles, including the But music helped Aja and me stick it out.

2012 anthem “Radioactive” and 2017’s I’d create half a song and email it to her, pump-up jam “Thunder” and paean and she’d write her response. The songs to pain “Believer.” But at home, in were about how we could not be together Las Vegas, with his children and but couldn’t be apart either. his wife, singer-songwriter Aja Volkman, the 32-year-old crooner “I have so is calm and contemplative. He much gratitude because I has big hopes and dreams not learned to be just for his career and his family fearless,” but for humanity.

Volkman says.

Reynolds grew up in Nevada as a Mormon but began to struggle with his religion after he returned from his mission. While he’s still a member of the church, he now questions some of its doctrine and has fought to change it. In 2017, he invited other musicians to perform in a fund-raising concert that he dubbed LoveLoud. The event, now in its third year, aims to help the Mormon community love, support, understand, accept, and celebrate LGBTQ+ friends and family.

Weeks before the October 1 birth of their son, Valentine, I sat down with Dan and Aja for a deeply personal conversation about their relationship, their work, parenthood, and their quest to spread love, kindness, and healing.

L I Z : This is so romantic.

L I Z : Let’s start at the beginning.

DA N : My mom was like, “You can’t marry How did you meet? someone who’s not Mormon.”

DA N : Nearly ten years ago, Imagine A JA : But they liked me. I felt comfortable Dragons opened for her band, Nico Vega. with his family—they’re angelic. I A JA : This blond ray of sunshine bounced converted. We got married in a chapel up to me, and one of the first questions and, a year later, married in the temple. out of his mouth was, “What do you I was not this transparent Mormon girl, think happens after this life?” but I am spiritual. My parents raised DA N : She was like, “Let’s sit down me to forge my own belief structure. and talk.”

DA N : That was a foreign concept to me.

A JA : I think we were the only two sober I tend to be all in or out. So when I met people in the club. He’s Mormon, and I Aja, it was good for me to learn that I was burned out on party life. could respect my culture but have my DA N : I wasn’t trying to impress her, own version. but her lyrics were very existential. We A JA : That’s called agency, and though it’s stayed up all night talking. what most people preach, not all practice WITH ONE ARM

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it. Also, I should add that Dan has an incredible moral compass. He knows what’s right and wrong.

You understand each other.

DA N : And that naturally turned into our philanthropy. We hold LoveLoud in Utah, in a very Mormon community, to open hearts to LGBTQ youth.

A JA : People come up to us and say, “This has meant the world to me.”

DA N : We meet parents who say, “My child came out to me because of LoveLoud, and now our family is stronger.” That feels incredible.

LIZ:

How does this all play out in raising your kids?

A JA : We want them to understand that everybody believes something different. But we’re the same inside. That’s our common thread.

DA N : Our concern is that they’re good people who are mentally and physically healthy.

A JA : And we think a lot about how to give back what we have.

LIZ:

L I Z : You started your family right away.

A JA : Arrow was born a little over a year after we were married, when Imagine Dragons got big seven years ago.

DA N : I was dealing with serious depression. My therapist asked, “Has anything changed?” I was like, “I just got married. Just had a baby. I’ve been going through an existential crisis. My band just blew up and we’re on tour. I’m supposed to be gone for the next year.”

A JA : I started making less music and grappling with who I am and who I used to be. That’s the beauty and the hard part of parenting. How do you harmoniously raise children and be a creative artist?

The working-parent dilemma.

A JA : I sacrificed so many things, he was away, and we both had an identity crisis.

Neither of us could feel fully committed to playing music or being a parent.

DA N : I was thinking, “What am I living for? What am I grounded to?” I had been LIZ:

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YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

“You’ll never change someone’s mind by screaming at them, and you’ll never make change if it’s only about you,” says Reynolds.

YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

You separated after the twins were born, right?

A JA : I released a solo record before Gia and Coco were born, then I was home with all three girls. Meanwhile, Dan was struggling and I wanted to fix him. But we didn’t know what to fix.

DA N : I felt like I was floating, with no foundation.

A JA : He was questioning everything and back to feeling that if one thing is not true, then nothing is true.

DA N : It was all crumbling in on me. I didn’t know about this marriage. I didn’t know about this band. I didn’t know about Mormonism. I didn’t know about anything. I just had to destroy it all.

LIZ:

Dan, you were also in severe physical pain all that time.

A JA : We always underplay that, but it was one of the hardest parts.

DA N : In all the craziness, I was diagnosed with AS [ankylosing spondylitis, a chronic inflammatory disease that causes severe lower-back pain].

A JA : It was so scary. Do you remember when I bought you a cane? We were going to go to the movies, and it took us 45 minutes to get from the car to the door. Then we turned around because he wasn’t able to sit in a theater chair.

DA N : I went to doctor after doctor.

Misdiagnosis is typical with AS. And at that time we didn’t have health insurance; we were broke musicians.

I finally found a rheumatologist who zeroed in just by asking questions, like “Does the pain get worse at night? Do regular painkillers help?” Now I partner with the Monster Pain in the AS campaign, which has a three-minute quiz [at monsterpainintheas.tumblr.com] to help identify symptoms. Hopefully, others can skip what I went through.

LIZ:

best things that ever happened to you.”

And I’d say, “You’re insane, this is way too hard.” It was my apocalypse. But sure enough, I have so much gratitude now because I learned to be fearless and to not compromise. Also, the one thing that never faltered is how much we love our children. We didn’t speak much to each other for seven months. Then we started dating again. We got a second chance at our marriage.

DA N : Now we have a fourth kid. To me, that’s plenty good. I don’t need nine kids. I remember our first week with our first baby, Arrow, just crying together.

A JA : Any parent I see, I immediately respect on a deep level for being in the trenches. Parenting has been the most thrilling, fulfilling part of our relationship and our life. Marriage is work. Keeping a family together is a lot of work.

Yet, through all of this, you’ve been doing so many other things.

DA N : When the band began, we had a young fan going through chemo, and LIZ:

Meanwhile, the world was rooting for you guys.

A JA : From the minute he was gone, my soul had a hole in it. People said, “You’re going to remember this as one of the

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The couple’s first son was born on October 1. (He was in Aja’s belly at our photo shoot!) “My heart just exploded for the fourth time,” Aja wrote on Instagram that day.

our song “It’s Time” was his cancer song.

We became close, and when he passed, the band started the Tyler Robinson Foundation in his name.

A JA : It helps families with unforeseen costs that surround cancer.

DA N : Our road has led us to things that we’re passionate about. LoveLoud has raised millions of dollars for LGBTQ charities, such as The Trevor Project crisis hotline [866-488-7386] for young people to call when they feel like they don’t have support at home, and the Tegan and Sara Foundation, which raises awareness and funds for LGBTQ issues and sends kids to camps where they can find refuge while they’re figuring out their sexual identity.

You’ve engaged your audience in such a bipartisan way.

A JA : We find that middle line where things don’t have to be polarizing. We’re talking about love, not about what you think is right. Love is universal.

DA N : You’ll never change someone’s mind by screaming at them, and you’ll never make change if it’s only about you.

LIZ:

LIZ:

Dan, you’ve said that if Mormon leaders won’t change the doctrine, you’ll fight to change the culture.

DA N :

When there’s a point of critical mass with millions agreeing that something needs to change but a few powerful figures aren’t making that change, what do you do?

A JA :

LIZ:

MEET VA LE N TI N E !

You educate people and get them involved. There are other issues we’re ready to jump on right now, such as gun violence.

And now here’s Arrow, home from school.

A JA : Why do you have a blue mouth?

A R R O W: I got a Slurpee because I got caught being kind at school.

DA N : Well, that’s fitting.

LIZ:

L I Z : I’m interviewing your parents about kindness!

A R R O W: There was a little kid who grabbed my hand. He wanted to play tag with only me chasing him. So I played it his way, and I didn’t know there was a teacher watching, and she told the principal, and the principal announced it.

A JA : Good job!

A R R O W: And then I got my Caught Being Kind Bracelet from my teacher.

DA N : That’s cool.

LOVELOUD: JEROD HARRIS/GETTY. VALENTINE: COURTESY OF THE FAMILY.

leaning on family, so when I was without them because I was on the road, everything fell apart. The depression was debilitating. Then our marriage fell apart, and we separated.

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YO U Ñ I n s p i r a t i o n THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!

My Parenting Motto Is …

We asked you to sum things up in a phrase — and your descriptions moved and inspired us beyond measure.

Here are six winning stories.

“Don’t Give Up” Joy Mermelstein Trumbull, CT

My mom didn’t say this to me as much as she shouted it. She made me promise. On her head was a chic scarf, and her eyebrows were neatly crafted back into existence thanks to her trusty Maybelline. Cancer had taken so much, but not her ferocity to protect her children in a life that would soon be without her. Little did I know she was bestowing on me the words I would need to survive the most difficult time of my life. I expected my mother to die. Her cancer was rare and untreatable, so it was logical that her body would lose its hard fight to a rogue cell. What I did not expect was my son’s epilepsy.

Months after I buried my mother, I was in an ambulance racing to the nearest E.R. with my 2-year-old son. He’d had a seizure. The first of many. I ran down the hall and promised my unconscious toddler I would not give up. In the year since his diagnosis, I’ve said these simple and perhaps cliché words to myself everywhere: in the hospital where we spent our days, in pharmacies fighting for his medication, during school meetings where I lobbied for the care he deserves. I heard my mom’s words in my ears as I crossed the finish line of my first 10K. On days when I felt like quitting, these words—“Don’t give up”—resuscitated my will.

After all, a promise is a promise.

Having a family mantra can help you stay focused on the big picture.

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FAMILY: ANTENNA/GETTY. HEADSHOT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

“DON’T GIVE UP!”

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YO U Ñ I n s p i r a t i o n

“Let’s Waste Time” Molly Lopez Hudson Valley, NY A S A C H R O N I C overcommitter with a severe case of productivity-itis, I’ve found that it’s a challenge to prioritize moments of downtime for my 5-year-old son, Henry, and my 3-year-old daughter, Ella. My husband and I both work full-time during the week, and our weekends are captured by day trips, dance classes, soccer practices, and birthday parties. Time has become a treasured commodity.

Recently, Henry, Ella, and I had a rare free afternoon. As we strolled to a local playground—and I mentally made a list of ways we could fill our time afterward—Henry piped up with an idea of his own. “Let’s waste time today,” he said, big brown eyes shining with mischievous excitement. “Let’s go to the park and stay for as long as we want to, even though we have other things to do!”

Taken aback that he’d already gleaned the simple enjoyment of unscheduled time, I laughed and told him I loved that idea. Now I try to give the “Let’s waste time” philosophy its due in parenting.

We still have active weekends, but we also have precious pockets of time in which the kids drive the agenda.

Burying toes in the sandbox, sniffing garden herbs, and morphing into tickle monsters are often our top priorities.

It turns out “wasted” time is actually time well spent.

I WANT MY B OYS T O K N O W T H AT I CARE ABOUT THEIR I D E A S A N D W H AT T H E Y H AV E T O S AY.

“Real Talk” Marquita Hammock Philadelphia, PA I H AV E T W O

young sons and I talk to them all the time—to the point that my 10-year-old says, “I already know what you are going to say.” We live in a time where we are bombarded with so much information, and I feel as if I need to have certain conversations with my sons earlier than I would like to because, let’s face it, I would rather this come from me than someone else.

I don’t sugarcoat much because they need to know the truth as they become teenagers and young men.

The motto “Real talk” signifies our unwavering dedication to take time

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every day to have meaningful conversations about life, about the things that happen around us and within the community, as well as our hopes and dreams. I also encourage them to ask questions and to voice their concerns.

I realize the importance of these discussions around the dinner table, during afternoon walks, or while driving, when I think about how much technology has taken over our minds and the minds of our children. Some people can’t function without it, and to some extent it destroys the family structure. I want my boys to know that I care about their ideas and what they have to say. It’s the reason why we have two ears and only one mouth.

“Dirt Don’t Hurt” Jamie Noble Jamestown, OH

With three active, outdoorsy boys, I have learned to go with the flow! We usually spend the day trying to stay busy and burn that boy energy in the great outdoors—hiking, fishing, backpacking, canoeing, and camping.

At home we love to be outside gardening, sandbox playing, and critter finding. On every adventure there is plenty of dirt-digging, rock-turning, and bug-inspecting fun. And if we can throw in creek water or mud, all the better! After learning to appreciate all my kids’ interests and curiosities, I have learned to say “Dirt don’t hurt” ... and a good bath doesn’t either!

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

THE !

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YO U Ñ I n s p i r at i on

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Jessica Hazzard Winter Park, FL S O M E DAYS

(more like moments), I feel like Mom of the Year. But much more often, I find myself counting the minutes until bedtime and praying that I haven’t caused any

house, or takes her Elf on the Shelf on 101 adventures during Advent.

That’s just not me! I do, however, always change my son’s diapers before the blue line turns completely back to white, read bedtime stories like a pro, and take all the big things like car-seat safety very seriously.

I’m the only mom my kids will ever have, so I also try to be kind to myself and remind my mom friends to do the same. “Not the best, but certainly not the worst” may not sound like the most ambitious motto, but then again, I’m not trying to be the most ambitious. I’m just trying to be myself, survive another day, and raise two kids who will be comfortable being themselves too.

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

“Not the Best, But Certainly Not the Worst”

long-term psychological damage to my kids with one of my crazy mom rants.

Parenthood is a marathon full of both magical, heart-warming highs and guilty, tear-filled lows. The mantra that often helps me temper the roller coaster of emotion that we’re all riding is “Not the best, but certainly not the worst.”

It’s a practical reminder for me that parenting spans a vast continuum and that I’m momming somewhere solidly in the middle regardless of how fabulous or screwy that particular moment is going. It’s a good ego check on my best days and an inspirational pep talk on my worst.

I’ll never be the supermom who sews amazing Halloween costumes by hand, has a spotless (or even clean)

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“Embrace the Chaos” Rebecca Lemaitre Concord, MA AS A WOMAN WITH

Asperger’s, I very carefully avoided situations that I couldn’t control in my life pre-motherhood.

Even though I wasn’t diagnosed until after age 30, I had long known that unplanned events or deviations from my routine were enough to cause a “record skip” in my brain—if not a dreaded Aspie meltdown.

Then my son was born. While I was pregnant, I had no idea

WHEN WE SURRENDER TO W H AT W E CAN’T C O NTRO L ,

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how my brain was going to react to the intrusion of a little human into my life. I don’t know if it was the hormones or the overwhelming love or simply the responsibility that comes with keeping another person alive, but everything changed in the moment of his birth. Chaos didn’t overwhelm me anymore.

If anything, it motivated me.

If there was one thing that I soon could predict with certainty in my life with a child, it was that life was now unpredictable. Whenever I fought against that chaos, I recognized the first signs of a meltdown tingling in my brain. But what we resist persists. When I remind myself to “embrace the chaos,” my panic passes.

I’m not the first to preach such a philosophy, but I am happy to shout it from the rooftops.

When we surrender to what we can’t control, we find the beauty and the joy in even the hardest moments. I carried this philosophy forward as my son aged from baby to toddler and from toddler to preschooler, and then carried it forward again as my mother load increased from one human being to two.

Is every day with my two children chaotic and crazy and full of curveballs and surprises and things I can’t control? Of course. But is every day filled with more joy and beauty than I would have ever imagined possible? Absolutely.

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H O L I D AY I N S P O !

A Month of Magical Memories We’ve got 25 ideas for fun activities and sweet surprises to make this your family’s most meaningful season yet.

by C AY L I N H A R R I S photograph by SETH SMOOT PA R E N T S

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L I F EÑ C e l e b r a t e

MAKE IT A SEASON O F STO RY TI M E 1. Take a holiday trip to the library. Check out books like Angelina’s Christmas, Little Robin’s Christmas, and Mice Skating, which all emphasize the spirit of giving. Gift an eggnog latte to your favorite librarian on your way in.

2. Download Christmas audiobooks. Get the original Walter Matthau narration of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! and an exclusive Tim Curry reading of A Christmas Carol at

Audible.com. Listen to them on the drive to Grandma’s.

3. Try an Icelandic tradition.

Give each family member a book on Christmas Eve, and spend the rest of the night reading.

4. Read The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. Catherine Hong, who writes about children’s books as @mrslittlebooks on Instagram, recommends finding the out-of-print edition illustrated

by Gyo Fujikawa. “Her elfin, jelly-bellied, soot-smudged Santa is my favorite Santa,” says Hong.

7

Keep Special Ornaments Safe If trimming the tree with your greatgrandmother’s baubles seems too risky with a toddler running around, try these techniques that display your treasures farther from little hands and curious pets.

On the chandelier

On branches in a vase

C R E AT E TREE TRADITIONS

5. Play “I spy” with the ornaments on your tree.

To start the game, flick off the overhead lights and keep only the tree lights on. For an additional challenge, hide a favorite ornament and see who can spot it first.

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6. Gift your child an ornament every year. (Or ask a grandparent to do it!) Make it a small nod to a big moment or interest of the last year.

When your child grows up, he’ll have a collection started for his own family.

S PA R K EXCITE ME NT

8. Start a silly ritual. Holly Charlesworth, the blogger behind My Sister’s Suitcase, holds an annual Santa-beard contest for her brood. Every family member makes a “beard” with shaving cream on his or her face, no mirrors allowed.

When they’re all done, they take pictures, then hold a secret-ballot vote to determine who has the best beard.

9. Remember their inanimate friends. If your child has a beloved stuffed animal or doll, pick out a present for the toy or doll together, wrap it up, and put it under the tree for Teddy to open on Christmas morning.

10. Play tourist in your own town. Load everyone into the car in their pj’s with a thermos of hot cocoa, and go on a holiday-lights tour of the neighborhood. Take it to the next level by giving each house a score of 1 to 10 and choosing your family’s favorite front-yard display!

11. Watch the same holiday movie every year. The family of Parents contributor Jodi Levine loves the movie Elf and established a policy to watch it only once a year, with cousins, right before Christmas. To make it even more fun, they serve goofy Elf-themed foods and decorate.

AMP UP THE A N T I C I PAT I O N On wooden dowels hung on the wall

12. Write a letter to Santa.

With some help from the United States Postal Service, he’ll write back, complete with a North Pole postmark!

Find details for the Letters From Santa program at the Postal Service’s website (usps.com), including Saint Nick’s mailing address.

13

Gather colorful envelopes, washi tape, stickers, pom-poms, and stamps, and use pushpins to stick them onto a piece of corkboard. Number each envelope and place a small treat or a slip of paper with a fun holidaythemed to-do inside.

Below are 15 ideas for tiny treats.

(Psst ... save the candy for the last few days, since anything other than that may register as a disappointment once your child has gotten one piece!)

—Silver dollar or Sacagawea dollar —Mini LEGO figure —Shopkins toy —Tiny toy car or truck —Small toy animal —Wooden top —Wrapped candy —Temporary tattoo —Sticker —Lip balm —Tiny button or pin — Fortune Teller Miracle Fish —Scratch-off lottery ticket —Costume jewelry — Fancy hair elastic or barrette

photograph by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

L I F E Ñ C e l e br a t e

JOLLIFY YO U R HOME

BOND THROUGH FOOD

17

Craft a cute surprise.

Dress up your kids’ favorite toys with homemade seasonal outfits like felt scarves, elf hats, and reindeer antlers. Here’s how: S C A R V E S Cut a strip of felt that’s sized for your toy, and snip a fringe at each end.

Cut rectangles of felt the same width of your scarf and glue them to the scarf to create stripes.

E L F H A T S Cut a 21/2- to 5-in. triangle with rounded corners out of felt. Roll the triangle into a cone shape; secure with hot glue along the edge. Optional: Glue the

GIVE BACK 18. Adopt a family through a charity. Many local nonprofits run programs that let you give things to a needy family like new clothing, toys, household items, and food or grocerystore certificates. Take your kids along to shop and have them help you wrap too.

19. Make an ornament for a cause. Visit a LEGO Store between November 1 and December 31, or use your

Use two wagon wheels for the shammes (helper candle).

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point of the hat to the side of the hat. Decorate with strips of felt for cuffs and pom-poms.

A N T L E R S Download the template from parents .com/antlers and print, scaling the size to fit your stuffed animal. Cut out the template and trace onto scrapbook paper; cut antlers out. Hot-glue them onto a strip of felt, then glue strip ends together to form a band.

LEGO bricks at home to build a holiday ornament. Display it in-store, or share online with the hashtag #BuildToGive. For every ornament built and shared, LEGO will donate a LEGO set to a child in need of play.

20. Create holiday cards for hospitalized children.

You can send your homemade greetings to the nonprofit Cards for Hospitalized Kids to distribute (full guidelines at cardsforhospitalizedkids.com).

21. Bake a signature sweet.

Pick a cookie recipe your kids love and claim it as “your” cookie. Give it a goofy name, hype it like it’s a Girl Scout cookie making its annual return, and then bake it only at the holidays to keep it special.

22. Enjoy a fancy lunch. Get the kids all dressed up and take them to eat somewhere nicer than usual, suggests Kate Smith, a mom of two in Lexington, Kentucky. Not only will they look forward to it as a special occasion where they’ll have a chance to drink out of wine goblets, but they’ll also get to practice their fancy table manners for the holiday meals to come!

23. Use food as a tribute.

Honor family members who are no longer with you by making a favorite recipe, drink, or dessert that they used to cook or enjoy. While you’re preparing the recipe with your kids, take the time to tell them about the person you miss.

S L AY THE BIG NIGHT

24. Whip up reindeer food.

Have your kids work with peelers to shred carrots and celery into a fancy salad.

Let them shake on a little “reindeer dust” (aka sprinkles) for extra magic.

25. Start with a surprise. Hang a mini stocking at the foot of your child’s bed for Santa to place a tiny present in. He might also leave a clue about a bigger gift that awaits your kid downstairs. Wake up to squeals of delight!

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14. Spice up the air. For an instant holiday mood booster, brew an easy five-ingredient stovetop simmer like this one from blogger Jamielyn Nye, of I Heart Naptime. Combine cranberries, orange peels, cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, and nutmeg in a small pot and fill it with a few inches of water. Simmer on the stove, adding more water throughout the day when it gets low.

15. Let it snow—in color. Make paper snowflakes and use them to decorate the windows, but try making them with colored tissue paper instead of the usual white for a festive twist on the traditional craft.

16. Raid your pantry for this Hanukkah project. The base of the menorah is a spaghetti box painted blue. Once it’s dry, have your child glue on wagon wheels as the bottom of each candleholder, then add large rigatoni or ziti pasta.

Decorate with any additional small pasta you have on hand.

To make candles, cut paper straws down to size and twist small pieces of yellow tissue paper to form flames.

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L I F E Ñ P h i l a nt h r o p y

Meet moms and dads who started nonprofits!

“I Had to Do Something.”

Each of these parents had crazy-busy lives (just like the rest of us). But they didn’t let that stop them from taking real action when they encountered serious problems.

Their hustle, fortitude, and compassion will inspire you.

by E L I S S A S T R A U S S “ L O O K F O R T H E H E LP E R S ,”

we tell our children when scary things happen. We quote Mister Rogers to remind them (and ourselves, really) that the world is still hospitable to goodness and hope. For many, this small act of redirection is enough to feel better. But others want to be the helpers.

These fierce moms and dads identified an issue and started their own nonprofits to make a difference. Parents is donating $500 to each of these groups as a holiday gift to honor our Board of Advisors. We hope that you’ll consider contributing too.

When Miry Whitehill (center) met this Syrian refugee family, they had been living in an apartment with no furniture.

The Alawads were so grateful for Whitehill’s support that they named their baby after her a year later.

M I RY’ S LI S T “Many families who came to our country seeking a better life have fallen through the cracks.”

P U R P O S E Provide refugee families with everyday necessities and social support

2016

Five months after the birth of her second child, Miry Whitehill heard about a Syrian refugee family who had just moved to Los Angeles and wanted a bouncy jumper.

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DANNY LIAO.

FOUNDED

© 2019 The Caldrea Company. All Rights Reserved.

L I F E Ñ P h i l a nt h r o p y

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When Deborah Vauclare learned that her son would likely not live past age 10, her BFF Emily Rogath Steckler (below) started a charity to raise money to research a cure.

BISOUS FOR LÉO “I had a million questions in my head about this disease, but I couldn’t get the words out.”

P U R P O S E Fund a cure for infantile neuroaxonal dystrophy (INAD), a rare neurodegenerative disease that affects children FOUNDED

2018

Emily Rogath Steckler and Deborah Vauclare are best friends. They went

to high school and college together, then moved to New York City together.

They thought they would do everything together, until Vauclare got a job in Paris and fell in love with a Parisian. “It was a fairy tale that eventually took a sharp turn,” Rogath Steckler says.

When Vauclare’s Paris-born son, Léo, turned 1, he began to regress developmentally. Vauclare was seven months pregnant with her daughter when tests finally diagnosed Léo with INAD. “I had a million questions in my head, but I couldn’t get the words out,” she says. “I was a wreck. I had to go on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.”

Rogath Steckler happened to be in London with her kids, ages 3 and 5, when her friend received this news. She went to Paris to comfort her and took a picture of her own daughter kissing Léo. “When I came home to L.A., that photo haunted me,” she says. “I couldn’t get Léo out of my mind. I thought, ‘What if we could kiss him and make it better?’ ” About a month later, Rogath Steckler pitched her idea to Vauclare of starting Bisous (French for “kisses”) for Léo to support the INADcure Foundation. In the past year, the charity has raised more than $200,000, and celebrities like Gal Gadot, Chelsea Handler, and Eva Longoria have posted on Instagram about the cause.

But their success is tempered by the fact that Léo’s health is deteriorating.

Most kids with the disease don’t live past age 10. “A year ago, he could still walk with his walker, pull himself up, sit unaided, crawl, turn over, eat regular foods, and feed himself. Today, at age 3, he can no longer do any of that,” says Vauclare. “He wakes up screaming throughout the night. We don’t know what is bothering him or how to calm him.”

Scientists have already discovered the gene mutation responsible for the disease, one that is shared with some forms of Parkinson’s, and are using the new funding to study treatments in mice and adults who have a mutation in the same gene. Says Vauclare: “We will never give up hope.”

FROM TOP: TODOR TSVETKOV PHOTOGRAPHY; COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

Her friend had an extra, and they drove over to the family’s apartment to set it up. “The apartment was so empty, I knew something was wrong,” she says.

“I could only talk to the mom using eye contact because of the language barrier.”

Once the baby was playing, she excused herself to use the bathroom.

“I didn’t see any soap, towels, or diaper cream,” says Whitehill. “That’s when I realized this family’s needs extended way beyond a piece of baby gear.” She walked around the apartment with the family, making a list of what they needed. When she got back home, she posted the list on her local mom’s Facebook group. Everything was purchased. “This was the beginning of Miry’s List,” Whitehill says.

She began meeting other refugee families in Southern California and quickly realized that many of them come to the U.S., fleeing persecution and violence, only to find little support.

“I talked to an employee at a resettlement agency,” Whitehill recalls. “She told me that she used to be responsible for 20 families when she started her job; now she handles 200.” Whitehill wanted to help all the families slipping through the cracks but knew she couldn’t do all the list making and delivering herself.

She decided to start Amazon Wish Lists for these families so necessities could be delivered straight to their homes. Her operation grew fast, and today Miry’s List has provided 350-plus families in 13 states with material goods, along with social support like playdates and English tutoring. “I’ve never been so motivated at any job,” says Whitehill. “It gives me more energy to care for my kids.”

The Kashefis, from Afghanistan, wouldn’t have stayed in the U.S. were it not for Miry’s List. The resettlement office housed Bashir, his pregnant wife, Naseema, and their 2-year-old in a small apartment with 14 other people. On the sixth day, sick and tired, they left. They had been sleeping on the street for three nights when a neighbor told them about Whitehill. One phone call later, she set them up at a motel for a month and saw to it that three meals a day would be delivered to their room. Says Bashir, “Miry told us: ‘I am not next to you.

I am behind you, in every step of life.’ ”

Chinyere Oparah knew that pregnancy at

Chinyere Oparah’s doctors ignored her wishes. She doesn’t want that to happen to anyone else.

BL ACK WOMEN BIRTHING JUSTICE “I had to make something different happen for others than what happened for me.”

Improve black women’s pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum experiences PURPOSE

TOP: LINDA JONES. BOTTOM: COPYRIGHT © PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE, 2019, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION.

FOUNDED

2011

age 40 came with some risks. But as her doctors saw it, she was a catastrophe waiting to happen. They recommended tests and interventions that didn’t seem right to Oparah, a professor of ethnic studies at Mills College, in Oakland, California. When she tried to speak up, her doctors shut her down.

One afternoon, she and her friend Cherisse Harper began trading birth and pregnancy stories. Both were flummoxed as to why two otherwise strong, assertive women had felt so powerless during this time. What was going on?

This happened in 2010, before the bias against black women in maternity care was well documented. Black women are three to four times as likely to die from pregnancy-related complications as white women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Harper and Oparah wanted to make black women’s birth stories known, then

use these stories to push for change. They joined with other moms and birth workers to form Black Women Birthing Justice.

“I went from focusing on surviving my pregnancy to thriving with my child to realizing I had to make the experience better for others,” Oparah says.

They asked women to recall their birth stories. “Hearing these mamas brought us to tears,” Oparah says. A few years later, they published these stories in the book Battling Over Birth: Black Women and the Maternal Health Care Crisis, which they use for national political advocacy and as a resource for black women, midwives, doulas, and doctors.

One of these storytellers was Ajira Darch, who felt bullied into a C-section at age 29. Recounting this experience motivated her to become a doula. Says Darch: “I am there to remind birthing people that they don’t have to do what they’re told, that there’s time and it’s okay to wait a beat to consider the options.”

T H E A L E X I S J OY F O U N D AT I O N “My wife deserved more.

Everyone deserves more.”

Support women and families affected by perinatal mood and anxiety disorders PURPOSE

FOUNDED

2014

Alexis Joy D’Achille knew she needed

help. After the birth of her daughter, she began to feel anxious and distant.

She couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to eat. She sought treatment from her ob-gyn, the E.R., and psych units. Even after going to seven facilities, she hadn’t received the help she needed to overcome postpartum depression.

Alexis, a woman who had no previous history of depression, took her own life five weeks after becoming a mom.

Afterward, her husband, Steven, desperately wanted to find support for women like Alexis. At her funeral, he asked for donations, and $30,000 poured in. “My wife’s story resonated with people, and I felt immense pressure to give away the money quickly,” says D’Achille. “My daughter

When Steven D’Achille’s wife committed suicide shortly after giving birth to their daughter, he vowed to help other women suffering from postpartum depression.

and I moved in with my parents, and a lawyer friend set up a foundation.”

But he couldn’t find a place where he felt comfortable donating the money. Then his lawyers introduced him to doctors who worked at a hospital network in Pittsburgh.

“I was so fragile. I kept saying, ‘My wife deserved more. Everyone deserves more.’ ” He and the doctors met every week until four years later, the Alexis Joy Foundation, in partnership with the Allegheny Health Network and Highmark

Health, opened The Alexis Joy D’Achille Center for Perinatal Mental Health.

On the day of the ribbon-cutting ceremony, Heather Peterson came and begged for help. The birth of her second child had led to what seemed to be insurmountable anxiety. The doctors quickly devised a plan: She received medication and regular one-on-one therapy sessions. “Now, a year later, I feel great,” Peterson says.

“I’m able to enjoy my girls.”

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Voıce SHARE YOUR

Judy Cockerton’s charity not only removes the housing barrier that potential foster parents face, but it also makes older adults feel needed.

TREEHOUSE F O U N D AT I O N “We want to give you a village to raise foster kids.”

Create intergenerational housing communities across the country so foster-adoptive families can live alongside older adults PURPOSE

ROB DEZA.

FOUNDED

2006

Eighteen months after Judy Cockerton became a foster parent to two young sisters, she sold the small business she had nurtured for almost two decades.

“When I brought the girls home, I began reading about our foster-care system and learned that 25,000 kids age out every year before being placed with a family,” says Cockerton, a former teacher who has two biological children.

Cockerton sought to remove two of the main barriers for potential families: not having enough room in their home for foster kids, and feeling isolated. She heard about a midwestern community where foster-adoptive families live side by side with “honorary grandparents,” ages 55 and older.

The former benefit from the extra help and stability; the latter feel a sense of purpose and connection. “I flew to Illinois to see it,” she says.

“When I got back, I sought to adapt this concept for Massachusetts.”

Finding real estate was a challenge.

The homes in Illinois were purchased way below market value. Cockerton couldn’t find a deal like that. She would have to build not only community support but also the actual residences. “I set up a meeting with our state child-welfare commissioner, and he introduced me to an affordable real-estate developer who believed in our mission and vision.”

Two years later, the Treehouse Community, a 60-home village in Easthampton, opened its doors.

The homes and apartments are placed around a circle and surrounded by fields, playgrounds, and other spaces that make relationship building all but inevitable. Currently, Treehouse has 120-plus community members with a ratio of four elders to every family.

“We’re expanding in Massachusetts and to Northern California,” says Cockerton.

Before Treehouse, Mary Gomez had struggled to become a foster parent.

The single mom of two had long wanted to foster children with disabilities but was denied by the state because her apartment was too small.

After two years on the wait list, Gomez got a spot and moved in. Since then, she’s fostered eight kids. She’s also found some time for herself. Earlier this year, she took a vacation alone and started college for the first time. “When I’ve had a stressful day, I can call my elderly neighbors and say: ‘Can you please come over and watch the kids? I need to walk around the circle.’ ”

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L I F E Ñ E nt e r t a i n i n g

B R U N C H F O R YO U R H O L I D AY B U N C H

These simple, prep-ahead dishes are special enough for guests and feed at least eight. So go ahead, invite extra friends or surprise a neighbor with a plate.

by K R I S T I N D O N N E L LY photographs by G R E G D u P R E E

Pistachio-Mint Citrus Salad Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 25 minutes Makes 8 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 4 large oranges, preferably a mix of varieties, including blood oranges 2 grapefruit 2 Tbs. honey 3 to 4 Tbs. shelled unsalted pistachios, coarsely chopped Pinch of coarse salt Mint leaves, for serving MAKE IT

1. Working with one fruit at a time, cut off the top and bottom with a sharp knife so you have flat sides. Stand the fruit on one end, and cut down along the rounded sides to remove all the peel and as much bitter white pith as possible. Slice the fruit into rounds. Repeat with the remaining fruit, and arrange the rounds on a platter so they overlap.

2. Drizzle the citrus with the honey and sprinkle with the pistachios and salt. Arrange the mint leaves on top and serve.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

Prep the fruit through Step 1 and refrigerate overnight. Proceed with Step 2 just before serving.

94 calories; 2g protein; 2g fat (0 sat. fat); 20g carbs; 3g fiber; 15g sugar; 0 iron; 45mg calcium; 9mg sodium

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Prep the recipe through Step 4, then cover and refrigerate overnight. In the morning, bake as directed, adding at least 20 minutes to the baking time, until the center is hot.

Savory Breakfast Yule Log Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 45 minutes Makes 8 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 12 1/4 3/4 1 1 1 1/2 1/4

Nonstick cooking spray eggs cup milk tsp. kosher salt, divided lb. white button or cremini mushrooms small onion, coarsely chopped Tbs. olive oil tsp. dried thyme tsp. ground black pepper

1/2 cup fresh parsley leaves, finely chopped 1/4 cup sour cream 2 Tbs. finely grated Parmesan cheese MAKE IT

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line two 9x13-in. baking pans or one large rimmed baking pan with parchment paper and lightly spray the paper with nonstick cooking spray.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, and 1/4 tsp. salt.

Pour the eggs into the prepared pan(s), dividing them evenly if using two pans. Bake until set,

about 12 minutes. With the paper as a handle, transfer the eggs to a rack; let cool to warm.

3. Meanwhile, in a food processor, pulse together the mushrooms and onion in two batches until finely chopped. In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat.

Add the mushrooms, onion, thyme, remaining 1/2 tsp. salt, and pepper. Cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are softened and all the water evaporates, 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in the parsley and sour cream. Let cool to warm.

4. Position the eggs on the counter so that a short end is

facing you. Spread the mushroom mixture over the eggs, leaving a 1-in. border at the top end.

Roll up the eggs from the bottom end to form a log. Repeat with the second log, if necessary.

Transfer the log(s) to a clean parchment-lined baking pan and cover with foil.

5. Bake until the eggs and filling are hot throughout, 15 to 20 minutes. Sprinkle with the Parmesan cheese.

NUTRITION PER SERVING 159 calories;

12g protein; 11g fat (4g sat. fat); 4g carbs; 1g fiber; 2g sugar; 2mg iron; 78mg calcium; 358mg sodium

L I F E Ñ E nt e r t a i n i n g

Prep the pudding and sauce and refrigerate in separate bowls.

Assemble and serve in the morning.

Cran-Raspberry Chia Pudding Parfait Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 35 minutes, plus at least 4 hours of chilling time Makes 8 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 4 cups reduced-fat milk or unsweetened nondairy milk 1 cup chia seeds 1/2 cup pure maple syrup 1/2 tsp. cinnamon Pinch of kosher salt 12 oz. fresh or frozen cranberries (about 3 cups) 12 oz. fresh or frozen raspberries (about 3 cups) 3/4 cup sugar 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract MAKE IT

2. In a large saucepan, combine the cranberries, raspberries, sugar, and vanilla with 3/4 cup water; bring to a boil over high heat, stirring to help the sugar dissolve. Simmer over medium heat until the berries start to burst and the sauce is thick, 10 to 15 minutes. Use a spoon to mash the berries.

3. Let fruit mixture cool slightly, and then spoon 1 to 2 Tbs. of sauce into each of 8 small glasses or jars and let cool to room temperature.

4. Ladle the chia pudding into the cups. Refrigerate the glasses and remaining sauce until the pudding is thick, at least 4 hours and up to 2 days.

Just before serving, spoon the remaining sauce on top of the pudding.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

389 calories; 11g protein; 13g fat (3g sat. fat); 60g carbs; 14g fiber; 41g sugar; 4mg iron; 382mg calcium; 76mg sodium

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PIN THE RECIPES! Scan this code with your phone’s camera to save these treats onto your own Pinterest board (no app needed).

FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY CHRISTINE KEELY.

1. In a large bowl, whisk together the milk, chia seeds, maple syrup, cinnamon, and salt. Refrigerate while you make the fruit sauce.

At Special K, we keep it real—as in real fruits, nuts and granola clusters—because we know only real ingredients make really delicious bowlfuls. © 2019 Kellogg NA Co.

L I F E Ñ E nt e r t a i n i n g

Red-and-Green Enchiladas Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 50 minutes Makes 8 servings

Prep the enchiladas through Step 4, then cover and refrigerate overnight.

In the morning, bake for about 45 minutes, removing the foil halfway through.

I N G R E DI E N T S 12 large eggs 1/4 cup milk 2 Tbs. unsalted butter 4 green onions, thinly sliced 1 cup red enchilada sauce 1 cup green enchilada sauce 8 to 10 large (8-in.) flour tortillas 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese (4 oz.)

Cilantro, sliced radishes, diced avocado, and sour cream, for topping (optional) MAKE IT

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs and milk.

2. In a large skillet, preferably nonstick, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the green onions and cook, stirring, until softened, about 2 minutes.

Add the eggs and cook, stirring occasionally, until scrambled and set but still moist, about 3 minutes.

3. In a 9x13-in. baking dish, pour about 1/4 cup of the red enchilada sauce along one of the long sides of the pan. Pour about 1/4 cup of the green sauce along the other side of the pan and spread so the sauces meet in the middle.

4. Working with one tortilla at a time, roll up some of the egg mixture in the tortilla and transfer it to the baking dish seam side down. Repeat with the remaining tortillas. Pour the remaining enchilada sauces over the filled tortillas, with the red sauce on one side and the green on the other. Sprinkle with cheese and cover with foil.

5. Bake for about 15 minutes, then remove the foil and continue baking until the cheese is melted and the sauce is bubbling, 15 to 20 minutes longer. Let stand 5 minutes before serving with the toppings, if desired.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

359 calories; 18g protein; 19g fat (7g sat. fat); 30g carbs; 0 fiber; 2g sugar; 3mg iron; 263mg calcium; 948mg sodium

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EASY TO

STAND

EASY TO

FILL

now with an

EXPANDABLE BOTTOM © 2019 Reynolds Consumer Products LLC.

L I F E Ñ E nt e r t a i n i n g

Ham-and-Egg Sliders Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 12 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 12 slider rolls 6 Tbs. unsalted butter, divided 8 large eggs 3 Tbs. milk 1/8 tsp. kosher salt 1/8 tsp. ground black pepper 2 Tbs. Dijon mustard 2 tsp. apricot jam 11/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese (6 oz.)

12 thin slices of ham (6 oz.)

MAKE IT

1. Using a large serrated knife, split slider rolls, taking care to keep the top and bottom layers intact.

2. Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a large skillet, preferably nonstick, melt 2 Tbs. of the butter over medium heat. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, salt, and pepper.

Add eggs to the skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until scrambled and set but still slightly moist, about 3 minutes.

Remove from the heat and let cool to warm.

3. In a small bowl, whisk the mustard with the jam.

Sweet Potato Sheet Pan Hash Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 1 hour 15 minutes Makes 8 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 4 large sweet potatoes (about 3 lbs.), cut into 1/2-in. pieces 2 Tbs. olive oil 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 5 green onions, thinly sliced, divided 1 lb. cooked breakfast sausage links, thawed if frozen, cut on the bias 8 large eggs MAKE IT

1. Preheat the oven to 425°F. Line a large rimmed baking pan with parchment paper. On the baking pan, toss the sweet potatoes with the olive oil and salt and roast until nearly soft, about 35 minutes, stirring once.

2. Sprinkle three quarters of the green onions and all the breakfast sausage over the sweet potatoes and toss.

Roast until the green onions are softened and the sausage is hot, about 10 minutes.

4. Arrange bottoms of rolls in a 9x13-in. baking dish. Arrange half the cheese on the slider rolls. Spoon eggs over the cheese. Top with ham and the remaining cheese. Spread cut sides of roll tops with the apricot mustard and place on final cheese layer.

3. Create 8 indentations in the sweet potato hash. Crack the eggs into the indentations and bake until set as desired, 7 to 8 minutes for runny yolks and 9 to 10 minutes for firm yolks.

Serve hot. Garnish with remaining sliced green onions.

5. Melt the remaining 4 Tbs. butter. Brush the butter over the sliders. Bake 15 to 20 minutes, until cheese is melted.

394 calories; 19g protein; 24g fat (7g sat. fat); 26g carbs; 4g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 77mg calcium; 671mg sodium

NUTRITION PER SERVING

NUTRITION PER SERVING

273 calories; 14g protein; 16g fat (7g sat. fat); 20g carbs; 1g fiber; 4g sugar; 1mg iron; 126mg calcium; 505mg sodium

S TA R T T H E N I G H T BEFORE

Prep the sliders through Step 4, then cover with an airtight lid or foil and refrigerate overnight. In the morning, proceed with Step 5; cover with foil and bake for 15 minutes. Remove foil; bake 15 minutes more or until cheese is melted.

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S TA R T T H E N I G H T BEFORE

Prep the hash through Step 1.

Cool potatoes, add sausage and onion, then cover with foil and refrigerate overnight. In the morning, uncover and reheat at 425°F for 20 minutes or until green onions are softened and sausage is hot, then proceed with Step 3.

© 2019 Tyson Foods, Inc.

L I F E Ñ C o m mu n it y

HOW TO ACE A MEAL TRAIN

Cook for a Neighbor in Need No one has less time for meal prep than a mom or a dad in survival mode, and no one appreciates a nourishing dinner more.

by A M Y PA L A N J I A N

Meal trains are great for major crises and small bumps in the road.

Here are just a few examples of other times in parenthood they can help.

Cook a meal for the friend who is ...

On bed rest with twins About to file for divorce Home with the kids while a spouse is deployed Dealing with anxiety or depression

Get Organized When people are adjusting to life with a new baby or enduring an illness, a hospital stay, or another stressful situation, making dinner can seem like a Herculean task. And yet it can be hard for them to accept help, especially when it’s a coordinated and “official” effort to deliver food on the regular.

Megan Tucker, of Arvada, Colorado, has organized more than 50 meal trains, and she suggests a small tweak in how you make the offer. Instead of asking a friend if she wants a meal train, try: “We’d like

to support you with a meal train.” It’s harder to say no when there’s no question posed. Got her on board? Send the family a questionnaire to learn about their favorite foods as well as any food allergies and dietary restrictions. Ask if they have space for meals in their freezer, if the meals should be delivered at a certain time of day, and whether they can put a cooler by the front door for nonintrusive drop-offs.

Then use this information to create a meal train at a site like TakeThemAMeal .com or MealTrain.com.

Suffering from a bad case of mastitis, the f lu, bronchitis … you get the picture Adjusting to a crazy new commute Nursing a sick kid, a sick spouse, or a sick parent Renovating the kitchen Coping with a spouse on a long work trip Grieving the loss of a family member Parenting solo every single day

pancakes, sausage, hash browns, French toast, and baked apples,” says Eliza Neary, of Pella, Iowa. “And I like to make breakfast burritos for others because they can be frozen and reheated individually,” she says.

Invite dozens of families to participate if your friend is in a long-term crisis (such as facing a cancer diagnosis), and be sure to include a clickable alternative like a restaurant or an Uber Eats gift card for noncooks and out-oftown friends.

Also consider packing extras like snacks for latenight feedings, dry goods like toilet paper or diapers, coloring books for the kids, or a favorite drink.

Remember that every family is different. Some might benefit from meals for just a week; others might have an ongoing need. Arranging just one meal a week indefinitely can make a profound difference in the life of a single parent or any family coping with a chronic stressor.

Cook the Right Stuff Consider meals with separate elements that can be assembled (or not) so that picky eaters can enjoy them too. Easy winners: tortillas with assorted taco fillings, buttered pasta with sauce and meatballs on the side, lettuce in a zip-top bag with chopped salad toppings in separate bags, or a deluxe cheese plate with fresh produce, meats, and crackers.

While casseroles are make-and-take classics, there are so many other options. “We specified that we love breakfast for dinner and received

Ensure a Smooth Delivery No matter what you make, pack it in inexpensive storage containers or zip-top bags—and be clear that you don’t need them back. If you send a meal to be popped into a slow cooker, include a disposable liner to make cleanup easy. And label the containers with the recipe name and the heating instructions since a new (or stressed) parent may not have the brainpower to remember verbal instructions.

As the saying goes, food is love, and meal trains make a real impact.

Lauren Morrill-Ragusea, of Macon, Georgia, recalls, “I was on the receiving end of a meal train when my 2-year-old broke his leg the day after we brought his new brother home from the hospital.

Six weeks with a toddler in a body cast and a newborn … that meal train saved us!” When you’re going through a hard time, just knowing people care enough to cook and deliver a meal is often as meaningful as the food itself.

E N O U G H L A S A G N A ! These heat-and-eat crowd-pleasers freeze just as well: burritos, chicken soup, blueberry muffins, chili, baked ziti, meatballs in marinara sauce, pancakes or waffles, veggie frittata, enchiladas, beef and vegetable stew, macaroni and cheese, stuffed shells, butternut squash soup, calzones, chicken cacciatore, pesto, Bolognese sauce

PA R E N T S

112 DECEMBER

2019

FOOD COLLECTION/OFFSET.

Not Just for New Parents!

Seasoned meal trainers recommend scheduling just a few meals a week for two to three weeks.

More dates can be added if the calendar fills up, but too many empty slots can be a bummer for the family to see.

*Leading brand based on national sales data. ©2019 WHITEWAVE SERVICES, INC.

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ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

EXTRA!

Kindness Tips From Our Advisors

Help her cough.

0 –12 M O N T H S

HOW TO

Ease Cold Symptoms

by J E N N I F E R R A I N E Y M A R Q U E Z

Clear out mucus.

Of all the milestones your baby will encounter in his first year, few may be as heartbreaking as his first cold. For the first six months, babies tend to breathe through their nose, so congestion can hit them especially hard. The standard blue bulb syringe can be too big for your baby’s nostrils, so try the smaller green version that’s marketed as an ear syringe.

After putting it in his nostril, tilt the tip down slightly so it’s perpendicular to his face, and gently push it in. You can also use saltwater nose drops to help loosen the congestion. Buy some at the drugstore, or make your own by mixing a quarter teaspoon of salt with eight ounces of water, boiling it for ten minutes, and then cooling it to room temperature.

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illustration by R O B I N R O S E N T H A L

Since babies don’t have the muscle strength to cough effectively yet, it can be tough for them to clear phlegm. One way to help: Take her into the bathroom and turn on the shower to make the air hot and steamy. It will get her nose running, loosen the mucus in her throat, and make her coughs more productive. Try doing it before bed, since mucus tends to drain into her chest while she’s lying down.

Using a humidifier in her bedroom can also help, but be sure to keep it out of her reach and fill it with new water every day so it doesn’t get moldy.

Watch for warning signs.

If your baby’s symptoms seem to be getting worse, it may be time to contact your pediatrician. For infants up to 3 months, any fever over 100.4°F is a “call your doctor right away” scenario.

For older babies, look for a fever that lasts more than three days or that develops

a few days after the onset of a cold. Other signs to watch for include wheezing or rapid, strained breathing, which may indicate a virus or pneumonia.

Sources: Michael D. Patrick, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at The Ohio State University of Medicine, in Columbus; Charla Tabet, an early childhood special educator for the U.S. Air Force, in Aviano, Italy; Stanley W. Spinner, M.D., chief medical officer of Texas Children’s Pediatrics, in Houston; William A. Varley, M.D., medical director of UPMC Children’s Express Care with Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

1–2 YEARS

HOW TO

Move From Crib to Bed

by R A C H E L R A B K I N P E A C H M A N

Look for clues.

O N E KI N D TH I N G YO U CAN D O FO R YO U R KI D

“Talk to your baby even if she can’t talk yet.

She loves the attention, eye contact, and mystery of it all.”

—Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D.; Child Mind Institute

The clearest indication that it’s time to ditch the crib is that your child is climbing over the railing, which could lead to a serious injury. Try to encourage your little one to stay in his crib by catching him the moment he starts to climb. You may also hear (or see) him banging into the railings while he’s sleeping, which may mean he’s feeling cramped in the existing space. One way to gauge his readiness: See how he does napping in someone else’s toddler bed.

If it goes smoothly, your child is probably capable of doing this at home too.

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A G E S + S TA G E S

Prep for the switch.

Depending on your child’s personality, you may want to talk about her new bed in advance of its arrival. Some kids need lots of preparation for such changes, while others are very adaptable. Make sure the switch doesn’t coincide with any major breaks from the norm in her routine, such as moving to a new house or starting preschool. Once you’ve broached the

O N E KI N D TH I N G YO U CAN D O FO R YO U R KI D

“Sleep train your toddler! It will help everyone in the family feel rested and get the sleep they need.”

—Jodi Mindell, Ph.D.; Pediatric Sleep Council

subject, get your toddler used to the idea by reading books (such as Sesame Street’s Big Enough for a Bed, by Apple Jordan) and telling her how nice it will be. You can also give her some say in the decision by taking her shopping to pick out new sheets, a night-light, or a comforter.

switch him back to the crib for another month or two. He’ll make the move eventually, and there’s no point in either of you losing sleep over it in the meantime.

Sources: Parents advisor Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., author of Sleeping Through the Night; Lynn Davidson, M.D., a developmental pediatrician at The Children’s Hospital at Montefiore, in Bronx, New York; Marc Weissbluth, M.D., author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

Make it a new routine.

When the exciting day arrives, try to make your child’s sleep zone feel as familiar and safe as possible. If you can, put the bed exactly where the crib was, and don’t forget his lovey or special blanket. However, sooner or later your child will probably recognize his new freedom and roam outside his room when he should be fast asleep. To break this habit, calmly tuck him back into bed.

Provide an incentive for staying put (such as offering to make his favorite breakfast in the morning) and a negative consequence for repeated “curtain calls” (perhaps temporarily taking away his toy train set). If you find that the new bed isn’t working well for your child, just

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3–4 YEARS

HOW TO

Build Good Listening Skills

by K AT H L E E N M . R E I L LY

Don’t assume she’s ignoring you.

If your preschooler doesn’t pay attention to your directions, she’s not necessarily trying to be defiant. She may want to

follow your instructions but doesn’t have the skills yet—and instead of failing, she won’t do it at all. So when you ask her to put on her shoes but she wanders off, get down on her level, make eye contact, and ask what she’s having trouble with.

Show the way.

When you announce, “Time to wash your hands!” and your child plops onto the couch, lead by example. Encourage him to pull his stool up to the sink while you stand beside him and wash your hands too. It’s more fun when he doesn’t have to do it alone. You’ll be modeling how to stick to a routine (always washing up before a meal) and stay on task.

Eventually, it will become a habit.

Think about transitions.

Sometimes the issue isn't your child’s willingness to listen but how much she’s enjoying what she’s already doing. It’s important to establish routines so she knows what’s coming next. If she always takes a bath before storytime, remind

won’t seem as abrupt and she’ll be in the right mindset to cooperate.

O N E KI N D TH I N G YO U CAN D O FO R YO U R KI D

“Tell the truth. Even white lies like ‘The park is closed’ are inconsiderate.

Honestly saying ‘I know you want to go to the park today, but we have to go grocery shopping’ is respectful.”

—Wendy L. Hunter, M.D.; Rady Children’s Hospital–San Diego

Sources: Kyle Pruett, M.D., clinical professor in the Child Study Center at Yale School of Medicine; Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., a psychologist in Houston; Suzanne Kaseta, M.D., a pediatrician at Washingtonville Pediatrics, in New York.

5–6 YEARS

HOW TO

Avoid Getting Embarrassed

by TA M E K I A R E E C E

her that she can only spend ten minutes in the tub if she wants to read a book.

Consider giving her a warning like, "Hey, we need to get out and dry off in five minutes.” You can even give a second alert about two minutes before she should start picking up her bath toys.

When the time comes to stop playing, it

Practice social skills.

Even though embarrassment peaks in the tween years, kids can start feeling self-conscious in kindergarten and first grade. Being the center of attention is uncomfortable for many kids because

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they don’t know how to act and they worry they’ll do something wrong. So when you introduce your daughter to your friends, she might clam up. To help her, brainstorm together what to do or say so she doesn’t feel as flustered. It could be as simple as her looking up and saying, “It’s nice to meet you,” then waiting patiently while you talk.

Teach him to laugh things off.

A blunder in front of peers is awkward for 5- and 6-year-olds because they want to make new friends. If your son drops his lunch in the cafeteria, he may want to hide. But let him know that it’s okay to make light of things like this.

While his first reaction may be to cry, encourage him to tell a joke or say something like, “That was silly.” Remind him to be nice to other kids when they mess up so they’ll do that for him.

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Handle body issues.

Kids this age are starting to pay attention to appearances. If your child sees she’s not the same in some way, she may feel self-conscious. Consider reading It’s Okay to Be Different, by Todd Parr, to help her understand that every body is unique. Explain that everyone passes gas, burps, or has stomach grumbles from time to time. Remind her that if she says “Excuse me” and doesn’t make it a big deal, chances are other people won’t either.

Sources: Eleonora Villegas-Reimers, Ed.D., chair of the department of special and elementary education at Wheelock College, in Boston; Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., coauthor of The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came With.

O N E KI N D TH I N G YO U CAN D O FO R YO U R KI D

“Take your child to your workplace on a weekend so she can see where you go during the day. Show her the pictures you keep of her on your desk, and tell her you think about her a lot.”

—Harley A. Rotbart, M.D.; author of No Regrets Parenting

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7+ YEARS

HOW TO

Strengthen Spelling Skills

by M A R I S A C O H E N

Make it more exciting.

If your child thinks of spelling as a chore, sit together and watch the amazing documentary Spellbound or the feature film Akeelah and the Bee, both of which make spelling bees seem thrilling. Then hold your own mini bee at home and have your child write words on a dry-erase board or spell them in the air with his finger. That tactile sense of actually writing a word will make it easier for him to learn it. A few other ways to make spelling more fun at home: Write words on individual index cards, then cut them in half and play a matching game, or have your child pretend to be the teacher and explain to you how words are spelled.

Nail down tricky ones.

If you see that your child got a word wrong on her homework, don’t just tell her the correct spelling. Instead, see if she can sound it out on her own, then use an online dictionary like Merriam -Webster.com to look it up together.

Bonus: Your child can also hear the correct pronunciation there. For children (and for some grown-ups!), certain word groups, such as your/ you’re, to/too/two, its/it’s, whose/ who’s, and they’re/there/their can be continually tricky. If you notice your child is consistently getting those words wrong, have her write the group down on an index card, then use them in three separate sentences on the back so she can see the different ways the words are used.

Take advantage of technology.

Surprisingly, researchers have found that kids ages 10 to 12 who text frequently have had improvements

O N E KI N D TH I N G YO U CAN D O FO R YO U R KI D

“Don’t leap to solve problems that your child can figure out on his own.”

—Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.; author of Kid Confidence

in spelling and literacy, possibly because texting shortcuts forced them to think about how words are created phonetically. So if your kid is attached to a phone or an iPad anyway, why not use it to help him practice spelling? Look for apps like VocabularySpellingCity (free; App Store and Google Play), which lets kids play word games using different spelling lists. Montessori Crosswords ($3; App Store) boosts spelling skills by having players build words in a grid using different phonics patterns.

Sources: Emily Levy, Ed.D., founder of EBL Coaching in New York City and author of the Flags & Stars series of spelling workbooks; J. Richard Gentry, Ph.D., author of the textbook series Spelling Connections.

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Ivan, 4

Marina Ferre; Reseda, CA

My son woke me up one morning and said, “Mommy, I have some good news and some bad news. I peed in my bed, but it dried!”

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At a barbecue, my son exclaimed, “My burger has so many sprinkles!”

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