FamilyLife - Jan/Feb 2020

Kitchen Hacks

Comfort Foods

New Year's Resolution

A simple kind of love

FamilyLife Happiness Wishes

Jan/Feb 2020

Jan/Feb Contents

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ADVICE

ORGANIZE

FEATURES

13 How To Stay On Top Of Your New Year’s Resolutions

29 10 clever ways to organize Lego

43 A simple kind of love

19 10 Steps to Squash Sibling Rivalry

35 10 easy tips for an organized kitchen

25 The Need to Talk

25 IN EVERY ISSUE

11 49 Editor's Letter Your messy house doesn't mean you don't measure up 64 as a new mom Last Look

FOOD

ON THE COVER

55 Rise & Shine

Photography by Erik Putz

Family Life ‐ January/February 2020

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FamilyLife EDITOR IN-CHIEF Pamela Hayford EXECUTIVE EDITOR Suzanne Moutis CREATIVE DIRECTOR Karen Paddon EDITORIAL OPERATIONS & ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER Olga Goncalves Costa TEST KITCHEN FOOD DIRECTOR Soo Kim SENIOR FOOD ASSOCIATE Stina Diös CONTRIBUTING FOOD SPECIALISTS Donna Borooah, Cara Tegler ART DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Lena Diaz ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Sarah Big Canoe CONTRIBUTING ART DIRECTOR Leanne Gilbert PRODUCTION SPECIALIST Genevieve Pizzale EDITORIAL SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR Megan Howard FEATURES EDITOR Mary Levitski COPY EDITORS Debbie Madsen Villamere, Stephanie Zolis EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS Marianne Davidson, Sarah Dziedzic HOME & GARDEN HOME & STYLE DIRECTOR Ann Marie Favot DESIGN EDITOR Morgan Lindsay NATIONAL ACCOUNTS MANAGERS, TORONTO David Lawrence, John McDowell, Nicole Rosen, Roberta Thomson NATIONAL ACCOUNTS MANAGER, MONTREAL Ingrid Barfod NATIONAL ACCOUNT MANAGER, VANCOUVER Renee Wong BRAND OPERATIONS MANAGER Terry Smith

VICE PRESIDENT, CORPORATE SALES & DIRECTOR, CLIENT SOLUTIONS Brandon Kirk DIRECTOR, MEDIA SALES Mike Lambe ST. JOSEPH COMMUNICATIONS CHAIRMAN & CEO Tony Gagliano VICE CHAIRMAN John Gagliano PRESIDENT & PUBLISHER Ken Hunt VICE PRESDIENT, OPERATIONS & TECHNOLOGY Sean McCluskey EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT Sarah Trimble DIRECTOR, LIFESTYLE CONTENT Sasha Emmons DIRECTOR, CONTENT OPERATIONS James Reid DIRECTOR, CIRCULATION Allan Yue MANAGER, CIRCULATION Lisa Rivers DIRECTOR, BRANDED CONTENT, AUDIENCE & EVENTS Nadine Silverthorne PROJECT MANAGER, BRANDED CONTENT Milena Boskovic EXECUTIVE EDITOR, BRANDED CONTENT Meaghan Yuen DESIGNER, BRANDED CONTENT Leo Tapel Family Life is published by St. Joseph Communications, 15 Benton Road, Toronto, M6M 3G2. Contents Copyright 2020 by St. Joseph Communications. may not be reprinted without written permission. Article proposals and manuscripts must be accompanied by self-addressed envelopes and sufficient postage; otherwise they will not be returned or acknowledged.

While the publishers will take all reasonable care, they will not be responsible for the loss of any manuscript, drawing or photograph. ISSN 0128-1839. Single copy price $5.99 + tax. Full subscription prices: Canada, 1 year (6 issues), $15 + tax. In the U.S., 1 year $45 + tax; Other countries $75 + tax, Indexed in the Canadian Periodical Index. Printed in Canada. Family Life, it's affiliate and assignees may use, reproduce, publish, distribute, store and archive such as unsolicited submissions in whole or in part in any form or medium whatsoever, without compensate of any sort.

St. Joseph Communications can be reached at 15 Benton Road, Toronto, M6M 3G2

Family Life ‐ January/February 2020

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Editor's Letter

Happy New Year Welcome, 2020! It’s our big year: My older is graduating high school and heading off to college, I’m celebrating a milestone birthday and we’ll be acquiring another teen driver. Whew! I’m already a little overwhelmed, and we’re just getting started! In addition to my own personal milestone, I’m celebrating one professionally.

With the new year, many think of resolutions and fresh starts. I try to set myself up for success and implement small changes with the start of the new year. I’d like to read my Bible more and I want to take intentional, prolonged times away from my phone. To completely unplug from time to time really recharges and refreshes.

The trick is knowing how to use that quality in positive ways (take charge when needed) and not negative ones (bossing people around). I see these firstborn traits in my older as well. It’s so intriguing to look at the many influences that shape a person, with birth order being one.

Pamela Hayford Editor In-Chief

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Advice

How To Stay On Top Of Your New Year’s Resolutions A game plan for making new habits stick.

By KRISTI VALENTINI

Family Life ‐ January/February 2020

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Advice Making a change for the better is always a good idea.

New year, new you, right? But following through with a New Year’s resolution is tough – according to one study, only 1 out of 5 people who make resolutions actually manage to accomplish them.

If you’re like most people and have already slipped up, don’t throw in the towel yet, says Gretchen Rubin, a habits expert and author of Better Than Before, a book that offers tips on making and breaking habits.

“The key is doing a new activity until it feels automatic,” explains Rubin—which might be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. The good news: With the help of these smart strategies, you can make some of the most common resolutions stick.

Resolution #1: Eat healthier Diet changes are a popular resolution each year, with people vowing to cook more, eat less sugar, and avoid junk food. But when that office birthday cake is calling your name, it's easy to fall off the wagon.

Your key to staying on? Make the healthy meals come to you — literally — with a meal-kit delivery service like HelloFresh.

I recently tried it for a week and I’ve got to tell you, it made getting healthy home-cooked meals on the table way less stressful. Instead of putting together my weekly shopping list, I simply selected which of the 20-plus meals on HelloFresh that I wanted to make – from tacos to pasta to tasty meat-and-veggie bowls.

Then a box full of fresh ingredients and illustrated recipe cards showed up on my doorstep.

Besides having more family time on the weekend (buhbye grocery shopping), having HelloFresh meals stocked in my fridge made it easy to bypass the drive thru. And since their menu constantly changes, I didn't have to worry about healthy eating getting boring. (Not to mention, I amazed my family by cooking exotic dishes like the so-good Korean Beef Bibimbap.)

If your major struggle is mid-afternoon cravings, there’s a way to deal with that, too. “If you can distract yourself — say, by going through mail, making some phone calls, or taking a walk around the block — you’ll find that you get absorbed in whatever you’re doing.

Cravings usually pass in about 15 minutes,” says Rubin.

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Resolution #2: Exercise more You don’t need the willpower of an Olympian to build regular exercise into your routine. For help staying committed to a workout instead of falling prey to the snooze button, you have a bunch of options.

If you’re the competitive type, signing up for a challenge (hello, mud run) may do the trick. You can also pay in advance for standing appointments with a trainer or register for a prepaid dance or aerobics class, both of which make you financially invested in working out. Or, find a workout buddy who’ll be counting on you to show up. (Research indicates that people exercise more frequently if they do it with an encouraging partner.)

You can also try pairing exercise with something that you already like to do, says Rubin. For example, only listen to your favorite podcast when you go on a walk, or limit watching that juicy reality show to when you’re on the treadmill.

Whatever strategy you choose, make it convenient for yourself. Commit to a morning jog (instead of your usual walk) with your dog, leave your sneakers by the door, or wear your gym clothes to bed so you don’t even have to change for your early workout.

Resolution #3: Save money Getting out of debt or saving for a big purchase, like a trip abroad or a down payment on a home, is a major goal for many folks. But socking away funds for your future self oftentimes doesn’t feel as rewarding as the instant gratification of a new pair of shoes.

Your winning strategy? Put money-saving on autopilot, says Rubin, and you’ll be more likely to do it. Try a money-saving app like Qapitol, which will automatically move cash from your checking account over to a savings account based on the guidelines of your choice. Transfer a set amount each payday, or tell the app to round up to the nearest dollar on every purchase you make and send the spare change to savings. You’ll reach your goal without even thinking about it.

Advice

Resolution #4: Learn a new skill

Resolution #5: Read more books

Pursuing a new hobby means devoting precious time in your schedule. And while you can’t add more hours to the day, says Rubin, you can block off time in your calendar like you would a work or PTA meeting. By treating your hobby like a to-do, you’ll be less likely to fill that slot with something else.

Being well-read is one of the top 10 New Year’s resolutions people make, according to an Inc. survey. If that’s on your list, too, your biggest hurdles might be selecting a book to start with or getting yourself to pick one up in first place. That’s where the beauty of book clubs comes in. Not only will you be assigned a book to read each month, but the monthly get-togethers to chat about it will also keep you honest.

It might also be helpful to create accountability to someone or something in order to accomplish your goals, adds Rubin. That can be as simple as registering for a class where your absence will be noted, or trying something new with a friend you don’t want to let down.

“You can also reward yourself with something directly tied to the new habit you’re creating,” says Rubin.

“Choose something that makes it easier or more pleasant for you to keep it up.” In this case, that might be going to see the new movie release of a book you read, finally splurging on an e-reader (like a Kindle), or ordering a book subscription so a bestseller arrives on your doorstop each month.

Remember: It’s normal to experience bumps along the way when you’re changing habits. But what matters most is how quickly you recover and continue moving forward, says Rubin: “What you do most days is much more important than an occasional detour.”

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Advice

10 Steps to Squash Sibling Rivalry

By CHRISTA MELNYK HINES

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Advice Whether they arrive in the family biologically or through adoption or remarriage, kids don’t choose their siblings. With diverse personalities collected under one roof, it’s no wonder brothers and sisters have antagonized each other—and aggravated their parents—since time began. Instead of losing your cool with your clashing kids, try a few of these tips to enjoy a more harmonious household and teach valuable life skills in the process.

Take a step back.

Unless a sibling squabble is ramping up into a hairpulling, cat-scratching, fist-fighting kind of affair, allow your kids to work out their disagreements on their own.

“I give parents permission to not get involved. When we intervene, we are not allowing the skills of conflict resolution or problem-solving,” says Jennifer JacksonRice, MSW-LSCSW, a therapist certified in parent-child interaction therapy, Kansas City Center for Anxiety Treatment.

Don’t take sides.

When your child complains to you of an injustice committed by a sib, you may be tempted to take sides, especially if one child got hit. But it takes two to tangle. You can’t know for sure how the situation unfolded or what instigated the physical aggression.

Jackson-Rice encourages parents not to get into the weeds of who-did-what-when.

“There’s nothing positive that can come out of refereeing a sibling disagreement,” she says. “The only reason we’re involved is because someone wants attention from us, and it’s negative attention.”

Take breaks.

Instead of playing judge and jury, separate your quarreling offspring for a while.

“We need to take a break, and we need to calm down.

It doesn’t have to be a punishment. It’s just learning to cope and get through the situation,” Jackson-Rice says.

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Foster problem-solving.

Ask your kids to consider each other’s feelings and work toward solving their disagreements with empathy-building questions like “How would it make you feel if your brother/sister said that to you?” and solution-seeking queries like “What can you do to help the situation?”

“It’s important for siblings to resolve their issues on their own so they can practice managing challenging interpersonal interactions,” says Dr. Simone Moody, clinical psychologist, Children’s Mercy Kansas City. “As a parent you will not always be there to rescue your children and solve their problems.”

Developing conflict resolution skills will not only help kids better manage a dispute on the playground, but also will serve them well later in life as they navigate confrontations in their personal relationships or with a pesky coworker.

Establish house rules.

“Make sure your kids understand your family values in terms of kindness and treating each other with love and respect,” says parent coach Sara Minges, director of Playful Awareness, Overland Park.

Sit down with your children to discuss your family’s values and a simple code of conduct, like keeping hands to yourself, using respectful language and sharing.

Reward the positive.

“Set an attainable goal for following the rules to earn a desired reward,” Moody says. “Catch your children following these rules often. Provide praise immediately and give them a token to represent each step toward their goal.”

For example, you might create a sticker chart or marble/cotton ball jar and every time your kids work well as a team, they receive a token in the jar or a sticker on the chart. When the tokens reach a certain number, they earn a special family activity.

Advice

Know your hot buttons.

Don’t compare your kids.

“As parents, we are models for our children. It’s important to remain calm and respectful so that we can teach our children to treat others in the same manner,” Moody says.

While competition can be healthy, it shouldn’t fuel allout war in your household. Try not to perpetuate sibling rivalry by drawing comparisons between your kids. One child may learn to ride a bike sooner than another, while the other figures out how to cross the monkey bars faster. One may be better at basketball while the other excels at art.

When creating your house rules, consider the types of behaviors that your kids do that flip your patience.

“What are the things that drive you bonkers? Try to come out with as comprehensive or realistic a list as possible, whether it’s yelling and screaming, throwing things, stomping feet or using foul language,” Minges says.

With a plan in place, it will be easier to keep your cool.

For example, you might say, “You know our rule about name-calling. This is your first warning. Do it again and you’ll lose your video game time today.” Calmly and consistently follow through whenever necessary.

“Kids will learn, ‘Hey, I’m not going to be able to get Mom or Dad angry so that they just give in,’” Minges says. “If this is how it happens all of the time, it makes it harder for them to take advantage of the situation or try to get out of something.”

Acknowledge conflict resolution in action.

“Remember to praise your children when they resolve an issue appropriately,” Moody says. “If only one child is managing the situation appropriately, give praise and attention to that child’s behavior (‘great job staying calm!’) and ignore minor misbehavior of the other child (taunting, boasting and complaining).”

By focusing on the positive interactions, we are likely to see the negative interactions decrease.

“Whatever we water grows. Whatever we pay attention to or whatever we give our kids attention for will grow,” Jackson-Rice says.

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“Focus on each child’s individual strengths. Encourage your children to participate in activities that foster their unique strengths,” Moody says.

Also, spend time one-on-one with your kids by engaging them in their favorite activities, playing a game or going for walks together. Individual time strengthens parent-child bonds and helps kids feel valued for who they are rather than how well they perform at a particular activity.

Promote a team atmosphere.

Initiate team-building opportunities like playing a game as a team rather than as opponents, helping to prepare dinner, cleaning up after a meal or doing yard work together. And, again, reinforce positive interactions by praising your kids whenever they work or play well together.

When to Consult a Professional Parents can’t spend time with both children at the same time.

Routine physical aggression occurs.

Frequent degrading statements are directed at a sibling (you’re ugly/I hate you/you’re fat, etc.).

Conflict causes significant distress in the family.

Strife interferes with quality family life.

Advice

The Need to Talk

By WILLIAM R. BARTLETT

Family Life ‐ January/February 2020

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Advice

“I know what I’m doing, I can do this myself.”

I recoiled at the uncharacteristic anger in Sandi’s tone.

“That wasn’t what I was saying.”

“Fine.” She blew out her irritation in an impatient huff.

“Okay, what is it?”

“Click on the ‘File’ button. It’ll bring up the options you need.” I kept the hurt from my words and tone.

Sandi’s mood changed as if she’d flicked a switch. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

I returned to my work and left her to finish hers. With minutes remaining before she needed to leave, she shut down her computer and stood.

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Sandi wrapped her arms around me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. It’s just that I had to get done and I had so little time.” She kissed me. “I’m sorry.”

I gave her a tight squeeze. “Apology accepted. Now, get to work and have a terrific evening.”

Normally, that would have been the end of the matter.

Not this time. We’d been sniping at one another too many times lately and I knew what that meant. There was something deeper in our relationship that needed mending.

“Sandi,” I said when she entered the door later that night. “We need to talk.”

“I know. I’ve been thinking that all evening.”

“All done.” She spoke as if there had never been a cross word between us.

“Why don’t you sit and relax while I get you some coffee. I just made a fresh pot.”

“Maybe, not.” I could have shrugged this off, but I knew better. No matter how unpleasant for me, I had to continue. “I wanted to help. I felt like nothing I did could make things better. Like I was kind of worthless.”

“Sounds heavenly. I can’t remember how long it’s been since we’ve had a good talk.”

January/February 2020 - Family Life

Organize

10 clever ways to organize Lego Too much Lego and no idea what to do with it all? Check out these inventive ways to make their collection more manageable.

By EMILY PICCININ

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Advice

Berry baskets Collect a bunch of those plastic pint containers berries and other produce come in. Clean them well, then arrange them inside a drawer so your little tyke can sort his pieces according to colour.

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Advice

Ottoman

Hanging buckets

Here’s an easy fix, storage ottomans are generally inexpensive and come in colours to match any decor.

Install a curtain rod (or a towel bar) and hang pails from it using S-hooks. Label the pails by colour or Lego type (flats, figures, blocks), and it’ll be easy for your little one to toss her pieces into the correct pail once she’s done playing.

Magnetic containers

Bed drawer

You can mount a magnetic board to a wall or tabletop.

Pick up some magnetic containers from your local arts and crafts shop and label each however you’d like.

Once the kids have finished creating their masterpieces, have them fill up their containers and place the covers on before they affix them to the magnetic board. Ta-da! Off of the floor and out of the way.

A captain’s bed with built-in drawers is perfect for Lego storage. Use the drawer as one massive compartment for Lego bits or arrange them using containers. If you don’t have under-bed storage, use wide, shallow containers that can slide under the bed to house the pieces. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Removable buckets Stop by the hardware store for this DIY project. Each bin is removable, hanging on a metal strip that’s attached to the wall.

Shoe organizer This option is perfect for the kid with a massive Lego collection: Purchase an over-the-door plastic shoe organizer and fill the compartments with their many pieces.

Drawers

Use a hobby box

Pick up some stackable plastic drawers (this one is the Trofast at Ikea). Label each drawer by colour and have the kiddies fill ’em up!

But what about the teeny-tiny pieces that seem to come in every kit? Stash them in a hobby box for safe keeping (and easy access).

Ikea hack play table This great Ikea hack builds on the storage unit idea to create a Lego master’s desk and play area, complete with a Lego mat on one side of the adjustable work surface and compartments to store her pieces!

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10 easy tips for an organized kitchen Keep counters tidy Put away infrequently used small appliances like mixers and electric kettles, and corral utensils in a handy container to maximize your food-prep space.

Utensils, $10-$12 each, bowls, $8 each, West Elm. Tea canister, $6, HomeSense.

An organized and functional kitchen doesn't have to feel so far out of reach. Follow these simple tips to get more space and less mess!

Photography by ERIK PUTZ

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Advice

Store staples in reusable jars When unpacking your groceries, immediately transfer basics like flour, rice and oatmeal into resealable, stackable glass jars. You’ll eliminate messy packaging, have more room in your cupboards and see how much you have left of each.

Jars, $4–$9 each, Crate & Barrel.

Label your canisters Use pretty ceramic canisters to store staples on your countertop. The versatile chalkboard labels make updating them super-easy!

Canisters, $10, Anthropologie.

Tidy up your junk drawer Instead of just throwing another thing into that drawer, invest in some divided trays. It’ll make staying organized automatic, and you’ll be able to find the toothpicks much faster.

Divider, $8, HomeSense.

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Advice

Dock your knives safely Place this cork and rubber knife station inside a drawer to safely store your knives. It’ll prevent them from accidentally nicking you and from knocking into other utensils that can damage and dull them.

Knife dock, $109, Crate & Barrel.

Stow your scrubbers Keep your sink from looking disorganized with this two-in-one caddy. Since it’s made of porcelain, it’s easy to clean and designed to last.

Sink caddy, $25, West Elm.

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“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

– Dr. Seuss, Author

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A simple kind of love

I recently interviewed a lovely couple for a story I'm working on. They started dating in high school — she asked him to a Sadie Hawkins dance and he initially said "maybe" — and have been together for almost 60 years.

By SARAH TRELEAVEN

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I recently interviewed a lovely couple for a story I’m working on. They started dating in high school — she asked him to a Sadie Hawkins dance and he initially said “maybe” — and have been together for almost 60 years. It was incredible to chat with them both one afternoon, while she visited him in the nursing home he was recently moved to, and their affection for each other was plain. I asked what had made their relationship work for so many years. “We just love each other a lot,” he said, his shrug almost audible. For them, it was no fuss, no confusion, no drama; they’ve just loved each other, helped each other, made each other happy, and been good to each other as if there was no other way to be.

Their story reminded me of a meeting I once sat in when I interned at a glossy women’s magazine many years ago in New York. The (mostly divorced) senior editors were casting around for ideas for a story about the hardships of marriage: the sex dries up, the household division of labour is always uneven, kids drive you crazy, you get bored with each other, you feel unappreciated, etc.

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The litany of complaints went on and on — and I became more and more depressed — until one editor, who had been quiet, spoke up. “I’m really sick of reading stories about how hard marriage is,” she said.

“I’ve been with my husband for over 30 years and, sure, sometimes life has been hard. But my husband doesn’t make my life hard; he makes me laugh.”

It sounds like magic when you hear it and it was a revelation for me at the age of 24, but it’s actually very simple. So many of us often like to make these things as complicated as possible, or maybe some of us are more susceptible to losing the plot as soon as our lips land on someone else’s. But speaking to that couple, more deeply in love after the adoption of children and multiple battles with cancer and weekends spent boating with friends, gave me a sense of perspective on the kind of love we could all use. Someone who is kind to you and allows you to be kind to them.

Someone who agrees with you more than they disagree with you. Someone who, five or 20 or 50 years later, still loves to make you laugh. And the idea of that kind of love makes me really, really happy.

Your messy house doesn't mean you don't measure up as a new mom

All the perfectly designed nurseries I saw on Instagram twisted my perception of reality and whether I was a good-enough mom.

By NICOLE JOHNSON

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Before I had a baby, I had dreamed of what my days as a new mother would look like. As far as I could tell from magazines and social media, it looked like playgrounds, mom groups and cozy cuddles with my newborn.

In actuality, the first few days with my baby were indeed pretty magical: Family came and went showering us with gifts, well-wishes and advice. I never felt so loved and content. But after the visits stopped, and my partner went back to work, I was home alone with a mysterious creature who cried, ate, pooped and slept. I didn’t have time to shower and feed myself, let alone worry about my messy house. And more than anything, I felt excruciatingly lonely. As I scrolled through the endless pictures of glowing mothers in pristine, Pinterest-perfect themed nurseries, I shut the cover of my laptop and cried right along with my son.

My version of motherhood looked nothing like what I’d seen on social media. Dishes littered the sink, laundry overflowed, and in the middle of the messy house, my son spit up all over his last clean sleeper. I couldn’t figure out how to keep my home as clean and together as every other mom’s appeared online while also taking care of a very helpless, always hungry human.

My husband and I were focused on feedings and getting more than two hours of sleep in a row at night; we barely had the energy to accomplish basic tasks like getting groceries and making ourselves dinner.

A week after bursting into tears while scrolling Pinterest, I decided to try a local weekly moms’ group I’d been invited to. As I drove up to the host’s house, I noticed that even the lawn was perfectly manicured.

And when the other new mom opened the door, I swore I heard angels sing. Just like the images I’d seen online, this space was perfect too, but this was IRL. Her home was immaculate. I wondered what she thought of my mismatched socks as I took off my winter boots, left them on the mat by the door and followed her into the kitchen. The floors were shining, the trendy farmhouse sink didn’t have a dish in it and she looked rested and sane. Her adorable baby was dressed in a cute matching outfit I’d seen in a magazine. I followed her into the living room, sure I didn’t measure up.

Once I heard that the plan was to rotate who hosted the group every week, I made some excuse, bundled up the baby again and high-tailed it out of there. The thought of those mothers coming into my messy house—and pushing laundry off the couch to sit down and nurse their babies—was horrifying. I knew that I could never volunteer to host, and so I never went back.

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Growing up, my family believed cleanliness was next to godliness. Saturdays were spent scouring the house. I carried that same compulsive neatnik gene into my own life as an adult —until motherhood threw me for a loop. When my family was planning a visit, I’d knock myself out, spending an entire week cleaning before their arrival: vacuuming the floors with the baby strapped to my body, shushing and bouncing to lull him to sleep.

I’d forego my few-and-far-between opportunities to shower or sleep while the baby slept (ha!), choosing instead to spend that time organizing cabinets and washing clothes so that I’d appear more together than I actually was. When my family finally arrived, I was so exhausted from the cleaning frenzy that it was hard to enjoy the visit.

I’m not imagining this cultural pressure for women to keep a clean house. One May 2019 study from the Journal of Sociological Methods & Research found that women are indeed judged on the cleanliness of their home, while men are not. The barrage of perfect Instagram images further perpetuates the myth that motherhood should be clean and clutter-free, with serene women cuddling their peaceful offspring in design-blogworthy homes. My social media streams definitely twisted my perception of reality and how I measured up as a mom: I was so afraid of being judged for my messy house, I chose loneliness at a time when I needed companionship so much.

Luckily, with the birth of my second child, less than two years later, I discovered the truth. By then, I’d met other women who were real and honest—who revelled in their imperfect homes and chaotic families—and I learned to ease up on myself. I unfollowed some of the picture-perfect mommy blogs and accounts that were eating away at my self-worth. And honestly, as a mom of two, I also just didn’t have the time. It was either keep a clean home, or keep my sanity. Once you add two children to the mix, life gets complicated. It’s impossible to balance all the demands. And while the societal judgement is real, now I know that there are so many women who live like I do —surrounded by hampers they can’t find the bottom of, and sinks with endless dishes. I learned to spot these women out in the real world, too: at the grocery store, fumbling through aisles with their own screaming children, and at the library circle time, trying to sing along with drool-covered shirts and deep undereye circles. They became the women who saved me.

The key for me was finding my people—the women I could open up with. I could let them see my disaster of a home because it mirrored their own. Once I did, I realized that motherhood doesn’t have to be so solitary and self-critical. A spotless house does not make you a good mother, just as a dirty one doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, the disorder at home probably means you’re prioritizing the big stuff, and doing what you need to take care of yourself and your children. Instead of cleaning, you can take a walk, read a book, watch a show, or invite a group of friends over—the kind of friends who know our worth as mothers is not determined by the way our homes look.

Motherhood is messy—and it’s OK to show it.

Food

Warm Wishes Easy simple recipes to do to eat in 2020 Photography by ERIK PUTZ

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RISE & SHINE Morning glory muffins

Your favourite comfort food comes baked with a touch Photography by ERIK PUTZ

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Roasted red pepper hummus pasta

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Curried butternut squash and cauliflower soup

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Crispy bran chicken parmesan

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Winter cobb salad

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Food

Roasted red pepper hummus pasta

Curried butternut squash and cauliflower soup

PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:25 MINS

PREP TIME:5 MINS TOTAL TIME:30 MINS

200 g rigatoni pasta 2 tsp olive oil 2 broccoli crowns, cut into florets (6 cups) 1 1/2 cups store-bought marinara sauce 1/4 tsp salt 1 cup store-bought roasted red pepper hummus 1/2 cup 10% cream 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 cup chopped parsley, (optional)

1 tsp canola oil 1 onion, finely chopped 2 garlic cloves, minced 2 tsp mild curry powder 3 cups butternut squash, cubed 3 cups cauliflower florets 900-mL carton vegetable broth 165-mL can coconut milk 1/4 cup pepitas, toasted

1. In a large pot of boiling water, cook pasta according to package instructions. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water and then drain.

2. Heat a large non-stick frying pan over medium-high. Add oil, then broccoli. Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender-crisp, 3 to 4 min. Stir in marinara, pasta water and salt. Cook until broccoli is just tender, 2 to 3 min. Stir in hummus and cream until sauce is warmed through.

3. Add drained pasta to sauce and toss until combined. Divide among bowls. Sprinkle with Parmesan and parsley.

Crispy bran chicken parmesan PREP TIME:15 MINS TOTAL TIME:30 MINS 1 tsp olive oil 2 cups bran flakes cereal 1/2 cup grated Parmesan 1 egg 1 tbsp Dijon mustard 2 tbsp all-purpose flour 1/4 tsp salt 4 pieces chicken scaloppine, about 400 g 1 cup grated mozzarella 1 cup store-bought marinara sauce 1/4 cup chopped basil, optional

1. Heat a large pot over medium. Add oil, then onion and garlic. Cook until onion is soft, 3 to 4 min.

Sprinkle curry powder over mixture. Cook, stirring, 1 min.

2. Add squash, cauliflower and broth.

Bring to a boil over high. Simmer until vegetables are very tender, 5 to 7 min.

3. Pour soup, in batches, into a blender. Purée until smooth. Divide among bowls.

4. Whisk coconut milk in a bowl.

Drizzle over soup. Sprinkle with pepitas.

1. Position rack in centre of oven, then preheat to 350F. Line a baking sheet with foil. Set a large baking rack on foil and brush with oil.

2. Crush bran flakes into fine crumbs with your hands in a medium bowl.

Stir in Parmesan. Set aside. Whisk egg with Dijon in another medium bowl. Whisk in flour and salt.

Season with pepper to taste.

3. Pat chicken dry with paper towels.

Dredge each piece in egg mixture, then press into bran flake mixture to completely cover. Lay chicken on prepared rack and lightly spray with oil.

4. Bake until golden-brown, about 15 min. Switch oven to broiler, then sprinkle mozzarella over chicken.

Broil until mozzarella is bubbly and golden, 2 to 3 min.

5. Heat marinara sauce in a small saucepan over medium-high, 2 to 3 min. Add a dollop of marinara to chicken and garnish with basil, if desired. Serve with a green salad on the side.

Family Life ‐ January/February 2020 Family Life ‐ January/February 2020

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Food

Winter cobb salad Morning glory muffins PREP TIME:15 MINS TOTAL TIME:30 MINS

4 eggs1 large sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1-in. cubes 1 tbsp olive oil 1/2 tsp salt, divided 1 rotisserie chicken 1/4 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup 2% plain Greek yogurt 1 tbsp lemon juice 2 tbsp finely chopped chives 8 cups chopped romaine lettuce 1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved 1/4 cup crumbled feta chicken skin bacon, (optional) 1. Preheat oven to 450F. Add eggs to a medium pot of boiling water and simmer for 6 min. Rinse under cold water.

2. Toss sweet potato with oil and 1/4 tsp salt on a baking sheet. Roast until fork-tender and goldenbrown, 12 to 14 min.

3. Remove chicken skin. Set aside.

Debone legs, then shred meat.

Slice up breast.

4. Stir mayo with yogurt, 2 tbsp water, lemon juice, chives and remaining 1/4 tsp salt in a large bowl. Season with pepper. Add romaine and toss until coated.

Divide among plates. Top with peeled and halved eggs, sweet potato, tomatoes, chicken, feta and chicken skin bacon, if desired.

5. For chicken skin bacon: Trim excess fat from skin, then arrange flat on a baking sheet. Bake in lower third of oven at 450F until crisp, 5 to 6 min. Once cooled, break into smaller pieces.

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PREP TIME:15 MINS TOTAL TIME:45 MINS 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp salt 2 eggs 1/2 cup canola oil 1/2 cup buttermilk 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla 1 apple, peeled and coarsely grated (1 cup) 1 carrot, coarsely grated (1 cup) 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut 1/2 cup sultana raisins 1. Position rack in centre of oven, then preheat to 375F. Line a 12cup muffin pan with paper liners.

2. Whisk flour with baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in a large bowl. Set aside. Whisk eggs in a medium bowl, then whisk in oil, buttermilk, sugars and vanilla. Stir egg mixture into flour mixture.

3. Stir in apple, carrot, coconut and raisins. Do not overmix. Scoop into lined muffin cups. Bake until a skewer inserted into centre of a muffin comes out clean, 18 to 20 min. Muffins can be kept in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

January/February 2020 - Family Life

Last Look

Memoriam

Kobe Bryant August 23, 1978-January 26, 2020 While the cause of the helicopter crash that killed NBA star Kobe Bryant has yet to be determined, newly released information shows the pilot appears to be have been disoriented by the weather conditions, even telling air traffic control he was climbing in altitude when he was actually descending.

Courtesy of ESPN

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January/February 2020 - Family Life