RS - May 2022

T HE TRICK TO D O IN G WAY L E S S L AU N DRY

LIFE MADE EASIER

PA G E 56

t I t e G ! e n o D Give a Sofa New Life

NAIL THAT G A L L E RY WALL

Refresh Your Kitchen

& More

PLUS: SAVE MONE Y WHERE YO U SPEND IT MOST MAY 2022

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M A K E R O O M FO R A L L O F YO U

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GET IT DONE!

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

M AY

“Nothing ever seems impossible in spring, you know.”

L . M . M O N T G O M E R Y, A N N E O F I N G L E S I D E

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

M AY 2 0 2 2 R E A L S I M P L E

3

MAY

/

GET IT DONE!

CONTENTS O N T H E C OV E R

74 Refresh Your Kitchen, Give a Sofa New Life, Nail That Gallery Wall & More 5 6 The Trick to Doing Way Less Laundry 6 4 Save Money Where You Spend It Most TO BUY: Saint Germain Lime

Paint; bauwerkcolour.com for info

74

116 108

74

102

108

116

122

GET IT D ONE!

BOUQUETS F O R DAY S

STICKY S I T UAT I O N S

Action plans, DIY ideas, and time-savers for every corner of your home

Make Mother’s Day flowers last a week (or more) by styling them into new arrangements

S AVO RY, S M O K Y, TA N GY, BRIGHT

THE MINDKITCHEN CO N N EC T I O N

All the flavors of your Mexican favorites— with none of the meat

Etiquette advice for group trips, weekend stays, and other summertime social events

Pantry and fridge staples that simplify eating for brain health

C o v e r P h o t o g r a p h b y Yu n h e e K i m 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

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MAY

/

GET IT DONE!

CONTENTS delights

lives

1 9 We’re Loving Family-style dining is even better with cheery tableware

guides

2 2 The Books List

A trick that makes peonies bloom on cue

47 Simple Twist

New releases for every literary taste

22

4 8 Things Cooks Know How to freeze anything (even eggs!)

2 4 Clever Items Little helpers to make your life easier

50 Room Rx

2 9 Sweet Stuff

A designer helps a windowblocking bed look good

Three-ingredient palmiers

52 10-Minute Organizer

30 Genius Beauty

Clear up entryway shoe chaos

A tiny but mighty blotting tool and more brilliant buys

5 6 The Power of Less

3 6 Space of the Month An outdoor oasis, created with just a few pieces

Realization Swimming in the sea taught Louise O’Neill

132

Save energy and effort with a greener laundry routine

58 Healthy at Home

4 4 My Simple

self-acceptance

9 0 5 Perspectives

Could your absentmindedness be adult ADHD?

Life lessons we can learn from the animal kingdom

95 Family Simple rules to follow when lending money to loved ones

9 9 The Helpful Mind Asking for help doesn’t have to be awkward—this guide shows how

food 1 31 In Season Ruffly and tender butter lettuce

1 32 Easy Dinners Fresh, family-friendly meals to simplify your weeknights

6 4 Money Smart ways to cut back in all your budget categories

6 8 Modern Manners Unstinting etiquette advice from Catherine Newman

7 2 Pets Why dog pee ruins lawns, and how to prevent it

1 0 Editor ’s Note

1 4 REAL SIMPLE Everywhere

1 6 Your Words

140

8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

1 4 0 Who Knew?

REAL SIMPLE (ISSN 1528-1701) (MAY 2022) (VOLUME 23/ISSUE 5) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY EXCEPT FOR COMBINED ISSUES IN JANUARY/FEBRUARY AND JULY/AUGUST BY TI GOTHAM INC. TI GOTHAM INC. IS A WHOLLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF MEREDITH OPERATIONS CORPORATION. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY ST., NEW YORK, NY 10281-1008. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NONPOSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, PO BOX 37508, BOONE, IA 50037-0508. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT #40069223. BN# 13200211RT001. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE: REALSIMPLE. COM/MYACCOUNT. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE REAL SIMPLE, PO BOX 37508, BOONE, IA 50037-0508. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME. FOR SYNDICATION OR INTERNATIONAL LICENSING REQUESTS OR REPRINT AND REUSE PERMISSION, EMAIL SYNDICATION@MEREDITH.COM.

EDITOR’S NOTE

a worker bee—at school, on the sports field, at the office, in life. I was also a bit of a kvetch back in the day.

I’d hustle to make a team, volunteer at the church soup kitchen, get a promotion, redecorate my apartment (OK, slap on a new coat of paint), and then, when I did, resent the added work, responsibility, time suck. I cringe thinking about it now.

What reformed me? Well, midcareer, I had a boss who was a very hardworking mom of two.

One day, I complained to her about some event I’d agreed to attend that night, wishing I could just go home and zone out to Downton Abbey.

(NB: I did not even have children yet.) And she said, “Sometimes these busy lives that we’ve created for ourselves can wear us out.” The part

I

1 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

’VE ALWAYS BEEN

that struck me and never left: “that we’ve created for ourselves.” I chose all of this. I asked for it.

I am so, so lucky to even have these choices.

I wanted this career, and (now) my husband and two kids, our nice home, to cook good food, to eat up life. I can feel burdened by it, or I can recognize that all this stuff fulfills me, even though it sometimes exhausts me. Be grateful for a full life and the to-do list that comes with it.

And here I am, the brand-new editor in chief of REAL SIMPLE, a magazine I’ve loved my entire adulthood, the one that best represents what a full life looks like to me. If you’re reading this, I’ll bet you agree. We’re here, we chose this, now let’s have at it. And don’t forget to love every minute. (Most of them, anyway.)

Which brings me to our “Get It Done!” story (page 74), with its focus on projects around the house, the back-burner stuff you’ll do “one of these days”: Finally putting up or updating your gallery wall. Making your bookcases shelfie ready.

Making the garage a nice place again. Rethinking your landscaping. Saving up for your dream kitchen.

(Or at least one in which you can fully open the fridge door? I may be projecting.)

These aren’t the churn-of-life, quotidian water-treading tasks that keep us afloat. These are the bigger projects we take on to make our homes better, prettier, more functional, more personal. I’ve got a whopper of a list myself, but I ain’t complaining.

Lauren Iannotti E D I TO R I N C H I E F

LET’S CONNECT!

Follow me on Instagram at @laureniannotti.

P h o t o g r a p h b y Pa o l a + M u r r a y

H A I R A N D M A K E U P B Y M I S U Z U M I YA K E AT C R E AT I V E M A N A G E M E N T

Getting It Done, Gratefully

What’s a silly thing you only do when you’re alone?

Lauren Iannotti EDITOR IN CHIEF

Emily Kehe CRE ATIVE DIRECTOR EXECUTIVE EDITOR Rory Evans EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR Lavinel Savu PHOTO DIRECTOR Muzam Agha

E D I TO R I A L

“Talk to my dog, Yooks, like he has a doctorate in psychotherapy.”

FE ATURES DIRECTOR Amy Maclin FE ATURES EDITOR Brandi Broxson SENIOR EDITOR Rachel Sylvester

Tiffany Ehasz VICE PRESIDENT, PUBLISHER

Kristin Guinan A SSO CIATE CI ATE PUBLISHER, MARKETING

“I start reorganizing my kid’s toys, clothes, and books.”

A DV E RT I S I N G S A L E S E A ST C OA ST E A STERN ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Lizzie Meier Utt INTEGR ATED ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Susan Schwartzman A SSO CIATE BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGER Alexia Vicario ACCOUNT DIRECTOR, NEW ENGL AND

Jennifer Palmer (WNP Media) ADVERTISING SALES A SSISTANT Hayley Solomon

EDITORIAL A SSISTANT Teddy Willson CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

Kristyn Kusek Lewis (books), Catherine Newman

FO OD FO OD DIRECTOR Jenna Helwig

M I D W E ST VICE PRESIDENT, GROUP SALES DIRECTOR Mindy Provenzano INTEGR ATED ACCOUNT DIRECTORS Margaret Graff, Jennifer Latwis ADVERTISING SALES A SSISTANT Teri Dasbach

W E ST C OA ST INTEGR ATED ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Janet Yano

FO OD EDITOR Lizzy Briskin

MARKETING B E AU T Y BE AUT Y DIRECTOR Heather Muir Maffei DEPUT Y BE AUT Y DIRECTOR Lisa DeSantis A SSISTANT BE AUT Y EDITOR Anneke Knot

“I take out a beach chair (even though I have patio furniture), close my eyes, and pretend I’m at the ocean.”

MARKETING DIRECTOR Allison Kelly ART DIRECTOR Sarah Massimo SENIOR MARKETING MANAGER Misty Chandler MARKETING CO ORDINATOR Lindsey Weiss ASSOCIATE COMMUNICATIONS MANAGER Katie Holzman

HOME HOME DIRECTOR Erica Finamore SENIOR HOME EDITOR Leslie Corona CONTRIBUTING HOME EDITOR Cat Dash

“Turn lights on in almost every room. I’m a bit of a fraidy-cat.”

C O N T E N T, S T R AT EGY & I N S I G H T S VICE PRESIDENT Andy Borinstein DIRECTORS Karen Bakos, Emily Fleishman SENIOR MANAGER Kseniya Ivnitskaya

FA S H I O N

MANAGER Maura Ruane

A SSO CIATE FA SHION EDITOR Flavia Nunez

P RO D U C T I O N , C I RC U L AT I O N & F I N A N C E A RT & P H OTO DESIGN DIRECTOR Deanna Lowe DEPUT Y PHOTO EDITOR Lawrence J. Whritenour Jr. SENIOR DESIGNER Lina LeGare

PRODUCTION DIRECTOR John Beard SENIOR PRODUCTION MANAGER Courtney Thompson DIRECTOR OF QUALIT Y Joseph Kohler COLOR QUALIT Y ANALYST Pamela Powers A SSO CIATE CONSUMER MARKETING DIRECTOR

P RO D U C T I O N EDITORIAL PRODUCTION DIRECTOR

Filomena Guzzardi

Lynn Bolinger NEWSSTAND RETAIL Rose Cirrincione EXECUTIVE BUSINESS DIRECTOR Janice Croat A SSO CIATE BUSINESS DIRECTOR Bryce Rockers

C O P Y & R E S E A RC H

ADVERTISING BUSINESS MANAGER Zena Norbont

COPY & RESE ARCH CHIEF Jenny Brown CONTRIBUTING SENIOR RESE ARCH EDITOR Maya Kukes

“Steal my daughter ’s loom bands and make bracelets like I’m in fifth grade.”

D I G I TA L

Mélanie Berliet SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, GROUP GENER AL MANAGER, HOME & DESIGN SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, GENER AL MANAGER Melissa Inman VICE PRESIDENT, GENER AL MANAGER Amanda Wolfe SENIOR EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Mickey O’Connor A SSO CIATE EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Jennifer Davidson SENIOR EDITOR, HOME Katie Holdefehr SENIOR EDITOR, FO OD Samantha Leffler HE ALTH & WELLNESS EDITOR Maggie Seaver BE AUT Y & FA SHION EDITOR Hana Hong A SSO CIATE EDITOR Morgan Noll SO CIAL MEDIA EDITOR Hali Potters PHOTO MANAGER Olivia Barr EXECUTIVE VIDEO PRODUCER Allie Merriam SENIOR VIDEO PRODUCER Jennifer Lomeli

1 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Alysia Borsa PRESIDENT, LIFEST YLE

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y C L A R E O W E N

“Have a dance party while I tidy up and do dishes. Disco ball, neon lights, and early 2000s music included.”

Long, lazy weekend. A calm, cool breeze. Your oasis awaits.

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IN YOUR WALLE T

A Wheelbarrow of Savings REAL SIMPLE readers score an exclusive discount on the Worx Aerocart on page 26.

Get 20 percent off at worx.com by using the code REAL20 at checkout. Offer valid through 5/31/22.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Yoco Nagamiya I L LU ST R AT O R

@yoconagamiya Go-to recipe: Chinese dumplings.

Dream vacation: I live in Osaka, and I’d like to cycle around Japan’s largest lake, Lake Biwa, near Kyoto.

Ideal day: It would include a trip to the local market, a nap, a jog, a bath, and a Korean movie before bed.

Check out Yoco’s illustrations on pages 68 and 70.

IN YOUR HOME

5 Items You’re Forgetting to Clean When was the last time you really, truly cleaned your can opener? Oh, did you not realize you could clean it? Our point exactly. Set aside 10 minutes to show overlooked items some TLC, and you’re in for a spruced-up space. Find our detailed grime-fighting guide at realsimple.com/ squeaky-clean.

ON INSTAGR AM ON THE WEB

Dozens of Great Gifts for Moms and Grandmas Show your mom—or aunt, sister, or friend—some love with 30-plus editor-approved presents.

Whether she’s into gardening or her grandkids, Wordle or birding, you’ll find something special at realsimple.com/mom-merch.

1 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Our Simply IGTV Series Discover practical tips for transforming your daily routine from host Brandi Milloy at @real_simple.

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: C O U R T E S Y O F YO C O N A G A M I YA ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ; C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R ; C O U R T E S Y O F R E A L S I M P L E . C O M ; G E T T Y I M A G E S

REAL SIMPLE Everywhere Find Exclusive Ideas, Tips, and Ways to Make Life Easier—Every Day

Automatic temperature & humidity control takes the guesswork out to keep your food fresh up to 3x longer.* ®

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YOUR WORDS

What Was Your Mom’s Mantra During Your Childhood?

“‘Those who are the unloveliest are the ones who need loving the most.’”

M A RY A N N E B A I L E Y, O R L A N D O, F LO R I DA

#RSLOVE

“‘If the only reason you’re doing something is that you think you should, don’t do it.’” @ M AC K E N Z I E S C H I EC K

“‘Everything is better after a hot shower and tea.’” “ ‘Well, it might not be fun, but it will be an adventure!’

She said this about anything from doctor’s appointments to vacations.”

MARTHA DELAFIELD, CHAPEL HILL, NORTH CAROLINA

“‘If you see an older person you know, say hello and remind them who you are.’ It’s nice to be remembered, and sometimes older folks feel forgotten.”

BRENDA KELEHER, HEBRON, CONNECTICUT

“‘Wait until you have children of your own.’

She was spot on!”

CAROL GELLER, MOUNT LAUREL, NEW JERSEY

LAURA SCHELLER, PHOENIX

“She asked three questions each night: ‘What did you do well today?

What could you improve on tomorrow? What is one more thing you did well today?’”

TRICIA GAYE JONES, BONITA, CALIFORNIA

“‘Good, better, best. Never let it rest till the good is better and the better best.’

My therapist just loves her.”

BONNY HERMANSON, ROCHESTER, NEW YORK

“‘A good cook cleans while she cooks.’ The meal is much more pleasant when you don’t have piles of dishes waiting.”

SUE VAUGHN, CASTLE ROCK, COLORADO

For sharing this photo with us, @mackenzieschieck will receive our special edition, The Power of Less. If you want your picture to be considered, tag photos on Instagram with #rslove.

1 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

“‘There is nothing you can do that will make me not love you.’

My mom had a tough relationship with her mother.

She would have loved to hear this.”

ARIEL FAULKNER-O’BRIEN, NATICK, MASSACHUSETTS

“‘It’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’”

JULIE DAMAVANDI, HENDERSON, NEVADA

“‘I don’t care how smart you are, but I do care how nice you are.’”

ELSIE MARTINSON, BOSTON

“I was a missionary kid in Mexico, and our family motto was ‘Be a blessing.’

I heard it every time I left the house. It’s now ingrained in my purpose, helping refugees find peace in the United States.”

O P P O S I T E PA G E : C O U R T E S Y O F M A C K E N Z I E S C H I E C K . T H I S PA G E : C O U R T E S Y O F B R E N D A M O S T E L L E R

SALLIE RUPE, SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA

“‘Do it with a happy heart.’ Before you commit, decide if you can give it your all and be happy doing it. If you can’t, don’t commit to it.”

TUANA BLEVINS, HOUSTON

“‘If you buy it good, you only buy it once.’ So true.”

VALERIE FELKER, FLINTSTONE, MARYLAND

“Generations of women in my family have said, ‘Give yourself a year.’

With life changes or big moves, this mantra reminds you to give yourself grace.”

ILANA SPAULDING, LAKEWOOD, OHIO

“‘Never wrestle a pig. You’ll both get dirty…and the pig likes it!’”

KEITH RITTENHOUSE, SHELBY, OHIO

“‘Life is so daily!’

Growing up, I had no idea what that really meant. I get it now!”

“‘Be good. Behave.

Be safe. I love you.’

I’m 33 years old, married, and living across the country from my mom, but at the end of every call she still repeats that mantra without fail, and I love it.”

JESSICA RYAN, ROCHESTER, NEW YORK

LIANNE HARSHBARGER, KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI

“‘It looks like the sun is trying to come out.’ She lived to be 96 and never lost her positive outlook or her hope for the sun.”

BETH HAHN, MUNCIE, INDIANA

READER OF THE MONTH

Paula Gallant, 57 FORMER HIGH SCHO OL E N G L I S H D E PA RT M E N T H E A D O N TA R I O, C A N A DA

(shown with her mother, Beverley Dale, left) What was your mom’s mantra?

“Some days are diamonds.”

It’s brilliant because it works for good and bad days. Like, this isn’t one of them—but there’s always hope tomorrow will be.

Who makes you laugh most?

My four boys, including my husband. Having grown up the middle of three girls, I find this male world frequently hilarious.

Where is your happy place?

An afternoon on Bothwell Beach on Prince Edward Island, followed by an evening of lobster and a family hum and strum.

What would you sing for karaoke night?

“Summer Nights.” I played Sandy in Grease in high school, and that song has been bouncing around my brain ever since.

What is the coziest thing in your home?

An indigo reading blanket.

Well, reading and napping. One often slides right into the other!

QUICK QUESTION

What’s the best advice you ever got about money?

Send an email to yourwords@realsimple.com and let us know your answer.

Your response could appear in the magazine!

M AY 2 0 2 2 R E A L S I M P L E

17

A P R I VAT E E S C A P E W I T H

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SEEDLESS LEMONS

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EASY COOKIES

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A PRETT Y PATIO

DELIGHTS WE’RE LOVING

Help Yourself, Everybody!

S e r ve u p a l a i d - b a c k s p r i n g m e a l fa m i l y - st y l e w i th th e s e cu te a n d c o l o r fu l s u p p l i e s .

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

BY C AT DA S H

PA RT Y F O W L

Guests will flock to this quart-size vessel to serve themselves drinks. When the party’s over, leave it on the sideboard as summer decor.

TO BUY: Flamingo Punch Bowl & Ladle Set, $59; markandgraham.com.

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

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DELIGHTS

1 3

2

5

6

4

8

Line with a towel or napkin to serve small nibbles like chips or pretzels.

7

1 R AINBOW

Everyone can pick a color from among these cheery melamine chopsticks and dig into Mother’s Day dim sum.

TO BUY: Rainbow Chopsticks Set, $39; store.moma.org.

2 SP OT ON

This mod take on classic camping cookware is light and durable for serving indoors and out. TO BUY: Splatter Oval Enamel Platter, $40; crowcanyonhome.com.

2 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

3 LINEAR LINENS

Mismatched stripes bring lots of color to your table.

And you’ll avoid whose-iswhose napkin confusion.

TO BUY: Stripe Napkins, $44 for 4; dusendusen.com.

4 COMING IN HOT

This casserole dish is ovenproof yet attractive enough to put on the table. Better yet, it can go into the dishwasher.

TO BUY: Hot Dish, $75; greatjonesgoods.com.

In this case, it’s totally appropriate to serve salad with your hands.

TO BUY: Serving Friends designed by Selena Liu, $40 per pair; areaware.com.

Use these mats individually, or line them up to create a graphic table runner.

TO BUY: Hexagon Placemats, $16 each; poketo.com.

6 B O W L G OA L S

8 IN THE LO OP

When this two-tone wire basket isn’t holding dinner rolls, it makes for an eyecatching fruit basket.

TO BUY: Octaevo Wire Basket, from $48; woonwinkelhome.com.

Protect your table from piping-hot dishes with a set of curvy plywood trivets.

TO BUY: Majamoo Birch Trivet Set, $39 for 2; finnstyle.com.

7 SHAPE-SHIF TER S

P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

COLLECTION

5 H A N DY H E L P E R S

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It’s kinda genius.

DELIGHTS

The Books List Top Picks for Every Taste

BY K R I ST Y N KU S E K L E W I S

Historical Fiction Twisty Page-Turner

Inspiring Autobiography

In Two Nights in Lisbon by bestselling author Chris Pavone, bookstore owner Ariel Price has accompanied her new, younger husband on a business trip to Portugal for a quick romantic getaway. But after she wakes up in their hotel room one morning and he’s nowhere to be found, she realizes how little she knows about the man she married. This smart and suspenseful thriller is the perfect escape to kick off your summer reading.

Molly Shannon’s book opens with the event that would shape the Saturday Night Live alum’s life: a car accident—with her father driving and 4-year-old Molly in the back—that killed her mother, younger sister, and cousin. What follows in Hello, Molly! is an incredible story of resilience (along with, of course, some laughs) showing how her upbringing influenced her remarkable career.

Warm and openhearted, this one feels like a conversation.

Consider getting the audiobook, read by the author herself.

ThoughtProvoking Memoir

The Evening Hero, the new novel by Marie Myung-Ok Lee, is about a Korean-born obstetrician facing his final years in the rural Minnesota town where he settled 50 years before.

He’s achieved the so-called American dream, but when his hospital is forced to close and he receives a letter that endangers all he’s built, he has to reexamine his choices.

This is a tender and shrewdly comic look at immigrant life, family, and how our past informs the future.

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

Pulitzer Prize finalist Chloé Cooper Jones was born with a rare condition called sacral agenesis, leaving her in chronic pain. In Easy Beauty, her globetrotting memoir that takes readers from bars in Brooklyn, New York, to a Beyoncé concert in Italy, she candidly describes what it’s like to inhabit a body that does not fit our culture’s standards of beauty.

Her story will make you think hard about how you regard the physical appearance of both yourself and others.

Illuminating Read

It’s 1973, and Civil Townsend has landed a nursing job at a familyplanning clinic in Alabama. She travels to a rural cabin to meet her first patients, 11- and 13-year-old sisters she’s supposed to inject with birth control, and learns that something sinister is afoot when it comes to how the local healthcare system treats poor, Black girls. Take My Hand by Dolen PerkinsValdez is a riveting, based-on-true-events story about a heartbreaking chapter in our country’s history.

2 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

ST. LOUIS 3:10 PM

AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, DISCOVERY IS HAPPENING. Not a second is lost in the fight to end Alzheimer’s for good.

Our groundbreaking actions establish foundations that make today’s advances possible. Like grant funding that expands international studies on the genetic causes of Alzheimer’s.

Learn more at alz.org/anygivenmoment

Clever Items Little Helpers to Make Your Life Easier

BY B R A N D I B ROXS O N

2 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

1 N E X T- G E N I N S TA N T JAVA

Coffee is brewed at 10 times its strength, then frozen in recyclable aluminum cups for peak flavor and freshness. Simply plop the puck into a mug and add hot water. TO BUY: Coffee, $64 for 32 cups; cometeer.com.

C O U RT ESY O F C O M E T E E R

DELIGHTS

Even when all your garbage is all gross. Glad® with Clorox bags eliminate TM

food and bacterial odors to keep all your trash all under control.

This product is bleach-free.

DELIGHTS

2

4

L OA D S O F U S E S

SQUEEZE WITHOUT SEEDS

3 S TA I N P O W E R

If you don’t have space for a shredder, this little ink roller will obscure names, addresses, and account numbers on anything you toss.

TO BUY: Guard Your ID Wide Advanced Roller, $16; containerstore.com.

7

5 HERE’S THE SCO OP

Use the outer and inner bands to scoop avocados and mangoes. Turn watermelon and cantaloupe into orbs with a twist of the melon baller.

TO BUY: Scoop Troop Set, $15; chefn.com.

2 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

This non-GMO fruit has everything you love about lemons—minus the seeds. Available from November through May. TO BUY: Seedless Lemons, from $3.50 for 1 lb.; wonderfulseedless lemons.com for stores.

6 G R AT E J O B

Clean your grill—then skip cleaning the wire brush.

Just attach one of the disposable food-safe wipes to this handled gizmo and scrub away grease and gunk. TO BUY: Q-Swiper BBQ Grill Cleaner Set, $16; amazon.com.

T H E C AT ’ S M E O W

This cat food bowl is elevated to prevent neck strain, lipped to reduce spills, and extra wide to ease “whisker fatigue” (a real feline affliction!).

TO BUY: Necoichi Extra Wide Ceramic Elevated Cat Food Bowl, $27; chewy.com.

P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

If a wheelbarrow and a Swiss Army knife had a baby, this would be it: an all-purpose pusher of things that converts to a hand truck, trailer, snow plow (with attachment), and more. Phew! TO BUY: Aerocart 8-in-1 Yard Cart, $200; worx.com (see page 14 for a discount).

GET AHEAD OF ECZEMA AND SHOW MORE SKIN DUPIXENT is a breakthrough eczema treatment that targets a key source of inflammation that can lead to uncontrolled moderate-to-severe eczema (atopic dermatitis).

Approved for ages 6 years and up.

Fast itch relief* Clearer skin that lasts* Not an immunosuppressant Not a cream or steroid *In a clinical trial at week 16, 59% of adults taking DUPIXENT + topical corticosteroids (TCS) had significantly less itch vs 20% on TCS only; 39% saw clear or almost clear skin vs 12% on TCS only. 36% saw clear or almost clear skin at week 52 vs 13% on TCS only.

CELISA, REAL PATIENT Individual results may vary.

TALK TO YOUR ECZEMA SPECIALIST AND GO TO DUPIXENT.COM TO FIND OUT MORE INDICATION DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 6 years of age and older with moderate-to-severe atopic dermatitis (eczema) that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin (topical), or who cannot use topical therapies. DUPIXENT can be used with or without topical corticosteroids.

It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with atopic dermatitis under 6 years of age.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION Do not use if you are allergic to dupilumab or to any of the ingredients in DUPIXENT®.

Before using DUPIXENT, tell your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions, including if you: have eye problems; have a parasitic (helminth) infection; are scheduled to receive any vaccinations. You should not receive a “live vaccine” right before and during treatment with DUPIXENT; are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known whether DUPIXENT will harm your unborn baby. A pregnancy registry for women who take DUPIXENT during pregnancy collects information about the health of you and your baby. To enroll or get more information call 1-877-311-8972 or go to https://mothertobaby. org/ongoing-study/dupixent/; are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known whether DUPIXENT passes into your breast milk.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins and herbal supplements.

Especially tell your healthcare provider if you are taking oral, topical or inhaled corticosteroid medicines or if you have atopic dermatitis and asthma and use an asthma medicine. Do not change or stop your corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine without talking to your healthcare provider. This may cause other symptoms that were controlled by the corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine to come back.

DUPIXENT can cause serious side effects, including: Allergic reactions. DUPIXENT can cause allergic reactions that can sometimes be severe. Stop using DUPIXENT and tell your healthcare provider or get emergency help right away if you get any of the following signs or symptoms: breathing problems or wheezing, swelling of the face, lips, mouth, tongue, or throat, fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded, fast pulse, fever, hives, joint pain, general ill feeling, itching, skin rash, swollen lymph nodes, nausea or vomiting, or cramps in your stomach-area.

Eye problems. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new or worsening eye problems, including eye pain or changes in vision, such as blurred vision. Your healthcare provider may send you to an ophthalmologist for an eye exam if needed.

Joint aches and pain. Some people who use DUPIXENT have had trouble walking or moving due to their joint symptoms, and in some cases needed to be hospitalized. Tell your healthcare provider about any new or worsening joint symptoms. Your healthcare provider may stop DUPIXENT if you develop joint symptoms.

The most common side effects in patients with atopic dermatitis include injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, and cold sores in your mouth or on your lips.

Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away. These are not all the possible side effects of DUPIXENT. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

Use DUPIXENT exactly as prescribed by your healthcare provider. It’s an injection given under the skin (subcutaneous injection). Your healthcare provider will decide if you or your caregiver can inject DUPIXENT. Do not try to prepare and inject DUPIXENT until you or your caregiver have been trained by your healthcare provider. In children 12 years of age and older, it’s recommended DUPIXENT be administered by or under supervision of an adult. In children under 12 years of age, DUPIXENT should be given by a caregiver.

Please see Brief Summary on next page.

© 2022 Sanofi and Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

DUP.21.12.0068

YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE FOR AS LITTLE AS A $0 COPAY.* CALL 1-844-DUPIXENT (1-844-387-4936) *THIS IS NOT INSURANCE. Not valid for prescriptions paid, in whole or in part, by Medicaid, Medicare, VA, DOD, TRICARE, or other federal or state

programs, including any state pharmaceutical assistance programs. Program has an annual maximum of $13,000. Additional terms and conditions apply.

®

®

DELIGHTS

SWEET STUFF

S H O R T C U T PA L M I E R S Sto re - b o u g ht p u f f p a st r y i s th e s e c ret to th e s e c l a ss i c Fre n c h c o o k i e s .

BY J E N N A H E LW I G

ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 35 MINUTES MAKES 16 COOKIES

2 1/2 Tbsp. turbinado sugar, divided 1 sheet frozen puff pastry (from a 17.3-oz. pkg.), thawed 1 large egg white oven to 400°F. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon sugar onto a large rimmed baking sheet. Unfold puff pastry sheet on sugar.

Smooth folds with your fingers and press down to adhere sugar to dough. Sprinkle top of pastry with 1 tablespoon sugar.

PREHEAT

roll short sides of pastry inward to meet in the middle.

Transfer rolled pastry to a cutting board. Trim and discard ends.

Cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices.

Place on rinsed, dried baking sheet lined with parchment paper, gently reshaping palmiers with your fingers as needed.

FO O D ST Y L I N G BY A L I R A M E E ; P R O P ST Y L I N G BY C H R I ST I N A DA L E Y

TIGHTLY

egg white and 1 teaspoon water in a small bowl. Brush palmiers with egg wash. Sprinkle with remaining 1/2 tablespoon sugar. Bake until golden, 18 to 20 minutes. Let cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Palmiers are best served the day they’re made.

WHISK

Photograph by Caitlin Bensel

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DELIGHTS

GENIUS BE AUT Y

Mini Mattifier P l u s f i ve oth e r s m a r t b u ys to s i m p l i f y yo u r ro u t i n e

BY L I S A DES A N T I S

This baby has a roller ball made with limestone clay and mineral silica, and it glides right over my skin to sop up sebum, tamp down T-zone shine, and leave a smooth, matte finish.

The rose-gold container is much tidier than a compact and brush, so I can throw it into my purse for touch-ups throughout the day—either on clean skin or over makeup.

TO BUY:

Blotter Baby, $22; jennypatinkin.com.

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY G L E N P R O E BST E L

To clean, pop out the ball and wash it with soap and warm water.

3 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

P h o t o g r a p h b y Yu n h e e K i m

DELIGHTS

2 B RO N Z E B O O S T E R

For glowier and healthier skin, this multitasking self-tanner is full of brightening niacinamide and hydrating hyaluronic acid. Use up to seven drops (alone or mixed into moisturizer) to customize your color.

TO BUY: St. Tropez Self Tan Tonic Glow Drops, $42; ulta.com.

1 N E AT E R P O L I S H R E M OV E R

The only thing I hate more than chipped polish is the messy removal process. But these plush pink cloths make the chore more enjoyable and sustainable—each one does the job of 60 cotton balls! After use, soak in acetone, rinse well, and toss into the laundry. TO BUY: Reusable Polish Remover Cloths, $10 for 3; tweezerman.com.

3 S K I N - P LU M P I N G PAT C H E S

The tiny nubbins—or “micro cones”—on these stick-on wrinkle smoothers are loaded with retinol.

They melt into the skin’s surface (you may feel mild tingling but won’t see any marks afterward) so the vitamin A can penetrate deeply and absorb quickly.

TO BUY: RoC Retinol Correxion Deep Wrinkle Targeted Patches, $18 for 6; target.com.

4 H A I R H Y D R AT O R

This is the Goldilocks of hair oils: not too heavy, not too sticky, but just right. The mist conditions, protects, and adds shine with nourishing but lightweight Mexican chia seed oil and aloe vera.

TO BUY: Oil Mist con Aloe Vera, $25; ceremonia.com.

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5 MAGIC BULLET

For a great lipstick wardrobe, you really only need two color families— reds and neutrals. Rihanna kept that in mind as she curated this new collection of 10 long-lasting pigments. Pick your shade and case, then swap out the bullet when done. TO BUY: Fenty Beauty Fenty Icon Refillable Lipstick, $12 for case, $20 for refill; ulta.com.

S M E A R : B R I A N H E N N ; P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

Spritz dry, damaged, or curly hair to give it extra moisture.

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“

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TimberTech® AZEK® decking shown in Weathered Teak®

TimberTech decks offer the natural look and beauty of real wood. And they’re engineered to last a lifetime— without any annoying or costly maintenance.

Order your free samples at TimberTech.com

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S PA C E O F T H E M O N T H

Made in the Shade S o m e key p i e c e s t ra n sfo r m a n o - fr i l l s p a t i o i nto a n i nv i t i n g l i v i n g s p a c e .

BY E R I C A F I N A M O R E

3 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

DELIGHTS

A ceramic garden stool can be a side table or extra seating.

Get the Look C H O O S E D UA LPURP OSE PIECES

The concrete firepit runs off a 20-pound propane tank, and Lisa loves that she can turn it on and off with a switch. When it’s not lit, she places a tray over it and uses it as a coffee table.

Meet the Owner LISA CHUN

C O U R T E S Y O F L I S A C H U N ( 2 ) ; P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

MIX SHAPES

A weather-worn patio and lackluster landscaping greeted Lisa and her family when they moved into their home in River Vale, New Jersey, five years ago. When Covid hit, Lisa upgraded the outdoor space so they could spend more time there. An avid (and talented!) DIYer, she built the sectional from plans she found online and ordered cushions from World Market. Then she put the couch and an egg chair around a firepit to create a focal point— and a place for s’mores happy hour.

The egg chair gives the space boho character, and the oval frame nicely contrasts with the boxiness of the L-shaped sofa and rectangular rug.

C OV E R YO U R B A C K

The 11-foot cantilever umbrella offers shade throughout the day, and the offset stand doesn’t hog center stage—or space.

Safavieh Lattice Petal Garden Stool, $145; bedbathandbeyond.com.

Nord Moroccan Tribal Indoor/Outdoor Flatweave Rug, from $39; wellwoven .com. Cane Fiber Tray, $60; crateandbarrel.com.

Opalhouse Southport Patio Egg Chair, $550; target.com. Hampton Bay Grove Park Concrete Firepit, $349, and Hampton Bay Aluminum Cantilever Umbrella, $389; homedepot.com.

Playa Sectional, $2,948; westelm.com.

TO BUY:

A handle lets you adjust the canopy angle for all-day sun protection.

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DELIGHTS

MY SIMPLE RE ALIZ ATION

“I Am More Than Just a Body” I r i s h a u th o r L O U I S E O ’ N E I L L s h e d h e r i n s e cu r i t i e s w h e n s h e re d i s c ove re d sw i m m i n g .

in West Cork, my feet caked in sand and seaweed braided through my hair.

My parents had told me about the old Irish myths of the selkies, so I imagined myself to be one, half human child, half sea creature.

I would swim constantly and never grow tired, for the water would hold and care for me as it had always done.

When I was a teenager, I packed away my dreams of being a mermaid. It had become clear there was a performance to being a girl, a dance I must learn. I would have to be pretty, sweet, thin.

I began to count calories, watching as my bones floated to the surface like driftwood. You look good, people said, but they soon became alarmed. You need to stop.

4 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

You’ve gone too far. They didn’t understand that it would never be far enough.

I gave up swimming, then.

It was impossible to take off my clothes and show my body to the world. Difficult to believe that I would float, that the water would still love me enough to hold me.

Recovery from my eating disorder took a long 17 years. And yet, even when I had learned not to view my body as the battleground upon which the wars were fought, I still did not go to the sea. Until one evening in June, a knock on the front door. A friend, Áine, wanted to go swimming. She grabbed my hand, ignoring my protestations—it’s too cold, it’s too late—and pulled me toward the ebbing tide. Trust me, she said.

So I did.

We stripped off our dresses and walked in, the water creeping up our ankles, then up our calves, rising to meet our waists. I took a deep breath and sank into the sea.

I could hear my friend laughing, the muffled sound shimmering through the waves. I floated to the surface again, feeling weightless.

I was more than just a body, I realized. I was something sacred.

Divine. I did not need to demand perfection, to deprive myself of joy until I thought I was good enough to deserve it. I would swim because I wanted to taste salt on my tongue. I would swim because I loved it, and that was enough. I lay on my back, staring at the ink-black sky. I had never seen so many stars.

LOUISE O’NEILL IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NOVELS ONLY EVER YOURS, ASKING FOR IT, ALMOST LOVE, THE SURFACE BREAKS, AFTER THE SILENCE, AND THE UPCOMING IDOL.

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y S A N N Y VA N L O O N / S H O P A R O U N D

I G R E W U P O N A B E AC H

Beyond the energy of Atlanta and the calm of the coast, lie the South’s finest mountain towns for outdoor enthusiasts and families alike. Set off for the north Georgia mountains and explore countless trails – from a short loop, to the southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail. Experience the charm of local shops and restaurants, or take in the awe-inspiring power of Toccoa Falls.

You’re ready for a Georgia getaway. Start your planning at ExploreGeorgia.org.

Toccoa Falls, Toccoa |

@gcalebjones

DON’T JUST PAINT IT. PROTECT IT. Made with advanced water-beading technology, Valspar Defense does more than just look great. It’s made for exceptional moisture protection.

MADE FOR MORE

FREEZER TRICKS

/

E A RT H-FR I EN D LY L AU N D RY

/

MAJOR MONEY SAVERS

GUIDES SIMPLE TWIST

Peony Blooms on Demand Don’t blink—you might miss peony season, which generally runs from April through June. But there’s an easy way to keep these favorite flowers at the ready. Buy a few completely unbloomed buds, wrap the stems in newspaper, and squirrel them away on a fridge shelf (not the door, which is too warm), says John Dole, executive adviser for the Association of Specialty Cut Flower Growers. The chilly controlled climate can help preserve them for up to—wait for it—six weeks, he says. For a special occasion, pull them out, cut an inch or two off the stems, and put them in a vase with flower food (or a mixture of equal parts water and regular lemon-lime soda). Within a day, the sleeping beauties will rehydrate, perk up, and start to bloom.

—Martha Upton

P h o t o g r a p h b y C h r i s t o p h e r Te s t a n i

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GUIDES

THINGS COOKS KNOW

How to Freeze Anything E x p e r t s d i s h o n h ow to p o r t i o n , sto re , a n d d efro st eve r y th i n g fro m s o u p to nu t s — l i te ra l l y.

BY L I Z Z Y B R I S K I N

Vegetables Portion: “Blanching vegetables

like peas, carrots, beets, and broccoli helps preserve texture, flavor, and color,” Marx says. Cut them into bite-size pieces. Boil in wellsalted water until they’re bright and crisp-tender (one to three minutes), then dry well. Freeze on a baking sheet for an hour before storing in an airtight container or bag for up to two months.

Cookie Dough Portion: Shape dough into balls

and freeze on a baking sheet for an hour. Then transfer them to an airtight container or bag.

Pizza and Bread Dough

Use: Bake straight from the freezer.

Portion: After the first rise, shape

“Frozen dough produces more tender treats. As water thaws in the oven, it gently steams cookies from the inside,” says Ali Rosen, author of Modern Freezer Meals.

dough into one-pound balls.

Freeze on a parchment-lined baking sheet for an hour, then transfer to an airtight bag for up to three months.

Herbs

Use: If the dough doesn’t have dairy

hot skillet, soup, or stew.

Portion: Put hard cheeses in zip-

or eggs, defrost at room temperature for up to two hours. Otherwise, thaw in the fridge overnight.

top bags, removing as much air as possible. Store liquids and soft cheeses in airtight containers.

Nuts

Use: Defrost in the fridge over-

Portion: “Unless you’re reaching

night. Milk, cream, and soft cheeses may separate in the freezer and thaw with a gritty texture. That’s OK for cooking, but not so fun served fresh.

for them regularly, freeze nuts and nut flours in airtight bags to prevent rancidity,” says Sasha Marx, senior culinary editor at Serious Eats.

Dairy

Use: Add frozen veggies to soups,

sauces, and stir-fries.

Portion: Fill an ice cube tray with herbs; cover with olive oil and freeze.

Use: Toss an herby cube into a

Even if you swear you’ll remember what’s in that bag, label and date everything you put in the freezer.

Use: Cook or bake from frozen.

For eating raw, thaw on the counter for 10 minutes.

4 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Illustrations by Adam Cruft

Raw Meat Portion: “Removing air from meat

is essential to preserve flavor and prevent freezer burn,” Rosen says.

Divide into individual servings and cover in several layers of plastic wrap or use a vacuum sealer.

Use: Defrost in the fridge. Consume

thawed ground meat and poultry within two days and beef and pork within five.

Most frozen foods are safe indefinitely, but for the best flavor— and least cluttered freezer—eat within six months.

Casseroles Portion: “For quick reheating,

Eggs Portion: Turn them and anything

else in the fridge (deli meat, cheese, veggies) into a frittata!

It freezes beautifully. If you have more eggs than time, beat eggs and freeze in a large ice cube tray for scrambles.

Use: Defrost overnight in the

fridge. Reheat whole frittatas in the oven or pop a slice into the microwave for an instant breakfast.

divide fully cooked and cooled casseroles into individual portions,” Rosen says. Whether you have single servings or an entire casserole, store in a freezer- and oven-safe glass container.

Use: Reheat single servings in the

microwave in one-minute intervals.

Warm an entire frozen casserole in a 350°F oven for about 30 minutes longer than the recipe’s cook time. Cover with foil or a lid for the first half to prevent drying out.

If in doubt, test with a thermometer: Your casserole is ready to serve when it reaches 165°F in the center.

If you’re giving a casserole to someone, be sure to include a note with reheating temp and time.

Bread Portion: If your family will finish

the loaf in a single day (a baguette, say), freeze it whole. If not, slice before freezing. Store the loaf or slices in a zip-top bag for up to three months.

Use: “Maintain a crunchy crust

and fluffy crumb by running a whole frozen loaf under water for a few seconds before reheating in a 350-degree oven,” Marx says.

Defrost slices in the toaster.

Grains Portion: Place single servings

of cooked and cooled grains in airtight containers or bags.

Use: Reheat from frozen in the

microwave or on the stove. Or stir frozen grains directly into soups or casseroles.

Fruit Portion: Chop fruit into bite-size

pieces. Place them flat in a ziptop bag in the freezer. Once solid, squeeze to separate the pieces and avoid clumps.

Use: Since defrosted berries

lose their firmness, use them for smoothies, sauces, and bakes.

Just toss them in still frozen.

Soups and Stews Portion: Put cooled dishes in

single-serving containers made of tempered glass.

Use: Defrost in the fridge overnight and reheat on the stove, or reheat from frozen in the microwave.

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GUIDES

RO OM Rx

Once Upon a Mattress I f yo u r b e d b l o c ks th e w i n d ow, d e s i g n e r E M I L I E M U N R O E s h a re s h e r t r i c ks fo r m a k i n g yo u r ro o m l o o k h a r m o n i o u s , n ot h a p h a za rd .

BY L E S L I E CO RO N A

Q: The only spot a bed will fit is in front of the window.

How do I set up the space without getting a bed that blocks light—or is so low I have to crawl into it?

—Elyse from Montclair, New Jersey

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+

1

2

3

4

R E S T YO U R H E A D

GET THE RIGHT LIGHTS

GO WIDE ON DR APES

C R E AT E A C O L O R P O P

A low, upholstered headboard will let you lean back without laying your head against glass, and also insulate against drafts. Place the bed a few inches from the wall so curtains close easily. TO BUY: Ava Emerald Queen Bed, $1,399; crateandbarrel.com.

Go with lamps and nightstands that jibe with your bed’s proportions. Lamps should be a bit taller than the top of the headboard, and the table’s surface should be level with the mattress. TO BUY: Modern Wood Column Table Lamp, $189; westelm.com.

Install a rod that extends at least a foot beyond each side of the window. This way you can push the curtains clear to let in more light, and it makes the window seem bigger.

TO BUY: Hearth & Hand with Magnolia Blanket Stitch Curtain Panel, $25; target.com.

Paint the window’s frame and dividers the same blue as the walls. The bold contrast with the green headboard will accentuate light filtering in.

TO BUY: Indigo Cloth by Valspar, from $26 per gallon; lowes.com.

5 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Submit your own design dilemmas to room.rx@realsimple.com.

Illustration by Babeth Lafon

P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

+

Photo: Shayan Asgharnia • Art director: Greg Garry • Makeup: Nicholas Wlodarski • Hair: Bradley Leake

GUIDES

10-MINUTE ORGANIZER

GIVE FO OT WE AR CLUT TER THE B O OT

Kick your family’s shoe pile into shape in a few easy steps.

BY L E S L I E CO RO N A

Costway 3-Tier Bamboo Shoe Bench, $100; overstock.com.

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

TO BUY:

5 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

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From the first piece of furniture to the finishing touches, The Home Depot® has decor that defines your style and completes your unique look. Shop homedepot.com/decor to get free and flexible delivery* with easy returns. *Free delivery on select items over $45

GUIDES

PA R E D O W N A N D P U T AWAY The first step to organizing is purging. Haul out all of your family’s shoes, sort them by person, and decide how many pairs everyone really needs.

To help whittle down your pile, ask, “Are these comfy? Do they still go with my overall style?”

Donate any that don’t pass muster. Have your kids try on every single pair of shoes, sneakers, and cleats, then donate the ones that are too small.

You can drop off unwanted pairs at DSW stores, and some Dress for Success locations take work shoes.

Zappos accepts boxes of up to 50 pounds and even pays for shipping.

Stow off-season keepers out of sight in boxes in a closet, in the basement, or under the bed. If you have leather shoes, put them in ventilated underbed boxes or bags to keep mildew at bay. No matter what material shoes are made of, clean them before putting them away, and place them toe to heel to maximize space. You can also stuff them with white tissue paper to help hold their shape.

M A I N TA I N W I T H O U T A M O U N TA I N Prevent the creep of shoe clutter by the entry.

Each family member should aim to have no more than two pairs out— one by the door, another in a closet or basket.

If you already have a console or entry table, place a few storage baskets underneath.

Go for roomy seagrass ones with handles, like the Ellery Belly Basket ($20; worldmarket.com).

Label each basket by family member.

Round out your shoe supplies with a boot tray, since you don’t want wet shoes on a shelf or in a basket, and boots often won’t fit there anyway.

Invest in a shoe bench— a real game changer that provides storage as well as a place to sit as you tie or untie. Open shelves let you easily see—and grab or put away—pairs. Avoid options with small cubbies: If it’s annoying to jam in shoes, your family won’t stick to the habit.

For narrow entryways, look for something with a thinner profile, like Ikea’s wall-mounted shoe cabinet.

Each family member can have their own slot.

Stow seasonal shoes in this 16-Compartment Organizer ($22; containerstore.com).

Its clear cover lets you spot pairs ASAP.

E N T RY B E N C H

You can sit, you can store shoes, you can slide sandals, flip-flops, and lowprofile sneakers beneath it (Safavieh Cricket Bench, $226; decormarket.com).

N E AT E N U P C L E AT S Stinky, muddy stuff can air out in the garage.

Use a tiered shoe rack and assign each jock in the family a shelf for their footwear.

O U R E X P E RT S TAMAR BAZIN, FOUNDER OF TIDEE LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY JULIE BESTRY, CERTIFIED PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER AND PRESIDENT OF BEST RESULTS ORGANIZING IN CHATTANOOGA, TENNESSEE

5 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

UNDERBED STOR AGE

WA L L- M O U N T E D O RG A N I Z E R

The nine-inch-deep Hemnes Shoe Cabinet ($130; ikea-usa.com) holds at least eight pairs and doubles as a drop zone for keys and mail.

P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

The mess of shoes in your entryway may give the casual observer the impression that dozens of people live in your home— not just a single family.

A shoes-off policy is a good way to keep floors clean, but no one wants a puddle of flats and sneakers by the door.

THE POWER OF LESS

A G R E E N E R L A U N D RY R O U T I N E

Your wash-dry-fold game is about to get way better for the planet—and your to-do list.

BY R AC H E L SY LV E ST E R

I N T H E O RY, YO U L OV E L AU N D RY— fresh

sheets, fluffy towels, all the clothes neatly folded and put away where they actually belong. In practice? It’s an uphill battle waged daily. Cycling through load after load is not just a drag on your schedule, it also hogs water and energy. The good news for your lights and darks: It’s possible to care for them and the planet simultaneously.

These tips help you cut back on chemicals, water, electricity, and time.

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Illustration by Marisol Or tega

GUIDES

A barely worn garment often just needs a spot treatment or a quick steam.

Get to Less L I G H T E N T H E N U M B E R O F L OA D S

Before tossing yet another item into your hamper, ask yourself if it truly looks (or smells) the worse for wear. A barely worn garment often just needs a spot treatment or a quick steam to help remove bacteria and loosen creases. Jeans only have to be washed every 10 wears, says Patric Richardson, author of Laundry Love, though they do need to be properly washed—the old “clean your jeans by popping them into the freezer” trick is a myth, he says. Revive bulky items, like sweaters and jackets, with a few spritzes of fabric-freshening spray, says Lindsey Boyd, cofounder of the Laundress. If the underarms on a knit need some TLC, lather them up with a bar of laundry soap, then wipe away suds with a lint-free cleaning cloth. Give them a good rinse in cold water to avoid soap buildup, which can make fabric feel unpleasantly crunchy.

WA S H I T E M S M O R E S U S TA I N A B LY

Roughly 90 percent of a washing machine’s energy goes toward heating water, according to Energy Star estimates, so opt for a cold cycle. Lean into your appliance’s express function, sometimes referred to as the “quick” or “speed” wash, Richardson advises. This shorter cycle—usually 30 minutes or less—requires less water and electricity. And launder full loads whenever possible. With liquid detergents, a little goes a long way: Just two tablespoons should suffice for a full load. Skip the

I F YO U D O J U S T ONE THING

concentrated pods, since liquid and powder detergents give you the most control over how much you use. Shop for dermatologistrecommended formulas free of parabens, phthalates, and artificial colors. Pardo Naturals ($13 for 32 oz.; pardonaturals.com) is a three-ingredient powder option for folks with sensitive skin. If you can’t kick your love of scented detergent, reach for an effective formula made with plantderived ingredients, like Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day Liquid Laundry Detergent ($16 for 64 oz.; target.com).

A D O P T B E T T E R D RY I N G S T R AT E G I E S

Unless you’re laundering delicates, select the high spin speed on your washing machine. This gets clothes as close to dry as possible, shortening their time in your dryer or on a rack, Richardson says. When it comes to towels, you can help keep them funk-free between washes by ensuring they dry completely after your shower: Hang them across a towel bar or rod, and avoid hooks, which can trap moisture. Of course, air-drying clothes is the greenest method. If that sounds time-consuming, skip it for socks, sheets, T-shirts, and underwear. Everything else can be laid on an aerated flat surface, draped over a drying rack, or hung on a clothesline.

Avoid fabric softener, dryer sheets, and in-wash scent boosters. Sure, they smell delightful, but they may contain ingredients that can irritate skin and diminish the breathability and absorbency of fabric over time (a huge bummer for those onceplush bath towels).

EXTR A CREDIT Rely on felted wool balls ($10 for 3; cleancult .com) to reduce drying time by up to 40 percent.

If you’re feeling fancy, Richardson recommends adding a couple of drops of peppermint or cinnamon essential oil to the balls before laundering to help boost that freshfrom-the-dryer scent.

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GUIDES

surrounded by sticky notes, each with a reminder: deadlines, dry cleaning, your (still unpaid) credit card bill. It’s the only way you can keep stuff from slipping out of your brain. You can’t manage to write one simple email, so you pick up your phone to check—wait, your sister tagged you on Instagram. You have a textathon and then go back to…what were you doing? How can it be 6 p.m.?

Can the kids eat cereal for dinner?

Do you have cereal?

Maybe you haven’t considered the possibility of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder because you think it’s for kids with ants in their pants. But in recent years, the rate of adult diagnoses has increased by 123 percent—four times the rate for kids—according to a study in JAMA. “Hyperactive” may not seem to describe you (you’re so exhausted, you’re considering intravenous Red Bull), but you don’t have to be hyperactive to have ADHD. “We used to distinguish between ADD and ADHD, but in the late ’80s the official term became just ADHD,” says Sari Solden, a psychotherapist and coauthor of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. “The condition has evolved past that stereotypical idea of the hyperactive little boy.”

To clear up a few other misconceptions about ADHD, read on.

YO U ’ R E AT YO U R D E S K ,

OMG, Is This ADHD? H ey — l o o k ove r h e re ! D o e s yo u r m i n d fe e l a s re st l e ss a s a b a r re l of m o n keys o n a s u g a r b i n g e ? M a y b e th a t ’s j u st m o d e r n l i fe … o r m a y b e i t ’s a d u l t A D H D.

BY A M Y M AC L I N

5 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

What is ADHD? First, here’s what it isn’t, according to the experts: a made-up excuse for laziness, or a quirk that justifies your social media addiction. “ADHD is a neurobiological condition that leads to structural, chemical, and arousal differences in the brain that impact

Photograph by Mar tí Sans

STO C KSY

H E A LT H Y AT H O M E

GUIDES

what’s called the executive functioning system,” Solden says. “It affects planning, organizing, and the ability to start work, stay on task, and maintain focus.” ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence, she adds, citing psychologist Thomas E. Brown, PhD, who used this metaphor: Imagine your executive functioning system as the conductor of an orchestra. The musicians might be great, but they can’t make music if there’s no conductor.

What causes it?

That’s still unclear, though there’s evidence of a genetic link: A child with ADHD has a 25 percent chance of having a parent with the condition. Other possible causes include certain brain injuries, premature birth or low birth weight, prenatal exposure to alcohol or nicotine, and environmental factors like lead exposure in utero or at a young age.

Could I have it?

Are you constantly in a frantic search for your keys? Does completing a task take you much longer than it seems to take other people? Do your friends count on you to be 10 minutes late?

Does the prospect of, say, doing your taxes fill you with such dread that you can’t even make yourself begin?

“Someone with ADHD knows there are consequences to avoiding taxes— but since those consequences are delayed, they aren’t feeling them right now,” says Nikki Kinzer, an ADHD coach and the host of the podcast Taking Control. “They may not be sure where to start, their paperwork may

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ADHD affects planning, organizing, and the ability to start work, stay on task, and maintain focus.

be a mess, or they may believe it will take a long time to do—and when an ADHD’er feels overwhelmed, the tendency is to shut down.”

Conversely, you may get so absorbed in some activities that an earthquake couldn’t pull you away. “One ADHD symptom can be hyperfocus,” Kinzer says. “Your attention locks in on what makes your brain excited, because that’s where the dopamine is.”

You may also struggle with intense feelings of sadness or anger, known as emotional dysregulation. “Your brain is moving so fast, you can’t process all the emotional stimuli, so it’s like getting half the picture,” says Sasha Hamdani, MD, a psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist in Leawood, Kansas. “You’re prone to jump to conclusions, like ‘This is an angry conversation,’ instead of looking for the nuances.”

There are three categories of ADHD, she adds: hyperactive, inattentive, and a combo of the two. If you have hyperactive ADHD, you may be antsy or “verbally impulsive—speaking over people, blurting out answers to questions,” Hamdani says. However, she adds, women are more likely to have the inattentive type, in which focus just drifts away. This is why men are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed. In childhood, when the condition typically begins, many girls are people pleasers, so they may mask their symptoms, Kinzer says. “They’ll show the signs of listening, even when they’re daydreaming or not following.”

As opposed to a hyperactive child, who may get attention because they’re disruptive, one with inattentive ADHD may be dismissed as spacey. “Also, girls and women may internalize their problems,” Solden says. “They may get diagnosed with anxiety or depression, which is common among those who have ADHD. The condition doesn’t get picked up until much later, when they hit a wall—either hormonally at puberty, or when they take on too much at college or work or while raising a family.” Or they may muddle through until menopause, when estrogen declines along with dopamine, exacerbating symptoms and making diagnosis particularly tricky: Are the brain fog and rage latent ADHD or the slings and arrows of the Change of Life?

This is sounding very familiar.

If any of the above symptoms hit home, consider getting evaluated by a psychiatrist, neurologist, therapist, or even general practitioner. “My patients and I do comprehensive interviews,” Hamdani says. “We talk about problems that may have come up during childhood, family history, and any other medical or psychological factors that could be contributing.”

As awareness of ADHD has increased, telehealth sites have popped up, sometimes offering a diagnosis based on answers to a few quick questions.

Hamdani urges caution: “I know that for some people, access to medical care is a travesty. But ADHD is multifaceted. You don’t want to wind up in a potential pill mill.”

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I’ve been diagnosed.

What happens now? *

ADHD—commonly treated with stimulants, like Adderall, to enhance the effects of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine— shouldn’t be considered a ticket for the Perky Pill Express. But medication can be truly helpful, Solden says. “You want to support the brain as well as possible. Medication can give you the boost you need to find other professional help, like a coach or a therapist.”

Stimulants can cause side effects (dizziness, insomnia, and in some cases, dry eyes), and they’re not a good idea for people with heart disease or high blood pressure—but more nonstimulant drugs are hitting the market all the time, Hamdani says.

A coach can help with practical strategies, like reminders and organizational systems, while a therapist can help with anxiety or depression, as well as low self-esteem, which also tends to come with the ADHD territory—especially for women, who often feel pressure to organize not only their own lives but their family’s too.

Finally, get adequate hydration, nutrition, and rest (especially important if you’ve been self-medicating with horse doses of caffeine, leading to a vicious cycle of sleepless nights, sluggish mornings, and more caffeine).

And give yourself a break. “You want to help yourself, but you also don’t want to feed into the idea that if you try hard enough, you’ll be fixed,” Solden says. “Fixing is for furniture.

You don’t have to change in order to live a fulfilled life.”

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6 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

ADHD SOS Quick tips for days when you’re really out of focus R E T R E AT I N TO S U R RO U N D S O U N D Noise-canceling head-

phones block out distractions: Try listening to YouTube videos featuring ambient sounds, like a café or city street, or Spotify white-noise playlists, which can help you focus.

G E T G R A N U L A R W I T H YO U R TO - D O L I S T Objectives like

“Write report” may be too broad.

Instead, be super specific: “Gather sales figures,” “Make spreadsheet,” “Choose cover template.”

C H A N G E U P T H E S C E N E RY

Move from your couch to your bedroom, or from your desk to a conference room. Extra points if there’s a window: Sunlight may help you stay alert.

R E S P EC T YO U R R H Y T H M S

If you’re a night owl who does your best creative work in the afternoon or evenings, start with administrative tasks and save brainstorming for later.

B E R E A L I S T I C W I T H YO U R S C H E D U L E You probably chron-

ically underestimate the amount of time you’ll need to accomplish something, so instead of listing 10 things, try picking two: one for the morning and one for the afternoon. If you have a great day and can fit in more, rejoice!

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GUIDES

MONEY

Save Where You Spend Most T h e th i n g s yo u n e e d , l i ke g ro c e r i e s a n d u t i l i t i e s , ta ke a c hu n k o u t of yo u r wa l l et . Bu t th e n , s o d o th e th i n g s yo u wa nt — l i ke t ra ve l a n d d i n i n g o u t .

S o w h e re c a n yo u cu t b a c k ? Eve r y w h e re ! O u r ex p e r t s s h ow yo u h ow.

BY B E T H B R AV E R M A N

THE SPEND

GRO CERIE S Thanks to inflation, a grocery trip might feel more like Supermarket “Steep.” Food prices have shot up by an average of 7 percent in the past year, with meat, poultry, and fish costs climbing 12 percent, according to the Consumer Price Index.

THE CHALLENGE:

Shop your fridge first.

Before you go to the supermarket, clear out anything past its prime, note what’s still good, and plan meals that incorporate those items.

You’ll buy less, eliminate food waste, and make space in your fridge.

T H E H A B I T:

Little Ways to Save You can shave 5 to 50 percent off your bill this way, says MaryEllen Lynch, a principal consultant at the market research firm IRI. You’ll likely see some of the biggest savings with inflation-prone products, like meat and dairy. “Shopping the store brands has cut over $100 out of my monthly grocery budget,” says Kumiko Love, founder of the Budget Mom, an online financial platform.

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P h o t o g r a p h s b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

SWITCH TO STORE BR ANDS

Switching to store brands can shave up to 50 percent off your bill.

“Buying a block of cheese to grate yourself, for example, is less expensive than buying packaged shredded cheese,” says Kimberly Palmer, a personal finance expert with NerdWallet. (Shredded cheese can be 25 percent more expensive.)

Nix the precut vegetables too.

GO DIY

P O W E R U P YO U R S M A RT P H O N E

You can find coupons and deals on many supermarket apps. Save even more by using a cash-back app, like Ibotta or Checkout 51 (free; iOS and Android). “Scan or upload your receipts after your shopping trip, and you’ll be rewarded on qualifying purchases,” says Julie Ramhold, a consumer analyst with DealNews.

“As grocery stores experience shortages on select meats and produce, frozenfood prices have generally been stable,” says Kristen Gall, a retail expert and the president of Rakuten Rewards. Frozen strawberries, for example, can be almost half the cost of fresh, according to the data service IRI Integrated Fresh—and they’re less likely to spoil.

year ago, according to broadband company OpenVault, partly because more of us work from home.

Check your bills regularly, especially if you’ve set up autopayments. You’ll notice when providers increase prices or add fees—and you can make sure you’re not paying for services you don’t use. If you are, you can alert the company and negotiate a lower fee.

T H E H A B I T:

H I T T H E F ROZ E N A I S L E

THE SPEND

UTILITIES Keeping the lights on is getting more expensive. Energy prices have risen by 27 percent over the past year, and the cost of phone service has also ticked up, the Consumer Price Index shows. Meanwhile, we’re using an average of 13 percent more bandwidth than we were a THE CHALLENGE:

Little Ways to Save I N S TA L L P RO G R A M M A B L E

You pay a bit more for these thermostats (they’re about $60 to $200), but the ability to control them from your phone—even when you’re not home—can help you spend less on energy. “Adjusting our thermostat by a couple of degrees has led to dramatic savings,” says Andrea Woroch, a consumer finance expert. You can save as much as 10 percent a year on heating and cooling by adjusting your thermostat by 7 to 10 degrees for eight hours a day when you’re asleep or away, according to the U.S. Department of Energy.

T H E R M O S TAT S

Call your utility company and ask if you can switch to “time of use” billing, says Alejandra Mejia Cunningham, an advocate with the NRDC. This means you’ll get a lower rate on electricity used outside of highU S E E N E RGY O F F- P E A K

demand periods. “Changing my routine to turn on the dishwasher or wash clothes late at night has let me maximize those off-peak hours and save money,” says Sahirenys Pierce, founder of Poised, an online finance and lifestyle platform. Check whether your appliances have a delayed-start feature, which can make this switch even easier.

RE THINK YOUR INTERNE T PACK AGE

Most families, even with multiple people working from home, only need about 100 megabits per second (Mbps)—about a 10th of the full gigabit offered by some internet providers, says Ben Kurland, cofounder of BillFixers, which helps consumers negotiate down their bills. “If you’re getting 250 Mbps and you’re having internet slowdowns, you should rule out problems with your router and modem before upping your internet speed,” he adds. Not sure what speed you have? Test it out at fast.com.

N E G O T I AT E F O R C H E A P E R C A B L E

Start by asking for the retention department, where reps have more leeway to offer you a deal, says Brian Keaney, cofounder of the negotiation company Billshark. He recommends politely telling the rep that you’re planning to cancel service.

After they suggest a lower price, ask if they can do better. Often the first offer is not their best. “If you feel like you’re not getting anywhere with the rep, politely end the call and call back,” he says.

M AY 2 0 2 2

REAL SIMPLE

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GUIDES

THE SPEND

VA C A T I O N S T H E C H A L L E N G E : The cost of flying

is projected to increase by 3.3 percent this year, while auto rentals could go up by almost 4 percent and hotels could spike by 13 percent (!), according to the Global Business Travel Association.

Moving your flight or hotel stay by a day or two could make a big difference. A domestic flight on a Tuesday or Wednesday, for example, costs an average of $82 less than the same flight on a Sunday, according to CheapAir.com.

T H E H A B I T:

Little Ways to Save “They have great trips, and as a member, you can get perks like money back,” Love says. On costcotravel.com, recent airfare and hotel packages for Hawaii and Los Cabos, Mexico, were priced at least 15 percent lower than comparable trips on other sites.

C O N S I D E R C O S T C O TRAVEL

Little Ways to Save THE SPEND

H AV E A S N A C K AT H O M E F I R S T

R E S TAU R A N T S

“Just like going to a grocery store hungry makes you buy more food, so does going to a restaurant while you’re starving,” says Janelle Axton, a travel expert and blogger at Make the Trip Matter. No appetizers needed!

Nearly 4 in 10 consumers said they planned to splurge at a restaurant or bar this year, reports the research firm McKinsey & Company. But dining expenses have increased by around 20 percent over the past two years, and they’re expected to climb higher in 2022, says Robert Byrne, director of consumer and industry insights at Technomic.

THE CHALLENGE:

Call in your order and pick it up. Getting delivery via an app can add 15 percent to your bill, on top of the $2 to $5 delivery fee, McKinsey & Company finds. You’ll support your fave eatery by saving them middleman fees. And considering the markup for wine can be 200 percent (yikes!), order in and save dining out for special occasions.

Since beef and chicken have been hit hard by inflation, now is a great time to try out that vegetarian meal on the menu. “Think pasta dishes, eggplant Parmesan, and tofu,” Woroch says.

SKIP THE STEAK

T H E H A B I T:

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O P T F O R C O C K TA I L S OV E R W I N E

To avoid that crazy wine markup, order a mixed drink instead, says Yankel Polak, head chef at ButcherBox, a meat delivery service. “Classic cocktails with the house liquor will keep you on budget,” he adds.

Smaller cars cost less to rent and typically have lower fuel usage. Choosing an economy vehicle over full-size can shave 15 percent off the price, according to the website Kayak. If the rental agency runs out of the smaller size, they may upgrade you for free, Ramhold says.

G O C O M PA C T

The Capital One Venture X Rewards and American Express Platinum cards offer 75,000 to 100,000 points to certain cardholders (with some spending minimums). This can help cover the flight or hotel. “Do the spending to get the bonus, but only on things you were going to buy anyway,” says Benét Wilson, senior editor at the Points Guy. O P E N A R E WA R D S C A R D

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LIVES

Modern Manners Advice for Your Social Quandaries

BY C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N

A . B . A S K S…

My husband is best man at a wedding. The couple has asked that I help out, along with nine other “volunteers,” by arriving early to set up and decorate. We are to transform the ceremony space into a dinner venue while other guests enjoy cocktails. Afterward, we’ll stay to tear down and clean up. The couple has gone this route to cut costs.

Am I supposed to move furniture in my strappy sandals?

Would it be rude of me to offer to pay for a couple of helpers for the night instead?

M .T. A S K S…

Our new neighbor offered to take our annual family portraits. We never discussed a fee. She did a great job (this process is usually a nightmare for my family), and we brought her a nice gift and treated her to dinner in appreciation. A few weeks later, she sent an invoice for five times what we typically spend! We like this new family, but we are unwilling to pay that much and were never prepared to.

How should we handle this?

H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E S T I O N ?

Hover your phone’s camera here to submit your question for Catherine, or email her at modernmanners@realsimple.com.

6 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Relationships with professionals can be confounding. I’d freely ask an expert friend for advice (as they, I hope, would ask me), but if our roofer neighbor replaced our decrepit shingles, I’d assume he’d be sending along a bill. When in doubt, clarify the terms of the arrangement: “Can you please tell me your rates before we proceed?” Too late now, of course. Consider it a lesson learned—an expensive one– unless you truly can’t afford the fee, in which case you can say so.

“This is really awkward,” you might say, truthfully, “but I had no idea it would be this much.”

Then tell her what you can pay.

That’s a big ask, definitely— and it stretches the definition of “guest.” Offering to hire helpers would signal your unhappiness while providing no tangible benefit to the couple, since they’re not expecting to pay for this service anyway. You can politely decline if the request leaves you aggrieved, especially if you’re worried about the difficulty of the physical labor.

That said, I’m more inclined to think you should bring comfy shoes and (sorry) suck it up.

Other people’s weddings are not about you. But being in the chosen inner circle is, and it might turn out to be a surprisingly fun place.

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My brother and I (and our spouses) treated my parents to a vacation to thank them for all they do for our kids (school pickups, babysitting).

But once we got to the hotel, they insisted on paying for everything—from day trips to drinks to tips. Now we feel like we didn’t get them anything. What should we do?

Here’s my distillation of your problem: “Everyone in my family is too generous!” I understand you wanted to spoil your parents, but imagine being them—how thrilled they must be that their kids grew up to be so loving. In the end, it probably doesn’t much matter who spent what, and it sounds like your parents are more comfortable treating you. Insisting on paying might ultimately take more than it gives, so just enjoy the time you spend together. I’m sure your parents do.

My friend got her dog certified as an emotional support animal. She’s suggested that she did it only so she could bring him everywhere. I judge her for this, but should I say or do anything about it?

There are plenty of logistical and ethical problems with this move. Untrained, fraudulently certified pets can distract or disturb actual working animals.

They can sour businesses—and individuals—on the entire enterprise of legitimate service animals. And they can scare people who are afraid of dogs.

Nevertheless, when it comes to mental health, it’s good practice to question whatever we think we know about people. Maybe your friend is struggling in ways she doesn’t want to discuss. Or she’s caninely self-medicating in ways she doesn’t understand herself. Or she just wants to keep her dog with her and doesn’t care if she’s selfishly hurting other people. If you’re absolutely certain it’s that, assume she doesn’t comprehend the wrongs of gaming a system. “I know you don’t mean to hurt anybody,” you can say, “but what you’re doing could have negative consequences for people with disabilities.” Then explain how.

A B O U T C AT H E R I N E The author of What Can I Say? A Kid’s Guide to Super-Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself, Catherine Newman gets advice from her husband and two opinionated, largely grown children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

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GUIDES

PETS

Keep Your Dog from Destroying the Lawn T h e g ra ss i s a l wa ys g re e n e r — w h e n yo u r d o g d o e s n’t p e e o n i t . H e re’s h ow to w i n th e t u r f wa r.

BY J U N O DEM E LO

Why Does Dog Pee Kill Grass?

Can I Get My Dog to Pee Somewhere Else?

My Dog Already Peed on the Lawn. Now What?

It’s a common misconception that the acid in urine turns grass yellow or brown. In fact, the real culprits are the nitrogen and salt in pee. When urine hits grass, it sucks the moisture out of the plant cells, leaving behind a “burn” spot. Female dogs generally do more damage to grass because they squat, emitting a more concentrated stream than male dogs do.

It takes some effort, but it can be done. First, teach your pup to urinate on cue: Follow them into the yard and say something like “Go pee” or “Get busy” right before they pee, then treat them afterward. After a week or two, start walking them on a leash to where you want them to pee, like a patch of gravel, mulch, or artificial turf that’s easy to hose off (such as LifeProof Pet Turf, from $3.90 per sq. ft.; homedepot.com).

Then say your cue and treat them after they pee. If you’re wondering whether you can just give your dog a lawn-saving oral supplement, vets recommend against it because it could harm your pet.

If your dog is stubborn (or you’re not up to training), dilution can be a solution to pollution. Whether they keep pouring one out in the same place or like to keep you guessing, “flush” the spot with a hose, bucket, or watering can.

O U R E X P E RT S

FRANK S. ROSSI, PHD, ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR OF HORTICULTURE AT THE SCHOOL OF INTEGRATIVE PLANT SCIENCE AT CORNELL COLLEGE OF AGRICULTURE AND LIFE SCIENCES MICHAEL SHIKASHIO, CERTIFIED DOG BEHAVIOR CONSULTANT

7 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

G E T T Y I M AG ES

SHEA COX, DVM, MEDICAL DIRECTOR OF BLUEPEARL PET HOSPICE

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Twinkly eyes. Shinier coats.

With science-led nutrition, you can feel the difference.

©2022 Hill’s Pet Nutrition, Inc.

Get It Done !

Grab a pen and cross those lingering “someday ” tasks of f your list— we have ideas, shor tcuts, and easy DIYs for every corner of your home.

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3 D V i s u a l i z a t i o n b y Yo u S e e S t u d i o

@ YO U S E E . S T U D I O

GUIDES

IN THE LIVING ROOM

Curate a Gallery Wall in 3 Steps

1

P I C K YO U R A RT

Think beyond classic artwork and choose a mix of paintings, photos, and heirlooms for a personal look, says Mariam Naficy, founder of the online art store Minted. “Turn your grandmother’s silk scarf or dad’s sports memorabilia into wall decor by framing it,” she says. If you’re starting with a blank wall, focus your search around a color palette or primary subject (flowers, say). Go bigger than you think you need to, in terms of both frames and number of items.

When art is too small for a wall, it can make the room feel kind of sad.

2

MAP IT OUT

3

HANG IT ALL

Before you bust out the hardware, decide on the best arrangement. If you’re hanging a set of same-size artwork, try a grid pattern. If you have a bunch of frames in different sizes, go with a more irregular grouping: Place your largest piece near the center and work around it. Put all the frames on the floor and play around with the setup, then trace each frame onto kraft or construction paper, cut it out, and stick it to the wall with painter’s tape. “You’ll immediately get a sense of how the art will fit in your space,” Naficy says.

Aim to have the center of the arrangement at eye level. Leave three to six inches between frames to give them room to breathe—and yourself flexibility for future swaps or additions. If you think you’ll update often and don’t want to turn your walls into Swiss cheese, hang frames with damage-free hardware, like Command Brand Picture Hanging Strips (from $5; homedepot.com).

If it’s a heavy piece, like a mirror, use a stronger hook (3M Claw Drywall Picture Hanger, $5; homedepot.com).

I l l u s t r a t i o n s b y S a m Ka l d a

C L A S S U P YO U R B O O KC A S E S The best-looking bookshelves are actually only half filled with reading material.

“A shelf jammed with books can seem cluttered and overwhelming,” says Lela Burris, founder of Organized-ish. Take down all your books and purge or donate with ruthless efficiency. Return the keepers to your shelves, and incorporate collectibles and plants, which will encourage the eye to explore. Aim to place one favorite piece on each shelf, then add books and other accents. For visual interest, Burris says, stack some books and stand others upright; arranging them tallest to shortest will look the most tidy. Use lidded woven baskets or stackable storage boxes to hide less attractive items, such as internet routers, games, and books that don’t fit the vibe you’re going for (like that GRE study guide!).

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GUIDES

IN THE LIVING ROOM

R E S U S C I TAT E YO U R S O FA If your couch has seen better days (and many tushes), there are simple and affordable ways to spruce it up.

For the butt-shaped divot created during two years of WFH’ing: Flip the cushion

over or, better yet, remove each foam insert, wrap it in layers of batting (like Mountain Mist Polyester Craft Quilt Batting, $9; amazon.com), and replace. It might be a tight fit, so enlist a helper to pull the fabric together as you zip.

For pilly fabric: Gently scrape

off the nubs with a fabric defuzzer. We like Conair’s Fabric Shaver ($15; target.com).

Give the Fireplace a Face-Lift Warm up the look of your working or decorative fireplace with fresh color (and a bit of elbow grease).

The cheapest, easiest option is to put fireproof tiles directly over the existing design, says Jasmine Roth, an interior designer and builder. Use thinset, a heat-resistant adhesive, to stick the new tiles on top of the old ones, and finish the edges with rounded-side tiles.

FOR FO R A WO WOR R KI K IN N G TI T I L ED E D FI R REPL E P L ACE

Cover it with shiplap or tongue-and-groove boards painted a crisp white or moody gray, says Roth, an HGTV host.

You could also try peel-and-stick wallpaper or tile.

FOR FO R A D DECO ECOR R AT ATII VE V E FI R REPL E P L ACE

Layer paint, limewash, or concrete stain on top of stone—just be aware there’s no going back with these permanent options, Roth says. If you really want to start from scratch, plaster over the whole thing, and fill all the cracks and crevices for a smooth finish and brand-new look.

FOR FO R A WOR WO R KI K ING N G OR DECOR D ECOR ATI AT I VE V E STON STONE E FI R REPL E P L ACE AC E

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For stained fabric:

Consider investing in a washable slipcover, says Albert Nakash of Bettertex, an upholstery refinishing company in New York City. The budget buy is a flex-to-fit version, but for a more tailored option, check out performance-fabric picks from Comfort Works, which makes covers for lots of models of upholstered furniture from big home retailers (like Ikea and West Elm).

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Discover how to organize and personalize a special activity space for your child to draw, play, read, and more.

See how damage-free Command™ Brand products can help it come to life.

1

TRY THESE DIY PROJECTS MAKE AN ART WALL

1

Put your little artist’s masterpieces on display by clipping them to a piece of baker’s twine with mini clothespins.

Then, secure the twine to the wall with Command™ Clear Medium Hooks.

2

2

3

SET UP A CREATION STATION Inspire creativity by keeping art supplies organized and within reach. Hang small buckets above your child’s desk with Command™ Clear Large Hooks and fill them with crafting essentials.

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BUILD A BOOK NOOK

Encourage recreational reading by curating a cozy area. Mount Command™ Picture Ledges to the wall like floating bookshelves and add comfy seating.

Scan the code with your phone for step-by-step instructions and visit command.com for helpful products that can be applied easily and removed damage-free.

GUIDES

E XTEND YO UR ISL AND In an entire house of comfortable chairs and sofas, everyone still wants to congregate in the kitchen and lean against the island as you cook. To create a space for them to sit, you may simply need to put a larger countertop on your existing island. In a smaller kitchen, a counter with a six-inch overhang, paired with backless stools, should be enough for sitting and enjoying a drink. If you want to eat a meal there, you’ll need an overhang of at least nine inches, ideally a foot. Make sure your appliance doors can still open and people can walk comfortably around the island. Also keep in mind that the farther out the overhang goes, the heavier the counter gets; you’ll need support from brackets or a wooden skirt and legs (like the ones from tablelegs.com).

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P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S . H A M P T O N B AY C U S T O M T H E R M O F O I L C A B I N E T D O O R , $ 3 5 . 5 0 ; H O M E D E P O T. C O M .

M O D H E X B R A S S P U L L , $ 1 6 ; E M T E K . C O M . R E T R O S PA C E T I L E I N M O D E R N W H I T E , $ 8 . 5 0 P E R S Q . F T. ; D A LT I L E . C O M F O R S T O R E S

IN THE KITCHEN

Tweak Your Kitchen to Be Timeless Design trends cycle so quickly, it doesn’t take long for some parts of your kitchen to feel like a time capsule. (Is the green glass tile of the 2000s the avocado Formica of the 1970s?)

Whether you’re renovating or DIY refreshing, you can trendproof the overall look, says Beth Brenner, president of cabinet-makeover company Semihandmade.

FO R C A B I N E T S A few coats of white paint

could bring dark wood cabinets up to date.

“White kitchens are always very popular,” Brenner says. If new doors and drawer fronts are in your budget, she recommends Shakerstyle cabinets, which typically have a frame around the edges. The thinner the frame, the more modern the look.

FO R P U L L S A N D K N O B S If your kitchen

could accessorize, it would get new hardware.

Handles come in standard sizes, like 3½ or 5 inches between screw attachments. Look for handles the same size as your existing ones, so you don’t have to drill new (and fill old) holes.

FO R B A C K S P L A S H White subway tiles are

still going strong. If you want them to have style staying power, use light or even white grout.

Dedicate a Drinking Fountain The average American family spends $100 a year per person on bottled water, generating nearly 2 million tons of plastic bottle waste. Eek! By installing a separate faucet for drinking water (Glass Filler, $308; elkay.com for info) or an in-wall bottle filler (ezH2O Liv Dispenser, from $1,613; elkay.com for info), you can save money and help the environment. A licensed plumber can install it in a few hours.

Stock Your Pantry Like a Pro There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all pantry, says organizer Shira Gill, author of Minimalista. Start by making a list of the foods you always want handy, based on your household’s tastes and needs (do you pack lunches?

Is someone vegan?). Then assign each pantry section a category: canned goods, lunch supplies, snacks, baking supplies, pasta and rice, sauces, oils and vinegars. Remove everything from the pantry, and keep only what was on your list—and what you’ll actually use (if you haven’t touched cake flour in three years, let it go!). Place items on their designated shelf, using clearly labeled bins and baskets (gang all your food coloring and flavor extracts into a baking box, rather than fussing with those tiny bottles). For easy access, Gill recommends a pull-out drawer system, such as the Ash Wood Roll-Out Cabinet Drawers (from $56; containerstore.com).

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GUIDES

IN THE BEDROOM

Darken the Shades, Refresh the Screens Blackout curtains are the gold standard for darkening a room and—by extension—sleeping well. You can add blackout liners to existing curtains, says designer Anna Franklin of Stone House Collective, or go with blackout Roman shades for a minimalist look. Blackouts have another perk: When they’re down, they help insulate the room—keeping it warm in the winter and cool in the summer, potentially lowering energy bills.

While you’re giving your windows the once-over, clean your screens, which are magnets for dust and dirt.

Pop them off and hose them down outside with light water pressure to remove debris. Then wash with a soft-bristle brush or a cloth and a mixture of dish soap and water. Rinse again, wipe off excess water, and let the screen dry fully before reinstalling.

R E J U V E N AT E YO U R M AT T R E S S

Fire Up a Cozy Glow If you want the look of warm incandescent light bulbs but not their energy use, try LED Edison bulbs, like the Vintage Style line from GE (from $7.50; lowes.com). They emit a honey-colored glow that practically replicates the vibes of a fireplace— at just five watts, no less.

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A mattress should last between 7 and 10 years (up to 3,650 sleeps!), and the key to longevity is flipping and turning—the mattress, that is, not your body.

Spring and memory-foam versions benefit from a head-to-foot rotation every six months, says Russell Jelinek, director of product engineering at the mattress company Casper. Once a year, flip it over completely, as long as you have a twosided mattress. How do you know? If your mattress only has a plush pillowtop on one side, then it’s not flippable, and you should replace it sooner.

Set Up a Stylish Work-from-Home Space Look for underused areas—like the guest room or finished basement if you live in a house, says Nedra Davis, a designer and blogger at Brickendhaus. If you have a smaller space, carve out a pocket in the corner of the living room or bedroom. “A space with natural light is a bonus, as it will help keep you energized,” she says.

M AR K THE MARK T H E SP S P OT

The musts are a desk, a chair, and good lighting.

Before you take out your credit card, shop your home—repurpose a lamp, small table (even a bar cart), and chair from other rooms. If you don’t have space for a standard desk, consider a ladder desk, which provides a small work surface plus shelving, or a wall-mounted folding table that tucks away (like the Bjursta, $45; ikea-usa.com). Make sure the office elements match the rest of the room: “Use similar colors and patterns for any artwork or desk accessories,” Davis says.

GAT H E R YO U GATHER UR R EQ UIPMENT UIPMENT

CLUT TERPRO OF YO UR CLOSE T You probably don’t need a bigger closet. You definitely do own too much stuff: It’s estimated that most people wear just 20 percent of their clothes 80 percent of the time. Jenna Haefelin of Spiff, a homeorganizing company in Westchester, New York, suggests going through everything and asking yourself: “Have I worn this in the past six months?

Do I feel good when I wear it?

Is it a well-made staple I can wear for years? Is there a happy memory attached to it?”

If you answer yes to three out of four, keep it. Everything else must go.

For the keepers, Haefelin recommends these strategies for storing: Hang coats, blazers, and going-out shirts on their own sections of the rod, organized by color. Fold sweaters, jeans, and T-shirts and place them in baskets (like the Woven Paper Bin, $28; containerstore.com) on labeled shelves. Every cubic inch can be used for storage, so think about shoeboxes for the floor, hanging racks for the ceiling, and over-the-door shelves. Haefelin uses the highest spots to store offseason items.

To keep work from infiltrating your home life, hide office equipment in decorative baskets and small containers.

Put documents, files, and your laptop in a bin with a lid (like the Kuggis, from $3; ikea-usa.com), and corral pens and pencils in cute canisters.

STA S SH H IIT T AWAY AT T THE HE E END N D OF T THE H E DAY

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GUIDES

I N T H E B AT H R O O M

If your bathroom feels a little last decade (or century) but you don’t have the budget for a full remodel, designer Kristen Peña of K Interiors suggests these changes.

S WA P T H E FAU C E T S

In the past, the trend was low, squat faucets. For a modern look, go for a gooseneck or squared gooseneck shape.

Look for a finish that matches your other existing hardware.

U P DAT E TO W E L B A R S

For a trendproof option, choose bars with a slightly rounded rectangle end.

(We like the Kayra Towel Bar, from $55; build.com.) If you want to keep your existing ones but they’re a bit rusty, spray them with undiluted vinegar, let it sit for 10 minutes, then scrub with a sponge.

M A K E OV E R T H E VA N I T Y

If you have a veiny red oak cabinet that screams 1980, prime it and paint it white or off-white. If you have a flaking Formica countertop, replace it with a durable engineered stone. Depending on the size, you may be able to get a bargain on a remnant from the stone cutter.

TR ADE IN YO UR TUB S W I TC H T H E L I G H T I N G

A little thing—stepping in and out of a tub—can become a lot harder as you get older. If you know you want to age in place, consider hiring a contractor to convert your tub into a walk-in shower, says Paul Kacaba, owner of Multi-Trade Building Services in Ontario, Canada. (Be warned: This project could get pricey, depending on your footprint.) If it’s the only tub in your home and you’re worried about eventual resale, don’t alter the dimensions too much, so the next owners can easily put a tub back.

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For the most flattering lighting, install lights on both sides of the mirror instead of over it.

This will take an electrician a few hours.

P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S . D E LTA FA U C E T N I C O L I W I D E S P R E A D B E N T S P O U T B AT H FA U C E T, $ 2 8 7. 5 0 ; L O W E S . C O M . D E LTA FA U C E T K AY R A 2 4 " T O W E L B A R , $ 7 0 ; B U I L D . C O M . S I L E S T O N E Q U A R T Z C O U N T E R T O P I N C A L A C AT TA G O L D , F R O M $ 1 9 . 5 0 ; H O M E D E P O T. C O M . K E Y S T I C K W A L L S C O N C E , $ 1 9 9 ; R E J U V E N AT I O N . C O M

Modernize Without Renovating

Make a Plan to Fund Your Renovation Upgrading bathrooms and kitchens increases resale value, says Rachel Stults, cohost of the Realtor.com podcast House Party. The total budget—and how quickly you can pay off a loan—will determine the kind of financing you need.

If your credit is good, a credit card with a long 0 percent APR introductory period might be your best bet, as long as you pay it off before the rate goes up.

C AN A N YO U PAY I T OFF I N L E SS THAN T H AN A YE Y E AR? AR ?

Look into a Heloc loan, which stands for home equity line of credit, says Kate Wood, homes and mortgage expert with NerdWallet. Essentially, you borrow against the value of your home, and the bank approves you up to a certain amount. Then you withdraw only what you need, and repay in monthly installments.

D O YO U N E ED E D MORE M OR E TI T I ME? ME?

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GUIDES

IN THE BASEMENT

L E V E L U P Y O U R P L AY R O O M When your kids were little and you made a toy room for them in the semifinished basement (a Lego table, a slime station), they really just wanted to be near you, so they brought their mess to you. Then they became teenagers, and suddenly they do want their own space—to hang with their friends and their phones and certainly not their parents. So see ya later, Lego table, and hello, cushiony spots where they can flop (like a sofa, or Moon Pod or Yogibo beanbags). Add LED light strips, and most importantly, strong Wi-Fi. That’s not always easy in basements, so you might want to get a signal extender, like one from Eero (from $69; amazon.com).

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You want to Netflix and chill— not stare at My Octopus Teacher–like Teacher –like wires hanging from your wall-mounted flat-screen. The easiest way to hide them is with a cordconcealer kit that you can paint to match the wall.

The Cordline Wall Cable Channel ($20; containerstore .com) fits four cords. For the AP class of TV hanging, hide the wires behind drywall with an in-wall concealment kit.

We like Legrand ($100; bestbuy.com) for its step-bystep video instructions. It requires a few tools—a drywall saw, level, stud finder, and drill or screwdriver—but delivers pro-style results.

P R O D U C T I M A G E C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

Hide All the TV Wires

I Have A Pantry YES

NO

I Wish Others Envied YES

NO

I F YO U S A I D Y E S , W E S AY

Welcome to The Organization

©2022 The Container Store Inc. All rights reserved. 53779 2/22

GUIDES

OUTDOORS

GROW YO UR CURB APPE AL Even when you’re not looking to sell your home, it’s crucial for your place to have curb appeal, says Rani Dorman, owner of Blooming Urban Design Scapes in New York City. To get instant impact, she recommends placing an oversize pot or planter on either side of your front door. For immediate, affordable, and very noticeable greenery, add some potted ferns to the front porch, says Eduardo Rodriguez, a designer in New York City. Either potted or planted hydrangeas (like Summer Crush Bigleaf Hydrangeas, from $50; endlesssummerblooms.com) bring bursts of color to front gardens and shrub beds, and a fresh layer of mulch will help keep weeds at bay.

Go with a darker brown mulch and plant bright flowers so the colors pop.

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GUIDES

Plant Some Privacy If a low (or no) fence leaves you feeling a bit exposed, create a screen with a lot of greenery.

Try the leafy Schip or Skip laurel, which can flourish in shade, or the conifer Green Giant arborvitae, which grows very quickly. “Err on the side of shade tolerance when in doubt,” says Anthony Cortese, owner of Split Rock Design in Maplewood, New Jersey.

G O FO R H A R DY E V E RG R E E N S

Round out the privacy screen with cedar, juniper, spruce, or holly for a natural-looking mixture of hues and shapes. If your neighbor has a plant you love but can’t name, use the PictureThis app (free; iOS and Android) to help identify it. Or, you know, just ask.

A D D VA R I E T Y A N D V I S UA L I N T E R E ST

The waiting is the hardest part of gardening. Unlike a fence, trees require patience. “There’s an old saying: ‘The first year, they sleep. The second, they creep.

And the third, they leap,’” says Blythe Yost, cofounder of the landscape-design platform Tilly.

G I V E P L A N T S RO O M TO G RO W

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OUTDOORS

GUSSY UP THE GAR AGE FLO OR After a winter of drips and leaks, the garage floor is ready for degunking.

To treat oily splotches, sprinkle some cat litter or sawdust to sop up the grease. Let it sit, and sweep to remove. Then apply a degreaser like dish soap or powdered laundry detergent to the stain. Scrub with a stiff brush or broom to lift away residue. And if you want to make your garage floors less porous and easier to clean, Aaron Cash, cofounder of Garage Living in Ontario, Canada, recommends hiring a pro to apply polyaspartic coating.

P R O D U C T I M A G E C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U FA C T U R E R S

Make It Safer Think like a crook and case the joint—that is, walk around the outside of your house. Where would you break in? (Or, when you lost your keys, where did you break in?) Ground-floor doors and windows—especially sliding glass doors—are some of the most common targets of burglars, says Amy Nagy of the home-security company SimpliSafe. Install a DIY security system (we like the Essentials Kit, $275, or Foundation Kit, $245; simplisafe.com) and outfit windows and doors with sensors. In the event of shattering, glass-break sensors on sliding doors will notify you (and your phone), and entry sensors will ping if windows are ajar.

Plus, the base station for these sensors can alert the police if you’re not around.

Reported and written by Jenny Brown, Brandi Broxson, Leslie Corona, Rory Evans, Erica Finamore, Jenna Helwig, Maya Kukes, Rachel Sylvester, Martha Upton, and Teddy Willson

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H OW TO LOA N M O N E Y TO FA M I LY

/

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP

LIVES

5 PERSPECTIVES

What We Can Learn from Animals Our furr y and fe athere d friends have a lot to te ach us humans ab out p atience, b onding, p arenting, and more.

STO C KSY

BY C H R I S C A N D E R

9 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

Photograph by Jovana Rikalo

1 Give others space.

2

“If you restrain animals who are afraid, you’ll only worsen their fear.

Instead of roping horses, we give them the freedom to move, to escape, and to choose. From a distance, we direct them until they learn they’re safe. This approach takes time, but it builds trust. People are no different. You can’t force a teenager to deal with their trauma without giving them time and space.

You can’t order them to trust you, or corner them and expect openness in return. All you can do is be patient.”

Make eye contact, and mean it.

“I once saw a video about a giant Pacific octopus who’d nearly escaped his aquarium enclosure, and I couldn’t help wondering what he had been thinking. Where was he trying to go? If you have the chance to look closely at an octopus, it can be unnerving.

Their eyes are complex, and their curiosity is marvelous. It can feel like you’re the one inside the tank, being observed. That’s also true of many other animals—they seem to really see us. In fact, they can often make us feel seen in ways other humans can’t.

When we’re too distracted to pay attention to one another, that kind of relationship with an animal can be incredibly validating.”

SHELBY VAN PELT, AUTHOR OF REMARKABLY BRIGHT CREATURES

GRANT GOLLIHER, HORSE TRAINER AND AUTHOR OF THINK LIKE A HORSE

5 Animals can often make us feel seen in ways other humans can’t.

3 When you’re happy to see someone, show it!

“Dogs never get tired of greeting others. It’s an essential ritual in their social lives. Similarly, female elephants put their trunks in one another’s mouths to establish their bond. This type of overt acknowledgment is important for humans too. We crave attention: Smiling at someone or sharing a hug does wonders for our relationships. At a time when we’re often interacting online, greetings strengthen our connections even more.”

CAITLIN O’CONNELL, PHD, BEHAVIORAL ECOLOGIST AND AUTHOR OF WILD RITUALS: 10 LESSONS ANIMALS CAN TEACH US ABOUT CONNECTION, COMMUNITY, AND OURSELVES

4 Try a little tenderness.

“Gorillas are honest in their emotions and behaviors. Some mature males (known as silverbacks) start playing with their offspring when the babies are just old enough to walk. These fathers can weigh over 400 pounds, yet when they tickle their young, they’re so gentle. Their main role is to protect the family, yet they’ll spend many patient hours with their kids when they recognize that the mother needs a break. If we emulated these aspects of gorilla societies, our human ones would improve.”

Be truly present.

“Humans tend to live mentally in either the past or the future. We multitask, we criticize ourselves, we get overwhelmed with disappointment and anxiety. Our pets, on the other hand, live in the now.

When you come home, your dog doesn’t care if you screwed up at work. To him, the sunshine of his heart has just walked in the door.

Animals can teach us that we don’t have to prove anything to be valued.

Try this: Spend a few minutes totally focused on your pet. Look into his eyes and see the unconditional love.

You’ll be drawn into the present moment, which anyone who meditates will tell you is where we should try to be.”

LINDA BENDER, DVM, AUTHOR OF ANIMAL WISDOM: LEARNING FROM THE SPIRITUAL LIVES OF ANIMALS

JILL MOYSE, CURATOR OF PRIMATES AT THE LINCOLN PARK ZOO IN CHICAGO

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OPZELURA is a prescription medicine used on the skin (topical) for short-term and non-continuous treatment of mild to moderate eczema (atopic dermatitis) in non-immunocompromised people 12 and older whose disease is not well controlled with topical prescription therapies or when those therapies are not recommended.

SAY HELLO TO OPZELURA. A STEROID-FREE CREAM FOR MILD TO MODERATE ECZEMA THAT WORKS TO HELP CLEAR SKIN AND REDUCE ITCH. Not a steroid, pill, ointment, or injection.

Helps provide eczema relief you can see in as little as eight weeks.

ASK YOUR DERMATOLOGIST ABOUT OPZELURA. VISIT OUR SITE AT OPZELURA.COM

INDICATION AND USAGE OPZELURA is a prescription medicine used on the skin (topical) for short-term and non-continuous treatment of mild to moderate eczema (atopic dermatitis) in non-immunocompromised people 12 and older whose disease is not well controlled with topical prescription therapies or when those therapies are not recommended.

The use of OPZELURA along with therapeutic biologics for atopic dermatitis, other JAK inhibitors, or strong immunosuppressants such as azathioprine or cyclosporine is not recommended.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION OPZELURA cream is for use on the skin only. Do not use OPZELURA cream, in your eyes, mouth or vagina.

OPZELURA may cause serious side effects, including: Serious Infections: OPZELURA cream contains ruxolitinib. Ruxolitinib belongs to a class of medicines called Janus kinase (JAK) inhibitors.

JAK inhibitors are medicines that affect your immune system. JAK inhibitors can lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections. Some people have had serious infections while taking JAK inhibitors by mouth, including tuberculosis (TB), and infections caused by bacteria, fungi, or viruses that can spread throughout the body.

Some people have been hospitalized or died from these infections.

Some people have had serious infections of their lungs while taking OPZELURA. Your healthcare provider should watch you closely for signs and symptoms of TB during treatment with OPZELURA. OPZELURA should not be used in people with an active, serious infection, including localized infections. You should not start using OPZELURA if you have any kind of infection unless your healthcare provider tells you it is okay. You may be at a higher risk of developing shingles (herpes zoster) while using OPZELURA. Increased risk of death from all causes, including sudden cardiac death, has happened in people taking JAK inhibitors by mouth.

Cancer and immune system problems: OPZELURA may increase your risk of certain cancers by changing the way your immune system works. Some people have had lymphoma and other cancers while taking JAK inhibitors by mouth, especially if they are a current or past smoker. Some people have had skin cancers while taking OPZELURA. Your healthcare provider will regularly check your skin during your treatment with OPZELURA. There is an increased risk of major cardiovascular events such as heart attack, stroke or cardiac death in people with cardiovascular risk factors and who are current or past smokers while using JAK inhibitors to treat inflammatory conditions.

Blood clots: Blood clots in the veins of your legs (deep vein thrombosis, DVT) or lungs (pulmonary embolism, PE) can happen in some people taking OPZELURA. This may be life-threatening.

Low blood cell counts: OPZELURA may cause low platelet counts (thrombocytopenia), low red blood cell counts (anemia), and low white blood cell counts (neutropenia). If needed, your healthcare provider will do a blood test to check your blood cell counts during your treatment with OPZELURA and may stop your treatment if signs or symptoms of low blood cell counts happen.

Cholesterol increases: Cholesterol increase has happened in people when ruxolitinib is taken by mouth. Tell your healthcare provider if you have high cholesterol or triglycerides.

Before starting OPZELURA, tell your healthcare provider if you: • have an infection, are being treated for one, or have an infection that keeps coming back • have diabetes, chronic lung disease, HIV, or a weak immune system • have or had TB, or have been in close contact with someone with TB • have had shingles (herpes zoster) or hepatitis B or C • live, have lived in, or have traveled to certain parts of the country (such as the Ohio and Mississippi River valleys and the Southwest) where there is an increased chance for getting certain kinds of fungal infections. These infections may happen or become more severe if you use OPZELURA. Ask your healthcare provider if you do not know if you have lived in an area where these infections are common.

• think you have an infection or have symptoms of an infection such as:

◦ blood in your phlegm ◦ diarrhea or stomach pain ◦ weight loss ◦ warm, red, or painful ◦ burning when you skin or sores on your urinate or urinating more often than body usual ◦ feeling very tired • have ever had any type of cancer, or are a current or past smoker • have had blood clots in the veins of your legs or lungs in the past • have high cholesterol or triglycerides • have or have had low white or red blood cell counts • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if OPZELURA will harm your unborn baby. There is a pregnancy exposure registry for individuals who use OPZELURA during pregnancy. The purpose of this registry is to collect information about the health of you and your baby. If you become exposed to OPZELURA during pregnancy, you and your healthcare provider should report exposure to Incyte Corporation at 1-855-463-3463.

• are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if OPZELURA passes into your breast milk. Do not breastfeed during treatment with OPZELURA and for about 4 weeks after the last dose.

After starting OPZELURA: • Call your healthcare provider right away if you have any symptoms of an infection. OPZELURA can make you more likely to get infections or make worse any infections that you have.

• Get emergency help right away if you have any symptoms of a heart attack or stroke while using OPZELURA, including: ◦ fever, sweating, or chills ◦ muscle aches ◦ cough or shortness of breath

◦ discomfort in the center of your chest that lasts for more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back ◦ severe tightness, pain, pressure, or heaviness in your chest, throat, neck, or jaw ◦ pain or discomfort in your arms, back, neck, jaw, or stomach ◦ shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort ◦ breaking out in a cold sweat ◦ nausea or vomiting ◦ feeling lightheaded ◦ weakness in one part or on one side of your body ◦ slurred speech • Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any signs and symptoms of blood clots during treatment with OPZELURA, including: swelling, pain or tenderness in one or both legs, sudden, unexplained chest or upper back pain, or shortness of breath or difficulty breathing.

• Tell your healthcare provider right away if you develop or have worsening of any symptoms of low blood cell counts, such as: unusual bleeding, bruising, tiredness, shortness of breath or fever.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements.

The most common side effects of OPZELURA include: pain or swelling in your nose or throat (nasopharyngitis), diarrhea, bronchitis, ear infection, increase in a type of white blood cell (eosinophil) count, hives, inflamed hair pores (folliculitis), swelling of the tonsils (tonsillitis), and runny nose (rhinorrhea).

These are not all of the possible side effects of OPZELURA. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. You may also report side effects to Incyte Corporation at 1-855-463-3463.

Please see the Brief Summary of the Medication Guide for OPZELURA on the next page.

You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit MedWatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

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OPZELURA is a trademark of Incyte. Incyte and the Incyte logo are registered trademarks of Incyte. © 2022, Incyte Corporation. MAT-OPZ-00589 02/22

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Brief Summary of Medication Guide for OPZELURA™ (ruxolitinib) Cream After starting OPZELURA, call your healthcare provider What is OPZELURA? right away if you have any symptoms of an infection.

OPZELURA is a prescription medicine used on the skin OPZELURA can make you more likely to get infections (topical) for short-term and non-continuous treatment or make worse any infections that you have. of mild to moderate eczema (atopic dermatitis) in non-immunocompromised people 12 and older whose • Increased risk of death from all causes, including sudden cardiac death, has happened disease is not well controlled with topical prescription therapies or when those therapies are not recommended. in people taking JAK inhibitors by mouth.

• Cancer and immune system problems.

The use of OPZELURA along with therapeutic OPZELURA may increase your risk of certain cancers biologics for atopic dermatitis, other JAK inhibitors, or by changing the way your immune system works. strong immunosuppressants such as azathioprine or Some people have had lymphoma and other cancers cyclosporine is not recommended. while taking JAK inhibitors by mouth, especially if they It is not known if OPZELURA is safe or effective in are a current or past smoker. Some people have had children less than 12 years of age. skin cancers while taking OPZELURA. Your healthcare Important: OPZELURA cream is for use on the skin provider will regularly check your skin during your only. Do not use OPZELURA cream, in your eyes, treatment with OPZELURA. Tell your healthcare mouth or vagina. provider if you have ever had any type of cancer.

What is the most important information I should • Increased risk of major cardiovascular events know about OPZELURA? such as heart attack, stroke or death has happened OPZELURA may cause serious side effects, including: in people with cardiovascular risk factors and who are current or past smokers while using JAK • Serious Infections. OPZELURA contains ruxolitinib. inhibitors to treat inflammatory conditions.

Ruxolitinib belongs to a class of medicines called Get emergency help right away if you have any Janus kinase (JAK) inhibitors. JAK inhibitors are symptoms of a heart attack or stroke while using medicines that affect your immune system. JAK OPZELURA, including: inhibitors can lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections. Some people have had serious ○ shortness of breath ○ discomfort in the infections while taking JAK inhibitors by mouth, with or without center of your chest including tuberculosis (TB), and infections caused by chest discomfort that lasts for more bacteria, fungi, or viruses that can spread throughout than a few minutes, ○ breaking out in a the body. Some people have been hospitalized or died cold sweat or that goes away from these infections. Some people have had serious ○ nausea or vomiting and comes back infections of their lungs while taking OPZELURA. ○ feeling lightheaded ○ severe tightness, ○ weakness in one part or pain, pressure, or ○ Your healthcare provider should watch you closely on one side of your body heaviness in your for signs and symptoms of TB during treatment chest, throat, neck, ○ slurred speech with OPZELURA. or jaw OPZELURA should not be used in people with an active, ○ pain or discomfort in serious infection, including localized infections. You your arms, back, neck, should not start using OPZELURA if you have any kind jaw, or stomach of infection unless your healthcare provider tells you it is okay. You may be at a higher risk of developing • Blood clots. Blood clots in the veins of your legs shingles (herpes zoster) while using OPZELURA. (deep vein thrombosis, DVT) or lungs (pulmonary Before starting OPZELURA, tell your healthcare embolism, PE) can happen in some people taking provider if you: OPZELURA. This may be life-threatening.

• are being treated for an infection ○ Tell your healthcare provider if you have had blood • have had an infection that does not go away or that clots in the veins of your legs or lungs in the past. keeps coming back ○ Tell your healthcare provider right away if you • have diabetes, chronic lung disease, HIV, or a weak have any signs and symptoms of blood clots during immune system treatment with OPZELURA, including: • have TB or have been in close contact with • swelling, pain or tenderness in one or both legs someone with TB • sudden, unexplained chest or upper back pain • have had shingles (herpes zoster) • shortness of breath or difficulty breathing • have had hepatitis B or C • live in an area, or have lived in an area, or have traveled See “What are the possible side effects of to certain parts of the country (such as the Ohio and OPZELURA?” for more information about side effects.

Mississippi River valleys and the Southwest) where Before using OPZELURA, tell your healthcare there is an increased chance for getting certain kinds provider about all of your medical conditions, of fungal infections. These infections may happen or including if you: become more severe if you use OPZELURA. Ask your healthcare provider if you do not know if you have lived • have an infection • have or had tuberculosis (TB), or have been in close in an area where these infections are common. contact with someone who has TB • think you have an infection or have symptoms of • have had shingles (herpes zoster) an infection such as: • have or had hepatitis B or C ○ fever, sweating, ○ weight loss ○ warm, red, or painful skin • have had skin cancer in the past or chills • are a current or past smoker or sores on your body ○ muscle aches ○ cough or shortness ○ diarrhea or stomach pain • have or have had low white or red blood cell counts ○ burning when you urinate • have high levels of fat in your blood (high cholesterol of breath or triglycerides) or urinating more often ○ blood in • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not than usual your phlegm known if OPZELURA will harm your unborn baby. ○ feeling very tired

• Pregnancy Exposure Registry. There is a pregnancy exposure registry for individuals who use OPZELURA during pregnancy. The purpose of this registry is to collect information about the health of you and your baby. If you become exposed to OPZELURA during pregnancy, you and your healthcare provider should report exposure to Incyte Corporation at 1-855-463-3463.

• are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if OPZELURA passes into your breast milk. Do not breastfeed during treatment with OPZELURA and for about 4 weeks after the last dose.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Know the medicines you take. Keep a list of them to show your healthcare provider and pharmacist when you get a new medicine.

What are the possible side effects of OPZELURA? OPZELURA may cause serious side effects, including: • See “What is the most important information I should know about OPZELURA?” • Low blood cell counts. OPZELURA may cause low platelet counts (thrombocytopenia), low red blood cell counts (anemia), and low white blood cell counts (neutropenia). If needed, your healthcare provider will do a blood test to check your blood cell counts during your treatment with OPZELURA and may stop your treatment if signs or symptoms of low blood cell counts happen. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you develop or have worsening of any of these symptoms: ○ unusual bleeding ○ bruising ○ tiredness ○ shortness of breath ○ fever • Cholesterol increases. Cholesterol increase has happened in people when ruxolitinib is taken by mouth.

Tell your healthcare provider if you have high levels of fat in your blood (high cholesterol or triglycerides).

The most common side effects of OPZELURA include: • pain or swelling in your nose or throat (nasopharyngitis) • diarrhea • bronchitis • ear infection • increase in a type of white blood cell (eosinophil) counts • hives • inflamed hair pores (folliculitis) • swelling of the tonsils (tonsillitis) • runny nose (rhinorrhea) These are not all of the possible side effects of OPZELURA. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. You may also report side effects to Incyte Corporation at 1-855-463-3463.

Manufactured for: Incyte Corporation, 1801 Augustine Cut-off, Wilmington, DE 19803 Issued: September 2021 PLR-OPZ-00011 OPZELURA is a trademark of Incyte. All rights reserved.

U.S. Patent Nos. 7598257; 8415362; 8722693; 8822481; 9079912; 9974790; 10610530; 10639310; 10758543; 10869870 For more information go to www.Opzelura.com or call 1-855-463-3463

P R O P ST Y L I N G BY M A R I N A B E V I L AC Q UA

LIVES

FA M I LY

The 3 Commandments of Lending to Loved Ones H ow to h e l p fr i e n d s a n d fa m i l y i n th e i r h o u r of n e e d — w i th o u t b o r row i n g t ro u b l e

BY B R I G I D R A N S O M E WA S H I N GTO N

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

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For siblings, cousins, and those who are like family: Thou shalt lend only what you can afford to lose.

E A R L I E R O N I N T H E PA N D E M I C ,

my husband, Joseph, and I decided to offer money to a close family member, a single dad whose steady income stream had evaporated overnight. We knew he needed help ASAP—but figuring out how much we could afford made me confront all the ways I think about money.

I was surprised by the sometimes judgy what-ifs I worried about: “What if one of us loses our income for some reason and regrets this?

What if he asks for more? What if he doesn’t use the money well?”

Just as I was wondering whether I was greedy, it occurred to me that in this case, the opposite of generosity isn’t greed. It’s fear—especially when family is involved, because so much is tied up in the giving, and the taking, and the feelings, and the lifelong relationships.

“When it comes to lending money to family members, or even people you consider family, the conversations and exchanges can be complicated,” says Manisha Thakor, a certified financial planner and the founder of the consultancy MoneyZen. “But they don’t have to be.”

Here’s how to handle some common scenarios, according to the pros.

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The number one rule from personal finance expert Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, who hosts REAL SIMPLE’s Money Confidential podcast: Assume you won’t get your money back.

You don’t have to tell your lendee you don’t expect to be repaid—you’re simply mentally reframing the loan as a gift, which makes a world of difference in terms of managing expectations, says Erin Lowry, author of the Broke Millennial book series: “When I lend money to someone close, I think of it as a gift, so I’m then delighted when the person repays me.” This simple mind trick takes the pressure off and reduces the temptation to judge the way the person spends the money. If you can’t afford to give cash, O’Connell Rodriguez recommends thinking of other ways to help, like finding the borrower a 0 percent APR credit card.

Asking for money can make people feel vulnerable—so acknowledging your own financial struggles might be greatly reassuring to your loved one. “It shows them they’re not alone,” Thakor says. “It can help erase some of the embarrassment.”

Adds O’Connell Rodriguez, “If there are any financial tools that helped you when times were tight, such as books and podcasts, sharing them can be very meaningful.”

For adult children: Thou shalt set clear boundaries.

As the saying goes, “Give your kids enough money to do something, but not enough to do nothing.” If you’re lending money to your adult child, it’s best to set limits (you’ll help them pay off their car loan, say, but not buy them a brand-new model) and clearly communicate how and when you need to be repaid.

“Help your child establish a workable budget and draw up a formal repayment plan,” says Shari Greco Reiches, cofounder of Rappaport Reiches Capital Management in Skokie, Illinois, and author of Maximize Your Return on Life. For gifts over $16,000, talk to your accountant or financial adviser about tax laws.

In most cases, an attorney can help draw up formal loan arrangements, she says.

Regardless of how much you give, Greco Reiches recommends that both you and your child strictly adhere to the repayment plan.

On-time payments will not only make life simpler for everyone, but also build your child’s confidence and your trust in them.

I was surprised by the sometimes judgy what-ifs I worried about. “What if he asks for more?

What if he doesn’t use the money well?”

If you have siblings, ask them to join the discussion too, without making your parents feel ganged up on.

“Directly acknowledge the challenge, and detail some what-if scenarios,” Greco Reiches says. What if the roof needs to be replaced?

What if real estate taxes go up?

What if there’s a health issue and more help is needed? And perhaps most importantly, what if you can’t always help them cover the expense?

“Bringing tangible issues of repairs and costs to light will hopefully empower them to find viable alternatives,” Greco Reiches says.

If they’re living beyond their means, helping them plan a lifestyle they can afford is ultimately the kinder thing to do.

For your parents: Thou shalt be the voice of (compassionate) reason.

my husband and I jointly landed on a sum that would be helpful to our family member without breaking our bank account.

And taking Lowry’s advice one step further, we not only thought of it as a gift, but presented it as such. He was unfailingly grateful, and he also respected the parameters: It was both a onetime gift and a onetime request.

I N T H E E N D,

When your parents ask for money, it can feel impossible to say no.

After all, these people supplied you with shoes and breakfast cereal and ColecoVision for how many years?

But before agreeing, have an honest talk with them about their needs— and your concerns.

Greco Reiches suggests starting with a heart-to-heart about where they are financially and where they

should be. If you have siblings, ask them to join too, without making your parents feel ganged up on.

“Many times, parents need a fundamental lifestyle change, and there’s usually some fear surrounding this,” Greco Reiches says. Maybe they’re attached to the house they’ve lived in for decades, but it’s become too expensive to maintain. Or they spend indulgently even though they’re on a fixed income.

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I am bad at asking for help. Blame it on my reading those stalwart Little House books in my impressionable early years.

Or my fear that other people have enough on their own frantically spinning plates without having to drive me to the car rental place at 7 a.m.

But last year, I got a crash course— so to speak—in sending out an SOS. In the middle of the night, during one of our mighty Indiana summer storms, a huge oak punched through the slate roof of my house, and a giant limb totaled my car. A power line rested across the lawn like a menacing garden snake. Somewhere out there, my three backyard chickens squawked in alarm.

I am currently an empty nester (except for the chickens). After a sleepless night googling “emergency roof repair” and mentally unspooling my disaster to-do list, even I had to raise the white flag. I messaged a friend about my crisis and asked if she could help me with the chickens.

As she pulled into my driveway, I felt my shoulders unhunch—even more so when I saw how truly glad she was to be of aid. And after that first request and its blissful relief, I found it easier to ask others for contractor recommendations, drip buckets, pizza therapy. I ended up being buoyed by a wave of support.

I ’ L L A D M I T I T:

THE HELPFUL MIND

The Shame-Free Guide to Asking for Help If yo u ’re fe e l i ng fra zz l e d a n d frant ic, ju st re m e m b er: N o o ne i s a n i s l a nd—inclu ding you .

STO C KSY

BY J E N N I F E R K I N G L I N D L E Y

Photograph by Ruth Black

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I’m not the only one who has a hard time asking for help. In a 2022 survey by the research firm OnePoll, half of respondents said they don’t request help until they start to feel overwhelmed, and 13 percent said they never do.

Fear can hold us back from asking, says Sudeepta Varma, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine: “We’re afraid of rejection: ‘What will it say about me or our relationship if they say no?’ We’re afraid of being vulnerable.”

Another obstacle is our illusion that we’re the only ones who don’t have it all together, says Elisabeth LaMotte, a clinical social worker in Washington, D.C. “There’s pressure to present a flawless, easy-breezy self to others—to have everything under control,” she says. Think of the grown-up “girl bosses” on social media, or the up-by-the-bootstraps pioneer culture that had the Ingalls surviving those Midwestern winters on a diet of potatoes and brown bread. “That makes it hard to say, ‘Hey, I’m having a bad day. Do you have time to go for a walk with me?’ ” LaMotte explains.

Our reluctance is understandable, but it’s also a shame. Denying our fellow humans a chance to help robs them of a real sense of joy and purpose. People naturally want to offer support—because it feels

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Helping someone lights up the same reward areas of the brain that ping when we eat chocolate or have sex.

So when you ask your neighbor to feed your cat, maybe you’re doing them the favor.

good. In fact, we’re wired that way.

“Helping others was evolutionarily adaptive for our earliest ancestors because it increased the chance of their offspring’s survival,” says Naomi Eisenberger, PhD, professor of psychology at UCLA. (It’s us against the woolly mammoth, peeps!) In her research, Eisenberger found that helping someone lights up the reward areas of the brain— the same ones that ping when we eat chocolate or win money or have sex. Aiding others may lower our blood pressure and stress-hormone levels as well as boost our immunity. Hot take: When you ask your neighbor to feed your cat, maybe you’re doing them the favor.

“Letting yourself be vulnerable lets others see the authentic you,” says Meghan Watson, a resident therapist at Alkeme, a mental health platform for the Black community.

“People respond to authenticity.”

Plus, asking for help shows others that it’s OK for them to ask too.

Ready to call for reinforcements?

Here’s expert advice on asking for help…without getting awkward.

Psych Yourself Up If you’re nervous to ask your neighbor to borrow his wet vacuum when your basement floods, remind yourself that your odds of success are high. “In our studies, we ask people to approach strangers to request small favors—directions, use of a phone for an important call,” says Vanessa Bohns, PhD, associate professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University’s ILR School and author of You Have More Influence Than You Think. “Our participants have made more than 15,000 requests, and beforehand, there’s this palpable anxiety. When they come back, they report it was much easier than they expected. And twice as many people agree to help them as they predicted.”

As UCLA’s Eisenberger points out, “It helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You’d probably feel great that you could be useful.”

Be Specific Expecting others to be mind readers gets in our way, says Amie Gordon, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan: “We think they should know exactly what kind of help we need.” Ask directly rather than dropping hints, Bohns says. Instead of “I hate mammograms, especially going alone,” try,“I’m always a wreck waiting for my mammogram. Will you come with me?” Since helping feels good, don’t deflate your potential helper’s positive feelings by apologizing or telling them what a huge burden you’re placing on them.

Ask the Right Person Consider Your Approach “If you really want a yes, ask in person,” Bohns says. “There’s that warm, fuzzy feeling of emotional connection you lose over email or text.” On the other hand, a text or email can be good if the ask is big or awkward and you don’t want to put someone on the spot. Either way, it’s gracious to give the other person a gentle out as part of your request, Varma says: “You can add, ‘I totally get that you might not have the bandwidth right now.’ ”

Different people have different strengths, so target your requests accordingly. “The biggest mistake is barking up the wrong tree,” Varma says. “Asking a friend who’s super judgy to nurse you emotionally through a breakup may not be the best idea. But that same friend might be happy to provide practical support— giving you a place to stay or helping you look for a new apartment.”

Work It at Work “You might worry that asking for help at work makes you seem incompetent,” says Arden Clise, author of Spinach in Your Boss’s Teeth: Essential Etiquette for Professional Success. “But it can often lead to a nice connection with a coworker.” Say something authentically positive about the person’s skills as you make the request, she suggests. For instance: “You’re such a pro with Zoom, and I’m struggling to use the breakout room function.

When it’s convenient, could you take a few minutes to show me how?” One study in the journal Management Science found that we think more highly of people who ask us for help: Being seen as an authority gives us a confidence boost, which in turn enhances our opinion of the advice seeker.

DA N SA E L I N G E R / T RU N K A RC H I V E

Show Gratitude

H O W T O B E A P ROA C T I V E H E L P E R Your friend just had surgery. With every good intention, you offer a cheery but vague “Let me know if I can help.” This can come off as obligatory and not truly meant. “Instead, list concrete things you can do,” Clise says. “‘Can I bring you a meal, do a pharmacy run, or take you to a follow-up visit?

How can I best help?’ ” This shows you’re at the ready. Or try SignUpGenius, an online platform LaMotte loves: It allows you to sign up for specific tasks, like bringing someone meals or driving them to appointments.

People want to know their help mattered, so follow up with a verbal or written thank-you, Clise says.

“A handwritten note is always special because it shows you made the extra effort. Spell out how the person helped you and how much it was appreciated.” Then make sure you’re there for them if they ever need you in the future, says M. Nora Bouchard, an executive coach and the author of Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need. “That is the magic of asking for help. It deepens connections and forms new ones. You can build a circle of support.”

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Bouquets for Days M A K E M O T H E R ’ S D AY F L O W E R S L A S T F O R M O R E T H A N A W E E K B Y S T Y L I N G T H E K E E P E R S I N T O A S E C O N D — A N D E V E N T H I R D ! — A R R A N G E M E N T. floral styling by Claire Spollen written by L eslie Corona photographs by Caitlin Bensel

1

3

2

S TA RT E R B O U Q U E T Beyond a rich mix of contrasting

colors, an arrangement should have flowers in varying stages of bloom. Include a few with petals fully unfurled, like the Charlotte ranunculus (1); half-opened ones, like the tulips (2); and tighter buds, like the Persian buttercups (3).

F O U R D AY S L AT E R As flowers shed petals and stamens,

remove them from the arrangement. The remainders—like the Jewels of Opar (4), ranunculus, and tulips—may need more support to keep them from drooping, so place them in a taller vase and anchor them with floral foam, marbles, or small rocks.

4

O N E W E E K L AT E R

For the final bud vase, keep the healthiest flowers. Here, that’s tulips, ranunculus, and Jewels of Opar. Snip stems by a few inches, to where they’re still hardy.

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1

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S TA RT E R B O U Q U E T

Affordable wildflowers, like chamomile (1), Queen Anne’s lace (2), and dried grasses (3), create the bulk of this oversize arrangement. A few roses (4) and Italian poppies (5) bring pinks and peaches to the largely green and beige bouquet.

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S P EC I A L T H A N KS TO SA R A H M A R S H A L L W I T H G A I A F LO R A LS

5

F O U R D AY S L AT E R Transfer the more robust stems, like

Butterfly ranunculus (6), carnations (7), and bunny tails (8), to a smaller, round vessel—but keep the general shape and composition of the larger bouquet. Snap a photo of the original arrangement and refer to it as you position the flowers.

O N E W E E K L AT E R

Dried grasses are the gift that keeps on giving— they will last for weeks after the carnations and ranunculus in this trio of bud vases wither.

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6

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S TA RT E R B O U Q U E T

A few tall stalks, like the textured delphinium (1) and the more minimalist anemone (2), give the bouquet an immediate sense of size.

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l o v e ’e m t o d e a t h Prolong the health of your flowers with these tricks from our stylist, Claire Spollen.

F O U R D AY S L AT E R

Focus on blooms in magenta shades, like snapdragons (3), tulips (4), and anemones, for a cohesive smaller arrangement.

3

Add a drop of bleach to help limit bacteria. Every few days, trim stems one inch at a 45-degree angle, and refresh the water.

After cutting woody stems (like lilacs) at an angle, slice an X shape into the end for better water absorption.

Snip off any leaves that are below the waterline.

They can decay and start to smell.

Revive droopy stalks by submerging them in cool water for a few hours.

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O N E W E E K L AT E R For a look that’s almost like

sculpture, anchor just a few stems—lisianthus (5), allium (6), and black privet berries (7)—in a shallow flower frog set inside a ceramic saucer.

C AU L I F L OW E R TAC O S A L PA ST O R These pack the richness, smokiness—and pineapple kick— of traditional al pastor, without a shred of meat.

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SAVORY, SMOKY, TANGY, B RIGHT Co okb o ok author R ick Mar tí n ez g i ve s s o m e of h i s fa vo r i te M ex i c a n dishes a plant-p owere d t wist.

PHOTOGR APHS BY

V i c to r P r o t a s i o

FOOD STYLING BY PROP STYLING BY

Emily Nabors Hall

C h r i s t i n e Ke e l y

ILLUSTR ATIONS BY

M a r i s o l O r te ga

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RADISH C H I C H A R RO N E S Yes, chicharrones—usually fried pork skin—can go full-on vegetarian with radishes. They’re just as irresistible and worth frying for.

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T O F U A S A DA W I T H CARAMELIZED ONION REFRIED BEANS Tofu is the perfect canvas for a bold spice blend, and even better, it grills up in a flash. Stir caramelized onions into mixed beans for a boost of sweetness.

ELOTE WITH MOLE VERDE A fresh, tart tomatillo sauce spices up classic Mexican street corn.

Eggplant Torta Milanese ACTIVE TIME 50 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 50 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 canned chipotle chile in adobo sauce, chopped, plus 1 Tbsp. adobo sauce 1∕4 cup apple cider vinegar 1 cup all-purpose flour 3 1∕2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 3∕4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper, divided 3 large eggs, beaten 3 cups panko 2 lb. Italian eggplants (about 2), sliced lengthwise into 1∕2-in.-thick pieces 3∕4 cup vegetable oil, divided 4 large sandwich rolls (such as brioche, telera, or bolillo), halved and toasted 1∕2 red onion, thinly sliced (about 1 cup) 1 cup packed mixed fresh herbs (such as cilantro, basil, and mint) 8 oz. Oaxaca or fresh mozzarella cheese, pulled into thin strands or shredded

E G G P L A N T T O RTA M I L A N E S E Mild and creamy Oaxaca cheese makes this overstuffed sandwich totally crave-worthy.

(Mozzarella—like in the classic Italian Milanese—is tasty too.)

2 avocados, thinly sliced together chile, adobo sauce, and vinegar in a small bowl.

STIR

together flour and 1∕4 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a large, shallow dish. Whisk eggs and 1∕4 teaspoon salt in a separate dish. Stir together panko, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1∕2 teaspoon pepper in a third dish. eggplant slices with remaining 2 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon pepper.

Dredge eggplant in flour mixture, shaking off excess. Transfer to egg mixture and turn to coat. Lift from bowl, letting excess drip off. Press into panko mixture to coat.

Place on a baking sheet.

SPRINKLE

1∕4 cup oil in a large skillet over medium. Working in batches and adding fresh oil as needed, fry eggplant slices in hot oil until coating is deep golden brown, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer to a towel-lined baking sheet.

HEAT

2 eggplant slices on bottom halves of rolls. (You may have leftover eggplant.)

Top with onion, herbs, cheese, and avocados. Drizzle with chipotle mixture.

Place top halves of rolls on sandwiches and serve.

SET

tomatillos, spinach, scallion, jalapeño, garlic, pepitas, sesame seeds, and salt in a blender. Process on mediumlow until mole verde is almost smooth, about 2 minutes.

COMBINE

STIR

Elote with Mole Verde ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 4

2 medium tomatillos (about 4 oz. total), husked and chopped 1∕4 cup frozen spinach, thawed and well drained 1 large scallion, chopped

grill to medium-high (400°F to 450°F) and grease grates with oil.

Grill corn, turning occasionally, until cooked through and charred in spots, 12 to 15 minutes.

PREHEAT

mole verde on a serving platter and top with grilled corn. Drizzle evenly with crema and sprinkle with queso fresco.

SPREAD

1∕2 jalapeño, seeded and chopped 1 clove garlic, chopped 2 Tbsp. pumpkin seeds (pepitas) 1 1∕2 tsp. sesame seeds 1 1∕4 tsp. kosher salt Canola oil, for grill 4 ears fresh corn, husks pulled back and silks removed 1∕4 cup crema or sour cream 1 oz. queso fresco, crumbled (about 1∕4 cup)

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PA PAYA A N D J I C A M A AG UAC H I L E Aguachile isn’t exactly ceviche and it’s not quite a salad, but it’s 100 percent delicious.

This one swaps in fruit for seafood and is a refreshing starter or light meal.

Radish Chicharrones ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 cup vegetable oil 1/2 white onion, cut into 1/2-in. wedges 4 serrano chiles, trimmed, halved lengthwise, and seeded 2 1/2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1/2 cup raw walnut halves and pieces 1 1/2 lb. radishes, quartered (about 6 cups) 2 medium tomatillos (about 4 oz. total), husked and quartered 2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice (from 2 limes) 1/3 cup parsley leaves and tender stems 1/3 cup basil leaves and tender stems 1/3 cup mint leaves and tender stems 1 clove garlic 1 tsp. honey oil in a large pot over medium-high until an instant-read or candy thermometer registers 350°F. (If you don’t have a thermometer, dip a wooden spoon handle into oil; it’s hot enough when steady bubbles form around handle.)

HEAT

add onion and chiles; fry, adjusting heat as needed to maintain temperature, until tender and beginning to brown, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a towel-lined baking sheet and sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt. Add walnuts to hot oil; fry, stirring occasionally, until golden brown, about 90 seconds. Transfer to baking sheet and sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt. Working in 2 batches, fry radishes in hot oil, stirring occasionally, until edges are golden brown, about 4 minutes.

Transfer to baking sheet and sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon salt.

CAREFULLY

Papaya and Jicama Aguachile ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES SERVES 4

1/2 cup fresh lime juice (from 6 or 7 limes) 1 serrano chile, stemmed, seeded, and chopped 1 clove garlic, peeled

1 lb. jicama, peeled and very thinly sliced (about 3 cups) 1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced (about 1 cup) 2 avocados, chopped Olive oil, corn tostadas, and saltine crackers, for serving

1/3 cup fresh mint leaves 1 tsp. whole allspice or peppercorns 1 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/2 medium English cucumber, cut into rounds (about 1 cup), divided 1 lb. firm-ripe papaya, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1-in. chunks (about 2 1/2 cups)

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lime juice, chile, garlic, mint, allspice, salt, and half of cucumbers in a blender. Process on medium until smooth, about 30 seconds. Transfer sauce to a large bowl.

COMBINE

papaya, jicama, and onion in sauce until completely coated. Place in a shallow serving bowl, spooning on any leftover sauce. Top evenly with avocados and remaining cucumber. Drizzle with oil and serve with tostadas and saltines.

TOSS

1/4 cup water, tomatillos, lime juice, parsley, basil, mint, garlic, honey, half of fried onions and chiles, half of fried walnuts, and remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons salt in a blender. Process on medium-low until salsa is almost smooth, about 45 seconds.

COMBINE

radishes and remaining fried onions, chiles, and walnuts in a large bowl.

Spread half of salsa on a serving dish and top with radish mixture. Serve with remaining salsa.

COMBINE

oven to 425°F with racks in upper and lower thirds of oven. Line 2 large rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper.

PREHEAT

achiote paste and oil together with a fork in a large bowl until almost smooth. Whisk orange zest and juice, chiles, garlic, honey, and 2 teaspoons salt into achiote-oil mixture until a thick sauce forms. Toss cauliflower, pineapple, and onion in sauce to coat.

SMASH

Cauliflower Tacos al Pastor ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 1 HOUR, 10 MINUTES SERVES 4

1∕4 cup achiote (annatto) paste (such as Goya), crumbled 1∕4 cup olive oil 1 tsp. orange zest plus 1∕2 cup fresh juice (from 2 oranges) 2 canned chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, finely chopped

coated mixture among prepared baking sheets. Roast, tossing occasionally and swapping baking sheets halfway through cooking time, until cauliflower is tender and edges are dark and caramelized, 50 minutes to 1 hour.

DIVIDE

combine avocado, lime juice, ¼ cup water, chives, and remaining 1 teaspoon salt in a blender. Process on medium-low until salsa is smooth, about 20 seconds. Make tacos with cauliflower mixture, tortillas, salsa, and cilantro.

MEANWHILE,

4 cloves garlic, finely grated (preferably on a Microplane) 1 Tbsp. honey 1 Tbsp. kosher salt, divided 1 large head cauliflower, cut into small florets (about 10 cups) 2 cups 1-in. pineapple chunks (8 oz.)

1 large white onion, thinly sliced

Tofu Asada with Caramelized Onion Refried Beans ACTIVE TIME 40 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 2 HOURS, 20 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 avocado, halved 1∕4 cup fresh lime juice (from 2 or 3 limes) 1∕4 cup chopped fresh chives 8 corn tortillas, warmed Chopped fresh cilantro, for serving

2 14-oz. pkg. extra-firm tofu, sliced crosswise into 8 slices (about 1∕2 in. thick) 1 Tbsp. chipotle or ancho chile powder 1 tsp. garlic powder 1 tsp. onion powder 1 tsp. granulated sugar 1 tsp. dried oregano, crushed 2 1∕2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1∕3 cup olive oil 1 small white onion, finely chopped, divided 2 cloves garlic, grated (preferably on a Microplane) 2 15-oz. cans black beans or pinto beans, drained and rinsed 1 pt. cherry tomatoes, halved

Rick Martínez is a YouTube host and the author of the new cookbook Mi Cocina.

Originally from Austin, Texas, he lives in Mazatlán, Mexico.

1 to 2 serrano chiles, stemmed, seeded, and sliced

sliced tofu in a single layer on a towel-lined baking sheet. Place another towel and baking sheet on top; press down to remove excess water.

ARRANGE

together chile powder, garlic powder, onion powder, sugar, oregano, and 2 teaspoons salt in a small bowl.

Pat seasoning mixture on both sides of tofu slices. Arrange tofu in an even layer on a cooling rack set inside a baking sheet. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours and up to 24 hours.

STIR

final 20 minutes of tofu marinating time, heat olive oil and half of onion in a large skillet over medium, stirring occasionally, until deep golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Add garlic; cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Add beans and 1∕2 cup water (be careful, as beans will splatter); bring mixture to a boil. Cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid is reduced slightly, about 5 minutes. Using a potato masher or wooden spoon, mash beans until almost no whole beans remain and mixture is thick, smooth, and creamy.

Remove from heat, stir in 1∕4 teaspoon salt, and let cool slightly (refried beans will thicken as they sit).

DURING

pico de gallo: Toss tomatoes, chiles, cilantro, and remaining onion in a medium bowl. Sprinkle with remaining 1∕4 teaspoon salt.

MAKE

grill to medium-high (400°F to 450°F) and grease grates with canola oil. (Alternatively, heat a grill pan over medium-high and brush with oil.) Grill tofu slices, uncovered, until golden and charred, about 3 minutes per side. Serve grilled tofu with beans, pico de gallo, flour tortillas, and lime wedges.

PREHEAT

1∕4 cup cilantro leaves and tender stems Canola oil, for grill Flour tortillas (grilled or warmed) and lime wedges, for serving

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y k c i st situations Solutions to your summer etiquette conundrums, from weekend stays to tipsy shindigs

by E L E N I G A G E illustrations by A N N E B E N T L E Y

Summertime, and the living is… often more complicated than the beloved song and nostalgic lemonade commercials would have us believe. Longer days, breezy nights, and out-of-office email settings mean more time to spend with friends. But joint vacations, shared housing, and all-day pool parties bring a raft of social dilemmas—some of which we haven’t faced in more than two years. We called in the experts to answer your questions on how to avoid summer bummers and enjoy three months of fun.

GUESTING GAMES How do I deal with the phantom invitation?

The friend who says, “We’d love to have you out to the shore this summer!” The cousin who chirps, “Let me know if you ever want to use the lake house!” Are they waiting for you to suggest dates, or are they full of hot air?

First, express gratitude. Then talk schedules. “Say, ‘That would be fabulous! Is there a good time to discuss dates?’” advises Lizzie Post, copresident of the Emily Post Institute and cohost of the podcast Awesome Etiquette. This is the summer version of “If you love someone, set them free”: If they say, “Let me check with my spouse/kids/Airbnb listings,” wait for them to come back with specific suggestions, or drop it.

If the offer was for you to use a property when they’re not there, Post says, “you can call them in

six months and say, ‘Does that offer still stand?’” If they say yes, follow up with “Great! What costs can I cover?”

Always hash out cash concerns right away, says Bonnie Tsai, founder of Beyond Etiquette, a corporate relations and etiquette firm: “Money can make things get ugly.” The homeowner may come back with a rate or say, “None! We’d love to have you stay!” A caveat? “This shouldn’t be last-minute,” says Elaine Swann, founder of the Swann School of Protocol and author of Let Crazy Be Crazy. “Give them at least 30 days’ notice.”

What can I bring? (Really!)

Start with a few suggestions— pie, wine, bagels. That way your hosts have a chance to let you know they’ve given up sugar, drinking, or eating before noon so you don’t show up with an armful of temptation.

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Are host gifts still a thing?

They sure are. “A host should never expect a gift,” Post says. “But it is very nice when a guest either brings one or sends one afterward.

Or you might offer to take the host out to dinner.”

The thank-you could be a present for the home, a (lowclutter, no-glitter) game for the kids, or indulgent food or drink.

As always, it’s the thought that counts. “For the most part, host gifts are simple,” Post says. “I’ve seen everything from bottles of Champagne to rose petals from a guest’s garden, set in a bowl for use as potpourri.”

Whether you bring a gift, send one after the stay, or treat your hosts to a meal, if you dream of getting invited back (or simply like good karma), don’t forget to mail a physical thank-you note once you return home. Or, Tsai suggests, leave a note in the guest room for your hosts to find when they come in to gather the sheets (which you’ve stripped, of course!).

If you’re staying in someone’s house when they’re not there, offer to pay to have the place cleaned afterward. If they don’t take you up on it, tidy up yourself.

“At minimum, launder the towels and bedding before you leave,” Swann says. “Then fold them and set them out so the host knows they’re clean.”

How can I help?

There’s a fine line between friend and freeloader. Take your cues from the host. The general rule is “the more formal the event, the less you should ask to help,” Post says. “If it’s a fancy engagement

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party, don’t offer to do the dishes.”

At casual events, volunteer to pitch in. If you’re clearing your plate and asked to please stop, “please stop,” Post says. Your host shouldn’t say, “Sit, relax!” if they don’t mean it. As Swann points out, “People can be particular about their kitchen. If they say no, respect their wishes.”

What if I really want to book it to a hotel?

You’d love to visit your college roommate on the Cape. But now that you’re a couple of decades older, a futon doesn’t look so inviting anymore. Here’s how to have a fun reunion without ruin-

ing your sleep: “Book your hotel room,” Swann advises. “Then you can honestly say, ‘We’ve already got a hotel, but I can’t wait to see you.’” There’s no need to blame your spouse’s snoring or your bad back. “Just press forward with the conversation,” Swann says. “‘Now, where should we have dinner on that Wednesday?’”

If your cousins call, hoping to sleep at your place, the same approach works: Focus on the options they do have rather than the one they don’t (staying with you). “I’d say, ‘I’d love for you to come up to Vermont. Unfortunately, my house is not good for

hosting, so honestly, you’d be more comfortable at a hotel,’” Post says.

Then give suggestions, along with times you can have them over for a meal.

Am I expected to reciprocate?

If you’re the only one in your friend group for whom “summer” is merely a season, not a verb, you don’t need to turn down invitations because you can’t return the favor, Tsai says. “Your friends’ intention in hosting you is to spend time together.” To reciprocate the feeling, “buy tickets to a show or exhibit and say, ‘My treat,’” she says.

What if I mess up, big-time?

Your baby poops in their pool.

Your teen runs through the screen door. Your spouse sits on a suede couch in a wet swimsuit. Breathe and remind yourself that “there’s a difference between remorse and shame,” says Niro Feliciano, a licensed clinical social worker and the author of This Book Won’t Make You Happy: Eight Keys to Finding True Contentment. “You may feel bad, but it doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Apologize, then make amends, “even if it’s just bringing over wine the next day,” Feliciano says. Post agrees: “Offers are important. If you can’t afford to buy new china, say, ‘I’d love to help you replace that—I can offer this much.’”

Finally, stop dwelling. “Ask yourself what you’d do if it were your house,” Feliciano says. “Often we have more grace for others than we do for ourselves.”

VACATION VEXATIONS If I’m on vacation, why am I working so hard?

On a group trip, it can be easy to fall into unfair divisions of labor— the friends who cooked a great dinner the first night get stuck on kitchen duty the rest of the week.

To avoid turning a group getaway into a grind for some (and let’s face it, that “some” is usually the moms when it’s a multifamily trip), put a little pre-vacay effort into planning. “Ask how people want to handle food. If that’s cooking at home most of the time, who’s bringing stuff?” Post says.

“Is each person or family responsible for a different meal?”

If you hate cooking, cover one night out, or offer to book all the reservations or be the designated driver. Or go on a group trip to an all-inclusive resort, where no one needs to cook at all!

What if my guests have caviar tastes but I’m on a hot-dog budget?

As with figuring out duties, it’s best to manage expectations beforehand. “Be brutally honest without being brutal,” Swann says.

If your friends have their hearts set on the seven-course tasting menu and yours is set on paying off credit card debt, it’s OK to split up for a night or two. If you’re the one who wants to splurge, let people know. “When you do something extravagant, recognize that other people may not want to come.

Say, ‘Catherine and I were thinking of going out to a really special dinner at Chez Wherever,’” Post says.

All are welcome, but no pressure!

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KID CONUNDRUMS Is it getting a little crowded in here?

If you sense that everyone is feeling too close for comfort, Swann suggests saying, “Hey, folks, we’ve had dinner together every night.

Are you all right doing that again, or do people want some alone time?” And if you need to be alone, Tsai says, “it’s fine to say, ‘Have fun! I’m going to stay in and read.’”

What if I made a mistake picking a travel mate?

A getaway with your work bestie seemed like a fun idea, until you realized she likes to drunkenly dance on tables (and grind on your last nerve). Swann says it’s OK to go your separate ways and just meet for meals. Frame it as a clash of interests, not personalities: “I want you to make the most of your vacation, not be stuck in the hotel room with me.”

What if everyone else’s little angels are driving me crazy?

You want to kick back and rosé all day, but there’s a scrum of 7-yearolds making a racket around the pool. Is it OK to shut that down?

You can play it safe by speaking to the group under the guise of talking to just your own kid, like “Hey, bubs, do you want to cool it so we adults can relax?”

But if there are only one or two offenders, Post says, “you have to be careful how you speak to other people’s kids.” Discipline should be handled by the parents, who should be approached tactfully.

“It’s better to come from a place of ‘How can I help?’” Tsai says.

“Don’t shoot first—‘Your kid is being bad’—because they’ll get defensive.”

Have you met my children, the spawn of Satan?

The only thing worse than your friends’ kids misbehaving? Your own kids acting up. The best offense is a good defense: “Prior to going, remind them, ‘How do we behave at someone else’s house? What do we do and not do?’” Feliciano says. Then, she adds, if their inner Mr. Hyde rears his ugly head, “take them aside and say, ‘What did we talk about?

What don’t we do?’”

If they still don’t listen, it’s time to sentence them to a fate worse than death: spending time at your side while you and your friends play (to their little ears) the most boring game of “Mommy blah-blah.”

What about the CoComelon heads?

After two years of virtual living, nothing warms the heart like seeing your kids come together with other kids—until you realize they’re all staring at their tablets.

Before you go, tell your hosts that your child is this close to becoming an avatar and ask if they’d agree to make it a no-devices trip for the kids. If that’s not feasible, have a few aces up your sleeve.

“No one—not even adults—reacts well to being told to get off a screen once they’re on it,” Feliciano says.

“Instead, suggest alternatives.

Is there an activity they can do together—swim, play basketball, ride bikes, practice TikTok dances?”

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If you’re traveling with another family, “it’s thoughtful for the parents to say, ‘Hey, these are our screen-time rules. What are yours?

Do we want to set up some house rules?’” Post says. If you’re just heading to someone’s home for the day, you can either pull a when-in-Rome and let your kids adopt the local customs, or remind them that different families have different rules, and yours still apply to them. (If your host’s kids are glued to iPhones all afternoon, hand yours a pen and paper and send them on a scavenger hunt around the yard.)

When friends are visiting, you have every right to politely mention the house rules. “I’d say to the parents, ‘We’ve told our kids no screens when guests are over,’” Post says. If the parents disagree?

Let it go, and hang out sans kids next time.

HEARTY PARTYING What if I haven’t worn a bathing suit since the Clinton administration?

You just had your hair straightened. Your bikini waxer relocated.

You like to keep your appendix scar to yourself. There are many reasons you may not want to slip on a swimsuit and have chicken fights with the rest of the neighborhood. Instead, Swann says, make a bold, nonspandex fashion choice: “Get outside with everyone else, wear a cute caftan, and accept yourself for who you are.”

If the host pushes you to dive in, clap back with “I’m so comfortable where I am. This is wonderful!” Post says. “That nips it in the bud.” It’s hard to argue with happy.

So…are you boosted?

We hope that, by the time you read this, Covid is a distant memory. But just in case: “It’s important for hosts to state their safety protocol,” Post says. When you call, text, or e-vite guests, you can say, “We’re asking that all our guests be vaccinated. If that’s an issue, please let us know.” Then, Post says, “you’re empowering them to make their own decision.”

Exactly how long is happy hour?

Between six-hour weddings, allday barbecues, and ever-present frosé, summer has the potential to turn into an extended bottomless brunch—a recipe for a season-long

hangover if you don’t have a plan.

At a party, Tsai goes for the classic glass of water between drinks.

You can also water down your drink by waiting for your ice to melt before sipping, or pretend you’re a 1970s lady who lunches and stick to wine spritzers.

If you’re the host, “it’s really important to offer your guests water constantly,” Post says, along with other booze-free options, like seltzers, lemonade, or mocktails.

If someone does end up getting, um, overserved, take them aside and offer them some water, a place to lie down, or, at night’s end, a ride home. And if they aren’t the only one starting to slur their words, put the bar cart away.

“It’s also the easiest way to signal that the party is over,” Tsai says, and that the long summer night has come to an end.

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The MIND-KITCHEN Co n n ec t i o n Set up your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer to make eating for better cognition and mental wellness a no-brainer.

Experts share the simple strategies that can lead to a sharper, happier, healthier future.

BY

J E N N A H E LW I G

PHOTOGRAPHS BY

V I C TO R P ROTA S I O

E

build muscle, strengthen bones, and protect the heart.

But food also plays a major role in mental wellness. “If you make eating for brain health part of your lifestyle, you’ll be well positioned to sharpen your memory, help keep depression at bay, and stave off cognitive decline,” says Drew Ramsey, MD, founder of the Brain Food Clinic and author of Eat to Beat Depression and Anxiety. The basics of eating for brain health aren’t complicated, he notes. You want more vegetables (especially leafy greens) and fruits (especially berries). You also want to work in seafood, fermented foods, nuts, herbs, and—your old friend—dark chocolate.

Granted, knowing what to eat and actually doing it are two very different things. Happily, small tweaks to your kitchen environment can nudge you toward meaningful changes. These seven strategies will help you build brainboosting habits and enjoy your time in the kitchen more, which Ramsey says is just as important. “Sure, eating for brain health is about consuming the right foods to feed your brain cells and help prevent inflammation. But it’s also about engaging with food and cooking in a joyful way.”

AT I N G W E L L C A N H E L P

Food St yling by Emily Nabors Hall 1 2 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 2 2

P r o p S t y l i n g b y C h r i s t i n e Ke e l y

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Stock Up on Nuts and Chocolate You don’t need to banish your favorite chips or never eat ice cream again. But if you make brainhealthy snacks accessible, you’ll be more likely to incorporate them into your nibbling routine.

At the top of the list are nuts, says Annie Fenn, MD, founder of Brain Health Kitchen, an online resource that focuses on using food to help prevent dementia. “They’re an ideal combination of protein, nutrients like vitamin E, and brain-friendly fats,” she says. “In a study of healthy women, eating nuts was consistently associated with better performance on cognitive tests.”

To make grabbing them automatic, place the brain-healthiest nuts—almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, pecans, pistachios, and walnuts—in clear containers in the front of your pantry. Surround them with other healthy, tasty options, like seeds, dried fruit, roasted chickpeas, and dark chocolate (that’s at least 70 percent cacao). “Dark chocolate is a powerful tool in our eating-for-mental-wellness arsenal,” Ramsey says. “In one small study, regular dark chocolate eaters were 70 percent less likely to report depression.” Stash individually wrapped squares in a jar for a sweet snack.

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Give Olive Oil Pride of Place When it comes to oils, olive is best.

“Extra-virgin olive oil provides two nutrients your brain needs every day: healthy fats and polyphenols, like oleocanthal, which gives the oil its peppery bite and is a potent reducer of brain inflammation,” Fenn says.

“About three tablespoons of highquality olive oil daily can improve memory problems in people with mild cognitive impairment.”

Make it a pleasure to use olive oil for the majority of your cooking by decanting it into a pretty ceramic or tinted glass bottle and keeping it on the counter. (Store it out of direct sunlight, which causes degradation, and avoid clear containers.) Don’t be shy about taking a bottle of EVOO to the table and drizzling it on dinner.

“Olive oil helps your body absorb the nutrients in the other brain-friendly foods on your plate,” Fenn says.

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3

Pretty Up and Prep Your Produce When you go to a store, everything looks so good—colorful and neat and appealing—thanks to merchandising. In her cookbook Super Natural Simple, Heidi Swanson recommends approaching your fridge like it’s a window display: If the healthy stuff is more convenient and looks extra enticing, you’ll be more likely to reach for it. Start by excavating the crisper drawers and composting anything past its prime. Wash, dry, and chop the remaining veggies and place them in clear containers front and center so they’re ready when it’s time to prep dinner. Place colorful fruit in bowls. “This allows me to see my cooking palette with a glance and helps me feel bright, excited, and optimistic about our next meal,” Swanson writes.

“This little practice also makes a big impact, dramatically reducing food waste.”

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4

Get Growing…Even on Your Windowsill Fresh herbs like rosemary, thyme, sage, basil, and cilantro can seem like afterthoughts in recipes, but when it comes to brain health, they should be top of mind. Like many plants, these herbs contain compounds that can help prevent cell damage, ward off disease, and promote healthy aging. “Fresh herbs can also make brain-boosting foods like vegetables and seafood more appealing. It’s a win-win,” says Carolyn Williams, PhD, RD, cohost of the Happy Eating Podcast. Growing your own means you can pick just as much as you need. Plus, they’re a pretty and fragrant addition to your kitchen. If you cultivate only one herb, Ramsey suggests rosemary, which may help improve memory. Chop it and dust it on vegetables or meats before roasting, or add it to soups.

5

Gather Gut-Friendly Foods “Research continues to suggest that gut health is more important for brain health than we ever imagined,” Williams says. The gut’s good flora help us break down and absorb brain-boosting nutrients, like folate and thiamine. “A healthy gut can also help counter inflammation, which can worsen depression and anxiety,” she adds. To keep your gut in fighting shape, eat more fermented foods, like yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, miso, kombucha, and kimchi. They’re filled with probiotics, which your microbiome needs to thrive.

Little jars and packages of fermented foods can get lost in your fridge, though, and it can be a challenge to figure out how to use them in everyday meals. To keep them handy, designate one shelf on the door as a spot for all your fermented products. Label it, and make a point to consume at least one of those foods daily. “Try stirring chopped kimchi into rice, adding kefir or yogurt to a smoothie, and mixing kombucha into cocktails or mocktails,” says Brierley Horton, RD, cohost of the Happy Eating Podcast.

6 Fill Up Your Freezer Jewel-tone berries are little miracle workers. Get this: The flavonoids in blueberries and blackberries may help improve blood pressure, boost mood, and decrease brain fog. Since fresh berries can go bad faster than you can say “antioxidant,” keep them stocked in your freezer, alongside seafood (like selenium-rich shrimp and omega-3-packed salmon) and green veggies (like spinach, broccoli, and kale).

Not only do they last longer, frozen foods are often less expensive than fresh. Plus, “frozen produce and seafood are often harvested at their peak, so they’re sometimes even more nutritious than their fresh counterparts,” Horton says.

To make sure the good stuff doesn’t get buried, Laura Fenton, an organizing expert and the author of The Little Book of Living Small, suggests designating a bin for each category: one for produce, one for seafood and lean meats, for example.

“You can always add bins if your freezer doesn’t have any,” she says. “Any plastic ones will work, including large foodstorage containers without the tops.”

7 Simplify Your Expectations The nutrition and wellness worlds have made eating healthy way too complicated, coming up with one new strategy after another, Ramsey says. Make a fresh start by saying “see ya” to the detritus of diets past, the ones that set you up for quick fixes but aren’t sustainable. So ta-ta to keto “candy bars,” packets of dehydrated bone broth, and highly processed, low-cal frozen dinners. Then fill your kitchen with the building blocks of brain-healthy eating, including produce, nuts, beans, and seafood.

While you’re in reassessment mode, declutter counters as well. “Put away appliances you never use, clear away papers, and remove extraneous decorative items. The more physical space you have to chop vegetables and put together simple meals, the easier cooking will feel,” Fenton says.

Even if you aren’t a regular cook, strive to make the kitchen a welcoming place you’ll actually enjoy spending time in.

Consider adding a vase of flowers, a pretty fruit bowl, or a brightly colored cutting board.

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SPICED-UP STEAK

/

VEGGIE MAC AND CHEESE

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SHEET PAN FISH AND CHIPS

FOOD IN SEASON

Buttery Beauties Also known as Boston or Bibb lettuce, butter lettuce stands out at the market for its ruffly layers and delicate texture.

S H O P for bright green or blushing purple

bunches. For maximum freshness, look for heads with the roots attached.

S TO R E full heads in a vented produce

bag in the crisper drawer for up to a week. Wrap loose leaves in a damp paper towel inside a sealed zip-top bag.

S E RV E in salads dressed in a light

FO O D ST Y L I N G BY A L I R A M E E ; P R O P ST Y L I N G BY C H R I ST I N A DA L E Y

vinaigrette. Slide a tender leaf into your BLT or burger. Or use the leaves as wraps for sandwich fixings, taco filling, larb, or chicken salad.

—Lizzy Briskin

Photograph by Caitlin Bensel

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FOOD

EASY DINNER 1

Five-Spice Steak with Couscous ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Family Friendly 1 Tbsp. olive oil 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 1/2 cups couscous Canola oil, for grill 1 1 1/4-lb. skirt steak, patted dry 1 Tbsp. five-spice powder 1 1/4 tsp. kosher salt, divided 2 radishes, sliced (1/2 cup) 1/4 cup thinly sliced red onion (from 1 small onion) 1/2 cup packed chopped mint 1 1/2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon) 1 cup chopped fresh parsley 1½ cups water, olive oil, and garlic to a boil in a medium saucepan over medium-high.

Stir in couscous; cover and remove pan from heat. Let stand, covered, until water is absorbed, 4 to 6 minutes. Fluff with a fork and cover to keep warm.

BRING

grill to medium-high (400°F to 450°F) and grease grates with canola oil. Rub steak with five-spice powder and 1 teaspoon salt. Grill steak, covered, flipping once, until cooked to desired doneness, 3 to 4 minutes per side for medium-rare (125°F).

Transfer to a cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes.

PREHEAT

together radishes, onion, mint, lemon juice, parsley, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt in a medium bowl. Slice steak against the grain into 1/4-inch-thick pieces. Serve with parsley salad and couscous.

STIR

PER SERVING: 529 Calories, 16g Fat (5g Saturated), 92mg Cholesterol, 4g Fiber, 39g Protein, 55g Carbs, 467mg Sodium, 1g Sugar

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SERVES 4

a large pot of water to a boil over medium-high. Add pasta; cook for 1 minute less than package directions for al dente.

Drain, reserving 1 1/2 cups water.

BRING

broiler with rack 6 inches from heat. Stem chard; chop stems into 1/4-inch pieces and roughly chop leaves. Melt butter in a large broiler-safe pot over medium. Add stems; cook, stirring, until tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in flour; cook, whisking constantly, until light golden brown, about 2 minutes.

Gradually whisk in evaporated milk until smooth. Add onion powder, salt, and crushed red pepper; cook, whisking constantly, until thickened, about 1 minute.

PREHEAT

mozzarella and reserved pasta water, stirring until cheese is melted. Add chard leaves; cook until wilted, about 1 minute. Add pasta; cook until pasta is coated and sauce is thickened, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat and top with Parmesan.

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y A L I R A M E E ; P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y A U D R E Y D AV I S

ADD

1 16-oz. pkg. fusilli pasta 1/2 12-oz. bunch Swiss chard 3 Tbsp. unsalted butter 3 Tbsp. all-purpose flour

EASY DINNER 2

Swiss Chard Mac and Cheese ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES SERVES 6

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Freezable ✓ Make Ahead ✓ Big Batch ✓ Vegetarian ✓ Family Friendly

1 12-oz. can evaporated milk 2 tsp. onion powder 2 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper, plus more for serving 8 oz. part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded (about 2 cups)

until Parmesan is melted and golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes.

Top with crushed red pepper.

BROIL

PER SERVING: 547 Calories, 19g Fat (11g Saturated), 61mg Cholesterol, 3g Fiber, 27g Protein, 68g Carbs, 845mg Sodium, 10g Sugar

2 oz. Parmesan cheese, grated (about 1/2 cup)

Recipes by Melissa Gray Photographs by Caitlin Bensel

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6 large eggs 1/4 cup chopped walnuts 1 clove garlic, grated (1/4 tsp.)

3 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 2 Tbsp. finely grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving 1/2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1/4 cup finely chopped basil, plus more for serving 1 1/2 tsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon), divided 1/3 cup plain whole-milk strained yogurt, such as Greek 3 cups packed baby arugula 4 1/2-in.-thick slices sourdough bread, toasted Freshly ground black pepper, for serving a medium saucepan of water to a boil. Add eggs; cook for 9 minutes.

BRING

heat a skillet over medium-high. Add walnuts; toast, stirring, for 2 to 3 minutes.

MEANWHILE,

eggs from pan once cooked. Lightly crack and place in a bowl of ice for 5 minutes. Peel and chop.

REMOVE

garlic, 2 tablespoons oil, cheese, 1/4 teaspoon salt, basil, 1 teaspoon lemon juice, and yogurt in a large bowl. Gently fold in eggs and walnuts, reserving 1 tablespoon walnuts for serving.

COMBINE

arugula and remaining 1 tablespoon oil, 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice, and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a bowl. Divide among toasts.

Top with egg salad, reserved walnuts, pepper, basil, and cheese.

COMBINE

EASY DINNER 3

Pesto Egg Salad Toasts ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Vegetarian

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SERVES 4

PER SERVING: 454 Calories, 25g Fat (5g Saturated), 251mg Cholesterol, 2g Fiber, 30g Protein, 38g Carbs, 670mg Sodium, 6g Sugar

FOOD

EASY DINNER 4

Mango Chicken Curry ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Make Ahead ✓ Gluten-Free

1 cup jasmine rice 4 tsp. olive oil, divided 2 12-oz. mangoes, chopped (about 3 cups), divided 1 sweet onion, halved and thinly sliced (about 1 cup) 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 2 tsp. grated fresh ginger 1 1/2 Tbsp. curry powder 1 1/4 tsp. kosher salt 1 14-oz. can unsweetened full-fat coconut milk, shaken 1/2 cup chicken broth 1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1/2-in. pieces 2 Tbsp. lime juice (from 1 lime) Fresh cilantro leaves, for serving rice according to package directions.

COOK

heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add 2 cups mango; cook, stirring, until soft, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat and mash with a potato masher until mostly smooth. Transfer to a bowl and wipe skillet clean.

MEANWHILE,

remaining 2 teaspoons oil over medium-high. Add onion; cook until tender, about 3 minutes. Add garlic, ginger, curry powder, and salt; cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute.

Add coconut milk, broth, and mashed mango.

HEAT

chicken and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium.

Cook, stirring, until slightly thickened, about 15 minutes.

ADD

in lime juice and remaining 1 cup mango. Cook until heated through, about 3 minutes. Serve with rice and top with cilantro.

STIR

PER SERVING: 387 Calories, 12g Fat (4g Saturated), 0mg Cholesterol, 5g Fiber, 27g Protein, 43g Carbs, 632mg Sodium, 19g Sugar

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FOOD

1 1/2 lb. russet potatoes (3 small potatoes), cut into 1/2-in. wedges 1/4 cup olive oil, divided 2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper, divided

EASY DINNER 5

Sheet Pan Fish and Chips ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 50 MINUTES SERVES 4

✓ Family Friendly

1/3 cup panko 1 Tbsp. unsalted butter, melted 1 1/2 tsp. lemon zest (from 1 lemon), divided, plus lemon wedges for serving 4 6-oz. skinless cod fillets 2 cups frozen sweet peas Malt vinegar, for serving (optional) Finely chopped parsley, for serving

oven to 425°F. Toss potatoes with 1 tablespoon oil, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Spread in an even layer and roast for 25 minutes.

PREHEAT

panko, butter, 1 teaspoon lemon zest, and 1 tablespoon oil in a small bowl. Season cod with 3/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper.

COMBINE

potatoes to side of baking sheet; add cod. Drizzle cod with 1 tablespoon oil and top with panko mixture. Roast until potatoes and fish are golden and cooked through, about 10 minutes.

PUSH

remaining 1 tablespoon oil in a skillet over medium-high.

Add peas; cook for 4 to 5 minutes.

Add remaining 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Serve with cod, potatoes, lemon wedges, and malt vinegar, if using. Top with parsley.

HEAT

PER SERVING: 490 Calories, 18g Fat (4g Saturated), 81mg Cholesterol, 6g Fiber, 38g Protein, 44g Carbs, 748mg Sodium, 5g Sugar

CO OK WITH COZI Get REAL SIMPLE’s easy weeknight-dinner recipes in Cozi, a free meal-planning and organizing app from Dotdash Meredith.

Hover your phone’s camera over the code to download.

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WHO KNEW?

A Toast to Avocados but that’s not stopping people from dishing out for the almighty avocado. The berry— yes, it’s a berry—appears everywhere from ice cream to face masks to ASMR videos (so many close-ups of slicing and smearing!).

G UAC M AY C O S T E X T R A ,

Americans consume about 3 billion pounds of avocados a year, roughly three times as many as we did 20 years ago.

In a 2021 survey, 83 percent of avocado eaters said they bought them for the “good” fats.

Sure enough, the same unsaturated fats some of us used to avoid are now celebrated for lowering cholesterol and boosting skin and heart health— and we can thank them for the fruit’s buttery texture too.

Throw ripe, uncut avocados into the fridge and they can last up to four days. If they’re not quite ready for Cinco de Mayo, put them in a brown bag with an apple or banana to speed up ripening. And in the unlikely event you have leftover guac, pour a thin layer of water on top and refrigerate in an airtight container.

—Jenny Brown and Teddy Willson

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P h o t o g r a p h b y Ya r o s l a v D a n y l c h e n k o

STO C KSY

Though around 80 percent of the avocados in the U.S. come from their native Mexico (short-lived import bans be damned), the most common variety was discovered in Southern California. Rudolph Hass, a postal worker, planted it by chance in his garden in the 1920s.

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