Lavender Magazine 751

March 7–May 19

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CONTENTS ISSUE 751 March 7-20, 2024

Spring Love & Marriage Issue 22 Getting Down to Business With Cody and Kenny 26 Union Depot Will Get Your Wedding On Track

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22 OUR LAVENDER

8 From the Editor 9 A Word in Edgewise 10 A Day In The Life: Jory Miller

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OUR SCENE

12 Eat The Menu: Bucheron 16 T elevised Women’s Sports To Find A New Home At A Bar Of Their Own 18 “Song of My Softening” - An Invitation to Poetry and a Celebration of Survival 20 “Royal Subject” - In its 43rd Season, the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus Keeps Calm and Carries On

OUR LIVES

28 Ask Elise: Press Pause

OUR AFFAIRS

29 Books

OUR HOMES

30 Our Rides: An Upgrade For Your Soul

OUR RESOURCES

32 Community Connection 33 The Network

OUR VOICES

34 Bad Gay: Episode 9 ON THE COVER

Kenny Newby and Cody Chamberlain. Photo courtesy of Kenny Newby 22: Photo courtesy of Kenny Newby, 12: Photo by Mike Hnida, 16: Photo courtesy of Jillian Hiscock, 26: Photo by www.coralmia.com, 30: Photo by Randy Stern.

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Volume 29, Issue 751 • March 7-20, 2024

EDITORIAL Managing Editor Randy Stern 612-461-8723 Editorial Assistant Linda Raines 612-436-4660 Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer Contributors Lakey Bridge, Buer Carlie, Alyssa Homeier, Terrance Griep, Elise Maren, Jen Peebles-Hampton, Linda Raines, Gabrielle Reeder, Alexander Reed, Madison Roth, Jamez L. Smith, Susan Swavely, Carla Waldemar, Todd P. Walker, Spencer White

ADVERTISING Vice President of Sales & Advertising Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690 Account Executives Nathan Johnson 612-436-4695 Richard Kranz 612-436-4675 Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer Sales & Event Administration Linda Raines 612-436-4660 National Sales Representatives Rivendell Media 212-242-6863

CREATIVE 4330 Nicollet Avenue, Minneapolis, MN 55409

Creative/Digital Director Mike Hnida 612-436-4679 Photographer Sophia Hantzes

ADMINISTRATION

N ORTHLAND V ISIONS N ATIVE AMERICAN A RT & G IFTS

Publisher Lavender Media, Inc. President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665 Chief Financial Officer Doug Starkebaum 612-436-4664 Administrative Assistant Michael Winikoff 612-436-4660 Distribution Metro Periodical Partners 612-281-3249 Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee (1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford (1914-2006), Jonathan Halverson (1974-2010), Adam Houghtaling (1984-2012), Walker Pearce (1946-2013), Tim Campbell (1939-2015), John Townsend (1959-2019) Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space, and libel.

They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will not be published.

Priority will be given to letters that refer to material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit letters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 5100 Eden Ave, Suite 107, Edina, MN 55436 or e-mail editor@lavendermagazine.com.

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Entire contents copyright 2024. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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OUR LAVENDER | FROM THE EDITOR

Love Is a Many Splendored Thing

BY RANDY STERN

I’m trying not to show my age, but I recall there was a soap opera that was on CBS called Love is a Many Splendored Thing. It was your typical soap opera from the late 1960s and early 1970s – no need to go over all of the episodic plots and its twists, but you get the idea.

If you think about the timing of this soap opera, it was broadcasted as the LGBTQ+ Liberation Movement was under way. Yet, this soap opera never aired any LGBTQ+ subplots during its run. That would happen on later daytime shows.

On a side note, there were a few people at my high school who skipped class to watch Luke and Laura’s subplot on General Hospital. I was not one of them, but I heard the synopsis the next day – or, the following Monday - at the cafeteria.

After all these years, our love is practically normalized. For the most part, that is. You would think televisions viewers would be “over it” when CNN caught a shot of a male couple kissing after the ball dropped on Times Square Photo courtesy of BigStock/Alessandro Biascioli

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LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

in New York City on New Year’s Eve. No one had any problem with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen hosting the program. But, that court of public opinion called social media went insane over that other couple. The ones with the Planet Fitness hats kissing on live television.

It is to remind us that we’re still fighting for our 15 seconds to be normalized in society. For video footage or a photo to show us being our authentic selves. To dine at any given restaurant, for a couple to steal a kiss after a lovely meal. To walk down the street, hand-in-hand…

Moreover, to celebrate your nuptials at a public location. To go into business together as a couple. To make a big-ticket purchase together. To be like our neighbors, co-workers, fellow travelers…

The strides we made through Marriage Equality, adoption rights, and advances making our lives better are what we should celebrate in this issue. To be able to speak on the love that was never broadcasted decades ago. To be loved with the devotion and care we deserve with the partner or spouse we want to be with.

To celebrate that love is a many splendored thing. 

OUR LAVENDER | A WORD IN EDGEWISE

What You Are Looking For Is In The Library - A Valentine for All Seasons

BY E.B. BOATNER Five Tokyo citizens, each feeling “stuck.” Something is missing. Is it innate? Are others to blame?

What can I do? How? Is this all there is?

Fortunately, each has someone–friend, spouse, co-worker–who suggests they visit Hatori Community House, adjacent to the elementary school.

Available to residents of the ward, it offers cheap classes in almost anything you want; Excel, Go, haiku, flower arraigning. And, a library.

Bored to tears in the country, Tomoka, 21, dreamed of Tokyo. Unique among her friends, she came, graduated junior college, but now despairs of her dead-end sales position in a chain store. One lunch break she chats with Kiriyama, employee in a neighboring eyeglass shop. Sympathetic but pragmatic, Kiriyama suggests computer classes at the nearby Community House.

Retired stay-at-home after 42 years with his company, 65-yer-old Masao is aimless, forgetting chores he’d promised his younger wife, Yoriko, he’d perform. One day she hands him a flyer; Go classes starting at the Community House where she teaches computer skills. Dutifully, he signs up.

During their first visits, Masao and Tomoko–

like the others in their turn–seek the librarian’s advice for suitable books for study. Wedged in her little cubicle, ceaselessly felting small wool creatures and objects on hooks, her Honeydome cookie box of felting supplies nearby, Librarian Sayuri does not embody anyone’s stereotype of that profession: “The librarian is huge…I mean like really huge.

But huge as in big, not fat… Her skin is super pale…

She reminds me of a polar bear curled up in a cave for winter.” “A very large woman…she reminds me of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters.”

“Large, pale, of indeterminate age…she reminded me of the Disney Baymax character,” “I didn’t see anyone except someone who looks like Genma Saotome…you know, the one who turns into a giant panda when water splashes on him.” “My feet stop dead at the sight of a very large woman…her extremely pale skin reminds me of a white glutinous rice cake in a shrine at New Year.”

They all observe her non-stop felting; each is gifted with a creature or object upon leave-taking.

These are mere glimpses into the awakenings of two of the characters. Bonds form between others as self-knowledge broadens and self-esteem blos-

soms, the bonus books touch inner chords with the reader; each felted gift strikes a spark.

Thanked, Sayuri Komachi demurs. “You may say it was the book, but it is how you read the book that is most valuable, rather than any power it may have itself.” Those bonus gifts? “I just choose at random… even if I have some inkling about a person, I don’t tell them anything. People find meaning in the bonus gifts for themselves. It’s the same with books. Readers make their own personal connections to words, irrespective of the writer’s intentions, and each reader gains something unique.’

Characters interact, assist–not dei ex machina, but through the quotidian. Masao’s wife Yoriko is Yomoka’s Excel instructor–and why not? Both reside in Hatori ward. That something is found, not through magic or artifice, but persistence and application; Go’s complex strategies remain a stretch for Masao, but he persists, learns, enjoys.

Aoyama’s novel is a literary Tardis–far larger on the inside than anticipated from without. Purchase for a gift, but explore its paths and crossroads yourself, note the bibliography of bonus books before you wrap and tie the bow. 

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OUR LAVENDER | A DAY IN THE LIFE Phone alarm or old school alarm? I recently switched back to a classic alarm clock! Not spending my nights scrolling social media has been a huge help to my sleep routine.

What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Let out the dogs and feed them breakfast. The princesses would NOT be happy if that wasn’t my first priority!

Breakfast? 2 or 3 hard boiled eggs… I have quite the unhealthy attachment to my egg cooker!

Coffee? ALWAYS! Cream or no? No cream, usually iced (typical gay behavior, I know, haha).

How do you spend your commute? I fortunately work from home most days and have the pleasure of seeing clients through telehealth! (I am currently taking new clients and so are other therapists through Therapy Shop, btw!)

What do you nerd out for (gaming, music, histor y, etc.)? I love my dogs and the dog community I have found in the Twin Cities.

I show miniature poodles and the fancy does take quite a bit of time and attention!

What music have you been digging lately? I love the direction of Americana and Folk music lately.

There are some really great queer artists returning to country roots.

Jory Miller

BY LINDA RAINES

Where did you grow up? Rural North Dakota. It’s a classic story of the queer Midwest farm kid finds his way to The Cities.

Where do you live? Northeast Minneapolis!

Who do you live with? My two pups, Greta and Edie! And some very bossy goldfish (Ina Garten and Paula Deen).

What is your occupation? I’m a therapist with the agency, Therapy Shop. I have a caseload with quite a few LGBTQ+ clients and serving the community is a daily honor.

When did you come out? I think like most gay folks, it was an evolving process that didn’t happen all at once. But I slowly made myself more visible throughout my early 20s.

How’d that go? It’s been a journey for sure! It’s had its ups and downs, but I’ve learned so many beautiful things about myself along the way.

When do you wake up? Uffda.. I am not a morning person, but I can usually push myself to get out of bed around 7:30 or 8.

Photos courtesy of Jory Miller

10 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

Is your work space tidy or a hot mess? Always tidy. Keeping a clean space helps me focus on the work I am doing with my clients.

What’s been your favorite job? Oh I have had so many, but I did work at a corn maze in my early teens! I always have fond memories of doing that.

Favorite weeknight meal: Go out, take out, or cook in? I love to go out and try new spots throughout the cities! (but my budget and health goals would always tell me to stay home and cook).

On a usual weeknight, you are doing what? Taking care of my animals, hitting the gym, and I am working on finding time for mindfulness and consistent self-care.

Bedtime? I am usually hopeful to hit the hay before midnight.

Favorite weekend activity?

Seeing friends, exploring new restaurants and bars, or finding time to catch up on lingering house projects!

What are you most proud of, and why? That’s a good question. I think I am really proud of the shifts I have made in finding more truth in the importance of centering myself and living authentically. Creating a sustainable, thoughtful life for yourself is really important.

Words of wisdom to share?

Try to always assess if you are making decisions out of love or fear.

Operating out of love will always be true. Oh- and don’t eat yellow snow. 

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OUR SCENE | EAT THE MENU

Bucheron

BY CARLA WALDEMAR

A bucheron, as they explained to me, is kind of like a lumberjack. Bucheron is also the name of the bold new hotspot for bistronomy in the metro, occupying the site of what started out as Corner Table back in the day. But I’m betting that Paul Bunyan and his bros never supped on smoked eel tartine. Nor a terrine of foie gras. Turnips, maybe, but not plated with bone marrow and pear-ginger puree, for which one pays eighteen dollars.

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Eighteen? For turnips? Is this a misprint? No. Simply a just reward for the talents in this kitchen.

(Choose carrots for $17 if you prefer. We inhaled both.)

The room was full as we walked in to honor our hard-to-snag reservation, humming with a pleasant, “we’re in this together” kind of buzz. Servers and a roving manager are Scout-troop friendly and trustworthy when quizzed for advice. “Try the venison tartare,” they instructed.

Next time—because, when I spot foie gras on a menu, like a well-trained Pavlov mutt, I start hyperventilating. The petite rectangle ($28), the size of a couple of dominoes, proved ultra-rich and uber-creamy: in other words, divine. It’s served with tiny crackles of roasted chestnuts, a spot-on sweet tart scoop of raspberry jam, and a—what? A scone. Who thought that was a good idea? But it was the only misstep of the evening. In itself, it’s fluffy as you please, but that’s not the best partner for the satiny foie. Good ol’ toasts provide a better platform for the spread, plus contrasting texture.

But I quibble. On to those turnips! They’re roasted, sliced into ivory rounds set aside a hillock of their greens, then—rags to riches—abetted by unctuous bone marrow and a tingle of sweet-spicy pear-ginger puree. Yessss!

Next, those grilled carrots ($17). Their innate sweetness met with the sharper snap of kohlrabi “sauerkraut” tangled atop them, lashed with cilantro-scented yogurt, a balancing sweet-and-sour sauce, and a vinaigrette tempered with vadouvan (which is like curry, but without the heat). Never was the mandate from mom to eat your veggies easier to obey than at this café.

Speaking of: We then ordered the menu’s entrée starring lion’s mane mushrooms and huitlacoche (aka “corn smut” that grows like a delicious cancer on the ears), sent out upon a cushion of creamy polenta brightened by slices of sweet apple in careful balance with tart tomatillos— all bathed in a savory mushroom jus ($30).

Three additional entrees are listed ($30-40): John Dory, a wagyu steak, and our choice, a Berkshire pork chop—husky as you please but Sakura Wagyu Culotte Steak, Sticky Toffee Cake, Venison Tartare. Photos by Mike Hnida

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pleasingly moist and tender. The meat’s innate sweetness is saluted by sweet(ish) cashews and apples, then balanced by savory Brussels sprouts plus a spike of chilies livening a rich, earthy, meaty, morcilla sausage sauce. Delicious and well-balanced (but oh, those mushrooms! If you have one life to live, be sure to choose that entrée).

Yes, we saved room for a shared dessert.

Four choices ($12-14) sing their sirens’ song, and, like Ulysses, we caved. A homey sticky toffee cake, straight out of the British Isles, came partnered by a sweet-tart mandarin orange sorbet, the perfect ally, along with toasted hazelnuts and tangerine. Had we chosen the lemon tart, we could have had a taste of its sidekick, parsnip ice cream. We begged the kitchen for a tiny scoop. It proved to be mild of mien and creamy: easy to like.

As was the entire experience. It’s not cheap.

The price tag for this dinner for two, including two Old Fashioneds smoothed with Minnesota maple syrup and two glasses of red plus a 21 percent service charge, came to $283. That’s a hunk of money—but with a kitchen so focused and intentional in what it’s providing backed by a swell hospitality ethos, it’s money well spent.  Bucheron 4257 Nicollet Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 255-5632 www.Bucheronrestaurant.com

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OUR SCENE | NIGHTLIFE

Televised Women’s Sports To Find A New Home At A Bar Of Their Own

BY MADISON ROTH

Jillian Hiscock loves women’s sports. She is a season ticket holder for the Minnesota Lynx, the Minnesota team that represents the Women’s National Basketball Association, and an avid watcher of other women’s sports teams.

Before going to games, she often goes to a bar or restaurant. The TVs surrounding her show men’s sports and men’s sports only. Whether it’s professional teams or college level, none of the TVs show women’s sports.

Hiscock decided something should be done about this. Enter: A Bar of Their Own. Launched to the public this past September, A Bar of Their Own stemmed from The Sports Bra, the first bar in the U.S. dedicated to women’s sports in Portland, Oregon.

Hiscock loved the idea and wondered what it would take to get something like that in the Twin Cities, but she never thought she would be the one doing it.

“People just kept saying ‘It has to be you. It’s you, you know people, you know the beer industry, the food industry, you know sports. It’s gotta be you,’’ Hiscock said.

With the support of her wife, A Bar of Their Own was born in July of 2023.

The Twin Cities has a place where they can come watch women’s sports for the first time in history, watching with others who are women’s sports lovers as well.

Photos courtesy of Jillian Hiscock

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“To me, I keep coming back to watching women’s sports in community with other people, and the power that that experience can hold for people,” Hiscock said.

Everyone and anyone is invited to A Bar of Their own, as Hiscock said she welcomes people from all walks of life to come into her restaurant.

“I don’t want this to be conceived that you have to be a hardcore women’s sports fan or you have to be a woman to come,” Hiscock said. “I think it’s important when we think about that community, not just to see people that look and feel and walk like us all the time.”

Hiscock’s goal is to have the restaurant be diverse and welcoming, but also to make sure people don’t misinterpret the restaurant. Hiscock said she expects the queer community to be a major part of the crowd, but that doesn’t mean A Bar of Their Own is just for the queer community.

“We don’t call bars ‘straight bars,’ we don’t call sports bars ‘men’s sports bars,” Hiscock said.

“We have this labeling addiction with underrepresented communities, which I don’t want to downplay because representation is important, but that doesn’t need to define our entire business and who we are.”

Hiscock is queer and wants her restaurant to be a place where the queer community can come and feel safe, but she is also focused on making the restaurant inclusive for everyone else as well.

“These places can exist if we think about what each of these populations are looking for,” Hiscock said. “We are looking for a place where we feel safe and feel like we belong.”

Anybody who opens their own restaurant is expected to face challenges along the way, but Hiscock takes those challenges and considers them opportunities to learn. She looks towards her supporters to learn from their knowledge in order to get through any obstacles.

One of those supporters, along with many others, is Jade Denson, one of Hiscock’s best friends and shared season ticket holder for the Minnesota Lynx.

Denson said she is beyond excited to have a place she can always go to when she wants to watch sports. She talked about moments in the past where she would call ahead at the sports bar she would go to to make sure they would broadcast a women’s sports game.

“Every time someone walked up, I was worried they were going to ask to have something else put on the screen because it’s happened to me so many times,” Denson said.

The content she wants to see will always be available at A Bar of Their Own, and Denson said she cannot wait to be able to go there and talk about women’s sports with others.

With the bar opening planned for early March, there is plenty that Hiscock and her supporters are looking forward to.

“For that to be the norm for people, that elevating and lifting up women athletes doesn’t have to be a one-time event that happens once a season,” Hiscock said. “You’re going to watch it and that’s going to be the game every day.”

For those working with Hiscock and supporting her along the way, it’s been inspiring to watch A Bar of Their Own come to fruition.

“It’s been really inspiring and made me think about ‘What’s my thing? What is something I feel so passionate about that I could pour my all into?’’ Denson said. “She’s literally putting sweat, equity into it, all of her time and creativity and I think it’s really incredible to watch someone go after the thing and figure it out.”

The excitement and anticipation for opening weekend of the bar is apparent with everything Hiscock has put into her restaurant. She has dedicated the past months making sure the restaurant can be a place people can call their own.

“This is a dream I didn’t know I had two years ago,” Hiscock said. “I know that it’s not my dream and so many other people have a shared dream of what this space can be. We all deserve a place where we don’t have to feel like afterthoughts.”  A Bar of Their Own 2207 Franklin Ave. E., Minneapolis www.abaroftheirown.com

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OUR SCENE | THE ARTS

“Song of My Softening”

An Invitation to Poetry and a Celebration of Survival

BY BUER CARLIE

“It’s an exciting time for poetry,” says poet Omotara James, “Black poetry, queer poetry. So exciting that certain powers want to shut it down completely.”

Song of My Softening, which is James’ debut poetry collection, was released in early February of this year. It is a triumphant, luxurious text that goes as deep as it does wide in its subject matter. “I think there’s something there for anyone who loves words, poetry and art,” says James. “Many of the poems were written in response to different works of art, including photos, a Janet Jackson music video, collage.”

The collection also reflects James herself, delving into her life as a queer black woman, daughter of Nigerian and Trinidadian immigrants and an immigrant herself. Although she has lived most of her life in the United States, she was born in Britain and lived in both England and Scotland.

“The book responds to the prompts of life that are all around us,” says James. “Poetry is literally everywhere we look and this book speaks to that. I hope that anyone who reads this book takes it as an invitation not only to poetry, but as an invitation to celebrate everything that you’ve survived in this life.”

Song of My Softening is James’ debut full length poetry collection with Alice James Books. “This book exists in the tradition of celebration and revolution,” explains James. “Celebration of the self, the body, community. These poems explore the intimacies of relationships while also gesturing toward the abundance of the universe and nature: their songs Photos courtesy of Omotara James

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a revolt against oppression and hegemony.”

Song of My Softening proves the truism that specificity is the pathway to the universal. James vividly describes moments from her own childhood, teenage years, and young adult life. Readers will find themselves immersed in fresh stories with resonant, familiar cores. James utilizes her unique perspective to illuminate universal experiences.

This is not by accident. “What I love about this book is that even though the experiences are very specific to the speaker, the journey that she takes is super relatable and universal,” James explains. “It’s a coming-of-age story told by a speaker who might be considered a late bloomer, which means this book is for anyone who’s ever taken the long road to finding their way home.”

There is solace to be found in these pages. “Anyone who has been dealt a trauma,” says James. “Who has had a second, third or fourth chance, who has felt that the world has moved on without them, who has had to contend with presumptions and prejudices from birth, will find themselves in this book.”

James is aware of the power wielded through poetry. “They want to divide the young poet, the young reader, the young woman from her personhood, from discovering her own power and the knowledge that radical love is more fulfilling than capitalist empire,” says James.

This work speaks to modern political and social struggles in addition to personal ones. “Our society would be radically different if everyone was encouraged to hold fast to their personal agency and that’s why I write,” James explains. “These are the stakes of being a Black scholar and poet.”

At the time of this writing, Song of My Softening has just been released. “The book has only been out for a week…and I have been blown away by the response,” says James. “I’ve received many messages and the emails and tags on social media from people who embrace the language and the story of the book.”

Song of My Softening is heavily informed by the turmoil of our time and yet James’ optimism and joy sparkle on the page. “The work of this book is to transform the isolating annihilation of the self that we face on a daily basis, living under capitalism, and to reclaim our human connections through our own tenderness and communities,” says James. “The poems bear witness to the violence of erasure, while the language, breath and music of the poems allow all the tenderness of the world.”

“I believe it’s the responsibility of art to hold us, see us, give us a safe place to grieve and fall apart, a place to be known and realise we are not alone. This is what I experience when reading my favourite poems by Patricia Smith, Wo Chan, Airea D. Matthews, Zefyr Lisowski, Tiana Clark, Karisma Price, etc. This is what makes the work of poetry today increasingly urgent, during a time in which so many of us women, queer and trans folx are fighting for autonomy over our bodies.”

If you find yourself wanting more after you finish Song of My Softening James also released Daughter Tongue in 2018. This book was selected by African Poetry Book Fund, (Akashic Books, 2018), for the New Generation African Poets Box Set. Her work also appears in print and digital journals, including the Poetry Foundation, The Nation, BOMB Magazine, the Paris Review, Literary Hub, Guernica, Poetry Society of America and elsewhere. Her poetry has been featured in the Academy of American Poets Poem-A-Day series.

You can keep up with Omotara and her work on her website and via social media, which are both listed below.

“Love is a map. Beneath the lyrical music of this book is a treasure map for anyone who longs to find their own music.”  Omotara James www.omotarajames.com @omotarajames

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19

OUR SCENE | THE ARTS

“Royal Subject”

In its 43rd Season, the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus Keeps Calm and Carries On

BY TERRANCE GRIEP

When an old-timey sailing ship would encounter a storm at sea, the key to survival was keeping the storm’s lashing waves against the ship’s bow (known, in the lamentable lingo of landlubbers, as the big boat’s pointy front). One vital component to keeping a storm’s lashing waves against the ship’s bow was keeping the ship’s bow above the churn of the mad, white brine, and the surest way to achieve that effect was the poignant jettisoning of all dispensable cargo.

The fairly-recent pandemic and the subsequent lockdown composed a quieter, deadlier storm that forced virtually every endeavor into similar change. For a decades-old institution like the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus, the jettisoning was especially poignant as popular culture and viral culture do not the friendliest of shipmates make. Notes TCGMC’s Matt Hudson, “After the pandemic, we started exploring performing in different venues.”

Hudson had signed on as a singer years before the dark clouds of the pandemic began to coagulate. “I joined TCGMC in 2017 looking for a new way to get involved in our community outside of the bar scene,” he remembers. “I had been performing in drag for six years and was looking for another creative outlet. I had enjoyed chorus in high school and after seeing TCGMC’s Pride concert, I decided the following fall I was going to join.”

That joining, it turned out, was merely the foremast of Hudson’s community involvement—backstage beckoned just as compellingly as onstage had. “Production was fully done by volunteers but required countPhoto courtesy of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus

20 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

less hours which was a heavy lift for our general members, so our Board of Directors decided to make a formal contracted position,” Hudson says. “I had been acting as one of the production co-chairs at the time, a position I took up based on my love of theater and project management.”

This background in production management led, logically enough, to Matt Hudson becoming the Chorus’s first production manager.

In this capacity, Hudson’s quest for a new creative outlet has been fully realized. “Every season, we produce a more upbeat, pop style concert which typically happens during our Pride concert,” Hudson observes.

“However, this year our Pride concert will be featuring a brand-new commission that we’ll be performing for the upcoming GALA festival, so we are doing our pop concert for spring.”

Each concert needs a theme in the same way that a ship needs a sail, and coming up with those for TCGMC’s 43rd season evoked storms of a happier sort. Catalogs Hudson: “Our artistic director, Doctor Gerald Gurss, had a think tank section with a wide variety of singers late winter of 2022 and brainstormed different themes that our singers would like to see TCGMC present.”

The second concert‘s core was conscripted from the other side of the Atlantic. “British artists was a theme that came up and one that resonated well with Doctor Gurss,” says Hudson. “From there, our marketing and artistic staff worked to name the concert, and you have ‘God Save the Queens.’”

“God Save the Queens” will be presented on two consecutive nights, and this pair of presentations are…pretty much what you’d expect. “This concert will feature all queer or queer adjacent artists,” Hudson promises. “From Sam Smith and Boy George to Queen and Adele there is a something for everyone in this concert.”

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Being both production manager and a singer offers Hudson a singular perspective on the Angophilic presentation. “I’m most looking forward to the opening of our second act,” he anticipates. “When I saw the lineup of music, I knew this song needed to make a statement and I hope that the audience will enjoy the vision that comes from it as much as we’ve enjoyed creating it.”

Such creation entails a longer-term process than most might think. “While the chorus is currently working on learning our spring concert, Doctor Gurss and I are already looking at Season 44–the theme of the concerts, the venues, et cetera,” Hudson says. “It’s nearly impossible to solely focus on one concert at a time in this role…but it’s also one of the joys that come with the role to which I greatly enjoy.”

Those joys can pile up pretty quickly. “I want to say not only as a singer but as one of the staff for TCGMC,” Matt Hudson proclaims, “I am proud at the advances we’ve made over the past few years since coming out of the pandemic.”

Despite its obvious detriments, the pandemic has left an improbable legacy. Says Hudson, “If you want to experience the magic of TCGMC from the comfort of your home we have an entire COVID season of concerts available to stream via YouTube that was truly the heart and soul of our organization and that kept many of us sane during the pandemic.”

While the lockdown forced every endeavor to grow lighter, the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus is sailing away from that silent storm by growing bigger. “We’ve engaged a Diversity Equity and Inclusion team to help us with some of our initiatives, we’ve made our wardrobe more gender expansive, and TCGMC welcomes many singers who are on their own gender journeys,” Hudson asserts. “It’s a wonderful organization of like-minded individuals that share their love of music that get to gather once a week from September to June.”  Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus: “God Save the Queens” March 22-23 – both performances at 7:30p Ted Mann Concert Hall, 2128 S 4th St., Minneapolis www.tcgmc.org www.zeffy.com/en-US/ticketing/3e565078-b5eb-49eb-96e1-0a65640bea3b

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21

OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

Getting Down to Business With Cody and Kenny

BY SUSAN SWAVELY

What if your dream person also turned out to be your dream business partner? Well, that hypothetical isn’t so hypothetical for Kenny Newby (he/him) and Cody Chamberlain (he/him). The couple recently decided to take their COVID-hobby-turned-business-venture to the next level by opening up a brick-and-mortar storefront together for their handcrafted candle business, Shoreline Goods.

Newby and Chamberlain’s love story starts long before any mention of Shoreline Goods, though. The couple met sixteen years ago in Bemidji, where they were both living at the time. While Newby is Bemidji born-and-raised, Chamberlain was a complete newbie to the area. He Photos courtesy of Kenny Newby

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says, “I was living there because I worked at Bemidji State University—it was my first professional job and I moved there not knowing one person.

I met Kenny about one month after moving there. We met online and decided to meet up and hang out.” And that was it. From there, the pair was drawn together by their mutual love for music and sports. Neither of them were out to their families at the time, so their relationship presented its challenges, but the two always found so much comfort and support in each other. Newby says, “I had never met someone before Cody that I had so much in common with. Being able to be open with him and just be myself was a very liberating feeling. I remember thinking it was all too good to be true as we had so much fun together and just laughed all the time.”

It’s so clear to see that Chamberlain and Newby’s relationship was definitely built on a foundation of happiness. Chamberlain says, “[Being with Newby] just seemed so easy and natural. At the beginning of our

relationship, we just had fun. [We] went to lots of country music concerts, played in a volleyball league together. I met a lot of Kenny’s friends through this and I loved them just as much as he did. Like I said, it was super easy and organic. It just worked and we had a blast in those two years in Bemidji.”

After two years in Bemidji, the couple moved out west for a while before coming home to Minnesota. Their relationship is as strong as ever. Chamberlain says, “Kenny and I are best friends and are committed to each other, our home, our pup, and now our business…[He] is funny, smart, driven, and a hard worker. He also has the kindest smile and a great belly laugh. Those are the things I like about him. I look at him and I feel at home.” It really is true what they say about home: it’s a feeling, not a place. And Newby has plenty of good things to say about Chamberlain too. “Cody is the balance I need in my life. He takes great care of our home and all the little things that are easy for me to not pay enough attention to… Cody is a great story teller and I always enjoy the things he shares from his past. He makes me laugh, is very supportive of me, [is] a hard worker, and I love his smile.”

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Newby and Chamberlain weren’t always in the candle-making and woodworking business, however. In fact, Chamberlain is an elementary school counselor and is currently pursuing a MSE/Ed.S. School Psychology degree. Newby, who has worked in public education for 21 years as both a teacher and principal, currently works as a elementary principal. Chamberlain also serves on the Board of Directors for the National Association of Elementary School Principals as the Zone 7 Director, a role that gives him the opportunity to represent the eight states in Zone 7 (Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and Alaska).

Continued on page 24 LAVENDERMAGAZINE.COM

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OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

So how did candles get involved, exactly? Well, Newby and Chamberlain’s business together started sort of unexpectedly. After being inspired by local farmers markets and art fairs, they decided to try their hand at crafting—and through hard work, determination and support from each other, created Shoreline Goods.

Chamberlain says, “Shoreline Goods started out as an at-home candle business. We got a simple candle kit during COVID and it sat unopened in the basement for years.” But after getting the energy to dive into the project, they quickly fell into the swing of things. Chamberlain says, “We currently have our candles in a good number of stores in the area as well as a few shops in each of our hometowns. We recently acquired a great retail space between Scandia and Marine on Saint Croix and we plan to open in the spring with our candles and woodworking along with other unique Midwestern vendors—jewelry, body products, teas, and home goods to name a few.”

Some people might worry that starting a small business together, with all the stress that it can bring, might tear a relationship apart—but not Newby and Chamberlain’s. With such a foundation of love, support, and determination to beat the odds, the couple’s relationship has only gotten stronger. Chamberlain says, “I think it’s strengthened [our relationship]. We spend a lot of time brainstorming about what our next steps are and how we can better our exposure and our products. It’s been nothing but beneficial to be in business together even through the ups and downs.

It’s nerve wracking to have a small business and now to open a storefront but the more people we meet, and the more we realize what our customers want—we feel empowered to keep getting better and better.”

If we learn anything from Chamberlain and Newby’s incredible love story, it’s that doing what you love with the person you love is a truly wonderful thing.

24 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

Don’t miss out on all the awesome handcrafted finds at Shoreline Goods’ brand new location! And to check out their online shop for yourself, log on to: https://shoreline-goodsmn.square.site  Shoreline Goods 19707 St Croix Trail N., Marine on St Croix https://shoreline-goods-mn.square.site Facebook: Shoreline Goods MN Instagram: @shorelinegoodsmn

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25

OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

Union Depot Will Get Your Wedding On Track

BY SPENCER WHITE

When you think of the Union Depot in St. Paul, your first thought may not be “wedding venue,” but for over 10 years, they have been working to change that.

There is far more to be considered about a train station’s relationship to marriage than some antsy lovers hopping on a romantic ride to Vegas looking to elope.

For over 10 years, the Union Depot has been hosting weddings in its restored halls. The depot hosts other standard events for companies and other parties, but they also host yoga classes, trivia nights and even a pop-up canine carnival.

If you’ve ever sat in the towering halls of the Union Depot waiting for the arrival of your Amtrak, you know how easy it is to lose yourself in the imposing architecture surrounding you. Since its restoration in 2012, the Union Depot has shifted its goals as a channel to facilitate transportation to a destination of its own.

In the vast renovations, 38,000 square feet of ceiling plaster was restored, 10,000 square feet of pink marble was cleaned, carriageways were redesigned to accommodate emergency vehicles while maintaining their classic antiquity, and so much more.

All of this is in service of crafting the depot into a center for community, rather than just a locomotive landing station. None of it would have been possible without transformative renovations.

Valerie Condon, event sales and coordination supervisor at Union Depot, said one of its greatest strengths as a venue is the architecture.

“It kind of speaks for itself,” Condon said. “It doesn’t warrant a need for a lot of extra decor because it’s just architecture and that makes it a really budget-friendly destination.”

How does a destination commended for its architectural artistry remain affordable?

Photo by www.snapshotphoto.com. (Opposite Page) Photo by www.coralmia.com.

26 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

The average U.S. wedding in 2024 costs around $33,000, according to Zola, a wedding planning site. The average cost of a venue on its own is $6,500 to $12,000.

In comparison, Union Depot is much more affordable.

Condon said that Saturdays during their peak season — May through October — cost $4,500, Saturdays in the offseason cost $4,000, and all Fridays and Sundays are $3,500. That fee comes with 16 hours of access, from 8 a.m. to midnight.

Past those financial stressors, planning out the supposed happiest day of your life can be a nightmare. However, with the Union Depot, some of that pressure can be relieved.

Coordinators with Union Depot will work with you to plan just about every aspect of your wedding, from vendor selection to security scheduling, according to Condon.

Union Depot has a wide variety of preferred vendors including 11 unique catering options. While these are preferred vendors, Union Depot is open to exceptions to meet particular ethnic and religious dietary restrictions. You can also bring in your own wedding cake.

You might be wondering about how foot traffic from trains could affect your matrimony, a reasonable concern to have.

According to Condon, large drapes are used to separate the area between weddings and general passenger foot traffic, so overlaps are unlikely. She added that they are prepared to find alternative waiting areas for passengers, so you should not have to worry about unexpected interruptions.

Another reality of pedestrian traffic is security needs. There is already plenty of security present at the Union Depot, but there is an added cost for additional officers for all events, Condon said. This extra fee does not go to Union Depot, rather, it goes to their security company Allied Universal Security.

Another type of traffic you will not have to worry about is, well, regular traffic.

One of the most underrated features of the Union Depot is the parking, Condon said. She remarked that, while many may be concerned about parking ability in other venues in an urban setting, the Union Depot is different as it has four large parking lots with over 1,000 spaces.

Past the pull of a parking paradise, one cannot forget the architectural beauty of the space. An excellent place for pictures, Condon mentioned a few favorite destinations for wedding photos.

The North Plaza, complete with imposing pillars behind a well-kempt lawn, is a classic photo spot, Condon said. The East Plaza has the added benefit of the St. Paul skyline, for those with an affinity for the city. If you want to stay inside, Condon said a shot under the clock is always a popular choice.

Condon mentioned that, for those who want more of a neighborhood vibe, Mears Park is only a block away.

When it comes to weddings, the Union Depot has a little bit of everything. There is little you can do to avoid matrimonial financial distress, but Union Depot puts the process on rails and allows for an efficient, relatively inexpensive, experience.

The Union Depot has hosted over 50 weddings over the last two years and has around 20 more planned for this year, Condon said. If you want a unique venue with plenty of experience, the Union Depot might be the destination for you.  Union Depot 214 4th St. E., Saint Paul www.uniondepot.org/plan-your-event/weddings

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27

OUR LIVES | ASK ELISE

Press Pause

BY ELISE MAREN

Ask Elise is an advice column meant for suggestions regarding LGBTQ+ community member dilemmas of any kind. If I am not qualified to answer your question (regarding issues for transgender individuals, people of color, etcetera), I will ask someone who is qualified and cite them. Your question is equally important and may help another community member. If you have a question, please submit it to elise.m.maren@gmail.com listing your pronouns and pseudonym if desired. If you need someone to talk to for more urgent or serious matters, please consider using the following hotlines: The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline: (888) 843-4564 Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860: Trans Lifeline is a trans-led organization that connects trans people to the community, support, and resources they need to survive and thrive.

Dear Elise, My partner has a hard time not allowing the emotions of those around her impact her wellbeing. Since I have had an exceptionally hard time lately (two trips to the hospital), she has pitched the idea of taking a break from our relationship so that she can work on this. Staying together during this hard time makes more sense to me because I think she needs exposure to people who are having a tough time in order to work on this. Ultimately, I have to respect her wishes, but I am looking for validation of my opinion so that I don’t feel silly. Do you have any advice on how to survive a relationship break?

Sincerely, Trudy Luv Photo courtesy of BigStock/Wordley Calvo Stock

28 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

OUR AFFAIRS | BOOKS

Dear Trudy, While I am not a relationship counselor, I do have experience working with my therapist in a similar situation to yours. To provide hope, it has been nearly two years

Books

BY E.B BOATNER

since my partner and I went on a break for other reasons. Similarly, I felt that we should work through it and she thought we should take space. I would move mountains for this woman, so of course I obliged. It ended up being the right thing for her. For me however, when I was asked by a friend, “What did you learn from the break?” several months later, I responded with, “I learned that it would be nearly unbearable to live without her.” While my partner also felt this excruciating pain during the break and returned with a similar opinion, she really needed that time to work on herself.

Both my partner and I worked with therapists during this time. It sounds like your partner’s predicament is a textbook therapy problem. It would also be beneficial for you to have that support during that time. While I am of the opinion that your feelings are valid and reasonable, your partner likely has other people in her life that she can practice wellbeing in times of suffering with. Those people might have smaller problems than your health and that might be what she needs right now in order to be a better support to you in the future. If you at all struggle with a similar problem, now would be an exceptional time to work on it. If you or your partner have any trauma, EMDR is an exceptional resource for that. It has relieved me of major trauma triggers. I was even able to talk with a medical school interviewer without crying about how my childhood traumas influenced my decision to go into medicine right after a massive trigger that day.

I hope that testimony inspires you to seek therapy help. If therapy is not accessible financially, I think there are organizations like RECLAIM that work to improve mental health accessibility for the LGBTQ+ community. It is an organization for youth but I think they have some adult programming and would know of other resources for adults that could help. 

The Art of Murder in the Museum of Man Alfred Alcorn Colrain Press $19.99

Bullets whizzing overhead alert protagonist Norman A. de Ratour and open Alfred Alcorn’s fourth chronicle of murderous events surrounding this achingly self-aware, self-centered hero, Director of the Museum of Man at Wainscott University, Seaboard, Maine. Gargoyles, caryatids, chimeras and masques adorned ancient structures; Wainscott’s are alive; they preach, harangue, speak in Voynichian-level academese.

Witty, sarcastic, complex, Alcorn leads the reader a merry chase. Younger wife and budding actress Diantha is enmeshed with a rogue actor; chimpanzee Alphus (surname Ratour) intelligence lab-enhanced, nattily-dressed, converses in sign language, author of A Voice of Nature, an accusatory environmental screed he wants Norman to vet. Gangsters, local cops, Scotland Yard import Morgliesh (much roman à clef throughout) contribute. A zesty read, but seek out and peruse the previous three.)

What You Are Looking For Is in the Library Michiko Aoyama tr. Alison Watts Hanover Square Press $21.99

Residents of Tokyo’s “Hatori” ward may use the elementary school’s adjoining Community House’s classes and workshops or browse its “classroom-sized” library. In this latter resides librarian Sayuri Komachi; very large, enigmatic, wedged in a small space, ceaselessly felting small furred objects on hooks. To her come the five individuals of Michiko Aoyama’s novel.

Male and female, different ages and stations in life, all want–something. Searching, they’ve come to the library, thence Ms Komachi. She listens, downs needles, rapid-fires a list of pertinent books plus a dividend, adds a felted gift. Each seeker is changed, not by magic or Komachi’s extra-sensory-powers, but by knowledge; of themselves, of possibilities. How, after all, can one grow, change, offer respect and love for others without first embracing oneself?

How Do You Live?

Gaytheist: Coming Out of my Orthodox Childhood

Hayao Miyazaki’s inspiration for The Boy and the Heron, was titled (as was the film), How Do You Live? Author Genzaburo Yoshino (1899-1981) wrote as Japan became more militarized, and restrictive; he’d been jailed, and later the book was banned. It follows fifteen-yearold Copper and school pals throughout a year.

Hardly Ghibli-worthy? Similar themes pervade: death, bereavement, betrayal, bullies, power’s temptations, facing one’s flaws. A boy and his uncle discuss numerous topics; Napoleon, what constitutes heroism, Greek Buddha statues, life choices. Uncle journals thoughts for Copper to read later. “Copper”? You’ll learn the reason for the boy’s nickname along with how tofu is made in his less monied schoolmate’s family’s shop. Miyazaki’s mom gave young son Hayao the copy that later inspired his magical version.

A sensitive, often painful coming-of-age graphic memoir. Its subtitle foreshadows the difficulties facing any youngster raised in any belief that considers gayness an abomination. In Lonnie’s home life, each action, each bite of food is subject to strict kosher rules, strictures that are memorized and performed in many Orthodox homes, but how thrive under “abomination?” The dreamlike illustrations–muted tones of blues, grays, soft tans and greens, set a distance between the characters inner lives and their everyday, harsh realities. The story begins as young Lonnie relates his father dismissing his terrifying near-drowning in a neighbor’s pool. “This is the first time I remember realizing that counting on my parents could be dangerous…I learned that I had to save myself.” In the end he did. 

Genzaburō Yoshimo tr B. Navasky Algonquin Young Readers $12.99

Lonnie Mann – Art by Lonnie Mann and Ryan Gatts Street Noise $23.99

LAVENDERMAGAZINE.COM

29

OUR HOMES | OUR RIDES

An Upgrade For Your Soul

BY RANDY STERN

For the past 24 years, one of the few vehicles that have found favor within our community was the Kia Soul. It was boxy, funky, efficient, youthful, and affordable. Because of those reasons alone, we love our Kia Souls!

As Soul owners started to outgrow their beloved rides, they began to look for something more substantial. While they were certainly satisfied with the experience with their “hamsters,” one could not ignore the onset of life changes. Having children, multiplying the number of pets, and upward mobility.

Photos by Randy Stern

30 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

Given our collective love with the Soul, staying within the Kia brand was a priority. It took the Korean automaker a few more years – 2020, to be exact – for a model to arrive as a proper upgrade for their little boxes.

The 2021 Kia Seltos was the upgrade Soul owners were looking for. Not too large – yes, even the Sportage was considered “large” to these consumers – but just right. It also offered all-wheel drive – something that was never available on the Soul. The Seltos began to tick all of the boxes consumers wanted in a more mature and spacious upgrade from the Soul.

For 2024, Kia continues to offer the Seltos.

This year, the smallish SUV got some midcycle updates to bring it in line with current brand design, safety, and technology standards. These updates help maintain the value proposition Kia owners look for in their chosen vehicles.

These updates are more evident up front with a different grille design that makes it sharper. The LED headlamp and other front lighting units are integrated onto the new grille pattern with a new design. What remains

from the previous model is a steep angle of approach that is normally found on off-road type SUVs. The rear taillight unit has been rearranged for 2024, now with a lens dropping vertically against the liftgate, as well as across it.

In addition, new wheel designs were added for 2024, including the 18-inch blackand-chrome wheels found on our SX all-wheel drive tester.

From the beginning, the Seltos overall design was a mix of current SUV design standards along with some bold elements designed to keep the Seltos distinctive within its class and the rest of the Kia lineup.

The roofline offers a slope giving the C-pillar a triangular piece of glass. In all the profile works perfectly for interior access all around.

Kia’s design language now includes a flat panel for the instrument cluster and infotainment screen. For the 2024 Seltos, the panel is integrated onto the dashboard rather than stand alone in a tablet-like fashion. Within the panel are two 10.25-inch screens. One, is a fully digital instrument cluster with a customizable center readout for vehicle information. To the right of that is the infotainment screen housing all sorts of functions, including smartphone mirroring.

The remainder of the Seltos’ cockpit comprise of familiar switches and controls found on most – if not all – Kia models. They work exceptionally well with the right amount of logic. If you’ve driven a Soul recently, then you should be familiar with the controls in the Seltos.

Our SX tester offered up an eight-speaker Bose audio system for our entertainment. It also has an element of art with additional Sound Connected Mood Lamp. Talk about a groove!

On top of the audio upgrade, this SX tester adds a two-tone SynTex upholstery that looks luxurious. The front seats were pretty supportive and quite comfortable. Rear seat room is very good with plenty of leg and head room for six-footers.

The real upgrade from the Soul is found as soon as you open the liftgate of the Seltos.

Cargo space starts with 26.8 cubic feet behind the second row of seats. Once they are folded down, the Seltos offers 62.8 cubic feet of cargo room.

Seltos customers have a choice of two engines. Standard on the three lowest trims is a 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine connected to Kia’s Intelligent Variable Transmission. However, our SX tester – along with the X-Line model – is powered by a 195-horsepower 1.6-liter turbocharged engine with 195 pound-feet of torque.

It is connected to an eight-speed automatic transmission and Kia’s Dynamax all-wheeldrive system.

The turbocharged engine serves plenty of power when you need it. Passing is done smoothly and swiftly. By switching to a geared transmission over the IVT, you experience

more predictable shifts.

When it comes to fuel economy, we witnessed an average of 25.2 MPG during our time with the turbocharged Seltos.

We also felt that the ride quality was pretty good for this vehicle. There was minimal feedback when it tackled rougher road surfaces.

We also love that the Seltos was light on its feet when it came to evasive maneuvers and cornering. In all, the Seltos felt very much in control wherever we took it.

The steering system had good enough weight oncenter. In the turns, it held its own with the right amount of response down to the wheels. The brakes were solid overall.

You can experience in the Seltos’ pedal translating into good stopping power in normal and panic situations.

There are five trim levels to choose from on the 2024 Kia Seltos. Pricing starts from $24,390 – including standard all-wheel drive! The sticker price on our SX tester came to $33,085. With the rising cost of automobiles, would you believe that is considered a good value?

That is why you were originally attracted to the Kia Soul in the first place. It was a vehicle that offered loads of personality and quirky design at an affordable price. While more mainstream in design and purpose, the Seltos represents good value with the added bonus of all-wheel drive.

Now that you have outgrown your boxy little Soul, it is time to step up. The Kia Seltos is a natural progression of this upward mobility you seek. If you can fit it in your budget, this will definitely do the trick! You might even fall in love with it. 

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31

COMMUNITY CONNECTION Community Connection brings visibility to local LGBTQ-friendly non-profit organizations.

To reserve your listing in Community Connection, email advertising@lavendermagazine. com.

ADOPTION & FOSTER CARE Foster Adopt Minnesota

Finding families and providing information, education, and support to Minnesota Adoptive, Foster and Kinship communities.

2446 University Ave. W., Ste. 104 St. Paul, MN 55114 (612) 861-7115, (866) 303-6276 info@fosteradoptmn.org www.fosteradoptmn.org

ANIMAL RESCUE

Second Chance Animal Rescue

Dedicated to rescuing, fostering, caring for, and adopting out dogs and cats into forever homes.

P.O. Box 10533 White Bear Lake, MN 55110 (651) 771-5662 www.secondchancerescue.org

BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS

Quorum

Minnesota's LGBTQ+ and Allied Chamber of Commerce working to build, connect, and strengthen for a diverse business community.

2446 University Ave. W., Ste 112 St. Paul, MN 55114 (612) 460-8153 www.twincitiesquorum.com

CASINOS

Mystic Lake Casino Hotel

Nonstop gaming excitement with slots, blackjack, bingo and more plus distinctive bars and restaurants.

2400 Mystic Lake Blvd.

Prior Lake, MN 55372 (800) 262-7799 www.mysticlake.com

ENVIRONMENT

The Nature Conservancy

HEALTH & WELLNESS

Aliveness Project

Community Center for individuals living with HIV/AIDS – on-site meals, food shelf, and supportive service.

3808 Nicollet Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55102 (612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org

We're a sliding fee sexual health clinic and education center, now in Minneapolis.

1919 Nicollet Ave. Minneapolis MN 55403 (612) 473-0800 www.familytreeclinic.org

Keane Sense of Rhythm

Celebrate your true self with Tap dance!

1st week free, Join us now!

2161 University Avenue W., Ste. 117 St. Paul, MN. 55114 (612) 251-4744 info@tapcompany.org www.tapcompany.org

NAMI Minnesota

(National Alliance on Mental Illness) Providing free classes and peer support groups for people affected by mental illnesses.

800 Transfer Rd. #31 St. Paul, MN 55114 (651) 645-2948 www.namihelps.org

Rainbow Health Minnesota

Providing comprehensive health services for LGBTIA+ people, those living with HIV & folks from underserved communities facing healthcare barriers.

701 S. 4th Ave. #1500 Minneapolis, MN 55415 General: (612) 341-2060, MN AIDSLine: (612) 373-2437 info@rainbowhealth.org www.rainbowhealth.org

Red Door Clinic

Sexual health care for all people. Get confidential tests & treatment in a safe, caring setting.

525 Portland Ave., 4th Fl. Minneapolis, MN 55415 (612) 543-5555 reddoor@hennepin.us www.reddoorclinic.org

LIBRARIES

Quatrefoil Library

Your LGBTQ+ library and community center. Free membership, events, and e-books/audiobooks. Check us out!

1220 E. Lake St. Minneapolis, MN 55407 (612) 729-2543 www.qlibrary.org

EVENT VENUES

Radio K is the award-winning studentrun radio station of the University of Minnesota.

330 21st. Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org

A classic venue, with a grand cortile and beautiful courtrooms, accommodates celebrations of all sizes.

75 W. 5th St. St. Paul, MN 55102 (651) 292-3228 www.landmarkcenter.org

GRANTMAKERS/FUNDERS PFund Foundation

PFund is the LGBTQ+ community foundation that provides grants to students and grants to non-profits.

PO Box 3640 Minneapolis, MN 55403 612-870-1806 www.pfundfoundation.org

32 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

The nation’s largest professional dinner theater and Minnesota’s own entertainment destination.

501 W. 78th St. Chanhassen, MN 55317 (952) 934-1525 www.ChanhassenDT.com

Family Tree Clinic

TNC is an environmental nonprofit working to create a world where people and nature thrive.

1101 W. River Pkwy., Ste. 200 Minneapolis, MN 55415-1291 (612) 331-0700 minnesota@tnc.org www.nature.org/minnesota

Landmark Center

PERFORMING ARTS

Chanhassen Dinner Theaters

MEDIA & COMMUNICATIONS

Radio K

MUSEUM

Minnesota Historical Society

Create your own adventure at MNHS historic sites and museums around Minnesota. mnhs.org

Walker Art Center

Showcasing the fresh, innovative art of today and tomorrow through exhibitions, performances, and film screenings.

725 Vineland Pl. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 375-7600 www.walkerart.org

Children’s Theatre Company

Children’s Theatre Company excites the imagination with world-class familyfriendly theatre for kids, teens, and adults.

2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55404 (612) 874-0400 www.childrenstheatre.org

Guthrie Theater

Open to the public year-round, the Guthrie produces classic and contemporary plays on three stages.

818 S. 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN 55415 (612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org

Lyric Arts Main Street Stage

Theater with character. Comedies, musicals, & dramas in a professional, intimate setting where all are welcomed.

420 E. Main St. Anoka, MN 55303 (763) 422-1838 info@lyricarts.org www.lyricarts.org

Minnesota Opera

World-class opera draws you into a synthesis of beauty; breathtaking music, stunning costumes & extraordinary sets.

Performances at the Ordway Music Theater - 345 Washington St., St. Paul, MN 55102 (612) 333-6669 www.mnopera.org

Minnesota Orchestra

Led by Music Director Designate Thomas Søndergård, the Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s leading symphony orchestras.

1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 371-5656, (800) 292-4141 www.minnesotaorchestra.org

Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus

An award-winning chorus building community through music and offers entertainment worth coming out for!

1430 W. 28th St., Ste. B Minneapolis, MN 55408 (612) 339-SONG (7664) chorus@tcgmc.org www.tcgmc.org

RELIGIOUS & SPIRITUAL

All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church

A welcoming, inclusive, safe place to explore and discover God’s love for ALL God’s children.

3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55407 (612) 824-2673 www.agcmcc.org

Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church

Everyone is welcome at Hennepin Church! Vibrant Worship. Authentic Community. Bold Outreach.

511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 871-5303 www.hennepinchurch.org

Plymouth Congregational Church

Many Hearts, One Song; Many Hands, One Church. Find us on Facebook and Twitter.

1900 Nicollet Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 871-7400 www.plymouth.org

St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral

An inclusive and affirming community transforming lives through God’s love.

519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 870-7800 www.ourcathedral.org

Westminster Presbyterian Church

An open and affirming congregation, welcoming persons of all sexual orientations, gender expressions and identities.

1200 Marquette Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 332-3421 www.westminstermpls.org

SENIOR LIVING Friends & Co

Fostering meaningful connections for older adults for 50+ years. Offering quick drop-in chat line, phone & visiting companionship services.

2550 University Ave. W., Ste. 260-S St. Paul, MN 55114 (612) 721-1400 www.friendsco.org

Senior Community Services

Providing non-medical services that meet the changing needs of older adults & support their caregivers.

10201 Wayzata Blvd., Ste. 335 Minnetonka, MN 55305 (952) 541-1019 www.seniorcommunity.org/lav

SOCIAL SERVICES

Lutheran Social Service of MN

Serving all Minnesotans with personcentered services that promote full and abundant lives. lssmn.org | 612-642-5990 | 800-582-5260 Adoption & Foster Care | welcome@chlss.org Behavioral Health | 612-879-5320 Host Homes | hosthomes@lssmn.org Supported Decision-Making | 888-806-6844 Therapeutic Foster Care | 612-751-9395

TRAVEL DESTINATIONS Discover St. Louis Park

Minnesota’s Sweet Spot! Visit us for exceptional dining, attractions, shopping, hotels and event space.

1660 Hwy 100 S., Ste. 501 St. Louis Park, MN 55416 (952) 426-4047 www.DiscoverStLouisPark.com

Discover Stillwater

Get away to Stillwater for delicious dining, fun shops, and unique nightlife in this charming rivertown! info@DiscoverStillwater.com www.DiscoverStillwater.com

YOUTH

The Bridge for Youth

Emergency shelter, crisis intervention, and resources for youth currently or at risk of experiencing homelessness.

1111 W. 22nd St. Minneapolis, MN 55405 (612) 377-8800 or text (612) 400-7233 www.bridgeforyouth.org

THE NETWORK Locally Owned & Operated Since 1950

Estimates 7am-4:30pm

Josh Kelly LGBTQIA+ Realtor® Account Executive. Lavender Media is seeking to add a Twin Cities based full time Account Executive to our sales team. We are looking for an outgoing, organized, self-driven & motivated professional with excellent phone, writing and presentation skills.

Candidates should enjoy working directly with clients who are interested in growing their business through Lavender advertising and event sponsorships. Candidates must be local. Includes base pay + commission and an employee benefits package that includes group health, dental, life insurance and LTD. Applicants should have experience with Mac software environment, Excel, Word, social media platforms & database software such as Filemaker Pro. They should exhibit an elevated level of organization, attention to detail, the ability to work as part of a team, effective communication, self direction, enjoys working with new people and has a natural drive to grow. Please send your cover letter and resume to stephen.rocheford@lavendermagazine.com

612.219.2211 JoshKelly@edinarealty.com JoshKelly.edinarealty.com

Bill’s Gun Shop & range More Guns - More Lanes

MORE FUN!

billsgs.com

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33

OUR VOICES | BAD GAY

Episode 9

BY LAKEY BRIDGE

I’m going to tell you about one of the most momentous moments of my life. It happened 34 years ago this month.

It happened in a gay bar that always had its lights dimmed to midnight. Even its outside front façade was painted pitch black. And the bar was named after a German city, which, of course, made it even scarier.

I was a sunny girl from the suburbs. I’d recently joined a pre-coming out group. It was more like a nursery school for coming out. A group that allowed you to take a peek behind the curtain of lesbianism and decide whether you wanted to enter or scurry back into the shadows. Well! I liked what I saw!

There were only six women in the group and a seasoned lesbian moderator. Four of us hit it off immediately and made plans to take a field trip to a gay bar before the next group session. The fifth woman never returned after the first meeting. And the sixth woman? We’ll get to her in a bit.

This was in 1990 when there still were a lot of gay bars. We had at least six lesbian bars in my city and scores of male-centered clubs. You had to sneak into the corners of society to feel safe in public. It was still a scary time to be gay.

Before I joined this coming out group, I was terrified. I was scared of embracing a life that was completely foreign to me and defying the expectations that were baked into me from day one. And, yeah, I was scared of kissing a girl. But not so scared that I didn’t think of it every moment of every damned day.

Our first field trip to a lesbian bar was a blast. We brought merry tales of our adventure to our second group meeting. We were surprised when the fifth woman in the group—a remote, beautiful creature who spent most session regarding our collective puppy dog embrace of newfound lesbianism with cool contempt—finally spoke up.

“Can I join you for the next field trip?”

Photo courtesy of BigStock/DTurPhoto

34 LAVENDER MARCH 7-20, 2024

If Juliette Binoche and Isabella Rossellini had a baby, it would have looked like her. Having a crush on her was completely off my radar. It would have been like having a crush on Catherine Deneuve. It would have been a waste of time. Why bother?

It was this woman who suggested the venue for our next field trip.

The raven-shaded club named after a German city known for its barbed wire and existential vibe. Because, of course, someone like her would choose a place like this! (I choose the destination for our next field trip: a suburban bar with a jukebox filled with Abba and showtunes.)

The bar was packed with gay men. All of whom had dangerous haircuts and whose dance moves were as jagged and aggressive as razors.

It felt like I’d entered a house of mirrors. Nothing appeared as it should.

My friends had disappeared into the inky dark of the dance floor. I was left standing with Isabelle Adjani. Without a word, she took my hand and brought me to the floor. I’m a terrible dancer, but it was a slow song so I could kind of just shuffle my feet.

I thought she was dancing with me because she had nothing better to do than stare moodily into mid-distance, as her type is wont to do.

But, then, she gently pulled my face to hers. And she kissed me. A real kiss. Not a settle-down-idiot-it’s-only-a-dance kiss.

It was my first kiss with a woman. And if a fissure ripped the earth in two at that moment, I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised. Because that’s what it felt like.

What I didn’t know then was that it was her first kiss with a woman, too. And that she, too, had mild suburban roots. And she, too, was terrified. The Breton striped tunics and air of ennui were just an act.

Now, 34 year later, after a 25-year period where she vanished into the ether, we’re married and living in the suburbs. She’s lactose intolerant so we don’t spend much time at dingy French cafes. But it still feels like the world ruptures with each kiss. 

Outdoor Oasis Lakeville

952.435.3399

Plymouth

763.551.3544

Roseville

651.633.7042

Woodbury

651.730.0321

schneidermans.com

Coon Rapids 763.219.1356

Duluth

218.723.2302