Belfast born and bred, we caught up with Marty Kearny and he shared his coming out story with us...... When did you first realise you were gay? I guess I first realized when I knew what GAY meant, I thought yep that’s me all right. In my school every kid from the top spor ts lad to the ginger kid was called a “fruit” “queer” “fag” etc, but when you were actually gay you couldn’t help but take it to hear t, and with those words being associated with being negative, especially when you’re a 12 year old boy it was very scary and worrying when I did first realize. But throughout my school years I was luckier than most, I’d a big brother looking after me, and even though it was never talked about until we were 16 my best friend was also gay so we had each other. What were the circumstances of your first public ‘coming out’? I think the first step is accepting it yourself. I had all those years to get used to it. I was 18 working in the M Club. It gave me a great social life and it was also the first time I star ted hanging around with people from outside Andersonstown. We would go out on Tuesday nights to the Limelight. One night I left early to go home but took a detour to the Kremlin. I said to myself I’ll go in and ask to use the toilet when I got inside there were about 20 other people, some drag queen was playing the weakest link or something like that with some punters, but all I could think was “look how many other gay people are living in in Belfast”. I only knew two other gay people at the time; my friend from school and myself. The next day I told my friend who I was out with and that’s how it went. As the days went on I would tell more and more people from the M Club, at the time these guys where my best friends and they volunteered to come with me. For a lot of weeks on a Sunday we would go - it just got better and better. I was meting so many new people getting a new-found confidence. I never thought in a million years I’d bump into someone I know, well I did. My ExGirlfriend. She was great about it, her sister is also gay and gave me great advice; she advised me to tell my parents before they were told by someone else, she also went on to tell me once they know you won’t care who knows. She was spot on.
Who did you tell, and how did they react? Her name was Kush she was a girl I worked with at the time, she said she knew and that I needed to get myself out on a weekend not a Tuesday night. She came with me and it turned out she was also gay. Was it a big deal for you, or did it feel natural? At the time of course it was a big deal. I was so happy I finally admitted it just not to myself but to other people. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted of my shoulders and life was just star ted to begin. Did you find it difficult to accept your sexuality? In my early teens yes, all the name calling that every student was called didn’t help, and then with all the stigma in the papers. This will come across as cheesy but television shows like Will & Grace and Willows coming out story line in Buffy star ted to shine a more positive light on gay people, and at the end of the day I knew my folks would love me no matter what. Right up until a few years ago I use to think my life would be better and easier if I where straight, I even wanted kids and on point. Being gay doesn’t define me as a person. I’m just a man who happens to be attracted to other men. Back when I was younger, yes it was hard to accept, now I wouldn’t change it for the world. How did your family react? It star ted when I was about 17 my mother would ask me, “Are you gay? You don’t talk to me anymore. I’m worried about you. You can tell me anything.” This went on until the day I admitted it at 19. My brother and I were arguing over socks or something as brothers do. He then shouted “ack away and watch your gay porn”, I felt like my knees would buckle and I would die as I knew my mum overheard. God love her she came out of the room and asked what he was on about? I don’t know I replied and went back into my room. I knew they knew it was just a matter of admitting it. So months went by and I was having the time off my life heading out and meting new friends. But like most mothers mine asks 101 questions. Where are you going? Who with? Who are they? Never heard you talk about them before. Do you
want a lift? So and so on. I had to lie and I hated it, and like my ex-girlfriends sister told me tell your parents before someone else does. So the next time my mother asked I told her. It was very emotional we both cried, and again with the 101 questions. Somethings parents just shouldn’t know. I asked her to not to tell my dad but she said they don’t have secrets, He came in from work and she told him, he knocked on my bed room and told me he loved me and to be honest he’s glad that’s all it was but also to give them time to adjust. And again even though they said they knew, for them they still need time to adjust. And adjust they did. I’m so proud off my folks I’m so lucky to have them, and my brother and sisters also never an issue. I did hear however that sometimes my brother and cousins got teased about having a “gay” in the family, but I didn’t care I was an out and proud gay man at 19 loving life Has anyone’s opinion changed of you since you came out? No. Not that I know of. Have you experienced any negativity because of your sexuality? In the workplace? I have had jobs where it has been an all-male working environment and the conversation has been tits, ass, horses and football, it’s been awkward and uncomfor table, but again if I star ted talking about dicks and desperate housewives those blokes would have been uncomfor table. Although the answer to my question is no I’ve never felt that in any of my jobs. Where do you live? How accepting are people in your hometown of LGBT people? I live in Belfast. I’m a home bird. I’ve had so many oppor tunities to move across the water and to par ts of Europe but gave them all up because I just love home. But The DUP and these Christian groups who more are less run this town want to treat me as a 2nd class citizen and take my equal rights away and introduce a conscience clause. It’s not very accepting. How do you see LGBT rights changing in NI/ Ireland in the near future? The headline in today’s Belfast Telegraph “The Christians fight back”. There shouldn’t be a fight
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