Mental health money worries? You are not alone

With a link between mental health problems and impulse spending now established, LINDA AITCHISON explores the causes and solutions to a potentially vicious circle.

Shirley Jones is a secret spender. She says her addiction is under control in the daytime, but at night, while her husband sleeps soundly in their spare room, she trawls through travel agents’ websites, bagging the best deals on her credit card.

Currently around £2,500 in debt, Shirley, 42, a shop assistant, from New Quay, Wales, says her husband Pete, a health and safety inspector, 47, doesn’t know about the latest trip she has booked five nights in Tenerife, next year, by herself, for when he’s away with work.

Shirley was first diagnosed with depression in her early 20s. In later years, faced with worry about her employment and the pandemic, she also developed clinical anxiety.

“I have no doubt my anxiety has led to a compulsion to spend,” she says. “Especially on holidays I can barely afford. Sometimes I book for Pete and me, a little weekend here and there, a night in a posh hotel and an overpriced concert that’s months away, sounds lovely, doesn’t it? But it’s not planned and it’s not budgeted for.

In that moment, I feel a high, a rush of adrenaline maybe, but mostly I come crashing down again pretty soon after.

“Other times, it’s just for me. I get really defensive about it … our children are grown up and moved away, who else can I treat? I read reports of people reaching £40,000 in debt through impulse buying and I think: “there but for the grace of God”.

“It’s my guilty secret, the money I owe makes me ashamed. I can’t bear the thought of telling Pete what I’ve done, I’ll share the news with him eventually, I know ... I’ll have to, he will be fine, telling me to go and relax, but I won’t tell him how much it has really cost.”

Shirley’s story is a familiar one.

People with mental health difficulties almost always find that their ability to look after money properly is affected in some way, according to a recent study by the Money and Mental Health Institute.

Some 93 per cent of respondents said that they spend more when they are unwell, according to the survey of more than 5,000 people who self-identified as having a mental health problem.

Francesca Baker, 36, a marketer and copywriter, from London, has had anorexia since she was a child. Like Shirley, her impulse buying has not led to major debt. But she says it remains a recognised problem … and an on-going “irritation”.

“On days when I haven’t fuelled myself well enough with food, I’m more likely to find a way to “fill” myself in other ways. And one is by spending money,” she says.

“I’ll distract myself by wandering to the shops or shopping online, buying things I don’t need, or perhaps even want.

“It’s just a waste of money which leaves me feeling guilty. A big part of my anorexia is not feeling worthwhile enough to do nice things for or buy things for (especially food), so I feel frustrated.

“I couldn’t tell you how much I have spent over the years, but it’s likely to be thousands of pounds, that’s £20-£50 every time it happens, over several years.

“I trawl a pound shop or buy lots of cheap clothes … which I already have enough of! I’m quite good at getting rid of stuff but definitely have too many clothes that I never wear.”

Thankfully, Francesca says things are improving. But there are still instances where she relapses.

“It happens less often now, as I slowly move through recovery, but when I have a bad few days it definitely rears its head. I consider it better than over exercising though which is my other coping mechanism.”

According to Cassie Watts, a coach specialising in helping clients attain a “wealth vision”, there are practical tools that offer support through an episode of impulsive spending.

She says: “Firstly, keep a track of when you are spending and what happened right before you felt the urge to spend.

“This way you begin to become aware of what your emotional triggers are. Noticing your thoughts is the first step, without this it’s easy to fall into overwhelm and spend money you otherwise wouldn’t be spending.

“Sometimes you may feel ashamed and embarrassed about this, you aren’t alone.”

“Reaching out to someone you trust or joining a support network can be really helpful to reduce or eliminate that shame as it builds your sense of belonging and acceptance. You are more than your current spending habits and while that can be improved, you are doing the best with the information you have.

“Shame represents the self, whereas guilt represents the behaviour. Your habits and reactions may benefit from a new way of being but you in your essence are already enough. You’re worthy and deserving of the help and guidance to recover from these financial habits that are hindering you.”

Cassie’s top five guidelines to curb impulse buying are:

1. Check your bank balance before you spend money, take a deep breath, count to 10 … give yourself enough time to make a conscious choice

2. Aim to only buy items that have been on your “want/need list” for more than a fortnight

3. Have a short “go to” activity you do once you recognise you’re having an emotional spending response: this may be simple like playing your favourite song, ringing your close friend, reciting a set of affirmations, drinking a glass of water while thinking uplifting and positive words about yourself or writing down your feelings in that moment.

4. Awareness is key and it takes practice. It takes unlearning habits you may have had your whole life.

5. Try to be patient and gracious with yourself.

Extensive information and support strategies can be found on the Mind website here.