No one in the Police Force talked about mental health”

In her 15 years as a police officer, Hannah Bailey dealt with tragedy and trauma on a daily basis, writes AMANDA CHALMERS. She now spends her time helping other officers overcome burnout, overwhelm and anxiety. This is her story.

When Hannah Bailey looks back over her 15 years in the Police, it is with still raw, but mixed, emotions.

As a fresh-faced 21-year-old who had quit university, this was a career she admits she’d fallen into – but soon developed a passion for.

Proud as she donned her uniform for the first time in 1998, the young recruit had undergone extensive training with West Midlands Police and felt ready for the largely unknown, but exciting, chapter ahead.

“I had found my career, my identity and my passion,” she recalls.

As the job progressed, she found herself on the frontline, dealing with violent attacks, sexual assaults and tragic deaths on a regular basis. She spent nine years in the Criminal Investigation Department and Major Crime units and the workload took its toll, leaving her struggling with her own mental health.

Today, 46-year-old Hannah’s relationship with the Police is a vastly different one.

Through her Blue Light Wellbeing organisation based in Warwickshire, she is helping officers and emergency services workers to navigate their own journey of recovery as a result of physical and mental burnout, overwhelm and anxiety.

“Throughout our initial training and probation period to become a police officer, we learnt many new skills that we would need to carry out our roles. We learnt protective skills, listening skills, rules, regulations and discipline; however, no one talked about the importance of taking care of our own mental health and well-being throughout this very unique and demanding role. It in no way prepared us for the life-changing world we were about to enter,” says Hannah.

Hannah Bailey

“You are also exposed to human traumas and scenes that become increasingly difficult to shrug off when you get home at the end of your shift. I simply didn’t realise the personal price I was paying for my career.

“By 2011, I was 34 and the feelings of pride and excitement had changed to those of being overwhelmed and burnt out. I was struggling with the demands of the job whilst supporting my young family and husband.”

Hannah is also determined to use her voice to help change the narrative around mental health in the emergency services but admits that there’s still some way to go.

“Mental health and wellbeing wasn’t talked about at all when I started in the force. I was just told I needed to be able to cope or I was in the wrong job!”

“It was quite a tough approach. Don’t get me wrong as there is a need for that approach, too. You do need to have a certain amount of mental strength and resilience to be able to deal with the sort of stuff you encounter day in and day out. You can’t go and deliver a death message and burst into tears or be sick at the scene of a fatal road accident.

“So yes, tough talk is needed, but we also have to recognise that there needs to be a space to offload it as well, particularly after certain jobs. There will just be jobs that catch you when you weren’t expecting it so there needs to be a space to talk about that and be able to process it.

Suicides and sudden deaths are extremely difficult. The worst cases to deal with though are any incidents involving children. I had been to a job where a little boy died in a house fire which was devastating to deal with, and is one of those that will always stay with me.

“There are also some cases which are distressing on a more personal level. One example is when I was dealing with a rape victim for around eight months and her case wasn’t successful at court. But when you’ve worked on the case throughout and you know everything that goes into it, you do end up feeling involved sometimes, even though we’re told not to. I ended up taking some personal responsibility. It was devastating that we couldn’t get the results for her. It felt like a huge miscarriage of justice.”

Hannah’s mental health struggles were becoming harder and harder to suppress but it was in 2011 that the news was to come triggering a health battle of a different kind ... a breast cancer diagnosis.

“It was a horrific time but I do also remember feeling relieved. Throughout my surgery and chemotherapy treatment, through losing my hair and dealing with many difficult emotions, there was that constant recurring thought that “at least I don’t have to go in to work”. I knew I would be off long-term sick and I remember thinking everyone else would have to take on my cases and I won’t have to face it … I felt guilty, but relieved at the same time,” she says.

She managed to see off the cancer, only for an even more aggressive form to later return, but Hannah refused to accept the medical prognosis that this time it was untreatable. She researched an emerging new treatment in Germany that ultimately saved her life.

It proved to be Hannah’s final rude awakening and second chance at life. She retrained as a psychotherapist and well-being coach with an emphasis on better education and awareness around mental health in the emergency services and military.

Today her role takes her back to the police as she works closely with teams and individuals around the country offering workshops, therapy and retreats as well as public speaking engagements.

She says: “It is so important for us to recognise that we do see human traumas that most people are never exposed to, or are only exposed to maybe once in their lifetime.

It’s the drip, drip effect of being exposed to trauma that eats away at you over the years. At the time I didn’t really think about it. You just keep going back to work and carrying on with your job.

Despite her own difficulties from her 15 years in the job, Hannah will never be found discouraging anyone from a career in uniform.

“If it’s something that is your passion, it can still be a fantastic job. But what I would say is it’s important to learn about your own mental, emotional and physical health at the earliest possible stage and to look after yourself as much as possible,” she says.

“Things are improving because otherwise people like me wouldn’t be asked to deliver mental health workshops for the Police. That was never an opportunity for me back then. The awareness around it is improving. The stigma is getting a little better but I still think there is a lot more education needed around mental health in the emergency services.

“The Police do provide counselling now and occupational health and well-being champions but because there is still some stigma, there are still people who don’t want to talk within the Police, which is understandable. But there’s an awful lot of help and support outside police forces from people who do understand what they’ve been through, and they can reach out to them if needed.”

Hannah is hosting her first Blue Light Retreat from Tuesday 26 September to Thursday 28 September at Wootton Park in Wootton Wawen in collaboration with Andy Labrum of Blue Light Leavers, an organisation that helps emergency service workers transition from their roles into normal day-to-day jobs.

For more information on both organisations, please visit Blue Light Wellbeing and Blue Light Leavers.