Setting the Stage for a Lifetime of Friendship and Belonging By Chitra Paul On May 29th, 2020 Keystone Institute India hosted an SRV study group entitled ‘Tis People that Matter, in which the challenges and possibilities of helping people with developmental disabilities establish freely-given, inclusive relationships with typical people were explored. Two articles formed the basis for our rich conversation, and the following thoughtful and instructive reflection and response was written by parent activist and change agent Chitra Paul.
The paper by Jane Sherwin (Sherwin, 2011) begins with Aristotle’s quote – “The desire for friendship comes quickly. Friendship does not.” This is something I have seen happening so frequently in the lives of many children with autism that I know and interact with, including my own son. The societal lack of awareness, specific social skill competencies and a society that pushes for exclusion based on stereotype and fear of difference all play important roles in people with disabilities often lacking the richness of freely-given relationships and friendships in their lives. Raymond Lemay’s paper titled “Social Role Valorization Insights into the Social Integration Conundrum” (Lemay, 2006) puts out a few “Roles of Thumb” for achieving Social Integration. Jane Sherwin’s paper “The Desire for Friendship Comes Quickly, Friendship Does Not: An Exploration of Valued Roles and Relationships” also talks about the implications. I am sharing below some experiences from my son’s life that connect so well to the many points mentioned in the two papers.
Tarun’s Educational Experience Small is Beautiful – This is something that was one of the reasons why the educational inclusion process worked out so well for my son. However, I never realised it till I read the paper. And the inclusion process has been a critical part of him being able to develop relationships and a few friendships, too. Initially, when my son started school, the school itself was just starting out and had very few children, six children in the playgroup with a teacher and support staff. This small size facilitated developing strong relationships with not just the adults but also between the children. As my son is non-speaking and did not have a communication system in place at the time, there were limitations. However, the teacher and the school made sure that his disability did not become the central focus. Instead they focused on helping him build relationships with his peers in whatever manner and extent possible. Some of the strategies they used regularly were to invite and welcome different classmates to help and support him, play with him, and spend time with him in all sorts of activities. The classmates included the teacher’s own daughter, who served as an excellent role model to all.
Valued Lives SRV 4.0: An Invitational Course on Social Role Valorization 171
