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jan/feb { TABLE OF CONTENTS }

COVER STORY 18 MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER & MORE DR. PERDITA MEEKS

12

69#DFUNLIFE 198

182

VENDOR/SPONSOR LIST

A Balanced Life A Beautiful Mess Advocare AETNA Agnes & Dora ALZHEIMERS ASSOCIATION Amway Andrea’s Foot Care and Nails Arbonne Author Joan Young Avon Bath Bombs, Etc BE BALANCED Beachcomber Designs Bellisimo Boutique Breast La Vie Carroll’s Hilltop CATWALK FOR KIDNEYS CBD Best Oil CBD Biocare Chalk Couture Chef ’s Catering Clean Air USA Cleancheats Fitness Foods Colorsteet Cruise Planners Designs by Darlene Diane Dabek DK DANCE DMK Naturals Doc Popcorn ECL Enterprises Esthetics by Natalie Everdry Waterproofing EWBC FIDELIS CARE First Fitness Fit Body Boot Camp Gina Maries Naturals

270

Glitz & Glamour Grit Fit Life GROW2BU Handmade Crafts Hempworx HONEY BROOK HYPNOTIZED BY HOWIE inteletravel.com Intrique Irondequoit Chiropractic Center it Works Jewelry Jewelry KAIA EARTH KB White Farm Kindness Rocks Kumiwas Essentials Lady Sparrows Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Lillie Johnson, LMT Linda Harrel Massage Therapist Lipsense LuLaRoe Marios Hair Salon MARY KAY Matilda Jane MEALS BY DELEO Medicinal Massage Mama Medterra monster energy Natural Soaps & Loofahs New U Life Norwex NY LIFE Oak Orchard Health Oasis Care Services ONE BEAUTY.BODY.LIFE. Pampered Chef Papparrazzi Paw Tree

Pink Zebra Piphany Fashions Pixie Lane Kids Clothing POSH PREMIUM MORTGAGE Pure Romance Q Sciences RASJACOBSON ART REMINISCE SODA FOUNTAI Renew Mental Health Counseling RGH VOLUNTEER PROGRA Rising Aura RMAPI ROCHESTER KETTLECORN RO C H E S T E R PE R S O N A DEFENSE ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLIN ROCkabilly Hop Rodan & Fields Scentsy Seacret Shanti Jewelry Studio Skincre & wellness Tastefully Simple Team Beach Body Thirty One Gifts THRIVE TITUS MEDICAL SPA touchstone crystals Traveling Wine Tupperware UNITED HEALTHCARE Usborne Books Vasayo Vicki’s Block Printing Clothing Visionary Minds Worthington Artisans YOUNG LIVING OILS


{ TABLE OF CONTENTS }

REGULARS 52

WORTH MORE NATION

58

CENTERSTAGE

62

IN HER OWN WORDS Robin Dewind

84

LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT Q Salon

92

FOR A GOOD CAUSE Upstate Special Needs Planning CDS Life Transitions

104

IN HER OWN WORDS Denise Davis Cruz

108

FINANCIALLY SPEAKING

116

VISIONARY MINDS

IN g AM

N AL

NE

212

134

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Linda Wilson Joelle

16

142

REEL TALK

146

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS Hair We Love Salon

162

THE INTELLIGENT TRAVELER

166

MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN

178

STRATAGEM

188

PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY

192

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS Doc Popcorn

200

ASK SHARON

240

LAW & HIPHOP

248

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT CBD

258

A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE

262 268

IN HER WORDS HARNESS YOUR OWN ABILITIES

258

166


jan/feb

{ TABLE OF CONTENTS }

290 284

REGULARS

HEALTH & WELLNESS

274 376 284 286 294 300

278 280 296

YOU MATTER

IT’S A SUITE LIFE

THE GUTSY WOMAN

MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE DIY WITH TRACY WOMEN LEADERSHIP

HEALTH & WELLNESS 112 162 206 210 214 218 222

BE BALANCED CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN MIND, BODY, SPIRIT

332

12

DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND THE COUNSELING MOVEMENT

FASHION & BEAUTY 122

RESPONSIBLE BEAUTY

174

STYLIN WITH ASHLEY

234

AUD MAKEUP TALK

SPECIAL FEATURES 28

HOLIDAY GIFT GIVING GUIDE

SOUND & THE CITY

70

TRISTAN’S STORY

ASK THE DOCTOR

FOOD

EMPOWERED LIVING

THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER

226 242 254

COACHING WITH GINNY

IN HER DEFENSE CRAZY FIT MAMA

78

PLATTER CHATTER Roam Cafe

184

MEALS BY DELEO

A BALANCED LIFE

218

228

32


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{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“This is a New Year, a new beginning. Things will change.”

C

an you believe we are in January of 2019 already? Starting a new year brings so many prospects of change, resiolutions, opportunities and more.

This year, Rochester Woman Online is starting of the new year with a new special section called Something 4The Sista’s. This amazing new monthly addition to Rochester’s Premier Women’s publication is sure to bring in a new audience and is filled with amazing content from submissions all across the country on beauty, fashion, ethics, marriage, inspiring women and so much more! You don’t want to miss even one page. Enjoy this amazing section starting on page [69]. Our beautiful and inspiring cover woman this month, Dr Perdita Meeks, is not only a motivational speaker but a female entrepreneur, a pastor and an overall incredibly inspiring woman! Make sure to read all about her and chekc out the amazing photos captured by Christopher Carwell starting on page [16].

T T

ON OUR COVER

Motivational speaker, pastor, and entrepreneur Dr. Pedita Meeks was photographed on location at the Newborn Fellowship Church and Salon Marcel by the amazing Christopher “Goodknews” Cardwell.

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

Sunday, January 27th Rochester Woman Online will bring together over 140+ vendors/crafters/local businesses and hundreds of attendees to the JCC of Rochester from 10am-5pm for the annual Ultimate Health & Wellness Expo. Check out some of out amazing sponsors and vendors in the speical expo section highlighting so many of them starting on page [26]. Then join us and bring your entire family and all your friends to enjoy the day day with us. It’s free to attend, and there are amazing speakers and performers on the Centerstage Theatre starting at 11am. Hope to asee everyone there.

Kelly


{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Kelly Breuer Christopher “Goodknews” Cardwell Marisa Nicodemus Sarah Salvilla - Artistic Photography Sandy Arena Joe Marino Michele Ashlee Stratagem Chris Conlon Jeff Gerew Cheryl Kates-Benman Robin DeWind Hannah Smith Phyllis Haberer Tunya Griffin Olga Monacell Dave Jenkins Alana Cahoon Audrey Avirett Ginny Hronek Bonnie Floyd Sandy Arena Laura Cubas Glenna Colaprete-Hudson Ralph Merato Lisa Wagner Judi Swanson Tammy Reese Judi Swanson Ayanna Jackson Roberta Goheen Nicole Lambert Anna Arena Leslie Youngblood Noah Jobin Michael Quarteart Chrissy Adams Darin Fass

Chris Conlon Lori Nolan Becky Picone Alyssa Trahan Christi Miller Katie Flaherty Marta Corts Emily Mazza Christi Miller SOMETHING 4 THE SISTAS Regina Smith Gary Ariel Washington Shikeya Townsend Jessica Bain 585 PLUG Yolanda Smilez Dr Kiki Michelle Mr Carlyle Williams Sheila Young Jamequa Abernathy Tunya Griffin Latiffany Anderson Renee Cobbs Hill Akilah Moore

Kelly Breuer

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR

The Next Design

WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

The Next Design

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.


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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019


{ COVER STORY }

DR. PERDITA MEEKS BY CHERYL KATES, ESQ. I PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER “GOODKNEWS” CARDWELL

Rochester Woman Online recently was presented with the pleasure of meeting Dr. Perdita Meeks when we modeled for our client Emma for Intrigue Jewelry in Dr. Meeks’ annual fashion show. All we can say to sum it up is Dr. Perdita Meeks is a phenomenal woman and we felt compelled to share her story with our readers. We are also pleased to announce she will be joining us as a columnist on a quarterly basis. She is a motivational speaker, pastor and entrepreneur. Also, a wife, mom and grandmother. Perdita earned her doctorate in 2008, from St. Thomas Christian University College. Being a published writer of several books, allows her to share her vision with the world. Working alongside her husband, Warren Meeks as the Associate Pastor at New Born Fellowship Church, where she serves as the Executive Director of Ministry Affairs is a rewarding experience for her. Founding Covenant Women’s Ministries furthers her quest in life empowering women. Conducting her program in the community called Nehemiah Restoration gives her additional opportunities to help people providing information, knowledge, and economic development . Her passion lies with helping women but also focusing on single mothers and survivors of domestic violence. Perdita is also familiar with and works in the beauty industry (since 1983) . She owns her own business Marcel’s Salon (1 Bastian Street) and Marcel’s

Bundles which is an online store (www. marcelsbundles.com). Wait, there’s more; she is a model, who professionally modeled for Jet Magazine, and won first place in two International Beauty Shows held in NYC (as a hair designer) and Atlanta. She even appeared on the Oprah Winfrey

Empowerment”. Her new book is called “The Power of Thanks”. In 2019, she will release “The Boss Women”. Perdita became a hair designer at the age of 18. This was definitely in her blood, as she is a 4th generation stylist. She owned a boutique in downtown Rochester, “Perdita’s” where she showcased and sold fashion items. As a young woman, she accomplished so much. Perdita shares: “I thought I was on top of the world” having accomplished some major highlights in my life. I realized as a young woman that, being an entrepreneur took hard work and consistency. Knowing that has allowed me to be a successful woman in business. I closed this business and regrouped a new plan. Giving up was never part of the equation for my family, nor for me.

show (2005). She’s competed in Pageants including taking 2nd runner up in the Mrs. NY America Pageant and took first place in others. Her several books are life-changing. They include: “A Woman’s Tool for Self-Empowerment”; “Organize Your Life for Success”; and “365 Days of

Becoming a pastor was never a part of the plan. In our former church we became ordained ministers and after serving for many years, my husband heard from God to step out and pastor. We are believers in the Gospel and believe if you read God’s word and apply it to your life you will have the desires of your heart. We took the biggest step of faith in our lives and from it we started New Born Fellowship Church (1992). The best advice Perdita wants everyone to know is what her foundation is based on. She tells RWO: “God blessed our lives to help and bless those around us. It’s been challenging yet rewarding. Seeing the lives

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

17


“God blessed our lives to help and bless those around us. It’s been challenging yet rewarding. Seeing the lives of so many people blessed is the reward. My spiritual life is vital. Meditation and preparation are key factors in balancing my life.”


{ COVER STORY }

20

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019


{{ COVER COVER STORY STORY }} “I thought I was on top of the world” having accomplished some major highlights in my life. I realized as a young woman that, being an entrepreneur took hard work and consistency.”

of so many people blessed is the reward. My spiritual life is vital. Meditation and preparation are key factors in balancing my life. Planning my year, helps me set goals and develop my shortterm plans going forward. It keeps me focused on the vision, evaluating the past year. This helps me pinpoint my shortcomings. Therefore, I can make corrections.

• Activate your vision and use your faith; • Find someone you trust to be a mentor.

My most memorable moment was buying our first home. Being young with two children, we talked to our children daily, so they were also in agreement with our vision. They also began to talk about the house daily. They became our encouragers. That same year we moved into our home! My focus is on sharing “golden nuggets” on how to excel in life. My main focus is to empower women and to help guide them to use their faith to achieve their dreams and goals. This allows women to learn how to balance your home, husband, family, children and how to do business. THERE ARE FIVE MAIN STEPS: • Know who you are and what you are called to do in life; • Write the vision; • Encourage yourself;

Family is vital. It is important to have a close family bond. Set up family dinners and fellowships regularly. We spend all holidays together (including extended family as well). Life is full of obstacles

and challenges on a daily basis. One of the most difficult challenges is if someone in your family gets ill. I went through that with my husband. I used my faith to believe and I reminded myself that this was not the end. I assured myself prayer works, God is faithful, and all will be well. He lost his voice, so I kept believing he would regain his voice and he would preach again. In one year, he returned to the pulpit and he was back!” Perdita indicates her mother Celestine Harley and her husband Warren Meeks Sr. are the most significant people in her life. Her mother’s impact was priceless, and her guidance caused Perdita to become the woman she is today. She was the first to introduce her to God. The family attended church regularly, and this began the commitment and core beliefs the Meeks share with others today. Her mom instilled the values used today in her life, such as setting goals and daily planning. Warren Meeks, her husband has been a stable force in Perdita’s life and success. “He’s my soul mate. We make life happen together”, she shares. Dr. Meeks is working on expanding her businesses to a global/international level. Spreading knowledge through promoting her novels is also a high priority. She will

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

21


continue as she does, empowering every woman she can. Her latest endeavor includes opening “Perdita’s House” a transitional program for women. Perdita and Warren have been married 38 years. This is important to her life and well-being. She inspires others and wants people to know to build a similar foundation, it was done with their commitment to God first. They incorporated goal planning and future tasks working on them together. They made a commitment to stay in their marriage no matter what challenges 22

they faced. They set expectations and boundaries. They committed to spending time together. A key rule is keeping family and others at a distance when it comes to your relationship. They also make sure to take some vacations where it is just the two of them. As stated, Dr. Perdita Meeks is a phenomenal woman. A woman who inspires others and we at RWO celebrate her. Her column, starting in March 2019 and appearing quarterly will include a variety of

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

topics. She will start sharing her wisdom and knowledge with our readers on spirituality, meditation, wholeness, healthy eating, maintaining a positive self-image, business smarts, relationships, family and faith. Tune in March 2019!


{ COVER STORY } “My focus is on sharing “golden nuggets” on how to excel in life. My main focus is to empower women and to help guide them to use their faith to achieve their dreams and goals.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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MR. CARLYLE SHEILA YOUNG LATIFFANY ANDERSON AKILAH MOORE REGINA SMITH GARY ARIEL WASHINGTON YOLANDA SMILEZ JESSICA BAIN SHIKEYA TOWNSEND JAMEQUA ABERNATHY TUNYA GRIFFIN

THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES WITH RENEE COBBS-HILL


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YOLANDA SMILEZ BY YOLANDA SMILEZ

WHERE THE LAUGHS AT? Rochester Woman Online is ecstatic to announce Yolanda Smilez is joining the team for our special section “ Sumthin 4 DA Sistas”. You might know Yolanda from hosting events in Rochester, or you saw her on the stage tickling your funny bone, or even at the ROC Awards or Ms. Kurvie North. Life is too crazy not to have a sense of humor.

the next five years; her hopes are set on her debut on HBO, Netflix, and/or Def Jam doing a comedy special. Yolanda faced many challenges breaking through as a comic as it is a male-dominated field. Finding her voice, inspired her and allowed her to gain confidence in her craft. Confidence is the key. Yolanda is also a new author. This experience is definitely something different

Yolanda shares that “Humor plays a big factor in my day-to-day life. Comedy comes from life and what other great place to get inspiration from than the things around you? It definitely helps me to not be serious all the time and provides a balance in my life”. Yolanda gained her inspiration to get started from a fellow comedian, Rob Campbell. Rob as a personal friend, provided support and empowerment by pushing Yolanda out of her comfort zone to get up on the stage. He encouraged her to do an “Open Mic” sponsored by Grace Flores. It was the hottest night in the Roc on a Wednesday! Rob told Yolanda she was “naturally funny” and should give stand up comedy a try. From the first moment she grabbed the mic she fell in love with making people laugh. The rest is history!!! Yolanda shares for people interested in being a comic saying, “Know why you are doing comedy. This will help you find the best material for your set. It’s easy to make fun of yourself and things you are familiar with.”. Yolanda strives to achieve greatness in 70

Anderson. She is proud of her work here giving plus-sized women an outlet to show the world they are beautiful. This platform was created to encourage women they have the power to do all things. This is an annual pageant held in the Rochester area. The women are planning to expand the pageant nationally in the near future. Additionally, Yolanda is the CEO of the Roc Awards. This is an annual local awards show. Rochester people are recognized for their accomplishments. It is held in February, so it is coming up soon. I wonder who will win this year? Some of the categories recognized are best model, dj, hip hop artist etc. She says, “I create platforms to acknowledge and encourage our communities to always do better. I, despite ups-and-downs keep pushing and I never lose sight of why I started this movement. I will continue with my projects and comedy and I will spread as many smilez as I can”.

for her and she refers to it as “a learning experience”. Her book, “Big Mama is the new Trap Queen”, is an urban fiction novel, focusing on the life of a dysfunctional family who sells drugs but goes to church. It is an interesting story told in the view of Charmaine, a 12-year-old. The story line follows whether it is “in her blood” to hustle and what someone else’s dysfunction was her normal. Smilez also is the co-founder of the Ms. Kurvie Pageant along with Latiffany

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Yolanda is the proud mother of three children. Her children are her inspiration in life. The foundation of her work ethic is focused here. Yolanda works hard to create as many opportunities as she can for her family. She looks forward to leaving a legacy. Yolanda is pleased to be writing her new column “I Love Smilez” with RWO. She will explore the concept of laughter vs. pain in her first article. Readers can expect her column to bring laughter, joy, uplifting encouragement and guidance for everyday life!


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I LOVE SMILEZ! BY YOLANDA SMILEZ

Welcome to the initial, “I Love Smilez” column, by your local comedian, that’s me, Yolanda Smilez! My goal with writing this column is to make you smile by the end of every read. I hope that here, you will find you can smile, even when things in your life are not going right. Keep this in mind, “No matter what you been or going through, you will smile again”. It’s a known fact, smiling gives power and energy to the human soul. We must try to always remember this.

My life began to spin in circles, as if I was on a merry-go-round that was at high speed. The first words that came out my mouth were,” Is everyone ok”? To hear, “Yes, we are all fine, but we lost everything” let me breathe, knowing my family was safe. Arriving to the place, I once called home to water damage, smoke, and busted windows, it

Start with protecting your energy! Stop feeding into the old negative energy. When you allow yourself to feed into the negative energy, it will prevent you from up lifting or pushing your life forward. Don’t hold on to disagreements, fights, or disappointments you experienced. Holding on to these things, takes away the energy from your vision, and goals. Let it go! Tell yourself, “I’m taking back my smile, I will wear it every day. I will not allow others to come take my smile away. My smile is no longer in bondage! It’s free! I’m a survivor! My smile is powerful! In January 2015, my family and I will never forget, we lost everything a house fire. My middle son ran in the room to warn his step father there was smoke coming from the kitchen door. This door led to our attic and within seconds of my son warning him, his step dad discovered a blazing fire. The fire began to take over the entire kitchen. He grabbed our youngest son and took both kids outside. That night we lost everything. Receiving the phone call my house caught on fire, right after just making a crowd of people laugh their butts off, because I’m a stand-up comedian was devastating.

I’m standing there, waiting for the realtor to say, “April Fools”, it sold to someone else. Now, I went from shedding tears over the 3 bedroom, upper apartment with small kitchen , tiny bathroom and small bedrooms that burned to the ground, to now shedding tears over a whole house , 3 bedroom with walk-in closet, two bathrooms, attached one car garage , beautiful neighborhood, kitchen so big to host all the holiday parties. Months ago, when I thought I could not smile again. I was able to smile again, we found a fresh start. If we stay on the things we lost, we can never enjoy the new. I had to redirect my energy to focus on living for now and not yesterday. Not giving the fire no more tears or energy but pouring the energy into decorating my new home and creating new memories for my children. “No matter what you been or going through, you will smile again” Smilez Joke of The Month:

was heartbreaking. It destroyed me because everything we had worked for was gone. My kids’ trophies, awards, wedding pictures, our clothes all just gone. I could not see the bright side of this tragedy. As a mom, I felt like a failure. We had nowhere to go, until a friend of mine opened the doors to her home. We stayed there almost 3 months in a one bedroom. Trying to find a home for our family was so hard. On April 1st, I found the home my family could grow up in. I thought it was funny to find a house on April Fool’s day.

My son, Wesley, is 6-years-old and speaks very proper. He gets confused a lot with questions. If someone asked him, “What’s your name?” He responded, “I am Wesley”, If someone asked him, “How old are you, Wesley? He responded, “I am Wesley”. Then the person said to Wesley, “No, no baby, how old are you?” And he still responded, “I am Wesley”. At this point, I usually walk away because the person is looking at me like, “Girllllllll !!! What’s wrong with this baby?”…

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RENEE COBBS-HILL SHE SAID I DO Rochester Woman Online is proud to announce Renee Cobbs-Hill as a new writer for the “Sumthin For The Sistas” special section launching in January. Her new column is called “Marriage Chronicles”. Making it through almost 18 years of marriage, is a huge accomplishment today and we can’t wait to learn how in the world she did that!!! I’m hoping she shares some of her other talents too. You may recognize Renee from our runway. She recently competed in the Ms. Kurvie Pageant. I’m sure the fact she can cook, helped her maintain her home! Recently in the Roc’s “Bake Off” her entries “Hennessey” infused cake and cupcakes, among others were exceptionally interesting and took home winning the competition for three categories. Mother, esthetician, singer, actress, these are all words which describe Renee Cobbs-Hill, a phenomenally talented woman. In January, she will add monthly columnist and we just can’t wait! Renee grew up always interested in make-up. Upon entering beauty school at Continental, she learned her interests were deeper than just being a make-up artist. She was fascinated with learning about all of the aspects of skin care. She is currently training at Titus Medical Spa to work in this industry. She has an Associates degree in Medical Assisting and a BS in Sociology. She currently works as a workforce navigator. She was the daughter of parents who were entrepreneurs, and this instilled in her a thirst for success in her life. Her interests in singing and baking came 76

along early in life. She started singing at age 3. She sang in school choirs and competed in solo festivals. She trained with a music professor at Eastman School of Music, studying classical music. She also majored in music in high school. She believes in education as the key to success. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Cooking began early for Renee

and she recalls playing in flour and sugar, as a youth. She loved reading cooking books and trying new things. Her favorite baking creation is red velvet cake! As a woman who refuses to give up, Renee struggled to learn how to live life as a married woman who married early in

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life. She also attended college throughout her twenties to better herself and the life she could share with her family. She was tired of being in jobs going nowhere. She experienced having a terrible supervisor and that was it for her. She went back to school. It took her 5 years to earn her bachelor’s degree, but she did it. She shares, “I wasn’t supposed to have a bachelor’s degree. At least the text books said I wasn’t. I was supposed to stay on welfare and section 8. I read my life in a text book every day. Through it all, I found my strength and talents. Talents I always had, but my low socio-economic status made those talents dormant”. Renee comes from a family where marriage is celebrated, and her parents are married nearly 50 years. Her siblings also enjoyed longevity in their relationships, so this factor was instilled in the home. Her close to 18-year marriage endured all of the common things which traditionally destroy relationships, including infidelities, a Baby Momma with three children who she serves as the step mother, arguments, and tears. Renee chose to bring some of her experiences to our readers to show that sometimes love can conquer all and sometimes it does not. Many people don’t know Renee is married. The couple does not wear rings anymore. They are married based on their marriage license. She will share the ups-and downs. She will share her struggles with you in her new column.


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HOW IT ALL STARTED BY RENEE COBBS-HILL

It’s interesting how it all happened. Let’s flashback to 2000 “the millennium”, when everyone was going crafty over Y2K and everything was just a mash up of pop cultures. Back then, I thought I was grown. I was out of high school and experienced living on my own for a little while. I drove a little hooptie and worked at the Sodus Recreation Center. I thought I was doing the damn thang! Ms. Independent, you know.

running to the bird (City of Rochester) to chill. In the city, the love was different. The black boys dressed a little different, talked a little different, and appreciated black girls. I could remember in my junior and senior year, my friends and I going to the city to chill. Most of us had older sisters so we would either

At least I thought I was. If you’re not from the area, Sodus is a small rural area out 104. It is a town known for migrant farm workers who pick apples. So, basically, I was drowning up in rural Sodus/ Williamson and dating and relationships was dry for black girls. Interracial dating was super prevalent in my town. Let me outline the way it was: white girl, black boy. There literally was a shortage of black boys to kick it with. I’m not sure of what caused the trend of the black boy/ white girl relationships, but it hit like a plague. I remember when every black boy in school was going out (that’s what we called dating in school) with a white girl. It was if It was like a goal or accomplishment for a black boy to date a white girl. Even my brother started dating his wife of 20 years, when he was fifteen-yearsold, who is white. So great now the guys were becoming an endangered species for us. The uneven ratio left black girls

use one of their cars, or some of us had cars. I can remember my sister letting us use her car. I would drop her off at her baby daddy’s house on Magnolia and we would ride out. Pagers and pay phones were the things back then. We would page boys we met on the chatline and meet up at the playground or a parking lot to just chill. We always traveled in a pack though.

Speeding things up a little, to how he and I met. It was the fall of 2000, and my homegirls and I were riding around on the Eastside. We stopped at the A-1 corner store on Clifford and Clinton. I was walking into the store with my girls and he was walking out with his crew. Now, usually I don’t approach guys, but that night I was like “what sup?” He was fly...rocking a leather coat, Tims, little brush cut, and just seemed like a nice guy. He wasn’t talking reckless, so I gave him the number. However, he got my fake name “Alexis” lol. He was calling my house and I had no idea because my dad was telling him “No Alexis lives here”. I was chilling with my girls again and met him at the same store about 2 weeks later. He saw me and said something like, “Why you gave me the wrong number?” We laughed, and I came clean about giving him the wrong name/right number. So, we talked for a while at the store and I wanted to chill with him longer. However, he had an unorthodox profession and didn’t want to bring me over to the “spot”. He said normally he would bring chicks to the spot, but he said I was different. I didn’t see him for a while after that. We spent every late night on the phone. Finally, he invited me over to his place, he lived with his brother and mom. I brought my girls with me, because I was at this point,

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{ THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES } “It felt so surreal walking out of City Hall being married, I was someone’s wife. So, my marriage was secret for 3 months...”

To make a long story short, we started a relationship. We dated for 2 months and I found out I was pregnant. Once day, we were walking downtown, and we had talked about marriage before and it came up again, while we were walking. We walked past City Hall and he was like “That’s where you can get married”. I was like, “You want to do it?” He was like “Do you want to do it?” 80

So, we decided, “Let’s just do it”. We walked in and applied for our marriage license and set a day to come back. He never really asked me to marry him. It was just a mutual thing. I’m not even sure, if we were really deeply in love with each other, or if it was infatuation. I remember calling off from work and meeting him at City Hall for our wedding. We dressed up in business, casual type

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clothing. He came with his younger brother. I came with one of my best friends and we said, “I do”. It felt so surreal walking out of City Hall being married, I was someone’s wife. So, my marriage was secret for 3 months....Tune in for the next chapter next month in “ The Marriage Chronicles”.


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DR. KIKI MICHELLE SINGLETARY-WILLIAMS LEAVING ON THAT MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA As Rochester Woman Online announces our new section, “ Something 4 The Sistas” we are proud to announce that we have added writers who are around the country and not just from our area. Dr. Kiki Michelle, a Rochester native, is straight out of Atlanta, Georgia. Her husband Mr. Carlyle is also joining the team. We are too excited to share a little bit of their world with you. Dr. Kiki Michelle is an early childhood education trainer and operates a childcare operation at Kiki Michelle LLC. She provides business services and is also a notary. Additionally, she’s an American Red Cross certified instructor. She provides counseling services. She’s involved with Quantum Talks 8.0 and runs a not-forprofit CARKI GLOBAL which benefits homeless children. She is a singer/writer/recording artist, a model and a motivational speaker. When I say she does a little bit of everything, I am not lying. We are more than pleased that she is coming on board to join the RWO family! Dr Kiki Michelle states“Education is the cornerstone of being able to accomplish anything in life. Success as an entrepreneur is attainable once a person takes the time to study their target market and develops a plan to reach attainable goals. Children are our most prized possessions and if one child is hungry, homeless or otherwise abused that’s one child too many. I wish to change the world one heart and one child at a time”. 82

Dr. Kiki Michelle tells us she started out singing at an early age, just merely 5-yearsold in the Sunshine Band. She then joined chorus in high school. All the while, she enjoyed also writing poems. One day the poems started becoming songs, coming to her with tunes, tones, melodies, instruments and accompaniments. Despite all of the endeavors Dr. Kiki Michelle

Aretha Franklin’s “Natural Woman”, as well as model as an Ashley Stewart, plussized model. Best advice for newcomers, be yourself and follow directions! Balance is also important, especially when two members of the family are in the entertainment business. This is very challenging. You must include “me time’. Setting healthy boundaries and keeping first-things-first, allowed me to embrace balance in every aspect of my being.”. Life was challenging at times,when trying to complete her education and learning how to deal with life. Dr. Kiki Michelle shares with us the knowledge to overcoming obstacles is to have a consistent prayer life and never sit there helpless. You must always find a way to keep going and find alternative ways to beat the odds. The most significant person in Dr. Kiki Michelle’s life is Jesus Christ.

has in her life, she is also a model who loves the fashion industry. She shares, “An affinity to fashion was always in me. I yearned to create my own looks, even in high school. In my school’s group picture, I had a giant-sized red bow in my hair. More recently, my modeling career started in 2014, with being invited to model in and sing at the Durnham, NC Fashion week show. I was excited to sing

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She tells us, “While it may sound like a cliché, it’s true, without God I am nothing. In the next five years, I hope to be staples in the international market. Charity is also a very important part of my life. This goes back, as long as I can remember. I always volunteered at nursing homes to sing and sit with residents who were otherwise forgotten by their families. As I matured into my calling, I have donated cars, furniture, food , clothing and basic necessities to others as a philanthropist would”, Dr. Kiki Michelle, indicates her upcoming column is sure to bring awareness to certain issues in a multi-level dimensional perspective. So, stay tuned!


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DR. KIKI SINGLETARY-WILLIAMS SPEAKS BY DR. KIKI MICHELLE SINGLETARY-WILLIAMS

An Excerpt From Dr. Singletary-Williams’ Dissertation on Counselor Burnout & Compassion Fatigue The hope to prevent counselor burnout and compassion fatigue is found in the counselors’ ability to pay attention to their own symptoms, and research suggests proper self-care by the counselor is mandatory. Proper self-care could prevent the stress, fatigue, low tolerance, etc., which might accompany counselor burnout and compassion fatigue. While there is no one-size-fits-all for the best way counselors could care for themselves, the governing council of the American Counseling Association established a Task Force in Impaired Counselors, which have pointed to positive results when counselors are proactive (Lawson & Venart, 2003). A key to becoming proactive has helped counselors of varying backgrounds. Whether the client is new to the field or a veteran, exercising balance could help to prevent the symptoms, which commonly exist when burnout and compassion fatigue are present. Balance could be achieved by exercising, practicing meditation, going on vacation, and dedicating time to family (Lawson & Venart, 2003). Burnout and compassion fatigue do not tend to occur in 26

counselors who have a wellness approach to their personal lives, and self-care for counselors has to be a priority. The benefits of self-care, which the counselor could expect to enjoy, are clarity of thought, more attention to the needs of the client,

and better satisfaction with contributions to the counseling field. It would appear that the key to keeping burnout at bay is to have a positive attitude no matter where pastoral counselors believe their contribution to the field of counseling

measures compared to other counselors in the field (Holifield, et al., 2010). Counselors should never make extraordinary sacrifices of themselves to assist others (Skovholt, et al., 2011), and self-preservation is a concept in making sure one’s needs are met before attending to the needs of others. By definition, self-preservation is “preservation of oneself from destruction or harm; or a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one’s own existence” (MerriamWebster, 2017). Self-care involves an adjustment in the attitude of the counselor. The focus must involve an introspective approach toward promoting a “survival of the fittest” mentality. If counselors previously have put others first always, they could find it difficult to begin to meet their own needs. Studies conducted by licensed professional counselor, Rebecca Baum, with various professions have revealed several strategies to promote well-being and decrease the potentially harmful effects that might accompany a stressful career. The strategies include listening, giving permission to experience the emotions, and also setting clear boundaries. Baum also suggests that counselors look for the signs of not practicing self-care, such as chronic lateness or absence to work, low motivation or an increase in errors, overwork, avoidance of responsibilities, conflict at work and in personal relationships, and a low self image.

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{ DR KIKI SPEAKS } “Self-care involves an adjustment in the attitude of the counselor. The focus must involve an introspective approach toward promoting a “survival of the fittest” mentality.”

Research suggests that one way for early career counselors to help reduce burnout is to seek the assistance of a mentor who could help through the brutal effects of dealing with clients on a day-to-day basis that often occur. Mentors have the knowledge and wisdom to coach others through new tasks and new professions; hence, effective mentorship could play a critical role in professional growth and development. Successful mentors take protégés under their wings for guidance, inspiration, and encouragement and in the process they create motivated, 86

productive, and successful teachers and researchers, thus leaving a legacy. Mentorship could assist the counselors who might need additional support to avoid some of the hazards associated with being a counselor. Holified, et al., (2010). using SelfMonitoring to Increase Attending to Task and Academic Accuracy in Children with Autism. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabliites, 25(4), 230-238.

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Lawson, G. and Venart, B. (2003). Preventing Counselor Impairment; Vulnerability, Wellness and Resilence. Self-Preservation. 2017. In MerriamWebster.com. Retrieved May 8, 2017, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/ dictionary/self-preservation. Skovott, T.M. and Trotter-mathison, M. (2011). The Resilient Practitioner “Burnout Prevention & Self-Care Strategies for Counselors, Therapists, Teachers, And Health Professionals.” 2nd Edition.


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MR. CARLYLE E. WILLIAMS LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION Rochester Woman Online is pleased to welcome Carlyle E. Williams as a contributing columnists to the new section, “ Sumthin 4 da Sistas”. He is coming to us straight from Atlanta , Georgia and like his wife Dr. Kiki Michelle Singletary-Williams is a jack of all trades. He is an awardwinning fashion designer of the Mr. Carlyle Collection which is featured in several fashion magazines. He’s an actor, a philanthropist a casting director and so much more. We are ecstatic he will be gracing the pages of RWO with his column “In Style with Mr. Carlyle”. We look forward to sharing with you the many aspects of the Williams’ lives and their world of fashion. Mr. Carlyle was raised in a closeknit family. He was 1 of 6 children. Each child was blessed with Godgiven talents. Their home was built by their grandfather. The family loved being close and supportive of each other. As a child, Mr.Carlyle watched and learned things from his grandparents. Entrepreneurship and empowerment was taught to him at a very young age. His grandmother quilted, sewed as a millinery and owned her own hair salon. Mr. Carlyle learned the art of sewing by watching his grandmother. She told him he had a “third eye” and was blessed with a talent. He also began drawing at an early age and making things by hand. Mixing and matching outfits was one of his favorite things. He began doing patchwork designing. He would take a solid or flannel shirt and remove the collars. He would then 88

make a banded collar. This was before they became popular. He never threw away clothing. He just reinvented them. Through this exposure, he grew his love for fashion and understanding the details of fashion design. By enrolling in DECA (Distributive Education Clubs of America) he began developing his quest for skills in management and salesmanship. He was always ahead of his time and continues

a building that also had a rock and country station, on the 6th floor also gave me an opportunity to meet and network with many artists when they came to town. Naturally they loved my collection because we had many different looks. My shop “All About Tuxedos” was also located right next to the Procter and Gamble headquarters. So many people flew in to do business there and experienced airlines losing their luggage leaving these business men with no suit to wear to their meetings. This started my idea of “renting a suit”. Customers could rent a coat, pants, dress shirt and tie with shoes within an hour. Same day service!” Mr. Carlyle shares being able to reinvent yourself is a blessing which will keep you energized. He gains his inspiration from God. He loves to help models build their brands. He also directs them and provides a platform where they can showcase their talent. Being a mentor is an important part of his life.

this through his fashions. Carlyle shares, “My family was in the music, hair and fashion industry for 70 plus years. Being around stars in the entertainment industry gave me an opportunity to learn from the best. Having a tuxedo business in the downtown Cincinnati area also opened doors to working with the film commission, playhouses and the orchestra. Having a store located on the ground floor in

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Mr. Carlyle indicates, “It is all about who you know. I have loved every minute of being in the entertainment industry. You get to meet great people and continue to network. Networking is key. This provides an outlet to keep sharing your work and leads you to further connections. I love to give back. We often work with our church. I am the co-founder of CARKI Global Inc. a foundation which always gives to homeless children”. So definitely, stay tuned. We can’t wait to wow you with the Mr. Carlyle Collection and more!


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IN STYLE WITH MR. CARLYLE BY MR CARLYLE WILLIAMS

PALLETTE DRESSING: W H AT ’ S Y O U R COLOR?

important for business or for making a power move. Use a conservative look for interviews and corporate meetings to help you climb the ladder to success.

A palette is an artist’s board for mixing colors. Do you have a color chart that you should go by? Should you have a specialist to color your wardrobe? How do you get more mileage out of your wardrobe? These are just some of the questions that are asked by customers.

If you’re just starting out and want to develop a look, purchase a solid dark suit (navy, black, charcoal grey) that will be more versatile for you. Then add different color shirts, tops and accessories to complete the look. A garment that is made well will last longer. Try a black suit for example, mix purple, tan, yellow, pink, and/or teal, and you can go on and on, mixing and matching tones together. Look back on the colorful fabrics of your heritage for your own color palette!

The most important thing to know if you’re an African American is that our culture secures our look and pride in wearing any color in the rainbow. Our different skin tones from golden to rich chocolate are reflections of beauty and of color. Casual wear is the best time to experiment with palette dressing. This way you can see what colors look good together. Spring and summer are fun times to brighten your looks for daywear. Bright colors are healthy for you and will make you look happy and charming. You’ll count the compliments. Dark shades of clothing area very

makes you look and feel powerful. It is a color that is neutral to all. Try mixing more dark tones together like charcoal grey with black ore black with blue. Stripes, pin dots, solids or prints can work together as well. Remember that all sales people aren’t trained specialists, so ask a fashion consultant or use your own creativity to develop your own look.

White, cream and neutral tones are completely natural to people of color. They make you look fresh and clean. Black

Women can always look like a boss with a power suit in Navy, Charcoal Grey or Black. Always over a white blouse, refrain from showing to much cleavage during your 9 to 5, business hours. But do remove that blouse for that sex appeal to knock’em out after hours. A pants or skirt business suit works every time.

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{ IN STYLE WITH MR CARLYLE } “A palette is an artist’s board for mixing colors. Do you have a color chart that you should go by? Should you have a specialist to color your wardrobe?”

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{ IROCWOMEN }

QUIANA D. JOSEPH BY CAMILLE MCINTYRE

ABOUT THE BUSINESS

Quintessence Services was founded due to an inherent and overwhelming cry for help, from parents and students alike, where addressing needs in reading, writing, and comprehension skills were involved. The mission of Quintessence Services is to bring exemplary level educational assistance to those who need it most, without breaking the bank. We specialize in ELA Reading Comprehension, perfecting your craft in writing

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structure, and editing of a wide variety of documents.

ABOUT THE FOUNDER

Quiana D. Joseph, MSEd, is the founder of Quintessence Services. She holds a Master of Science in Education and a Bachelor of Science in English. Ms. Joseph is not only a graduate of the Rochester City School District, she is currently a High School English Educator within that said district. She has taught at varying

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grade levels, from preschool to 12th grade, for more than a decade and has shown marked academic success with some of the community’s most underserved student population. Not only is Quiana D. Joseph an educator, she is also the mother of two elementary aged sons. She couples her skills as a single mother and educator to create relationships with parents and students which allows her to experience successful outcomes both academically and holistically.


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REGINA SMITH HERE COMES THE K AT ! K AT L A D Y P RO D U C T I O N S THAT IS Rochester Woman Online is proud to introduce Regina Smith straight from NYC and her new column which will be in the “ Sumthin 4 Da Sistas” new section of the publication. Regina’s column will be a monthly addition, so get ready for “Kat Lady Productions”. Kat Lady Productions is an upscale, creative modeling company that also participates in event planning. The focus being fashion, entertainment and furs. Regina is also a fur designer based in NYC and she finds her career amazing! Regina says, “There is nothing like seeing and showcasing your creative designs on a NYC run-way. I became a fur designer because it was a challenge.to take fur pieces and turn them into a masterpiece of art. I look at myself as an artist. For any designer who is trying to break into the fashion industry, stay tuned to your passion. You have to learn to refuse NO as an answer”. Kat Lady Productions was established August 8, 2007. This was a favorite pastime of Regina’s. She started sewing as a child with her mother. Regina found being an entrepreneur is a challenge in that you really find out who your true friends are when you launch a business. You learn who really believes in you. Regina found her experience challenging, as the fur industry is dominated by 96

Caucasian business owners, so she being an African-American woman, her business was already unique. It was frustrating when people did not realize her contributions as art and in general not understanding her. Many friends and family did not see her vision. She did not give up. She believed in herself and what she was capable of and she made her way into the fashion industry.

role in Regina’s life. Her son always brings out the best in her. Sean started Kat Lady Productions. He designed Regina’s logo. He is also an investor in the designs. He has even modelled in some of the shows and gives Regina 100% support. Teddy Peterson is also a great supporter in Regina’s life, Regina tells us: “He is my rock, my friend and I love him with all my heart”. In addition to being a phenomenal designer, Regina is an activist. She loves to advocate for people who cannot talk for themselves. She fights for women and children. She is the founder of ARKS (Acts of Refined Knowledge Services). This is a program in the Bronx supporting re-entry services for people who were incarcerated. Regina is also invoked with National Action Network in Harlem. She volunteers with CAIC an organization who’s focus is halting solitary confinement. She partakes in many charitable functions including an annual coat and toy drive.

Regina lost her MOM this year on August 6th, just two days before her birthday. She cites her mother as being one of her greatest sources of inspiration. She shares, “She taught me everything I know!” She was Regina’s soundboard. She inspired her with great ideas and showed her how to creatively mix and match differing fabrics. She always told Regina, “Don’t give up on your dream”, Regina’s son Sean Jr. also plays a big

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Regina shares with us her progress was a journey. She looks forward to continuing to bring the world her creative designs in the future both fur and other custommade garments. Her vision includes expanding her product-base on a national basis. Monthly readers can expect her column “Kat Lady Productions” will share with the readers some highlights from her shows and her latest designs and the world of NYC fashion! Most of all energy, motivation and fun!


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{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

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{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

101 FASHION & FURS BY REGINA SMITH

Triple Treat creative designer, and CEO/ founder of Katlady Productions, Regina Smith showcases, a softer side of her fashion collections with elegance and class. An exquisite style of her own, her collection is created for mature individuals who love fashion, furs and play. 101 Fashion & furs is for the person who loves art. Fashion is a life style, a mixture of art, and a recipe of ideas mixed all together. Designing is a love. It’s an expression of a creative minds. In fact, fashion is all around the world. It is universal. 101 Fashion & furs was never just about clothes. It’s about creating sculpture of art and defining the beauty in its form. Uniting pieces, through your vision, using different skins, fabrics and colors is fascinating. Boom! An arrangement of diverse, unique garments is born. When people think of Katlady Pr o d u c t i o n s © , I want them to envision style and elegance. My goal is to bring 101 Fashion & furs to the world, one step at a time. As a creative fashion designer, and event planner, I’ve worked with the best in the fashion and entertainment Industries, from the late, great Vaugh Harper Quite Storm’s 69th birthday party, to the R & B weekend with Lincoln Session.

Katlady Productions(C) experienced the privilege and pleasure of opening up for Blue Magic, Ray Goodman & Brown, Soul Generation, Harold Melive’s Blue Notes, Black Ivory and the Motown Sister out of NYC. I am blessed to know and interact with theses great individuals on a personal level too. I realize my creative is a God given blessing and I

further express it by doing shows at the National Black Theater in Harlem and the Minisink with the youth. We have so many upcoming events in 2019. Our growth is so exciting! Starting out 2019 with a bang, we are doing a fur presentation (February 9,

2019) with the Music and Film Festive in Newark, NJ. Katlady Productions© will be at the elegant Terrance on the Park in Flushing Meadows, Queens , featuring R&B artist Christopher Williams, and with RWO, April 25,2019 in Rochester, NY, where we will slay the runway. Heading into summer time, one of our favorites is the Annual United Harlem Basketball players event. Former Harlem Globetrotters, college players, coaches and people who made a difference in the Harlem Community come together and give back to the community. We do this, as a small way to give back what God has blessed us with. I would also like to mention Mr. Stephen A. Smith, for taking time out of his busy schedule, to come to Harlem to talk with the youth. On July 21, 2019, Katlady Productions© will grace the runway in Atlantic City NJ. We will be casting for models, designers, photographer and vendors. Stay tuned for all the upcoming information. 101 Fashion & Furs is here to stay. Our Journey is not finished yet. The destination we are focusing on is equally

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{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

as enjoyable, as successful. We already embraced on our path to launching in Baltimore, Md; Atlanta, GA; and Canada. Katlady Productions© was featured in three magazines across the NY area. Billie Blunt, Dmochlloe Fashion Magazine and Fanzisa Fashion Magazine. As a matter of fact, we won the cover of the year! What an amazing feeling. I am a professional creative designer, tailor, fur furrier, event planner and promoter. I am ready to let the world know about Katlady Productions© I hope you like it as much as I do. When you work with this sort of in-depth fashion and construction, you must take your time and be patient with yourself. 100

You need an eye for detail. There are hidden structures to each piece. What fun, adding a variety of colors or vertical strips, or different shapes of buttons of many sizes or shapes. For example, if you haven’t worn a garment in a while, or no longer think it is in style, restyle it. Here are some tips for you. Change the buttons, add trim, cut off sleeves or add sleeves, use different fabrics or fur. Most importantly, have fun restyling it so it is something you would like to wear in pubic. Restyling old garments is always fun, because you see your creative skills come to life. Seasonal shifts are a great time to clean house, instead of getting rid of or tossing

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out piles of clothes, again restyle them. Regardless of the result, the outcome will be one of a kind. Restyling garments is always perfect with fur. A fur can be restyled in many different forms. It can be made into a vest, hat and much more. Restyling furs is a little harder than fabric, to cut, sew etc. you need a heavy- duty machine that sews leather & fur. Although 101 Fashion & Furs construction steps vary depending on the demand of the garment and or project lesson, its well learned and transferable. Until next month Ladies & gentlemen enjoy!


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585 THE PLUG RADIO Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce 585 The Plug will be joining the special section “Sumthin 4 The Sistas” in January 2019. You will recognize Jessica and Shikeya as the hosts of our fashion shows ate RWO. This witty duo has a lot of offer our readers. They will share with you in the “585 Plug” column and as individual columnists!

Shikeya Townsend, co-host of “585 The Plug Radio” is known for her “tell-it-likeit-is” raw personality. She owns/created Phace Cosmetics, earning a nomination for “best new business” within the first year of operation. She prides herself as a positive motivator for women of all shapes and ages. She herself, once

Jessica Bain and Shikeya Townsend are the evening team on Wednesdays, on the radio show, “585 The Plug Radio”. This is an internet radio show, airing in Rochester, NY, focusing on intersecting the worlds of entertainment, current events, fashion and beauty, as well as shining the light on local businesses/areas of interest and women’s issues. Jessica Bain, host and cofounder of the show is an award-winning entertainment manager, event producer and life coach. As President of Collective Society, Jessica produced events such as “Slay the Runway”. Her background is in Music Business and Public Relations (graduate of State University at Fredonia). Jessica is a master of “voice” doing commercials, and voice-over work. Jessica attributes her love for the arts to her musically-inclined family. She is known for being direct and using a detailed-way of solving problems and delivering results. She is often referred to as “the plug” by friends and associates based on her talent of connecting people and resources. 102

and assist them in finding a way to live extraordinary lives. The hosts, met each other through a mutual friend, remaining acquaintances for approximately two years. Through conversation, the ladies recognized they shared a similar vision. They turned the vision into a reality with the radio show. The Plug Radio occurred when their ideas and goals merged creating a platform for the show. The ladies discuss what they hope their show will do: “There are a few messages we always hope to convey through our work together. We strive to shine a muchneeded spotlight on thriving local businesses and entrepreneurs and to recognize the efforts of those working towards their dreams. We also aim to provide a warm, supportive forum through which women especially feel freer to discuss the issues and themes which affect them in a genuine and unbiased manner.

struggled with low self-confidence and esteem. Learning how to accept and love ourselves is the key to becoming a confident woman. Shikeya went on her own self-love journey, learned selfacceptance and “love conquers all”. She uses this platform to encourage others

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We’ve always had a passion for speaking up and using our voices to affect change and positivity. We’re very outspoken within our own respective professional ventures. When the opportunity to produce and co-host the show presented itself, we felt it was natural to seize it and fill the empty niche in radio which existed for so long”. The ladies both gain inspiration from


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{ THE PLUG REPORT }

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{ THE PLUG REPORT } “All of us need to know, your dreams are valid. Nothing you really want is unattainable. It may seem that way when you feel discouraged. Many times, what holds us back is simply the inability to say yes to ourselves and committing to our own visions”.

family members, Shikeya believes she learned the biggest lesson in life, which helps her be who she is today, from her father. He taught her to live unapologetically, no matter what. Jessica indicates her mother was the most inspirational person who taught by living as an example. She instilled in her the importance of independence and taking a pro-active stance in life through consistency and tough love.

at once. If doing all this was easy, we wouldn’t be working hard enough. We are fortunately enough to have amazing relationships with our loved ones, keeping us balanced, and providing quality, personal administrative support”.

The ladies’ final thoughts were stated by stying, “All of us need to know, your dreams are valid. Nothing you really want is unattainable. It may seem that way when you feel discouraged. Many times, what holds us back is simply the inability to say yes to ourselves and committing to our own visions”.

The co-hosts are excited as their show grows. Soon, the show is going on the road. The Plug will be touring, hosting more special events, and more! The show will be everywhere this season and the women are looking to start 2019, off with a bang! The ladies reflect saying,“Our biggest obstacle in this venture was finding a solid support team whose values and methods were consistent with our vision. This venture definitely taught us, who was truly there for us and who was along the ride for perks. There is no perfect juggling act. We will always have way too much to do and too many places to be all

Jessica says, “The point in my life which was most defining was when I actually recognized I possessed skills and connections, and experience to make a living off what I love to do. I learned and brought to fruition the American Dream”.

Shikeya talks about what her most defining moment was in her life: “Becoming a mother, really brought everything in my life, to a clear focus. I crystallized more of my goals at that time, redefined my career goals and I know knew I didn’t just have myself to live for”.

In the holiday season, the ladies were proud to present their Cur ve Nation fashion show. In the tour’s second year, this year the shows are at Dress Barn and Ashley Stewart. The ladies strived to battle society’s view of what is defined as beauty by placing plus-sized women as models on the runway. Be prepared to see everything curvy!

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JESSICA BAIN Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce Jessica Bain is joining us as a new writer for the special section “Something 4 The Sistas”. You recognize Jessica as she is the founder-CEO and co-host of “The Plug Radio” along with Shikeya Townsend, and the ladies appeared hosting RWO fashion shows. Both ladies are writing and there will also be a “Plug Radio” article every month. Jessica also has her own business Collective Society LLC. Collective Society is a multimedia management company which specializes in branding, image consulting and development for businesses and artists. Jessica books entertainment acts for companies, in addition to managing Collective Society’s talent roster. Jessica loves event planning and production work. Jessica is the producer at The Plug Radio, as well as being the host! She’s worked with and booked some Grammy award winning artists such as: Monica, Job B, Erica Mena and Gospel Recording Artist: Kirk Franklin. Additionally, she is the co-founder of: Slay the Runway Fashion Showcase & The Best-friend Brunch here in Rochester, NY.

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LA for a PR and promotional campaign and shared the experience with her social media platform. The ladies were scouting new talent and launching promotions about Jadah’s upcoming album. While on the west coast, they put in some studio time and attended several industry events. Jessica shares some advice for other women thinking about being an entrepreneur saying, “Make sure you really think your chosen

credibility of her business which was not an easy task. All of this takes time. Most businesses are not an instant success. You must plan to get the word out about what you are trying to do, find clients, network etc. Jessica attributes her success to having lessons learned which were instilled by her mother. She taught her the importance of being independent and taking a proactive stance on life with consistency and tough love. Jessica is known for her fun, professional and detailed way of thinking. She was given the name: “The Plug” by her peers because she is a huge advocate of connecting brands and People. Our readers can expect the following her in her monthly column: Celebrity news and Interviews, Updates on what’s happening locally in Rochester and abroad in the areas of: music, fashion, film and entertainment. Her Column will also educate you on how to build your brand from the ground up. Her column will be especially interesting as she will give you an insider’s view of what she does, share success stories of her clients and share with you her ventures outside of the Rochester area.

Jessica and Shikeya are very supportive of other efforts in the Roc. The pair recognizes we must all support each other. Doing so builds relationships which usually turns into more business. Being involved in your community is definitely something that is important to building success and recognition of your brand. One of the things of importance when working in the entertainment industry is being seen, networking and partnership building. Many entertainment productions involve m any different entities. Broadening your knowledge of people in the business is always a plus.

business venture through. Know that you really want it and your ready to commit your assets to making your dream a reality, before investigating your resources. Be ready to make sacrifices, and plan that most of your free time is going to be used to ensure the success of your business”.

Recently, Jessica and one of her clients, reality TV star, Jadah Blue, travelled to

Jessica shares she too struggled with self-doubt and having to put the work in to build the

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RWO is especially pleased to add this national component of highlighting successful people coming from the Rochester area. We hope this will encourage readers to reach for the stars and see your dreams are possible. There is such a big world out there and broadening your horizons beyond our city will definitely help ensure the success and growth of your businesses. Jessica is a key-component in sharing her ventures with span as far as the west coast. Make sure you follow her upcoming column so you can share with us in expanding our horizons.


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BARTENDING NYE’S WAY BY JESSICA BAIN

Recently, I was given the pleasure and honor of sitting down and speaking with Nye Howell, a good friend. She just happens to be one of Rochester NY’s top female bartenders. Here’s her story! There’s a lot more to tending bar, than you would think. It’s much more than standing behind the counter looking pretty.

Where are you from, and why did you want to become a bartender?

I’m originally from Florida, currently residing in Rochester, NY. I wanted to become a bartender because the night life is entertaining, as well as the benefit of being able to make money while having fun.

How do you juggle night life and everyday life?

Being organized is the key. It takes a lot of motivation and pre-planning of my week. Having a network of supportive people around me helps, because not only do I work 3 jobs, I’m a full-time mom of a toddler, who demands a lot of attention.

When do you sleep?

I’ve adjusted to survive on a minimum of sleep. The end goal in mind is it will all pay off in the end.

What are some downsides to working as a bartender, if any?

Always working at night, sometimes can affect my personal social life. But like I said, if I follow my goal- this will all work out and I will reach my goals when it is all over.

How competitive is it to get a job as a bartender?

I’ve found that, bartending jobs in a major city is super competitive. This

is especially true at the nicer places, mostly because the money can be very good. It’s not as bad in a smaller area like Rochester. More than likely, if you have experience and they are looking to hire, you’ll at least get an opportunity interview—but, this business is all about who you know!

Being a bartender, have you serviced celebrities?

I personally haven’t serviced any celebrity clients. However; they were in the club, while I was working. Living in a smaller town, famous people don’t walk in every day. What was the biggest tip you every received? The largest I’ve received so far is a hundred dollars.

How long have you been bartending? I’ve been bartending for 3 years.

Besides working your different jobs, what else do you do in your free time? This past year, I’ve been more heavily involved with the beauty and fashion scene, in Rochester. I was a featured model for the Xquisite Boutique segment, during Rochester Fashion Week’s 2018 show. In addition, I’ve done some print and boutique modeling for a few local businesses.

customers is the worst! Some people don’t know their limit and this goes for drinks and attitude.

How knowledgeable of drink preparation do you have to be to be a successful bartender ?

Honestly, being a successful bartender, you have to know your alcohol and your drink recipes. So I’m very knowledgeable!

What else do you do?

I supervise a convenience store and I’m employed at local boutique.

What advice would you give someone trying to pursue bartending as a career?

I would encourage them to go all in. Enjoy the experience at every given chance. The night life is not for everyone. You constantly have people screaming and wanting attention- this doesn’t change. But, you can meet a lot of amazing people, during the experience. Bartending jobs aren’t right for everyone. If you’re a people person with a good memory and have the ability to stay grounded you can excel in this field

What’s next for you?

Eventually, I’d like to open up my own bar. It is a passion of mine. Some people might think I’m crazy, however, I truly enjoy this industry.

Do you have any plans on retiring from the nightlife?

No. I plan on continuing to bartend, as it is a great source of income for me. Further, I’d like to open up my own bar- not anytime soon- but soon!

What is the worst part of the job?

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SHIKEYA TOWNSEND GOT PHACE? Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce Shikeya Townsend of The Plug Radio and Phace Cosmetics is joining the RWO team in the new section “ Sumthin 4 The Sistas”. Bright, bold and tells it like it is, this is what you can expect from this beauty. You may recognize Shikeya from hosting RWO fashion shows along with her co-host Jessica Bain. “Phace by Shikeya”, her monthly column will bring you everything about skin care, among other things! It is the holiday season, and that time of year for The Plug Radio’s Curve Nation Tour. This is an awesome set of fashion shows where Shikeya and Jessica have opened the door for non-traditional models creating a platform for women with curves. At the time of the inception no one else was doing it so the pair decided it was time. Shikeya is always a lover of all things beauty so she decided it was time to put her skills to work to share with others by gaining an education in the field. Shikeya shares, “Everyone is beautiful, no matter what their size, shape, or color. Find what works for you and work the hell out of t! Be confident when doing so”. 110

Phace Beauty Bar is Shikeya’s business and she offers services related to waxing, facials, chemical peels and eyelash extensions. She tells us: “You name it I can do it”. Phace cosmetics is her baby. Shikeya recently took a break from this concept but It is on its way back! The cosmetic line offers loose shadows, highlighters,

and eye and lip glitters and many more awesome cosmetic products. Shikeya tells RWO, “I want to empower women! We are amazing. I feel a lot of women don’t realize this or feel undervalued. I plan to change that. Expect lots of laughs with a lot of real

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and encouragement. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem. I hated the way I looked. I felt my weight defined me. I’ve changed so much and gained so much confidence. If I can help just one woman, my job is done”. Shikeya is lucky to have a strong family support system behind her. Her family means everything to her. She draws inspiration from all of them: her husband, daughter parents and siblings. They all play a major role in the woman she became. Having this solid family environment allows Shikeya, to gain strength. She loves to be an example for her daughter, so she knows as a woman, she can do anything. She wants to instill the same level of confidence she has to her daughter. She shows her by example, family matters. She teaches her how to have a healthy relationship wit her spouse and to be a stand-up person. In her column, she expects to share these things with the readers too. We can learn a lot from the beauty advice on how to “live your best life”. Shikeya looks forward to helping all women find their inner beauty so they can shine!


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WINTER SKINCARE BY SHIKEYA TOWNSEND

Well, it’s the time of year again, where people start to feel down. Everyone’s skin is dry and flaky. Our amazing summer tans have left the building (Have you seen me?). We all get caught up in holiday parties, running around getting last minute shopping out of the way and often our own care is left by the wayside. We’re over tired. Kids are waking us up early to go to holiday outings or to open presents. We are scrambling trying to get the perfect gifts for the people we love. Then it is all over and it’s time for the new year! This is known for New Year’s Resolutions and making a strategic plan for all the ways we can improve our lives to make 2019 the most prosperous yet! No need to panic ladies, even though the seasons change, we still can look and feel just as beautiful, all year round!

want to still look 20, even when we are 50! It seems so far away now but the years creep on you.

Beauty and skin care are a life style, not just a hobby or something we should do just for special occasions. We must incorporate a regime in every day life to make sure we always look our best. Sometimes people do not make their skin a priority early on, and they live to regret it as they age. Proper skin care can minimize what you see in the mirror later in life. No one wants to have wrinkled, sagging skin. We all

new skin as often, as we age! A good skin care routine is important. People are afraid of skin care because they think it’s expensive or not important. It’s just as important as any other organ in your body. Every woman should own a cleanser, exfoliating product and a moisturizer with sunscreen to start! Cleaning and moisturizing should be a daily routine with exfoliating only 2x per week! This alone will help you

Did you know that the cell turnover rate for your skin is around 28 days between the ages of (20-40) and (38-42) days, as we age, at least that’s what they taught us in beauty school! So, we must take care of the skin we have. We don’t get

see major improvements in your skin health. Ok ladies! Time for some truth. Healthy habits play a major role in your skin’s overall health! So smoking and excessive drinking, will age you faster than you can blink your eye! Now, I said excessive drinking (a girl needs her wine). So, have a couple glasses of wine a few times a week. This won’t hurt but be mindful. What we eat is important too, because what we put in our bodies, will come out. This holds true for the skin too. First thing you have to figure out, is what is your skin type? Dr y, Normal, Combination, or Oily. Dry skin (alipidic) lacks what it needs to produce the right moisture. In all skin, we have follicles, these provide protection to the skin from environmental factors which cause damage. Drier skin is not afforded with as much protection, so we must make sure to moisturize to supplement. Dry skin has smaller follicles and less sebum (oil). Someone with normal skin fluctuates between being dry, normal or a little oily. This skin type has normal sized follicles and is usually free of blemishes.

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In combo skin, the follicles are usually medium to large and the skin can either be dry and oily or oily and normal. I know, crazy right? Insert eye roll. Last of all we have oily skin. This skin type requires more cleansing. This skin type has an excess of sebum and large visible follicles. This skin type is at risk 114

for blemishes and other skin problems from pores being clogged and or dead skin building up. No matter the skin type, the goal is to balance what is called the barrier function. Oily skin does have one benefit it ages slower but as I said is more prone to develop acne. Sooo.., let’s get the basics down ladies,

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and improve the overall health of our skin. For more tips and even a consultation please feel free to email me at shikeya. morris@yahoo.com let’s stay younger forever together!


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GARY ARIEL WASHINGTON THE MAKING OF AN ICON RWO is pleased to announce Gary Ariel joining the “Something 4 The Sistas” new section in RWO launching in January 2019! Gary Ariel is all the way fabulous. RWO is pleased to introduce Gary as a phenomenal new writer who’s monthly column “ICONIC MOMENT” will give you an inside look at how he molds talent into pageant winners. Gary began his career as a pageant contestant in 2006, while attending Bowling Green State University, competing for Mr. Blu Magic, a scholarship pageant organized by Zeta Phi Beta Sorority. He took 2nd runner up and continued competing in collegiate pageantry until finishing his 2 graduate degrees. After placing in his first pageant, he was then nominated for homecoming king! The experience of making the top 10 was a huge motivator for him. He then was appointed by Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority earning his first title, Mr. Majestic 2007. He then won Mr. BGSU (2008). His next title was Prince of Pearls (2009) (Sigma Kappa Sorority). After his third attempt, in 2010, Gary took Mr. Quien Soy (Mr. Ecuador). At 23 years-old, Gary took a three-year break to transition from college life to adulting. He then competed from (20132015) and began winning more titles; He took Mr. Supermodel NJ and Mr. East Coast Male Entertainer (2015). In 2016, Gary began to soar, winning Mr. Florida ICON Continental, then Mid-Atlantic All-American Gent (2017). In 2018, he won Mr. Gay Pennsylvania America. Gary competed in numerous 116

pageant systems and gained a wealth of experience as a competitor. His evolution to pageant coach occurred randomly, while serving as a pageant judge. Alison Herbert approached him and inquired if he could mentor her. Alison became the center of how great a coach Gary would become. He gained additional mentees from almost every pageant he judged.

top 5 at Miss Earth NY (2018); Ramces winning Mr. Gay Gem State and Greater NW Showman. He is now heading to the National Showman Pageant; Lastly, Octavius, a pastor, who is preparing for his first pageant (2019) competing in Mr. Pose International Newcomer). Gary is currently prepping competitors for many upcoming pageants.

Gary cites his most favorable moments of coaching were producing 3 national

Gary shares saying, “After being asked by Alison, it seemed to be a domino effect and I gained a lot of mentees. Once you string together an amazing body of work, then people start to see and join in. I received great encouragement from my coaches, Stacy Margules-Gallagher and Kyle Ean Haggerty. They are both coaches from One Step Ahead Pageantry Consulting and Winner’s Circle. They still coach me and give me pointers. I am grateful to my coaches who sponsored the assistance they gave me, and I follow in that tradition with my team. I never charge for my services. Pageantry is not a business it is a way of life!”

titleholders, 2 state titleholders and 5 charity wins! He congratulates his team on their successes (Alison winning 4 crowns and first runner up at Jr. Teen Spirit of NY (2017); Ava winning Jr. Teen Spirit of the USA and International Princess; Raelyn winning Teen Spirit of NY and telling him they were going all the way to Miss USA and Miss Universe! ; Kira winning International Princess for Sullivan County; Alexa taking the

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Gary ssys for competing pageant contestants that “First and foremost, you must take pageantry seriously and understand it is a sport. You must have fun in the process of creating your “package” and in preparation for the judges and audiences. Third, never focus on who your competitors are but maintain congeniality. Read everything, ask questions and never assume anything. Never compete and play safe. Please understand you are competing to reign and if you are not ready to reign or really compete, then don’t and sit in


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{ INTRODUCING } “She wasn’t just my mom, she was also my paternal grandmother. She raised me until her passing, which was a month after my fifteenth birthday. She is the only reason I am still going. She taught me to be a fighter and to go above and beyond my sexuality, ethnicity and gender”.

the audience. Lastly, study the pageant system in which you are competing. Look at each former contestant. Analyze the characteristics they share. Mirror them without copying. Authenticity wins, and fakeness only gets you in the door. Don’t ever take it for granted. Put in the actual effort. Don’t overanalyze. Remember always to never look back once sash, medallion, crown etc. is on your head and your haters marvel!” Gary shares: “I am the guy from the projects from Spanish Harlem. I grew up in a broken family. As a chocolate man, who knew nothing about pageantry, I took this life on as a way to empower myself from my previous shortcomings. I survived being abandoned by both of my parents at birth. I battled my way out of special education by the 9th grade ( was placed there between 2nd and 8th grade), graduated from high school surviving being the only LGBT person and doing it in 3 years. I was homeless three times in my lifetime and still maintained my pageantry and entertainment career. I was assaulted by family and strangers. I was ridiculed by others, including people who I once looked up to. This adversity only makes me strive more for greatness”. Gary is most grateful for Ms. Mary Louise Washington. This is his paternal grandmother. Gary tells RWO,“Well, she knows my answer!!! She is the most beautiful woman ever. She wasn’t just my mom, she was also my paternal grandmother. She raised me until her passing, which was a month after my fifteenth birthday. She is the only reason I am still going. She taught me to be a fighter and to go above and beyond my sexuality, ethnicity and gender”.

Gary’s talent does not stop there. He is a lead male performer, stylist, actor, singer, dancer and retail specialist. His hobbies include collecting hats, fashion frames, hand gloves and super hero memorabilia. He also enjoys classic/ reality/cartoon/TV. He loves singing weekly at karaoke, shooting pool, rock climbing and playing trivia. Styling people is also a favorite past time. Watching someone evolve into a stronger person is rewarding. As far as being creative, this is a way of life for Gary. He is also an avid creator of creative beverages for parties! He maintains his ties to Sigma Lambda Beta International and Alpha Phi Omega National Co-ed Service Fraternities.

honesty and everyone learning to find their own iconic moments, as Gary shares with you his. He will also share interesting stories of first-hand male pageant accounts and he will teach you how to uncover the secrets of experiencing an ICONIC MOMENT. Stay tuned for the next episode!

Gary hopes to continue with Pageantry success and continuing to serve as a titleholder. He looks forward to getting married and having a family and who knows maybe even an Oscar nomination. He has hopes to continue with pageantry charity and will seek to raise money for cancer awareness and the homeless including establishing a scholarship program through his platform (#BETRUETOYOU). He promotes positive self- esteem and self-image through social media advocacy and helping those who have experienced cyber bullying. Gary will continue to assist others in their goals of becoming pageant title holders. He strives to obtain his own apartment and a new car. He would like to have the opportunity to become NY’s #1 Male Lead Entertainer. Gary says he has stopped trying to predict everything as far as what the future will hold. He hopes he will continue with everything he does, leading to something ICONIC or an INCONIC MOMENT. He looks forward to writing for RWO and you can expect truthfulness, facts, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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ICONIC MOMENT BY GARY ARIEL WASHINGTON

PICK ME, PICK ME: UNDERSTANDING T H E PA G E A N T MENTALITY AND ITS COMPETITON BACKSTORY Have you ever wondered why anyone decides to ever compete in a beauty pageant? No, seriously. Have you ever considered the rationale of the person who is competing? Have you ever wondered how the person truly shows up to the world? Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we all have our ideal daily scope of achievements. Each daily scope, we as individuals have shares various scenarios from “living our best lives” to winning a beauty pageant and reigning. One must first understand, what really makes a pageant competitor come out a person. In this first article, I am exploring the “backstory” as to why compete in a beauty pageant? I will offer lessons which can be taken from a pageant stage, to the life stage and how you can incorporate these things into your life. First, an obvious reason anyone chooses pageantry, is they must have an honest enjoyment of performing. Pageantry pushes each competitor to find their signature moments. They must portray themselves as the perfect choice. The majority of pageant systems, allow the contestants to push themselves to a new elevated level as an individual. From singing, dancing, acting, modeling, lipsyncing, garment constructing, to original/ unconventional talents, everyone gets the opportunity to show the world what they can do. Many people in the world, thrive off entertaining large or small audiences with

their chosen gifts. Becoming involved in pageantry does just that. Pageantry also offers up opportunities from gigs or career paths you didn’t expect would come your way. I know so many who have gotten television roles to even running for local congress!! The transferable skills you gain in pageantry, especially if you really study the game, can make you a fully realized human being.

immaculate perfection.” Pageantry allows us to create our own platforms to enhance the needs and wants of society on a local, regional, state, or national level. Each competitor must champion one or more charitable organizations . These competitors are using their titles to speak with legislation, having hands in changing history, and empowering positive change through true advocacy for humanity. The greatest reigns are from those who give onto others, whom give onto them! I personally advocate against cyber- bullying & homeless prevention and its was thanks to a pageant, I gained my platform! Another idea to why people compete, is having the opportunity to share their personal stories to others . In relation to my previous point about getting involved and inspiring through work, many do the same by sharing who they are. Often competitors have real backstories that are compelling, overwhelming, shocking, to unfortunate. Next time pay close attention to those video packages where you get to hear the contestant speak. Normally, they will get to share what molded them, and often as a society, we forget to connect with others. Some have a fear to reveal what we’ve gone through, in fear of judgement. Pageantry allows you to truly confront those feelings.

Another aspect of competing in pageants is the chance to change lives, while enhancing your own. What I mean by that is, pageants engage the person to make contact with the outside world. Many of us out there have one person we view as our “symbol of excellence” and “beacon of hope &

The outgoing Miss Universe 2017, DemiLee Nel-Peters was assaulted by a male attacker after winning the Miss South Africa crown. She talked about that brutal assault and what measures she took upon defending herself. In sharing such a personal, yet traumatizing experience in return, she

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“Each daily scope, we as individuals have shared various scenarios from “living our best lives” to winning a beauty pageant and reigning. One must first understand, what really makes a pageant competitor come out a person.”


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brought heightened awareness towards learning how to defend yourself. At times, placing a crown physically on your head or metaphorically, pageantry does a beautiful, honest job of bring people together. Everyone has differences, but that is what makes pageantry a celebration, because diversity of experiences are always rewarded. The final reason I offer up to the why compete question, is pageantry is not a conventional sport. Now your reading this like, hold up did he just write a sport? And yes, I actually did. Pageantry fits all of the actual criteria for a sport. Its competitive. There are various rounds/categories your challenged in. YOU MUST TAKE REAL STUDIED PREPARATION, TOWARDS THE COMPETITION! 124

Each pageant has a history, a reputation/vibe and you do take time to strategically plan the proper approach to win the pageant. It challenges you to really show up to your life, thinking out of the box. Pageantry promotes becoming a fully well-rounded person. That reign for 365 days that your blessed to receive, also grants prizes upwards of various monetary gains to travel, and chances for a larger social media following. Most importantly, it’s achieving the “do something different” mentality. It’s not a common thing many get involved in, having that uniqueness to your personal resume is bonus bragging rights. In my 12 years in pageantry, it’s a blessing how many recognize the sacrifices that were made. The amount of dedication it

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has taken to achieve what I have achieved. Furthermore, the amount I get to give back as a coach and public figure, is astronomical. Assuming everyone wants to challenge themselves by trying pageantry, which I stand firm that everyone should do once. I hope those reasons help you understand why someone may enter a beauty pageant. In the next edition, I will go into the specifics of strategies and how to properly prepare for a Pageant. I hope the above reasons I have given you, you apply to your life and hopefully your pageant backstory. Please follow me & contact me on Instagram: @Gromance0804 & Facebook: @3NAMEWONDER.


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SHEILA YOUNG BEAUTY LIES WITHIN Rochester Woman Online is proud to announce Beautician Sheila Young will be joining us in our new special section “Something For The Sistas” as a writer. You may recognize Sheila as a model from the RWO runway or as one of our stylists who has provided services for photo shoots. She is a “class act” that is for sure and we are excited about what she will bring to our readers as a new writer.

Many entrepreneurs are still starting up and getting grounded, so they must maintain employment aside from their business. Sheila also works at Paychex and as a server for a company called Celebrate Events Inc. Sheila reminds business owners that “The advice I have for women who decide to own your own business is simple. The word CONNECTIONS. Being able to lean on someone for advice or help is

Sheila shares by saying, “Being a Beautician, is harder than most people think. It takes patience, skills and a lot of training, even after you graduate from Hair School. I decided to become a Beautician, after I was laid off 5 years ago from a corporate company. I decided to attend classes at Continental School of Beauty. I started doing hair when I was 13-years-old! I practiced on a little manikin doll I received from my parents as a gift for Christmas one year. I attended college in Sanford, Florida. I would practice my skills on my friends and enjoyed making people feel good. After losing my job, it was a given this would be my next venture”.

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Sheila shares as women we are vulnerable sometimes to others. “PEOPLE can cause you to stop doing what you love the most. Having a Dream and someone crushing it can cause a burden on anyone. When you have a passion and then have it ripped from your hands, it can be devasting and hurtful. Be cautious who you share your dreams with and be vivid on what you say and whom you say it”. Sheila is very spiritual and indicates the most significant person in her life at this point is GOD. Besides the man above, my children make me want more than I could ever possibly need or want. I am lucky to have found friends like Latiffany Anderson, Cheryl Kates, and Barbara Young who have supported me in everything I do. These women impacted my life by always choosing me as choice to represent them and the subsequent encouragement they provide. Last and most importantly, my Grandmother Mary Lee Bowman and Aunt Katina Redden, as they give me unconditional love, and this is consistent since I was a young child. They always have my back and support ANY dream I ever have”.

Sheila has a chair in a shop, so she is very aware of the sacrifices people must make to succeed as a business owner. She tells RWO that “Being an entrepreneur is very difficult. It takes lots of prayer and patience. For me, being successful revolved around who I knew. This helped me get to where I am today. When you work in the industry, it is exciting because you get to meet so many new people! In a salon, you come across so many different personalities and attitudes. It is rewarding to be able to change a frown on a face and be able to help someone beautify their looks with just a simple hair style”.

in the industry and meeting new people everywhere she goes. Her worst experience in the industry is working in an unprofessional environment or venue.

always a great asset for your business to grow. Having someone to guide you in the right directions is always a plus. Again, you must always remain relevant and stay up on the latest trends and techniques so always take classes and trainings to keep up your skill set”. Sheila became a model through her pageantry. Sheila competed in the Ms. Kurvie Pageant. In 2017, she placed as Ms. Congeniality. Since then Sheila has joined every modeling show she could. She loves the atmosphere

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Sheila aspires to own her own spa within the next five years. She looks forward to building a legacy to make a family business for herself and her children. Sheila indicates, “It doesn’t have to be a anything big or flashy”. She will be satisfied with anything simple that God blesses her with. Sheila looks forward to bringing our readers a down to earth column where “The sky is the limit!” She plans to share things, so people know “Don’t let anyone make you feel less than a person”. “Beauty Lies Within” will promote loving yourself and how to stay your number one fan!


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FINDING YOUR WAY BY SHEILA YOUNG

A LITTLE BIT OF THIS AND A LITTLE BIT OF THAT: FINDING YOUR WAY

from both sides. Now, I was not exactly in the same area as the fellas. However, my clients had to walk through the barber shop clients to get to my chair. Some women were not comfortable walking through a shop of men. A little bit of this.

When I lost my corporate job at JP Morgan Bank, I never thought in life, I would produce beauty within someone, besides showing love and support. On January 09, 2012, I started at Continental School of Beauty at 633 Jefferson Rd. Rochester, NY. At first, my mind was set on, “Let’s just go to school, doing something I love and use it as a part-time gig to get me by”.

Next stop, Phli Divas Beauty Salon, owned by Tiff Gray. What I learned while at this shop was techniques/skills to do 27 pieces and Dreads. This was a specialized set of skills, I needed to broaden the services I knew how to do. A little bit of that.

Well, it turned the other cheek. I am excited and honored to be able to produce beauty within someone, with just my hands. It takes lots of courage and patience to deal with so many different personalities and attitudes. It takes love and passion to keep yourself encouraged and up-to-date with the styles or current trends. I learned to love what was just a hobby, which turned into a career and now I am an entrepreneur. I learned it took a little bit of this and a little bit of that! I found my way. I graduated February 23, 2013. Once I hit the world as a cosmetologist, I had hope in my heart, it would be a piece of cake. Reality set in, I was sadly mistaken. Growing a successful business took a lot more than hope. It took prayers and a lot of time, sweat, and tears to get where I am now. I set up in several shops, before getting to where I am currently located. Fresh out of school, I started off my beauty career at Changing Faces Barber Shop, owned by Kelvin Young. Within this barber shop, I learned lesson number one, owning/operating a shop with men and woman as customers and providers can be challenging. It required patience

The Lord led me to the third salon, Divine Designs, owned by Cee Cee Davis. What can I say? This woman is exceptional, brave and unique. Clarissa “Cee Cee” Davis, should not just be producing beauty within hair (styling) but teaching it to others as well. She taught me the value of HAIR. She taught me YOU are the creator of your styles. You make your own mark, not just within the hair, but also with the client. Anyone who passes through her shop, will be blessed and loved genuinely. First, we must perfect our craft. Then, we must perfect how to work with people. The customers must feel special and comfortable to keep coming to see one stylist. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Now, currently I am at Forty Acres, owned by Lauren Carr. She taught me the value of loyalty & trust. Within the years of being at so many shops, I learned something from each place and owner. Every day, I am grateful for the experiences I was exposed to and the little piece of the various mentors I took with me. You become successful because you combine what you learned at school, with lessons learned etc. It is not usually an instant thing. That’s for sure. My mark, talent and gifts include coloring, 27 pieces, cuts, and sew-ins. Additionally, specialized services such as, solutions for

cancer patients, assistance with damaged & breakage, as well as, lace frontals. Within the years of being a beautician, I managed a shop. I experienced job offers at chains like Super Cutz and JCPenney Hair Salon. I turned those all down, because I felt in my heart, the neighborhood shop I was at, was where I was meant to stay. These are all lessons learned along the way. Lesson number two, of being a successful entrepreneur, it takes great courage to get the confidence you need to be able to sell yourself. That did not occur overnight. People will let you down and make unnecessary noise regarding your gift. You must learn to tune people out. Hold on tight and know that GOD has a way of putting things together for you. It took me a long time to get the clientele I now built for myself. I have faithful clients. There are also those who are just a test. I, thank God for all of them. Even those allowing me to touch their hair at least once. My goal going forward is making every hair style exceptional and more beautiful than before, all the while, perfecting and creating my styles. Also, in 2019, I am striving is to become a master stylist where I expand my services to broaden my clientele (increasing male clients). Yes, Yes, I want to perform perfection in both men and women. Stayed tuned, follow me on social media (Sheila Young on FB). You’ll see once my mind is made up and God opens those doors the rest will follow. The moral of the story is, never give up on your dreams. Prove something to yourself. Learn skills, self-love and self-confidence. Beauty is more than a pretty face, you must also create beauty within. Can’t ride out on hope alone fam, it takes a little bit of this and a little bit of that! You will eventually find your way!

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JAMEQUA ABERNATHY ALL HAIL THE QUEEN Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce Jamequa Abernathy is joining us as a writer in our all new “Something For The Sistas” special section. You saw Jamequa previously on the RWO runway, or from “Jewels By Lady A” Most recently, she was crowned Rochester’s “Ms . Kurvie North”! She is also a makeup artist extra-ordinaire! She will be bringing us a monthly column “Glam Factz” by Lady A, so make sure you check her new column out.

are and everything else will fall into place! I enjoy meeting new women through Ms. Kurvie, who are just like me, who weren’t afraid to be who they are. I’ve developed friendships I thought I would never have and I’m forever grateful for that. My platform is to make every woman I come in contact with to be and feel confident with who they are. I want to break the stereotype of

Jamequa says, “He is the sweetest man I know. He is literally my best friend. He pushes me to do better. He stands behind me 100%. He is my number one supporter. He is my number one fan. I love him so much. I know if I lose everything today, he will still be by my side. He’ll still be all that and more”.

Jamequa lives in Buffalo, NY. She studied forensic science and criminal investigation at Hilbert College. Jamequa started her career in modeling as a plus-sized model and a pageant contestant after meeting Latiffany Anderson on Facebook. Latiffany reached out to her to inquire if she would be interested in competing in the Ms. Kurvie North Pageant. She competed initially in 2017. She then began modeling. In 2018, Jamequa competed again and she brought home the crown. Jamequa also won an award for the talent competition, where she performed an array of a Beyonce dance routine, showing everyone being Kurvie did not deter her ability to produce the moves! RWO asked Jamequa “How did winning Ms. Kurvie North change your life?” She shares, “It really didn’t change much of my personal life or how I viewed myself, except now everywhere I go in my hometown everyone calls me Queen(she laughs)! Women must always be true to themselves no matter what. Never let anyone change who you are and just allow yourself to be beautiful. Always be confident in who you 130

Jamequa became an entrepreneur after losing her job as a secretary. She decided to become a make-up artist based on her love for make-up. She is a free-lanced artist and is seeking to become licensed. She became a jewelry entrepreneur, after her husband John suggested she did. She was always complimented on the pieces she was wearing. She’s been in business now for three years. Her husband, John Abernathy is the most significant person in her life.

a BBW or plus-sized woman . We are more than just our size and pretty faces. We are fearless, victorious, and unique women. I want to encourage young girls to never settle and to follow their dreams. I want them to see their body isn’t what is the most attractive thing about them. It’s your smile! I’m going to change and break the rules of the plus-size industry. Watch me work.”

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Jamequa looks forward to her year as Ms. Kurvie and hopes to continue to inspire plus-size women with the message, they are beautiful and can do anything they set their mind to. She looks forward to building her business, continuing to collaborate with others and growing as an individual. In the next five years, she tells us, we can expect her to bring more beauty, business and billions! She loves meeting new people, networking and working together so everyone wins. Jamequa is very excited about her column with RWO and hopes to inspire each one of you through her work and things she shares with you. She indicates to expect everything glamorous. She will bring you the latest updates on makeup tips, the do’s and don’ts, and also lots of “Jewels by Lady A” . You won’t want to miss it!


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“JANUARY JEWELS” BY JAMEQUA ABERNATHY

I once heard jewelry isn’t an enhancement of my beauty, but an extension of my personality. In this issue of “Glam Factz” I’m bringing you “January Jewels”. Learn all the latest and hottest jewelry facts/ tips. This includes jewelry must haves to the do’s and don’ts for this upcoming season. I’ll also include how I first became an entrepreneur of my own jewelry business. Tune in each month for more must have info to look and feel your best. Your outfit is never complete without a little bling!

life. Bright, bold colors are also what’s hot on the market right now. Designers such as Tiffanys , Cartier, Gucci, Swarovski AG, David Yurman and my personal favorite, Coco Chanel are spicing things up with these jewelry trends to add more versatility and options to their customers.

but so significant and meaningful to have in your collection. Let’s not forget about pearls or as I like to call them “the go to jewel”. This is a definite must have. They are not solely available as white, now they added colored pearls. This adds a sense of sassiness to the jewelry scene.

Chokers , extremely big earrings, stacked bracelets, lace, and long necklaces are also trendy for your jewelry box. Don’t sleep on the head pieces. They are more and more

JEWELRY DO’S AND DON’TS

JEWEL FACTS

Jewelry comes from the french word “jouel”?. It is not a modern day invention, way back in Mesopotamian and Egyptian times, jewelry was still popular. The most important concept about jewelry is how you wear it and how you feel wearing it. The birthstone for January is “Garnet” which is the color red. This gemstone is often gifted after the 2nd anniversary of marriage. It is thought to keep the wearer safe during travel.(1) Now that’s a fun jewelry fact! Jewelry is crafted from all different types of materials and there are all types of jewels such as; rhinestones, diamonds, shells, gemstones, beads, pearls, silver, gold, and different metals just to name a few. The cost of jewelry varies so it is affordable for everyone to accessorize your latest outfit. It can be simple or extravagant. One of the most expensive pieces called the “Graff Pink” , a type ll color diamond necklace was worth over $1 million dollars.(6) I guess the saying is true, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”(5) and expensive too!

JEWELRY MUST HAVES

Big statement pieces like big hoop earrings with long bold necklaces are the must haves for any runway show, for a date night and even for the wedding season. Never leave the house without a matching set or a bedazzled necklace to bring any outfit to

To leave the house without a pair of earrings, is considered “bad taste” (3) I mean, I know I feel naked if I don’t have any on. Never just throw or store your jewelry anywhere, invest in a jewelry box or storage container to help protect your precious jewels. Always have clean wipes or jewelry cleaner, to wipe down and clean your jewels after use. This protects from germs and rusting of your jewelry. Try not to use heavy oils or lotions in the areas where your wearing your jewelry, as well. This can also cause rust, discoloration, and damage to especially costume jewelry. These are just some helpful do’s and don’t tips to help you better maintain your jewels.(4)

HANDMADE JEWELRY

popular, as the day goes by. If not for the bride -to -be or prom season, headpieces are definitely a head banging trend you want to be a part of. Now is the time to start thinking outside of the box, when it comes to jewelry. Designers are now going beyond their basic styling and incorporating these jewelry looks into their designs. Why not invest in pieces you can get a lot of wear out of every day? Take the jewelry pendant for example, small

Anytime you sport home-made jewelry, it is sure to be a hit. Handmade jewelry is definitely an “IT” factor! Whether it’s bohemian styled headpieces, flower pieces , rope necklaces, or the newest trend earrings with faces or figures on them, these looks are a sure go to for your everyday looks with a touch of home . Did you know that handmade jewelry is said to be the most expensive jewelry because of how much time, effort, and material is put in just to create it? (2).These different types of styles , colors, textures, and designs makes these pieces extra unique in their own way.

JEWELS BY LADY A

Being an entrepreneur is the most rewarding part of my life, because I get to make women feel and look as beautiful as I do, whenever

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I’m wearing one of my pieces. In 2015, I decided with the help of my husband, to start my own jewelry business called “Jewels By Lady (because of the way i carry myself) A” (named after my last name Abernathy) and the rest is history. I’m an independent jewelry consultant, who sells affordable jewels . My line of jewelry started off small and has blossomed into something great. I’m in the process of looking to purchase a small store of my own. My pieces include necklace and earring sets, chokers, bracelets, headpieces, body chains, foot jewelry and much more. One word to describe my business is “BOLD”. All of my pieces are indications of the things 134

I like and how I like to look. Everything in my collection shines and are bold. They are extraordinary pieces you won’t find anywhere else. Be sure to get all the updates on all my jewels and more just follow me on facebook @Jewels By LadyA. See you in the next issue of Glam Factz!! Resources

(3) “Brainy Earring Quotes” (2018). Brainy Quote,Xplore 14 , Retrieved December 14,2018, from www.brainyquote.com/topics/earrings. (4) Mayne, Debby. “Tips for Properly Wearing Jewelry.” (2018). The Spruce, Retrieved December 14,2018, from www.thespruce.com/jewelryetiquette-1216702.

(1) “Old Farmer’s Almanac.” (1991) The Old Farmer’s Almanac, Old Farmer’s Almanac 1991.

(5) Channing, Carol.(2018). “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend.” Wikipedia Foundation, Retrieved December 14,2018 from wikipedia. org/wiki/Diamonds_Are_a_Girls_Best_Friend.

(2) “Handmade Jewelry, Handcrafted Jewelry.” (2018) Uncommon Goods, Retrieved December 14, 2018, from www.uncommongoods.com/jewelry/ by-collection/handmade-jewlery.

(6) Balkhi, Amanda.(2014). “Top 25 Most Expensive Pieces of Jewelry in the World.” Retrieved December 14, 2018 from https://list25-com.cdn. ampproject.org

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RedTwig ELEGANT DESIGN

THE UPMOST IN EVENT PLANNING & COORDINATING It’s already mid-month and we are still reflecting on our modest but successful first full year of business as event planners and coordinators. 2018 was a phenomenal year, it jump started us into the wedding planning field. We were chosen as a day-of-wedding coordinators for 2 wedding ceremonies and 3 receptions. Our responsibilities were; liaison between the bride and various vendors, organized the wedding rehearsal, set up of the ceremony and reception spaces, decorated both areas, and coordinated the reception timeline. All of these time consuming details were met to insure the bride that she would have an amazing day. Last year also provide the team with other opportunities to design and display our creative abilities. We created unique teacup centerpieces for a women annual fellowship. As a marketing technique to advance our services to the general public, we designed incredible eye-

catching winter wreaths for the holiday season. Which was a perfect way to end the year. With great delight we would like to share our sincere appreciation to all our clients who selected us to create a beautiful atmosphere for their special affairs. 2019 will be a year of fulfillment and expectancy. The team is prepared and eagerly awaits the opportunity to create the perfect design using innovative ideas. This year we’ll be introducing gorgeous color combinations for our new designs. Our color spectrum will range from monochromatic to primary colors with a vibrant twist. Our knowledge and experience have skilled us to accommodate virtually any occasion from large scale corporate conferences to Intimate events such as weddings.

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GOAL

Satisfy the client’s desire by providing an unforgettable event

PLANNING

Handle all the logistics of a function

DESIGN

Visual display of the client’s ideas

SERVICES

Weddings & Receptions, Birthday & Anniversary Parties, Family Reunion & Picnics,

LAUNCH A PRODUCT & MARKETING EVENTS If you are interested in more information about our services, please click, write or call us at: Mailing address: PO Box 93116, Rochester NY 14692-9998 Facebook: @RedTwig Elegant Design, Email: elegantdesign359@gmail.com Website: redtwigelegantdesign.com


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LATIFFANY ANDERSON CHANGING THE WORLD

Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce Latiffany Anderson will be joining us as a new writer in our special section “ Sumthin 4 The Sistas”. You may already know Latiffany, from seeing her at RWO events, and seeing her clothing on our runway! Latiffany Anderson is the owner of Kurvie Kulture, a clothing boutique in Rochester, NY. She is also the director of the Miss Kurvie Pageant. In 2013, Latiffany started out styling women in Rochester. One of the women was Yolanda Smilez. One day the women were discussing being plus-sized women and wanted to do something in the Rochester, NY area to uplift women. In 2014, the first Ms. Kurvie Pageant was held, “Ms. Kurvie Upstate”.

to change things for yourself, that is ok. Every day is an opportunity to begin new moments of self-discovery. We all have things about ourselves we would like to change. However, you must love yourself at every point of your journey”. Kurvie Kulture began as a blog in 2012. Latiffany enjoyed expressing herself. She enjoyed connecting with women and inspiring them. The movement all started off with a blog. Then there was an online closet sale. In December 2012, an online boutique and Instagram sales. The sales started to pour in.

My message to any plus-sized young lady struggling with their self-esteem is, “ You are enough. You are beautiful. You have a purpose and there is no one on earth like you. Do not compare yourself to the images you see on social media, movies and TV. Your beauty lies within your confidence. There’s a world that is setup to make you feel like you aren’t loved. You don’t have to conform to societal ideas. If you want

Latiffany shares how being a stylist has changed her life: “Being a stylist, is more than picking out clothing for women. It allows me to connect and engage with a variety of women. Some come to me with an idea of exactly what they want, while others come for complete guidance. Most women come for a styling session and do not expect to leave feeling fulfilled. I take pride in knowing I have an impact on how women feel on the outside, but more importantly on the inside. I like to ask questions about their style leading to conversations about their self-esteem. I am a firm believer that clothing is an accessory to your confidence”. Latiffany looks forward to 2019. She is planning various Ms. Kurvie Pageants, a black artist expo, a retreat centered on Reclaiming your Krown, and Kurvie Kulture’s first fashion show. Latiffany is grateful for all of the blessings she received throughout the years and the status she is currently in, but she still faces challenges and struggles.

Latiffany shares saying, “With the pageant, we were trying to further the Kurvie Kulture (KK) Motto: “Embrace your kurves. Empower yourself. Evolve your life!” I want women who are plus-sized to understand loving yourself, is the first step to having a truly, happy life. I wanted to show society plussize women are beautiful, articulate, alluring and should be celebrated. Being the director of the Ms. Kurvie Pageant, brings so much to my life. It allows me to see the transformation of each contestant. I work directly with them to prepare for the show. My position gives me the honor of guiding them in their confidence journey and it is so rewarding on so many levels.

just make the movement stronger ”

In November 2016, her physical location at 510 State Street in Rochester opened. Additionally, “Reclaiming Our Krowns” emerged. This movement allowed Latiffany to be a mentor. Latiffany says, “In the next five years, I plan to establish the “Reclaiming Our Krown” retreat and a Kurvie Travelers Klub. I will continue to style and contribute to magazines. Celebrating, 11 years of Kurvie Kulture with plans to expand the Ms. Kurvie Pageant including Ms. Kurvie South, and Ms. Kurvie Canada is all a dream come true. At that point, the Ms. Kurvie Pageant will produce 6 Miss Kurvie Teens and 6 Ms. Kurvie Norths! We progress in everything we do, so time will

She states, “Although I am in a place where I feel I am most in touch with who I am as a woman, there’s still some work to be done. I have overcome needing approval from others and the desire to be what society sees as perfect. I struggled for years trying to fit into a mold never designed for me. I battle with my image at times just as some women do, however, I found love within myself and this helps me overcome anything”! Latiffany plans to share with our readers the ability to have an open- mind. She will share lifestyle tips and inspiration. Readers will expect a real perspective on womanhood and a person who is open about everything. she plans to be a reference for the readers who want to evolve into the woman they know they can be. Lastly, she plans to be accessible to all readers!


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SELF LOVE-THE OUTWARD JOURNEY BY LATIFFANY ANDERSON

The journey of self-love is just like the infinity symbol. It’s a constant loop which will never end. The way you feel about yourself, flows into every relationship you have. It is important for us to understand how we feel about ourselves effects every aspect of our lives. In order to be loved, you must love yourself first and then that will follow. I often ask during my styling sessions, “What do you love about yourself?” Many women will instantly name something physical. They will say something like “I love my legs, but I wish they were smaller”. I love my body, but I wish my arms weren’t so big. “I love everything except my stomach”. “My body would be perfect, if I didn’t have back fat”. In those moments I interject and ask “What makes you dislike those parts?” “Who decided that larger parts aren’t something to be celebrated?” “Why don’t you see your whole image as beautiful?” Often, they look at me and say, “I’m not sure” or state “it just is”. I then begin to inform them, “All bodies are beautiful”. Furthermore, all of our body parts, even the ones we want to change are gorgeous. I have to let them know dissecting your body, feeds into what the world wants. Our conversations continue with questions and observations on how they feel about themselves. I try to steer

the conversations into a positive light. MY goal as a stylist is not only to make sure my clients love their outfit, but for them to truly love the woman within the outfit. There is power in self-love. We have to understand that it all starts with our mindset. Directing the MS. Kurvie pageants allows me to dig deeper into the minds

of women who are plus size. Most of our contestants are women who wish they were “confident enough” to grace a stage. Over the years, I’ve heard several women say, “I’m not pretty enough”, or “I’m not like those other plus-size girls, I don’t love myself like them”. There were several contestants I’ve spoken to daily about their struggles and fears

of not being able to match the beauty of the women they were competing against. I am blessed to say, many of the contestants changed how they felt about themselves through the MS. Kurvie Pageant. My personal self-love journey is what allowed me to become a stylist, boutique owner, mentor, and pageant director. It took several years to be in the place I am today. I wasn’t always the secure, self-loving woman I am today. As a teenager, as my hips increased, my self-esteem decreased. I hid my shape, it was a source of embarrassment for me. Most of my friends were smaller in stature, and those who were plus-size didn’t have the same shape as I did. There wasn’t someone I felt could relate or share my struggles. Being uncertain of their reaction to my statements, I then internalized them. I didn’t have any images on TV or in the movies of women who looked like me. There wasn’t a reference of a plus-size woman being celebrated. Many will say, if a young girl has low self-esteem, she wasn’t told she was beautiful. I am a living contradiction of this statement. I was taught to love myself within my family. Although the lessons and “you’re beautiful” statements were always there, I didn’t know how to

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love my body. I didn’t know where to begin, I didn’t feel my pear shape was acceptable. No matter who told me I was pretty, it wasn’t until I believed it when I started to see myself differently. Self-love or lack thereof flows directly into each person you interact with. Being confident in yourself shows through your conversations, and how you enter 144

a room. In order to truly love another person, you have to understand who you are, and completely love who you are. There is an image society deemed as perfect. With social media and this rigid view of beauty, women have the constant pressure to be something that is unattainable. We are constantly being force fed images of what we should

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look like, and if we do not meet those requirements our self-esteem is instantly attacked. I am on a life long journey to combat those ideas. Every day is an opportunity to take steps forward on the self-love journey.


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WHEN YOU GET TRIPPED UP BY TUNYA GRIFFIN

Hey, everyone! I’m back with a not so traditional contribution this month. If you’ve read my articles, you know that I try to approach things from a positive place, sharing tips and tools I use in my own life to help you live your best life. Using my training as a Life Coach and my perspective from personal experience, I aim to spur you on toward your own success, just as I hope to spur toward my successes as well. But, you know what? I’m only human… and sometimes I fail, too.

During the weeks in which my daughter was gone, I had “all the time in the world” to focus on myself. Theoretically, I had no distractions and no one to take care of but myself. So, I was surprised when it seemed the harder I tried to make positive changes, the harder I fell down- and we’re not talking the graceful kind of fall where you manage not to spill your coffee or drop your purse. Oh no. We’re talking the take-three-steps-and-fall-flat-on-yourface-in-a-crowded- room kind of fall. Did

Every summer, my daughter spends about a month in Minneapolis with her dad’s side of the family. Each year when she leaves, I have some grandiose idea of some gigantic change I’m going to make in my life. Apparently, I haven’t learned enough from my past failures in this arena and this year not only did I have one grandiose goal, I had many sort of grandiose goals totally separate from the big gigantic number one goal. You see, for the first time in a long time, I am at a very stable place in my life. At this time last year I was wasn’t working my dream job, But, this year? Ah, this year how things have changed! I am in my last year of writing my dissertation and as a result I am receiving more opportunities than I know what to do with. I feel like a new person after intentionally taking time to reflect on the things I should keep and the things I should let go. And after many years, I finally did it! So, I can take on the world? Right?

you see it? That was me- falling over and over and over again. Some might even say the most important thing is that I got back up, but I disagree. What is the good in getting back up if we make the same mistakes all over again? No, we can’t just get up and go full-steam ahead. We’ve got to take a minute to gather ourselves and regroup. This is the step I was missing- the regrouping step.

Wrong. So, so wrong.

When we fall down- literally fall, the instinct

is to jump up as fast as we can and act like nothing happened. We think if we keep walking, maybe no one will notice that we just fell. When the truth is, we fell down. It hurt. We may be bruised and not just our ego… if we continue on like nothing happened, we could cause the injury to become worse. If we can swallow our pride long enough to take a deep breath and shake ourselves off, we give ourselves the chance to assess the situation. Are there any broken bones? Am I bleeding? And for me, the most important question: what tripped me up? Until we are able to see what it is that tripped us in the first place, we are bound to trip over the same thing again and again. Here is what I do when I fall (and trust me, I’ve had a lot of practice formulating and using these steps): 1) Take a minute and breathe. Try not to do like I’ve done in the past and flip out. It’s hard, isn’t it, when we want something so bad and then we fall short. Often times the knee-jerk reaction is to get angry and scream, or cry in disappointment. Go ahead and let yourself feel those feelings, but don’t let the feelings overtake you. When I fall hard, I’ll let the emotions consume me for anywhere from ten seconds to ten minutes, depending on how hard the fall. After that amount of time, I gather myself and take the biggest, deepest breath I can muster. Almost immediately, calm starts to replace the feelings of inadequacy or loss. I’m not saying everything will be fixed with

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{ REEL TALK } “Tripping is a part of life. When you trip and fall, get up! But, remember: getting back up is only the first step. Take a breath, shake yourself off and kick that stone out of your way! You’ll be on a smoother path before you know it.”

one deep breath, but that one deep breath could make a big difference in the way you take your next steps. 2) Take the time to figure out what tripped you. Was it the size of a pebble, perhaps something as simple as lack of sleep? Or was it big like a boulder such as a bad habit that overtook you or a friend who’s not the best influence in your life? Once you identify what caused you to fall, you can begin to take steps to keep it from tripping you again. 3) After you’ve figured out what tripped you, remove it. This isn’t always as easy as picking up the rock you tripped on and 148

tossing it out of your path. Sometimes, removing the things that trip us up is a process that involves creating new patterns and breaking old habits. As with any change you attempt to make in your life, enlist some support. Vent to a good friend and have someone to help encourage you and hold you accountable. Change can be difficult, and the more supported you feel, the easier the change will be. 4) Learn to laugh at yourself. I once tripped and went flying into the pavement in a parking lot after a meeting with my ex-husband. I laid there, all sprawled

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out stunned for a minute, and then I laughed. I laugh now as I retell it. It’s a fact of life: you’re going to fall. You won’t reach all your goals on the first try. So, try not to take life so seriously- learn to let go a little. You’ll be amazed at just how much freedom this will give you. Tripping is a part of life. When you trip and fall, get up! But, remember: getting back up is only the first step. Take a breath, shake yourself off and kick that stone out of your way! You’ll be on a smoother path before you know it.


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AKILAH MOORE Rochester Woman Online is pleased to announce health advocate Akilah Moore will be joining us as a new writer in the RWO special section, “ Something 4 The Sistas”. You may recognize Akilah as she was featured in the September 2018 edition of RWO. Akilah Moore is a Teaching Assistant in the Rochester City School District. She enjoys her work there, especially being able to be a positive force working and assisting children of all ages and their families. She did not originally see this as her career choice but is overall happy and finds her work personally fulfilling. She gains her inspiration from being a woman of strong faith. She attends church regularly at Greater Adams Street Church of God by Faith, where she is the President of the Nurse’s Guild. She participates on the church auxiliary. Akilah suffers from sickle cell anemia, which she was diagnosed at birth. In 2013, she became a health advocate, forming the RocCity Sicklers, along with two other survivors. The grass-roots advocacy group focuses on educating the public about the effects of Sickle Cell on family, medical information and society. In 2018, Akilah was recognized for her work in this area receiving the Dr. David Satcher Community Health Improvement Award. This award was given celebrating the advocacy, support and improving the health of the community. Akilah shares with us by saying, “Being 150

a thriving adult with Sickle Cell Anemia has given me a passion for educating and bringing awareness to the disease and it’s effects on the individual, family, the healthcare system and societal views. I have overcome giving in to my sickness. It is a mountain I see and face every day of my life. When I think of other obstacles, I see a “In Progress” sign flashing. I’m faced with overcoming fear, self-doubt and the what ifs in life”.

Akilah attributes her mother and her grandmother as being the most influential people in her life. Her Grandmother is since passed on, but she feels that she remains an “angel among us”. She embodied love and happiness in her family. She wore a smile as if it were the most important thing she put on every day. She showed Akilah’s family love and the importance of showing love to others. She recalls that everyone who met her never forgot her. She left that kind of impression. Her mother is her

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best friend. Akilah admires her strength, her gift of giving to others and that she is always there for her. Akilah plans to continue to aid in the efforts she is embarking on with the not-for-profit agency she co-founded, Roc-City Sicklers. This advocacy group was started out of a need. There is a need in the community for better transitional health, adult support and overall awareness in our community. The Roc-City Sicklers is a support group that supports children, adults, and caregivers with coping with Sickle Cell. Monthly meetings are held on the 3rd Tuesday of each month. She hopes her efforts continue to bring awareness in the community of the disease-process and ways to improve healthcare agendas relating to such. Readers can expect hope, inspiration, strength, humor, and heart when reading Akilah’s column. The column will focus on diseases that affect black women at a much higher rate than others. Each month, she will write about a Sista that has faced illness and disease , with heroism and grace. In efforts to bring to light their journey, with a focus on the disparities in health care concerning the overall health of black women. She hopes to educate black women on taking better care of themselves, the importance of healthcare and being proactive and aware of the things they are most effected by. She looks forward to collaborating with RWO and these special Warrior Chicks!


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WATCHING AND WAITING BY AKILAH MOORE

We’ve all experienced a “life tornado” before, right? You know, that unexpected curve-ball that smacks you in the face, totally whisking you away like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, leaving you chanting to yourself, “There’s no place like home”! Regina Doyle, a mother with 5 loving children, a well-respected hair stylist, and the co-owner of Tru Beauty, a successful salon, one day woke up and her life was forever changed. In June of 2015, Regina was thrown into her own tornado. She was visiting a sick friend who was hospitalized, out of state. No one wants to get sick when they are away. Regina started experiencing extreme headaches. This progressed to nausea, dizziness and pain. Finally, Regina sought medical attention.

around her brain before she reached home. They began to pray as a family. Time was of the essence. Not know-ing how much time she had, she felt as if her brain were a ticking time bomb, that could explode at any minute. She was taken straight to Emergency at Strong Memorial Hospital. The doctors ordered another MRI. While surrounded by family, Regina was given the results. She indeed had a brain tumor. Miraculously, there was no fluid. Relieved and thankful to God

Regina was prepped for an MRI scan of her brain, which can be an intimidating procedure in itself. As Regina was laying inside this big, white, cold and noisy machine, she was in dis-belief. Regina says she was “afraid of the unknown” and felt “just as cold as the room”. It seemed this was a bit much for a headache. As she sat in disbelief, she repeated what the doctors told her in her head, “I have a tu-mor on my brain?” Just like that, thinking she just needed some Tylenol and now they are plan-ning to airlift her to Camden, New Jersey for emergency brain surgery. Regina was devastated, her life was hanging in the balance. Against doctor’s orders, Regina declined to be admitted. The doctor warned Regina to go straight to the emergency room, once she reached Rochester, be-cause he wasn’t sure as to how long she had. She needed the comfort of her family, children and loved ones. Being a woman of faith, she was clear on one thing, she needed her family to pray! While on the eight-hour ride back to upstate New York, she made the call notifying her family. Regina asked them to pray a specific prayer. She asked them to pray the fluid dried up

for answering their pray-er. no emergency brain surgery would take place. Regina was diagnosed with a Grade 1 Meningioma which is a benign brain tumor (non-cancerous) located in the right cerebellum, the area in the brain responsible for regulating movement, co-ordination, breathing, swallowing and balance. The team of Neurologists estimat-ed there was a 5-year window before they had to perform surgery to remove the tumor. Regina joined the “watch-and-wait” list. This is the term assigned for assessing the tumor through MRI. December 23, 2016, 16 months later, Regina started to get back to living a normal life. She went in for her routine doctor’s visit

planning to finish up Christmas shopping with her daughter after, but Regina’s tornado picked up speed. The tumor started to grow rapidly. Brain surgery was back on the table, and much earlier than anticipated. Although Regina was not alone, she had her family, friends and church family praying for her, the whole ordeal began to take a toll. Regi-na experienced many sleepless nights because fear and anxiety haunted her once again. The only thing grounding her was prayer. So, Regina prayed for comfort. On February 2, 2017, with the support of family and close friends Regina underwent a 5- hour brain surgery. Post-surgically, Regina experienced dizziness, fogginess, painful headaches and hand tremors. She felt as if her life was taken away from her. Not only did Regina suffer physical side effects, she also dealt with depression. One can only imagine the mental anguish Regina endured. Walking was now a challenge, after taking five steps she experienced fainting spells. She needed assistance walking longer distances because her balance was also affected. Weight loss, a half-shaven head, coupled with her dependency on others, made her feel defeated. It might sound minor or superficial to some, but to look at herself in the mirror, was hard. All she saw was a 6-inch scar on the right side of her head, where shiny, healthy hair once was coiffed. Regina felt alone, overlooked and that no one understood what she was going through even though her children were right by her side. Regina says, “It takes a special village exuding love, compassion, empathy and patience to take care of a loved ones stricken with an illness”. Family and friends were a blessing in her time of need and recovery. Her journey was longer than she expected, but God has shown her grace and mercy. February 2, 2019, Regina cele-brates what her online support group, “Meningioma Mommas” calls her “Cranniversary”. She can’t believe she survived.

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Sharpe Fit is an Active Plus Size Clothing line that was founded in 2016. Sharpe Fit promotes the healthy lifestyle of a Curvy Woman, and getting Flawlessly Fit whether your in the gym, working out at home, or exercising outdoors. Sharpe Fit is more than a clothing line but a movement about accepting your curves and saying Eff the standards of society. The great thing about Sharpe Fit, is that it can be worn anywhere and you will look fabulous. To place an order Check out my IG and Facebook business page under Sharpe Collections. “BBWs make working out look good!�


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WORTH MORE NATION CLOSET ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY SANDY ARENA

Following is an account of early experiences I had with my daughter who my husband and I were named guardians of – along with her twin brother - in 2016. She was 14 years old at the time of this story, in the 8th grade. Now at age 17, she is a senior in high school in our town living as a full time member of our home and family, and thriving as a productive and cherished member of our school district and community. It is experiences like this told below that have inspired my work with my Worth More Nation organization that empowers girls living in trauma, and/or impacted by foster care to know they are Worth More. This month I am writing about our Worth More Nation Special Occasion Closet for girls living in poverty and trauma, or who have been impacted by foster care - either currently in foster care, raised in foster care, or members of families who foster. The time period described in this story is forever imprinted upon my heart and continually reminds me of the need for a closet and programs like those offered by our Worth More Nation organization. Our daughter has come a long way since the days she survived living out of garbage bags, as has her twin brother. I am happy to report she is the proud owner of a closet full of clothes and dresses which are currently and typically – teenager style - strewn across her bedroom floor. We will be buying her a gown in the months ahead for her senior ball and that makes me very happy! She was graduating from middle school and she needed a dress. Not any old dress, but a DRESS. The kind that makes you walk taller and smile wider: a heart fluttering, milestone worthy dress. 156

You know the kind. Most women do. The event, the school, our relationship – all of these things were important, and so was this potential dress. It mattered to her. And, it mattered to me. I was her advocate and her cheerleader; the one who wanted to see her sparkle, shine and achieve no matter what was out of control in her young life. As much as it depended on me, I wanted to see her graduate from that school wearing the best darn dress we could find, and, I wanted her to have a dress of her own. I didn’t want her to have to borrow one as

she had done so many times in the past from my biological daughters. The year was 2014 and little known to many people, the twins were homeless. Although we had pleaded for them to live with us, their biological mother said no, choosing instead to drag them back and forth to shelters, relative’s homes and dirty hotels. There was no room in their transient lifestyle and garbage bag suitcases for heart-stopping attire and especially for this particular dress set to be worn when graduating from Rochester’s School 19.

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This impending event was esteemed to be paramount. You want to look your best when saying good-bye to an institution that served as an anchor in the midst of your storm-tossed life. You want to sparkle when you shake the principal’s hand and receive your certificate, proud to have not drowned and committed to keep on swimming. You want to do all this, and not be wearing your too short jeans or hand me down shirts. Their nurturing K-8 school tucked in the heart of their neighborhood had been a God send for the twins offering a place of daily stability where food, warmth, hugs, smiles, learning and hope abounded. It was attached to the recreational center where they went after school and in the summer to play basketball or run around on the playground with their friends. Teachers, staff and administrators favored them because they were conscientious students, and because they were well-liked by all. They, at times, seemed painfully timid, polite, and compliant, unwilling to ask for their needs to be met - as if quiet obedience could offset the reoccurring trauma. Murder, incarceration, drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, rage, theft, homelessness and poverty: when your daily dose is this, what does it matter if you skinned your knee, or if you wanted a fancy dress? The School 19 staff favored us too – the people who committed themselves to caring for the twins and who made themselves available and present. They called us frequently even though we were not legally their guardians at this time. I’d see


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“Our daughter has days she survived li as has her twin brot she is the proud own and dresses which ar teenager style - strewn


come a long way since the iving out of garbage bags, other. I am happy to report ner of a closet full of clothes re currently and typically – n across her bedroom floor.�


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{ WORTH MORE NATION { SHIFT+CONTROL } } “When you care for children in trauma who are not your own, every day clothing let alone over the top dresses – are a struggle.“

the principal’s name pop up on my phone ID and immediately my heart would go boom, boom, boom; my stomach flip flop, flip flop, flip flop. One time, for example, they called us because they had to expel the children, as was matter-of-factly explained by the worn-out principal, firmness in her voice. Their biological mother had raged on the staff and teachers, and she or the children were not permitted on school grounds for the safety of the school family. Thankfully, after much begging on our part on behalf of the children, they changed their minds and allowed the children to stay on the property, but not their mother. It was not their fault! Another time, they called when their younger brother had become incorrigible at school and the school didn’t know what to do with him. Their biological mother had been passed out on drugs for a few days, unbeknownst to any responsible or caring adults, including us. It was normal for them to see her like this, so they didn’t sound an alarm.

Many times they came with just the clothing on their backs. They were both very thin and would sometimes wear double layers of pants and shirts. Their clothes, coats and backpacks (if we picked them up from school) always smelled like smoke and needed immediate washing as soon as they would arrive.

Given all of this history (and the above mentioned circumstances which are only a smattering of them) and because we had committed ourselves first back in 2008 to walking through life alongside them, I not only wanted a dress for her graduation, but one for me, too.

sometimes keep at our home or send home with them. We also shared our biological children’s clothing with them. As they would come and go in our lives depending on what bargaining chip their biological mother would dangle in front of us or her mood of the month, so would their clothing come and go. One time, for example, we bought them plastic, makeshift drawer organizer bins to create a space for their items in our home (they were going to be living with us for a few months), only to get a call the very next morning at 6 a.m. from their biological mother demanding we bring the kids back. They had been so excited about their little bins and the items we had purchased them, and we didn’t

When you care for children in trauma who are not your own, every day clothing let alone over the top dresses – are a struggle. Whether the twins would come for the day, the weekend or a month, they always came carrying their belongings in ripped up bags filled with a potluck clothing assortments such as toddler socks that wouldn’t fit their preteen-sized feet, or over-sized, tee shirts.

During these years, I became accustomed to buying them clothes that we would

have the heart to leave the bins and clothes behind. Also, we also didn’t know if and when we would see them again. When the need for the over the top, graduation dress came up, I remember we were not rolling in disposable money. We took her to the mall hoping to find a deal and believing it would all work out. I am a woman of faith and roll like that. We went to a department store and there it was. She went to it right away. It was white, mermaid style, shimmery and gorgeous. It fit her like a glove. She looked approvingly at her reflection in the mirror, a homeless girl having her Cinderella moment, and we knew she wanted this dress. Sam and I looked at the price tag and we looked at each other our brains swirling about what we could do. So, we went to the register and did what many Americans do and opened a charge card. Would he be approved and would it be enough for the dress? We held our breath until yes, he was approved, and also enough to buy her new jewelry and shoes. Not the most responsible choice on our behalf, but it was our only choice in that moment. She was in love with the dress and I was not about to make her leave it behind, as much as it depended on us! A few weeks later we went to the home where she was staying to bring her and her siblings to the graduation. Her biological mother was there too. She sheepishly walked out of the home gliding down the stairs, shoulders back, smile on her face, eyes gleaming. Her hair had been done and so had her nails. She was a shining star. Confident. Lovely. A girl with a future.

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A girl who had lived so many unhappy days no fault her own, and here she was wearing this dress – happy for at least one day. Mission accomplished. I was hooked. Will dresses solve truckloads of problems? No. But I believe that when you look the part, you become the dream, and a vision for your life can unfold, even for just one day, and if you have hope and courage you can hang onto that vision and remember what it can be if you make the right choice. So yes, I believe in the power of a beautiful dress in a young girl’s life, and I’ll keep working hard to make it happen for as many girls as we are able. Our closet is filled with special occasion 162

gowns, cocktail dresses, skirts, blazers, shoes and jewelry and we are collecting more items every day. We have been blessed to have been given hundreds of pageant gowns from the pageant community around the country and are in dire need of more special dresses and gowns especially in little girl sizes if you can help! Please dig deep and help! This past year since opening our closet and starting our Miss Worth More Nation Pageant for Girls in Foster Care, we have provided 100 services including special event participation, and dresses. Young ladies who qualify are invited to come and pick out a dress in our closet at no charge for their next special occasion. Girls become lifelong members of the closet as inventory

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allows and may exchange in the future or keep their dresses forevermore. Call: (585) 350-9012 to book an appointment! The Closet is located at 3 Railroad Avenue, Fairport, NY 14450. Please call or text to donate new or very gently used items. Visit www.worthmorenation.org.


Rochester Woman Online Congratulates Lo Publication of her Debut Novel, Purchase yours NO


ocal Author Leslie C. Youngblood on the Love Like Sky, (Disney Books) OW on Amazon!


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{ VISIONARY MINDS } BY TAMMY REESE

Welcome LAIZA SEMIDEY Mother, Videographer, Editor, and Photographer Laiza Semidey born in Puerto Rico came to the states in 2008. Florida, Binghamton, then graced our presence with her creativity, positivity, and powerful spirit in Syracuse NY. She received her A.S degree in Electronic Media Communications from Onondaga Community College. During her college time, she also received a Bachelors in Social-Cultural Anthropology. This inspirational woman is what is very needed in a industry dominated by men. Creating her own content she is able to be a producer, director, editor, photographer, videographer and so much more. Not many women are doing it all or are presented with the opportunities, but she creates her own. Laiza owns her craft and continues to learn and work hard as she has with CNY Central when she was a News Editor /Digital Sales assistant for the news station. A dream

job many have goals to achieve. What a major accomplishment by her for being empowered in community leadership programs Laiza has taken part with like the You Can’t Fail Inc. Millennial Women Making Moves Learning Community. Giving back and being involved with the community is a passion of Laiza Semidey. The Black Affair and Seersuckers community events were some of the most inspirational events she was involved in. Seeing others that look like her in one space achieving goals is something she hasn’t quite seen in her community before. What sets Laiza, a rising entrepreneur with a can’t stop won’t stop mentality apart from others in her field is the energy she brings women. Inspiring them to go hard as she does while connecting with people and making those around her, those she works with, or are her clients feel comfortable as friends.

Advice Laiza has for anyone wanting to be in her field is that it can be difficult and there will be times you’re going to want to quit. Don’t quit just take a second, hit pause, take a deep breath and then resume. Always remember that others may do the same thing you do, but not everyone is like you and that is the best part about it. People will work with you because of who you are. Continue to work on your craft, continue to have passion, and continue networking because those three key elements will help you become successful. The future looks bright for Laiza, 2019 will be filled with more community involvement, business plans, collaborations, and new photo/ video projects. To book Laiza Semidey for her services email: lksemidey@gmail.com

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“What sets Laiza, a rising entrepreneur with a can’t stop won’t stop mentality apart from others in her field is the energy she brings women. Inspiring them to go hard as she does while connecting with people and making those around her, those she works with, or are her clients feel comfortable as friends.”


{ VISIONARY MINDS } The future looks bright for Laiza, 2019 will be filled with more community involvement, business plans, collaborations, and new photo/video projects.

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{ VISIONARY MINDS }

JASMINE COAN WOMEN EMPOWERMENT BY TAMMY REESE

When you think of a Disc Jockey aka DJ most think of a male dominated industry, but in these modern times there’s a particular woman by the name of Jasmine Coan also known as DJ Bella J who has broken barriers as the first female DJ of the Syracuse University Women’s Basketball team. This Central NY resident who is a graduate of Cazenovia College and Lemoyne College was born in Germany. Bella J learned to scratch,mix and host from New York City’s prestigious Scratch DJ Academy. Coming from a musical family having a sister and uncle who sings as well as a father , Gary Coan who passed away September 10th 2018 and was a member of the legendary Central NY music group 5 to Life. DJ Bella J has two daughters she is very proud of as I’m sure her late parents are very proud of her. Stepping into a niche she owns that most would be scared to attempt, by conquering confidence, passion, and drive to succeed and inspire the masses. The SU Women’s basketball team has given DJ Bella J a platform to do what she wants interacting with the crowds and bringing a freshly fun vibe to the games. Other exciting venues DJ Bella J has played includes Lord and Taylor at Destiny USA, Channel 9 news Bridge Street tv show for their Halloween special, Rochester Prep High School, and the Oncenter. “ At the Syracuse Community Connections and Fearless Queen presents Girls Can Dream Too Empowerment Brunch Bella J got 172

to DJ and also be a keynote speaker. Her accomplishments and powerful mark on her community is definitely getting noticed. “The concept of a serious female DJ is not normal in Syracuse. She’s paving the way...From the beginning, Jasmine wanted

The last five years DJ Bella J has been maintaining a consistent presence at corporate events, community gatherings, weddings, birthdays, private parties, schools and more across New York State Her professionalism and notoriety has given her opportunities such as opening up for rapper Fetty Wap, being a DJ for the legendary DJ Scratch on his Scratch Vision Show , along side DJ Mister Cee in New York City and being a DJ for Jamal Gravy Woolard who portrayed Biggie Smalls in the movie Notorious. One of Bella J favorite accomplishments yet was being a DJ in Aruba. Advice Bella J has for women who aspire to follow her footsteps into this amazing field she is conquering is to remember “everyday you are capable of doing it”, and “envision then make your vision a reality”.

to put in the effort. She appreciated and celebrated DJ history and culture. That’s why she excels”. Says DJ Maestro (Hasan Stephens) who is a community leader and Founder of the Good Life Foundation.

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Some reasons you’ll want to book DJ Bella J for your next event is her professionalism, knowledge of music, reliability, her body of work, and over all great attitude. If you have a question on music she will answer. If you have a request she will listen. She understands all types of musical taste. Book DJ Bella J at her website: https://djbellaj.com


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{ VISIONARY MINDS } Advice Bella J has for women who aspire to follow her footsteps into this amazing field she is conquering is to remember “everyday you are capable of doing it”, and “envision then make your vision a reality”.

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{ HER EDGE }

RESOLVE BY ROBIN DEWIND I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

RESOLVE: to decide firmly on a course of action, settle, sort out, fix, rectify

mall. Usually this is my safe place, my getaway. I made a mad dash to my go-to store in between my daughter’s basketball practice to find an outfit for a holiday

It is January a month I embrace and dread all at the same time. It’s a new year, a new start and a month of self reflection and resolve. It also has me thinking. Why do I put so much pressure on myself by promising to lose the same 10 pounds that have been haunting me every Monday morning for almost three decades? By the time I get to the football playoffs or movie award season, I’m doomed anyway. I’m always a mere swipe of delicious rye bread dip away from failing my yearly resolution to lose weight before the month is even over. I hit the holiday season vowing to be better and more disciplined in the fight against bad carbs, but my taste buds have already been overwhelmed with so much good food that my brain says, oh just a little taste won’t hurt. Clarity came to me while I was standing in a dressing room in the 176

a holiday party sounds like a trip to the beach. As an employee for a company the annual holiday gathering becomes an obligation. But when you are working in the same place you have to clean every week, a random invite is suddenly a must-attend event. The idea of cocktails and appetizers wet my wardrobe appetite and became the perfect excuse for a “pop-out”. I love the “pop-out”. It’s usually an outfit, or if I’m being good from previous resolutions, a top that you pretend to have had in your closet for years. The secret lies between you and your conscience. “Oh this, I’m glad you like it, I’ve had it for years.”

party I was invited to last minute. The party was the next night. Right there I should have lowered my expectations, but when you work for yourself and out of your home,

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So I raced to the mall to find something I could feel good in. My confidence painfully has always come from the outside. Even as I’ve gotten older and more secure with my place in life, I still feel better in a new cute new top that gives me the hug I need and whispers, “You look great, only you know your pants are tight.” But on this particular Wednesday


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{ HER EDGE } } { SHIFT+CONTROL “So this year I resolve to lighten the load, to weigh a little less, where it really counts.”

night, my body wouldn’t have it. Nothing looked or felt right. While the sales woman was trying her best to talk me into the sparkly silver tank and plush plum velvet blazer that were left over from the other women who had planned and already purchased their holiday gathering outfits, I was left with a smaller selection in my size. I could feel the frustration and panic set in. I started to sweat and stare at the 11 different items strewn across the floor and on the hooks in front of me.

With a deep breath I smiled and slipped my old sweats and Uggs back on and walked out with what was left of my dignity. Without making eye contact of course, I thanked the woman who now had to clean up my mess that looked like a crime scene.

I hated it when she would say that, now it made me smile. When I got home, I went shopping in the place that usually fails me when I’m in one of these moments - my own closet. I found a pair of barely worn pants a shimmery top and a great pair of pumps and called it a night. My resolution had already begun and it was still December.

My mother used to endure my dressing room melt-downs. As a teenager we are ruthless to our mothers who are just standing outside the dressing room door, trying to strike that delicate balance of encouragement and honesty. Usually I would have none of it and leave being angry with her. But my mother wasn’t there and all I had left was my self-doubt and no options. It suddenly occurred to me as I stood there alone with the cloths and my extra ten pounds that now felt like 20, that this was just a cocktail party, not a coronation. Like the Grinch, my heart, in this case, my common sense, grew three sizes that day.

you’re wearing.”

I resolved to lose weight from my shoulders instead of my stomach. To stop being so hard on myself. Taking the pressure off my head and heart and focus on what is right, rather than what is wrong.

As I walked to the car I thought about my 86 year old mother who can no longer walk the mall with me and shop. When I see her next time, I must thank her for her years of patience with my bad behavior. She would always tell me, “Smile a lot and no one will notice what

I have to constantly tell my teenage daughter how important it is to feel good about yourself. Not to allow the bullies, naysayers and mean girls to get you down. Have self-worth and confidence. But I was the mean girl, I was hardest on myself. So this year I resolve to lighten the load, to weigh a little less, where it really counts.

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CONTACT ROBIN DE WIND TODAY! I ROBINDEWIND@GMAIL.COM


{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

THE MAKING OF A MISS TEEN NY USA BY SANDY ARENA

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO COMPETE IN THE MISS TEEN NY USA PAGEANT?

Local model and pageant queen Annaliese Arena has been accepted as a state finalist with the Miss New York Teen USA Pageant. She will compete January 18 to 20 at the Crowne Plaza in White Plains, New York along with hundreds of other New York hopefuls in the Teen and Miss Divisions. Following is an account of her preparation and experiences by her Momager Sandy Arena who is a contributing writer and photographer for Rochester Women Online.

that I believe most young ladies would benefit from this kind of experience because pageantry provides the time, opportunity and framework to focus upon a wide range of important skills. It’s not only about the possibility of winning a crown and a title which is fantastic, of course - but it is more about the journey to the crown and the transformation and leadership skills that develop along the way. I have found pageant girls – especially during competition time - sit a little straighter,

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin. Like many other mother/ daughter pageant duos I know, Annaliese Arena and I have been partners in pageantry since she was just 8 years old. There are many verbs associated with pageantry, and we love them all. For me - coaching, teaching, shopping, driving, packing, washing, designing, dressing, curling, teasing, spraying, researching, writing, connecting, photographing, promoting, encouraging, and best of all, loving on her. For Annaliese, practicing, walking, speaking, dancing, interviewing, curling, posing, smiling, volunteering, exercising, dieting, teasing, spraying, learning, meeting, dressing, waving - and most of all - finding the strength and courage to believe, learn and sashay towards new stages of opportunity. As her mom, I have seen tremendous growth in her poise, stage presentation and communication skills, so much so 182

walk a little taller, speak a little clearer, dress a little neater, and think a little bit more about their future. They strut a little more confidently, serve their communities a little more creatively and diligently, and answer questions a little more pleasantly and with keen thought to their voice and diction. They do all of this and so much more wearing their best looks and smiles, and if we are lucky enough, we as moms get to do it all alongside them. Talk about quality time. Pageant weekend experiences build bonds and memories to last a lifetime, in my opinion.

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Annaliese’s acceptance as a state finalist with the Miss New York Teen USA Pageant is thrilling. This is a pinnacle moment in time for her since her love of pageantry was first sparked in her glitter-stricken, little girl heart after we secretly binge watched Toddlers and Tiaras and were somewhat appalled and hooked all at once. We knew this day would arrive where she would have the chance to saunter across the stage and command attention in the interview room in the big leagues of pageantry, if you will. And, just like that – a thousand sequins, gems, layers of tulle and hairspray cans later – here we are. Annaliese will be 15 years old competition weekend parading and dancing across the stage alongside girls in the teen division up to age 19. Rochester Women Online asked us to write an account of her pageant preparation for curious readers who may want to know or who may be considering pageantry. I will say from the onset we have been preparing for years for this upcoming event with each pageant, dance, modeling, volunteering and speaking opportunity Anna has pursued. The following is a preview of what we have been doing over the past year since Annaliese decided to go for this title with one of the greatest pageant systems in our country. 2018 was quite a year for Annaliese which included serving as a state titleholder and competing nationally with another pageant system and modeling throughout New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. We clocked a lot of miles together in the car and on an airplane pursuing opportunities that would sharpen her onstage, modeling, speaking


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Annaliese’s acceptance as a state finalist with the Miss New York Teen USA Pageant is thrilling. This is a pinnacle moment in time for her since her love of pageantry was first sparked in her glitter-stricken, little girl heart after we secretly binge watched Toddlers and Tiaras and were somewhat appalled and hooked all at once.


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{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “This is all good stuff. Ultimately, I want to gain more confidence doing things I didn’t think I could do. I want to win, of course, but also to have fun and make friends. It is more about the journey.”

and presentation skills, and that would build her confidence. Dreams are achieved when we have the courage to visualize them, coupled with the willingness to put in the hard work and sacrifices. Annaliese perhaps says it best, “This is all good stuff. Ultimately, I want to gain more confidence doing things I didn’t think I could do. I want to win, of course, but also to have fun and make friends. It is more about the journey.”

standards; and a top level of competition rubbing shoulders with the best of the best from around the country. Annaliese made new friends and connections, grew as a competitor by making top 15 in finals (the look on her face was priceless, as was my screaming), and also achieved a degree of independence backstage and during events as this pageant builds in ample time where competitors are not accompanied by their support system. Like Anna said – good stuff.

Here are just a few areas we have focused on this past year to prepare.

COMPETING IN THE HIGH S C H O O L AMERICA PA G E A N T SYSTEM

This is another top rated pageant system in our country that Annaliese had the opportunity to represent this past year as the Miss New York Junior High School America. Annaliese grew as a competitor through their culture of excellence which focused on a high level of community service and accountability throughout the year promoting their national anti-bullying platform B.R.A.V.E. (Building Respect and Value for Everyone). Preparing for nationals held in Little Rock, Arkansas was quite intense in regards to their interview format which was a panel interview where contestants are interviewed by a group a judges simultaneously verses a one-on-one “round robin” interview in which Annaliese had previously experienced; a high level of wardrobe requirements including formalwear, fun fashion, red carpet, excursions and themed rehearsal attire; hair and makeup

MODELING

Annaliese did a lot of print and runway modeling this past year. Runway modeling comes naturally to her as a classically trained ballerina accustomed to expressing herself through movement. Walking on the runway in a high fashion show is different than pageant walking, and likewise each fashion show and pageant is different in presentation and requirements. Research and homework is paramount for each show, and not to mention the importance of preparing mentally and physically. It has been a lot of work and traveling, but has paid off in building confidence and her resume. This past year, Annaliese participated in Atlantic City Fashion Week, New York

Fashion Week, Philadelphia Fashion Week, Philadelphia Teen Fashion Week, Fashion Week of Rochester, Secret Garden Fashion Show, Lord and Taylor’s Prom Fashion Show, and Premier Philadelphia Hair Show where she modeled for two celebrity hair professionals. She walked the runway almost 30 times wearing anything from couture gowns and dresses, to ready to wear street attire and high fashion creations with outrageous hair and makeup. She’s had to learn to cope with all types of adults in many situations including advocating and speaking up for herself when problems arise like the time she felt like her scalp was on fire during a hair show and was going to pass out on stage. She’s had to learn to eat and drink water backstage, and to speak up when not treated with kindness. Runway shows typically open up print and online modeling opportunities and this has been the case for Annaliese. Being polite, as well as acting responsibly and professionally at live shows has garnered more work with photographers, designers, producers, hair and makeup people, judges and retailers for Annaliese. It has been encouraging, exhilarating and exhausting.

H E A D S H O T S A N D P O RT F O L I O DEVELOPMENT

Since I am a photographer, Annaliese and I have had many opportunities this past year to practice together and develop both of our portfolios. She has worked diligently studying portraits and body shots of other models and pageant queens and has developed her own posing techniques, makeup and hair preferences and camera expressions. Although it may look natural,

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SHIFT+CONTROL { SPECIAL FEATURE } Annaliese works out almost daily especially when she has a show or modeling opportunity coming up, so she has been hitting it hard this month with Miss NY Teen USA coming up and also NYFW and ACFW.

it is learned skills and techniques achieved through studying, practice and trial and error in the studio. She has had to learn to trust herself when working with photographers other than myself who may not correct her in a shoot the way that I do when we work together. We may have had some arguments here and there. Annaliese’s headshots for this pageant system were taken last summer after much thought to wardrobe and preparation in hair and makeup.

HEALTH AND FITNESS

Annaliese works out almost daily especially when she has a show or modeling opportunity coming up, so she has been hitting it hard this month with Miss NY Teen USA coming up and also NYFW and ACFW. She runs and weight trains at the gym, trains in the ballet studio when she is able as she is on a hiatus to her regular ballet training, and runs track. Some months are more intense than others depending on what is happening, although as of late since she has been invited to model spur of the moment quite frequently, maintaining fitness has proven to be necessary. She started using a fitness app called NOOM to help regulate her goals, learn sustainability and moderation. Anna’s birthday falls one week before her pageant! She will have cake on her birthday, but after that it’s back to work in the gym and in making healthy eating choices!

PRACTICING

Annaliese practices the varying genres of stage presentation for pageants and runway shows using a hallway in our home. She always wears the heels she will be wearing for the show and practices with music. I video her and we talk about technique and posing, upon review. She is her own worst critic. We also practice interview while driving in the car, through journaling and at home. Annaliese has only worked with an interview coach one time before, and she actually did the worst she has ever done in a pageant after that coaching session as it made her overthink her performance which ended up not being positive for her. For some

competitors this has not been the case. For Miss New York Teen USA, however, she is working with a coach who specializes in helping clients achieve mental focus during competition. We believe she will have an incredible experience regardless of the pageant outcome as it is best to focus on the journey and what you learn along the way!

BEAUTY SERVICES

Although pageantry is about so much more than outer beauty, being the best version of yourself, and making a pleasing presentation is essential. In the days leading up to a modeling or pageant event, we always book appointments for hair, nails and spray tanning including spray tan touch ups in the midst of competition events which at her last pageant were done in a group setting due to space constraints. Talk about awkward, and dare I say only in America. Anna said you could hear a pin drop in between the spraying. While we have become experts in doing Annaliese’s hair and makeup for photoshoots and many runway shows, hiring or enjoying professional services during pageants that allow for makeup (at some age levels makeup is not permitted, depending on the pageant system) and during high level fashion events is key for stress relief and success. I can either awaken at 4 a.m. to wrestle with our arsenal of beauty products, or I can send her off down the hotel hallway, Starbucks in her manicured hand for services. Which would you choose if given the opportunity? We highly recommend budgeting or fundraising for, or taking advantage as such!

VOLUNTEERING/PLATFORM DEVELOPMENT

Annaliese’s has had several platforms over the years depending on her age and what is meaningful in her life. She has volunteered and advocated for in the media and at speaking events numerous causes including pediatric cancer, women empowerment, positivity and kindness, adults with disabilities, art initiatives, breast cancer and most recently

foster care and adoption. She has won several national volunteer awards, Special Mayoral Recognition by Rochester, New York’s Mayor Lovely Warren, and a Presidential Volunteer Service award having completed 1900 hours of volunteer service in the past seven years that she continually builds upon. Annaliese has worked very hard on her platform for this upcoming pageant which is called “It’s Not Their Fault” raising awareness of and advocating for the over 400,000 children in foster care in the United States, 25,000 of which are in New York state. Her greatest achievement for her platform this past year has been serving as the assistant director and emcee for the Miss Worth More Nation Pageant for Girls in Foster Care.

WARDROBE DEVELOPMENT

Perhaps what is most thrilling in pageantry for us is wardrobe development including shoes, jewelry, undergarments and competition clothes. Since Annaliese has grown up in pageants, we have had to alter her wardrobe accordingly! Likewise with modeling, there are certain types of shoes, boots, tanks, jeans, leggings and undergarments she has consistently needed for her model bag in which we have invested. The larger, more professional shows have required her to develop a “model bag” including the above mentioned items which has been a fantastic, practical and longstanding investment. We never go anywhere without our model bag. While we can’t show what Annaliese will be wearing for her next pageant which will be revealed that weekend, we can share photos of competition clothes in the past. This pageant we have had the honor to work with Elizabeth Delgado who is an incredible designer we met through runway modeling. She has made stunning, custom couture dresses for Annaliese to wear this pageant. It has been dream come true! Please reach out if you have any questions or comments via Annaliese’s professional social media pages (all of which I currently manage until she is of age): Instagram/annaliesearenaofficial and Facebook/


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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVAS }

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } BY THE DIVA’S OF RWO I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

Sager BEER WORKS THE NEW BREW IN TOWN Psst! Have you heard the news? There’s a new brew in town! Stop in at 46 Sager Dr., Suite E and grab one. You can sample quality craft beer or some quality artisan food. The new spot develops and crafts the beers on site. There’s a 5 BBL brewhouse, and a comfortable cozy tap house all located in the Culver/ University (CUE) area. How can you go wrong? The establishment offer ales, stout, lager, pilsner and porters. Enjoy a night out with friends, stop in for date night or plan your next corporate event or meeting. There’s definitely a little something for everyone. Sager Beer Works even showcases local artist’s work. Two special events are coming up at Sager Beer Works, so make sure to save the dates! February 6, 2019, there will be a food and beer pairing dinner series featuring a German Fasching Celebration. You will enjoy 4 Sager beers paired with 4 courses ($40.00). March 6, 2019, the food and beer pairing is a St. Patrick’s feast. The food/beer pairings will take place the first Wednesday of the month starting at 6 pm. Sager Beer Works is owned by Paul

Guarracini and Don Tumminelli. The pair found the perfect location in a century old “industrial building” which possesses that old-world charm aura. The dream started out growing, as they learned their craft doing home brewing. For over five years, Paul worked in the brewing business, while Don managed brew pubs. They are a perfect pair to start their own brewery! Sager Beer Works has 15 developed recipes. Some of the beers offered include: It’s my Jam (New England style IPA), Sager Saxon IPA (German style IPA), King Charles Porter (a London style Porter), No Hype Amber (West Coast Red Ale) and Gearhead Kolsch (Golden Hope Ale). Menu items include flatbread pizza, tacos, crepes, and bison burgers. You can count on having a unique experience, where great memories and a full belly will be what you leave with. The Divas stopped in at Sager Beer Works. What an experience it was! The atmosphere is warm and inviting. There’s bar seating, a cozy corner and restaurant tabling. You can look over and see the area where they brew the beer from your table. It was a very interesting evening. We sat down with the owners Don and Paul, met the executive chef Anthony and even Brent Sager Beer Work’s social media guru. It was immediately noticeable, how dedicated

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } everyone at Sager was and that they all loved what they do. As the evening went on, we were able to observe how friendly Don and Paul were with the customers and they really made everyone feel at home. It was very personable, and they knew most of the people by name. We started out sampling a flight of the home-made beers. Sager also carries wine from a local winery; Living Root. The beers ranged in appearance with differing color, clarity, head retention and lacing. Each presented with a distinctive smell, taste and mouthfeel. We were advised to taste the beers using the Heuristic method, tasting light to dark. The higher alcohol beers are saved for last. Once we knew everything to look at, it made the tasting that much more distinctive. We then went on a tour of the brewery. Paul explained the brewing process and showed us how everything worked. Sager Beer Works brews once a week. Learning how each machine worked and the steps of the process really showed how much the men put into what they do and why the end-product is so superb. they brought out the food! We started with the deviled eggs. These are not your ordinary eggs. There is a weekly flavor at Sager Beer Works. The flavor of the week was Chef Anthony’s “Almost Original Deviled Eggs”. Additionally, the soon to be famous, Sager Beer Works pretzel with the house-made mustard and sweet chipotle sauce. The second course was “The Don” flatbread pizza. This is also a weekly rotating selection. Interestingly, the flatbread was topped with caramelized onion, shaved parmesan cheese, topped with arugula and a poached egg. We then sampled fresh Prince Edward Island mussels cooked with Sager’s Boss Hogg English Strong Ale, garlic and shallots with a pinch of slivered celery and fresh Akura salmon with a sake miso base sauce, topped with a garlic butter sauce. We ordered to go, the Seven Bridges Farm all-natural beef burger and the Wild Side Ranch Grass Fed Bison Burger. Both burgers were on a house made pretzel roll and topped with caramelized beer onions and roasted potatoes. Again, not your average burger! For those who love a contest and or enjoy

watching food consumption challenges, Sager Beer Works has something just for you! Here’s the deal! They have a mega pretzel eating challenge. Buy the mega pretzel for $25. If you can eat it in 15 minutes or less, it’s free and you get a free T-shirt!

DISHING WITH EXECUTIVE CHEF ANTHONY M. POLLINO Diva 2 knew Executive Chef Anthony, so that was a coincidence to start off our culinary experience. Anthony shares he grew up in a large, Italian family and this is where he found his inspiration. His grandmother and mother would spend time with him in the kitchen while preparing family meals. He started off pursuing a career in law enforcement but quickly decided culinary arts was where it was at! Anthony enjoys the freedom and support he gets from owners Don and Paul to express not just their vision, but his own when preparing meals at Sager Beer Works. He strives in creating an experience like-no-other for customers. He loves that Sager Beer Works is much more than just a “brewery”. He feels he’s finally found somewhere where he can showcase his talents as an executive chef. Anthony combines things he learned in his past work experiences with his own desire to give people something they know and are familiar with but “with a twist” He strives for customers to leave thinking, “Wow I didn’t think you could make it this way!” He loves to allow people to try something new.

DIVA’S REPORT Diva 1 (Cheryl L. Kates Esq.) gives Sager Beer a “divalicious” rating. There was not one thing lacking. Sager Beer Works nailed it all. There was a wide selection of both beers and food choices. The menu has something for everyone. What was most rememberable was the distinct flavoring of everything. It is rare for a restaurant to nail it all. There was not one thing we sampled that didn’t

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } The Diva’s stopped in at Sager Beer Works. What an experience it was!

taste good or look great. Our personal preferences did weigh in, but all-in-all there wasn’t one thing we could say or recommend for improvement. It was an overall excellent experience. The customer service was superb. The atmosphere was pleasant and enjoyable. The décor was phenomenal. To be open just shy of a few weeks, Sager really has it all together.

D I VA 2 ( K E L LY BREUER)…

I’m really not one for beer. More of a moscato or mailbu kind of girl. But when Diva 1 calls you and says you are doing a “Dishing With The Diva’s“ report at the all new Sager Beer Works in the University -East Ave area, well you join in on the fun!

The Diva’s got to take a tour behind the scenes, and I even got to crawl up and look into the barrels (which yes was a bit of a choir since I am all of 5’ tall), but it was pretty amazing. The location they built out is beautiful and very warm, friendly, and inviting... and did I mention the food? Oh my god was it amazing! From the mussles (which I personally couldn’t eat), salmon that was mouth watering, the speciality cheese, and my personal favorite the deviled eggs which were like nothing

I had ever tasted before, and finally, a large knotted pretzel with 2 different amazing sauces that we literally could not stop eating. And yes we did all take home some doggie bags. I was the guinea pig of the Diva’s to taste test the beer in what they call a “flight”. My favorite was the lightest colored. The darker it got, the more it smelled like a coffee taste, so I tapped out and handed over the reigns to our photo diva Marisa.

PHOTOGRAPHER MARISA NICODEMUS SHARES:

“This is definitely a hidden gem nestled near Downtown Rochester by Culver/ University. It’s a unique brewery housed restaurant with a beautiful design, and great beer. The food is great too! From burgers to mussels. A great spot to get together with friends, family and you’ll be sure to have a great time. I would highly recommend stopping in for your next night out!”. Like everything in life, the evening had to come to an end. We will forever remember the experience we had at Sager Beer Works, as it was one that was most enjoyable. Definitely, a spot to put on your list of new places to check out. You won’t be disappointed.

The whole experience that evening was really amazing from talking to the owners, to the chef whom I grew up with in Geneva NY, to buying a sweatshirt to take home with the new logo on it along with a paint can filled with my favorite beer selection.

Yup, it was an awesome “Dishing With The Diva’s” and stay tuned for more to come, including a special beer report where the owners talk to us about all the amazing things we need to know about beer and how it is made. We may evenmake our own specialty beer with a Diva’s Nite for our reads, So check back next month for more info!

I for one can’t wait to go back. Who wants to join me? ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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Sager Beer Works is a locally o in high quality craft beer. O unique experience for our c freshest, quality beer, local friendly, welcomi

46 SAGER DRIVE I ROCHESTER, N WWW.SAGERBE


owned brew-pub, specializing Our mission is to provide a customers by producing the l artisan food and a warm, ing environment.

NEW YORK 14607 I (585) 417-5404 EERWORKS.COM


{{ SHIFT+CONTROL QUEEN OF ARTS }}

ALYSSA TRAHAN BY ALYSSA TRAHAN I PHOTOS BY JEFF GEREW

My name is Alyssa Trahan and I am a country singer-songwriter originally from Rochester, NY. Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I remember my dad playing guitar around the house all the time. When I started school, I became heavily involved in the music program as soon as I could. I was in choir, band, musicals and anything that had to do with music. I was also a dancer for 14 years where I not only learned several styles of dance, but taught kids and did some work with Broadway master classes. I never really had a moment where I decided I wanted to be a singer-songwriter, it’s always just been who I am. I remember as a kid I’d randomly get these ideas in my head, melodies and words, and then write them down in notebooks. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was writing songs. I asked my dad to teach me guitar when I was about 11 so I could put music to my lyrics and melodies. He taught me a few chords and I became obsessed. I practiced everyday until I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore and started really writing my own music. My first gig was at an acoustic show my band teacher put on called “Acoustic Coffeehouse” where students came and played basically whatever they wanted. I nervously played an original song of mine and after that, you could say I got the bug for performing! A friend of mine and prominent local musician Don Mancuso invited me to play with him one summer at a recurring gig he had, and that’s what really got the ball rolling. I played with him all summer then started booking my own gigs around town. I played in every coffee 198

shop, restaurant and bar that would have me. I even played in a few bars before I was 18! I also started recording my own music at some recording studios in Rochester, NY as well as on my own. One year I asked my parents if we could go to Nashville, TN for our summer vacation. At that point I knew I wanted to pursue a career in music, and I knew that was the place to be if I was serious. They said yes, and I’m so glad they

did. While we were there, I did an open mic at the Commodore Grille, one of the hotspots for songwriter’s rounds in Nashville. I watched hit writers play their incredible songs with stars in my eyes, then when it was time for the open mic I walked on stage with my guitar and sang my heart out. I was only 15 years old. Our vacation was over before I knew it and we were headed back to Rochester, but I knew I was going to call Nashville home someday. I had never

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felt like I fit in anywhere as much as I did in Nashville. I got a souvenir snow globe which I put right next to my bed, and every night I’d look at it just dreaming of the day I’d make the move to Music City. I really dove into my music after I graduated high school in 2013, making it my full time focus. I wrote as many songs as I could, played as many shows as I could book and started making a career out of it. I even studied music recording at Finger Lakes Community College. Soon I told my parents I wanted to go back to Nashville on a “business trip”. I told them that music was my dream and I wanted to go for it. So, my dad and I drove down to Tennessee on the first of countless trips. While we were there, I met as many people as I could, played every open mic and recorded original music at a few studios in town. Nearly everyone I met told me the same thing...that they loved my music but I had to move to Nashville if I wanted to be successful. The thought of moving so far away was scary, but I knew I had to do it. So in 2016, I did. When I got to Nashville, I just immersed myself in the music community. I wrote with everyone I could, took every meeting I could get and recorded hundreds of demos of original music. After two years, I signed my first publishing deal with Dan Hodges Music, a major publishing house on Music Row. Nashville is considered a “ten year town”, so signing my first deal in just two years was, and still is, surreal. Since making the move, I’ve been very blessed with amazing opportunities. From writing with people who wrote some of my favorite songs to opening for names like Charlie Daniels, Josh Turner, Lee Greenwood, Lee


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“Because I Am a Girl� was written, recorded and released in just a few weeks. The song challenges standards in society and the music industry, specifically country radio where right now there is not a single female artist in the top twenty and very few females heard on the radio, period.�


{ QUEEN OF ARTS } Being in the music industry is definitely not easy. Most of the horror stories you’ve probably heard about it are true. One thing that is definitely true, and that I have learned the hard way, is that the industry is incredibly sexist towards women.

and many more. My songs have been pitched to some of the biggest names in music, I even heard back from Keith Urban himself on a song I wrote that was pitched to him! I’ve also been fortunate enough to work with Skyfall/Sony records on my new music. Being in the music industry is definitely not easy. Most of the horror stories you’ve probably heard about it are true. One thing that is definitely true, and that I have learned the hard way, is that the industry is incredibly sexist towards women. I’ve had men in the industry be very condescending and disrespectful towards me because of my gender. I’ve heard & read countless inappropriate comments. I’ve had label executives and producers tell me they “aren’t looking for a female artist right now” followed by a ‘compliment’ on my looks. I’ve even had people try to talk me out of my career choice simply because it’s “so hard for women” and that maybe I should “consider being in a duo with a male artist”. I’ve met several other female writers & artists in town, and these are things we’ve unfortunately all dealt with. These experiences and what I’ve seen happening in the world around me are what inspired me to write my newest song, “Because I Am a Girl”. I didn’t plan to write this song. It just poured out of me one night. I was in my studio working on other things but this topic was weighing especially heavy on my 202

heart that day. I picked up my guitar and this song was written in under an hour. I sent it to my team, not expecting anyone to like it, but the reaction was unanimous and we decided to do a rush release to get it out as soon as we could. We had a whole other song, and a plan for it all ready to go, but we put it on the backburner. “Because I Am

for better ratings, radio stations should play mainly male artists with a few female artists here and there. Fans and listeners have made it clear they want to hear more women, but the industry will not listen. I’ve been told I’m “brave” to release this song, but I don’t see it that way. I truly believe this is the most important song I’ve ever written, and my hope is that it can make a tiny difference in the world. If a little song I wrote can move us one baby step forward, I can’t think of a better accomplishment. Right now, I’m in the middle of planning out 2019. My team and I are working to release new music as soon as possible and I couldn’t be more excited about it. I feel like I’ve finally found my path, and my sound, and I can’t wait to see where it leads.

a Girl” was written, recorded and released in just a few weeks. The song challenges standards in society and the music industry, specifically country radio where right now there is not a single female artist in the top twenty and very few females heard on the radio, period. There was recently an uproar in the industry and on social media dubbed “Tomatoegate”, where a prominent radio consultant called women the “tomatoes” of country radio while men were considered the main ingredient in a salad. In other words,

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But, no matter where I go and no matter what I do, Rochester, NY will always be home. I’m proud to call Rochester my hometown and will never forget the support and encouragement that helped me get to where I am today!

Reference for Country Airplay top 20: https://www. billboard.com/articles/columns/chart-beat/8488730/ no-women-country-airplay-charttop-20?fbclid=I wAR3wK85p8nIGLXvIP3pJBvTG1tPPYoxQi Xztc1KRatgTt9cNfdBq1gxc_bA


{ HEALTH & WELLNESS }

OUR KIDS & E-CIGARETTES BY SARA BROWN

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW?

juice, vape, pod, JUUL, squonking, etc. all came up and we learned a new vocabulary together.

Sitting around the table at a local restaurant with a group of mom-friends for a “girls night out,” 5 of us were chatting, discussing our kids, who are juniors and in high school, and what’s next for them (and how we are coping with the thought of them leaving for college!).

As parents and members of the community, how concerned should we be about this generation of youth and e-cigarettes? Where do we get accurate information? How concerned should I be if my young adult or youth is vaping? The teens I have talked to seem to think there is no problem. Common answers include, “I’m

One friend takes a cautious breath and says her son’s bedroom has been smelling like watermelon bubble gum, but she thinks it might be an e-cigarette. This comment brings about a rapid succession of responses. It turns out, 3 of the 5 of us have kids who are using e-cigarettes. The responses range from “At least they aren’t smoking!” and “It’s just water vapor and it’s completely harmless.” to “He could get addicted! What are you going to do?” I remember almost two years ago when my son said some of his friends were “vaping” and that it was “just water vapor” and there was “no nicotine”. I pulled out my laptop and performed a quick search to find that more than 99.6% of e-cigarettes do have nicotine. Even products labeled “nicotinefree” or 0% nicotine can contain nicotine since it’s unregulated. At the table, with my friends, terms like mod, drip, coils, 204

not addicted”, “I just enjoy vaping, and everyone is doing it”, “It’s no big deal”, etc. The unfortunate truth is that a large and growing percentage of our youth are using e-cigarettes and becoming newly addicted to nicotine. Recent data from the National Youth Tobacco Survey (NYTS) confirmed what many health advocates have long suspected, and parents fear: that youth use

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of e-cigarettes, including the e-cigarette JUUL, is at epidemic levels. Now, one in five high school students use e-cigarettes, a 78 percent increase from 2017. In 2018, there was also a nearly 50 percent increase in use among middle schoolers. This means more than three and a half million children were using e-cigarettes in early 2018, up 1.4 million from 2017. In Monroe County, the Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that 20% of high school respondents had used e-cigarettes in the past month. These findings are directly in line with the national data and is creating a deep concern among public health officials. The Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control, the American Lung Association, the Surgeon General and many other organizations and health experts have all stated deep concern and advocated for policy-based responses to this epidemic of tobacco addiction among youth. Policy change within the state and federal government can take a long time. We, as parents, can educate ourselves and work locally to help protect our children from being able to access these products. Here are five facts every parent should know about e-cigarettes: • E-cigarettes are unregulated tobacco products. While the FDA now has


{{ {JOURNEY’S BUSINESS SPECIAL SPOTLIGHT FEATURE BY KARIN} }}

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As parents and members of the community, how concerned should we be about this generation of youth and e-cigarettes? Where do we get accurate information? How concerned should I be if my young adult or youth is vaping?


{ SPECIAL FEATURE } As parents, being educated on this issue is the best way to protect our kids from a lifelong and dangerous addiction to nicotine. The second-best thing we can do is advocate within our local communities for tobacco control policies that put the health of our young people first.

authority over e-cigarettes, it delayed a critical review of ingredients and potential harms until 2022 – leaving unregulated products with unknown chemicals that are being inhaled into the lungs – on the market. • Almost all e-cigarettes contain chemicals and toxins, as well as nicotine, which is addictive and alters adolescent brain development, potentially priming the brain for other addictions.

As parents, being educated on this issue is the best way to protect our kids from a lifelong and dangerous addiction to nicotine. The second-best thing we can do is advocate within our local communities

If you know or suspect your teen is using e-cigarettes and you’d like help, reach out to their physician or the American Lung Association, which has several cessation programs that have been proven effective for teens. The Smoking and Health Action Coalition also has resources available and connections to help with educational information and cessation. Check out Instagram @smokefreeus to see if it might encourage your adolescent to quit and inspire them to live their best life. You can reach them at 585-666-1395 for more information. They are available to speak at schools and table at events.

• A recent study by the National Academies of Science, Engineering and Medicine concluded that using e-cigarettes causes health risks and increases the chance that children and youth will start to use combustible tobacco products and exposes others to dangerous secondhand e-cigarette emissions. • The tobacco industry continues to use the tactics they’ve used for decades to market to youth. Advertising by e-cigarette companies increased from $6.4 million in 2011 to $115 million in 2014.7 More than one in two middle and high school students have seen e-cigarette ads in retail stores and two in five have seen online ads for e-cigarettes. • The primary reasons teens use these products is because the candy and fruit flavors are appealing to them, their friends and family are using them, and they think e-cigarettes are less harmful.

that prohibit the sale of tobacco products, including e-cigarettes in pharmacies, raising the age of sale of tobacco products to 21, and amending smoke-free laws to include e-cigarettes. These policies can go a long way to keeping tobacco products out of the hands of our children and safeguarding their lung health. As parents, it’s on us to step up and take action. To get more involved in your communities, visit Lung.org/ Volunteer.

for tobacco control policies that put the health of our young people first. Today, counties across New York (like Erie) – and the across nation – are enacting laws

Here are some other resources: CDC, FDA, American Lung Association, Truth Initiative Sara Brown, Smoking and Health Action Coalition American Lung Association


{ DISHING WITH THE DIVAS }

THE DRIPHOUSE BY CHERYL L. KATES & KELLY BREUER I PHOTOS BY MICHELE ASHLEE

Welcome to DripHouse, New York’s First personal sweat lodge experience. From weight loss and wellness to improved sleep and stress reduction, DripHouse offers an innovative and relaxing detox experience for mind and body. And boy what an experience the Diva’s had! Since first opening their doors, DripHouse has become known as New York’s premier personal sweat lodge experience. Whether you’re new to dripping or a seasoned pro, they work tirelessly to ensure that your experience is safe, sanitary, relaxing and as rewarding as possible.

warming technology; to safely warm the body’s core temperature and encourage healthy, natural sweating. Their facility has been designed to provide an extremely relaxing and inviting atmosphere, allowing you to get the most from every session. I for one slept like a baby that night and could definately tell I released a ton of toxins. Upon entering, the entryway is very “spa like” with big fur chair balls to sit on, pleasant, smiling staff, and just a warm and welcoming environement.

There are so many reasons to drip. Personally I chose to do it for stress releief and muscle tension. Cheryl chose it for easing her fibromyalgia. But, it is also great for toxin release, weight loss, skin health and even sleep, The Diva’s were so excited to speak with the partners Tamera Wilmot, Malisa Lougher and Katie Newberg about all the great benefits the DripHouse has and even about their opening of another location in Buffalo! This trio makes for an unbelievable team and the experience we had was truly amazing. I can’t wait to go back. Well, and also to watch more episodes of “Schitt’s Creek” that ----- got me hooked on while I was wrapped up like a burrito. The DripHouse utilizies the latest far-infrared 212

Once you enter the “DripHouse”, you take off all of your clothing and put on a driphouse sweat suit. The staff then wraps you in the infrared blankets on the beds, places noise cancelling earphones on you, turns on the TV and you are ready to go. Cheryl and I were placed next to each other so we could chitchat a little...well atleast in the beginning. It was so incrtedibly relaxing! You don;t really feel the full effects of the heat until

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about the 45min mark, and then you can feel the sweat dripping from your face, and down your sides. To be honest, at first I thought I wouldn’t be able to last being all wrapped up, but it really wasn’t bad at all. I did feel a knot that was in my shoulder blade release and boy did that feel good. Cheryl states, “I really did not know what to expect when the Divas were scheduled to experience the treatment offered at the Drip House. As a sufferer of fibromyalgia, I was looking forward to the experience, as I suffer from chronic pain and heat is something which generally assists to manage the symptoms I routinely encounter.” It is also winter, so getting warned up is a plus on the cold, wintery, drab days we often have in Rochester, NY. The Drip House is in downtown Pittsford, so it is conveniently located. There is parking available and the atmosphere is serene and comfortable. You start your experience by donning “Drip House” attire including a long-sleeved shirt, sweat pants and socks. When you get in your treatment room, it is set to relax and provide an atmosphere where you can unwind. You lay down on your treatment bed and are wrapped into the little cocoon, where you stay for the next hour. There is a TV and you have the option


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Whether you’re looking to lose weight, reduce stress or improve your overall state of heath, removing stored toxins and environmental constituents is an essential starting point for anyone looking to make a change. We invite you to learn more about DripHouse and the vast health benefits of farinfrared sweat therapy.


{ DISHING WITH THE DIVAS } Does sweating really help burn body fat? You better believe it does. The direct correlation between sweating and weight loss is undeniable, and backed by an extensive history of welldocumented clinical research.

of watching Netflix or listening to music. I generally have a problem being confined or relaxing in this manner, as I am a multitasker. I struggle with anything where I am required to shut down my sensory and am restricted from socializing and/or doing anything. Just chilling, is not what I do on a regular. This was definitely challenging for me. I did need to do that. T he overall experience was positive for me. I 216

did find that it relieved some of the tension I was feeling in my muscles that day. I would recommend checking it out. Stay tuned for more to come about our ongoing advertures at the DripHouse. Make sure you check them out online at www. driphouse.com and when you are booking your first appointment, mention Rochester Woman Online Diva’s and receive a special 2 drip sessions for just $60!

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Plus, for all you Buffalo followers, make sure you go to visit their new location opening soon in Williamsville at 5505 Main St Buffalo, NY 14221.


Intro to Drip Special Pricing 2 Drip sessions for only $60 www.driphouse.com

a personal sweat lodge experience

15 State St I Pittsford (town), New York 14534 (585) 267-7804


{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT }

THE WEDDING DRESS BY NANCY QUIBELL I PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK

The Wedding Dress is an upscale bridal boutique that has been making dress dreams a reality for almost 40 years. Geneseo is a storybook town filled with charm just outside of Rochester. The Wedding Dress Staff strives to form a valued relationship with their customers and their families.

store. The ladies of TWD know it is important to stay current and trendy in the ever changing fashion world. Carrying a wide variety of styles and designers to appeal to each individual bride is a must. Designers at TWD include: Justin Alexander, Lillian West, Sincerity, Allure, Bill Levkoff

Owner, Jessica partnered with her mother Nancy have owned the store for the last 10 years. Jessica started her fashion career studying at the Fashion Institute of Technology i n Ne w Yo r k City. Her NYC experience created a seamless transition into the bridal industry.

We listen to what each unique bride wants and needs to ultimately find her dream gown. There really is a dress for everyone and we feel that with our bridal knowledge, industry expertise and personal touches, we can turn your fantasy into reality. Long sleeves are the rage this season. We love the look of long sleeve bridal gowns. Trends always circle back around and sleeve are making a BIG comeback! We are totally on board!

TWD focuses on bringing big city fashion and fashion forward trends to our intimate bridal salon for an affordable price. Jessica, Nancy and dedicated manager, Kasey, are the bridal gurus behind The Wedding Dress. Each season the three ladies travel to New York Bridal Fashion Week to select the latest bridal collections and decide what looks they will bring into their 218

finish. In addition to bridal gowns we offer alterations, menswear, bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses and accessories. Our brides are given the VIP treatment once they walk through our doors. Each bride to be has their very own bridal suite and personal consultant to assist them with the gowns.

and Sarno & Sons. We feel that a bridal gown search should be more of an experience, rather than just a decision. As a full service bridal boutique we customize your experience right from start to

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Stay Tuned... next month the Diva’s will be taking a trip the Geneseo for Diva #1 and finding her perfect wedding dress!


{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

RMSC-joelle

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THE DRESS... MAKE IT AN EXPERIENCE, NOT A DECISION


{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “I could never thank Jessica & Kasey at The Wedding Dress enough for helping me find my dream wedding gown. From start to finish they provided nothing but exceptional service and are the nicest girls I could have ever asked to work with.”

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Let Us Get You Photoshoot Ready!

32 S. MAIN ST. I PITTSFORD, NY 14534 (585) 383-8482 I WWW.SALONBELLAVITAPITTSFORD.COM


{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

DR JOSE LOPEZ BY CHERYL L. KATES, ESQ. I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

TURNING BACK THE CLOCK Have you heard the latest? Titus Medical Spa in Irondequoit is a treasure trove located in Irondequoit, NY making people feel beautiful, one face at a time! Dr. Jose Lopez shares with RWO from an early age he felt a call to help people in need. He indicates it wasn’t about material gain, but a desire to make a difference in people’s lives. It was a challenge to make people feel better. He started his career in Malaga, Spain in 1988, after graduating from medical school. He started off in emergency medicine. Lopez enjoyed the adrenaline rush of providing services on the spot. He attended patients in acute conditions in their homes, on the road after a motor vehicle accident and on the streets after an overdose. The feeling of acting quickly and obtaining satisfactory responses was very rewarding for him as a person. He then moved to England where he trained in Internal Medicine/Primary Care practices. Subsequently, he moved to the United States, where he began training in Internal Medicine. In 2002, he began working as a primary care physician in Rochester. In 2007, Lopez attended a symposium on laser-based esthetic treatments, which 228

served as the basis of his opening Titus Medical Spa. Jose began to train in lasers, injectables and weight management. He began offering the services to his own patient population and through referrals. He was able to achieve balance in the two practices by starting off slow and avoiding aggressive marketing techniques. His goal was to achieve good results and provide a high level of satisfaction for his clients, all the while limiting the stress

well-being. This holistic approach was providing his clients and patients a whole new way of life. Up until March 2018, he was seeing patients both medically and esthetically by appointment only. He realized he needed support managing his medical practice, so he chose to join RPH, which he was a staff physician member since his beginning in Rochester. It was a great balance for him, his patients and the spa. Lopez built Titus Medical Spa offering tangible benefits in the beauty and medical fields. A variety of injectable procedures that may meet the expectations of the Irondequoit and Rochester areas are offered. TMS offers improved wellness from customized weight control and fitness programs, including nutritional consults and life-style advice.

level, he endured working in two areas. In 2008, Titus Medical Spa was born. Jose bought a house, then demolished it and rebuilt what is now known as “Titus Medical Spa”. Jose liked the concept. His thought was, “Why not?” He did his research and learned there was no medical spa in the area he was looking at. He loved the idea of helping people from different angles, medical esthetic and experiencing an improved overall

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Weight control is very necessary and important in our society and day and age. By controlling weight-related issues, many other potential medical issues are also addressed. Versatile varieties of facial and body treatments which are offered lead to better skin conservation and aging control. This is a holistic approach which aims to make the patient take preventative measures to address their well-being, as a whole. They look better and feel better and this enhances their overall quality of life.


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{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

“This definitely has been an interesting journey. Trying to find a balance between primary care and esthetics is very challenging at times.”

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{{ ASK SHIFT+CONTROL THE DOCTOR }} “Above all, make sure you sleep well and pay attention to the right amount of hydration. Eat balanced and laugh as much as you can!” Dr.’s orders!!!

Jose Lopez was now at the point in his life where he built two successful medical practices, one serving as a primary care physician and one as a medical spa. He shares with RWO, “This definitely was an interesting journey. Trying to find a balance between primary care and esthetics is very challenging at times. It was under the same roof for ten years, but the time came to separate the two practices and move the primary care 232

aspect to its own venue. I’ve always run my practices using the concept of safety first, above everything. I give detailed consideration, to what is the best way I can help my clients. I don’t get into criticizing other spas in the city. I just try to offer an honest, well-done type of service that translates into happy clients. I make sure everyone is on the same page. I take pride in my work and the services I provide at Titus”.

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Dr. Lopez closes with this advice:“Above all, make sure you sleep well and pay attention to the right amount of hydration. Eat balanced and laugh as much as you can!” Dr.’s orders!!!


{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

MIDDLE FINGER 5K BY JENNIFER HARRIS

This year marks the 3rd year of the Middle Finger 5K - a beautiful sunrise run/walk along the north end of Seneca Lake. It is also the largest fundraiser for Thrive To Survive, which is a Geneva based organization that supports adults in treatment for cancer in a variety of physical, emotional and financial ways. Who hasn’t been touched by cancer? Can you help us give cancer a middle finger salute? On May 4, 2019 Thrive To Survive will hold its 3rd annual Middle Finger 5K at Lakefront Park in Geneva, NY. Just as the day begins as a reminder to us all - you have this day - participants will run or walk the fast, flat course. Registrations are in full-swing and our goal is to have over 1000 participants. We are proud to say that 100% of the funds raised go directly to individuals in our communities to help them THRIVE through a difficult diagnosis. Thrive To Survive has served portions of Ontario County for over 6

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years, and recently expanded to include all of Seneca, Yates, and Schuyler counties as well. We hope you will consider grabbing friends and family members, lacing up and joining us for an incredible morning along the lake. You can register here Middle Finger 5K https://runsignup.com/ Race/NY/Geneva/MiddleFinger5K In 2018, Thrive To Survive fulfilled close to 100 emergency financial grants to people who otherwise would not have been able to cover costs associated with their cancer diagnosis. We added new programs based on client need and interest. We partnered with the Geneva Family YMCA and created a 12-week Cancer Recovery Program to our clients in treatment. We partnered with local acupuncture and massage therapists to offer respite care to those in treatment. As we look to 2019, we know we want to continue these programs and more. Our monthly support group meets in Geneva on the first Saturday of the month, and

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is open to all survivors and caregivers. It averages 16 members, which is record setting attendance. We also now offer a breast-cancer specified support group that meets every other month. We will continue our year-round giving programs, cancer comfort bags and are planning another Cancer Recovery Program to start in the spring. With Middle Finger 5K success this year, we plan to expand our reach again! We need your help to continue these important services because they change lives. One recipient told us they cashed their emergency grant and asked the teller to give them all $20 bills. In doing so, each day when they go for radiation, they “now have the means to cover the daily $20 co-pay”. We expect to sell out again as we did in the first two years of the event. TTS depends on the contributions of our friends and contacts in the business community for support. We are offering a great opportunity for you to align with a unique event and a very worthwhile cause.


{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

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The name comes from Seneca Lake being the middle Finger Lake as well as metaphorically telling cancer where it can go!

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{ BE BALANCED }

INSULIN RESISTANCE BY MICHAEL QUATEART

AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT INSULIN RESISTANCE AND YOUR HORMONES. Insulin resistance has become a huge problem in our culture and it can lead to myriad of chronic health problems. Since insulin is a hormone, and all hormones communicate with each other, increased insulin levels disrupt every other hormone system in your body. When insulin isn’t doing its job, it’s nearly impossible to reduce the associated symptoms including; weight gain, difficulty losing weight, low energy levels, brain fog, food cravings, sleep issues, hot flashes, and night sweats.

by our cells, which can lead to major health problems. If you have insulin resistance, your cells will have trouble absorbing this glucose, and your body will require more insulin to function properly. In the United States, an estimated 60 to 70 million individuals are affected by insulin resistance. Statistics report that more than 40% of individuals older than 50 years may be at risk for insulin resistance; however, it can affect anyone at any age.1 Many health experts also believe that insulin resistance has a major role in the development of the metabolic syndrome.2

What is insulin?

Insulin is a hormone produced by your pancreas, and it plays an important role in metabolism. After you eat, your digestive system breaks down the foods you eat – mainly carbohydrates – into glucose, or sugar, which is then released into your bloodstream. With the help of the hormone insulin, glucose can absorb into the cells of your body to be used for energy or storage. Insulin is also important because it stops sugar from accumulating in your bloodstream. The more you eat, the more insulin your body releases to regulate your blood sugar and keep it within a healthy range.

What is insulin resistance?

If our bodies are constantly over producing insulin to combat the effects of excess sugars, carbohydrates and stress, our cells stop responding, or become resistant to insulin. When this happens, too much sugar stays in the blood and builds up, instead of being used 240

Insulin resistance plays a significant role of other serious medical conditions as well, including obesity, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, dyslipidemia, cardiovascular disease, and even certain cancers.3 The growing obesity epidemic in the United States continues to escalate the number of individuals at risk for developing insulin resistance, even in children. Insulin resistance has also been linked to polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).4 Current studies suggest that 50% to 70% of women with PCOS have some degree of insulin esistance.5

Symptoms of insulin resistance: 1. High blood sugar levels

2. Fatigue, and sleepiness, especially after meals

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3. Brain fogginess and inability to focus 4. Weight gain, fat storage, difficulty losing weight 5. High blood pressure 6. Increased cravings Possible causes of insulin resistance and the hormone connection. Obesity, imbalanced hormones, unnecessary thyroid replacement therapy, over the counter and prescription drugs, lack of physical activity, chronic stress, lack of sleep, as well as an over consumption of sugars, carbohydrates, alcohol, and insufficient amounts of protein and fats all contribute to insulin resistance. High insulin levels in women leads to increased testosterone which throws estrogen out of balance. Increased insulin also leads to increased adrenaline and cortisol levels, which will cause the body to deplete progesterone, leaving your body estrogen dominant. Progesterone helps to balance blood sugar as opposed to estrogen which over stimulates the pancreas. When the pancreas is being over stimulated by estrogen in the blood you can become insulin resistant, even if you are exercising and eating all the right foods – making it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to lose weight.

Ways to significantly improve or possibly reverse insulin resistance:

The good news is, insulin resistance may be reduced or even completely reversed with simple lifestyle measures. These include exercise, eating healthy, losing weight, quitting smoking, balancing your hormones and taking


{ BE BALANCED } Insulin resistance has become a huge problem in our culture and it can lead to myriad of chronic health problems.

LOSE WEIGHT

According to the Obesity Society, losing just 5 to 10 percent of your body weight can help prevent or delay the progression of type 2 diabetes. Clients on our Becoming Balanced weight loss program lose an average of 1522 pounds* in just one month. Our program will not only help you lose weight, but with the assistance of our hormone balancing diet, supplements, relaxation program, and continual support, you will balance your blood sugar helping to improve your mood, sleep, and keep the weight off for good.

E AT A B LO O D S U G A R BALANCING DIET

The glycemic index measures and ranks various foods by how much they cause blood sugar levels to rise. Research shows that following a low glycemic index diet decreases fasting blood sugar levels. Avoid or eliminate anything high on the glycemic index such as refined white sugar, white breads and pastas, soda, etc. Use fresh ingredients and avoid processed foods. When you fill your plate with colorful, whole foods that are minimally processed and low

GI, they work to lower your blood sugar levels and avoid spikes. Some examples include: meats fish eggs nuts and seeds leafy greens non-starchy vegetables apples grapefruit legumes sweet potatoes quinoa

MANAGE STRESS

When you’re under stress, your body produces higher amounts of cortisol. This hormone can make your muscles and cells resistant to insulin, resulting in higher blood sugar. Research shows that managing stress through meditation and exercise can also help to lower blood sugar levels.

QUIT SMOKING

Giving up cigarettes may also reverse insulin resistance. Nicotine can cause your body to produce extra glucose, which makes it harder to control your blood sugar level.

EXERCISE

Exercise helps cells in your muscles take up more glucose to use it for energy and tissue

repair while lowering blood sugar. Regular exercise also makes cells more responsive to insulin and helps prevent resistance.

GET YOUR ZZZ’S

A lack of sleep can raise stress and appetite hormones (cortisol and gherlin) that make you hungry and can have a similar effect to insulin resistance. Sleep helps reduce the amount of sugar in your blood. Getting adequate sleep each night is an excellent way to help keep blood sugar levels at a normal level.

HYDRATE

Drinking enough water prevents dehydration and helps the kidneys remove extra sugar from the body in the urine. We recommend half your body weight in ounces.

USE OUR BEBALANCED N AT U R A L H O R M O N E BALANCING CREAMS

The Pro Plus cream will supply your body with natural progesterone which will balance out estrogen, so the pancreas won’t be overstimulated. Progesterone also helps to

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{ BE BALANCED } If our bodies are constantly over producing insulin to combat the effects of excess sugars, carbohydrates and stress, our cells stop responding, or become resistant to insulin.

balance blood sugar on its own. The Soothe Stress cream gives the body the building blocks to make cortisol so that the body isn’t stealing its valuable progesterone and helps repair your adrenal glands from chronic stress. Until you balance your hormones and lower your stress levels, you will continue to have difficulties balancing your blood sugar, even with diet and lifestyle changes. By using the BeBalanced creams together, your body will have the building blocks it needs to balance your hormones, your blood sugar and help you combat stress naturally without any negative side effects like synthetic hormone therapy. When your hormones are balanced not only will your blood sugar stabilize, but your mood, sleep, and energy levels will also improve.

SUPPLEMENT YOUR BODY WITH BESTEADY

BeSteady is a professional grade supplement containing a unique blend of vitamins, minerals and herbs to support blood sugar levels and enhance fat burning. The extra support of BeSteady can help combat excess

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stress, heavy metals in the body, excess weight, while helping to maintain healthy blood sugar levels. BeSteady contains: Thiamin, Niacin, Biotin, Chromium, Fenugreek Seed Extract, Bitter Gourd Extract, Gymnema sylvestre Extract, and Vanadium. Chromium and Vanadium are trace minerals that support blood sugar levels.* Fenugreek and Bitter Gourd have been long used to support blood sugar balance. Gymnema sylvestre is a tropical plant that means “destroyer of sugar” that has been used in India to treat diabetes for over 2000 years.* *These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You are not alone! These lifestyle changes paired with the BeBalanced weight loss program and our hormone balancing supplementation can help prevent and even reverse insulin resistance, improving your mood, sleep, cravings, sleep, hot flashes/night sweats, and allow for efficient

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fat burning. For more information about how Natural Hormone Balancing could help you live your best life, or to find out more about our programs, creams, supplements and more, contact us today!

References: 1. About diabetes. American Heart Association website. www.heart.org/HEARTORG/Conditions/Diabetes/ AboutDiabetes/AboutDiabetes_UCM_002032_Article. jsp. Accessed August 29, 2012. 2. Mathur R. Insulin resistance and the use of metformin: effects on body weight. Bariatric Times. 2011;8(1):10-12. 3. Olatunbosun ST. Insulin resistance. Medscape website. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/122501-overview. Accessed August 30, 2012. 4. Futterweit W. A Patient’s Guide to PCOS: Understanding and Reversing Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company; 2006. 5. Polycystic ovary syndrome. United States Department of Health and Human Services website. www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/upload/PCOS_ booklet.pdf. Accessed August 28, 2012.


{ THE CENTERSTAGE }

“THE HITMAKERS” BY RALPH MERATO

LEGENDARY MOVIE CRITIC JACK GARNER TO WRITE “THE HIT MAKERS” MUSICAL As JCC CenterStage Theatre’s Artistic Director I didn’t intentionally set out to create a Rochester phenomenon. About 6 years ago, I had staged a musical tribute show dedicated to the music of Burt Bacharach and Hal Davis and read about the infamous music created at New York’s Brill Building in Manhattan. The next year I created an original musical review called The Hit Factory, which told the story of those artists including Bacharach/ David, Carol K i n g , Pa u l Simon, and many others. The show was so popular it inspired a sequel and our popular music series was born. We changed the title to Hit Makers, and each year we explore the history of popular music with a diverse group of singers and narration that puts the music in context.

The series has become so popular that CenterStage needed to expand the performance schedule to accommodate demand. This year’s incarnation, Hit Makers: The British are Coming was an obvious outgrowth of the narrative of the previous shows. It was the British invasion that killed the popularity of the Brill Building model of pop music, as musicians started writing

and singing their own tunes rather than waiting for producers to assign random songs to random singers and control their fate. The past three years the shows have alluded to the impact of the Brits, so

we knew it was time to finally take a closer look at those artists and their music. The show includes the music of The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Buddy Holly, Cream, and The Kinks. We also hit some of the American copy-cats like The Monkees and The Playboys. I was talking about the project with Democrat and Chronicle columnist and retired film critic Jack Garner and he started telling me what songs I “must” include along with some interesting facts I was unaware of. Right there, on the spot, I asked him if he would like to write the show this year and he jumped at it. Although he has written reviews, articles and books, this will be his first play. T h e s h o w ’s narrative explores not only the music itself, but also cultural and social impact of the British invasion. As we hear these great songs, we talk about the way they influenced fashion, politics, and social issues. Before rock ‘n’ roll, popular music was predominantly the music of adults. Rock music changed that, but


{ THE CENTERSTAGE }

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{ THE CENTERSTAGE } The show’s narrative explores not only the music itself, but also cultural and social impact of the British invasion. As we hear these great songs, we talk about the way they influenced fashion, politics, and social issues.

but it was the British invasion that truly cemented the role of pop music as a definitive force in youth culture. Songs will be performed by nine singers with choreography and visual projections to help tell the story. Many of the songs will be very traditional in their approach and sound exactly like the recordings, while others will be reinterpreted. For example, having powerhouse singer Janine Mercandetti sing House of the Rising Sun brings a new perspective when sung with a female voice. Songs by The Beatles and The Monkees will be performed by our own four young lads with with equally amazing voices. Hit 246

Makers: The British Are Coming opens February 2 and runs thru February 17 with performances on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 7 PM, Saturdays at 2 PM and 8 PM, and Sundays at 2 PM. Grab a group of friends and enjoy a rockin’ good time. THE HIT MAKERS: THE BRITISH ARE COMING FEBRUARY 2-17, 2019 Written by Jack Garner Directed by Esther Winter and Ralph Meranto Musical Arrangements by Casey Filiaci * Saturday, February 2 at 8pm

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* Sunday, February 3 at 2pm * Wednesday, February 6 at 7pm * Thursday, February 7 at 7pm * Saturday, February 9 at 8pm * Sunday, February 10 at 2pm* * Wednesday, February 13 at 7pm* * Thursday, February 14 at 7pm * Saturday, February 16 at 2pm * Saturday, February 16 at 8pm * Sunday, February 17 at 2pm *Live Open Captioned Performance Tickets: www.jcccenterstage.org<http://www. jcccenterstage.org/> (585) 461-2000


FEBRUARY

2-17

Sponsored by Debby Goldman

ALL NEW SHOW The musical and cultural impact of the British Invasion is explored in a rockin’ new show featuring songs by The Stones, The Who, The Beatles, The Hollies, The Kinks, Petula Clark, Dusty Springfield and more. Democrat and Chronicle columnist Jack Garner joins the creative team to explore the Brits that dominated the pop charts...and how musicians and record companies on our shore fought back.

• Saturday, Feb 2 at 8pm • Sunday, Feb 3 at 2pm • Wednesday, Feb 6 at 7pm • Thursday, Feb 7 at 7pm • Saturday, Feb 9 at 8pm • Sunday, Feb 10 at 2pm* • Wednesday, Feb 13 at 7pm* • Thursday, Feb 14 at 7pm • Saturday, Feb 16 at 2pm • Saturday, Feb 16 at 8pm • Sunday, Feb 17 at 2pm *Live Open Captioned

Written by Jack Garner, Musical Arrangements by Casey Filiaci Directed by Esther Winter and Ralph Meranto Reserved Seating $33

|

JCC Member: $29

|

Student: $20

jccenterstage.org | (585) 461-2000 1200 Edgewood Avenue, Rochester, NY 14618


20% OFF

ALL SERVICES


{ IN HER OWN WORDS }

ADDICTION THROUGH A MOTHER’S EYES BY NICOLE CZUDAK

June 30th, 2014 was the day I met the devil. His name was Addiction. This is the story of my journey as the mom of a heroin addict. It was a warm, sunny day in June which happened to be my birthday when I got the phone call that would change our lives forever. I don’t even remember driving to the hospital. I raced down the emergency room corridors hearing noise but everything seemed muffled and it felt as though the walls were closing in on me and I could barely breathe. I knew I was getting closer as I could hear her screaming. It was a scream I was unfamiliar with. It shook me to my core. As I rounded the corner I saw a sight that will never leave my mind. My beautiful 19 year old daughter Gianna was in leather restraints being held down by the medical staff as they were attempting to help her regain control. Our eyes met and they locked. I moved closer to her and tried to hold her hand. She became increasingly aggressive and screamed even louder. She looked at me with these eyes I have never seen before and she screamed in my face, “Mom, I am a heroin addict!” I started to shake uncontrollably and a nurse asked me if I needed to sit down. I wasn’t able to respond at first. I felt like I couldn’t even form a word and I just gave her this blank look. She walked with me outside of the room and asked if she could call someone for me and I shook my head no. The police officer was still there filing a report as my daughter was brought in under mental hygiene arrest. I asked him where he picked her up from. He proceeded to tell me and at that very moment something came over me. It was this adrenalin rush I had never been acquainted with before. I remember running out of the emergency room as fast as I could and proceeded to get in my car and drive. I can’t say that I remember the details of the ride. I remember thinking what I would do when I arrived at my destination. Moments later I was sitting in the driveway of the drug house they pulled my daughter from. I had no fear as I raced to the door where madness was taking place inside. This is where the devil lived I thought and I had to face him. I banged on every door and every window. I could hear voices but 250

nobody was answering. I was screaming at the top of my lungs to open the door or I would smash every window to get in. Finally a young man answered the door and smirked at me like this was some joke. I threw him against the door and yelled my daughter’s name in his face over and over again. I told him don’t you ever come near my daughter again. They acted like they didn’t know her. I felt like I was losing my mind at this moment. I had this uncontrollable rage racing through my body and it was completely taking over my judgment. I realized I was now at war with this enemy…addiction. How did I fail my daughter? What did I miss? These are questions that I asked myself over and over again. I had so much guilt and shame. How can this be happening to her? Gianna was raised in a middle class community where she was actively involved in school activities. I also volunteered as much as I could and became her cheerleading coach. I was at every practice, game, competition, concert and recital. How did this happen? I couldn’t grasp the idea that my beautiful daughter was now struggling with heroin. Gianna struggled with anxiety at an early age and started to experiment with marijuana at the age of 13. When I first found out I was extremely upset and then I thought maybe this was just a phase and it would pass. I soon realized that this was definitely not a phase and that my daughter needed help. She received counseling from several different providers but it seemed as though nothing was helping her. It continued to be a downward spiral and I didn’t know how to stop it. She was skipping school so I placed her on a PINS (Persons in Need of Supervision) petition. This is a written request asking the family court to get involved when other efforts have failed. It seemed to help for a little while but unfortunately the system is so saturated with many cases and there were not enough resources to provide consistent help and eventually my daughter fell through the cracks. I had meetings at the school every week to help keep her on track. The faculty at her school provided a lot of

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support to all of us but she still struggled. It seemed the harder I worked the more she went the other way. The more rules that were put in place she found a way to break each and every one of them. Gianna did manage to graduate high school and for that I was very grateful. After Gianna graduated things just progressed with her drug use and I was starting to become fearful of how this was affecting my younger daughter and my stepson. She was bringing “friends” home that I didn’t know or feel comfortable having in my home. she neglected to follow any of my rules and home became such a hostile environment. I searched her room on a daily basis and would find pills and drug paraphernalia. I decided to contact the police and they told me I could file a report but because the drugs weren’t physically on her there wasn’t anything they could do. They also told me that because she was a resident in the home legally she could have anyone in the house regardless of my rules. I couldn’t believe what I heard. My daughter could have anyone in the house and drugs in her room and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. This was complete insanity. I felt so powerless over this situation and felt I had nowhere to turn. I continued to find drugs in her room and I filed a police report every single time. I knew I needed to keep a record because if anything were to happen I needed to have evidence that I cried out for help. The situation became worse and I was faced with one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make. I had to evict Gianna from our home. I had no other choice at this point as I needed to protect my other children. This left me completely broken. I felt paralyzed by the fear of losing my child to this awful disease. How can I continue to help her when she will no longer be living with me? I decided I needed help for myself. I needed to know what I should be doing so that I could help my daughter in the best way possible. I took a family leave of absence from work so I could completely focus on how to help her. I learned everything I could about each drug that was on the street. I learned about the physiology of addiction, the symptoms,


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ IN { SHIFT+CONTROL HER OWN WORDS} } She looked at me with these eyes I have never seen before and she screamed in my face, “Mom, I am a heroin addict!”

treatment, withdrawal and the resources in our community. I called several rehab and detox centers in our community and was astounded at what I learned. There was only one medical detox facility at that time in our community with an average waiting list of up to 2 weeks and that was also the average wait time for inpatient rehab centers. The average length of stay for inpatient was only 2 weeks. I was also told my daughter couldn’t qualify for outpatient rehab at that time because she was addicted to opioids and benzodiazepines and it was too much of a risk for outpatient therapy. When both of those classifications of drugs are used together it carries a very high risk of overdose and they require inpatient supervision. I understood this but in the meantime my daughter could die while she is on the waiting list for inpatient treatment. I was so frustrated at the lack of resources in our community along with the many barriers. I shared all of this information with my daughter and expressed the need for her to get help immediately. It took her a couple of months and then she finally agreed to go to treatment. Over the next couple of years Gianna was in and out of treatment with several relapses in between. I was becoming desperate and filled with such despair. I actually started to plan her funeral in my head. I had to accept the reality that I may lose her to this disease. I lived in a state of anxiety 24 hours a day. I was always on the edge of my seat waiting for that phone call. Unfortunately that phone call came. Gianna overdosed at her grandmother’s house in the basement. I spoke with the EMT who stated that she had a pulse but was not breathing upon arrival. They administered Narcan which saved her life. She was being brought by ambulance to the hospital where I worked. I waited in the emergency room for what felt like

hours anticipating her arrival. I had been a nurse for 20 years but wasn’t prepared to see my own child. The doors opened and there she was hooked up to the IV and monitors. I was so relieved to see her. She was slightly incoherent but she was stable. I rushed to her side and held her and thanked God for saving her. She started to cry and said she was ready to go back to treatment. The vicious cycle continued as she was put on a waiting list again. While she was on the waiting list she relapsed yet again and lost her place on the waiting list. She was required to go to the detox facility first and then get placed back on the waiting list for the inpatient facility. The problem was that the detox center had a waiting list of approximately 10 days. My daughter could die during those 10 days. I became so angry at this point. I called the detox center and asked to speak with the director. I was transferred to her voicemail where I left several messages with no return call. This was so unacceptable to me. I proceeded to drive to the detox center and demanded to see the director face to face. She needed to see the face behind the desperate messages. She needed to look into the eyes of a mother who was fighting to save her child’s life. I realize I was one of many desperate mothers making the same plea but I couldn’t just sit by and wait. Gianna received a bed within 24 hours at the detox center and then after her treatment there she was transferred to an inpatient facility. Gianna managed to stay sober for only a short time and I once again received that call. Gianna had overdosed again. As I left the hospital this time I drove to a church near my house. I felt defeated by this disease. I was lost and scared and so alone. I laid on the ground under a tree and I was curled up in a fetal position and I screamed as loud as I could. I cried and begged God to help me save my daughter.

I pleaded for Him to send me a sign and guide me to do the right thing for her. I felt we were out of options. There weren’t enough resources in our community and the treatment needed to be longer than 2 weeks. I was connected through a Facebook support group called Tranquility of Hope where I had been reading about some treatment centers in Florida. I did some research within in 24 hour period and found a facility that sounded reputable. I spoke with other parents who sent their children there and had good outcomes .Gianna agreed to go and she was on a plane the next day. I was so afraid to send her off on her own but I knew she would die if she stayed here so it was a chance that had to be taken. Gianna did well and completed the program which was about 45 days and then with some encouragement she decided to stay in sober living and continue treatment. The staff at this facility was just incredible. We all received so much support. I was included in on many therapy sessions via phone conference and was given additional support when I needed it. Gianna completed the program and came back home and it seemed as though she was doing well and had set some goals. She had a lot of support around her and continued outpatient therapy at home. As time went on I could see her starting to slip into behaviors I recognized very quickly. Once again she relapsed. I didn’t know how much more I could take. She agreed to go back to Florida for a 30 day treatment program. She successfully completed the program again and came home for the holidays. She overdosed shortly after the holidays again. She went back to detox one more time. She finally told me she hit rock bottom. Upon her discharge I decided to let her move back in with me. I was very nervous about bringing her back into our home as I needed to keep my other children safe.

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{ IN HER OWN WORDS } “How did I fail my daughter? What did I miss? These are questions that I asked myself over and over again. I had so much guilt and shame. How can this be happening to her?”

Over the years since I evicted Gianna I maintained strong boundaries with her. I had to learn the difference between enabling and supporting her addiction. This was not always easy to do. I had to maintain a balance of holding on and letting go. I had to detach from her on an emotional level to some degree so I could be as objective as possible which would help me to do the right thing to help her. She knew she needed to follow the rules. If she was unable to do that and started to use again she would not be able to stay. I was trying to stay hopeful and I helped her get things into place for her outpatient treatment program. She signed release forms so I could get her urine screen results. I went to her appointments with her and her counselor stayed in contact with me. Time passed and I was becoming more hopeful. I could see her rebuilding her relationship with her sister and stepbrother. I could see her feeling better about herself. I was so afraid to get too hopeful as I had been on this rollercoaster for so long and I knew she was always one decision away from a relapse or an overdose. She started working part time and little by little started gaining self-confidence. I kept my guard up and constantly looked at her pupils, listened for slurred speech and checked her arms for track marks. I knew the reality of this disease all too well by now. I didn’t want to get too comfortable and miss a sign that she had relapsed. We continued to work together as a team towards her ongoing sobriety. She lived with me for almost a year and during that time became pregnant. I was devastated when I heard the news. She was in no way ready to be a mother and what if she relapsed during her pregnancy. This poor child could be born an addict and I couldn’t even imagine that. The thought 254

of raising another child overwhelmed me especially under these circumstances. I put my faith in God and realized he brought us this far and I have to trust He knows what He is doing. I stayed strong and stood by my daughter as we prepared for this child. I could see Gianna coming back to life each and every day. She was getting stronger. She continued to go to outpatient treatment as well as some AA meetings. She moved into her own apartment and was preparing for the birth of her son. I saw her healing and I was really embracing it all. I let my guard down a little and tried to have more faith that she wouldn’t relapse. On March 20th, 2018 she delivered a healthy baby boy named Jovanni. She bonded with him immediately and seemed to know exactly how to take care of him. I have watched her blossom since his birth. He has given her such a sense of purpose. I now thank God for this little blessing as he has brought so much joy into our lives after so much pain and devastation. February 6th will be two years Gianna has been in recovery with no relapses. I have become hopeful in this battle. I remind my daughter to never get too comfortable because the disease will always be there and it’s important to recognize the symptoms early and treat them immediately. Throughout our journey this disease has taken from us but it has also given us so much. It has given us strength we never knew we had. It has made us realize just how fragile life can be. We learned to hang on to hope when it all looked so hopeless. We learned to fight like hell and not give up. We learned to persevere through the madness of this disease. Most importantly we learned to share our story. We own our story and we are not ashamed of it. We have realized that we can’t help others by

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

staying silent. Our hope is to encourage others to stay strong and keep fighting. As long as there is breath there is hope. I am proud of our journey and it’s a part of who we are now. I will probably never stop checking my daughter’s pupils or looking for track marks. That’s just how it is now. I will never let my guard down completely or get too comfortable. I always want to make sure I am ready to battle again if needed. Addiction is a disease but there are definitely choices in addiction.


{ DISHING WITH THE DIVAS }


{ AN RWO MAKEOVER } BY EMILY CHEN I PHOTOS BY MICHELE ASHLEE

Ellen’ s MAKEOVER Haircut:

Emily Chen, Brooks & Harlow Salon’s Owner, Master Stylist & International Platform Artist for Thermafuse. Emily on Ellen’s Haircut transformation: I’ve been doing Ellen’s hair for over a decade. She has always loved rocking a short, edgy haircut! After chemo, she had to wait about 9 months for her hair to grow back, and for the fringe area to grow out long enough to work into a new style. We went with a razored pixie cut to highlight and bring attention to her beautiful bone structure & features! When we finished her haircut, I looked at her like “oh my goodness... you’re back! The Ellen I’ve always known is back, and her fierceness is in full force!”. This is why I love my job. This is why I do what I do for a living. Having the opportunity to make somebody feel beautiful; to be that light in somebody’s day, is truly a privilege, and something I’m grateful for every single day.

Megan on doing Ellen’s Makeup & brow sculpting: I think what inspired me most was Ellen’s natural bone structure & her full, perfectly sculpted brows. That was the first step in her makeover - brow sculpting. I wanted to bring attention to her eyes! Her makeup look was an all-out glam cranberry smoky look. Once we applied her foundation and emphasized her cheek bones using a contouring technique, I wanted to take it there and do a warmer toned Smokey look. I feel like Ellen’s skin tone, vibe & personality could handle an intense, bold eye look. My application process was really just complimenting her natural features. We ended up choosing a bold lip as well. I felt like it just brought the look full circle. In one of her inspiration pics for her hair, the person in the picture was rocking a bold lip, and I think Ellen’s personality, her natural bone structure and edgy haircut, all called for a bold look. She is a fierce brave beautiful person, and I think the makeup look exemplifies all of that.

Makeup:

Done by: Megan Shapiro, Brooks & Harlow Salon’s MUA | Lash & Brow Guru

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{ AN RWO MAKEOVER }

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She is an absolutely wonderful woman & a single mother and I really just wanted to give back. She deserves it.


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hair | lashes | waxing

7375 State Route 96 S300 Victor, NY 14564 (585) 398-8045

@BrooksAndHarlowSalon /BrooksAndHarlowSalon

www.brooksandharlow.com


{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION STARTER KIT BY ALANA CAHOON

Happy New Year! It’s time to celebrate! Noise makers are clanking and honking. Champagne is being poured. Lips are kissing. And toasts are being made. … And then, you wake up. THE MORNING after New Year’s Eve is the day when reality sets in. You may or may not examine the prior year determining what went right and what went wrong. You may or may not create a list of New Year’s Resolutions.

This accomplishment comments on how great you look! And why not. It’s important to look and feel great. When you do, everyone around you gets to feel your joy. You may want to share tips with others, including how to book an appointment with your new hairstylist. 3.) My son / daughter / niece graduated!

I thought I’d make it easy for you and get you started. Here are your lists! Feel free to print them and post them on your fridge or mirror or desk. Wherever you will see them on a regular basis! And by all means, feel free to change them and make them your own. MY(YOUR) LIST ACCOMPLISHMENTS 1.) I survived 2018

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Whether you received a Bonus, a Raise, or an Award for your work, be sure to recognize it as an achievement. Reflect on all forms of recognition. Thank-you’s, Letters of Recommendation, and a good ol’ fashion ‘Good Job!’ are worth celebrating.

This is not as hard as you may think. Meditating can be as simple as closing your eyes and listening to the sounds around you. Go ahead and try it right now. Easy, right? I’ll bet you didn’t notice all the sounds around you. Like the children playing outside, the music playing upstairs, or the appliance humming behind you.

As a subset of #1 on your list, you may want to add something like this:

 OK, so I gained a few pounds but I know how to take them off.  I didn’t like that guy anyway. On a more Positive note … 2.) I got a great new haircut!

6.) Recognition of my work

MY YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS - INTENTIONS 1.) Develop a MEDITATION practice

Hey! There’s nothing wrong with admitting that there may have been some challenges along the way. In fact, how are you supposed to learn from their lessons if you don’t examine them? Most importantly, you don’t want to repeat them.

 The stock market may have plunged, but I’m still standing.

Yes! Things can be found. Drawers open and close with ease. And you love the colors! A functioning house brings ease into your life.

Now is the time to list your resolutions. But I prefer to call them ‘Intentions’ Here we go.

OF

 I may have missed a few deadlines but I got the job done!

5.) Renovation of kitchen

It’s Important to celebrate the success of our loved ones. Sharing their joy brings joy into your life. It’s also a healthy response that instills trust, love & fun in relationships.

It’s amazing how much we miss in life. Like our accomplishments! We live in a very fast-paced world. ‘Meditate’ can be your new year’s phrase along with ‘Stop & Smell the Roses’.

4.) We traveled to my dream city

2.) Get FIT

Seeing the world may be on your list of things to do. Making it happen is an accomplishment. List it.

Whether this means losing weight, toning your muscles or supporting your cardiovascular system, getting fit ought to be on top of your list.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019


BY ALANA CAHOON


This doesn’t mean you need to go it alone. Join a gym, a class, or a group. Find a suitable means that works for you.

eat all come into play. It’s a program of self discovery and self mastery. You’ll receive nutrition tips, along with yoga & exercises.

Some people prefer to work out on their own. If that’s you, get yourself a bike or two. One for indoors and one for outdoors. If my 91 year old father can ride his indoor cycle once a day, so can you!

There is an online program this year in addition to the program held at Grow 2 B U Studios. We would LOVE to have you join us! Send me a line at alana@alanacahoon. com to get more details.

On the other hand, if you enjoy being around people, let them motivate you. There are all kinds of activities from sports teams to yoga studios to hiking groups to participate in.

3.) Practice GRATITUDE

INTRODUCING: BODY MIND CONNECTION This is a program I’ve developed to help people lose weight in a healthy manner. You guessed it, Mindfulness Training is an integral part. You learn what your food triggers are. In essence, you’ll discover what your unique eating patterns are and why. What you eat, why you eat and where you 268

I’ll bet you didn’t know that the simple art of giving thanks helps to boost your immune system, heal past wounds, and create an atmosphere of happiness. And when you think about it, that’s the key. Happiness. It’s what we are all craving. Offer thanks. Do it now. For the roof over your head, the food on your table, and the loved ones in your life. 4.) BELIEVE in My Self Trust that you can and you will! What

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you believe in usually comes true. And if that’s true, just think how much power you have! With one statement, you can create miracles, achieve goals, and live a happy life. Here are a few ideas:  I now have loving harmonious relationships!  I have all the money I need and then some!  I am healthy and fit!  I love my job!  I am living my purpose!  I am glad to be alive! Here’s your ‘Starter Resolution Kit.’ Now it’s Your Turn to add to it and make it your own. May 2019 be your year to dream! Alana Cahoon is Creative Coach & Founder of Grow 2 B U, LLC, leading professionals to bring balance, joy & prosperity to their lives. Details on her Weight Loss & Body Image program, Body Mind Connection can be found at www.AlanaCahoon.com


{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT }

CBD BEST OIL BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE

CBD Best Oil is a excellent locally owned and operated business by Glenna Colaprete-Hudson. This experienced and fantastic CBD Business was established in 2016, with the mission to create high quality, pure, full spectrum CBD products The owner and CEO, Hudson was working full time for Verizon Headquarters as an executive leader and strategist in RF Engineering with the generation of new and innovative products. Hudson holds her masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in business from RIT, 4+ technology patents and develops new CBD products all while maintaining hands-on support to her husband and three children. She also co-leads Mothers for Others and Student M&M Service Projects @ McQuaid High School and Mercy High School, where two of her children attend. Hudson got into this business in order to find holistic and natural alternatives to her chronic nerve pain and inflammation. Since then, she has successfully treated her pain, her kids chin splints, shoulder postoperative pain (without opioids) along with numerous friends and extended familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anxieties, ailments and diseases. CBD Best Oil was launched in February of 2016 and she has since retired from Verizon and now is selling across the country as well as locally, full-time. CBD Best Oil hemp is derived from two Colorado Springs Farms under the 270

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{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT } CBD Best Oil hemp is derived from two Colorado Springs Farms under the Colorado Department of Agriculture Industrial Hemp Program so it’s regulated from seed to sale.

Colorado Department of Agriculture Industrial Hemp Program. So it’s regulated from seed to sale. She has personally developed the CBD Best Oil branding (logo and labeling), website, literature, formulation assistance and the development of their wide product line of lotions, tinctures (300mg - 2000 mg), salves, anti-aging beauty and eye creams and capsules for both human and pets @ https://cbdbestoil.com. CBD stands for Cannabidiol, which is one of many naturally occurring phytocannabinoids found in cannabis plants. It has been recognized for its benefits on human and animal health and is capable of affecting nearly every biological process, basically helping to restore homeostasis. CBD is best known for helping to alleviate anxiety and reduce pain & inflammation naturally in a non-toxic and nonpsychoactive medium. CBD is well known for providing natural pain relief and it’s antiinflammatory properties. CBD can be administered sublingually (tinctures) i.e. under the tongue and is absorbed very quickly into the tissue and blood stream via the mucous membranes, swallowed via concentrates & capsules or topically via salves, lotions & creams. Dosing amounts vary per person and ailment. CBD Best Oil has a great product & dosing guide on her website, Product & Dosing Guide CBD Best Oil works with a certified clean lab, under the guidance of ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT } Glenna got into this business in order to find holistic and natural alternatives to her chronic nerve pain and inflammation.

scientists to extracted the CBD. This process allows them to provide the most consistent and best Hemp Extract (CBD) on the market. Each product is cared for, from seed to sale, with consistent organic practices. CBD Best Oil is legal in all 50 states and contains less than .3% THC (nonpsychoactive).

Glenna personally guarantees 100% satisfaction and is always working on expanding their fantastic, innovative and high quality CBD product line. You will not find better CBD products on the market, anywhere...myself and my family can personally attest to this, along with her many committed customer base and fans. CBD Best Oil products can be

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purchased online and/or at the following local locations (growing every day): Parkleigh Pharmacy Fairport Pharmacy All Cloud Factory Shops Titus Medical Spa Balance Acupuncture


{ POWER OF HER }

POWER OF HER: PART 1 BY KATIE FLAHERTY

JOURNEY OF H E A L I N G , E M P OW E R I N G OTHERS AND RECLAIMING MY LIFE Have you ever imagined what your life would be like if you just changed one thing? Do you believe the Butterfly Effect is real?

treatable and many have it more than you think. Depression is the number one effect of suffering from a sexual disorder or dysfunction. Mainly because you feel inferior to others, not able to make your spouse or significant other happy, feelings of being a failure, loss of purpose and fear of rejection. What kind of woman am I if I am not able to see a doctor on a regular basis, have a fulfilling marriage, experience

Never in my life did I feel so ashamed and even contemplated ending my life. I attempted suicide twice in my lifetime and considered it on numerous occasions. Why? All because of one condition that seemed like not a lot of professionals were aware of and unable to help. Which is

I will start off with an excerpt from my initial journey of seeking treatment:

JULY 2, 2014:

I have always wondered what my life would be like if I went back in time. Would it turn out better? Would I be happier? After many years of struggling through life challenges, I realized that if one little thing changed, my life would be drastically different. It is terrifying to share this with the world. However, I feel that it is necessary to spread awareness about Women’s Sexual Health. The condition I have lived with for over 20 years has been in silence and has had devastating results. It is a condition that most of society has not heard of and yet 46% of women suffer or has suffered from this condition or something similar. I did not realize there was a real issue until I met my husband. At first, it seemed weird that I was unable to have successful OB GYN exams, be intimate with my partner and worst of all, I felt like I was having an out of body experience 24/7. I even got made fun of by an OB GYN and stated I need psychiatric help and proceeded to go out in the hall and continue talking about me to the staff. That was the last time I went to an OB GYN for several years.

real, transparent experiences was to share excerpts from a forum that I was part of before I was treated for Vaginismus. The forum was a safe space for women like me to share our feelings, frustrations, pain and experiences with each other. Initially, I thought I was alone in this, that I was ugly and a freak of nature.

“My procedure is in 19 days on July 21st. I am so nervous! I think my biggest fear is that I will be told I do not have Vaginismus and botox injections will not help me and I will be where I am now. I also am scared I will fail and the treatment will not work. I am trying very hard to be positive as my husband is a great supporter and he is feeling positive. Yet, I know he is frustrated and I fear he will leave me. I have been down so many avenues to fix this and they all failed or I gave up, feeling I could live like this. But, I am working on improving my positive energy. I am so happy this forum exists as I am not alone. I was going to go to a different medical group in NYC that has botox treatments every few months. But, I found Dr Pacik’s website and ever since, your office has been so helpful and personable as the other practice was not as personable and didn’t seem to care about me as a person. My husband and I are coming from Syracuse, NY. So, I am praying that the trip to NH will change my life.” self- love instead of self-hatred? I have pondered for days on how I was going to share my story. As terrifying as it is, I want to break the stigma and women need to know they are not alone. Many thoughts have come to mind. However, I felt that the best way I could share my most

After the procedure, I was able to self- care which means dilate, going to physical therapy and improving my strength and confidence. Unfortunately, I ended up having a major setback. Here is another excerpt from my forum discussions:


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } “I have always wondered what my life would be like if I went back in time. Would it turn out better? Would I be happier? After many years of struggling through life challenges, I realized that if one little thing changed, my life would be drastically different.”

AUGUST 23, 2014: “I am now 4 weeks post procedure with Dr. Pacik. I have been dilating on a regular basis with a few days where I did not dilate due to anxiety. Last Saturday night, I had planned on connecting with my spouse. I dilated for several hours, I even went out and bought alcohol to help calm me down. Later that evening, after I had a couple of drinks, we attempted to be intimate. I was so nervous and scared that I was not able to stay calm. So, we gave up. He did not seem disappointed or frustrated. He said it will be ok and we will try again. I knew better, he was most likely on the verge of losing hope. I was quite upset that I was not able to complete my goal.

how much more I can take before giving up. I can’t exactly get over the mistakes that have occured and always wondering if we will be together before I eventually reach my goal or fail. I thought God only gives you what you can handle??” I have been asked if I was born with this condition. The answer is no. There are many causes to developing any sexual disorder, pain or dysfunction even for men. Causes can stem from sexual abuse, physical abuse,

Before I go further, I need to mention since the procedure, I have been very emotional and distant with my husband. According to my counselor, it is because my psychological awareness is bringing up all the bad sexual abuse that happened in the past. So, until I get my psyche where my physical body is, I will not be able to be relaxed. I have been very moody and we started fighting more…. “

SEPTEMBER 18, 2014: “Recently, my days have included painful events. As it wasn’t hard already, I was actually admitted into the hospital for a week and still recovering from C Diff colitis which is an extremely bad stomach infection due to taking too much antibiotics. I am going through a prep so I can have my colonoscopy tomorrow. I feel like crap keeps coming at me and I am losing my balance. Our marriage has taken a turn for the worse. I stopped doing my logs, stopped dilating, avoiding the issue. Of course I get sick and end up in the hospital! I am at the end of my rope. I feel like it is not meant to be for me to beat this. Not sure 280

surgery procedures that involve catheters, post effects from giving birth, miscarriages and even cancer. I feel like there is the belief that if you ignore trauma, it will go away. But, on the contrary that is the complete opposite that happens. I thought that I was perfectly ok growing up. Little did I know that the past would come back to haunt and me try to destroy me and the very essence of who I am as a person. There are other devastating effects from sexual disorders such as Vaginismus. This

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

can consist of marital issues ranging from affairs, resentment, divorce depression, suicide attempts and in some cases suicide, career insecurities, social anxiety, no check-ups or seeing a doctor. So, health was at risk. It took almost 10 years to find a doctor and physical therapist that even knew about my condition. I attempted suicide twice due to feeling like “damaged goods” I was determined that my husband can find someone else that he can have a normal life with. Why should I even be here if I am not able to be a “normal” woman? Why would God make this happen?? I fought the urge to end my life for a couple of years. I kept fighting to find my purpose. I really thought I was all alone and other women were normal and would never know what it is like to feel like you are a piece of garbage that can’t even perform the most simple female task. I truly believed the very essence of being a woman was not possible for me. Nobody will miss me and the world will go on. After sharing all of this, it is so surreal to say that I have been treated, found my purpose in life and now I am helping other women who suffer in silence even outside of NY state. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and have overcome a lot of adversity. If I can get through this, anyone can. Also, I have been promoted to Chief Passion Officer for Lady’s Sparrow Foundation. I look forward to sharing more of my story with my recovery in next month’s edition, sharing knowledge from professionals and expanding my campaign #SilentNoMore. I will also be sharing details on my 2nd Lady Talk panel event that will be held in Rochester, NY! Our Lady Talk events involve healthcare professionals who volunteer a few hours of their time to join me and talk to women in a safe space about the most difficult topics and answer questions.


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{ MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN }

HOMEOWNER INFO BY PHYLLIS HABERER

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TAXES It’s no secret that tax season can get complicated when you’re a homeowner. However, when you have a mortgage, there are certain deductions you can qualify for that can provide financial relief during tax season. Keep reading to learn a few things you should know about deducting mortgage interest off your taxes.

home. Condominiums, cooperatives, mobile homes, RVs and boats are classified as “ homes “ as long as they have sleeping, cooking facilities and bathrooms.

WHO IS ELIGIBLE FOR THE DEDUCTION?

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WHAT IS THE LIMIT I CAN DEDUCT? If your home mortgage is more than $1 million (or $500,000 if you are married and file separately), you will be limited in the deduction you can make. Speaking with a Phyllis about eligible deductions on your taxes could bring some financial relief during tax season. You should also always consult a tax professional regarding your unique tax situation.

W H AT I S MORTGAGE INTEREST? Mortgage interest is the interest you pay to purchase your home, secure a second mortgage, set up a line of credit or obtain a home equity loan. You are eligible to receive tax relief if your mortgage is secured by your primary or secondary home.

of a son or daughter), you are not eligible for a deduction unless your name is on the loan.

WHICH HOME TYPES QUALIFY?

The primary borrower, also known as the signees of the loan, are eligible for the deduction. If you are married and you and your spouse both cosigned on the mortgage, you’re both eligible.

You may still qualify for tax deductions even if you do not have a traditional

However, even if you pay for a mortgage (for example, on the home

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

Call Phyllis Haberer at Premium Mortgage Corporation: 1 (585) 314-8511. You can also email her: phyllis@ premiummortgage. com Connect with her on Facebook @ PhyllisHabererPMC Phyllis Haberer Senior Loan Officer | NMLS# 58078 2541 Monroe Avenue, Rochester, NY 14618 (585) 314-8511 NMLS #3254 Equal Housing Lender Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

wINTER wEATHER HOUSE HUNTING

When it comes to house hunting, looking for properties in the cold weather months can have its benefits! Most sellers who list their home in winter months are in a rush to get them sold, which means they might be willing to accept a lower price. Not sure where to start? Give me a call!

Call Phyllis today for your FREE Pre-Approval!

Phyllis Haberer Senior Loan Officer | NMLS#58078

C: 585.314.8511 D: 585.363.7087 O: 585.241.0000 x104

Phyllis@PremiumMortgage.com

www.PremiumMortgage.com

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2541 Monroe Ave. Rochester NY 14618 | Equal Housing Lender | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS | NMLS#3254 Premium Mortgage Corporation does not intend to solicit business away from other mortgage banking professionals. If you are currently working with another mortgage banking professional, this communication is not intended for you. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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{ HELPING PEOPLE HEAL }

VOLUNTEERS HELP PEOPLE HEAL BY BECKY PICONE

“Volunteers Help People Heal”. That is what you will hear if you ask Rochester General Hospital’s Volunteer and Guest Services Manager, Doug Della Pietra, about the mission of the volunteers he works with. It is that simple, and it is the main reason that the volunteer program has become such an integral part of Rochester General Hospital. Found at the hospital entrance, patient discharge, and everywhere in between, volunteers support the personal, emotional, spiritual, social, and psychological needs of patients and their guests at key touch points in their hospital experience. Guest Services volunteers (sporting the standard royal blue button down shirts) are available as soon as you enter the hospital, to greet visitors and help alleviate the stress of finding their destination. Whether they are giving directions, escorting, or offering a wheelchair assist, volunteers help to start a visit off with a friendly smile and a calm presence. Guest Services volunteers are constantly walking, and can often clock 13,000 steps in one four hour shift! “I like people and I like the walking. People really appreciate the work we do here.” -Alys, Guest Services Throughout the building, volunteers serve in many different ways. In the Cancer Center, volunteers offer refreshments, warm blankets, and company to patients and their guests during infusion sessions. 284

They may also support the staff by running errands and restocking supplies. Volunteers in the Emergency Department fulfill a similar purpose, checking in on patients and guests who are waiting for care, test results, or a variety of other reasons. Friendly Patient Companions will circulate among rooms where patients are staying to see if they would like a little company, to play a game, or if there is anything else that would make their stay a little more comfortable.

Therapy Dogs and their volunteer humans are often found roaming the rooms, hallways, and guest areas of the hospital. The positive effect is evident. When you see a patient being transported and they catch sight of a Therapy Dog, you tend to see eyes brighten, a smile spread, and a hand reach out for a quick pet. “Giving back is nice. Being able to put smiles on people’s faces is a real treat.” -Chip and Lovey, Therapy Dog visitation The Twig Gift shop is staffed by volunteers, allowing the charming little store to be open during primary visiting hours. This allows guests to purchase gifts, snacks, and incidentals, as well as simply browse to pass time.

The personal touch of conversation, a smile, and simply checking in with a patient can go a long way in making a stressful situation seem a little more bearable. Herma, one of the program’s Friendly Patient Companions, was happy to share her story when asked about her experience as a volunteer: “I was visiting a patient once and as I got up to leave, she said to me, ‘Don’t leave. While we are talking I don’t feel the pain in my leg anymore.’”

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Finally, when it is time for patient’s to leave the hospital, volunteers are awaiting the call! They will provide a wheelchair escort to transport the patient safely and comfortably from their room to the discharge area. There are many other ways in which our volunteers make a positive impact on those served by Rochester General Hospital. On site volunteers also work in Floral, Spiritual Care and Infant Hearing Screening, among others. Offsite, we have volunteers providing Blood Pressure Screenings at the Riedman Wellness


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{ HELPING { SHIFT+CONTROL PEOPLE HEAL } } “I like people and I like the walking. People really appreciate the work we do here.” -Alys, Guest Services

Center, Guest Services at the Riedman Health Center, and other valuable roles. Our adult volunteers span a variety of different backgrounds and ages. They come on board for various reasons, but most have a similar reason for staying on board for years- the rewarding feeling you get from helping others. “I volunteer because I enjoy the interaction with people we visit with. You feel like you are doing something important with your life.” -Joyce (and Maggie), Therapy Dog visitation Volunteers enjoy benefits that go beyond 286

the personal gratification that comes with making a difference. One of these perks includes privileges at the Riedman Wellness Center, the state of the art fitness facility located at the corner of Kings Highway and Ridge Road. Volunteers can use their equipment as well as take advantage of the fitness classes available throughout the day. Additionally, volunteers receive $4 toward snack each shift at one of the food areas in the hospital, and free parking! If you are interested in a new, rewarding volunteer opportunity, please contact us at 585-922-4328 or douglas. DellaPietra@RochesterRegional.org,

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or visit our website: rochesterregional. org/makeadifference. Our greatest need at the moment is for weekday volunteers, from 12pm-4pm, but we have volunteer shifts available every day of the week, morning to night. We will work with your schedule and your interests to find an area that will be the best match for you. We are always looking for motivated people who have a little time to share and an interest in making a difference in the lives of the people we serve.


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{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

SHARON QUATAERT BY AUDREY AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY JOE MARINO

MORE THAN JUST A REALTOR Who is Sharon Q? Sharon is a lifelong resident of the Rochester area. Sharon began her career in the Real Estate industry at age 21, and today – with over 30 years of experience behind her and a multi-million dollar producing company, Sharon Quataert Realty, she continues to assist the community with all of their real estate needs while focusing on client service through honesty, integrity and professionalism. “Bigger is not always better. Real estate at it’s very core is about building a relationship of mutual trust; it’s not about the company”. Sharon Quataert Realty has access to all of the latest technology, market trends, and community resources that are vital to the success of meeting and exceeding client’s needs and expectations. Sharon Quataert Realty most importantly offers a true one-on-one client-agent relationship; honest conversations with real people about what matters most to them. Where you live is one of the most important decisions you will ever make, and Sharon Quataert Realty is ready to provide custom solutions; Real Estate by Design. Community is important to Sharon. She is on the board of the Greece Chamber of Commerce, a volunteer with the Villa of Hope, and is an avid supporter of the Boys and Girls Club of Rochester. She has also served on several committees at the Greater Rochester Association of Realtors. She spends her spare time with family and friends as she enjoys entertaining. You can also find her enjoying dinner at the latest new restaurants and then attending the communities’ local theater productions. 290

Why choose real estate for a career? “I am passionate about helping people succeed and achieve their goals. Having a place to call home is a basic human necessity, and it’s my joy and privilege to help them discover the best fit. I may have built a successful career, but it has only been because of the beautiful relationships I have built with some tremendous human beings I have the honor to call clients and colleagues.” Sharon has been a NYS licensed Real Estate Broker since 1985, a Senior Real Estate

Specialist, a certified New Homes Sales Professional who is consistently ranked in the top 5 of the Greater Rochester Real Estate Board. In the early 1980’s, she was searching for a career that could fit her entrepreneurial spirit, energetic will to want to help people, and a career that challenged her drive to make a difference. “Low and behold, in that search, I found Lin Field. She was a teacher by education, and was the manager of a small real estate office in the city. She took me under her wing, and taught me the foundation of selling Real Estate. And, get this…She STILL teaches in the Real Estate Industry!” In the early

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1990’s, she had the good fortune to work alongside another set of mentors. “My brokers, Bob King and Scott Worner, taught me how to be a business person. Later in the 2000’s, I co-owned and helped grow a large Real Estate franchise.” All of these experiences helped her grow as a person and professional. “My experiences ultimately led me to the very thing that inspired me from the beginning – my love to help buyers and sellers achieve the American dream! So, in 2015, Sharon Quataert Realty was open for business with a fantastic team of professionals – some of which are her very own children. “As a team, we are so grateful for the trust and confidence of our clients, customers, and community. We feel strongly about giving back, and make a donation to the charity of each customer’s choice with every transaction we make.” The talented realtors that make up the Sharon Q team are extraordinary individuals who bring their strengths and talents to every buyer and seller they work with to provide exceptional service. “It is our mission to be committed to EXCELLENCE in every way; providing our clients and customers with the very best in results and satisfaction through our industry knowledge, diverse team experience, by cooperating as a team and giving back to our community.” They have a strong network of service providers that they trust and recommend to clients and customers for any/all of their housing needs. “After over 3 decades in this industry, I have learned many truths. One of the most important is: Work hard and be kind. Life and real estate are about making/having/maintaining relationships – treasure them.”


{ ASK SHARON }

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“Bigger is not always better. Real estate at it’s very core is about building a relationship of mutual trust; it’s not about the company”.


{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES } “I am passionate about helping people succeed and achieve their goals. Having a place to call home is a basic human necessity, and it’s my joy and privilege to help them discover the best fit.”

As (rightfully) proud as Sharon is of her success as a business owner, her business isn’t her greatest achievement in her eyes. “My greatest achievement, HANDS DOWN, is my family! My husband, Mike, and I have been married for 32 years. With that longevity comes ups, downs, and every zig-zag imaginable on the roller coaster of love and life. We have been blessed with a son, Brad, who is the most loving, kind, smart, handsome man who amazes us every day with his ‘just do YOU’ attitude toward life. He continues to leave us in awe at how he is living his best life with his beautiful wife, Katie, (who we lovingly refer to as our ‘third’ child) and his precious daughter, Kennedy. (Yup, I’m a GRANDMA!) Our daughter, Brittany, is a bright, beautiful, loving, and generous young woman who portrays life with such grace and respect. She, like her brother, never ceases to amaze us with her wonderful outlook on life. In addition, my work family: Maryanne Miller, TJ Circhirello, Josephine Velazquez, Carolena Coppola, Melanie Berl, (and as mentioned above - Brad Quataert, Katie Quataert, Brittany Quataert); both individually and collectively are the finest people professionally and personally I could ever have imagined being with on a day to day basis.” Together they laugh, learn, celebrate, cry, and enjoy the somewhat 294

crazy life of Real Estate. For fun they love to entertain, try every new restaurant, and strive to share new experiences on a regular basis. They love to travel (especially to beautiful beaches), but most of all, they love spending special moments with the people we care about most of all – each other. Sharon’s outlook on obstacles: “Of course,

we all have them from time to time, both personally and professionally. My philosophy is do your very best to handle them with grace and dignity. Always remember that with every challenge comes opportunity. Learn from your challenges!” Sharon is continuously inspired by strong independentthought leaders. “I hope to never ever stop learning and growing as a leader, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, daughter, and woman of faith. There are many people

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that have touched my life over the years in many different ways, and to each and every one of them – I am forever grateful. If I were asked to give advice either personally or professionally, I would have to say it simply: Be kind, work hard, show respect to yourself and others, have no regrets, and know the rest will fall right into place where it belongs. Who is Sharon Q? Associate Broker Certified New Home Sales Professional (CNHSP), Se n i o r Re a l Estate Specialist (SRES), Certified Residential Specialist (CRS), Property Marketing Expert (PME), GRAR Sales Master Platinum Award Recipient, WCR Pinnacle/Zenith Award Recipient, Specializing in Existing Homes, Specializing in New Homes Relocation, Certified Structure program for first time home buyers, YEA (Young Entrepreneurs Academy), Mentor Member of Greece Chamber of Commerce, Leader, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Friend, Daughter, and Woman of Faith, and an INSPIRATION! *Get the help of the best and most familyoriented real estate agents in Rochester, NY – Call, email, or text today and experience Real Estate by Design!


{ A BALANCED LIFE }

“IT’S NEVER JUST ABOUT THE BROCCOLI” BY LORI NOLAN

Happy New Year and welcome to 2019!! A new year usually invokes exciting feelings to a fresh start for most people. How many times do we say to ourselves, or hear others say, “This is going to be MY year”! “This year, I’m going to make those changes… this year, I’m going to get in shape and lose the weight once and for all.…this year, I’m going to change my career, go back to school, join the gym, focus on me and my health, etc, etc… Sound familiar? Only to find yourself in December of that same new year, with ever ything the same, if not worse in some aspects. So why does this happen? Are we just not motivated enough? Possibly, but it’s been my experience over the years, that we don’t look at our lives as a whole, we tend to focus on just the lacking part, or the part that is broken and needs fixing. Since my expertise is in holistic nutrition, and integrating that into my client’s life, we spend a good amount of time inspecting other areas that may be driving their less than good nutritional choices or what the root cause of their chief complaint is when it comes to their health and overall wellbeing. For example, we talk a good amount about relationships, career, physical activity and whether or not they have a spiritual practice. Believe it or not, all those areas can drive our food choices, not to mention our health. 296

So let’s say you’re eating everything organic, maybe you’re a vegan, keto or paleo follower, etc. and you feel like garbage. No energy, stressed, aches & pains, digestive upset. If you were my client, we would take a deep dive into some other areas of your life first, before we started inspecting your food, because “it’s never just about the broccoli”. You may have a toxic, draining relationship looming in your life, sapping all your energy. Or, you may have a horribly

the fly, and then having trouble sleeping due to all that. How do we stop the cycle and actually get that fresh start in the New Year that we so want and desire? I empower people to make healthy choices in order to take back their health. I believe options give you freedom to choose for yourself. Here are some super helpful tips that may give you the kick start that you need to see some positive results right away: 1) Many different areas of our lives make up the WHOLE PERSON, but doing a quick inspection of these 4: Physical activity, Spiritual practice, Career & Relationships. Be honest with yourself, and take a look and see what needs attention.

stressful job or situation in your life that is taking a huge toll on your health. Maybe you sit all day, work long hours and have no time for physical activity, and even if you did have a little time, you’re too tired to do anything. And there’s always the possibility that the food you are eating (as good as it is, because it’s all the rage and trend right now) is hurting you. These are all too familiar things I hear every day. People are over worked, stressed to the max, eating on

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2) Keep a food & feelings journal! See how certain foods make you feel. Food is very powerful, it is medicine! And just because it’s a healthy type food or what the trend is currently telling you to eat, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good for you. For example: a beautiful deep red tomato may spike one person’s glucose level the same as ice cream would. Everyone’s body has a unique make up. 3) Sleep! Sleep is so important. People are starting to get educated on the danger of blue light, and what it does to our


{ A BALANCED LIFE }

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{ A BALANCED LIFE } A new year usually invokes exciting feelings to a fresh start for most people. How many times do we say to ourselves, or hear others say, “This is going to be MY year”! “This year, I’m going to make those changes…”

brain and sleep. Turning off the TV, computers or phones 1-2 hours before bedtime, really does alert our brain that it’s time to shut down and get some rest. If you have to work or be on those devices, I highly recommend getting a pair of amber glasses or changing screens on those devices to cut down on the

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blue light and switch to more ambient or amber light. Cheers to the New Year and to taking back your life and health! My practice is Balanced Life Health Coaching, LLC 1 Grove Street Suite 117, Pittsford NY 14534 I offer free consultations,

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and can be reached at (585)755-1880 or email lorinolanhc@gmail.com. I’d love to show you how you can take back your health and utilize the many choices and options you have when it comes to having the health you want and ultimately a more Balanced Life.


Why Work With A Health Coach?

* Tired of a one- size fits all approach to Nutrition? * Confused by the latest fads and trends with food? * Drained from toxic relationships? * Overwhelmed by stress at work? * Fed up with nagging cravings and stubborn weight challenges? As an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, I will guide and empower you, while providing ongoing support as you set goals and make sustainable changes that improve your health and happiness. Together we will navigate your unique bioindividulaity to find what truly works best for you to achieve a more Balanced Life.


{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }

COMMUNITY SUPPORT IN ROCHESTER BY OLGA MONACELL

WOMAN FINDS COMMUNITY SUPPORT IN RO C H E S T E R A S SHE CARES FOR HER PUERTO RICAN GRANDMOTHER

In 2017, Hurricane Maria struck Puerto Rico bringing devastation to the entire island. Even though the house where Edda lived wasn’t destroyed, the family lost electricity and water supply for many months. Tamara decided to bring both her mother and grandmother to New York State while their hometown was recovering from the damage. A few months later, when Tamara’s mother returned to Carolina, Tamara decided it was safer to have Edda stay with her and Carlos. “We noticed my grandmother was doing much better here,” Tamara said.

Tamara Fontanes grew up in Carolina, Puerto Rico’s fourth largest city on the Atlantic Ocean. As a little girl, she loved spending time at her grandparents’ house. When she began dating her boyfriend Carlos at age 15, Tamara would often bring her high school sweetheart to visit her grandparents. Tamara and Carlos both loved her grandmother Edda’s cooking. “My grandmother was an amazing cook. She would make the best rice and beans ever,” Tamara said. When Carlos moved to Rochester, New York, for college, Tamara followed him and enrolled in the Spanish literature program at SUNY Brockport. After graduation, Carlos assumed a position at Xerox and Tamara became a teacher’s assistant. The couple got married and eventually settled down in Ontario County. Even though they left their hometown nearly 20 earlier, Tamara and Carlos remained close to their families in Puerto Rico. In the last few years, when Tamara would visit her grandmother, she noticed that Edda’s rice and beans were not as delicious as they used to be. In 2016, Edda was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She was in her 80s at the time and had lost her husband ten years earlier. Edda’s three children—Tamara’s mother, aunt and uncle—were all taking turns caring for their mother. 300

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of other individuals with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers, she favors the activities involving art and music. Edda, who loves dressing up and being photographed, has become a celebrity of the Rochester and Finger Lakes chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. Her photos are frequently featured on the chapter’s Facebook page. Edda even appeared on the cover of the chapter’s catalog of programs and services. “When we went to my grandmother’s neurologist, he asked Edda to autograph the catalog cover for him. My grandma was very flattered and happy to do it.” Through the Alzheimer’s Association’s Respite Scholarship Program, Tamara receives a monthly voucher that allows her to take Edda once a week to a daytime retreat at Marian’s House. “We tried to take my grandmother to a daycare program in Puerto Rico and she didn’t like it there because that program didn’t offer any engagement activities. Although Spanish is Edda’s primary language, she understands and speaks some English. At Marian’s House, she enjoys music therapy and socializing with others,” Tamara said.

Caring for Edda, who now requires aroundthe-clock supervision, has become Tamara’s fulltime job. She and Carlos converted their living room into Edda’s bedroom and added handles in their first-floor bathroom. Tamara keeps Edda busy all the time. “If she is not occupied, she becomes anxious and angry,” Tamara said. They play board games and go out together. In March 2018, Tamara came across the catalog of programs and services offered by the Alzheimer’s Association and began taking Edda to various social activities offered in Rochester and throughout the Finger Lakes region. While Edda enjoys all the outings and the company

While Tamara finds being Edda’s primary caregiver to be a rewarding experience, she often feels unprepared dealing with the ever-evolving daily caregiving tasks. Tamara has recently joined a caregiver support group. After each monthly meeting where she compares notes with other family caregivers, she feels energized and encouraged to keep pressing on. She has no plans of taking Edda back to Puerto Rico as her grandmother loves her new home and Tamara loves her new role as a caregiver. To join a caregiver support group or register for a social activity for individuals who live with Alzheimer’s or another dementia and their care partners, visit alz.org or call 1-800-272-3900.


{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY } “Although Spanish is Edda’s primary language, she understands and speaks some English. At Marian’s House, she enjoys music therapy and socializing with others.”

ariesmith

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{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

CERVICOGENIC VERTIGO BY DR. GORDON

Dizziness and vertigo account for over 8 million primary care visits in the US each year. Dizziness is the leading presenting complaint for seniors over age 75. It can arise from a single or even multiple anatomical locations. Central origins may include the brain stem, cerebellum or the vasculature supplying those tissues. Peripheral origins include: the vestibular, visual, and spinal proprioceptive systems. Although the exact mechanism of cervicogenic vertigo is debatable, most researchers ascribe to an altered mechanoreceptive theor y. The upper cer vical (C0-C3) facet joints are highly innervated, supplying up to 50% of all cervical proprioceptive input. Abnormal stimulation of the articular capsule (the joint) and/ or muscular spindle mechanical receptors from joint dysfunction or muscle hyperactivity provides conflicting input with visual and vestibular signals. This sensory mismatch between visual, vestibular, andcervical mechanoreceptive input “confuses” the brain into a temporary state of dizziness. Cervical spine proprioception may be affected by conditions that alter mechanoreceptive input including: deg eneration, inflammation, joint dysfunction, disc lesion, muscle hypertonicity or trauma. Trauma, which includes a blow to the head, a fall, or a motor vehicle accident causing a whiplash injury may lead to late onset dizziness, vertigo, or disequilibrium.

There is generally a temporal relationship between cervical spine injury and the onset of vertigo, although symptoms may be delayed from days to months. Stress and anxiety are considered to be compounding factors for dizziness, as these conditions may increase muscle tone and sympathetic firing rates. A cervicogenic vertigo diagnosis is

often suggested when there is a history of dizziness associated with cervical movement and concurrent neck pain. Patients may also present with lightheadedness, floating, unsteadiness, or general imbalance, without the true “spinning” vertigo. A sensation of “spinning” (i.e. true rotary vertigo) suggests a non-cervicogenic origin, possibly Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV). Cervicogenic symptoms are generally episodic, provoked by

movement and eased by maintaining a stable position. Occipital headaches, headaches coming from the neck up the back of the neck to the crown of the head, may accompany cervicogenic vertigo, but clinicians should be alert for the presence of a “severe” or “different” headache suggesting a cerebral origin. Clinicians, and patients alike, should search for clues that suggest a non-cervicogenic origin, including a history of head trauma, loss of consciousness, f r e q u e n t unexplained falls, hearing loss, tinnitus, ear “fullness”, earache, ptosis, facial or extremity paresthesia, visual disturbances, difficulty speaking, difficulty swallowing, ataxia, or a new medication, particularly antihypertensives or antidepressants. Cervicogenic vertigo is amenable to conser vative treatment, especially chiropractic treatment. Since cervicogenic vertigo, by definition, results from upper cervical dysfunction, spinal manipulation is a cornerstone of treatment. From my personal experience with my own patients, chiropractic care has a very high success rate treating both cervicogenic vertigo and noncervicogenic (rotary vertigo).


{ COVER STORY }


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{ THOUGHTS FROM A CURVY GIRL }

(ODE TO THE BIG GIRL) BY AYANNA JACKSON

BEING A BIG GIRL IN A PLUS SIZE WORLD Beyonce sang “girls run the world”, but this queen bee says “big gorlsrun/ rule the world”. Being a big, beautiful, voluptuous woman is not a bad thing!!! Not knocking our thick, curvy sistas, (just fyi, they don’t have tummies and fat rolls, lol). For all of my 46 years on this big beautiful planet, i have been a big girl, (i identify with plus size to a certain extent). Being classified a big girl girls comes with a weightclass, plus size depends on who you ask?? I always say that i’m on the other end of the plus scale. I have loved the shape of me since 1972!! My biggest pet peeve is hearing other big women say they can’t find anywhere to shop from, really ladies uggh!!! Most of my shopping when i was younger was done at sear’s, jcpenney’s and 16 plus. Heck my debutante ball 310

gown (1990) came from champagne bridal and furs (does anyone remember that store) my junior prom gown came from them as well and it was royal blue. For a longtime, we as big girls, have been frowned up on, but hunty

within, jessica london, loft, sear’s and jcpenney’s. Not including all the different designers that are including us in their fashions. So, ladies, we should never be looking shabby or slack. We now even have travel agencies that cater to us, plus there is whole island who caters to all of gorgeous big people. I will always continue to provide positive support for all my big sistas, a lot of us stuggle with confidence building. The 1 major issue i do have with the whole plus size community, is the lack of support we have for each other. Listen, if we work together, we all can eat and be successful. It’s like we’re jealous of each other, stop that mess!!! “if we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything”.

now is our time to shine and shine brightly we shall. Think about it, we control the clothing market, from lane bryant, catherine’s, avenue, ashley stewart, roaman’s, woman

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I will always stand for/with my big girls, because we truly do run the world! And that completes my order…..


{ {FITHER TO EDGE REIGN} }

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{ THOUGHTS FROM A CURVY GIRL } “I will always stand for/with my big girls, because we truly do run the world!”

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{ THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER }

HONEY BROOK MOUNTAIN MEDICINE BY HANNAH SMITH

H E A LT H A S NECESSITY, NOT HOBBY Honey Brook is known for handmade local beeswax candles, handmade journals, handmade paper, graphic design, and more depending on which year you happened to encounter Honey Brook. However, there is a great deal more under the surface that has lead to the inception of Honey Brook. There are six pillars that underline and build the foundation for how I live my life, run my business, and take care of my body. Honey Brook is simply the vehicle in which to share my knowledge and passion for a collective awakening of mind and body. These six pillars ignite my brain, body, and spirit to do what I love and live my best life and be my most dynamic self for all those around me. Since all six are equally important and having one without the other is useless, this is my list for living your most vibrant, awakened, and meaningful life. First comes nutrition, next is physical training, then sleep/ recovery, having a connection with nature/outdoor time, awareness of chemicals/toxins, and daily implementation of zero waste/ green living practices. My business reflects and upholds these values, which are showcased in my products, services, business practices, and daily health rituals and rules. Whatever the topic I cover in future articles, it is directly related to my own personal experiences with illness along with my complex path back to health and wellness over the last 8 years. With Honey 316

Brook, you’re sure to become awakened about a variety of topics and realize how they are all related and co-dependent. My insights and tips are simple; they will take constant effort, which can be the hard part. We can’t drive to Home Depot and buy a new body; we only get the one! It is up to us to regain the full genetic potential that blessed our ancestors who lived free from many of the chronic diseases and illness’s that plague our modern society today such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, rampant

cancers in all age groups, auto-immune disorders, Alzheimer’s, hypothyroidism, and so much more. The problem with environmentally and toxicity related health ailments is that there isn’t a quick fix. They take time to accumulate and they take time to overcome. There is no easy way out once the body is comprised. It can take years to reestablish the defenses

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the body needs to ward off the hundreds of daily attacks it receives from food, water, air, indoor environments, bacteria, viruses, fungus’s, chemicals, heavy metals, toxic molds, and more. Our gastrointestinal health matters, it’s where 70% of our immune system resides (or more some experts say). Our gut lining and our brain barriers need to be intact, sealed, and free from inflammation in order for us to feel well and live in our modern world, which has sadly become a ‘toxic soup’ as acclaimed breast cancer survivor Suzanne Sommers says. Did you know that 95% of current chronic disease and illness is directly induced by diet and environment? 95%! A very small percentage is genetic. If that startling fact doesn’t wake you up like a cold shower, I don’t know what will! For example, there’s all this money in researching and beating breast cancer, however, did you know drinking and eating from plastic containers has been scientifically liked to cancers of the breast, ovaries, and prostate? Yet I went to a benefit yoga class last year that was fundraising money for a breast cancer organization, and as I looked around the room, nearly every water bottle was plastic. We want to ‘beat’ breast cancer, yet we willingly submit ourselves to creating the disease in our own bodies each day through something as simple as drinking from a plastic water bottle. Do you see where I am going here? We already have many of the answers we need as a society. I am proof that environmentally related health issues can be overcome and


{ THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER }

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ THE HONEYBROOK { SHIFT+CONTROL HEALTH CORNER } } I’m too young to feel this old, this sick, this achy, this fat/puffy, this tired; what’s wrong with me? Every day seemed worse than the next.

managed daily with the proper regimen of a hopeful outlook, nutrition, supplements, activity, and rest and recovery. For the time being, the assaults of the chemicals and toxins we absorb, inhale, and eat, aren’t going anywhere. Honey Brook is here to help share daily tips on how we can navigate this ‘toxic soup’ and still cultivate a vibrant body, mind, and spirit. After a life threatening E. Coli infection in 2010-2011 when I was 18, my life and my body were changed forever. Due to the long-term anti-biotic use I endured to keep me alive during the worst of the infection, it drastically altered my gut biome. As we discussed above, the gut houses upwards of 70% of our immune system, and if that isn’t well, it is essentially game over for all systems in the body. At the time, we didn’t know quite how compromised my body would become stemming from this E. coli infection, because it was a slow poison that would take years to manifest. (And years to cure.) During the infection, no doctor ever prescribed probiotics alongside the antibiotics. Looking back now, is it any wonder I didn’t feel like myself after having E. Coli almost enter my bloodstream and kill me? What might my life look like today if I had been taking massive doses of probiotics to counteract the antibiotics? When my health began to deteriorate the years following this infection, all doctors except for Dr. Leila Kirdani who runs Quality of Life Medicine in Rochester, NY, spewed the same phrase, young and healthy. This was the most prevalent response I was given, “Well, you’re young and healthy Hannah, your numbers are all in the normal range, you’re active, not overweight, everything looks normal!” My Mom and I knew I wasn’t feeling normal though, how could this be? As we tirelessly unraveled my growing list of chronic and mysterious illnesses, it turned out to be anything but normal.

Until about age 18, I had a fit, capable athletic body, thick long hair, clear skin, bright eyes, never had trouble managing my weight, energy, or appetite. I didn’t know how good I had it until the scales started to tip all at once, in the other direction. In college at St. Lawrence University between 2011-2015, I always thought to myself, I’m too young to feel this old, this sick, this achy, this fat/puffy, this tired; what’s wrong with me? Every day seemed worse than the next. People would ask, well, what are you sick with? The complexity of environmentally induced illness doesn’t have one name, one diagnosis, or one fix-it pill. It’s too many issues lumped into one body, that’s why it doesn’t have one name. For that same reason, I believe it is why many mainstream doctors are baffled. I didn’t talk about my conditions much. Discussing a handful of ailments only makes people think you’re insane, a total wimp who can’t withstand an ounce of pain, or a hypochondriac. My compromised gut biome generated an ugly list of illnesses. First to go was my energy, I turned from the lacrosse-playing marathon running young women to someone who could hardly go for a walk around the block. Next to fail was my skin, riddled with cystic acne and painful blemishes, then my body began to ‘puff’ up, it seemed no matter how hard I worked out and stayed active all day and ate small, clean portions of food, the puffiness and weight gain continued. I was 127 pounds in high school and even with proper diet and intense physical training; I remember the scales saying 148 at one point in college. I wasn’t a drinker or a late night pizza eater, so how was I putting on this weight? I thought. Then I felt I was allergic to a list of foods. It was a trial for my body to digest almost anything; I thought this was what food allergies must be like. (Years later we found out my body wasn’t producing enough hydrochloric acid,

aka stomach acid, to digest my meals. No wonder eating became torturous.) I would get sick easily, colds and flu-like. Then came the depression, anxiety, mental fog, trouble focusing, hormonal imbalances, mood swings, chronic systemic pain, painful and inflamed lymph nodes around my ears and neck. Is this what ‘getting older’ felt like I wondered? At this point, it was senior year of college; I could hardly enjoy eating, training at the gym, hiking with friends, or studying and researching, (which are some of my favorite activities!). I felt like I was slowly dying. I felt like I was trapped inside a body that was malfunctioning from head to toe, inside and out. I could hardly look at myself in the mirror for many of those years. I was no longer there. After splitting half the year after college living off the grid in the woods outside of Canton, New York and half of the year living at Sunset Acres, a beautiful homestead a few miles outside of Canton; the feeling that I was dying was not only inside me, it was showing on the outside. I choose to move back in with my parents in Rochester in the spring of 2016 because I was so sick. My Mom thought she was going to lose me. The rest of 2016 only got worse; I worked for the Good Food Collective and Staach Furniture and Design that spring, summer, and winter, and also continued to operate Honey Brook since its beginning in 2015. It was hard work, it was hot, and my body began to collapse under all the stress, toxins, and manual labor. Come Spring of 2017, something was happening and I felt like I was backpedaling with my health. I thought I was making progress? I often asked myself. I felt it in my reproductive organs, my hormones, and my headaches. This felt different than the symptoms in previous years. I had been working with Dr. Leila Kirdani since 2015 and we finally decided

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to run a heavy metal lab test to screen for a handful of heavy metals in my body. She was convinced I was still burdened with toxins and that my detox pathways were not functioning. She felt toxic overload was one of the final pieces of this puzzle. In order to gather data, I was to take an initial test dose of oral EDTA and DMSA. The effect was horrifying; I felt like my whole body had been beaten, I had a fever. I pulled the covers over my head and cried myself to sleep. How was I going to endure this for 4 months? It turned out that my lead content was three times the reference amount and mercury was nearly at the edge of the reference amount! Then came the next step. The heavy metal detox and the rectal suppositories of EDTA and DMSA. (These are concentrated chelating agents that attach to heavy metals in the bones, tissues, and organs and then carry them out of the body. Sulphur rich foods such as garlic, onion, cilantro, chlorella, and eggs for example naturally bind to heavy metals and slowly chelate them out of the body. Nothing compares to what concentrated EDTA suppositories do though.) Mobilizing toxic metals in the body and 320

pulling them out in feces, urine, and sweat from bones, organs, and tissues is as unpleasant as it sounds. It isn’t something I wish upon my worst enemy. The oral dosing affect was so harsh, Dr. Kirdani said the only way to tolerate this treatment for 4 months would be suppositories. (Many patients actually receive IV chelation, administered in a hospital, covered by insurance and monitored closely by doctors. However, if your heavy metal exposure wasn’t detected within 30-60 days of when it occurred, those metals will exit the blood and be stored in tissues and bones as a defense mechanism. Because my toxic burden was buried deeper, insurance wouldn’t cover tests or treatment, because NYS only administers blood tests, not urine or hair tests. Blood shows very recent exposures, which was rare to discover, since it is removed so quickly from the blood. Urine or hair analysis tests show the real, total burden in the body. Upon completion of the detox, the levels of heavy metals dropped significantly, yet they are still not at zero. Miraculously, I spent 2018 in the best shape I had been in since early high school, while still managing post side effects from the heavy metal detox. Painstaking research, personal lifestyle

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changes, and the right blend of health practitioners and alternative healers have helped me come back from the dead. Health doesn’t just happen; it has to be earned, maintained daily, taken with utmost care and responsibility. It’s 2019, almost eight years since the nearly fatal E. coli infection. Within the last five months I have finally regained my vibrant energy, my bright skin, my thick shiny hair, my sleek capable body, and my personality. Many in this country are looking for a quick solution as to why they aren’t feeling themselves. Honey Brook is here to provide simple, everyday tips and habits that can dramatically change your day, your health, and your long-term life. I have learned a lot over these last eight years and I feel it’s my duty to share what I have learned with others who are struggling. I know a handful of readers will feel my story is familiar to them, I want you to know you’re not alone, you’re not insane, what you feel is real. Don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Listen to your body. It will never lie to you. Stay tuned for next time to learn about nutrition, one of my six foundational pillars, for the energized body and the vibrant life you deserve.


{ IN HER DEFENSE }

IN HER DEFENSE - ON YOUR SIDE BY DAVE JENKINS

This recurring column by David S Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! Awesome way to start the year! Make some new things happen, start some new habits, or even refine what you may have already started! Here’s a good thing to start this year: Controlling your personal information online.

it for display. Spokeo, Intelius, Radaris, Mylife, Been Verified..and more. In the next few paragraphs, I’ll list how you can search for your information and how you can remove it. Let’s start with Spokeo. First, go to www. spokeo.com and search for your name. When you find it, (Notice I did not say ‘if ’) copy the web link. Look over the information there. I want you to be aware of what is contained in that listing. Then, go to www.spokeo.com/optout and paste that link into the box. Enter your email address

How about also looking at what people can find out about you – without even giving them your permission? WHAT!?!?! Yes. Because we are living in an ever growing online driven world, the amount of information you willingly give out is staggering. You do it when you visit websites that ask to use ‘cookies’. You do it when you use social media, and you even do it when you pay bills online too! Do I have your attention now? Good. It’s time to start protecting yourself. With just two or three small bits of information, someone could easily steal your identity. We need to be proactive and we need to know what is out there – free for the asking- to people that wish to compromise us. The first way to start is to look at the sites that gather our information and assemble 322

and complete the captcha and click ‘Submit this listing’. You’ll get a confirmation link shortly and follow the instructions. Usually within 24 to 72hrs, your info is removed. Now, on to Intelius. Go to THIS page and enter your name and location. https://www. intelius.com/optout. Click ‘search. When you find your information, or even a listing that has some of your information, hit ‘select and continue’ to go to the next page where you will enter your email address to verify. Submit that and you’ll get an email with a link to verify. Follow the directions and in about 72hrs, you’re off of that site too!

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Let’s tackle Radaris now. You’ll go onto this site: https://radaris.com and enter your name and location. Once you find it, click it to select and then click the down arrow to the right of your name. Select “Control Information” from the drop down menu. This will take you to a new screen where you’ll need to create an account. Luckily it’s a quick process and you’ll have to enter minimal information. Next, enter your cell phone number into the box. You’ll receive a verification code via text message. Enter the code and hit “View My Account.” You now have the option to set your information to private and/or delete specific records. Mylife is one that can have a lot more info than the others. You’ll need to do the same thing here as for the previous sites. The average person can view your address, phone number, net worth and even the make and model of your car. They can also check out your criminal background history, bankruptcies, lawsuits, and liens. If you find any of this disturbing, the first step to removing your personal information from Mylife is to hit this site: https://www. mylife.com and find your listing. You may find more than one result under your nicknames, maiden names, etc. Be sure to make note of all of them when you ask Mylife to remove your personal information. Mylife offers two methods for deleting your personal information — phone or email.


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{ IN HER DEFENSE } Make some new things happen, start some new habits, or even refine what you may have already started! Here’s a good thing to start this year: Controlling your personal information online.

Email: Send a note to privacy@mylife.com and ask them to remove your information. Make sure you paste in any links to your profile name from their site. They may be a bit resistive and offer some services or other garbage but stick to your request and in a few emails, it will be done. The other option is to call. 888-704-1900 and ask the same thing. You’ll get a sales pitch there as well but you can get it taken care of. Last one to look at for now is Been Verified. Hit their site at https:// www.beenverified. com/f/optout/ search and, as with the others, enter the info and search for your name. On the results page, scroll down until you find your information. Select your name and enter your email address on the next screen. Check your inbox so you can click confirm on their verification email. Your information will be removed within 24 hours. Now, bear in mind that this can be a recurring process. You WILL have to do this periodically to ensure that the sites do not place your information online again in the future. The removal request is not usually permanent. You have to be diligent and take a peek every so often and make sure your information has not reappeared. There are probably hundreds of other sites that will list your information. If you are looking to dig further, you can spend a 324

lot of time doing this. Other sites such as USA People Search, Whitepages, 411. com, PrivateEye.com, PublicRecordsNOW, Zabasearch, PeekYou, AnyWho, and more and more and more. Essentially, you are giving up a lot of privacy and personal information for the convenience of using the internet and social media. Wait! Privacy? But my profile is set to ‘Friends

Only’ so no one else can see what I post, right? Wrong. That setting only prevents the casual observer/FaceBooker from seeing it. Once one of your friends comments on it, it’s free and ready to fly! You have to remember that you are the product for FaceBook. You get a free program to use for the low, low cost of your personal information, search history, demographics, and more. And you freely gave it away when you clicked ‘I agree’ when you signed up for the application.

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Is that bad? Who knows? If you have been following recent events, you’ll see that FaceBook has been getting into a lot of issues with who they have been providing your information to. They make billions off of your information. Just keep that in mind. What’s the end game with your info for you? Well, you cannot eliminate yourself from the internet. It’s just impossible to do. All you can achieve is to manage your information as best you can, keep an eye on your personal, banking, and other information, revie w your credit reports often, and sign up for an identity protection service such as LifeLock. That way, at least you will have a warning when something happens and you can minimize the damage early on. Look Dave Jenkins up on his company’s website at www.safeinrochester.com, or call him at 585-406-6758. He always more than willing to educate, chat, or work with you to obtain your goal of education and safety. Rochester Personal Defense and The LionsPride Training Group are the area’s predominant self defense and personal protection education company. Come find out why!


{ ROC FITNESS & CYCLING }

PURCHASING THE RIGHT TREADMILL THE FIRST TIME. BY JAMIE GRUTTADUARIA

How to purchase the right treadmill the first time. Did you know that all treadmills are NOT created equal. Some treadmills are not even made for running even though they can achieve speeds that would accommodate a running pace. Here are a few tips to make sure that you purchase the right treadmill the first time. One of the biggest mistakes I see consumers make is they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take the time to figure out what type of usage their new machine would be used for. Is it for a runner, walker, speed walker or a combination of the three? How many users are there going to using the machine on a regular basis? How much does each person weight and how tall are they? Your potential new treadmill should have specifications that will be able to match the answers to the above questions. So what do I need to look for? Well if you are a runner you need to look at the motorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s continues duty horsepower rating (CHP). We believe that a CHP rating should be a minimum of 3CHP. Now keep in mind if you have a user over 250lbs you may want to consider bumping up the rating closer to 4CHP. Another specification you should ask about is 326

the machines maximum user weight capacity. If you are a runner you want to double your body weight and try to get a machine that meets that weight specification. When you run on a treadmill you lift your entire body weight off the running deck for a split second and impact

the deck with force equivalent to twice your body weight. Another option to consider is the deck length and the treadmill cushioning system. If you are a runner you will more that likely have a longer gait length than a walker/speed walker. So make sure you get out and try some machines to make sure you are not kicking the front motor cover

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or are floating too close to the end of the machines deck surface. It is very unsettling not feeling secure enough with your deck area and may detour you from using your new machine. Another beneficial option available are cushioning and adjustable cushioning systems Lets face it our bodys are not getting any younger and joint preservation should be a top priority if you want to maintain your program for years to come. These new cushioning systems have been proven to be softer than running on grass or sand. I hope you can take these three specification and features to help you make an educated decision when purchasing your new treadmill. Treadmills unfortunately can be one of the most expensive machines to repair and buying a machine that is not built for the type of usage you are going to be putting the machine through can be a very expensive and discouraging proposition. Feel free to stop by our shop and test run on our demo models. We welcome the opportunity to educate you so that you buy your second treadmill the first time.


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{ LAW & HIPHOP }

THE CASE OF JEFFREY DESKOVIC BY CHERYL L. KATES, ESQ.

W H E N T H E INNOCENT CONFESS It was 1989. Jeffrey Deskovic was a mere 16-yearold, doing what teenagers do and starting to plan for his future. He attended Peekskill Highschool and was a sophomore. In the apartment complex he lived in he was the life of the party, playing basketball, kickball, dodgeball, stickball, riding bikes, playing monopoly, video games, swimming, and all the typical activities that active teens did. However, in school, where he was with kids that he was not familiar with, he was quiet, to himself, and did not fit it. He seemed strange to the kids in the school. His entire life was changed, uprooted and basically snuffed out after the victim in this matter was found November 15, 1989. In 1990, Jeffrey was arrested and went from being a student to a pre-trial detainee in the county jail. A year later, December 7, 1990, Jeffrey Deskovic was convicted of raping, strangling and killing his 15-year old classmate, Angela Correa and sentenced to (15-life). Jeffrey was a product of a single-mother household. The victim attended the same school as Jeffrey, but the two barely knew each other. She was in two of his classes as a freshman and one as a sophomore. They knew each other’s names, but that was the extent of it- they were not even on a hi-bye basis. On the date in question, Angela was out doing a school assignment with a tape recorder and camera. Two days later, her body was found. Jeffrey attended Angela’s wake and funeral. Jeffrey became a suspect because some of the students in the high school told the police that they might want to talk to him, because he seemed strange to them, the theory being that people who are quiet and to themselves commit heinous crimes. The other factor which put Jeffrey on the police radar is that the police found his emotional reaction to Angela’s murder to be suspicious- they interpreted his sensitivity to be an expression of remorse. Additionally, 332

the police got a psychological profile from the NYPS, hoping that knowing the perpetrators psychological characteristics would help in their investigation. Jeffrey matched the profile, so that was a reinforcing factor. Jeffrey was arrested in 1990. Jeffrey took a polygraph test without his mother’s knowledge. He was questioned for 6-7 hours by police without his mother being notified and without an attorney. He was 16. He was threatened and so he felt in fear of his life; he was emotionally and psychologically overwhelmed, plus he was falsely promised he would not be arrested if he

confessed- he would be able to go home. Desperate to end this ordeal, he finally made up a story based on the facts the officers presented to him about the case. He did not sign a confession. The confession was not audiotaped or videotaped. It was based solely on the reports of the investigating officers. Interestingly, the pre-trial DNA showed Jeffrey was not the person who raped the victim. Seeking to understand why the DNA did not match him, the police theory was that Angela must have had sex close enough to the murder and rape as to explain away the DNA, so they interviewed many people who knew her. They all told the police she had no boyfriend and that there was no consensual sex; but the police purposely failed to document those

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interviews so they did not have to turn them over to Jeffrey’s lawyer. Additionally, the medical examiner provided false information to assist the prosecutor, claiming to have rememberedeven though he had not documented it- that he found medical evidence showing that the victim had been sexually active. That allowed the prosecutor to argue the consensual sex theory. The public defender failed to defend Jeffrey zealously. He did not investigate Jeffrey’s alibi; failed to cross examine the medical examiner; did not explain to the jury the significance of the DNA not matching Jeffrey, nor did he use it to argue that it proved the confession was coerced and false. The DA engaged in misconduct for withholding evidence that the medical examiner had been complained of in neighboring counties by authorities for giving medically unsound testimony. His attorney did not allow Jeffrey to testify in his defense to explain why he falsely confessed. All of these factors played into the wrongful conviction. Jeffrey’s case is similar to many other people, who find themselves wrongfully convicted. He gave the police a false confession because of: the threat; the false promise; the misuse and abuse of the polygraph; the length of the interrogation combined with food deprivation; being isolated from his neighborhood, mother, and friends; being overwhelmed psychologically and emotionally; and his age (16). After being convicted of a sex offense and murder, Jeffrey became 91A0763 . He had two choices give up or lace up his boots and fight for his freedom. Jeffrey chose to fight. He lost seven appeals. He tried to appeal to the new DA who took office after he was convicted, Jeannine Pirro, and requested further DNA testing via the DNA Databank, but she refused. He got turned down for parole. Jeffrey caught a break in 2006, when newcomer, Janet DiFiore became DA and authorized the testing. The DNA test matched someone else (who was already in prison for a murder) and that individual later confessed to committing the crime, so Jeffrey’s conviction


{ LAW & HIPHOP }

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{ LAW & HIPHOP } Jeffrey was arrested in 1990. Jeffrey took a polygraph test without his mother’s knowledge. He was questioned for 6-7 hours by police without his mother being notified and without an attorney. He was 16.

was overturned. Why was he sent to prison in the first place, if the DA had information the DNA was not a match for Jeffrey Deskovic in this case? Jeffrey could be bitter having spent his “best years” of his life in prison (16 years) but he chose to do better. Jeffrey became an advocate, dedicating this life to fighting wrongful conviction. Jeffrey engages in public speaking, writing, giving media interviews, meeting with elected officials and testifying at legislative hearings, while finishing a BA from Mercy College and Masters Degree from the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, writing his thesis on the causes of wrongful conviction and its causes. When he received some financial compensation, wanting to take his advocacy to the next level, he committed some of his money to open The Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation for Justice, whose purpose is to free the wrongfully convicted and pursue policy changes designed to prevent wrongful convictions in the first place. He enrolled in Pace Law School and is close to finishing and becoming a lawyer himself. Jeffrey spends his time performing advocacy and was vital in working towards the establishment of the prosecutorial Misconduct Board in NYS. This was a great milestone and NYS is the first state in the nation to take on this role in criminal justice reform. Jeffrey’s Foundation has assisted two people in being exonerated, and has freed a total of seven who were wrongfully convicted.

THE INCIDENCE OF FALSE CONFESSIONS OF THE INNOCENT The Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation indicates according to the National Registry of Exoneration there have been 2,231 exonerations (5). In 2017 alone, there were 139 exonerations (5). Overall, 120,000 wrongfully convicted people remain in US prisons (5). The NY 334

Times ran an article on “Why Innocent People Confess?” (1) Author David Shipler concluded causation of coerced confessions stem from police interrogation techniques coupled with psychological or physical characteristics of defendants ( mentally ill, mentally challenged, suspects under the influence, juveniles, and defendants being subjected to over-zealous interrogation tactics including physical abuse, mental torment and emotional badgering) (1). Often people who are not familiar with the criminal justice system cannot believe why an innocent person would say they did something they didn’t do. It happens much more than you

would think. Criminal justice advocates rallied for an overhaul of police interrogation tactics for many years seeking video-taped interrogations, but it has not become a requirement as of yet in NYS. Shipler indicated, “False confessions were obtained in 24 % of the 289 exonerations via DNA in the Innocence Project cases” (1). So, approximately, 1 in 4 cases involved a false confession. That is a frequent problem not just something to bypass. The Innocence Project created a video entitled “Confessions: Getting It Right”. The video indicated “Confessions are contaminated where non-public facts are exposed to a suspect during an interrogation. Their confessions were then very detailed based on the facts the investigators fed the suspect” (2). The Project advocates for

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the reform of current police tactics and also the addition of evidentiary rules to safe-guard against false confessions being admitted into evidence in criminal trials. They would like to see videotaped confession, but also hearings to ascertain techniques used to obtain confessions before the evidence is allowed in a trial against a defendant (2). Charles Montaldo details in his article, research from Saul M. Kassin stating there are three types of false confessions: voluntary, compliant and internalized false confessions (3). Voluntary confessions are characterized and obtained by the suspect wanting to become famous for the crime he did not commit (3). Strange as it may seem, this does happen. The case cited was the Lindbergh kidnapping (3) In this case, close to 200 people claimed responsibility for the crime (3). In these types of cases, the underlying suspect is suffering from mental illness and seeks attention or notoriety for something they didn’t do when an opportunity presents itself (3). In addition, people may do this to help someone else, to make up for other transgressions or they are psychologically damaged and do not have the ability to distinguish between what happened and what didn’t’ (fact or fiction) (3). This still remains questionable, as a rational person is still left with the question “why would someone do, something like this?” A rational person knows, if they confess to a crime, they will be convicted of that crime and then sent to prison. Why on earth would someone want that to happen to them? In the internalized false confessions, the suspect is subjected to the police tactics where they are questioned for hours, deprived of food and water or in the alternative like Jeffrey fed coffee in large amounts to induce nervousness etc. Some suspects cave to authority figures and want to appease the investigators such as a young suspect, and/or someone who is suspect to suggestion or confused (3). This can be done


{ LAW & HIPHOP }

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{ LAW & HIPHOP } Jeffrey could be bitter having spent his “best years” of his life in prison (16 years) but he chose to do better. Jeffrey became an advocate, dedicating this life to fighting wrongful conviction.

remains questionable, as a rational person is still left with the question “why would someone do, something like this?” A rational person knows, if they confess to a crime, they will be convicted of that crime and then sent to prison. Why on earth would someone want that to happen to them? In the internalized false confessions, the suspect is subjected to the police tactics where they are questioned for hours, deprived of food and water or in the alternative like Jeffrey fed coffee in large amounts to induce nervousness etc. Some suspects cave to authority figures and want to appease the investigators such as a young suspect, and/or someone who is suspect to suggestion or confused (3). This can be done as the officers sometimes engage in trickery or make promises to the suspect which are later not up held (3). For example, the suspect is convinced if they just get this over with, they can go home (3).

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distrust the police. Many defendants are young people who have never had any contact with the criminal justice system. They are oblivious to fearing the system and the corruption which exists in interrogation tactics. Police often use the good cop, bad cop scenario where one officer gains the trust of the suspect and the other one applies the pressure. Similar tactics were used with exoneree Marty Tankleff (7). In his case, he was convicted of killing his parents. His mother died but his father was in a coma. Investigators made a fake call in his presence and informed the suspect his father woke up from the coma and indicated he

can do to help in the effort to advocate for reform, please check out the Innocence Project’s website (www.innocenceproject.com) and also the Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation at www. deskovicfoundation.org. Reform is needed, especially in NYS as we lead the pack in the number of wrongful convictions (6). There is no place for the use of deceptive police tactics and prosecutorial misconduct in a system that prides itself on due process. 1. Shipler, David ( 2012). Why Innocent People Confess? NY Times, Retrieved November 25, 2018 from www. https:NYTimes.com/2012/02/26/why-do-innocentpeople-confess.html 2. The Innocence Project ( 2018). False Confessions and Recording of Custodial Interrogation Retrieved November 25, 2018, from www. theinnocenceproject.org

The third type of confession is a compliant confession. This type of confession occurs when the police use extreme interrogation techniques (3). This is what occurred with Jeffrey Deskovic where he felt doing what investigators wanted was the only way out (3). This is usually the case when there is a lengthy interrogation involving beating, torture etc. (3).

was the person who killed his mother and shot him (7). Marty refused to sign the confession investigators prepared but was still convicted and given (50-Life) (7). Marty was 17 years-old (7). He served 20 years of his sentence before being exonerated (7). These deceptive practices need to be regulated. Wrongful convictions are not overturned easily.

In the Reilly case, (Peter Reilly) an 18 year-old confessed to killing his mother (compliant confession) (4). The police investigators gave this suspect a lie detector test and he passed it ( 4) They told the juvenile he in fact failed the test ( 4) His thought was he had nothing to hide, so he agreed to take the test (4), which happens when someone knows they didn’t do something they have no reason to otherwise

After hours of interrogation, people become worn down. Officers often make promises to the suspects for leniency with cooperation and or after they finish the interrogation the suspect is free to go. There really is no place in the criminal justice system for these unlawful tactics and it contributes to the problem of wrongful conviction as demonstrated. If you would like to learn more about what you

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3. Montaldo, Charles (2018) Why Do Innocent People Make False Confessions, ThoughtCo, Retrieved November 25, 2018, from www.thoughtco. com/why-do-innocentpeople-make-falseconfessions-972222 4. Chaussee, Jennifer (2016). Why People Confess To Crimes They Didn’t Commit, Wired, retrieved November 25, 2018 from wired.com 5. Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation ( 2018) Retrieved November 26, 2018, from www.jeffreydeskovicfoundation. com 6. Saloom, Stephen ( 2011). Prevent Wrongful Conviction Times Union, Retrieved November 26, 2018 from www.timesunion.com 7. Marty Tankleff ( 2018). Other False Confessions Cases, Retrieved November 26, 2018 from https://www. law.umich.edu/special/exoneration/pages/casedetail. aspx?caseid3675


{ HEALTHY WOMAN }

ARE YOU TURNING 65? BY MARTA CORTS

M E D I C A R E ADVANTAGE COVERAGE FOR THE WHOLE YOU

plan. So you want to make sure to get the coverage that meets your needs.

Over the years, you’ve reached several milestones: birthdays, weddings, promotions, maybe even grandchildren. Turning 65 is another one of those moments to cherish. It’s also your chance to sign up for a Medicare plan.

2. Do I want the flexibility to see any doctor?

1. What do extra benefits, such as vision, dental and hearing coverage, have to do with reaching my health goals?

3. Do I plan to travel outside the United States?

At Aetna we believe in the need to take care of the whole you — body, mind and spirit. That’s why our Medicare plans take a total approach to health, so you can age more actively. Our Medicare Advantage plans cover doctor visits and hospitalization in one simple plan. And they may also include: • $0 monthly plan premiums • Preventive care, including an annual wellness exam for $0 copay • No referrals to see innetwork specialists • Access to worldwide emergency and urgent care • Health and wellness programs, including SilverSneakers® fitness program membership at no extra cost It’s important to ask yourself the right questions. Doing so can help ensure you’re on the right path as you take the next step in your journey. Coverage options vary by 338

4. Do I need prescription drug coverage if I’m not taking a lot of medication? 5. Do I want to juggle multiple Medicare plans? For help answering these questions and more, call your local Aetna representative, Marta Corts. We can help simplify Medicare and connect you with the right coverage,

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resources, and care. We’re here to help you find the plan that fits! Marta Corts 1-585-353-0058 (TTY: 711) 7 days a week, 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. A licensed sales agent will answer your call. www.aetnamedicare.com Aetna Medicare is a PDP, HMO, PPO plan with a Medicare contract. Our SNPs also have contracts with State Medicaid programs. Enrollment in our plans depends on contract renewal. See Evidence of Coverage for a complete description of plan benefits, exclusions, limitations and conditions of coverage. Plan features and availability may vary by service area. This information is not a complete description of benefits. Call 1-855368-9337 (TTY: 711) for more information. Members who get “Extra Help” are not required to fill prescriptions at preferred network pharmacies in order to get Low Income Subsidy (LIS) copays. Other pharmacies, physicians and/or providers are available in our network. For accommodation of persons with special needs at meetings, call 1-855368-9337and TTY 711. Participating physicians, hospitals and other health care providers are independent contractors and are neither agents nor employees of Aetna. The availability of any particular provider cannot be guaranteed, and provider network composition is subject to change. Tivity Health and SilverSneakers are registered trademarks or trademarks of Tivity Health, Inc. and/or its subsidiaries and/or affiliates in the USA and/or other countries. © 2018 Tivity Health, Inc. All rights reserved.

©2019 Aetna Inc. Y0001_4002_15135_M_Final_1 Accepted 12/2018


{ HEALTHY WOMAN }

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{{ AUD SHIFT+CONTROL MAKEUP TALK} }

WHAT DO I DO? BY AUDREY AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY ABBY SICK I FACE MODEL: SKYLAR MAHANY

WHAT DO I DO BEFORE I MEET WITH MY MUA FOR MAKEUP APPLICATION?

Let’s start the year by answering the commonly asked question, “What do I do before I meet with my Makeup Artist for makeup application?” It is important to note that all MUAs have their own preferences for preparation, and you should always ask your artist what you should do if you are ever unsure. However, I am confident in stating I feel most will be able to agree with the tips I am sharing with you. Keep in mind ALL skin types, colors, etc. are different and everyone has different needs for both skin preparation and application. Based on this fact, I will be sharing BASIC preparation which can apply to everyone. For the sake of time, I will NOT be including recommended products for the various skin types. (Maybe that subject can be covered at a different time.) It is important to let your MUA know of any special treatments and accommodations you need and/ or can’t have due to any religious beliefs, photoshoot requirements, allergies, personal preferences, etc. BEFORE application begins. While it should be a priority for your MUA to ask you, it is also your duty to protect yourself by notifying them prior to your appointment.

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2) What look are you wanting from your MUA? a. Having example pictures to show your MUA in advance is helpful. i. Understand your face/eye shape may not be the same as the photo you are sharing as inspiration for your look. Your MUA may have to make adjustments accordingly to provide the most flattering look for you. 3) How much is the application going to cost? a. Are lashes extra, if so, how much? b. Do you also offer hairstyling, if so, how much? c. Is [insert whatever other thing comes to mind

you are as prepared as possible. As stated before, everyone has different needs, but everyone should prepare the same way before application. You should already have a daily and nightly skincare routine that is recommended for you and your skin type. If you do, that is wonderful! If you don’t, that is okay too! I’m here to help offer some advice about what you should do leading up to your appointment. If it is possible and within your budget, you should schedule a Facial with a professional within a week before your application. Some MUAs offer Facials, so it definitely doesn’t hurt to ask your MUA before seeking this service elsewhere. (It is a major plus if your MUA is a licensed Esthetician and is able to hook you up with said Facial because he/she will already be familiar with your skincare needs prior to makeup application. He/She can offer the best advice about how to care for your skin before and also after your application.) If you don’t have the option of getting a Facial, then here are a few helpful tips about caring for your skin (which should always be followed, but especially the week leading up to your appointment):

here] an option, if so, how much? d. Keep in mind tipping is always appreciated.

1) Don’t stay up late at night. a. Bags under the eyes can only be helped so much by makeup. i. Make sure to get a GOOD night of rest the day directly before your appointment.

You should have already discussed your meeting with you MUA prior to the preparation, but if you haven’t, here are a list of topics to discuss/ understand:

4) Don’t be afraid to reach out with questions or comments before meeting… Also, try to show up to your appointment about 10-15 minutes early, if possible. (Better to be early than late.)

2) Drink plenty of water. a. Staying hydrated helps keep your skin moisturized, and it also has MANY other great benefits for your overall health.

1) Where are you meeting for application? a. Does your MUA have a studio or are you meeting on-site (your home, wedding venue, photoshoot location, etc.)? b. What is the travel fee?

The most vital subject to cover when it comes to makeup application preparation is SKINCARE. An artist’s canvas needs to be as smooth, clean, and well-maintained as possible. Every professional MUA should be prepared for anything, but it certainly helps with the application process if

3) Don’t go to sleep with makeup on your face/body. a. clogged pores = dirty skin = acne/blackheads = no good

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4) Don’t pop pimples.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ AUD MAKEUP TALK} Keep in mind ALL skin types, colors, etc. are different and everyone has different needs for both skin preparation and application.

causes bleeding. Scabs and/or open wounds aren’t flattering for anyone… MUAs reserve the right to refuse application if they feel it is unsafe due to open wounds and/or possible infection. Scabs are much harder to hide than a pimple. 5) Don’t wash your face in the shower. a. Wash your face AFTER your shower since your pores are naturally opened because of the steam. The hot water you use in the shower is much too hot for your face and can cause redness and irritation…or worse. 6) Wash your face in the morning AND at night, making sure to follow up with any special serums and a moisturizer. a. This is where that note about how everyone’s skin is different comes into play MAJORLY… I can’t recommend any specifics for anyone because I don’t know your personal skincare needs. (Maybe I can cover this subject at a different time.) But I will say Murad, Dr. Brandt, and Dermalogica (in no specific order) are my top three recommended skincare brands for all skin types. 7) Exfoliate a day or two BEFORE your appointment. (Make sure to moisturize as well.) a. Removing the dead/dry skin prior to application is helpful, but doing so IMMEDIATELY before your appointment causes an unnecessary amount of redness and can cause your skin to be more sensitive than usual. i. Sensitive skin is NEVER good when it comes to using makeup… While certain products suggest they are great for sensitive skin, this doesn’t mean irritation can’t occur. It is possible, so it is better to be more mindful and safer instead of sorry. 8) Exfoliate and moisturize your lips before application. You CAN do this the day of application, but do so gently. a. You can use a sugar scrub to exfoliate your lips and your favorite Chapstick to moisturize just before meeting with your MUA. Again, your MUA should be fully prepared for anything… BUT your preparation can be EXTREMELY helpful. Helping your MUA by taking good care of your skin can lessen 342

the amount of time you spend in his/her chair, lessen the number of products used, lessen the number of steps required to achieve the desired look, etc. You get the picture, so I won’t elaborate any further about how important your skincare routine is… Now that skincare is covered, we can discuss the other important details like facial hair shaping and removal. You should do any waxing, plucking, threading, and/or shaving at least a few days before your appointment to allow time for possible redness to dissipate and to have time for any necessary adjustments (such as brow reshaping). Yes, the rumors are true… removing the baby hairs from your face can help shave off a few years and help you look younger. However, it isn’t necessary to do so. Your MUA should know the proper products and techniques recommended for every age, skin type, and color…and yes, that also means your MUA should know how to help you shave off a few years with makeup. IF you wish to remove hair before your appointment, you should seek a licensed professional who offers this service within the week prior to your appointment. The service you would be requesting is referred to as “Dermaplaning”. Dermaplaning is a technique where the outer layers of skin are exfoliated with the use of a blade – including hair. (Meaning you can skip the exfoliation step if you get this done because it should no longer be necessary.) Skincare, check! Facial hair, check! Now, onto what to bring… Yes, that’s right, I said BRING! Even though you are seeing an MUA who should have everything you may want or ever need, you should still come prepared as best as you can to have your appointment go as smoothly as possible. You should bring: 1) Your shade of foundation. a. While your MUA should have every shade available (or a means to mix and match), it is possible for some MUAs to struggle at matching your foundation. In which case, having your shade on hand greatly reduces the chances of your face being the completely wrong color. i. Helpful tip: You can visit your local Sephora and pick up some FREE samples. Most will allow you to pick ANY 3 samples. All you have to do is ask an associate for help. Unsure

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of what to pick up for yourself? Your shade of: a. Makeup Forever Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation b. Kat Von D Lock-It Foundation c. Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation Again, PLEASE keep in mind all MUAs have different preferences, expectations, and requirements. Also keep in mind I am speaking mostly in generalities and from my own education and experience. My statements aren’t necessarily geared more toward any specific type of person or group of people, and I am in no way tearing down anyone or any group of people with anything I have stated. I will admit, most of the work I do is captured by professional photographers, so I treat every application as if my client is getting ready for a professional photo shoot. Every photographer I know is expected to get photos back to clients within a week (in most cases) or even a few days. The less touchups required for each photo…the faster the photos can be edited and sent to the clients. My duty is to make the photographer’s job as easy as possible by providing a flawless makeup application. And YOU can make my job easier by providing a well-maintained canvas. We are in this as a team… And it all starts with you. <3 There is MUCH more preparation for you, as a whole (obviously), but for the sake of time and space in the magazine…I just covered MUA preparation. Want other subjects covered? Let me know, and see if your request is fulfilled in future articles... Contact me on my website and connect via Social Media with any questions, comments, or concerns about this article: www. AudMakeupArtistry.com. I look forward to hearing from you! *Special thanks to Abby Sick for capturing me in-the-zone during my makeup application with the lovely Skylar Mahany. I genuinely appreciate you capturing me literally glowing from within doing what I love to do!


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{ FASHION FORECAST }

FASHION FORECASTSPRING 2019 BY MARY KAY TANDLMAYER

It’s mid-January, and the seed and flower catalogs are arriving in the mailbox. A glimmer of hope for fairer weather, longer days, and the promise of a new season. Wednesday March 20, 2019 hails the first day of Spring here in Rochester. Our minds and attitudes turn to what to wear, and what are the latest trends this season? Look no further, we have searched out what the hottest trends will be for Spring 2019! All things floral will be one of the highlights this season. But the trendiest florals will be large prints, with bold colors. Florals adorn everything, from swingy tops, to pants, skirts and all accessories. If you tend to steer away from prints, but want to look on point- consider adding small pieces, such as a scarf, purse, or chunky floral bangle as a subtle “nod” to this trend. Embrace it, as we will see florals carry on strong throughout the summer months as well. Another big emphasis we are seeing is the classic polka-dot, and we are so excited! This print is being presented on the run-ways in all sizes and colors. We love seeing this pattern- it’s so versatile to wear for any shape and size, and it’s a print that never truly goes out of style. Trendier versions of the polka-dot are being showcased on blouses, and are over-sized, although the pattern is showing up in other pieces as well, including shoes and booties. This is certainly a print to invest in, as you will enjoy many years of wearing it. 348

Color plays an important role in Spring fashion, and this Spring the emphasis is on yellow. All shades of yellow are gracing the cat-walks, from deep mustard, sunny bright and the palest of hues. Yellow is the brightest color of the spectrum, and the most noticeable color to the human eye. The psychological impact of this color is notable: associated with sunshine, it can create a feel good mood of happiness. It is

the color of enthusiasm, hope, creativity and high energy. If you are not a fan of wearing all yellow, add a dose of this mood brightening color to your outfit in the form of eye popping earrings, or a bright handbag, scarf or wrap. Classic Camel is another hue that is making a big splash this season. Look for it in a svelte tailored suit, dresses, skirts and pants.

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Always polished, always elegant, it’s a color that should be a staple in every closet. Speaking of handbags, love them or hate them, we are seeing the return of the infamous “fanny pack” or belt bag or even “bum bag” as our friends across the pond call them. These interesting little accessories originally debuted in the 1980’s, but became a fashion musthave in the 1990’s. Kendall Jenner has been seen sporting these bags, paving the way for them to become somewhat popular once again. Designers such as Versace, Prada, Gucci and Louis Vuitton have all launched their luxury versions. Even Nike jumped on board with this trend with a “mandal” which features a zippable pocket. Every color, texture and print is available, from leather , nylon, canvas to dressier satin and beaded styles. The convenience of having your belongings at your finger tips, and security of having your valuables attached to your body are an indispensable asset to adding one of these utilitarian pieces to your stash of go-to accessories. If the Spring trends are not your cup of tea, don’t fret- Spring is a short season, and summer fashion is right around the corner. In the March issue of RWM, we will take a look at what to look forward to fashion wise for the warmer months ahead. Until then, it’s not too soon to update your look by adding a few of these up and coming pieces to your ensemble! Happy shopping!


{ FASHION FORECAST } Color plays an important role in Spring fashion, and this Spring the emphasis is on yellow. All shades of yellow are gracing the cat-walks, from deep mustard, sunny bright and the palest of hues.

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WOMEN WHO INSPIRE } } } WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE { {A WOMAN WHO INSPIRES

LOVING YOURSELF BY GIOVANNA WALTON

Ok girls, what does loving yourself look like? I’ll wait. Is it taking a nice relaxing bath by candlelight? A massage? Manicure and pedicure? You get the idea. Although those are great ways to take care of ourselves and show we love ourselves on the outside, it goes deeper than that. Loving yourself is being content with EVERYTHING that is about you, your flaws, faults your mind a n d k n ow i n g that you were created special to be uniquely YOU!!!! It’s waking up with confidence and carrying it with you throughout the day. It’s waking up knowing that you’re beautiful when you look in the mirror, no matter if you think you’re too tall or too short, wide or narrow, straight teeth or not...small butt or big butt! Now big butts are in! Lucky me! Accept yourself for the person you were created to be! Beauty comes from within your heart because when you love yourself your whole spirit glows and people notice that, not all the other stuff. Well Giovanna, how do I do that when 350

all my life... Or, G, I avoid the mirror at all cost because I just don’t like what I see.... I understand because I went through it. People get through it in different ways. For myself, personally, I found God, not that He was lost but I was lost. It wasn’t until I started knowing Him that my fears were set free. I started embracing, appreciating and

loving myself and most of all, accepting myself for who God created me to be! No, this isn’t some way to get you to convert or to say this is what you have to do but, I’m being upfront and honest for what changed in my life. How can you start learning to love yourself? Look in the mirror everyday

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when you awake, go to the bathroom and tell yourself, ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am beautiful’! It’s gonna seem weird at first but when you do it enough and believe what you’re saying you WILL believe it because THAT’S the truth!!! There’s nothing wrong with making a few changes to take care of yourself! I was not feeling happy with the pounds I put on from the stress living with someone who didn’t care. (That’s a whole other story!). Anyway, I started eating healthier, I read the bible every morning before work, I joined the gym and I started to take off from there! It was a process. It didn’t happen overnight. I really had to be patient with myself! You have to be patient with yourself too! You can’t love another person until you love yourself. That is a true saying because everything you’re not happy with in yourself will be portrayed on the person you’re with. The relationship won’t work. Keep doing the wake up and mirror talk until next column! I’ll have more next edition in RWO. My email address is: giovannajwRWO@gmail.com.


WOMENWHO WHOINSPIRES INSPIRE } } { { WOMAN

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{ YOU MATTER }

WORD BY JUDI SWANSON

Dictionary.com defines word as “a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning”. Language is defined by Dictionary.com as “the method of human communication, either spoken or written, consisting of the use of words in a structured and conventional way”.

confidence and capability. Our words can instill belief and spread goodwill. Words can heal, comfort, and care.

How people communicate comes down to the use of our words and language, whether we are speaking, writing, using sign language, gesturing, or singing. I am pretty sure if I took a vote on the meaning of certain gestures 99.9% of people would have the same definition.

Have you ever noticed with language we categorize people sometimes, and other times not? One of my friends successfully battled breast cancer. Woohoo for her! I

Words, language are potent and powerful, carry value and meaning. What we say and how we say it has influence. Our words can heal and our words can wound.

The core and foundation of the relationship with ourselves and with others boils down to what we say and how we say it. It’s that easy and that complicated. Do actions matter? Absolutfreakin-lutely. Words of caring and respect combined with actions that are uncaring and disrespectful create relationships of mistrust and uncertainty. Silence can speak volumes even though not a sound is being heard. Remember the childhood saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? For many of us, myself included, there are memories of people in our lives who said hurtful statements. Words that linger, haunt, and hurt in many painful ways. Words can cut like a knife with sharp blades that cause wounds in our spirit and soul. Words can also empower, support, and inspire. They can increase feelings of 354

describe her as my friend who beat breast cancer. I do not say my breast cancer friend. Individuals who are homeless are often referred to as homeless people. We say a person is a good person or perhaps a bad person, people with mental health issues are crazy, but wait for others they were a good person who made a mistake. If you have the flu are you the flu person or the person with the flu? A person who is addicted to substances is often an addict instead of a

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person with an addiction. What about what we say and think about ourselves? Huffpost reports we have between 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day, 35-48 thoughts per minute. Let’s say you think an average of 60,000 per day and that 15,000 of those thoughts are about yourself. Are your self-thoughts positive, strong, empowering, motivating? Do you build yourself up or tear yourself down? Do you criticize yourself? Take a moment to be still and listen to the voices in your head. What are they saying and what are they saying about you? Our brains are hardwired to be negative. We also have the ability of plasticity to shape or mold our thoughts to be positive. Research clearly demonstrates that chronic negativity can create chronic stress and hurt our body. The words and language you use in your head and how you describe yourself can hurt, wound, defeat, limit you. Just like being around someone with the flu you can infect yourself and your body with negativity. This is called psychoneuroimmunology. The mind/body connection. Our words and language when we talk with or describe anyone are reflections of how we feel about ourselves. We spread to others what we say, think, and feel about ourselves. As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t either way you are right”. Here is the GREAT news! Incredibly,


Buddha say it best when he said â&#x20AC;&#x153;You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affectionâ&#x20AC;?.


powerful, liberating news! YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING THOUGHTS! You have the power to CHANGE the words and language of your internal thinking and the external words and language to say to others! Yep you possess that super cool ability. You can change the plasticity of your mind.

and over, until you begin to feel better. Once you feel better reflect upon what happened. Describe it with positive, empowering, strong words and language. Use constructive criticism. Do not shame. No one in the world is perfect. We are all on the learning curve called life.

were shaming yourself or others, replace those thoughts with strong, empowering words. “I only ran two miles” could be “I ran two miles”. State your strong positive words and statements all the time. The more you do this increases a consistent pattern of positive thinking.

Change your WORD:

Here is where you begin. Start by paying close attention to the chatter going on in your head. Listen in to the themes, words, statements, language. What are you saying about yourself? About others? Once you have assessed the situation, take stock, and begin.

W - WONDER what you are thinking and saying about yourself and others.

D – DEDICATE with effort and time replacing negating negative thoughts and feelings with affirming, capable, substantial words, language. Do this often and the best you can. Be kind and gentle with yourself as your work through this change.

Pick for yourself a statement of strength to describe yourself. Mine is “I am brilliant, bright, brave, and beautiful”. After EVERY interaction that makes you question yourself in any way shape or form say your phrase of strength over 356

O – OBTAIN a personal statement of strength to use when negative, shaming thoughts run through your mind about yourself or about others. Feel free to use mine if it works for you. R – REPETITIOUSLY state in your mind your statement of strength, along with positive, affirming, kind words about yourself and others. As you reflect upon situations and interactions where you

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

Buddha say it best when he said “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”. Word.


{ WOMEN { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’SLEADERSHIP REPORT } } }

SEVEN SUCCESSFUL PRACTICES OF WOMEN LEADERS BY BOBBIE GOHEEN

“CHANCE FAVORS A PREPARED MIND.” When you see any woman who has excelled in her profession you will find a woman who has invested in herself. Very few are promoted or gain awards without the ability to grow and develop as a leader. I have had the good fortune to experience the positive impact of education and professional development in my career. In addition, I have had the opportunity to work with many successful executive women and seen how the investment i n t h e m s e l ve s determined the altitude of their trajectory.

advance their understanding of the world. They have a coach to continue to hone the asset of who they are in all venues. They are not cheap when it comes to investing in themselves to ensure they have every advantage to achieving their goal. 2. CLARITY OF VISION – they

He re a re fundamentals to achievement and growth for women leaders: 1. CONSISTENT INVESTMENT– in education, development and professional growth. Successful women executives and entrepreneurs consistently attend conferences to learn what is evolving in their genre of work. They join peer groups to learn and ignite their growth. They have many mentors. They attend leadership and executive programs to 358

have a true sense of purpose. They understand their “why”. They are clear in their goals, they develop a plan, they focus on the essentials, and they communicate well. They consistently listen and learn to find even better ways to achieve their goals. 3. CONNECTION SYNERGY – they

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know they will not achieve their goals alone. They create strong and valued alliances, partnerships, relationships, colleagues and staff who feel valued to be a part of building the dream. They keep their connections over time even when the active engagement may be less, they cherish and appreciate those who helped them get to where they are today and where they are going. Those who know them feel like their lives are better for the connection and value their leadership and vision. 4. CHARACTER- they are perfectly imperfect. They are not always the most loved person in the room and often they are the most respected. They speak their truth with clarity and confidence. They are not trying to be the perfect leader or professional, they are more focused on achieving something which has a positive impact on the many. They have an astute, analytical mind for their area of professional interest and usually apply their skills creatively. They are multi-faceted. They may be focused, brilliant and driven on achieving their professional goals, while being feminine, fun, and frivolous when hanging out with their girlfriends. They are dynamic women.


{ WOMEN { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;SLEADERSHIP REPORT } } } If you are hungry to rise in your profession, your career, your marketplace, etc. Invest in you. Take every opportunity that is offered to learn.

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{ WOMEN LEADERSHIP } When you see any woman who has excelled in her profession you will find a woman who has invested in herself.

l interest and usually apply their skills creatively. They are multi-faceted. They may be focused, brilliant and driven on achieving their professional goals, while being feminine, fun, and frivolous when hanging out with their girlfriends. They are dynamic women. 5. CONTINUUM OF KNOWLEDGE – they have wide and varied interests. They are curious about the world around them and learn in all scenarios. They are not one dimensional but multi- faceted in their experience and knowledge of the world. They are hungry to understand what they don’t know and eager to explore unknown arenas. They have odd bits of knowledge on a variety of topics. This ability to learn beyond their world creates a continuum of knowledge 360

and resourcefulness to utilize creatively in their work and play. 6. WORLD PLAYERS – they look at their work as having a global impact. They see beyond the day-to-day into the larger world. They communicate their vision as having an impact on the world and generations to come. Because of this ability they make positive change happen that indeed makes the world a better place. 7. COURAGEOUS STORYTELLING – they communicate well in all venues about the journey of their life. All of us experience tough and difficult situations. Some communicate these moments as reasons to stay stuck. Successful women leaders communicate these moments as

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seminal life insights which led them to the path they are on. They focus on the choices they made to honor themselves in tough situations. This storytelling of personal heroism is part of the fuel and drive of the leader. They are mindful to not use words against themselves in any way. If you are hungry to rise in your profession, your career, your marketplace, etc. Invest in you. Take every opportunity that is offered to learn. Be a student of life and your professional field. Take the initiative to invest in yourself. Always remember the old adage, “buy cheap, get….” Invest the best in you! Bobbie Goheen


{ RW FITNESS }

A MESSAGE FROM ME TO YOU... BY NOAH JOBIN

A message from me to you. Just take the first step. Yes, I know it may seems scary and you likely won’t know a lot, but it will be ok, I promise you, because it will get better. With every passing day it will get easier, you’ll become more confident, you’ll build a routine and 6 months from now you’ll look back and see the changes, you’ll be happy with yourself, but none of this will happen unless you take that first small scary step, that in time will change your life. Don’t

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worry about what other people are going, they aren’t you. They have a different story and it’s time for you to write your own. If you’re unsure of yourself, ask for help and if you’re not comfortable with doing so, research the information you’re interested in. However, don’t just look for the shredded guy with nice abs or the biggest guy with all the muscle that lifts the most weight because even these people can have a misunderstanding of what’s truly best for YOU. Use resources and people of clout with

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scientific knowledge and practical proven applications. I highly recommend Athlean x. Dr. Layne Norton, Dr. Brad Schoenfeld, Dr. Mike Israetel and Dr. Eric Helms. All these people have decades of research, experience and are very accomplished inside the fitness and bodybuilding community. You can do it. You just have to try. You’re capable of accomplishing great things. You’re stronger than you know. I promise.


{ TRAVELING WITH ROCHESTER WOMAN }

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LEAP INTO THE NEW YEAR … WITH JOY LECCESE – Transformational Life Coaching and Consulting

Create your Life by Design: Go Gutsy!

THEGUTSYWOMANCOACH@GMAIL.COM OR CALL ME: 585-484-1891


{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE }

BRINGING PEACE INTO THE NEW YEAR BY LISA A. WAGNER

BRINGING PEACE INTO THE NEW YEAR For many, 2018 was a turbulent year filled with uncertainty and angst. But for so many I know, it was a year of beautiful beginnings and joy. Funny how there can be such a dichotomy of experiences. For myself and my family, it was a year of very high highs, moments of serenity and super low lows. It was like the roller coaster that never stayed parked at the station for long. That left me feeling disconcerted and a bit disconnected from my normally easygoing and centered place. I needed to seek out people, activities and my inner knowing to find my way back-a path in which I am still traversing.

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great? To be looked up to or an authority of anything? Well, I don’t know who invited that loud mouth to the party to drag you down, but someone should show it the door. The more we try to move away from ego, the more it calls into question our greatness. The louder and pushier it becomes. Your strength and faith in your divine self can help you stand up to that bully. Can you even imagine if someone spoke to you or a loved one that way? How long would we ever allow that? Probably

When we are not in our state of flow and feeling connected, we need to discover ways that bring us back to our true selves. It is hard work but the rewards that are there waiting to be reaped are like brilliant pots of gold. This happens when we relinquish control of the outcome and our expectations and allow for the lessons that we are here to learn. So, how do we do that? Loads of practice, my friends and a fierce determination to be our greatest gift.

not for a single second. So, let’s begin to love ourselves as much as those around us and begin to move through our fear and into the flow state of love. Moving away from a self-sabotage, imposter syndrome mindset can be incredibly freeing!

Ego would love to hold you back, make you believe that you’re crazy for believing you could ever be that! That which you are being called to do and be. Who the hell do you think you are to be a leader? To be

Art has always been a way for me to release my fears and be in alignment with something greater than me. It removes the space between me and the bliss of the Universe. It has been said to be something close to nirvana. I

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know that I personally have experienced that feeling and walk away with such lasting gratitude for that slice of peace. While doing my intuitive painting, there is a seemingly divine presence there leading my hand and my mind. For a brief time, my left brain is quiet and allows for messages and images that I know I personally was just the vessel for their creation. It becomes a way for me to be of service to something greater for others to lay witness to. Tapping into that is calming and helps me to feels as though I am being guided and taken care of. Another beautiful practice for me has been meditation. I now consider it my favorite job each day to be still and listen. Somedays I’m better at it than others. When I hear folks say that they “aren’t good at it” or “I can’t quiet my mind enough to do it,” I’m dying to tell them that that’s good because it proves you’re human. If your mind didn’t say anything you’d either be dead or catatonic. Definitely not the goal that any meditation guru would want you to be seeking! There are so many wonderful app’s that are available to help you on that journey but hey, even one minute of mindfulness can be a lifesaver. Imagine what it would be like to have a sliver of peacefulness each day and to not be so reactive in your life? To help you release expectations and just allow things to be. I personally have found that this daily practice has made me so much more reflective and less edgy. I’m sure my family is grateful for that. I wish someone had


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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } “Journaling has also been a key component to my daily practice towards inner peace. It also helps solidify what I am striving for in my life. The written word can be so incredibly powerful and lasting.”

told me about this when my now grown children were little. They often are not only our greatest teachers but they’re also amazing meditators. If we all did this not only for ourselves but taught our little ones how to be mindful, our future might start to feel incredibly hopeful. During our difficult moments this year, those that love us, and we love in return were always there to support, guide and strengthen us. That’s when you know you’re surrounded by good souls. Daily calls, texts and emails were coming in droves. Heartfelt messages of their deep belief in us and our family, our ability to rise above and to fight were so moving. Connection to those who love you unconditionally, without judgement or expectation is probably the greatest gift of all. Their service for you is inspired by the light and vibe you’re putting out into the world. To have your greatness reflected to you in this sparkling act of kindness can change even the darkest trajectory. It holds you up when you think you don’t have the wherewithal to stand up or even breath. It lets you know that you are enough. That you are fully loved and deserving. We are all worthy of love but especially self-love. We are all one and can be a light for one another. It’s what brings light into our days and hope for what’s ahead. Journaling has also been a key component to my daily practice towards inner peace. It also helps solidify what I am striving for in my life. The written word can be 368

so incredibly powerful and lasting. Upon the clock striking midnight and beginning the new year, I decided that journaling my hopes for myself and my personal growth would be of the most service. Resolutions and goals sometimes can derail us and make us feel like failures. How many times have we made them only to disappoint ourselves for not achieving what sounded like the perfect ideals to live a better and more fulfilled life? With hope, you can

relieve yourself of what your perceived you should become and instead just be. Wouldn’t it feel better to allow for just doing and being our best each day? To look at what we need improvement on briefly and then spend more time feeling good about how well we’ve begun to handle what used to be our greatest challenges? Now that sounds manageable! And guess what?! If you really failed today, no biggie! There’s always tomorrow and I would be willing to bet that failure is about to become your best teacher. Gabby Berstein says that “obstacles

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are detours in the right direction.” What a beautiful way to transform what felt bad not even moments before. I read that line from her book, The Universe Has Your Back, while in the midst of a very difficult day and decided to take a moment with it. While doing so, I saw something out the corner of my eye. There was a Collins hawk sitting on my fence staring at me. Wow! Guess I needed to sit up and pay attention! I decided to make a poster of that saying and put it up on my kitchen pantry door to remind myself that these difficult lessons may bring pain, but they also then allow for deep healing and a redirection of our perceptions. Let’s each take the time this year to begin again and find practices that elevate our souls. Become a seeker. Be kind to yourself and release all judgement and expectations. There is beauty waiting to be beholden in your life. You are meant for greatness and you are beautifully enough. Find grace and gratitude in the smallest of moments and things so that your priorities shift into a state of peaceful flow. You’re worth it. We are all worth it and only love can set us free. Fear has no business in your space so claim it as your own in alignment with all things that derive from the unabashedly infinite power of love. It will help you rise up and be who you are meant to be and inspire others to do the same. That is where the gift truly lies. May peace be your constant companion, and may your year bring you boundless joy! All the best to you and yours.


{ THE COUNSELING { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’S REPORT MOVEMENT }} }

THE POSITIVE IMPACTS OF EXERCISE ON BODY IMAGE BY NICOLE LAMBERT

Growing up, I looked at my body as something that could be better (look better, do better), and I took it for granted. I wasn’t grateful that it could allow me to ride horses, play lacrosse, run with my dog, jump on a trampoline, Ukrainian dance, bike with my friends, hike, you get the idea. I was mean to my body more times than I was nice. I treated it like it was an unwelcome visitor, here to make life more difficult for me.

emotional and mental progress. (That takes time and is different for everyone!) In regards to physical progress, and I’m not only talking about changes in the shape of my body, but I’m also

(Yes that’s me!) If you struggle with body image then you probably don’t believe that your body is an incredible machine capable of so much more than you ever give it credit for. But IT IS! I didn’t believe this until I actually started to work on my relationship with my body. The most impactful thing I did was to find an exercise routine that complimented my lifestyle and my goals. This wasn’t the only thing I did, but exercise was what allowed me to see physical progress when I was discouraged for not seeing more 370

talking about changes that went deeper than that. I noticed myself getting stronger, faster at running, my posture improved, I slept better, and I felt more productive and accomplished. I was bridging the gap between my self,

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my mind, and my body. I started my journey wanting to just be happier with the way I looked, but I ended up with so much more. I can say that I am truly grateful for all that my body can do and allows me to do. In 2013, a Gender and Body Image study revealed that only 11% of adult women over the age of 45 in the United States are satisfied with their appearance. Most research suggests that exercise does have a positive impact on body image. Research has shown that those who exercise have a better body image than those who don’t, even if they don’t see physical changes in their physique. (Millslagle, D.) Three main things enhance body image when exercise is incorporated. 1. It improves overall fitness. A no brainer. 2. It increases one’s awareness of physical capabilities, which may in turn reduce an individual’s focus on their physical appearance.


{ THE COUNSELING { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’S REPORT MOVEMENT }} } If you struggle with body image then you probably don’t believe that your body is an incredible machine capable of so much more than you ever give it credit for. But IT IS!

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{ THE COUNSELING MOVEMENT } In 2013, a Gender and Body Image study revealed that only 11% of adult women over the age of 45 in the United States are satisfied with their appearance.

3. It increases self-efficacy in that exercise makes the body stronger, which in turn creates a sense of accomplishment. Exercise routines require hard work, determination, and persistence, but the impacts on mental health are invaluable. Therefore, I encourage all of my clients to engage in an exercise routine that fits their lifestyle. Anything is fair game! Kayaking, 372

hiking, yoga, walking, weightlifting, running, biking, anything that gets them moving! I ask them to not focus on losing weight or inches, but instead focus on what they are gaining. Are they getting faster? Can they notice themselves getting stronger? Are they able to lift heavier weights? Has their balance improved? Can they go farther without getting tired? Can they finally do that difficult yoga pose?

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We often approach our weight and bodies with the idea that we need get rid of fat or change itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shape that we forget to notice all the things we gain along the way. Sources Millslagle, D. (n.d.). Retrieved June 10, 2015, from www.d.umn.edu/ ~dmillsla/courses/Exercise Adherence/documents/ Bodyimageexercise.pdf


Do you Þnd that while you strive to be physically healthy and strong, your emotional and mental health is suffering? My aim is to help you Þnd a balance between your mind and body; to create a still mind for your active body. My name is Nicole Lambert. I am a: - Licensed Mental Health Counselor - Nationally CertiÞed Counselor I specialize in: - Body Image Issues - Emotional Eating - Weight Loss Goals & Maintenance - Self-Esteem - Depression - Anxiety - Athletes/Student Athletes - Those who are active/want to be more active

I work with: - Adolescents - Teens - Adults of all ages I also work with a wide range of individuals with other emotional or mental health challenges. What ever it is you are going through, don't hesitate to reach out. I’d love to learn more about you and I’m happy to help!

www.movementcounselingservicves.com

(585) 257-0529


{ PRODUCT { SHIFT+CONTROL HIGHLIGHT } }

RODAN & FIELDS BY LAURA CUBAS-HOELSCHER

You might ask what causes a woman to join a direct sales company. Well I can tell you why this woman did. I am a wife of almost 16 years, and a mother to a funny, smart and beautiful little girl with Aspergers and a few other challenges. I was working 50+ hours a week, some of it after hours at home, Monday through Friday. And then I got ill. For a long time, no one would tell me what it was. It was Lupus, it was Lyme disease, lets run more tests. Finally I got a diagnosis of Severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. I started treatment, but I have never been the same since. Energy, pain, stamina has all shifted. I had to slow way down, and that included leaving a job of 20 years.

well. Both sets of clients are given a 60 Day Empty Bottle Guarantee. They offer rewards from everything from throws, to purses, computers, smart watches, to trips and a car. All while working your business.

To this day I have not once regretted joining this company. I get paid every month to share my results, the products and this opportunity with my friends, family and community. I have met women and men that have been there and supported me through some of the darkest times of my life. And I am building something that I can pass on to my child. You know what, I do regret something… Not joining sooner!

I had been watching a friend of mine post on Social Media, about how she had left her nursing career, and was able to stay at home with her youngest child. I knew she had a good head on her shoulders, so I called her up and asked “Christina, what is this Rodan and Fields thing you are doing all about?”

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off to school, over a lunch with friends, or just waiting in a waiting room. You can work this business for just 15 minutes at a time. You answer to no one but yourself and that freedom has been amazing!

If you would like more information on products, the opportunity or a free sample, please email me at laura.cubas@ymail.com Get Personal Skin Care Recommendations NOW!

We talked for about an hour that day, and we haven’t gone more than a few days of talking since! I saw the tremendous growth opportunity in skincare, and a company that Forbes, Allure, the Today Show and others all raved about. I saw an opportunity to work with two Stanford trained dermatologists, the same ones from Proactiv. And I saw the chance to stay home with my daughter, and still bring in an income that my family desperately needed.

Reach out to me today and use the Solution Tool!

That is something that my old job never offered me.

This company truly cares, not only for its consultants but for its customers as

I work when I want to work, when it is best for me. Whether it is after I get my child

Skin care products aren’t one size fits all. That’s why Rodan and Fields customers LOVE their personalized recommendations they receive from consultants and their innovative Solution Tool!

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Place your first order to receive $40 off of $120 or $70 off of $200. Get in touch with me TODAY to find the productions that will become part of your regular routine!


{ PRODUCT { SHIFT+CONTROL HIGHLIGHT } } This company truly cares, not only for its consultants but for its customers as well. Both sets of clients are given a 60 Day Empty Bottle Guarantee

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{{ A SHIFT+CONTROL BEAUTIFUL MESS }}

FOCUSING ON THE BEAUTY IN THE MESS BY CHRISTI JOY

We have all been there. The alarm goes off, seemingly earlier each morning, beginning your rush to get out the door. You make a mad dash to the coffee pot ensuring that it’s brewed by the end of your shower. On your way out the door, you grab that granola bar to eat in the car on during your commute. You walk into work, thankfully right on time, only to realize you left your coffee at home. The messy morning unravels further as you find your co-workers having a seemingly perfect morning. They are full of energy and oh so “pulled together.” Oh look, they even remembered their coffee. Maybe for you, your morning was a fight to get the kids moving and out the door for school. Your morning continued to go downhill as you entered that play date you weekly attend. You walked through the door to see each mother with their prim and proper child. They calmly sitting around the table, hair and make-up done, talking about the latest milestone their child completed that week. There you are, feeling like a failure, fortunate that you remembered to grab the diaper bag during the mad rush out the door. Whatever your messy mornings look like, we can all relate to mornings where we find ourselves at the end of our rope. When we start to digest all of our emotions in these situations, it’s no 378

wonder we feel so defeated. Comparing our lives to those we see around us, will guarantee that our lives fall short. Let me let you all in on a little secret, one that at face value may seem obvious.

It’s probably even crossed your mind before. Everyone has crappy mornings, days, and weeks. No one is exempt. We are all a beautiful mess. Our weaknesses and struggles may be different, but we all have them. Let this sink in: We are all a mess. If I have to be completely honest, I regularly find myself in this rut. The comparison game. Comparing my life to

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those around me, only focusing on my ugly moments and hardships. When you think about it, these comparisons really are unfair to us. My friend Laurie loves to remind me that “those social media posts and happy observed moments in a person’s life are all moments from that person’s highlight reel.” This statement became a game changer for me. It’s important to recognize that no matter how crazy life gets, there is still beauty to be found. As we start this New Year, I want to challenge you to join me in recognizing your messes and finding ways to make them Beautiful. Learn from your failures but do not fixate on them, creating beauty in our messy situations. Then focus on those beautiful moments. Maureen Dowd, an author and columnist for The New York Times, reminds us that “the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Likewise, one of my favorite motivational speakers, John Maxwell, adds to this in his book Own Your Dreams, as he states that “the difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.” Embrace the fact that no one is perfect despite what it may seem. Recognize that we can have a beautifully positive new year. Know your life does have beauty.


{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY } }

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{ {BEAUTY {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’SCREATIONS REPORT } } }

INTRODUCING EMILY MAZZA BY CHERYL L. KATES, ESQ

Rochester Woman Online is pleased to introduce our latest beauty writer Emily Mazza. Emily is a young inspiring make-up artist. She’s ready to share her secrets with the latest beauty column co-columning with her bestie Alley Belapanno. The column is going to be called “The Beauty Junkies”.

Exposure always assists in establishing yourself in the industry. Emily sometimes suffers from depression. This is a constant obstacle for her as it often contributes to her becoming uninspired. She loves

Emily said, “I’ve always loved makeup. Even when I was a little girl, I’d always steal my mother’s makeup bag and paint my face with all of her Avon products. As I got older, I became a reclusive person due to experiencing childhood bullying. I watched a lot of beauty videos and began experimenting with makeup. My love for the art extends to my roots of being. Friends began asking me to do their makeup. This is when I first learned, “Wow! I can actually make money doing something I enjoy”. Emily shares knowledge we should always stay humble. Education is the key to staying relevant so never stop learning. She spreads the message that no one is better than anyone else. You can always learn something new. New techniques are always evolving so you must as a makeup artist continue to perfect your craft! Emily sets her goals and works towards them. She would like to develop her own brand and to create a look on a celebrity. 380

what she does, so it is often her love for the artistry which inspires her to get back on track. Her artistry allows her to work through negative feelings and to express herself. This is always a positive aspect of her life even during tough times.

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Emily indicates her mother was a great role model for her as he too is a hair stylist and make up artist. She always supported her dream. Emily was often surprised with gifts of new pallets and or brushes This always helped give her an outlet for developing her creativity. She is also grateful for her boyfriend who always supports her dreams and offers support to always push her in the right direction. Having a strong support system is often a key factor in a young entrepreneur’s success as it’s tough when you just get started in the industry. People are cruel. Despite all of the supportive people in the world, there are always people who try to tear others down. Social media has allowed this to intensify immensely. The web is a world full of potential clients, but it is also a world full of down low haters, who love to spread negativity. Having a supportive family system helps when you are still learning and gaining confidence in your abilities. Emily and Ally are excited to join you in spreading their knowledge of beauty. Emily will share helpful tips every month, so you can take the journey with her of creating beauty one face at a time! She looks forward to giving people a new look, so readers can create a new look for themselves each month. Get ready to learn new tips t enhance your beauty with the Beauty Junkies!


{ {BEAUTY {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’SCREATIONS REPORT } } } My love for the art extends to my roots of being. Friends began asking me to do their makeup. This is when I first learned, “Wow! I can actually make money doing something I enjoy”.

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{ FINANCIALLY SPEAKING }

INTRODUCING NEW YORK LIFE BY DARIN FASS

At New York Life, we believe it’s possible to get ahead and do the right thing. This belief is at the heart of how we do business and it shows in the people we partner with. As a New York Life agent,you’ll help bring peace of mind to your clients as you help them achieve financial stability.

part; no experience needed. HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DO: As a New York Life Financial

Yo u ’ l l m a k e a significant difference in your clients’ lives and in your community— today and for generations to come. As the Managing Partner of the New York Life Fi n g e r L a k e s General Office, located in Fairport New York, I am building a team of entrepreneurial, motivated selfstarters looking to grow their own business and make a difference in the lives of others. Bring your love for learning, and we’ll provide training, support and professional development you need to be successful. The best 382

fixed annuities, long-term care insurance, and other products for insurance and retirement planning. You’ll develop and implement business and marketing plans. Prospect for potential clients, discuss financial concerns and needs of individuals. Present potential solutions using our suite of products and services, and develop your professional skills and knowledge. You’ll have the freedom and autonomy of running your own business for yourself – but never by yourself. Looking for a noble career? Let’s talk. We would love to meet with you in person, at your convenience a t o u r Fa i r p o r t office located at 375 Woodcliff Drive. Please call 585 2486734 to schedule your appointment today.

Professional, you’ll obtain licenses to offer high-quality life insurance,

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

Darin Fass, CLU, CLF Managing Partner New York Life Ins. Co. Finger Lakes General Office 375 Woodcliff Drive Fairport, New York 14450


{ UP & COMING }

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{ COACHING WITH GINNY }

OVERCOMING SHAME: STEERING THE BRAIN BY GINNY HRONEK I PHOTO BY RENEE VENISKY

I’m so ugly; I’m so fat, so stupid, why did I say that? When will I get this any of this right? If it sounds remotely familiar, it’s not surprising. The mind is programmed to go to the negative. Yep, your good ‘ole brain, the one your relied on to get through school, get a job, accept or reject a love, has been playing tricks on you. Shouldn’t you have a little more control on this 3 lb.

of mass matter? Well, you do. The brain gives more attention, or energy, to negative thoughts than positive thoughts. It’s part of the protective “fight or flight” syndrome that steers you away from the deer in your headlights or running the other way in the face of danger. Now that’s all good, but how about diminishing those negative thoughts. Easy? Ha! Yet, highly possible. 384

We have a choice with how we interact with our thoughts. There are several strategies. I’ll share a few. 1. Give that negative thought a name. Maybe it reminds you of Aunt Agnes, the ‘queen of ain’t it awful’. We all have at least one of those is our life. You know,

you say it’s a beautiful sunny day and she says well, it’s gonna rain tomorrow. Oye! So when that negative thought rears it’s ugly head, say out loud, or to yourself: Go away Aunt Agnes! 2. Flood yourself with positive thoughts and practices. Not always so easy. Create your own, i.e. I’m a good person, I like who I am, I’m generous, I help others, My volunteer work is meaningful. My

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partner/kids/pets love me. I look the grocery checker in the eye and say thank you, and add her/his name. 3. Loving-kindness. Oh no, not that touchy feely stuff! It really is not. Research shows, unequivocally, loving kindness meditation has an positive impact on changing the brain waves. Check out Sharon Salzman,

the Loving Kindness guru. I am hooked on the 10% Happier App that includes her series on this topic. My morning ritual. It’s free for the first 30 days. For a COMPLIMENTARY 30 minute session, please contact me at ginny@ytcoach or text/call 585-241-3020. To your best life!


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND }

WELCOME Bonnie to the RWO Team BY BONNIE FLOYD

My name is Bonnie J. Floyd. I’m a New York state licensed clinical psychologist, with a specialization in health psychology. I completed my doctorate in Clinical Health Psychology through Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Yeshiva University, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology. My specialization is facilitating enhanced psychosocial adaptation to chronic illness. My philosophy is to focus on one’s remaining capabilities, as opposed to highlighting illnessinduced limitations. I’ve held a wide variety of positions within the field of clinical psychology, ranging from psychological pain management to neuropsychological assessment of geriatric residents. I’ve participated in completing initial psychological evaluations, as well as administering comprehensive neuropsychological test batteries. I lived in Illinois for many years, prior to moving back to New York in 2014. I currently teach Abnormal Psychology, at S.U.N.Y. Geneseo. I really love teaching. I also evaluate geriatric patients in a local nursing home. 386

I first met the editors of Rochester Woman Online in December 2017, by participating in a vendor event. I design colorful, unique polymer clay jewelry and accessories. My accessories include wine bottle stoppers, bottle openers, embossed tins, key chains/purse ornaments,

I’m an artist, specializing in colored pencil portraits. I enjoy architectural themes, abstract designs, and floral arrangements. I’ve been taking oil painting classes for the past year, which I absolutely love. My original artwork has been translated into a line of clothing, accessories, handbags, and household furnishings, available through the international company, VIDA. Currently, I’m in the process of writing a book about my dual experiences as practitioner and patient. I’ve been diagnosed with several chronic illnesses, despite appearing relatively healthy. I’m no longer working on a full-time basis, but I remain very busy in a wide variety of interesting activities. I’d like to invite women to feel free to ask questions related to psychological aspects of appearance, health, and wellness.

and magnets. I offer my designs at multiple local craft shows. I really enjoy having the opportunity to meet a wide variety of individuals through participation in vendor events. My products are also available through Penelope’s Pendants, via my Facebook group.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

I strongly wish to assist women with feeling more positive about their appearances, and to encourage them to realize that beauty exists in many different forms. I really look forward to joining Rochester Woman Online’s team of writers.


{ DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND }

I really look forward to joining Rochester Woman Onlineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s team of writers.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JAN/FEB NEW YEAR NEW YOU 2019

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CONTACT ME TO

NETWORKROCQUEEN@GMAIL.COM I 585.72


ODAY TO JOIN US

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Profile for Rochester Woman Online

RWO January 2019  

The latest edition of Rochester Woman Online for 2019 not only launches a New Year, New You with the fabulous and empowering triple threat D...

RWO January 2019  

The latest edition of Rochester Woman Online for 2019 not only launches a New Year, New You with the fabulous and empowering triple threat D...